#because let’s be honest this is a very autistic post

[wren-kitchens]

me n my friends do the minecraft roleplay (less so recently but a LOT ab half a year ago) and every time I am an animal hybrid because I love it and it’s fun but I cannot choose between which are my favourites

like, the first time we did any kind of rp I was an enderman, and so for a bit that was just My Thing, and then the next animal I was was a mooshroom (which oml I LOVE can you imagine the big ol’ ears and swishy tail and lil horns aaa), but then we started using origins more (the enderman was from origins and it remains one of my favourite origins) and I was a LOT of things in pretty rapid succession: enderman, fish, ghost, bird (we got a data pack)

genuinely I can’t decide whether I like fish (they SWIM I had a SHIPWRECK HOUSE and I had a TRIDENT and I made PIPES so I could swim everywhere over land before I became a tryhard and got literally like 4 conduits) or ghost (which has become My Brand in a sense, and also I absolutely love it because I can go through walls and I can FLOAT DUDE and i can go invisible and I can POSSESS THINGS and I always use my monochrome skins with that origin cause I love it—also ghost is like ghost mooshroom so I have all the super cool stuff from that but also GHOST MOOSHROOM)

anyway fish and ghost mooshroom are 11/10 but bird is a close second

[gothlute]

Since you said it was okay to send you asks about Lute (and I really wanna talk about her ajshgs): do you have any headcanons for her as a character, fallenwings and/or guitarspear? :)

Also, as a doodle idea: fallen angel Lute!

I love this so much!!!!

Okay so the fallen angel Lute doodle will be done a bit later since I ordered a graphic tablet and I wanna draw it on it. I'll tag you!

Ive already made a post about Guitarspear headcanons too :D I might post more if I get ideas!

___________________________________________

Lute headcanons.

• Metalhead & likes goth music

• Had an emo phase, obviously, tho she won't admit it

• She's REALLY into music, either listening to it or making it. Adam and her make music together! She can sing and kinda play drums (tho she's a begginer)

• Her favorite bands is Type O negative

•Her favorite colors are black and red

• Super picky eater, and so is Adam

• High IQ, and possibly autistic, she gets told to get tested a LOT but she doesnt want to

• Is SUPER good at make up, she does her eyeliner super fast

• Very very good at strategy games. She's overall very smart and learns fast. The kind of kid to learn how to read super early and then get pissed at other kids because they can't do it

• Super serious most of the time, but the most unhinged mf with Adam because she trusts him deeply. She actually makes almost as much dirty jokes as him when it's just the two of them

• Both bi and homophobic : she was raised in a SUPER religious family and feels attraction to girls but is deeply ashamed of it.

• Had a situationship with Vaggie, but had too much internalized homophobia for it to work. She's SUPER bitter about it

• Pretty interested in mythology

-She's pretty muscular and very strong, she works out a LOT and pretty much all gay exorcists have/had some sort of crush on her (and everyone's aware of it except for herself)

• Wears a band shirt and black sweatpants like 50% of the time when out of uniform

• She would LOVE the Saw movies. They have gore, interesting lore and she'd love to learn about all the traps (she would wanna try them on demons LMAO)

___________________________________________

Now let's dive deeper into the Lute and Vaggie part.

Fallenwings headcanons (sorta)

!!CW interalized homophobia

I don't believe Vaggie and Lute dated. I do think they had something going on though.

To begin with, I think Lute is bisexual, with INSANE. amounts of internalized homophobia and religious guilt. She's plain homophobic, and thinks it's a sin, while ignoring the part of her that likes it. It has been easy at first because she wasn't into ONE specific girl.

But when she started liking Vaggie, everything was way harder. Her feelings were too hard to ignore. She felt genuine physical attraction, to the point where training with her was getting hard. Everything was complicated.

And Vaggie felt this way too. She started flirting with Lute, and even though she felt painfully guilty about it, she gave in.

They kissed a copious amount of times (never in public), slept together almost as much, and genuine feelings were developping for both of them.

But Lute's self hatred was only getting worse, and it was getting in the way. She would rather die than make their relationship official (though let's be honest you'd have to be blind to miss the sexual tension during training), and Vaggie had to constantly remind Lute that it was okay, that it didn't make her a sinner.

She didn't believe it.

She sometimes pushed Vaggie away when she initiated any contact, even chaste and friendly, and got very cold and disgusted to talk to her. Because after all, she's gay.

Vaggie tried to be as understanding as possible, but it was getting too far.

Her and Lute got into an argument.

Vaggie was like "this is stupid, you insist that we hide when we see eachother, you seem uncomfortable and it's clear that you don't really like me SO we should probably just stop". She wasnt that mad just a bit annoyed and sad

Except Lute took it very badly, and got VERY defensive and mad, because Vaggie was right. She got mean and lashed out on her, Vaggie left and they just...stopped talking

Basically, Vaggie thinks Lute used her to "try it with a girl" while Lute had actual feelings, and she HATES Vaggie because she let her see her weaknesses and thinks she's disgusting for making her fall for her!! She was a lesbian after all.

+ She betrayed heaven and it was OVER. It was the proof Lute was waiting for, proof that Vaggie was just a filthy sinner, disgusting, that she deserved to rot in hell, and that Lute's little phase was over, probably a test from God she passed.

Sometimes, Lute still dreams of the filthy sinner, of her sweet words and the warmth of her embrace. She still feels all warm when seeing two girls kiss, she still gets jealous. But she knows better than to indulge in those feelings now, she's a warrior.

[weezeryuri]

scollace fanfic recommendations

because you asked so niceies :-]

SFW

• LITERALLY ANYTHING BY MY DEAR MUTUAL HORRORCOMEDIES/APOLLOSHRINE all SFW. sleep in the heat (and repeat) is honest to god one of my favorite pieces of scollace content ever i highly recommend with my whole heart and soul

• Scott Didn’t Drink by (also my dear mutual) konji857 scott gets drunk and sad and overstimulated and cuddly. goodass autistic scott pilgrim content. mild hurt/no comfort

• achilles, achilles, come down by flwergardens how scott and wallace started sleeping in the same bed and how wallace both hates and loves it. lots of clumsy cuddling and elbowing

• the story is somewhat gay, yes by fizzyblogic literally the oldest scollace fic on ao3. university/post-break up pining. ends on a cliffhanger but still slaps

• In The Quiet by TrashficParlour pre-canon uni fic based on that one flashback where they met. summary describes it best: For a moment they were both quiet before Scott turned to Wallace and giggled. “Dude,” he slurred. “I think I love you.”

• hunger by nvls short fic about why wallace loves and hates scott

• new year’s kiss by NotALemon sfw with implied offscreen stuff. wallace yearning for scott while helping him recover after envy leaves his life. lot of crying, lot of hurt/comfort

NSFW

• Way Too Hot to Simmer Down (Might as Well Overheat) by 100yos 18+. very very cute pre-canon fic with really good and silly characterization. scott being cringefail at experimenting with his sexuality after envy left him

• she was laughing in the sun by pexadillo 18+. scott drunkenly vents about envy and asks wallace (also drunk) to help him figure out if maybe he just needs to try getting a boyfriend instead. goes exactly how you expect it to go

• Let’s be Late by tyedyedragon 18+. established relationship. short fic about scott getting slonked silly

• Cause I’m Desperate by tyedyedragon 18+. transmasc scott desperately needs to get laid after being single for too long. wallace lends him a hand

• Our apartment echoes with your touch by call_me_cordelia 18+. wallace and scott drunkenly hookup. wallace reminisces after waking up next to him hungover

• You've been out drinking with other boys again/telling them that no we are only friends by call_me_cordelia 18+. wallace ponders his weird ambiguous situationship with scott

• next to you, naked by karezza 18+. from the summary: “Scott's been wondering what it's like to be dominated by another guy. Wallace is happy to entertain him.” REALLY REALLY REALLY good first time fic ft. scott pilgrim’s praise kink

• not keeping track by kyuuketsukirui 18+. one of the weird encounters wallace keeps having while sharing a bed. sleepy frotting. very short but one of my faves

[mitamicah]

An aromantic autistic reading of Joker Out's "Bluza"/"the Blouse"

I have a few words about Bluza. The Blouse.

When I first heard the title, I felt a connection to this song yet in a very tongue-in-cheek way. Because I read the working title was a nod to the white holed sweater blouse (the slut shirt) Bojan forgot at Jere’s place last autumn. But then thanks to JokerOutSubs I realized that this song really speaks to me in another way.

Disclaimer: I am speaking about this from an autistic aroace point of view and as a person who has masked most their lives and doesn’t drink. I hope to explain why this matters in the post below.

The lines that especially spoke to me are these: Ja ko pijana budala Ali čaše nisam popio Jamislim da sam se zaljubio u tebe

I’m acting like a drunk idiot But I haven’t had a single glass I think I’ve fallen in love with you

As a person who has spend most my life being critical about what to say, do, and how I show of myself to people I see the drunkenness described here not as literal but as a form of unmasking. When you find that one person you feel so comfortable around that you know that they won’t leave you or care if you stop being presentable in the eyes of society.

The result is that you may seem drunk and out of character when you are close to them. Drunk as in unlike yourself but also much more yourself. You dare to be authentic and to be silly and vulnerable because this person next to you gets you. No alcohol you could consume would fill you with as much giddiness as being with this person does. There is something about this one person that just speaks to you and let you know that you are safe.

While not having been drunk myself this is what I expect is the feeling most drunk people are searching for: the experience of not caring about what other people might think about them anymore. They just exist outside time and space in a bubble of bliss.

The person in the song is that for Bojan. His bubble of bliss – his safe space.

I’ve been lucky enough to have people like that too for small periods of time. And just like the next line I have felt very strongly connected to the person in those moments thinking “is this was love feels like?”. And here I don’t necessarily mean romantic attraction/love. I mean love as in a deeper, more profound level. The love that is outside of bodily desire. It is two spirits – two beings finding a home in the other person. A home where you can be giddy and drunk without having touch a single drink.

It is no secret that I love the idea of queer platonic love. When I read this, I read it as queer platonic. I read it as beautifully strange, brotherly, romantic, and platonic all at once.

The chorus kind of develops this feeling and adds and aromantic layer to it: Baš ja Koji nisam verovao Da za nekim biću lud

Yes, me who didn’t believe I would be crazy about someone

I read this as a very much an aspec experience.

You may have gone most of your life feeling othered for not experiencing those feelings of romantic attraction the world around you constantly tell you that you should.

Then this person comes along. This person that is your haven, that you can fool around with and open up around. There’s something that seems different, seems honest and so it brings you that feeling of bliss I mentioned earlier. That feeling the world around you have tried to tell you exists for years, yet you never believed would happen to you.

You may have believed yourself to be broken or maybe the world around you too much for seemingly being crazy about love. But now in this moment of bliss, drunk without having drunk, you get it. You want to be with this person, do all the silly things the media tells you are romantic. Not because you are forced to but because it would mean spending more time with your person. And every little second you can spend with your person feels like a blessing.

That is my take on the song at least. Thank you for reading.

[chezzabellesworld]

Heroin addiction hello,

this is me my name is heroin, I am more expensive than gold, but you will pay more for me. I’m like a diamond you want me you you wanna wear me you wanna wear me all over your body you wanna be me you wanna be inside my body, you want me to take the pain away like a hug like a hug used to do like a kiss like being in love used to, my name is Cherry and I’m a heroin addict I’m not some 12 stepper I kind of wish I was so I kind of wish I didn’t get the vibe that it was a cult , but maybe it is but who said all Colts are bad well this person right here was see. I’m also autistic I have a strong time of the past, I’ll tell you what this addiction has taken everything away from me. Let’s go back and let’s go back to 10 years ago. Roughly let’s go to the 3rd of December 2012 when I met this man who to this day, I can’t get out of my head see this man🕰️ introduced me to this awful awful thing, but at the same time he kept me away distance control. Yes I get it on the first night I met this man me off my feet. I was telling him about my situation ship and he was very compassionate. He was very understanding and it sort of Started there and went on the next five years, I was hooked line and sinker .

So the first night I met this man he was with my friend I met with, and I can still tell you everything about it that night it had to be one of the best nights of my life as I sit here now with tears in my eyes, five years later, I remembering things when I write, I wanted to be writer when I write I want to I remember And I started my life story again I’ve been with him for awhile see you inspired me be a bad person being with me and made me wanna be better and we had this little secret but let’s go back to the question because I’m very good at track no drugs happened it was just drinking Maybe smoking weed because I did back then but I was just talking it was like talking to someone I’d know my whole life and when you’re autistic this doesn’t happen often I hadn’t been diagnosed then but he had both bonded over the fact that we both had personality disorders and that we didn’t fit into society boxes, but now as I see it, I see it. I do but This man had a complete control over me. He had literally just had a baby with somebody who he’d been with for 10 years. He told me it was over, but yet they just had a baby a month prior premature, I didn’t want to take this woman’s man I didn’t want to take away this father, so I said don’t chase me, so on the days that he saw his child up at the hospital still, he would come back really quickly like he hadn’t even been there at all. I know that he had a premature baby. Yes I do I don’t know the whole truth of it I never will Until years though, when I spoke to his ex and I still don’t know the whole truth and why the fuck should she have to tell me anyway but all night he painted her is a villain same as I did with my ex yes as a personality disorder, everyone else is a bad guy You never the bad guy until it all comes tumbling down and you hate yourself and you wanna cut yourself or burn yourself so I trigger on this post but I have to say this I have to be honest with myself I must’ve liked it the fact that my family my family was born into because I don’t have kids that’s another sad part of this story is, I can’t Maybe it’s sick but there you go. They treat this man as an outcast just as much as I treated me as an outcast. I feel he wasn’t allowed to my sisters birthday party even though my sister was married to a literal word rapist still in prison for it now, and all the other sick things he did And my ex or right through this, of course I’ve noticed can also see crazy people who are crazy can always see crazy and others. Neurotypical are very selfish people. The first time I met him. He didn’t use her when he told me about it. apparently he told me about it and anyway I told him not to choose me over his child. Anyway he did we were texting all the time I was texting him. He was writing me love i never had this in my entire life. He literally swept me off my feet and the good thing that happened at the beginning of our relationship was that I went away for a week two days after we met Which made me want him more and vice versa now he probably did stuff I’ve heard he might of he’s married now to this girl. He slagged off for years and shagged. The sister who is 17 when we were together together what we broke up we didn’t properly broke up, but we broke up This is where the comes in we’re living in accommodated living for people who are not very well addicts mentally ill and so on. Anyway, many of the nights I would sneak into his room through the window or he sneak into mine and would lie bad faith, even if there was cameras. Oh he hasn’t asked your random stuff like this and I’ll be like it has. I’ve gone to bed, and obviously it was the most exciting time of my life. I was 23 years 22 years old and absolutely in love. Yes I know they got married at the age of 17 but it wasn’t part. Of course it was in my res autistic and everything was always more dramatic. The next time I’m bigger and better also I thought crazy so we end up getting kicked out of this facility I live there for a year I hadn’t really stayed there. I’d stayed in my mum, still even though she di

So things got out of hand that I’ve got made homeless I’m looking back now I thought it was so unfair and at the time I thought it was unfair. People who got made homeless shouldn’t have got made home as really people who this is all they had and the man I’m with now With living in the shed house with my ex there is four of the houses two of them staffed two of them not! so my partner was in a house without staff and then got put into the room next to me in the staff house which I was in me and my partner and I said maybe it was a distraction from my ex and his past, I will never know the full extent of.

So heroin heroin you ask how did it come into it well slowly that’s what I’ll say slowly he came back one day in a really really bad mood. This is before we got kicked out and started smoking on the bed. I’ve never been a situation I’ve been around hard before and it made me very uncomfortable, especially because I hadn’t touched them so I felt embarrassed and obliged this time I didn’t. I felt safe I felt safe with him. I just did so here it goes we move out and by this point before I go with him I will say I was addicted to sleeping pills on and off and opiates pill, but only pills so I sort of being there, but I wasn’t in the world of dealers drug addicts, horrible people debt, losing friends, and emotionally and because of the addiction. No nothing was that bad yet was destined for this maybe probably who knows I don’t I don’t even know so I will never forget the day I did it because it made life, so like it made sense for the first time in my life. It just made sense everything fit into place. Everything was like this is what it’s meant to be and this is how I should feel it wasn’t overwhelming how I thought it was meant to be, and this is how it traps you guys so don’t do it, it just felt like I had found the key to a door that had been locked 22 years and I had found that key. Obviously not a drug use. very narcissistic you really don’t think it’s gonna be you you just don’t you don’t think it’s going to be you in 1 million years even when you told me all these things via my ex when he told me this is what it’s like. I’m depressed now I can’t feel without it sex drive it fuck it fuck the way you connect with people you lose that connection and when you’re autistic anyway that is hard to have by the beginning it makes that all possible it makes you have emotion it makes you connect it makes you feel like you are invincible, and I always thought the word heroine became from the hero within, it kind of makes sense, wouldn’t it.

So the first time I used it, I smoked it we were living in one of his friends house in the spare bedroom that was freezing cold and the guy was addicted to it. The wife wasn’t they had two children. They had three children but the two children were in the room next to the dad, who is addicted really bad day and ill And this was the first place I used it they thought I was just normal. They didn’t think I touched so when I asked to try it one time when I got kicked off Valium which as you know it’s not very good I’ve got put on after a bad experience. Grape grape by my ex, and it was a short term thing, but I felt awful and I was hallucinating and I was in a really weird way and I also still appealed from my other exes house which led me to be really drooling and off my head and not remembering things in this house anyway, so that’s where I first tried it and for that year when we were living from house to house of people and Sophie spare rooms whatever, was the most exciting time of my life. It was an adventure that I’ve never been in. It was some kind of life experience that I needed for that time, but it led to this really scary time that I live in now so would I take it back? I’m not too sure i’ll lose all these memories, but then I won’t be attached to it so much either. Yeah I’d probably take it because the people I know now I really don’t wanna know I’m telling you something, there’s a lot of really dodgy men in this world who will try and proposition you for sex for money or they will try and do things to you the amount of times I’ve had men do things to me that dodgy sexually, I can’t even fathom it’s very sad, no one should have to go through that. made me feel so protected from the heroin all of it the relationship with that felt amazing, We lived from moment to moment we bonded so deeply our moon 🌙 signs very compatible. we shared everything let’s say so in the five years 2 1/2 of them are good 2 1/2 of them really bad but let’s say this was really severe case of grooming two that felt good though it felt really good because it came with the drugs and it came with the reward system that your brain creates of Doberman, but after a while your break your brain needs a pleasure and reward centre to survive. It’s like breathing it felt amazing. I felt so good every time I felt so good he he controlled my habits so I didn’t get too bad so I would get high probably off. Let’s say £10 worthb or £20 worth a day, maybe less let’s say less.

Eventually, my family obviously found out because I’m a very honest person and I like why did you say that I’ve noticed addicts are very dishonest people, scum of the Earth and I can’t stand them and they can’t stand me either. They do not like me and I think my ex knew this about them that they wouldn’t like me because he did all the messaging and calls to these people I didn’t know these people were so uptight about a text message, but they are absolutely ridiculous, I wasn’t used to this level of paranoia unless it was in your mind none of these people give a shit about you. I’m talking as 33-year-old me now and not 22-year-old man. It’s been over 10 years can you believe it because I can I mean it could be another lifetime ago and it could be yesterday 22-year-old didn’t know about this. Didn’t know this rule it’s uptight don’t do that and I honestly I hate these people honestly I’m miserable it’s not good for me I’m constantly sad,😔 yeah I mean the end of last year I going to join this astrology course and I have a teacher now at this woman I listen to for years on YouTube who I love I love her way of teaching listening to her on YouTube she was so good at going into it all. I looked up with Darkside zodiac and I found her but anyway I’m gonna tell her I lost friends in my opinion, so basically when I was younger, I was a bit of a goody-goody so that transition into hard-core addict who thought she was Courtney Love and Kurt Cobain with her boyfriend was obviously a massive shock to my friends and family I’m guessing constantly asking for money this day,

They didn’t realise this world opened up, a whole box of things that made me feel better, but a whole shit load of a basement full of crap that came with it. They won’t so yeah, I was a goody goody I didn’t really drink. I didn’t do this I didn’t do that, but I was fun. I was a happy shy girl And I would join in and have a laugh with my friends we would get the stone high part when I used to bring school in into school my sister’s part into my friend and he smoked I didn’t even smoke. Then I didn’t even feel the pressure to smoke. So yeah this was a massive personality change I guess so I always went from group group I was always a bit of a drifter.! point of sticking a needle in my arm, I wasn’t bad in fact I was the opposite of a bad arse you could say but as he has went on things happened and you meet people, my best friend who I be my best friend from the age of 10 made her be my best friend until she agreed. She was my best friend from me from me, her being sick of me, trying to ask it probably so I made my first love through her years later 18 years old and he was just schizophrenic and I even got warned off him which was probably the right idea cause this is where my first mental break happened a few years after that so this is why is slowly threatened to do law, and my personality was really changing, and I guess it was very scary for the people around me, so I’d have relationships with people friends whatever, but it always felt forced with this man. It never felt forced. It felt natural, and he would convince me that these people wanted to hurt me, or they weren’t good enough for me or they for I wasn’t good enough for them. He was very clever very very very clever he had me believing all of this shit and so it still this day is in and I can’t get rid of and I think anyone who’s been in a abusive relationship will feel this.

I have put a lot of pressure on my family. I feel like I am loving girl but I don’t have a family like the rest of them all my sisters have children. My brother is happy in a relationship. He is with someone for 11 years and he was very very happy even though he’s my older brother he sometimes feels like my younger brother because he’s so more innocent and I was innocent like he was too Very similar. In fact he was more of a rebel than I was saying I think I wanted to rebel so badly because I never had the opportunity. I mean the first guy I slept with gave me herpes if you want to talk about bad luck, but I thought it was a bad ass then because I was going out of a guy from Bangladesh who was a Muslim who had a restaurant well he didn’t have the restaurant who I was fucking in his restaurant And I thought I was cool. I was getting free curries and then I went to the next shop up the road and it was a Turkish guy who had a gorgeous green eyes. I was obsessed with being in love and not with English man. I thought English men were trash they never fancied me in school. I never had boyfriends, and I lost my virginity at 16.

 so my friends now anyway, who I lost I’ve tried to bring back into my life but they’re not perfect either. I’m not saying they’re perfect but they weren’t drug Alex and we weren’t into people like that. They don’t know anything about people like that when I tell them about the things that have been degraded too, I’m in the last three years I didn’t leave my house because of a sexual assault kind of thing again And it’s very very scary so they couldn’t understand it or comprehend. They didn’t know why I was agitated. They didn’t know why I couldn’t meet up with them till sad times. They didn’t know why I didn’t pick up my phone they didn’t know why I called them at weird hours they didn’t understand it they didn’t understand why I wanted money they didn’t understand why I didn’t have this. They didn’t understand the people that knew I get it. I wish I didn’t even guys They see it though they see what happened, but then I did have one very abusive friend who is a Gemini and she would send me essays with you sometimes and this was before I got with Matt! she could still be very nasty I mean when I got her, she was like really rude about that and telling people I mean what kind of friend does that anyway so she comes and stay with me after a few years of me being with him and we have a nice time. Kind of have a good time, I’m still happy because I’m with him well I think I am anyway she comes down with fake note she was like can you use it cause she knew the olive. It was a bit backwards compared London I was like yeah probably be fine anyway one day we walked into town and I call her from upstairs from my exes flat and she looks horrified on that. Oh God here we go and she looked up annoyed anyway she’s there and a few days later, she’s all happy happy all on her phone and a good mood God. I wish I felt like her with making weed and I was being very paranoid and that’s when I stopped because I’d started smoking crack at this point because my ex couldn’t do heroin any more fuck from injecting and I hated cocaine. I just did it because he did it and he wanted me to owe him money. A lot of these drug addicts Connell is too so you owe the money I offend this. Well I’m too good for it and I know I’m so good for it and I wanna meet the other people who are not like this who are not con artists ! so she is high and she’s like don’t you feel so amazing I didn’t but I pretended yeah for great anyway she doodled all over this night and then she goes he go you can have it as she left to go home. I was like cheers can’t use it for shit now but thanks 🧑‍🎨.

Chapter 1

[astranite]

Of Model Planes and Kind Truths

More neurodivergent Scott and John, but as kids. They are both small and doing their best and trying to figure out how the world works. Lucy is here too and I love her and she's totally autistic too in my head. I wrote this ages ago and was only yesterday I was reminded of it and cheered on by the wonderful @janetm74 so I tidied it up to post!

---

Scott yelled at him because John said his model aeroplane didn't look like the one on the box. Which was true , the colours were all mixed together as Scott was too impatient to let them dry properly between painting and the whole frame was sort of squashed where it had fallen off of a table. Sticky globs of glue had adhered themselves to the wings providing most of the structural soundness. 

Scott had burst into tears when John pointed this all out. 

Their dad picked up Scott even though he was too big for it now and carried him out of the kitchen, leaving a bewildered John behind. Mum had to explain that words could upset people and Scotty was crying because he felt John was being mean to him. 

John attempted to explain. “But I didn't mean to be mean! I was just telling him, you and Dad always say to tell the truth.”

“Oh, little star. I know you didn't, but we can hurt people even when that isn't our intention.” 

Mum held out her hands and took John’s small ones in her own as his eyes welled up with tears. 

“You know what you can do to help make it better?” John shook his head as Mum continued. “Your brother worked very hard on making that plane. When you go apologise to him, can you think of some things to say that are kind and honest?”

John nodded, he could do that. He’d make this better.

In the lounge room, Scott sat on Dad’s lap, the model plane clutched to his chest. His face was all red and blotchy. John wiped his sleeve over his own face as Scott’s hurt and his hurt crumpled into a big black hole in his chest. He then flickered his hands at his sides.

John tiptoed across the carpet as it squished beneath his feet. Dad and Scott were looking at him; Dad was smiling a bit but his brother had frowny eyebrows. John stood in front of them, twisting his hands together anxiously. 

“I’m sorry I was mean about your plane. I wasn't trying to be. You worked really hard on it.” The words came out stilted and deliberate.

Now for something kind and true. John cast around for something to say, glancing about the room. Virgie had left their blocks on the floor, all set up in neat rainbow rows.

“It’s good because it’s makes you happy?” He told Scott. 

“And it’s swooshy.” John said it with all of the excitement of figuring out a new science problem, as the words now rushed out. “You painted it with lots of colours and I like colours and so do you. Mixing them together means even more colours!”

Scott’s mouth tipped up at the corners. “It’s okay. You were right, but it’s still cool. And yeah, it goes swoosh because it’s so fast!”

Scott swiped the toy plane through the air as if it was flying. John jumped back as it banked toward him. He followed it with his eyes as it dove and spun in Scott’s hands, as Scott jumped from Dad’s lap to run around the room with him, John matching his dips and turns like he was flying a space shuttle too until they were both grinning and everything was right again.

[totally-sick-blogger]

Girl meets autism???

It’s the middle of the night and I can’t sleep and I need to talk about this.

So lately I’ve been rewatching girl meets world and by “rewatching” I mean I let it play on my laptop at night when I’m falling asleep so really I’m not actually watching a whole lot of it. But I’ve just remembered the autism episode and need to to talk about it because it was so….I don’t even know what words to use here if I’m being honest so I’m just going to go point by point.

Why did they act like it something that they needed to cure??? That part catches me off guard every time; especially when Maya GRABS HIS ARM AND TRIED TO PULL HIM TOWARDS THE DOOR. Like did she think that they were gonna go to pharmacy and get antibiotics to cure is autism or something??

Why were they so shocked that he had autism. Like it was really obvious to me from the very beginning. So the way they were all like “but you can’t be autistic???? You’re just quirky???” And when Maya was like “let’s tell them you’re not” I think that part is funny in an ironic way because usually it’s the other way around when someone says “you can’t be autistic because you don’t *insert autism stereotype here*” whereas from my perspective, farkle is the most classically autistic teen boy that is portrayed in the media.

Do you guys remember that one tiktok audio that was like “I’m not autistic! I’m just a bit silly! And I cry when my socks are right…but that’s unrelated” I feel like that basically sums up the dialogue of this episode

They were ALL losing their marbles over farkle being autistic which made no sense to me because from my perspective Riley is definitely also autistic but it presents in her very differently than it presents in farkle and I always found them both to be very relatable. I’m a little bit confused about why they never made that connection especially after isadora told everyone that she’s also autistic and has been diagnosed for a long time.

On the topic of isadora- it made me so sad how she told farkle that she would accept him for who he was and that it was okay that he was autistic and she was so happy to finally have someone to relate to but then his friends somehow convinced him that he shouldn’t do that??? Like by the end of the episode they were all like “we think it’s okay that you’re autistic but just don’t act autistic” (this is paraphrased btw) which I’m pretty sure was meant to be them being accepting and open minded but really they were all being terrible friends.

Isadora was always the butt of the joke in every episode she was in and they were always so rude to her for no reason and I feel like they often went out of their way to single her out and this got worse in a way after the autism episode. Like generally speaking they were always so ableist towards her and I would probably classify their attitude towards her as bullying because they didn’t really ever have any actual reason to hate her.

I also would like to note real quick that in the show they used the word Asperger’s instead of autism during most of the episode but I’m saying autism because Asperger’s is outdated and also named after a….very bad guy… Also I feel like there probably weren’t any autistic people consulted on the making of this episode.

Okay I think that’s all of my points for now. If you want a more detailed, better version of this post you should all go check out Lulaloopsy’s video on YouTube. (I will try to link it here -> )

[fierce-sims]

I haven’t talked about my Tycho in a while, but I want to now because I was inspired by another post about ts2 aliens.

As some of you may know, I’ve always thought of Tycho as someone who goes on to be successful. In my game, he went to university and became mayor pretty early on. But this begs the question of how this would play out realistically as an alien being in a position of power.

I mean, an alien becoming mayor is already a pretty big deal, but think about like presidency. To be honest, people’s reactions would vary. Some people might be excited about the possibility of diversity. Others may be wary or concerned about how an alien with unknown cultural and political backgrounds would interact with the public (despite the fact that Tycho was Earth-born). Some may also be suspicious, wondering if Tycho is truly benevolent. As far as I can see, aliens are a mysterious group in this world, and I can imagine a lot of humans would be very ignorant.

I guess it’s kind of difficult to predict exactly how the population would react. Especially due to the fear-mongering Buzz might have caused, even more so if you take into account the psp game. I'm reading into this way too much, but let me be autistic on the autism site, pleaseeeeee

[system-of-a-feather]

I'm glad you're going hogwild on Bleach rn. It was also a major part of our childhood and development, and I feel like there's still a ton to get out of it, even from an older perspective. (Not trying to sound uppity or anything, I really love Bleach.)

What do you think about the idea of Ichigo as a CDD allegory? I don't think he was written with that in mind, but reading through the manga, there are a lot of scenes that make me go "hmMMMMMM."

(Never watched the anime, lol. Manga-only)

Funny you should ask that question. I have actually already made a very important post on the topic of Ichigo as a CDD allegory. /hj

Honestly though, I think its one of my favorite "not intentionally a CDD but very relatable as someone with a CDD". Like I'd have to get further into TYBW and later cause I know they expand and drop some lore secrets about the dynamic of the part (I was gonna edit that to be more accurate to the world context of Bleach but I felt that term is telling about how I feel about the allegory XD) that make up Ichigo's soul and shit.

I know a lot of what is revealed because as good as I obstained from a lot of spoilers, I actually heard a rumor that Hollow Ichigo isn't seen after the Aizen-Karakura town arc and I was so distraught at that that I let it be something I got spoiled on before it was announced that it would continue. At the time, I thought it upset me cause I thought the hollow stuff was cool, but that reasoning didn't really make sense to me because I was actually like *sad* in a "no thats not fair or right, hollow ichigo deserves to live too" which in hindsight, I realize was probably some not-entirely subconscious "no don't just delete and erase the existance of a part of yourself!!! You should make friends with them and make them your best ally!!! I want to see more HIchi and Ichigo interact ;w;"

and also

like

lowkey I had a Hollow Ichigo introject in my head that I didn't know about for the longest time so it was probably pretty personal

But personal shit aside, I honestly really do like it. I mean to some level - especially early in the series - its a lot of "oooooh spooky evil alter" vibes, but honest to god - and this is a controversial opinion - I think we need more nuanced "evil" alter representation rather than the elimination of the "evil alter" trope because shitty asshole alters exist and are actually common and I think its a lot more meaningful to show how two completely conflicting and otherwise aggressive towards eachother individuals can find a middle ground and empower eachother. Which is what Bleach does particularly with Ichigo and his hollow self and UNIRONICALLY the whole Bleach arc Ichigo has with his hollow self is incredibly similar to the "arc" that XIV and I had which, go figure. Me the Shounen Boy Optimist protagonist and a literal hollow ichigo introject had a similar arc to the Shounen Protagonist and Hollow ichigo. Do you see the shock in my voice?

Honestly if I have time and feel like it (unlikely since I don't often have time) I might put a longer opinion / discussion on it, but honestly, even outside of Ichigo, I think the way Bleach handles Zanpaktous and even stuff like Lillynette and Stark is just a really fun way to have a lot of plural / CDD adjacent themes and vibes without necessarily even being an allegory.

The idea of being able to have a manifestation of your soul and the power it has take a sentient form and the bonding, communication, and collaboration with said manifestation being the key to increased power and skill development is just??? The coolest thing?

Honestly I think Bleach has subconsciously informed a lot of how our system is structured and interacts in more ways than we are probably cognitively currently aware of and I think to some good level that whole just general vibe probably plays a role in it somewhere.

But man, I love this show. I honestly am genuinely thinking of returning to my natural autistic instincts and just chronically watching it whenever I dont have anything else to watch because I really DONT need to have a variety of shows to watch and honestly if something aint broke, why ever change it /hj

I can have a comfort anime smh

[medievildead]

for the ship opinion bingo kratos/heimdall 👉👈

HOOOO BOY SORRY THIS TURNED INTO A RANT however you did ask for my opinion and this is my blog so you know what. I am gonna post it. And this will be the only time I talk about it.

I reeeeeally don't like kradall it creeps me out and I don't understand it at fucking all. I see people try to make Hear Me Out posts about them and AUs about them and it just makes less and less sense to me (and I KNOW this is bold ass words coming from me I KNOW) but the canon dynamic that does exist for them at no point to me ever at all in the slightest tipped me off or made me think to ship them. Never clicked.

Then again you gotta remember that I'm someone who has been autistic about Kratos since 2005 and I am so incredibly damn picky about shipping him unironically with anyone. Shipping Kratos with Heimdall knowing the kind of person Kratos is and what hes gone through to Become his new self in the norse saga just doesn't make sense. A lot of kradall I see (that isn't non/con honestly another huge reason I don't vibe with it is that a bunch of people use it as a bolt for r/pe stuff in the early moments of Ragnarok fandom) is just them in a very ooc marriage situation I can't wrap my head around. Throwing Kratos into a heavy intense relationship is dumb to me like it took him centuries to fucking get over Lysandra and then moving on to Faye and I'm expected to belive the Hear Me Out posts about why Kratos would be in a long term relationship with.... Heimdall? The guy who is a complete prick to giants? Who actively said misogynistic shit about Atreus' mom who Kratos still loves with his whole heart? And threatened to actively kill his 14 year old son? Kratos's son? Kratos who has lifelong trauma about his child dying from war? I'm not buying it im sorry. No way you cook it will convince me.

In the early points of the ships existence honestly felt to me like people who were into Heimdall just wanted to explore a crutch for brat breaking. But its just genuinley not something I'm into. I'm a firm believer of ship and let ship as long as its harmless and for the most part it is! It's people having fun but it's not for me and never, ever ever will be no matter what and there is a reason I don't talk about it on this blog.

I've been in this fandom a long time and let me say Kratos x Heimdall reminds me a lot of when GoW3 came out and people started shipping and writing tons of Kratos x Hermes dubcon stuff for the sole reason of yaoi fujoshi people wanted to fetishize the gay male power dynamic. Its like I honestly feel some people see a big muscular man and a smaller effeminate man and are like "oh I need to make one a submissive girl" like again I know its just words and pictures on a screen but I have been here long enough to be Very Tired of seeing my sexuality get used as a fetish tool sjshskdnks

And. And ill be honest. And this is petty and trust me this is literally just me and my opinion but I cannot fucking stress how utterly confused and flabbergasted because FREYR IS RIGHT FUCKING THERE. HE IS RIGHT FUCKING THERE. BLATANTLY INTO KRATOS, A COMPLETE KIND SWEETHEART FULL OF LOVE, EXACTLY THE KIND OF GUY THAT WOULD SHOW KRATOS A GOOD TIME AND HAS AN ADORABLE ONSCREEN DYNAMIC THAT DOESN'T EVEN NEED TO BE AU'd OR CHANGED TO MAKE SENSE AND THIS FANDOM DOES NOTHING WITH IT. I see so many AUs where Heimdall survives to get with Kratos and valid but you know what??? I am gonna be angry, WHERE ARE MY FREYR LIVES AUs. WHERE ARE MY AUs WHERE FREYR LIVES AND GETS KRATOS ASCENDED ON THAT VANAHEIM ZA???????

LIKE FORREAL. I honestly feel like this fandom gets so blindsided by Heimdall and wanting to put him in situations and hell I'm guilty of it too, but I have genuinley met GoW Heimdall likers that straight up forgot Freyr existed and it shocks me. I don't get it!!!!!!

Theres a reason I ship Heimdall x Hermes together and its because their individual dynamics are so unbelievably compatible and I like to explore that. But I get people wanting something more realistic in universe as a muse. When it does come to shipping Heimdall with someone else in canon that makes absolute dynamic sense to me, I gotta be honest, Heimdall x Gná is the only "heimdall gets a dom" pairing that I can realistically get behind. Since they both would actually like each other despite being hated by all their peers for their devotion to Odin. Is it healthy? No, but Kradall isn't exactly peaches and cream either. So we work with what we got babey!!!!

[strawbubbysugar]

Hiii, (princess lawyer anon here) not trying to start anything but i saw an anon upset over what I said (i assume it was about me cuz Im kinda,, the only one who fits their description,,) and I just wanted to say I don’t really appriciate them trying to make me like a villain,,, that kinda hurts to be misinterpreted so intensely,, I wasnt targeting them, there was like.. 5+ people both on the blog and in the story comments that said the same thing, so I really wasnt like,, targeting them or really even thinking of their reply when i wrote what i wrote if im being very honest,, I thought what I said was funny, and not meant to be condescending. Especially since both me and Bubby sorta made the same defender joke,, Sorry, I didn’t like how it felt in my chest reading those messages, if you understand what I mean,,, kinda actually had me tearing up ajdhsjsjdh to explain why it was so long winded if I can try and show i didnt mean it maliciously; I wasnt trying to over explain, I was info dumping because Im autistic and got excited,,,, but I do get that a lot, I really dont mean for it to come off as like im over explaining or condescending or whatever the right word is, im sorry. and this story meant a lot to me,, I just wanted to share my thoughts like everyone else and join in on what i thought were jokes, not over explain things and make people uncomfortable, im sorry,,, sorry for clogging up your box with all this nonsense, I just felt really upset and hurt and didnt know how else to address them since they’re anon,,, andjdjdj sorry if im doing it again rn </3

But, let me end on a positive note cuz I hate coming off as negative!!! Love u Bubby and love the latest chapter, im sorry if i caused any tension for you. Im really excited to see what both pry/ncess my beloved and Sun look like on the wedding day in their pretty outfits <3 I especially loved the funny parts with Sun covering his eyes, hes so silly goofy coded and I love your writing 💕 it never fails to make me laugh, smile, tear up, everything /verypositive And dont let anyone tear you down, I loved So(u)l it still lives in my head rent free and Im absolutely loving Bethroned!!! And also, as an autistic person, I love how you write your y/n’s because I feel like i can really relate where i sometimes struggle with that in other stories 💕💕 thats all, i spent like two hours trying to word this right so i need to stop now for my hearts sake, mwah mwah /silly

Oh Angel thank you for the kind words!! I know nobody in this situation meant to come off as anything but genuine. I’ll post this so that the two anons involved can hopefully find some closure with the situation. I won’t be answering any asks about it anymore but I wanted to make sure you felt seen and heard. :)

Peace and love on planet earth muah muah

[littlestpersimmon]

OK so ive always been into gentle swords but not fully got it but i Get It More now that uve posted more and i did a big read of all ur tag for it. so heres my questions. 1. we know how radinta reacts to finding out darenyas still alive but how EMO and 'nothing left to live for' unhinged does dinta become when he finds out about darenyas execution. also like how close to the execution does dinta know about all this in the first place (esp w the pregnancy ...) 2. youve touched on that darenyas undead + undead servants are used in the world as unending labor, is there any sort of way to tell someone id undead without them directly telling you? (also doesnt darenya count as twice undead because of his birth circumstances?) 👀👀👀

Ohh my g-d.. the more asks abt this the more I reveal how much of a whipping boy Dinta is to everyone around him..

Dinta is autistic as I mentioned before, so his only friends have always been just Humadsan and Narakan, whom are Both Also On The Spectrum, and Darenya.

They have been through thick and thin, been together catastrophe after catastrophe, however, no one grasps Dinta like Darenya does, no one is as kind and patient over Dinta's quirks and awkwardness and Difficult to Understand-ness like Darenya, who is just always... amused, never angry, and always willing to see the better side of Dinta's thought process, since Darenya knows what it's like to be Disabled But Not Visibly So.

Dinta was raised by a single mother, and though he's Understanding that life in an occupied land is difficult, and he's willing to give his mother Understanding, he just, also. Is terrified of the idea or being like her.

Because Renya is an "amsara", a child called back from a stillbirth for another shot at life, it is understood that he will only live partially a normal human lifespan, in my world's case, the oldest he could possibly be would be his early thirties. This doesn't daunt him, he's always known death, he has made peace with it. But also knowing he was gonna have a shorter life than other people, it made Renya very assertive, honest, and direct with asking for what he wanted.

It was him who pursued Dinta, asked him out, and was very protective of him. It was Darenya who was always chasing this boy and making sure he was okay. And Darenya's directness was very good to Dinta's brain, he never had to wonder if Renya had hidden motives or was not speaking in plain words.

Renya became pregnant when he was in his early 20s, and both him and Dinta were super excited, even if they both knew Renya did not have much long to live, they were determined to make the most of it,

Darenya would retire from his job at the rajah's court (he is a starfarer!), and Dinta would start to withdraw as well, Dinta is also a starfarer, but he'd be more of a "mission control" guy, like computing how much a ship should steer away from certain winds, monitors the weather condition, how much karhanan is needed to let a ship take off, just nerd shit, and he also makes wayfinding maps, for people like him who can't really memorize or visualize navigating stars by mind alone.

At the back of Dinta's mind, he knows he's gonna be a single dad for the rest of his life after Renya dies, and he's already sort of, depressed about it, and the only thing that they're both super excited about is how nice it would be to live near the ocean and they can swim every day, and both Renya and Dinta spend hours and hours drawing what their house is gonna look like..

Dinta, does one day, give Renya a small vial of this shiny liquid. It looks like.. almost translucent, almost prismatic liquid, and he WONT tell Renya where he got it, only that if he so wished.. to extend how long he belonged on their earth.. then he may have a drought of it. Renya would be shocked, because he immediately recognizes it to be sap from the saranggita, the holy trees from their world, and it is only permitted to take ONCE from it, to bring back stillbirths, but he is teased by the notion of getting to live longer, which was something he'd never even considered possible, so he keeps the vial Dinta gives him, and mulls it over.

But then eventually, Darenya finds out how Radinta got the vial, and another terrible betrayal, and he, being very hormonal and heartbroken, goes nuclear, but he does not stop loving Dinta, and Dinta does not stop loving him, and even to the Last day before Darenya eventually dies from his long, drawn out execution, Dinta never stops trying to, save him, run away with him and be vigilantes somewhere they can both be safe, even after Renya miscarried.. they can try again. Renya still dies, from infection, exhaustion, blood loss and just grief, and Dinta does not cry.

He does tenderly take Renya's body, in a fetal position and in rigor mortis, and he does the autopsy, the bathing.. scrubbed him clean in plumeria and coconut until he did not smell so dead and some of his beauty was restored to him.

Usually the Idina Tala, the undead slaves, would arrive to the deadships caked in blood and dirt and sweat, because the Idina Tala were executed criminals whose punishment continued even after death, and they were considered the dregs of mankind, people so unloved their deaths would just go on and on as eternal outcasts.

Renya arrived very clean, his nails clipped, his hair lovingly cut, bathed and with herbs in his mouth, and a talisman that would ward off any demons wishing to reposses his body, because Renya had an autopsy and was prepared like how a loved one would be buried, much unlike the others. The witches who would call him back remembered the man who dropped him off laying him down on the table very carefully, like he was still alive and could still feel pain.

I always see Dinta as having a blank face, rarely smiling, not mean, but just very.. reticent and withdrawn. He would comb back renyas hair on the table and stand there in numbed silence for a very long time, before he turns to the manhiyang, the witch who would reanimated Darenya to turn him into a slave, and he tells her, "do not think Ill of him. You know him not."

After Renya dies and is surrendered to the dead ships, its like Radinta was going about his life half a person, when he closed Darenya's lifeless eyes he knew no one would ever love him, and look on him with such deep understanding like Darenya did. Narakan did not know it was possible to have someone who was as distant to the world like Dinta, become even more distant, walking around the halls of the Rajah's palace like a man trapped in a thick fog. But, life must go on for Dinta, he still had some other matters to attend to, so. He focuses all his effort and energy and resources to find his sister in Sasaban, the most difficult to get into Sundering, and to get to Sasaban, he first must get to Janalila. All his hopes for the future, all his grief, he pours into finding the one family he has left, something to anchor him to the world, or else he might, he might die, lose himself to the myriad and the wheel of time.

In the world of Hidlawonen, when you are deemed to have done a social transgression, or a crime that is judged to be extremely gross, you receive a single tattoo, of a ring of salamanders and geckoes that goes around your limb. These are magical tattoos, one that remind the person branded that they have some role in the world to perform, and that all their actions must turn the wheel of time forward, meaning they must do all the good in life to progress the world. The more bad a person has done, the more they receive these rings of geckos. Almost everyone in Hidlawon has some form of gecko tattoo on their body, it is all part of being human to make mistakes. This system of punishment, though, is easily abused by people born into more fortunate circumstances, to isolate people they deem to be people "the wrong way", people who were born into misery are just.. trapped in a cycle of being miserable and a burden to their respective societies, and trapped to recommit evil acts trying to survive in a world that is just naturally hostile to them, and the gecko tattoos become a mark of shame the more there is on your body. The gecko tattoos are normally invisible, until you receive so much of them that they become visible and painful, once past your elbows or knees. The tattoos start at your ankles or below your shoulders, and the more "bad" you do as deemed by the local governments, the more tattoos of them you receive. When the gecko tattoos reach your wrists and ankles simultaneously, you are sentenced to death, and yoir fate is to become inevitably an Idina Talan, "no longer a person", an undead slave. That would be how people in Hidlawonen identify the Idina, and most Idina are "broken in thought and body", meaning while they are conscious, their mind is broken to the point they cannot speak, cannot smell, or anything. Most of the Idina simply cry, groan in pain, unable to remember who or what even they are.

[z0-iq]

About religion.

Religion, there is so much in that word. In it, history, hope, philosophy, and the experience of other people, terrarism, wars, and so on, can be enumerate for a very long time. At the same time, you can notice that this word has both good and not so good meanings. In this post, I will express my opinion on religion in the modern world.

In general, I'm autistic, oh that is, an atheist, because I have a more scientific mindset, but I understand religious people. In order to understand why I support them, I propose to make a small historical reference.

Religion was created in general, firstly, to explain things that were incomprehensible for those times, and secondly, religion used to replace law. It was an excellent and working scheme, because if you read the Bible or the Koran, you can see quite correct thoughts. But why, then, did there be warriors like the Crusades? It seems to me that it is not about religion, but about people who often covered themselves behind it, and are still hiding behind it, let's be honest.

Well, then why do we need it now? Yes, the role of laws is now played by federal articles, but religion still fulfills its first function, only in a slightly different form. I'll give you an example, I'm thinking about what will happen after death and I realize that there will be absolutely nothing, only darkness, I am stressed and I die from an hert attack. But let's say some priest knows that life is not the end, but death is a new beginning, And it all depends on his actions, he starts donating money to a fund to help someone, doing good, and so on. Yes, I have embellished, but the meaning, I hope, is clear, religion now is something like a protective function that saves people from grief, unnecessary thoughts, gives you the belief that there is always someone who will support you and save you, allowing them to enjoy this life . That's why I understand people of faith.

По этой причине религия по-прежнему остается важным аспектом современной жизни, а не пережитком прошлого, но ее роль в жизни уменьшилась.

Do you agree with me?

[luna-lovegreat]

Why don’t you have your pronouns in your bio? I want to interact with your account but as a trans person it makes me feels unsafe if an account doesn’t have pronouns listed. (Genuine question, not trying to attack or anything)

Hello hi :D

I generally take a long time to reply (I choose to take a while so I am not rushing my responses), but I want you to feel safe so I will try and respond quickly

***I tried to respond as a private ask but I think I can't, so my response to anon is under the cut. It is way too long, but I don't want to trim it down and keep friend waiting

^^tone indicators for all of my response is positive and genuine- I am curious and sincere

Thank you for sending this- I love that you are brave enough to ask and I hear you. I'm honoured that you like my account and would love for you to interact with it! I want you to feel safe tho, let's figure it out

Could I ask for advice? I am not yet completely understanding of tumblr or how everything works. I'm not certain what a bio is or where to put it.

I have so far avoided posting a pinned post, or having personal information in my blog description (<is that bio?). I have preferred just having posts- I am also not very comfortable reblogging things yet. I'm not certain how to explain why, but that is the form my anxiety has taken in managing my account appearance. Is it ok to leave it as is?

As far as changes I am slow on that as well, and might take a bit- but again I will try to hurry because I never want you to feel unsafe. You are worth any extent of kindness

So if I may ask- what is a blog bio, and where would I be supposed to put my pronouns? I think others have explained a bit on this but sometimes I don't understand immediately. Is this something that will make people feel unsafe? And may I ask why? I understand if this is uncomfortable, but I always want to be honest and genuine, and learn rather than pretending I know everything. I am autistic and often take a long time to understand things socially. Could not having pronouns be seen as a rejection of my trans friends?

I also have believed they/them to be the sort of default- as a sign of respect for my trans people I say they/them if I am uncertain. I want to help people feel validated with they/them, rather than assume and say something that is not who they are

My pronouns are she/her! :D but I am ok with they/them as normal which is another reason I hadn't put them.

I have several friends I plan on asking for advice on this as well, but I would love advice from your perspective. I want to make sure your concerns specifically are cared for since you asked. If you are ok to go off of anon, could you dm me or talk in replies? I want to learn. Or you could send me asks in anon- but I do not want to seem like I’m telling you what to do, or demand you talk openly if it makes you uncomfortable.

Friend :)

If I have accidentally said something very offensive I am so sorry and please help me understand- I have a heart for you even if words get in the way. I hope I am not defensive- learning and growing and changing are the best parts of life

If anything I said came across as rude or blunt I am sorry- I tell you that is not what I mean and I want to be friendly and light. I struggle with language sometimes (sometimes) which is why I normally take long to respond.

...

Hi friend! I think you are very cool and you've made me happy- now I can learn more :D if I was too intense or seemed demanding I am sorry- I got slightly panicked. I want you to feel heard and safe :)))

I feel secure in my gender identity and would not be adverse to being trans. I have spent so much time searching tho- I enjoy bragging about always having skirts with the best pockets.

I know this post is way too long and I repeated myself- I ramble lol but want to help you feel loved quickly

.

Edit: hate to add more, but hi anon! Many of my friends have come to help me understand more. Thank you for asking- I did not know and love to learn. I've added pronouns, and want to always make changes so people can feel safe. You don't have to go off of anon if you don't want, but if there's anything else I can do let me know. You are so so cool :)))

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

Pride Month Character Sexuality Headcanon Moodboards 1. Yasmine - Lesbian 2. Demetri Alexopoulos - Gay 3. Moon - Bisexual 4. Eli "Hawk" Moskowitz - Bisexual

Next up is everyone's favorite Demetri Alexopoulos-obsessed slightly evil predatory bird boy, Eli "Hawk" Moskowitz! Unlike with Demetri, I am fully aboard the Bisexual Eli Express. Justice for bi guys!!! We need more in media because it is in fact sexy and valid to like dick AND boobs!!!

Now, quick disclaimer that there is not a single mlw Eli ship that I personally fuck with in the least. I've been pretty loud about the reasons for my immense distaste of H*wkM**n, and could in fact write a 20 or so page essay on why they're one of my all-time NoTPs if prompted. Furthermore, my first impulse upon seeing any other female character paired with Eli (or...really, any character who isn't Demetri, or possibly Miguel in extremely specific circumstances) is to keep said pairing approximately 491263844976 feet away from me. BUT, despite my personal feelings of revulsion upon seeing Eli paired with anyone who isn't his soulmate Demetri Alexopoulos, I fully believe Eli is bisexual and that there's plenty of textual evidence to support this!

So let's dive in!

The first thing that comes to mind is how Eli vents to his mom in the 2x05 flashback about how he's "never going to get a girlfriend." Granted, as I've mentioned in some other posts, high school dating is often more about social status (i.e. being seen as "desirable" enough to get an SO makes you more popular) than genuine romantic attraction. BUT Eli voicing his concerns to someone he clearly trusts more than most people indicates to me that he wants a girlfriend more than just for show--he's attracted to girls.

I have a friend who since moved on from the fandom who did autistic analyses of Eli, and pointed out that he's often uncomfortable with eye contact. Pre-Hawk, the only two people we see him make consistent eye contact with are Demetri and his mom. This seems like a pretty good indication that these are the two people he trusts the most, and can most honestly "bare his soul" and be himself around. Another reason I think his vent to his mom about worrying he's never going to have the experience of dating a girl has authenticity to it. I can't compare this to Demetri's interactions with his mom, unfortunately (and it's a damn shame!!! I demand to see Ms. Alexopoulos in S6!!!), but I can say for certain that Eli has expressed wanting a girlfriend from a (presumably) vulnerable and honest place, while S1 Demetri only ever seems to do so performatively.

As previously established, there is no bigger H*wkM**n loather than I. I make no secret of this. HOWEVER!!! I feel like it'd be naive--and maybe even dumb--to pretend that there isn't at least some physical attraction there. Granted, they're definitely emotionally incompatible in a way I wish the show had the balls to actually address (like how the fuck is a pacifist gonna last in a relationship with a dude who loves fighting more than just about everything else lmao), but I can buy they find each other physically (and probably sexually) attractive. Moon basically says as much when she's dumping Eli in S2! They very much strike me as one of those teenage couples who are all over each other 90% because of hormones. I'd say the main difference between them and Dem and Yas is that the performative aspect doesn't seem to be there. While Dem and Yas feel like they're putting on a show, it seems like Hawk and Moon really were just that horny.

So throughout S2, we see Hawk treat Moon in kind of a possessive way, and more as arm candy to make him look good than as her own person (yet another reason I am such a Hater lmao). Despite this, he spends so much time in S3 and S4 moping over her and pining for her that I do think they had somewhat of an emotional connection, even if it was pretty surface-level. I still think their relationship was mostly based on looks and social status, but him being that hung up on winning her back (a frankly unhealthy thing that should not have been narratively rewarded btw) instead of just moving on to some other hot girl who'd give him the time of day indicates that Moon was more than just a beard.

So like. I feel like if you weren't convinced that Eli has feelings for Demetri, you wouldn't be reading a post written by tumblr user demetriandelibinaryboyfriends XD But to briefly summarize: Eli spends much of the show shooting Demetri Yearning Looks and being the only one amused by his antics. Even when they're falling out, Eli is borderline obsessive about harassing Demetri when he could just ignore him and focus on his Cool New Karate Friends. He often seeks Demetri out in fights in a way that feels pretty damn fruity. He's pretty physically affectionate with Demetri, and never seems to mind when Dem is physically affectionate with him (to the point of near cuddling in S4). This is...unusual for teenage boys, to say the least! Oftentimes even the straight ones are so terrified of being perceived as gay that they're super stingy about all but the most "no homo" type of physical affection. The fact that Dem and Eli pretty liberally put their arms around each other and give each other little gestures of physical affection makes me think that they've been in a homoerotic friendship so long that they like. Don't even realize it comes across as kinda gay??? Like Miguel and Demetri are physically affectionate too, but it's much more casual and doesn't feel as intense.

Also worth a mention that Eli is literally simping for Demetri so hard that he joins Demetri's karate dojo right after being terribly traumatized and deciding to quit karate. Why??? Because Demetri said some encouraging things to him, cuddled him on a couch, and basically confessed his love by being like "hey I'll always care about you no matter how you wear your hair or what name you go by." This man is whipped as fuck. His actor basically confirmed he won the championship for Demetri! And lest we forget, the final push that got him to betray the dojo he'd previously devoted his entire life to--also led by a dangerous war criminal sure not to take betrayal lightly, might I mention--was seeing Demetri in danger. Eli "Hawk" Moskowitz is in fact Down Bad.

So I'm not a big fan of the migu/eli ship for reasons I don't want to get into here, but imo it's completely possible Eli had feelings for Miguel at some point (I just don't think they were ever reciprocated because Miguel is in love with Sam!). He definitely idolizes Miguel and puts him on a kind of "coolness" pedestal that feels like it could easily be romantic. He also gets so obsessed with avenging Miguel that he breaks the arm of the other guy he has a crush on, so...there's also that!

Come to think of it, there are actually some really interesting parallels between the Miguel/Eli and Moon/Eli relationships. Both are kind of a case of Eli getting really enamored with this idealized idea/concept he has of a person and getting so wrapped up in that that he has a fundamental misunderstanding of and neglects the actual person's wants and needs. Hence why he's so confused when Moon and Miguel tell him they don't want him in their lives if he's going to be an ass--this isn't how the doe-eyed ever-adoring hot girlfriend and stone-cold, super aggressive badass bestie he built up in his head were supposed to react! Why are they acting like independent people with agency who don't conform to the versions of themselves in Eli's fantasies???

(This is also why I think Demetri's the healthiest and most sensible romantic partner for Eli btw. Eli doesn't idealize and borderline deify Demetri the way he does for other people he has feelings for/seems to have feelings for. He's known Dem so long that we can reasonably extrapolate any feelings that developed were based in the Demetri that was actually there, and not a fictional version he built up in his mind. In fact, it almost seems like Demetri knows Eli has a tendency to do this and won't let Eli project an untrue version of Demetri onto the real guy. That might be why Demetri staunchly refused to change himself to go along with Eli's karate shenanigans in early S2--he was basically saying "I am who I am, and I refuse to become this impossibly glorified image you're projecting onto me." And I can't blame him--I actually get really annoyed when people try to put me on a pedestal, and will often go out of my way to break their illusion that I'm whatever perfect, wholesome box they try to shove me in XD Bottom line being that between Moon, Miguel, and Demetri, I think Demetri has the healthiest relationship with Eli because it's, at the end of the day, the most honest and doesn't hinge on any untrue and unfair projections.)

At the end of the day though!!! The fact that Eli is able to separately idealize both a guy and a girl and both in a pretty romantic or romantic-coded way is pretty damning proof to me that he is in fact bisexual! Look, not all bisexuals process their feelings in healthy ways okay aiksjuuhfkdhg

He dyes his hair ALL THE DAMN BISEXUAL FLAG COLORS. And on the order they're on the flag, too??? Red (S2 - S3) to purple (S4) to dark blue (S5)??? Fucking wild. If this was a fanfiction I would joke about it being too on-the-nose, BUT NO. THIS IS CANON MATERIAL IN THE SHOW.

Okay, I'm sorry, but. NO non-queer dude dyes his hair bright-ass colors like that. Red or blue maaaaybe, but PURPLE??? NO. Straight men simply do not dye their hair purple. Like speaking as an LGBT I'm here to tell you that in the community, brightly colored hair (but especially more "flamboyant," girly colors like purple or pink) basically a signal that says "hey, I am also queer!" ESPECIALLY if you're a dude. Straight girls dyeing their hair bright-ass colors is more common, but I have never known a single straight guy to. And that's because it's associated with being gay af.

Also I can't tell you the amount of times they've put this dude in bisexual lighting. The ones I can think of off the top of my head are S2 Valley Fest and the S3 arm break, but I'm sure there are more I'm forgetting. Demetri is there both the times I mentioned. Hmmmm.

Took some liberties with the bisexual flag in this moodboard to better fit Eli's vibe...and also like. These are literally the three colors he dyes his hair in canon. I had to XD

I'm still not over that btw aksjdkhuef like it's so bisexual it's PAINFUL

I really like how this one came out <3 Hopefully I was able to capture the full scope of technonerd, avian motifs, and that one S3 angerboi I-want-to-punch-everything-and-everyone arc!

Btw the top middle picture is just supposed to be neon fire because our boi is Fiery™️, but then I realized it...kind of also looks like a mohawk??? So kudos to me for the accidental character accuracy XD

Okay so. Would you believe I have several more of these that I didn't have the chance to post? ^^; I uh. Guess I'll have to make July Pride Month 2.0 and post them then XD This is what happens when I'm too overambitious in my shitposts, eh?

As always, pic credits available upon request!

[wat-the-cur]

LEMME TRY AGAIN. Death Note for the fandom meme please!!! 🥺 I want to hear all of your opinions!!!!! 💖

Ooooh, gosh. I’m going to be honest with you, I haven’t rewatched Death Note in AGES, so my memory of so many plot points and details probably leaves a lot to be desired. That, and I’m sure that if I rewatched the series now, a lot of my opinions will have changed. For that reason, I shall not be answering all the questions, but I have picked out the ones I do have half decent answers for. Silly ones, but I hope you enjoy them all the same! I should definitely rewatch the series soon.

3 headcanons for (insert characters here): Bad news, all of my headcanons revolve around the most mundane shit imaginable, but they bring me pleasure!

Rem - So, Shinigami evolved to the point of never having to eat, but we know that they do so for pleasure. They especially seem to gravitate towards sweet food and they all seem to have favourites that they eat to the exclusion of all others. Ryuk has his apples, Sidoh loves chocolate, and Calikarcha is partial to blueberries. It is easy to assume that Rem has no favourite, because we never see her eat, but I think that she does. Rem’s favourite treat is king cake, in particular the king cake served at Mardi Gras in New Orleans. We never see her eat, because she cannot get hold of that cake in Japan and she always wants to be by Misa. Upon confiding in Misa about her guilty pleasure, Misa said, offhandedly, that she would try to bake her one, one day. She never got the chance.

Ryuk - This one is a bit silly, but we get a lot of hints throughout the manga, anime and related series that Ryuk loves cutesy things. Misa is one of them. I think Ryuk gets on very well with Misa. He and Light may understand each other better, but he has a more affectionate relationship with Misa. They share an enjoyment of cheesy TV dramas and trashy reality shows. They both like baking and dancing. They even give each other gifts sometimes. Ryuk frequently examines Misa’s plushie collection, so as a sign of friendship, she let him keep one. A pink bunny, which Ryuk keeps sat in a corner and occasionally picks up and pets.

Mello (and Matt) - Mello fucking loves hagsploitation cinema (movies featuring scary old women). It’s such an unexpected thing, but he has a collection of hagsploitation films, from the best to the forgotten, on VHS. His favourites are “Whatever Happened To Baby Jane” and “Butcher, Baker, Nightmare Maker”. Matt’s favourite film is “Clerks”, partially because it’s very funny, but also because he likes to fantasise that his life would be similar to that of Dante and Randall, had he never been whisked off to Wammy’s as a child.

2. 3 fandoms views you don’t agree with: I don’t think I’m about to say anything groundbreaking here, but here I go.

“Light was corrupted by the Death Note” I seem to remember you making a post about this one some years back, and getting a whole lot of shit in response. Like, yes Light went down a slippery slope, but it looked to me like he used his own two feet to get there. I just hate it when people remove responsibility from Light, because that sort of defeats the point of his character to me. Besides which, from day one he just came across to me like the type of guy who was one missing order of French fries away from beating the servants with the stiffest switch from the tree, so yeah.

“L was in love with Light” Listen, seriously, ship whatever you want chaps. No hate to you LawLight shippers, it just does not work for me. I absolutely do believe that Light had a fat hate crush on L, but I do not think L felt the same way. Is L a bisexual king in my opinion? Yes. Do I like he fancied Light? Maybe a little. But for me, this is no soulmate situation. Sorry. I was sad that L died, but I felt absolutely no remorse for the end of his relationship with Light.

“L was faking absolutely everything about himself (in other words, he was faking all of his autistic-coded traits)” Ahem...Nooooo he wasn’t!

14. Most intriguing rarepair: Okay, I have a few, so just hear me out. First of all, I have to mention LMello, which you got me into with your galaxy brain takes <3. Just recently I’ve been loving the idea of an alternate universe where Ryuk is Misa’s Shinigami, because I honestly think they would be so cute together. The ultimate same-interests couple. In yet another alternate universe, I love the idea of Rem and an older and wiser Sayu going up against Light. Sorry, but I somehow could never see Misa being interested in Rem, so I wanted to give her a different girlfriend and Sayu is perfect, in my opinion. Also, Rem/Kinddara Guivelostain (the female Shinigami with the fissure down the middle of her head). It appeals to my love for “viciousness personified having space in their heart for kind, tender soul”. That is this pairing.

16. Favourite behind the scenes insight: This is not even actually a behind the scenes insight, but I’ve never forgotten it. Basically, the Shinigami realm was originally conceived as being full of chunks of old metal and piles of rubble, or something to that effect. An information site that I once read must have been fucked around with, because the quote was written there as being “full of chunks of chocolate and piles of cookies”, and that had me so intrigued for ages. When you consider how the Shinigami love sweet food, it actually would have made sense.

19. Character interactions you would have loved to see: I would have loved to have seen L actually interact with the Wammy kids, I think that could have been so funny. I think the thing that always comes to my mind, is your post when you talked about L assaulting Near over Yahtzee stratagems. That killed me. I wish there were more interactions between Shinigami and humans. I wish Rem got to interact with people who didn’t treat her like dirt. As I’ve said, I’d like to have seen Ryuk and Misa have fun together. Matt deserved a few more scenes interacting with Mello, too, for sure.

21. Song that reminds of (insert characters): Again, multiple answers for this one!

Mello - “Infa-Red” by Placebo (basically any song by Placebo is a Mello song, but this is a good one)

Matt - “What A Waste” by Ian Dury and the Blockheads

Rem - “Hard Time Killing Floor Blues” cover by Chris Thomas King

Ryuk - “I Walk On Gilded Splinters” Dr. John The Night Tripper

L - “Life Without Buildings” by Japan

Misa - “Puppet On A String” by Sandie Shaw

Near - “I Dream Of Wires” Gary Numan

Thanks so much for this ask, buddy! It was a lot of fun to answer!