#adult autism

[simanita]

you've been told all your childhood that it's rude to interrupt. and now you have grown up and speak only when there is a pause in the conversation. but suddenly you understand that neurotypicals are all interrupting each other and this is quite normal. but you are already used to not interrupting and waiting for a pause in the conversation and do not understand how to normally maintain a conversation in order to talk, but at the same time not to seem rude

[trashandwriting]

The problem with being autistic is that you tell people you are autistic and they are all supportive, but then you show actual signs of autism and suddenly they get super irritated. What did you expect? That it's a fancy accessoir to make me more interesting? I'm disabled, bitches

[bifflesnitch]

The late diagnosed neurodivergent experience of being told you're wrong your entire fucking life.

You're too sensitive,

it's not too loud,

it's not too bright,

it's not overwhelming,

you're just overreacting,

it doesn't smell weird,

the texture is fine,

just eat it,

just wear it,

plans change get over it,

stop being so dramatic,

why are you so argumentative?

I was obviously joking,

why do you take everything so seriously?

I'm not yelling,

It's not a big deal,

stop nitpicking,

stop jiggling/rocking,

stop fidgeting,

stop humming/whistling/clicking,

stop talking about that,

no one cares,

you're annoying people,

you're so high strung,

just relax,

stop worrying,

stop overthinking,

just be normal

and then people act all surprised that you grow up to be an insecure, indecisive wreck. What else did you expect me to be when you spent my whole life teaching me my own perception was faulty and couldn't be trusted?

Grooming me to seek approval and validation from others for every decision I made because whenever I made them myself, they were always wrong.

[imaginarylungfish]

i constantly forget that stimming will help me. like sometimes i feel so overwhelmed and start catastrophizing about my job or a partner or my family or friends. BUT THEN I STIM. and life's okay

[exclusivelyhomosexual]

Depression is so fun bc you’ll have like 20% motivation and energy to do something after work, but then ofc you don’t do anything bc you’re 80% depressed, but then you feel guilty bc theoretically you could have done something with the 20% energy, and bc of what we learn in society, you therefore should have done something. So then you lay there feeling the 80% depressed that you already were but the 20% motivation and energy turns into guilt for not doing anything. And then if you math, that’s 100% depressed.

[ndplatypus]

When your brand of autism doesn’t let you switch hyper fixations month by month so your brain only lets you consume one fandoms content and that fixation literally can last several months if not a year or more but the fandom dies after just a month or two and your scrambling for any content you can get your grubby autistic hands on because your brain needs it to function because you work 50+ weeks and fanfiction and edits are the only stimulus keeping your brain sane but you ran out of content like 2 months ago and now your dying

[coyote-in-the-mirror]

Being autistic and traumatized is wondering why someone is forcing you to do something you don't want to (or can't) do and asking, only to be told you're "talking back" and being punished. What even is talking back? That's how a conversation works!

[beautyinthediss0nance]

[galacticscrotum]

Fellow autistics who mask, I’d like to share my experience with you to see if it’s relatable.

I’ve masked so hard my whole life. I got new headphones 2 days ago and started wearing them in public, as well as bringing my tangle fidget toy and letting myself stim with it and sort of move to the music in my headphones. I’ve gotten some strange looks from people, but because I’m not so stressed out and overwhelmed by all the sounds around me, it’s easier to let it go. Some people did seem to interact with me as though I am a child, which is annoying. But it also feels sort of nice in the way that people return my smiles more and speak kindly to me. It seems like it’s easier for people to regard me as innocent which feels nice because when I’m not “visibly” autistic (headphones and stimming), any social deficits I have appear as a stain on my character. Now that I don’t hide it, people make the connection that me acting weird is because I’m autistic.

It’s weird that people aren’t kind to autistic people who mask. They can feel that we’re not being authentic and they think we’re being fake so we can manipulate people. I don’t like being seen as a child because I have very high intellect and people tend to assume I’m intellectually challenged, but it’s nice that it’s not assumed I have bad intentions when I’m “weird.” I liked that as a child I was presumed innocent at all times, and that I’m treated similarly when I do not mask.

For anyone late-diagnosed and/or self-diagnosed, did you notice a difference in how people treat you when you unmask? Do you get treated more childishly? Are people kinder to you? What’s it like for you to unmask? What’s your experience?

[lllostgirlll]

man if i could roll my r’s my vocal stims would go CRAZY

[thispageisrendering]

Autistic Safe Spaces

If you own a business or a restaurant that serves the public, as the issue gets talked about more, you might be wondering how you can better help the neurodivergent community. Some places try to give spaces where autistic people can go to get their needs fulfilled, so if that is of interest to you, I've compiled a list of things we really enjoy.... made by an actual neurodivergent person.

NOTE: This is list is made by an adult, for adults and teens. The needs of children are slightly different, though similar, and would surely require a different list. 1. Silence - A lot of places, including malls, restaurants, and crowded stores, are overwhelmingly loud. The brains of autistic people process stimuli differently, and we can't "tune out" sounds in the same way neurotypicals can. Silence can involve the (seemingly) obvious things, like turning down music or reducing the number of people in an area, but a lot of things are loud to the point of pain that you might not think of, including metal silverware on ceramic dishware, shopping carts, doors opening and closing, and shoes on floors. A good rule of thumb is to think about how you would feel in a space if you had a migraine. This is easier in some places than others, but accommodations such as plastic dishware, softer floors, and carts left outside can make a big difference. 2. Stillness - I call the visual category stillness and not "blankness" or "simpleness" because that is simply not what I mean. A space can still be quite beautiful while not being overstimulating. We do not want ugly things, and you can still use style and color theory and design principles, but we do want walls without too much signage or distracting detail, floors and carpets without tightly repeating patterns or too much contrast (stripes and small tiles both bug me), and a visual block from the rest of the world, where things are moving like crazy.

3. Style - Because autism is often seen as a disorder than affects children, style can often be overlooked when designing materials and spaces for autistic people (although this, I would argue, is silly; many brilliant artists are / were on the spectrum, and a child, especially an autistic child, can enjoy beauty as much or more than you), and if you have the chance, I plead to you-- remedy this. Autistic people can appreciate detail and wonder in a way that is not concurrent with anything neurotypical people do, and along with having "icks", things we find particularly distressing, we also experience "glimmers", moments of unbounded joy over (possibly) seemingly ordinary things. I feel glimmers when shown any well-executed style; I feel glimmers in office buildings and abandoned neighborhoods and driving by courthouses... any style that is significantly different from my own, and significantly committed to the bit, so to speak, is a wonder to me. If you have the money and the resources, give us beauty, give us a an area that contains classy chic lounge or a medieval tavern or a vast, well-made mural of hyperfixations you polled from your own customers... pay craftsmen to give you a 20th century train station or a heist or an illusion floor in one area that looks as if dwarves are mining for gold hundreds of feet below you. You do not need to overwhelm us with detail-- this area need not be unusually large, or contain live-action roleplaying employees, or be loud or bright or over-the-top-- but you should also take the project seriously, bring people who love what they do and will truly take this opportunity with joy and a keen eye for style. 4. Solitude - I am a high-masking individual, which means that when I am being watched, I cannot "safely" relax; if you appear distressed, people sometimes talk to you, and ask if you are okay, which is a nightmare for me. I strongly prefer small, quiet spaces where I can be alone, about the size of a bathroom cubicle (which is where I do go to decompress a lot), where I can be unobserved and alone. It is a wonderful feeling-- it doesn't need to be (and shouldn't) be a perfectly soundproof room, but just somewhere I can be myself for a minute.

5. Snacking - Being autistic is exhausting. We process 42% more information than you all, and it really takes it out of us. Lots of people on all ends of the neurodiversity spectrum people have trouble waiting long hours between meals, but when a lack of snacks could mean a meltdown... please just let us eat our own food. At a sit-down restaurant, waiting for the food and not being able to eat anything until it comes is unbearable, I just get so hungry and frustrated, while being overstimulated and masking the whole time, and on top of that, because I cannot eat gluten, dairy, or much sugar / refined carbs, the appetizers are usually unappetizing or off-limits for me, and the food on the menu itself just as bad. I don't actually get much sustenance from meals provided and / or eaten in public, and a bit of acceptance around eating a couple pecans while you wait for you meal goes a long way. This is also true in stores, especially in malls, where food sold is usually not of much value to me, but there aren't great places to sit down and eat something. And, as a side note, if you want to sell food that appeals to people with autism, think Plain, Cheap, and Childish-- I mean this with absolutely no disrespect to autistic people, but I would never in a million years eat a fancy sharp cheddar (it tastes awful and gives me a headache), but I love the shredded colby jack from Costco. We like simple mac 'n' cheese, chicken nuggets, plain noodles, hot dogs... if a fancy chef would think it wasn't real food, it probably tastes amazing to us.

In conclusion: I don't know why I alliterated this list; I just started doing it, and I liked it. Many autistic people love life and everything in it, we just can't take it in all at once. Give us beauty. Give us the silence and stillness to appreciate it. And, overwhelmingly... leave us alone :). We love our solitude.

I have just been chatting in this post (I'm sure there are spelling mistakes please ignore them lol), so feel free to add if you have more ideas, fellow neurodivergents. POST SCRIPT: If you are doing anything similar to this, please talk to autistic people before embarking on a journey like this, and take in a wide bank of opinions. Don't worry, we like to answer honest questions, and we talk quite a lot if you let us. We love you guys. You got this.

[imautistsick]

Being neurodivergent is all fun and games until neurotypical people want you to stop being yourself, then it's a game that you lose everytime and cant figure out why

[trashandwriting]

Autism is funny, one moment your like "I'm fine this is fine I'm actually so great I wonder if I even have autism or if I'm gaslighting myself" and then the tiniest change happens and you're all like askebhdbejsvfbdied

[meatcrimes]

i’d do anything to avoid being “too much”

i spent my entire life making myself smaller, physically, verbally, emotionally. to the point where i was content with being “not enough”.

being “not enough” stings, but being “too much” would kill me.

[imaginarylungfish]

y'all just ever catch yourself masking alone at home? like hey there brain, no need, babe

[exclusivelyhomosexual]

The neurodivergent urge to ignore most texts from people for about 1-2 weeks and then rapid fire respond to all 35 unread messages in one night when you happen upon an inkling of dopamine, hoping no one responds again right away bc an actual Conversation™️ is out of the question, and the pressure to still be behave as a neurotypical is too much to just *never* respond, all the while hoping no one has decided to hate you for not responding sooner and simultaneously wishing they would all just forget you existed so you didn’t have to play these neurotypical social games