#because oh damn the way I wrote it has the non dirty bits in pretty good ficlet format

[blushweddinggowns]

Eddie was biting at his nails as he paced around the apartment. 

Steve still wasn't back.

He still wasn’t back and it was an hour past when he said he would be. 

He checked out the front window every few minutes, praying that he would show soon. He wouldn't be able to take this all night, he was only ten minutes away from finding him himself, parents be damned. He was probably overreacting, Steve had insisted he was overreacting, but nothing about this felt right. 

Two years they had been together, two years and Steve hadn’t seen them once. They had been at their vacation home in Jersey when things went to shit, and decided to stay there for the foreseeable future, son be damned.  There were a few calls here and there, maybe once every two months, calls that Steve was always expected to initiate, calls that he would walk away from downcast and depressed, always crawling into Eddie’s lap with a short, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Eddie’s not exactly proud, but he had eavesdropped once on the other line, morbid curiosity and worry taking full control. It was his dad who picked up, who completely ignored Steve’s small, “Can I talk to mom?” to berate him over still living at home, and how he was lucky that the housing market in Hawkins was at its worst or he’d be homeless, and how it was about time he started to pay some rent. 

“If you can actually learn to be responsible down there, we might let you live with us when the house is sold, whenever that may be. But we'll be damned if we let a free-loader stay in our home. Do you understand Steven?”

He hadn’t even said goodbye when he was done, just a short, “Your mothers sleeping, I’ll tell her you called,” and the click of the phone. 

Steve hadn’t set foot in his old house for nearly a month before that call, it was more of a glorified storage unit if anything. Steve had basically moved in with him and Wayne when they were still dancing around each other, and he could probably count the times they’d slept apart in the past two years on one hand. 

And he was already paying rent, in his own way. Even when Wayne had absolutely refused to take a dime from Steve the first time he’d tried it.

“Just keep my Eddie out of trouble and smiling, and you can stay here as long as you want, free of charge,” The embarrassing, wonderful old fuck. 

It helped that Steve was slowly becoming Wayne’s new favorite, because his uncle had fantastic taste, and Steve was probably the sole reason they had stopped eating cut up hot dogs and canned green beans every other day. 

So Steve bought groceries, gas, even snuck in a few twenties into Wayne’s wallet every month, the little weirdo. He cooked and cleaned, forcing Wayne and Eddie to do the same, out of the sheer guilt of watching someone so sweet do all of their dirty work. 

It’s not that Eddie and Wayne couldn’t take care of themselves, they could, but it had been just the two of them for so long, and Wayne had been a mill working bachelor living in a trailer park before Eddie came along, he hadn’t been brimming with knowledge on how to keep a clean house, just a moderately decent one that CPS wouldn’t raise a brow to. 

But Steve…Steve was a cleaner. 

“You learn a thing or two when you gotta get rid of all traces of a house party,” he had laughed, when Eddie had caught him cleaning under the couch, a concept neither Wayne or he had ever grasped. Though that explanation hadn’t explained how he was so good at cooking. 

It had been almost shocking the first time Steve had cooked for him. He loved Steve, he really did, respected him too, but back then the guy basically subsisted on granola bars and pop tarts, and it was Robin or Eddie who usually had to shove real food down his throat, even if it was from a shitty fast food place half the time. 

He couldn’t really be blamed for the expectation that Steve couldn’t cook for shit. So imagine his surprise when Steve blew him away with something he hadn’t even heard of before, beef bourg-something, which ended up being about the best thing Eddie had ever tasted. 

“You can’t be gorgeous, sweet, and a good cook Stevie, you gotta pick a lane here.” He had been worried for a split second that he’d gone too far with the gorgeous and sweet bit, but Steve had just laughed, so obviously pleased that Eddie liked what he made. Which, in hindsight, Eddie should have taken as a massive green flag, it could have saved him weeks of pining. 

It became a regular occurrence after that, and Steve would always glow from the approval he would get from Wayne and Eddie, like they were doing him a favor by eating delicious food. 

“My mom used to like it, when I cooked,” Steve had admitted, much later one night, “Dad hated it, said that it was a short fall to being a fag, but my mom…she always said thank you. Always smiled. She’d ask me about my day sometimes, if I made something she really liked.”

“I like doing it,” he confessed, “But I haven’t had anyone to cook for in a long time."

"Steve…"

“But now I do.” Steve interrupted with a grin, so sincere as he grasped Eddie’s hand, “For someone who deserves it."

Eddie had kissed him silly that night. 

He still wasn’t sure if he actually deserved it, but he could agree that the Harringtons certainly did not. He didn’t even know what the fuckers looked liked. Their house was always shockingly impersonal, no family photos ever in sight, just expensive meaningless art that went with the furniture.

So why were they calling now? And how did they know to call Eddie’s house?

It had been Wayne who picked up the phone, just on his way out, eyebrows raising to his hairline as he passed it to Steve. It had been a short call, and then Steve was getting dressed, trying and failing to reassure Eddie that everything was fine. 

“It happens sometimes, when they get back, it’s like a checklist item, to see me.” Steve had said, shrugging on Eddie’s jacket. He was failing to reassure him, not when he could see his hands shaking as he tied his shoes, “I’ll be fine. It will be one awakward dinner, and then I’ll be back before you know it.”

Eddie watched him, trying to process the whiplash of Steve being calmly cuddled up to his side to getting ready to rush out the door.  

“If it’s not gonna take long then I can just wait in the car baby, it’s not that big a deal-”

“Eddie, no,” He was firm and unyielding, but was refusing to look Eddie in the eye,“I’ll be fine, trust me okay?”

He kissed his cheek on the way out the door, “Nine at the latest, I swear.”

Eddie didn’t trust him, not with this. Steve didn’t talk about his parents much, but the small things he had been able to coax out of him were never good. Selfish, neglectful, mean, but he wouldn’t elaborate, never going further than small stories and tidbits. Eddie never pushed him, never asked explicitly, but he had a pretty strong suspicion it didn’t end there. 

Steve had scars, some he would talk about and others he wouldn’t. He could perfectly recite the story of the mark on his chin, even though he was messed up on truth serum with a russian induced concussion, but when asked about the thin, silvery lines that adorned his body, he suddenly couldn’t remember a thing. 

And Eddie wasn’t the only one suspicious, the rumor mill of Hawkins was strong. Daniel Harrington was known for his temper, and was borderline psychotic in highschool according to Wayne, always trying to pick fights, and always buying his way out of the consequences. 

Back in highschool, there were a few whispers in the hallways, small shit about hearing screaming from the Harrington household, rumors about hand shaped bruises seen in the locker room, questions about why Steve startled so hard at loud noises. 

Eddie had dismissed it, something he still hasn’t quite forgiven himself for, and most of the school did with him. Afterall, kids who had their dads beat the shit out of them weren’t popular, they weren’t captains of the swim team, they didn’t walk around in designer clothes or drive new cars. They were supposed to be damaged losers, easy to pick from the crowd. Someone like Eddie, never someone like King Steve. When in reality, even without his parents, Steve had been dealing with shit that would have sent normal people spiraling for years. 

Even Wayne was on edge, obviously disturebed by the Harrington's sudden arrival. He eventually called from his girlfriend’s place, checking in on how it went, grunting unhappily when Eddie told him he still hadn’t gotten back yet, “If he’s not home in a few hours call Hopper.”

“Agreed.”

Eddie gave up on pacing and peeking, deciding to just sit his ass down on the front stoop and stare at the street. He was seconds away from giving in entirely, already trying to remember where he put his keys when he saw it. Familiar headlights were making their way up his street, parking crookedly on the curb.

Oh thank god. Eddie finally let himself breathe for the first time in hours. He should have just trusted Steve like he said-

His brain short-circuited as he watched the car door open and Steve tumble out of the driver's side, falling to the curb. Eddie was flying off of the stoop, at Steve's side in a moment as he struggled to stand. 

Fuck, fuck, fuck, his baby was bleeding. His baby was bleeding and blurry eyed as he pathetically tried to stand up. Eddie didn’t hesitate, scoping him up in his arms to bring him inside.

“What the hell happened Steve?” Eddie asked, panicked as he laid him out on the couch. He looked awful, so bad that Eddie wanted to cry. His right eye was swollen and already purpling, his lip was split, sending dark, red tracks down his chin. Eddie took his jacket off for him, eyes widening to see the blood running down his arms, embedded bits of glass sparkling in the light.

"I'm sorry I’m late," Steve slurred, trying and failing to help Eddie remove the jacket, “It didn’t go so good.”

That was the understatement of the fucking century. Eddie’s mind was a cluster fuck, filled with worry, confusion, rage, despair at seeing Steve so hurt, for no fucking good reason. But he needed to focus, freaking out wasn’t helping Steve, who was still fucking bleeding. Stopping that took precedent. 

Steve looked down at himself, frowning as he seemimly took in the damage for the first time, before stupidly trying to sit up, “I’ll get blood on the couch,” 

That stupid statement was enough to get Eddie out of his shock.

“I don’t give a shit about the couch Steve.” Eddie hissed out, fighting not to yell. He was feeling too much all at once, but he refused to let himself be mad at Steve for being so idiotically self neglinat, not when he needed him. He rubbed a hand over his face, steeling himself to get his shit together before standing. 

“Wait here sweetheart, and keep your eyes open, okay? I’ll be right back,” Eddie had to gently push Steve back down when he tried to sit up, “Just let me take care of you.”

Steve nodded, seemingly accepting the fact that yes, his literal life took precedence over cheap furniture. Eddie made it to the bathroom in record time, for once surreally grateful he had experienced the Upside Down, because it had forced him to have multiple first aid kits on hand. 

He was back in less than a minute, horrified to see Steve standing on unsteady feet, spreading a blanket on the couch, like ruining the upholstery with this blood was really the priority here. He had the good grace to look guilty when he saw Eddie, sitting back down with a heavy sound, unprompted. 

Calm down, calm down, calm down, Eddie thought to himself, before kneeling in front of Steve. His hands were shaking as he opened the first aid kit, but he made them work. He pressed up against the cut on his lips with cotton rounds, placing Steve’s hand against it to keep the pressure. His arms were worse, and his shaking wasn’t helping him tweeze the glass out, beer bottle by the looks of it, but he managed. 

Steve was still acting woozy, barely acknowledging the sting of the alcohol as Eddie bandaged and cleaned all of his cuts, “What hurts the most baby? I need you to tell me.”

“Head,” Steve mumbled, “feels like it’s burning.”

Fuck, Eddie didn’t know what to do with that. Surface level shit he could handle, but it sounded like he had a concussion, “Steve, I think we need to take you to a hospital-”

“No.” It was automatic, so quick from Steve’s mouth that Eddie did a double take. 

“Why the hell not?”

"I don’t…" he sighed, "I don't want everyone to know, okay? Not yet. I just want you."

"But-"

“Eddie, please?” He was begging, pleading in a way Eddie didn’t know how to say no too.

Eddie pinched the bridge of his nose, forcing himself to be patient, “Okay, okay. Just stay right here, and keep your eyes open, got it? I’ll be right back.”

Eddie kissed him on the forehead, ignoring his soft comments about being sweaty and gross. He went straight to the phone, calling the only number he could think of. 

Wayne picked up on the third ring, obviously expecting the call. He told him everything, desperate for advice, “He doesn’t want to go to the hospital, but he looks bad, Wayne. I-I don’t know what to do,”

“Jesus christ, wait a second.” 

Eddie kept peeking his head out into the hall, like Steve was going to spontaneously combust if he let him out of his site for too long. He repeated everything to Mindy, relieved that there was someone who knew what to do.

“Oh honey…Keep him awake okay? If he can’t stay conscious, call 911, don’t wait for us. And don't move him too much, we’ll be right there."

Thank god for Mindy, the saint. He had already adored the woman the first time they’d met, just from the way she made his uncle smile, but this was going to have her in his good books for the end of time. 

Steve was still awake when he got back, thankfully. Eddie sat on the floor next to him, taking his hand, “Wayne and Mindy are coming over in a bit, okay? Someone has to check on you.”

Steve started to protest, but one look at Eddie’s unamused face shut him up. He looked away, “I forgot she was a nurse.”

“If she says you need to go to the hospital, you’re going.”

“Okay.”

Eddie waited for Steve to start telling him what the fuck had happened, so he knew who he had to murder. But he didn’t say anything, he just kept occasionally playing with the rings on Eddie’s hands, proving that he was still awake. 

Eddie broke the silence first, he just couldn’t take not saying anything,“You’re not going back there. Ever. I'm never letting you out of my sight again.”

Steve laughed, wincing when it made his lip bleed a bit more. That was almost enough to have Eddie crying all over again. 

“I, um, can’t go back there, actually.” He didn’t even look sad, just resigned, “They said it was you or them. I chose you and,” he chuckled, humorless, “And they did not take it well.”

“They know?” Eddie asked, the answer obvious, but the how wasn’t. They were hundreds of miles away, never giving a single shit about their son’s life.

He nodded, “They told me on the phone, said they knew what I was up to, that I owed them an explanation.”

“How?”

“Tommy, I guess. He called them, sat down with them or something,” he shrugged and even that small movement looked painful, “Worried about my life choices or some shit.”

Another one to the list of people Eddie was going to have to choke out. 

Eddie should have never let him go over there alone, or at all. He knew something was up, he fucking knew it, but he was here sitting on his hands while Steve was getting the shit beat out of him. 

Eddie wanted him to look at him, needed him to look at him. He cradled Steve’s face, carefully moving him to meet his eyes, "Stevie…baby, why did you go?”

He looked so broken down, tears starting to gather in the corner of his eyes. Steve went to bite his lip, flinching when he realized what a mistake that was, “If I didn’t go he would have shown up here. A-and I didn’t want you to get hurt. I thought I could talk them down or something, or just lie my way through it but…I couldn’t.” 

Eddie resisted the urge to argue with him, to say that Steve mattered more, that he couldn’t put himself in harm’s way for his sake, that he would have gladly been the one to take the beating if it meant he would be okay. He was tracing the outline of his jaw, half for comfort and half to check for more injuries, biting down all of his indignation. 

“How many times have they done this before?”

“They haven’t-”

“Sweetheart, please don’t lie to me,” Eddie wiped the tears from his good eye, patient.

Steve took a deep breath, closing his eyes, admitting the truth out loud for the first time in his life, “I’ve lost count.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

"I didn't want to scare you away,"

Eddie frowned, immediately confused, “What does that mean?”

The tears were really starting to fall now, Steve wincing at the sting of them in his cuts, “I-I know I’m already a lot okay? I’m clingy and annoying a-and I fucking scream and shit in the middle of the night and I just didn’t want to add another thing for you to have to deal with.”

Blaming himself for the terrible things other people did to him, classic fucking Steve. Eddie wanted to shake him, to yell at him that he was the most important person in his world, how could anything ever scare him away?  But he held it all back.

"There is nothing that would ever make me not want you," Eddie swallowed, his own eyes starting to sting, "I'll always love you, don't you know that?"

"I-I do, really, I just...I don't know. I should have told you," Steve managed to look ashamed through his tears, and it just made Eddie's heart hurt more. He wanted to hug him, to hold him tight, and never let go. But he couldn't, not without hurting him. Steve's favorite thing in the world was getting held, and they managed to take that away. Eddie didn't know why that fact was standing out so much, but he'd never forgive them for it. 

He could hear the sound of Wayne’s truck pulling into the driveway, footsteps not far behind. Eddie kissed the side of his mouth, as lightly as he could before standing to let them inside. 

Mindy made quick work of tending to him, revealing more injuries under his clothes that Eddie hadn't even realized were there. His heart almost stopped at the sight of Steve shirtless, mottled yellow bruising strewn across his sides.

He and Wayne stood on the sidelines, both anxious as they waited for the news. Wayne was furious in a way that he hadn’t seen since he was a kid, back when it was Eddie being patched up from his own shit dad.

"You can stay home tonight," she finally declared to Steve, gesturing Eddie over, "You just need lots and lots of rest. Give those ribs a chance to heal a good while before you do anything strenuous. Now let's help get you to bed.”

"Thank you," Steve mumbled as Eddie scooped him up. Now that he had gotten the go-ahead to sleep, Steve was already letting his eyes fall closed, clearly exhausted. He set him down on the bed carefully, helping him change into clean clothes, ignoring the weak protests that he could do it himself. 

“Please don’t go after him,” Steve mumbled when Eddie got him under the covers, "Promise me?"

Eddie hesitated, "But-"

"It's not about them," Steve rushed out, shaking his head, "Getting arrested isn't worth it. Losing you isn't worth it. Swear?”

He was right, Eddie knew Steve was right. His father wasn't just anybody, he'd press charges against almost any offense against him. And he had the lawyers to back it up. Steve was still looking at him, struggling to keep his eyes open as he waited. Eddie relented, begrudgingly giving into stupid things like logic, “I swear.”

"Thank you," Steve whispered, finally letting himself fall asleep, "I love you."

Eddie kissed his forehead, staying by his side until he was fully out of it, losing himself in his own thoughts. He wouldn’t lie to Steve, he couldn’t lie to Steve, even if he wanted to. 

He wouldn't lay a hand on his father. But that didn't mean he couldn't get his shit back. Preferably before it was thrown out or damaged by his psychotic family. He left Wayne with a sleeping Steve, after a few dozen promises, that no, he was not going to go commit a violent felony.

Just a few misdemeanors. 

“If they haven't already skipped town, then you come right back. You hear me?” Wayne insisted, watching him tie up his boots with narrowed eyes. 

“I hear you. It'll be two hours, tops.”

He parked a block away, slinking along the sidewalk. Lucky enough for him, there were no cars in the driveway of the Harrington house, and all the lights were off. The whole neighborhood was quiet. It sure looked like they booked it, maybe too afraid of an assault charge actually sticking to stay in town.

Breaking into Steve’s room was easy, first floor with an unlocked window? Child’s play. His room looked untouched, thankfully. Whatever had happened, hadn’t happened here. He didn't waste time, immediately starting to throw the few things left in his bag. There really wasn’t much to grab, a few mixtapes, some drawings from Will, the last of his clothes. Eddie was searching under the bed when he heard it, the sound of the knob turning. 

He froze, hearing a sharp intake of breath behind him. He expected whoever it was to start yelling, but instead there was only the click of the door closing shut behind them. He turned slowly, surprised to see who was standing there.  

He had never seen her before, but he recognized her immediately. Steve looked just like her. The same big eyes and pouty mouth, the same gravity defying hair. They stared at each other, but she didn’t scream. She kept her eyes on him as she walked forward, primly sitting at Steve’s pristine desk. 

Eddie was trying to calculate how much time it would take to book it back down the window and to his car, when she opened her mouth, “You can keep packing, don’t worry. Daniel’s gone for now.”

She was shuffling around in Steve’s old desk as she spoke, "You're Eddie, I presume.”

It was a statement, not a question, despite the phrasing, but Eddie answered anyway, “That’s me.”

She found what she was looking for, plain paper and a pen and started scribbling as she spoke, “Is he okay?”

That broke him out of his stunned little trance. Eddie stared at her, baffled and annoyed that she would even ask, “He’s alive.”

“Did he go to the hospital?”

“Why do you care?” He was pushing it. He should just pack Steve’s shit and go, but he was stuck, seething at the woman who allowed Steve to live with that monster, too angry to keep his mouth shut.

She shrugged, “If my husband is about to be arrested for disciplining our son, I’d like to know about it.”

There it was. Eddie was pretty sure this was the first time he had ever wanted to hit a woman before. He scoffed, “Un-fucking-believable. I’m not even going to answer that.”

He made his way into the closet, grabbing the few things that were still left on hangers. She was still scribbling at Steve’s desk, when he came out, flipping the page over to start on the back. 

She didn’t look up at him, “He’s…” she shook her head, eyes on the paper, “It’s never been that bad before.”

Eddie ignored her, hurriedly going through Steve’s drawers, desperate to just get away from this bitch, this house, and get back to his Steve.  

She was folding the paper up, letter style, before finally looking back up at Eddie. She was biting her lip, the exact same way Steve did, “Will you take care of him? If he stays?”

“Better than you.” Eddie snapped, mind jumping on the if. 

She stood giving him a head to toe look, obviously displeased with what she saw. She held the letter out, “Give him this. He deserves to know he has options, and everything he’s giving up, because of you.” She said it matter of factly, like Eddie was just a temporary bump in the road, “We can give him a new start, and he’ll need a new start somewhere anyway, his father is spreading the news of your affair as we speak.”

Eddie stared down at the letter, making no moves to take it, "Your husband nearly kills him, and you think he’s going to be open to giving him a new start?" He scoffed, “Are you insane? Steve’s never going near that psycho again.”

“I could convince him,” she insisted, “When he calms down and realizes Steve needs help, he’ll be willing to give it to him.”

She shook the letter at him, her forced calm finally starting to crack, “Just give it to him. Consider it a trade for me not having you arrested for trespassing.”

Eddie snatched the letter from her hands, stuffing it into his back pocket, "Fine."

“Good. You can go back out through the window,” she said, turning to leave, “No reason for the neighbors to see more than they already have tonight."

“He won’t come back,” Eddie said, staring at her back,“He has a new family now, a real family, and I’ll never let either of you hurt him again.”

She scoffed, “We’ll just see about that,” Eddie could feel the venom behind her words, a peek into the real person behind the pretty mask. She slammed the door on the way out, like the petty child she was. 

Eddie hated her, hated how she was so sure of herself, so confident with someone she didn’t even fucking know. 

He hated how she thought she loved Steve.

Eddie was still fuming by the time he got home. He dumped the duffle bag into the entryway, the letter still burning a hole in his pocket. Steve wasn't going to leave him because of some scribbled words from his mom, on some level he knew that.

But even on the off chance he had suffered some serious brain damage and wanted to go back he wouldn't let him anyway. He'd kill Daniel Harrington himself before letting his Steve be around the piece of shit. He stepped from the hall into the living room, freezing when he saw Steve curled up on the couch, wide awake. He looked relieved to see him, before letting a frown take over his bruised face.

“What are you doing out of bed?” Eddie asked, shrinking a little at Steve’s glare. He ignored the question. 

“What did you do?” Eddie flinched, but he couldn’t really blame him for expecting the worst. His track record wasn’t exactly…stellar in the physical protection department. 

He raised his hands, placating, “Nothing, I promise! You won’t be seeing my name plastered on any headlines. I just got your stuff.”

Steve stared at him, looking for any tells. Eddie didn’t know how he did it, but the guy would just know when he was lying. Eventually he seemed satisfied with whatever he saw, relenting.

“Come here then,” he made grabby hands, adorable even when he was pissy and all bruised up. 

Eddie went to him, hugging him with careful hands, “How are you feeling baby?”

“Horrible,” Steve admitted, cuddling into his side “But not worse.” 

Eddie nodded, taking him in. He still looked awful, but he was way more coherent than a few hours ago, a sign in the right direction. He thought of the letter burning a hole in his pocket, wondering if it would really be so terrible to just throw it away, Steve none the wiser. What could she possibly say to make up for this?

But on the other hand…it wasn’t his choice to make.

“I uh, “ he rubbed a hand against the back of his neck, “Kinda ran into your mom, while I was there.”

Steve went rigid in his arms, staring up at him with wide-eyes. 

"But nothing happened!" Eddie rushed out, flinching at the sight of Steve’s panicked face, "We just talked."

“Why would she want to talk to you?”

Eddie sighed, digging into his back pocket. Now or never he guessed, “She wanted me to give this to you.”

Steve stared at the envelope, taking it in shaky hands, “She gave it to you?”

"Wrote it out in front of me. She said, uh, that you deserved to know everything you were giving up.”

Because of me. 

He left that part unsaid.

Steve frowned at the paper in his hand, shaking his head, "Help me up," 

“You’re not supposed to be moving-”

“Just to the kitchen,” Steve insisted, “I’ll lay down right after,”

Eddie gave in, helping Steve to his feet, fully intending to drag him back to bed the second he was done with whatever this was. Steve steadied himself, shooing Eddie away to weakly walk towards the kitchen.

Eddie followed him, confused as he dug around in the drawers, finding whatever he was looking for before going to the sink. Eddie watched, wide eyed as he lit a match, promptly setting the paper on fire.

"Steve-"

“It doesn't matter what it says," Steve cut in, letting it drop into the sink, "I made my choice."

He turned away from the sink, stepping back into Eddie’s arms, “All I want is you.”

Eddie held him, forcing himself to be gentle when all he wanted to do was bury himself into the other man, "You won't regret it.” Eddie choked up, teary-eyed, “I'll spend the rest of my life making sure you don't."

"It sounds like you're proposing," Steve said with a wet laugh. Eddie started kissing his face, helpless to not touch him. 

"Maybe I am,”He managed to gasp out in between pecks, “But only if you'd say yes." 

Fuck being young. Fuck every doubt that other people would have. There was no future that existed where Eddie wouldn't want Steve. This was it, the only person he would ever want, ever need. Steve stopped him at his mouth, careful of his cut as he kissed him, so light it was barely there.

He whispered into the small space between their lips, like a secret just for them, "I would."

[starbuckie]

𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠

pairing(s): college!peter parker x reader, dark!steve rogers x reader, dark!sam wilson x reader, dark!bucky barnes x reader

words: 8.1k words

warnings: DARK!FIC, SMUT 18+ (unprotected sex, foursome turned fivesome, gangbang, non-con/dub-con, daddy kink, oral M and F-receiving, spit kink, degredation kink, praise kink, creampie), age-gap (reader is in her early 20s), cheating, angst, there’s like zero fluff

summary: peter should’ve made it back to the tower for date night on time, or maybe just before he found his girlfriend being fucked by three other superheroes.

a/n: eee my first dark fic! im so so happy with the way this turned out, and even though it was a pain in my ass for nearly three months, im so hapy to share it with y’all. this idea was brought up by an anon from @mypoisonedvine’s saturday sleepover a few months back, but i switched up tony and sam bc i didn’t like the tony and peter stuff. hopefully my smut has improved from the first time i wrote it in january, and just a reminder that in no way, shape, or form do i condone rape of any kind. there’s a large difference from the page and the real world. i try to put all tw’s in the tags and warnings, but if there was something i missed please tell me. thank you to my lovely bestie @mermaidxatxheart for beta-reading(i have no fucking clue what i’d do without your help). feel free to leave a comment or two and reblog, but don’t repost anywhere or i will hunt down your ass. thank you again and please please enjoy <3

main masterlist || mcu masterlist || sebastian stan characters masterlist

Bucky wasn’t planning to fuck Y/N as soon as he saw her.

It started with a faint mention, something Tony had thrown around along the lines of, “Parker’s bringing his girl down here tomorrow, don’t be an asshole”. He didn’t give a damn what Tony said or how he acted around Peter’s girl. Years of being thrown between gruesome mind-wiping and being half-dead, asleep in a freezer would do that to a man.

So the next day when Peter brought his girlfriend in, he was scratching his ass like a fucking ape and downing a beer with a messy bun at the nape of his neck, until he actually saw her. Neat hair, even neater laces with a sweet smile but a body that could kill. Didn’t matter that she was bundled under Parker’s hoodie and a pair of jeans- he could always admire a pretty dame, but Bucky could see that she was beyond that. It was as if God had intentionally made the one being, the one ethereal creature beautiful and angelic enough to be a sin away from him, so that he couldn’t touch her. Because she was young, and in her twenties, and that shouldn’t have even been the first two things that popped up in his mind because she was also Peter’s girlfriend.

But then she had the audacity to stick her hand out, a shy grin and twinkle in her eyes as she gave her name. It sounded so pretty rolling off of her tongue, and he wondered what it would sound like while he groaned it into her cunt.

Y/N. 

So, yeah, maybe Bucky wasn’t planning to fuck her as soon as he met her, but it was pretty damn close after.

-

Steve Rogers was one of very few men who said they had the pleasure of banging nearly every woman on the north side of Manhattan. Bucky indulged in the fact that the man who had once been too shy to do so much as meet a gal’s gaze was now “a dollar whore”, but he was more than happy to keep that title if it meant he could continue to get off in the nearest woman’s mouth everyday. 

Every time he walked down the streets of New York with just a simple ball cap and jeans, he could feel stares on his back from what seemed like miles away, girls on every street corner just waiting for him to take her into the nearest public bathroom and fuck them dirty. CEOs, baristas, girls fresh out of getting master’s degrees with stars in their eyes and big dreams, until he shattered them by making them gag on his cock and scream his name into bedsheets. Or tile floors. He didn’t care as long as they were screaming. The girls of this century were just too delectable to turn down. He didn’t discriminate. His dick had been in women of every height, stature, hair color, and he had quite the variety throwing themselves at him as well.

And then Tony ruined it all and sat him down with a simple explanation that the image of Captain America was being tainted with disturbing stories of girls being fucked in the ass and thrown on their knees in dirty bathroom stalls. The blond was beyond pissed when the billionaire told him to stop dicking around, but he couldn’t do anything else if he wanted to keep his title and job. In a new century, even if he’d had a few years to adjust, he was still absolutely oblivious when it came to anything outside of aliens and sex. There was nothing left for him outside of being an Avenger, so reluctantly he agreed to keep his number of conquests to a minimum, and most definitely inside of the tower rather than out on the street.

However, inside of the tower seemed to be no problem at all when Peter brought his girlfriend over, all smiles and straight A’s, and that’s when Steve realized that he’d yet to fuck a bright, little college student. He could see himself stripping her from the innocence in her eyes, loosening up her pussy with his thick cock against the wall in his room.

Surely Tony couldn’t reprimand him for spending a little time trying to bond with Peter’s new girl, right?

-

Sam Wilson was a simple man. He had a job, a well-paid one at that, somewhere to live, a girlfriend, or a woman to keep him company, that’s for sure- but for once in his life he was seeking out something other than missions, something that would keep him busy when he was feeling bored, something like-

Pleasure, and he knew that he’d finally found what he was looking for the moment Peter brought his girlfriend through the elevator doors on the fifty-sixth level of the Avengers tower. She’d shaken his hand so daintily and spoke so politely that if he were to see her without any backstory, he’d think she was another innocent, dim-witted college student, breaking her bank account every Saturday morning and naively believing that her relationship would last longer than a few months. But by the things Parker had told him, she was much more than that.

Was it shitty of Peter to tell his teammates, the people he worked with, how Y/N was in bed? By the majority’s vote, probably, and by Sam’s strict conduct of his own morals, definitely, but when Peter’s girl looked like that and he was so incredibly bored with his routine? 

Well, fuck, Sam had never been happier that the Spider-kid had told everyone how his girl gave head.

Peter brought his girlfriend in daily after that, and every one of her visits, she grew less shy and more friendly, and the Falcon saw each of his friends gape at her growing comfortability with a wolfish demeanor. It started with the water incident with Steve in the kitchen, where he so clearly spilled water on her already thin, white camisole with intention. Sam couldn’t say he was upset though, after all Steve had offered him and the rest of the Avengers quite a show when he tried to clean up her shirt, taking his sweet, sweet time to fondle her tits as subtly as he could, his eyes staring at her pebbled nipples poking through the material. He could see Bucky hiding his boner under his cereal bowl on the couch that day. 

Then of course, he’d been no better than America’s sweetheart himself when he greeted Y/N with a hug that in hindsight, was a little too enthusiastic. His large hands squeezed into the pockets of her back pocket, and if the college student found anything weird with it, she didn’t say so, but Sam graciously palmed the round globes of her ass in his hands, feeling the muscle clench under his fingers. Oh, how he’d never hugged someone that tight ever before in his life. Maybe he would’ve gotten a bit further than squeezing her ass had it not been for his own girlfriend standing behind him, ready to introduce herself to Y/N.

Bucky, well, Sam could admit that Bucky had the most guts out of all of them. Though the super-soldier was normally well-reserved and polite, the dark glint in his eyes the day he met Y/N let him in on the secret that he had a much dirtier mind than most thought. It had been movie night that time, and he barely even tried to cover up how much he wanted the girl, his hands resting all over her as they watched Inception. Hardly a movie to get so riled up over, yet Bucky’s hand still inched its way up her thigh, his rough fingers gently carressing the flesh until they started to lightly trace the apex of her thighs. 

If she noticed anything then, she didn’t comment on it, doe-like eyes just marvelling at the screen in great intrigue. It was only when Peter’s arms wrapped around her a bit tighter did she scooch away from Bucky’s touch, with a small apology and shy grin. 

That only made his dick harder.

On the other side of Bucky, his super-soldier counterpart tapped his knee gently, forcing their blue eyes to meet each other. No words had to be said between the two, three men when they looked over to Sam, because they all recognized that look they saw in each other's eyes; predatory, dark, nearly voracious in the way they all wanted to be balls deep inside of Y/N.

And they would get there. No matter how long it took, they knew that the ultimate prize of tearing their prey apart would be more than worth the wait.

-

“Hey, babe, I’m gonna be a little late. Ned and I got stuck back in the lab, so we’re gonna need to stay until eight or nine. Can you make it to the tower by yourself alright?”

Peter’s concerned voice made Y/N smile gently as she trudged along the rainy streets of New York. He always loved to worry about her, especially when it was dark and gloomy out, but she could handle herself pretty okay. By pretty okay, of course meant she could kick ass like no other twenty-something year-old, but she wasn’t one to brag. Y/N readjusted the Kate Spade purse on her shoulder with her right hand, attempting to keep her umbrella over her head with the other. “I’ll be fine, Pete, just go finish up and get back to me. I’m gonna be waiting in your room at the tower before you go off on that mission this weekend.”

A small sigh came through the speaker, “Okay, I’ll try to get back to you soon. I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you too, Pete.” 

“Oh,” she could hear the shy but no less mischievous smile that was taking over his face, “I left you a little present on the bed, make sure you open it before I get back.”

Y/N’s face heated at the implication. “Peter Parker, you dirty little-” He ended the call with a laugh, and she huffed out a small chuckle at his childish antics.

The walk to the Avengers tower would have been nice, had it not been for the downfall of rain, making everything mushy, socks being absolutely soaked through her sneakers by the time she arrived. The receptionist at the front desk, Jenny, if Y/N remembered correctly, stared at her a little oddly, probably not expecting to see the young college girl in such a state of disorder, but it didn’t affect her at all. She confidently strutted up to the elevator, pressing in the floor number where all the rooms were located. Y/N scrolled through her Twitter feed on her phone while classic rock blared through the elevator with the constant shuffling of people moving in and out. Seven minutes and thirty-two seconds later she was sprinting down the halls with soggy shoes and damp hair, her cold body screaming for warmth.

Peter’s room was the farthest down the hall, and the room was fairly empty. He rarely stayed at his room in the tower, preferring to stay with his Aunt May or keep Y/N company in Brooklyn. When she entered the room, she saw a plain white shirt and a pair of socks strewn upon the carpeted floor, but what really caught her eye was the red box wrapped in a pink bow on the bed. Deciding it would add more suspense if she opened it later, she quickly hopped in the shower, letting the hot water warm her freezing, rigid muscles under the spray. 

Peter didn’t have all the products she’d usually use before she knew they were going to have sex, so she had to make do with the half-used bar of Irish Spring and his small travel-sized bottles of shampoo and conditioner, promising the fresh, breezy smell of citrus and mint. It was a quick process; two squeezes of shampoo, shaving with the green soap as best as she could without cutting herself, one squeeze of conditioner. A fuzzy towel sat waiting for Y/N on the rack, with the Spiderman symbol as a prank gift from her to her lovely boyfriend, and without a second to let the heat leave her damp skin, she wrapped herself in it, quickly hopping out to the bedroom again.

The lingerie she set out on the bed was a deep set burgundy color, with lace decorating the delicate corset and the trim of the satin panties. The packaging really did not do it justice. Y/N grinned at the new set, one that she knew would happily be torn from her body later. A shiver ran through her as she let the cold air fall over her skin, carefully slipping the lingerie on. It was a damn shame, really; the set was quite nice, and she reminded herself to buy more of the nicely suiting color for their nights together. 

Click.

Y/N’s heart thumped with anticipation as she heard the door open and she took a quick moment to ready herself. Hair in perfect style, legs stretched along the length of the bed to make herself look as seductive as possible, a small smirk thrown on her pouty lips.

But in the darkened room, it wasn’t Peter’s shadow that appeared. Three men, three tall, bulkier men’s shadows appeared at the foot of the bed, and horror washed over her as she realized who they were. “Goddamn, dolly, I’ve imagined what you would’ve looked like under those sweaters, but this is much sweeter than I expected.”

The sinister face of Bucky Barnes came into her view, just a sliver of moonlight lighting up his pale skin. His eyes raked over Y/N’s uncovered skin, and goosebumps appeared as she tried to cover herself up under his predatory gaze.

“W-what are you doing here?” She whispered worriedly. Sam and Steve flanked the bed on either side of her, plastered sickly sweet smiles on their faces, providing her with a false sense of security that made her heart scream in fear. Though she wasn't making any noise, her lungs felt like they were going to give out, her throat closing up like an allergic reaction. 

Her head whipped every which way in robotic movement, her brain seeming to fail her as she scanned the room for an exit. Several moments of shortened breaths, cold air chilling her body, before she came out of her freezing shock to realization.

“Why are you here? Please, get out, just g-get out!”

A calloused hand pushed away Y/N’s left arm that covered her tits, and Steve groaned at the sight of her pebbled nipples. “God, baby, they’re as pretty as I thought they’d be. Been trying to feel them up all week, but you knew that, didn’t you?”

Saturday the week before at lunch when he’d spilled water over chest and tried to clean her up. Sam’s friendly hug that became a bit less friendly when his hands slipped into the back pockets of her jeans. The movie night on Monday when Bucky’s hand caressed her thigh a little too close to her core. All of their touches began to make more sense, and her eyes filled with tears at the realization. 

“Please,” she begged, tears blocking her vision, “I promise I won’t tell anyone, not even Pete, but please just go.”

“You just don’t get it, do you?” Steve asked. He grasped her chin roughly, his face close enough to hers so that she could feel his fiery breath on her lips. “We’re not leaving, sweetheart. You’re gonna let all three of us play with your pretty little body, and you’re gonna make the prettiest sounds for us, alright?”

Y/N shook her head violently, too afraid to make noise, but also bold enough to make one last attempt at freedom. The hand that held her chin quickly moved to slap her cheek, and she hated the way the sting made heat stir in her lower belly. She tried to shy away from their touch again, but Bucky’s face simply held the same smirk as he trailed his vibranium fingers up and down her leg. 

“Oh, come on, Y/N, don’t act all shy now. Peter has been telling us how good you’ve been to him and don’t think he hasn’t told us about your little childhood crush on little ol’ me. Been wanting to fuck you ever since.” Bucky’s hand quickly left her body, instead moving to palm over the bulge in his pants. “Fuck, sweetheart, got me real hard just thinking ‘bout your pussy swallowing my cock. Bet you’re gonna be a sweet, obedient girl for me, right?”

Fire started to course through Y/N’s veins, and with all the power she tried to dampen it down with, it seemed to push through her body that much more dangerously. She despised the fact that she could feel herself growing wet for the three older men, but God, she had never felt the need to be filled up as badly as she did in that moment.

“You’re a bit of a slut, don’t you think?” Sam mocked. He kneeled on her right, his eyes fixated on her panty-clad pussy, a wet patch already forming on the soft satin. It really didn’t help that three of her teen celebrity crushes were eyeing her nearly naked body like a piece of meat. “I mean, look at you, already growing wet and needy for three cocks. Is that what you want, honey? Parker not treating you good enough?”

She hesitated. Goosebumps rose across her skin at the sinister tone of his voice, like he already knew it was true. And it was true and she hated that Sam was right, but as amazing as Peter was a boyfriend, it was clear from the vibrator hiding in his apartment’s bathroom that he was not amazing in the sheets. Every time, she held hope that it would be better, that she would finally get to stop faking an orgasm before he rolled out of the bed with a filled up condom, but she knew deep down inside of her that it wasn’t happening anytime soon. Y/N forced herself to nod weakly at Sam’s questions, and Bucky chuckled. “Oh, you poor dolly, we’re gonna have so much fun with you. Treat you better than that little boy ever could.”

All it took was a whimper, a nearly audible, deadly silent whimper that managed to squeak its way past Y/N’s throat, and the three men took it as permission to ravage her body however they pleased.

Steve made quick work of his pants as Sam lifted her chin to kiss him, his tongue hot and heavy against her mouth, coaxing her lips open. The sound of belt buckles hitting the floor shamefully turned on Y/N even more. Panic coursed through her senses, her mind wanting to scream for them to stop, but her body knew her too well as she felt a wave of slick run down her thighs. Cold metal digits slipped under the waistband of her panties, moving to her wet folds, and she whimpered into Sam’s mouth at the touch. 

“You look so nice, baby, so pretty all laid out for us like this.” Bucky’s hands pulled down her panties as Steve pinched her peaked nipple through the lace, laying lavish, open-mouthed kisses down her torso. The cool air hit her pussy when Bucky’s hands pulled her legs wide open, fully exposed to the three men ready to use her against her will. “Knew you’d be so wet for us, sweetheart, just look at you. Dripping all for your daddies,” Steve murmured against her skin.

Hot breath fanned over her cunt before they rolled her over on her stomach, someone’s hands forcing her up onto her knees with her face smashed into the cotton pillows. She could feel two rough human hands pulling her ass cheeks apart, spreading her ever wider for their view. “Would you look at that, boys, look how fucking hot she is for us.”

Sam’s thick finger ran through her folds, the calloused pad of his finger just teasing her clit before landing a harsh smack to the inside of her thigh. Her moan was muffled through the mattress and she prayed they wouldn’t hear how being treated like whore made her wet like nothing else. 

Hot slick dripped down her thighs, a pool of it staining the pristine sheets by each knee. It was quite a sight, Steve, kneeled by the bed as his face hovered next to her ear, whispering filthy things into her ear as Bucky stroked his hard, leaking cock right next to him. Sam’s lips were making their way up the inside of her right thigh, cracked skin gliding across her sticky flesh. “Oh, baby,” he purred, “you smell so good. Bet you taste even better, don’t you, little girl?”

His tongue reached the apex of her thighs, finally licking a stipe up her center with no warning. Y/N sobbed into the comforter below her, mascara stained tears marking up her face. Two fingers edged their way between the bed and her face, forcing her head upwards and arching her back. Steve’s face was caught in a dirty smirk above hers, lip pulled taut between his teeth, until he saw the tears trailing down her face. “Oh, sweetheart, you look so desperate like this.” His fingers traced her smeared lip gloss around her lips, before opening her lips harshly. “Open up, you dumb baby.”

Y/N forced her jaw open wider, just enough to watch a string of Steve’s saliva drip into her mouth. The thick spit pooled on her tongue and she tried hard not to grimace in front of him, in hopes that he wouldn’t make her- 

“Swallow it, sweetheart.” He saw the hesitation in her eyes, how her lower lip trembled at his words, but he just laughed at her. “Now.”

The warm saliva slid down her tongue and more black tears ran down her face as she obliged his orders, finally gulping it and cringing at the taste. Steve loved the way her face screwed up in displeasure, how she still had the audacity to pretend she hated what they were doing though she was moaning and whimpering with Sam’s tongue attacking her entrance.

“What do you want, sweetheart? We might give it to you as long as you use your words.” Bucky taunted lightly.

Y/N stared up at the brunette, staring menacingly down at her with his cock in hand. “Please,” she whimpered.

The three found it woeful, the way she could barely get a full sentence out as Sam went to town with his skilled tongue, but even with that onslaught, a simple please wasn’t enough for them.

“Please what, honey,” Sam moaned from between her legs, “you gotta use your big words or we’ll never know what you want from us.”

Steve and Bucky nodded in fake-agreement even though they all knew exactly what she wanted and where. 

“I don’t-” her widened eyes glanced into Steve’s, blown-out and teary. “I don’t want anything, not from you.” She lied through her teeth harshly.

Sam removed his head from between her thighs and Y/N immediately whined at the loss of contact almost hilariously. “You don’t want anything, little girl?” 

The air felt static, every hair on her neck rising in the pressured silence. The angel and the devil clawed at her heart, each trying to show her what was right. And she wanted to sin, God knew that she would love nothing more than to let that little greedy part of her take over, but she’d already cheated on Peter and that damn good part of her conscience stole the wheels of her brain.

Slowly and shamefully, she shook her head, though the downright dirty monster inside of her wanted the men to ignore her words and keep assaulting her body. 

“That’s a shame, baby, I thought we were having fun.” Sam sighed. He met Bucky’s gaze on the side, and though they seemed to be in resignation with her wishes, their eyes twinkled devilishly. He positioned his body over Y/N’s kneeled over form, his bare chest glued to her sweating back as his hands ran up the sides of her ribcage and to her front, just barely grazing over her sensitive nipples. “You mean, you don’t want me to touch you here?”

He pinched the darkened buds and she had to use every ounce of self-restraint to not collapse at the sensation. His calloused hands moved back even further, tracing down to the stretch of skin just above her mound, swiping a finger across the skin delicately. “How about here? Or even,” he brought three fingers around her body, over her ass, and into her glistening cunt again, just rubbing along her entrance, not daring to go further in. Y/N couldn’t hold in her reaction to his prodding anymore, his teasing chipping away all of her dignity and pride in a few simple touches. 

“Yes, please, please, use your fingers,” she blurted against her will. Where shame should have washed over her, there was only lust, raging red and coursing through her body so forcefully that she felt braindead. “Put your fingers in me, daddy, please.”

The pet name rolled off of her tongue so easily and she was barely ashamed of how it made her feel. The name especially shocked the three men, who smiled even wider with their cocks harder than before at the little slip up. “That was all you had to say, dolly, gonna have your daddies make you feel real good,” Bucky laughed.

Sam finally plunged his thick fingers knuckle-deep into her cunt as Steve’s mouth captured hers, effectively swallowing her scream with ferocity. The long digits scissored and swirled inside of her, pressing against new unexplored areas that she’d never even gotten to with her own fingers. White dots danced along the front line of her vision as teeth clashed against hers and though it’d been mere minutes she already knew she was close and the men did as well.

“I can feel you clamping around my fingers, honey,” Sam taunted. His lips were moving sinfully around her ass, planting sloppy kisses and drooling all over her skin while he fingered her deep. “Are you gonna come soon, baby?”

“Yes, daddy, I’m so- fuck,” Y/N panted into Steve’s mouth, “m’ so c-close.” The blond bit her tongue hard enough for her to taste blood and she yelped as she heard Sam and Bucky laugh. 

“Watch your language, dolly,” Bucky sneered from the side of the bed. His hand was rapidly moving around his cock, corkscrew motions edging him towards the brink of pleasure. 

“Little girls like you don’t get to use big swear words,” Sam’s face was still buried between her legs, his soaked fingers pulling out of her cunt only to rub at her little pearl of nerves in circles. His tongue still lapped at her dripping entrance and he could feel her tight hole start to pulse as her breathing picked up. “Oh, baby, you’re getting close, aren’t you?”

Y/N was hesitant to answer at first, the sweat on her body seeming to cool immediately in fear of what would happen if she messed up. But after five seconds Steve stopped kissing her, gripping her chin and staring into her eyes deeply. He looked as debauched as she felt, with his rosy lips swollen with spit and cheeks tinged with pink. “Are you gonna answer daddy, sweetheart?”

That knocked her into shape real fast.

“Yes, daddy, I’m so close. P-please let me come,” she whimpered. The whine in her voice pleased the two men, and Steve went back to exploring her mouth before she felt something poking against her asshole.

“Gonna let daddy put his cock in you, little girl?” Sam asked gently. His words had panic coursing through her system, a chilling realization like water being poured on her head and she began to wiggle around, trying to free Sam’s hand from her hip. Her arms weakly pushed at Steve’s chest, trying to push him as far away as he could, but the men only laughed at her flailing limbs. Y/N wanted to scream no to them, and despite her contrasting love-hate relationship with Sam’s fingers inside her cunt she knew it was time to go. It was laughable how much she would continue to say that to herself for the rest of the night. 

But Sam managed to sense her panic, knowing exactly what the issue was before harshly spanking her and effectively stopping her struggle. “Don’t worry, baby, I won’t come inside of you. I’m not risking knocking up a whore with my kids, I’ve got more dignity than that.”

He led the leaking tip of his dick down her crack, rubbing it along her slick entrance before pushing in with a groan. “Oh my fucking God, that is so hot.” Bucky admonished from the side. “Gotta get in on that soon.”

Steve chuckled against Y/N’s lips, pulling away with a strand of saliva connecting them. He adjusted himself up so his dick was centimeters from her face, a knee propped up on the bed for balance. “Gotta wait your turn, Buck, we all want a piece of her.” He noticed the way Y/N’s eyes were transfixed on his cock, the red mushroom head smeared with precome along the slit, nearly purplish veins standing out prominently on his shaft. Yeah, he couldn’t even deny that he was big because he already knew how many girls had dropped down on their knees for him. “Go ahead, sweetheart, open up those pretty lips for me.”

Almost too excitedly, she dropped her jaw, allowing him to slide his cock into the silky warmth of her mouth. As his hips started to thrust into her mouth, Sam’s started to do the same into her cunt. Both men moaned in tandem with their movements as Y/N’s worries faded away to the back of her mind as they stuffed her to the brim.

“You can come now, baby,” Sam nearly ordered, “go and cream on daddy’s cock- fuck, I know you’ve been waiting.”

It was a harsh bump of his head against her G-spot that sent her over the edge, walls clamping down with ferocity and milking him for all she was worth. Y/N reeled in the sunlight infested warmth that coursed through her body as she finally let go, whining around Steve’s dick as he continued to abuse her throat with long, deep thrusts. 

Bucky was still holding his orgasm off, fondling with his tight, heavy sac while his dick remained a painfully hard mess, glistening with precome. “I’m so glad I got to see you come, dolly, look so fucking pretty when you do.”

She couldn’t deny the little skip of her heart at the praise, just a few simple words that made her feel like a good little girl. But no, God-fucking no, she wasn’t supposed to let them make her feel this way. Guilt washed away that warmth in her chest just as quickly, knowing that her boyfriend was just waiting to come back to see her, finishing up his studies so that they could live their lives out together after college while she was getting her pussy and mouth absolutely wrecked by his co-workers. 

As soon as Y/N got her brain thinking straight again, Sam started moving inside of her again and she garbled out a strangled cry. “If you thought we were done here, baby,” Sam laughed, “you’ve got a lot left ahead of you.”

“We’re not leaving until all of us have come, brat.” Steve’s palm gripped the back of her skull roughly, pushing her head so far down on his dick that her nose was squished against his abdomen. “Greedy little bitch.”

Both men started to thrust into her again, and just like that she was back to being absolutely lost in desire and lust like the bitch in heat she was until there was a sudden shift in the air. So much that the sweat on her body began to cool her skin, Sam’s hands still gripping her hips so tightly she knew they’d leave marks that she would have to hide when she wore her favorite low-cut shorts. 

Bucky’s eyes seemed to drift from her tits moving with each movement of her hips, checking behind the door as if there were something lurking there, but she was too afraid to see for herself. If she stopped she would get spanked, and they’d probably prolong her second orgasm even further, and her pussy couldn’t handle any more subtle teasing.  

“Hey there, Parker, why don’t come on out here?”

But that, that was what made the hairs on Y/N’s neck rose, dread filling her to the fullest as she realized the implications of Sam’s words.

Peter had seen everything. Peter, her boyfriend, had seen three of his co-workers, three men who she barely knew, fuck her deep into his mattress. Peter, her boyfriend, had watched her get fucked into his mattress, without trying to stop them whatsoever.

She couldn’t tell if it was the guilt of cheating on her boyfriend or the freezing realization that he hadn’t done anything to stop the three men that hurt more. 

Yet Peter still walked from behind the door, dressed in a NYU hoodie and a pair of khakis slung low on his hips, just drawing attention to the sizable bulge that stretched out his zipper. His umber eyes, normally full of so much joy and love, were possessed by the same lust and darkness as the three men, as much as he tried to hide it behind a shyer facade. 

His eyes were trained on the tightness of how Y/N’s pussy was gripping Sam, her lips glossed over with come and spit wrapped around Steve’s dick. The girl stopped in her movements, her eyes no longer full of tears for just being gagged, but as soon as her mouth came to a halt around the base of his cock, the blond slapped her across the face. A sharp crack echoed around the room and though she couldn’t see him, she heard Bucky’s feral growl of pleasure at the whorish treatment she was receiving. 

“Didn’t say you could fucking stop, sweetheart, keep working on daddy’s cock.” No more words needed to be said as Steve gripped her hair once more, forcing himself farther back into her throat to the point where she couldn’t breathe. Sam’s thrusts were quickening, closer and closer to release as the sounds of the girl struggling to breath made his balls tighten. 

“Fucking shit, baby, you feel yourself squeezing my dick? I bet you like teasing daddy like that, don’t you?” One of his hands were brought down on her ass in a quick smack that resonated with Bucky, who was staving off his orgasm for something much sweeter than his hand. She was moaning raucously around the dick stuffed in her mouth, the vibrations sending jolts of pleasure up every nerve in Steve’s body as he came with the tip of his dick nearly being swallowed by Y/N’s throat. There was barely any time for her to fully down the thick come in her mouth before Sam was threatening to orgasm. “I’m gonna come so soon but you better fucking not, little girl, you hear me? Gotta let your daddy come before you, you ungrateful little bitch- oh.”

It was a really fucking close call, Sam’s dick pulling out of her with one quick movement before spilling pearly ropes of come onto Y/N’s spine. A high whine escaped her mouth, clit throbbing as she was so, so close to coming, and she was too far into her crazed pleasure to realize that she was letting three older men, men who fought to defend the universe from evil, use her as an over-glorified fleshlight. 

She couldn’t really blame them for calling her a cockdrunk whore. 

Bucky sauntered over to the bed, eyes trained on the pool of come centered around the base of her spine before flipping her over onto her back with his large hands and shoving three vibranium fingers back into her hole. She gasped and held onto his forearm as he continued to fingerfuck her to her second orgasm, eyes screwed shut in a delirious haze of contentment for being filled with at least something again. 

“Bucky, Bucky, Bucky, please-” Steve slapped her along the face, correcting her words immediately. “Daddy, daddy, please let me come.”

Bucky chuckled, tweaking one of her nipples with his flesh hand as he hovered over her face. “I don’t know, dolly, you’ve been a little naughty, callin’ me the wrong name, not listening to Stevie’s orders- don’t think you deserve to get what you want.”

A muffled whimper escaped her swollen lips, and he sighed in surrender. “Okay, dollface, go ahead and come on my fingers. Let me see how you wet ‘em up real good.”

Y/N’s hips bucked into his metal digits with finality, come leaking out of her cunt and soaking the sheets below her. Her sweat-glazed skin shone even against the darkening sky, and all Bucky could do was chuckle at how her chest rose quickly as she tried to catch her breath. He thought about teasing her clit again, just circling around the little bud of nerves to get a rise out of her, but he decided against it. Sam probably had better plans for her anyway. 

On the other hand, Y/N’s orgasm was starting to wear off as she noticed the hardened stare from the edge of the room. Her boyfriend.

“Peter, I…” Y/N made eye contact with him, suddenly noticing how mousy he looked in his own bedroom. 

“I nearly forgot you were here, Parker,” Sam smirked darkly. “Why don’t you come over here and fuck your little whore. I’m feeling a little generous today.”

Steve and Bucky nodded with the same infuriating smugness as Sam. The brunette boy opened his mouth to object to the degrading statement, but when he met his girlfriend’s eyes nothing needed to be said. There was no escaping this. Nothing he said mattered to the three older men, because really they had already gotten everything they wanted right in front of their disgusting, perverted eyes. 

He unbuckled his belt, letting the weight of it drop his khakis to the floor. Maybe if he’d known he would be forced into join a fivesome later that night he’d have picked any other boxers but the Ducktales one, but no one seemed to say a word about them, rather focusing on what they were failing to conceal. 

Peter’s cock had always been admirable to Y/N by its length and God, definitely its thickness. Curved upwards towards his abdomen with a vein running along the left side up to the bulbous head, it was definitely more than average. It was really just a shame he didn’t know how to use it well enough.

His shirt was pulled over his head just as quickly, and if Y/N knew any better she would say that he was excited to get to fuck her in front of the three men. He placed himself in between Y/N’s parted legs, standing in the same position as he had so many times before.

But when Y/N cried out in pain and pleasure as he slid into her, Peter knew that this time, it was different. This time three men, men that he used to trust with his life, stood on either side of him and his girlfriend and jerked their hands up and down their cocks as they watched her get fucked relentlessly. It wasn’t sweet, it wasn’t romantic, but he couldn’t really think when his thick cock was stuffed inside of her stimulated pussy, juices and come leaking out of her abused sex. 

“Go faster, Parker,” Steve instructed, his face contorted in pure pleasure. The pace of Peter’s thrusts sped up, and he threw Y/N’s ankles over his shoulders, hitting deeper inside of her, with the sound of her sobs only turning them all on more. “Oh, right there, shit, shit, shit-”

Steve came first, a low groan escaping his lips as streams of come landed on her tits, still bouncing with every movement of Peter’s hips. 

“Open up,” Sam gritted through his teeth, and Y/N obediently opened her mouth to let his bitter come coat the inside of her throat, some of it landing on her face and neck. The string of curses he let out made Peter thrust even faster into her, and he hated, absolutely despised the way it turned him on to see the three men use his girlfriend to their pleasure. But soon enough a hand pushed against his chest away from Y/N and he reluctantly pulled out.

“Move aside, kid,” Bucky instructed, “Wanna come inside of her.”

As he lined his gigantic cock up with her entrance, her eyes widened with fear. “No, please, I didn’t take my pills, I can’t- I won’t, please not inside-”

“Shut the fuck up, you slut.” Bucky’s fingers came to slap her clit harshly, and she cried out in pain. “You’re gonna be quiet and let me come wherever I damn want, right?”

He punctuated his last word as he thrust inside her, filling her up to the hilt with his girth. She was too drunk on the feeling of her cunt being filled up to argue again. It was painful, extremely so, even though two different cocks had been inside her overstimulated pussy already and Bucky stretched her out wide, his cock thicker with veins to hit every pleasure point. With her legs tossed around his tapered torso, he slid out until his very tip was left in her, then slammed back in with a small moan. The head of his cock relentlessly pounded into her cervix in a nearly soundless tempo and all Y/N could hear were her own gasps of pleasure, jaw-dropping moans that made drool slide back down her throat in her laid down position.

She turned her head to the side, and though her vision was bleary through the tears, she could see Sam and Steve watching Bucky fuck her while Peter, her boyfriend, her sweet, sweet boyfriend, was caught up fucking his hand to the sound of Bucky’s balls slapping against her ass. 

“Fuck, ‘m not gonna last much longer, dollface.” Bucky gasped. “You gonna come soon? You’re gonna come for daddy one more time. I think you’ve got a third one in you, you little fucking slut.”

“Shit, shit, daddy, please ‘m almost there,” Y/N wailed absentmindedly. A thumb came down to circle her clit quickly and she felt the coil in her stomach grow tighter and tighter, until she finally let out a high whine, finding her release as Bucky’s cock pulsed inside of her, ready to come just as easily as her. Her pussy clenched around his cock as she rode out her orgasm, fingers grasping at the sheets in order to find some sort of grounding. His come painted her walls white, and Bucky could’ve sworn there was no better feeling than feeling his blood warm in every vein as he finally let go. With stunted groans, his hips slowed its rhythm, lost in watching how his cock disappear into Y/N’s pussy, her slick juices coating his dick each time he pulled out. 

“Ah, fuck, dolly, you did so good for me. Pussy tight as a fuckin’ vice.” Bucky hugged her limp body close to his sweaty chest, letting his dick soften inside of her for a good few moments before pulling out. He tossed Y/N back onto the bed below him, barely even caring to clean the come dripping down her ribcage and out of her cunt before grabbing his boxers from the cabinet next to the bed. 

Steve was already buttoning his jeans up, checking the notifications on his phone before shoving it back into his pocket. The blond seemed to have better things to do so soon after, rushing his way to the door before pausing where Y/N laid to watch come drip out of her pussy. One more time he pushed Bucky’s come inside of her abused entrance, watching as it oozed out from behind his digits. “Look at you, fucking full of of his come. Such a goddamn whore,” he muttered under his breath.

Those were the last words he said to her before patting Bucky on the shoulder and leading him out of the opened door. 

Maybe Sam was a bit more kind, or affectionate at least. He was already dressed but visibly hard again beneath the thick denim of his pants, and he made sure Y/N knew it, taking her left hand and placing it over his dick. “You still got that effect on me, honey, even when you’re all fucked out like this.” He dragged his fingers through the thick ribbons of come that coated her chest, bringing them up to her mouth so she could taste. Even though she was more than exhausted, she wrapped her tongue around the two fingers that were pushed past her swollen lips, sucking them clean with a tired vengeance. Satisfied with her work, he kissed her chin one more time before leaving without so much as another word, slamming the door shut on his way out.

Click.

It ended exactly the way it started, the lock jostling into the doorknob just as easily as the high of Y/N’s final orgasm slipped away.

Stifling silence suffocated the room around them. Peter refused to meet her eyes, just as much as hers did his. She laid motionless on the bed with him standing at the foot, his dick soft and if she narrowed her bleary eyes just a bit, she could see how his knees were shaking. Neither of them were able to say anything, losing the ability to converse as soon as the three men left the room.

“Peter,” her voice was throaty after the rough fucking she took, “C-can you please get me a drink?”

The brown-haired boy looked down to meet her face, and she could finally see the reason that he had hid it from her. His eyes were red and bloodshot, snot running from his nose with tears running down his cheeks. She’d been so caught up in the after haze of the sex that she didn’t even notice how his bare chest was heaving so deeply, nearing hyperventalation. 

But still, he grabbed his boxers, pulling them over his weakened legs clumsily. “Y-yeah, what kind do you want, Mr. Stark has a ton-”

“I don’t care.” She cut him off firmly, a sharp tone in her voice as she rolled over on her side. Y/N tucked her knees to her chin, fingers running over the side of her neck which was marked with bruises and scratches. “I don’t fucking care.”

Without another word Peter slipped out of the room quietly, knowing better than to try to talk to her about what they had been forced to participate in. It wasn’t as if there was much to say anyways.

Rain pattered against the window. It was only six o’clock in the evening. Cars honked and beeped and Natasha’s Igor Stavinsky record played for its fiftieth round of the day, and to anyone else in the tower it was a normal night. Normal, just like the ones spent sitting on the couch with Bucky’s hand creeping up her leg or Sam’s hands groping her ass, but this time they’d made a move. 

The silence was far too much to handle, the unspoken truth of what she’d done with Bucky, Steve, Sam, and Peter finally hitting her, knocking the air out of her lungs as she suddenly struggled to breathe. Gripping her face, clawing at it like a goddamn wolf, Y/N began to cry. Silently at first, gradually growing into heartbroken sobs, she let her trodden pride carry her voice wherever it wanted to go. 

The men’s whispered words haunted her mere moments after they’d left the room, but most audibly she could hear a faint husk of a voice, Sam’s low moan in her ear looming in the dreadful silence of the room:

Thanks for sharing with us, baby.

[binunus]

afk | yoon sanha (m)

​

a/n y..oon...sanha...really do be acting up...also idk why but whenever I think of husband!sanha I can’t seem to write anything which is why I’ve been staring at this request literally for the longest time, but when I think of like just bf!sanha I get so many ideas...is it me? am I just weird?? maybe it’s bc I’m literally not in a headspace to think about marriage or commitment sksksk but uh yeah thank you for coming to my ted talk

{request: anther sanha husband smut please? 🥺 the one u wrote was so good ‘m not a creative person so the plot coulld be as you wish 😼}

→ pairing: idol bf!sanha x f!reader

→ genre: fluff, smut

→ tw: unprotected sex (conceal before you feel loves), reader riding sanha as he’s playing his game oops...and 00 line is on the other end hehe, dirty talk?? well...sanha tried okay, multiple orgasms, slight overstimulation, embarrassment

→ word count: 4k _____________________________________________

*afk → away from keyboard* for all my non-gamers :) I’m not a gamer, I just live with them...

Your POV

You were ecstatic, a little jump in your step as you neared your boyfriend’s dorm. You haven’t seen him in almost a month due to his busy schedule and comeback preparations. You were excited for him and his group, one of the perks of dating an idol member was knowing the secrets and spoilers of his plans long before they were revealed to the public. But with those perks also came the disadvantages of not being able to see your boyfriend as much as you’d like to, or even be open with your relationship in general. 

Anyway, you were excited to see him. The text messages, phone calls, and FaceTimes could only satisfy you for so long, seeing Sanha in person was a completely different story. The last time you saw him was before he dyed his hair from black to the sleek dark red that it was now. 

As soon as you received the text from your boyfriend asking if you were free to come over, you literally dropped everything that you were doing and got dressed to leave your apartment. You arrived at his dorm within thirty minutes, not wasting any precious time that you could be spending with him.

You were warmly greeted by their eldest, Myungjun’s excited tone alerting the others about your appearance. “y/n! We haven’t seen you in so long!”

You laughed and wrapped your arms around him in a hug, giggling as he lifted your body and shook you around, “I know, oppa! It’s so good to see you! You look so good! I’m excited for your album to come out.”

“Oh you cutie, stop it.” He beamed, patting your head as he set you down. “Sanha’s playing games in his room right now. If you get bored of him, just come find me and I’ll entertain you.”

“Will do oppa,” You chuckled as you bounced in the direction of Sanha’s bedroom. Your heart rapidly beating in your chest as you opened the door, revealing your 6′1 sweet boyfriend who was sitting intently on his gaming chair. You felt the oxygen knocked away from your lungs as he turned his maroon head of hair to face you. You almost had to do a double take from actually seeing his new hair color in person. Sure he’s sent you a bunch of pictures as soon as he dyed it and you’ve seen it through video calls, but wow...was this good looking man really your boyfriend?

He held his hand out to you, smiling as you approached him. He moved the mic away from his mouth before kissing the back of your hand, “Hey baby, I’m just playing a match real quick and then I’m all yours, okay?”

You nodded excitedly and leaned in to press a kiss on the cheek which wasn’t being covered by his headset. Sanha squeezed your hand affectionately before you hopped on his bed, pulling out your phone to pass the time while you waited for him to finish his match. Every now and then, you would look over to observe him and his game. You noticed that even his gaming setup has changed in the past month you haven’t seen each other, he was finally using the light-up keyboard you gifted him for your one year anniversary.

You could vaguely hear his friends through the headset, chuckling at his conversations with the esteemed ‘00 line. You found yourself grinning as Sanha furiously clicked away at the keyboard, even though your boyfriend is a famous idol, at the end of the day he was still just a regular young adult at heart who loved playing games.

You understood that this was probably one of his only ways of de-stressing as of recent, so you were pretty lenient about his gaming habits...

Until one match turned into two, which turned into three, and before you knew it, you’ve been waiting on his bed -- affection-starved -- for almost two hours. 

Your lips pursed in annoyance, huffing as you locked your phone and tossed it aside somewhere on his bed, standing to get some water. Sanha turned his head at your movement, his mouth opening a bit in shock as he watched you leave his room. At that moment, he knew your patience was running thin.

You saw Jinwoo and Bin in the kitchen, the two smiling as you joined them. You found yourself pouting as you waddled into Jinwoo’s arms which opened in a welcoming hug. With dating Sanha, you also had the opportunity of getting to know his group, gaining five older brothers who treated you like one of their own. You got babied by the five of them a lot since you were dating their baby.

You let out a sigh as you retrieved a glass of water, resting your head on Jinwoo’s shoulder as you took small sips. You’ve received more affection from the rest of Astro than you have from your own boyfriend during this whole visit so far. Bin cooed as he pinched your cheek, “Why do you look so upset?”

You rolled your eyes as you took another sip, “Sanha’s been playing his game for the past 2 hours, I don’t even know why he asked me to come over if he wasn’t at least going to talk to me.”

Jinwoo gave you a sympathetic smile, patting your head as he nodded, “You know how he is y/n. When he doesn’t have a schedule or practice, he’s practically glued to his computer chair.”

You groaned and finished the rest of your water, placing the glass in the sink before you rested your hands on your hips, “If he doesn’t stop playing after this match, I’m literally leaving.”

The two elder boys laughed, respectively patting your shoulder and rubbing your back. Bin chuckled, “You do what you have to do. You know, scold him for us too. His eyes are gonna go bad from looking at that monitor too much.”

You nodded, asking them to wish you luck as you went back into Sanha’s room. When you opened the door, you noticed his chair turned around so that his back was to the desk, the monitor on the loading screen, and Sanha on his phone. He looked up with that big puppy expression on his face when he knew he’s did something wrong. He quickly placed his phone on the desk, pulling you in towards him as soon as you were in arm’s reach. He gently squeezed your hands as you stood in between his legs, resting your weight on one foot. “I’m sorry, baby.”

You narrowed your eyes in the slightest, “And what are you sorry for?”

“For ignoring you and just playing my game...” Sanha said quietly hugging your waist. He nuzzled his face against your stomach as your hands went up to play with his hair, all annoyance fizzling away in an instant. Damn, he was too cute for you to stay mad at him. You sighed and kissed the crown of his head, “Sanha, we haven’t seen in each other in so long because of your comeback. If you want to invite me over, I sort of hope that we’re spending time together and I’m not just watching you play...is your game really that much more interesting than me?”

He shook his head against your body, his voice muffled as he immediately said no. The tiniest of smiles crept its way onto your face, endeared at how cute your boyfriend was.

And then you heard his best friend through the headset, ruining the soft mood in an instant. “Sanha load up, c’mon where are you?”

You let out a sigh, God dammit Bomin.

Sanha lifted his head to meet your eyes, he sensed your frustration again immediately. You pursed your lips, reading the conflict swimming through his pupils. You knew that he wanted to keep playing, but he didn’t wanna make you mad. And in Sanha’s perspective, he did honestly plan to spend time with you when he invited you over, but then Daehwi asked him to play a round and when he gets immersed in his game, he needs to play until he’s literally sick of it for the day. “Baby..?”

You averted your gaze for a moment in thought, an idea popping into your head. Humming, your fingers twirled a strand of his hair, “You can keep playing, baby.”

Sanha blinked at you in surprise, his eyes widening, “Really? You won’t get mad if--”

“But! I’m sitting on your lap. I haven’t gotten any cuddles from you in at least three weeks and I’m not going back to your bed without you.”

He nodded eagerly, satisfied with the win-win situation. Sanha grinned patting his lap as he spread his legs to give you room. You chuckled, maneuvering your body through the space of his chair as you got seated atop his thighs, both of you face to face. By habit, Sanha’s hands rested at your waist, smiling as he pulled you into a sweet kiss. You felt the butterflies flutter in your stomach at the action, responding instantly. Your lips formed a little pout when he pulled away, your boyfriend smiling cheekily as he nuzzled his nose against yours, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” You said before resting your head on his shoulder, leaning your body weight on his chest as a means to get as close to him as you possibly could. Sanha rubbed the skin of your waist affectionately before reaching for the headset and unmuting himself, “Bomin, I’m here.”

“Hey! What took you so long?”

“Chill, y/n’s here.” He said, glancing at you with a smile, “She can hear you by the way.”

“Yeah so watch your mouth, Bomin.” You said jokingly, turning your head briefly to speak into the microphone. Sanha grinned, pressing a kiss to your cheek as Bomin laughed through the headset. You heard Bomin -- along with Sanha’s other friends -- greet you, chuckling as your head returned to its spot on Sanha’s shoulder. 

You let your boyfriend play one match peacefully, still enjoying finally being in his embrace. You closed your eyes, taking in the comforting scent of Sanha’s detergent and let yourself relax for a short while. When he got killed during the first match, his arms immediately wrapped around your waist, squeezing your body tightly as he kissed your temple. You hummed, listening as he watched and conversed with the others who were still alive.

It was then that you noticed the slight new definition of his muscles, the gears in your brain turning as you thought about how to proceed with your plan. Although you were literally on top of him right now, the majority of Sanha’s attention span was focused on his monitor, so you knew he couldn’t sense the growing arousal in your mind. 

Early into his second match, you subtly shifted your ass around on his lap, making it seem like you were trying to readjust into a more comfortable position. At the same time, you moved your head to his other shoulder, pressing a kiss to his cheek as you did so. Your boyfriend smiled at you, still oblivious to what you were trying to do. 

And then your hands gently started rubbing at his sides, the touch featherlike as you began to press kisses in the crook of his neck. You felt Sanha tense in the slightest as he quickly pressed the mute button on his mic, “Baby...what are you doing?”

“Hm?” You asked not even bothering to lift your head, “I’m kissing you, can I not?”

The male closed his eyes as he let out a muffled groan, his body reacting immediately to your ministrations, “y/n, are you trying to make me moan into the mic while I’m playing with the guys?”

You chuckled dryly as you started to start to suck on his skin, not hard enough to leave a mark because you knew his stylists would literally kill you if you did, but enough for him to get affected. And he did. 

Sanha let out a breathy moan, subconsciously tilting his head so that you had more access.

“You ignored me for two hours baby. Since you wanna keep playing your game while I’m here, you’re gonna have to do so while I’m making you feel good. Now unmute and keep doing your thing.”

He bit his lip, narrowing his eyes at you as you moved your ass directly over his crotch, which was quickly getting hard. He was about to say something, but was cut off by Daehwi asking him where he was, Sanha cursing internally as he pressed unmute and responded. You smirked against his skin, still trailing kisses along his neck and intending to move up his jawline -- which had definitely gotten sharper since the last time you saw him.

Sanha tried his best, you could see how hard he was fighting against your temptations. Admittedly, you were a bit impressed with how well he was masking what was going on to his friends. 

But you were a brat and you wanted to see your boyfriend’s self-restraint crumble. He managed to get through one match, trying to compromise with you once the display showed the loading screen, “Fuck, baby, I’m done. I can’t play anymore.”

You smiled at him as you got off his lap, going over to lock his door. Sanha sighed in relief, getting ready to tell his friends that he was logging off for the night, until you held your finger up at him, confusion on his features. Casually, you pulled down your pants and underwear, placing them to the side as you leaned down for a kiss. Your hands reached for the waistband of his sweats, Sanha lifting up his hips to help you pull the fabric down his legs.

“You’re gonna play one more game, baby.” You whispered against his mouth, the boy sighing in frustration as you climbed back onto his lap. His cock was already hard from all your grinding, he could not believe you were teasing him like this right now. 

You were soaked, you knew that Sanha would slide right in without any resistance. You let out a sharp inhale as you lined yourself up with his cock, burying your face in his shoulder as you sat down in one go. The two of you let out a synchronized groan at the feeling, it had been too long since you last had sex. “Shit, y/n, you’re so fucking tight--I-fuck can’t we just take this to my bed?”

“No,” You said, voice shaky as you tried to calm yourself down from the initial intrusion. “This is payback for making me wait so long.”

Sanha’s hands gripped the meat of your ass, squeezing as he thrusted into you just once, “God, you do realize we’re both gonna suffer if you make me play another round.”

“You’re going to suffer more than I am,” You said devilishly as you unmuted his mic, “Sorry boys, Sanha went to the bathroom but he’s back now.”

He shot you glare, reluctantly removing his hands from your ass as he wore his headset again, “Guys, I think this is gonna be my last game, I’m getting pretty tired.”

“You know, I can’t believe y/n really just let you play with us this whole time. That’s love right there.”

“You’re a real one, y/n!”

“Sanha doesn’t deserve you, y/n!”

You laughed into the mic, sweetly responding to Sanha’s friends as you clenched your walls around his cock, watching with a lustful glint in your eyes at the contortion of pleasure on his face, his teeth harshly dug into his bottom lip to prevent any sounds from escaping.

“C’mon, start game.” Sanha said shortly, the grip on his mouse tightening as you clenched again. You stayed still for the first couple of minutes, letting Sanha adjust and play his game so that his friends wouldn’t be able to tell that something explicit was happening on his side of the screen. 

Of course all Sanha could think about right now was the way your walls just sucked him in so nicely, wanting nothing more than to pin you to his bed and fuck into you with no restraints. But he knew that you wouldn’t let him do that until he finished his match, so he tried to focus on completing this game as fast as he could. 

He felt himself freezing as you started to kiss his neck again, mentally telling himself to stay calm and not make a noise. As soon as his guard was down, you lifted your hips so that only the head of his cock was in your cunt before slamming your ass down on his lap, a loud slap sounding from the contact of your skins. Sanha lurched forward, a strangled moan fighting in his throat as you tightly clenched your walls, squeezing his cock. 

“Woah-are you okay, Sanha? What happened?”

“Y-yeah, I hit my knee against the d-desk,” He stuttered a lie, one of his hands gripping your waist as you started to slowly fuck yourself on him. It was getting harder for you to conceal your moans, burying your face in his shoulder as you tried to chase your high, this position allowing Sanha to hit so deep in your cunt.

His eyes flickered back and forth between the screen and you riding his cock, his legs subconsciously spreading as far as the chair allowed him. Sanha knew it was over for him when you lifted yourself off his chest, your eyes blown wide with lust as one of your hands fisted the bottom of his shirt, the other sneaking down to where the two of you were connected, making contact with your clit. You threw your head back at the added sensation, your mouth opening in a silent moan as you clenched your walls again.

“Sanha, where are you? Why are you standing still--”

“Fuck--AFK guys, AFK!” Sanha said hurriedly, throwing his headset off as he muted his mic. He pulled you in for a searing kiss, moving his lips fiercely against yours as you grabbed at his shoulders. “You’re fucking evil.”

“That’s what you get for not paying attention to me,” You panted against his mouth, sluggishly getting off his lap. Sanha practically kicked his gaming chair back as he towered over you, removing both of your shirts before he pushed you down on his bed. He pulled your thighs open, positioning his cock at your entrance. “Fuck, do you know how hard it was to not fuck you while I was playing?”

You whined as he moved his tip up and down your slit, tapping the head at your sensitive bud. “Now you have all my attention, baby.”

The two of you moaned loudly as he sheathed himself in your cunt, momentarily forgetting that there were five other inhabitants of his dorm. Sanha started a brutal pace from the beginning, thrusting into you with no restraints. Your hands tangled themselves in his hair as you pulled him down for a kiss, muffling your moans against his mouth.

“Mmmf, Sanha--”

He groaned, biting your bottom lip before lifting your thighs so that your legs hung from his shoulder, allowing him to penetrate even deeper in your cunt, “Shit, I missed your pussy baby. You’re fucking dripping on my sheets, God.”

His hands flew to your chest, roughly groping your breasts as he used it for leverage to fuck into you at a faster pace. The sounds in his room were obscene, the squelch of your arousal and the smack of his balls hitting your ass drowning out anything else. 

Sanha felt like he was drunk on your cunt, breathing heavily as he tried to get more sounds out of you, your moans music to his ears. He hissed as your nails clawed at his arms, a telltale sign that you were nearing your end. “S-Sanha, I-fuck!”

“Are you close, baby?” He asked authoritatively, his heart swelling as you nodded with a whine, your hands scrambling to feel every inch of his skin. You keened as he called your name, commanding you to look at him as you reached your orgasm. 

The tension in your stomach snapped when he snuck a hand down to play at your clit, rubbing it between two of his fingers as he tweaked your nipple, fucking you through your high. Your toes curled in pleasure, legs convulsing as you let out a high-pitched moan. You tried your best to maintain eye contact, but the dizzying euphoria made your lids flutter close, Sanha harshly sucking hickeys in your neck as he too, chased, his high. 

He cursed, still drawing circles on your clit as he rutted his hips into yours. You screamed as you were forced into another orgasm, your tight pulsating walls around his cock enough to push him to the edge. Sanha groaned gravelly, his nails digging into your waist as he released his load in your cunt. 

Sanha pulled out when he felt his cock fully flaccid, sitting back against his palms as he watched both of your cum leak out your entrance. Your chest heaved up and down as you tried to regain your breath, meeting his eyes from where you laid. Sanha chuckled, kissing your knee before standing to get some tissues, coming back to carefully wipe your cunt clean. 

You reached your arms out for him to lay down next to you as soon as he threw the soiled tissue away. He smiled lovingly, joining you on the bed and wrapping his arms around you in a hug. 

“Are you upset with me?” He asked cutely, pecking your nose. You grinned and buried your face in his chest, kissing the space between his collarbones. “No, you’re here with me now.”

Sanha giggled, stroking your hair as he tapped his fingers at the small of your back, “’M sorry for ignoring you, baby. I love you.”

“I love you too,” You said, humming as you closed your eyes, sleep slowly overtaking you. He tutted, removing his arms from your body as he sat up, “No! y/n, you have to pee first before you sleep.”

“But I’m tired,” You whined, reaching for him again. Sanha shook his head, gently pulling you up, “Baby, if you get a UTI, you’re gonna hate yourself. Now c’mon, peeing only takes a couple seconds.” 

You grumbled as he found one of his oversized t-shirts, dressing you before finding a pair of shorts for himself. You let out a woah as you stood, holding onto Sanha for support as your legs started to wobble. Your boyfriend chuckled smugly, squeezing your waist as you regained your balance, “You good, baby?”

“Shut up.”

The two of you glanced at his computer, which was now at the main screen of the game. “Do you think they heard, baby?”

“No way,” Sanha said, though he couldn’t deny the slight fear in the pit of his stomach if his friends really did hear you and him having sex. “I muted myself...right?”

You shrugged, not really minding before going to open the door, leading the two of you out of his room. Your face flushed, your feet stopping dead in their tracks as you came face to face with the rest of Astro, all five of them giving you and your boyfriend knowing looks as they sat dispersed around the living room.

“Ah hyungs!”

“I really hope you two used protection,” Eunwoo lectured, though you saw the smirk on his face. 

“I’m--bathroom--peeing...yeah.” You said embarrassed, scurrying off to the direction of their bathroom, yelping as your legs almost gave in.

“Woah, careful y/n,” Rocky snickered sending a wink in Sanha’s direction. The boys began teasing their youngest as soon as you closed the door to the bathroom, Sanha hiding his face in his hands, “Are you really going to do this every time y/n comes over?? It’s been more than a year!”

“No, we only do it when you two kids are loud as hell.” Bin said bluntly, slapping Myungjun’s arm in amusement. Jinwoo chuckled, lightly pointing a finger at your boyfriend, “You better have this much energy during promotions, Sanha--”

“Hyung!” ______________________________

4-6-21

[shimmershae]

Just a few random thoughts and observations about Daryl’s Origins episode.

Basically my stream of consciousness bullshit brought over from Twitter, lol.  I almost didn’t watch the episode after seeing all the drama over there, but ultimately I decided to because frankly?  I don’t trust certain fans’ perceptions of events.  For reasons.  It’s best, I feel, to always watch with your own eyes and form your own independent opinions because this fandom is teeming with people that delight in tormenting other fans by being very selective and oftentimes downright misrepresentative about what they pass along.  

More under the cut because this is random and all over the place and basically excerpts of my live blogging while watching the special.  Did I mention it’s random?  

You know.  It sure would be nice not going into one of these things so apprehensive.  Maybe one day, hmm?  

First things first.  From the very beginning of this Origins episode, I’m reminded of two things:  1).  Our introduction to Daryl, his colorful Dixonese, and his particular brand of humor certainly stands out as one of show's more memorable introductions.  2).  TWD certainly regressed on the deer front. I mean.  Daryl's deer>Richonne's deer.

I’m never going to get over "On Golden Pond."  Never ever and look.  I actually liked Dale but Daryl spitting those words at him still makes me laugh until I'm weak.

Daryl's still searching all these years later.  Or is he?  Really?  Seems to me the man's found exactly what he's been looking for and he's been chasing it since he came back from those woods:  a future with his soulmate.  The one that happens to be his best friend.  OFC, I’m talking about Carol. Who else?  

How pretty and soft are baby Daryl and Carol?  Too pretty and soft for this tired heart to withstand.  Like I love all versions of them, but baby Daryl and Carol just hit different.  

My immediate thought re: the Beth comment-- Misreads the situation?  WTF?  Whoever wrote this script just had to re-inject some eww into the narrative didn't they?  All those damn dirty spoons.  Ever think about how much it probably reeks in that office space?

Moving along, though.  Here’s some real facts.  Carol is so intrinsically woven into the fabric of Daryl's story, the only way she can be removed is if they are literally both destroyed and cease to exist.  Something happens to Carol?  The man is going to be a reanimated body without a heartbeat.  Basically a Walker.

 An aside, I know they're not making me rewatch a scene I haven't watched since the first time it aired.  The way Negan's head bashing tendencies had me seeing red and wanting that barbed wire bat shoved up his ass every time I saw his face.  My JDM love really took a serious hit for awhile.  I'm never going to forgive the character that hateful act.  I just can't.

Somehow I wasn't expecting this to be a teleprompter-fest.  Like who wrote this script?  Hmm.   Sorry.  Don't mind me.  Lost in my thoughts per usual. You know.  It still strikes me as hella insensitive that Rick had Daryl leading the Sanctuary community knowing what he suffered there.  There's no way Daryl would have returned that kind of favor.  

Yep.  Leah still feels tacked on last minute.  A means to an end.  Sigh.   They completely glossed her over here.  Too bad they had that lapse in judgment with some other toxic waste.  I cannot believe they touched that with a ten foot pole.  It's just cringe-worthy and wrong.

"Daryl can't say no to Carol."  They say those words and I’m like “Join the club, my dude.  Join the club, lol.”  

You know.  All the Carol-related moments in this Daryl Dixon recap speak for themselves.  She's his person, dammit.

Okay though.  That reunion in the tall grass with the sun shining on them all golden and picturesque, after Alpha’s taken Daryl to show him her horde?  That's some romance novel shit right there.  "Look at me.  Just look at me."   I'm never going to recover from that moment or the discovery of Sophia.  They break my heart so.  

This recap is literally 2/3's Carol and the other 1/3 Rick and everybody else.  I mean.  It's so obvious.  Utterly and completely misrepresented by some agenda-driven folks.  

"We have a future."   Oh.  Just some pretty, meaningless words you say everyday to all your friends, lol.   Just friends my whole entire ass.  

"I'm never gonna hate you."  Okay, AMC.  Back up all the talk with some action that even the most willfully blind cannot deny, m'kay?  Because they're not going to buy it until you're explicit about it.  Just saying.

The amount of times "Carol" has left this man's mouth during this recap, lol, and some people keep wanting to ignore it. 

Aww.  Guess who they showed when Daryl mentioned family?  How sweet.  And when they mentioned purpose in connection with C0nnie, it was not any indication of romance, IMHO.  

Let me explain.  

By the time C0nnie is lost,  Daryl’s floundering because he feels he hasn’t been able to help Carol despite giving it all and pushing back his previously established comfort zone(s).  Enter these pair of sisters.  And they put him in mind of the good parts of him and Merle.  Probably they make him remember  the Greene girls when things were good and hopeful before they went sideways.  In some small way, he’s probably reminded of other family units like Rick and Carl and Lori and Carol and Sophia and later Henry.  And all of those people have something in common.  Well, besides being people Daryl has known and cared for.  They’ve seen their family units fractured and/or destroyed by tragedies wrought by the world they live in.   They made a point and emphasized that Daryl’s a searcher and also that family matters to him.  In some way or form he’s been doing his best to help repair or reunite all these different family members since the beginning and ultimately he’s failed to succeed each time.  So yeah.  He’s been given a purpose in a time of uncertainty again with her because this time he’s determined to get it right.  This time he wants to bring the two sisters back together the way he couldn’t do for the Greene girls.  Like I did not, do not read anything romantic at all into that comment. Just my take on things.  Obviously, everyone else’s mileage may vary.  I’ll step off my soapbox now.  Hopefully, maybe these words might comfort.  

So relax, lovelies.  It wasn't as bad as I feared.  Sure, they could have left that one icky comment out but they didn't and honestly?  I don't think it's a positive for that particular 'relationship' because it's something that's brought up to show just how messed up Daryl was.  Because grown men that have their heads on straight don't usually have those type of misreads.  They know they are inappropriate.  Like I'm not putting Daryl into the pedo category because I don't feel like he belongs there.  But I can see how him being so emotionally stunted and naive so far as interpersonal relationships and the nuances of friendship and non-toxic family could lend itself to him maybe reading more into those moments than were really there and not really knowing how to deal.  

Whoever wrote that teleprompter script though?  That particular asshole is probably grinning like a donkey with a mouth full of briars at all the unnecessary drama they stirred up yet again. Like newsflash, goober.  There are better ways to foster interest in your show.

They should hire a team of fans to do the promotion.  Fans that represent all factions of this fractured fandom so the promotion is well-rounded and not so heavily slanted toward any one of them but the diverse fandom as a whole.

Stop fanning the stupid ship wars and just celebrate the damn characters and the overall story.   Nothing new or groundbreaking to see on this first Origins story but hey.  Who doesn't mind a decent recap now and then?  That said, don't sweat not having AMC+ or feel like you missed all that much because you didn't.

I do have to say.  Them pretending B3th was the first girl to be nice to Daryl really had me going WTF.  

I mean, there’s this little exchange from Carol, the first woman to be nice to Daryl, probably the first person from the group--

"You're every bit as good as them.  Every bit."   

  AMC?  TWD?  Do you even watch your own show?  

There you have it.  My bullshit stream of consciousness, originally posted over on Twitter as I liveblogged the show.  Hope you got something helpful or of entertainment value from this.  

Goodnight, lovelies.  

Until next time.  

[winchester-purgatory]

Fake marriage, snobby mother and booty calls | Dean Winchester x OC

Summary: Awsten’ sister tells their parents she’s married - she isn’t. Dean accepts to play along when her parents comes to visit for dinner

Word count: 1670

Notes: I wrote this for the Christmas bingo I participated back in December but only now got to finish it

-

Dean Winchester wasn't husband material. He liked old cars, 80s rock music, had a bit of a drinking problem and had been in jail. He hated to wear ties, being more of a flannel kind of guy, and always had oil or grease stained hands from fixing cars.

Her mom was going to hate him.

He was also a bit of a ladies man, but that part didn't need to be mentioned at the Christmas gathering.

''Are you sure this is a good idea?’’

''You gotta be there,'' Awsten insisted, looking at Dean over the island countertop where they were having breakfast. ''My sister already told everyone I was married. I would be the family’s laughingstock if I they show up for dinner and there is no man in my apartment after such a big news.''

''I still don't get why you couldn't tell them it was a misunderstanding. Why make things complicated when they were initially simple?''

''Because they're from another generation and won't understand. They won't find it funny that we played the 'just married' card to get free alcohol. Or that we only hook up on the daily.'' The redhead sighed, taking a sip of her hot coffee. ''If Charlie hadn't tagged us on social media, my sister would've never seen the picture and caption...''

Dean reached out, squeezing Awsten’s bare thigh on the bar stool, and looked at her with apologetic eyes. ''Charlie’s really sorry. She didn’t think the picture would get to your family.''

''I know. It’s okay. I made my peace with it. Now, we just have to play pretend.'' She stood, taking her empty plate and putting it in the sink to wash later.

Today was going to be a long day and Awsten was dreading all of it. Having her parents and sister over for Christmas wasn’t part of her December plans. For the last two years, she had escaped the family reunions and had intended to do it again this year. She didn't hate her family, they were just so strict, judgemental and draining to be around.

She'd rather rent a cabin in the mountains with a couple friends - Charlie and Dean included. At least, that promised a lot of fun.

Dean joined her by the sink, doing the same with his dishes.

''Thank you for doing this, Dean.''

As insane as the situation was, Awsten was glad to have someone like Dean. Not everyone would have agreed to partake in her crazy plan and play married couple for the holidays, even for one night. And, he will definitely add some spice to her family's Christmas dinner.

''It was my idea in the first place to get the alcohol. And, I wasn’t going to say no to free turkey.''

Awsten scoffed. ''The turkey might be free, but you are helping me. I’m not gonna do all the hard work by myself, Winchester.''

''I would try to eclipse myself, but since you did most of the work last night, I guess I could help you for today,'' he said as he slid a hand under Awsten's tee shirt to cup one of her cheeks and gave it a small squeeze.

.

After six hours of chopping, whisking and seasoning, the faux-married couple were finally ready to receive Awsten’s family.

The redhead has put a red tablecloth to mask the chips on the wooden table, something that would've definitely not gone unnoticed by her mother, and pulled out the pretty candle set she had received three Christmases ago to decorate the center.

Dean lit up the Christmas tree filled with miscandellous, non-traditional ornaments and hoped no one would point out the missing Christmas crib under the tree. It was somewhere in the storage closet and Awsten didn't feel like fetching it.

As they were setting the table, Dean caught the silver ring on the redhead’s finger. ''Just so you know, I would've never offered you this cheap ass looking ring. My wife deserves something better than a plastic rock.''

Awsten narrowed her eyes. ''I did with what I had and with the time I had, Dean! I couldn't get myself a real wedding ring. Diamonds are hella expensive.''

''You didn’t even get me one.''

''I forgot. But, knowing my family, they won't even notice. They'll be too occupied looking elsewhere,'' she promised.

''You mean my charming smile?''

She glanced at his flannel and stubbles, both red flags in her mother's book. ''Among others.''

It was around six o’clock when the doorbell rang. Awsten smoothed her velvet dress and checked her lipstick in the hallway mirror before opening the door.

''How can you get married and not tell us? I didn't raise you like this,'' her mom asked, skipping the greetings and walking in like it was her own place.

Awsten contained herself, forcing a smile. ''Hello to you too, Mom…''

Richard and Emilie, Awsten’s dad and sister, followed inside, shutting the door behind. They shed peeled off their winter layers and hung them on the overflowing coat hanger.

The elder woman peered into the apartment, looking for the handsome man her daughter had married. ''Now, where is that husband of yours? We didn't make all that travel for nothing.''

''I’m right here, Mrs. Torres,'' Dean replied, coming to the entrance to greet the guests. He kissed both her mom and sister’s cheeks and shook hands with Richard, his politeness surprising the Torres.

Although he had succeeded to impress her with his politeness, Dean didn't earn Cecelia's approval. She gave him an up and down look, disapproval casting itself on her face almost immediately.

''Shall we move to the kitchen? Dinner is ready.''

.

''What's your career, Dean?'' Cecelia asked, attacking him with questions as soon as they sat down around the table.

The redhead gave her mother a dirty look, knowing exactly what she was doing. To most, it looked like Cecelia was being nice and trying to get to know Dean, but she was being a snake and trying to find valid reasons to not like Dean to back herself with when she’ll later confront Awsten.

Dean swallowed his bite before responding. ‘’I'm a mecanicien, ma'am. I work at my uncle's auto-shop.''

''Ah.'' She glanced at her cadet daughter and back to Dean, disapproval in her eyes. ''Are you planning on taking over the business?''

''I love cars, but owning an auto-shop isn’t in my plans for the future.''

''What is, then?''

''Owning a bar. Commercializing my own beer...or whiskey, perhaps. Something along those lines.''

''I assume you are studying business?'' Mr. Torres asked, suddenly taking interest in the conversation, owning himself a business.

Dean shook his head. ''No. I’m not in college, Sir. College isn’t for me.''

''How did you meet?''

''Was it like the movies? Your car broke and he repaired it?'' Emilie asked with a snicker, making fun of her sister.

Awsten glared at her. ''No. We met through Charlie, my roommate. You remember her? She and Dean are long date friends.''

As the dinner progressed, Cecelia’s disdain toward Dean was getting more and more apparent - and she made little efforts to hide her feelings.

''If you'll excuse us, I need a drink. Awsten, darling, will you come help me in the kitchen?'' She flashed Dean a forced, bitter smile and stood, heading to the kitchen for some privacy.

.

''You don't like him.'' taking a glass out of the cabinet to

''With reasons! Have you seen this guy? I don't know what you find in him. He looks like...a lumberjack. You are worth so much more than him, Awsten. Guys like him don't go far in life,'' she said in true Cecelia Torres fashion, always quick to judge others.

''Well, we're already married, Mom. What can you do?''

''Is this why you got married in secret? Because you knew we wouldn't approve.''

An unsurprised laugh left the redhead's lips. ''Of course you would think that… Yes, Mom, I married a guy solely to spite you.'' Awsten poured the strong alcohol in the glass, the amber liquid gliding over the baby Yoda shaped ice cubes. ''Is it so difficult for you to believe that I love Dean? Just because I was raised in high society doesn't mean I wish to follow that kind of life.''

Cecelia huffed. ''You say that now, but you'll change your mind.''

''I doubt it.''

''Did he...force you into this? Marrying him.''

Awsten's eyes widened. She couldn't believe the words that left her mother's mouth. ''I'm leaving. You're being crazy.'' She took the drink she had prepared for her mother and left the kitchen, needing it.

''What about my drink?''

.

''Congratulation, Mom hates you. You’re everything she didn’t want for me.''

''Aw, damn,'' Dean said with sarcasm, helping Awsten clean up. ''I thought I had made a good impression.''

The redhead bit back a smile. ''I’m sorry for how she behaved toward you. For the way she talked about you. She’s insufferable sometimes.''

Dean shook his head. ''Don't apologize for her. I don't care what she says about me.'' He brought the leftovers to the fridge, trying to control his grin at the thought of stealing a tupperware of turkey for his lunch tomorrow. ''And it's not like we really are married - not that I'd care more then.''

''Now you get why I never visit my family. They're all similar variants of my mother.''

''They say family wants the best for you, but it's not always the case. I've stopped caring about others' opinion of me long ago. I can take a snobby mother who believes I forced her daughter into marrying me.''

Awsten stopped washing the plate, her stomach dropping. ''Oh no... You heard that?''

Out of all the disgusting things her mother had said tonight, this took the crown. Awsten had hoped Dean hadn't heard, but the kitchen wasn't very soundproof.

She opened her mouth to apologize once again, but Dean beat her.

''Don't say it.'' He turned around to face the redhead, eyes soft on her. ''She can assume whatever she want of me, but I'm still your main booty call,'' Dean added with a smirk.

''Dean!'' She hit his shoulder at his crude words, holding back a smile.

He shrugged and continued what he was doing.

[revisitedgrunt]

Harley and Ivy.

A new fans thoughts on this relationship and the Harley Quinn comic: Part 1 of 4.

On a whim I picked up Harley Quinn: Volume 1: Hot in the City, last month.  I thought it was fantastic and immediately brought volumes 2 - 6.  I've just now read issue 63 and I'm caught up with the current run. 

I absolutely loved the 2013-2016 run.  It's probably the most consistently good run of comics I've ever read.  Amanda Connor and Jimmy Palmiotti do an absolutely amazing job.  I loved the way they wrote Harley, I loved the supporting characters, I loved the location and I loved every story.

Their time on the current run was also phenomenal.  I had a great time reading issues 1 to 34.  Frank Teiri's short run was fine and Sam Humphries work... I'll come back to that later.

I had heard that there were Harley/Ivy shippers, but, to be honest, I thought it was an unsubstantiated ship.  Fan's shipping them because they thought they looked cute together and not because there was anything of substance there.  I was very wrong,

Ivy is introduced in issue 2, very, very early in the series.  In her very first appearance, her very first interaction with Harley is pretty flirty.

There's talk of kissing, Ivy being cool seeing Harley's beaver, seeming a but disappointed when it's an actual beaver.  Bernie's sexual innuendo to Ivy, bearing in mind the things Bernie says are an extension of Harley's mind.

Yeah, that was a lot for one scene, their very first scene.  I now understood why people shipped them.  However, I wasn't fully on board yet.

Harley and Ivy have a fun adventure saving some animals from a shelter.  Harley decides to adopt them all, and Ivy, thoughtfully, creates a park in Harley's building for the animals.

There's also this scene.  Wow, this scene.

Harley and Ivy spend the night on the beach together, which, to me, seems inherently romantic.  Ivy looking over at Harley and, being so overwhelmed by what she sees, can't help but kiss her and call her “My cute, little psycho.”    That's pretty damn gay.  I'm sure some could argue that it was plutonic, but, come on!  No one does that to someone they only have plutonic feelings for.    

This scene convinced me Ivy loves Harley.  It also happens in Ivy's first appearance.  It seems to me that Amanda and Jimmy wanted to establish this immediately.

In issue 3 we see that Ivy has left Harley some plants, which is very sweet.  

Issue 7 gives us more flirting from Harley.

Issue 15 has a pretty interesting scene.

Harley's upset that she had to cancel her date with Mason and is worried the relationship is over.  Ivy is really supportive and gives her some good advice. Things then turn pretty sexual, pretty quickly.  “Is that your hand?”  “Is that yours?”  “Are you gonna get off?”  “Are you?”.  Oh my god!  Sure, they'd both been drinking, but they weren't drunk.  This scene would seem to indicate that, if nothing else, they have a physical attraction to each other.  

The knock on the door is Mason.  He and Harley reschedule their date and Ivy is happy for her.  I was a bit confused at this point.  Considering Ivy exhibits no hurt or jealously that Harley wants to date someone else, I thought that I was wrong about Ivy's feelings for Harley.    

The Road Trip Special gives us this.

Harley seems very happy that Ivy has taken off her dress.  It's more evidence that Harley is physically attracted to Ivy.

The Road Trip Special also has Ivy being really supportive.  She gives Harley a photo album Harley's dead uncle had kept, and she regrows a dead tree on Harley's aunt and uncles grave.

The Annual has a pretty momentous scene.  Ivy's been locked up in Arkham and Harley goes to break her out.  Harley finds out Ivy has been brainwashed, and this happens.

Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure this is the first time the two have kissed in the prime canon timeline.  I'm a bit conflicted about this scene.  It would seem to indicate Harley has romantic feelings for Ivy, The sound effect indicates it's a big, passionate kiss, not a peck on the lips.  Harley also cups the back of Ivy's neck, which is an intimate gesture.  In addition, Harley thinks this kiss will cure Ivy, which makes me think about Sleeping Beauty and true love. However, while it's amazing and romantic that Harley thinks this, Ivy isn't an active participant, the two aren't sharing a kiss, which is a little disappointing.

Harley and Ivy have a heart to heart in issue 25.

My immediate take away from this scene is that Harley has no problem whatsoever being naked in front of Ivy.

Ivy expresses a lot of care, concern and respect for Harley.  She doesn't want her to break into Arkham alone, but she respects Harley's decision to do so. After the Joker, this sort of care and respect is exactly what Harley needs.    

Harley talks about the Joker and how she still has some for love for him.  At the same time, the reason she's doing this is she loves Mason.  Harley jokes about Ivy loving her and asks if Ivy wants to feel her up.  Ivy's response made me spit out my drink.  How do they know where that leads?  Just how physical have they got with each other?  Anyway, there is a lot of sexual innuendo here, and with everything that's come before, reinforces the fact that these two are sexually attracted to each other    

A later scene from issue 25 gave me clarity on Ivy's feelings for Harley.

The question “Jealous?” implies that Madame Macabre knows Ivy has feelings for Harley.  This means I was right about Ivy loving Harley.  However, it's also much more than I expected.  Ivy has that special kind of love for Harley. The unselfish kind, where you just want the person you love to be happy, even if they're not with you.  

I really liked Ivy before, this scene made me fall in love with her.  

Ivy continues to be awesome in issue 29.

Despite having limited time, she finds the time to see Harley and make sure she's OK, demonstrating again how caring and supportive she is.  Ivy's also all over Harley, something Harley does not mind.

In case I had any lingering doubts that Harley has a physical attraction for Ivy, she says two things here that confirm it for me.  She expresses disappointment that Ivy can't stay overnight as she could “use the attention.”  Shortly after she tries to convince Ivy to spend the night.  Now, I may have a dirty mind, but it seems to me like Harley is after sex here.  There are several ways Amanda and Jimmy could have worded this to make it less sexual, they didn't do that.

Interestingly, Harley also says she misses Ivy more than Mason.  I don't think she's telling Ivy what she wants to hear, that's not the type of relationship they have.  So, if we take her at her word, she misses Ivy more than a guy she was in love with.  That would seem to be a pretty big hint about how much Harley cares for Ivy.  This, along with the kiss scene in the annual, convinced me that Harley has romantic feelings for Ivy, not just sexual ones.      

So Harley is polyamorous?  Non-monogamous?  She loved Mason and she loved Ivy. She had lines of dialogue that indicted she wanted to sleep with both of them.  Harley and Ivy didn't talk about dating, but Ivy says several times how busy she is, so maybe it's just not the right time for them.  Harley, being non-monogamous and caring about both of them, is happy to date the one who has the time to be in a relationship. Or I could be completely wrong.  

Just a quick word about Mason.  He was fine, obviously a better boyfriend than that Joker, but he was pretty boring and certainly not a standout character.

Issue 30, the last one in the original run, ends with Harley and Ivy sitting in a tree. They are sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.  Yep, Amanda and Jimmy went there.  Subtlety was completely thrown out the window.  Haley and Ivy, sitting in a tree.  Also, Ivy knows Harley isn't furry. Wow!

I cannot express how much I love the 2013-2016 run.  Every issue is so much fun.

It's pretty wild to me how caring, supportive and loving Ivy was the entire run. Amanda and Jimmy immediately establish how much Ivy cares for Harley.  By the end of the run, it's clear to me that Harley has similar feelings. Given how popular these two character are, I have to salute DC for letting them write Harley and Ivy this way.  I'm sure some people could argue that they are just really, really good friends, but when you actually read the comic, they act pretty damn gay.

Thanks for reading. Part 2 will be my thoughts on the current run

[lovlieziam]

Ziam and I couldn't decide out of 34 or 35 sorry

Please don’t be sorry, I took shameless advantage and wrote BOTH. Did someone say quasi-superhero/spy au? No? Oh well, I wrote it anyway.

34. “If you keep looking at me like that we won’t make it to a bed.”

35. “You heard me. Take. It. Off.”

Zayn watchedLiam go down, the whole scene playing out in painful slow motion. He felt, morethan heard Liam’s name tear from his own throat, his pulse thundering in hisears as what seemed to be his entire being focused on the disaster playing outbefore him. His feet were moving before his brain had even fully registeredthat Liam had been hit, his mind still filled with the white noise that hadtaken residence the minute he realized Liam was in danger.

He was at Liam’sside in less than two minutes—and impressive feat, considering how far he’dbeen from Liam in the first place—and his heart threatened to beat right out ofhis chest. He reached forward, pressing two fingers to Liam’s neck, hoping andpraying to find a pulse. All the adrenaline pumping through his veins made hisvision blur, and it came as a shock to realize he was shaking. The fingers pressed to Liam’s throat were racked withsmall tremors that seemed to travel up Zayn’s arm and into his core.

And he still couldn’tfind a fucking pulse, Jesus. Hepressed a little harder, trying to choke back the sob that was insistent onmaking its way up his throat.

If Liam wasdead, Zayn was going to fucking murderhim.

Then finally, finally, Zayn felt the faint and rhythmicthump thump thump of Liam’s pulse,and all his breath left him in a rush, the sob he’d been holding back breakingfrom his throat and loosening everything in his chest.

Liam was alive,thank fuck. His pulse was weak, andhis skin was ashen, but he was alive.

Zayn reachedup, tapping the earpiece in his ear, praying it was still working. “This is Malik,I need medical on 5th immediately. Payne went down. Do you copy?”

The line fedhim static for a couple seconds before, “This is medical, we copy. Sending aunit your way, should be there in approximately ten.”

Zayn groaned asthe line went dead, looking back at Liam and trying to keep his composure. Tenminutes was a long fucking time, anything could happen between now and then. “Justhang on, Li. Medical’s on their way. Just a bit longer, sweetheart.” He reachedforward, brushing Liam’s bangs off of his forehead with one hand and cuppinghis cheek with the other. An overwhelming urge of protectiveness rushed throughhim; like hell would he ever letanything happen to this boy.

“Careful, Z. Aboy might get the wrong impression,” Liam murmured out, his voice weak andstrained, but still making Zayn startle.

“Liam?” Zaynquestion, immediately moving forward to hover over him, the hand brushing hisbangs moving to flutter down Liam’s side, checking for injuries while trying notto hurt him farther. “How do you feel? Do you remember what happened? Where youare?”

Liam let out asnort, obviously trying for sarcastic, but it ended up more of a choke thananything, and Zayn’s worry—which was already ridiculously high—ratcheted up acouple more notches.

“Just because Itook a hit doesn’t mean I’m automatically incompetent,” Liam croaked, his voicerough and panting, and fuck, he really probably shouldn’t be talking in hiscondition. Zayn shouldn’t rise to the bait, he shouldn’t. But, well. Even injured, it seemed Liam knew just how toraise Zayn’s hackles.

“I wasn’timplying you were incompetent, Liam,” Zayn said, and so what if his voicesounded a little shrill? Zayn felt it was justified. “But you were shot at, Liam, and—”

“So what? I getshot at all the time. I don’t know if you know this, Zayn, but it’s kinda partof the job—”

“—and,” Zayn interrupted, “you were shotat and you fell two fucking stories,Liam. Excuse me for being more than a little concerned. I don’t know if you know this, but that kind of fall kills people, Liam.”

Liam justsmirked up at him, the bastard. “Aww, c’mon, Zaynie. I’m not even hurt. Ithought you knew me better than this. It’s gonna take more than a little fallto kill me.” And then the asshole winkedat him, fucking winked while Zayn wassitting there consumed with worry, and now more than righteous anger. If hewanted to pretend like his fucking safety was a joke, then fine, Zayn wasn’t going to treat him delicately, either.

He narrowed hiseyes, moving both hands to the front of Liam’s jacket and yanking, hauling Liam up with him as he stood up. Liam winced theentire way, a small groan working its way out of his throat at the roughtreatment. Not hurt, my ass, Zaynthought.

“Fuck,” Liammuttered, forcing his eyes closed as Zayn helped him find his balance. Zaynfelt his anger slowly leave, guilt taking its place so quickly it nearly madehis head spin.

What the fuckhad he been thinking? Liam was fucking hurt,and he’d let his anger get in the way—

But then Liamopened his eyes, pasting that stupid fucking smirk on his lips again as hiseyes met Zayn’s. “Mmm, if I’d have known all it took for you to man handle mewas falling off a building, I’d’ve done it sooner.” And then Zayn’s guilt wasbeing slingshotted away, the anger at Liam’s utter lack of self-concern comingback with a vengeance.

Zayn felt hisgrip on Liam’s jacket tighten, before he used his grip to push Liam away—gently,though. He could recognize Liam was hurt, even if Liam was an idiot about hisinjuries. “Take your jacket off, Liam.”

Liam’s eyebrows shot up, his mirk growing wider as he took a step towards Zayn,effectively erasing the space Zayn had created in the first place. “Why, Zayn,trying to get me to strip in public?”

Despite hisflirty words, Liam still didn’t move to take off the jacket. It pissed Zayn offa little bit.

“If you’regoing to be callous and stupid about your injuries, then one of us has to besmart about it. Medical will be here shortly, and I’d like to give them atleast a place to start when it comes to patching you up.”

Liam justcontinued staring, that stupid fuckingsmirk not going anywhere fast. “Wow. Your foreplay is incredible, Z.Calling me stupid and self-destructive in one breath? What a fuckin’ turn on.”

It took all ofZayn’s power not to shove Liam again, to not bunch his fist up and just let itfly at Liam’s face. He really was an asshole—Zayn wasn’t sure why he was soattracted to him in the first place.

“Liam,” Zayn grittedout, and really, if he clenched his jaw any tighter it’d probably snap. “Youheard me. Take. It. Off.” Liam’s response was to take a step forward,eliminating any space left between the two.

“C’mon, Zed,” Liammurmured, his breath ghosting across Zayn’s lips, causing a shiver to run downhis spine. “You don’t wanna wait until we get somewhere a little more private,hmm? Maybe somewhere with a bed? Nice and soft and big; just for the two of us?” Liam took another step forward,causing Zayn to take a stumbling step back. He knew what Liam was doing—the manpractically invented the word distracting—but fuck if it wasn’t working. “Just want me to strip right here, infront of the whole city? Dirty streets and prying eyes be damned.”

Zayn felt himselfswallow harshly, forcing himself to remember how he’d gotten himself in thissituation to begin with. Liam was hurt,Goddamnnit. Hurt. Zayn felt his angerflare up again—seriously, fuck Liam Payne and his stupid lack of self-preservation.He wanted to play games? Fine, Zayn could give as good as he fucking got.

He reachedforward, twisting his hands in the collar of Liam’s jacket and jerking himforward, placing him just that muchcloser to Zayn.

It was possiblethat, in his anger, he maybe, probably, most-likely didn’t think his planthrough. He had wanted to yell at Liam, give him a lecture on the worth of hislife and taking injuries seriously, then strip the jacket from around Liamhimself and make sure he wasn’t bleeding all over the place.

As it was, onceLiam was that fucking close he forgot his entire speech; his lecture slowlyslipping from his brain and dropping to the hard pavement beneath their feet.

Still, he couldtry, right? It was something about the only bed being a hospital bed and hospitalshaving tons of privacy. Yeah, Zayn was pretty sure it was something like that.

“I-I don’t wantyou to take me to a b-bed,” Zayn said, and that wasn’t at all how the speech went,he knew. Zayn also wasn’t entirely sure what his face was doing anymore, but itmust’ve been something Liam really liked because the smirk finally dropped offhis face, his eyes zeroing in on Zayn’s lips. He pressed himself forward,lining up every inch of their bodies, and Zayn felt his next inhale get stuckin his throat, his breath stuttering as it tried to make its way to his lungs.

“Zaynie,” Liambreathed as he reached a hand up, tucking it against Zayn’s jaw, right where itmet his throat. “If you keep looking at me like that we won’t make it to a bed.”And then Liam was pushing forward, closing the practically non-existent inchesbetween them and sealing their lips together. Zayn felt his once-stuck breathcome rushing in, a sharp inhale through his nose, at the first touch of theirlips.

It was fuckingdizzying, having Liam pressed against him, so close and solid, his lips warmand inviting. Every stray thought flew out of Zayn’s head, until all he couldthink about was Liam’s fucking tongue,licking along Zayn’s own lips, seeking permission to a question Zayn was hopelessto refuse.

He granted Liamaccess easily, a greedy moan slipping out the minute Liam swept his tongueinside. He tasted a little bit like the dirt and rubble surrounding them, butthere was also that unmistakable hint of bubblegum he was always fuckingchewing. Liam was obnoxious with the shit, always blowing bubbles that gaveloud pops just to annoy Zayn, but deep-down Zayn had always wondered if he’dtaste like the stuff—sweet and undeniably rich.

The thought alwaysleft Zayn’s mouthwatering, and to find out that it was true? It was probably agood thing he was holding on to Liam, then.

Zayn tilted hishead, removing one of his hands from Liam’s collar to wrap in the hairs at thebase of Liam’s neck. He gave them a slight tug—which made Liam let out anabsolutely filthy moan, holy fuck—moving to deepen the kiss, when—

“Um? E-excuseme? We were informed that Mr. Payne needed, um…medical attention?”

Zayn jerkedback at the voice, focusing wide eyes on the medics standing a few feet fromthem. He felt his mouth drop open, bobbing up and down while he tried toformulate some kind of reason—some kind of sound logic—for him to be making out with Liam while he was hurt.

Notsurprisingly, he came up with nothing. He just stood there, gaping at themedics while Liam—seriously, he was an absolute ass—failed to surpass a laugh.

Zayn turned tohim, his mouth snapping shut in order to properly glare at the man. Liam onlysmiled wider in response.

Zayn decidedright there that medical really didn’t need to worry too much about Liam’sinjuries. After all, what was the point of treating a dead man. Because Zayn was going to kill him. Slowly, painfully.

“See boys,”Liam started, and Zayn just barely refrained from decking him and that smugtone. “That’s what I kept telling Zaynie, but he’s a bit old fashion, you see?Believes that any boo-boo can be healed with a kiss.” Liam was doing a pisspoor job of smothering his laughter, and Zayn was probably doing a similar jobof hiding how much he wanted to smother Liam.

The medics,bless them, only sent a confused smile Liam’s way, before asking Liam to followhim to get properly looked over.

Zayn chose to ignorethe jab, but Liam didn’t. He burst into laughter as he followed behind themedic—fucking limping. Zayn knew he was hurt, the absolute bastard.

“I don’t know,”Liam said. “I kinda like the way Zayn handles it.” And then he turned his head,looking over his shoulder as he shot a wink Zayn’s way. Zayn’s stomach—the absolutetraitor—did a flip.

Maybe Zaynwould postpone murdering Liam—at least for today.

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

Anons wanted an explanation for the placements I had on my previous tier list, but upon going back and looking it over, I realized that I wanted to move a few characters around, so I ended up getting a new template and remaking it. 

I wrote little bits about each character [yes, each one] below the cut, but be warned, it’s long. 

SS  

“I love you so much that I would sell my soul to make sure you’re happy”

Lee Everett: Lee is a goddamn legend. He deserves to be at the very top. He’s one of the best protagonists I’ve ever played as in a game, his backstory is incredibly interesting, and his relationship with and dedication to protecting  Clementine never felt forced and is one of the highlights of S1. Even now, having replayed S1 a million times, seeing him get bit and slowly become weaker and weaker as he refuses to give up on Clementine still breaks my salt encased heart. Watching him die in the end never fails to put that lump in my throat. I love him.

AJ: I love this kid. I was so worried that they wouldn’t do him justice when the game was announced and I saw the trailer, but I was floored by just how much I grew to love him. He feels like my kid, my responsibility and I want him to grow up strong and smart, but also human. His voice acting is terrific, and I think he’s one of the best child characters we’ve ever been given in video games. His relationship with Clementine rivals Lee and Clem’s relationship and that’s what I wanted. This kid earned his place at the top. 

S4 Clementine: This Clementine is my absolute favorite. While I love all the Clementine’s across the four seasons, I feel like she truly hit her peak in S4. I fucking love her, I’m proud of who she grew up to be, and seeing her journey to this point only solidifies that she’s my favorite. She’s strong and stern, but she has her softer moments with AJ and Louis/Violet, and what else is there really to say? She’s Clementine.  

Louis: ....Do I really need to explain this? I mean, c’mon. If you’ve been following me for a long time- shit, if you’ve only been following me for a few minutes, then y’all know how much I love Louis. I can say with 100% certainty that Louis is my favorite non-playable character across all four games. I’ve made numerous posts, answered over a hundred asks, written thousands of words about him. Everything about him from his character design, his personality, his traumas, his voice acting, his expressions, his relationship with Clementine and AJ and Violet and Marlon and everyone- He’s the best. I love him. 

Rosie: Rosie is the bestest girl in the world. ‘nuff said. 

S

“I fucking love everything about you.”

S1 Clementine: Alright, before y’all come at me with the whole “Why isn’t little baby Clem SS tier you monster??” let me explain: I adore S1 Clementine. She’s still in S tier, after all. However, after playing through these games several times over again, I realize that this really is just the beginning of Clementine’s character and her growth. She’s lovable, she’s cute, and I want to protect her, but she’s not... a compelling character? She doesn’t fully come into herself and develop a stronger personality until S2. Like I said, I still love her and I can’t deny the impact that she had on the characters and us players, but she’s not my favorite Clementine of the bunch. 

S2 Clementine: I fucking love S2 Clementine. I’d actually say that she’s my 2nd favorite Clementine. I give S2 a lot of well-deserved shit, but she is the high point of it all. Something about her character is compelling to me, like how she’s stuck with a bunch of adults who underestimate her yet want her to do everything for them and she just... is so done with it hahaha. But her growth is what it really does it for me. We went from little baby Clementine who whimpered at a small cut on her finger to a Clementine who fucking sews her own arm up, covers herself in walker guts with barely a flinch, can shoot a gun with great accuracy and take down walkers like they ain’t shit, and can survive and make her own decisions. Also, her instant connection with AJ is great. Love it. Love her. 

Javier Garcia: Yo, I love this beautiful man. This man is honestly the best part of ANF, and without him it would’ve been such a shitty game. I found his backstory as an ex-professional baseball player booted from the league for gambling a cool concept. He’s hilarious and charming, too. Honestly, he deserved a better game with better, y’know? The only reason he’s not SS tier is because of the writing and his nonsense with Kate when you don’t want to romance her. It makes it seem like he led her on and then was like “Wait nevermind lol” which is annoying, but other than that, he’s great. Love his relationships with most of the characters, and the ending he got was pretty good. 

James: I don’t talk about him as much as I should because I find James fucking fascinating. If they ever made a DLC or a mini-game for twdg, I want it to be about James and his journey in finding and joining the whisperers, his relationship with Charlie, and how he escaped them. His views on walkers, his survival and killing skills, his past traumas haunting his every moment for fear that he’ll revert back to what he was, his extreme pacifism that ironically turns violent- just what a cool fucking character. And while he has his wild moments [cave scene, anyone? “Oh ouch!” hahahahahaa] he’s still one of my favorites. 

Violet: Oh, Violet. She’s amazing. I love her so damn much. If there’s ever been a character that I see a lot of myself in, it’s her.... which is why I tend to be a little harsh with her sometimes, but I can’t deny that she’s one of the most well-written characters across the whole series. She’s not perfect [both she and Louis do have their tiny inconsistencies that I blame the writing for] but that’s a good thing. And while I don’t ship her and Clementine, I 100% get why a lot of people do. Their relationship is adorable and way more compelling than her previous relationship with Minerva. 

A

“I love you <3″

Carley: My beautiful girlfriend... you were taken away far too soon. Carley’s one of my favorite characters from S1. I wish we could’ve had more time to explore a relationship between her and Lee, but what we did get is enjoyable. She’s a badass, and I will always love the moment she tells Lilly off for being a little bitch, even though it results in her death. Not a day goes by where I’m not salty about that one. 

Molly: Molly’s a goddamn badass. She scales buildings like it’s nothing, she named her weapon Helga, and her backstory with Crawford and her sister is terrific. Also, she’s funny and I love her. That’s that.

Omid: This dude was literally a light in S1. He brought us some humor when we needed it [ “...You broke that dude’s face.” ] and his relationship with Christa was so sweet. Also, him and Lee bonding over being history nerds? Yes, please. It’s bullshit that he was killed off two seconds into S2 but hey... S2 had a lot of bullshit in it so...  Justice for Omid 2k19. 

Luke: *deeeeeeeep inhale* Big Brother Luke did not deserve that bullshit. Literally one of the best characters in S2 and y’all just.... did him dirty like that. And for what? To make room for Kenny and Jane? Bull. Shit. Luke was so damn good, and the only reason he’s not higher is because of what they did to him after ep3. He starts out so kind and supportive and seriously like a big brother character then SUDDENLY he’s stupid and “makes it” with Jane while walkers are trying to eat us and then he gets himself shot and then fucking dies and akjsjdlkjasdkjaslkjasdklerwedascasads- 

S3 Clementine: ...So, here’s where y’all will probably get pissed. S3 Clementine is my least favorite of the bunch. Don’t get me wrong, I still love her and she is still in A tier, but... how do I explain it? She’s in her 13-year-old, emo/angsty phase and it’s hilarious when it shouldn’t be. There are moments where I do become emotional for her, like when David takes AJ away and Javi hugs her, or when Gabe dies and she’s saying goodbye, or when she gets her first period, y’know moments like that! BUT... then we have moments where Javi goes to talk to her and she’s all “HAVING PEOPLE IS GREAT AT FIRST BUT EVENTUALLY EVERYONE DIES” or when she straight up shoots that guy who gave her faulty bullets OR WHEN SHE’S LIKE “IMMA KILL ME A LINGARD” AND.......... it’s too much for me! I can’t take her seriously when she’s this angsty, even when I understand why she is the way she is. Again, to reiterate, I still love her but in ranking all four Clementines, she comes in last for me.... and I can already hear the shit that’s gonna be thrown my way haha

Conrad: The most underappreciated character in S3 and it’s nonsense. Don’t come for me, but this dude is my favorite npc in S3. I love Conrad, and I wish we got more of him. He does have his own little arch if you keep him alive through the end. His grief over Francine is heartbreaking and his downward spiral that leads him to act out and threaten Javi, Clem, and Gabe so that he can get his revenge is wonderful. And btw, he does apologize for pulling the gun on them and makes up for it in the future. And y’know what moves him up into A tier? The moment you let him kill Badger. One of the best kills of the game. I prefer it over beating the shit out of Badger myself. 

Aasim: This boy is my son, and I’m sorry, but he’s really fucking cool. You’ve got this kid who was sent to Ericson for being a pyromaniac [according to Kent, it’s not actually mentioned in game] and grew into this guy who documents everything so that they’ll have a form of history to look back on and help not repeat mistakes. His banter with Louis is funny, and even though he gets fed up with Louis for not taking anything seriously, he still cares deeply about him given how he reacts when Louis loses his tongue. His crush on Ruby is adorable, too. I just love him, he’s great. 

Marlon: Now, originally I put Marlon in a lower tier [the “I like your role in the story” type of tier] but upon reflection I actually find Marlon to be a compelling character. He’s high on the list because of how well he’s portrayed. Marlon has some of the best voice acting across all the games. There isn’t a single moment where I don’t believe what he’s saying, which says something. There are moments where Clementine will say something and I go, “Really? That’s the take they went with? Okay...” but not with Marlon. For only being in ep1, he played his part really fucking well. I won’t defend any of the shit he pulled because it’s awful, but I understand everything he did. He is a coward, a sheep hiding in a wolf’s coat, pretending that he’s got everything under control and putting all the pressure of a leader onto himself and it eventually breaks him. I know they killed him off to further the plot and show how ruthless AJ can be as a child growing up in the world, but I wish he survived past ep1 so that we could really get into the meat of his character. I’ll say it: I love him as fake-friend-to-full-on-antagonistic-character and his role within the story. 

Mitch: I fucking love Mitch and the only reason he isn’t in SS tier is because of how goddamn dirty the writers did him. You give me this boy- this butterknife wielding, foul-mouthed, angry, hilarious, bomb-making boy and make me fall in love with him and THEN YOU KILL HIM OFF IN THE STUPIDEST WAY POSSIBLE. “Oh, lemme just run at the crazy lady with a knife and- OOF! It appears I’ve been throat stabbed bleh-”  I’ve complained about this since ep2, but lemme say it again: Mitch had so much potential to be an amazing character but never got the chance to because we had to add to the death count and make us more afraid of Lilly even though it didn’t do shit because it was a reaction kill rather than one made out of malice. 

Tenn: Tenn is such a tragic character for me. In my personal canon ending, he dies because he was “messing up again” and AJ shot him. This poor kid was so full of hope that the walkers would go away one day, he’s so genuine and never wants to hurt anyone, even if they’re trying to hurt him, and he’s so fucked up from seeing Minerva that he stops thinking and tries to go to her even as she’s being devoured right in front of him. Tenn is like this game’s Sarah, but done right. He deserved better, but he was a well-written character and I love him. His friendship with AJ was so sweet which makes it even more heartbreaking when he dies. Yet another terrific child character. 

B

“I like you and/or your role within the story”

S1 Kenny: This dude is such a chaotic topic. I feel like 90% of the fandom has an incredibly strong opinion on him, and of that 90%, 45% of people absolutely love him and if you say anything negative you’ll get a boat to the head while the other 45% loathe him. Then you’ve got the 10% who don’t have such strong opinions, and that’s where I fall. I like Kenny, and I like S1 Kenny more than his S2 counterpart. He has a great arch throughout the season regardless if you’re his best pal or not. He has some funny lines, some emotional scenes. I’ll never forget the first time I played the scene where Kenny’s crying over Katjaa’s dead body while Duck is laying against the tree on the brink of death. And I definitely will never forget the part where he finds the boy in the attic. Overall, I like him and what he brought to S1. 

Katjaa: She was really sweet and her death broke my heart. I don’t have too much to say about her, but I liked her a lot. She loved her family and met a tragic end. 

Ben: Fucking Ben, man. This poor kid. Another character with wasted potential. I’ve mentioned this plenty of times before, but I wish we could get an alternative ending where Ben was the only one who survived and became Clementine’s new caretaker. There was so much room for growth. He just wanted to help out but kept screwing up and it’s just.... sad. 

Christa: I’ll be honest, the first time I ever played S1, I didn’t like Christa. Something about her rubbed me the wrong way and I didn’t care about her as much as I did Omid. However, the more times I replayed it, the more I grew to love her. She’s strong but sweet, and you can’t deny how much she loves Omid. And while I wish we did get to know what happened to her in S2, I can live with it remaining unknown.  

Chuck: As much as I like our guitar playing hobo friend who deserved so much more, I would probably put him a tier lower if it weren’t for the advice that he gives Lee on the train. Because of him, Lee stopped treating Clementine entirely like a little girl in need of protection and cut her hair, taught her to use a gun, and furthered their communication by building a plan together. Without Chuck and his wise hobo words, Lee might’ve fucked both of them over. Also, Chuck’s pretty badass with that shovel, he got a lot of chuckles out of me, but his death was off screen and disappointing. 

Andy St John: Okay. Okay okay okay. Andy. He is so high here [and so much higher than his mom and brother] because to me, he’s the scariest of the St John’s. Why? Because he’s the most normal-appearing of the three. He acts and talks like any normal guy would. He’s someone that I could see myself running into in real life. He’s so good at hiding how fucked up he is from everyone, unlike his brother who you can just look at and go “hahahahaha no thanks” and his mother who’s character design is just awful. I find him to be the strongest of the three, the smartest and the most dangerous. And the final fight between him and Lee is amazing. I love how you can be so furious with him that you keep punching him even after the prompt goes away and then his face goes all purple and swollen. Easily the greatest antagonist in S1.

Eddie: This dude is the best character to come out of the 400 Days dlc. End of story. 

 Alvin: He gave me a juice box and that automatically puts him here. Real great guy but we didn’t get too into his character. Wish we could’ve, though.  

Rebecca: She grew on me tbh. Didn’t like her in ep1 when she was being all pissy and all, but for the most part, she’s pretty good. 

Mike: I will forever wish the writers went through with the concept of Mike being one of the guys who attacked Christa because then he could’ve had a better character backstory. Regardless, I still like him. He’s pretty funny. 

Nick: Nick? Oh, you mean PURE WASTED POTENTIAL. I mean, they really did give us this super flawed but sympathetic and interesting character and kill him off-screen. They really did that. Honestly, S2 really pisses me off sometimes for the way they treated these characters. It all goes downhill once everyone escapes. Yeah, yeah, blah blah not everyone gets a meaningful death blah blah but y’know what? You can do better than that. I loved Nick and I was so excited to see what they’d do with him in the end but NOPE! Justice 4 Nick 2k19

Pete: What a good dude. He stuck by Clementine’s side even when everyone thought she was bit. Love him. Wish we saw more of him. 

Sarah: Ha. Ha. PURE WASTED POTENTIAL 2.0. What else needs to be said? This girl had the foundation for a great character but again, NOPE! I really liked Sarah! I wanted to teach her to use a gun to protect herself! The loss of her father fucking broke her and it was hard to watch but I wanted more and just ahaklsdjlaskjdlkakjaskjsaadkljas ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh-

Ava: Yo. Ava’s a fucking gorgeous badass. Really liked her and how she was sweet on Clementine. Also, it’s interesting that she stuck by David’s side like that. 

David: I have a lot of mixed feelings about David. On one hand, the complicated relationship between him and Javier is good, even if it’s a little bullshit at times. On the other hand, David’s an asshole.  But he’s a great antagonistic character. I do love that about him. The shit with him and Kate was a little annoying, but only because they didn’t ever elaborate on anything. On what level was the marriage fucked? Was it straight-up abusive? What happened to David’s first wife? Why did Kate and David get married in the first place? I got questions! But, like Javier, I think David deserved a better game with better writing. 

Jesus: This dude parkour kills walkers. Pretty fucking badass. 

Tripp: I feel like I don’t like Tripp as much as some people. I like him fine, but I know a lot of folks gush about him. I think he’s a good dude, a little pushy with Eleanor, but he’s loyal and strong. 

S2 Lilly: I fucking hate Lilly. I hate her so goddamn much. She pushes every wrong button with her bullshit “Where's our new recruits?? Lee would be so disappointed knowing he taught you all the wrong things! You’re one of my people now, Clementine” AND THE GODDAMN “Yes, Ma’am” SHIT. Nothing irks me more than every time someone from the delta acts like Lilly’s the baddest bitch and call her “Ma’am” I HATE IT AND I HATE HER. SHE KILLED MITCH. SHE KIDNAPPED MY CHILDREN. SHE DARES TO TRY AND HURT LOUIS LIKE HE’S NOTHING. AND I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT HER....... That being said, y’all are probably thinking “wtf if you hate her so much why isn’t she in F tier???” and that’s because no other antagonist in these games has ever gotten this strong of a reaction out of me. Lilly is a damn good antagonist. She’s not perfect, and there are definitely things I would change or add, but she does her job and makes me absolutely livid [yeah yeah I know ha ha ha ha] every time she’s on screen doing her bullshit. I hate her and that counts for something. She’s easily the best “villain” in the entire series. 

Ruby: I love my funny little hot-headed medic. Ruby’s amazing and I love her. 

Willy: This kid really grew on me. I thought he was weird and creepy at the beginning but I adore him now. His brotherly relationship with Mitch should’ve been explored more, and at times his voice acting is kind of jarring, but I still love him. 

C

“You’re fine, I guess...”

Duck: He’s fine. I like Duck. I like the “what if” scenarios we’ve come up with surrounding his character, and his death always puts a lump in my throat, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to say I love him, y’know?

Doug: Again, he’s fine. He has some funny moments when you save him, and he’s got a cool little panda bear on his sweater but... yeah. He’s okay. 

Mark: Oh hai Mark. He’s cool, and the reason he’s not lower is because the iconic moment of finding him in the hidden room with his legs chopped off choking out the words “Don’t... eat... dinner” forever haunts my nightmares. 

Russell: I’m not a big fan of most of the playable 400 Days characters, but I think if I had to pick a favorite, it’s Russell. His backstory of being with the group that believed in the power of 7′s [I think it was 7 I dunno going off of memory here] was cool and his weird thing with Nate was fun and disturbing. He’s a pretty cool character. 

Carlos: I’ve made posts about Carlos before and how I think he had a lot of potential, but looking strictly at his role in the game and I’m left underwhelmed. I did get a lot of shit for where I placed him in my previous tier because he was [and still is] above S2 Kenny but I’m not going to lie and say I like Kenny more than him because... I don’t. I just think Carlos should’ve been given more development.  

Carver: A cool antagonist who was defeated waaaaaay too early in the game. They were doing a fantastic job at making me hate him with his treatment of Clementine, beating the shit out of Kenny, murdering Alvin and pulling all that shit with Rebecca, but killing him off so quickly didn’t make it feel as satisfying. Again, underwhelming. 

Sam: This pup betrayed me and he ain’t no Rosie, but we played frisbee so he gets a C I guess

Gabe: Y’know, Gabe could’ve been so good. But every time I play through ANF, he ends up annoying me more than Ben. What does that tell you? He’s fine, but he could’ve been a lot better. 

Mariana: I’m not so much “meh” on Mari because I think she’s sweet and likable! The problem is I don’t want to put her any higher because really? What did she do? She died horribly because Badger’s a piece of shit. 

Abel: Meh this guy’s garbage. I only put him up a little higher because the scene with him in the basement is really good. 

Brody: Brody is like the Mariana of S4 for me, just a bit better. I do like her. She had some development but her whole purpose was to die by Marlon’s hand and get the plot going. Would’ve loved to learn more about her, but I couldn’t give her anything higher than a C. 

Minerva: Controversial opinion but........ I don’t like Minerva as much as a lot of people do. If I could be brutally honest, if I were ranking these characters solely on how I feel about them without looking at their roles in the games and character development, Minerva would be in E tier at the highest. However, I can’t deny how tragic and complex her character and backstory is. It’s similar to how I feel about Lilly, but different. I think she’s just so fucked up from the delta that she’s become a husk of who she was and it results in her constantly pissing me off with all her shit. Also, the bridge scene alone bumps her up. That shit was crazy in a good yet tragic way. 

Omar: At one point, I forgot Omar existed until he got shot in the leg...... but he’s also God so y’know. I like him but I also had to make up my own little backstory for him so...

D

“Meh”

S1 Lilly: I don’t care about S1 Lilly in the slightest, she’s awful. They made her way more compelling in S4. And she killed my girlfriend which is bullshit on it’s own.

Jolene: If I could rewrite S1, I would’ve thrown out the Stranger and had Jolene be the kidnapper. As Danny said, “What a waste.”

Bonnie: She’s pretty disappointing, tbh. I didn’t like how the game help pushing her onto Clem and overall she’s pretty forgettable. 

Vince: He’s okay, I guess. He killed a dude one time. And shot a guy’s foot off.

Wyatt: “Meh” hahaha Eddie was a cooler character than he was

Jane: I wish Jane had been the Molly of S2 and stayed gone after she left the first time. I like that she taught Clementine some useful survival tactics and that’s what puts her on this tier, but I think we all know how I feel about the whole Jane vs. Kenny thing by now so... 

S2 Kenny: This Kenny actually moved up a tier because I fully took in everything he’s been through thus far and.... “Meh.” I don’t think he’s good for Clementine, I think she and AJ need a group like Wellington. I recognize that he’s a lot of people’s favorite, but like I said above in his S1 counterpart, I’m the 10% that doesn’t have that strong of an opinion on him. I’d much rather discuss other characters over him. 

Sarita: Forgettable, really. Except for when you get the chance to cut her hand off. That fucking scream of hers is anything but forgettable, yeesh. 

Walter: Again, mostly forgettable. His death was sad, and I do think he’s a good example of what happens when you’re too trusting in this world, but overall he doesn’t stand out to me. 

Kate: I probably would’ve liked Kate more if her romance wasn’t so damn forced. She has some funny lines, but she’s also pretty selfish and fickle when it comes to a lot of things. And I will forever be annoyed at her inability to keep her mouth shut about her and Javi’s relationship [or lack of] in front of David. 

E

“I don’t like you but you’re not the absolute worst, I guess...”

Danny St John and Brenda St John: I put these two together because they have the same issue: They’re fucking creepy. Where Andy was normal and deceiving, these two look like they want to cut my legs off and eat them. I think they’re much weaker in character than Andy was, even with Danny’s weird sexual fixation of his gun and Brenda talking about her husband. 

Vernon: He’s not the absolute worst because I do feel a little sympathy for him losing his daughter, but everything else just makes me not like him. 

Shel and Becca: Easily my two least favorite characters in 400 Days. I had no real interest in either of them. 

Arvo: This guy. I didn’t put him in as the absolute worst because of all the unnecessary shit Kenny put him through. No wonder he wanted to get the hell outta there. 

Clint: I literally couldn’t give a single shit about this dude or what happens to him. 

Eleanor: I don’t like Eleanor. I found her annoying. Her one good quality is her want to help people, but that want didn’t do much to help Tripp now did it, Eleanor.

F

“The absolute worst”

Larry: Did you expect anything else? Fuck this guy. 

Stranger: Worst final antagonist ever. You’re telling me I have to fight this Mister Roger’s tootsie pop? I’ll bet you $1 I can do it with one hand. Fuck this guy. 

Troy: Fuck Troy. All he does is smack Clementine around and then get shot in the dick. 

Joan: This lady is a laughably bad antagonist. The worst fucking “villian” jfc...

---

There ya have it. Do you agree, disagree? Maybe a character I found boring you really liked! Maybe you want to tell me why Kenny is the best/worst again!  We can discuss it. 

I’m always open to talking about these characters!

[lunasilvermorny]

End of year 4

(I know I’m not done with season 1 of the Quidditch story, but it seems like it’ll take a while, so in the meantime, I want to actually progress the story.)

Wait, he hasn’t came back yet? The hell is he doing?

Aww, she looks so proud.

That’s the look of- “At least it’s not Slytherin.”

(Unless you’re playing as one, but I’m not, so it works.)

Such a plot twist...

Yeah, you were only a 1,000+ points ahead. No big deal.

Me: Finally, I got to year 5!

Everyone who’s been through it:

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Conclusions:

(This is going to be a long one...)

In general:

I think year 4 was overall a good one. I liked the pace of the story (a bit slow sometimes, but never enough to make me completely disinterested.) and the fact that it was longer than the previous years made it better to really get invested in the plot.

Now for a deeper dive (with obvious spoilers):

The main plot:

I think the plot of year 4 is the most interesting we had so far. It was darker, but no too much to break the immersion. There were actual plot twists (the whole thing with Ben was very well executed.) and the new characters they introduced were really well made.

However, even though I thought the plot was pretty good, there were some really boring parts. For exampe - the part with sickleworth. I was really looking forward to it, but it was just tedious.

Let’s go search the arrowhead here. Oh, it’s not here? Let’s go there instead. No? Then let’s try this place...

Mind-numbingly boring and a waste of time.

New characters:

Rakepick:

As much as I think she’s a manipulative prick, she’s a great addition to the story. Her problematic methods are in perfect contrast to the other professors and I think it adds a lot to have an irresponsible adult around to enable MC’s behavior, when it comes to furthering the plot in a believable direction.

I don’t like the way she manipulates Merula into doing her dirty work, but again, it makes perfect sense that they would take this direction in order to keep Merula relevant as the antagonist.

Professor Kettleburn:

What more can I say? They nailed it. I love everything that has to do with him. I truly believe they made him justice the way they’ve portrait him. I went over the stuff that JKR wrote about him and they were very faithful to the source material. I think they’re way better at adapting characters that had no presence in the HP books and movies.

So yeah - great job, JC. Honestly.

Charlie Weasley:

Supported by my last statement about the way they adapt characters - Charlie is wonderful. I know that a lot of people find his obsessive talk about dragons annoying and one-dimensional, but in a game where most characters are not explored to a very deep level, I think it was smart to keep a simple and coherent character arc.

I like how calm and easy going he is and I just found myself enjoying almost every interaction MC had with him.

I really liked the fact that he was a huge part of the main story and that he automatically joined us in all the important parts, just like Tulip and Barnaby in year 3. His adventurous nature was very uplifting at times and he just made everything 10 times more interesting.

I can understand why he’s such a fan favorite. Again, great job, JC.

Andre Egwu:

I know that we technically already met him in year 3, but his presence was almost non-existent until year 4, so I consider him a new addition.

Anyway, like the rest of the new characters, I really like Andre.

At the beginning he was a bit annoying, but my impression on him changed very quickly once he had more screen time.

Proving that he’s more than a sassy background character, he showed that he’s a true friend in the main plot and the SQs. The fact that he’s our fashion-guy that always happy to help is already good enough, but his supportive nature in the main plot (giving MC his broom, join her to the forbidden forest) just made it so much better.

Liz Tuttle:

Even thought she’s still not our friend, she was in the background of a few SQ and was introduced in the Polyjuice Potion SQ. The problem is that... that’s it.

Anyone who’s been in my blog more than 10 minutes knows how much I like Liz and how her big of a presence she has in the headcanon, but she’s barely anywhere in the game and it’s such a shame.

I’d like to know her character better and I feel like there’s a missed opportunity. I adore her love and dedication for creatures and animals, and hope they wouldn’t just use it as a joke like- “look at that weird girl that cares way too much about animals” instead of showing it in a positive light.

Old characters:

Ben - I think I like the most what they've done with Ben. The fact that he was the masked “dark wizard” was a true plot twist and even though I suspected it, it still got me.

Rowan - I didn’t like the fact that Rowan was a judgemental arse and that in the end he was right, even though he had no proof and based his suspicions on gut feeling. That’s extremely out of character of him and I hated it.

Side quests:

There were many. Some were just brilliant (the Celestial Ball SQ and the First Date SQ), and some weren’t. (like the Nearly-Headless Nick one and.. I can barely remember, because they were so dull.)

But here’s a very quick recap (because I said all I had to say in the SQs posts):

Nearly-Headless Nick - So damn boring!

Unleash Your Patronus - Disappointing, but not a complete failure.

Polyjuice Potion - I wouldn’t have liked it nearly as much if Liz wasn’t in it... but she were, so I can’t say I hated it.

Celestial Ball - Brilliant! 10/10. Loved it. By far the best.

Rita Returns - Boring.

First Date - Amazing!

Become a Prefect - a bit boring at times, but in general it was a nice little SQ.

Magical Creatures Everywhere - Nice premise, I enjoyed all the creatures and characters involved, but it was just a fetch quest without anything too interesting. No stakes, very basic story. Not the best, but we had worst.

Also, I need to point out that I changed my opinion on Penny based on the SQs. (not only in this specific year.) They put her way too much in placed that she wasn’t belong and it left me more annoyed with her than anything. She was one of my favorite characters and now I just want to skip any dialogue with her, because I’m so tired of her.

The Vault:

This part was very disappointing. The build-up was promising, but there was barely a pay-off. It wasn’t nearly as interesting as the vault from year 3, even though I think it had greater potential.

Also, I hated the fact we had to fight the Acromantula instead of choosing between a fight and a conversation, like Kettleburn advised us.

Oher stuff:

Chimaera - I guess we’ll see it through next year? It felt more like a running gag than anything, but it’s a freaking Chimaera that’s running loose! There’s no way we’re not going to encounter it at some point. Anyway, I thought it was amusing as a background plot to show Kettleburn’s recklessness.

Studying - I know that most of the time it was to learn about things that have to do with the vault, but I still liked to see them sit and study, especially MC with Rowan. It’s a school after all.

Snape and Rakepiclk’s rivalry - it wasn’t written in the best way, but the presence of their rivalry was very much appreciated as a part of the plot. I like how Snape’s view of her stand in contrast to everything she did “to help” them and I think it adds a bit more depth to both of their characters.

The Weasleys - I loved all of their background plots. Such a wholesome addition.

Joking about Rakepick - it’s a very small thing, but I loved every mention of their fear that Rakepick is going to kill them. Very amusing.

Dumbledore’s absence - it just felt too convenient, so MC’d be able to do more things without supervision. It didn’t sit well with me and just felt like a cop-out.

Detention - Even though it was a shame that MC didn’t get her usual 100 house points at the end of the year, I do appreciate the fact that Dumbledore finally punished her bad behavior. Took him long enough, but it’s a start.

Quidditch:

I know it’s technically supposed to be in the second year, but since it’s started when MC was already in her 4th year, I treat it as if it’s part this year.

I think this addition improves the game significantly. The mechanics are fun and the plot is okay.

Penny’s role is very out of place and like I said before, it makes me love her character less and less. The new characters, however, are really interesting. I feel like each brings a new thing that no other character has brought before.

Skye - Although she left a very bad first impression, I think overall she’s okay. Her backstory is interesting and she makes the player want to win, for themselves and for her.

McNully - I think he’s great. Talk too much? Sure, but that’s part of his charm. He’s funny and interesting, and by far contributed the most to get MC in the team.

Orion - Again, it took me a while to like him, but his bs attitude became very comforting at times and I grew to like his weird dialogues.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Final thoughts:

This year was interesting and much more than the previous ones, in almost any aspect. It wasn’t perfect, but if I take everything into consideration, I think it was a successful year and my new favorite.

I know year 5 is way messier and incoherent, so I don’t have a lot of expectations. I’m just glad that we got this far and the story was still interesting enough to keep me going.

[notfunnydean]

Not good enough?

Pairing: Dean Winchester / Castiel

Warnings: None

Word Count: 6.099

Square Filled: hurt / comfort

Summary: When Dean finds a list in Cas’ room, where Cas has written down everything he hates about him, Dean tries to become a brand new person. But Castiel seems to hate that as well.

A/N: I don’t have anything to say to defend myself. This is for @spnfluffbingo2019 and my second square.

Link (if posted on AO3): https://archiveofourown.org/works/18134249

“Hey uhm… Cas? Can we talk for a second?” Dean asks and Castiel looks up from the old book he was reading. Dean shifts his weight from one foot to the other, because he is actually very nervous.

“Sure, Dean.” Castiel says and he even puts the book to his side. Dean nods to himself and the focuses on a spot at the wall behind Castiel.

“I just wanted to ask you… if you would like...well if you are hungry? I mean we could go out. Just you and me and you know... eat.” Dean stutters and he blushes badly at his own words. Castiel just squints at him.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Castiel says and Dean’s heart breaks quietly. He really hopes Castiel doesn’t see it, but Dean really thought Castiel would agree to a date. The last weeks they grew even closer than before and… maybe Dean had just imagined it.

“Oh that’s well...okay, too.” Dean mumbles, but he feels sick. This is not the first time, someone didn’t want him, but it’s the first time it actually hurts like this. Castiel just nods and gets up quickly.

“I’m sorry Dean, but it’s better this way.” Castiel says and he even puts his hand on Dean’s upper arm, where is mark once was. Dean swallows dryly and nods. Maybe Castiel is right. 

[Watch out for the cut]

Dean did fuck up every relationship he had before, so he should leave Castiel alone. They have good friendship going on. That should be enough. Dean never had a best friend before (besides Sam) and he feels lucky enough to get Castiel already in that way.

“Yeah I mean...we’re still friends right?” Dean mumbles and Castiel nods. He doesn’t look too happy about it and Dean has to look away, when Castiel turns around and leaves.

Dean takes a deep breath. He would just need to forget about Castiel. Easy, right?

*

“Cas? Do you have any dirty laundry?” Dean yells through the corridor, when he discovers that there would still be enough space in the washing machine. There is no answer and Dean groans, when he gets up from kneeling on the ground and walks out of the washing room.

“Cas, I asked…” Dean stops when he enters Castiel’s room and the other man isn’t even there. Dean shrugs, maybe Castiel was outside chasing bees or whatever he was up to these days. Normally he closes his door though.

Dean sighs and then spots a clothes basket on Castiel’s dresser. He decides to have a short look and goes over to it. There are only a few shirts and the trench coat in the basket, but Dean takes that with him anyway. Castiel could thank him later.

“Can’t believe he still wears that.” Dean mutters, when he searches in the trench coat’s pockets for stuff, that would get destroyed in the washing machine. He stops in his movements, when he finds a neatly folded paper in one of the pockets.

“Huh?” Dean makes, because the paper of this list is already turning a bit yellow and he can see, that Castiel had opened and closed it a lot of times. Dean knows he shouldn’t open it. Unlike Castiel he actually knows what personal space is, but there is something that takes him aback.

His name is written on it.

Dean isn’t sure how long he sits on the cold ground. The washing machine started already and he is watching it. The paper still in his hands. He should’ve never just taken Castiel’s clothes, but to be honest, it wasn’t the first time he had done it and Castiel had never said anything.

Dean swallows. He just had never washed the trench coat for Castiel. Dean sighs loudly and throws the paper on the ground next to him. It would be the right thing to just leave it alone, but only seconds later Dean has the paper in his hands again.

“Okay.” Dean mutters and then he opens it, ignoring the bad feeling in his tummy. Inside of the paper is a list written, and again, on top of the list is his name. Dean swallows. The list has exactly ten points.

The way he is always staring at me with too bright green eyes

His non-existent table manners and love for unhealthy food

His Love for Pie

The unhealthy affiliation to his car

His classic rock music and sometimes he even signs loudly to it

His style of clothing

His bowlegs

His freckles

He can be incredibly playful and childish

He will never give up the hunting lifestyle

Dean doesn’t know what to do. The list is too heavy in his hands and he tucks it into his own pocket, so he doesn’t have to look at it again. He never knew… that Castiel hated so many things about him.

But that would explain his behaviour towards Dean lately. It takes Dean almost thirty minutes until he feels calm enough to leave the washing room, but he just ends up in his bed, staring at the ceiling.

Castiel never eats with him anymore, no matter what Dean makes for him. No, he  always eats with Sam or alone in his room, where he is undisturbed. Since he fell, he eats a lot and Dean had actually found a joy in showing Castiel new food all the time.

And last week, when Dean had finally asked him out, it had taken all his courage to actually ask Castiel to join him to a restaurant near the bunker and he had even booked a nice table for them, but Castiel had declined.

Dean thought he was heartbroken back then, but this is worse. At least he knows now why Castiel wouldn’t go out with him. But maybe… maybe Dean could change?

*

“Hey Dean.”

Dean looks up and sees Sam leaning in his doorway. Dean hastily puts the paper away and hopes Sam doesn’t see it. Dean had read it a hundred times over the last days and by now he actually knows it by heart.

“What’s up?” Dean asks and takes his gun, from where it lays next to his knee. He continues to clean it and Sam comes into his room.

“Well since we kinda spent the last days in the bunker, I wanted to know if you want to go out and grab some food.” Sam says and he shrugs. Dean thinks about it for a moment and to be honest, he is really hungry.

“Sounds good to me. When?” Dean says, when he finally seems satisfied with his gun and puts it back under his pillow.

“Leave in an hour? I asked Cas as well and he is up for it, too.” Sam says and before Dean can answer that, he is already out of the door. Dean groans. If he had known Castiel would be there too, he would’ve declined.

After finding the list, Dean tried to avoid his best friend, but seems like he has to face him now again. Fuck. But at least he still has some time to prepare before going out. Dean nods to himself and then gets up to look into his dresser.

“Flannel, Flannel and oh surprise, Flannel.” Dean mutters quietly while he throws them onto his bed. Castiel wrote down, that he doesn’t like his style of clothing, so Dean is pretty sure he talks about his flannels. He called him a lumberjack before.

Finally at the bottom of the drawer he finds something different than flannels, band-shirts and his henleys. Dean sighs. It’s a white dress-shirt and he only wore it for a case before and even than under a suit, but maybe Castiel would be happier about this than his normal stuff.

Dean takes out some jeans, since he doesn’t really want to wear his suit pants as well and he figures jeans are always nice, right? He dresses slowly and then looks into the mirror. He feels a bit uncomfortable, but he would get used to it.

“Okay step one, done.” Dean says and he even tucks the shirt in. So weird, but he doesn’t look too bad. What else could he do? Maybe he could look into Sam’s stuff in the bathroom and find something to cover his freckles.

It’s kinda embarrassing, that he actually thinks about doing this, but he really likes Castiel and maybe the fallen angel could finally see that Dean is worth something, too.

“Remember, you deserve this, nobody wants to be with some person like you. Not even your best friend likes those things about you, so you can at least try.” Dean says again and again to himself on his way to the bathroom. Sam has his own sink and there are a dozen things around it.

It takes Dean almost thirty minutes to understand what the hell Sammy, has in his bags. Lots of hair products as well, but Dean doesn't use those. Sam would throw a fit, if he sees that Dean touched his stuff already.

In the end he even finds some makeup and while he wants to laugh at Sam for it, he carefully takes it out of one of the bags. He remembers being in that weird as fuck universe, where people actually put makeup on him. He hated it back then, he doesn’t want to be a painted whore again.

“Then again everyone always made fun of your freckles.” Dean says quietly, when he looks into his mirror. Only his mother really liked them and she would always tell Dean freckles where kisses from Angels. Dean had loved that story, even though he always pretend to hate it, when John or Sam brought it up.

And the kids in his school loved to laugh at him as well. Dean knows how cruel children can be now, but back then when he was only ten years old and his whole class laughed at him? He ran home and for the first time in his life, he was glad when John arrived and drove with them to just another city.

“Dean?” Sam knocks on the door and Dean hastily puts everything back, where it belongs. He used only a bit of the makeup but it really covers up all his freckles. They are still there, but not as bad as before.

“Coming!” Dean yells back and then straightens his collar again. He doesn’t look too different to be honest, but the small changes are obviously there. He tries to smile at his reflection, but it looks weird.

“What took you so long?” Sam asks, but he raises his eyebrows, when he sees Dean coming out of the bathroom. Dean just shrugs and he really hopes the damn makeup would cover up his blush as well.

“Nothing.” Dean says shortly and he shakes his head, when Sam opens his mouth. Dean just walks towards the garage and he is glad when Sam follows him, without asking a million questions.

“Cas is already waiting.” Sam only says, when they enter the garage and yeah there is Castiel leaning against Baby. Normally Dean would’ve barked at him for that, but he swallows the words down.

“Hey Cas.” Dean says and he tries to smile all confidently at the fallen angel. Castiel looks up and he seems to be speechless for a second. Dean’s smile grows. Maybe Castiel really likes this!

“Dean, what are you wearing?” Castiel asks and he frowns in his adorable way. Dean just winks at him.

“I know, I look great.” Dean says and he hopes nobody calls him out about his faked confidence. Sam doesn’t  say anything and just gets into the car. Dean shrugs at that and turns around to walk to the driver seat.

“You look different.” Castiel says and Dean ignores it. He doesn’t want to talk about it in front of Sam. Just as Dean sits down, he hears how Castiel opens the back door. It makes a horrible noise when the door whacks against the wall.

It’s completely quiet. Normally Dean would already be swearing and yelling, since his poor Baby got hurt, but this time Dean tries to remain calm. He just grips his steering wheel so tight, his knuckles turn white.

“Dean?” Sam asks quietly, while Castiel hastily closes the door.

“It’s okay. Just a car, am I right? Car’s get scratches all the time.” Dean says and it sounds so fake, but he even smiles at Castiel through the rearview mirror. Castiel and Sam don’t answer him, so Dean just starts the car.

He would totally fix her tonight, when Castiel and Sam would be asleep already. His poor Baby, Dean had just done a neat paint job to her doors last week. But he would just do it again.

“Are you alright?” Sam asks when they drive out of the garage and Dean nods. He tries to remember the list. What else was on there? Oh right!

“Of course I am.” Dean answers and he pushes a few buttons on the car radio. It takes him a while, but he does find a radio station that plays the latest charts.

Dean doesn’t know a single song, but at least that means he couldn't start to sing to it. He even stops humming when he catches himself doing it.

“No rock music?” Castiel asks from the back and Dean shakes his head.

“Nah, think it’s time for a change, right? I know you two love this kind of music.” Dean says, even though he isn’t really sure if Castiel likes music at all. He had taken the mixtape back, when he wanted to return it to Dean, but that doesn’t mean that he listens to it.

“Okay.” Sam says slowly, but he says it, as if nothing is okay actually. Dean rolls his eyes, but then he remembers that could count as childish and he just turns the music a bit louder.

The rest of the drive, nobody says anything and Dean is already getting a headache from the voice of those musicians or whatever they are meant to be. He wants his rock music back, but he could listen to it later alone.

“Wait, what about this diner!” Castiel says and Dean looks to his right, when he sees that Castiel is pointing in that direction. The diner looks nice enough and Dean drives towards the parking lot.

“I have never been here before.” Sam admits, when they get out of the car and Dean agrees, but as Castiel already points out, it looks really great. Dean straightens his collar again and then follows them towards the diner.

“Oh wow.” Sam says, when he opens the door and Dean tries to see something over his shoulder. Castiel is grinning a bit too and Dean pushes Sam to his side. The diner looks awesome. It’s kinda decorated with superhero stuff and there is even a big batman statue in the corner.

“Dean look!” Castiel says and he points at said Batman. Dean would love to go over and take a picture, but he doesn’t feel that would be a very good idea. So he just nods and then searches for a free table.

“Seriously what is going on with you today? You love Batman.” Sam says, when he follows Dean to the table. Dean frowns when Castiel sits down opposite from him. Great now he really has to concentrate, not to stare at Castiel again.

“Yeah but I’m kinda hungry.” Dean tries to avoid the conversation and grabs himself a menu card. There are some awesome burgers on it and Dean’s belly grumbles quitely, just from reading it.

“Oh they have a whole card just for salads!” Sam says happily and Dean eyes the tiny red card on the table. He looks back to Castiel, who seems to be a bit lost in his own menu and Dean sighs.

“Hello, what can I do for you?” Their waitress asks and Sam orders himself a salad, that Dean can’t even pronounce. Castiel orders a burger with chicken and even more salad on the side and Dean…

“I would like uhm… the same as him.” Dean says and he nods over to Castiel. He would still get a burger at least, even if it’s chicken and not meat. And the salad? Well he could do it. He looks sadly at the picture of fries on the menu card and closes it.

“Dean.” Castiel says and Dean smiles up at him. Maybe Castiel realizes how hard Dean is trying to be good for him.

“Yes, Cas?” Dean asks back and plays with the silverware that is already on the table. He needs to remind himself, that he actually uses it for his burger. Luckily he needs it anyway for his salad.

“I’m a bit worried about you.” Castiel says and he looks sad. Dean bites down on his under lip, when Castiel stares at him. He can’t look back and get lost in those blue eyes again. Castiel doesn’t seem to like the staring matches, so he looks at his hands.

“I’m fine. Really, I’m better than ever.” Dean says and he tries to sound happy, even though he feels too cold in his dress shirt now and his face kinda itches, too.

“You seem a bit off.” Sam tries it carefully, but Dean only glares at him. After that they both try not to talk to him again. Dean relaxes a bit and when the waitress brings the food, Dean takes his cutlery and starts to eat.

He is being very careful and actually eat as slowly, as Sam always does. It’s weird, but Castiel smiles a bit, when he looks to Dean and Dean is pleased at that. Seems like Castiel now registers the change.

“How is the burger?” Castiel asks and Dean swallows, before he answers.

“It’s really good. I think we should come here more often.” Dean answers and maybe he could get a date with Castiel this time. Castiel just nods and Dean drinks another sip of his water. Ugh. He hates the non-existent taste.

“So we didn’t have a hunt the last weeks.” Dean says between some bites and he keeps on his mind, to swallow before speaking. Sam beside him nods and even Castiel looks up again.

“You found a new one?” Castiel asks and he sounds a bit alarmed. Dean shakes his head, he hadn’t even looked for any hunts the last days. Instead he had thought how he could impress Castiel.

“Nah. I was thinking if maybe...you know, we should take a real break. Do something nice for once, like a… vacation.” Dean says and Sam’s fork falls to the ground. Dean frowns at him.

“You want to stop hunting?” Sam asks, when he gets his fork back and Dean slowly shakes his head. Sure Castiel had written down, that he hates that Dean will never give it up, but he can’t just… stop.

But maybe taking small vacations would be a good start.

“No. I’m just talking about taking some break in between.” Dean says and Castiel tilts his head again. Dean is sure that he would read Dean’s thoughts now, if he was still an angel.

“A break would be good maybe.” Castiel says quietly and even Sam doesn’t say anything else. Dean is proud of himself. Besides the bowlegs, he did almost change everything about him and he can’t really get surgery for that, right? Maybe Castiel could ignore that point.

“Someone want dessert?” Sam changes the topic after he is already finished with his tiny salad. Dean doesn’t understand how such a tall guy, eats so little. Then again he already  feels full, too. Maybe it’s because he tried to eat so slowly.

“I saw they have some good pie here!” Castiel says happily and he points over to the counter. Dean licks his lips, when he sees some glorious cherry pie on top of it, but he shakes his head.

“Nah I’m good.” Dean says and he wipes his mouth clean with his napkin. Castiel looks at Sam and both seems to have a conversation without saying anything. Dean frowns.

“Okay I’ll go pay then. You two want to go outside?” Sam asks and he gets up to the counter. Dean looks at the Batman again and sighs sadly. He would come back another time then, Charlie would’ve loved that picture.

“So what do you think Cas…” Dean starts to say, when they are outside, but Castiel uses the moment he has his back to him and actually pushes Dean against his car. Dean smacks his head at the roof and groans.

“Who the hell are you and where is Dean?” Castiel growls into his ear, while he presses Dean between himself and the car. Dean blinks a few times and he is sure there is some blood dripping down his left eyebrow.

“Cas - what the fuck!” Dean tries, but Castiel only presses harder against him and Dean’s head pounds from the pain.

“You have one more chance, before I smite you right here.” Castiel says and he sound so angry. Dean is feeling dizzy and it’s hard to keep his eyes open. He can hear footsteps and want to say something, but his tongue doesn’t work.

“It’s okay Cas. I have the holy water and also the knife.” Sam says and when he cuts over Dean’s arm, he finally passes out.

*

“Oh fuck.” Dean mutters, when he wakes up again. His head is still hurting like hell, he hadn’t thought that Castiel is actually this strong, but that was a very good move to pound his head against the car.

Dean is just not sure why he deserved that.

“Dean?”

Dean tries to open his eyes and when he does he can see Castiel again. When Castiel reaches out with his hand, Dean jerks a bit away and winces, when the pain gets worse. Castiel sighs.

“I’m really sorry, Dean.” Castiel tries it again and this time Dean holds still. Castiel carefully strokes over his cheek and Dean shudders under the sweet touch.

“What happened?” Dean chokes out and Castiel gets up from his chair, to get him something to drink. Dean slowly sits up and and accept the glass of water. This time it feels good on his throat.

“I uhm...knocked you out.” Castiel admits and he looks ashamed. Dean puts the glass on his nightstand and only realizes now that he is back in his own bed under his blanket.

“Yeah I think I remember that, but I still don’t understand why.” Dean looks down to his arm and sees the bandage around it. Oh yeah Sam had cut him, so maybe they tested him for being a creature. Great.

“We thought you were a demon or something.” Castiel says then and Dean snorts, but that kinda hurts his head, so he stops. He can understand that his brother and Castiel thought that, but it still frustrated him. He just wanted to change for the better.

“I’m not.” Dean says and Castiel nods. He looks still worried and then he gets up again. Dean watches him while Castiel goes over to his dresser. He isn’t sure what Castiel wants there, but Dean would love to finally get out of his damn dress-shirt.

“We know. Sam tested everything and then we bought you back here. I’m really sorry Dean, but you worried me with your behaviour today...” Castiel says and Dean wants to protest and tell him that he just wanted to be better, when Castiel holds something up.

And oh god, it’s the list.

“..and then I find this on your bed.” Castiel finishes and he is still with his back towards Dean, who looks down at his hands, in case that Castiel turns around to him.

“I found it, when I was washing your clothes the other day and… I read it.” Dean finishes lamely and Castiel doesn't say anything for a very long time. Dean is too afraid to check, if he is still there.

“And you decide to actually change your whole being, like the idiot you are?” Castiel says and he sounds pretty angry now, unlike he did when Dean woke up just minutes ago. Dean blushes even more.

“I thought you would be happy about it.” Dean says quietly and Castiel isn’t even looking at him. Dean feels worse with every second. No matter what he does, it’s never good enough. He wasn’t good enough for his Dad, not good enough to save the world, and now not good enough for Castiel.

“Happy. Not really.” Castiel says and he sounds so frustrated and angry and it somehow feels even worse than the time he declined the date with Dean. When Castiel doesn’t say more, Dean sniffs quietly.

When the first drop falls down on his blanket, Dean wipes over his face and he can’t help the next tears that fall, when he sees the damn makeup on his hand. He hates all of this.

No matter what he tries, Castiel doesn’t want him. He should just get over it and move on.

“Dean?” Castiel asks now and Dean keeps his gaze down. Castiel comes back to the bed and sits on the edge of it. Dean sniffs again, but he wouldn’t let Castiel see the tears of shame.

“Leave it.” Dean snaps angrily, but Castiel is having none of it and he even takes Dean’s hand in his own. He takes a washcloth, that was lying next to Dean and carefully cleans his hand.

Dean doesn’t say anything, too ashamed.

“Why did you do this, Dean?” Castiel asks and he puts his fingers under Dean’s chin. Dean finally looks up, but closes his eyes, when the next tears fall down. Castiel looks so disappointed.

“You hate my freckles.” Dean whispers and Castiel sounds like he is choking on his spit. Dean wants the ground to swallow him up or maybe for Sam to walk in on them now.

“Dean, that is not true.” Castiel says and now Dean has to open his eyes. Castiel looks very serious, his blue eyes shining.

“But your list…” Dean tries and Castiel tilts his head. He carefully takes his hand away from Dean’s chin and he wasn’t aware, that Castiel was still touching him. Castiel takes the paper and opens it again.

Dean wishes he would’ve never have to see the list again.

“Dean when you asked me to join you to dinner a few weeks ago, what were your intentions?” Castiel asks now and Dean frowns. Why is this important now, when his best friend has a list with things he hates about him.

“I… wanted to date you.” Dean forces out and immediately Castiel’s whole expression changes. He even smiles sadly and then reaches out for Dean again. Dean wants to jerk away again, but Castiel just puts his hand against Dean’s cheek.

“I thought you wanted just to have a dinner between friends and since I don’t want to fall even more for you, I declined.” Castiel explains and Dean’s eyes widen. He is sure that he is already imagining things.

“Fall for me?” Dean asks quietly and Castiel’s thumb strokes over his skin.

“Of course and I mean this in every sense Dean. The list you saw doesn’t contain things I hate about you. It’s actually the complete opposite.” Castiel whispers and Dean stops breathing for a second.

Has he heard that right?

When Castiel continues to stare so warmly at him, Dean blushes under his gaze, but he tries to be a bit more confident and turns his head a bit into Castiel’s hand so he can press a kiss against the heel of his hand.

“I love you.” Castiel says and Dean isn’t sure what he should answer. Sure, he wants to say it as well, but he is really surprised. Castiel just smiles and then takes his hand away, instead he puts the list on Dean’s lap.

“I really thought you hated me for all of this. That you wanted us to stay friends.” Dean mutters and he carefully strokes over the paper. He doesn’t know how many times he already had it in his hands, but for the first time, it feels good.

“I never wanted to be just friends.” Castiel says and Dean nods. He didn’t either.

Castiel taps at one of the bullet points.

“You know I enjoy it a lot when you make your love about pie known. You are so passionate about it and the smile on your face is the most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen.” Castiel says slowly and Dean blushes under the words.

“I really wanted to eat the cherry pie.” Dean says and Castiel laughs. He points over to the other night table and there is actually some pie on a plate on top of it.

“Sam felt very bad and offered to get you some pie while you were still knocked out.” Castiel explains and Dean licks his lips. He smiles shyly, when he sees how Castiel’s eyes follow the movement.

“I would even share it with you.” Dean offers and Castiel’s smile is breathtaking. He looks down at the list again and points at the next sentence.

“Even though you really have no table manners, I think it’s endearing how you eat your food. It was very confusing to see you use your silverware for a burger.” Castiel smiles and Dean ducks his head.

“I was trying to be polite.” Dean says but his whole face is burning already. Castiel just chuckles again.

“I know that now, but please I want you like you are, even with your non-existent table manners and your love for unhealthy food.” Castiel explains and Dean nods. He is glad that Castiel doesn’t really hate that about him.

“You love burgers yourself.” Dean says and Castiel nods.

“I love the burgers you make the most.” Castiel admits and Dean smiles back at him. He really loves to cook and if Castiel liked it, then it would be even more fun to cook for him in the future.

“So, no green food for me?” Dean wants to know and Castiel snorts.

“Well it wouldn’t do you bad if you eat a salad sometimes.” Castiel says and Dean knows that Castiel is right. Maybe he would listen to that for once.

“Okay, for you, I eat the disgusting stuff.” Dean winks and Castiel turns very serious again. Dean fucked it up in only a few minutes, but Castiel shakes his head.

“As I said Dean. I don’t want you to change for me. I like you the way your are. Even with your unhealthy affiliation to your car.” Castiel says and Dean snickers.

“Are you jealous of her?” Dean asks and he scoots over a bit to Castiel. Just when their thighs touch, Castiel sits down really on the bed and leans back against the headboard, just like Dean is doing. Now their legs are touching all the way.

“Maybe.” Castiel says and Dean laughs.

“Well I can assure you, she is only second place.” Dean says and this is the closest phrase to a love confession he ever said out loud. Castiel’s blue eyes are wide now, but he also relaxes against the headboard.

“That is good to know. Okay let's discuss the next point so you understand why I made this list in the first place. I love it when you are a bit playful and even childish. I could see that you really wanted to look at the Batman earlier.” Castiel explains and Dean shrugs.

“He was pretty cool. I wanted to take a selfie, but I thought you would hate that.” Dean admit and Castiel laughs a bit.

“Maybe we can drive back there this weekend and take a picture with him together?” Castiel asks and Dean still feels a bit surprised at that. It sounds like a date and Dean would love nothing more.

“Even with my loud music on the drive there?” Dean teases a bit and Castiel puts his hand on Dean’s thigh.

“Of course. I enjoy our car rides a lot and my loveliest memories are when you quietly sang to your favorite songs.” Castiel says and Dean frowns.

“Sometimes I do yell to the songs.” Dean says and Castiel snorts loudly.

“Yeah and you can’t sing, but I love it anyway. I still listen to your mixtape every time I go to sleep.” Castiel says and Dean pouts, but then he registers the second part of Castiel’s explanation.

“You do? You have to promise me to never show it to Sam!” Dean says hastily, because when he had actually gave it to Castiel he had just thrown it at him, before leaving the room, before Castiel could ask questions.

“Of course not. You only sang them for me, I do understand that now. How could I ever believe you wanted to stay friends?” Castiel says and Dean cuddles a bit against him. His head is still hurting, but even before that he was just in denial, like Castiel.

“Took all my courage to ask you out.” Dean whispers and Castiel strokes over his arm, where the dress-shirt starts to itch.

“Not that you don’t look hot in this, but I prefer your flannels, even if you look like a lumberjack. You’re my lumberjack and I bet it’s much more comfortable to cuddle in those.” Castiel says and Dean looks back to the list.

At first he wants to object to the cuddling, but then he realizes they actually are already. Dean swallows. He really likes this.

“Yeah… I uhm...would like that.” Dean admits and Castiel presses a kiss to Dean’s head. Dean sighs happily and puts his head on Castiel’s shoulder.

“What about the hunting part?” Dean wants to know, when Castiel takes the list in his hands again. Castiel is quiet for a moment and he seems to really think about his answer.

“I know that we will never give up the hunting. There will always be some evil monster, who will want to destroy the world, but I’m okay with it, as long as you are by my side.” Castiel says and Dean puts his hand over Castiel’s.

“I won’t leave.” Dean promises and Castiel nods.

“Do you know I’m actually glad you didn’t try to change your bowlegs?” Castiel says then and he actually giggles. Dean pouts to himself, but then Castiel’s finger carefully stroke over his legs.

“I didn’t want a surgery.” Dean says lamely and Castiel laughs again.

“Well I’m pretty sure we’ll find a way to bow them even a little bit more.” Castiel says and Dean gasps loudly. He had never thought Castiel could be this forward, but he kinda likes it. Castiel laughs and Dean can’t help it, he laughs as well.

“Sounds like a plan.” Dean says quietly and he feels how Castiel moves a bit, before he leaves the bed. Dean wants to whine, but he catches himself in the act and Castiel comes back with another washcloth.

“First we need to get rid of this disgusting makeup.” Castiel says and he wipes Dean’s face clean. His smile is very soft, when he is finished and now the blush on Dean’s cheek should be very obvious.

“Better?” Dean asks a bit ashamed and Castiel nods.

“Beautiful.” Castiel says and he sounds so honest, that Dean just takes the compliment, without disagreeing. Castiel leans closer and just as Dean closes his eyes, he kisses him softly on his cheek.

“Never hide them again.” Castiel whispers against Dean’s skin and Dean nods. When he opens his eyes, Castiel is still very close and then just like always, Dean can’t look away.

He doesn’t know how long they stare at each other, just taking the other one in, but then Dean takes a deep breath.

“I love you, too.” Dean says and Castiel is still staring. Only at those words he snaps out of it and smiles widely. Dean looks down to his lips and Castiel doesn’t hesitate. He just grabs Dean at his collar and kisses him.

Dean kisses him back and for a moment he forgets the whole word around him, then Castiel breaks the kiss.

“So, not just friends?” Dean asks a bit shyly and Castiel shakes his head.

I like lovers more. So do I get a list, too about what you love about me?” Castiel asks cheekily and Dean snorts.

Yeah maybe he should do that.

[wellhalesbells]

If you have the time and if you don't mind, what are some books you really recommend? Doesn't have to be all time faves, but anything that pops into mind that you want more ppl to read and love, Extra points if lgbt+ , i got the whole summer with little to do and i wanna spend it reading some good quality writing and honestly so far your recs have introduced me to so many faves its unbelievable

[blushes profusely] oh wow, thank you!!!  i’m so glad you’ve trusted me enough to check out some of the stuff i reblog; that is like the ultimate compliment, i can’t even???  i don’t mind at all(!), fair warning though: i only started recording what i read partway through last year and my mind is like a sieve so i’ll do my absolute best to remember what’s sang to me in the recent past.  warning number two: i’m in an open relationship with absolutely every genre out there so i’ll try to note which belongs where so you can avoid those that hold no interest for you.

LGBT+

i’ll give you the sun.  i loved this book, the writing is fucking transformative and all the characters are so damn likable, while still being realistically flawed human beings.

the raven cycle (tetralogy).  definitely my favorite series since harry potter.  the writing, the world-building, the characters, it’s all on top-form.  i wrote a little, mini non-spoilery review of it: here, back when i was better (worse?) wordly-wise and my feels were brand new.

more happy than not.  i’m still not sure how i feel about this book.  it was hard, but it felt very true to the characters and the lingo and style matched the ages of the players and i have a lot of respect for that.

the watchmaker of filigree street.  woooow i loved this book.  i admit ‘historical fiction’ kind of makes me cringe.  it never precludes me from reading a book but it does knock it down the list by a book or five because they’re often very dense and very clunky and end up taking me ages to get through.  but this one was gorgeous.  i loved the plot, the attention lovingly placed on every character and the historical elements.  the surprise gay in an already brilliant book felt like winning the lottery honestly.

captive prince (trilogy).  okay, truthfully, i’m only putting this on here because the second book is such a high point for me.  it was never bad at any point but it had unfortunately been hyped far too much for it to live up to my, admittedly, very high expectations.  hopefully it’ll fare better with you?

everything i never told you.  i go back and forth on this one.  i like the writing a lot, i like the LGBT aspect a lot, and i like the mystery aspect a lot but there are definitely characters i would cut out entirely for sheer predictability if i could and that killed a lot of my enjoyment at the time (but i think much more highly of it in retrospect?).  so, take that as you like.

aristotle and dante discover the secrets of the universe.  if there’s a book that handles its characters with more care or respect or consideration then i haven’t run into it.  i love the way this is written and the people it’s populated with.

flying lessons & other stories.  a bunch of uber talented authors writing a bunch of uber diverse and LGBT-focused stories and, yes, that is exactly as awesome as it sounds.

the song of achilles.  it is utterly heart-breaking but so rich, honestly.

FANTASY

the diviners.  (also has a minor LGBT character, who may play a bigger role in the sequel?)  fair warning, i have not read the sequel, lair of dreams, because it is somehow still not out in paperback (yes, i read physical books, yes, i pretty exclusively read paperbacks so i can lug them everywhere with me, YES, I PRE-ORDERED THIS ALMOST TWO YEARS AGO AND IT’S STILL NOT OUT, NOT THAT I’M BITTER ABOUT THAT OR ANYTHING) so i can’t speak to that one finishing on a high note as i don’t know.  but this was the first historical novel i managed to like in a long while.  it does such a good job of fusing in 1920s lingo and dress and aspects that i couldn’t help but love it.  add in the fantasy elements and i can admit i’m the perfect sucker for it.

the scorpio races.  i’m not sure why but it took me a long-ass time to get into this book, i wasn’t flipping pages with gusto until well towards the end but - especially as i was reading so much YA at the time - i really appreciated coming across a romance that lets both people come into it as themselves and stay themselves, neither puck nor sean were ever smashed or crumpled or shaved away to fit into their relationship, which was so refreshing.  plus the water horses were fucking cool.

the night circus.  the writing, the atmosphere, the circus.  just… it is all very whoa.

all the birds in the sky.  i loved this writing style and these characters and the magical elements.

CONTEMPORARY

i’ll meet you there.  there was something about this and i just… ended up liking it way more than i expected to.  i might’ve just read it at exactly the right time, i’m not sure, but i really enjoyed it.

the invoice.  this is honestly just hella cute and so freaking surreal.  swedes, man.

NON-FICTION

why not me?  i like mindy kaling a lot.  i make no apologies for that.  plus you can read both her books in about five seconds, haha.

SCIENCE FICTION

station eleven.  i loved this book.  the way the narrative is woven is so refreshing and i wish the comic book miranda was writing in this book was a real thing more than anything else in the woooorld.

illuminae.  hot DAMN this book was cool.  the plot was rock solid, the characters were hilarious and badass and the graphics made out of text and spiraling words and just the way this thing is put together?  shit, it’s worth your money and then some.

a robot in the garden.  okay this is just cute as hell.  i can’t even with tang, he’s the most adorable robot to ever adorable.

annihilation (southern reach trilogy).  (LGBT minor characters.)  okay, honestly?  i don’t know.  this was freaking zany but i was invested as fuck in all the kookiness for reasons i can’t articulately elaborate on.

the martian.  hilarious, engaging, SPACE.  what more do you want?

HORROR

things we lost in the fire.  this is more atmospheric than anything but, damn, could this get me wishing i wasn’t reading this in the dark or looking over my shoulder to make absolutely sure no one was standing behind me.  it’s a book of short stories (by the way, i love books of short stories and i definitely realize that is not true for everyone) and each one is so well-delivered and stylized.  i really enjoyed reading this.

let the right one in.  okay, this is legit horror so definitely stay away if you’re easily squicked out but it is harrrrrd to find good horror (at least in my opinion) and this definitely, definitely qualifies.

horrorstör.  i honestly had such low expectations for this, a horror story set in a wannabe-ikea, but it ended up being so ridiculous and strange and funny that i was won over by the finish.

the girl with all the gifts.  holy unique and well-executed zombie idea, batman!

SHORT STORIES

the bigness of the world.  there were definitely ones here that hit better than others but the ones i liked, i really��liked!

GRAPHIC NOVELS (i read a lot of these so, um, prepare yourself)

saga.  (LGBT minor characters as well.)  this is world-building to a degree that i’m convinced did not exist before.  just, i can’t say enough amazing things about this series and the staggering amount of imagination that regularly goes into it.

ms. marvel.  heart-warming as fuck.  it’s definitely really easy to lose faith in the world these days, luckily kamala is there to remind you that people are primarily and genuinely good.

black science.  this is another one that took just an insane amount of imagination to cook up.  i got off to kind of a rocky start with this one but the gray-ness of all the characters really speaks to me, and that doesn’t really blossom until later in the series.

spider-man/deadpool.  this was very satisfying for my super duper spideypool-shipping mind.  joe and ed did us so good, and joe basically said in his sign-off: i made it absolutely as gay as they would let me, haha.

the wicked + the divine.  (LGBT minor characters that you’re going to get way too attached to, and retroactively.  it’s awful [sobs].)  the concept for this, gods reincarnating into teenagers before they burn up their hosts after a predetermined set of time, is so fucking cool.  the humor and the characters and the plot is all just aces.

iceman (LGBT MAIN CHARACTER).  okay, so this just started.  like issue #2 was only released days ago but 1) i am liking it so far and 2) marvel did it so dirty and barely advertised bobby - an openly homosexual superhero - was getting his own series, like, i found out about it the day before it went on sale and i keep my ear fairly close to the ground (not as close as some BY A LOT, but closer than the lay person i’d say) so if you can support it, please do!  pre-orders mean a lot in terms of numbers. :))))

descender.  admittedly, this starts out rooough.  because the main character, TIM-21 (and his little dog too), are annoying as hell.  he’s an android so there’s no dimension to him so he’s booooring as all get out but i am so glad i stuck with it through to the next trade because, probably picking up on the unsustainability of him as a main character, he gets shuffled off and the side characters get the stage and they rock so hard.

paper girls. (LGBT main characters.)  i’m kind of just convinced that brian k. vaughan can do no wrong at this point.  his plots are so tight and mind-blowing and badass.

monstress.  here’s a little tid-bit about me: female comic book writers are 100% more likely to get my money and my time because they are so damn rare and this series is unique, badass, and eye-opening.

black monday murders.  i’m a little premature with this since there’s only one volume and i usually try to wait until there are at least two but i check up on a volume two a lot so that definitely means something intrigued me!

nailbiter.  okay, i haven’t read the final volume yet ‘cause i’m reluctant to let it go but, so far, a series about multiple serial killers all being from the same town has me VERY HOOKED.

i wish i could remember more but this is honestly way better than i expected to do, haha.  they’re definitely not all my all-time faves but they’re ones that have stuck with me for one reason or another and that i didn’t feel i wasted my time on, so that’s something, right?  i hope this helps get you started and that you don’t think too awfully of me when you inevitably run across ones that aren’t your cup of tea!

[meganmazing]

fics i read while on vacation

I went to australia to visit family last week, and boy oh boy are layovers and delays a joy - especially when you are not a person who easily sleeps on planes. To cope, I ended up downloading a bunch of long fics and binge read them all. The hardest part was just picking a few (lol) of what I read for this list.

Here are some of the ones I loved the most. They’re mostly cherik but there’s also a klance, a drarry, and a stony or two (or three) because those pairings are like my comfort food when it comes to fanfiction, and I needed that the past two weeks (hello, canceled flights and difficult support staff). These are also all rated either Mature or Explicit, so if that’s your thing, join me. This is a long one.

As always, if you want more recs from a whole host of pairings and more nonsensical gushing about why I love them, check out my bookmarks on my ao3: megamazing. All links below go to the ao3 version of the work. Click the titles for the link even if the little line doesn’t show up under them. And don’t forget to leave kudos for the authors and share the love!

CHERIK

No Longer in Silence by Black_Betty  26k  Rating: E

It has been eight years since Charles has seen Erik. Eight years since they parted under unkind circumstances and Erik went off to sea. The boy he once knew is Captain Lehnsherr now and they are as known to one another as strangers, and yet--Charles finds that eight years has done nothing to diminish the feelings he had when he was 16 and in love.

It's unfortunate then that Erik doesn't feel the same way.

(Persuasion AU)

The writing in this is incredible, truly. It’s in Charles’ perspective and the emotion coming from him throughout this one kills me in the worst and best ways. And Erik, my utter love. It’s based on Persuasion, so it’s Jane Austen, so you know damn well that there will be misunderstandings galore, and yet...

I usually avoid non-powered AU like the plague, but I gave this a shot and I am so, so glad that I did. Regardless of whether you like/know the story it’s based on, you will fall in love. It is heartwarmingly romantic, and still earns it’s rating in the end. This is a forever-rec, fit for everyone, and i will be shouting it from the rooftops forever.

Tessellation by nekosmuse  116k+  Rating: E

He had been following Xavier's career for years. He had read and reread and reread again everything the man had written. He had tried, on more occasions than he could count, to recruit Xavier into the Brotherhood, but each request for a meeting had been denied. Aside from his work, no one knew anything about Xavier. Not what he looked like, not the full extent of his power--though from what little they did know, he was by far the most powerful telepath in existence--and not what his intentions were.

The man was a recluse. As far as Magneto knew, Xavier had never once stepped foot outside his impenetrable Westchester manor. And now he was scheduled as the keynote speaker for the largest pro-mutant conference in the world.

This is the novel length cherik AU fic you didn’t know you needed. To be fair, I do not read many fics involving Genosha, but I may be reconsidering my preferences after this one because I WAS IN LOVE. It deals not only with all the romance/love/fluff/banter I adore with cherik, but it really gets into Charles and his disability as well as his relationship/history with alcohol. The relationship feels so genuine and believable that I was smiling and aching for these two by turns. I also love Emma in this? More Emma in fics, please.

Mutually Beneficial Transaction by Pookaseraph  41k+  Rating: E

In his sophomore year at Columbia University, Erik, feeling slowly strangled by his mounting college debt, places an add on a sugar daddies website. He doesn't know exactly what to expect from it, but when he's contacted by a man named Charles who seems less creepy than the other people who have responded to his profile, he decides to give it a shot. Charles is nothing like what he expected, and Erik finds himself slowly falling in love with his sugar daddy while trying to find out exactly what caused this amazing guy to buy his emotional and sexual intimacy when he clearly deserves so much more than that.

Pulled straight from the highly emotional comment I left on the fic immediately after reading: “This story is fucking fantastic. In every way. I usually steer clear of non-powered AUs, but holy shit I am so glad I clicked on this one. I'm in love with their love and you wrote this so fucking beautifully my emotions are all over the place. I will rec this until I die. All the love and kudos to you <3″ Here is me, holding up my end of the rec’ing bargain. I was in A State after finishing this story, if you couldn’t tell. The relationship between our boys here is so complicated and vastly different from what I've read before.  

If you are looking for sexy humor and angst for days, then look no further. I wanted to hug them both, constantly. They needed it.

Urban Legend by toesohnoes  10k+  Rating: M

They say that if you stand in front of a mirror and say his name three times Magneto will appear. Charles has never believed in urban legends and he's never been capable of turning down a dare.

Urban Legend was downright mesmerizing. It reads kind of like a campfire story (but with M rated bits, so maybe not one for the kiddies), and the atmosphere it created was elegantly creepy. Because i came in already loving Eric, part of me was rooting for him and Charles, while the other half was screaming for Charles to GTFO.

You Know My Name by dvs  11k+   Rating: M

Erik and Charles are spies with something in common.

Look. I know this isn't a Man From U.N.C.L.E. fic, but it gave me MFU feels and it does the Cherik relationship beautifully, so it pretty much has it all. Erik is Bond, Charles is charming, and I am craving more of this universe. It’s fast paced and from Erik’s POV, and tbh I just found the whole thing dangerously sexy. Plus, the plotty bits were right up my alley.

Tale As Old As Time by madneto  44k+   Rating: M

Charles is a bibliophile living with his stepbrother in a remote village. Erik is a lonely prince with an affliction he doesn't know how to control. Logan is the greatest hunter in the whole world.

Pretty much what it says on the tin. If you've seen Disney's "Beauty and the Beast" you know pretty much exactly what you're getting into. Lots of fluff.

So, you may or may not know I love Beauty and the Beast. And yet somehow, despite that, I wasn’t totally convinced that I was going to love this fic. WRONG. I was so wrong to doubt. It was everything you want out of this kind of AU, while still holding true to Charles and Erik. The story feels very much like it’s own thing, which is so important to me in AU stories. I also love the way the author played with mutations and the curse. I desperately want to give more specifics, but I feel like it would spoil things? Which is weird for a AU this well-known, but I really felt like this author made it their own.

Final quick mention: Love Runs Out by ikeracity   24k+   Rating: M

Just yes. This is one of my absolute favorite modern!AU with powers fics. It's just so sweet and loving and it makes me happy. Apartment complex neighbors, a whole host of mutants, and a community center that made me smile so much. You need a good, fluffy read every once in awhile, okay?

STONY

Rom-Commed By Fate (Or JARVIS) by leashy_bebes   14k+   Rating: E

The best thing about being an Artificial Intelligence is the ability to parse, filter and modify the things people say until you've got the cause to do exactly what you wanted in the first place. Or, in which JARVIS cock blocks Tony into having an actual relationship.

This has everything I love about stony in one form or another, and I was so jazzed to see that I hadn’t already read it! How I missed it, I have no idea. Steve’s characterization in particular really hit the nail on the head for me. It is so sweet (I am seriously understating the fluff here, trust me you will melt) and sexy, and like I said before, we all need some good, happy fics once in awhile. Break up the angst-fest with what I pretty much consider required reading for fans of stony. It’s like a little taste of everything there is to love, with minimal angst.

JARVIS is an honorary Avenger in my book, and I love the Avengers fam dynamics. Fight me.

Any Other Way of Loving by brandnewfashion  27k+   Rating: E

In which Steve is bad at dating, Tony isn’t, and neither of them are as subtle as they think.

I have re-read this one multiple times. Not even on purpose, just because I keep gravitating back to it somehow, and I love it more every single time. It’s fake dating, but is it? Totally. Maybe. Our boys are a bit slow on the uptake. I love their dialogue in this one. Bants for days. I will die on the hill of Tony Stark, and this fic has great Tony POV. Also, great pinning on both ends. (that sounds dirty, but I don’t actually mean it that way this time)

The Last Love Song of Anthony E. Stark by jibrailis   42k  Rating: E

After contracting an Asgardian virus, Tony starts forgetting things. And people. And Steve.

So if you read that summary above, you can probably guess that this one is not fluffy. There are wonderfully heartwarming and heart-wrenching moments that make you feel all the things, but I don’t think I would call it fluffy. It’s Tony POV all the way, and that makes the pain even worse! This story is so good. The writing is spot-on, and the style of storytelling had me hooked.  

Wanna feel pain and sadness and read a really moving story that has a genuine plot? What if I told you that there are also sexytimes, and pinning, and on-point jokes and moments that hurt my heart and melted it at the exact same time? Not convinced? Asgard roadtrip. With Loki and Sif. Also, Steve loves Animal Crossing. Did I mention the sexytimes?

Specifically, I found the way that Tony dealt with everything happening to be completely accurate for the character, and the same goes for Steve, Loki and Sif. And stony low-key feels until they are very much no longer low-key. But the memory loss hits you harder every time, and the aspect of unreliable narration absolutely killed it.

DRARRY

Reparatio by astolat   17k+   Rating: E

Draco snorted. “I’m not reduced to penury. I want something considerably beyond money, and I rather think you’re the only one can give it to me.”

“You want the Invisibility Cloak,” Harry said, flatly. He’d half expected as much; it was the only thing he had that Draco could want—

“Don’t be stupid, Potter,” Draco said. “I want my reputation back.”

It’s that thing that looks like fake dating, but is really, really not. You know what I’m talking about. It also looks like friends with benefits, but who are they kidding? Not me. Barely even kidding themselves, and even then it’s not for very long. Draco and Harry banter fuels me. This one is Harry POV, and it’s very well done. Draco is also cunning and strategic, which so many people tend to drop off in favor of just making him just a sassy prick, and I was so here for all of that. Pretty sure Harry was too, deep down.

The one thing that had me going, hmmmm, is that Ron and Hermione are not together, but there is no drama there so it’s really not a big enough deal to make me put it down. No character bashing, which is a must for me.  

KLANCE

Don’t Break Connection, Baby by princedeadend   38k+   Rating: M

Keith works part-time as a phone sex operator and receives a prank call from Lance. This does not go as planned for Lance. Thus begins the adventure of our dear sweet goofball continuing to call Keith to fuck with him (but not like fuck fuck with him...at least not yet). And y'know, eventually having legit conversations with him and getting attached and growing on Keith. Summaries are not my strong point, alright?

aka the phone sex operator fic no one asked for

Maybe no one asked for it, but I certainly needed it. This was one of those “why-not” clicks for me, since I don’t usually go for this kinda thing, but WHERE HAS THIS FIC BEEN ALL MY LIFE. I loved every second. The humor, the banter, the perfectly written sexytimes, and the awkwardness you just knew was gonna happen the minute you read the summary, were gorgeously timed and executed.

This is a rom-com in fic form, but a bit more graphic. Lance and Keith being happy and smile-y with each other is my kink. This fic also reminded me that phone sex is a great, great thing indeed. Not to mention, Lance has a bit of a praise kink? Sort of? Say what you want, I’m here for that.

[tonystarktogo]

If you have time could you write an ace Tony fic? It would mean a lot as I am asexual and almost never get any representation anywhere and it tends to make me feel more lonely. :( Anyways, thank you in advance.

To be honest you had me at ‘ace Tony’, anon :) You really can’t expect me to resist that. Seriously, I adore writing ace characters (like half the main characters in my non-fanfic works are ace, just because I can).

Since you didn’t specify on anything regarding the plot I just went with a short scene from one of my many not-ready-to-be-posted headcanon ‘verses. I hope it works for you and that this ficlet will make you feel a little better! Also I turned it into a Valentine’s story because I keep seeing these cute Valentine’s cards on my dash.

[Set in a College AU following the tale of Player!Bucky and Asexual!Tony trying to make it work. Today’s edition: Valentine’s Day. Including slight misunderstandings, declarations of love affection, fluff, and Bucky’s potty mouth.]

‘You know I’m ace, right?’ isn’t the reaction Bucky’s been hoping for, but it’s also not a door slammed shut in his face, so he counts it as a win.

Tony squints suspiciously at the roses in Bucky’s arms—yellow and red ones because those are his favourite colours, and Bucky is nothing if not a huge sap, apparently—and Bucky has no doubt the flowers will end up cut open on a lab table, to be thoroughly tested for any unsavourily additions, before the day is over.

He probably shouldn’t smile fondly at the cruel fate lying in these poor flowers’ future. He definitely shouldn’t.

Damn it. Nat’s right, he’s got it bad.

“Unless ace stands for ‘allergic to roses’ I fail to see your point.” Bucky smiles and hopefully holds the bouquet out for Tony to take. Because continuing to cling to them like a toddler to a plushy might look a little silly.

Tony refuses to take them though, crosses his arms in front of his chest instead and scowls up at Bucky. Which is not adorable, that would just be ridiculous.

“It’s Valentine’s Day,” Tony hisses, voice suspiciously high and fingers restlessly fiddling with the soft fabric of his sweater. “And you want to give me roses?” It sounds more like an accusation than a question. He’s visibly agitated, and Bucky wants to reach out and smooth out the furrowed lines on his forehead, except he isn’t so sure his touch would be welcomed right now.

“Yeah.” There’s no point in denying the obvious. And okay, maybe he’s a bit nervous about asking Tony out. A tiny little bit.

“I’m not sleeping with you!” Tony blurts before Bucky has the chance to say anything else—which, in all the scenarios he’s played through in his head multiple times, was admittedly not a reaction he’d anticipated—and promptly slams the door shut.

Bucky blinks in confusion, not entirely sure what just happened. 

But before he has time to come up with a reasonable reaction—like picking the cheap lock or fleeing for his life from Natasha’s inevitable wrath when she finds out he has messed up already—the door slowly opens again, revealing a sheepish Tony who’s chewing nervously on his bottom lip.

“You’re not actually here to proposition to me, are you?” he asks, well, mumbles, uncomfortably.

It feels a bit like a slap in the face, to think that after three months of friendship and steadfast support of Tony’s sexuality he’s still immediately jumping to the conclusion that what Bucky wants is sex. To be fair, that’s what Bucky did want, back when he approached the out-of-place looking genius at Clint’s party. But that had been a different situation altogether, it wasn’t like he’d known Tony back then, and—unlike certain fuckheads he could think of—he knew how to take a ‘no’.

Bucky doesn’t let those thoughts show on his face though. For one they would make Tony, who has a bad track-record of making other people comfortable at his own expense, feel horrible, and Bucky is self-aware enough to know that his assumption isn’t unjustified. Neither Tony’s exes nor Bucky’s reputation are of any help in that regard. For another the mere fact that Tony isn’t running, or at least has come back to get a clear answer on what his intentions are, is proof of how far they’ve come.

Tony might not trust him blindly the way he trusts Rhodes, but he does trust him, wants to believe in the best in Bucky, and that makes the stupidly warm, fuzzy feelings in his chest soar. It also makes him want to do a Charlie’s angel roll out of the nearest window because he is not equipped to deal with all this emotional bullshit, just ask Steve.

Bucky ruthlessly squashes that urge and meets Tony’s eyes instead. “I’m not asking you to sleep with me, if that’s what you mean,” he says and he means it.

“Then what do you want?” Tony asks helplessly, like he can’t fathom what else there is, what he could possibly offer anyone. And that, that just isn’t right. That uncertainty doesn’t suit Tony, who’s usually as unapologetically, in-your-face ace as possible, at all.

“I want you to go on a date with me,” Bucky replies, proud of how steady his voice sounds. The flowers he’s still holding also do a great job of hiding the trembling in his hands. “I want to text you silly emoji combinations all the time to show you I’m thinking of you. I want you to call me at the crack of dawn and tell me about whatever brilliant idea you’ve just come up with. I want to see you wear my hoodies every day, and tell you how amazing you look, and trace the lines of your blush, and kiss you on the forehead, and watch you argue with Steve about superheroes, and get tackled to the ground when I get back from the grocery store, and call you pet names that make my friends roll their eyes at our backs.”

And okay, Bucky did not mean to say that latter part out loud. It’s his turn to avert his eyes now, not that that’s what he’s doing, absolutely not. It’s just, the roses are really very pretty to look at and he’s just enjoying the view and fighting the urge to bury his flushed face in them, alright?

Only when Tony clears his throat does he dare to look up again. The blank face greeting him isn’t what you’d call encouraging though and Bucky can feel his stomach dropping what feels like straight through the floor and down another two levels.

“So, just one date then?” Tony asks airily and it takes Bucky a long moment to process the amusement hidden in those dry words and slight twitch of Tony’s lips.

Turns out it’s really hard to calling your crush out on purposefully being a little shit when he has just metaphorically freed you from the crushing weight of a panicked circle of ‘What if I’ve just ruined everything, I never should’ve-’ trails of thought. Bucky feels light-headed with relief and happiness, and really, it’s all he can do to retort with a cheeky “Maybe two” and a ridiculously wide, sappy smile.

“Two? Someone’s very sure of himself,” Tony teases.

It’s the irresistible combination of the challenging smirk and the contradicting softness in his eyes though that dissolves the last of Bucky’s nerves, allows him to regain his footing again. Because this is familiar territory, this he can do in his sleep.

“Oh, believe me, I’m gonna pull out all the stops, you won’t stand a chance,” Bucky grins back, his usual confidence quickly returning now that he knows Tony is willing to give him a chance.

“You’re setting the bar real high when you talk like that, you know that, right?” Tony counters, but Bucky just shrugs, appearing not at all bothered.

“Should the date be a bust—which it won’t be—I still got a back-up plan for after.” He winks obnoxiously.

“Oh?” Tony is trying and failing to hide his curiosity, and Bucky is unspeakably glad that the intrigue seems to outweigh the wariness.

“Yep,” Bucky barrels on, voice deepening on its own accord, “Because after our amazing, movie-scene-worthy date, I’ll shamelessly seduce you into coming over to my place, and you know what we’re gonna do there?” He leans in until he is close enough to whisper the answer right into Tony’s ear. “We’re gonna watch the fourth season of Leverage and eat stracciatella ice straight out of the box.”

“And Nat says your dirty talk’s terrible,” Tony laughs delightedly when he pulls back. Then he pauses. “Wait. Straccia- How did you know my favourite-”

“Remember our first meeting?” Because Bucky certainly does.

Apparently so does Tony, if the way he lights up is any indication. “You remember that?” He sounds awed, which is a silly question, it’s not like Bucky could ever forget. But he only gets half-way through a “’Course I do, doll,” before he has an arm full of excited genius, bright smile and teary-eyes included, peppering feather-light kisses all over Bucky’s face.

“Be my valentine?” he asks breathlessly and Bucky can’t help but laugh, because it’s such a Tony thing to go and steal his line.

“Well, since you asked so nicely,” he jokes back, which leads to Tony rolling his eyes with a huff, which leads to Bucky trying to ruffle his hair, which leads to Tony losing his hold on Bucky, which leads to the both of them toppling over like the uncoordinated, lovesick fools they are.

In the end the flowers look a little worse for wear, but Bucky really, really doesn’t mind. And neither does Tony, if the way he keeps them on his bedside table for weeks (and rescues them from the garbage can Rhodey sneakily throws them into twice) is any indication.  

I’m a little nervous about this one, so any encouragement would be welcome! (Yes, this is me shamelessly begging for validation, you’ve read that right.) In any case I hope you liked it and you have a great day!

@Anon who wrote this ask: If it helps, you can tell me what fandoms you’re in and I’ll make you a rec list for any fics that deal with ace characters I remember. It’s true that there aren’t many of them out there, but over the years I’ve found some real gems you might enjoy. (Please, tell me you’re in the TVD fandom, cause there is an amazing fic in there, and BBC Sherlock has a few- ok I stop now.) Just let me know :)

[jessthequeenofstories]

😶

I’m still awake at 6am

My friend is in my bed

I’m lying with my head at the foot and my feet on a chair

Casual

I’m used to being weird

🙃

She keeps half-waking up and poking me with her feet

And I keep scaring her when I move away

But she’s still half asleep so makes a scared noise but forgets about it two seconds later

This is actually hilarious

I’m actually trying not to fucking laugh right now

So I’m just staying up on Tumblr to pass the time

Cause I’m insomniactic anyway

Is that even a word

Will I ever use grammar

I used apostrophes so yeah maybe

That last sentence should have had at least three commas in it

Fuck grammar

Up da arse

And apparently fuck spelling as well

Oh I already established that with the made-up word

Ow she just kicked me

😂

Wanna get up and eat some cake but she’ll think I’m a ghost or something and probably attack me with a cucumber or something

Don’t ask why I have a cucumber in my room

You should be more worried why I want cake while my friend is sleeping next to me

You dirty bastards

So this will be a fun post for her to read when she wakes up

Or fun pussy as my autocorrect just wrote

Ow stop kicking me

Your toe nails are sharp af

I have no nails so

So what

Where was I going with that argument

Not this doesn’t make sense without grammar

Why aren’t I using grammar again

Maybe it’s a rebellion against society

Maybe I’ll start a revolution against the English and their fucked up language with it’s fucked up rules

I’m Welsh after all

So no more grammar

Instead the word baa will be used instead of a full-stop baa

And the name Tom Jones will be used instead of question marks if that’s alright with you Tom Jones

And popty ping will be used popty ping to keep up with the pattern going on here popty ping instead of commas baa

Make sense Tom Jones

Good baa

I’m probably gonna wake her up soon if I don’t stop laughing baa

She told me she’d probably be awake by seven baa

It’s almost half six now baa

I’m waiting baa

Is this grammar getting annoying Tom Jones

It’s dyslexic af popty ping as most of you already know popty ping so it is getting quite annoying for me as well baa

It’s hard to remember where everything goes baa

A bit like having sex really baa

Baa really should not be in the same sentence as sex really

Now that sentence doesn’t make sense if you’re still reading it as a full stop

Period really should not be in the same sentence as sex really

Well that’s a bit true also

Ewww

Unless you’re lesbian vampires then I guess live and let live

If that’s you’re thing I ain’t knocking it

I am legit on the edge of my bed

Fucking toe nails of death edging closer

I feel like I’m in an Indiana Jones film

Or James Bond

Edging closer to the edge of a cliff while spikes urge me backwards

A bit like Elsa and those guards in her ice castle

Well one was being pushed while the other was being impaled

Oh look I’ve been impaled

Oh bother

If you’re wondering why apostrophes never got a Welsh update it’s because I’m not that dyslexic

I know how to use grammar

I’m just being ironic

But I’d look like an idiot to not use apostrophes

So yeah

Point proven

Ironic peace sign

☮

No not that peace sign

✌

Yes that peace sign

Wow I need cake

🍰

More cake

🎂

More

Wait, real cake tho

I can’t eat pixles

I’m not PAC Man

Mostly cause I’m not a man

What is a PAC anyway?

It sounds very racist

Well whatever it is I’m not it

Unless it means dyslexic then yes

I am a PAC

Or Welsh

Then I am a PAC

Or awake at half six in the fucking morning

Then yes

I am

Indeed

A PAC

Man

Minus the man

Omg she curled her legs up

I’m away from the feet

I feel so freed

It feels like the liberation of France

I have so much space

I might even have enough room to turn over to the other side

😮

My god this is a joyous day

This shall go down in the history books

The day I was freed from the torture of toe nails

😄

And nope she just stretched her legs out again

Now I’m gonna have to cancel that party

Sorry no cake for you

Sorry Chuckles maybe you can come for Halloween instead

Just gonna stick a pin in all these balloons

Watch them all pop

Like my personal space bubble

Pop

It is done

There is nothing less

Oh sweet heavenly slumber why hath art forsaken me

Dramatic faint

Oh wait if I’m fainted than does that mean I’m not asleep

Maybe

But how am I typing

Can people sleep-text

I mean people drunk-text all the time and they manage that quite successfully

My mum used to say I sleep-sing

Is that true

Do I really sleep-sing

Of course fucking not I don’t fucking sleep

Or use grammar

Or do anything normally

I have legit spent half an hour of my life writing this post non-stop

And for what reason

Was it to tire me out

Was it to cure my boredom

Was it to make my friend laugh when she wakes up

No

No it wasn’t

I did this all for cake

Sweet sweet cake

And I would do anything for cake

I’d run right into hell and back

I would do anything for cake

Ect ect

I forgot the rest of the song

Meatloaf mf

I’m so fucking bored

Maybe I should write my own song

Or maybe I should sleep

Song it is then

So what should the song be about

Defo not a love song

Unless it’s about my love for cake

Then it that case it should be about a love triangle between me cake and pie

Why pie

Because she’s my cherry pie

And fuck all that rest of the song idkfml

I love how my autocorrect didn’t even bother to suggest a word for that

😂

So maybe the song should be about

Hold you horses she just actually for real tucked her legs up

Halaluhja

Praise the gods above

Or below

Or in the middle

Where you chillin at Gabriel

But omg I’m so fucking happy

I’m alive

I’m insomniactic but alive

I just wanna get up and great the world with a happy smile

Hello sunshine

Goodbye sunshine cause let’s be real this is Britain

Hello rain-clouds

Hello puddles

Hello awkward snail that tries to hug the pavement when I try and move you out from the middle of the pavement

Hello shops that are closed on a Sunday because fuck the milk I need for my morning cup of tea

Did I say morning

Sorry I meant 5 in the afternoon when I finally get the energy to role or of bed

It’s winter of course the sun has fucked of by 5pm

Sorry lad a babe in Australia wants me to kiss her whole body

😚

Does anyone what call freckles sun-kisses

Don’t worry I don’t call them that

My mum calls them that though

She used to tells us that so we wouldn’t feel bad about having them

Mum’s covered in them

Either she’s trying to spread possitivity about freckles or she’s having an affair with the sun

I mean it’s pretty hot

Who wouldn’t bang that

Me

And probably most of the population of the earth

Don’t worry mum you’ve got it all to yourself

But when you’re complaining about how you’re heart burns in desire

Just realise it is actually burning

Yup it actually burns

Burn

Oh my god I’m so bored

I just realised this whole post is like an hour in the life of the brain of Jesse Hester

Wtf

What a title

Screw whatever title I gave this post

That is the official title now

It’s only been there-quarters-of-an-hour

Fuck

You’re only three-quarters the way through this post

Ha

Ha ha

Ha

Bored yet

Cause I sure am

I want cake

I want tea

I want dick

-s like Mr Fedora Guy to fuck off

Ow stop kicking me baa

I’ve decided to start implementing the Welsh grammar again baa

It was creative and fun baa

What popty ping don’t you like it Tom Jones

What’s not to like about it Tom Jones

I thought you loved reading everything in Welsh baa

I’ll try writing in real Welsh then

Helo

I love how the Autocorrect changed it to help

Literally what I’m thinking right now

Helo

Dwi'n Jesse ydw i

Stop trying to capitalise i

It’s a word not the English word

Why do we capitalise I by itself but not the letter A by itself

And why did my Autocorrect decide to keep that I upcapitalised

Questions

I have ten minutes to talk

Fuck I’m slowing down

Never

Capitalise the word never

Because I haven’t actually fully capitalised any words yet

What the fuck is this post

I don’t even fucking know anymore

This was supposed to be just a fun little thing to keep me occupied

But now

Now this is a legend

A legacy

I have seven minutes to keep this up

Even if I feel sleep I can’t give this up

I can’t give up the randomness

I can’t give up the bad grammar

And I will not

For the love of God

Give up the

God

Damn

Cake

Capitalise the word Cake for drama

I love how my autocorrect make cake a person

Cake

Like it’s a name or something

Well Cake is my cakefriend now

We’re official

Don’t worry The Wife™ we’re still legally married

Holy fuck five minutes guys

I honestly don’t know how to end this post

I feel like it should just go out on a bang

But I don’t want to spoil the structure by suddenly adding a gif is something

What can I say

What can I do

Omg so many choices

But non is good enough

God I feel like I’m choosing universities all over again

What am I talking about I only ever wanted to go to this uni

Fuck the others

Three minutes

Holy fuck

Holy mother of fucking

Mothers fuck

Sad but true truth

Ew

I don’t want to think about that

I legit shipped my mum with the sun about twenty minutes ago

Two minutes

Shit shit shit

What do to

What do fucking do

Oh don’t you dare kick me

No

No way

Ugh

What is my life

One minute

Omg

Omgggggggggg

Add as many adjectives beginning with G to that acronym

Jess I love you bae

😘

Love you forever!!! ❤

SEVEN MOTHER FUCKING O'CLOCK

[onemoreepitaph]

The Saga of the Swamp Thing and the trouble of writing comic book reviews.

So, I recently finished finished reading The Saga of the Swamp Thing (or as it’s known in more modern terms, Swamp Thing volume 2). As with every comic (and most things) I finish, I want to review it. This poses a problem, as Swamp Thing is 171 issues covered by a massive amount of different staff members with low cohesion beyond canon. Pasko’s Swamp Thing is vastly different from Moore’s from Collin’s from Millar’s and so forth. This makes it difficult to review as one piece even if I can define it with a beginning, middle, and end. I’ve reviewed comics before without problem. Even comics with multiple directions (such as Miracleman) but not on such a massive scale.

Really, the writing isn’t even the thing that makes it hard to review. I can cover disjointed writing. It’s the disjointedness of everything. In visual mediums, I like to review the visual design, and swamp thing has passed through the hands of so many artists that even recalling all of them is incredibly difficult. I can give kudos to Tatjana Wood’s coloring for by far being the most consistent thing in this comic book. So rather than formatting this like I like to on my other blog, I’m going to give this a more messy crazy whirl.

(If you’re here after Alan Moore’s Swamp Thing and just want to know if you should read the rest jump down to the very bottom (past issue 171))

To start off, let me acknowledge that this is a sequel, and should be treated as such. Since the end of the first volume, Alec Holland is Swamp Thing again (this happens in Challengers of the Unknown, but for all intents and purposes treat the last 2 issues of volume 1 as non-canon, life will be better that way.) Swamp Thing finds a peculiar situation, a man trying to kill his daughter whilst declaring her the anti-christ. Swamp Thing saves her, and thus starts on his next great arc. Unlike the individual stories of volume 1, volume 2 is more arc based. This is for better and for worse, the stories have more character, more plot, and more impact, but also this can lead to dragging and near filler. Generally I’d say it’s just alright in the first few arcs, they’re interesting but unmemorable. The story really picks up in issue 16 with a few character reintroductions, and we’re off to the races from there. Swamp Thing is a famous comic book, and for good reason. The next arcs are a work of brilliance, taking the horror hero concept through some truly interesting reconstructions with absolutely brilliant writing and amazing visual design.

While it’s no painting, the cohesion between writing and visuals is near perfect. You can tell the team was skilled and in alignment. The Love and Death arc of this series is both an amazing story, and the arc that broke the comics code. This marked the evolution of swamp thing from the newspaper stand kids’ content to the saga of respectable storytelling we now hold comic books to be (at their best at least). But no gold rush lasts forever, and the other side of the 50 mark the series begins to cool down into an interesting but only somewhat above average niche it slides into by 100. After that, the series gets turbulent in some interesting ways, which each consecutive writer having drastically different visions and some moments that changed the story almost as much as The Anatomy Lesson did. Your mileage on the post-100 side of swamp thing will probably vary a LOT, with different tones both thematically and visually throughout the rest of the series. If you were to show me issue 166 and tell me it’s the same comic as issue 66, I would find it incredibly difficult to believe you (assuming I weren’t accustomed to these massive changes.) I can say however, that the final ending of the series is a true highlight. It pulls from the legacy of the character into quite a unique finale. 

So, here’s the question. Do I recommend Swamp Thing volume 2? Short answer, yes. Long Answer, maybe? It’s status as an un-cohesive story makes it hard to recommend. Most people would recommend issues 21-64, but I’m not sure I agree. I do recommend it from the start, knowing that it will get better. Issue 64 is a great ending, and the only good drop off point until the very end. I can with little doubt recommend up to there. Beyond that is less of a solid go. I firmly believe if you carry on past that point, you will at some point grow distaste with the series. It can be all over the place, and at times I thought to myself “I’d enjoy this story if it were it’s own thing and not Swamp Thing” but I found the experience to be worth it in the end. The transition from 64 to beyond is a bit rough, as 64 feels like a good point to end end the series, but it continues on with a writer who’s clearly not as good as the writer before him. When Nancy A. Collins comes along in the early 100s, she drastically changes the tone, and with Millar starting work on the series it becomes almost unrecognizable as anything before it. I do think, despite all of this, it comes together as one good piece. I think most people will grow to dislike the series at some point, but only temporarily. So if you find yourself at issue 64 and want more, I advise you to carry on, but know it will be a crazy and imperfect experience. 

Rating this series in final is difficult, at any point it was somewhere between a 6 and a 9, but usually floated around 7. Overall I think I’ll give it a 7.5, albeit a very interesting 7.5

So, here’s the gloves off spoilers in section. If you’ve never read any of swamp thing volume 2, I implore you to take your leave here. This is mostly for those who have read Moore’s run. I’m going to do a run by run break down. Martin Pasko’s run (1-19) is fine. I found it enjoyable, mostly towards the very end, and it lays the groundwork for some stuff that will pay off later. Really, throw issue 20 into this as well, as it’s just an ending piece for this run. I think it’s a fine enough lead up to the Moore run, but if it existed in isolation I wouldn’t remember it one bit. I recommend it for first time readers, but if you’ve already read beyond it there’s no real point in going back to it. The Moore run (20-64) explains itself. It’s famous. It’s pretty awesome. I generally liked it, even if I didn’t love it. It’s not my favorite Moore work because I don’t think it builds on itself all that well, but the good parts are damn good and art and prose are excellent. I really feel like the space arc was definitely in the territory of “more neat than interesting” but it was a good read nonetheless. oh god my cat wants attention he’s so adorable aaaaaaaa Everytime i type he paws at me for attention ok he went to go do something else. Okay so, Rick Veitch (65-87). Veitch worked as an artist with Moore, so he and Moore are very much on the same page. Despite Moore closing the book in 64, Veitch reopens it with something that feels consistent. The nearly logical next step, the problem is Veitch is not Moore. Veitch had a shitty job, of following that up. He did it the best he could, but he just wasn’t as skilled. If you want more Swamp Thing, it will give you that, but if you want more ground-breaking comics kino, you’re out of luck. It’s a fine read, but the gap is noticeable. The other problem with Veitch is that due to the issue 88 fiasco, his plot didn’t finish by his own hands. Some people read just Veitch, but his ending isn’t an ending. He was supposed to be followed up by Gaiman (who wrote the excellent annual 5), but the issue 88 fiasco made Gaiman also back out. While this was a pretty damn respectable move on Gaiman’s part, it makes me sad wondering what that run could have been. Doug Wheeler (88-109) came in and finished up the arc and then wrote his own war epic, Quest of the Elementals. While Wheeler is a lot of the times criticized as being the bottom of the barrel for Swamp Thing, I found him to be about on par with Veitch. Interesting, but not remarkable. I do give him credit for having an actual ending to his run, which I suppose could be used as an ending point for the series but it’s clearly an arc ending and not a story ending. Then Nancy A. Collins comes in (110-138). Her Swamp Thing is tonally quite different. It’s a much slower, toned down Swamp Thing. A lot of times people describe it as being closer in tone to the pre-Moore era. I liked how it spent more time developing the supporting cast and actually giving Swamp Thing time to be at home with his family. The run was almost comfy until right after the move to Vertigo, it stopped being so. I don’t know why, but on the way out Collins decided to break the status quo, leaving a really unhappy ending. The early parts of her run were some of my favorite parts of Swamp Thing in awhile, but the ending was just upsetting. This is followed up by a one issue Black Orchid crossover, which is neat I suppose. Then we get to Millar (140-171). He starts out his run working with Grant Morrison in this 4 issue story that’s almost pure insanity. It was interesting, but really was a prologue to Millar’s greater run to come. At first I did not like Millar’s run at all. A fuckload had changed. The art was in this simplified, dynamic style that contrasted abrasively with the prior style. The story had become lonely and quite a dark downer, but it picks up. The first real arc, Parliament of Stones, is the biggest offender of being both a downer and not very good. I think from here, it really starts to improve. It still is pretty dirty and down, but it’s got a bit more humanity to it rather than just being shitty for shitty’s sake. The last stretch, Trial by Fire, was quite fantastic. It makes real good on the size of the Swamp Thing legacy, running this clearly Alan Moore like story, and just keeps pulling brilliance out until it ends on an ultimately upbeat note.I see why Millar’s run is the most recommended past Veitch, but it really is rough getting used to. Ultimately though, it justifies both itself and a lot of the weight that the series has gained.

[enemymine2000]

Fandom rambles: Eye colors

Disclaimer: Okay, I'm a Sterek fan. I became one without so much as seeing one episode of that god-forsaken show that pairing originated from. I started watching after about a year of reading purely Sterek fanfiction. I stopped watching after season 5, because no matter what, I simply couldn't take that amount of stupid anymore. I refuse to rewatch it for the same reasons.

I started to ramble to myself about „stupid Paige and stupid fans for taking Peter's words at face value“ like many times before a couple of days ago, when again some fan took Peter's narrative and made it the basis of a pointless case about Derek's „type“ and blue eyes and his transformation. Don't even remember the correct context anymore. Didn't stop me from continuing to ramble. So it wrote it down to get rid of it. Hopefully.

P.S. English is not my first language, but the language in which I always operate when browsing my fandoms. I know I make mistakes. But I don't care. Also fandom wank not welcome. Just stating my opinion here and putting out my headcanon.

That being said…

I believe Derek became an alpha again when he “died” and thus triggered his transformation into full wolf.

Don't give me that "but his eyes were not red"-argument. Eye colors are deciving in canon at best.

We were fed the line that betas who have killed innocent lives have blue eyes, normal betas have yellow ones and alphas' glow red practically from day one. But there is barely evidence supporting it. Yes, Scott's eyes turned red after becoming True Alpha - whatever that may be. But in all seasons since Scott never actually has shown true "alphaness". He doesn't lead, instead he practically disbands the pack after Derek leaves for hopefully greener pastures. He just has one real beta, an unwilling one at best and isn't seen to have a real connection with Liam.

When Scott was bitten by Peter it was all about him being practically enthralled by his alpha and being forced to go out and hunt (and kill) with him. Nothing of that sort ever happens between Liam and Scott.

Practically all of the planning for the pack and most of the "education" of the beta(s) is in fact done by Stiles, who is the glue that keeps all these different people together. Yes, Derek's eyes turn red after he killed Peter and thus ascended to “alphaness”. Just like we are led to believe Peter's eyes turned red after killing Laura. We never actually see how the eyes thing works when there is a natural progression from one pack alpha to the other like it had to happen to Laura, when Talia died in the fire. Or how the “alphaness” chooses its next "host", when not forced to “jump ship” by killing the previous one. In scientific terms "We just don't have enough data!"

Okay, so what about how someone becomes alpha. Scott became alpha supposedly by sheer strength of will and character - or so says Deaton, who is an unreliable narrator at best, because the sneaky bugger doesn't like to share important information.

We saw Scott getting stronger for a while, but it only started after the icebaths. Which were supposed to stop the sacrifices of the parents, but were clearly surrogate sacrifices. So something fishy there.

Okay, Darach sacrificing parents was stopped, but Darach's aim of sacrifices was fullfilled. Only they came back and each brought something with them. Because, you know, the door was ajar.

The void came with Stiles, Allison had walking nightmares of Kate and turning into her, but Scott saw himself becoming more werewolf.

So true alpha my ass!

Scott brought something more powerful with him, woke the beast inside him and that was, what was able to push through the mountain ash barrier and turned his eyes red.

But Scott rarely feeds that beast, because he is a special little flower, who rather have everyone he loves die, than really do something to protect them. Who rather manipulates others to do the dirty deeds - like biting people or just being responsible for things. And can't fess up to his responsibilities, when he actually did do something - like taking care of his freaking beta after biting Liam, like admitting to using Derek non-consentually to bite Gerard so he himself didn't have to.

So the power seems to dwindle again. Maybe it (the thing that came back with him or simply his spark, because something must transfer to spark a transformation in a previously purely human being) even transferred some to a better host - again thinking of Liam, who is ever so angry and willing to do, what needs to be done. Alpha material if I ever saw one (and somewhat reminiscent of Derek pre-giving up his alphaness for Cora).

As stated Laura became alpha after her mother and former alpha, Talia, died in the fire. Talia, as stated by Gerard, was made something of a leader because of her rare ability to fully shift. He never stated whether she became an alpha before or after aquiring that ability.

But my theory is, she became alpha after she could shift into full wolf.

Hear me out. I think it is a genetic trait, that runs in families of born werewolves. Which is why it's so rare. Bitten weres will never be able to achieve it, because they lack the genes (active gene combination more likely, but I don’t feel like going all biology AP here). And born ones will need it from both their parents to do it. And even then they seem to need a certain state of mind.

We know Derek only achieved the full shift after he came to terms with his own humanity, after letting go of his anger issues and accepting his own fallacy. His "death" at the time of his first full shift is only a coincidence.

Talia is shown to have a sort of nearly eerie calm, a serenity about her in the scene where she meets Deucalion, despite the serious topic and dangers discussed.

Fandom thinks that the Hale pack has been matriarchial, because Talia's alpha went to Laura. Again, not enough evidence.

Assuming my hypothesis is correct and the serenity of the the full shift enables the werewolf to become alpha in their own right, Talia could very well have become alpha outside of the normal order. Which is supported by Peter's feeling that he should have been alpha and has "always been the alpha". Maybe he was actually next in line of natural succession and being groomed like Laura had been groomed, but then Talia went and became literally one with her inner wolf and the spark went to her after their previous alpha died. And she went on to lead her pack in a strong and confident way.

So no killing, but also no normal inheritance. Something different. Something a true “True Alpha” should be able to do.

Something Scott never did and Derek always tried, but couldn't do, because he couldn't embrace his wolf after feeling at guilt for the fire for so long and being angry at the world and especially himself for it.

But Derek let go of it all, when he sacrificed his spark so Cora could live.

Peter - being the instigator behind it - probably had hoped that Derek's “alphaness” either reverted back to the family line, therefore himself, or simply vanished, so he would have only to deal with one pretty incompetent alpha (Scott; in contrast to an alpha, who was willing to learn, to do what was needed and became stronger for it) to claim it for himself again.

And Derek's name didn't appear in the deadpool anymore, while Scott's bounty rose, while Peter was again in a prime position to manipulate him. Maybe even getting him to willingly give up his spark to him?! (Berserker-plot; “I can’t even keep myself safe and am a danger to my friends, here,Peter, take that burden from me.” - But there was Stiles and his somethingness and Derek evolved and disposed of the threat and well, it didn’t work out. Next plan. Damn, Eichen House. How inconvenient.)

Derek evolved. Losing his spark allowed him to come to terms with his life. He let go of his anger and Stiles took its place as his anchor. Humanity in its purest form. Flawed, spastic, vulnerable, but oh so strong.

Coincidently he died to be "reborn". I think, his eyes just would have started flickering back to were-life at some point anyway, but him being in mortal danger probably sped up the process a lot. Because werewolf healing couldn't have gone amiss in that situation and human Derek was a bit left without it for a moment here.

Now "reborn" or evolved, Derek possesses the same serenity as Talia did. He knows how to lead, but chooses not too. But he is responsible enough that should the need arise, he would take up the mantle once more. Which will be when his eyes will turn back red. But he doesn't need that additional sign of power right now, so they flash blue.

Okay, blue eyes.

Supposedly eyes flash blue, if a were killed an innocent. But what defines an innocent? Neither Deaton, Derek nor Peter ever give details.

We are shown scenes of Peter's narrative of how Derek's eyes turned blue. I don't call them flashback for a reason.

It is not Derek's story!

Evidence: Peter and Derek were impossible to roam high school at the same time. I don't know about your schools, but any adult not belonging to the faculty had to announce their present at my school. Without good reason you would be banned from campus if caught. (Again: I'm in Germany, where we don't have security guards in public schools and aren’t paranoid af.) Still Peter was supposedly always there to give young Derek advice and watch it all go down.

According to his driver's license Derek was 22 at the beginning of the show (born November 7th, 1988 according to Google). The Hale Fire was supposed to have happened at least 6 years prior, which is the amount of time Peter spent in a coma. So Derek was 15/16 during that time, which would make the possible timespan between Paige and Kate no more than a year.

Peter was born during the 1970s. Which according to the timeline of the show would put him in his early 40s about now, so maybe late 30s at the beginning of it. Let's say he was 38/39, when he went on his alpha rampage.

Meaning he was 32/33 at the time of the Hale Fire and about 31/32, when Derek supposedly fell in love with Paige in his sophomere year.

That's a big fat "nope" right here. One thing for a 22 year old to stroll the boundaries of campus and sometimes enter the school undetected while its in session, but 32 is a stretch even with good werewolf-genes.

On top of that I believe that would it have been Derek's story, he never would have fallen into Kate's trap the way he has. He would have been extra wary including anyone not family in any kind werewolf business. Not to mention still grieving.

No, Derek fell for Kate's trap because he was still able to trust her with his secret. And the innocent life lost which turned his eyes blue was his own among others. He lost his innocence and felt personally responsible for the Hale Fire.

No, Paige was Peter's first love and the reason his eyes flash blue. He was the high school basketball star, he was bright-eyed and slightly narcisstic. It would therefore be in character for him  „to keep the things he finds“ - meaning having Paige bitten to keep her with him forever – and to keep her save from dangers the only way he knew how.

The Nemeton was cut down somewhere between World War II (the events surrounding the summoning of the Nogitsune in the internment camp) and 2003, when the meeting took place. Derek not knowing the members and details of the Alpha Pack would make more sense if it was Peter's story.

A 15year old beta would not have been involved in the meetings and I doubt Talia has told her children more than she absolutely had to about potential dangerous pack business.

Although Ennis was supposed to have bitten Paige in Peter's narrative, Derek shows no sign of recognition or special kind of anger towards him, apart from Ennis kidnapping and killing his betas of course.

15 year old Peter however, possibly groomed to become the next alpha by his parents until shortly before that, would personally know alphas of different packs. Maybe even a younger Ennis, who maybe just became alpha himself and needed to have more betas. For an alpha is always stronger when he has more betas.

Peter is an unreliable narrator, for he will always put himself in a favorable light and to have the story around Paige fit into the time in which he told it to Stiles, he mixes in the element surrounding the meeting of the packs with Talia in the old destillery.  

So he can use his own personal story to manipulate the pack around Scott against Derek's attempts at leadership and at the same time disclose some of his knowledge of the members of the Alpha Pack.

Peter never shows and tells without some form of personal gain.

Also in hindsight it would make so much more sense for Talia taking Peter's memories of his daughter Malia, if having to mercy-kill Paige had been his story.

Realizing that his lover, the Desert Wolf, wanted to kill their child and probably having to fight the mother to get her to back up and definitively having to give up the baby for its own safety, would be a painful memory Talia would want to spare her brother.

(Remember we only get the Desert Wolf's unreliable narrative of events in season 5, when Peter was already taken by the Ghost Riders and therefore erased from memory of all involved. Corinne would therefore only have Talia to lay the perceived blame onto.

So she may not have been forced to bring the child to term, but did it because she actually loved Peter. Or because Peter told her that it was also his and she could leave, after she had delivered the baby. But she would not have been able to remember when she started to track her daughter down.

Which she incidently only stated doing once Peter had disappeared. Never once during the fourth season, when there was a certain confusion about the Desert Wolf and the She-Wolf – who turned out to be a werejaguar; how's that for a misnomer – was there any indication Corinne was travelling north to Beacon Hills. She was simply there and assassinating things/people in the deserts of Mexico and Southern California.)

So, back to topic:

Paige nicely fits into the hypothesis of Peter being next in line for alpha in the Hale pack, but then Talia went and managed the full shift, making her spark go all alpha and throwing that plan out of the window. And leaving Peter with guilty-blue eyes shortly after. (Maybe even because he didn’t want to go to his better-than-thou sister for help with finding this yellow wolfsbane which Chris used to cure Gerard and Peter, walking encyclopedia on all things supernatural, surely at the least had rumor about before having Paige bitten. I mean, come on, the Hale’s where supposed to be as very old family and they sure would have taught the knowledge of all variations of wolfsbane to all their children! He might in panic not have remembered, what exactly, but Peter surely would have known, that Talia would have ways to help. Instead he hid in a root cellar. - But that is a whole nother ramble.)

Since the alphaness needs to have a next generation - the only thing we know for certain - Laura becomes next in line, while Peter is pushed back even further.

Derek gets roped in by a young, ambitious hunter chick, which leads to most of the family being killed and his eyes turning blue.

Fast forward 6 years Peter kills Laura and becomes alpha the „unnatural“ way, bites Scott, because he is at the wrong place at the wrong time and an alpha needs betas.

Scott becomes flashy yellow eyes and refuses to learn how to be a werewolf, just how to use its powers, if he can stop suck so much at life with them. (Like creeper-stalking his (ex-)girlfriend or becoming the number one jock in school.) The only thing he really doesn't like is when someones is to be killed. No matter who and why, he can't have that.

Cue the Darach, who wants to kill pretty much everybody. Scott gathers all the will and power he possesses (or which possesses him) and breaks through her mountain ash circle. The exertion sparks the possible alphaness every werewolf has or allows the thing he brought back through the door to take over for a moment, just enough to spark the flame. Flare the red eyes.

Questions left to ponder, should new information get available:

1) Theo's eyes stay yellow even after killing. Is that because he is a chimera or because he doesn't feel guilt?

2) Malia's eyes are blue. Because she accidently killed her adoptive mother and sister and feels guilty about it? Or is it because she is a werecoyote and not a werewolf? (Different concepts of social structure and as loners more likely to kill, if even in self-defence? The Desert Wolf is a merciless killer and Malia states without emotion, that coyotes kill their young.)

3) Kate's eyes glow green? Some unexplained powers? Or simply a matter of different species? And why did she work towards the plan with Peter? Yes, he turned her – with his claws, which is another WTF?! - but he is not her alpha, because he is no alpha anymore and well, she hates all weres. 4) Jackson’s eyes are snake-like green-ish as kanima, sometimes glow orange-ish and flash blue after being “killed”, subsequently anchored by Lydia and then turned into a werewolf. So do have kanima only glowing eyes, when called by their master? Or before they start their transformation towards the cocoon-thingamabob? If a were-species can change (through change of personality and) another bite or deep claw-injury, why doesn’t it happen all the time during fights? (Bonus: Does that mean Hayden is now purely werewolf without a trace of chimera? Also Jackson is still technically Derek’s beta. Why would Derek allow his beta to leave him without ever mentioning him ever again? I am utterly confused by this god-forsaken show.