#because people refuse to accept less than absolute perfection

[cerisahh]

WHAT'S YOUR HANDLE!

SYNOPSIS ꒱ social media/internet headcanons for the saiki k characters.

CHARACTERS INCLUDED ꒱ saiki, kaidou, aren, nendou, toritsuka, hairo, teruhashi, aiura, yumehara, mera, rifuta

NOTE ꒱ i love the saiki k characters so much they’re like a fond memory.

KUSUO SAIKI

• surprisingly, saiki has social media.

• private account, of course. 0 posts, 0 followers, 0 following, (12 follow requests which he will never accept).

• claims it helps him be percieved as 'average' (he's keeping tabs on his friends those nuisances that follow him around).

• enjoys baking videos! when he finds a recipe he likes, him and his mother will make it together.

• he's one of those people who use perfect punctuation and grammar whilst typing. never turned off auto-capitalisation.

• dry texter by choice, not by chance. he's less dry when he's speaking online to someone he actually likes, but not by much (by less dry, you get a sentence instead of a one-word answer).

• leaves everyone on delivered most of the time.

• tried changing his number multiple times, but someone always manages to get hold of it so he just gave up.

SHUN KAIDOU

• no one wants to say it so i will. he uses wattpad.

• tried to use ao3/fanfiction.net but found it too difficult so he stuck to his roots.

• he would definetly write paragraphs upon paragraphs of the lore of the-jet-black-wings and dark reunion, as well as the origins of the power sealed within his right arm (black beat) and why it is DETRIMENTAL that this power is never unleashed or stolen by evil.

• everyone in the comments think that it's just a cool original story idea.

• absolutely inserts his friends as original characters in his lore. i might make a whole seperate post about this.

• he also uses reddit. where else is he going to get story ideas?

• has these apps pin locked and hidden in his phone, on the off-chance his mother decides to look through it.

• ABSOLUTELY plays roblox, his username is something cringe he made when he was ten (like the rest of us), refuses to change it. account is -13 for some reason.

• he has spent a lot of money on roblox. a troubling amount.

• types in lowercase, except when he's talking to his mother, then it's all punctuation and manners.

AREN KUBOYASU

• still purchases burner phones even though his gangster days are over. old habits die hard.

• uses an ipad more often than not.

• plays roblox with kaidou, is a bacon hair. his messages constantly get filtered because he still doesn't realise you can't swear on roblox. warned almost everyday - on the verge of being banned.

• watches motorcycle tiktoks, it's literally all his fyp is. the comments he leaves are usually just questions relating to the specs of the bikes.

• is the member of the group that pays for netflix and disney+ and lets everyone leech off of him.

• reformed aren posts pictures of his friends and himself, it's actually a really normal page - which is his goal.

• pre-reformed aren would just post videos of him flexing, and all of his fights. there's a lot of fights.

• also: mullet pics.

• is on reddit SOLELY for the purpose of biker groups. could probably write a thesis on an single engine part. probably has. don't ask him to show you.

RIKI NENDOU

• this guy BARELY knows how to operate a phone, let alone the internet.

• only really uses his phone to google stuff and talk to his buddies.

• nendou... is so bad at spelling... like... SO bad.

• half the time nobody can decipher his messages it's just that horrendous.

• uses emojis, but doesn't open the emoji tab?? so he'll type the emoji he wants and then leave the word prompt in the message?? (ex: 'ramen 🍜 after school 🏫 ?')

• made a seperate account for koriki no.2 but just uses it as his own.

• his first time posting a picture of himself one of those ⓘ - generated by ai messages was under it. THEY THINK HE’S TOO UGLY TO BE REAAALL.

• unintelligible comments left on everything he sees.

• also likes everything he sees. his fyp/explore pages are filled with nonsense. nothing makes sense.

• there are a lot of cute animal videos though - this is a recurring theme.

REITA TORITSUKA

• sigh.

• falls for those ads that are like: 'horny women in the area ready to fuck'.

• REALLY?? WHERE?

• has a lot of malware downloaded without his knowledge.

• a reddit troll, there's no doubt about it. he LIVES to piss people off on that site. think colin robinson in that one episode (this is a niche reference).

• i regret to inform everyone, but before omegle shut down... he was a regular.

• probably has several failed business ideas. also has probably invested in cryptocurrency, bragged about his newfound riches, lost his newfound riches due to the market collapsing, and the cycle continues.

• says outrageous things on twitter. outrageous. one might even go as far as to say heinous.

• probably has hate pages made about him.

KINESHI HAIRO

• without a doubt has a gym bro tiktok account, might be a disciple of joey swoll.

• reposts those 'before and after' gym pictures with messages of congratulations to the person - he's so sweet. >_<

• probably has a couple thousand followers, a lot of people from his local gym follow him.

• contrary to popular belief, he doesn't type with caps on all the time. keeps auto capitalisation on and uses a lot of exclamation marks though.

• is the person who created the class groupchat. and the group chat of the ENTIRE school year. he literally added EVERYONE to it.

• follows everyone? like... people don't even know how he knows everyone but he does?? (he's just really friendly).

• there's multiple videos that he's tagged in of him doing kind things for people, hairo is such a sweetheart guys.

• uses his platform to give fitness advice to people. there's a lot of motivational quotes plastered on his accounts.

KOKOMI TERUHASHI

• of course teruhashi has social media, how else will she broadcast her beauty?

• she has SO many message requests, dedicates hours a day to respond to them to maintain her 'perfect pretty girl' status.

• posts once every week at a scheduled time, get's thousands of likes without fail.

• has a finsta for her close friends.

• doesn't have tiktok but somewhow still has fan accounts on there. and on every other site.

• is really into conspiracy theories, although she won't publicise this or her stance on anything either. she must remain neutral.

• her @'s and tags are mostly full of her fans taking pictures with/of her. she appreciates it, of course! but it's still strange...

• has her brother blocked (thank god).

• has numerous ootd highlights, the people eat it up everytime.

MIKOTO AIURA

• chronic pinterest addict

• unironically uses yubo (she needs help)

• her instagram highlights are so fun to go through, it's messy but it's a hot mess

• posts A LOT, like multiple times a day

• consumes a lot of yoga/meditation media.

• a lot of her media intake is different subcultures of gyaru (obviously), but she's really into haute couture.

• she actually streams on twitch sometimes, mostly to do online readings for people - she also does makeup tutorials and posts fashion advice!

• has also been banned by twitch several times for bypassing terms of service. (it's not her fault that the admins are sensitive).

• her most used app is probably spotify. has ayesha erotica in most of her playlists.

• she has a seperate account for her business, she posts newly decorated crystal balls each week and does free weekly readings in order to promote herself.

CHIYO YUMEHARA

• runs a semi-popular baking yt, (which saiki follows, to the knowledge of no one)

• used to post gacha life love story videos.

• might be the only person who knows about kaidous secret wattpad account (bar saiki obviously), reads everything he writes and inserts herself into his scenarios.

• types all cutesy and uses emoticons like there is no tomorrow

• 'hai hai everyone!! (^_^)' <- for example.

• buys sketchy stuff off aliexpress that promise the most ludicrous results (ex: she buys fat burning/slimming creams and expects them to give her a perfect beach body, gets confused when it gives her a rash and then buys more).

• has an etsy shop and makes custom jewellery (makes it free for her friends and leaves it in their desks with a custom note, it's very wholesome).

• her notes app is under LOCK AND KEY. that shit is more secure than the nuclear codes.

CHISATO MERA

• doesn't have a phone. can't even afford gas and electric, let alone internet. is poor.

• BUT IF SHE WASN'T!!

• would join giveaways even if they're obviously fake. she's desperate.

• miraculously end up WINNING ONE?? she gets flown out to be featured in one of those obnoxious youtubers videos and comes back with a fat paycheck and ridiculously expensive electronics (which she eventually sells, probably to pay the rent).

• is a reoccurring guest on yumehara's yt channel, as a taste-tester, obviously.

• was also meant to critique the food but she rates everything a 10/10 so was not very useful.

• her most used app? let's all be honest with ourselves, it's a food delivery one.

• has the most games downloaded out of everyone, mostly to entertain her siblings when they're bored.

IMU RIFUTA

• has a really cute and aesthetic tumblr - yet somewhow doesn't know what fanfiction is?

• dear god this girl uses everskies. she ABSOLUTELY uses everskies. has been banned several times.

• has so many throwaway accounts. like it breaches fifty, it's getting to be a problem.

• definitely argues with people on public forums, you can't convince me that this girl doesn't have festering anger building up inside her, arguing online is like a rage room for her.

• her phone layout is one of those aesthetic pink ones, she spent hours on it. hours.

• this girl is a MASTER stalker. has every social media under the sun, even the ones nobody has heard about in years.

• is unnervingly good at editing photos and videos.

• her alts are constantly getting suspended for harassment. has anonymously harassed saiki multiple times (he knows its her).

• everything she posts is really over-the-top with cutesy filters, like, blindingly so.

© CERISAHH 2024 — all fics on this account belong to… ME! don’t steal my shit.

[smokeygrayrabbits]

wolfwood cooking for vash, but because hes so used to only cooking for the orphanage he makes way too much. bros used to cooking industrial sized meals and has no concept of how to shrink the recipe. wolfwood starts freaking out over food waste because that's completely unacceptable on a desert planet, especially out in no man's land. he was trying to plan a cute lil date night! now he has to run around giving out food in this asshole town full of asshole people who have been less than accepting of vash and his vashness.

except that vash, little mister no I don't deserve to eat or I don't need to you should have it is a plant. a walking talking generator who, unlike his almond mom of a brother, does actually need to eat. a lot. sure, he refuses to eat most of the time out of either guilt or not wanting to take up precious resources, but he's still hungry all the time. the same hunger that drives his brother to save their sisters. plants give and they give and they give but that takes a toll. all that energy has to come from somewhere, and if they're locked inside away from each other, it can't come from the sun or from food or be supported. it comes directly from them, leaving the plants sick and exhausted, energy, life, slipping away from them, through their fingers like grains of sand.

properly cared for plants powered spaceships and supported the entire human race for years with ease. mistreated plants sent humanity crashing to the ground. vash hasn't been properly cared for a day in his life, definitely not since the fall. he's never had enough food, enough rest, enough care to be truly sated, until he walks into the abandoned house they were staying for the night and sees wolfwood standing over a giant pot of something that's already making vashs mouth water making his too sharp teeth ache with the nerf to chew on something, he'll have to file them down again soon. wolfwoods standing over that big pot of heaven, and vash is to zeroed in on the pot to notice the distraught look on his partners face.

wolfwood, too worried about the massive amounts of impending food waste, didn't notice the tears gathering in vash's eyes or the exited little purr in his throat when he shakily whispers

"is. . . is that all for me?"

yeah spikey. it is. he knows he messed up ok you don't have to be a dick about it WOAH. ok. tackle hug. cool. cool cool cool. this is fine and normal. spikeys just squeezing the life out of Nick, carrying him over to the pot with a spoon in hand and absolutely inhaling the dinner wolfwood made that could feed an army. homy shit he's already a third of the way through it ok damn spikey.

wolfwood is so in awe (and also worried about vash choking at the speed he's eating) that it takes him a minute to register the tears still leaking down vashs face and the little mumbles of thank you thank you that hes whispering out between bites and oh. by some miracle,

wolfwood gets it.

he swipes the serving spoon out of vash's mouth, smooths over the betrayed look with a kiss to his forehead and a hand over spikey hair, and wrangles vash over to the table wolfwood had oh so carefully set earlier, lest it be anything but perfect for their little date night, and deposites vash into a chair with another kiss to his cheek.

wolfwood carries a bowl over to vash, places it in front of him and places the chair that had been on the other end of the table right at vash's side, because hed have to be deaf dumb and blind to not read that need for closeness right now in vash's desperate gripping earlier. he places a spoon in one of vash's hands and links his own through the other, and vash eats. and no food goes to waste.

[luxe-pauvre]

The good procrastinator accepts the fact that she can’t get everything done, then decides as wisely as possible what tasks to focus on and what to neglect. By contrast, the bad procrastinator finds himself paralysed precisely because he can’t bear the thought of confronting his limitations. For him, procrastination is a strategy of emotional avoidance — a way of trying not to feel the psychological distress that comes with acknowledging that he’s a finite human being. The limitations we’re trying to avoid when we engage in this self-defeating sort of procrastination frequently don’t have anything to do with how much we’ll be able to get done in the time available; usually, it’s a matter of worrying that we won’t have the talent to produce work of sufficient quality, or that others won’t respond to it as we’d like them to, or that in some other way things won’t turn out as we want. The philosopher Costica Bradatan illustrates the point by means of a fable about an architect from Shiraz in Persia who designed the world’s most beautiful mosque: a breathtaking structure, dazzlingly original yet classically well proportioned, awe-inspiring in its grandeur yet wholly unpretentious. All those who saw the architectural plans wanted to buy them, or steal them; famous builders begged him to let them take on the job. But the architect locked himself in his study and stared at the plans for three days and nights — then burned them all. He might have been a genius, but he was also a perfectionist: the mosque of his imagination was perfect, and it agonised him to contemplate the compromises that would be involved in making it real. Even the greatest of builders would inevitably fail to reproduce his plans absolutely faithfully; nor would he be able to protect his creation from the ravages of time — from the physical decay or marauding armies that would eventually reduce it to dust. Stepping into the world of finitude, by actually building the mosque, would mean confronting all that he couldn’t do. Better to cherish an ideal fantasy than to resign himself to reality, with all its limitations and unpredictability. Bradatan argues that when we find ourselves procrastinating on something important to us, we’re usually in some version of this same mindset. We fail to see, or refuse to accept, that any attempt to bring our ideas into concrete reality must inevitably fall short of our dreams, no matter how brilliantly we succeed in carrying things off — because reality, unlike fantasy, is a realm in which we don’t have limitless control, and can’t possibly hope to meet our perfectionist standards. Something — our limited talents, our limited time, our limited control over events, and over the actions of other people — will always render our creation less than perfect. Dispiriting as this might sound at first, it contains a liberating message: if you’re procrastinating on something because you’re worried you won’t do a good enough job, you can relax — because judged by the flawless standards of your imagination, you definitely won’t do a good enough job. So you might as well make a start.

Oliver Burkeman, Four Thousand Weeks

[clearancecreedwatersurvival]

But Caitie, why are you so pressed about bad faith criticism from book fans about the wheel of time show? Great question I’m glad you asked.

From what I have observed book fans who are saying that it’s a bad adaptation and not worth watching have criticisms that usually boil down to one or all of these three objections.

1. They’re spending time in the show on characters who aren’t the ta’veren boys/Rand

2. Any changes have been made at all in order to adapt the story to film

3. There are too many queer characters and actors of color

All three of these talking points became a common refrain during season one, largely driven by the hilariously un-self aware manpilled alt-right shitheads in the /r/whitecloaks subreddit which got shut down for harassing other subreddits in 2022. It should be obvious that a lot of the motivation there was a misogynistic and racist misreading of a deliberately feminist and multicultural book series. If you think RJ would find this diverse show full of badass and well fleshed out women a poor adaptation of his work you are kidding yourself.

And regarding the other less obviously white supremacist complaints: Rand is not the only important character. Anyone who has read past like book two should be well aware that every main character’s point of view is important to the overall narrative. There are only 8 seasons in which to get through all of those main characters’ arcs. Of course they are starting them all now. Are the boys getting less screen time than they get pov chapters early in the books? Sure. This is necessary because once again, the ta’veren boys are Not the only characters that matter. I don’t know why people are so surprised that ALL of the main characters of a book series with over a dozen recurring pov characters are going to have character arcs.

And again if you’re just mad that it’s more queer and polyamorous. Fuck off.

There are valid criticisms to be made about this show if you engage with the show in good faith and judge it by its own merit instead of just comparing it scene by scene to the books. For instance I think it’s fairly obvious that the first season suffered as a result of late stage rewrites made to account for a shortened episode count, and Perrin’s arc in particular was off to a rough start.

But in season 2 I think they are doing a lot of things right, and the change of speeding up his acceptance of his wolfkin powers is a Very good one I think.

And the rest of this season rules to be totally honest. All of the Moiraine and Lan stuff is Great and really sets up for later events so well. And I am enjoying Everything about how the show is handling the Forsaken so far. Episode 4 was my favorite yet, Lanfear is fucking Perfect. This season is absolutely nailing character beats for all the most important characters, and doing excellent character work around the major themes of the book series and setting up for future key events. Every scene with any of the Aes Sedai is my favorite. And some things have been markedly improved by the show over the books. I cannot get over how good the team up of Mat and Min is so far. And the normalization of polyamory in the culture of randland is Brilliant for the long term series.

If this show gets cancelled because so many of the book fans refuse to even try to engage with it for what it is instead of what isn’t, it will be a goddamn tragedy. And if you’re just really disappointed that you can’t as easily skip the scenes with the girls the way you skipped the POV chapters of all the women when reading the books then please take a big step back and ask yourself if unchecked misogyny is a good look in 2023.

[lemonhemlock]

Why Jace/Helaena isn't the foolproof solution it seems

My brothers in green, allow me to put forth my defense of Alicent’s rejection of this infamous marriage proposal, lauded as a possible solution to the Dance. Bear with me since this may get a little long. 

Context

Rhaenyra proposes this to Alicent in episode 6 ("The Princess and the Queen") as a means of closing the chasm between their families.

Additionally, Rhaenyra offers that if Syrax brings forth a clutch of eggs, the dragon-less Aemond will have his pick of them. Viserys calls this a very handsome gift.

Alicent tries to extricate herself from the situation, so as to not refuse Rhaenyra outright. She tells her she will consider her offer and, luckily for her, is provided with the perfect exit opportunity - Rhaenyra's clothes have stained with breastmilk.

Now, marriage proposals are an issue to be considered carefully, not a decision you make on the spot or overnight, so Alicent is right to exercise her right to "think about it", however, I will grant that the scene immediately after shows that she has absolutely no intention of accepting, at least not in that very moment. Could she have changed her mind after sleeping on it? Let's see.

Rhaenyra has just given birth to her third child, who looks nothing like her husband Laenor and everything like her paramour Harwin Strong. Courtiers have started whispering more loudly than ever and Rhaenyra feels threatened by this.

What does Team Black gain from this?

Jace benefits from Helaena's legitimacy and quells at least some rumours about his bastard status. If The Queen herself is willing to betroth her only daughter to him, it must mean that he is legitimate, right?

A dragon's egg is no great loss for Rhaenyra, she has a female dragon actively laying eggs. There will be others if she has any need. This move costs her next-to-nothing.

I will give Rhaenyra the benefit of the doubt here and accept that she was genuinely trying to mend the rift between her and Alicent's side of the family. However, I will suggest that, up to this point, she has already dug herself in such a hole, that right now all she can do is damage control.

So let's see why Alicent might refuse her, apart from petty reasons.

Jace's legitimacy

The main issue here is that, unfortunately, Jace is so obviously not Laenor's son that everyone with eyes knows him to be a bastard. Rhaenyra has tried to transform the court in this theatre of the absurd, where no one is allowed to state the obvious, but this is not something that can carry on indefinitely. I am aware that people in Westeros don't know about genetics, but they are not that unaware. It's not just that Jace doesn't look anything like his white-haired parents, it's that he looks 100% like Harwin Strong's child, who is standing next to him and Rhaenyra. There are cases in which the family resemblances is so strong (heh) that little can be done in trying to deny it. No wonder Alicent feels like she's going mad.

With all of the good intentions of Rhaenyra, Laenor and Viserys, who play along in this ruse and pretend Jace is a Velaryon, the threat of a succession war starting over his right to rule is very real.

This goes beyond the politics of House Targaryen. People often argue that Jace is Rhaenyra's son, not like Cersei's children, who are not Robert's, the actual monarch.

Cersei reasonably gets away with this because her children at least look like her. Rhaenyra's children look nothing like Rhaenyra AND nothing like Laenor. They, instead, look very much like Harwin. It's complete clown behaviour.

The problem is that this threatens the entire system of inheritances in place in Westeros. Bastard children do not inherit for a reason. Marriage is a political and economic alliance between families, where both families are very much invested in the concept that their accumulated wealth / titles / lands / power is transferred to someone who is actually related to them. This is a world without proper contraception, where adultery carries the real threat of pregnancy. The two families involved essentially enter into an agreement that has very real economic consequences (dowries, favours, different types of exchanges) and no one wants to endanger this arrangement because of some random child fathered irresponsibly. One party will always be wronged in a situation like this.

Which is why the issue of Jace's legitimacy should be a big deal for the lords of the realm as well. If it suddenly becomes OK for bastards to be placed in the line of succession, then many of them might get in big trouble. Many conflicts of succession might arise because of this, maybe even wars.

Of course that, as a modern audience, we think it's super unfair that Jace doesn't get to inherit just because he was born out of wedlock. Society has progressed since then, thankfully, with the development of women's rights and family law and, of course, contraceptive methods allowing us, for the first time in history, to choose when/if we have children and how many of them. But Westeros doesn't have that context. So, in order for people to not kill each other endlessly over inheritances, they had to implement SOME rules and settled over male primogeniture. Completely fair? Of course not. But at least it offers some degree of stability.

The effects of this can be seen directly when it comes to the inheritance of the Driftwood Throne. The rest of the trueborn Velaryons (not just Vaemond) have genuine beef with the idea of Luke being ahead in the line of succession. No one else in Westeros gives up their inheritances like this, so why should they?

Therefore, why should the people of Westeros accept a ruler that doesn't respect the laws of the land or one who creates special exemptions for themselves, without putting in the proper work to reform society and make it a little more fair? This is a flagrant breach of the Westerosi version of the social contract.

Therefore, I humbly imply that there will be a lot of disgruntled people, upset that the monarch (Rhaenyra) is disregarding the law and fucking up their entire political-economic system of inheritance.

Helaena

Jace's rule will, therefore, most likely be contested. Wars may even be fought over it.

By marrying her daughter to a bastard claimant, Alicent could very well be placing Helaena and her future children in danger. Violent conflict tends to not be kind to women. Remember what happened to Elia Martell and her children? That came to pass because it was far more expedient if Robert Baratheon didn't have any other rival claimants to this throne. People like to pretend that this is an imagined threat, in order to demonise Alicent, but it is not.

That being said, Helaena may very well die due to illness or in childbirth. Unfortunately, medieval-style medicine was not kind to people, especially women. What happens then to this great alliance? Alicent doesn't have a replacement for Helaena to offer up to Jace. What if she dies childless? I would argue this is not that far-fetched of a possibility.

Helaena will essentially be a hostage for the Blacks. Rhaenyra doesn't have a daughter to give to Alicent, so that they could be even steven. From Alicent's POV, she is basically handing over her daughter to someone she doesn't even trust.

Alicent's sons

Alicent has three living sons. That's a lot of options for people to rally behind, if they have a problem with Rhaenyra becoming Queen.

Why does everyone believe that Aegon/Aemond/Daeron would be safe, just because Helaena would be married to Jace? Helaena couldn't do a damn thing to stop their execution, if Rhaenyra's claim was contested.

Even if you want to argue that Rhaenyra could never do such a thing, Daemon definitely would order hit jobs on them or murder them himself if necessary. He really is That Girl.

This is, of course, supposing that Rhaenyra does end up marrying Daemon in this scenario as well. I would argue it's a very real possibility, since they are so obsessed with each other.

Dragons

As it stands in Ep. 6, Team Black has 4 dragons at their disposal (Syrax, Seasmoke, Vermax, Arrax), with a new dragon egg for Joffrey that will later hatch into Tyraxes, making that 5. There is the possibility of Meleys (?), if push comes to shove. It's debatable whether Daemon & Laena would join her side, but it's worth mentioning they themselves have 3 additional dragons (Moondancer, Caraxes and freaking VHAGAR). If Rhaenyra keeps having children, they most definitely will have dragons.

What does Team Green have? SUNFYRE. Whom Aegon bonded with as a hatchling, making him young and small. Daeron is in Oldtown by now, so maybe he has already bonded with Tessarion, another hatchling. That brings Team Green's dragon count to a pitiful 2 baby dragons with inexperienced riders.

Helaena doesn't have a dragon in episode 6, because Aemond is seen going towards Dreamfyre. He would not be doing that if he knew Dreamfyre was bonded to his sister, it would be illogical. For someone as dragon-obsessed as he is, he definitely would know that.

So what happens between episodes 6 and 7? Helaena must have claimed Dreamfyre. At the end of the episode, we see 3 dragons flying back towards King's Landing. One of them is obviously Sunfyre, one is the newly-acquired Vhagar, Daeron is in Oldtown, so the other one must be Dreamfyre.

We know from Aegon and Aemond's conversation in Ep. 7 that Aegon and Helaena have been betrothed. Why? I would wager one of the reasons is that Helaena turned out to be a dragon-rider herself.

There is no way in hell Alicent would be giving Rhaenyra Helaena, alongside Dreamfyre, her biggest freaking dragon (remember Vhagar has not been claimed yet).

As it stands, when Alicent approved of the betrothal between Aegon and Helaena, her side of the family had two small dragons and Helaena's DREAMFYRE, quite a sizeable beast, a huge win for Team Green. Ain't no way Rhaenyra is getting her hands on her daughter now. Dreamfyre was Princess Rhaena's dragon, the Queen in the West/East. She should be larger than Syrax and Seasmoke, even Caraxes or Meleys, more on par with Vermithor and Silverwing.

You know what else Dreamfyre is? A female, egg-laying dragon, who has resided all this time in the Dragonpit. Which makes Rhaenyra's additional offer of a dragon egg moot. Why would Aemond need eggs from Syrax, when he already had access to eggs from the unclaimed Dreamfyre? Remember, Dreamfyre laid the egg Rhaenyra chose for ther brother Baelon - the same egg that Daemon stole, so it's not as if she's hit dragon menopause. Jace and Luke are shown to have picked the egg for Joffrey themselves from the Dragonpit; it is not specified whether this is Syrax's egg. If necessary, Viserys is still King, he can order additional eggs to be brought from Dragonstone for Aemond to pick.

This has already turned out very long, but, all in all, I wanted to point out the flaws in Rhaenyra's plan regarding Jace and Helaena's possible betrothal. I appreciate the fact that she was trying to remedy the rift, but she failed to understand why this deal was not exactly the home-run for Team Green that she intended. A very good arrangement for her, but not necessarily great for Alicent's peace of mind.

[katshuya]

cheating is a thing in Westeros, sono, Rhaegar isn't that bad in the characters' eyes when it's a common thing, and no, he didn't cheat. Elia was Dornish, and it's in their tradition, so she would accept it. And that makes Rhaegar much less guilty in Elia's eyes.

As for the favoring Lyanna over

Elia...well, the truth is Lyanna is the prophecy woman just as Rhaellaonce was. She plays a role in savingWesteros with Jon. She did more likable and attention attracting things like fighting against injustices while Elia only brithed children for the prophcey that ended up not related to the prophecy.

So, it is a normal reaction. Lyanna actually did something.

If Aegon is going to be alive, then he will not be important like Jon nor as honorable or good-hearted. He'll be Daenerys' enemy.

As for the pesants' deaths, they were for the greater good. Cruel but inevitable. But I agree some of them were unnecessary like Rhaegar's children, BUT they had nothing to do with Rhaegar or lyanna. I guess the author is trying to say that the prophecy children should come from only certain people, and Elia, unfortunately for her, stood in the way of the prophecy.

It may seem unfair, but that is the world of the AOIAF.

If Elia should accept her kingdom's tradition about *cheating* as you put it and had absolutely no problem with it (even though Arianne threatened Arys, Lord Yournword fought Oberyn. Oberyn never married, so he doesn't stay committed to someone, Doran married for love and stayed single afterwards.) then Lyanna had no right to complain about Robert's outside of marriage sexual activities and should have carried on with marrying him. Since cheating a tradition in Westeros.

Do you even hear yourself?

The normal reaction for you is that Lyanna escapes Robert and choses a married man but Elia should accept being abandoed for someone else after all she sacrificed?

You are sick. You are so passive-aggressive against a woman who gave everything for that nasty prophecy that you claim to be more important than thousands of deaths. A woman who paid a very high prince for Rhaegar's pitiful desires, Lyanna, to be free from Robert,Aerys madness and Tywin's grudge only to be raped and killed with her children's blood on her.

You are sick for thinking the prophecy justifies anything. Or that Rhaegar and Lyanna were heros.

Elia didn't stand in the way of the prophecy. She is standing in the way of your ugly and nasty ship.

You are trying to act logical and calm when you are just mad.

I'm not sure what else Elia should do to look as cool as perfect saint lyanna the good in your eyes.

Defy Rhaegar and refuse to give him children so she doesn't risk her life?

You would have said it's her fault that Rhaegar left her because she didn't give him what he needed, and Lyanna so perfectly was ready to give them to him.

You are just dying to prove their actions that lead to thousands of deaths as heroic. You have the same mindest as war criminals.

You need help. I'm serious.

[ystrike1]

The Golden Forest - By YUN Sori (9.5/10)

This is the yandere fantasy epic. The hole in one. I have my own personal tastes, but this is it. Story wise there are no plot holes. The female lead is strong in a way that makes sense, because she was cursed with a hard life. The absolute savagery displayed by her two love interests doesn't make them any less interesting. They are not meatheads, idiots, or madmen. They are so much more dangerous than all of those things.

Reniae rejected a blessing from a goddess, and so it morphed into a curse. The gods can be generous, but not when you cross them. Reniae was supposed to accept a blessing that would bring love into her life. Everlasting, powerful love from strong suitors. The problem is Reniae is an orphan, who was only five or six at the time. She is afraid of men, and she most certainly did not want to be desired by anyone powerful.

I'll admit it. The beginning is the weakest part of this story. There's alot of plot convenience, but it's worth it because everything is connected, and the fantasy world is well developed. Reniae is pretending to be a man in the beginning of this story. She avoids eye contact and she doesn't even talk to men, because her blessing of love is now a curse. If any man tries to rape her or attack her they are killed brutally by black smoke. It only happens under certain conditions, and sometimes it kills innocent people. After the smoke kills four men she meets a handsome man, who is about to die. Her curse has killed lots of people. She's lonely, and also her first love betrayed her. She decides to save the man, but she covers his eyes. The curse makes men want her madly, so she strikes a deal with the bloody man. She says she'll heal him and protect him, if he agrees to sleep with her (with the mask on) after he heals.

I know it sounds a little weird, but Reniae has been surrounded by cursed men obsessed with her since childhood. She just wants to try to have a normal kind of relationship with one. Just once, without the curse. The man she picked up is named Kun, and he doesn't break his promise. He keeps the mask on, and Reniae shares the origin legend of her southern homeland. The origin of her world is about the selfishness of love. Immortal sky folk used to exist. Dragons and big eagles too. The dragon and the highest angel both fell for a spirit, who lived inside a golden tree. She was beautiful and perfect. The two gods took human forms so she would love them...and she didn't. It was a one sided love. That love caused so much horror. The highest angel gave up his immortal life, and condemned his descendants to mortal lives on the ground. The dragon grew resentful, and tried to manipulate the tree spirit when she refused his affections. In the end the beautiful tree spirit was devoured by a wretched eagle beast who raped her. Then, the world became the imperfect thing it is today.

Reniae believes the tree spirit was in the right. The two gods tried to force her to love them with begging, bribes, and manipulation. They created the imperfect mortal world with their selfishness. If they had just left the tree spirit alone everybody would still be immortal and floating in space. They were obsessed with her. They did not respect her. Kun does not agree. He believes that love will be reciprocated if you put in enough effort. He's a very earnest, religious, and conservative man. He falls for Reniae even though he can't see her face. He respects her hunting skill, and he's grateful to her for saving his life. He accidentally says he'd like to put a child in her. He kisses her hands while she's asleep. Remember. Kun cannot see her face. The curse is not affecting him. He is wholly and utterly convinced that Reniae is his destined partner. She refuses to even tell him her name. When they have sex she doesn't take the freaking mask off his eyes, but he believes it. Reniae has been burned once before, so after he heals she leaves him alone in the woods. Misunderstandings unfold. Kun returns to slaughter the rest of her group. She lived with unscrupulous thieves to stay alive. He kills every one, and naturally she thinks he wants her dead. Then, she finds out he's a prince...with a wife and a child on the way.

Owch.

Another big betrayal.

Reniae goes back down south, because her heart is melting. Her first love branded her. There's a spell on her heart that will kill her in four days, if certain conditions are met. Magic doesn't thrive up north. That's why she hid there, but now king Kun is killing every bandit on his land. She can't stay, so she returns to her toxic...ex-master who is too racist to admit that he's physically attracted to her. Yup. I really hope Gizzida loses. He's a total nutjob who barely manages to look sane, because he's crafty. He's annoyingly smart and he's the most gifted magic user ever. He technically fell in love with Reniae when she was a child, but it wasn't sexual love then. Not really. The beginning of their relationship was paltonic. They were an overly close master and servant. He thinks of her as a mud person. An ant that entertains him. That's what he tells himself, but then he suffers. He gets hurt for her sake. He spoils her. He sacrifices for her and avoids his duties. He starts acting...stupid...

Gizzida became her master for a reason. The Golden Forest needs female sacrifices. The slaves think they will be used to give birth. There are only 1,200 descendants of the sky people left who can use magic. They're basically a cult. A dying one which wishes to ascend to heaven by committing genocide. They are much more savage than the northmen, even though they believe they are superior. Gizzida didn't know he felt possessive of Reniae because magic users don't marry. They just breed as a group for ten days a year. His feelings are totally unnatural, and his students think he's insane.

The harvest festival comes, and it's a fucked up orgy. The current leader is supposed to rape a bunch of girls one by one, and kill them on an altar. For fertility or something. The sky descendants have succumbed to madness. They believe they're special to the gods, but they're not. They're just a cult with way too much terrifying magic power. Sex with the sacrifice isn't really necessary. They just need to die for no reason in the orgy room. Reniae is cursed so she's able to escape the leader of the sky cult. Gizzida covers her escape, and that's when he uses a brand to bind her to the forest. He never wants her to leave him, but she must hide for four days, until the succession is done. One of Gizzida's pupils turns against him. She warns Reniae and tells her to hide in the mountains that cannot feel magic. Reniae denies it, but then she feels the pain. Gizzida branded her because he wants her, and that's not love.

After Reniae returns she sees with Gizzida has become. He's just like the last sky cult leader, but he's stronger and...much worse. He does the orgy thing every damn year. He kills helpless slaves in cult ceremonies, and he sleeps with countless women to enrich his species. When Reniae comes back he makes her his bodyguard. He admits leading the cult is driving him nuts. He tells Reniae to never leave his sight. He even makes her watch him sleep with women.

Gizzida thinks he has to kill every person in the north to become a god. Kun, and his men, are descendants of the eagle who ate the tree spirit. The northmen feared, hated, and revered their cruel god. The eagle ate their daughters, but it also taught them how to thrive in the north. The northmen decided to be better. After the gods diminished they became a militarized, modern people. They believe in strict monogamy and violent honor. Gizzida figures out that Reniae is the one who saved Kun. He sends her up north to kill him. There, Reniae finds the truth. Kun has been waiting for her. She is the wife he was bragging about. He didn't even have a child. That was just a rumor. After Kun slept with her he confirmed their marriage vows alone, and he's been using his eagles to look for her. He's a tad bit unstable after waiting for so long but he's husband material. He's awesome and Reniae does love him back. Even though he stood vigil over her with an axe so she couldn't escape and stuff. Even though he's so rough in bed that a doctor always has to see her after. (I do think they'd be a great couple but Gizzida sucks).

Terrible news. Reniae was half sky priest all along. She can use magic. She was most likely a leftover baby from a sacrifice and a guilty member of the cult. That means Gizzida can bang her now. Ew. He's been waiting a VERY long time for an excuse to do that. He has amassed a huge amount of magic power. He's strong enough to kill Kun with one spell, so she has to play Gizzida's sick game. He makes her tell Kun he's an ugly eagle demon no one could love, and she also has to...bleh...kiss Gizzida in front of the man she truly wanted to marry.

The story isn't over yet, but even if the ending is trash it's a yandere masterpiece.

[itsnotzka]

Hello! Huh, what's this? A silly, cheesy little thing, I'd say ;)

TW: (very mild) alcohol, talking about stalking in a not very serious manner Genre: ...fluff? Silly fluff? Confused fluff? Word count: 5,3k Characters: Jake x Phil You can also read it on Ao3.

Not your stalker

With a quiet, contented sigh and a smile on his face, Phil finally let the last customer out and closed the door of Aurora behind them. He turned around and took a few steps towards the center of the pub, taking it all in. The wooden floors creaked softly under his feet. The air was thick with the comforting scent of dust, cigarette smoke, and the faint aroma of old furniture.

He knew it wasn’t the most pleasant smell for most, but for him, it was everything. To Phil, it was more than just a smell; it was a reminder of all he had, and almost lost just a couple of months back. 

Every time he started cleaning up Aurora for the night, he thought about the day he was accused of a crime he didn’t commit and thrown into jail for a few weeks, with basically no explanation. The memories still lingered in his mind, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth.

For quite some time, nobody really cared about him. They had other things on their minds, such as their missing friends being found. He knew he wasn't a perfect person. People tended to either love him or hate him. However, at that time, those he thought were his friends simply didn't care, while those who couldn't stand him laughed behind his back. There was somehow no in-between.

The bartender couldn't help but smile, still lost in thought. He was released from custody only because someone had paid his bail. Then, mysteriously, his lawyer found evidence of his innocence. Normally, there would be nothing unusual about this—lawyers have their own methods for uncovering the truth and exploiting legal loopholes—but the sudden clarity of this particular situation was nothing short of a miracle. At least it felt that way. Despite the happy outcome, his lawyer seemed eager to sever all ties with Phil as soon as possible. In fact, he refused to even accept any money from him, leaving Phil with a sense of both gratitude and absolute confusion.

He hadn’t told his sisters about it. At first, he suspected they might have been involved, but he quickly dismissed the thought. He knew Jessy and Angela all too well; they were always quick to point out his flaws and mistakes, even the smallest ones. Surely, they wouldn't have helped him without a big, wonderful lecture about his life. So he just told them the case was solved, period.

He stopped caring about it and moved on. At least, that's what he was telling himself. He shook his head in frustration, trying not to overanalyze everything once again.

He walked over to the bar, slowly making his way through the tables, turning off the lights, picking up empty beer mugs, and wiping down the surfaces. Unable to shake his thoughts away, he changed the music to something less modern to keep his mind off things, but it didn't help either. Then he was suddenly snapped out of his thoughts by the sound of the bell hanging above the door.

“I’m sorry, I already closed the pub,” he said, turning towards the sound. “Come back tomorrow, eh?”

Only then did he look at the person standing in the doorway and frown. He didn't recognize them. He knew basically every face, every name in Duskwood, after all. He knew at least something about everyone. Those were the advantages of running the only pub in town! Rumors came to him, and tourists, if they appeared at all, came early and didn't stay long.

And yet… there was a stranger in front of him.

The man didn’t answer. He just raised his brow slowly, glanced at Phil, and then looked around the pub.

“Look… I'm tired, I've already cleared the tables. I can give you a beer to go, but that's it,” the bartender said again, his tone tinged with a hint of annoyance.

“I don’t drink,” the stranger replied, his voice resonant and clear, his eyes meeting the bartender's.

Phil paused, the corners of his eyes narrowing slightly as he tried to read the stranger's face, but it was particularly hard. “So, can I help you with anything else?” he asked with a sigh, crossing his arms over his chest. He wasn't sure, but the stranger seemed to give him a small smile. Then the man closed the door behind him and briskly walked down the two steps that led inside the pub.

“I just thought I could finally visit this place,” the man replied casually.

The bartender sighed deeply, trying to keep his composure. "Listen, man… I already told you, Aurora is closed for the night," Phil said firmly, walking over to the door and opening it wide. "I'm sorry, but I can't let you stay here. Now be so kind and get out, or I'll call the police.”

"Oh? The same police that were stupid enough to arrest you?" the stranger’s mocked.

The pub was quite dark, with most of the lamps already turned off by Phil. But at that moment, the light of a street lamp shone in through the open pub door, casting a warm glow on the stranger's face, finally illuminating his features.

As the bartender glanced at his unexpected guest, he noticed the fairly young man was likely around his age, if not a few years older. His all-black outfit, complete with a backpack clearly designed for carrying a laptop, gave him a serious and tidy vibe. Although his nearly black hair seemed neatly combed, it curled in every direction, as if mocking his efforts to keep it in check. Phil couldn't help but notice the man's tired, dark eyes. Yet there was something about his gaze, a level of… maturity that Phil had not expected to see.

“Get out,” the bar owner repeated, but without much conviction.

The stranger laughed softly but ignored his words, calmly and surely walking over to the bar. Laying his heavy backpack on one of the barstools, he sat on another, resting his hands on the counter.

“Could I get some coffee?” he asked, looking over his shoulder at the somewhat confused bartender.

Phil was not a person to be easily upset. True, sometimes he could say too much or react too harshly, but only with words. He was good with words and with people. But for some reason, the stranger didn't seem to care about that… and it was annoying.

“What do you want from me? Didn't you hear what I said?” Phil snapped, his frustration boiling over. He slammed the door shut, the sound reverberating through the room. Turning to the man, he stomped over, his footsteps echoing in the silence. Grabbing the stranger's arm, he spun him around on the stool with such force that he almost fell off his seat.

Phil was surprised when the stranger didn’t react with fear or surprise, but instead looked at him with an understanding gaze, as if he knew something that Phil didn't. The bartender's anger slowly dissipated as he studied the man's reaction, taking a small step back.

"Now, to answer your questions…”  the man sighed, shifting on the barstool once more. “First, I'd appreciate some coffee or something else with caffeine. For your other concern… of course, I've heard what you said, but I don't necessarily want to leave. The truth is, I feel like I owe you this meeting… or at least an explanation."

Phil scoffed. "Oh, you think so?"

"Correct," the stranger exhaled. "I should have done it sooner, but somehow, well... To be completely honest with you, Hawkins, I think you were getting on my nerves a bit too much," he added with a lopsided smile.

"So, you know who I am?" Phil's anger was replaced by curiosity in less than a few seconds.

The bartender then quickly bit his bottom lip, refraining from asking the stranger more. He was well aware of one of his greatest flaws and, even though he didn't like to admit it to himself too often, he secretly enjoyed being the center of attention. No matter what.

"So... no coffee then? Well, that's a shame," the stranger rested his hands on the counter once more and pointed to a soda drink on the right side behind the bar. "So let’s put it this way. The truth is, I happen to know quite a bit about you accidentally, even though you probably don't know who I am. Before you jump to any conclusions - no, I am not your stalker; no, I am not trying to extort money from you; and no, I am definitely not involved in any scheme or conspiracy that would require your involvement."

"You know about me... accidentally ?" Phil repeated doubtfully, walking behind the bar and facing the stranger. "What kind of bullshit is that?"

"Oh, well..." he chuckled again, "I wouldn't say it’s bullshit. Not entirely, at least. You see, we both became involved in the same case a while back, and I was actually forced to learn more about you. You understand that I did not do this for my own enjoyment, although I must admit..." he hesitated, then cringed, "You are not very cautious with what you post online; that was so easy... So yes. It was, at least to some extent, accidental."

"The same case...? Wait, wait, hold on..." Phil resisted the urge to grab his own head in surprise. "Are you... that guy? That hacker or whatever. That tech-savvy guy that disappeared after Hannah was found? No way it’s you… Police say he's dead. That he died during the mine fire."

“I have two pieces of information for you,” the stranger leaned forward conspiratorially and spread his hands. “The first one... I’ve heard you were a good bartender. I somehow can’t picture that, you know?”

Phil looked completely confused as the man rolled his eyes slightly and nodded meaningfully at the soda bottle once more. Gritting his teeth, Phil blindly reached into the fridge, pulled out a bottle, slammed it against the counter, opened it with the agility of a truly experienced bartender, and pushed it towards the man, ending with a jazz hands gesture.

Annoyed jazz hands gesture.

The man only chuckled and nodded in approval, taking a sip of his long-awaited drink.

"And the second thing?" the bartender urged.

“The second thing!” the stranger chuckled. “The second thing is… I don't think you trust the police after all the trouble they caused you, so do you think you should trust them if they say that guy is dead? You’re talking about that Ironsplinter mine fire, correct?”

“Yeah… there was no way he survived that.”

“Oh?” the man chuckled, “I think his chances were quite good, actually.”

Phil frowned, “How so?”

"Well..." the stranger spread his hands again. "I'm not an expert, but I know a thing or two about mines. Actually, I know a lot about many things, but it doesn't matter now... I won't bore you with the details because you probably don't care, but believe me, there are many safety features in mines like that one that can help you survive fire, explosion, shockwaves... It's just a matter of knowing your surroundings well. The amount of air can be a problem during a fire like that, but it can also be remedied. So… maybe he didn't die after all. But what do I know?”

“That's… interesting,” Phil concluded, and the stranger snorted.

The bartender fell silent, analyzing every single word the stranger had said. It was already clear to Phil that he would not tell him anything directly, especially not about himself. The man didn't confirm anything explicitly, but he didn't have to. Phil already knew the answer to his question.

“Alright, I get it… So should I call you Jake, then? That was the name of that techie guy, if I remember correctly.”

“Was it, really?” the stranger smirked. “In that case, you can call me whatever you want, Hawkins. Jake is a name as good as any.”

“Really? Okay then, Techie,” Phil placed his palms on the counter. “You’ve said you owed me… why exactly? Why are you here?” he reiterated, still confused by the stranger’s presence.

Jake paused for a moment, his piercing gaze fixed on the bar owner. Phil was not one to be easily intimidated, but there was something about Jake that made him uneasy yet intrigued at the same time. Was it his unwavering confidence, his carefree attitude, or maybe something else entirely?

“I understand that my visit may seem unnecessary, but I felt compelled to come,” Jake responded, his tone measured and deliberate. “You see, there’s something about you that… let’s say, that doesn’t add up to me.”

“Oh…” the bartender nodded, feeling annoyed and somehow disappointed again. “So you want to accuse me of more things, then? Tell me I should rot in jail, like some other wonderful people?”

“No... nothing like that,” the man chuckled nervously, his dark hair falling onto his forehead. He brushed the locks away with a casual flick of his hand, trying to hide the fact that he was clearly troubled. As he paused to collect his thoughts, his eyes darted around the room. Finally, he spoke again, his voice hesitant and uncertain.

“I know someone anonymously paid your bail, and I may know more about that. I may know a lot about that. And I believe it still bothers you, so I think I should share it with you. And, well… I suppose what I'm trying to say is that this meeting has been weighing heavily on my mind. I've been thinking about it quite often, trying to figure out what to say or… how to say it, and I think I still don’t know… I mean… okay, here's the thing. Do you remember the second person who got involved in this case by accident?” Jake continued, “You… you invited her to Aurora. She never came here, but still, you did, and—”

“The girl? Shit… okay, now I think I get it,” the bartender sighed deeply and nodded, as he couldn’t believe it was that simple. It was always that simple when there were feelings involved. “Don’t tell me… It hit your ego, didn't it? You liked her, right? Did you come to tell me I was not only released from the arrest thanks to you, but they actually arrested me because of you in the first place? You got jealous of that girl, and that's why I had a shitty couple of months? Was it your revenge?”

The stranger shrugged, but his awkward smile said it all.

Guilty as charged.

“Great... so you almost ruined my life over some chick I don't even know?! Only because I invited her here? I did nothing wrong! Couldn't you explain it between you two? You had to get me into this… And you still have the nerve to come to my bar and—”

“No, wait,” the alleged hacker silenced him with a gesture. “I mean… you almost got it right. I do feel guilty you were in that arrest for quite some time, but for a different reason…” the stranger rubbed his neck nervously. “What if… hypothetically, of course, what if I knew right away how to get you out of this? I knew you were innocent and I had proof for that? But... she was so interested in you... and you in her! And I didn't want you to be interested in her… I guess I was just… confused about you. Shit, it doesn't make sense, does it?”

Phil frowned, but slowly the meaning of the stranger's words began to dawn on him. He wasn't after the girl who helped solve the case. Techie was after… him.

He was jealous of… him?

Was that even possible?

He knew he should be angry. Furious even! It was about his life! Countless hours wasted in the arrest he didn’t deserve! Yet, somehow… The guilty look on the stranger’s face made it fade away. He'd be lying if he said he didn't wonder who that mysterious hacker was from back then, or why exactly he was involved in the case. He knew back then that the answers to these questions were just beyond his reach, but now, miraculously, he was sitting in front of him, almost vulnerable and almost exposed. His fascination overcame his anger. The stranger's eyes were full of remorse, and for a moment, he felt a twinge of sympathy.

Sympathy and something else, but he wasn’t sure what it was…

Curiosity!

It had to be just curiosity.

“My, my… So I think you are my stalker, after all…” The bartender hummed, taking two steps away from Jake, but somehow couldn't help but smile.

“No. No, no. Nuh-uh! This statement is definitely not true!” The alleged hacker protested immediately, pointing his finger at Phil as he blushed a bit, his heart pounding in his chest. "I know things about you, and I learned them without your consent, that is correct. Good luck to you with suing me. But I— it’s not my fault. And I didn’t— I wasn’t really— I just wanted to understand you better!" He paused and took a deep breath. "Didn't I help you after all?! You got out, didn’t you? And I am not a stalker! Jesus, I think I need a real drink… " he trailed off.

The bartender was taken aback by the unexpected outburst and blinked a couple of times in confusion. However, he soon burst out laughing, unable to hold it any longer. "Wow, you really lost your cool there, man… You’ve just admitted to some weird things…" he said between chuckles, "I didn’t think it was possible! In fact, you sound exactly like a stalker trying to explain himself, you know." The bartender knew his mocking tone only made the situation more awkward and uncomfortable for the stranger.

“Yeah.. Coming here was a mistake, I guess…” Jake scoffed, grabbed his backpack, and was about to jump off the stool and leave the pub, but Phil, without thinking too much, grabbed his forearm. The stranger winced in surprise, but as his dark eyes met the calm eyes of the bartender, he slowly sat back down.

“Alright, okay. You’re not my stalker, yeah?” Phil smiled,letting go of his arm, “But I think you still owe me more explanation. Fair?”

“F-fair,” the stranger muttered.

To Phil's surprise, Jake leaned forward from his stool and across the counter, invading the bartender's personal space as if it was absolutely nothing unusual. The stranger's arm accidentally grazed Phil's shoulder as he gently pushed him away and reached for a bottle of whiskey and two glasses from behind the bar. Before Phil could even register what was going on, the stranger was already sitting back on his stool, pouring the liquor generously into the glasses.

“I… thought you said you don’t drink,” Phil observed, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah. And I thought you were a self-absorbed, narcissistic, brainless drama queen, and yet here we are, engaging in a somewhat intelligent conversation. How about that?”

Phil chuckled, a bit taken aback, as he watched Jake down his drink in one swift motion, followed by a wince and quiet grunt. With a solid tap, the stranger placed the glass back on the counter, exhaling audibly.

“That’s some terrible whiskey, Hawkins,” he admitted, reaching for the bottle to pour himself another.

“It’s my finest one, Techie,” Phil smirked, “And the most expensive one, too.”

“Still quite terrible, for my sophisticated taste… And don't call me Techie.”

“Then don't call me by my father's stupid name.”

Jake blinked a couple of times, as if realizing something. “Right. I forgot he was an asshole, too. Bigger than you.”

“You forgot— oh, Jesus…” the bartender whined, “Don't tell me you even know about my father? I didn’t post anything about that online… How the fuck? How much do you exactly know about me, Stalker?”

“Again with the stalker…” the hacker poked Phil’s chest with his finger, “Listen, the thing about your father is quite well-known around town, isn't it? It's not that weird that even I know about it… and I didn't have to dig too deep to—”

“Damn it, Stalker.” Phil shook his head in disbelief, “You're a walking red flag. I should have thrown you out as soon as you came here. Why am I even still talking to you?”

“Oh, come on, I've never— I am not that bad.”

“Any other sane person would have handed you over to the police a long time ago, Stalker. You do realize that, don’t you?” Phil finally took the glass into his hand and sipped his whiskey.

“But you won’t do that,” the stranger smiled as he clinked his glass with Phil’s, “You think you’re so much better than me, don’t you?”

“That's very possible. So what do you think about me, then? Besides that I’m a brainless douche, that is…”

The bartender's question lingered in the air for a few seconds before Jake spoke up. His voice was clear and confident, matching the intensity of his gaze, "I have a couple of thoughts, actually," he said, pausing for dramatic effect, taking a sip of his whiskey as well, "Ready? First and foremost, I think that you have an overinflated sense of self-importance," Jake's tone was stern but not unfriendly, "Secondly, you have a habit of getting under my skin. I can't explain it, but something about the way you carry yourself and the things you say just... irks me, but that much you already know. It's like you're actually trying to push my buttons or something!" He shook his head in frustration. "And finally, I think you may be a ginormous asshole, but you're also… intriguing in a way that I don't—don't quite understand." Jake paused once more, letting his words sink in. Then he, once again, angrily poked Phil’s chest with his finger, "And I don't like it. Not. One. Bit.”

“Oh? And you’re very weird, Stalker. You know that, right?” A little pissed off by the stranger's behavior, Phil grabbed Jake's hand and moved it away from his chest, but didn't let it go afterward. Suddenly, he felt a strange warmth spreading throughout his whole body, an electrifying feeling caused by the touch of the hacker's skin on his own. The stranger looked straight at him, his big, dark eyes almost like they were trying to read his soul. The expression on his face reminded Phil of a deer in the headlights and it definitely didn't help him with getting rid of the hacker.

As Phil slowly released his hand, the silence between them engulfed them both. Jake’s Breathing became heavier, and his cheeks, once pale, now glowed with a blush.

The bartender rested his elbows on the counter right next to him. Close enough to feel the slight touch of fabric of Jake's hoodie on his skin. The stranger's earlier confidence seemed to have disappeared, and the bartender couldn't tell whether it was the alcohol or Jake's confessions that had caused this change.

After a brief moment of silence, the stranger spoke up, "I'm sorry," he said, leaning forward slightly.

The bartender furrowed his brows. "What exactly are you sorry for? Because I could name a few things now..."

The hacker smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes, "I didn't mean to be annoying, "he admitted, his hand idly drifting towards the bottle of whiskey on the counter. He rested his hand on it but refrained from lifting it. “I'm not exactly a people person, you see. I just… I wanted to get you out of my head. It didn’t quite work out as I expected…”

Feeling the weight of the moment, Phil gently placed his hand on the whiskey bottle, his fingers brushing against Jake's. The hacker hesitated, his gaze locked onto Phil's intense stare.

In a soft, almost whispered voice, Phil spoke, "Easy there. You're not much of a drinker, and if there's something you want from me, I want you to be clear-headed enough to ask for it. You're already a puzzle without the alcohol. Stick to your soda, Stalker."

Jake's eyes shifted from Phil's to the bottle, as if contemplating its significance. 

After a moment of reflection, Phil continued, his voice measured, "Alright, let's lay it out. You're quiet, so let me see if I understand correctly..." He released his grip on the bottle, meeting Jake's gaze with a steady intensity. "You're suggesting that I'm getting under your skin, but I'd argue otherwise. I have a feeling you actually like me, and you're just not sure how to handle it. That’s your dilemma, Techie.”

"Wow, okay. If what you're saying would even be true," Jake said dismissively, "Would that even be a problem? Like, you know… my problem?”

Phil leaned in closer to Jake once more, a small smile forming on his lips. His fingers traced the hem of the stranger's sleeve playfully as he leaned forward more, "Well, we could always make it my problem, too," he replied, his voice barely above a whisper, “Because, believe it or not, you somehow… fascinate me, too.”

“Oh?”

"Don't get me wrong... You obviously have issues, and I have a feeling your mere presence means trouble. But, the thing is, I don't mind trouble. Life’s boring without it, right? And maybe I should keep an eye on you… to stop you from stalking me further. So… which is it? Do you like me or hate me?"

Jake’s dark hair fell across his face, but Phil could still see the glint in his eyes, "I still can’t decide… Can I say it's both?"

Phil’s smirk grew wider, “It never happens, you know. People either love me or hate me. But you…” he shook his head, “You’re different.”

“Is that a compliment? Are you telling me I’m special? It could be good and bad, you know…” Jake chuckled as he playfully pushed him away, his hand lingering on his chest a little too long.

Then Phil realized he was somehow already long gone... The stranger had managed to wrap the bartender around his finger without him even noticing. The mischievous twinkle in Jake's dark, deep eyes was impossible to resist, drawing Phil towards him like two black holes. Phil found himself powerless to resist the pull, feeling as though he had absolutely nowhere to run.

“What?” Jake asked, noticing Phil was staring at him without saying a word, “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I have an idea how to help you with your dilemma. Can I… check something?” Phil tilted his “Um, what exact—” Jake wanted to ask, but he didn’t get to finish his question.

Phil was tired of guessing. He sighed, taking the stranger’s face into his hands, his fingers gently entwining with the strands of Jake's dark, tousled hair. As he leaned in, his heart raced, and he could feel the warmth of the hacker's breath on his lips. Yet, to his surprise, Jake tensed up, his eyes widening in a mixture of anticipation and uncertainty. Phil's fingers tightened slightly on Jake's hair, reassuring and firm.

Their kiss was soft, almost tentative, their lips barely grazing each other's. Yet, Phil's tongue slowly found its way into Jake's mouth, and the man welcomed it with a quiet sigh.

That was it. That was what Phil wanted to achieve. 

Phil couldn't suppress a chuckle as the taste of whiskey lingered on Stranger's lips, a soft, breathless sound passing between them. He felt Jake's hesitant smile against his own,a silent acknowledgment that he finally realized what it was all about.

The bartender was suddenly glad that there was a bar counter between them, otherwise he would have pulled the stranger much closer.

“Shit… you really did that,” Jake mumbled as they broke the kiss, but they stayed close, “And you know what’s worse? Fuck, Hawkins, I think I liked that…”

Phil's lips curved into a smirk, his voice low and hoarse as he looked deep into the Stranger’s eyes that no longer felt strange to him, “Liked it, eh? Well, well, well... Seems like we've stumbled upon something interesting here.”

Jake exhaled, his reddened lips still curled into a smile, “Don’t get any ideas, Hawkins…”

The stranger leaned back a bit as Phil’s hands let go of his hair. Then he playfully tugged at Phil's t-shirt, the fabric stretching slightly as he did so.

Suddenly, the watch on the stranger's hand emitted a high, short beep, interrupting the moment. Jake’s expression changed immediately as he glanced at the device. He sighed heavily in frustration, and without any explanation, moved away from the bartender, hopped off the stool, and grabbed his backpack.

Phil was left quite confused. He quickly jumped out from behind the bar and grabbed the stranger's arm, wanting at least some sort of explanation, “Hey, whoa… What is it?”

"I have to go. I'm sorry,” the stranger said quickly, his tone tinged with regret.

"Wha— Why?" Phil asked, his grip on the stranger's arm tightening, “Is it because we–”

"No," he replied with a slight smile. "I don’t really want to go. But it doesn’t matter. You wouldn't believe me anyway."

Phil's brows furrowed in confusion. "So.. you're just leaving me like that? After we–" he scoffed. "Will I… will I even see you again?"

The stranger paused, a thoughtful expression crossing his features. Then, he smiled slowly, his fingers lightly tugging at the hem of Phil's shirt once more. "Even if I wanted to come back here, which I do not confirm at all," he said, his voice teasing, "I would… probably come here tomorrow, same time. Purely hypothetically, of course. We could… get to know each other better. Properly. Without any hint of stalking."

Phil's heart skipped a beat at the prospect. He needed to see him again.

"Is that so, Stalker?" Phil said, grinning, “You mean I could get to know you better. You already know all about me, right?”

The hacker snorted, “Oh, come on, I thought we’re past it…”

“But I don’t want you to go,” the bartender admitted, his voice softer.

The stranger smiled in a way that made Phil’s head spin, “Too bad, Drama Queen. I’m already gone.”

“Well then, Techie. I’ll be thinking about our next, hypothetical meeting.”

A snort of amusement escaped Jake's lips, but his eyes betrayed his hesitation as he held Phil's gaze, “See you never. I demand coffee next time. And maybe some better whiskey…”

At that moment, it seemed like the hacker wanted to say or do something, but he only managed to muster a frustrated grunt. He shook his head, allowing his dark curls to tumble with the motion, and reluctantly, after a couple of long, long seconds, he finally let go of Phil's shirt. A sly smile then crept across his face, a spark in his eyes that made Phil's heart skip a beat. Despite his temptation to keep the stranger with him for even just a bit longer, Phil grudgingly let him leave. 

With a final glance, the stranger turned on his heels and strode out of the pub, disappearing into the night.

[marshvlovestv]

I've been watching another playthrough of the whole Psychonauts series - not only are they an absolute blast, but I think they're a beautiful example of how people really CAN grow and change and how subconscious bigotry CAN be unlearned. As great as the first Psychonauts is, it stumbles in its depiction of neurodivergence in all its forms. It stumbles hard. From how it casually talks down about "insanity," to playing some of the campers' deep issues for laughs, to the heavily stereotyped and shallow depictions of the asylum patients (the ticking time bomb of a paranoid schizophrenic, the dramatic and self-absorbed manic-depressive, the callous straitjacket and padded cell imagery). At the end of the day the game does feel as though it has compassion for all of these characters, but that compassion is undermined by the need to be funny above all else, and a lack of any real understanding of the issues at play.

By the time Rhombus of Ruin and Psychonauts 2 come out, though, the amount of learning and reflecting that the developers have gone through is beautifully apparent. The language of the game is more careful, there are honest content warnings, the binary between sanity and insanity that the first game operated by is less rigid, and almost every mind Raz enters, no matter how damaged, is treated with respect and compassion. Nowhere is this more obvious than with how the latter two games handle Dr. Loboto, whose "insanity" was in the first game used as a shorthand for "evil." But the devs seem to have learned: someone as mentally ill as him is much more likely to be the victim than the villain. Loboto is recontextualized in Rhombus of Ruin as the victim of medical abuse (an actual lobotomy) that left him heavily damaged mentally. And Psychonauts 2's opening sequence goes even further to show that this left him vulnerable and easily manipulable - he's not a serial henchman because he loves it, it's because people with bad intentions see him as an easy target.

The sequel still isn't perfect, of course. For all it's triumphs it still makes me, as a person with a personality disorder, very uncomfortable that Gristol Malik, the only character depicted without compassion and as wholly irredeemable, is unsubtly supposed to be pop psych's version of a narcissist. Not that this surprises me - even the most supposedly open-minded and accepting of neurodiversity still refuse to show sympathy for people with PDs. But we've already seen that growth and learning are possible. This last tricky thorn in neurodivergent acceptance can be tackled just as anything else can.

I'm thinking about the asylum patients from 1 a lot (hey, as bad as I know it is I still latch onto messy neurodivergent representation like a tick). I hope they're doing well in the kinder world Psychonauts 2 created.

[clacing]

if you don’t mind, can I hear your thoughts on the possibility of Homura having internalized homophobia? I’ve seen a post about it or two, (mostly with the scene where there’s a statue of Madoka (?) ) and I have no idea what the census is on it

First of all I am so sorry you sent me this ask more than a month ago but I had exams at the time and then was too burned out to write anything that made sense so this might be a bit incoherent 😭

I don't know what the consensus is either but I can tell you what I personally think: she doesn’t literally have internalized homophobia, but she's definitely coded that way.

What I mean by that is I don’t think the idea that “my feelings for Madoka are wrong because I’m a girl and she’s a girl” has ever crossed Homura’s mind, because I don’t think Homura considers the feelings themselves to be wrong at all. But that has less to do with Homura valuing herself or the nature of her feelings and everything to do with the object of those feelings being Madoka. 

Homura holds on to her love for Madoka like a lifeline. She embraces it as the reason for her existence, even going on a downward spiral in the Wraith Arc when she realizes her feelings for Madoka are starting to fade along with her memories because it makes her feel purposeless. That love is essential to her survival, and her survival is essential to saving Madoka and preserving her world - so Homura can't hate it, repress it, or resent it, not even if she wanted to. What she can do is refuse to act on it.

Homura hates herself, but she doesn't hate herself because of her feelings for Madoka. She probably would hate herself more if she didn’t adore Madoka. I think it’s more of the opposite, that her feelings are only a problem because she hates herself and thinks she deserves nothing good. Even before meeting Madoka, Homura felt useless and like a burden on those around her, and I can't imagine that feeling has gotten any better after 100+ timelines of trying to save your best friend and only succeeding in making her fate worse.

So in later timelines especially, Homura starts keeping her distance from Madoka to be able to focus on protecting her. She stops touching her, stops trying to build a connection with her, stops interacting with her unless absolutely necessary (though she doesn’t exactly succeed), which is a far cry from how affectionate they used to be with each other. 

Homura won’t allow herself to be happy, won’t think she deserves to be until Madoka is safe, but that goalpost gets farther and farther away ‘cause Madoka only gathers more and more karmic potential - so all that does is make sure she never gets to be happy, because her fight will never really be over.

And I might just be reaching here, but that kind of emotional repression, coupled with the feeling of never doing enough to deserve happiness, because no matter how hard you work or how much you sacrifice, you’re still just a flawed human standing against a system that’s designed to crush you - that just screams Catholic guilt to me. And while we don’t know if Homura is or ever was Catholic herself, we know she did go to Catholic school, which clearly still colors a lot of her language and worldview.

It’s not uncommon for Catholics to “accept” LGBT+ people, but only so long as they’re aware it’s a sin and seek penance for it and keep it to themselves - so plenty of LGBT people who grow up Catholic can acknowledge their feelings and even entertain them to a certain extent, but still struggle to outright act on them. And Homura’s feelings have the added burden of being astronomically strong (I’ll get back to that) which would put off anyone who didn’t know any better - so as they grow over time, she can show less and less of them, but having to repress them also gets harder.

Her literally and figuratively making Madoka her god is an extension of all of that. It’s just much, much easier to justify your feelings for someone if you convince yourself that they are perfect, unreachable and untouchable, because a) They stop being human. They’re a god, and you’re supposed to worship gods, right? b) You can’t do anything to a god. You can’t hurt them or ruin them or make them uncomfortable no matter how much you love them c) A god can’t love you back, so there’s no risk of your feelings being encouraged.

Which brings me to the scene with Madoka’s statue. This scene happens when Homura’s trying to figure out who could’ve trapped all of them in a labyrinth, therefore disrespecting Madoka’s last wish and sacrifice. She makes a big show of caring about Madoka first, about Madoka only - she can’t even spare one second to feel glad that she got to see Madoka again before jumping to Whoever did this is wrong and evil and must be stopped because this is what Madoka gave her life for. 

And while all of this is going on, her familiars are mocking her because they know damn well the person who did this is Homura herself, which is proof that as much as she claims to worship Madoka, to only want what she wants, to be serious about respecting Madoka’s wishes, there is also a part of her that wants her there, that lured her into her labyrinth because she missed her.

We flash back to this scene again when Homura realizes she is the witch, except now Homura sees herself touching Madoka’s statue and staining it. That’s usually the scene people point to when talking about Homura having internalized homophobia, because it can be read as Homura feeling like wanting to be with Madoka again (and inadvertently acting on that desire as a witch) is tainting Madoka’s sacrifice, or as Homura feeling like her love is tainting Madoka herself.

And I think those interpretations are inextricably linked, because the queer coding in Homura’s whole arc is very much intentional. Even when it’s not outwardly about her being a lesbian, everything she goes through resonates so much with every part of the queer experience that it still winds back around to her being a lesbian. Homura has tried so hard to repress the part of herself that doesn’t just want Madoka, but wants her with her; she’s tried to put Madoka’s wishes before her own, and convinced herself that she’s fine with it - but well, witches don’t have that kind of restraints. So Homura is forced to recognize that she’s not happy just standing at the feet of Madoka’s statue and worshipping stone, and that makes the illusion shatter.

And once she stops being able to ignore that she doesn’t see Madoka as a god, not really; and that Madoka maybe didn’t want to be a god in the first place; that’s when she decides to take matters into her own hands.

Remember what I said about Homura’s feelings for Madoka being astronomically strong? What I mean is that they literally aren’t bound to the laws of the universe, because they exist outside of the cycle of hope and despair. Rebellion and Wraith Arc especially imply that her magic is self-sustaining because her magic and her love for Madoka are the same thing - meaning that as long as Homura keeps loving her, there is nothing she can’t do (they actually explain the mechanics of it in Wraith Arc, but it would make this meta even longer and more convoluted than it already is). She is an anomaly, on par with Madoka (maybe even because of Madoka, in much the same way Madoka only became as powerful as she is because of Homura) - so when she says that no one could possibly understand her, that this feeling is hers and hers alone, I believe her! But that’s also just the queer experience again - thinking you’re the only one who’s ever felt like this, that no one could possibly understand you, that somehow what you feel is different and more powerful and potentially more dangerous than all other kinds of love.

But it’s also the only thing that can save Madoka, and we know Homura would damn herself for her. She was willing to die in her labyrinth, away from the Law of Cycles, in despair for all of eternity, to keep Kyubey from getting to Madoka - why not take it one step further to give Madoka a chance at being truly happy? Her love made Madoka a god in the first place, so it stands to reason that if Homura puts her mind to it, it can tear her down and make her human again.

So Homura finally sets that love free. She reaches out and takes Madoka’s hands and declares her love for her to everyone who’s listening. She takes the disruptive potential her love has and takes advantage of it, because Madoka used her infinite power to make the magical girl system a little bit kinder to everyone but Homura looks at the system that's causing the girl she loves so much pain and says the system is wrong - and then demonizes herself for it. But she sets it free nonetheless.

It’s not too different from magical girls releasing their despair and turning into witches, although Homura is obviously affecting the world on a much larger scale. I’m saying this not to claim that Homura had no control over her actions and therefore did nothing wrong, but to point out that magical girls needing to make peace with the uglier parts of themselves is an important part of the show. That’s why Sayaka being able to summon her own witch at will was so powerful - because we’ve seen her struggle through the series and fall into despair, and we see her now having full control over her emotions and using the darkness she knows is inside her to her advantage, to be stronger, instead of suppressing it. And I definitely think Homura needed to release those feelings too instead of keeping them locked up and beating herself up over them, because there’s so much power in them - as much potential for good and positive change as they’ve got for destruction - and releasing them is the first step towards embracing them.

Obviously everyone will have different interpretations of this scene, but to me, this is the closest Homura has ever come to asking Madoka if she reciprocates her feelings. Or at the very least, if she can accept them. And Madoka (who has no context for this whatsoever) says No.

But for Homura to be able to ask Madoka if she’s allowed to be selfish, if she’s allowed to act on her desires at all, even if the only reason she’s asking is that at this point she’s got nothing left to lose - well, it’s huge.

I’m not going to say the way Homura went about things was right or even good for her, considering she is very clearly riddled with guilt and Rebellion is overflowing with suicidal imagery - but also there’s something to be said about how sometimes, accepting you’re the devil and going to hell anyway can give you the freedom to explore and potentially embrace parts of yourself you’ve always been too afraid to act on. So, mixed bag?

[ms-demeanor]

You cant use a clock like a normal person and you ask for help with work emails at like 35. And you lecture others on idiocy and being silly about "cultural christianity.

L. M. A. O

Btw, the gregorian calendar being forced on most of the world is absolutely because the papal states used to have armies and dictated religious and exploration policy for the european hegemons from the 15th to the 20th century

Look, if you're going to scroll through my blog for things to whine about get it right. I'm thirty six.

Also you might be interested in the fact that I dislike the term 'cultural christianity' for discussions about culturally pervasive christian ideology because I think it is less accurate than using the term christian hegemony.

It's accurate to state that the near-global use of the gregorian calendar is as a result of centuries of christian hegemony; it is inaccurate to say that places like China are culturally christian because they use a dating format that was standardized by a pope five and a half centuries ago.

I prefer 'christian hegemony' for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that it is the term widely accepted by academics who study this topic.

The gregorian calendar is actually kind of a perfect example for the need to delineate cultural christianity from christian hegemony - the gregorian calendar promotes a measurement of time that centers a sixteenth century catholic view of what was important to measure in time and displaces things like lunar calendars that various cultures have to celebrate their holidays and measure time, but that does not mean that, for instance, a Muslim majority nation like Indonesia is culturally christian because the civil government uses the gregorian calendar.

It is insulting and inaccurate to imply that concessions to hegemony can christify the character of a non-christian nation.

If you want to talk about culturally christian nations there are A WHOLE BUNCH of extremely obvious examples where you can point out things like holiday traditions and what days of the week banks are closed and naming requirements for children and legal requirements for weddings and a ton of other shit, but claiming the gregorian calendar makes a nation culturally christian is like claiming that using roman characters makes a nation culturally roman. It is ABSURD.

But also I'm an atheist hedonist; suffering doesn't have a positive value in my worldview so there is no reason that I should struggle to read time or choose not to ask people for help. There's no moral or functional value in deciding that I know better than everyone else and wouldn't benefit from workshopping a piece of correspondence, or in deciding that everyone is right and I really DO have to read analog clocks to count as a real grown up adult.

Life is hard enough, why would I make it harder than it has to be by refusing the help that people are willing to give me or refusing to use accommodations that are extremely widely available?

[bitchfitch]

Idk, more rambles about plant elf and big polar bear wolf monster.

Maelgwn, polar bear wolf monster, hates spring. He would never say it out loud, but he detests the season to a truly unreasonable degree.

He dreads it's arrival far more than winter's because winter has already taken everything that it can from him. He feels spring exists just to remind him of that.

His sort hibernate. It's this massive communal thing, all the packs come together in one deep cave to share body heat and wait out the part of winter where the sun never rises. Hes old. Age makes hibernation more and more dangerous every year that passes.

That's part of why he hates spring so much. Winter has taken everything from him, he just needs it to take him too.

Years and years before he would ever give a shit about a king in red whose skin danced with living vine tattoos, Maelgwn had a wife, Amalabairga. She was... Everything. Strong and brilliant and a stubborn workhorse who would lead her people with the same vigor and ruthless determination that she did everything with until her very last breath. They weren't perfect for eachother, But Maelgwn thought it an honor to call her his queen, and a blessing he would never be able to repay to call her his wife.

They weren't perfect, they were both stubborn bulls who bashed heads constantly over the pettiest things. Anyone who didn't know them would assume they despised each other. Anyone who did know them would laugh themselves to pieces over the idea of those two being anything less than absolutely smitten with one and another.

They had pups. Four of them from the same litter. They were so little even when they were already a few years old. They never thrived like they should. The years they had been born into were too harsh, food too scarce and the winds too cold. Maelgwn and Amalabairga adored them more than words could describe.

Everyone besides them saw it coming long before they did. They were blinded by their pride. They were in denial. Neither of them could accept it.

A harsh fall gave way to a harsher winter. The storms came too early. There wasn't time to stock up or put on fat. The winter den wasn't as crowded as it should have been. The sudden freeze blocked off some of the sub packs' routes. It was going to be a horribly cold winter, and they weren't going to have the body heat of an entire pack to keep them warm to the end of it.

There were healers who stayed awake the entire winter to look after the people within the den. To move pups who squirmed too far from their parents back to their sides. To remove the bodies of those that couldn't survive the whole season.

Maelgwn only got to say good bye to the strongest of his four pups. The others went too quickly for the healer to be able to wake him in time. Amalabairga didn't even get that much. Maelgwn often teased her for being a heavy sleeper. He would never do that again.

Neither of them processed it until spring came and the ground thawed enough to lay their frozen pups to rest. Because that's the thing. They could both leave the depths of the cave to sit in the mouth beside their babies, where it was so far below freezing their breath would fill their muzzles with ice on every inhale. the way the four of them were laid... they just looked like they were sleeping, blanketed in fine frost, but still like they would wake along with everyone else come spring.

The healers were used to fighting parents who were in denial. Grief and the disorientation of hibernation could do perfectly reasonable people to do insane things. Like try to stay in the mouth of the den where no living thing could survive for long, or bring their loved ones back to where it was warm.

None of them had expected their king and queen to be the sort to want to lay down beside their lost pups. Both of them had always been so bold and sturdy and stubborn in their refusal to give up. It didn't feel like giving up to either of them. A part of them promised their pups would wake up if they were just kept warm to spring. That was what was supposed to happen after all.

Spring came, and the pups didn't wake. Four new graves amongst thousands more. They didn't even live long enough to earn their names.

Spring gives to summer, Shocked grief turns to rage. It wasn't fair. They did everything right. They were Good Leaders. No one would debate that. They were good parents. They did Everything Right. And it didn't matter in the slightest in the end.

Summer gives to Fall. The years hunts were more than fruitful. They had plenty. If their pups had only made it one more year. Their rage at the situation Needs an outlet. They turn on each other. If Maelgwn hadn't suggested they linger at this hunting ground, if Amalabairga hadn't let them swim in that river. If he hadn't, if she hadn't.

They both new they were being unreasonable lashing out at eachother. Nothing they could have done differently would have made that winter any less cruel. They needed it to be eachothers fault. They needed it to be their fault.

Winter came again. Maelgwn thought he could still see them sleeping in the mouth of the cave. All hibernation long he dreamt of his pups and his wife and of springs they never got to see together. in the rare few moments he would wake to stumble to the underground river to drink, he would dread the next time he opened his eyes. Spring could never come, and he'd be glad for it.

Spring refused to stay its march.

Maelgwn woke to an empty nest. Amalabairga was gone.

Her body wasn't in the mouth. The healers swore they didn't see her go. She was just gone, like she had never been there to begin with.

It would be years until he found out what became of her. The new joy she had found beside a man who could lay her aching heart to ease in a garden that bloomed year-round like it knew nothing but spring.

Maelgwn was never a good match for her, even if they both burned brighter beside one and another. Nothing he could have done would have made her stay even if she did love him every bit as much as he loved her. they were always too similar.

She left him with her responsibilities. Her crown. He was king now, even if he refused to take the title.

So much changed. He got older. He saw many more winters, and through every single one he dreamed of all the mistakes he thought he had made, and all the ways he would do it differently, and all the springs he wanted to see with his pups and their mother. And all the springs he would wake up too without them.

Maelgwn hates spring. Winter took everything from him, and then spring had the gual to remind him of that.

[randomnameless]

@fantasyinvader and I talked about a few days ago about Adrestian nobles being dudes who were supposed to lead and protect/guide their people (per Hanneman's support) but also were people who knew the land they governed over and its people (in Ferdie's Supreme support in Nopes).

What if this idea of the perfect noble (tm) was pulled out and/or theorised in the Willy Era?

How would that vision of a perfect noble fit with Adrestian history, aka, Willy's conquest?

WoH thoughts below the cut

Willy'n'pals started from Enbarr, and ultimately extended their first influence to what would later become the Hresvelg Domain.

I suppose they eventually came to control Bergliez - did they kick out the clan/people who were ruling Bergliez there to put an Enbarrian there, or was Willy's MO to keep the ruling clans there - to mirror Ferdie's claim as the ruling clans were the ones who knew the land and its people better than some schmuck from Enbarr - after swearing allegiance and fealty to Adrestia?

Assuming it worked with Bergliez and the clan controlling this area, how the crap was it supposed to work with, idk, Gloucester's clan, since Rhea absolutely wanted to kill Gloucester himself?

Were the Elite's clan just, happy to accept Adrestia's influence and rule (whatever that meant) and let their leader be beheaded?

From FE16's history books, we know Willy terminated clans who wanted "more power" - was it the "excuse" given when a clan refused to bow to Adrestia and fought to preserve their autonomy?

And yet, from the same FE16, in the Yuri paralogue, it's inferred that some clans who were siding against the Empire and with the Elites... fled to Dagda.

I earlier surmised Willy (and Macuil?) striked down clans who "knew"* what Relics were, and/or how to make them, because they might possibly seek to make a new one and that's a big no to him. In that sense, Willy destroying clans who want "power" would actually mean Willy destroyed clans who wanted "new relics" or to make "relics".

So, following this theory, Willy wanted to erase a clan, but some members escaped and ran away to Dagda, where they crafted the Fetters of Dromi, which were ultimately offered to Duke Gerth.

Still, if the best nobles are the ones who know the land and its people (and have the trust of said people), what would have happened to lands controlled by clans who were destroyed? Would they have been controlled by an Enbarr schmuck, or given to someone else?

Rhea ultimately rewrote history to make Nemesis'n'Dudes appear as fallen Heroes, as to not alienated their supporters - was it also a way to "pacify" their clans, as in, if Rhea terminates Blaiddyd, by painting him as a fallen hero who had to be terminated,instead of revealing the Truth, Blaiddyd's kinsmen won't want to avenge him by targeting Adrestia (at least some don't?) and they can still rule over what used to be their domain, but with some sort of Adrestian supervision ?

(which would later more or less explain why the Elite's families/clans are still, say, located North of Enbarr : Blaiddyd's son accepted Adrestia's rule, but in exchange, he was authorised to rule over his people in his former land, as he knew those people and this land best ?)

Granted, if this was how Willy "awarded" lands, I'm not surprised Lycaon was "found dead" 7 years after his nomination as Emperor, because I can guess some people who joined Willy, from Enbarr/Hresvelg, would have been pretty pissed if they couldn't snag a few plot of lands here and there because Willy allowed the defeated clans to rule over them - if his argument is "they lived there and know the people so they're more suited for this task than us from the South", then why is he giving the Empire to his son - who was on the battlefront with him, instead of giving the throne to whoever was ruling the Empire in Enbarr while they were fighting?

In a nutshell, I'm thinking of something like this :

Is the clan seeking to gain more power aka build relics (or worse, only knows how to make relics) ?

If yes, Wilhelm crushes them, end of the story.

If no they can still have governance over their lands and their people if they accept the Empire's terms and conditions and swear allegiance to Adrestia. If they don't, back to square one, they're crushed.

This way, Willy ensures the lands controlled by the Empire are administered by people who, supposedly, know how to administer them (no growing bacchus in Galatea) and I guess it reduces the risk of having a civil war, aka former clansmen or tribes rebelling against Adrestia because they don't trust the Adrestian administrator (then maybe in time, everyone will fully be Adrestianised, and they will even have forgotten they used to have been part of something else? Was Willy gunning for cultural assimilation?).

-> it gives the model of the "perfect" noble to both Ferdie and Hanneman, people prioritising their people's safety above all, guiding them and knowing them and their lands to ensure prosperity.

OTOH, if we follow this theory (basically a HC), I suppose it didn't vibe that well at home, aka in Adrestia or with the Empire's first allies (the dudes from Hresvelg/Enbarr), imagine if Leeroy Bergliez dies in a fight against Gloucester's clan, the Empire defeats Gloucester's clan but they accept to bend the knee, so Willy lets the Gloucesters** rule over their lands and people - what would the Bergliez say ? They bled and died in that fight, for... nothing? No new lands?

People are pissed at Willy + resent the "northerners" who "stole" lands that should have gone to them (but belonged to said northeners to begin with lel)

And the final straw is Willy appointing his son*** as his successor, and not whoever the fuck was in Enbarr running the show while the Emperor was away conquering Fodlan, Lycaon is stabbed 23 times, and the Empire Wilhelm built (or tried to) disappears, to be replaced with another version of "might makes right" Adrestia.

Tl;Dr : conquering lands to create an Empire is easier than the actual task of ruling said Empire - if Willy did the right and sensible thing as in, let the clans rule over their lands/people after taking over them because those clans knew how to rule/administrate over those lands and their people (instead of appointing Bergliez in Leicester after getting rid of the guy who was seen as the Alliance's leader), it earnt him (and his son!) the ire and resentment of his earliest supporters, who might have wanted to kill clan's heads to seize their lands for themselves.

In a way, if Ferdie and Hanneman seem to find Wilhelm's vision of what is a noble the goal they to aspire to, Wilhelm's idea of a noble was dead on arrival, because it cannot exist in an Empire like Adrestia.

---

*cruel, to kill people because they "know" how to make relics, and might not even want to craft one, but as we talked about it in 2020 iirc (?), that knowledge enough is sufficient to be a threat, like sure, Bob and Marty don't want to kill Cethleann to turn her in a battle axe, but what if Lorie told Jack, who in turned passed this secret to his daughter in law, who wants to have more "power" because she thinks her husband is only a lowly soldier and if he had a crest and a relic they would be well-off compared to now?

There are no solutions to this dilemna (Rhea was damn lucky the scholar who nearly found out this secret stopped his researches thinking the Goddess wouldn't want to know more, because I'm pretty sure if Randy knew it, he would have started to hunt "pointy ears" to have a shiny weapon at his disposal to demonstrate his muhrit) and while I often portray Willy as stupid, I usually HC him as ruthless on this issue (and supported by Macuil, the worst wing man), doubly so if his precious heir is a half-nabatean and can be targeted to "create" weapons.

How to bury a secret that spread out? Rhea opted to tell lies, I can see Willy, Adrestian (irl roman?) Willy being more practical and bury the people who know said secret, dead men tell no tales, right?

**I said Gloucesters because we have the Axe of Ukonvasara that is a holy weapon... resonating with a crest of Gloucester, so it could have been made for a dragon who had, originally, that power, or it might have been given to "turncoats", aka members of Gloucester's clan who joined Adrestia.

-> HC wise, Willy could recruit red units and give them shiny weapons (thanks to Indech !) once they became blue.

***One could say Lycaon following his father during his conquest would have known more of "Fodlan's lands" than a peon in Enbarr - especially if Lycaon has an extended lifespan by virtue of being half lizard, he spent 40 years travelling across Fodlan and came to know its people... even if all those years travelling and that knowledge only applied to the lands who were conquered (as they were conquered) and not Enbarr, so when he returns South, to the Nobles and whoever were living in Enbarr, Lycaon might be a stranger who spent more time "in the north" than in the South.

[princeescaluswords]

A Flaw in the Foundation

The last post I reblogged coincidentally happened on the day after I watched Parasomnia (5x02) as part of my rewatch before the movie comes out. Given all the fandom nonsense over the plot of 5A and especially Lies of Omission (5x09), I always appreciate watching the first four episodes of the season again to remind myself of the effort the production made constructing the crises of the season.

Teen Wolf is about teenagers growing up. It's about Lydia Martin shedding the self-limiting behaviors that she once used to protect herself. It's about Kira Yukimura trying to fit in when she's very different than everyone around her. It's about Liam Dunbar wanting to no longer be a burden to his family and friends. It's about Malia trying to reclaim the life she deserves after living in the woods for so long. It's about Stiles Stilinski overcoming the irrational fear that he's the monster his sick mother thought he was. And it's about Scott McCall coming to accept that he doesn't have to keep earning his survival, that he doesn't always have to win all the time to have value.

That doesn't mean I don't absolutely hate that scene in Parasomnia where Lydia and Kira are surprised that Scott is in AP Biology. I despise the way Lydia mean-girls Kira into confronting Scott and the way Scott internalizes their behavior as well as Mrs. Finch's "tough teacher" act. It was awkward and unnecessary, though I understand the purpose behind it.

Lydia, this season, is learning how to help. Queen Bee Lydia from Season 1 wouldn't be interested in helping Tracy the way that Banshee Lydia wants to, yet she still pushes Tracy around in a way that a queen bee would, albeit for the girl's own good. (Remember that scene, from this same episode, where Tracy overhears the conversation between Natalie and Lydia? Imagine how that made Tracy feel.) I feel that these echoes of Season 1 Lydia are meant to be indicators that her growth is a process. It's been less than two years since Lydia bullied Jackson into watching the Notebook. Her concern for Scott also regresses back to the same "or-do-you-want-to-go-pro" cruel sassiness she once reserved for the boy we are told she loved.

Kira, on the other hand, is learning how to balance her own desires with the expectations of her peers. She initially resists asking Scott about why he's in AP Biology, but folds to Lydia's urging. She tentatively broaches the topic not because she doubts Scott but because she doesn't want to refuse Lydia. When alone with Scott later, she worries that he didn't tell her about U.C. Davis because she did something to make him not want to. She's still overly concerned with the acceptance of her peers and even her boyfriend, something that will be mirrored by her being rejected by her own fox spirit.

Scott, predictably, doesn't hold that against them, because he's never been someone motivated by pride. Instead, he internalizes their doubts and worries about them, which he will do again to more damaging effect when it comes to his lies to Kira about her fox spirit and his error-prone mishandling of Liam. In my opinion, these are echoes of the doubts he expresses in Motel California (3x06), when he thinks people would be better off without him present. I feel he thinks he has to be perfect in order to deserve to be the alpha, which is why he accepts what happens in this scene, accepts what Liam says and does to him, and accepts what Stiles says and does to him. It may be why he doesn't tell Kira bout what he sees, because what if she listens to him and he's wrong, when he's been wrong about kitsunes before (see Letharia Vulpina (3x19), feels unqualified now, and he can't afford to be wrong? It's also what leaves him vulnerable to Theo's unflinching support and why Theo delivers the stinger "we can't all be perfect." He wants to be the True Alpha, but he's yet to learn that being a good leader doesn't mean he can never make a mistake. In fact, it's quite the opposite.

I would love to say that the production delivered on this set up later in the season, but I can't. They certainly tried. Lydia helped Parrish come to terms with what he was, but it was so mixed up with new mythology and their abortive romance that it felt muddled. Similarly, Kira's decision to "do this for me" at the end of the season felt less like her coming to terms with not fitting in and more like a way to usher her off the stage. Scott's symbolic internalization of the doubts of others -- the unhealing chest wound -- going away when they all come back to him felt like he had spent enough time in penance rather than accepting that he doesn't have to earn the right to live.

I can see what they were going for, it simply didn't click for me, at least.

[britcision]

Anyway I have less than no respect for “bad things happened in my life and I will Fight The Gods About It cuz clearly they only matter if they make things perfect for Me”

Just, in general, ever, for a couple reasons

1) there’s almost fucking always something much more immediate, tangible, and fucking practical that you could do if you ACTUALLY wanted to stop bad things happening

But sure you go wage war on deity and ignore the fucking government right there building systems designed to grind people for parts

(Ludinus fucking especially since he IS IN CHARGE OF THE PEOPLE BUILDING THE GRINDERS but shhhhh he’s totally got a point about the gods deserving to die)

Wild how the only acceptable solution is to grab ultimate power yourself instead of, y’know, fixing the plumbing

2) the fucking hubris. The complete certainty that you’re the most important thing in existence, the only thing that could possibly matter, and every god not catering to your needs is a failure on their part

And like, a good 30% of that comes in on peoples’ sheer fucking refusal to understand that polytheism is not monotheism with a selection sheet, clearly all the gods are individually all powerful 🙄

Clearly none of them have shit to do except watch you specifically all day and every shitty happening is intentional and deliberate cruelty

The kind of people who would believe the fucking sun revolved around them personally if the rest of the planet wasn’t in the way

And they absolutely will not have my respect but you could be the Lucky Lucky Recipient of 50% Less Scorn if they actually… y’know… gave a shit about a single other person

Just, maybe, the tiniest bit, cared for the lives of the cultists who think they have a point

Didn’t sacrifice them like spitballs at the drop of a fucking hat

Didn’t build the whole “you are dying for a bigger cause” into their rhetoric and yet Never Sacrifice Shit Themselves

They never do

It never happens

Anyone telling you a good death is better than being alive and not immediately acting on their own words should not be fucking trusted

Because if your whole argument falls apart with a single “what makes you think that was their job” you have fundamentally failed

It is the job of government to improve peoples’ lives because Why Else Do We Fucking Pay Them

It’s fucking why God of War has always been gods starting shit with Kratos when there’s an ounce of storytelling - they’re ACTIVELY causing his problems

But if it’s just “well if you’re so good why do bad things exist”? Go to a first year philosophy debate and revel in the number and variety of answers

Or drum up a cult following and aggrandise yourself with any chucklefuck who falls for it

Shit happens

Life sucks

Now you can get your hands dirty and try and actually do something about it, or you can pout at the sky and stomp your feet and tell Daddy you hate him for not making it better

(Note: yell at sky is valid as a coping mechanism. When it becomes your praxis you done fucked up)

[starry-blue-echoes]

For the Behind Closed Doors au- upon really realizing what's going on (and possibly seeing his younger self in Jonathan a little) Dio keeps trying to galvanize Jonathan into fighting back and standing up for himself and Jonathan keeps. Missing. The point.

At best it goes straight over his head, at worst Jonathan just gets More convinced that if only he's the absolute Perfect Gentleman then George will recognize it and everything will be just great!

(the fact that it'll never be enough won't stop Jonathan from running himself into the ground trying to be perfect)

Y E S S S S S S

Jonathan is in a mix of denial and self deprecation. He refuses to believe that anything his father does to him is bad because His Father Isn’t Bad but also because he genuinely believes he deserves what George does and says to him

Meanwhile Dio is tearing his hair out in frustration at how deluded Jonathan is but also feeling genuine pity for him because he’s so used to this treatment with nothing else to compare it to that he thinks this is how it’s supposed to be. Dio at least had his mother and her kindness, but Jonathan….. Jonathan had nobody to show him actual love

And maybe that’s why Jonathan’s so open and caring. While he doesn’t realized it, he’s been so starved for genuine affection that he lets anyone and everyone close to his heart in an attempt to have that love reciprocated. And then when it doesn’t work out, when something ends up going wrong, that if they end up doing something that hurts him, Jonathan almost always thinks that it was his fault.

He accepts Dio so quickly again after the blonde began to realize the truth, welcoming him back as a friend and brother so easily, as if the months of manipulation and harsh words had never even happened.

And when Dio realizes why he feels sick.

Because how many times has this happened to Jonathan? How many people had used him before discarding him like a broken toy? How many times has he had his naive kindness torn to shreds and been left to pick up the pieces alone? How many times did it take before he began to think that this was all normal?

Eventually Dio realizes that this approach won’t work. Jonathan has too little self worth and too much love for his father and it blinds him to the unjust treatment, and he won’t be able to see it for what it truly is for a very long time.

Then Dio could realize that the one and only time Jonathan can see the behavior for what it is is when it’s happening to someone else. Ironically, Jonathan’s able to notice the small signs better than anyone else, and the second he does he’ll do whatever he can to help them

And well…… he had been able to manipulate the lens which George saw things…… so what if he manipulated the lens with Jonathan saw things too

A small flinch here, a strained smile there, just the right amount silence when walking around-

And Jonathan was knocking on his bedroom door one night to check on him less than 2 weeks later