#because xena was always great with that balance

[girl4music]

An iconic episode. I’m so glad and grateful that we ended up with this instead of the Sappho musical.

*talking about the ending scene with the poem*

RENEE: “That was nice. It was a really beautiful moment. The poem was really sweet. And you know, just talking about love and friendship and uh…”

*looks at Lucy rolling her eyes and making faces*

LUCY: “Blah, blah, blah.”

RENEE: “Let’s get right back to the scene, I know. And that’s so us.”

LUCY: “That’s what the character was doing, right?”

RENEE: “That’s exactly us though. I’m like the romantic and Lucy’s like “yeah, yeah, get over it.”

These two make me smile. So much chemistry years and years after the show had finished filming. ☺️😚

And yes, Ren’s right. That’s exactly them as a dynamic and their characters’ dynamic. Storm and sunshine.

[mejomonster]

Some of my favorite (recent-ish) Thai bl were:

Bad Buddy: if I'm going to recommend any coming of age romcom college set bl it's this one. The way it uses so many staple tropes in a fresh way, Ohm and Nanon are great actors and really bring a whole other level of energy, the actual conflict in the story is very realistic and heavy and a real topic I think a lot of young adults deal with regarding their families and expectations. So it's mostly romantic comedy, but the heavy moments resonate so that it doesn't really feel unrealistic. It's very high brightness overly kind of fantastical rather than real in presentation and tropes used (quite common in fluff bl like 2gether and My School President and Theory of Love etc), but the chemistry of the leads feels executed very realistically and again the actual delivery of tropes and conflicts feels very grounded in a way. Highly recommended to most peoples tastes tbh (and special mention to My School President, while it was a little Too fluffy for my tastes, it also did a balance of romcom and a grounded heart to the conflicts which I think is part of why it had such big appeal, along with really solid leads that are going to be bringing a lot to any project they work on in the future)

Never Let Me Go: THE action bl as of recently. Gave me everything I could ask, from the leads in The Gifted Graduation bringing their acting game with roles that let them truly show off what they can do, to a high body count of murders and action scenes, mafia sons falling in love with people oh so different from them, a batman esque lead, rich boy falls for poor bodyguard whipping boy trope but also Not quite because the show Really wants to comment on class issues and inequality and makes sure the audience gets the point (a core issue in the relationship is how to be equals given who they are), and a reference to the quote about soulmates that Xena Warrior Princess also uses. It also has Chimon. It's also aesthetically pleasing af. Idk what to tell you, I love when Jojo directs something and this Gave me WAY more than I thought I could get. I'm happy to say that in the post Not Me world we are seeing more action romance bls, not just romcom/fluff ones (though there's always plenty of those too). I personally am eagerly hoping this trend continues and we keep getting at least a few action romance bls a year like this one, Kinnporshe, Manner of Death, Not Me. I've started Laws of Attraction and that's looking similarly promising. (And while I highly recommend Not Me the series, one of my top shows PERIOD... I'm only listing newer shows than that right now).

The Eclipse: this show was exactly what I'd hope it would deliver, and more frankly (because I was hoping for at minimum the Blacklist quality and at max dream hopes The Gifted quality). Well it delivered closer to The Gifted. Politically heavy, really well done in that regard from the overt to the subtle, amazing entire ensemble cast (even the side actors are strong actors that have been in other things), Khaotung and First are both particularly amazing (Khaotung impresses me no matter what role he's given frankly). Aesthetically it's exactly what you'd hope if your hopes like mine were The Gifted but only real evil people no mutants, and explicitly gayer. If you perhaps are willing to have a high school setting, but very much do Not want fluff dominant story and instead a tense mystery with at least half the characters already out and proud queer people (but still some of the cute romance tropes executed a bit less fluffily) then this may be your jam.

Moonlight Chicken: if you'd like multigenerational queer stories, centering on a family slice of life realism piece, this show is <3. The second main pairing is the same actors from My School President and I think they really shine here where the romance relies less on tropes and the dialogue is more realistic so the intensity of scenes really leans on actors. I love their characters in this and they stole the show for me. The first main pairing is messy and adult, with adult problems (like actual ones not just romantic drama: like raising a nephew, running a store, working for a company that's destroying your lovers neighborhood). But also not actually that messy, I'd say in terms of messy it's for the most part wholesome and soft. If you liked 1000 Stars (I did) then this shows realistic slice of life feel will be comfortable and homey, and the amount of skinship in this show is less conservative for even more of a cozy natural feeling.

And the one I'm most anticipating coming out: Only Friends. Khaotung and First lead it, so I'm basically certain the main story will be absolute gold (since I eat up every role they play their acting is just <3 like dude I watched the Shipper for First okay and 5555 Never too Late for Khaotung which was an Amazing show btw). Now.. Only Friends is directed by Jojo (yay for me) and in theory it IS going to be as messy as it looks (and it looks at least as messy as Friendzone). So if Moonlight Chicken is too fluffy and tame for you, then you might want this show on your radar. I think it is slated for August but I'm not sure as I try not to get too hype for things until theyre out so I avoid most news.

[jenstamey]

Xena: Warrior Princess…the Season Six Spaghetti Order

One day a while back, I came across an online post that offered a new idea for watching the Marvel movies – what that author called the “Spaghetti Order.” Why Spaghetti Order, you ask? Because the guy really loves spaghetti, and I guess that makes as much sense as anything. Other people have recommended watching the movies in the order in which they were released or watching them in chronological order, but this fellow thought about it differently. He sequenced the movies in a way that better supported the overall storytelling, with each movie and closing credits scene leading into the next as the series built up to the climax of Endgame…in his opinion, of course. I watched the movies through in that order and had to admit that it made for a great experience, seeming more like one large, planned arc rather than individual stories pieced together by different directors and writers.

So how does this relate to Xena: Warrior Princess? Well, few things are more controversial among Xena fans than the ending of the series, the two-part episode (6x21 and 6x22) “A Friend in Need.” While some think it’s an amazing ending, others hate it with a passion. I’ve heard from people who watched it once and have vowed to never see it again, and I even know of fans who, having heard what happens, have never watched the episodes and never plan to. While I understand the emotional trauma that the episodes can generate, I also think it’s a shame, because while I am not a fan of the episodes in their entirety, there are aspects of the finale that I find incredibly beautiful and powerful, things I would hope every Xenite could appreciate. I started wondering if there were some way to present the final season that could make it more palatable to fans who find the last episode so upsetting.

For years, many fans have used the alternative order that shifts episode 6x18 (“When Fates Collide”) into the final spot, providing a coda of sorts that allows anyone to imagine their own version of what happens next with Xena and Gabrielle. This has been my preference as well, and I think it’s a brilliant ending from a dramatic perspective. But I started wondering if more could be done. “A Friend in Need” has such power partly because it is the official ending, and moving it one spot backward in the order does allow for a new conclusion, but it’s still an emotional wallop being so near the end. I began to play around with the idea of it being more like a midseason cliffhanger…“How will they get out of this one?” Anything that could make it a bit less weighty and easier for fans to watch. That’s when I remembered this concept of the “Spaghetti Order,” and I thought about the other issues that can come up when discussing Season 6…the issues with stories based around vengeance, the regression of Xena and Gabrielle’s partnership at times, Xena’s need (or not) for redemption, Gabrielle’s shifting attitude toward violence, etc. Personally, I’ve also always felt that too many of my favorite episodes were placed in the first half of the season, throwing the second half out of balance (not helping to alleviate the disappointment of the eventual ending).

Over on the Xena Discord Server, we set about making a new order for the 6th season…one that would provide both a different ending and a satisfying narrative arc to conclude the series. Think of it like fan fiction that only uses the original source material. This isn’t intended to be the one and only way of watching the final season – go with whatever you prefer, whether that be the original, the 6x18 swap, or your own Spaghetti Order. Even with this sequence we proposed, we weren’t 100% onboard with all of it. Some will always feel that “When Fates Collide” should be the finale; others can’t imagine the season without the “Gabrielle trilogy” intact near the beginning. It’s for everyone to decide what they prefer and continue loving the show, as we all do. Hopefully this will inspire you to formulate your own thoughts about the final season. And with that, we are proud to present…the Xena: Warrior Princess Season Six Spaghetti Order!

Here’s a quick list of the episodes in sequence:

Soul Possession (6x20)

Coming Home (6x01)

The Haunting of Amphipolis (6x02)

Heart of Darkness (6x03)

Who's Gurkhan? (6x04)

Last of the Centaurs (6x17)

Dangerous Prey (6x11)

Old Ares had a Farm (6x10)

A Friend in Need Part I (6x21)

A Friend in Need Part II (6x22)

When Fates Collide (6x18)

The Rheingold (6x07)

The Ring (6x08)

Return of the Valkyrie (6x09)

Send in the Clones (6x16)

The God You Know (6x12)

You Are There (6x13)

Path of Vengeance (6x14)

To Helicon and Back (6x15)

Legacy (6x05)

The Abyss (6x06)

Many Happy Returns (6x19)

Now we’ll talk through each episode and why we positioned it where we did, including addressing some potential YAXIs (Yet Another Xena Inconsistency), at least the ones we could live with:

Soul Possession (6x20)

One of two episodes during the 6th season separate from the “normal” timeline, this one could have been placed most anywhere, but we settled on using it as the bridge between Season 5 and Season 6. Much like “Déjà vu All Over Again” served as a break between “The Ides of March” and “Fallen Angel” at the end of Season 4, we thought the characters of Annie, Mattie, and Harry could do the same here after the epic episode “Motherhood.” It also provides a nice return of the original Joxer character, and we liked having it come sooner after his death in “Eve” (and spirited appearance in “Motherhood”) as opposed to waiting almost an entire season. The idea to bring back an explanation for the Season 3 finale feels odd coming so late in the series, so any way to move it earlier is a bonus. Finally, we appreciated where Ares’ character settled in “Path of Vengeance,” and it seemed like too much whiplash to have this episode come after that, reverting his character to earlier attitudes and objectives.

Coming Home (6x01)

While we were sorely tempted to have the primary timeline kick off with “The Haunting of Amphipolis,” we couldn’t get around Gabrielle’s wardrobe change. So, this episode remains the last full appearance of her Season 5 costume. It also connects back to the ending of Season 5, as the original order does. Xena is able to pay Ares back for his sacrifice in “Motherhood,” and our small troop of Xena, Gabrielle, and Eve can then head home to check in on the rest of the extended family after the 25-year freeze. You can also consider this one having a family connection, as Gabrielle is able to see what has happened with her Amazon tribe since the death of Ephiny. Gabrielle even comments about Ares having a “thing” for Xena, which is a nice follow to “Soul Possession.” We get a conclusion to the romance angle of Xena and Ares’ relationship, but he can still return as a character.

The Haunting of Amphipolis (6x02) & Heart of Darkness (6x03)

These episodes kick off the trilogy that shows Xena and Gabrielle returning to their childhood homes to see what has happened in the last 25 years. Gabrielle’s outfit again dictates the visit to Amphipolis coming before Poteidaia; the Season 5 costume is disintegrated here, and she dons a lovely blue number before switching to the red outfit in the following episode that she’ll wear throughout most of the final season. These are more like a two-parter showing the Angels’ attempts to send Xena to Hell. Once the Lucifer situation is resolved, the group can move on to Gabrielle’s family.

Who's Gurkhan? (6x04)

The next stop after Amphipolis is Poteidaia, where Gabrielle has to fight through her rage at the death of her family. By the end of the episode, she has seemingly processed her initial grief, and the group all sails back toward Greece to return Sarah home.

Last of the Centaurs (6x17)

This is one of the first significant order changes from the original. With this episode centered on Xena, Gabrielle, and other characters that didn’t appear elsewhere in Season 6, there was a lot of flexibility on where it could be placed. With the focus of the last few episodes being on what happened to family while Xena and Gabrielle were frozen, this episode lets us see what’s happened with Xenon in that time, part of their Amazon/Centaur “family.” There’s also the connection to Borias, a “family” figure from Xena’s past. One thing I’ve always found unsettling in this episode was Gabrielle’s quick jump to insisting that Xena had to kill Belach. I thought it was a surprising role reversal that seemed out of place, but it’s interesting if you consider it happening right after Gabrielle has suffered the loss of her family, whom she was unable to protect. Given the chance now to protect Ephiny’s family, it makes far more sense to me that Gabrielle would be willing to advocate murder. Also, with this episode being set in Greece, it avoids the problem of “Legacy,” where we’re left to wonder how Sarah made it home, why Xena and Gabrielle are back in the dessert, and where the heck are Eve and Virgil? This way we can imagine they’re all back in Greece somewhere, living their usual lives.

Dangerous Prey (6x11)

Back in Greece, Xena and Gabrielle receive a message from Marga to come help the Amazons, so this episode fits in well here. And it comes after an episode referencing Ephiny, so it’s appropriate to follow that with a story about the future of her tribe now that we’ve seen the future of her son. Varia is still learning how to be a leader, and we thought this one originally was placed too close to “Path of Vengeance,” where she has somehow become the leader who united all the Amazon tribes. We’ll be moving that episode later (more than a year after this one), so it will be more realistic. And technically this episode is better coming before “Old Ares Had a Farm” because Gabrielle rides in on a white horse here, but she leaves “Old Ares” riding a gray cart horse. Gabrielle clearly borrows horses where she can in Season 6.

Old Ares had a Farm (6x10)

This episode was somewhat flexible as far as placement, just needing to be after “Coming Home” and before Ares regains his godhood. However, we thought it provided another opportunity to avoid a question that the original order creates – namely why Ares did nothing to try and save Xena in Japa. Rather than having to come up with an explanation about the limited powers of gods in various cultures not their own (not a great argument considering Ares has shown he has powers in regions where he isn’t the primary god – see “Chakram”), it makes even more sense for the answer to be that he was mortal at the time. I also appreciate not having the additional “lost year” of the Rheingold trilogy coming before this. Word would have spread quickly after “Coming Home” about Ares’ mortality. I’ve also never understood Xena walking into a tavern at the beginning of this episode and knowing all of these warlords after being gone for so long – I’ll take any opportunity to shorten that timeframe.

A Friend in Need Part I (6x21) & A Friend in Need Part II (6x22)

Now we get into the critical juncture of this revised order – setting up this 2-part episode as a midseason main event. It follows nicely after “Old Ares,” as Xena is starting to reflect about their past and future in that episode, which is also how these episodes begin. In these episodes, we find Xena still making decisions that affect both her and Gabrielle, without consulting her partner. This is something Xena has always done in the past, and it shows their relationship hasn’t fully evolved to an equal footing. Even though Gabrielle is given more opportunities to show her abilities (e.g., coming up with the acrobat fire brigade, throwing the Chakram), it’s still a scenario that feels more like the master and the student rather than partners. While she oversees part of the army in the battle, it doesn’t feel much more developed than how she has led troops before following Xena’s plan, like in “Amphipolis Under Siege.” Meanwhile Xena’s story is back to focusing on her need for redemption, seemingly forgetting everything about India in Season 4 and her resolution to follow the Way of the Warrior and the fact that she ended up in Heaven after dying…I could go on. Granted she is faced with an impossible situation in these episodes, but the series felt like it had moved on from redemption being the primary theme before these episodes aired. And we won’t even get into the issue of vengeance suddenly being the answer… But the plot of these episodes is what it is, and now we can focus on how Xena and Gabrielle could move forward after this. The plot and thematic problems with these episodes become less burdensome when these episodes aren’t the end of the series.

When Fates Collide (6x18)

With no surprise, this episode keeps its reordered position after “A Friend in Need,” with Caesar providing the ultimate ironic twist by being the one to give Xena another chance at life. Everyone has their own interpretation of how this episode ends. I like to think that the Fates were wrong about Gabrielle’s destruction of the loom destroying the world (which seems to be proven), and once they saw that things were set right again, they gifted her (much like they did for Xena in “Remember Nothing”) with the one thing she wants most in the world – to have Xena returned to her. So, from here, we move forward assuming the world is continuing as it was, with the only change being Xena alive again. This episode makes for an incredible midseason premiere after the cliffhanger of “A Friend in Need.” We also thought that it could feel more like the start of a new 7th season, possibly taking the final season and producing two shorter seasons instead, as more recent TV shows have done. It’s hard to get away from “A Friend in Need” feeling like the ending of something. So, enjoy it whether you consider it the start of Season 7 or the midpoint of Season 6. By having this episode not be the finale, it also offers the tantalizing prospect of considering how much the alternate universe experience could have affected Xena and Gabrielle. At the end of the episode, they appear to remember both their original lives and their alternate lives. That opens up a whole world of experiences that could change their approach to things. This Gabrielle knows what it’s like to live a life without fighting, a life without love, and then face losing that love before it is fully realized. This Xena knows a life where she never became evil, where she was a beloved leader, giving her some balance against the weight of her guilt from her original life. We do see some clips from “The Abyss,” but we already have the precedent that Alti can show Xena moments from the future, so that isn’t a concern. In fact, it implies that Caesar changing fate was destined to happen, as was Gabrielle setting things right again.

The Rheingold (6x07), The Ring (6x08) & Return of the Valkyrie (6x09)

The placement of this trilogy (the beginning of the Norse arc) is dependent on several of the episodes that have to come after it and conclude that storyline, along with the Ares/Aphrodite godhood story. But it also works well coming right after Xena and Gabrielle have returned to their “original” lives. They’re far from home and making their way back to Greece after the world was set right – we have no idea where they ended up in that final scene of “When Fates Collide.” By placing “A Friend in Need” ahead of these episodes, there’s a new aspect you can consider after seeing Xena’s relationship with Akemi – it supports the idea that evil Xena has forsaken love given everything she’s lost. In the present, having just “found” Gabrielle and their old lives again, Xena’s first instinct is to protect her by leaving her behind once she learns about Grindl. Xena isn’t going to risk Gabrielle losing her life after just getting her true self back. Gabrielle, on the other hand, having just “found” Xena and their old lives again, is having none of that and immediately sets out after her. The added torment Gabrielle is going through – losing Xena in Japa, finding her in the alternate world, losing her again, getting her back, only to have Xena abandon her again – fully justifies Gabrielle’s urgency in tracking her down and making Xena promise never to leave again. And after all that, it feels like Xena may finally be ready to keep that promise moving forward. From this point on, Xena seems to focus less on redemption and more on doing good for the sake of doing good. Remember that this Xena now has a new perspective on life with what happened in “When Fates Collide.” By the end of these episodes, Xena has also learned an important lesson that she takes with her – redemption can be gained through forgiveness. That’s the power that allows Grinhilda to return to her true form. The additional “lost year” built into these episodes also serves to provide more space in the timeline for several events to have developed that will be addressed later on: Caligula’s rise to power, Eve reconnecting with her Roman past, and Varia uniting the Amazons. There is one brief clip from “The Abyss” when Xena regains her memory, but it’s a generic scene of her and Gabrielle – not one we’re going to worry about.

Send in the Clones (6x16)

The other present-day episode from Season 6, this one could also be placed most anywhere. As a clip show, in a perfect world, it would be positioned after 6x03, 6x06, 6x07, 6x09, and 6x11, but we decided that wouldn’t be a dealbreaker for us (the only impact being that you see clips from “The Abyss” early as a viewer). It’s not any different from the future visions Xena sees through Alti in “Adventures in the Sin Trade.” Since this is the future, there’s no reason they couldn’t be watching clips of anything from Xena and Gabrielle’s lives. We opted to place it here before the next sequence of episodes that all lead toward the end of the series. And given that the kiss in “Return of the Valkyrie” is shown, we didn’t want this to come ahead of the Rheingold trilogy and spoil that. We mostly considered it a fun episode, but not something weighty enough to put it any closer to the eventual ending.

The God You Know (6x12)

The “lost year” from the Rheingold trilogy supports this episode, with Caligula seemingly coming out of nowhere to take power in Rome. While a reordering of episodes doesn’t help to explain some of the other questions this episode generates, it does provide a reasonable amount of time for Aphrodite to have fallen so far and for Ares to have found her. Plus, Xena is seemingly unaware of all of this, so it makes sense that she’s been away and lost her memory. Xena usually seems to have a handle on what’s going on in the world otherwise. After being away for a year, it’s also reasonable that Xena and Gabrielle would head to Rome, trying to track down Eve and make sure she’s okay.

You Are There (6x13)

This episode is the most obvious follow-up to the previous one, leading to Ares and Aphrodite both regaining their godhood. We also have our biggest Spaghetti Order YAXI in this episode, regarding the comments about the pinch. (It wouldn’t be Xena without a few YAXIs!) Gabrielle implies that she doesn’t know how to do the pinch, and Xena says that Gabrielle can take the pinch off but can’t apply it, recalling back to what happens in “The Haunting of Amphipolis.” Our head canon for this one was that Gabrielle didn’t actually learn how to apply the pinch in “A Friend in Need.” Xena is intent on showing her, but Gabrielle fights against it and emotionally is in no position to be learning something like the pinch, sensing that something is very wrong in how Xena is acting. Even looking at when she was taught how to remove the pinch in “The Haunting of Amphipolis,” it appears that Gabrielle is luckier than anything, not clearly knowing how to remove it. Or maybe it’s something that Xena has offered to teach Gabrielle, but Gabrielle has never felt comfortable learning. You could also look at it as Gabrielle wanting the Fates in “When Fates Collide” to eliminate everything that happened in Japa – she no longer has the tattoo, and maybe she no longer remembers the pinch. For this to be the most significant inconsistency in the order, we thought it was certainly tolerable. Even looking back at “Destiny” when Xena learns the pinch from M’lila, there was no indication of there being two different steps to it. So, if that’s something the show writers played around with in Season 6, we can play around with it, too. There’s an additional reference to Gabrielle being the “Battling Bard of Poteidaia,” which is only a problem considering that Gabrielle says in “Legacy” that she hasn’t heard it said that way before. However, we’ll consider the overall craziness and implausibility of “You Are There” as a very good reason not to worry too much about continuity here.  

Path of Vengeance (6x14) & To Helicon and Back (6x15)

As we near the end of the series, we bring back two main elements that have been a part of the series since the first season: the Amazons and Ares, God of War, providing an answer as to the fate of each. Ares shows that he will always be the same, and the Amazons are nearly decimated, with their future as a civilization unclear, much like that of the Centaurs. Given the “lost year” in the Norselands, it explains how Varia has had time to develop as a leader and unite all the Amazon tribes. As in the original order, it makes sense to have a newly returned God of War looking to increase his power as soon as possible. His relationship with Xena has settled into a seductive flirtation, having evolved past the lovelorn desperation of Season 5. Apparently being a mortal helps to give one perspective. This is also where we say goodbye to Eve, as she chooses to move on with her life; as a main character, it feels more appropriate for that to happen closer to the end of the season rather than the middle. Shifting into “To Helicon and Back,” that episode kicks off a new Gabrielle trilogy of episodes, as she has to face how she will approach war and violence after stepping into the role of the Amazon Queen, something she has pushed aside since early in the series. What we also see here is a new level in Xena and Gabrielle’s relationship. It’s the first time we see Gabrielle 100% leading with Xena willing to follow at her side, showing that their partnership has strengthened. Even in the first episode, “Path of Vengeance,” Xena let’s Gabrielle take the lead in working through the politics of the Amazons, ending in her unsuccessful battle with Varia. Never before has Xena given Gabrielle so much leeway to make decisions and guide what happens. But even so, Gabrielle looks as lost as ever at the end of the episode, wondering whether she can continue to be a ruthless leader and what it will cost her.

Legacy (6x05) & The Abyss (6x06)

While these episodes originally appeared early on in Season 6, we moved them here as the dramatic conclusion of the series. Where the first half of the season focused on Xena’s story, the second half focuses on Gabrielle’s. After the events at Helicon, Gabrielle chooses not to stay and lead the Amazons, so shaken by what happened. It’s possible even that the Amazons decided not to rebuild their culture; those points are left open to the imagination. Whatever the case, it seems reasonable that Xena would try to encourage Gabrielle to move on, so they catch a ship to another land and return to North Africa for a change of pace and a bit of a vacation. That was the original intent after the events of “Who’s Gurkhan?” And it works here after “To Helicon and Back” in much the same way. In some ways, it works even better, not needing to try and understand why Xena would take Gabrielle back to the land where her parents were murdered immediately after “Who’s Gurkhan?” At least now some significant time has passed. Gabrielle begins the episode still trying to work through the trauma of what happened to the Amazons, and then she commits what to her is the most unimaginable act – killing an innocent. Most of the series has been focused on Xena’s guilt, but here at the end of the series, it now offers a parallel with Gabrielle having to learn how to deal with similar guilt. This shift between the two of them is nice; Xena’s guilt had led her to self-sacrifice or being willing to give up her life to pay for her crimes on many occasions, and now Gabrielle is the one in that position and Xena has to help her past it. Early in the episode, she’s questioning the moments in battle when you choose to kill or disable someone, something that’s weighing heavily on her mind after Helicon. Gabrielle has killed before, many times as a warrior, but the trauma of the war at Helicon and now killing an innocent are things she hasn’t dealt with before. Killing an innocent is one of the worst things Gabrielle could ever do, and this plus Helicon all push her to the breaking point. She’s at her lowest point since “Maternal Instincts.” The montage of clips of Gabrielle’s journey back to the first episode is especially powerful being so close to the end of the series. Between this episode, “Path of Vengeance,” and “Helicon,” I also love that there’s a strong consistent message at the end of the series about the pain of war and how vengeance isn’t the answer. And they’ve both learned that what is most important to each of them is the other. We can also appreciate turning the “Roman peace” concept on its head – while the emperor after Caligula had supposedly established peace, their actions in North Africa show that “peace” is in the eye of the beholder, and they were more than willing to continue subjugating other cultures to their rule. “The Abyss” will now be the dramatic conclusion of the series, coming right after “Legacy.” We have the return of Virgil, and while somewhat random, it was kind of that way in the original order as well. We haven’t checked in with him since they first returned home after “Gurkhan,” so now that Eve has continued on her journey, Xena and Gabrielle are checking up on other old friends since their Norse and Roman travels. For those who thought Virgil was getting a little too close with Gabrielle, I think you’ll appreciate this separation from the earlier episodes in the season – you don’t have a bunch of Virgil all at once. Looking at the original order, there was the call back to Season 3 with “Soul Possession” here near the end of the series, but instead we’ll now have the Hope dialogue in this episode to provide that connection.

Many Happy Returns (6x19)

Rather than concluding the series with high drama, we opted to end on a lighter note. Is this my favorite episode to end on? No, it isn’t. I’ve always been one to just watch “When Fates Collide” last because I love ending on something powerful. But after so much drama over the last few episodes, why not end on a comedy? The show always liked doing the unexpected. You get your big drama with the previous four episodes and now get to end with some smiles. I always thought it would have been amazing to end on the planned musical episode for the 6th season that never happened, and since this was the replacement, it’s as close as we’ll ever get. Plus, nothing much can beat that final scene on the cliffs, flying off into the sunset.

So, that’s it…the Xena Season 6 Spaghetti order! There are some alternative options. You could keep “Legacy”/“The Abyss” after “Who’s Gurkhan?” if you don’t want to break up that sequence, so instead you’d have “Helicon” as your dramatic conclusion. Or if you don’t want to end on a comedy with “Many Happy Returns,” you could position that right after “You Are There,” and then stick with the dramatic Amazon/Gabrielle sequence to end the series. What’s fun is that you can make it your own and take whatever of this you wish!

[am-imagines]

Love Guard. - Alex Morgan Imagine.

Prompt:  Hey, could you do one where r is a lifeguard and the uswnt spends a day at the beach. Something happens to one of the players that requires r’s help. Maybe combined with flirting from Alex or kelley

A/N: When I received this prompt, I saw the same one in different blogs, so I decided to give it a spin. I hope you’re still around, anon. I know I’ve been taking forever and being MIA more than I’d like, but I didn’t forget. I have all of your prompts and I’m steadily working on them, I promise.

Any and all mistakes are mine. I hope you like it!

You’ve spent a thousand days on that beach; countless afternoons after school enjoying the water, and a handful of summers watching sunsets from the lifeguard tower. That place was your life before you moved out to college. It was your sanctuary when the world hadn’t discovered you yet and your skills were polished in the sand instead of a pitch.

Being there after so many years; days spent training with your club and summers conquering every tournament in existence with the USWNT, is quite an odd thing.

You’re not the same person you were back then; now you have Gold Medals and World Cups to speak for. And yet, you’re not so different; still in love with the sea and that piece of paradise with calm waves and water that barely gets to your waist for a hundred feet.

That beach is still somewhat private, a secret not many know and therefore, just a few people are there when you walk in.

The sand is as golden as you remember and the ocean awaits for you.

“How did you discover this place?”

You’re pulled back into the moment, your attention goes back to Pinoe as the woman waits for an answer, but the question isn’t directed at you.

“I used to come here every weekend when I was younger,” says Alex.

A beach day in L.A. was in the agenda and since Alex is home, she took on the guide role. You went along just to see what the forward had in mind, but you certainly weren’t expecting to be in a place that meant so much to you once upon a time.

You find it hilarious. You have so many memories there and yet you almost forgot about it completely. It’s a good thing they don’t know much about your past or the times you worked as a lifeguard in that very same place. You’re pretty sure someone would ask you to run in slow-motion just because they’re brats.

“This is amazing!”

You agree with Kelley and Sonnett as your group marches decidedly to what they claimed to be the best spot. What makes it the best spot? You’re not quite sure but help Ali and Christen to lay down enough towels for all your teammates.

Even then, you leave sunbathing to Rose, Carli and some others. The sea is calling you. The volleyball game that Alex and Kelley are starting in the water is too good to pass out and soon enough half of the team is ready to play, and the other half watches intently as they drink on all that vitamin D.

Someone turns up the music on a bluetooth speaker and that’s pretty much how madness begins. Pinoe is supposed to be your ref, but then Ash is shouting the score and confusing the hell out of everyone, Tobin changes teams at least three times, a ball hits Sam directly on the face and you’re laughing until your sides hurt.

At some point Ash, Alyssa and AD start tossing people into the water and you find it unfair when Franch zeroes on you as her next target. You try to fight her until Alex is behind you; holding you in place until the goalie can toss you over her shoulder.

“Traitor!” You shout to Alex before going underwater.

It’s not the first time Alex does something like that and you’re sure it won’t be the last. You blush whenever she’s around; your gay shows along with the crush you’ve tried to hide for months. But that woman drives you crazy, and maybe she knows it a bit too well.

You blame everything on her smile, on her eyes as blue as the sea around you. They shine with mischief every so often, and you know you’re in trouble the next time she smirks at you.

“Oh, no.”

“What?” She asks with the sweetest and most innocent look.

“I don’t like that face.”

“Really? You don’t like my face?”

Alex bats her eyelashes and pouts. By then, it’s obvious she knows exactly what she’s doing and she’s just playing with you. But you’re not quite sure if she’s just being playful because she knows you fancy her or if she likes you too.

Before you can argue your case, she splashes you in the face.

“You did not!” You exclaim in mock shock as you wipe your cheek. “This is war, Morgan!”

With the most ridiculous war cry you can muster; one you’re sure Xena would be proud of, you chase after her.

Alex is a good swimmer and a cheeky woman with the nerve to splash you again before squirming away. It’s easy to be part of her game even when she dares to splash you a third time.

You follow her deeper into the sea until the water is at your chest level and you can actually swim. The rest of the team is far behind you; the sound of their laughter faint and all your focus on the woman that has unknowingly won your heart.

“You’re going to pay for this,” you tell her once she’s within reach.

Your arms sneak around her waist and she struggles to find her footing for a second. With your help, Alex finds her balance and you smile sheepishly at her.

“I thought you were supposed to help me instead of trying to kill me.”

She says it as a joke; the kind of light jabs and playful banter you’re used to, but there’s something about the way Alex says those words that make your heart stop for a second. Alex still has that same mischievous look while you become a deer caught in the headlights.

“What?” You ask dumbfounded.

“You know,” Alex starts while her harms wrap around your neck. “There was a reason why I came to this place as often as possible.”

All the clues are tight there. The pieces of the puzzle are there for you to pick, and yet, you can’t really think straight when Alex is so close. You blame it on her eyes and how blue they are with the ocean all around you. Or maybe it’s the softness of her sun-kissed skin as she pulls you closer.

Whatever the case, you barely register that she’s talking to you.

“There was this one lifeguard,” she continues. “The cutest girl I’ve ever seen. I remember stealing glances here and there, but she was always too busy taking care of the shore. She would help anyone that asked for it. It’s just...I never had the courage to talk to her.”

“Why not?”

To you, Alex Morgan is the most confident woman in the world. In and out of the field, she radiates confidence. It’s one of the many reasons that make her a team captain. You can’t think of any circumstance where she´d shy away from something or someone.

“I’m not sure. I was embarrassed for having a crush on her. But to be honest, I think I fell a bit in love with her back then.”

“Just a bit?”

“Yes. Then another bit years later when she walked into the room as the newest member of the National Team. And maybe a little bit more every day since then.”

You remember your youth and the passion you had for the sea. You remember the lifeguard tower and everyone in there; all boys except for you. They became your family, and leaving them behind for college was hard. Still, it was the right decision.

It was in college that you found a new passion.

You discovered your speed and the mean way you could kick a ball. Talent, your coach called it, but you worked day and night to develop skills. And ultimately, those were the ones that got you into the USWNT.

Life works in funny ways.

You’re back at the start; in the same beach, with the same blue eyes following your every move. But now you have a World Cup championship under your belt, and maybe enough confidence to be with the girl of your dreams.

“Hi, I’m Y/n. I’m a Lifeguard, don’t fret. I’m here to help.”

A flash of confusion crosses Alex’s face for only a second before she understands exactly what you’re doing. She chuckles at your antics but is willing to play your game.

“Yes, please. I swam all the way here and now I can’t get back. I’m a little out of breath.”

“Is that so?”

This whole thing is silly, but the kind of silly that will make you look back with a fond smile. You have trouble trying not to laugh as you speak, but hey, Alex can’t blame you when she’s fighting her own laughter.

“We should take you back to the shore then.”

“I had a different idea,” she intercedes.

You have half a second to react before she cups your face and her lips meet yours.

It’s impossible to fight the smile off even when she’s kissing you. It’s the perfect kiss; soft, gentle and yet enough to surpass every dream you’ve ever had of this moment.

You never saw Alex on that beach; too high on the freedom the water gave you to notice anything else. Even when you were focused on the job, you were trained to pay attention to the signs of drowning and not the faces, so you barely remembered anyone.

But you saw Alex when you joined the National Team. You saw her from the moment you entered the soccer world, and maybe you also fell a bit in love with her from that day.

“Should we go back?” You ask when you finally break apart.

“Guess we have to deal with the team now.”

“So it seems.”

It doesn’t matter if Alex is a great swimmer, you use your training to guide her closer to the shore until the water is only at waist level. Instead of letting her go, you carry her bridal style to the safety of the sandy beach.

“Now you’re safe.”

“Are you sure?” She asks clingling a bit tighter to you.

“What else do you want from me, woman?”

“Another kiss.”

That’s a request you’re all too happy to comply with. 

You see Alex as she truly is; beautiful and strong, resilient, capable to make the world kneel at her feet. She’s an extraordinary human being, and you love every bit of her.

[swanqueeneverafter]

Sins of the Past Pt.6

Camelot. Past. Forest. Night. (With the help of Arthur, Morgana and Mordred have successfully escaped the castle grounds. After riding a short distance, they meet the Druids in the woods.) Iseldir: “We are forever indebted to you, Morgana Pendragon, for returning the boy to us.” Morgana: “You must not let it be known that it was I who brought him to you.” Iseldir: “We will tell no one. You have my word.” (The Druids turn to leave.) Morgana: “Wait, please! I need your help. There have been incidents… I fear I may have…“ (Morgana is unable to say the words.) Mordred: (Telepathically to Iseldir:) "She is like us. She holds great power.” Morgana: “Did you hear that? (To Mordred:) How did you do that?” Iseldir: “We don’t always need words to speak to one another.” Mordred: (Looks to Iseldir, who nods. Holds out his hand to Morgana:) “Now I can take care of you, like you did me.” (Taking the boy’s hand, Morgana allows herself to be lead deeper into the woods, towards the Druid’s camp.) Storybrooke. Swan-Mills House. Present. (Emma prepares breakfast in the kitchen when her phone rings.) Emma: (Answering:) “Hey, Lily. What? Seriously? No, of course I’ll cover you. (Disappointed:) Yeah, I’m coming in. Bye. (Hangs up:) Dammit.” Bedroom. (Placing the food-laden tray on the bed, Emma walks over to the bathroom and opens the door.) Emma: (Calling out:) “Gina, I’ve got to go in to work. Lily’s been called to Arendelle.” Regina: (From the shower:) “What?! (Turns off the water:) Today’s your day off.” Emma: “I know, but Lily’s covered plenty for me since the baby and- (Regina pulls back the glass partition to glare at Emma in all her naked, wet glory:) Oh, Jesus.” Regina: “Get Hook to cover you. God knows he likes playing cops and robbers lately.” Emma: (Averting her gaze:) “They can’t find him. Lily thinks he went on some drunken bender with Rumple.” Regina: (Muttering:) “I knew those two becoming best pals would bite me in the ass someday.” Emma: (Glancing at her wife then quickly closing her eyes:) “I’m sorry. (Backing out of the room:) I’ll try to be back as soon as I can.” Regina: (In a softer tone:) “Emma, look at me.” Emma: (Opening one eye slowly:) “Oh, you don’t play fair.” Regina: (Pressing herself up against the glass:) “Are you sure you have to go?” Emma: (Her mouth suddenly extremely dry:) “Yes. (Closing her eyes tightly shut again:) Yes. I’ve got to, I’m sorry. (Emma turns and leaves the bathroom, immediately stubbing her toe on the armoire, which causes the sheriff to hop on one foot. Losing her balance, Emma falls backwards, making just enough contact with the bed before hitting the floor to send the food tray toppling over on top of her:) Great. Just great.”

Storybrooke Free Public Library. (Mulan gently deposits Merida on a makeshift cot at the back of the library.) Belle: "Wouldn’t the hospital be a better place to take her?” Mulan: (Shaking her head:) “You know how delicate the political landscape in Dun Broch is. If anyone gets word that Merida is sick, there’ll be a power struggle.” Belle: “So you brought her here?” Mulan: (Holding up the petal:) “This was in the goblet she drank from. Anhora claims to have no knowledge of how it got there, but I know you’ll have a better idea than Whale of what flower this came from.” Alice: (Feeling Merida’s forehead:) “She’s burning up.” Belle: (Taking the petal from Mulan:) “Fetch Alice some water and a towel.” (Mulan nods and does as she’s told while Belle pulls out a book.) Alice: “Is she going to be alright?” Belle: “I won’t know until I can identify the poison.” Alice: “Her brow’s on fire.” Mulan: (Returning:) “Here. Keep her cool; it’ll help control her fever.” Wonderland. Morning. (Will is asleep against a tree as the sounds of chopping can be heard.) Will: (Jumping awake as a branch lands on him:) “What the bloody hell!” Ella: “Oh good, you’re up.” Will: “What are you doing?” Ella: (Continues practicing her swordplay on a defenseless tree:) “I’m getting ready. I’m a bit rusty.” Will: (As another tree limb goes flying:) “There. Now you’ve gone and hurt the tree. Happy?” Ella: “I’ll be happy once we find my mother. We need to get moving. We’ve been in Wonderland for too long. Our enemies know we’re here.” Will: “Our enemies? Who would they be?” Ella: “Excellent question. (Holds out her hand:) Come on. (Pulls Will to his feet:) I have a plan, Will.” Will: “Of course you do.” Ella: “Our biggest problem is we don’t know where my mother is. She could be trapped somewhere, or captured.” Will: “Look, is there any chance of a coffee? I can’t really think until-” Ella: (Continues:) “But then I realized we don’t need to know where she is.” Will: “Oh, we don’t?” Ella: “Because we know something. Something nobody else does.” Will: “I’m not sure you’re clear on what the word ‘we’ means.” Ella: “Come on, Will. Time to get going.” Storybrooke. Dragon’s Lair. (While Xena sits picking the olives off her pizza, Henry sits talking with Gabrielle about writing.)

Gabrielle: “The best advice I can give you is to write what you know.” Henry: “But that’s just it. I’ve already written everything I know. I was ‘The Author’. I’ve written three storybooks. I even wrote my own happy ending and still…” Gabrielle: (Nods:) “Retirement not turning out to be all it’s cracked up to be huh?” Henry: (Scoffs:) “I’m working more now than I ever have.” Gabrielle: “Some would argue that’s not a bad thing. For the longest time traveling with Xena, all I wanted was for her to find a sense of peace. For us to settle down somewhere and grow old together. But now, since coming to this land where everyone seems to have found their place in the world… I don’t know how to put it into words. It’s like-” Xena: “It’s god-damn irritating is what it is.” Henry: (Turning towards her:) “Thank you! (Xena nods before devouring her pizza:) Everyone around here seems so settled and happy. Meanwhile Ella and I are still struggling. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s great that everyone’s together and at peace but-” Gabrielle: “You feel like you’re playing catch up to everyone else’s happiness?” Henry: “Honestly, sometimes? Yeah.” Wonderland. (Ella and Will travel through the forest. Ella uses her sword to cut through the tree branches as Will follows a short distance behind.) Ella: “Keep up, would you? We’re making good time.” Will: “You’re thinking about what happens if we find her?” Ella: “When. When we find her.” Will: “What if it’s nothing like you thought?” Ella: “Meaning?” Will: “Well I just think to protect yourself, you should consider the possibility that things may be different. You’ve been apart a long time.” Ella: “My mother is waiting for me. She needs me.” Will: “Then why hasn’t she contacted you?” Ella: “The only reason she hasn’t contacted me is because she must be in trouble. That’s why we need to pick up the pace.” Will: “Or she’s moved on.” Ella: “Not a chance. Nothing will get in the way of us being together. (They finally come to the end of the tree line:) Except possibly this. (A large lake sits before them:) I suppose we could swim across.” Will: “No, we can’t.” Ella: “If you’re afraid of dangers lurking beneath the surface, I can handle-” Will: “I can’t swim.” Ella: “How have you lived your whole life and never -” Will: “I was doing other things.” Ella: “Like what?” Will: “Like being afraid of water. When Alice almost drowned in that frozen lake, it was the last time I got anywhere near the water.” Ella: “Fine. We’ll just have to wait for the ferry.” Will: “How do you know about the ferry?” Ella: “Alice told me.” Will: “Hm. Or better idea, we walk around it.” Ella: “Walk around the entire thing? That would take two days at least. We’re taking the ferry.” (Ella walks onto the beach and begins to clap.) Will: (When Ella glares back at him:) “Oh, for…” (Will joins her on the beach and together they begin clapping. In no time at all, Ella spots something in the distance and waves.) Ella: “There she is. Over here, Fairy.” Silvermist: (Landing before them:) “I am the fairy Silvermist. Where may I… I.” Will: “Heya, Silv. (She slaps him:) How’s it going? (She slaps him again:) There it is.” Ella: “I take it you two know each other?”

Silvermist: (To Will:) “Awfully bold of you to show your face in this part of Wonderland. Do you know how many people are looking for you?” Will: “Might be easier to figure out how many aren’t.” Silvermist: “You think you’re funny?” Will: “I think I’m buggered no matter what I say right now.” Ella: “Perhaps you two might continue reminiscing while we make our way across the lake.” Will: (Whispers:) “I think we have to walk.” Silvermist: (Composing herself, to Ella:) “Not at all. I’m happy to take you.” Ella: “The both of us? Are you sure?” Silvermist: “Of course. It’s my job, and I’m a professional. I don’t let feelings get in the way of my work, especially old feelings that I’ve completely moved on from.” Ella: “Okay. Thank you very much.” (Ella nudges Will in the side.) Will: “Yeah, thank you very much.” Ella: “Excellent.” Silvermist: “Don’t worry. You can trust me. I’m here to help.” (Waving her wand and showering them both with fairy dust, Silvermist turns and heads over the water, Will and Ella flying through the sky behind her.) Camelot. Past. Morgana’s Chambers. Day. (Servants clean up the burnt fragments and glass scattered across Morgana’s floor.) Guinevere: “I came back in with some extra blankets. There was a candle, but I put it out.” Uther: “Are you sure?” Guinevere: “I blew it out, I swear.” Uther: “She could’ve been burnt alive.” Arthur: “Lightning struck the castle roof last night, that could’ve started the fire.” Uther: “No, this was no accident.” Arthur: “What other explanation is there, My Lord?” Uther: “Last night my daughter attempted to return the druid boy to his people and this morning I find her window broken and the curtains torched. The answer is simple. The Druids saw Morgana as easy prey. They used their powers to break into the castle, retrieve the boy and take my daughter hostage. (To Arthur:) We’ve long suspected that the Druids are hiding in the forest of Essetir. Take no prisoners. It’s time we rid ourselves of these Druids once and for all.” (Uther leaves. Guinevere starts to protest when Arthur stops her.) Arthur: “Listen to me. You must leave, find Morgana and warn the Druids. I cannot go against Uther’s orders. I’ve done all that I can. It’s now down to you to save them, Guinevere.” Druid Camp, Morgana’s Tent. (The Druid leader Aglain enters.) Aglain: “I trust you slept well?” Morgana: “Better than I’ve done in days.” Aglain: “Here, this might make you feel more at home.” (Aglain hands her a druid cloak.) Forest. (Leading the King’s soldiers, Arthur pursues Morgana’s trail with dogs.) Druid Camp. (Aglain walks with Morgana.) Aglain: “They are surprised to see you here, if not a little afraid. Your father would have us killed.” Morgana: “They have nothing to fear from me. I do not share Uther’s hatred of magic.” Aglain: “No. I imagine you wouldn’t. These forests are dangerous. What brings you so far from Camelot?” Morgana: “I’m searching for answers. I hope the Druids might be able to give them to me.” Aglain: “Come.” (Aglain ushers her into his tent.)

Aglain’s Tent. (Guinevere sneaks into the Druid camp and listens in on Aglain’s conversation with Morgana.) Aglain: “What would you like to know?” Morgana: “Why I can see the future in my dreams. Why I’m able to start fires with my mind.” Aglain: “People who are able to do this are few and far between. You have a gift.” Morgana: “Is it magic?” Aglain: “Of a kind, yes. But it will be many years before you’re able to understand it fully, let alone use it. This isn’t something to be afraid of.” Morgana: “It is if you have Uther as your father. If he found out, lord only knows what he’d do.” Aglain: “He won’t.” Morgana: “But if he did…” Aglain: “We won’t let that happen. You’re safe here. You shouldn’t be scared of Uther. You should pity him.” Morgana: “Pity? Why?” Aglain: “Because he’s a broken man, consumed by fear. His hatred of magic has driven goodness from his heart.” Morgana: “I’ve always been taught that magic is evil, that it corrupts your soul.” Aglain: “Uther told you this. Just because he decrees it, doesn’t make it so. In time you will learn that magic isn’t a dark art that must be shrouded in secrecy. It can be a force for good.” Storybrooke. Present. (Emma pulls into a seemingly abandoned alleyway in a police cruiser. Getting out of the car, she looks around before reaching through the window for the radio.) Emma: "Sheriff Swan calling base, there’s nobody here, are you sure this is the right place.” Regina: (Stepping out from around the corner:) “Oh, I’m sure, Sheriff.” Emma: “Nevermind. (Replaces radio:) We got an anonymous tip there was a ‘street walker’ down this alley. I’m guessing that was you?” Regina: (Smirks:) “You didn’t think there would be an actual street walker in my town, did you, Sheriff?” Emma: “Well, now that you mention it… where’s Maria?” Regina: (Leaning against a chain-link fence:) “I got a call moments after you ran out of the house this morning from Anna of all people. She apologised for messing up our plans and offered to take Maria for a few hours.” Emma: “And you let her?” Regina: “She said I would be doing her a favour. It seems her ice-farming husband needs a little warming up to the idea of having kids of their own.” Emma: “Speaking of warming up. (Stares at Regina:) You look incredible.” Regina: (Smiles:) “Seeing as you were so eager to go to work, I’d thought I’d stop by and make sure you do your job.” Emma: “Do my job? (Regina nods:) Well as far as I know, there’s no law against looking sexy in a public place, Madam Mayor.” Regina: “No? (Running her hands down her sides, slowly draws up the bottom of her dress to reveal her black stocking tops before drawing a familiar pair of red panties down over her thighs and stepping out of them, much to the Sheriff’s delight. Holding them up:) How about now?” Emma: “Is that my underwear?” Regina: “Mmhmm. By my count that’s theft and indecent exposure.” Emma: “Oh I see nothing indecent here and since we’re married, what’s mine is yours anyway.” Regina: “Is that right? Hm, well I guess... (Begins to climb on to the hood of the car:) I’ll just have to get more creative.” Emma: “So you want me to arrest you, is that it?” Regina: (Nods:) “Mmhmm.” (Regina turns her body so that she is now sitting on the hood of the car, allowing Emma to stand between her legs.) Emma: “In that case, you have the right to remain silent. (Regina wraps her legs around her waist:) Although I really wouldn’t object to you screaming just a little bit. (They begin to make out:) Anything you say, (Kiss:) can be held against you.” Regina: “Mm you promise?” (Regina’s hands travel to Emma’s jeans and unbuckles them, lowering them to her knees.) Emma: (Feeling Regina’s hands running over her body:) “Oh God, we can’t do this here. Hold on to me.” Regina: (Now sucking Emma’s neck:) “Not a problem, Sheriff.” (With some difficulty, Emma lifts Regina into her arms and walks, or rather waddles, towards the back of the car. Somehow opening the door, she manages to gently deposit Regina in the back seat and close the door. Pulling up her jeans as she hurries around to the front of the car. Emma gets behind the wheel and turns on the engine.) Emma: “I’ll radio ahead and tell everyone at the station to take an early lunch. (Looking to see Regina perform a few more public indecencies in the back seat:) Good God woman, control yourself! Better let people know to get out of my way. (Flicks on the siren:) We’re coming in hot!”

Storybrooke Free Public Library. (With Ruby having now joined them, Alice & Mulan continue to care for Merida while Belle searches for a cure.) Belle: (Finding something:) “Ah. The petal comes from the Mortaeus flower. It says here that someone poisoned by the Mortaeus can only be saved by a potion made from the leaf of the very same flower. It can only be found in the caves deep beneath the Forest of Balor. The flower grows on the roots of the Mortaeus tree.” Alice: (Pointing to a picture of something:) “That’s not particularly friendly.” Belle: “A Cockatrice. It guards the forest. Its venom is potent. A single drop would mean certain death. Few who have crossed the Mountains of Isgaard in search of the Mortaeus flower have made it back alive.” Mulan: (Intrigued:) “Sounds like fun.” Ruby: “Mulan, it’s too dangerous.” Mulan: (To Belle:) “If I don’t get the antidote, what happens to Merida?” Belle: (Reading:) “The Mortaeus induces a slow and painful death. She may hold out for four, maybe five days, but not for much longer. Eventually she will die.” Mulan: “I won’t fail, I promise you.” Ruby: “Well you’re not going alone no matter what you think. Look what happens when I let you have all the fun.” Mulan: (Smiles, to Belle:) “We’ll find the antidote and bring it back.” Camelot. Past. Forest. (Arthur and the guards reach the woods near the Druid camp and see the smoke from their fires.) Arthur: “Remember the King’s orders! (Hesitantly:) No prisoners!” Druid Camp. Morgana’s Tent. (Guinevere enters.) Morgana: “Guin! What are you doing here?” Guinevere: “I’ve come to take you back to Camelot.” Morgana: “Then I’m afraid you’ve had a wasted journey. I’m never going back.” Guinevere: “I’m sorry, but you have to.” Morgana: “Why? You’re the one who said I should seek out the Druids.” Guinevere: “I never realised what the repercussions would be.” Morgana: “What repercussions?” Guinevere: “The King thinks you’ve been kidnapped. He won’t stop until you’re found. He’s arrested dozens of people. He’s gonna execute them all.” Morgana: “If I return, the same fate awaits me.” Guinevere: “Uther doesn’t need to know about this. I won’t tell a soul.” (Arthur and guards approach the camp.) Morgana: “I’m sorry. I’m never going back. These are my people. They’re like me. I don’t feel so alone here. Do you understand?” Aglain: (Enters:) “Morgana, we must go. Who are you?” Morgana: “I–it’s alright, she’s a friend. What’s wrong?” Aglain: “Arthur and his men are coming. Your friend has led him straight to us.”

(The Druids run, trying to escape Arthur and the guards. Arthur sees Mordred and Aglain helping Morgana run away.) Arthur: “This way!” (Guinevere runs with Mordred, Morgana, and Aglain through a rock valley.) Aglain: “We’ve got to keep moving!” Morgana: “My ankle, I think it’s twisted. It’s too painful!” Guinevere: “I’ll try to create a diversion.” Morgana: “No, Guin, you can’t!” Guinevere: “You carry on! It’s my fault they’re here! Go! Go!” Morgana: “I’ll never forget this.” (Guinevere picks up a large tree branch and uses it to dislodge some precariously positioned rocks, causing a blockage in the path. Pulling up her hood, Guinevere runs.) Arthur: “There!” (Arthur pursues the hooded figure. Guinevere jumps and hides under a protruding rock. Arthur and his men jump right over her. Guinevere runs back. Guards spot Morgana’s party anyway.) Guard: “Over there!” (Morgana slumps to the ground.) Morgana: “I can’t go on.” Aglain: “We’re not leaving you behind.” Morgana: “Please.” (Morgana faints.) Mordred: “They’re coming!” (Aglain is shot with a crossbow. Mordred runs.) Guard: “Arthur! We have the Lady Morgana!” (Mordred runs, but is surrounded by guards. Guinevere stops running and watches Mordred use his powers to throw three guards backwards then run off into the distance.) Storybrooke. Present. Sheriff’s Station. (Anna, with baby Maria in her arms, enters the station.) Anna: “We’re back, Emma. You can call Regina now and tell her you’re coming-” Lily: (Entering the room:) “I think she already knows.” (Directing her attention towards the cells, Lily smirks as Anna gasps and covers the baby’s eyes.) Anna: “-Home.” Emma: (Emerging from a jail cell, sheepishly:) “Hey. Did you guys have any luck?” Lily: (Peeking around Emma to get a look at her cell mate:) “Not as much as you it seems.” Emma: (Standing to block her view:) “I meant did you manage to find a singer for Elsa’s party?” Lily: “Yep, and by mutual agreement, which is rare for us.” Anna: “Not that rare. I mean okay we don’t agree on everything, but neither do me and Elsa and she’s been my sister a lot longer than you have.” Emma: “Not officially.” Lily: “Cool it, Emma.” Regina: (Stepping out of the cell with a handcuff dangling from one wrist:) “We’re glad we could help.” Anna: (Staring at Regina’s bare legs, catches herself:) “Ah, yeah. Well this is yours. (Awkwardly hands Maria to Emma:) And we should be going.” Emma: “Oh no, you guys stay, we’ll go. (Over her shoulder to Regina:) You got everything?” Regina: “And then some. (Smiling to Lily and Anna:) Feel free to call us, anytime.” (With a wave of her hand, Regina poofs herself, Emma and Maria out of the station, leaving a blushing Anna and a very amused Lily in their wake.)

[faveficarchive]

...But We're Not the Same

By Atara

Pairing: Xena/Gabrielle

Rating: PG-13

Synopsis: Xena and Gabrielle come clean, and in doing so realize how they feel for one another. 

A/N: This story takes place very shortly after "The Debt." While it may quickly be superceded by "Bitter Suite," consider it my own version of a reconciliation of the rift between Xena and Gabrielle.

On their boat trip back from the kingdom of Chin, Xena and Gabrielle both felt awkward and uncomfortable, deliberately avoiding conversation. Xena perused the book of Lao Ma's wisdom, her forehead creased in thought, occasionally shaking her head. Gabrielle was too absorbed in coping with her usual seasickness to pay much attention to what Xena was doing.

Once they docked, much to Gabrielle's relief, and Xena had retrieved Argo from the stable she had hired, they began the journey home. Their first night camping out, they sat silently by the fire. Periodically, Gabrielle would glance at Xena then look back quickly at the fire; in between, Xena would glance at Gabrielle, then look back quickly at the fire. Finally, they both glanced at each other at the same time and spoke simultaneously.

"Xena, I have something..."

"Gabrielle, I have..."

They laughed slightly, and Xena said, "You first."

"No, you go ahead."

Bemused, Xena said, "Gabrielle, this could go on all night."

"OK, I was saying that I have something to tell you."

"That's just what I was going to say to you," mused Xena. "Anyway, you go ahead."

Gabrielle took a deep breath, while nervously shredding blades of grass with her fingers, and spoke.

"My baby, Hope...I didn't kill her...I couldn't."

"I know," replied Xena gently.

"You know!" exclaimed Gabrielle. "How?"

"I think I know you pretty well by now," answered Xena with that affectionate and somewhat indulgent smile from one side of her mouth that Gabrielle so often provoked. "I hope what you did won't come back to harm you, Gabrielle. You know I think it was a mistake. But we'll deal with it when it happens. What did you do anyway?"

Gabrielle felt a small wave of relief wash over her. "I put her in a basket and sent her down the stream, hoping someone would take care of her. I just couldn't- "

"I know," nodded Xena.

"Um..." interjected Gabrielle, "what did you want to tell me?"

"I..." Xena's frowned, struggling with her admission. "I killed Ming Tien."

"I know," replied Gabrielle with a sigh.

"You know!" exclaimed Xena. "How?"

"I guess I know you pretty well too," said Gabrielle sadly. "You were so determined."

"I had to. Lao Ma left me the weapon, a sharp hair ornament that I had given her before as a gift. It was an unmistakable message. I had to obey her last wish. She tried so hard to achieve peace, but she couldn't harm her own son. But she knew what had to be done, and she counted on me to do it. I couldn't let her down."

Gabrielle was sitting with her arms wrapped around her knees and shaking her head vigorously. She hadn't listened very closely to Xena's explanation. She burst out,"Why, Xena, why?"

Xena looked puzzled, then begin to explain, "He had amassed too much power, he was ruthlessly cruel..."

"No, not that! Why do we do this?"

"Do what?"

"Lie to each other and pretend we believe the lies. I thought we trusted each other completely. And I nearly had you killed...That dungeon, those boards... " Gabrielle burst into tears.

Xena moved closer to Gabrielle, putting an arm around her shoulders. Despite her sobs, Gabrielle felt a comforting warmth from the muscled arm around her. While in Chin, she had been convinced that she would never again feel Xena's touch, the gentleness belying the awesome strength. Xena spoke.

"I forgave you for that Gabrielle, but" she added wryly, "I'll agree it wasn't one of your wisest decisions." Gabrielle sobbed more violently, and Xena realized this was a situation dry humor wouldn't fix. Patiently, she pulled Gabrielle closer and explained, "We do what we do because we care about each other. I don't want you to think less of me, and I expect it's the same with you." She paused, groping for the best way to explain what she meant. "And when you care about someone very, very deeply, you build a picture of that person in your mind. Maybe we pretended to believe the lies, and maybe you prevented me from murdering Ming Tien because we want to keep those pictures as flawless as we can." Gabrielle's sobs began subsiding, and Xena reached over to rummage in a nearby pack and draw out a scrap of cloth. She gently wiped at the tears, then let Gabrielle snuggle closer.

"And in many ways we're different people," Xena continued. She hated talks like this, but Gabrielle had to understand. "We're not always going to agree on the right course of action, especially when all the possibilities are ugly ones and there isn't a single right answer. You saved Hope, and you tried to save me from killing Ming Tien because deep down inside you were sure they were the right things to do. I killed Ming Tien for the same reason. What's right isn't always going to look like the same thing to both of us."

"I know," murmured Gabrielle miserably, new tears leaking from her eyes. "Sometimes I don't understand you at all, how you think, what you do, why you do it. It scares me."

"It's going to happen," sighed Xena, removing her arm from Gabrielle, "more and more. The longer you travel with me, the more you'll learn of my past. Who I was then didn't just disappear when I started doing good. She's still with me, always a part of me, a part that can't be denied, no matter how much you don't want to see or acknowledge her. And I know you don't, and I don't blame you. And sometimes my past actions will have consequences that I need to deal with *now*. *I* was responsible for Ming Tien becoming the monster he was; I was on my way to becoming such a monster myself. There are times I'm going to have to clean up the messes I've made, and it's not always going to be pretty.

"I can't just put my past self behind me; I have to live with the knowledge of everything I did, and I have to live with the consequences, and sometimes I have to pay...and pay...and pay. And however much I pay it will never be enough." Xena's voice grew harder and more remote as she spoke. But she refused to give in to self-pity; as far as she was concerned, she certainly didn't deserve it. "And that's how it should be," she continued. "There's no ultimate absolution in this life. All I can hope is that I do enough good to begin to balance out the evil. But there's no magic finish line to cross; I'll never be done dealing with who I was."

"Oh, Xena," gasped Gabrielle sympathetically, fighting back further tears. While she certainly had had inklings of the full implications of what Xena was saying now, she had avoided facing them head on. Her love and admiration for Xena were so great, it was almost impossible for her to see *her* Xena and the past Xena as the same person. She wrestled with it frequently in her mind, but usually dismissed the problem as unsolvable. All that mattered was what Xena did *now*. But that wasn't *all* that mattered, it wasn't enough, and Gabrielle had to force herself to face the truth.

"You and I live in different worlds, Gabrielle." said Xena flatly, fighting to keep emotion out of her voice. We can never see things in exactly the same way; our experiences are too different. I love you, and I hope you still love me, but we're not the same. And look what I've done to you! If it wasn't for me, Callisto wouldn't have killed Perdicus, and you'd be living peacefully and happily with your...husband." The last word was hard to get out; Xena had to force it past an obstruction that seemed suddenly to lodge itself in her throat.

"Xena!" exclaimed Gabrielle, trying to push away a nagging thought that intruded at the mention of Perdicus as well as a renewed upwelling of grief. "You're not responsible for Callisto's actions or her mental state. Callisto is mad, deeply, deeply mad. Other people survive the deaths of their families without turning into homicidal lunatics."

"I know," said Xena patiently, struggling with the guilt that always threatened to swamp her when she thought about Callisto and particularly about Perdicus' murder. And she thought about them pretty regularly, punishing herself relentlessly. "I know she's mad. But I gave that madness a direction, a channel."

"She's going to be back, isn't she?" asked Gabrielle, shuddering.

"Yes, probably."

"She's so powerful now. I worry she might...kill you."

"Callisto?" snapped Xena. "Kill *me*? Not likely. What would she have to live for if she killed me? Hating me gives her the only real purpose her life has. No, she'll never kill me. She'll just do her best to destroy everything I love, killing me a little bit at a time. But not entirely. She'd like nothing better than to make me immortal too, and spend eternity forcing me to face myself."

Xena sighed. She knew equally well that she needed Callisto, with that lethally malevolent childishness and that baby voice, as if her development had been arrested as a young girl, festering there instead of ripening into adulthood. Yes, she needed Callisto, her scourge, her reminder. It was easy to see herself reflected in Gabrielle's eyes, even as that reflection grew more flawed, less ideal. She needed Callisto to stop her from getting complacent or self-congratulatory.

Gabrielle's question broke into her thoughts. "How do you deal with it? All of it, not just Callisto. Doesn't it hurt?"

"Of course it hurts," returned Xena snappishly. Her own pain was not a subject that interested her very much. It was something to be bludgeoned away if it couldn't be ignored, just the way she could repair a dislocated shoulder by ramming it into the hardest available object. Her voice grew gentler, as she turned to Gabrielle. "I deal with it, in large part, because of *you*. You help me see that what I was then is not *all* I am. I couldn't do that without you. I *need* you. But if not for me, if not for the hate I sparked in Callisto, you'd be happy..."

"Xena!" interrupted Gabrielle. "Please don't. It hurts...and I feel so guilty."

"Guilty, why?" asked Xena, surprised.

Gabrielle sighed, staring straight ahead of her, "Because I *am* happy. With you. That's why the past couple months have been so hard for me. And I feel so guilty because I know I couldn't have stayed happy with Perdicus."

*I could have told you that!* retorted Xena mentally, then reminded herself of all the reasons why she couldn't have told Gabrielle that.

"I thought that's what I wanted," continued Gabrielle. "I didn't know who I was; I thought I was just imitating you, not being myself. And Perdicus was so gentle; I knew I'd be comfortable with him, and he wouldn't push me around the way some men do. But I was wrong. I belong with you -- your partner. I couldn't have been happy living that life."

"I know," said Xena quietly.

"Why didn't you tell me?" demanded Gabrielle. "If he'd lived I'd be there now. He didn't deserve what happened, and he didn't deserve a wife who could only love him as a brother or friend, not a husband. How can I buy my happiness with his death? Why didn't you stop me?"

Xena turned to look directly at Gabrielle. "Gabrielle, you're an adult. Besides, your love life is none of my business."

Gabrielle muttered, "I wish it was."

Xena remarked, very quietly, "That makes two of us."

Gabrielle laid a hand on Xena's arm, gripping hard. "Tell me the truth, Xena. I'm not a child. Do you really want me...that way?"

"Yes, I do."

"How much?"

"So much," said Xena, "that I couldn't abuse my position by taking advantage of you. So you see, that puts me in kind of an awkward position when it comes to advising you about your love life."

"Oh, Xena," sighed Gabrielle.

"It's not been easy," growled Xena roughly. "I could have seduced you any time--like that!" She snapped her fingers. "I usually get what I want in that area, and you looked up to me so much...but I didn't want you that way...And I'm not very good at dealing with what I want when I get it -- I don't do relationships very well. I didn't want to hurt you; I still don't. I didn't want you in a position where you had no choice. So when you decided to marry Perdicus...I couldn't stand in your way."

Tears began to trickle from Gabrielle's eyes again.

Xena said, much more softly, "And if I failed you by not speaking, I'm so sorry. It wouldn't be the first time I failed someone I care about."

"No, Xena, you did the right thing," declared Gabrielle. "You're right. I was an adult then, and I am an adult now. And I still look up to you, but I hardly think you're perfect."

Xena suddenly grinned. "A good thing too."

Gabrielle laughed. "*And*, Xena, I'm in a position where I can make a choice. I've seen you at your best, and I know a whole lot about your worst...and I love you."

Xena took both of Gabrielle's hands in her own, lightly stroking the backs with her long fingers. "I love you, too. But is this what you really want?"

"Yes," said Gabrielle stoutly. "But I admit it scares me."

"It should," returned Xena. "You have to be strong, Gabrielle, strong enough not to let me swallow you up. And you have to be able to promise me that no matter what happens, you'll always be a part of my life--I can't lose that."

"I promise. That's the most important to me too. Now will you just kiss me, Xena? I'd rather do it without Autolycus' mustache in the way!"

Xena laughed, and Gabrielle joined her, like two friends together laughing at a shared joke, before their lips embraced.

The End

[trashyeggroll]

Xena Final Season Rewrite

ANON SUBMISSION BELOW THE CUT: PLEASE READ!! THE BRILLIANCE!

This is galaxy brain. I got progressively more amped about the possibilities reading this, and I have zero notes because YOUR MIND.

Ok so here’s my pitch for a redone S6 and thus series end…

S5 ends on “Looking Death In The Eye”, I know “Another death fake out?” but hey it’s the final run so just go with it. It’ll just be a 20 episode season. I realize LDITE is episode 19 so we’d need another filler episode in the season to make it even which I’m not a fan of but I do like even numbers and what’s one more filler like episode? Depending on the quality it could be good; maybe there’s an unused “Hercules” plot left they could use for the season before all the Twilight stuff happens or they can do another filler idea they had specifically for “Xena” since I’m knocking out 5 episodes from season six, just no religious episodes please as they don’t do well execution wise on this series! The worst that happens is we get another MWF which was horrible yes but 2 completely garbage episodes out of 130 is still a pretty good track record!

S6 opens with “Livia”, “Eve” and then goes into “Motherhood” thus to set up the season of the old themes really winding down towards the end. An important note: the opening title sequences doesn’t change because really team why are you going to mess with that in the last year?!

Episode 4 would be “Coming Home” to reestablish the Amazons and it’s followed by “Who’s Gurkhan?” because while it’s not a great episode I’d argue it does show the impact of the time jump on Gabrielle so it’s not just a Xena thing.

Episode 6 is “Legacy” but without Gabrielle questioning her life path yet again; she’s still upset about killing the kid and accepts death as her punishment but it’s not this whole round 23 of this plot if you will. She explains her side and says she was blinded by the sand which plays to the tribes being blinded by hate for each other a bit they almost didn’t get together to fight the Romans. Episode 7 is “Send In The Clones” because it’s filler and each season has to have at least one filler episode if it’s almost 20 episodes long plus it’s close to the death episode of “Looking Death In The Eye” so timing wise it feels like it fits versus being near the series end and feeling even more like the filler it is.

Episode 8 would be “When Fates Collide” to play on the fact Hades is gone and to give Karl Urban one last goodbye. Also this was a strong episode so even if people thought the start of the season was just okay to good this would be an episode that would hopefully keep them watching! Also this is the best “Joxer” episode and lets Ted go out on a high I feel because he plays a character more could stomach than the Joxer we saw most often.

Episode 9 - 11 would be the Beowulf arc for schedule filler more than anything but also set up a time lapse later to explain why a clock has run out. Plus this has a legit kiss so you got to have that in the final season! :)

Episode 12 is “Old Ares Had A Farm” because it’s arguably the best episode of the season and plays into the depowered gods plot.

Episode 13 then by extension has to be “The God You Know”; I would do a rewrite script wise also to say Michael appears at the start to tell Xena about Caligula but then he disappears because he really screwed that up for her and made no sense the more he popped up in the episode. Xena would lose her god killing power still in here so you have her having to trick Caligula at the end but it’s due to a time limit running out, instead of being able to kill gods as long as Eve is alive it’s like a one year thing or even 30 year thing from the time she was born because of her destiny so at that point you can say the time is up and she lost them not because of any issues with Michael.

E14 would be a “You Are Here” type episode but not that episode; I love the questions the reporter asked don’t get me wrong but the episode just doesn’t work genre wise, it’s too much of a mash up. This position is close to the Beowulf arc to make it seem not just random filler but also gives some space for those who didn’t like the episode and would end that plot here with Xena having to talk Odin into giving her the apples so love can still exists. You can still do the scene where she gives Ares his powers back also and explains why you need the balance of them thus ending the gods arcs on “Xena” in a sense for the most part but also still keeping Aphrodite, Ares, and Celesta around to have it feel like “Xena” still to a small degree versus being more modern with the Eli stuff most episodes. If you liked the religious stuff fine, but to me it always felt heavy handed execution wise even though it created some interesting discussions so I lean towards limiting the episodes featuring it because again quality wise it just felt forced more often than not. If you still want the reporter in here for questions just make him a scribe or bard like Gabrielle following along and asking the questions to keep the genre consistent.

E15 is “Last Of The Centaurs” for one last Ephany send off and again to bring back in the Amazons before the end.

Coming back to the Amazons for the last time 16 and 17 would be the episodes featuring Varia and company but with some script changes; “Dangerous Prey” would still happen but Varia wouldn’t be as sidelined in this - she and Xena would work together at the end showing she can listen to take down the prince. Maybe it was just me but I really felt they handicapped Varia skill wise compared to how smart she was in “Coming Home” to point out Eve just based on hearing about a move she did and then seeing it so I would make her more like her CH self but still green enough Xena could show her some things to help her become queen and a better fighter to protect the tribe that way. This also allows Renee one more good go at directing like she wanted. Next would be “To Helicon And Back” so in this version Varia isn’t queen just yet but she’s clearly next up, people are still looking to Gabrielle for answers as the senior most queen; this episode is one of the final pay offs to the Twilight arc which started the season and is now ending the series again to feel like time has past but it’s still “Xena” at its heart. It plays out pretty much the same way with them fighting Bellerophon because if they don’t kill him then he’ll just keep coming after them; Varia is still kidnapped and she is sent to die with her people he thinks because maybe she does agree to his terms but the big thing is she doesn’t betray them so there’s no Gabrielle questioning her, Varia is meant to be the hope of the Amazons so her betraying such a core element doesn’t really make sense as that would kill them in a different way - she explains what Bellerophon said but replies with that just shows why he doesn’t understand his mother’s love for the Amazons. Gabrielle still has her great run scene but Xena just sees the bomb incoming and yells at her in time. I place this episode here because I think this episode shows the weight of the Amazon title wearing on Gabrielle and sets up Xena taking issues maybe with them even if she says nothing because the culture Gabrielle loves but she’s just not cut out for day to day queenship and this arguably calls back to her hinting at settling down in previous episodes most recently OAHAF.

E18 is “The Abyss” honestly for filler because it gives a break of time between Helicon and Vengeance for that story to work this way; it does have a great cave scene in it though so there’s that!

E19 is “Path Of Vengeance” which works as the wrap up for multiple things, namely Eve, Varia, the Romans, the Amazons, and Ares as well. It plays out much the same way we see originally; Ares uses a desperate to rebuild the Amazon numbers Varia and feeds even more on her rage when Eve returns and we learn the backstory for the new Amazon queen. Varia hasn’t seen Eve since “Coming Home” so her rage over her return to their lands makes sense still and if she’s being used by Ares it works to explain some continuity issues one might feel from how she should have grown from Xena’s teachings in “Dangerous Prey”. Eve still wants to make amends but has things complicated by the Romans show up to protect her given some in Rome still view her as a plus, Gabrielle still challenges Varia to a fight to be queen of her tribe in an attempt to save Eve so we still get that awesome fight, and Xena still saves the day in the end helping Varia see she’s being played by Ares and that people can change so she doesn’t have to become the thing she hated. I would also want some way worked in that we’d still get the line “I thought you might have sprained it on my face” from Gabrielle about the fight because I did love that tease. And with that we say goodbye to the ones listed above.

Finally episode 20, because it’s another 20 episode season only in the name of hopefully bettering the season and series, is “Many Happy Returns”. It’s more of a comedy yes, but it ends with a developed arc for the heroes - Gabrielle becoming someone more than just a small town girl and Xena back to how she was before Cortez arguably corrupted her so in a way redeemed with more work to go because she never feels redeemed; also they save a virgin which is how the series started with Xena saving Gabrielle. Also you have Aphrodite heavily in this which feels like old “Xena” compared to the modern religious vibes of this season. They literally fly off into the sunset together which is a much better way to end things I feel!

[imthemuthafuckingcricket]

I was tagged by the lovely @somewheremeantforme

10 Favorite female characters

What? Only 10? Alrighty then…Potential spoilers and rambles. Here we go.

1.Angrboða [Poetic Edda/Norse Mythos]- I don’t know if she counts as a character, but considering she is not a real person that is alive and breathing I’ll add her to the list. I have always found her fascinating and her lack of media presence just fuels me to do more research and gdi I should just write/draw her more, but I can never get her right. And dammit Angrboda deserves, nay demands perfection.  Anyways I feel as though Angrboða doesn’t get enough respect. Grief bringer? Mother of Monsters/Wolves? Hag of Ironwood? Chief?? Yea she’s badass and is worth more than her relationship to Loki(e)…I could go on…

2.Integra Hellsing [Hellsing] - I don’t know man she’s just cool. I wish I could be that cool.  

3.Princess Carolyn [Bojack Horseman]- Oh where to begin, this is one of the best female characters I have seen written. PC is at her core the stereotypical “I don’t need a man, I don’t need anybody all I need is my career. Oh no I’m almost 40yrs old and I’m lonely” character, but still the show gives her so much more beyond that. She is working hard to adopt, she genuinely cares about her friends/loved ones and will do anything to help them, when Diane wanted an abortion she was upset that Diane was willingly giving up what she could never have but still at the end of the day didn’t vilify Diane and talked to her (this whole episode btw was amazing and dealt rly well with abortion) I also enjoy Diane as a character and her flaws, most of the female characters are written really well, I’m getting sidetracked here but yea watch Bojack Horseman. Anyways, PC is a strong person (cat?), but we get to see her at her most vulnerable “It's…just…really hard to need people” and her struggles. PC can be pushy and one-sighted and yes her helping people is not completely selfless and in some way it benefits her. Besides wanting children, I never thought I would related to a pink cat wearing a fish dress so hard.

4.Lady Eboshi [Princess Mononoke]- In many ways she is the villain and the main antagonist (I say this bc there are multiple villains) of the movie but I find her interesting in that she is not wholly evil.  Though she is horrible to the environment and the animals/spirits living there she is a fair leader, who has helped the unwanted and worthless of society and gave them work and a home. Her people genuinely love and care for her. Which is another reason I love this movie because it hints at “Humanitarian vs. Environment” Lady Eboshi being the personification of this argument, also Lady Eboshi highlights how one person can do excellent work/relief in one area and be a completely shitty person in another area. Does her bad deeds cancel out all the good she has done? This is a favorite argument of mine, just in a general sense.

5. Evelyn O'Connell [The Mummy]- Come on I made a post specifically about how I wanted to be like Evie when I got older. Super brave and intelligent woman that could read Egyptian( I think she knew multiple other languages as well) studied/worked in Egypt,  got to go on a magical adventure in EGYPT. When I was a kid I was majorly into Ancient Egypt (I haven’t quite outgrown that). I also had a big thing for Lara Croft too and I think that goes hand-in-hand with Evie. But most importantly… “ I AM A LIBRARIAN!”

6. Haruka Tenou [Sailormoon]-  Baby gay [me] was gay way longer than she anticipated. Also...A E S T H E TI C

7. Medea [The Medea]- Countless essays have been written about Medea that would go way deeper into her complexity as a character than what I can do right now. Yea, she’s an interesting character that is by all means not a hero, but it also a victim herself. And one of the few stories from the classics that revolves around a woman, that isn’t two-dimensional.

8.Leslie Knope [Parks&Rec]- I’m going to say it, Leslie knope is the reason that P&R is far superior to the Office even though the writing team is practically the same and the humor at its base is also the same. Leslie Knope is not Michael Scott, Michael is pretty bad (tbf I haven’t finished the series, so we’ll see), But despite Leslie’s many flaws she’s still endearing, hardworking w/ high goals, loves her friends/job and her community. Again, I’m not saying she is perfect because she has such high standards/expectations that she expects everyone to meet her at these impossible heights, often ignores her friends’ advice/complaints even if it’s all with good intentions, can be mean and so forth. Ill admit it, she makes me want to work harder and the character Ron Swanson was great at balancing her out.

9. Rosa Diaz [B99]- Rosa is a cool character with a cooler jacket and I enjoy watching her, I don’t have a deeper reason than that.

10. Anthy Himemiya [Revolutionary Girl Utena]- Anthy is a character that has more questions than answers within the context of her own story. She has done many horrible things and should be held accountable, however, Anthy has been the victim of abuse for years and as a character we must take that in consideration. But where do we draw the line for guilt/personal responsibility? How much physical/emotional abuse can really mess a person up and drive them to these terrible acts? Also, I thought she had the most character growth in the series, which made the ending all the more powerful because of what she went through and the choices she had to make to get there. However, I would literally die for all the women in RGU so…

Bonus: Xena the Warrior Princess, Medusa

Mutuals/followers please feel free to do this and tag me in your post!

[unexpectedreylo]

Mary Sue Or Not?

Having climbed aboard the Reylo ship 10-11 months ago, I’ve written quite a bit about them as a couple and about Kylo/Ben, since he is endlessly fascinating on many levels and he is the last Skywalker heir.

But it’s time to shine some light on our girl Rey, the heroine of this fairy tale/gothic romance novel collision in space.  And the first thing I want to address is whether or not it’s fair to call her a Mary Sue.

One problem we have is no one really can define what a Mary Sue is anymore; it’s become what former U.S. Supreme Court justice Potter Stewart once said about obscenity...you can’t define it but you know it when you see it.  A lot of the time in modern parlance, it’s a lazy shorthand for “a female character I don’t like.”

But “Mary Sue” did mean something once and it was very specific.  It was meant to describe an original character in fan fiction who was basically an idealized version of the author, there to suck all of the gravity of a particular universe in her direction.  Someone I knew in Star Wars prequel fandom once described a Mary Sue as a fundamental writing error.  I would add it’s the kind of error (usually) young, inexperienced writers who aren’t familiar enough with the source material tend to make.  

The OG Mary Sue from the zine Menagerie #3.

The term “Mary Sue” came from a satirical Star Trek fan fiction (“A Trekkie’s Tale”) written in the ‘70s meant to spoof these kinds of stories.  The heroine, Mary Sue, is the youngest Starfleet officer at 15.5 years old and is half-Vulcan.  Everyone falls in love with Lt. Mary Sue; of course Capt. Kirk hits on her but being a woman of virtue, she rebuffs him.  She dies a tragic death trying to save the Enterprise and is mourned by all (in the early days, Mary Sues often died tragically and heroically).   Since then Mary Sues have become more sophisticated and varied, but are often marked by their extraordinary skills, unusual but beautiful appearance, and ridiculously convoluted names (”Mary Sue” is pretty vanilla these days for a Mary Sue).  They also stubbornly refuse to die.  But the principles remain the same:  the Sue is the always the center of attention, the Sue is always a usurper, and the rules of the canonical universe/characterizations always bend or break to justify a character who really doesn’t fit into that universe at all.  For example in “A Trekkie’s Tale,” the normally stoical Mr. Spock blubbers like a baby at Mary Sue’s funeral.  In the infamous “My Immortal,” the denizens of Hogswarts are transformed into suicidal bisexual “goffs” to accommodate its Draco-humping vampire anti-heroine “Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way.”   (”My Immortal” just might be the 21st century internet troll’s version of “A Trekkie’s Tale.”)

I started reading Star Wars fan fiction 26 years ago and every now and then, I’d run into a Mary Sue.  More often than not, she was Force-sensitive and was usually paired with Luke.  In older zines, particularly ones pre-TESB, I’d see the kind often paired with Han Solo that I’d called “Spacer Sues.”  About 20 years ago I wrote a fic spoofing Star Wars-style Mary Sues called “Hello Jedi Sue.”  In the story the main character Sue was sucked up into a tornado and sent into the GFFA.  She had a higher midichlorian count than even Anakin and immediately upon meeting Luke, he realizes she is destined for him.  Over the course of the story, she leads Rogue Squadron to victory against a stray Sith Lord who turns up out of nowhere (she’d never flown an X-wing before), she pilots the Falcon through an asteroid field after Han suffers a heart attack, and of course she trains to be a Jedi.  Leia is kind of chilly to her at first but comes around and gives her a ring that once belonged to Queen Amidala, the only memento she has left of her birth mother.  Some apprentice gets jealous of her and pushes her off the top of the temple to her death.  Leia declares it a worse tragedy than Alderaan.  Everyone’s crying and stuff but Sue uses her Force superpowers to resurrect herself.  She and Luke marry and she immediately gets pregnant.  Obi-Wan’s ghost appears to tell the happy couple she is his granddaughter and Qui-Gon’s great-granddaughter (don’t ask).  

So you might say TFA raised my eyebrows because some of it reminded me of “Hello Jedi Sue.”  Before everyone hits the unfollow button, I DO NOT think that Rey is a Mary Sue.

I’ll break it down like this.  In order for a character to be a Mary Sue, the character must do most if not all of the following:

Be an idealized version of the author.

Be the center of attention, even in situations where it wouldn’t be practical or appropriate.

Bend or break the rules of the canon universe just to fit in.

Possesses highly unusual but beautiful looks and exhibit a large amount of extraordinary skills.

Be irresistible, especially sexually irresistible, to everyone.

Usurp the roles played by canon characters and their importance.

So, let’s go over that list with Rey in mind.

1.  Is she an idealized version of J.J. Abrams, Rian Johnson, Lawrence Kasdan, or George Lucas (who created Rey’s progenitor “Kira”)?

Uhh, I doubt it.  It’s not just that Rey is obviously not of the same sex, but she doesn’t seem to exhibit anything that reminds me of these men in real life.  Sure she’s packed with girl power but so what?  So are Lara Croft, Ellen Ripley, Sarah Connor, Padme Amidala, Xena, Leia Organa, Black Widow, Wonder Woman, that dragon chick from Game Of Thrones, Ahsoka, etc..  

2.  Is she the center of attention, even where it wouldn’t be practical or appropriate?

She’s the main hero(ine) of this trilogy and the avatar for the audience but she serves the same function that Luke Skywalker did in the OT or Anakin Skywalker did in the PT.  So of course the story is going to focus on her.  But if she was genuinely a Mary Sue, she would be doing everything of importance in the film to the point of making everyone else useless.  They could be sitting by the sidelines having a beer while she’s basically running the movie.  

3.  Does she bend or break the rules of the canon universe just to fit in?

This is one point where I think a lot of the contention lies.  She gets accused a lot of being “overpowered.”  Well, what does that mean?  The way I see the narrative shaping up after two films, she is obviously very powerful in the Force but TLJ makes it clear her power level is the same as Kylo’s.  I think the movies are hinting she and Kylo/Ben are something new and unique, a creation of the Cosmic Force in its post Anakin-balanced state.  I hope we get more of an explanation of this because I think it would go a long way to reassure people.  

On that note, another common complaint is that Rey takes on skills rapidly with minimal training.  I admit, I felt this was a problem the first time I saw TFA.  I couldn’t understand why for instance she was able to use the Jedi mind trick so quickly without any training.  By contrast, Luke wasn’t able to use the mind trick until ROTJ.  I couldn’t understand why she was able to defeat someone trained in the Force in a lightsaber duel, regardless of his mental state or injury.  It took until I saw TLJ and saw some comments from one of the story groupers that I understood she’d basically downloaded Kylo’s skills when he entered her mind and she’d entered his.  Now I get it.  But this is one criticism I still have of TFA; it didn’t make that clear enough to the audience.  There’s a reason why George Lucas spent time letting you know Luke was a good bush pilot on Tatooine who could shoot womp rats in his T-16 or Anakin could win a pod race...it’s so that when they fly out to blow up something at the end of the movie, you’re able to understand why they can do that.  Sometimes you do have to make movies so that the common idiot can figure it out!

Now a critic might argue that Rey Matrixing her way to Jedi skills is lazy.  Maybe the filmmakers wanted to make sure they had a protagonist able to get into the mix early on because there weren’t enough Force-sensitive characters around who could’ve taken on Kylo.  But then again, did we really see the OT or PT spend a lot of time on training?  Luke fought Darth Vader after about 25 minutes of training in TESB and we never saw Anakin train at all; 10 years had passed between TPM and AOTC and by the latter film, he was able to do all kinds of cool stuff.  And TLJ makes it clear that while Rey had the skills, she still needed direction and instruction.  She thought the Force just controlled people and made things float!

And sometimes the audience misses things, especially if they only see a movie once.  For instance, the first time I saw TFA I was baffled why Rey was able to pilot the Falcon.  It seemed like Little Miss Desert Scavenger just hopped into the cockpit and away she went, whereas if I just got on a spaceship for the first time ever, I’d crash that mo-fo pretty quickly.  Then when I saw the film again some time later, the dialogue makes it clear she IS able to pilot.  She never left Jakku not because she couldn’t leave but because she was still waiting for her loser parents to come back.

4.  Is she irresistible to everyone?

Mary Sues always get a reaction out of every canon character and that reaction is a strong one.  It’s always fierce devotion, instant BFFs forever, undying passionate and true love, boiling-over lust, or pure loathing and hatred (that of course turns into the opposite or the hater is toast).  There’s never indifference, or relationships that take time to build, or first impressions that turn out to be wrong, etc..  And it’s always instantaneous.  

Most of the good guys like Rey but is any of it different from how characters took to Luke in the OT or Anakin in the PT?  Not really.  The only thing that stands out is Leia running over to hug the girl she’s known for part of a movie over Chewbacca but even Abrams admitted he’d goofed.  And one instance does not a Mary Sue make.

The only characters who have more intense feelings for Rey are Kylo and Finn and in both cases, those feelings are complicated.  

5.  Does she have a highly unusual but beautiful appearance and exhibit a large amount of extraordinary skills?

Note the lack of rainbow hair and silver eyes.

Daisy Ridley is a beautiful young woman but as Rey, it seems like if anything they’re shooting for more of a natural, earthy beauty that befits her character.  There’s nothing unusual about how she looks or how she dresses.  She looks like she would almost fade into the crowd if you didn’t know who or what she was.  Mary Sues on the other hand ALWAYS have to be noticed for their looks.

As for Rey’s skills, this is another thing people criticize.  But in the Star Wars universe, being a Force-user isn’t alone an indication of Mary Sue-dom.  Now if Rey was more powerful than anyone else ever, even Anakin Skywalker, that would be a Mary Sue issue.  But the films make it clear that she isn’t more powerful than everyone; her power level is the same as Kylo’s.  Her only advantage comes from being the more morally correct character in the story.

Her other skills are explained in the films and are nothing unusual in the Star Wars universe.  She’s a good pilot but not such an ace everyone’s saying she’s better than Wedge Antilles, Poe Dameron, and Luke Skywalker combined.  She’s a grease monkey but that comes from years of scavenging.  Her talents aren’t just dropping out of the ether.  

A Mary Sue would be the most powerful Force user ever, the greatest pilot of all time, someone who could teach space aeronautics at MIT at the age of 20, have an IQ higher than Einstein’s, be the greatest and most ingenious hacker, a better leader than Leia, a better shot than Annie Oakley even while drunk, cook like Julia Child, have sex like a porn star, have a singing voice like an angel, and is all-around the best at everything that needs to be done at any given time, ALL OF THE TIME. That’s not quite what we’re getting with Rey.

6..  Does she usurp roles played by canon characters and their importance?

This is another area of heated contention and it depends on what you believe are the filmmakers’ intentions.  Are they setting Rey up to be the “real” Chosen One, essentially changing Lucas’s story?  Are they setting up the Skywalkers as unworthy so Rey has to basically take their place as the “gods” end their cursed line?

Believe it or not, I was really worried this was exactly what Disney was going to do.  Now, I don’t think this is the case.  If anything, Rey is there in part to save the Skywalker line and legacy, not to end it or steal it for herself.  But I suspect there are a lot of fans who still think this is where they are going in IX, so of course they’re going to resent Rey.

I came to the conclusion after seeing TLJ that while Rey is important and the lead character, she’s not the center of gravity in the story.  Kylo Ren is.  Pay attention; nearly everything that’s happening in the films is in some way because of him or related to him.  It’s harder to believe she’s some random OC who broke into the Star Wars saga to suck the attention away from the Skywalkers once you realize this.

All of these said, there’s one more reason why Rey is not a Mary Sue.

Canon characters by definition cannot be Mary Sues!

It drives me nuts that people call canon characters Mary Sues.  The whole point of a Mary Sue is someone who doesn’t really fit in with a universe so the universe is fit around her.  Bella Swan may be a lot of things but she’s not a Mary Sue.  (Now if you wrote a Twilight OC who pushes out Bella, gets Edward to fall in love with her, and gets Edward to give up his vampire ways and become a Christian, THAT’s a Mary Sue.)  Now, some fans won’t accept anything Disney produced as canon but this is what we’ve got and it’s all we’re getting.    

I don’t know who did this--I found it on Know Your Meme--but it’s a decent guide.

[girl4music]

“But I can tell you this, Xena… you’re the only constant in my life, and unless you know something I don’t, I’m not going anywhere. So I’m going to say the most selfish thing I’ve ever said to you: that baby’s my baby too, and I deserve a chance to fight for it as much as you.”

- Gabrielle, ‘Them Bones, Them Bones’ (Original script dialogue.)

They knew what they were doing with this scene. Especially the way Xena AND Gabrielle’s heads turn back to the baby at exactly the same time as if they were both proud of making that little bundle of joy between their arms. Also notice how Gabrielle only steps away after a glance towards Xena and Eve, clearly assessing that they both need to be alone while she responds to Hercules' request. As if to say "You stay here, I'll take care of business."

Dialogue is rarely ever needed between these two because the body language communicates so much in small intimate scenes like this. Both the mark of great acting and great chemistry between the actresses. I've always said that it's the quiet moments that truly reveal the depth of the loving relationship between Xena and Gabrielle. Whether you see it in a romantic way or not, you cannot deny that it is not filled with unconditional love. Especially where Gabrielle is concerned.

In fact...

I'm reminded of what Ares says in the ice cave in confession to what he believes to be a dead Xena about the dichotomy between his love for Xena and Gabrielle's love for Xena.

"You're with her now. I handled you all wrong. I know that. She knew what you needed - unconditional and unselfish love - and I couldn't give that to you. But I appreciated you in ways she never could. Your rage, your violence, your beauty. When you sacrificed yourself for others, you were hers. But when you kicked ass, you were mine. I love you, Xena."

- Ares, ‘Looking Death In The Eye’.

And I back up what I say in my character study thesis. The reason why Gabrielle won Xena's affection every time wasn't just because she was good at that moment. It's because she was given a CHOICE to be good in EVERY moment. Ares never offered her that choice. It was always "be mine, or die". Gabrielle always did - she would just take herself out of the picture if Xena chose evil or stand against her.

Such a striking difference is often not spoken about in this love triangle the writers obviously intended between Xena, Gabrielle and Ares. It says that the show never really went one way or the other on the romance not just because it couldn't... But because it didn't have to. There was importance in keeping the romance balanced although many wouldn't admit to it and would rather just complain about it instead. As for me, I think it's one of the most groundbreaking things about it. Rob was definetly right about keeping it this way and I back him up on it 100%. We knew that Gabrielle had Xena's heart. However, the conflict in Xena's heart would always remain because Ares would always be around to remind her of her former life. And in so doing this, we learn that Xena could never be definitively one way or the other either. This is what made her character so damn dynamic. And why it was leagues ahead of its time in queer representation. Even today, a bisexual narrative like this is never done. Or rather - it’s done but it’s never written this well. It’s never connected to the major narratives and themes. And that’s because the queer characters are never the major characters. They’re never the actual narrative. Instead, the queer characters have to wrap around it. And that’s the wrong way of going about doing this.

I don’t care what anyone says.

Gabby was the daddy.

Or the other mother, if you prefer. Although, I would definetly say Gabrielle’s role was typically that of a father. I don’t like gender norms, roles and stereotypes either but that doesn’t mean those are off-limits to a woman.

I’ve said before that the fact Gabrielle was depicted as doing the “typical father” role means the writers were abolishing the belief that only a man can do it and therefore using gender norms, roles and stereotypes as a way to promote equality and solidarity.

If you have a problem with me calling Gabrielle the “father” of Eve, you have to understand I am speaking from the point of view they would have in their time. There was no such thing as a same-sex couple in Ancient Greece in the sense that they could marry and have children without the participation of a male figure. Of course gay couples would exist but would not be socially accepted. Hell, it wasn’t even socially accepted a decade ago. What makes you think it was then? So me referring to Gabrielle as that male figure in Eve’s life should be seen as a compliment, not an insult. I’m saying she had the capability to fill that role and she wasn’t even a man. Just like how Xena could fill the role of a warlord and she wasn’t a man. Can’t you see that I am giving them respect as people who can take on both the feminine and masculine side of situations? Xena and Gabrielle were human anomalies and that’s bloody awesome as far as I’m concerned. I wish more shows today had that kind of gender roles representation with their characters. Sadly, they don’t.

[mfmagazine]

Patrick Fabian

Article by Ricky Tavi

Photo by Josh Madson

Patrick Fabian is likely one of those actors who seems to have been in so many movies we’ve seen so many TV shows we’ve watched and so many adverts we’ve listened to. And yet because his performances and characters are so diverse and convincing, it just hasn’t seemed necessary to remember his real name.

But Patrick Fabian may not be able to avoid the personality spotlight too much longer. As the season of his current CMT sitcom, ‘Working Class’ just ended, he’s looking at another critically acclaimed success to add to his nearly 20 year acting resume.

Patrick spent some time with us and allowed us to discover something of the real life personality behind the brilliant list of stage and screen characters that this fine actor has so often brought to life.

Our interview reveals a man of humor and humility. He gives us a glimpse of his Working Class co-star Ed Asner - is he easy to work with? – And, with a big smile, drops a hint about the most famous screen character he’d welcome the chance to portray. Read on to discover the fascinating background to one of Hollywood’s better kept secrets – Patrick Fabian.

In your 18 year acting career you have appeared in just about every performance medium possible – stage, movies, TV, voice-over, adverts…..the list seems endless. So starting with the most recent, and where today’s buzz is, please divulge something about the new CMT series, ‘Working Class’.

This has been a great experience and a ton of fun to do. It's a smart, funny sitcom that'll get the whole family laughing; it's a real traditional show in the vein of "Roseanne" & "Everybody Loves Raymond". If you haven't tuned in, now's the chance to see what all the fun's about.  And there's gonna be some kissin'!

Do you think you were an easy choice to portray your character?

Well, I run Parker Foods and am the boss of Melissa Peterman and Ed Asner's characters, so clearly, someone in casting thought I knew how to order people around! That, and wear Armani well. I think I can bring a bit of humor and good nature to the usual traits that bosses possess.

I read somewhere that you are happy to be thought of as a ‘working class actor’. If so, are you bringing ‘real life’ to your part – albeit the show is not intended to be taken too seriously?

The show is meant to make people laugh, we're not solving the world's problems, you know? And being a working class actor, for me, means that I get to do a wide variety of roles and situations, and that I'm fortunate enough to work fairly consistently. Although, let's be clear; if you need me to be a Star, I'm open to that.

Ed Asner, one of your co-stars in ‘Working Class’, is known for his real life advocacy of the ‘common man’. What special energy do you think his outlook on life has brought to the show?

Ed's a man of his word and certainly backs up his beliefs with his actions and I respect him for that. His acting experience and skills are totally fun to work with and I've learned a lot from watching him. He's not afraid to fail in life or work.

Comments from your colleagues in the show talk of the fun and good humor that has made the production work such a pleasant experience. With so many seasoned actors are you all able to stick to the script? Is ad libbing allowed?

I can easily say it's been one of the easiest sets to work on; we laughed all the time. And that tone is set by Melissa Peterman; she's a shining light and considering the crazy schedule we were on, that's no small feat. And Melissa comes from improv, so she's wonderful on her feet and can ad-lib all day long. The writers' wrote us great material and they weren't averse to our going off the rails: we were all looking for the funny.

As an actor you’ve portrayed the deadly serious to the comic. How do you classify yourself primarily – if you do?

I think it's all about the point of view you bring to any particular role, and how that fits into the whole, you know? I'm fortunate to work in both serious and comic worlds and I like it like that. However, if James Bond ever opens up..........

Where do you have the most fun? In theater or movies?

They all have their charms, (and frustrations), but I definitely have a soft spot for live theatre; it's where I learned my craft and the immediacy of a play and it's interaction with an audience can't be beat.

All reports are that you have a great sense of humor. Could you ever imagine yourself as a stand-up comedian? Ever tried it?

I have way too much respect for stand-up to try it. I need writers. Wildly, talented writers making me look good. Daily.

As a serious actor, has Shakespeare featured much in your stage experience?

I got my Equity Card at the Shakespeare L.A. Festival years ago playing Moth in "Love's Labor's Lost". Shakespeare under the stars at the John Anson Ford Theatre in the summertime. A wonderful experience and I would kill to be at the Festival in New York City's Central Park.

Ever played Hamlet? Would you want to?

No I haven't. And yes, given the opportunity, I think every male actor would love a crack at it.

Your career has given you the opportunity for a lot of travel. Much time away from home. Now that you are a parent – congratulations, by the way, to you and your wife, Mandy Steckelberg, on the birth of your daughter Abbey Ray – will you be earning fewer frequent flyer miles?

Well, they say have a baby and the world will provide (or something like that) and so far, that has been the case, although most jobs have kept me local. I thought it would be great to get a series in New Zealand or Europe for a few years while Abbey Ray's still a wee one. But my wife has been wonderful about the work when it does take me out of town. Many of friends have managed it all, so I imagine we will too; we should be blessed with such problems, right?

What are some of your favorite place around the world?

Wandering the old streets of Barcelona, the Playhouses of London, NYC's Central Park, Muir Woods just over the Golden Gate Bridge and Will Rogers State Beach in Santa Monica, Ca.

You are one of the hardest working and most experienced actors in today’s industry – and yet you manage to avoid the excesses of the paparazzi. How do you balance keeping a private life with the demands of your work to be in the spotlight?

Well, going back to what a 'working class' actor is; I'm familiar to a lot of people because I've been in such broad spectrum of venues, but I don't necessarily stand out as one particular role, one that the paparazzi or public is that enamored or obsessed with, so I get the benefits of being known, but without the downside of being crazily sought after. (Again, if you need a STAR, however......)

You’ve been active in the union movement on behalf of stage and screen actors and others in the entertainment industry, and have held union elective office. Could you imagine a political career in the future?

I've really enjoyed my experience on the SAG Hollywood Board; it's a great reminder that you need to have personal responsibility for what goes on in your Union, or for that matter in your City, State and Nation. As much as I would be interested in a political career, I think working with a baby, a chimpanzee and Screech in a single episode of "Saved By The Bell: The College Years", disqualifies me.

It’s difficult to imagine now, that as an actor you’ve ever found yourself ‘resting’. How difficult is it to sift through the offers and scripts to find those that interest you? Are you very selective?

I love to work. And the next job is always the one I'm interested in finding out about. Different jobs rear their heads different ways; this past year has included Commercials, Low-Budget Films, 1/2 Sitcoms, Hourlong Guest Spots, Live Theatre and VoiceOver: I've been wildly fortunate and love to stay busy.

When you are ‘resting’ at home, what do you like to do for R & R?

Take walks with the whole family. (wife, baby & the two dogs) And cooking is very relaxing.

What musical preferences? Are you playing Mozart for your daughter?

I love Rock & Roll and 80's Hair Metal, but there's room in my head for lots of different things. We play a kaleidoscope of music for Abbey Ray; I hope she takes to it, but you cannot force it. (So far, Rock-a-Bye Baby: Pink Floyd is a big hit!)

What movies have you enjoyed recently?

Loved "The Social Network", "Inception" and "The Awful Truth"(Cary Grant)

Your character in “Working Class’ dresses exceptionally well for a grocery store manager! An anomaly of the storyline? Your stage and screen characters have provided just about every costume statement that could ever be made! What styles reflect your personal comfort zones?

Only on television does a store manager sport Theory, Donna Karan & Armani: What a great business! I love comfortable, horse-riding clothing; Robert Redford around 1974. And the 'Swashbuckler' wardrobe from "Xena" will be hard to top.

Can you give an idea of where you see your career progressing over the next few years? Maybe the next James Bond? Could you ever imagine living elsewhere from LA or is that almost a necessity that comes with the work?

Did you say Bond?  I'd love to spend a chunk of time in New York, albeit with a steady gig. But I love Los Angeles, its home for me and my family now and I wouldn't have it any other way.

It’s clear that you are a man with an active social conscience and also a man of letters – graduate of Penn State & California State Universities. Do you have any words of advice to young actors and performers starting their careers in today’s entertainment industry?

It's the greatest business when's it's all working; and absolutely devastating when it doesn't. Don't take it or yourself too seriously. However, learn your craft. Go to school or take class, and take IT seriously.

[amaltheaz]

All the even questions on the shipping meme! :P

Damn it Heidi 😂😘❤️

2. Talk about three of the most important ships throughout your life.I was in the Xena fandom for a while but I didn’t really ~interact with fandom until I was in the South of Nowhere fandom, shipping Spashley and that was my first real experience with fandom and how messy it can get because howdy doody did that get messy in the forums. Second ship would be… faberry and my number one reason for it will always be that it was how I met @idontneedtobeforgiven and look at us, all married and shit :p. Supercorp would be my third which I don’t think comes as much of a surprise :p

4. What’s your current NOTP?Well, you’re in luck because @gohandinhand just told me today about a Henry/Ruby ship which was a big surprise and a huge motherfreaking no6. How do you feel about love triangles?Love triangles are a tired annoyance that never fails to vex me and do they really serve a purpose? No, just give me poly ships 8. Have you ever shipped yourself with a character?I ship myself with all my fav characters lmao 10. Do you ship any characters that have never met?I have a small canoe with Melinda May and Natasha Romanoff’s names on it. It might just be a raft12. Have you ever been disappointed when your ship finally got together?There have been some ships that disappointed me but only because they ended sooner than they should have. RIP Marissa Cooper/Alex Kelly

14. How do you feel about will they/won’t they?I think if done right, it could be really great16. Talk about a ship you initially dislikedHmmm initially as in I gradually learned to like them? I’m sure that there has to be one but I am apparently blanking on it right now lol18. Talk about a moment which made you question an entire ship.Like… a ship that I ship? I think the only time I’d question a ship that I ship is if they hurt me so much that I can’t function (like clexa at one point).If this question is geared towards whatever ship in any fandom, I will always question how the heck Owen and Cristina lasted as long as they did. I’m tired of Owen

20. Talk about a ship you feel alone in shipping.I don’t exactly feel ~alone shipping it because I know there are a handful of fics for them but I have kind of a real soft spot for Kara and Sam22. Which of your ships have the best chemistry?OHHHHHHHH DON’T ASK ME THAT THEY ALL HAVE AMAZING CHEMISTRY. But if I had to choose, it’d be a tie between faberry and supercorp24. Do you mostly ship canon pairings?Hahahhahahahhahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha WHAT IS CANON PAIRING I kid I kid :pI think it’s pretty equal measure on canon and fanon shipping.? Like… spashley, clexa, doccubus versus faberry, supercorp, superlane so yeah, it all balances out. And plus there are some straight pairings that I do like on some shows like Henry/Bess on Madam Secretary, Mark/Lexie on Grey’s etc etc 26. Have you noticed a pattern in your shipping? Is there a romantic dynamic you’re more drawn to?I am a hopeless romantic but I’m not into this whole idea of love at first sight. I like ships where they’re either friends or they have that potential to be friends and writers on whatever show are just too goddamn stubborn to give it to me. Relationships rooted in friendship are the best kinds

28. Does shipping come easily to you?Not really? It took me some time to ship faberry and supercorp. It was more that I needed to see each character separately and then I’d be like “I like you and you… I THINK I also like you two together????” and then I’ll go hunt for fic to read or ask for fic recs and that’s how I tend to end up falling for a ship. It might take me a little bit but when I love, I love haaaaard

30. Name a couple of fandoms in which you have no ships.Uhhhh… Westworld and Game of Thrones???? Idek lmao

32. Share five must-read fics.Head Full of Doubt, Road Full of Promise by powergrapes is seriously one of the most important faberry fics in the fandom

Sunlit Honey and Lavender Sunsets by wtfoctagon is a gorgeous gorgeous Supergirl fic that has made me cry on many many occasion and so is its sequel

Lightning Only Strikes Once by fiona_249 which is lovely clexa fix-it fic

What’s gonna be left of the world if you’re not in it by ThornedRose44 is a supercorp just like heaven au and I cried so hard reading this

Boats in the Sky by WaveGoodbye is an A++++++++ faberry fic

34. Share your favorite fanmix for your OTP.Oof, I listen to fan mixes that tend to be soundtracks to fics rather than to the ship itself. Last fanmix I listened to was the one that @youngbloodbuzz made for Kara

36. Do you create fanmixes/gif sets/fanart/fic/fanvids and so on for your ships?*cries* I’m a writer

38. Do you like and use ship names?It is easier to use ship names especially when tagging, though i tend to tag ship names and the character names anyway40. If you could change one thing about your OTP, what would that be?Give them all more screentime

[lezwatchtv]

In continuing coverage of Outfest, the West Coast LezWatch.TV team went to LA again for the showing of season two of a supernatural cop drama by Tello Films: Riley Parra.

What is Riley Parra?

My wife has never watched it, but I described it as ‘a lesbian supernatural cop show with Liz Vassey’ and she was immediately on board. I was intrigued by the show when I heard about it, since it’s the kind of goofy sci-fi/fantasy stuff that’s right up my alley. I’m a huge fan of things like Xena, Buffy, and of course Wynonna Earp, so I tuned in to Tello Films for some irreverent fun.

The premise of the show is simple: Riley Parra is a detective for the crime-ridden No Man’s Land, a destitute part of town where she in fact grew up. Now she tries to be the cop the people need, but she wasn’t quite expected to run into angels, demons, and a smoking hot medical examiner, Gillian Hunt, who digs her. At the end of season one, Riley has survived her first battle with a devil, and has to figure out where to go from here, and how to bring Gillian along with her.

Season two picks up right after season one, and Riley finds herself balancing friendships, a relationship, and of course that pesky old demon who wants her, the champion of Good, out of the way. People aren’t always who they seem to be in No Man’s Land.

Made by and for LGBT

Tello Films was founded in 2007 with the goal of telling stories for the lesbian/queer community.

The story of Riley Parra was written by Geonn Cannon, who wanted to write a detective story that wasn’t just a procedural. Inspired by a random song he was listening to, he crafted a world of angels and demons, pitched it to Tello, who grabbed it and ran with it. Christin Baker, the director, did not read the books before, instead choosing to take the script and adjusting the story for television.

Liz Vassey, Christin Baker, and Geonn Cannon

More than just making niche content, they want to monetize it, make it viable for people to create these shows we want to see.

I saw a need ten years ago, and I think there’s still a need to support filmmakers and voices who aren’t always heard. We’re really lucky, now that they’re not killing us all the time, to have a lot more representation on screen. But I think there’s also a space for monetizing niche content.

— Christin Baker, Tello Films

Her small company works hard to let those voices have space, where female led stories can take shape. Where LGBT stories can have happy endings.

Behind the Scenes

While the cast isn’t entirely queer, they are all allies who want to see more representation on television. They’re also well aware of the political situation and the difficulties making a cop show in these times. The choice of casting Caitlyn Priest (who is white in the books) as a black woman was absolutely intentional, for example. And having the story address some of those situations, as much as you can in a 45 minute season, is complicated.

Marem Hassler and Liz Vassey

The cast also has amazing chemistry together, which goes a long way when you’re talking about a show that has to stretch credulity. Angels and demons aren’t always the easiest sell, but when a cast gels properly, it can make things as simple as an awkward hug or a run into a doorframe fit perfectly.

I spoke to Geonn (who has his own Patreon where you can read exclusive short stories) about the world. Important to me is that while I greatly want to see stories by queers of queers, I feel that there are writers out there who can and do write great works about people who are not themselves. I asked Geonn the secret to writing lesbian stories, when he wasn’t one. It’s a hot take, possibly revolutionary, but “Queer women are people,” he said.

Star Liz Vassey and co-executive producer Kitty Swink talked with me for a while after the showing as well. We’re all “Smurf blue” as Liz put it, so not only do we care about the world and the uncomfortable political climate we’re in, but it’s also inspiring us to do more and show more.

In reference to doing things like [Riley Parra], the writing was really fun, the cast was fun. Kitty’s involved, and I’ll do anything for her. But the biggest reason is because, and I’ve said this before in interviews, the fact that that pilot got out and has been watched so many times for Nikki & Nora tells me that there’s not enough representation.

– Liz Vassey

We all ways better representation, positive non-death representation, and absolutely successful representation.

And season three? Yes. They’re working on it now.

Subscribe to Tello Films

If you want to watch and support shows like Riley Parra, subscribe to Tello Films. It’ll cost you about $55 a year, which is way less than Netflix and way more queer as well.

If you’re a creator, they have an open Pitch to Production (available until August 1st) where you can submit your web series to them and get help making your story a reality.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

LezWatch.TV is Out at Outfest with #RileyParra by @tellofilms In continuing coverage of Outfest, the West Coast LezWatch.TV team went to LA again for the showing of season two of a supernatural cop drama by…

[thedeaditeslayer]

Bruce Campbell interview: Hail To The Chin, Evil Dead, Spider-Man, Burn Notice, Jar Jar Binks.

Here’s a rather long interview that is worth the read including some brand new info on Bruce’s career and the past.

Serendipity is a beautiful thing. At the beginning of 2009, when Den of Geek was still relatively fresh faced, Mr. Bruce Campbell was over in the UK to promote My Name Is Bruce, a film he directed and starred in that playfully skewed his own persona and we were fortunate enough to get some face to face with the man himself, having trekked through an eerily abandoned London in the midst of a freak snow storm, which you can read here.

For this particular writer though, it marked my first ever interview – a high point in itself, but with the added pressure of speaking to one of my all-time heroes. Consequently, due to Sir Campbell's generosity and good nature during the process, it gave me the confidence to continue down that path and I've been forever grateful. In the years since, partly due to not wanting to tarnish the memory by risking a second encounter, we hadn't crossed paths again, but since he was heading back to the UK to promote his latest book Hail To The Chin: Further Confessions Of A B Movie Actor, and I was fortunate enough to be offered the chance, how could I say no?

The interview ended up taking place just before he was about to head to Forbidden Planet for a book signing and as a result of a busy schedule, the location had been moved last minute from Titan Books publishing office, to his hotel. On arrival I was told to head up to the restaurant area, where I spotted Bruce with his assistant (as well as actor and stuntman) Mike Estes sat up to the bar. Having arrived early I apologized and introduced myself, offering to take myself elsewhere until the allocated time, but Bruce proffered a bar stool and as I sat, got me a beer and things flowed from there.

As a result, instead of the usual formalities, we ended up chatting for nearly an hour, so below is the core of the conversation – especially as there was often digression into talk of alcohol. Tequila is his "poison of choice", though his description of Laphroaig whisky had me in hysterics during a mid-interview pause when referring to Mike as "Sucking on saddle fumes, he's smelling the balls of the earth right there! It's Sasquatch's ball sack drippings. It's a saddle that's been rode hard and put away wet. There's scotch and then there's crack of the ass of the earth – you can quote me on that!"

Hail To The Chin: Further Confessions Of A B Movie Actor is every bit the honest, insightful and compelling read that the first Chins book was, with Campbell's unique voice making even home improvement entertaining, as it follows the next fifteen years of his career from Jack Of All Trades to Ash Vs Evil Dead. Though I thought I'd start our conversation by asking about the person who's endured the most throughout his career, which he answered with his usual dry humour…

There were two things that really struck me about the book, in terms of recurring themes, and the first one was Ida your wife, and the amount of suffering by proxy she's had to endure.

Yeah, I put her in the hospital. I almost got her arrested by Bulgarian police! She puts up with a lot of shit. It's just because I'm so dynamic and amazing, it's really what it is, that's what keeps her coming back for more, otherwise she'd be married to some drip, rich attorney, some guy who couldn't get it up, I mean you know…

An easy life!

She knows what she could be stuck with, so - I have a friend Danny Hicks, Danny's like 'You know what, my wife is never going to find anyone better than me', he was convinced of that, he's just a random friend of mine, actor friend of mine. He was utterly convinced of that. So, that's my approach, she can't possibly do any better… although she could, but it's fine!

So, you're relying on complacency?

Smoke and mirrors. No, not complacency, with my wife what works is keeping her off balance. Like, she doesn't like the same thing over and over again, so this provides that, but then she complains that about not having any kind of stability, I'm like 'Well, careful. Careful for what you wish for!' I'm a Cancer, I'm supposed to hunker down and never leave, but I'm never home, so that's a great irony of my life.

Did you get to bring her to London for this tour?

Well, when you say 'get to', I mean, she picks her cities. She'll go 'You can have Gary, Indiana, I'm coming to London.'

That's fair enough though!

Oh my god, what a great life she has!

It's sort of weird having an informal setting to do an interview, I'm so used to the hotels and…

Yeah, those are a bore.

Press rooms and things but...

Press rooms are a bore!

It's funny because I've only ever spoken to you once before, nine years ago when you were over in London for…

My Name Is Bruce! With the snow storm.

It was the freak snow storm.

It was! How many inches did we get? It was either, we either got eleven inches and it was the most in seventeen years, or it was seventeen inches the most in eleven years - it was a long time. They were afraid the beer was going to run out throughout the city.

Oh really?

There were a couple of articles that were like 'What would happen?' because train operators couldn't get to their stations to operate the trains. I mean, it wasn't even like the trains couldn't run, operators couldn't get to the trains. It was amazing. That was my last time here.

Was it really?

Yeah, it was the last time I was here!

I should say, I owe you a debt of thanks because that was actually the first interview I'd ever done.

Oh, that's hilarious.

And I had to go in and think 'Ok, let's see if I can do this', but because that went so well, you actually gave me the confidence to go and do more.

Good! Good and I will be responsible for you getting out of the business… eventually. I know people who are very powerful in media.

Oh I see, so you can get me fired?

Well, you said it not me.

[Laughing] So when did you decide that the time was right for Hail To The Chin, because technically it's a second part to the first Chins book?

To the trilogy.

There's going to be a trilogy?

Oh yeah! Fifteen years, Final Confessions. George Lucas, eat your heart out man, I've got the original trilogy. No, it just evolved into that and it seemed like it was time. A lot of weird crap had happened. Business changed, I changed, move on in my life, it wasn't the same old same old anymore, there was a different criteria for working, so by the end of act two, I'm ready for part three.

We're also going to know really soon if they're up for season four of Ash Vs Evil Dead, or not, on Starz.

Oh, is it that time?

Oh yeah, we're within days now.

Because last time you were here, you just found out that Burn Notice had gone straight to the top of the ratings.

Burn Notice was doing well, yeah, that was a good run - that was a good seven year run. We tied Miami Vice. Miami Vice did hundred and eleven episodes and so did we. They ran fewer seasons, but they did more episodes per seasons. Those days they did twenty two.

So was it just fortunate timing then that, by the time you knew that the second book was done, you could stick the Ash Vs Evil Dead chapter on the end?

Yeah, because I was going to end with Burn Notice - you always want to end on a big note (adopts nerdy voice) "Oh yeah we're the number one show on cable!" and "Oh yeah everything's great" - you always end it with that, always, why would you not? You don't want to say (in a low register) "And then we got cancelled." But this way I could tell the whole Burn Notice story, but the most important aspect was being able to literally crawl back into the womb. That was why ending on that note, to me, was way more important. I got to go back to the very beginning again. I started with Evil Dead, I may very well end with Evil Dead. That may very well be one of the last professional gigs I do and it was one of the first.

With The Evil Dead, as you say in the book, you owe it gratitude but it almost seems to be a love/hate relationship – and those are my words obviously.

It's more love than hate. It's only hate because I'm actually more type cast by fans, than by my own industry. Within my own industry I've worked for Disney, multiple times, I did Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs, I did Love Bug. I did a French film, La Patinoire, Gold Rush I did for Disney also. So I've done unrated, I've done Disney, lots of TV, but if that's all you watch, that's all you watch. If you're a horror person, then you'll only know me for that.

I've done a western, I've played the King of Thieves, Hercules, Xena - I could go on.  So, I only get pissed off when people say "Hey how does it feel to be best known as…' I'm like 'Best known to you.' I've got people who watch Burn Notice who didn't watch Evil Dead. They wouldn't watch that shit, they like spy shows. They don't like gore. Not a lot of people did find out that the old guy on Burn Notice made weird movies when he was younger. That's what cracks me up! [laughs and adopts nerdy voice again] "Oh I didn't realise you made these weird movies when you were a young guy", I'm like 'Yeah well, there you go.'

Absolutely and I love that a point of reference will and should change depending on who you are. When I left this morning, to my three year old I was going to speak to Coach Boomer, because I like to give him a frame of reference for what I'll be doing if I'm late back…

Absolutely, Sky High.

And so for him, Disney will be his first introduction.

Ours too.

Yeah, because as you say in the book - that's why it was good to get a call from Disney because you, like everyone, grew up loving Disney - I don't know anyone who doesn't. The other recurring theme I meant to mention from Hail To The Chin was, I couldn't believe how many times you've almost died!

Oh yeah, the infections...

The arm infection and car accidents…

Yeah well, that's life, isn't it? Here I am. I'm still standing. My time's not up yet!

Was it strange when you were writing the book and you put everything in succession, were there any themes that stood out?

Yeah, drive carefully. Always wear your seatbelt!

I think it's quite telling that the older I've become, the more interesting it is to read about your home renovations, as it is about anything else.

Well the guy who I was writing this with, Craig Sanborn, the guy who wrote the book with me, was like 'Do you really want to put that in about the bureau of land management? You think they're going to go "Whoopee!" and now we get to talk about the bureau of land management. So I'm like 'I don't know, it's interesting to me.'

I do think it's one of those weird things with age - when you're younger you think you're never going to take an interest in things like DIY, or gardening and then suddenly you hit a point where that changes.

Well it's called perspective and maturation and you realise that what you do isn't really the 'be all and end all', there's other stuff that keeps you busy. I love getting involved in land use issues, it’s important, water shares matter [I think he says], it doesn't matter who you are.

You also make a point as well that, as an actor, you get used to having people do things for you [he laughs] and so when you moved out of LA and into Oregon, you were on your own, because I always felt like my dad in particular could do anything, you know? Take a car apart…

My older brother could do that!

He could do plumbing and electrics and I feel useless by comparison!

Yep, my older brother can do any of that. Well, here's what I say – do Army Of Darkness. That's what I say to anyone who thinks that we either don't have skills, or what we do is sort of superficial.

And by that do you mean read and research?

Well, actually it's been kind of fun honestly to go back and to move out there and to re-establish skills too. So yeah, I do know how to blade my drive way now, so, I can do that but slowly. Yeah actors they do have a lot of stuff done for them, for sure. I'm not George Bush - George senior, George Bush didn't know what a scanner was at a supermarket.

Of course yeah, because he hadn't been able to just go to the shops.

He hadn't been expected to shop for so long and he didn't know what it was, he goes 'Wow look at this!' and I'm like 'Yeah, you scan it.' He was like 'Wow that's great!' It was like sending the Royal family in there - same thing [puts on appropriate accent] "Hmm what's this? Look at that! Wonderful!"

When you write about Sam Raimi, as he obviously comes up across various projects you've done, was it really a case of you ringing him and hassling him about being in every Spider-Man film?

Only randomly - only for the first one, I was like 'Sam, you're making Spider-Man, there's no way I'm not in that.' I'm like 'There's got to be something, you have forty eight cast members in that!' So yeah, occasionally I will, I'll just go 'Whaddya got?'

And Tobey Maguire was blissfully unaware of your working relationship!

After the second or third one he was sort of aware - I came back for the second movie and he was like 'What you doing back?' I'm like 'Hey man, you'll be gone one day, I'll always be here!'

I guess depending on your own knowledge of the two of you and your working relationship, you almost take it for granted that everyone is aware of your history.

Yes and no - it's really fun though working on say Oz The Great And Powerful, as Sam's fun and starts trash talking me in front of everyone and I start trash talking him back and the crew gasped, because they don't know who their day player is – a guy comes in to play a Winkie and starts talking back to this famous director – I laughed my ass off, it's hilarious. They're kissing his arse up one side and down the other, I thought it was hilarious.

But I find that whole thing surreal anyway, even from my perspective as someone that gets to do interviews, because a friend of mine who's a horror director has finally had his career take off, but it's taken twenty years of pushing and everything else that goes with it.

Very often it does.

And I interviewed him when he had a horror film out for Fox two years ago, so when I turn up and say I know the director and I'm going in to surprise him, they think it's an assumed familiarity, not that you're actually mates.

And you do know them.

But they can't get their heads round it, they look at it and think but he's made a film and you're writing about it - there can't be a link.

It's hilarious, I think. Well your friends are your friends, when they know this is all kind of funny. Your friends start taking us too seriously, that's when you go... fortunately I haven't had too many friends go crazy on me, some have though.

There's a lot of recurring friendships that pop up across your career, even in Ash Vs Evil Dead... there's suddenly…

Oh yeah, Ted's (Raimi) back, everybody!

How did Walker Stalker go for you this weekend?

Good, busy. I thought it was good idea not to come to the same place all the time.

Of course, you were saying it has been nine years since you've been over here.

It's good to create a bit of a vacuum. It can get a little too much of like 'Hey Joe, how you doing? if you come every year to Cherry Hill, New Jersey, at the same con, so I try to pace it out. If I've been to a city, I don't really want to go back for three or four years. So, we're going to do a tour for the trade paperback for this book in twenty nineteen in ten cities I've never been to before - or ten of my favourite cities.

That's good, because going back to If Chins Could Kill - the map in the back of that, I remember was insane when we spoke about it before.

Fifty five cities. I'll never do that again. Thirty five last summer, I'll never do that again. I'll probably never do more than twenty.  Twenty cities, three months, two, to three events a week and then after three weeks, you've taken ten days off, before you start again. So you learn many lessons on the last tour… we re-learned many lessons on the last tour!

So, this one is going to be slightly less, is this for just the UK?

Everything will be less from now on. Well this one is for four cities, four events, this is easy money. This is nothing. Mike and I we laugh at this tour! [chuckles] I mean we toured from mid-August to the first week in November, so this is nothing. But it's great because I have not toured for a book in the UK period. I've released a book here through Titan, but I haven't toured and done that whole business. Because I want to get into that, I want to establish that relationship with markets outside the United States.

And its handy timing that it coincided with coming over for Walker Stalker…

[He makes a 'hole in one' potting noise and winks!]

[Laughing] Was it coincidence or a well-planned move?

It was not coincidence, because the Walker Stalker came up and then Dortmund, Germany came up and it actually started with Dortmund I think, so everything was wound up backing into Dortmund, then Walker Stalker came up and Mike reps me for doing appearances and we had done several Walker Stalkers in the States - they're a great new company, relatively new, run a good ship, get a great turn out - so we thought Walker Stalker in London, shit yeah, let's go do that.

Because you know this is the birthplace of Evil Dead, this is the cradle of Evil Dead - Palace Pictures, Steve Woolley, guys like that. They made it happen here, they premiered it at the Prince Charles Theatre, made it look like it was the fucking Poseidon Adventure. They went big, they didn't make it seem like it was something they were embarrassed about, they were like [mock shouts] Evil Dead!

Yeah, because it was the attention here that got it launched in the States.

Yeah, then it got banned here, then there was the lawsuit and we came back and then in '83 we were the number one video in the UK - The Shining was number eight.  [laughing]

I'll underline that bit!

That was a beautiful moment.

Yeah, I bet.

I can't… I'm not even going to lie to you. Suck it Stan! If you can compete with the big boys, that's really all that really matters, you can compete - the little guy can compete with the big guy, that's what that represented. There was no 'fuck you' aspect to it, even though you go 'It's fucking Stanley Kubrick!' horror to horror, we went toe to toe. We didn't even go apples and oranges with Stan, we went horror to horror with Stan.

So, that was fun to do, so England - Sam Raimi's insists that we always refer to it as Mother England, because it is the birth of Evil Dead. We could not get arrested for it, we got no distribution deals before we got the deal here. And that's when New Line Cinema, which I called New Lies Cinema, that's when they went 'Oh you know we always liked that movie.' And so we then got a distribution deal because of here. And we thought that could be the opposite, we thought  they'd rip you off overseas, you make your money domestically. This was just the opposite, we did a deal with Thorn EMI, right when video was going crazy, they kept sending us cheques, we were like there must be some mistake,

Aren't you're supposed to rip us off and we're supposed to sue you? Whereas New Line Cinema they advanced us some money and we never saw another penny. So, we took the video money they were supposed to get part of and just didn't share it and they never protested it. We were like okay, well that's your admission of guilt, right there. 'So how about this pal, you keep your money and we keep ours from video' and I guarantee it was actually more than they made. '83 was it, '83 was the explosion of VHS, right around there, police were in our world.

Of course, you were right of the middle of the video nasties ban with Mary Whitehouse and everything that came with it in this country.

Yeah it was amazing.

It created almost like an exponential want to see it - I remember being a kid at school trying to hunt it down.

Best PR ever. Ever. Don't watch this movie - you can't watch this movie. We're keeping it from you. It's not even that it's a higher rating, you know? The UK is like 'No, we're banning it, you don't get it, you don't get to see it at all, not even in a truncated version', so Sam came over, he was all prepared to testify in the court case.

Oh really?

Oh he had a whole Frank Capra, you know "Your honour, here we are as filmmakers…!" He was ready to give a William Shatner speech, but they never needed him and then they won. So it got released and then everyone was like wow, I've got to see this. It made it worse than it was! And now, look at Evil Dead compared to some stuff, compared to Hostel.

I was just going to say Hostel, it's funny that it took that long before there was a landmark like that, where suddenly everyone was like 'that's now the benchmark for splatter and nastiness.'

Yeah watching a guy's dick in a vice for an hour!

[At this point we've been talking for half an hour on record, so I ask if he'd like me to end the interview as I've already had over my allocation of time and he tells me I can finish when I feel I'm done, which I'm always grateful for and was a nice throwback to our first conversation when he gave me extra time. "We're fine, we're fine, my Laphroaig friend doesn't care!" he says gesturing to Mike, leading to the quote in the intro and then goes into an awesome breakdown of the history and geography of all kinds of booze from whisky, to gin, to rum and the measurements you get around the world when ordering – "Whenever the Queen is the money they get very funny about their alcohol!"]

So, we're going to know soon about the show (Ash Vs Evil Dead), this will conclude my touring for this particular book in this form – after this it will be the trade paperback in 2019, so a tour for that and if the show gets cancelled, for the first time in probably twenty five years, I have a blank calendar coming up.

And how does that feel?

Intentionally blank and it's the most fantastic thing I've ever seen in my life. There's a lot of stuff I want to do, but I'm going to shift over now. I'm going to get off the hamster wheel a little bit. Everyone has to make a living and make money, but now it's time to redefine how to do that, because you learn what you learn over the first various decades and then you apply what you've learnt to what you want to do. And there's stuff that I've just checked boxes: I don't want to do this anymore, I don't want to do that anymore.

So you're just going to have some down time?

And also when you're actually working, it's like 'I'm not looking at tennis balls on sticks anymore.' That's what this is, you're not acting scene by scene - Mike and I saw a play two nights ago, you know here we are, actor and Mike does a lot of stunt work and TV himself - and so you're used to doing lots of little tasty bits, a shot here, a shot there and you turn around, whip, boom, you got it – so you go to see a play in London, as we're in the fucking theatre district and it was just such a joy to watch actors act.

One guy acts and the other guy acts and they get the react of each other and you get to watch the scene build, or not, whatever it is, you've got time to do that and those fuckers have got six weeks to figure that out, minimum – big shows, six, eight , ten weeks of rehearsal? Boy I wish I had that! TV shows they go "Hey, you're Ken, you're the bad guy? [shakes my hand to demo an quick intro] Let's block out the final confrontation *dying sound effects* and then you die over here". You've got about ten minutes of peace, you can chase the crew out of there and we would block the scene of the three of us talking and block it all out, but you've gotta do it quick and then you're shooting.

So it's always just nice to look at continuity when you see an actor just acting, and you watch them get out of breath, they sweat, they can't stop - it's awesome! And it's important to see that, because we start to forget. The film business is a form of acting, it's not the purest form, and if you get into special effects, sci-fi, horror – careful Robert Downey Jr. you're looking at a green screen, you're looking at a guy with a stick for the rest of your life. "No, it's over here. No, the world exploding is over here. Oh, no sorry, it's over here now".

If I never hear on a film set [nerd voice] "Three, two, one, GO!" because they're setting up and attack and everything's got to be timed because you're up on a rig, or you're up on a harness and everything has to happen at the same time. You know, how about "Action!" ready and action, no, it's like "Three, two..." and everyone in each department cues up a different number. I'm done with that. It's a very specific type of acting, it's like techno acting. It's like I should've gone into engineering school to do that kind of acting. 'Hit this mark, turn here, look up'. Army Of Darkness was front screen projection, so they were calling numbers "34, 35, 36, 37..." for certain numbers you had to be in certain positions to match what was happening behind you on the front screen. Stupid.

Liam Neeson almost quit! He did one of the Star Wars movies with Jar Jar Binks and then he did The Haunting, back to back. And he was like 'You know what? I think I'm done'. He was so disillusioned by that form of acting, he was like 'This is horse shit, man'. 'Jar Jar Binks, his tongue where? Oh, it's not here? Oh, it's here? Ok, so we have to go again 'cause the tongue is here? Got it. Ok, here we go.' [does a little Neeson impression] Cut. 'Did I get it?' 'No, you have to get a little higher.' 'How am I supposed to see it? Ok put a piece of tape on the wall, over there, so I can look up and know where I have to grab the tongue.' I mean, fuck off. Fuck off - why don't you grab the tongue? You grab the tongue!

At least he managed to carry that kind of thing off…

Some actors can and some can't!

But it didn't translate across the board in that film and you could tell people were struggling, it was just too much.

If your directions from a director are always 'faster and more intense'? I'm sorry man, that don't cut it. Some directors have no idea what to say to an actor, not a clue.

No and I think that George Lucas was sort of infamous for that, he got so preoccupied with the special effects and everything else, that the actors were almost secondary.

Funny thing about that was he was sort of bailed out by the story - crappy dialogue, not great finesse with actors, great story. So in the midst of it, clunky this, clunky that, it didn't really matter, because you've Jedi swinging through the air, blowing chunks out of concrete with their lasers [laughs], it doesn't matter, cool stuff, classic story telling, classic. Classic hero, so that's what saved that.

Yeah and it's interesting how you say in your book how Spider-Man set in motion B list concepts becoming A list properties, especially in terms of how Hollywood looked to then make money from its success.

Sam was a good choice to direct, because he really did read that - I didn't. Sam was the right choice because he was used to tons of special effects, so you have to be able to kind of manage that too, you've got this huge canvas all of the sudden and that's the thing about Sam, he was always too expensive for us, his ideas were always too expensive, Rob and I felt bad as producers, we're always trying to play catch up, trying to help him. Finally he got to these A levels, where he can do the most ridiculous stuff ever.

That's where he's always meant for, Sam wasn't actually meant for doing low budget movies, he did it because he had to, but he didn't actually stay in that game that very long. Darkman - that's a studio movie, 1989, that's not that long after Evil Dead II. Warren Beatty looked at Evil Dead II to see whether Sam should direct Dick Tracy.

Oh, did he really?

Yeah. So I know that Warren Beatty at his house had to watch Evil Dead II, with Molly Ringwald!

And on that note, we finally concluded the interview! Mr. Bruce Campbell, thank you very much.

Hail To The Chin is available now – come get some.

Oh and Luke, if you read this years from now, I want you to know what a dedicated father I am, as I left the chance to finish my beer alone with Bruce Campbell to race back to be with you when you were three, so count on me using this as leverage throughout your teenage years.

[9r7g5h]

headcanon game: aprodite

Headcanon A: what I think realistically

Aphrodite actually spends a lot of her free time at different academies and public forums to learn. Even though she plays up the dumb blonde act, she shows herself to be incredibly intelligent and that the act is exactly that, an act. People expect her to be this vapid little cloud of love, so that’s what she plays herself as. But she actually spends a ton of time reading, learning, to the point where she’s probably on par with Athena in terms of intelligence. There’s just more power in keeping it under wraps. Plus, she’s probably not the best at expressing her more intelligent side, so she just does whatever seems most fun at the moment. 

Also, I feel like Aphrodite’s one of the few gods that can cross into another’s territory. She probably makes friends all over the place, will just pop off to some far off land to hang with the gods there, and it’s always a fun time for everyone involved. 

Headcanon B: what I think is fucking hilarious

Aphrodite plays it chill and cool, but secretly? Secretly, every other god on Olympus is fucking terrified of her. 

Because I prefer the version of the myth where Aphrodite is a Titan- born from the ocean when Uranus’ cut off penis was thrown into its depths, she ruled along side all of the other Titans. However, she turned away from them and joined the gods when the gods rose up against the Titans, when they were case into the depths of Tartarus. She older than almost any of the other gods, and far more powerful too. 

Because she controls love, passion, love, devotion- she controls it all. And if she decided that “Hey, Zeus, you know what? You no longer love mortals, you’re now head over heels in love with pigeons”? There’s literally nothing Zeus could do. He would just be in love with pigeons, and would go about siring a bunch of demi-birbs. 

Sure, Ares is her balance, but she’s so much stronger than he is. Love is shown, time and again, to win out over hatred. If Aphrodite decided to turn Ares into some love-sick fool who’s fallen in love with a rock, then Ares is having sex with a rock. No if, ands, or buts about it (well, maybe one butt), it’s happening. 

So every god thanks themselves on a daily basis that Aphrodite has no desire to rule over Olympus. Because if she did, Zeus would just up and give the throne to her, just please don’t make him sleep with a bird. 

Headcanon C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends

Aphrodite never had a friend before. She’s had her family, and she’s probably friendly with gods from other cultures, but she’s never had that person she really connects with. The person she just wants to hang out with, even if it’s in complete silence, because she just enjoys being in their presence. The person she would send random memes to at two in the morning if they were living in present times, just because she knows they’ll get a kick out of them. The person she loves so much that isn’t family or a lover, but could easily be counted as a sister. 

Until Gabrielle. Aphrodite and Gabrielle, despite their rocky start, are amazing friends- and Aphrodite’s first. 

Which is why, after Gabrielle dies, Aphrodite goes to her in every single life, disguised as a mortal, and offers her friendship. Because she wants her friend back. But rarely does it work, because while the soul might be the same, the circumstances are different. Sometimes the reincarnation turns Aphrodite away, sometimes they try to seduce her, sometimes they become friends, yes, but not the way Aphrodite wants. It’s just not the same. 

So the first time the reincarnation remembers who she is, remembers her past as Gabrielle? Aphrodite appears, holding her breathe, and waits to see what the reincarnation says. 

And bursts into tears when she just smiles this great, amazing smile and asks Aphrodite what took her so long to get there. 

Because Aphrodite’s found her friend again, and even though it’ll probably be another dozen lifetimes before a reincarnation remembers their previous life as Gabrielle, those that do are the ones Aphrodite lives for.  

Headcanon D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway

Aphrodite’s been shipping Xena and Gabrielle since the Fates first told her about them, four hundred years ago. They’re literally soulmates- the perfect incarnation of every single type of love to ever exist, all rolled into one. Soulmates like that don’t exist often, maybe only once every hundred generations or so, rarer even. So Aphrodite’s been following their story like a soap opera. 

And when Xena died in Japa, and it seems like Gabrielle’s going to have to travel alone? 

Fuck that shit, no one cancels her favorite love fest without her say so. 

So she just poofs into Heaven (because if the reporter guy could do it, so can she) and she just boxes Michael about the ears until he agrees to go talk to The Light about possibly giving Xena’s soul to Aphrodite. He goes and talks to The Light (”Sire, please, the pink one scares me.”), and The Light agrees to give Xena’s soul to her. It can’t give Xena her body back, that’s something Aphrodite will have to figure out, but it can release her soul. 

Well, most of it. She does have to be reborn into the Mother of Peace, but The Light basically splits off a chunk of Xena’s Light Side (making it harder to fight against her darkness, but what else is new?) and figures that will do for the next life, at least until Xena fully dies and goes to join her. Also, there’s a lot of good Xena can do still in the mortal realm, so the Light allows it. 

Remember how Aphrodite has all those other godly friends, outside of Olympus? Well, she just pops Xena’s soul into a locket or something, and then she goes around chatting up some of the other gods, trying to get some help on making Xena a new body. Eventually she’s able to get a god of death to spill the deets, and using Xena’s ashes and some other nargly ingredients, creates a body for her! It takes a while, perhaps a few years (like, three, maybe four, no longer than five), but eventually Aphrodite opens the locket and pours Xena’s soul into her new body, which fits quite nicely! Aphrodite is quite the artist, and while it might not be 100% accurate (the scar is on the wrong boob, Xena’s sure her hair wasn’t that thick when she died, why do I have a birthmark shaped like a heart on my ass?), it’s clearly Xena. 

Aphrodite then poofs Xena into an area nearby where Gabrielle is helping out some villagers against a marauding army, gives her a horse and her armor (which Aphrodite totally went and got after FIN. If she wasn’t gong to eventually give it back to Xena, it was totally going to be a collectible one day, duh!) and quickly poofs back into her room on Olympus to watch the drama unfold. 

(Gabrielle accuses her of being an illusion or some kind of trick by a demon/evil god, they fight, Xena catches the chakram, Gabrielle realizes it is Xena, they finish taking down the warlord, passionate kisses on the battlefield, they accept the thanks of the villagers, Xena tells Gabrielle everything that happened in the privacy of their own room at the inn, passionate reunion sex (“Xena, when did you get a birthmark shaped like a heart on your ass?”), crying as they realize they are truly together again, laughter at them both being sappy, and the beginning of another 50 year plot arc that Aphrodite can’t wait to watch every second of). 

[faveficarchive]

The Amazon Way

By Barderella

Pairing: Ephiny/Solari, Eponin/Terreis, Gabrielle/Ephiny, Xena/Gabrielle

Rating: Mature

Synopsis: Some Amazon drama, lots of fluff, a bit of tragedy, this story is great for anyone who just wants to zone out to a little romance.

Ephiny peeked one eye open to the harsh morning sunlight. Groaning, she closed it tightly. 'Never again! I swear it!' she thought to herself as she remembered her drunken escapades of the previous evening. She rolled over to the edge of the bed, fully intending on standing, but her body just wasn't cooperating with her brain right then and she fell back onto the bed with a sigh. Her right arm fell across her eyes as she tried to take deep breaths to clear her fuzzy head. 'Ok, one more try...' With a grunt she hauled herself up into a sitting position and was rewarded by the room spinning out of control. Gripping the bed until her knuckles turned white, she waited for the feeling to pass...which it did, and she shook her head to clear it more. "OW OW OW OW OW!!!!! Eph, you know better than to do that!" She said aloud as the throbbing became almost unbearable. She raised her arms over her head and stretched, feeling numerous muscles begin to argue relentlessly with her to not do that. "Twenty summers, and it feels like eighty sometimes, geeesh!" she thought amusedly. Finally, she managed to stand without her knees feeling wobbly and worked her way over to the washbasin in her small hut. She poured some fresh water in and briskly splashed it on her face, feeling the cool liquid begin to break through the cloudiness in her head. Finishing with that, she ran her fingers through the tangled mass of shoulder length, blonde curls, found some clean leathers, and slipping them on headed out the door to Old Cervexa's hut to procure some herbs for her rebelling stomach.

***

Solari and Eponin sat on the bench outside the healer's hut awaiting their turn for herbs when they noticed Ephiny's hunched over form making its' way across the courtyard.

"Soli...hey...look over there..." said Eponin pointing Ephiny's way.

Solari turned her eyes to see a very hung-over looking blonde amazon trudging up to them. She averted her gaze as Eph practically fell into the spot next to her on the bench, leaned back against the wall of the hut and covered her eyes with her arm.

"Uhhhhh hey there Eph...one too many ciders last night eh?" commented Eponin with a following snicker.

"Oh! And no thanks to you!" snapped Ephiny. "Or your zombie-lookin' little friend over here either!" she jerked her free thumb in Solari's direction. "And to think I call you two my friends. Why did you let me drink so much?? You know how I get!!!"

"But Eph, I didn't realize how much you had til it was too late anyhow." shrugged Eponin. "Besides...you're sooo much fun when you've had a few. You really do some crazy stuff...it's great!!"

"Yeeeeaaaahhhh..." interrupted Solari. "I especially liked your rendition of 'The Dance of the Three Veils'...it was very...ummm....uhhhh...shall we say, inspirational?" She and Eponin burst into helpless fits of giggles.

Ephiny was about to retort when the door of the hut flew open and poor Pony was grabbed by the ear by Cervexa the Healer herself...

"What's with all this racket out here you whippersnappers? Can't ya see there's sick people in here?" She wrenched the ear she was holding so that the face turned her way. "Yep...just as I thought! Been partakin' of the spirits again have ya? Well I've a good mind to just leave y'all out here to suffer!!" She gave them all a warning look as she dragged poor Ep by the earlobe into the hut, "No more noise ya hear??

Quiet

!" She disappeared into the hut, slamming the door loudly behind her.

Solari and Ephiny turned wide eyes from the door to each other. They both began shaking with silent giggles which went on for about a quarter candlemark. Eph cleared her throat and casually glanced over at Solari, who was now watching the action over at the practice field. She was really beginning to notice things about her friend lately. Things like her eyes, her smile, her body....'

Whoa

wait a minute here Eph...her body???' She quickly looked away, but found herself looking back a moment later. She took her time, carefully studying the young woman sitting next to her. 'Yeah, and I'm liking what I see...' she thought as a wry grin unknowingly edged up the corner of her mouth.

She cleared her throat again. Leaning over towards her friend, she spoke softly so as not to bring Cervexa flying out the door to thrash them. "So Soli....you liked my dance huh?" Her breath tickled Sol's ear and she whipped her head around, only to come face to face with Ephiny.

Before she knew it, she was frozen in her spot and staring into very mesmerizing hazel eyes. "U-u-u-mmm..." she stammered. "W-w-ell, y-yeah I did what's wrong with that?" Solari couldn't remember when her stomach had felt this funny. She watched as Ephiny smiled at her and moved a little closer on the bench.

"So do you think I dance good?" whispered Eph, her eyes taking in all the reactions she was causing in her friend.

Solari's heart felt like it was going to pound right out of her chest. "Yes." was all she could manage to say.

"I'm glad you like it." She inched even closer.

"I do..." admitted Soli. Eph's lips were a scant distance from her own. "Very much."

"How much?" replied Ephiny.

"This much..." said Solari as she brought her lips against Ephiny's. She felt arms pulling her closer, and she moaned softly as she did the same. Oooooh, she had wanted to do this for so long, and now it was happening. She traced the contour of Eph's lips with her tongue. So nice. She deepened the kiss and felt one hand reach up to tangle itself in her hair and another slide down her back. She slowly pulled away and just stared at her friend.

Ephiny's eyes were still closed, so she reached out and touched the side of her face. "Hey..."

The blonde slowly opened her eyes, and found intense blue ones staring back at her. "Hey yourself." She smiled. "Wow...I had no idea you knew how to kiss like that."

"Did you like it?"

"Oh yeah...very much." She grinned slyly as she turned Solari's own words back on her. "So much I can't wait till you kiss me again." Their lips met in a second kiss, and Ephiny's world exploded into an array of swirling emotions. 

"ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT! BREAK IT UP!!!" Cervexa stormed out of her hut, shoving a very suprised looking Eponin out in front of her and grabbing Solari by the ear, dragging the young woman off the bench to stand next to her. "I swear! You young ones! Always makin googily eyes at each other. WELL DIDN'T YOUR MOTHERS EVER TEACH YOU IT AIN'T RIGHT TO BE DOIN THAT IN PUBLIC?" She stumbled towards the hut door, with Solari in tow, mumbling something to herself about what they must be adding to the food lately.

Ephiny managed a weak smile at Solari before she disappeared into the hut with Cervexa. Noticing Eponin's eyes on her, she turned to face her. "What?"

"Oh nothing...nothing." replied Ep. "Except..."

"Except what?"

"Well uuuhhh, what are you going to tell Terreis?" Said the weaponmaster-to-be.

Ephiny's eyebrows scrunched at the thought. "Damn. I forgot about that." She caught a stern stare from her friend. "Don't give me that look Pony! I'll handle the Princess just fine."

"I'm not sayin ya couldn't Eph....I'm just sayin she ain't gonna like it much that you picked Solari over her. You know she's had her eye on you for a while now..."

"I know, I know. But I like Soli. She's just going to have to understand is all." replied Ephiny.

Eponin laughed out loud. "Understand? Understand??? She's gonna understand alright....so much I bet she goes straight to the Queen and gets you demoted!"

"Melosa wouldn't do that would she? Oh my....no no. DAMN! Pony...shit what am I gonna do?" Ephiny stared hopelessly off into the distance.

"Eph, Eph...don't worry. Yer ol buddy Eponin is here, and I got a plan."

***

Ephiny sat across the table from her friend and just rolled her eyes. "You can't be serious! That will never work Pony, you aren't giving Ter's intellect any credit at all here."

Now it was Ep's turn to roll her eyes. "I swear Eph, you are so negative! Where do you get it from, yer momma? This will work I promise!"

"Sure...sure. And just how am I supposed to make her think I'm not good enough for her? Hmmmm??" questioned Ephiny with an annoyed look.

"Well, there's a number of ways...you could be the village bully..." One look at her not so brawnily-built friend told Eponin that route was out of the question. "Or you could pretend to hate old people, I know she's fond of em..." Ephiny shook her head. "Hmmm ok, how about you become the biggest tease in town? You could really sleaze around....Yeah! She would hate that!" Ep leaned back in her chair, tipping it on two legs, put her feet on the table and crossed her arms, all the while sporting a smug look at her own brilliance.

"You want me to be a tramp?" Ephiny's shoulders shook violently as she laughed. "Oh yeah, that's a good one Pony!" More laughing. "Everyone knows me! You think they would believe that?" Her shoulders began shaking once again.

Eponin's smug look turned into one of defeat, and a pout began as her bottom lip edged out just a smidge. "Aw Eph....why won't ya even just try it? I mean, what do ya have to lose here? Come on! She likes you because you're considerate and caring. All ya gotta do is carry on like a woman possessed, and before ya know it...POOF! She'll lose interest! Then you and Solari can have yer fling in peace." She held her breath as she watched her friend ponder this latest argument.

"Well..." Drawled Ephiny.

"Excellent! Excellent! I knew you'd see it my way!" She raised her arms in the air and began clapping wildly at Ephiny's obvious agreement to her idea. Forgetting the chair was balanced precariously on two legs, she fell over backwards, crashing to the floor and emitting a loud grunt.

This was more than Eph could handle right then, and she doubled over holding onto her stomach for dear life. "P-Pony...you ok?" She stood and peeked over the opposite edge of the table and found her friend in a heap on the floor, trying to disentangle her legs from the chair.

"Not one word Ephiny. Not

one

word! Or I'll pummel ya, got me?"

All that did was cause Eph to laugh even harder. (if that was possible) She fell back into her own chair, praying to Artemis that she wouldn't bust a gut.

A rap came from the doorway as Solari entered the hut. She stopped in mid step as she witnessed Ephiny laughing hysterically, arms wrapped around herself in a death grip, and Eponin trying to stand with a chair attached to her backside. "What the?" She watched as Ep once again tried to pull her derriere from the chair unsuccessfully. "Forget it, I don't want to know." She giggled as she pulled another chair up next to Ephiny. Turning to the blonde, she held a small bag out to her. "Here, I brought you some of those herbs for your head Eph, considering you were gone when Cervexa got done prodding me." A tinge of hurt began to show upon the brunette's features.

Ephiny reached out to take the herbs from her. "Soli, oh I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to just leave you there like that...really." Her eyes softened as she caught the look in Solari's eyes, and she reached over to place her hand atop a smaller one. Solari looked up at the touch and smiled.

Eponin had finally managed to disengage herself from what would now on be known as 'The Trained Attack Chair', and was repositioning it so she could sit down again. "No no no, Solari, it was my fault, I dragged her back here." She put her elbows on the table and propped her chin up on her fists. "See, I know you guys got a thing for each other Sol, but that don't mean you can just ignore everything else ya know."

"Such as?" replied Solari, raising an eyebrow.

"Such as Terreis." she said emphatically.

"Oh, yeah well I guess that kinda slipped my mind." replied Solari, finding a very interesting design on the table to look at.

Eponin blew out an exasperated breath. "Soli, don't you know what this means?" She turned narrowed eyes upon her two friends. "A scorned Amazon Princess, whose sister happens to be Queen, and said Queen adores her baby sis so much that she gives the Princess almost anything she wants. This could really mess up Eph's chances at getting into the guard." She sat back. "Not to mention yours as well." She crossed her arms again. "It's pretty much a known fact that Terreis has her mind set on joining with Eph ya know..." She watched Eph swallow so hard she almost had to go check to make sure her tongue was still in there..

Now Solari....well...she was speechless. Eponin was right and she knew it. This could cause major problems for them both, and they didn't even realize it til now. "Aww centaur farts Pony! How are we gonna fix this? It's not like this was a planned thing you know..." She stole a look at Ephiny and sighed.

Eponin grinned broadly. "I was hopin you'd ask that Soli." And with that she began to relate her plan to her friend....

***

"It ain't such a bad idea Eph..." commented Solari as she pulled an apple out of her pack and began munching away contentedly. "Besides, it's not like you have any other options right now."

Ephiny kicked a stone, sending it shooting down the forest path ahead of them. "I know, I know, but come on Soli! There is no way in Tartarus that anyone in the village is going to believe I have all of a sudden turned into a hormone-raging, woman-chasing tramp!" She reached the stone she had kicked earlier and sent it flying down the path again. "Besides, either way I lose. If I do nothing, I end up having to join with Terreis, and if I go with Pony's crazy idea, and it works....well, then the whole village thinks I'm a floozy. This is a no-win situation."

Solari stopped munching on her apple. "Gee thanks Eph..." she said, a look of hurt beginning to paint her classic features. "Nice to know where I stand in all this." She quickened her pace, striding ahead of her friend to hide the tears that were by this time barely restrained.

Ephiny sighed. 'How come everything I say lately comes out sounding like a merchant's spiel at the market?' she thought as she hurried to catch up with her friend. "Soli, wait - wait up..." She placed her hand on her friends' shoulder, stopping her progress and gently turned her around so she could look into her eyes. "I didn't mean it the way it sounded...really." She brought her hand up to trace the contours of the brunette's cheek. "Look at me." Solari slowly brought her eyes up to meet the blonde's. "You mean a lot to me." A pause and a soft sigh. "And despite the fact that I absolutely hate the way I have to go about remedying the situation, I'll do it. In fact I'll do whatever it takes if it means I'll be able to be with you in the end." She cocked her head to one side, looking into the blue eyes that were now setting her soul aflame every time she did. "I'm sorry darling, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. That's the last thing I would ever want to do." She reached her other arm out and drew her friend into a sincere embrace.

Solari rested her head against a strong shoulder, bringing arms up to wrap around her friend's waist. "Do you really mean that Eph?" she asked softly.

Ephiny pulled her head back just enough to study the emotions on the young woman's face, and their eyes met again. "Yes." she replied. "I don't ever want to hurt you. You're everything to me."

A weak smile showed itself on the brunette's face as she sighed and once again rested her cheek on Ephiny's shoulder. "Thank you." she replied. "That means a lot." She paused, then added, "I feel the same about you."

Ephiny felt the arms around her waist tighten in emphasis to her companion's words and smiled, breathing in the now familiar soft scent of lilacs that seemed to be everywhere Solari was. She tightened her own arms around the young woman as she spoke. "Do you?"

Fingers slowly traced a circular pattern along the small of Ephiny's back. "Yes....for a long time now."

"How long?" inquired the blonde, running her fingers through dark tresses.

Solari chuckled softly as she pulled her head back to meet amused hazel eyes. "That is a loaded question Ephiny." She smiled at her friend. "Does it really matter?"

"No, but I'm curious to know." she replied, an eyebrow raising as she took in the hearty blush that was now coloring Solari's cheeks.

"Umm...." She rolled her eyes and looked away. "I think I realized it around the last harvest." Her eyebrows furrowed as she thought harder. "It might have been longer for all I know."

Ephiny's jaw hit the forest floor in amazement. "Soli, you've liked me for almost a year and you never said anything? How come?"

Solari rolled her eyes more dramatically this time. "You're kidding right?" A shake of blonde curls was her answer, and she took a breath before continuing. "Terreis made it pretty obvious to everyone that she intended on courting you, and I was afraid to say a word. I most certainly didn't want to bring the anger of the princess down upon myself."

"So why are things different now Soli? Why did you pick this time to kiss me?"

"Aw Hades, Eph!" The blush began creeping back into her face. "I only have so much willpower ya know!" She giggled. "And you weren't makin it very easy one me puttin your lips that close to mine..."

"Ooooh, I see....so it's all my fault?" said the blonde with a chuckle.

"Yes...all your fault."

"Hmmmm...so if I were to do this..." She brought her lips a hairsbreadth away from her friend's. "Then it would be my fault again?" A sly grin appeared at the corner of Ephiny's mouth.

Solari felt a strange warmth beginning inside as her eyes fixed on the invitation before her. She brushed her lips softly across Ephiny's. "Mmmmm yes...all your fault." She looked up into those gorgeous hazel eyes and was reduced to a pile of jello in a matter of seconds. "Gods Eph, do you have any idea what you are doing to me right now?"

"Probably the same thing you're doing to me." Whispered the blonde, her hands reaching up to tangle in the darker locks. "You're making it very hard to be a respectful amazon Solari." She smiled.

The brunette's blush went from pink to three shades of purple in a matter of seconds. She cleared her throat before she spoke. "Am I? I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry darling. In my opinion, you're worth the wait." She punctuated her words with a kiss that made Solari lose all sense of time.

"Good gods, Ephiny." Said the brunette as they pulled apart. Air seemed to be a precious commodity at that moment, and Solari tried to get some in as she mustered her courage to speak again. "Maybe I wouldn't mind you being a little disrespectful if you kiss me like that all the time."

"Hmmm, is that so?" replied the blonde, the insinuation hitting her right in her core. She gasped at the intensity of the feeling, wondering if this was what everyone alluded to when they referred to unbridled passion. 'Oh yeah, this has to be what they mean.' She pulled her friend even closer and looked deeply into those amazing blue eyes. "I'll kiss you like that anytime you want me to Soli; just say the word."

"Please..." she replied, desire now clearly evident in her features and body language. "I want you so badly Ephiny..." Her hands moved of their own accord and settled over her friend's rear. She squeezed softly, pulling closer and pressing her body tightly against the blonde's own. "Please..." she said again.

Ephiny groaned and brought her lips against Solari's in a passionate kiss. Tongues intertwined and hands roamed freely, exploring every inch of each other. They fell to the ground, Ephiny's lips seeking the soft skin of her soon to be lover's neck, and hands finding their way beneath the suddenly encumbering top Solari was wearing. Her breath was coming faster and her head was spinning trying to keep up with the emotions that were flooding her senses. She tugged at her lover's article of clothing. "This," she managed between gasps for air, "has to go." 

Solari nodded her head and raised herself up a bit to allow Ephiny to remove the annoying garment. Her breath caught as she stared unabashedly at her friends body. "Solari....sweet Artemis...." she gasped as in turn, her top was being raised and removed...slowly...so agonizingly slowly she thought she would die of anticipation. Then hands were beneath her skirt and making their way up her thigh in an altogether extremely teasing fashion. She closed her eyes to the sensation, intent on feeling everything this moment had to offer.

"Make love to me Ephiny; make me yours." breathed Solari into her lover's ear. "I want it to be you. I've always wanted it to be you Eph, and no one else."

Ephiny's heart seemed to be caught in her throat, making it hard to do anything, especially talk...but this sudden admission by her friend required an admission of her own... "Gods Soli...you mean you've never...."

"No, never. I was waiting for you."

Ephiny swallowed hard. "Me either." Another swallow. "I'm not sure I know what to do."

Solari pulled the blonde to her and their bodies slid against each other, sending tendrils of pure, sensual pleasure through them both. "Trust me, you are doing just fine." Ephiny's lips once again attached themselves to her neck, and she sucked in her breath in response. "Oh yeah, just f - fine..." Her lips moved lower across her collarbone and into the hollow of her throat. "Oh gods." She breathed as those lips suddenly were teasing her nipple, and hands roamed lower.

By this time, Ephiny was completely into what was happening. She forgot about her nervousness, and her inexperience, and concentrated instead on the soft, guttural sounds coming from her partner. She dipped her head lower, wanting to run her lips over every part of Solari's body. Gods this woman was beautiful beyond anything she had ever laid eyes on. She ran her fingers up her friend's sides and down again, feeling the gooseflesh pop up, and thrilled to the feeling of hips moving against her chest. 'Well, it's now or never.' She thought, and scooted lower, her fingers tracing paths along the inside of Solari's thighs. She felt trembling hands wrap themselves in her hair in encouragement.

"Eph, please...oh gods, please..."

That was enough to cast her final fears of incompetence to the wayside, and she softly ran her fingers along her lover's most private of places. She brought her head down to take the place of her hand and was almost slammed into unconsciousness by the feel beneath her tongue. Solari's hips jerked in response, making her think for a moment she had done something wrong, but to her surprise, hips began rocking against her relentlessly, sending her to dizzying heights she had never thought possible. She watched the expressions on her lover's face, thrilled that she was the one responsible for it all. She gently pushed her fingers just inside and hesitated, not sure if she had the right to take this from her friend.

"Do it."

Their eyes met and held and Eph pushed in all the way, feeling the muscles clench around her. Solari cried out and a tear made it's way slowly down her cheek. "Soli...you ok?"

"Y-y-yes....don't stop now..." Came the plea, and who was Ephiny to deny it? She gently began her administrations again, and now it seemed more intense...more sensual the way Solari's legs wrapped around her. Then she felt inner muscles tightening, and heard the short gasps of breath from her lover.

"Oh my gods..." Uttered Solari as her world exploded into a thousand different sensations. Her back arched and she held onto Ephiny for dear life, wondering if she was going to live through this or not.

When the shaking finally subsided, Ephiny crawled up her new lover, bestowing sweet kisses on every inch of flesh along the way. Solari reached for her and drew her into her arms.

"Was that..."

"Yeah, I think so."

"Wow. I did that for you..." A huge smile broke across Ephiny's features.

"Yeah...I'll say. Boy did you ever..." They giggled as an involuntary shudder shook her again.

"Was it ok?"

Solari took the head of blonde curls in her hands and kissed the lips she found there with every ounce of passion she had in her. She then flipped her lover over, and pinned her arms over her head. "Oh yeah....more than ok."

Ephiny gulped audibly as Solari lowered herself down upon her.

"Don't think you're going anywhere anytime soon there Eph....we're not finished yet." She was about to help the blonde divest herself of that annoying leather skirt when they heard a twig snap a short distance away...

Ephiny shot up to a half-sitting position, accidentally throwing her partner off her and onto the ground. She grimaced when she heard the thud, and mumbled a quick apology as she fumbled for her clothes. Finding them, she threw her top over her head and took off towards where the sound had come from. She reached a line of high bushes, and peering behind she found a set of footprints.

Solari had found her own clothes and ran up to her friend. "Was someone here?"

"Yeah." replied Ephiny with a scowl on her face. She reached over to a leaf and pulled something off of it. She held the strands of long red hair up for Solari to see. "Terreis."

Ephiny's long strides were eating up the ground. She had long since left a huffing and puffing Solari behind, and was racing headlong towards the village. Rounding the last turn in the path, she saw the princess fling open the door to her hut and rush inside, slamming it closed behind her. "Aw rats!" She pumped her arms harder trying to draw out some last reserve of speed, until she came skidding to a halt in front of Terreis' hut. She just stood there for a moment trying to figure out what to stay when she heard a loud crash come from inside, followed by two more crashes and a clang. Swallowing, she tentatively knocked on the door frame.

"Terreis, it's me Ephiny. We need to talk."

"Go away Ephiny! I have nothing to say to you."

"Please Ter...let me explain - "

"Explain?" was the reply, followed by a very hurt sounding laugh. "There's nothing to explain...I think what I saw explained quite enough thank you."

She heard the choked back sobs, and with a wrenching gut she opened the door and slid inside, only to be greeted by a dagger whizzing past her ear and embedding itself in the door frame. Her eyes whipped to where the knife was still shaking from it's impact with the frame, then over to where the princess had secluded herself in the corner of the room. "Hey! Ter, now that was close!"

"The next one won't miss Ephiny. Leave me alone."

"I can't. We need to talk this out."

"Like I said, there is nothing to discuss."

Ephiny took a deep breath before continuing. "I never intended to hurt you ya know..."

"Yeah? Well guess what? You did. And what hurts the most is that you felt you couldn't even be up front with me about it." A sigh. "Instead you run around behind my back and go sleep with her." This time she couldn't stop the tears from falling, and she buried her face in her hands.

"Now just you wait a second here!" Replied Ephiny. "It's not like you and me were ever an item. You seem to be forgetting that."

Terreis's hands moved away from her tear-streaked face and her eyes shot up to confront the blonde's. "But you knew how I felt about you Ephiny!" More tears came. "You knew and you did it anyhow..."

Eph sighed. "Yes I knew....but honestly Ter, have I ever returned those feelings?" She crossed the floor to kneel down beside the Princess. "Have I ever once told you I felt the same?" Her question was answered by a reluctant nod of a head. "Then how can you justify what you are doing to me right now? Yes, I was wrong in not telling you first, because I knew how you felt for me, but then again I knew this is the reaction I would get!" She stood and began pacing the floor as she spoke. "It's not like I planned on hurting you, and it's not like I planned how I would feel for Solari! I can't control who I fall in love with." She stopped in mid-pace, realizing what she had just admitted.

Terreis's head fell forward as the words echoed in her head. "So you are in love with her then." She sniffled and wiped at her eyes.

"I...I....I guess I am..." Her eyes met the princess's. "I really didn't know myself Ter...honest."

"So there is no chance for me at all then?" Forlorn green eyes peered at her from under swollen lids.

Ephiny's conscience was having a helluva grand time messing with her now. But she knew she had to end it here. "I can't see into the future Ter, but as of right now the answer is no." She crossed the floor again, knelt down and took a small, trembling hand into her own. She raised it to her lips and brushed a gentle kiss across the knuckles. "I do care for you...just not in the way you want me to I'm afraid."

Terreis cleared her throat. "I'm sorry I acted so childish."

"It's ok....we all have our times." Ephiny stood and reached down to the redhead. Her forearm was grasped and she hauled the princess to her feet. "Friends?"

Terreis looked warily at Eph before finally answering. She nodded her head. "Yes...ok. Friends."

Ephiny's face broke into a wide smile. "Thank you."

"For what?" replied the princess.

"For not killing me with the dagger."

Terreis returned the smile. "Oh....well actually I was aiming for you, I just missed." She turned towards the door of the hut, and heard the gulp behind her. As she exited, she turned back and added with a wink. "Just kidding." And she was gone.

Ephiny made her way outside into the sunshine, feeling like there was nothing in the world that could ruin the euphoric feeling inside of her at that moment. She was now free to pursue her relationship with Solari, and not have to worry about the consequences. Ah, life couldn't be better. She made her way across the compound towards her own hut, where she was hoping to find her new love waiting for her.

The procession made its way slowly towards the village, flanked by two score Amazon warriors in full attire. As it reached the central square it slowed, being met by the Queen and her guard.

"Who is it Eph?" asked Solari as she bounced up and down to see over the heads in front of her, all the while muttering curses pertaining to her Sardinian heritage.

"I can't see!" Whined Eph as she tried to push her way to the front of the crowd. "Pony...c'mere!" Her friend trotted over in response. "Get on your knees." she ordered.

"Wh-what? Ephiny!" Eponin shot a very scared look Solari's way, then back to Ephiny. "What for?"

"Just do it - hurry!!" Losing her patience with her fer friend, she grabbed Ep and pushed her down. She climbed on her shoulders and cried out, "Take me up!"

"YOU are crazy Ephiny! Get off me!!!"

"Pony, come on! I just gotta see who that is!" She batted her eyelashes at her friend.

"Aw Hades, why ya gotta play so dirty? Ok." Eponin struggled to get to her feet with the added weight of her friend upon her back.

"Higher...higher! Eponin...please?" begged the blonde, and was rewarded when she finally got her eyes above the feather line in front of her. Melosa had dismounted and was walking forward towards the visitors. Ephiny's eyes squinted and she quickly brought her hand up to shield her eyes from the bright sunlight, nearly toppling them over backwards.

"Cut out the jigglin up there Eph!" yelled Eponin. "I ain't no trick Pony you know!" Giggles came from Solari's direction. "Oh put a horseshoe in it already Miss Fancy-Leathers!" she commented in the brunette's general direction while desperately trying to keep her cargo in the upright position. "If you hadn't kidnapped Eph, we mighta made it here earlier." Ephiny shifted again, and Pony barely caught her footing as she stumbled for her center of balance.

"Don't be jealous of me because you can't get a date Pony!" Solari snickered under her breath.

Eponin's face turned a brilliant shade of angry right then, "Why I oughta - "

"Stop! Stop you two!!" Hollered the blonde from her perch above the crowd. "Melosa is walking out to meet their leader..."

All movement and bickering stopped and Ephiny's eyes tracked to the lead horse. The rider swiftly dismounted and began to walk forward towards the queen.

"Well?" inquired a very impatient Solari.

Eph squinted some more. "He's wearing some kind of drape over his face, I can't see him. He's tall though, and looks quite imposing." She craned her neck as Melosa and the warrior stopped a foot away from each other. She watched closely as the rider began to remove his head covering. "He's taking it off..."

Eponin and Solari looked at each other excitedly as the anticipation of the moment grabbed them by their britches and yanked hard.

The warrior kneeled before Melosa, fully removed the item blocking the blonde's view, bowed a dark head, and softly placed a kiss upon the back of the queen's extended hand. "By the gods!" gasped the blonde.

"What? What? Eph come on...tell!" Whined Eponin from beneath her.

"It's a woman!" yelled Ephiny as the entire village sucked in a collective breath and simultaneously turned to stare at her. No sooner were the words out before she clapped both hands over her own mouth. The woman's eyes snapped to meet hers, and she felt the power...the strength...the pure magnetism that emanated from behind them. She was spellbound by them. One of the warrior's eyebrows rose and an amused smile tugged at the corner of her mouth.

That was enough for Ephiny.

Her eyes rolled up in her head, and she toppled over backwards, taking poor ol Ep with her.

"Eph! Blasted woman! Off me NOW!" cried Pony as she struggled to get out from under her friend's dead weight. She finally managed to disentangle herself and rolled Ephiny over. "Hades! Solari, go get some water!"

Her friend ran up. "Why? Is she ok?"

"Oh yeah, she's ok...she PASSED OUT is what she did." Ep replied as she began patting her friend's cheek. "Eph. Eph! Wake up ya big dummy!" She was rewarded by movement from the blonde and turned to holler to Solari she didn't need the water after all, when suddenly a pair of hands were around her neck and dragging her down. Before she could react, soft lips were on her own and kissing her very thoroughly. Ephiny whispered softly against her lips, "Solari..." and pressed her lips to Pony's again.

Eponin was in shock. She couldn't move...she couldn't breathe...she couldn't stop it. (Now mind you all, our beloved Pony is a bit on the shy side, and had never kissed a woman in her life.) She felt the lips slowly pull back and she sighed sadly. She glanced down, just in time to see Ephiny's eyes glance up to meet hers. Their eyes went wide with surprise as they realized what had just happened, and they let out a yelp as they scrambled apart as fast as they could.

"Pony! What are you doing?" said the blonde, still backing away.

"Me? No, no, no, Eph...you kissed me."

"I did not."

"Did too."

"Did not. Would not. Could not. Wasn't me."

"Yes...it was. But...don't worry. I know you thought I was Solari when you woke up." She sighed. "It's ok."

"Oh yeah now I remember." said Ephiny, shaking her head to clear the cobwebs. "Oh my gods."

"Eph, hey come on! Was it that bad?" said the young warrior, dropping her eyes and looking a little hurt.

"No Pony....the woman..."

"The woman?" Eponin's brows scrunched up. "Oh yeah, the woman! Who was it? What happened? And WHY did you pass out??" She offered her arm and helped her friend to her feet.

"I don't know who it was Pony," Replied the blonde. "but I'll tell you one thing..."

"What's that?"

"She has the most incredible blue eyes I have ever seen."

***

"Shoot Eph, I wanna know who that was now....if her just lookin at you made you faint dead away, she's really got to be something..." stated Eponin as they trudged across the compound towards the dining hall.

"Pony...all I can say is holy Zeus! It was like being smacked in the face with a hammer..." Ephiny's hands were gesturing wildly now. "I felt completely exposed to that gaze...so unsettling."

Their conversation was interrupted as Solari came trotting up carrying a waterskin. "Oh...I guess you're ok then sweetheart?" She tossed the skin to the wayside.

"Yes...I'm fine. Just threw me for a loop is all. I didn't mean to blurt that out, and then to have that gaze turned on me? I swear it was the most intense stare I have ever been on the receiving end of!" Catching the sudden shift in Solari's mood at that sentence, she smiled warmly at her lover and snaked an arm around her waist, pulling her closer. "Aw Soli, don't get your leathers in a bind, you know I only have eyes for you." And with that she placed a soft kiss on the brunette's cheek.

"Well good, because for a moment there I thought you might be getting the lusties for the Warrior Princess." Replied her partner with a relieved look.

"The Warrior Princess?" Blurted Eponin. "The Warrior Princess? Xena? Oh my Gods! What's she doing here?"

Ephiny turned to her now stammering friend. "You mean you've heard of her Pony?"

"Gods yes! Have you been locked in a closet Eph? She's only the most feared warlord around. In fact, I heard she killed two hundred men with her own hands during the battle of Corinth!"

Solari's eyes were now wide with amazement. "You're kidding! Wow...a woman warlord, how cool."

Ephiny's brow was furrowed in thought. "Hmmmm, yeah, I think I remember hearing something about that. Question is...what's she doing here?"

"Oh, she's here to see Melosa." stated Solari offhandedly.

"And just how do you know all this Solari?" asked Ephiny.

"I heard some of the guard talking about it."

Eponin trotted a few paces ahead of the group and turned to walk backwards. "Melosa? Well, that would explain why we have never been attacked."

Ephiny's eyebrows shot up drastically. "Pony, are you implying that Melosa and Xena are...well...you know...lovers?"

"It would make sense Eph..." interjected Solari. "And to be honest, if what Pony says is true about her battle prowess, I'm certainly all for it."

"Agreed." Ephiny's attention was caught by a wildly waving Terreis, who was seated on a shaded bench near the dining hall. "Uh oh, look over there." She jerked her head toward the redhead. "We are being summoned."

"Rats!" said Eponin. "Just when I thought this was going to be a good day."

"Now now, Pony, calm your feathers down. If anyone should be annoyed it's me." stated Ephiny as they neared where the princess was seated.

"I know, I know...she just makes me nervous is all..."

Solari smacked Eponin in the back of the head. "Well get over it!"

"Easy for you to say..." she mumbled as they came to a halt in front of Terreis.

"Princess..." Ephiny bowed her head in acknowledgment to the title.

"Ephiny, good to see you." Her gaze flitted from one to the other, coming to rest on Eponin. "Pony...just the person I wanted to see."

Eponin gulped audibly. "Me? What did I do?"

Terreis broke into light laughter. "Nothing Eponin." She paused momentarily, then stood and walked up to a completely confounded Pony. "I was just wondering if you might join me for dinner in the Queen's hut this evening?"

Ep took a moment to glance behind her to see if Terreis had been talking to someone else. Seeing no one, she turned back to the princess, a flush beginning to creep up into her cheeks. "Um, are you sure you want me to accompany you? I'm sure there are others you would like to take." She suddenly found her boots very interesting. "Why me?"

Terreis smiled warmly at the now furiously blushing amazon before her. "Come with me," She said, holding out her hand, "and I'll be more than happy to explain."

Ephiny and Solari looked at each other and grinned. "Go on Pony..." said the blonde as she turned her attention back to the other two women. "We'll save you some lunch."

Eponin took a deep breath. "Ok." She reached out and tentatively placed her hand in Terreis' still extended one. As they began to walk away, she shot a look over her shoulder to her two giggling friends. "Help!" she mouthed, and then they were gone.

"I don't believe it." stated Ephiny, letting out a held breath.

"Me either. What's up with that?"

"Haven't a clue. All i can say is..,Yahoo!" Ephiny swept her lover into her arms and began dancing across the courtyard.

"Eph...Eph! Come on! People are starting to stare...."

"I don't care Soli!" She dipped the brunette and kissed her lips. "She's outta my hair...." She began giggling as she hugged her girlfriend. "I am so happy I could kiss a centaur!"

"Eww...Eph honey, if you do that, I will never touch those lips with any part of me ever again!" Solari shivered at the thought. "Yuck!"

"I'm just kidding Soli...hey, let's get some lunch."

"Lead on darlin, lead on. I'm famished!"

***

Ephiny awoke to the sound of rapping on her door. She wrapped her arms tighter around her lover and ignored it. More insistent rapping. "Alright, alright! I'm coming!" She regretfully released the warm body she was wrapped around and rolled over to the edge of the bed.

"Who is it honey?" inquired a sleepy voice from under the blankets.

"Don't know, haven't got to the door yet." The knocking came again, louder. "I said I'm coming! Geeeesh! Can't a person get any sleep around here?" Wrapping one of the blankets around herself, she stumbled groggily to the door and opened it a crack.

The door burst open and an extremely disheveled Eponin came barreling in. Ephiny took one look at her friend's wild hairdo and burst out laughing. "Pony...was there a windstorm or something?"

With that comment Solari sat up and rubbed her eyes. "By the gods Eponin, what happened to you??"

"What happened? What happened? I'll tell you what happened!! She attacked me! That's what happened!" She threw herself into an empty chair and pouted. She pointed at Ephiny. "This is all YOUR fault!" She said, "You had to go and dump her didn't you?"

Ephiny closed the door and crossed the room, taking a seat next to her friend. "Whoa, whoa Pony, slow down here. You're blaming me because Terreis is after you?"

"YES!" She crossed her arms and snorted her displeasure at the situation.

Ephiny chuckled. "You should be thanking me Pony. You could do a lot worse you know."

"Oh yeah....so you say." she blew out an exasperated breath. "She was all over me! I practically had to beat her off with my chobos!!"

Solari slid up behind Ephiny, and bending down she encircled her arms around her lovers' neck. "Pony, can I ask you something?" she said.

"Oh I guess so Soli...what is it?"

"Do you think she's cute?"

"Well...well...yeah, maybe...she might be semi-good-looking, in a redheaded sorta way..."

"Hmmmm.....then what's the problem?"

"Aw shoot Soli! Why ya givin me the third degree? Ok, maybe I'm just nervous...is that what you were getting at?" Her bottom lip poked out even more as the conversation continued.

"Well....um, have you ever been with a woman Pony?"

Eponin's eyes went wide and she looked away. Ephiny and Solari both exchanged knowing smiles.

"Ok..." Said the brunette. "You don't have to answer that one. But if you haven't, and you're worried about anything, you know you can talk to us Pony. We're your best friends, and we'll always be here for you."

"Awwwww, all you guys do is poke fun at me."

"Only because we love you Pony." said Ephiny noticing something she didn't before. "And just because you have a big hickey on your neck doesn't mean we'll make fun of you." She began giggling, and Solari joined her as she looked and saw it too.

Eponin had had enough. "I come to you guys to help me out, and all you can do is joke around! Thanks a LOT!" She stood and dashed out the door, leaving her two friends sitting there feeling like complete jerks.

"Hmmmm..." said Solari. "I think we messed up."

"Yeeeeah...I'd better get dressed and go fix it."

"Good idea. I'll wait for you here."

"Gee Soli, thanks for the moral support." She pulled the brunette into her arms and gave her a long kiss that left Solari speechless. "But I still love you." She grinned as she released her lover to find some more suitable clothes than the bedcover she was presently wearing. She dressed hurriedly and with a quick peck, she rushed out the door after her distraught friend.

***

Ephiny strode purposefully across the courtyard, eyes darting back and forth in hopes of spotting her friend. 'If I'm gonna find me a Pony, I'm gonna have to think like a Pony....where would I go if I was Pony and I was really upset?' she thought as she walked on. She really felt bad for making fun of Eponin. 'Of all the stupid things to say! Sometimes I wonder how she puts up with me at all!' Her brow creased in thought as she continued out of the village and down a path leading into the forest. "Artemis!" she called out into thin air..."Help me find her please, and I promise I'll make more trips to your temple!" She laughed out loud at herself. Imagine her - Ephiny - asking a goddess for help. Absurd! She didn't need help. After all she was one of the best trackers in the village.

Two candlemarks later, she was still wandering aimlessly through the woods, having lost Pony's trail a candlemark before. "Guess she doesn't want to be found." she sighed hopelessly. Finding a nice log, she sat down to think. Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of children's laughing, coming from somewhere to her left. "Children playing this far from the village? That's odd..." She thought, and rose to investigate.

She came to the edge of a small clearing and saw three little girls playing tag. One of them was chasing the other two, and they were taunting and teasing her every time she missed them.

"Nah nah...you can't catch me!" yelled the little blonde headed girl. She stopped dead in her tracks and waited until the dark haired girl with the ponytail was almost upon her, then she ducked under the stretched out arm and dashed away to the other side of the clearing.

The girl with the ponytail stopped running and bent over trying to catch her breath.

"Pony...what's wrong? You out of breath already? Gods, you couldn't catch a blind cyclops!" said the third little girl. Ephiny's breath caught in her throat. 'No, can't be!' she thought.

"Awwwww Soli, come on, that's not fair! I'm ALWAYS the tagger! Why don't you or Eph be the tagger for once huh?"

Ephiny's eyes went buggy as she realized what she was watching. She pinched herself just to make sure. "Ouch! Ok ok, i believe it geeeesh!" She turned her eyes once again to the scene playing out before her....

"Pony, it's not our fault you can't play 'Rock, Parchment, Dagger' worth a dinar! You lost, so you are the tagger. Live with it!" replied her younger self, stamping her foot in annoyance. "Now come on, and let's keep playing!"

The young Eponin's eyes fell to the ground, and Ephiny knew her feelings were hurt. 'Boy was I rotten to her when we were younger or what?' she thought. She watched as lil Pony stood up and walked away from the clearing, leaving her friends behind.

"Pony come back! You can't quit!" said her young self. "If you don't come back and play now, we won't play with you ever again!" Ephiny shook her head at the heartlessness of her own words. Her eyes followed the retreating form of Eponin slipping into the forest. She made a quick decision. Silently she got up and started to trail the girl. She heard the mocking laughter coming from the clearing, and saw Pony turn her head at the sound. "Oh my gods...she's crying!" thought Ephiny as she saw the tears rolling down that cute little face, and silently cursed herself for being so cruel to her friend all those years ago. 'Damn!'

She followed Eponin for about a half candlemark, and slowed as the girl slowed down ahead of her. She stopped completely, ducking quickly behind a tree as Pony looked around to make sure no one saw her. Satisfied she wasn't followed, she slipped between two large boulders set at the bottom of a small hill and disappeared from sight.

Ephiny jerked awake, and found herself reclining not so comfortably against the log she was sitting on before. 'Wow, I must have dozed off' she thought. Then she remembered her dream. 'Gods...that was a weird one.' She stood up and brushed off her leathers, and as she was doing so, it hit her. "That's where she is!" She took off running into the forest.

***

It took her awhile but she found the entrance to the cave. 'I sure hope you're in there Eponin, otherwise I'm going to feel like a complete dork!' She brushed a stray curl behind her ear and slowly slid between the boulders. She came into a narrow passageway that looked like it went on for at least thirty paces, then turned sharply to the right. Silently she crept along the corridor til she came to the corner. Her ears picked up the muffled sniffles and her heart wrenched inside her chest. 'Damn! Why can't I do anything right? Just once!' she scolded herself. Peeking her head around the corner, she saw Eponin sitting against the far wall, head hung low, knees pulled up to her chest and her arms wrapped around them. Carefully, she stepped out where her friend could see her. "Hiya Pony."

Eponin's head snapped up and she jerked in surprise. "Ephiny! Wh-what are you doing here?"

Eph slowly closed the distance between them. "I came looking for you."

Pony snorted. "Why bother? Unless of course you're just here to make fun of me some more..." She hung her head again.

"No, that's not why I'm here." She stopped next to her friend and took a seat next to her on the floor. "I'm here because I was a real jerk to you, because I treated you bad, because I don't take you seriously enough most of the time, and because I owe you an apology." She sighed. "Although I'm pretty sure an apology isn't good enough to fix all the damage I've done since we were kids."

Eponin raised her head to regard her friend. "You really mean that Eph?"

"Hades yes I mean it." She met Eponin's even gaze. "Pony, I am so sorry for anything I've ever done that caused you pain. You are my best friend in the whole world, and Gods know I never intentionally meant to hurt you." A tear squeezed out from her eye as she spoke, and Eponin reached over to brush it away.

"It's ok Eph. I know you didn't mean it." She took a breath and composed herself. "But even though I know it, it still hurts sometimes. I forgive you." She smiled at the blonde.

Ephiny's face broke into a wide smile, and she pulled Pony into a big bear hug that had the woman gasping for air before she let her go. "I love you Pony."

"Love you too, Ephie."

"Don't let anyone hear you call me that ok?"

"Ok Ephie." A wry grin accompanied the comment.

"Damn you to Tartarus, Pony. Let's go get some dinner ok?"

"Ok. Hey....how did you find me anyhow?"

The blonde's forehead creased as she tried to think of how to answer that. "I sorta ran into three little girls playing in a clearing, and they had seen you pass by earlier." Ephiny hoped she was lying convincingly enough. There was no way she could explain how she did it, she just did.

"Wow, what were they doing all the way out here in the woods? It's too dangerous for them to be out this far!" Replied Eponin.

"Well I didn't ask them why they were there, they just pointed me in your direction and I was gone. I really needed to find you Pony, I was worried about you."

"Awwww Eph, thanks. You're the best friend any amazon could have." She smiled warmly at her friend as they began the trip back to the village.

A whispered "You're welcome...." was carried along the breeze, unheard by the two friends as they made their way home.

***

"So, did you want to talk about Terreis? I promise I'll listen this time." said Ephiny, glancing over at her friend as they walked along the forest path together.

Eponin laughed a little. "Well, I'm not really sure what I wanted to talk about....It's just all so strange to me."

"What's so strange about it? The fact that you like her?"

"No...no, just the opposite." Pony's eyes drifted to the ground. "I mean, why would she like me?"

"Oh come on Pony....you can't be serious!" replied Ephiny in a surprised tone of voice. One look at her friend's face told her she was indeed being truthful.

Eponin shrugged. "Eph....we all know I'm not you or Solari. Let's face it, I'm basically pretty average."

"Average?" A chuckle. "Pony, you are FAR from average!" She was rewarded with an incredulous look from her stoic buddy. "Do you know how many of us wish we had your talent with weapons?" Ep shook her head no. "Well it's true! And aside from that, I think you're quite lovely." An even more incredulous look followed that comment, "And I'm not the only one that thinks that either. It's quite obvious Terreis thinks so as well."

Eponin's eyes were quite wide at that moment and her mouth hung slightly open. "No way Eph..."

"Way."

"Really?" "Yes really. Pony, you have these awesome big brown eyes, and a great smile....not to mention a damn killer body!" Ephiny smiled warmly. "Granted, your shyness and all-around generally stoic attitude makes it a bit hard to approach you most of the time, but there are quite a few ladies around who wouldn't think twice about spending some time with you." She rested her hand on her friend's shoulder as they approached the last turn in the path before the village.

"Wow." replied Eponin. "I never knew that." Her eyebrows drew together in thought for a moment. "I guess I may have been spending a little too much time with the sword huh?"

A laugh escaped the blonde. "A little? Pony, if anyone needs to find you, we always know to look at the practice field. You're always there!"

"Alright, alright...point made Eph." She sighed. "So ummm, about Terreis..."

"Yes? What about her?"

"Ahhh geeez Eph, this is sorta hard to say..."

"Pony, I'm your friend...you can tell me anything."

"Ok...well, ummm, shoot. Eph?" Eponin looked shyly at her friend. "Soli was right. I've never been with anyone before. And to be quite honest here, I'm sorta scared I won't measure up."

Ephiny's heart opened to her friend at these words. "Well, all I can say is I don't think Terreis has either Pony." She reached out and wrapped her arm around her friend's shoulder as they approached the village. "I didn't have a clue either, aside from the scrolls I had read in the library..." Her voice lowered drastically. "And those don't even come close to what it's really like."

Eponin turned another wide-eyed look on her friend. "Really?"

"Yeah...it's so much more wonderful than anything that could ever be put into words." She smiled. "All I can say is if you don't feel comfortable, then don't do it. But if you really do like Terreis, and I suspect you do and just aren't admitting it, then I would say don't worry about it and just go with your heart."

"Hmmmm...maybe you're right Eph. I mean...I do like her. She's just so...so...aggressive!"

Ephiny couldn't help it as she burst into laughter. Eponin shot her a grimace. "Ok ok....well, if you want my advice..."

"I do...I do! Please...anything...."

"Alright, I had the same problem at the beginning with her, and what I did was sit her down and tell her how it was gonna be...you know...my feelings. And I explained she couldn't be like that with me. After that she calmed down a lot."

"Huh. I guess it couldn't hurt to give it a shot."

"No...couldn't hurt at all. And besides, if she continues Pony, you can always dump her." 

"Dump her? Gods Eph...and have to go through the worry you had to go through? That's like the career-kiss-of-death!”

Ephiny laughed again. "Naaaaah, it only seems that way." She grinned at her friend as they passed through the gates into the village. "It passes. Besides, I think you two make a great looking couple."

Eponin's face turned a lovely shade of red, the blush covering every inch of her exposed skin. "Awwww, well maybe I should give her a chance then huh? I mean....she likes me and all..."

"Exactly!" replied Ephiny. "Go for it."

"Ok I will!" She smiled. Thanks for listening Eph...you're the best." She gave the blonde a fierce hug. "Well, I'm gonna go look for my girl then..." A quick smile, and she was gone.

"Well...." thought Eph. "I sure hope you can handle her Pony." She giggled as she made her way across the compound to find her lover.

***

Eponin picked her way through the crowd to the Queen's hut. Since it was midday, she knew Terreis would be there, going over the proposed treaty with the warlord Xena. Reaching her destination, she rapped on the door frame.

"Enter." came Melosa's voice from inside.

Pony pushed open the door and walked in. "My Queen." said Eponin, bowing her head.

"What is it Eponin."

"I wish to speak with the Princess." Her eyes raised and found Terreis' own green ones looking at her. Eponin smiled.

"Certainly. We were almost done here anyways." The look didn't go unnoticed by Melosa. "You are excused Terreis."

"Thank you my Queen." She walked over to Pony. "You wanted to see me?"

"Yes. Would you care to join me for a walk by the lake?"

"Oh yeah, that would be wonderful! It's such a lovely day too."

"Alright then..." replied Pony, holding her arm out to the princess. "Shall we?"

Terreis slipped her arm through the brunette's and placed her free hand over the one attached to Pony's arm. "Lead on." She gave the arm a slight squeeze.

Eponin's face broke into a wide grin. "Your wish is my command." She lead the way out into the sunshine and across the courtyard.

They walked in relative silence until they reached the lake. Rounding a curve in the path, Terreis saw a blanket laid out along the shore, along with two wineskins and a basket. "Looks like someone had the same idea as us Pony.." she looked around but saw no one. 

Pony led Terreis over to the blanket. "Please, sit."

"You mean this is your stuff?" the princess's eyes widened a bit in disbelief.

"Yes, this is my stuff." she grinned. "What? Did you think I was completely naive or something?"

Terreis cleared her throat. "Ummm...no...no, I just didn't think - "

"That's the problem Ter...you think too much. Please sit.." said Eponin, gesturing for her to do so.

The princess sat down, stretched her legs out in front of her, and leaned back on her arms. She patted the blanket next to her. "Join me."

Eponin seated herself next to Terreis and reached for a wineskin. Grabbing it, she held it out toward her friend. "I brought this for you. I thought you would like it."

The redhead accepted the wineskin and uncapping it, took a long pull. Her eyes lit up as she recognized the flavor. "Strawberry wine? Pony, wherever did you get this?"

"Ahem...well, I had to escort on a recent trip into Athens. We were allowed some free time until the traders were done for the day, and I was just wandering around when I saw this merchant with a table full of wineskins." Glancing at her friend, she saw she had her undivided attention and continued..."My skin was lookin sorta raggedy, so I decided to get me a new one. I asked him 'How much?' He said 'Twenty dinars.' " Terreis's eyes went buggy at the price of the skin, and Eponin went on with her explanation. "I know, but then he told me what was in it..." Her eyes met inquisitive green ones. "I um, knew you liked it...so I got it for you." Now her eyes swept over the ground, a little embarrassed since she wasn't used to expressing herself.

Terreis was totally taken aback. She gazed at this flustered warrior and couldn't help the warm smile that appeared on her face. "You are so sweet..." She reached out and touched the brunette's arm. "That's the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me."

Eponin tried to hide the heat that now rose in her cheeks. "Aw...wasn't nothin."

"Yes it was something." Her hand reached up to push the hair out of Pony's eyes. "You're something..." She leaned over and softly placed her lips over Eponin's. Pulling back, she added. "Thank you for the wine."

Eponin swallowed. "You’re welcome." She couldn't take her eyes from Terreis's. "Beautiful..." her words barely a whisper, but the princess heard it.

Now it was Terreis's turn to blush. "You think so?"

"Absolutely." replied Eponin. "I still have some trouble believing this is real though."

"Believe it." was the reply.

Eponin looked at the redhead. Maybe this was what Ephiny had been talking about. Hmmmm. All she knew was that right then she wanted to be closer to Terreis, that she wasn't feeling insecure anymore. Something about this Amazon princess was pulling her deeper and deeper towards a place she was quite unfamiliar with, and she was running towards it with open arms. She reached out, grasped one of Terreis's hands, and raising it to her mouth brushed her lips softly across the knuckles. She heard the whisper intake of breath from the princess and looked deeply into her eyes. "I care for you very much. Please....may I kiss you?"

"Yes." was the only reply.

Eponin leaned forward, stopping just before their lips met, her eyes searching Terreis's for any sign that this was yet another dream. Satisfied this was indeed real, she brought her lips to meet the princess's own. A chill ran up her back as their kiss deepened, and her arms reached out to draw Terreis closer to her. When she felt arms slide around her as well, she thought she would surely die from the touch alone.

Terreis was shocked at the intensity of emotion flowing through her. Sure, she had liked Ephiny, but it had never done this to her. She moaned softly as Eponin's lips left hers and began to move down her neck to the hollow of her throat. One hand reached and tangled itself in dark hair as she lowered her head to trace her tongue around a sensitive earlobe. "I want to be with you Pony." she whispered.

Eponin stopped her ministrations and raised her head to meet those entrancing green eyes. "That's good...it would've been horrible if I was the only one thinking that..." She smiled. A thought and her face grew somber. "I just hope I don't disappoint you...." Her eyes broke away and found an interesting patch of flowers a short distance away.

Terreis reached out and turned Pony's eyes to meet her own. She looked deeply into them and spoke. "You could never disappoint me."

The kiss blew Eponin's last resolves to shreds. Now unafraid of her inadequacies, she let herself go....letting the feelings course through her and sweep her away to a place she was sure only lovers could go."There you are Pony!!"

Eponin stopped dead in her tracks when she heard the voice behind her. Turning slowly around, she saw Solari gesturing wildy for her to wait up. 'Oh no...here it comes...' was the only thought she had before Soli was upon her.

"I have been looking everywhere for you this morning! Where were you?" blurted Solari, a bit breathlessly.

Ep turned and began to walk towards the bath hut. "Um, I had some things to take care of Soli, that's all..."

"What things? Pony, you knew we were supposed to spar this morning." She held out her arm for Eponin to see, "See what sparring with Ephiny gets me?" She blew hair out of her eyes. "I can't concentrate around her!"

A small chuckle escaped the swordmaster. "Sorry..." She grinned. "I guess I lost track of time." A sly smile unknowingly spread across her face.

Solari did not miss that smile. "Pony...."

"Hmmmm?"

"What is it you're not telling me?"

"What do ya mean?"

"You're hiding something....you have that look on your face..." 

"Me? Nah, I got nothin to hide Soli."

There it was again. This time Solari recognized the grin. "Sure ya don't...sure ya don't. Then explain to me why your skirt is on backwards."

"What?" Eponin's hands and eyes went to the skirt and then realized she'd been had. She raised her eyes to meet laughing blue ones and glared defeatedly. "You don't play fair Solari."

"I play to win." She put her arm around the swordmaster's shoulder and they continued towards the bath hut. "So..." she grinned. "You gonna tell me all about your little tryst with Terreis, or are we going to have to play 'Dunk The Pony' until you do?"

Eponin chuckled. "Ok, ok I'll tell you!" She rolled her eyes as she opened the door to the hut for Solari. "Women! Geeesh..."

***

"So they spent the whole night and most of the morning together! Can you believe it?" related Solari as she tore a hunk of bread from the still warm loaf.

Ephiny leaned back against the wall and stretched her legs out under the table. "Sure I can."

The brunette stopped chewing, and a look of surprise crossed her face. "Huh? What do ya mean 'sure I can'?"

"Just what I said." Eph crossed her arms across her stomach. "I mean, come on Soli....haven't you ever noticed how Pony always got flustered around Terreis?"

"Yeah...so? And that's supposed to mean exactly what?" retorted Solari through a mouthful of food. "She gets flustered at the drop of a hat. The only time she doesn't is when she's got a sword in her hand or something."

"Exactly. And do you remember the time you were sparring with her, and Terreis showed up one morning?" Solari shook her head affirmatively. "Wasn't it you that made the comment afterwards that something really must have gotten into her leathers all of a sudden?"

"Oh yeah, I see what you're getting at." She pulled off another piece of bread and added a good sized slice of cheese to it for taste. "You're trying to say that she liked Terreis way back then aren't you?"

"Yes. It seems pretty obvious now. After the fact I mean."

A complete look of shock spread itself across Solari's face. "Good gods Eph! You mean she's been in love with the princess all this time? Wow." The look changed from shock to utter amusement and a wide grin lit her features as another thought made itself present in her mind. "Now I understand why we didn't see her til this afternoon...."

"Oh?" She giggled. "And that's funny why?"

"Well, Pony must have been making up for all that lost time!" She couldn't hold it back any longer, and burst out into full blown laughter. Ephiny joined her and soon they were both holding their stomachs from the pain. "Talk about pent up sexual frustrations! She's been saving forever!"

More laughter, so loud they were beginning to draw the attention of almost everyone in the food hut. Suddenly, Ephiny had a revelation...."Oh my gods!"

"What?" replied Solari between giggles and gasping for air.

"Do you realize no one has seen Terreis yet today?"

Solari's laughter stopped completely, and her eyes met the blonde's. A very serious look came over her...so serious it even stopped Ephiny's giggle fit. A moment passed before Soli said anything....

"Do you think she's dead?"

That was it for the both of them. Ephiny fell off the bench laughing while tears flowed freely from Solari's eyes as she struggled to maintain a semblance of control. She finally gave in and doubled over, nearly joining her lover on the floor.

"Either that...." blurted the blonde between gasping for air and laughing, "Or we have seriously underestimated Eponin's prowess in the bedroll!"

Quite a few moments passed before they could stand up, albeit wobbly-kneed and all, but they managed. "C'mon Soli, let's get out of here. I think we have a Princess who is in dire need of a serious wake up holler." said Eph, grabbing her friend's hand and heading for the door.

"Sweetheart, have I ever told you just how much I love your devious mind?" replied Solari, allowing herself to be led away.

"I guess you're rubbing off on me Soli..." grinned the blonde as they stepped outside into the sunlight.

"Hmmmm..." replied the brunette.

Ephiny's eyebrows shot up as she caught the change in her friend's tone of voice, and she blushed furiously. "Soli! You are so bad!"

"That's not what you said last night..." stated the brunette in a sultry, low voice. "In fact, I quite recall the sentence...'Oh Solari, baby...you are so good' Or was I hearing things?" She linked her arm through Ephiny's as they continued walking towards Terreis' hut.

By now poor Eph was three shades of purple, with a tinge of magenta mixed in. She cleared her throat and leaned over to whisper in Solari's ear..."After we're done interrogating Terreis, you are sooo going to get paid back for that one dear..."

"Ooo, I can't wait." said her lover with a wistful look in her eye.

"Oh...but you're going to." stated Ephiny matter of factly.

Solari gulped. "You wouldn't!"

Her only answer was a sly grin and a very devilish look from the blonde.

Solari gulped again. "Uh oh."

***

Ephiny and Solari crept silently up to the window of the Princess's hut. Simultaneously, they peeked eyeballs over the sill and were rewarded with the sight of Terreis laying on her stomach, sprawled wildly across her pallet. Ephiny cocked her head as she viewed the mess in the hut. "My my, will you look at that..." she whispered as she pointed at three different spots on the floor. Solari's eyes followed Eph's gesture and she choked back a giggle. "Skirt there, top there, boots over there....Gods! How did her bracers get up there?" She pointed to the sconce on the wall. "Forget I asked, I don't think I really want to know..."

"Eph....hey look over there. Isn't that Pony's regiment sash?"

"Why yes it is Solari." A devious thought came to her as she studied the sash. "Wait here...and above all else, be quiet!"

"What are you gonna do?" whispered a now extremely intrigued Solari. 

"You'll see. Be right back!" With that she slipped away from her lover and crept around to the door of the hut. Ever so carefully, she pushed the door open and slid into the room. Terreis's soft snores almost made her giggle out loud, but she managed to stifle them as she dropped to all fours and inched slowly towards the sash. She caught sight of Solari's wide-eyed look peeking over the window sill, and almost busted out laughing again. 

She waved at her lover as she reached for the item, causing Soli to have to duck down and cover her mouth with her hand to keep from laughing herself. She tucked the sash into her belt pouch and was just about to leave when another, even more devious idea struck her. Oh yes, this would be the mother of ALL practical jokes! Her attention was drawn to the window where she noticed Solari peeking into the room again. A sly smile stole upon her face, and she put her finger to her lips to make sure Soli wouldn't utter a sound. This was going to be hard enough to pull off without her giggling partner getting her caught in middle of doing it.

Looking around the room, she spied what she needed to put her plan into action. Stealing over to the desk, she grabbed a quill and the ink bottle, and moved stealthily over to the bed to stand on Terreis's blind side. (just in case she woke up) She glanced over to the window to find Solari's mouth hanging wide open in complete disbelief. She grinned as she uncorked the bottle and dipped the quill into the dark blue liquid. 'They must have really drank a lot last night....this is almost too easy!' She thought to herself as she scribed some letter's on the back of the princess's shoulders. Ephiny froze in mid-stroke as Terreis stirred in her sleep. "Oh Pony, that feels so nice..." It was everything Eph could do to keep the laughter from escaping her. 'My my Eponin, I never knew!' she thought amusedly to herself as the princess stilled and returned to her nap. She resumed her writing. A few more strokes and she was done. Capping the bottle, she strode over to the desk and replaced the items exactly as she had found them, being careful to wipe the excess ink off the tip of the quill. Then she silently exited the hut.

She made it exactly five paces out before her arm was grabbed and she she was being dragged off into the main courtyard.

"BY THE GODS EPHINY!" squealed the brunette as they got out of earshot of the hut. "Have you completely lost every last bit of your mind?" She stared into her lover's eyes. "I can't BELIEVE you did that!!!" She began giggling. "I'm so proud of you darling!" And with that she slapped her partner on her back, almost knocking her off balance. "I couldn't have thought up anything more delightfully evil myself!"

Ephiny chuckled. "Well....it was just one of those spur of the moment kinda things Soli." She grinned and leaned in to whisper in her lover's ear. "And it doesn't end there...." She pulled out the sash and waved it in front of Solari's face. "This....." she beamed at her brilliance..."is going to come in very handy. Follow me..."

She walked back over to Terreis's hut and ceremoniously hung the sash on a nail above the door.

Solari just stood there grinning. "You are so so bad Ephiny." She entwined her arm with that of her lover's as they walked away. "Have I told you lately how much I adore your devious side darling?"

"Yes, but I love hearing it." She cast a look at the brunette walking at her side. "I believe we have some business to attend to on the other side of the village, do we not?"

Solari glanced up to see the gleam in Ephiny's eyes. "Oh yes...business. Lots of it too. Could take a long time to sort through it all...."

"Yes....we'd better get to it then..." replied the blonde with a smile. Their pace quickened as they made a bee-line towards their hut.

***

Terreis woke about mid-afternoon. Sitting up, she stretched and noticed a tight feeling in her shoulders. "Wow, maybe I can get Pony to take care of that for me later." She grinned to herself as she remembered the events of the previous evening. "Since it's her fault and all." Smiling she looked around her hut. "Holy Zeus!" She chuckled at the mess. "Who would have ever thought Eponin could be so wild!" Another grin as she found her skirt and slid it up over her hips, fastening it with the belt she found lying ten feet away. "Not that I minded one bit though." Finding her top, she slid that over her head, noticing again the tight feeling across her shoulders. "Definitely have to find Pony to take care of this." She slid into her boots as she found them, and glanced around for her bracers. "How did that get up there?" she wondered as she pulled the second one off the sconce on the wall. "No matter." Another giggle as she tried to straighten the muss of red locks falling across her shoulders. She walked out the door and into the sunshine, squinting at the brightness of it and headed towards Pony's hut.

She felt eyes on her as she crossed the square, and heard quite a few giggles and chuckles as well. But when she turned around to see what the fuss was about, the giggling stopped. "That's strange..." she thought. She turned around and continued walking, passing by three members of her sister's guard. There it was again! They were giggling! She turned in a huff to confront them....

"WHAT is so funny this morning?" she fumed at them, stopping them dead in their tracks and eliciting a very scared, wide-eyed look as well.

"N - nothing my Princess." replied one of them. "Our apologies for disturbing your walk."

Terreis turned and stomped off. "Some people!" she thought to herself.

She reached Eponin's hut and knocked. "Come in!" came the reply from inside.

Terreis opened the door and strode in. Pony was sitting at the table sharpening her sword, but put it aside when she saw it was her princess. She stood and met her lover midway across the room, slinging her arms around her and bestowing a very sensual kiss upon her lips.

"Mmm...." said Terreis as she pulled back to gaze into the brunette's eyes. "I sure could get to liking that on a regular basis Pony..."

Eponin blushed shyly and cleared her throat. "Count on it." she replied. "So what are your plans for today Ter?" She turned and led the princess to a chair. "Have a seat."

"Well, I woke up with stiff shoulders Pony..." Her eyes met Eponin's. "I was hoping you might be able to fix that..." A seductive smile moved onto her face and her green eyes twinkled mischievously.

"Well..." Replied Pony. "Personally I can't think of anything I would rather be doing Ter, than letting my hands roam all over your body." Her lips twitched into a sly grin. "Maybe you'd like to get a little more comfortable over there on the bed....you know, that way I can have an easier time getting those nasty kinks out.."

"Oh yes, definitely." replied the redhead. She stood and crossed the floor to the pallet.

Eponin watched as Terreis slowly began to undress. Her eyes followed every move as her lover disrobed before her. She gulped unconsciously. Her appreciative gaze was interrupted when she noticed what seemed to be some kind of writing along the back of Terreis's shoulders. She walked over just before the princess was about to take off her top. "What's this Ter?" she asked.

"What's what?"

"This writing on your shoulders."

"What are you talking about?" replied the princess as she craned her neck to look.

Pony got close enough to finally read what was inscribed there, and her eyes went wide. "By the GODS, they are gonna pay for this!"

"Who? What? What does it say?" inquired a now very exasperated princess.

"It says..." and a chuckle escaped her throat despite her efforts to keep it in.

"OUT with it Eponin! Come on!" Now Terreis was getting quite angry at the thought of someone in her hut while she was asleep.

"It says......" Pony cleared her throat. "Property of Pony." Now she began giggling at the thought of her lover walking in public with that on her back, for all to see. Silently she thanked her two mischievous friends.

"WHAT?" She looked at her girlfriend. "No way!" Eponin shook her head affirmatively. "Please tell me it wasn't you who did this Pony." This time Eponin shook her head no. "Then who did?"

"Oh, I have a good idea who did it Ter. And don't worry..." She grinned. "We'll get them back I promise you." She turned Terreis around toward the light from the window and took another look at the words written on the Princess's back. She smiled thoughtfully. "It does have sort of a nice ring to it though..."

Terreis snapped her head around. "Oh you think so huh?"

"Yeah...maybe I do."

"So you think I should leave it on?" She noticed the suddenly panicked look fly onto her lover's face. "Uh-huh. Ok, let's get it off then."

"Ok, come over here by the basin." replied Eponin, taking one last look at those words. "I do like the idea of you being mine though." She commented as she began scrubbing at the ink.

"Really?"

"Yes." She felt the flush begin to creep up her neck again.

"Ok."

"Ok?" A surprised look stole over the brunette's features.

"Yes...ok. I want to be yours." replied Terreis sincerely.

"Gods..." Replied Pony. "I don't know what to say to that!" Her brow furrowed as she retreated into her thoughts, scrubbing harder than she realized.

"Ow! Hey!" yelped the princess. "Take it easy Pony, I sorta need my skin..." 

"Oh yeah, I'm sorry." She softened her ministrations. "I just....um....aw Hades!"

"What? You can talk to me Ep. Don't be afraid..."

"Well...." the brunette paused in her scrubbing. "I just am afraid some people will think I'm with you because of what I can get out of it..." She hung her head. "That would be so not true Ter..."

The princess turned around to face her friend. "I know that Pony. After all, it was me who started this..." She smiled. "I don't care what they say...I just want to be with you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Wow. Alright, you can be mine then." She met those beautiful green eyes and stared into them. "And I'll be just yours." Her smile lit up the room.

"Deal." replied the princess. "Is it all off yet?" She tried to look over her shoulder to check.

"Well, most of it is...it's ink, we need a special herb to draw it all out."

Terreis grimaced. "Guess we need to go see Cervexa huh?"

"Yeah. I'll go with you."

"Alright, let's get going then." 

As they walked across the courtyard on their way to the healer's hut, they passed by the princess's own. Pony glanced over at it and noticed her sash hanging above the doorframe. "Uh...Ter?"

"Yeah?"

"Look over your door."

She glanced at it, turned away, and then did a quick double take. "Lemme guess; Ephiny and Solari."

"Yup."

"Paybacks are a bitch." commented the princess, and with a flip of her red hair, proceeded towards Cervexa's place.

***

The summer sun was beating down on the Amazon village by the time Ephiny opened her eyes. "Oh, and here I swore off the cider for at least a month! When will I learn?" She casually shut them again, feeling a little sluggish in the early morning heat. She felt Solari toss a bit in her sleep and opened her eyes again. Glancing over, she couldn’t help but smile to see her lover sprawled with her head and part of her upper torso hanging off the end of the pallet. Chuckling, she gently eased away and stood up. "Wake her or not wake her?" she said out loud. "Hmmmmm...yeah wake her!" Bending over, she stood just out of arm's reach of the dark-haired beauty.....

"SOLARI! WAKE UP! WAKE UP! WE'RE BEING ATTACKED!" yelled Ephiny quite close to her lover's ear.

"Huuuuuh? Whhaaa? GOOD GODS! I'm up...I'm up! Where's my leathers?? WHERE'S MY SWORD?" yelped Soli as she threw herself into the air, just narrowly missing a dodging Eph.

The blonde exploded with laughter as she watched her friend scrabbling to find her clothes. So engaged was she in her mirth that she failed to see the light go on above Solari's head, and also failed to see her grab the bucket that was sitting right next to where she had landed after her frantic leap from the pallet. In one quick toss, Ephiny was drenched from head to toe with water, and it was suddenly her lover that was doing the laughing.

"Heh, that'll teach ya." She said as she walked back over to the bed and sat down, giggling at the expense of her tormentor turned tormented.

Ephiny just sat there watching the water drip off her and onto the floor. "Yup. Very good. You got me." She turned her hazel eyes upon the brunette and graced her with a great big smile. "I guess I should know better than to try and get one up on the 'Queen of the Jokesters' huh?" She stood and walked over to the pallet.

"Oh no, you are not sitting down here all drippin wet like that curly...." Eph made a face at the pet name. "We really need to go get a bath and get to the practice field for drills before Melosa makes us pick herbs for Cervexa for a week."

Ephiny sighed. "Yeah, guess yer right" She flexed her arms, then stretched, popping her vertebrae back into alignment.

"Ewwwww! Stop that! You know that sound makes me cringe Eph..."

"Sorry honey. Well let's get cleaned up then. I'm sure we smell like a wine cellar right now."

"After you my dear..." said Solari as she stood, sweeping her arm out in a gesture for her friend to go first.

"Oh no, after you..."

"No, I insist...after you." Soli gave her lover a shove towards the door.

"You are such a bossy woman Soli, why do I stay with you?" retorted Ephiny as she allowed the brunette to steer her outside.

"Because of my exotic good looks and the fact that I am so good in bed. Haven't we discussed this before?" Grinning, she tossed her arm over Ephiny's shoulder as they crossed the square towards the bath hut.

"Why yes...yes we did come to think of it." Eph planted a kiss on her lover's cheek. "Doesn't hurt that I love you to death either."

Solari's smile lit up her face. "You always say the sweetest things Ephiny. I love you too."

They reached the bath hut and were quite pleased with the fact that it was unoccupied for a change. Entering, they locked the door behind them and shed their clothes.

"Yes, oh this feels so good...." said Ephiny as she slid into the warm water. "Ahhh..."

"Doesn't look bad either..." drawled Solari as she let her eyes roam over her love's body. She slid closer so as to be able to gaze into those hazel eyes she adored so much. "I could just drown in your eyes Ephiny..." She smiled as the blush began to color the blonde's cheeks.

"You could?" replied a semi-stupified Eph.

"Ooooh yeah...and your lips..." She licked her own sensuously . "I think they were made just for me to kiss..." She leaned in closer, hearing the gulp from her friend. "I burn for you Ephiny....I want you...."

"Then take me, I'm yours." replied a now very flushed blonde warrior.

"Oh I intend to....right now in fact."

Their lips met in a crushing kiss, Solari's hands running the length of her lover's body and back up. They were well into some extremely passionate lovemaking when Ephiny's head shot up.

"What was that?"

"What was what? I didn't hear anything." replied Solari as she ran her tongue along a sensitive earlobe.

"I swear I heard something outside."  This time they both heard it.

"Hades balls!" cursed the blonde as she hurriedly exited the pool and headed for the door. Reaching it, she grabbed the handle, only to have it come off in her hand.

"Son of a Bacchae!!"

"Uh oh..." said Solari, as she caught up to her friend at the door. "This sorta stinks huh?"

"Sorta?" Ephiny's brows creased as she tried to put the handle back on. "We're going to be late if we don't get out of here."

"Hmmmm....well we could bust it down." offered the brunette.

"I'm afraid we're gonna have to. Come on let's get a running start..." They took a few steps back and linked arms. "Remind me to hurt those two little troublemakers later, ok honey?" Said Ephiny as they leveled themselves for the door.

"Believe me dear, I WON'T let you forget!" replied Solari. "Ready?" Eph shook her head. "On three...One...Two....THREE!"

They made a mad dash for the door and crashed into it with such force that it flew outward and landed 5 paces away. Skidding to a halt they both looked at each other with big grins on their faces. But alas, their grins turned to frowns as a bucket of blue ink dropped ceremoniously on top of their heads.

"Argh! Eponin!" bellowed the now tie-dyed blonde. "You are gonna pay for this!"

Ephiny's tirade was interrupted by a fit of giggles coming from her partner. "Soli! How can you be laughing at a time like this!!!" she blurted.

"Awww come on Eph....it isn't that bad." She giggled some more. "Besides, you look sorta cute in blue..."

Ephiny threw up her arms in surrender and turned back towards the hut. "Women! Can't live with em, can't run em through!" she fumed. "Come on Soli, we gotta get this junk off us before it sets into our skin." She grabbed her chuckling lover by the arm and led her back into the hut.

Two silently guffawing forms were huddled together behind the bushes across the courtyard, watching all the action. As Ephiny and Solari made their way back inside to scrub off the ink, they slid from their hiding place and made a beeline for the Princess's hut. Once inside, they finally let loose the laughter they had been holding in for quite a length of time, each holding on to the other for support.

"We did it!" blurted Eponin between howls and hoots. "We did it!"

"Yep! Told you they would pay darling." replied Terreis as she plopped down into a chair.

"That was the most AWESOME thing I have ever seen Ter! You are so smart!" She bestowed a kiss upon her girlfriend's lips. "Thank you for helping me get them back."

"Anything for you Pony." She smiled sweetly. "You aren't alone anymore, and you will never have to be the brunt of anyone's jokes ever again as long as I am around."

Eponin's smile could have blinded a cyclops right then. "Really?"

"Yes, really." replied the redhead. "In fact, there's something I've been wanting to ask you if you have a minute to talk before you head off to the field..."

Pony sat herself in the chair next to her princess. "Sure. Is there something you need? I can get it for you.."

"Yeah, there

is

something I need." Terreis turned her eyes to meet Eponin's brown ones, and the brunette swallowed at the seriousness she saw there.

"Oh...serious chat...ok I can do that," Replied Pony as she settled back into the chair and crossed her arms. "Lay it on me. I can do it!"

The Princess smiled as she looked at the young woman sitting next to her. "Well..." started Terreis a bit hesitantly..."We have been seeing each other for a couple months now, right Pony?" The warrior shook her head yes. "So...ummm....I was wanting to ask you exactly how you feel about me...I mean...right now, how do you feel now that some time has passed?" Terreis bit her lip as she nervously awaited an answer.

"Hmmm..." Pony's brows creased in thought as she pondered the question. Looking her lover straight in the eye, she replied. "I love you. More than anything Ter....don't think I would like it much if something bad were to happen between us."

The breath Terreis had been holding finally escaped her lungs. "Whew! I'm really glad to hear that Pony because," She untied the braided leather shoulder sash that signified her rank among the tribe. "I want you to wear this." She held it out in offering to her lover.

Eponin's face went completely pale as she realized what she was looking at. Raising her eyes from the sash to Terreis's, she honestly still could not believe this was happening to her. She swallowed what seemed to be some kind of lump in her throat, and her voice was just barely a whisper as she tried to get something out. "Me?" was all she could muster.

Terreis looked upon her flabbergasted companion, and a warmth crept itself into her heart such as she had never known before. "Yes you." she replied.

"You sure?"

"Yes. Please say you will, or you'll break my heart..."

Eponin felt tears welling up in her eyes. "Gods Ter, I don't ever want to do that." She reached out a shaking hand and grasped the hand that held the mark of a princess. Their eyes met. "Yes, I'll join with you."

Terreis felt her own tears begin to stream down her face, and didn't care at all. She raised herself out of the chair and stood in front of her lover. Bending down on one knee, she carefully reached out and tied the sash to the left shoulder strap of Eponin's leathers. As she finished, she left her hand on top of it and looked deeply into her warrior's eyes. "I love you. Now let the world know it too."

Their lips met, and everything else faded away as they professed their feelings for each other through the language of their love.

"I haven't seen our two pranksters yet Pony." Stated Terreis as she glanced around the practice field. "They're late for drills...you know what that means..." A wry grin tweaked the corner of her mouth.

Eponin turned to smile at her lover, then resumed searching for the perfect practice staff. "Oooooh yeah....hehehe..." She found a suitable piece of wood and stepped back to check the balance. She suddenly became a whirl of motion, whipping the staff around her like it was the easiest thing in the world to do.

As Terreis watched her lover warm up, she was again in awe of how at home with weapons Eponin truly was. The staff became a blur, and the princess couldn't take her eyes from the sight. So mesmerized was she that she didn't see the tye-dyed, blonde mass of curls making a beeline for the swordmaster.

Ephiny grabbed the closest staff and headed straight for Eponin. Just as Ephiny was bringing her staff to strike at Pony's unprotected back, the brunette ducked and rolled to the right, causing Ephiny to overbalance and stumble forward. As she planned, Eponin quickly got to her feet and brought her staff around to shove the blonde forward, face first into the dirt. She quickly placed her boot lightly on the back of Eph's neck to hold her down. She staked her staff into the ground next to her friend's face, casually leaned on it and looked down. "Didn't anyone ever tell you not to make so much noise when you attack there Ephie?" She snickered.

"LET ME UP EPONIN!" Ephiny struggled to rise, but Pony put a little more pressure on her neck and shoved her back down again.

"Hold on there, where do you think you're goin?" She cocked her head a bit so she could look into her friend's eyes.

The blonde struggled a bit more, but finally just gave in to Eponin's greater strength and obviously superior position. "Damn you to Hades, Pony!" She frowned. "You are gonna pay for that little stunt of yours at the bath hut!"

Eponin let a chuckle escape. "Is that so?" Now she laughed a bit. "And I suppose you thought I would just let you get away with painting my girlfriend's back while she was sleeping?" She laughed even harder. "That's a good one Eph!"

The blonde sighed. "Alright, alright, I guess I can't blame you for being a little angry." Eponin removed her booted foot and held out her arm. Eph grasped the proffered forearm, and, standing up, brushed herself off, sending dust flying everywhere. This quickly dispersed the small crowd that had gathered to watch the short-lived fight.

By this time, Terreis had recovered her senses enought o come rushing over to the swordmaster. "You ok, Pony?"

"Ayup." She replied as she let her arm wrap itself around the redhead's waist. "Eph here is lookin a little blue though..." 

"Very funny Pony....very funny." Suddenly her eyes fell upon her friend's left shoulder and her eyes bugged out. She looked from Eponin to Terreis, back to Eponin and then back to the sash that now adorned Pony's leathers. "Is that....." was all she could say.

Eponin cleared her throat. "Ahem....ummmm yeah, it is."

"Wow! Hey that's great!!" She suddenly ran up to the pair and drew them both into an amazingly strong bear hug.

Eponin cursed as she was suddenly being squashed like a bug. "Eph! You blasted woman! Let me go, yer makin a spectacle!" She finally managed to extricate herself but couldn't do much to save her lover, as Ephiny now wrapped her free arm around Terreis. Finally, Ephiny loosed the princess and stepped back.

"I can't believe it! When did this happen!" The blonde's words came out so fast even Terreis had a hard time getting all the words. Just then Solari came bursting onto the scene in a blue-tinged huff, using her lover to stop her forward progress.

"Eph! What happened?" Huffed Solari as tried to get some air into her strained lungs. "You shouldn't have taken off on me like that!" (A small crowd was now gathering again....after all, two tie-dyed amazons tend to draw some attention...) Ephiny just pointed at Pony's left shoulder, and now it was Solari's turn to go buggy.

"What...when...where...how..." she blurted. 

Amusement danced in Terreis's green eyes as she replied. "Ummm, well I sorta asked her this morning." Now her eyes cast down and she blushed before looking back up to her friends. "She said yes, so..."

Eponin saw that same look in Solari's eyes that Ephiny had had just before she was made to feel like the grapes at the bottom of a wine squashing barrel. Shutting her eyes she willed herself to grin and bear it, since after all this was one of her best friends, and especially since Terreis seemed to be thoroughly enjoying it. She sighed as now two sets of strong amazon arms were wrapped around her and her betrothed. 'Not so bad...' she thought to herself and hugged back. 'Not so bad at all!' She sorta rather liked this warm feeling that was running through her at the moment...yeah, it was definitely an ok thing.

Their moment of congratulations abruptly ended as Solari turned and saw the Queen standing not two feet away, with her arms crossed and looking extremely perturbed.

"Do I have to be present at all training sessions in order for any training to actually get done?" inquired Melosa as she stared directly at her sister.

Terreis was about to open her mouth to reply when Ephiny stepped forward and bowed her head. "Permission to explain, my Queen."

"Granted. Proceed. And don't forget to include the explanation as to why you are blue this morning..."

Ephiny caught the giggle that escaped Solari and shot her a glare before she proceeded. "Well, you see...." She hurried through the explanation, and by the time she finished, the Queen was trying very hard not to chuckle herself.

"My my....Eponin I am very proud of you." She turned and stood directly in front of the brunette. "That last show of your skill only reinforces the fact that I have made the right decision then."

"Decision?" asked Eponin curiously.

"I was going to wait for the ceremony this evening to announce it, but I guess now is as good a time as any." Melosa looked directly in Eponin's eyes. "Eponin, it is with great pride for me to inform you, that you have been selected as the tribe's Weaponmaster." She smiled warmly as she watched Pony's jaw hit the ground.

"Really? Me?" she swallowed audibly. 

"Yes. Tonight you will be officially recognized." replied the Queen as she turned to go. She stopped in mid-turn and added..."And by the way, congratulations to you both." She smiled as she walked away.

Terreis rested her arm over Pony's shoulder. "I guess we have her blessing huh?" She giggled. "And you! Congrats! Oh Pony I am so proud of you!" She then threw her arms around her lover's neck and kissed her soundly. Their kiss was interrupted by the slapping of hands on Eponin's back, and the sound of many voices congratulating both them and Eponin for her promotion.

Pony found Terreis's eyes and she mouthed "I love you," Which was returned with a huge smile and twinkling green eyes. 'Can't get any better than this..' thought the weaponmaster as she continued to be hugged and pounded on the back by a now increasing number of her peers. 'But I swear my arm is gonna fall off if this goes on much longer.'

Time passes, and things change...for better or worse. Terreis took Eponin as her consort, and they were both very happy. Solari's flirting finally became too much for Ephiny to bear any longer, and they ended up going their separate ways. More time passed. A war with the centaurs was becoming more of a reality every day, and the Amazon Nation was preparing itself. "My Queen, the rut in the floor will soon be three feet deep if you keep that up," Ephiny shifted in her seat as she spoke, and patted the chair next to her. "Please rest for a few moments, you will not do any of us any good if you pass out from exhaustion." Melosa stopped her pacing and turned to the captain of her guard. Sighing, she responded, "Ah Ephiny...as always you are right." She walked over to the chair and seated herself. "I'm just so on edge...this war seems imminent, and I just can't seem to do anything to stop it." She sighed. "They want our best hunting ground, and if we give that up, the nation will suffer." Ephiny turned to face her leader. "I know you are doing everything in your power to keep this from happening my Queen, but sometimes there is nothing we can do." She folded her hands on the table. "Despite our best efforts, it seems some things are just meant to be." A knock sounded on the door frame. "Come." called Melosa. Eponin moved the curtain aside and entered. "My Queen...the centaurs have sent a messenger." she said, bowing her head. "A messenger?" The hairs on the back of Melosa's neck were standing straight up. "What is the message." "They wish to make us an offer." "An offer, how quaint." The queen stood and crossed her arms. "State the offer." Eponin unrolled the piece of parchment she had been holding and began to read. "I, Tyldus, King of the Centaurs wish to open negotiations with the Amazon Nation in respects to the hunting ground on their east border. I would be pleased to meet to discuss this issue on neutral ground, each bringing one negotiator and three guards. Follow the path to our shared west border, we will be camped there for two nights. I hope to bring about a peaceful solution to this affair. Signed, Tyldus." Melosa sighed and turned to Ephiny. "What do you think?" "I think it's a trap." "Me too." added the weaponmaster. "That makes three of us. Question is what do we do about it." She sent up a silent prayer to Artemis, in hopes that the goddess would do something to help them. War was not what she had in mind for the nation during her rule, but it looked like there was no other way if this turned out to be the trap she thought it was. She raised her eyes and prayed...'Artemis, what am I to do? Send me a sign...anything....let me know if this is for the best in the end.' 

*** "Then it's decided." Melosa whipped around to face her sister. "No, it's not." Her hands went to her hips as she closed the distance between them. "I will not allow you to go Terreis. It's too dangerous." The redhead's eyes rolled. "My Queen, you cannot go. You know that if you do, something could happen. You belong ruling our tribe, not I." Her eyes cast down to the floor for a moment. "I cannot let that happen...I won't let that happen. It is only right that I should go." Melosa was doing everything she could to control her anger right then, and she raised a shaking finger to her sister's face. "You..." she hissed..."Are NOT expendable. Don't act as if you are!" "I am a princess of the Amazon Nation. It is my duty to do this." She crossed her arms as she regarded the queen. "You cannot let the fact that we are sisters stand in the way of doing what is right by the nation. What would that look like to our tribe?" Melosa could not argue that point. Indeed, if she refused to let Terreis go to meet with the centaurs, it would look like she was coddling the princess. She knew that would not be the best answer for this situation. She glanced up into those sparkling green eyes that were beseeching her to do the right thing. Sighing, she gave in. "Alright, but you take only our best with you." "Your choices?" "Ephiny, Eponin and Solari. Take it or leave it." replied the queen. "Agreed. We'll leave in a candlemark." Terreis turned to go, but was stopped by a hand on her shoulder. "You know I don't like this one bit....please be careful..." The queen pulled her sister in for a hug. "I love you sister, be well and good luck." Terreis winked at Melosa. "You know I will." She smiled and was gone. Melosa just stood there for a moment, trying to figure out why she had this really sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. "Nope...don't like this at all...." She sat down at her table and put her head in her hands. *** Terreis closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Letting it out slowly she stretched her arms over her head. "Ah...Pony, isn't it such a great day?" Eponin lifted her head from where it had been drooping in misery from the heat of the afternoon to gaze at her wife. "If you call riding along with a sweat hut on your back a great day, I guess I would have to say yes." She reached down to peel up a corner of her skirt and flap it wildly, trying to get a breeze going. Glancing ahead, she noticed Ephiny's head snap to one side, then the other. The signal for silence was given, followed by the one to move forward slowly. Terreis and Eponin dismounted silently and crept forward, careful not to snap any stray twigs. As they reached Ephiny and Solari, the blonde pointed through the bushes and down the path. Pony's eyes narrowed as she spied the warrior and her companion. Cocking her head to one side, she listened for a moment, then pointed up. Into the trees they went, taking positions on either side of the forest trail. "What was that thing hanging back there from the tree?" Asked the small blonde as she tried out her new walking stick. "No trespassing signs. This is Amazon country." said the tall, dark warrior beside her." "Amazons..." Excitement began to creep into the blonde's voice even as the warrior pulled her sword out of the sheath attached to the saddle. "Do you think we'll see any?" Eponin gave the signal to fire the warning shots. Eight arrows landed in the ground at their feet. "Almost certainly." replied the warrior, spinning her sword in her hand and plunging it blade first into the ground. She clasped her hands over her head. "Gabrielle..." She said quietly as she motioned with her eyes to follow her lead. The blonde followed suit, and before they knew it four heavily armed amazons were dropping down in front of them. One came forward and spoke. "You know the Amazon symbol of peace." she said. "We'd like safe passage through your hunting grounds." replied the warrior woman, as the blonde's eyes went wide with awe and wonder. The Amazon pushed back her mask and regarded this duo. Her guard did the same. "My name is Terreis. You know the Amazon ways and yet you're not one of us." She glanced at the blonde. "And you're really not one of us." "Hey..." she replied. "Don't judge a scroll by its paper!" 

This made Terreis chuckle. Ephiny spoke up. "They invaded our territory. We should take them to see Queen Melosa." Terreis eyebrows knit together in thought for a moment. "Ephiny's right. We have to let Melosa decide. Don't worry, she's fair." Eponin relieved the warrior of her sword, and as she did she made sure the warrior caught her glare as she backed away to stow them on her own mount. "Going to see the Amazon Queen..." bubbled the little blonde. "This is fantastic! I'm so excited...I wonder what she's like?" Terreis couldn't supress another chuckle at that comment. "Reminds me of myself a few years ago..." she said to no one in particular. Deciding she wanted to speak more with this young woman, she hurried to catch up. *** "I want to read philosophy, and learn about history and science. But they didn't consider me a normal girl." The blonde blushed at her statement. "Philosophy and history are some of the first things taught to amazon children." replied Terreis. "Really?" "It is a man's world Gabrielle. Not because it should be...but because we let them have it. It's based on a woman's weakness." "Yeah?" "The Amazon world is based on truth.." continued Terreis as they stopped walking. "On a woman's individual strengths." "I'm all for that! I've always considered myself a single-minded person." replied Gabrielle. "Of course...if I got married, I'd have to ask my husband if it was ok..." The Amazon Princess turned a hard stare on the little blonde. Gabrielle chuckled nervously. "Heh, that was a joke.." Terreis's eyes softened and her face broke into a smile as they began walking again. Ephiny was on point, and couldn't help but to turn around and look at this warrior woman every time she had the chance. She was just so beautiful....and dangerous. She stopped next to a tree and let the warrior pass by. As the warrior walked by her she spoke. "Something about me you find interesting?" she said nonchalantly. "Yes." replied Ephiny with a seductive tone in her voice. "Wanna tell me?" "No." "Then stop staring at me before I take your eyes out." Said the warrior in barely controlled anger. They stared each other down for a moment before they both heard the noise. A crackling sound from just ahead and to the right. "Gabrielle!" The blonde came rushing over. "What is it?" At that moment the sky began to fill with arrows. Ephiny yelled as loud as she could. "To the trees! To the trees!" The warrior noticed one of the Amazons drop her sword in her scramble to get out of sight, and she picked it up quickly...just in time to ward off a volley of arrows that certainly would have hit Gabrielle. Suddenly there was a scream as an amazon fell out of the tree, and thumped loudly to the ground below, an arrow protruding from her chest. "Terreis!" yelled Gabrielle as she sprang into action, racing over to the fallen Amazon, and shielding the princess from any more arrows. As the volley stopped, the warrior ran over to see about the amazon's injury. Xena grimaced. The arrow had pierced her lung. "Don't try to move her..." she warned Gabrielle. "I'll check to see if it's clear." The blonde shook her head, and the warrior ran off into the forest. Eponin was the first one to the ground, and couldn't move from where she stood. So in shock was she, that the only thing she could manage was "No...no...no..." over and over. She sank to her knees, able only to watch as half of her soul began to slip away. "Terreis!" shouted Ephiny as she hit the ground running. Solari bolted over to catch Eponin before she fell over. Eph skidded to a halt beside her fallen princess and friend. Terreis knew her time was short, and she needed to get this out before she passed over. She gasped. Looking at Gabrielle, she spoke haltingly..."You tried to save me..." "No...don't talk." replied Gabrielle, trying to keep her quiet and calm til Xena returned. Terreis continued. "What you did...only an Amazon would do....for another Amazon..." A wave of pain rolled thru her body and she grimaced. "I want you to take...my right of caste." Ephiny's face registered complete shock. "Terreis!" The princess met Gabrielle's eyes and pleaded..."Please!" "A - alright, I'll take it..." stammered Gabrielle. "J-just don't...don't..." Her sentence was cut short as Terreis let out her last breath. She looked questioningly up to Ephiny, who's only expression was one of confusion and disbelief. Solari had finally gotten Eponin to her feet and they came up behind Ephiny. Eponin was clearly distraught. "This can't be real," She said softly. "She can't leave me..." Ephiny placed her hand on her best friend's shoulder in support. "She isn't gone Pony...she'll always be in your heart." Eponin's eyes began to well up with tears, and she bit her lip as she tried to maintain her dignity in front of her fellow amazons. "Um...yeah...of course you're right." she sniffed and straightened up. "Let's get her home." Gabrielle turned questioning eyes on Xena as she returned, and the warrior felt the pressure of finding the right thing to say. But nothing seemed right at the moment. All she could do was look back as if to say "I'm sorry..." Gabrielle allowed the Amazons to take Terreis from her, and watched solemnly as they gently placed their princess on the back of her horse. Leading their own horses, they slowly began their trek back to the amazon village. *** "Aw gods Eph! Why me??" Eponin could barely keep the tears back at this point. "Of all the people you could pick for this, why me?" She sniffed. "Why now?" Ephiny sighed and turned a sad look on her friend. "Pony..." She spat out her next few words..."She is an Amazon Princess whether we like it or not." A pause, then in a calmer tone... "She has to have the best training, and that my friend, is you." Eponin's chin dropped onto her chest. "Alright, alright. Send her to weapons hut. I'll meet her there." "Done. Is there anything else you require?" Eponin shook her head no. "Ok then, as soon as Melosa and I have a talk with her, we'll send her by." "Can't wait..." Ep mumbled under her breath. She sat there for a moment, pondering what horrid crime against the gods she must have done to deserve this. 'I lose my wife to a centaur's arrow, and now I have to train her successor?' And then the tears came. Her shoulders shook violently as the pain and loss finally found a release. After a few long moments, she realized she still had a job to do. Wiping the tears away, she walked over to her basin and splashed some cold water on her face to try to bring down the puffiness that used to be her eyes. "Wouldn't look good for the Weaponmaster to look like a weak-willed crybaby now would it Ep?" she said to herself. Shaking her head sadly, she opened the door and walked out into the bright sunshine. She shielded her eyes with her hand and headed off to meet her new pupil. *** "My Queen....you know I was the next in line for right of caste!" Ephiny's voice was sounding quite whiny at this point and Melosa was beginning to get aggravated. "Captain, need I remind you of Amazon law?" She cast a stern look toward the blonde walking beside her. Seeing the hurt on her face, the queen's demeanor softened a bit. "I do understand Ephiny, but you know the laws as well as I do. It was Terreis's wish for Gabrielle to have her right of caste...even though we don't understand it, we have to abide by that wish." Eph's shoulders sagged. "Ok, but I don't like her. She has no skills!" "And that's what we have Eponin for. Ah, there she is now," said Melosa. "Let's go have a little chat with her." Ephiny rolled her eyes as she followed behind her queen. 'This is turning out to be the worst day I have ever had...' she thought as they crossed the compound. 'And if it gets any worse, I'm going to have to run myself through just see if it's all real.' She sighed as she spotted the new princess across the courtyard. 'Well at least Xena is leaving her alone for now. Thank the gods I don't have to deal with her hanging over my shoulder and getting in my business.' By the time she and Melosa reached their destination, a scowl had planted itself firmly across her features. "Gabrielle," she called out. 

The bard turned around at the sound of her name. Seeing the queen approaching, she thought it the most opportune time to get some questions answered. "So are we going to talk about this Right of Caste thing?" She sounded just a bit perturbed about being left in the dark for so long. (just like a bard eh? Always needing to know things yesterday or sooner hehe) Melosa stopped before the blonde. "With her dying wish, Terreis bestowed all her rights and possessions to you." stated the queen nonchalantly. "And her position." Gabrielle seemed a bit shocked by this news. "Wait, you mean...I'm an Amazon?" "Terreis was my true sister...the next in the royal line." A pause. "You're an Amazon Princess." Turning to Ephiny, she continued. "Make sure she's taught." With that she walked away, leaving Gabrielle in a state of confusion and disbelief. All Ephiny could think of at the moment was tearing this poor excuse for an Amazon limb from limb. She took a breath and tried to relax, but all she managed was to purse her lips in anger and frustration, and glare coldly at the little blonde. Summoning all the strength of will that she could muster, she spoke. "Follow me." "Where are we going?" asked Gabrielle as they headed towards what looked like a weapons hut. It took all of Ephiny's self control not to turn around and beat her to within an inch of her life. In fact, just the sound of her voice was irritating her beyond anything she had ever experienced before...even more than sand in her breeches. "I'm taking you to Eponin. She will be your teacher." "Eponin? Which one is she?" asked the bard. Eph stopped so quickly that Gabrielle slammed right into her backside. "Oooops...sorry...heh" stammered the bard. The captain turned around and affixed a cold stare upon her smaller charge. "She...was Terreis' consort. She has agreed to train you despite the obvious futility of this endeavor." She turned to continue walking, but Gabrielle's next words stopped her dead in her tracks... "Now you just wait a minute Ephiny." She walked right up to the captain and tried her best to stand taller as she spoke, like she had seen Xena do so many times. "I didn't ask for this...all I was doing was trying to save her." She raised her left hand and stuck her index finger right in Ephiny's face. "And I don't need the likes of YOU making this any harder for me than it already is!" She lowered her arm. Ephiny was fuming at the insolence before her. "Then you..." This time it was her finger in the bard's face, "shouldn't have taken Terreis' right of caste before you knew what it entailed!" "Oh...as if I had a choice." The bard blew out a frustrated breath. "Need I remind you she was dying? Need I remind you that there was no time to discuss the logistics of the situation?" She crossed her arms. "Put yourself in my boots, Ephiny. What would you have done?" She pushed past the captain and walked the last few yards to the weapons hut and entered, leaving Ephiny standing there with mouth hanging open and contemplating the words she was left with. "Yup..." said Eph to no one in particular. "I'm a centaur's ass." She began heading towards the dining hall, scowling all the way. Even though she still didn't like Gabrielle, she had to respect the way the girl had stood up to her. Deciding to reserve her judgement of Xena's companion for a later date, she changed direction and headed back the way she had come...towards the Queen's quarters. *** Gabrielle was happily chatting away to Solari and Eponin as Ephiny strode purposefully in. "Come....now." she said, a cold edge in her voice. The blonde gave her an admonishing look. "I'm sorry...you must have me mistaken for a pet." she said, shaking her head. Ephiny rolled her eyes. "Would you come with me?" She rephrased. Gabrielle shook her head. "That's better!" and stepped down off the dressing pedestal. As the bard walked toward her, she caught the "Oh gods thank you for saving me" look from Eponin, and could only wonder what kind of torture this was for the poor weaponmaster. Nonetheless, she knew they had their jobs to do. "From birth, every amazon is taught to use weapons...pick your first weapon." she said as calmly as she gestured toward the array on the wall. Gabrielle stepped forward and began to peruse the assortment. "No, i don't like swords..." she commented as she passed them by. "Can't hit the side of a cyclops with a bow and arrow..." Then she saw something that caught her eye. "Ah what's this?" she inquired as she picked up some sort of ornate stick. "That's a fighting staff." said Ephiny as she took the weapon from the bard. "Eponin?" She turned and tossed the staff to the weaponmaster, who promptly began an impressive display of spins and attack maneuvers. Gabrielle was in awe, shaking her head up and down in respect. "Your training begins now." said Ephiny matter-of-factly. "Eponin, take her outside and make sure she knows how to use the staff." "As you request." replied Pony as she motioned for the bard to follow her. "No Gabrielle, counter-sundial-wise!" snapped Eponin, her patience growing slim as the small blonde clobbered herself in the head yet again with the training staff. "Ow!" The bard blew her bangs out of her eyes. This was tough, but she was loving every minute of it. 'I'll really have something to show Xena when she comes back!' she thought to herself as she reset her staff to the beginning position. 'Maybe she'll finally respect me a little.' She watched intently as Eponin demonstrated the move yet again. She began the kata and was almost all the way through before she lost control of a spin and clunked herself right in the noggin for the umpteenth time. Eponin scowled. Gabrielle noticed the look of frustration on the weaponmaster's face. Leaning on her staff, she cocked her head at the brunette. "Eponin...can we talk for a moment?" Now this was not something Pony was expecting, but she did manage to look semi-composed. "Whatever you wish Princess." The bard frowned. "First of all..." she said as she leaned her staff against the nearest hut, "I'm really not comfortable with the 'Princess' thing, so you can just call me Gabrielle." She smiled warmly at Eponin. "Yes Prin...errrr I mean, Gabrielle." Pony raised her eyes, meeting her trainee's, and was instantly drawn into the warmth coming from this little bard. She smiled back. "Good! Now that that's out of the way..." She closed the distance between them and took a spot next to the weaponmaster. Eponin held her breath. "I just want you to know that I truly appreciate you teaching me all this." 

Eponin's eyes went wide with astonishment. The bard gestured to the weapons leaning next to them. "I know it must be so hard for you to do this..." Gabrielle held up her hand before Eponin could speak. "Please...let me finish." The brunette shook her head. "Thanks. Anyways..." The blonde moved to stand in front of her teacher. "Ephiny told me that you were Terreis' consort. I know how strange you must feel at having to see me dressed in her clothes, and having to teach me how to fight...but I want you to know that I will do my best not to shame her memory." She placed her hand on the weaponmaster's shoulder. "I'm sorry for your loss. Know that in my heart I understand. So please try to bear with me during this learning process. I'll try to make it as easy as I can for you, but by now I'm sure you can tell I have never done this before." Eponin watched as the blonde chuckled at her own incompetence. 'Amazing...' she thought. 'She's just amazing.' "I can tell..." replied a grinning Pony. "But I think we can work through it." "Excellent!" gushed the bard. "Shall we try it again?" "Sure Gabrielle." Eponin reached for her staff. "Assume the position!" This got another chuckle out of the bard. "Alright....I can do this...Again!" Eponin went through the kata once more, and Gabrielle watched intently. She began the maneuver...only a couple more swings and she would be through it without a hitch...CLUNK!..."Ow!" yelped the bard as she rubbed her head. As she looked up, she saw Ephiny approaching. "Oh great!" she said aloud. "Here come the critics!" Pony couldn't help but laugh at this latest remark. No matter how she tried now, she couldn't dislike this blonde bard. Sighing, she turned to meet Ephiny's greeting. The captain strode up and pulled the weaponmaster in close for a private chat. "Report." "She's not bad..." replied Pony with slight shrug. "A little rough..." then leaned in closer and whispered, "She's better than Jalana." This earned an elbow to the ribs for Eponin, but she still caught the slight smirk upon Ephiny's lips. Ephiny turned to Gabrielle. "So how are you doing with your training?" "It's sorta fun when I can keep it going." replied the young bard. "Gabrielle, war is not a game!" Ephiny threw up her hands in frustration. Gabrielle gulped audibly. The captain paced for a moment, then grabbed her staff and walked over to a nearby horse. What followed was a lesson Gabrielle wouldn't soon forget...one where she finally realized the levity of her present situation. Ephiny finished and walked back over to her. "Still fun?" inquired the blonde. Gabrielle shook her head no. "Good." She turned to the weaponmaster. "See that she is bathed before you bring her to lunch." "Yes Captain." replied Pony. As Ephiny sauntered off she turned to the bard. "Ready for some grub Gabrielle?" The blonde chuckled. "Oh boy am I ever! I'm starved!" Eponin laughed heartily. "Alright, let's go then." She gestured ahead of herself. "After you." "Thank you." smiled Gabrielle as she headed off to the baths with Pony in tow. 'I really like it here...' thought the bard as they crossed the compound. 'I wonder if Xena wouldn't mind staying here for a little while...' *** "So it's a regular thing for women to partner with women here?" asked the bard between mouthfuls of stew. Eponin grinned broadly. "Yes Gabrielle. Although there are some amazons who do partner with men occasionally." She popped a carrot into her mouth as she scrutinized the princess. "That's interesting." replied the bard. Then a serious look came over her face. "Can you tell me about her?" Eponin stopped in mid chew. She looked up to find innocent green eyes looking at her. She managed to swallow her bite of stew and leaned back in her chair. "Alright." she sighed and her face softened momentarily. "Terreis was the most wonderful person I have ever met. She always believed in finding a person's good points, despite what you might see on the outside." She took a drink of cider before she continued. "She was everything to me...my friend, my confidante, my wife, my lover, my hero..." A tear slowly made its' way down Pony's cheek. "I loved her more than life itself." Her shoulders sagged and she slid a bit down in her chair. Gabrielle was crying right along with poor Pony, and went to sit next to her. Circling her arm around the weaponmaster's shoulder, she began to whisper comforting words. Eponin shifted in her chair and leaned into the embrace, beginning to sob uncontrollably into Gabrielle's shoulder. The bard held her till she felt the sobs begin to subside, pulling back a little to see if Pony was ok. Eponin looked up at her through puffy eyes. "I'm sorry Gabrielle..." The bard smiled warmly. "There's nothing to be sorry for...I'm just glad I could be here for you." Eponin smiled back. "Thank you." Her eyes caught a movement near the entrance to the hut. "Ah...there's Ephiny.." "Oh great!" huffed Gabrielle. "What?" inquired the weaponmaster. "Haven't you and ol Eph made friends yet?" Gabrielle shook her head. "Nope...she hates me!" Pony had to laugh at this one. "Hates you?" She laughed some more. "On the contrary Gabrielle! I have only seen her act like that towards one other person..." The bard in her couldn't resist asking the question, "Who?" "Delia." "Who is Delia?" asked the blonde leaning in closer to Eponin. "Delia was my consort." replied a voice from over her shoulder. Gabrielle jumped three feet in the air, so startled was she by Ephiny's voice. Chuckling to herself, Ephiny took a seat on the other side of Gabrielle. "Why were you talking about her?" Her gaze went from Gabrielle to Eponin and stopped there. Eponin's eyes cast down and Ephiny knew she had her culprit. "Pony...Spill it, or we will soon be finding out if the old saying of 'You can lead a horse to water' is true." Ephiny crossed her arms and waited for an answer. "Pony?" stated Gabrielle. "Did she just call you Pony?" She turned towards the weaponmaster and found her muttering silent curses at the captain behind her back. "Yeah, yeah...ol EPHIE here plastered that nickname on me when we were in training." Eponin grinned now that she had successfully turned the tables on her friend. "Ephie?" repeated Gabrielle. "She called you Ephie!" And with that the bard doubled over in laughter. Eponin and Ephiny looked at each other and nodded. Ephiny spoke.... "Excuse me...Gabby?" And now it was the two amazons who were doubled over in laughter while Gabrielle sat there with a stupefied and thoroughly hilarious look on her face. It took a moment for the bard to realize what had just happened here. She smiled. Then she giggled. Then she was laughing with them, and before long they were pointing and calling each other by their nicknames and laughing more. Eponin finally stood and said, "Sorry to break up this little party boss, but I got a staff lesson in a half candlemark." She cast a wink Garbrielle's way. Ephiny smiled. "You're excused Pony." and they were all giggling again as the weaponmaster left. The silence between the two grew quickly. Eph cleared her throat and smiled awkwardly at the bard next to her. Gabrielle smiled back and Ephiny felt something strange happen to her....she felt her dislike for this woman leaving her in a rush. She let it go, and felt it replaced with a warm glow down in her gut. She cleared her throat again. "My Princess, I was wondering..." Gabrielle cocked her head at the blonde. "Wondering what?" Eph was finding it real hard to get some actual words out at the moment, but somehow she did, "Um..." "Yes?" asked the bard, raising an eyebrow. "I-I was wondering if you might like a tour around our territory this afternoon?" The look on Gabrielle's face took on one of barely veiled suprise. "You want to show me around?" "Yes." replied Ephiny. "You personally?" she asked, a slight upward twitch to her smile. Eph gulped. "Um...yeah...if that's ok with you?" "I think that would be nice Ephiny. Ok." She stood and brushed a few stray crumbs from her skirt. "I'll see you after my lesson then?" She smiled as their eyes met. "I'll be there." She was entranced. "Until then..." replied the bard as she turned and walked slowly towards the door. Ephiny's gaze stayed upon Gabrielle until she left the hut, and she sat there wondering what had just happened. "I'm losing it." she snuffed into her drink. Taking three long gulps, she sat back in the chair and pondered the situation. Had she just made a date with Gabrielle? She honestly wasn't sure. She admitted that she did want it to be one though...but maybe Gabrielle wasn't like her! She snuffed into her drink again, chuckling at herself. What kind of idiot amazon was she anyways? She swirled the cider around in her mouth a bit as an image of the blonde bard came to her mind. She swallowed and smiled to herself. She was the idiot amazon who had a date with the princess, that's who she was! She pushed her chair back from the table, stood and headed towards her hut. "Well if it's a date, then I'd better go prepare for it." And the people who saw a happily whistling Amazon Captain crossing the square had to look twice, since they couldn't believe their eyes. :)

Ephiny stopped at the edge of the practice area, and watched Eponin put Gabrielle through a pretty tough kata routine. She raised her eyebrow as every single swipe from the weaponmaster was blocked and returned by the little blonde. The captain watched in amazement as Gabrielle improvised and reversed her motion, effectually taking Pony's legs out from under her. She stepped onto the field as Gabrielle was muttering apologies to her teacher and approached her. "Princess." Gabrielle had just stood up and was helping the scowling weaponmaster to her feet. Hearing Ephiny's voice, she turned to greet her....and was shocked at what she saw. The captain was in full uniform! Her armor shined in the bright sunlight, giving her an almost glowing aura to her already dynamic personality. She didn't even know about the smile that had made it's way onto her face. "Ephiny! Hi! I was wondering where you were!" Ephiny stopped before Gabrielle and bowed. "I had to be presentable if I am going to be escorting the princess." She stood and gave the bard a sly half-smile. Eponin chuckled and shook her head. "I think I'll just be heading on over to the bathing hut now." She said between giggles as she slipped away practically unnoticed. "Yeah...see you later Pony..." replied Ephiny, while waving to no one. Her eyes were firmly attached to some quite mesmerizing green ones at that moment. Suddenly she remembered why she was there, and shook her head to clear it out. Gabrielle couldn't take her eyes off those hazel ones either. She was now in firm belief that Eponin had been right, that Ephiny might really have a thing for her after all. 'Well let's just be sure...' she thought to herself. "So..." she said. Ephiny finally seemed to shake herself clear of her wayward thoughts as the bard's voice got through to her. "Ahem...yes. Um, I believe I was going to show you around our land?" she said, glancing around nervously. "Yes you were." replied the bard with a shy grin. "Shall we then?" Ephiny looked at the small blonde and smiled back. Holding out her arm to the bard she said, "With pleasure Gabrielle." Gabrielle slipped her arm through Ephiny's and they set out across the courtyard towards the city gates. ***

"So where did Xena go earlier?" inquired Ephiny as they trekked up a rise. Gabrielle glanced at her companion. "She went to have a talk with Tyldus." Ephiny's head whipped around in shock. "Tyldus?" she swallowed. "Is she crazy? He'll kill her on sight!" Gabrielle had to giggle at this. "Ephiny...when you hang around Xena as much as I have, you come to accept some things." She smiled. "One, if Xena says she'll be back, she'll be back. Two, if Xena says don't worry about her, you don't worry about her." The bard stopped walking and turned to her new friend. She leaned over as if in confidence and whispered..."But I've learned you just don't let her know you worry anyways." She grinned and started walking again. Ephiny's brow furled at this seemingly revealing information the bard had uttered. 'Hmmmm, she worries about that warrior huh?' She decided it was time to be a little more forward. "Speaking of Xena my Princess...." "What about her?" replied the bard, a bit surprised at this new turn in the conversation. Ephiny made sure there was a definite hint of innuendo in her next chosen words, "Might I inquire if I could be in any danger from her?" "Danger?" Gabrielle was a bit surprised. "From Xena?" "Yes." "Why would you be in danger from Xena?" She cocked her head a bit. Ephiny threw her arms up in the air. "Gabrielle! Are you kidding me? If I'm stepping on Xena's toes with you, you had better tell me now before I'm one dead amazon!" "Stepping on her toes?" Gabrielle's brow furrowed in thought. "OH!" She began giggling. Ephiny gave the bard a look of complete exasperation. "How can you laugh at something as serious as that?" Honestly, maybe she had the blonde pegged wrong all along! "I'm sorry..." replied the bard as her giggles died down. "I guess I just didn't expect that!" "Huh?" replied the captain. "Maybe I'm missing something here..." Ephiny looked directly into those green eyes. "Aren't you and Xena lovers?" Astonishment lit Gabrielle's face. Then she burst out laughing....so hard in fact that Ephiny thought the bard was going to bust a gut. "Wait...you're not?" "NO! No!" Gabrielle was trying to control her giggles while she spoke. "Whatever gave you that idea?" she asked, wiping her eyes. "It's not just my idea Gabrielle..." Ephiny shrugged. "Everyone thinks that. You travel together, you do everything together...and I myself have seen the way she looks at you when you aren't aware." With this the captain turned her eyes away. "She most certainly does not!" laughed the bard. "She doesn't even know I'm alive!" She looked over at her friend, and her tone became serious. "You, on the other hand, seem to see me." Ephiny let their eyes meet again, and she couldn't deny it anymore! She was a goner...a hopeless case....mere putty as she stood before this woman. "I see you Gabrielle." she said allowing her emotions give her voice. "I see you." She repeated as she took a step closer to the bard. Gabrielle had only a minute to realize that this was "it". She was finally going to know what it was like to kiss a woman! She had fantasized so many times about Xena kissing her, but the warrior had always ignored her advances, or pretended not to notice them. Now here was a beautiful amazon warrior standing before her, practically begging to do just that. "Kiss me Ephiny." "Are you sure?" whispered the captain as she moved closer, running her fingers along the bard's cheek. "Yes." she whispered back. Ephiny ran her fingers up along Gabrielle's neck and into the tangle of blonde locks that fell gracefully about her shoulders. She sighed. "You're so beautiful, Gabrielle." She ducked her head in to brush her lips across the bard's own. "Xena has to be crazy not to want you." Their lips met softly and Ephiny was surprised to find herself being kissed back so readily. Sparks seemed to jump between them, and she felt a long-forgotten fire begin to burn inside of her. She deepened the kiss, and the fire burned hotter. 'Oh my gods!' she thought as she let the feeling carry her. Air...air! Wait! She pulled back, and was surprised to hear an almost inaudible whimper from the bard. She couldn't speak....she couldn't move. "Well." said the bard. "That was certainly something Ephiny." She began to fan herself. "I thought this was the eve of the tenth moon cycle, not the seventh!" Ephiny ran her hand under the bard's chin. "It is." She smiled. "So you felt it too?" "Gods yes!" She wrapped her arms around Ephiny's waist and drew her close again. "It felt very good." The captain smiled. "So does this mean I get a second date?" Gabrielle slapped her companion in the stomach as she pushed her away. Looking up at the sky she proclaimed, "It's getting a bit late. We had better be making our way back Captain." She cast a sly smile Ephiny's way, turned, and headed back the way they had come. Ephiny just stood there for a second before she had to hurry to catch up to the bard. "Wait! Gabrielle! I do get a second date don't I?"

Gabrielle was jolted out of her musings at the sound of Ephiny's voice..."Huh? What was that Ephiny?" she turned her head towards the blonde as they walked.

Ephiny sighed. "I've only called your name three times now Gabrielle..." She chuckled. "Mind elsewhere?"

The bard shook her head. "Yes it was." A pause. "It was on that kiss."

"Really...hmm..." Replied her captain. "Does that mean I do get another date then?" She quickly crossed her fingers behind her back.

Gabrielle smiled wryly. "So this was a date then Ephiny?"

The blonde gulped audibly. Dropping her eyes, she replied..."Well I was hoping it was." She kicked a stone in the path and sent it skipping twenty feet ahead.

"Well then...." replied the bard as they reached the city gates. "That puts things in a whole different light then..."

Ephiny swallowed again. "Meaning?" she asked as they reached the door to Gabrielle's hut.

Gabrielle scrunched her eyebrows together, as if in deep thought. "Meaning..." she said softly, stepping closer to the captain. "That I can do this..." And she brought her lips to Ephiny's in a soft kiss. After a moment, she broke the contact and stepped back.

Ephiny's eyes were still closed. She chuckled. "Eph...hey..."

The blonde opened her eyes and blinked. "Wow." She blinked again. "Gabrielle, if you kiss me like that all the time we may have a scandal on our hands." She thumbed for Gabrielle to look over her shoulder, and when the bard did, she gasped. The whole courtyard was staring at them!

"Oh my gods!" Gabrielle gasped and turned three shades of crimson. She buried her embarrassment in Ephiny's shoulder and began to giggle uncontrollably. After a few moments, she got herself under control, and with a smile she gently kissed the blonde's cheek. "See you later Ephiny..."

"Definitely, Gabrielle." She gave the bard's arm a last squeeze and slowly began walking backwards away from her. "Goodbye for now..." She smiled, turned and strode away. The gathered crowd parted to let her through, and Ephiny heard the whispers begin as soon as she passed by. She chuckled to herself as she reached her own hut. Going inside, she walked over to her armor chest. Pulling out her tracking gear, she slipped out of her best and replaced it with the soft brown leathers she loved so much. "Time to go pay Calliopis a visit methinks..." She slipped her shoulderpiece over her head and fastened it securely. "OK Ephiny, now best you keep your mind on the job at hand!" she said out loud to herself. Chuckling, she left her hut and headed towards the jail, her every thought on a certain strawberry blonde bard...

***

Ephiny sighed as she strode through the forest on her way to the sight where Terreis was murdered. Her visit with Phantes only served to prove he didn't kill her Princess. Now she had to find out who did before an innocent person was punished for the crime, and Ephiny would not be able to live with herself if she let that happen. But she needed proof to convince her sisters....

"Well here I am. Where to start..." She noticed some dung on the ground and bent down to take a closer look. "Hmmmm...hay sprouts." She scrunched her eyebrows together. Her thoughts were interrupted by a figure moving nearly silently through the forest. She quickly lit into the nearest tree and made herself unnoticeable, waiting for the intruder to make themselves known. They came into view shortly...it was Xena! "What is that bitch doing here?" she thought. She watched as the Warrior Princess bent down at the same pile of dung she had taken a sample from, then watched her move slowly around the area. scanning the ground. Her foot slipped and it snapped a small twig..."Damn!" She cursed herself.

"I'm not here to play games Ephiny." said Xena. "Come out before you make me hurt you." Xena coiled up and leapt into the same tree Ephiny was in.

"Well it's now or never." thought the blonde as she dropped down onto the same limb Xena was perched upon. Pulling her shortsword, she faced off with the leather-clad warrior in front of her.

"Don't do this Ephiny," Growled Xena menacingly. "We're on the same side..."

Ephiny's eyes narrowed. "Well your reputation makes that a little hard to believe..." She twirled her sword, let out a war cry and charged the brunette.

Xena sighed as she parried two quick slashes and a thrust, let out her own warmcry and flipped over the blonde's head, landing neatly behind her. "Ephiny, stop...we have to talk..." She parried another slash, this one to her legs.

"I have nothing to say to you Xena!!" She thrust forward, intending to gut the warrior.

"Then I will have to MAKE you listen!" She parried yet again, twisted the blonde's sword up and out of her hand, flipped over her and landing behind her again gave the woman a swift shove in the rear with her boot. She watched sadly as Ephiny plummeted out of the tree, trying to grab a branch on the way down. She managed to, but just as quickly as she grabbed hold, it snapped and she fell with a hard jolt face first onto the forest floor below.

Turning over slowly, she was trying to get her bearings when a centaur came out of nowhere! He raised his sword in triumph as she tried to scramble away backwards. Just as the centaur was about to slice and dice her, Xena dropped down onto the animal's back and disarmed him. A bit shocked, Eph's hand closed around her crossbow, and quickly arming it, fired it straight at her enemy. She was shocked yet again when Xena caught her bolt out of mid-air...two inches from that bastard's chest even!

Xena jumped off the centaur and ran to Ephiny. "Come on!" she yelled.

Ephiny realized she had better move here and FAST, since the centaur had just found his sword. She took off after Xena, and was swooped into the trees before she knew it, Xena following. They watched as the centaur grunted in exasperation and galloped off.

As they dropped down out of the trees, Ephiny swallowed her pride. "Thank you." A nod was all she got in return. She decided to tell the warrior what she had found, since she saved her life and all that. "Um, Xena..."

"Yes?"

"I was checking the ground here for clues, and look what I found..." She lead the dark-haired warrior to the pile of manure. "See this?"

"Yes I did..." Xena smiled. "The hoof prints around it show these were horses, not centaurs that ambushed your princess. The weight is clearly on the back hooves, while centaurs carry their weight on their front hooves." She crossed her arms.

"Ummm yes, I suppose you’re right. But I was referring to the hay in the manure.....centaurs don't eat hay."

"Very true." stated Xena, a small grin edging the corner of her mouth. She was darn impressed with this small blonde Amazon warrior. "Well, we best be getting back, there isn't much time before the execution..."

"Indeed. Let's go then." said Ephiny.

***

"But I can't kill him!" Gabrielle had been trying to reason with Melosa for about a quarter candlemark by now. "Please, you have to understand!"

"There is nothing to understand Gabrielle. Terreis's dying breath made you her successor, and her avenger. You cannot dispute Amazon law." Melosa crossed her arms as she lowered herself into a chair at her writing table. She looked intently at this little blonde, who was her heir to the throne. Oh yes, she did understand Gabrielle's situation, but if she did not adhere to the laws, she would be questioned and possibly cast down from her throne. "Gabrielle, if you don't kill him, you will be considered a traitor and you will die right along with him."

"Gods!" gulped Gabrielle. "Isn't that a little harsh? What about instead, kitchen duty for a moon?"

"I'm sorry my Princess, but you have no choice in the matter. You either do it, or you die." She let her look soften for a moment as she rose and walked to stand in front of the bard. "If it makes you feel any better, I do understand, I just can't do anything about it." Sad green eyes looked up into hers, and she felt herself feeling absolutely guilty as Hades. But, she could not back down. "I'm sorry Gabrielle."

The blonde sighed softly. "It's ok. I guess I'll just have to do it then..." She frowned. Turning, she walked out of the Queen's hut to go prepare for the ceremony. It was almost dawn now, and her mind wondered where Xena was. "I hope you're safe." The thought then crossed her mind that she missed the warrior. What would she do if something dire happened to her friend? "Oh my...Xena come back soon. I'm beginning to worry." Would she ever see those sparkling blue eyes again? Wait.....sparkling? What made her think of that? She saw the eyes again, and the warm smile that always seemed to be just for her. "I can't leave her and stay here to be princess...I just can't!" She sighed. "They will have to understand...I hope." She reached her hut and went inside to clean up some, her thoughts firmly on a certain Warrior Princess.

The edge of Terreis's sword rested against the flesh over Phantes' heart. Gabrielle's hands and arms were trembling all the way up to her elbows with the strain this was having on her psyche.

"What's going on here?" came a low growl from behind the crowd. Said crowd parted to allow the Warrior Princess passage to the dais.

"We're executing a murderer Xena...I thought you knew that." Stated Melosa in a growl of her own as the raven haired warrior stepped forward.

"Thank the gods. Xena..." said Gabrielle under her breath as she lowered Terreis's sword.

"Phantes isn't the murderer." stated Xena matter-of-factly to the Amazon queen. Reaching into her belt pouch she pulled out a ball of something. "Here is the proof."

Gabrielle reached out and took the proffered mud ball and rolled it around in her hand.

"Take a look at that piece of dung from the ambush site..." she gestured at the clod the Bard was now bouncing in her hand. "It has hay in it. Centaurs don't eat hay Melosa."

Gabrielle's eyes widened in shock and she dropped the dungball in record time. "Thank you! Thank you very much!" She shook her hands free of any dung remnants. "Eww...ugh!"

Melosa's eyes grew narrow. "That doesn't prove anything Xena, only that a horse was there. Centaurs are smart animals, they wouldn't leave traces of themselves lying around to incriminate them!" She gestured to Gabrielle. "Kill him NOW."

Gabrielle's eyes implored Xena to help her. 'Gods be damned, how does she get herself into these things?' thought the warrior as her mind raced for a way to extract her bard from this situation with as little blood as possible. Her mind latched onto an old scroll she had read while in the company of Cyane and her tribe of northern Amazons. 'That's it!'

Xena straightened and settled her most imposing, arrogant, dangerous and deadly look onto the Queen. "Melosa!" She shouted over the murmuring crowd..."I demand the challenge!"

The Queen's head whipped around like a slingshot. She laughed. "You cannot make the challenge, you are not Amazon royalty!"

Xena's eyes went to the bard, praying Gabrielle would get the hint.

The bard caught the strange look from her friend and glanced a second time to make sure this was what Xena wanted her to do. A subtle nod of the warrior's head gave her the courage to speak up. "She's not, but I am. I demand the challenge!"

"You? Gabrielle, surely you don't want to fight me to the death!"

"Not really." Replied the bard.

Ephiny's voice cut above the excited throng's noise. "Gabrielle....choose your weapon. Or....choose your Champion..." She rolled her eyes in Xena's direction a few times to emphasize her point.

Realization dawned on the bard's face even as she shouted. "Xena! I choose Xena!"

Melosa couldn't help but smile at the lengths this warrior would go to in order to protect her friend's blood innocence. 'Admirable. A far cry from the Xena I once knew.' "A good choice Gabrielle." Turning to the warrior, "Choose the weapons."

Xena narrowed her eyes. "Chobos."

"Very well." Melosa turned to Epinon. "Get them now."

"Yes my Queen." Eponin bowed before hurrying off.

Gabrielle ran to Xena's side as the Queen prepared for battle. "Where have you been?? I was worried sick! You could have at least sent a messenger..."

"Not now Gabrielle." Xena cut the bard off in mid sentence. "Fight now, talk later. Ephiny!" The Captain appeared next to her. "Anything I need to know about her style?"

"Yes. Watch your knees, she likes low attacks, and most of all her right side is her blind side..."

"Right, thanks." replied the warrior.

Eponin walked up and presented Xena with her set of chobos. She tested their weight and ran through a quick kata with them. Satisfied these would be good enough she turned to face her adversary.

Gabrielle walked beside her as she moved forward into battle. "Remember...her blind side is her YEOOOOW!" howled the bard as she flew back from the warrior. As she walked past Ephiny, she said in a low voice..."If anything happens to me, get Gabrielle out of here." Ephiny shook her head ok and the battle began.

Gabrielle watched in awe as the battle moved onto a tower lookout post, and then back to the ground, each warrior seemingly having the advantage at different times. But then Melosa left her right side open and Xena battered her back with a flurry of kicks and punches to her midsection...finally landing the Queen flat on her back on the ground. The warrior launched herself into the air and landed on Melosa, pinning her shoulders to the ground with her knees. "Don't make this to the death Melosa..." she said, barely out of breath, "I need your help..."

The Queen's eyes softened in acceptance of her situation. She shook her head ok, and Xena stood up, offering her forearm to the former Queen. Melosa took it, and was raised effortlessly to her feet. They looked at each other for a moment, until someone yelled..."All hail the new Queen!" The village collectively bowed to one knee, and Melosa bowed her head. Gabrielle couldn't take her eyes off of Xena. Then she felt eyes on her from behind her. Turning, she saw Ephiny looking at her, and as their eyes met, the bard saw the single tear glistening on her cheek. 'This is not good,’ thought the bard. Her thoughts were interrupted by the army of Centaurs now paused at the gates to their village.

Again, Gabrielle watched as Xena expertly avoided confrontation by throwing down her weapons. The Amazons all did the same...so Gabrielle did too! She watched as the warrior disclosed the traitor and somehow managed to forge an alliance with the centaurs to fight their common enemy. She was in awe...Xena was...well...practically radiating power! The bard basked in this, and was swept away by the magnetism Xena emitted when she commanded. Before she knew it, she found herself armed, and cavorting wildly across the countryside in a chariot pulled by two centaur warriors. Ephiny put her hand on the bard's shoulder. "Gabrielle..."

She turned. "Yes, Ephiny?"

"I know this isn't the time or place to be discussing this, but...I need to know..." she swallowed hard. "We won't be having a second date will we?" She averted her eyes.

Gabrielle sighed. How to explain this? "I don't think it would be a good idea Eph." she said. "I'm not going to be staying..."

Ephiny let out the breath she had been inadvertently holding. "I thought as much." Her eyes tracked to the tall, dark-haired warrior in the chariot in front of them. "If she ever hurts you Gabrielle, I will kill her."

Gabrielle's eyebrows practically flew off her face. "What???" her mouth went agape for a moment. "You mean Xena?" Ephiny shook her head yes. "Eph! You have got to be kidding!" Ephiny shook her head no. "Come on! She has no interest in me!"

"I see the way you look at her Gabrielle. And I see the way she looks at you, when she doesn't think anyone else is looking." She sighed. "I can see it all over your face Gabrielle...you are in love with her whether you know it or not." She turned to face her Princess. "And far be it from me to expect you to ever look at me like that. I am happy as long as you are, my princess."

Now the bard was stymied. Was she in love with Xena? To be truthful, she wasn't sure at all what love felt like...allbeit she knew it wasn't love with Perdicus. She stole a long look at the figure in the chariot ahead of them. She took in the long, raven hair blowing in the wind, noticed the beautifully chiseled profile...the muscles tensing and rippling with adrenalin. "She's beautiful." said the bard into the wind. Ephiny just shook her head and they rode into battle in silence. 

***

It was a short battle, but then most battles are when the Warrior Princess is involved. She's just that damn good.

Gabrielle looked over her shoulder at Xena when the ceremony was over. "Xena..." she queried.

"Yes?" replied the warrior in that low tone that made the bard's stomach do flips.

"Does an Amazon Princess beat a Warrior Princess?" She looked again over her shoulder with a goofy grin on her face.

Xena leaned in close..."Do you really wanna find out?" A sly grin crept into her words.

Gabrielle gulped. Damn those blue eyes were just melting her! "Ummm..."

Xena grinned and leaned in even closer. "What's wrong Gabrielle...harpy got your tongue?" She turned the bard around to face her. Xena knew she was flirting with danger here, but her blonde friend had started it after all. She watched as Gabrielle continued to be rendered speechless by her intense gaze. She hadn't intended to let the blonde see how deep her feelings ran, but the moment was here whether she was ready or not. And right now, she couldn't stop it.

Now poor Gabrielle could think of nothing but how close Xena was to her, and her knees gave out from the intensity. Xena reached her arm around the bard's waist and caught her before she could reach the ground, Gabrielle's arms instinctively reaching out to hold on to her rescuer. She looked deeply into those twin pools of blue. "Xena..." she whispered.

Xena's free hand came up to gently brush the blonde's cheek. "Gabrielle..." She closed the distance between them and softly pressed her lips against the bard's. Gabrielle's hands slid up the back of Xena's neck to tangle in her hair, sending gooseflesh up her back. Too soon, they had to come up for air...

"By the Gods Xena..." whispered Gabrielle. "That was incredible."

"Yes it was." she replied as the bard settled her head onto the warrior's shoulder and hugged her.

"Let's not wait another two years to do it again, ok?" said the bard with a slight giggle.

"Ok." replied the warrior. Her eyes took in the horizon, and the setting sun. "We best get a move on if we're going to find a nice secluded place to camp for the evening bard." added Xena with a mischievous glint in her eye.

Gabrielle shook her head in vehement agreement. Grabbing the warrior by the wrist, she began propelling them through the shocked crowd at breakneck speed. "What's the record time for saddling a horse?" she asked as she practically dragged Xena towards the stables.

"I don't know, but I'm sure you're gonna break it..." replied Xena under her breath as the bard dragged her along. She laughed wholeheartedly for the first time in a long time, and decided this was good. It was a very, very good thing.

END