#been a fucked up past few days but it’s gonna be alright as long as I keep doing what I need to be doing

[gothboudreaux]

today i’m celebrating one year sober :) happy my heart can finally handle what my liver couldn’t <3 decided to treat myself a little bit and got some new bling !!! trying to make myself as unpalatable as possible <3 take a shot or a huge bong rip today in my honor, it’d mean the world to me <3 luv y’all infinitely <333

[chlorinecake]

𝐉𝐎𝐘𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐊 - a yjw oneshot 🕹️

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: a fun gaming session with your bsf leads to a night full of steamy shenanigans

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: gamer!roommate!jungwon x reader

𝐜𝐰: swearing, kissing, teasing, hickeys, y/n gets her boobies fondled, oral (f. & m. receiving), mentions of other enhypen members

𝐰𝐜: 3k | not proofread, written quickly

You sighed, “I wish more people in the world cared about Roblox… it saved my life, bro.”

“That was easily one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard you say.”

“What?”

“I said-”

“EVER! Wanna play COD Mobile instead?”

“Bruh, that game is so mid.”

You scoffed at his remark, bringing a flared hand to your chest. “I’m goated at COD mobile, averaging like 100 kills per match. People praise me for that.”

“Because it doesn’t take skill?” He made it sound like a question, when he was really making a statement.

“Mkay. I bet I’d still whoop your ass on console, but we don’t have to go there.”

A hint of ambition sparkled in his eyes at the challenge. “Oh yeah? And what are we betting here?”

“Hmm,” you thought for a moment, “If you win, I’ll fix you a victory snack.”

He nodded at the enticing offer, “And if you win? Which you won’t, but-”

“The bragging rights will be enough for me, but you could always fix the broken shower head in my bathroom so I can stop using yours,” you interrupted confidently.

Jungwon forgot all about how you broke your shower head last week. You told him it was an innocent mistake, but his mind obviously wandered to other places once you told him. By now though, he had already gotten used to sharing a bathroom with you, so he didn’t feel any urgency to repair it. Still and all, he understood how you might want your private space back. “Ok. Fair enough,” Jungwon agreed.

He handed you a controller, waiting for you to join him at the loading screen. Setting up your gear and choosing what weapon you wanted, the match eventually started. Needless to say, you didn’t stand a chance against Jungwon and his team of CPU’s, feeling sore from defeat.

A prideful smile waved over his features, showcasing his prominent dimples. “Sooo,” he began, “I would like your leftover Twix bar from the fridge cut up over two scoops of vanilla ice cream. Don’t forget the sprinkles.”

You pouted, handing him the overheating controller. “I’m not fixing you a damn thing. You probably cheated!”

His eyebrows raised, “First of all, cheating is for weenies. Second of all, a deals a deal!”

“Ugh, fine. I’m charging tips, by the way.”

“Not a chance, crook. Unless,” he caught your attention as you got up from the living room couch, “you wanna go for another round?”

“No, that’s alright. I think I'm gonna just watch you play the game for now. You could invite Heeseung, too, if you want.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. I’ll be back, okay? I gotta use the bathroom real quick.”

Walking into the bathroom, you closed the door behind you, taking off the bra that had been killing your back for the past 12 hours. You didn’t know where else to put it, so you hid it under Jungwon’s bathroom cabinet before leaving.

“When do you ever wanna play games with me? Are you with Riki or something?” Heeseung asked from the headset.

“No, I’m with ____. She needs some testosterone in her life and wants to watch us play I guess.”

“I can think of a few ways to help her with that,” Jungwon could hear the smirk in Heeseung’s voice.

“Shut the fuck up and join me already.”

“What? It’s not like you’ll ever have the balls to make a move on her, anyway,” Heeseung chuckled. “How long have you know her for again?”

“Since the first day of college.”

“Damn, and you’ve barely even grazed first base.”

“She’s still sacrificing her free time to hang out with me, so I don’t see the loss here?”

“Look, buddy. Your rizz needs an upgrade. These cute little gaming nights you have every weekend needs an upgrade. Your wardrobe needs an upgra-”

“I get it, asshole.”

You came back with the snack he requested, eliciting a dramatic applause from your goofy ahh friend.

“Your majesty,” you bowed playfully, placing the bowl of ice cream on the desk in front of him.

You filled in the space next to him, resting an elbow on the arm of the sofa, your nipples now on full display through your thin shirt.

“Are you cold,” Jungwon asked, eyes not quite meeting yours. You meant to reply, but he was already reaching his hand out to grope your chest, using a thumb to smooth out your hardened buds with his warm touch. You eyes widened in shock.

“Woah- mmm, n-no, I’m okay” you stuttered, Jungwon smirking at how flustered you appeared.

What the actual fuck was that!?, you thought to yourself.

He went back to casually talking with Heeseung again as if he didn’t just rub your nipples…

You usually enjoyed watching Jungwon play the game, but now, you couldn’t take your eyes off of Jungwon’s pretty hands. The way his delicate thumbs maneuvered the joystick of the controller sent your mind into a daze.

“Hold up, Hee, I’m gonna put you on mute for a sec,” Jungwon said, handing you his controller before mouthing the words “play for me” with a catty smirk. He adjusted his headset over your head, bringing a finger up to your seal your lips. “Shhh,” he warned.

You knew Heeseung wasn’t actually on mute because there was an open mic symbol on the corner of the screen.

What’s he up to now?, you wondered.

Kneeling between your legs with greed, Jungwon’s fingers tiptoed to the waistband of your shorts. He paused before asking, “is this okay?," and you simply nodded in response. He smiled, tugging your shorts and underwear past your hips, knees, and ankles, stuffing them under the sofa.

He gawked at your wetness, your lips swollen with need. Heeseung started the match, and that’s when Jungwon started taking kitten nips at the sensitive flesh between your thighs, leaving a few marks. He blew at your heat before finally using his fingers to explore your folds.

“Cute,” he must’ve noticed the way your pussy pulsed in anticipation. Attaching his lips to your throbbing clit, he sucked it into his mouth, alternating with his fingers when breaking for air. He hummed at your taste, adding to the pleasurable sensations.

You tried focusing on the game for Jungwon’s sake, but you couldn’t resist the urge to reach for a handful of his hair and gently grind against his face.

“You’re doing so good for me, baby, just stay focused,” he said in between slurping at your wetness that never sounded so foul til now.

Did he just call me baby?

He inserted a finger into your tight hole and started pumping in and out of you, curling up to stimulate your g-spot. You were struggling to keep your moans in, rolling your eyes to the back of your head as he finger-fucked you. He looked up, noticing that you had fully abandoned the controller. “Keep playing or I won’t let you finish,” he purred.

“Fuck,” you panted quietly, how do you expect me to do that?”

“Don’t make me repeat myself, ____.”

You picked up the controller and started playing again. Heeseung was now swearing over the mic like a madman. “Bro, you’re really not helping out our stats here by letting the enemy clap your cheeks,” he scolded, but you weren’t really paying attention to his voice anyway. Jungwon dove back into your heat, licking rough stripes against your clit as he inserted a second finger. “Mngh,“ you mumbled dizzily, clenching around him.

“What?” Heeseung asked confused, having heard your noise.

You reached to mute the headset, but Jungwon gave you a look that told you not to test him. You gave in, and succeeded in holding back your whimpers, but your heavy breathing continued.

“Dude, I’m literally never playing the game with you agai- HOW THE FUCK DID I JUST GET DIED?”

One last thrust of Jungwon’s fingers, and you were finally coming undone, shaking from the intense wave of pleasure that washed over you. Slender fingers glided in and out of your needy hole, his knuckles adding to the delightful stretch. The match ended shortly after you came down from your high.

Jungwon licked his fingers clean of you and swapped the controller back. “Sorry about that, hyung. I was eating and didn’t wanna disturb you,” he lied, readjusted the headset on himself.

“Well, I hope it was worth it. Our team forfeited on some elite rewards.”

“You’re welcome,” he teased, which you didn’t know if it was meant for you or Heeseung, because he leaned in to kiss your lips softly, before going in for another match.

Still feeling your orgasm fresh in your viens, you reached under the couch to grab your shorts and underwear, putting them on and getting up from the sofa.

“Hey, what’s up,” Jungwon asked while taking a spoonful of the half-melted sundae into his mouth.

“I-I’m just gonna shower... and maybe go to bed after.”

“Alright. Me and Hee are gonna play one more match and I’ll be in after you. Don’t take long!”

"Dude, you’re abandoning me already? I thoughtyou were gonna help me take these punks to skill-ville," Heeseung whined over the mic.

"You need to immediately repent for saying that," Jungwon cringed.

You made your way to his bathroom with a change of clothes, closing the door behind you.

You entered the shower, trying to wash off the growing heat between your legs and any dirty thoughts associated with your roommate. A few minutes in, you also decided to wash your hair as it had been a week since that last time you did.

That’s when you heard the door open and close, followed by the sounds of clothes being removed and tossed on the bathroom floor. You peeked from the shower curtain, only to find a naked Jungwon standing right there. He didn’t notice you looking, so you pushed the shower curtain back.

“The shower is occupied at the moment, Wonie!”

“I know,” he smirked, entering the shower from the opposite end as if this was yet another casual ordeal.

“May I,” he asked, pointing to the spot you were standing at in the shower. “Oh, sure” you replied, trying not to make things awkward. He reached for the bottle of shampoo and started lathering the honey scented product in his hair and skin. You tried to avoid taking anymore peeks at his toned body so you busied yourself with a loofa and cleansed your skin for what felt a hundred times. By now, you sat idly in the corner of the shower, with bubbles waiting to be rinsed from your body. “Here,” Jungwon motioned for you to return to your original spot. “Thanks,” you said. “Would’ve been nice if you said that earlier,” he poked.

Oh shit.

“Here, let me help you,” he offered, rinsing off the soapy suds that painting your shoulders and back. Somehow, this gesture relaxed you. “Now turn around for me.” You faced him with a chest covered in bubbles. He quickly rinsed your breasts before lowering the shower head to your private, adjusting the water pressure from low to medium.

You could hardly stand up straight from the pressure building up at your center. The throbbing sensation between your legs travelled up to your quivering lips. You moved a hand to cover your mouth, hiding your lewd sounds. Jungwon didn’t mind though, because your squirming is what excited him the most. “Hold still, ____,” he teased, putting the water pressure on high.

Bracing your balance with his free arm, his soft lips met your damp neck, nibbling at the skin. The sensation was so sweet that you finally let your moans out. Developing a mind of its own, your hand reached down to stroke Jungwon’s hardness, a lustful look staining his features.

He groaned into your ear, making you feel more than half crazy. You felt your climax creeping up on you as it became harder to stand up or keep still. Starting to pump him faster, both of you were now on the verge of bussing.

A little voice in your head slapped you back into reality.

This has to stop! He’s my roommate!

You turned the water off from the faucet on the wall, retreating your hand from his member as if it tased you. Grabbing a towel from the curtain rod and covering yourself, you left Jungwon alone in the bathroom.

You went to your room and started to dry yourself off. You couldn’t quite wrap your head around what was happening but a part of you liked it and another part knew it was inappropriate.

You just touched Jungwon’s dick, and yes, it felt really fucking nice, but the thought will likely haunt you til the day you die. He was a good friend of yours, and you didn’t wanna let fleeting feelings ruin it.

You put on the scented lotion from your nightstand followed by your clothes before plopping in your bed. You didn’t bother locking your door because you never had you to worry about Jungwon intruding your privacy. Or at least, that was before today.

You buried yourself under the covers before a trail of footsteps made their way from the bathroom to your bedroom door.

Creak.

The door opened and closed.

Click.

He locked it.

Walking over to your bed, Jungwon sat behind you.

“I know you’re awake, so stop pretending,” he whispered in your ear.

Annoyed, you threw the covers off your head, giving him an exhausted look.

“What do you want, Jungwon? Huh?”

“I could always just show you,” he said, flashing you the sluttiest eyes you’ve ever seen on a man.

“You could’ve waited for me to finish up in the shower before barging in like that.”

“No, I really couldn’t.”

“We’re roommates, Won! Hell, we’re friends!”

“And? What does that have to do with anything?”

“You can’t just fondle my tits whenever you want to, or eat me out on the couch when you’re bored, or join me in the shower because you’re impatient.”

You let that sink in for a moment.

“Did you not like it when I did those things to you? Did you not like the way I made you feel,” he inquired, inching closer towards you on the bed. “Because the way I remember it, you never told me to stop.”

The room fell so quiet that your heartbeat sounded loud.

He reached over to grip your thigh, leaning in for a kiss before shoving his tongue past your lips, but you pulled away.

“Jungwon stop!” You reprimanded, turning your head from him.

He grabbed your chin and proceeded to kiss you.

“Jungwon, I said stop...”

“I can tell you didn’t mean it.”

He continued kissing you, shoving his hand into you panties and going straight to your pussy, sliding his digits up and down your moist folds, sending an ache through your stomach.

“Fuck, baby, you’re so wet for me.”

He called you baby. Again!

He didn’t waste any time to rub circles around your sensitive bud, causing your hips to jerk toward him.

“Stop it!” You raised your voice, pushing him away by his throat. Your hand never looked so small til now.

“Then make me.”

“What?”

“You know I don’t like repeating myself, ____.”

Darkness waved over both your features as you pressed his back flush against the bed, reaching for his drawstring and pulling his sweat pants down. He wasn’t wearing any boxers, so his pink tip sprung up, clear fluid leaking from the tip.

You grabbed his dick, giving it a firm stroke before grazing your teeth down his shaft, eliciting the prettiest whimper you’d ever heard from his mouth. The texture of his veins ran against your tongue as you took half of him into your mouth, using your hand to stimulate the base.

Your head bounced up and down as Jungwon grew dangerously desperate. Tapping your cheek, he guided you off of him to take a breath. Cradling your head in his grasp, he slid you back down until your lips reached his pelvis. “Hollow your cheeks for me, and breath through your nose,” he guided before using your head to please him. Your eyes began to water as his tip hit the back of your throat, causing you to gag a few times, but he ignored it.

“I’m so close, baby, just keep taking me,” he nearly begged, chest heaving as he screwed his eyes shut, “Be a good girl for me, mmm,” he grunted, picking up the pace.

You were getting used to being called “baby” by now.

“F-fuck,” he whimpered, bursting his load into your mouth. He lifted your head from his throbbing heat, using a thumb to wipe the cum that dribbled from the corner of your mouth. You went back down to taste his release, only for him to guide your head away.

“Don’t eat that, ____,” he giggled, but you swiped a finger to collect some of his cum anyway.

“It’s only fair, Wonie. Now we’ve both tasted each other.”

You went to the bathroom to wash your hands, coming back with a few tissues to help clean him up. Something about this dirty moment seemed so pure. So right.

“Okay, I’m going to bed for real this time, see you tomorrow,” you smiled, getting under your covers.

“You don’t expect me to go back to my room, do you,” he asked, giving you a look.

“Well, tonight, I’ll let it slide, but if you end up breaking your bed, don’t expect visitation privileges.”

“Thank you,” he let out a breath, smiling as he snuggled under the covers beside you.

“Jungwon?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you think Heeseung has any idea about what we did?”

Ding.

Jungwon’s phone vibrated in his pocket:

Text Message from “Heenis” — Jake ditched me for a hoe 👍🥲 wanna call?

A mischievous smirk poked at the corners of Jungwon’s lips, “He can find out.”

“WONIE, IF YOU COME ANY CLOSER, I SWEAR YOU’RE SLEEPING IN YOUR OWN BED TONIGHT!”

❁ if y’all can’t tell already, i am dangerously jungwon biased…

❁ anyways, thanks for reading “Joystick” by @chlorinecake! be sure to check out more works by me on my enhypen bookshelf!

[taegularities]

heaven to you (teaser) | myg & jjk (m)

Summary: A casual hook up morphs into a fierce fever dream when roommates slash best friends Min Yoongi and Jeon Jungkook bring heaven and hell to you – all at once, in one single night.

➳ pairing: Yoongi x reader x Jungkook ➳ rating: 18+ ➳ genre: kind of fwb, threesome, college au; fluff, hella smut ➳ warnings: lmfao buckle up, there'll be quite a few warnings for this one :') yoongi and oc are fwb, teasing, flirting, kissing booth stuff, jk wears glasses and has long hair (manbun beloved), yoongi and jk are both so cocky :'), but so is oc, sexual tension, mid-sex convos, threesome ofc, dom yoongi n jk, explicit sexual content, such as double penetration, degradation, spit stuff, manhandling,.. (will expand on this once the full thing drops – but it's a whole lot 😄), they do some weird ass stuff during sex lol but it's such a fun piece, aftercare, valentino yoongi and ck jk!! THE ENDINGGGGG LMFAO ➳ est. wc: 12-15k 😁 1.5k for the teaser!! ➳ a/n: so :’) this had been in planning since? december? i knew i wanted to do a lil something for the milestone, but that lil something turned into… whatever demonic hell this is LOL. back to the ruin you days, i guess. am super excited for this to finally drop. gonna give y'all the best version of it possible, love you <3

MASTERLIST | WIPS | TAGLIST

No matter how fatigued you feel, you’re determined to see this thing through.

Today’s event might have tired you out, but Yoongi’s tongue was quick to bring you back into the land of the living. You’d never admit it to him, but no college responsibility could force you away from the sins he always offers to you.

And two rooms from here, he’s waiting to send you down that spiral again.

You shudder in excitement.

You lift your body off the toilet seat and wash your hands; one last glance into the mirror as you crack your joints. You’d put a gym session into tomorrow’s schedule, but tonight might just serve as exercise enough.

Deep breath in, you step out with strengthened enthusiasm. You brace yourself for whatever’s to come, but what you don’t expect is the presence awaiting you outside the bathroom.

Your fingers halt over the door handle; a light smile creeps upon your face when you see him leaning against the wall.

Eyes shift from bottom to top slowly.

He’s gorgeous. Sculpted and tall. One of his legs is angled, heel against the wall; so you see how thick and strong his thighs are even through his baggy joggers.

And you don’t think he had his hair in this damn bun before; it presses against the wall. Combined with the glasses on his nose, he emanates some type of… innocence.

But you know Jeon Jungkook. And he’s far from the purity you’re so foolishly perceiving right now.

His head moves when he registers your light steps, meeting your eyes so nonchalantly that you trash all prior thoughts of innocence once and for all. You don’t ask what he’s thinking or what he wants. You assume he was merely waiting for his turn to enter the loo.

Jungkook’s plans for tonight, different from yours, probably consist of taking a good shit, seeking a filling meal and drowning in a good night’s sleep. That’s what you think, at least.

But as you move across the hall and towards him, he doesn’t walk past you, doesn’t target the bathroom.

Instead, he keeps looking at you.

And something in his gaze suggests that he’s not quite done talking to you; something of the awkward conversation in the living room still remains. 

Yet, he doesn’t speak.

So, you do, “What?”

“Hm?” he voices, a head tilt suggesting surprise, but you know he’s fucking with you. “Nothing. Was gonna pee.”

“Right.” You don’t move from your spot yet. Fold your arms under your chest. His pupils flit down for a second and then up to your face again; weirdly proud, you press your tits up some more. “Then go.”

“Alright, boss,” he rolls his eyes at you, pushing past you with a light brush of your shoulders, “I’ll go.”

And he does. Doesn’t mean you trust him. So you remain and wait.

Wait a minute longer. When he comes out, you’re still standing there.

He doesn’t look surprised. Just trudges towards you with half damp hands in the pockets of his sweats, sly smile on a pretty face until you speak and it drops.

“Was that off putting to you? You really don’t want it?”

There’s a rapid upward movement of one of his eyebrows, and he feigns the confusion perfectly as he asks, “Want what?”

“To join us.”

He puffs out a mocking laugh. Looks to the side, enough for you to admire his chiselled features. A jaw as sharp as a razorblade. Mole on his neck. Wanna kiss.

Then, he asks, “You were actually serious? Like, you still are?”

“Do I look unserious to you?”

Your blinking is supposed to be cute, but he doesn’t fall for it. You clench your jaw; you know he doesn’t want to reject you. You see it in his movements.

So you try, “Or are you just not made for it?”

Which seems to trigger just the right amount of ego in him. Because he laughs again, forming a circle with his lips, and lets out a little, “Ohhh,” as though you’re challenging him. Which, in some ways…

Before you know it, his scent wafts towards you. Soapy, pleasant. He’s close enough to trap you — which, to your surprise, he suddenly does.

One arm on each side of your head, he closes in. Your head moves immediately, your gaze set on his colourful tattoos. When you look at him again, the infuriating, lopsided signature smirk makes your eyes roll — a coping mechanism in a situation like this.

You won't reveal that the sudden movement sent a shiver down your spine, or that you held your breath for a moment possibly long enough for him to notice.

So eye rolling it is, disguising the wavering self-control as annoyance when he explains, “This wouldn’t be my first time, babe. Yoongi and I don’t mind sharing.”

His breath is warm, minty. Did he chew gum before?

You gulp.

“But,” he continues, tilting his head; you nearly expect him to kiss you. But he doesn’t. “You’re not exactly the type of girl I usually fuck with.”

Not his type of girl, huh?

Rude.

“Why not?” you ask. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

He shrugs his shoulders.

You see your reflection in his glasses — so far, you seem composed. Though less when he says, “You like leaving people and things broken. You get bored fast.”

Ouch. You wish he was lying.

It’s not like you do it on purpose. People catch feelings fast — you don’t. You make your intentions clear; the times things broke weren’t because you intended them to.

But…

You’re surprised he knows about this at all. You know Jungkook isn’t one to do feelings either; Yoongi told you. Perhaps he’s divulged your philosophies, too.

“So do you,” you answer.

“You got bored of Yoongi really fucking fast, too.”

“Not true. I’m still here.”

“You are now. You haven’t been for quite a while, right?”

You silence. What the hell does he mean?

Bewildered, you stare at him; if he wasn’t surrounded by this odd mystery, you’d push him away again. But he wants to rile you up, and you know you can take a lot more than that.

When you don’t answer, he pulls away, tugging back one or two escaped hair strands. Your eyes follow as he secures them behind his left ear, adorned by two earrings.

But when he raises an eyebrow in question, you awaken again, assuring him that, “You don’t have to. Yoongi and I can just do our thing and you… I don’t know. Have a good night, I suppose.”

You nod once and then push your body off the wall, glad you’re not sandwiched between it and Jungkook anymore. But before you can escape into your friend’s bedroom, a strong hand pulls you back.

You gasp, not anticipating the bold grip, flashing a glare to the veins on the back of his hand as you ask, “What? Didn’t mock me enough or—”

“You won’t ask again?” he has the audacity to inquire.

“You can’t be serious,” you scold, eyes wide. You can’t get out of his hold, so you don’t try just yet. “I’m gonna go. He’s already lighting candles or whatever.”

Jungkook chuckles. “As if. He doesn’t do that shit.”

“True,” you admit, “well, but he is waiting for me. Was waiting for you, too.”

“For me, huh?”

His grin is dorky. The following pout even more so. Horny moods make him cocky, but you remember from every other time you saw him at their dorm how freaking annoying he was.

A likeable annoying, you must admit. Capable of sweet smiles and funny jokes and absolute dumbass behaviour.

Like now.

“Awwh. Man, I saw him just this morning,” he says, loosening his grip around your wrist, pushing his glasses up his nose. “I understand if you missed me, but he really didn’t have to.”

You grimace. “You’re an idiot.”

“Yeah. Just so you know, when you call someone an idiot, you—”

“Alright. I’m leaving.”

Which you do. With absolute confidence.

Throwing your hair back and moving your hips. But what you also do is look back once you’ve taken a couple steps, nodding into the general direction of the bedroom. 

Granting him a boost of confidence as you give into his wishes and ask again.

“Are you coming or?”

“Uhm—”

“Isn’t that why you wouldn’t let me go?” If he rejects you now, you’ll walk away. End of story. “Or why you’re looking at me like that.”

He doesn’t answer. Caught red-handed.

He seems to contemplate it. Is eyeing you carefully, amused beyond imagination. What a delightful expression.

One last time, he thinks aloud and says, “You’re acting badass now, but that will backfire. And you will burn yourself.”

“So what? Fire’s fun.”

“I’m just saying.” One more. “Tonight might be a little too much for you with the two of us, you know? I’m not as easy to handle as you think. ”

“I don’t think you are,” you confess. “But I don’t want to handle you. I want the opposite.”

No matter how tired you are, you will see this thing through. With or without him, you will take what Yoongi gives. Accept if Jungkook offers anything. And you think… you think he will.

There’s a glimmer in his eyes. A hint of desire, hunger growing in the predator’s big gaze. If he wants to reject you now, you’ll walk away.

But you don’t think he will.

And once more, courageous, you say, “Handle me, Jeon Jungkook.”

okayyy. this is one glimpse of the whole sin lol. yoongi is gonna have a way bigger role, this is just a jk centric scene!! they're both prominent a lot in every other scene and they're both menaces :')

please look forward to it!! it's gonna be a fun lil piece before we go back to our lil angst/fluff corner. and support by leaving a like, reblog and comment! anddd send me your thoughts, your enthusiasm is extremely encouraging!!

if you want to be on the taglist, here you go!! love you all <3

[thebearer]

what about reader coming to the restaurant before family cause she had a bad day and carmen was pissed off about something wrong that happened but when he sees you looking up at him pouting, his demeanor switches so fast

"Fuck, Richie, can you quit fuckin' with me!" Carmen roars, slinging the bowl with a hard shove.

"Cousin, I'm not doin' shit to you, alright?" Richie seethes, rolling his eyes as the other chefs- the new hires- avoid eye contact. Carmen doesn't act erratically often, tried not to for his reputation's sake, but today was a bad day.

"Hey, cousin, you need to chill the fuck out, alright? Get it out of your fuckin' system now before dinner rush because those people," Richie pointed through the window, where there was an empty dining room- for now. It would be filled by six o'clock. "Will fuckin' see you actin' like a jagoff."

"I wouldn't act like a fuckin' jagoff if you would do what I fuckin' ask you to!" Carmen roared, eyes bulging and vein by his neck protruding.

"Hey, relax, alright." Richie grit, breathing deeply out his nose. "Go fuckin' take a break. We got it. Go see your girl or somethin'. Get that stress out, for fucksake."

"The fuck are you talkin' about-"

"Your girl has been in your office for this past twenty minutes while you were actin' like a moron." Richie snapped, Carmen's demeanor suddenly faltering. "Yeah, get embarrassed, cousin. She heard all that shit."

"Just- shut the fuck up, alright? Fuck you." Carmen huffed, stomping towards the office.

"Don't fuck me. Go fuck her. Get some of that fuckin' attitude out, holy shit." Richie snarled, rolling his eyes.

Carmen ignored him, walking through the door of the office. You sat at his desk, mindlessly scrolling though your phone, barely looking up when he walked in. "I swear to God, Richie's a fuckin' pain in my ass." Carmen started in, ignoring your solemn expression. "Fuckin' wise ass. Thinks he knows fuckin' everything, and you know what? He- What's the matter with you?" Carmen stopped his ranting and pacing, skidding to a stop to look at you. Your sad eyes and long face.

"Nothin'." You muttered, looking up at Carmen gently. "What did Richie do?"

Carmen shook his head, sitting on the desk in front of you. "Not important. Tell me what's wrong, hm? What's goin' on?"

You faltered for a moment, deciding to shake your head and ignore your emotions. "It's nothing, Carm-"

"-You're lyin' to me." Not a question, a fact. Carmen's raised brow to you that. "Why are you lyin' to me?"

"I'm not, it's just..." The shaky breath you took in, a strangled, watery gasp had Carmen's heart lurching. "I just had a really bad day." You hated the way your voice cracked, wobbling and wavering with emotions. You'd cried all the way here, the freshness of the tears coming back to you again, flooding your waterline.

"What happened, baby?" Carmen's tone dropped into a coo, a soothing balm over your teary demeanor.

"It's just... I don't know, I felt like I couldn't get anything right today, and-and I just... I'm really tired." You admitted with a small quake in your tone. "I just want this day to be over."

"Did someone say something to you?" You'd bitched a few times about a coworker making off handed remarks to you, and Carmen was more than happy to say something to him. He didn't mind at all, insisted on it, in fact.

"No, it wasn't Toby." You rolled your eyes at the mention of him. "He wasn't bad today, actually, which made it worse. I just, I don't know, my mind was all over the place today and I-I'm just stressed."

"I'm sorry, baby." Carmen rasped, hand on yours, rubbing his thumb across your knuckles.

"It's ok." You pouted, exhaling deeply. "I just want to go home and not have another fucking thought for the rest of the day.

"Wish I could help you with that." Carmen grinned, playfully, proud to see that you smirked, shaking your head at him. "'m serious. You need me to do anything?"

"No." You shook your head. "I'm starving, so I'm gonna eat and then go home. Sit in the bath until I dissolve." You grin lightly up at him.

Carmen smiled, leaning over to kiss you sweetly, hands cupping your face, tasting the saltiness of your tears still lingering on your lips. "Are you hungry now? I can get you somethin' to eat real quick, baby. What do you want?"

"No, Carmy, I'll be alright-"

"Hey, Marcus," Carmen was sticking his head out already. "You got any focaccia ready?"

"Yes, Chef, I have a few prepped-"

"-Gimme one, please. Thanks, Marcus." Carmen nodded, taking the bread, and passing it over to you.

You frowned at him. "I was fine, Carmy. Could've waited until family." You pouted, but you were already tearing the bread basket open, mouth watering at the sight.

Carmen grinned. "I know, but I don't want you to go hungry. Had to taste tonight anyways. Tell me what you think." He muttered, watching you tear off a piece.

[myscenic]

Pairing: na jaemin x male reader

Genre: college au, smut

Warnings: top!jaemin btm!reader, jaemin is a jerk lol, swearing, protected sex, using a vibrator, public sex

Word Count: 3.9k

Synopsis: jaemin has been annoying y/n non stop for the past few months since they became roommates. one day, jaemin came up to y/n and asked him to play a game, if y/n wins, he's not gonna bother him anymore, if he wins y/n has to do anything he say.

🃁 Note: i had this idea for months and now I'm writing it. kinda not proofread cuz i wrote it in one go so there might be some mistakes, hope u don't mind :)

y/n sighed as he closed his locker. it had only been two months into his first year of college and he was already exhausted. his roommate jaemin was much too hyper and social for y/n's liking. while most found jaemin's constant cheerful attitude endearing, y/n found it extremely draining.

all he wanted was some peace and quiet to study, but it seemed like jaemin was always barging into their dorm room with his loud friends in tow. they would play music, laugh loudly, and generally disrupt y/n's studying. he had tried talking to jaemin about respecting his study time but it never seemed to stick.

it was just morning but y/n felt that he already had a long day. he just wanted to go back to his dorm and rest on his bed with his headphones on. but he couldn't because he still had five classes left until school is out.

y/n was about to walk and get to the history classroom but he saw someone coming up to him, of course it was jaemin. y/n internally groaned, preparing for yet another annoying interruption. as he walked passed, jaemin skipped in front of him, blocking his path.

"yah, y/n! don't leave so fast," jaemin said, still beaming.

y/n sighed, "what do you want?"

"aww don't be like that, i just wanted to walk with you." jaemin pouted.

against his better judgement, y/n found himself pausing. "fine, but make it quick."

“let's play a game!” jaemin said.

“I don't have time for games jaemin." y/n rolled his eyes.

“please!!!!” jaemin begged while shaking y/n.

“fine! you're so annoying.” y/n stopped jaemin

jaemin's grin widened. "we'll play rock paper scissors. best two out of three. if you win, i'll leave you alone to study in peace from now on. but if i win..." he trailed off mysteriously.

“if you win, i'll have to do anything you say?" y/n finished for him with a sigh.

he knew accepting such an open ended condition was risky with jaemin, but part of him was desperate for some quiet study time free of interruptions. it was worth the gamble if it meant finally having the dorm to himself.

"alright, you're on." y/n stuck out his fist. "rock, paper, scissors, shoot!"

their fists blurred as they each threw their choice. y/n's paper smashed jaemin's rock. "one for me," y/n said triumphantly.

jaemin pouted briefly before regaining his grin. "lucky shot. don't get too comfortable yet!"

they played again, this time jaemin throwing scissors to slice through y/n's paper. "tie!"

y/n studied jaemin's face, trying to anticipate his move. but jaemin's expression gave nothing away. they counted down together and revealed their final choices.

to y/n's dismay, jaemin's rock beat his scissors. "looks like i win," Jaemin sang, throwing an arm back around y/n's shoulders.

y/n sighed in defeat. "alright, you got me. i have to do what you say for winning the bet. just nothing too crazy, okay?"

jaemin's smirk grew wider as he pulled something out of his pocket. y/n's eyes widened in shock as he realized what it was - a vibrator. his was stunned.

jaemin's voice dripped with innocence as he held the vibrator up. "put this inside you for a day!" he said, his words laced with a sinister undertone.

y/n's face flushed with anger. "no fucking way i'm doing that, you perv!" he spat.

jaemin's grin only widened. "oh come on, y/n," he taunted. "you made a promise, didn't you? and you know what happens when you lose a bet."

y/n clenched his fists, his frustration boiling over. he couldn't believe he had fallen into jaemin's trap.

"fine," y/n muttered under his breath, his voice laced with irritation. "i’ll do it, but don't think i’m enjoying this."

jaemin's eyes widened in surprise. "well, well, y/n," he chuckled. "looks like you finally came to your senses."

y/n shot him a glare, his eyebrows knitted together in defiance. "don't get too comfortable," he warned, his voice dripping with venom. "this doesn't mean you've won."

with those words hanging in the air, y/n slammed the bathroom door shut, his heart pounding in his chest. he couldn't believe he was actually going through with this, but he had made a promise, and as much as it pained him, he intended to keep it.

inside the bathroom, y/n took a deep breath, trying to steady his racing heart and calm his nerves. he regarded the vibrator in his hand, his thoughts consumed by a mix of trepidation and a stubborn determination not to let jaemin have the satisfaction of breaking him.

he unzipped his jeans, the sound echoing through the quiet bathroom, and with a mixture of hesitation and resignation, pulled them down, exposing his legs. the room felt suffocating, the air heavy with a sense of anticipation and discomfort.

he found himself unable to tear his gaze away from the vibrator, its sleek, smooth surface glinting under the harsh bathroom lights.

as he positioned himself on the edge of the cold porcelain sink, y/n's thoughts raced, a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. he couldn't deny the tingling sensation that coursed through his body, a strange mix of apprehension and curiosity.

with a trembling hand, y/n brought the vibrator closer to his exposed entrance, his breath hitching in his throat. the room seemed to grow quieter, the sound of his own heartbeat filling his ears. he closed his eyes, trying to drown out the world around him.

and then, with a mix of determination and resignation, y/n slowly inserted the vibrator, his body tensing as it filled him. the feeling was strange and weird.

y/n's face flushed with a mix of embarrassment and arousal as he let out a shaky breath, his mind clouded with a mix of conflicting emotions. he couldn't help but wonder what jaemin's reaction would be, how he would gloat and revel in his victory.

y/n's heart sank as he walked into his class, only to find jaemin smirking and waving at him from the back seats. his eyes narrowed in frustration as jaemin signaled for him to come and sit with him. the classroom seemed to shrink in size, trapping y/n in an uncomfortable tension.

reluctantly, y/n made his way towards jaemin, his steps heavy with resentment. as he approached, he couldn't help but notice the empty seats around them. it seemed luck was on their side, as no one else had chosen to sit in such close proximity.

jaemin's smirk widened as y/n took the seat beside him, their isolation heightening the intensity of their encounter. the atmosphere grew thick with an unspoken challenge as the rest of the class carried on, oblivious to the power dynamics unfolding at the back.

with a low chuckle, jaemin leaned closer to y/n, his voice dripping with mischief. "well, well, look who decided to join me," he taunted, his eyes glinting with a mixture of amusement and dominance. "i hope you're ready for a little private session, y/n."

the class carried on with an unexpected peace, and y/n couldn't help but feel a sense of unease settle over him. jaemin, usually relentless in his torment, seemed strangely quiet and focused on his own work. it was an unsettling calm that sent shivers down y/n's spine.

just as y/n began to relax into the illusion of safety, the professor's voice broke through the silence, calling on y/n to answer a question. his heart skipped a beat, realizing that he was about to be thrust into the spotlight.

with a determined resolve, y/n stood up, ready to showcase his knowledge to the class. but as he did, he felt an unexpected vibration inside his body. his body tensed, a wave of pleasure coursing through him. he quickly covered it up with a well timed cough, trying to mask the sensations that threatened to overwhelm him.

his eyes shot daggers at jaemin, who sat beside him with a devious smirk on his face. it was clear that jaemin did this, using the remote to prank y/n in front of the entire class. the audacity of it all infuriated y/n, but jaemin's innocent expression only added fuel to the fire.

y/n's glare intensified, the mix of pleasure and anger warring within him. he was determined not to let jaemin's games break him. with a deep breath, he regained his composure and focused on the question at hand, determined to answer it flawlessly despite the distracting vibrations.

as y/n opened his mouth to speak, he could feel the vibrations intensify, threatening to disrupt his concentration. but he refused to let it deter him. with a steely gaze, he locked eyes with the professor, his voice steady and confident as he delivered his answer.

the classroom seemed to hold its breath, the tension palpable as y/n powered through the unwanted sensations. he wouldn't give jaemin the satisfaction of seeing him falter. not this time.

y/n's legs trembled uncontrollably, the persistent vibrations from the hidden vibrator wreaking havoc on his concentration. it became increasingly difficult to string together coherent thoughts, let alone answer the professor's question with clarity.

as the struggle intensified, the professor's concerned voice cut through the haze. "y/n, are you feeling alright?" the professor inquired, genuine worry etched on their face.

y/n's mind raced, desperately searching for an excuse to escape this torment. in a moment of desperation, he feigned illness, hoping to gain some respite. "i... i'm feeling kind of sick," he stammered, his voice strained.

professor xu's expression softened, concern evident in her eyes. "oh, i'm sorry to hear that. please, have a seat and take care of yourself," the professor responded with genuine care and compassion.

jaemin's chuckle quietly.

summoning every ounce of courage, y/n mustered the strength to ask the professor for permission to go to the bathroom. it was his only chance at escaping the relentless vibrations and regaining control over his own body.

"professor xu, may i be excused to use the restroom?" y/n requested, his voice strained but determined.

the professor nodded sympathetically, granting y/n's request. "of course, y/n. take your time and feel better," she replied, her caring tone contrasting sharply with jaemin's gleeful laughter.

y/n rose from his seat, his legs still trembling from the lingering effects of the vibrator. with a mix of frustration and relief, he made his way out of the classroom, determined to regain his composure and come up with a plan to turn the tables on jaemin.

as y/n entered the bathroom, a wave of relief washed over him. at least here, he could finally escape jaemin. the empty stalls beckoned to him, promising a momentary reprieve from jaemin's stupid little games.

but just as he was about to step inside to a stall and finally take out the vinrator, the sound of the bathroom door swinging open shattered his hopes. his eyes widened in disbelief as jaemin sauntered into the room, a wicked grin playing across his lips.

y/n’s breath caught in his throat, his body freezing in place. how could jaemin always manage to ruin even the smallest moments of respite?

jaemin's eyes gleamed with malicious intent as he locked gazes with y/n. "well, well, well," he sneered. "looks like you were trying to escape, huh?"

y/n's jaw clenched as he fought to maintain his composure. he refused to let Jaemin see how much he was affected by these games. "what do you want?" y/n spat.

jaemin's grinned, his gaze roaming over y/n's trembling form. "oh, just thought i'd join you for a little bathroom break," he taunted, taking deliberate steps closer to y/n. "after all, it's much more fun to watch you squirm in person."

y/n's frustration reached its boiling point as he mustered the strength to confront Jaemin. "stop this, you jerk!" he exclaimed, “you’re gonna be so fucking dead after this.”

jaemin's eyes narrowed, relishing in y/n's display of defiance. he responded. "oh, you want me to turn it up? sure thing!" he taunted, his fingers swiftly adjusting the remote to its highest level.

the sudden surge of intensity overwhelmed y/n, his body convulsing uncontrollably as waves of pleasure crashed over him. his resistance crumbled, and he couldn't hold back any longer. with a shuddering moan, he came, collapsing onto the cold bathroom floor, his body trembling in the aftermath.

y/n struggled to form coherent words, his voice strained and shaky. "y-you... bitch..." he managed to gasp, his breath ragged as he fought to regain his composure.

jaemin's laughter echoed through the bathroom, his amusement evident as he took in the sight of y/n's wet pants.

jaemin's laughter subsided as he saw the defeated state of y/n before him. with a smug smirk, he decided to grant y/n a brief respite. "alright, alright, fine," he sneered, turning off the vibrator.

y/n's body trembled as he lay on the floor, his breathing slowly returning to normal. the intense pleasure had left him drained and vulnerable. he mustered the strength to raise his gaze to meet jaemin's mocking eyes.

"you son of a bitch you almost made me cum during class!" y/n hissed.

jaemin's grin faltered for a moment, his dominant facade momentarily shaken by y/n's unexpected resistance. he chuckled softly, his tone dripping with condescension. "oh, how amusing," he replied, his voice filled with false sympathy. "i should’ve turned it higher then."

jaemin's sadistic smirk remained intact as he extended a hand to help y/n up from the cold bathroom floor. y/n, still reeling from the intense pleasure and the rush of conflicting emotions, hesitantly accepted the gesture, unaware of what jaemin had in store for him.

as y/n thought the torture was finally over, jaemin pulled him into one of the stalls. confusion washed over y/n. before he could voice his confusion, jaemin's voice dripped with anticipation and mischief. "i’m not done having fun yet," he teased, relishing in y/n's bewilderment.

y/n's eyes widened. "no way you're doing it here!" he protested, his words laced with anger and desperation.

jaemin's chuckled. "but y/n, you seem to have forgotten," he taunted. "you lost, remember? and when you lose, you have no say."

y/n's mind raced, searching for any shred of control he could hold onto. he mustered his courage and shot back. "at least not in public, you bastard!" he spat.

jaemin's smirk deepened, his confidence unwavering. "ohh~ so you mean we can do it in our dorms, huh?" he mused. he leaned in closer, his hot breath grazing y/n's ear, his smirk sending shivers down y/n's spine. "well, too bad. you made me so fucking hard and i’m gonna fuck you now."

“strip.”

y/n did as jaemin commanded him to strip. with a heavy sigh, y/n reluctantly began to remove his clothes, piece by piece.

his face flushed with humiliation as each garment fell to the floor, leaving him exposed and vulnerable in front of his tormentor. the sound of fabric hitting the ground echoed in the confined space of the bathroom stall, intensifying the rawness of the moment.

jaemin watched with a predatory gaze. he savored every inch of y/n's body, his eyes lingering on y/n's exposed skin, his attention fixated on the curves and contours that adorned y/n's form.

y/n's heart pounded in his chest as he stood before jaemin, completely naked.

jaemin's voice took on a new tone as he uttered the unexpected words, "damn, you look beautiful..." the shift in his demeanor caught y/n off guard, momentarily confusing him amidst the whirlwind of emotions. he couldn't help but blush at the unexpected compliment, his cheeks turning a shade of crimson.

as jaemin's fingers grazed against y/n's exposed skin, a surprising tenderness accompanied his touch. the gentle caress sent shivers down y/n's spine. the softness of jaemin's touch seemed comforting.

y/n's blush deepened as he felt the warmth of jaemin's hand explore his body with surprising delicacy. fingertips traced lightly along y/n's curves.

a surge of surprise coursed through y/n as jaemin swiftly stripped off his own clothes, revealing his throbbing, erect cock. y/n's eyes widened, unable to tear his gaze away from the sight before him.

y/n couldn't help but let out a mumbled curse under his breath, the word "jerk" slipping past his lips. jaemin's grinned at y/n's reaction, clearly relishing in his power over him. "oh, y/n, i know you're secretly enjoying this too," he chuckled, his voice dripping with amusement. "look at your cock, it's betraying you," he taunted.

y/n's face flushed even deeper, his embarrassment mingling with a hint of reluctant pleasure. he averted his gaze, his voice trembling slightly as he spoke. "shut up and just do it already," he muttered.

jaemin's licked his lips. "alright~," he replied. jaemin took a condom packet out of his pants’ pocket. he wrapped the condom around his cock and closed the distance between them, his hand firmly gripping his own pulsating cock. the air crackled with tension as he positioned himself, ready to take what he desired.

as jaemin entered y/n, a sharp gasp escaped y/n's lips, immediately followed by a loud, unabashed moan. the sensation of jaemin filling him sent waves of pleasure coursing through his body.

jaemin smirked. "you wouldn't want to get caught, would you?" he teased, his words laced with a twisted sense of control. "be quiet," he said coldly.

y/n's moans transformed into stifled whimpers as he desperately tried to comply with jaemin's demand. the struggle to keep his voice at a hushed level only heightened the intensity of the experience, pushing y/n to the edge of his limits.

with each forceful thrust, jaemin expertly hit y/n's sweet spot. y/n's mind was consumed by the overwhelming sensation, he wanted to moan out loud. yet, he fought against it, struggling to maintain the facade of silence as jaemin's relentless teasing continued.

jaemin, noticing y/n's internal struggle, couldn't resist taunting him further. his voice dripped with cruel amusement as he whispered, his breath hot against y/n's ear, "i can see how badly you want to scream, to let evyerine know how good you’re taking my cock. but you know what happens if you do, don't you?" the threat laced within his words only fueled y/n's inner battle.

y/n's body quivered with the desperate need to release his pent-up moans, the pleasure building to an almost unbearable peak. jaemin keep stroking his cock, pushing him closer to the edge, the pressure mounting with every electrifying sensation. y/n's mouth opened slightly, a suppressed whimper escaping, but he quickly clamped his lips shut, stifling the sound.

as jaemin's thrusts became sloppy, his control slipping away, both he and y/n could feel the impending release drawing near. the intensity of their connection grew with each erratic movement, pushing them both closer to the edge of climax.

"i'm so close, y/n," jaemin gasped. a wicked smile playing on his lips. "let's cum together, yeah?" he suggested.

y/n, overwhelmed by the pleasure coursing through his body, could only manage a nod in response. his mind was consumed by the impending release.

jaemin's thrusts became more erratic, his grip on y/n's hips tightening as he approached the edge.

with a final, powerful thrust, jaemin let out a moan, his body convulsing as he spilled his hot seed deep into the condom. y/n could feel the wariness of jaemin’s cum. his body trembling as he released his own pleasure, their moans blending together.

both y/n and jaemin were left breathless, their bodies entangled in the aftermath of their intense release. their gazes locked, satisfaction and connection shining in their eyes.

as the waves of pleasure gradually subsided, y/n and jaemin were left panting, their bodies still intertwined, basking in the aftermath of their intense release. the room was filled with heavy breathing and the scent of sex lingering in the air.

jaemin slowly pulled out, a satisfied smirk playing on his lips as he admired the sight of his cum fully filling the condom. with a mischievous glint in his eyes, he held up the condom, examining the milky contents within.

"look at all that cum," jaemin said with a hint of pride in his voice. he brought the condom closer to y/n's face, teasingly waving it in front of him. "see what you made me do? you made me cum so fucking hard."

y/n's cheeks flushed of embarrassment and arousal as he glanced at the evidence of their passionate encounter.

jaemin chuckled softly. "you loved it, didn't you? feeling me empty myself inside you.”

y/n's breath hitched at jaemin's words, a shiver running down his spine. his gaze remained fixed on the condom, the explicit reminder of the pleasure they had indulged in together.

jaemin continued to tease y/n. he leaned close to y/n's ear.

"it's such a pity that i can't fill my seed inside of you," jaemin whispered.

y/n's blushed. he mustered up the courage to respond, feeling embarrassed.

"shut up!" y/n snapped, “you’re lucky this time…”

"oh, feisty, aren't we?" jaemin chuckled. "but we both know deep down that you love it~"

y/n stumbled over his words, his voice coming out in a soft, stuttering tone.

"w-whatever," y/n managed to say, his voice quivering. "we still have classes... we should... we should get dressed and go."

jaemin's smirk softened slightly, his eyes flickered at y/n's flustered state.

"fine, fine," jaemin said boringly.

jaemin, still wearing a satisfied grin, helped y/n gather their clothes scattered around the room. with gentle hands, he guided y/n into his clothes, taking extra care to ensure he was properly dressed. as y/n slipped on his pants, jaemin's eyes lingered on the damp spot between his legs, a reminder of their recent intimate escapade.

noticing y/n's wet pants, jaemin couldn't resist a teasing remark. he grabbed his jacket, wrapping it around y/n's waist. his touch was lingering, his fingers brushing against y/n's skin as he secured the jacket.

"i don't think anyone would want to see your wet pants," jaemin teased. his playful taunting earned him a soft hit from y/n, accompanied by a deeper blush that spread across his cheeks.

“i hate you..” y/n muttered.

with a final chuckle, jaemin left the bathroom, leaving y/n alone to gather his thoughts and finish getting ready for his classes. as the door closed, the room fell into a momentary silence, giving y/n a chance to reflect on the encounter they had just shared.

hours later, the final bell rang, signaling the end of the school day. jaemin spotted y/n walking towards the dorms, and he quickened his pace to catch up with him.

“hey, wait for me!” jaemin shouted.

once they reached the dorm together, y/n wasted no time. he grabbed jaemin's hands and led him straight to his bedroom. jaemin was confused.

without hesitation, y/n pushed jaemin onto the bed, pinning his hands on the bedsheet. a smirk danced across his lips as he leaned in.

"i think we have some unfinished business to attend to, don't you think?"

[tasteleeknow]

— push, pull

pairing: chan x fem!reader genre: smut, angst, fluff, established relationship. content: 18+ minors dni. warnings below cut. word count: 3.1k

a/n: specific is good, helps me figure out what you want! hope this is somewhat what you were looking for! i went maybe a bit heavy on the angst lmao also sorry for being so late, couldn’t post for a few weeks.

afab!reader. body image themes [general insecurity, no mention of weight]. unprotected intercourse [grinding, desperate!chan, creampie, overstimulation].

Your boyfriend was much clingier than you, physical touch was just how he expressed affection. You loved hugs and soft touches just as much as the next person, until you didn’t. There were times you couldn’t stand it. You’d spiralled a few weeks ago after a friend had sent you a terrible photo of yourself. Sometimes that was all it took. You’d throw yourself into your work to distract from the suffocating feeling of wanting to crawl out of your own skin. It would usually pass after a while, dissipating into a sort of neutral acceptance of the body you inhabited. But this one? You hadn’t had an episode this bad in a long time. Years.

Chan had hardly tried to touch you at all the past few days. It was such unusual behaviour it had snapped you out of the hyper focused haze you’d been in. The past few weeks had flown by—you'd been so focused on work and nothing else. You knew you’d been brushing him off and you hadn’t initiated sex at all, he had to have noticed—even if he hadn’t said anything. 

You were attempting to make a meal—one way out of your skill level—before he got home from work. It wasn’t much of an apology, but you were embarrassed. Too embarrassed to just sit down and just admit why you’d been acting off. What would you say? ‘Sorry, I’ve been totally closed off and weird because I saw a bad photo of myself and instantly spiralled into such a deep pit, that the idea of anyone touching me makes my skin crawl.’ It made you feel ridiculous. You’re so deep in thought the sound of the front door unlocking makes you jump, spilling liquid from the measuring cup you’re carefully filling. You wash your hands quickly and rush out of the kitchen to see your boyfriend at the door, taking his shoes off. 

“You’re home early.” 

“Yeah,” he says, offering no explanation. 

“I made dinner.”

He groans a little as he stands, a clear sign he’s had a rough day. “Alright, just gonna have a shower,” he says, slinking past you without his usual greeting kiss. You frown, then mindlessly you grab a towel so you can warm it for him in the dryer—like you always did. 

By the time he’s done you’ve set up the table and laid way more food than two people were capable of eating. It had taken you hours. He dawdles into the room wearing sweatpants and a small towel around his neck, hair still dripping a little onto his bare skin. When his eyes land on the table he pauses. “You made all this?” he says, looking up at your face for the first time since he walked in the door. 

“Mm, it might not be very good. I had a few mess ups,” you say before leaning over the table to set a vase down in the centre. The red rose reminded you of the bouquet he’d given you on your fourth date, it was huge—so big you hadn’t been able to see in front of you. He’d laughed as you’d attempted to peek around the flowers and then offered to hold it for you until you’d arrived at your front door. You’d spent the walk home working up the courage to ask him to come inside. 

A warm hand at your waist makes you squirm, turning just in time to see Chan’s expression drop. He takes a small step back. You’ve brushed him off, again. Fuck. You open your mouth before pausing, unsure what to say. He walks to the other side of the table wordlessly, settling himself into his usual chair. 

“Thank you,” he says, tone flat as he reaches to serve himself. You were fucking this up already. You walk around the table and take the utensils from him so you can serve him yourself. He leans back in the chair, putting up no protest. When you ask him what he wants, if that’s enough, if he’s sure he doesn’t want more—he makes monosyllabic responses. ‘Sure.’ ‘Yeah.’ ‘Mm.’

He eats silently and you wonder if maybe something bad happened at work, he was acting so unlike himself. It had to have been more than your bad mood affecting him. “Did you have a good day?” you ask, breaking the heavy silence finally. 

He finishes his mouthful before answering. “Not really, to be honest. I’ve…been feeling a little uninspired.” Okay, he was struggling with his creative process. That would always upset him. Your shoulders lighten as the guilt lifts a little. 

“Want me to take a listen?” you ask. He’d often ask you to listen to his tracks when he got stuck. You were never much help but he’d brighten up a little after, as if just your involvement was enough to lighten his load. 

“Nah, don’t worry about it,” he mutters as he picks at his food. You slump a little, the guilt returning. This was definitely your fault. You’d done this and you didn’t even have a good explanation. He was never going to think of you the same again. You were petty and childish and ugly and so, so embarrassed. A soft sniffle snaps you out of your spiral. He’s hunched over even more now, hair falling over his eyes. 

“Baby?” Was he…crying? He falls back against the back of the chair at your soft probing, hands covering his face. You stand abruptly, chair scraping against the floorboards. He sucks in a shaky breath as you round the table to crouch at his side. When you reach up to gently pull his hands from his face, he doesn’t resist, letting you get a clear look at the tears rolling down his cheeks. You drop his hands and quickly reach up to take his face in your hands, warm cheeks wet against your thumbs as you attempt to brush them away. 

“Please—please don’t cry. Baby? Look at me.” He sniffles before his watery eyes meet yours. “Talk to me,” you prompt, feeling instantly guilty for asking from him what you’d failed to do yourself. You feel your eyes start to burn as you attempt to hold back your own tears. He doesn’t answer you, eyes dropping back to his lap. You stand before lowering yourself into his lap, edge of the table pressing lightly against your back. 

He looks up at you again, his hands gripping the bottom of the chair. “Why did you do this?” he asks, voice shaky. Your heart drops, thinking he means the way you’ve been acting the past month. Then he clarifies, “It must have taken you hours, I don’t—I don’t understand.” Oh, the dinner. 

“I-I love you. You do nice things for people you love.” 

“You still love me?” 

Oh, god. You’d fucked up so much worse than you’d imagined. “Why would you ask that? Of course I do, Of course I do, baby.” 

“You won’t touch me. You won’t let me touch you.” 

“I know, I know. I’m sorry. I-I fucked up. I’m so sorry. I’ve been…not well.” 

His hands move to your hips as his brows pull together. “You’re sick?” 

“No, I mean…my head. It’s silly. I should have just told you. I saw a photo, and I spiralled. I just feel so gross sometimes and when you touch me… I just—”

“You don’t like me touching you?” 

“I do. I love you and I love how you’re always touching me. I just have had a bad few weeks, it’s not about you. I just…haven’t been feeling good about myself. I should’ve told you instead of pushing you away.” You lean forward to press yourself against his chest, his arms wrapping around you properly for the first time in weeks. “I’m sorry,” you mutter again. 

“Can we…just stay like this for a bit?” he asks, arms tightening a little. 

“Mm, as long as you want,” you whisper, reaching up to stroke the hair at the back of his head.

By the time he releases you, the food is mostly cold. You don’t leave his lap, each of you taking turns feeding each other a little of the food on his plate. He doesn’t say much, a small compliment on your cooking, a little small talk. 

“Are you tired?” you ask, rubbing small circles into his upper back. 

“Are you?”

“Mm.” 

“Why don’t you shower while I clean up? I’ll be in soon,” he says, helping you off his lap so he can stand. 

“I can help, it’ll be done quicker.” 

“I’ve got it.” 

You try not to let your worry show on your face. He was clearly still feeling down, the air felt thick with everything left unsaid. “Alright,” you mutter, pressing one quick kiss to his cheek before leaving the room. 

You pull the covers up over your shoulders, anxiety building in your chest as the sound of his electric toothbrush stops. You couldn’t go to sleep with everything up in the air like this. You had to make sure he had no doubts about how you felt about him. He didn’t deserve this. 

You quickly shut your eyes just as the bathroom door opens. Coward, you chastise yourself. The bed rocks as he climbs in next to you. Usually he’d wrap himself around you, lips pressed to the skin at your shoulder. Not now. Now he settles on his side of the bed, the gap between you feeling much greater than the few centimetres it was in reality. 

You suck in a deep breath then open your eyes, rolling over to face him. You meet his eyes in the soft light, hoping the right words will magically come to you. They don’t. So you move instead, shuffling your body closer to his. When you press your lips to his softly, he doesn’t react, letting you kiss him but taking no active role. The anxiety in your chest transforms into panic. You push his shoulder so he’s on his back, climbing over him. You press your lips to his again, feeling frantic. 

His arm wraps around you and then he’s sitting up, taking you with him. He pulls his lips from yours. “Stop,” he whispers, “Please.” 

You lean back, chest heaving. He looks pained. “Did I hurt you?” 

He looks up quickly, eyes flicking back and forth between yours—like he doesn’t understand your meaning. You consider your words. You’d meant just now but… of course you’d hurt him. You’d been hurting him for weeks. 

“You don’t need to do this,” he says finally. “I don’t want this if it’s not what you want.” 

“This?” you breathe, heart racing. He didn’t mean…the relationship? Your eyes sting from holding back your tears. 

“You’re trying to—I mean I don’t want this right now. Not after I pressured you into telling me what was wrong. If you don’t want me touching you, right now…it’s okay.” 

“I do, I do want you to touch me. I-I cooked all afternoon because I’m too stupid to figure out how to just tell you with words. I miss you,” you pause, catching your breath. “I miss you and I love you. I love you so much.” 

“Don’t say that.” 

You frown. “But—”

“You aren’t stupid.” Oh, that. “It’s okay to feel a little down about yourself sometimes. I-I struggle with that, too. Just…talk to me about it, yeah? I just…I want you to tell me so I know…I know you’re okay.” Your tears finally break free, all the tension leaving your body as he speaks. “So I can tell you how beautiful you are to me,” he finishes. 

You struggle to speak, overwhelmed. Finally you manage to gasp out, “I’m sorry.” 

He pulls you into his chest, hand moving up your back to rub gentle circles. Much like you’d done for him earlier. “You’re okay. We’re okay. I know it’s hard,” he soothes. 

“I didn’t realise at first, I-I was distracted. I didn’t realise I was pushing you away.” 

“Shh, it’s okay. You don’t need to say anything else. I got you.” 

You pull back from where your head rests against his shoulder, looking into his eyes again. “You believe me though, don’t you? You know I love you. You said… earlier you said—”

“I know,” he whispers, “You might not have touched me much recently but… you showed me you love me in your own ways.”

“I did?” 

“Mm, you never stopped making me breakfast, or putting my towel in the dryer for me while I showered,” he smiles. “Even asking me how my day was, you never miss a day. I was waiting for you to tell me what was wrong. I just…I had a hard day and I…usually when I have a day like today I can come home and hold you. I just—I needed you today and I let it overwhelm me. Then I thought I’d pressured you into telling me when you werent ready…” He runs his hands up and down your arms. “...into touching me when you weren’t ready.” 

“I am ready,” you whisper before pressing your lips to his again. This time he’s responsive, his hand coming to rest at the back of your neck so he can guide you. You can taste his toothpaste and a little saltiness from your tears. 

“You sure?” he mutters between kisses. 

“Mm, sure,” you answer, pushing him onto his back. He lifts your nightgown up as you kiss him, forcing you to pull away for a second so he can pull it over your head. He pulls you down against his bare chest, skin to skin. 

His arms are wrapped around you, holding you tightly against him. He mutters into your mouth, “Feel you…feel…more…” He sounds desperate, like he’s finally let go of whatever he was holding back. Some of the guilt seeps back in. 

“I love you,” you tell him again. He moans into your mouth as he his hips lift off the bed a little, grinding up into you. You weren’t used to having him underneath you like this. He usually liked being on top, hovering over you as he filled you. Apparently that wasn’t what he needed right now, he was making no attempt to change positions. He just keeps grinding up into you, muttering into your mouth as he works himself up. 

You attempt to pull back a little so you can reach down and help him take his sweats off. He holds tight, trapping you against him. “Just for a second,” you whisper against his lips. He shakes his head, reaching down to free his cock from his waistband—not bothering to pull his pants down anymore than he has to. He aligns himself up against you then resumes his grinding, his bare cock brushing up and down your cunt with his desperate movements. 

Usually, you’d tease him for being so needy. But right now, you just want him to feel good. He deserves to feel good. So you press your lips to his neck and let him hold you tight, let him take what he needs. It isn’t until he’s practically panting that you take some control, pushing up a little so you can reach back and guide him to your entrance. He looks completely out of it, like he could have just kept fucking himself against you and wanted for nothing else in the world. You watch his face as you push back against him, his tip pressing inside slowly. You want to savour it, having been without him for so long. You barely get half way down his cock before he pulls you back down against him and thrusts all the way in. 

You gasp, breath knocked from your lungs at the sudden fullness. He’s still, one hand coming to hold the back of your head. “Alright?” he asks, sounding equally breathless. 

“Mm,” is all you can offer him for now, focused on the way he’s stretching you—how it feels to have him this close to you again. He’s only still for a few more moments and then his hands move to grip your hips, giving him the leverage his needs to begin fucking up into you—desperate again. 

“Missed you,” he breathes out, practically panting as he pulls you up and down his cock to meet his thrusts. 

You want to tell him you missed him too, that you love him so much, that you’re sorry for pushing him away—but you can’t. You can’t speak, or think. You’re just feeling. The feeling of his hands gripping your hips, his breath against your mouth, his cock fucking you full.

“So perfect,” he mutters, pressing a messy kiss to your mouth—both of you too fucked out to attempt anything other than messy and desperate. His words sink deep into you, knowing that at this moment he’s really just saying whatever comes into his head. That he means it. You attempt to catch your breath, to focus on getting the words out you need to tell him—but then he fucks into at an angle that makes you blank. You collapse, head falling into his neck as you whine. He keeps fucking into you as you come down from your high.

“Got you,” he pants, “Gonna—Gonna fill you.” He pulls you down hard, cock buried deep inside as you feel him lose himself—his deep groan filling the room. It’s messy, his cum spilling from you as he pulls himself free just to fuck his tip back into you again. He whines as he overstimulates himself, cock slipping through your folds as he grinds against you a little again.

When he finally stills, you expect him to relax—for his arms to loosen around you. They don’t. He holds you tight as you both catch your breath, like he’s afraid you’ll just get up and leave him. You lift your arms up to slip under his neck, silently reassuring him. You’re staying. He loosens his hold a little, muscles relaxing. 

“Think you’re perfect, too,” you say, finally. “I need you, even when I was pushing you away, I needed you.” You lift your head to meet his eyes. His cheeks are red, his hair sticks to his forehead. You pull one hand from behind his neck so you can brush it aside. 

He smiles, one of his full smiles—dimples making a welcome appearance. “Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” 

please reblog and share your thoughts. caption, tags, replies, or ask box, i read it all. feedback is what motivates me to write more!

↳ masterlist

[2kmps]

bakugō doesn't show up in your time of need. he deals with the guilt of it while giving you a bath.

notes; 0.5k, mentions of stitches, aged up! + bf!bakugō.

when you had asked bakugō all those years ago to be your emergency contact, he scoffed at the implications it made. you were being cautious over an impossibility—that you, the love of his life—could ever face that sort of imminent peril. that anyone within his immediate circle should ever have a worry of that kind.

in hindsight, bakugō had been icarus and trusted in himself too much. he had yet to confront the inevitability of evil in this world and that it could ever reach those he cherished the most. nothing could ever touch what he protected, and he had been wrong.

all of the marks on your body were fresh—inkblots of black, purple, and red that covered more surface of your skin than your actual color. the emergency staff had stitched up the worst of it, threw a few astringent smelling pads over the rest, and told you to come back if nothing improved.

so, now, you sat with your knees crunched up to your chest, eyes fixed down into the pale pink bathtub with that type of immovable, glassy gaze that let him know you weren't there with him at that moment.

"raise your arm." he let a damp washcloth lay against your skin, maneuvering it in the fold of your armpit, down your side, mindful as the coarse fibers traveled the swell of your chest. "gonna lean over you, lift your other arm."

as long as he kept it simple, gave you an order, you heard him and listened. every opportunity he could find in your momentary flickers of clarity, he tried to ask how you were feeling, what happened—talk to me, baby—you slumped over your knees a little more.

"I can't fucking believe I wasn't there." he wanted to keep blaming himself. it made him feel better, hoping that you would tell him it wasn't his fault. your lashes fluttered, casting a heavier shadow over your eyes. did it mean you didn't blame him—or did you?

"I was on patrol across town." he reasoned this to you, to his twisted, wretched reflection showing in the ripples in the bathwater. "if I would've known what was happening, I—I would've been there so fucking fast. I would've found you first."

a couple of pedestrians had though, managed to grapple any parts of you they could and hauled you out of the rubble. others in your building hadn't been so lucky—so many people had been so unlucky on such a normal day. that's what you couldn't get past. 

"I love you." those words didn't come up from his chest nearly enough, he decided. you stirred against the heat and calluses of his hand, palm framing the side of your head, thumb caressing your cheek a little harder than he should've been. "you're gonna be alright. I'm gonna take care of you."

there was warmth in your skin and his lips as he planted a few kisses to your temple, repeatedly. they were hard and made your body sway in the water, all to let you know that he was there. 

divider; @/anlian-aishang

[turcott3]

love language

jamie drysdale x fem! reader

warnings?: cursing, smut!😝 (loss of v card, fingering, unprotected sex) fluff!!!!

positions fics masterlist

~teach me how to love you, i’m not learning what ain’t right~

-

another morning waking up in jamie’s spacious anaheim apartment was a strange feeling to you. you’d grown incredibly fond of him over the past few weeks of staying with him. you were just trying to get on your feet and were looking for a place of your own. trevor, a childhood friend of yours, introduced you to jamie some months ago and jamie was willing to help you while you sorted everything out with your move, trevor’s house being full and your urge to stay with that many guys was at a minimum, but jamie has a place to call his own which was something he always wanted and was willing to share his space with you.

“good morning.” jamie greets you from the couch with a mug of hot coffee.

“morning.” you reply rubbing your eyes and walking into the kitchen to make your morning coffee.

“i bought you a new bottle of creamer because i saw you were almost out.” he says once you open the fridge door.

“oh thank you.” you smile appreciating the small gesture.

“yeah you’re welcome, oh by the way, z, mase and leo are coming over tonight. we have like two days off so i figured you’d want to see them.” he says getting up off the couch and leaning on the tall counter.

“yeah that sounds awesome,” you smile taking a sip of your coffee, locking eyes with jamie. it was always hard for you not to stare for too long at his big, beautiful, blue doe eyes.

“great, i’m gonna get to cleaning the place.” he says drinking the last of his coffee and setting his mug in the sink.

“i’ll help?”

“no it’s okay, didn’t you say you had homework or something?” he says towering over you, standing a little too close.

“oh yeah, i do. we’ll just let me know if you need any help.” you say smiling awkwardly, exiting the kitchen with your coffee, quickly shutting the door behind you. you open your macbook trying to shake the funny feeling he left in your stomach during your short lived conversation in the kitchen. his proximity, his eye contact, his demeanor. it made you overthink, or so you thought.

“what the fuck?” you swear, blinking a few times after seeing how much time had past. it was already reaching 3 pm and you had spent the last 5 hours working on homework and an essay for your english class.

“i think i just got stuck in an alternate dimension, no way i was at my desk for five hours.” you say swinging your door open to jamie sitting on the couch watching tv.

“i didn’t want to interrupt you, when i opened your door you were locked in. i got you lunch tho, i put it in the microwave so it wouldn’t get too cold.”

“oh thank you, you didn’t have to.”

“well i felt like i should because you were drowning yourself in work and you needed to eat something.”

“i appreciate the gesture.” you say pulling the chipotle out of the microwave.

“they’ll be here at 5.” he says.

“okay, let me eat and shower and ill be out here.” you smile walking over to the couch to hug him, “ you’re the best.”

“yeah of course.” he says hugging you back gently. you took your meal into your room and ate it while you picked an outfit and let the shower warm up. right before you step in, your phone buzzes on the counter.

“hey z.” you say picking up.

“hey y/n, can’t wait to see you tonight. it’s been a while since we caught up.”

“yeah me too, i’ve missed you.”

“still a virgin y/n/n? i feel like it’s been long enough since i last checked in.” he asks.

“yes trevor, i told you that you’d be the first to know once i lost my virginity.”

“yep i’m waiting for that text that says ‘harmonica’.”

“oh yes, the code word.” i laugh.

“alright well i’ll let you go, ill see you at 5.”

“bye trev.”

“bye y/n.” he says, ending the line, finally allowing you to step into the shower. you longed for it to finally happen, you’re 20 how has it not yet? once you wrap up your shower you step out, flipping on your hairdryer, humming while you dried it almost completely. you slip on your leggings, throw on your crewneck and spray yourself generously with perfume. you walked back out into the bedroom and heard trevor’s familiar laugh. you slipped on your slippers and walked out into the living room, seeing all the boys sat at the table.

“y/n!” trevor says standing up and walking over to you, hugging you tightly.

“it’s good to see you too trevor.”you laugh as he lets you go. he brings you to the table where you sat directly across from jamie.

“wine anyone? mom got me a wine fridge and i just stocked it.” jamie says and presents a bottle of red wine proudly.

“sure.” you reply smiling, happy to see how proud he is of his wine fridge. he grabs you all glasses and pours one for each of you.

“cheers to being reunited.” mason says raising his glass and everyone following suit, jamie and i locking eyes for a brief moment before looking away, feeling occasional glances in my direction.

“how about some truth or dare?” trevor offers, setting his glass down.

“sure.” mason says with a smug smirk on his face.

“i’m in.” leo replies looking in your direction.

“yeah, yeah let’s play.” you say taking your last sip and setting your glass down.

“i’ll go first.” mason offers, “jamie, truth or dare?”

“truth?” he replies hesitantly.

“how many bottles of wine did you buy for that fridge yesterday?”

“seven.” he quickly replies.

“oh damn ok.” mason laughs, taking another sip.

“trevor, truth or dare?” jamie says turning to look at the clueless boy.

“dare.”

“call terry and tell him you still wanna walk his dog.”

“god, fine.” he says pulling his phone out and calling him.

“hey troy, what’s up?” he says followed by silence.

“yeah i was just calling to ask if i could walk your dog tomorrow? no? oh, okay. great, well thanks for the trust terry.” he laughs hanging up.

“tell you no?” leo asks.

“hahaha yeah.” he replies.

“it’s your turn.” you say cutting him off.

“jeez okay, y/n.” he says smirking looking at you.

“truth.” you say hoping it’s the safe route. trevor looks at you then looks at jamie, then to mason and leo before coming back to you.

“is it true that you’re still a virgin?” he asks with a smug look on his face, causing you to choke on your second sip of your new glass of wine.

“really dude?”

“it requires an answer.”

“yes trevor. i am still a fucking virgin.” i say, face flushing red now that jamie knows.

“alright your turn.” he smiles.

“last round. leo?”

“truth.”

“did you wanna get drafted by the ducks?”

“honestly…… no but i’m glad i am here now.”

“wow didn’t expect that one.” you say expecting a much more underwhelming reply. you finish your wine and rinse your glass out in the sink, finding your way to the couch leaving the boys at the table. they continue their conversation and you sit scrolling through your phone, thinking it would be rude to go to your room with guests over.

j: you good?

y/n: yeah i’m fine

j: okay, talk later?

y/n: sure

you reply one final time, turning on the tv and putting on a movie, distracting yourself from the elephant in the room. not to long after the boys join you on the couch watching the movie as well. jamie sat close to you, arm draped around the back of the couch where you sat. no one said a word to each other for at last 30 minutes. you scoot closer to jamie, leaning your head on his shoulder, eyes drooping with sleepiness. he rested his arm around your shoulder snuggly, his thumb gently caressing your arm.

“boys i think it’s time we head out.” mason declares standing up. it had been a few hours and it was starting to get late.

“i’ll see you guys tomorrow.” jamie says fist bumping them all as they filed out of the apartment. he olaced his arm back around me, this time more snuggly and boldly.

“you okay?” he asks, brushing his thumb in your bicep.

“yeah i’m just embarrassed. he always finds a way.” you admit to the brunette.

“he has a way of rubbing people the wrong way, i’m so sorry y/n.” he replies honestly.

“yeah he does.” you sigh

“so is it true?”

“is what true?” you ask fearing his question.

“are you actually a virgin?”

“yes, i am.” you sigh, embarrassed all over again.

“i mean is there like a reason why?”

“jamie i’m 20, there’s obviously not a good reason. i mean no one’s ever wanted me like that or been attracted to me in that way.” you say picking at your cuticles.

“that’s crazy.”

“what?”

“how has no one been attracted to you in that way?” he repeats and i turn to look at him.

“i mean they just haven’t.”

“they’re crazy.”

“what do you mean?”

“have you looked at you?”

“well yeah but-“

“no buts, come here.” jamie says moving you onto his lap, your hands locking behind his neck.

“what are you doing?”

“giving you the attention you deserve.” he smiles, pulling your chin to his, pressing a short kiss to your lips, sending butterflies through your stomach, leaving an anxious look on your face.

“jamie-“ you start.

“if you don’t want to do anything with me, tell me now and i’ll stop.” he says interrupting you.

“no it’s not that i don’t want to do anything with you, i’m just scared.”

“why are you scared y/n? tell me.” he replies, pushing strands of hair behind your ears.

“i’ve never felt beautiful like other girls so maybe ive just been afraid to ever put myself out there. that’s why im scared. that im not good enough.” you admit to him, never even wanting to admit that to yourself.

“well you should put yourself out there. sure there’s “beauty standards” but who gives a fuck? look at you. you’re so beautiful.” he says with his hands placed delicately on your waist.

“it’s just hard.”

“i’ll make sure you know how beautiful you are love, i promise.” he says running his hand lightly up and down your thigh.

“okay.” you say caving into his words. you grab onto his cheeks and pull him in for a kiss again. this time trying to assert yourself, showing him the direction you want the kiss to go. he puts his arms beneath you, picking you up bridal style, carrying you to his bedroom. a place you’d only entered a handful of times. delicately, he places you on the bed, removing his shirt and climbing over you, reconnecting your lips once again. you began to feel more comfortable, even thought him being shirtless was intimidating to you, you never realized just how toned he actually was.

“you’re so fucking fit jamie.” you say as he backs away to look at you.

“don’t make this about me honey, this night is all about you.” he says running his hands up your legs to the waistband of you leggings in which he assists you in removing. he tosses them in his hamper, clearly having no intentions of giving them back tonight.

“if i need to slow down or stop please tell me.” he says staring down at you, our faces mere inches apart.

“okay.” you reply, face turning rose. he connects your lips once more before assisting you shimmy out of your crewneck which you wore no bra under.

“no bra around the boys? bold move.” he giggles taking your breasts into his hands and kissing you as your hand found their way around his neck. he pulls away standing up again, removing his sweatpants leaving him only in his boxers. delicately, he runs his middle finger over your soaked core on top of the fabric of your lace thong.

“wow so wet huh?” he smirks.

“can’t help it, just want you.” you say boldly, encouraging him more. carefully, he removes your underwear tossing it aside as he runs two fingers through your folds. you were unsure what you were feeling, but knowing it was good was enough. suddenly he finds a sweet spot, kicking your feelings into high gear, unleashing a moan you’d never heard from yourself.

“oh my god jamie.” you say and he giggles.

“you like that?”

“yes fuck yes.” you huff out, never wanting the feeling to end.

“what about,” he pauses, inserting one finger into you, “now?”

you jump at the sensation, it doesn’t hurt too bad but definitely doesn’t feel great.

“a little uncomfortable but not bad, you can keep going.”

“okay.” he says beginning to slide his second finger in, causing a sting.

“okay that hurts a little bit.”

“well good thing i decided to do this first.” he smiles leaning up to kiss you, moving his fingers in and out of you carefully. it still felt weird but you didn’t want to get off on his fingers so you decided to let him go until you felt good enough.

“jamie?” you say opening your eyes and he lifts his head off your shoulder.

“mhm?”

“i’m ready.” you say and he removes his fingers, sucking them clean.

“are you sure baby, like 100% sure?”

“i’m 100% sure.” you reply.

“okay,” he says kissing you once again. he pulls down his boxers allowing his dick to spring free, your eyes directing right to its leaking tip. anxiety trying its best to hold off as he pulls you closer to him as he kneels on the bed, running his tip through you folds just the way his fingers had.

“tell me when it’s too much.” he says pushing in the tip warning a hiss from you.

“you okay?” he asks and you simply nod. he pushes in a little further, feeling your walls stretch out.

“okay wait stop for a sec please.” you say pressing your hands to his chest.

“whatever you need.” he says stopping abruptly. you nod signaling for him to continue and you even hold on and let him bottom out.

“god you’re so big, i feel so full.”

“you’re doing amazing baby.” he says kissing you sweetly on the lips trying to distract you from the sensation you felt between your legs. he retracts his hips slowly and carefully not wanting to hurt you before pushing back in at the same speed, gritting your teeth, trying to find pleasure in this sensation.

“you okay?” he asks.

“yeah i’m okay.” you reply and he continues, the discomfort finally beginning to subside.

“you feel so good around me y/n, so fucking good.” he smiles kissing you passionately. this thrust into you changed everything, pleasure washed over your body quickly, pushing a moan out of your throat.

“there it is, that’s my girl.” he smiles, thrusting a little faster and deeper.

“fuck jamie, that feels so good.” you say wrapping your arms around the back of his neck as his chain hung in your face, hair covering his. he continues his paces, brushing your sweet spot with every thrust, tightening around him.

“you gonna come for me baby?” he asks and you nod quickly, releasing the built up pressure that had built in your abdomen.

“fuck.” you say, the sensation making your legs shake.

“fuck i’m getting close.” he says, his thrusts getting sloppier and pulling out spurting his warm seed onto your stomach. quickly, he runs into the bathroom so wet a rag and wipe your stomach clean before throwing the rag in the hamper and going back into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

“jamie?” you ask. no answer. the feeling of regret beginning to rise in your chest. you grab your crewneck and underwear off the floor and, prepare to leave the room and lock yourself away.

“jamie?” you say again, tears threatening to form in your eyes.

“sorry i had to pee and then i had to answer an email i forgot abo- why do you have those?” he stops mid explanation.

“oh i uh, i figured you weren’t gonna come back out so i was just gonna go back to my room. i’ll hopefully have a place soon so i can get out of your hair.” you reply, scratching your head wondering why you even did this, “i’ll just go ahead and leave now.” you say starting to stand up and he stops you.

“woah woah no stop, did you really think i was gonna just dip after that?” he asks stepping in front of you, grabbing onto your arms.

“well….. kind of.”

“no baby, you’ve got it all wrong, come here.” he says climbing back into bed pulling you to his chest instantly.

“what do i have wrong?” you ask, placing your chin on his chest.

“do you honestly think i just had sex with you so you’d lose your virginity and stop being embarrassed by it?” he asks rubbing your back softly.

“that’s kinda what i assumed once you shut the bathroom.”

“well that’s not what happened and i’m so sorry i did that, i couldn’t have picked a worse time to remember i had an email to answer, anyways, the truth is that i like you, and i have for a long time. you’re beautiful, funny and smart. you’re you and i literally cannot get enough of it.” he says smiling locking eyes with you.

“wow, you like me?”

“yes i do, a fucking lot. i had sex with you because i wanted to and it felt so special being your first. guess i couldn’t pass up the chance.” he chuckles.

“it was amazing jamie, i don’t think i could’ve asked for a better first.” you reply, smiling from ear to ear.

“of course my love, you were so amazing, it seemed so natural to you.” he pauses, “also i want you to stay.”

“stay? what do you mean?”

“like i don’t want you to find an apartment for yourself, please just stay, i love having you here.”

“jamie you don’t have to-“

“i’m offering, it will save you a lot of money and i love your company. please stay.”

“okay i will if you want me to. i just don’t want to inhibit your space.” you say picking at your nails

“you won’t be don’t worry. and besides, we may sleep together eventually if we really truly to give us a chance, but you still have your own room when you need space.” he says.

“i- did you mean like share a bed with you?”

“i mean eventually if you want to share we could, no pressure at all.”

“well i guess we could give this a go couldn’t we.” you nod, sitting up on his lap looking down at him.

“if you’d like to give it a go, i would also like that… quite a lot actually.” he laughs and you lean down to kiss him.

“is that you asking me out?”

“more so asking you to be my girlfriend.”

“wow popped the question so soon.” you teased.

“i know we’ve only had like this night but having you around has made me so crazy about you.” he says scooting back to sit up a bit, keeping you on his lap, placing his hands on your waist.

“hey i’m joking babe, i would love to be your spontaneous girlfriend jamie.” you laugh, smiling widely.

“thank god.” he says, his arms wrapping around you and kissing you passionately. the rest of your night was filled with the pleasures of exploring your romantic connection. you talked, you cuddled, you started a new tv show, you fucked, you made out. you used one night to make up for all the time you spent living together, unknowingly pining for each others affection. eventually, the two of you fell asleep entangled in each other, completely obsessed with one another. you woke up the next morning to jamie pressing a kiss to your cheek.

“good morning my love.” he says talking into your cheek before kissing your it a few more times.

“good morning jamie.” you laugh opening your eyes to face him, allowing yourself to get lost in his gorgeous eyes.

“i slept so good.” he giggles.

“oh yeah, best sleep ever.” you giggle wrapping your arms around him and kissing him on the lips.

-

[cmncisspnandmore]

One Night Stand Part 7

Pairings: Simon "Ghost" Riley X Pregnant! Reader

Warnings: Medical drama, Fluff,

A/N: Hi loves, sorry for taking so long, i just moved into a new house and its been a lot. And honestly my mental health is trash. This part was also really hard to write for me because I had this happen to me. And i didnt realize how triggering it would be to write about it but the best way to get through the trauma is to write about it, right? maybe? no? well, anyways sorry if it sucks. i'll do better next time.

Word count: 1833...

New to the series? Catch up here: Part 6,

Your head pounded as you laid across the soft couch, each throb timed perfectly with the beating of your heart. There was no cuteness in pregnancy, not in your eyes at least. The glow that most women talked about was nothing more than a sheen of sweat that collected on your brow from your every move. There was a tiny human playing soccer with your organs, your ribcage the goal. They kicked wildly at the space below your ribs, the feeling enough to make you want to throw up. 

The past few days had been rough, you had a headache from hell and you just felt drained. Simon was concerned but you had chalked it up to the lingering cold you had going on. But now as you lay on the couch your stomach rolling with each passing moment you aren't so sure. Simon was on base today, having to complete some paperwork. He had woken you this morning, his lips peppering your face with soft kisses. 

He had tried to stay home but you had insisted he go, that you would be fine you would call if you needed him. Since he had left a few hours ago he had called you a few times, and you had reassured him each time that you were okay, you were just going to rest on the couch until he got home. You weren’t sure how long had passed since Simon had last called, but you had started to gradually feel worse. You push yourself up onto your elbows, and the world begins to spin around you. A wave of dizziness, crashing into you, as you blindly reach for your phone. 

You swallow trying to will yourself not to throw up. It takes you a few moments to find Simon's name in the phone, and putting it on speaker. It rings longer than normal but right before it goes to voicemail his panicked voice answers. “Hello? Y/n? What's wrong?”

“Simon… I… I don't feel good,” your voice shakes as you struggle to keep the phone in your hand. 

“Bloody hell, It’s alright Love, stay on the phone with me, i’m on my way,” there’s shuffling and the sound of boots hitting the floor in the background. “You’ll be okay, what's going on?”

“I have a headache… I'm nauseous, and I just don't feel good at all, I think something is really wrong,” you mumble, swaying slightly as you sit on the couch. 

“Okay, Love, do you have any swelling in your hands or feet?” The sound of Simon's truck revving filters through the phone. 

“Yeah a little,” You lean forward to the best of your ability and press on the top of your foot watching as your finger makes a light indent in the skin.

“Fuck..” Simon curses under his breath, “Love, go put your coat on, I’ll be there in a moment. Okay? We’re gonna go to the hospital.” 

“Simon?” you whisper, your voice shaking as you push yourself to stand, bracing yourself on the couch.

“Yeah love?”

“I’m scared…” you whisper, squeezing your eyes closed as tears threaten to spill down your cheeks. 

“I know, I'm pulling up now okay, I'm gonna hang up okay? I just parked the truck, I'm coming to get you.” Simon's voice cuts off as the line goes dead. You shuffle over to the coat rack and start to pull on your coat. Hot tears roll down your cheeks as you hold the coat closed around your stomach. A sharp pain under your ribs causing you to gasp, and brace your hands on the kitchen counter. 

The sound of heavy boots stops outside the door as Simon pushes into the apartment. He’s still wearing all his gear, his tight black t-shirt, his cargo pants and skull mask on. His brown eyes are full of concern as he walks towards you, his large hands resting on your hips. 

“C’mon Love lets get you checked out,” He whispers, pressing his lips to your forehead. Simon’s arms carefully pull you into him, resting your back against his chest as he guides you from the apartment and down to the car. Your mind feels cloudy and far away as Simon secures you into the truck. His hands brushing along your stomach as he fastens your seatbelt. You close your eyes focusing on the revving of the engine as Simon weaves the large black truck in and out of traffic. It was only moments later that it came to a screeching halt outside the A&E doors. He barely had the truck in park before he was jumping out and scooping you up in his arms. He cradles you against his chest as he bursts through the sliding glass doors.

“I need some help!” his voice is loud against your ear. The vibrations of it through his chest causing you to groan in pain. Each movement felt like it was sucking the soul out of you. Every breath hurt and you just wanted to sleep, but soon there were nurses and doctors swarming you. Each of them throws questions towards you, only to have Simon reply for you. 

“How far along is she?” a doctor asks as she shines a bright light in your eyes. 

“28 Weeks,” Simon's voice is laced with panic.

“Okay, let's get her up to Labor and Delivery people let's go! Someone call the NICU unit!” the on-call emergency room doctor calls out. It was like a swarm of bees, suddenly everyone was doing something. Someone was poking your arm with an IV while another was taking your blood pressure. You weren't sure whose hands belonged to who or what was going on. But after a few moments there was too much going on for your brain to process, and you passed out.

~~~~~

The beeping of the monitors was oddly familiar to you, like when you woke up after being caught in the stairwell after the apartment building you were living in caught fire. But this time there was an icy chill that ran down your spine when you heard it. The memories of what happened come flooding back.

Calling Simon, him rushing home, being rushed to A&E, the doctors concerned voice. The overwhelming sense of panic, and then nothing. You slowly pry our eyes open, fighting against the heaviness. The first thing you see is Simon's blonde hair, the wild strands sticking up at odd angles as it rests against the light blue hospital blanket. Your hand is trapped under his head. His cheek pressed firmly into the back of it. You wiggle your fingers slightly and he stirs. His head lifting, brown eyes blinking slowly as he came around. 

“Y/N?” He asks softly, his eyes meeting yours.

“Hi,” you croak softly, your throat dry and a little sore. 

“Oh god, baby, you scared me so much,” Simon whispers, his hands coming to cup your cheeks. He was still wearing his gear, minus his mask and vest, his black shirt slightly wrinkled. 

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, your right hand moving reflexively to rest on your stomach. You pause, eyes widening as the once firm bump is now squishy and numb. The world seems to stop spinning, time slowing. Your heart wants to stop beating in your chest but it won't listen. 

 “N-No.” Your voice cracks, eyes welling with tears and a look of confusion crosses Simon's face before he looks at your right hand. 

“Oh! No, love, shhh stop it’s okay. The baby is okay.” He rushes out, grabbing your left hand in his. His face is full of concern, his brow furrowed as he watches you slightly relax. After a moment you let out a shaky breath.

“What happened?” You whisper, looking up at him, his hand still clutched tightly around yours.

“You had PreEclampsia, but a severe case of it called HELLP syndrome. I’m not entirely sure what it means but they said the only way to save your life was to deliver the baby. So they performed an emergency C-Section and had to give you a blood transfusion. The baby is okay, they’re in the NICU. I haven't been able to see them yet, but a nurse came about an hour ago and said that they were fighting like crazy and we should be able to see them soon.” He explains, his brown eyes welling with tears. 

His voice is rough and strained, “I thought I was gonna lose you both.”

Hot tears well in your eyes as he admits his fear. A man as big and strong as Simon looked so small at that moment. He looked like a lost child who couldn't find home. The brave soldier who willingly ran into warzones and fought people with his bare hands had never looked so helpless. It was in this rare moment that you got to see the person behind the hardened soldier. The man who truly thought he was going to lose the person he cared about, and his child. Your heart ached for him, you wished you could take the worry and pain he had felt away but you couldn't. 

Fresh tears spilled down your cheeks, he must've been so scared, felt so hopeless. He was usually able to control some aspect of the situations he was in. He could fight his way out of the worst scenarios, he could plan an escape, and he was always prepared for things if they went south. But he wasn't able to fix you, he had been completely helpless as Doctors worked to save not only your life but that of his unborn child. 

“Oh baby, don't cry,” Simon's thumb strokes the skin under your cheek as he wipes away your tears. 

“I’m sorry I scared you,” you whisper, voice tight.

“It's not your fault, i’m just glad you're both okay.” He whispers, leaning forward and brushing his lips against your cheek.

“Tell me about the baby,” you blink away the rest of the tears, taking a steadying breath.

“It’s a girl, she weighs 1lb 2oz, and she's so small i don't even think she’d fill my entire palm. They aren't sure entirely what her future looks like, but the nurse that came in to check on you said she was a fighter, and she felt really good about her outcome.” He smiles, his brown eyes filled with pride as he talks about his daughter.

A daughter.

You had a daughter now.

The thought alone was crazy to you, you had been so sure the entire time it was a boy. You had a gut feeling but you were wrong, and you weren’t unhappy about it. You didn't care either way, the only thing you cared about was that they were okay.  That they would pull through everything and you would get to bring them home eventually. 

There's a soft knock on the door and a nurse with red hair pokes her head in. 

“Hi, do you two wanna go meet your daughter?”

Next Part: Part 8

Taglist: @coffeeandtealol, @natashamea18, @itsmytimetoodream @humanities-cutest @ajrfanz @jggykhug09090 @dedicateeverythingtomilkshake @ashreblogsnow

[justagalwhowrites]

Shelter

IT'S FINALLY DONE!

A request from MONTHS ago from the lovely, the talented, the supreme Lavender fan @dundienominee who wanted some QZ era Joel angst that included a few specifics. I thought you'd sent an ask but I think it was just one of the millions of DMs lol

So here it is! A NON-CANON Lavender one shot, where Joel and Doc are stuck together when FEDRA puts the QZ on lockdown.

I hope this is what you're looking for, love!!

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader from Lavender (can be read independently with the understanding that Joel and Reader are exes and Reader also dated Tommy in the QZ.)

Warnings: SMUT!, Results of canon-typical violence, infidelity (not on each other). No use of Y/N. Minors DNI, 18+ only.

Length: 8.4k

August, 2017

Joel had been right. 

That wasn’t a fact he particularly appreciated in that moment. He’d rather have been right and not shot. He’d rather have been wrong, for that matter, even if you’d be bound and fucking determined to hold it over him for the next who knows how fucking long. 

But no, he had to be right and shot. 

Still, better than another alternative. 

You shot. You hurt. That was the worst possible outcome. 

Well, maybe not the worst. That would be you dead.

Joel couldn’t think about that. 

“Shit,” you swore, the sound of FEDRA around the next corner. 

“There,” Joel said through gritted teeth, nodding toward a pile of junk. 

“Right,” you said, pulling him along toward it, your shoulder tucked into his underarm. You pulled him down to the ground just as a dozen or so FEDRA guards ran past, armed to the teeth, guns drawn. Joel fought to keep quiet, breathe silently through the pain, until he couldn’t hear them anymore. You looked at him. There was blood on your cheek. “Should we wait? Or do you think we’re good to move?” 

“So now you want to listen to me?” He asked sarcastically. You glared at him. He ignored it. “Should be alright now, doubt more troops will be headin’ that way from here.” 

You helped him to his feet and he leaned against you again, trying to ignore the way his body seemed to be hyperaware of everywhere you touched him. You started walking. 

“I’m really sorry, Joel,” you said, sounding a little breathless, as you started getting close to his apartment. “I really thought it would be alright…” 

“Maybe fuckin’ listen to me next time,” he managed through the pain. “Might not be a damn doctor but I do know about shit like this…” 

“I know,” you said quietly. 

Joel let the subject drop. 

The two of you had gone to the absolute shittiest part of the QZ to run medication to a boy there who had been in the clinic just a few days earlier. You’d gone on a special trip outside the QZ for it. You had explained it all to Joel and Tess, of course, but he didn’t really get it. All he knew was there was a four-year-old boy who needed some drug urgently. 

You just hadn’t bothered to explain where that drug needed to be taken until you, Joel and Tess made it back to the QZ. 

“No,” Joel had shaken his head. “No fuckin’ way…” 

“He’s going to die,” you said. “He has the flu, he’s already showing signs of complications, if he doesn’t get help it will kill him, I need…” 

“No.” 

“Fine,” you snapped. “I’ll go on my own.” 

You turned to leave. 

“No the fuck you won’t,” Joel grabbed your wrist, yanking you harshly alongside him. “Gonna just get yourself fuckin’ killed…” 

“Fuck off, Joel.” 

You pulled yourself from his grip and stalked off, leaving him no choice but to follow you. For someone as damn smart as you were, you made stupid fucking decisions. 

Decisions that led to the two of you getting caught in the crossfire between two rival groups that left Joel with a bullet in his stomach near his hip. 

“Almost there,” you said, your fingers holding tight to his side. 

“Know where the fuck we are,” he muttered. He didn’t need to look at you to know that you rolled your eyes in response. 

He managed to make it up the stairs and into the apartment, Tess pacing the living room. She stopped when she saw him, her eyes going wide. 

“Jesus Christ,” she ran to him, taking his other side. 

“Let’s get him to the table,” you said. “Trying to avoid doing this on the floor again…” 

Joel had all but forgotten that you’d saved his life here, in this room, once before. He had almost no memory of it, what little he did remember was more like a dream. You, next to him, your hands soft, voice gentle, something warm in him that was tied to you. You didn’t seem real, you seemed like something he’d lost, something that was in a place that was too far and too good for him to reach. But you were there. And you were taking care of him. 

“Fucking told you, Doc,” Tess snapped, helping to haul Joel’s broken body to the table. She cleared the papers and trash from it, dropping shit into a chair. “Fucking told you not to go to that side of the goddamn QZ…” 

“Yeah, I get it,” you snapped back. “I’m a fucking idiot, alright? Just help me.” 

You and Tess got Joel up on the table and he groaned, his muscle tensing and pulling around the wound in his stomach. 

“Sorry, sorry,” you said, helping him lay back on the wood with a grunt. 

“Don’t know why I let you talk us into this shit,” Tess said, still pissed, as she unbuttoned his shirt. “I should really fucking know better by now, you’re the dumbest smart person I know…” 

“Tess,” Joel growled. 

“She’s going to get you fucking killed,” she snapped. “She’s going to get us both fucking killed…” 

“Tess,” his voice was sharper. 

He knew that Tess was far from a fan of yours. She’d been growing tenser and tenser around you for a while now. He was never sure why, if it really was what she said and it was because she felt like you took stupid risks, if it was because he’d never been able to care about her the same way he cared about you in spite of how much he loathed it, if it was because she was tired of trying to keep the peace when you were so clearly done with him. For a while, it had seemed like the two of you were friends. Almost friends. But not anymore. 

“Someone has to give a shit if you live or die, Joel, and we both know that it’s not going to be you and it’s not going to be her, either,” she unbuttoned his jeans next. “So that leaves me.” 

“You think I don’t give a shit?” You asked, dropping your pack on a chair and yanking it open. “You think I keep you and him alive for fun?” 

“No, I think you do it so you can keep trying to save a place that can’t be fucking saved,” she was yelling now. 

“Tess.” 

“Shut up, Joel,” she barely glanced at him before rounding on you again. “I’m tired of being some tool in her goddamn stupid crusade…” 

“Tess.” 

“I didn’t fucking make him come with me!” You yelled back at her. “I would have gone on my own, he’s the one…” 

“You really think he’s the one who makes the decisions when it comes to you?” Tess shoved you. “You really think he’d let you run off to get yourself fucking killed? You’re an idiot sometimes, Doc, but you’re not that fucking stupid.” 

“Tess!” Joel was trying to sit up but she wasn’t paying attention. You were. You looked at him, frowning. 

“No,” she yelled, shoving you again. “No, I’m done with this shit, I’m done pretending that we’re doing fucking anything besides risking our fucking lives for some pointless…” 

“Tess!” He managed to sit up, grabbing her arm before she could shove you again. Her head spun, hair whirling, eyes narrowed. “She’s right, don’t fuckin’ blame her…” 

“She’s…” Tess shook her head. “You are so fucking stuck on her, on her bullshit, on…” 

“Get out.” 

You pulled gauze out of your pack and pressed it to the wound at his hip. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” She gaped at him, her brows raised. 

“You can figure out how to fuckin’ respect her or you can go,” Joel said through gritted teeth. “Not gonna just let you talk about her…” 

“Her is right here,” you cut him off. “Stop talking about me like I’m not fucking here. And Joel you need to lie down before you fuck something else up, Jesus…” 

Tess looked between him and you before she shook her head and stepped back from the table. 

“Good fucking luck,” Tess snapped before stalking out and slamming the door behind her. 

You looked where she had been for a moment before nudging Joel back down onto the table. 

“You done?” You asked, brows raised. “Because I don’t need you to defend me from your girlfriend, Joel. I’m still going to keep you alive even if you both hate me.” 

“I don’t…”

“Stay still.”

He gritted his teeth and stared daggers at the ceiling while you worked on him for a moment, pressing gauze into his skin for a bit before pulling it away. 

“Don’t think you’ve hit anything major,” you said, more to yourself than to him. He still grunted in response. “Stay put, I still need to get that bullet out and get you cleaned up.” 

He followed you with his eyes as you went about collecting tools, cleaning yourself up, putting on sterile gloves. He tried to focus on you without it raising his blood pressure which, he figured, wouldn’t be the best thing to do when there was an open wound on his torso. 

But it was hard. 

It had been years with you like this. More than a decade. Thinking about you too much made his chest tight, his stomach clench. Thinking about you too much made him worry he might be having a fucking heart attack, that you just might be the death of him.

But you were still who he thought about when he needed comfort. Still where his mind went when he was in pain and he needed to remember why he should try to live through it. Still what he pictured when alone at night and he thought the loss and the emptiness of his life would swallow him whole. Still where his thoughts found when he wanted to come because nothing had ever felt as good as you. 

“Think you can sit still while I get this sucker out of you?” You asked. “Because I don’t exactly have someone here to hold you still at the moment.” 

“Just do it,” Joel squared his jaw and stared at the ceiling again. 

You were quiet for a moment before you touched his bared skin with the lightest, gloved touch. 

“I really am sorry,” you said softly. “I know… We have our issues but… I really hate seeing you hurt. I really hate getting you hurt.” 

Joel looked at you, your face drawn into a frown, your eyes sad. Even now, he thought you might be the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

“I know,” he said, looking back at the ceiling. 

You were quiet and he could feel your eyes on him before he felt you slip some kind of instrument into the wound. He hissed through the pain of it but kept still. 

“I know,” you said, voice gentle and soothing. “You’re OK, it’ll be OK.” 

He remembered you using that voice with Sarah. He came home from work once and his daughter was perched on the counter, sniffling, her face streaked with tears. You were talking to her in that voice, a wad of paper towel held against her knee. 

“You’re OK. It’ll be OK.” 

“You with me, Miller?” You asked after what felt like an eternity but knew it must have only been a few minutes. “Need a break?” 

“Just finish it,” he managed through gritted teeth. 

You found the bullet and planted your hand firmly on the softness of his stomach. 

“Hold still,” you said. “This is going to have to be kind of slow, there’s relatively little damage, nothing major hit and I’d like to keep it that way.” 

You pulled on it and he could feel you moving through him, through the gaping wound him, pulling the pain out into the open air. 

When you finished, you held the bullet up, glistening with blood. 

“The cause of all this trouble,” you said, turning it in the light. “Let me patch some of this up and make sure you don’t bleed out. I don’t think you’ll need a blood transfusion this time at least…” 

Joel frowned, lifting his head slightly as you set to work. 

“What do you mean ‘this time?’” 

You froze for half a second before you tried to brush it off. 

“Just, you know,” you said. “In general.” 

He watched you work for a moment. 

“Hey.” 

You glanced at him before looking back at his wound. 

“What?” 

“You had to give me a blood transfusion last time?” He asked, trying not to groan at the pain. 

“I didn’t want to freak you out,” you said eventually, tucking gauze into the wound. “But… yeah, you were down a lot of blood and… Look, I did what I had to do to keep you alive.” 

You cleaned up the skin around his injury. 

“Whose blood?” 

“What?” You asked, focused on the task. 

“Whose blood did you use?” He asked. “Don’t imagine you went down to the clinic so whose blood.” 

You were quiet and Joel was about to ask again when you spoke. 

“We didn’t know your blood type,” you said quietly. “So Tommy would have been the best option…” your voice trailed off but he knew that wasn’t the end. He kept watching you and you sighed before you kept going. “But I’m O- so…” 

He just blinked for a moment. 

“It was yours.” 

Your eyes darted to his for half a second. 

“Yeah. It was mine.” 

He was quiet as you pulled off your gloves with a sharp snap. 

You’d saved him. Bled for him, poured yourself into him so he would keep breathing. He’d walked around for who knows how long with you pulsing through his body and he hadn’t known. 

“You should have told me,” he said eventually. 

“Yeah, well.” 

You started packing up. 

“You should have…” 

“I couldn’t be sure that you wouldn’t fucking slit your wrists if you knew, alright?” You snapped. “You hated me. You still hate me but it was worse then, you’ve figured out how to tolerate me in the last decade which is great and all but Jesus, Joel, don’t act like telling you was the easy thing to do.” 

You threw your pack over your shoulder and he sat up, ignoring the pain at his hip. 

“I need to get home,” you said. “Try not to wreck all my work…” 

There was a pounding at the door that made you jump. Joel shoved himself off the table and quickly buttoned his shirt as he limped for the door. 

“Bag down,” he said quietly. “Stay back.” 

You nodded, obeying him for once in your damn life. 

He opened the door slowly, cautiously. A FEDRA officer stood at his door. 

“Can I help you?” Joel tried not to growl, tried not to do anything that would incite suspicion. Not that he could help that he had on a bloody shirt with a fucking bullet hole in it. 

“There’s been increase violence in a nearby quadrant of the QZ,” the man said, barely looking at Joel. “We’re requiring all residents to shelter in place until further notice. Is everyone here a member of your household or does someone need an escort home?” 

Joel saw you step toward the door, opening your mouth like you were about to speak, but he held his hand out behind him, silencing you. 

“Same household,” he said. “We’re all set here.” 

“We’ll let you know when it’s safe to leave,” the guard said. “Lock your door.” 

He left before Joel had a chance to respond and he shut the door quickly before slumping against it. 

“Joel!” You hissed, going to his side and looping an arm around his waist. He leaned against you and you helped him to the couch. “What the fuck were you thinking?”

“You really want to get a fuckin’ FEDRA escort home?” He grimaced. 

“No,” you snapped, setting him on the couch. “But do you remember how long they locked us down for last time?” 

“No.” 

“A week,” you said, sitting on the threadbare arm chair. “And I’d rather get a FEDRA escort than have you kill me out of frustration in three days because that’s how long we’ll last before you get that fed up with me.” 

“Jesus, you really think we can’t manage to not kill each other for a few fuckin’ days?” He settled into the couch. “You n’me have survived a lot worse than that.” 

You scoffed. 

“Have we?” You asked, brows raised. “Besides, aren’t you worried about Tess?” 

He shrugged. 

“She can handle herself better than you can,” he said and you rolled your eyes. “You that worried about gettin’ back to Derek?” 

“Worried about FEDRA showing up at my door to look for relief for the clinic and not finding me,” you snapped. “Should have just let them…” 

“Not gonna let you go out there with those fucking assholes if people are out there shooting at each other!” Joel cut you off. “Don’t trust ‘em with shit let alone with you! I can keep you safe here so you’re staying here, it ain’t up for discussion!” 

You just blinked at Joel for a moment, a shocked look on your face. 

“Think we can handle not strangling each other for a few damn days,” he muttered, looking away from you. He couldn’t really handle looking at you. You didn’t say anything. You just got up, grabbing your pack and stalking further into the apartment. He frowned. “Where do you think you’re goin’?” 

“Don’t want to be around you any more than you want to be around me,” you said. “So I’m going to Tommy’s room…” 

“Always liked his bed,” Joel muttered, grinding his teeth. 

You flipped him off, not bothering to even look at him before slamming Tommy’s door behind you. 

***

Day 1

Tommy needed better hobbies. 

It was clear Joel had barely used Tommy’s room since he’d left. There were some boxes for storage - things you weren’t about to go searching through since you were pretty sure it was full of black market things from smuggling runs - but otherwise it was exactly how you remembered it. Not that you’d ever spent much time here. You liked to avoid Joel and Tommy seemed to like to avoid him even more than you did when you were around. You’d slept here a few times, when Joel was outside the QZ but Tommy had stayed behind, but he was much more likely to be at your place than his. 

But this room was all but a shrine to him. Or maybe more of a mausoleum, something left in memory of someone who was gone and would never be back. You hadn’t really realized how much you’d missed your friend until you were back in his space, surrounded by his things. 

You also realized that, in reality, you didn’t have a ton in common. Tommy’s book collection was… lacking. He had a few tattered Tom Clancy novels and you settled on one that you were pretty sure he’d brought over to your place once or twice. 

It wasn’t really your thing, though, and you were desperately bored. You were going to have to emerge from the room eventually to do more than pee and refill your water bottle in the bathroom sink. You were almost out of the jerky you’d packed for your trip outside the QZ and you’d never been very good at sitting still with nothing to occupy your mind. 

But you’d need to check on Joel’s injury at some point, anyway. Because looking at the ex who seemed to mostly hate you but apparently flew off the handle at the thought of you getting shot. 

Which you didn’t fully understand. If anyone asked you, you’d have sworn up and down that Joel would shoot you in the street if it wouldn’t make his life harder. You were surprised he hadn’t all but tossed you to an infected in the years you’d been going outside the QZ but the fact that you did things like pull bullets out of him and stitch Tess’ knife wounds closed was apparently a good enough reason to keep you alive. 

You didn’t see how that was a good enough reason to keep you from leaving his apartment when the two of you were about to be locked down for who the fuck knows how long. What were you supposed to do with… well, any of it? 

Your head dangled over the edge of the bed when you spotted a ratty tennis ball in the corner. You tumbled off the bed and picked it up, oddly grateful to have something to function as a distraction and started bouncing it off the wall, catching it out of the air when it bounced back at you. 

“The fuck you doing?” Joel called at you from the other side of the wall. 

You rolled your eyes. 

“Keeping myself from being so bored that I jump out a window.” 

He was quiet for a minute. 

You threw the ball again. 

“It’s annoying.” 

You caught the ball and then threw it. 

“Should’ve sent me off with FEDRA then.” 

For a moment, you thought that might be the end of it. And then the door opened. 

He’d gotten changed, at least, his new shirt as clean and intact as you could really find in the QZ and he looked a little pale. You looked him in he eye and you threw the ball again. 

“You tryin’ to piss me off?” He asked, one arm propped against the door frame. 

You shrugged and caught the ball. 

“You just make it so fun…” 

You threw the ball again and he came and snatched it out of the air. You glared at him. 

“Are you trying to make me miserable?” You asked. “Because it’s getting really old…” 

“Is that what you think I’m doing?” He snapped. “Think I decided to come find you in my brother’s bed because it’s fun…” 

“Oh will you stop fucking harping on that?” You shoved off the bed and stalked over to him in the doorway. “It’s ancient history! Think it’s time to get over the fact that your brother decided to pick up your broken toy…” 

“You think that’s why I’m pissed?” He asked, brows raised. 

You ignored him, dropping to your knees and yanking his shirt up. He stopped breathing and you checked his wound before getting to your feet. 

“In a few hours I’ll change your dressing,” you said, looking up at him as you stood almost shockingly close to him. You could see the pulse in his throat. “Leave me alone until then.” 

He clenched his jaw, looking you up and down, before storming off, yanking the door shut behind him. 

Day 2 

You waited until you heard the bathroom door close before you emerged. You were officially out of jerky and sitting in a room full of Tommy’s things while being sharply aware that he was thousands of miles away from you was wearing on you fast. You needed something - anything - to distract you. 

So you darted to the kitchen, grabbed a bag of jerky, and paused on your way past Joel’s room, his door cracked open. If you were quick…

You opened the, the hinges creaking, and ducked inside. 

It was neat, orderly. Like you remembered it being years ago when you were together. There were little signs of him everywhere, enough that you’d have recognized the room as his even if you’d walked into it in a strange place a thousand miles away. Little carvings on the window sill, the watch you’d helped Sarah picked for his birthday gift on the nightstand, a cracked Springsteen CD case sitting next to a worn boom box. You resisted the urge to touch the booklet and see if it fell open to a specific page, if you could tell what he’d been looking for when picking that album. 

Instead, you went to the bookshelf that was collapsing, worn boards sagging between cinderblocks. You recognized Joel’s taste in books, a little more in line with your own. You found a Cormac McCarthy book you hadn’t read with a spine that looked comfortably warn and pulled it, almost reverently, off the shelf. 

“The hell you doin’?” 

You jumped, almost dropping the book and the bag of jerky. 

“Sorry…” 

“I say you could come in here?” 

He was standing in the doorway in pajamas, his pants slung low on his hips, t-shirt stretched over his broad shoulders. 

“I am bored out of my mind,” you said, squaring your jaw even though you knew you shouldn’t be in his room. “I got desperate.” 

“You think that’s a reason to just waltz in…” 

“No, but…” 

“Sure acting like it!” 

“Is hating me fun for you?” You snapped. “Because it sure seems like it is! I don’t know why you’d work this hard at it if it wasn’t.” 

He looked you up and down for a moment. 

“Just get the fuck out of here,” he stepped to the side and you ducked around him, all but running back to the room you’d claimed as your own. 

You settled in on the bed with your new book, resting it on your knees and trying to forget how mad Joel had been just because you dared set foot in his room, as though you didn’t live together once in another life. It had been so easy for him to forget. You’d been so easy for him to forget. 

You opened the book and tried to get absorbed in the story but were having a hard time focusing, shifting around on the bed and hoping that a more comfortable position might make it so you could let yourself fall into it. You were changing positions for the third time when something fell out of the book and flitted like a leaf down to the worn quilt. You frowned, picking it up and turning it over in your hands. 

It was a picture. A picture of you. 

“What?” You whispered to yourself, eyebrows knitting together. 

It was a photo you recognized. Derek had it in his bedroom and he’d taken it without you knowing. You were folded into an armchair in his living room, a book in your hands, hair wild with a ribbon in to keep it out of your face. When he’d developed the photo, you remembered the day he’d taken it. One of the few that you had off from both jobs in the QZ. It had been warm that day, you hadn’t bothered to put on a bra or even pants, sitting around Derek’s place in a pair of his boxers and a tank top. He’d fucked you that morning, before it got too hot, and the two of you spent the day not moving much otherwise, not wanting to spend hours sticky with sweat and miserable. 

The day stuck out to you, though, not because of the heat or because you got to spend it somewhere besides the clinic or the school. Instead, it was because it reminded you of summer days in Austin with Joel. Trying not to run the AC too much, you sat far apart on the couch wearing as little as possible with Sarah coming and going from the house with friends. He would bring you glasses of ice water or lemonade almost every time he got up, his lips finding your forehead when he pressed the cold glass into your palm, his large hand finding your ankle because he had to be touching you in some way without making both of you miserable in the heat. 

And now Joel had a picture from that day, the one where he’d been on your mind the whole time, so much that you’d given up on trying not to think of him. 

You weren’t sure how he’d gotten it. Derek may have given him a copy if he’d asked but you didn’t know how he knew it existed. And why would he want a copy in the first place? 

You looked a little closer at it, the corners curling, edges peeling. Like it had been held a lot. There was a discolored almost halo around the edges of you, like someone had been tracing over the outline of you over and over again. 

There was a sharp knock on your door and you stuffed the photo into the book again. 

“What?” You asked, tone softer than it had been when speaking to Joel in years. 

“Mind checkin’ this damn wound?” He asked through the door, his voice oddly gentle. “Since you’re here and all. Make yourself useful.” 

“Yeah,” you said. “Yeah, of course. No problem.” 

You made sure the photo was tucked away and set the book on the nightstand, keeping your fingers crossed that Joel didn’t realize which book you’d taken. 

***

Joel didn’t like that you’d taken to hiding in Tommy’s old room. 

He didn’t like that you were still here. Or so he tried to tell himself. Really, he didn’t like that you were still here without being here, like you were the ghost in his house in the same way it seemed you’d spent most of the last decade. You were just more corporeal now. 

He was used to you crossing his mind all the time. Used to the feeling that, any second now, you’d come around the corner as you finished braiding your hair or with a little bottle of nail polish in your hand or a book in fucking French tucked below your arm. He knew what to do with that. 

He didn’t know what to do with you actually here, in such close quarters. Especially not when you seemed to find such comfort in just the memory of his fucking brother - his brother who had damn near gotten you killed - and not Joel, who was actually here. 

Joel stared down the hall at Tommy’s - your - door. His wound ached. You’d checked it earlier, said there was no sign of infection and that things were coming along well. You refreshed his bandages and he’d try not to think about the way the soft skin of your arm felt when you brushed against his exposed flesh. 

That had been hours ago. He hadn’t heard a word from you since, not even the squeak of the mattress as you shifted and moved in ways he knew so well but couldn’t see. 

He shoved himself to his feet with a pained grunt and went to the door, the one that seemed to fucking haunt him now. He knocked once. 

“Yeah?” 

Your voice sounded thick. 

“Want a drink?” He asked. You were quiet. He pressed on. “Figured it was better than drinkin’ alone.” 

He gave you a minute and was about to give up on you responding when he heard small creaks on the other side of the door before it opened. 

“Whatcha got?” 

It took a few whiskeys before you stopped being quite so stiff at his kitchen table and Joel pulled out a deck of cards that had to have been old before the world fell apart but had somehow managed to stay complete. 

“Game’s Gin,” he said, dealing. “Remember how to play?” 

You rolled your eyes. 

“I’m not a total idiot, Miller.”

It was strange, drinking around you. Spending time with you in ways that weren’t required, being able to look at you in ways beyond brief, desperate glances driven by the subconscious need to never, ever forget just how you looked. The precise way your eyes were shaped or your brow arched or lips curved, the exact shade of your skin and your hair and your eyes. Because as much as he didn’t want to need these things, he did. He needed to know these parts of you the way a scholar needed to know his subject, with this obsessive, aching drive for more. 

It had never been enough before, the little pieces he was able to collect when you and Tess were distracted with other things and he could take in the new way your skin creased around your eyes, and it somehow wasn’t enough now, memorizing the way you pursed your lips as you organized your hand and the way your hair had fallen out of the braid that was tight against your skull. 

“Need somethin’ to change into?” Joel asked eventually. 

“Hm?” You looked at him over your cards. 

“Just…” he nodded to you. “Still wearin’ what you were when we came back from the run. Need somethin’ to change into?” 

“Oh,” you looked down at yourself and then shrugged. “I mean, I won’t argue with it but I don’t want to put you out. It’s not like anyone’s getting close enough to smell me. Oh God, please tell me you can’t smell me from across the table…” 

“No, Kid,” he laughed a little and took a sip of whiskey. “Can’t… can’t smell you.” 

He wondered if, below the grime of the world outside, you still smelled like lavender. 

“If you’ve got some stuff I can borrow then,” you shrugged before grabbing a card. Your face lit up a bit and you set a card down before fanning out your cards in front of you. “Gin.” 

“Well shit,” he said, looking over your cards. “You win.” 

Day 3 

He left you something to wear outside your door. 

Joel stared at the wall most of the night, telling himself it was because the fucking bullet hole was hurting more than it had been but that was bullshit. It had faded to a dull pain, one that was easily tolerable and certainly not enough to keep him up at night. 

No, instead he stared at the wall that he knew you were just beyond. His mind went over and over your face again and again, logging every single facet so he’d know the next time he was away from you for a while. But that wasn’t enough, either. He wanted to hear you breathing as you slept, wanted to salt away that information, too. He needed it, needed to add it to his collection of you. 

But you were out of reach. Asleep in his brother’s bed, the place where you’d chosen to be all those years ago and now left Joel wondering if you’d ever really left. If you’d ever have chosen Joel at all or if he’d just been a stop gap, a thing keeping you from Tommy all this time. 

It would have made sense, when he considered it. You were always softer and more open than Joel, always more like Tommy in that way. Maybe all he’d ever been was a placeholder. 

He was still awake when he heard you get up in the morning, heard you pause at the door before going to the bathroom and starting the shower. 

He hoped he’d find your hair in his shower later. 

Your hair was down and wet when you emerged, cautiously coming into the kitchen where Joel was making the shittiest excuse for coffee with instant packets that had expired so long ago it seemed like a miracle there was anything usable at all. You were in one of his flannels and sweatpants, the legs cuffed so you wouldn’t trip, your arms crossed tight over yourself. 

“Morning,” you said, glancing at him like he was a predator and you were prey. 

“Morning,” he said. “Feelin’ better?” 

“Yes, actually,” you said. He held a mug out to you and you took it with a slight frown. “Thank you.” 

He just nodded stiffly. 

“If you want to lie down,” you nodded toward the couch. “I can check your dressings again. The good news is, this might be the last time I really need to do it so…” 

Joel shrugged and obeyed, trying not to think about the sense of panic that flared in his chest at the thought of you not touching him anymore. 

It was something Joel had found almost impossible to hold within himself. There was this constant yearning, a pull towards you that was as persistent as gravity and twice as strong. He needed to be close enough to touch you, hold you, protect you. He needed to be close enough to love you. 

But standing in sharp contrast was the cold threat of you. The painful grip of it always there at the edges when he lived too long in the memory of loving you. It was a cruel and constant thing - one of the few constants Joel had found in his life in the QZ. He could let his mind wander to the memory of you asleep in his arms but, linger there too long, and the memory shifted to you pale and bleeding and nearly dead as he ran with your broken body to the clinic. The thought of you laughing all full and free with your hand on his chest would twist into you reaching for him and screaming as you were dragged away by raiders. Hell, spend too long trying to savor the memory of being deep inside you, the look on your face as you came undone under his touch, and his mind pulled him down into what McCarthy had described doing to you years ago. 

All it took was a second, a moment of Joel not protecting you when he should and you could wind up there again. He didn’t know how to live with that. He wasn’t sure he’d ever figured out how to live with loving you at a distance, either. Something that had become harsh and clear in the days the two of you had been locked down in his apartment. 

“This is looking good,” you said, nodding to yourself. Your hands were on his stomach.  “Think I can trust you not to fuck it up from here, don’t need me messing around with it anymore…” 

You got up and held your hand out, helping Joel sit up without pulling too much at his wound. 

“Thanks,” he said. “For making sure I don’t drop dead.” 

“Yeah, well,” you shrugged. “It’s what I do.” 

You gave him a tight smile and went back down the hall, Joel frowning after you for a moment before following. He knocked on the door and he heard you sigh before opening it a few seconds later. 

“Yes?” 

“Don’t…” Joel realized he didn’t really have a good reason to be standing at your door. “Don’t have to keep hidin’ in here. Sure you’re going stir crazy… Just come out here and…” 

“Do you really think that’s a good idea?” You asked, brows raised. “We’ve managed to not kill each other so far, I don’t know that we want to push it.” 

“You really think being in the same room is gonna be pushing it?” 

You laughed a little and crossed your arms protectively over yourself. 

“Honestly? Yeah, kind of. I mean, Joel, come on. This is the most time we’ve spent together just the two of us since my first trip outside the QZ and we both know how that ended…” 

“Yeah,” Joel scoffed, his blood getting hot as he saw you standing there, in his brother’s room, next to his brother’s bed. “Ended with you hating me and jumping into bed with my fuckin’ brother…” 

“Jesus Christ, you cannot be serious,” you pinched the bridge of your nose. “Joel…” 

“What?” He propped an arm against the door frame, holding himself back from stalking into Tommy’s old room like he wanted to. “That not what fuckin’ happened? You all but disappear for months and the next thing I know you’re with him. What was it, hm? Was I just who you settled for because you thought he wasn’t interested? That it?” 

“No!” 

“You just waitin’ for a chance to…” 

“I was only with him because you left!” 

You yelled it at him. You so rarely yelled, usually so measured and soft and kind in damn near everything you did. He went quiet, the silence hanging heavy between you. 

“Do you think I was interested in him before?” You asked, quieter this time. “It was always you, Joel. From the day I met you, it was always you and you’re the one who left me. You’re the one who made me live without you after you made me love you and you don’t get to judge me for what I did to survive you hating me. Yeah, I probably fucked up with Tommy, by having him be anything more than a friend but I was so alone because you made me be so alone! You left me, Joel! I’m sorry I didn’t sit there and wait for you to decide you gave a shit again, I’m sorry I tried to find some semblance of a life without you because losing you was going fucking kill me if I didn’t! So stop holding Tommy against me, stop blaming me for what I had to do to survive losing you, what I’m still doing to survive losing you, because out of all the shitty things that have happened in my life that might just be the worst one!” 

Your eyes were shiny with tears and you were standing closer to him than he’d really realized until that moment and his hands were on your skin before he fully understood what he was doing. All he knew was he needed to touch you, feel you, taste you. 

His lips were on yours and swallowed the small, surprised squeak that slipped from you as he kissed you, mouth hot and needy against you. 

He’d expected you to push him back, to be mad or hurt. Instead, you threw your arms around his neck, body curving and arching into his. Your fingers tangled and knotted in his hair and you pressed yourself so tightly against him that he could feel every line of you through his clothes. 

“Joel,” you pulled away from him ever so slightly, sounding needy and breathless. “We shouldn’t do this…” 

“Why.” 

“We don’t work,” you tugged him closer but kept your lips from him. “We just hurt each other. And you have Tess, I have Derek, it’s not…” 

“Tell me you don’t want this,” he cut you off, his eyes searching yours. “Tell me to stop and I’ll stop.” 

For half a moment, Joel thought you were going to. But you didn’t. Instead, you kissed him again, a sense of urgency on your lips, like you were trying to devour him and he longed for you to swallow him up until there was nothing left. 

He pulled you into the hall, pressing you back against the wall and ignoring the pain at his hip when he did. In that moment, he didn’t care if it killed him. He needed to be inside you, to feel you close and tight around him. Being without you now would be a more painful end than ripping himself open inside, what difference did a bullet hole make? 

Joel pushed his leg from his uninjured side between your knees, shoving them apart and pulling your hips down on his thigh. You ground down against him and moaned into his mouth as you worked your core on his leg. 

“Fuck,” you breathed, pulling ever so slightly away from him, your pupils blown and lips swollen. “Joel, you’re hurt, we shouldn’t…” 

“Don’t care,” he pressed his mouth to your throat, earning him a delicious moan that hung in his ears like syrup on the tongue. “Need you, Baby. Need you so fuckin’ bad…” 

You clutched yourself closer to him, rocking your hips on him as he pulled you back from the wall and maneuvered you to his room, his bed, the place he woke up every day and looked for you, some part of his subconscious knowing that he belonged next to you. 

Your fingers pulled at his shirt, tugging it up and over his head before casting it aside and he nudged you onto the bed, taking his shirt off your body, too. 

“Joel…” you were sitting back on your elbows, the soft fullness of your chest bared to him as he crawled between your legs. “I can’t… I can’t do this and go back to being nothing to you, Joel, I can’t…” 

He looked in your eyes, a pain in them that he found sadly familiar now but it was harsher than he was used to, like you couldn’t keep it contained now so it was laid bare. 

“Oh, Baby,” he breathed, his hands finding your waist. You closed your eyes at his touch, breath catching in your throat. “You’re everything to me, everything. Always have been.” 

His lips moved to your throat, kissing and biting at the tender skin there as he pulled your pants down and off, you lifting your hips to help before putting your hand down his front to take hold of his cock with a moan. Joel moaned, too. He couldn’t help it, your touch was burned into his memory, what he longed for more than anything else and you were touching him. Your thumb grazed the head of his cock and he shuddered at the contact, whole body on fire with aching and desperate want. 

“Need you,” he panted into your lips. “Fuck, need inside you…” 

“Good,” you pressed your body against his and he felt his head graze your soft mound. “Because I need you, too. Never stopped…” 

He kissed you and pushed you into the bed before pressing his cock into your wet heat. You moaned as you took him into yourself, your back arching. You were so warm and tight around him, Joel had to focus to not come from just the feel of your body clutching onto him. 

“Goddamn,” he looked down to where he was buried in you to the root, your fingers sinking into his bicep as you panted for breath. He could feel you breathing, feel your heartbeat from inside you. Why had he wasted so much of his life fighting this when he could have been with you instead? In that moment - when he was buried deep inside of you and he could feel you everywhere, in everything - the fear he’d been so desperately fighting against faded to nothing. There was just you and everything you held, the whole of all his wanting looking up at him in quiet desperation. “Forgot… forgot just how good you feel, holy fuck.” 

“Need you to move,” your nails dug into his arm. “Fuck, please Joel, need you to move, please…” 

He wasn’t about to say no, even as your already tight walls clenched around him. He dropped his head to your chest and pulled out of you almost entirely, until just his head was left within you, before thrusting back in hard and deep. He kissed you again as he did, swallowing your needy sounds. 

Joel tried to hold back, the echo of some pain in his body and his mind, but he was too overwhelmed by you for it to last long. You met his every thrust, working your hips back up against his own as he fucked into you. 

“Fuck, Joel,” you wrapped one arm around his shoulders, digging your fingertips into his skin as he felt you getting so tight around him it almost hurt. “Fuck, I’m gonna… Joel, I’m gonna come, I can’t…” 

“Do it,” he slid an arm below your waist and pulled you tight and flush to his body, needing to feel as much of your skin as he possibly could. “Come for me, come for me, Baby, need to feel you, have to feel you, fuck Baby…” 

You whimpered and keened as your tight channel pulsed around his thick cock, squeezing him so tight it was like your body was pulling his own orgasm out of him. 

“I’m comin’ Baby,” he pressed into you deep and hard and you clung to him as he came undone, emptying himself into you. “I’m comin’, fuck, I’m comin’ so fucking hard, Goddamn…” 

He collapsed on top of you, his cock still twitching inside you. He couldn’t remember the last time he came that hard, felt quite that drained when he was done. His head rested on your chest, your heartbeat heavy against his cheek as your fingers trailed through his hair and his cock softened inside you. 

“Fuck,” he was still panting for breath when he pressed a kiss to your breast bone and slid from your body, the pain at his hip suddenly back with a vengeance, as he collapsed beside you. 

“We shouldn’t have done that,” you said quietly, turning your head to look at him. 

“Baby…” 

“We shouldn’t,” you said, your voice thick. “You’re hurt…” 

“Good think you’re a doctor.” 

You glared at him. 

“We just blew up our entire lives, Joel,” you said quietly, eyes wet. “I’m with Derek and I just fucked you because, what, you loved me once and felt bad letting me get shot in the QZ? This was stupid, this was so…” 

“No,” he shook his head. 

“No?” You raised your eyebrows at him. “No what?” 

“No to all of it,” he said. “I didn’t blow up a damn thing. I just finally was able to admit to myself that there isn’t anything to blow up without you, don’t want any of it without you.” 

“Joel…” 

“Been too scared of it all to admit that,” he pressed on. “But I can’t keep living like that, Baby. I can’t. And I don’t think you can, either.

“We’ve already wasted too much damn time,” he continued. “But I’m not wasting another minute of it, not when I could be with you. Not sayin’ there’s not shit to figure out - pretty sure we got a decade’s worth of it - but don’t ask me to waste more time. Please. Not when it comes to you.” 

Your eyes held his as you reached a hand forward and carefully, delicately, cupped his cheek, your thumb tracing his cheekbone. He brushed his lips against the inside of your wrist, feeling the flutter of your pulse against his mouth. 

“Think we can figure it out?” You asked. You sounded so uncertain, so afraid. 

Joel’s large hand covered your own, holding you against his chin. 

“Yeah,” he said quietly. “With you, think we can figure anything out.” 

[badasmuse]

“BeBe’s Bodyguard”

Team Bebe x Reader

Warnings: mentions of blood, mentions of a knife, mentions of a stabbing, cute ending tho, language, lowercase intended (you already know)

Summary: you’re bebe’s bodyguard. what could possibly go wrong?

“sowon and chaeyoung can you two please stop running off?” you ask. it’s not really a question but you’re trying. they’ve been disappearing for the past twenty minutes.

“oops sorry y/n-nim!” sowon says bowing.

you’ve been their bodyguard for a long time. you automatically became close because you’re the only female bodyguard they have. they trusted you immensely.

“just stay in the area. i don’t want anything happening to you.” you say standing behind them as they looked for things.

moments later, the others walked up with the other three bodyguards on duty.

“y/n!!” bada says excitedly. she pulls you into her and steps back. “look at what i bought.”

“i will when we get in the car bada.” you say pushing her items back into her bag. “head count i only see six.”

“i’m behind you!” you hear tatter’s sweet voice say.

“all of you are gonna be on punishment.” you mumble making sure they’re all good before walking towards the mall exit.

you take your place up front next to bada. sad to say, she is the more popular one of the seven, so fans tend to rush after her. they rush all the girls, don’t get me wrong, but recently they’ve been rushing bada a lot more due to her girl crush concept blowing up. so bada now has two guards on her whole the other two guards stand in the middle and at the end of the line.

“y/n,” bada says looking up, “i bought you something too!” she says excitedly.

“that’s sweet bada.” you say pushing her hands back down gently. “show me in the car.” you say again.

you can see a crowd when you get to the door, some people are next to the van. “alright girls, hold onto the person in front of you. don’t step out of line.”

“aye aye captain!”

“lusher..” you groan before grabbing onto bada as your coworker opens the door for you.

“bada! bada you’re so cool!”

“oh my gosh bada unnie you’re so pretty!”

“minah i love you!

“tatter your hair looks so good!”

“lusher unnie we missed you!”

the comments come fast as you hold onto bada’s waist and gently push through the crowd.

you get about three feet from the van when you see them. some fan, maybe a fake fan, comes running right towards bada. since her head is down, bada doesn’t see it. she just feels your grip tighten and being pulled to the other side.

you grab the fan quickly, safely dropping her to the ground. the fan tries to get out of your hold and you feel something scratch at your arm. you ignore it trying to calm her down.

the other guards get the girls in the car, shutting the door before helping you with the person you have pinned.

“y/n you’re bleeding.” one says.

you look at your arm then down at the girl's hand, noticing the knife she has. “oh what the fuck.” you say.

she’s quickly disarmed and you walk to the van getting in with the girls and huffing.

“what’s wrong y/n?” kyma asks.

“she cut me. i can’t see it. is this bad?” you turn your arm towards the girls and they gasp.

“y/n that’s a lot of blood!” lusher exclaims grabbing tissues. “you might need stitches that’s really deep.”

after the situation is over and everyone’s in the van, the girls are quickly brought back to their respective homes and you’re taken to a nearby hospital. doctors told you to take it easy for a few days so you did. you spent a week in your little apartment recovering. of course the girls sent you plenty of messages saying how they missed you. (especially bada. she sent messages back to back like she was bangchan on bubble- but let’s not get into that.)

you were excited to be back at work. you missed the girls and their antics. they didn’t know when you were coming back and they definitely didn’t think it would be today.

it was tuesday, so team bebe were at the studio practicing. you quietly open the door and peak your head in.

“lusher you’re doing it wrong!” bada stresses.

“no i’m not! i’m doing it like everyone else, you're wrong!” she says back.

“do it again from the top.” bada plays the music and watches in the mirror as everyone dances. lusher was right, bada was wrong.

“told you!”

“whatever. let’s keep going.” she grumbles.

“oh bada,” you say stepping in, “that’s not nice. apologize to lusher.”

“y/n!!!” the girls exclaim rubbing towards you. you immediately put your injured arm up then gently let it down around them.

“are you back? we missed you so much!! bada has been mean the whole time you were gone.” kyma speaks up.

you make eye contact with bada as she sulks against the mirror. she turns the other way without saying anything. “why don’t you girls take a break so i can talk to bada.” you whisper. they nod and make their way out the door.

“hi bada.” you say approaching her.

“i was worried.” she says, still looking away.

“i texted you everyday. why were you being mean to my kids?”

bada doesn’t respond. she pouts looking down at the ground. you put your finger under her chin raising her head, “i asked a question.”

her face turns red and she clears her throat, “y/n i like you. oh that is not what i wanted to say.” she says covering her mouth.

“babe it was painfully obvious. that doesn’t answer why you’ve been mean to the kids. did not seeing me everyday throw you off?”

she nods.

“that’s cute. you owe them a big apology. give them the day off then let me take you out.” you say leaning on the mirror.

“you… wanna take me out? okay.” she giggles walking towards the door. she opens it and the six kids fall to the floor.

“h-hi!” they stutter.

you shake your head, “kids.”

Taglist (open! comment to be added!): @waveartistry @sun-nyy @yngtort @jennamc75 @m0r0s1111 @seungxstar @badasbebe @lil-elliesgf @currentfications

a/n: this was a request! hope you like it! i have frostbite guys🧍🏽frostbite on my thumbs and pinkies, four more requests, and eight things i’m trying to write. idk what i’m going to do. send help. pls.

[anemptypuddingcup]

🌹 this is probably super basic… but perhaps Ichiji + breeding,,he has infected my brain.

A rose for:

Ichiji! W Breeding!

You dusted at the furniture with your feather duster while humming a sweet tune, your eyes brewing with life as you dealt with your daily chores for the day. The sound of footsteps slowly making their way down the hall causes you to freeze, and you turn around and face the door.

The doorknob slowly turned before the door opens and in comes Ichiji while you hear a heavy sigh leave his lips. “Welcome home love, is everything alright?” You asked him, giving him a little look of worry while you noticed him looking at you through his shades.

His glare causes you to shiver and you sigh out shakily before continuing to dust. Ichiji slowly walks over to you before softly grabbing your wrist, his hand taking the duster out of your hand whilst he gave you a deepened smooch against your lips.

“Mmh- I-Ichiji- I-I’m cleaning right now- AH!”

Ichiji sweeps you up off of your feet, his strong arms carrying you bridal style while your face flushed with slight embarrassment.

“I-Ichiji? P-Put me down! I have to clean!”

“How’s about you and I finally have some children of our own?…I…I need to see you pregnant…now. I need you swollen with my children!”

You mewled out shakily at his words, your cunt pulsating heavily underneath that soft dress of yours. You both have been considering this decision for a while, and you knew would eventually your loving husband run out of patience at some point.

“M-Mhh…I-I don’t m-mind that I-Ichiji…Please…Breed me to your hearts content~”

…

“Oogh!~ Mmh I-Ichiji! D-Dear, I just c-came- P-Please!~” A heavy gasp spilled past your lips as you stared down at Ichiji’s sticky cum-coated cock sliding in and out of your soaking pussy so vigorously. “Deal with it, I’m gonna make you cum until you fucking can’t anymore.” He huffs, his red eyes practically staring into your soul as he groans out shakily from your pussy squeezing around him.

“I need to see you full, you have to be full of my seed~ I wanna see your tummy full with our children to bear~ I need to fucking- Ah!- B-Breed you!~”

“I won’t stop until your pussy’s too full with my seed. I won’t stop until you can’t walk for the next few days. I won’t stop until I see seed spilling out of your pussy for the rest of the week.”

You stare up at him with surprise in your eyes and your cunt tightens around his length, making him smirk before he continued.

A sharp and deep thrust against your pussy causes you to cry out in ecstasy, your pussy full and spilling out thick seed and overstimulated by your adoring husband. You knew it was going to be a long night, but you slowly wrap your arms around his neck and kissed him lovingly.

God, he’s so excited to see your tummy swollen with his kids. He could hardly wait.

“I’ll feed this pussy full ‘till it can’t take anymore.”

[sunray-222]

Angel Baby. | M.S

pairing: matt sturniolo and y/n

summary: in which matt and his brothers are a pretty big deal in a small town. y/n, who is the daughter of a school teacher and a fireman has never understood the hype around those sturniolo boys anyways. however, when matt takes her home to save her from pouring rain, she decides to give him a chance.

warnings: cursing, short chapter, lmk if i missed anything

————————————————————————

“so, tonight?” matt asked, standing beside you against the lockers. “if you don’t stop asking me, the answer is going to change i promise you.” you laughed, pulling the bag over your shoulder.

“i’m just excited, y/n.” he laughed, gently pushing your side. “i know, i know.” and it was true. matt was excited, and as bad as you tried to fight the thought, you wondered if he was excited for the wrong reasons.

he had a history. of talking girls up, just to never show. he was tough, rude, loud, but with you he was soft. was he like this with every girl he lets down?

the thoughts didn’t have long to linger, as he pressed on with another question. “so we can go to the drive in, and watch a movie…or watch a movie.” he teased, and that’s when a whole new string of fears crossed your mind.

“is that what you think this is gonna be?”

his face completely dropped. “what? no-no y/n i was just joking, i promise i’m not like what you think- i- it was just a stupid joke i shouldn’t have said it. i’m sorry.”

“it’s um, it’s alright matt.. i’ve gotta catch my science class i’ll see you later.” you smiled, quickly walking away from the boy.

you fucking idiot matt thought to himself. in all honesty, he was kidding. and up until this point he’d never been serious about a girl, never talking to one for longer than 48 hours. you were a whole new territory for him. and that scared him.

“oh, hey y/n!” nick beamed, he’d never spoken to you before this. “hey,” you said breathlessly, not realizing how quick you’d walked to avoid matt. “are you excited for tonight?” his eyes danced across your face, looking hopeful for his brother. “oh, yeah i’m over the moon.” you laughed, opening your notebook to a fresh page.

“well, good. because i’ve never seen matt look so excited for something.”

and that’s when all your anxieties came back. you’ll never understand why the reassurance makes you second guess, maybe it’s because you’re letting your guard down, maybe it’s because you’re reading too far into matt’s past. whatever it was, you were beyond sick and tired of the feeling.

the day dragged on, you listened to madi gush to nadia about her phone calls with chris, but the one thing on your mind was matt.

what he was doing, what was he wearing tonight? even worse, what were you going to wear? most little girls dream of their first dates, how beautiful they’ll be, everything. you were different, while those were the goals they had, you had envisioned life away from your town. you had no idea what to do here.

what you didn’t know, was matt didn’t either. even going as far as to forge a letter from his parents, saying he and his brothers had a doctors appointment just so they could leave early and go find an outfit for him.

“this is ridiculous,” chris laughed. “would you shut the fuck up.” matt huffed from inside the dressing room, fixing the collar of the shirt before walking out. “how do i look?”

“like ice cube. pop a few buttons tough guy,” chris laughed, however nick seen how serious his brother was. “maybe try a different one, one that’s more you and not what you think y/n will like.” nick explained, fighting the smile and the urge to laugh at chris’ joke.

“would you quit being a dick!” nick hissed, popping chris on the arm as matt disappeared into the dressing room. “nick, dude looked like he was gonna bust out rapping straight outta compton at any second. i’m trying to help him.”

“well thank you for being honest about his outfit choices dickhead, but if he’s too far into his head he’ll fuck the whole date up with y/n. please just be gentle when you don’t like something, for the love of fucking christ.” nick explained, lightly hitting his forehead for emphasis. chris only rolled his eyes, waiting to see what his brother walked out in next.

“so you have a date tonight?” your mom asked, a wide grin on her face as you stepped into the house. you gave a simple ‘mhm’ as a response, making your way to your room. “where is madi, i figured she’d love to help you get ready,” she asked, resting her hand on the railing to the stairs.

“she’s waiting for her guy to call her. i gotta get ready mom,” you called back, shutting your door just before she could answer.

you laid back flat against your bed, your hands covering your face immediately. “what did i get myself into?!” you groaned, sitting up and connecting your phone to the speaker.

in some way the music calmed you as you made your way to the closet. you landed on a simple plain black top, and baggy jeans. for hair, you kept it simple, same with makeup. by any standards, you looked like you were just hanging out, not a date.

but the truth was, that was the real you. the you that you wanted matt to see you as. if this was going to work at all, matt had to see you for you.

the next two hours flew by, and finally there was a knock at your door.

“hi,” you smiled, only to cut yourself off

it was nick at your door.

“hey, y/n i’m sorry to do this, matt’s not feeling the best. i think tonight’s a no go. he’ll call later, i gotta head out. i’m sorry.”

and then he was gone.

maybe you were right about matt.

-

i’m sorry to do this to yalll and i’m sorry it took this long annnd i’m sorry this is short. part 3 soon swea 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

[ccscocoapuffs]

Caught- Mark Hoffman Smut

PROMPT: Coming to visit Mark in his office usually goes one outta two ways. first option, you bring him some homemade dinner, you talk to him for a minute, kiss him a bit, then be on your way or you come in sit on his lap, tease him, and then he bends you over his desk and has his way with you. Today was an option two kinda day. I think it's safe to say I shouldn't have visited Mark at lunch wearing this skirt. Then again maybe it was the best choice I've made all day. I had simply just walked in and sat down in the detectives lap while he remained on the phone for a few more moments. When the moments had sense past, before I could even greet him with a kiss like I always do, He had lifted me up and bent me over his desk. " Little slut, did you wear this skirt for me?" "You know I did, I wanna look pretty for you" "Yeah is that why you ain't got on no panties?" Mark's hand tailed up underneath my skirt slowly rubbing through my already wet folds. "I just now touched you and you're wet, are you that much of a slut for me?" "yes..." Before i could finish my answer, I felt a sharp sting come down on my ass. " Yes what, princess?" *Smack* "Yes sir" *Smack* "Good girl" I heard the sound of Mark undoing his belt and couldn't help but clench my thighs together for the much needed friction I'm craving while I wait. Mark smacked my ass once more turning it a bright shade of red from the repeating blows he had been giving me. "keep your fuckin glegs open, you understand me?" "Yes, sir" "Behave, or ill make you walk out of this fucking office with cum dripping down your face". I felt Mark slowly push the tip of his cock up against my folds, slowly sliding it through them over and over. "Mark....please" "please what?" "fuck me...". Mark slammed into me without warning and began to thrust over and over again into my dripping heat. I couldn't help but to moan at the feeling of him stretching my walls open. "Shhhh now princess, you don't want the others to hear you now do you?" "no....F-fuck". Mark's fingers traveled down to my clit and began to furiously rub the aching bud while his other hand pulled me by my hair till I was flush against his chest. "You're so wet for me, when I get home later, I'M gonna put you over my knee and smack this ass till its bruised....fuck you're tight". Mark began to go deeper and deeper with each thrust, each one bringing me closer and closer to the edge I have so patiently longed for. "Awww are you gonna cum already, Princess? I'm not fucking done yet". Just as I fell on the verge of my orgasm, Mark pulled out of me. "Marrrrk! no! i wanna cum, please let me cum!" "poor babygirl.....daddy will let you cum sweet pea, I wanna taste you first, is that alright with you?" "mmmhmm".

Mark turned me around and sat me on the edge of his desk before getting down on his knees. If there's one thing in this world Mark Hoffman is good at, it's eating pussy. Hence why I couldn't help the damn near scream that came outta me when he shoved his face deep into my pussy. Between Mark's fingers pumping in and out of me and his mouth endless sucking on my clit, my orgasm came past approaching. My stomach tied in knots that ached to be released. "come on baby, cum for me". I couldn't hold on any longer as I let go, my juices coating Mark's face and fingers as it dripped down my legs and to the floor. "Hey, Hoffman do you have those files finished for-" Before my eyes had even opened from the intense release i had just felt, Detective Rigg had walked into Mark's office unannounced. "oh fuck.....umm....I'll just...I'm sorry....bye now" "The files are on my desk, Rigg" "I'll uh get them later." The detective quickly slammed the door shut and ran off down the hallway. " oh my god I can never walk back in here again!" "Oh please it's just Rigg, what's the odds of him walking in again? besides I love it when you come see me on my breaks, It's nice to see you, especially on days I won't be home till later" " Fine, i'll keep visiting but If Rigg walks in again either we never fuck here again or it's just bad luck" "Here's to hoping for epic bad luck".

A/N: EpIC BaD luCk, also I was lowkey super insecure to post this because I haven't wrote a fic in so long. hope you Hoffman Hoes in enjoy it!- sincerely, CC a fellow Hoffman Hoe.

[joels-golf-club]

Exhaustion

A/n: So this turned out way more angsty than I originally planned it to be but whatever. I also kinda hate it but I just wanted to write a little bit to get back into the swing of things.

All my work is 18+ MDI

Word count: 1.7K

Warnings: Lowkey angsty but fluff at the end, kinda established relationship, reader doesn't know how to cope, miscommunication, implied traumatic past, mention of nightmares, post outbreak! Joel, no use of Y/n, swearing, self harm in the form of sleep deprivation if that's a thing. Please don't read if any of this is triggering to you.

When you were out on the road it was easy to avoid your nightmares. You would barely sleep in between watches with Joel, and when you did it was a light enough sleep that you wouldn't ever dream.

But in Jackson it was different. It took a few months to get adjusted to the new way of life, the somewhat normal life in the commune. Once you, Ellie and Joel had gotten used to the new town you had quickly fallen into a routine. Ellie would go to school while you and Joel took patrols with each other before coming back home to share a bed. For a while you would still sleep light enough that your dreams, or rather nightmares couldn't reach you in Joel's strong embrace, but eventually you got comfortable and your past crawled it's way into your subconscious.

On more than one occasion you had jolted awake in a panic not knowing where you were while Joel was forced to calm you down. It was these moments that filled you with guilt and shame. Joel had been through just as much, if not more than you had and he didn't need you ruining what little sleep he got just because you couldn't handle something that you had escaped from over a year ago. It was then that you decided to push through and suck it up. If Joel could handle a little trauma, then so could you.

So as the days went on you forced yourself to sleep as little as possible. Sure it made you a little jumpier on patrol but so far Joel hadn't noticed and you hoped he would just chalk the bags under your eyes up to long patrols nights and 'waking up' earlier than usual. You had made it almost a month sleeping just enough to keep you functioning, which meant about an hour or two a night, before Joel decided to corner you during patrol.

"So you gonna tell me what's going on with you?" He spoke one day while you were hiking up to a abandoned hunting cabin that had been shaped into a patrol outpost you two occasionally spent a weekend on patrol at.

His words caused you to momentarily freeze up during which he sent a glance over his shoulder at you, eyeing your reaction. "What do you mean?" The words left your mouth carefully with no emotion as you tried to focus on anything other than your pounding headache and the way Joel kept glancing back at you. Just another mile and then you would avoid Joel at the cabin. You've held off this conversation for a month, you could do it for another 30 minutes.

Joel, however, seem to think otherwise. He scoffed at your response and stopped walking, causing you to pause for a moment before walking past him towards the cabin. Just a little more...

"Don't bullshit me, darlin'. You're shaking and sweating right now just walking when you can usually do this hike without breaking a sweat. You're pale and you've had bags under your eyes for the past month. So tell me what the fuck is going on and why you won't talk to me."

Shit.

He noticed. Those weeks you had gone laying in bed awake while we slept at your back and you tried to play it off hadn't gone unseen like you had hoped. Now he was mad at you and you were just causing him more stress, the opposite of what you hoped your efforts would do. "It's nothing Joel. Just drop it, alright?" you kept walking and ignored the ever growing headache pulsing behind your eyes as the exhaustion caught up to you after not getting a wink of sleep the past three days and then hiking with this conversation thrown at you. Joel called out your name angrily and stormed up to you forcing you to stop walking and face him. The cabin was only a quarter mile up now.

"I'm trying to have a serious conversation here!"

"Yeah, and I'm trying to avoid it!" You regretted the words as soon as they left your mouth because they only confirmed that something was wrong.

"And why's that, huh? What aren't you telling me?" His expression changed then and he dropped his gaze down to his hands for a moment. "Did I do something wrong? Is that why you won't talk to me?" His fears broke through you just a bit and you could feel your throat tighten up against the tears building up. When you spoke your voice came out thick and brittle.

"Jesus, Joel, no it isn't you. Shit. You didn't do anything wrong, it's just me, okay? It's just something I have to handle." Joel met your eyes again then and stared into your glazed over gaze. He only nodded then and started walking again. Thank fucking God, he was dropping it.

It wasn't until you thought Joel was fast asleep that your exhaustion truly hit you. You knew that if you slept now you would be out hard and it would be impossible to avoid the memories of unwanted grasps against your skin and cries of pain as you were struck would reach you. So instead of laying in bed with Joel where you knew you would be out in seconds if you stayed any longer you slowly climbed off the dusty bed and downstairs to sit by the fire place where a few glowing coals remained from your earlier tense dinner.

You sat there for what could've been hours or minutes just rubbing your temples with shaking hands, trying to physically force away your pounding migraine. You hadn't even noticed Joel appearing in the doorway until his voice caused you to all but jump out of your skin.

"This is you handling it then?" His voice was raspy with still and you couldn't help but be jealous at the precious hours he had to sleep in peace. "Jesus christ darlin, when's the last time you slept?"

His words immediately brought tears to your eyes and the walls you had spent weeks building high came crashing down. You crumbled as the first sob tore through your body, your entire being shook and you brought your hands up to cover your face as shame and pain ripped into you.

Joel was upon you in seconds and wrapped you up in his strong embrace as he slowly rocked you back and forth, trying to calm you down. "Breath, darlin', just breath. Listen to me okay? In...and out," when you only continued to shake and sob in his arms he lifted one hand to your face and used the other the grab your own hand and place it against his chest, forcing you to feel his deep breaths. "Come on you gotta work with me here. You feel my breaths? Yeah, you do, just match my breathing, I know you can do it. In, and out. Yeah, just like that, good job." When your breathing had finally evened out and all that remained was a few sniffles you began to speak.

"I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to, uh, I didn't mean to wake you up. You can go back to bed." Joel just grabbed the back of your head and pressed you into his chest while shaking his head.

"Don't do that. Don't apologize, you did nothing wrong. I just need to know what happened so I can help you, alright?"

You shook your head and mumbed against him, "I don't wanna tell you." When you looked at his face he had a deep frown and concern etched across his features.

"Why not, darlin'. You know I'm here to help you, that's how this thing works." He gently pulled you away from his chest and made you look at his face while he spoke.

"I don't want you to think I'm weak..." You avoided eye contact when you saw his face crumble and realization flood his gaze. He had finally figured it out.

"It's your nightmares isn't it?" You just barely nodded and continued staring at the ground you sat on. "You've been forcing yourself to stay awake? Sweetheart, you can't do that, it'll get you killed out here if you aren't able to function properly. Why didn't you just come to me?" His words were spoken quietly but still firm in your ear.

"I didn't want to be a burden. You've been through so much as well and you don't wake up screaming every night. You're so strong. I didn't want to make you see how weak I am, so I figured if I just didn't sleep then they wouldn't be able to hurt me again." You shook your head in disbelief at yourself and scratched at your arms anxiously. "God I spent so long getting out of there and trying to heal and I'm still just the dumb little slave. Nothing's changed." Joel grabbed your arms and forced your scratching to stop and looked you in the eye with anger behind his eyes.

"Hey. Don't say that shit. What you went through is unspeakable and it doesn't make you weak to be affected by it." You opened your mouth to speak but he cut you off before you could get any words out. "No, I'm talking right now. You are so incredibly strong, darlin'. You've been through so much and you still manage to push forward and live. So don't you dare call yourself weak because that is absolute bullshit and we've promised not to lie to each other. How about we go upstairs and get you some sleep, and if you have a nightmare you wake me up, I don't care how often or what time it is and you tell me what you need me to do, okay?"

You nodded your head and leaned forward to press a soft, barely there kiss to his lips that he immediately reciprocated. "Thank you. For everything."

"You don't have to thank me for anything, darlin. This is what I'm here for. Please don't ever feel like you can't tell me stuff like this, alright." You just nodded again and allowed him to help you back upstairs into bed where you fell asleep in his strong embrace within seconds of your head hitting the pillow.

[mysticficti0n]

All my attention Part 7

warnings- swearing, slow burn, flirting, dirty talk, praise, romance,

words- 4.7k

If you'd like to read the previous parts → All my attention series

a/n- so if you're new here I am British and cannot speak any German, I speak a little French, Spanish and Italian but German- no. I also do not trust Google translate so this is gonna be like an avatar thing (if you've seen the newest one Jake says that their language just became normal or something along those lines) so in reality this is all in German, you as a reader know German but, its wrote in English... make sense? no... well. Also you guys are fucking amazing thank you for all the likes on not only All my attention but the hc and request story like it means so much ♡

(hey guys I'm finally back! I'm so so sorry this has taken so fucking long but I've been beyond busy these past few days and I've had no time to even go on my computer but anyways enjoy this- part 8 is about to be crazy thats all ima say, love you all)

┍━━━━━━━━━━ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ━━━━━━━━━━┑

backstory- you are the 5th member of Tokio Hotel and you always thought the love was equally platonic between you and a certain guitarist... but what if that all changed?

I sat in the back of Gustav's dads car with a knocked out Georg and Tom who's eyes didn't leave me for the whole trip, everyone was in small slurring conversation chuckling and yawning struggling to keep themselves awake as it was 3:47am

I turned my body, Georg falling off my shoulder to lean on my back which I had to try not laugh at while facing Tom who had a small grin on his face "what?" I asked in a whisper

"nothing nothing" my eyebrows furrowed eyes scanning him, his fingers toyed with the ring on his other hand

"you sure?" he nodded before turning away to look out the window, leg bouncing "okay" I turned myself back, Georg again falling back onto my shoulder mumbling something "sorry" I whispered patting his arm which rested next to mine, I watched Tom still bounce his leg so with my free hand I placed it on his knee, he didn't look back but a breath fell from his body.

I felt us pull onto the drive and stretched my legs out as much as I could seeing the boy to my left fully wake up and get out the car giving his hand to drag me out to like he hadn't been snoring in my ear the entire ride, Tom grabbed my bag as I saw him swig it over his shoulder making Bill, Simone, Gustav and Bella laugh a lot more than it should leaving David to try shut them all up and get them into the house, I shoved Georg to the group watching him trip on thin air cursing until he hit the bonnet of the car bumping into Gustav

"Tom sweetie go take Y/n back so her mother wont pester me about it later" I laughed seeing the women wave her son to follow me home

"alright" he spoke going back out the house and pulled me with him "come on" his voice wasn't jokey like usual- he sounded pissed off but I decided it was best to shrug it off, he helped me cross the wall and up the steps to the front door

"thanks for today it was actually really fun" I gave a smile having my bag off him "did you hear what I said?" I asked seeing him only nod again "whats wrong? why are you acting like this?" I spoke in a angered whisper "you were fine with me- well more then fine with me until we got into the car then you acted like you didn't want to know me"

"its nothing I-i'm just tired Y/n I promise" his voice was softer but I couldn't believe him

"why was your leg shaking and why did you play with your ring then because you can't have been fine then hm?" he breathed out looking worried

"you saw the ring thing?"

"of course I did because I was worried about you" his eyes flicked to mine, I didn't drop his gaze feeling him get closer "you didn't speak much and then- then" I was hushed by his lips pressing against mine, his strong arms holding my back in a hug, I let my self melt back into him, my hands going across his hips kissing him back tenderly.

"there isn't another girl like you in the world Y/n" Tom pulled back placing his head on mine "not as caring, loving, sweet, cute, beautiful"

"are you proposing again?" I spoke with a tired laugh, he pressed a peck to the corner of my lips

"not yet sweetheart, goodnight" he let go cupping my jaw before walking to his house leaving me stunned 'not yet'?

┍━━━━━━━━━━ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ━━━━━━━━━━┑

"Y/n- sunshine wake up!" I opened my eyes expecting to see my mom stood over me

"morning mo-BILL WHAT THE HELL!" I screamed seeing the boy pull away laughing, I curled my blanket around my shoulders falling back into my nest of pillows seeing the boy give me a look making me move over so he could sit with me. He jumped onto the bed beside me crossing his legs and leaning back onto the wall "what do you want at- 11:24 in the morning then, you're literally never awake at this time" I asked looking back at him from my alarm clock

"I think it's me who should be asking the questions Y/n-" a smile I'd never seen before spread across his face "so... last night" I tried to think back, I remember the meal, going to the night club, dancing, drinking a lot and- fuck

"err, yeah last night what about it?" I spoke trying to hide the nervous laugh from escaping my mouth

"oh come on you're not that stupid- I saw it y/n/n" I wanted the world to swallow me up whole- what did he see? god which part did he see?! "so wanna explain your little kiss with my brother on the door step last night?" I slid further into my bed pulling the sheets over my head whispering a 'no thanks' but Bill didn't take that as an answer ripping the sheets from above me "Hey! I wanna know your little secret with him!"

"its nothing- just like our usual flirting we do and have done since we were like 13!" Bill raised an eyebrow "okay fine maybe there's some little feelings-"

"I KNEW IT!" the boy danced grabbing my hands dragging me from the warmth of my blanket "YOU TWO LOVE EACH OTHER!" I rolled my eyes pulling my hands from the singer

"woah we don't 'love' each other- its just mutual appreciation!" I went to my door pulling a hoodie off the peg and slipping it on to try distract from the fact Bill knew of mine and Tom's little- thing

"well last night I can tell you he didn't describe it as 'mutual appreciation'" I felt my stomach drop- what the fuck had that man said! I looked to his twin who was holding his chest laughing it all up pointing to my face

"oh god what was he saying? was it only to you or did the others hear- oh my god I want to die!" I hid my face again, the red feeling like it was going to make my head pop, Bill pulled my desk chair out setting his legs onto the table in front

"no don't worry only to me- we were having a smoke while everyone was up stairs and he said- from what I remember 'Y/n's awesome right?' I agreed of course and then he went 'she notices everything and genuinely cares you know' and I was nodding along not really caring what he said because I knew he'd drank and shit but then- oh but then he said 'I just fucking love her, like actually love her' and when I say I dropped my fucking jaw-" I felt like I was going to pass out, did he say this all? he was drunk surely he didn't mean it? but what if he did? all the questions spun around my head mixing with the tiredness and hang-over form last night

"I don't know what to say-" my eyes met with Bill who still had that shit eating grin along his lips "fucks sake what now?" I asked seeing him dismiss me "no what is it?"

"he's down stairs" if I didn't feel like jumping from my window and running into the city never to return I did now, I didn't realise how embarrassed I'd be- but nobody was meant to know. Bill stood giving me a 'reassuring' pat on my shoulder and walked out my room down the stairs leaving me to now face Tom on my own.

ten minuets after I managed to pull myself down the stairs seeing my little sister sat with Tom holding her mini guitar she had from Gordon for her birthday (okay Stella playing guitar with Tom was requested and its the cutes mf thing) her small fingers eagerly playing all the strings while he tried to show her how to actually do it while containing his laughs "no-no Stella look watch me, like that boop boop boop" he sang in tune with the strings as he pulled them

"boop boop boop! Boop boo- Baba!" I smiled to the young girl who was no longer interested in the guitar running to me with a gummy grin "Baba you wake!"

"Hi Stell! I'm awake yeah!" I picked her up onto the side of my hip squeezing her tightly, she pointed to Tom who pointed back at her "who's that?" I asked seeing her little eyes work

"Tom!" I spun her around as she clapped to herself for remembering "and momma a-and daddy and Seesee" she did little grabby hands to Simone otherwise known as Seesee by Stella, I placed her to the floor so she could go sit with her, Bill and my parents. Tom had placed the neon pink guitar back and sat leaning into the cushions of the sofa

"she's gonna be a guitarist when she's older and I better get credit" he spoke eyes shut as I sat next to him flicking on the Tv

"no she'll be a singer like me" he laughed shoving me slightly but quickly grabbing my arm so I didn't fall off the end of the sofa...unlike the bed situation "have a voice better than Madonna and P!nk"

"probably I mean she's your sister after all" I looked over to him and caught his eyes already on me "what were you and Bill doing for so long up stairs anyways? he said he was gonna go wake you up then didn't come back down for like half an hour" fuck- the whole conversation came flooding back to my head, I couldn't keep this from him, he deserves to know as much as me... God why is life so annoying like that?

"smoke?" I asked getting up closely followed by him, we went to the front of the house as Stella was now playing mommies and daddies on the deck with Simone, we sat on the steps and he pulled his cigs from his sweatpant pocket "thanks- okay well... you need to not be angry alright" his head shot to mine with a weird look "say swear"

"swear" his voice was unsure sounding but he'd said it now

"right- so do you remember last night? besides the meal and club?" he took a long drag from the end of the cigarette

"yeah if you mean the me and you parts- clearly remember them" a smile replaced his straight face as he thought back to the night

"Bill knows" I spat out seeing his face immediately drop again, head snapping to me "he saw us- on here- last night" I breathed head dropping not being able to confront Tom's looks "and you also told him that you erm- that you love me... I mean you were drunk so it was probably just that mixed with us kissing and stuff" he was still silent, I could only hear his slight puffs as he had his cig

"Only Bill knows right?" I nodded bringing my head back up "Y/n don't worry he wont say anything- I promise you and well what I said I... I didn't not mean it" I finally let my gaze fall back to him. His hand moved from his knee to my thigh calming me instantly "I wish you didn't hear it from him but- I do love you" I was completely taken aback when Tom said it. I didn't expect to hear those three little words from him ever in the way he said them. I felt my heart racing and my palms started to sweat as I tried to process what he had just said again, I thought Bill was just overdramatising things but- no. it was both thrilling and terrifying. I looked into his eyes, and saw the sincerity there. I knew that he truly meant what he said

After a few moments of silence, I finally found my voice and confidence to even speak "I... I love you too" The smile that spread across Tom's face was one of pure joy, my heart soared. I felt adrenaline run through my body mixing with the blood flowing through my body as his hand moved to my face pulling me in gently, pressing his lips to mine for the first time since we really said 'love you' It was a different kiss to the others we'd shared, softer, loving, tender- I knew it wasn't going to lead to anything it was just a kiss to really set in stone our feelings- feelings we knew were more than we ever imagined having

"I've been waiting to say that to you for months- like properly say it to you not just in a friendly way" my head leaned onto his shoulder taking in his warmth as the afternoon breeze blew over my exposed legs, I stepped out my cigaret waiting for Tom to finish his looking up past his jawline that was so effortlessly sharp, skin so soft not a spot or blemish, his lips so perfectly fitted to his face, those eyes that when the sun hit them they went a golden brown "enjoying the view?" his voice rung looking down at me

"your pretty" I say back seeing a hot blush wipe over his cheeks "aww" I pecked his cheek standing up to go back into the house but a grasp on my leg stopped me, looking down I saw the wheels in his head turning

"wanna go on a date tonight?"

┍━━━━━━━━━━ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ━━━━━━━━━━┑

I looked in the mirror one last time, checking the outfit- pulling my skirt down my thighs more and fixing my necklace- then my hair, I tried something different, a spiky bun which took so much time but finally I was done, I grabbed my phone and keys, money and sprayed myself with perfume. I looked to my clock "7:00 okay I have five minuets" I spoke to myself going down the stairs seeing my mom sat with my dad watching a movie "how do I look?" I spoke walking to them and they both smiled

"Beautiful sunshine! absolutely beautiful" she clapped her hand "did you take any photo's of yourself?" she asked getting ready to grab her camera

"of course she has Angelica its Y/n- you look lovely sweet" my dad laugh letting my mom getting comfy again into his chest "remind me what your doing again"

"Oh meeting with some old friends from school for a dinner thing-" I lied, I knew if I said 'oh going on a date with Tom' they'd be asking question after question

"so why is Tom driving you?"

"he's seeing some his mates not far so said he can drop me off " dad hummed and I herd a knock at the door "love you!" I called hearing a faint 'ditto' from the two as I walked out the house "hey!"

"wow-" Tom sounded, I smiled looking to him, red shirt with skulls, matching cap and blue bandana jeans "I feel underdressed by you now"

"come on- you look hot" a laugh escaped his lips as we went to his car, he opened the door for me giving his hand so I could get in "thank you" I grinned

"no problem babe" he climbed in to his side starting the engine making the car shudder awake, we started the drive, his hands between having to move the gear stick held my thigh, pressing the pads of his fingers when he was getting pissed of the the other drivers "your hair looks nice by the way" my heart melted, my eyes falling over to him

"I tried something different- I'm glad you like it" he nodded rubbing my leg before taking his hand away "where are we going by the way?"

"somewhere special- were like 2 seconds away- oh here" we pulled into a small car park which looked quiet empty which was refreshing, especially since the last time we went out- the car was full of flashes of light pulling us from the road, voices screaming and shouting our names as we tried to get the doors open but paparazzi knew we were coming and they wouldn't hold back on two teens. our names were bouncing around the mouths of people and people who wanted clear photos shoving forward making people knock into us. to even get to Tom I had to jump the hood of Tom's car to him, grabbing his arm as he pushed through the sea of lights shouting for them to move while we tripped over peoples feet, microphone cords and what not.

but this time it was silent besides the purrs of the cars that passed, I went to open my door but the dreadhead reached over slamming my door "stop being stupid" I breathed a laugh waiting for him to jog and open my door "m'lady"

"oh why thank you sir" he pressed a kiss to my cheek, not letting go of my hand, we walked into the restaurant named the 'star night lounge' and i nearly screamed "This-this is the one I was talking about like 6 months ago!" the boy nodded chuckling at my face

"I remember these things- come on we need to go in" hurriedly we walked in, the smell was the smell of romance, dark and rose, dimly lit tables placed around, candles hanging from rods on the wall "its better than the pictures" I nodded taking everything in

"welcome to star night lounge- how many?" a women asked with a smile looking to Tom to which he answered 2 "okay, if you'd like to follow me" she grabbed menus and turned away from us walking down a small entry way and turning to the left, we followed her and walked into the one room I remember falling In love with when I first saw it on the website "is this okay- I will say its a bit darker in here than other parts"

"this is amazing" I exhaled looking around

"no this is great, thank you" Tom spoke as the women left us, it was all perfect, the room, the night, Tom. we sat down quickly across from each other, small glances and smiles passed along the way, we weren't the only people in the room so the noise of small chatter and jazz music played in the background

"Tom this is amazing! I-i don't know that to say" my voice slipped "its just" his hand came over the table taking mine "I'm being a baby i'm sorry"

"its okay don't be sorry" his lips pressed against my knuckles "look you deserve a good date Y/n- I don't remember you once going out with Brian, I want to be better than he was"

"you already are" I smiled seeing him press another kiss to my hand "so much better- god there's a list"

"want me to be shocked?" he laughed "...you look so pretty in here babe" I felt like I could pass out there and then and never ever get back up, his thumb drawing over my fingers, eyes watching me and smiles plastered over our faces.

Together we flicked through the menu asking what each other might have, arguing over the same dish until we came to a settlement "Good evening- what can we get you for dinner to night?" a different women walked over with a calm smile pulling her pad and pen out, Tom nodded his head at me to go first

"I'll have the star burger please... with fries" she nodded writing it down and turned to Tom

"I'll have the kabab please- the er.. fuck which one?" his face went red looking over to me a slight panic in his eyes

"chilli kabab please- oh and two playboy bunny cocktails please and thank you" I ended letting the server take our menus and leave to the kitchen

"Y/n I didn't want that stupid cocktail!" he huffed falling back into thseat "it's a girly one" I rolled my eyes seeing him be a actual child, with my foot I rubbed his legs

"its one drink Thomas- grow up" his tongue pressed into his cheek, smirk creeping across his lips "you herd me"

┍━━━━━━━━━━ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ━━━━━━━━━━┑

"Please Tom let me pay for my half at least" I pleaded seeing him shake his head "Tom!"

"Y/n I have it god sake put your money back" he said bluntly, snatching my change from my hand and throwing It back at me. I sat back glaring at him "don't look at me like that"

"like what?" I spoke seeing him roll his eyes but become distracted as the bill came over, he picked it up and his eyes widened the tiniest "lemme see" my hand went to reach over and grab the paper

"no" Tom turned to the other women swiping his card and the payment went through with a 'beep' and I fell back "thank you- Y/n come on"

"I hate you- why couldn't you let me pay?" I asked as he grabbed my hand pulling me from the restaurant "and how much was it?- thank you!" I smiled to the women behind the bar "a lot I bet and thats why you're not telling me huh?" I started again his hand tightened around mine, pushing me against the door of his car, my mouth zipped shut

"stop with the questions- I'd be a arsehole if I let you pay a single penny, so shut your pretty lips before I make you do something to keep you silent-" a red flush painted my body, his hooded eyes scanned me up and down "good" he lent forward pressing a kiss to the corner of my closed lips before opening the door for me to which I sat in and waited for his door to open.

the drive home was different- no words shared but so many things said with out looks, his hand holding my leg in place as he toyed with my skin giving me trails of goosebumps along my thigh, he threatened to push under my skirt, every time making me hold my breath waiting for some sort of friction but he just pulled away making me internally curse. we got home, our street dark, pulling into my drive nobody else was there sending a excited shock through my body.

We walked hand in hand up to my door- the same place as the night before, were we shared a kiss that would lead to us saying we loved each other not just platonically, Tom stood across from me, his hands hidden in his jeans "thank you for tonight Tom- I loved it so much"

"no problem- sorry I was a cunt about the bill, I didn't mean to sound so.. you know?" we shared a laugh as I walked to him wrapping my arms around his neck pulling him to look at me

"I liked it-" our lips met eagerly, I'd been waiting for this since we left the restaurant, the palm of his hand reached down, grabbing my ass, bringing me closer "fuck-" I let go to reach behind me to the door, opening it and pulling Tom in with me a terror washing over him

"Y/n what about your parents-" I turned back to him and smiled

"I forgot they were going out- they aren't here, Stella is at nans- it all okay" I kicked the door closed and his mood swung back, dragging my body back to him and hauling me up over his shoulder "TOM!" I screamed having to push myself up on his lower back as he carried my up the stairs, I felt the coldness of his lip ring as he pressed open kisses to my exposed thighs. we made it to my room where the main light was on and he dropped me onto my bed, crawling above me

"look at you- so beautiful below me hm?" I nodded my head listening to his every word "such a pretty girl"

"your girl-" I added seeing his face brighten slightly before falling dark again as his hand cupped my jaw

"all mine?" I nodded, his hand traveled to my waist sending a warm sensation through me "is this mine?" again I nodded my head, I felt his hand go down to my legs gently rubbing circles around the skin "is this mine?" like before I nodded "mhm.. and how about this?" his fingers drove to the inside of my thigh, involuntarily my legs parted just enough for his hand to palm me through my panties making me gasp "is this mine?"

"m-mhm, all yours Tom" I answered trying not to close my thighs around his hand, a sadistic smile painted his lips as he leaned down to me, hand not moving

"you like this don't you? with my hand just there- is there something you want?" I couldn't keep myself from him, crashing my lips onto him with so much want

"I-want-you" I spoke between kisses "please" I begged, Tom pulled off me, standing above looking down at me leaving me cold without his heat on me. he walked over switching the light off leaving us in a dim darkness, only light being from my desk, I watched as his hands went below his shirt pulling it over his head taking the cap and headband off too throwing them to my floor, his abs looked defined in the light, his muscles looking bigger than ever, the feeling between my legs only grew

"take a picture sweetheart" he purred going to his knees, the feeling of him unlacing my boots

"don't tempt me" I smiled leaning up to watch him pull the boots off and chuck them back under the bed and crawled back on top of me "thank you" I whispered into his ear

"no problem darling" he dove down into my neck, peppering kisses all over working down my chest as I struggled to keep myself propped up on the sheets, he stopped at the neck of my shirt looking up at me as I gave him a nod to take it off, he came back pressing another kiss to my lips before his hands pulled the top over my head exposing my bare chest to him, his eyes only became darker staring at me, I felt worried but the adrenaline soon kicked that as his lips pressed against mine pushing me onto the mattress below "god you are beautiful everywhere huh?" I grinned pushing him away giggling, he went down again, letting his lips go around my sensitive nipple, licking the bud until I was holding back a moan, his other free hand needing me, I let my nails dig into his back causing noises to fall from his lips

"shit- Tom Oh" I started feeling myself only get wetter, his teeth grated my skin coming back up to my neck "I- holy shit, i need you" I whimpered as his hands traveled to my thighs

"breath Y/n- I'm getting there sweetheart there's no rush" a sly smile gripped his mouth "relax"

"I am- just bored of waiting" I teased hooking my legs over his waist swapping our positions, him below me staring up in shock "relax" I mimicked

"watch your mouth" my hips rolled against his as his words exited him "Y/n-" Tom warned

"what? can't take it?" my voice was thick of lust, drowning his ears, pressing a kiss to his skin working down to his exposed collar bone "or is it you don't want me?" I whined to him, pushing myself down harder hearing a groan from him

"you're a tease y/n/n" I laughed letting my hands circle his chest

"shame..." I breathed "is this hard for you Tommy?" his eyes closed at the nickname, mouth tightening shut, his hands holding my highs still, squeezing harder than before, his jeans feeling much tighter "hm- I guess it is" as I went to climb off Tom pulled me back, slamming my torso to his

"don't you dare" our eyes met, I grinned at him but he wasn't as happy "I'll wipe that smile away in a second doll"

"yeah?" he nodded "do it Kaulitz"