#been here since literally like. 3rd grade. maybe earlier.

[toyherb]

oh fuck oh god

[harrywritingsbyme]

Going Virtual

Based Off Of This Ask

A/N: I love this concept sm!! like Harry is in full pest mode with this one lmao...but it’s cute. Enjoy🙃

School was back in session. Not only was Harry’s 7 year old beginning the first day of 3rd grade, you were also in school and going into your sophomore year of college. Harry had gotten so comfortable spending all of his time with you both over the past 6 months, and even more since June that he was practically dying from boredom because of having all this newfound time to himself. And it wasn’t even alone time. It was him being all by himself while you two were confined to your respective spaces in the house to get you guys’ schoolwork done. You guys were literally so close, but yet so far away from him now. All he wanted to do was pull you both away from the computers to spend time together. The only moments he had with you or his son were the brief periods when either of you summoned him for assistance or for a refreshment of your snacks. With school in the picture even more, there was just about no time in the day for Harry. At least when you two physically went to school you both were kind of out of sight out of mind so to speak given the fact that he didn’t have much accessibility to either of you during the day.

Now even though you and Harry’s son were in school and doing schoolwork during the day, it didn’t stop Harry from being a bit of a pest at times. And he was mainly a pest to you. When he would bring you guys snacks while you were taking care of your assignments, during and after school, he’d try his hardest to shift some of you guys’ attention onto him. Now he wouldn’t try as hard to get at his son. The most he’d do was attempt to instigate a tickle fight or offer up some play time. But due to Harry’s successful efforts to have consistency and put your work first before play when raising his son, his tactics weren’t being accepted at all. Bubs would simply tell Harry, or daddy for that matter, to stop and that he could play with him later. And because he was so adorable and Harry couldn’t get enough of him, he’d give his cheeks a good pinch with a kiss to the forehead before offering to help with his work.

But with you on the other hand, Harry didn’t go that easy.

Instead of just leaving you alone after you pushed him away, he continued on. He’d try to pull your chair away from the table while you’re typing away on your computer. He’d also sit on the floor while you’re in your zoom classes and pull at your pants leg or hem of your shorts depending on what clothing item you threw onto your body before your class. And eventually he did in fact leave once you practically (and almost literally) kicked him out of the room. But he didn’t stop his little attacks to get your attention there. He’d even send you raunchy messages, explaining in detail all of the many ways and times he wanted to take you. And this wasn’t just during your classes; this was also when you were working on your assignments. He refused to let up. And believe it or not, Harry began working even harder to get your attention within in the last couple of weeks. It’d only been about a month and he’d already begun to intensify his “attacks”.

And today was nothing short of Harry trying to get you and bubs’ attention. If he wasn’t lying on the couch reading or trying to write or do anything that was in the slightest bit productive, Harry was checking in on you and bubs. He’d periodically make his way to you guys’ workspaces to check in and bring you snacks and any help if needed. Once he checked in on the third grader down the hall, he’d take a stroll down to your space to check in on and bug you. When you were in one of your zoom classes a bit earlier on in the day, Harry walked into the room, brought you what he normally got you at that time, then sat on the floor next to you so that he could be a pest. Today you were wearing shorts so his pest level had spiked, he was touching you and just not leaving you alone. He enjoyed making you gasp or react to his touches while your camera was on. Now even though you thought that his efforts were cute and you felt a bit bad for not spending a lot of time with him, it didn’t stop you from plucking Harry whenever you weren’t writing something down. You didn’t know why, but it was a bit nice to give him a pluck here and there while he tried to seduce you into stepping away from your computer.

To make things worse, he knew your schedule in and out! This meant that he’d come in during the tail end of one of your classes then continue being an even bigger pest when you were trying to get some work done in between.

“Can you please like leave me alone.” You ask calmly, keeping your eyes on the screen in front of you.

“Umm no. That is, only if you take a little break right now.” Harry barters from below, continuing to touch you.

“Why don’t you go bother your son? I bet he wants to see his daddy more than I do right now.” You say matter of factly, finally turning your head down to look at him.

“Well first of all, you calling me daddy right now was a big mistake and because of it I’m going to be an even bigger pest.” Harry begins. At least he admitted to being a pest. “Now second of all, I’ve already checked on him and he doesn’t need me. So now I’m in here.” He continues on with his explanation.

“Oh my god! We’re gonna need some defense strategies against you.” You huff. “What is it going to take for you to leave me alone?” You ask, deciding to finally give into his antics of it meant that you’d have a little moment to get some Harry free work done.

“Let me make you cum and I’ll leave you alone. I know you’re already drenched since I did see that you read my messages.” Harry says.

“Fine, but hurry up. I need to get back to my paper.” You concede, standing up from your seat to let him have your way with you.

“Well you don’t have to be so hostile, it’s not like you’re not going to enjoy it. If you don’t, I’ll be reevaluating my skills while you ignore me.” Harry replies as he lifts himself up from the ground, letting out a series of grunts in the process.

“Well it never hurts an old dog to get new tricks.” You push back. The age gap was a definite hot button for the two of you so if there was any window to push it, you were going to take that opportunity.

“Well I don’t think that I’ve heard you complain about my old tricks.” Harry begins, pushing back the chair to stand behind you. “In fact, I always hear you screaming for more.” Harry whispers into your ear as he swiftly tugs your shorts and panties down your legs in one motion.

“Maybe.” You reply defiantly, trying to stand your ground with him.

“That’s where you’re mistaken baby.” Harry hums, bringing a hand down between your legs. “And judging but the stickiness between your legs, you know that it’s not just maybe either.” Harry continues, pushing two of his fingers up and down your folds before finally pushing them into your entrance.

“Oh my god.” You sigh,  taking in the feeling of his fingers entering you. You hated it when he was right, but this time he was, his fingers felt so good.

“Not so mad at me bothering you now huh?” He chuckles behind you, continuing to pump his fingers in and out of you.

“No” You whimper. His fingers were doing wonders to your body. And that was all he was doing. Hw was simply fucking his fingers into your hole and you were falling apart as you clutched onto the edge of the desk for dear life.

“Good girl.” He praises, bringing his face to your neck to sponge kisses into your neck as he pleasures you. While he continues pumping his fingers into you, he moves his hand that was securely planted on your waist down to your front to begin circling two of his fingers around your clit.

Right now, you were going insane. Your paper was now long forgotten; at least for the time being. Harry’s hands were like magic between your legs and you could feel yourself beginning to drift closer to the edge. There was a special warmth that infiltrated your body when you were getting closer to letting go, and you were starting to feel it move through your body. You were also beginning to feel the knot in the pit of your stomach begin to tighten.

“Can feel y’clenching up around me, wanna cum sweets?” Harry hums into your ear, fanning his warm breath across your skin and creating goosebumps all across your body in the process.

“Please daddy.” You pant in response, feeling your lower half begin to go numb.

“Let go f’me baby.” He whispers, pushing his fingers as deep as possible and holding it there while continuing to stimulate your clit.

“Fuck!” You exclaim lowly, trying to hold back your moans as you cum around his fingers.

“That’s it sweet girl.” Harry praises happily, feeling your walls contract around his fingers. While you continue riding the wave of your release, Harry keeps his fingers inside of you and he continues placing kisses onto your neck as well. And once you finish riding out the amazing orgasm that ripped right through you, your mind goes right back to what you need to get done. And to be honest, for some reason that was unbeknownst to Harry, he absolutely loved that about you.

“Can I go write my paper now.” You huff shakily, trying to move your feet around to reagin more feeling in your legs and trying to get your mind straight again.

“Only if you promise to spend some more time with me and bubs later, we miss you.” Harry bargains, slowly removing his fingers from inside of you.

“Fine.” You breathe out cheerfully. In that moment, you didn’t exactly know what you were happy about. You weren’t sure if you were happy about getting a nice little break in the monotony of your work or of it was from the fact that Harry was finally going to leave you alone for a little while or that you were going to finally spend some time with the little family you were lucky enough to be apart of. Either way, you were definitely going to take a bit of a break later.

And let’s just say that this school year was going to be a bit of an interesting one for Harry.

Masterlist

[gold-daegu]

yellow paint | seventeen

yellow paint part seventeen | [prev] | [next] | [masterlist]

synopsis ; Minho has been by Y/n’s side since 3rd grade, making sure she doesn’t get herself into any trouble. But it seems like someone else wants to be by Y/n’s side too. Will he bite back his worries and tell you how he feels? Or will he watch as you fall for someone else?

pairing ; minho x fem!reader, chan x fem!reader

a/n ; oh shid here we go lololol i'm literally writing this is in my CSC class. I may or may not proofread this later idk we'll see

genre ; fluff, angst, a little smut

college!au, sm!au

writing below ;

You pulled away from Minho's grasp, deciding to leave your hands in your lap as you turned to greet your friends.

Minho's jaw visibly clenched, dragging his hands back across the table reluctantly. He cut his eyes at the curly-haired boy who slid in beside you, hating that he couldn't get very annoyed by him while he was sporting that warm smile of his.

He noticed you tensing when Bong Gi slid in beside him, your smile a little tighter than it was a few moments before as you glanced over the pair. His brows furrowed at you, curious as to why you were so on edge around someone that-- as far as he knew, was your friend.

She nudged him with her elbow, forcing him to look away from you, "Hey Minho!"

“Hi,” he mumbled, his eyes steely, “What's got you two out on this side of town?"

She blinked, taken aback by his straightforward and slightly cold behavior. She cut her eyes toward Chan who had begun pulling a conversation out of you, with much more ease than she had with Minho.

"W-Well… I had a meeting with my advisor earlier,” she hummed, unsure of her own story, “Chan and I ran into each other outside and decided to grab a bite." She smiled prettily and gestured to the table, "Then we saw you two and figured we'd come sit!"

Minho forced a smile back, playing with his earrings and slumping back against his seat. He watched you push Chan with a laugh, the man nearly oblivious to the annoyance he was causing the quieter boy.

He was fairly certain that had the pair come in and distracted you, that maybe you’d be smiling at him the same way you’re smiling at Chan now. Maybe he’d finally find the nerve to wrap his arms around you and tell you how he’s felt for God knows how long. Maybe you’d feel the same way.

But for now, Minho stares blankly as you two converse animatedly, Bong Gi’s words slipping through one ear and out the other. If she knew he wasn’t listening, she didn’t care. She kept rambling on about dance class and how she needed his help to perfect the move she has already mastered.

“So I was just thinking that maybe later if you’re not busy, we could head to the dance studio? Maybe dinner after?” She proposed, biting her lip, anxious for his reaction.

He stayed blank, his mind swirling with excuses to pull you away. He turned his head briefly, noticing the earnest expressions on Bong Gi’s face, “What?” He asked, brows scrunching together.

She huffed, her heart pounding in her chest as she asked once more. She could feel her hands stinging from her insistent wringing.

“Yeah sure, I’ll help you.”

Her heart soared— he said yes!! He wanted to go out with her later, oh my god. Now what? She sat back in her seat with a victorious smile, leaning ever so close to Minho who still sat pushing around the ice in his drink.

Meanwhile, Chan had been prodding you about the breakfast date you owed him. Granted you did stand him up that one time— miscommunication obviously, but Chan has used it against you ever since.

“Okay, okay!” You relented with a laugh, “How about we meet sometime tomorrow for breakfast? Will that makeup for it all?”

He leaned back, tapping his lips thoughtfully as he thought. He broke out in a smile, leaning forward and shaking his head, “Not in the slightest.”

You groaned, throwing your hands up and casting a sideways glance at the blonde. Taking your drink in one hand you bumped your shoulder with his, “You can’t hold that against me forever, Channie.” You scolded, “That was freshman year, after all”

“The pain never goes away, I still can’t believe you stood me up. It hurts to even think about it!” He cried, taking your cup and taking a sip much to your dismay, "Ew, you drink this trash?"

You snatch the drink back, giving him a glare which he reciprocated with a smile, “You’re so dramatic but fine, we’ll meet here at 10?”

“Sounds great, don’t stand me up this time!”

“Oh my God, Shut up!”

Minho slumped in his seat, watching the exchange with a weak heart. He got so close to telling you how he’s felt this entire time. The day was still young, he could secure things tonight. He could get it off his chest how much you’ve affected him, how you have taken over his every thought and feeling.

Bong Gi tugged on his arm, attracting attention from him, “Could we actually go now? I think starting early is a better idea.”

Minho looked back across the seat where you and Chan were talking, the smile on your lips causing a stab of pain through his heart. He sighed quietly, a thin smile gracing his pink lips. He could try later, maybe he just needed to escape this scene before he loses the confidence he's already mustered.

“Yeah let’s go”

You pause mid-sentence, watching Minho stand with Bong Gi and silently slip out the door, leaving the girl with the job of saying goodbye.

“Oh uh... we’re off to practice for a bit, have fun you two!” She winked and waggled her fingers, turning and following Minho down the street.

You stared at the pair through the window, momentarily forgetting where you were. Something in the way the two had left didn’t sit right with you, especially now that you knew Bong Gi’s feelings.

Did Minho… no he would’ve mentioned it. Unless that’s what he was trying to say earlier? No, that doesn’t make sense. Why would he grab your hands like that if he loved Bong Gi?

Chan bumped his foot against yours, a smile on his lips but his brows scrunched in concern, “You alright there?”

You turn with a smile, “Of course! Now about that breakfast date…”

.

.

.

[vermemesol]

College! AU | Nine Percent - Part 3

Pairing : Nine Percent x Fem!Reader

Genre : College!AU, Fluff

Note : From this part on, Justin will be referred to by his actual name, Huang Ming Hao.

College! AU Masterlist | Normal Masterlist

Previous | Next

.....

The weekend has ended and it’s back to school again.

When you arrived in the classroom, there was a huge present box next to your table. Literally everyone was staring at it. 

“Ming Hao... What’s this box doing here?” you ask.

“I’m not 100% sure, but I think I have an idea on what’s in it...” he says, followed by a sigh.

You lifted up the lid of the box and inside it was...

“SURPRISE Y/N-” 

Lin Yan Jun.

Instantly, you put the lid of the box back on.

Yan Jun popped out from the box again. “Am I not good enough a present for you???” he pouts.

“Uh... how long have you been in that box?” you answer with a question.

“A long time!!! And you didn’t even appreciate it!!!” he crosses his arms.

“Yeah, what took you so long? You’re usually really early?” Ming Hao adds.

“Cheng Cheng asked to meet me this morning.” it was when you said this, that both the guys left and right of you, notice that you had a necklace on. It wasn’t that noticeable but they still noticed the tiny aquamarine gem that rested on your skin.

“Did he give you that necklace?” Ming Hao asks. Both of them were sure that they’d seen Cheng Cheng looking at that necklace through the window of a jewelry shop when they were hanging out during the weekend.

“Uh-huh.” you responded, continuing to write in your notebook.

Ming Hao felt defeated by the thought that he was one step behind Cheng Cheng, then again, he always was. Yan Jun on the other hand, a mixture of feelings, kind of upset and betrayed, the fact that you practically rejected him doesn’t help.

Yan Jun picks up the box that he was sitting in earlier and gets ready to leave, not saying anything.

“Yan Jun.” you call out to him before he’s out the door. You grab his hand and put a piece of paper in his palm. You then head back to your seat. 

Yan Jun is out the door and decides to look at the piece of paper you slid into his grasp earlier. On the piece of paper was a simple ‘thank you.’. It was just a ‘thank you’, but it made him feel way better than he did a few seconds ago. 

“Ming Hao.” as you called his name softly, he looks towards you, and to his surprise, you were smiling at him. “Cheer up, I’m not sure what is wrong, but you look better when you smile.” you pat his head before turning back to continue reading your notes. 

You weren’t the most oblivious when it came to the people around you. You always care for your friends, making sure that they aren’t upset, even if you don’t know the source of their sorrows. That’s why you did what you did, accepting Cheng Chengs present in the end when initially, you said he should give it to someone else; saying thank you to Yan Jun despite him making a somewhat big scene in class; and cheering Ming Hao up when you noticed how he didn’t look so happy.

Whilst everything was happening, what you didn’t notice, was all the glares that you had received from the girls inside and outside of your classroom. Basically anyone who could hear your conversation with Ming Hao and Yan Jun or could see what you guys did, they were damn right jealous and furious. 

.....

“Y/N, We’re all going to the recording studio. Wanna come with?” Ming Hao asked. “I’ll catch up with you guys later. I gotta get these papers to the office first.” you tell him. He insisted that he goes with you, but you insisted that he not. Because although you aren’t sure what it was, you felt that something wasn’t right. 

Right after Ming Hao left the classroom. The girls in the class surrounded you. “Come with us.” it was the girl from before, the one that poured milk all over you. You knew it wasn’t good news, but you complied and they brought you to a deserted part of the school. 

.....

“You know, I really didn’t like you ever since you came to the school.” Yi Lan, the girl that poured milk all over you, said. “Mhm.” you replied as you leaned on the wall behind you. “You think you’re so much better than all of us?! You slut!!!” Mei, her ‘minion’, yelled at you. Not a few seconds later, the girls start to attack you. Pulling on your hair, tugging on your clothes, hitting you anywhere they could reach. You didn’t just stand there of course, you defended yourself, trying not to hurt any of them still. Some of them fell down or maybe hit the wrong spot and ended up hurting themselves. 

Soon enough, they got tired and stopped coming at you, but you were on the brink of fainting because you hadn’t had anything to eat for the entire day and it’s already 3PM. They just left you there. As the coast was clear, you reached for your phone that fell out of your pocket during the situation. It was probably stepped on. The screen was badly cracked and probably not usable anymore. 

You tried standing up and walking, but once you did, you fell after three steps. First of all, you were beaten up in an unfair situation. Secondly, you had low blood sugar. You gave up after a few tries and just lied down on the ground.

.....

When you started to open your eyes, all you could see was a familiar ceiling. It was... the hospital? You slowly sit up, looking around, you saw someone next to your bed. His face was buried in his arms so you weren’t 100% sure who it was. Upon carefully looking at him, you could finally tell who it was. It was Li Nong.

You just continued to lie on the bed, not waking him up. It was really boring since you didn’t have your phone. A few minutes later, you hear the door open and a few soft footsteps.

“Y/N!!!” as soon as the eight other guys saw you, they couldn’t help but feel relieved, calling out your name a little too loudly, which resulted in Li Nong waking up. 

They bombarded you with questions like, who, how, why. 

“Can I not tell you guys?” you sigh.

“Why not???” Cheng Cheng asked.

“I don’t want to cause any more trouble. Plus, I’m capable of defending myself.” you answer.

“Says the person who’s in the hospital bed.” Zheng Ting retaliated. 

“It was like 20 people against 1??? Zi Yi couldn’t even take them out if he was there!!!” you explained. “Okay, maybe he could- Wait, did you guys call my parents?” you added.

“No, your phone was a goner so we didn’t have any of your contacts.” Xu Kun answered.

“That’s good...” you sigh in relief. “I probably look really bad right now huh...” you lightly touched your face, feeling pain in a lot of places. They stayed silent. “How did you guys find me by the way?” 

“We were waiting for you at the studio...” Zhang Jing said first.

“But an hour passed by and you never showed up. So we went back to the classroom. And we saw your stuff there but not you.” Ming Hao added.

“So we spread out to look for you.” Li Nong added.

“Zi Yi found you first and then we called for an ambulance.” Lin Kai said.

“Hm... I’m heavy aren’t I?” you looked at Zi Yi with a small smile.

“How could you still smile at a time like this???” Cheng Cheng asks, almost furious.

“... It’s not the first time...” you fiddled with the blanket that was covering your lower half. They all just stared at you. “Have I ever mentioned that I have a 3rd grade black belt in Taekwondo?” you say. 

“And you’re telling us that because?” Xu Kun asks.

“I fought a lot, in matches of course. But also outside of matches because I didn’t have a choice. It was defend yourself or get hospitalized. And the last time I had to make that choice, it resulted in getting hospitalized. My left leg and arm were both badly messed up.” you explain. 

“Why’d you have to fight?” Zhang Jing asks.

“Because I was always picked on for being rich??? But this time wasn’t the case I guess... I think they might have picked a fight with me because I was always with you guys? So maybe we shouldn’t hang ou-” before you could finish, one of them cuts in.

“Hello??? We’re not gonna stop hanging out with you over this.” Lin Kai says.

“We’re gonna teach them a lesson for even daring to hit you.” Ming Hao adds.

“Uh... I don’t think it’s a good idea to hit girls?” you chuckle. Somehow they all had the same thought at this moment, ‘How could you still act like this in this kind of situation?’ 

“I think I should be fine after tonight... But I can’t go home with all these bruises, my parents will kill the people who hurt me and then kill me too.” you were starting to think about what to do about this.

“Maybe you could stay at my place?” Zi Yi speaks up. “My parents won’t mind and we have a couple of empty rooms.” 

.....

The next day, you were discharged from the hospital and you contacted your family attendant to help you get a new phone and some clothes delivered to the hospital that you were staying at. It was okay for him to see you because you trusted that he wouldn’t tell on you. You also let your parents know that you were staying over at a friends place, noting the fact that it was a couple of friends, plus there are adults and girls. The girls part, big lie.

Later on, when you arrive at his house, you see this, huge mansion??? Okay, mansion was exaggerating, but it was bigger than your place, just a little bigger. 

“Zi Yi, I knew you were rich, but this??? This is... wow... I’m at a loss for words???” you stare at his house. He scratches the back of his head and just smiles awkwardly.

He brings you to your room and you rest for a while before heading out to the garden. “This place, really is huge...” you look at everything that was surrounding the house. “What are you doing out here?” you turn around to see Yan Jun really close to you, like ten centimeters close. Naturally you take a step back. “I wanted to get some fresh air?” Ah, yes, the others were staying at Zi Yi’s place as well because only an idiot would let a girl stay under the same room as another guy. 

After walking around and chatting for a while, you remember something. The necklace that Cheng Cheng gave you. You wanted to return to your room to look for it but you couldn’t just leave Yan Jun. 

In the end, you could only look for it at night, after dinner. 

You dug through every inch of your belongings. You looked through your stuff over and over again until you heard a knock at the door. You get up to open the door and saw Zi Yi standing there. “Did I disturb you?” he asked politely. “No. Not at all. Is something wrong?” you replied. “I think this belongs to you. “ he held up a necklace in front of you. “Oh my God, yes. Thank you so much Zi Yi!!!” you gave him a hug. You didn’t know but Xu Kun saw you hugging Zi Yi and he didn’t feel great about it.

“Did it mean a lot to you?” Zi Yi asked as he looked at you examining the necklace. “Cheng Cheng gave it to me yesterday. If I lose it now, I’d feel really bad.” you explain. “I see... It’s getting late, sleep early, even though you don’t have to go to school tomorrow.” 

“Mhm. Goodnight!” you smiled and gave him a small wave before shutting the door.

- END -

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College! AU Masterlist | Normal Masterlist

[lovemesomesurveys]

● Name something you lost or gave away that can never be replaced. A lot of time wasted.  “I wasted my time...”   ● What 5 websites do you visit often, and why? Tumblr, YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, and Pinterest.  ● Name a totally useless possession and how you came to acquire it. Some would consider knickknacks and collectibles and stuff useless, and I mean yeah they just sit on a shelf, but I like stuff like that.  ● What music album would be used for a movie about your life? I don’t know. ● List your bad habits and/or addictions and what you have tried to rid yourself of them. I got a lot of bad habits. As for addictions, caffeine and my pain medicine. I don’t abuse it, I take it as prescribed, but after so long your body develops a dependency. I remember several years ago I tried to cut out caffeine. It lasted a couple days, I think. haha. The headaches are no joke.

● If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be, and what would you do if later on you changed your mind? There’s a long list of things I’d want to change, but I mean if I could have good health (mentally and physically) that would make a big difference. I think some other changes would follow. I can’t imagine I’d ever change my mind about that. ● What are your religious beliefs? Have they changed, or have they always stayed the same? I’m a Christian now. Up until 4 years ago I was atheist and then agnostic.  ● When was your last food craving, and what did you crave? I’ve been wanting Doritos tacos from Taco Bell lately. ● Who was your first crush and what made them special? This kid named Philip when I was in 3rd grade. He was a grade or two above me. He and I were turning the jump rope for people during this event my elementary school had every year called, Jump Rope for Heart. It was to get people active and raise awareness. Anyway, he was across from me holding the other end of the rope and I just thought he was cute haha.  ● Name your most cherished childhood memory. I have a lot of those. I loved my childhood. It wasn’t without struggle or obstacles, but for some reason those things aren’t what stand out the most. I was a strong, resilient kid. Kid me would be so ashamed of how weak I am now. ● Turn to an entry in your journal or diary from a year or more ago. What has changed and what has stayed the same since then? I don’t feel like looking back on old surveys right now. ● What is one thing nobody knows about you because nobody ever cared to ask? Hmm. ● Robert Frost write a poem titled The Road Not Taken. Name a road you’ve always wanted to travel. Where do you hope it takes you, and what might you see on the way? Wait, literally or metaphorically? I mean, metaphorically I’d like to take the road that takes me to working on myself and leading to some happiness and success. That’d be nice.  ● Name one thing you always wanted to do, but haven’t. What has prevented you from doing it? Uhh there’s a lot of things. I feel like I’ve wasted so much time in my life each passing year. I’m just wasting away. I want to just...live. Travel more. Do something with my life. My physical health has been a contributing factor, but ultimately it’s me. It’s my mental health. That affects me more than anything else. ● Write about your first kiss. Was it everything you wished or hoped it would be? It happened behind the drama department at my high school. It unexpected and awkward, but it was my first kiss so it was all I knew. I was so giddy about having had my first kiss it didn’t matter haha. ● What was the worst mistake or decision you have ever made in life? What could you have done differently? Oh jeez. I have a lot of regrets. One that weighs heavily on me in recent years relates to my health. I’m very stubborn. I should have taken better care of myself. I should have neglected certain things. Some things don’t just go away, they get worse. And here I am, still not taking care of myself like I should be. Each passing year... ● What song was stuck in your head recently, and what were you doing at the time that made you think of it? I Love Me by Demi Lovato. I just really like the song.

● Write about something you now know that you wish you knew earlier in life. How could this knowledge have helped you? Just going back to the big thing that’s been weighing heavily on my mind these past few years that I talked about up there. ● Write about your greatest fear. Death, losing loved ones, never getting better/getting worse, and never doing anything with my life. ● Name one thing you feel brings out the good in people. Hmm. ● Describe a time in your life when everything turned out fine, despite the odds. I mean, there have been some times where things turned out to be not as bad as I thought they would be.  ● If you invented a device that could fix one problem you are facing right now, would you use it? What problem would you like to solve? I’ve talked about it enough.  ● Write about the last time you spoke to your best friend. What did you talk about? Last night when my mom got home from work. She was just telling me about stuff that happened at work and the latest Coronavirus news. It’s a wild time right now. All the cancellations of events, school campuses closing, and empty shelfs because people are stockpiling on hand sanitizer, face masks, and toilet paper. Italy is quarantined. I’ve never witnessed anything like this. ● Describe a time you felt alone. I feel that way a lot. I don’t spend a lot of time physically alone, but I still feel alone a lot. ● Name something you found; what was it and where did you find it? Uhh earlier I found a new ASMR channel on YouTube to watch haha. ● What’s on your calendar for tomorrow? I have a doctor appointment.  ● What is the most annoying sound you have ever heard? Eating sounds make my skin crawl.  ● Describe your first job. I’ve never had one.  ● What is the one thing you cannot live without? Besides oxygen, food, and water; my family. And coffee. That doesn’t get lumped into food or water, coffee gets its own honorable mention.  ● Quote the nicest thing anyone has ever said about you. Lane said I was strong, beautiful, brave, and rocked red hair like nobody’s business. :D ● Are you afraid of the dark? Why or why not? I can’t sleep if it’s completely dark or quiet, which is why I sleep with the TV on. I’d be scared if the electricity went out and it was dark if I was home alone. I wouldn’t go anywhere alone at night. Even with with someone I’m heightened alert. ● Describe the longest amount of time you have ever been away from home. A week. ● Write about a recent adventure or travels. I went to Disneyland for a few days last month. It was awesome. ● Who did you idolize growing up? My mom and grandma. And some celebrities at the time that were around my age like Hilary Duff. ● Name a celebrity or famous person you wish would take you out on a date. Alexander Skarsgard. ● Describe your daily routine when you get out of bed in the morning. Take my medicine, use the restroom, have coffee.  ● Name one thing you have always been good at doing. Jumping to the worst case scenarios. ● What is your favorite season, and why? Fall and winter. I love the weather, the clothes, the scents, the holidays, and just the coziness of it all. ● What was the title of the last book you read? I’m currently reading, “The Girl That Vanished” by A.J. Rivers. It’s the sequel to, “The Girl in Cabin 13.” ● List your biggest regrets. I talked about one of them already. That’s enough for today. ● Have you ever seen a ghost? No. ● Describe your note-taking style and habits. Bullet points, underlining, asterisks, and highlighting.  ● Do you believe that we are all here for a reason? What might the reason be? Yes. You have to figure that out for yourself, we all have a different purpose. I’m still trying to figure mine out. ● What comes to mind when someone uses the phrase prolonging the magic? I’ve never heard that phrase. ● Have you ever done something just to feel the danger, or to feel alive? Drinking, smoking weed, and taking a ride in a truck at night on a backroad at night near a levee. That was scary, but definitely an adrenaline rush.  ● What is your favorite cliché? Actions speak louder than words. ● What are all your thoughts on god? I believe in God.  ● How do rainy days make you feel? I love rainy days. I do the same things I do any other day, but it’s just cozy. The sound is relaxing. ● What is the most amount of money you have had at one time? A couple grand. ● Write a celebrity crush list. Alexander Skarsgard. ● What is the most amazing thing you have ever seen, heard, or experienced? I couldn’t pick just one thing. ● What effect does music have on you? It can perk me up, it can give me a little energy if I need to clean, it can make me sad, it can make me zone out, it can make me relax.  ● What did you learn today? What did you learn yesterday? Uhhh. ● What 5 traits do people first notice when they meet you for the first time? I’m sure the very first thing they notice is I’m in a wheelchair. Then probably how thin I am. Then perhaps my hair and my black rimmed glasses. Maybe my freckles. ● Have you ever carved your name or initials into a tree or stone? No. ● Does Never Never Land really exist? No, sadly.  “Cause Neverland is home, to lost boys like me...” ● Where is a great place to get breakfast? This local place that’s known more for their burgers, fries, and shakes, but actually have bomb breakfast, too. I love their country gravy. ● List 3 things that went right (or wrong) today. It’s only 2 in the morning, but so far I had ramen, I’m finishing up my Starbucks Doubleshot energy drink, and I’m watching/listening to an ASMR video. Not a bad start, but we’ll see how the rest of the day goes... I have a doctor appointment later that I’m not looking forward to. Afterwards my mom and I are going grocery shopping and I’ll probably pick up Wingstop on the way home. It’s been hot lately and I’ve had a nagging headache the past couple days, so I hope that isn’t the case today. ● What is the best method of travel, and in what ways have you traveled? Car and plane.  ● If you could give the world just one thing, what would it be? Peace. ● What were your best and worst subjects in school or college? English throughout school, with the addition of psychology in college. My worst was always math. I struggled with science, too. Philosophy was really fucking hard. ● Describe the most outrageous thing anyone has dared you to do. I haven't really been dared to do anything too outrageous.  ● Ice cream: chocolate, vanilla, or strawberry? Strawberry, but vanilla is good as well.  ● What historical events happened the year you were born? Ted Bundy was electrocuted.  ● Pick up a random object that has special meaning to you and describe it in as much detail as possible. I’m on my bed and there’s 2 giraffe stuffed animals, one is a big squishy one. I love all my giraffe stuffed animals, which there are a LOT of. ● Write about a recent visit to a museum or art gallery. I visited a Walt Disney museum a couple years ago. It was really cool. ● What food items do you consider staples in a well-balanced diet? I’m the wrong person to ask about well balanced diets. Well balanced for me is Wingstop, ramen, this pizza from my favorite local pizza place, scrambled eggs, and coffee. haha. ● Describe your feelings in regards to an issue in todays society, and what would be done to fix it. I talked about the coronavirus, which is a big issue and hot topic currently, and my feelings to it already. ● If you had only one wish, what would you wish for? Cures for all diseases. ● If you could tell the world just one thing, what would you say? Wash your hands!  ● Share a dirty little secret about yourself (or someone else). Nah. ● Have you ever gone skinny dipping? Noooo. ● Name something you would like to devote more time to seeing or doing. I need to devote time to taking care of myself and taking some necessary steps. ● What is the name of your favorite book, magazine, or publication? I have too many favorite books. ● Describe your first car. I’ve never had my own car. I don’t drive. ● Thunderstorms… Inspiring or scary? I love them.

[volleydorkscentral]

ANSWER ALL OF THE QUESTIONS IN THE UNUSUAL ASK GAME, YOU COWARD.

First of all: 

Second, questions under the cut: 

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? - Spotify! all the way. i hoarse my bf’s account so he can never listen but i don’t care it’s mine now it’s full of my music and my playlists and whenever i’m listening to it and it suddenly changes cause he tries to use it on his phone I call him, “are you using spotify?” “oh. i mean i can listen to something else?” “cool, thanks!” and i get my music back. :D

is your room messy or clean? - it’s somewhere in between. my actual ROOM (bed room, i assume) is pretty clean, except i never make the bed. but the house is .. a work in progress. it’s not dirty but it’s cluttered so my bf and I are having to work together to clear that and build shelves and stuff for more storage space.

what color are your eyes? - dark brown! (with little green flecks when I cry)

do you like your name? why? - Not really? i don’t hate it. My mom wanted to name me Savannah but they had her sign the certificate while she was still drugged from her c-section so it ended up as Crystal?? Idk. She named her dolls Crystal when she was a kid.

what is your relationship status? - dating for almost six years. 

how many times a week do you shower? uhhh idk. I don’t shower every day (unless i get gross). AT LEAST four times… but I don’t wash my hair every time cause that’s bad for my hair. I SHOWER WHEN I AM DIRTY.

favorite tv show? does Haikyuu!! count? that’s probably a given. HM. Well, we don’t have cable so I don’t watch a lot of NEW shows? …. OH. Duh. Fuckin me I’m a dumbass. Bob’s Burgers. I literally have it on ALL THE TIME. I don’t like silence so it’s ALWAYS on in the background if i’m not listening to music. I’ve seen every episode a zillion times. I can usually pinpoint every scene and the major lines/jokes.

shoe size? most brands it’s 5 1/2 

how tall are you? SHORTER THAN NISHINOYA BUT TALLER THAN YACHI. I’m like… 5ft-5’1 depending on how much my back hurts. (i used that earlier and someone said it was funny and i’m trash so i’ll repeat it here!)

sandals or sneakers? i wear Bobs LOL. (knock off toms) and i’ve got one pair of sneakers and sometimes I wear my ballet flats around even though my bf says they look dumb fuck u they’re comfy.

do you go to the gym? No. I used to, but where I live now it’d be like a 45 min drive. I don’t really LIKE gyms though? working out is boring to me. No matter how hard I try. I’d love to start dancing again for real.

describe your dream date - April 25th because it’s not too cold and not too hot. Okay but jk that’s a lie where I live it’s balls hot in april. Idk. I’d like to go hiking when it’s not very hot? Take my dog, let her run around. Take a picnic. Sit in a grassy field and talk about dumb shit cause we know each other’s dreams and hopes by now.

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? UHM. fuck like…. $27? i know there’s a twenty and a handful of ones. And a handful of change.

what color socks are you wearing? - NONE. MY FEET ARE COLD. FOREVER COLD.

how many pillows do you sleep with? - pft like 6.

do you have a job? what do you do? - No; I quit after being over worked, under appreciated, cheated out of my paychecks a few times, and no job still due to lingering health issues.

how many friends do you have? answered this already!

whats the worst thing you have ever done? - UHM. Idk i haven’t murdered anyone. I don’t like this question cause if i really try to answer it i’ll spiral into a frustrated, furious depression and self-hatred so… NOPE.

whats your favorite candle scent? i’ve got this candle i got from etsy that’s like… Scottish Highlands? It’s grassy and kinda MAGICY.

3 favorite boy names - i don’t really have favorite names?

3 favorite girl names - answered already

favorite actor? god idk. i’m so bad with names and celebrities. uhm. I really like don’t have a favorite. I LIKE a bunch. Benedict Cumberbatch; Freddie Highmore… uhm. uh. Hugh Laurie? 

favorite actress? IDK OKAY?? I LIKE a bunch but i don’t favorite?? I really like Gwendoline Christie. Uhm. Anne Hathaway makes me laugh. MAGGIE SMITH. how could i forget!??!

who is your celebrity crush? I LEGIT don’t have one.

favorite movie? CLUE takes the top spot most days.

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? I used to read a lot more. The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt

money or brains?  personality, bitch.

do you have a nickname? what is it? not *really* but people online used to call me Chrys. My bf calls me ‘sweetie’ sometimes but he also calls the dog that so… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

how many times have you been to the hospital? - uhm. like the er? Once when I broke my arm. Doc in the box? Not since 2017.

top 10 favorite songs - PFT. Uhm. Jesus just let me die a little. Excluding all Disney; Not in any order:

No One - Biometrix

Danser - Lisandro Cuxi

A Single Moment of Sincerity (E) - Asking Alexandria (the band I was listening to when I designed my rockstar MC that I love so much)

The Annabel Trilogy (a series of 3 albums) - Alesana. Can’t pick a single song because they’re all a part of a huge story. Listen to them.

Chucky vs. The Giant Tortoise - Dance Gavin Dance

Anticoagulant - Sianvar

Ohioisonfire - Of Mice & Men

Coincidance - Handsome Dancer (Watch the Video for the love of god. THANKS ASH FOR THIS GEM)

Devil’s Backbone - The Civil Wars

Still Here - Digital Daggers (i’ve been listening it to a lot for inspiration for a new AU so… yup. That’s gonna be fun and painful)

do you take any medications daily? - yup

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) - i got dry ass skin it sucks

what is your biggest fear? - uhm… physical fear? idk. Heights is a big one that I developed? I used to not care but a while ago I was walking on a bridge and I just… looked over and got FUCKING DIZZZY with nausea and fear that I was gonna fall and almost fainted. 

how many kids do you want? - HONESTLY… one or two.

whats your go to hair style? - tried to brush but gave up so just threw it in a claw clip

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) - moderate? one story, four bedrooms. big ass yard though for the dog

who is your role model? - I don’t really have one.

what was the last compliment you received? - answered already

what was the last text you sent? - actual TEXT message? ‘as long as there’s someone with her overnight she’ll be okay during the day cause of the dog door and stuff. just play with her before you go to work and maybe hide some treats around the house for her to hunt for’ - texting my friend that’s gonna house sit while we go on a family vacation soon.

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? - UH idk the age? i know I saw my mom writing scavenger cards though. My fam has never had a lot of money so to make Christmas more interesting my mom/grandparents (we lived with them till I was in 3rd grade) would make these elaborate scavenger hunts for me and my cousins to do to find our presents around the house or out in the barn or, on one memorable occasion, at the bottom of our pool! Good memories. 

what is your dream car? - one that RUNS and has badass AC and speakers

opinion on smoking? - hate it. please don’t do it around me. my bf’s family alllllll smoke all the time and i get so sick when i have to go on vacation with them and be around it for a long time. 

do you go to college? - i DID. I went to Culinary school and majored in Baking & Pastry

what is your dream job? - Author or Dog Trainer

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? - rural as all hell. give me trees, cows, and horses. 

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? Not usually? but usually the people i’m with do. 

do you have freckles? Not on my face (except one) but i’ve got more like… on my arms and just randomly all over but i dont think ‘freckles’ would be what anyone thinks of when they think of me

do you smile for pictures? - only if i’m forced to be in them

how many pictures do you have on your phone?  - HAHAHAHAHAHA. Well. Before I got my new phone it was over 10k. Now though its only about 2k. 

have you ever peed in the woods? - Only when I was camping. 

do you still watch cartoons? - ALL THE GODDAMN TIME

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? - neither. but i HATE WENDYS and can tolerate McD’s fries and they’ve got ballin’ sweet tea so I guess McD.

Favorite dipping sauce? this honey dijon creamy thing at my favorite French restaurant but idk what is is.

what do you wear to bed? - t-shirt 

have you ever won a spelling bee? - YUP. 2nd grade.  

what are your hobbies? - writing, crocheting, photography, reading, uh… i forget what else

can you draw? when i was doing it all the time i did ok? but i’m WAY TOO IMPATIENT now a days to do it. 

do you play an instrument? - no but i wish i did :(

what was the last concert you saw? - i’ve never been to a concert. crowds are icky

tea or coffee? - tea!

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? - already answered this

do you want to get married? - Yes pls

what is your crush’s first and last initial? - (bf, but I suppose i still have a crush on him? is love considered a crush?) J. Y. 

are you going to change your last name when you get married? god yes. my current last name is my shitbag of a sperm doner and i hate it. my mom kept it after they divorced only cause she thought her maiden name would be too hard for me to spell but i would give anything to have that name instead

what color looks best on you? - idk. i prefer black but i’ve been told green and certain shades of pink/yellow. 

do you miss anyone right now? - not until i thought about it, thanks

do you sleep with your door open or closed? open so my pupper can go in and out

do you believe in ghosts? not until i’m faced with darkness and creepy things 

what is your biggest pet peeve? people chewing their food loud. people not picking up after themselves. people interrupting me (but not in the excited, OMG way. that we can work though) but in the ‘i don’t care what you’re saying i’m going to talk now’ way

last person you called` - my bf to discuss plans for his brother’s bday

favorite ice cream flavor? cookies n’ cream!

regular oreos or golden oreos? DOUBLE STUFF OF EITHER

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? FUCK SPRINKLES

what shirt are you wearing? a shirt that has my dog’s face on it :D

what is your phone background? - the art that Ash drew of Bokuto from my fic Just a Taste!!

are you outgoing or shy? - i hate talking to strangers but with my friends i’m pretty fucking loud and chatty

do you like it when people play with your hair? only people i know

do you like your neighbors? nope. he’s an asshole who neglected his dog and i wanna skin him alive

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? i do my best to remember to do it at night but i always do it when i shower

have you ever been high? yup. 

have you ever been drunk? yup

last thing you ate? BIRTHDAY CAKE

favorite lyrics right now - idk? i guess the first lyrics that came to mind, even though they’re not my favorite, just ones that i like and were stuck in my head for a while: “All of the handsome fiction / will melt away / and when the flame burns brighter / Evaporate” Evaporate - Dance Gavin Dance

summer or winter?  WINTER FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. IT’S SO FUCKING HOT IN SUMMER I DIE EVERY DAY

day or night? both have their merits

dark, milk, or white chocolate? - all chocolate but i prefer white to just EAT. 

favorite month? uhm. uhh. November maybe? for NaNoWriMo. 

what is your zodiac sign - pftt.. i think i used to be a Gemini? i don’t believe in all that stuff 

who was the last person you cried in front of? - ….. my dog? but probably my mom and Grandmother when my GM basically said my bf didn’t love me and was a shit human being and i was a shit granddaughter for loving him. i was both upset and furious and i walked away from them. (my mom called and apologized, but i haven’t spoken to my GM since)

THERE ASH ARE YOU GODDAMN HAPPY. that took so long LOL (I hope the formatting came through I had to redo it on this tumblr page UGH)

[lux-astrorum]

so i’ve seen this “bts is racist (most specifically antiblack)” post going around and i...wanted to say some words

first of all, they (and their company, who obviously play a hand in their product and their image) have made a lot of mistakes. especially early on in their careers. they have appropriated black culture. they have said inappropriate/insensitive things. i’m white, and so i can’t relate to how black people may have been hurt by their past words/actions, but as a woman, i have to come to come to terms with the fact that they’ve said a lot of misogynistic things as well and openly joked about engaging in behaviors i don’t support (cough cough watching porn cough cough). 

secondly, i’m sorry on behalf of our fandom that so many people treat bts as literal perfect angels who can do no wrong. whatever bts themselves have done/said may hurt, but i’m sure it also hurts even more when most of their massive following literally blindly idolizes them and cannot acknowledge their flaws. celebrities are humans too, and no matter how “perfect” they may try to keep their image, they make mistakes like any of us, yet so few fans are willing to see that.

that said, i did want to say a few things. as someone who has lived and taught in Korea for over a year know, I’m here to tell you: this country as a whole sucks ASS at international awareness, supporting minorities, and general social issues education. bear in mind, even in Seoul, it’s mostly a homogeneous society, at least ethnically. even so, the sensitivity to social, particularly multicultural, issues is pretty abysmal. for example:

-i don’t even own a tv but i went on a trip here and we had a tv in the room we were staying at and were just flipping through channels and saw blackface on a variety or comedy show. this is the year 2019

-the south korean president himself has greeted foreign rulers & dignitaries in the wrong language on his recent Asian tour (more of a gaffe than anything but still demonstrates that this unawareness and lack of care about other cultures penetrates to a very high level in politics and society)

-hey remember when Blackpink took some heat for imitating tribal yells in “Boombayah” a few years back? well apparently koreans still don’t have an issue with that bc literally my first day of teaching last year the 3rd grade teacher puts on a video of the song “10 little Indians” and had the kids imitate tribal yells as part of the song. i didn’t even know how to respond

so there’s a few takeaways from this: most importantly, bts themselves were likely not educated, perhaps at all, on any of these issues growing up. i’d hazard a guess that seoul does a slightly better job than anywhere else in the country since it has the most representation of the international community, but even seoul is awful and NONE of the bts members grew up here. 

which brings me to my second point: as far as my memory and understanding goes (i’ve only been involved in the fandom since 2016, i don’t know every single thing there is to know about bts, and i didn’t check all of the specific things the op of that post mentioned) most of the relevant insensitive words/actions occurred earlier in their careers. bear in mind that in 2013 when they debuted, most of the members were still teenagers - jin, born in dec 1992, would have been the oldest at 20. all i know is before i was 20 i still held a lot of really trashy religious/social/political views too and wouldn’t have hesitated back then to say a lot of things that I now realize could be insensitive at best and hurtful at worst. but i’ve since stepped back, listened to others, educated myself a bit better, and i’m always trying to work toward being better & understanding others more.

which brings me to my final point: i’ve been in the fandom long enough now to see bts gradually enter the mainstream entertainment/fame scene, and even since then i’ve noticed they’ve made efforts to be more culturally aware and sensitive. the most poignant example that comes to mind now is when they first performed at the BBMAs in 2018, they changed all the lyrics to “Fake Love” that included 내가 (”nae-ga,” I) and 네가 (”ni-ga,” you), just to avoid any possible misunderstandings that might arise from a primarily non-Korean-speaking audience. (I mentioned before that as a woman I have to deal with the fact that bts once released songs like “War of Hormone,” the lyrics of which sadly perpetuate misogyny and rape culture - BUT, bts would later go on to release “21st Century Girl,” the entire “Love Yourself” series, and “Boy With Luv,” titles that show us a developed, thoughtful, mature, educated view on women’s inherent dignity/value and true love.) i’m just word vomiting onto this post so i’m not going to include a general list of evidence, but it does seem like, especially once bts started getting exposed to the international community and traveling and collaborating frequently outside of korea, they have made a lot of conscious effort to grow, mature, educate themselves, and be more careful about their words, actions, and overall message.

is bts perfect now? no. some of you may recall recently (ok maybe not recently....but like, within the last year) some controversy over jimin wearing a  korean streetwear shirt that had Korea’s independence day printed on it with an image of an atomic bomb explosion. yeah, maybe not his most shining moment as a person. (but AGAIN, i can vouch that most koreans wouldn’t have a problem with that at all, in fact the shirt sold out shortly after the controversy arose, bc lots of koreans in my experience are constantly looking for ways to give the middle finger to japan. but i digress). the POINT is, no member of bts ever was, is, or will be perfect or completely pure and unproblematic. that’s just life. but i think their image and music have come a long way in trying to promote something positive, and that’s something to be acknowledged. 

to conclude:

1) i do not know bts personally as people. i am aware that idols qua idols are first and foremost a carefully constructed image designed to make money. that said, my impression of bts is that their words, actions, and product were sometimes insensitive, and as a result hurtful, more frequently early on due mainly to a lack of proper education and awareness (same as korea in general), as well as the fact that they were still young and immature, and of course flawed human beings. however, my impression is also that they’ve never intentionally tried to be malicious or hurt anyone, and that they’ve made sincere efforts to educate themselves and do better going forward.

2) bts having said/done racist, misogynistic, etc, etc things IS a problem. but it’s not a bts problem, it’s a nationwide korean society and education problem. and the fact that so many bts/kpop fans refuse to see this problem makes it a WORLDWIDE problem. we can all do better to be more sensitive to others and be more careful with our words/actions, and we can all do better about not blindly elevating people as though they’re perfect and trying to point-blank defend everything they do even if it’s obviously wrong.

3) people are people. we make mistakes. we do/say hurtful things. sometimes it’s innocent ignorance, sometimes it’s willful ignorance, and sometimes it’s just plain malicious. those things do hurt, but please give people room to learn & grow after their mistakes. 

[mariellewritesalot]

That Time I Won a Palanca

The first time I joined the Palanca Awards I was 15 and eager, high on hopes that maybe I had a shot at winning something so prestigious. It was around the time that my writing blog was only 5 months old and receiving feedback from strangers on the internet, with Sir KC's push, I gave it a try. I failed. I had quietly hoped for the worst, but it still stung when I realized I’ve been daydreaming about it quite often. The next time around I was so discouraged I didn't even bother. Since I lost in RACJOURN 2016, too, and there were people who openly told me I needed improvement, I took a break from my writing. There was a long period of time where I thought my writing was not getting me anywhere, that it was just as everyone said--a hobby. I settled for writing whenever I felt like it and doing my best not to fail as the Editor-in-Chief of Ang Kalatas, a literary folio entrusted to me by my school. I became anxious of sharing my thoughts online, doubted my abilities, vowed to read more, and tried to improve how I wrote. I rarely let my family read my work, but my parents have always been supportive of me being a writer despite their hopes that I may pursue law after all. My teachers saw potential in me, always, which warms my heart every time. I for one, am a big fan of constructive criticism when it came to my writing. My friends, even if they often hit me with #nosebleed jokes, are my biggest fans, too. This support system kept me going and so, when 2017 came, I decided to give the Kabataan Essay category another shot before I turned 18.

2017. The first defining moment was copping silver for Feature Writing in RACJOURN 2017 with my piece on Extrajudicial Killings. I joined the Manila Times Essay Writing Contest with the same theme but failed. This didn’t stop me. I was anxious as I wrote my piece for Palanca in the summer, stressing about it for a whole month, letting Sir Ivan and Ma'am Fyke read it so they can provide their critique, spending about 3 hours on the last night, thinking of the perfect title before I sent it in the following day. As my parents stood by me while I freaked over requirements, I calmly told them that if I win, it would all be for them, anyway. There is no better feeling in the world than seeing my parents happy, to let them know that all their struggle to get me good education and to raise me well aren’t going to waste. 

To be completely honest, there was one event in life this year that led me to believe my entire year was down the drain. I was devastated. Heartbroken. Clinging on to my friends for support. In tears at the most random times...It took a while before I got better, the progress was so slow that sometimes I think I am still not over it, especially when things stress me out and all I need is someone to talk to. I started working out and *trying* to eat healthier when I can. Before I knew it, I was 20 pounds lighter. I joined inter-school events, focused on college entrance exam reviews, had the time of my life with friends I’ve neglected for the past two years. Literally anything that could occupy my time and the empty feeling I had in me, and yet, there were still nights when the pain would get so unbearable I began to ask if the good times were ever even worth this suffering. It got my mind off winning a Palanca award since all I wanted was to feel better and I didn’t think I could take another heartbreak if I didn’t win. I prayed a lot, took refuge in my faith that God will never fail me with the help of my friend Sofia, who encouraged me to read the Bible when I could. Now, I feel calmer whenever I realize that this was something God was telling me, to mold me into the person I was meant to be. He had His reasons, I just had to be strong and patient enough to see it through.

On the 5th of August 2017, I answered the door thinking that the shirt I ordered online had finally arrived. It surprised me when the courier handed me a smaller package. I remember asking, "Kuya, saan galing 'tong sulat?" 

And him going, "Sa Palanca Awards po, Ma'am. Sumali po ba kayo? Nako mukhang nanalo kayo Ma'am ha! Malaki yang award na yan!" 

My heart raced at the name of the sender. I laughed and said, "Nako, Kuya, wag mo kong paasahin baka masaktan ako!" 

I ran to the dinning room, hands shaking so much I couldn't open the package. My brother, Kuya Rj, had to open it for me and give me the envelope. I CRIED when I read it. It was the first time in a long while that I shed tears because I was unbelievably happy. I ran upstairs to tell my parents, my mom wanting to immediately let her Facebook friends know. My dad told me he knew I had it in me. My friend, Justine, who was visiting that time reacted the same way. I told them I wanted to keep it a secret first. I told everyone I cared for and loved through private messages. It was the happiest day of my life, I was so overwhelmed with gratitude I wanted to reach out to the sky and give God the biggest hug. I was saved, blessed beyond measure.

After almost 3 eventful weeks, last night I finally got my award at The Manila Peninsula with my mother. Everything looked so beautiful, in my head I was internally screaming because I was in the presence of literary geniuses, renowned icons, and writers like me who couldn’t believe their luck. Table 18, the one where I sat with fellow 18 under winners and their lovely parents who were all accommodating. I never thought I’d ever experience being called upfront prior  to the ceremony just so photographers could take our photo. Surreal, is what! I was almost half-expecting someone to come out and tell me I’m being pranked, or for me to wake up because surely I must be dreaming. I not nearly as good as everyone in that room. What did I do to deserve such honor? The dinner was great, and for a split second I regretted wearing a tight dress, I could eat all night! The tea was exceptional as well. The play presentation was entertaining, worthy of a Palanca indeed. Dr. Dalisay’s speech sparked something in me: a vision, maybe, of what it would be like to write (and speak) as well as he does. F. Sionil Jose sat two tables away from us, and I wanted a photo with him but he left earlier than expected. My mother fangirled over Cherry Pie Picache being in the same room (and the bathroom!) The feeling of coming up the stage and receiving the award was the most exhilarating thing I’ve experienced. Dr. Dalisay was right, I will never forget the first time I won a Palanca, that night. The certificate will keep me going through hard times, just as his did. I knew right then and there that only a few have had the same experience, and I am not letting it pass me by. I am determined to write for as long as I can, improving every year. I still have a long way to go, but I am excited for what the future holds for my writing career.

Thank you to everyone who believed in me and my writing. My family and friends, teachers, Adamson University--my second home since the 3rd grade, online readers since the dawn of my Wattpad fan fiction phase (slight cringe) after my short Jr. Total Girl Staff Writer stint at 12, to the birth of mariellewritesalot at 15, and now. Thank you God, for showing me You are never going to make me struggle without giving me blessings in return. Even with college entrance exams and my debut coming up, I feel like my 2017 has already been made. I can only hope for it to get even better.

This experience has humbled me and made me want to write more for the youth, and for our country. Mabuhay ang mga alagad ng sining! 

Marielle Fatima Burog Tuazon. 17 years old. Palanca awardee, third prize for "The Pursuit of Lucidity" in the Kabataan Essay category. 🤗

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT: I will be releasing a new short story in November to celebrate my 18 years of existence on that month! The tentative title is Our Last Good Day and it’s going to be the Young Adult short story you wouldn’t want to miss. More updates and hints coming your way, soon! If you want to read my past short stories, click here.

[salamandergoo]

Tagged in a thing

Tagged by: @game-of-grump Rules: answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people The last: 1. Drink: water 2. Phone call: my mom. Probably? 3. Text message: “!!!!" To a friend after they sent me a pic of their chubby dog (a VERY good dog) 4. Song you listened to: Feel Invincible by Skillet 5. Time you cried: After an argument with my dad not too long ago 6. Dated somebody twice: Nope! 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Nope! 8. Have been cheated on: Nope 9. Lost someone special: in 3rd grade I lost a friend to cancer 10. Been depressed: Yep. Depression is fun. 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: I don't drink so nope 12. Favorite colors to wear: Black 13. Blue 14. Green In The Last Year Have You: 15: Made new friends: Yeah! 16. Fallen out of love: Not really 17. Laughed until you cried: hella 18. Found out somebody was talking about you: not really? 19. Met somebody who changed you: Ye 20. Found out who your friends are: yep 21. Kissed somebody on your Facebook list: I haven't used Facebook since like 2015 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: ^^^^ 23. Do you have any pets: No, but I'm looking into it! 24. Do you want to change your name: Maybe? I'm not really sure these days 25. What did you do for your last birthday: went to dinner with the fam 26. What time did you wake up: Depends on the day 27: What were you doing at midnight: RPing with @mrdrprofessorwecht 28. Name something you can’t wait for: seeing part of my family tomorrow! 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: earlier today 30. What are you listening to right now: Smosh vids in the background 31. Have you ever talked to somebody named Tom: I don't think so? 32. Something that gets on your nerves: people who use bad grammar 33. Most visited website: blue hellsite 34. Hair color: brown/auburn 35. Long or short hair: v short 36. Do you have a crush on somebody: kinda? 37: What do you like about yourself: my eyes I guess 38. Piercings: Just my ears! But I might get another one 39. Blood type: Why is this a question? I don't know what mine is but like... why is this a question? 40. Nickname: None. I don't really like nicknames from most people 41. Relationship status: Single as heck 42. Zodiac: Pisces 43. Pronouns: Any. I usually use she/her irl and they/them online, but I'm cool with any pronouns 44. Favorite TV shows: Mythbusters, Outrageous Acts of Science, Big Brother (during the summer obviously), Steven Universe, and occasionally MLP:FiM 45. Tattoos: None 46. Right or left-handed: right 47. Surgery: got my gall bladder out at 9(?) 48. Sport: I played basketball and field hockey in middle school, but that's it 49. Vacation: I'm not sure what this one is asking? 50. Pair of trainers: or this one? 51. Eating: I'll have a cheesesteak in like 5 minutes (waiting on delivery) 52. Favorite drink: Fuckin OJ 53. What are you up to: just... answering these questions 54. Waiting for: my fucking delivery 55. Want: a doggo 56. Get married: maybe? 57. Career: Collision Repair Specialist! Working through tech school for certifications! 58. Hugs or kisses: hugs 59. Lips or eyes: eyes I guess? 60. Shorter or taller: shorter, but I'd date a tall girl! 61. Older or younger: I don't really care 62. Nice arms or stomach: I don't really care, but there is something real nice about strong arms 63. Hook up or relationship: relationship 64. Troublemaker or hesitant: yes 65. Kissed a stranger: nope 66. Drank hard liquor: I literally can't... 67. Lost glasses/ contact lenses: Fun story: I actually lost a pair of glasses in the ocean a few years ago lol 68. Turned someone down: no 69. Sex in the first date: NO 70. Broke someone’s heart. I don't think so 71. Had your heart broken: I don't think so 72. Been arrested: Nope 73. Cried when someone died: Yup 74. Fallen for a friend: Yeah... Do You Believe In: 75: Yourself: Not really 76. Miracles: Maybe? 77. Love at first sight: Not love, but attraction at first sight, sure 78. Santa Claus: nope 79. Kiss on the first date: depends 80. Angels: idk Other: 81. Current best friends names: Zach, Xavier, Cori, and other friends who wouldn't want their names here 82. Eye color: blue 83. Favorite movie: Zootopia probably I tag: @sweetiefiend @awkwardespionage @i-am-avacado @mrdrprofessorwecht @avidaddy uh... idk anyone who wants to do it?

[kaoarika]

For simplicity sake (it’s getting too long! AHHHH. didn’t expect this reception on that post. Thank you for your comments, @greengargouille and @poison-glasses​! I have learned too much that I don’t think I do a very good job in that kind of thoughtful posts since there are times that I don’t do enough research), I decided to do a separate post.

Leaving the “levels of acquaintance” topic from my original post, aside (these are very good responses that I am going to consider from now onwards, THANK YOU!) I wanted to fulfill what I do think about 3-E class and the possible existence of other E classes and the number of students that I originally replied about.

Considering a few things, I think it’s very possible that Gakuhou was abusing some loopholes here and there (I mean, yeah... it’s very much “screw the law! I have money!” - as long as it was giving results for a major authority and swiping everything under the rug - or you know, hiding “those” details to a major authority).

I understand that 35-40 students is reasonable and permitted. I mean, it’s also very possible in other schools in the world... then again I’m not too much deep into what is permitted with this in my own country’s education system by law: I used to go to a big private school in my Elementary education years, and in average, I was in classes where there were max. 35-40 students, too (and two groups in each year at least there... a bigger school -like the one my brother went to- would have three or four groups with 35-40 students each, too). When I moved, I was in a smaller private school and Secondary/Middle School was basically a group per year, and the average was less than 30 students per year. So having various E classes would also be plausible.

However, this is Kunugigaoka that we are talking about. The school system that it has has always been very sketchy and dubious as hell, so much that I’m pretty sure that “as long as it proved good results, people would literally sweep everything aside” was applied here.

I mean, it took so damn long until the school was closed if we go by the epilogue’s narration. Because, as soon as it was discovered about how Class 3-E was treated, and some other dodgy things... it’s obvious that the entire thing was dubious as hell.

Gakuhou is very smart, and there are a couple of moments where we find out that he is mostly interested in the money that the government is paying the school as long as he keeps Korosensei as a secret. He even mentions about that in his retrospective limelight chapter when he was finally snapping after the whole “3-E Class is abolishing my school system?? this isn’t what I originally was going for” that he was planning to use the money they were paying him to make them (and later generations of students) more miserable because he wasn’t very worried about Korosensei, NAH... he was worried that that E class was abolishing the “perfect” school system he planned in the decade he has been working as a chairman.

The idea I got with the 45-50 students thing basically born with this idea, too:

When Takebayashi returned to the main building, he wouldn’t follow how the classes were taught. At some point, I think it’s even compared to how high school (or was it college?) classes were planned (I think it was around the time midterm exams were planned). If we go by Gakuhou’s “perfect” school system... it’s very possible that classes per average would have higher number of students (if he decided to follow a high-school/college like plan? I’m probably very wrong with this). But we may never know that either way because the manga isn’t very constant about this that doesn’t add that much at all.

There aren’t hints that other E classes may exist. If it was true, then they are probably an “E” class in all but name (and bullying) to not be associated to 3-E. I can think of things like a cram school-kind of like special classes for students who have lower grades to out-perform and be like clubs? I mean, it’s Kunugigaoka, after all, so this is also very possible, right? (or maybe my idea is a tiny bit weird?)

There is also a tiny bit of a probability that other E classes are isolated in the main building. HELL, if the school system was as perfect as Gakuho seem to think it was, their teachers probably brainwashed those kids in first and second years to outperform other students (meaning our protagonists dodged a bullet right there?).

...Anyway.

I may get out-of-topic again.

I personally think that other E classes do not exist, if we take for granted how Nagisa and the others talk about 3-E as a special punishment for students who were falling behind than their classmates due to various reasons (be it attidude problems, grades, going against the rules and all). They are restricted from their other main building’s privileges and they are a free-pass to bully. They are transferred to another building to isolate them and “punish” them.

Sure, there are things that students may do to get an easy pass to return to the main building. It was either an excellent performance (like what happened with Takebayashi), a talk with their old teacher... or briebing them with money (Nagisa’s mom’s suggestion?)... the chairman included.

I have been with the idea that, if a 1-E and a 2-E do not exist, the chairman closes the 2nd year classes earlier to recap and see the performances (and complaints) of the 2nd year students to introduce them to 3-E earlier than when the usual school year starts. That’s how I perceived it when Aguri is introduced to our 3-E students.  I mean, instead of starting in April as everyone else, they would start as soon as the 3rd years graduate (if we go by that that date is around mid-March, like the 13th with them... perhaps even earlier due to the high school admission exams), and scrapping the Spring Vacation period (I’m not the right person to say this holds 100% true, as I’m looking at sources while researching about this, like this one -2014- and this -2016-). In fact, I am probably going to be wrong on this: doesn’t Korosensei introduces himself a few days after the Moon exploded in March 12th/13th? The kids weren’t fully acquainted with Aguri (as she passed away during that day), either... at best, those classes with her only lasted a few weeks.

Of course... the thing with Korosensei and the government and their own plans to kill him was a very extraordinaire case where the chairman couldn’t do the usual...

AHHHH.... sorry about my long babbling. 

This thing turned out longer than I thought. Some of this are built around my fuzzy memories (about specific details of the series, even though I’m rereading the series in its physical format... in a bimonthly schedule :’D, while noticing new details around), so maybe I’m wrong, but I’m also learning a lot, really. I... didn’t think the original post that much to go further in details like this (I mean, the original point of that post was mostly about the level of acquaintances in between the characters in pre-canon). 

This explains why I didn’t want to reblog the original post, too. It was getting too long already, and my writing on this didn’t help. Sorry. OTL

[katsu-fatale]

Am I a shitty person?

For the second half of May, I went abroad on a school trip to Australia. I didn’t get along with most of my peers because they were more concerned about getting drunk than actually experiencing the Culture and learning new things. I managed to be okay with one person on the trip, we’ll call him Brad. Brad and I hung out quite a bit. You know how in grade school you had friends that fell into two categories? One category involved friends who would come over to play on the weekends. And category 2 consisted of friends who were exclusively friends at school. Yknow, the kind you don’t invite to your birthday party, but there’s no hard feelings because you’re not THAT close. Brad fell into category 2. In fact, after this trip, I had no intention of keeping up a relationship with him. We existed for each others survival. And it took me plenty of energy just to be around him. He really liked to talk politics. I don’t mind politics but it was overwhelming. His next goal was to push my buttons. Throughout the trip I’d be subject to regular comments about how I need to lift more (despite me already being fit), how I was gaining weight on the trip (which was necessary--I was hovering just above the underweight line before we left), and how inferior I was because my knowledge of classic rock, though great compared to most people, was minimal compared to his. Ultimately, I kept Brad around during the trip because he was all I had, and I was all he had. And we both knew that even though under normal circumstances we wouldn’t have gotten to know each other, the other person was more tolerable than the rest of the class. At the very least, we entertained each other one way or another.

Flashing forward to today. It’s been about a month since we returned from Australia. Brad and I have had conversations via text maybe 4 times, and have seen each other in public once only for me to receive the external battery pack I lent him and forgot to get back.

Today is Brad’s 21st birthday. I don’t like saying Happy Birthday and being done with it -- not sure why. Usually I settle for a cute gif or a group of emojis via text. I’m not sure why I even bothered texting Brad, but I sent him a quick message just before taking a call from my father. The message said “What did you have for your first legal drink?” Brad has drank before, but being 21 is special because you can do it legally, so it’s still a special day to have a drink.

“I haven’t had anything yet.”

It is then that I receive a call from another, let’s call her Mei. I have a small crush on Mae. She has an amazing sense of humor, sunny disposition, and is passionate about everything she does. Also, she’s cute. Mei was craving Pho so we agreed to meet at a Pho place by my apartment for dinner.

After I get off the phone with Mei, my dad calls, and I start getting a flood of texts from Brad, asking if I’m free. Assuming dinner wouldn’t last too long, I said “Yeah” and proceeded to explain I was heading out for dinner at the moment. Why on earth would he want to hang out with me on his 21st? I wonder to myself. He had other friends. Better, closer friends. Had they forgotten him? Did he think we were closer than we actually were? I couldn’t just leave him alone on his birthday, but I had other plans...girl-date-ish plans. I guessed he could join us and we could go to to the barcade togehter.

I texted Mei and asked if Brad could join us for dinner. Then I invited Brad to join us. Brad has this horrible habit of saying rude/bigoted things ironically. Every once in a while, thought, he seriously is a closed-minded prick. Because of his habit, though, sometimes it’s hard to tell if he’s being ironic or if he’s actually stating his true feelings. Prior to his arrival, I warned Mei of this, almost as a way of protecting her from getting agitated, and protecting Brad from immediate judgement as soon as something stupid came out of his mouth, because it would.

The meal went fine, but things started to get tense in the car when talking about pride. I hesitantly mentioned being not-straight. Brad immediately declared that I was lying. I thought about telling him about how he literally disrupted a girl-date to even be here, but I didn’t. I let Mei abandon the issue and we both stewed for a little bit until the topic changed. Finally we made it to the Barcade. At this point it became clear to me that Brad indeed had no birthday plans. None for himself, none planned by others. And this made me remember that Brad is the type of person who hates to admit it but wants to fall in with a “cool” crowd. Which meant taking people who might not care about him as much as he likes, and declaring them friends. Which is perhaps why nobody bothered to throw or attend a celebration for his birthday.

And this is where I start to feel a little bad. I try to get him to have a single drink with Mei and I, but he refuses. His 21st birthday, and he hijacks a girl-date to a Barcade, and chooses not to drink. Most of these games are single player, or the kind where you have to take turns if you want to play with someone else. We all meander to different games. As I struggle to finish my drink, Brad nowhere in sight, Mei and I meander back to the outdoor lounge where we take a few minutes to talk uninterrupted by arcade sounds. We both really like figure skating.  Almost like clockwork, I get a text from Brad asking where we are, so I tell him where we are and he approaches. I can tell he feels like a 3rd wheel. And he is. I want to make him the center of my attention for the rest of the night but he is a really difficult, energy absorbing person to be around for me, and the sun has set. I have been up since 6:00am in the morning and put in a 10 hour workday before any of this was even planned. And so, I decide to be me. Not some fake friend who is gonna smile and pretend we’re super close when we aren’t. Not some person who feels the need to please everyone other than herself (a person I was until just 2 months ago when I went through an emotional breakup from a 3 year relationship). I decide to do what I wanna do. And what I wanna do is hang with Mei. Mei is easy to be around. Mei does not take tons of energy to be around. Do I still give Brad attention? Yes, because it’s his birthday, and I care enough about him as another human being to not totally neglect him.

This is when I realize I should not have brought him along. We use up the rest of our tokens, and we go to take care of our tabs before heading out. Because Brad didn’t buy a drink, he only had $5 on his tab. To use a card, you need at least $10 on your tab. None of us had cash to bail him out, so he was forced to purchase either a drink or a slice of pizza. He opted for the pizza. Though the Barcade was plastered in $10 minimum signs, he still seemed angry that this was a policy, or perhaps he was angry that we didn’t pay for him. I’m not sure which. Either way, he wasn’t happy. 

He was quietly raging in the back seat the entire ride home while Mei and I chatted. Addressing it now wouldn’t do anything. We tried to steer our conversation in directions that he could join in, but he didn’t take the bait. It was only moments after dropping him off that I received  “Hey that was really uncool of you to pretty much 3rd wheel me the entire time tonight. You made me feel very left out, and I don’t plan on hanging out with you anytime in the foreseeable future.” I didn’t know how to respond. I don’t think I care to respond? I blocked the number and unfriended on social media. I don’t know how to deal with this problem and frankly I don’t really care to. Maybe I’m a bad person. But here are my thoughts on the thing as a whole: - If he wanted a Birthday party, he could have had one. - If he wanted to hang out with just me, he could have not invited Mei along too. - If he wanted to ensure things went as he intended, he could have planned earlier than the day of - Nobody is entitled to a “Happy Birthday” - It’s up to you to make the most of a situation you are in. Did my boyfriend literally bail on my 21st birthday celebration to spend a night at another woman’s house? Yes. Did I still go do the celebration and take my father and my roommate instead, and have a decent time? Yes. - Should I have declined his offer to hang out? Yes. I should have apologized and said I already had plans tonight. - Should I have given him more attention tonight? Perhaps. - Should I apologize? I don’t think so. I think the key reason for this is that he is genuinely not a person I want in my life.

- I am more gay than I thought. And I’m happy to have Mei around to help me learn that, and process the things that happened tonight.

[canaryatlaw]

ALRIGHT, well today was something. Something indeed. Woke up to my alarm at 9:25, got out of bed and got ready, poured my cocoa krispies I not a bowl only to discover my milk had curdled one day past the expiration date (booo, but at least I discovered it before I poured it over the cereal) so I had to pour that back into the box and go with some cinnamon toast eggos and some cranberry oatmeal cookies (because I mean, cranberries and oatmeal are healthy, that's good enough) and stuck a yogurt smoothie drink in my bag to drink on the train. So I leave at 10 to get to school by 11. I get off the train and I see Dan hanging out, then I dig in my bag for like 2 minutes to discover I'm out of bars, and I'm also 100% out of cash, and change. But, I never got around to drinking my yogurt smoothie, so hey, he could probably use it more than me. So I go talk to him, and he says he was thinking about me the other day because some guy gave him a clif bar and those are what I always give out, and how he was hoping he'd see me soon, and that he really loved the yogurt things so that made me happy. Anthony wasn't out at that point which I was sad to see, but more on that later. Get to school, drop my stuff in the PAD office. I had to have my paper time stamped and in the drop box by noon, and it's a little after 11 at this point. I end up waiting for my spring break friend because we had been discussing stapling them or not (because they're generally too thick to be stapled) and she said she had those little black clips so she had to go print hers out and then we went and handed them in, time stamped 11:27. I don't know when they'll actually get out of that box and graded, I'm just happy that it's out of my hands now. I was supposed to meet with my field placement advisor at 11:30, but being that her office was literally one floor away I wasn't too worried, and I got there at 11:29 just as she was finishing her meeting with the other girl she's the advisor for. Pleasant enough meeting (well, for our line of work, but you know), I was telling her about the change of goal hearing I was witnessing the other day and she wanted to know what I would do if I was the judge and I was honestly like so torn because clearly this kids want to go home and you want to give the parents another chance, but at what point have they been given enough chances if this case has been in the system since 2013? Just a hard situation. I ended up saying I'd want to talk to the kids, which is the conclusion the judge came to as well. We talked a bit about the child death case of a baby (a few months after her 1st birthday I believe) that happened in a town a bit further out, and how when your normal person hears a news report like oh a child is missing they don't necessarily think any nefarious is going on but from this perspective you immediately know something is wrong for a child of that age, they can barely take two steps without falling, they don't go wandering off. As one lawyer in my office put it "once they said they couldn't find her after 10 minutes I knew she was dead." And sadly he was right. It was a really troubling case that's very indicative of the issues of the system because a DCFS investigator had literally been at the house earlier that day- typical dirty house case (yes that's a thing, it's a form of neglect and it requires a high level of filth and living in pretty much insect infested trash) and the girl's death will probably be ruled accidental, but that doesn't mean neglect charges can't be brought in criminal court because you can just leave a 1 year old alone...okay sorry for the rant, I'll move on now. So after the meeting I went back to the PAD office and wound up hanging out in the lounge for most of the rest of the day with several other members of my class and kind of alternated between attempting to explain concepts we only had a cursory handle on to each other, quizzing each other, bitching about the class, and bitching about other things haha. It was, honestly probably one of the more entertaining studying sessions I've had in a while, and it's good to hear what other people have been focusing on and a lot of them had like memorized formulas for claims that I could use so I worked on remembering those. At some point being that I'd only had a fairly light breakfast I was hungry, and decided to go to the salad place across the street that I've only been to once before because it's like *uber healthy* and that's very much not my thing haha but I had actually really liked what I got there the first time and felt like going there again. So I go outside, and Anthony is out in his normal spot, which is actually just to the right of this place. So, a bit of background I think I forgot to mention in some of these posts since I don't always catalogue our day to day conversations. A few weeks ago he told me it was his birthday and I wanted to get him something, so I told him I would because I wanted him to at least have a gift from somebody. Then of course I faced the same issue as Christmas- what do you buy for someone that's homeless/living in a shelter? The options are kind of limited. I ended up going with a personal sized fan, a really nice one from Brookstone. I was trying to find one with a long lasting battery like the watch I got him but they just didn't exist, so I gave him two times worth of batteries as well. I had left it in the office at that point though, so I went over to him and said I was gonna grab lunch but that I had his present and would come right back down with it, and of course I offered to buy him lunch because I mean, if I'm buying it for myself, how can I not offer to do the same for him when I clearly have the ability to do so? That's not love. So of course I did. I asked if there was anything in particular he liked and he said chicken salad which I wasn't sure they had but I told him I'd try, so I go in there and it's a chipotle style line thing with different combinations you can customize and have everything as a wrap or a salad, and they had other things too. They didn't really have anything close to chicken salad, so I figured a warm meal could probably do him good (despite it being the 3rd day of May, the air still had quite a chill in it today) so I got him a barbocoa chicken market plate which came with chicken and veggies and looked good. I think what I got was called the healthy turkey club or something like that, but it's just romaine lettuce, turkey in cube form, white cheddar, and egg whites all chopped up in a wrap, and then I get the ranch on the side because I can't have too much salad dressing so I need to be able to control it (but it then makes it difficult to dip without pieces of it falling into the dressing, but I digress). So I run outside, give Anthony his food which he seemed quite excited about, then ran back over to school, stashed my food, and grabbed his present and ran back out to give it to him and man, the smile that lit up his face when he saw what it was and he just said "how did you know I needed one of these?" Of course I didn't know, but somehow it was the thing I ended up buying for him (say what you will about coincidences, but I would refer to that as a small "God moment"). And man, he was just so happy and it made my heart so happy to see that. So I hugged him and said that while this was my last day down at school I'll try to be around and if I am I'll come by and say hello. I just find my interactions with my homeless friends to be so incredibly rewarding. They've taught me much more about strength, perseverance, and hope than I could ever give to them in food, change, or any other material possession. I feel so blessed to have known them. So that whole interaction, coupled with Dan's from earlier made me happy. I did have to go back and study though, so we hugged goodbye and I headed back across the street, where we did more studying/explaining/bitching/probably some other stuff in there somewhere lol. Different people from our class kind of ended up walking in and out at different times so it ended up being interesting to see who showed up. As the day went on I made a 7-11 run with one of my friends for sugar and caffeine, deciding on an iced tea with a decent caffeine rate, pretzel m&ms, and "bright side" skittles which are pretty good, and that managed to be a pretty solid pre-test dinner lol. When we got back we mostly quizzed each other on different things and laughed, then at 5:30 we headed up to the classroom as the exam started at 6. So we get up there, I put my stuff down, and run to the bathroom and...oh crap, I'm bleeding. Of all the shitty timing. I don't think I ever mentioned this here just because it didn't really occur to me, but a few weeks ago I started bleeding a bit, not heavy, while still taking my birth control regularly. I figured it was gonna happen at some point since I've been taking my bc packs back to back without the placebo pills (because if you know you're not pregnant you really don't need them) but even when I've taken the placebo pills for a number of days I haven't gotten anything, so it's been like a year......so this was shitty timing lol but at least I didn't have any accompanying cramps, that would've been the real issue. Guess I'll survive. Back to the classroom and we get started, new exam software that everyone's wary about because that shit is always looking to screw toy over, I swear, so everyone's always very careful with it. But we managed. The test was 15 multiple choice, which we did on a scantron, then had 3 essay questions which we could type on the computer. The multiple choice Q's were 1/3 of the grade, the first essay was 1/3, and then the second and third essays were 1/6 each. Alright, not bad. Multiple choice first, not bad. There were maybe one or two I had a legit debate between two answers, but overall I felt like I did pretty good with them so that satisfied me. The first essay, the long one, I immediately recognize the fact pattern as a note that we had read in the casebook (cuz our professor was obsessed with the notes) and she legit took it word for word because I remember reading it and what it had said because it was a really horrific crime (that I'll spare you the details of recounting). But the ultimate question was two ineffective assistance of counsel claims, one for the guilt phase and one for the sentencing phase since it was a capital case. I'm pretty dang familiar with all of that even before I got to law school or this class thanks to two little podcasts called serial and undisclosed that have covered the subjects fairly thoroughly, so I felt pretty good about that. I was debating if I should assess the two slightly different claims from the sentencing one separately or just combine them, but they were really getting at the same point so I just combined them so I guess we'll see. The second was a Brady violation one, which was pretty easy, and it was just a good faith/bad faith comparison because it was that and a destruction of evidence claim and for that you need bad faith and for Brady it doesn't matter if it was good faith or bad faith. Finally the last one was a client perjury one that we'd sort of gone over during the semester, just basically what do you do if you think your client is going to perjure themselves, all the avenues you can possibly (and ethically) take if they insist on testifying, so that was pretty straightforward. And yeah, that was it and I was done. Not bad at all. It's weird because I feel like I did like, a fair job on the test that wouldn't necessarily lead to a top grade on a curve, but past experience has taught me I generally underestimate my test taking skills, especially when it comes to writing, so I'm telling myself I'll probably get a good grade. So I think all my classes this semester are at least potential A's or A-'s, and I will be perfectly happy if that's what happen (but probably a little happier if it leans more heavily on the A's, like last semester). Headed home, stopped for ice cream that was actually the peach Melba frozen yogurt I got the other day that was really good because I deserve it dammit, then went home and did eat some actually food haha and figured I needed to keep up with Arrow if I want to watch the end of the season episode with Katrina and Katie in them *sigh* but I don't have to be happy about it. It was fine I suppose, I'm not really on the Olicity train anymore because all the crazies had me jumping off pretty quickly so I was kind of meh on that part, like I'm not actively against it but I just don't want it to like, take over the plot. I did like the rest of the team working together to get them out though, and how Johnny and Lyla came to an agreement about her working at ARGUS and them trusting each other (and I did appreciate Oliver and Felicity coming to the same agreement as well). The final rescue scene was pretty cool, and I have to say, I'm sure even with supports in place Stephen pulling Emily up sheerly by his arm strength was pretty fucking epic and had to have taken a LOT of strength, so kudos to him on training. And yeah, decent episode, I just want to see Katie and Katrina already *sigh*. After that I switched over to friends cuz that was on and did my PT exercises during it which I'm also trying to treat as ab exercises to some extent without over-extending myself, because I am so very good at doing that. And yeah, that was my day. Pretty busy one, but good and mostly enjoyable, and I'm so glad I'm finally done with everything because this year just felt like it dragged on forever and I'm ready to actually have some free time to relax in my evenings and such. I do have a semi-active day tomorrow though, I have to go back to the doctor who ended up treating me for the latest coughing episode that I no longer have a real diagnosis for, for a follow up, and I have to say, I was quite skeptical at first but I haven't really coughed in quite a few days now and I'm actually really damn impressed lol because that's actually super effective so I'm definitely pleased with that. Then I have PT at 4:30 and our small group final dinner at 7:30. I was sad though, the guy from our small group who I may have been developing a small crush on emailed today saying he actually wouldn't be able to make it, which sucks because he actually works at the nice restaurant we're going to and I was planning on being like "oh I'm gonna sit next to you so I can pick your brain on menu items because of my dietary restrictions" or something like that haha and then end up talking to him, so that sucks. He did however friend me on Facebook, so I'm concocting a Facebook message to send to him tomorrow being like "hey, I was so sad to see you couldn't make it, I was gonna use you to make sure I ordered something good 😂" or something half-serious like that and then probably follow up with "and omg did you see the marvel defenders trailer??? Im SO pumped" because we've had previous conversations about the marvel Netflix shows. So I guess we'll see where that goes, lol. Okay this is WAY to long and I need to shut up and go to bed now, lol. I hope your day was lovely as well. Goodnight friends. Best of wishes to you and yours.