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hellomynameisbisexual · 4 years

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“QUEER”

First of all, let’s clear up a common misconception. Queer does not just mean gay. It’s an umbrella term for an identity which deviates from society’s perceived norm: heterosexual, or straight. Queer can refer to sexualities — gay, bisexual, pansexual, — or it can refer to being gender-queer; i.e, any label that deviates from the perceived gender norm: the binaries, male and female.

“Queer” is a reclaimed slur.

If you do not fall under the umbrella of queerness, it is safe to assume that you cannot use it. At all.

I am bisexual.

This means I experience attraction to plural genders. Pansexual also works fine. For the difference between bisexual and pansexual — see here:

Being bisexual isn’t easy. I went through similar hardships to gay women: I experienced attraction to women and was scared of what this meant for me, in such an oppressively homophobic society.

I am not saying being bisexual is harder than being gay, nor the inverse. But my experiences are distinctly bisexual, not gay.

Without further ado, here are the 3 things I’ve found to be the hardest about being queer, but not gay (enough).

#1: Finding My Place

Or, not being queer enough

I always knew I wasn’t straight, but I didn’t know what I was. Up until recently, I was still questioning. This didn’t feel enough to join groups or conversations with LGBT+ folk, let alone go to pride. Was I even LGBT if I was never L, G, B, or T?

I am still yet to attend a pride, even though I identify (fairly confidently) as bisexual. I am in a relationship with a man. This is (problematically) known as a “straight-passing relationship” and makes me feel even more undeserving of a place at pride.

This has been upsetting to me at times. But for others, it can be outright devastating. Growing up and needing support, but feeling like you’re ‘not gay enough’ to ask for it? So many young people are being left alone and afraid. Finding others like you is vital to figuring out who you are. Likewise, finding spaces which are safe and inclusive is vital for anyone, regardless of their sexuality or gender identity. A friend of mine happens to be a transgender man, and he summed up the issue perfectly:

“One thing that I keep noticing is how all hangout spots are “gay bars”, or (far less common) “lesbian bars”. I’m a straight man, so I don’t feel like I’m supposed to be there, but hanging out at regular bars is still too much of a gamble, so I don’t really have anywhere to go.”

It goes without saying that gay folk aren’t always safe in these spaces, as seen by the homophobic attack on the Pulse nightclub in Orlando, in 2016. Bigotry hurts the entire LGBT+ community. Bigotry doesn’t stop to ask whether you identify as gay or otherwise queer before it pulls the trigger.

But the LGBT+ community itself is much more welcoming to those who “pick a side” and just come out as gay, already. The infighting is inexplicable when one looks to attacks such as that in Orlando: bigots don’t care which letter you are in the acronym. So why does gatekeeping exist when we need to be strong in the face of intolerance when fragmentation only makes us weaker? Who are we helping by continuing to exclude identities from the discussion?

#2: Myths and Misconceptions

Well, it stands to reason that if bisexuals are what they seem in TV and movies, why would anyone want to make them feel included? They’re “greedy” and inauthentic. They’re attention-seeking, not to mention their propensity for threesomes. Now, I haven’t been in a wild orgy yet, but it seems like it will only be a matter of time before I follow my natural path.

Straight men, in particular, need to own up to their assumption that bisexual women are down for a threesome. The thing is, we are. But not with you, you big ASSUMER.

Infidelity

All jokes aside, the stereotyping of bisexuals is not only hurtful, but leads to difficulties finding and maintaining relationships.

As I came to terms with my bisexuality, I also had to accept that I might never be fully trusted by my partner, regardless of their gender or sexuality. I was shocked when my partner reacted to my coming out with the equivalent of a shrug — so much so, that I burst into tears of gratitude that my soul-bearing moment hadn’t been met with slut-shaming or assumptions of disloyalty. Nothing has changed. If anything, our bond is even stronger for me having been more authentic after coming out.

But cruelty came from elsewhere: when I came out, I was told that my partner was to be pitied, either because I’m gay and in denial, or bound to cheat on him. The main consequence of such attitudes has been the crippling fear of coming out to my partner. It saddens me that I felt so relieved when he accepted me for being who I am, and loving him just the same as I always have.

This outcome is not the case for many couples, with straight folk worried that their bisexual partner will realise they’re gay and just leave them. This fear of abandonment comes from a place of ignorance. When the media presents bisexuality as a steppingstone on the way to “picking a team”, it’s no wonder that people struggle to trust their queer partners.

Other Queer Myths

The myth that all trans folk medically transition invalidates those who choose not to do so, and let’s not forget the ignorant jeers that it's all just a mental illness. Asexual folk battle the stereotype that they can never have a relationship and shall forever remain a virgin (because what an awful thing that would be, right?) And pansexuals… well, at the lighter end, they’re asked if they have sex with cooking utensils. But often, they’re erased as irrelevant because “we already have the label bisexual”.

This brings us onto the third and final difficulty that comes with queer folk who aren’t easily categorizable as gay: erasure.

#3: Erasure

Erasure refers to the denial of an identity’s existence or its validity as a label.

Non-binary folk face ongoing and loud claims that they simply do not exist. This is despite the historical and scientific evidence to the contrary. Plus, the most important evidence — them, existing. Asexual folk are told they simply have not found the right person yet, or that they are just afraid of sex. Demi-sexual folk are told “everyone feels like that, unless they’re just sleeping around!”. And bisexuals are dismissed as simply being in denial that they’re gay.

Monosexuality & The Gender Binary

Our culture is so built on monosexuality (being solely attracted to one gender — for instance, gay or straight). Monosexuality is reinforced through everything from marriage to dating apps, the media to what we teach in schools. People cannot fathom that someone might want to experience more than one gender in their lifetime.

The binary models of sex and gender are also deeply ingrained. These rigid belief systems combined are to blame for our inability to accept that bisexuals do not need to “pick a side”. I was paralysed by fear for 17 years because I found girls attractive and that might mean I’m gay, because bisexuals are just gays who haven’t realised they’re gay yet.

Bierasure

Bierasure is dangerous, firstly because it leads a child to have to internalise both biphobia and homophobia. For instance, I had to work through being taught to hate gayness, whilst being taught that any attraction to non-male genders made me gay.

Women were cute, and so I was gay, and this meant I was disgusting.

My own mother told me this. She also told me that something has “gone wrong in the womb” for a child to be gay. (Well, Mum, I’ve got some bad news about your womb!)And she, like any bigot, extended this theory to anyone who experiences same-sex attractions — anyone queer. This is another reason why bi-erasure is perilous. Whether you’re a gay, cis-male or a demi-bisexual, trans woman… if your parents will kick you out for being gay, they will likely kick you out for being any sort of queer.

If we deny the bigotry that bisexuals undergo, we will continue to suffer. It won’t just go away. It will fester, with bisexuals having no one they can go to who believes them. And thus:

Erasure Kills

Bullying and suicide rates of queer-but-not-gay people continue to sky-rocket. We must direct funding, support and compassion to every queer individual, as they are all vulnerable to discrimination and bullying. The problem is being left to fester. This is in part because bigots treat all queer labels as just ‘gay’, deeming them equally unworthy. This is how far erasure can go.

Conclusion

Earlier on, I stated that my experiences are distinctly bisexual. The same applies to any queer identity.

Emphasising our differing paths and struggles is important to avoid the aforementioned erasure of already less visible groups. But this does not mean that the LGBT+ community should be fragmented by these differences.

If we can unite in our hope to live authentically and love freely, we will be stronger against bigotry. We are fighting enough intolerance from without: there is no need to create more from within.

So out of everything, what’s the hardest part about being bisexual?

It’s the fact that nobody knows it’s this hard.

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femboty2k · 3 years

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Long post about something I think about a lot and that doesn’t matter to anyone else but me probably

I’m sure there’s a million posts out there on why good representation is important and good but I just wanted to talk shortly about something that happened to me in a recent span of a few months involving a character in a dumb game about collecting jpegs of anime women and hunky dudes with giant swords.

There’s a game called Granblue Fantasy, its an extremely popular gacha game/JRPG with a very large roster of characters and a lot of stuff to do as far as reading through character lore, fighting JRPG battles, raids, and basically playing VNs for character dialogue. It’s a pretty good game, and one of the coolest things about it, is it has (to my knowledge, I dont play/keep up with it very often) 2 canon trans characters. One is named Cagliostro, an alchemist who was born as a man but through extensive experimentation and some self discovery has since transitioned into a woman, hell bent on making herself as cute as possible. Fun right? She’s presented extremely well and is one of the game’s more fun characters. The second character is one that has become a personal favourite for me for many reasons, her name is Ladiva.

Ladiva is a part of a race of people called the Draph. The Draph are a humanoid, and pretty much human looking, race of people with their defining features being their large stature and bovine like horns and ears. This is important because male draph are usually much larger and more muscular than female draph (but its a horny anime game so who can say they’re surprised lol). Ladiva, as my discussion here makes obvious, is a trans woman belonging to these folk. Because of this, she’s both quite large, muscular(and more masculine presenting on the surface), and has rugged looking facial hair. The surprising thing about her presentation in comparison to how she looks, is that she’s presented incredibly well. despite her appearance being not as feminine as it could be (with Cagliostro even offering to make her a new totally feminine body only to have Ladiva refuse, stating that she should love her own body along with the rest of herself) she’s treated as what she is, a woman.

So why am I talking about this? Why am I putting my poorly put together thoughts on this tumblr post no one will read? Well, I am trans. I have felt a certain way about myself all my life that I’m sure most trans people can echoe so I won’t wast time waxing poetic about how I’ve always felt more feminine than I was “supposed” to be. My core purpose of this post comes from the fact that I am 6′2, nearly 300lbs of muscle/fat/body hair, and have had a full beard since I was 14. I am EXCEEDINGLY masculine, which has made my own internal struggle with my transness sort of difficult to accept. A sort of constant push and pull of wanting to just repress it all because I already pass as a man and wanting to work towards being who I know I actually am. Another factor is that I never felt truly comfortable with purely feminine pronouns. In highschool I went by a different name, and I used she/her pronouns and for a while it felt okay. But it was always just, okay. It never felt right on top of several people giving me some rather hurtful backlash for it and how it contrasted so much with my physical appearance. So I stowed it all away until about a year ago. I now have something that I didn’t have before, a truly wonderful and supportive group of adult friends who treat me like an adult as well and take me seriously. So through careful examination of how I felt i began trying new things to explore my identity. It began with me deciding I wanted to use they/them pronouns, this stuck and still feels like its the right thing for me along with the label of Nonbinary. However, slotting myself into this new label and finally feeling comfortable in an identity brought about new thoughts as well as new things to mull over in my head. Things like the fact that most nonbinary representation in media falls under the same category of a waifish AFAB person who presemts femininely if not androgynous, and how people like me are a vocal minority within the community itself even being excluded by a small portion of it. It was a new set of things to tackle and think about. But that aside, with them came the most important thing I asked myself, “am I comfortable with how I am now? Or do those thoughts I had all those years ago mean something?”

This question isnt easy. Gender is a strange subject and is different to everyone who experiences something with their identity, so I wont pretend like I have any definitive answers for anything because, there arent really any of those. The question for myself, boiled down to “Am I more comfortable identifying as transfeminine, or am I comfortable with just being nonbinary.” This question vexed me for a little while. It hurt to think about. A lifetime of bullying and being made to be ashamed of my body type and stature had made my confidence in myself rather lackluster. This made the decision more difficult. It would be easy to try and own a sense of pride in being a masculine presenting nonbinary person. There aren’t many of those in representation as I mentioned before, and at the time it made me feel nice to think that it was what I wanted. But those thoughts I had all those years ago did mean something, and thats not who I am. The answer I ultimately came to, was that I am trans, and want to present more feminine than masculine, because that’s who I know I am, and not just what I think would be easiest. So, to bring it all together, how the everloving fuck does this relate to a character from a gacha game? Well, when i first saw Ladiva I nearly wrote her off as a character that probably was used as a disrespectful joke on trans women and how they’re viewed. She’s not though. She has an entire montra of loving herself and others for who they are and owning every aspect of herself, including her body. She’s not a small lady, she’s a large/muscular wrestler who, in no mistake of words, still looks very masculine, right down to her facial hair. But none of that matters, not her appearance, not her beard, not her height, she’s still a woman and she’s seen as one by the others around her because, well, that’s what she is. She makes it known and others accept, or at the very least, respect it. It was something entirely new to see something like this in a form of popular media, and in turn it gave me an odd sense of self confidence in my own current appearance, even though I do intend on changing it through HRT and other means (exercise and other health related means). It meant a lot to me to see someone who was, in at least some way, like me who was loved by the community of the game she was in. And it still does. In conclusion, Ladiva is a very cool character, and her existing gave me a boost of confidence that helped lead me towards accepting things about myself that I had found it hard to previously. Go look into Granblue if you like games like that, there’s even a fighting game that came out not too long ago. Thanks for reading, if you did, this whole post is long and kind of dumb because I’m kind of dumb. But I wanted to put it somewhere. Have a nice day <3

#rambling #long post #ladiva #granblue fantasy #thanks granblue #kinda dumb just ignore me lol #im just talkin to myself #trans #guess ill throw that tag on there #shrug #nonbinary #gender stuff

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elsewhereuniversity · 5 years

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Trans-form

You are ten when you encounter the fae. Coincidentally (you do not realize until later that they found you BECAUSE of this realization) this is also the day when you understand that you are a girl. The idea had been flitting through the background of your mind for awhile now, but you had thought that the vague wrong-ness that you felt when called a boy was just normal. But then you voiced this idea to one of your friends and she gave you a funny look and said that that wasn’t how God did things, which confuses you, since she’s Christian, and you’re Jewish so your Gods are different, right? She had run off to play with other girls after that, leaving you to wander the patchy grass at the edge of the playground.

It’s spring, so you’re looking for the click beetles that sometimes come out this time of year, when you hear someone clearing their throat. When you look up, a tall, lithe teenager is standing in front of you. They are framed by the distant Hill and buildings of the university, somehow still wreathed in mist this late in the day. You freeze.

“Hey, kid,” the figure says, and grins widely. That’s when you notice that they are not human, because no human has ears so long and pointy, or so many needle-sharp teeth, “Don’t you know it’s dangerous to wander alone?”

You shrug, but your mouth is dry. You think you know who, or what, this person is, and it seems best to proceed with extreme caution.

The figure nods, as though they understand precisely what is going through your head, “Good move, kid. But here’s another question: what if you could be a girl, and everyone knew it right away? What would you give, for that?”

You forget yourself momentarily, “How do you know? How would I–?”

The sharp-toothed grin widens, “Ah, no, no, no. Think on it, kid. I’ll be back.”

****

They do come back, three years later. By this time, the vague feelings have turned into an unceasing assault on your being. I’m a girl I’m a girl I’m A GIRL I’M A GIRL I’MAGIRL. Your girl friends started drifting away from you, excluding you from what they call “girl talk”. You aren’t even aware of it, but your body language has become more like theirs’ and the bullies notice. They notice that you don’t try and fit in with the boys and that you flinch easily. You retreat inside yourself. You hide the feelings from everyone, your family included. The one time you try and broach the subject with you parents, you end up saying you like wearing boots and could you go to the thrift store to find a pair? Your mom asks if there’s anything else you want to talk about, but…no. You can’t. You can’t even do it to ensure you’ll have a bat mitzvah instead of a bar mitzvah.

So you’re reduced to sneaking to the thrift store in a hoodie, trying to be as unobtrusive as possible. You drift towards the girls’ clothing, looking longingly at boots and skirts and jeans, and you quite nearly run into them. They could have stepped directly from your elementary school playground into this dimly lit thrift store, they’ve changed so little. You glare at them, and their grin is just as sharp and full of danger as it was before.

“So, kiddo, you thought about my question at all?” Their voice is silky smooth.

“Maybe,” you grunt, avoiding eye contact, “Stop calling me ‘kiddo.’”

“Oh? Would you prefer Dav–?”

“NO!” You hiss loudly.

“Well alrighty, then,” they smirk, “So what’s it gonna be? What are you willing to give up for me to make you a real girl?”

That stumps you. You are a real girl already, right?

“Why do you even care about this? Why does gender even matter to, uh, the Fair Folk?” you mutter, pretending to be looking at the dress pants.

“Why, it matters to all of us! I know it would cut me to the quick if anyone were to call me anything other than the spritely man that I am!” he says, waving a hand.

“Then why put a price on it for me?” you challenge, hating how your voice breaks. It’s getting worse every day, and you can feel the hair on your face getting stiffer already…You touch your iron Magen David, tracing the points of the star absently, and you notice that he steps gingerly away. You had heard that there might be people who could help at Elsewhere. Mysterious methods by which your dreams can be achieved, for a cost. Maybe that is what he means?

“Ahhhhhh,” he smiles, almost sadly, “Nothing exists in a vacuum, no? The question really is: what is your identity worth to you?”

You clam up, more unsure than ever. You want to be a girl with every fiber of your being, but what does that actually mean?

“Perhaps you need some more time…don’t wait too long, now, tick-tock, tick-tock…”

He vanishes in a flash of teeth.

****

You think about his deal every single night. The changes that had started making you uncomfortable at thirteen are roaring at full throttle now, consuming your thoughts, making you want to slip out of this inhospitable skin and dissolve into nothingness. Every “sir” and “man” and “he” makes you want to curl up and cry, but you can’t cry, not anywhere, not even alone because if your parents hear, they’ll know something is wrong and you CAN’T tell them, not now, maybe not ever, it’s too much, it’s too much–

You’re sitting on the steps at the back of the high school, picking at a bag of grapes, reading a book about people like you who are, you think, far braver than you will ever be. A light rasping of flesh against concrete signals to you that someone is there.

“I’ve thought a lot about what you said,” your voice is small, trying to hide how low your voice has gotten, “I want it, more than anything else I have ever wanted. But I don’t understand what it is you’re going to take from me.”

He sits next to you, plucks a grape from the bag, and pops it into his mouth, “It’s whatever you want it to be. Is your girlhood worth this grape, for example?” He picks up another and squeezes it.

You stare. Of course who I am is more important than that, right?

“I’m–will you change me for a grape?” The question sounds stupid the moment you voice it.

His laugh is like ice cracking, “If you have to ask, then you know the answer, I think. What about this book?” He gestures at the novel in your lap, “Your violin, perhaps? Or, oh, I know, how about your sister? Your grades? What little sense of innocence you have left? Or maybe your conception of who you are!” His voice gets louder and louder, distorting, filling the stairwell, wrapping itself around you as you curl into a ball, tears forcing their way out of your eyes despite your best efforts.

“Just give me who you are,” he suddenly whispers, “And I can change everything, exactly as you want it. Make you normal.”

You don’t uncurl. Suddenly everything is clicking into place. Your hands tighten on your knees.

“Who I am is a girl. A regular girl,” you whisper. There’s a hiss from above.

“Really? That doesn’t seem to be what everyone else says, does it?” His voice sounds smug.

“I’m a girl. I love birds, and magic, and getting my hands dirty, and being in the woods, and reading,” your voice is getting stronger now.

“And who will ever believe that?” He snarls. You can feel him, looming close.

“I’m a girl, and you will never take that from me. You, or anyone else,” you say loudly and firmly and look straight into his flashing, cat-like eyes.

The smile that twists his face is terrifying. “Is that so? Would you like to bet on th–”

“I don’t think so,” you smile as you stand, feeling the tears drying on your cheeks, “Do you want to go for a walk?”

He stops mid-hiss, “What?”

“No? Shame, really. It’s just starting to get warm again. Ah, well, see you around, then.”

And you walk out the door and into the watery, wintery light.

****

You see him at prom, which, ironically, takes place at the University’s convention space. It’s almost 11, and you’ve slipped your heels off because damn if it isn’t hard to dance in them, especially with how frilly your dress is. You’ve sat down at one of the tables salted around the edge of dance floor while your girlfriend runs off to find sodas. As you’re massaging your feet, you see him. He is not grinning and seems somehow…diminished? Aged, even? You smile at him and wave. He bares his teeth. Your girlfriend returns.

“Got any more dance left in you, girl?” she asks, handing you a soda. You laugh and she kisses you.

“I might,” you say, taking a sip, and when you look back into the corner, he’s gone.

You never see him again.

#transroadwarrior #stories #long post #trans-form #dysphoria #submission

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imadethisblogfor1post · 4 years

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What is gender? Please send help

Content warning: ignorance about transgender issues, discussion of sexism, well-meaning-ally-who-doesn’t-quite-get-it-ism. Callouts welcome and encouraged.

I want to start by saying that despite my profound lack of understanding about what gender is, I don’t want to invalidate anyone. I want so badly to be a supportive ally to trans and nonbinary folks, and at first I did a lot of reading to try to understand, but no matter how much I read, I stayed confused. So eventually, I gave up. After all, I don’t have to have a deep understanding of an identity to know that people are deserving of respect. If calling someone a particular name or using a particular set of pronouns will help them know that I love and respect them, then of course, of course, I will do that. Nothing I am about to say changes that.

The only problem is, not understanding makes it really hard to call out bigotry, because I don’t always see it. This post was triggered by a recent transphobic tweetstorm by JK Rowling, and I think I get why most of those were bad, but with some I’m still more sympathetic than I’m comfortable with. This continues a trend I’ve seen for a while: some of the most helpful pieces of reading material have been posts from radical feminists that I found myself nodding along to, only to find that the point of the post my friend was sharing was the attached comment and call-out. These served as huge wake-up calls, but it still wasn’t enough to explain to me what I wasn’t getting. More than that, even after the call outs, even after knowing that some of the points of the original post were transphobic, I sometimes can’t help feeling that some part of it rang true. Therefore, my problems as an ally come in two parts. One, I deeply lack the understanding to call out bigotry in others and myself, and two, there are some real conflicts between the feminism I subscribe to and certain aspects of trans ideology (ideology is not a good word to use here, but I’m at a loss for what else to call it)(sorry).

I’ll start with the second— it’s the worse one anyhow. The crux of the problem is this: there are distinct consequences to being assigned female at birth. We are treated differently, we are socialized differently, and no matter how progressive your parents are, it’s impossible to completely escape. Put simply, cis women and trans women do not experience 100% the same types of oppression. This is not to say either experiences more or less pain, this is not to say either is more or less deserving of support, this is not to say that we as feminists should not strive to be intersectional (we should). All I am saying is that inclusion cannot come at the expense of erasing or silencing the experiences of people who were assigned female at birth.

I have a few specific concerns on this matter - these are the points that make me sympathetic to radical feminism (even when I see them called terfs, as ashamed as I am to admit it).

One, we need to be allowed to use words about female anatomy without being called terfs. It’s not okay to exclude people and imply that all women have uteri and all people with uteri are women, but it needs to be okay to talk about uteri.This one comes up less often, but when it does come up I find myself extremely indignant. I am sincerely sorry that talking about anatomy triggers dysphoria, but in a world where female anatomy is treated as inherently explicit, and people have been silenced in legislative settings simply for using those anatomical terms, we can’t afford to be silenced within our own communities.

Two, it’s not okay to shout people down for how they experience attraction. I really shouldn’t have to say this, but too often I’ve seen lesbians pressured or called transphobic for not being interested in being with someone with a penis. It’s not uncommon for lesbians to experience compulsory attraction to men before recognizing their sexuality. That, combined with the prevalence of sexual violence against women and people who are assigned female at birth, makes me extremely skeptical of anyone whose response to rejection is to attempt to shame them into changing their mind. Again, I’m sorry, and it sucks that it causes dysphoria, but no one is entitled to anyone else’s attraction. It is not okay to pressure anyone else into a relationship or sex, regardless of the circumstances. I myself am gray-ace and panromantic - suffice to say I don’t really get how being attracted to genitals works, but if that’s how it works for them, then that’s how it works for them. If we need different words for “hi I’m attracted to the gender of woman” and “hi I’m attracted to female anatomy” then so be it, but honestly people probably shouldn’t have to disclose that much information right out the gates, and both should be allowed to call themselves lesbians. There’s a balance to be struck here, but I’m sick of seeing lesbians alienated for this, and it needs to be addressed.

Three, there need to be spaces for people who were assigned female at birth, without people who were assigned male at birth (unless they are invited as a guest). As mentioned above, sexual and gender based violence against AFAB people is incredibly common. A lot of us have trauma around it. We need spaces where we can talk about those experiences without being shouted down, the same way trans people need spaces to talk about their experiences. This is a bit of a slippery slope - obviously there need to be intersectional spaces as well, and it’s not okay to exclude people, as long as everyone is being respectful. But it’s important to make space for all of us, and understand that our experiences are not uniformly the same.

I’m not sure why this has been such an issue. Some part of me that I hate to acknowledge suggests that part of the problem is that people who are assigned male at birth tend to be more entitled than people who are assigned female at birth, simply because that’s how they were taught and socialized when they were younger, but that brings up a whole slew of other issues, and I’d hate to paint with too broad a brush. Perhaps it’s just that the fight for inclusion needs to be fierce and thorough, and any space where one isn’t included is treated as an attack, even if that isn’t the intent. No matter the reason, we need to understand that we are not all the same, and that’s not a bad thing.

In a roundabout way, this brings me to my other barrier to being a good ally: I just don’t *get* gender. It’s not that I haven’t tried. As I mentioned early on in this post, when I first realized how much I didn’t understand about gender I did so much reading. I watched videos. I listened to podcasts. I went to a workshop (though truth be told the workshop did more harm than good). And what I got is this: it sounds like there’s a common experience, some strong internal certainty that composes gender identity, that says “I am a woman”, or “I am a man”, or “I am neither”, as the case may be. I have never felt this certainty. There is no emotion that tells me I am a woman, there is no internal compass, there is no sense of “no, that’s not right” when I imagine myself as a man, except a sense of unfamiliarity with the idea. As far as I’m concerned, I’m a woman because that’s what I’ve always been, and that’s how I’ve always been treated. It would be odd to use he/him pronouns for me because no one’s ever done that, and it would cause confusion, but that’s about the end of my issue with it.

This is, of course, directly in conflict with much of the narrative around gender these days. There must be something I’m missing, but I can never seem to pin down what gender actually *is* and every analogy and metaphor seems to confuse me even more.

Gender must not be biological sex, because trans people exist. Nonbinary people exist. Both are valid, and for all that I’m not a very good ally, I know that much.

Gender must not be personality traits, because, that’s personality. There are people on all areas of the gender spectrum with all types of personality traits. Don’t tell me that women can’t be brash, that men can’t be sweet.They are.

Gender must not be how you dress, because hey, we should all be able to dress however we want! How you dress doesn’t change your identity. (This part is gender expression though I think, if I’ve followed the articles correctly) Butch women exist, feminine men exist, androgynous people exist, all are valid.

Gender must not be gender roles, because honestly, fuck that. Gender roles are a tool of patriarchal oppression, and I’m not about to sit here and that be all there is to gender identity. If it helps you feel more at home in your skin then more power to ya, but that can’t be all there is.

So then, what is it? What is left? This isn’t a rhetorical question. I have genuinely tried to find answers to this and I have never been more lost. When I went to the trans allyship workshop mentioned above, I was told by the others at my table that to them being a woman was being nurturing, valuing family, being empathetic, being a caretaker. I was so relieved that we ran out of time before it was my turn. I don’t know what being a woman is to me, it’s just what I’ve always been. The only thing it has ever meant was shame about my body, shame about my period, enduring r*pe jokes and kitchen jokes from my guy friends, always having to be the one to “seduce the guard” when we played d&d, and other, darker things I don’t want to mention. It’s only ever been painful, and fearful, and ashamed. On the one hand, it means I’m inclined to believe trans women when they say that gender isn’t a choice— after all, who would choose this? But on the other, I know there must be more to this, something that I’m missing because my identity is too deeply rooted in oppression. I am ripping those roots out one by one, but they go deep, and I’m scared that without them I won’t have any point of reference left.

I want to understand gender, but even if I never do, I will always respect the identity and pronouns that people claim as their own. It is never my intent to dehumanize, or exclude. I want to be able to call out bigotry, I want to be able to stand up for my trans and nonbinary friends, I want to be sure that I don’t say something to them that causes them harm.

But at its core: I don’t get it. What is gender? What makes a gender what it is?

Again, this is non-rhetorical. If you have the time and energy, I welcome any information, any resources, any anecdotes, anything at all to help me understand. I’ve looked, hard, but I won’t pretend to have read anywhere near the full lexicon of literature on this subject. If I’ve said something that upset or angered you, please don’t hesitate to call me out. Yell at me, if that’s what this post inspires, and I’ll do my best to learn from it, or at the very least maybe it will serve as a wake-up call for someone else. Or, if you agree, I’d be grateful to know that too. It can get pretty lonely feeling like there’s some manual to gender that everyone else has that somehow I never got.

TL;DR: What is gender? I want to learn but I’m hella lost and struggling to be both a trans ally and a radical feminist, and I was so afraid of offending anyone that I literally made a blog just for this post, which is silly because I don’t even really use my main blog. I just know that if you’re looking for callouts, this is where you go.

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nerdy30trans-blog · 6 years

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Transgender Acceptance In Isaiah

Throughout Church history one thing has held true, those who were cast out by tribe, country, or religion were welcomed to Jesus.

However, in our modern religious landscape we see that the Church has reverted to a position of exclusionary practices. Within the last two years we have seen religious based laws on the rise - using “religious liberty” as a cover for discrimination, and additionally many Evangelicals wrote and signed a document called The Nashville Statement that seeks to forever bar the LGBT people from entry into their churches, from marriage, the sacraments and calls to ministry. Men such as Francis Chan, David Platt and John Piper were key in this new movement that has forced many other “Christians” to sign on or be scapegoated like Rob Bell a few years ago. Additionally the Southern Baptist Convention and their “ethics” leader Russell Moore has rejoiced at the removal of protection for transgender children by the Trump Administration. In an era where trans people are targeted and killed, refugees barred from entry, and white nationalism on the rise those so called “pastors” chose to sign and post a document to discriminate and hate an act that one would call anti-Christ.

For those of us in the LGBT and faith community these moves and acts continue to state unequivocally that we are not wanted, not affirmed, and in need of change. However, it is my argument, and many others that this is wrong, and inaccurate to the heart of Jesus’ life and mission, and also a false and inaccurate view of the Bible. To demonstrate the inclusion of LGBT people, and of transgender folks in particular I want to look at the last section of the Prophecy of Isaiah, the final ten chapters demonstrate a reformation of Jewish practice, and a call to inclusion that Jesus and the Church took to heart. The book of Deuteronomy is laden with zingers conservative love to burn transgender folks with. We have verses that say “anyone with crushed testicles can not enter the temple” and that “for a man to wear a woman’s garment is an abomination.” These verses originally came from a social goal of purifying Israel and not intermingling with the traditions and religions of other countries. Castration was a practice not employed by the people of Israel but was widely used in other tribes as a way to create eunuchs, and mark slaves, to exert control. Additionally the second verse was an indictment against hiding from male tasks, such as war. So within this community gender variance was not widespread because as a small nation the leaders were keen on keeping their population thriving and growing. But Israel continually denied to follow God in other ways, such as putting their own people into service, starting various wars with neighboring countries, oppressing and taxing the poor, and inter-tribal wars that split the nation. In the midst of these war both Assyrian and Babylon would come to conquer the people, and make many of them slaves in their capitol cities. Many faced a society they did not understand, and many of them were put into roles they did not want.

It is in this society, seventy years later (after living in Babylon) we come to the final push of Isaiah’s prophecies. Many Jewish people had become eunuchs, met eunuchs, married people outside the faith and saw their entire worldview change. In this God speaks. In Isaiah 56 God speaks

“3 Let no foreigner who is bound to the Lord say,

“The Lord will surely exclude me from his people.”

And let no eunuch complain,

“I am only a dry tree.”

4 For this is what the Lord says:“To the eunuchs who keep my Sabbaths,

who choose what pleases me and hold fast to my covenant— 5 to them I will give within my temple and its walls a memorial and a name better than sons and daughters; I will give them an everlasting name that will endure forever.”

So as we reach the end of the book, God has now pronounced both the eunuch and the foreigner are included in His Kingdom and in His salvation. Even though the Bible “clearly states” what these eunuchs did was an “abomination” God now says they are his people. The Jewish people create a social code that does not occupy the heart of God.

The eunuchs Austen Hartke reminds us served a very trans and non-binary role writing in his book “transforming: The Bible & The Lives of Transgender Christians” on page 94 that “They lived in limbo between genders” a eunuch could serve as an adviser to the King and also do the makeup and care for the Harem. Many eunuchs in these societies would also come to embrace this trans role, and in the book of Esther, Esther is saved and guided by a eunuch doing the very things God calls for. Now for the first time in the Bible we see God changing the minds of his people (God speaks his heart, and the people must change). These people were to be included. Perhaps those very people that seek to exclude us should go back to these verses. Maybe instead of defending inaccurate theology they should return to the Talmud, and Mishnah and see by this time rabbi’s were recognizing six different genders in their community all loved by YHWH.

But the book of Isaiah continued with more of this call for inclusion. In Isaiah 58 God goes on to say

“If you do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing finger and malicious talk, 10 and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday.

Who was oppressed, who was pointed at, and sneered about? Were they not those who did not fit the gender norm, these eunuchs they encountered, were they not the poor, and trampled that the people of Yahweh had turned their back on? Again the word for the church is to cease with these exclusionary practices, or you will find yourself once again in the throes of God’s judgement.

Most boldly God goes on to say these people are now His because they found him without the aid of his people. The first call of Israel was to be a city on the hill, they failed, instead of welcoming the world, they excluded it. So God says

The Lord looked and was displeased that there was no justice. He saw that there was no one, he was appalled that there was no one to intervene; so his own arm achieved salvation for him, and his own righteousness sustained him.

“I revealed myself to those who did not ask for me; I was found by those who did not seek me. To a nation that did not call on my name, I said, ‘Here am I, here am I.’

As we get to the close of this book we see that God saw people were not doing what he called, so he would act, and he revealed himself to the “outsider” these are not his people, and he says I am here for you.

So to close hundreds of years before Jesus walked the Earth God was calling the transgender person. And when Jesus walked the earth he said one thing about eunuchs, welcoming them to the Kingdom in Matthew 19. For a group so maligned as “wrong” and “broken” today, Jesus affirms the eunuchs and does not have to heal one of them, he never calls them vipers, or whitewashed tombs. He uses those words for those who buy and sell righteousness, run the Temple, and trample the marginalized, the “pastors” and “religious leaders.”Lastly by the time of the Church, Philip is baptizing a transgender person who was turned away still at the Temple with no further proclamation. God has been welcoming us for centuries.

As transgender and LGBT Christians we are here. We will fight and argue for justice, because God has and continues to reveal himself to us.

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dirtymotherproductions · 6 years

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The Red Tent is Not For Sale

Albeit you can buy one and set it up in your back yard, but what I mean to say is no one can sell you empowerment. That sisters, comes from within. My intention is not to call out anyone else for their practices; everyone has a right to do as they feel in this world. What is most important for me to convey here, to all womyn considering starting a Red Tent, raising their own power or the collective power of divine feminine, that they do not need ever pay for enlightenment or certification to do so. There are two simple things I tell womyn they need to do to run a Red Tent. 1) Gather the womyn. 2) Honor the womyn. And hanging some sensual red fabric around the room never hurts.

Over five years ago I set-up my first Red Tent, it was not in the tradition of any collective, as I did not know at the time any other womyn were doing the same. I had finally decided to manifest a lifelong dream, to create space for womyn to empower with their sexuality. I took the dream on the road and set-up my tent at Pagan festivals and womyn’s gatherings. The mission; teach workshops about sexuality and reproductive health, sell toys and books and hold space womyn could gather in. I was planning to call this space, The Cat House, And then I read, The Red Tent. This shifted the paradigm for me, I was exploring sacred sexuality, I understood empowering with the divine feminine and I had held space for womyn before…but I had not truly embraced the power of my moon times and that book sent me down a path that showed me how. In a fit of manic creative madness, my inner voice said, call your space “The Red Tent.” And so it came to be. I bought some red tarps and that spring raised my Red Tent around the Mid-Atlantic region.

After a few years, I met someone who drew my attention to the Red Tent phenomena. Before that discussion I was completely unaware that there were other womyn holding Red Tents all over the country and in other parts of the world. So when I got home, I immediately googled to see what these other womyn were doing. I was amazed and filled with euphoric bliss. A big YES! filled my heart. In my spirituality it has always been the collective consciousness moments that reaffirm my life goals, it is truly my way of knowing I am on the path and to keep moving forward, that there is a Goddess, she lives within. She calls us to awaken. She is the collective mind and shall re-emerge when we light up our hearts aligned to each other. We have power and we can make change in the world as womyn with it. A big resounding YES! I was so very honored to have naturally found myself within this movement.

Shortly after this discovery, with my own struggles of self-worth, I started to ponder and compare what I was doing with what other womyn holding “Red Tents” had figured out. My space was slightly different in a few ways; I did not hold space monthly in a house, I travelled around, I set up an actual Red Tent, I emphasized womyn’s sexuality and I sold product out of my tent. I contemplated many thoughts; was selling product in the tent somehow sacrilegious? Was my inclusivity of trans folks and men to my space, besides “womyn only events” somehow less sacred? Had I excluded the maidens who needed sacred space too by focusing on womyn’s sexuality? I decided that I should trust my instincts and not judge myself so hard. Everything I did was for womyn’s empowerment and that the divine feminine was and is always held at the core of my work. I also reaffirmed that sacred sexuality is very important and necessary to the Red Tent collective and womyn’s empowerment. I decided to reach out to some of the other womyn that were emerging as leaders of The Red Tent collective. This is when I learned that there are women charging large fees to grant Priestess empowerment or certification to run a Red Tent through their programs. I started to feel the privilege of how this movement was being steered by these few leaders in the community and how that was harmful to the collective of womyn that would be made to think they needed to pay someone in order to run a womyn’s space or even feel powerful enough to do so, a sour feeling gripped my soul.

What monetary value can anyone place on their own power that wouldn’t undermine their ability to achieve it? The very fact that a womyn is made to believe that she has to pay for her power undermines what it is to truly be empowered. This creates a dynamic of power over instead of power from within and the very concept of The Red Tent becomes distorted. When women have to pay such large sums of money to feel sacred, does not that exclude the womyn that cannot afford the luxury of becoming empowered? So the questions I would ask womyn to consider before deciding if their monetary access to power is the right decision for them is this: How do those that would gain from your financial offerings make themselves accountable to the community? Do they give any services for free to under privileged womyn? Do they offer services and skills that they acquired through schooling as healers or counselors? Do they donate funds to any organizations that assist womyn in need? I also hope you hold me accountable for the very fact that I wrote this article as I try to achieve a yes to each question I pose for you. I do not take money for holding space, yet I do sell product in my tent and I spend a good amount of my time teaching and holding space in privileged environments, that many womyn cannot afford to attend, but I do balance that by offering womyn’s space outside of festivals and always for free, I have never gained any money from setting up my space ever. We can all strive to help each other and support each other, and that has always been my greatest reward for holding womyn’s space, no financial gain could ever compare.

The Red Tent is not for sale, it is truly free and it does not even have to be called a Red Tent to be powerful and necessary. Sacred space for womyn is as easy as gathering your friends together to speak your truths, to support, respect and love each other, to listen to each other’s stories and laugh and cry. It can be anything you imagine or desire. So I encourage you to not wait around until you can afford to become empowered or certified, call your sisters together today and celebrate being womyn, it is good medicine.

#red tent #divine feminie #women #womens empowerment #pagan

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ebenpink · 5 years

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Redefining success in health and fitness coaching. How 7 coaches are rethinking their careers & how you can too. http://bit.ly/30roOVZ

“Success” in coaching used to mean a nice roster of ~30 in-person clients, full ownership of your practice, and a net profit that afforded you a vacation or two a year. These days, health and fitness coaches are ditching the cookie cutter definitions and building businesses their own way. Here are 7 inspiring coaches who are redefining success in health and fitness coaching and how you can too.

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“Making it” as a fitness and health coach used to be pretty straightforward.

“Success” meant having a steady stream of clients knocking on your door, and making enough money to easily pay the bills, live comfortably, and take your family on vacation from time to time.

But, lately, we’ve noticed that health and fitness coaches are getting more creative with their definition of “success”. They’re building their businesses to support specific personal and professional goals.

Everything from: building a practice that allows them to work from anywhere in the world (even amazing, exotic locations), to setting flexible work hours so they can hang out more with their children or pursue other hobbies and interests, to working with specific groups that are most meaningful to them because of past experiences or future aspirations.

It’s awesome to watch.

That’s why we decided to ask a few of our ProCoaches:

What does success look like for you? And how are you achieving it?

Their stories were so good — so inspiring — that I wanted to share them with you today. They might even help you re-define what success means for you.

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Success is… living life on your own terms.

Daniel Hennessey is living the dream.

Thailand, Costa Rica, California… Dan travels around the world with his business partner and fiancé, Wendy, while coaching fitness and nutrition online (and creating an enviable Instagram while he’s at it).

Dan used to live his life on the gym floor (or sitting in traffic on the long commute to work.) But after years as a trainer and gym owner, he finally said to himself, “what am I doing?”

The truth is, life in the gym just wasn’t for him. He wanted to be in the outdoors. To travel. To seek out new perspectives on life, and new ways of being healthy.

Most of all, “I wanted to do things my own way.”

Dan took the plunge. He sold his possessions and embraced the minimalist life, traveling with just a backpack. Meanwhile, he established a new business for himself as an online coach.

Now, at 30, Dan focuses on people who he feels are better served by online, rather than in-person coaching — such as busy moms, or people who feel intimidated by the mere thought of setting foot in a gym.

“With online coaching, a lot more people can have access to this thing called health, and I can coach you while sitting at home.”

How he does it: Dan uses Procoach to deliver online nutrition coaching. At the higher-end, his services are priced at $200/month; at the lower-end, he offers a “90 day for 90 dollars” program that helps people get started.

Dan’s advice: “All that really matters is this: What do you want to do, and why? What gives you joy and purpose? Whatever it is, go after it. There’s more to life than living scared.”

Success is… making coaching accessible and inclusive.

Ten years ago, Jon Mills walked into a martial arts studio where he was introduced to a simple mantra: “Anyone who is willing to put in the work is welcome here.”

Unfortunately, he began to notice this approach didn’t seem to apply across the board in health, fitness, or martial arts. Many people were being excluded, especially those from low-income backgrounds. And some, such as LGBTQ folks, found that gyms and studios could be downright hostile.

Today, Jon, 30, offers personal training, martial arts, and mindfulness coaching, and he provides online nutrition coaching through Procoach.

His mission: Make coaching welcoming for anyone.

Jon focuses on providing an inclusive, safe coaching experience for everyone, especially queer and trans clients. And he invites folks with lower incomes to pay what they can — or even train for free.

It might sound crazy, but for Jon, it works.

“The funny thing is, not only am I helping others, it’s working as a business. I’ve learned that people will give what they can, when they can. And they’ll definitely refer you. Plus, because of how I work, I have no competition. My referrals come from the community.”

Jon’s approach is people-focused. “I don’t worry about getting money, and I just concentrate on helping folks,” says Jon. “I’ve come to realize that this isn’t just an ideal, but something that can be fulfilling and sustainable.”

How he does it: Jon uses Patreon, an online donation service, to collect donations. Clients who can afford to pay do so, and if they wish, add donations to pay for those who can’t afford it. Jon offers his nutrition coaching services through Procoach to both in-person and exclusively online clients.

Jon’s words of advice: “There’s a lot of stuff in the fitness industry that will tell you to fit a mold. But being yourself is the key to being a great coach, because that’s how people will connect with you. You have to embrace who you are.”

Success is… turning your job into your dream career.

As a Registered Dietician working in a clinic alongside doctors in Kitchener, Ontario, Irene Pace had started to notice something important: Certain clients don’t seem to get the results they want through the health system’s traditional model of nutrition care.

“Whether it was the psychology of my coaching or the system itself, I just couldn’t provide what they needed. I remember one client in particular who I worked with over a couple of years. Despite my best efforts, her health declined, and her weight went up. I failed to help her.”

Irene thought to herself, “I have to do better.”

So recently, at 40, Irene decided to do a deep dive into the art of nutrition coaching. She got her PN Level 1 Certification, and in time, became an assistant coach at PN. And she’s continued to strengthen her skills with the Level 2 Certification.

Now, Irene has added ProCoach to her RD services — and is seeing the kinds of results she had always hoped to witness. Her clients are surpassing their ‘stuckness’ like they never did before.

“Using this platform, clients can communicate with me on an ongoing basis. They can reach out whenever they feel stuck instead of waiting weeks for an appointment… Having regular contact with clients throughout their change process instead of intermittent visits adds up to big change. It seems magical.”

Irene is feeling the reward of seeing her clients succeed. At the same time, she’s also able to prioritize her family and spend time with her three children.

The result: Irene is building a career that is both personally and professionally rewarding, in a way she never thought possible.

How she does it: Irene started using ProCoach with a ‘test group’ of friends and family paying $35/month. With the test round done, she launched another cohort paying $50/month. She’s now working on her plans for her next cohort launch of full-paying clients, as she continues to build her business, and find her niche.

Irene’s advice: “We all come into coaching with many transferable skills. Don’t ever discount the unique things you can bring to the table. There’s something from the experience you’ve had, whether it’s a previous job or your life, that can make you a better coach — if you let it.”

Success is… creating a gym that’s so much more than a gym.

Michael Espinosa runs a gym… but it’s so much more than that.

In addition to in-person training (with a focus on strength/conditioning and Olympic weightlifting), Michael also offers nutrition coaching through ProCoach for free, to any members who want it.

According to Mike, 33, ProCoach adds an important element to the in-person coaching experience: “It allows me to connect better with clients and teach them things like mindset and body awareness… things you can’t think about between your clean and jerk.”

Notably, the gym runs as a non-profit, with the goal of creating an integrated, accessible community. Middle and high school students get free training; university students get a discounted rate.

In addition, the gym boasts a community garden, “so that kids can see what broccoli or radish looks like when it’s growing,” and a small outdoor calisthenics park that’s free to the public.

Why give so much stuff away for free? Michael says it comes down to his core values.

“Justice is one of my values. The area we’re in has seen a lot of injustice. This is my way of tipping the scales. I provide a safe space for people to work out together, and make it a diverse community. Families, professors, university students, kids in the neighborhood, anyone is welcome here.”

How he does it: Those who can afford it pay a monthly membership fee ($144 for adults; $100 for students), which fund the gym. Michael acknowledges that it’s not a lucrative business. For him, the success lies in having a positive impact on the community and changing people’s lives — things he strongly values.

Michael’s advice: “Be unapologetically aware of what you’re doing and why. Do some honest reflection with yourself. And keep learning and growing; flowing water never goes stale.”

Success is… helping people build stronger communities.

“The last thing you want to talk about is nutrition when you’re standing on the roof of your house.”

After seeing the devastation caused by Hurricane Harvey, A’Tondra, 35, decided she didn’t just want to help people get healthier, she wanted to help them get stronger so they could serve their communities better.

To do that, A’Tondra made the choice to serve a smaller group of people, some in-person and some online. She tailored her services to provide a high degree of personalized attention and accountability, and to help her clients develop their own support systems.

“I’ve learned that when a person feels supported, they’re able to find purpose. And that makes everything better not only for themselves, but for all the people in their life.”

At first, reducing her number of clients was scary. But after the first year, “I had fewer clients but had nearly tripled my income. Plus, I was having a bigger impact on my clients.”

A’Tondra has watched her clients not only get healthier and stronger, but also give more back to their work, families, and neighborhoods.

At the same time, she’s able to spend more time with her own community, especially her family. “I have four children, and I’m able to make all their science competitions, basketball games and chess tournaments. That means a lot to me.”

How she does it: For three months of in-person exercise, nutrition, and lifestyle coaching, A’Tondra charges $3,500 for individuals and $6,800 per couple, upfront. (She finds that couples who train together tend to support each other well.) Online clients, who she serves through ProCoach, pay approximately half the in-person price.

A’Tondra’s advice: “Learn to appreciate what’s good about where you’re at. It can be easy to think you need hundreds of clients, people banging down your door to work with you. But with fewer clients, I make a bigger impact on them, it’s better for me financially, and I own my time.”

Success is… loving what you do, and earning a good living at it.

Living and working just steps away from the beach, Christie Miller has something many people aspire to: She truly loves what she does for a living — and she makes good money at it.

Not only is she passionate about health and fitness, she’s able to coach at a price point that is financially rewarding. As a result, “I wake up every morning and think… ‘I get to do this for a living — and get paid for it?’.”

Christie, 53, wasn’t an overnight success. After a number of different careers, she started her online coaching business — only to be met with frustration and stacks of bills.

(In fact, after her second year of business, the IRS came calling; they didn’t believe anyone could lose that much money. But she had.)

But after a few years, Christie identified her ideal clientele, and that made all the difference. Now, she helps “ambitious women who want to lose weight and play to win in all aspects of their lives.”

For this type of client, a higher price point was more effective. It attracted the kind of dedicated, driven clients she was looking for: people who were determined to get results and willing to pay for it.

Christie’s income absolutely exploded: By the second quarter of year three, she earned $57,789 — more than she made in the first two years of her business combined.

How she does it: Christie incorporates ProCoach into her six-month group program and reaches women all over Europe, North America, and even Dubai. New clients are offered this program at $597 a month. After the initial six months, some clients are invited to continue for another six.

Christie’s advice: “Be polarizing. Know exactly who your target audience is, and who they aren’t. It can be scary and can be a rollercoaster ride sometimes. But it’s absolutely worth it.”

Success is… helping women take back their health and empowerment.

Once upon a time, Stephanie Hinders found herself in an abusive relationship. Once she managed to get out, and get healthy (with support from her community at a local gym), she made it her mission to help other women take back control over their own lives too.

“I thought to myself, ‘Why did I go through all of that, if not to use the experience to help others?’.”

Today, 29-year-old Stephanie provides a combination of in-person and online coaching services to help women who feel disempowered regain their health, strength and self-confidence.

Seeing the changes in her clients is incredibly meaningful to Stephanie.

“I’m able to see clients go from berating themselves to celebrating their own progress. They find the light on the other side of the tunnel. They regain their confidence, mentally, physically, and emotionally. It’s hard to describe how much that means to me.”

How she does it: Stephanie has been training people in a local gym in Powell, Ohio, for more than four years. This past year, she added ProCoach services, beginning with an offer of three months free, in exchange for feedback. Stephanie is currently working on implementing a new pricing structure, and expanding her online client base. She’s pregnant and is excited that ProCoach will allow her to continue coaching with a flexible schedule when her new baby arrives.

Stephanie’s advice: “Be truthful to your own story. It can be intimidating when you look at other coaches, and easy to second guess yourself. You might look around and think ‘maybe I should be doing it like that.’ But you know your own reasons for doing what you do, and it’s important to remember that.”

Ready to build a thriving coaching practice?

Tested with over 100,000 clients now, Precision Nutrition’s ProCoach makes it easy to deliver the sustainable, research-proven nutrition and lifestyle coaching discussed in this article to anyone who needs it… from paying clients and patients, to family, to co-workers, to loved ones.

Want to coach in-person? Online? A combination of the two? Whatever fits your ideal lifestyle, it’s all possible with ProCoach.

With the ProCoach curriculum, coaching tools, and software, you’ll be able to turn what you learned in the Precision Nutrition Certification into a thriving practice, getting better results with dozens, even hundreds, of people while working less and living life on your own terms.

Interested? Add your name to the presale list. You’ll save 30% and secure your spot 24 hours before everyone else.

On Wednesday, June 5th, 2019, ProCoach becomes available to all Precision Nutrition Certification students and graduates.

If you’re interested and want to find out more, I’d encourage you to join our presale list. Being on the presale list gives you two special advantages.

You’ll pay less than everyone else. At Precision Nutrition, we like to reward the most interested and motivated professionals, because they always make the best students and clients. Join the presale list and we’ll give you 30% off the monthly cost of Precision Nutrition’s ProCoach.

You’re more likely to get a spot. Remember, last time we sold out within hours. But by joining the presale list you’ll get the opportunity to register 24 hours before everyone else, increasing your chances of getting in.

If you’re ready to help more people live their healthiest lives, grow your business, and worry less about time and money… ProCoach is your chance.

The post Redefining success in health and fitness coaching. How 7 coaches are rethinking their careers & how you can too. appeared first on Precision Nutrition.

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oovitus · 6 years

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Redefining success in health and fitness coaching. How 7 coaches are rethinking their careers & how you can too.

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“Making it” as a fitness and health coach used to be pretty straightforward.

“Success” meant having a steady stream of clients knocking on your door, and making enough money to easily pay the bills, live comfortably, and take your family on vacation from time to time.

It’s awesome to watch.

That’s why we decided to ask a few of our ProCoaches:

What does success look like for you? And how are you achieving it?

Their stories were so good — so inspiring — that I wanted to share them with you today. They might even help you re-define what success means for you.

Success is… living life on your own terms.

Daniel Hennessey is living the dream.

Dan used to live his life on the gym floor (or sitting in traffic on the long commute to work.) But after years as a trainer and gym owner, he finally said to himself, “what am I doing?”

The truth is, life in the gym just wasn’t for him. He wanted to be in the outdoors. To travel. To seek out new perspectives on life, and new ways of being healthy.

Most of all, “I wanted to do things my own way.”

Dan took the plunge. He sold his possessions and embraced the minimalist life, traveling with just a backpack. Meanwhile, he established a new business for himself as an online coach.

“With online coaching, a lot more people can have access to this thing called health, and I can coach you while sitting at home.”

Dan’s advice: “All that really matters is this: What do you want to do, and why? What gives you joy and purpose? Whatever it is, go after it. There’s more to life than living scared.”

Success is… making coaching accessible and inclusive.

Ten years ago, Jon Mills walked into a martial arts studio where he was introduced to a simple mantra: “Anyone who is willing to put in the work is welcome here”.

Today, Jon, 30, offers personal training, martial arts, and mindfulness coaching, and he provides online nutrition coaching through Procoach.

His mission: Make coaching welcoming for anyone.

It might sound crazy, but for Jon, it works.

Success is… turning your job into your dream career.

Irene thought to herself, “I have to do better.”

Now, Irene has added ProCoach to her RD services — and is seeing the kinds of results she had always hoped to witness. Her clients are surpassing their ‘stuckness’ like they never did before.

Irene is feeling the reward of seeing her clients succeed. At the same time, she’s also able to prioritize her family and spend time with her three children.

The result: Irene is building a career that is both personally and professionally rewarding, in a way she never thought possible.

Success is… creating a gym that’s so much more than a gym.

Michael Espinosa runs a gym… but it’s so much more than that.

In addition to in-person training (with a focus on strength/conditioning and Olympic weightlifting), Michael also offers nutrition coaching through ProCoach for free, to any members who want it.

Notably, the gym runs as a non-profit, with the goal of creating an integrated, accessible community. Middle and high school students get free training; university students get a discounted rate.

In addition, the gym boasts a community garden, “so that kids can see what broccoli or radish looks like when it’s growing,” and a small outdoor calisthenics park that’s free to the public.

Why give so much stuff away for free? Michael says it comes down to his core values.

Michael’s advice: “Be unapologetically aware of what you’re doing and why. Do some honest reflection with yourself. And keep learning and growing; flowing water never goes stale.”

Success is… helping people build stronger communities.

“The last thing you want to talk about is nutrition when you’re standing on the roof of your house.”

“I’ve learned that when a person feels supported, they’re able to find purpose. And that makes everything better not only for themselves, but for all the people in their life.”

At first, reducing her number of clients was scary. But after the first year, “I had fewer clients but had nearly tripled my income. Plus, I was having a bigger impact on my clients.”

A’Tondra has watched her clients not only get healthier and stronger, but also give more back to their work, families, and neighborhoods.

Success is… loving what you do, and earning a good living at it.

Living and working just steps away from the beach, Christie Miller has something many people aspire to: She truly loves what she does for a living — and she makes good money at it.

Christie, 49, wasn’t an overnight success. After a number of different careers, she started her online coaching business — only to be met with frustration and stacks of bills.

(In fact, after her first year of business, the IRS came calling; they didn’t believe anyone could lose that much money. But she had.)

But after a few years, Christie found her ideal clientele, and that made all the difference. Now, she helps “ambitious women who want to play to win in all aspects of their lives.”

Christie’s income absolutely exploded: By the second quarter of year three, she had made $57,000 — more than she made in the first two years of her business combined.

How she does it: Christie uses ProCoach to serve clients all over Europe, North America, and even Dubai. For her 6-month program, she currently charges $497 a month. Upon graduating, clients are encouraged to renew for 6 more months.

Christie’s advice: “Be polarizing. Know exactly who your target audience is, and who they aren’t. It can be scary and can be a rollercoaster ride sometimes. But it’s absolutely worth it.”

Success is… helping women take back their health and empowerment.

“I thought to myself, ‘Why did I go through all of that, if not to use the experience to help others?’.”

Today, 29-year-old Stephanie provides a combination of in-person and online coaching services to help women who feel disempowered regain their health, strength and self-confidence.

Seeing the changes in her clients is incredibly meaningful to Stephanie.

How she does it: Stephanie has been training people in a local gym in Powell, Ohio, for more than four years. This past year, she added ProCoach services, beginning with an offer of three months free, in exchange for feedback. Stephanie is currently working on implementing a new pricing structure, and expanding her online client base. She’s pregnant, and is excited that ProCoach as that will allow her to continue coaching with a flexible schedule when her new baby arrives.

Ready to build a thriving coaching practice?

Tested with nearly 100,000 clients now, Precision Nutrition’s ProCoach makes it easy to deliver the sustainable, research-proven nutrition and lifestyle coaching discussed in this article to anyone who needs it… from paying clients and patients, to family, to co-workers, to loved ones.

Want to coach in-person? Online? A combination of the two? Whatever fits your ideal lifestyle, it’s all possible with ProCoach.

Interested? Add your name to the presale list. You’ll save 30% and secure your spot 24 hours before everyone else.

On Wednesday, June 6th, 2018, ProCoach becomes available to all Precision Nutrition Certification students and graduates.

If you’re interested and want to find out more, I’d encourage you to join our presale list. Being on the presale list gives you two special advantages.

If you’re ready to help more people live their healthiest lives, grow your business, and worry less about time and money… ProCoach is your chance.

The post Redefining success in health and fitness coaching. How 7 coaches are rethinking their careers & how you can too. appeared first on Precision Nutrition.

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therightnewsnetwork · 7 years

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We Hear You: I’m a Sailor, a Marine, and a Transgender Woman Who Was Born This Way

Editor’s note: One reader who we heard from awhile back marked March 31 as Transgender Day of Visibility. So this weekend seemed like a fitting opportunity to publish the letter as the lead item in our mailbag.—Ken McIntyre

Dear Daily Signal: At first I was going to ignore Kelsey Harkness’ video report and the comments, but there comes a time when what I served our great nation for must be stated plainly (“Lost Voices in the Transgender Debate: Liberals and Conservatives Unite“).

I served for all Americans. I served so that you may hold opinions not based in logic, reason, or science. I served for your rights and freedoms. So by all means, feel free to express your beliefs and opinions.

I served as an enlisted person in the Navy and as an officer in the best fighting force in the world, the Marine Corps. I am a 1984 graduate of the Naval Academy, a parent of four, a grandparent of six, a serial entrepreneur, and I know me better than anyone.

The only people who know me and my body are my doctors at the KU Women’s Health Specialty Center in Overland Park, Kansas, and they know that I am a woman. Yes, I was born with male genitalia, but I am woman through and through.

I have studied me and the science behind me longer than many of you have been alive. For you to presume to know me, a transsexual woman, is absurd to the height of ignorance. I was born a woman from the very beginning, but my body physically and outwardly expressed as male.

The brain is the source of all gender, not what’s between your legs. Like 99.95 percent of all people, your gender most likely aligns with your brain so you have no issues to address personally. This is an evolutionary requirement for the survival of the species.

For the other .05 percent, the brain and genitals do not align: a statistical number that holds true for all human populations planetwide. Like all human physical characteristics, gender expresses on a statistical distribution, a spectrum.

There was a time in our country when conversion therapy was forced on those who were left-handed to make them right-handed, because righteous people were by definition right-handed. You can teach a person to use their right hand if they were born left-handed, but are they really right-handed? No.

What about hair color, texture, degree of curl, or straightness? What about tallness or shortness? Are all humans born with 10 fingers and 10 toes? Statistically, most humans are. However, some are born with more or less.

Do all humans fall into one standard shape and size and color, texture, functionality of genitals (whether male of female)? No. Huge statistical variety there, too.

Are only “real” humans born without physical impairments such as spina bifida, cleft palate, weakened heart valves, missing organs, extra organs? No. All of these occur on a statistical distribution, which means while they are less likely to occur than the norm, they can and do occur. Are those people any less human than you?

Why must gender be excluded from the statistical variability that is so easily observed in all of human nature? Well, it’s not.

So I am a transgender woman who was born this way whether you accept modern, evidence-based, peer-reviewed biological and psychological science or not. My being a woman is not dependent upon your approval. I am a woman. Period.

“It is your turn to stand in defense of my rights now,” Cassandra Leigh Williamson writes. “Trans people are under assault.” (Photo: Cassandra Leigh Williamson)

Gender dysphoria is caused by the lack of congruence, the misalignment, between expressed sexual and secondary sexual characteristics and the brain. It is not a mental disorder, but a physical issue much like being born with a physical disability.

Thank God, though, we know how to correct the misalignment.

So it is your turn to stand in defense of my rights now. Trans people are under assault. Our rights, our freedoms, the freedoms and rights you take for granted, are being rolled back or denied. Gender identity needs to be a protected class of minorities within our national and state laws. Stand with me. Hugs and Semper Fi!—Cassandra Leigh Williamson

Note: Cassandra Leigh Williamson, who lives in a small town in Missouri, has a website at cassandraleighwilliamson.com and recently began a video blog on YouTube called “Cassandra Leigh.”

Crashing the White House ‘Pool’ Party

Dear Daily Signal: You are more of a news organization than any of the “lamestream” media (“Journalists from BuzzFeed, New York Times Assess Daily Signal’s Splash in White House Press ‘Pool’“). Your Morning Bell email is the first one I read in the a.m. I look forward to reading it with my coffee.

I cannot trust any of the lamestream media. Look what they did all through the Obama administration. Lie upon lie. I have not read or watched any of them since the last two years of President George W. Bush.

How can anyone (with a brain) believe anything they say, especially after seeing their complete breakdown when my president, Donald Trump, won the election. I want you to know that you are a great news team. Don’t let anyone cause you to doubt that fact.—Hazel Sproull, Glendale, Ariz.

Dear Daily Signal: I’ve just started reading articles in The Daily Signal as a direct consequence of The Washington Post’s position that it shouldn’t be part of the White House press pool (“The Daily Signal Won’t Be Bullied by the Establishment Media“). I am supportive of more diverse voices in the media.

I’m not a Republican, but I am absolutely tired of one-sided coverage and the demonization of close to half the population in the U.S. I think it’s repugnant that conservatives are portrayed as racist, sexist xenophobes in most of what I read. That is not my first-hand experience, and I find it analogous to name-calling on the playground.

Disappointingly, this intellectually dishonest approach is what currently passes for thoughtful discourse in many circles. It forces one to be skeptical of anything one reads these days, which is the main reason why we need different views.—Dean Mathieson

The GOP Split Over Obamacare Replacement

Dear Daily Signal: The Heritage Foundation, and The Daily Signal, are quickly losing my support by turning on President Donald Trump and House Speaker Paul Ryan over the Republican leadership’s health care bill.

I am not a legislative guru, but I do understand that the enemy of a good plan is to hold out for the perfect plan. The American Health Care Act was not a clean repeal of Obamacare, but it was what could be passed within the rules that control the scheduling and procedures of both chambers, the House and the Senate.

Additionally, it looked to me that Trump and Ryan offered all that was possible to the bill, and the House Freedom Caucus still refused to compromise—with their own party, for goodness sake. I am very disappointed.

I am as conservative as they come, but Heritage and the folks of the Freedom Caucus are obstructing the chance for conservatives to govern.—Roger Rudd

Dear Daily Signal: I am a loyal voter for President Trump. Because of that, I am very worried that his administration’s declaring “war” on the House Freedom Caucus or the Congress in general will paralyze his potential.

How can we convince our president to work with and not against the GOP majority in both houses, including the patriots of the Freedom Caucus? —Hal Miner

A Day Without Men

Dear Daily Signal: OK, if it so revealing to have a Day Without Women, let’s try a Day Without Men (“‘A Day Without a Woman’ Strike Promotes Idea of Women as Helpless“). Let’s see what happens when citizens need the police, the fire department, the military, and a thousand common, everyday needs filled.

The local plumber, carpenter, electrician. Air conditioning service, garbage collection, highway construction and maintenance. And on and on and on. The greatest deficit in America today is old-fashioned common sense.—Jerry J.

Our Bodies, Our Lives

Dear Daily Signal: Amazing premise that we “own’” our bodies, Walter Williams (“Are You Really Pro-Liberty? Here Are a Few Tests“)! How did we get to “own” them? We did not buy them, correct? They were given to us by something that we cannot describe or understand fully.

Mr. Williams might be talking in his commentary about our “lives,” which would be a better analogy, except that we were taught how to live by our parents. They were taught by those before them, and so on back about a couple of million years or so, correct?

How far back do we go in choosing a particular way of living? Only 30 years? 50? 100? 500? 2000? There are many examples throughout history that seem to have worked much better, and many that have worked much worse, than today’s lifestyle. Maybe Mr. Williams could compare a few of the good ones and some of the bad ones for us, so we could make an informed decision for ourselves.

Also, much of what I want in life cannot be bought, in my opinion. I would like to hear what Mr. Williams thinks about those things that cannot be bought.—Barry Benjamin

How Are We Doing?

Great job. The Republicans better stand up to the Democrats and get Neil Gorsuch onto the Supreme Court. Now. Don’t let them delay any longer, as we need a positive vote on issues.—Audrey Lauer

Your Morning Bell emails have an unexpected pleasant twist to them. You actually have an email address for people to submit comments and a phone number where you can be contacted.—Paul Saucier

My compliments. You are doing great with your reports every day.—Ingrid Dohler, Esko, Minn.

Great reporting, thank you.—Helen McBroom

I get lots of emails on political news, but your Morning Bell is the most concise and informative. I like the headlines so I can read more if I have time.—Carolyn Gilbertson

Great job. I appreciate the work that you do to provide real news reports. I depend on The Daily Signal for true and accurate information.—Tommy Wilson, Lilburn, Ga.

Awesome. Signed a friend up and plan on becoming a donor. Keep up the good work, and thank you for helping save our country.—Madelyn Vanacore, Sterling, Conn.

The post We Hear You: I’m a Sailor, a Marine, and a Transgender Woman Who Was Born This Way appeared first on The Daily Signal.

from http://www.therightnewsnetwork.com/we-hear-you-im-a-sailor-a-marine-and-a-transgender-woman-who-was-born-this-way/

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patriotnewsblogger-blog · 7 years

Text

We Hear You: I’m a Sailor, a Marine, and a Transgender Woman Who Was Born This Way

New Post has been published on http://www.therightnewsnetwork.com/we-hear-you-im-a-sailor-a-marine-and-a-transgender-woman-who-was-born-this-way/

We Hear You: I’m a Sailor, a Marine, and a Transgender Woman Who Was Born This Way

Do all humans fall into one standard shape and size and color, texture, functionality of genitals (whether male of female)? No. Huge statistical variety there, too.

Why must gender be excluded from the statistical variability that is so easily observed in all of human nature? Well, it’s not.

“It is your turn to stand in defense of my rights now,” Cassandra Leigh Williamson writes. “Trans people are under assault.” (Photo: Cassandra Leigh Williamson)

Thank God, though, we know how to correct the misalignment.

Note: Cassandra Leigh Williamson, who lives in a small town in Missouri, has a website at cassandraleighwilliamson.com and recently began a video blog on YouTube called “Cassandra Leigh.”

Crashing the White House ‘Pool’ Party

The GOP Split Over Obamacare Replacement

I am as conservative as they come, but Heritage and the folks of the Freedom Caucus are obstructing the chance for conservatives to govern.—Roger Rudd

How can we convince our president to work with and not against the GOP majority in both houses, including the patriots of the Freedom Caucus? —Hal Miner

A Day Without Men

Our Bodies, Our Lives

Also, much of what I want in life cannot be bought, in my opinion. I would like to hear what Mr. Williams thinks about those things that cannot be bought.—Barry Benjamin

How Are We Doing?

Great job. The Republicans better stand up to the Democrats and get Neil Gorsuch onto the Supreme Court. Now. Don’t let them delay any longer, as we need a positive vote on issues.—Audrey Lauer

Your Morning Bell emails have an unexpected pleasant twist to them. You actually have an email address for people to submit comments and a phone number where you can be contacted.—Paul Saucier

My compliments. You are doing great with your reports every day.—Ingrid Dohler, Esko, Minn.

Great reporting, thank you.—Helen McBroom

I get lots of emails on political news, but your Morning Bell is the most concise and informative. I like the headlines so I can read more if I have time.—Carolyn Gilbertson

Great job. I appreciate the work that you do to provide real news reports. I depend on The Daily Signal for true and accurate information.—Tommy Wilson, Lilburn, Ga.

Awesome. Signed a friend up and plan on becoming a donor. Keep up the good work, and thank you for helping save our country.—Madelyn Vanacore, Sterling, Conn.

The post We Hear You: I’m a Sailor, a Marine, and a Transgender Woman Who Was Born This Way appeared first on The Daily Signal.

http://www.therightnewsnetwork.com/we-hear-you-im-a-sailor-a-marine-and-a-transgender-woman-who-was-born-this-way/ %cats%

#conservative #republican

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