#begrudging

[xiiithhazard]

Chaos Control

Knuckles tracks down a chaos source that could threaten his home. (Movie Verse)

Word Prompt – Begrudging

@year-of-the-echidna

(Warnings at the end)

…

Knuckles opened his eyes when something seemed to pull at him, something from inside his own body. A sensation he hadn’t felt since finding The Master Emerald, signifying the end of his journey. However, as he sat up in his bed and focused, he realized that kind, yet demanding touch had returned.

Turning around he checked on his brothers, both of whom were still fast asleep, neither one of them even aware of the strange energy in the air. Not even Sonic, who had been the last to hold possession of the Emerald, before it had been lost to the void, upon the destruction of the eclipse cannon.

Another tug against his soul and Knuckles slowly got up, making his way toward the window and looked out at the stars. However, the pull did not originate from there. It was instead much closer. Coming from the surface of the planet he currently stood upon.

Again, it pulled on him and he could no longer ignore it. And so, taking one last moment to make sure that his clan would be safe while he was gone, he silently leapt to the circular window in the ceiling and made his way out onto the roof. Keeping his steps light upon the tiles as he oriented himself, finally focusing on the direction in which he was being called.

…

It took him a couple of hours to finally pinpoint the exact location of the energy source. Though the closer he got to it, the less he was sure of what it was. The sensation of pure chaos was that of the emeralds, yet it was only one.

He’d been afraid of that.

Without him present to restore it, the seven Chaos Emeralds were now let loose upon the world. Separated and scattered to who knew where, doing who knew what, just waiting for some unlucky sap to pick one up and go mad with power. That was why, even if the sensation of its energy felt worryingly - off, he had to secure it before something happened.

However, his quest was cut short, when the pull led him straight into the solid stone face of a cliff. Grumbling to himself, the echidna turned his eyes to the top of the wall, trying to focus on the pull and its point of origin. But it wasn’t coming from above, so he walked alongside the wall for a bit, only to snap back when the energy signal moved.

He only just managed to get his arm up to defend himself, as a mass of Chaos power crashed into him, and he had to swallow a scream of pain when his already broken wrist cracked under the pressure. With his vision going white for a second, he couldn’t see what was attacking him, before it suddenly snapped out of existence, only to reappear on his undefended side. However, this time he’d sensed it coming and reached out to wrap his fist around the attacking figure’s neck.

Twisting his whole body into the throw, he leveled the creature directly into the cliff face. The force of the impact sending a crack charging up the wall and creating a massive hole where a familiar shape rested at the center, clearly shocked by the sudden turn of events. And, for a horrifying second, Knuckles thought it was Sonic. But when his vision cleared of the pain, he realized it was another hedgehog.

“Shadow?” He asked, honestly shocked. They had all believed him to be dead. But before he could determine anything else, the hedgehog lifted his head, eye’s sparking with orange chaos energy, as he vanished again.

Still able to sense the lingering power of the Master Emerald within his attacker, Knuckles was able to pinpoint his returning location and prepared his defenses for the impact. However, he was still sent flying back into the forest from the pure strength behind the strike.

Branches and leaves snapped under him, as he rolled into the fall, eventually coming to a harsh stop at the base of a large tree, where he found himself gasping for air, his ribs protesting with each breath. But yet, he couldn’t help but smile. It had been so long since he’d had a worthy opponent, and while he truly loved his new home, there was really nothing there that could challenge him.

However, he kept his excitement in check, as he could still sense the vortex of energies inside his opponent. Now that he was close enough, he realized it was not a chaos emerald at all, but instead an intense built up of pure power that was likely equivalent to one, yet this was darker, fueled by fear and rage.

It was so intense that he was actually surprised Shadow was keeping it under control at all. Of course, that was before he looked up to find that the hedgehog had stopped his attack and was instead meandering about, clutching his head in pain. Clearly fighting to stay in command. However, the more he pushed it back down, the more pressure was built.

Even he wouldn’t be able to contain it forever.

Understanding now what he was looking at, Knuckles carefully got back to his feet, causing the hedgehog to freeze up for a split second, before turning to lock his eyes on the echidna. An action that honestly made him look more like a cornered and frightened animal, than the power chaos warrior he really was. But it didn’t take long for that unnatural vulnerability to fade again, replaced by a more familiar rage.

“What do you want?” He growled. “Why can’t you just leave me alone?”

Realizing that his intentions had been misunderstood, Knuckles opened his mouth to explain. But didn’t get the chance, before the hedgehog was attacking him again. And, again, this was not a normal reaction.

Though they had met just a few times and fought only once, Knuckles had gotten a good read on his opponent. Shadow wasn’t the type to strike first, he was more patient than that, he waited for the opportunity, when his enemy had dropped their guard in the initial, overconfident moments of their attack. The fact that he had given up on the strategy that had won him so many battles was proof of just how panicked he truly was.

However, Knuckles couldn’t afford to show him sympathy. Shadow was not someone he could simply hesitate against. If he didn’t fight back, the hedgehog would go right through him.

Sensing the incoming attack, he dodged, just as Shadow reappeared to crush the tree he’d been leaning against. The force of the blow, sending the thing tumbling into the forest, but having missed his original opponent, the attack also left him slightly off kilter.

Taking advantage of this, Knuckles rushed in for a hit of his own and managed to just make contact, before the hedgehog snapped away. He didn’t get far, as he reappeared only a few feet to the right. But the force of Knuckles’ attack had not been negated, so he was left to slide and tumble across the forest floor, until he finally came to rest in a pile.

Keeping his guard up, the echidna carefully approached the unmoving form, hoping he hadn’t gone too far. But he pulled up again, when Shadow finally moved, slowly getting to his hands and knees, struggling for the breath that had been knocked out of him.

Eventually, his shock led him to look up and, for a moment, he looked like Shadow again, not afraid, just confident, maybe even impressed. But then the moment was shattered, as his body suddenly erupted with energy and he screamed, clutching at his head again, his chaotic presence moving erratically, as if torn between worlds. The power within him ready to rip itself free of his body and consume everything around it.

Feeling the buildup of energy, Knuckles’ attention was momentarily called toward the Wachowski home and the surrounding town. If the hedgehog’s power were to detonate, everything within miles would be leveled. Including his clan.

Immediately, he disregarded his own safety and rushed forward to take hold of Shadow’s arm, noticing that one of his gold rings was missing. But he didn’t get much of a chance to consider this fact, as the second he made contact with the hedgehog, the unfiltered chaos energy surged through his body, and he was flung backward again.

Thankfully, he didn’t get too far before he crashed into a boulder, but the impact left him momentarily dazed, and he felt a trickle of blood run down his face. However, before he could get up to try again, Shadow appeared to regain some form of control. But unfortunately, it was directed at him.

Shadow had always walked a fine line between light and darkness, but now he seemed to be teetering dangerously close to the abyss. His eyes were wild, unfocused, a storm of agony and rage, as the chaos energy threatened to consume him. And Knuckles knew that he had to act. Not just to protect everyone else from the disastrous fallout, but to protect his own life.

Summoning his strength, he pushed himself off the boulder, launching himself at Shadow and barely ducking under a wild energy blast that scorched the air above him. And, in a desperate and awkward reach, he finally got a hold on Shadow's arm.

Immediately he felt the searing heat of chaos raging through his body once more, but this time, he held on, trying desperately to ground the erratic energy. Of course, Shadow was not going to make it easy. As he quickly struck out with his other hand, hitting the echidna straight in the head and opening the already bleeding wound there, before changing his tactic and snapped them both to another location.

Somehow, despite all odds, Knuckles managed to keep his hold on the hedgehog, as they fell through the forest canopy, hitting the ground hard as they fought for control of the situation. Chaos sparking around them, turning leaves and twigs straight to ash and leaving scorch marks on anything it touched.

At some point, Knuckles realized that the screaming in his ears wasn’t just Shadow’s anymore, but also his own. The pain was so intense his body had simply stopped registering it. However, his mind was still reacting, trying to get him to let go. But he couldn’t, he had to hold on, he had to keep it under control – even if it killed him.

…

 “I’m – sure he’s fine.” Sonic said, though he wasn’t even able to convince himself let alone Maddie, who’d been waiting by the window for the last two hours. “It’s not like he hasn’t disappeared before.”

This was true, of course, that had been in the early days following Knuckles’ acceptance to the family. It had taken him a number of months to grow accustomed to the idea that he was now accountable to other people. People that worried about him when he disappeared for days on end. But he had slowly come to understand that, if he planned to be gone, he had to, at the very least, leave a note.

It hadn’t even been a full day since the family had woken up to discover their resident warrior was missing. But they’d just assumed he was training or patrolling. So, they had started their day like any other, expecting him to be back in time to eat. But breakfast had come and gone without him, leaving Maddie particularly irritated, but it was what it was. Then lunch had passed them by and still no sign of Knuckles, that was when she had started her pacing. It was almost dinner time now and the sun had almost completely set. Now they were all starting to worry.

“It’s not like him.” Maddie insisted for the hundredth time, as Tom walked up beside her to check the window as well.

“Alright boys.” He said softly but firmly causing Sonic and Tails to perk up, as the man turned to them. “Time to start the search.”

“Tom.” Maddie proclaimed sternly, reaching out to stop him from opening the door. “You just got out of the hospital. You’re not going anywhere.”

“But –”

“We will be searching.” She indicated the boys and herself, before poking the man in the chest, being careful of his broken collarbone. “You will be staying here; in case he comes home.”

The poor guy looked like he wanted to argue, it was almost painful to watch him give up on the idea of looking for one of his kids, but he knew she was right and complaining about it would only waste precious minutes of daylight.

Giving Tails a minute to get his bag of gadgets, they each took a flashlight and stepped out into the encroaching night, only to pause when something slowly emerged from the forest.

“Knuckles?” Sonic asked the too large form, stepping up to put himself between it and his family, in case it was something else. However, he just ended up staring, like a deer in headlights, when Maddie flipped on her flashlight to show them what it was.

It was Knuckles, but he was covered in blood and burns and looked to only be barely conscious. Despite that, he was still moving forward, carrying something on his back.

“Oh my god.” Maddie breathed in horror, being the first to respond, as she raced down the steps to him. Eventually everyone else followed, only to be pulled up again, when they got closer look at what Knuckles was carrying.

“Shadow?” Sonic whispered in both shock and anger, unable to really decide which was more appropriate for the moment. On the one hand, this was the hedgehog that had nearly killed his father and had seemingly just tried to kill his older brother too. But on the other, they’d also worked together to save the world just a few weeks before.

Needless to say, he was a tad conflicted when Knuckles locked onto his eyes, breathing harshly, and seemingly only able to open one eye, as the other was caked in blood. But he remained focused as he spoke. “Containment.” He forced out, but it seemed to use all the breath he had collected, as he had to lower his head to get more, prompting Sonic to finally snap out of his stupor and rush forward.

“What?” He asked, getting as close to his brother as possible, so he could hear what he had to say.

“His energy – it requires – containment.” He finally explained, before finally losing the battle with consciousness and collapsed. But Sonic was there to catch him, slowly lowering his brother to the ground, before lifting Shadow away, so Maddie could check him over.

By the time the two of them managed to carry Knuckles into the house, Tom and Tails had set up a makeshift hospital, clearing the living room for a mattress to take up space, and every single medical or veterinary object in the house was now placed somewhere nearby.

 Trusting Maddie to help his brother, Sonic forced himself to leave and return to the yard. Thankfully, the other hedgehog was still out cold and exactly where he’d left him. Though he wasn’t exactly sure what to do about it.

Eventually Tails followed him, having left to find something that could fulfill Knuckles’ request to contain Shadow’s energy. Though the only thing he’d come up with were the titanium handcuffs, which he had designed to hold creatures with massive amounts of energy like Sonic or Knuckles, so they could only hope it would be enough. In the end, they opted for two sets, one for his hands, the other for his feet. Just so the hedgehog couldn’t wake up in a bad mood and go on another rampage. After a couple of minutes, they also decided to bring him inside, if for no other reason, then he would be easier to keep an eye on there.

“How – is he?” Tails asked in a tiny, worried voice. Finding a place where he wouldn’t be in the way but also close enough that he could hold Knuckles’ hand, as Maddie cleaned and dressed his wounds.

“Thankfully, it’s not as bad as it looks.” She explained, obviously distressed, but was holding it together as their most experienced doctor. “But – he’s burning up and I don’t know why?”

Sonic came over as well, watching as Tails pulled out his little handheld computer to scan the echidna. However, before he could do so, Knuckles suddenly shifted, as if he were waking up and they all quickly rushed in, wanting to be there when he did. However, it seemed that Maddie had noticed something they hadn’t as she suddenly rushed to put her arms around his head, just before his body convulsed again.

“What’s happening?” Sonic demanded, only for Tom to pick up on the problem as well and pulled him and Tails back, as their brother began to shake and jerk, his back jackknifing so sharply that their feared it was about to break. But Maddie was able to roll him onto his side, still holding his head protectively, somehow able to keep his neck straight.

Eventually everyone else joined in, doing what they could to keep him still, as the full effects of the seizure took over, and his unnatural strength was suddenly turned against him. It took everything they had and maybe a little divine intervention, but they were able to keep him safe, as red chaos energy sparked to life, around the room.

It seemed to go on forever, but thankfully, at some point, everything slowly began to calm down again, and Knuckles started to breathe a little easier.

“Shhhh.” Maddie whispered, gently holding his hand when he mumbled something in his sleep. “It’s okay. We’re here. You’re safe.” She promised. Tears running down her checks, as she pressed their foreheads together.

“Tails.” Tom spoke up, turning to the fox and softly rubbed the kid’s back as he stood staring at his injured brother in complete horror. But the contact quickly brought him out of it and Tom handed him back his computer, knowing the best thing for the fox to do, in that moment, was distract himself. However, when he finally got the opportunity to run a scan and check over his findings, he seemed even more alarmed by what he’d discovered.

“What is it?” Sonic demanded worriedly, and the fox shook himself out of his shock once again.

“He – his body is full of chaos energy.” Everyone looked understandably confused by that.

“Isn’t that – normal, for him?” Tom asked, but Tails shook his head.

“Yes, but not like this.” He insisted, tapping at his computer, like he wasn’t sure if it was working properly. “His energy is usually neutral. But – now it’s got a negative charge. I – I don’t understand. That shouldn’t be possible. Unless –” He paused for a second, clearly coming up with an idea and lifted his eyes to look at Shadow. “Unless he absorbed someone else’s.”

“He can do that?” Sonic asked, but even Tails didn’t look convinced by his own hypothesis.

“I don’t know – in theory, he should be able to channel chaos energy, the same way you do with the Emeralds. But – normally someone with an innate chaos of their own can only handle one type at a time.” He looked up at Sonic, as if needing eye contact to calm himself down. “For example, your chaos charge is positive, if you were to take negative energy into your body, it would make you really, really sick, maybe – maybe even kill you.”

Sonic felt his heart skip a beat, as he looked back at Knuckles, who was thankfully still breathing. But – he’d never before been so badly hurt that he’d lost consciousness, and he’d certainly never had a seizure. “He – he’s gonna be okay – right?” He finally asked, looking back at the fox, who again looked unsure.

“I don’t even know how he managed to absorb this much energy, let alone survive the charge distortion.” He insisted, making everyone wince at his distracted word choice. “But, maybe –” He filtered off again, once more speculating the nature of this strange event. “It could be that his connection to the Master Emerald has given him a stronger advantage, maybe even an innate ability to channel and – possibly purify chaos energy.”

He suggested this as more of a question than a statement. As he clearly had no idea and just wanted to come up with something, anything but the presumption that his brother was simply dying.

“Hey.” Tom cut in, kneeling down to bring both Tails and Sonic into a one-armed hug. “Don’t you guys worry about him. You know Knuckles is more stubborn than that.”

Well, that was true.

Of course, they didn’t get the chance to discuss it further, before another moan had them all turning to look at the couch, as this one had instead come from Shadow. Immediately, Sonic was on his feet, putting himself between the hedgehog and his family, as the guy slowly opened his eyes and became aware of the fact that he was handcuffed.

This obviously woke him up, as he quickly tested his strength against the titanium. But, as promised, Tails had built them to withstand just about anything. Eventually his attention was instead drawn to Sonic, leaving them to just stare each other down for nearly a full minute, before Tom stood up to address the heavy atmosphere.

The effect was almost instant, as Shadow turned to look at him, his eyes widened in shock and all he could do was stare at the man, who he clearly believed to be dead.

“Hey, it’s alright.” Tom insisted when Sonic moved again to stand directly in front of his father, his fear and anger causing blue energy to radiate from his body. But the man was able to get ahold of his shoulder and gently bring him back to earth. “We’re all friends here. Isn’t that right Shadow?”

The hedgehog blinked as these words seemed to pull him from his stupor. However, he was clearly unable to respond, so Sonic did it for him. “Friends!?” He proclaimed in horror. “Are you kidding me? He nearly –”

“It was just an accident.” Tom insisted kindly, still not taking his eyes off of Shadow. “Just a simple case of mistaken identity – right?” He asked, and Shadow jumped as if his spirit had just slammed back into his body.

“I –” He tried, forcing himself to finally look away from the man he’d nearly killed, only to notice Knuckles instead and he tensed up again, causing Sonic to get right in his face this time. However, his rage soon dissipated, when Shadow looked up to meet his eyes and he remembered the moment, on the moon, when they’d been in nearly the same position. He’d been unable to act on his anger then – and couldn’t do it now.

Eventually Sonic managed to pull his eyes away and stood with his fists clenched and his breathing heavy, as he fought down the surge of chaos energy in his body, until it was finally gone.

“How?” Shadow spoke up again and Sonic twitched, but didn’t move, as the other hedgehog looked down at his cuffed wrists, not even trying to escape them anymore. “How did I get here?”

The room was quiet for a moment, but it was Tails that eventually broke the tension. “Knuckles carried you here.” He explained, his voice was a little jittery, but he was staying strong. Even when Shadow looked up at him, clearly shocked by this information and he turned to study the echidna once again. Only to quickly look away, when Sonic tensed up, prepared to jump in and defend his brother, if the black hedgehog so much as breathed the wrong way. However, Tails somehow found the courage to step forward and continue their conversation. “He – has a large amount of negative chaos energy in his body. Is – it yours?”

“What?” Shadow asked, clearly confused. Only to seemingly remember something and he looked down at his hands again, specifically focusing on his right wrist, which was missing an inhibitor ring. “He –” He proclaimed in shock, looking back at Knuckles, despite Sonic’s warning, only this time he looked almost flabbergasted, maybe even somewhat humbled. “He helped me? But – why?”

This got everyone’s attention, as it was pretty clear that Shadow was far too traumatized to lie. “What do you mean he helped you? What did he do?” Tails insisted, trying to collect as much data as possible, in order to help his brother. But, for a moment, the hedgehog just looked back at his hands, clenching and unclenching his fists, before finally answering the fox’s question.

“Without my ring – my power was unstable. I couldn’t control it anymore. I was – I was going to – die.” He admitted simply, looking back at Knuckles once again. “He must have syphoned it off. That’s the only way I could still be alive right now.”

“Okay.” Tails muttered shakily, running his thoughts through his brain analyzer. “Can – you syphon it back?” He asked, but Shadow only shook his head.

“I don’t have that ability. I’m honestly surprised that he does.”

Tails made a noise of deep concern and bit his finger in consideration. Desperately trying to find a way to help his brother, before finally focusing on Shadow’s inhibitor rings, and reached over to poke one, barely even noticing anymore that he was in the presence of their most dangerous enemy to date. “Would these be able to help him?” He asked, but again Shadow shook his head.

“They are designed to contain my power, not remove it.”

The fox was about to ask another question, when Maddie called them back and they all turned to find that Knuckles was actually waking up. Though he was still groggy and not all there yet.

“Knuckles.” Maddie whispered, gently rubbing her thumb along the bridge of his muzzle. “Hey honey. Talk to me.”

“Mo – ther.” He mumbled and everyone kind of started a little, having never heard him call her that before. However, it wasn’t exactly clear whether he was aware of this fact or if it was a case of mistaken identity, and Maddie looked as if she might melt into a puddle of happy tears, so no one had the heart to either confirm or deny it.

Eventually, with a little more coxing, the echidna opened his eyes. Though they were dull and unfocused at first, he started to slowly come around. Leading Tails to pull out his computer again and scan him.

“What?” Sonic asked, when the little fox looked at his screen in shock.

“It’s – going down.” Tails proclaimed in a tone of voice that suggested that this simply should not be possible.

“What?” Shadow demanded and they turned back to him. “Where is it going?” He asked, clearly aware that that would be the only reason for the fox’s explanation. But Tails only shrugged, looking back at his computer again and smiled a nervous little grin, clearly happy that his brother was okay, even if there was no explanation for it.

“Contain?” Knuckles told the ceiling groggily, as he tried to get his arms to work and push himself up, but he didn’t accomplish much more than getting Maddie irritated with him.

“Don’t worry, big guy.” Sonic told him, kneeling down to place his hand on the echidna’s shoulder, to help keep him from moving, and smiled when their eyes met. “We got it under control. Now the only thing you need to do is get better.”

This finally helped the warrior to relax, in fact, they’d never seem him look so relieved. It made them wonder just what kind of serious situation they had truly missed in the subtests. Either way, he was able to focus on other things now, as he slowly turned to look at Maddie again, his expression a little drunkenly sheepish.

“I’m – sorry.” He offered, looking like he was afraid he was about to be grounded. “I’m – late for breakfast.”

…

They tried moving Knuckles to the spare room, or Shadow to the garage, but the echidna was having none of it. Despite not even being able to sit up yet, he insisted on keeping an eye on the hedgehog. Which meant that Sonic was pretty much permanently rooted to a nearby chair. And Tails had moved everything he’d need into the dining room, so he could work on something to help contain Shadow’s energy while still being close by.

Tom seemed to magically appear anytime there was even a hint of animosity. Maddie was usually checking on Knuckles’ or Shadow’s recovery or making sure that her husband didn’t do anything he wasn’t supposed to. An endless task, considering the man’s worst enemy was boredom.

Then there was good old Ozzy, who was always whenever someone needed a snuggle or a pet. He even managed to get through to Shadow a few times. Of course, Shadow hadn’t moved from the couch once since he’d gotten there. And thankfully seemed content to keep it that way, at least until Tails was finished with his new inhibitor ring.

“Why did you help me?” Sonic opened his eyes, when Shadow said this and slowly shifted until he could see the other two occupants of the room. It was night and everyone was supposed to be asleep. However, Knuckles casually opened his eyes as if he’d just been waiting for the black hedgehog to speak.

“Because I had to.” He whispered back. “Your energy was unstable. If I had done nothing, it would have destroyed my home.” He clenched his fists, before turning to glare at Shadow. “I have lost everything once. I will not allow it to happen again.”

Shadow looked shocked by this reviolation and slowly looked away from the echidna’s intense stare. “Still, you could have achieved the same goal – by just killing me.” He pointed out, only for Knuckles to suddenly sit bolt upright, despite clearly feeling some discomfort from the action.

“Do not tell me how to achieve my goals, hedgehog.” He snarled angrily, somehow able to keep his voice down, so as not to wake anyone else. “For years others have tried to make me kill for them. I would not do it then; I will not do it now.”

Sonic twitched at this sudden revelation, realizing that his brother was talking about things that he’d never brought up before. He had always claimed that his past was just that ‘the past’ and he had no need for it anymore. However, it seemed that something about his interaction with Shadow had opened the flood gates.

And it appeared that Shadow was picking up on this as well, as he slowly turned to look at him again. “If those people were truly so evil, then killing them would have been a blessing.” He insisted, clearly convinced of that, as he met Knuckles gaze firmly and without fear. However, the echidna didn’t waver either.

“Perhaps.” He admitted.

“Then why not just kill them? You have the power.”

It was Knuckles who looked away this time and lifted his hands as if to check them for something. “I nearly did.” He said and Sonic started to feel uncomfortable. He didn’t want to spy on his brother, but at the same time, he couldn’t make himself speak up. “I faced that monster you refer to as revenge.” Knuckles spoke again and looked back at Shadow, more determined than he had been before. “And it nearly consumed me.”

Shadow blinked and honestly looked a bit taken aback. “So?” He finally asked. “At least you would have had –”

“I would have had nothing.” Knuckles corrected him sternly. “Killing him would not have taken my pain away or returned the years that he took from me. All I would have achieved was becoming that which I hated.” It was clear that Shadow had never actually considered this in his own quest for revenge, as he suddenly looked far away in his thoughts, which made Knuckles soften his words as well. “It took everything I had to get back even a small piece of myself, when all was said and done.” He revealed quietly and Shadow looked back at him again. “If I had turned against my own beliefs, turned against everything I knew to be right. I would not have been able to find even that. I would never be able to face my father again.”

Shadow considered this for well over a minute, before finally speaking up, though there was something else in his voice now. Like he was in physical pain, upon realizing just how close he had come to doing the same thing, to turning against everything Maria had stood for and never being able to face her memory.

“You said – you lost everything once?” He asked, almost like he hadn’t meant the words to actually be said aloud. However, he still looked back at the echidna, prepared to finish the question anyway. “What is – everything?”

Knuckles just continued to stare at his hands for another moment, lost in his own thoughts. “Everything.” He answered simply. “My clan, my father, my home, my freedom, even my own memories were slowly stripped away. The person I once was – died, and I have never been able to get it back.” He finally looked up at Shadow again, an odd softness to his eyes now. “But – I have found a new life now. I have a family here, friends, brothers. And I have slowly come to find the person that I want to be. It is not the same, but that doesn’t matter. This is my island to protect. This is my home.”

Shadow slowly looked up again and he too seemed to soften a little, to the point where he almost smiled. “How did you do it?” He whispered and Knuckles smiled back, before turning to look over his shoulder and Sonic jumped, as he met his eyes.

Realizing he’d been caught, or maybe they’d known all along that he was listening, he smiled back and slowly untangled himself from his blanket. Then he sighed and looked at Shadow, finally feeling all of his anger and fear fading away. If Knuckles could do it, after losing so much more than anyone should ever have to, then how could he, the one who’d actually managed to pull him back from the edge, do any less.

“It’s not easy, Shadow.” He spoke up at last, the other hedgehog seemingly coming alive for the first time since they had met. As the three of them found connection in their shared losses and their shared love. “But you don’t do it for yourself.” Sonic continued, feeling tears in his eyes. “You do it for them. The ones we had to leave behind. Because – if we don’t live for them, no one else will.”

…

Chapter 2

(Warnings: Blood, seizures, death, trauma, loss, mentions of slavery)

[pupdoc0916]

Begrudging

“Achoo!’

Knuckles’ head shook with the force, little droplets of clear liquid peppering his glove.  His clenched eyes opened and he loudly sniffled, running his hand under his nose to remove the excess liquid.

“Uhh, bless you?” his brother’s voice carried across the yard, a smirk plastered to his face.  The hedgehog raised his eyebrows in amusement.  

“Just…”  Oh no…the tickle returned and he pulled his breaths in three quick times.  “Achoo!”

“Bless you again.” Sonic snorted, smirk morphing into a grin.

Knuckles shook his head, blocking the cool breezing air from under his nose as he once again cleared the excess moisture.

“What is so amusing, hedgehog?” his deep voice dripped with annoyance as he twitched his nose a few times, sniffling until the tickle calmed within.

“You alright?” a smaller voice asked, and he turned his head to eye his little brother.

He opened his mouth to answer but was quickly interrupted by his boisterous middle brother.

“You aren’t getting sick or something, are you?”

He huffed in indignation.  “No.”

“Ya sure?  Cause there’s a river of snot on the grass that begs to differ.”

Knuckles narrowed his eyes and shot the annoying speedster with a glare.

“I am fine.” he snapped.  “Just give me the ball.”

Sonic smirked again, then threw him the football which the echidna caught easily in his two oversized gloved hands.  He looked toward the small fox to his left who was twisting his tails in anticipation for his turn.

“Ready?”

“Yeah!  Give me a hard one!”

Knuckles leaned back, pulling his hand back with the football and tossed it straight up.  The spinning ball cut through the air and out of sight under the excessive force of the throw as it intermingled with the rays of the afternoon sun.

Tails pulled out his device and levitated from the ground with his spinning tails, a red dot appearing on the small screen.  “Whoa, Knuckles!”  he exclaimed.  “That was a good one!”

“Hopefully you didn’t hit any airplanes…” Sonic joked, his voice dripping with the sarcasm that flowed from his mouth like the air he breathed.

Knuckles rolled his eyes, but smiled as he absorbed the excitement from the young kit.

The fox whipped his tails through the air, following the red dot on the screen which Knuckles had learned represented the ball which was still out of sight.  He put a hand up to the side of his eyes, blocking the sun as he looked up toward the sky.

“Here it comes!”

The kit zipped a few yards further ahead, his normally small hands protected by two large baseball mitts to protect his hands from the gathering force of the falling ball.  He darted a few feet back, then another couple forward.  A whistle through he brisk air signaled the balls imminent arrival.  Tails slowly lowered his body back to the ground and put out his gloved hands.  The football plummeted from the air landing with a large smack in the middle.  His tails began to wag excitedly.

“Got another one!” he squeaked.  

His small arm pulled back and tossed the football back to Knuckles who waited with an amused smile.  “Good job, brother.” he praised which caused the kit to twirl his tails up around his face.

“Nice job!” Sonic exclaimed.  “Now…my turn!  See if you can throw it to the next city over this time!”

The echidna shook his head and smirked.  A tickle hit his nose again but he huffed it back, his nose twitching with the attempt.

“I hope you’re ready, hedgehog.”

“I was born ready…”

“Ok, Sonic…you want some wine with that cheese?” the fox quipped causing a mound of dirt to be tossed in his direction. ��Tails squealed and dodged, a giggle erupting.

“Sonic…are you paying attention?” Knuckles scolded, rolling his eyes at the distracted hedgehog.  Sonic looked up from his fluffy target just ahead of him.

“Yeah, of course.  Why?”

“Because I already threw it.”

Sonic’s eyes widened at his oldest brother’s empty hands.

“Oh, crap!”  And with a blast of wind and a spray of dirt the speedster was gone.

“Wow…good one, Knuckles.” Tails giggled.  “How far do you think you threw it?”

Knuckles smirked, a glint in his eyes.  “Not very far…” and pulled the ball out from behind him, tossing it lightly in his hands.

Tails burst into laughter, falling to the ground and rolling.  “Oh my goodness!” he exclaimed, tears rolling down his cheeks.  “How long do you think it will take him to realize you never threw it in the first place?”

“Not very long…” 

Sonic stood in front of them, unamused.  There were sticks in his quills and dirt in his fur as he glared at Knuckles.  The echidna huffed in amusement.  “What happened to you?”

“I looked through the forest for a ball that didn’t exist…that’s what happened to me.” the hedgehog answered flatly.

“Even Ozzie isn’t fooled by that trick…” the kit teased.

“Alright, Tails…I thought you were supposed to be on my side…”

“Only when it’s not hysterically funny!”

“Traitor…”

“Achoo!”

Knuckles quickly covered his nose with his gloves, rubbing quickly at the tickle to try and quell another.  Both younger brothers looked at him at the sound.  Sonic’s annoyed gaze turned into concern.  “Alright, bud…it’s getting late.  How ‘bout we go inside.  I need to clean up anyway…”

“But I’m…”

“…not sick…yeah…sure…we got it…” Sonic finished, shaking his head.

Tails shivered slightly as the air cooled with the beginning of the sun set.  “It’s getting chilly anyway.  Come on, Knuckles, let’s go inside.”

The echidna huffed his feigned displeasure but secretly was relieved with the suggestion to find warmth.  He was feeling a little chilled as the day transitioned to early evening.  Without another sound he followed his brothers into the warm house, giving his nose another rub for good measure.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Knuckles was coughing.

He sputtered and tried to pull down the sounds erupting from his throat as he clenched his eyes.  Tears pooled at the bottom of his eyes as he tried to suppress the hacking that flared from his chest.

His arm tightened on the stack of boxes he was holding on his shoulder, causing the cardboard to fold and reform under his strength as he calmed the spasms, his free hand pushing pressure against his lungs.

“Hey, pal, you alright?”  

He turned, blinking back the moisture gathering in his eyes, until he met Tom’s concerned stare.

“I am well, Tom” he answered through his strained voice.  “I just…breathed some dust.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.”

Tom moved closer, shifting his box to the other arm so he could place a hand on Knuckles’ shoulder.

“I can finish the rest by myself if you need to rest.”

The echidna swallowed down the remaining spasms and met Tom’s gaze with a hard one of his own.  “I am well.” he answered, voice clipped, eyes narrowed.

“Ok, big guy…” Tom replied, taking a step back with his free hand up in surrender.  “Just let me know if you need a break.”

Knuckles returned his stare with a curt nod, causing Tom to take a few more steps back and make his way out the side door to the garage.

Guilt settled in his already tight chest at Tom’s reaction to his reply.  He had not meant to hurt the man.  The frustration was at himself.  The tickle in his nose had moved to a tickle in his throat the next day.  

He had promised Tom that he would help the patriarch move things that remained unused from the confines of their basement to the garage.  When he had woken with the congestion in his nose now trying to move to his throat he knew this task would be more difficult than he had thought.  But he had no intention on stopping.  He, of course, was much stronger than the head of the house and would help finish the task if only to take stress from the man who treated him so well.

He tightened his arm around the heavy stack of boxes perched on his shoulder and continued his trek to the garage.  Another tickle formed at his throat and he pushed it down, refusing to let it progress.

When he arrived at his destination he slowly lowered his burden to the ground where Tom had indicated.  He leaned backward, stretching his muscles that felt suspiciously achy after such a menial task.  His breath being held at the action caused another eruption of sputters and coughs.  He narrowed his eyes at the betrayal of his own body.

He felt Tom come up behind him and pat his back gently which, to his surprise, did help soothe the spasms.  He cleared his throat a couple of times and turned.

“You are sure you aren’t getting sick, bud?” he asked.  Knuckles tried to not get annoyed.  He knew the man was just being kind.

“No.” he answered curtly.

Tom frowned before patting his back a few more times and standing.

Knuckles sighed, which caused him to have to suppress another tickle.  “I am sorry, Tom.  I am fine.  It is just the dust and cool air.”

Tom gave him an unconvinced look, but, to Knuckles’ relief, dropped the subject.  

“Alright, kid.”  he answered.  The man stood and ruffled the quills on top of Knuckles’ head.  “I think we only have a few more trips.  Ready to finish up?”

Knuckles nodded earnestly and forced a small smile across his lips.  And without another word he made his way back to the basement to finish his task.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Knuckle groaned as he rolled to his side, pulling the blanket clutched in his ungloved palm along for the ride.  He sniffled, rotating his aching nose into his pillow to dry the traitorous moisture.  His throat tightened and his lungs erupted in coughs, causing his chest to ache.  He swallowed against the tickle, wincing at the gravelly pain in his throat.

A cool wash cloth was placed on his forehead causing his whole body to shiver at the contact.

“Take a deep breath, hon.” his matriarch soothed.  Her soft words lead to him swallowing down his next spasm, closing his eyes against the light streaming from the bulbs in the ceiling.

He had awoken this morning feeling like he had come out the loser in a tough fight.  His muscles ached.  His throat burned.  His nose tickled.  He huffed, pushing back another sneeze.

The cool rag was moved and dabbed across his face causing him to pull his fist up and bat at the attempt at comfort.

“I am alright.” he ground out, his voice rough, causing his throat to ache.

The sigh from above caused him to rotate his head, his squinted eye viewing the exasperated face of Maddie as she pulled the rag back to her lap.

“Baby, you are not alright.”

Another series of coughs were expelled from his lungs and he pulled his head back to be buried in the blanket.

“Warriors do not get sick.” he whispered, his eyes closing against the throbbing pain in his head.  

“Hon…I think we are beyond that.” her soft voice answered with a hint of amusement at his declaration.  A frustrated growl began to build in his throat, causing the spasming to resume.  Once his body was back under his control he narrowed his eyes, angry at his own weakness.

Through his coughing he hadn’t noticed that Maddie had scooted closer, her fingers running lightly through his quills.  ”Honey, I don’t think you can deny it any longer.  Your throat hurts, you have a fever…sweetie…you’re sick.”

Knuckles clenched his eyes against her words and pulled the blanket further over his head in protest.  He allowed himself to sink further into his bed, descending into his misery.

And despite his annoyance, despite his anger, despite his protests he had to begrudgingly admit that she was right.  Another groan left his throat at the admittance.  And yet, the admission was almost freeing.

Why was he fighting it so hard?  When he was alone being sick was a liability, a danger.  But he wasn’t alone anymore.  He was safe.  He was warm.  He was protected.

She let out a soft laugh at his attempt at denial, knowing it was more like a tough acknowledgement at his sad state.  He felt her place her soft hand on his face through the blanket he remained buried in.

“Is that a yes?” she asked with a smile.

He let out a reluctant sigh, then let his head nod lightly, just enough to acknowledge her words without his head exploding in pain.

“OK, then.” she answered sweetly.  “And as the family healer it is my job to take care of you.  Will you let me?”

Another huff, but he nodded.

“Well alright then.” she said softly.  She pulled his blanket down gently, revealing his disheveled quills and planted a kiss to his forehead.  He found himself leaning into it.  She once again placed the cool rag on his head and this time he allowed it.

Her hand found is arm and she began running her fingertips over his burning skin, causing his tension to soothe.  He found himself once again turning his glassy gaze towards her and was immediately met with her warm smile.

Another soft huff released as his eyelids began to feel heavy.  At her beckoning he rotated his body slowly back towards her, snuggling his muzzle into her lap.  She adjusted his pillow to cradle his aching head and aid in his comfort.  Her fingers once again found his head and her fingers began threading through his fur causing him to admit a rough purr at her touch.

“Rest.” she whispered.  “I’ve got you.”

His eyes fell shut, body relaxing into her gentle touches.

And as he let himself drift off to her hum of a soft lullaby he couldn’t help but admit.  Being sick wasn’t so bad when you had a family to take care of you.

@year-of-the-echidna

[momentsbeforemass]

Christmas Joy?

Thinking up the worst possible outcome.

Maybe even two or three or more ways that it can go wrong. And then getting stuck thinking about them.

It’s one of my least useful skills.

Especially when it comes to imagining how someone is going to respond to something hard. Or how a difficult situation is going to work out.

If you’re like me, then you know how this “skill” can really run you through the wringer. Long before anything has actually happened. Much less anything bad.

One of the worst ways that this plays out? With other people. Especially people we don’t really know. When we have to rely on what someone has told us about them.

Probably the most obvious (and most damaging) example of this is with God.

Here’s why I say that. We live in a culture that’s created a lot of versions of God that are horrible.

And it’s not just people who supposedly hate God. Some of the people who proclaim their faith the loudest proudly show off their petty, vengeful, resentful, hateful versions of God.

So it’s really no surprise that even people who don’t horrible-ize things imagine the worst possible outcomes from any interaction with God. They’ve been given every reason to get stuck thinking about God that way. They’ve been given every reason to stay away.

Except the truth.

Today’s Gospel (Matthew 1:1-25) gives the names of the Son of God – Jesus and Emmanuel.

Jesus means “God saves.” It tells us what God will do through Jesus, and how God works.

Emmanuel means “God with us.” It tells us who Jesus is, and what’s in God’s heart.

That’s the truth about God. How do we know that’s really the truth about God?

Because that’s what plays out in the Incarnation. In the pattern of redemption that runs from Christmas through Good Friday to Easter.

God saves. And He does it by being who He is, by being God with us.

The thing to know is how God does it.

God doesn’t save us begrudgingly. God isn’t the God of “if-I-have-to.”

God doesn’t save us judgmentally (although some of God’s noisiest alleged followers want Him to be). God isn’t the God of condemnation.

So how does God do it?

Isaiah tells us in the first reading (Isaiah 62:1-5), and it has zero to do with anything about what you and I have done. Or how far we’ve wandered. Or how much we don’t fit in someone else’s messed up version God.

Here’s the truth. And it’s the source of the joy of Christmas.

God looks at you and loves you.

God looks at you and gets excited about being with you.

God delights in you.

This Christmas, may God fill your heart with the joy that comes from knowing just how much you mean to Him.

Readings for Christmas Eve

[ryopromoter]

ryo making silly faces on live television part one

[howifeltabouthim]

I wish I didn't love her, she wrote one day. You can't unlove someone, I wrote. You can only hate them.

Lisa Taddeo, from Animal

[lucydacusgirl]

i wish swimming was something you could do alone in your bedroom.

[lesamis]

are you a Byron or Wilde apologist?

concerned citizens from 1895 are messaging me

[girlzoot]

As a thirty-year-old adult, sitting in Ummi’s kitchen, listening to her tell me these stories, I still felt like a child. I had lived on my own since I was nineteen, but I spent years feeling intimidated by her and one link away from being close to her. Figuring out the right thing to say that wouldn’t sound disgruntled or begrudging was a challenge, because I was both at the time. —N. Jamiyla Chisholm/The Community: A Memoir

[lizardsmp3]

it does kind of kill me that dapgo is the forgotten child because we really don’t go back to this photo enough, societally. unspeakable levels of dead wife in a movie. feels like i shouldn’t even be seeing this

[the-muppet-joker]

I have been bailed out of Real Jail. Whoopsie Doodle on my part! Did not know dueling people in the street with knives was Disorderly Conduct!

[evast]

Back on bg3 again

[lynn-tged-posting]

it's ok javier nothing wrong with that

from this

[automatonwithautonomy]

it doesnt matter if theyre in love because they love each other. do you understand. do you get it.

[momentsbeforemass]

What makes a truly great gift?

What makes a truly great gift?

Cost? Sentimental value? One-of-a-kind? They’ll use it every day? There’s always the cliché – “it’s the thought that counts.”

I struggle with what makes a truly great gift. But I do know how to ruin any gift.

Give it begrudgingly. With an attitude of “fine, if I have to.”

That kind of giving will turn the most amazing, unique, thoughtful gift into garbage.

I don’t know about you, but I would rather get nothing, than have something given to me begrudgingly. I’m not alone in that feeling.

If I do get something that was given begrudgingly, unless I can give it to a parish auction, it’s going straight into the trash.

The thing is, a lot of us have that idea about God’s gift of forgiveness.

That God doesn’t really want to forgive us. And if God actually does forgive us, it’s done begrudgingly.

Because we did something super Catholic. Or met some arcane requirement to receive an indulgence. Basically, we backed God into a corner with His own rules. And now He has to forgive us.

If that’s how it works, it’s unhealthy. To say the least. Why would you want anything to do with something that messed up?

Thank God that’s not how it works!

The thing to know about God is that God isn’t waiting for you to do something super Catholic or to meet some arcane requirement, before He forgives you. God’s waiting for half an excuse to forgive you.

Like a being genuinely sorry for about hurting someone. And asking for forgiveness.

A change of heart. That’s all God’s waiting for.

Because God’s approach to forgiveness is kind of the opposite of begrudging. We see it in today’s first reading,

“Who is there like you, the God who removes guilt and pardons sin? Who does not persist in anger but delights in clemency?”

Translation - You want to see God light up with joy? Ask for forgiveness.

Today’s Readings

[vakariaan]

ultimate ships challenge - [4/6] period drama ships

Tom/Sybil  »  Downton Abbey

Bet on me.

[howifeltabouthim]

This is hard for me to write. These words come hard to me; each one begins as a stone in my mouth.

Siri Hustvedt, from The Blazing World