#being able to practice and push through stuff and prepare for performances and get nervous backstage and make friends...

[writernada]

10 Times Yuzuru Hanyu Was Inspiring

Yuzuru Hanyu (26 years old) is a Japanese figure skater. He is a two-time Olympic champion, two- time World champion, Four Continent champion, four times Grand Prix Final champion and five times national champion. He is the only male skater that has achieved a grand slam (won all major competitions in both junior and senior circus). In 2018, he won the People's Honor Award given by the Japanese Prime Minister and became the youngest recipient of this award. He also won the award of the most valuable skater at the International Skating Union Awards for the season 2019-2020. Since his debut in the senior circus in 2011-2012 and until now, Yuzuru's performances have always made a great impact on the audience; allowing him to have the biggest fan base ever in the history of figure skating. His fans are not only from Japan but from all around the world; including other skaters and coaches. The reason behind all of this love is that Yuzuru touches the hearts by performing like an artist, hitting every note, being super passionate about what he does and combining a competitive spirit with a sport soul. On top of all of that, he has an ability to inspire people. His road has never been easy. It is full of injuries, surgeries, illnesses, strong competitors, mistakes and losses. However, he always perserves, pushes through his limits, overcomes adversity and rises in an inspiring way.

Here are the ten times Yuzuru Hanyu was an icon of inspiration:

1- Winning his first medal in the World Championship in 2012 despite having an injury and low stamina.

In his debut in the World championship (senior circus) in 2012, Yuzuru (17) sprained his right ankle during the official practice the day before the short program. His foot swelled up but he decided not to withdraw, taking into account all the effort he has made for this competition and all the people who came here for him (coach, mom and officials). He went ahead and competed. He was ranked seventh in the short program, third in the free program and third overall, winning the bronze medal.

Yuzuru commented on that competition in his autobiography book "Aoi Hono ll":

"Because I was injured the day before the short, I felt that even in that kind of situation 'I landed my quad, I did well’. I felt that I had worked really hard by myself. However, my mother told me, "That is wrong.” Getting injured was my own fault, but there were many people who helped and supported me. That is the reason why I could come to this point. Until about 9 o'clock that night, we were talking about this while having dinner, and in the end, I realized that my thinking was wrong."

Yuzuru was about to get full of himself and let arrogance take over him. However, his mother helped him stay grounded. Thus, he was able to face the free program with a humble attitude. He put out a passionate performance that many people still remember until this day and consider as one of their favorites. During that performance, he tried not to put a lot of pressure on the injured foot so he shifted all the pressure on the other one until it got exhausted and gave up on him. As a result, he fell all of a sudden in the middle of the performance, but he managed to get up right away and perform a great jump right after.

In his autobiography book that was mentioned earlier, Yuzuru talked about this fall and said: "Later, when I watched the videos, I saw that the fall did not take up much time. I was standing up again quickly. But to me, it felt like a long time. When I fell, the feeling was like flying mid-air. Like this (he re-enacts the fall in slow motion), 'ahh, I am stumbling~~’ (laughs). After the fall, I was thinking 'what should I do from here’, many thoughts circled around. Thinking that I won’t make it in time for the next axel jump, I shortened the path by going straight instead of curved. I can jump even a 3A+3A (in practice), so I thought I will be alright. (laughs)”.

One of the most exciting moments during the performance is when Yuzuru shouted out aloud before the choreographic sequence. The shout seemed like a great expression of the emotions of his character (Romeo). It made him look like he was totally into character. However, he clarified that it was unintentional. He said: "I felt like I couldn’t breathe, so I thought, for now just let the breath out. (laughs)"

Yuzuru is known to be suffering from asthma and because of it he had a low stamina at the time. However, even after finding out that the shout wasn't done to express the character's emotions, viewers still find it impactful because it is a genuine expression of Yuzuru's fight against his limits.

That night, Yuzuru made a name for himself internationally. He shed tears of happiness after getting his scores and so did his coach. He also got praised by the winner that night who said: "the one shining the most is Yuzuru".

2-  Breaking a World Record and winning gold in his first participation in the winter Olympic Games.

At the age of 19, Yuzuru participated for the first time in the Olympic Games. Young male skaters like him who participate for the first time usually don't dare to dream about winning. The big scale of the competition gets athletes nervous and shaken, even the great and experienced ones of them. Therefore, the young newcomers usually consider their first participation as an experience to have under their belt while preparing for the next Olympic. However, Yuzuru was determind to win. His choreographer at the time, David Wilson, talked about his intense determination in an interview: "he wrote me an email letter that was so touching. He was like please help me do this because I'm ready. I'll do anything. I will die. I'll do anything to be the Olympic Champion. I don't want to wait until 2018. I want it now and I'll do anything. I'm willing to die for it. Anything you tell me, I'll do it but help me."

David Wilson talking about Yuzuru's determination to win the 2014 Olympics

Yuzuru performed a marvelous short program and came out of the rink saying: "I did it!" to which his coach replied: "you certainly did". He broke the world record in his first participation at the Olympics despite his young age. He did get nervous and made mistakes at the free program. However, what he did in the short program was enough to bring him the gold medal and make him achieve his childhood dream.

Yuzuru (11) saying that his dream is to win the Olympics

Yuzuru performing his short program at the 2014 Olympics:

Other Skaters reacting to Yuzuru's World Record at the Olympics:

The moment when Yuzuru finds out he won the  2014 Olympics:

3- Continuing to compete after a pretty bad collusion with another skater during Cup of China 2014:

In 2014, Yuzuru took part in Cup of China, which is one of the events of the Grand Prix Series. Yuzuru was in second place after the short program and during the 6 minuets warm up before the long program he had an accident. He collided with the Chinese skater Han Yan. They were looking at opposite sides and couldn't see each other until it was too late.

Yuzuru talked about the incident in his autobiography book and said: "My stomach hit the ice (when I fell) and so it felt like I received a body blow. My stomach was hurting so much; I could not breathe nor get up. Then, when I tried standing up, my chin was hurting and bleeding. My head was panicking and I didn’t know exactly where all the pain was coming from."

After a few minutes, Yuzuru stood up on his own despite the arrival of medical helpers. He preferred to exit the rink on his own instead of being carried. Backstage, he was examined and given first aid by American doctors.

The Collusion incident at CoC 2014:

In his biography book, Yuzuru gave some details about what happened backstage after the incident:

"I really gave a lot of trouble to the people around me. They told me ‘Don’t compete’. The doctors also said, 'It is not a concussion, so it is possible to skate but we do not recommend it.’Coach Orser also said, 'Now you don’t need to be a hero. You still have more after this, you still can do a lot as a skater.’But 'it has nothing to do with that. I will skate because I want to go to GP Final.’ I think I might have said that to him in Japanese. I wanted to go to the Final somehow. Here, 5th or 4th place is good enough, I can get 1st place in the next competition, so for now I just want to remain connected. If I compete at GPF, I definitely want to have a second consecutive victory. I also want to win the triple crown again (Worlds, GPF, Nationals). I had those kind of thoughts. Now when I look back I think, 'ah I skated well’."

Yuzuru decided to skate his free program and the people around him respected his decision and allowed him to go. He made sure to meet Han Yan before competing again and they exchanged apologies. After that, Yuzuru showed up in the rink with a bandage on his head and a small band on his chin. He skated his free program bravely after making some changes on the layout to adjust to his condition. He fell on five jumps but did full rotations and got grades for that. He also was able to land some jumps in the latter half of the program, which got him extra points. After the performance, his coach Orser was worried about his feelings if he gets a bad score for falling five times so he was preparing him mentally by saying stuff like: "scores don't matter. What matter is what you did out there" but it turned out Orser had nothing to worry about as Yuzuru received a high score. Yuzuru was so surprised and relieved when he saw his score and he burst into tears after holding on for a long time. He won the silver medal in that event.

Yuzuru performing his free program and receiving his score at CoC 2014:

After the competition, American doctors prepared the massage room to do stitches for Yuzuru. He received 7 stitches on his chin with anesthetics and 3 staples on his head without any anesthetics, which was really painful to him! The next day, he traveled to Japan for a medical examination in a trip that he described as hell. The result of the examination was "head contusion (or bruise), chin contusion, abdominal contusion, left thigh contusion and right ankle sprain’.

For ten days, Yuzuru was unable to walk and the recovery took more time than expected. Every time he finds himself able to walk, he would go to the rink, but once he steps his foot into the rink the pain comes back. He thought that he would never be able to skate again, felt so depressed and wanted to quit skating all together. However, his mother told him "how about just giving it a try anyway? If you skate just a little on the ice every day with the intention of rehabilitation, the situation may change for the better" her response surprised him because she never tried to stop him from quitting in the past whenever he said he wanted to quit. With that new attitude of his mother, Yuzuru became optimistic about being able to skate again, and found the willpower to try and even aim to win at the next competition of the Grand Prix Series, which was NHK.

At NHK, Unfortunately, Yuzuru wasn't able to present great performances and once he finished his free program he thought to himself: "ah, the final is gone!" he thought that all his efforts in Cup of China were for nothing, but luckily, the total of his points combined from the two competitions made him the last qualified skater for the final. Thus, he was able to take part in the final, presented great performnces and won the gold medal after all the struggles he went through.

4- Winning at Nationals 2014 despite bleeding and needing a surgery:

After the short program at the Grand Prix Final, Yuzuru felt some kind of pain in his stomach whenever he stretched or pressed on it. He thought that it must be a damage in the muscle tissue but after the free program, he found something that looks like a Ping Pong ball sticking out beneath his navel. It was so painful to the extent that he couldn't sleep on his flight back to Japan. When he landed, he went to the hospital right away and was told that he might have Urachal Remnant Disorder. He was given some antibiotic and sent home because his condition wasn't bad. However, once he returned home, and got into the shower, his navel burst and started bleeding. He went back to the hospital and it was confirmed that he has Urachal Remnant. He needed to undergo a surgery but he couldn't afford to have it any time soon because the Japanese national competition (All Japan) was a few weeks away. He was determined to attend it so he decided to bear with the pain and delay the surgery. Without telling anybody about his problem, he attended his trainings after wrapping himself with gauze to prevent blood from staining his clothes. That didn't work out well and blood still got to his clothes so when it was time for the competition, he was worried that his costume might get stained. To prevent that from happening, he put a strong tape on top of the gauze, which was painful, but did the job. In this condition, Yuzuru took part in the Japanese national competition, and despite a few mistakes in both of his programs, his endurance of pain didn't go in vain, and he actually won.

Yuzuru commented about this situation in his book by saying: "It was painful to bend forward and backward, but I tried to do whatever I could in that situation. I even did the Ina bauer, but I could not arch back at all. In fact, I also intended to do the biellmann spin! However, when I started the spin, I changed it into an A-line"

Yuzuru performing his free program and putting his hand on his stomach while leaving the ice during All Japan 2014:

5-  Rising from fifth place to first in the World Championships 2017:

At the World Championship in 2017, Yuzuru made some mistakes in the short program that left him sitting in fifth place behind his rivals. The gap between him and the first place was around 11 points. He was so disappointed in himself but didn't give up. He wanted to go practice harder. However, his coaches stopped him from overworking himself and made sure that he takes a good rest and goes through a normal practice. After that, he collected himself, focused, stayed calm and presented one of the greatest performances ever. It was flawless and magnificent. His coach Brian Orser said that he felt privileged to have witnessed this performance. Yuzuru got a very high score that made him scream and left him on the verge of shedding happy tears. His coach Brian Orser was speechless while his other coach Tracy Wilson had her mouth wide open in astonishment. With that, Yuzuru was able to rise from fifth place to first and win the championship.

Yuzuru performing his free program and receiving his score at the WC 2017:

6- Winning the second Olympic title right after being away from the ice for 3 months due to a severe injury:

Before the beginning of the Olympic season, Yuzuru was done with his preparation very early and was all ready to compete. His coach Brian Orser couldn't believe how smoothly things were going and felt a little uneasy about the fact that Yuzuru was ready very early. His worry wasn't pointless because soon enough Yuzuru sustained a severe injury. It happened during the official practice before NHK. Yuzuru was practicing (4Lutz) which was a new jump he has been practicing that season. He landed the jump in a wrong way causing ligament damage to his right ankle. The injury forced him out of competition for the rest of the season.

Yuzuru's fall and injury at NHK 2017:

Yuzuru disappeared and was away from the ice for three months. During that time, he didn't make any T.V appearances or interviews. Thus, nobody knew anything about him and his condition. His participation in the Olympics and the mere ability to perform again became uncertain. A lot of people doubted he would be able to comeback. However, he showed up at Incheon Airport in South Korea surrounded by guards and declared that he was ready to compete and that he believes he has the potential to win more than any other skater. After that, he avoided talking to the press until the end of the competition.

Yuzuru's arrival at Incheon Airport to participate at the 2018 Olympics:

According to his coach, Brian Orser, Yuzuru returned to the ice only six weeks before the Olympics and had to relearn everything and take baby steps to be able to perform again. He was practicing strokes, single and double jumps while watching his training mate and rival, Javier Fernandez, do a full run through of his programs with triples and quads. Yuzuru was able to land triples only three weeks before the Olympics and started landing quads just two weeks before the Olympics.

During the official open practice before the competition, Yuzuru made sure not to reveal his abilities and current condition nor his planned layout. He simply did some strokes and single jumps then left the rink. He chose his layout after studying his rivals and calculating how many points he would potentially need to win. He did his calculations on an app that he developed as part of his studies at the university.

In the short program segment, Yuzuru put out a great performance that was so close to the world record (which he holds). He won first place at this segment. Seeing the results, he felt relieved and assured so he allowed himself to reduce the difficulty of his free program. He was one-step away from winning the Olympics again. He needed to put out another great performance during the free program, and fortunately, that's exactly what he did. He performed a memorable free program filled with emotions, and once he finished, he screamed: "I won. I won!" which was true! He became the first skater to win the Olympics consecutively in 66 years.

Yuzuru's free program at the 2018 Olympics:

The moment that Yuzuru is announced as the winner of the 2018 Olympics:

7- Receiving the gold medal on crutches during Rostelecom Cup 2018:

After winning the Olympics, Yuzuru decided to pay tribute to his role models in figure skating; the Russian legend Evgeny Plushenko and the American Johnny Weir. He chose one of Plushenko's programs as his free program and one of Weir's as his short. He adapted the programs to his own style but still kept some touches from the original ones. Since it was a tribute, he decided to perform his free program in the hometown of his Russian idol and in front of his people. That is why he chose to participate in Rostelecom Cup, which is one of the events of the Grand Prix Series, and is held in Russia. He performed a great short program and everything was going well until he injured his right foot again during the practice before the free program. He was advised to withdraw. However, he absolutely wanted to perform his tribute to the Russian legend, Plushenko, in Russia. He has prepared a lot for this performance and came all the way to Russia to do it so he didn't want all of that to be pointless. He decided to take strong painkillers and perform his free program. He lowered the difficulty of the program and then presented a great performance in front of the Russian crowd that brought him the gold medal. After the performance, he started moving on crutches and admitted that without the painkillers, he wouldn't have been able to skate. He received the gold medal that night on crutches with fans cheering for him and holding up signs that says: "Yuzu we love you from all over the world".

Yuzuru receiving the gold medal on crutches at Rostelecom 2018:

8- Conquering his fears during the season of 2019-2020:

Yuzuru has suffered from a lot of injuries throughout his career. More than once, he thought that he is facing the end of his career because of an injury. Therefore, his main goal during the season of 2019-2020 was to finish the season without injuries. He finished his first two competitions safely and arrived at Japan to participate in NHK, which was his second Grand Prix assignment. Many of his injuries happened in his second GP event and he was conscious about this fact. He was afraid of getting hurt again and was visibly shaking before the beginning of his free program. As a result of his nervousness he missed a combination. However, he pulled himself together and improvised a new combination to recover the points he missed. He thought of the new combination, calculated its points and made sure that it's not repeated all while performing amazingly. Once he came out of the rink, his coach Ghislain gave him a hug and said: "You know what? You conquered your fear!".

Yuzuru shaking before performing his free program at NHK 2019 + full performance:

Yuzuru continued to overcome his fears in the final of the Grand Prix. He was setting in second place after the short program and the gap of points between him and his rival was big. He felt that winning may not be possible this time; nonetheless, he still wanted to do his best and give a respectable performance. He decided to raise the number of quad jumps in his program to five for the first time ever in his career. In addition, he declared that he will bring back the quad Lutz, which is the jump that caused his injury before the 2018 Olympics. It's a jump that he never dared to perform again in competitions since that incident. However, he overcame his fear and performed a flawless quad Lutz during the free program with four other quad jumps in the GPF, challenging not only his fear, but also his stamina that has always been an obstacle for him. He did not win the gold medal, but won his own fight against his fears and limits as well as the hearts and respect of the audience.

Yuzuru performing quad Lutz+ full performance of the free program at GPF2019:

9- Winning the bronze medal in the World Championship 2021 despite an asthma attack and many other hurdles.

During the 2020-2021 season, the whole world was going through struggles because of Corona Virus and Yuzuru was no exception. He had to train on his own in Japan all year long away from his coaches and physical therapist in Canada. He prepared new programs for the season with his choreographers by receiving videos and training accordingly without any supervision. During the season, his hometown was struck by an earthquake twice. The last struck happened right before he traveled to Stockholm to participate in the WC. According to him, the inside of his home was a mess and he couldn't use the train to go to Tokyo and board the plane as planned. As a result, he arrived to Stockholm one day later than planned, thus, he had to change his training plans as well. However, his coach Brian Oreser said that Yuzuru is not the type of athlete who gets phased by such problems and he was right. Yuzuru did perfect run through of his programs during his official practices. He also performed his lively short program very well and won the small gold medal of the segment.

Yuzuru performing his short program at WC 2021:

Yuzuru was all set to win the World Championship for the third time, but something unexpected happened before the free program. He was supposed to start warming up one hour prior the turn of his group (the last group), but he was nowhere to be seen at the venue until it was almost time for the last group to compete. His coach Brian Orser said that he was worried and didn't know where Yuzuru was. He asked the head of the Japanese team but they simply told him: "He is somewhere else". Brian kept on going back and forth between the rink where two of his students were competing and the warm up area where Yuzuru was supposed to be, but Yuzuru did not show up. After Brian's students finished their turn, it was almost time for Yuzuru's group so Brian went to the locker room to see if Yuzuru was there. Usually, Yuzuru would put his skating boots in the locker room before the six-minuets warm up of his group and Brian would come to carry his tissue box, and then they would head to the rink together. However, Brian didn't find Yuzuru in the locker room. Yuzuru was caught on camera sitting on a chair at the warm up area, resting his head on the wall and looking exhausted while taking off his mask impatiently. At that time, the announcement of Keegan Messing's score from the group before the last one, could be heard in the background.

Yuzuru at the warm up area before skating his free program at the WC 2021:

When Brian finally found Yuzuru at the warm up area, he said that he knew something must have happened to him but he didn't ask him about it. Instead, he tried to encourage him by saying energetically: "Let's go!"

Yuzuru showed up at the rink without styling his hair unlike the norm. He made a lot of mistakes in the first part of his free program as if he was not the same person who did a perfect run through one day ago. He said that he suddenly couldn't find his balance but he did try his best. He explained that with every mistake, he tried to at least not fall. Later on, the Russian media reported that the Russian doctor who was accompanying their team at the competition said that Yuzuru has had an asthma attack right before coming to the venue and has asked for his help. Yuzuru never talked to the media about what happened before the free program and why he was late. When he was asked about his asthma he only admitted to feeling a little asthmatic after the free program. Despite all of that, Yuzuru managed to win the bronze medal and contribute in securing three spots to team Japan at the Olympics.

The mystery of what happened to Yuzuru before the free program would have stayed unsolved if it wasn't for the Russian doctor. The reason is that Yuzuru doesn't like to make excuses for himself. He once said in an old interview that he used to make a lot of excuses for himself when he was young but then he realized that real strong skaters don't do that and that he wouldn't learn anything if he keeps on making excuses. He took the renowned Japanese skater Mao Asada as an example when she competed with a bone fracture without uttering a word about it. That must be the reason why he never takes his asthma as an excuse or talks about it.

10- Achieving his childhood dreams one by one:

Since ever Yuzuru was young he declared that he wants to be the Olympic champion and he wants to land a quad Axel. He went on to achieve his Olympic dream in 2014; making history by being the first Japanese male skater to win an Olympic gold medal ever. However, he said that it’s not over yet because the plan in his head is to win the Olympics twice. He kept on improving himself and walking towards his dream while making a lot of sacrifices and overcoming injuries. At the end, he achieved his dream and made history once again by being the first skater in 66 years to win the gold medal at the Olympics consecutively. He then made a statement saying that he feels happy and that this happiness is what he gets in return to the sacrifices he made. After that, he said that he feels freed from the pressure of having to produce results. Thus, he announced that he is going to skate for himself from then on. It was time for him to start focusing on the other dream of his childhood which was the quad Axel. He made it clear that landing it in a competition is his next goal and didn’t allow himself to get swayed by what others are doing or what competitions he is losing. He stayed focused on his goal and is reported to be getting closer to achieving it.  

Yuzuru's path has never been covered with flowers. It was hard and painful most of the time but yuzuru always turns the pain into success and fulfillment with his perseverance, becoming an icon of inspiration to many people. We wish him a lot of happiness and success in the future.

Translation of Yuzuru's book is from:

https://bit.ly/3vSGgBz

[neocatharsis]

The Brilliant Members of World Renowned NCT 127 Share Their Thoughts Fashion, Music, Lifestyle, Favorite Things… What Their Individual Styles Are　#007 JUNGWOO

Read more https://mensnonno.jp/post/53212

Some Excerpts

What’s the relationship between JUNGWOO’s “appeal” and “confidence”?

MN: To the question, “How would you particularly like to appeal to the readers of this series”, you wrote,“I have yet to show all of what is fascinating about me as a person. There are many appealing sides to me”. Of all those appealing aspects, what are you most proud of?

J: I’m sure many know this by now, but “being sort of cute and lovable” is my strong suit. Because I believe that the fans deeply love that adorable charm I have, I honestly think that “my cuteness” is my strong suit!

MN: How lovely that you feel ‘the part my fans love = my strong suit’. For the question, “What is important to you in expressing yourself and conveying your style as a global artist?”, you wrote,“By far, the most important thing to have is confidence. That is because I believe that with confidence you can achieve anything”. Is it because you value self-confidence that you are able to find yourself to be fascinating?

J: But to be honest, for a while after our debut, I didn’t really have much confidence in myself. So, I was constantly thinking about and wondering “how I could gain confidence” and was always trying to be confident.

MN: For “your favorite motto”, you also wrote,“Be confident and do my best”.

J: Yes. I have also been training to strengthen my mind for a very long time. Even if I may sometimes tend to lose confidence, I tell myself not to, and I have continued to try to overcome these things. At first, I often felt nervous and unsure, but by keeping that in mind, over time, I think I became confident in a natural way.

MN: Even though you say “natural way”, there probably was a tremendous amount of effort that went into it… You told us that you worked very hard to become confident, and now, through that process, from the viewpoint of the performer JUNGWOO of NCT 127, could you kindly share with us what you are able to feel confident about?

J: Personally, I have the most confidence in my performance for the song “Hero; Kick It”. We practiced hard for it, especially since it has been a while since we have been able to present something to our fans. So, how do I say this, it was like ‘sharpening our act’.

MN: Woooooooooooh.

J: It was a deeply awakening feeling preparing for this stage. So, for me, it became a very memorable piece of work.

MN: Was there something that was particularly challenging?

J: I would have to say managing our facial expressions on stage. We were very particular about how we wanted to present our expressions, so we challenged ourselves with many options. I thought about what I was lacking, and I challenged myself to be bolder and more confident. Those were the goals I placed on myself. I’ve always wanted to show my fans how wonderful I can be, but in this case, I wanted to go deeper, beginning with my facial expressions, so I prepared much more differently and with creativity.

MN: You are the seventh person to be featured in this series, JUNGWOO-san, but all the members up to now have pushed with confidence “Hero; Kick It” as their most recommended NCT 127 song. Perhaps we can say that it was that challenging for all of you, and that what you felt, as well as your self-assessments, was in line with one another. As each member responded with the same song one after another, you could feel a strong sense of accomplishment that is shared within the group.

J: I agree with that. The song “Hero” is a powerful song, and so a lot of practice and preparation went into it. I think that it is very NCT 127 and expresses our personality more than ever. On top of that, we were confident that the fans would love the song. Our fans tend to love our individuality and our unique “color”, so we thought this was the perfect song.

NCT 127 is like a chameleon?

MN: You mentioned the word “color”, but to the question, “What do you feel is the “coolness” of NCT 127, you responded,“To impress and share empathy with our fans, and show them our unique “color”. If you were to share something that is truly your “NCT127 color”, what would that be?

J: Regardless of the type of song or genre, we are a team that has the power to absorb whatever it is, like a chameleon! To continue to express genres across the board; I believe that is the best of our team when it comes to “color” and strength!

MN: Right from the opening, you mentioned the metaphor “Yairo-Bird”. You seem to have a very colorful image when it comes to yourself as well as your group and its activities, JUNGWOO-san. Now then, let’s share with the readers that ever-changing chameleon attitude that challenges all types of songs. Could you recommend any MVs other than “Hero; Kick It”?

J: Yes! There’s a song called “Punch” that I would like to recommend first. It was released after “Hero; Kick It” and it was part of a re-package album. It is really a strong and powerful song. In addition, even in the visuals our personality shines through. It is a very well put together piece and I love it. Another one is a song called “Highway to Heaven”. The music video has a wide open feeling and is amazing, and it is a song that suits us very well. So, I would like to recommend these two songs.

MN: It certainly is a song with a completely different feel. You can see how you challenge different tastes.

J: Yes! Exactly! I wish we could ask everyone what they would like to see about NCT 127, too.

MN: You’re sure to have a bunch of different responses.

As a global artist, what have you found meaningful?

MN: When you’re being creative while also constantly challenging yourselves, teamwork is imperative. Could you share with us exactly what NCT 127 means to you, JUNGWOO-san?

J: We members are family as well as a team. We all make up for what each of us lacks and what we need, which unite us as one strong team. We are all there to help each other to be our best. In that way, our individual personalities and virtues work together like a synergistic effect…. creating synergy, and I believe it further enhances NCT 127’s “color” so-to-speak. I hope more people will get to know this about us.

MN: Listening to what you have to say, JUNGWOO-san, our image of the group becomes even more colorful. Speaking of complementing one another, in what way in particular do you feel the members help you out?

J: Oh, that begins with song and dance, all the basic stuff, I know I am being supported and helped by all the members. And not only for our performances, but also, for example, I feel that the parts in which I have no confidence, the other members are right there to jump in and help out. We talk things out and I get advice on what I feel I am lacking. In that way, I am able to discover what I need to improve on from a different angle than I would have on my own. Thus, they give me a lot of insight and make me think. That’s the kind of role they play for me.

MN: For the question, “What do you think has had the most impact on you as a global artist?”, you responded,“By being able to share what is appealing about us to all the different fans around the world, I feel that it has given us an opportunity to become even sharper”. Does the presence of your fans help you, JUNGWOO-san, to have confidence when it comes to your “appeal”, as mentioned earlier?

J: This is something I’ve felt as we’ve traveled around the world, but the reaction from the fans differs depending on where we are. Even so, everywhere we go, the fans welcome us with such enthusiasm, making us feel, “wow, we really are loved”, and we’re so moved by their passion as we tour the world. As we go to places for the first time and see all the fans for the first time, it is touching to know that they actually listen to our songs and are able to relate to us in such a way. Their reaction also differs depending on the atmosphere of the songs. It has to be because they diligently listen to each and every one of our songs. They sing together with us, and it means a lot to me when I feel like, “ahhh, so we can interact and relate to each other through the songs in this way”. That has left a powerful impression on me.

What triggered you to start singing and dancing?

MN: And now you perform on the global stage, but what is it that made you wind up loving to sing and dance?

J: The first time I became fascinated by singing and dancing was through a movie. I was in the junior high and it was a movie called “Step Up”. It was very popular at the time and everyone around me was crazy about it. The characters in the movie were portrayed doing all these really cool dance moves. That’s when I thought, “Wow, I would like to dance like that, too.” So, I started taking dance lessons. Through taking lessons, I was naturally exposed to all kinds of music, and that’s how I became fascinated with music.

MN: That’s true, learning to dance also means you come in contact with music.

J:“Exactly. I seek out and listen to a wider variety of music than before I began dance lessons, and regardless of genre, whether it’s HIP HOP, the trending songs in the US, jazz, etc… by listening to a whole range of songs on an even scale, my love for the music itself has grown deeper and deeper, and that’s how I developed a desire to sing and dance.

MN: That makes a lot of sense. So, the flow is that you then became a trainee at your agency?

J: Yes. My desire to continue to sing and dance became stronger, and so I decided to audition. I was lucky enough to join a major company like SM (SM ENTERTAINMENT＝NCT 127’s agency), but thinking back now, “My dream really has come true,” which is an enchanting feeling. I have the confidence to say that I will continue loving to sing and dance even more, and that’s the kind of person I want to become.

What fascinating person, piece of work, words have had an impact on you?

MN: Your desire to do more as a performer comes through. To the question, “What kind of adult do you want to become in the future?”, your answer was,“To become a cool adult. I’m still searching”. You mentioned earlier that you did not have confidence in yourself, but this comment feels like you are now looking forward to the future you. What kind of person is the “cool adult” to you, JUNGWOO-san?

J: To me, an adult that is cool is someone who has integrity, works hard at and continues to work towards a goal, and is able to be a good role model for others. Someone who does their best with what they have been given and are passionate about everything. That’s the type of adult I think is super cool”

MN: Do you have a specific role model of the kind of person you want to be like?

J: Well that role model would have to be our senior artist BoA! Of course she’s a senior artist from the same agency, but more than that, watching her pour her passion into her music and the love she has for singing and dancing, without skipping a beat for 20 years… This is truly inspiring. That is why I plan to continue to cheer her on with as much passion as I can round up, and I also hope to be a senior artist to my junior artists in the same as BoA has been for us. I want to become an adult that will give it his all.

MN: To the question, “What culture has had an impact on you?”, you wrote,“I watched ‘The Devil Wears Prada’ with deep interest. It made me feel that nothing is impossible to achieve.” In the same way as “Step Up”, it seems that movies have had an impact on your mindset and behavior.

J: You can see from the main character of that movie [editorial staff note: An editorial assistant of a fashion magazine], that she is really passionate about everything she works on. No matter what anyone says to her or about her, she’s going to achieve what she believes in and what she intends to do. That really struck me. After I saw that movie, I thought, “So there really is nothing I can’t achieve…”, which left a strong impression on me and that is why I wrote this.

MN: It seems that many things have had an impact on you, such as the people you have met, what you have seen and heard, and the times you have spent. To the question, “What piece of advice you have received from others has left the biggest impression on you?”, you wrote,“The words that have left a lasting impression on me are, ‘You do whatever it is you want to do’.”When do these words come to mind?

J: I believe that whenever there is something that you want to do, it should be done without hesitation. I also believe that you should never do anything you’re going to regret. No matter what it is… For example, I always do the best that I can when I’m up on stage, and for mental preparation, I always think, “I’m doing what I love to do”. To think in that way. I think that’s what motivates me, and these words often come to mind in moments like that. I want to reach out to everyone with that kind of power and I think the people around me have given me that kind of power as well.

[secret-realm]

Up to the Human World

I've been gone for soooo long. I'm kind of getting caught up in my assignments, but I really wanted to write something so here it is.

Also, hello, if you are just passing by I hope you have a wonderful day. Remember to take some time to do something you like!!, even if it's for a brief moment. It will help you to feel at least a little bit better.

It had been a pretty unusual day, and you still could not explain to yourself what was that feeling that had accompanied you during so many hours. For example, you remembered getting that feeling of making a mistake that morning, however, what could you possibly have done wrong when you had just woken up? It was very odd, to say the least, but you tried to brush it off since you could not recall actually making something that could cause trouble to yourself or to someone else.

At that exact moment in the Devildom, an amazingly fast demon that considered himself to be an absolute genius because of his plan was trying his best to succeed taking away an ancient artifact to sell it later. Of course, he knew that they were not allowed to go around taking each others belongings, but what was the problem if no one was using it anyway? He thought that it was very nice of him to find a use for the almost forgotten item, and what could be better than getting some cash because of that?

When you went on with your day, the odd feeling from that morning was replaced by nervousness. Not that you never felt that way. You had felt nervous many times in your life, probably more than you would like to admit, but it was the truth. Whenever you had to face unexpected situations, or even expected ones such as presentations, you could not help the way in which your heart beats increased. However, it was different this time. What you felt was similar to being afraid of getting caught while doing something that you were most certainly not supposed to do. But, why would you be afraid of getting caught if you were not trying to hide anything?

Even though the second oldest had done his best during the whole day to hide his intentions from the rest of his brothers, he was not that good at refraining himself from sharing too much information that could get him caught. That was exactly how he accidentally mentioned that he would be getting some cash after selling some old stuff to some other demons. Then he found himself sprinting toward his room as to save himself from the punishment he was  going to receive from his older brother.

Mammon could hear Lucifer's heavy steps approaching his door dangerously, and he gulped down his bitter remarks to prepare himself and beg his brother to forgive him once again. He was now definitely scared for his life. In other circumstances, you could have helped him when Lucifer would hung him upside down. Now, however, he was on his own, and there was no way one of his other brothers was going to help him.

The weird sensation in the pit of your stomach then was making you feel very uncomfortable. It had been almost the whole day going through those emotions that you could not identify as yours. Then it hit you. What if Mammon needed your help? What were the chances of him getting in trouble? Well, the chances were pretty high indeed.

You were quick to walk toward your desk and then you leaned down to grab the keychain he had lent you to summon him to the human world. You held the keychain between both your hands, closing your eyes and repeating carefully the words Solomon had told you months ago.

"... I PROMISE I'LL PAY OFF MY DEBTS WHEN I GET THE MONEY-"  Mammon shouted, and by the time Lucifer tried to catch him a bright light had engulfed the younger making him disappear right after.

When almost blinding light appeared in your room, you opened your eyes instantly. You blinked a couple times, surprised by the fact that summoning the demon had actually worked. When your eyes met his, he forced himself to rub his eyes to make sure he was seeing you for real.

"Did Lucifer knocked me out this time?" he asked so softly that you were barely able to hear him. He could not believe his eyes.

You started walking in his direction, and your hands reached to him "Mammon?" you asked, carefully placing your hand over his cheek.

He then lifted his hand and placed it right over yours "... Human?"

"So it was you, huh?, " you asked him, and he frowned once he saw that one of the corners of your mouth raised.

"Whatcha talkin' about?"

"I've been getting this weird feeling of something going on during the whole day, and I thought maybe you were in trouble. Looks like I was right, huh?" after hearing your statement, he scoffed, clearly unhappy.

"Trouble? The Great Mammon is never in trouble-" then he removed his hand from his face.

"Should I send you back then?" you asked lifting your hand as well, but before you could bring your arm to your side again, Mammon held both your hands between his.

"Oi, human! Ya didn't even greet me properly and now ya sendin' me back?" he said, looking to the side so you could not see his eyes, but leaving on full display the cheek that had turned red because of his embarrassment.

"Sorry. I won't try to send you back right away if you stop lying tho" giggling, you took your hands away from him and held his arm to make him follow you to the small couch in the room.

"Anyway, didn't I tell ya that if ya go calling me up here I would stay?" he mentioned sitting next to you but still avoiding your gaze.

You had to cup his cheeks between both your hands to make him face you, "You did say that, but you know it's not possible. Your brothers need you back there"

"Doesn't seem like it to me" he added, and you frowned.

"Mammon..."

"Don't ya want me to stay?" this time he was the one frowning at you, and you shook your head.

"I would love for you to stay, but-"

"I ain't taking any but" Mammon interrupted you, and then pushed your hands off his face.

"Mammon"

Quickly standing up, he started walking around the room "This place is really small"

"I mean, it's only me living here, so I don't need that much space" you shrugged, standing up as well and making your way to the window. He nodded stopping right in front of your desk.

"I see... So ya spend a lot of time on your own here, huh?" he turned around, but he did not want to face you. It was not hard to tell that he was upset now.

"Not really. I mean, I have my classes, and then I have my job you know? So, then I also have to do my work from college and sometimes I get some time to sleep. Occasionally, I watch some live performances from my favorite groups to treat myself. So like, yes. I guess I do spend a lot of time here, but it isn't as if I were free to do whatever. I'm very busy most of the time"

"Hey, hey. Ya started ramblin' all of a sudden" Too lost in your thoughts, you did not notice when Mammon made his way toward you.

"Sorry. "

He was now standing in front of you, finally deciding to maintain the eye contact without running away. "I know ya always busy with boring stuff, ya don't need to convince me. Such a goody two-shoes."

You scoffed rather loudly after hearing him say that. You a goody two-shoes? Just for being smart enough to not get yourself in trouble? As if.

"Oh, are you damn serious? I just don't have time to go around getting in trouble when I could use that time so much better. And just so you know, if I weren't good at analyzing situations, you would be hanging upside down right in this moment."

Mammon eyes were as big as they could be, "Hey, where did all of that come from?" he asked, still blinking to understand what you had just said.

"You were getting on my nerves" you simply said, and he rolled his eyes.

"I'm gettin' on your nerves? Ha! I should be the one to say that. Like, I've been here for a while now, and ya still won't greet me properly"

"Again with that, what is it that you want?" but of course, instead of giving you an answer he just turned his face to the side and crossed his arms.

What is it? What could it be? You kept staring at him, and once again his cheeks that had returned to their natural color had started heating up, the red blush evident for anyone to see.

"Oh, I see..." You smiled, trying your best to refrain yourself from giggling because of his adorable behavior. "My baby wanted to get a kiss, didn't he? How could I be so oblivious?"

"I don't know. Weren't ya sayin' you are all smart and whatever?"

"I can make it up to you though" you said bringing your hands behind his head to pull him closer. "Would it be okay if I kiss you now?" you asked softly, your lips ghosting over his.

"Just do it. But just so ya know, one ain't enough. Ya gotta pay your debts with extra kisses for treating me like this"

"Okay, okay. I will" you nodded, before finally letting your lips meet. Mammon sighed after he finally got what he had wanted since getting to your place. He lifted you up from the floor effortlessly, and waited for you to cross your legs behind him. Then he started walking toward your bedroom, his quick steps making you feel that you were definitely going to fall at some point.

"Wait, wait. You're going to drop me" you said hiding your face in the crook of his neck, barely talking properly due to your laugh.

"I won't" he simply said, and while one of his arms was wrapped behind your back to keep you in place, his other hand was lifted to your face to bring your lips together once again.

Pulling away from the kiss for the second time, you held Mammon's face in place to talk to him, getting nothing but his whining in response.

"So like, about sending you back later so that the rest doesn't start freaking out about you disappearing..." you asked, and you could swear his eyes were practically shooting daggers at you.

"Oh, shut up"

"But I need to know! Just in case something goes wrong or who knows" you laughed at how he was barely listening to you, his eyes just following your lips.

"I won't leave just yet, let's talk about it tomorrow" he said, finishing the discussion, at least momentarily.

At the sight of him pouting you could not help but to nod your head, right before pulling him closer once again "Fine, but stop acting like an annoying baby"

"How dare you call The Great Mammon an annoying-"

"Baby, will you let me kiss you or not?"

"Okay"

I mentioned it at the beginning of this post, but you really should take a break from time to time. If you don't, you might feel overwhelmed and that's definitely not cool.

So please, take care of yourself and stay healthy. Have a lovely day!

[mf-despair-queen]

Never Give Up - Lee Taeyong

Author: @mf-despair-queen

Pairing: Lee Taeyong/Reader

Word Count: 20,984

Summary: When Y/N joins SM Entertainment as a trainee, she didn’t think she would make it. Nor did she think Lee Taeyong from NCT would be assisting in training her class. But most of all, she didn’t think that he would step up to help her achieve her dream. 

Warnings: NSFW, 18+, Unprotected Sex, Oral, Shower Stuff, kinda sweet stuff all around because Taeyong is just a caring baby?

Notes: Only like... 3 months in the making. But I hold this fic very close to my heart because Taeyong’s story of becoming an idol is very precious to me. And just as an overall person, he’s very inspiring to me. I wanted to represent that side of him, not giving up when you have a dream and a goal, to be the best you can be and not let anything bring you down. 

Happy chatter filled the room, the voices echoing off the walls and mirrors located all around. Each small group stretched together, joyously preparing for the first day as a trainee. Some showed off their moves at each other while others just kept a pleasant conversation to pass the time.

And here you were, sat alone in the corner. Our fingers tapped anxiously while reaching for your foot extended in front of you, feeling the muscles in your back stretching out and loosening. Sweat was leaking from your pores, keeping your skin moist and uncomfortable despite the lack of dancing you had actually done. 

When the door opened, everyone instantly stood at attention, including yourself whom scrambled up to stand at attention. Lines had formed, each trainee stood one by one as the instructor waltzed in, eyes glowering slightly as he scanned the crowd.

“Good morning, sir,” the trainee group said in unison with a bow, the teacher nodding in approval.

“Good morning,” he said, voice slightly gruff and deep, throwing you off for a moment. The instructor placed his stuff aside - a notebook and pen combo, water bottle, and towel - before turning to face everyone. “My name is Kim Jihun and I will be your dancer teacher. And may I start by saying congratulations on being admitted to be a trainee of SM Entertainment.”

The girls around you clapped happily, smiles on their faces. Your hands were slow to come together, your nerves on edge. His words seemed to haunt you, sending a shiver up your spine. You were questioning why you even showed up to the audition in the first place. You weren’t expecting to get through when they approached you on the street, telling you that they were looking for potential recruits. 

You weren’t anything special in your mind. Sure, you loved to dance and sing in your free time, but compared to the people around you, you were miniscule. You wanted nothing more than to shrink into the background and disappear, running from the room and never returning.

“Let me warn you that this will not be an easy course,” his words filled the room, making you snap back to attention. Jihun walked back and forth in front of the group, speaking slowly and intently. “SM Entertainment has very high standards for its artists and you are expected to work hard to achieve that. Fail, and you be let go. Succeed, and you will be trained until you are ready to debut.”

You swallowed thickly, eyes falling to the ground before you. You toe dug into the shiny hardwood floor, afraid to look up. You knew that the look in the mirror would show just how stressed you were while everyone else looked determined to do well. Your hands rung around the bottom of your shirt, wrinkling the loose material in the tight grip. Your fingers twisted around the material, disappearing into the white fabric.

“But, don’t let that discourage you. Everyone here is at a different level, but you can’t let your inexperience stop you. I’ve had trainees in the past that have come in and I thought they would amount to nothing. I figured they would not make it to be an idol. But I was wrong. Through hard work and determination, he was able to overcome those challenges and become the leader dancer of her group. He is the epitome of the term “never give up on your dreams” and I want you all to remember that.

“I want you to remember that because he will be training you as well for the next few months. His group is on hiatus for the time being after having finished their recent promotions and he expressed an interest in helping train for once. So, don’t think he needs any further introduction. Please welcome Lee Taeyong from NCT.”

Your heart stopped when you watched him open the door carefully, a nervous smile on his gorgeous face. It made his soft cheeks uplift, contrasting against his sharp jaw. He uttered over a dozen hellos as he entered, bowing continuously in his normal polite manner, hands clasped together in front of him with every bend of his back and step of his feet. Each bow made his bright blue hair bounce around, falling to rest against his forehead when he stood straight. His brown eyes twinkled in the lights of the practice room, the glimmer they shone making your heart race. His large hands rubbed together as he took his place next to your instructor, trailing his eyes over the crowd. It felt like his eyes lingered longer on you, his smile curling further. The male idol was wearing a simple pair of black skinny jeans and a loose white shirt that said “Rare”, black shoes adorning his feet.

You let out a shaky breath, unable to believe that Lee Taeyong was standing in front of you. You had watched the man grow and succeed since his days as an SM Rookie, He was one of the reasons you enjoyed dance as much as you did. Seeing the way he moved, the joy it brought - you couldn’t help but move yourself. You aspired to be as good as him, sadly accepting that you never would be. He was a god among men, and you could only wish that you could be on his level one day.

Now, he stood before you in the flesh, ready to help you learn and improve. If you weren’t nervous before, you would be now. Too bad you were already sweating bullets before he walked in. Your face felt hot and you were ready to pass out. From across the room, you could feel his presence. HIs aura was intimidating, even though the face he gave the crowd was soft and he bounced between his feet anxiously. His hands rung together, picking at his nails slightly, but he stood proud. 

“Hello,” he greeted officially. Your heart thundered heavily at the sound of his sultry voice. It was deep and smooth, a husky undertone that you were familiar with from his fabulous rapping skills. His infectious smile made you crack a small one of your own, feeling your cheeks light up with a bright burn. 

“My name is Lee Taeyong, leader of NCT. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” He finished his greeting with a bow, you and the others following his gesture. When he stood up, he ran a hand through his hair, pushing it away from his forehead while speaking. “I’m really looking forward to helping train you guys for a while. I remember my days as a trainee and how nerve wracking it can be, so I hope that I can help you guys grow and improve like I was able to.”

“I will leave this to you, Taeyong,” Jihun told the idol leader, who nodded in return. Jihun took a seat in a chair to the side, his notepad and pen in hand. His dark eyes stared daggers through the room, ready to assess your first day.

Taeyong made his way to the front of the room, everyone turning to face the mirrors and rearranging themselves to a more comfortable location to begin the lesson. You slid to the back of the group, hiding yourself from the mirror as much as possible in the small group of people. Taeyong slid a black headband on his head to keep his hair back, turning to stare at himself - and your group behind him - in the mirrors.

“Alright. We’ll begin by teaching you the moves to this choreography that I helped to create. It was something I dabbled in when we did the song So Am I with Ava Max, so I hope you all like it. We will start off slow and practice each section a few times, but it’ll be pretty quick to learn the entire piece. By the end of today, I want to test run this dance with the music.”

You dry swallowed, shaking slightly. It was time…

He wasn’t kidding when he said the learning curve was steep. The speed that you were intended to learn the choreography was fast paced, even with Taeyong’s slow and methodical teaching style. He showed each step multiple times, explaining thoroughly what he was doing and how your body should be moving with the movement. He allowed ample time for you to practice the movements before moving onto the next move, He would even sing his own rap part when he picked up the pace to show the entire section as it should be performed, your eyes wide in awe. Taeyong made the dance look simple. 

The steps themselves weren’t hard in reality, but you couldn’t help but wonder if you were doing it right. As pieces started to get linked together, more of the choreography coming together, you couldn’t help yourself from turning your eyes to those around you, trying to pick up on how they moved, imitating their postures and strides. The more parts that got added amplified the difficulty, aiding in your downfall, your progress slowing, stopping and receding. 

You were struggling to follow the full dance, resorting to following those around you in an attempt to complete the dance. You felt weak compared to them, lacking power and precision, your steps sloppy and uncoordinated. You were off beat, arms swinging slowly, body rolling with less exuberance than the other trainees. You were crying internally from the difficulty and underwhelming results.

Taeyong stopped everyone for a water break, readying the music. “One last run before we end for today. I know it’s been rough for the first day, but this dance course is no easy feat. We will do one run of the choreo with the music then you guys are free to head to your vocal class.”

A resounding grunt of acceptance was heard, but all you could do was puff out a sigh. You prayed that you could mimic those around you enough to get through the dance, all while hoping Taeyong’s eyes didn’t find you in the back of the crowd. When the music started, you struggled, just as you thought you would. Your eyes followed everyone else, a beat behind just like during the practice runs. You struggled your way through the dance, wishing with each passing second that it would be over. 

Taeyong’s dutiful eyes, a deep, chocolate color, scanned the crowd unknowing to the trainees as he danced, taking in every incorrect step, bent leg during a kick, and lackluster sway of the hips. But, amongst all the trainees, he couldn’t stop his eyes from being drawn to you shielded in the back of the crowd. He pouted slightly to himself, fixated on the slow movements and turned head, pausing to get the steps of your colleagues.

His heart ached for you.

Taeyong uttered a thank you to the group once the song was over, everyone bowing before parting their ways to collect their belongings. Taeyong strode away to Jihun, the two muttering softly together, the dance instructor jotting things down as Taeyong talked. You let out a sigh, knowing that you had been caught red handed by the instructor. Soon, Taeyong would know as well. You were disheartened to know that you had failed your role model at his own choreography. Your feet, aching and sore, moved towards your bag, missing how Taeyong glanced your way, Jihun’s eyes following.

You collapsed to the ground, ignoring everyone around you grabbing their stuff and making their way to the door, the room growing quieter by the second. You pulled out your phone, frowning at the text you had received from your mother asking about how your first day went. She had always supported you, encouraging you to pursue this unrealistic dream - that was quickly transforming into a nightmare instead. You didn’t know how to tell her it didn’t go well. 

Yeah, the first day was horrible. That’s just what she’d want to hear.

“Excuse me,” you heard beside you. Your head whipped to the familiar, deeply pleasant voice of Lee Taeyong. The idol had removed his headband from his blue hair, allowing beads of sweat to drip along his facial features, running along his jawline. His dark eyes bore into your soul, his sweet smile making butterflies rage at you. “Sorry to disturb you. Your name is Y/N, correct?”

You blinked, unsure how he knew who you were. “Yeah…?” You placed your phone down, standing slowly. Your feet were yelling at you for doing so, but it didn’t feel right to sit while talking to him. You bowed at the young man, though he waved at you in dismissal. 

“No need for that. It’s fine,” he chuckled happily. “I just… want to talk to you really quick. If you have a moment.”

Your brow furrowed, opening your mouth to find no words escaping. Your throat felt dry, swallowing once before managing to get something said. “I mean… I have to get to my vocal training…”

“I will walk you there and explain the situation,” he offered. 

“A-alright,” you weakly muttered.

Taeyong gave a sad smile, licking his lips before speaking. “I just… I couldn’t help but notice you during the training.” Your heart plummeted. “You looked like you were really struggling.”

“I-I…” you started, fighting back tears. “I was, I guess…”

“No need to be sad!” he exclaimed quickly, biting at his lower lip. “That’s why I wanted to talk to you.”

“You wanted to talk to me because I suck horribly?” You uttered sarcastically, earning a chuckle from the man.

“Kind of, I guess,” he teased. You pouted. “I wanted to make you an offer actually.”

“Offer?”

“Yeah,” he cooed softly. His hand ran through his hair, cheeks puffing with a burst of air before continuing. “I wanted to see if you’d like some extra lessons. You know, with me?”

“What?” you asked without hesitation. Taeyong laughed, shaking his head. 

“I wanted to give you some extra dance lessons, just the two of us. That way we can focus on what you need more than the others. That way we can get you on a higher level than you are at now.”

You blinked at him, turning away slightly, avoiding his sharp gaze. “Why would you want to do that?” you whispered lowly.

“Because,” Taeyong spoke calmly. You turned to look back at him when he didn’t continue. His face was serious, but he smiled at you, stuffing his hands in his pockets. His foot kicked the wood floor aimlessly, digging the toe of his shoe into it. “I know what it’s like to be in your shoes. I know what it’s like to struggle and feel like you aren’t good enough. I know how it feels to think you aren’t cut out for this. 

“I was called a blank sheet when I was a trainee and I felt insulted. I felt like I was being told that I wasn’t good enough and I wouldn’t amount to anything. But I overcame that because I realized that as much of a blank sheet as I am, I could draw my own path on it. And I want you to be able to do the same. I was in the same boat as you once, standing at the back of the crowd, following everyone else. Now, I can stand on my own two feet. I want to help you do the same.”

You contemplated his words, never straying your eyes from him. Silence enveloped the room, apart from the steady breaths of the pair of you. Finally, you spoke up. “But why do you want to try so hard with me?”

Taeyong grinned, freeing a hand to ruffle his hair. “Because I can see the fire and desire in your eyes. This is what you love to do, and I want to make sure that you can enjoy every bit of it. I’m not going to give up on you because I want to see you overcome this and make it big one day.” He let out a heavy breath, licking his lips. “So, what do you say? You up for some extra dance practices?”

After a moment of hesitation, you nodded slowly. Taeyong’s face lit up, grinning widely. “Alright. I’d like the extra training if you’re willing to help. I… I don’t want to give up.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t let you,” he laughed. He grabbed his phone from his pocket, handing it to you. “Go ahead and put your number in. We can set up a secondary schedule around your vocal and dance practices. And we can use this room as our go to. Sound good?”

“Sounds good,” you told him, taking his phone and typing in the number. When you handed it back, contact name complete with a smiley face, your fingers brushed, making your skin tingle. Your cheeks lit up, backing away slightly to grab your stuff. “I appreciate the help, Taeyong. I’m looking forward to it.”

“Same here,” he grinned, leading you to the door after you gathered your belongings. “You’re going to do great, Y/N I just know it.”

~

“Ugh!” you huffed in exasperation. Killing the music on your phone, your hand a sweaty hand through your hair, pushing the loose strands away from your forehead in anger. You had stumbled again, much to your dismay. Despite the extra practice you were getting, and the additional coaching you had been gifted, you were still struggling, grasping everything too slow for your liking.

Training for Taeyong outside of the normal practice had been a blessing. You found yourself doing better, learning the dances more and more each time, but you still had difficulties during the classes themselves, finding yourself still following the others to move your feet and hands to the beat. You continued to stay to the back, even though Taeyong encouraged you to step forward more and show the skills he believed you had.

Speaking of Taeyong - you never realized just how caring the man was until you agreed to this ordeal. You found yourself getting daily text from him after having exchanged numbers to discuss your additional practice regimen, the older male never failing to give words of encouragement amongst his own busy schedule. The texts came without fail before every dance and vocal lesson that he wasn’t there for, using silly emojis, dancing gifs and memes he found online to keep your low spirits elevated as much as possible.

That was just one aspect of the sweet man. Once your private lessons began, you learned how patient he was with you. Seeing your struggles, he slowed down his own movements, taking more time to show you what to do and how to do it. He pointed out every detail you would need to know for the dance before stumbling over his own feet, ears turning red.

“I meant to do that,” he would claim, earning a laugh from you. Hear your laugh just made him smile.

Taeyong over the few weeks you had been a trainee, under his tender loving care as a mentor, became a close friend that you could confide in, no matter the time of day. During water breaks, you would find yourself talking about everything and nothing with the idol, both of you sharing every little fact you could with each other. At this point, it felt like Taeyong knew you better than you knew yourself, and vice versa. You learned many things about the humble young man, your heart thumping harder every day for him. Your adoration for him had grown the more you learned about him, every day getting better.

Until now.

Letting out a deep breath, you restarted the music, turning to face the mirror. As the beat began, your foot slid across the floor, toes pointed, and leg extended outward. Your arms raised, beginning to sway to the beat just as you had learned not even an hour before in your class. Your hips rounded, turning in circles to the thumping music. Your eyes closed to concentrate on what you were doing, counting the steps as you moved.

Your body stumbled when the chorus hit, feet tangling around each other when you went to take a step. You let out a loud grunt, feet stomping in annoyance. “Why can’t I get this right?” you exclaimed to no one in particular, venting the pent-up frustration you felt.

“You’re overthinking it.”

The words caught you off guard, your body whipping around to face the door, only stumbling to the side in the progress. Taeyong chuckled, pulling off the white hat he had on his head, placing the plastic bag in his hand against the wall. You pouted at his laughter, trudging over to pause the music. The idol ruffled his blue hair, taking a seat against the wall. Wordlessly, you joined at his side, taking the iced coffee he offered to you.

“Don’t laugh at me,” you scowled at him playfully. Taeyong smiled at your words.

“I’m not wrong though,” he stated firmly. “Also, sorry for startling you. That wasn’t my intention. And I’m sorry I was running late. I was finishing recording a new song.”

“I know. I got your text,” you teased. Taeyong made a sour face, sticking his tongue out. 

“And here I was nice and brought dinner because I was running late.”

“Depends what you brought,” you told him. Taeyong moved the bag in front of you, pulling out a platter of japchae, gimbap and mandu. You watched him eagerly open the japchae, snapping his chopsticks apart so he could take a mouthful of food. “How do you stay so skinny when you love food so much? Especially sweets. I’ve seen you eat nearly a dozen cupcakes before and you lost weight. I don’t get it.”

“Dancer metabolism,” he joked. 

“Don’t be mean,” you huffed, biting into a warm dumpling. “So, what did you mean?”

“Hm?” he hummed, tilting his head cutely. You shook off the adorable face, shoving his shoulder with yours instead. 

“You know,” you scolded. “When you walked in, you said that I was overthinking it. What did you mean?”

“Exactly what I said,” he pointed out. “You’ve gotten better, but I can see how you are still struggling. And I think you are trying too hard to do well at it now. Because you are so worried about doing well, worried about learning to choreography fast enough, and worried about not messing up, you’re pushing yourself too much. When you stress, you are bound to make more mistakes. When you worry, you’re more prone to mistakes. I would know. I did it a lot when I was a trainee.”

“Oh.”

Taeyong gave a small, lopsided smile. “Hey, it’s not a bad thing. It’s understandable and kind of to be expected. The stress that being a trainee for SM is insane sometimes and when you don’t believe you are doing enough, it hurts a bit.”

“Yeah,” you sighed. “I’m scared of the first evaluation next week.”

“Don’t be. Just do your best. That’s all you can do. Practice and do what you can. You can’t let yourself get down about this because you need to make your own path with this.”

“This coming from a blank slate?” you teased. 

Taeyong chuckled, nodding vigorously. “Absolutely. I was hard on myself all the time, YN,” he said, turning to look at you better. “I didn’t think I’d make it. But I never gave up because I love what I do. I love to dance. I love to rap. I love to sing. And even though I felt insulted, I turned that around. I decided that I would write my own story. And, I know you have that same drive.”

“How do you know?” you asked after a moment of hesitation, pulling your eyes away from the bowls in front of you to look into the dark eyes of the young man beside you. His lips upturned, showing his glistening white teeth.

“Because I can see how much you love to dance. I can see how much joy it brings. I can see the passion you have for it. And I want to see you succeed,” he told you. Learning back on his hands, Taeyong stared up at the ceiling for a moment. “Honestly, I can see how good you are too. Even though you take a bit to learn the moves, I can see how strong your movements really are. You follow others for the steps, but when you have them, you are the best at them. And, if you ask me, you stand out the most among the trainees.”

“Really?” you asked, shocked.

“Of course,” he chuckled. “If I’m being honest right now, you were the first one to draw my eye on day one. Not because you weren’t doing well. There is just something about you like I enjoy watching. And when you can get the dances, it’s even better. I can’t pull my eyes away because you have this… I guess you can call it beauty, to you that just makes me smile. I love watching you dance and enjoy yourself. And I can’t wait for others to see what I see.”

Your face burned with the blush that rose to your cheeks, curling your hands in your lap. “Thanks, Taeyong. That means a lot to me.”

“You don’t need to thank me. I’m only stating the truth,” he mused happily. Rising to his feet, his hand extended towards you. “Now, shall we get started so we can show the world one day what Y/N is capable of?”

“I guess,” you huffed, playfully reluctant. Your hand fit perfectly in his, allowing Taeyong to pull you to your feet. 

“No one overthinking your steps, right?”

“No guarantees.”

Taeyong pouted, moving over to your phone. He didn’t even have to ask, unlocking it with ease. “Fine. Be that way.” The music started, a smirk forming on his face as he leaned against the wall. “Show me what you got. Come on.”

Letting out a breath, you turned to start the dance, beginning strong. As the music progressed, your movements wavered, unsure if they were correct or not. Taeyong followed your form silently, not interrupting you as you went. You managed to complete the dance, not perfect by any means. The music trailed off, the final notes fading through the speakers. Your chest heaved with uneven breaths, turning to the idol for the judgement call.

“Not bad,” he called, taking slow steps forward. “Definitely better than you’ve done before. You’re getting a lot better, Y/N.”

“Are you sure?” you asked.

Taeyong chuckled, shaking his head. “Stop doubting yourself. You’re an amazing dancer, Y/N.”

“I guess…”

“You’re impossible,” he laughed. “Do me a favor. Show me beginning from verse two.”

With a confused look on your face, you did as he requested. Your foot and arm extended to the right, ready to bring your other arm around as you stepped. But Taeyong told you to stop, making your body freeze, tightening to hold the pose. He stepped closer to you, standing behind you. You could see him through the mirror, his gaze reflecting back on you.

“What are you doing?” you asked quietly.

Your already tense body from the stress and anxiety of training tightened more, your breathing shortening. His fingers danced their way up your arm, ghosting along your skin lightly, tickling you in the process, before taking your wrist in his hand, raising it slightly.

“Your stance is off,” he spoke lowly, words somewhat raspier than normal. “Your arm should be a bit higher here. And your leg should extend a bit more.” His foot nudged yours out, making you slide against the wood flooring. Luckily, his free hand was on your waist to keep you steady, his fingers pressed into bare skin from where your tank top had ridden up. 

You turned to look up at him, Taeyong glancing down at you. His hot breath could be felt against your skin, making you blush more. Slowly he dropped his hand, letting you hold the stiff position while he examined you. Slowly, he got you to start dancing again, following your movements on his own directly behind you. His movements were more fluid and cleaner than yours, but the entire time, Taeyong helped to guide you, never once hesitating in what he was doing. 

When you stopped, you turned to look at him, watching the young man silently run his fingers through the sky lit locks on his head, fluffing the strands inadvertently. “What are you thinking?” you voiced, watching him ponder. Taeyong tilted his head back and forth, cracking his neck as he did before speaking up.

“I think I know the issue.”

You snorted out a laugh. “Oh really? We’ve been are this for a few weeks now and you just now know what the issue is?”

“Yup,” he laughed, stepping behind you again. His hands found their place on your shoulders, turning you to the mirror. “You, my dear, are too tense.”

“Well, that’s a given,” you laughed. “I’m a bit stressed.”

“I don’t think it’s just that,” he said. “I think you are working too hard. I think you just need to relax a bit and just let go. Enjoy the music a bit more.”

“Enjoy the music?” you asked.

Taeyong nodded, moving over to connect his phone to the speaker. He flicked through his music playlist a bit before turning on some soothing, but fun, music, bouncing on the balls of his feet to the sound.

“Honestly, I find myself dancing the best when I can just relax and enjoy the music. I like to be able to feel the music and just move to it freely. It’s very calming and just helps me loosen up. But I think it helps me connect better to what I’m doing.” Taeyong started swaying to the music, beginning to freestyle to the song he put on. You watched in awe at his motions, the man smiling the entire time. “You should try it too, Y/N. Just freely dance and let yourself go to the music.”

“I don’t know…”

Taeyong huffed, not accepting your answer. His feet moved quickly, long strides drawing him closer to you. His hands took yours, pulling you closer to him, still within arm’s reach. “Come on. Just let yourself feel the music. Just have fun!”

He started swaying back and forth, your arms swinging with the motions. He made your body wiggle with his, neither of your actually dancing to the beat of the song. But, deep inside, it felt right just to do the silly dance with him, enjoying the music around you. There was not a care in the world for the next few minutes as your danced in crazy circles, arms waving in different directs, your body loosening up with the fun. 

Taeyong smiled down at you, tugging you closer until you were crashed against his body, hugging you closer. Your bodies moved from side to side in no real pattern, losing yourself to the soft music. 

“Ok, but, that worked,” you said, words muffled by his chest. It rose and fell with his laughter, making you giggle.

“I told you,” he teased. His arms never left your form, keeping you close to him. The music continued to play around you, smooth tunes filling the room that you natural moved to. “It’s calming. And it’s best to just feel the music inside you. When you can connect to it, you will be at your best. And your shoulders are significantly let tense. I can feel the knots you had before are almost gone already.”

“The power of music.”

“The power of dance.”

You glanced up at him, his gaze on you. His tongue poked out between his lips, licking them slowly. You followed the trail of the pink article tracing the plump, cupid shaped lips, biting at your own lip. The music seemed to get drowned out, everything disappearing around you.

“What’s going on in here?”

Your body separated quicker than lightning, pushing away from Taeyong instantly at the sound of the voice. You let out a low shriek, hand on your chest, stumbling into a wall to catch your breath. Taeyong just laughed, pausing his music.

When you glanced at the door, your eyes widened, seeing Lee Donghae and his wife in the doorway. You bowed at the senior idol, the male returning the gesture. Taeyong spoke up as he moved to your side.

“We were just dancing, hyung,” Taeyong told him. Donghae’s brow rose, a knowing smirk on his face. 

“Oh?”

“Ya!” Taeyong whined at the older idol. “We were! I’m helping her train! We weren’t doing anything besides dancing and enjoying the music! Right, Y/N?”

“Don’t drag me into this!” you yelled at Taeyong, learning a laugh from the two intruders. With another bow, you introduced yourself. “I’m sorry for being so disrespectful. My name is Y/N. I’m a trainee right now with SM.”

“Pleasure,” Donghae greeted. “I’m sure you know who I am. I’m Donghae from Super Junior. This is my wife, Nanda.”

“It’s great to meet you,” she hummed happily. 

“Likewise.”

“So, a trainee, eh?” Donghae laughed. You nodded at him. “You must be excited.”

“That’s one way of putting it.” Taeyong snickered at your comment. 

“Well, I take it that something is going on if you guys are hiding out and dancing all by yourselves,” Donghae teased. Taeyong’s cheeks flushed, swatting at his senior. 

“Hyung, stop!” Taeyong whined some more. “I agreed to help with some dance lessons because…” Taeyong paused, glancing at you. “She kind of reminds me of myself. I understood what she was going through and I want to see her do well because she’s very talented. So, I offered to help her learn.”

Donghae smiled at Taeyong words, nodding in acceptance before glancing at you. “Well, you are in good hands. This boy can really dance. And if he sees something in you, then you must be something special.”

Taeyong blushed harder. “Hyung”

While the two men bickered like children, though the senior was near a decade older, the senior idol’s wife tugged you aside. “He’s right though. Taeyong is a very talented young man, so you are in great hands.”

“Yeah,” you breathed. “I’m kind of lucky that he offered like this. It really has been helpful with these extra sessions. I feel like I’m not quite there yet, but I’m better.”

“Well, don’t give up at all. And whatever he tells you, don’t neglect the advice. He is one of the best people to know exactly how it feels to be in your shoes. I’m sure you will be on top of your group before you know it.”

“You have a lot of faith in me,” you laughed. Nanda smiled.

“I just know that Taeyong wouldn’t try this hard with just anyone. He sees something special in you, so I will be looking forward to when you are on stage with the others doing your own dances and songs. Just keep pushing till then. Keep practicing, keep training, and keep your head up. You got this.”

“Thanks,” you told her. Lowering your voice, you leaned closer to the female. “Not to be rude or anything, but are those two related at all?”

Nanda laughed, shaking her head. “Why do you ask?”

“I just…” you paused, staring at the two men with a furrowed brow. “How can two guys be so incredibly attractive?”

Nanda snorted with a laugh. “I think it’s that Lee name. There is something in the Lee family name that gives them good genes, I swear. They are insanely good looking.”

“That’s some good genes then,” you laughed back, your laughs joining in unison. 

The two men, hearing your laughter, glancing in your direction. Donghae made his way over, Taeyong on his heel, the older male taking his wife’s hand. “We should probably head out. The little one needs some sleep,” he said, patting Nanda’s protruding stomach. “We just heard the music and thought we’d stop in for a sec. It was a pleasure meeting you, Y/N.”

“It was my pleasure, sunbae.”

The man smiled, shaking his head. “Just Donghae, please.” 

“Alright… Donghae,” you uttered softly, a small smile gracing your cheeks. The older idol grinned, patting your head gently. 

“Stay strong, Y/N. Remember not to give up on your dreams, and I’m sure we’ll see you with us before you know it. And if you guys ever need a hand, you know who to call.”

“Eunhyuk?” Taeyong sassily sneered, jabbing Donghae in the ribs with his elbow. The look on Donghae’s face made Taeyong snicker, hearing the disgruntled huff he let out.

“Low blow, Yong. Low blow,” he joked, tugging his wife towards the door. “Don’t stay too late guys. You need rest too.”

“We know,” you both responded, waving off the couple. “Night guys.”

“Night!”

The door closed with a subtle click that echoed through the silent studio, ringing loudly off the walls and mirror. Taeyong let out a sigh, ruffling his bright blue locks before turning towards you. “So, shall we get back to practice?”

“Yeah…” you hummed, eyes locked momentarily on the door. Taeyong’s brow rose, but he didn’t question your odd behavior.

“Do you want to continue the dance from practice?”

The words from the couple sent tingles up your spine, a pit of warmth filling inside you. Their eager encouragement fanned the flame that Taeyong lit on that first day of practice, the candle burning brighter than ever before. A surge of confidence overwhelmed you. Wringing your hands together, fingers twisting around the bottom hem of your shirt. Drawing a lip between your teeth and turning to face the man, your gaze met his, a confident glint in your irises. 

“Actually,” you spoke up. Taeyong’s grin grew with the conviction in your voice, the strength you were suddenly portraying making his heart race, blood pumping rapidly. His dark eyes narrowed on you, nodding his head as encouragement to continue. “Can we… can we try something different?”

“Like what?” He pushed.

“How about… one of our group’s choreographies?”

Taeyong brow rose, but he smiled nonetheless. “Are you sure? We don’t exactly have easy dances.”

‘I’m sure,” you replied without hesitation. “I want to get better, Taeyong. And the only way to do that is to keep trying. To try new things, harder things. I want to master all I can and prove to everyone, and myself, that I’m cut out for this.” Pausing, you stepped closer to him, tilting your head up to look at him. Your hands took his, his returning the hold with a soft squeeze. “I will make you proud by taking the blank page of my life and drawing my own path.”

“That’s what I like to hear.” His fingers laced with yours, tugging you towards the stereo. “Now, what song would you say you fancy?”

Tapping your chin, you smiled cheekily. “How about a nice duo song. How about… Baby Don’t Stop?”

Taeyong chuckled, placing his phone down, selecting the song. “Perfect choice, milady.”

~

The surge of confidence that transpired thanks to the idol couple was let loose like a storm. Inspiration struck, and your skills grew stronger with each passing day. Taeyong noted how you grew stronger, more powerful, every time you danced together, praising you for your hard work and accomplishments. Your steps no longer felt sloppy, your body no longer felt sluggish. Every dance practice was better than the last, with movements becoming easier and quicker to learn - and master. 

The overwhelming confidence showed more during the actual lessons. With each passing week, you made your way closer to the front of the pack, no longer hidden in the back row. You managed to lead the others instead of following their motions, setting the bar for those around you. Your dance instructor even praised you for how far you were coming, patting you on the shoulder one day after a hard dance that you almost perfectly nailed. 

You were on cloud nine. Your dreams were becoming a reality and no longer felt like they were unreachable. They were within your grasp, your desire for the end product at your fingertips.

Lessons with Taeyong didn’t cease, even with how far you had come. On the contrary, they morphed into sessions to hone your creativity and enhance your abilities. Instead of repeating the days lessons, you would craft dances on your own, either freestyling to whatever random song Taeyong chose or developing a choreography with Taeyong’s help to improve the layout of the steps and flow of the body. 

Some days, you were dancing by yourself, putting the steps to the test while Taeyong happily filmed it, the two of you collapsing against a wall and munching on some snacks while watching the playback. Ideas bounced between the two of you on how to improve the dance until you were content with the outcome. Taeyong would share the final video with his children - well, his members - and each time, they were impressed with what you had come up with.

Other days, you would dance with Taeyong, twisting and turning to the same beat as the man you admired for so long. The gentle caress of his fingers running along your waist from where your shirt rode up when your arms rose. The warm, tingly sensation they left along your skin. The feeling of his body.pressed against yours as he held you close, your hips sway in unison. Your legs tangled but never causing you to falter as you spun across the hardwood floor. 

Every bit of dancing with him was memorable, and it only made your obviously feelings grow more until your heart was beating not from the intensity of the workout you were undergoing, but the pleasure he offered just by being by your side. 

Tonight was one of those nights. You found yourself in the studio late with him. Most of the staff and other idols had left, the clock nearly an ungodly hour. The sky outside was dark, dotted with stars and a crescent shaped moon hovering overhead, not a cloud in sight. But you didn’t care about the darkness. The lights overhead in the dance studio were more than enough to keep you awake, unaware of the minutes that ticked by while focusing on the duo dance with Taeyong you had begun crafting since the earlier parts of the evening.

Compared to other dances, it was more sensual to you. The song Taeyong put on was Say You Won’t Let Go from James Arthur, and it led to you being closer to him than any other dance. Taeyong propped up his phone to record your practice as you decided on moves, piecing them together until you had a section you were proud of.

The entirety of the song, you found yourself in his hold, allowing him to spin you around until you were pressed to his chest. Your feet would slide across the ground before separating from each other, dancing individually, but completely in unison. It always amazed you how he could get your steps to sync perfectly, each body roll to match in time. It made the image you were going for complete. There were lifts and hugs as he spun without issue on the balls of his feet, your heart pounding at your chest the entire time. You always held your breath when your feet left the ground, your arms sliding around his neck as you hugged him close you prayed he wouldn’t feel the thumps of your heart against his tone torso. You never failed to laugh when his hands would find your waist from behind lifting you for a walking motion through the air, enjoying the weightless moment of being in his hands.

The ending of the dance was an accident - but worked in your favor. You were going to turn off the camera after the air walk, Taeyong having slid to the ground in a very Regular-esque move, too flustered to continue. But he moved forward, wrapping his arms around your shoulders, face buried in the side of your head. Reacting on instinct, your hands moved up to clutch at his bare forearm, feeling the veins that ran along them from the extreme workout. Burying your face in his arms, you smiled, letting your eyes close. Taeyong, himself, couldn’t stop from smiling, inhaling your sweet scent.  

The second he saw that on camera, he knew that was how you had to end. Thus, every time you repeated the dance, wanting to perfect it, you wound up in his arms, uncaring about the heat of the room. His warmth was comforting, and you wouldn’t reject that, even if your heart thundered away inside you.

You were panting from the latest go, Taeyong stopping the music when you broke away from his hug. You grabbed your water bottle from your bag, pushing back the beet red blush along your cheeks as you sipped the cooling liquid. Your limbs were aching and your body was slick with sweat, clothes clinging to your frame. Your hair was knotted and messy from the thrills you had. 

Sparing a short glance at the blue-haired idol, he was in a similar state. Dark eyes were glued to his phone, probably watching the latest video, or checking his texts from his members. His loose black shirt was no longer that - it was clinging to his lean body, untucked and wet. When his hand unconsciously moved to ruffle his locks, he sticking shirt rose with his stretched skin, showing off bits of his toned stomach and scar on the right side of his abdomen. His boxers were peeking from his shorts, the dark bank contrasting the red athletic bottoms he had on. 

A low sigh left your lips. You couldn’t but to admire him. He was handsome after all; but your ever-growing affection stemmed from more than his looks. He was everything you wished for - and more. Staring at him became second nature because he was always on your mind. Your heart would beat unevenly with a single glance, a knot balling in your stomach from the rampaging butterflies you felt. Your cheeks heated once more, turning away before he caught you staring.

“Did you realize how late it is already?” he spoke. Light footfalls made their way over to you, the man snatching your water bottle from you. Your face lit up when you saw him take a sip, but you didn’t protest. 

“Is it?”

“Yeah. It’s nearly midnight,” he told you, showing his phone. He wasn’t lying; the white numbers read 11:37 PM. 

“Damn. I didn’t realize it was that late.”

“Yeah. Must have been too focused on this dance,” he snickered. “How early is your lesson tomorrow?”

“Not till ten luckily,” you told him, retrieving your water bottle and replacing it in your bag.

“So,” he began, pursing his lips. The evil grin you had come to know grew, the man leaning forward slightly. “We have time for one more run before we have to get going.”

Your eyebrow rose, but you giggled, nodding after a second. “Fine. One more run.”

The music began, your steps following the beat together. He held you close, the two of you sliding across the entire studio while the music flowed. A heat was radiating between you both that you hadn’t really noticed before, making it a bit hard to concentrate. However, in Taeyong’s arms, you felt like everything was effortless. The lifts, the kicks, the twirls - everything felt natural. 

When the final move came, you didn’t realize how unprepared for the hug you were. Something about it felt different, and yet, you found yourself sinking into his grasp. Neither of you cared about the sweat that coated your skin, or the way your bodies stuck together from the wet clothes. Neither of your cared when the music died away, the camera still rolling. Neither of you cared about the late time, or the exhausting that would soon hit.

In that moment, it was just about you and him. You and Taeyong. 

Turning slowly in his arms, your hands slid down neck to his shoulders, and finally finding home resting on his chest, feeling it rise and fall with heavy pants. He watched you silently, slightly parted pink lips gasping for air. You didn’t look up at him, keeping your eyes forward, memorizing the Adidas logo on his shirt. His hands sat comfortably on your hips, itching to move, fingers curling slightly against your skin. 

Slowly, one hand moved to push back a stray strand of hair that escaped the rat’s nest you called a ponytail. His fingers lingered, hesitating before tilting your head up to look at him Your eyes bore into his dark orbs, watching them glisten and twinkle. The heat around you intensified, but it was nothing compared to the blush that warmed your face when his fingers caressed your cheek softly. The touch singed you, the skin tingling violently from the simplest graze.

His eyes darted in different directions for a moment before he finally leaned down, connecting his lips to yours in a soft, sweet kiss. His eyes closed, yours shortly following from the eruption of pleasure you felt. The kiss was gentle, almost as if it wasn’t real. The connection was short, leaving you with a prickling sensation along your lips. Your lips rubbed together, wanting to confirm if that was real or not. 

He tasted like cherries.

His eyes cracked open to look down at you, finding your lips puckered slightly, eyes still closed. Seeing that, he couldn’t stop himself. The hand on your waist gripped tighter. The hand on your face got a better grasp, thumb smoothing across your cheek while the rest tangling in your messy locks. He leaned back down, more pressure into the kiss this time. His head tilted, hadn’t stopped rolling, meshing his lips perfectly with yours. 

And honestly, truly, you didn’t want to stop him. Your hands curled into his shirt, pushing up on your toes to return the kiss that you were hungry for. Your bodies pushed closer together, the world around you ceasing to exist in that moment. It was just about you and him.

You and Taeyong. Kissing each other like you were made for each other.

The camera hadn’t stopped rolling, something Taeyong would be grateful for later as he relived the moment the rest of the night, a pale pink blush on his face.

~

Taeyong frowned to himself, nibbling at his thumb nail anxiously. His eyes were glued to your form, not hesitating in his multiple notes of sluggishness and sloppiness. Rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet, he could only ponder why you had a sudden one-eighty before him. All the progress you had seemed to be dumped unremorsefully into the garbage, forgotten and abandoned with ease. The intimate dance the night before seemed like it never happened, though in his heart, he couldn’t forget the memory he held from it.

He was forced to watch your once dominant presence recede to the background once more. Your powerful stance was lackluster, and your willful eyes were dull. You followed others almost lazily, unable to keep up with the same choreography you had easily master days prior. His heart wrenched solemnly at the sight, gritting his teeth against his nail and squeezing his eyes shut unhappily. 

It felt like day one all over again took form. 

He hated that.

Once the music ended, all the trainees, including yourself, were hunched over, panting and sweating profusely. You ignored the tingle that came from Taeyong’s piercing gaze, knowing his eyes were locked on you. Pulling your lower lip between your teeth, your head fell further than before, tears welling in your orbs and clouding your vision. 

You couldn’t deny that you were disappointed in yourself with your performance, but your body was incapable of performing at its peak. The nagging voice in the back of your head kept echoing through your mind, the doubts you were used to having resurfacing at an amplified rate. Random cases of insecurity, seemingly unrelated to your current predicament, snuck in as well, aiding to your rapid descent to your day one trainee days. 

“Alright, let’s call it a day everyone,” Jihun called, gathering his belongings. “It’s already getting late out, and I’d like to make sure you all can get back to your dorms safely. Thank you for a wonderful class today.”

“Thank you,” everyone repeated in unison, your voice quieter than the others around you. The group began to separate, picking up their belongings while conversing with their friends. With a heavy sigh, you trudged over to your bag, white knuckling the strap. You were ready to run away, locking yourself in your dorm so you could wallow in peace.

“Do you have a sec?” 

Your eyes darted to the sorrowful brown ones of Taeyong. His hands were tucked in the pockets of his tight black jeans hiding the evidence of his anxious gnawing on his pristine nails. The toe of his Nikes was dug into the hardwood dance floor. Slowly, you nodded in response, Taeyong’s frown deepening at your silence. 

Once the last person left, Taeyong’s gaze narrowed on you. A shaky breath left his pink lips, voicing the thoughts that had plagued him since the music started. “What’s going on with you today?”

“Taeyong, I…”

The idol pouted at your weak voice. “I’m sorry,” he quickly apologized. “I’m just really confused, Y/N. You were doing so well. You showing everyone just how good you really are. All this confidence you had, being in the front during practice and learning the choreographies quickly and precisely, seems to have vanished. Everything that I’ve seen you do is gone and it’s like you are back at day one.”

“Tae-”

“I just want to know what’s going on,” he whispered. “What happened for you to suddenly regress to this stage? What happened for you to lose everything you had worked on?”

“Taeyong, I just…”

His head tilted, eying you quietly. He noticed the way your cheeks reddened and you avoided looking at him. It clicked in the idol’s head. Hesitantly, he pulled his hands from his pockets, wiping them free of sweat before taking your softly. His grasp was warm, giving a reassuring squeeze. The idol tugged you forward, closing the gap between you both. Glancing up, you met his stare and gentle, yet somewhat sorrowful, smile.

“Is it because of me?” he uttered softly. “Am I making you nervous?”

Silence.

“Is this… because of last night?” he asked again. 

Silence.

“Is this because I kissed you?”

You blinked back tears, letting a shaky breath out. “I-I’m just nervous, I guess,” You told him. “Last night was amazing but… I can’t help but ask myself why. I wonder why me and I can’t help but to feel like I’m not good enough. You are just an amazing idol and I’m just me. I’m this pathetic trainee. I felt myself getting nervous and scared, and I just didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to think or to act, and I guess it got inside my head. I couldn’t remember anything from the second I walked in, despite all our practice, and I just felt shy in front of everyone again knowing they would judge me for this. I guess… I just lost confidence in myself.”

“Y/N, you're not pathetic at all. You know that. But, why didn’t you just say something? You know you can tell me anything” he asked with a light chuckle.

“Because I’m nervous,” you admitted.

“So am I. But I can tell you this flat out,” he hummed. “I wouldn’t have kissed you if I wasn’t sure that I liked you. I like you a hell of a lot, Y/N. You are talented, funny, smart, beautiful. I love being around you. I’ve never felt so connected to someone before, but with you, it’s easy because I see so much of myself in you. It’s so easy to be with you because you put me at ease with myself. I want to spend every waking second I can with you, seeing you succeed by my side. And honestly, all I want to do is kiss you again.”

 “You like me?” you asked. 

Taeyong laughed, pulling you into him. Arms wrapped around you, hugging you to his chest. “You have no idea,” he let out. “I like you so much and I don’t want to see you lose yourself to your nerves. I want to see you succeed and I want to be by your side when that happens.”

“So, what are you saying?” you asked, an embarrassed smile grow to match your flushed cheeks. 

“What I’m saying is that I want to be with you,” he hummed, “Because I wouldn’t have kissed you last night if I wasn’t sure that I completely and utterly had fallen for you.”

“Tae-”

“But I will only accept you as my girlfriend on one condition.”

“Oh?”

Taeyong smiled, leaning down until his lips were nearly upon yours. Your skin tingled from the ghostly touches. “You won’t let your nerves get to you like this again. I’m sorry I made you nervous and doubt yourself, but I don’t regret kissing you. I want you to promise me that you won’t give up, you won’t let your stinking nerves overwhelm you again, you will be number one and you will debut as an idol someday so we can perform together in front of our fans. I want to be able to sing and dance with you in front of everyone so they can see just how amazing I know you are. Deal?”

“Just kiss me, you fool.”

He didn’t need to be told twice. He knew your answer the second you demanded his lips to press against yours perfectly, your bodies pressing even closer than before. His foot snaked between yours, leg sliding between yours to sit comfortably. His arms hung from your waist while yours encircled his neck, your heads tilting in opposite directions. An exhale of relief made your nose flare, but that didn’t stop the passionate kiss between you. 

You mind buzzed the rest of the night. Hand in hand, you walked to Lee Soo Man’s office to tell him the news, agreeing to keep your relationship strictly private to avoid any scandals. Neither of you minded, wanting to avoid the news as much as possible. It meant more than you were allowed to date such an amazing idol - a man you and idolized for so long for his unique talents. 

Sending him a sideways glance as you walked down the hall, hands clasped together, you set forth your own conviction. Giving his larger hand a firm, loving squeeze, you smiled to yourself.

I will never give up on this dream. I won’t let you down, Taeyong.

~

He didn’t realize how fast his feet were carrying him down the nearly empty hallway the second he told the rest of his members that practice was finished. He didn’t stick around long enough to hear their cheers, nor their snickers at his overwhelming exuberance. The male idol had checked his phone briefly between songs, the water he was about to sip to wet his parched throat forgotten. 

Come to the normal practice room when you are done with the members. I want to see you, and I have something important to tell you.

His grin broke out, dropping his phone in his bag and zipping it shut. With a short call to the others, he was out the door, making a quick detour to the cafe before heading to his practice place - your practice room. The halls were nearly barren aside from some trainees headed back from their vocal lessons and some idols idly headed towards the exit to head back to their dorm. 

Taeyong knew the sky outside was pitch black aside from the lights of Seoul twinkling light stars. Practice had started later than usual because he had other matters to handle before calling the rest of 127 to their normal studio to do their normal routine in preparation for their upcoming performances and company activities. Better to start early than later, he always told them. The plan was to stay as long as their bodies would allow.

But, duty called. The others knew that from the bright shine in his dark orbs.

With two iced coffees in hand, he was pushing his way into the practice room, pausing to close the door quietly behind him with his foot. The straw for his coffee rested between his lips, the man sipping at it quietly while keeping his eyes trained on you. You were occupied when he entered, soft music playing through the speakers as you danced strongly. 

It felt like an eternity since he had seen you dancing, despite the amount of time you spent together due to your strong relationship. Since starting back up with group activity, his time with your class had petered off. When the day came that he said he would no longer be joining for dance lessons, it was a solemn goodbye from the trainees, each one thanking him for his time, expertise, knowledge and sharing his experiences in hopes that they would one day, too, make it as he had. You had given him the longest, most heartfelt hug, his hand running along your back before he whispered cheekily that he would see you that night for dinner at the dorm. 

He hadn’t really seen you dancing since that day. Your time together was more relaxed, spent cuddled together on the couch or in bed, watching silly shows, listening to music, or just doing your own things - Taeyong writing lyrics or planning choreographies while you prepared for upcoming lessons and evaluations. Occasionally, you would play games together in his dorm room, his solo dorm a blessing for times like that. 

And… other things too, of course. 

He felt a smile grow on his cheeks as he watched your smooth but powerful movements. His heart was racing. He always knew you were talented, but in the time apart, he was happily surprised at how much you improved. Your steps were firm, sliding across the polished hardwood without difficulty. Your arms extended into perfect lines. Your pirouettes rivaled those of the best dancers in SM that had trained in ballet, stopping on a dime without even the slightest wobble. Sweat made your face glisten, the man’s heart beating faster and a hot blush residing on his cheeks, running down his sharp jawline to his neck. 

You didn’t notice him until you caught a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror. Tumbling to the side with a yelp, Taeyong let out a hearty chuckle, moving to place the drinks he brought down, sliding his bag to the floor next to yours. Unlocking your phone, he stopped the music, the noise in the room replaced with your quiet grumbles. 

“You know better than to sneak up on me,” you huffed angrily, grabbing the coffee he held out for you.

“Didn’t mean to, baby.”

You snorted at him, shaking your head with a ghost of a smile. “I know,” you let out. “I didn’t expect you to get here so fast. You said you guys were practicing late so I figured I had some time to work on this choreography I’ve been thinking of.”

“You designed that?” he questioned, shock on his face.

“Yeah. Was it bad?” you asked, pouting. 

Taeyong grinned, grabbing the towel from your bag. Running the towel along your skin, he dried off the sweat that dripped along your face and neck. You giggled when he pat your chest dry as well, red cheeks from the sight of your sports bra clad features. When he dropped it back to your bag, his hands immediately turned to cup your cheeks, pulling you into a tender kiss. 

“It was beautiful and I’m so proud of you,” he murmured. 

“You’re too sweet, Yongie,” you cooed, placing your lips on his again in a brief connection. 

“Only to you.”

“That’s a lie.”

Taeyong huffed, pulling you close by the waist. You both swayed silently for a moment until he broke the noiseless minute. “So, what did you need to tell me? You said it was important. Is everything alright, babe?”

You happily sighed at his nickname for you, hugging him close. “Yeah, everything is fine. I just got some good news today and I couldn’t keep myself from telling you. The second I found out, I could only think of you. I wanted to tell you right then and there, but I couldn’t.”

“I don’t know if this is a good thing or a bad thing,” he chuckled. The man ruffled his hair with one hand, giving a toothy grin. “Well, if that’s the case, I have something to tell you as well. Well… more like ask you, I guess.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. But, please, you go first. You seemed really excited about this so please share, baby. I’m all ears.”

You let out a heavy breath, nodding your head. “Alright. Well, I had a meeting this morning with Lee Soo Man and Jihun.”

“I don’t know if I should be worried or proud,” Taeyong cut in with a laugh. Scowling, his laughter only got louder with the light smack you gave to his chest. 

“Shush you,” you scolded. “As I was saying, we had a meeting this morning before I had to head to my vocal lessons. And they said some stuff about me and how I was doing in my training. And…”

“You said this was good news,” Taeyong exasperated. 

“I know, and it is!” you giggled. “Jihun mentioned how I have become such a leader amongst the group of trainees I am with, and how much I have improved since I started months ago. He showed some videos of our trainings and of my evaluations. And Lee Soo Man was very impressed with what he saw. And they said how they’ve been talking about it for a while now. And…”

“Babe,” Taeyong whined. With his arms draped around you, his face buried into your neck, his soft breath hitting your fiery skin. “Stop tormenting me. I can’t take it anymore. I need to know what’s going on!”

“You’re so impatient,” you giggled at him. Prying him from your neck, your hands cupped his cheeks, thumbs smoothing across his delicate features. “I’m no longer a trainee, Yong.”

The man blinked. “Wait, what?” he mumbled. “Does… what do you mean exactly?”

You smiled. “Thanks to you and all of that extra training, I’ve been accepted as one of the next SM Rookies. Because you never gave up on me, and you helped me when I was feeling like I couldn’t do this, I’ve managed to take that blank slate and write my own story on it.” Your fingers curled against his cheeks, a few stray, happy tears sliding down your cheeks. “Just like you, Yongie.”

“Oh my god,” he breathed, holding back his own tears. He wiped away the drops that stained your skin, pulling you forward into a deep kiss. “I can’t believe it, baby. You did it. You really did it.” His arms pulled you close, embracing you in a tight, but warm, hug. Your face was trapped against his chest, burrowed in the soft fabric that smelled slightly of Febreze. “I’m so proud of you. I knew you could do it. I’ve always known you could, but now, it’s so much more real. You’re going to make it big, Y/N, and I can’t wait to see that happen.”

“Thank you, Taeyong,” you breathed, wrapping your arms around his neck. “I couldn’t have done this without you.”

“Sure you could-”

“No, I couldn’t. It’s because of you that I was able to get better. It’s because of you that I had the push to keep trying and get better. If you weren’t here, I would have given up and quit weeks ago. But you wouldn’t let me. And because of that, I knew I couldn’t let you down. I told myself that I would make you proud and one day, I would stand beside you on stage as your equal. You’ve given me so much inspiration just by being you and I want to do that too.”

“And you will,” he breathed, smiling widely. His words confused you, making you raise a brow at him. “Let’s just say that you aren’t the only one that had a meeting with Lee Soo Man today.”

“Oh? Pray tell, what happened to you today, my sweet boyfriend?”

“Mmm. Say that again,” he cooed. 

Rolling your eyes, you complied, pushing up to whisper against his lips, “Boyfriend.” The second the word left your lips, he pressed his lips to yours in a sweet kiss, molding his mouth to yours. 

The connection made you mewl slightly, allowing yourself to be pulled closer by the normally awkward idol. He wasn’t one to show affection often in public, but in private he had trouble keeping his hands to himself. Delicate fingers danced along your bare sides, tickling the skin until goosebumps rose under the tips. His head tilted to deepen the kiss, pushing passed partially parted lips so his tongue could teasingly play with yours. 

Before things could get more heated, you pulled away from his kiss. A whine of annoyance left his lips, wanting to taste more of your lips. Yet, he held back. 

“Finish what you were going to say, baby,” you told him. 

“Fine. But only if I get more kisses afterwards,” he pleaded. 

“I think we can arrange that.”

“Good,” he said. “So, before practice today, I had a meeting with Lee Soo Man, the managers, the other group leaders about the upcoming SM Town in a couple of months. I’m guessing my meeting was after yours since I didn’t see you around and you were already at practice by the time I got out-”

“Focus, Yong.”

“Right, right,” he nervously laughed. “First, I have to say that you are bound to not say anything about this right now until they talk about this to everyone. But, because this impacts you, I was given permission to say this.”

“Go on.”

“I’m going to have my own solo stage during the concert,” he confessed.

“Oh my god. Taeyong! That’s amazing! I’m so proud of you,” you hollered, hugging him tightly. “You definitely deserve it.”

“Thanks,” he shyly let out, cheeks heated. “I’ve been working on this song for a while. I’m actually going in tomorrow to record if you are free and want to join.”

“We’ll talk about that after.”

“Right. Well, I’m basically set to do two performances - one more of a dance performance and one a rap and dance. And when we were discussing ideas...” he paused, pursing and wetting his lips with the dart of his tongue. “I asked if I could do them… with you.”

“Wait, what?” You asked. “Why would you do that? You didn’t even know that I was a Rookie. I was still a trainee, but you still requested that?”

“Well, it makes more sense why they were willing to comply,” he snickered. “I asked because I wanted to be able to dance with you - to perform with you. And I’m not just saying this because you’re my girlfriend. I asked because you are a talented young woman and I want to be able to perform these with you. What I have planned only works in my mind with you. And I think you’re ready to be up there with the rest of us. They said that they’d allow it… if you agreed.”

“Taeyong…”

“It’s just two songs. One will be a collab vocal and dance, more focused on the dance than anything. Then the second one will be a dance for you while I do my solo song. I’ve been thinking about the choreography for weeks now and I can only pull it off if you are by my side performing it. So please, I’m just asking you right now to consider it. You have every right to tell me that you don’t think you are ready and want to wait. But we only have so much time to practice if you do want to do it…”

“Then, when are we meeting?”

Taeyong silenced himself, blinking a few times to process your words. His eyes bore into yours, a grin slowly forming. “Wait, are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

“I’ll do it,” you told him confidently. “I’m nervous as all hell because I don’t want to ruin your stage, but I want to do it. This is what I joined SM to do. If I back down now, when will I be ready? When will I have the chance again? And, with you there, I’m sure I can do anything.”

Taeyong smiled, tugging you into another hug. “You have no idea how happy you just made me,” he whispered. “Though you know you make me happy every day, right?”

“I could say the same about you,” you giggled. “So, when should we start?”

Taeyong hummed for a moment before choosing you back you up, your back hitting a wall. His hands trailed down your sides slowly, passing over your backside before coming to a rest on your thighs. With a swift motion, he lifted you up, your legs instinctually wrapping around his waist, using the wall as leverage to keep yourself upright. Your arms hung around his neck, playing with the loose blue hairs on the back of his head. 

“We can worry about that later,” he breathed, leaning in until he was almost touching your lips. “I think for now, you owe me a little kiss.”

“Are you really wanting to start a make out session in the practice rooms?” you teased. 

“Why not?” he mused. “It’s late. No one is here.”

“You know, sometimes I think you are this sweet and careful man. Then I remember that you aren’t,” you joked.

“Is that a no?”

“That’s an invitation to hurry up and kiss me before someone does walk in on us.”

Taeyong chuckled before pressing his lips to yours hastily and hungrily. Your hands, tangled in his silky locks, pushed his head closer to yours, not caring that your noses squished a tad or your teeth clashed slightly. His hands roamed your thighs, glad you were wearing shorts in the moment. The kiss was open-mouthed, his tongue tangling with yours between your cheeks. His body rocked against you subtly, pressing your chests and groins together. Heat radiated between your forms, drawing you together like magnets. 

The room filled with lip smacking and quiet groans. Every time a kiss a broken, your lips would let out a wet noise, Taeyong giving a second to breathe before delving back in for another kiss. Your mewls of contentment were swallowed, the sounds reverberating inside him. His fingers dug into your skin, squeezing at your thighs and sides happily. His own groans came from your dancing of your tongues and the sting from the tug on his hair that he enjoyed.

Never in your wildest dreams did you think you’d be sharing such a fiery kiss in the middle of a practice room. But you weren’t going to argue the occurrence in the slightest.

You didn’t know how long you stayed there with him, but you were sure to enjoy the time.

~

The alarm on your phone blared from the side table, the room dark. You struggled to reach for the noisy device, your body restricted by the fluffy blankets and clinging boyfriend on your side that barely stirred from the blasting sounds in his dorm room. Letting out a sigh once the alarm was stopped, you glanced down at the sleeping bluenette, seeing his snuggled against you happily. His arm was clung to your waist, your legs tangled under the blankets. His face was buried against the side of your chest, gentle breathing fanning against the bare skin of your chest. 

Fingers raked through his locks, trying to urge him awake. “Yong, you have to wake up,” you cooed sweetly at him. 

“No,” he grumbled huskily, curling deeper into your side. Despite his protest to wake up, you stirred at the feeling of his lips against your chest, kissing at the side of your bare breast. 

“Is that so?” you whimpered at him, writhing slightly when his kisses increased. He smiled against your soft skin, trailing lazy kisses up to your perky nipple. “Really, Taeyong? You want to do this now?” 

The man stayed suckling at your supple breast for a moment before pulling away with a subtle pop. You could faintly see the lazy grin on his face through the darkness. 

“Can’t blame me,” he rasped, nuzzling his face between your breasts. “I just love you so much.”

The words made your heart jump, smiling down at him. “I love you too. But we have to get up. It’s the SM Town performance today, baby. We have to be there by noon to start getting ready. But you promised your members that you would make breakfast.”

“Can we just snuggle for a bit longer?” he asked, glancing up with a sleepy pout. 

Placing a kiss to the top of his head, you laughed. “Fine. But just a little bit longer,” you conceded. “But…” 

“But?”

You forced him off your chest and onto his back beside you, twisting your legs between his and slinging an arm across his smooth stomach. Your fingers ran along his milky skin, smiling to yourself. “I get to do this.”

Taeyong laughed, adjusting his position to drape his arm behind your head. His free arm moved behind his head, propping himself up to look down at you better. He watched you skim your fingers along his stomach, the blanket pushed down to his hips. The tips of your fingers circled his belly button, pressing against his lean muscles. 

“You have such a nice, smooth tummy,” you mumbled. Taeyong laughed at your words, shaking his head. 

“Is that all you like about me?” he asked jokingly.

“Yup,” you teased. “That and your amazing personality, caring nature, mean dance and rap skills, and just overall you.”

“Well, I appreciate that,” he chuckled. Resting your chin on his naked chest, you traced your fingers up his body until you found his arm. You traced along the tattoo on his elbow, the word reading “Under” in contrast to the “Stand” on the arm behind your head. “Enjoying yourself?”

“Of course,” you hummed. “I just love feeling your body. You have the softest skin, Yongie.”

“I work very hard to keep my skin healthy,” he told you. 

“Nothing beats your tummy though,” you giggled. “Your outfit tonight is going to drive me crazy. You wearing a see-through shirt? With your stomach showing? How am I supposed to dance and sing while you are looking like a snack?”

“Snack? Really?” He chuckled. “What about you? The dress you wear? I love the design they went with for it. You’re going to look so good.”

“I hope so.”

Taeyong remained quiet for a second before kissing your forehead. “How are you feeling today?” he asked seriously.

“If I’m being honest?” you hummed. “Nervous as all hell. I can’t believe this is happening. Today is the day and I just… I don’t want to screw this up.”

“You’re going to do great,” he told you making you look up at him. “We’ve practiced so much. You know the song. You know the dances. You just can’t let your nerves get to you.”

“How are you not nervous?” you asked, frowning at him. Taeyong laughed, ruffling his already messy bed head.

“Baby, I’m always nervous before a performance,” he admitted. “But I know it’ll be worth it to perform because I know the fans will enjoy it. And as long as I try, I give it my all, and I have fun, I know it’ll be worth it. Being up on stage, all those people watching you, is the most nerve wracking but exciting feeling. But I guarantee once you are out there, seeing all those light sticks shining in the sea of fans, hearing their fan chants and their cheers for you, you will love it.”

“You better be right,” you scowled, escaping his grasp. Hovering over him for a moment, you placed a tender kiss to his lips. “If you aren’t, then I will…”

“You will…?”

“I don’t know right now,” you huffed. “But I will be very mad!”

He watched you climb out of bed, finding a pair of clothes to wear from his drawers. He smiled to himself. “You’ll enjoy it. I just know it.”

“I’m sure you’re right. You always are,” you confessed, glancing back at him over your shoulder. “Now, get up and get dressed. We need to make breakfast before Mark comes knocking asking for food.”

“Yes ma’am.”

Mere hours later, after a rowdy and loud breakfast, you were whisked away to the Seoul World Cup Stadium in preparation for the performances that night. Taeyong gave you a sweet smile, yelling ‘fighting’ before he was dragged away for hair and makeup with his group members. 

You were escorted in the opposite direction, placed in a chair while your face was dusted with makeup and your hair was pinned up stylishly but elegantly. Your eyes popped and your lips looked vibrant. You couldn’t believe how good you looked when they stepped away, allowing you to stare at your reflection.

After dressing in your dress, a low-cut black dress that shimmered with sparkles, ending at your thighs and a pair of shorts underneath due to the performance at hand, and a pair of glittery silver heels adorned on your feet, you stood on the side of the stage watching the NCT performance going on. A stage hand was preparing your headset for the duet you would shortly perform with Taeyong, placing the earpiece in your left ear to hear yourself as you sang. You shuffled in your spot, feeling the anxiety bubbling up inside you. Your hands rang together awkwardly, trying to avoid gnawing at your lip to ease your stress. 

“I can do this,” you told yourself repeatedly, letting out a shaky breath. “I trained for this. I’m ready to do this. I can’t give up.” 

I can’t let Taeyong down.

As the music on stage came to an end, the vibrations fading away with the last chords, the eight boys of NCT 127, apart from Taeyong, fanned off the stage, leaving the solo idol in the center of the large platform. The lights were beating down on him, the black, sheer, long-sleeved shirt twinkling to match your dress. His black skinny jeans hugged his hips and legs, neatly shined black boots on his feet. Despite the cheer of the fans throughout the stadium, he remained composed, face turned to the ground to prepare for the song. 

The gentle beat of the music started, a familiar tune of Senorita coming through the speakers. You were given the cue to proceed, just as you had rehearsed the day before. With one last heavy breath, your feet carried your forward confidently, stepping onto the stage and under the bright colored lights in front of thousands of fans for the first time. 

Taeyong slowly turned to you as part of the dance, your slow, near sensual steps towards each other bringing you face to face. You wanted to crack a smile at him, but you remained focused, watching him step aside as you started to sing. Your solo dance and vocal section came first, showing precise steps, powerful moves, and sexy curves and shimmies of your body.

Taeyong’s section came next. He stood across the stage from you as he sang, showing his handsome yet talented self. Every move was perfection, the man a natural with the dance. It was more sensual than his normal dance moves, but he had no issue rolling his body to the beat, a hand running along the length of his chest to his covered groin. 

Your duet was next - your bodies came together, arms encircling one another as you danced together for the first time. His hands held your gently yet firmly as you moved your bodies against one another, Taeyong twirling you around, dipping you gracefully, and spinning you into his arms before grasping your leg, bringing it up his side.

You broke for a solo portion once more, repeating the process of dancing to your portion of the song before Taeyong had his own section. You couldn’t help but marvel when he danced, almost forgetting to do your part before you came together for the last portion of your dance together. 

When you came together once more, you were elated with how the dance turned out. Your steps were perfectly in sync, never missing a beat with one another. Your bodies fit against one another seamlessly with each roll of your figure or advance on one another. Taeyong fingers grazed your carefully when he would trace along your body, leaving a trail of fire along the way. Your heart pounded the entire time, but you loved the feeling of being there with him. 

The dance ended with you forms back to back. The music died down, but the thumping in your ears didn’t. You didn’t even register the screams of the crowd as you walked off briskly, swapping shoes quickly and pulling on a sparkly black leather jacket. Taeyong was beginning his new solo song, his voice fading away for a short interlude. That was the cue for you to rejoin his side, his own black jacket in hand.

You helped him slide it on, his hand resting on your side briefly once it was on. This time, you didn’t hide the smile on your face, his own smirk rising. Your bodies separated, turning to face the crowd. Your eyes scanned the seats, inwardly grinning while eyeing the waving light sticks and cheerful fans. Your eyes rang with Taeyong’s voice, his rap beginning to pick up. 

With the start of his song came the start of the dance. The style was completely different than your first dance, the current dance being higher paced, along the lines of a hip-hop style. Your body popped more than before, feet swiveling on the stage - you were thankful for the switch for the sneakers over the heels. You still managed to match Taeyong’s moves perfectly, never missing a beat or disconnecting from his steps. The dance was more fun to perform, but still help a passionate edge when you got to pull him closer, standing chest to chest with the man of your dreams, or when he spun you around into his arms, his long fingers ghosting down your arm until he was holding your hand, sparks from his fingertips leaving goosebumps along your clothed skin.

You stepped away briefly before stepping together one last time. The song closed, you both turning to the crowd. As the music ended, your bodies heaving with heavy pants for precious air, they erupted into a sea of screams that consisted of not only Taeyong’s name, but yours as well. You saw people standing from the seats, bouncing on the balls of their feet as they chanted, waving the various colors in the sky. 

You wanted to cry. You wanted to cheer. You felt overwhelmed from the validation.

But you held it in as you and Taeyong rushed off stage for the next performance. Your head was pounding, and you were dripping with sweat from the heat of the stage, but you were thrilled. Your quick steps came to a halt as soon as you got backstage, away from the camera and fans. Turning to face the popular idol, he was giving you a smile, two hands raised to give you a high five.

You smiled, slapping your hands to his. You remained in that stance for a second, allowing everything to sink in. After the second passed, Taeyong pushed forward, his arms dropping and wrapping around your waist instead. You were lifted from the ground, your arms instantly flinging around his neck and hugging him close. Spinning in circles, you both laughed joyously. 

“You did it!” he cheered, hearing you laugh more.

“We did it,” you corrected.

Taeyong placed you back on the ground, pushing a few strands of loose hair back. “No. You did it. This was your first performance and they loved it. They loved you, Y/N. They were chanting for you, they were cheering for you. You were amazing out there and they saw that.” He hugged you once more, lifting you back off the ground. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Taeyong,” you whispered, burying your face in his neck. “Thank you. I couldn’t have done this without you.”

“This was all you, Y/N,” he said. He placed you back down, sticking his tongue out playfully. “Welcome to the big leagues now, idol. It’s good to have you with us.”

You grinned, smacking him jokingly. “It’s good to be here. I’m glad I can join such an amazing group of people to work with.”

“The world should be ready to see more of Y/N. Because this was just the beginning.”

You smiled at him, dragging him away. “You’re right, Yong. Because I’m never giving this up.”

Taeyong smiled, stealthily slipping his hand in yours as you walked towards wardrobe to change for the final stage, everyone sporting the same SM Town shirt. “That’s what I like to hear.”

You were high from the adrenaline, but you knew this is where you were meant to be. 

~

You returned to the NCT dorm with the boys after the concert ended, all nine spouting off about wanting to celebrate. However, the last thing you really wanted to do was party, and it was evident the others were just as exhausted. Feet trudged along to the door of the large dorm, holding it open for you to walk in. Taeyong stood behind you, his hands on your hips as he slouched forward against you. 

Despite their reckless desire to celebrate the night, all the boys went their separate ways, bidding adieu on their way to their respective rooms to collapse. A few stopped into the kitchen to grab a snack before disappearing to their rooms. Taeyong led you to his room, opening the door and allowing you to enter first.

He chuckled lowly when you collapsed to the bed, letting out a heavenly sigh of relief. “Who would have thought that being a rookie idol would be this tiring?” came your muffled voice, face smushed in his pillows. The bed dipped with his weight when he sat beside you, rubbing a soothing hand along your back. 

“Just wait till you actually debut and start touring and performing more often. It gets…” he paused, pondering his words. “Tiring.”

“I’d bet.”

“How about,” he hummed, turning you onto your back so he could hover over you better. He carefully reached out to pull a few pins holding your hair up carefully from your stiff locks, “You go take a shower first and relax a bit. I will shower when you are done.”

“A shower sounds nice,” you mumbled, taking his hand in yours. “But you can just join me?”

The phrase came out as more of a question, but it didn’t catch Taeyong off guard.

“You know I’d love to, but the others are home…”

“And they’re in their rooms, probably already asleep. You have your own bathroom. And it’s just a shower, Yong.”

Sucking his lips between his teeth, he tugged you up, stifling a laugh at the groan you let out even though you allowed him to drag you away. The light flickered to life, Taeyong pulling you in and closing the door behind your forms. He pulled two towels from under his sink, placing them aside. Your eyes followed him as he made for the shower, turning on the water to allow the heat to build, soft wisps of steams floating through the air. 

The lean idol stripped his head over his head, placing it neatly aside for him to hang later. Turning to you next, he helped to pull your shirt away from your form, placing it with his. Nimble fingers made quick work of the button and zipper on your jeans, your hands resting on his shoulders while he kneeled low enough to slide the dark denim from your legs. 

Being the gentleman he was, he turned to allow you to finish undressing yourself, though it wasn’t anything new for him to see, and step into the shower before him. You did so wordlessly, a glowing smile upon your cheeks the entire time.  Stripping free of your bra and underwear, you stepped through the glass door into the scalding watering. A giant sigh of delight escaped, almost the sound of a low moan.

Taeyong joined you shortly after, staring at you for a moment under the water. He admired the way the droplets cascaded down your body, your head dipped under the waterfall of water, allowing it to wet your hair. Your hands scrubbed at the makeup that caked your face, revealing your natural beauty that was one of the things he loved about you. 

He stepped forward, wrapping his arms around your waist and hugging you against his bare form. You smiled happily, leaning back into his grasp, your head resting on his shoulder. The water fell over your forms, the heat helping your bodies to relax from the stress and strain of the day. He held you for what felt like an eternity, just allow you to rest in his arms. 

The idol grabbed the shampoo from his neatly organized shampoo ack, lathering a few drops in your hair gently. You did the same to him, using the hair treatment shampoo for his colored hair. Repeating the process with conditioner, you moved on to soaping up your bodies, cleaning yourself of any sweat that clung to you still and any remaining makeup that was dusted to your skin.

The soapy suds circled your feet as it was rinsed away, spiraling down the drain. Taeyong hugged you close to him as the last of the bubbles vanished. His fingers ran through your hair, your head tilting up to stare at his handsome face. Your eyes traced along the sharp jawline and dark eyes, slowly pushing up to press your lips to his soft pink ones in a supple kiss.

His arms tightened around you, eyes fluttering closed while responding with his own force. He pressed into you, returning the kiss thoughtlessly. His head tilted to the side to allow himself more access, lips parting to share a steamy open-mouth kiss. Your tongues tangled together between your cheeks, lips dragging against each other. Each separation caused a low smack to resonate around you, amplified by the glass walls and heated air. Taeyong would then dip back down to repeat the actions, each new kiss growing more passionate than before.

Slowly, his lips began to drag down your jaw to your neck, placing loving kisses to your skin. A low moan escaped your lips before you attempted to seal them together, not wanting to alert the others of what was going on in the dorm. The idol didn’t seem to enjoy that. His frown was evident against your neck, and his actions portrayed the dissatisfaction from the lack of noise. His hands began to roam your body, thumbs brushing against your pert nipples and tracing the round curvature of your breasts.

“Taeyong,” you let out quietly. “The others-”

“They won’t hear,” he rasped. “You even said it yourself. They’re in bed. And if you are worried, then you should keep quiet.”

“You’re mean,” you fake cried.

“But you love it,” he cooed teasingly, his head traveling lower, kissing you along the way. “We’ll keep this short.”

Those were the last words he managed to utter before he connected his lips to your chest, suckling to your hardened bud. His hand toyed with the other breast, squeezing at it firmly. Your hands wound through his blue locks, low moans filling Taeyong’s ears. The attack of his mouth to your mound increased at the new noises, nipping and kitten licking at the tender skin of your chest. His tongue flicked at the nipple before tugging at it with his lips and teeth, a pop echoing in your ears.

The same process was repeated to your other breast, the idol leader playing favor to suckling at the nipple, latching onto it to give it plenty of attention. When he finally disconnected, the man sunk to his knees, gently parting your legs for him to settle between. You used his shoulders to stay upright, sighing contently at the feeling of his hot breath against your core.

He wasted no time pressing his lips to your center, dragging his tongue through your folds and into your throbbing pussy. Nails dug into his pristine skin, a short gasp of ecstasy released at the feeling. He lapped at your core, circling the wet article inside you for a bit before taunting you by pulling it in and out occasionally.

When his mouth finally met your clit, you moaned louder than before. A grin grew on his face, suck at the nub harshly. A hand slid up your leg, disappearing between them. Two fingers circled your entrance before pushing into you. The thrusts started slow at first, focusing more of his effort on his mouth attached to your clit, but the pace gradually picked up. The tips of his long fingers curled, scratching at your inner walls with each thrust. 

You moans picked up, one hand covering your mouth to shield the volume before you were screaming through the dorm for the other members to hear. Your body was on fire from how he made you feel, a knot growing inside your lower abdomen. The knot tightened severely when the curled fingers brushed to your g-spot, causing your body to jerk forward with a short call of his name. 

His licks got faster, his fingers speeding up until he was knuckle deep, pounding you furiously to get you to your high. Your own fingers curled back into his wet hair, giving it small tugs that did nothing to ease the smoldering fire within. Your heart was racing, thumping loudly in your ears. Your walls were clenching and unclenching alternatively, trying to hug at the digits inside you. Your stomach tightened at the overwhelming feeling of arousal that was washing over you.

“Yong… Taeyong,” you gasped through your fingers. “I’m…”

He nodded in understanding, flicking quickly at your clit, aiming for your g-spot with his fingers as often as possible to get you to the turn. Your sight went white for a moment when the knot unraveled, walls clinging around his fingers and spilling your essence around them. Some drops escaped and trickled down your leg, washing away with the cooling water that still fell from above. 

Taeyong’s mouth detached from your core, licking through your folds a few times before standing upright, pulling you against him. Any juices that were on his hand washed away, his clean hand tracing up and down your spine to soothe you through your climax. His lips pressed to your forehead, uttering a short ‘I love you’ before pulling away.

“I will leave you to finish. Take your time, alright? I will leave you some clothes on the counter.”

You nodded at him, hazy eyes watching him leave the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist and disappearing out the door, hearing a near silent click when it shut. Your eyes closed, allowing yourself to relax for a few minutes, your mind still buzzing from the aftermath of your orgasm.

You dried and dressed in one of his long sleeve shirts, a pair of shorts you had left in his room hugging your waist. You ran the towel through your hair as you walked back into his room, spotting him at his desk - dressed and comfortable a simple white tee and lounge pants. His hair was still wet, his eyes focused on whatever he was working on. His fabric markers were strewn across the top of his table. Soft music played from his phone, the man humming along to the Post Malone song. Your clothes had been hung up, ready for the wash. His hair dryer was plugged in beside him, resting on his desk with other random belongings.

He didn’t flinch when your hands met his shoulders, running down his arms slowly, feeling the goosebumps that prickled along his arms. Trickling your fingertips back up, one hand laced through his wet locks, the other moving to grab the hairdryer. Cautiously, not wanting to burn him, you clicked the machine on, threading your fingers through his hair as the heat penetrated them, the wet strands fluffing and drying. You were careful not to get to close to his ears or scalp, scratching at it lightly and soothingly. 

When he was fully dried, you proceeded to dry your own hair, watching him doodle on two pairs of white shoes. Each pair had the same markings, from words to pictures. The other difference was one pair had his name, the other pair not matching the elegant lettering on the side. The machine buzzed to silence when you turned it off, putting it down and unplugging it. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you rested on his shoulder, watching him closely.

“What are you working on?” you asked. Taeyong turned his head towards you, smiling sweetly, a bright blush on his cheeks. 

“You weren’t supposed to find out until they were done,” he huffed playfully. 

“Well, you’re the one that was working on them knowing I was just in the bathroom.”

“I know,” he mused. “I wanted it to be a surprise, but I also can’t keep anything from you. I’ve wanted to let you know about this little project for a while.”

“So? What are you up to, Lee Taeyong?”

“I was designing a new pair of shoes… for both of us,” he mumbled, almost embarrassed. “You know, a matching set for us to wear. As a…”

“As a couple?” you asked, the idol nodding. You smiled at him, placing a tender kiss to his cheek. “That’s sweet, babe. I love that so much.”

“You do?” he asked meekly.

“Of course,” you giggled. “Plus, they are coming from you. Why wouldn’t I love them?”

“I don’t know…”

“I think it’s sweet,” you hummed, hugging him tighter, peppering the side of his face in kisses that made him smile and laugh. “I can’t wait until they are done so we can wear them together.”

“I’ll have them done soon,” he told you, turning to stare at you. Without hesitation, he pressed his lips to yours in a simple kiss that didn’t last long, though a tingling sensation was left behind after your separated. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Yong.”

He grinned, kissing you again swiftly. The kiss didn’t linger long before Taeyong had broken away, hand scouring the desk for the polaroid camera you had gifted him one day. He used it regularly when he was with the guys and yourself. The pictures he took were lining his shelves on a string, and he was more than happy to add to them. He had mastered the art of taking a selfie with the polaroid camera, swapping it to aim towards you. 

Your face nuzzled against his, pressing your cheeks together. You each gave a toothy grin before the shutter went off, picture printing from the camera. Taeyong took the newly printed image, placing it aside to develop before aiming the camera again. This time, he turned to you, eyes closing as you shared a loving kiss. Your own eyes fluttered closed, relishing in the feeling he gave you. 

Even when the camera went off and the picture printed, you didn’t separate, allowing Taeyong’s lips to drag against yours. His lips completely covered yours, meshing together perfectly, giving them a soft, wet pop when he eventually pulled away. You instantly pulled him back in, sharing a heated open-mouth kiss that left him whining softly, shuffling in his seat. 

You pulled away from him, taking the developing pictures from Taeyong’s desk to hang them up. He put the camera away, gathering the scattered markers in one spot beside the two pairs of white shoes. Spinning in the chair, we chuckled as he watched you struggle to hang up the pictures, your tongue sticking out upon figure out where to place them. You managed to hang up the first photo of you both smiling before Taeyong joined your side, taking the second photo.

“I think this is my favorite one of us,” he spoke, admiring the photo. “I should frame it.”

“You’re a dork,” you laughed, kissing his cheek. 

“Don’t laugh at me. It’s cute!” he scowled, choosing to hang the photo in the middle of the line, adjusting those around it to properly showcase his idol family. He looked proud of his display, hands pressed to his slim waist. “There. It’s perfect for now.”

“For now?” you teased, collapsing on his bed. Hugging a pillow to your chest and curling into a ball, you watched him straighten up his room, giving a few squirts of Febreze to freshen the place before preparing to sleep. Taeyong stood in the middle of the room, glancing in your direction and snickering at the ball cuddled into his sheets. Slowly, his shirt was peeling over his head, placed with the rest of his clothes. 

A short yelp of surprise and joy left your lips when he tackled you to the bed, your bodies rolling around the covers until your back was against the small mattress, his body hovering over yours. His face nestled its way into your neck, nipping and kissing the skin. His hands traveled your sides, hips rutting against yours. A low mewl escaped, music to the man’s ears that urged him to push harder and faster, more kisses to delicate skin. 

“Taeyong, we can’t wake the others-”

The hands trailing along your sides began to tickle at your skin, making you erupt in laughter. Your body squirmed and writhed, trying to escape his grasp, but you remained trapped by his form. Taeyong moved away from your neck to watch you laugh, joining in on the hysterics when you attempted to tickle him back. 

His phone dinged from where he placed it on his bedside table before tackling you. With a deep groan, he paused and grabbed it, reading the message received. You watched him silently, panting to catch your breath from his relentless attack. He snickered slightly before turning it to face you, allowing you to laugh with him as well. 

“I told you we can’t wake the others. And here we are, receiving a message from Mark to keep it down.”

The text was a jumble of letters and numbers, obviously derived from sleep, but it was easy to make out the words Be quiet and go to bed already! from the younger rapper. Your hand covered your mouth, shielding yourself from laughing loudly once again. Taeyong put his phone back, biting at his lip to control his own laughs. 

The man rolled off you, resting on his side with one arm draped over you. To face you, you rolled onto your own side. Your fingers ran through the soft tendrils on his head, watching his beautiful orbs close. His fingers curled against your side, pushing up the shirt you wore to feel your skin. 

“Have I told you how proud I am of you for everything you’ve accomplished?” he spoke slowly, sliding closer until he was pressed flush against you. “Because I am. It doesn’t feel like that long ago that you joined as a trainee and I saw that nervous kitten in the studio. You reminded me so much of myself that I just… I had to help you. But as I got to know you, I couldn’t help just how natural it felt to be with you. I was so drawn to you from day one that I don’t know what I would do if you didn’t make it this far. 

“But look at everything you’ve managed to accomplish. All that hard work. You are just so talented, and you finally got to a point where you can show others just what you are capable of. And it’s not because of me. I helped you along the way, coached you and guided you, but it was all you, baby. You never gave up and now you are a rookie. You are up there performing with the best of us. And I’m sure in no time, you will be in a group of your own, touring across the world and doing what you love. 

“And I couldn’t be prouder to see how far you have come since that first day. I’m glad I could see how you progressed and how you developed. And I surely can’t wait to see where you go in the future.” He paused, rubbing his lips together. “And I hope I can be by your side along the way. As your company mate. As your friend. And as your boyfriend.”

“Taeyong,” you sniffled. “I know you said that it was all me, but I really couldn’t have done it without you. And you have no idea how thankful I am. And I’m glad that I could make it this far with you by my side.”

You paused, pulling him closer our noses brushed against each other. Your lips were nearly upon yours as you mumbled at him. 

“And I never want to give up this dream as long as I have you by my side as my company mate, my friend, and as my boyfriend.” You grinned, pushing into him more. Your legs tangled together, arms encasing each other. “I love you so much.”

He didn’t respond - verbally. His lips pressed to yours, pulling you as close as possible. The open-mouth kiss was steamy from the start, his lips dragging against yours in noisy smacks. Your tongues danced together, a moan caught in your throat. Your bodies rocked against one another, kisses growing sloppier by the second. Your hands tangled in his locks, giving them a tug as the intensity increased. Your legs curled around his, your toes flexing and coiling. His hands roamed your body unforgivingly, selfishly attacking your lips repeatedly until you couldn’t breathe. 

His hands pushed at your shirt, helping you to rid it from your torso and carelessly tossing it away. Greedy hands palmed at your chest, keeping you preoccupied and silenced with the numerous, fiery kisses you shared. While you choked on his tongue, moans were trapped in yours and his throats, enjoying the feeling of his hands on your body. Your eager form pushed into him, rolling together against his heated body. 

His lips broke from yours, tracing along your jaw leading towards your chin, and finally down your neck. He slid down your form to your chest, repeating the same process he had in the shower not long before. Already botched in red dots from his prior activities, newly left marks were left along your breasts as he roamed your mounds. Your favorite part was always when he found your pert nipples, wrapping his lips around them, tugging and nipping at them all while suckling happy at the sensitive bud. The overwhelming sensation of him attached to your breast, lovingly flicking his tongue around the bud, made you moan his name, coaxing him to continue what he was doing.

His lips broke from your breast with a not so subtle pop, smacking his lips together a few times before returning to your lips. The intense kiss made your stomach tighten, your legs kicking and squeezing in an attempt to relieve the sensation between them. Your reaction to his lips made him twitch with excitement, eager hands tugging at your shorts and panties. He managed to push them down without breaking the kiss, your feet kicking them over the end of the bed. HIs lounge pants and boxers followed, taking an extra moment to leave his long legs when they tangled around his ankles. 

One veiny hand was used to drape your leg over his waist, his erect cock pressed between your stomachs. His hips jerked forward, rutting himself against you, making himself twitch and harden more. Your lips broke from his to glance down, the image slightly blurred by hazy eyes. Even in the low light of his room, you could see the swollen red tip of his length between you, beads of precum seeping from the slit. Your mouth watered, core tightening with want. 

“Can I?” he asked quietly, somewhat panting from his excitement. “Please.”

“Yes,” you replied shortly, hugging him close to you. 

Gleefully, Taeyong aligned himself with your core, careful as he eased his way into you. An echo of low moans left you both, Taeyong enjoying the sensation of your tight walls around him and you relishing in the way his large shaft stretched you as he slid in, burying himself hilt deep. The feeling was raw, unlike your first time when the condom shielded his skin from yours. It was times like this you were glad you were on birth control. The feeling was amplified without the need for the pesky rubber. 

Taeyong still inside you, allowing you to adjust to his size, and to not lose control of himself too quick. It didn’t matter how many times he found himself in this position - you drove him crazy every single time. You brought him back up to short kisses, tangling your fingers in his hair as you did. The hand that was on your thigh over his waist squeeze happily, a way to tell you he was enjoying everything. 

When your hips jutted forward, telling him you were ready, he broke the kiss, focusing on his movements. Taeyong always wanted to please you. As much as he loved your kisses, especially during intimate moments like this, we wanted to focus on making you feel good. And one thing he learned was that when you felt good because of his powerful and quick thrusts, you were vocal about it. 

He pulled back slowly before pushing back in just as calmly. The mewls of protest made him chuckle deeply, steadily picking up his pace until he was pounding into you at a consistently strong rhythm. His hand help you close, clenching you so tightly that veins were beginning to run along his arms. Your hips clapped together, the sweat that produced between you making the noise grow. His large cock filled you completely, sliding along your soaked, sensitive walls and hitting every spot that made your head spin. 

He kept hitting the one spot he knew drove you insane. Your hand shot up to cover your mouth, near screaming-like moans leaving your lips, throat vibrating. Taeyong wished he could enjoy the noises, but knowing the others were in the dorm kept him from hearing the music of his angel to the extent he preferred. It didn’t hinder his thrusts, determination growing and more powerful thrusts used to slam him deep into your wet pussy.

He pushed you back until your back hit the mattress once more, the idol settling between your spread legs. His hands held your knees back, your feet left floating in air to flop around with each sloppy thrust. Not having anything to hold, your arms extended up above your head, Taeyong having a perfect view of your blissful face and bouncing breasts. The sight of your tits jiggling with every thrust he delivered made his mouth water, wanting to lean forward to attach to them, slathering them with love. 

But he focused on you. He knew you were tired. He was too. He didn’t want to drag out this love making session too long, but he wanted to give you a release. Hell, he wanted a release too, otherwise he wouldn’t be sleeping long that night. His head was spinning with ecstasy, your body burning with love and passion.

He panted, pistoning himself furiously into you. “You feel so good,” he let out as a gasp. “God, I love you so much.”

You couldn’t respond. The tip of his cock kept hitting the sweet spot into you because of the altered angle he was fucking you at. He managed to slide deep into you, directed towards your g-spot. Combined with the pulsing of his cock against your already tight, wet walls, you were a mess. Your core tightened, back arching. You were struggling to withhold as many noises as you could, though many moans, groans and whines filled his room, mixing with the loud slap of skin on skin from your lower halves. 

You both felt the fire. Your walls were convulsing around his large shaft, while his cock throbbed, ready to explode. Your stomachs coiled, burning away quickly before the final snap. Taeyong’s trusts were growing sloppier, never one losing their edge. He kept pushing until he could no longer see straight, blinking rapidly to keep his sight clear.

He eventually collapsed forward, placing a determined kiss to your lips. The hug of your walls was too much for him, and his seed exploded out in strands of white. His cream painted your inner walls in heated juice, slowing thrusts allowing each milky strand to shoot out, coating every part of your pussy. The heat of his cum swirling around inside you made you own will break, one final clench of your stomach pushing your own release out. Your walls clung to him, juices leaking around him and mixing with his own droplets that spilled into you. Your core kept him tightly embraced, milking him until every last drop escaped. 

With him still burrowed deep inside you, you pulled him into another his, arms wrapped around his neck and tangling through his hair., nails scratching at his scalp. The man let out a breath of relief from the orgasm he had, melting into the sultry kiss. His body nearly collapsed on yours, your bodies rocking against each other happily. Your skin stuck together from the sweat produced from the rigorous activities, but you never minded being close to this man.

You loved him.

And you never wanted to give him up.

You fell asleep in his arms that night, not caring to dress or clean up. You were content enough just being with him, a much-needed restful night shared after the successes you had that one day. 

~

Decorated white shoes squeezed their way down the hall, destination engraved in the owner’s mind. As soon as he got the text, he didn’t need to be told where to go. It was too often he found himself headed in that way after practice or recording. It was like another home to him at this point. And when the door came into view, Taeyong couldn’t help but to smile widely, despite his confused curiosity of why he was facing the practice room.

Your practice room.

He expected to find you dancing when he walked in. He always did. And when you told him not to rush because you knew he was working on writing a new song for his upcoming solo album, he thought you would be passing the time in ways you knew how to - dancing to random songs and singing along in the same voice he fell in love with forever ago. 

He was surprised to find you standing in the middle of the room, no music playing, and no shock on your face to see him walk in. You were waiting for him, grinning madly. He inwardly smiled at your appearance, the simple joggers and tank top matching with the shoes he designed for you that were wearing with age. It was nearing a year since you started wearing them and wearing them daily took their toll on the shoes. 

His were the same way, after all. 

You rocked back and forth, hands behind your back, waiting for him to enter and approach you. He did just as you thought, placing his bag down before making his way over to you. Arms instantly encircled your waist, your feet leaving the ground when he lifted you up. Your arms found their way around his neck, hugging him close and weaving your digits through the strands of hair on the back of his head without a second thought. His lips pressed to yours in a succulent embrace, keeping the kiss short but sweet.

“You rang, my sweet?” he teased, placing you down.

“I did. I’m glad you were able to come so quick too. Because I don’t know how long I could contain myself on this.”

Taeyong hummed at you, tracing his fingers along your sides. “So, something really good is happening then? Otherwise you wouldn’t be this excited about something.”

“Something great is happening,” you hummed. “Take a guess!”

The idol pouted. “You know I hate guessing games,” he pouted. “Just tell me, baby.”

“You’re such a spoil sport,” you huffed. “Well fine then. I had a meeting with Lee Soo Man today.”

“Oh? What happened?” he asked curiously. 

“I’m getting to it! Calm down!” you teased. “You know how I’ve been a rookie for about a year now?” 

“Yeah?”

“Well… I guess you can say I’m not a rookie anymore.”

Taeyong blinked one, then twice, before his smile grew, eyes twinkling with delight. “Wait. Are you saying what I think you’re telling me?”

“I don’t know. What are you thinking?”

“Are you…” he paused to wet his lips. “Are you going to be debuting with a group?” 

You nodded happily, tears begging to prickle the corner of your eyes from overwhelming joy. His smile grew larger than you thought possible, picking you up and spinning around.

“Oh my god. You’re debuting?” he screamed. “You’re really debuting!”

“Yeah,” you cried, burying your head in his neck. Taeyong ceases his spins, hugging your koala-like form tightly to him. “I’m really debuting, Yong. I’m really an idol now.”

“I knew you could do it,” he whispered, not bothering to wipe his own tears of joy. “God, I’m so proud of you. I knew you would make it one day and look where you are now. You’re at the top, baby.”

“It’s all thanks to you,” you told him, moving your head and kissing him softly. “You kept me from never giving up. You encouraged me to be my best and I’m here because you believed in me.”

“It was all you, Y/N,” he mused, kissing you sweetly before placing you down. “You never gave up.”

“I owe it to the best man in the world knowing my worth and giving me that push though. I owe it to the best man for seeing himself in me and knowing I would regret everything if I gave up. I owe it to him for loving me and helping push me to be my best.”

“Don’t flatter me,” he joked.

“I meant Donghae.”

Taeyong blew a raspberry at you before speaking back up. “So, do I get any other details besides you are debuting? Like when? What position? Does your group have a name?”

“How about I give you a yes to everything,” you joked, tapping his nose.

“Well, out with it!”

“Impatient young man,” you laughed. “Well, I’m pleased to announce to you, and only you for now because I was allowed to share this with you, that I will be the main dancer and lead vocal for a new girl group,” you told him. Taeyong gaped.

“Really. That’s so-”

“That’s not all,” you cut him off with a smile. “I’m also the leader of said girl group.”

“Oh my god,” he let out. “I’m so proud of you, Y/N! But you’re not telling me the name. What is my beautiful girl going to be the leader of?”

You grinned, blushing brightly. “Well, it’s been in talks for a while, but I will be joining your family.”

He blinked. “Wha-”

“You are the leader of NCT 127. And I will be joining you as the leader of the new NCT girl subgroup - NCT G.”

He gaped, eyes growing wide. “You mean…”

“I’m joining the NCT family with you.”

He let out a low sob, hugging you close again. You clung to him, petting the back of his head as his face buried in your neck. “You’re doing it, baby.”

“I am, and I couldn’t ask for a better group to be part of.”

He faced you, wet tears along his cheeks. But his smile was vibrant. “Well, welcome to the family, Y/N. We’re glad to have you.”

You grinned, wrapping yourself in his embrace. “I’m glad to be with you guys, forever and always. I’m glad I can be by your side through all of this, Taeyong. But you know, if I’m glad about anything, I really am glad that I never gave up on this dream because if I did, I wouldn’t be here with you.”

“Well, I’m never giving you up,” he joked.

“You better not.” 

NCTzens Tag: @brien-odylan​, @goldenmndes​, @belleknows​

[iraacundus]

Circus

PART ONE - SEQUAL

(in part one they use the name addie to refer to you as that is your circus character)

Reader x Jaehyun ft reader x doyoung

genre: angst, smut, fluff words: 15.8K warnings: sex, mentions of alcaholism, swearing

what you leave behind doesn't matter your past is irrelevant at the circus 

You let go of the trapeze and dropped to the ground gracefully. Your arms stung slightly as you dipped your hands in the chalk preparing to jump back up. A friend of yours, Johnny, who often held the rope in your practices, frowned.

"You should take a break!" He called out to you as you rose higher and higher into the air. "You have been doing this for four hours straight Addie," he tried to reason with you. Instead of listening, you ignored him as you continued to slip your foot around the rope and let your body swing backwards.

Your arms did hurt and you were supposed to have stopped hours ago, according to regulations. But you couldn't bring yourself to get down. There was no performance for another two weeks, you had nothing else to do but practice.

The circus was training in the middle of nowhere at the moment so it wasn't as if you could take a second to go and do something of vague normality. You were trapped in the circus doing nothing, so you felt you should at least spend that time doing the one thing you really loved.

As the trapeze swung forward and back, you began to gain momentum, eventually acquiring enough power to push your body into the air, summersault and catch the metal bar in the middle of the tent. You swung your legs around to sit in the most comfortable way. You looked down to call out to Johnny when you saw the Ringmaster walking into the tent.

"Adeline," He shouted up to you, as he moved into the centre of the ring. You immediately stood up and jumped to grab the rope enabling Johnny to lower you to the ground.

You sprang off the rope, landing gently on your feet and curtsying before the Ringmaster.

"Beautiful as always," he told you. "Adeline, I wish to speak to you for a moment, about a rather important matter," You untied the safety wire from your waist and Johnny took this as his cue to leave. The Ringmaster nodded to him as he left.

Once Johnny had left the tent, the Ringmaster turned back to you with his signature sad smile. You waited in nervous anticipation of what he had to say, not a lot of the things he told you were so great these days.

You followed the Ringmaster as he went to sit in the stands that had curiously been put out despite there not having been a show for a considerable while. He turned to face you and you held in a breath.

"You understand better than anyone Adeline, that people come to the circus, often to get away from things. Of course, most people love what they do here but a love of performing is hardly ever the sole reason for joining a company such as this."

What he said was true, you had only ever met one person over the years who had joined the circus purely because he loved his art and wanted to share it with other people. He hadn't lasted long in the circus though, it was a place where someone needed more than just a naive passion.

"As it happens, my nephew has been needing of a fresh start and after Archibald left and you have been in needing of a new partner," The Ringmaster said, interrupting your thoughts.

At his words, an excitement rose in your chest. After Archibald left your act had been missing something. The trapeze was best as a double act, it was the trust that two acrobats had in each other that made it all the more amazing.

"He is a young strong lad, around your age, but I am afraid he has no knowledge of the circus or its acts. I think I could safely assume he has never seen a trapeze before in his life,"

You sighed deeply, the circus was dangerous enough without an untrained boy hanging from a trapeze, your circus knew that better than anyone

"With all due respect sir, if he isn't a circus person, how is he meant to be my trapeze partner?" you inquired.

"Well I was hoping you could teach him..." the Ringmaster told you. You were struggling to keep a look of disdain from befalling your face.

"I wouldn't ask you if it wasn't important, you are one of my most trusted performers and I really need you to do this for me, the circus did amazing things for you I hope, I need you to help it do amazing things for my nephew too."

You gave the Ringmaster a small smile. You had a strong belief in repaying those who had given something to you, the circus had given you a real life.

"So when is he coming?"

— • — • — • —

The air was distinctly cold as you stared down the sole dirt track that led to the circus field. The Ringmaster's nephew was meant to have arrived over twenty minutes ago. Usually, you wouldn't have minded waiting but this time, the anticipation was killing you.

Quite a lot of importance rested on this boy being able to work well with you and learn the art of the trapeze.

You did a handstand on the grass as you waited for some sort of vehicle to appear. You walked back and forth on your hands, seeing how fast you could go. You became distracted by this that you almost missed the sound of car wheels on the dirt track.

The sound of car breaks and a door slamming snapped you back to the present moment and you returned your feet to the floor, standing upright.

You were faced with the sight of a boy close to your age, he wasn't what you had expected but he looked strong. His lips formed a firm line across his face as he clutched two cases in each of his hands tightly. His knuckles were white with pressure.

He didn't make any motion towards you so you plastered a smile on your face and ran over, mostly because you wanted to impress the Ringmaster but also because you knew how scary first days could be.

"Hello there," you waved to him, "you must be the Ringmaster's nephew?" You said, taking one of the suitcases from his hands. The boy only nodded in reply causing his dyed blonde hair to fall in front of his eyes.

"I don't know how much you have been told, but I'm Adeline, your new trapeze partner, it's not my real name but real names aren't important here."

"I'm Jung Jaehyun," he replied simply. After a few seconds when he hadn't made any further statements, you decided to move on.

"Well Jaehyun, welcome to the circus, I hope you find what you're looking for here." You gave him one more small smile before continuing. "Follow me this way, I can show you where you will live."

You took off in a brisk walk toward the trailers. The awkwardness was tangible and you wanted the interaction to be over as quickly as possible. You didn't need to be his best friend, you reminded yourself, you just needed to be sure he was a good partner.

Jaehyun managed to match your pace as you speed walked. He didn't make any additional remarks.

You slowed to a halt next to where three trailers sat next to each other. One was yours, one was Johnny’s and the other was Haechan’s and now also Jaehyun’s.

"You are in the third one just here, you have a roommate named Haechan, we find it helps for new people to share with an experienced member of the circus. Haechan is one of our greatest acrobatic clowns. You will never be bored when he’s around." You explained to Jaehyun as you set his bag down outside the trailer.

"You have your own kitchen in there and everything but there is a large dinner made in the communal tent every night except Mondays. Everything else Haechan will probably explain... we will start training at six am tomorrow, I'll give you a lie-in," you winked at him.

For the first time since he had arrived, Jaehyun gave a visible reaction. His eyebrows raised in shock.

"What time constitutes as normal then?" He questioned.

You shrugged your shoulders.

"Not sure, I usually train from about five when we haven't had a show the night before."

Jaehyun gawped, he almost said something but seemed to swallow his words.

At that moment Haechan jumped out of the trailer door waving at you both with his signature grin.

"Hey, Adeline! I see my new roommate is here," he motioned Jaehyun towards him.

"Come on inside, I'm Haechan if Addie didn't already tell you."

Jaehyun looked between you and Haechan, he looked as if he was thinking very hard about something.

Haechan shot you a questioning look, you attempted to convey through gestures that you had no idea what was happening. You shrugged in reply.

"Hey, dude are you coming in or what?" Haechan prompted. "I'm sure you will wanna get settled before dinner."

Jaehyun looked up at him suddenly and dragged his bags back up off the ground, heading up the steps into the trailer.

"Bye Jaehyun!" You called out to him, but you never got a reply. The trailer door shut and you were left outside alone.

You sighed before skipping over and opening the door to your own trailer and going inside. Jaehyun seemed rude. There was no other way to put it, you hoped that maybe he was just nervous.

You glanced at the clock that lay on your counter, it was five fifteen. That gave you about ten minutes before dinner.

You untied your hair from the plait it was currently in and put a jumper over the top of your outfit. Lifting the blind of your window, you peeked to see if you could spot the two roommates.

For a minute or so there was no one about until eventually, you saw Haechan come bouncing out of the door with a melancholy Jaehyun shuffling behind.

You reached for your phone and headed out. Someone had to rescue Haechan from a ten-minute walk with Jaehyun alone.

"What's up, guys?" You called to them, jogging over.

"Not a lot, I'm just explaining stuff," Hoseok told you. You nodded and fell into place beside them.

The usually short walk felt like it took aeons. You tried to have a normal conversation with Haechan but it was excruciating with Jaehyun sulking behind you both.

“What the fuck is up with that guy?” Haechan whispered to you, though you doubted Jaehyun was listening anyway, “I get people who come here are a bit out of the ordinary but he hasn’t said a single word to me,”

“Just ignore him, I’m more fun to talk to anyway,” you said, nudging Haechan lightly in the shoulder.

Finally, you reached the main tent, it was already full of people. You spotted Johnny's brown hair as he sat down with a few other friends of yours. You quickly steered Jaehyun towards the food and grabbed some.

You made it to the table of people as quickly as possible. If Haechan was finding it hard to talk to him then it must be near impossible. Haechan could talk to anyone about anything and make it fun, it was a talent.

Jaehyun sat at the other end of the table to where you sunk down next to Johnny.

"How's the Ringmaster's nephew then?" Johnny inquired. You shook your head, exasperated.

"He is hopeless. He has been at the circus what... an hour? He is impossible to talk to and he is just so miserable, John. I'm honestly at a loss already."

Johnny smiled at you.

"Don't give up yet Adeline. I'm sure he just needs time to settle in," he suggested.

"If he works badly too, I think I will have to find a new circus," you said, “I’m not sure why I’m staying at this run down place anyway.”

Johnny shook his head, "You would never leave me. Jaehyun will get better I'm sure."

You glanced down at where Jaehyun stared blankly into his pasta, you hadn't seen someone so dejected in a long time. Not since Doyoung.

— • — • — • —

"Welcome to the circus tent!" You announced as brightly as you could when it was six am and your new partner looked like he wanted to die.

Jaehyun, predictably, didn't reply. To some, this may have been discouraging, but you were determined to make the situation work, however difficult it was set up to be.

Johnny had also woken up early to help you, he was sitting around the edge of the tent tying the ropes tightly. You walked over to him, leaving Jaehyun alone momentarily, and sat down by Johnny.

"You know we didn't need you to come right?" You asked him, "not that I don't appreciate your lovely presence,"

Johnny chuckled, "my lovely presence is why I'm here, didn't want to leave you alone with old smiley over there," he nodded towards Jaehyun. "I felt as if not even you, deserved that,"

"You're actually the best," you smiled at him, giving him a quick hug before running back over to Jaehyun, who was staring impatiently at you.

You gave Johnny a thumbs up and he raised the two trapeze bars so that you could just reach the bar if you did a small jump.

"Okay Jaehyun, first I just need to see how strong you are so can you just see if you can hang from the trapeze," you told him. He immediately followed your instruction and jumped up to hold it.

He stayed like that for about three minutes whilst you went to find some tape and when you got back he didn't even look tired, you were vaguely impressed. It was the good start you had hoped for.

"Okay, now can you let go with one arm?" You asked him. Jaehyun promptly let go and even began to do pull-ups with his one arm.

"I could hang like this for hours, don't worry," he said suddenly. You had been dragging a mat to where you wanted it when you heard him. You really hadn't expected him to speak.

"Um .. okay that's great, maybe we can test some other skills then?" You said to him. He nodded and dropped down.

"Do you have any gymnastic ability?" You asked him. To which he shook his head.

"I can do a handstand, and walk, you know like what you did as you waited for me to arrive," he explained, "and a forward roll but that's about it."

You blushed when you realised he had been watching you while he waited.

"Ah yeah, that... roughly how many sit-ups can you do?" You asked him, trying to not get ahead of yourself.

"Last time I checked around a hundred.." You were starting to feel more confident.

"You know your uncle wasn't lying when he said he was giving me someone well capable of the job." You said, shooting a confused glance to Johnny who had been intently listing to what was going on, as you were unsure of what you should do.

"Maybe I could show you some basic moves, we can start low down with the mat underneath," you suggested, Jaehyun gave his signature nod, his lips still resting in a firm line.

You both held on to the bar and gave Johnny a signal and he lifted the trapezes up so that when you hung your legs were a metre off the ground,

"You good?" You asked Jaehyun whose expression was indecipherable, but he certainly didn't seem nervous and you decided if he was nervous he was definitely great at hiding things. Another quality that would do him well at the circus.

"I'm fine," he said curtly.

"Usually we don't ascend this way but I needed to to get you to do this..."

You proceeded to lift your self up gracefully and sit on the trapeze like a swing. Jaehyun watched your movement carefully and followed suit.

Words were not achieving anything in regards to your new trainee, so you gave up using them. Instead just moving as you normally would, hoping Jaehyun would follow.

You let yourself fall backwards so that you were hanging mid-air. Something that always made you smile. It was thrilling. You made sure to check Jaehyun hadn't fallen and died yet and you were happy to confirm he was still managing to follow your every action.

You jumped down from the trapeze and waited for Jaehyun to follow before sitting down on the mat.

"You're really good at this," you said, turning to face him. "I have never seen someone able to perform trapeze so naturally before not even the old Archie."

Archie was the name of your trapeze partner no matter who it was - Adeline and Archibald - that was the name of the trapeze duo.

"We have a show in two weeks and I reckon you could learn part of the joint routine by then as long as we practise enough." You told him. Jaehyun didn't seem to have any reaction to this apart from shrugging his shoulders. A habit of his combined with the nodding that was starting to get on your nerves.

Circus folk were often loud by nature and so someone so quiet made it difficult to communicate and your act required trust which required absolute communication.

— • — • — • —

"I don't know how I am meant to trust him with my life if he hasn't even said more than about ten words to me," you complained to Haechan over breakfast the next day.

"I understand but I mean... you don't have much of a choice, Adeline and Archie is our most popular act and ever since Yuta left our ticket sales have been down. We were already in trouble and now we are really screwed."

You tapped your spoon against the table nervously. Nothing Haechan had said was exactly news to you, but it reminded you of the importance of making Jaehyun into a top-class performer.

"You guys probably won't ever be friends because he doesn't present himself as very likeable, and I try to like everyone, but according to what Johnny was telling me last night he has talent. If you can't trust him, trust his skill."

You were slightly consoled by this idea. If you trained him well enough he wouldn't drop you, it would be fine. You just had to make the best of a bad situation.

You put your spoon back into your bowl and placed it into Haechan's sink. Thanking him for offering to wash up before running out of the trailer to find Jaehyun. He had left as soon as you had entered to have breakfast with Haechan.

You found him sitting on the side of the tent watching a video on his phone. You weren't sure if you were mad or thankful that he hadn't tried to practice by himself.

You walked over to stand behind him, peering over his shoulder to see what he was watching. To your surprise, it was a video of trapeze artists. It was a famous routine by the circ du Soleil, one of your favourites actually. You swung your legs over the bench so you were sitting beside Jaehyun.

"I wish I could perform that one day," you announced.

Jaehyun took his headphones out and stared up at you.

"It's so amazing, so many people with so much trust in each other, it's so intricate - beautiful,"

He put the phone down on the bench and got up, jumping over the benches until he stood in the middle of the tent.

"I stayed up watching a video of your trapeze act all night, it was the only one I could find online but I'm sure I memorised most of it." He told you.

"Did the video say which routine it was?" You would have to see that the video got taken down but you were impressed Jaehyun was taking it so seriously. "If you want to see more, I'm sure Haechan has videos of most of my routines."

"It was called nox periculosa," he said with what was the hint of a smile."

Nox periculosa was one of your hardest routines, you hadn't performed it in about two years. It meant dangerous night in Latin and dangerous it was. It was the reason Doyoung had quit performing and Yuta had left for another circus.

"That's a shame," you said quietly, "there's no way we can perform that one."

Jaehyun looked up at you, eyes narrowing at your sudden change in demeanour.

"It's an impossible routine for even the best of trapeze artists and besides... we don't have three people. Doyoung doesn't perform trapeze anymore. I'm sorry you spent so much time learning it."

You racked your brain for another routine he could learn that was similar so that his efforts hadn't been for nothing.

"Whose Doyoung?" Jaehyun asked suddenly as you were lost in thought, "I don't think I have met him yet."

You stared down at your feet with a sad smile, "he was the most talented trapeze artist I have ever seen, but now he just sits around all day, works the box office sometimes, makes candy floss. He doesn't talk much anymore, kinda like you. Maybe you guys would get on." You joked half-heartedly.

"He came to us at fifteen, he literally has nothing else but this circus, so the Ringmaster would never ask him to leave even though the circus is struggling so badly."

Jaehyun looked confused.

"Why would he have to leave?"

"Doyoung is not the same as he used to be. He was always troubled, he has a lot of sadness.. just now he drowns that sadness with anger that comes from the bottom of a vodka bottle, not with trapeze."

You look up and smile past whatever you felt on the inside.

"Don't worry about it, we just can't perform nox periculosa. If we go find Haechan now I'm sure he will have the videos.. we can pick another routine to learn."

Jaehyun nodded.

"I'm sorry about Doyoung," he said as you walked out of the main tent and trekked across the faded grass.

"Don't be... This is a 3rd rate circus, everyone's fucked up here, I'm sure you know that just as well as I do - I'm very sure you didn't come here because you really wanted to learn trapeze."

He shrugged.

"I guess that's fair."

— • — • — • —

You spent hours watching the videos until Jaehyun pointed his finger at the screen.

"That one. We should learn that one."

You looked up from the bracelet you had been fiddling with on your wrist and glanced at the screen. You mentally screamed. Jaehyun didn't seem to make things particularly easy.

"You like a challenge do you?" Haechan asked him. You had asked Jaehyun to pick two routines to learn with you and both of the ones he had picked were insanely hard. Technically doable but still really hard. Especially the second one.

un choros in luci - a dance in the light

In all honesty, it was one of your favourites to perform but that was because it was so dangerous. The pure airtime of it made you feel free.

"I hope you like practice Jaehyun, because if you want to perform luci then we will need a lot of it.

Jaehyun shrugged again. His nonchalant attitude annoyed you slightly, he had no idea of the hell you were about to put him through.

"Do you own any leggings?" you asked him as you both got up. He shook his head.

"Well you're gonna need to get some, you know, aerodynamics and all," Haechan handed him a memory stick with the two performances on.

"Um from where?" Jaehyun inquired about the leggings as he took the drive from Haechan.

"I'm sure Maddie will be able to find you some at the costume tent. She's my aerial hoop partner, Madeline and Adeline. Budget cuts you know. She is also in charge of costume allocation so pop down to our trailer and she will take you to find some." You explained.

"You do more than one act?" Jaehyun asked surprised.

"Most people do here, as Addie said, budget cuts. For example, I am a part of the clown act but I am also in charge of the Teeterboard performance - acrobatic seesaw, you know." Haechan said, clearly proud of himself.

You could clearly see that Jaehyun had no idea what that was but he would probably learn at some point, most of the young men did because of the more people for that act the better.

"If the Ringmaster ever sees you do a flip he will have you on the acrobatic seesaw faster than you can say somersault so be careful."

Jaehyun nodded again before getting up and leaving, presumably to go find Maddie.

"Don't forget to learn one of the routines!" You shouted at him.

Haechan looked over at you with a discerning gaze.

"How is he meant to learn a routine from watching a video."

"He probably can't but I want to see how much he can pick up already," you explained. You looked over at the clock on the wall of the caravan.

"Damn," Haechan looked over. "We're late for the tightrope practice."

— • — • — • —

The circus had fallen on hard times but it was still one of the largest circuses around. You had a lot of young people join just never quite ones with the skills needed for the big acts. Jaehyun seemed to be the exception.

The tightrope team had a lot of these kids. Only sixteen or seventeen. Most of them just juggled off the side of the ladder but for safety reasons you always watched the practices anyway.

"If Mark lives to be thirty I will be surprised," Haechan whispered to you as Mark stood on the rope waving at you both.

He was amazing at tightrope walking, no one could say any different, he was just very excitable and so sometimes you feared for his life. Tightrope was better for those with a calm disposition. Not a bunch of kids and a very happy twenty-something-year-old.

You watched intently as the kids followed up behind Mark to start the routine. It was getting better the routine for sure but the only thing that really caught your eye was a man sitting at the back of the ring. He too was watching the performance.

You tapped Haechan on the shoulder vigorously,

"Oww!" He complained in mock annoyance before his eyes tracked to where you were pointing.

Sitting in the very back row watching was him.

It was Doyoung.

You hadn't physically seen Doyoung with your own eyes for about three weeks now. You had it on a good authority that he only went out in the dead of night these days and even then only to get essentials.

"Fucking hell," Haechan exclaimed, "he looks terrible even from here."

You gave him a pointed look.

"He sits inside a caravan drinking all day and all night like how did you think he was gonna look?," Johnny announced in a matter of fact way as he sat down beside you, the sadness evident in his eyes.

"Do we say something?" You asked, "do we go over?"

Haechan shook his head.

"You would scare him back inside the caravan. He doesn't like talking."

It took much restraint on your half not to go over and beat some sense into him. You didn't care how he felt at this point. Doyoung had gone too far.

"Hey losers!" Your head snapped round to the shout, "you're not even watching and this is a good part- uh-oh" Mark glanced over to where you had all been staring.

"Oh Doyoung, I didn't know you were coming outside again! It's good to see you,"

Haechan and Johnny facepalmed in sync at Mark's comment because as predicted as soon as Doyoung was acknowledged he got up to leave.

"Wait Doyoung! Don't leave!" Mark shouted suddenly frowning, his shouts were pointless, Doyoung had already made a fast exit out of the back door.

You stood up. Someone had to speak to him. You jumped over the benches and ran round the tent looking around desperately for Doyoung.

Instead, the only person you could see was Jaehyun.

"JAEHYUN!" You screamed out to him. "Did you see which way Doyoung went?"

Jaehyun shook his head.

"I have never met him, therefore I don't know what he looks like."

You had forgotten Jaehyun had only been here a short time, in which Doyoung hadn't appeared even once.

"Um, like early twenties, tall, dark hair, glasses, wore a red sweatshirt, cute face." You described him.

"Cute face..? Whatever um.. he went that way," Jaehyun said pointing towards his and Haechan's caravan.

"Thank you," you replied, your feet already beginning to run in that direction. It was only a short distance and so before you knew it you had thrown the door to the caravan open and were faced with Doyoung standing by Haechan's cabinet.

"Addie."

"What the fuck are you doing?" You asked him, a dumb question seeing as he was obviously holding a bottle behind his back. "Are you seriously trying to hide the fact you just stole vodka out of Hobi's fridge?"

You could see the shame in Doyoung's eyes... just about, he looked so tired almost all emotion was lost.

"No one has seen you in weeks, why? Just why Doyoung? I know you were bad but this... this is worse. You're stealing from someone who used to be one of your best friends."

"Get lost, Addie."

You darted forward, reaching for the bottle, trying desperately to get the bottle away from him, but his grip was like iron.

At that moment Jaehyun stepped into the caravan looking most confused. He didn't say anything, just stood in the doorway.

"Who's that guy?" Doyoung asked.

"Jaehyun, he's my new partner, Jaehyun meet... Doyoung."

If Jaehyun had been quiet before it was nothing compared to now. Right now the silence he gave was deafening.

"Jaehyun, I know this is your caravan but could you give us a moment?" You asked and Jaehyun didn't seem to need to be told twice as he bolted out of the door.

"Doyoung give me the bottle," you said.

Doyoung shook his head. "I need it," his voice sounded so desperate you just wanted to cry.

"Why do you need it Doyoung why? You know we all love you, even now?"

"You just don't get it, Addie, it's not about you or anyone. It's about me." He placed his hand around your wrist harshly and pulled it off the bottle.

You pulled your other hand up to your wrist and sighed as Doyoung pushed past you and out the door. You didn't go after him because you knew that you couldn't help people who didn't want to be helped.

You sat down on their sofa dejectedly and held your arm to your chest. You heard the door swing open as Jaehyun came back into the room. You didn't really acknowledge him, you didn't have the energy for Jaehyun right now.

Jaehyun didn't bother you, he just grabbed his phone before leaving again. He gave you a quick glance but nothing more.

- • - • - • -

"What happened to your arm?" Haechan asked you worriedly as you sat down at dinner. He knew who had done it because it was obvious but it was as if saying it out loud made it worse

"Was anyone else there?" Johnny said. You shook your head. You had agreed to protect Doyoung after it happened. That involved covering it up to the rest of the circus just how bad it was.

"Well Jaehyun came in while we were fighting, then left then came back in after." You said.

Johnny threw his hands in the air.

"In what world does that classify as nobody which is what you implied with your head shake."

"Jaehyun doesn't count, he only ever talks to me and Haechan and he barely even speaks to us," you reasoned.

"I hope you're right if the Ringmaster new he was getting violent then.. he would be out."

"He didn't hit me or anything," you jumped in to defend him, you weren't sure why, out of habit maybe. You knew that wasn't the real reason though.

"He just pulled my arm away from the vodka a bit to... firmly."

"Like that is any better, stop defending him to me, Addie,"

"I can't help it, I ... I still," I still love him, you thought, you just couldn't say it.

Jaehyun shoved his plate down next to yours.

"You good?" Johnny asked him.

"Fine," Jaehyun replied though this clearly wasn't the case.

"Well if you’re good can I ask you a favour?" Johnny asked him. Jaehyun didn't reply which Johnny took as a cue to continue.

"Anything you saw today with Doyoung. Don't talk to anyone about it. I know it can seem bad but we can't just let him go so... No one can find out about how he is."

Jaehyun looked up surprised.

"I didn't see anything." He said with a small smile.

"Thank you," you say turning to him. "He wasn't always like this, I just want you to know."

"I'm sure he wasn't and don't worry I won't snitch, just don't let him hurt you again, doesn't matter what the fuck happened to him, that's not okay."

- • - • - • -

"So we are ready for the final stage now, probably the hardest one though," you explained.

"We need to work together, something that can be hard when you don't know people too well."

You sat on the trapeze as it went upwards and Jaehyun did the same.

"You need to do what you did before but this time, catch me. I'm going to swing flip and jump. You just need to catch my arms as I come down. Haechan agreed to help, he's gonna shout when you need to catch me."

Jaehyun simply nodded, not quite the level of reassurance you were hoping for before you launched yourself through the air with Jaehyun being the only thing stopping you from hitting the ground.

The music started up and you did your dance around the bar as the trapeze was raised into the air so that it was level with the platform. Jaehyun took a run, did his flip and landed on the trapeze before swinging round so he was hanging from his legs.

This move was slightly easier in that he only had to catch you, not throw you also but not swinging on a piece of equipment meant to swing presented its own challenges.

You heard the notes in the music and bit down hard on the side of your cheek as you threw yourself through the air.

"NOW," Haechan shouted and you felt Jaehyun's hands tighten around your legs holding you in place. You breathed out a sigh of relief as you lifted yourself up so your hands where on the trapeze and climbed up before standing on it and starting to swing so Jaehyun could leap and the act could continue.

The next one was where you had to do the full acrobatics and you were aware you were going to fall at some point, the net was out so it was fine. You just hated falling.

It was a good practice in all honesty you hadn't fallen until a particularly hard move so you were pleased, even as you fell into the net you smiled slightly.

"You must have practised lots Jaehyun, I really appreciate it, you're a quick learner." You told him as you started to walk back to your caravan.

It was only eleven in the morning and you knew Haechan had gone to practise straight after helping you guys out.

"Do you want to maybe come over to my caravan for a coffee?" You asked him, "maybe we can learn to trust each other for more than just our trapeze skill," you joked. You had half expected for Jaehyun to turn the offer down. But instead, he gave you one of his rare half-smiles. A feature you had only seen three times in the month he had been at the circus.

You grinned back at him. "Okay fun," you opened the caravan door. "Just take a seat wherever, it's all my stuff anyway Maddie basically lives in the costume van."

You put the kettle on and stared around in silence as you waited for it to boil.

Once you had made the tea you took a seat down opposite Jaehyun.

"I know circus folk are secretive about their past lives but there must be something you can tell me about yourself?" You asked him.

"Only if you tell me about yourself also." He said. "We can take it in turns ask whatever you want, you don't have to answer of course," he said. You shrugged, twenty questions was an effective way to find out what you wanted to know about people even if it was a bit cliche.

"What city do you come from?" You asked him.

"Seoul,"

"Ahh I always wanted to visit there, I heard it's nice."

"Yeah, it is," Jaehyun said looking down at his coffee. "What's your favourite colour?" He asked.

You laughed slightly, " that's a hard-hitting one Jaehyun how could you ask that?"

"I think it says a lot about a person, and also don't you need to build-up to the big ones?"

Fair enough.

"It's red like the circus tent is."

Jaehyun nodded.

"Do you like it here?" You asked.

"It's... different. But not in a bad way. You and your friends are nice people. I wouldn't choose to be here but I'm not unhappy if that makes sense."

He looked you dead in the eyes before asking his question as if he was deciding whether to ask it or not.

"Why does nobody use your real name? I know you say at the circus people hide their past but most people use their actual names to each other anyway. I know Haechan uses his real name because I saw his drivers license."

"Firstly except for one person, nobody knows my real name here so they can't use it. But the reason nobody knows which I think is the question your asking. The answer is because my real name connects me to who I was. At the circus, I have become a whole other person... which was my aim and so for all purposes and intents I am Adeline."

"Was your life before really so bad?" He asked ignoring that it wasn't his turn.

"Wasn't yours?"

"Fair point, I know it's way past my turn but I have one more question." Even though Jaehyun was fairly sure he knew the answer

You nodded for him to go ahead.

"Who is it that knows your real name?"

"The one and only Doyoung,"

- • - • - • -

You walked up to the Ringmaster's caravan with slight apprehension. He didn't usually call people to come to meet him one by one, most of the things he said could be said in front of anyone - apparently not what he had to say today though.

You rapped your knuckles against the door before pushing it open. The door opened into the room of deep purple and plants. There was old CD's everywhere and a microphone dropped in the middle of the floor.

You didn't know much about the Ringmaster, not his real name - which you knew was Taeyong because he told you once, a lot of people didn’t even ask him. You also knew that he was an underground rapper. He was pretty famous from what you knew - at least in the underground scene, he was so you didn’t know why he still bothered with the circus, at any rate, you were happy he had.

"Hello... Taeyong?" You called. His head suddenly popped up from behind the counter.

"Ah yes, Adeline!" He said getting up. "I need to talk to you about something." He was stating the obvious but you refrained from telling him as such.

"Sit down for a second, I will be right there." You took a seat next to the window, though the caravan was dark as the blind was closed and the faint caravan overhead light shone with a dim light.

Taeyong came back into the room and sat down opposite you, pulling a folder from behind him over.

"Well you see the thing is Addie, we have a chance." He said. Taeyong was smarter than most people so sometimes he was difficult to understand as he didn't articulate his point enough for the average person to comprehend what he was inferring.

"A chance at what?"

He chuckled.

"Ah sorry I didn't explain, we have a chance to return the circus to its original glory, maybe even surpass that."

You looked at him intently. You were not sure the words he was saying were true. The circus had been going downhill ever since the old Ringmaster had died, Taeyong's father. Taeyong was young to be in charge of a whole circus, you were certain that even some of the performers were older than him such as Johnny.

The reason for the downhill wasn't Taeyong's fault - all circuses were finding things harder these days, even the most famous ones. The circus was in many ways a dying tradition.

"What's the plan?" You asked him, it was worth hearing him out, better to listen to the smartest person in the room you always thought.

"Well you know that these days extreme sports like skateboarding and such are very popular, they appeal to young people in the way an old fashioned circus doesn't."

You nodded, teens these days weren't big fans of clowns unless they appeared in horror films.

"Well one of the companies that usually sponsor these extreme sports events is running a traditional entertainment campaign, they are looking for a circus with an extreme act to sponsor. And well they heard about our trapeze act and they think it's exactly what they want - a family circus but with extreme talent and danger."

His proposal to you sounded crazy, you thought he was meant to be intelligent.

"Taeyong, you know.. you know that we essentially don't have a trapeze act anymore, Jaehyun is good and is working hard but he isn't ‘campaign for a big company good’." You exhaled slowly, trying to remain positive.

"Did they tell you what they wanted from the trapeze performance?" Maybe it wouldn't be that bad, Jaehyun could learn quickly, it would just be a lot of work.

Taeyong looked down, he couldn't look you in the eye when he explained.

"They want to film a live performance of nox periculosa."

You stood up ready to walk out. He was insane.

"We don't even have three trapeze artists for God's sake. How in hell can we perform that?"

"Doyoung of course, he's had a while to recover now I'm sure he will be fine," he said. You, however, were quite sure of the opposite. You couldn't tell Taeyong as such because he would kick Doyoung out of the circus if he knew how he behaved.

"Doyoung isn't... he... it's a bad memory for him, for me too in all honesty. I mean it took him a year and a bit but I'm certain it's the reason Yuta left too. Just.. are you sure there isn't anything else we can perform, can you ask them?" You explained hesitantly.

He shook his head.

"Nox Periculosa is the routine this circus is famous for its as old as the circus itself. Just get Doyoung out of bed, he's too lazy these days anyway."

Taeyong finally managed to look up at you.

"I'm not stupid, Adeline, I know something is wrong with Doyoung and that it may be hard to convince him to take part, Doyoung is like a brother to me but we need this to happen, otherwise the circus will be over in less than five years I'm sure of it. I will have to make staff cuts again and unfortunately, Doyoung would be at the top of that list, help him help himself, okay?"

You nodded. Taeyong was crazy but maybe that's because he was smart. He was smart enough to know that the circus needed something big to become what it once was. It needed something totally wild and dangerous, it needed the nox periculosa, it needed Doyoung.

- • - • - • -

Trudging back to your caravan you pulled your phone out of your pocket. You pulled up messaging and made a group message telling Jaehyun, Haechan and Johnny to meet you in your trailer as quickly as possible. You shoved your phone back in your pocket and tried your best not to totally panic on the rest of the walk back.

You swung the door open and shut behind you before sitting down on your sofa, head in your hands. It was only minutes later that the boys you had texted turned up, all at once.

"What's up?" Called out Haechan as he sat down opposite you, putting his feet on your table. You usually would have shouted at him for 'disrespecting your property' but you didn't say a word.

"Oh god, is the circus shutting down I know you saw the Ringmaster earlier oh no," Haechan began as he realised you didn't shout at him.

You shook your head quickly.

"I guess I will get straight to the point." You said to the confused and slightly worried three boys across from you, even Jaehyun had a look of genuine concern on his face. These looks of concern only worsened once you relaid to them what Taeyong had explained to you.

"We are done for!" Exclaimed Johnny, "we would stand better chances if I learned trapeze. Maybe I could suggest that?"

"I don't think anyone wants that," Haechan told him. "Doyoung is gonna die though, like he won't even get out of bed never mind reenact part of the worst day of his life."

"If Addie is willing to perform it again he should be too, he owes her that." Johnny said, "if you want help telling him I will go with you.

"I'll go too," Jaehyun said causing everyone else to give him slightly weird looks, he was there because he was part of the act, not because he felt any responsibility for Doyoung, so the idea of him being there made no sense to you or the other two.

"I don't know him," Jaehyun explained, "so he's less likely to behave poorly,"

You weren't sure if that would be true, but in a way, it made sense so it was worth a shot. If Doyoung didn't punch anything or smash any bottles you would be willing to count it as a successful enterprise.

"I'm part of the act too, I'm Archibald, right? So I will help you get the gang back together, Adeline, Archie and...?"

Jaehyun didn't know the full name of the act you realised because once again it was something no one mentioned anymore.

"Doyoung was the Angel of Death. You watched the video, right? The trapeze tells a story of two people in love who are torn apart by the most selfish being, it's not super clear if you didn't know, most people just see it as cool tricks but that's the story to nox periculosa."

- • - • - • -

You had all decided to go together that evening to talk to Doyoung. His trailer wasn't near the others, he had parked it far away on purpose.

Johnny knocked on the door twice, to no reply, he tried the handle but the door was locked. Haechan walked over to the window.

"Doyoung if you don't open this door I swear bro.. just open the door it's important."

There was still no reply, they both looked at you, causing Jaehyun who was staring silently at the moon to stare at you too.

"Doyoung, open the door please, I need to talk to you and it's about nox periculosa."

Johnny gave you a 'what the hell did you say that for look' but you shrugged when you heard the lock in the door turn and the door swing open.

All four of you stepped into the darkness that had taken over the caravan. It was evening but still light outside, inside however it was almost pitch black and smelt of vodka. It made you want to cry. You could just make out, Doyoung sitting on the floor between his seats in the darkness.

"Sit down," You instructed the other three boys and stood still until the had done as such. You then proceeded to turn the lights on and open up the blinds.

"What the actual..!" Doyoung's were stopped by you as you had anticipated this reaction.

"I know you feel bad Doyoung, I know you feel like life shouldn't be a life you get to live well but you just need to listen to me for a second," you began, "because this is about the circus, the circus that gave you a chance, and the one that still refuses to kick you out even now. So you are gonna fucking listen."

You were hot, the anger you felt was radiating with heat. You had always felt sorry for Doyoung and until now you hadn't realised how angry at him you had been.

"The Ringmaster says you have to perform nox periculosa with us again. It's that or the circus can't afford to function and you are the first person out of a job, but we would all be done for in five years."

"No," is all he said.

"You don't get to say no," Johnny piped up, "did you not listen, it's not a choice, you have to, even if you don't want to."

Haechan frowned, he used to antagonise Doyoung a lot, back in the day, but he cared for him more than people realised.

"I get it, I get why you don't want to do it, I get why your scared, but if Addie will do it there is no way you can use fear as an excuse, that day was just as bad for her."

"It was worse for her, you know that Doyoung," Johnny interjected, "if you feel bad enough to drown your sorrows for two years, then I suggest you feel bad enough to help Addie and Jaehyun out."

Doyoung's grip on the beer bottle he was holding tightened as his eyes flickered to Jaehyun, everyone had almost forgotten he was there.

"If he's here can't Yuta do it with them?" Doyoung asked.

"Yuta left the circus months ago Doyoung how do you not know this?" You cried out, it was worse than you thought. You lurched forward and ripped the bottle out of Doyoung's hand and threw it across the room. It hit the side of the cupboards, smashing into a tiny thousand pieces.

"I forgive you for everything Doyoung, you know that I can't understand how you feel but surely as my boyfriend you could do your part for the only chance to save our only real home."

"Boyfriend?" Jaehyun said the only thing he had managed to say.

You laughed almost sadistically,

"He managed to drink his way to death but he never actually broke up with me, I never thought to break up with him either I suppose." You explained to everyone and also yourself.

"But there's a time for everything and it's now. Doyoung your officially broken up with and if you don't turn up to practise tomorrow morning sober I will get the Ringmaster to fire you because if you can't even try, and that's really all I am asking, then you don't deserve to be part of a circus because this circus is a family, and family don't do this to each other." You turned on your heels shut the lights off once again and walked out.

You only made it to the front steps of your own trailer before you broke down crying. At one point you were sure you could see Jaehyun staring sadly at you as he walked past, but with your vision blurred with tears, you couldn't be sure.

Haechan came over and sat down next to you, wrapping his arms around you tightly.

"I know to see him is hard for you. He's just being selfish but it's because he's in pain, it doesn't make it okay but I hope you can find it in you not to hate him."

"I don't hate him, but everything about him is painful to me, the way he is and the way he acts. I wish that I could understand but I don't, and so his pain is mine because I still love him even now."

Haechan let go of you and looked you directly in the eye.

"I don't understand either if I did I think I could help him, but he doesn't feel deserving of help, and maybe he isn't able to be helped."

"The Ringmaster told me to help him help himself,"

"The Ringmaster’s a smart guy, he knows the one truth, other people can't fix someone, the only person who can honestly save Doyoung, is him.

- • - • - • -

After Haechan went to bed you wandered around the field for a bit before sitting and staring at the stars, trying to forget and to just be at peace for once. You saw Jaehyun sit down next to you and for once you were happy that he was a silent person because you didn't want to say anything much.

"Do you think he will show up?" Jaehyun asked.

"Yes. I do. He feels bad that's why he is the way he is, he feels so bad about things that he wants the feeling of guilt to disappear. He knows that he owes me for something, he will come,"

"I'm sorry," Jaehyun said to you. You looked over at him confused. He picked a handful of grass out of the ground and threw it back down in front of him.

"You are a good person Addie, so I just feel sorry," he said answering your question before he asked. "I'm not a good person, but I think I should try to be."

You were surprised that Jaehyun was opening up to you in any capacity. You shuffled around so you were facing him, the moonlight reflected off his eyes as they pierced into your own eyes.

"I don't think there are good and bad people, I think there are good and bad choices. Everyone makes both, maybe some lean more towards one than the others but no one is truly good or truly bad. You Jung Jaehyun, are certainly not wholly bad and I'm not wholly good either. People are just people."

"Is that why you forgive Doyoung?" He asked you.

"Maybe so, but really I think it's because I love Doyoung and I don't think I will ever not love Doyoung."

Jaehyun played with the pulled blades of grass in his fingers as he continued to almost stare you down as you talked. His candour was calming to you.

"You don't talk a lot most of the time," you observed.

"I like to blend more into the background, like these blades of grass, just another person amongst many."

"You stand out anyway Jaehyun, you know that right?"

He looked genuinely confused.

"Johnny remarked only today on how he somehow forgets I'm there."

You pressed your lips together in a firm line. You always noticed when Jaehyun was around, his silence was noticeable to you, maybe it was because he was your partner.

"Well people will notice you soon, for the worlds hardest trapeze act, I warn you though Jaehyun it really is dangerous. And Doyoung is kinda mean nowadays so I apologise for him."

"Don't apologise for him, you guys are too kind on him, no offence."

You laughed slightly back, "if I'm offended by the truth that just makes me ignorant," you paused to lie back and look at the stars again.

"I wish you knew him when he was wonderful Jaehyun because he really was wonderful, Doyoung was like the brightest star in the sky, illuminating a room. He was amazing."

"If you liked him that much I'm sure he was," Jaehyun answered. He had laid down next to you. "You're like that too when you perform you know, all of you were in the trio, that video I saw was mesmerising on all accounts, not just Doyoung."

"I make up for my dullness in life by my bright in my performance," You said.

"I think I'm a bad person, Doyoung thinks he's guilty, and you think that you're dull. Maybe we are all right and maybe we are all wrong, but in the end, I suppose your right, we are just people, people in a circus." Jaehyun observed.

"The best kind of people" you joked.

- • - • - • -

You walked into the ring for practice praying and praying he would be outside waiting as he used too. But as you drew nearer you saw no one outside.

You pushed the door of the tent open to see Jaehyun sitting on the floor of the ring stretching out and behind him Doyoung sitting in the first row of seats. Jaehyun said nothing and neither did Doyoung, but Doyoung looked sober even if he also looked close to death and so you were content.

You ran over to Doyoung and threw your arms around him, trying really hard not to start bawling again.

"Thank you for coming Doyoung, thank you so much,"

His arms remained at his sides. He almost went to move them around you but seemed to decide against it.

"I owe you this, as you said." He told you.

Jaehyun watched you from across the room but refrained from joining in the exchange. Instead, he chose to get up and hang upside down from the trapeze.

You grabbed Doyoung by the arm and pulled him towards the middle of the ring.

"You have to help me teach Jaehyun, I know you remember how to perform it, we just need practise," You said rather optimistically. You didn't get a reply from either of them. Just a reassuring glance from Johnny sitting behind the rope rigging.

The difficulty with nox periculosa was that it was extremely fast. If you stopped paying attention for even a second then it would all fall apart.

You climbed up the ladder and ran at the trapeze, your hands grasped the bar and you swung yourself upside down until you were doing a handstand on the pole as if swung back and forward. Jaehyun had to do the same on the other side and mirror you.

You pulled yourself up until you could place your legs around the bar, swing forward where Jaehyun's hands grasped your own. Doyoung came next he had to pull you up onto the other side. This was one of the technically most difficult parts but Doyoung did it effortlessly. Jaehyun swung you into the air where Doyoung was able to reach out, grab your waist and lift you on to the platform.

Even after almost two years, Doyoung was perfect at it.

- • - • - • -

Dinner that night was a grand affair. There was a new Madamé Isobel, the circus fortune teller, she worked outside before the show as a sort of carnival-type attraction, a big moneymaker. The last Madamé had retired for life by the sea. The new girl you saw looked a lot younger than you had expected.

In line with that, the ringmaster introduced her as Mademoiselle Isobel. She seemed a similar age to you.

Her presence was noted at the dinner but Doyoung's was not. Despite his attendance of practice, he left straight after without a word. Jaehyun had gone back to not saying much either.

You were complaining about it to Haechan who rolled his eyes.

"It's a job, you don't have to love them, just be thankful you still have that job, it's only because of those two working with you." He told you. And he wasn't wrong. You leant back in your seat and rolled your shoulders. "Don't confuse him working again with everything being the way it was," Haechan reminded you.

You nodded.

"I won't, I know it isn't the same." No matter how much you didn't want that to be true.

You left dinner shortly after, you didn't want to go to bed so you walked along the outskirts of the field for a while, you walked for about fifteen minutes before you came across Jaehyun. He was practising some form of martial art with a wooden stick in front of the gate that led to the exit of the field.

He didn't notice you walk up behind him. You didn't want to disturb, you sat down a few meters away and just watched him. He looked so peaceful somehow. His eyes were closed as he muttered something unintelligible under his breath. Each movement was so precise, you were in awe.

"It's Kendo, "Jaehyun said turning round to face you.

"You knew I was there?" You questioned.

"Of course, your not as sneaky as you think, circus folk tend to stand out, even at the circus," he laughed. If anyone else had said it you may have been offended but Jaehyun didn't say it like it was a bad thing.

"Sorry for disturbing you,"

Jaehyun shook his head,

"I don't mind, it can be a bit lonely here." He explained.

"It can," you agreed, thinking about how Doyoung still hadn't talked to you. Your heart ached.

You walked back towards the main area together in total silence, a silence that only deepened when you spotted Doyoung, he was outside and he was talking, something that would have made you so happy, had he not been talking to Mademoiselle Isobel.

"You're fucking kidding," you thought out loud, your mouth agape.

Doyoung had a half-smile on his face as he talked seemingly happily to the Mademoiselle. He, however, immediately spotted your almost furious gaze. He stared at you as she continued talking. You didn't know if he was contemplating talking to you also, but you didn't wait to find out. You stormed off into your trailer and locked the door behind you.

He hadn't spoken to you in two years normally, but he managed just fine to talk to the new girl in town. You were furious. Of all the things he had done this made you most angry. You liked to believe that underneath it all that Doyoung still loved you too. But he couldn't even speak to you. And so you had to feel like your hope was misplaced.

There was a small knock at your door, and you looked to see Haechan and Johnny standing there with some chocolates.

"Jaehyun told us that you might need some friends," they expressed as they clambered through the small door.

"Well the chocolates are certainly welcome," you joked.

"You know you love us more," Johnny said taking a seat on your sofa. "He told us what you guys saw. You good Addie?"

You sat down next to him and lay your head on his shoulder.

"I'm more in the realm of bloody furious and vaguely disappointed."

"That sounds about right," Haechan agreed. "If it makes you feel better he hasn't talked to us either."

"It doesn't."

"You're in charge of training, make him do 300 press-ups," Johnny suggested.

You shook your head. You didn't want to talk about him anymore. It was too depressing.

"Why didn't Jaehyun come with you guys?"

"Something about it being a best friends situation," Haechan said. You pulled out your phone and texted him to come too.

"He said he feels lonely, I don't think he should have to feel like that," you explained.

Jaehyun turned up moments later with a parcel clutched under his arm.

"I thought we could watch the greatest showman," he said when you let him in, "I ordered it on DVD and it finally came today, perhaps at the right moment."

You smiled for the first time that evening.

"You're amazing, thanks Jaehyun," you said taking the DVD from him and setting it up on your small TV. You placed the sweets in front of it and pulled some blankets out of a small cupboard.

"Lads movie night," you announced to the other two. Who shrugged and turned to face the tv also.

Haechan and Johnny had called asleep before the movie even ended. In fairness, you had all seen it before but it was just the thing to cheer you up and by the time the subtitles ran, you felt a lot better. The sky was darker but it was hot inside your trailer.

"Shall I wake them up?" Jaehyun asked you, pointing to the boys. You snapped out of your daydream.

"Just leave them, they can sleep here," you stood up off the sofa and moved the boys slightly so you could swing their legs onto the sofa and placed a blanket over them.

"Do you wanna watch the stars for a bit?" You asked. Jaehyun was out staring at the stars almost every night so he nodded vigorously, with a grin you had never seen on his face before. It was cute.

You stepped outside, taking one of the blankets with you and lying it down just on the ground in front of you. You sat down and leant back against the wall of the caravan. Jaehyun followed and sat next to you.

"You're a really quick learner," you told him.

"You're a really good teacher." He replied back instantaneously. He was fidgeting, obviously once again desperate to ask you something.

You shrugged, letting him know to go ahead.

"Why is Doyoung like that, you know, drunk and rude? Why doesn't he talk to you guys anymore." He asked.

"You really don't ever ask the easy questions," you laughed slightly.

"I just wanted to know so I figured I would ask."

"It's kinda hard for me to talk about," you explained, "mostly because I don't understand myself, none of us do, I know the event that triggered it but even then I don't understand. I will tell you one day Jaehyun I'm sure, today is not that day."

He smiled at you,

"You don't ever have to tell me, I just couldn't give up the opportunity to ask."

"You will figure it out before I tell you, you couldn't perform Nox Periculosa with us and not work it out." You figured Jaehyun wouldn't understand until he realised on his own. In all honesty, it wasn't that hard to tell if you looked closely.

"Well I will keep my Sherlock Holmes hat on," he joked. You stared up at the stars he loved so much as you listened to him chatter. It was a strange sound. He hardly ever talked, he only ever talked like this when you hung out alone at night.

"Why don't you talk very often?" You asked, following his policy of curiosity.

"I used to think that I didn't want friends."

"Used to?" You inquired further.

"I didn't ever feel lonely before without friends, but when I look at you and your friends I feel like the loneliest man on earth."

You stopped looking at the stars for a second and looked over at Jaehyun. He was looking you dead in the eye. His own eyes contained an emotion you couldn't quite read. You were sure it wasn't a positive one though.

You moved your hand over to his and held on to it firmly.

"You don't need to feel lonely if you feel like that then just know that I'm always willing to hang out with you, and I'm sure the same goes for our sleepyheads inside."

Jaehyun squeezed your hand back.

"Thank you,"

"You don't thank your friends for being friends with you Jaehyun,"

"You can't tell me what to do." He joked, the corners of his eyes turning up as he smiled. You both looked back up at the stars and you were sure that neither of you felt lonely.

- • - • - • -

It was the fifth practice that week and you knew there was no more avoiding the moment. You had to teach Jaehyun the final ten seconds of the routine.

Jaehyun didn't have to do much. He just had to flip a few times then lie on the ground looking dead. Before getting up again to catch you at the end as you dropped. You, however, had to put total faith in Doyoung, as he held one of your feet and swung many times before throwing you up and catching your hand. You had to wear a blindfold so if he messed up you didn't have time to save yourself before you fell.

As you explained to Jaehyun, Doyoung sat behind you both with his eyes tightly shut.

You ignored his. Behaviour and climbed up to set the scene. Doyoung followed you up soon after. Jaehyun did his bit no problem. Doyoung waited for you to run at him to catch your leg.

His face looked like he had seen a ghost, nonetheless, he managed all of the moves seamlessly, You couldn't see anything but as you went through the air you knew the movements were correct. He caught you on time and then waited for the trapeze to go lower before he dropped you to where Jaehyun, was standing to catch you again.

You landed in Jaehyuns arms no problem. Jaehyun was smiling again.

"We did it, the whole thing!" He announced with happiness.

"Yeah," You said, only half-listening to him, Doyoung was still up on the trapeze with his eyes firmly shut. Jaehyuns gaze follows yours.

"This was it wasn't it?" He said, "something went wrong with the end of this performance," You nodded.

"Good work Sherlock," you joked, but the pain in your voice was evident.

"He dropped you right? But howe? he's so good." Jaehyun was clearly confused.

"If I knew the answer Jaehyun I would tell you, but I don't, all I know is that he messed up, I fell and landed breaking my arm, and knocking Yuta out. It almost caused the circus to have to close - health and safety. Doyoung never explained or said anything. By the time we came back from the hospital no one had seen Doyoung in weeks. When he returned it was announced he was quitting trapeze and he began to spend all day drinking."

You were so caught up in explaining the little that you knew, you never noticed Doyoung walk up behind you both. He frowned slightly before walking off. You tried not to take as much notice of it as you once would have, if Doyoung wanted to be sulky that was his own choice.

"If you ever get so good at being a detective you work what happened, feel free to enlighten me, I will buy you a brownie if you’re correct," you laughed, trying to make the situation feel better in any way possible.

Jaehyun smiled back at you,

"I will do my best Dr Watson,"

- • - • - • -

"Tell me again where we are going?" Johnny asked as you shoved him into the driver's seat of Taeyong’s car.

"To the circus," you told him jumping into the back seat next to Haechan, Jaehyun had managed to run to the front seat the fastest so he had won the best seat.

"But we are already at the circus," he said pointing to the tent behind you. You sat back in your seat exhausted before you had even begun.

"It's like a recon mission, circus spies, the Cirque de Contes is doing a one-night performance not far from here so we have been sent to check it out." You explained to Johnny, who then finally seemed to understand why the sat nav Jaehyun was typing in led to an empty field.

It was a usual thing to keep up with other circuses, make sure their performances were not greatly better than your own. The Ringmaster could never go himself or he would be spotted, so he often sent you and some others to go and watch.

"When was the last time you saw a circus?" Johnny asked Jaehyun. Jaehyun thought for a second or two before replying.

"I don't think I have ever seen a circus," he said. Johnny slammed on the breaks of the car, causing you all to jolt forward.

"This is your first time going to the circus? And you're from a circus family? The Ringmaster is your uncle right?" Haechan asked incredulously.

"Not literally my uncle, he's only a few years older than me. He has a much older brother though, who was good friends with my mum, I always called him uncle, so the same went for him I suppose." He explained.

Johnny nodded but Haechan still looked like he had seen a ghost.

"Well this is certainly unexpected," Haechan remarked.

"It's not like I came to the circus knowing anything or having any skill," Jaehyun reminded him.

"Well," You began. "It's good you have a chance now to really see the circus in action before you are a part of it. The tour starts in ten days. In ten days you really will be a circus man Jaehyun."

The drive to the other circus was short, by the time you had discussed Jaehyun's circus virginity and before Haechan had time to fully comprehend that fact. Johnny pulled the car into a parking lot on the field next to the circus tent.

When you got out of the car you handed everyone a pair of sunglasses except for Jaehyun.

"Why are you wearing sunglasses in the dark?" He asked.

"Circus folk do not take kindly to others showing up at their show, we need to be sure they won't spot us," You told him. "Your fine though, you haven't performed yet so they wouldn't know to spot you."

After donning your glasses, the four of you walked towards the bright lights of the tent that shone through the darkness.

"Have you ever thought that sunglasses at night are kinda conspicuous?" Jaehyun pointed out. Johnny shrugged.

"Some people who come to watch are weird, they won't ask questions."

You insisted that Jaehyun be the one to ask for the snacks so that the rest of you would remain incognito.

"This was just a ploy to get me to buy the snacks," Jaehyun said pouting. You giggled and placed your hand over your heart and feigned hurt.

"I would never do such a thing," you said sarcastically. Haechan reached over and grabbed popcorn from Jaehyun.

"I definitely would," he said before running off to find a good seat. Jaehyun shook his head,

"You guys are wild,"

"We just really love the circus, it's exciting."

- • - • - • -

Once you had all managed to sit down the lights in the tent dimmed and the music began. A clown came out and did standard clown things, he pied the other clown, squirted water at people, and hid a picture of himself in the bag of a poor unassuming woman only to reveal it to her later.

You made a mental note that they were using magic from the get-go. The other acts that followed were also pretty good you really enjoyed it.

You were smiling brightly until the final act came on stage, it was a trapeze that began to lower from the ceiling and two platforms came out. You didn't think this circus did trapeze, they had a few more girls on the hoops instead, that was their big aerial act.

You saw a boy come down from the ceiling on the trapeze and began to choke on your popcorn once you had realised who it was.

"Yuta," Johnny mumbled under his breath. Jaehyuns head whipped round to ask you his series of questions straight away. But you politely told him to shh.

Yuta was here at another circus, he didn't quit the circus, he just quit your circus.

"What a snake," Haechan said to Johnny.

Yuta was as good as ever, spinning and jumping, it was hard to make a one-man trapeze act interesting.

You sat stunned throughout his whole set, you couldn't even clap at the end you were still in shock.

The moment the circus finished you jumped out of your seat and ran off, the boys chasing after you.

"If you're doing what I think you are, you better not!" Johnny shouted from behind you.

You were doing what he thought, and he couldn't stop you.

You ran straight out of the circus tent and around the side, you spotted a muddy gap in the bushes to the next field, you reckoned that was where the trailers would be.

Sure enough, as you hurtled through the bushes you saw Yuta opening the door to one of the nearest caravans.

You didn't hesitate to run on into it behind him.

"How's life?" You asked him casually. Yuta looked really alarmed and you didn't know if it was because you were there in his caravan or if you were there in general.

"Addie, I didn't expect to see you here," he said slowly.

"I didn't expect you to be a traitor either," you said running headlong at the elephant in the room. You were not feeling like aimless pleasantries and small talk.

"I'm not going to apologise," Yuta said as the three boys caught up and bundled into the trailer too. "The whole gang is here huh," he remarked. "Plus a newbie, my replacement I assume."

"That's me," Jaehyun said awkwardly.

"Why did you come here?" Yuta asked.

"To scout out the circus you know how it is," Johnny said. Yuta shook his head.

"No, I mean why did Adeline run into my trailer like a crazy person?"

"I just... didn't expect to see you here," you told him.

"I have to make a living still, the circus, as before, is still the only place I want to do that, I just couldn't do it at your circus, I couldn't watch Doyoung drink himself to death, I couldn't watch you so sad every day Addie. I couldn't take it anymore." He said.

You nodded.

"I miss you, Archie, I mean Yuta."

He walked over and pulled you into a hug.

"I miss you too Ad," He let go of you slightly and looked down sadly.

"Is he any better?"

You shook your head. Knowing he was talking about Doyoung.

"He has to perform though, with us. The Ringmaster said so, we all have to do nox periculosa or he's out."

"Jesus Christ," Yuta said brushing his hair back with his hands.

"My thoughts exactly," said Johnny.

He invited you all to sit down on his sofas. With all five of you, it was a bit of a squeeze but you made it work.

"How's the new circus then?" Johnny asked him. Yuta shrugged slightly.

"It's whatever, it's better in the sense I don't have to think about the accident anymore but the people here aren't the same. I still won't say sorry for leaving though."

"You shouldn't have to, maybe I should have left to," you told him.

He cracked a smile.

"That would never have happened. I was always Yuta, not Archie, Jaehyun is Jaehyun, not Archie. But you, you are Adeline, everyone calls you that, you don't know any different. Beyond that circus, the real you doesn't exist." Yuta said.

A sad truth.

You left soon after, Yuta promised to come to watch your show when he could. He promised to meet you when you had a break, to talk about life.

You drove back near midnight to the caravans in your own circus field. It was totally silent.

"Do you think that anyone can be two different people?" You asked.

"How so?" Said Johnny.

"I was thinking about what Yuta said, that the real me doesn't exist outside the circus and yet I had always thought the opposite, that the real me lived outside the circus, I just left it behind for my character." You explained.

No one replied for at least five minutes.

"I think it's not as simple as that. You are both of them in a way but you are still only one person. As you said, no one is only good and no one is only bad. In the same way, as you are not only whoever you were and you are not only Adeline, you’re somewhere on that line."

It was Jaehyun that spoke.

"Makes sense," you agreed. Then the silence continued the whole way back.

- • - • - • -

It was almost two a.m. the night before the first performance of the year when you saw them outside your window. At first, you couldn't be sure who it was but when you opened your blinds and looked closer you were certain.

You had awoken at two a.m. to see Doyoung making out with the Mademoiselle. You felt sick, your heart hurt, worse than anything you had ever thought you felt before. Your only instinct was to leave, to get out. You ran out of your caravan and slammed the door shut, it made the pair stop and notice you but you didn't care, you ran the two hundred metres over to Jaehyun and Haechans caravan.

At first, you were sure that it was Haechan you were looking for. Then you realised the only person you wanted to talk to, to try and ease your pain was Jaehyun. You supposed it was the closeness of trapeze partners. You knocked on their door and thankfully it was Jaehyun who answered.

He stepped outside closing the door quietly behind him.

"Hey what's up, I didn't want to wake..." he cut off when he noticed the silent tears that had begun to roll down your face. He jumped off the step up to the door and wrapped his arms around you tightly, pulling you into his chest.

He didn't ask you what was wrong, he just stood there rubbing circles into your back until you managed to compose yourself slightly more.

He took your hand in his, carefully, and began to lead you out behind the caravan and over towards the circus tent.

"Why are we going here?" You asked him.

"Sometimes it's best to talk about things in the place where you feel at your best, I figured for you, that's probably in the circus ring."

At any other time, you would have grinned at how well he knew you, how kind he was. Just not that night.

He didn't say anything else until you were both sitting cross-legged opposite each other on the crash mat, situated below the tight rope, still set up from the nights practise.

"What's up?" He asked you.

You fidgeted with your hands, staring down at them. You felt nervous about your feelings for some reason as if you didn't have a right to have them.

"It was Doyoung," you said, "he was kissing Isobel."

Jaehyun looked totally surprised.

"I don't know what I expected," he said, "but it wasn't that. What a dick." The last part he said under his breath, you don't think he even meant to say it aloud.

"He ignored me for almost two years, even now he won't look at me. He dropped me on the floor, not the other way round. I never held him accountable for it either. Even in the hospital, I said it was okay and he just walked away and I have barely seen him six times since. Yet he manages to make out with some random girl who showed up less than two weeks ago." Your voice was so angry it was quiet.

"I had to talk to someone. I think that if I see him again I have a strong chance of punching him in the face," you admitted.

"I will punch him in the face for you," Jaehyun said.

"Thank you, but I meant that you should hold me back, resorting to violence won't fix anything."

"Who said I was trying to fix things?"

He was interrupted by the tent door opening. You both stood up immediately, Jaehyun stood in front of you, he reached back and squeezed your hand before turning to face Doyoung who had just walked in.

He looked slightly sheepish.

"Hey, Addie can I talk to you?" He said, "alone?"

You looked up at Jaehyun and shook your head. Usually, you fought your own battles but as you said to Jaehyun, you really didn't want to end up punching him.

"Unless you want her to slap you round the face, I suggest you get lost," Jaehyun told him.

"I just have to say one thing," Doyoung said.

"Anything you have to say to me you can say in front of Jaehyun too," you told him, still refusing to look him in the eye.

Doyoung sighed but took a few steps forward anyway. He shoved his hands in his pockets and licked his lips slightly.

"I didn't mean anything, I don't even like her that much." He said.

You moved quickly, Jaehyun never had a hope of catching you. You darted around Jaehyun and over to Doyoung, you began to attack him in various seemingly non-effective ways.

When he realised what was going on Jaehyun ran forward and grabbed you by the waist.

Doyoung didn't move, he just stood there and took the hits until Jaehyun pulled you off.

"What do you mean it didn't matter?! Does nothing matter to you, does how I feel not matter? Why Doyoung, why did you do all of this... not just this but the last two years? WHAT HAPPENED?" Tears were streaming down your face from anger.

Evidently, the commotion had caused other people to get up to come and see because Haechan came running into the tent.

"Get it together Adeline!" He shouted at you. You stopped trying to run back at Doyoung and instead crouched down on the floor and started to cry again.

Every emotion you had felt since that day was finally manifesting.

Haechan began to drag Doyoung out of the tent.

"You don't get to talk to her, not now not ever," he said as he pulled him away by the arm.

Jaehyun stayed and crouched down next to you.

"Don't cry Addie," He said, his voice sounded so sad, it almost made you want to cry more. "He really isn't fucking worth it."

- • - • - • -

Jaehyun walked with you back to your caravan, you opened the door that you had forgotten to lock in the midst of your emotions. Jaehyun turned round to leave but you grabbed him by the arm.

"Would you mind staying with me for a bit? I just don't want to be by myself," you told him. Jaehyun nodded and followed you inside, shutting the door softly behind him.

You pulled back the shutter to your bedroom and looked down. Only to realise this whole time you had been in your pyjamas shorts. You sat down in your bed and patted next to you for Jaehyun to beside you.

"I'm really sorry," you told him.

"Don't be sorry, you had every right to be angry." He replied.

You shook your head.

"You shouldn't have had to stop me from assaulting someone."

"Isn't that what trapeze partners are for?" He joked causing you to smile ever so slightly.

"I just loved him for so long I guess, I don't know how not to love him."

You looked up at Jaehyun's face, his lips were turned into a frown. His eyes were creased in concern and yet for the first time, you noticed how pretty his eyelashes were. Jaehyun really was an attractive person.

Neither of you said anything but you were so close that you could feel Jaehyun's breath against your skin.

Jaehyun reached over and brushed a loose strand of hair behind your ear gently. He didn't move his hand, it stayed gently rested on your cheek as he scrutinised your face just as you had scrutinised his.

His eyes flicked down to your lips and your faces moved close together once more.

Jaehyun closed his eyes and at the same time he closed the gap between your lips and his, he pressed them softly together, only for a few fleeting seconds.

He pulled away abruptly.

"I'm so sorry, I really didn't mean to do that, it so awful of me to do that right now, I'm.."

You cut him off by kneeling up and using both of your hands to pull his lips back to yours. You kissed him deeper this time, your lips moved quickly against his, you were desperate for the feeling that kissing Jaehyun was giving you, it was happy and safe and .. all the things you hadn't felt since Doyoung.

You pulled back after a while and stared at Jaehyun, his cheeks had gone red and he looked really nervous as he began to apologise again.

"I shouldn't have done that, not when you are so upset." He looked really sad.

"Was kissing me really that bad?" You joked. Jaehyun shook his head immediately, it was cute you noticed. You had started to notice a lot about Jaehyun in the last few hours.

"No of course not, but it still wasn't right of me,"

You looked up at the beige ceiling,

“I thought we agreed that good and bad aren't so obvious?” You reminded him. You knew it was bad of you to use Jaehyun to ease your own pain, but you didn’t know how else.

“Are you sure?” Jaehyun asked. You pulled your shirt off as a reply, hands moving to his chest pushing him back into the pillows.

“Never been more sure of anything,” you mumbled as you trailed kisses down his neck, unbuttoning his shirt. When you traced his muscles with your hand he moaned lightly, eyes fixed on you.

You went back to kissing him as one of your hands travelled down to palm his underwear, feeling his member harden with your every touch.

It didn’t take you long until your fingers curled under his waistband, dragging his underwear down to fully expose his length. You began to kiss the tip before Jaehyun stopped you, he pulled your head back up, level with his.

“I want to make you feel better baby, you don’t have to do this for me, today is about you.” He said.

He pulled down your jeans before sliding his hand into your panties, a moan escaped your lips as he began to rub circles into your clit. Your wetness soaking though, Jaehyun realised how desperate you were to be touched. He moved to sit between your legs, pulling your underwear away, before leaning down replacing his hand with his mouth, causing you to gasp.

“Does that feel good babygirl?” he asked, before sliding his finger into your wetness. You nodded slightly, unable to form words properly due to the sensory overload. He kissed your neck, you knew he was going to leave a mark, but you didn’t care, especially when he inserted a second finger, pumping at an excruciatingly slow rate.

“Shit Jaehyun, I need more,” you said, feeling tortured by his slow pace, “I want you to fuck me,” you said, a slight blush spreading across your cheeks.

Jaehyun pulled away and grinned up at you, eyes glistening,

“Whatever you want,”

He reached into the pocket of his jacket, trying to be as quick as possible, he pulled out a condom, rolling it down his length before positioning himself.

“Are you really sure?” he checked, chuckling at how needy you were for his cock.

He moaned softly as he slid into you and then back out at the same slow pace as before, perhaps just to annoy you.

“faster,” you whined. Jaehyun kissed your lips once more before starting to thrust forward quickly, burying his dick inside of you. Whatever you had prepared for it wasn’t that, tears pricked your eyes as he stretched out walls, thrusting relentlessly.

“you look so pretty, taking my cock,” he smiles,

“only for you,” you said, pulling his lips back to yours, for a second before he focused again, he brought one hand down to rub your clit as he fucked you, his other hand tangled in your hair.

This added stimulation was almost too much for you to handle.

“Cum for me baby,” Jaehyun encouraged you as your walls clenched tight around his cock as you came, moaning his name. The sight of your orgasm had given Jaehyun everything he needed or wanted, as a few seconds later you felt his length twitch inside you, before he pulled out, laying down beside you.

He pulled the duvet up to cover you both before turning to face you.

“Are you in the habit of having sex with your trapeze partners,” he joked, draping an arm over you.

“I do really like you Jaehyun, it’s not just because of Doyoung,” you explained.

Jaehyun looked up at the ceiling, “but it is partly because of him... I’ll take what I can get I guess... I’ve never felt closer to anyone than I do to you... and I don’t even know your name.”

“And I’m still not ready to tell you. I know it doesn’t make sense but,”

Jaaehyun cut you off.

“I get it, it was special between you and him, only he knew.”

He paused for a while.

“I will make sure you learn to love me more than him,” He said. “Because that’s what you deserve.”

[thoughtfullyyoungduck]

Never thought twice

A/N: hey guys it’s been awhile. College is killing me lmao. Anyways I hope you enjoy! if anyone has any requests feel free to send them in! 

summary; after Eddie overhears a comment from his coworker, he starts to doubt that he shows his affection for Richie enough.

Eddie had never really given much thought to the way he acted around Richie. They had met so early on in life, that dealing with Richie was just like breathing. He loved all his interactions with Richie, though he could sometimes be a bit much. Back before they started dating, when they were just friends, no- best friends, all they ever did was bicker.

Eddie quite liked the way were around each other, and so even when they changed their relationship to more than friends, it didn’t have an impact on their conversations, and the way they talked to each other.

He never thought twice about how Richie would feel about that. At least he didn’t, until Eddie overheard his coworker jokingly saying to one of her friends that it didn’t seem like him and Richie were a couple. In fact, she had compared their relationship to a train wreck just waiting to happen. She went in great detail about how Eddie never seemed to be affectionate around Richie, and it seemed like he was repulsed by his touch.

Logically, Eddie knew that his coworker was just a gossiper. But that didn’t stop his mind from repeating the words over and over again in his head like a broken record, just like the words of his mom stuck to the edges of his brain, refusing to disappear.

Eddie realized that he wasn’t very touchy feeling with Richie. It just wasn’t his personality. It was Richie’s personality though, and he showed it plenty.

He showed it by constantly touching Eddie in any shape way or form. It wasn’t like Eddie didn’t love it when Richie reached out and grabbed his hands, or when he would randomly stop in the middle of his sentences to reach down and kiss Eddie. It was just that Eddie never initiated these things. He waited until Richie did something, always following his lead when it came to intimacy. it was strange because in every other aspect Eddie had no problem taking matters into his own hands. Richie had helped with that. He felt safe with Richie, and he knew Richie would never ever intentionally or not hurt him. Nevertheless, he couldn’t bring himself to do anything about intimacy or his problem with initiating it.

Sofie, the coworker he overheard, knew nothing about Richie and his relationship. Richie loved him, just as much as Eddie loved him. There was no question, not even an inkling of doubt in Eddie’s mind that both of them were smitten for each other. But, as Beverly had once told him after a night of going to town with alcohol bought in the cheap liquor store when they were teenagers, Richie would do and drop everything in a heartbeat for Eddie.

If Eddie said that Richie had to eat stuff of the floor, he wouldn’t even pause. Which just- Eddie shuddered even having to think about doing that. He knew Richie was infuriated with him, and he was afraid, especially after hearing the gossip Sofie had so lovingly spread, that he loved Eddie too much.

He would die for Richie, he had thought about that for a long time and sometimes it scared him. How confidently he could say that, without thinking twice. Despite that, he didn’t think he could ever kiss more than just a peck in public, or would be able to go to fan events with Richie. Which, in all honesty, made him feel like a horrible boyfriend.

Richie was famous, but Eddie couldn’t go with him to his Emmy nomination. He tried, desperately, but he had a panic attack in the car and Richie had almost missed the ceremony because of it. He didn’t try and go again.

Richie, of course, didn’t care about any of this. Or he at the very least didn’t show it. Eddie came to the frightening realization that, though Richie had never voiced his complains about how Eddie behaved around him, he never actually told Eddie he liked whatever they had going.

It had been a week since Eddie had heard that comment, and it was still in the front of his mind. He was acting weird around Richie now, unable to hide anything from the man he had loved since he first understood what the concept of real love was like. When he was a little kid, the manipulation his mom put him through was enough to made him think that love equaled rough touches, doctor checkups and taking someone to the doctor for a paper cut.

So needless to say that it took a while for Eddie to comprehend that he loved Richie. Richie was getting concerned, his nervous ticks showing up again. He stuffed his hands in his pockets if he was getting anxious, and he would spend an overwhelming amount of time trying to brush out the knots in his hair. It was Eddie’s favorite thing to do for his boyfriend, and it hurt him to see Richie being so violent with his hair. It didn’t hurt as much as it gutted Eddie to see Richie getting more and more swallowed up by his anxiety. He knew a conversation was going to come up eventually.

He just didn’t think he was ready for it. Eddie had always been a coward, and even more so now. He loved him so much, and he knew that Richie deserved better, but he was also selfish. If Richie wanted to break up with him, than Eddie was going to drag it out as long as possible. When Eddie finally made it home from his job the following day with a long sigh, Richie was waiting for him in the living room. Thanks to his job, Richie was home almost constantly, and though some people might find that annoying, Eddie loved it. Instantly, Eddie’s already relaxing body tensed up again. The look Richie shot him was one of worry, and Eddie panicked internally.

He tried to smile, but it clearly didn’t meet his eyes, as Richie just raised an eyebrow in return. Shrugging his jacket of his shoulders, Eddie turned with his back towards Richie, taking deep breaths while hanging up his coat.

‘Eds’, Richie started, and even though tilt had only been a few hours, Eddie had missed his voice so much. He surely didn’t tell him as much as he should.

‘Hey baby, how was your day?’ Eddie responded, trying to keep his voice light. He almost winced. He never really used a nickname on Richie, except for Rich and trashmouth. He felt dread settle in. It wouldn’t surprise him if Richie wanted out of their relationship, Eddie had been nothing but selfish.

When he turned around, he saw Richie’s scrunched up face. He looked like he was trying to figure something out, and he was trying to stay serious, but it wasn’t long before he bursted out laughing. Eddie deflated a bit, his first attempt wasn’t going great so what? ‘Shut up asshole’, Eddie said, instantly wanting to knock himself over the head. He was such an idiot. Richie only laughed harder, whipping literal tears away. ‘Baby’, he repeated, still chuckling. Eddie couldn’t help but grin back at him, unable to stop himself when he saw Richie’s face light up.  

After Richie had finally finished laughing, Eddie reached forward to give him a kiss, which is what he usually did right after getting home. Richie turned serious again, reaching for Eddie’s hand when he went to pull away. ‘Hey Eds’, he started. Eddie opened his mouth, his lips already forming the words to his standardized sentence like a reflex, before slamming it shut with an audible click. He really needed to practice being nicer to Richie. He never meant anything with cruel intentions, when he called Richie trashmouth he meant it in a loving sort of way. He had assumed Richie knew that, but lately he wasn’t so sure. 

Richie looked taken aback when Eddie didn’t correct him on ‘Eds’, but chose to ignore that in spite of the feeling of fear forming a ball in his stomach. ‘Are you okay?’ Richie finished, his eyes question, pushing the glasses further on his face. Eddie nodded, smiling a lot him a little wider than he usually would. ‘Yeah babe, everything was fine. You know normal boring stuff at work. The kind you don’t want hear about. How was your day?’

Richie had a questioning look featured in his face, yet he seemed to come to the conclusion that Eddie wasn’t going to tell him what was up.

‘It was good, I worked some more on jokes for my next segment, do you wanna hear them?’

Eddie nodded enthusiastically, and this time it wasn’t forced or anything he had to think about. Though he would often pretend to be disgusted by the words coming out of the comedians mouth about their relationship, in reality he found it hilarious.

He often made fun of Richie’s jokes though, taunting him whatever line he came up with. Richie always laughed when Eddie roasted him, including those roast during his performances as well. Eddie didn’t feel like roasting his boyfriend now though.

Richie turned excitedly towards his laptop. He had slammed it shut when Eddie came in, and was now opening it again. As he did he absentmindedly scooched closer to where Eddie was sitting, causing their bodies to touch as much as possible.

Eddie’s heart soared, he loved this man so much. He never thought he’d have the courage to admit it, but after almost dying, thankfully pulling through at the last minute, he wasn’t going to spend another second on running away from the things he wanted.

‘I was wondering if we could order take out’, Richie commented offhandedly, still trying to open the document he had been working on. Eddie glanced at the calendar, hanging next to the giant clock they had in their living room, and saw that it was a Tuesday. Tuesdays were usually reserved for Eddie to cook.

On Tuesday, Friday and Sunday Eddie prepared meals, the other days of the week Richie takes care of whatever meal he had in mind. Eddie had been fine with scrambling a meal together every night, but he often tried doing making something healthy to balance the junk they ate when it was Richie’s turn. In other words, on Tuesday, Friday and Sunday they ate stuff Richie would never in his life had considered eating before Eddie.

He never complained about the meals he had to eat, probably because Eddie would throw a fit if he didn’t have vegetables at least twice a week. But that didn’t mean that he actually liked them. Eddie must have waited too long, because Richie looked up from his screen to follow his gaze.

‘oh shit sorry Spaghetti, I thought we were Wednesday today, what do you plan on making?’

Richie had said it casually, and he probably didn’t mean anything more than he said, but Eddie wouldn’t be himself if he didn’t overthink everything. He laughed, though it sounded like he was starting to go crazy.

‘No it’s fine, what would you like? Do you want Chinese? Or do you want some pizza? Hold on I’ll call them’, Eddie rushed out, jumping up to get his phone from his pocket.

Richie watched him go, explaining that he didn’t need to order food and that he was just as happy eating whatever Eddie chose to make, but Eddie was to busy rushing to the phone to pay attention to what Richie was saying. As the night went on and Eddie not once roasted Richie, even on stuff that Richie had set up to be roasted, he got even more worried.

Over the next week, things got strained between the two lovers. Richie had no idea how to feel or think about the change in Eddie’s behavior. It was a vicious cycle they had fallen under. Eddie would be way more touching then he usually watch, Richie would find it weird and hold back on his part, touching him less and less, which caused Eddie to panic and made him hang off Richie even more.

Finally, Richie had had enough. Richie had asked Eddie to go to a restaurant with him, so he had no choice but to listen to whatever Richie had to say. Eddie had tried avoiding having an actual conversation with Richie, he knew that he was being weird towards his boyfriend, but he loved Richie too much to lose him.

He didn’t really have a choice though, he had missed having actual conversation with Richie. He really missed bickering with Richie too if he was being honest with himself, it’s what made their relationship interesting, and it was how it had always been between the two of them.

When Eddie and Richie got to the restaurant, a small Italian place where they had their first date, there was an uncomfortable silence between the two of them. Eddie had tried, during their ride, to start up a conversation, but a tense gaze from Richie told him that a pet name, was not going to make the conversation better at all.

They ordered their standard meals, dividing wine between them and stole glances when they thought the other wasn’t looking The silence was finally broken when a woman came up to Richie and asked for a picture, her hands lingering a little too long on one of Richie’s shoulder.

Eddie felt his face flush. When he was still married to Myra, he had never been a jealous person. He couldn’t care less about who had eyes for her, and if a guy had showed up and asked Myra to date him, Eddie was sure he wouldn’t have even stopped him.

Since starting to date Richie though, he couldn’t help but feel at all the attention Richie constantly received. Being famous meant that a lot of people knew who Richie was, so he never had  When she finally left, after telling Richie how amazing he was and how he was so perfect Eddie felt like he was about to explode. He took his wine glass in hand, grumbling under his breath.

Richie, who knew damn well that the lady had been flirting with him but didn’t care because he only has eyes for Eddie, turned to him with a smirk. ‘Why can she do that so easily but I can’t’, Eddie mumbled under his breath, not intending for Richie to hear him, but he did.

Richie’s smirk fell of his face. He reached his hand across the table, clasping Eddie’s hand in his. ‘You alright there Spaghetti-O’?

When Eddie did nothing but nod, Richie squeezed his hand. He waited until Eddie locked eyes with him, before trying again.

‘Are you finally ready to tell me what’s going on? Why you’ve been acting so weird?’ Richie had been wondering for days if he did something to upset Eddie. If he did something wrong and Eddie was ghosting him in some way, though he knew Eddie would never do that. If eddie was mad, he’d respond to that right away, not just dropping hints, but going straight for the throat.

Embarrassingly to Eddie, his eyes started welling up with tears. He did his best to try and coil them away, but it didn’t help much, especially not when Richie’s own eyes welled up with tears. Richie had always been a sympathetic crier.

‘Eds’, Richie tried, but he was interrupted by Eddie. All the weeks frustration and annoyance was finally coming out.

‘I just don’t understand why it’s so easy for other people to be so affectionate. I tried so hard but I can’t help that you’re a dumbass sometimes and I like to make fun of you. I hate that my stupid colleague is making me doubt everything about us. Tell me Rich are you unhappy?’

Before Richie has the chance to answer, Eddie is already raging trough.

‘I know you love to touch and I love that you do that. I love you, but I just don’t think that’s me. I tried so hard, and all it got us was awkward silence. I love how we bicker, I love how that’s perfectly us, but I hate that I’m making it seem like I don’t like you. I’ve always liked, ever since we were kids And you love me so perfectly, you’re able to do all these affectionate things and I don’t even have a nickname for you or anything. I’m sorry okay. I’m sorry. I’m trying my best to change all that but I can’t make it better in just a week so please, please give me another chance.’ Eddie didn’t dare to look up at Richie, scared of what he’s reaction might be.

Richie started giggling, actually giggling. ‘Are you fucking giggling right now asshole?’ Eddie asked, his voice tinged with a sharp edge.

Richie smiled at him, tightening their finger together. ‘I missed you calling me an asshole Eds.’ Richie said, shaking his head fondly.

‘You think I love you perfectly? I think you love me just fine, Eddie spaghetti. You’re absolutely right, I touch you way more than you do to me, I know exactly what you like because your mother loved all those things too.’ Eddie snorted, trying to cover it up by coughing.

‘But that doesn’t mean I love you more than you love me. You show me you love me just as much, just in different ways. You make sure I eat healthy by cooking three times a week even after all the hard work you did during the day. You listen to my jokes and give me honest opinions about what I should keep and what I should change. I wouldn’t change anything about the way you insult me, because I know you love me. I know you don’t do it to hurt me, so I’m not hurt at all.’

‘You’re amazing Eds, I can’t believe you don’t know that. Should I tell you more often, baby?’ He spoke, teasing Eddie about him calling Richie ‘baby’ all week.

Eddie snorted once more, he hated that sound, but Richie absolutely adored it. Still, he was nothing but sincere when he said ‘thank you’, to Richie.

‘So does that mean I can finally start being mean to you again? Because seriously who picked that outfit? It looks like someone set it on fire.’

Richie’s loud uninhibited laugh rang through the entire restaurant, but Eddie didn’t care one bit.

‘Sure thing Eds.’

‘Don’t fucking call me that.’

[ohwereusingourmadeupnames]

And the Sunshine Shinin’

Pairing: Peter Parker/Tony Stark Rating: Explicit (E) Warnings: stripper!Tony, smut Notes: I used @modest-demon‘s artwork as inspiration for this one. If you want the full effect, take a peak at it here before you read through this :D Summary:

Tony Stark is a notorious stripper going by the name Iron Man. The further he gets into his career, the more behind the scenes he becomes until he's only working private jobs. Peter Parker hires Iron Man for MJ's bachelorette party and sexy stripper Tony Stark dances his little heart out. Little does Peter know that Tony Stark is Morgan Barnes-Rogers's Uncle Tony. Things get interesting when he walks with her into Peter's kindergarten class the morning after their strip club experience.

You can read it on AO3 here

Tony never thought he’d make stripping a career. In fact, he’d never stepped foot into a strip club until the first day of what would become a pretty damn good job for a long time. He’d been struggling since graduating from MIT – the prospect of joining good ole’ daddy dearest in his suits and executive bull shit made Tony’s stomach curl every single time he thought about it. Not only did he have a pretty subpar relationship with his father, he also wasn’t known for being able to sit still for long periods of time – and the executive side of Stark Industries did not include regular recess – he checked. Jumping from department to department wasn’t helping anyone. Tony regularly complained about how bored and restricted he felt, and his father was always going on about the lack of effort coming from his son. The prospect of turning 18 brought a lot of things with it, one of them being a complete sense of freedom.

When Steve, one of his buddies he’d met in college and then again through the Stark Industries internship program, mentioned what he did on the side for “fun” money, Tony was instantly intrigued. There weren’t a lot of people privy to the information, but he’d been taking formal dance lessons since his mom mistakenly put him in a ballet class at the ripe again of 6. The glaringly obvious opportunity in front of Tony’s face came with added benefit of pissing his father off if the man ever decided to track him down or find out what he did with his time. Who would have thought that a teenage act of rebellion could be something that was just so – right? That first night walking into the club, Tony felt more nervous than he ever did during a test at MIT or a presentation at his father’s company. The adrenaline coursing through his veins was the thing missing and he knew it right away. He’d been pretty sure of it putting his routine together earlier that afternoon – his feelings in that instant sealed the deal.

The guys are the door were thorough in their inquisition about his age and a couple different forms of ID had him in the door – the look shared between the man and Steve probably working in his favor, too. In all honesty, he probably only had one shot to make an impression at a place like the one they were in – the club obviously more upscale than some of the others out there. He followed Steve closely, the narrow hallway like something Tony never experienced before. It funneled down into what he quickly found to be a dressing room with men and women alike in various degrees of undress. It was an instant sensory overload – and he wondered how people ever got used to it. Though, thinking about it, he’d need to get over it pretty quickly. There were bound to be a pretty decent collection of humans on the other side of the door. Sucking in a breath, Tony squared his shoulders up and walked over to the empty space next to Steve.

“I didn’t work out a costume. You think there’d be something I could put on for tonight?” Tony asked Steve under his breath, his friend chuckling – a long finger pointing to a big closet in the corner. “You take it, you wash it. Just make sure you can move in it and get it off,” Steve replied steadily, his own pilot costume laid out on the bench in front of them. Tony nodded and made a straight beeline to the closet – there was a wide selection of the customary clichés, all things Tony figured he’d never be able to pull off. Digging into the stuff a little bit more, he found a black vest that was thick leather halfway until what he assumed would be mid-chest and the rest was solid strips of that same leather, like the billowing plastic pieces at the end of bike handles. He smirked and pulled the vest against his chest – the piece of music he’d dance to finally clicking into his head. The black leather chaps he found at the beginning of his search would go perfectly with the piece of main inspiration for the personality he planned to portray.

Getting the pants on, he felt confused by the suspenders attached to them, but went with it – they looked good down off of his shoulders and would create movement throughout his routine rather nicely. He slipped back into the shoes he decided to wear and took a look in the full-length mirror on the wall – his eyes bulging for a second at the sexy stranger he saw looking back at him. The outfit enhanced all the things Tony was looking to put on display and it gave him more of a darker vibe – something he wanted to make sure he projected, too. The air of mystery seemed to be half the fun of something like this – if he could keep people on their toes, how could they not come back for more? Running both hands through his hair, Tony ruffled the locks giving himself the fresh out of bed look. Hopefully his choices would have the desired effect and capture the audience’s attention. Though he’d never used a pole or danced in front of a crowd in a way meant to be titillating, Tony knew what it was like to desire attention and found many ways to acquire it over the years.

What more was taking your clothes off for someone other than the explicit and sometimes forceful demand for attention?

The steady thrum of nervousness stuck around and kept Tony in front of the mirror, the younger man watching himself move through the motions he’d been practicing – his natural ability to understand the beat of music would help him, but he wanted to be prepared. The last thing he wanted was to go out there and make a total ass of himself. He raptly watched the suspenders down by his hips fly through the air out of a turn and smiled – his outfit choice really was exactly what he was looking for.

He took a break from worrying to watch a bit of Steve’s dance from the side of the stage – the guy couldn’t really dance, but the firmness of his body and the boyish charm he used seemed to have the same effect. Watching an older lady put a five-dollar bill in the small waistband hiding under the plain black pants he started the routine in was one of the best experiences Tony could remember having and immediately eased all the lingering feelings of self-doubt. If dopey ass Steve Rogers could win over the old bitties – Tony would be way more than okay.

He watched with fascination as Steve came back into the locker room covered in sweat and fisting several bills in his hands – a black trash bag slung over his shoulder. Tony yearned to feel the tangibility of cash he got to shake his ass for and gladly gave up his music request to the sound guy a few minutes before stepping on stage himself. There was just enough time to give Rogers some shit before going out and doing the same damn thing.

“I thought that old lady was going to go for the whole package, Stevie – you got lucky,” Tony smirked, the shit talk falling seamlessly from his lips. Steve colored and smacked him on the bare shoulder, “It’s your turn next, Tony. They’re going to love you,” he felt the other man’s eyes trail over him for a second and then the glance was gone – the idea of it enough to add to the little bit of confidence he’d managed to acquire throughout the night waiting to perform.

Tony ran through the routine he’d put together in his mind a couple more times on his way up to the stage – he practiced a couple shimmies and then straightened himself up. With all of his costume in place, Tony waited impatiently for his time on the stage. Before stepping up, a guy with a microphone in his hand stopped him – his hand flat on the naked flesh of Tony’s stomach. He looked up surprised, the idea of being touched so candidly still something that was settling into the depths of his mind.

To make this work, he’d quickly need to get over it and as the fingers lingered for an extra second, Tony took a deep breath and pushed the gross feeling that threatened to overtake him away. “What’s your name, kid?” The guy asked now that he’d successfully gotten Tony’s attention. “Tony,” he said back to him quickly. The man smirked and shook his head. “What’s your stage name?” Tony felt a flush of embarrassment run through him, but quickly got his shit together – the perfect name coming to the forefront of his mind almost instantly.

“I’m Iron Man,” Tony said with confidence, his eyes wide with excitement.

The announcer made up some bull shit about Tony’s backstory while he got himself set up on the middle of the stage – the lights still low. He gave the opening music a couple seconds to play before he stepped forward and started to roll his hips – the sweet beats of Ginuwine the soundtrack to a life changing experience.

Needless to say, Tony truly found himself on the stage that night – his black trash bag full of money a true motivator. The subtle fuck you he said to all the people who didn’t give a shit about him a fabulous consolation prize.

----

The brilliance of that night was almost twenty years ago. Just like Tony figured, the costume idea and stage name went off like a rocket – his career bloomed so quickly that he didn’t have a chance to think about his father’s disappointment or the untimely death of his mother only a couple weeks after that first dance. The more time he spent on the stage, the more people seemed to like him. With his structured dance background and ability to be shameless, Tony easily understood just how right the business was for him. After that initial time up on the stage, Tony got his feet under him and started to dance more and more throughout the night. Instead of going once an hour, he went twice – and when someone was missing for the night, or not getting as much in the way of tips like the rest of them, Tony filled in there, too. It was easy to see that his mysterious persona and crazy moves on the pole were crowd favorites. Who would have thought being able to move his hips and look good almost naked would make a name for him?

Things stayed that way for a while, too. Tony left his engineering background behind and focused completely on dancing. And since he had such a following, the club he danced in let him use the poles and dance floor space whenever he wanted. The routines and moves changed, but Tony kept with his signature style. The main addition that stuck with the rest of his get up was a felt cowboy hat. He used it often to keep the brim low over his eyes – the inability to see his stare always seemed to do the trick. When he’d slide down onto his knees and pull the hat off of his head, the crowd went crazy. For most of his performances, Tony kept that air of mystery about him and only let the crowd get a glimpse of anything other than his swaying hips and tight ass once or twice per dance. On top of that, he spent a good amount of time on the pole throughout his dances – the only thing a spectator could really see was the way he spun, or the tightness of his legs when he’d slide down with no hands and only the muscles in his thighs to stop him.

About ten years into his career, Tony got offered an opportunity to move to a new club with a few of the guys he’d been dancing with for a while. Between him and Steve – Fury’s did really well, and though they made the club more money than it ever made before, their cuts of the take were not going up in the same way. It never bothered Tony much, he took in enough on his own to make at least a thousand dollars any of the nights he danced. Yet, he couldn’t miss out on the opportunity to take a place from the ground floor up. He owed Nick Fury a whole lot for initially taking a chance on young Tony Stark – however, he owed himself a lot more and the move to Marvel’s Finest was the easiest decision Tony could remember making since stepping on the stage for the first time. Aside from dancing, Tony and Steve spent a good bit of time recruiting other dancers and after a couple years of making the club a success – Tony started to take his turn behind the microphone as an MC.

For about thirteen years, Tony appreciated the stripping life for all that it was. The parties, the ability to make a whole month’s worth of money in one night, even the drugs every now and again. It was easy to let the years pass by in a haze of dance routines and pot-induced binges. He liked the notoriety of being Iron Man and for a long while, that was enough. Things started to change when Steve met Bucky and all of the people around him were suddenly starting to settle down. His friend still danced of course – one couldn’t give up primetime floor spots on Friday and Saturday nights, but he was also starting to move his work life away from the club. Though he’d never admit it, Tony felt a little jealous anytime he saw the two of them together and felt like an old fuck when he was around some of the younger dancers that were getting the easy attention of the crowd like he used to. People came specifically to see Tony these days – he wasn’t pulling the wild and spontaneous crowds the way the younger guys were. And all of the sudden, dancing wasn’t enough.

Of course, he’d been a college graduate since the prime age of 15 – he had a mechanical engineering degree under his belt, one from MIT of all places. If he wanted, he could walk back into Stark Industries, which was still being run by his stingy, asshole of a father, and get his job back. The idea of it popped into his head a few times but then he always remembered how miserable he’d been there, how boring the humdrum of day to day shit was in a stuffy situation like cooperate America. The entire reason he’d escaped to dancing in the first place was to get away from that situation – no, that wouldn’t work. No, instead of heading back into the fire of being a businessperson, Tony wanted something with creative freedom, something that would allow him to do what he wanted when he wanted.

The perfect opportunity fell into his hands when he spent a random afternoon with Bucky, the man a perfect mixture of old fashioned and hippy. His creative spirit always had Steve out at art shows or taking in theater – in all the time Tony knew the guy, he never thought to picture Steve Rogers in an opera house. He seemed smitten, though, so Tony went out of his way to get to know the guy – to create a relationship with him that could withstand Steve keeping Bucky in his life. The first few times were a little weird, kind of awkward – Tony wasn’t the easiest to get along with and Bucky’s personality threw the man for a loop. The more time Tony spent with him though, the more Tony understood why he was perfect for Steve and the more he realized just how cool the guy actually was.

They were out hiking at one of the remote locations the group found earlier that summer, enjoying the bright sunshine and absence of other humans. Tony watched with curious eyes as Bucky pulled a camera from his bag and started to take pictures of everything around him. He’d seen the man’s disposables before, but this thing was nice – a fully functional film camera with a wide digital display. He looked over the man’s shoulder while he showed him a couple of the functions. “Do you want to try it?” Bucky asked, his hand already in the process of handing the thing over to Tony before he could even respond. He nodded anyway and eagerly accepted the camera, the tech part of his brain already trying to categorize all the different parts and pieces. He didn’t take a picture for a while and simply studied the tech in his hands. Knowing how it worked always helped Tony make the most of those functions. Fiddling with it, he happened to glance up and see Bucky staring out into the distance. Without much thought, Tony brought the camera up and glanced down the viewfinder – he fiddled with the focus slightly and pressed his finger against the button, the snap of the shudder oddly satisfying.

A couple of weeks later, Tony was practicing a new routine in the gym and dance space he converted the garage of the house into. The garage door was wide open, so he shouldn’t have been surprised when he finally noticed the presence of another human. He’d been balls deep in step counts and music timing to even notice Steve – his friend was leaned against the open wall watching him when Tony came to. “What the fuck, Rogers?” Tony asked, the man grabbing the towel he’d thrown against the chair he kept around to toss himself into when he needed a break and wiping his brow. The taller man smiled and pointed at the open door. “If you didn’t want someone to come in, you shouldn’t keep the door wide open. Besides, I needed to show you this,” Steve unfolded his arms and revealed the brown envelope he’d been holding in his hand. “Bucky was showing me the prints from your hike a few weeks ago and when he showed me this one, I had to catch my breath.” Finally, he let the envelope out of his hand, Tony’s sweaty fingers fumbling with it. He pulled the photo of Bucky he sneakily snapped out and glanced at it – he looked lost in thought, a soft smile on his lips pulling the whole thing together.

“This is the best picture I’ve ever seen, Tony,” Steve said after a couple minutes of silence. Tony blinked back from his observation and tilted his head. “Thanks, Cap. Now tell me why you needed to interrupt rehearsal to tell me that,” Tony snapped back, his eyes still focused on the really good picture in his grasp. He knew exactly what the other man was alluding to. The idea of crafting his own camera and getting really good behind it had passed through his mind multiple times since he realized how cool the science behind photography really was. Maybe a push in that direction would be enough to motivate him – to convince him of the worth of the knowledge in his head. He got his wish – Stevie boy never missing the opportunity to impart wisdom upon him.

“You’ve been looking for something to do. I think you found it. The dance company Bucky’s niece dances at is looking for an in-house photographer. Do your smart kid thing, practice a little, and see if maybe you like seeing dance from a different perspective. It might keep you busy,” Steve motioned for the picture back as he spoke, his hands a little reverent as he put it back into the envelope for safe keeping. “Think about it,” he spoke again, Steve’s free hand patting Tony’s shoulder lightly. Watching him wipe his hand off against his jeans was the right amount of satisfaction – the man’s words fresh in Tony’s ears when he turned back to the open floor and started going through the motions of the routine again.

The start of that new adventure was slow going. Tony decided that if he was going to get into the business, he wanted to have a piece of technology that he knew would do the work he wanted it to do. He got the same model as Bucky’s and made a bunch of custom adjustments to it – both in its programming and the structure. The camera body’s ability to have several different lenses attached to it brought even more ideas for adjustments to be made. By the time he felt satisfied he’d spent more time screwing around with the camera than actually using the damn thing. Tony spent an annoying amount of time snapping away during rehearsals and whatever photos he could get of Steve working or him and Bucky interacting together. Tony knew the easiest way to get good at something was to practice, so he did. Little by little, he felt himself find a level of comfort behind the camera – to the point where he wanted to be there more often times than not.

The job with the dance academy opened a ton of doorways for Tony and after a couple years, he felt good enough about the steadiness of work that he could deem the business he put together successful. T. Stark Photography – the business cards he passed out were sleek and mysterious, just how Tony liked it. It felt good to be known by others in a way that didn’t include him taking off his clothes and dancing to rocky-stripper beats. The more he got into the photography world, including modifying cameras and mastering all of the Adobe Photo products, the further he allowed himself to stray from the stripping world. He started to do more MC work and when he did dance, it was for private parties and small groups at Marvel’s Finest. With all of the changes, Tony could finally say he felt pretty good about his life and himself. There was enough money coming in to keep him in the nice house he’d built from the ground up and freedom to do what he wanted, when he wanted.

Which is why Tony found himself taking a stripping job for the first time in a while – the guy on the phone sounding very enthusiastic and eager, the combination of which was very hard for Tony to turn down. He made the appointment and scheduled his remaining photo gigs for the month around the private dance at Marvel’s Finest for a Michelle Jones’s bachelorette party. The thing that really made him smile was the fact that the person on the other side of the phone was looking for Iron Man specifically – not just the dancer Tony Stark. He’d been much more open about who he was the more time he spent behind the microphone instead of on the stage. Only some of the older people who saw Tony dance in his younger years still knew him as Iron Man. Well, he’d also done a magazine spread in Play Girl once – but that was years ago, too.

The night of the party ended up on a Thursday, which worked out perfectly for Tony. Steve and Bucky tied the knot about a year after Tony’s photography journey started. It was the very first wedding Tony shot and still his very favorite. There are still several of the prints from it littered around his in-home studio. A year after that, they adopted a baby girl named Morgan – and Tony immediately fell in love with her. They gave him the privilege of being Uncle Tony and ever since she was big enough, he took care of her on Friday’s. The girl was now 5 years old and one of the coolest people he’d ever known. He got to take her to school for the first time, too – so Tony found himself excited most of the day Thursday. For the first time in a while, he was ready to dance and have fun with people that were obvious fans of his “work”. Then, he’d start the weekend off with one of his favorite humans on the planet. The chocolate chips for their traditional Friday night pancakes were on his counter, waiting eagerly to be consumed.

A few minutes before he was set to perform, Tony found himself with his phone in his hand, the song selections for the night still in limbo. He could do any of his performances to most of the songs he had in mind – he’d been dancing long enough to piece together when a hip roll would look good where. Yet, he himself found going back towards some of his old stuff, Kid Rock’s Cowboy popping up way too often to be ignored. The song entitled lots of work on the bar and lots of time with only his vest and the small black pair of briefs on – but he figured that’d be perfect for a bunch of women (and a couple of guys) eager to have a little time with Iron Man. With that settled, Tony went back into the locker room to grab his purple felt hat – tonight he was rocking dark tear-away jeans that fit all of his contours in all of the right ways. His black vest was reminiscent of the one he wore that first night and thick black boots finished the look, the laces tied just enough to give him support and the ability to move.

A spark of excitement went through him when he settled into the open space of the dance floor, the music starting to loud applause of the people at the end of the stage. He tipped the hat over his eyes and started to move, his hips swinging, his steps long filled with a couple of spins and full body rolls – his eyes intent on the pole right around the time the song got close to the first chorus.

Buy an old drop-top find a spot to pimp And I'mma Kid Rock it up and down ya' block With a bottle of scotch and watch lots a crotch Buy a yacht with a flag sayin' "Chillin' the Most"

His back hit the pole at the end of the beat, and he climbed his way up it – the man glad that he still had his jeans on for this move. Tony let his hands drop and he spun down to the space right before the floor, the clench of his thighs stopping him. He used the strength in his back to flip him over and back onto his feet – the last couple of beats hitting with the sway of his lips before the dance really started.

Cowboy, baby! With the top let back and the sunshine shinin' Cowboy, baby!

Tony pushed himself to his knees and felt himself sliding towards the crowd, one hand bringing the hat from his head and the other slipping down by his boot, his abs and crotch on display with the thrust of his hips when the friction inevitably slowed him down. There were bills thrown on the dance floor around him, but Tony didn’t pay any attention – his eyes suddenly drawn to a younger man with bright eyes that were peeled on him, his hair long and a little curly, a few of the locks at the side of his neck curling against the skin there.

He flawlessly brought himself back to his feet and used the next few hard hits of the bass to get himself into a position to tear his pants off – the black briefs he chose having the desired effect he predicted, the applause for once actually driving him on. Tony made is his way across the stage to all the different groups of women, his back to them, wiggling his ass, or his chest and abs on display for the hands that were grabbier than he usually allowed. The man was standing in the cluster of people gathered around the bride – so he saved them for last. His closeout moves were some of his best and by the end of the song, he was freely shaking his ass in their direction – the smallest amount of hope that those doe eyes were still so transfixed upon him making the moves a little extra.  

The end of the song came before anyone was ready for it and Tony was quickly gathering the vest that was within reach to get off the stage. Whoever was prepping the stage for the next dance would get the remainder of his stuff and collect whatever tips that came from the dance not currently tucked into the waistband of his underpants. Tony felt a faint smile on his lips from the amount of fun that’d been and finally understood what balance actually was. Shaking his head, he went through the process of getting dressed – which included pulling bills from his underwear and trying to get the little bit of glitter he put on his body earlier off. His skin was still slick from sweating for 5 minutes straight, so a shower was the only way to really clean himself up and that would have to wait until later. Now that his job was done and his money was collected, Tony snuck out of the back door of the club – the call of his pillow louder than any thought of staying out and enjoying a night with a partying crowd.

Morning came fast and not for the first time, Tony felt grateful for the little bit of responsibility he learned over the years. There were so many nights when sleep would claim him not long before he needed to be up for something or another. It only took slowing down a bit to realize how nice it was to actually get a good night’s sleep. He got himself up and through the few things he needed to do in the morning, the excitement of seeing his little punk picking the pace of the activities up a little bit.

With little effort, Tony got himself into his car and headed towards Steve and Bucky’s place. It seemed like they liked Tony Friday’s just as much as Morgan did – they greeted him very cheerfully and told him of their plans to simply enjoy the evening at home together. Everyone got a hug before Tony was buckling the little girl into the booster he kept in his backseat for this very occasion. She’d been babbling about something or another since he got there, and he felt content to let her talk while he got her to school on time. Before he left, Bucky insisted on him going in and meeting the teacher – he wanted to make sure the guy knew who it was picking Morgan up later.

It was pretty funny how things worked out. Tony couldn’t help the laugh that left his lips when he recognized those doe eyes from the club the night before – the pink blush the exact same, too. The sputtering was cute – he couldn’t deny that. Morgan looked at him curiously for a second before she was distracted by another kid running by her. The girl gave his leg a hug and ran off – leaving the two adults to their own devices.

Not wanting to make the moment awkward, Tony stuck out a hand between them. “I’m Tony. Or Uncle Tony, if you listen to Morgan. Nice to meet you,” Tony spoke confidently, his words trying to say all the things he couldn’t in the current situation – ‘don’t freak out’, ‘I’m just an average guy’,’ you’re so fucking cute’ – all of those things. The man thankfully extended his own hand and grabbed Tony’s, the touch of their palms like an electric shock.

----

Peter couldn’t explain the amount of excitement he was still feeling after MJ’s bachelorette party. When she asked him to plan it, he knew Marvel’s Finest was the best place to take them. Even if MJ decided to take it as a joke, Peter felt obligated to make sure all of the people he invited to join them would enjoy the show, nonetheless. If he decided to book Iron Man for his own pleasure, no one really needed to know that. He could still remember the way that Play Girl opened up to the Iron Man spread – the pages so well used. By the time Peter was old enough to actually enjoy anything like a strip club, the notorious Iron Man wasn’t dancing nearly as much, usually only for private type events.

When the opportunity presented itself, Peter decided to take advantage of it. And boy was it the best abuse of friend power he’d ever experienced. The whole look immediately made Peter hot, his skin on fire. The music selection was perfect for the performance the man decided to put on, and oh – those black briefs. It shouldn’t be legal for people to look that good. The physical manifestation of his attraction was within his grin and if he thought too hard about it – he might have thought the man was looking right back at him.

It shocked the absolute hell out of him when the very star of his fantasy later that evening walked through the doors of his classroom – Morgan Barnes-Rogers in tow. His jaw fell from its tucked position, the muscles surrounding it the only thing keeping it from hitting the ground. In this setting, he could see the man’s salt and pepper hair, his brows arched in recognition. Peter collected himself in time to smile at Morgan before she ran past him and into the writhing mass of kids collected on the play mat.

He was a little surprised when the man stuck a hand out between them an introduced himself. Peter took another second to collect himself before reaching out and grabbing onto it, their palms flashing warm on contact. His fingers gripped the others, the touch probably going on for just a little bit too long. “I’m Peter. Peter Parker. I can’t um – it’s nice to meet you, too,” his words felt a little choked, like he couldn’t quite get them out – but the man’s returning smile gave him courage.

“Bucky said to come in and introduce myself, so here I am. I’ll be picking Morgan up later today, too.” Tony kept the smile on his lips and Peter felt his stomach clench at the sight – the other man’s hand was in his hair and the stretch of his t-shirt revealed the slightest hint of that torso that’d been on display less than twelve hours earlier. His cheeks felt so hot and he forced himself to grin – the idiocy of it probably radiating from his expression. “Sounds good, I’ll be sure to look for you, then. Nice performance by the way,” Peter got the words out quickly, the mortifying feeling of wanting to die fleeting once they were off his tongue. The other’s eyes flashed with something akin to amusement and he saw the man’s grin broaden – the crinkle of his eyes so fucking charming. “Thanks, Peter Parker. See you later,” Tony replied, the man giving him a wink before casually strolling out of the classroom.

The rest of the day, Peter tried his hardest to focus on the young children looking to him to teach them things – he truly did. Luckily, they were slowly working their way through the vowels and were focusing on the letter ‘e’ today – so there were many worksheets that required lots of coloring and minimal teaching on Peter’s part. He kept a close eye on Morgan and wondered just what the back story there was. They weren’t too far into the school year yet, but he knew both her parents from the parent-teacher meet and greet earlier in the year. Until this point, he’d never seen the illustrious Uncle Tony, though the girl did talk about him often. What were the chances that Peter’s walking wet dream was also a tender-hearted man attached to one of the most spirited children he’d ever encountered? Life was weird in the way it threw people into other’s paths. Shaking the thoughts from his head, Peter managed to make it to lunch without thinking about it again.

Sitting down, Peter immediately felt relief when he saw MJ in her usual spot across the table. “Iron Man is Morgan Barnes-Rogers’s Uncle. He’s just as handsome in person, and he’s coming back later on to pick her up. I might have alluded to making sure I kept a lookout for him, I’ll probably see him again. What the hell, MJ?” Peter blabbed all of this at once, his hands successfully pulling apart the brown paper bag his sandwich was currently in. Her soft hands grabbed his, his fingers coming easily off with the slightest of pressure.

“That’s the stripper from last night, right? The one who made me go home and download a Kid Rock song?” MJ questioned, her fingers loosening to have her hands back to pick at the food in her own lunch. “That very one. Is it cliché to want to spend time with the man who I paid to take off his clothes for us? Or am I overthinking this?” Peter’s question seemed valid, but the laugh MJ couldn’t keep in made his face color. “Pete, you’re an idiot. If you hit it off with the guy, does it really matter?”

Peter thought about that question for the last couple of hours of the school day – his mind never moving away from the fact that no, it didn’t matter. He himself had lots of hidden parts to himself – people would never believe the guy that taught their children graduated with a degree in biochemical engineering before thinking about elementary education. Every person was composed of parts and pieces. Though, some parts were a little bit nicer than others. Biting the edge of his thumb, Peter toiled with the idea until there was no time left and he was ushering all the kids to the drop off/pick up point. Like he said, Tony was there waiting, his eyes lighting up when the little girl came into view. He watched Morgan launch herself into his arms and knew in that instant that he was going to let whatever happened – happen.

Tony approached him a minute or so later, Morgan tucked carefully in his arms. “Thanks for taking care of her. She said you guys did ‘e’ for elephant today,” Tony started, a soft smile on his face. The little girl kept herself tucked against the older man, so Peter didn’t mind talking back and forth. “We did. We also learned that elephants are gray. I’m not sure if you knew that, or not.” Peter bit into his lip and felt blush overtake his cheeks.

“How do you feel about coffee?” Peter asked next, the words tumbling from his lips in a fashion that spoke of reckless abandon – like if he didn’t get them out that instant, he never would. The other’s brown eyes caught his and they exchanged a look – the same connection rushing through him like when their palms touched earlier. He watched Tony nod and reach into his pocket. “I like it. Shoot me a text sometime, let’s go for a cup.” His smile was wide and genuine – the card he took from him still warm from the man’s touch.

The card felt heavy in his pocket, the burn of it like a constant reminder of something Peter couldn’t quite name yet. He forced himself to keep it there until he got the classroom put back together and himself home – there were social standards that needed to be kept, after all. They didn’t do too much moving around in class, so the clean-up wasn’t too complicated. There just wasn’t anything to keep his mind away from the thought of what Tony Stark accepting his invitation for coffee actually meant. Whatever it was, Peter planned to make the most of the encounter – simply because he felt determined to understand the man, not just the nude skin he could still remember very, very, very vividly. He quickly shook his head and got his things together – the faster he got home, the faster he’d be able to give into his impulses. There was only so much self-control a guy can have. It didn’t hurt, either, that he only lived a few minutes from the school. Nope, it didn’t hurt one bit.

The first thing he usually did when he got home was change out of his work clothes – the stuffy shirts were nice and all, but there was nothing better than a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. This time, however, he pulled the card from his pocket and took a good look at it. Though he didn’t expect to see the man advertising his stripping career on business cards, Peter was surprised to find that Tony Stark owned a photography business. After a quick check on Instagram, he found out that said photography business was very successful. He spent a bit of time looking at all the different shots, his idea of the man already changing.

There was so much detail in every single picture the man posted – each photo contained so much soul. One of the most recent posts was of the little girl in his class – clicking on it, he noticed the crown on her head and a big five on the cake. She was smiling and looking directly at the camera, a small bit of frosting in the corner of her mouth. It made him feel a little funny, how much of her personality Tony managed to capture in one snapshot of time. More determined than ever, he typed the number on the card into his phone and sent off a couple of messages.

Peter Parker [7:01PM]: Hey, this is Peter Parker. Peter Parker [7:02PM]: Your snazzy business card told me you’re a photographer, so I stalked your insta – you’re really talented, Tony.

Satisfied, Peter put the phone down and went about changing – finally content a few minutes later when he settled onto the couch with his phone in his hand and Stranger Things on the tv. Soon, there was Thai food on the way – the true beginnings of a great night. And it got a little better when he felt his phone buzz a little while later. Looking at the messages, he felt himself smile.

Tony Stark [8:05PM]: Hi, Peter Parker. Tony Stark [8:06PM]: Such praise, many thanks. I enjoy being behind the camera very much. Tony Stark [8:07PM]: Is teaching your one true love, or do you have something else up your sleeve?

Sucking in a breath, he felt something shift inside him. Of course, that would be the first question this mysterious man fired off – the one thing Peter kept close to himself. For whatever reason, he couldn’t get his foot in the door with any of the tech businesses after graduation – so his retreat was very quick, and he changed gears to satisfy the need to have a job and take care of himself. Elementary education fell into his lap when MJ suggested it during one of their many get togethers. He flew through the master’s program and came out on the other side a certified teacher. It didn’t fuel his fire or get him excited – but it paid the bills and kept a roof over his head. All things that were essential after losing the last piece of his family halfway through his freshman year of college. The fact that Tony hit the nail on the head with the first question made his heart race.

Peter Parker [8:10PM]: You can tell. Your stuff really is amazing. Peter Parker [8:11PM]: I actually have a degree in Biochemical Engineering. At one point in time, I wanted to work on tech. Peter Parker [8:13PM]: What are you two up to this evening?

Tony Stark [8:20PM]: Biochemical Engineering, huh? We’ll have to nerd out during this coffee date we’re having. I graduated from MIT with a degree in Mechanical Engineering. Tony Stark [8:22PM]: We made chocolate chip pancakes and now I’m hoping she slips into a food coma so I can get some editing done. What about you? What does Mr. Parker do on a Friday night?

Peter Parker [8:35PM]: It sounds like you have an interesting past, Tony. What was MIT like? Peter Parker [8:36PM]: Chocolate chip pancakes? Color me jealous. Mr. Parker watches Stranger Things and eats too much Thai food. Interesting stuff, I know. Peter Parker [8:38PM]: Will you have Morgan tomorrow? Or can I interest you in brunch with your coffee?

Tony Stark [8:55PM]: I do – it’s very colorful. Maybe I’ll tell you about it someday. It was full of too many classes every semester and lots of burns from the welding torch. I graduated really young and very fast – so I didn’t do much MIT living. Tony Stark [8:56PM]: There are many interesting things about that. Such as: what did you order? And – what season are you watching? Tony Stark [8:59PM]: Little Squirt returns to her parents bright and early. They get to deal with her grumpiness after the sugar crash. I’d love to do brunch.

Things continued in that easy manner between the two of them well into the night. He got a video of Morgan saying goodnight with the low pitch of Tony’s voice in the background instructing her on what to say. Then when she went to bed, they got into a more in-depth conversation about some of the cool theories the Duffy Brothers used to write the show and a few of the cooler projects Tony worked on throughout college. Peter didn’t even think to broach the topic of stripping and thoroughly enjoyed the entire exchange. When he looked up at saw that it was well past 1AM, Peter shook his head and pulled himself off the couch. He’d gotten through most of the second season and couldn’t remember much of it at all. That was a satisfying feeling – being so wrapped up in another person like that. They exchanged another couple of texts before Peter got himself into bed and snuggled under the covers.

Peter Parker [1:21AM]: I’m going to sack out. It was nice talking to you, Tony. Have a good rest of the night!

Tony Stark [1:30PM]: The pleasure was mine, Peter Parker. Sleep well.

It didn’t take long for sleep to pull Peter under and when it did, he felt a little floaty right before losing consciousness. His last conscious thought was how nice it was to really smile for the first time in a long time.

----  

There weren’t a lot of things more intimidating than going out with a human that spent years making a living from how attractive they were. Peter understood that it didn’t define who Tony was – but that didn’t change the fact that the older man had a confidence that Peter couldn’t even think about touching. A little bit of the morning was spent dwelling over how out of his league Tony was and the rest of it, Peter spent in his closet trying to decide what to wear. There was an immediate relief felt in getting out the door.

He assumed most of his nerves were coming from the fact that he’d thoroughly enjoyed their conversation last night and he could easily see himself getting in way too deep way too fast. The survival mechanism of trying to talk himself out of things was a little absurd – but he managed to overcome it and dress relatively well. He glanced down at the blue baseball shirt and dark jean combination he inevitably ended up in. The idea to feel comfortable settled in when he saw the shirt and no matter what else he found that he knew he looked good in – Peter went back to the same shirt every time.

The café he told Tony to meet him at was within walking distance, so he took the opportunity to work off a little of the excess nerves on the walk over. In all of his twenty-five years, Peter never imagined he’d be so hyped up for a date. He’d never felt this way before – like he couldn’t control himself, like things were out of his hands and he was running totally on instinct. Peter felt a little more like himself by the time he got to the café, a smile on his lips at the thought that though he was nervous, he’d get to spend some time with the person he was quickly becoming very interested in. His eyes scanned all around the shop until they settled on the recognizable disarray of hair – Tony’s bedhead one of the things that caught Peter’s eye right away both on the stage and in the classroom. Quickening his pace, Peter made it to the table in a couple of strides, the smile on his face growing a little wider. “Howdy, Cowboy,” Peter said, the tone of his voice laced with sarcasm and joking – he hoped the words were welcoming and just on the right side of teasing.

Tony’s smile just about blew him backwards, the words’ effect a lot better than he could have hoped for. There was the slightest bit of blush on the older man’s cheeks – the color not nearly as beet red as what Peter knew took over his own face. Sitting down across from him, Peter relaxed into the chair and put all his focus on the man before him.. “Hey, Teach. You look bright and bubbly this morning,” Tony remarked, his body turning more towards Peter, too – their eyes locking for a minute. There was heat and curiosity in the shared gaze. There were a lot of things between them – that much was obvious. Most people didn’t engage in several hours’ worth of conversation if they were repulsed by the other person. Peter knew there was attraction, especially on his part. There were too many times of getting himself off to the photos of Tony and more recently, the vision of the other man up on the stage doing what he was obviously so good at. The probing nature of the other’s glance spoke of lust, but Peter wasn’t quite sure and hoped to find out throughout the rest of the conversation.

“Just wait until I have my coffee,” he said jokingly, his hands fiddling with the wrapped-up package of silverware on the table. “Did you and Morgan have a good time together last night? I have to admit, your chocolate chip pancakes served as motivation for brunch today. Rosetta’s has the best overstuffed pancakes,” Peter didn’t try to filter himself – their conversation last night consisted of anything and everything. It didn’t make any sense to not continue that trend now that they were together in person. He watched Tony’s face break into an even bigger smile and tried in vain to remember the sound of the older man’s chuckle. Oh, how he wished to hear that sound all the time.

“Time with Morgan is always the best. We watched The Princess and The Frog, and the rest was history. I think I told you about everything else last night. I honestly can’t remember the last time I spent that much time texting someone else. Steve still has to call every time he wants to say anything – I’ve gotten used to his old guy tendencies,” Tony remarked, his hands thumbing with the menu on the table – though he didn’t open it.

Things stayed pretty light and easy between them, they ordered the promised coffee with an omelet for Tony and bananas fosters pancakes for Peter. They chatted a bit more about Tony’s first robot creation Dum-E and Peter’s foray into teaching. Tony was easy to talk to and Peter absolutely acknowledged that him being easy on the eyes contributed to how much he felt himself paying attention to the man across from him.

He wouldn’t change that for a second, though – all the things he was learning about Tony made him want to keep on listening. Of course, there were parts of him that just wanted to jump across the table and forcefully take Tony’s lips in a kiss, but those urges were a little easier to control. What he couldn’t seem to get a grip on was the brightness of his smile and the blush that would not stop traveling further and further down his chest.

Somewhere in there many topics, Tony’s stripping finally came up. “How did you end up becoming Uncle Tony, anyway? It’s obvious that Morgan adores you – you must have known her most of her life,” Peter said absentmindedly, his mind putting together all of the pieces he currently held in his hand. “I’ve known Steve and Bucky the entire time they’ve been together. I was one of the first people they told when they found out they got cleared to adopt Morgan. Steve was my college roommate. He got an internship at my father’s company, Stark Industries – though he lasted about as long as I did there. He got me my first stripping gig. It made total sense to make me Uncle Tony when the little one came. They need at least one bad influence that isn’t a direct parent,” Tony replied softly, a laugh stuck in the tangle of his words. The thing that got Peter the most wasn’t the casual way he talked about his stripping, but the starry-eyed look he got in his eye talking about Morgan and her family. They were obviously special people to the older man across from him. Peter shook his head and focused on the things he’d just been told. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I never knew I needed to thank Mr. Rogers for the special gift that Iron Man brought to the world.”

The purely genuine laugh that surrounded Peter in response made his heart clench, the feelings he’d been trying to hold back all evening finally overwhelming him. Peter joined in and felt the oxygen quickly leave his lungs in the flurry of it all. “So you were the one that booked that dance. When I left, I spent a lot of time wondering who in the crowd could have known me – you’re all a little young to have been around during the busy time of my career. The peak of Iron Man’s,” Tony mumbled with a shake of his head.

“I am and I will gladly own up to being the person interested in seeing you dance. I’ve wanted to ever since I saw your spread in Play Girl – but I was never old enough. MJ gave me the reins of her bachelorette party and well, you know the rest.” Peter thought he’d feel embarrassed admitting something so honest like that – but he felt a sense of power overcome him. Maybe now wasn’t too bad of a time to start going after the things he wanted. If all the things the older man taught him in their brief exchanges, it was that being confident and going after things was the only way to get shit done.

Tony didn’t say anything for a couple of minutes, the older man busying himself with finishing off the espresso in his cup and resettling into the back of the chair. His mouth felt a little dry watching Tony stretch the time out, the man obvious in his actions. When their eyes eventually caught – Peter felt a hitch in his breath. The slight heat he’d noticed earlier was now scorching, overtaking Tony’s pupil without leaving much of the beautiful, chocolate brown iris behind. “I think that’s one of the most flattering compliments I’ve ever gotten. I don’t think I’ve ever had a fan that hadn’t seen me dance before. I know for a fact that it wasn’t the dance you were looking for, though, was it? The real strip club experience is a little different than the private shindig you got. There are usually dancers out on the floor willing and eager to give lap dances. I used to be one of those guys, but seniority and all that,” Tony shrugged, and slung his arm carelessly over the back of his chair. “If you’re interested, I could be talked into a private show that’s just for you.” Tony looked up at him then, the connection Peter felt there earlier suddenly scorching hot – a total contrast to the softness of their conversation the night before.

It would be silly, he figured, not to take the man up on the generous offer, so he nodded eagerly. “I am very interested. I can’t promise to keep my hands to myself, though – I’m a kinesthetic learner, hands-on is the only way I know,” Peter’s voice sounded a little scratchy in his own ears and he noticed the words licking across the older man’s skin were affecting him. “Sounds good. One condition, though – we go to my place,” Tony’s voice was low and deep, too – the rumble of it doing things to the tightness of his pants. Gulping in air, Peter nodded – he figured he’d probably agree to just about anything in that moment. They continued to stare at each other, intensifying the heat of moment until the server came to deposit the check on the table – the magic broken for the time being. Peter grabbed the bill before Tony could get his hands on it, a little triumphant gasp slipping from his lips. “You can get the next one,” Peter said, his hand brushing against Tony’s shoulder as he walked past him to pay at the register.

The warmth of Tony’s hand in his own was not nearly as surprising as the way it made him feel – why did the guy have to be so fitting, their palms were staticky, the heat of the combined touched scorching, the burn of it just barely on the right side of tantalizing. Despite the brief interruption of getting into the car, Tony’s grip was sound the entire way to the older man’s house. Instead of teasing like he figured, Tony kept his fingers laced tightly with Peter’s, the gentle sweeping of the thumb on the back of Peter’s hand in tune with the Zeppelin on the radio. The ride was surprisingly peaceful – a huge contrast to the roaring heat of the moment back in the café, but just as nice, just as characteristic to the man he was finding himself enjoying getting to know. In all the ways he assumed he was going to get to know him, too.

They weren’t in the car for very long, the housing division they turned into was a little upscale, yet understated, too. There weren’t a lot of houses jammed into the lot like some of the new subdivisions, so Peter figured the house wasn’t amongst the brand spanking new ones that were constantly being slapped together. The house they pulled up to was one story with a lot of yard surrounding it. There were a couple of trees in the lawn and a really cool screened in porch attached to the front of the house. Other than the one pulling into the driveway, there weren’t any other cars. The house looked immaculately kept and a little bit different than all of the others surrounding it. “I love your porch,” Peter mumbled, his brain mostly still preoccupied checking out all of the things about the place. “Thanks, I built it myself. Other than the guys that came and laid the foundation – most of the house was done by me, now that I’m thinking about it,” Tony replied, his eyes lighting up with pride and excitement.

There were so many things to learn about the man, Peter was quickly finding out. He couldn’t’ decide what he was most excited about, but the hand on his arm and the long finger pointing toward the door reminded him that one of the things he was going to learn very soon was how Tony Stark looked giving a lap dance.

The hand on his arm didn’t stop pulling him until they were in the house and down the hall, in the obvious comfort of the older man’s bedroom. Tony directed Peter to sit on the edge of the bed and he went willingly, his hands sliding under his thighs to quiet the already eager fingers. There wasn’t anything happening yet, and he could already imagine his greedy fingers roaming all over that smooth skin. He’d been unable to get it out of his head since the initial glance of paleness and muscles rippling under the surface. They exchanged a look and Peter couldn’t help the laugh that escaped his lips at the shit eating grin on Tony’s face. Wide eyes watched the older man place a black version of the purple felt hat he wore in the club and start up some music – the round globes of his ass in the painted-on jeans already starting to move to the beat. He’d never see MGMT’s Electric Feel the same ever again.

Tony started to play with the buttons on his shirt, his shoulders and hips moving with the beat. Each time the drumbeat would hit, he’d snap his hips forward – the move hooking Peter’s attention, keeping it on the fluidity of those hips. The distraction of Tony’s hips made the bareness of his chest in the next moment a surprise – a soft gasp left Peter’s lips before he could reign it in. The small noise brought a smile to Tony’s face, the man’s eyes watching him despite the rest of his body moving fluidly. He stopped listening to the music and let his entire focus stay on every single one of Tony’s movements.

By then, the man was close enough to touch if Peter were to reach out – the body rolls he was doing absolutely fucking sinful. He about shouted for mercy when Tony settled onto his lap – his ass grinding down onto the bulge Peter was having a hard time hiding – the friction light. That friction didn’t last long and Tony was stepping back, his hands moving to undo the button and zipper on his pants – the jeans tumbled down his legs shamelessly a second later. The briefs Tony was wearing weren’t much different than the ones he’d been moving around on-stage in. Where the others were black, these were maroon and highlighted Tony’s cock perfectly.

The microscopic attention to detail Peter paid to Tony’s dance at MJ’s party told him that this bulge was sizably different than what he’d seen before. Peter’s eyes were drawn to it, the press of Tony’s cock against the fabric now obvious the closer the man got to him. Strong hands were grabbing at his arms, Tony placing them on his own hips – he was thrusting his hips within inches of Peter’s face. Peter’s fingers squeezed the bare skin tightly, his arms wanting nothing more than to pull him in, pull him to his mouth or at least close enough to press his nose to the bulge there and take a long, deep breath. Tony didn’t stick around long enough for him to do any of those things, though – the nimble limbs were turning and suddenly Peter had a close-up view of the perfect bubble of Tony’s ass. The briefs barely covered the edges of the man’s cheeks and every swing of his hips made the muscle clench and sway ever so slightly. Without much thought, Peter let his hands grab at the globes, the warmth of the skin there another catalyst to the tight press of his cock pressed against the zipper of his jeans.

As quickly as the view was there, Tony was pulling away. The song was over, and the music changed to something Peter didn’t recognize. There wasn’t much blood anywhere near his brain, anyway. He did register demanding fingers pulling at the bottom of his shirt, his hands flew up and made the drag of it off his body a little easier for the man. When there was nothing left to block the sweet press of skin on skin, Peter pushed himself off the bed and captured Tony’s lips in a kiss. His hands settled low on the man’s hips, his greedy fingers moving to the firm groove of Tony’s ass cheeks – the fabric of the briefs much softer than he figured it would be. Tony’s hands were demanding on his face, the man tilted his head until the kiss was perfect – Peter felt himself get lost in the sensation of smooth firmness under his hands and warm wet pressed against his lips. The press of Tony’s erection against his own brought him back to the surface, his need for oxygen suddenly forcing him to break the kiss.

“You are the sexiest person I’ve ever seen in my life. I’m glad that was my first ever lap dance. Nothing will ever compare. I think you should fuck me. Does that sound okay?” Peter found himself feeling bold – the charge of arousal in the room something that was easy to be brought under by, something that he willingly let take ahold of him.

----

‘Does that sound okay?’ That simple phrase shouldn’t have sounded so good to Tony, but he couldn’t deny how fast the rush of heat traveled over him. His back broke out into a sweat, his skin suddenly tender from the sensitivity of arousal. “Better than,” Tony finally managed to get out, his hands moving down the length of Peter’s chest – his pecks defined, yet slim, the nipples there insanely responsive to the touch. He spent a little bit of time getting acquainted with the side of Peter’s neck and the sweeping sensation of goose flesh breaking out over the other man’s skin. It felt like it was moving across his own skin, though when he checked – there was only sweat and smoothness.

His cock gave a reminding pulse and he forced himself to get back on task. Greedy fingers played with the button and zipper of Peter’s pants, the short, impatient thrusts against his hand too good to just give into the want they were both feeling. He could feel Peter’s impatience – the feeling tangible in both the way he pulled him in for a messy kiss and the subtle pulse of the cock he’d been palming. His own impatience gave way, his fingers deftly getting the button done and the zipper down – Tony’s hand shamelessly slipping under the waistband of Peter’s underwear and gripping the man’s hardness without warning.

“Shit,” Peter gasped, the word hot against Tony’s lips. His lungs were grateful for the break in the kiss and for a couple moments, Tony let himself trace and touch all Peter had to offer. The younger man was long, the length probably an inch longer than Tony himself. The girth was a little on the thin side – but the head made up for it. It was thick and dribbled precum beautifully – his fingers swirling in it every couple of strokes. “You need to get my pants off, please. I want you to touch me – fucking everywhere,” Peter gasped, the man so suddenly mobile – it scared the shit out of Tony.

He pulled his hand free of the other’s pants and watched with fascination as he stepped out of them – both boxer briefs and jeans were kicked aside in one movement. Tony took a second to enjoy the look of Peter completely naked. He was on the slim side everywhere on his body, though there was great muscle definition there, too. There was so much youth still clinging to the man, yet there were so many reminders that the person in front of him was all man – all man and about to be all his.

Tony followed suit and joined the other man in nudity. He let Peter looked his fill in the time it took to close the space between them (which, admittedly wasn’t very long.) Their lips met in a fierce kiss before Tony was pushing Peter onto the mattress. Brown eyes watched the younger man scoot up the sheets until his head was in the nest of pillows at the head of the bed. His legs were slung open wide and a hand was already around his length – those long, pale fingers wrapped around Peter’s hard-on lightly. Licking his lips, Tony mimicked that action, his hand following the pace the young man set. He stood at the end of the bed and let Peter watch him, his moans and sighs in conjunction with the speed up and slowdown of Tony’s hand over his cock. The sweat on his back was starting to bead and trail down the dimple of his spine – his forehead joining the club, the collection of it there making his hair wet and sticky to his forehead. When temptation became too much, Tony got onto the bed and slapped Peter’s hand away – his mouth replacing the fingers without a second thought.

He hollowed his cheeks and started a pretty ruthless pace right from the get-go – he wanted to see what Peter Parker looked like on the edge – and then he wanted to take him there with his fingers and cock all over again. One of his hands ran up the middle of Peter’s stomach, his fingers playing over the slight ripple of abs with every aborted thrust the other man tried not to make. The other hand moved under the heaviness of Peter’s length and tangled in the light dusting of hair just behind his ball sac. Deep throating him, Tony wasn’t surprised when fingers were tangled in his hair, the pressure of them on the pleasurable side of pain. Tony eased up and let the cum spill down his throat – the high pitched “Tony!” coming from the other sending another jolt of uncontrollable heat to the tip of his cock.

There wasn’t much protest when Tony finally settled the entirety of his weight against Peter’s chest – his cock settling against the man’s stomach. And though he’d just found release, Tony could feel Peter’s cock throb when he brushed against it. Peter’s thighs settled around his hips, keeping him in one spot for the time being. Tony leaned forward and pressed his lips against Peter’s – his tongue diving in without much preamble, the man eager to share the taste of release fresh on his tongue. The moan he heard was sinful, the echo of it forever engrained in the front of Tony’s memory.

There were things one just couldn’t unhear.

Peter sucked desperately on his tongue and tightened his leg against Tony’s hips – the man quickly regaining his interest in the proceedings. His thrust up against Tony was signal enough – the desperation in Tony’s body finally starting to win out. “Want you on my lap,” he mumbled, his lips pressing first against Peter’s, then against the soft skin of his chin, and finally against his neck – the length of flesh quickly one of Tony’s favorites.

It took a second or two to rearrange and grab the needed supplies, the men both laughing with the ecstasy of the moment as they moved about. With Peter across his hips, he could feel the man’s hard cock against him – his lubed-up fingers were eager to press against what he figured would be a tightly furled muscle just waiting to be relaxed. Tony didn’t waste any time teasing and pressed the tip of one of his fingers lightly against Peter’s rim. The body above him relaxed, more of his finger slipping in with every breath Peter took to calm himself down. The angle was perfect to find Peter’s prostate early on and he very quickly had a lapful of eager and moaning Peter Parker. The second finger he pressed inside did so easily, Peter’s body so on edge and welcoming of whatever Tony had to give. The scissoring motion of his finger had the man clutching at his neck, the fingers in his hair pulling at the length. “Come on. You’re just being a gratuitous shit now, Tony,” Peter murmured, his eyes so glazed over Tony wondered how much of what was coming out of his mouth he would actually remember.

There wasn’t any reason not to follow Peter’s order, though. And to be honest, he was being a little gratuitous in his pleasure. He’d been thrusting up against Peter’s left butt check while his fingers worked him open – and when he was able to focus enough, Tony let his fingers of the other hand run over the hard cock pressing against their stomachs. Slipping his fingers out, Tony rolled the condom on and poured a generous amount of lube into his hand – grasping himself just long enough to spread it around his length.

If he fucked around too much with himself, there’d be no going back. It seemed like Peter was just as eager, his big brown eyes were watching every one of Tony’s moves – his hands gripping his shoulders tightly. It didn’t take but a small little nudge and he was sliding into the tightest heat he’d ever felt. Peter’s coordinated move down onto him made his entry quick and clean – the press of his pelvis against pert ass cheeks almost as delicious as the tightness around him.

Tony kept a tight grip on Peter’s hips, the other man already starting to rise and fall on his pulsing length. He could feel Peter’s thighs flex against his own, the reminder of pure strength a straight shot to the core. A chorus of moans and loud slaps of skin were the only noises in the room for a long time – Tony letting Peter control the pace until he felt the other tightening around him. He’d increase the grip on Peter’s hips and pull him hard into his lap – Tony’s thrusts short and teasing but not enough to get there, not yet. Tony couldn’t get enough of the needy huffs Peter would pant against his lips, or the ridiculous drool of precum that seemed to leak more and more each time he brought the other so very close to the edge. The smear of it against his stomach too good to give up just yet. “You’re fucking driving me nuts, Tony. If you touch me, I’ll come apart,” Peter whispered against the skin of Tony’s chin after a particularly hard thrust against his prostate.

Moving quickly, Tony grabbed the back of Peter’s thighs and flipped their position. Tony pressed Peter into the mattress and let the last little bit of control he was clinging to snap. He lost track of everything other than hot velvet and sticky slick against his stomach. In the end, Peter dug his fingernails down the length of Tony’s back and let out a loud ‘fuck’ – his cum splashing hot and wet between their bellies. Tony turned his head and bit down into the side of Peter’s neck, his own orgasm rushing through him with a force that was so close to being way too much. He let his hips thrust through the entirety of it, Tony only stopping when the sensitivity was too much.

They maneuvered a little so Tony could pull out and dispose of the condom, the man returning to collect Peter in his arms in no time. He pressed a kiss to Peter’s neck and held him close. Soon, they’d need to roll out of bed and wipe off the sticky goodness of their coupling, but for now – both men seemed pretty content. Peter’s fingers ran along the length of Tony’s forearm, the touch bringing gooseflesh to the surface of his skin. “How do you feel about pizza?” Tony murmured after a while, his stomach grumbling, remind him of how much energy it took to strip and fuck the shit out of someone. He felt the rumble of Peter’s chest as the man chuckled, his soft lips pressing against whatever parts of Tony’s skin he could reach. “I could kill a pizza right now.”

It wasn’t conventional – how quickly they fell into bed, or how easily they seemed to fit together, but there wasn’t much about Tony that could be said to be conventional, anyway. They spent the rest of the day eating pizza out of the box, Peter sometimes getting away with stealing the pepperonis from Tony’s slices and sometimes getting caught in the act – and ending up with the pepperonis anyway. It was easy, being with Peter, and at that point in his life, Tony was looking for easy. Snuggling into the comfort of the couch, Tony let Peter lean into the circle of his arms. The older man pressed a kiss to shower wet hair and pulled him close.

“Steve and Buck are having a BBQ tomorrow. Want to come?” Tony asked softly, his nose sliding across Pete’s soft skin. “Yeah, I do.” Peter replied instantly, his body relaxing further into the warmth of Tony’s chest.

“Good – Morgan’s expecting you, anyway.”

[nekomassetters]

Forty Five

Next Thursday, practice with the boys' team goes as usual. You spend a bit of time completing setting drills with Kenma until Kuroo steals him away from you. You then began third-wheeling Yaku and Lev for the remainder of your time. As practice draws to an end, you find yourself drained both physically and emotionally.

"So the girls' team is going to the championships at the same place we are?" Yaku asks excitedly as the three of you get distracted and start up a conversation.

"Yeah! I'll be able to keep an eye on you guys after my games," you smile at your friends.

"Wait then how come you haven't been working with Kenma more?" Kai questions.

"Because Kuroo-" you start to defend before being interrupted by Yaku and Lev's laughter outburst.

"What's so funny?" you ask nervously as you notice the attention of the rest of the team turns towards you.

"I-If Y/N works with Kenma," Yaku struggles to say as his laughter fit causes complications in his speech, "no work will get done."

"You guys are idiots!" you exclaim to drown out their voices to prevent further embarrassment.

As you walk past you side-eye them before catching up to your boyfriend.

"Got a few minutes? It's our last full practice so I could use the extra help," you try to ask sweetly with a big smile.

"Sure," Kenma nods as he takes your hand and walks away from Kuroo.

"No funny business you two!" Kuroo snickers after hearing what Yaku said.

"We're in the middle of a gym surrounded by all of you," Kenma says as he stops and turns around to give Kuroo a disgusted look, "so what the hell do you think we're going to do?"

"I dunno," Kuroo replies sheepishly, "just don't be a perv on Y/N."

"Shut up!" both you and Kenma exclaim.

Kenma then turns back around and walks to the second net where the two of you then begin practicing until time's up.

"Y/N," Kenma says cryptically as he approaches you.

"Y-Yeah? Everything alright, Kenma?"

"Mhm, I just wanted to say that you did really good. I think you've improved a bunch since we started practicing so, uh, g-good job."

Wow he's actually complimenting me. He must actually think I've improved a fair amount since he decided to mention it to me.

Despite a few "ooo's" coming from the others in the gym, you do your best to smile and try to thank Kenma without tripping over your own words while also maintaining your composure.

"Thanks," is all you manage to squeak out.

Despite feeling comfortable around Kenma, you still feel a bit awkward with all of his teammates staring you down. Knowing this, Kenma rolls his eyes and tells you to grab your things and he'll walk you back to your dorm. You do what he says and the two of you walk out of the gym as quietly as possible to avoid interaction with the others.

Once Kenma walks you back to your dorm, the pair of you decide to meet up once again at Kenma's room in a little while. After receiving an unexpected kiss goodbye, you watch your boyfriend walk away before going inside.

Inside your room you see your roommate staring at her computer screen. She looks like she hasn't slept in weeks, making you feel worried for her current state.

"A-Are you alright?" you ask as you observe her appearance.

Shiro looks at you through squinted, red, watery eyes. You can tell she has probably been staring at the computer for a while until she finally looks up at you and gives you a tired grin.

"I'm fine," she says before glancing back to her computer, "Just signed up for chess tournament Kozume showed me."

"He showed you one?"

"Mhm. He said he knew about one that's really competitive and he's been helping me prepare," she tells you while rubbing her eyes.

"That's really cool, Shiro. You think you're ready?"

"Of course I am," she nods, "I've beaten Kozume every time I played him."

You can't help but let out a laugh at the thought of Kenma losing repeatedly while trying not to flip out over the typically quiet girl.

"Oh hey Y/N," Kuroo says weakly when he opens his dorm and sees you standing on the other side.

"You okay, Kuroo?"

"Are you two going to kick me out now," he pouts.

"What! No, why do you always say that kind of stuff," you roll your eyes, "but you can join if you want."

You flash Kuroo a wink as you walk past him to enter the room. However, the concerned look on Kenma's face makes you realize you need to clarify that you were joking.

"Relax Kenma," you chuckle as you pat his head, "I was only kidding."

Kenma's eyes narrow as he looks past you towards Kuroo, giving him a look that would kill if it could.

"Anyway..." you chime in as you push Kenma away from his roommate, "what were you guys up to?"

"Well I was destroying Kuroo and Bokuto in the game we-"

"Liar! I won the last game!" Kuroo interrupts as he stomps over to the television to prove his point.

"Wow Kuroo you won once, impressive," you giggle.

"Whatever, Y/N, you're no better than me!" he pouts.

"Okay let's see about that."

You grab the controller that Kenma usually lets you borrow and take a seat between Kenma's legs. The three of you put on your headsets and suddenly your ears are bombarded with the sound of Bokuto echoing, wondering why they left without saying anything.

"Oh sorry that's my fault," you awkwardly let him know.

"Y/N! No, no it's okay! I, uh, didn't mind the wait at all actually."

"Dude you better not hit on Y/N," Kuroo warns, "or Kenma will go apeshit on your ass."

You let out a small laugh at the thought of Kenma doing that, but the feeling of your boyfriend's arms tightening around you makes you quiet down pretty quickly.

"U-Uh Kuroo I think you're just being dramatic. You've got a girlfriend now too so-"

"Huh??!! Kuroo-san you have a girlfriend and didn't tell me?"

Kuroo's face lights up bright red as his friends continue questioning him about his so-called 'girlfriend'.

"N-No she's not my girlfriend, not technically... y-yet anyways. So just calm down!"

"I think you're the one who needs to calm down," Kenma sasses, resulting in a punch in the arm.

"Alright whatever, I'm on Kenma's team!" you exclaim as Kenma begins setting up the game.

"No shit," Kuroo grumbles under his breath.

Deciding to ignore Kuroo, you move on to trash-talking Bokuto.

"Ready Bo? We're gonna wipe the floor with your ass just like last time. And then Kenma will do it again at the championships next week!"

"Ahh, Y/N," Bokuto whines, "why are you so competitive?"

"What? Am I supposed to want to lose?"

"You know what? Fine! It's on!" he says, getting his spirit back.

In the end, Kenma and you both won pretty easily. However, you were more amazed because Kenma couldn't see his controller since it was in front of you.

After a few hours, you say goodbye to Kuroo and Bokuto. Kenma then tells you he will walk you back to your dorm to make sure you get back safely.

"Y/N?" Kenma calls as you near your dorm, "can I tell you something?"

"O-Of course," you reply with a nervous smile, "are you okay?"

"Mhm I just..."

Kenma trails off as he notices your hand intertwined with his. You give him a light squeeze, causing him to look back up at you. When he does, you're met with a somewhat-concerned look.

"I just want you to know that even if your team doesn't perform well at nationals, you- you're still a really good player and I don't want you to give up."

You can't help but allow a lopsided grin to form on your face as you watch him nervously express his feelings.

"Of course I'm going to do good," you tell him, "I had the best teacher and I'm definitely going to miss going to your practices."

Kenma's eyes narrow as he listens to you.

"What are you talking about? You're going to stop coming to my practices?"

"U-Uh well I thought you-"

"Don't be stupid Y/N. I told you that you've improved but you still need my help," he teases.

Without giving time for you to respond, Kenma wraps his arms around your waist. You feel your chest press harshly against his as he buries his head in your neck.

"Kenma I'm not going anywhere," you whisper as you hug him back, "you don't need to worry about that."

"I love you, Y/N, and you're right. You will do amazing."

[unproduciblesmackdown]

comet, moon, pluto, aquila, protostar

Thank You vm

Comet- What are you currently frustrated about?

lmaooo oh you know at any given time i’m weaving this rich tapestry of continual frustrations lol.....i’d say i’m in an Upswing Period of [simmering frustration levels closer to the surface] lately too lol like earlier in the week i pushed through a day or two there more casually but then it was like ah jeez here comes the malaise. more specifically today, even just before sitting down to answer this, i emerged from the bathroom to find there was a “dog has pooped inside despite having been outside within the last 10 min” shituation, which was wonderful.....annoyed from Waking by “smh at not being able to adjust my nocturnality, still frustrated about the near success of last friday being thwarted by the dead of night hammering debacle,” & regular Antagonizing Audio issues, aka being stressed by both the [loud, alarming] type sound & the [gross textural misophonia hell] type.....earlier i was like “where is the dish sponge” (still don’t know) & went to get a new, packaged one which had been in a drawer, but that one was gone too, good that there’s no pressing need to wash dishes rn i guess.....still struggling with the “well i guess i’m trying to put myself out there Socially” attempt to find relevant public discords, being generally overwhelmed as actually talking to randos in a group is A Lot & in theory it’s like well you meet someone Specific you’d enjoy talking to & branch off from there but unfortunately you can’t just skip to that step, also i do not genuinely Expect to get to that step either way, also i am not easily finding servers in the 1st place b/c it’s like, well i talk about Interests but what am i interested in? who knows. don’t do art “seriously” enough to rly wanna discuss it much, thought abt Language Learning but one i found wants you to have a verified account lmao like, no thanks. in theory i enjoy Socializing some but in practice it is sure a trial & i have not said anything to anyone anywhere yet, just a “well, not sure what else i could do here situation,” in theory take up an In Person hobby / group to make it all easier but that’s not happening. which, i was also Frustrated remembering oh right i spent a year as measured by my personal age in 1 location, both Pandemic & other [society] problems, & speaking of Interests & Hobbies not having them, i was also >:| over something having kicked in my Math Sensibilities (aka that i like math) & wondering like, would i have enjoyed getting more into math / some particular application, who knows, same but also even more so re: other things i get the sense i’m quite Into, like learning languages & ~performing arts~, which, i at least took math / math related classes into college level courses, which is not true for those other things (took a Language Class: never, took a theatre / drama class: for 1/4 of the schoolyear in 7th grade, & prior to that, just did a scene or two of a play in english class 4th grade, & the approx decade extracurricular of ballet, which is related but of course a different thing. anyhow, annoyed that i Simply Do Not Know & hardly see opportunities to find out on the horizon, although who knows.....which is related to being frustrated about [Society] some more like, thinking about “boy how different would it be if people were guaranteed the right to Essentials For Life like housing, food, medical care, both electricity & the internet Now A Days...” like, agonizing What If there, it is all so unnecessary that It Is Like This......just now someone made an unnecessary Post lmfao thank you xkit.......oh right, i was Frustrated, with an emphasis In Aro / Ace, about Media & Life, what else is new & then, you know, musings on The Theoretical Future & One’s Personal Past that would become even more of a like, audioscape: therapy session topic, these are frustrating things. and all of this answer has been stuff i remember getting Frustrated about in the past 24 hours. Also!!! that last night i was like, i want to play scrabble, so i looked up an online game but the Computer settings are a nightmare like, as far as i could tell the Difficulty settings were mostly attuned to Average Word Length but it was like, yeah you’re playing against this opponent given this effective total familiarity with the most obscure / archaic shit in the scrabble dictionary, not even simply the like, q words / two letter words ppl might happen to know specifically for the purposes of scrabble. there was also no “new game” button?? just had to refresh the page? smh. oh lmfao! also! you Know i was frustrated thinking about Billions, the series / interest that antagonizes you, jokes on you when you hone in on the Quant where it’s like, is he just meant to be the guy who sucks, plus he’s got depression....suppose they do at least handle him w/some sympathy / nonzero Care for this Char acter, but smh at sighing about [bracing yourself for anything promising (cough riawin) to spiral into disaster one way or another, whether it turns into a joke or plot device or just something introduced / built up / demolished for ambient drama/conflict].....what else is new. the periodic cycles of Billions Thoughts lol. was just frustrated at a video’s Editing Cadence basically lmfao. i also find it grating when the word “the jab” is used in tweets re: vaccination, which i just saw, presumably in the same sort of way where i automatically dislike the phrase To Be Fair or referring to food/eating with “fill / filling” or any variants lmfao, or earnest use of the description “hearty”......some words i hate the sound of no matter what, some i hate to hear used in a particular phrase / context......need to simply stop doing things in the middle of answering this b/c it will inevitably involve Frustrations lmfaooo. oh also i was annoyed to wake up to a clear sky. where’s that overcast atmosphere

Moon- Are you currently reading any books? If so, what book(s)?

i am not, but i’ve been considering it! just inconvenient b/c a) i gotta like, choose what book/s to read, & b) i have to read via laptop, which is kind of a pain, & c) like with everything, i always tend to basically read stuff all at once, but i’m also a slow reader lmao, so it’s like, okay, i’m probably basically devoting days on end to Reading Through whatever.....

Pluto- If you could meet anyone, alive or dead, who would you meet?

another classic Fascinating Answer of “i dunno” lol, i’ve never really had a go to answer for this or anything that’s particularly leapt out.....plus re: how i tend to feel nervous with on the spot socializing, the concept of like “if you could have dinner with someone” is too much lmfao like, a waste of time, i’d simply Be Nervous my way completely through it. the only way i could think of things is like, here i go giving someone an interview, i guess, and whomst tf would i feel Prepared to talk to lmfao. relevant to interests it’s like well of course you could ask w. roland things the in depth secret jared questions, or Any questions about quant n billions, but then it’s also like, well, there’s the questions I already have an answer for lol & either you have the same answer or i have a mini monologue, not like i don’t speak in mini monologues all the time if i have something to say at all, and my Questions go like that too lmfao, a disaster already trying to ask people about pertinent Information......never able to think of things re: people who have died, i suppose there’s fun answers re: like, getting lost / unknown Historical Info......when it comes to meeting people i don’t really consider it much in advance b/c i am nervous about everything & aware that any interacting is a Challenge lmfao. whenever these things actually happen, it’s hardly always a disaster, but i’m just improvising in the end. also, i could meet people i actually know but have never met, i.e. you, who i talk to but we are Virtual & Pandemic’d & etc & so on. but i suppose that’s kind of a given lol

Aquila- Do you prefer to read books or watch movies?

i think movies are less Involved for me, like, even if it takes me 3x their runtime (or longer) to watch any videos thanks to getting distracted & stuff, still quicker than i read a book, & unless i’m watching something for the first time and/or really wanting to properly pay attention, i can do other things while putting a movie on, whereas if i’m reading that’s the One Thing i can be doing. but overall i’m like “media, what media” whichever format lol like. haven’t consumed things, don’t often think of specific works i want/plan to consume, don’t often get around to it, etc. classique.....

Protostar- Give a random fact about yourself.

speaking of classic, me struggling to recall 101 info about myself or answer not that out there Questions, but when it’s like “alright hater what are you disgruntled about now” it’s like, Deep Inhale lmfao, but [are you okay? Is Anyone].jpeg on that one as well, we are out here......uh i’m sure i’ve said it before but i’m around 5′11″? maybe 6 ft tall but that might be overdoing it. sort of Average Tall but i am always literally looking down on people lmao.....and bumping my head into a low hanging light fixture around here.....

[luvshuas]

second to none

pairing - soonyoung x reader

tags - high school!au + enemies to lovers + fluff + slight angst

synopsis - you worked day and night in order to secure the #1 spot during rankings. to say your future depended on your rank wasn’t an exaggeration, but when funding for the school’s dance team is cut back and you’re to blame soonyoung takes it upon himself to knock you off your pedestal

word count - 4.2k

©

The ticking of the second hand felt suffocating. Each jerking movement of the small, red line created both hope and fear; hope that the # 1 rank hasn’t changed, and fear that it has changed. The sound of pencils scratching against paper droned in the back of your mind. In five minutes ranks would be announced. You only had to make it five more minutes. You studied relentlessly this last quarter so why were you so worried about losing that spot? Your GPA was enough to confirm your place as # 1, yet anxiousness replaced the blood that flowed through your veins as the clock came closer to the end of the class. The only thing standing between you and the excel spreadsheet that was haphazardly pinned to the corkboard by the library was the clock.

The shrill scream of the bell echoed out of the speakers and into the classrooms and hallways. Seconds later you were flying out of the classroom and towards the corkboard. A small crowd had already began forming in front of the discolored board, but they were no match against your shoulder. Your eyes were quick to locate the paper with the ranks for your class. You read the list from bottom to top until your name was spotted. A shaky breath moved past your lips; you were still at rank # 1. Relief replaced the anxious feeling that had spread through your body. Your hard work was paying off, everything was alright.

Soonyoung stood leaning against the wall opposite of where the corkboard was located. He knew he’d be able to find you here, it was only a matter of waiting for you to escape the growing crowd of students searching for their names and the number that was next to it. He kept his eyes on the crowd. Soonyoung needed to speak to you, and nothing was going to stop him. When spotted you trying to squeeze your between two students to get out of the crowd he made his move. Grabbing your arm, he pulled you from the group. “Thank you so- oh, it’s you.” The disappointment in your voice was clear, but Soonyoung ignored it. His grip around your arm was as strong as steel as he pulled you down the hallway to find an empty hallway to talk to you. You knew he was upset with you, but could you really blame him? It was your suggestion that the student council replan the school’s budget and reorganize funding.

Soonyoung roughly pulled you into an alcove. One of his hands come into contact with the wall you were pushed against, effectively putting himself between you and the exit. Silence soon came flooding into the space between you and him. Neither of you moved to say anything, but you could practically hear the profanities being screamed at you by his eyes. “Why did you do it.” His tone wasn’t questioning, but instead demanding. Soonyoung wasn’t giving you the option to not give him an answer, but even if he was you felt that he would’ve deserved an explanation anyways.

“I did what I had to for my success,” your tone made his blood boil. “And if that messes with your success, then that’s for you to fix.” Your arms crossed over your chest, a weak attempt to make you seem anything other than nervous. You knew there would be repercussions by cutting funding to the dance team, but you hoped they would come in the form of Minghao sitting you down to convince - more accurately, threaten - you to restore the team’s funding. Instead you were face to face with the team’s captain who, if this were a cartoon, looked like he had steam curling from his ears. “You didn’t have to cut the dance team. Do you know how many useless things the school funds that you could’ve cut instead?” His voice was quiet, probably out of fear a teacher would hear him and find him cornering another student.

“I don’t owe you an explanation on why I decided on the dance team, but if you’ll excuse me I have somewhere to be in a few minutes.” Any pity you had for Soonyoung quickly disappeared. He had no right to corner you, demanding answers. Soonyoung, however, didn’t budge from his spot between you and the exit. He stayed quiet, opting to watch your eyes flit around to find something other than him to look at. He figured  he could get the funding back if he pushed you hard enough, but he didn’t want that anymore. Soonyoung’s arm dropped to his side. You quickly rushed out of the alcove and down the hallway, but Soonyoung’s words still reached your ears. “Enjoy the time you have left on your pedestal; it won’t last long.”

You didn’t know what he could mean by that, but to say it didn’t worry you would be a lie. A new wave of anxiousness spilled into your veins as you mulled over his statement. You continued your trek through the school, praying you wouldn’t bump into another member of the dance team, until you were safely inside the student council room. For a moment you thought that maybe cutting the dance team’s funding wasn’t a good idea, but you knew your pride wouldn’t let you restore it, not after the interaction you just had with Soonyoung not even five minutes ago. The budget wouldn’t change and you’d just have to find out what exactly his words would mean.

Weeks passed with nothing happening, and eventually Soonyoung’s threat slipped from your mind. Your life continued on like normal, just like it was supposed to. You continued studying your hardest to keep your rank, but you were no longer the only person desperate for the # 1 spot. Throughout the weeks you began seeing Soonyoung appear in your study areas more often. He never paid you any attention, but you still didn’t like his sudden interest in studying. The boy was already naturally smart so it was rare for you, or anyone, to see him sitting in the library with a few text books spread out around him. You assumed he was only trying to raise his grades after a lazy spell.

Your worries didn’t bother you outside of the quiet environment until you noticed he was beginning to study more than you. When you would arrive in the library he was already there and would still be in the same spot when you prepared to leave. Your friends merely told you to brush it off as him studying to pass college exams, but something about his sudden personality change from a dancer who couldn’t be bothered to do anything but the bare minimum in school to someone who might be more studious than you was offsetting.

“What’re you studying for?” You asked before leaving the library one evening. Your study session that evening had been cut short by the curiosity eating at your bones. You needed to find out why he was studying day and night with seemingly no breaks other than to sleep, eat, and use the bathroom. Soonyoung didn’t answer your question until he finished writing down a few notes onto the loose leaf paper next to his textbook. You looked over his notes; they were a lot neater than you expected them to be. A title headed the page, and underneath was the information he deemed worth noting. The page was nicely color coordinated in varying shades of blue raging from deep navy to a light blue. As he dotted the end of his sentence he finally looked up at you. A flicker of something passed in his eyes, but it was gone before you could’ve noticed. “Why do you care?” He asked, leaning back in his chair.

It was painfully obvious how much he didn’t want to talk to you, hell you could probably feel his annoyance from a mile away, but you refused to settle without an answer. “Maybe I could help you.” Your offer was met by a snort. Your help was the last thing Soonyoung wanted, or that’s what he thought before considering it. How ironic would it be for you to help play a part in your downfall, he thought. Soonyoung leaned forward, resting his chin in the palm of his hand.

“Hm, maybe you could. Meet me here tomorrow after school.” Soonyoung began to gather his stuff, packing notebooks and pens into his bag and lifting textbooks into his arms. You wanted to offer to walk with him since you were on your way out as well, but something stopped you. You still had a strange feeling about Soonyoung’s sudden change in attitude towards school, and his acceptance of you becoming a sort of study buddy. You waited a few minutes after Soonyoung left to begin leaving.

The next school day dragged on slowly. Each class felt twice as long than it should’ve, but you refused to believe it was because you are actually excited for your study session with Soonyoung afterschool. The boy still threw you off and you couldn’t pinpoint why, but you hoped that this time spent with him could both be beneficial to your school performance and to sate your curiosity. You found yourself paying excessive amounts of attention towards the clock, or at least more attention than you would give on a normal day.

After many long, boring hours the last bell finally rang. You tried not to rush to the library, but unfortunately your excitement was harder to control than you thought. You walked down the hallway at a quick speed, and logged your name into the library’s database at an even quicker speed. You figured that you would have a few minutes alone to set up your books and look for any that you might not have in the library, but as you neared the table Soonyoung was studying at yesterday you found him already there. His nose was buried in a textbook, only raising when he turned his head to his notes to write something down. You stood and watched him for a few minutes, quite liking this new version of Soonyoung. In the early years of high school you had been interested in Soonyoung, but never acted upon it because of your dedication to studying and his lack of dedication to anything other than dancing. A small flower of admiration bloomed in your chest as you watched him, but your staring was ended too soon for your liking when he looked up to find you watching him from the edge of the library’s designated study area.

“I don’t know how you study,  but I’m pretty sure you can’t absorb information by just standing in the library and watching other students study.” He patted the cushioned seat of the chair next to him. Once seated next to him you began pulling your own notebooks and pens from your bag. Soonyoung had returned his attention to his textbook while waiting for you to get yourself situated. You took a peek at notes to figure out what he was studying so diligently for. “It’s for our earth sciences class in case you were wondering.” His voice startled you. Soonyoung watched from the corner of his eye as you leaned away from his notes. It was obvious that you were still a bit on edge around him, but he expected that.  

“Oh, I haven’t gone over the new material yet so I might not be very much help in that field.” Your voice was barely a whisper; one might think you were embarrassed not having yet studied the new lesson yet. Soonyoung shrugged, “Then we can study it together and help one another.” You nodded at his suggestion. Maybe studying with Soonyoung wouldn’t be so bad, you thought.

You pulled your earth science textbook from your bag, double checking which page Soonyoung was on, then turned to the page you’d be studying with him. “Let us begin.” You say, turning in your chair to face Soonyoung.

The afternoon went by swimmingly. You and Soonyoung covered more ground than you would’ve been able to if you had been studying alone. In one study session you were convinced Soonyoung was your study buddy soulmate. Soonyoung noticed you had warmed up to him rather quickly. Throughout the study session you would slip into casual conversation about your lives, and it almost made him believe you were close friends helping each other study for upcoming tests.

After nearly 7 hours of diligently studying you had finally reached your limit for the day. Leaning back in your chair, you stretched the stiffness out of your arms and let out a small yawn. Soonyoung watched you, mildly amused. “We should stop before one of our brains combust.” You pulled Soonyoung’s pen from his hand. He wasn’t about to protest stopping for the night, not when his hand was cramping so badly that he felt if he wrote one more sentence it might fall of his wrist. The two of you packed up your books and other supplies into your bags without a word.

“Maybe you should let me walk you home. I don’t want you to get kidnapped or something.” Soonyoung rubbed the back of his neck, avoiding your gaze. A small smile made its way to your lips as you accepted his offer. You knew your home wasn’t very far from the school, only about a 5 minute walk, but you found yourself wanting to spend more time with Soonyoung.

The walk was mostly silent with the occasional secret glance between the two of you. You stopped in front of the entrance to a red brick apartment building, Soonyoung standing right in front of you. You thought it amusing how cliche the scene would look to a passerby. “Thanks for accepting my study offer, it was really beneficial for me. Maybe we can make those study sessions a normal thing?” You had a hopeful look in your eyes as you asked the last question. Soonyoung felt a pang of guilt right above his heart, but ultimately brushed it off. He wouldn’t begin to regret his decisions, not when he’s gotten too far in. “I think that might be a good idea. I’ll come find you in the morning when I’m up for an afternoon of studying.” He couldn’t meet your gaze, finding the grass peeking through the cracks in the sidewalk far more interesting than anything else.

“I’ll be in the library when you need to schedule an afternoon of studying.” Your joke was lighthearted, but it weighed heavily on Soonyoung. Maybe stealing the one thing you worked hardest for was evil, maybe you didn’t deserve it, maybe he was being irrational about ruining whatever possible friendship you could have all because you cut back funds to the dance team. You turned around to wave at Soonyoung before continuing towards the building and eventually disappearing behind its doors. Soonyoung didn’t move an inch from where you left him. He hated the guilty feeling he was getting, but he knew there was nothing that could be done anymore. He was already too deep into his revenge.

Your studying sessions with Soonyoung became more frequent towards the end of the quarter. Over the past few months you and him would have normally one or two study sessions in a week, but as ranking announcements got closer you began to request they be nearly everyday. You felt better when studying with Soonyoung, and at this point Soonyoung just liked to spend time with you. Through your study sessions Soonyoung eventually learned the reason for you cutting back funding to the dance team, and you felt it to be justified. He never directly asked why you did it, but instead he let you tell him on your own.

The week of ranking announcements was the most stressful week for both you and Soonyoung, though they were stressful each for a different reason. You, of course, were stressing over having perfect markings to keep your rank while Soonyoung was stressed over seeing you so tired and out of it.

“Let’s skip studying for today. You’ve been working so much, and you obviously need a break.” Soonyoung stood in between you and the entrance to the library. It was the last Tuesday before rankings would be announced for the quarter and you had a last minute test tomorrow, but you couldn’t find it in you to say no to him. “You have something in mind, don’t you?” You asked upon seeing his face light up when you didn’t immediately disagree and push past him to enter the library. Soonyoung said nothing as he grabbed your hands and pulled you outside and down the street.

Soonyoung didn’t release his grip on your hands till both of you were inside a little cupcake shop, and even then you still had to shake his grasp on your hands to be able to point out which cupcake you wanted from the display case. After paying the excited boy pulled you to a table in front of one of the large windows in the shop. “You didn’t have to take me to a cupcake store, like, we could’ve just gone to a park or something.” You peeled the wrapping from the small cake slowly to avoid crumbs falling onto the table. Soonyoung sat in front of you happily eating his cupcake. In truth he needed a distraction from the constant reminder of rankings being announced this week, and he figured he could also get you out of the library so you didn’t study yourself to death. “You deserve a little treat with all the studying you do.” He spoke quickly in between taking bites of his cupcake. You couldn’t help smiling at him; you truly did need this break from studying.

However sweet your cupcake outing with Soonyoung was, you eventually returned to your relentless studying before rankings were announced. The morning of ranking announcements you found yourself filled with an anxious feeling once again. You knew no one -- besides maybe Soonyoung -- studied as hard as you did so you shouldn’t have to worry about your rank changing, but you couldn’t stop the anxiety from washing over you. Your routine of watching the clock like a hawk never changed. Your eyes were glued to the skinny second hand as it tick, tick, ticked its way closer to the end of the class. The assistant principal would be taping the spreadsheets for each year to the corkboard right now, but you wouldn’t see it for another thirty minutes. You’d have to sit for another thirty minutes in anxious waiting.

Once the class reached the ten minute mark you began counting down. You bounced your leg as a way to count the passing seconds; sixty bounces ten times for a total of six hundred. By the time the bell rang you were already halfway out the door and hurrying down the hall to the corkboard in front of the library. Somewhere along the way Soonyoung began walking next to you, but you were too focused on getting to the board to be bother to say anything to him. The closer you two got the more Soonyoung began to worry, the more he began to pray that he didn’t affect your rankings, and the more he prepared to potentially lose you.

Over the months that you two spent together he quickly learned how important your ranking was to you and how much influence it had on you getting into college. Your family was far from wealthy, barely scraping by to pay rent and put cheap, microwaveable food on the table. They weren’t able to afford to attend college themselves, and they certainly weren’t well off enough to be able to send you to college. However your ranking would solve that through guaranteed scholarships; it was your only hope at creating a successful life for yourself. Soonyoung knew one quarter wouldn’t matter in the long run; he knew you could always reclaim your spot at # 1 in the next quarter, but he also knew how much time you spent to obtain perfect scores in order to keep the # 1 ranking.

You and Soonyoung got to the corkboard before a large crowd began to form around it. Like every quarter you started reading from the bottom and made your way up, but something was different about this sheet. You didn’t make it all the way to the top of the list before seeing your name. Soonyoung watched you go over the name again and again and again until you turned around to look at him. “When you said you’d ‘knock me off my pedestal’ is this what you meant? Soonyoung you know how hard I’ve worked to keep my rank.” You have him the most heartbroken look he could’ve imagined. He hoped you wouldn’t have remembered his threat from all those months ago, and for the most part you had forgotten about it, but it lingered in the back of your mind waiting to be uncovered.

“Wait, please let me explain. I started this when I was still so angry at you for cutting back funds to the dance team and I thought the only proper revenge was to hurt what you worked for the same way you did to me. Please believe me when I say I never regretted anything more than I regret this.” Soonyoung reached for, pleading that you believe him. When he hands got close enough to grab onto your hands you moved back. You did believe that he regrets what he did, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to forgive him, not at that moment at least. You shook your head, “I think I need some time away from you so I can properly come to terms with everything.” Soonyoung watched you quickly turn to walk away. He wanted to call out for you, but no words were forming so he watched you walk away from him.

The following week you avoided Soonyoung at all possible costs. You had eventually come to terms with being second for now, but you knew you would get back to the # 1 rank by the end of the next quarter. You continued your relentless studying, but now you were alone once again. There were a few times where you’d ask a question aloud expecting Soonyoung to answer it, though you were always met with silence and an empty chair next to you. Soonyoung gave you the space you had asked for, and you began to hate it. As the days wore on you began missing the way he bumped his elbow into yours while writing down notes. You missed his overly organized notes, each with a set color scheme. Hell, you missed just being able to look forward to him coming to look for you every morning. Your motivation slowly wore thin until you decided it was better to swallow your pride and look for him rather than just sitting their pretending to study.

The next morning you completely skipped showing up to the library, instead going to the one place you’d know he’d be in: the dance room. You had a vague memory of where the dance room was located in the school so you were able to make it there with only a few incorrect turns. Once you heard the music seeping out from under the door to a room you knew you had finally found it, however no who you were looking for. When you stepped into the room you were met by Minghao teaching a choreo to a boy you didn’t recognize, “Uh, so sorry to interrupt but where is Soonyoung?” Your question took Minghao’s attention from the boy to you. A smirk made its way to his lips.

“Don’t know, maybe try the one place he’d look for you in.” Minghao chuckled as you quickly dashed out of the room and down the halls leading back to the library. In your rush to get back to the library you ran past Soonyoung without immediately realizing who you had just passed.

“Wait,” your scream stopped Soonyoung in his tracks. “Please wait.” He turned around to find you closing the gap between you two. You stopped in front of him, but made no move to say anything. Soonyoung watched you struggle to find the words you wanted to say. “I’m sorry, and I know that won’t fix everything, but please know I’m so sorry.” He spoke before you could properly form a sentence.

“I’m sorry too. It was so stupid of me to getting mad at you over something like that when I should’ve been congratulating you, and I miss you. A lot.” You fiddled your thumbs against the other towards the end of your confession, until you felt a pair of arms wrap around your shoulders and pull you against his chest. You wasted no time looping your arms around his torso. “Maybe you could make it up to me by taking me on a cupcake date.” Soonyoung’s smile grew wider when he felt you giggle into his chest.

“Meet me in front of the library after school and you’ll get your cupcake date.”

[imaginedisish]

Just Like Heaven (Colin Ritman x Reader) (Bandersnatch)

A/N: It felt so good to write again. Holy CRAP I MISSED IT. Please give me some requests! This wasn’t a request someone gave me, but something I actually requested another fic writer to write. I don’t even remember who…but enjoy! (ps I had so much trouble staying in the present tense. it’s soooo much easier and comfortable to write in the past tense like woah) (and yes this is a The Cure reference for all my New Wave fans) (Also it’s 2:28am where I’m at so if there are grammar mistakes and mess ups and stuff i’m SO SORRY)

Warnings: Some language, references to drug use, overload of fluff?? I think that’s it. 

Summary: AU!(idk when)Colin picks you up from dance, and to your surprise comes in to watch. Things get…interesting to say the least. (word count: 1,617 i think)

“Come on ladies! Hit those turns!” That was practically all your teacher screamed throughout class. You couldn’t wait to get out of dance; Colin was picking you up. You two had been dating for a short while now, but it felt like you’d known him your whole life. It was something special, something you had never felt with anyone else before him. 

You looked over to the clock. It was 3:25. Just five minutes left, you reminded yourself. Five minutes until you were with Colin. 

On the same wall as the clock was a cheap, one way mirror. Your dance studio owner put it there so parents with younger children could watch their kids dance during class without distracting the kids. It was completely useless, since you could easily make out shadows and shapes through it, sometimes even whole people, which entirely defeated its intended purpose. 

Suddenly, you hear the studio door creak open. Through the fake one way mirror, a tall, slender figure waltzes into the lobby, and sits down on the sofa. You could make out his shape from a mile away. 

It was Colin. 

He adjusts his glasses, and leans back. It’s almost clear that he’s making eye contact with you. He smirks, and slowly places his hands behind his head. 

Oh god no, today of all days he decides to come in, you think to yourself. You weren’t on your game at all today. Your pirouettes were totally off, your grand jetes were not as high as usual, and your fouettes were a sloppy mess. You expected more from yourself, especially since you were the lead in the dance. 

“(Y/N)!” Your head spins to face your dance teacher. “We are going from the top! Are you going to stop staring into space and focus now?” Heat flushed to your cheeks from the embarrassment of being screamed at by your teacher, but you nodded, accepting your mistake nevertheless. 

You took your position in the center of the room, and began to prepare yourself for the beginning of the number. Please don’t suck this time…please just do things right…do. not. fuck. up, you thought to yourself. 

The music began to play, and you tried your best to concentrate. The number was “Cell Block Tango” from Chicago. The way your teacher choreographed it was relatively raunchy, more raunchy than the original, and you were almost nervous for Colin to watch it. However, you seemed to be doing better this time than any other time before. 

“Pop! Six! Squish! Uh uh! Cicero! Lipschitz!” You fluidly moved across the black floor, hitting every pose, every position, every jump and every turn much better than you had been before Colin’s appearance.

The music slowed down, and it was time for your section. Your heart jumped into your throat. 

“My sister, Veronica and I had this double act, and my husband, Charlie, traveled round with us…” You continued, sexily strutting across the floor, executing every move with relative ease, all while lip-sinking to the mirror as if it was the audience. Even the other girls in your class were entranced by your performance. 

“I come back, open the door, and there's Veronica and Charlie, doing number seventeen…” you nail a triple pirouette, “…the spread eagle,” and then slowly slide down into a perfect, yet suggestive split. You continued on, pushing through the center split and onto your stomach, and rolling over to stand up. 

The rest of the dance went on relatively well. Still, you knew you could’ve done better. 

“Good job today ladies!” Your teacher exclaims as you grab your things to leave the studio. Her compliment most definitely did not apply to you, you think to yourself. “Keep practicing at home!” But that one most definitely did.

Your class thanks the teacher, and quickly rushes out the door. You walk down the hallway and spot Colin’s platinum blonde hair among the crowd of ponytails and buns that had flooded the grey lobby in a hurry to leave the building. 

Colin makes eye contact with you, and immediately smiles widely. He waves, and you wave back. 

Eventually, after pushing through some of the bunheads in your class, you make it to Colin. You fall into his arms almost instantly, groaning in exhaustion and annoyance. He wraps his arms around you in return, kissing the crown of your head lightly. 

“I’m sorry, I must be a sweaty, disgusting mess,” You giggle into Colin’s chest. 

“Do you really think I care?” He says back to you sarcastically. You can’t help but smile at his remark. He pulls you away from him, grabs your hand, and guides you through the sea of dancers that stand in the lobby. 

You and Colin make your way through the parking lot, and walk towards Colin’s lime green, vintage 1983 Ford Capri S. He loves that car way too much, but there’s just something about it that screams Colin. 

He quickly runs in front of you, and opens the car door for you. 

“I can open doors for myself, you know. This isn’t the 1800s, Colin,” You remark, smirking at your wittiness. 

“I can’t be a gentleman for once?” Colin says, rolling his eyes jokingly, waiting for you to get into the car so that he could close the door. He closes the door for you, and cooly slides over the hood of the car to get to the other side.

Once he’s in the car, he places “Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me,” by The Cure on cassette into the cassette player. You were amazed that he was able to find the album on tape, given the fact that it was hard to find in any other medium. But of course, it was Colin, and he never ceased to amaze you in the first place. He pulls out of the parking spot, and begins drive away from the studio.

“I didn’t want to say it in there, I figured the brainless bunheads would flip their shit,” Colin says, laughing, “but my god you were absolutely amazing in that dance!” Colin exclaims, beaming with happiness. You shook your head. You were so disappointed in your performance, it was probably the worst you had danced in a while. 

“I’ve done it so much better before, Colin. And at least five of those brainless bunheads are more talented than I’ll ever be,” you say back to him as you approach a red light.

Then, you feel his hand on your thigh. His face turns to face yours. 

“That’s impossible. You have to see the bigger picture. You have more stage presence than any other girl in that room. You stand out. You’re so special, (Y/N), you’re incredible,” the corners of his mouth slowly curl up into a kind grin. He’s so amazing, just so spectacularly perfect, you think to yourself.

Even when you feel like you are at your worst, Colin makes you feel like you are at your best. He’s addicting, a drug you can never get enough of. No. In fact, he is better than getting high, even though you two do that from time to time together. 

You smile back up at him. Before you can even think about what to say next, the words spill out of your mouth.

“This is why I’m in love with you.” It isn’t until after you say those words that you realize the impact of what you just said. Neither of you have said the “L” word yet. It was something you just haven’t gotten to. Colin glares at you, showing no real emotion. 

You internally face palm, feeling like you just made the biggest mistake of your life. Of course Colin doesn’t love you. There was no way he could ever love you. It was impossible. He was just too perfect. You were about to cry, right here, right now, in THE Colin Ritman’s car, on THE Colin Ritman’s vintage leather seats.

His eyes refuse to leave yours, his hand still on your thigh. You turn away from him in embarrassment. You feel heat creeping up your cheeks. You didn’t have to look in a mirror to tell your face was growing indescribably red. 

“Green light,” You state factually, trying to ignore your mistake. 

Colin was still saying nothing. He hadn’t move the car yet either. He just continued to stare at you. You turn to face him again, tears filling your eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” You choke. “I know it’s early. I shouldn’t have said anything. I get it and i- ” Before you could finish your sentence, Colin takes his hand off your thigh, and places your chin between his index finger and his thumb. His eyes look down to your lips, and he captures them in an intense, passionate kiss that would make any girl melt. 

He pulls away, looking deeply into your eyes. You search his crystal, blue eyes for some sort of an answer.

“Never apologize for saying that, ever,” Colin commanded. “Do you understand?” 

You nod in reply. 

“Because,” Colin pauses, swallowing, his adams apple bobbing, “because I’m in love with you.”

He pauses for a second. Then, he cups your cheeks, pulling you into another long, slow, and passionate kiss. You wish the kiss could last forever, but it’s cut short by the honking of a horn from the car behind you. 

Colin cranks down the window, and nonchalantly sticks a middle finger out. 

“Colin!” You try reprimanding him, but it’s no use. Colin simply chuckles loudly, and you laugh with him. He finally takes his foot off the break, and begins to drive again. 

Just like heaven, you think to yourself. 

It really was…it was just like heaven. 

[x--daughters-of-darkness--x]

INTERVIEW: Alecia 'Mixi' Demner of Stitched Up Heart (March 2020)

LIVE METAL: Before we get into the fun stuff, we should touch on the big issue in the world happening right now, the coronavirus pandemic. It’s affecting musicians with tours and festivals being canceled. Stitched Up Heart has a bunch of dates scheduled coming up later this month. Are those still on as far as you know?

ALECIA “MIXI” DEMNER: I just got the call, and it’s pushed to the fall. This whole thing is insane. Obviously, there’s a lot of planning and stuff that goes into a tour. We’ve been preparing, whether it be gear, whether it be flying people places to make sure our crew is ready. The crew has to make sure that they’re available during that time with whatever their side jobs are. So everything—RV rental, merchandise—everything gets pushed and put on hold for this. So a lot of people are really disappointed

I’m trying to look at the positive of it, and I actually already have set up a ton of writing sessions during this time, and I’m gonna try to pump out another album during this time. I’m just trying to stay productive, and since there’s a bunch of people that are usually on tour that we would typically get together with or we’re usually trying to find time that’s available to everyone. Now this time just freed up, and I’m basically trying to fill it.

Trying to make something good out of an unfortunate situation.

That’s always the way to look at it, right? How can this turn into a positive? There always is a positive in it. This whole pausing the music industry thing—I was just thinking about it on my way back home—is going to actually probably affect the music industry afterwards in such a positive way, because you’re taking it all away from everyone. Nobody can go to shows. They’re stopping people from being able to go out and do something. So once people are allowed back out again to go to shows and be at places that allow more than 100, 250 people a venue, they’re probably gonna be really, really excited about it.

Switching gears, the new album, “Darkness,” comes out tomorrow. You’ve been slowly releasing the songs one by one for a while now, but it’s still got to be exciting to have the end product finally out there.

Oh yeah. It’s been a really, really interesting process as far as this release goes. We wanted to try something new with this waterfall effect, and it’s not something that rock bands have really tapped into. So we were curious to see what kind of result we would get. I think the rock fan base is very loyal, and they usually buy albums, but it still has changed over time. I mean, our last record was released in Best Buy. It’s changed so much that now streaming is such a big thing. I even stream. I listen to stuff on Spotify when I want to hear something new. We can’t really be upset about it. So I think that having streaming and having something new and building momentum and keeping things fresh in people’s minds is an interesting way to go about it, and it seems to be doing well for us.

I would think this strategy would allow you to see even more which songs people are really getting into. Have you noticed anything like that or any surprises?

Oh yeah, absolutely. Having each individual song released as its own is so different from just having a whole album and then skipping over a song every once in a while, and then maybe a year from now, you go, “Wow, that song’s actually really good. I never really paid attention to it.” Each song gets a little more notoriety on its own.

I think streaming, in general, you can tell singles are really, truly these days based off whether or not the listeners are responding well. It’s not so much this is the single everybody thinks will be the big one. It’s more this is the one that’s getting the most response based off people streaming it. So you can see it a little more.

With having this longer release process, has it been hard to sit on some of these songs for longer than usual?

For me, no. For the listeners, probably yeah. For me, I’ve already heard them. (laughs) I practiced them a million times. It’s kind of nice having that. But yeah, I could see it would be frustrating for some people—”Give me the album already! Give me the album!” But something to look forward to is exciting to me.

How long was the process of writing and recording these songs?

We probably started in about February and finished the whole thing, after 70 songs, in September, I want to say, of not last year, the year before. So it’s been a whole entire year, because we released everything throughout a year. But the actual songs out of the 70 that we ended up using were pretty much all written at the very end, within a two-month period.

So how did that work out? Was there something that changed along the way that made you decide those were the ones you wanted?

I think just like anything you do in life, the more you do it the better you get. Especially with this record, we tried to try new things, and the beginning as all experimental. Eventually, we found a lane that everybody liked and was happy with, and the producer that we wanted to use, which was a huge, key element. We finally found what I wanted to say, ‘cause that changed also. Originally, lyrically I wanted to just sing about being strong and all this powerful stuff, but I realized that it wasn’t coming out as authentic, because there’s so much it takes to teach you to be strong. So lyrically, I really needed to grow in that sense and find the right deep, dark stuff that I had to pull out of me. Musically, we found a modern rock sound that worked really well, we felt like, for an evolution and not to stray too far from our original identity.

As you said, it’s been a while since the first album. It’s been almost four years. How have you and the band changed during that time?

Oh, gosh. A lot. (laughs) So much. When “Never Alone” was being written, we’d just got our first record deal after touring as a band for five years. I just became sober right when that writing session was happening. We didn’t even know what Active Rock Radio charts were. We hit the ground running with that album, and it just evolved. We met so many people. We made so many relationships over the last couple years. It’s been really cool. We’ve grown, obviously, as performers, as songwriters, as people in general. We’ve learned so much.

Do birds have some kind of special meaning to you? They’ve been on the covers of each album.

Yeah. I feel like a bird is something like what music does. It kinda takes you away from everything. You can fly out of your life and just be sucked into this whole other world, and it’s this freedom. And birds kind of feel like freedom to me. With “Never Alone,” because I was a bright-eyed, doey-eyed baby in the real rock industry at the time and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and everything was looking amazing, and the doves coming out of the darkness was this, OK, there’s a light. And I went through a lot of stuff afterwards, and I kept seeing crows everywhere. I didn’t even plan to do this bird theme, but it just worked. They were everywhere, and I kept noticing them. I was like, “That’s got to be some sort of sign.”

I started looking into what they represent, and they’re very, very wise creatures. They’re supposed to be messengers almost from a different realm or a spiritual realm. I looked at it as there’s a sign in this. The lyrics, how I went through some dark times again, the whole thing kind of tied in really well together with the dark crow coming out of the light, like I just went through greatness, but look, stuff is happening and you have to go through it, and that’s part of life and not to be afraid of it anymore because you know you made it through it before.

But yeah, it’s a sense of freedom and being able, musically, to take you out of whatever your day-to-day life is.

I noticed following the band on social media that on your last tour, you had started to play guitar on stage a little bit. Had you done that before?

Yeah, that’s how I started writing songs when I was in high school. I got my first guitar at 15, and I would go to open mic nights three nights a week and play acoustic and sing along. For the longest time, in every band I was in I either played guitar or bass. When I started this band in 2010, the guitar player was so good, the first guitar player was so good, I just quit. (laughs) I was like, “Dude, I will never be that good. I’m gonna leave it up to you, and I’ll just sing and scream, and focus on that.”

For the longest time, I hid behind the guitar. That guitar was like my safety net, my blanket, and I realized I could actually perform without it, which was a whole new learning experience. Then for I don’t know how many years, we would hire a rhythm guitar player, and we just kept having this revolving door with this one guitar player position.

When we thought about it the last tour we did with Steel Panther, we decided that it might be smarter for us to get a sound guy out front instead of a second guitar player, because we found a guy that was really good and the chemistry was great. So we decided to try the last tour out with it, and I was like, “What songs need a second guitar?” And “Catch Me When I Fall” was the only one that really needs it. So I was like OK, I’ll learn this one song and we’ll see how it goes. And I was super nervous. (laughs) It had been nine years since I played on stage with a guitar. I was even nervous to practice with the band. I was like, oh my god, I’m gonna be horrible. The first show, I hit one wrong note, but no one noticed—I did. I practiced every day, just the one song, and it went well, and it sounded great.

So we decided we don’t need a second guitarist for the moment. It’s just more fun for me. I learned another song of ours that I’m gonna bring in. I don’t want to play every single song on guitar, ‘cause I still have to perform. It’s kind of breathing life into me, to be honest.

What was it like to tour with Steel Panther?

Well, what happens backstage stays backstage with that band, but they are such great people. They really, really made sure we were happy. Just really great people, super supportive. Michael Starr literally watched every single set. He watched us play every single night. We hung out, and we’d have little meetings, check in on each other, see how everybody’s doing. And actually the fan base—this was the thing I was most surprised of—the fan base, I didn’t know how they were gonna react to us, being that we’re, obviously, a different kind of style of music. I was scared they were gonna ask me to show my boobs or something (laughs), because some of the audience might be a little crazy. But they were so receptive and responsive. We were really shocked, because everybody was just so excited to be at a rock show that they were probably the most energetic crowd we’ve ever played for and super exciting and fun. And I think that’s how the Sebastian Bach tour ended up happening. We didn’t realize that’s a whole entire different kind of rock genre that we hadn’t explored, and we might be OK in the ‘80s hair metal scene—I don’t know.

I think that’s all the questions I’ve got for you right now. Is there anything else you’d like to say?

No, just with the tour being postponed, in the meantime I have already set up a ton of writing sessions, and I probably am going to be fostering some more bottle baby kittens, which I usually do when we’re not on the road. If anybody is interested in helping this rescue that I’m super passionate about, their website is kittenrescue.org.

[emeraldwaves]

Title: A Dragon’s Magic Chapter 14 Pairing:  Kacchako Rating: M  (This ch is NSFW) Word Count:  5,559 Summary: Uraraka Ochako has always believed in dragons, though she was constantly told they were long since extinct. Now an adult and professional mage, she’s ready to help her parents as a healer for their village. The last thing she expects is for her beliefs to become a reality, but when a dragon attacks her village, she learns there’s more to magic than she ever could’ve realized. Read on AO3 Thanks to @amaisenshi for reading ahead!! :D

"Rise and shine, sleepyheads!" Mirio's voice echoed through the barn, and Ochako blinked, groaning as she buried her face against Bakugou's chest. His long cloak was wrapped around her shoulders and she nuzzled her face into the furry lining.

"Oi..." Bakugou grumbled. Normally, he was awake in the morning, but after everything they did yesterday he seemed a little drained.

"We're doing a magical ritual today!" Mirio said, throwing his hands into the air. "We gotta get up and start being active."

"That sounds horrible," Ochako whined and clung to Bakugou.

"It's going to be amazing! After watching you two yesterday, I'm incredibly excited," he smirked, posing in front of the open barn door.

"Don't you think we should be well rested?" Ochako mumbled, peeking her eyes out from behind the cloak. She squinted looking at the tall blond.

"I already let you guys sleep in!" he said and jumped up. "Come and get some breakfast! We made plenty of eggs!"

"Eggs," Bakugou grumbled, wrinkling his nose as he pushed himself up, letting Ochako flop against the soft pile of hay. "Let's go Cheeks."

"Okay, okay," she said, yawning loudly as she pushed herself up and out of the hay. She grabbed her staff and reached forward taking Bakugou's hand as they made their way outside.

Tamaki was standing by the fence and he glanced at Mirio. "I told you not to wake them up."

"Tamaaa~" Mirio hummed, wrapping his arms around him. "We have a show tonight! We need to make sure everything goes right with them!" He nuzzled his cheek against Tamaki's and clung to him. It was bizarre, to see him so eager to please the dragon male.

"Sorry about him," Tamaki said softly. "Go eat."

"Yeah," Ochako yawned again. "It's okay, but I am starving." She blinked, and bowed quickly, not wanting to be rude. "A-Ah, sorry... thank you for making us food and letting us stay here!" she said.

Mirio smiled, sliding away from Tamaki. "Of course! To be honest, it's really nice to meet another dragon, even if he is grouchy as hell!" Mirio teased.

Bakugou let out a snort, folding his arms over his chest as he made his way towards the house.

"Katsuki doesn't know how to talk to people very well," Ochako said, watching his back as he went.

"But he knows how to talk to you," Mirio smiled. "The two of you are a very good team. We could sense that yesterday."

"Oi! Cheeks! Come eat this shit!" he yelled from the doorway.

"Still..." Ochako sighed. "I don't know why he's like this."

Mirio chuckled. "You better get going. We should head into the forest as soon as possible. The magical ritual will take a lot out of you. You'll probably want to rest once it's done."

Ochako nodded. "I know Katsuki is eager to get back to his home, but I want to make sure we're prepared to do so. I know they're going to have a lot of questions for us. And... as good as it is that we can help Katsuki get his magic back... there are still so many dragons struggling. We can’t just shove humans at them to bond with either..."

"Right," Mirio muttered, tapping his chin.

"Can you... explain in further details what's happening?" Tamaki asked softly.

"Well," Ochako sighed, air slipping from her lips. "Katsuki could probably explain better, but the flow of magic doesn't seem to be working properly. Dragons are having a hard time sharing their energy. It just seems to be disappearing."

"Mmm..." Tamaki muttered tapping his chin. "Someone must be draining a source. A human or other dragon draining from one dragon."

"I see..." Ochako whispered. "Is there anyway to check or test that?"

"No..." Tamaki whispered. "Though a dragon probably wouldn’t have issues with magic if they're sucking everyone else dry."

"So they could hide their dragon form completely?" she asked.

Tamaki nodded.

"Hmm..." Ocahko hummed. "I'll talk to Katsuki about it. Thank you both, for all your help." She bowed again, nodding to the two of them.

"It's not a problem," Tamaki muttered, blushing as he stared down at the goats in the pen.

"We've enjoyed getting to know you two," Mirio smiled, nudging his mate. "Right, Tamaki?"

"Mmm..." Tamaki nodded. "I don't mind you."

"I could see how Katsuki could be a lot for you," Uraraka giggled softly. "Anyway, we'll be right back."

She scurried into the house, met by Bakugou staring at the table with eggs on it. She snorted, laughing as she took a seat next to him. "You know... you won't be able to absorb them by just looking at them."

"Shut up. I hate eggs," he grumbled, shoving a bite into his mouth.

"Noted," she laughed and gently placed her hand over his. "Katsuki... since we're alone for a moment. I just... wanted to ask if you felt ready..."

"'Course I do," he said, swallowing the bite down. "I feel more ready than ever. I could've done it yesterday."

She smiled, pulling some eggs and bacon onto her plate. "Oh? You seemed pretty concerned yesterday."

"Whatever!" he snarled. "We're doing it today and I don't wanna wait any fuckin' longer.

"Good," she whispered. "I don't want to wait much longer either. Do you... think that's a sign it will work?"

"Hah!?" Bakugou growled, slamming his fork down. "Oi... Cheeks," he leaned in towards her. "Are you thinking it won't work?"

She blushed and shrugged. "It's... powerful magic," she whispered.

He pressed his forehead against hers and she let out a small peep, staring at his intense red eyes. She'd seen him look this serious a few times, but it was directed right at her and her heart trembled.

"You're my goddamn mate. I wouldn't choose anyone else. It's gonna work."

"Yeah," she whispered. "I know you're right." She couldn't help but smile. Bakugou's confidence was extremely contagious, and as nervous as she was to perform the ritual, she also was growing more and more convinced it would work. Bakugou didn't seem to have any doubt so why should she?

Swallowing the rest of her meal, she stood up. "Okay!" she nodded. "Let's do it! We gotta believe in ourselves!"

"I fuckin' believe," Bakugou snorted, standing up as he wrapped his hand around hers. "Let's get a move on."

He pulled her out of the house and she followed him back towards where Mirio and Tamaki stood.

"Wow!" Mirio blinked. "That was fast!"

"Katsuki was hungry and... I think we're both a little eager," Ochako admitted, rubbing her neck as she swung her and Bakugou's hands back and forth.

"Of course!" Mirio said. "Let's head to the clearing from yesterday, shall we?"

"Okay!" Ochako nodded, following after the older pair.

The woods shimmered with sunlight cutting through the trees and birds chirped around them. The day was peppy and full of energy and life, something Ochako greatly appreciated. It was about to be a new beginning for her and Bakugou, and she was fully ready to accept that. After all they had been through, and all they planned to do, Ochako couldn't help but have a positive feeling.

She turned her gaze towards him, wondering what she would do when they had to say their vows. She swallowed, this ritual was practically like getting married... she wished she had thought of that before. She would've spent time to write up her vows... though knowing Bakugou he was probably just gonna yell his in her face.

Oddly endearing. She was looking forward to it.

"I set stuff up last night for both of you," Mirio smiled, making his way through to the clearing. "Tamaki and I didn't use a magic circle, but I've read that it works better if you do," he said. "I can give you the book on how to do this if you want, since you'll be returning to other dragons."

"That would be amazing!" Ochako smiled, stepping into the clearing as she stared at the large markings on the ground. The circle took up the majority of the dirt area. There were long and triangular patterns on the inside and a smaller circle in the middle, where Ochako assumed they were meant to stand.

"Mhm," Mirio chuckled. "The way I see it, you guys will need it way more than we will."

Ochako turned towards Bakugou, noting how intense his red eyes were. His gaze was fixated on the circle, the golden scales on his cheek shimmering in the sunlight. He really was beautiful. She squeezed his hand, feeling emotional just looking upon him.

"We should get started," Mirio nodded, gesturing towards the circle.

"I agree," Ochako nodded. "Are you ready Katsuki?"

"Don't make me pick you up and carry you in there," he grunted, turning away from her, his cheeks bright red.

In her other hand, she clutched her staff, wondering how it would feel to do magic without it. It had always been her connection to her grandmother and her power, and the thought of no longer needing it terrified her. Though she also knew she could continue using it if she so pleased.

The two made their way into the circle, carefully avoiding stepping on any of Mirio's markings. Ochako turned towards him, holding her staff in one hand and his hand in her other. She nodded once, determination pulsing in her veins.

They could do this. They could be one together, sharing magic.

Bakugou sucked in a long breath of air, huffing out as he stared at her. He was ready, she could tell.

"Alright," Mirio said, taking in a large breath of air himself as he stretched up. "Once you two get a magic flow between you, Uraraka, you say your vow first and then Bakugou you say yours. You'll both probably feel a little lightheaded afterwards, but after a few moments you'll be able to use magic freely."

"Still you should probably take it easy," Tamaki said. "Your bodies will need time to adjust."

Ochako nodded, squeezing Bakugou's hand.

"Alright, alright... let's just fucking do this!" he grumbled, and let his eyes close.

"We have to start with magical transfer," Ochako said. "If you feel weird, please tell me and we'll stop okay?"

"Same goes for you, Cheeks!" he grunted, squeezing her hand.

"Right," she whispered.

Taking a step towards him, she placed her magical staff over his chest. She took a deep breath, channeling her magic into his body. Her hand and staff glowed pink, the glistening particles making their way into Bakugou's chest.

She sighed, slowly feeling the energy draining from her body. Her hand began to vibrating, the feeling of Bakugou's magic rushing into her. His hand trembled against her, shining a golden color.

Beneath them, the circle began to light up, her cloak flapping gently against her body, moving from the energy pulling from the air. The circle was a mix of pink and golden, glistening orange throughout as their magic filled the air, pulsing between them.

It strange, feeling her magic slowly slip from her fingertips. It was a sensation she was used to, and yet, knowing she was giving it to Bakugou to share forever made her feel oddly emotional. Tears glistened in her eyes as she fought against them. This was their moment; she wanted to be strong.

And she knew she needed to speak, her body growing weaker.

"Bakugou Katsuki," she breathed, allowing her eyes to open, so she could get a good look at him. "I... never expected dragons to be real. I heard stories my whole entire life, but I never thought one would come literally crashing down into my village. I never thought I would say this but... I'm so happy you did."

She hadn't thought of what to say ahead of time, but now, everything felt right, the emotions pouring out of her. "I really feel so much stronger because of you. I've experienced so many new things and met so many wonderful people. I always thought my life would be small, but my experiences lately have been nothing but fantastically amazing and it's all thanks to you. I love you, and there's no one else I would rather spend the rest of my life with. There's no one else I'd rather be connected to. I'd do anything to help you and your people. I'd give you all my magic and soul."

There was a sharp pang in her chest and she sucked in a long gasp of air, the magic pulsing into her body.

She stared at Bakugou's wide red eyes. Maybe she said too much, it was supposed to be a short vow right?

She wished she knew why he was taking so long to talk. Her chest grew tighter, her hand trembling against his.

"Katsuki," she whispered.

"I know!" he growled, squeezing even harder at her hand. Bakugou was never very forthcoming with his feelings and having to do this in front of Mirio and Tamaki probably also stressed him out quite terribly.

She knew this sort of thing was difficult for him, but she needed him to be honest. If he wasn’t… this could all go horribly wrong. Already her chest hurt, magic rushing out of her body.

"Uraraka Ochako," he said and slammed his eyes shut, his teeth pressing against his lips.

"You can do it," she whispered.

"I fuckin' know that... they're just... words." He sighed and repeated her name. "Uraraka Ochako. Fuckin' humans piss me off. So damn much. They're ignorant and fuckin' stupid. But..." he trailed off for a moment, looking down at her round, brown eyes, "you're fucking strong. You're talented and you work so damn hard. You're persistent as hell and I feel... pretty damn lucky to know you. If I had crashed into any other village, I probably would've burned it down or been fucking killed. But you... saved me," he grunted, as though the words were painful to get out. "I'd give you all my magic. You and only you. No other human would ever be as good as you. I'd... I'd take on my dragon form forever if it meant I could keep your tiny human body safe!" he yelled. "I... I love you..."

As he spoke the words, the pain in Ochako's chest lightened, a flash of gold and pink light erupting from both of their chests. In between them, the colorful lights swirled together, melding into a golden orange, specks of pink flashing through the orbs. She wanted to reach out and touch it, desperate to feel the warmth of their magic against her fingertips. But instead, she kept her eyes fixated, watching as the energy slowly re-entered their bodies.

Ochako felt a rush of power surge through her, her blood rushing through her veins, feeling warm against her. She gasped as she fell into Bakugou, emotions running rampant. She felt the warmth of love, the tense, red frustration and anger, the anxiety of him potentially losing to his dragon form.

His arms wrapped around her, his entire body shaking. "K-Katsuki," she whispered, looking up at him as the scales on his cheeks, arms and neck began to disappear, his ears turning human. She'd never seen him look so normal.

He was panting, his eyes twitching, and she wondered if he was feeling everything she was; the slightly twinge of pain, the overwhelming amount of magical energy surging through her core.

Breathing out, she reached her hand up to gently touch his smooth cheek. "Wow..." she breathed. Her eyes darted about, noticing the light in the circle slowly fade.

"We... we did it..." she panted, her lips curling into a large smile, her eyes widening. "We did it! I-I think!?"

She let her staff fall to the ground and she pressed her hands together, sucking in a long breath of air. Reaching behind her, she kicked one foot up and then the other, tapping her feet with her hands.

Within a moment, her hands glowed pink and she began to hover above the ground! She was doing magic without her staff! "I'm floating! I did it on my own!" she gasped and grabbed his hands before lowering herself back down. Magic flowed easily... without her having to even think about it.

She could've cast any spell she wanted and it would work without touching the item.

She turned to Bakugou, remembering his scales were now completely hidden. "Are you okay?! Your scales are gone!"

Bakugou nodded, breathing heavily. "I... I don't need to hold it..." he muttered. "I don't need to hold back that damn dragon beast..."

"Really?" she asked, cupping his cheeks. Her thumbs gently brushed over his smooth skin. She stood on her tiptoes, pressing her lips to his. "I-I'm so happy!"

He wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her flush against his body. "Me too... dumbass," he growled.

She giggled, her eyes fluttering shut.

"Are you okay?!" Mirio called out, standing at the edge of the circle.

"Yeah!" Ochako called back, still keeping her arms wrapped around Bakugou. "I just.. uhm..." She panted heavily. "It... was a lot... of magic we used. I don't feel drained just... shaky?"

"That's normal," Mirio nodded, stepping into the circle, slowly approaching the two. "Your body isn't used to harboring this much magic. You'll probably feel exhausted while you adjust. How about you, Bakugou?"

"Feels good," he grunted. "I'm glad to not fight against my stupid dragon form."

"So you were fighting against it?" Ochako breathed.

"No..." he grunted.

"But you just said-"

"Look, it's fuckin' fine now!" he growled.

"It might take you both a moment to adjust to each others emotions and magic. The longer your bond lasts and deeper it grows, the more in tune with each other you'll become," Tamaki muttered.

"Exactly! Tamaki and I are super close because of it!" Mirio said, wrapping his arm around Tamaki's neck.

Ochako giggled, but fell against Bakugou again, panting heavily. "This... really does feel like a lot of magic." Her entire body felt hot, humming with an amount of magical energy she'd never felt. "No wonder your shows are so easy to perform..." she breathed.

"It does make things a lot easier," Mirio chuckled.

"Oi... Cheeks. You okay?" he muttered, wrapping his arms around her shoulders to keep her from falling.

"Mhm... I think... I just need to lay down while my body adjusts," she whispered, embarrassed she was the only one affected by this.

"Don't worry," Mirio said, as if he had read her mind. "I had to lay down for a day or so... just trying to get used to how much magic I had. It's overwhelming for a human body! Dragons are more used to this flow of energy."

"Y-Yeah..." Ochako said. "It feels like it wants to burst out of me."

"Well don't worry," Mirio laughed loudly. "It won't... and the two of you are welcome to stay in the barn again if you want."

"We could go back to the inn. I-I don't want to impose-"

"I don't think you should be walking so far," Mirio said, shaking his head. "We'll help you back to the barn and you two can rest up there until you're ready to return to the island. Besides, Bakugou shouldn't transform in the city, and he shouldn't be using that much magic right away.

Ochako nodded. Heading back to relax didn't sound like a bad idea, snuggling up to Bakugou in the hay... she loved the idea of being close to him while their bodies settled into their magic.

"Alright," she said, leaning against Bakugou. "Let's head back."

~~

"Mmm..." she hummed and nuzzled her face against Bakugou's chest. Her entire body still hummed with the overwhelming power housed inside of her. Laying in the hay, she felt exhausted and excited all at the same time.

"What?" he asked, raising his eyebrow at her.

"Your magic is really warm," she said softly.

"Well it's your magic too," he snorted, glancing away from her, though he kept his arm locked around her shoulder tight.

"Yeah but... now it's ours," she giggled tiredly. "And I love you."

Her brown eyes looked at him, staring at his face, her gaze fixated on his cheek.

"What the hell is that face?"

"Mm... it's weird seeing you without the scales," she said, reaching up to gently brush her fingers over his cheek.

"Oi..." he grumbled, "you want them back? See... Dragon fetish." He wrapped his finger around hers and pulled her pointer finger to his lips, kissing it.

"I-It's not that!" she gasped. "I-I just meant… it's weird seeing your face without them. I've only known you to have them..."

"Mmm..." he said, and closed his eyes, taking a few breaths as golden scales began to glisten across his skin. "Better?"

"Katsuki..." she muttered. "Mirio told us we should wait before we do anything drastic like that..."

"Oi..." he frowned. "How the fuck is this drastic? I just put scales on my fuckin' cheeks."

"Alright, alright," she giggled, reaching forward to brush her hand over his face, her fingers grazing the scales. "I did really miss them... but nothing else!"

"Hah?"

"No more magic. At least not until we sleep," she mumbled, scooting her body close to his. A yawn slipped from her lips. "It's weird to be so tired after being given so much magic."

"You gonna sleep, Cheeks?" he asked, his red eyes trailing over her body. She could feel his gaze looking her up and down. Her heart fluttered, her stomach dropping and her cheeks grew red.

Was this because they were connected now? She hadn't been feeling anything remotely like that... but then again they were snuggling close and they did participate in such an intimate ritual...

She stroked her fingers down his arm. "I don't... have to sleep," she whispered, turning her brown eyes up to look at him. "At least... not yet."

His lips pulled into a smirk as he rolled on top of her, her body sinking down into the hay. "Good," he hummed.

The yellow straw tickled her back, making her giggle as she stroked her hand over his shoulder. "I had my suspicions you were... feeling this way."

His brow furrowed and he glanced down at her, his hands sinking into the hay. "This bond shit is gonna be a pain in my ass," he grumbled.

"I bet you're gonna love it," she teased. "You'll know when I'm excited or sad, and I'll get to feel angry all the time."

"Oi! I feel other things besides anger," he snapped and she felt her heart throb in her chest.

"Sure," she smirked, gently placing her fist over her heart. "I-I know I'm teasing, but... I kind of like this buzz I'm feeling in my chest."

His hand rose to hers, wrapping his fingers around her fist as he leaned down to press their lips together. "Yeah..." he grumbled, mostly to himself. "Me too... I-I mean I don't hate or anything..."

She sighed, kissing him again. "I'm glad."

He pressed her down, their bodies sinking together. Ochako brought her hands to his cheeks, pulling his face closer to hers. More than anything she wanted to be close to him, connected in all senses of the word. They shared a bond now, and she wanted to deepen it physically, as embarrassing as that was.

Against his lips, she let out a sigh, her body rolling towards his, her arms wrapped around his neck. Her hips jerked up ever so slightly, feeling more excited than she originally thought she would be.

"Katsuki..." she breathed, her breath tickling against his lips. "I want you."

"I can fuckin' tell," he grumbled, nipping at her lower lip, tugging it into his mouth.

She rolled her eyes, her fingers tracing circles around his scales. "Is that all you have to say about this? I'm certain you were the one who started this anyway."

Her tone was playful, and though she was teasing him, a smile was pulled across her lips. She loved him, so much more than she could ever express.

"I want you too, idiot," he muttered, pressing his lips against hers.

She found she could've kissed him forever, lost in the taste of his lips against her own. Her chest swelled, her body rocking up to his, brushing her hips against his own.

His cheek, though covered in scales, was warm against her hand and Ochako wanted nothing more than to wrap herself in him completely. "Mate me, Katsuki," she whispered, pecking his lips.

With a growl, he kissed down her jaw. "It's dangerous to say shit like that, Cheeks," he said, nipping at her skin.

"Maybe I said it that way on purpose," she teased, brushing her hand through his hair.

His lips were hot, caressing her skin gently, pulling her flesh into his mouth. His tongue lapped over her neck.. "Mine," he growled, tugging harder and the edges of his teeth scraped her wet skin.

"Ngh..." she moaned, letting her head fall to the side. She was thankful Mirio and Tamaki had left them to perform their show; no was around to hear the sinful noises slipping from her lips. "Yours..." she sighed, her chest heaving.

"Clothes..." he grumbled, slipping his fingers under her cloak as he pushed it over her head, tossing it to the side.

The cool air made her nipples harden, her chest a weird mix of hot from her desires and cold from the air surrounding them. She let out a sigh, her fingers pressing into his bare shoulder. "Warm me up..." she whispered, leaning forward to kiss at his ear.

"Fuckin' gladly," he purred, moving down to wrap his lips around one of her nipples.

"A-Ah! Katsuki..." she hummed, her body immediately jolting with pleasure. His lips were wet and hot, his tongue swirling around her cold, hard bud. It made her back arch and hands slide down to his waist, pulling his hips closer. She wanted to feel the friction between them, desperate for some relief down by her lower half.

He switched to the other side, her legs wrapping around his hips when the ends of his teeth lightly grazed her nipple. "Ngh!" she moaned, leaning towards him. Her hands flew into his hair, pressing him closer to her chest. "Ah... hah... amazing..."

In the pit of her stomach, she felt her magical energy swirl around inside of her. With each touch against her skin, his fingers felt electrifying, shooting waves of pleasure and energy straight up her spine.

"Hah... ngh... it's... so intense..." she breathed while he lapped at her nipple, rapidly flicking his tongue back and forth.

She could feel her wetness pooling against her undergarments, desperate for him to connect to her.

"Yeah," he grunted, his hips humping towards her. He pulled away from her chest, leaning up to press their lips together. "You're my mate and you're fucking hot."

"P-Please..." she moaned. "Lower..."

"So much fucking magic your tiny body held..." he whispered, his hands slowly drifting down her stomach. His fingers were barely touching her body and she jerked upwards, desperate for his touch. When his fingers hit her skin, connecting them, she felt like a magnet, unable to move away from the gravitational pull of his fingers on her body.

"You had so much too," he muttered. His fingers hooked around her leggings, pulling them down with a smirk. She shivered, her folds dripping wet. "Someone is excited." He chuckled, pulling away from her as he lowered himself between her legs. He hooked his hands under her thighs, spreading them apart.

"Huh?" she gasped, leaning forward. "Katsuki? What are you- NGH!" She lurched forward, not expecting his tongue to flick between her legs, wrapping around her clit.

"Tastin' you..." he muttered, humming against her folds. Her body trembled with the vibrations, her eyes rolling as her back arched off the hay.

"Ah! M-More...!" she begged, unashamed when her hips thrust against his face.

She partially expected Bakugou to be sloppy, but shockingly he took his time. He alternated between his tongue and his thumb on her clit, sending jolts of pleasure up her spine, her own energy leaking from her fingertips.

Spreading her legs more, he leaned down, lapping up the juices leaking from her, he pressed his tongue inside, his wet muscle hitting the sensitive spots inside of her core. "K-Katuski..." she begged, humping against his face. "I-I'm going to cum..." she moaned, louder than she meant to, the sound echoing in the barn.

Before he had made her feel warm, but now her body felt positively ablaze with energy.

The grip on her thighs trembled the longer he held her in place, lapping at her faster. It was enough to push her over the edge, her body clenching as she came fast, her orgasm rushing out of her and onto Bakugou's tongue. "Oh gosh..." she sighed, her voice shaking.

He licked at the excess wetness, pulling back as he quickly shoved down his pants, his cock standing tall.

"Hah... Katsuki... I-I need..." she begged, her hips still twitching from the intensity of her orgasm.

"Don't worry, I can't take it anymore, Ochako," he growled, positioning himself at her entrance.

The moment his tip pushed against her hole, she let out a long sigh, as if the missing piece was finally filling her. "Hah... a-amazing..." she moaned, pulling his cheeks down to bring their lips together.

Kissing him, she wrapped her arms around his neck while he pushed inside of her, filling her completely.

She moaned, letting her eyes flutter shut. The energy pulsing through her veins was almost too much and she took a deep breath to not cum again right away. Their stream of magical energy flowed between them, entering her body and flowing through her bloodstream while it moved back to him, filling him just as much.

They were connected magically and physically, and the emotions were overwhelming. Ochako tried her best to hold back her tears, but a few slipped down her cheeks. Bakugou buried his nose into the crook of her neck. "My perfect fuckin' girl..." he breathed, kissing her neck.  "There’s no reason to cry, idiot."

"My perfect dragon," she sniffled, letting her fingers touch his cheek once more. "I-I can’t help it… everything feels so amazing."

"Good," he whispered, pushing into her faster.

There was a part of her deep down that kept expecting to wake up from this incredible dream, but as he began to move, pumping in and out of her, she knew it was real. There was so much magic sparkling between them, it was like she could see their golden and pink auras mingling in the air around them.

"Hah...ngh..." she panted, clinging to him while he shoved his hips into her. He was moving fast, his thrusts frantic. He pushed his hips towards her, her breasts bouncing against his chest with the movement.

"Ochako..." he muttered, pressing his lips against hers as they sank together, the echoes of their skin slapping together loud in the large barn.

"Hah... K-Katsuki... claim me."

He growled against her lips, nipping down on the flesh. He tugged her lip into his mouth, panting heavily. She loved the look of pure desperation on his face; his cheeks were ever so slightly painted red, not covering the scales, and his brow twitched while he moved faster.

"C-Close..." he grunted, moving his hands to her hips to angle her up and push in deep.

"A-Ah.. S-So much!" she gasped, moving her hips with him. She wanted to finish again and she felt the tell-tale clench of her folds, her stomach tightening. "C-Cumming!" she whimpered.

"F-Fuck... Ochako..." he moaned, his slaps quick and shallow as he burst over the edge, his cum shooting into her.

"Ugnh!" she whined, her back moving off of the hay only to slam back down, her orgasm trembling throughout her body.

Bakugou's hip movements slowed while he panted against her neck, kissing up to her lips. "I love you so damn much. My perfect goddamn mate..."

She gently stroked her hands his hair. "You're perfect," she whispered. "Did you... feel how much energy was flowing between us?" Silently she couldn't help but think they could be even more powerful depending on how hard they worked at honing their magical skills and how much they deepened their bond.

"Yeah..." he muttered and pulled himself back, snuggling down next to her. He didn't even bother with their clothes, only pulled his cloak from the ground to cover them both. "It was fuckin' great."

"It was," she sighed. "I like being connected to you."

"It's alright," he said, eliciting a laugh from her.

"Thanks," she scoffed, gently bopping him on the head. He didn't fight back though, his eyes slowly drifting shut while her own were starting to do the same.

"We have to take this ritual back to the dragons... maybe this could help," she mumbled, feeling hopeful for their future.

"Maybe..." he muttered. "But at least we can take our goddamn time figuring this shit out," he snorted. "Tomorrow we can finally go home."

"Mhm," she nodded. "Home..." she said softly, finally liking the idea of knowing her home was with Bakugou, wherever they chose to go together.

[engekihaikyuu]

Hyper Projection Engeki Haikyuu – The Tokyo Battle

ModelPress Interview Translation with Nagata Takato

Full interview translation and more photos under the Read More! Please do not repost my translations.

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The next tour will be a new production that illustrates the heated matches of the Tokyo qualifiers for the Spring High national volleyball tournament.  It will expand the story by featuring a rival school as the main characters, and for Hyper Projection Engeki Haikyuu, that will be a new venture.   Yes it will. When it was decided, I was really quite happy.  Because we were making the fans’ wishes into a reality.  There were so many people who said that they wanted us to feature Nekoma’s Tokyo Prefectural qualifier matches on-stage.  So we’re really grateful to all the fans.  

It seems like it’ll be quite a fresh new play. There may be people who know Haikyuu who’ll say, “Kenma as the leading role?”  One of the great things about Haikyuu is how it really shows the spirit of the sport, and all the passionate feelings that go into participating in that sport, and I’ve always found that really interesting.  But even though Kozume Kenma is influenced by Hinata, he’s not that exuberant, so to have a character like him be the lead in Engeki Haikyuu does make me a little nervous.

When you play Kenma, what are the most important things to you in playing his character? Because we have an original manga to work from, I try to keep in mind the image of his character.  Among the Haikyuu characters, he’s the most laid-back, and I think he’s the type to not move very much, but you really can’t be that way on-stage.  I have to make him move to some extent, and if I don’t perform that properly, it doesn’t feel complete.  But even so I have to make him seem laid-back.  I get pretty fussy about that.  After that, there are the tosses.  Since my position is that of a setter.  As much as I can, I try to give meaning to each and every toss.  

This is a stage production that has plenty of realism, but before the tour, what types of concerns and struggles are there?   For our team, we prioritize everyone matching our breathing and being in sync.  There have been lots of times when only our team stays behind after rehearsals to run through the performance over and over.  We practice team parts a lot, because we all think that if we don’t put in the time, then we won’t be any good.  In particular, Nekoma High has a persistent, “connecting” defense, that’s our team specialty, so we have a lot of movements where we crawl and roll around on the stage floor. We get a lot of bruises that way, and that sort of feels like we’re back in high school as part of a sports team.

Is it hard on your stamina?   At rehearsals we work hard on our physical strength and endurance.  We need at least enough so that we can perform two shows in one day.  

In your time playing Kozume Kenma, please tell us something that you’ve learned or a way in which you’ve grown.   Technically speaking, it would be vocals and articulation.  He’s a character that’s not very lively, you get the impression that you’re talking to a stick.  After that, I’ve definitely grown in my performance.  

Kenma and the main character, Hinata, both influence each other, and they’re illustrated as pushing each other to get better and excel. Is there someone like that in your life, Nagata-san? There is.  He used to play Kageyama Tobio, it’s Kimura Tatsunari-kun.  He has things I don’t, he’s like this all-mighty guy that can do anything, so I always feel like I don’t want to lose to him. In that respect, he’s a rival, but whenever we have days off, he’s the first guy I contact.  We talk about useless stuff 80% of the time though. But we can talk seriously if we need to. At first, I got the feeling that he might be hard to deal with, but as I’ve gotten to understand him better we’ve become really good friends.  We had a lot of scenes where we were matched against each other, and he always has a really great look in his eyes.  We were both setters, and he helped me out with that a lot, so he made me feel like I can’t just lose to him.  He’s not really the type to give you advice or anything, but he’s the type to show you how it’s done and lead the way.  

That’s a wonderful relationship.  Do you have any particular memories of Suga Kenta-san, who’s played Hinata until now?   Whenever Hinata and Kenma have an exchange in that week’s JUMP, my LINE blows up (laughs).  He’s like, “Oh my god!  Oh my god!” (laughs)  To be honest, I really wanted to have the Battle of the Trash Heap at nationals between Karasuno and Nekoma together with him, but Suga-kun finally graduated last year with the fall production.  Suga-kun is of course going to be someone that’s always in our minds for everyone on our team and other teams, and for the production as a whole; he was such a skilled and clever person.  Because of that, to be the main character after someone like Suga-kun makes me think, can I do this?  I do have my worries about it.  

Taking over after Suga-san means you have to work hard, doesn’t it! It does.  Although I still want him to come to rehearsals everyday.  (laughs)

What are some things you’ve learned while working on Hyper Projection Engeki Haikyuu? Responsibility; It’s changed how I think about my work as an actor or how I can capture something.  It’s not good enough to just act, at Engeki Haikyuu they really take into consideration what the actors think about the staging and any suggestions the actors have.  That’s always fun, and it makes me think more about how I can present something.  After that, teamwork.  Everyone works together to build up this one production, so we have a very strong sense of unity.

Outside of Engeki Haikyuu, your other stage work includes the Tokyo One Piece Tower’s “One Piece Live Attraction” where you played Monkey D. Luffy, “Rock Musical Bleach ~Another World~” where you played Hitsugaya Toushirou... so Nagata-san, you’ve been able to play some pretty popular characters. But there’s quite the difference between your characters.   Well some of that is thanks to the make-up artists and the costume designers... (laughs)  There’s a part of me that acts as though I’m possessed by the character.  A little bit like middle-school syndrome* (laughs).  Maybe because I think it’s important to have that character’s aura.

*中2病 or chuunibyou, refers to a kind of behavior that’s most common in middle school students, where generally he/she acts like a mature know-it-all and/or thinks they have special powers, etc...  Although Takato falls back on chuunibyou as an explanation, a western actor might instead call it “method acting.”  

In the work you’ve done so far, what’s something that became a turning point in your career or something where your awareness of things might have changed? Last year in summer, I was in a play called “Takarazuka Boys,” and I feel like I was able to really tap into the depths of acting again with that show.  I thought it was fun, but even some of the fun parts were quite difficult.  I discovered some new things while working on it.  

Speaking of expanding your breadth of experience, you’re currently in a TBS serial drama, “A story I read on the day I first fell in love.”  I think you’re in the middle of accumulating a lot of varied experiences, but do you have an actor you aspire to be like, or a goal for yourself? An actor I admire is Tsutsumi Shin’ichi.  I love the drama “Yamato Nadeshiko!” I would love to appear in a romance movie, or a suspense/thriller.  I want to play the type of character that makes people go, “So he actually wasn’t the culprit!”  (laughs)  And then because of playing Kenma I feel like I’ve developed a specialty for playing simple, modest people.  I want to play a lot of characters like him too.  

I’m looking forward to seeing all those variations of you, Nagata-san.  And now, in preparation for Engeki Haikyuu “The Tokyo Battle,” please share with us your thoughts. I think that this upcoming tour is going to have some things that the other shows haven’t done yet, and it’s going to become a new challenge for us.  Of course I’m really looking forward to it, but we’re replacing the main characters from Karasuno and making Nekoma the main, and we don’t know how it’ll turn out, and honestly there are aspects of it that make us nervous.  I wonder if I’m fit for the lead, and whether or not I’ll be able to pull everyone together, but this will be a show that’ll cross over into a new era* even, and for myself personally, it will be my 5th Engeki Haikyuu.  I have a lot of experience already, and I need to make sure I show that off.  I very much want people to come to the theater to see this Engeki Haikyuu featuring Kenma and Nekoma as the leading characters, and see how we take shape on-stage.  

*In 2019, the Heisei era will come to an end on April 30th, with the abdication of the current emperor Akihito, and a new era will be named as his son Naruhito ascends to the chrysanthemum throne.

And lastly, Nagata-san please tell us your secrets to making your dreams come true. I think a lot about the things I want to do.  “One day I want to be like this,” is something I think a lot.  I’ve made my dream come true of appearing in a TV drama, and after accomplishing that, I start to come up with all kinds of bigger goals, and I want to make each of them come true one by one.  Being the lead in Engeki Haikyuu is one more dream that’s come true.  This really is a show that exists because of the fans, so I want to do my best on it without forgetting my gratitude to them.

Thank you very much.

===========

Translated by @nimbus-cloud Please do not repost my translations

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The original interview can be read online here: (x)

[goldenscript]

18. ruin it all

↳ prompt: the night we shared in bed → friends to lovers au + yoongi

pairing: min yoongi | reader genre: slice of life au / romance word count: 1,755 author’s note: the title comes from the song “fools” by lauren aquilina. (listen here!) it’s a great song (and all her other work too), so give it a listen as you read, if you wanna. and check out her stuff too, if you wanna!

“Are we going to talk about it?”

His voice pierces the still air. It’s the first thing that he has said since earlier this evening, and you’re not sure how to navigate your way out of this one.

You suppose it has been a long time coming. The whole cliché of falling in love with your best friend has never been more true when looking at the two of you. Growing up together through all the awkward bumps and uneven growth, the sudden attractiveness that strikes well into high school, and the attraction that makes itself well-known rolling into college.

At the ripe age of fifteen, you might’ve blanched at the idea of being in love with Min Yoongi. It was something that crossed your mind once when he recited some of his lyrics to you. Only one though. You pushed away the idea and pretended it didn’t exist like an ex-friend talking shit. It wasn’t supposed to matter… but at the same time, it did. And when twenty-one rolled around, you wondered why you hadn’t seen him the way you did sooner. Or if maybe prepubescent you was onto something when you considered a possibility with him.

But now, being older and somewhat wiser, figuring out most of your own vices and maintaining some of the virtues that dictate being a decent human being in this awfully shitty world, you can’t help but realize just how write both those past selves were, that your best friend has become more than just a passing figure in this world of temporary, that imagining something different that what this current moment holds frightens the fuck out of you. So much so that you wish you could clamp your lips shut tighter and forget what you had said in your fit of stupidity.

It really is one thing to have someone out you just to being a nosey shit like you know Jin has been aching to. But to out yourself without even an ounce of alcohol in your system and in a defenseless state with Hoseok seems so unbearable to think that Yoongi might’ve heard everything in that practice confession makes you want to burrow deeper underneath the covers and never see the light of day. You hate that part the most.

Everything has been so good up until now. To think that anyone could doubt the strength of yours and his relationship just because roommates are a different tier was, again, laughable. Nothing could change the close-knit relationship you and Yoongi share. Ever the cuddle bugs, the two of you could just as easily snuggle up together on the couch or in the other’s bed on lazy morning. Most of the cleaning switched off between you two, though he always liked kitchen duty. Cooking was his favorite and you could compromise easily with dishwashing and prepping all the ingredients. If ever the two of you found yourselves swamped with work, you would remind one another that living took maintenance, too.

It was perfect. So damn perfect that, of course, life had to go and fuck it all up. (Read: you had to go and fuck it all up.)  Of course, you had to just fall in love with you best friend slash roommate. Of course, he had to be the invasive type that won’t let shit go. Of course, that’s because he likes to resolve conflict before it gets out of hand, even if sometimes there isn’t any conflict to begin with. Of course, of course, of fucking course.

You let out a groan, only somewhat muffled by the thin summer bedsheet meant to keep you and him separated.

“Do we have to?”

At the very least it can be your safety blanket through all of this. You just don’t know when the rejection will come. But you’ll be prepared for it. Hopefully…

Yoongi grunts, “Move over.”

Even though he can’t see you, he doesn’t miss the hiss of confusion that leaves your lips without a second though. And in response, he simply repeats himself. He even adds in a soft please that makes your defenses weaken by a smidgen. You move over.

It isn’t long after he finds the corner of the blanket that you weren’t able to tuck away underneath your body and slithers his way inside. He stops once your shoulders touch and he feels the way you stiffen beside him. You think that this is the best way to stifle the erratic beating in your chest, but you’re probably wrong. Maybe he can hear it after all. Maybe he’s thinking of how to let you down gently just to salvage the pieces of this friendship.

In your head, it’ll be over. All that comfort, domesticity, and god, the warmth. You won’t have your best friend anymore. That’s the worst one. Not having him even as a person as your life. Maybe it’s dangerous how much you’ve found solace in him; that by burrowing him so deeply in your heart, there may only be a him-shaped hole if he decides against this all. But you’ve always been one for dramatics. Your mind likes to play up simple scenarios.

Yeah, it’ll hurt. Like a bitch for sure. But change is what you fear most.

“Hey.” The sound is clearer now that the sheet is gone and residing on both your chests. Yoongi looks over at you before letting loose a sigh when you do. “Should I repeat my earlier question or are you done trying to think of a way out of this conversation?”

“I mean, we should talk about it. Do I want to? Not really. Will I? Yeah.”

“Why don’t you want to?” He sounds confused and your eyebrows furrow. If you could just look at him, then you might understand why but you’re too nervous to chance it.

“Why do you sound so confused?”

“Why not? My best friend just confessed her love for me to my other best friend and she hasn’t even heard my answer.”

“Well, I suppose… it depends on your response. Then, maybe she might be interested in talking about it.”

“Would she—I mean would you look at me? Confessing feels weird if you’re doing it to the side of someone’s head.”

“Wait, what?” You turn to face him and meet his eyes as if searching for some kind of indicator that he is simply pulling your leg to get you to look at him. But Yoongi isn’t like that. He looks at you with sincerity and softness. There’s even a small quirk at the corner of his lip when you turn completely on your side.

“You heard me.” He tries to be stern, but he follows your move so he can face you properly and uses one arm to rest underneath his head. “But I want to do this right.”

“I went first, so by all means, go for it.”

He smiles fully and takes in every inch of your visage in one, laborious sweep. For a moment, he rests a little too long on your lips, but you opt to ignore that in favor of hearing his familiar and since timbre. “I think it takes an idiot to not see how madly I’m in love with you.” You have to stifle a snort and the urge to call him a copycat for stealing your opening line. “There’s no one else I would rather cohabit with than you. Even when you make me do all the cooking and the cleaning and steal my warmth, hey, why are you laughing? Be serious here! I’m trying to profess my love for you.”

“I think you deserve a C minus for that bare minimum effort, Min. At least my confession had spunk. Now you’re stretching truths and plagiarizing. What would all your SoundCloud fans say to this, huh?”

He snorts and then shakes his head at you.

“It got you laughing didn’t it? And, I mean it’s true to the extent that I do love you as someone that I would be greatly honored to spend the rest of my life with. You do the dishes like no other and you even cheer me on when I do performances in the shower.”

“I mean, your Celine Dion needs work but ‘My Heart Will Go On’ loving you regardless of your Titanic hating ass.”

“I’m not sure what I’m in most disbelief over… the fact that you consider Titanic a masterpiece with a shit ending like that, or that pun you just made.” He lets out a resigned sigh while his fingertips tuck some stray locks behind your ear. “But I don’t mind it so much coming from you.”

You place your hand atop of his, allowing the warmth of his palm to rest on your cheek. Your other hand presses onto his chest, and you instantly break out into a broad smile. Your heart can’t seem to stop fluttering, but you don’t mind it so much.

Not when you know that his heart beats just as loudly yours. 

/

(“Okay, from the top.” Hoseok instructs you through the phone screen. “And this time, keep the pausing to a minimum. We want fearless and self-assured.”

“Have you ever fearlessly professed your love to somebody, Hobi?”

He looks away from the screen if only to formulate a comeback that earns laughter from you. “Not if I can’t nail down a simple ‘I love you,’ I haven’t! Now this is about you, not me.”

“Alright, alright. I’ll leave your loveless love life out of this.” He shoots a glare your way and you can’t see him purposefully edge his finger over the front camera just to hover it over the “end call” button. “I’m kidding! Look, I mean it when I say that this is harder than it looks. I can’t just say, ‘Hey Yoongi! I’m in love with you.’”

“Well, what would you say then?”

“I dunno. Maybe something like… I think it takes an idiot to not see how madly I’m in love with you. And, I mean there isn’t anyone else I spend as much time with than you, Yoongi. If I could somehow describe the way you make me feel, then maybe it’s like when we spend nights in during rainy days when we don’t have anything else to do. It’s just comfortable. It’s the kind of comfort that I’ve never had as strongly as I do with you. I love it. I love yo—’”

“Y/N?” Hoseok says, looking nervous.

“What?”

“Yoongi’s behind you.”

“Fuck. I gotta go.”)

[ncbodyknows]

                              MGA Season 4 ;; Episode 4

Contestant #4026 Choi Youngjae Performing My Flower by JBJ { Line distribution } Team D - The Flower Rangers { @longguork​ @rkjeon​ @rksxna​ @haknyeonrk​ } Outfit

It had reached a point by now where Youngjae had stopped caring about trying to complain and simply just started to accept his fate as it was, no matter how troublesome. He was getting publicity and recognition albeit not in the way he had imagined, and he was darned sure that if anyone was going to come for his head they would have done so by now. The likelihood of anyone from back home watching some random Korean auditioning programme anyway was very slim, but his paranoia was still lurking in the back of his mind, causing many scenarios of ‘what if’. Not only that, if Mnet knew of his actual past, they would be more than likely to toss him straight out. Even if he was clean nowadays and had no spots on his attest it was a tough background to run away from and greatly frowned upon.

Who wanted to live an entire life in the shadows watching every step you took though? When he had first come here the artist thought it was such a life he desired, but as he was progressively getting better through the therapy and medication he also came to realise that such an existence would be terribly dull. No one was created to be alone, not even Youngjae. Even he wanted to live within people’s memories.

Even more importantly, he could actually look at this with a feeling of fondness. It sucked, it was tiresome and bothersome and whatnot, but at the end of it, it was also kind of fun. An emotion he hadn’t felt for a long time. When it came to the long hours in the practice room with Jeongguk and Haknyeon trying their best to bring a change to the hopelessness that was Choi Youngjae’s dancing skills, of chatting to Yongguk and discussing the vocals, and of realising that Sana was from Japan as well and spending the time talking to her in his mother tongue, none of them truly felt bothersome. He might insist otherwise but he did have trouble being true to himself on more occasions than just this.

The early morning after Friday’s filming started in the practice room where two familiar faces and two he had only seen as fellow contestants met him. Despite already being familiar with half of the people present, introductions were still in order, a ritual that felt kind of silly with the circumstances. They might be working together as a group and thus should be creating a sense of unity, but in the end, each and every one of these people was a rival. It was just foolish to knit tight bonds here of all places.

Much like last time, the topic immediately fell on the matter at hand: picking a song and leader. Yet again Youngjae made it clear that he didn’t have the skills to carry the team in such a way, although he refrained from stating the true reason that it was too much of a pain in the ass to deal with on top of everything else. Again it was a matter of two people for leader, and although he felt a bit for Sana due to her heritage, perhaps he was simply too biased towards Jeongguk from the past round. It was with little hesitation that he voted him leader. Unlike last time picking the song went fairly easy much to his relief as Youngjae wasn’t sure he would be able to stay neutral to yet another hour upon hour of trying to find ‘the perfect song’. To him it was pointless anyway. It wasn’t about finding a song that fit, it was about making the song fit.

Training hours were long and tough, for Youngjae knew that he had to train harder than anyone else on his team if he wanted to make it. Until now he hadn’t thought he wanted such a thing, but now it was different. If there was one thing he could be happy about it was that he exercised regularly to keep up with his martial arts and hence had a decent stamina everything considered, for if he didn’t he might have died already. Still on multiple occasions he had felt his legs shake so much under him that he could barely stand. It was awful. He couldn’t deny the fact that he had wanted to punch either Haknyeon or Jeongguk in the face multiple times for being stressed to continue when he simply wanted to lie down in a pit and let his soul leave his body. Dancing was so much different from karate. 

Thinking about giving up was very tempting, but a certain encounter last week stopped any such thoughts immediately. Hadn’t he been the one who called Daniel out for whining about everything being too hard and him not having the skills to do it? He would just be a fucking hypocrite if he didn’t try his own darnest after giving that speech. Or he could also just kill Daniel in the dead of the night and hide his body where no one would ever find him. Then no evidence would be left behind of his hypocrisy. That was also a tempting thought. He was, of course, kidding. At least mostly.

And even then Dancing was only part of it. He couldn’t slack on his vocal training either. Whenever he wasn’t practicing dancing it wasn’t strange to hear Youngjae do various exercises for his vocal chords to keep them warm and active as well as preparing himself for the adlibs and lines he had to do this time. Some of the pitches were pretty high, and he had to make sure that he could pull them off while dancing. Even sometimes while dancing his voice was still audible, often in between sharp breaths. If their practise time was a song of its own, Youngjae’s vocal training might very well have been the adlibs. 

Friday had arrived and with it the nerves. That was another first. Actually feeling nervous about the result after today’s show. He was worried he was going to screw up badly with the choreography being way more intense than last week. Take a misstep, sing a false note, or who knew, knowing his skills he might even take a tumble right there on stage and destroy the entire performance. This wasn’t his world and he should never have tried to venture into it, not even for a free meal.

Getting his hair and makeup done, Youngjae could only think that whoever knew him outside of the competition was going to have the time of their life after this. His outfit was sickeningly cutesy he thought and although he had been the one to spill the idea of the whole thing, he was starting to regret the result. The song carried a refreshing image, so linking it to clothes like this wasn’t too far fetched. It was just so far from anything he would ever willingly put on. Who had brought up the idea of the different colours he couldn’t remember by now, but it had been a passing remark that had made Youngjae make an off comments. “That sounds like power rangers. With the different colours and stuff.”

And thus their group name had also come to be. When it was finally the time for team D to claim their spot upon the stage, he joined the others in a unified introduction. “We are the Flower Rangers!” he spoke with feigned enthusiasm, although he wondered if anyone would even notice if he didn’t speak as eagerly as everyone else. He had after all barely got any screen time thus far, and he was surprised if anyone watching the show even cared about him. After an individual introduction everyone got into position and the lights dimmed.

The moment the music started playing Sana sang, her voice in stark contrast to the original deep vocal of the song. For this segment as well as for most of the song Youngjae was placed in the back, hidden away so his mistakes wouldn’t be as obvious. Which was just why he couldn’t afford to mess up on the parts that were actually his. For the entire first verse he had nothing to do vocals wise, but the moment the chorus hit, Youngjae stepped up to cover Sana who had just been singing right before him.

You’re my flower You’re my spring Because you keep blooming I can’t handle it, what do I do?

What had caused him the greatest worry was the jump after the first line of the chorus. In training it had taken ages before he had managed to make it look even decent, only thanks to Haknyeon’s coaching him. In the end he could do it mostly every time, but pulling it off on stage had worried him a lot. So it pleased him when he managed to perform it just as practised. The next half of the chorus was a bit of a high pitch, but that didn’t worry Youngjae. High notes were one of the things his singing teacher had practised with him and he had been training his vocal range. And just as he expected there were also no problems pulling it off.

Now I’m here I’ll embrace you  Ever since we first met, you’re--

Taking over, Jeongguk stepped into the centre and pushed Youngjae further back before continuing the song with the killing part. For now his moment of spotlight was over, and he went back to hide behind everyone else. They were slightly tied down by only having one rapper in the group considering the song had three relatively filling rap parts, and as Haknyeon stepped up for the second time, and he would once more after the second chorus, this time carried by Sana, Youngjae just hoped that no one would think that the younger got too many parts compared to the rest and thereby outshone everyone else. There was only so much they could do with what they had. And Youngjae still had something he could do, for as the second chorus finished and went straight into the next rap part, it was surprisingly enough his turn.

I want you, I can’t express this all with words My lips won’t move how I want

Instead of rapping, however, Youngjae opted to sing the lines. After learning that Moonbok who had already been eliminated from the competition was a music theory major, he had chosen to seek out the person with the most fabulous hair in the entire MGAs. It had been easy to lure him in -- “I’ll let you play with my dog if you help me” -- and thus the two had met up in Youngjae’s apartment to come up with a good vocal part instead. Youngjae had a creative mind, but he lacked the actual theory behind rearranging a rap into song, but he was greatly satisfied with the result. Then as the chorus hit for the last time, the dance calmed down to allow for the artist to pour his heart into the adlibs to create flavour to Yongguk’s singing in this part. He liked to believe that their voices fit well together, not only as the two best vocalists on the team but also with their vocal colours. Or perhaps he was just biased towards Yongguk after the interest he had taken in the other male.

Another two words sung in addition to the other vocalist’s performance as well as a dance break led by Jeongguk later, the performance was over, and as Youngjae prepared for the very last step of the dance, he took off the flower that had been fastened to his chest pocket. To match his outfit and the power rangers theme they had going, his flower was one with black petals. Together with everyone else, he then held it out to the audience, as if telling everyone that the song applied to them. A corny and cheesy as fuck move, but hey, if it worked it worked. And with that finishing touch the performance was over.