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orchidyoonkook · 2 years

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To What We Were Before, And All The Things After | JJK | Ch. 3

Title: Greenhouse Muses and Surprise Guests

Pairing: Prince!College Student!JK x Fine Arts Major!(F)!Reader

Series Rating//Genre: (M) | College AU, Mild Royalty AU, Smut, Angst, Fluff, S2F2L, Indiffernce to lovers, sloooowwww ass burn

Summary: You need to think out this whole situation, and where better than your favourite place on campus? The one place where no one ever goes and where you can truly do your best problem solvi—wait who the hell is sitting in your supposed place of undisturbed tranquility?

Warnings: PG18, heavy swearing, photography jargon (hopefully nothing tooooo confusing, I intentionally over explained a bit for those unfamiliar but a quick google search should clear up anything), euc=short form for eucalyptus “Youke”, art jargon but less, 1 (one) mention of metaphorical murder, and a bit of angst and fluff. I think that’s all?? Hella internal dialogue

Word Count: 10,804

Release Date: March 2, 2023, 4:00PM

A/N 1: she somehow went from 8k to 10.8k???? Hope you enjoy!!

A/N 1.5: I’m literally so tired of looking at this, I’ve read it at least 10 times in three days.

Series: Chapter One | Chapter Two

Jungkook’s sitting at a table outside what he considers to be his new safe haven, making a mental note to thank Yuri for showing him the greenhouse cafe—is that its name? He should’ve asked.

He can see himself coming here all the time for quiet morning work sessions. The coffee is great, the snacks are delicious, and there aren’t a lot of people around either—zero—to be precise. So he really considers this a win in his book.

The cafe is just southwest of a medium sized greenhouse, not even a minute's walking distance between the two. He could clearly see all the flowers and plants within from his seat outside. And behind the greenhouse was nothing but a small grass field followed by thick, dense forest.

It doesn’t even feel like he’s on campus. Just free about the world, grabbing a coffee and sitting down to work on a project like anyone else would. Like anyone else could. Another face in the crowd instead of the one on magazines in every corner store, book shop and grocer.

He can dream about it. Take in these small moments, but it will never be his reality. Not really. Even in this little corner of blissful nowhere the barista who served him his coffee knew who he was, addressed him properly, albeit a bit stuttered.

And he can’t blame her. It’s what she’s supposed to do. How she’s ‘supposed’ to react to him.

He’s someone big and important. Someone people look to and see their future in his hands. Someone who merits reactions when in the presence of others.

Someone who...

Someone...

So he dreams. And is thankful for what little normalcy he can get.

Taking a deep breath in, he holds it and he shakes his head, dismissing the thoughts before releasing a steady, controlled exhale.

Reset.

The cafe has an awning over its small patio, four tables on either side of the doorway, two that seat four and two that seat two on their respective sides, eight in total. He’s chosen to sit at the table of two furthest from the greenhouse, closest to the cafe. It has more shade, allowing him to see the screen of his laptop better.

Jungkook needed some time alone without anyone finding him, he gave that stupid speech on Monday for many reasons, but one of the most important ones was that he wants to be able to exist in a public space and to do his school work without a crowd gathering.

He’s taking this university thing seriously, and that means doing good work, excelling in his chosen subjects. It requires no distractions and lots of effort.

He doesn’t want to have to be cramped up in his dorm the whole time, too scared to leave for fear of never being left alone. He left that behind when he stepped foot onto the campus.

No more worrying about cameras or security or kingdoms. No more watching and tracking his every step.

This is his time to be a young man, not the prince. Just Jungkook.

And so far? He’s doing okay.

But just in case, he’s also wearing a hat, hoodie and mask for extra protection while editing some pictures.

Old habits die hard.

His Design and Visual Culture professor had given out an intro assignment to the class so he could get a read on everyone’s skill levels and to see where his starting point would be. Professor Hirmer asked everyone in the class to each submit three images: one portrait; black and white or colour, one still life of the photographers choosing, and one image of whatever your preferred style was. Then edit them to the best of their abilities, and submit by noon the following Monday.

Jungkook’s already finished his portrait. He hasn’t really made any friends here yet, so he just took one of himself, which made it easier in the long run because he was so used to his picture being taken.

Slicked back hair, a black tight fit shirt, silver chain and white background made up the shot aside from him. He’d decided on butterfly lighting because he’s always found it to be the most flattering aside from Rembrandt. Don’t get him wrong, Rembrandt’s a nice technique, Jungkook just didn’t want his portrait to be too dramatic.

He got the one he wanted to use in no time, and it required very little editing. Black and white is forgiving like that.

Currently, he’s working on his still life.

A latte with a basic heart design in a dark navy mug sat on the keys of a mahogany wood grand piano. The mug sat on the right side of thirds, and a couple stems of eucalyptus half cover the keys to the left, the tips of it just barely covering the bottom of the mug. He kept his depth of field wide so that most of what was in the frame was in focus, but the primary focus of the entire image is intended to be the drink and tips of the eucalyptus.

Jungkook managed to get one of the six guards his father insisted on him having here to go to a local market to grab the euc stems. Their remains were currently hanging in his shower, smelling wonderful and fresh.

The latte he did himself, a small talent after needing coffee constantly in his teen years to keep up with everything.

And as for the piano? He booked a music room for an hour with one in it. Work smarter not harder.

He’d kept his lighting dark, but gentle, really highlighting the whites of the piano keys while keeping the rich hues of the mahogany and navy present. The eucalyptus is comfortably set in the middle, having some brighter and darker tones to balance it out.

He’s quite proud of it, having created a visually pleasing image that had equal amounts of high, medium and low tones. But he wants the edges of the picture to blur slightly, so he’s adding a very subtly feathered vignette to the image.

He knows most of his peers will likely be doing a traditional still life of fruit or flowers, so he took a risk and made the prompt his own. He just hopes it pays off.

While editing, Jungkook’s simultaneously trying to brainstorm what he wants to do for his third picture. His style of choice is candids, takes them constantly, yet he doesn’t have a single one he wants to use for the assignment.

He likes them best because candids are those perfectly imperfect moments that show who a person truly is, when they’re at their happiest and saddest moments and everything in between. Candids are for when someone’s so caught up in what they’re doing that they look entirely serene in their task, and you want to capture that, forever. A small sliver of them, existing purely as they are.

Nothing fake, nothing practiced, no do overs. Just capturing genuine moments as they happen. A true reflection of humanity without filters or editing.

Jungkook’s thinking of maybe going undercover in the courtyard to snap some pictures of random people to see if that could work when a movement in the corner of his eye catches his attention.

Someone, with their back facing him, is very unceremoniously dumping their tote bag at the table most opposite him; the table for two that’s half covered in sunlight, half shaded.

Clad in loose fitting paint and charcoal covered overalls, a white shirt and bandana, they’re taking out what appear to be art supplies.

Brushes, small metal tins filled with paint, a very chaotically colourful water holder, and painting pad all gather onto the little table. He’s surprised at how they make it all fit.

It seems like he’s not the only one who’s seen this place for its potential.

But when they turn around, it’s…You?

It’s you.

Of all people.

What are the odds?

He wants to say hi, but hesitates, still aware of your conversation from earlier and hopes there’s no harm in a friendly hello between people who are acquainted, regardless of pending decisions.

But Jungkook watches your eyes pass right over him, unaware or uncaring he’s there. His half-raised hand falls along with the smile that’s found its way onto his covered face as you continue into the cafe.

A byproduct of his upbringing is being able to read even the subtlest of body language and facial shifts in people. And in your case, it’s like you’re screaming at him without actually speaking.

He knows from your closed off posture alone that you don’t want to be disturbed. But your expression…it's like a mixture of anger, worry and thoughtfulness.

Jungkook knows better than to interrupt someone when they look like that, and he decides against saying anything, returning to his assignment.

A minute later the bell on the door chimes, signaling your exit.

Looking up, he notes the cup of warm whatever it is in one hand, a very full looking pastry bag in the other, and a water bottle tucked into your side via your elbow.

He wonders what’s inside the cup. Coffee? Would you drink caffeinated or decaf? Or maybe you’re more of a tea person. But would it be black or green tea? Do you use milk? What about sweetener? He can’t decide but that doesn’t stop the thoughts from racing across his mind.

Why does he care so much?

You settle down into your seat, the shaded one of the pair, and—somehow—place your newly acquired goods on the already jam packed table. Truly a talent within itself.

But a sip from your cup, and a bite of something that resembles a tart later, you wipe your hands on your overalls and pick up a brush, wetting it from the colourful container. Bringing the empty, water only filled brush to the paint pad in front of you, you start.

Your back blocks most of it so he can’t see much, but your eye line is honed in on the greenhouse. And if he had to guess just by looking, you’re focused on the orchid that sits front and center.

He couldn’t name it specifically, but he can see why you’d want to commit it to paper. It’s pretty—yellow and red, very exotic looking, and he doesn't mean to—doesn’t even realize he is—when he finds himself watching you work instead of doing his own, mesmerized.

Your hand moves gracefully from paint to paper to water and back again. Occasionally, switching out brushes or wiping the one you had on your pants, drying it or maybe getting the last bits of colour off. He’s fascinated with how you know exactly what to use and where to put what in order for the image to spring to life. Most likely years of practice and muscle memory guiding you.

Sort of how he does photography. Years of experience and knowing which poses and angles to use to really make an image pop. For a moment he wonders if anyones looked at his art the way he’s looking at yours.

When you take a small break, stretching out your back and limbs, Jungkook snaps out of his daze and looks at the clock on the bottom right hand side of his screen.

He’s been watching you for nearly 30 minutes.

That’s creepy as hell Jeon, he thinks to himself, lucky you didn’t notice, and returns his sights to his laptop.

Fuck. What was he doing again?

Staring at the still life in front of him, it takes a minute before he recalls.

Oh right.

Professor Hirmer’s assignment. The third image. A picture of his preferred style—his preferred style of candids. What could he do for his candid shot?

He thinks. A candid shot. Candids. Caaaannnndidddssssss. Caaaaaa—

A lightbulb goes off and he feels like both an idiot and a genius.

Retrieving his camera from his bag, Jungkook glances your way and sees you painting again.

Perfect.

Quietly, he gets up from his seat, moving just enough to be able to see a sliver of your painting and a small portion of your face. You're so focused that you don't even notice him, like nothing outside the page matters. And only for a second does he wonder what you’re thinking about.

Your body is easy to read, it’s your mind that remains a mystery.

The sun’s moved ever so slightly so that your page is now fully doused in sunlight, while you remain under the gentle caress of shadow from the awning.

Smart girl.

But your face is bathed in the subtle glow of your papers reflecting illumination. And it's like you’re the one creating light with every brush stroke.

You look transcendent.

With that sight in his viewfinder, Jungkook takes a few shots in portrait framing, his thumb covering the speaker that lets out the ‘click’ noise of a picture being taken, before adjusting his shutter speed.

These pictures all have you in focus, with the background consisting of half somewhat blurry cafe wall, half very blurry forest green. And they’re okay, they work. But he wants to have your movements and surrounding materials in the image as well, to really show the process of an artist at work. So he switches to a landscape framing and settles on a slower shutter speed to create a longer exposure.

Waiting for you to clean your brush in the water cup before snapping the capture button, Jungkook holds steady as it’s a couple seconds before the image takes. It makes him wish he had his tripod with him because it would make this so much easier, but he can make due if he has too.

And he has too. Because he doesn’t want this opportunity to pass.

After a few more shots and near leg cramp later, he brings the results of his efforts up on the viewfinder for review. Jungkook’s thrilled to see that the movement in the piece was taken exactly how he wanted. Your arm steady on the canvas, but all your movements prior shown like angelically lit rays due to the angle of the sun, creating an ocean of movement around a steadily focused you.

They’re hauntingly beautiful.

He takes a couple more like that for good measure, getting in different movements and shutter speeds before slowly making his way back to his laptop and table.

Popping his SD card into his computer for closer inspection, Jungkook sees there’s definitely more than one useful candidate and gets to work on narrowing down his favourite.

He is going to pass this assignment with flying colours. And it’s all thanks to you.

As you arrive at the cafe you notice a guy in a black hoodie, hat and mask with his head stuck in a laptop at the furthest table on the patio. Internally, you sigh that there’s someone else here; it’s almost always vacant and that’s why you love it. No people, no distractions, just you and your work, and your thoughts.

You try not to worry too much about it, doing your best to just ignore him and have hope that he leaves soon. At least he’s as far away from your spot as he can get.

Dropping your tote on the chair in the sun, you start placing all your things on the table. It’s an exact science you’ve perfected over many, many paint sessions and far too much spilled liquid. Countless art projects have fallen victim on this table, some you were able to salvage, but most were added to its body count.

Setting down your paint tins, you still can’t get the conversation with Yuri out of your head. Not leaving the building, not crossing the campus, not all the time it took you to get way over here either, no matter how hard you tried.

You huff.

Was your reaction really that unjustified? Could she not see how insane she was acting? Why did she jump to you being jealous? Why would she even think you’d be jealous?

You have Nel.

A prince isn’t going to change that.

And speaking of, you didn’t even get to tell her about your conversation with Jungkook.

After this fight though…you don’t think you will.

He seems to be becoming a sore spot between the two of you, ridiculous as that is, so you think it best to just not bring it up and deal with it on your own. That’s how you usually do things anyway, and you were only going to ask Yuri as a thinking out loud type of thing, hoping she had some input. But it’s clear now that none of it would have been useful anyway.

Finishing placing your things down—all fitting perfectly, by the way—you dig into your tote for your wallet and head into the cafe, still doing your best to ignore the other patron. Hopefully you can give off enough of a vibe that he takes the hint and leaves.

The bells hanging on the door sound as it opens and shuts.

“Hey YN,” Vivian, the barista, calls at your entrance.

You two know each other well, enough to be on a first name basis. You, being one of—if not the only—regular, and the cafe—being a little out of the way of anything else—not having many students make it a part of their routine.

A comfortable, welcomed sort of exile. One you gladly share with her.

“It’s good to see you,” she says, looking at the window closest to where you sit, “Are we painting again? I saw they switched up the flowers in the greenhouse on Monday. The ones they have out now are so beautiful.”

“It’s great to see you too, Viv” you respond, eyeballing the pastry display. You notice they have your favourite egg tarts in today.

At least one thing is going right for you.

“And yeah, they are,” you say warmly, regarding her comment. “I’m thinking I’m about to get real sick and tired of looking at that orchid they placed front and center.”

Viv laughs, patiently waiting on your order, though she’s got a good idea of what it’ll be.

“Could I get a hot chocolate with whip please?” You ask, and drum your fingers on your legs deciding how many tarts to get—two or three? Two or three?—before remembering, “Oh! and if you still have the not so super secret stash of mini marshmallows that you don’t have here,” throwing up air quotes and a smirk for good measure, “Could you toss a few of those in too? I’ll tip you extraaaaa.”

Viv only gives you a look that says yes they do but that she’ll never admit it out loud, and you’re grateful to her.

You’d spotted them one day by chance in first year and asked if you could have some with your drink. Viv merely stated that they don’t have marshmallows at the cafe while slipping a few in under your lid with a wink. You’ve been eternally appreciative for that kindness ever since, and tip her handsomely for it, but you’ve never known why it was such a secret.

Maybe one day you’ll ask.

Coffee isn’t really your thing, only turning to it during exams season, and you weren’t in the mood for tea, so hot chocolate’s always your favourite alternative.

But hot chocolate with whip cream and marshmallows?

Instant mood booster. And you definitely need that after the afternoon you’ve had.

“Anything else?” Viv asks, adding the large amount of whip cream she knows you like to the top of your drink.

“Yeah actually,” you smile, “could I get a water bottle and three of the egg tarts? They’re my favourite.”

Three seemed to be the most unreasonable option, therefore it’s the one you had to go with. And soon, a much too small, very full paper pastry bag finds its way onto the counter, accompanying your drinks.

“I’ll let bossman know about your dragon-like hoarding tendencies with the tarts and see if we can get them in more regularly,” Viv says, unsuccessfully keeping in a giggle at the end of her subtle jab and it makes you laugh too. “I mean, I don’t see why not seeing as you pretty much single handedly keep this place afloat anyway.”

You adore Viv. She’s real and kind, and very much someone you consider to be a bosom friend of sorts. You can tell her if you’ve had a bad day or a good one, and she’ll do the same, no shroud of inane pleasantries. You two having escaped the somewhat awkward ‘you work here and I go here so lets be nice to one another’ worker-customer relationship to a genuine friendship, and it makes the whole experience that much better.

But it also allows for pulling on one another’s legs, like you do now.

“You’re so mean to me… and lucky I like you for it,” you say, opening your wallet, happy to pay whatever number you’re given plus 30%. The marshmallows and Viv are worth it. “How much will it be?”

She lets you know the total and you hand her a couple of mandatory bills plus a few extra, telling her to keep the change. You’ll lose any coins you have anyway, might as well give them to someone who’ll use them.

Viv says thanks and you make your way back to your spot, hands full and mind feeling a little lighter.

Thanks Viv.

Sitting down, you take a swig of your drink, a bite of your newly acquired tarts and get to work.

Starting with a wet on wet approach: you brush the canvas with water where you’ll eventually put some colour so it bleeds intentionally, and glance up every couple seconds to make sure to get a proper likeness.

It’s a yellow tiger orchid, truly beautiful—you’re a bit of a flower nerd because of your mom, but especially with orchids because they’re your favourite. They just come in so many different forms, it’s hard not to love their diversity.

Dipping into your paints now, you add some yellows in slowly, deciding to think of it as less of a flower study and more of an artistic interpretation so you don't have to use your brain too much. You’ll be using it enough to think through this whole Jungkook thing, no need to get caught up in the details and strain yourself even more.

Carefully put and one by one, more and more colours make their way onto the page and you settle into the calmness of creating. It leaves the open space you need for your mind to finally start working through the whole Jungkook–Yuri, Yuri–You, You–Jungkook situation before immediately correcting that there is no You–Jungkook situation.

He just wants to be friends, and that doesn’t constitute a situation. More of a predicament.

Yeah, that sounds better.

You switch out your brush in favour of a tart after getting base colours down, takinge a hefty bite and chasing it down with more hot chocolate. Damn it’s good, you need to ask Viv what magic she puts in it to make it this amazing.

Another swig and you think it’ll be better to just jump right into your mental debate. Get it over with, hash it all out.

So that’s exactly what you do.

It isn’t that you do or don’t want to be friends with Jungkook, he seems nice enough.

It’s a matter of if you can be.

Jungkook is probably a very self-disciplined individual—if you knew anything about his upbringing—so it’s not like he wouldn’t understand your drive. He’d probably understand you in that respect more than Yuri does. Why you work so hard, why you don’t slow down. You can’t.

You won't. Not for anyone or anything.

And he can clearly understand social cues so you don’t have to worry about things getting awkward. He would act appropriately, never pushing boundaries—

Using a thin angled brush, you add more yellow to create sharper lines.

—And had he been just Jungkook, you wouldn’t even be sitting here having this ridiculous mental conversation with yourself. Because who stresses this much over a new potential friendship? You certainly never have before.

But that’s the problem, he isn’t just regular old Jungkook.

He is His Royal Highness, Prince Jeon Jungkook.

And as much as his title doesn’t mean shit to you, it sure as hell means a whole lot of something to everyone else.

He’s heir to the biggest kingdom on this half of the planet. On the cover of every teen magazine and online news article. Only child to the King and Queen.

Powerful. Attractive. Single.

In short, Jungkook has been incredibly well known and incredibly important since the day he was born 24 years ago.

So you have to sit and think out what would happen if you became the prince's first female college friend. Well… aside from Yuri, but you don’t know how long that’s going to last, given where she thought things were going.

Being seen with him publicly would immediately put you in a spotlight you don’t want. You hate being the center of attention, but that’s the least of your worries.

You worry greatly that you wouldn’t firstly be known for becoming ‘YN, globally renowned painter, artist and business woman,’ selling pieces for more than they’re worth and then some. Galleries from all over the world knocking down your door, begging for your work. Having billionaires auction off paintings you’ve done for charity, being flown around the world for and by people to have you create something for them. Be it portraits or murals or even a performance—

Some burnished red now, with a small thin tip brush to begin the rorschach like patterns on the petals.

—You wanted to be successful by your own hand, and then and only then would you occasionally speak of your very, incredibly platonic, not at all romantic, years old friendship with the prince, who you’d met in your college years by chance.

But you know that if you say yes, if you agree, all of those worries would prove true. That none of it would happen. None of the future you’ve worked for the better part of a decade on would come to fruition.

Oh no, no, no. That wouldn’t be the case at all.

Why would it? If you said yes, you’d become this week's most hot and trending piece of gossip. You’d be ‘the first girl Prince Jungkook was seeing in college,’ and everyone would ask ‘are you his new girlfriend?’ or ‘just a fling?’

If you said yes, it would be a constant barrage of:

‘Where did you meet?’ ‘Is he a good kisser?’ ‘How long have you been dating?’ ‘Have you met the king?’ ‘Does he like you?’ ‘What about the Queen, does she approve?’ ‘Has The Prince mentioned marriage at all?’ ‘Can we see the ring?’ ‘How many children will you have?’

At the grocery store, the mall, the hallways of your school, your hometown, the bathroom of a restaurant. It would be everywhere all of the time, constantly, and your head is already spinning at all the potential bombardment to your currently nice and relatively quiet life, so you take another snack break and stretch.

Finishing your first tart and making a good dent in your second, the hot chocolate is half gone at this point. Whip cream and marshmallows having long melted, making the drink extra smooth.

Returning to your painting and back on topic; you’re not dense. You know how the media does what it wants with the people they see as mere puppets. As if they aren’t living breathing individuals with lives outside the very narrow-minded, click bait titled, news articles.

Their ‘reporters’ have absolutely no regard for what they say and how they act. They have not a care in the world for what their claims do to all the innocent individuals whose lives they write about after they’re done with them.

Selfish is the nicest word you can think to describe them. They’re vicious, heartless, vile people, and you have no desire to ever be the object of their attention.

The flowers are springing to life beautifully as you put layer after layer of detail. You add some darker hues, deciding to go with a more vivid red rather than the burnished one from before. Your wet on wet approach is working magic on blending the colours seamlessly for you. It really accentua—

—And another thing! If you did say yes, you could just see it now;

After your successful career launch, you’d always—no matter what you did—always be questioned about your relationship and what could have been with the prince. Or you’d be asked if knowing him is what got you to where you were, if he gave you a leg up, so to speak.

As if you would let him have any hand in making you what you were always going to become.

You didn’t and don’t need his or anyone’s help.

But it would always be, ‘YN? Oh you mean that artist got that much recognition just because she knew Prince Jungkook?’ or ‘YN, the Prince’s ex from college?’ no matter how hard he or you pushed that you were just friends. Because who would listen to either of you after the speculation was already there? After the seed was planted in their minds.

People love secrets and thinking they know all the dirty, gossipy scandals more than anything. Thinking they know more about other people's secrets than they do their own. As if they have nothing better to do with their lives.

Sighing, you drink the last bit of hot chocolate, wanting another one once it’s gone, but not the sugar headache that comes with that. Water then.

Adding some dimension to the petals by using a clean, damp brush to remove some pigment, you can’t help but let your mind wander to the most obvious conclusion that would be made and sink into it.

You’re almost scared of the social pariah you’d become with every other woman and handful of men on campus. One dating rumor and you're done. Gone. Dismissed.

Or worse. One dating rumor and your popularity will suddenly skyrocket. You won’t have another moment to breathe alone so long as you’re still in school.

Jungkook is the most eligible bachelor on this side of the planet, potentially the whole world. His potential matches are princesses and the daughters of the filthy rich.

Who are you?

No one.

At least right now you are.

You aren’t royal, aren’t of ‘noble birth,’ aren’t a wealthy socialite. You aren’t even an independent, wildly successful career woman yet.

You’re just a scholarship kid who’s only at this school because she worked her ass off for it. Who has to continuously work her ass off for it if she wants to continue to be here.

And you do want to. You want to work hard and become who you’ve always known you’d be. One invisible, important step at a time.

From the first sketch to the last brush stroke.

So to summarize.

You don’t want to be the media’s plaything. Something for them to have their fun with and be bored of in a week, the future you’re working so hard to create destroyed before ever seeing the light of day. Fizzled out like a candle in a pouring downfall, only smoke remaining from the once bright and proud flame.

Secondly, you don’t want to be the social outcast or new campus favourite simply because you made a new friend. Having either icicles thrown at you from every set of eyes on campus or clout grabbers following your every footstep, begging for attention. Snubbed from any group projects, crowds parting like the red sea at your arrival, or never getting a moment to yourself again, late to every class due to your own personal assembly.

You’re exhausted at the mere thought of the possibility of either.

And lastly, you don’t want all the possible implications that come with knowing and befriending a man like him. Plain and simple.

What you want is to establish yourself because you worked for and earned it. What you want is to be successful, putting your near decade of practice and studying to good use. What you want is to have media attention, but for your talents, your efforts, and accomplishments.

Not his.

Not because you happened to treat the second most important person in your country like a normal, regular person.

Like he’d asked literally everyone else on your campus to do.

It isn’t your fault you're the only one who has ears that work.

But…on that note…

This is the prince.

And you are his citizen under his family’s monarchy.

You don’t know if you’re even allowed to say no.

Can you?

He said you could…or was that him just giving you the illusion of choice? Don’t you have to listen to him? By royal decree or whatever it was that forced people to live under the royal family’s rule?

You have no idea, and choose to sit on it some more. There has to be a better solution to this.

You wish you could just talk to Yuri. She’s been your sounding board for the better part of two years now. But that’s definitely a no-go after today. You worry what bringing up anything prince related would do to your friendship right now. You’ve had enough arguments and mental taxation for the time being, thanks.

And if not Yuri…You would talk to Nel…

But Nel’s in a completely different country—a completely different time zone—right now. Already halfway through his night and you don’t want to wake him.

Wait, Nel.

Fuck.

Nel is another thing you have to consider in all this. You aren’t sure how he’d react to any form of relationship you’d have with Jungkook.

How would he react to the media’s coverage of you with the prince?

Would he believe you when you denied everything?

Five years is a long time.

To know someone. To love them. To trust them. And you both know where you stand. You know where your future lies; with him. And he knows his lies with you.

But Nel is only human, and every human has flaws. No one is perfect. Everyone can have moments of weakness. Every person can feel jealous no matter how secure the relationship.

And jealousy can kill a relationship just as quickly, if not faster than anything else.

Jealousy can make you think things so irrational that it breaks down the wall of trust you built on a foundation of cement and bricks like it was nothing more than two twigs being held up by sheer luck and willpower alone.

A horrible rumor.

A gust of wind.

What’s the difference?

Five years of love, trust and communication could crumble to dust because of some asshole with a camera, an angle, and a computer with an internet connection.

You don’t want that to happen. You cannot express fervently enough how badly you never want something like that to happen to you or Nel.

You love your relationship. You love Nel, and you can’t do anything to jeopardize that. Ever.

But surely he’d understand if the heir to your nation's throne asked you to be his friend.

Surely he’d believe you when you told him that absolutely nothing was going on between you and Jungkook and that the media is just having a field day because he was the prince, and you were a girl around his age.

Surely he would…

Surely…

Five years is a long time.

But it’s also short. If you consider that for just over two of them you were long distance 9 months out of the year. And that two and a half more of them were when you were in highschool doing 60 hour weeks while he had football practice before and after school every day.

When you spent most of your weekends at galleries, or portrait study or cramming for a test.

When he spent his studying and practicing and catching up on all his lost sleep from practice.

Maybe…

Maybe you shouldn’t bring it up to him.

A fire can’t start where there isn’t any kindling…right?

An argument can’t start, mistrust can’t begin, jealousy can’t exist if he just…never knows about it.

If nobody knows about it.

Actually.

Maybe that’s exactly what you’ll do. Just not tell anyone.

It’s not lying, not really. It’s just omitting a very, very small part of your life.

And it’s not like you’ll be doing anything bad. It would most likely just be Jungkook asking about where to bring girls on dates or if you’ve seen the newest tv show that’s been on.

You’d tell him Azorè’s is the restaurant closest to campus that’s actually nice, and that no, you haven’t, because you don’t watch a lot of TV if you can help it.

That’s not devious, it’s normal friend stuff—just without the immense social pressure and potential repercussions of knowing him and being female at the same time.

Holy Shit.

This might be crazy enough to work.

And this way… this way you don’t have to say no to Jungkook, and Yuri won’t be mad, and Nel won’t get jealous, and you’ll stay out of the spotlight.

This way works out for everyone.

This way solves everything.

You huff, relieved.

Now you just have to convince the prince that it’s a good idea.

He’s used to omitting things, isn't he? He must because of his future job. Don’t they train future monarchs in the wise and ancient art of social deception and secret keeping—to keep the peace or whatever?

You don’t think it’ll be that big a leap for him.

The longer you ruminate, the more you like the idea, deciding that when you get back to your dorm later, that’s what you’ll tell him. And if he doesn’t like it, well then problem solved all around anyway.

You reach for your hot chocolate, remember it’s empty, and switch to your water instead. Celebrating by mentally patting yourself on the back.

Always trust the greenhouse cafe. The greenhouse cafe is good. The greenhouse cafe is wise. The greenhouse cafe is all kno—

“That’s beautiful.”

You almost jump out of your seat at the voice, knee hitting the table in the process. It makes everything on it bounce and clang loudly and the hand holding your brush that was also nearing your water flies to your chest, leaving a splotch of red paint on your cheek.

“Ow, fuck,” you say, reaching to rub your now throbbing knee. That’s going to bruise. You’re just lucky nothing spilled, you certainly hit the table hard enough.

Looking up to see who your unintentional heart attack provoker was, you blink a couple times before a worried looking Jungkook with big eyes comes into focus.

Though, his worry is brief it seems, as his attention shifts to the painting in front of you, the small smile from the day you met making an reappearance.

Didn’t he just see you jump ten feet in the air? Because of him???

“What the fuck Jungkook?! You scared the shit out of me,” you say scowling, giving him a piece of your mind while your heartbeat returns to a healthier pace. “Didn’t they ever tell you not to sneak up on people in that big, fancy house of yours?”

Jungkook doesn’t think he’s ever heard anyone call the palace a ‘big, fancy house’ before. Another first with you. And he’s about to say as much when his gaze finally meets your own and see’s how upset you are. Right, he spooked you.

The hand not holding a laptop into his side slides behind his neck and he looks away. You swear you can see the prince blushing.

Did you cause that?

Wait.

Stop.

Rewind.

You look him up and down quickly.

Hoodie. Hat. Laptop. Mask around his wrist.

Jungkook was the guy sitting on the patio from earlier? How did you not recognize him? Like at all?

He has the most famous face in the world and you couldn’t recognize it when it was 20 feet away?

Wow.

Actually.

Hat to hide the hair, hoodie to hide the body, mask to hide the face.

Impressive. He really knew how to blend in when he wanted too.

But he hasn’t even said hi or sorry. And he undoubtedly saw you earlier as you weren’t exactly subtle in placing your things on the table.

So much for wanting to be friends. He can’t even say hello to you?

...or maybe you got lucky and he saw that you really didn’t want to talk to anyone.

Thoughts aside, you won’t admit to him you find his camouflage techniques exceptional. He doesn’t need the ego boost.

Jungkook's hand recedes from his nape and he looks at you again, blush almost gone.

“Ah.. sorry.” He cringes a little. “I’ve always been told I’m light on my feet and I constantly forget when I’m around new people. I didn’t mean to scare you. Sorry, YN.”

So his manners haven’t completely escaped him.

You give him a hard time as you point a finger his way. “You’re paying the hospital bill if my kneecap’s broken.”

It only takes a second for the joke to land this time, and a small laugh escapes his lips.

“Yeah, that’s fair. You break it, you buy it?”

It’s the first joke you’ve heard him make, and honestly, it isn’t bad. You chuckle.

“Something like that, sure. Here,” you say, holding the canvas up a little higher for him to see. “It’s a Yellow Tiger Orchid. The greenhouse likes to switch around the plants every other week, but these guys are always my favourite. Make for a fun challenge.”

Jungkook's loose hand touches the edge of the canvas lightly, careful not to disturb the still drying paint.

His words are almost thoughtless, entirely too focused on your work as he says, “You’re incredibly talented, your parents must be so proud.”

“Parent,” you correct, not harshly, just so that he knows you’ve only got the one. “And thanks, it stems from my many years of practice and a shady deal with an even shadier witch. All I know is I owe her my first born.”

That smile of his makes a comeback, only bigger and followed by a snicker.

You match it.

“But yes, my mother’s incredibly proud and a large part of the reason I’m here, never once having stopped supporting my goals.”

That’s true. Very true. Your mum never once thought your dreams were out of your reach, only ever pushing you towards them where she could. Placing steps down for you where she was able to.

She signed you up for lessons, drove you to galleries, bought you book after book on all your favourite artists and painting techniques. She got you paints and palettes and canvases, and did everything she possibly could have to get you where you now are.

She’s your number one fan.

And, in true proud mom fashion, she told everyone she could about how her daughter got into RABFA on scholarship all by herself—except you didn’t. You’re here because of all the support she gave during those years as well as your efforts, but she refuses to take any of the credit.

“I’m happy to hear it,” he says genuinely, before hesitating. Looking like he wants to say something but is debating it. “Can I–Do you–,” he inhales deeply, clearly not used to fumbling over his words.

It’s...cute.

“Would you mind if I sat down?” he finally gets out. “I’d love to see more of your work.”

You think about it only for a second, taking a quick scan of your surroundings. There’s no one around besides Viv, and she’s probably working in the back. Plus, you're pretty sure he’s seen or even spoken to some of the greatest artists of your time. Not to mention, you’d love to hear his input.

“Yeah, sure.”

Instead of sitting on the chair your bag is currently using, he puts his things on the table to your right and spins one around from there, settling down with arms folded over the back of it.

“Thanks.”

You hand over your sketchpad. A perk to using a heavily water based medium is that your painting’s already dried in the time since you first spoke.

Jungkook flips his way through the pages slowly, taking his time in studying each painting as an individual piece. It’s not long before he reaches the one you were working on today. Having just started this pad a month ago, there isn’t much in it yet.

He searches back through to one right near the beginning.

“This ones my favourite,” he says, spinning the canvas around for you to see. It’s a tiger lily painting you’d done late in the summer at home.

Your mother is a notorious gardener, and has several flower beds that could rival a plant nursery with the sheer size, magnitude and variety of flowers in them.

Rose bushes, dahlias, sunflowers, snap dragons, carnations, tulips, daisies, chrysanthemums, you name it, they were there.

So it wasn’t uncommon for you to spend an afternoon out in the garden sketching different blooms or picking one out in particular to paint.

She’d gotten the bright orange tiger lilies this past spring. They were the first ones you’d chosen when you got home after second year to paint. And then you just didn’t stop. They take up about a quarter of your summer sketchbook.

You couldn’t help it. They were hypnotizing.

“Why that one?”

“It’s my birth flower,” he says, lifting the sleeve on his right, revealing a forearm full of wonderfully inked designs. At the center of it is a tiger lily in matching bright orange hue. “It’s always had significant meaning for me because it’s something that represents me that didn’t come from my lineage, position, or name.”

“Oh.”

You sit there for a moment, stunned, yet to release your gaze from the sight of his arm.

The designs that cover it go all the way up to his elbow and don’t stop.

From an artist's point of view, you’re incredibly impressed with the quality of the work. Intricately placed mixes of black, white and colour. Never one or the other for too long. Strong clean lines. Clear, unmuddied colours. Striking.

Beautiful.

You shouldn’t be so surprised, knowing only the best would be allowed to grace his skin, but still. It was rare you were this taken aback by art.

The colours chosen on the more visual pieces are gorgeous together. Bright, brilliant, bold. And the few quotes mixed in? Their linework is just… spectacular.

Jungkook doesn’t seem to mind your staring, twisting his arm to show you some of the designs previously hidden from your sight.

The quality doesn’t lessen.

It’s after you're done intaking the art on his body that you see the strong muscle underneath it. And you let yourself appreciate the discipline that goes into achieving said strong muscle instead of how it makes your mouth water.

Long distance does not help your libido, and you’re only human.

Not that you would ever cheat. You do have a functioning moral compass, and a person you love that you could never do that too in a hundred years.

It's just that you have working eyes... and it doesn't hurt to look every now and then.

To make sure everything’s still working.

It is.

You bring your line of vision back into his.

“I never thought of my birth flower like that before. My mom keeps an entire garden full of them—only child and all.” Like him, you realize. “They’re one of her favourites too. I guess they hold a similar importance to her as yours does to you.”

Jungkook nods as he asks for your birth flower and you tell him. He says he can understand why your mum would be so fond of them, they’re a beautiful and elegant flower, suiting for you.

“Thanks,” you say, brushing off the subtle compliment.

He holds a hand out for the pad and you give it to him, watching as he turns the pages to another drawing before returning it again.

This one’s of your mother, in the small breakfast nook by a window in your home. It’s drawn with dark pencil lead and painted loosely, a slight blending of the two mediums.

She’s drinking a cup of tea and reading a book. It’s one of your favourite pieces that you’ve done recently because it’s your mom, existing naturally.

Not posed for a portrait, or a painting, or a reference, just her enjoying her morning. You couldn’t help but sketch it quickly when you saw her, adding the bit of colour later.

“Is this her?” he asks, taking it in again as if seeing it for the first time.

“Yeah, that’s our breakfast nook. But she reads there more than eats, always saying the window lets in the perfect amount of light.”

“I see where you get it from.”

“Get what?” but he just smiles at you before switching the topic.

“Who do you draw inspiration from, or look up to? I’d guess but I only know the bigger names.”

You inhale, knowing that this answer is always long for you. You get it semi-regularly—it’s a part of being a visual artist the same way asking a musician who they look up to is.

“Well, there’s a couple bigger names in the mix,” you start, “Van Gogh comes to mind first because his work feels like freedom. Lines placed seemingly wherever, yet so meticulously put at the same time. Some aren’t like that, but even then, they still flow like water. I adore his work,” another breath. “Da Vinci. Always. I stand by that fact that he was a genius and I strive to have an ounce of whatever he did. Michelangelo is another. Enough said. The sheer magnitude he was capable of creating was incredible.

“I have a lot of smaller artists I love too. People I’ve seen at local galleries, people I’ve found online, teachers from past classes. Some not nearly as well known artists from a hundred years ago who broke the barriers of art in their time,” you’re smiling like an idiot as you recall all your favourites and how they inspire you.

“I like the people who create and created just because they could, because they loved to. Because it meant something to them to make something with their hands. I mean, look what their passion got them. They all created for themselves, perfected their craft for themselves and that was enough. A satisfying, fulfilling life. I can only hope to have that. But a part of me wants to be one of the lucky few. The ones who shared their art so that others might not feel so alone. They became some of the greatest artists of all time.”

“Also some of the saddest,” Jungkook adds. But he’s looking at you differently now. You can’t put your finger on it but it’s not bad. Something close to curiosity. Or wonder.

“That just goes hand and hand with being a creative person. I don’t know a single one who doesn’t express their pain through their art.”

“Do you?”

“Of course, but those are just for me.”

“Shame.”

That catches your attention. “Why?”

Jungkook doesn’t hesitate for a second before saying, “Because some of the most beautiful things in life are created out of pain.”

You don’t really know how to respond to that.

You know he’s right. People are most likely to bare their soul into their art when they’re hurt, just to get it out. It’s cathartic for them in the same way crying or breaking things is for others.

The most magnificent things can come from that vulnerability, and it isn’t something you ever take lightly when you’re shown.

You’ve heard enough music in your life to know that the most beautiful songs are the most gut wrenching. You’ve seen so many dance performances you know the ones created from anguish and heartbreak are the ones that make for the most delicate movements; the most fragile moments on stage. You've painted enough pieces in grief over your lifetime to know that when someone doesn’t hold back what they’re feeling when creating, it’s the most emotionally provoking when looked at, listened to and experienced by others.

The audience can feel it in a piece. They can feel it in the movement and in the melodies. In the soul of what was created. Of the creator.

“Yes, they are,” you agree, near solemn, and that’s all that needs to be said.

And a moment of comfortable silence later, he hands you back the pad and you pick up your brush to continue with your orchid.

He watches your every stroke. You pretend he’s not there as you add green to the leaves.

“Have you given any thought to our earlier conversation?” he asks. “I know it was only a couple hours ago, so I understand if not.”

Jungkook looks nervous when you wash your brush in the colorful water jar. His face reads like he thinks you’re going to say no, like he’s preparing himself for the rejection but his body language gives him away. He’s wringing his fingers under the table, and his leg won't stop bouncing.

It makes the corner of your mouth quirk. You thought he’d be better at hiding his tics, being prince and all.

But maybe he feels like he doesn’t have to around you.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the chair, Jungkook feels like he’s sweating buckets. Unknowingly showing every nervous habit he has, but can’t help it.

He doesn’t tell you that he doesn’t have a lot of friends. Doesn’t have a lot of people he trusts enough to even consider them friends.

Yeah, he’s always surrounded by people. But they were just that. People. He barely knew any of them, and they only ever wanted to be near him for what it said about them, for what being near him could give them.

He doesn’t say how can’t pinpoint it, but that there’s just something different about you.

So he’s really hoping you say yes.

Because it’s been…a long while…since he’s made a new one.

And it would be really nice too.

But he’ll respect your decision either way.

Just please say yes.

Mercifully, you end his suffering.

“I have,” a brush stroke—more yellow. You don’t look at him while you speak, focusing instead on what’s in front of you. “That’s actually why I came here. To think. I come here for that a lot, or to get work done. It’s my favourite spot on campus. Secluded, pretty, quiet.”

He silently agrees with every word, but is also impatient. “And?”

You try your best to ignore the stars in his eyes when you look up from your painting.

“And I’ve thought hard about this, Jungkook. I didn’t just once over the idea and choose on a whim, I fleshed out what it would mean for me—what a friendship with you would mean for me, that is,” putting the brush down, you allow your most recent details to dry. “And I have a condition—just one. It's one you may not like, but it’s the only one you’d have to agree to in order for me to agree.”

Jungkook deflates a little, wondering what you could want. Because everyone always wants something. He was just really hoping you’d be different.

His mind runs through all the possible answers he’s used to hearing; money, clout, pictures, gifts, vacations, an audience with his father, donations, sex, power, the list goes on.

He doesn’t want to think these things about you, but he can’t help it.

After so long… you get used to it.

“What’s the condition?” he asks, bracing himself.

“That nobody knows we’re friends.”

What? He thinks.

“What?” He asks.

You inhale again, wiping your hands on your pants and straightening your back.

Here we go.

“The more I thought about it, the more I realised that being seen with you publicly all the time would not go over well for me and my future. Anyone can be seen with the prince, but one girl over and over? People will talk about me. And it will be about me, because I’ll be the new shiny toy for them to play with. What I’m wearing, if we’re dating, who am I, what do I do, how did we meet, are you interested, blah blah blah,” you flick your hand, cringing at all of it. “I also don’t want my current relationships to change because of it. I don’t want my mother being cornered in a grocery store by a stranger asking about how her daughter knows Prince Jungkook and if she’s willing to give a quote,” you may actually come close to murder if that ever happened.

“Not to mention the social repercussions. I can deny everything all I want from here into next week, but the second anyone knows we’re friends? I’ll become either the most popular girl on campus—which is a waking nightmare for me—or the campus leper, which is a close second. And before you say anything to the contrary,” you fix him with a hard stare, unwavering. “You know I’m right.”

He tries to speak but you hold up a finger to show you’re not finished, and take a deep breath.

Collect yourself YN, sum it up, drive the point home.

“I don’t need nor want that in my life. So if you want me to be in yours, nobody will know except us and whatever royal people need to so I don’t get tackled for being near you.” He cracks a smile at that.

“If that isn’t okay with you, then that’s fine, I understand. It’s probably an ask you’re not used to hearing, but I hope you understand that I have to put myself first and that this is a hard boundary for me. I’ve worked too hard to get where I am and I won’t let anyone get in my way. Not even a prince,” you say. “Not even you.”

Jungkook waits a second this time, making sure you’re finished. Then leans back, deep in thought, eyes still trained on you.

He’s never been so impressed with anyone in his life.

It’s been a very long time since he’s met someone with such blatant, hard earned self respect. Such candor and veracity, who spoke to him with confidence, completely unwavered. Let alone a woman.

He’s so used to the fawning that he’s forgotten he likes it when a girl has backbone. Forgotten he likes a girl who doesn’t bend because he asks her to, who doesn’t need him or anyone to get what she wants.

She can do it herself.

If he’s completely real with himself, his pants are fitting a little tighter as he remembers. As he continues to stare into your unflinching eyes.

But he dismisses that feeling immediately.

He should have known better. You’ve always been honest with him up until this point, sparing as those moments were. So he shouldn’t be as astonished as he is; you’re the one that has yet to break pattern.

Yuri’d fed him piece after piece of information about you. How you almost never leave your dorm when not in class, how you’re always studying or practicing all hours of the day, how school is your number one priority above all else—she really liked to talk.

He should’ve known you wouldn’t let anyone get in your way—not even him—given how the first time you met, you told him point blank that you would’ve rather been in the library than be forced to see him talk.

Confident and direct from the very start. Unwavering in your goals.

Jungkook should have known when you said you had a condition, that you didn’t want anything from him, but privacy for you.

You are young, driven, smart, and beautiful.

He’s never wanted someone to be in his life more.

Fuck.

He shifts in his seat, primarily for comfort, but also to buy a bit more time. You’ve yet to break his gaze.

Yes, it is a strange request, and yes it isn’t one he’s ever gotten before, but he can work with it. He understands your need to not be in the public eye. To not have your image decided by the public for you.

Most importantly, he knows what being seen with him can do to a person via the media. It’s terrifying. They’re like vultures, ready to pick the flesh off of any victim they deem fit.

More than one woman has been slandered off the palace grounds because of it. He also should have considered that before asking, but like he knew—like he knows—you’re smart. There’s no reason why you wouldn’t have thought this through thoroughly enough to weigh upon all of the possible outcomes.

It was a day full of realizations. On both your parts is what he didn’t know.

So he really, seriously should not be as stunned, surprised and…still partially hard as he is.

Here you are, staring at him, expecting a reply while his mouth is slightly parted and apparently speechless. It’s rare for him to be given such a harsh truth instead of the immediate yes he is so used to hearing. For someone to have this kind of power over him.

When he’d asked you, Jungkook had just wanted a friend. Someone to talk to, maybe hang out with, share jokes with. Someone to spend time with so his college experience isn’t as lonely as it’s turning out to be.

But where he saw a potential friendship, you saw potential disaster.

Because as much as the title grants him, being Prince isn’t a great thing for everyone around him.

Sometimes it destroys them.

He’s still learning though, that you aren’t just smart. You’re calculated.

You are a scythe in a field of grass, a gust of wind in a foggy gulf, a sunbeam shining through the clouds on a rainy day.

You think things through to their every possibility, finding the best outcomes and worst fallouts. You did it with his request, and managed to find a solution that works at only a small hindrance to him.

So who the hell would he be if he didn’t take it?

The outside world already knows all of his friends. Granted about 95% of them are men, but that’s what you get when you grow up having the sons of the guards, groundskeepers and chefs around. The other 5% are the girls he met during childhood, the daughters of other royals and titled individuals.

And even then with them, the speculation never stopped. Not after years of platonic friendship. There was always a ‘what if?’ thrown onto them. So he understands that if he starts hanging out with a new girl, the media will go wild. Understands that existing in the same place as you and his social etiquette towards you have the power to make or break you, mentally, socially, even physically.

He understands.

So, everything considered?

Your one condition isn’t so bad after all.

And he has no problems with it.

“Agreed.”

You blink, clearly not expecting him to give in so quickly, or to at least debate it. Your eyebrows scrunch as you sputter, “Just like that?”

He grips the back of the chair, and leans forward again.

“I would never expect you to give anything up or be forced into an unwanted narrative because I asked you to be my friend. Of course I agree. It’ll be nice to have someone I don’t have to worry about the press bashing. To have someone normal, who I can be normal around, and who will, clearly, call me out on my shit or set me straight when I need it. So yeah,” he sucks a tooth, “Just like that.”

You flinch a little at his words. “Wait I lied, I have one more condition.”

He’s intrigued, especially considering the look on your face. “Go for it.”

“You can’t throw me in a dungeon for calling you out. My safety needs to be assured for any and all potential verbal ass whoopings you may receive in the future.”

A full, loud cackle sounds from Jungkook, eyes crinkling as he says, “Deal.” And holds out his hand.

“Deal,” you say, shaking it and laughing with him. Because you know there aren’t any dungeons in the palace.

And somehow, you know that even if there were, he still wouldn’t.

Chapter Four: Sunday Nights and Lost Memories

A/N 2: we do be getting into though.

A/N 3: I know I’m jumping ahead here but I’m excited for you guys to read chapter 4, it’s one of my favourites so far!

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confusedblakex · 1 year

Text

Soulmate AU Series: Eijiro Kirishima

Pairing: Eijiro Kirishima X Reader (GN)

Summary: The day you get your soulmark, except you didn't find your soulmate the way you expected

Wordcount: ~820

Warnings: None

Requested by: No one

Inspired by: This post by @dashielldeveron and this post by @haitani-trash

Notes: Just trying to finish off all my fic series before I start anything new

Last edited: 16th May 2023

Prologue

You woke up an hour before your alarm, giddy with excitement. Your phone was buzzing with texts and ‘happy birthday’ messages, and there was a buzz of happiness in the air.

You threw the covers off yourself and immediately stood yourself in front of your mirror. Staring at your reflection, you looked yourself over.

There was a small, printed mark on the inside of your right wrist.

34.929529, 138.377314

So what did that mean? With a sigh, you brushed it off and continued with your morning.

As you arrived at school, hoping that someone would recognise what it meant or be able to decipher it. You were early, but people wished you a happy birthday as they entered the classroom. Ashido was the first to ask about your soulmark, closely followed by your friends Jiro and Tokoyami.

You showed them the mark, pulling up your sleeve to show them your wrist.

“Some sort of code, perhaps?” Tokoyami suggested, but you stopped when you noticed something about your soulmark.

“Wait, the numbers have changed,” You said, noticing that the combination was entirely different now. This gained confused looks from your friends.

Mina grabbed your arm and dragged you across the classroom, asking various random people what they thought it meant.

“Oh! It’s some numbers!”

“Fuck off”

“Dates or times perhaps,”

“Coordinates.”

“Phone numbers?”

Hold on. Mina dragged you back to Todoroki who, with little to no emotion, simply stated once again that.

“It’s coordinates.”

“Of course! Coordinates in latitude and longitude, does anyone have a GPS?” Midoriya yelled excitedly.

To his question, Tokoyami pulled out his phone and Jiro pulled a laptop out of her school bag.

Midoriya held a compass, and Jiro poured over the laptop while Tokoyami read out the numbers on your wrist. Mina was being moral support.

The collective breath was held as the search loaded. And the screen zoomed into UA.

Mina cheered, but everyone else – including yourself – all sighed. This was good, yes, but if the coordinates change when your soulmate moves, all that means is that they are one of the many many students at UA currently.

“The coordinates are only enough for a general location, not specific rooms in the school…” Midoriya said, getting lost in his own thoughts and quiet mumbling.

“Your best bet is to wait until lunch,” Tokoyami suggested, with Jiro quickly understanding.

“Yeah, that way if the coordinates change you know that they’re someone who’s up and moving.”

So classes continued as normal, and though a little underwhelming, it was nice. Lunch always seemed to come quickly and you felt a little better sitting down with your friends, though for some reason Mina had insisted on staying near you all day.

“Can’t miss some good romance drama!” She said when you asked why.

Therefore, she had abandoned her usual friends at their lunch table. But before you could think too much about it - or even start eating - the numbers on your wrist changed.

One number changed. Then two, and then the first number again, and then once more-

“Oi Mina!”

“Where’ve you been?”

The self-proclaimed ‘Bakusquad’ - the friends that Mina had abandoned to see the ‘romance drama’.

Bakugo, Sero and Denki all walked over to the table and Mina waved at them enthusiastically. Trailing behind them was Kirishima.

The numbers on your wrist had stopped changing, so you looked up to see what the Bakusquad were doing, only to look up directly at Kirishima.

His eyes widened and he froze in seemingly amazement or disbelief. Your eyes lingered on him, and for some reason you couldn’t look away. But it made sense - neither could he.

“Kirishima?” You asked loud enough for him to hear. He was still a good few paces away from you.

Not daring to look away, he just smiled. A blinding smile, the most beautiful, brilliant smile. To the confusion of everyone there, you stood to meet him halfway and giggled a little when he stumbled over his feet in excitement.

He didn’t slow down, though, when you reached each other and instead scooped you up into a hug. A gentle, loving hug.

So it was him. Kirishima is your soulmate.

You definitely weren’t disappointed, and Mina seemed to catch on as she squealed like a small child.

“It’s you, it was you all along,” He said quietly, still beaming.

"You're so... gorgeous..." He whispered, his eyes only on you, seemingly absorbed in all the colour he could now see.

“Hey, at least take me out for coffee first,” You joked and Kirishima flushed bright red as Denki laughed.

“Ah! Of course,” He said, finally stepping back from the embrace, “But I’m glad it’s you, (y/n).”

---

Bonus:

“Seeeeeee, I told you~” Mina sang as she danced around Kirishima.

“Told me what?”

“That you’d have a great love life one day,” She said, sighing to herself, “Ugh, now I need an entire manga series of your romance together! You and (y/n) are so cuuute!”

“Minaaaaa-” Kiri grumbled, bright red.

#x reader #x male reader #x gender neutral reader #x gn reader #kirishima eijiro #eijirou kirishima #kirishima x reader #bnha #mha #bnha x reader #mha x reader #soulmate au #soulmates

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jesslockwood · 1 year

Text

Tag people you want to get to know better game

I was tagged by @anthonyjlockwood @givemea-dam-break and I think someone else I can’t find on my feed lol but thank you for tagging me :)

relationship status: single as fork

song stuck in my head: the last great American dynasty & champagne problems. I’ve been getting into folklore and evermore alot recently.

last song I listened to: right now I’m listening to Celine Dion My heart will go on lol

three favorite foods: RICE. uh, my mom makes the literal best barbecue sauce and I will slather that shit on everything (does that count?), I forgot a third whoops, i love poutine!

last thing I googled: "when is the apple back to school sale 2023 Canada” cause it hasn’t started and because my old laptop I’m using is falling to literal pieces and I can get a laptop now that I’m a student lol

dream trip: Scotland, Ireland, England, and Norway. (my heritage has some Scottish, Irish and Norwegian so id love to visit where i come from and England has always intrigued me :)

anything I want right now: for my family to be at peace and okay when we put my dog down tomorrow. i also want her to know it’s okay somehow.

no pressure tags: @cameronspecial @oblivious-idiot and anyone who wants to do this!

#tag game #pet death tw #about me #jess talks

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sysy-studyblr · 5 months

Note

hey! i just finished my grade 12 exams and was looking into studying in germany. i was just curious what exactly you’re doing right now?

hi! so I have been waiting for someone to ask me this omg!!! currently cracking my knuckles opening up my laptop to answer this one

curriculum

so! essentially the main thing here is whether your high-school diploma is enough for university study, i.e: is it qualified as a Hochschulzugangsberechtigung, HZB. I did the International Baccalaureate diploma, and based on the curriculum (and subjects chosen) you have studied, the route will be different for you. the German curriculum is of course best for studying there, but the IGCSE one is solid too. I am not sure for others, I live in kenya, so the main education systems are the Kenyan one, IB, and the Cambridge IGCSE one. best websites to use to figure out how to get there are as follow. DAAD is based on anabin, but anabin is from the culture ministers conference (the OG guys of deciding this study)

DAAD:

https://www.daad.de/en/studying-in-germany/requirements/admission-database/

anabin:

https://anabin.kmk.org/no_cache/filter/schulabschluesse-mit-hochschulzugang.html#land_gewaehlt

the main categories are:

a. diploma valid in both country of education + Germany

b. diploma valid in only country of education, not germany

c. diploma not valid

field of study

based on your choice for your field, and also bachelors, masters or phd, all play a role. stem courses will generally not be taught in English, and you will just have to know German, if you want to study stem. unless you can find a specific international university, there are almost no courses (I could not find even one pure physics course in English) for stem in English. if there are, you will probably compromise on quality of education.

humanities courses are taught in English, so if you go into literature, business, psychology, economics, hotel management, etc. there are plenty of courses at very very good universities.

public universities are usually the best in Germany, have relatively low tuition (recently introduced in some uni's for international students) and are extremely high in quality.

what I am doing rn

my diploma went into category b, above. despite getting above average IB points, being a student with tons of extracurriculars, the subjects I took, along with the general regard of the IB diploma in Germany resulted in my situation.

I have to do a studienkolleg (a foundation course for international students). in order to apply for a stem oriented course, as I am going into physics (women in stem!!), I need a studienkolleg, and in order to go into the studienkolleg, I need B2 German.

I have essentially taken a year off (may 2023 - sept 2024) to figure out how I am getting there. I started German in September 2024, after figuring out I need to know it + I need a foundation. everyone online has said you can't learn a foreign language in a year - do not listen to them, it is entirely possible, difficult, but honestly doable.

so yeah! ask if you have any other questions. despite all this, the reason I want to study there is quality of education in relation to tuition, the job market, the benefits for international students, and the quality of life.

#studying #studying in germany #international students studying in germany #how to study in germany #ib students in germany #I just saw all my asks sorry to everyone I have not replied to #I am so sorry #I will be replying I swear #studyblr #studyspo #study aesthetic #stem #women in stem #study motivation #aesthetic #aesthetic studying #studystudystudy

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scrumptiousstuffs · 1 year

Text

Dangerous Romance Episode 2

In which round 2 of Kanghan versus Sailom continues with Sailom proving to be as steadfast and whipped smart while Kanghan and his bruised ego made multiple attempts to get Sailom to break without success 😂😂

It opens up with Sailom answering maths/physic questions without needing to do any calculations, while simultaneously helping Auto with his homework despite a wonky laptop. Kangham and his cronies (on the other hand) are licking their wounds and tries to erase all evidence of the Sailom-Kanghan kiss 💋.

It’s ironic then his own buddy (Max) didn’t do so and the video eventually made its way to grandma. Kanghan tries his hardest to flip the narrative by lying to his grandma but grandma (I love her!! Such dignity and poise) with the help of Pimfah is already aware of Kanghan’s bullying nature (this is why women in most Thai BL dramas are the superior species 🤫) and not only gave a much needed kick to Kanghan’s ego (hah! She made him apologise to Sailom 😝) but also delivered the ultimatum to the useless home school teacher, invest on more CCTV to make the school safer AND offered Sailom to tutor his unrepentant grandson 🫣

Sailom tries to avoid taking up the offer, but with debt mounting and a carefree brother, he took the job (and as a bonus continues to frustrate a seething Kanghan 😅) - also Kanghan brought it on himself by trying to sabotage Sailom’s work - Sailom continues to have some of the best line in this episode “Haven’t you heard of the Cloud system, the work is uploaded automatically.” “From now on, call me Tutor Sailom 😁”

He tries his hardest to teach an uninterested Kanghan but ultimately gave up and return the money to Kanghan (not before delivering a much deserved punch to the latter’s face! - urghh Kanghan made a douchebag move, basically framing Sailom as a pervert preying on young children, and making the former lose his tutoring job of teaching primary school students) - I think it’s also quite telling it’s the way Kanghan besmirch his reputation that finally made him angry enough (not the bullying, not the rudeness and how Kanghan threw his money to Sailom etc) - and this is consistent with what we know of Sailom’s character. He has never been tempted (yet) with money, not if it means sacrificing his honesty and integrity. And so for Kanghan to sully his reputation as a provocation, well, I don’t blame him for giving a shiner to Kanghan.

We finished the episode with Kanghan deciding to threaten Sailom with an empty gun to comply with his demands but it ended up with him saving Sailom from a beat up/torture (can’t believe those thugs almost used an iron to burn his arms!! 😱).

And this (in my humble opinion) is where we see the turning point for the Sailom-Kanghan’s interaction. While the latter can be a douchebag and a bully, he is not exactly an evil person (just terribly immature and spoilt). Finding Sailom who carries himself with dignity; breaking down, scared and crying to the point he hugged his not-friend is likely an eye opener for him - realising how hard Sailom works in school and his side jobs to pay off his debt while still maintaining his integrity (we see all the flashbacks of what Kanghan did to inconvenient Sailom, and while the latter always push back he never retaliated…)

It should be interesting to see how their friendship (and love) blossom now that Kanghan has declared to Sailom, Saifah and himself again that Sailom is his tutor (I think both Sailom AND Kanghan looked stunned when he said that 😅)

25/08/2023

* Saw a tiny smidgen interaction of Guy and Nawa! I think it will be a riot once they get their act together! 😉

**Also - 💕 grandma and Pimfah, they both love Kanghan but very much aware of his shortcomings - Pimfah “I don’t want him to be more astray.” 🤌 and Grandma not giving an inch to Kanghan 😏)

#dangerous romance #episode 2 #kanghansailom #perth tanapon #chimon wachirawit #view benyapa #aj chayapol #euro thanaset #pepper phanuroj #papang phromphiriya #pawin kulkaranyawich #marc pahun

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teresalace · 10 months

Text

The Doplerganger Phenomenon (Halloween 2023) PART 1

Pairing: (Professor) Loki Laufeyson x Female Reader (College Student)

Warnings: Vague horror mentions, SFW. Words: 2911

Tropes: A doplergnager of someone you know...A string of unexplained deaths and on top of that things are going missing from your apartment.

A/N: 🤪 Inspired hugely from a childhood Japanese horror (?) Romance movie that ws titled Dooplergnager!! #no beta, no editing. My first MCU FIC. Sadly I can't find it on YouTube and I lost the CD, if anyone can find it-- the movie goes like this without any gore. An office girl (I think) lives alone at home, uses charcoal to draw on a canvas and is thinking of entering a museum's art contest... but is so indecisive, and suddenly the door bell rang, she goes to see who it is and sees its a blind guy who idk is asking if it's the right address or smth. She says no and he goes away. ... Boom from one floor beneath her apartment, at the same location as her door, another her appears... her dooplerganger-- who does what she was indecisive about, draws, enters the art contest, basically this whole movie is some detective supernatural thing where a detective discovers that some ppl jump off buildings after seeing their dooplergangers achieve better than them. Sooooo ;) this is not an original idea, just wanna honour this movie.

~~~~~~~

Clap.

"Listen here. If nobody takes this Friday exam seriously, I'll have Mr. Laufeyson take over all my classes for the rest of the week." Lightheartedly said Thor, his wide voice overpowering the whole classroom, grinning in playful triumph, yet the threat was very real.

Groans and moans—some boos here and there—fill out the jam-packed classroom, ranging from zombie-tired to actual fear responses. My reaction lied delicately, balancing on the tightrope of both dread and hope, but my heart twisted in excitement.

Among the chorus of complaints, chatter, and chairs shrieking surrounding me, I took my sweet time filing and packing my things, which were not so neat. Class ended on a very motivational note. . . .

Professor Thor's brother was not one most students willingly paid a visit to after-hours, unlike the other teachers, and looking for him without a purpose in academic advice is as pointless as buying rope from a camel.

His striking slim features, like his most prominent and popular emerald gems for eyes and boney face, take a stand in attracting many to sign up for his courses. I so happened to be one of the lucky few who didn't check the profiles of the teachers and allowed that to influence my decision-making.

Beauty is always deceiving.

And it never fails to be so entertaining to watch from the back rows when another person rage-quits, abruptly leaves in the middle of his teaching, or slumps defeatedly in their seats each and every week. It never stopped Mr. Laufeyson from carrying on the lesson—not even when a wasp flew in by mistake and terrorised the class while he didn't bat an eye.

Until it went after him, he took immediate action, swatting it hard against the wall with a ruler.

He froze.

Holding that fatal position, he rotated his head towards me—I meant, the class obviously.

"Now, any questions? And if there are, you best make it good; otherwise, you'd like your future grade to fall from a height." He removes the ruler, revealing a flattened wasp slowly unsticking itself from the wall and plummeting down with a comically weak buzz.

Then silence.

"Just like that."

I held back from laughing, except for a tiny chuckle joining the other students'. Sucking in the bottom of my lip, I focused on the assignment on my laptop while keeping an active ear for any tidbits of information from him. I really liked his humorous side. But there was something else about him that I loved.

…RING.

There went the bell, and class was dismissed. Mr. Laufeyson, with a smooth ease, was the first to leave, and the others and I stalled to watch him before following suit in hushed giggles.

"—ho! Just now, that got me feeling some type of way."

Another girl low moaned, "I'm melting like an ice cream in the sun."

"I wish he used that ruler on me instead."

Mmhmm.

Mr Laufeyson's back disappeared after a sharp turn, he's never in the cafeteria during lunch breaks but in a way what a relief he won't ever see the dumb side of me. Not that he sees me as anything else except a student.

But it will change.

Thankfully graduation was right around the corner… By then I'll have a chance to ask him out properly. Maybe buy him some flowers? As a farewell appreciation gift.

. . .

"I heard you used my name again to scare the children," Loki piqued, hands studiously behind his back as he approached the sun-lit kitchen.

His brother, shining blonde tied-back hair, grins wolfishly after downing a beer can and tossing it in the trash, making it over to Loki.

"Relax, it's just a joke, brother!" Thor let out a boisterous laugh, smacking a large hand on Loki's shoulder and causing him to slightly flinch. "College kids need the motivation. A kick of adrenaline, am I right?"

"More work that is unnecessary doesn't sound very funny to me. I will not be babysitting your class again after last time, a word of warning."

"Oh come on now, you have a knack for torturing students to greatness— and I can supply you with as many peoplee as you wish. Just say the word!—"

Loki's unamusement showed in his thin smile and poise stance.

"—Don't think I've seen the way you've been holding yourself back from having fun these days." He winked, walking off with a whistle in the direction of his study.

Loki didn't think it was obvious but of course his brother noticed his recent shift in behavior, more avoidance. But like all things in life, it would soon pass. It has to. And it will.

The root of his avoidance would graduate soon enough next month. He'll just have to exercise more patience and wait it out.

. . .

Friday nights are always the best to rewind and treat myself to fast food on the couch. It's fun to pretend that there's 3 days in the weekend.

Time to imagine the handsome actor in the Notebook as Mr Laufeyson.

"Sorry, can't join you tonight girl. I got a 2nd date with Taro!" Juliet whooped excitedly, pumping a fist towards the ceiling as she one-handedly strapped on her glittery heels with urgency.

I waved weakly at her bursting enthusiasm, smiling hard and happy for her. "Goodluck—"

The door slammed in my face, faint clip-clops of her heels muffled away into the buzzing night, and the disappointment of my ruined plans reflecting off the smooth rogue-wood.

Welp and there goes movie-night with my bestie roommate… Now I've got the whole place to myself, wowie, nice. Time for some self-care.

Was what I thought before accidentally falling asleep in the middle of a firework love confession scene on the big screen, an empty bag of popcorn kernels laying at the foot of the couch I slouched on. As I finally snored myself awake, a series of insistent knuckle-punching came from the door, louder than the TV audio.

BANG. BANG. BANG.

That is so unlike the bubbly optimistic Juliet I know, she wouldn't be coming home until… I patted around me for my phone and checked the time.

9:00 PM.

Yep. It's far too early.

Instantly I sat up straight, unblinking, eyeing the front door with a tight clutch on my phone. No way is Juliet even close to retiring from her date, ever. No one is supposed to be here and not at this time.

BANG. BANG.

Step by cautious step, I neared the door and tiptoed to peer out of the peephole at what–or–who was causing the commotion. My phone at the ready to call the cops.

BANG.

A mop of slick black hair blocked the majority of my sight: as if this person was leaning forwards, face-first, into the door like he was either trying to hide his identity or didn't know how doors work. Since usually people wouldn't be standing so absurdly close against a door with knowing the possibility of it hitting them.

Or this is a drunk idiot who wondered off from one of the other houses. An uncommon occurence but happens.

BANG—

"Stop!" I shouted, my free hand taking hold of the doorknob firm and full of annoyance. Ready to give this possible-drunk a piece of my mind.

The person listened then a soft, almost feverent breathing came through the wood after hearing my voice. Are they drunk and sick? Not the first time seeing this terrible combo.

"Please take a step back!" I warned the person on the other side and swung the door wide open in a rush of concern.

My unsuspecting self, dumbfoundedly, receiving the best shock of my life. It was a man. I knew.

"Well," glimmered a pair of deep green gem-like eyes once settling in my face. Upclose and too personal. "Hello, my darling. It's been too long."

That infamous silky voice that slithers into anyone's consciousness for days. Belonging to non other but my– I mean, that man.

My vocal cords decided to stop functioning without my consent. "H…"

Almost all of my vocabulary disappeared from my brain the second I fully registered the familiar handsome face in my head. His petal-thin lips parted while my jaw hung as we both looked at each other in a mutual deadlock.

"M– Mr Laufeyson?" My tongue muscle memory took over.

He nodded curtly in confirming his identity, still staring wide-eyed at me as if drinking me in like a new sight to behold.

Wait he shouldn't be here. I wasn't hallucinating this hard, right.

There was no reasonable explanation as to why I could be hallucinating without a drop of alcohol in my system. Unless he stalked me, which is impossible to imagine the busy man ever doing, even pondering it, to me of all people.

Hah. I wish.

But lo and behold it was him, genuinely in the flesh, smiling the most biggest white-teethed smile I've seen.

"May I come in, please. Darling?"

In where? In what?

Trying to make sense of the current reality standing infront of me, hoping this wasn't a prank.

"Why are you here… Sir." I intoned, politely, darting my eyes around him at the dark corners suspiciously. This wasn't some graduation prank right, I secretly hoped it wasn't.

"Why?" A, very nice sounding, humourous chuckle ripples from him before he continued.

"How could I not pay a visit to my most brilliant student? I would regret it for as long as I live." He said it extremely convincing as if it was normal to show up out of the blue at my house in the middle of the night.

"Right. Um, please come in."

I beckoned him in with an instinctual welcoming smile, holding back the urge to tidy my no-doubt ratty appearence and adjust my clothes as he entered.

Brushing his whole arm against mine, on accident I think, but he didn't seem to notice, too focused on removing his shining boots.

Nervously, I closed the door behind him while deeply breathing in the faint passing of his leafy cologne. My mind long forgetting if I should've let him inside.

I tersely said, ignoring the happy booming in my heart, and gestured to the gray couch. Hoping he wouldn't notice the tiniest shade of darker gray, the imprint of where I lazed earlier.

"Please, sir, make yourself at home."

"Oh, I planned to." Mr Laufeyson winked uncharacteristically, smoothly shrugging his coat off him and folding it over the armrest– where I laid my head earlier– casually. One of his hands had a purplish-dark marking across the skin, must've been from him knocking something.

"Thank you, darling."

"No problemo." That was not a cool response at all. Internally I cringed at myself while mentally noting to get him a bandage for his hand injury.

It took much willpower not to lose control of my eyeballs from running down the rare sight of him in only his white button-up while feeling his intense emerald gaze all over me.

Juliet is not going to believe this.

Alright, I'm going to be a good host. And only that. He probably wants to ask about what career path I'm choosing or something, so hold back.

I cleared my throat, meeting with his eyes.

"Sir, would you like some tea or coffee?" And maybe stay longer.

"From you? Anything will do."

. . .

Crackles of laughter sitting together on the couch, his arm draped over the back of the cushion behind my head, silly banter over past lessons he taught, tiny tidbits of his favourite things and color (as I suspected was green) proven correct. We share more things in common than I had thought.

Who knew I'd be the lucky one to be graced with getting personal with Mr Laufeyson.

1:10 AM.

In a blink of an eye, time seemed to skip over and the hour hand crossed midnight. Even though I felt no ounce of drowsiness— it wouldn't be appropriate to let him get caught by my roommate. This wasn't exactly all that inappropriate too, we only talked.

"Sir, it's getting very late. I'm sure you have another student to visit tomorrow or something," I tried to sound casual with mild contact, genuinely smiley, and not at all like I was pushing him to get the hint.

His emerald eyes flashed understanding as he gave a relaxed smile, getting up from the couch slightly slow. "I'd hate to overstay my welcome and have you lose your beauty sleep."

I chuckled and copied his action while he collected his coat, his slim fingers fiddling with the buttons almost mindlessly. It was a rare sight to see Mr Laufeyson act… Nervous? Maybe, that would be funny to imagine but he must be feeling discourteous for accidentally not watching the time slip by.

I know I would.

"Oh and dear."

My gaze instantly flicked up to his already on me. "Don't think for one second I could ever forget you," he closed the distance between our bodies and said my name so intimately. Leaning in, tilting his head, my heart a combustion of excitement, as his eyes shut and he left a peck on my cheek.

The signals were green. He was giving all the right signals and I'd be a fool not to go for it. Just not right now.

I muffled my own giggle, leading him to the door as I held it wide open for him. "Thanks for stopping by, Mr Laufeyson. It means a lot to me." More than he could ever know. If only he could stay longer but that would be a huge violation to my roommate's trust. Darn it.

"As it is for me."

He softly smiled, taking his sweet time to walk down the small steps. Glancing back at me twice.

He left without a hurry into the swallowing darkness where the streetlights lacked reach, and I continued staring out the peephole long after his ghostly tall figure lost itself in a concerning direction. Only alleyways and deadends there.

But I shouldn't be too worried, he looked like he knows where to go.

Tik. Tok.

Tik tok.

It felt like an eternity wishing for Monday to arrive quicker, my nerves aflamed for the entire weekend as I picked out cute outfits in advance. Surely he'd appreciate a different look from me, I couldn't wait to see his face again.

—RING.

. . .

Back to class. Here we go!

For once throughout my college days, I woke up an extra hour before my alarm and prepped an all natural make-up look. Taking special care to choose a flattering outfit and spritzing all over myself with my favourite scent until I knew I would be a walking cloud of sweetness. Hopefully something to be remembered by.

Out the door I went after leaving some waffles for Juliet's breakfast. Way too early but it was worth it.

"—Right, let's continue where we left off before another bee decides to steal the thunder and my job. All at once." Mr Laufeyson placed away the long ruler responsible for last week's insect death, I noted that he was wearing the same coat from coming over last friday, as a round of chuckles and soft giggles in the mix, erupted at his words.

Mr Laufeyson was putting extra work into being humorous today of all days or his mood improved positively better... Possibly because of me. Because of last Friday night. Or I was getting too ahead of myself when he could've easily paid a visit to the others. Right, he's just being a good concerned teacher. As always...

Class went on like normally. And he didn't even glance at me.

. . . The hour had passed.

Hoping for the littlest of interaction after class, I sprinted the steps down to the front of the classroom. Ahead of anyone else. "Mr Laufeyson!"

Once I stepped around the desk to properly stand before him, a perky excitement in my every movement to be upclose to him again. My expectations of mildly receiving a smile from him was shattered the second he angled his face towards me, his stiff folders collected under an arm.

"What."

Mr Laufeyson said harshly, "—exactly do you want? My time is limited. My email is on the Google classroom, you can easily find it online to contact me. However If it's a matter you believe is urgent, see me in my office after school hours immediately."

Not expecting this... Kind of standoffish tone.

I deflated under the scrutiny of his sharp green eyes and downturned pink lips, hopes of my outfit and being noticed stomped by his quiet impatience and unusual agitation. Right, we were still in school. Why did I choose such bad timing to talk to him.

Too eager, I must've came across as desperate. Yikes.

"Okay, sir. Thanks," I gave a weak smile as he spun to leave swiftly.

Probably not hearing me in the midst of everyone else's small chatter joining the outside noise as I adjusted the strap of my bag on my shoulder. Heart heavy but I survived.

His change in attitude was unexpected but not unwelcome. The iciness of it. A telltale sign that something or someone had bothered him. By the troubled ook of his deepened wrinkles, I guessed it must be recent— An hour or few ago, maybe— his stiff body language told me it's a personal matter.

Either I was deducing nonsense or being a kick of delusional away from acting on my deepest urge to confess my feelings.

How could I even help him?

. . .

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the-last-airbadger · 9 months

Text

My 2023

I almost cannot believe how quickly this year passed by. It feels like one moment it was only February, and then I blinked once and suddenly Christmas carols were playing on the radio again. I think part of the reason this year went by so quickly was because I didn’t do much…? for most of the year? For a good solid 7-ish months I was just stuck at home applying for jobs day in and day out, and that type of life is just not very eventful. That doesn’t mean nothing eventful ever happened though! If you look at the big life events that happened this year, I actually did quite a lot this year! It was just a very slow process to get from one step to the next, with a lot of nothing in between. But in the end, I got where I wanted to go, and that is what counts! Now it’s time to figure out where to go next…

The Beginning of 2023 vs Now

I was in a very different place in my life at the start of the year. First of all, I was all caught up in a crush on one of my friends a year ago… It’s both weird that that was already a year ago and hard to imagine that that still felt like such a big deal back then. The situation escalated a bit in the first month(s) of the year (which I will not go into, but those who know know [eyes emoji]), but in the end it worked out for the best. I got over my crush, and we’re still very good friends, so I’m much happier about that part of my life at the moment.

Another big difference between me at the start of the year and me now was that back then I still had my reproductive organs. I had surgery at the start of the year, in the second week of January, and I feel much better now that they’re gone. Even though it wasn’t exactly fun to spend the first two months of the year in recovery, they were well worth it. So not only was I able to rid myself of worries and discomfort, I also got another step further in my transition.

The final big change: Back then I was technically still a Master student. Now I’m a graduate with a job. Is that a good change? Well, I’m definitely a step further in the grand path of my life, so technically that’s a yes. But does it feel like a step forward? I’m not sure. Sometimes I wish I could go back to being a student. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m glad I can earn some money now and start building up the rest of my life, but I do often feel that I was happier back then. In that sense, it sometimes feels like I’ve taken a step backwards. But I guess progress in life isn’t always linear, so we’ll just have to see where next year brings us!

So yeah, in multiple aspects, I do feel like this year was the year I grew up a bit and moved on to the next stage of my life. So even if I’m not entirely happy with where I am now, I am proud of what I’ve managed to accomplish!

The Best Things about 2023

Hmm… this one is a hard one this year. I mean, it’s not like nothing great happened, not at all. But I do feel like there were fewer stand-out moments this year compared to the previous years. Nonetheless, there are still plenty of great things that happened this year. First of all: surgery! Of course, the surgery itself wasn’t great, but the result of it definitely was. I already feel much better in my skin than before I had surgery, and though I still have a long way to go to get to where I want to be, I’m glad I got to take a big step forward this year.

Then, to get a bit less serious, another great thing that happened this year was that my brother bought a playstation! I’ve played so many cool games this year: Spider-Man, Spider-Man: Miles Morales, Stray, and more… I never thought I’d enjoy playstation games this much, but man have I spend many hours on my couch gaming on the playstation. It was awesome! And that reminds me that I also got a new Laptop this year, which I’m also super happy with (my old one was falling apart), which also allowed me to buy some awesome new PC games, so I think you can say it was a good year for games! And Spider-Man 2 and Baldur’s Gate came out this year, which is pretty cool too!

In March, I received my Master’s degree, which you could say is also a big highlight of the year. I still can’t believe I’m completely done with my studies. All these years that felt like such a faraway milestone… it’s so weird to suddenly have reached it. Which reminds me: another big highlight was my first salary! I’ve earned money before, but nothing beats your first grown-up salary.

I don’t want to make this too long, so I’m going to go through the next few highlights a bit quicker, but that definitely means that these are less important. They are perhaps a bit less grand, a bit more trivial, but no less important to making the year what it was. This year, I saw Dan Howell live again, I bought a tablet and started learning how to do digital art, I went to Toverland with friends (I was so excited!), I celebrated October 3rd in Leiden for the first time, I also went to comic con for the first time, my D&D character died and got a boyfriend (sort of), many great movies were released (Across the spiderverse, guardians of the galaxy, the D&D movie, Barbie, The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes, many of which I saw in the cinema with friends), great music was released (SHINee Hard, Taemin Guilty, Loossemble and ARTMS… what more do you want?), I got new glasses, aaand I think that is about it? Oh no, wait, how could I forget! The new doctor who episodes!! I was so hyped about those, and they did not disappoint! It was great to see David Tennant and Catherine Tate back in doctor who again, and it looks like Ncuti is going to be a fantastic doctor too, so I can’t wait for the new season to air next year!

So yeah, despite the fact that I may not consider the year 2023 as a whole to be much of a highlight year, many great things did still happen this year, and I’m very glad that they did!

My Resolutions for 2023?

Oh boy. I already took a quick look at them earlier today, and there are definitely a few that I did not complete. However, I do happen to know that I did set a lot of life goals that I was quite sure I was going to reach, and that I have in fact succeeded at most of those, so it might not be all bad! Let’s just grab last year’s list and see how well I did this time!

Life Goals:

Have Surgery! Obviously, my biggest goal for the year is to just finally have my hysterectomy and vaginectomy. I know it might seem like a bit of a cop-out to put something on my list that is very likely to happen, but the recovery is going to be tough, and you never know for sure it’s actually going to happen until it has happened, so if I have had surgery and recovered from it, it will still feel like a major accomplishment – Success! I had surgery, and it was indeed tough, but I got out better on the other side. I made it through, and I’m proud of that

Find a job! The next big goal is to find a job so I can start my new life as a certified adult – Another success! I found my job a bit later than I initially expected (in the end I started in November rather than in April like I’d thought I would), but a success nonetheless!

Move out! It’s going to be difficult to find a place to live in this economy, but once I have the money it will be my main goal. It really is time for me to have my own place. – That’s a fail, I’m afraid. Partially because I only found a job in November, but also partially because I think I underestimated how hard it is to even find a house. Granted, I haven’t tried yet, but it wouldn’t surprise me if it’ll be challenging before the end of next year. Especially since I’ve realized that it might be smart to save a bit of money first. So yeah, that was a fail, but I still really want to move out, so I’m going to try again next year!

Get on the waiting list for phalloplasty. I really need phalloplasty, so the sooner I get on the waiting list, the better. – Success! I got on the waiting list on October 13th, after a phone call with my surgeon. Right now, it looks like 2025 (or maybe 2026) is going to be the year of Phalloplasty for me, which is still painfully far away, but at least I know now that it’s slowly getting closer every single day. Slow progress can be agonizing, but at least it’s still better than no progress at all!

Save some money. I have many saving accounts that are currently empty, and I have very little money overall. However, once I have a job, I might actually be able to save some money, so I hope that next year I’ll be halfway to my goal in 4 of my savings accounts. – I’m going to count this as a fail, since I’m not even halfway to my goal in one of my savings accounts, unfortunately. I am saving money right now, but unfortunately this year the amount of money in my account decreased significantly before I finally managed to earn something new. So yeah, no success on saving just yet, but again, a good goal for next year!

Buy a new laptop OR a piano. My laptop is falling apart a little bit, and I haven’t played the piano in ages, so I hope that I’ll be able to buy either a new laptop or a piano sometime next year! However, whether I can get a piano or not will depend on whether I’ll have my own house, whether there will be space in that house, and how much money I’ll be earning haha. – Success! Bought a new laptop as soon as I got my first salary in November and honestly that was probably the best purchase I’ve made all year. No regrets!

As soon as I'm recovered enough from my surgery, I want to do push-ups regularly again so I can build up a little bit of strength again. However, it's going to really depend on how long I'll take to recover after surgery, so I don't know whether I'll actually be able to do this. – Okay, this is more than a success. I didn’t just start doing push-ups again, I’m actually going to the gym every week now. I don’t think I could’ve predicted that I’d ever become a gym person a year ago, but that’s the fun thing about life, isn’t it? You never know exactly what is going to happen!

Reading Goals:

Read 25 Books! I know that’s a lot less than what I read this year, but I feel like I will be busy enough next year with other things, so I don’t know how much time I’ll have for reading. Still, I don’t want to neglect reading completely, so 25 books! If I succeed, I can go higher again the year after! – Fail, unfortunately. I read only 21 books this year. I haven’t really figured out yet how to combine reading (and my other 10 hobbies) with working full-time, but that will be a challenge for next year!

Get to a point where I only own 5 unread books at a time. I’m so close. I know I can do it – Nope. Currently have 19 unread books lying around in my room… :(

Finish reading at least 6 of the 12 series I’m in the middle of. I realized this year that it happens way too often that I start a series and don’t finish it, and then when I decide to continue the series I’ve forgotten what happened in the previous book, and that’s just a shame. So this year, I’m going to finish series instead of start them, and hopefully next year at this point I’ll only be in the middle of 6 series instead of 12… - Nope… I finished a grand total of 3 series… Very sad…

Read 5 Rick Riordan Presents books. I still want to catch up on these books as well. I’m in the middle of 2 Rick Riordan Presents series at the moment, so if I finish those that’s already 3 books. Then the next Rick Riordan Presents series I want to read only has two books, so I want to try to read those too. – Another fail… this is starting to get a bit depressing…

Keep reading classics. I want to read at least 2 new classics next year because I do want to keep reading those even though I’m done with my studies. However, I also don’t want to force myself to read too many of them against my will, so I think 2 is a good number. – Success! Yay! I’m glad I still managed to read some classics this year. I might be done with my studies, but I’m not ready to let English Literature go just yet. There are still so many classics that I haven’t read yet, and as an ex-literature student, I feel like it’s my duty to read as many of them as possible!

Keep up with new releases! And by that I mean, read the new Truly Devious book, Percy Jackson book, and Nevermoor book in the year they’re released, so in 2023! – Another success again! Nice! I read all of these books except the Nevermoor book, but that’s because that one got postponed, so it hasn’t actually been released yet. Hopefully I’ll be able to read that next year!

Art Goals:

Make 5 big art pieces. By that I mean I want to complete at least 5 drawings where I give them my all – colour it to my best abilities, add a background, and most importantly, don’t rush it! I want to make sure they are the best I can do. – Fail, but close! I finished 4 big artpieces this year, and I’m almost halfway through the fifth one! So I did my best!

Draw 2 more character posters for my D&D group. I drew 2 characters last year for my friends and framed both drawings, and they turned out so well and were so fun to make that I want to draw our entire party like that. However, they also took a lot of time, so 2 in a year should work. – Success! I drew one more character poster, and then made a drawing of our entire party for our DM. Currently, the only character that’s still left to draw is my own, so I will hopefully finish that one next year!

Other Goals:

Finish the following 3 games: Life is Strange: Before the Storm, Subnautica: Below Zero, and Skyrim. If I finish other games that is cool too, but these are the ones I really want to finally finish! – Okay, so here’s the thing. I finished quite a few games this year: Life is Strange: Before the Storm (as I said I would!), The original Life is Strange, Spider-Man, Spider-Man: Miles Morales, Stray, Professor Layton and the Spectre’s Call… and I also once again played a lot of Sims, so overall not such a bad year! But did I finish Skyrim and Subnautica: Below Zero? ……..

Finish the Heartstopper comics and watch the Netflix show – yes and no. I finished the Heartstopper comics, but then a new one came out in December which I don’t own yet. As for the show, I finished the first season! And then the second one came out, which I haven’t watched yet. So…. Kind of? But not really…

Check out some Doctor Who audio adventures! I put those off for when I needed to recover for surgery, so I should really actually listen to some of them while I’m recovering from my surgery. – Again, yes and no. I did check one out, but I only did so this week, and I haven’t gotten very far into them, so… yes? But not really in the way I meant.

If I do actually manage to get a piano, I want to start playing regularly again. It’s been way too long since I’ve done that (however, if I don’t manage to get a piano, I won’t count it as a fail, but will leave this goal for 2024, since I don’t know if I’ll be in the position to get a piano this year) – Hmmm, another ambiguous one. I don’t own a piano yet, but I am trying to get into the habit to play at least once a week, for about an hour on Sunday mornings. I haven’t really built up the habit yet, but I am working on it. So… kind of?

So that’s 19 total of which there were 8 successes, 8 fails, and 3 ambiguous answers. Honestly, I don’t think that’s so bad! I thought it would be worse, but I honestly did quite well this year, if I may say so myself! Only the reading goals could use a lot more work next year…

Expectations for 2024

This time, I find it much harder than usual to kind of know what to expect next year. I used to have a bit of an idea how a year would go, with school and university and all, but now? I don’t know. The future feels very blank and empty right now, which sounds kind of depressing but could also be a good thing. Empty means open, and open means that anything could happen. There could be so many cool things waiting for me this year without me even knowing it yet!

But a prediction like this is of course no fun without any specific examples, so I’m just going to try and guess what I think is going to happen. After all, the more wrong I am, the more fun I will have next year when I look back on this. So, right now it looks like I will work at my current workplace until the end of June, after which I can either decide to stay or move on to something else. I think I will decide to move on. My work right now is fine, but not something I want to settle for, so if I get the opportunity do try out something else I will definitely take it. So my guess is I’ll keep doing my current job until June, and then move on to the next one. In the meantime, I think I will mostly spend my weekends focused on my hobbies and my social life. I will keep going to the gym each Tuesday (and hopefully get a bit fitter!), keep going to Choir every Thursday, and try to find out how to balance working full-time with having a lot of hobbies. I will also keep saving money each month, so that when I’ll finally find myself a house, I’ll have enough money to actually furnish it. I also think I might end up buying a car at some point, since that is just going to save me so much time (and maybe even money too!). So, if I look at how my saving is going right now, I might be able to buy a car somewhere in the summer, which I might actually do.

I also still want to move out next year, after I’ve saved some money. So I think I will spend the first six months saving, and will then start seriously looking for a place to live. I don’t know if I’ll be able to actually find something before the year ends, but I want to at least have put the wheels in motion by then. And if I do find a place to live, I think that can go two ways: either I find a place somewhere in the same area that I live now (so in either one of the biggest adjacent cities), or I will find a place with a friend and live in the city where I used to study back in the day. Either way, I think I would be happy to have my own place. And if I have a car, nothing is really that far away.

So I’ll work, buy a car, move out. Take another few steps on the great path of life. I’ll turn 25 in June, which is already a major milestone in and of itself, but I’ve also always thought that 25 would be the perfect time to meet a lifelong partner, so maybe I’ll actually get lucky this time! You never know what the future will hold, so I might as well dream a little.

I probably won’t make any major progress in my transition, but I will get closer to 2025 which will hopefully be the year of phalloplasty. Plus, for the type of surgery I chose, I’ll need to lose a bit more weight, so that will be another goal I will work on in 2024. I’ll try to eat healthy and take care of my body, and hopefully reach my first goal before my appointment in April.

As for the rest of my year, I think I’ll have to leave that open. I do think I’ll renew my contract in October if I get the opportunity to, but other than that I have no idea what the future will hold. I know I want another job eventually, but I don’t think I will make drastic changes this year. This year will just be for exploring. Exploring what I want, exploring what I am good at and how I like to spend my time. My guess is that 2024 will be a relatively calm year where my life stays roughly the same. But 2025… something tells me that will be the year of big changes. So maybe a bit of calm before the storm is exactly what I’ll need.

Oh, and ARTMS will probably release an album this year. I’m looking forward to that!

2024 Resolutions

And now it’s time for my favourite part! Plans for the next year! I’m excited, motivated, and probably way too ambitious because I’ve once again got many plans for the coming year! I’ve mentioned most of my major goals already in the previous section about my expectations, but I’ve also still got many smaller, hobby-related goals that I am quite excited about! First of all, I really want to make this year the year of reading and writing. I’ve been getting into reading again this week and I am really realizing how much I’ve missed it, so I’m going to try to work it back into my life again, and I’ve got a plan for that! I want to be much more intentional with my time this year. After all, I keep complaining that I don’t have enough time in a day, but then I proceed to spend two hours aimlessly scrolling on youtube. If I only manage to replace my youtube time with hobby time, I could already win so many hours back! And what better to spend those hours on than reading and writing?

But that’s enough of my waffling! Let’s get into this year’s resolutions!

Life goals

Save money. I finally have a stable income, and I don’t have any rent to pay yet, so that means it’s the perfect time for saving money! This time, I want to have reached my goal in at least two of my savings accounts, I want to be halfway to my goal in at least 4 accounts total, and want have saved at least 1/6th of my goal in my emergency backup fund.

Buy a car. I don’t know if I’ll actually end up doing this, but right now this is something I want to work towards, so I’m just putting it on the list.

Move out. It’s time. Once I’ve saved a bit of money, it really is time to move out. I’m almost 25, and I definitely don’t want to keep living with my mother for much longer now. Moving out is a big change, and it feels a bit scary to have to truly start relying on my own income and money-managing skills, but that’s exactly why I should do it. It’s going to be hard to find a place, but I’ll sure as hell give it my best shot!

Keep going to the gym, lose some fat, and build some muscle! For my surgery, I had to lose around 5 kilograms before April, and I have a feeling it’s only going to be more after that. I’m okay with that though. Before covid, back when I was still skinny and somewhat active, I weighed significantly less than I do now, and I don’t think it’s such a bad idea to get back to around that weight. So, to give myself an actual measurable goal: I want to weigh less than 70 kg in April, and around 65 kg by the end of the year. As for the muscle… I’ll count on pictures document my progress there!

Writing Goals

Finish writing a draft for the first half of my book. Originally, I wanted to have my whole draft finished by the end of the year, but looking at the speed of my writing right now and considering how busy I will be once work starts again, I think getting halfway there is a much more realistic goal. Though I love being ambitious, if my goals are too unrealistic I tend to give up, so I think I’ll actually accomplish more here by putting the bar a bit lower here. So finish half a draft! I don’t think I’ll be able to pinpoint exactly where the halfway point of my story is, but I think I’ll know whether or not I have reached that point next year. If anything, I think I probably should have written at least 8 chapters. Maybe 10…

Build a habit of writing. I want to try to find a fixed moment every week that I can devote to writing. How else am I ever going to finish that draft?

Reading Goals

Read 24 books! This year, I’m going to set my reading challenge at 24 books. It’s a bit of a random number, one book less than my previous goal, but 24 a year means exactly two books a month, and that feels reasonable!

I still want to work on trying to reduce the amount of unread books I own. However, I feel like trying to read all 19 books I own now, plus all the books I might buy and the books I might get as gifts throughout the year, is simply not feasible. Therefore, I think this time I will instead focus finishing at least half of the books I currently own. In fact, I think I’ll make a list of 10 books I own now that I want to have read by the end of the year. Those books are going to be:

The Hero of Ages

The Anatomy of Story

Rule of Wolves

Aru Shah and the Nectar of Immortality

Cress

If We Were Villains

The Dawn of Yangchen

Gregor and the Prophecy of Bane

Gregor and the Curse of the Warmbloods

The Fault in Our Stars

Read more non-fiction books and classics on my phone! One way I feel like I can significantly increase the amount of time I spend reading is by reading more books on my phone! Usually, the biggest reason why I don’t read while travelling is simply because pulling out my book often feels inconvenient. Either it’s busy and I have to stand, or my bag is so full I can’t find my book, or I only have a few minutes before I’ll have to stuff my book back in my bag again and rush out of the vehicle. But what do I always do in those situations? I pull out my phone. So if I just purchase some books in google books – something like non-fiction because it reads similarly to a webpage, or maybe a few classics because those tend to be quite cheap on there – and read those instead of scrolling reddit… I think that would be good for my reading goal! So this year, I want to have purchased and read at least 3 books on my phone!

Read 4 classics! Like I said, I want to keep reading classics, especially since I’ve been enjoying reading classics so much more now that I no longer have to. As for which ones… well, I definitely want to have read 1984 at least once. I also really want to read more Virginia Woolf, so I want to read at least one of her books this year.

Finish 5 series! Currently, I’m in the middle of 10 series, and that’s way too many. So I want to finish at least 5 of them. I especially want to finish Aru Shah, The King of Scars Duology, The Mistborn Trilogy, and the Lunar Chronicles. The 5th one I’ll leave open for myself. I guess that one is going to depend on what I feel like reading this year!

Finish my Heroes of Olympus Reread. I reread the first three books of this trilogy in 2022 and then never continued… I really want to reread the final two books in the series as well.

Art Goals

Finish the character poster of my own D&D character! I already have the frame ready, and it’s starting to look so cool. I really want to finish this drawing as soon as I can!

Finish at least 1 of the two art projects that I have planned for my D&D group. I won’t go into detail here in case one of them ends up reading this, but I have two pretty cool art-related gift ideas for my D&D group, and I want to have finished at least one of them!

Draw 5 digital character posters. I really want to develop my digital art skills, as well as create some more character posters for some of my own characters. What better way to work on both of those goals by combining the two and drawing some digital posters?

Finally use the paint my grandparents gave me last year, and make a painting

Fill 2-5 pages in my physical sketchbook with coloured drawings, using the new coloured pencils I bought this month. I bought these pencils for a reason. I want to learn how to use them.

Other Goals

Finish 5 games. I’m once again going to try to finish Subnautica: Below Zero and Skyrim, since it’s starting to bother me that I still haven’t yet. This is probably going to be the third year in a row that I’m going to try to finish Skyrim… I better actually do it this time. As for the other three, I definitely want to finish Baldur’s Gate. I also want to finish my replay of Detroit: Become Human, as it would be a shame to quit halfway through. As for the final game… I don’t know. Maybe if I ever come into the possession of a PlayStation 5, I’ll finally get to play Spider-Man 2! If not, we’ll see! I’m sure I’ll find a nice game that I really want to finish next year!

Actually properly check out the Doctor Who audio adventures. I’ve started one of them and really enjoyed it, so next year I want to have listened to at least 4 full 8th Doctor Adventures CD’s on Spotify. I have a feeling I will like those

And that is about all I can think of! Really, I feel like if only I can manage to free up enough time to work on these goals, 2024 could be a wonderful year! I may not have my dream life just yet, but that doesn’t mean I never will. I’ll keep working towards my goals, and hopefully get closer to finding out what my ideal life looks like every year. I don’t know what this next year will have in store for me, but I’m ready to find out!

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#my 2023 #personal #annual reflection post

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