#billy deserved a second chance to be better even max said so!!

[hintsofhoney]

love your shitty little sister, max

[bestpartofbe-lie-ve]

Before I get hate over this NO, I'm not white so I think I can talk about this freely.

I'm gonna talk about Billy freaking Hargrove, because I really need to. With all the bullshit the Duffers had going on around Billy with season 4 I feel the need of talking about this stupid deceased boy.

First, and most important, No; no one likes Billy only because he's pretty. Stop that shit, it doesn't make sense and it doesn't make y'all look superior by saying it. Most of us like Billy for the complexion and the depth of his character, because he somehow showed the other face of the coin, how abuse and a violent environment can transform you into a Max, or a Billy. This is important, because we're all different, we all cope and react to things in different ways and that's ok, we should not be ashamed.

He was a kid, let's not forget that. He died at 18. Freaking 18! At that age, I was still feeling like a lost child, without knowledge or sense of maturity. Seeking for someone to guide me. Y'all have more empathy for a child murderer, Henry, than a stupid boy who only needed to get in his fucking senses. Yeah, he did some nasty shit and I'm not excusing him, I would never excuse his behavior. The racism was there, the abuse was there too but... Y'all saying that he deserved such abuse? That he deserved such a violent death? That's nasty, and low. He was a kid who deserved a second chance with everything that was going on around his life. He deserved to escape the abuse he was getting, to begin with, to be around better people and a better environment; to bond with his sister, because at the end he sacrificed himself in order to save HIS SISTER and a bunch of kids he didn't even cared about. He deserved to learn about his shitty behavior and to find a way to be better, he deserved to apologize to Lucas and to prove that even racism can be eradicated, because even when he's talking to Max about how she needed to "learn about certain people you cannot mix with", he's still talking about learning. He learned that from Neil. No one is born racist, and I BELIEVE he could have learned about it.

And don't try to compare Neil to him because he was a kid and his father was a grown ass man, a real grown ass man. Do better with that way of thinking.

I like Billy... I relate to him because I was a Billy myself, and sometimes there's remains of that Billy. I was an abused kid, an abused teenager and an abused young adult who didn't have much control over her emotions. I always struggled with rage, and I also did and said some nasty shit. I used to be, just like Billy to Max, an abusive girl taking advantage over his little brother who had nothing to do with what I was struggling with. Usually he paid for the broken plates, as we say here, and now I know that all those things I've made doesn't make me worthy of dying. I've grown, I've learned and I got a second chance to change. I BELIEVE IN SECOND CHANCES AND IN SELF GROWTH.

Billy Hargrove had much to learn and unlearn, but if I like him it's not because he's hot, pretty or whatever y'all claiming for. No, I like him, I relate to him and I miss him because I believe he could have been like me If they had given him that chance.

Then again, I'm not white. I'm a Latina who had struggled with racism and classism. I've been abused, and I've been the abuser. I know my wrongs, and I have grown for the best so I think I can have a fucking opinion over Billy Hargrove. But, If you still think that he was worth of such a nasty, graphic and violent death, then I don't know what is left to me, and to other abuse victims that can't and won't cope the way y'all seem to want them to cope.

Be better, think a little deeper because not everything is black and white, good and bad. We're more complicated than that, and harass those who like, or relate, to those characters you view as problematic doesn't make you a hero, or a woke person. It makes you an idiot. So please, leave alone those who empathize with Billy in any kind of way because you don't know the background of it.

[me-4eva]

Harringrove Feedback Fest

This list is by no means exhaustive but OH MY GOD THERE ARE SO MANY GOOD FICS IN THIS FANDOM!! Anyone who knows my taste should know these are heavy on the angst by and large but there are also some sweet ones in there! (Also huge thank you to @gothyringwald for starting this!) It is currently very late so I will go through tomorrow and add some more details about each one but these are fics that live rent-free in my head... also I’ve tried to tag the authors as best I can

In no particular order:

What you had and what you lost by @its-tortle

Donna Richardson, formerly Hargrove, née Marcs, has not seen her son in nearly a decade. She had run from her husband in a panic with no time to turn back for Billy, and by the time she searched for him, he was gone without a trace.

It was her greatest regret.

OR

The one in which Billy's mom comes to look for him, just as he's begun to heal.

My broken house behind me (and all good things ahead) by @ageolwian

He relives in vivid, distorted detail that time he got into it with Jonathan behind The Hawk; and when he got beaten into oblivion at the Byers’ old house; and that interrogation under duress beneath Starcourt Mall; all of them blurring together into one violent mess inside his head. Carol Vaughn holds him off the floor by his throat in Joyce Byers’ kitchen, while her boyfriend yells at her from the sidelines that he’s had enough, Carol, that he can’t breathe; the lights around them flash neon pink and blue by turns, and at some point a gang of Russians drive a Cadillac convertible through the living room wall.

Carol says, ‘hey there little Stevie,’ and kisses him on the cheek.

Or: Mr Hargrove’s supposed to be in Chicago all weekend.

We will be citizens by sarapod (four_right_chords) (couldn’t find a tumblr so linked their AO3 account!)

"This disease will be the end of many of us, but not nearly all, and the dead will be commemorated and will struggle on with the living, and we are not going away. We won't die secret deaths anymore. The world only spins forward. We will be citizens. The time has come."

The Party lives through the plague.

Fuck my heart, hope to die by Yassoda

When Steve notices Billy missing school, he tries to think nothing of it.

He fails.

He ends up sticking his nose in something unexpected, somewhat sad, somewhat dangerous, but ultimately good.

Like Steve needs more danger in his life.

---

A lot of Billy's life being shitty, and Steve's life being shitty, and them dealing with that however they can.

Lego Therapy by @cherrydreamer

Billy struggles with his recovery after the Mindflayer.

Steve helps.

With some Lego.

Bruises on both my knees (for you) by @bentnotbroken1fanfiction

Billy hasn't been able to satisfy the itch beneath his skin since leaving California. Unfortunately, he doesn't think he has a chance in hell to find what he needs in small town USA.

But that all changes when he sees the fire in Steve Harrington's eyes the night they fight. He sees something in them that he sometimes sees in himself when he looks in the mirror.

Harrington has demons. Just like Billy

Billy Hargrove Hates Nancy Wheeler by deadwife

Billy Hargrove Hates Nancy Wheeler.

Or

Steve gets in a car accident, and nobody understands why Billy Hargrove is in the waiting room with them.

you're cold (and i burn) by @holdenduckfield

Move on. Let it heal.

Maybe that’s why Steve said yes when Max asked him to help move boxes out of Billy’s room after the dust settled. He could hear her voice. Too many. Too heavy.

Just like his wounds. His grief. Too many. Too heavy.

(Or, Steve steals the glass ashtray from Billy's bedside table and things start to go bump in the night.)

put your lights on by @desk-of-nekostar

better leave your lights on, 'cause there's a monster livin' under my bed, whisperin' in my ear

Tommy Hagan doesn't deserve Steve Harrington, but Billy Hargrove sure as fuck doesn't deserve him either.

Vaya Con Dios by GayerThings

Neil said Hawkins was a 'fresh start', away from the sins and vices of San Francisco. A good, proper place for the family. It's everything Billy loathes. But it's somewhere quiet, a shit-hole Billy can lay low in until he makes a break for it and escapes this nightmare. He has a plan. Finish high school, save up some money, and run. No friends, no secrets spilled, no caring about anyone or anything.

But everything changes after his fight with Steve at the Byers' house when he's brought home the next morning in a cop car. It's just like old times. Something goes wrong, and he pays the goddamn price for it. Sometimes it's just for existing. Sometimes he thinks his dad dragged them out here with the hope that Billy will mess up and someone else will do his dad's dirty work for him. So he tries to hide it. All of it. Climbs to the top of the popularity ladder with his fists and his charm. Finds the easy girls. But even then he still can't stop what his dad's been trying to beat out of him for as long as he can remember.

Not with King Steve in the picture. Not when the goddamn bastard keeps messing up his plan.

Second Thoughts by @callieb

That night, 1984

Steve sits at the kitchen table, a pack of frozen carrots wrapped in a tea towel against his swollen purple face. "I'm fine," he says. It’s over. They fought the monsters, and they won. Now he can rest.

Except in real life, the credits don't roll, and they don't get to skip ahead to Christmas.

Of Cats and Men by Thei

Billy hits a cat with his car, and finds himself responsible for three little kittens.

Fortunate Son by Ludovico_is_my_homeboy

Experiment Seven escapes the Lab.

Driven on by Brenner, an inter-dimensional gateway, and his own obsessive love, Experiment Six follows him.

getting better by banksoflochlomond

"Dude," Dustin says, "You can't just Schrodinger's Cat your way out of trauma."

[mediocre--writing]

au where steves dad is the abusive one?

ok i saw this whole thing a while back about how nancy slapped steve in s1 and he didn’t flinch or cower away and people said it could be a result of getting used to not flinching...

so steve’s dad is an all powerful, mighty businessman who needs the perfect wife and kid, meaning it has to be that way at home, as well.

steve is kinda used to it. like a little slap here and there are no big deal and he’s a little brat most of the time, so he kinda deserves it.

and, let’s just say, maybe billy moved to hawkins with his mom and her new husband (max’s dad) but he’s still pretty upset with the move. not as destructive, but still mad he’s been pulled from his home.

he befriends steve pretty quickly, they’ve got very similar personalities deep down and they recognize it pretty quickly.

billy’s a clingy friend. he’s the type of person to find one friend and latch on for life.

that’s why it’s so peculiar to him that he’s been friends with steve for almost a year now but has yet to go to his house.

steve’s always busy or his parents are having a brunch party or something. and billy gets it, sometimes you just don’t wanna be at your house and need a getaway, but this is bordering on ridiculous.

ridiculous as in steve has a drawer and a half of his stuff in billy’s vanity, plus a few jackets hanging on the hooks by the door. it’s weird.

and so, one random sunday that billy knew steve had nothing to fill his time on, he goes to his house as a surprise.

he had blissfully ignored the little signs between steve, himself, and his mom. the ones that flinch at loud noises and don’t particularly like bigger men. he figured it was whatever. he’d continue to barge into steve’s life if it was the last thing he’d do.

he rang the doorbell, waited for an answer.

“...nd when i get back there you better get rid of that bullshit you call a sense of humor or i’m gonna give you a real reason to cry!”

billy’s eyes widened at what he’d heard, but quickly composed himself as a man, he assumed john, steve’s father, answered the door.

“hi, how can i help you?” he was buttoning his shirt cuffs and looking annoyed as ever while staring down billy. as if he had better things to be doing.

“i’m here for steve,” billy have a small smile that felt more like a snarl.

“he’s busy right now—“

“but we’ve got a project. it’s due monday and we’re only halfway through,” billy chuckled as if he were telling an amusing anecdote. “you see, i’ve been blowing off our study meetings and he’s been telling me, you know, i’ve gotta do my share of the project, but i’ve been goofing off. you get that? right?

“so, anyway, my moms all on me about my grades and i need this project to boost it up, but i can’t do it without steve,”

john is still staring at billy with a nonamused look on his face.

“what class?”

“english. we’re supposed to compare and contrast whether elizabeth should have gotten with darcy or not. i’m pretty against it, you know. he was so mean to her and his only excuse was that he’s shy? sounds like a load of crap, ya know? but steve’s all for this mushy crap. he swears they should be together forever,” billy chuckles and keeps talking. “you know—“

“kid, if you shut up right now i’ll make sure steve’s down in a second, alright?” john finally cuts him off, looking about ready to rip his own hair out (or what’s left on the sides).

smiling, billy thanks him and walks to stand by his car, waiting for steve.

“go,” john says as he storms into steve’s room.

steve’s eyebrows furrow. his dads gotten mad before, sure, but never just kicked him out like this.

“your little friend... the one with the curly hair... he’s waiting outside for you to complete your english project,” john tweaks an eyebrow as he leans on steve’s doorframe.

steve’s eyes widen then he nods, collecting school stuff, just to make whatever lie billy spewed out believable. he pulls on a shirt and grabs a coat as he makes his way downstairs.

“when you get home,” john starts as he stands near the door, waiting for steve to come down, “we’re finishing our discussion, do you understand?”

“yes, sir,” steve nods as he smiles to his mother, swinging his backpack over his shoulder, which is the wrong move because it smacks and rubs at where the belt had hit earlier.

“go on, don’t keep him waiting,” john opens the door and steve practically sprints out the door.

billy gives a half smile as he gets in the car, steve walking around to the passenger seat and getting in, throwing his book bag in the backseat.

billy backs out of the (ridiculously long) driveway and starts driving out of the neighborhood.

“we don’t... actually have a project i forgot about by some chance, right?” steve asks meekly.

“i’m not even taking english this semester, steve,” billy says as a joke, but it comes out softer and almost sounds like he’s scared to say the wrong thing.

“why did you stop by?” steve asks as the boys pull up near the entrance to the trails that lead through the woods towards the quarry.

billy only shrugs as he turns the car off and gets out, walking down a trail, steve quickly following behind.

“you didn’t answer,”

“i—i don’t know?” billy admitted, shoving his hands into the tight pockets of his jeans. “i guess, i’ve never really seen your house and i was curious,”

steve nods as they continue walking in silence, only the crunching of leaves under their feet.

steve keeps glancing over to billy, wonders if billy can tell what happened by the way steve’s walking or talking.

billy keeps glancing over to steve, wonders what’s going through his head and how badly he wants to cry or scream.

eventually, after about 15 minutes of walking in silence, they reach the peak of the quarry, and billy sits down and hangs his feet off the edge.

he pats the spot to his left when steve stays standing behind him.

steve sits down reluctantly, careful not to scoot too close to the edge.

“my dad is a piece of shit, too,” billy says quietly as he looks over to steve, trying to gauge his reaction.

steve’s big eyes grow even wider before his head snaps over to billy, mouth opening and closing multiple times.

“it’s why my mom and i moved here. she divorced him when i was like, uhh—i don’t know—maybe eight or nine? but he kept bothering us. would show up at night and bang on the door, threaten my me and my mom, all that kinda stuff. it got worse when my mom started dating trevor, he kidnapped me once, when i was 10,

“got me out of school and just took me to his house and wouldn’t let me leave or make phone calls. trevor, he was a police officer in cali, and he was the one who helped my mom find me,” billy smiled as if it was a nice little story. “i don’t know what i would have been like if i’d have gotten stuck with my dad. he was mean and vile and hit my mom and i all the time until we just left, it’s the only thing that stopped it,”

“billy—“

“it’s not a pity story, steve. i’m trying to let you know that bad situations only get worse when you try to solve them on your own. and i know your parents probably won’t divorce or anything, so let me help you because i don’t want something to go too far one day that could have been avoidable if you just had someone,”

“i don’t—“

“don’t what?” billy asked, but it sounded more like a threat.

steve’s eyebrows pulled together and he sucked his lips between his teeth, face screwing up in a way that looked almost painful. “i don’t—i don’t know what i did—“

steve let out a gaspy sob that looked like it hurt coming out of his chest, tears that had been pooling for months finally breaking through the barrier, cascading down his face and, if this wasn’t such a heartbreaking moment, almost made his big brown eyes look prettier.

billy, scooting himself off the edge, pulled steve backwards so he could fall into billy’s chest and let it all out.

“you didn’t do anything, stevie,” billy brought a gentle hand up and down steve’s back and arm, “none of this is your fault, i promise. nothing you have done or will do is ever going to make his actions justified, ok?”

steve nodded his head slowly as he continued to cry, but it was less sobbing and more overflowing emotions at this point.

“do you wanna stay at mine tonight?”

“...please,”

“of course,” billy was tempted to kiss steve on the crown of his head, so he did. “you are welcome whenever you need to come over,”

“i’m scared to go back,” steve whispered, heard only slightly over the high winds.

“you don’t have to go back,” billy whispered in return.

“yeah, i do,” steve whispered again, “he’s already mad you interrupted—“

“interrupted what?” billy asked, wondering why steve left off his sentence.

“noth—“

“interrupted what?”

“was hittin’ me with ‘is belt,” steve said into billy’s chest, quiet as he could.

“stevie,” billy cooed, and, somehow, steve didn’t feel like he was being talked down to. it may have been the way it was said or who said it, but it made him feel safe.

they kept sitting their for another hour, at least, and just enjoyed the noise of nature. not loud men, not threatening home lives, just birds singing and wind blowing and the water lapping below the edge.

[yikesharringrove]

Saddest billy hcs? I have one where he gets sexually abused by a lifeguard as a kid but never told anyone because he’s scared

I think you sent that to me, bc I for sure wrote one that was that. It’s here. (TW for mentioned sexual assault in the ficlet)

Okay, I’m gonna do this like I did the Steve one. Strap on in.

Warnings for mentions of child abuse and some allusions to substance abuse. There’s one labeled with a TW that deals with self-harm, some suicidal ideation, and substance abuse if you squint real hard

Billy’s a crier. He cries when he’s sad, angry, frustrated, happy, all the time. Neil knows this

They left California bc Neil found out Billy was dating/kissing/screwing another guy and you cannot change my mind

Billy genuinely thinks he’s never going to see 30. He doubts he’ll even see 25. Between Neil, and the fire inside of him that burns way too bright to be sustainable, he figures he’ll be a die young kinda guy

He was chubby as a kid. Neil often called him “Lard Ass”.

We see a lot of Billy using things his father has said against him, against other people, like in the flashback thing in season 3 when Neil calls him a pussy, and then he calls another kid a pussy, basically see above.

Sometimes he refuses to touch Steve for days on end because he is still so disgusted with himself for their fight and how much he hurt him and feels like he doesn’t deserve to touch Steve

Lucas was the first person he apologized to after That Night. Then to Max, then to Steve, then to Mrs. Byers

Hopper pulled him over once for speeding. Bily was shaking their entire interaction and Hopper decided to let him off with a warning when he noticed the red mark on his jaw

TRIGGER WARNING I go back and forth on this one. Sometimes I can picture modern Billy self-harming, but he tends to lash out more than put it on himself so I really don’t know. Sometimes it makes the most sense and sometimes I feel like he’d just be vaguely self-destructive, like party too much and do whatever drug he can get his hands on and drive drunk and just think like ‘if I die I die’

When he gets out of his dad’s house he goes down a big scary road of self-destruction bc he literally doesn’t know how to control himself outside of fearing for his safety from his own father.

Body issues? Body issues.

He has a very weird relationship with himself. He absolutely hates himself and who he is as a person, but he also thinks that he’s the best in all ways and swings wildly between both attitudes

The scar on his eyebrow is from his dad’s class ring. Billy buys an eyebrow pencil to fill it in because while he thinks he looks hot, he also really hates looking at it and knowing why it’s there

The first week they moved to Hawkins, Billy drove to Indianapolis and went on a bender for three days bc he just couldn’t deal with the fact that this shitty town has his life now.

His room has almost no furniture bc he was only allowed to bring what he could fit in the Camaro. He bought himself the couch and his bed frame second hand once they arrived in town

The first time Billy saw Steve was in between classes. Billy walked into a classroom on his first day at Hawkins High, and Steve was talking with the teacher and looked like he was about to burst into tears, and Billy noticed he was holding a failed test, and kept talking about how hard he studied, and his only thought was that he wanted to hold Steve and kiss the sad look off his face, and it was like a block of ice settled in his gut. He hates himself for liking guys, and that’s the whole reason they had to leave California, and he can’t do that here, Neil would kill him this time. He resolves to be nothing but fucking aggressive to Steve if they ever cross paths again because he needs Steve to hate him. He doesn’t have the capacity to stay away from him, he needs Steve to want nothing to do with him.

Steve of course ruins everything by forgiving him and falling in love with him and generally looking Like That so really Billy never stood a fucking chance

Billy has called his dad “Dad” less than five times in his life. It’s always “sir” or he calls him “Neil” when referring to him behind his back

Billy knows the exact date and time his mom left and that whole day is always really shitty for him. He usually spends it in the middle of a bender so he doesn’t have to think or feel about it

Billy felt absolutely disgusted by the group of moms by the pool, but figured if he didn’t play into it, they would start to ask questions, and rumors circulating about him fucking married women were probably better than the rumors about him fucking guys soooo, swings and roundabouts.

Teaching swim lessons is actually one of his favorite things he’s ever done. He can connect with the kids and he likes that kids just speak their minds and are kinda weird sometimes. It was nice to focus on them, too, and not their mothers ogling him from the sidelines

He came out to his mom a week and a half before she left and he often wonders if that’s why

His dad is ex-military and his plan is for Billy to join up after high school. Billy’s plan is to run away before then.

So, here they are. A lot of them kinda deal with the same stuff, but basically, yes.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 13/02/2021 (Digga D, AJ Tracey, Cardi B)

It’s not as big of a week as it is just a confusing one, so there’s no pre-amble. Olivia Rodrigo spends a fifth week at #1 with “drivers license” and let’s start REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Rundown

I started writing this a bit later than usual so I just want to rush through most of what’s here. The songs dropping out of the UK Top 75 are either debuts from not long ago like “Notorious” by Bugzy Malone featuring Chip and “Lo Vas A Olvidar” by Billie Eilish and ROSALÍA, or songs that have been here for a while, like “Monster”  by Shawn Mendes and Justin Bieber, “Holy” by Justin Bieber featuring Chance the Rapper and “Dynamite” by BTS. We even have some #1 hits dropping out of the Top 75 this week, like “Dreams” by Fleetwood Mac, “WAP” by Cardi B featuring Megan Thee Stallion and “Shallow” by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper. In terms of fallers, we have, seemingly, some of the older Winter cuts being replaced, as we see “Sweet Melody” by Little Mix getting a harsh streaming cut down to #30,  “Whoopty” by CJ down to #33, “Levitating” by Dua Lipa and remixed by DaBaby down to #34 (although this could rebound given the album release), “you broke me first” by Tate McRae at #37, “SO DONE” by The Kid YAOI at #57, “All I Want” by Olivia Rodrigo at #61, “Looking for Me” by Diplo, Paul Woodford and Kareen Lomax at #62, “Train Wreck” by James Arthur at #63, “See Nobody” by Wes Nelson and Hardy Caprio at #64, “Take You Dancing” by Jason Derulo at #65, “Therefore I Am” by Billie Eilish at #68, “Before You Go” by Lewis Capaldi at #72 and “Golden” by Harry Styles at #73, as well as some more recent debuts, including the entirety of Fredo’s album impact from last week, as “Money Talks” with Dave is at #11, “Ready” with Summer Walker at #31 and “Burner on Deck” with Young Adz and the late Pop Smoke at #32. “Skin” by Sabrina Carpenter and “Apricots”  by Bicep aren’t faring that well either, at #51 and #56 respectively. When I said these songs are being replaced, I wasn’t overestimating anything as we have our new crop of hits seemingly all surging, as “Martin & Gina” by Polo G is at #54, “Be the One” by Rudimental, MORGAN, TIKE and Digga D is at #49, “Best Friend” by Saweetie featuring Doja Cat is at #42, “My Head & My Heart” by Ava Max is at #35, “Love Not War (The Tampa Beat)” by Jason Derulo and Nuka is at #27, “Heat Waves” by Glass Animals is at #24, “Your Love (9PM)” by ATB, Topic and A7S is at #23 (it’s honestly starting to grow on me), and “Blinding Lights” by the Weeknd is somehow back up to #20. Speaking of the top 20, we also have “Friday” by Riton, Nightcrawlers and Musafa & Hypeman dopamine re-editing itself up to #16, “Save Your Tears” also by the Weeknd at #15, and two new top 10 hits, both songs with basically the same chart run and genre. “Goosebumps” by Travis Scott, remixed by HVME, remixed by Travis Scott is at #10, becoming HVME’s first and Travis’ fourth top 10 hit here in Britain. We also have “The Business” by Tiesto grooving up to #7, becoming Tiesto’s fourth top 10 hit. I honestly feel bad for the still completely uncredited vocalist. We also have a third new top 10 entry but that’s a debut that we can discuss later. I should also note that “Roses” by SAINt JHN and remixed by Imanbek is back at #74, and a winning Eurovision song, “Arcade”, by Dutch singer Duncan Lawrence is also back at #39 off of the back of some TikTok traction. I think this is the most streamed Eurovision now – I’d watch out for this being a big hit. Welp, time to get into our really, and I mean REALLY, varied and weird crop of new arrivals, starting with...

NEW ARRIVALS

#75 – “Roadtrip” – Dream and PmBata

Produced by Banrisk and Perish Beats

Okay, so this is a song by Minecraft YouTuber Dream, or at least that’s who I think he is. I think there was some kind of scandal related to him, and a couple people got involved and someone got doxed... listen, I don’t care. Not only is this song really not worthy of reviewing on the principle that unlike Wilbur Soot a couple weeks ago, Dream has never been a musician, which is clear from how involved no-name singer PmBata was in this, but I care for my private information not being made public so... What ridiculous excuse do I have to not review this? Okay, 1997 reggae-rock classic “Doin’ Time” by Sublime returns to #75 after Boris Johnson made a TikTok in the Houses of Parliament where he says “Pogchamp, Brexiteers, I just got tested for COVID-19” with the song in the background, and Joe Biden is on a Zoom call with him a few seconds later visibly annoyed because he prefers the New Radicals. Sure, let’s go with that. What was this entry about again?

#71 – “Goodbye” – Imanbek and Goodboys

Produced by Joris Mur, Imanbek and Goodboys

Everyone’s favourite Kazakh house producer Imanbek is finally back on the charts with his collaboration with British pop trio Goodboys, who you may know from their carbon-copy hits made with MEDUZA. After listening to that EP he made with Rita Ora, I’m slightly less impressed with Imanbek’s production, but that EP’s impact, if any, will be seen when the lead single featuring David Guetta and Gunna debuts low next week. Yes, seriously, all four on the same track. Anyway, this song, “Goodbye”, is actually pretty okay, with a generic deep house groove and fake hand-clap effectively saved by the Goodboys’ really intriguing vocal delivery and processing, which ends up in a Travis Scott-like Auto-Tune harmony that’s honestly pretty endearing right before the anti-climactic slap-house drop. The song’s lyrical content probably isn’t worth talking about, but it’s about a generic struggle with a break-up, and how hard it is for one of these good boys to say good bye. The build-up with the pre-chorus before the blue-balls second drop is kind of genius, and that’s probably my favourite part of the song outside of the abrupt vocaloid drop at the end. For what it’s worth, it takes more risks than most of these house-pop songs, most notably by having only a single verse in the middle of the song, and being really short, clocking in at less than two and a half minutes. It’s not as infectious as “Piece of Your Heart”, but this is fine. I’m glad it’s here if it’s going to give Imanbek another non-Rita Ora-assisted hit.

#60 – “Little Bit of Love” – Tom Grennan

Produced by Jamie Scott, LOSTBOY and Daniel Bryer

Tom Grennan is an English singer-songwriter who released their debut record in 2016 and was crowned by the BBC as the “Sound of 2017”, before dropping off the face of the Earth. He was brought to fame by a guest feature on a Chase & Status song that didn’t even do that well and now he’s back with the lead single from his upcoming sophomore effort, and his highest ever charting song. Well, is it any good? I mean, I like OneRepublic too. The rising strings here in the intro and chorus are pretty cool, and I’ll give it to Grennan for having an interesting voice but the odd level of grit in it does not fit well for this plastic production, which quickly devolves into vaguely danceable synth-mess that’s just not interesting. The content is mostly about unconditional love, particularly one that feels not particularly reciprocated, although some of the detail in the second verse feels like it’s going somewhere. I’ll admit, the chorus is catchy, but this mix puts way too much emphasis on a flawed vocal take from Grennan, which really detracts from the pathetic excuse for a bridge. I do enjoy how this feels like a flash-back to the mid-2010s, where happier, synth-based pop was this prominent, and I do love how the strings come back in the outro, but good production can’t do much to save a song that just feels under-cooked and definitely under-written. The OneRepublic comparison feels particularly fitting here too because their stuff tends to be just as stagnant, not to mention the lyrical riffs off of “Counting Stars”. I mean, when you start your first verse – in the first 10 or so seconds of the track – with the most recognisable part of a very recognisable song, I think Ryan Tedder deserves at least some royalties.

#58 – “Astronaut in the Ocean” – Masked Wolf

Produced by Tyron Hapi

Masked Wolf is an Australian singer and this song is actually from June 2019, just gaining enough traction, presumably off of TikTok, to debut on the charts this week. The song got a 2021 reissue and I assume a remix and, well... for God’s sake. The Kid LAROI should not have been an entry point for Australian trap, because outside of a second or two of distortion in the intro, this is far from unique. It has a guitar-based trap instrumental with dark 808s that even Gunna would pass up on, and an Auto-Tuned delivery from Masked Wolf, clearly trying too hard to replicate Drake in the intro and bridge, Kid Cudi in the chorus, G-Eazy in the first verse, Eminem AND Kendrick on the second verse, to the point where he even directly references Kendrick Lamar’s much better music. He suffers from the same problems as all of these artists combined, with lyrics that seem like they’re building up off of something interesting about depression before going into aimless flexing like a mid-tier Kid Cudi track, flows that sound as meandering and checked-out as Drake’s, the failed attempt at some kind of white-boy swagger that G-Eazy hasn’t pulled off successfully since 2016, the substance-less content hidden behind fast flows from Eminem and... oh, my God, this guy’s just like Australian Logic. I don’t like American Logic, why do we need this guy too? Yeah, this is bad, and there’s not much worth nitpicking in this mix or even the lyrics to even point out. I guess the worst bar is when he says he believes in G-O-D but not a T-H-O-T. So he’s a slut-shaming NF now? Jesus Christ, I’d take a full album from The Kid LAROI over this.

So the next two songs are ones I’ll actually need to somewhat lump together, as they are consecutive on the chart and both from the same album, and the same washed-up band.

#53 – “Waiting on a War” – Foo Fighters

Produced by Greg Kurstin

We have two songs from Dave Grohl and friends here from their latest album, Medicine at Midnight, technically three if we count the entire top 100, which means, yes, the UK just had a Foo Fighters album bomb. I’ll focus on the album as a whole with the next song because this is easily the worse track here and the worst track on the album purely out of how misguided it is. Dave Grohl wrote this song because he felt inspired by the current hell-scape of the political climate, reminding him of his own youth when he was surrounded by rising Cold War tensions. His young daughter asked him if there was going to be a war and naturally this song came out of it, reflecting on the fears he and his daughter have and that everyone deserves a future and a lifetime not taken away from them by conflict and fear. This is a good song idea but it absolutely does not work, and that’s partially down to the production. When I first heard this track on the album, I genuinely grimaced at the vocoder-mumble that Grohl takes on against the scratchy acoustic guitars. The whole point of the instrumentation is that it builds tension with rising strings, multi-tracked acoustics and eventually some electric guitars and powerful drums, yet because of how slow-paced the song is, it fails to mirror the rising tension of the prospect of there being a war. Instead, it’s a slog and its pay-off by the end feels unwarranted in the most boring way. Sure, the squeals of the guitars in the back of the mix sound good, but surely a song like this should not end like any of the Foo Fighters’ other pop-rock anthems, especially not as abruptly as it does. Wouldn’t you want a more subdued outro to comfort your daughter’s fears that at least right now, everything’s okay? That would make the most sense to me, but that’s thrown out of the window, with pathetic songwriting, with verses that play word association with the blandest of rhymes, seemingly irrelevant pop-song-generator filer and a chorus that is mind-numbingly repetitive but ultimately fails to build tension because of the content asking us to wait, constantly, even when it gets into its heavier rock tone. We’re supposed to wait for something that is only implied to never come, because there isn’t finality. Sure, that could work as a way of saying that Grohl is just as uncertain and scared as his daughter is about political conflict, but that would imply this song gives off any further emotion than the fact the Foo Fighters felt the need to cut a vaguely political track out of necessity. As a song, and as an album, Dave Grohl is utterly confused, and “Waiting on a War” is way too slow and non-specific to act as a protest song, as well as being way too on-the-nose for it to work as a ballad. Let’s talk about this next single.

#52 – “Making a Fire” – Foo Fighters

Produced by Greg Kurstin

What the hell is Greg Kurstin doing here? This is the first track on the album and is supposed to make some kind of gripping impact but is instead just a snoozefest. The choral female vocals sound bored, but at least it’s not as strained as the struggling Dave Grohl trying and failing to yelp over a stiff groove which has its momentum killed by drumming too slow and mixed too oddly to make this pre-chorus even coherent, not helped by Grohl’s butt-rock delivery and non-descript lyrics. There could be a guitar solo here, to make this track feel memorable, but no, it’s hidden under a pre-chorus with an extended gospel bridge that doesn’t build up effectively to a chorus that just comes crashing in and hence has no effect. Maybe I just can’t listen to arena  rock in a quarantine context, but I can’t even imagine this making much of a fuss in a packed stadium without desperately needing tweaks in the songwriting and especially the production, because this just sounds stunted. It’s telling that Grohl made his best tracks as the Foo Fighters on his own and those first two records, alongside a pretty decent 2014 comeback in the form of Sonic Highways, are still great. I’m not denying that Grohl can write a good song, or that the Food Figures can’t play, because they’re all talented guys. This is just one album in many that leaves me with the feeling that these guys just can’t do much more outside of their comfort zone than fail miserably. These songs won’t stick around, and thank God for that.

#50 – “Believe Me” – Navos

Produced by Tom Demac and Navos

Another week, another... okay, but we already had a generic pop-infused deep house track from a couple EDM randos, do we really need another? Okay, well, this one is even less interesting than Imanbek’s effort as it doesn’t even try for a verse, instead going for a deep house groove I’ve heard countless times before, drowned out by some square synths and, yes, you guessed it, 90s piano loops and an uncredited female vocalist repeating basically the same couple lines over and over. This is made for the clubs, but I feel like even regular club-goers would tire of this vocaloid drop and cloudy production two minutes in. There’s nothing worth discussing here, because this probably took as many minutes to make as it did to listen to. I have no idea why Navos debuts a song so high, but I’ve got to assume TikTok’s to blame. Apparently this guy makes tech house, where’d any of that skill or intrigue go here?

#21 – “Up” – Cardi B

Produced by Sean Island, DJ SwanQo and Yung Dza

Anyone else surprised at how such a big name gets production from people I’ve never heard of before? Not that it matters, it’s just odd. Anyways, this is Cardi’s new single, presumably from that ever-elusive second album, debuting around 20 spots lower than it will in the US, and it’s going for a more gangsta-rap content than the hyper-sexual “WAP”, but does she keep the same energy? Well, yes... in fact, after all the mediocrity, I’m glad to have a genuinely great song debut this week. This is a great, bass-heavy beat that gives a Memphis phonk feel in the dark keys as well as the hard-hitting 808s and spacey percs and sound effects that add some needed distortion, even if there’s going to be some brief clipping along the way. Cardi brings some necessary energy from the brilliant opening lyrics and continues with a fast-paced, chanting flow that accentuates some of her funnier lyrics with her charisma that she always brings to a trap track like this. I’d say that this is maybe too repetitive – with very little of the verses to speak of – or even somewhat derivative of her previous song, “Money”, but there’s a lot better lyrical content in this one, not to mention how well she complements a more straight-forward but still killer beat. Oh, yeah, and Cardi’s stacks are Shaq-height as she dismisses haters with an impressive level of swagger and confidence, that carries the refrain, but that’s not to say the lyrics aren’t really great in the verses. There’s genuinely funny and sexy wordplay here, especially in the second verse, and also some great liners: “hoes speakin’ cap-anese”, accusing her haters of having pink-eye and their breath smelling like “horse sex”. This is a short, probably underdeveloped song, but it’s the type of surreal, high-energy trap I kind of really love and I hope this sticks around further in the UK.

#19 – “Latest Trends” – A1 x J1

Produced by ShoBeatz

A1 x J1 are a British rap duo with no other songs. Yeah, something’s fishy here: this is their only song on Spotify that blew up from a 15-second clip on TikTok, and their Spotify bio is trying to decide whether they’re the next D-Block Europe or the Beatles, as well as really emphasising how the song grew “all organically”, even though they’re already signed to Universal... yeah, there’s nothing subtle here, so I won’t buy this TikTok fame schtick, but does it matter when the song is good? Well, not really, and honestly, I’m kind of into this guitar-based drill-R&B fusion in the beat, but it doesn’t really help the fact that J1’s Stormzy impression is janky and unconvincing, especially if he’s going to try for some shallow wordplay, and that A1’s Auto-Tuned croon is just boring, reminding me a lot of A Boogie wit da Hoodie, but with a less recognisable voice and delivery, even if the first verse contains a funny line about a woman making that ass clap “for the NHS”, although he totally took that from Swarmz anyway. Yeah, I’m not a fan of this fake attempt at an organic pop-drill crossover, but unfortunately, I can very much see this working, though I’d be happy if the British public will see through this dishonesty as soon as possible.

#5 – “Bringing it Back” – Digga D and AJ Tracey

Produced by TheElements and AoD

Now for a rap duo that makes more sense to debut this high and are actually, you know, separately successful rappers, therefore they debut in the top five, which is impressive. The whole concept of this song is that Digga D and AJ Tracey are using old flows, those that would be nostalgic to their deeper fan base, to spit bars on a new track called, fittingly “Bringing it Back”. The flow AJ Tracey brings back is from his overlong “Packages” freestyle, a five-minute track from 2016, that works more as a freestyle than it does as a song, where he uses a familiar UK drill flow to go off for a really long time, and, yes, it is pretty impressive but the flow becomes stale too quickly. Digga D uses his flow from his “Next Up?” freestyle from 2017, a similarly badly-mixed UK drill freestyle but with a much more palatable length. Digga D’s flow he uses in that track is arguably slicker but honestly one that I see used a lot in UK drill and by Digga D, so I’m not sure it’s not worth “bringing it back” when you could come up with a new, catchier flow. I’ll admit that “Bringing it Back”, however, is a pretty damn good song, with Digga D’s more technical and fluid flow allowing for a lot more intricate internal rhymes that sound really great over the triumphant, string-heavy drill beat, as he trades bars with AJ Tracey’s slower but more confident, laid-back flow, which allows him to spit some more specific, interesting bars, some of which really hit, like when he says he “locked up the food for the kids like Boris and then I let it go like Rashford”. Hey, I respect it, I haven’t heard a more clever way of intertwining political commentary with cocaine smuggling since Pusha T last released a record. The way AJ Tracey and Digga D play off of each other’s lines is really smooth, and especially how Digga D plays with the beat, as while his lyrics may be less interesting, they mash perfectly with the beat’s frantic fades in and out, especially in his last lines before the first chorus, where he asks for the track to literally be turned off... and it is. So, yeah, I’m pretty damn happy with this debuting so high off the energy alone, even if Digga D is going to pronounce “LOL” like a one-syllable word. I’d say this is actually a really good starting point for people who want to get into more UK drill because it has a lot of the grit and menace of the genre in a more accessible, catchy form, even if it may run a bit too long for my taste.

Conclusion

Wow, what a weird, weird week... and a lot of it was straight garbage. I’m giving Best of the Week to “Up” by Cardi B, with an Honourable Mention to Digga D and AJ Tracey for “Bringing it Back”, though Worst of the Week is pretty much a toss-up. I’ll give it to the Foo Fighters for “Waiting on a War”, with a Dishonourable Mention tied between “Astronaut in the Ocean” by Masked Wolf and “Believe Me” by Navos for just both being worthless. Anyways, here’s our top 10:

The UK Singles Chart is honestly kind of chaotic right now – even more so than usual – and I don’t see that changing. Even if I don’t like all of the songs, it’s at least compelling. Anyways, thank you for reading and you can follow me @cactusinthebank on Twitter if you want. I can’t really make any predictions for next week other than Taylor Swift re-recording her own music and I guess some impact from Rita Ora and Imanbek, or hopefully, slowthai. Regardless of what happens, I’ll see you next week!

[amazingphanisnotonfire-imagines]

Steve//this moment will just be another story someday

hi! based off this song. we have a bi reader because i wanted it soooo. and i know it’s the middle of march but i don’t care because i worked hard on this and i’m sad. ps, if that song finishes before you’ve read all of this (or if you just want to listen to something else), i suggest listening to this 

The 4th of July is supposed to be a happy holiday celebrated by most of the American population. Fireworks are enjoyed by families, barbecues are frequented by friends and carnivals come into town to be enjoyed by everyone. Everyone is happy to be celebrating their independence, even though they were awarded it years ago, and even though the majority of Americans don’t really have their independence, they just pretend they do. 

However, in the dingy bar that Steve is sat in, the 4th of July feels like a foreign holiday. The place is barely lit, the only light source coming from a few overhead lights and the occasional end of a cigarette. The few people scattered around the place look like they either did all the partying when they were about 40 years younger, or they’re too drunk to celebrate. In some cases its both. The fireworks outside sound more like gunshots to Steve as he nurses his drink that he’s been staring at for the past hour. Despite the hot July weather of San Francisco, Steve feels cold, a chill finding its way up his spine as he looks at the clock. 11:23pm...at least there’s not long left of this dreaded holiday. 

When he was younger he used to love July 4th. All his cousins would come visit him and for a day he wouldn’t feel so alone in that big house. His father would actually acknowledge his presence, showing off what little accomplishments he’d achieved over the year in order to make the other adults jealous. And his mom would always let him have a sparkler once the sun had set. Usually his dad had gone to bed by then so it would just be him and his mom in the back garden, drawing patterns and writing words into the night sky. 

However, after the events of last years 4th of July, he has a feeling he’s never going to enjoy it again. 

He sighs and downs the last of his drink, ordering another from the old man at the bar who’s watching out the only window in the whole place. He nods and gives him a re-fill before sitting back on his stool. 

Steve starts to think about what he’d be doing right now if last year had gone different. If there had never been Russians under the mall, if he hadn’t fought for his life yet again. Would he still be in Hawkins? Working with Robin? Babysitting the party despite their protests of how ‘We’re too old for a babysitter’ and ‘You can just say we’re your friends’. 

Would his father still be disappointed in him? Something he’s grown used to over the years. Or would he have gone to work for him to make him just a little prouder. Maybe if it weren’t for all this demogorgon shit, he might have actually got into a college. Wait...no he wouldn’t have. Like his father said ‘the only sad excuse you have for this mess is yourself’. 

Maybe his mother would still look at him like he was her son and not a stranger. Who knows. But he sure as hell knows he’s been a lot happier here the other 313 days he’s been finding a new life for himself in San Francisco.

313.

It hasn’t seemed that long until he’s thought about it. He lasted 52 days after the events of Starcourt before it got too much. Too much had happened in that small town. The people he cared about had been hurt. The people he didn’t, had know clue. Taking their little lives for granted. He needed to get out. So he sold the majority of his stuff, used the savings he’d been clever enough to hide (thanks to Robin), packed his bag and drove. He drove without looking back. Well, he did three times. 

First he went to see Robin. To of course say goodbye, to tell her to be safe and if she needed anything to call him. He’d managed to find a cramped apartment in a semi-decent neighborhood before he left, so he scribbled the number down on a leftover napkin she’d brought home one day after a shift at Scoops and he smiled at the irony of the situation. 

Second he went to see Dustin. His mom was not pleased about being woken up in the middle of the night but when she say the pleading in his eyes she let him in. Too nice to have refused him anyway. She liked Steve, he was a good influence of Dustin. Dustin walked out into the living room sleepily after being woken by his mom. He rubbed his eyes as he rounded the corner, although as soon as he saw Steve he was wide awake. Steve explained what he was doing and how sorry he was that he was leaving but of course he understood. Was he upset? Definitely. But did he understand? More than anyone. So Steve also scribbled his new number down and passed it to him, along with a can of Farrah Fawcett spray, and when Mrs Henderson wasn’t looking he slipped him his nailed baseball bat out of his duffel bag. 

The third place he went was a surprise to himself. He didn’t know he was going there until he found himself parked outside. Hawkins Cemetery. The gates were closed but you could always jump over the fence round the back, thats usually how the weird kids got in so they could drink and try to talk to the dead. He navigated his way through the dark and three years ago he would have been silently shitting himself, however after all the stuff he’d saw there was nothing that really scared him anymore. He walked for a few minutes before finding his destination. 

‘Barbara Holland. 

In memory of our beloved daughter. 

She will not be forgotten.’

Steve’s fingers traced over the top of the gravestone delicately. The cold stone doesn’t affect him as he seems to get lost in his thoughts. He hadn’t been the best person to her. Laughed at her behind her back. Made snide comments in front of her face. He’d been an ass to her. And then she died in his pool, when everyone else was too busy trying to keep their popularity. She’d been forgotten, taken to the upside down where she would have stayed forever. She deserved more than that. And she deserves more than this. He places a single purple Hyacinth on her grave before shoving his hands in his pockets and walking away. 

He’s almost out of the graveyard when he spots something out of the corner of his eyes. The grave is fresher than the others, and its smaller, shoved right in the corner of the yard and he already knows who it belongs to before he gets there. 

‘Billy Hargrove 

Son. Brother. Friend’

Its a stark difference to Barbs, and just the sight of it makes Steve chuckle bitterly. He remembers overhearing Max telling the rest of the party during the wake that her and Susan had to persuade Neil into putting something more on that just his name. Yeah, Billy was a dick, but he deserved better. He deserved the chance at redemption. To become a better person and to prove his father and everyone else in his life wrong. He picks a few daisies from beside the grave and places them delicately on top of the stone. “See you later Hargrove.” He mumbles and he swears he can hear him laughing somewhere in the distance before he returns to his car and starts the long drive. 

“A little lost there?” Its like he’s just been woken up from a fever dream. A minute ago he was sat alone at the bar, and now there’s a woman around his age with y/h/c and bright y/e/c, staring at him like he holds all the secrets of the universe. 

“Huh?” He blinks at her, and three years ago he would have cursed himself for such a lame openly line, especially to a girl this pretty. But right now, he could be talking to Phoebe Cates herself and he wouldn’t give a damn. He just wants to be left alone to be sad and wallow in self pity about how awfull his life has turned out. 

“You looked kinda lost in your thoughts. You okay?” The girl asks, placing a delicate hand on his arm. 

“Yeah.” He shrugs her off. “Fine.” 

“You sure?” She asks and hands him a napkin, he stares at her blankly and she pushes it further towards him. “You look like you’ve been crying.” 

“Oh.” He quickly takes it from her and dabs at his eyes before scrunching it up and shoving it in his pocket. “Thanks.” He glances at her and forces a half smile before looking back at his drink. 

“I see you’re quite the talker.” You tease and sit beside him. He huffs in annoyance, but it doesn’t really seem to dampen your mood. Instead you call for the barman and ask for a drink, as well as whatever your ‘chatty’ friend wants, which after a few seconds figures is him. “So?” You ask once your drinks have been placed in front of you. “Thanks Billy.” You smile and his head rises. “Oooo, now we’re getting somewhere!” You do a little excited wiggle as you sip your drink and he looks at you bored. “Okay, so you either are a Billy.” 

“Pfft.” He scoffs and your eyebrows raise. 

“Okay. So you know a Billy.” 

“Knew.” He corrects. “I knew a Billy.” 

“Oh.” You frown and think for a few seconds. “So, were you friends and you left? Because you don’t sound like you’re from here.” 

“We weren’t friends, but yes I did leave.” 

“Where are you from? Wait!” You shush him before he even has a chance to answer, your finger is over his lips and he’s staring at you annoyed, but you don’t seem to care. “Okay, say something.” 

“I can’t.” His voice is muffled and you smile awkwardly before removing your finger, wiping it on his shirt. 

“Now say something.” 

“I’m from Hawkins, Indiana.” 

“Well, not that. But okay.” You roll your eyes. “Hey, isn’t that were all that freaky shit went down.” 

“Yep.” He grumbles and downs the rest of his first drink. 

“Cool.” You shrug. He mumbles something under his breath that you can’t quite catch but you decide to let it go. “So about this Billy guy? Friend? Lover?” Your voice gets quieter and he stares at you shocked. “Oh come on. You can tell me, this is San Francis-” 

“He’s dead.” 

“Oh.” 

“Happy now?” 

“Well, you see no. The death of people doesn’t really make me that happy. No matter if I knew them or not.” 

“Well sorry to disappoint you.” He huffs. 

“You know you can talk to me right?” 

“Why would I want to do that? You’re a complete stranger.” 

“Because sometimes talking to a stranger is the best thing. They don’t know you so they can’t judge you. All they can do is listen and sometimes give advice.” You reply and he stares at you stunned. “Plus, I have some time to kill, and I can’t imagine you have anything better to do, otherwise you wouldn’t be sat in here alone.” 

“Okay.” He nods. “I’m gonna tell you a story.” 

“Ooooo!” You grab your drink and get comfy. “What’s it about?” 

“A boy and a girl.” 

“Awwww.” 

“Not like that.” He cuts you off, effectively shutting you down. “Its kind or short, and kind of boring.” 

“Well, you’re really selling it.” You huff. “Is the ending at least good?” 

“Oh, its a whirl.” He replies and you can sense the sarcasm dripping off his statement. 

He stops for a moment to really think about what he’s going to do. He’s going to tell a complete stranger all the reasons he decided to move. He’s obviously not going to tell you everything, but still. And why was he being so mean? He’s tried for over three years to be a nice person, to get rid of the persona he carried around with him during high school, so why has it come back tonight? And why don’t you seem to care about how he’s treating you. And more importantly, who the hell are you? 

“Dude” You wave a hand in front of his face and he blinks before looking at you. “Your story?” 

“Oh, yeah. So they were just 16-ish, when I knew them. And people were so mean to both of them. The girl was bullied by assholes in school who had nothing better to do than bring people down to try and build themselves up.” 

“I hate people like that.” You spit.

“Yeah.” He nods, but refuses to make eye contact with you. “Me too.” 

“What about the boy? Who was mean to him? Was it the same people?” You ask, your eyes are wide with fear and Steve finds it quite endearing. He’s telling you about people you’ve never met before but you seem to care so much about them despite that. For all you know he could be making this shit up, but you still seem so invested. 

“No, the people, well person that was mean to him was closer to home.” 

“Who was it?” You lean towards him a little. 

“His dad.” 

“Dickhead.” 

“Yeahhh.” He agrees. 

“Well, what happened to them?” You ask. “Are they okay?” He almost doesn’t want to tell you. Or if he does, he wants to make up some bullshit about how they’re both happy, with people who love and appreciate them. Buts thats not how the world works, and maybe telling you that will be doing you a favour. You seem too happy. 

“No.” He shakes his head sadly. “They ended up not loving themselves, and now they’re gone.” 

“Gone how?” Your voice is quiet and unsure, and you’re not even sure you want to hear the answer. He looks at the sticky floor, taking a deep breath and he doesn’t even have to properly answer for you to know what he’s about to say. 

“Headstones on a lawn.” 

“Oh.” You sigh. “Did you know them well?” 

“Not as well as I should have.” There’s something else behind that statement. A huge amount of pain and grief is swirling behind his eyes, like a storm ready to destroy everything in its path. 

“What were their names?” 

“What will that do?” 

“They can’t be forgotten if people know their name. And I never forget a name...its my thing.” 

“Thats not a very good thing.” He replies and you see the hint of a smile hiding behind his frown. 

“Ouch.” You place a hand over your heart. “Whats your thing then? Wait!” You shush him again but this time he doesn’t seem to mind as much. “I bet in high school you did kegs!” You guess and he rolls his eyes. 

“Their names were Barbara Holland and Billy Hargrove.” He changes the subject and silence falls between the two of you. You vaguely recognized the names from the news. You remember your roommate saying something about knowing a girl called Heather that lived in the same town, apparently they’d been at summer camp once. They used to talk sometimes but after a while she stopped receiving letters. 

“Well, at least someone else knows about them. And I’m bound to tell someone about them. Like I said, I’m good with names...not so much keeping secrets so if you’ve met aliens or the bogeyman, don’t tell me.” You say, trying to lighten the mood and it seems to work a little. He chuckles softly and thats good enough for you, for now. “Anyway, that can’t be the end of the story.” 

“Why not?” He questions. 

“Because it was sad.” 

“What’s that got to do with anything?” 

“All stories end happily. If not, it just means you’re not at the end yet.” 

“Sure.” He raises and eyebrow. “But, if you must know, no, I’m not at the end. But believe me, this doesn’t end happily for anyone.” 

“Well then its not over yet.” You say quickly making him roll his eyes before taking a swig of his drink. 

“Back at home I know a boy and a boy.” 

“Riiiight.” You wiggle your eyebrows and he smiles softly. He thinks Robin would like you, you’re sweet and accepting and everything he wishes he could have been back home. 

“They were best friends with each other. Still are actually, despite some difficulties. But I always thought that at least one of them wanted more. They loved each other but never knew it.” He lowers his voice, the two of you are leaning into each other, your forehead’s practically touching. “I think they were always afraid of what people would say. Or even what the other would say. And now one of them has moved to a different state.”  

Your frown deepens as you stare at the floor, your feet swinging against the stool as you play with your hands. 

”That sucks.” 

“I told you it wasn’t happy.” 

“Well, then you’re not at the end of your story. And they’re not at the end of theirs. Love always catches up with you eventually. Thats just the way of the universe.” 

“Sure it is.” He scoffs. 

“Come on. I want a sequel!” Your drum your fingers against the bar while he stares at you. “Billy! Another round please.” 

“You haven’t even finished that one.” Steve replies and you quirk your eyebrows, a smirk appearing on your face before you stare right at him and down the rest of your drink. 

“Happy now?” 

��Well, you see no not really, because I’m not carrying you home.” 

“You’d be so lucky.” You tease and he giggles a little. “Come on.” You poke his arm. 

“Fine.” He throws his hands up. “The sequel. This one is about me and my friend.” 

“Ooo, yay! I want to know more about you mystery boy.” The nickname causes Steve’s cheeks to heat up and he’s kind of glad Robin isn’t here to tease him. “Now, is this friend a girl?” You rest your chin in your hand and he sighs dramatically, already knowing where you’re going with this. 

“Yes. But not like that.” Now he’s the one shushing you making you stare at him surprised. “I’m not her type.” 

“Okay.” You hold your hands up in defeat and he lower his finger, letting it drop to the bar. 

“Both our parents were evil.” 

“How?” You ask.

“My dad says I’m his biggest disappointment and my mom looks straight through me.” 

“I’m sorry.” You place a hand on his arm but this time he doesn’t shrug it off, he lets you keep it there for a few seconds. 

“Its fine. They’re both kind of right.” 

“I’m sure thats not true.” You start to disagree but he talks over you instead. 

“And my friends parents don’t agree with her lifestyle if you know what I mean?” 

“Yeahh. I get that.” You nod, and now its his turn to try and decipher your look. He also prays he hasn’t attracted another lesbian, as much as he loves and supports Robin, he doesn’t need another factor to add into the thought that maybe he isn’t destined to be loved. “I play for both teams if you want to know.” You whisper and he nods. 

“Cool. Whats that like?” 

“Not any different to ‘normal’.” You reply and he chuckles. “So you and you’re friend? Quick question, is she cute?” 

“Yes, she’s cute. And for a time I may have liked her.” 

“Ha!” You snort loudly and a bright blush creeps up your neck. 

“Do you want to know the rest of my story?” 

“Yes.” You stifle your laughter. “Please, go on.” 

“So, both of our parents were mean, so we made a bet. And if we worked and saved we cold run away to somewhere like here and we’d have a better life.” 

“And?” You smile brightly at him. 

“And?” 

“Did that happen? Are you meeting her here?” You look around the dark bar. 

“No.” He shakes his head. “I left early and she’s still there.” 

“Oh.” You sigh. “I’m sorry. Is she going to be coming here soon though?” 

“I don’t know.” He shakes his head. “Her parents are putting a lot of pressure on her to be everything but herself and sometimes I think she’s just going to give in. She’s been through so much and she’s so stubborn, but when I call her, she seems so broken and part of me thinks its because I left her alone.” 

“No.” You grab his hand. “Its not your fault. Listen, I don’t know her, and I don’t really know you but she’s going to be okay. She’s going to come to San Francisco...meet a cute girl.” You whisper the last bit and he smiles softly. “And you’re going to have a better life.” 

“And how do you know that?” 

“Because, like I said. You’re story isn’t over yet. Its just beginning. Kind of like a movie, and eventually everyone gets their happy end. Everyone does.” 

“Again, how do you know that?” 

“I don’t, not really. But if you don’t have hope then what’s the point. Just you wait and see.” 

“You’re idea of the world and my idea of the world are very different from each other.” He sighs. “Its not funny or pretty or sweet. Its full of assholes and monsters and shitty things.” 

“Maybe.” You nod. “But I like to see the good in the world. You just have to see the good...” 

“Steve.” 

“And we finally have a name!” You cheer. “Keep looking for the good Steve. You’ll find it eventually.” 

I think I’ve already found a bit. 

“This isn’t the end of your story. For all you know it could be the beginning. Now, what time is it?” 

“11:55?” He replies and relief washes over him. He’s made it through and nothing bad has happened. Not to him at least. And when he gets home he’s going to call the party, and Robin and maybe even his parents to see if they’re okay. But right now you’re talking to him and he has to tune back into the real world. “What?” 

“Do you want a sparkler?” You repeat your previous question just as Billy hands you some change. He blinks at you and your roll your eyes playfully before saying bye and then dragging him out of the dingy bar and into the bright street. 

Its empty, everyone is either with friends or family, in back gardens or at events. It seems everyone in the entire world has someone to celebrate with, everyone except him, and then he remembers. He’s not alone. Because you’re looking at him, a soft smile on your lips as you hand him a sparkler. 

“I do this every year.” You explain and light the end of his before doing the same to your own. “I write something that has pissed me off in the past year, and then when it disappears, its like I’ve let it go. Metaphorically of course. Its kind of like a second go at New Years, because lets face it, nobody is keeping their resolutions.” 

“Has that ever worked.” 

“No completely. But there’s always time...like I said, it’s not the end of the story yet.”

And while he stares at you writing whatever in the air, with a bright smile on your face, for the first time in a long time there’s a spark of hope. 

He thinks there could actually be a day when he enjoys July 4th again.

[doof-doofblog]

"You Know Better Than Anyone What You Need!"

Friday 18th December 2020

Hello again everyone! Hope your day is going well so far. Today I'm back with another blog, I feel there may be a hell of a lot to catch up on, but I will get there eventually! I want to thank you all being patient with me, it's crazy how life gets in the way sometimes. Anyway, let's get started with the review of Friday night's episode.

Another brilliant episode I have to say, and again, quite a lot to focus on! Firstly I'm going to start with the fun and happy part of the episode, which was Kim offering to help Honey find a "Bad Santa" for their Community Christmas Meal. From the sounds of it, everyone was willing to help out provide food for the occasion, but when Kim was kind dragged into it by her sister, she decided to take it upon herself to find a suitable Santa. Poor Honey, she didn't have the heart to decline her offer, so to keep Kim and everyone happy she went along with it.

Meanwhile as people are debating whether to audition for the part, Rainie suggests to her husband that it may be something to keep them occupied for the time being, especially since they're on edge and constantly looking behind their shoulders now they know DI Thompson is actually alive. Eventually, Rainie convinces Stuart to audition for the part as Santa! I loved the audition sequence, I personally thought Stuart was a great Santa (That is if he didn't choke on the glitter that Rainie threw all over him!) - I would've gone for him, personally! But Mitch and Billy also took part, poor Billy didn't even get a chance to do anything!! Whereas Mitch was a kind of a smooth talking, slick kind of Santa. But when Isaac decided to pop in, Kim almost give him a choice to audition, and to her and Karen's delight he obliged with a Santa strip tease, (Although I don't think Honey was impressed!) Much to their disappointment, Isaac rejects to being Santa, leaving Denise to persuade Kim to give the role to Mitch!

--

The second thing I'd like to focus on is Ben and the Panesar's! Since finding out that Suki has CCTV of himself leaving the Queen Vic around the time Ian was attacked, Ben has been very on edge. Even approaching his Dad for help, but it seems Phil couldn't help his son like he was hoping. Ben voices his concerns to Callum and worries that he could be sent to prison again, before Christmas! We know that Ben has sworn not to be Ian's attacker, and I actually do believe him, however the reason why he was at the pub remains to be seen. I am really looking forward to seeing Ben's story of that night revealed! He tells his boyfriend that he can't be sent back to prison and then it seems that he manages to have an idea. He rushes away and eventually he come face to face with Suki and Kheerat. He plays with them at first, saying how awful it would be for someone to be sent to prison for something they didn't do, to then having people he knows on the inside take care of something for him. Interestingly, he drops on the table a file of paperwork it looks like, he leaves the room leaving the Panesar's wondering what he was talking about. It's only when Kheerat looks at the file, that he realises that Ben is actually threatening to attack his brother, Jags, whilst in prison! The file reveals photos of his young brother, Suki all takes a look and it becomes clear to her that the Mitchell's are not ones to be messed with! She quickly grabs hold on the memory stick storing the CCTV footage of Ben and locks it in the safe, Kheerat watching her as she does so! You can see the look on Kheerat's face that he doesn't like the dirty game that his Mother is playing, he fears that she's going to be starting a war between themselves and the Mitchells!

Deep down, I do kind of feel that Kheerat fears his Mother, fears her in the sense that he doesn't want to get on the wrong side of her, she's already shopped one child to the police, what else is she capable of doing?! Also before even Ben enters the room, Suki mentions something along the lines of Kheerat not following orders, the police and Mitchell's wouldn't be bothering them if Kheerat had followed her orders, the big question I want to ask is - What were her orders?! What did she want her son to do?! Interestingly, Kheerat then decides to against his Mother and takes the memory stick from the safe, later on we see him waiting in the park for someone. Ben appears and approaches him and he's instructed to sit with him, Kheerat is adamant to Ben that he's nothing like his Mother, he simply passes him the memory stick with the CCTV on it. However, Ben questions his motives, why would he willingly just give it to him? It seems though that Kheerat wants Jags to be safe, in an attempt to save his brother, he gives up the memory stick, even promising to delete all other footage of Ben which might be stored in the laptop. Once Ben is satisfied, he walks away, putting the memory stick in his pocket. However Kheerat looks as if he's looking a lot more on his laptop and finds something even more interesting, he reaches for his phone and makes a call, informing the person on the other end of the line that they need to meet urgently.

The final moment we see Kheerat, he's sat in the Cafe waiting for someone's arrival. Peter walks in and approaches him, whispering to each other to not make much notice of people surrounding them. It's then that Kheerat turns the laptop around to show Peter what he's found, the only thing we know is that whatever Peter has seen, it must have something to do with him, because he said "He deserved it!" - what has Kheerat got over Peter? What is Peter referring to? Could it be something to do with Ian's attack?!  

--

The final thing I want to talk about is Mick, Linda, Katy and Max. Early on in the episode, Max visits Linda working in the laundrette, instantly he's acting flirtatious, complimenting how beautiful she looks in her work gear. She laughs at his failed flirtatious attempt, but then he informs her that he'll have the whole place to himself that night and wondered whether she'd like pop over during the evening. We know that they clearly have an attraction for one another - however, for Linda, I think it's the feeling of being wanted and being loved, as Mick has showed her no affection in recent weeks or months! - Max informs her that it would be nice to spend the whole evening together, she doesn't respond and watches him leave.

Whilst this is happening, Mick is at home when Katy visits once again, she questions how he's coping and apologises for the way she spoke about his son the previous day. Mick is thankful and accepts her apology, however I do feel that she's still playing with his mind, trying to control him maybe or even twist his thoughts. It's not long until Linda arrives home from and suddenly it's gives us all the big shock that she has finally come face-to-face with Katy, the woman who she has heard so much about in recent weeks! Part of me kind of hopes that over time, if she crosses paths with Katy again, she may be able to see the dark side of Katy and will figure out exactly what's going on with her husband. As they all gather together, Linda and Katy speak of how happy they are to finally meet one another, interestingly, Mick takes it upon himself to shower his wife with praise about being a good Mother and how the family would fall apart if it was without her. You can see that this is what Linda has been missing and how much those words mean to her, more importantly that they're coming from her husband. As she leaves to tidy Ollie's bedroom, Mick continues to compliment his wife, informing Katy that she's his world and how he'd be lost without her, however we can see that in the hallway Linda manages to overhear her husband's words, which leave a little smile on her face.

However, later on, after Katy has left and Mick and Linda are left on their own, Linda takes it upon herself to impress her husband by dressing up in a gorgeous, glamorous, off the shoulder dress. As she enters we can see that Mick is stunned by her beauty, she approaches her husband and thanks him for his kind words. At first Mick is speechless at his wife's appearance and gently they both lean in for a kiss - something which they both haven't done for such a long time, only as they lean in for a second longing kiss, Linda reaches for the waistline of her husband's jeans, desperately wanting to feel intimate with her husband, but he pulls away very suddenly. Linda panics as he pulls away, worrying that it's something she's done wrong, she becomes increasingly devastated by his rejection that she questions whether he still fancies her anymore, but all Mick can muster is "Stay away from me!" - obviously, these words hurt Linda to the very core. She really can't understand her husband right now, one minute he's complimenting her and being very loving and caring towards her, the next he's pushing her away!

As things progress, Mick is seen looking very teary as he stares into space, Linda has taken it upon herself to pack a bag and spend the night away from Mick, as she leaves they both look very teary and devastated that it's come to this. I do think though that deep down, Mick knows exactly where his wife is going, at that kills him inside, but also I think he realises that it's his fault that she's been driven away into another man's arms. Is this also something that he's struggling with? The fact that maybe he's to blame for his marriage failing?! If he would just talk to her, then who knows, things might be different?

Eventually Linda finds herself at Max's, of course! Max is surprised to see her on his doorstep, but as he invites her in, she starts to doubt herself and claims that she shouldn't be there. However Max convinces her to stay, informing her that there's no one else in the house. Again, he compliments her saying how beautiful and sexy she is and only she knows what she really wants and needs right now. Linda looks as if she can't hide her temptation anymore, she walks forward and instantly Max and Linda begin kissing one another. I personally, don't think Linda loves Max, of course she probably likes him as a friend, but the only reason she's doing this is simply because Mick has pushed her away and Max has showed her more affection than her husband has in recent weeks or months! After getting passionate, Max reaches for Linda's hand and leads her up the stairs.

I do feel devastated that this happened to the lovely Carter couple, I honestly never thought anything would come between them. But Mick really needs to start talking and seeking help, or come to terms with everything he's learned and come to realise. It looks as if Mick's mental state and emotional outbursts are tearing the Carter family apart, of course it is all down to Katy and it's so irritating that no one is aware of that yet!! I just hope it won't be too late until they actually realise what's going on in Mick's head! I know this is horrible to say, but I hope the Carter's find out what's wrong with Mick before Tina leaves. THAT would be devastating I fear!

Thank you all so so much for reading, I apologise this post is late. I hope you enjoy reading as much as I've enjoyed writing! Thank you all for your on-going support! I love you all xXx

[sweetfierceimagines]

Truth is everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.

Request by @finnofamerica, thank you so much !! 

Steve Harrington x Reader with some major Billy Hargrove involvement ! 

Summary : Reader is Billy’s sister, she usually gets in the way when he tries to beat people up, because she would rather get hurt than see anyone else in pain. She gets in the way when Billy wants to fight with Steve and he ends up locking her out. She has to find a place. Wink Wink. 

/ I’m currently writing the imagines I was requested before carrying on those I started ! I think it’ll be nice to carry on the two previous ones, right? Keep sending me requests, I'm dying for everything related to Stranger Things but not only !! / 

Warnings : violence, angst. 

* 

You don’t chose your family, right. You only have one, so take care of it. Y/N was Billy Hargrove’s little sister, blood related. She always had a very good relation with him, she understood and truly loved him, but lately, he became quite dark. He was the shadow of himself : violent, angry, he had no patience and didn’t care for anything else but his own instant pleasure. He always hated Max, as she was reminding him constantly that he was no longer living in a happy and loving family. Nevertheless, he always kept his angst away from Y/N. Until now. 

He would never willingly hit her, he never beat her up by choice, but she would get in the way, and sometimes she took a few punches on someone else’s behalf.  She couldn’t stand when Billy was getting violent for no reason, when he was beating up someone that stood no chance of winning. She hated when it was unfair and unjustified. Problem is, lately he was alway being unfair. 

It was Saturday, Y/N was driving to the arcade to pick Max up. She was late, very late, and Y/N though that Billy would have drove off a while ago. She parked and got out of the car, going in the building and looking everywhere for Max. She sighted, not finding her. 

- Hey! Y/N! If you’re looking for Mad Max she left with the kids and Hair Harrington about 10 minutes ago. 

- Thanks Keith, I appreciate it. You have any idea where they went? 

The man shook his head while eating chips, and he went back to his activities. Y/N went back to her car and sighted again, thinking about where they could have left. 

In the end, she decided to drive to each of the kids’ house. She started by Dustin, nope. Then Lucas, nope. Then Mike, nope. When she was parking in front of Will’s house, she started to really get pissed off. She was angry at Max for not waiting, for not thinking about her and Billy, but she would never act like her brother. She spotted Steve’s car and smiled, relieved. She got out, knocked at the door and was welcomed by Steve. 

- Steve, where is Max? 

The boy looked shocked, like he was expecting her to say hello and kiss him or something. He just opened the door and let her in. She stormed in, finding Max siting on the couch with Lucas by her side, casually chatting. When the girl met her eyes, she stood up and opened her mouth to say something, probably apologies, but Y/N stopped her by raising her hand. 

- Don’t. We’ll talk about it later, we have to go home. I can’t believe you do that same mistake each time Maxy, for real you know what it generated, don’t you? Come on, quickly now !! 

She barely looked at the others and headed toward the door, Max following her closely, when she heard some engines, apparently coming from someone driving fast and abruptly. 

- Shit. 

Y/N looked at Max, the kid panicking instantly, knowing that it was Billy and that he would not be bothered by the people around. 

- I’m so sorry Y/N, so sorry ! Please, don’t let him hurt them.. 

Y/N shook her head and paused, looking at the kids inside the house. Yep, they didn’t stand a chance, and honestly neither did Steve. They had to leave now, and drag him away from the group. 

- Ok, come with me. We’ll try not to make it public. 

She opened the door and went for her car, ignoring Billy almost running at them with an extremely angry face. She told Max to get in the car and not get out, and she opened the driver’s door, being instantly stopped by her brother. He shut the door violently, keeping his left hand on it and using the right one to turn her around. 

- Y/N, I swear this kid is challenging or something! You see it hu? You see it don’t you?!? She’s fucking trying to get me in trouble with dad! 

- Billy, I know how you feel. Look, let’s go back to the house and we’ll talk about it ok? I’ve told her already that she’s screwing up, let me handle this ok? Hey.. hey !! 

Billy was trying to listen, but he just couldn’t when he was looking in Max’s eyes and she would just look at him like he was a monster. SHE was the one late, right? SHE was the one not obeying the rules, right?? And every time SHE lied or got late, it was falling back on him, and he was NOT having it. He went for her door, opening it and dragging her out of the car. Y/N’s yells didn’t do anything. 

- Now, you shitty brat, you know what happens when you disobey?? You know it don’t you?? 

- Hey, Hargrove. Quit your drama would you? 

Y/N turned around, seing Steve walking toward them. There was one thing Billy hated more than Max, and it was Steve fucking Harrington. He let go of Max and walked to him. 

- What now King Harrington? I get it than you like to babysit them, that’s the only thing you’re sort of good at, but time’s out, fuck off. 

- No, I won’t. Seriously man, you’re going to hit a child? Really? That’s fucked up, I won’t let you. 

- You won’t let me? You won’t let me?? You don’t tell me what I can and can’t do Harrington! 

And on that he punched first, starting to unravel his anger on Steve’s face and body. At this point everyone was out, looking at them, unable to do anything. Max was terrified, screaming and looking for something to hit Billy with. But there was nothing. Y/N stopped yelling, and did the only thing she knew she could do : get in the way. She tried to push Billy back with no success, so she warned him, yelling that she would get in between. Somehow, Steve managed to stand up and he even gave a few punches himself. Y/N took the opportunity to get in between just has she warned, and instead of punching Steve’s face, he hit Y/N’s. The strength of it knocked her for a few seconds, but she stood still, staying there. 

- Y/N ! Get away, it’s not about you! 

- No! You don’t get to beat people up like that! Our family is a mess, everyone thinks we’re crazy, you’re not helping! I’m done with that, get yourself together!! 

- FUCK OFF Y/N! 

He raised his hand, threatening her, but she didn’t move. His face got more and more frightening, and she knew it would not end there, but as for now he went to his car and drove back to their house, probably risking to kill himself on the way. 

* 

- Maxy. Get in the car. I trust your friends with taking care of Steve.. and we’re both very sorry for everything. Please don’t encourage Max to be late again, ok? 

Nobody said anything and they both got back in the car. At some point, Y/N just changed her mind and got out of the car, Max following her. 

- Hey, could one of you have Max for the night? I think she would need a little pyjama party, what do you think love? 

Y/N smiled at the kid. Poor Max had always known this Billy, and it broke her heart to imagine that she would probably never get the loving brother she deserved. Max smiled, running in her harms and thanking her. She was shaking, Y/N holding her very tight to give her at least a bit of affection. Mike suggested to host the pyjamas party, saying he had a spear bed. Like that, Y/N drove back alone to the Hargrove house. The door was locked, and she had to bang for at least ten minutes to raise Billy’s attention. He opened, shirtless and clearly drunk. He scoffed and got out of the house, holding the keys in his hand. 

- Y/N, Y/N, Y/N...You know, I liked you, before. Now you just became a fucking brat like Max. She’s not even our sister !! She’s just causing trouble! She’s causing trouble to us both!! Why are you always standing by HER side, and NEVER MINE? 

- Billy, she is our sister, she’s not the reason why mom left ok, and dad is messed up, it’s not your fault! Or mine! Or HER’s!! Don’t you see? You’re acting just like him.. I know you’re better than that.. please be better than that.. 

- You’re NOT LISTENING ! You’re NEVER by my side.. you abandoned me.. Like them all.. You know what? Whatever, go with her, she’s your burden now. 

Just before closing the door he yelled, hurt apparent in his voice,

- And you’re not welcomed here tonight, fuck off. She’s not sleeping here, you’re not. 

He locked the door and left her standing here, night falling on the city. She went back to her car, looking for her wallet. She clearly didn’t have enough money to get a room, not even in the worst highway motel she knew. She didn’t want Max to worry, so she wouldn’t go to Mike’s. She was way too ashamed to ask the Wheelers for help. This didn’t leave many options. She sighted, starting to drive and stopped in front of Steve’s house. She got out, standing in front of the door. 

- Oh shit.. what the hell am I doing here? His parents probably know it’s all my brother’s doing.. Hi miss and mister Harrington, mind if I sleep at your place a couple hours after your son nearly got disfigured by my dear bro? I’m pathetic.. 

Y/N tried to walk back to her car, feeling helpless, when she heard the door open. Steve was standing there, his face bad but not as bad as she imagined. 

- Hey, Steve.. It’s a bit embarrassing but.. 

- Let me guess, Billy is a dick. He kicked you out, you don’t want to stress Max, you have nowhere to go? 

- That’s about it, yes. 

Steve smiled, and then started to laugh when he saw Y/N’s mortified face. 

- Come in, would you? 

Y/N couldn’t believe it. She got in the house, taking her shoes off not to mess anything up, and took off her coat. She shyly followed Steve who was getting in the kitchen. He pointed her a seat and took two plates, filling them with the meal he was preparing. 

- Wow, thanks.. I don’t know if I deserve that.

- You’re kidding me right? You stood up to him, you protected your sister, and you even protected me, Y/N. He punched you! You have a bruise, look at you.. so don’t you dare putting any guilt on your shoulders. It’s his fault ok? You’re not responsible for his doing. And you’ve been very courageous. 

He smiled softly and tried to wink, his swollen eye reacting and making him wince in pain. Y/N couldn’t help but laugh, and she looked at him with a sweet smile. 

- Never knew you were a kind boy Harrington, guess it’s surprises’ day today. 

He pretended to bow down and laughed a bit. They ate, talking about how Billy had become so violent, Steve not believing that he actually used to being sweet and loving to her. She told him about their life in California, about how they did every prank on earth together, and how shitty his father made him. They talked a bit about Steve too, his family being messed up in another way. At some point Steve looked at the clock and stood up. 

- Man! It’s 1am, we’ve talked for hours.. 

Y/N smiled to herself, looking at him taking the plates, cleaning the kitchen up and being careful toward her, asking if she wanted to drink something, to get dessert or to make a call. She kindly refused and yawned. 

- Actually, if you don’t mind I would love to go to sleep.. 

- Oh yeah! Of course! My parents are not there but they literally locked their door, that’s how much they trust me.. Hum.. you know what, I'll just sleep on the couch and you take my room, ok? 

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows and strongly shook her head. 

- No ! You’re serious? You might have broken bones, YOU sleep in your bed and me on the couch, I'm lucky you’re even letting me in. 

- No, no no no no, you’re my guest! 

- Steve, for real.. 

Steve made a few steps, holding Y/N by her shoulders and looked at her in the eyes, trying to convince her. 

- There’s no way! You took a fucking PUNCH for me Y/N.. I can’t stand that he got violent toward you, and even less to protect me.. Please, please let me repay you with my damn bed.. 

Y/N understood that Steve really cared about that, that he was feeling extra grateful toward her, and consequently guilty. She nodded and put a hand on his torso, slowly drawing circles to calm him down. 

- Ok Harrington. We have a deal. We both sleep in this bed of yours so no-one get’s to break his or her back, good? Good! 

She didn’t give him any time to react and walked to what she guessed was his bedroom. She looked around, scanning the place and going in the bathroom to look at her face. She took an aid kit to disinfect her little wound and went back to the room, sitting on the bed next to Steve. By reflex she started to take care of his face, knowing exactly what to do. Billy had always been a stubborn and bold kid, and he used to hurting himself all the time. Steve was wincing, causing Y/N to smile and even laugh a little. 

- Oh, come on, that can’t be that bad.. 

- Oh, really? 

Steve took some alcohol on a cotton ball and patted her wound, her reaction instant as she let out a squeal. Steve burst out laughing, falling on the bed. Y/N laughed a bit and gently kicked him, pretending she was getting irritated. 

- That was just a reflex! I don’t like to get touched out of nowhere like that ! 

She realized the double meaning of her sentence and stood up, the proximity on the bed suddenly feeling a bit too much. Steve got up a little, holding himself by his elbows and tried a seducing look. 

- Maybe next time I'll warn you then. 

And he winked again, laughing a bit. Truth is he pretended It was sarcasm, when it was all he ever wanted since she got to that city. He stood up and took an old oversize shirt from his wardrobe. 

- I don’t think I have any pants that would fit you.. This is the most appropriate thing I have. I’ll take a quick shower ok? You can take one too. 

Y/N lied on the bed, looking at the ceiling and trying to get herself together. 

- Hey.. Y/N? 

Y/N opened her eyes and stood up quickly, apologizing in reflex. Steve smiled and stood up too, explaining that she fell asleep while he was taking his shower and that he’d rather wake her up now so she could take a relaxing shower before bed. She nodded and went to the bathroom. As she was about to close the door she stopped and glanced at Steve. He though the door was closed already and was looking for a pyjama. He threw a few on his bed, apparently not pleased with the designs. She heard him mumble some “no, that’s not nice.. what the hell, I can’t wear that right? God, she’s going to think I'm a baby..”. She covered her mouth so he couldn’t hear her laugh, and though to herself it was the cutest thing ever. In the end he opted for shorts and a white shirt, loosing down the towel he had around his waist. Y/N nearly banged the door out of surprise and felt the heat rise to her cheeks. She ran in the shower, enjoying the hot water and relaxing her muscles. 

When she got back in the room she noticed Steve was shirtless. She knew for sure he selected a shirt, right? So why the hell was he lying there, shorts his only clothing? She furrowed her brows a little but didn’t say anything, afraid of revealing that she peaked out at him. He looked up at her, blushing a little. He looked at her from top to bottom, not even trying to hide how he was checking her out. 

- You wear it better than me, that’s for sure.. 

Y/N suddenly realized that the oversized shirt was barely covering her thighs and quickly got in the bed, covering her legs with the sheets. He did the same and turned around to give her some space. As he turned off the light he mumbled a “goodnight” barely audible. 

After ten minutes of turning around again and again, he whispered. 

- Hey.. Y/N, you’re asleep? 

- Mhhhhh.. no. Difficult when I have a storm happening next to me. 

She said with sarcasm, turning around to face him. Even if the light was turned off she could see his face. She smiled at him, scanning his features. 

- What’s bothering you, Steve? You need to sleep.. 

- I don’t know.. I guess I can’t stand the fact that you.. out of everyone.. got hurt. 

He caressed her cheek, only using the tip of his fingers not to hurt her even more. His  fingers lingered, tracing all her features with extreme care and sweetness. When he brushed her lips, he realized he had been holding his breath, and so was she. Y/N didn’t lose a second of this moment, shivering to his touch. She saw all the passion and lust into his eyes, the genuine adrenaline rushing through all his body, and she knew exactly how he was feeling, as she was experiencing the exact same thing. 

She shifted a bit, getting slightly closer to him. Steve though to himself that looking like that, there was no way she could be interested in him. He took his hand away, not wanting to make her uncomfortable, but she put her hand on his, keeping it in place. 

Finally, she made the move and stood up a little, connecting her lips to his. It was just a sweet kiss, a few seconds longs, to show that she was not playing him. When she broke the kiss she brushed his cheek with a smile and placed her hand in his hair. 

- Well.. It was not my intention to get beat up to attract you in this bed, but I'm more than happy that it happened.. 

She laughed a bit and just leaned her forehead on his, closing her eyes. 

- It’s the more relaxed I felt in years.. 

- I can’t believe you’re here Y/N, I though you despised me.. you never showed any interest at all.. all this time.. I never gave up you know? 

She was truly moved by this, and she though to herself that she would explain to him later that yes, she always had been interested in him too, but she couldn’t risk to show any interest toward the boy her brother hated the most in Hawkins. 

- Yeah well.. I guess I didn’t have nothing to do that weekend, so I decided to fall in love.. 

- Quoting Hitchcock? Clever girl.. 

And with that she just laid on him, letting him wrap his arms around her to fall asleep in his embrace. 

* 

/ A lot longer than what I was thinking of when I started to write it ! Hope you’ll like it! Tell me what you think and please tell me if you want a second part or anything! Thank you again for the request ! / 

[imagines-oneshots-galore]

Talk Later?

A/N: WELCOME BACK. I got another request here, this one is with a Henderson!Reader. Again, I took some liberties with the request. I think it still fits, but it just made more sense in terms of timelines and such. Either way I hope y’all like it!

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Henderson!Reader

Fandom: Stranger Things (specifically Stranger Things 3)

Word Count: 1,813

Summary/ Request:  Can you do a Steve Harrington x Henderson!reader imagine where they meet up at the Starcourt before the battle and worry/asses each other’s injuries (her’s from the Mind Flayer and Steve’s from the Russians) and while they’re meant to be preparing, Steve decides it’s the time to finally confess his feelings?

Warnings: Some violence, sad times, light sexy times. 

Ao3 

Masterlist

(I don’t think that that is what he is saying in the gif, but meh, who cares. 

This was it. 

You, and all your friends, were gonna die. 

Billy was speeding towards you, his camaro’s engine was thrumming with power, and compared to the thunks and groans your car was making, you would be lucky if Jonathon’s car would even start.  

Nancy was firing shot after shot at Billy, but no matter how good of an aim she had, he didn’t seem to be slowing down. Tears clouded your vision, and you could hear the kids screams, but you could only think of your loved ones. 

“I love you Dust Bunny” you said through the walkie as you braced yourself against the back of the car. You were scared to leave your brother behind, but you had no doubt that Steve would love and take care of Dustin in your place. You just prayed that he would live to see the next day, even if you didn’t.

But instead of an impact, your head snapped up as you heard the scream of metal hitting metal and the squealing of tires. 

“Griswold family, do you copy?!” Dustin yelled over the walkie, “Y/N please! Tell me you’re okay!” you could hear the tears in his voice, so you fought through the shock to reply. 

“We’re all good Scoop Troop, a little shaken up, but we’re good” You said as you let out a breath, and looked over to Steve who sat in the driver’s seat of the TodFather. He was your knight in shining armor. Well, more like your knight in a sailor costume. 

However, your relief was short lived as you felt the ground shake, so forcefully you felt it from within the back of the car, and heard the terrifying roar of the Mindflayer as it crawled atop the destroyed Starcourt Mall. 

Thankfully, right then, Jonathon was able to get the car started, and Nancy called for Steve and Robin to jump in. Steve climbed into the back with you, and Robin managed to squeeze in with Lucas and Will. You let out a squeak as Steve grabbed you when Jonathon peeled out of the parking lot, bringing you into his lap and drowning you in a hug. You clung to him like a lifeline, breathing him in. As much as you didn’t want to admit it, you had thought about him too, when you saw Billy cruising towards you. You thanked every god there was that he was okay, well, relatively okay.

“Oh my god Steve! What happened to your face?” You said as you sat back and got a good look at him. You lightly swiped your thumb under his swollen eye, before trailing it to his cheek, a frown crossing your face.  He couldn’t help but close his eyes at your soft touch, leaning into the hand that was now holding his face. He felt like he finally had a second to breath, now that you were safe in his arms. Your hands stroking his face reminded him that he did in fact have to open his eyes, and reply to you. 

“Ah, just some Russians, don’t worry about it. This is like, the third time in the last two years my face has looked like this,” He laughed, shaking his head and wrapping around his arm around your waist a little tighter as Jonathon took a sharp turn. You gasped as his fingers hit a spot on your side, and your hand flew down to cover his. 

“You okay Y/N/N?” Steve asked frantically, moving you off his lap and onto the seat, his own body switching to the floor where he put his hands on your face and arm, looking for any visible injuries. You shuddered as your hand grazed the spot again, and you felt a small amount of liquid slip through your fingers. 

“Oh my god! You’re bleeding!” Steve shrieked, causing Jonathon to swerve and Nancy to send a glare to the back. You had to stop yourself from laughing as he tried to (unsuccessfully) rip off a piece of his shirt, “need to stop the bleeding…” being mumbled under his breath. “Steve, I’m fine, it’s just a graze from some glass,” You said as you took his hands in yours, making him stop trying to rip apart his uniform. Just then, a sound came over the walkie again, one you never thought you’d actually here. 

“Dusty Buns do you copy?”

“I copy Suzie-Poo, it sounds much better now, thanks” You looked back up to Steve and you both came to the realization at the same time. 

“Suzie” 

You couldn’t help but shake your head at the craziness of it all. There you were, sitting in the back of Jonathon’s car, hearing your brother talk to his girlfriend about Planck’s constant, so that Hopper and Joyce could get into the secret Russian base underneath the mall, to shut down a machine that linked your world to an alternate dimension. Oh and not to mention the fact that there was a giant ass monster running after you. 

Speaking of the Mindflayer, he decided to make his presence known once again, by unleashing yet another ear shattering roar into the air.

Before you really thought about it, you threw yourself back into Steve’s lap, hiding your face in his neck, as his arms instinctively wrapped around you. You realized a beat later what you had done,  and immediately tried to move back. 

“S-Sorry…” You said as you pulled away slightly, not getting too far due to the arms that were still wrapped firmly around your waist. 

“S’okay,” Steve whispered, but you could tell his attention was elsewhere. Instead, as you felt your heart start thundering in your chest, you realized that he was staring at your lips. His eyes flicked back up to meet your gaze, and the next thing you knew he had crashed his lips to yours. The kiss was frantic, as if you both couldn’t get enough. Maybe it was because you both knew that it could be the last time you ever got the chance to do it, or maybe it was the thrill of finally acting upon unsaid feelings. Maybe it was a combination of both, but neither of you were complaining. 

Steve’s hands were everywhere, pulling you closer onto his lap and trailing them down your back as you gripped onto his amazing hair. Stars danced behind your eyelids as you finally got to kiss the boy you had been crushing on since middle school. It was horrible timing, but who were you to question fate?

While you and Steve were off in your own bubble of teenage hormones, Robin and Will were sat upfront, both amused and horrified by not only your makeout session, but with Dustin and Suzie singing “The Never Ending Story” over the walkie. 

“What on EARTH is happening right now?! There is a monster chasing us while Steve and Y/N are making out in the back and Dustin is doing karaoke!” Lucas shouted as he looked at the remainder of the group. Robin and WIll shrugged, prepared to let it go in favor of focusing on getting away from the MindFlayer. But then Robin heard Steve groan and she did NOT want to hear what other sounds the two of you could make if she let you continue.  

“Steve! Y/N!” Robin said as she threw a can at Steve’s head. You broke apart immediately, with Steve glaring at Robin as he rubbed the back of his head. 

“We’ll talk later?” You asked through a laugh, even though Robin had ruined a moment, you had to admit that she had good aim. 

“Yeah, yeah sounds good!” Steve said as he cleared his throat, trying to discreetly shift under you without you noticing...

“Oh my god! Steve’s got a boner!” Lucas shouted, laughing maniacally as Steve turned a bright shade of red.

“C’mon man! Not cool!” Steve looked back to you, trying to gauge your reaction, but your gaze was locked onto the back window.

“Hey guys!” You said nervously, getting the attention of the entire car. “It’s turning around”

“What?” Nancy asked from the front. 

“It’s turning around,” 

“Maybe we wore it out?” Lucas suggested.

“I don’t think so, hold on!” 

Jonathon said as whipped the car around, flying back towards Starcourt Mall

~~~~

In the end, the battle had been won, but the victory didn’t come without a price.

Max had left without her step brother, and although he had been a dick to everyone, including you, you knew of what went on behind closed doors. You also knew that he had been possessed, like Will had been, his actions weren’t of his own free will. 

He was a kid that had been taken advantage of, and was a victim like everyone else. In the end he had sacrificed himself to Save El, a girl he had just met, because she showed him two minutes of kindness. 

You believed that Billy Hargrove deserved better than the fate that was handed to him. 

And El, poor El, lost the only parental figure she had. Hopper’s death was felt by all of you, and it was going to take a long time for the party to heal from those wounds. He too, had given his life for the world, and there wasn’t even ash left to remember him by. 

It was a grueling few months that followed. You’d attended both Billy’s and Hopper’s funerals, and helped the Byers, including El, move out of Hawkins. The only thing that got you through those tough times, was your boyfriend Steve. He had held your hand and wrapped his arms around you through the night when you were plagued by nightmares. He meant the world to you, and you thanked the stars every day that he had come into your life. 

“Hey Steve?” You asked as you laid upon his chest, his steady heartbeat thumping under your ear. 

He hummed in reply, his eyes closed and relaxed, fingers softly carding through your hair.

“I just wanted to say that I love you” He opened his eyes then, and you nearly melted when you saw the pure adoration shining in them.

“I love you too Y/N, more than you know,” He said as he leaned down, pulling you closer to his body and kissing you like your life depended on it. The fire still burned as bright as it had that night, if not more so, and before you knew it, Steve had laid himself on top of you, seemingly now shirtless. You felt his mouth start to trail from your lips, to your jaw, to the curve of your…

The door burst open, and to your horror, Dustin strolled in without a care in the world. You tried to throw Steve off as fast as possible, but the damage was done. 

“OH GOD, MY EYES!”

[elenoremalfoy]

wake up (billy hargrove x reader)

beware: season 3 spoilers ahead. proceed with caution.

request by @jodibullock1​; a happier ending for billy. literally anything where he ends up okay (like he deserves.)

description: the end is near for everyone, especially billy, but if there’s anyone who has a chance at getting through to him—it’s you.

wake up. wakeup. wakeupwakeupwake—

when i finally came to, robin and steve were hovering above me. i could see mouths moving, lips forming words, but couldn’t hear them over the roar in my head.  

or wait, no— the roar grew louder, as if it were coming from behind me. 

trying to turn around, the flashing lights whirling above me, i realized where we were. on the second floor balcony of the starcourt mall. 

in the middle of the end of the world. 

i felt hands at my waist, under my arms. steve was attempting to help me to my feet, and robin was lighting the wick of a firework—

a firework?

she threw it down into the food court, where it erupted. flares of red and gold and green forced the monster back and away from two lone figures. through the midst of chaos and the mindflayer’s staggering, it wasn’t easy to make them out. 

but then it hit me. 

the last few minutes rushed back to me and the only thing i could think to ask steve was “billy?”

he looked back at me and in his eyes i saw all i needed to know. it wasn't good. i had to get down there.

“hey, hey, hey!” steve grabbed me by both arms, having guessed what i was about to do. “he’s not all there anymore, he’s not billy. do you get that? if you go down there, there’s nothing we—” he gestured between him and robin, “can do to protect you from him.”

“steve,” i said, my voice wavering. my best friend, my comrade, steve-the-hair-harrington was on the verge of tears. “i know.”

“a little help over here, guys!” we looked to see robin launching another rocket of a firework at the beast. unfortunately, it found our hiding spot behind the counter of a restaurant, and shot a tentacle out our way.

it missed, hitting the stall next to us, but it likely wouldn't next time. as it recoiled, i saw it nearing nancy and johnathan, who were opposite the balcony from us.

“go,” he said, “but you better come back.”

“is that an order, dingus?” i tried to laugh, but it didn’t come out right. i hugged him quickly, just in case. 

“you bet your ass it is, nerd.” 

“affirmative, sir,” i said half-heartedly. steve let go first, and i jumped over the counter. with one leg over the side already, i stopped. “hey robin?” 

“yeah?” she had a match between her teeth and was preparing to light another. i knew she had no idea how badass she was, but i made a mental note to tell her later.

“pass me one of those, will you?” 

“i'll do you one better.” she gave me three, ruffled my hair, and sent me off. 

i didn’t go far though. i hadn’t planned to just yet.

i reached the edge of the balcony and called out to the mindflayer. “over here, asshole!” 

“get down!” i looked back to see steve and robin, both utterly confused. “i said get the hell down!” 

in front of me a tentacle was making its way towards us, but was thrown off course. something on the ground level had caught its attention. 

“no, wait!” i swore, taking off my sneakers. there wasn’t anytime for thinking. “hey, this way, buddy! over here!” i flung my shoe, and it stopped. i tossed the other, and it growled. 

fumbling with the lighter i continued to call the beast towards me, hoping to buy el the time she needed to get out of there. eventually, robin and steve caught on and they began throwing kitchenware, their shoes, whatever they could find.

the monster roared and finally headed our way. i waited for it to get close. close enough that i could count its teeth before i lit the firework and tossed it into its gaping mouth. 

and then i darted for the escalator, using the middle of it as a slide to save time. a trick i'd learned from robin earlier. 

now on the ground level i could see billy and el. they were only a few feet away, and she was...el had her hand resting against his cheek and he was crying. 

steve had been wrong. this was billy looking back at el, this was billy shaking with emotion— with the same mix of fear and strength i'd seen burning in him a thousand times before when we were alone.

“billy,” i said, caught so off guard that i stumbled forward. my voice was so quiet, too soft to have been heard over the screeching of the mindflayer and fireworks, but somehow, someway, he’d heard me. 

his eyes traveled from my bare feet up to meet my gaze. my name fell from his mouth, and my heart lurched inside my chest. he was still in there. we still had time. 

i broke out into a sprint, needing to be by his side, when suddenly the wind was knocked out of me. i watched billy’s eyes grow wide, his scream piercing the air, before i realized he was getting smaller and father away. 

the monster had gripped me in one of its many arms, and i could barley breathe as i was lifted into the air. luckily, it hadn’t pinned my arms, and if i could just reach my pocket—

“we don’t need you,” billy said. i looked down at him confused, until i realized he’d been taken over again. 

“billy, wait,” i sputtered, still rising up towards the skylight. “please, let me go!”

“we just need el. she’s the key,” he told me. i tried wrenching free, but being this high up, there was no point. if i got free or if this thing decided to let me go, i'd be dead as soon as i hit the ground. 

“we’re going to stay here,” he assured me, in that cold and distant voice, “and she is going to let us.”  

el. he meant el. 

who had disappeared from behind him. wherever she was, whatever she was doing, i just hoped she’d make it fast. the hold that this thing had on me was so tight that i was starting to lose oxygen up here. 

“i don’t understand!” i struggled to find the words. something, i had to do something to stall him. “you don’t want this billy. this isn’t you.”

the sound of fireworks had ceased, and i guessed that they’d all run out of them. shit, shit, shit. i dropped mine before i was caught. 

“all this work, all this pain. we’ve been building it for her.” below me, billy laughed and shook his head. “you think you and your little friends can save the world? there is nothing that any of you can do now!” 

“i'm not trying to save the world, dumbass!” i was now fighting against the tightening grip for any bit of air i could get. “i'm just—trying to save you.”

he sneered and the monster howled with him, its mouth opening up directly beneath me. i was fuming with frustration, knowing that if i couldn't get through to him now, then i would done for pretty soon. unless el was ready.

“billy, please!” i cried, “please, you have to fight him. you have to wake up! think about me, think about your mom, think about max—your little sister, maxine.” i broke off, gasping for air. “if you do this, she’ll be all alone. you don’t...want that. i know you don’t! because then she’d be just—like...you.”

the grip that’d been cutting off my circulation eased up a bit and i took that as a sign that i was breaking through. his body went rigid with tension, but i didn’t let that stop me. i knew he hated being reminded of his mother, but i didn’t see another wound to press. i was out of options.

“she’s doesn’t know, does she? she doesn’t know what it’s like to be you. max never even knew her, but you...you called every night for a year. do you remember telling me that?”

billy knelt to the ground, now trembling. i could see the sweat beading off of him from here, soaking through his tank. 

he was doing it, he was fighting. 

“billy!” i tried to hold his attention. “do you remember? last christmas...we traded necklaces. after you told me about her, you gave me her necklace. i swore i’d never take it off as long as you’d wear mine. you promised me.” 

i could taste blood in my mouth, but otherwise felt entirely numb. “look at me, damnit!” 

he did, and i was able to realize that his trembling had actually been sobbing. he looked at me and the rest of the world went blank. there was only him. 

he was trying to say something, but i couldn’t hear him. not until he allowed himself to sag against the floor entirely. my name. it was just my name over and over again, and then he was apologizing. to me, to max. 

“let me go, billy,” my voice broke from somewhere inside my chest. he twitched, trying to pull himself towards me. “you don’t have to do this. please, just put me—”

suddenly, steve and robin and lucas were tackling billy, pushing him backwards and breaking our connection. 

“now!” i heard nancy scream and suddenly fireworks were fired in their direction, and i—

i was falling.

i didn’t feel it at first, it was as if i were frozen above the still open jaws of the monster, and then in a rush of wind and blood and dread, i was hurtling straight down into the void.

i knew this would happen, had known the risks, and had been willing to die if it meant getting him back and keeping my friends safe, but all i knew in that moment was fear, blind and terrible fear. 

i never even got to scream before the world cracked beneath me and everything froze. 

actually froze. 

i could feel the strain of the world trying to balance itself out, hanging with me in the air. along with several bits of debris and sparks of light and the echoes of flesh tearing.

that being the only warning, i was still holding my breath when the monster finally combusted, and i was slowly, carefully lowered to the ground. i heaved as much air as i could into my chest, while looking around to find el. 

i found her atop the balcony, holding tight to mike. they were both staring up at the sky that was no longer red. 

the gate was closed. 

we’d done it. it was over. 

we were safe.

i whirled in the other direction to find the rest of the kids standing around billy, his body lying limp on the ground. max was kneeling over him, crying and...my stomach dropped. 

no. no. no, no, no, no, “billy!” i cried, my voice still breaking.

i was next to him in the time it took my heart to beat. every second felt excruciatingly slow. he couldn’t be gone, he couldn’t be.

“hey! hey, billy, wake up.” i’d crumpled down next to him, and max leaned back against lucas, burying herself into him.

i brushed the hair away from billy’s face, and tried to assess the damage. to look for a wound, where was the wound, there had to be a wound, but aside from a few bad cuts and bruises i couldn't find anything lethal. 

“billy? billy, come on, wake up!” my hands returned back to his face, and i discovered a trail of blood coming from his nose, his ears, a thin line of red appeared between his lips, and then he coughed. 

“get him on his side now!” i didn’t even recognize my voice as my own. “he’s alive! max. max, look he’s alive, he’s okay. we’re okay.” 

i tugged him on his side with the help of the kids, and beat between his shoulder blades in an attempt to force the blood out of his system to keep him from drowning in it.

he began spitting it out, and gasping for air, his eyes snapping open the moment he was able to take in a deep breath. 

“billy,” max said. 

i cried watching them together and allowed steve to wipe the blood from my face while robin tucked herself into my side. 

we were gonna be okay. 

billy let maxine wrap him in a hug, and only pulled away when he began coughing again. 

i braced a hand on his back to make sure he wasn’t going out on us, but then he was laughing. when he looked at me, he smiled. the sort of smile that if i'd been standing would have made me weak in the knees. instead i started crying, and he pulled me into him. 

“i'm okay,” he said into my hair, as he held me close. “we’re okay.”

“don’t mock me, asshole,” i pulled away to look at him again. “i thought you were dead.”

“i know,” he rested his forehead against mine. “i know, and i'm sorry. all those things i did, all that pain i caused, all those people i—”

“shhh,” i placed both hands on his face, one thumb over his lips to stop him from spiraling. “billy, it’s okay. you’re here now and you’re you again. that’s all that matters, okay?”

“thank you,” he said, turning to kiss the palm of my hand. “thank you.”

he grabbed my chin and tilted it towards him. before he could finish thanking me again, i pressed my lips against his. he returned the kiss with the same urgency, the both of us still having to part for air more often than usual. 

i felt him smile as he gave up trying to hold himself upright. we fell slightly backwards, him leaning mostly against me for strength. i laughed into the kiss. i was alright with that as long as it meant he was here with me, at the edge of the end of the world. 

a fate that we’d all managed to escape again.

note; request are open & warmly encouraged!

elenore malfoy (@elenoremalfoy)

[bylerly]

alright everyone. after my rush of emotions after that season, i’ve had time to decompress, and make an actually cohesive list of my thoughts about the season. as you could probably guess - MAJOR SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT!

first, let’s get the (much) shorter list out of the way. here’s what I enjoyed:

the acting. i want to mention how good millie was, because she was fantastic, but i almost feel like i shouldn’t, bc el took SO MUCH screen and plot time, that millie was given every opportunity to be good. she doesn’t really need any more special mention. otherwise - noah (with the little he was given) and sadie were particularly great. so were winona & david, but that goes without saying.

the elmax friendship. these two deserved it. and max bringing el out of her shell, showing her how to become her own person.... incredible. 10/10 i love them both

alexei. feels weird saying this, but he was probably the new addition I enjoyed watching the most. it would have been kind of cool to see him live past season 3.

an lgbt+ confirmed character. this one is a little.... tricky for me. as happy as I am that there is a queer woman written into the show... I feel like it’s a cop out to not have to confirm will’s sexuality. robin confirms her sexuality in less than a season, but after three with will, we still only get ~subtext~? still, this is a positive portion, so.... I guess that was something I was happy with

el moving in with the byers at the end. finally. this is one of the only things that is keeping me excited for s4. i guess i can only hope for there to FINALLY be some good willel interactions next season, but if this season has taught me anything, it’s not to get my hopes too high :-)

jancy ending s3 on a good note. parts of their storyline were fantastic, some were disappointing. but i really dug their dynamic, and the realistic struggle between the two of them, with nancy not really understanding jonathan’s class struggles, and jonathan not grasping the weight of the misogyny being thrown at nancy. their final moments at the empty byers house at the end were especially lovely.

el no longer being OP, and not being undefeatable. i love el. i really, genuinely do. i love her character, i love her traits, i lover her power. but the duffers were relying too heavily on her to constantly save the day with her powers, and it was happening too often. one of the faults of s2 was the constant thought of how easily el could’ve fought off all these threats if she was just there. i think it’s incredibly interesting to not only see her get completely worn out, but totally lose her powers. like mike said, i’m sure they’ll come back, but i want so badly for el to not just be defined by her powers.

a platonic m/f friendship. yes, one of them is confirmed queer, and they would’ve probably been romantically linked if she was straight. but i’ll take what i can get when it comes to this. platonic opposite sex relationships?? r i s e

now for the meat of my thoughts ~ what I didn’t like:

mike’s characterization. the writers completely made him into a dick this season. i get it, he’s a teenager, so he’s going to be an asshole sometimes. hell, in a recent post, I defended that, saying it’s good writing. but I underestimated just how awful he’d be, completely blowing off his friends for any chance for a second alone with el. I understand that he loves his girlfriend of course, but s1-2 mike loved his friends just as much. he was so utterly unlikable this season, that it seemed like he was a different character.

lucas as comic relief. this is so lazy, and i’m so angry for both the character and caleb, both of whom deserve so much better. he really had nothing to do if it wasn’t related to max, and the writers further reduced him down to a one-dimensional, kind of dumb, mediocre boyfriend, and that is not the highly intelligent, brave, kind lucas that i know and love.

will’s sidelining. god, this made absolutely no sense. noah fucking shined last season. he stole pretty much the entire thing. every critic, even those who disliked the season, had nothing but good things to say about his performance. furthermore, will has so much potential in so many different directions in so many aspects of his character. however, once he revealed to his friends that he was feeling the upside down/MF’s presence... they may as well have written out his character. he was sidelined almost to the point of background character. they gave him very little to do emotionally after that castle byers scene, and even fewer lines.

total lack of willel scenes. phew, if this wasn’t a bummer. will spoke a single line to el, and maybe one or two throwaway lines about her. if there is one thing most of the fans can agree on, it’s that will and el have the biggest connection to the upside down, the biggest unspoken connection, the most parallels, and the most intriguing potential relationship... and they really just said “fuck it” and didn’t have them interact at all. (that’s poor writing folks!) they better make up for this now that they’re living together.

amount of eleven scenes. i love her so dearly. i really do. and i’m so happy she grew into her own, not through mike or hopper. but the amount of el plot and screen time this season was actually difficult to watch. every other scene centered around her. so many characters and so much of the story went undeveloped, while she got way, way more than was necessary. additionally, take any kid’s plot (other than dustin), and guaranteed, it revolved around el. people were starting to catch on that the show was favoring her character more than even most shows’ mains.... and this season took it to a level i actual didn’t think it would.

the comedy. it was so awkwardly written. so much of it threw off the pace of the show. it seemed forced, and just... not very stranger things-esque, where the comedy was typically well-written and blended into dialogue.

the baddies. this was a huge letdown, too. i understand that the monster was large, but it was far less menacing to me than, say, the MF’s physical form. it had gore points, sure. it felt incredibly boring and predictable. in the same vein, i thought the ‘zombie’ style storyline of heather & co. would be deeper than that, but that was literally all it was. again... not interesting to me. billy was a rehash as well. the russians definitely had potential, but even that plot wound up being incredibly one-dimensional.

billy’s screentime. this was one of the things i was absolutely furious about. he got more screentime than the party (minus el) combined. they wanted for us so badly to empathize with him, to humanize him... i’m sorry, but you wrote a character that almost killed a boy for being black, that abuses his sister, and is a misogynistic asshole. abuse doesn’t excuse that, and it’s insulting to abuse survivors to say that billy inevitably became this way because of his dad, and that he deserves our uwus for it... and actually got el’s. he took screen time away from characters who desperately needed it, and that’s something i will never look at the duffers the same way for.

the scoops troop. I wanted to love erica... but i feel so indifferent to her. she was way too much this season. and robin. again, i love that she’s confirmed queer. and i dug her character more. but even then... i don’t know. i would have rather never had her introduced, and allowed established characters to have been better developed. and as a whole, the whole storyline of the troop was just what I feared: underwhelming and awkwardly placed.

high steve & robin. won’t elaborate on this too much, bc there’s not much to elaborate on. it just felt so wildly out of place and unnecessary.

that dustin/suzie number. what the hell was that? what could have been a 20 second joke was stretched out WAY too long and was bizarrely placed. just because you have an actor from broadway, doesn’t mean he needs to sing. and even if he does sing... you couldn’t have found a better time or situation? i literally was just staring at my screen in disbelief as that whole thing happened. entirely unneeded.

the amount of flashbacks. i understand most casual viewers wouldn’t remember certain things because of how long it’s been. but they literally put a recap at the beginning of the season. that’s what it’s for. and there were also plenty from like.... the episode before??? the amount they included took away so much time, that it almost just seemed like they didn’t have enough footage, and they had to fill their time stamp somehow. at some point, it just becomes insulting to the audience’s intelligence.

the overall tone. this season did not feel like stranger things in the slightest. off the top of my head, the castle byers scene and the byeler scene in mike’s garage were the exceptions. the first few episodes did have some moments. but overall... it kind of felt like some weird, high budget commercial or something. the charm, distinct aesthetic, and nuance of seasons 1 and 2 was non-existent.

the post-credit scene. there was some last-minute hype up in the reviews for this. was that supposed to be shocking in some way? i suppose this is more the fault of the reviewers who hyped it, but... really? a demodog? we’ve seen that before... i guess more the point was to show that the russians officially have some kind of technology for this. but still, an underwhelming reveal. more intriguing to me, was if hopper was the american in the cell he mentioned at the start of it. or maybe brenner?

the neutral:

that ending. on one hand, it was incredibly predictable. they literally placed an obvious shot of it in the trailer (easy to deduce that the byers had moved out, and that it was fall, so it was an epilogue scene). i was convinced that there would be a twist element they weren’t showing us, but nope. on the other hand, i thought some things were done beautifully (which wasn’t exactly a trend this season). as i mentioned, i loved the jancy moments. i really did like the hopper voiceover, although it was a little trope-y and heavy-handed... i still got a little emo, ngl. those goodbye hugs were somethin’. and, as i said before... el! moving in! with the byers! gimme

so uh... that’s it, i guess. no one really asked, but i needed to get my thoughts out. what did you guys think of the season?

[spacebabehargrove]

By the fifth punch, billy wasn’t seeing straight anymore. God what had he even fucking done this time? He came home early, made them all fucking dinner, and yet here he was, on the floor as his dad landed afuckingnother hard kick to his ribs. Billy didn’t fucking understand. His dads nose was raw and bleeding, but he hadn’t done that. Billy wasn’t dumb, not by a long shot. He knew what his dad did behind Susan’s back, why the Fuck she had stayed with Neil was beyond billy. Neil said something to billy, but billy frankly one) was bleeding so much that it got into his ear and couldn’t hear right and two) didn’t give a fuck. As Neil stalked away to his room, billy held himself on the floor. Fuck everything hurt. His heart hurt the worst. Now, billy wasn’t one for emotions other than anger, her liked anger because anger got shit done. But this aching that filled him everytime his dad hit him, spoke down to him, it fucking hurt like a bitch. Billy picked himself up off the floor, sniffling. He smelt blood, and felt stinging in his eyes. He knew if his dad heard him, he’d only repeat what he did before, and billy wasn’t sure he’d live if his dad decided to go a second round. Billy covered his mouth as his tears fell, making his way to his bedroom. He shut the door behind him and turned on his music, Metallica blasting thru his speakers. He went to his desk, pulling out his journal. Billy liked to write letters to people, it calmed him down. He never sent them, they just sat in his desk. He grabbed his pen and started to write to the person who he thought about most.

Steve,

Fuck I’m in pain. He hit me again, and again, and again, then he fucking kicked me. Who does that? I guess I did that to you, and I severely regret it. I regret ever laying a hand on you. I really do, I hardly even remember that night. I remember being pissed, he did what he usually does and hit me, and it fired me up. I shouldn’t have hurt you. I constantly get reminded about what I did when I see you in the halls, talking to wheeler. God, you could have done so much better than her. I heard what happened between you, and fucking hell that was fucked up. You don’t deserve that. You don’t deserve to be in this town. You deserve somewhere better, where the sun actually shines. This town drags people down, I see it even in the short time I’ve been here, and I don’t want that to happen to you. I keep having these dreams about you. Us together, moving to California. I show you the beach and my old house, I show you where my mothers grave is, and the fields where I used to play baseball. I want to take you there, get you away from the things here. Max thinks I’m dumb, everybody thinks I’m dumb in fact. I’m not. I know that Jane girl has some sort of power, I know there’s something going on at the lab, and I definitely know you’re involved along with the Byers kid. I just hope you’re safe. I don’t know what I feel towards you. I guess it’s love, a factuation of some sort. I guess that’s dumb, i beat your fucking face in and now i love you. It’s stupid. I’m stupid for it. I have no chance with you, none at all. Why the fuck would you date an angry asshole like me? I can’t control my emotions, I can’t figure my shit out. A part of me hopes you would be able to help me. I think you would be. You’re so understanding, it’s almost irritating. You get fucked over and fucked over and yet you’re still there for everybody. I don’t understand it. Even after our fight, you still saved me a spot in the locker room, you still waved and smiled at me. Why? Why are you like that? I’m a horrendous human being, i know it. I spent so long worrying about becoming my dad, and it looks like i already have. I’m a monster. But i can’t help but want you to be mine. I know it’s sick, I know it’s wrong, but I want you for mine. I have since I saw you at that dumb party. With your fucking Bambi eyes and your floppy hair, you look like a puppy. It’s adorable. God there’s blood on this letter, I’m sorry about that. It’s not like you’re gonna get this anyways. I love you Steve, I really do. I wish I could redeem myself to you, make you see that I’m not...I’m not what you think. God it hurts, everything fucking hurts. I think my dad gave me a concussion last week and my head keeps pounding. I don’t even want to eat anymore, I’m so done with everything. I’m done with living at this point. Nobody would miss me, I know it. I’d be missed maybe by Max, maybe. I’ve been a dick to her but I’m trying not too anymore, I’m trying to change. I want to change. I want you to help me change. Fuck I just want to be held, I want to be touched like I matter, not like I’m a punching bag. I want to be touched by you, have your long arms around me and just listen to you tell me it’s okay. That’s what I want. You.

I hope you never see this,

Billy.

[thepurplebutterflythings]

Like Mother - Billy Hargrove

Gif: Miss_Nocturna on Tenor

Word Count: 1.2K

Paring: Billy Hargrove (Stranger Things) x (Sister)Reader

Summary: Billy Hargrove loves his sister, more than he cares about himself. He’d kill for her. He’d endure all his father threw at him to keep her safe. He’d do anything to get her away from Neil and Hawkins.

Warnings: Abuse

Requested: @briandaflores 

Masterlist

______________________________________________________________

Y/N listened as her father slammed the door after him as he left. No one else was in the house now apart from herself and her brother. It was deathly silent throughout the house – Y/N sat on the sofa and Billy was in his bedroom.

Neil had become angry and took it out on Billy again, but this time it was supposed to be Y/N. Y/N had said something which had set her father off and just as he was lifting his hand to hit Y/N, Billy started picking a fight with Neil, drawing the attention off of Y/N and pulling it onto himself. Neil then starting abusing Billy instead of Y/N. It was over when Billy was on the floor and Neil grabbed his shirt, punching him one last time. Then Neil dropped Billy to the ground, glared at Y/N, grumbled about going out and left. The moment the door closed, Billy got to his feet and walked out of the room so quickly that Y/N didn’t have a chance to check his wounds. Billy’s bedroom door closed and she sat herself on the sofa, leading to this moment now. Her sitting there, biting her thumb, wondering what to do next – time ticked by and she just stared at the clock on the wall. Enough was enough, she got to her feet and grabbed the anti-septic, heading to Billy’s room. She gently knocked on the door.

“Billy, please, let me come in,” Y/N said quietly through the door. She heard him moving on the other side of the door and stepped back as Billy opened it. In moments like this, Y/N saw their mother in Billy, just by a shift of the eye, a quirk of the lip and a twitch of the nose. Staring at her brother’s face, Y/N sighed deeply – the black eye was already forming, there was a cut on his lip and a graze on his jaw. “Oh, Billy!” Y/N shook her head.

“Don’t start,” Billy grumbled as he stepped away from the door, sitting on his bed. Y/N followed him into the room and sat next to him.

“Come on, let me help,” she said, showing him the anti-septic. Billy scrunched up his face and groaned at the sight of the tube, “oh, grow up, you big baby,” Y/N rolled her eyes as she unscrewed the cap. Billy smiled a little as she squeezed some of the cream onto her fingers and dabbed it around his eye.

“You know, you really remind me of Mum at times,” Billy confessed. Y/N glanced at his eyes for a second before continuing with applying the anti-septic, this time on the cut on his lip.

“Really?”

“Yeah, you’re both loving and kind and caring, and both absolute saints for putting up with Dad,” Billy nodded, flinching a little at the stinging from the anti-septic.

“You look like her,” Y/N told him, “and you really remind me of her too – which is why it kills me when you do this.”

“Do what?”

“Take the fall for me with Dad,” Y/N said. “I know you did it on purpose – picking that fight. Why’d you do it?”

“You’re my baby sister,” Billy said, “It’s my job to protect you.”

Y/N smiled and continued putting the anti-septic on his wounds - the graze on his chin was next. Billy watched his sister fondly, thinking how much like their mother she was. So kind. So warm. So loving. Both deserved better.

“Firstly, we’re twins, dumbass,” Y/N reminded him, “secondly, protecting me shouldn’t come at the expense of yourself.”

“I’m five minutes older than you,” Billy said, “don’t forget it,” he ruffled her hair playfully, causing her to bat his hand away and put the anti-septic down.

“Billy, I can handle Dad.”

“Mum couldn’t bear it if you were hurt by Dad.”

“Same goes for you.” Y/N shot back quickly, “it doesn’t matter the reason why, but you being hurt by Dad would kill her, and you know it.”

“Better that only one of us gets hurt rather than both,” Billy mumbled. His eyes watered up and tears fell from them, he coughed and tried to wipe them away before Y/N saw, but she did. Y/N leaned forward, cupping her brother’s face and leaning her forehead against his, stroking his cheeks. Their mother used to do this whenever they cried.

“Billy…” Y/N sighed, “There is only so much longer this can carry on.”

“No!” Billy said, pulling back from his sister. “As long as I live and breathe, Y/N/N, I will never let that bastard lay a fucking hand on you, got it? I don’t care what I have to do, you will not be his fucking punching bag like me, okay? Even if I have to kill him. I will not let him touch you.”

“Billy…”

“And I will get us out of here, you, me, heck even Max, none of us will be left in this house with him,” Billy began to ramble, “we’ll get a nice little apartment, the three of us, out of Hawkins, no way am I letting us stay in the same town as him, maybe we’ll go back to California, and we’ll live there, away from this shithole of a town, away from Neil, away from everything. We’ll be happy. Max can go to school, you can go to university, and I’ll get a job, maybe as a mechanic – I want to work with cars.”

“Billy…” Y/N repeated again, stroking her brother’s hair, “how will we even be able to do any of that?”

Billy jumped to his feet and pulled Y/N off of his bed before lifting his mattress up and pulled small metal tin out. He put the mattress down and settled the box on top of it again. The twins kneeled before the tin and Billy opened the lid and turned the tin, pouring out its contents. There was a collection of money inside – pennies, coins, notes.

“I have about $245,” Billy said, “it’s not much at the moment, but we’ll have more.”

“You’ve saved all this?” She asked, picking up a handful of $5 bills and counting them – she was holding about $50 in $5 notes.

“I’ll do anything to get you outta here,” he said, “some are from odd jobs, other is allowance, and some is a few coins here and there I’ve managed to take from Dad’s pockets.”

“I don’t deserve a brother like you,” Y/N whispered, “someone so willing to do anything to protect me. What did I do to deserve you?”

“Putting up with a piece of shit like our father,” Billy collected the money up and put it all back in the tin. He returned it into its metal case so carefully, so tenderly, as though being too rough with the money would hurt it and diminish its value, like dropping the coins into the tin would mean they were unusable. “What do you think of my plan? About us three leaving Hawkins and going somewhere safe?”

“I love it!” She said. Y/N hugged her brother and buried her face in his neck. Billy turned and faced Y/N, cupping her cheeks and leaning his forehead against hers, like their mother once did.

“I promise you, I swear on my life, we’ll get out of this fucking town and we won’t have that man ruining our lives.”

“I promise to help you get the money,” she said. “We’ll do this together, you and me, like when we were kids.”

[tonyajace-182]

WHERE IS MY SEASON FOUR!? [Contains Spoilers]

Overall Conclusion:

I don’t feel satisfied, like at all.

So much happened and I loved every single bit of it, but it felt too much like a build-up. It actually felt a lot like a season 1 than it did a season 3 (if that makes sense).

I don’t care about Nancy and Jonathan. Their story line bored me from S1. Don’t get me wrong I’m happy they lived and have such a strong relationship between them; but their story line is of no interest for me. They are definite side characters to me that would rank like in the way way lows on my ‘characters of importance list’.

I’m actually really really proud of Karen Wheeler. She said no to temptation and that is admirable. I feel like I owe her an apology because I literally expected the absolute worst of her. As in, I was mentally and inwardly hating on her before I even watched ep1. I feel bad, especially after she had the heart to heart with Nancy.

SO…..

Sorry Mrs Wheeler.

Unexpectedly…. I think I might have a new ship or bromance. Murray and Alexei were just so cute to me. The child like marvel Alexei had was endearing, plus Murray’s attentive enlightening was cool to see. They may have been minor but when they got screen time they really brought the sweet fluff vibes.

I noticed that everyone was split into small groups (probably because they are too big to properly develop altogether as one big group). What stood out to me a lot was the dynamic’s always tended to take on a rather family vibe. Two characters would play the parents roles and the others would act the role of children. For example, Jopper were the parents, Alexei and Murray the children. Steve and Robin were the parents, Erica and Dustin the children etc. Between that, they would also switch it up with a bit of Teenage dramatude (Drama plus attitude). Jopper bickering and Murray calling them out. Jancy having real adult talk about life. Steve and Robin talking about that hard knock life. The teens being actual teens.

Real talk though, I’m proud of the kids.

I felt Lucas had a lot more to offer this season. Although, at times he really did seem a bit clueless, I don’t know. He definitely came off as a bit of a dick sometimes (both him and Mike) towards Will. Glad he chilled out later, said his apologies and stuff. I love the Mileven scenes, but Lucas and Max deserve a tonne of credit for this season.

But Max deserved the most.

I loved Max the second she was introduced, I thought she was awesome. This season I seriously name her the ultimate Wifey/best friend a guy and girl could have. She sticks to her guns, you know. Dating a boy doesn’t change her. She knows who she is and what she wants and fights to get it. She was a GREAT influence and pal to Eleven, exactly what El needed, in my opinion. My heart broke for her when she faced Billy. For whatever reason, I got the impression that she and Billy had bonded or something since Season 2. Either way, it hurt to see Sadie/Max slapped out of the way like that. Then when she cries over Billy- It broke me.

I’m glad Will kind of got a break this season. A little disappointed he didn’t really get to do much, other than be an informant. I spent a lot of the time expecting him to reveal he was actually still infected by the Mind flayer the whole time. Also, no one is going to convince me that Will is not gay or bi. The way he stares after Mike and El every time they run off together says so much. I just- after everything he’s been through, both physical and emotional intimacy is something I think he’d crave a lot of. It’s the gender I think he wouldn’t care about. Regardless, Will needs love and gods someone better give him some next season. Also, did no one else keep thinking he was like Spiderman with his mind flaying senses?

Mike was the real Nerd or Geek boy representative this season. I enjoyed seeing how gangling and similar to S1 he was. It was nice not seeing emo Mike. However, the constant doubt and questioning slowly became a bit much. Frankly, I was relieved when he and Max had that argument. I don’t like Mike when he’s in doubt or unsure on stuff. He was okay, but not really an interest for me this season. As I said, I thought he and Lucas were assholes for their treatment of Will. The car ride he has with Hopper will forever be my favorite scene of Mike’s this season.

I really felt for El this season. She’s been put through so much and-…… It’s still too raw and fresh. I can’t talk about it without getting upset. But to summarize: I’M SO FUCKING PROUD OF HER!!

Dustin. Any chance I get to hear Gaten sing is a blessing to my ears and food for my soul. I love his voice and he is so talented. He’s been my fave since the first episode okay. When no one believed him about Suzie, honest to god I wished I could be there to tell him I believed him or some shit. Beyond that, I laughed when he basically said he won’t tell the others about the Russian message because they didn’t believe him about Suzie. That was so petty but I loved it. The bonding between him and Erica was also great. Regardless… out of all the kids Dustin made me the most proud and is still my favorite.

I live for Erica’s sass, but at some points she did test me a bit.

Or maybe I just wanted her to ease up on the feisty attitude towards my baby Dustin.

Steve and Robin had me fucking scared! When they got captured I was shitting my pants imagining all the worst ways they were going to get tortured. I knew since the promo pics that I would love Robin- because I loved the expression on Maya’s face that promised so much attitude and sarcasm. She wasn’t too much of a nag, and while I had mentally labelled her a lesbian queen in my head. When she confesses to Steve I lost my shit. I fucking lost my shit and had to take a break and everything. Then Steve was perfect with his response. I don’t care Steve Harrington will be revealed as BISEXUAL before this fucking show is over!! He just has to!! He is both a MOM and a DAD!! Let’s just say I need more Steve and Robin scenes in the future. Jancy can get like cut or less scenes ok! I need Steve and Robin!!

Joyce….. I can’t talk about her without-….. I just can’t.

Hopper…. Fuck…… I can’t.

Billy.

Fuck.

Overall.

Stranger things season 3 was so good but just not enough. It was too short- too brief and left me with so much to process!!

SO FUCKING GIVE ME SEASON FOUR YOU SON OF A BITCHES!!!!!!!!

Oh.

And P.S: FUCK YOU RUSSIAN WANNABE ARNOLD!! IT’S ALL YOU’RE FUCKING FAULT!! I’M GLAD YOU GOT SPUN AND WHIPPED!!! REST IN HELL YOU FUCKING SHIT!!

[callunavulgari]

TOP 25 FICS OF 2018

1. A Cornstalk Fiddle by @notbecauseofvictories | Devil Went Down To Georgia | The Devil/Johnny | 17k

Where Johnny goes, the Devil follows; where Johnny goes, the Devil is already there.

Heather Says: So. I never thought that my favorite fic of the entire year would be a fic written about a song - and one that I don’t even particularly like - but here I am. I read this fic the same night that I finally broke down and watched Moonlight, and ended up listening to Moonlight’s End Credits and Hello Stranger by Barbara Lewis on repeat while I finished that first chapter on my back porch. This is that perfectly atmospheric fic that you’ll find maybe once every ten years and could probably sustain you on its memory for just as long.

2. Work of All Saints by @kaikamahine | Coco | Imelda/Hector/Ernesto | 210k

Imelda Rivera (b. 1899 - d. 1969), a story that includes but is not limited to: the finest music school this side of the Santo Domingo, three traveling musicians and the mess they made of love, the twice-cursed assassination of Venustiano Carranza, all the patron saints, and ninety-six ways a man can try to cross a bridge.

Heather Says: This story blew my entire mind. It was lovely, and tragic, and hilarious, and everything that a good novel should be. The parts of this fic that map out the unseen lives of Imelda, Hector, and Ernesto, that hidden backstory that a movie can only hint about, were exquisite to the point that I was afraid getting to the point where, well, they die, would be a letdown. It really wasn’t. If anything, the story managed to get richer as it went along, until suddenly you’re in a room sobbing into a pillow at four in the morning and have to be awake in four hours. No regrets.

3. Under the Covers by @toast-ranger-to-a-stranger | Stranger Things | Billy/Steve | 87k

Steve is (maybe) a little bit still in love with Nancy Wheeler and (maybe) trying to figure himself out-- between the night terrors and the babysitting and the general weirdness that is Hawkins, Indiana-- before he graduates.

Billy Hargrove fits in there somewhere (probably).

Heather Says: Under the Covers was the first Harringrove fic that actually kicked me over the edge from ‘eh this ship looks like it would have good hate sex’ and into full-fledged believer. It’s an intricately crafted look into the world of Billy Hargrove and Steve Harrington post-season two and it is absolutely glorious.

4. Bloody Ruin by esama | Castlevania | Alucard/Trevor | 37k

Vampire hunter and a vampire try to get along.

Heather Says: Written before season two came out, this was one of those fics that I clicked on because the pairing interested me and I wanted to see how it worked. It did not disappoint, and even after I delved through the tag on ao3 after I marathoned season two, this is still my favorite.

5. a road less traveled and a life less led by Azzandra | Dishonored | Billie & The Outsider | 9k

She took him out of the Void, as promised. And then she kept him, she supposed.

Heather Says: You know all that fanart that started cropping up after Death of the Outsider came out? The ones where Billie and the Outsider crept around Dunwall or Karnaca stealing fish and safes and graffiti-ing buildings? The ones with that found family vibe? Yeah. This fic scratches the same itch that all that art did.

6. But I’m Not There Yet by sarahyyy | Yuri On Ice | Yuri/Otabek | 71k

“Are you not going to read the article?” she asks, flopping onto his bed. “Look who ranked second, just after Phichit Chulanont.”

Otabek reluctantly scrolls down, and oh. #2 - Yuri Plisetsky

In the embedded Instagram photo just under that subheading, a very grumpy Yuri is cuddling a very grumpy-looking cat. The caption reads: I found the cat version of me at the shelter today. #iknowisaidnomorecats #canyoublameme

Heather Says: And here, in the stupid cute category we have teenagers navigating love through social media. What’s more, there’s a companion fic.

7. flowers start to bloom in every different hue by orphan-account | Coraline | Coraline/Wybourn | 1k

Coraline grows up, gets a tattoo, and falls in love. In that order.

Heather Says: I read this fic on a slow day at work, often in quick bursts while I was waiting for the kitchen to finish my table’s food. It’s short. It’s sweet. It’s perfect. And honestly? It’s everything that I was looking for when I ventured into the Coraline tag on ao3 because I was curious.

8. Victory Conditions by @astolat | Transformers | Megatron/Optimus Prime | 37k

“Do you want me to tell you a story?” Megatron said mockingly. “You won’t like it, Prime. It’s not a very nice one.”

Heather Says: Fun fact, I’m not even in this fandom. I haven’t touched the Transformers fandom since the first movie came out in 2007 and I spent a very confusing week shipping a boy and his car. But Astolat has literally never lead me wrong, and I was having one of those bored days where nothing quite itches the right spot, so I sat down on the couch and spent two hours reading this. Worth it.

  9. just in it for the game by grim_lupine | Thor | Thor/Loki | 6k

“It's excellent rehabilitation for my image,” Loki says, widening his eyes. “They love you, and because of that they'll trust me. You wouldn't ruin this for me, would you?”

Thor glares at him.

Loki’s mouth twitches. “Also, it's the funniest thing that's ever happened to me.”

Heather Says: The Thor/Loki bug never really bit me until after Ragnorak came out. I mean, sure, I read it and it was good, but hella’s Frostiron fics basically destroyed me for any other Loki pairing. HOWEVER. Ragnorak happened and screwed that all the way up. Also, you know, this fic is absolutely lovely and was just what the doctor ordered.

10. so this guy walks into a bar by MasterOfAllImagination | Pacific Rim | Newt/Hermann | 2.5k

“Bourbon,” Hermann says, hooking his cane on the edge of the bar and sliding by degrees onto a stool.

“Straight up?” the bartender asks.

“Please.” Does he look like the kind of man who enjoys having his nostrils fumigated by undiluted whiskey? “On the rocks.”

Heather Says: I coped with Pacific Rim 2 by reading a couple AUs and a couple very, very long fics full of tragedy and math. Weirdly, the AU of a chance meeting in a bar was the one that stuck.

11. cherry pie by @brawlite & @toast-ranger-to-a-stranger | Stranger Things | Billy/Steve | 133k

Billy Hargrove lives for summer. Endless sunshine, heavily chlorinated pools, roaming ice cream trucks, and unencumbered freedom? There’s nothing better.

Even being stuck in Hawkins can’t ruin the summer for him. He eats it up, devouring every day whole.

Heather Says: Yeah, okay, but this is the fic that made summer worth it. Highly recommend reading at the pool or with your feet hanging off the back porch. Every piece of this fic was dripping in summertime nostalgia. It was fan-freaking-tastic.

12. the ghost and the good queen val by Wildehack (tyleet) | Thor | Thor/Valkyrie/Loki | 27k

“What,” she says, her heart racing, “was that.”

“What was what?” Korg asks, frowning up at her. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Valkyrie squints suspiciously at the ship.

“Oh my god,” Korg says. “You did! You saw a ghost!”

Heather Says: So, remember how I coped with Pacific Rim 2 with copious AUs? This is how I coped with Infinity War.

13. For Better or Worse by DragonBandit  | The Bright Sessions | Mark/Damien | 22k

All Damien ever wanted was someone who wanted him. All Damien deserves is to die alone, stripped bare of any of the comforts or affections of humanity, a title he willingly shed.

Mark Bryant seems to be the Universe's compromise.

Wherein Damien and Mark are soulmates, and this changes enough.

Heather Says: I think I’ve read this one three or four time this year? It’s 22k of well-written fic for a fandom that has a max of like 100 fics all with lengths that tend to vary between a couple hundred words to 2 or 3k, max. This fic is the one that really catapulted me into the fandom. 

14. in waves by @lymricks | Stranger Things | Billy/Steve | 38k

It’s March and it’s too cold for Billy to be shirtless and wearing shorts, but he hadn’t noticed until Harrington appeared and made him hold still. Harrington can’t seem to stop looking at the bruises. “What’s it to you if I miss a little school, Harrington?” Billy asks. He feels goosebumps rising on his skin.

“I don’t know,” Harrington snaps back, looking uncomfortable. He shifts his weight from one foot to the other. Plant your feet, Billy wants to scream at him. I’m going to bowl you over.

Heather Says: And here we have the first fic that wasn’t written by either @toast-ranger-to-a-stranger or @brawlite that made me realize that this fandom was gonna be a good one. So fantastic.

15. the cure by aquaexplicit | The Flash | Cisco/Harry | 43k

“I guess I don’t really get what you need to fix? Harrison Wells is a hot, rich genius that pays you to make cool stuff with his daughter and is totally into you. If you guys boning is the biggest problem you have, I think this officially qualifies as your best relationship ever.”

When Barry puts it like that, everything sounds so simple and not at all as angst ridden as Cisco has been suffering the past few months.

Cisco hangs up on him.

Heather Says: I remember a couple years ago, I fell absolutely head over heels for this one Sterek fic where Derek had twin toddlers and Stiles was the hired babysitter. So I think there’s something about dad + babysitter fics that get me, even if this one in particular the ‘baby’ in question is a fifteen year old genius. Still. Dad + babysitter. I don’t even know, but apparently it works for me.

16. pull out the insides by SpineAndSpite | The Bright Sessions | Mark/Damien | 3k

“Stop,” Damien says again, more insistent this time.

“I’m not doing it on purpose.” Mark's heart pounds in his ears and he sees Damien’s hands shaking. God. They shouldn’t have started talking about sex. Shouldn’t have filled in the colors and shadows to this pencil outline of a sketch forming between them. They shouldn’t have given it a name.

Heather Says: This year seems to have had a theme when it comes to fics that I’ve liked and it seems to boil down to: people who are bad for each other have sex and catch feelings. Mark/Damien is not the healthiest ship. But it also hurts in this stupidly tragic way and hell if I didn’t fall head over heels for it.

17. tell me, get my shit together by paperclipbitch | Star Wars | Han/Lando | 5k

“I thought we were actively avoiding each other after the Trandosha Shitshow,” Han says.

“We’re actively avoiding each other after the Iridonia Shitshow,” Lando corrects him, “the Trandosha Shitshow is That Which We Do Not Speak Of.”

Heather Says: So, guess what I did in the two to three hours after seeing Solo? If you guessed: ‘combed through ao3 until you ran out of fic’ ding ding ding, you are 100% correct. This one was very, very good, which makes sense, because paperclipbitch has some good shit.

18. chases, escapes, true love, miracles by pepperfield | The Flash | Cisco/Harry 55k

Just because the timeline has been restored, doesn't mean things are back to normal. Cisco's got 99 problems, and Harry Wells is approximately 38 of them.

In which Cisco makes a bunch of plans, fails most of them, narrowly avoids being disintegrated, receives a hug or two, finds his groove, and gets his man. More or less in that order.

Heather Says: This one was long and wibbly wobbly, because it was basically what season 3 should have been. But it was also really great, and had some super quality Harrisco interactions.

19. Your Pretty Little Heart by Ever-so-reylo | Star Wars | Reylo | 64k

Modern day AU in which Ben is an Alpha, Rey is an Omega, and they are way better at having sex than at communicating with each other.

Heather Says: Speaking of people who are probably a little bit bad for each other... This particular fic was new to me, not because of the um, extensive sexual content, but because I’m usually not a fan of A/B/O. But this one was extremely good, enough that I actually liked it for a/b/o aspect rather than in spite of it.

20. Draconia by perceived_nobility | The Bright Sessions | Mark/Damien | 4k

"So I was driving. One ex wife and one ex husband later, stopping at the same fucking gas stations you and I stopped at."

Heather Says: This fic actually prompted a 3 hour long conversation on the ‘adult’ Mark/Damien discord where we basically outlined an entire fic that I never got around to writing where Damien is raising a child, has a farm, and runs into Mark ten years down the ride. One day, I might write it, because vaguely domestic, meet-again-ten-years-down-the-road fics always bowl me right the fuck over and just. There needs to be more fic like this one in the world. But until then, the world can marvel at the beauty that is this one.

21. Artifice by buttpatrol | Wolf 359 | Hera/Eiffel | 23k

A story told in parts about colour palettes, identity, robot uprisings, sensational trials, space, and messy love.

Heather Says: As I’ve recently finished relistening to Wolf 359 I have a fresh appreciation for this fic, which is one of the only longer fics on ao3 that just grips you by the heart and squeezes the same way that the series does. It might have been written before the end of the series, but it’s honestly just as perfect.

22. (shoot the lights out, hide) till its bright out by lipgallagher | Stranger Things | Billy/Steve | 93k

The most dangerous thing walking around Hawkins goes by the name Billy Hargrove.

And he fucking knows it.

Heather Says: I’m kind of cheating here, because this is a series rather than a single fic, but I’m not picking just one part. I read the first four or so parts of this fic when I was visiting my family in South Carolina and spent the next few days wandering around the place half-in Steve Harrington’s headspace. It was an incredibly surreal experience, which lead to a pretty strong combination of mania, depression, and an indescribable craving for ice cream. So like, maybe don’t read this fic if you’re in a bad head space? But also it’s very good and features one of the most fucked up and intriguing Steve’s that I’ve seen yet.

23. Until My Feet Bleed and My Heart Aches by Reiya | Yuri On Ice | Yuuri/Viktor | 197k

‘…Of all the rivalries in the world of sports over the years, perhaps none has become so legendary as that of Russian figure skater Viktor Nikiforov and his rival, Japanese Yuuri Katsuki…’

Heather Says: I actually read this one on the plane ride down to South Carolina, and kind of didn’t like it at first? I’m not sure if it was just the act of putting Yuuri and Victor into the position of rivals that made me uncomfortable or the goddamn delays that turned half a day of travelling into a full one, but eventually I was able to get into and enjoyed it quite a bit. I really like the rivals to lovers trope, so I’d been looking forward to this one a lot.

24. Traveling Far by @astolat | Game of Thrones | Jaime/Brienne | 24k

Three weeks into their delightful slog across Westeros, during yet another charming day of shitting in the woods, eating half-raw squirrel, and trudging his feet bloody, the single most dour and uninteresting woman Jaime had ever met in all of Westeros stopped in the middle of a field, drew a deep breath, and said, “When I was seven, my aunt came to visit with her son. My father told me that as the daughter of the house, it was my duty to show hospitality to my guests and to be gracious to them. I wanted to make him proud. So for three weeks, I let my cousin follow me around and talk to me about spiders.”

Heather Says: I’ve become very fond of astolat’s Jaime/Brienne fics, and I think this one is my favorite yet. Featuring Starks, found family, and a whole lot of walking.

25. lilies of the valley (cover me with kisses, make my garden grow) by diasterisms | Star Wars | Reylo | 8k

Every girl is entitled to the mistake. That one colossal fuck-up that permanently alters the terrain of who you are. You'll either learn from it or you won't, so might as well have the time of your life.

Heather Says: I just. I really like flower shop AUs, and the idea of a Kylo Ren who owns a sleek flower shop being menaced by a tiny gremlin in a leather jacket just. Kills me. It was really sweet and all kinds of wonderful.