#billy with a podcast just makes sense

[wolfsbanesparks]

Instead of making Billy Batson a radio show host in the modern day, where less ppl listen to radio, would he be a YouTuber/Twitch Streamer/Podcaster?

I think that makes a lot of sense! It's a very good way to modernize such an important part of Billy’s character that has fallen by the wayside partly because it's a less popular medium now.

In fact I think in the newest Shazam comic he does have a superhero podcast!

[prettyboybillyhargrove]

Dacre Montgomery is ready to work

There’s a famous audition tape of Dacre Montgomery’s online. Maybe you’ve seen it; some 18 million people have. And it’s captivating to watch, not just because of Montgomery’s intensity, but because of the clear control that he has at such a young age. That steady ferocity cuts right through the screen, even though he’s just ‘running lines’ against a plain blue backdrop. It also cut through the sea of other actors gunning for a role in Stranger Things and made him Billy Hargrove, the resident bad guy on the sci-fi drama that broke Netflix viewership records on its way to becoming one of the biggest shows in TV history.

It’s been almost six years since that audition made Montgomery a global star, but the man sitting in front of me has lost none of that vigour. Reclining in a side room at a studio in Sydney before the photoshoot accompanying this article, the now 28-year-old looks casual. He’s wearing a plain black T-shirt, white shorts and one of those non-descript navy caps movie stars wear when they want to be incognito. The outfit is a simple one, designed to avoid attention—a far cry from the red carpet fashion that Montgomery favours. But as he starts talking about the thing he loves most—movies and the process of making them—that same intensity takes over; a passion that has him on the edge of his seat.

“When I was in my early teens, all I did was stay in my room and watch movies. And I fell in love with everything,” he says. The reverence, the obsession, is what drives Montgomery, and not just when it comes to acting. On set for today’s shoot, Montgomery—who was recently named the face of Politix’s new autumn/winter “The Gentle Man” campaign—is completely locked in. Unlike some who see an ambassador role as an opportunity to make a quick buck, Montgomery has signed on because he’s excited about the brand’s refreshed look and new chapter. “I don't just rock up on time. I rock up 10 minutes early,” he told me, “I don't just give one idea, I give 10 ideas because I don't engage with anything unless I'm authentically interested in it.”

He’s not kidding. After each burst of shots, he pores over them like he’s the creative director, rather than the subject—not out of vanity, but to see if the images are challenging enough. At one point, he grabs a mirror from the corner of the room. “Let’s just try it”, he tells the crew, and proceeds to work it straight into the shoot.

This dedication to perfection hasn’t always been easy for him or the people around him. After Stranger Things, the search for the next perfect role was almost paralysing. “Before I felt like, ‘look, I'm not going to take anything unless I'm 150 per cent invested’,” he says, and eventually, that attitude led to Montgomery parting ways with his team—his management, agents, everyone.

During that period, which he describes as a creative hole, Montgomery tried anything and everything. He wrote poetry (which was released as a book by publisher Andrews McMeel under the title DKMH and turned into a spoken word podcast of the same name), made short films, and dedicated himself to learning the arts of cinematography and screenwriting—at some points, he was watching three films a day, “morning, noon, night”, just like he did as a teenager.

Part of the fear that drove him into that lull was the looming presence of being typecast. When there are roles being offered to you left, right and centre, which one is the ‘perfect’ next step to take? This year, he has started climbing out of that hole, engaging more filmmakers as well as taking on roles like the one with Politix. But, there is still a sense of wariness.

For example, as news broke that Hugh Jackman wouldn’t be returning as Wolverine—a decision that he has since reversed—rumours swirled that Montgomery might step into the role. But for him, it’s about the filmmakers rather than any big-name character. “It’s just finding filmmakers that I'm really interested in working with and going from there as opposed to it being like, ‘oh, I've always wantedto play Wolverine or Bane’,” he says, “but also, I’m feeling a little bit of Marvel fatigue. I’m not really interested in it in the same way that I was.”

Montgomery isn’t alone in his ‘Marvel fatigue’, plenty of moviegoers aren’t as interested as they once were—just look at the recent box office figures—but it’s another example of how he’s a film fan first, and an actor second. He can thank his parents for that.

“My dad started taking me to films that I shouldn't have been seeing when I was a kid,” Montgomery says, “but he worked in the film industry and he would explain to me the process of everything.” From the very beginning, he was exposed to not just the definitive films of the time, but also how they were made. His mother and father would take him to the sets they were working on and show him the ins and outs. “It was like, ‘here’s the unadulterated version of the world and the industry and here are all the ins and the outs of how movies are made.”

For some actors, fame, as much as the films that inspire them, is a driver. And it’s only if they reach a level of success that they really see how the sausage is made—which is not always pretty, especially if they aren’t backed by a huge studio. Thanks to his parents, Montgomery is a rare actor who has always known about the gritty reality of making low-budget films—the long days, the repetition, the egos—but that’s what he fell in love with. “I'm not here for money or notoriety or anything like that,” he says, “I really care about the work and that's what I'm there for.”

But it’s that moment when he actually steps in front of the camera and it’s time to perform that has always had Montgomery hooked. “When you’re on set, I don't try to take up too much space and I wait until it’s my time to go in front of the camera and do my little thing. But when I do that… It's ecstasy. There’s nothing but that moment, do you know what I mean?”

Though it’s been a few years since Montgomery has had those moments and shared them with the world—Elvis, in which he was a scene-stealer, was largely filmed in 2020—he’s getting back to work. “I am climbing out of that [hole] and what that looks like is me engaging with more filmmakers,” he says. Of the three filmmakers he has agreed to work with—at least publicly—one thing is clear: they aren’t interested in making simple, sugar-coated work.

The first film we are likely to see in Montgomery’s next chapter is Spider & Jesse, directed by Dan Kay, which dives into the far-reaching consequences of addiction. “It’s about two girls that find their mother dead in the first scene and they bury her in the backyard so they don't have to go into the foster care system,” Montgomery explains, “I play the mum’s ex-boyfriend that was dealing her the drugs.”

It’s an unglamorous role with limited screen time, but that didn’t bother Montgomery because it was clear the film, and the people behind it, had something vital to say. “I realised they were on a mission to give insight into the people that are affected by addiction—family, friends, and people they're associated with rather than shedding light on the addicts themselves.”

Filming on Spider & Jesse, which took place in Florida, has already wrapped, but Montgomery’s other two projects are yet to begin production. Both are ambitious, and both defy simple explanation. The first, titled Went Up That Hill, comes from Samuel Van Grinsven, a New Zealand-born, Sydney-based director who became a festival circuit favourite with his feature debut Sequin in a Blue Room.

In essence, Montgomery says the film is an assessment of abuse and how trauma lingers from our childhoods. Beyond the message of the film though, it’s the challenging acting work—he’s heading to Berlin to work with co-star Vicky Krieps (Phantom Thread, Old), Van Grinsven and a movement coach to prepare for the complex role—that has attracted him.

The same goes for Faces of Death, the other project Montgomery has been linked to, which is a remake of a 1978 American mondo horror film notoriously banned for years in countries across the world, including Australia, due to its graphic depictions of death. “I have a really interesting co-star [Euphoria’s Barbie Ferreira] who I love, and the character is a serial killer, and for me, it was like, ‘what’s the thing that’s going to scare me so much about creating this character?’” he says of the film, “So I rang the director and I was like, ‘I want to go visit a serial killer in a state penitentiary in the state of California when I'm back because it scares the shit out of me’.”

After these films wrap up, Montgomery plans to start his journey into directing. “I want to direct my first movie and right now I'm in the process of working on the script with my writer and then I'm going to go on the process of trying to put the movie together,” he says, and he won’t give much more than that away, but if there’s anything we’d wager on, it’s that the movie will be challenging—both to make and in concept.

If these types of films don’t sound like they’ll be box office smashes or Oscar bait, Montgomery isn’t worried. “To me, the success of the movie is in the making of the movie,” he says. “And the outcome of the movie looks like a cathartic experience making [it], as opposed to some other thing like, ‘Oh, I want to get into this film festival and I want the film to have a 4.0 on Letterboxd.’ That's not what I'm doing it for.”

The same attitude goes for his partnership with Politix. Beyond filmmaking, Montgomery is passionate about the way that fashion allows him to control his direct experience. “I suffer from incredibly bad OCD,” he shares, “And I have always found comfort in controlling my surroundings, and that is fabric. My mood is very affected by what I have on my skin and what I have in my space and what I can smell and all that sort of stuff bleeds into my personal life aside from fashion.”

As with his project selection in cinema, the aesthetics are one thing, but for Montgomery to come on board he has to believe in the direction of the project.

“I'm interested in [Politix’s] reworking of the company and what they’re doing to reshape it for 2023 and onwards. But what I was genuinely interested in is that sensitivity of masculinity because that really is me. I am a very sensitive person. I'm very sensitive to my space and to interactions in my life. And I think this whole campaign is really about unpacking what is that.”

Once Montgomery signed on with Politix to become its new face, as with his films, he was all in. From the campaign direction to the execution of the advertising, Montgomery has been instrumental. He’s not just arriving, taking some photos and leaving—as with the photoshoot accompanying this shoot, he’s trying to make it the best he can.

“I want the product to be good, just as good as they want the product to be and not hopefully from a narcissistic point of view, from a point of view of I want it to be good,” he says, “That's more important to me than the paycheck or how many people see it or how successful the campaign is. That's the through line for me.”

It’s this sheer dedication to craft and passion for the work that has seen Montgomery through to where he is today. It’s what made that Stranger Things audition tape so arresting and, if he pulls off his big swings, may just make him one of the most memorable actors Australia has produced. Whether those ambitious punches land or not, there’s no doubt about one thing: Montgomery is ready to do the work.

PRODUCTION CREDITS:

Words by Charlie Calver

Photography by Jesse Lizotte

Styling by Miguel Urbina Tan

Fashion assisting by Isabella Mamas

Grooming by Joel Foreman

Production by Jade Carp

Dacre Montgomery wears Politix throughout; politix.com.au

[astorytotellyourfriends]

so @cyraclove sent me this fb reel (bc she's secretly a grandma) that was these two guys reacting to some reddit post about a guy who couldn't stay hard after his gf (or maybe just some girl he was hooking up with idk) told him to knock her up during sex and both of them were like THAT WOULD NOOOOT BE A PROBLEM FOR ME

and naturally my brain went "that's so eddie."

but then it went "oh shit that's also steve."

and so naturally together we decided that eddie and steve start a podcast called something like Reluctant Friends and their whole shtick is that their partners (chrissy and billy, respectively) are best friends and therefore they're forced to be around each other a lot and this is their way of trying to find common ground so they don't annoy the fuck out of each other all the time (but they still totally do anyway)

the first couple episodes are probably just them bitching about each other while also going on tangent after tangent about how it doesn't make any sense whatsoever that chrissy and billy are such good friends because they're COMPLETE opposites and yet their bond is unbreakable (surprise! it's childhood trauma)

but when they inevitably (i.e., very quickly) run out of things to talk about they start reacting to shitty relationship posts on reddit and they come across That Post and discover that they both have a serious breeding kink and voila! common ground.

(that episode goes viral. chrissy is extremely embarrassed but also behind closed doors she is very on board with eddie's breeding kink, while billy never stops teasing steve about it both in public and private.)

[itwasntimethatdidit40]

Hey there!

I wanted to post that for a while so, here we are.

Wondering who’s behind this blog?

Here’s something about me under the cut:

• I identify as a woman, my pronouns are she/her

• Born and raised in Italy, I still live there.

• I’m 141 LOL but according to people I still look like I’m in my 30s so let me indulge in that, thank you very much.

• I don't think there's anyone who makes me more feral than Joel Miller. I just can’t help it. My (un)holy Pedro characters triad is Joel, Oberyn and Peña 💕 (immediately followed by Frankie)

• I have a little elephant pendant that I always wear, no one knows what it's about *wink*

• I’m Leo Sun, Libra Rising and Aries Moon. You scared? I promise I don’t bite, unless explicitly requested 😏

• I’m Bi/Pan as fuck, always been obviously but I realized only last year. LOL, better late than never i guess. I only have problems with cisgender white males because I mean… they’re the worst, okay, I don’t make the rules.

• Single, unmarried, not interested in having kids even a little bit, I prefer to be the cool auntie.

• I love cooking and I'm quite good at it, I had good genes from my Italian grandmas 😌

• I can’t function without coffee, especially in the morning. I take my coffee bitter with just a little bit of milk.

• I can’t stand lies, the phrase “oh I didn't tell you so as not to make you suffer” (UGH, no you didn’t tell me ‘cause you’re a fucking coward and that’s it, my friend), misogyny, racism, fascism, homophobia, bi-erasure, any other form of verbal or physical violence towards LGBTQIA+ people, injustice in general, if you are any of the above you are not welcome here or in my life.

• I love dogs. I have a poodle named Brienne after the GOT character, she’s 5 years old so that means she got me through pandemic and she’s my love and joy. Isn’t she adorable? Yes, she is.

• I’m unfortunately allergic to cats (yep, like Pedro) and can’t pet them unless I wish for an asthma attack. That sucks, I know.

• I have deep brown curly hair, brown eyes and I’m short (158 cm).

• I have a lot of freckles, you could go on a treasure hunt following them.

• I’ve been to more than 100 concerts in my life including some festivals abroad.

• I currently listen to Hozier and Chappell Roan on a daily basis. I also love Billie Eilish, used to be a big Muse fan (listen, their first albums were great, okay) plus I’m a sucker for ‘90/‘00 music ‘cause that’s the music I grew up with.

• I love beer more than wine.

• I love reading, I used to read all the time, I have less time to do it now and it bothers me so much. I’m still reading fanfiction though. 🤭

• I’m a sucker for True Crime Podcasts, I only listen to Italian ones for now so unless you’re Italian you don’t know my faves and it’s a pity ‘cause they’re really good.

• Cults scare the shit out of me but at the same time they’re one of the things that makes me more curious ‘cause my mind can’t really comprehend what happens in people’s mind when they get sucked into them.

• Some tv series I love in no particular order: The Last of Us, Breaking Bad, Better Call Saul, Lost, The Handmaid’s Tale, Bojack Horseman, GOT (until seasons 7 & 8 happened 💀), Sense 8, Jane the Virgin, Grace and Frankie, Narcos, Only Murders in the building, The Bear, Succession, The Morning Show, Friends, Stranger Things (mostly because Jim Hopper is there, certainly not for those z*onists, you know), Mad Men, Gilmore Girls (Luke Danes *cough*), Mindhunter, Peaky Blinders (huge Tommy Shelby’s slut, don’t look at me like that, okay), My Brilliant Friend, The Affair, Black Mirror (until last seasons happened but it used to be one of the greatest things ever), The Walking Dead (got bored halfway through season 9, I recently started a rewatch and I hope to get to the very end of it lol), Fleabag, Normal People, When They See Us, Hill House, Bly Manor, Midnight Mass, Chernobyl.

• Films I love in no particular order: Parasite, Aftersun, Past Lives, All of Us Strangers, Brokeback Mountain, Almost Famous, The Goonies, Stand By Me, The Breakfast Club, The Killing of a Sacred Deer, The Lobster, The Neon Demon, Midsommar, One Day, When Harry Met Sally, There’s still tomorrow, Strange Way of Life, Prospect, The Banshess of Inisherin, Coco, The Emperor’s New Groove (so underrated), Mommy, The Virgin Suicides, Girls Interrupted, Saltburn, Promising Young Woman, Little Women (1994), Gone Girl, Shoplifters, Bin-Jip 3 Iron, Love Me If You Dare, The Piano, Fried Green Tomatoes, Notorious, Some like it Hot, Rear Window and you can ask for my Letterboxd account for more.

• Bad weather makes me sad and melancholy.

• I obviously love Italian cuisine with all my heart but I also love to try new dishes especially when I’m abroad. I love chocolate and I have a sweet tooth in general but there’s nothing I crave more than good carbs (I can be happy with a slice of good bread or focaccia). I love spicy food but I can't handle it when it’s very very spicy.

• I love bags, I have so many bags and I still want more lol

• When I was a kid I wanted to be a writer or a journalist. What do I do now? I’m a secretary LOL (I also have a second job not related to writing as well)

• As a friend, I’m loyal to the bone, I could do anything for you if I love you. If you betray me real bad though don’t expect a second chance, I mean I could try but I know i can’t ‘cause you’re changed forever in my eyes.

• I have so many kinks, you can ask if you want to know, okay. Also, so many authors here are responsible for giving me new ones. I love you deeply.

If you want to know more my asks and dm are open!

Here’s a little bit of me, byeeeee.

[spiders-hth-is-an-outlier]

This is a post absolutely nobody asked for because 0 of you follow me for Takes on music, but one of the pop music podcasts I listen to has been all in on Pop Girl Spring, and they played a little game the other week where they did a draft for the top 10 songs from all the albums they’ve been covering – so that’s the new releases by Taylor Swift, Beyonce, Maggie Rogers, Gracie Abrams, Dua Lipa, Billie Eilish, Charli XCX, Ariana Grande, and Kacey Musgraves, plus the currently charting album-less singles by Sabrina Carpenter and Chappell Roan.  And while I don’t have the fun structure of a competitive draft to play with, it did make me sit down and hash out my own Top 10, and I have literally nowhere to put the fruits of all that effort except Tumblr, so here’s way, way more words than anyone asked for about POP GIRL SPRING.

Listed in not-exactly no particular order, but also not in This Specific Order, like, this is not a countdown, I’m not ranking them with great specificity or anything.  The 10 songs I need on my imaginary Pop League Team.

Good Luck, Babe! (Chappell Roan): Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess is a great album and I think Roan has a great career ahead of her (knock on wood), but this is the first song she’s released that feels like a Timeless Hit to me, like the kind of thing that’s going to show up in Buzzfeed quizzes in the 2040s about picking the best songs from this decade.  On god, this could be one of the best pop choruses ever written – starting with that fucking high note is such a flex! – and it’s such a poster child for how great, earwormy pop music can tell a fairly specific story and make it feel deeply universal.  Legendary.  No notes.

Espresso (Sabrina Carpenter): SONG OF THE SUMMER.  Is it a better pop song than Good Luck, Babe?  No.  Is it the Song of the Summer anyway?  Yes, because those aren’t supposed to be Timeless, they’re supposed to make you forever remember *this specific summer* in your life.  It’s a great song with an unbeatable hook, and I dig the fact that it makes just slightly less sense than it probably should – caffeine is the metaphor for…how you’re going to stay up nights thinking about Sabrina Carpenter?  Okay.  Whatever you say.  It’s not a song about anything, which sometimes is bad but in this case is amazing, and there’s something marvelously audacious about committing to lines like “walked in and dream-came-true’d it for ya.”  Bonkers.  Delightful.  Carpenter has put out like 4 albums which does not seem possible for someone I up until now only vaguely remembered as “was on that nostalgia-bait Boy Meets World sequel series,” but man, she came to play with this one.

BILLIE GETS TWO

BIRDS OF A FEATHER: Hit Me Hard and Soft is a fantastic album, managing to edge further into straight-up pop territory without compromising the distinctive voice that’s made Eilish the Snobby Music Critic’s Pop Princess.  I have no idea how long she’s going to be able to (or want to) keep splitting the difference between these two identities, but she’s doing it right now, probably doing it better than anyone since Little-Earthquakes-era Tori Amos.  I chose this song because I think it does the best job of fusing those elements: it’s a right-down-the-middle love song in the classic pop vein of “i know my baby is a life-ruining trainwreck but honestly i do not care,” and it’s got good mid-tempo ballad structure with that little bit of haunted-ness that is Eilish’s signature sound, and I just think it’s probably the most solid song on the album.

CHIHIRO: This one is my *favorite* song on the album, which is why it’s here.  I don’t know what it’s about.  It’s not particularly “radio-friendly” (is that a thing anymore? What do we say instead of that? Digestible?)  It’s slinky and vaguely threatening and it just feels like a song that nobody else could do. It’s the one that’s been most consistently stuck in my head since I first listened to the album.  I feel like it’s flying under the radar a little, but I’m super here for it.

The Kill (Maggie Rogers): I feel like people sleep on Maggie Rogers because her marketing aesthetic seems kind of like, navel-gazing folky singer-songwriter, which is not all that Of the Moment right now.  But the thing is, that’s really not accurate at all!  Her music is just straight down-the-middle, strongly crafted pop, WHY is she not more famous?  She’s so good!  Don’t Forget Me is just so, so solid as a pop album, crammed full of songs that are massive hits in some alternate universe. “It Was Coming All Along” is my personal favorite, but for this list I’m sticking with The Kill, just because it seems to be the closest thing to a breakout hit off the album and I want to hype it up.  It’s a bouncy, incredibly sing-along-able song about a mutually destructive relationship, what is not to love.  Pop music was invented for this.

BEYONCE ALSO GETS TWO

BODYGUARD:  Look, I’m going to level with you, I wanted to like Cowboy Carter a lot more than I did. For me, the album has exactly the same flaw as Renaissance did, which is that it fundamentally feels like Beyonce has done a *ton* of research for her music history degree, stuffed every bit of it into the album, and by god you are going to listen to her senior thesis on the Black roots of popular music.  Both albums are like – so smart and so sincere and they just feel – a little bogged down to me.  I don’t know.  This may be entirely because I am just not on Beyonce’s level here, but there’s something about Cowboy Carter that makes it hard for me to really love as an album, rather than as a project.  That said, there were several tracks I really liked, and this one’s probably my favorite, maybe because it sounds the most authentically like a Beyonce track to me.  Whatever you think of Jay-Z or of the Carters’ marriage, it’s undeniable that a huge part of her as an artist and a human is tied up in this idea of being one half of their partnership, and when she does these “it’s me and my baby versus all the rest of you bitches” songs, she always strikes what to my ear is her most authentic, heartfelt notes.  BODYGUARD has a cool, California-road-trip kind of vibe that puts me in mind a little of “03 Bonnie & Clyde,” but appropriately, more grown-up now.

YA YA: After complaining that a lot of her recent music feels a little too overstuffed with References, I have to say that this is one of the worst offenders – but it fuckin works.  This feels deeply retro but not at all in a corny way, a great update of a certain kind of mid-century honky-tonk music that makes it feel vital and current.  I don’t think Beyonce has truly hit the same high in terms of weaving her politics and her music together since Lemonade, but to me this song stands up well alongside that album (which for the record, I think was a generational achievement, a truly transcendent work of art).  Also, as appropriate for a song whose theme is “shake your ass in defiance of a world that does not care about you,” the ass-shaking game is on point!  I honestly wish this song had received all the success that went to TEXAS HOLD ‘EM, which is a song I truthfully feel is hokey and try-hard.  This one covers the same ground but infinitely better.

Von Dutch (Charli XCX): I am a naysayer to Brat Summer, I’m sorry to say; I think Charli is a fairly decent pop musician and Brat is a fairly decent pop album, but I do Not get the hype.  It’s got some worthwhile tracks, and I do appreciate that she’s allowed some space to excavate less-common themes in pop music – songs about wondering if now is when she should be having kids, about wrestling with the way that other women bring out her personal insecurities – rather than just the genre staples of Love and Partying and Being Awesome.  That said.  I think the best song on the album is just a regular-degular banger about partying and being awesome.  If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

YES, TAYLOR ALSO GETS TWO (man, it’s a 31-track double album! Get off my back!)

Down Bad: One of the things I don’t think Swift gets credit for, due to being overshadowed by the Harrowing Constant Drama of her personal life, is that she legitimately has a dry, off-kilter sense of humor that brings much-needed levity to the Harrowing Constant Drama of her body of work.  TTPD is, among other things, a *funny,* self-aware album about how knowing full well that your emotions are absolutely unhinged vis-a-vis actual reality doesn’t actually do jack shit to keep you from drowning in those emotions.  A lot of the hate for this album has really come from people who Do Not get the joke, who are cherry-picking verses and single lines from deeply self-aware songs without providing the context of that self-awareness.  I love this song.  I love the chorus: crying at the gym is a detail that’s perfectly, wryly relatable in its absurdity, and “everything comes out teenage petulance / fuck it, if I can’t have him I might just die” in that swingy, chipper groove is exactly why no one does it like she does, packing all that ambiguity and frustration and self-loathing of your own irrationality into a great hook.  I love the fuckin alien abduction framing device to talk about a relationship whose impact inside your own head and heart is wildly out of proportion to its impact on the materiality of your daily life – a relationship that *might as well have* happened on an entirely different planet than the one everyone else lives on.  It’s great.  This is a great song.

The Albatross: So I wanted for the second TTPD track to pick something from the other side of Swift, the one that *is* deeply, irretrievably, uncomfortably emotionally sincere.  There were definitely some strong contenders, but I kept coming back to this song, which I actually have heard very little chatter about, but has snuck up on me as an album favorite.  I try not to get too lost in the labyrinth of Swift’s endless Easter eggs and self-mythologizing, but this is a song that I do think benefits from understanding its place in her personal biography; specifically I think it gains a lot from seeing it as a companion piece to “The Archer,” a softly agonized song from the beginning of a relationship about the duality of predator and prey, about wanting to go all-in but dreading the part of you that you know is capable of sabotaging this.  The Albatross is – a softly agonized song from the ending of that same relationship about the duality of destruction and salvation, about wanting so much to protect someone you used to love from the havoc *that same love* has ultimately inflicted on their life.  There’s a whole novel lying in the space between these two songs, and both of them feel raw and intimate in the way they expose the pain and vulnerability and shame that shadow the act of allowing yourself to love someone.  TTPD was, in my opinion, rushed out too quickly, an experiment in presenting Swift’s emotions in a more unprocessed, uncrafted way to make a statement about art as a survival mechanism during emotional times, but an experiment that doesn’t entirely work; it truly could have benefited from another six to twelve months of cooking and a strong editorial pass.  To me, this song is a glimpse of what TTPD could have been if instead of being rushed to press in the middle of her ginormous tour for the sake of her own catharsis, it had been given the space and attention that Folklore/Evermore were given.  The Albatross is truly (like The Archer before it) an optimal wedding of Swift as a chronicler of her own interiority and Swift as a generationally gifted musical craftsman.

(I had a couple of also-rans, so shout out to Dua Lipa’s “Happy For You,” a song I really loved off an album I thought was kinda phoned-in overall, and Gracie Abrams’s “Tough Love,” through which I learned that there could potentially be something interesting about Gracie Abrams, someday.)

[ithappensoffstage]

r&g report

I had the privilege of seeing rosencrantz & guildenstern are dead with billy boyd and dominic monaghan on march 5! a few people asked for my thoughts after, so here's a sort of stream of consciousness report that may or may not be comprehensive depending on what you're looking for out of said theatre report

anyway I do genuinely believe boydmonaghan are literally the only people who can and should ever play r&g

to start off I will say that this was my first time seeing r&g staged -- I've previously just read it A LOT -- so I can't make comparisons to other productions. I am also a lifetime fan of theatre and have been somewhat involved, but do lack some technical knowledge, so apologies if I can't cover some aspects accurately!

most important of course, boydmonaghan were stellar. their comfort and familiarity with one another is amazing to witness. of course it's staged, but none of their movements come across as anything other than two old friends. they move together like dance partners; there's really no other way to put it. when you put on a show with someone you're so intimate with, it just comes through in the physicality in ways that aren't replicable with people meeting just for one production. watching them as r&g just feels like you're watching them hanging out. they anticipate each other's movements beautifully, lean into each other naturally, play off each other with such comfortable rapport that you feel like you're watching childhood friends goofing off from your corner of the party.

and the RAPPORT I mean wow. damn. if you're familiar with r&g -- the question game scene? holy shit. breathtaking quickness. they are rapid-fire, on each other's heels in the vein of the best comedies. for everyone who knows my tastes of course, they have * the * hawkbeej dynamic. (I almost cried watching because I kept thinking of my beloved url namesake fic.)

great pacing, great chemistry. even when they're sitting still you can still feel the intimacy between them in just how they arrange themselves. lots of staging to reflect mirroring, lots of staging to reflect the thematic element of identity (sorry, I'm rosencrantz; he's guildenstern), etc. great costuming choice -- billy wears green except his blue waistcoat; dom wear blue but for his green waistcoat.

their deliveries were nothing short of spectacular. that of course wraps into pacing and chemistry as mentioned above. but I do feel it's worth mentioning again that they're both so good at speaking their lines. they have such rhythm with each other. and of course that's going to happen--they have a podcast, theyre incredibly close friends, but it's so great to see in a setting with predetermined script, predetermined runtime. again, youre watching two friends who are off their minds at a party really Go Through It.

boydmonaghan aside, I had some general issues with the production. they had quite regular sound errors, and made some sound design choices with music and vocal warping/autotune that were not to my taste. there was a cool echo element utilized that I liked a lot. as I mentioned I don't know other productions so I don't know if this is standard practice, but for this one it was quite fun. coin echoing, echoing around the stage when they shouted into the wings to give you that sense of being trapped. when they spoke to the audience space, it felt enormous, and as if they were speaking to you specifically. I just got so distracted by the mic problems and weird autotune.

the autotune moments were exclusive to the hamlet scenes. that brings me to the other actors. the player himself was magnetic. phenomenal. so much presence. emcee cabaret presence. great stuff. hamlet? so lacking imo. he played hamlet very angry and masculine, which is a choice I guess, but not how I like to see hamlet done. it did make some of the intersectional scenes a little jarring; which, I know is not entirely without reason, but it just wasn't my ideal way to play it.

other than the question scene, one of my favorite scenes in the original text of r&g is when they're talking about leaving the stage, and they continue to make excuses not to. "i think he went this way / maybe that way / why don't you come with me it'll be safer / we should try this direction / oh we should actually wait in case he comes back here." the director did skip this dialogue, which I think gives the indication of less agency for r&g. a little less participation, a little more of things happening to them. which is fine. I have no feelings either way of a better way to do it, but that is just the sense I got of it.

the stage is very small, the set is very cramped. lots of overt use of trapped imagery. theyre often crowded into specific space, sitting very close. when they make space, they make SPACE, indicating periods of disagreement. pretty basic staging for this, I'd assume.

outside staging, very cool lighting, although I am generally against scenes with "party lighting." again, not sure what typical lighting is the scenes with the players that got that, but I could have left it out. similarly, we got a scene with "rock" lighting, and I just thought it was too on the nose / in bad taste. arguable how meta you need meta/absurdist work to be ofc but that decision wasn't for me.

the other lighting choices were great. it starts SO dark. I had lower balcony seating and have great vision, but the start spotlight was so soft the two of them were damn fuzzy for me at the beginning. they gradually get more light in the spotlight, and then it expands. there was a great sunrise moment where they turned the Big Warm Light on the audience and it truly felt like a sunrise over me. the final "rosenc--? guilden--? now you see me / now you don't" from billy was beautifully performed. the lights split the stage into two distinct chambers, truly separating r&g for the first time despite any previous physical distance. I did get a little choked up.

(the final hamlet scene that follows jarred me from the emotion a bit because the horatio actor didn't even try at an accent ToT and it was just weirdly red-lit and they came in with the autotune for the Big End of Speech). and I wish they hadn't made it so Intense and Dramatic because they of course we get our time loop / back to the start / they start on "heads!" and it's such a hold-your-breath type moment. boydmonaghan are good enough that it brought me back but damn. (horatio actor please don't skip vocal lessons again.)

and yeah then I skipped stage door because it made me a little uncomfortable and I went home!

I was very lucky to go and I took my lovely wife (who liked it very much despite only having seen hamlet the day before lol). anyway if you can go I highly recommend! I am even considering pulling a @thealogie and going to see if I can scoop some last-minute box office tickets one of my remaining days here.

ask box is of course open for any questions <3

quick edit: I will say, sincerely, the r&g audience was one of the worst audiences I’ve been in. none of these people knew what the fuck was going on. I wanted to eject them all from their seats into the city skyline and have the theatre to myself (+ wife). literally constantly “what” “what is going on” “huh” from around us. go away. mutuals please come see this show so I can sit with you and not next to someone trying to have a y/n when they look at the audience.

edit 2: I think I mentioned but I did have lower balcony seating. I could see well! I think I might have preferred to be a bit closer just for the microexpressions I probably missed, but I would echo others in saying there really were no *bad * seats at all.

edit 3: stage door is out front to the left of the main doors if you're interested. I personally was not (I already have something signed by billy/have met him multiple times, and would prefer to meet dom at a comic con setting because that makes me more comfortable than stage door).

[mermaidsirennikita]

ARC REVIEW: The Stars Too Fondly by Emily Hamilton

4/5. Releases 6/11/24.

Vibes: everyone is queer, pretty much, grumpy x sunshine, grieving and falling in love, BIG MYSTERY--HUGE

Heat Index: 5/10

Cleo is obsessed with space--which is what leads to her friends accidentally launching a ship towards Proxima Centauri (and it will take... seven years there and back for them to return to Earth; if they survive). But in her defense, she was just trying to find out what happened to the crew that disappeared on launch day twenty years ago! And the the dark matter engine kicked off on its own! Fortunately (?) they're quickly joined by a hologram of Billie, the ship's vanished captain. Unfortunately, she doesn't remember exactly what happened. Or what's going to happen now. Also, she seems to really dislike Cleo--or does she?

OH, this was a lot. Both in terms of genres--it's like, sci-fi with some pretty hard science, I think, knowing nothing about science, plus a bit of magic, plus romcom, plus like... a treatise on loss and loving again?--and plot. This is definitely, ultimately, a romance. And it it's really quite beautiful. Yes, there are jokes, yes there's a mystery that actually gave me a bit of the creeps (in a good way), but ultimately this is about one woman who's gone through this massive loss having her heart cracked open by someone who's sort of given up on everything that seems to matter to her and is trying to ignore that by charging into space.

It bit off a lot. Like, this is a big swing of a book, and it's not perfectly perfect. But it is really good.

Quick Takes:

--This is a textbook grumpy/sunshine book. Billie is a take-no-prisoners alpha bitch, and even in hologram form (to be clear: the hologram is fully sentient, the "real" Billie essentially uploaded her consciousness into the ship right before disappearing) she isn't afraid to boss people around. She has a hard shell, and she's not easy to get through to.

Cleo, on the other hand, is bright and curious and perhaps doesn't take life seriously enough (which is definitely in part a coping mechanism for how badly the Earth is doing... which uh, hit pretty close to home!). Billie puts her in order and forces her to face shit head on; Cleo forces Billie to be a kinder, gentler person and breaks through her walls in a way she really needs. Their love story is really touching, and if you're the type of person who loves to see a hardened person get broken down by falling in love (like me) you'll love this.

--There's so much representation in this cast of characters! The "crew" is made up of an Asian man, Abe, whose partner (also in the group) Kaleisha is a Black trans woman. You also have Rose, who's non-binary, Cleo, who's a Black lesbian, and Billie, a bi woman, making up the primary team. It's all woven in very naturally, and you get the sense that everyone cares for each other and has this sense of solidarity. Just little things, like everyone checking to see if the ship has the hormones Kaleisha needs (don't worry, it does).

I also actually really appreciated the way that Billie was implied to be a woman who primarily dated women and then had her sexuality questioned after she got engaged to a man. Her relationship with the fiance she lost, Neil, is a huge part of who she is--and it's not invalidated by her falling in love with Cleo, or vice versa. In fact, so much of Billie's arc is informed by her grief and pain. She literally ran to space to escape her grief, and it's like--you just can't. And you also can't avoid the reality of moving on, and the fear that comes with loving people you may lose. Oof.

--The mystery was so eerie? Like, the idea of an entire crew of astronauts just disappearing right when they were meant to be launched into space... can you imagine the podcasts?

Hamilton wove this in really well--you get news articles, and especially comms between members of the crew, most of them involving Billie. Which is... man. It feels so sinister, and it also feels a bit separate from the Billie you see in the active present, because this is the "disappeared" Billie, not the hologram. It was a little stomach-churning for me, because, though I knew this was a romance and therefore would have an HEA, I still felt so worried for her and worried about what she was withholding.

--My one critique would be that I do feel like the story goes on a bit long, and could have had the ending shortened a bit. You kind of have this big climactic moment, and then we have to pick up the pieces and hurry to tie up loose ends. Which couldn't be entirely avoided, given the plot of the novel, but could have been a bit tidier. Not a huge issue at all, though, and it was nice to sort of bask in Billie and Cleo's relationship at that point.

The Sex:

So like. Billie is a hologram. Therefore, she can't touch or be touched. Which does put a hold on the physical sex in the novel, but doesn't stop it from being sexy and sexual. I mean, in a lot of ways I found the tension between Billie and Cleo hotter than some of the klutzy sex scenes I've read recently--and that's saying something coming from me, Little Miss Write More Sex.

That said, there is one full sex scene in the book, and it is quite hot. Won't tell you how it comes about, but you won't be dissatisfied. Neither were they.

I am not a sci-fi person. I'm not against it, but I often find it difficult to follow and a bit too cerebral for me to get emotionally involved, even when it's a sci-fi romance. This is the kind of sci-fi that works for me. It exists to serve the characters, and while the science is definitely fairly involved, it's not difficult to understand. (At least for me.)

I keep coming back to this, but I just found the emotional themes of the novel really moving in a way I didn't expect. It felt kind of heartbreaking at points. But thanks to the magic of a romance novel, it comes back to this circle of love and warmth (which really does transcend romantic love, too--the platonic bonds in this novel are great). My heart was full.

Thanks to NetGalley and Harper Voyager for providing me with a copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

[ronanceautistic]

I’m feeling spiteful and I need to bash something without looking uh, spiteful, so. Let’s talking about Nancy’s bullying in Season 1!

I feel like people don’t realise it runs deeper than just Steve thinking Nancy cheated on Jonathan. Tommy and Carol did not like her before the season even begun and they showed it! Also the whole thing about conforming? About Jonathan saying Nancy only likes Steve because she’s trying to be something she isn’t. It absolutely would make sense if Steve begun liking Nancy first and Nancy (perhaps even subconsciously) saw it as a way to stop being bullied. But it didn’t even work because instead of getting off of Nancy’s back they just piled onto Steve, too. Any opportunity they had to make Nancy feel shit about herself they took. I feel like Jonathan’s perception of Nancy in S1 makes more sense when you take into account that she would’ve been on the same level socially as him, but maybe one above because at least she had a friend. Another detail is when Nancy walks down the corridor and says she feels like people are staring at her, THEY WERE! It wasn’t in her head, people literally were staring at her in that scene.

Also after the slut sign, I’m certain that would’ve carried over into school. Like, yeah, Steve removed it the same day but we already know at least one kid outside that group saw it and that is definitely something you’d tell other people. And I think kids would find it extra funny to laugh at Nancy because first she’s the priss and then she’s the slut. Not to mention the fact that she hung out with Jonathan at school whilst still dating Steve, which would caused rumours. Not to mention, the Halloween party outburst which ended in Jonathan taking Nancy home. Not to mention the fact that she literally does end up dating Jonathan. It’s not like anyone at that point would be interested in defending Steve or whatever, but any opportunity to make fun of someone, high schoolers will take it.

Also Tommy and Carol both liked Billy which kinda tells you everything about them.

ALSO - to quote the Robin Buckley, who would not go near those types of people with a ten foot pole but that’s uh neither here nor there. In the podcast she says that a nerd alone is something worth talking about. And thinking about how Nancy became an alone nerd through really weird circumstances and that would’ve also been a way to start rumours. Or think about what it would’ve been like for her after Barb’s official death announcement, this whispers in the corridors etc? or after Fred’s. Or the fact that her brother was friends with Eddie.

Aaanyways.

[lastweeksshirttonight]

We're back with Strike Force Five episode two, which seems to have randomly dropped at some point after I went to bed on Saturday. I enjoy when podcasts just randomly drop episodes, honestly, makes the whole thing feel more authentically chaotic.

I started listening to this while trying to figure out how to draft for fantasy football. I am not a football fan. I don't follow football. I don't know how to do fantasy. I very much procrastinated on that by doing these notes. My team is graded C- by Yahoo btw, which is two full grades higher than I expected.

Notes under the cut y'all.

This episode opens with Fallon talking about how he forgot his show's shirts glow in the dark. Apparently Billy Crystal tried to sleep in one recently and discovered this; John also noted a time when he was trying to get his infant son to sleep while wearing one of Fallon's shirts and saying it glowed "too well".

The audience for this podcast is obviously 30-something office drones like me. I say this because Atlassian is now running ads during the podcast. They must sense that everyone listening to this has it open in tab one while having their task-overrun Jira boards open in tabs two through five. John also completely "ruins" this ad - which was very on the rails for a decent amount of time! - by suggesting that Atlassian sounds like "one of those plans G. Gordon Liddy had to relect Nixon". Fallon also claims Atlassian is the name of his Fortnite character. (I wonder how my boss feels about both of those lol)

Everyone opens by briefly talking about how many staff they have. Stephen has 210, Kimmel has about 180 + 13 writers + a bunch of crew, Fallon thinks he has 305, and John jokingly says he has 500 people before admitting he misses his legal and research staff. He's ready to say things he thinks are true, instead of "things that are legally defensible".

Stephen: "Would you guys be okay if I had a little Casamigos, I got a bottle right here...?" John: "It's 7:30 in the morning, why not?" Seth: "That's like a 24 ounce 7-11 cup..." I'm so glad this is all in an auditory medium.

John is going to continue shitting on whatever alcohol company he shat on last week, and called it "pond water". I am guessing it's somehow related to Bud Light but that doesn't really track with tequila advertising, so who knows. I have in a past life had Bud Light Margarita in a Bag once, maybe John also suffered that unique hell.

If it IS Bud Light John is talking about, I have no idea how Stephen talking about Budweiser wanting him to be the voice for a Budweiser energy drink/caffeinated beer called B to the E/B 2 the E didn't get cut. This was in about 2001-2002, so well before Four Loko, and the ad copy contained things like "your friends are heading home AND YOU'RE JUST GETTING STARTED!" (John is quietly dying in the background the entire fucking time before Googling if it ever came out. It did! Fallon is flatly like "that's illegal" in a completely baffled tone early on.)

We are 8 minutes into an hour-long podcast. Just informing you, in case you were wondering. Why yes I am obsessed/bad at football why do you ask

Kimmel insists that his early seasons - "for the first eight to eleven years" - were the worst of anyone's on the podcast. He said this after talking about, on his show, Mr. T and Jim Belushi hating each other and almost about to fight each other, his cousin doing pillow-fights early on and causing a catastrophe one episode by fighting Lennox Lewis culminating with Anna Nicole Smith falling into a cake, and another pillow fight with Tom Arnold ruining his suede jacket. I forget that Kimmel is partially of the Jerry Springer era, if not on his late-night show then from his other work, and this just really reminded me of that.

Mariah Carey wanted to be interviewed by Seth Meyers during Christmas in a functional sleigh. John tells a story about watching Watch What Happens Live where Andy Cohen, on live TV by himself, said that Mariah Carey was in the building but would not sit on the side where guests usually sit on his show and was desperately trying to fill time. Mariah seems fun.

If I had to imagine Hell for Stephen Colbert, it would be "having to fill in for a guest on The Daily Show and turning down an advanced screening of The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring". That scenario seems tailor-made to completely destroy him.

I'm glad I remember that Ben and Jerry bit Stephen and Fallon are talking about. I would love to know what this whole explanation sounds like to someone who does not remember the whole "best friends" late night "wars" of the time. Here's the bit btw. (Your daily reminder that the CC website sucks ass.)

I forgot Fallon started his show two weeks before Seth. I must have completely blanked out how quickly all of those hosts changed in 2014 (and then John starting the same year).

I'm with John on this one, "Allen key" makes waaaaaay more sense than "Allen wrench". It's a fucking key! The amount of shit I've had to put together with those goddamn things, it's not a wrench at ALL.

One thing I learned today: chairs are very serious business for most of the hosts. Fallon keeps a chair backstage to see how someone will look in chairs on the set, and to confirm that's okay with the guests. Seth, meanwhile, had chairs that John feel like he was being interviewed to be on Seth's show. And Stephen has all different sizes of chairs, to make everyone feel comfortable when they're on the show. (This is where things go predictably off the rails, as Seth then claims he has chairs that get smaller and smaller to keep guests on their toes.)

John's guest are was the most expensive part of his set, and they never used it. Somehow that doesn't surprise me. I was shocked they have a guest booker, though. (Stephen: "Wow what a cushy gig!")

Kimmel's live show ceased being live when Thomas Jane said "fuck" nineteen times on air and affiliates/censors were mad. Apparently on network you CAN technically say anything past ten p.m., according to Kimmel, but that's not the reality of the situation.

Seth: "People forget about the early 2000s. If you were a sports fan, you would often say, 'I wonder who won the big game... let's watch the Kimmel monologue.'" This is exactly what the 2000s were like, kids.

Seth and Fallon both were told by SNL showrunner Lorne Michaels that it would take them 18 months to get comfortable with their shows and figure out how to use them. Seth definitely felt that was wrong and he'd only take 6 months... but the first time he started the show from behind his desk was almost 18 months to the day from his first episode.

Stephen has an unaired 3-minute opening credits sequence that he wants to show on his last episode if possible. John also had a longer title sequence that he loved, but that his producer said he'd be constantly going over for time and he'd need to cut it down, lest he get continually furious over not having enough time for his actual show.

Fallon talks about how his first interview was with notoriously reticent and quiet Robert DeNiro, who gave Fallon one-word answers for literally everything. John asks if anyone told him he was starting from a high difficulty degree, but is interrupted by Stephen remembering a Space Train sketch in the middle of Fallon's interview featuring DeNiro.

Stephen remembers more about Fallon's show than Fallon does, which is wild. Stephen probably remembers more about everyone's show than they do, based on the first two episodes.

Stephen calling The Colbert Report "a totally different beast and maybe doesn't even fit in this conversation" made me sad. Tell me all the Report gossip!!!

Stephen telling the story of how he made the Public Access Show for Monroe, Michigan prior to doing late night is incredible. I remember watching him and Eminem do that show the day the internet became aware of it, and it is just a fascinating bit of transitional Colbert work. Also, had no idea they took over a real show... or that they got almost 0 viewers for it, lol. Here's the link to the bit, for your viewing pleasure:

Fallon must realize that John has said literally nothing for a while, because he asks how the first episode of Last Week Tonight went. John actually talks about hosting The Daily Show for three months. He says he'd never interviewed anyone before then (I'm guessing he means that as in "I've never interviewed someone seriously and with the eye of not taking the piss out of them", because he'd done MANY filmed interviews for correspondent pieces before then) and talks about the episode where the power was cut. They taped the episode on a camcorder and had to feed it to Comedy Central through Stephen's office.

Stephen then talks about how his first episode almost doesn't make it to air because it couldn't be exported from Avid. Everyone in the editing bay insists this is fine, and it did end up being fine, but the contrast between how CBS editing works and John having to go to another office to feed a show to Comedy Central is so interesting.

Stephen also kicked down a door after this. Please enjoy this mental image, you freaks.

John and Stephen sharing a bitter laugh over John's joke about Les Moonves in the background is fantastic.

John is the first person to bring up that Ryan Reynolds turned around Wrexham the team AND the city. I really should watch that show.

We now return to Last Week Tonight, which lawyers refused to allow to be live. (Knowing John's comedic sensibilities, I completely understand Legal's stance.) He acknowledges that they had too many ideas going together in the first episodes, including a pre-taped guest. The big thing they learned was that they were doing one show a week, which lead to research coming in throughout the week that undermined their segments, rewriting whole shows on Thursday, and the realization that doing the show that way was completely unsustainable. Having watched those early episodes recently (and I promise I'm still doing that in the background), this context totally explains the franticness and weird pacing early on. Of course things feel more didactic and surface level - they were writing full episodes in two days! The show completely restaffed and changed after year one, and John's "bones were as hollow as a sparrow". He also knew that anyone who didn't like episode one was going to hate episode two, because it was about the death penalty.

Seth's first guests were Amy Poehler and Joe Biden, because they'd been on Parks and Rec together and Biden gladly accepted being after Amy.

Seth's misplaced confidence in his pink eye sketch is very relatable.

Fallon texting everyone that he is basically dying of heat stroke in his room and is trying to leave to save himself is hilarious. Poor Jimmy, he's suffering and getting clowned so hard for it. AND THEN Stephen talks about the opening of Fallon's first episode and all the change he dumped on his desk and him. And Fallon had to run up to the roof with change falling out of his clothes. Again, all this while Fallon is having a heat episode. As John says, "we should rename this 'Asphyxiating Jimmy Fallon'."

Fallon is also vaguely losing his mind and forgets he can talk on a podcast, because he keeps texting the others his thoughts.

They actually address the hosting schedule! Next episode, Stephen is hosting. After that, it's John (I'm excited for the inevitable LMFAO retrospective and/or extensive discussion of penii on rooves), then "James Theodore Fallon".

Thank you for reading this ABSOLUTELY MASSIVE BLOCK OF TEXT I'm so sorry that this is apparently my niche right now, thousands of words on a 45 min to 1 hr podcast featuring five white guys. One day the John pictures will again outnumber my blatherings, I promise.

[lordkingsmith]

Eugene Skullovitch canon and non canon kids

-stares at his sheer List of close friendships, implied romances, romances, and everything in between- I think Skull vies with Tommy for sheer amounts. Tommy or Billy, but definitely up there. At the very least I can say this is because he’s a reoccurring character over several seasons and movies and not because they were trying to force a hetero romance so nobody noticed the actor was gay. Skull’s naturally flirtatious demeanor and huge presence in the show is certainly to blame for this. So. I’m more than likely missing some, but -shrugs- I am doing My Best lol.

Canon kids:

Unknown mother;

Spike Skullovitch. Like Minh the other parent isn’t known or needed, so Spike never got her named. It’s led to a lot of ideas of who the mom is, au’s where he’s a putty hybrid, and just a whole lot of fun. But let’s focus on canon. Spike is the teenaged son of a now very famous and very rich Eugene Skullovitch. He spent the summer with his “uncle” Bulk. He’s got a massive crush on Mia and he wants to be a samurai and he’s always eager to help the power rangers. And can I just say I love this guy? He’s a cinnamon role. He’s a sweetie. He’s a baby doll and must be protected at all costs. He’s the sweetest of the confirmed canon kids we know of so far (I AM looking at Coinless!Adam’s unnamed son, yes I am. Child I wish we’d seen you before you died. I’d love to know your name) unfortunately the descendants don’t seem to get a lot of personality as a general rule, and even Spike’s a little light on personality. He’s got enough to make him stand out from his dad. But, I can’t help but adore him lol. Sir who are you and who’s your mom? Second bit doesn’t matter but I’d love to know you better.

Non canon oc and alternate reality kids and grandkids:

for the sake of not wanting to sound repetitive, not every universe will have Spike, just ones that make sense/would be interesting for him.

Kimberly Hart;

Stormy Hart, aged seventeen. Her parents are separated. Despite the rocky start with Eugene being Kim’s rebound, they got together again after the Candace Incident. Kim progressed on Eugene’s terms, and they had a kiddo right as they were applying for colleges. It was a bit difficult and they made it work, but when Stormy was seven they finally had to separate, though they’re not on bad terms. Stormy is Spike’s half sister, and has her own band. Has anxiety and depression. Doesn’t spend time with brother or Bulk, at least as much as she should. Mostly for her appearance. Got extremely jealous of Spike over the power rangers thing though! She generally lives with her mom, not her dad, hence why she doesn’t spend time with Spike. She loves her goofy half brother but she’s at the age where her image is important to her. She doesn’t have any colors associated with her.

Katherine Hillard;

I thought his mild attempts at flirting were cute. They got together after Turbo’s movie. Kat realized she was never going to replace Kim for Tommy, and broke up with him. She got with Skull after a few months and some very creative ways to ask her out. They have two sons. The oldest is Squire Hillard. Aged 17. He’s average height and kind of a brilliant himbo. He lets his reputation cover him like a mask, but he’s pretty devious when he’s properly motivated. A little bit of a tail chaser. He keeps striking out, but that never stopped him. While he is a power ranger (pink), he’s having fun running a podcast questioning who the power rangers are. This cover is so good not even Kat’s figured out he’s pink turbo ranger. Looks like a surfer bro. Prefers it that way. Half brother of Spike Skullovitch. Has had to save his half brother three times so far. Barely gets along with his dad, county Sheriff Eugene Skullovitch, but they’re trying. He’s closer to Kat and like her is a professional diver. He wants to get into the Olympics. His general outfit could best be described as “someone from the peppermint forest in candyland decided to become a pirate”. He actually has a rap sheet. He’s got middle child syndrome and you can usually find him with his friends, the other Turbo rangers, or with Bulk, or egging grandmas house with Devon. He’s giving Eugene a bald spot is what he’s doing. Spike does his best, but they really don’t see eye to eye. Squire likes his big brother, there’s just a bit of frustration with him.

Devon Skullovitch, aged eleven. Unlike Squire he’s not blond and looks more like Eugene and Spike. Bulk calls him the baby buddy, and it annoys him so so much. Loves video games and fixing cars. Can eat his weight in lasagna. Not associated with any color. Knows his brother is up to something, unsure what. Often getting babysit by half brother. Is known to egg his grandmothers house. A lot. It’s a problem.

Billy Cranston;

After being best friends as kids, then not, then sort of friends, then maybe more...they have two kids. Charlie Cranston, aged twenty two, and Oscar "Skid" Cranston, aged twenty. Charlie and Oscar are both via a science experiment, where Billy combined his and Eugene's genetic codes in a randomizer, to see if anything would happen that was viable as a sperm and egg equivalent. Yes, he got permission for this from Eugene. He sold the patent, and lives happily with his and Eugene's kids. Charlie is a blue solar ranger. She has been since she was seventeen. Billy didn't know at first and when he found out....he grounded her for not telling him. Then came back thirty minutes later, apologized, ungrounded her, and told her to be careful. Eugene doesn't get it as much but he's trying, he really is. He worries more than Billy, though Billy does often find himself staring up at the stars on late nights with tea in his hand, knots in his stomach and hoping he sees his daughter for Christmas. It's different, somehow, when they're in space and not in town.

Oscar is friends with a Bulkmeier, of course. He's the family "problem child", in a general sense. The prankster, and he's super smart. He is mild enough nobody really thinks he's as smartass and clever as he is. His entire motivation is cause as much chaos as possible. He used to prank his sister once a month until she left, and he's the one who let slip she's a power ranger because she was thrown through a building in front of him. She didn't know he knew, and he's been apologizing since via no more pranks, and gifts. so many gifts. Her favorite foods, updates on her favorite bands, jewelry she'd like. He doesn't have to but he feels bad. This was the closest they ever got to the family splintering. Trini, Zack, and Jason do their best to help the three deal with Charlie in space. Oscar works as a janitor, isn't really interested in dealing with school or anything. He likes doing his hobbies while having a stable job.

variation; they get together when he helps Skull with his newborn son. Spike takes care of his little siblings, and helped Oscar get his nickname and his current job. Billy is eternally caring to his adopted kid, and does the best he can by Spike.

variation 2; Charlie becomes Charlie from A Team. This time, Billy DOES ground her. she never hears the end of it

Farkas Bulkmeier;

Absolutely nobody was surprised when they got together. Eugene became a teen dad and Bulk didn't even think twice. He could fit boyfriend in one arm and baby in the other and he often did in the early days when sleeping with the two. For comfort and sense of protection. Skull was his best friend, and everything he'd ever want in a partner. They didn't bother with a ceremonial wedding, it was just going to get the paperwork signed and then having a big party celebrating with their friends. They have Spike, of course, and adopted one more. Between Spike and Amy, they're good. Sharkie offered to be a surrogate, and Billy offered a way to mix their genetics, but after a long talk with each other and them, it was just Spike and Amy.

Amy and Spike are the same age, with a four month difference. Spike's more emotionally mature than his sister, but Amy's more cunning and less naive than Spike. Currently both eighteen. She's jaded in a lot of ways and makes sure her brother doesn't have to be. Spike has had to ask her not to threaten any partners he might get with, because he can handle himself. She's had to occassionaly ask this goes both ways. Amy is considering being a mechanic, or a roadie for Skull or Spike. She likes feeling useful, she likes puzzles and chess and general challenges. Cannot cook to save her life, but she's a whiz at baking. She's better at math than anyone else in her family. But english is the bane of her existence. Is not associated with a color.

Tommy Oliver;

Tommy invited Skull to a carnival. After first being asked if Skull was a rebound-with a fast follow up to make sure Tommy wasn't taking him to something run entirely by putties-and then asking if he was sure sure Goldar and Skorpina wouldn't be there-Tommy decided he was going to make this a date. and the best one of Skull's life. The effort to help this guy have a proper, healthy, fair love life, meant it more or less accidentally lead to falling in love and while not marriage, they do live together. They have Spike, an adopted daughter Eliza, and a son together named Hunter. Rita thought it'd "bury the hatchet" and had the forethought to let them know she'd decided her first act of being nice would be something that would benefit them. Has not in fact, buried any negative feelings but the effort did mean something. Tommy's straight up told all three of his kids they're not allowed to go to Briarwood. Just in case.

Eliza "Lizzie" Oliver is 21, and wants to be a reporter. Thinks Tommy's worries are a little extreme when they directly affect his kids' lives, but she humors him even as an adult, because she loves him and wants to see him happy. A little selfish, but very smart. Good at picking up on subtext and helps explain things that go over her brothers' heads when she's with them. Tommy's too because he might be smart, but the man is kinda dumb. Not very organized, but somehow always has what she needs in her giant purse. Very resourceful, knows how to pick locks, and is capable of two types of martial arts.

Hunter Oliver-Skullovitch is 16. He's just trying to get through highschool guys, please let him get through highschool. He's been kidnapped twice, and he really just wants to be left alone. More of a punk than Tommy gets, but Tommy and Skull are supportive of his tastes and choices in life. Unfortunately everybody wants a piece of this kid, and while he's not associated with any color (by sheer force of will), this is not from lack of attempts. Hunter's just very very good at making himself too much of a nuisance to be worth taking. Like his siblings he knows two types of martial arts, can pick locks, knows how to get into vents, knows four ways to get out of ropes and other bindings, and can say "help me I've been kidnapped" in twelve languages. as well as "fire!" and "that's not a human!". He loves monster movies, because the monsters actually seem to pose a challenge. He and Tommy do have an understanding, and Tommy and Skull are both happy to let Hunter have a choice in becoming a ranger. He won't get forced into it, if he does he will do this fully with his eyes open and knowing what he's getting into. He will become a black ranger, when he's around 20, and it will be his choice.

Jason Lee Scott;

They were paired up for a school assignment a little after Tommy was reformed and saved from Rita. It was annoying, especially with Skull being so cagey and Bulk straight up threatening him if he went to the Skullovitch residence or business. When Jason dared, he realized why. And had to get saved from Mrs Skullovitch flirting with him. Which earned Skull a lot of verbal abuse as he pulled Jason far away from the house.

While he found our later she was drunk and had mistaken him for someone older, it was still rather panic inducing. Also embarrassing for the Skullovitch brothers and Bulk. He had to stop Stan apologizing on behalf of her, and understood Bulk’s anger. Jason felt the need to make it up to Skull, and they went from antagonizing each other to friends to semi-secretly dating each other. Everyone knew except Skull’s family. Jason didn’t even know what made him angrier; the fact Skull felt he had to protect Jason, or the fact that he lived in Tommy’s house whenever Tommy’s parents didn’t live there, and Skull’s parents didn’t seem to notice. They have one adopted daughter. Skull’s a guidance counselor at their old high school, and Jason is a karate instructor. Rebecca Scott is actually Stan’s, but Stan died and his girlfriend died in a car crash caused by monster activity, and the newborn was the only survivor. Eugene would have adopted her with or without Jason there. Luckily Jason was there, and Jason fell in instalove with the baby. She was very small and he loved her.

Jason and Skull got married to make it easier for Jason to formally adopt Rebecca, in case something happened and because everyone felt distancing her and Skull from the Skullovitch legacy was the best idea, and this could be accomplished by taking Jason's last name. He was only too happy to do this. He was disinherited by his dad, but it doesn't matter. The guy lost out on getting to know a great kid. Rebecca’s blind from the car accident, and has a dog and a cane to help her around. She’s 15, and nothing stops her. She’s got a lot of caution, but very little outright fear. The power rangers will protect the civilians, and her skills and disability aids help keep her safe as well. She loves to read, and has read every braille book in the library twice. She’s aware her dads are power rangers, and most of her extended family. They’re not going to let anything happen to her. And she’s going to make sure nothing happens to them. Rebecca is opinionated with a very strong sense of right and wrong. She’s actually rather blunt, but tries to be nice about it. She knows her mind and she knows how to direct people, but she hates being in a confrontation. Not associated with a color, but it’d probably be red or bronze if she were.

Trini Kwan;

He kept asking her out until she agreed to go out with him. And actually had a nice time. So she humored him again, and again, it was nice. They weren't seeing seeing each other though, and both of them had their kids around the same time. Skull had Spike, and Trini had Minh, and they liked each other fine and loved each other's kids. They had one more, together. August Kwan. He's thirteen, and a complete introverted social butterfly. He loves showing off and gushing about his interests but he hates dealing with too many people for too long. He's really into piano, like Skull. A composer for video game music sounds like a really fun profession, so maybe when he's older he'll work towards that. But he's thirteen, he's got time. He has a stuffed animal he's been attached to since he was two, is half convinced stuffed animal is sentient, and carries it around in his hoodie or backpack. He's not ready to let it go, and Trini fully understands, supports, and gets this. When he's ready, Banjo the seal plushy, will be put beside her own childhood doll Ticklesneezer. Skull's following along with the gentle parenting; he's a bit out of his depth but he appreciates and loves that their kids are being actively supported. He's working on it, and so far the kids aren't traumatized, so something must be working.

Rito Revulto;

Eugene managed to get him and Bulk out of being turned into chimpanzees by a (justifiably) pissed off Rito by convincing him of a role reversal; Bulk and Skull be the maids, Rito and Goldar act as Bulk and Skull. But this means Goldar and Rito have to commit to the things Bulk and Skull were doing. In this case, junior officers. It is a very weird set up, but Rito likes a challenge, he and Goldar decide it's fair, and the power rangers, Vile, Zordon and Alpha and Rita and Zedd are completely confused, but Rito tends to commit to whatever he sets his mind to, and Goldar has a very specific moral code he lives by and this falls in line with it. Vile occasionally tries to cause the comedy duo to go back on their word so he can get his tool-I mean son-back, but the rangers do step in enough to help them. As does Stone, Ernie, and the others.

Eugene and Rito bond over highly shitty parents and realizing they're very similar. They're both people pleasers whose trauma responses is sarcastic quips and being class clown types. Rito turned Eugene's parents into a couple of dogs, and while he contemplated doing the same to Stan, he simply made sure Stan got a big break in the music scene. He couldn't convince Eugene to leave earth at first, until Eugene got left behind by Bulk. There was really nothing left for him on earth, so Eugene took him up on it. They're pirates, and have their own ship, and their son Elio is the apple of their eye. Elio is 26. He's cunning, fast talking, fast thinking, fast acting and has very little fear. He's as courageous as Skull and Rito try to pretend they are. He's bold, and wicked, but he's a man of his word. He has a devil's lock coloring in his hair. Stark black hair and stark white in streaks has gotten him an affectionate nickname of Skunk, but when he likes someone he asks they call him Elio. He listens to his parents and is completely loyal to them, but not out of fear. They're genuinely good at being leaders of their group, and sort of seen as the father figures of most of the crew. Elio follows his dads because he genuinely loves working for them. He did have a splash of rebelliousness in his teens though. He learned the violin, not the piano. When not pirating, they live on Mirinoi with Bulk. He's been to earth a few times, and loves fucking with JJ Oliver, it's hilarious. Not associated with a color, but he'd happily get to know a certain shade of Green.

Does Bulk especially like the lifestyle choice for his best buddy, best buddy's partner and best buddy's kid? no. Can he deny this is the happiest he's ever seen Skull? also no. He is literally living out a childhood fantasy, and thriving. Billy, however, is this close to losing it and throwing all three in a prison on Aquitar. Skull's not even sure if this is from jealousy or being a power ranger. Or the fact Elio's flirting with every ranger close to his age as a battle tactic. Some more seriously than the others.

a tangential au is where Vile kills his parents and forces Elio to work for him. He did offer him as a valid vessel to Specter, but it didn’t work. This version he does get with JJ, who went undercover on the ship to figure out what exactly happened. They manage to get Elio and the crew out of Vile's clutches safely. Elio goes from being like Rito to a lot more like comic!Skull. Divatox is partly responsible for what happens, having gotten tired of the competition.

Adam Park;

Eugene doesn't believe in himself, but Adam does, did, and always has. They started dating after Adam encouraged him to play the piano in the talent show. Adam loves his music, and they're both encouraging of each other. Aisha is a surrogate for their son, Lukas. Given how close she was to Adam, it was only natural in her mind to offer. She loves him, loves he's found happiness, and when they decided they wanted kids she wanted to help that happiness grow. Lukas Park's 17, plays piano, and volunteers at the animal shelter. Adam's a doctor and while Lukas respects and likes this, he'd rather be a veterinarian. Or, like Skull, a professional classical pianist. They support Lukas with whatever he wants to do or be, and he loves the fact he's not being pressured. Skull once sat him down with a list of every job he's ever done (the list was actually more like an entire manila folder bursting out the sides, it was frankly impressive), a ranking system and how much each profession made. Everything from a cop to a detective to an undercover agent for the government to a waiter at a bar to a judge at a pet show to rockstar to pianist-it was comprehensive and a little overwhelming, but at the end of each profession Skull said if it was what he wanted, he'd be proud. At the end it left Lukas fairly calm and certain no matter what choice he made, it'd be the right choice for him, and his dads would support him in this. not associated with a color

Aisha Campbell;

She asked him out and he thought it was a joke. It wasn't. They found they actually challenge each other in interesting ways. She also hates his mom and her parents love him, so that helped a lot. They've got a daughter, Kensie Campbell. Aged 15. Excitable by nature, is in the drama club. Has a near perfect memory, uses this for shenanigans, mostly when sassing her many many honorary aunts and uncles or annoying villains and monsters. Eugene is so, so proud. Aisha sometimes worries the know it all attitude is going to get her in trouble. However, nothing's happened-yet-and Kensie does seem to slowly be learning how to read the room. She plays piano to help her think. Her favorite is moonlight sonata. It partially annoys Skull, but his favorite composer is Bach, so it's more of a principle thing. Kensie is a soccer player, and has a very close best friend. Skull's getting the "what to in case you're kidnapped by a monster with your best friend" speech ready, just in case a group of crime fighting teenagers with attitude show up. not associated with a color

Zack Taylor;

Zack's always tried to give Bulk and Skull the benefit of the doubt and never felt any true antagonistic feelings to them. Annoyance sure, but he doesn't hate them. Eugene took a while to warm up to Zack though, because nice doesn't mean trustworthy, and the two eventually started dating when Eugene realized no, Zack really is just that sweet. They run an ice cream parlor together and have two adopted kids. Achibald "Archie" Taylor and Marigold "Mari" Taylor.

Archie was adopted in his teens, and while this means he doesn't get to have as much time growing up with Zack and Skull as his dads, he's got the rest of his life with them as his parents, and that's the best thing he's ever heard. He was adopted out of the foster care system at thirteen, and is nineteen. He loves botany and magic tricks. Being a stage magician or professional botanist would be really really cool. He doesn't play piano or dance but he loves watching Zack and loves listening to Eugene practice at night. Is unsure what he wants to do with his life, but inheriting the ice cream parlor would be nice, if the botany or the stage magician thing doesn't work out. is not associated with a color.

Mari was adopted last year. She's fourteen and getting used to living with her brother and her dads. They're kinda weird, but she likes them. It is weird going to a new school in a new town, with a new last name. She doesn't really know what she likes, she's still figuring it out, but she knows she likes it here and that's good enough. She does miss her old friends and home a little, but she is making new friends. Zack and Eugene give her space and understanding, and Archie's been great with advice and settling in. not associated with a color.

Sharkie;

They got together after Bulk left earth, but Sharkie did always prefer Bulk over Skull. They separated, but they're still friends. They have a son, Felix, aged 17, and he's seriously considering dropping out and going on a cross country road trip to find himself. He doesn't know what he wants or who he is. He's a lot like his parents, but he's not sure if that was just trying to make them happy or if he genuinely likes these things. They tried by him, he knows this. He's not even half bad. He just doesn't know if he's supposed to be having a midlife crisis at 17. Will be solar green ranger, and realize he enjoys country-rock (the kind of country rock that talks about murders, curses and being a gunslinger in a loveless land or people randomly turning into crows), has a knack for learning new languages, and likes ballet. He's been in ballet since he was four but so was Sharkie so the confirmation he likes it is nice. Also learns he likes playing piano, genuinely. Also nice. He comes home quite happy and a lot more settled into himself, and Skull and Sharkie are proud of him.

Tasha;

It was a complete accident, and they both feel really weird about it. But they kept the kid. Tuskin "Tusk" Skullovitch is lead singer in a punk band, and a bit of a bully at school. He's brilliant but finds it difficult to apply himself in anything he doesn't find an interest in. He loves puns, and loves confusing people. He likes studying rocks because rock music. It takes people a second. He's been smacked more than once over this, but doesn't mind. Bit clever, bit bored, bit of a troublemaker, bit of a pain in his parent's necks. Eugene does love his kid but wow, he's a little bit of a snot. Eugene's forced him into being a lifeguard over the summer to just-try and get this kid some sort of friendship with someone so he can have an attitude adjustment.

Marleau Eskin;

Surprisingly not the worst. He got her to be less of a bitch in an incident were they were taken together by a monster, and he actually lost his temper and snapped at her. When she tried to deflect by getting him to back down with a challenge (which to be fair normally worked), he raised an eyebrow, took a breath, and let loose. To say she had to do some soul searching after the extremely thorough roast would be putting it mildly. She stopped being as much of a mean girl, and he asked her out to prom. More as a dare, but she said yes. One thing led to another and while they don't talk anymore, they do have joint custody of their son Rusty Eskin. Marleau is the mayor of Angel Grove, Skull is a mechanic. It's kind of a whiplash every other month to go from mayor manor to an apartment over a carshop, but Rusty doesn't mind very much. Marleau's learned to be a lot nicer over the years, and she's a much milder version of herself to her son. Rusty on his part likes being at the carshop almost more than the manor, but it's less to do with Marleau and more to do with he hates the reputation he gets with "the mayor's son" and much prefers getting his hands dirty on a car with his dad. He likes problem solving, and fixing things. He likes shop class and he built his own motorcycle for one of the classes. He got his license and he's promised both parents he'll be careful. And he has been. He's also orange turbo ranger. This suits him more than fine.

Candice/Zelya;

Candice told him the truth about who she was, and to put it mildly, he was hurt. He had to put his foot down and tell her he needed to think about it. He really needed to think about what he was going to be doing, and what they were going to be. She waited, and he came back. And was accepting of it, mainly because she'd bit the bullet and been honest. However he had ground rules. She couldn't lie to him, if they had a kid (because things happen) the kid was going to be co-parented and if she wanted to raise future kids as an Eltaran fine but either they spent time on earth or Skull lived with them, or they did the best they could on earth. She was just grateful he was willing to try. Bulk eventually forgave her, when she went against her commander and stopped being the Bronze Guardian for the sake of her relationship with Skull. She fought in the Eltaran War against the Eltarans. While she was captured with the intent of re-educating, she was rescued by Jason and Billy.

They have a daughter, and Spike. Their daughter is Zephyr Skullovitch. she's sixteen, and she and Spike do get taught Eltaran tradition, as much as possible, on earth. Zephyr's got the Z name as she resembles Zelya more in a lot more ways. Spike's got more human dna here, but his sister's blue as a blueberry. Zephyr is best described as 'prickly' or 'grumpy' and the only person who gets her to smile is her brother. The pink ranger tries, but keeps striking out. Zelya wants to be an interdimensional diplomat, and travel universe to universe and see everything. She wants to see everything, know everything, experience everything. Intense, bull headed, one track minded, and has an almost destructive lack of self worth and imposter syndrome. almost. She might not believe in herself but her brother and her parents do. And the pink ranger chick. possibly. Zephyr is not associated with a color.

Matthew Cook;

Matt dives head first into the villain persona, and is happily doing so. He's thriving. Until he's forced into an ultimatum; save Bulk and Skull from certain death by the hands of Goldar, or vanquish the Solar Rangers. Against his better judgment, he saves Bulk and Skull. Skull, unfortunately for timing wise, had said he'd kiss whoever saved their lives minutes before Matt saved them. He's a man of his word, but he also punched him in the mouth immediately after. Matt's confused as hell. So instead of chasing after Kim, begins chasing after Skull because what was THAT. This leads to a very weird redemption arc because Matt has realized 2 things; he likes being kissed by Skull and he does not want Skull mad at him anymore. Cut to fifteen years later; they've got a kid of their own and no actual idea how they got there really. But, they're happy, don't hate each other's guts, their kid's thriving, it's all good. The entire empire of evil absolutely hates them though and Matt somehow managed to get himself on the shit list of Thor. As long as he doesn't go out while it's thunderstorming he should be fine.

Their son is ten, his name is Jude Cook. Jude is one of the weirdly luckiest kids alive. He's survived an insane amount of attempts on his life, falls, kidnappings, and things he should otherwise not survive. His parents have stopped asking how. Loki helped give them a son, which is partly why Thor's pissed, so they've at this point accepted demigod baby is just gonna do what a demigod baby do. It's probably for the best. Spike's his older brother, and is training with Loki to be some sort of spirit of shapeshifting mischief. They both love causing mild trouble. Like Skull, Jude's got a fear of flying which makes things a little interesting. Skull's got his sons and his partner on a very very strict promise; if the shenanigans could cause an enemy of something power, walk away. Walk far away. Neptune exists. We don't want to get on the bad side of Neptune.

in a tangential version, Billy coparents with the two, and studies demigod ten year old, and deals with the Norse gods being in his business. At the very least nobody's been sucked into Ares' prison jar, so that's good.

*Bonus Poly of Billy Cranston, Matt Cook, and Eugene Skullovitch has all above children mentioned. They live in a large house, Eugene's a famous rockstar and restaurant chain owner, and they actually use every room in said house. In this version they met via Matt asking the only person he knew with experience in bdsm for some help with his newly realized kinks; Skull's payment was pizza nights and then Billy got dragged in because he was certain Matt was abusing Skull, but realized it was fine, actually. And fun.

Au Grandchildren:

Prince Olympius;

Eugene and Bulk got dragged to hell, once, and found a little child demon who needed protection as much as they themselves did. The two survived long enough in the dimension with the kid to be rescued by Olympius and Spike. Olympius and Spike, though having known each other when they were younger, reconnected over this. Olympius named the kid Petrichor, and he was later given the nickname Pepper by the mystic red ranger Nick. Pepper is a fifteen year old power ranger, though he got his morpher when he was thirteen. His team is a team of nonhumans who all have unusual rare colors, with the exception of their sixth ranger, Deena, who is a human and a white ranger. Although Pepper is a demon that water can hurt, he is an aquaphile. He loves the ocean, he loves water planets, he loves the rain, and one day wants to study marine biology. Chipper, smart, but generally as easy going as Spike is. He is the crown prince, but knows he’s only in the position because he was adopted into it, and tries very hard to be a good prince. Be diplomatic, be strategic, have all the answers. One day he’s going to be depended on, and he needs to perfect it now. Olympius has cautioned him that even he hasn’t figured it all out, so Pepper’s going to be fine in that eventuality. Just so long as he tries, and he does. Pepper is the indigo ranger.

Mia Watanabe;

So that summer was…eventful. Skull got a grandson and a daughter in law in one fell swoop. He also moved to Panorama City because daughter in law was also a pink ranger and no, he’s not stupid. Rangers should stick to their cities with their teams. Plus Ji was making a stink and they found it easier to just smooth ruffled feathers than deal with him. Spike and Mia have one daughter. Ai Skullovitch lives with Skull while Mia and Spike are at school. She’s eight years old, and Skull loves her. Spike and Mia also dote on their daughter. The kid happens to be taste blind like Mia and feeding her and having her help in the kitchen’s always eventful. While Ji doesn’t spend much time with Ai he does give her presents and training. Neither Mia nor Spike want Ai to be a power ranger. At least. Not a Samurai Ranger, so things from Ji tend to get screened to make sure training and gifts are appropriate. Skull kinda likes being a grandpa.

Lauren Shiba;

Spike and Lauren literally had to go into hiding, and are currently holed up under assumed names with their kid. The little cabin property on the edge of a small tourist ski town in Idaho never came in so much handy for Skull. He was able to help them, and they and the four year old are riding this out up there till the drama dies down. Lauren and Spike got very good at training together, and got very close. However life got in the way for a while. Lauren had taken some time from everything to do some soul searching and finding herself, and Spike was doing a music tour. Mica is not an accident, but he's not approved of at all by Ji and the rest. Skull, however, loves him, and loves his son, and is trying to help them so the kid doesn't have to live his entire life in hiding. Mica's got brown hair, but otherwise looks a lot like Skull and Spike, which is a good thing. "Sam" and "Isabelle" are making the best of it, and are planning on homeschool if things don't change soon. Or chancing moving to Angel Grove. Skull just wants them to be happy and safe, and at least he's not alone in that.

[disabledinwonderland]

 Hey, all so I am on a bit of a David Tennant binge, and I think that as an actor and a role model for me, there are a lot worse people I can be looking up to, but seeing the conversation around him, it’s an interesting thing to see the conversation and to realize that we don’t know him. 

But this has article I found this when I couldn’t sleep and I now understand the assumptions about him as this article was a wild ride from start to finish we see that he is known as a very clean-cut, family guy, but we all know that wasn’t the case and that all of us have history’s with others and the one that got away and I have that and due to my disability I do have some other factors that I don’t have a significant other at the moment.

I also see that he has some amazing growth from Dr who to now and we would expect that of anyone, but GQ does its homework, and from watching his video diaries when he was filming Dr. Who, listening to the Confession podcast, and watching other interviews with him, and seeing Georga’s content with him we see that.   There are a couple of things that we see that he has admitted before he was married.

 He has Aspergers and I don’t know if this was a joke comment but with other comments, he has said it makes sense he would as he is honest to a fault has anxiety and struggles with imposter syndrome.

So, this is something that with the shoelaces incidents is a typical Aspergers/ ADHD due to sensory issues and we see that at comic cons and on camera he has talked about being over stimulated I know anyone can be over stimulated but the way he talks about it, it seems like he has had a diagnosis. When he received his honorary doctorate of Drama from his Drama college, we see that when they were reading out his academic achievements, they said that he was extremely above average academically and that they knew he was going to succeed in any chosen career.

We also see that he has a couple of hyper focuses this being Shakespeare and Dr. Who, we know that he has a passion for Shakespeare and that he is very passionate about it, we also see that he can cook and that they did show his flat in Cardiff that he rented out when he wasn’t filming Dr who.

But the one that stunned me and it does now make sense as Drama school would have taught him how to mask is that Billy Piper mentioned that he was well-known in the Cardiff gay scene,  I know that there are some people who has picked up clues but I didn’t know that Billy piper essentially has let the world know he is Bi sexual, not just a flamboyant gay man, and that he

[i]

I know that this seen isn’t really gatekept, and it is a very discreet place but it now makes sense to a few comments and behaviours that he has and one endearing one that makes him more relatable to me is, his being at parties and award show’s and putting his foot in it, this is something that I find I do as well it as he has admitted it is imposter syndrome due the anxiety he battles.

I am also seeing and we need to be aware we only see a curated version of him this is where Georga’s saying when he purchases new clothing or he parades them around so this is a kind of performance and I when my housemates do it after about 3 days it does get tiring, but we see that, he has a bit of an old school showman's ship flair and that can come across as flamboyant, and I see that straight men are now getting interested in fashion and during the lock down he did have the extensions from filming but then grew his hair I am sure he would have had access over zoom to hair styles but he has mentioned he does like the longer length.

Also, I do see that he has a non-binary child there are a lot of links with non-binary, [ii]people who often are autistic and we know that there is a possibility that in his private life, he keeps secret that he might use non-binary pro nouns but with what is happening in the USA and the UK about gender-affirming clinics, we see that there is a bit of backlash for adults who support their children, but I am sure that others in his life that he would have got advice and Georgia has mentioned that they are following conservative advice.

But I have left the links below and let’s remember that he is a human and has made his decisions and that most couples do go through some rough patches in life and it’s how they handle them but in being in the gay seen it seems to me that his wife was very aware of that and being married to an actor and keeping family life happen is something she needed to be very aware of, as when the children where very young he went from being everywhere on social media to not having it at all, we see that he does have a smart phone from him playing wordle and that you need that linked to Facebook but you need an account but don’t have to post and he has mentioned that he would be constantly chasing the dopamine high, and he mentions he often gets either into a state of hyper focus or where he can’t concentrate due to anxiety and being wound up.  

Also, him being so lanky yes, we know he keeps fit, but I do wonder if that is from taking medication for anxiety or stimulants for ADHD as we all have seen very ADHD traits and Aspergers/ Autism goes hand in glove with ADHD.

But putting this together and him playing gay and bi roles very well, yes, he is a trained actor but that’s a whole other blog post.

[i] https://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/article/gq-tv-david-tennant-interview-doctor-who

[ii] Non-binary link to autism - Neuroscience News

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

now that i'm an adult, i think one of the most insidious effects of being raised in conservative christianity is that i know, in a painful and personal way, how harmful that world of religious values and traditions can be...but i still feel reflexive nostalgia for elements of it that i grew up with.

i'm listening to a podcast that mentions the 700 club and i don't think pat robertson and hatred of gay people even though i'm fully aware of all that now.

instead i remember my grandmother and her little sitting room with the tv in it and how she would watch the 700 club every day, how much she loved billy graham and how much of her time she spent at local bible study and helping with worship services at the nursing home. i remember going with her to play the flute there, practicing the old rugged cross and amazing grace at her house first.

my mature brain also remembers how much she would talk about the end times and y2k and how confused and terrified that made me at 14, and how she insisted on talking to any friend of mine she ever met about jesus and how embarrassing that could be, and how insistently my whole family enforced a very white christianity and how baffled i was by that.

but i read revelations in 1999 to try and make sense of my grandmother's wisdom, and i never worried while she was intruding on my friends that it might be upsetting for them or just plain rude, and though i couldn't understand why my mom took away the illustrated bible where jesus wasn't white, i knew she must have had only good intentions when she said it wasn't an appropriate gift for me.

even though a lot of things about the religion i was raised with left scars that feel forever raw, like i get to spend the rest of my life fighting a bitterness that's inconsistent with the kind of person i want to be, i was still raised with it--in a bubble that told me there was only one truth, while i was a pliant autistic kid who believed everyone i trusted. and in that truth, there wasn't room for complications. it felt simple. it felt like family, and home, and love.

that didn't change until i changed, until i was grown enough to have questions, and not understand the answers i was given, and see harm to the people around me and wonder if there was a better way. the person i became could never go back there. but the person i started out as, for sixteen years, can't jump forward, either...so those feelings live forever, unchanged.

i think the 700 club and i think of my grandmother, who could be cruel and was absolutely racist and indoctrinated me as a toddler when i was left at her house overnight, a story i was told often growing up because i 'accepted jesus into my heart' while too young to even remember doing so, a binding contract on my soul that could only be enforced if i believed it.

but my grandmother was also the person who i trusted most in the world, the one who came to my school events when my mother stayed home. up through her last days, she was my biggest champion and source of strength, who made me believe i was her favorite during an undiagnosed unstable childhood when i really needed to be somebody's favorite.

i think the 700 club and it makes me cry, because christianity and my grandmother were inseparable; i never experienced one without the other. christianity loved me, and christianity broke me, and both can be true and both can be complicated and all of it hurts. i guess it will always hurt.

but there will always be nostalgia tangled up in there too, and that's the part that doesn't feel fair, because i didn't get to choose the religion i was brought up in. i just get to carry it anyhow.

[noellevanious]

Hey so I  just finished TAZ: Amnesty, and I have a lot to say about it!

to summarize: I really liked Amnesty, actually! If I were to rate both Balance and Amnesty on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being perfect, Balance would be 8, and Amnesty would be 9. Also, spoilers (of course!) 

The Story - The Bureau of Balance vs. Amnesty Lodge and Sylvane 

So the biggest reason I like Amnesty more than I liked Balance: the story, IMO is just way better and more interesting.  

The pilot/pitch episode right after TAZ ended gave the series a serious Gravity Falls vibe (especially from that first season where it was episodic Monster stuff, it was almost exactly like “The McElroys Do Gravity Falls”), but there were definitely interesting tidbits (Duck’s entire character was excellent – more on that later), and as it went on and the world(s) were fleshed out, I think Griffin hit a really nice balance of ideas that were clearly based around existing concepts but with his own, interesting spin on everything. 

Obviously, this point is imbalanced (pun intended) for Balance – A goofy DND 5E session with a pre-made campaign, turning into arguably the most popular Actual Play fiction podcast in recent history, vs. 5 years later when the creators set out to intentionally make a story-rich plot-driven epic – but I still feel it’s a valid point. I’m not relistening to Balance any time soon, if ever, because I just was not interested in the plot at all.  

I like Taako, and I like the goofiness that occurs in TAZ, especially in the one-shots, but I just never got on-board with the story. It’s almost definitely personal preference, though, so if you enjoyed Balance’s story, I’m glad! But it just wasn’t interesting. The contrast of Justin/Travis/Clint doing their own thing and constantly killing people was a lot of fun and carried a lot of the episodes, especially later. Off the top of my head, I liked the following beats – the Davenport revelation, Taako’s entire story, and the Red Robe twist – but pretty much everything else bored me at best, actively annoyed me at worst (I DO NOT like Lup, see the NPC section). 

But in Amnesty, I was constantly at the very least intrigued, if not enjoying the experience, and I generally had no issues with the story’s set-up or pay-off, at least until things got a bit… weird near the end.  

Again, Balance was Griffin basically writing a story every episode, so I understand the story isn’t perfect, but Amnesty to me is the culmination of his talents as a fiction writer.  

There was always a sense of intrigue, the setting and plot were both very well contained, nothing felt like it contrasted too much. The city of Kepler is a charming city, all the additions made over time such as H2-Woah That Was Fun had the goofy and odd spin that kept a nice flow between the comedy and the tragedy, and NPCs like Indred, Billy, Momma, and Minerva felt original, engaging, and appealing. Perfect marks all around from me. 

At least, until the final arc, where things just kind of go a bit crazy. It seems like Griffin really can’t avoid wanting to do a Big Blow Out the Barn Every Loose End Tied Up Finale for his works, which isn’t inherently a bad thing, but came out of nowhere to me. The entire Aliens pitting Sylvane Citizens and Earth citizens against eachother in a Scorched Earth tactic to get rid of both populations makes sense but just comes completely out of nowhere to me. It does genuinely feel like Griffin heard Justin as Duck say “it’s aliens” and go “wait…. What if it was aliens?”, even though Sylvane had already been fleshed out a great deal, and there was a lot of potential and unexplored aspects of that world.  

All that that being said, Amnesty’s story over-all is great, and while Balance’s characters work better for one-offs (as I’ve said before, the best Balance episodes are all the live one-offs – if you can ignore the audience losing their mind because Merle read what the spell he’s using does), Amnesty’s story feels more compete and full.  

 

The Characters – or, the Excellence of Duck Newton 

This is the biggest damnation I have against Balance – I didn’t like a majority of the plot-relevant characters. At all. 

I’ll start with what I’m sure most people are interested of/mad at me for – as I mentioned earlier, I hate Lup. 

I don’t care what anybody else says. To me, Lup is just transfem Taako. I have no issue with the LGBT rep in the series, and appreciate Lup being transfem, but it just felt weird that, so far into the story, Griffin introduced Taako’s sister, who was basically just Taako, and then formed a romantic relationship between her and Barry Bluejeans without really developing it at all. The umbrella plot point was good, but that could’ve been done with literally anything. 

 It’s nothing I’ll lose sleep over, I just…. Don’t like it! It didn’t add anything to the story to me. If Lup was gone, Taako and the plot would have barely been affected, at least IMO.  

Taako is a great character, and Justin does a great job fleshing him out, making him feel real, fun, and creative. I’m not as big of a fan of Merle or Magnus (though I appreciate Travis’s commitment to Magnus’s core personality), but I still like them more than most any serious or important NPC outside of Davenport.  

The one-off NPCs that show up for a single arc, and maybe make another appearance later for fanservice, are fun. Garfield is fine. The kid that helps Taako save the universe is fun. But It’s really hard for me to articulate why I dislike every other NPC outside of that clash between the goofiness and Real Play aspect and the Narrative-heavy Seriousness, and just not being interested by them.  

Anyway, back to Amnesty – I enjoyed basically every single character. 

The Player Characters – Duck Newton, Ned Chicane, and Aubrey Little – were, IMO, muuuuch better than the entire cast of Balance.  

As a person that loves to rag on Travis, I actually didn’t mind his Aubrey – I’ve heard people take issue with her being bisexual and having a lot of Travis-isms, but to me, that’s almost kind of sweet – it’s like if Travis was a bisexual Pyromancer girl. Her personality felt solid, she was enjoyable, she didn’t do anything that made me feel like Travis was just pandering, he did a good job! Would’ve loved to see more of Dr. Harris Bonkers, but small potatoes. 

Same with Ned Chicane – Contrasted against Merle, it’s no contest. I never liked the half-bit half-real thing where Merle’s entire gimmick is he’s bad at what he does. It’s not interesting, it’s annoying and creates this weird feedback loop where, if he does anything right, it apparently deserves a 5 minute applaud break or mocking by Justin. Those always grind the episode to a halt and they happen CONSTANTLY.  

But in Amnesty, Clint does a GREAT job with his characters. I think Ned is very interesting and appealing – a Con-artist that’s genuinely kind of a shithead, who’s trying to do right but has let his past control him too much, and his death is one of the more powerful moments of the series to me. Now, maybe I missed an episode or something, but it  also felt very sudden, which wouldn’t be a bad thing if Aubrey didn’t literally bring another character back from the dead earlier in the series, but even so, it’s a fitting, melancholic end to a character that, in a way, had gone too far off the deep end. It was really well done.  

After that Clint does an EVEN better job as Thacker. He was just excellent, I enjoyed every scene Thacker was in. 

And, of course, the star of the show to me, Duck Newton.  

Justin has proven that he’s easily one of the best, and funniest, actors and personalities on the internet, at least to me. Somehow, he went from Taako, a narcissistic, pacifist gay elf wizard, to a goofy forest ranger that’s awful at lying, and excelled at embodying both characters. Duck was my favorite character in Amnesty. He added so much to the levity, his bits with being awful at lying were always incredibly funny, he was just awesome. His story of being a Chosen one that doesn’t Want to be chosen was a bold choice, I loved his dynamic with Minerva and Beacon, everything was 10/10.   

Getting to the Amnesty NPCs – Everything was great about them! I can’t think of a single NPC I took issue with or groaned whenever they started talking. They all contributed to the plot, they all had their own reasoning, and characters that didn’t get a lot of develop Griffin explained – the players just didn’t interact with them much, so it’s understandable, not necessarily a flaw. 

 

The other stuff  

So I don’t end up typing another 1000 words, I’ll just run through some other points that jump to my mind about Amnesty. 

Didn’t like all the sudden relationships after the finale. Aubrey’s could’ve used a bit more developing, it felt like they crushed on eachother, halfway through they kissed, and then suddenly they’re dating at the end was bleh. Duck and Minerva make sense, but I don’t think it’s necessary to have EVERY character fall into a romantic relationship, especially after the same thing happened in Balance. They just seemed like unlikely allies, which was fine. 

I really enjoyed the contrast in Actual play, how in TAZ it feels like every story is “These three overpowered doofuses cause chaos, kill whoever they want, and literally can’t die”, and then in Amnesty, “these three charming idiots can do nothing properly, and it’s insanely lucky that they even killed the abominations”. 

I really like the music in Amnesty, the main theme is really charming, it sounds like a song off of an original trilogy Spyro game. 

Monster of the Week seems like a fun TTRPG, but I don’t think it worked well for the story. It wasn’t bad enough to impact my experience, but…. It DID feel like Griffin had to do a LOT to make sure they didn’t die during every single abomination encounter (and hell, the PCs literally did NOTHING to stop that last abomination causing the final arc). 

Conclusion 

Amnesty is great. If you want a good story with a bit of actual play TTRPG charm, I’d recommend listening to it before Balance. Balance is a classic and will go down in TTRPG podcast history, but I think Amnesty is WAY more deserving of the adaptations and TTRPG game (it’s still fucking wild that Balance is getting that, by the way). 

Thank you! 

[covenofthearticulate]

Wait, if Sh-Louis does not have French accent and RL-audience can watch it through Daniel's memory, but we are also watching Daniel insisting that Louis has an accent, does it mean it's (over imaginative) Daniel who is gaslighting Louis into creating false memory?? Can we reverse-was it raining now? It makes sense. Consider these,

Louis wouldn't describe his intimate moments with Lestat vividly while he's in mourning, Daniel (sexually suppressed) was filling the gaps.

Louis did not suspect Lestat could fly because he also did not levitate during the actual timeline. Daniel imagined it because he had already seen Armand flying in 1976 by then.

We have some new imposters among us ;)

i’ll be honest my dude, trying to read this whole thing broke my brain a little bit (sorry I'm stupid but I'm not sure what you're referring to when you say Sh-Louis and RL-audience??), but ultimately I think what you’re getting at points to one of my main complaints with the show— which is that when you set the entire framework of a narrative as completely unreliable from multiple viewpoints it creates a little bit too much of a convenient excuse for lazy writing.

Like, it's one thing to say "look how this character's trauma warped their sense of self-perception and causes a more urgent need to both gain control over the story while also pushing their own agenda of how the events took place rather than facing the trauma head-on" versus like..."lol we can't remember our own timeline of events that we just set up last episode/fundamental parts of this character/this lore inconsistency so uh...it's probably Louis being a silly billy unreliable narrator!"

The reason I think Louis doesn’t have a French accent in the show is because the writers wanted to pat themselves on the back for lifting text straight from canon without thinking twice about the actual words that are being said.

We talked about this a lot on our podcast because I think to take the consistency errors in good faith is all well and good when it comes to broader theories, but when you get the literal basic characteristics of your main character wrong, it’s just fucking embarrassing.

Like, if you’re going to change the character, then change the character! At this point Louis is pretty much unrecognizable from his book counterpart, so I just don’t understand why they kept that line after fully committing to an entirely new portrayal! Like, either cut it or change it, but like....what do we as an audience have to gain by pretending Louis has a French accent when, in fact, he does not??

I am SO SORRY for going on a tirade lmfao none of this is directed at you, anon!! Maybe there is some weird meta thing going on with Daniel's memories and I'm just being a stick in the mud lol i'm just. not having a good time with this show asfdgfhgcjsvebf

[librarianwithlove]

All Good People Here by Ashley Flowers - Review

since i have no followers but I have books that I want to talk about, this seems like a great place to do it. i have a personal book account but i feel weird making people i know read my (not complete or thought out) thoughts and i hate proper grammar when im getting my feelings out

My rating- 4/7

it has been weeks since i read it so pieces are missing from my brain already but anyway

I WILL BE PUTTING SPOILERS BELOW HERE

overall, i really liked the book. i was really keeping my expectations low because while ashley can tell a great story on a podcast, i wasn't sure that would transfer over to her book. i also really enjoy her podcast, and i didn't want a negative review of the book to alter my opinion of that.

anyway, like i said, i truly enjoyed the book. I feel like there was a lot of good material that kept you guessing and while at some points I feel like there was almost too much going on, it didn't overwhelm me. i'm not sure if it was just me but I do feel like there were moments it became harder to follow, especially when new characters were introduced. I will admit that part of that is my fault because I have a tendency to read 5 books at once, a few chapters at a time.

things i really liked

pete. i feel like he was just a feel good character and ashley made you want to like him and root for him. i really liked him in the background and if theres a sequel or spinoff or anything i just hope its about him because he just reads like a warm hug.

jodie and krissy. listen this came out of nowhere and i absolutely love it. as a member of the LGBTQIA+ community, i feel consumed by straight literature. this nice little surprise representation was a welcome slap in the face and i liked how it was done too. there was no sugarcoating & it just felt like a run of the mill affair, not like a run of the mill GAY affair

how realistic it had the ability to feel. i knew reading this it was a fiction story, but i felt it was really easy to let yourself forget that and think it was a true story. so many aspects are incredibly realistic, from the town's treatment of the family, to the police response, to krissy covering for jace. maybe im so used to ashleys storytelling that it read that way for me, but it evoked a lot of feeling that I often get when im listening to crime junkie

that it was written by ashley flowers!!!! i have been listening to crime junkie for at least 3 or 4 years and love the show so much. i havent been able to find a podcast i enjoy quite as much and so reading her book felt like reading something from an old friend. im glad she was able to do this for herself, im really in awe of what she has done over the years.

there are two things that negatively altered my opinion of the book.

the way she treated luke. I know that she was so consumed with solving the case that she pushed everything else to the side to make it her priority but i cant get past her willingness to leave him alone for extended periods of time. it bothered me that she simply forgot about him after stating many times that he was essentially her father growing up. I just cant imagine being so ok leaving him behind for a case she didnt know she could solve

THE ENDING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! is ashley just leaving it open for a potential sequel? this brings me back to point one. what is happening with luke now? like is he ok? is billy gonna up and murder him too?? i also dont know what piece im missing, again could be me putting pieces in the wrong places, but what is so monumental about january having her blanket that made margot put together the pieces that it was billy? i know it was her special blanket and she held it when she was scared and he gave it to her but how does that implicate him and not anyone else? who is to say that "elephant wallace" didnt see her with it previously & know to give it to her? i dont know what im missing but it just didn't make sense to me that in a split second it all clicked. and also that he had to go and kill her next.

questions that remain about this book:

do we actually know the real killer

i still think luke it sketchy with the "shes asking too many questions about january" thing, something isnt right. how is luke involved?

is jodie okay? doesn't billy know they are in kahoots?

who is going to look for margot? (pete pls)

???? what was the ending here ?????

the police have to put 2 and 2 together now that another dead body is about to show up in billy jacobs basement, right?

[aimmyarrowshigh]

Hi, Aim! 😊 I'm not sure if you've seen the finale of She-Hulk yet, but I'd love to ask about your thoughts and feelings about it if you have, because, man, do I have mixed feelings about it and I'd love to hear what you have to say about it.

Ooh... wow. Marvel literally admitted that they have no idea how to write women's stories, didn't they. Like, "we SO don't know how to write women's stories that we're going to do a weird meta thing about not knowing how to write women's stories and hope that you think it's charming." Like, "we're going to get out of having to write an actual finale because we always flub those AND we're going to get out of writing a woman's story" in one fell swoop. Whoo. Wow. That was a choice.

Also the meta level of the MCU existing within a universe where the characters are real casts like, Hydra, in a REALLY weird space. And like, Steve. Like, are we supposed to go back and rewatch all of the MCU movies through a lens of them being reality shows that the characters know they're being filmed for but have no control over their actions within?? Is Tony dying in Endgame the equivalent of an in-universe snuff film?? Did a film crew sit there and watch Bucky get tortured and young Natasha and Yelena get human trafficked and do nothing?? THIS IS A WEIRD MOVE, MARVEL. IT'S A WEIRD MOVE THAT WAS NOT THOUGHT OUT.

(Also isn't the blood LITERALLY supersoldier serum, Jen? Like that's what Bruce was trying to make when he Hulked?? It's all supersoldier serum. Green Goblin, Hulk, Abomination, it's all supersoldier serum. It's the literal lifeblood of the Marvel Universe. That's why supersoldier serum stories keep showing up??)

I liked Jen/Matt at the cookout at the end. Marvel does like ending their shows with cookouts, apparently.

And I DO like that they didn't go a "the stealing the blood was the real villainy" route and did go the "the act of trespass into her life was the real villainy" thing instead because it's true, but the way they played it is just going to make the real Intelligencias/Reddits/Chans of the world even more pissed off about women and women's stories (and about the direction of Phase 4/5/6).

I liked Nikki and Pug being such good and genuine friends to Jen, because we don't get to see very many Marvel characters have friends. Pretty much just Scott, and his Wombats aren't going to be in Ant-Man 3 and I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT :(

Kevin Feige self-inserting as an omnipotent, all-powerful brain was... a lot. May I direct you to my most recent guest spot on @idontgettechnology's podcast "I Ship It," which was titled "We Have To Talk About Kevin"? Because I think it's time we talked about Kevin. The man thinks he's FRIDAY.

Also I hope we DO see Jen on the big screen because I love Tatiana Maslany and I have so little interest in a Planet Hulk storyline that doesn't involve Gladiators!Steve/Bucky that it's hard for me to put it into words. Like, Bruce is... fine. But I have no attachment to Bruce. He's the Avenger I always forget about. And no Hulkling for Billy??? What is the POINT?

UNLESS it's a hint that they're doing a BATTLEWORLD storyline, hence Jane being alive in Valhalla and we're going to get a BATTLEWORLD: Thors series, which might be fun because more Natalie Portman and also a noir crime story vibe, but also, I'm very tired.

Just mush Jen in with Scott, Cassie, Hope, Shang-Chi, Katy, and Eddie Brock and do a West Coast Avengers thing. Give them A Villain that they need to stop, and then have them stop That Villain. Matt can come, too. But the nested plotlines within plotlines that never end up coming to fruition are too much. There's too much stuff! Too many things!!!

I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHEN STEVE IS COMING BACK FROM THE MOON AND I WANT WANDA TO BE ALIVE, I'M A SIMPLE WOMAN! I want simple things from my Marvel consumption! I want my blorbos and plotlines that make sense! And I want Steve and Bucky to kiss on the mouth!

Also, but Tatiana's legs tho