#bisexuality has always been regardless of gender i hope that helps

[bilestat]

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[kalamity-jayne]

Sorry for asking but I am a cis male teenager (well, I thought I was.) but lately I have realized I think I might be a trans girl? I am very scared to drop my masculinity. How did you find out you were trans if that’s okay to ask?

Of course it's ok! I am always happy to help someone who is questioning their gender. However, this is actually a pretty loaded question, because while there is a lot of talk about "when my egg cracked" in trans circles, figuring out you're trans isn't always attributable to any one singular event. Some folks might crack through and emerge from their egg in one swift motion but that is not true for everyone, it certainly wasn't true for me. Sure I could tell about the moment the first crack in my shell appeared, but a single crack in the egg is a far cry from actually breaking out. For many it's a process that can involve a series of revelations and tends to require lots of self reflection and learning how to love yourself. So, there is no quick and easy answer for this. However, I think my story will have a number of different lessons relevant to your question.

Before getting into all that though, I feel I must point out that cisgender folks rarely ask themselves these kinds of questions and when they do entertain these thoughts it's brief and comes with very little agony. The fact you have gone so far as to reach out to trans woman for advice, the fact the you are clearly worried by the prospect of being trans, is a pretty clear indicator that you probably are trans. Regardless of whether you actually are transgender or not, I want you to know that either way, it's ok. You will be ok, no matter what conclusions you come to.

Now, the story of how I figured out I was trans. Bear in mind, the first “aha moment” was 20 yrs ago and things were very different back then. I was about 17yrs old at the time and the term transgender didn't have the currency then that it does now, there wasn't the robust set of terminology that we have today, there were far fewer resources to turn to, no social media, and the overall public opinion was significantly more hostile towards anything LGBT. Anyway, more below the cut.

I didn't follow the typical trans narrative of the time in the sense that, as a child I didn't really care about my clothes so long as my favorite cartoon characters were on 'em, I liked toys typically marketed towards boys, I looked like a boy and everyone referred to me as a boy. So I thought I was a boy. However, I do have a vague memory from early childhood, somewhere between the ages of 4-6, of sneaking into my mother’s room and stealing a pair of her satin underwear and trying it on (it surely would have been too big on me but I remember liking the texture of the fabric) and hiding it under my bed. This memory has since been confirmed during my adulthood by my brother who shared a room with me at the time and had apparently found the hidden stash.

From an early age I was explicitly shunted towards masculinity. I was regularly told to “stop acting like a girl,” and “quit crying like a girl,” and even at one point to “stop walking like a girl,” by my peers and one of my brothers. By the time I was a teenager I was doing my best to be as masculine as possible going so far as joining the highschool wrestling team, a sport that is as homophobic as it is homoerotic, and I hated every minute of it because being manly didn't feel natural to me (and it definitely didn't stop the bullying). It felt like I was trying to ice skate uphill. I fit in but only imperfectly for I was merely acting.

I was also very confused about my sexuality. I thought maybe I was gay or bisexual (turns out the latter) but that didn’t really explain what I was feeling. Around 17yrs old I got curious about transsexuals, thinking maybe the answers would be found there and hoped on to the early and oh so clunky internet. Now I knew of transsexuals conceptually but I didn't know anything about them. Sadly, pornography was really the only reliable way to actually see what a trans body looked like back then. I was stunned because the women I saw did not look at all the way I expected. I was blown away by how so many of them, genitalia aside, looked indistinguishable from cisgender women. And they were all absurdly beautiful. I felt an immediate attraction but there was something else I felt too, envy. And that realization was the first crack in my eggshell.

After that I couldn't get the thought of crossdressing out of my head. So, I dug through a box of my mother's old clothes and took a few items she no longer wore, an old white tennis skirt and a very very 70s sleeveless orange blouse. I was so comfortable in those clothes and when I looked at myself in the mirror I felt good, really good. So, I continued exploring, shaved off all of of my body hair, went to department stores that were open late at night to buy girl clothes (deathly afraid someone would recognize me), I would stay up late at night to watch HBO because at midnight they would occasionally air stuff about trans people, (I remember two documentary shorts in particular and the movie Soldier’s Girl) and I scoured the internet for more information. The internet search brought me to a website called TG list (at least I think that’s what it was called, this was 20yrs ago after all) which was a directory of resources ranging from The Breast Form Store (which still exists!), a myriad of gender identity quizzes (I took nearly every single one), and Susan’s Place.

Susan’s place was one of the few reliable places to hear from actual transgender adults. Unfortunately, while Susan's Place had a lot of useful information the forums there were full of horror stories, a never-ending supply of all the things those women had suffered. So needless to say, there was little to no positivity around transness to give me hope. I was afraid to call myself trans as a result, afraid of what it meant for my life, my future, and my physical safety (you have to remember that back then Mathew Shepard wasn’t old news, his tragedy was practically current events). So I called myself a crossdresser but for reasons I didn't understand at the time I deeply resented that label. I think deep down, no matter how much I tried to deny it and bury it, a part of knew I wanted to be a girl. So when I came out to my parents as a crossdresser and explicitly told them I wasn't trans, that I didn’t have any desire to transition to female, there was that lil voice at the back of my mind calling me a liar. That voice would follow me until my late 20s.

Coming out was a real struggle for me because not only did I think my life would literally be in jeopardy, I thought everyone would think I was making it up, having not followed the stereotypical models of transsexuality. When I came out to my parents they didn't disown me or anything but they were noticeably uncomfortable around me when I was in girl mode. At a certain point I needed their help (credit card) to buy a gaff for tucking and that was when my parents, out of a misguided desire to protect me, pushed me back into the egg. Because of their rejection I spent the rest of highschool and most of my college years trying to hold the egg together with even more denial and by doubling down on masculinity. While I did have some fun during my college years, on balance I was miserable and depressed. I chafed at my male costume and I knew I was lying to myself the entire time, and I hurt myself a great deal.

During my senior year of college I started privately dabbling with crossdressing again, the desire had been nagging at me incessantly. A short time after graduating I met my wife who accepted that side of me and she introduced me to the BDSM/kink community, and the overall culture of nonjudgmental acceptance there cracked the egg for good, because is provided spaces besides my own room where I felt safe being a girl. From that point on I slowly but surely came out of the egg, first calling myself a crossdresser, then genderfluid for awhile, then GENDA passed in NY making me an explicitly protected class and for the next 2 yrs I presented as a they/them genderqueer woman 100% full time without HRT (I was still reluctant to call myself a woman).

I wrestled a long time with the choice to go on HRT. Ultimately that was always a big stumbling block for me. Therapy had gotten me pretty far but I was still afraid of so much and was unsure I would be happy with the changes because my parents had initially rejected me as their daughter in very paternalistic fashion I struggled to trust my own instincts. I still struggle with that sometimes. Eventually, I befriended a trans woman in my neighborhood who pointed out HRT works very slowly and that it takes a long time for any permanent changes to take root. So, she suggested I give it a try and if it didn't feel right I could stop.

I was also taking gender identity quizzes again. Now most of these claim to be diagnostic and those ones a generally misogynistic garbage (they ask stupid questions like, “are you good at math?” and assign a gendered value to the answer) but I happened upon one that started with the disclaimer that it wasn't diagnostic and instead only offered questions that are good to think with. Two questions in particular were very helpful. The first asked, "If you could take a pill that would allow you to wake up tomorrow as a girl, would you take it?" My answer was a hesitant yes, but that yes was bolstered by the next question, "If you could take a pill that would allow you to wake up as a man, in your current body, but without any dysphoria or desires to be feminine, would you take it?" My answer was an emphatic no because that would have felt like killing an important part of myself off. I then at the age of 33yrs old started HRT and 4yrs in I am incredibly happy. That was one of the best decisions I have ever made.

Now, I know that was a lot of fucking text to read but I wrote all of that because I know the prospect of maybe being a trans girl feels scary to you right now but I want to assure you that as daunting as it may seem there is so much about being a trans woman that is full of beauty and joy. I love my trans womanhood and despite the hardships, I wouldn’t give it up for anything. In fact the opposite is true. Knowing what I know now, I would give up almost everything in order to be a woman. So if you feel like you want to give girlhood a try, do it! You can take small incremental steps and you can always stop if it doesn’t feel right, either way you will gain a degree of self knowledge most cisgender people lack completely and that is absolutely priceless! Plus, unlike me when I was a teen, there’s all kinds of resources and information available to you now and an entire community of people ready to help you, and unlike the women in the forums from my past, we aren’t all gloom and doom.

As for your fear of giving up masculinity, don’t let that fear lure you into the denial trap like it did me. Denial is like quicksand, once you’re in it becomes hard to get out, the more you struggle the deeper in you go and it is so very suffocating. And the thing is, you actually don’t have to give it all up. Back when I was presenting full time as woman without HRT, I felt like I had to be ultra feminine all the time, full face of make-up, dress, heels, the whole nine yards. Now that I’m 4 yrs in with HRT I don’t feel that pressure anymore and have since reclaimed certain aspects of masculinity I actually liked. I sill like presenting high femme from time to time but these days I mostly rock a soft butch aesthetic, flannel/t-shirt, jeans and the only makeup I wear daily is just a lil bit of blush. At certain point you become comfortable and realize that gender is just a sandbox to play in and experiment. Masculine and Feminine are just concepts, they aren’t real! so regardless of being cis or trans, don’t let those mere concepts box you in! Just do what feels natural and right to you!

I hope all of that was helpful to you anon, and that at the very least you walk away from this knowing you don’t have to have all of the answers about yourself right now. Now, I don't no the particulars of your situation, so I’m happy to speak with you further if you have follow up questions, just send another anon.

Best of luck to you anon, I am rooting for you!

Big hugs,

Mother Calamity

[stormblessed95]

So I’ve gone back and forth about sending this ask(?) to you, but I have just been sitting thinking about this for a over a month with no one to vent to.

Basically, since indigo came out, I have been slightly nervous about PJM1s release (also super excited and will stream until my ears bleed). Cause of my nerves—Closer. As you are likely well aware, the song closer explicitly talks about having an intimate relationship with a woman. This led everyone on twitter, myself included, to assume RM is, at the very least, sexually attracted to women (to be fair, the feminine pronouns were in Paul Blanco’s verse). My thing, and i don’t think it hit me until indigo came out, is that we could see something similar with PJM1. I mean all it could take is one pronoun (context dependent) to more or less disprove jikook, which kinda makes me sad.

Now, I am well aware BTS has used feminine pronouns in past music. And I want to make it clear that I support both JM and JK as individuals first, and that’s not going to change. And regardless of their relationship, I adore their bond. But, I’ve spent a good amount of time thinking that there was something more than friendship between them, so idk, I guess I have yet to become completely comfortable with the idea that they may not be or never had been together. I keep telling myself it doesn’t actually matter, but apparently my heart and brain are not aligned lol.

Now, Jimin may choose not to sing about romantic/sexual relationships on PJM1, but he has mentioned along the lines that he wants to show a more mature and more real side to him and his craft, so I feel it’s likely his album will include a few songs of that nature.

Those are essentially all my thoughts on this. I guess my ask would be do you have any thoughts on this? No pressure to answer!

Regardless, stream Vibe! Stream Indigo! Stream Dreamers! Stream Jack in the box!

I mean, Vibe opened with the use of gendered pronouns and labeling of who Taeyang was speaking to with the use of "girl" in his verse where Jimin kept away from any pronouns and just said "you" "love" "baby" and kept all parts of the song he was on gender neutral, and he had writing credits meaning he probably wrote most of his own verses/the bridge. So if he was going to, he had the chance. Every single solo song he has ever done too is gender neutral. Vibe, With You, Filter, Serendipity, Promise, Lie....

So I'm not worried. Lol and I also don't think a "girl" lyric would disprove or prove a possible gay relationship he could be in. People sing about past, present and future relationships/flings/feelings/ideas when they write love songs. Plus, if you'd ask me to guess Jimins sexuality, I'd guess bisexual, or at least a label that includes him liking women too as he has self proclaimed admitting to crushing on a school mate, who was a girl, pre-debut. Not that it couldn't have changed when he grew out of any heteronormativity that he had, but that would still be my guess.

And I understand it being easier said than done to get your heart and brain to always align. That takes time. It's okay to give yourself that time graciously and be kind to yourself too. I know this probably isn't helpful for you since my answer is basically "I'm not worried about it either way" lol but it is what it is. And I hope it helps anyway.

And yes, let's all work together to stream hard for our beloved members!💜

[contrappostoes]

hello i wanted to ask you a question and i hope i don't sound biphobic.. what do you think of bi people in a heterosexual relationship who say they're "queering" heterosexuality or that their relationship is still queer? as a bi person myself i don't really get how you can "queer" a straight relationship because being queer is an act, unless the other person is also bi and they engage in sex practices that are subversive of heterosexual norms.... but i don't know! are there more academic discussions about this? i would like to hear your more informed opinion!

Hi! So this is a whole can of worms, but I'll do my best to answer...not without adding a couple long ass caveats first though, as always 😭

First, I think it's helpful to draw a distinction between sexuality descriptors as they're used to describe our private, internal experiences of sexuality, the ones that are mediated by invisible qualities like our personal sense of identity and time, and the sexuality descriptors as they're used as a tool of social categorization and political organization. I'm not interested in arguing against the idea that regardless of orientation, a visibly M/F couple will typically be read as straight, a visibly M/M or F/F couple will be read as gay or lesbian, and each will materially be treated differently as a result - this is obviously true, we live in a cisheteropatriarchal culture.

As always, I also think it's important to remember that words like straight, gay, queer, etc. are historically & culturally determined terms with their own messy histories, and that they're not necessarily going to track perfectly onto our lived experiences of sexuality as a result. So let's momentarily put aside any complaints about people who will say this stuff out of personal insecurity surrounding their "place in the queer community," or because they want to disrespect the sexual boundaries or lived struggles of gays and lesbians - not saying that you're doing this or that these people don't exist, but I don't think this is where the majority of people are coming from (despite how loud they can be on the internet), so I just want to get ahead of it.

To answer one of your questions, there is some academic discussion about this - this is by no means exhaustive, just a couple papers I've read that touch on the topic:

"Queer Ethics; Or, The Challenge of Bisexuality to Lesbian Ethics" by Elisabeth D. Däumer

"Playing with Butler and Foucault: Bisexuality and Queer Theory" by April S. Callis

Both are really interesting and fairly accessible imo, even if you've never read Foucault or Butler! And if you didn't already know, you can read 100 articles per month for free on JSTOR.

Those papers aside, my perspective has been informed by my personal experience more than anything. The tl;dr is that I don't really care what others do, but that I also think bisexuality throws a significant wrench into what we otherwise consider to be a relatively stable sense of ourselves as gendered, sexual, political, and social beings. It's destabilizing enough to make categorizing the emotional, sexual, erotic, and social aspects of our relationships as strictly straight or gay difficult for some people. While some of our relationships will be categorized this way in order to render them socially and politically intelligible to the larger culture, I think we can afford be a little more creative when we talk about how our bisexuality makes finding the right language for our relationships difficult. This of course won't be everyone's experience, but I can really only speak for myself here - I'll elaborate more on my personal experience and feelings under the read more if you're interested.

I'm not sure how much you know about me, so I'll give you the run down: prior to identifying as bi, I identified as a lesbian, and for most of my life I have found that my attraction (social, emotional, sexual, and much later, romantic) has been directed almost exclusively towards women. So much of the way I relate to others and myself have been informed by this lifelong experience of loving & being loved by women as someone who is read as a woman. I no longer identify as a lesbian (or strictly as a woman), but those experiences continue to shape the way I approach casual and intimate relationships, the way I have sex, my politics, my understanding of my gender, etc.

I prefer to sleep around and am not interested in dating for the foreseeable future (slut rights!), so I can't speak specifically from the POV of relationships...but I have found that this lifetime's worth of "lesbian" experiences have intimately affected my sexual experiences with men. Sex between women has its own unique tempo and its own language of eroticism, having sex with women has shaped the way I understand the "goals" of sex, how I move in my body, how I touch my partner...my encounters with women are ever present in & relevant to my encounters with men. Likewise, my experiences with men, specifically queer men, have impacted the way I have sex with women - I participate in still different practices of eroticism, different ways of relating to the bodies and emotions of others, different ways of understanding & accessing my physicality, and those experiences make constant additions and edits to the way I fuck women.

The effect of all this has been that I personally don't find much meaning in categorizing any given encounter as gay or straight. I think of this quote from Epistemology of the Closet quite often:

Will I categorize things along gay/straight lines for the purposes of answering a sexual health questionnaire when getting tested at a clinic, for example? Sure. But privately, between me and myself and me and my partners, I find the language inadequate. Even when the kind of sex I'm having isn't technically "subversive of heterosexual norms," the totality of my queer experience and how it never stops impacting upon my understanding of myself as a gendered, sexual, emotional, social, romantic, and political being prevents me from understanding it as entirely straight. At the same time, I wouldn't be offended if someone who is not privy to this history would label that encounter as a straight one. It's just a byproduct of the vocabulary available to us in the culture we live in.

I think it's important to understand that outside of the context of group sex or mixed gender polyamorous relationships, there is no way for us to meaningfully "perform" bisexuality. The origins of our modern sexuality labels lie in medicine and psychiatry, which has positioned heterosexual and homosexual acts as a dichotomy, with the goal of pathologizing homosexuality for the purposes of social control. In the article by Callis I linked above, she points out,

...the medicalization of "homosexual acts" forbids the creation of a bisexual person, because all individuals who were sexually active with others of the same sex were labeled as homosexual. Eadie (1993) stated that "bisexuality simply cannot exist as a category in discourses which name all male-male and female-female sex 'homosexual' and all male-female sex 'heterosexual'" (p.146) [...] Because "bisexual acts" did not exist within the medical discourse, there was also no corresponding bisexual species. A group of individuals could not be labeled as "bisexual" if there was no action they could perform that was read in this way. (p. 225)

I've discussed it some on here, but I highly recommend reading the Foucault section of that article for more context. Callis is talking about bisexuality as a personal identity descriptor, but I think the point extends to our descriptions of relationships as well. Another personal example - I have a fwb who is a cis bi man, a strict bottom who primarily has sex with other men. The way we understand ourselves and our relationship with sexuality and gender have been shaped by our sexual histories and preferences. The sum total of those experiences paired with the type of sex we have prevents both of us from understanding our arrangement as a strictly straight one, but if we were in a relationship, how would an outsider who might see us walking down the street hand in hand know that? Another quote, this time from the Däumer (p.96):

Anyway...maybe this wasn't the most direct or objective answer, but I think that the limitations of our language of sexuality mean that lengthier explorations are required - half the problem is that we don't have a succinct shorthand for this stuff! Like I said above, I can't really find it in myself to care what other people do. And I don't particularly care whether other people insist on calling my relationships gay or straight...I might not always agree, but I find it more amusing than distressing. The only thing I really care about is mutual respect and intellectual honesty, which is why I bother to be open about my personal experiences in the first place.

Hope this answers your question even a little bit 😭

[witchthewriter]

hey again!! i hope you’ve been doing good, it’s always a joy seeing your writing on my dashboard. i was wondering if i could participate in the ship event?

fandoms : mcu, grishaverse, stranger things

a little about me! : i define myself as queer (attracted to whoever basically, regardless of gender or whatever) and asexual, and i use any pronouns. 

my mbti type is enfp, and i’m a libra if that helps any <3

i’m pretty outgoing! i like talking to people, i just suck at small talk lmao. apparently i come off like i’m flirting with people a lot of the time whoops-

shitty jokes are my jam. i have a mix of 13 year old boy and grandpa humour.

i’m creative but work in sporadic bursts, i’ll do nothing all day but then bust out a painted jacket because i get a surge of energy at one in the morning

big fan of organized chaos, my room is kind of cluttered but i know where everything is. i’ve got a personal vendetta against minimalism

i love making stuff for people and giving them gifts! it’s my love language lmao

i kickbox and do mma, i like the contrast of me having bright pink hair but being able to kick ass ahsgdgg

i also play bass and guitar! can’t sing for shit though

dream job is either as a freelance illustrator or museum curator. something that i’ll enjoy but will still give me time to myself. my idea of hell is having an office job

Want one? Here be the rules 🦋

I actually literally want to be your best friend. You are CHAOS PERSONIFIED and I love it. I really hope you enjoy your ships <3 message me whenever!!!

What the ships have in common:

⋆ They’re lively/outgoing  ⋆ Fun-loving ⋆ Chaotic ⋆ Interesting ⋆ They literally ARE the party / scene/show stealing

𝐌𝐂𝐔/𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐥

𝐷𝑒𝑠𝑐𝑟𝑖𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛

I ship you with Valkyrie! (Pls keep in mind I haven’t seen the recent Thor movie so if things don’t make sense ... idk man, I guess they’ll just not make sense ;) ) 

I think you would be absolutely brilliant together. Valkyrie would not shy away from you at all; you would make her life even more exciting (which is hard to do btw). I think people would be incredibly intimidated by the both of you too. 

𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑠

・Pick each other’s outfits. I think you two would be ICONS. Like seriously. 

・You know she has responsibilities and duties, but she juggles them really well. 

・She likes to call you really over the top names, like ‘sugar bun,’ ‘sweet cheeks,’ ‘bunny boo.’ She likes embarrassing you

・You two love sparring with each other. Both very competitive and are always trying to one up each other. 

・She likes slow dancing with you thought - look up the song, ‘I’m Kissing You’ by Des’ree. It’s literally your guys’ song.

𝐆𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞

𝐷𝑒𝑠𝑐𝑟𝑖𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 

I ship you with Jesper Fahey! (And don’t worry, I looked up his sexuality and he’s bisexual.) 

 𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑠

・When he first laid eyes on you, his breath hitched. Even in the Grishaverse you found a way to go against the crowd. 

・Relationship tropes: ‘chaotic duo,’ ‘something usually breaks wherever you too go,’ ‘aggressively supportive.’

・I do feel as if there is angst in this relationship - especially at the beginning. You would see Jesper as this playboy who wouldn’t even notice you. But he thought you hated him. Obviously that wasn’t the case. Not unti lnej was like ‘pull your head out of your asses guys c’mon.’ 

・Wants you to feel as included in the gang as possible. You were probably hired as Kaz’s bodyguard due to your training. That’s how you’re associated. 

・You become a part of the inner circle; it’s Kaz, Inek, Jesper & you. 

𝐒𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬

𝐷𝑒𝑠𝑐𝑟𝑖𝑝𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 

I ship you with THE Eddie Munson <3 absolute king. Okay, so just like with Jesper, you two would be absolute chaos. Just shenanigans outright wherever you go. I definitely think you and Eddie would be a more traditional couple. In the sense that ... it makes sense you’re together. You’re very similar personality wise. 

 𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑐𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑛𝑠

・Met at your job; you worked in a record shop and Eddie was a regular there. Obviously you knew the rumours about him; his ‘devil worshipping’ and one day you decided to ask him about it... 

   “Summoned any demons lately, Eddie?” You asked casually. 

“Ugh - what was that sweetheart?” He looked at you with his eyebrows raised, one arm on the counter, the other reaching for his tapes. 

   “You know, with your satanic worship and such...” You trailed off, and gave him a cheeky smile. 

“Oh definitely. I was going to ask him about my homework question.” 

・You guys are really cheeky with each other; constantly flirting, until one day one of your friends was in the store as well and asked if you guys were together. 

“What...” you looked at Eddie, and suddenly an idea came into mind. 

“Yeah, how’d you find out?” You looked at your friend with a comical expression; eyebrows raised, eyes wide. 

  Eddie played along, after all he did have a secret crush on you ... 

“I think she might be my soulmate,” Eddie said breathlessly, taking you into his arms and pressing your head to his chest (forcefully it was all very very dramatic.) 

・And when your friend had to go, you said: “why don’t we hang out ... you know ... a date ...” 

    He was shocked. 

And immediately said yes, but tried to play it cool. “I mean ... I guess ... I’ll check my schedule.” 

・I could literally talk about you two all day. You’re so easy to write about - I think the gang would know you previously because you work in such a popular store. 

・You would be great friends with literally everyone. You’re so outgoing and they all love you so much. You teach Max how to defend herself, you talk to Lucas about basketball, Dustin literally has a crush on you etc. 

[drpduncanfms]

[ janet montgomery, cis woman, she/her ] - was that PAISLEY DUNCAN i saw by the lighthouse today? i heard that the THIRTY-FIVE year old who has been in nightrest for THREE YEARS and works as a ER HEAD DOCTOR AT GRIGGS GENERAL has a reputation of being PASSIONATE, but also STUBBORN. they reside in ASHMORE & people in town usually associate them with NEON COLORED SNEAKERS MISMATCHING HER SCRUBS, HER HAIR IN DIFFERENT KINDS OF BRAIDS SURVIVING 12-HOUR SHIFTS, A PACK OF MALTESERS IN HER POCKET, A CUP OF COLD TEA LATTE. let’s hope the killer doesn’t go after them next.

FULL NAME: dr. paisley duncan, m.d. NICKNAMES: pais, duncan, dunk AGE: 35 / august 2nd, 1987 GENDER & PRONOUNS: cisfemale, she/her FACECLAIM: janet montgomery HEIGHT: 5’6” SEXUALITY: bisexual OCCUPATION: ER head doctor at griggs general

tw: pregnancy

paisley duncan was born august 2nd, 1987 in a very privileged family, her parents, edward and piper duncan, are owners of a widely-known vineyard in windsor, england supplying not just many known businesses not just in the country but around the world, but also the royal family. the duncans have always been raised to be prim and proper, but it was paisley, the oldest of the bunch, who is considered to be the black sheep of them all. but it wasn’t always like that, until her sibling was born and all the attention was on them instead. it was like she was expected to be abiding to the family’s rules yet at the same time, they do not care that much as they used to be with her anymore. that’s why she went against the family’s wishes, not caring if they wanted her to inherit the vineyard someday, instead, she took up a path of her own, packed her things and moved to the states. she hasn’t told much people, even her family, but paisley always wanted to be a doctor, have a way to help people as she always dreamt of to begin with.

to start, she took up bachelor of science in human health and technology in the university of new hampshire, of course, even if her parents did not agree with most of her decisions, they still decided to fund for her studies, but not because they support her, it was because they had a reputation to uphold, and at the same time, they wanted to prove paisley wrong for being able to survive on her own, achieve her goals, yet of course, as she was progressing, graduating from her pre-medical course and continuing to medical school, that’s when they realized, maybe paisley does not belong to where they’ve always wanted her to be all this time. yet it was too late, the aspiring doctor had been so distant that it was almost dead silent from her end, regardless of the fact that they were still sending her money for her studies.

after she graduated from medical school, the woman then moved to salem, to take up a residency program at the salem hospital, and that’s where she meets and got close with one of the other aspiring doctors taking up the program as well, of course, usually it was kind of a tight ship there, but with the two hitting it off instantly made things bearable for paisley. she didn’t like having a shoulder to lean on, but dom made it so easy, cracked the hard exterior she’s always had growing up and before she knew it, the man had a hold of her heart. if she were to think about it, he is her first and greatest love, though she would never admit that out loud, spending times in on-call rooms, either giving each other a pop quiz, arguing about anything and everything, or just talking about their days, one finding the other taking a nap in the supply closet, to them hanging out outside of the hospital, those turning into dinner, into them basically realizing that they’re in love with each other. of course, they tried to make it work, but with the lines of their personal and professional relationship blurred out over the years from them being just residents to her going up the ranks and eventually paisley being the head doctor of the ER, paisley thought their relationship isn’t going to work anymore, hence to her ending up things with him after one of their shifts, not knowing that she was pregnant with their child, which at first, she used to lie to him that the child wasn’t his, but eventually, when she was born, one look was all it took for him to know the truth. eventually, she makes a move to nightrest and transfers to work at griggs general, where she could at least put a distance between her and the father of her child without him missing out on anything about their daughter.

laurel duncan, the light of paisley’s life, someone who she looks forward to spending time with outside of her work, in fact, she is the only thing she has outside of her professional life. of course, she lets the young one spend time with her father, it wasn’t much of a discussion, all it took was one look when she was born and he knew she was his. besides only talking to him about anything hospital-related, laurel has been their only connection, paisley always finding ways to avoid discussions of their relationship.

now paisley only has two priorities in life, her career and her child, nothing else, unless life as a single mom in nightrest has something prepared for her.

[posi-pan]

ive always noticed how panphobes (specifically the "battleaxe bi" types) will try to redefine bi so it's just the standard definition of pan (like people saying "bisexuality is attraction regardless of gender" in order to try and "prove" that there's no difference between bi and pan.)

Though, while "attraction regardless of gender" is the case for a lot of bisexual people, I also know plenty of bisexual people who do experience gendered attraction, have gender preferences, or aren't attracted to all genders. This universal definition of the label the "battleaxe bi" people are forcing just doesn't fit them.

i can't help but feel like in their efforts to erase any difference between bi and pan, these "battleaxe bis" end up talking over and erasing other bisexual people. I don't think I've ever seen a "battleaxe bi" properly acknowledge the bisexuals that aren't attracted to all genders, and i can't help but think about all of the bi people i know who don't fit the definitions they're giving. It just feels like they're hurting other bisexual people in the process of trying to make the pansexual label seem invalid by forcing their definitions of the label onto others. (I hope this anon makes sense, I've been thinking about it for a while)

yeah this has been going on for a while. bi has always defied a strict singular definition. which is why broad ones like "two or more" or "more than one" have been the most common community wide for decades. but then pan started getting visibility and suddenly bi has "always meant all" then some years later suddenly bi has "always meant regardless of gender".

folks always bust out any instance of those definitions being used by bi people from like the 80s or something as proof that they've "always" been "the" definition, but all it proves is that some people used those definitions (i mean, there's plenty of "proof" that even more people used other definitions), which just shows that bi has never had a strict singular definition.

i have a post about this: https://posi-pan.tumblr.com/post/653443964762013696/i-want-to-talk-about-panphobes-saying-bi-is-and

and there's also the aspect of them thinking any bi person using those definitions proves pan doesn't need to exist or "stole" the bi definition. when in reality, pan and bi came from the same community, so of course there's overlap in our definitions and language. like. this isn't news lmao but they act like it's a gotcha.

but god forbid someone point out to them that they're being biphobic and doing what they accuse pan people of doing. babs are willing to throw their fellow bi people under the bus if they think they've got a good argument against pan. but pan folks are the ones dividing and harming the community. sure.

[chaseraynor]

( felix mallard, cismale, he/him, oc ) oh snap! is that CHASE RAYNOR? they work over at high volume where some of the other employees have labeled them as THE CREPEHANGER. that’s probably because they can be a bit ( pragmatic ) but also pretty ( stoic ) they’re TWENTY-THREE and they’ve been living in woodstock for THEIR WHOLE LIFE. it must be their shift because i totally hear ALICE IN CHAINS blasting from the record store. ( aesthetics: worn out black converse, blasting music to block out people’s voices, midnight walks, discarded graffiti spray under his bed, dull eyes ) [ JIA, 27, GMT+3, SHE/HER ]

muse’s anthem: in the end by linkin park

INTERVIEW  | PINTEREST

STATISTICS.

NAME: Chase Andrew Raynor

AGE: 23

BIRTHDAY: May 19

ZODIAC SIGN: Taurus

GENDER & PRONOUNS: Cismale, he/him 

FACE CLAIM: Felix Mallard

PARENTS: Harry (deceased) & Josephine Raynor

SIBLINGS: Dallas (25), Violet (18), Jacob (17) & Kimberly (15)

PLACE OF BIRTH & CURRENT RESIDENCE: Woodstock, Illinois

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: bisexual

HEIGHT: 5′10″ (1.78 m)

TATTOOS: the word surrender on his right wrist and two thick black arm bands on his left forearm

BACKGROUND.

Things weren’t always so messy for Chase. Born to Harry and Josephine Raynor, it was just him and Dallas for quite some time while their father was on deployment, making the brothers best friends. It’s safe to say that after Violet, Jacob, and Kimberly came into the picture, the house was loud and rowdy more often than not, but the Raynors were always tight and loving and as simple as you could expect.

Tragedy struck when their father died while on deployment when Chase was fourteen years old, and from there it all went downhill for the Raynors. What was once a happy family, became one plagued with trauma and grief. Their mother never really recovered from the loss of her husband, and she became a ghost of herself. While physically around, she was completely disconnected and it was Dallas and Chase who had to shoulder the responsibility of not only taking care of her, but also look after their young siblings and the house, both of them working while also studying in an attempt to make ends meet.

His plan to leave Woodstock came to life not long after his father died, and he tried to save up while helping Dallas out. Despite the hardships the eldest Raynor brothers encountered, they found support and understanding in each other.

 It was them against the world. Till it wasn’t.

Roughly two years ago, Dallas decided it was time to make his dream alive and leave Woodstock to go on tour with his band, Van Buren. This had come as a big shock to Chase who felt both betrayed and abandoned, as he was left to pick up the pieces on his own. While that showed Chase that the dream of leaving was feasible, it also made things ten times harder for him and hit the brakes on his own plans to leave town because he would never leave his mother and his siblings on their own to fend for themselves when the latter were still so young.

PERSONALITY.

As his label says, he’s a pessimist (however, he’ll call himself a realist). That’s not to say he doesn’t try and work towards his goals, but he isn’t hopeful that anything will happen in his favor, often believing things won’t work in his favor. He believes it’s smarter and easier to navigate life that way. He wasn’t always that way, but with his father’s death and the never ending chaos that ensued afterwards, he became one. He’s direct and straight to the point, not one to waste time or beat around the bush, which makes him a little brutally honest and blunt sometimes and can make him come across as someone who doesn’t talk much. He’s the type that needs to get used to someone before he can comfortably talk to them and joke around. He’s also not one to show his emotions, regardless of what’s going on inside of him, which has given some people the impression that he’s more on the heartless end of the spectrum. His father’s death traumatized him to no end, and he’s never been able to grieve the loss properly.

HEADCANONS.

He’s a very skilled graffiti artist, and has been one since he was thirteen. It’s not something he readily or often shares about himself with people, opting to keep it to himself.

Ever since Dallas left, he hasn’t been able to keep a job to save his life. He’s worked four different jobs, most of which he quit early on. 

He skateboards sometimes.

He played a little soccer in high school, but it wasn’t something he particularly cared about.

WANTED CONNECTIONS.

Friends who bicker for the fun of it

Childhood friends

Someone who likes to annoy Chase to get a reaction out of him <3

Someone who knows about his graffiti art (additionally maybe they like it and support him and even watch him while he does his art??)

Exes: could be during high school or more recent and we can discuss specifics!

Sibling like relationship

A one night stand they pretend never happened?? Idk I think it’s funny

Friends with benefits

Someone who wants to break down his walls?? idk

Drinking buddies

Smoking buddies: he’s an occasional smoker

Ex friends: we can discuss what happened!

Someone who straight up does not like Chase

ANYTHING! <3 Give me everything!

@volumeupdates

[hellomynameisbisexual]

“QUEER”

First of all, let’s clear up a common misconception. Queer does not just mean gay. It’s an umbrella term for an identity which deviates from society’s perceived norm: heterosexual, or straight. Queer can refer to sexualities — gay, bisexual, pansexual, — or it can refer to being gender-queer; i.e, any label that deviates from the perceived gender norm: the binaries, male and female.

“Queer” is a reclaimed slur.

If you do not fall under the umbrella of queerness, it is safe to assume that you cannot use it. At all.

I am bisexual.

This means I experience attraction to plural genders. Pansexual also works fine. For the difference between bisexual and pansexual — see here:

Being bisexual isn’t easy. I went through similar hardships to gay women: I experienced attraction to women and was scared of what this meant for me, in such an oppressively homophobic society.

I am not saying being bisexual is harder than being gay, nor the inverse. But my experiences are distinctly bisexual, not gay.

Without further ado, here are the 3 things I’ve found to be the hardest about being queer, but not gay (enough).

#1: Finding My Place

Or, not being queer enough

I always knew I wasn’t straight, but I didn’t know what I was. Up until recently, I was still questioning. This didn’t feel enough to join groups or conversations with LGBT+ folk, let alone go to pride. Was I even LGBT if I was never L, G, B, or T?

I am still yet to attend a pride, even though I identify (fairly confidently) as bisexual. I am in a relationship with a man. This is (problematically) known as a “straight-passing relationship” and makes me feel even more undeserving of a place at pride.

This has been upsetting to me at times. But for others, it can be outright devastating. Growing up and needing support, but feeling like you’re ‘not gay enough’ to ask for it? So many young people are being left alone and afraid. Finding others like you is vital to figuring out who you are. Likewise, finding spaces which are safe and inclusive is vital for anyone, regardless of their sexuality or gender identity. A friend of mine happens to be a transgender man, and he summed up the issue perfectly:

“One thing that I keep noticing is how all hangout spots are “gay bars”, or (far less common) “lesbian bars”. I’m a straight man, so I don’t feel like I’m supposed to be there, but hanging out at regular bars is still too much of a gamble, so I don’t really have anywhere to go.”

It goes without saying that gay folk aren’t always safe in these spaces, as seen by the homophobic attack on the Pulse nightclub in Orlando, in 2016. Bigotry hurts the entire LGBT+ community. Bigotry doesn’t stop to ask whether you identify as gay or otherwise queer before it pulls the trigger.

But the LGBT+ community itself is much more welcoming to those who “pick a side” and just come out as gay, already. The infighting is inexplicable when one looks to attacks such as that in Orlando: bigots don’t care which letter you are in the acronym. So why does gatekeeping exist when we need to be strong in the face of intolerance when fragmentation only makes us weaker? Who are we helping by continuing to exclude identities from the discussion?

#2: Myths and Misconceptions

Well, it stands to reason that if bisexuals are what they seem in TV and movies, why would anyone want to make them feel included? They’re “greedy” and inauthentic. They’re attention-seeking, not to mention their propensity for threesomes. Now, I haven’t been in a wild orgy yet, but it seems like it will only be a matter of time before I follow my natural path.

Straight men, in particular, need to own up to their assumption that bisexual women are down for a threesome. The thing is, we are. But not with you, you big ASSUMER.

Infidelity

All jokes aside, the stereotyping of bisexuals is not only hurtful, but leads to difficulties finding and maintaining relationships.

As I came to terms with my bisexuality, I also had to accept that I might never be fully trusted by my partner, regardless of their gender or sexuality. I was shocked when my partner reacted to my coming out with the equivalent of a shrug — so much so, that I burst into tears of gratitude that my soul-bearing moment hadn’t been met with slut-shaming or assumptions of disloyalty. Nothing has changed. If anything, our bond is even stronger for me having been more authentic after coming out.

But cruelty came from elsewhere: when I came out, I was told that my partner was to be pitied, either because I’m gay and in denial, or bound to cheat on him. The main consequence of such attitudes has been the crippling fear of coming out to my partner. It saddens me that I felt so relieved when he accepted me for being who I am, and loving him just the same as I always have.

This outcome is not the case for many couples, with straight folk worried that their bisexual partner will realise they’re gay and just leave them. This fear of abandonment comes from a place of ignorance. When the media presents bisexuality as a steppingstone on the way to “picking a team”, it’s no wonder that people struggle to trust their queer partners.

Other Queer Myths

The myth that all trans folk medically transition invalidates those who choose not to do so, and let’s not forget the ignorant jeers that it's all just a mental illness. Asexual folk battle the stereotype that they can never have a relationship and shall forever remain a virgin (because what an awful thing that would be, right?) And pansexuals… well, at the lighter end, they’re asked if they have sex with cooking utensils. But often, they’re erased as irrelevant because “we already have the label bisexual”.

This brings us onto the third and final difficulty that comes with queer folk who aren’t easily categorizable as gay: erasure.

#3: Erasure

Erasure refers to the denial of an identity’s existence or its validity as a label.

Non-binary folk face ongoing and loud claims that they simply do not exist. This is despite the historical and scientific evidence to the contrary. Plus, the most important evidence — them, existing. Asexual folk are told they simply have not found the right person yet, or that they are just afraid of sex. Demi-sexual folk are told “everyone feels like that, unless they’re just sleeping around!”. And bisexuals are dismissed as simply being in denial that they’re gay.

Monosexuality & The Gender Binary

Our culture is so built on monosexuality (being solely attracted to one gender — for instance, gay or straight). Monosexuality is reinforced through everything from marriage to dating apps, the media to what we teach in schools. People cannot fathom that someone might want to experience more than one gender in their lifetime.

The binary models of sex and gender are also deeply ingrained. These rigid belief systems combined are to blame for our inability to accept that bisexuals do not need to “pick a side”. I was paralysed by fear for 17 years because I found girls attractive and that might mean I’m gay, because bisexuals are just gays who haven’t realised they’re gay yet.

Bierasure

Bierasure is dangerous, firstly because it leads a child to have to internalise both biphobia and homophobia. For instance, I had to work through being taught to hate gayness, whilst being taught that any attraction to non-male genders made me gay.

Women were cute, and so I was gay, and this meant I was disgusting.

My own mother told me this. She also told me that something has “gone wrong in the womb” for a child to be gay. (Well, Mum, I’ve got some bad news about your womb!)And she, like any bigot, extended this theory to anyone who experiences same-sex attractions — anyone queer. This is another reason why bi-erasure is perilous. Whether you’re a gay, cis-male or a demi-bisexual, trans woman… if your parents will kick you out for being gay, they will likely kick you out for being any sort of queer.

If we deny the bigotry that bisexuals undergo, we will continue to suffer. It won’t just go away. It will fester, with bisexuals having no one they can go to who believes them. And thus:

Erasure Kills

Bullying and suicide rates of queer-but-not-gay people continue to sky-rocket. We must direct funding, support and compassion to every queer individual, as they are all vulnerable to discrimination and bullying. The problem is being left to fester. This is in part because bigots treat all queer labels as just ‘gay’, deeming them equally unworthy. This is how far erasure can go.

Conclusion

Earlier on, I stated that my experiences are distinctly bisexual. The same applies to any queer identity.

Emphasising our differing paths and struggles is important to avoid the aforementioned erasure of already less visible groups. But this does not mean that the LGBT+ community should be fragmented by these differences.

If we can unite in our hope to live authentically and love freely, we will be stronger against bigotry. We are fighting enough intolerance from without: there is no need to create more from within.

So out of everything, what’s the hardest part about being bisexual?

It’s the fact that nobody knows it’s this hard.

[romulussy]

Hello I was the anon with the insane Roman thoughts earlier! love ur points, very much agree roman’s been to therapy but only for a bit (also think he does the thing where he’s a bit attached to his suffering so he kind of rejects help because of it)

So my gender thoughts! they’re mostly about both shiv and Roman. Roman in particular I think could read very interesting as a trans man who lacks confidence in his own masculinity, a trans woman who doesn’t get it yet (imagine the internalized shame of that after growing up with Logan and after the way he’s treated for not being masculine enough even with people seeing him as cis? Also makes the “Roman fills the ‘daughter’ duties of the family better than shiv but both are resented for that due to their sexes’ thing the show has going kind of more interesting tbh) and/or a non-binary person/non-binary man who will never get it because like. Environment, Fox News etc. It’s not necessarily that I think Roman isn’t cis in canon, but I do think that interpreting Roman in those ways can be compelling for different reasons and is all possible with how vague everything is.

Shiv I also think could be read as a non-binary woman who will never get it. Her disconnection to her own womanhood is so compelling to me & it’s clear to me that she barely even considers her gender aside from when it’s used against her (to her surprise) or she can use it strategically. There’s this remove she seems to feel from women in general. Ofc this is just as interesting and realistic as a cis woman with internalized misogyny & who fails to perform expected femininity but yeah idk it was just a thought I had that I felt worth thinking about in it implications are least

Obviously I do think that Roman and Shiv both being obviously bisexual/gay within canon does affect their gender performance and identity and is actually a really interesting parallel, how both of the children coded queer are the ones Logan is unsatisfied for because they fail to fill the gender stereotypes he expects, and this is just as much an experience relatable to cis gayness ofc and there’s interesting analysis to be had there too

Oof that’s long oops hope this is something???

he’s a bit attached to his suffering so he kind of rejects help because of it oooooo very good point, i can def see that with him

also i love the parallel you've drawn between shiv and roman. with shiv i've always attributed that disconnect she has with women as internalised misogyny and a product of the environment she grew up in, but i love this spin and can def see where you're coming from!! and again i agree there are multiple ways to read roman, and the tragedy ofc is that regardless of what you settle on, he's never going to be at ease with his identity with logan still in his life.

also that last part makes me want to eat drywall because like, if roman could perform the masculine ideal logan wants from his son, logan would respect him more for it (though there'd still be a million other things to pick at, no doubt), whereas even if shiv fit logan's ideal of what his daughter should be like, she's still always going to be at a disadvantage because ultimately she's still a woman.

[consulaaris]

SHEPHERDS OF HAVEN RECRUIT FORM - RHIANNON VASI

(template by @shepherds-of-haven !)

.

BIOGRAPHICAL INFO

name + nicknames: rhiannon vasi - rhia (by red, and later the other shepherds), sunshine/frosty/ice-queen (by chase)

titles: captain of the shepherds, the hero of haven, the dragonslayer

callsign: aethereal (possibly glacier)

gender: cis woman

sexuality: bisexual

pronouns: she/her

racial heritage: hunter

age + flower day: 28 years + 12 leph (winter)

height: 5’3” (160cm)

“a female mage with waist-length tousled raven hair and attractive stormy grey eyes. you're wearing your shepherds uniform and sun medallion. you have a streak of white in your hair as a result of your hunter heritage, and your cloak sports a golden eagle clasp.”

.

BACKGROUND INFO

weapon: daggers

magic specialization: elementalist (aetherai)

birthplace: maj

education: circle-trained

.

MISCELLANEOUS INFO

past jobs: freelance mercenary, bodyguard, library assistant, tavern waitress (that one lasted like, a solid day and a half before she blew up on a rude customer)

likes: fancy cloaks, books, khav, stargazing, sweets & baked goods, picnics, cats, snowy or rainy weather, quiet days, inside jokes, cuddling with her friends & loved ones

dislikes: people prying into her past, pickled vegetables, enclosed and/or crowded spaces, swimming, being Known™ in haven

strengths: magic (both brute force & controlled), knife-fighting, working with children, speed, cleverness, quick-thinking, introspectiveness, honesty

weaknesses: social situations, overly stubborn, past injuries (particularly on her hands) sometimes make it hard to fight physically, brute strength, holds grudges, emotionally repressed + PTSD, has a major guilt complex & will push people away/get herself into dangerous situations to “protect them” (doesn’t consider her own safety to be an important thing, essentially)

hobbies + special skills: wood carving, studying magic/history/astronomy, writing poetry, impressive gambling skills (she’s good at people reading and has a great poker face; she just struggles when she has to like. actually talk LOL)

major arcana: the hermit

dnd morality alignment: chaotic neutral/true neutral; leans towards the good side there, though

meyers-briggs personality type: intj-t

.

PERSONALITY

heart of gold / will of iron (it’s a 52-48 split- very close)

rebellious / loyal

independent / social

tactful / straightforward

bold / cautious

charming / stoic / intimidating

witty / sincere

resentful / forgiving

self-preserving / self-sacrificing (rhia claims she’s self-preserving, but she’s really... not)

book-smart / street-smart

one-god / atheist / old faith

bright mind / silver tongue / razor wits / nerves of steel

overall personality: although as a child/teen she was confident and playful, ten years of life alone and on the run have hardened rhia and caused her to retreat into her shell. she’s always been headstrong and stubborn, but now she tends to come across as rather prickly or icy to people she doesn’t know or trust. when you do get to know her though, it’s clear she’s more awkward than intentionally mean, although her personality can still come off as snarky or abrasive when she’s in uncomfortable situations or around unfamiliar faces. rhia can be a bit temperamental at times, but (though she’s convinced otherwise) she’s a good person with a kind heart who’s incredibly protective of those she cares about, no matter how much she may try to deny or bury it- she never asked for the powers to save the world, but she’ll be damned if she won’t do it... regardless of the cost to herself. she blames herself entirely for the loss of her village and is terrified of hurting the people she loves like that again, but joining the shepherds is the biggest catalyst for rhia trying her best to open up once more. though she’s always cared for them in her own way she’s now beginning to truly trust them, and with red around she’s slowly starting to show her softer side again, too.

.

RELATIONSHIPS

best friend(s): red antiqua, halek prince, riel syndran, briony stormbreaker, caine

preferred mission partner(s): red, halek, blade (they butt heads, but rhia trusts his work ethic lolol), and ayla or briony. generally a team that she trusts to get stuff done & won’t give her a heart attack (i.e. working with chase or trouble can be fun, but rhia is Stressed)

friendly rival(s): probably chase a little bit, just because they tend to snark at each other a lot. they’re good friends though! she and ayla also get a little competitive since they’re both elementalists, but it’s the type of rivalry that pushes them both to improve.

love interest(s): red antiqua (ex and current)

first kiss scenario: okay but the fact that i could 100% see that being their first kiss as teenagers + a possible first kiss once they get back together... good shit. (and i do have a WIP where rhia gets injured... 🤔)

enemies: ebert, the endarkened, the autarchy, moonsilk (not really she’s just big mad + halek is her bff ajsjjsjsj)

.

REFERENCE QUOTES

“she’s got a passion for learning, that one. miss vasi was the best assistant i’ve had in ages, and though i often found her reading on the job she always finished her work. very detail oriented, too, although i do wish she hadn’t left so suddenly. it always did feel like she was running from something.” (- librarian from an unnamed city in Blest)

“rhiannon’s vicious in a fight, i’ll give ‘er that much. she’s not exactly the most chatty o’ folks, but if yer looking for a good bodyguard you ain’t getting’ much better than ‘er.” (- fellow mercenary)

“i think she might hold the record for the shortest amount of time a waitress ever worked here. to be fair, i don’t really blame her for throwing a drink in that man’s face and threatening to shove her foot up his you-know-where when he made that comment, but business is business.” (- owner of an inn in an unnamed city in Blest)

“rhia was always at the top of our class in the circle; she was confident and funny, and even when she got in trouble it was clear the teachers loved her! she was always happy to help anyone with their work, too- or anything really. she was great fun, one of the good ones. i do wonder what happened in those years she was gone though, because seeing her again, it was like she was almost... sad. like a light all burnt out. i hope she’s alright; i’ve been a little worried, and i know red and neon have too. red especially, if you catch my drift.” (-panrachus )

[microbisexuality]

Bisexuality - anyone who likes more then one gender, which includes men, women and almost always those across the whole gender spectrum.

Pan bisexual - micro label for bisexuality were one does not regard gender or sex in their attraction,can be considered gender blind or lacking a preference for gender- Label does not need to be used to describe ones bisexuality as such though.

(Same thing as pansexual but is reshaped to unite multi sexualities under one ally ship, the bisexual manifesto and representation of bisexuality)

Omni bisexual - a micro label for bisexuality were one is attracted to every gender, but has preferences for said genders, and is not gender blind like pan - Label does not need to be used to describe ones bisexuality as such though

(Same thing as omnisexual, but is reshaped to unite multi sexualities under one ally ship, the bisexual manifesto and representation of bisexuality)

Poly bisexual - a micro label for bisexuality were one feels the need to elaborate on specific genders they are attracted to, they do not feel attracted to every gender, but always feel attracted to more then two - Label does not need to be used to describe ones bisexuality as such though

(Same thing as polysexual, but is reshaped to unite multi sexualities under one ally ship, the bisexual manifesto, and representation of bisexuality)

Abro bisexual - a micro label of bisexuality were one has a very prominent fluctuation to their attraction to multiple genders, may feel attracted to only one gender at a given time, all, only a few, or even none. - Label does not need to be used to describe ones bisexuality as such though

(Same thing as abrosexual, but is reshaped to unite multi sexualities under one ally ship, the bisexual manifesto and representation of bisexuality)

What is a micro label?

A micro label can be described as a very specific description of ones attraction (or gender) it lacks fluidity in its description and is mostly used by nurodivergent people to help them identify their feelings and preferences on a surface level.

Why should we switch from separating mspec labels from bisexuality itself - the history of bisexuality has always included every gender inside and outside of the binary, it was even described at some point as the attraction to people regardless of gender. Bisexuals have always been able to date every gender, with or without preferences, (just like omnisexual and pansexual) and almost all bisexuals have a cycle of attraction that varies in intensity much like what is described in (abrosexuality). Not only does combining the use of modern terms with bisexuality itself, open up all mspec labels to representation 👏 but also helps redefine bisexuality to its original meaning, which has been shaved down to only being able to be attracted to the binary. Anyone who is attracted to multiple genders can now rally behind each other under one word.

This would also satisfy (most) of BABs (battle axe bis) problems with mspec labels, which usually falls into the category of seemingly taking the fluidity and history of bisexuality by separating preferences into smaller completely separate sexualities.

Now for the flags - all bisexuals (micro label or not) can of course use the plain original flag which was created in the 90s, I have also created flags for the micro labels I've presented which takes the modern symbols and colors of the "old" sexualities, and show cases them as being a part of bisexuality, it's your choice to use whichever one.

Now - how would one introduce themselves as a certain micro label, if the specific description is what makes them more comfortable? The easiest option is to come out or present yourself as bisexual and if the option to further allaborate your sexuality arises, one can say they fall under pan bisexual, etc, and explain the importance of the description to their personal experience with bisexuality.

The idea is to satisfy both sides of the mspec debate revolving around bisexuality

- It may seem like it would be almost impossible, but the hope is that the names of pansexual, omnisexual, etc, all change to the names presented (pan bisexual, omni bisexual, etc)

[bisexualsdeservebetter]

As somebody who used to identify as pan, I feel like I may have been genuinely misinformed on some things— I was always told that bisexuality was the attraction to strictly male and female genders whereas pansexuality was the attraction to all genders, which is why I identified with pan in the first place. But I’m just now seeing all this discourse and there’s different answers everywhere— are pan and bi sexualities just the same thing? What am I missing here?

Thank you for asking!

Bisexuality is 100% trans and nonbinary inclusive, it always has been. I always recommend reading the Bisexual Manifesto from 1990, which asserts that bisexuality is love regardless of gender.

Pansexual and other mspec labels all contribute to people misunderstanding bisexuality, which is a problem.

Bisexual and pansexual do pretty much mean the same thing. Bisexual is loving any gender, there's no need for so many redundant and confusing labels and to be honest they do more harm than good. If you wanna learn more I'd be happy to answer more questions, I hope this was helpful!

[baldinggoat]

I wrote a really long post about playersexuality about a year ago mostly targeting other crpgs, but I updated it a bit and decided to throw it on this blog too. It’s a bit repetitive, and it isn’t perfect, but it’s important to me that I’ve been trying to parse my direct feelings towards the phenomenon for a long time and I wanted to write it out. 

It mostly came from this article/post, and then kind of grew from there. It isn’t a direct criticism of Baldur’s Gate 3 or how Larian studios is writing queer sexuality, but if the shoe fits...well...

First of this all comes from someone with a trans and bi perspective. So it’s all subjective obviously. None of this is about discrediting bisexual characters, but critically analyzing how games depict queer sexuality. I just want more people to understand how playersexuality does hurt gay people who want gay characters, and hurt bi people who want more tangible representation and not a “schrodinger's” bisexuality.

Bisexuality/pansexuality isn’t necessarily being attracted to someone regardless or despite gender. It’s being attracted to more then one gender. Gender does, in fact, matter In relationships. Its frustrating really. My relationship to gender means a lot to me. It’s shaped my whole life. When I want someone to love me, I want them to love me for me AND acknowledge my gender. It’s a part of who I am. I don’t want it to be ignored. I’ve never had the privilege to ignore my gender, and I’ve never had the privilege of other people ignoring it either, since I’m trans. It’s not my only quality, but it’s a big part of my personal story and growth. Whenever I want to date anyone, I always have to have a conversation with them about our sexualities and my gender.

When you make a game with a story about fictional characters, you usually want the audience to care about said characters. You want to make it possible for the audience to empathize with them in some way. But in the end, all they ever will be is the game developer’s IDEA of what a person is, never an actual person. How sexuality and gender are presented in the story is all but an idea of how the game developers want sexuality and gender to be presented to the audience.

The bottom line is this: game companies have incentive for making money first. Game devs rarely care about giving lgbtq people a character that has an experience that the audience can empathize with. The audience that includes cishet people, because when everyone empathizing with fictional lgbtq characters, that’s what gives us “representation”. Because that’s what that actually means. Representation is about speading stories about our experiences being lgbtq to help other lgbtq people know that they aren’t alone, and also that it’s not a bad thing to be lgbtq. Playersexual characters don’t acknowledge that experience in their narrative, they aren’t representation.

And I real human being doesn’t need to tell you their sexuality. An actual gay or bisexual person doesn’t need to disclose anything about their past to “prove” their gay or bisexual. That’s because it’s an invasion of privacy, and when someone does tell you these things its because they trust you. It’s why “coming out of the closet” is something that exists. We are NOT entitled to know these things, yet everyone is assumed straight because that’s what is expected, so telling someone these things is an act of trust. But when it comes to fictional characters, there’s never that invasion of privacy. There’s no need to respect their boundaries, because as an omniscient audience we’re able to see different, imaginary perspectives. A game developer can always give us a clear indication of a character’s sexuality, and they can even do it without the characters stating it (although they should because that helps normalize people talking about their sexuality). It never has to be obfuscated or ignored. If it is obfuscated in some way, it’s because it’s the game developers’ intention. They don’t want to make a character’s sexuality clear and therefore, don’t actually care about lgbtq people.

So you play a videogame. There’s a character who admits they have feelings for the player. This character never talks about the gender of your character when it comes to the relationship. The character also, interestingly enough, never talks about a history of relationships with the same gender or mentions their attraction to the same gender. Even if they do, it’s a one off comment, innuendo, and/or never a full admission, something small that can be missed and ignored without deeper thought. (Also using correct pronouns isn’t acknowledging you’re in a relationship with someone who’s the same gender btw, it’s just common fucking courtesy).

The only way you ever even know that the character even is willing to date the same gender is if your character is there, and willing to date them. If your player character didn’t exist, you would never know this character dates the same gender. It’s schrodinger's bisexuality! The npc’s sexuality is not there unless you, the player, make it a part of your story. It doesn’t belong to the character. I hope that makes sense, because in the end the player is doing all the work for the writers. I also find it extremely unrealistic that in these situations, the characters are in serious romantic/sexual relationships and never talk about their history with dating the same gender, even casually.

What truly makes me sad though is how fandom, especially other bi people, will claim playersexuality as legitimate bisexual representation. It’s truly depressing that videogame writers have been able to find this loophole, use it, and abuse it. It gives game companies, that absolutely do not care about actually representing lgbtq people in their stories, credit where no credit is due. Of course I’m not trying to go after bi fans, and they aren’t wrong to claim these characters are bisexual, because that’s the whole point of calling it schrodinger's bisexuality. I personally don’t think infighting with other fans about whether a character is actually bisexual or not will get anyone anything except a migraine. What I do think, is people should be more critical about how videogame companies are presenting sexuality in their stories, and focus on criticizing that.

Edit: On a personal note, I also hate fandom using playersexuality to try to say the character’s sexuality is up for “interpretation” so they “headcanon” said character as straight or gay. That’s just biphobic. But, when trans/bi/gay people are talking about playersexuality, it’s usually from a more constructive outlook, where we just want the game studios to be held more accountable for erasure. This is also why I prefer the term “schrodinger's bisexuality”. Bisexual when you want them to be, not bisexual when you don’t want them to be.

I know people want the comfort, the ease, and the simplicity that playersexuality brings. I know it’s been used in games for years, and at one time it was the only queer content and representation games had. But times are changing, and game companies need to change. We need actual Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Trans characters, not a schrodinger's bisexuality. If you allow anyone and everyone to be able to romance any character regardless of gender, then you don’t have to worry about straight players being mad a character they want to romance is gay, or lgbt players being upset a character is straight.

Continuing to use playersexuality isn’t an “everyone’s happy” solution to people asking for more gay/bi characters in videogames. It’s obvious this has everything to do with money, since it’s making games viable for a wider audience and not actually giving queer people representation. It’s also painfully obvious when you have so much undeniable m/f that is central to the story.

I know game studios aren't a monolith. I know developing a game is usually convoluted and rarely linear. I also know it’s a company, and there are “layers” of writing, and things tend to go through a grind before they get green-lite. I know there’s never a singular person making decisions how character’s sexuality are depicted, and theres always more going on behind doors we may never know. Maybe game studios using playersexuality are trying to depict more lgbtq representation and some “big man” up top wont let them. But I highly doubt it, and think it has to do with marketability, because this is a product that is on the market.

TL; DR: I’m an annoying transgenderer who’s entitled and believes videogames should cater to me. Making companions/npcs playersexual, especially all of them, is a horrible, lazy, homophobic, and biphobic writing decision. Game companies don’t care about lgbtq people. Support lgbtq people, help donate to lgbtq content creators when you can, and help lgbtq people in fandom feel safe.

Aka Donate to my ko-fi lol

[aspectedstar]

[Info updated as of Patch 5.55]

Name: Listelle Viyrel

Unsundered Name: Ephine

Gender: Female

Age: 21 in ARR, 26 in EW

Race: Raen Au Ra

Relationship: Official with an untempered Elidibus, but still lowkey that not a lot of people know of their status.

Family: Biological family is unknown. Her adoptive Miqo'te parents she keeps in contact with. The Scions of the Seventh Dawn and Elidibus are her main sources of 'support' these days.

Orientation: Bisexual / Demisexual

Nameday: 16th Sun of the 4th Umbral Moon [August 16th]

Abilities/Talents: Archery, Botany, Cooking, Able to speak multiple languages [thanks Echo], Healing, Reading.

Job: Former conjurer turned White Mage; Archer/Bard; Adventurer; A Scion of the Seventh Dawn; Botanist whenever help is needed.

Appearance description: A pale-skinned Raen Au Ra that stands at 4 fulms and 9 ilms. Listelle has dark blue, shoulder-length hair with bangs that naturally curls at the ends. Black highlights are added into the mix and always reapplied whenever they start to fade. Sometimes, puts up her hair in high side-ponytail that has a braid embedded around the back of her head. Has side bangs that hang from her face with this hairstyle as well. She has heterochromia eyes with her left being a pale blue, while her right is a bright purple. Listelle is slightly muscular, but also petite. Her body has vanilla scales peppering her body here and there. Mostly can be seen on her face; Her horns a slightly curled, but go backwards only a bit from her face. The tail she has a few spikes here and there, but it's thin. Mostly spiking at the end of it. Usually wearing a pair of reading glasses, because her eyesight isn't 100%.

Unique features (scars, tattoos, etc.): Multiple scars across her body from battles over the years. The biggest one was from the first meeting with Zenos, where he ended up nailing her in the abdomen badly. The scar is a jagged line in sideways line that covers a good portion of her middle to lower back. Listelle is very self-conscious about this particular one; Doesn't like wearing gear that shows off that part of her body.

Personal Beliefs (religious or otherwise): Fully believed in the Mothercrystal and the Twelve, but has changed since the events of SB into ShB. Mostly because of what Elidibus and Emet-Selch had told her. Still believes in a sense of one's wrongdoing will bite them in the ass later in life.

Residence: Medium house plot on the beach in Shirogane, Hingashi. Amaurot on the First.

Birthplace: Somewhere in the Black Shroud.

Dreams: When the world is done being saved, which is almost never; Wanting to have a peaceful life with Elidibus as much as possible; Hoping that one day more White Mages can be sanctioned by the Padaji; Maybe one day have children, but that's not as important.

Fears: Dying when the world needs her the most; Seeing close friends and family die in front of her again and again; Injured to the point she can't fulfill her duties as Warrior of Light; Losing any of her senses.

Introverted / Extroverted / Ambiverted (bold what applies)

How do they handle stress?: When in front of people, she tries her best not to show she's bothered. There are ways for others to know she's about to hit her limit. Listelle is known to pace around a room, fidget with her hands, and get teary-eyed, but the latter is hard to see. Only ways she can combat it is behind closed doors, or out in the wilderness when no one is around. Going out into nature to find plants or hit trees with her axe is one way. Another way is to basically beat her frustrations out in cooking or baking foodstuffs. Resting under trees when only one can hear naturalistic sounds.

What’s the state of their living quarters? (messy, clean, etc.): That depends. Usually, it's a disorganized mess. Much to Elidibus's dismay, she can usually find things easier than him. If he ever tried to clean her home, she'd yell at him on not being able to find anything. It's not completely trashed, but enough to know someone lives here. As the Warrior of Light, she doesn't get enough time to do homely chores. So, it's mostly left go for weeks at a time.

How do they handle meeting new people?: Listelle usually is kind and friendly to people she meets. Though, it depends overall on the new person (or group)'s attitude, body language, voice tone, and facial expressions. If they come off rude and negative, she is more reluctant to be as nice back. However, since she is not the diplomatic person, she usually leaves all the table-talking to her fellow Scions. Will chime in with a few words, if asked. It all depends on the situation and people involved.

When facing certain doom, what’s their outlook?: It's...questionable. Try to keep a stoic facade, but inside she would be screaming. Or, she'd probably look at like this: Why not going out with a huge bang of glory, and take her foe(s) with her? As a healer, she understands death, but is afraid to die at the wrong time. Regardless, she will tackle it the best she can.

What do they do to relax?: Reading any books she has in her shelves. Have Elidibus tell her stories of the world before it was Sundered. Cooking and baking when she has the time. Gardening, when she has time, yet again. Sitting under trees listening to nature. Go to the beach when no one is around. Stargazing with Elidibus at night.

What’s their favorite outfit?: Her 'civilian' clothes with the Azem constellation crystal as a necklace pictured blow.

Traumas: It's been several over the last few years of becoming the Warrior of Light. From being a healer, she has had a hard time accepting she can't save everyone. The loss of Haurchefant hit her physically hard. He saw Listelle as herself, not just the 'hero' or a weapon to be used by the city-states. Still goes to visit his grave in Coerthas when she can. Seeing the turmoil Garlemald had done to Ala Mhigo and Doma's regions. Zenos yae Galvus, because he reminds her of herself at certain times. How they can relate, as much as the Raen wishes not to admit it. The entire events of Shadowbringers with fighting for another world to holding in the light corruption. Her aether is still a mess, even after Ardbert had joined his soul with hers. Ending Emet-Selch's life, even when she understood his plight and ideals. Having to fight and kill Elidibus; The ONE PERSON that understood and had true affection for her. Yet, he was tempered by Zodiark, so they were forced into battle. It still haunts her to this day that she may lose Elidibus forever.

About them as of current story patch: As of Patch 5.5, Listelle is struggling on what to make of seeing that being surrounded in light. Being told the Final Days is coming--which is no doubt with Fandaniel and Zenos--and the entire world is on her shoulders. This is stressing her out to no end, even with Elidibus trying to keep her calm. He is her main anchor to keep her grounded currently. With the possibility of going to Sharlayan, she is not happy. Possibly having to keep the untempered Ascian unseen, depending. For now, she is stressed and pacing about what to do.

History: Listelle was found outside the doors of a Miqo'te couple living in the Black Shroud. Only a single note saying: "I cannot care for her; I'm possibly dead by the time you read this. Her name is Listelle; Please raise her well". The baby was an Au Ra Raen female, but they had no idea if there was such a family nearby. Living mostly in an isolated area, they didn't get many visitors. Just some adventurers, botanists, conjurers, or miners that came through the area. Despite this, they willingly took the baby in. They had issues trying to concieve their own child, so Listelle would fill the void. The void of trying to have a child, which they had now.

The Raen would come to know her parents as Sizha Vebei, her mother, and Rehzih'li Vebei, her father. They lived in a small cabin in the Southern part of the Shroud. Away from settlements like Camp Tranquil and Quarrymill, they kept to themselves for the most part. They raised their adoptive child as good as any adoptive parents could. With the times that Rehzih'li would go to Gridania for work and supplies, he would ask around about Listelle's family. He usually came up empty handed as per usual. This went on for years, until the Seventh Umbral Calamity hit Eorzea.

Listelle was 16 summers old when Bahamut broke free of Dalamud to reign terror from the heavens. The Black Shroud went up in flames in several areas. Thankfully, herself and her parents survived, but lost their home to the flames. The family was devastated, but then they decided to move on to a battered up Gridania as other refugees. They would have to make a new life within the city-state.

To the five years leading up to ARR, Listelle practiced conjury within the Stillglade Fane. Her parents had taken up other odd jobs to support themselves and their daughter, so Listelle had decided to do the same. With people becoming adventurers, the Raen decided to do the same. With her aetherpool higher than most, she fit right in with the Conjurers' Guild. Even with weird looks, the Au Ra flourished under their guidance and care. She would learn how to properly harness healing magics, as well as learn to borrow from the very Elementals of the Twelveswood.

Eventually, Listelle would become more involved with restoration efforts to help Gridania. Only her efforts would soon become widespread. Widespread enough for a certain organization to recruit her to their cause..

Feelings towards others: (add or remove as relevant)

- Elidibus – Her official partner, who she had a rocky relationship for years. However, it changed much after his defeat by her hand on top of the Crystal Tower in the First. She loves the Ascian dearly and would do anything for him. He had been there as well for her during some stressful times, despite him being under Zodiark's influence. They confide in each other constantly, and is a major support pillar for Listelle.

- Emet-Selch [Hades] – Despite their brief interactions, Listelle came to understand more about the Ascians. Even if it was a hard pill to swallow, the brief details Elidibus mentioned to her started to make sense. Like pieces to the puzzle was finally coming together. She would indulge and ask him a lot of the Ascians' history, the Old World, and the like. As much as her comrades didn't like their Warrior of Light conversating with their worst enemy, she ignored them...sometimes. She was upset to end his life when they couldn't come to some sort of understanding. She still has sobbing fits over Hades' demises, because of the fact of the Azem constellation crystal she has. It was even hinted that he knew of something going on between her and the Emissary at the time. Listelle always denied it, but there was a twinkle in those golden eyes that he knew of something.

- Feo Ul - As much as Listelle appreciates them, she can't deal with their sudden mood swings. The Fae being the Fae, she can't understand the times she gets yelled at for not summoning them. Being called cruel and heartless by Feo Ul made her uneasy around the pixie. Just over the course of the Shadowbringers, she saw the good in the King of Faeries. They became the next Titania, yet, they still treated Listelle as their most precious mortal. After all, they WERE connected by a pact! Feo Ul was another pillar during her struggle to contain the light corruption within her. The constant affection and support helped keep the heroine to move forward.

- Alphinaud – Meeting him the first time made her want to rethink her choices. However, with his constant presence helping her with 'official talks', she has been grateful for him. He has come a long way and has grown. Listelle hates meetings, and groans anytime Alphinaud tells her she has to go. Because she is the hero, she has to go, despite her wild protests.

- Alisaie – It took a bit for them to grow on one another. Alisaie understands when Listelle has her moments. Moments she wants to hide, but also treats the Raen like an actual person. Not just the hero, not just the Warrior of Light. Listelle finds herself getting teased when Alisaie fawns over her, depending if she's down or upset about something. Mostly by Y'shtola though.

- Y'shtola – Their relationship is...weird at best. Y'shtola and herself have their moments when they get into arguments. However, she knows the Miqo'te woman wants the best for her. During the events of Shadowbringers, she was worried over Listelle's state of taking in the Lightwardens' corrupted aether. Y'shtola and Ryne were there for her as they journeyed to Emet-Selch's domain. Full of Light, the heroine had a hard time doing basic tasks at times. Due to this, Listelle appreciates her. Just doesn't like when she teases her about Alisaie and G'raha's constant admiration of her.

- Thancred – Saw him as a flirtatious man who she didn't want to deal with at all. He even made comments about her 'beauty' on several occasions to get under her skin. However, as the years went by, she began to learn he was a lot more. Mostly learned this during her time on the First with the others and Ryne. Just the interactions between him and Ryne made her heart ache for them both. Including when they had to go back to the Source.

- Urianger – This Elezen made her want to rip her hair out most of the time. Just the way he spoke, his mannerisms made her so confused. Had to get the other Scions to repeat what he said to her many, many times. Still not fond of his secrecy behind her back on the few times. However, she does understand it's a necessary evil, yet she hasn't completely forgiven him yet. Though, she does appreciate any vital information he can provide her.

- Tataru - Oh sweet Tataru...Listelle loves the receptionist to death. Another person who treats her like she's a normal person. However, how she manages to get things done makes Listelle double think herself. Like the time the Lalafell wanted her precise measurements to get her outfits made. Just the way Tataru brings up results is quite...scary. The heroine watches herself whenever she's around the Lalafell woman.

- Minfilia - The first person to understand she had the power of the Echo. All those years of not understanding random visions she had when she was a child. She learned more from Minfilia over the course of the years. Only to be upset when she disappeared, then find out she was connected to Hydaelyn. She looked up the Hyur and she still misses her from time to time.

- Papalymo - The duo of 'Yda' and Papalymo made her giggle at times. There were times she didn't quite understand the relationship between the two. She got along with the Lalafell fine. That is, until he sacrificed himself to contain the newly born primal at Baelsar's Wall. She wanted to stay behind and help him, but alas, was forced to flee with the others. She still thinks about him from time to time, hoping he's watching over them from afar.

- Lyse - Wasn't sure how to feel about her until after the whole incident at Baelsar's Wall. She had come to understand Lyse as someone who wanted to fight for her homeland. As they journeyed over Gyr Abania and Othard, she had come to see the woman in a new light. With how she handles matters in Ala Mhigo with Raubhan at her side, she hopes the city-state flourishes under their care.

- Gaius – Rivalry since taking on the Ultima Weapon. However, with tackling the Weapon Project, she put aside her dislike for him. In order to stop these machines of death, she would work alongside him. Listelle began to see him in a new light as the Weapons consumed most of the orphans he saved back then. With only Allie left and the Weapons done with, she hopes Gaius can find some sort of peace.

- Nero – Despite him working at the Garlond Ironworks now, she still finds him quite annoying. Though, she has to admit he has helped her on several occasions when Cid couldn't. So, she'd tolerate the man at best.

- Cid – Thankfully to the Garlean many times over. With his few interventions to save her from certain doom, to helping her take down Omega. The accomplishments and shit they've seen and done is enough for a novel or two....or several. She gets along with him fairly well.

- Haurchefant – The Elezen man from House Fortemps and Camp Dragonhead. It was no wonder the silver-haired male admired her from the start. Even wanting to rush in to stop her from taking on Shiva. Never do anything reckless again! He had said to her, which she had meekly agreed to. When fleeing from the bloody Ul'dah banquet, he was a pillar of strength during that time. With most of the Scions gone, she blamed herself for their loss. Alas, Haurchefant wouldn't have none of it. Always cheering her up with hot chocolate and word of encouragement. However, when he died in her arms saving her from a pillar of light...Listelle was devastated. She was depressed for a long time, and still is when she thinks about it. Still blames herself for his death, even if he wanted her to smile. "A smile better suits a hero"; A statement she won't forget easily.

- Aymeric – The first meeting with him..she wasn't impressed. She had heard Ishgardians were uptight and unwelcoming. As much as he sounded polite, she didn't trust him off the bat. However, as time went on, she began to realize he was much more than. Even inviting her to a dinner after Nidhogg's defeat, which she enjoyed. Just his question about what she wanted for herself? She knew not the answer to that at the time. Regardless, the Raen goes to visit him when she can.

- Estinien – This dragoon is so stiff was Listelle's first thought. She didn't exactly like him off the bat. However, the journey across Dravania opened him up to her. She did try her best to understand him, but it was hard. As the years went by, she had come to know he had paid respects to Yysale, which she appreciates. Even the time when she collapsed in the Ghimlyt Dark, trying to persuade Zenos/Elidibus to stop this madness. Estinien had rescued her, which opened her up to that he was more good than she thought. Now with him joining the Scions, more opportunities to know him better have opened.

- G’raha – Annoying scholar to deal with when looking for the damn aethersand. Made it a game, then she promptly yelled at him for making her run around more than she had to. Investigating the Crystal Tower together, she did appreciate his work. When he locked himself away in the tower, she was a bit sad to see him go. Listelle did understand why he had to do it though. During the events of Shadowbringers, she had her suspicions on who the Crystal Exarch was. She couldn't completely confirm who it was, until she was being consumed by Light Corruption. Despite all this, she scolded him greatly after winning the fight against Emet-Selch. She knew he had a deep admiration for her, but only saw him as a friend. Regardless, their friendship is still healthy and blossoming.

- Other Warrior of Lights - Appreciates their hard work and resilience to keep the fight going. No matter what, as long as there is a light, they can still prevail.

[Character sheet made by @lizzy-dotharl. Template taken from @earthlystar.]

[hellflame-for-a-reason]

Private tutoring

Lesson one: The safety check

"I'm sorry if I've done anything wrong ma'am, I hope everything's alright." Tenya Iida carefully approached the desk.

The r-rated pro hero Midnight was sitting in the chair behind the desk, looking at him. "You're not in trouble sweetie, just sit down, rest those pretty little legs of yours."

Tenya was used to people commenting on his legs so he didn't pay any mind to it, taking a seat behind one of the student desks. "What did you want to speak with me about then Ms Kayama?"

"Ugh," she shuddered, "don't be so formal Tenya! You've known me since you were little, what happened to calling me 'miss nemu'?"

"You're a teacher, I'm merely showing my respect."

"Ok well this conversation isn't part of my job so you don't have to respect me; it's either Midnight or Miss Nemu out of school hours, alright Tenya?"

"Yes ma'am," Tenya sighed, bowing his head in respect, "so what is the topic of this conver then? If not school?"

Midnight smirked at that, leaning back and putting her feet up on the desk. Tenya suddenly felt an urge to lecture her but bit it back, knowing that she might not want to be treated like a teacher, he should still show her some respect. "That boy in your class; the green haired one, you like him don't you?"

Oh no, Tenya could feel his face heating up, and clearly it had turned a certain colour too if Midnight's reaction had anything to do with it. She laughed and whooped, "I knew it! Ha! You act the exact same way Tensei does when he's got a crush."

"I…" he stood, the light glinting off his glasses and hiding his eyes, "I have to object! This line of questioning is extremely inappropriate, I must ask you to stop."

"Calm down Tenya, sit down." She sighed, waving a hand dismissively, "I'm not going to say anything about your personal choices, and I won't say anything judgemental about your taste in men out loud. I just want to give you some advice in approaching him, alright?"

A sigh, "alright Midnight, what should I do?' Tenya didn't think he could argue with her much more than he already had, so he just sat down and shut up. Maybe her advice would be helpful, although considering her status, he doubted it.

"Well the first thing you need to figure out is how much do you like him? Are you thinking long term or just a fling?"

Tenya hadn't actually considered that, he knew that he had a rather large crush but he had never really allowed himself to fantasize too much. "I'm not sure ma'am, I never really thought about it."

Midnight sighed at that for a second time, "well I can work with that I suppose, it might be a little more difficult but not to worry, you're speaking to an expert." She picked up some chalk and began to write on the board, "phase one," she spoke as she wrote it down, "finding out if he likes guys and making him think about you more often."

Oh, so they were treating this like an extra subject? Ok then, Tenya could handle this. He took out a notebook, always good for studying, and found an empty page, copying down what Midnight had written. She continued to speak and he took notes in bullet points, "taking notes? Okay great. Now I don't know much about how to tell if someone's gay but personally I think your best course of action is to start the conversation in a group, I don't mean you have to come out. Like… maybe ask a group of people in the common area if they think anyone in the class is gay?"

"But Midnight?" Tenya had spotted an issue with that plan almost instantly, "what if he's in the closet? He might not want to say anything."

"Hm, you have a point there, I suppose you could go the celebrity crush route; get him alone or around people he trusts in a casual conversation and bring up the idea of celebrity crushes, asking him about his. It's probably best to say something yourself at that point, to at least make him aware of your persuasion."

Tenya nodded, that sounded like a really good idea. Obviously he was a little nervous about trying it out but Midnight was an expert so he definitely wasn't going to challenge her authority. He quickly made his notes, wondering if it would seem out of character for him to ask about that kind of thing. "How would I make him think about me then?"

"Show him that you think about him. Send him pictures of animals or flowers or clouds that remind you of him, if you see something in a shop that makes you think of him, buy it for him. Just anything you can do to ensure that his first instinct when he thinks of you is fondness."

He very quickly noted that down, very grateful for her advice, "that makes sense, thank you ma'am. Is there anything else I need to know?"

"I don't think so, no, you may go back to your dorms now. Good luck Tenya." Midnight smiled at him and opened the door for him to leave, she watched as he gathered his things to leave and hummed in thought, "how is your brother by the way? I haven't spoken to Tensei since before his...ah, *early retirement.*"

Tenya froze at that last part, sighing and adjusting his glasses, "Tensei is well, his recovery went well. Thank you for your concern."

"Does he still have the same number?"

"Yes, I believe so."

"Great!" She clapped her hands together, "you have fun, good luck. I'm going to go try out some of my own advice." Midnight chuckled as she pushed him out the door, one hand already reaching for the phone on her desk.

"Thank you ma'am," he sighed, leaning against the door after she'd shut it, he sighed. Great, Midnight was off to hit on his brother whilst Tenya was tasked with doing the same to Midoriya, and heaven knows she's got a lot more experience and skills than him. He's definitely going to need all the luck he can get.

After school finished, Tenya slowly made his way back to the dorms. He sat himself down on the sofa after grabbing a glass of orange juice, allowing himself to relax. Midoriya sat next to him, with Todoroki on the other side of him, "how are you doing Iida? You've been a bit on edge since lunch."

"Ah? Oh yeah, yeah I'm fine… don't worry about it, Midoriya, I'm fine." He sighs, offering a gentle smile, "just thinking about my studies, didn't realise I was behaving strangely." In truth, Tenya was simply nervous about this first step, he didn't know if this would work, but he was definitely risking his own safety to do this. He just hoped it would work, and that if it did work, that it worked in his favour. Sadly he just sat there in silence for an hour, going over the pros and cons of bringing this up. One on hand people would automatically assume he was a homosexual, and correctly so, but that could be dangerous, but on the other hand it might not be. Even if Midoriya was of that persuasion, there was no guarantee he'd say anything, or that he'd like Tenya.

The fear was almost enough to prevent him from saying anything, but he didn't want to disappoint Midnight, so he had to. He glanced over the scene before him; Bakugo and Midoriya were bickering over some stupid thing, probably about All Might, Uraraka and Todoroki were playing noughts and crosses whilst Ashido did Tsu's nails on the floor, Kaminari's nails were currently drying and Kaminari was next in line. It was a lovely scene, not often did their friend groups merge like this and Tenya was almost scared to disturb it. He cleared his throat regardless and didn't meet any of their eyes, "I can't help but to wonder," he paused for a moment, realising that what he was about to say would come out of left field for them, so maybe he should have tried to soften the blow, "do you think anyone in our class is of a different persuasion?"

"Eh?"

"He means gay Bakubro," Kirishima spoke up, leaning back against the beanbag, "I mean, I think I am, yeah I'm probably gay." He shrugged, clearly not believing this to be that big of a deal.

"Why the hell didn't you just say gay then? Stupid fuckin' shitty glasses," Bakugo huffs, crossing his arms and glaring up at Tenya, "well I'm not telling you anything, it's none of your business."

Mina huffed at that, "oh don't be such a dick," she proceeded to smile up at Tenya sweetly, "I'm bi!"

"Same!" Came a chorus from Uraraka, Kaminari and, most importantly: Midoriya. Tenya knew was bi meant, it meant bisexual, a persuasion in which one is attracted to more then one gender. This was a good thing, it meant that he did have a chance with Midoriya, but it didn't necessarily mean he was his type, so obviously more research would be needed.

"I'm a lesbian! Ribbit." Tsu spoke up, smiling and licking her lips before continuing to watch Mina paint her nails a lovely shade of green, with a different pattern on her thumbs.

Todoroki peered over, staring at Tenya with the kind of inquisitive look that almost scared him, "and I'm a homosexual, what about you, Iida? What's your persuasion?"

"For fucks sake! Just say sexuality! God damn, do all rich people talk like this?!" Bakugo didn't seem to enjoy this discussion, and Tenya couldn't blame him; although he was the one who had brought it up, he was beginning to feel slightly uncomfortable. It seemed Midnight had been wrong, this plan would push him into telling his friends his sexuality, but he couldn't feel hurt by that, as that was what he had asked them.

"Mine?" He queried, pushing back having to answer for another second, unsure how to word it, "oh, yes of course… my persuasion…" oh he really didn't want to answer this question, so he continued to stall.

"Yeah, if you asked us that question you gotta answer it too," Kirishima spoke up, still very casual, Mina on the other hand, looked more empathic, smiling softly.

"Iida… do you-"

"I," he interrupted her, not on purpose but he just wasn't registering that she had spoken, "I personally happen to be an, uh… homosexual?" One hand went to the side of his neck whilst the other adjusted his glasses, still not meeting any of their eyes. He wasn't sure how speaking this truth made him feel, he was more then scared of their reactions, despite knowing they were the same.

"Ooohh!" Uraraka piped up, "is that why you started this conversation? Because you wanted to tell us?" She looked so pleased, even proud of him and Tenya felt a little guilty about his less then pure motives for doing such. Although the more he actually thought about it, the more it shook him to his core that he did indeed just officially come out to his classmates.

Oh god.

"I… I suppose so…" he looked at her, head lowered slightly, "I hope you aren't too mad?"

"Why would we be mad, Iida? It's perfectly fine, I think it was quite clever of you to test the waters first." She reached over both Todoroki and Midoriya to pat him gently on the shoulder, he smiled at her in response, glad that everything was fine.

Midoriya beamed at him, "I hope you're proud of yourself, Iida, cause that must have been hard to say."

"It, it was," he nodded, smiling in return. Tenya felt the butterflies that everyone spoke about and he felt fuzzy all over, Midoriya had such an adorable smile and it was almost fatal. This boy would be the death of him.