#bitch i think about it and i boogie... i feel full of love for the world and so happy to be a human..... how did they do it

[candyredmusings]

Drag Race Quotes That I Think About Constantly

Random assortment of things said in RPDR 

“Whores get paid ... I was a slut.”

“Your tone seems very pointed right now.”

“Oh y’all wanted a twist, eh? Let’s get SICKENING!”

“I WAS HIT BY A FUCKING CAR!”

“Tiny tops ... They crack me up! It’s like watching a four year old try to push a couch on their own.”

“IT DOESN’T GET BETTER. IT GETS WORSE.”

“You don’t have any talent.”

“You should not be here.”

“Let me ask you a very fair question. What do you do successfully?”

“Girl you’re a JOKE.”

“And I’m about to punch somebody in the face.”

“There’s ALWAYS time for a cocktail!”

“IT WAS RIGOR MORRIS GIRL!”

“LOOK OVER THERE!”

“I don’t have a sugar daddy. I never had a sugar daddy. If I wanted a sugar daddy, yes, I could go out and get one because I am WHAT? SICKENING! You could NEVER have a sugar daddy because you are not that kind of girl -- Baby everything I’ve had I’ve worked for and gotten myself I built myself from the ground up BITCH--”

“I don’t have a sugar daddy.”

“Baby everything I’ve had I’ve worked for and gotten myself I built myself from the ground up BITCH!”

“About five minutes ago, I looked over at [NAME] and realized they were ugly. And I’m at peace with that.”

“I didn’t mind I was just happy for the air time.”

“AAH! HAAA! I’m acting.”

“What the fuck is going on here on this day?”

“Jesus christ, white people scare me.”

“WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING BITCH?”

“That’s a question.”

“I’m serving you an adequate dress made of materials that is on my body.”

“We all make choices ... But that was a choice.”

“Her catchphrase is ‘you’re not my real dad and you never will be.’”

“If you hate it fake it make it into something less vile.”

“The planet’s dying - thoughts and prayers.”

“I’ve had it with you go the fuck home! I’ve had it, OFFICIALLY!”

“You wanted crazy? Well you got it now.”

“It was in all the magazines at the time.”

“JESUS CHRIST, the stress is just really getting to me.”

[NAME] YOU CAN FUCK ME IN THE ASS!”

“These are my summer diamonds ... Some are diamonds, some are not.”

“Not today, Satan. Not today.”

“I FEEL VERY ATTACKED!”

“Okay, public school, calm down.”

“[NAME]’s penis was so big, when I was doing a line of coke off of it I had to stop midway to catch my breath.”

“I feel sexy in anything, even a bodybag.”

“I tend to think that emotions are for ugly people.”

“You are so full of shit, the toilet’s jealous.”

“Act a fool girl. Act a fool.”

“She looks like Nancy Regan doing a magic show”

“Let me explain to you what a bitch is: Being In Total Control of Herself“

"You'll never be glamour."

“I'm pretty impressed... but not that impressed“

“Your outside is GORGEOUS, but your insides are dark and nasty. And I don’t like you.”

“Your outside is GORGEOUS, but your insides are dark and nasty.”

“You don’t love me.”

“HA! GET HER [NAME]!”

“SIT YOUR ASS DOWN AND SHUT THE HELL UP BITCH!”

“Did you or did you not come for me today?”

“I’ve had it. You know what I’ve had? It.”

“The level of unprofessionalism ... FAR too much.”

“Y’all told her on the internet it was funny. I blame y’all.”

“No you’re done and I’m gonna tell you why you’re done.”

“I don’t know what I think about that girl ...”

“What you wanna do isn’t exactly what you’re gonna do.”

“I’m a fucking legend! Bring me a Dr. Pepper and another lover, shit!”

“I love the way you think, but that didn’t make any god damn sense.”

“Quite the scandal actually. With my cousin-in-law, really. It was in all the magazines at the time.”

“She bonked so many boys down at the boogie down bronx they named a free clinic after her.”

“You know, I’m still a petty bitch, so from that day forward I said I would never utter the name, [NAME], again.”

“I may be old, baby, but I’m WISE.”

“She’s everything I wanna be when I’m 57.”

“I would CLIMB HIM LIKE A TREE -- I would need a ladder.”

[iwonderwh0]

Watching John Wick for the first time and commenting in real time because I'm watching alone.

Spoiler: I HATED it. Below I just bitch about how much it sucks.

Oh, Green Goblin!

What a cute dog, I hope nothing bad will happen to her (unfortunately I know it will)

Is it even safe for dogs to eat cereal with milk?

(speaking Russian) <- man those people speak with such a horrendous accent I wouldn't even recognise this language if it wasn't for subtitles.

Stop speaking "russian" it's so bad! It's not even just accent, it's grammatically so terrible it doesn't make any sense 😭

It always buggs me when some multi-million budget movie inserts some characters that speak languages other than english and do such a shit job at making it actually be the language they're trying to use. Like come on, is it so hard to find one person who speaks the language you want to use to ensure that it actually sounds accurate? I wonder if it is as bad with movies where side characters speak Chinese/Japanese or is it just European/Slavic languages that get this treatment.

Man, this is painfully bad. I mean, if a character speaking foreign language has this amount of active presence on screen why would you as a producer/director allow it to be this bad, it sounds like simlish. It's goofy.

I can't watch it seriously hearing them speaking.

I too get an urge to kill while cleaning up the floor.

Those subtitles are wrong, it's not what he said. He made some incomprehensible nonsense of noises.

I feel like I'm having a stroke hearing them.

I love multilingual movies, but this is not it. If it's so hard to find someone speaking Russian, make them speak some other language that you can actually show accurately.

Of course they drink vodka what else.

Fuck off, this is lazy.

"Baba Yaga" my ass, do you even know what it means? It's a folklore creature of what essentially is an old woman. Not just a boogie man. It's kind of a weird nickname to have as a man.

Fuck, even when they speak actual words they make inaccurate subtitles. THAT'S NOT WHAT HE SAID. This song isn't even about "Baba Yaga" you fools

This is what happens when people go for vibes of foreign countries instead of actually doing any kind of research.

I can't watch any kind of media in peace, dbh brain rot will find me anywhere.

Maybe it's because I'm now holding a prejudice, but even outside of this absolutely terrible job at making character portray Russian, this looks like a parody of a blockbuster rather than a blockbuster in itself

They're singing a fucking lullaby in a pool party 😭😭😭 just normal russian-villain behaviour

I'm sorry I just didn't expect it to suck this bad

Okay, that action sequence isn't that bad.

Maybe this movie would be better if they would just fight without ever attempting to talk out loud. Just grunting and moaning.

I'm not a medic but I suspect it's just as infuriating for them to watch this movie as it is for someone who understands Russian or at the really least knows what it sounds like.

You're telling me, a sniper with a fixed target missed? I'm starting to suspect that maybe it's not that John Wick is invincible but just the people who are after him are all incompetent morons.

"You were always a pussy" <- that was so unnecessary and goofy.

How the hell is this movie rated as high as it is, it's "The Room" of action movies, I swear. So bad to the point of almost going a full circle and becoming good.

Even as an action movie it's not that good either.

Other than Keanu Reeves there are literally no interesting nor likeable characters on screen. Everyone else are unremarkable and bland. Except for Marcus.

Maybe I'm missing something. Maybe I should be looking at it like a comedy, a parody. Because it really isn't good in itself.

THIS REALLY IS A COMEDY, isn't it?

I mean a dude literally got a headshot with a "wasted" gta sound effect.

Well, it was bad. It's a meme, but it's not really a good movie. Or I just don't think it is.

Surprisingly, "comedy" isn't listed among genres.

A BLADE RUNNER REFERENCE WHAT

[quarantinescarpet]

My quotes list from over the years

FRESHMAN

-“‘tis I the frenchiest fry.”

-“Someone’s stabbing me in the leg with a spork.”

-“I A DEMOCRAT OOPS”

-Spill the pony tea.

-How many geese would it take to bring down a full grown man?

-Point is, I love you both and I would 10/10 ride a motorbike

-“Apparently someone in Mr. Hopkins G block got scared of turkey noises.”

-“It’s like... it’s like a stupid game of Russian roulette Tetris with giant death machines”

-“I feel like you'd have a shrine to remember Spider-man, complete with candles and every single ‘mr stark I don't feel so good’ meme printed out.”

-“don’t ask me, I don’t know anything about the sex”

-“I WILL RIP YOUR DICK OFF”

-“What’s the difference between gay silence and regular silence?”

-“what yields a focus pencil? A patience tree?”

-“I might boogie on the desk so hard that the gum keeping it together gets unchewed and yeets back into the dimension it belongs in”

-“You smell like my fencing teacher”

-“sponsor a sponsor! Become a child”

-“Woof woof bitch, im a furry.”

-“yo to the hoe”

-“does my emoji still smell?”

SOPHOMORE

-“peter doesn't have a detachable head”

-“two thirds of me is wearing glasses”

-“You look like you have autism. Are you vaccinated?”

-“When did Haydar become friends with Emily?” “In hell”

-“I know you have something to do with Filbert”

-“Ayo beans check”

-“Who cares about beating the game‽ I’m a goose.”

-“You can’t make contact lenses out of cranberries”

-“cannabalism is for beans”

-“You know the party is lit when the epileptic kid starts doing the worm”

-“Imagine getting stabbed to the beastie boys”

-“I CANT TORTILLA MY CHOCOLATE MILK”

-“Pure drip”

-“The All Mighty King Tuggle Wuggle the Original... The 5th”

-“It’s a drink.” “Coal?” “I’m sorry who the heck is drinking coal??” “It’s heroin.”

-“Is climate change good or bad?”

-“I’ve had to keep her from stealing my toes for so long”

-“Apples are delicious, babies are not.”

-“It’s like I’m exfoliating my knuckle”

-“We are literally just birds.”

-“I’m slowly transitioning to emo. Today I’m wearing navy blue, tomorrow it will be black.”

-“Omg Aimee why are you such a try hard” “Oh my god Ava why are you orange?”

-“Wait what the fuck does crashing a funeral have to do with driving?”

-“Why are blonde people driving???”

-“That house looks like stephen king” “its super thicc?”

-“If you don’t do your homework, they are legally allowed to steal your cells”

-“Why would digging up graves be a problem we have to cover during a spa day??”

-“I would commit neck rape”

-“he looked at me and I looked at him and I was like ‘genocide’”

-“like Klaus, from Klaus”

-“SANKADANKA”

-“facism is also gender neutral”

-“I mean we all knew that the birds just wanted the body to be gone!”

JUNIOR

-“you know what they say in chemistry”

-“I got it from bed bath and behind you”

-“A two line poem. I see a frog. My heart: 💕❤️💓💗💕”

-“who needs a straw when you can suck it out the hole?”

-“I wish I could get neutered”

-“eggs are so well named”

-“You’re not a fandon? We don’t standon.”

-“If you’re horny just walk it off”

-“potatoes and molasses, there is inequality between the classes!”

-“save the tiddies”

-“I think I could explain socialism” “okay do it” *doesnt do it*

-“what part of no interruptions does Trump not get?” “The english part”

-“my knees how they crackle like rice crispies”

-“the planet is dying you fucking walnut”

-“do you think I’d be able to avoid conversion therapy?” ”no you look dumb as shit have fun at camp.”

-“the US military uses 738 billion dollars per year, and we can’t dunk the moon into the pacific ocean? Where are our priorities? Disgusting.”

-“I hope he dies on my birthday”

-“the doctor’s sewing you up and you’re like ‘harder daddy’ and they just leave you to bleed out on the floor.”

-“I don’t know what your parents do for a living” “I’d have to kill you if you found out” “oh he’s a conversion therapist?”

-“Peaning, pregnancy, protection.”

-“Being railed and math are two totally different things”

-“Aren’t all white people just german strokes?“

-“the pickles are tasty tonight, don’t you think?”

-"Gay people have feelings too! I mean those feelings aren't valid, but they have them!"

-“Grapefruit is the Wild Kratts of roblox”

-“My lungs are rejecting christianity”

-“Lettuce cereal”

-“get zooted”

-“why are they doin that to my boi Eric Snowblower???” “... do you mean Elric Stormbringer??” “Yes OMG hi futon”

-“Milk towel (sent with gentle effect)“

-“nose haemorrhoids”

-“my favourite colour is bitches”

-“THE LESBIAN FISH WHATS HER NAME”

-“You’ll have time to pull moose daddy”

-“The more you beat it the bigger it gets”

-“Were you wa today??”

-“oh uh slaves are now horses”

-“tarnsgender is a lifestyle”

-“not me misgendering my dishwasher”

-“Kiss! Kiss Kiss!”

-“its a regular human but you can open it up and take a shit inside of it” “like a kangaroo”

-“kiss kill marry, good piss boy, eric snowblower, michael”

-“if you don’t wanna strike the set, strike yourself.”

-“did you listen to waterparks in middle school or have you had sex?”

-“he said his pullout game is strong and he’s only used a condom six times” “tell him he needs the practice”

-“its a didney movie”

-“I already have a dick so I’m good with the foot sucking, thanks!”

-“I don’t misgender you cause you changed your pronouns I just misgender you cause you have pronouns”

-“made a joke and nobody laughed”

-“You’re a socialist gray shut up”

-“dont straddle my dog shes a child!”

-“chloe, kim, kendall, kourtney,,, the genders”

-“which constellation looks most like a dick”

-“I’m being intimate with my pudding. Only my pudding loves me.” “Yeah but it feels a little violated”

-“vending machine, easy bake oven, and ramen are the four food groups?”

-“mom I found your tinder”

-“doesnt this baby look like it would grow up to be hitler?”

-“anti smack”

-“I said no farting”

-“I’m at the point in this trip where I want to make out a little with every dog I see.”

-“I’m worried about your mom right now” “I’m worried about the dogs”

-“I’m going to start streaming” “awesome I’ll watch you! I’ll download Tinder”

-“jesus is coming are you clenching?” “Did you mean swallowing???”

-“Today when I said I had an image to show you and you came to look at my phone I wasn’t on Instagram yet and I was worried you were going to see that my last google search was what is a craisin”

-“My username is deep_seated_fear_of_geese”

-“Savour the flavour, uncle”

-“potential energy this, kinetic energy that, when will anyone start paying attention to the most important energy. dumb bitch energy”

-“Happy easter i guess i don’t know why the heck jesus likes eggs so much” “Jesus has an egg obsession” “And he has a bunny fursona””

-“Cause I’m kinky for color coding”

-“I’m going to name my child Brad. With a silent gh. Braghd”

-“Headcanon that Prince Philip died because he saw unsolicited feet pics“

-“I kin prince philip”

-“theres three genders: kailer, gay tyler, and regular tyler”

-“I swear to god they spent half of their budget making those titans asses so scrumptious”

-“Everything is terrible, can’t magnum dong, repressing my emotions”

-“Master has given dobby plan b. Dobby no longer needs the hanger”

-“I want someone to be just as obsessed with me as my social worker is”

-“You wanted to end the conversation so you decided to be homophobic.”

-“It is commonly thought that there are two types of people in this world, communists and pessimists.”

-“Glass half full glass half empty everyone shares the glass”

-“I thought it was about to be something sexual about slushees and I was like: 😃?“

-“Piss on, I know how to have sex.”

-“Sarah we’re making milf jokes wake up”

-“Its like im having a panic attack but I cant stop making kink jokes”

-“good old fashioned jesus?” “I said gay sex”

-“the straggot and the slurs”

-“grandpa has had way too much time without his meds”

-“You’re gonna find ur special someone bro ❤️ or someone to raw you idk what you’re into”

-“Do you wanna represent conversion therapy?”

-“Don’t punch me! I’ll get a boner”

-“I’m known to frequent elementary schools at night”

-“ever since I found out there were ants in baked beans” “WHY ARE THEY THERE? JUST BAKE THE BEANS!”

-"aaron burr shot hamilton which is kinda kinky and im not into that" "i guess he forgot to give him his safe word then huh"

-“we can’t make these jokes tomorrow people will think we’re fucking crazy” “nah man people will just think we’re FUCKING”

-“this 14 year old just looked me straight in the eyes and said drill me daddy-o”

-“they piss on you when they’re comfortable with you. Thats how it works”

-“are penguins fish or mammals?”

-“car washes are traumatising”

-“it’s okay gray has a 22 year old sugar daddy”

-“I get vored easily and yeehaw”

-“You get really stinky when jade honks for bill”

-“Jade needs a shit sleeve when she honks for bill can we go dunky now”

-“not the llama,,, the liQuid”

-“I’m allergic to jesus”

-“if you cant see stuff in your head how come you can vacuum?”

-“dont be a whore drink instead”

-“pain is temporary, existence is temporary, we’re all temporary”

-“I did not know veggie tales was religious”

-“you’re a sussy baka yes sorry now can we watch the video”

-“I assumed everyone in tech is gray”

-“skyrim wasn’t bad I just wanted fussy”

-“im not gonna get a shrodinger kink”

-“those crocs are bitchin”

-“you seem so put together” “it’s just the shoes”

-“capitalism is my sugar daddy”

-“when aang is riding someone do you think he says yip yip

-“Capitalism breeds innovation? How bout you breed this bussy”

Senior

-“Ollie: Can Jewish people eat the Lorax?

Jillian: Yeah. He is canonically a Nazi you know

Ollie: …Are you implying that nazis are kosher?

Jillian: Yeah how do you think we won the war dumbass”

-“I wanna get manhandled”

-“chryssy is SO thicc. Thats why benson loves her.”

-“are we still meeting autism?”

-“so what im hearing is you stole my prostate??”

-"Benson doesnt have a liver? What about her alcoholism problems!”

-“do [squirrels] have beaks or are they flat?”

-“ I feel like I’d fall into a pond.”

-“I didn’t come”

-“Cis piss”

-“YOU GRABBED HIS JICK?”

-“Everytime I come out as ace people send me all their ace stuff” “omg thats what I do for my italian friends”

-“I wanna be someones thyroid problem”

-“Yeah you could go to bobby about your skin cancer”

-“I feel really pregnant right now”

-“stomachs love diluted slim jims”

-“benson is a milf”

-“aj just gave birth to me” “how?” “teamwork”

-“the universe is nothing but a collection of corpses”

-“tight shaggy”

-“the moonwalking bear will come back to haunt you”

-“You forgot your jizz in the shop”

-“Please be a monster fucker”

-“Wipe the milk moustache off your face because I can’t talk to you”

-“the moonwalking bear will come back to haunt you”

-“You forgot your jizz in the shop”

-“Please be a monster fucker”

-“Wipe the milk mustache off your face because I can’t talk to you”

-“Mr. Hands is my safe-word”

Freshman pt 2

-“nah this isn’t true love this is smash or pass man”

-“the more swords the more smash”

-“virgin??? Like VIRGINIA??”

-“He’s really going ham on him”

[karamatsunose]

do you think neil gaiman and terry pratchett know that they changed my fucking life forever

[juletheghoul]

Oblivius Chapter 5

I have so many feelings about these two, Spills & Francis may be two idiot babies but they're my idiot babies and I LOVE them. Lots of yearning in this chapter, and maybe a different side to Claudia.👀

Likes & reblogs are appreciated

Frankie Morales x F!Reader

Pairing: Frankie x F!Reader

Word Count: 3K

Warnings: Angst, yearning, 18+ language, mentions of alcohol / being drunk (Please let me know if I forget anything)

Masterlist Series Masterlist Part 4 Part 6 Playlist

---------------------

Age 18:

His truck was full.

He was driving, you were shotgun - like always - and there were three more friends in the back. The trunk held boogie boards and towels, sunscreen and a cooler full of food and drinks.

You got there early enough that you found a good spot and within half an hour you were completely set up. There were three big beach blankets spread out with two big umbrellas to hide under when the sun got too hot.

“Spills, can you get my back?” He was handing you the sunscreen as he pulled his shirt up.

You were momentarily taken aback, you’d known him for so long, this wasn’t your first beach trip but he looked… good.

You spent a little longer than you should have making sure every inch of the golden skin of his back and shoulders was covered in sunscreen. Making sure to dip your hands just under the band of his swim trunks. When he turned he had a big smile and you had to ignore the way your stomach flipped.

Get a grip, it’s just Francis.

You couldn’t get a grip though, not with the way butterflies swarmed in your stomach whenever you paid attention to him. His hair was growing out a bit, curling slightly at the edges. You’d never thought about him this way and you had to keep reminding yourself to look away.

Later on in the day when you were in the water you played the same games you’d played since you were kids and when you jumped on his back he didn’t push you away; his skin warm from the sun. Instead he let you wrap your legs around him and everything felt right.

“You okay back there?” He laughed as he held onto the back of your knees.

“Peachy.” You smiled as you held on.

-------------------------------

**Present Day**

“Hola Mijo, you better go in there and calm her down.” His mom greeted him at the door when he walked in, her eyebrows raised at him.

“Hola mami, what happened?” He kissed her on the cheek like he always did before making his way further into the house. She couldn’t say - just that Claudia was upset. He was walking towards her, but his mind was still back with Spills. He could still smell her hair as he made his way into the den.

It’s the same shampoo, she still uses the same shampoo. Focus Francisco.

Claudia was almost shouting into her cellphone.

“Well I need it here sooner than that. My wedding is in three weeks and I need everything to be perfect - so I don’t give a shit what you have to do to get my dress here in time but you better find a way to do it!” She was looking daggers at him and he let her finish the phone call before he spoke.

“What’s going on babe?” He put his hands on her arms and started trying to calm her but she shrugged out of his grasp.

“What’s wrong Francisco, is that I told you this would be difficult.” She wasn’t yelling but her tone was icy. “How am I supposed to get married without a wedding dress. Would have been fine if we were back home.”

Not this again.

“Claudia, I told you when we got engaged that I wanted to get married here and you agreed. I explained to you very clearly that I’ve been away from my home, my life, my family - my friends for years and I wanted to get married here. Now tell me what the problem is.” He wanted his feelings to be clear. He loved Claudia, he really did. She was sweet and beautiful and she treated him well. She could be a little spoiled though and if he didn’t put his foot down now, he’d never have a choice about anything ever again.

He would not live his life that way.

“Yes I know I agreed, and for the most part I’m okay with it. I know your whole life is here, but it would have been so easy to get married there.” She pouted and it didn’t invoke the feeling it should have. It didn’t spur him to try to please her, it annoyed him.

He momentarily thought about when Spills pouted up at him, it never annoyed him. He pushed the thought away.

“Maybe, but we’re not getting married there. We’re getting married here, now what can we do? Let's look for a solution.” He softened up at her a little bit, after all he wanted her to be happy.

She sighed loudly and put her arms around his neck, her voice got a little higher as she tried to appeal to him.

“Frankie, baby- I just want everything to be perfect.”

That doesn’t work on me.

“Let’s just try to have everything go smoothly. It’ll be our day regardless, right?” He put his hands on her waist to bring her close, trying to get her out of her head.

“How long do we have to stay here Francisco?” She leaned back to look up into his face and he sighed.

“We have to talk about that, after the wedding we’re going back to stay with your family for a little while but then we have to talk about where we’re going to live.” He held her, but she pulled away.

“I don’t want to live here after Francisco. I appreciate that you grew up here and everything and we can visit but I do not want to live here.” She crossed her arms petulantly, and he took a deep breath to steady himself. They’d spoken about this before and she had agreed to give it an honest try, but they’d been in town less than a week and already she was telling him she hated it.

“You can’t know that in three days babe.” He sat on the couch.

When they agreed to get married - he’d been scared of this, he’d been scared that she’d do this. He knew she loved him, and he loved her - as much as he could - but the look on her face when he’d put his foot down about spending this time at home should have told him everything.

She didn’t say anything, she sat with him and reluctantly agreed.

“You’re right, I’m sorry. I just miss home. I’ll give it another shot.” She sounded genuine and he wanted to believe that. “How was your night with Spills? Is she feeling better?” She smiled at him, putting her hand on his thigh and he placed his over hers. A silent truce.

“She’s doing much better, we ate dinner and watched a movie.” He held her hand as he spoke and she smiled at him.

“I’m glad to hear that - hopefully she doesn’t get that drunk at the wedding.” She laughed lightly.

He knew she didn’t mean it in a nasty way, but he bristled at her words.

“She was just nervous about meeting all of you, and even if she did it would be fine. Everyone gets drunk at weddings.” He tried not to sound defensive but she raised her eyebrows at him. “I just don’t want you to think that she’s a mess. She’s like a-” He couldn’t say sister, he’s never thought of her as a sister. She was so much more. “She’s just really important to me.”

“I know babe. I didn’t mean it like that, she seems sweet.” She smiled at him. She was still trying to get back in his good graces, taking his defensiveness as residual anger. Thankfully.

“We should plan something for all of us to do together. It could give us more time to bond.” He thought about it momentarily then agreed, he knew exactly what to plan.

------------

There was something playing on the TV, you caught vague flashes - people talking but you weren’t taking anything in. Your sweatshirt smelled like Frankie and all you wanted was to cuddle up to him. He had been so sturdy beside you, so strong and comfortable.

What the fuck is a wedding emergency?

The mature - adult part of your brain said she was a nice person and if Frankie was with her it was for a reason. Obviously he was happy with her or he wouldn’t be marrying her. Frankie had never been the kind of person to settle.

The other part of your brain, the jealous possessive part told you she was a bitch. She was ruining the life you’d planned out with Frankie. If he’d never met her you’d be together now, laughing and planning the rest of your lives together. He’d be in your bed, or you’d be in his.

[Francis]: Hey Spills, we’re planning a get together for the wedding party - day after tomorrow - beach day. I’ll be there to pick you up at 7am.

It was like the universe was testing you. How many memories could he taint with Claudia?

[you]: sounds good, Claudia, you, me and who else in rustbucket?

[Francis]: Just you and I, and don’t call her that. Claudia’s family is coming so she’s going to ride to the beach with them. I’ll grab coffee on the way. =)

[you]: Hope you have a new tape in there, if I have to listen to queen I’ll jump out of the car

[Francis]: lol a ride is a ride Spills, see you then

[Francis]: was really nice hanging out with you today btw, goodnight

[you]: I had a great time with you - like always, thanks again for all the food, goodnight Francis!

--------

It was easy to ignore everything when you were getting work done, you had taken off a few days when you knew Francis would be home and you were taking advantage of it. The day before your beach trip was used to do all those little tasks you tended to put off.

Your laundry was done, the kitchen was clean, even the fridge had gotten a bit of elbow grease. Everything was ready and packed for the trip.

You tried not to think about the ride to the beach with Francis, you tried not to think back to your previous trips to the beach with him. Those memories were so precious and thinking about how your next memory would be with him, and his new in-laws was tearing you up inside.

Please let this go well, please don’t let me make a fool of myself.

You hoped someone was listening.

The anxiety didn’t let you sleep and you watched the clock crawl closer to morning; it seemed pointless to lay there.

Might as well get ready.

-----

He wasn’t nervous, but he wasn’t excited.

He made his way over to her house, stopping to grab coffee on the way. He thought about his conversation with Claudia, about the possibility of leaving this place. He really didn’t want to. He wanted to be close to his mom, he wanted to be close to his friends and his home.

I want to be close to Spills, I want to see her everyday.

He scolded himself, he was going to marry someone else. He kept trying to remind himself, but when he saw her walking towards his car it all went out the window.

God Spills, you’re killing me.

She put her beach bag and a small cooler in the backseat and got into his truck with a big smile, pushing all other thoughts out of his mind. He handed her the coffee he bought and she took it gratefully, brushing against his fingers, even now - she affected him so much.

Snap out of it Francisco, you aren’t a teenager anymore. This is your friend.

“Hazelnut?” She asked as she smelled the steam floating around her pretty face.

“Of course.” He pulled away from her place, making his way towards the highway. It would be an hour or so until they got to the beach.

“Open up.” The buttery bagel half she put into his mouth as he drove tasted better than he remembered.

------

The drive was over much too soon.

If only it had lasted all day - catching him up on all the gossip he’d missed out on while away. Watching his excitement when he talked about flying, you could have listened to him talk forever.

“Finally!” Cheers rang out when the two of you arrived. The boys had set up a bunch of blankets and umbrellas and you suddenly remembered the state you’d been in the last time they saw you and you felt the blush creeping up.

Benny smiled big when he saw you, tapping the place beside him after you’d all said your hellos. You had no reason to deny him so you sat, setting up all your stuff within the space he made for you.

Blessedly, Claudia hadn’t arrived yet and you cherished this time without her, maybe it was mean - maybe it was selfish but you couldn't help it.

“Hey - Thanks for the other night, for getting me home and making sure I was okay.” Pope set up his stuff on the other side of you.

“No problem, glad to see you feeling better.” He was talking to you but you noticed him give Benny a curious look. Benny ignored it. You watched as Will and Frankie set up a volleyball net, you studied both men and there was no denying that Will was gorgeous; but your eyes were drawn to Frankie. You couldn’t help it, your eyes raked over him greedily.

He was so broad, stronger than he had been in his teen years and his belly had gotten a little softer with age but it suited him. He was gorgeous, he had always been gorgeous. He felt your eyes on him then and he smiled at you, walking over to you with the sunscreen in his hands like he always did. His smile faltered slightly when his gaze landed behind your place in the sand.

“Hey babe, how was the drive?” Claudia and her family had arrived and they were setting up just behind you.

Do you have some sort of alarm? How are you always ruining every single goddamn moment?

“It was hectic! Left a little later than I meant to but we survived.” She was breathless as she came to greet him. You busied yourself with something, anything in your bag to avoid watching them kiss. When you looked back she was squeezing sunscreen onto his back, rubbing the lotion much the same way you used to whenever you’d come to the beach together.

He didn’t meet your eyes when she did it, and you were thankful. You didn’t think you could handle seeing him enjoying her touch so much. Instead you focused on the people around you. You focused on Benny and Will and Pope, trying your best to ingratiate yourself to them. Hopefully erase the memory of you as a belligerent mess.

---

As the day went on you found that you liked these guys, not just as an extension of Francis - but because they were fun. They made you laugh, they spoke to you like they’d known you your whole life. They almost distracted you enough. You also noticed that Claudia was only here to lounge in the sun. She had absolutely no interest in getting in the water, no matter how many times she was asked by Frankie to join him.

He played it off like it didn’t bother him but you knew it did, and that in turn hurt you but your heart leapt when he turned to you.

“Spills, wanna come in the water with me?” He smiled and held out his hand and you gladly accepted. Following him in like you always had.

“Not much of a swimmer?” You couldn’t help but ask when the two of you were in the water.

“Not really, it’s a shame - the water's perfect today.” He floated, making sure to splash you and you waited until he was perfectly relaxed to splash him back. “God I love it here.” he spoke as he floated closer and closer.

“Me too. I want to live near the ocean one day.” You spoke absentmindedly, trying to feel for little shells or rocks as you walked further and further from the shore. He followed you.

You felt him splashing you from behind and you tackled him. The two of you turned into children in the water and it ended with you wrapped around his back like always. His hands on the back of your knees as you held on. You both watched the shore in silence, everyone too focused on whatever they were doing to notice your closeness and you were thankful for it. It made you hold on tighter, trying to get closer and he wrapped your legs around his tummy.

Maybe it was inappropriate, maybe if Claudia had been watching she would have had some words for him, or you, or both of you - but it didn’t stop you.

“Let’s just stay out here Spills. Let’s stay in the water forever.” He stroked the skin of your shins under the water and it was so hard not to cry right then and there. “Just you and me, living in the water.” He laughed but it came out sad.

“I’m game.” You rested your chin on his shoulder briefly and he bumped your head with his. This one little moment made the whole day worth it, and when he pulled away as you knew he would, your heart broke just a little bit more.

You were both wrong in your assumptions however. The moment you had thought was private, that you thought you’d stolen without anyone knowing had been seen and catalogued by someone on the shore. Pope had seen the whole thing, and he had some words for Francis.

--------------

Tag list: @frannyzooey @foli-vora @danniburgh @sambucky21 @greeneyedblondie44 @lola4pedro @ezrasbirdie @221bshrlocked @artsymaddie @supernaturalgirl20 @sleep-tight1 @softdindjxrin @wheresarizona @sherala007 @freak-nasty-thick-dick-mando @marydjarin @cannedsoupsucks @thirstworldproblemss @ilikechocolatemilkh @lori-tovar @freeshavocadoooo @hrk-fic-recs @greeneyedblondie44 @maxwell--lord @princessxkenobi @the-feckless-wonder @kirsteng42 @girlimjusttryingtoreadfanfics @thisshipwillsail316 @feministfanboi @dihra-vesa @gaiuswrites @stevie75 @sweet-creature98 @readsalot73 @tobealostwanderer @elegantduckturtle @diogodxlot @alczysz17 @evyiione @absurdthirst @beskarboobs @andruxx @littlemissoblivious @1800-fight-me @goldielocks2004 @maievdenoir @gracie7209 @omlwhatamidoinghere @bellaorisa @hellovanessax

[fanfic-scribbles]

Smile

Fandom: MCU Captain America/Avengers

Summary: Bucky gives you some reasons to smile.

Quick facts: Romance – Bucky Barnes/Reader – Female Reader

Warnings: Fluff, puns, cheesy jokes, so cheesy

Words: 3344

A/N: I’m going to admit it upfront, about 40 percent of the time spent on this fic was spent on writing it. The other 60 percent was spent on finding the jokes. Also, this story is semi-inspired by the fact that my face is not nearly as expressive as it feels (I basically look like the polite cat meme when I really try and I can’t do it for long before my face hurts too much) so this goes out to other people who get accused of resting bitch/asshole face. And get written up for it. Anyway, please enjoy this goofy little Bucky/Reader get together.

  ~

‘How do you make a tissue dance?’

‘Put a little boogie in it.’

Bucky snorts and coughs when he accidentally breathes coffee instead of air. ‘That’s disgusting,’ he texts back but Sam just replies with an obnoxious smiling face. Bucky shakes his head and goes back to his coffee. It’s actually not so terrible today.

He doesn’t hang out in a dive, but this coffee shop is a type of quiet he almost never sees in the city. It’s too far from the tourism path for convenience and just outside the neighborhood purview where there are many other local (better) favorites. It’s clean enough and decently sized, but it’s decorated like it was supposed to be trendy ten years ago and the place is barely staffed, to match its perpetually nigh-empty interior. There was a short-lived attempt at hiring another person, but after a ridiculous amount of turnover the owners, or whoever, apparently cut their losses and the only constants that remain are Bucky, the lone customer, you, the person actually working the counter, and your manager.

You’re nice. You always speak kindly to Bucky and, when you think you can sneak it, upsize his cup without comment or charge. Also, one time when his glove broke and slipped off, you hadn’t even commented on the arm; you’d even helped him stop panicking enough to see it hadn’t gone far and helped secure it temporarily with a rubber band.

Your manager, meanwhile, is a dick who glares at Bucky and once made a snide comment about him leaning too close to the register, and only talks to you in demanding barks. Like now– but the five minute “hushed” conversation is winding down and soon it will be safe for Bucky to go get his refill.

“I’m writing you up,” the manager says.

You jerk back in shock. “For not smiling enough?”

“It’s what we got marked down for, it’s what’s going on your record,” he says, turns on his heel, and retreats into the back to do jack shit. Bucky glares at his back as he goes. His harsh expression turns to a milder frown when he looks at you, hunched over and staring at the counter with a dead expression on your face.

He looks at his phone, looks at his empty coffee cup, and makes a quick decision.

“Can I get a refill?” he asks when he’s in front of you, startling you out of your stagnant misery. You look up at Bucky and after a second force an unnatural smile on your face. He winces on your behalf.

“Of course,” you say softly, and turn to refill the cup.

When you hand it back to him Bucky shuffles, hesitates, but finally asks, “Why are colds bad criminals?”

You blink. “Uh…why?”

“Because they’re easy to catch.”

You blink again, and then let out a startled laugh. Bucky smiles slightly at the sound, and smiles more at the more natural, smaller turn of your lips as you say, “That’s…that’s a good one.”

“It’s pretty terrible.”

“All the best ones are,” you say, and the door chimes making Bucky break away. But as he watches you talk to the delivery man like normal he nods to himself. He leaves with his coffee to start the day and fires a quick text to Sam: ‘Where do you get your dumb jokes?’

~

The next day when the door chimes and you see your one regular customer, you let yourself smile a lot more naturally than you have been. Your face is starting to hurt and your boss is probably napping in the back, so you take the chance to relax.

“Hi,” you say. “The usual?”

“Please,” he says, polite as ever as he hands you exact change and you go to fix his cup. When you bring it back he asks, “What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?”

“What?”

“Dam.”

You giggle despite yourself. Bucky’s smile is small and guarded, but you haven’t had a moment yet where you haven’t been grateful to see it. Maybe this ‘smiling’ business is all it’s cracked up to be. If only it didn’t hurt your cheeks so much.

But as he tips his cup to you and goes to his favorite corner, you find you don’t mind the ache as much.

~

Every time he comes in now, he brings a new joke.

“What do you call a fake noodle?”

“An im-pasta.”

“What does a clock do when it’s hungry?”

“It goes back four seconds.”

“Why did the bike fall over?”

“It was two tired.”

The delivery is fairly flat but there’s always at least the hint of a smile and, you don’t know, it might be his absolute seriousness that sells it, because every one of them raises your spirits. You don’t know why he’s suddenly telling you jokes. For anyone else you might think they’re flirting, but you don’t get that impression here. He’s handsome, always looks put-together in quality clothes even if they seem picked for comfort over anything else, and even before this he has always been unfailingly polite. If he wants someone, he has to have someone just as lovely. Right?

You can’t help but think about it even after he comes back. And the wonderfully terrible jokes, thankfully, don’t stop.

“Why did the mushroom go to the party?”

You keep pouring the coffee while you ponder an answer. “I don’t know,” you decide and lift your head as you hand Bucky his drink.

The way he smiles is very fetching– not quite a smirk, it’s a little too unsure for that, but it tilts up to the side and gives him a boyish charm that would make anyone weak in the knees. “Because he was a fungi.”

It makes a smile big enough for you to feel, but considering how self-conscious you are now you quickly tell him, “I liked that.”

“I know,” he says. “You smiled.”

“You can tell?” Maybe you aren’t as bad off as you thought. Or maybe he’s just being nice. But he seems honest, and he nods decisively.

“I get not being the most…expressive.” He shrugs. “But anyone can still see it, if they look.”

The implication that he cares enough to look stuns you both to silence. He ducks his head shyly and lifts his coffee cup in thanks before retreating to his corner. When you finally have working vocal cords again you say, “Have a nice day.” It might be the first time you’ve ever really meant it.

~

“What’s the opposite of coffee?”

Bucky’s eyes widen and narrow in quick succession as he goes from surprise to contemplation. He weighs your question with all the dramatic seriousness you could hope for before he says, “I don’t know. What is the opposite of coffee?”

You grin when you say, “Sneezy.”

His smile is bright and he nods his head. “Not bad, not bad.” He leans on the counter, looking more relaxed than you’ve ever seen him. It’s…shockingly warming. You have to remind yourself not to get too close. He showed up out of the blue and he can be gone just as quickly. Just because he’s nice doesn’t mean he has any attachment here. In fact, you hope he doesn’t– you’d question his sanity otherwise. “Why did Mozart hate chickens?”

“I don’t know,” you say, eager to hear the answer.

“Because when he asked them for their favorite composer, they said, “Bach! Bach! Bach!’”

You laugh– that is, of course, when your supervisor pokes his head out of the back and scowls at you. He should be happy that you’re ‘smiling enough’ but you know full well anything you do is never going to be good. You freeze whatever expression is on your face as Bucky’s mood darkens and your heart sinks. “Enjoy your coffee,” you say, infusing meaning into every word. That ekes out a small imitation of a smile as Bucky raises his cup and goes to his seat.

Your supervisor starts to stalk over to you but you are saved by the sudden ringing of a phone, and he blessedly turns on his heel and goes to answer.

You sigh and start cleaning up the counter. Bucky is in his corner, hunched over and quiet as usual. He looks fine, but you feel bad for the interruption, even though you get the impression he understands. Still, this is one nice thing you’ve had in this otherwise miserable job and you’re not going to lose yet one more good person to your superior’s shitty attitude.

You push out a roll of receipt paper, scribble ‘Why did the espresso keep checking his watch?’ on it, and stick it in your apron. You walk over to wipe down an untouched table and, before heading back, make a little detour to drop it next to Bucky’s arm. He grabs the paper as you’re scooting away (plausible deniability in case your boss comes out) but it isn’t until you’re back behind the counter that you realize what that just looked like. Does he think you just dropped your number? He hasn’t opened it yet. Is he trying to figure out a way to let you down? You suddenly regret playing into this so much; he was just trying to be nice, he probably didn’t expect you to latch onto it so–

He opens the paper, reads it, and shoots you a little smirk. You breathe a sigh of relief and mindlessly wipe things down and rearrange well-organized creamers and straws until Bucky comes up for his customary pre-leaving refill. You’re a little disheartened it’s that time already, but it means you’re that much closer to the end of your shift, at least.

“Why?” Bucky asks quietly. It takes you a second before you remember the receipt paper and you surreptitiously check the back to see the door is closed.

“Because he was pressed for time,” you say quietly as you hand back his cup.

He chuckles. “I like it,” he says and takes a sip. “Thanks,” he adds as expected, but then he winks and you…you just stare at him as he leaves.

Should you have dropped your number?

~

A few days later, Bucky is caught off his guard and pays for it.

“What’s this?”

Bucky doesn’t get to his coffee cup fast enough and Sam snatches it and reads. “Sam,” Bucky grumbles but there it is, Sam’s eyes go wide and he turns that stare on Bucky. “Don’t look at me like that,” Bucky snaps and snatches his drink back.

“You’ve been using my jokes to hit on a dorky barista?” Sam asks and follows him across the room.

“I’ve been using jokes from the site you steal yours from to share with the nice woman who makes my coffee,” Bucky says and sits in a chair. He never stays for Sam’s group VA sessions and he should have left sooner, damn it. “I wouldn’t use yours. They’re gross.”

“Potentially inappropriate for a lady,” Sam says. Bucky opens his mouth to argue but, no, that’s exactly it, even though Sam’s tone implies something completely different from what Bucky would have said. “What’s her name?”

“Bucky?”

Steve has never been more of an actual hero to Bucky than he is right now. Right on time to walk back home with Bucky, Steve wanders in, sees the two of them, and stops. “Oh, should I…”

“Let’s g–” Bucky is immediately stopped by Sam’s hand on his shoulder.

“Bucky’s got his eyes on someone,” Sam says, immediately centering himself as Bucky’s most hated arch-nemesis.

…Okay, maybe not, but if Bucky didn’t have real problems he would be.

“I do not,” Bucky grumbles, because he knows it’s pointless and Steve is immediately sitting in front of them and leaning in like he’s the last girl at the sleepover.

“Really Buck? That’s great!” Steve says. “Have you…are you going to make a move?”

“No,” Bucky says and quickly runs down the situation, hoping that it will clear things up but knowing his friends too well. Indeed, Sam and Steve share smirks before looking at him again.

“You’re a real hero,” Sam says, only partly joking.

“I hate you,” Bucky says, ducking his head down. He doesn’t really blush anymore, if he ever did, but the motion is instinctive.

“You don’t.”

“I wish I did.”

Steve grins, as does Sam, and Bucky wants to duck into a hole. Goddamn mother hens, they’re going to want to–

“Should we come by?” Sam asks and leans back in his chair. “Be real wingmen?”

“No,” Bucky says, harsher than he means to. Sam and Steve don’t look bothered– they’ve weathered worse emotional snaps than that– but they wait for him to explain and Bucky doesn’t know if he can. Because what if this is leading to something? Is he ready for that? He thinks he might like you, but would he be okay putting in the effort of getting to know you? What if he can’t handle it? What if Steve and Sam walk in and they’re all you see? Both of them are plenty distracting, and charming, while Bucky can hardly put one foot in front of the other, some days. And what if this isn’t leading to anything, you’re just nice, and it’s nice, but Sam and Steve find out and look at him with all the pity they can muster?

“I just…want to see it through. On my own. Whatever this is.” ‘Or could be’ he leaves unspoken, because hoping for anything still feels like too much.

“Okay,” Sam says first, because of course he does, but Steve nods along quickly. It’s enough to make Bucky exhale deeply and relax muscles he didn’t know he had tensed. He rolls his eyes and stands up to cover for it.

“You’ll keep us updated though, right?” Sam asks, an easy grin on his face as he lounges in the chair.

“Like I’ll be able to avoid it,” Bucky mutters, finishes his drink, and lets Sam know they’re okay by throwing the empty cup at his head.

~

The fact that you’re running out of coffee-related jokes is stressing you out. You wanted to keep on theme but too many more days of this and you’ll be scouring the internet for whatever jokes Bucky hasn’t used yet. There are some coffee-related puns, but…the ones you like carry a romantic hint to them, and you were hoping to save those in case Bucky showed any interest. So far you haven’t picked up on anything, but you’re also very oblivious, and your roommate thinks you’re an idiot and he’s obviously into you.

But he might not be.

You do what you’ve been doing since your boss snarked at you about flirting on the clock and get Bucky’s cup ready with maybe your favorite joke.

‘How did the hipster burn his tongue?

He drank his coffee before it was cool.’

And smile proudly at it. Your small handwriting is getting better– Bucky barely has to squint at it this time, and he gives you a conspirator’s smile when he slides his twenty-dollar bill across the counter at you, with the neatest print writing along the margins.

‘What do you call an alligator detective?

An investi-gator.’

It’s cute and you snicker to yourself as you gather his change and place it gently in his gloved hand. He doesn’t retreat to his corner right away, though, and shuffles in place. “I was…I just wanted to say…” But then his eyes glance to your side and his face freezes in an unfortunately familiar way. “Thank you for the coffee,” he says woodenly and raises his cup just so.

“Of course. Have a nice day,” you say as robotically as possible and watch him go. Your supervisor clears his throat pointedly and you pretend like the place isn’t as clean as it was since the last time you went around. But now you’re thinking. About how awkward Bucky looked, and how he mentioned wanting to say something…maybe…maybe he is open. To you. Potentially.

Tomorrow, you decide with a thrill of nauseating adrenaline. Tomorrow you’re going to bring it up.

~

The next day you arrive at the shop at your usual time in the pre-dawn cold only to find an extra padlock on the door and a note in the window.

You stare, dumbfounded, and read the note. You read it again. And again.

‘Out of Business.’

But nobody called you.

You immediately grab your phone and dial your supervisor’s number. When he doesn’t pick up you call it again because this cannot be real. The job was shit but it was a job, and you knew what to expect, and you’ll never see Bucky again, will you?

It takes almost half an hour for the asshole to pick up– or maybe more, as the sun is starting to show up– and upon answering, he snaps, “What?!”

“What happened?” you ask, just as unkindly.

Your boss grumbles unintelligibly but you wait. “Did you see the sign?”

“I was working yesterday; no one mentioned anything about this.”

“Corporate called last night.” He yawns loudly. “I tried to call you.”

That’s a lie if you’ve ever heard one, but your tongue gets tripped up in anger and he says, “Sorry but there’s no room at the other branches for you, your last check is in the mail,” and hangs up.

You stand there for a while, trying to blink away tears at the sudden upheaval of your life. You should have found a replacement job while you had a chance. You should have asked your co-workers where they were going. You should have given Bucky your number.

You stand there for a little while, debating spending money you shouldn’t on a nice breakfast to wallow in, when the sound of footsteps coming up behind you makes you turn around.

“Oh, Bucky,” you say and rub your face. You think you’ve managed to hold it in, but it’s chilly and any exposed skin feels frozen.

“What’s going on?” he asks and peers around you at the note.

“Um…” You gesture uselessly. “Apparently this location is no longer in business. Just found out.”

Bucky’s jaw drops. “That asshole didn’t even call you?!”

The amount of anger on your behalf startles you. Startles both of you, actually, but just as he’s about to say something you laugh and say, “At least that asshole isn’t my problem anymore.” You sigh. You have savings, and the other job, and there’s always some other crappy job waiting for someone like you. But there’s something here that won’t be, and you pull out your phone and start typing. “Um…Bucky…there’s something I wanted to say to you. But it’s hard to say.”

“Okay?” he asks. You squeeze your eyes tight, brace yourself for impending rejection, and hold out your phone.

‘I like you a latte,’ followed by your phone number, hopefully gets the point across. After a few seconds your phone buzzes and you jump and bring it back, hoping no one texted you anything terrible while Bucky was staring at your phone.

It’s a new number, and the text reads, ‘It’s hard to espresso my feelings for you.’

You look up at him and he’s smiling, mouth parted slightly, and you start smiling so hard your cheeks hurt. But it’s okay. “I only had two more coffee jokes left before that line,” you confess and save his name to his number.

“Maybe you can tell them to me over breakfast? My treat,” he says and extends his arm.

You don’t even have to think about it. “Your treat this time,” you say, and link your arm with his. “In return, I’m going to show you where to get some good coffee.”

“Oh I don’t know,” he smirks at you. “The last place had its perks.”

Lacking a good comeback, you push your face into his shoulder to muffle your laughter. He leans into you, and doesn’t pull away even when you’ve gotten under control.

It’s the beginning of a brew-tiful relationship.

[yeosangsleftbicep]

sand, salt, and tears

series information:

pairing: Johnny x reader, Jaehyun x reader

summary: You have a boring job at the beach for the summer, but one day your life is spiced up after meeting a handsome lifeguard named Johnny and all of his friends.

genre: lifeguard au, summertime romance

warnings/themes: alcohol, drugs, (eventually maybe) smut, fluff, second-lead syndrome (?), angst, love-triangles, jealousy

"I’m here to help, you’re gonna be okay."

Ch.1

warnings: blood (small injury), swearing

word count: 2.1k

next chapter >>

You never intended for the summer between your sophomore and junior years of college to be packed with hard work and stress. In fact, you thought that having a part-time job in a beach town would be quite the opposite. That it would be full of seasonal flings, sunburns, and plenty of time relaxing on the beach enjoying your sappy romance novels. Instead, your absolute bitch of a boss, Cindy, had you working 35 hours a week wiping tables and taking orders, sometimes even being a substitute bartender if it was a busy night. Luckily for you, your best friend Karina also decided to take the plunge into the world of summer waitressing with you, and the two of you had almost every shift together. But still, you would much rather be stretched out underneath the sun right now than punching your 100th order of the morning into the restaurant’s computer system. You sigh aloud at the thought of the salt water lapping at the shore, seagulls flapping around while the local surf rock station plays quietly on the radio in the sand next to you.

“Y/N!!” an obnoxious voice shouts, shaking you out of your seashore reverie. Your eyes refocus just in time to see Cindy storming towards you in anger, her eyes scrunched with a fury that only ever comes out when you’ve messed up. “You’ve been standing there for 2 minutes doing nothing,” she hisses through her teeth. “Pull yourself together. You only have a half hour left on your shift, and then you’re free to be as useless as you want.”

“Sorry,” you mumble under your breath, holding back a sarcastic retort to the last part of Cindy’s criticism. You punch the order into the system and sweep yourself back into the dining room to do rounds and check on the tables that you’ve already served food to.

---

True to her word, Cindy released you from hell 30 minutes later. As quickly as possible, you strip off your apron and change into one of your favorite blue bikinis in the employee bathroom, wanting to hit the beach as soon as possible. You find Karina waiting outside the restaurant in her white Jeep Wrangler, roof and doors removed for the warm summer weather. On the rare days when the two of you don’t share a shift, this is always your routine. Karina picks you up at the end of your 2 o’clock shift and drives the two of you to the beach where you spend the next four hours basking in the sun and body-boarding in the water.

Today is no different, and the two of you soon find yourselves spreading out your towels and slathering yourselves in sunscreen, preparing for an afternoon of the reason you truly came to the small beach town this summer: relaxing. After an hour or so of sunbathing and reading some rather spicy parts of your latest romance novel, you and Karina decide it’s time for a dip in the ocean. “Hey, Y/N, go check what the water temperature is so we can mentally prepare ourselves before turning into popsicles in the ocean,” Karina giggles, gesturing towards the nearest lifeguard stand. You nod in agreement and make your way over to the back of the tall white chair where information such as water temperature and high tide is usually posted. As you near the stand however, you notice that instead of temperatures and warnings, someone had written the words ‘Ask me!’ over the chalkboard.

You glance up at the lifeguard to try and catch their eye, but an umbrella has been propped sideways to block a northward wind, preventing you from being able to see the person sitting there. “Excuse me!” you shout, hand shielding your eyes from the sun as you make your way around to the front of the stand. “Is everything okay?” a gentle voice responds. The lifeguard, a rather lanky, handsome man with black hair brushing the top of his ears, leans over. “Everything’s fine,” you respond with a timid smile. “I was just wondering what the water temperature is?”

The man’s form visibly relaxes as he realizes that there was no emergency and you just wanted some information. “Oh! Yeah, the temperature is 67°,” the lifeguard responds.

“Okay, thank you!” you shout, turning away to walk back to where Karina was waiting.

“Wait! Are you planning on boarding at all?” he asks, forcing you to turn around. He glances over at Karina and the boogie boards lying on the sand next to her while she watches us.

“Um, yeah. Is that okay?” you respond, placing your hands on your hips.

“Of course, of course! You should just know that there’s some serious undertow and a pretty strong rip current in this area today. If you get pulled out just swim parallel to the beach to get back in or signal if you need help,” he smiles helpfully.

“Oh. Thanks, but I think I’ll be okay,” you nod. “I’ve been coming to this beach and boarding since I was a little kid.”

The lifeguard just shrugs and sits down, but you can feel his eyes on you and Karina as the two of you grab your boards and dive into the frigid waves. Unfortunately for you, the lifeguard was quite right about the strong currents, and you spent half of your time in the water struggling to not be dragged down the entire length of the beach. After about a half hour of unsuccessfully attempting to catch some waves, Karina sighs and starts to swim in. “Maybe tomorrow will be better conditions. Neither of us are working so we can be out here all day if you want,” she exclaims, always the optimist. “Ok,” you reply. “I’m going to stay out here a little longer and then head in. Do you mind taking my board?”

You un-velcro the strap from your wrist and push the board towards Karina for her to drag it onto the sand. As soon as you let go of the board, you begin to realize just how much you were relying on it to keep you afloat in the strong current, especially considering you aren’t in an area where you can touch the bottom. After just a couple of minutes of treading water, you decide to follow Karina’s idea and begin to swim towards the shore. Karina sees you making her way towards her, but she waves her hands and shouts, pointing to the ocean behind you. A quick glance tells you that there’s a massive wave just seconds away from crashing on your head. “Shit,”  you curse, turning around and bracing yourself to be pommeled. Had you been farther out, you might have been given the chance to dive under the wave as it crested, but you were in the exact area that, when the wave finally arrived, the only thing you could do was take a deep breath and hope for the best.

As the wave crashes around you and catches you in it’s white waters, you tuck your knees into your chest, feeling yourself bounce around, your shins catching the sharp shells and rocks being thrown around you. After what feels like forever, you finally resurface, gasping for breath and a little red-faced from the embarrassment of wiping out, but still alive. And yet, something felt weird. As you catalogue your surroundings, you notice that you are farther from the shore than you were when you went under. Much farther. You try to plant your feet on the sand beneath you, but instead begin to sink below the surface. Having been tired out from fighting the waves for the past hour, you begin to panic, forgetting everything that the lifeguard had just told you about swimming out of rip currents.

In your own panicking and splashing around, you fail to notice someone swimming towards you. Someone wearing red swimming trunks with a bright orange buoy tied around their waist. When the lifeguard finally reaches you, he grabs your wrist to place your hand on the float, causing you to scream out in surprise, still not realizing that someone was there to save you.

“Shhh, shhhh calm down it’s okay,” the lifeguard says, reaching for your hand again. “I’m here to help, you’re gonna be okay.”

You try your hardest to hold in your tears as you grip onto the lifeguard’s buoy, but you feel like you can barely breath from the panic that you just experienced. You squeeze the orange plastic so tightly that your knuckles turn white, something that the lifeguard is quick to notice. “You’re going to be okay,” he once again reassures you. “What’s your name?” he asks in a soothing voice.

After a few deep gasps, you’re able to get out, “Y/N.”

The man smiles. “Hi, Y/N. I’m Johnny. I’m going to get you back to solid ground, okay? But I’m going to need you to stay calm for me, okay? Or else it’s going to be a lot harder for me.”

Unable to respond, you just rapidly shake your head, eager to have your feet touching the earth again. Johnny places one of his hands on the other side of the buoy, and uses his right arm to begin towing you back towards the shore. In no time, the water grows lighter as you and Johnny cut through the water, eventually reaching an area where you can once again stand. “Are you okay?” he asks, turning towards you with a worried sound to his voice. You once again nod, embarrassed to meet his eyes and not trusting your voice to be stable if you spoke.

Johnny gives you a once over, his eyes lingering on your knee. You follow his gaze and notice that during the wave, a shell must have gashed your leg open, and a steady flow of blood is now streaming through the cut on your knee. “Why don’t you come up to my stand and let me check that out?” Johnny asks, although it comes out as more of a command. “O-Okay,” you whisper. He places a steadying hand on your back and guides you up the sand to where Karina is waiting for you. “Oh. My. God,” Karina shrieks, seeing the injury on your leg. “She’ll be fine,” Johnny comments to her. “I just want to clean and bandage the cut to make sure that it doesn’t get infected.”

He guides you to sit down on a foldable chair at the base of the lifeguard stand while he climbs up to get a medical kit. “This might sting a bit,” Johnny apologizes in advance, opening the bag to pull out an alcohol wipe. “It’s okay, I can handle it,” you grimace.

“Just like you said you can handle the ocean?” Johnny asks, looking up with a small grin. “Sorry, too soon.”

“For your information,” you begin. “I would ordinarily be able to deal with that wave, no problem. I just wasn’t ready.”

“Mm-hm. I’m sure,” Johnny nods sarcastically.

“Hey,” you frown. “You don’t know me well enough to be making fun of me- HOLY SHIT THAT HURTS!”

You glance down to see Johnny dabbing at the wound on your leg with the cleansing cloth. “Sorry,” he grimaces. “I did try to warn you.”

Johnny goes to wipe at the cut again, another wave of pain rolling over you. You involuntarily reach out to squeeze the closest thing, which happens to be Johnny’s bare back as he’s bent over your knee. “Jesus, woman,” Johnny swears, pulling away as your nails dig into his skin in pain. Your hands shoot up to cover your mouth. “I’m so sorry!” you squeak. He sucks air in quickly through his teeth as he glances over his shoulder to look at the scratches you left on him. “I normally have to buy someone a few drinks before I get them to mark me like that,” he chuckles, turning his attention back to your leg, which he begins to cover with a bandage.

Your cheeks color a bright red at the suggestive comment, although luckily Johnny doesn’t glance up at that moment to see your embarrassment.

“There. All done,” Johnny says, gently patting your knee and standing up. “The next time I tell you to watch out for the rip, listen to me,” he orders, raising an eyebrow at me. “Yessir,” you say seriously, giving him a sarcastic little salute. Johnny’s grins. “I’ll see you around, Y/N.”

“See you around, Johnny,” you respond, slowly limping your way back to Karina.

next chapter >>

a/n: Please like if you enjoyed it so I know whether to keep writing!

[clearwillow]

Halloween Kills

Finally got to watch this movie this afternoon, and both my mom and my sister hated it. I’m...disappointed, and I love the Halloween series (except for Rob Zombie those do not exist - if the IY fandom can elect to ignore Yashahime I can do that with this so try me)

Gonna put the thoughts under a cut, partly because I wanna talk about some of the kill scenes but also some minor(?) spoilers.

Ok the kills? I was pleased with the effects, to be honest. I’d seen in reviews that they weren’t holding back and you see the moments as they happen, so that’s good. It’s nice to know that hype wasn’t bullshit.

The moment that he comes out of the house and goes full tilt boogie on the firefighters? All the bitching about how that scene should be cut? How would they explain that he got out of the house? This was a necessary transition to show how he got loose, and lets them know he’s not dead. This was a needed scene, and yeah it’s brutal, but they were in his way.

I grew more and more disappointed in the OG cast-grown-up the further it got, especially Tommy. Dude, you told Laurie that you can’t kill the Boogeyman, and yet you think you can form a Proud Boys knockoff posse and storm the neighborhood, terrify people in their own front yards who know fuck all what’s going on, and then surround Michael in the middle of a street with a bunch of wooden baseball bats.

Tommy had it coming, just saying.

And for the first time I was actually feeling bad for Michael in that scene. This is an old man now. He’d be 61, and there’s this swarm of people armed to the nines like a redneck mob in the suburbs of an Illinois town in the middle of the night. You take away the fact that he’s possibly some eldritch being that gains strength with each “sacrifice” he makes that sustains his life, and that’s...a really bad scene. I should feel bad for those people Tommy corralled into “the hunt” but...I don’t.

And this is why I don’t feel bad for those people: the hospital. If you know you know, and if you don’t know you don’t need to be reading this.

That escaped man, nutty as squirrel shit he may have been, upset me. All because of Tommy, not knowing the facts and assuming that the man looking for help was Michael, started a whole fucking mob through the hospital to chase this man down. The way these people destroyed supplies, ran over doctors and nurses and other patients that were injured made me sick.

I know the scenes were probably shot before the January 6 riots, but that’s all I could see that entire time. If that’s the case, I hope everyone is pleased with themselves. It got harder to shake that idea the longer the movie went on.

Overall, I was disappointed with the movie as a whole. There were parts I liked, but I’m glad I only spent the money on Peacock Plus to watch it. If there wasn’t a pandemic I’d have been pissed to pay out the ass to see it in a theater. It makes me glad that there’s going to be one more movie in the trilogy, even if at this point I could predict the outcome.

[youllneverknowrac]

Oscar Diaz-Summer Nights

Summer days just sitting around but when the sun goes down, I’ll be ready to party

It was officially the first day of Summer so everybody in the neighborhood was in high spirits, and like usual there was going to be party. Only this time it was being held at one of the other Santo members house since he wanted to plan a big bash for his little sister’s high school graduation celebration. That meant all sorts of different people were going to be in attendance of all backgrounds and ages. As you play out tonight in your mind you end up getting distracted when your phone goes off so you set your lipgloss down and rush over to it.

Call the ruca on the phone, let her know I'm home alone, Its Seven thirty and the sun is going down, Its a Summer night and the fun is going down, I picked her up and she looks all dolled up, Sitting passenger in my rag impala , I let her know she looks beautiful to me, The world is an ugly place but she's such a site to see

“What’s up papi?” You ask into the receiver after you answer, glancing at your alarm clock to check the time since Oscar said he wouldn’t be picking you up until later since he had to go take care of something.

“Ima pull up on you so we can dip, I finished a bit earlier than expected so I figured we could kick it for a bit before the party started.” You hear him say, his voice sort of muffled by the sound of air coming in through his rolled down windows along with the music he was playing.

“Are you asking or telling me?” You smirk as you put him on speaker so you can hurry up and pull on your outfit.

“Telling, so hurry up and pull those jeans over that ass of yours.” He reply’s smugly,”Wear those hoops I bought you too, I like the way they sparkle and shit.”

“You’re lucky I love you.” You laugh as you shake your head and jump into your too tight jeans. Your legs poking out from the ripped areas,”The only man I will ever let boss me around.” You joke

“Only women I let boss me around.”

“Don’t you forget it.” You retort as your search for the specific hoops among all your other ones, letting Oscar talk about who knows what while you finish getting ready,”Damn do you gotta pull up banging like that?” You ask him a few minutes later as you grab your phone, Oscar’s famous red car now parked in your driveway,”I can hear you all the way from Beverly Hills.”

“Fuck Beverly Hills, your ass would never be caught there. Besides you’re the one that bought me the speakers.” He reminds as you make your way out after quickly saying by to your grandparents who sat outside in the garden.

“Yeah I’m starting to regret that.” You tell him when you walkout, hanging up and sliding your phone into your back pocket,”What are you staring at fool?” You tease as you open the door and climb in, thankful he cut off the radio so you could actually talk to him.

“You.” He shrugs and leans over to peck you,”You look beautiful...sexy.” He mumbles against your lips,”Cherry?” He asks when he pulls away, a slight shine on his own lips now.

“Strawberry.” You correct him as you buckle up, your smile on full display,”You like?”

“I like everything about you chiquita.” He breaths, his head still in your personal space until your hand pushes him away playfully.

“Back up before you get smacked up.” You warn him, Oscar laughing at your remark.

“That’s my line, you copying my style?”

“It’s not copying when I do it better papi.”

“Better?” He scoffs as he begins to back out of the drive way.

“I didn’t stutter.” You tell him as you pull down the mirror so you could apply more of the gloss,”Don’t be a hater.”

“Hater my ass.”

“Hm.” You hum as you gloss up your lips carefully,”We going to your house?”

“Obviamente, why? You want to go somewhere else or que?”

“I want something from the refresqueria...I don’t know what exactly but something.”

“Yo your ass always wants to eat something.” He chuckles,”What do you want this time? Hot Cheetos, elote, tacos, or a bu...”

“Aye, if you keep it up I’ll make you buy it all.” You cut him off

“I let you get away with too much, I need to quit spoiling you. You’re attitude gets worse everyday.”

“You want me to get out of the car?” You ask smugly as you reach over and take his free hand that wasn’t on the steering wheel,”I’ll walk home and leave you all alone.”

“You ain’t walking nowhere.” He laughs and brings your intertwined hands up to place a reassuring kiss to the back of yours. You don’t respond, your smile growing wider as you look out the window.

The temp was eighty and I'm cruising with my lady, Playing some Ralphie Pagan, "Oh Baby Baby", I see my home boys and they're cruising in their rides, With their ladies sitting by their side, People think we look crazy, but I think we look classy, But then again that's only if you ask me

“Looks like the homies had the same idea.” Oscar says after he parks in the crowded lot.

“Oh the girls are here.” You say happily as you take notice of the royal blue low rider parked next to a similar car in black,”Let’s go say hi.” You exclaim, not giving Oscar time to respond as you jump out and walk over to your group of friends,”What’s up bitches?!” You squeal

“Hey girl!” The two girls say mutually as they each pull away from their respective boy friend to come greet you.

“What’s up.” Sad Eyez smiles while Joker gives you a head nod, before the three guys engage in a conversation.

“Did you guys order already?” You ask as you take notice of all the people waiting for their food.

“Yes and the line took forever. If you want you can have some of our shit, you already know Fransico’s scrawny ass is only going to take two bites before he’s full.” Sad Eyez girl, Gia, informs you.

“Yeah girl, you can have some of our shit too.” Lena shrugs,”It should be here any second, besides all these people staring at us got me feeling some type of way.”

“What who’s staring?!” Gia says loudly as she looks around, her red dyed hair flapping about,”I’ll kindly tell them to fuck off.”

“Someone staring at y’all?” Oscar asks, him and the other guys coming closer protectively.

“More or less.” Lena reply’s as she grabs a hold of Joker’s arm,”It’s fine, how could they not stare when we rolled up in the sexiest cars.”

“Period.” You laugh and lean against your boyfriend,”Sexiest cars and the baddest bitches.”

“Man, they just hating cause we some classy mofos.” Oscar laughs loudly,”However, if anyone has a problem they can address it with me.” He adds loudly causing everybody in ear shot to look away rather quickly.

“Shhh, before you get us kicked off the property.” You giggle and stand up on your tip toes to give him a small kiss,”The foods almost here and I’ll be pissed if I can’t eat any.” You say before letting him return to his previous conversation so you can do the same. After another few minutes a worker comes out and finds you guys with ease and hands out the items.

“Thank you guys so much, I’ll see y’all tonight right?” You ask after taking a bite of your chile covered fruit minutes later.

“Most definitely! See you in a bit!” Gia calls as she hangs out the window as Sad Eyez drives off. Jokers car following them with a honk.

“Let’s go bebe.” Oscar says and ushers you toward the car, opening the passenger side door before heading around to his side. Wanting to get in some alone time before tonight started and he would have to share your attention.

My homeboys throwing a back yard boogie, So every body gets together to unwind, relax and have a fun time, The DJ is spinning so I grab the mic and be like, Ain't nothing like them summer nights, The party is packed with beautiful woman and, A gang of the homies that want to get with them, And they'll say anything just to hit em, And its usually a nice summer night when they did em, Idon't know, it must be something in the air, Can't help but have a good time, because the feeling is there, To some people the feeling is rare, They're at the pad saying God dam I wish I was there, To have a drink, have a tok and hook up, With some one fine but the kind that looks up, Got to keep some pisto in the cup, Party until the sun comes up or we give up

After spending time with Oscar at his place for a while you guys ended up going to the party that was now in full effect when you pulled up. You head to the backyard hand in hand before finding a few other Santo members and taking a seat with them, well you sat on Oscar’s lap of course as you looked out at the swarm of people. You sigh contently as you lean back against him, listening to his conversation and laughing when he did since you could feel the rumble of his chest.

“Look at Cesar.” You whisper in his ear as you watch the younger Diaz flirt with some girl.

“He ain’t got no game.” Oscar says teasingly,”See.” He says moments later when the girl walks away rather quickly.

“Stop, he’s trying.” You laugh and shake your head when he goes straight to another girl.

“He’s failing.”

“Didn’t it take you three times before I finally said yes to go on a date with you.”

“Aye that was a long time ago and we’re talking about him, not us.” Oscar smacks his lips as his fingers dig into your side.

“I’m just saying.” You giggle before turning your head so you can kiss his cheek,”You want a drink?”

“Corona please.”

“I’ll be right back.” You nod and get up so you can go in search of a cooler. You retrieve two cold bottles before making your way back and sitting back down on a awaiting Oscar.

“Thank you Chiquita.”

“You’re welcome.” You tell him before taking a sip of your drink. The rest of the night being spent socializing or forcing Oscar to occasionally dance with you.

As I close out my summer night and say good night, Its time to put the top up and park it, drop it, Unplug the ground, roll up the windows and lock it, Walk into the pad and fall into bed, As she lays on my chest to rest her sleepy head

“Tonight was fun.” You tell Oscar sleepily as you lay on top of him, now dressed in one of his t-shirts.

“It was good seeing the whole neighborhood click up like that.”

“Yeah...Summers the best.” You hiccup,”I might still be a little tipsy. Just a little.”

“I could have told you that after your fourth beer mami. I thought I was going to have to carry you out of the party.” He laughs as he lazily rubs your back.

“You should have carried me anyway, queens shouldn’t have to walk.” You laugh softly,”Am I a queen?”

“Mi reina.” Oscar reassures you with a kiss to the top of your head

“Good answer.” You yawn as your eyes flutter close,”I love summer.”

“Me too, I love summer nights with you the most though.” He admits,”Go to sleep mami, we’ll continue the party tomorrow.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.” He nods, holding your body to his until you’ve fallen into a deep slumber and he’s done the same. The first night of Summer taking a toll on the both of you, luckily you guys still had three more months left of it to enjoy.

[slashingdisneypasta]

MultiVillain x Reader || Drabbles

Plot: Okay, so this is how it goes. Reader’s in love with (Villain), and (Villain) is in love with them… but no one ever said it out loud, and now Reader is marrying someone else.

Includes: Napoleon Boneparte (Misc), Human!Oogie Boogie (Disney Villain), Oswald Cobblepot (Gotham), Slenderman (Creepypasta), The Clown (Horror Villains)

Warnings: Alcohol intake, talk and hints towards murder of course, and swearing. 

Notes:

Inspired by ‘Marry Me’ (Either by Thomas Rhett [The guy’s POV which is what this will be in] or Elle Mears [Your POV, if you wanna see how Reader’s thinking]) and I recommend you listen while you read! ^^

I’m so happy!! I finally wrote something more then headcanons for Oogie! And this is also my first time writing for the Clown, so be easy on me XD

I hope you like this- I for one, am actually pretty proud of it! 

~~~

Napoleon Boneparte (You’re having a nighttime wedding- you made this decision of course so your friend and secret soulmate could attend):

She wants to get married, she wants it perfect She wants her grandaddy preaching the service Yeah, she wants magnolias out in the country Not too many people, save her daddy some money

Before walking into the church, I halt a moment at the side so others may get inside by me. This will be hard. I need a moment, just a moment… to pull myself together. It would be very bad, if I were to panic as Y/N makes their way down the aisle.

Hand on the church, more to hold myself together rather then to hold myself up. Am I doing the right thing? Should I be here? Should I leave? That stupid Capone said I might not be able to control myself and will object when the preacher asks… he’s not right, is he? It’s true, I don’t feel entirely under my own control right now…. But I need to be here. To support Y/N on their big day.

… I do love them, far more than any man every should a nearly married person, and even if I can’t have them for myself, I would, happy, do very near anything to make them happy.

So, if… If they want me here, as they said they do… Then I have to go in. I can’t chicken out now. I am the great Napoleon Boneparte. I can attend a wedding. Bon dieu.

Viva La France.

I can do this.

Forward!

As soon as I walk in, it is as if I am strolling into Y/N’s mind. This is just as they always wanted, with a few obvious added things by the other one that’s getting married today, like the chiselled cat head mahogany chairs… not that I think Y/N would disapprove if they weren’t, in fact, kind enough to just agree right away, seeing as it isn’t only their day.

The white makes a beautiful backdrop for their chosen accent colour, and the people in the room are exactly who I would imagine to accompany Y/N in her daily life, when I cannot be there. There’s not a sour, or in any way unexcited and unencouraging expression in the place.

Honestly, with my whole heart, wish I could feel the same as them.

Then Y/N comes into the room, and steals the breath right out of my chest. Like always.

Human!Oogie Boogie:

Ooh, she got it all planned out Yeah, I can see it all right now

I'll wear my black suit, black tie, hide out in the back I'll do a strong shot of whiskey straight out the flask

Christ, what kinda shindig is this?? I’ve asked everyone and their cat, including somebodies’ mother who looks like a cat, to play a tiny game of Blackjack with me while we wait for the main event, but nothing! Nada! What’s wrong with these people? Are they dying to just sit around and contemplate their loneliness until the two hosts get hitched??

I, for one, am not playing that game today.

Of course, I’m also avoiding Y/N at all costs so maybe I’m not the best example of a man controlling his emotions.

“Oogie!”

My shoulders seize up visibly, at Y/N’s voice behind me and I stop shuffling my cards. I only decide to turn around and face them like a man, when they give up waiting and round me so I can see their beaming face.

Oh, they look so happy.

That’s nice… in a terrible, heartbreaking, awful kind of way.

“Heya, Y/N. You look great!” I start shuffling the cards again in my hand, distracting my hands from and refraining myself from, taking their hand and kissing it, or pulling them into a hug. If I did that, I think theirs an acute possibility I would end up saying something we would both regret, in a moment of determination… and devastation, of course. Can’t forget that.

Really, I can’t. It’s a very prominent feeling right now in my chest, just being here. Just knowing this is happening.

“Thank you!” They beam wider, and oh Jesus. They’re so beautiful when they look happy- I wish I could make them this happy.

… But that’s all the other guy. The one they’re hitching.

They run their bottom lip through their teeth, looking down at the cards in my hands and then smirking in that mischievous way that always somehow makes this blackheart’s insides clench up. In a good way, but still. Tilting their head, they look back up at my face. “Had no luck getting anyone to bet with you yet?”

I let out a deep, theatrical sigh full of frustration. “No! Your guests all suck, Y/N.”

“Even you?”

“No, not me. I’m the King.”

“Right,” They laugh, then goes and sits down at a nearby table. “Well we have 10 minutes until I have to go get ready to walk- I’ll play you if you want!”

My heart pops like a balloon, and goes flying, wheezing around in my rib cage as I just smile at them for a good moment- unmarried, and free, and mine. For ten to fifteen more minutes. Hell yeah, I’m going to sit down and play with them.

Why aren’t I telling them not to? I wonder, as I deal us both cards and they pick theirs up and make cheeky ‘Hmmm’ sounds to throw me off. Why don’t I tell them, right now, how I feel? Why am I doing this to myself? Why am I here, is also a valid question but I already beat myself up over that last night when I was picking out my tie. I’m her friend, and they deserve to be… yuck. Happy, with the person they chose.

And I guess, that’s the answer to all my other questions too.

Let me just enjoy this last game, this last 600 seconds with them.

Oswald Cobblepot:

I remember the night when I almost kissed her Yeah, I kinda freaked out, we'd been friends for forever And I always wondered if she felt the same way When I got the invite, I knew it was too late

And I know her daddy's been dreading this day Oh, but he don't know he ain't the only one giving her away

As soon as Y/N leaves my side to go and freshen up for the aisle walk, I find myself a seat in the very back of the church / auditorium and rest in for the event. I will not be moving from this hidden away spot, in convenient shadow, with my secret flask of terrible smelling stuff that Victor gave me before arriving, until this shitshow is over and I can leave.

I’m only here in the first place, because Y/N asked me. And, evidently, my idiocy runs deep because I accepted such an invitation. I will do anything, for them. I learnt my lesson in dealing in peoples love lives, with Edward and Isobel- I will not let my relationship with Y/N go as badly as that one did, with Ed.

So if I must sit here and watch them marry that moron, (Fiancé’s Name), then that is what I’ll do. But I won’t sit in the front and watch it, and I will be as drunk as whatever this drink can make me.

Maybe I should text Victor, the deadly assassin, and ask what the contaminants are…

An unevolved, ap-like woman walks past my seat and I must be too close to the aisle because I can hear her yap like a strangled cat about what a cute couple Y/N and (Fiancé’s Name) are together and how they must be soulmates, and I don’t think twice before gulping down a huge mouthful of the alcohol. If this is how I die, then so be it, I think bitterly as I slide further down the aisle.

“Fuck!” The word comes out of me before I can stop it, my face probably the picture of horror and disgust. This… drink, if I can even call it that -more of an undiluted acid, if you ask me, - tastes like regret and earwax.

The same ape-like woman from before flashes a stern, disapproving look at me like she thinks she’s my mother, and I show her my middle finger. Uncouth, yes, but affective. This is a bad day, and I am in no mood to deal with bitches like her. She quickly looks away, and I take another, smaller, sip of the drink.

Another moment passes and the wedding doesn’t seem to be even a second closer to ending, so I sit up straight and close my eyes, holding the flask in my lap. Take me back to a better time…

In the silent, middle-of-the-conversation lapse moment, I allow myself to look down at Y/N’s mouth. They have a soft smile, left over from whatever we were just talking about, on their face as they sit comfortably in our silence and I suddenly feel total confidence. They’re here, with me, instead of off with that boy toy / girl toy / gender neutral or fluid toy. They’re with me. That must mean that I mean something to them, right? And Ed said they looked at me like… like, they love me. Or ‘care deeply’, as he put it. But we all know that was just his stiff version of the word ‘love’. Ever since Isobel… had her unfortunate accident… he’s been focused on one emotion only and it is not, love.

Anyway, the confidence spreads through me and I smile. It mixes with my perpetual desire to kiss them, and goddamnit, I should do it. I should just lean over and press a gentle kiss on their mouth- if they aren’t interested or pull away, I can blame it on the wine between us. If not…

Butterflies erupt in my stomach and my chest, and I’ve just lean an inch forward… when their phone rings on the table and I see (Boyfriends Name) flash on the screen.

I rush to lean completely back in my chair, as they answer. I don’t like to believe fate has anything to do with Gotham, but… that was entirely too close.

My eyes snap open and I roll my shoulders back, inhaling another, bigger slug of the contents of the flask and feel even angrier.

That was, most certainly not a better time, you nitwit.

Slenderman:

Bet she got on her dress now, welcoming the guests now

I could try to find her, get it off of my chest now But I ain't gonna mess it up, so I'll wish her the best now

I’ve been sitting in the back of this church, a place I likely shouldn’t ever enter in the first place -Well, at least I’m not Offender. I would probably burn to death, in that scenario, - for over 2 hours and I only got to see Y/N for 45 and a half minutes of that time.

Not that that really matters. Its more important that they see me. I certainly don’t want to see them. I don’t wish to see them, or their wedding clothes, or their wedding guests, or the stupid moony smiles on their faces, or the cake, or their partner. Definitely not their partner. If they show their face before they absolutely have to, or worse, talk to me, I will promptly go home and kill 30 people. I don’t want to be here.

I shouldn’t be here, in fact. If I were a good man, I wouldn’t be here. A good man would never turn up to a wedding that he know’s he’s just going to sit back in and think unholy, too-fond and too-angry thoughts about one of the marriage participants. Marriage is supposedly a sacred thing, and if I were this good man that I’m thinking about, I wouldn’t urinate on it like this.

But I am not a good man.

So, really, what would I know about what a good man, would do in the first place?

Enough thinking about good men, it’s making me queasy and very uncomfortable.

I don’t look around, but I can infer with general certainty, that Y/N will be welcoming all her other guests now that I ‘allowed’ -Not that I could have stopped them. They just didn’t want to leave me in my own company,- them to let me be alone here. And they’re in their wedding clothes, which look lovely on them, and their smiling and their giddy.

Giddy. Ugh, I hate that word, especially in this sense. Defined by the Cambridge English Dictionary as ‘feeling silly, happy, and excited and showing this in your behaviour’. And by the Oxford, to ‘Make (Someone) feel excited to the point of disorientation.’. Yes, I looked up these definitions and memorised them before I came, and loathe every single word, in that order.

Because apparently, as if it wasn’t already obvious by the very fact that I’m HERE, I hate myself.

This other person has made Y/N giddy, while I have to sit here and pretend, I’m happy for them both and that I don’t feel like vomiting for the first time in 5 centuries.

But I can’t do anything about it, because I love them, Y/N, and I will… I will not, allow myself to be the reason their wedding wasn’t perfect. So, I wish them the best.

Or I try my damn hardest to.

The Clown / Jeffry Hawk / Kenneth Chase:

So I'm in my black suit, black tie, hiding out in the back Doing a strong shot of whiskey straight out the flask I'll try to make it through without crying so nobody sees Yeah, she wanna get married Yeah, she gonna get married But she ain't gonna marry me

I don’t know if I’d call this a real wedding. For one, its in the entities realm so how ‘magical’ could it really be? And for another reason, the only white thing here is my grease paint. Its pretty laughable. I would laugh, in fact, if I didn’t know it would cause a coughing fit and bring attention to me as Y/N walks down the aisle- O don’t need them looking at me. I might accidentally blurt out an ‘oopsie’ or something not-at-all funny like that, with all the whiskey I’ve injected today. Not that that would be the biggest issue with these kids seeing that I’m here, in the first place. Only Y/N knows, I’m hiding by a tree.  

But, I digress I guess. They’re calling it a wedding. The big one with the beard is officiating -I guess he has an online certificate from before he was brought here,- , Y/N’s wearing a pit of plastic bag on their head like a make shift veil / bit of plastic bag fashioned sort of like a tie, and all the lovely little fingers, or survivors as they like to call themselves, watch. With silly gleaming smiles and hope in their eyes- Pft, suckers.

Honestly the idea of weddings in the first place make me a bit uncomfortable. All those wide eyes watching and perving on your happiness?? Seems pretty creepy to me, and I’ve been told I’m pretty creepy myself! So, I would know!

The fact that possibly the sweetest, perfect person I’ve ever had the pleasure of setting my gaze upon is the one getting married, has absolutely no stake on my take on weddings in this moment.

Absolutely not…

Aha… hahahaha…

I kill myself.

I kill them, too, but let’s put that on the backburner like their fingers, for now.

Let me wallow in self-pity for a while longer before we start making jokes.

Yeah, let me… I take a swig of my flask -a bee-oootiful concoction of all the most toxic hootch I have in my collection, and maybe also some actual poison maybe since I wasn’t paying much attention when I created it this morning and I keep it all in relatively the same place, - and savour the horrible flavour on my tongue. Let me wallow, for a little bit.

This is going to be a bad day, for these little fuckers when I get into the game.

[keelywolfe]

FIC: Situation Normal (baon)

Summary: This wasn’t at all what Stretch expected from a simple knock at the door.

Tags: Spicyhoney, Established Relationships, Angst, Brotherly Bonding, Hurt/Comfort

Notes: Why let the Fell brothers have all the fun? The Swap bros deserve a chance.

Part of the ‘by any other name’ series.

~~*~~

Read it on AO3

or

Read it here!

~~*~~

The knock on the door wasn’t exactly ominous or anything. People did stop over to the house from time to time during the day, actual adults, even, not just the neighborhood kiddos. Undyne, Toriel, even Alphys sometimes although that was usually for her to run a test and boy, howdy, was Stretch loving a chance to play test subject in his own living room.

He suspected Edge and Alphys thought they were being kind by keeping him out of the lab, so he was gritting his teeth and bearing it, but damn, guys, no.

Anyway.

Stretch was perfectly capable of playing host to anyone who stopped by, thanks. Especially if there were some of Edge’s cookies to plate up for the latest gossip sesh; he might not have Red’s little network of spies, but Tori hopped up on coffee and sugar always had some tasty dirty laundry to share.

But having a brisk knock interrupt his nap wasn’t exactly putting him in the mood to pull out the cookie tray.

Stretch dragged himself upright with a yawn, kicking the blanket back towards the sofa. It clung stubbornly to one foot, resisting his attempts to get free until he shook his foot hard, almost falling as it finally let him loose.

The knock came again, harder, and Stretch groaned, scratching at his pelvis as he wandered to the door. It took him two tries to unlock it, because of course it was locked, Edge would sooner leave the house without his skull attached before he’d leave Stretch in an unlocked house. It clicked on the second attempt, the door swinging open to reveal his brother, beaming up at him with starry eye lights.

“bro?” Stretch said, sleepily confused. He scrubbed at his face with the back of his hand, trying to wake up enough to go through his mental calendar. It wasn’t their normal day to have lunch, they hadn’t made any plans, so what was…?

“Good morning!” Blue chirped crisply. He pushed past Stretch into the house, wiping his feet in the door rug.

“well, hey, come on in,” Stretch said dryly, biting back another yawn and closing the door after him.

“Thank you, I will. Glad to see you’re enjoying the lovely fall morning!” It was just this side of snarky and that made Stretch grin. Far too many people saw his brother as endlessly sweet, maybe even a little naïve. Stretch knew better, thanks, his bro could be a shit when he wanted and today looked like one of those days.

Blue stood with his hands perched on his hips, surveying the room. Probably taking in the crumpled blanket on the sofa, the half-full coffee cup thankfully set on a coaster. That first moment Blue came in always felt like one of Judgement, his brother looking at their home and deciding its worthiness.

It prickled a little, every time, but Stretch wasn’t sure how to quantify it. If he said something, Blue would probably say he was imagining things. He might not even be wrong, who the hell knew, but it was how Stretch felt, damn it.

Whatever he saw, Blue seemed to deem it worthy. He turned back to Stretch, his starry eyes lights sparkling and said with mock sternness, “I’m hurt, here I am, an uncle, and I haven’t met my chicken nieces.”

“haven’t you?” Stretch said, surprised. He wracked his memories, but yeah, that seemed possible. Any time he’d been sick or otherwise indisposed, Stretch asked Papyrus to take care of the ladies for him, a task he managed with great enthusiasm and probably volume. Not that he didn’t trust his bro, but when Stretch was in the hospital, Blue tended to be there. Any other time it was a habit to call Papyrus as a chicken-sitter was all. “guess you haven’t. sorry, bro, must be agony for you.”

“Terribly hurt,” Blue said solemnly. “Deep inside, except we don’t have any insides because we’re skeletons.”

Stretch snorted. “yeah, bro, and you can’t play an instrument in church cause you’ve got no organs. come on, i fed them earlier, they should be ready for some attention.”

His sweatshirt was a heavy one, but it was pretty chilly out despite the sunshine, so Stretch pulled a jacket out from the closet and slid it on.

“Papy, a hat!” Blue scolded.

“it’s not that cold, i’m fine, bro.” Except for a sudden itch for a cigarette. Stretch ignored it, stepping into his untied sneakers and leading his grumbling brother out the back door. He had a pack upstairs but smoking in front of Blue wasn’t going to be worth the lecture.

The chickens were out in the little fenced yard of their coop and they perked up eagerly at the sight of skeletons and possibility of scritches. They barely waited for him to open the gate, already gabbling. Stretch sat down right on the ground in the fallen leaves, ignoring the dampness creeping through his jeans and laughing as all three of them made a beeline to him.

“So you’re the ones who’ve been making the eggs Papy brings me.” Blue didn’t sit on the ground, crouching instead. His first hesitant stroke over Dumpling’s vibrant feathers firmed as she immediately saw potential for extra affection and turned his way. Blue laughed softly as Nugget jealously pushed in close, trying to impose herself between her flock mate and Blue’s hand. “They’re very friendly, aren’t they. When you first told me about them, I wondered what Edge was thinking, giving you chickens, but they seem like nice pets.”

“guess it is a little odd,” Stretch shrugged a little. Noodle was happy to have his complete attention and he patted her fondly. “but they work for us. not like i was getting a kitten anytime soon.”

Blue didn’t usually care for reminders of Stretch’s little issues, but to his surprise, his brother smiled, a touch sadly, “No, those go to Red, don’t they. I would have thought him more unlikely than you to take on a cat.”

“heh, i think cats suit him just fine.” Matching teeth, Stretch thought with a private shudder. “edge says he’s taking good care of the fuzzball.”

“I’m sure he does—“ before Stretch could parse his brother’s tone, Noodle decided she’d had enough of being ignored by the newcomer and hopped onto Blue’s knee. Her weight was enough to knock him off-balance and he yelped as he fell back into the leaves with Stretch, laughing as Noodle immediately clambered onto his chest to inspect him more thoroughly. Two more chickens joined her and Blue giggled as the three of them walked over him with their scaly little chicken feet.

“heh, looks like they like you.” Stretch reached over to take Nugget before she could settle on Blue’s skull as if it were a giant egg. She settled into his lap amicably enough, crooning blissfully as he smoothed her feathers. ”they like edge, too. try to hop all over him whenever he’s out here.”

Blue shooed the other two brats down enough for him to sit up. “And he allows that?”

Yeah, there was that tone again and this time Stretch frowned. “what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Not a thing.” As if his sudden breeziness was going to fool his own brother? “I’m only surprised, is all.”

Stretch sighed, rubbing a thumb beneath Nugget’s little chin. If he could thank his therapy for anything, it was he’d learned that trying to dance around a subject only worked if your partner was willing to boogie. And he definitely wasn’t, not about Edge. “you know, you and edge used to be good friends.”

He could see the surprise in his brother’s face, quickly masked as he said, “We’re still friends.”

“no offense, bro, but you sound as friendly as the bubonic plague. i mean it, you two used to hang out, cook together, do your stitch and bitch,” and when Blue opened his mouth to object, Stretch didn’t stop. “don’t try to tell me you both are busy or some shit. you used to be tight, so what happened?”

A kaleidoscope of emotion crossed his face and what it settled on was not one he easily recognized, not on his brother. “Our friendship was a little disrupted when he crushed my brother’s heart and yet somehow still managed to convince you to go back to him, anyway.”

Stretch could feel his own mouth dropping open because what the fuck? “okay, leaving aside that it was none of your business even then, that was years ago. we had a rocky start, yeah, but we’ve been together for a while and we’re married. why the fuck are you bringing that up for now, sans?” And it felt odd, calling his brother by his real name. Stretch couldn’t remember the last time he’d done it and he wondered how it felt for him to hear it. From the way his shoulders hunched, maybe nothing good. “mind telling me what’s going on, little brother?”

That was a deliberate goad. Blue seemed to forget sometimes that Stretch was the damn older brother and he’d managed pretty well when they were younger, back before…well. Before everything. Going through a bad patch didn’t mean he lost older bro privileges forever.

“Nothing is going on,” Blue said hurriedly. He swallowed, too hard, like the taste of it was bitter. “I’m sorry I brought it up, brother, you know very well I’m happy for you. I wouldn’t have stood up at your wedding if I wasn’t.”

Stretch was starting to wonder about that, but anything he might have said went winging out of his head at the first tear that fell from Blue’s socket, trailing down his cheekbone. He watched dumbly as it ran down his jaw, hanging from his chin in a translucent jewel of magic before falling to splash on Noodle, disappearing into her feathers.

Okay, fuck this. Stretch pushed Nugget off his lap, ignoring her outraged squawk, and grabbed his brother, hauling him into his lap despite the protests of the other two chickens. That turned the waterworks on full-force and Blue clung to him, sweatshirt fisted in both hands as he buried his face into Stretch’s chest and wailed like he hadn’t since he was a child.

His brother’s weight wasn’t exactly insubstantial, he was short but he was damn solid. Stretch didn’t give a shit, ignoring his protesting femurs and joints as he held his brother close, rocking him gently. He didn’t know what was wrong, but he knew how to handle this, even if it’d been years since he’d done it.

He hummed softly, as automatic as breathing, a wordless song of comfort that hadn’t changed since Blue, Sans, had been so much smaller, his starry eye lights eager, ready to join the guard and capture a Human.

Yeah, maybe that was a memory best forgotten.

Slowly Blue’s sobs eased into hiccoughs and all too soon he drew away, his face drenched in teary magic. Stretch wiped it away with his sleeve like he had when Blue was only a baby bones, drying his cheek bones. It sent a fresh wash of them down, Blue’s eye lights shrunken to dots as he looked up at Stretch.

“I miss you,” Blue blurted suddenly. He choked out another sob, trying to stifle the tears that kept falling. “I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t, but I do! I miss waking up and seeing you, I miss coming home and not having you there! It’s so selfish of me, I should be used to it by now, but I miss you, Papy!”

“sans…” Stretch whispered, shocked to his marrow. He didn’t even know what to say. Blue was cringing miserably, like he expected him to be mad, but how could he be? Blue wasn’t wrong, not at all; when he’d started dating Edge, they’d gone from mornings and nights together to not so much, and when he’d moved out, it was even less. They had lunch together once a week and Stretch stopped in more often now that Jeff was living there, but. He grabbed hold of his brother’s shoulders, hauling him in for a tight hug.“i’m so sorry, kiddo. i didn’t mean to abandon you like that.”

“You didn’t,” Blue said with some asperity and wasn’t that his bro all the way, trying to protect him, even from himself. He drew back and scrubbed at his face with a hanky he’d pulled from his inventory. “You didn’t, Papy. You were sad for so long and I suppose I got used to taking care of you. I told you I was being selfish and I am. You were finding yourself and I wanted to hold you back.”

“you didn’t, though.” Stretch scrubbed his knuckles lightly over Blue’s skull. His brother’s grin was watery, but he leaned into the touch.

“I hope I didn’t. I didn’t mean to spring this on you either, only—“ his sigh was deeply conflicted. “Jeff won’t be staying with me long, I think. He and Antwan seem to have gotten over whatever was troubling them and he’s so very happy. Like you were right before you moved in with Edge. I am happy for him, truly. I suppose I was only enjoying having someone living with me again.”

Well, that was a concoction of happy and shitty, wasn’t it, and not a problem Stretch really knew how to fix. Wasn’t like he could put out an ad for ‘Roommate wanted. Must allow mama bear-ing and be willing to eat pasta. No smokers.’

Blue stood up, dusting leaves away briskly. “It’s all right, brother, it’s my problem to deal with.” He grimaced, a trace of shame crossing his face. “Please don’t tell Edge what I said? It was unkind and he doesn’t deserve that.”

“tell you what, i’ll keep mum if you come over for dinner tonight.” Edge wouldn’t mind and if he did, well, Stretch would remind him of Red’s invite earlier that week. If he could do chili dogs with the gremlin, Edge could manage playing nice with Blue. Probably wouldn’t need to manage if they got to talking about recipes.

But Blue only looked unhappy at the offer. “I didn’t mean to make you feel bad, Papy. I really shouldn’t have said anything.”

Yeah, that wasn’t gonna fly. “come over,” Stretch insisted, “bring andy and antwan. c’mon, mettaton has a new special tonight, right?” mettaton was no napstatton but he could see Blue wavering and he added the kicker, coaxingly, “i heard it’s a musical.”

That stitched it. Blue glanced down at Noodle, who was inspecting his shoelaces in hopes of finding a wormy snack, then said uncertainly, “If you think Edge won’t mind…?”

“he won’t,” Stretch said firmly. Or if he did, he wouldn’t say. Stretch wasn’t a bad host but Edge would put Martha Stewart to shame when he wanted.

His smile wasn’t quite the starry happiness that Stretch lived to see in him, but it was hella better than crying. “Okay, then, I will. Let me go home and clean up, and I’ll come back over tonight.”

“sounds good, bro.” Before Blue walked off, Stretch caught his arm, hauling him in for another tight hug. Blue returned it with equal ferocity, clinging for a long, long moment. Then he let go, offering a happier smile, and went out the gate to the front.

The second he was gone, Stretch took a shortcut upstairs, then right back down, cigarettes in hand. The tip wavered as he tried to light it and Stretch had to chase it with the lighter flames til it caught, breathing in a cloud of nicotine-laced smoke. He smoked the whole thing, then lit another before he texted Edge.

okay if my bro comes for dinner tonight?

The reply was almost immediate. Of course. I’ll text him and see if he’d like to bring an appetizer.

His soul constricted in his chest, so filled with love that it ached. Because Blue would be happier if he could contribute and Edge knew it, and wasn’t that Edge all the way? Even if his friendship with Blue got sort of derailed by their relationship, Edge never hesitated to be kind.

Fuck, but Stretch loved him so much.

But he only sent a thumbs up emoticon back along with a string of hearts before dropping his phone back into his pocket and focusing on the task at hand. Namely smoking half this pack before going in to scrub down so no one would be able to smell it.

He’d fucked up, fucked up bad, Stretch thought grimly. Made his brother feel abandoned level of fucked up, yeah, that was par for his course. Didn’t mean he couldn’t do better, damn it, and if he felt like shit about it, well, time for damage control.

He wasn’t stuck in a revolving door of resets anymore and his brother deserved to be happy, too. They’d figure it out, he was sure of it.

But after his third cigarette, he went ahead and sent a text to his therapist’s office to set up an extra appointment this week.

Somehow, he got the feeling he was gonna need a chance to talk.

-finis-

[nerve-ous-love]

hi!! you and your f/os are wonderful! share whatever you'd like about your relationships with them 👀👀 i hope you have a wonderful day!

;0; thank you so much!! You're so sweet,,, I hope you have an amazing day too!

I'm gonna use this as a big list of relationship headcanons for everyone!

VIRGIL

-virge and I were the first to get together and we've been together the longest

-our ship name is v^2 because we have the same name! Were too powerful and we must be stopped

-we don't use too many petnames but common ones are love, darling etc

-adding onto that, the only joking nicknames we use are sometimes he'll call me 'verge with an e' and ill call him 'virge with an i'

-we were best friends before we got together, we realized our feelings might be romantic when someone *coughcoughroman* made a joke in passing about how we act like a couple

-cue 100k word, friends to lovers, slowburn, pining fic 👌

-all in all, very soft dynamic, were super sweet to each other and just super casual, our favorite activities are just vibing

REMUS

-remus and I got together a while after virge and I

-he jokingly brought up a poly relationship to us a few times and I was like oh no Feelings, virge and I had a long talk which ended with us agreeing that he's okay if I wanna be with remus and he's not

-the rest, as they say, is history

-anyway our dynamic is fantastic, idiot x opposite kind of idiot

-we do a lot of stupid, impulsive things together like daring each other to drink hot sauce and climbing on unstable surfaces

-he likes to pick me up bcus I am Extremely Small. its not uncommon for him to come barreling into a room flinging me around like a sack of potatoes and I am Completely Fine with this. Everyone else watches on in horror

-we go to each other when we have Bad Time Thoughts, we can provide safe distractions for each other and cuddles

JANUS

-janus was the last to join our little polycule, he was already with remus and was Not Shy with his flirting

-this was after virge and the others made peace with each other but there was a little bit of unintentional competition at first

-everything eventually mellowed out and somehow we all dissolved into a big poly puddle

-our dynamic can best be described as him watching me fuck shit up and be stupid and theN stepping in to help me

-he likes it when I hang off his arm, also very into hand kisses, PDA is always to either flex or fluster me

-very good dynamic, super sweet, pretty much opposites attract scenario, seems kinda distant but just shows his love in a unique way

Roman

-I said this in an ask before buT basically the sparknotes version is we both thought the other liked us in a romantic sense, he asked me out on a date that was very awkward on both ends, I spilled and said I thought my feelings were queer platonic, he was curious and we decided that worked best for us!

-were very supportive of each other, if we hear the other talking down on themselves its all over for u bitches aggressive loving time

-anyone who didn't know us would probably think were dating, there's lots of big, over the top, dramatic flirting. I'm talking full on swept off my feet, dramatic declarations of love that last several minutes but it works for us and is totally platonic

-were pretty much a vaudeville comedy duo

-amazing best friend material

-he was really understanding and supportive of me when a qpr I had been in for a while ended, we got together around that time and he was very gentle in asking if the wound was too fresh to continue a relationship, and said he'd wait for me in which I cried and we hugged and I told him it's cool and that he's so worth it and cue more crying and cuddles

PATTON

- you are my daaaad! You're my dad! Boogie woogie woogie

-Patton had been calling me his kid long before virge and I got together, he probably thought we were together long before we actually were since we've been close for a long time

-he's very sweet and loving towards me!

-one day he said he was proud of me and I actually started crying and after the obligatory comfort, I told him I didn't hear that a lot growing up and now he says it all the time

-he absolutely puts my art on his fridge... yes he'll print out digital art to put on the fridge with my favorite cat magnet

-we bake together!! Its our favorite thing to do! He helped me get the meringue right for my japanese souffle pancakes and now they're everyone's favorite breakfast. There's never a shortage of second cookies with both of us around

-his dad hugs are the besT, sometimes when I'm going nonverbal he'll just let me curl up on his lap and he'll hum to me and play with my hair til I calm down

LOGAN

-nerd buddies!! We play pokemon together !! And give each other book recs

-well also read Shakespeare together, I'm a firm believer that its best understood when read aloud so well do readings together! We're both fond of twelfth night

-sometimes well go star gazing! He'll point out constilations until one of us falls asleep

-we like watching blue planet together

-I love sharks so one year for my birthday he got me a shark info book and I almost cried it was amazing (i got him an astrology and a psych book for him in return)

-he's an amazing friend who gives great advice and it very nice to be around! I love him a lot ;_;

~~if your seeing this, thank you so much for reading this far ♡ I love you I hope you enjoyed this long long long info dump♡♡~~

[r3b3lgrrrrrrrl]

A LunaTic and her Gunn (Part 88) "Bad Kids"

@creatureofthen1ght-v3

@lovemythsworld

@crystalbaby12

"FUCK!! What day is it?" Luna asks as she lifts her face after railing another line of 30's.

"Thursday..?" Colson answers her, confused.

"Time?" She asks to his 542P. "Motherfucker..." Luna mutters.

Colson asks What's Up as she lights a joint. Luna missed her therapy session scheduled at 5P, she explains with a sigh.

Taking a moment to call Kylie. Luna assures her, she simply forgot and isn't MIA. She watches Colson snort a long line of Adderall while she's on the phone, puffing on the joint.

Once she's ended the call, she passes it to him as they get dressed. Both in all black. Colson in a black T, black jeans and his Vans. Luna in an oversized, long sleeve black T. Large enough to wear as a dress. Under, she has on sheer black stockings and tight, black spandex shorts. Her Docs, jewelry and a purple lip finishing off her look.

"You're gonna skate in that?" Colson questions her attire.

"Watch me." She replies with a smirk.

"Oh, I fucking will." He grins.

Throwing her school bag of goodies on his back. Colson grabs Luna's ass and their jackets as they head out of their suite.

-------------------------------------------------

The bar at The Ambassador is empty.

Until The Ten of Them pile inside. Loud and rowdy as usual. Taking up the entire wooden row of the bar.

They order drinks as they wait for their table at the Reserve Lounge inside the hotel. An Old Fashioned for Luna and a Heineken for Colson.

Grinning, he whispers into her ear. "You still taste better."

Luna shakes her head with a light laugh. Cheeks turning pink.

"I WANT a ribeye with fried onions and mushrooms. And a fucking baked potato. I don't give a FUCK about anything else." Sam states.

She's sitting to Luna's left, while Colson's on her right. Baze, who's next to Sam, leans up on the bar to look down at Luna.

"Bro. I think your girl's my twin." He laughs. Looking at Sam, then at Luna, finally back at Sam. "We gonna fuck up some beef TONIGHT!! He laughs again as he lifts his drink to Sam's agreement.

"Who we fucking up?" Slim hollers from the other end of the bar.

"BEEF!!!" Sam and Baze shout in unison.

Erupting them both into laughter along with Colson and Luna.

Luna gives her friend a Lil Look. Sam can get along with everyone. Same as she can hold her own against anyone. Being taken advantage by no one. Sam's never been about that Relationship Life. Knowing her friend too well, Luna can read her better then her favorite book. There's a LoveBuzz happening at the bar. Luna reading the signs before Sam can even write them herself.

Luna glances over at Colson. He catches the glimmer in her eye. They both cheese at the idea of their friends together. With no words said. Just One Look.

-------------------------------------------------

Once sat, they continue to converse loudly. The Ten of Them having no volume control. With more drinks and appetizers ordered, they're even louder. And so out of place.

Their server asking his Front of the House manager to watch them. Unaware of who they are and sure of the likelihood that they're gonna Dine N Dash. Feeling dumb upon his boss's explanation. 

"I don't know how to skate..." Ashleigh complains after they order.

She's one of three. Benny, nor Bullet grind either. AJ being an undercover SkaterBoy to Luna's unknown intrigue.

"There's one of those Rent-A-Bike stations in front." Rook chimes in.

"You want MY ass on a BIKE!??" Benny asks in disbelief.

"Weeble Wobbles Weeble but they don't fall down!" Luna grins at her friend from across their dinner table.

Benny laughs. He adores Luna, he has since that night at the strip club. He fears her too. Being from NYC also, he knows what she's connected to.... And fully aware of what she's capable of on her own.

"Ya gonna catch me Brooklyn, if I weeble too far?" Benny teases.

"Fucken' right, Benz." Luna grins at him, arms open wide.

Somehow, he knows that although he's the bodyguard and Luna's tiny as fuck. THAT Brooklyn Bitch would have him should ANYTHING erupt. It's who she is.

"We riden!!!" Benny shouts to Bullet's complete bemusement.

Bullet doesn't know Luna. He thinks he likes her but he's not sure, not having any experience to trust her. Irritated with Benny, he eats his steak and sips his wine.

The Other Nine of Them are as happy as fat clams. Engaged, boisterous and fully enjoying each other. Filling their bellies with food before The Magic.

Bullet doesn't know yet.... But he will.

-------------------------------------------------

After a paid for dinner and proper tip, they head to The Bus.

Climbing on, all of them bursting with delicious goodness. Passing eight joints between The Ten of Them, they settle their bellies easily. All full. All sighing.

Sam pops up first. That Bitch wants them slushies.

Scooping the WHOLE jar, all Ten of Them wind up with full solo cups of Magic. Like fucking water ice. Sam handing out a plastic spoon with each of their solo cup treats.

"I shouldn't eat this...." Bullet confides in Benny.

"You won't survive this night if you don't." Benny reassures him as he takes a bite of sweet, delicious Magic Slushies.

Poor Bullet. He thinks he knows... But he has no idea.

-------------------------------------------------

Splitting from The Bus, they head over to the Light District on boards and bikes. Obliging Ashleigh's one request.

"It's FUCKING closed!!???!!!" She shouts in frustration.

Kansas City's Light District closes at 5P. What THE fuck kinda shit is that?? Seriously... Why?

Ashleigh's really upset. All agreeing with her that It's Bullshit.

Luna asking her if she'd like Her to Burn it Down.

Ashleigh answers with a laughing and adoring NO. The Magic of Wild Mushrooms creeping around her brain. She appreciates Luna's brass love for her, but Ashleigh isn't violent. Never has been.

"Let's find somewhere else." She coaxes her defender as she climbs back on her rented bike.

--------------------------------------------------

Rolling through Kansas City, they're tripping their BALLS and PUSSIES off. Colors are streaking. Bodies are loose. The school bag packed with water instead of alcohol. Luna handing off bottles to everyone's gratitude.l

Lighting a joint as they roll through Kansas City. Luna passes it to Sam. Colson has his own lit. Passing it to Slim.

Firing another, Luna slows her pace. Riding beside Bullet, she grins. Hitting it multiple times before she speaks...

"I'm not THAT bad. I promise." A wink and grin following her words as she passes him the joint before pushing off to fly past him.

-------------------------------------------------

"Fuck you ain't...." Bullet thinks as she passes him. Amused by the tiny blonde girl and her wild punch.

------------------------------------------------

They skate and bike around Kansas City. Watching the lights as they laugh. Passing joints and water amongst themselves as they eat their Magic Slushies.

Sliding up on a corner, Colson stops.

"Where the fuck are we?" He asks confused.

"In the Dark Pits of Hell, where we belong!!" Luna laughs, snapping his picture in the moment.

"He's so fucking beautiful." She thinks, not being able to stop her grandfather from lingering in her soul.

"C'mon Lovey!!" She shouts as they boot, scoot and boogie.

Ashleigh can't hold her shit together. Tripping balls, she doesn't know how to make the bike work anymore.

"Can we sit?" She pleads.

Always one to spot a park, Luna's on it.

"Come on, Buddy." She says, grabbing the back of Ashleigh's seat along with a handle bars.

Pushing Ashleigh along with ALL of Luna's force. There's a park ahead. The Holy Grail of her ENTIRE existence.

"We're almost there, Boo!" Luna's wide smile encourages Ashleigh's tired legs.

Hitting the park, Ashleigh drops her bike like a rock.

"Uggghhhh....." She exhales.

Luna grabs her board and Ashleigh's hand as the others arrive. She's undoubtedly Their Leader.

-------------------------------------------------

After swinging and climbing and running around the playground, they tire like little kids. Finding the perfect spot, Luna slips her bag off Colson's shoulders. Pulling out sheets as she displays them in front of their view.

All Ten of Them admire the glowing sight of Kansas City. Some standing in amazement, others sitting on the sheets in awe.

They're tripping their souls out as they stare into the sky line. Colors crossing and dancing. Bodies tingling as their third eyes see everything.

Laying and talking. The Ten of Them are curled upon the sheets, melting their faces off.

Pulling out her bag of tricks, Luna hands Colson four tennis balls to his delight. Face shining, he hops up to juggle them.

Next, she produces crayons and coloring books. Laying them out, they're grabbed by Ashleigh and Rook.

Slim finds the Nerf football. Sam jumping up for a solid toss.

Baze is stuck on the ground. Luna lighting a joint. Hitting it hard, she hands it to him.

"Fucken' Loons, Maaan..." Is all he can say in accepting pleasure.

AJ is lost in the stars on the sheets also. Magic Slushies winning. Luna handing him his own joint to his delight.

Benny is running around with Sam and Slim. Bullet still as a statue.

"Did you not drink the Kool-Aid...." Luna asks.

She had noticed his solid demeanour. Tall, strong. Relentless.

Arms crossed, he admits he had a scoop or two.

"Only a SCOOP!! BRO!!" Luna looks at him with disappointment. "We're not so crazy that you can't enjoy yourself, Sugar." Luna tries to reassure him. "I can't believe you didn't eat your slush." Luna looks at him, irritated. "What a fucking waste."

"I knooooww." Bullet sheepishly admits.

"Well, lucky YOU, Motherfucker!!" Luna grins.

She always has a secret stash. Pulling out a small container of pure mushrooms, she insists he eats them with her. NOW.

Luna's a rock when it comes to negotiating. Bullet sharing and eating the full half ounce she has stashed.

She grins as they chew. Her bright smile welcoming him into Her World.

There's a LOT going on in their group. Rook and Ashleigh are happily coloring. Slim, Sam, Benny and AJ toss the Nerf ball. Baze is still SO lost in the sky on his back.

Luna grabs Colson, dragging Baze and Bullet with them. It's football time, she calls to Benny.

"Hut!! Hut!!" Luna shouts to their colorful minds.

Their game is a ShitShow. It's hilarious to watch them toss, tumble and roll amongst themselves. None can see correctly and all of them have noodle legs.

Somehow, Luna can throw and avoid getting caught. Easily scoring a 14 to 0.

"Mothafucka, WHAT?... Mothafucka WHO??? Luna laughs.

She's never been a gracious winner. Laughing too hard.

She's caught by a "Fuuuck yooou?!!"

Along with a loving, grinning, full on body hit from Sam. They roll in the grass, wrestling and laughing. Each calling Uncle when they find themselves locked on their sides.

--------------------------------------------------

Laying in the night's sky, life comes into view. Playing Cold War Kids on one of their phones. Music drifts softly.

All Ten sprawled on sheets, they catch the beauty of Kansas City. Laying together in harmony.

Until Colson wants to take Luna away.

"Come're..." He begs

"Hmmmm..." She rolls her head up towards him.

Eyes dancing as she absorbs is face. Their colorful ensemble watching the stars like 4th graders at the Planetarium for the first time.

Colson grabs Luna's hand, pulling her out of the hype.

Yards away with only his phone, Colson holds Luna tight. She's the only one he's ever danced with outside of Casie and weird Middle School stuff. Tripping his face off, he's overwhelmed with feelings for Luna. His beloved.

In the darkness with just them two, Colson holds Luna close and firm. The lyrics to the original Swing Life Away swirl behind them. Causing Colson to hold Luna tighter then ever.

🎶Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words🎶

He sings softly, ducking his head into her ear.

She loves him. So fucking much. More then she could've ever imagined. Those blue eyes that see right into her soul. Those fingers that know every inch of her body. That heart that just fucking gets it.

Their love is fresh in her brain. Breaking her heart as her soul ignites. Believing him as sings to her that they Could Get By Just Fine on Minimum Wage.

Luna can't handle it and starts to cry. The drugs have her overwhelmed. Feelings flying everywhere. Heart dangling on her long sleeve.

"Please don't fucking die." She whimpers into Colson's chest.

He holds her as she gently sobs.

His mind is twisting too. Making him not sure of what to say. Then it pops.

"Cockroach." He states like he's answering the most important question of his life.

This stops Luna. Colson's words sliding inside her body, wrapping themself around her heart.

Feeling her sigh, he scoops her off the ground as if he's going to carry her over a threshold. With her arms draped around him, they stare into each other's trusting eyes. No words need to be said. They're the only two in the world right now. Luna strokes his cheek, as Colson leans in to kiss her.

There's a whole body explosion happening between the two of them once their lips touch. It's part drugs but mostly insatiable love.

Not even caring, in their own world, Colson slowly brings himself and Luna to the ground. Never breaking their kiss. He runs his hands though her hair, making her brain tingle.

Climbing on top of her, he holds himself up as her hands slowly trail his body. Their touch is almost orgasmic as he sucks on her neck and she slides her hands down his pants. Gripping his ass.

His free hand up her shirt dress. Sliding under her bra, playing with her nipple peircing. Pulling at her shorts.

"I need to be inside of you." Colson says in between kissing her neck and face.

"Mhhhmmm." Luna agrees.

He pulls down his pants as Luna slides out of the shorts. She doesn't understand her stockings though. Both too far gone to figure out how to get them off. Taking off her Docs not even an actual thought for either.

Colson reaches back into his pants. Pulling Luna towards him by the crotch of her tights, he stretches them out as he flicks his blade open.

Luna's heart immediately begins to race as he brings the knife towards her pussy. Slitting a hole through her tights, he rips them open. She bites her lip as she watches him.

Both of their bodies throbbing for the other. Mouths salivating as they look upon each other.

The world EXPLODES as Colson slowly slides into Luna. Both moaning out a pleased FUCK.

Colson takes his time. Gliding along Luna's clenched walls. Every inch and touch is overwhelming. If he goes to fast, he's convinced he may die.

Luna can't handle anything. Dying a thousand tiny deaths as she clings to him. Shifting into his rhythm. Kissing his mouth and face. She has to keep her eyes closed. Looking at him is too much. Fearing her heart will explode from his blue eyes.

They could've fucked for 5mins or 5hrs. They have no idea. Luna having multiple mental and physical orgasms before Colson allows himself to let loose.

Laying inside and on top of her, Colson feels at ease. There's no place in the world he'd rather be. This moment being one of his most content in life.

"I love you, Kitten." He breathes out.

"Mmmm... I love you." Luna mummers into his neck with her legs still holding him close.

"ARE YOU TWO FUCKING AGAIN!!??!" Sam shouts across the field.

Colson pulls his face out of Luna's hair to look at her. His face is still too beautiful for her.

"Jesus fucking Christ. She's like the kid sister I never had." Colson's wide eyes say in amazement.

Making Luna laugh, he pops out of her.

"An annoying kid sister." He says with a pout.

Shifting down, Colson lays on Luna's chest. Stroking his hair, they enjoy their bliss for a bit more before they rejoin the others.

"Yeah, we were Fucking. Kid Sister." Colson states as him and Luna climb back into the pile.

Who you talking too?" Ashleigh asks, confused.

"Ol sex police Sam over here." He tells her to the group's laughter.

"You're like fucking rabbits." Sam shoots back.

"That's why she calls me Bunny." Colson states matter of fact, making Luna roll on her side in a fit of giggles. It's funny because it's true.

All of their bodies riding private rollercoasters as their brains link back up. The Ten of Them talk about life, aliens, what they think God may be, if they'd like to live under the sea like Sponge Bob and all kinds of other weird shit. Figuring out the key to life. Love and friendship. Even Bullet enjoying himself.

--------------------------------------------------

Back at the Ambassador no one wants to separate. The Boys drag mattresses from the other rooms to Colson and Luna's suite. It's sleepover time again.

Collecting water for everyone, Luna dutifully passes out Xanax along with vitamins D and B6 to aid in their recovery.

Surrounded by pillows, blankets and love, they watch reruns Rugrats. Burning and laughing as they slowly come down.

Laying with Colson wrapped behind her, Luna feels so at peace. Her eyes are closed as he strokes her hair.

"I'm so fucking in love with you.... I can see it radiating off of us." Colson says with his eyes closed too.

Opening her eyes, Luna jumps off the mattress. Body flying across the room.

"IT'S NOT OUR LOVE!!! THE FUCKING TRASH CAN'S ON FIRE!!!" She shouts.

Grabbing it, she hauls ass into the bathroom. Tossing it into the tub before turning on the water.

Everyone is kinda numb, shocked or can't comprehend what just happened. Bullet taking notice that Luna's quick.

Climbing back into Colson, Luna asks What The Fuck Is Up With Them and Fire. He shakes his head, not knowing. Kissing the back of hers, he holds her firmly as they fall asleep together.

Benny turning to Bullet. Giving him a knowing eye, he warns that Tonight Was Easy.

He'll get it eventually.

--------------------------------------------------

To be continued....

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #270

“please remain calm; the end has arrived. we cannot save you; enjoy the ride.”

Do you own pastel-colored pants? No. What type of lotion do you use? I don't really use it. Nothing seems to help how dry my skin is. What were your favorite clothing stores in high school? Hot Topic. If you could have a car in any color you wanted, which color? Pastel pink, but realistically (given a pink car would probably have a paint job I'd have to pay for, I assume?), I like burnt orange cars. Not too brown-ish, though. What is your favorite color, do you look good in it, & do you wear it a lot? Pink, probably not, and no. Name someone you know who hates pink. Idk. What is your favorite Avril Lavigne song? "Nobody's Home." Do you kill bugs? Sometimes. Depends. If they're in my house, most likely. Have you ever had a bedroom that had wallpaper on the walls? No. Do you own any rompers? No. What’s one thing you’ve done to celebrate Earth Day? I made a birdhouse out of a milk carton once. Animal Planet taught me lol. Do you use window clings (aka window stickers)? No. What color is your stapler? Black. Do you have a desk that you sit at in your room? Ugh, no, but that's one reason I want to move to somewhere I have a bigger room for a desk so I don't do everything in my damn bed. What do you miss about college? Feeling like I was worth something and on a "proper" path. Was your middle school crush the same as your high school crush? No. What is/was your dream school? I never had a "dream" school. Do you wish you could talk to someone about your past? If so, who? Idk, probably someone. What motivates you? Music and/or videos on whatever subject I could use motivation in, like self-care on my bad days. Have you ever completed a weight loss program? No. Tried, though. When was the last time you did something for the first time? I went through a doctor appointment entirely without Mom just a few days ago; she had to stay in the car due to chemo, so I filled stuff out, checked in/out alone, answered questions on my own, that business. I'm entirely aware it's sad as hell that a 24 y/o did that for the first time, but if you knew just how dependent I am on my mom, you'd get it. Which do you prefer: Valentine’s Day or Easter? Valentine's when I actually have someone to celebrate with, but I love Easter as an aunt with how excited the kids are about candy and all. Easter sorta rubs me the wrong way though since, y'know, Christianity essentially stole and rebuilt it. Do you wait until the last minute to decorate, or do you decorate early? I myself don't even decorate. Mom only does for Christmas, and it's very last minute. What’s your favorite Starbucks drink? I don't drink Starbucks. What were you wearing in the last good selfie you took? *checks phone* uh the one where I'm wearing a red tank top is okay. That's all you can see cuz FUCK taking full-body pics of me. What’s on your wish list right now? Ha, I actually have a list in my phone of things I really want/need to buy when I can. A few include a bigger terrarium to Venus, a treadmill, an Unus Annus shirt before the channel and thus merch expire, glasses for driving... What do you use to sweeten your tea? I don't drink tea. Have you ever owned an expensive eyeshadow palette? No, I don't wear enough colors or makeup in general to warrant buying one. When was the last time you stepped outside of your comfort zone? The aforementioned doctor visit. How would you rate your self-esteem? Low, healthy, or high? Low as like, the deepest oceanic trench probs. Do you own a tripod for your camera? Yeah. Were you a bigger fan of Lindsay Lohan or Hilary Duff? Hilary. Do you make Halloween costumes out of clothes from your closet? Only ever to just be a goth to live out my inner fantasy of regularly flaunting that aesthetic. Do you enjoy putting outfits together? Not particularly. Would you rather it rain or snow? Snow! What does your umbrella look like? Don't have one. What’s one thing you’ve had a toxic reaction to? Do you mean like, emotionally/mentally toxic? I'm guessing probably yes. Even though parts of it were entirely realistic, understandable reactions/behaviors, I most definitely had some toxicity in me regarding the breakup, too. Which do you prefer: cropped tops or tunic tops? Uggghhhh, both are so cute. On me, I'd only ever wear tunic tops, but on others, I tend to find cropped tops cuter. What’s a style or trend that you think is ridiculous? I don't pay enough attention to this to really know... hm. Yeah, idk. Which YouTuber do you want to be more like? I could only dream of being as motivated and smart and determined and "I can do this shit" as Markiplier jfc I Love One Man Only. Do you like stuffed animals? EEEEEEEEK yes!!!! What was your favorite class in high school? Art. Have you ever gotten straight A’s in a class? If so, which classes? Yes; not to brag whatsoever, but too many for me to remember. I remember I got my very first B in 5th grade in I think math, and I was so bummed out. Were there any subjects that you got a perfect SAT score in? If so, what? I don't think so. Are you happy today? If so, what made you happy today? I'm content-ish, not happy, but also not unhappy. Is your bed right by a window? There's one to my upper right and middle left, but my bed's not exactly against either. Do you spend more time in your bedroom or your living room? I barely leave my bedroom. Which holiday is your favorite to decorate for? Halloween, if I actually did decorate. Do you name stuffed animals still? Very rarely. Depends on what it is, the importance, etc. What titles did you win in the senior class polls? I FUCKIN READ THIS AS "TITTIES" AND WAS JUST LIKE... Anyway, none. Were you popular in school? No. If you’re from the US, what states have you lived in? Only NC. Who was your best roommate? Well, Jason, if he even counted as a "roommate." Was your first roommate your best roommate? See above, considering idk if he fits the term; if he does, then yes. What’s the best family vacation you’ve ever been on? Disney World. Have you ever wanted to be a model? No. What years did you attend prom? Sophomore (bf was a senior and he took me) and senior. What do you want to be for Halloween? I was recently listening to a metal version of Oogie Boogie's song from TNBC and it hit me: MISS Oogie Boogie. A fat bitch could pull that shit off, watch me ho. Which member of your family are you closest to? My mom. If you have any regrets, what is the biggest one? If not, why do you have no regrets? Letting a boy become absolutely all that mattered and more to me. Would you ever apply to be on reality TV? Why? Ew, no. I don't need any more people judging me and my life. What is the best thing that has ever happened to you? The partial hospitalization program that saved my life, literally. Do you have a hard time letting things go? It depends on what it is, but generally, yes. I recently realized one of my greatest flaws: I respond very, very poorly to loss, in any way. Looking back on people (especially people), events, other things... a negative, chronic reaction to loss is present throughout. What have you accomplished in life that has made you the most happy? Emotionally healed, a lot. I don't think some things will ever fully scar over, but nevertheless, I don't mentally have fuckin gashes in me. Have you ever struggled with your weight? Ever since the breakup, yes. I thought I was slightly fat before then, but looking at pictures now, I just think "damn hunny u look gud" and realize I was perfectly healthy. But anyway, I was put on a medication called Abilify (full-on name droppin', fuck this med), and it MURDERED my metabolism. I could eat a fuckin carrot and gain five pounds, probably. Emotional eating probably contributed too, but here's the thing: my current doctor took me off of it, knowing the moment I mentioned it that it was not only bad for me and my conditions but also responsible for the extreme weight gain? Pounds dropped like a ton of bricks, and this started before my emotional eating began to die off and regulate. I lost around 80 pounds just from dropping a goddamn pill. Cue college essay-long rant here about how my body image was slaughtered, how much I loathe the fucking doc that kept me on the med and blamed everything on me, and now how I've been stuck weight-wise for two years despite a vast plethora of methods to continue shedding a;sdlkfajkwlelawe GUYS I could rant til my hypothetical great-grandchildren die. When you are out with your friends are you loud and outgoing or shy and reserved? It depends on who the friend is, where we are, etc., but generally, I'm just awkward, trying to be outgoing when in fact I'm questioning every single thing I say and do al;wekjrkawde this survey has taken a TURN. Do you like to stay in your pajamas all day long? I don't leave my pj's unless I have to leave the house and go inside somewhere besides like, a gas station or something that's just "whatever." In high school did you have a lot of friends? Do you still keep in touch? I wouldn't say a *lot*, no, but not a tiny amount, either. The only one I ever still see is Girt, but I keep up with many on Facebook via the like button and shit, ha. Do you really care about such issues as abortion, religion, and global warming? Fuck yes I do. Who is the biggest womanizer you know? Juan sure was, but I haven't been in contact with him for years. Would you ever have a threesome? No. Who is the most attractive person you know? Of those I personally know-know, my answer will probably always be Alon like jc she's beautiful. When did you last feel the most free? ZOINKS we can't ask that question in America rn. Is there anyone who likes (or liked) you and had a really hard time getting over you? I don't know. Did you ever love someone and feel like it was wrong? Love? No. Well, before I realized I was bi, maybe Mini counts, as then I was anti-LGBT and couldn't even imagine myself as anything but straight. What’s your favorite bug? Butterflies. What’s the longest amount of time you liked/loved somebody for? Yeesh... I still can't say with absolute confidence I no longer love Jason at all, whom I started dating in 2012 and went head over heels for. What song makes you cry? There's a few that are capable of it sometimes, but do fucking not play "Stairway To Heaven" if I'm within 10 miles of you. "Another Life" by MiW usually makes me tear up towards the end, but it normally doesn't get that far anymore. Do you like rock or rap music better? Rock, as I'm not a rap fan. If you could watch someone change, would you? Yes let me live my life a;lsdkfjaws Ever known someone with an eating disorder? I don't know. I think maybe? Have you ever had a white Christmas? I think? The best snow we ever got was late Christmas night though, and the next morning was a total whiteout. What’s something you want to do but aren’t sure of yet? Hm. Idk. I'm pretty sure of most things I want to do. Biggest lie you ever told? I'm not entirely sure and I'd rather not search for one. Do you have a religion? I don't fit perfectly into any. I relate most with Neo-Paganism, but even that I deviate from some. Believe that there is a point to churches? I mean sure, people have the right to believe in/worship what they want to, and some people get a lot of joy and reassurance out of going. How do eat Oreos? "I split them in half and lick the cream before eating the cookie." <<<< Converse or Vans? Idc. Eh, maybe Converse, but idk. Dancing or watching others dance? I love watching others dance, it's why I enjoyed dance recitals and competitions. Favorite thing to touch/feel? My cat! <3 Rather be in a tornado or a large earthquake? Both would be horrifying, but I guess earthquake. I've had an outrageous fear of tornadoes since I was very little. Would you rather Santa or the Easter Bunny actually exist? Santa, duh. Would you rather spread gossip or start a fight? Start a fight, I guess. Trying to sully someone's name with false information would haunt me way more than starting an understandable fight. What has been the best New Year's for you so far & why? I don't know. What is the weirdest fear you’ve ever heard of someone having? Do you have any weird fears, and if so, what are they? Uhhh I think maybe butterflies? Idk, even that's not too weird considering it's an insect, and that's common. I'm personally absolutely terrified of pregnancy and also whale sharks scare me quite a bit. ig that's weird. How did you find Tumblr? lol how could you not know at some point as a teen on the Internet. What of the 8 wonders of the world do you find the most fascinating, if any? I had to look them up lmao. I guess the Great Pyramid of Giza. I in general find Egyptian culture and art to be very cool. Do you have a webcam? If you do, do you ever use it and what for? I mean, it's built into the laptop. I never use it. What is something that you think is really underrated? The band Otep, for one. I mean they're not small, but I don't think most people interested in the metal genre know them. OH and then there are A LOT of YouTube artists that MADLY deserve to be signed. I have a large chunk of metal musicians I listen to, and those especially like Jonathan Young blow my fucking mind they haven't technically "made it," even if they have a large subscriber base. Have you ever had a dream where you died? Did anything weird happen to your body after it? Yes, a few. Now hang with me, okay? One of my worst nightmares as a kid involved the wicked witch from TWoO turning me into one of those fucking party things that you blow into it and the paper unfurls and her using it killed me. Yo idk. I was really scared of that witch as a kid. What’s the scariest dream you’ve ever had? How about the most realistic? It involved my dad and that's all that needs to be said. Realistic? Hm. This was SO long ago that I barely remember *just* how real it felt, but I remember it felt real as fuck. I was very little when this happened. I dreamed that I went outside to our porch because there was a weird light and when I stepped outside, a swan and a goose flew down from the light onto the porch to become my late grandpa and my deeply beloved cat Midnight, who died from sickness. I'm sure it was just a dream now, but back then, I was VERY convinced it was like a vision from God or something, telling me they were okay and with us. Do you have a favorite fashion trend? What is it? Is there a fashion trend right now that you think is completely ridiculous, and if so, what? What do you think was the worst fashion trend of all time? I don't care about fashion enough to go in depth about all this. I'll tell you right now though that mullets were the worst mistake known to mankind. Do you tend to like original horror movies or re-makes better? What’s your favorite horror movie? Is it an original or a remake? If you're remaking an old one, I'll probably like it more since they're generally not nearly as cheesy. Modern horror movies, I don't have much of a preference. My fave is The Blair Witch Project, and it's an original. What is one characteristic in a person that you cannot stand? What characteristics do you like best in a person? Do you possess any of these characteristics? Those that act violent when they're angry, for one. Those scare me. Some traits that I really like are compassion, patience, genuineness, empathy, kindness just for the sake of being so, stuff like that. I'd like to think I've got some of those. It's notable that in my nightmares, I'm way more violent than I actually am, though. What kind of jeans do you like best? When I actually wore jeans, they were like solely skinny jeans. What has been the most traumatic experience of your life? Does it still bother you? A very abrupt and poorly-executed breakup after a long-term relationship and falling way, way too hard to be healthy. Does it still bother me? PTSD is stapled on my fucking forehead if you know the slightest about it. I've healed a whole lot, but I'm pretty sure it's a scar that's never going to even fully seal.

[the-wotog-collection]

xander’s harem

- made up of xander, tal, therai, pippin, hatch, glo, and warren

- aka the Trans Your Gender (minus therai) Party

- why is it called xander’s harem, you ask?

- w e l l

- individual characters under the read more

XANDER

- full name is Alexander Gentleharp

- half-elf fighter, he/him

- trans and probably gay

- he’s a total himbo. he’s so stupid omg.

- pretty chill dude. always willing to lend a hand, be it with mending a gate or protecting someone with his life. fiercely protective of those he loves and anyone that’s under his care

- pretty open about being trans. doesn’t really keep it a secret from anyone in the party, but also doesn’t go around announcing it

- dog person, but thinks all pets (as long as they’re legal and safe to have) are pretty cool

- current relationships: hatch, glo, therai, tal, warren (in love); vik (depending on the au) (lover); eve (twin); pippin (stepfather); olive, evan, ash, avery, and anya (uncle)

TAL

-Taliesyn Elias Arvulf, Tal for short

-High-Elf Warlock-turned-Wizard/Gunslinger

-Trans Male, He/Him. Demiromantic and probably bi

-Chaotic Neutral

-Suffers from nightmares of an apocalypse that never was

-Almost died in a fire once- not how he got his scar though

-Renounced his patron in a fit of delirium brought on by prophetic visions of his death, spent the next few weeks stumbling around with the party in a daze before saying “I’m tired of this shit” and vanishing one night

-Came back a few years later much more mentally okay and also doing a wizarding thing now, nice!

-Survived two (2) situations that should have, by all rights, killed him three times over. Also spat in the face of a god and (somehow) lived

-Relationships:

(Romantic): Xander, Eve, Therai

(Best Friend): Warren

(Friends): Hatch, Glo, Chaym

THERAI

-Full name is Therai Aldrovanda

-He/Him

-Tiefling Fighter who prefers an axe or two over swords, though he’s been known to pick up any blade he can reach to protect himself and his party.

-Fluctuates between gay and bi- he’s not entirely sure himself.

-True Neutral

-While intimidating on first glance, this war-hardened tiefling has a naturally goofy and gentle demeanor, though he keeps it hidden under a cold, quiet shell. His shell is easy to crack, given patience and understanding, or a good amount of alcohol on the right day.

-Relationships:

(Romantic): Taliesyn, Alexander

(FwB): Intem (their relationship is complicated, and fluctuates between fwb and romantic)

(Qpp): Eve

(Family): Pippin (adoptive child), Avery (child), Clover (child-in-law)

PIPPIN

- that’s their name. that’s it

- halfling rogue, they/them

- chaotic neutral

- nonbinary and aroace

- gremlin. absolute fucking goblin child

- like a stray cat in that they’re distrustful of new people, but once you have their trust, you’ll Never lose it (unless you do something to fuck up, and then it’s back to square one)

- they might be kinda standoffish at first, yeah, but. once they feel comfortable around someone, they let themselves be a kid, like they never got to be

- what are you? horrid nasty child. what’s your gender? crime. what’s in your pants? knives.

- younger than the rest of the party (closest in age would be xander, maybe?)

- relationships: therai (he’s their dad. boogie woogie woogie); xander, tal (dads in law)

HATCH

-Heim, a changeling. Takes the form of a drow named Hatch’dyorr Drvynski

-Changeling bard!

-Trans Male, He/Him. Very much gay, yes.

-Chaotic Good

-Jolly Sailor Bold

-Aesthetic is the ocean and Dragons

-Has the voice of a scottish sailor singing shanties on the open sea

-A storyteller at heart, he likes to weave tales of adventure, love, lust, revenge, y’know, the usual stuff. Recently his stories have gotten boring though (in his opinion), and the best way to find new inspiration?

-Dragons.

-Relationships:

(Romantic): Xander, Glo

(Best Friend): Glo

(Friends): Warren, Tal, Therai

AERGLO 

-Aerglo Jett, goes by Glo for short.

-Air Genasi Wizard

-Trans Male, He/Him. Doesn’t care much for putting a label to his sexuality.

-Lawful Evil

-Formality is everything to him. Doesn’t do nicknames with anyone in public. Behind closed doors is a different story.

-Sharp both in mind and tongue, Aerglo likes to ruffle feathers and push buttons, just to study others’ reactions. He’s a scientist at heart, and treats people like subjects to his experiments.

-Inkstains on his hands from writing so much

-Hatch and Xander are exempt from the detached treatment, as he considers them more than just subjects to his games. He loves them, in a twisted, perverted way, and has a hard time expressing his feelings with them.

-Relationships:

(Romantic): Hatch, Xander

(Best Friend): Hatch

(Friends): Koirit, Tal

WARREN

-Warren Peace

-Drow Barbarian

-He/Him. One very gay, very trans, very good himbo.

-Chaotic Neutral

-He’s a barbarian I promise. He just… doesn’t look like it

-Very Stupid, oh gods is this lad Stupid

-Pretty sure his INT is like, 6

-Pure of Heart, Dumb of Ass

-Absolute good boy who’s doing his best

-Like a short, stupid puppy who’s here to make friends and toss bitches

-Relationships:

(Romantic): Xander

(Crush): Tal

(Friends): Therai, Val, Chaym

(back to party list)

[blackrosesfanfic]

Chapter 218

Next Morning

Chris

Lane cuts his eyes at me. "Shut up, Chris."

"Lane I'm not even talking. Leave me alone, nigga."

"I say shut up." He snaps. "Go to beach, Uncle Chris."

I stand up. This boy isn't going to shut up until we at the beach. I call my baby mama again to see where she was. I really didn't want her knowing where I would be for the next few days. I text her the address anyway. She can meet me and Lane at the beach house. It's a really nice big beach house. I think it sleeps like 20 people or so.

"Ma?" I say walking through the house.

"Her right there!" Lane yells from behind me. "Ma Joy."

I hear her chuckle then she says. "Lane what do you want?"

"Chris." Lane points at me. "You baby, Chris."

"My baby is Chris?" She asks as I walk in the room. "He is so smart. What, Chris?"

"You pack his bag?"

She takes a bag out the trash can. "I did not. You know how to pack a bag Chris."

"I'll call Cammie." I say taking out my phone.

"What?" She snaps.

I walk into Lane's room. "So what do I pack for the beach?"

"Chris you called me to ask me..."

"For Lane, man." I interrupt her bitching.

She sucks her teeth. "He has a bag already packed. I never unpacked it."

"No, Uncle Chris." Lane says pushing me out his closet. "I do it."

"Lane said he gonna pack his own bag."

"You playing but he will." Cammie says. "Anything else Chris?"

"Sorry." I say.

She sucks her teeth again. "No? Okay."

I sigh. "Alright Cammie."

She hangs up the phone. That shit got me in my feelings, man. Rarely does Cammie actually be mad at me. I mean she always mad enough to fuss but never mad enough to go off on my ass then not speak to me. Cursing me out usually fixes things. I watch Lane in the closet as he climb up on the shelves looking for clothes. Like the kid actually was taking his time looking at each shirt to see if he likes it. He is too much. It looks like Cammie designed the closet so that he could pick out his own clothes.

"Okay, Lane. That's enough shirts. Get some shorts." I say pointing.

"Okay okay." Lane says going to the other side.

Someone touches my back. "Good morning."

"Hi, Nanma!" Lane yells climbing down.

"Hey, big boy." She says picking him up.

I kiss her cheek. "Good morning."

"Where are you going?" April asks looking at the clothes.

"The beach." Lane yells. "And Royal too."

April kisses him. "Royalty? Who is Royalty?"

Lane frowns like he didn't fucking know. "Uncle Chris know her."

"Uncle Chris daughter?" April asks. Lane nods his head.

Oh I though he said I know her. I chuckle. This kid is like no other. He must have been frowning at April because she should have known who Royalty was. April turns to the closet then start helping Lane reach his clothes to pick them out. I turn around to the door. I thought I heard some yelling. I step out into the hall.

"Daddy!" Royalty yells.

I smile then go to the front of the house. Royalty is running out of the kitchen full speed. I hold up my arms.

"What are you doing? How you get here?" I say picking her up as she reaches me.

"In the car."

I shake my head. Not literally how. "In the car?"

"Thank you." Amber says closing the front door. "Package!"

"What are you doing woman?" I ask walking to Amber.

She walks towards the kitchen. "I just took the package from the UPS guy. I'm walking."

"Don't be literal as well."

"April!" Amber snaps sitting the package down. She cuts it open.

I look at the name. "That's not even yours."

Royalty stops hugging me and wiggles to get down. "This Lane's house?"

"Yes." I say putting her down.

"Lane, here?" She asks running away without an answer. "Lane!"

I look behind me. "Me and Trey always joked around about having kids at the same time. Like... aye this is weird."

"Chris." Amber says digging in the box. "A new breast pump? Cammie so lame."

"Amber." April says walking into the kitchen and looking into the box. "Good she listened to me and got a new pump. Why does it look like this?"

"Cause she boogie." Amber laughs walking out.

I follow behind her. "How the hell did you get Royalty man?"

Amber falls on the bed. "Just so happened to run into them. Royalty came up to me yelling..."

"Daddy!" Royalty yells from the hallway.

"Go in there, girl." Lane says.

I turn around. Lane pushes Royalty into the room by her butt. She stumbles into the room then runs over to me. He can't be abusing my daughter like that. She comes over to me. Well we not going to get much done if she don't leave me. Lane comes into the room carrying two juice boxes. He holds it up in the air.

"Royal." He says. "Here you box."

"Thank you." She says reaching like she could get it.

I put her down. "So you ran into them where?"

"Beauty store." Amber says yawning. "Did you and Cammie make up yet? This is exhausting."

"What is exhausting about me and her? What does it have to do with you?"

"Lane." Amber snaps. "Where is my water man?"

Lane makes his eyes big. "What you think?"

"Lane please." Amber says.

"Okay, fine... Am...ber."

She sits up in the bed. Lane walks out of the room followed by Royalty. I doubt he gonna actually come back with the water. Amber giggles then lies back on the bed. I lean over the bed getting in her face. She smiles then sighs.

"Get out my face and fix your relationship."

"Trey in the way." I shrug.

She rolls her eyes. "Oh please."

Lane runs into the room. He puts a water bottle on the bed. "Wait, Nanma!"

"Thank you, Lane." Amber rolls over.

He is too busy to reply. I stand up to find out what he is doing. April is in the living room standing at the TV. She instructs Lane to sit down so the movie can start. They had chips and cookies sitting on the table in front of some little chairs. Royalty hits Lane's seat telling him to sit by her like there's somewhere else to sit. I smile. I think that will soften things up with me and Cammie. I take a picture of them then send it to her saying that it's us in reverse. A little me and a little her. I wish she just curses me out again then forgive me. Make it simple. Hell I still don't know what was going on with Trey.

 Cammie

I couldn't sleep thinking about my baby. I've been up all morning trying not to bother Joyce about Caden. It's just so hard not to. I did call her at 3 in the morning because Caden wakes up at 7 on the East coast. Sure enough she was woke with him. He went back to sleep after only an hour of fussing. He should be waking up about now and staying woke. I gasp looking at my phone. It's April.

"Hello."

"Cammie?" She snaps. "Did your ass get any sleep?"

I sigh. "No."

She sighs as well. "Lane go get your brother's milk. No. Bring it back here, Lane."

"Okay, Nanma." I hear him yell.

"Chris needs to go ahead and take them to the beach. Chris?"

Chris comes close. "This a good bottle, Ma?"

"Yes." April snaps.

"Okay, we about to go. You sure you not gonna come?" Chris says a bit hopeful.

April chuckles. "That's why you still here? No Chris. I'm feeding my angel then going to sleep."

"But you can't go to sleep on him." Chris whines.

"His aunt is here. Go on out my face."

It gets quiet. April chuckles to herself. The phone hangs up then it rings again. I answer the video call. Caden was holding the bottle to his mouth. He starts slapping the bottle with the other hand.

"Is he mad at the new bottle?" I giggle. "Oh my gosh. I'm about to find a flight home."

April turns the camera to her. "Don't you come here without first addressing the reason you there. I don't remember getting a phone call about the conversation."

"He is acting normal." I shrug.

"Cammie." She frowns.

I sigh. "Okay, April."

"Disrespectful." April says as if she talking to a baby. "Yes she is Caden."

"Bye." I say about to hang up til I thought about my mama. "Why is my mama suddenly coming to Cali talking about some spending time with me?"

"Isn't that what you want, Baby?"

I suck my teeth.  "Why is she doing it? To compete with you?"

"She shouldn't have to. I'm just your mother in law." She says suggestively.

"Okay, then."

She chuckles. "Call me... no you call Porsha."

"Okay." I say hanging up.

I sigh looking around the kitchen. I had cooked breakfast for Trey. I don't think he went to sleep at all last night. He is annoying like that. Just sat there on his phone. All night. I make him some breakfast then take it into the room where he was now on the computer. He smiles at the computer then puts it to the side. Oh maybe he was smiling at me.

"Morning." He says low.

"Tremaine." I snap sitting the tray down. "Is that the loudest you can talk?"

He nods his head. "Unfortunately."

I suck my teeth. "You should have been resting instead of being up all night."

He nods his head then reaches for the plate of food. I stand there watching him with my hands on my hips. He really does piss me off. He eats some of the food then he reaches towards me suddenly smacking my arm down from my hip. I frown. He pushes the laptop towards me. I roll my eyes. He pushes it more then he raises his eyebrows. I grab it. I smile. There was a big picture of our wedding. I press the play button on the PowerPoint. It starts talking.

"I know that my apologies are starting to sound like reruns of colorless soundless motion pictures so I'll let my acts be the apology and my words be the reminder of how much you mean to me. It's not about my promise to you but the one you made to me. The promise I take advantage of. I know you rather be with our son and I know he needs you way more than I do. But in this moment I just want to be selfish. I appreciate you and you will always be the one that taught me how to love and how to respect being loved. I look toward to our not so pleasant conversation that will follow my voice coming back." His voice says over the computer.

"You could have said all of that to me if you recorded it."

He shows me his phone. It was a conversation between him and someone. There was a long text. He was asking the person to record the message using his voice sample. I chuckle. So it wasn't really his voice, well. It wasn't him talking.

"Okay, Tremaine." I say. "Until we have our conversation."

"I need to be in New York." He says softly.

I shake my head. "No. Only place you flying is LA. Should have fucking thought about that before you ran around here like a fool. No."

"Lip sync."

"No. You didn't even sleep last night. Do I have to say no again?"

He sighs then takes his phone out.

Trey: Well you tell all the fucking people waiting to see me that.

"It's a free concert anyway. You lose money going to it. It's promotional."

He makes a face then eats his food without anymore arguing. Like we not about to go in circles. You did what you did so you pay the fucking consequences. End of story. I leave out of the room and go to the kitchen to make him some hot tea. Get this big baby voice back. He just keeps fighting his body. How are you supposed to heal if you fighting everything that will make you better? When I go home and leave his ass then he will be acting like I'm being unreasonable. I jump. Trey had scared the shit out of me. He chuckles deeply then wraps his arms around me. I fall for it every time.

"You right." He whispers.

"I'm glad you see that, Tremaine."

He picks the tea box up reading it. I look at his face. He tries to straighten it up before I could see the expression he was making. I'm not even going to fight with him about the tea. He puts it down then he hugs me again.

"I'm not wasting this tea if you not going to drink it, Lane." I snap.

"I will." He says in my ear.

He kisses my ear slowly then my neck. I push him away from me. No. I always let him erase my anger with his sweet kisses and sex. He needs to rest and get better so I can go home to my baby. He has until tonight. I'm leaving for sure in the morning.

"Morning, bitches." Kirven says walking into the kitchen. "Aye, Rollie said that he will see you at the beach in the morning. He went to get his daughter. This breakfast for everybody?"

"Yes." I say. "Wait let me get mine first."

I move away from Trey to get something to eat. Forrest is going to be up soon and I'm not fighting men for food. I sit it on the counter looking at Trey. He had put the tea bag in the hot water I made for him. He picks my plate up and nods his head towards the room. I sigh. We do have to have an unpleasant conversation about his week and his depression. We need to do something about that. Maybe I should pull one of his moves and have a therapist come in and talk with him. I'll see where our conversation goes later today.