#blame ffxiv for this okay

[nerdpoe]

guys i'm sorry i've been struck with a crack prompt idea and i have to write it you don't udnerSTADN

Danny accidentally bumps into Pandora's box.

He immediately closes it! It was closed immediately! Super quick! NBD!!!

Except one plague hopped out in that half second it was open.

Danny doesn't even realize he caught it until he pops back to the Mortal realm and goes into his human form.

He passes the mirror in the lab and....those are cat ears. That's a cat tail.

His hands shake.

Maybe it's just him. Maybe he can plead being a meta.

He takes out his phone and checks the news.

In the two hours he's been gone, roughly half the population of humans on the planet are now cursed with cat ears and cat tails.

Justice League is looking into a way to reverse the curse.

Danny looks at the mirror and goes ghost.

Completely human.

Goes human.

Cat ears and cat tail.

Meanwhile, in another state, Jason barricades himself in his apartment.

None of them can ever find out. None of them can ever find out. NONE OF THEM CAN EVER FIN-

Jason thinks he's the only bat who woke up with cat ears and a cat tail.

[marachistudios]

Just a silly little thing~

[impossible-rat-babies]

i got the titania gwib so it looks like I actually do like. content in 14 Shdjdjd

[budugaapologist]

what if i just put my ffxiv hot takes in the tags.

[haunted-xander]

tbh one of, if not my absolute favorite part about ffxiv, is the small little moments/sections where nothing super big or like. Plot Important happens, but that give both the characters and us, the players, some much appreciated down-time to just. Feel things. And to process what's happened and what's going on or to just. Let us exist, in the moment. In a much more grounded and human way than when there's Big And Important Things happening.

The biggest(imo) and earliest example of this is right after the Waking Sands get raided in ARR, and WoL turns to the church for guidance. The entire section of us helping them gather and bury our fallen comrades, and especially bringing Noraxia home to Little Solace so she can be laid to rest in her homeland, by her own people and in their own cultural ways, was so so important to me.

Because it wasn't just replacable allies cast aside for shock value anymore, it was real. These deaths were real and meant something. I got to actually process what just happened, and I got to watch Banana go through it right with me. And not only did it make it feel real, it also gave me a sense of closure. These people, these friends, are dead, but they also got to be treated with the respect they deserve and laid to rest properly.

And that, more than anything else, made me want to save the world. It's grounded and grounding. This world, and these people, meant something to me, the player.

And there's tons of stuff like that throughout the game, especially in shadowbringers and endwalker.

In shb we have, for example, Lyna venting her anger and frustration after the sin eater attack in Lakeland. She's on her knees yelling on the verge of tears while punching the ground, so furious at her helplessness and powerlessness, at everyone having come so far yet set back because some megalomaniacal tyrant deemed it so.

In ew we have Urianger being approached by Moenbryda's parents, who confront him about not confiding in them about his grief. When Bloewyda starts to scold him, he of course reacts guiltily, believing they blame him, only for him to be completely caught off guard when she instead goes in to hug him, telling him he should have let them grieve with him. And he just. Breaks down. He's been holding these feelings, this grief inside him all this time, and now that he is not only told it's okay to let it out, but by her very own parents at that, he just can't keep it in anymore. He cries for Moenbryda, right then and there, being held lovingly by her family.

And the thing is, these scenes aren't necessary, strictly speaking. The plot at large could go on without them, the events that happen around them are not changed by these moments in any way.

But still, they are so so important, to the world, to the characters, to the players. Everything feels real and impactful now, every death means something, every tragedy, every person, feels real.

And that, to me, is what makes this story so special.

[starrysnowdrop]

Okay like...I'm not a huge Hermes fan because of what happens later with him but..I can tell you are very excited about him and your stuff involving him and you're afraid no one will like or ask about it. I like to encourage people to chase what they love and inspires them so...

I am asking. Lay it on me! Give me all the Hermes stuff that makes you excited! (If you're comfortable doing it.) Headcannons, thoughts, um..I don't AO3 but if you have links to stories with him...whatever you want to share! Go for it!

First of all, can I give you the biggest virtual hug?!?

Thank you so much @pinxli for your kindness, your encouragement, and your support for us all here!! You are an amazing friend and I’m so grateful. 🥹💖

Onto your actual ask, which is just a chance for me to blab about Hermes for a bit, which I know will end up way too long, so I’ll put it under a cut.

So, I want to start by saying that you are absolutely right Inxli-mun in that it’s been difficult for me to talk about Hermes, for multiple reasons, but a big one is that so many in the fandom seem to hate him. I mean he is the one that is easy to point to and say that he caused the final days in the first place and that he’s to blame for literally everything that happened afterwards. So I get it, I really do. But it also means that it makes me really anxious about even talking about him, let alone gpose or write about him. So hopefully this will help me in doing so in the future.

Here’s the thing. From the beginning, I was in the “love to hate him” camp about Fandaniel. I was intrigued with his character and wanted to know more, but I wasn’t exactly excited about his total nihilism, especially in the Pre-EW patches when we first got a taste of him. He got a bit more interesting after the Amon reveal right before Tower of Zot. As a fan of Allag stuff, I liked the reveal and all, but I still didn’t know at all what to expect next. When we got to Fandaniel’s death when he became the heart of Zodiark, I felt like he was an interesting villain, but not my favorite in FFXIV, and I thought that was that. I didn’t think we’d get anything more about Fandaniel, let alone his Unsundered self.

Then came Elpis, and the more I heard and saw, the more I realized that I was going to fall in love with this character, or should I say the Unsundered Fandaniel anyway. The reveal that his name was Hermes got me so damn giddy already because I have always loved Hermes from Greek Mythology. Then when Hermes first spoke in Elpis, I recognized Jeremy Ang Jones’ voice, as he was clearly Amon/Fandaniel, but he spoke so softly and it just hit me with the feels instantly. I have no idea why, but I find a great voice to be a huge turn on, and Hermes just did it for me. His beautiful green eyes also greatly help in the sexiness department for me.

Seriously though, the more I learned of Hermes, the more I felt for him. His caring nature and compassion for all of the creations, his devotion and fatherly love for Meteion, and his kindness towards the WoL just made me love him so deeply. And he was so unique amongst the Ancients, with his love for all creatures, not just his fellow people, and not to mention that I saw a lot of myself in him with his depression, as I myself have chronic depression and anxiety. It all spoke to me, and way after I had finished 6.0, I still couldn’t shake him from my mind. Though I had no intention on shipping with him for the longest time, since it took me nearly 2 years to do so, he had stolen my heart, just as Aymeric, G’raha, Cid, etc. had done before.

So I don’t want this to turn into a full blown essay on him, even though I have already written so much already, but I wanted to talk a bit about why I love him, and that my love is very much for Hermes, and not as much for Fandaniel as the sundered ascian. I very much see Hermes, Amon, and Ascian Fandaniel as all separate characters, even though they all share the same soul whose trauma can be first attributed to the suffering that Hermes experienced.

Though I am still figuring out not only a canon timeline, especially with the newest short story coming in and wrecking a few things that I had planned, but I also have a few headcanons for the Modern AU with Urania x Hermes, and I also I do want to do a Happy Ending AU for Hermes, but I am not entirely certain if I could pull that last one off. So for now, I’ll give you a handful of headcanons for the Modern AU.

Hermes is a single father who adopted Meteion when she was a few months old, and she is obviously not a familiar in this modern setting but a little girl who wants her papa to find love. He is in graduate school working towards his master’s and eventually his PhD in Astronomy, but he still doesn’t earn enough to support himself and his daughter, so he is a barista at the local coffee shop. It is at the coffee shop where he meets Urania, who is a regular customer. They then bump into each other at the university and realize that they are in the same Astronomy graduate program. Some other hobbies that Hermes has is bird watching and cooking, along with spending his free time with Meteion as much as he can. I’m still figuring out how I want the romance to develop, but I’m very excited about this AU because it can just be a sweet love story and no big bad stuff happening like the Final Days.

With that, I think I’ll shut up for now. But thank you so much for this ask Inxli-mun!! I very much appreciate the opportunity to blab about this man who I adore very much. 🥰💖

[agent-cupcake]

UPDATE TIME Okay so my sleep schedule is obscenely fucked so my productivity has been really low when it comes to writing, but I'd like to share some of the ideas I've been kicking around recently. They're all FFXIV because I've got the brainrot and there's a HIGH chance I'll write none of these, or things will change dramatically, but I wanted to share regardless.

Hermes x f!reader - Modern AU

You're a patient with a rare disease being treated by Doctor Fandaniel. In that time, he becomes a little too attached to you and your case. He believes your medical issues are fully curable given the proper resources and time, but isn't getting approved for that sort of experimental treatment. Realizing that the hospital, your family, and the medical field in general are just going to let you die, Hermes takes things (namely, you) into his own hands. Essentially, Hermes kidnaps you so he can personally treat you with the stated goal of saving your life and obviously no other ulterior motives.

Zenos viator Galvus x f!WoL reader - Post Endwalker AU

This one strays far enough from canon that I'm not sure I could do it justice, but I like the idea nonetheless. Zenos's third life begins in a prison. You, physically and mentally drained by everything that has happened, are his savior and his warden. In your attempt to understand him, your dark mirror, you open yourself up to a whole lot of uncomfortable baggage a hero shouldn't carry, and to being understood, convincing Zenos to consider a new perspective. Unfortunately, understanding a monster doesn't make him any less monstrous, no matter what misguided ideals your adventures have taught you so far... All of this to say that when he escapes, he's no longer preoccupied with fighting you.

Hades x f!reader x Hythlodaeus

Long before you're made Azem and Hythlodaeus gives up the seat of Emet-Selch for Hades, the three of you go on an anthropological expedition as a more hands-on lesson. I have to write a threesome with them eventually. Legally, I think it's contractual. We'll see.

G'raha Tia x f!WoL reader

He's very enthusiastic and attentive and I have a voice kink.

Thancred Waters x f!Reader

I want to take advantage of a man with the lingering issues of a caretaker who lost his ward + it would be funny if he got fed up with the old man jokes. I wholeheartedly blame Kane for this one.

[tokidokifish]

extremely niche mmo experiences incoming but: the other day in ffxiv i got in a dungeon w a healer that was like "i'm new please pull slow!" which would have been fine except they went on to clarify that they had a level 90 tank and we were in prae, which (having a max-level tank) they would know has like one (1) section where you aren't forced to pull one pack at a time, so i litcherally COULDN'T pull big if i wanted to, but like. whatever.

but then as we go on i see them pulling regen on people individually and - as they had said they were a new healer - i was like "hey buddy at level 50 you have medica ii, you could just use that?" and they got REAL defensive abt it, being like "oh medica ii costs too much" (even i, the shittiest healer in the world, have never run out of mana in prae), and "we're doing fine get off my back" and i was like "cool whatever i was just trying to help."

but THEN we got to nero and things went Very Poorly after one dps died (admittedly foolishly) by running away w a stack marker, and then the other dps died because, again, the healer just absolutely refused to use aoe heals, and then i watched as the healer repeatedly failed to rez them, which was frustrating but like understandable - nero's a fight w a lotta movement and they weren't using their swiftcast but maybe it was on cooldown or something, whatever! again! shit happens!

but THEN, after we wiped, the healer was just INFURIATED bc they were convinced the raises had gone through even though i watched the casts fail and the lil "rez pending" icon never appeared next to the dps' name. i told the healer that, but they were still pissed because they thought the dps had just, like? refused to get up? and they started getting verbally abusive about it, all caps, going off on the dps and like - the healer asked for patience because they were new, and yet they just fucking went off on the dps for a couple of mistakes? and then something that wasn't even the dps' fault??

it was so toxic i opened the party menu and my mouse was like hovering over "vote dismiss", but the healer got quiet and i was like "well maybe they've calmed down now"

and then they decided they needed to fire off one more snide remark about how "if the dps didn't stand in stuff they wouldn't need to be rezzed" and i was like yeah okay you're gone and vote kicked them.

i'm still thinking about it, obviously. i've played mmos for almost half my life at this point, on my way to two decades, and i've never seen someone behave like that. tryhards that get toxic bc other people make mistakes - that's normal. arrogant pissbabies who not only refuse to acknowledge their own mistakes, but double down and blame other people for them - child's play. and of course new healers that need slow pulls are fine and i love them. but it was that perfect crystalized combination of all of those things that i had never seen before. wild.

[rigil-kentauris]

URIANGER: 2,4, 7 OR 8 (whichever you prefer), 15-16-OR-17 (again, preference), 20, 23

RUBS MY GREEDY LITTLE HANDS TOGETHER HELL YEAH

urianger my beloved

okay let me go dig up my questions

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

I LOVE HIS THEE AND THOU-ING. I especially love the fact that. There's no reasons like culturally for him to be like this, most sharlayans talk normally, if not a touch more formally. he made himself like this. i adore it.

i forget here it is (if its an npc who says it or if its a lorebook thing) but i like the part where the lore says hes Like This because of all those damn prophecy tomes he was on as a little kid. so i just imagine tiny little urianger looking at Ye Old Prophies and COMMITTING. he is precious to me

Small thing: I also love his stupid two sets of goggles when in his Potato Sack era.

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

hmm... i feel like if i just sent him off on his own, he would wilt a bit. i would want to put him in something that gave him a fun, relaxing time, and think if thats to be accomplished I would have to send some of his People with him. he's been alone an awful lot and i see those as times that have also been or ended Bad. i think that might be something he dwells on.

OH I KNOW. okay weird one. but. BUT. hear me out. i would send him to Roller Coaster Tycoon. I know that's just technically just like a theme park but when i build them they are the BEST POSSIBLE THEME PARKS IN THE WORLD. if he could bring than, ryne, and gaia along, i just know he'd be really fulfilled by having a Fun Family Trip. i kind of see him as the guy who happily holds the bags and waits at the end of the ride. and i KNOW gaias got bags. also i feel like he is taking pictures and making the kids wear silly Park Gear. they go to some of the slow like Sitting and or Show type rides for him.

also if he was in RCT i could pick him up and Dangle him. not like malevolently but with the same emotion as I would have if I was Rotating Him

also also i have. forgotten everything ive ever read played or watched so im sure i have a better answer rolling around in there but alas.

7/8. What’s something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like/despise?

I don't actually know much about the fandom takes on Urianger. Most of what I see is people analyzing his actions w/ The Warriors of Darkness and in Shadowbringers, and I haven't seen it be unfair yet. I think, though, I am not deep in the Fandom.

OH you know what I do hate. Every now and again people will mishear a bit about 1.0, and start popping off about how ~~~~~~secretly~~~~ Urianger is ACTUALLY a millennial old WISE and SCHEMING IMMORTAL WIZARD~~~~~~. I cannot blame anyone for thinking that, but it drives me off the wall. hes a 29 year old weird PhD haver who went around at aetherytes and chanting his insane End Of The World prophecies, he wears EITHER potato sack OR a backless dress and the only thing he knows how to do other than is eat hot chip be bisexual and tell the most insane lies possible. actually come to think of it i feel like HE was the one who started the insane lie ' is ACTUALLY a millennial old WISE and SCHEMING IMMORTAL WIZARD' so. either that or it was a general team effort. im getting into the weeds here so i digress.

urianger is so weird. i love him.

15. What’s your favorite ship for this character? (Doesn’t matter if it’s canon or not.)

I'm on that Urianger/Than ship if the bit about the theme park didn't give me away lol. I also like Uri/Moen but if I had to pick one it would be Uri/Than. Uri/Moen makes me sad to think about...

16/17. What’s your least favorite ship for this character?

Lol I havehit up the archive for this one. I'm genuinely not sure what the most popular ships are for Uri outside of Thancred. My guess is Uri/WoL, then Moen. But lets see.

lmao i opened the ffxiv tag and the first fic is an Uri/Than fic ive been reading which YIPPE! its updated!

okay im back its all than/uri and some uri/WoL. there are other ships but i got to the point where there were so few it would feel like kicking a life-raft to mention them.

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn’t matter?

I thought about this long and hard. I went at it from every logical angle. I took apart his characteristics, history, things he's done and to who. Interests, likes dislikes. I thought HARD.

I could NOT shake my immediate and initial thought of Estinien. I haven't got a stick to shake at my pile of evidence I just feel this in my heart.

I guess I was very impacted by uh... when was it. The Scions were in the Rising Stones, and Uri was mentioning he was going to get some books or something to try and share with Estinien to get to know him. It was the most endearing shit I have ever seen and it cut me to the bone. I think probably that attempt did not work but I do not care. GO FOR IT URIANGER! i also, i suppose, wonder how many friends Uri has every actively tried to make himself. like in childhood it seemed more like moenbryda Selected him, and that not many other kids liked him. his complicated history with the scions is complicated, but i think obviously he has to put in active effort to maintain those relationships (ESPECIALLY SINCE HE LOVE HOT CHIP LIES), but a lot of his character development w/ the scions seems more akin to 'hey this is the guy on our team we've known each other for like a decade so we are friends now' and less akin to 'hi my name is urianger can i show you some cool books'

its just intriguing to me why he did that. i hope so much it works out.

also come to think of it i dont know how many friends ESTINIEN have sought out of his own volition. he actively avoids aymeric half the time. orn kahi appears to have also gone the moenbryda route of Mine Now. tataru and krile had to actively hunt and Blackmail him into the scions. certainly i would call him friends with us now, and he cares a lot about alphinaud, but as far as Who Reached Out To Who, i think he is actually in the same boat as uri. huh.

vrtra, i think, is it. though i haven't had enough review time to say who lead that one.

now i want to see uri and estinien sitting silently in a room doing their own separate silent tasks (uri is reading a Tome, estinien is Caring For Weapons) SPECIFICALLY so i can caption it 'tag two blokes who do fuck all'. maybe its alisaie sneaking a bad blurry picture over her shoulder with her front camera and sending it to alphinaud.

23. Favorite picture of this character?

oh man i dont know. theres so much good ingame content and there SO MUCH GOOD ART and i do not have ANY of it tagged by character. let me go look.

OH NO I KNOW this is my favorite image of urianger of all time i want to cry every time i look at it. the fucking. expressions. i cant possibly describe in words how MUCH i feel when viewing this image. im going to pop.

[avirael]

FFxiv Write 2023

Day 21 - Grave

It was the morning after the celebration at Lake Silvertear when Rael had woken up very early and stepped into the common room of the Rising Stones. No one was there yet and the rising sun shining through the frosted glass windows gave the room a special atmosphere you could only witness for a short period of time every morning.

Rael had just stepped in front of the bookshelf looking for a certain book Papalymo had mentioned a few days back, when a familiar face appeared in the room. Obviously in a hurry but still on silent feet A'viloh, who most certainly wasn’t a morning person, came down the stairs that led to their private rooms. In one hand he held a small backpack and with the other he stuffed some clothes into it, while heading straight for the exit.

"Where are you going?", Rael asked and made the Miqo'te jump with shock.

"Rael!", he exclaimed. "What are you doing here?!"

Rael held up a book. "I could not sleep anymore, so I thought I might as well get up and read a little before it gets crowded again. What about you?"

"Ah! I…uhm…", A'viloh gestured towards the door but didn’t seem to find a proper excuse where he was going.

"Are you sneaking out, A'vi.", Rael asked with a raised eyebrow.

"No!", he answered. "Why would I? I just… you know…"

Rael glowered at him and the Miqo’te folded. "Okay, maybe you are right... But I just have to get out of here for a while, that’s all…"

"Why?", Rael asked puzzled. Everything finally seemed to be alright again. They couldn’t understand what bothered him and there visibly was something bothering him. Usually they didn’t need to pry things like this out of A'viloh anymore. He knew he could talk to Rael. Something seemed off.

He shook his head and made a strangely sad face. "You wouldn’t understand that, Rael…"

Rael tilted their head and observed him for a moment. "This is about Thancred, isn’t it?"

A'viloh looked up in surprise and then back down to the floor, sighing deeply. Rael took that as a confirmation.

"But why? You are right, I don’t understand things like this very well. But I watched you sit at his bedside in tears for two whole weeks and now that he’s awake you not only refuse to talk to him, no, you do everything you can to avoid him. Why?"

"It’s better this way…", he muttered.

"Better?", Rael repeated incredulously and started to get an idea what this was about. "You do know that what happened to him wasn’t your fault right?"

"Wasn’t it?", the Miqo'te retorted. "I should have noticed something was wrong, Rael!"

"Noticed!?", Rael laughed. "How should you have noticed that. No one, not even his closest friends noticed, A'vi! You know why that is? That man is constantly wearing a mask, putting on a performance, it’s impossible to tell what’s true and what’s fake with him. No one would ever have noticed something was wrong with him because, Ascian or not, he wouldn’t have let anybody notice it."

A'viloh just shrugged. It meant that he disagreed and it made Rael furious but they tried to stay calm. "Please, just talk to him, A'vi! I’m sure he doesn’t blame you…"

"I just can’t, alright?", A'viloh exclaimed miserably.

"But why? You like him, don’t you? Even I can see that!", Rael asked and walked over to him.

A'viloh sighed again. "Maybe… I do, I think… but..."

"But?", the Viera insisted as A'viloh’s voice trailed off but the Miqo’te remained silent, staring to the floor with a grief-stricken face they only ever saw on him in one context.

"He is not U’laqa… is that it?", Rael asked silently.

A'viloh kept quiet and just glanced up at the Viera while biting his lip.

Rael sighed. "Oh A'vi… you know that U'laqa -"

"Is gone and isn’t coming back, yes I know. ", he interrupted. "By the Twelve, I know."

Tears started to run down his face and suddenly all his bottled up feelings just came pouring out of him.

"But I still feel so horrible! So confused and useless!… Some days… I don’t know… it all still feels so present. Everything happened so fast... Before I even realised it Laqa was gone. Just gone! You don’t know what that was like! One moment before he had been so close that I could feel his breath on my skin. It would have taken nothing but an ilm or two and I could have kissed him one last time. But then he was gone. Just like that! And after the shipwreck there wasn't even a body. I couldn’t even bury him! I could never say goodbye or that I’m sorry! And sometimes I feel like I will never get over the fact that he’s dead. That all of this was my fault. That I got him killed! What right do I have to—"

"What? No! This wasn’t your fault, A'vi!", Rael interrupted starting to see a pattern. But A’viloh was too upset to see reason.

"Of course it was! Without me he would never have left the Springs! Without me he would never have ended up on that godsforsaken ship! He only attacked that man, because he tried to protect me! And what was it all for, huh? Nothing! They got me anyway! His death was entirely meaningless and it was all my fau-"

"Stop!", Rael said loudly and shook him by his shoulders. "He did what he did because he loved you! That must be worth something, right? I may not have known him but I’m sure he wouldn’t have wanted you to blame yourself for this. And he also wouldn’t want for you to be miserable and lonely for the rest of your life just because you feel guilty!"

"It doesn’t matter! I just can’t do this anymore! No matter how hard I try, everything I touch, I ruin! I am cursed, Rael!", A'viloh tried to shake Rael’s hands off but the Viera didn’t let him and instead pulled him into their arms.

"I think I will risk it.", they said. "If only to prove you wrong."

For a moment A'viloh struggled and hissed but then he gave in and instead hugged the Viera back, hands clawed into the backside of Rael’s shirt and his face buried at their chest. "I don’t deserve you…", he muttered, his voice muffled. "I don’t deserve any of this…"

Rael shook their head and then rested it on top of the Miqo'te’s. "Enough with this nonsense now. You deserve all the love and happiness in this world, A'vi. And if you don’t believe that, I will remind you over and over again until you do."

A'viloh made a muffled noise that sounded like something between a sob and a laugh. For a while they remained like this until A’viloh seemed to have calmed down again. Rael patted him on the back and glanced around the still empty room. "Maybe it would be good if you let go of me now. It may look funny if someone sees us like this…"

Reluctantly the Miqo'te let go. "Thank you..."

"Anytime.", Rael said with a kind smile on their face. "What would you say to a few days of vacation? I’ll get some things and we’ll be on our way? Maybe some fresh air will really help your stubborn little brain to think all of this through…"

A'viloh returned their smile and nodded.

[jakey-beefed-it]

Thoughts on depictions of Certain Villains using their depression as an excuse to be fuckstains in FFXIV. Under a cut because spoilers

Preface that I am enjoying the hell out of Endwalker and as a whole have nothing but good things to say about it. Including its portrayal of devastatingly bleak circumstances hammering home the sheer pervasive inescapable horror of despair. And the following isn’t even a complaint about the writing (except that I’m still Annoyed by the mincing camp-gay villain stereotype Fandaniel is), it’s just a pesonal beef with a certain type of person who is, tbh, not unreasonably portrayed in the game- the edgelord who takes his depression and makes it everyone else’s problem.

Maybe it’s the ‘Has struggled his whole life with depression’ in me but I have found myself struggling to regard a lot of these depressive bastards in Endwalker with anything but moderate to severe contempt. 

Fandaniel gets the worst of it; like, yeah, having the Fermi Paradox answered in that depressing a fashion after struggling with feeling like you’re the only one who cares at *all* about the well-being of ‘lesser’ creatures is gonna kick your teeth in, emotionally. Hermes, I get. Hermes, I sympathize with. 

And being reborn again and again only to confront that same nihilistic despair sucks! Feeling like you’re the only sane person surrounded by uncaring, unfeeling monsters sucks! Amon even gets some sympathy.

Fandaniel, though, the modern iteration that’s sort of the culmination of the two plus however many other lifetimes, is just so offensively bad a caricature of campy nihilism I just wanna roll my eyes so hard they come loose and rattle around my sinuses for a while. 

And collectively, the lot of them, like, I get it. I’m a depressive fucko, too. But you don’t... go around imposing that on others? That’s supremely immature in a way most literal children aren’t. It’s such pathetic wannabe edgelord behavior it just irritates me. 

There’s a music video, Radiohead’s ‘Just’. In it, some guy just lies down on the sidewalk and gives up. Okay. Fair, that’s certainly a choice I’ve been tempted to make. And people come along, and they ask him ‘wtf, man’ and he says ‘don’t worry about it, you don’t want to know’ but they insist for various Capitalist reasons that he Must Get Up and Get Back to Work (it’s very Metamorphosis in that regard) or at least tell them why, and of course he ends up doing so finally in a portion of the video where you see his mouth moving, but there are no captions, so you don’t know exactly what he said. But the next shot is of everyone else lying down on the pavement, too, so presumably it was the sort of existential despair on display with the various dragons and Ea we see recreations of in Ultima Thule.

That guy didn’t make it everyone else’s problem in any aggressive way, and while personally I’m of the opinion that such activities are better reserved for the privacy of one’s own home (depression naps all the way to actual suicide) rather than inflicting them on the general public, the POINT of the video is that the mere act of giving up/opting out is itself unacceptable to the whole Capitalist Machine, so sure, he does this in public because no matter where he does it it’s gonna be ‘disruptive’, might as well go for disruptive.

But yeah, anyhow back on track, Hermes and his reincarnations, Zenos, and the Meteia (though I don’t blame them so much given they were set up to fail by a shitty parent creator) are all about Making Their Depression Everyone’s Problem, and I just can’t abide that shit. What are you, twelve? Lashing out because surely nobody’s ever felt this way before? Meteion is a child, relatively speaking, hence she gets much more of a pass, but Hermes? Zenos?

Alisaie at least reads Zenos for filth.

The game is very good at Themes, and conveying the whole Meaning Is Where You Make It approach to nihilism, which I agree with enthusiastically and respect, but to contrast that you need some first year philosophy student wannabe Nietzcheans (who don’t even get HIM for that matter). I get it, but they do annoy me, perhaps because I have dealt with enough ‘dark enlightenment’ assholes who use their depression as an excuse to be the fucking worst.

Pull yourself together and plant a flower, ya fuckwads. Admittedly Eitherys doesn’t have prozac, but a tactile hobby and choosing to see the good when you can goes a long ass way.

Ya dicks.

[writingformeandyou]

a recap of what i’ve been up to

hey there guys. long time no talk. thats mostly my fault im going to be entirely honest here the TL;DR is when i got into my relationship back in late 2018 my creativity kinda tanked. Still i shouldnt have neglected this blog and left everything up to Amic. I really went outside and touched grass for a whole year and then the panoramic happened and that was wild. overall, I’m very sorry. for the longer read should be below the cut.

So, getting into the long story.

In 2019, i had spent nearly the entire year going out and enjoying life of being an adult with free time and a job. Theres not much there to explain. 2020, The Pandora’s Box, right when the pandemic hit a family member of mine as well as myself had caught COVID. That was a wild time in itself and back then we had no idea if anyone could make it if they were sent to the hospital. So when my family member got sent we had said our last goodbyes and could only hope that everything would come out okay. Being sick myself I was not allowed outside to give my family member a hug. Luckily they are okay but we both have long lasting effects from our time. The rest of 2020 went as one should suspect. 2021, Recovery, I spent most of this year truthfully trying to get back to where i was in 2019 but with limitations. It was about celebrating the life that we had and were grateful for another year. not much else happened personally in this year. 2022, Life, last year was spent actually living. with every precaution i could take i went out with friends and touched grass a whole bunch. lots of family issues were happening but in the grand scheme of things it was nothing to waste my time with. I actually had a lot of creativity in this year but didn’t really act on a lot of it.

Back in 2018 i had started playing FFXIV and didnt seriously start playing until like mid 2021. At that point i got serious and made lore for my WOL and wrote some snippets and such for her. It was mostly for myself and i didnt really share it with anyone else but like my friends who were also playing the game. Now im currently in Resident Evil hell and i blame only tiktok to be fair. also a close friend but thats on a different subject. my creativity had really dissipated for a while but now im feeling back in action but unfortunately i will not be taking any requests at the time but i might end up posting my stories on here. im currently in the process of writing a fic for RE. I have had one for ffxiv but i do not think ill sharing that one unless i seriously clean it up. I figured i should update you guys on why i was gone for so long and why Amic had taken over for a while before they left. which i am deeply sorry for i didnt realize that i had been gone for that long or had not had any inspiration for so long. funny that Resident Evil was the one fucking thing that brought me back to writing for fun again. well i hope that was satisfactory enough. im very sorry everyone, please understand thats why this blog had been dead for so long. until next time, Mod Vic

[voidedleylines]

FFXIV Write Day 19: Weal

In which the WoL recovers. Musing on old scars.

Enjoy!

Rating: G || No CWs || Post-EW Setting

By now she’s used to getting hit. It’s rare that it’s ever hard enough to leave a mark, but when it does it doesn’t go away easily. Though some of her more stubborn welts and bruises come from running into tables or bed frames, which makes for a fun story.

She remembers the first time she fought a voidsent. She wasn’t any older than ten and it got the jump on her. Slashed her right across the eye, leaving the faintest line still today. She remembers the rage she felt igniting inside her after the attack and how it flowed through her body and out her fingertips. Some around her gasped in horror, as others murmured in impressed tones. That was the last night she saw her parents, and sometimes when she looks in a mirror for too long she can almost remember what they looked like.

It’s been a long time since then and she’s gotten a lot more scars. Most hidden, some internal. She opens her eyes slowly and it takes her a few seconds to reorient herself. She’s back in her bed at the Enclave, recovering, slower than she’d like, from her most recent spar at the end of the universe. Her hands are mostly back to normal, but her back still feels wrong. She can’t sit up for longer than twenty minutes at a time and she’s out of breath by the time she’s able to reposition. On top of everything, she’s disconnected from her magic, and that’s what makes her feel the most empty.

She hears footsteps approaching and she sees Hien out of the corner of her eye. She smiles and tries to sit up but the pain has other ideas. She lets out a yell and Hien’s quick to gently help her back down. “No no don’t get up,” he says in a soft voice. “I just came to check on you.”

She smiles and gently takes one of his hands still holding onto her shoulder and kisses his wrist. “I’m okay,” she says, voice shaky and cracked.

He smiles tightly and slowly takes a seat on the bed, trying his best not to jostle. Guilt and pity is at home on his face, though he’s trying his best to hide it. She’s been back for a few days now, but they’ve probably seen each other, awake and alert, for a total of three hours since. She does not blame him, there’s nothing to blame. It’s the way of things when you’re the leader of a rebuilding nation. Maybe one day they’ll both be able to fuck off, even for just a few hours, but that’s not today, or anytime soon.

There’s not much to be said, and truthfully she’s too tired to speak, so they just stare at one another as she listens to the far away sounds of the fountain nearby. It makes her eyes heavy and she feels them closing. Hien laughs and squeezes the hand still holding hers. She tries to protest as he leans down and kisses her forehead, and then gently the scar over her eye. “I’ll be back soon,” he whispers.

He gets up from the bed and she hears him hesitate another moment before his footsteps fade out of the room. Her skin is alight with pain as she falls back into sleep, but she feels calm, as sparks of magic return to where they once were.

[elizabethrobertajones]

FFXIV Write: Day 5, Cutting Corners

Absolute nonsense I've been rotating in my head ever since seeing the tier of tomestones. Just Thancred and Urianger talking. Endwalker post MSQ spoilers.

"What is that?" Thancred asked, setting down the two mugs of the Last Stand's best coffee he'd brought over, weaving through other patrons and the lurking dangers of shin-high Lopporits.

Urianger looked up from the palm-sized device in his hand. "'Tis an Allagan tomestone of Astronomy. Livingway did impart it to me before we set forth to resume our travels."

"Uhuh?" Thancred asked, looking closer at the small round purple disc. Lines of light ran across it in the creepy mechanical veins that marked most Allagan technology he'd seen in his time. "Why? You're not exactly our resident technical expert." Sure enough, rather than any other devices, the table in front of Urianger had several large tomes, and his deck of cards. "I think I saw Bounding with some; she said Rowena was paying well."

"This is not a money-making venture, it came from the doomed ship, the Heimdall, that resteth in the north of the crater. They did uncover it while collecting specimens for the Excitatron."

"I could listen to you say 'Excitatron' all day."

Urianger shook his head, with the clear expression of one who would bear all mockery with eternal forebearance but also wanted Thancred to know he was doing so. "They were most curious to see it containeth ancient data 'pon the position and connections of the stars, as the Allagans once knew them. Livingway suggested that it may be of interest due to my chosen profession, as it containeth all that my starglobe may fortell, and more. I have been amending its knowledge, that it may be of use."

Thancred glanced around for nearby Lopporits to blame, but saw only Puddingway merrily devouring a cake at a nearby table. "Wasn't Bounding nearly assassinated by Sharlayan astrologers who were protective of the art? You probably ought not to be doing this in the public square." Anxious though his words were, he had settled back in the chair and taken a large sip of coffee while doing so. His morning entertainment was unexpected but not unwelcome, after all.

Urianger lifted the small tomestone, and let it go to hang in the air above his delicately flexing hand. His deck of cards leapt up from the table in a little gale of stars, and began to serenely rotate the tomestone, dwarfing it in size. With his other hand, he gestured to Thancred, and familiar healing aether rushed through him in the familiar golden warmth that Urianger's heals left in his bones, especially when he had no hurts to soothe.

"I may know very little about the ways of your art, but I can say that this is absolutely cheating and you are going to be run out of town," Thancred said.

"'Tis interesting not to have to set many mechanical pieces in motion so to describeth the exact moment of the heavens. Calibrating the astroglobe is a most tiresome part of the job, now that I thinketh 'pon it."

"Okay, but depending what they offer, I will take the job when the Astrologians hire me to kill you."

[sajiri]

I don’t really expect anyone to read this but I just need to let this out a bit. I haven’t really posted much art or ffxiv content for a while, I know. I’ve kinda been taking it easy of late, just messing around with some single player games like Skyrim and stardew.

I’ve mentioned on here before I work in a special school for autistic students. I do like my job and love my students but this year has been particularly difficult. I’m not sure I’ve had a single week all year that I haven’t been attacked or injured at work.

While I don’t at all blame the kids I work with, it’s a challenging class group that’s already been changed up once because the initial make up of it was poorly done (we try to group students based on who will work well with who. Initially they put two students in my class that despised each other).

The stress of my job is causing some of my schizophrenia symptoms to return, as in I’m starting to have hallucinations again. It’s not serious, and I know none of them are real, but it’s enough to spike my heart rate when it happens.

Add to all of this, my hand has never really recovered from that weird injury from the end of last year. The pain is mostly gone, but I still can’t bend my middle finger fully and it looks as though it’s misshapen.

Im okay overall, just kind of exhausted.

[driftward]

Title: FFXIV Write 2022 - 19. Turn a Blind Eye (Rough) Characters: Zoissette Vauban, Emet-Selch, Thancred Waters, Urianger Augurelt, Runar, Ryne, Y'shtola Rhul Rating: Teen Summary: Zoissette ignores little, except herself. Notes: This is largely a word for word rewrite of a scene that occurs in the game, just with more emotional tags. I'm not sure I care for it much, but I'm putting it up anyway, in the spirit of FFXIVWrite. I am writing another entry for this prompt, but I can already tell that one won't be ready for a while.

Zoissette felt cold and unmoored, even as she looked at the ruins of the fort.

They were supposed to meet Y'shtola here. She had dared to hope, to believe that they would be meeting Y'shtola here. But instead, they'd found the splintered wood and broken walls of a fort that had fallen, and not recently, both according to Urianger's words, and now that she could see the destruction herself, by her own estimate.

Another reminder of the differences in time lost between the two worlds.

She took a deep breath in and let it out slow. Best not to dwell on it.

Urianger was inspecting the ruins himself, a frown on his face. "I see little sign of recent activity, nor hath any meaningful progress been made with the reconstruction... mayhap Y'shtola sought shelter elsewhere. Come, let us quit this place," he said.

"Now! Surround them!"

Zoissette snapped her head to the source of the voice, and then quickly looked around, seeing a great many people begin pouring into the fort, some coming down the main path, others appearing from behind broken walls or atop tattered parapets. She cursed silently at herself for allowing herself to be so distracted by her own internal turmoil.

"These sin eaters," one of the attackers said, sounding confused. "They are not like the others."

There were many of them, and few of her own, and the fort was serving as an effective corral. Fighting past them would be possible, as would covering her friends' retreat if it came to it, but if they thought her and hers to be sin eaters - well. They were no enemies, and could perhaps even be turned into allies.

"There's a reason for that," said Thancred. "Lower your weapons, please. We mean you no harm."

She glanced back at the group and saw Urianger already had his hands in the air, and Thancred was slowly following suit. They had, apparently, reached similar enough conclusions. Slowly, she raised her hands up as well, and was silently grateful for Thancred's head for diplomacy. She wasn't sure she was in the right mind for it at the moment.

"How is it they can speak?" hissed one of their attackers. "It's a sin eater trick! They mean to kill us all!" responded one of their compatriots.

"Please," said Zoissette. She thought she would feel something here, adrenaline, fear, worry, but mostly, she just felt tired. "We're not sin eaters."

"...perhaps they speak the truth," said another one of the fighters. As she looked around at them, they were now looking back and forth between them, apparently confused.

"Oh, for the love of..." she heard from Emet-Selch behind her.

Okay, she did have one feeling left, apparently, as she felt anger spark inside of her. She ground her teeth and looked up into the trees as he went on.

"I had hoped that by accompanying you, we might come to understand one another, but all I have come to understand is that you have a knack for inflaming the natives. You've committed the cardinal sin of boring me. And so I retire to the shade."

She looked at him with a frown, and he smirked back at her. "Good luck," he said, as he vanished into the black and purple smoke of an Ascian portal.

"There! Did you see that one disappear!?" said one of their would-be captors, alarmed. She couldn't blame them, really. Kind of hoped one of them would have tried to hit him was something, anything, as he was leaving. Belatedly, she wondered if they knew what Ascians were, and if so, maybe they thought him the sin eater they had come to hunt.

Probably not. It didn't line up. She wanted to lower her hands and rub her head. She was fairly certain she had lost some sharpness of mind since coming to this realm.

"Ugh," said Thancred from behind her. "I think I preferred Lahabrea," he muttered.

And then, at last, that familiar voice. The blessed familiar voice that she had come here to hear.

"Enough. Runar, report."

Zoissette almost staggered in relief, and felt herself nearly going faint.

"Master Matoya," someone - a large Ronso - responded. "We apprehended them as you ordered, but...are you certain these are sin eaters?"

"The intense light of the aether I saw was unmistakable," replied Y'shtola to the Ronso. "If not sin eaters, then what?

Zoissette felt herself coming back to herself, and peered at Y'shtola, wondering at the hardness she was hearing in the other woman's voice. From behind her, she heard Urianger speak up, his voice quiet.

"'Tis passing queer that Y'shtola should mistake us for the enemy, is it not?" he said, quietly, so only those of their small group would hear him. Zoissette looked to him, and he looked back at her, his expression soft. "Mayhap it hath been too long since last she beheld the radiance of thine aether..."

Urianger cleared his throat, and raised his voice, turning to Y'shtola. Zoissette did the same, studying the other woman. "Master Matoya," he said. "Hath time truly made strangers of us?"

Y'shtola looked over their group. "Nay. I recognize you, Urianger, Thancred. And this is Minfilia of the First, of whom you spoke before," she said.

"Just so. And knowing as thou must that we come in peace, might I prevail upon thee to have thy comrades lower their arms?" replied Urianger.

"First explain this other presence in your company. The one I know not. There is but one manner of creature in this world whose aether is suffused with such an abundance of light," said Y'shtola, and her eyes were now upon Zoissette.

Those unmistakeable eyes, long grey, but the expression was faintly familiar. It was calculating, and distant.

Like when they'd first met, and Y'shtola had still been slightly suspicious of Zoissette's motives.

Zoissette felt the hells-damned humming in her joints intensify.

"Mine apologies, Master Matoya, but thou art mistaken. Before thee standeth our dearest comrade. The truest hero among us. Though she is but recently arrived here in the First, not one but two Lightwardens have already perished by her most puissant hand." said Urianger, but it did not sound to her like he was reacquainting two friends. Rather, it sounded more like he was fondly recounting her tale thus far to a dignitary he hoped would be impressed.

No, that was uncharitable of her, and as he talked, he saw Y'shtola's expression shift and change, her eyes widening, her mouth opening slightly in - what? Shock? Surprise? Zoissette could feel new feelings now bubbling up inside of her, and they were all out to sorts, but now was not the time. She swallowed them, forcing them down before they could well up and overflow.

"It... It cannot be!" said Y'shtola.

Zoissette lowered her hands slowly, and took one step forward, at last finding her tongue, even if not anything else about herself at the moment.

"Nice to see you too... 'Master Matoya'," she said, quietly. "Senior Assessor Fauxbin, at your service."

The clearing fell silent, and Y'shtola's expression faltered, but only for the briefest of moments. And then, she recovered, her expression going flat before she turned her gaze away, looking away from Zoissette.

The large Ronso who had reported to Y'shtola earlier turned to her. "Master Matoya?" he asked.

The moment stretched further, near to the point of breaking, before Y'shtola spoke again.

"Lower your weapons," she said.

The warriors that surrounded them looked at one another, but each of them put their weapons away without question. Zoissette could hear them around her as they quit their positions and moved around to different locations, but she could do nothing but stare at Y'shtola.

"Forgive us this hostile welcome," said Y'shtola, and the hardness that had been in her voice before was gone now. "Come, I would give you a proper introduction to Rak'tika and its people."

Thancred let out a sigh of relief. "That ended a lot better than it could have," he said. "No thanks to Emet-Selch."

She could hear Ryne behind her. "She is so much more imposing in person," she said, presumably to Thancred.

Urianger's voice drifted to her, faint, from where he was standing. "That she should imagine her a stranger..." he seemed to be muttering to himself.

Zoissette looked down, and saw that her hands were trembling.

That humming in her joints that had been there ever since she had fought Titania, making its presence ever more known. And now with it was a tightness in her chest, the feeling of tension, seeming fit to tear her asunder.

Y'shtola finished directing some of the warriors - and they must have been the Night's Blessed that Urianger had told her about - and approached the group, speaking amiably as she did so.

"You have been busy since arriving in the First, I gather. But I would hear the tale of your travails in more suitable surroundings. With Fort Gohn yet to be rebuilt, the Night's Blessed have made their home in a settlement to the northeast. I will await you at its entrance. Follow the path through yonder gate and you will find me soon enough," she said.

Zoissette looked up at her as she talked, but Y'shtola never met her gaze, instead turning quickly on a heel as she finished saying her piece and walking off briskly, near to running, as she left.

Thancred and Ryne looked to one another, Thancred with a shrug, and they began to walk off through the woods. Zoissette looked down at her trembling hands, and clasped them in front of her, rubbing them together, feeling that slight nippy edge of cold that seemed to be ever present in her these days. She felt more than saw Urianger as he moved up aside her.

"Is all well, Warrior of Darkness?" he asked her, quietly.

No. No, it really wasn't.

But it would have to be, wouldn't it?

She closed her eyes, and let it all fall down inside, and when she opened them again, her eyes were lazy and half-lidded, and she had a polite Ishgardian smile on her face as she turned to Urianger.

"Nothing I cannot look past," she said, warmly. "Come along. We should catch up to the others."

She put her hands down. The humming wasn't going away any time soon, and neither were her problems. She strode after Thancred and Ryne, and after a moment, she could hear Urianger follow.

Unmoored and cold, still, to be sure, but she had a job to do.

And wasn't that what she had always done?