#blame my ocd

[rachmcadams]

It's a Wonderful Life (1946) dir. Frank Capra

[lovekenney]

Not being able to read smut means I can’t read any of my mutuals fics and that’s truly devastating

[thefluxsystem]

Ever since being diagnosed with OCD, I keep wondering how many people are in the same position I was only a few months ago: Believing that their intrusive thoughts are who they are because they’ve never been told otherwise.

I have looked into OCD multiple times over the years— which was why I was so convinced I didn’t have it. I didn’t hear the term “moral scrupulosity” until I was given my diagnosis. I didn’t know that my ceaseless, exhausting mental war over whether or not I’m a good person counted as intrusive. I didn’t know ripping yourself apart for things you could have done or could have said after every conversation, often to the point of tears, was not normal behavior.

Because I didn’t know these thoughts were intrusive, they were confirming themselves. I thought that making myself feel this way was right, as if it were divine punishment from a god I don’t believe in for the sin of being alive. That makes sense, I’d think. I am Bad and deserve to Suffer.

I figured everyone else felt this way too. I figured that they must handle it better than I can, which I counted as another moral failure on my part.

Finding out that no, most people aren’t fighting their own thoughts this hard every moment of every day, has changed my life. It’s still hard not to think that I deserve the suffering I put myself through, but I have an out now. Before, the only answer I had was of course I deserve it. Now, I can think deserve or not, this is a disorder in my brain that’s not meant to happen.

It tortures me. How many people are going through life believing their intrusive thoughts are just their thoughts? And how much would change for them if they knew that wasn’t true?

[st7arlight]

maybe i’ve been a little extra stressed lately

[venusiinfurss]

guys big news my brain told me that if i think about It one more time than It will stop hurting

[sailermoon]

I’m glad i sleep with a bat next to my bed because I really thought someone was in my house this morning 😭 some small measure of comfort

[customboytoyz]

got to be in a mosh pit all night and now that im home. it makes me absolutely insane that people think about my lamest post during shows and there is literally nothing i can do about that 

[maiuoart]

Hi, hello, some little Swapfell Red Past brain rot for you all...

Think of it; Lil'Sansy, only 7 years old, walks outside to see his neighbor with a HUGE belly try doing some hard laboring things or even just trying to lean down to get something she dropped... Looks damn stupid, whatever it is- Sans is full of piss and vinegar and decides he's going to go right over there and give her a piece of his mind! She's a walking target with such a huge belly and slow paces- Obviously she's going to be a target outside if anyone walks by!

He marches right up to this poor, struggling Rabbit monster, who has the biggest stomach he's EVER SEEN yet- And he huffs and says;

"HEY! Lady! Why are you so fat for!? What're ya doing outside?! You don't need to try to be a target if THATs what you're doing." Sans huffed, trying to act tough.

The Rabbit monster turns, a little stunned and blinked at this small monster... Only to start laughing.

"Eh?! Are you dumb too, Lady?! What the hell are you laughing at?!" Sans huffs, growling up at this Monster. How dare she!!

"My, you sure gotten your fangs early, didn't you?" She laughs even more. "Most kids your age don't get such venom until they're out of their stripes... How old are you, Hunny?"

Sans is so taken off guard from this lady- She's treating him so nicely??? No, it's a trick! A trick!

"None of your business, ya old hag!" Sans barks, his magic sparking some in mock intimidation. "What're ya doing out here with such a damn fat belly, huh?! Exercise inside, you moron!"

The rabbit monster, though fails, tries to erase the smile on her own fangs. She looks at him before looking at her belly and gently rubs it, gaining Sans attention.

"I am pregnant, Hunny." She says in such a soft, motherly tone; Patiences only for such a young monster.

Sans blinks, not understanding what that word means...

"Pregnant?" He mimics. "The hell does that mean?"

"It means I am with little babies in my belly!" She beams at him so happily. "Would you like to feel them? They're starting to kick now, haha. You must've startled them."

Sans gives her the most incredulous look...

"You-... You have BABIES in your BELLY?!" Sans balks in horror. "DID YOU EAT THEM?! HOW EVIL ARE YOU?!"

The Rabbit monster bursts out laughing harder-

"Ohhhh, I am the MOST eviliest Rabbit in our section, Deary!" She began to show her sharp features at the young Sans, making her claws do the 'ooooo, so spooky' wiggles... "I eat kids like YOU, adding you to my BELLY COLLECTION! MWAH-HAH-HAH!"

Sans flinched hard, ready to head back to the house in fear-

"sorri, Lady-" Papyrus voice came groggily, a hand on his little brother's shoulder. "can't let ya eat em ta add ta yer collection... he's a lil'too spicy fer ya ta handle, m'afraid."

"AHK! Dammit, Papy!!" Sans turned, smacking his brothers hand off him. "Don't you sneak up on me like that- AND I WOULDN'T LET HER EAT ME AT ALL!!!"

"hope bro didn't botha ya too much?" Papyrus moved his hand to his brothers skull, instincts slowly pushing Sans behind him some.

"Oh, no no, none at all! He's such a fireball, he reminds me of my own son when he was that young, ironically." The rabbit monster smiled fondly only to rub the back of her head. "I couldn't pass up this opportunity to tease him, does he not know how rabbit monsters reproduce?"

"ah, well... we both don't, actually..." Papyrus chuckled, looking at Sans who was now puffing his cheeks out and crossing his arms.

"Oh? Oh, dear... Well, that explains a lot! Haha... I'm Ruka, it's nice to meet you boys." She spoke with such warmth in her tone, offering Papyrus her paw in a handshake.

"oh-... uh-... Papyrus." He said hesitantly, his bone brow raised as he took her hand and shook it. "this's Mugsly-"

"SANS!" He growled out. "Don't you say such stupid, random ass names... And Dad told you not to shake strangers hands!"

"Not a stranger anymore when you exchange names-" Ruka gave Sans a wink. "Sans, right?"

"Ah-... AH!! BROTHER, YOU JERK!" Sans stomped his foot before trying to punch his brother in the back. "You're suppose to be PROTECTING ME!"

"easy, easy-" Papyrus laughed, holding him back by his skull and looking to Ruka. "ya see th'shit I gotta deal wit', Ruka? he abuses m' s'much, haha..."

"Ohhhh, such a handful, I bet..." Ruke chuckled into her paw. "Well... Sans, how about we try again? I'm Ruka, and the reason why my belly is so big is because it's full of unborn babies who will be due soon. And because I have so many, it's very tough for me to move around... I do thank you for being so sweet to tell me I would be a target, even though I was a stranger to you before."

Sans felt his cheeks flush- He wasn't WORRIED over her! How dare she think that- He just- UGH! THIS MONSTER!

"Did you know rabbit monsters are the fastest to reproduce in the Queens Section?" She began, that smiling staying on her face. "And we are to produce the strongest little bunnies for her Majesty... Only the purest Monsters can make up for the Love, Compassion, and Kindness that was forcefully taken from us by the Humans we all rightfully hate."

Sans tensed up, but gave her an odd look... "You-... You don't consider us humans?..."

"Why would I?" Ruka tilted her head some. "You both are obviously not humans... I've never seen their bones walk! It's usually a sign that they've died!" She smiled warmly.

Both of the brothers relaxed for once... Many don't tend to see them like that; Other monsters had ridiculed them for being what they are, despite the obvious powers they possess and the soul that thrums in their chest.

"So... You-... Make babies and they form in your belly?" Sans spoke with caution, careful to step towards Ruka yet held his brothers pant leg in his new nerves. "...How do you do it? What process do you take? And uhm... You said they were-... M-moving?"

Ruka beamed at Sans new curiosity, nodding with pride. "Yes! Here, you boys are free to feel them move; Ahg- They kick like the dickens..." She groaned to a particularly heavy kick.

Papyrus watched as Sans was the first to make the move; Slowly, Hesitantly, Sans reached... Kept looking up at Ruka, like this was still some sort of a trick, that maybe she would turn and do-... Something no sooner he would touch her.

As Sans little hand rested on Rukas stomach, he shut his sockets tight; Waiting for anything to happen...

...Thump...

Sans sockets fluttered open as he felt movement indeed hit his hand. Quick to look at Ruka in amazement, Ruka only smiled back that tender smile reserved only for mothers to give.

Sans and Papyrus learned many things that day; How many a Rabbit could produce in one setting, how many times they could get pregnant within the year, and how long they have their youngest until they were taken either for the Queens Army or for more potential Mothers...

The boys became fond over Ruka after the next few weeks; Sans always made sure to go over and help the Soon-to-be-Mother(again) with anything she needed help with. All the chores, dinner preparations, and learned quite a few tricks with detail cleaning and hacks Ruka loved to do with particularly hard stains...

General Li and Alphys were soon introduced; Quickly enjoying the rabbits company in this small community they lived in. It was hard to find such kind natured Monsters, harder yet to find a like-minded family so close that the kids all got along...

Or, mostly got along.

But, like all things...

It wouldn't last much longer.

[gremzon]

I might have OCD actually

[dilutedh2so4]

Don't you just love when people misread

[tr1cked]

my mom has diagnosed ocd & now that i'm better from the plague she literally attacked me at my desk today with lysol - the whole office was smelling more sterile than a hospital.

[wormbraind]

someone kill me so i can’t keep working on this

[imliterallyinsanern]

I like ONE post of a pretty woman, and suddenly Tumblr has to call me out as being the gayest bitch on the planet. IT WAS ONE PICTURE TUMBLR!!!

[sometimesraven]

lmao going into the tags of things you're excited about and immediately remembering Tumblr is allergic to joy and whimsy

[pumakaji64]

Me: Finally, once I finish this last task I’m free to enjoy my day and spend time with my lovely friends!!!

My nefarious body: Now feels like a great time to cast spell of ‘makes you feel like you have a bundle of thorns in your intestines’ on ourself!

[titanrkive]

joined tumblr again for the first time in nearly a decade and immediately fell into a nightlong mental health rabbit hole & am now questioning everything. sounds about fucking right. home sweet home