#i know the crops r off but the scenes are different n i wanted to make it as even as possible

[rachmcadams]

It's a Wonderful Life (1946) dir. Frank Capra

[mypoisonedvine]

𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙫𝙮 𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙖𝙡 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙧 (𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘐𝘐) || sub!bucky barnes x dominatrix!reader

(𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘐)

𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙨𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮 || your newest client asks you to give him a real challenge, and you’re happy to oblige.  

𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩 || 6.3k

𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 || smut but no actual sex (lots of handjob stuff though and some brief oral m receiving), overstimulation, multiple orgasms, more cnc (because of the overstimulation), bondage, edging, impact play (riding crop), brief cock torture (she just hits him with the crop a couple times), implied “kink as trauma response” (this is gonna be a theme throughout the whole fic), forced to break a rule/doomed to fail/impossible challenge (idk how to warn for this but yeah), forced voyeurism?, thigh riding (reader rides bucky’s thigh), some degradation/dumbification, brief/implied dacryphilia, a bit of angst/feelings

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“Can’t,” he sighed, “can’t come again.”

He looked so painfully adorable when he begged like that, his brow glistening with sweat as he jerked under your touch.  “Aw, poor baby,” you pouted, twisting your hand when it stroked over the head of his cock, “yes you can.  I know you can.  Just gimme one more.”

“F-fuck,” he whimpered, “Mistress, please— just stop, please, I can’t… can’t take any more…”

“I know you can, sweetheart— I know you can be my good boy and keep coming for me.  Tell me your color.”

“Yellow,” he whispered.

“Think you’re almost done?” you pressed, smiling when he nodded breathlessly.  “Yeah, there’s my good boy— gonna come again for your Mistress?”

“Yes,” he breathed, baring his teeth as his hips bucked wildly to try to avoid further sensation, “y-yes, one more, just one more, I’m gonna— fuck, gonna come, just don’t stop… fuck, it hurts.”

“I know, but you’re being so good for me,” you purred.  “You like it when I milk your pretty cock, don’t you?  Even though it hurts?”

He winced but nodded.  “C-coming, Mistress, fuck, I’m coming…!”

Since it was his fifth of the evening, he could only give you one thick drop of come that gathered at his slit before running down over your hand which finally slowed to a stop.

You both sighed with relief as you pulled your hand away and leaned back, admiring how beautiful he looked as he caught his breath, covered in come and sweat.

"Good job," you praised with a chuckle, "I hope I didn't go too hard on you."

"N-no, that was… that was really good," he sighed, slumping back onto the bed.  "Can I use your shower before I go?"

"Yeah, totally," you nodded.

After a long pause, you gave him a confused look.  

"I thought you were gonna shower?" you reminded him.

"Oh… I guess I have to get up for that," he sighed, making you laugh.

"Rest a bit longer.  You've had a… challenging afternoon."

He nodded a little and you got up from the bed to go wash your hands and freshen up a little, smiling at your own appearance in the mirror— sometimes you forgot how you looked when you did this, but there was an undeniable aura of power around you… especially after a session like that.

This was only your third week with James, and already the dynamic felt so natural between you— and yet, so fresh compared to your other clients.  Normally it took longer for a newbie to get comfortable with you, yet most of them had had multiple doms before and here was James, totally inexperienced and taking it all like a champ.  There was an air of innocence about him, you figured, in contrast to this undeniable strength and intensity that you caught glimpses of from time to time.

Sometimes, it felt like he was chasing an innocence he lost a long time ago.  Whatever it was that drew him to this, you were happy to help him along the way.

It was probably a little dangerous to enjoy sessions with a client so much; even though you often pretended that everything was about your pleasure and not theirs, obviously since they were the paying customer it was the complete opposite in reality.  But there was an equity to the dynamic with you and Bucky, he served you with a real dedication rather than for his own gain.  And you, meanwhile, had rediscovered the fun in this career that had originally drawn you to it in the first place.  It was less like a science now, more like an art— you let yourself go with your instincts and do whatever felt right in the moment, and both of you benefitted for it.  

“Come on, get up and clean yourself off,” you encouraged— gently, of course— as you left the bathroom and returned to find James laying sprawled out on the bed.

“I know you said falling asleep here was a one-time courtesy,” he remembered with a smile, “but I could use it now a lot more than I needed it then.”

Honestly, you didn’t see him smile that often.  It was pleasant; you hoped to see it again.  He did get up, though, and take the washcloth you handed him to wipe off the come that had gotten all over him.  “What are you thinking for next week?” you asked as you leaned against the wall.  “Any special requests?”

“We can discuss all that over the phone,” he decided.  You still didn’t understand fully why he didn’t like to discuss future scenes in person; it was like he wanted the in-person interactions to be as ‘in character’ (if you will) as possible.

“Alright, just keep me updated,” you requested with a shrug.

You got changed while he took his shower, and when he emerged to the living room he seemed surprised to see you sitting on your own couch.  After a moment, you realized it was the fact that you were in normal clothes that threw him off.  “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in jeans before… or pants of any kind.”

You looked down at your outfit with a smile, glad it was at least still professional and not sweats and a t-shirt or something.  “Yeah, I guess you haven’t.  First time for everything, right?”

“Yeah, had a lot of first times with you,” he chuckled.  “Most significantly less mundane than this.”

A brief silence filled the room but it wasn’t exactly awkward, at least not for you.

“Well, I’ll see you next week,” he decided as he grabbed his jacket from your chair and slipped it on.  You’d been spending most of this session trying to forget how good he looked in the leather motorcycle cut, so that was out the window now as you tried to keep from visibly biting your lip while he walked towards the door.

Damn, he was fine.  But there were more pressing matters at hand.  Like preparing yourself and your apartment for your next appointment.  This guy wanted to get slapped around until he cried… shouldn't be too difficult, but your arms would probably be sore tomorrow.

Opposite of last week, I really want you to edge me tonight, as long as possible.

Don't go easy on me, make me hold it in.  I need a challenge this week.

-J

It was odd how emails from James made your week.

He seemed to prefer to communicate his desire with you this way; maybe it was easier for him, and you couldn’t really blame him for that.  The nice part was that you didn’t have to temper your reactions, if you had any, since you were always alone when you got his messages.  You might be old hat at it now, but you could remember a time that you had to hide a grimace when a client told you to your face what he wanted.  Not that you would shame them for it or anything (unless, you know, they paid you to), but you didn’t enjoy everything you did with these men.

Did you enjoy everything you did with James?  Yes, but you were pretending not to— for your own sake.

You dressed a bit differently for today’s session, more conservatively… not that it was especially conservative by any other person’s standards.  But it left your legs and chest covered, somewhat in the spirit of ‘mean corporate businesswoman’ aesthetically.  For some reason you felt like using a riding crop required wearing pants.

James certainly didn’t seem to mind, with the way he nervously cleared his throat after you opened the door.

“Good to see you again,” you greeted formally, “please, come in.”

He stepped past you, still looking at you and not at what was in front of him, meaning he ended up slamming himself gut-first into your kitchen island.

“Oh!  Are you alright?” you smiled when you noticed. 

“Yeah, I’m good,” he nodded, rubbing his stomach for a second but recovering quickly.  “I told you I can take a lot of pain,” he joked.

“Well, we’re going to put that to the test today,” you promised cryptically.  “You must’ve seen the crop on the table.”

He nodded again.  “Yeah....”

“Are you looking forward to it?”

“Yes,” he answered, a bit too quickly.

“Then let’s get you tied up, James.”

Straddling his lap, you realized the rope was a bit too tight when you saw it digging into his skin; maybe he wouldn’t mind that, but you did, so you pushed the rope back through itself to loosen it slightly.

“How long did it take you to learn all these knots?” he asked casually, watching your fingers nimbly work the ropes around his wrists.

“Not too long,” you shrugged, “I’ve only been doing this a few years… but I knew them before that.”

“Boating school?  Boy Scouts?” he suggested jokingly.

“Just a hobby,” you decided, dodging the covert question about your past.  “Were you a Boy Scout?”

“Do I look like a Boy Scout?” he countered with a scoff.

“Not anymore,” you shrugged, “but I bet you did once.  You’re sorta innocent, you know.”

He swallowed dryly, and you raised an eyebrow as you glanced from the knot you were tightening to his face, which looked a bit flustered.  “R-really?”

“Yeah,” you confirmed, leaning back on your heels to look at him straight-on.  “Are you surprised to hear that?”

He nodded quickly, and you laughed.

“Aw, you thought you were so kinky, huh?  So dirty,” you purred, running your hand up his leg until he tugged slightly on the newly-tied ropes— a subtle way to get him to test them for you.  “But you’re really not.  You’re just my sweet, innocent boy.”

He whined— really, properly whined— and you dug your nails into his skin until he hissed instead.

“I don’t think you believe me,” you noticed, leaning back to reach for the crop behind you.  “You think you’re so filthy and perverted, right?  Are you a pervert, James?”

“Yes,” he breathed, shivering as you let the crop slide gently over his skin— his abs, his hips, his legs which were already quivering so adorably.  “Yes, Mistress.”

“And how’s that?”

“I think about… getting hurt,” he admitted weakly, “when I touch myself.  And I touch myself all the fucking time.”

“Yeah?  How many times a day do you stroke that pretty cock, James?”

“Twice every morning,” he blurted out, “after that it depends.”

You didn’t let yourself show your surprise at that number.  “Depends on what?”

When he hesitated, you hit him sharply on the thigh and he winced.  “Depends on what I… what I end up thinking about.  Sometimes… sometimes something reminds me, and I have to get off.”

Something told you not to press on what it was that he needed to be reminded of, and why it made him want to jerk off so bad.  Something told you he wasn’t ready to tell that story yet.  “Did you touch yourself today already?” you asked instead.

“No, no ma’am,” he shook his head, voice wavering as you brushed the crop over his chest, “it’s… it’s different with you.”

“Yeah, I bet it is,” you smirked, hitting him on the stomach quickly.  “I bet you’re finally satisfied, right?  Nothing’s ever worked for you before.”

“Yes,” he moaned, crying out slightly when you hit him on the arm (flesh— you were too afraid what sound the metal one would make) much harder than before.  “The nights I see you, I… I can sleep.”

“You sleep better?”

“No, I just… sleep.”

You tried not to react to that, moving to a new question instead.  “Do you want me to hit you again?  Or do you want me to stroke your cock for you?”

An obvious choice to some, surely, but he seemed to really struggle with it.

“Which one do you think you deserve?” you asked instead.

“Hit me more,” he decided.

Instantly, you struck him once on the face and again on the shoulder, then moved down to his legs for three in a row in spite of the way his body jerked away instinctively.  

“Fuck,” he sobbed, “don’t stop— I need more…”

You focused on his legs, on the inside of his thigh where he seemed the most sensitive.  His twisted joy turned to true fear, though, when you brushed the end of the crop over his balls.  “Do you want me to hit you here?” you challenged.

“I… I don’t know,” he stammered.

“Let’s make a deal, James,” you offered, “wherever I hit you, I’m gonna kiss it to make it better.”

“Then hit me wherever you want,” he nodded, almost smiling at you.  He cried through his teeth when you whipped his shaft with the crop— not especially hard, in fact quite delicately, though the second was harder.  And the third, though not much more aggressive, was right on the sensitive tip; his eyes shot open and his hips jerked away.

“So good, such a good boy,” you whispered proudly, putting the crop aside to lean in and kiss his cheek where you’d hit him before, his shoulder, his arm.

You worked your way down carefully as he breathed heavily beneath you, whimpering slightly when you kissed his thighs and notably ignored his flexing, leaking cock.  “Please,” he whimpered.

“Shh, be patient,” you soothed, “be my good boy.”

“Your good boy,” he repeated, trying to restrain himself but already bucking up into the air again, “fuck, wanna be your good boy, Mistress.”

“Are you already close, pet, just from getting hurt?” you asked in a faux pout.  “You’re not gonna come if I give your pretty cock some kisses, right?”

“I— I won’t come,” he promised.  “Not until I get permission.”

“Baby, it’s gonna be a long fuckin’ time before you get permission,” you promised with a toothy grin.  “Look down at me, honey, I want you to see this.”

He hesitated for a second but obeyed, looking down at you with an expression that was full of awe as you gripped his cock and gave gentle, teasing kisses up his shaft.  It bobbed in your hands with each one, and he let out the most beautiful sigh when you kissed the tip carefully.

A wide lick made him jerk beneath you.  “F-Fuck,” he stammered.

“You said you wouldn’t come,” you reminded him.  “Can I keep going?  Are you gonna be a good boy?”

“Don’t stop, please,” he breathed, “I’ll be good.”

Taking the head between your lips, you suckled gently as he shivered and moaned.  You weren’t sure you’d ever been with anybody— on or off the clock— who was so sensitive.  And you loved it, honestly; who could resist those precious noises he made?

As much as part of you wanted to go nuts and really push him to the edge, you tried to be gentle and careful so as not to make it impossible for him to hold back.  But even then, when you gently grasped his balls in one of your hands and squeezed them, he apparently couldn’t take anymore.

"S-stop," he hissed, and you pulled back, sitting up.

"You were close?" you asked, and he nodded a little.  "Oh, what a good boy."

He whimpered briefly.  "Yes, your good boy, Mistress…"

Your fingers trailed delicately up the underside of his cock, making him shiver violently.  "I know you want to come, but you want to be good even more.  You're such a sweet little pet."

It seemed like the praises did more to keep him on the edge than the touches, so you kept both going; wrapping your fingers around the ridge of his head, you gave the most gentle and subtle strokes, and leaned in to whisper against his ear.

“Is this why you wanted me to edge you today, James?  So you could show me how good you can be?” 

“I-I don’t know,” he blurted out, rocking his hips as best he could while restrained, “I just wanted to… I just wanted you to make me wait.”

“Well, you don’t need to worry about that,” you laughed slightly, “I can make you wait all day.  Is that what you want?”

“No, that’s— not that long, I can’t wait that long,” he shuddered.

“Mm, that sounds like your problem, not mine,” you smirked.  “Not sure why I asked what you want, honestly… cause I don’t fucking care.”

His choked-out whine was too perfect to ignore.

“Oh, what a pathetic little moan that was, poor baby,” you cooed mockingly, “are you regretting it now?  You’re probably wondering what you got yourself into, ‘cause you’re worried Mistress is never gonna let you come.”

“No, I don’t regret it,” he denied weakly, “whatever you want— do whatever you want to me, just… give me what I deserve, please.”

You stopped touching him completely and he straight-up sobbed.  “You don’t deserve anything from me, James.  You don’t deserve me at all.”

He told you before that he liked when you rapidly cycled between soft and mean.  Kept him on his toes, apparently.  Honestly, you felt a little guilty talking to him that way sometimes, but his cock leaking enough pre-cum to soak the bedsheets beneath him was a sign you were doing something right.  “I know!” he cried.  “I know, fuck, I’m sorry, but I need you.  I fucking need you, Mistress, please— you know I’ll do anything.”

“I’m feeling generous today,” you shrugged, “so I won’t ask you for much.  Just beg me a little more.”

“Please, pleasepleaseplease,” he rushed, “touch me.  Anywhere, whatever you want, I just need to feel you.  I know I… fuck, I know I don’t deserve it, but let me try to— to earn it.  Please.”

You knew if he had it his way, he wouldn’t do much talking at all.  But you couldn’t just let him have it his way, now could you?  It was better to make him just the right amount of nervous, just the slightest hair uncomfortable, by making him talk to you.  And, of course, you liked the way his deep and rough voice got all whiny and needy like this.

One finger under his chin guided him to look up at you, those pretty blue eyes watery and sparkling and wide with misplaced innocence.

“Tell me who you belong to, James,” you instructed darkly.

“You, Mistress,” he whispered, “I’m yours, I— oh fuck…”

Unshockingly, he was reduced to only moans again when you started stroking his cock, the slick precum making every movement smoother.  “All mine, huh?  My little toy?” you confirmed, but he could only nod and swallow thickly.

You sped up quickly, getting faster and faster until you were really, properly jerking him off and he was biting hard on his lip.  Just when he seemed to really fall into it, get almost comfortable, you had to stop.

"Oh, fuck—" he gasped, bucking his hips up to try to chase your hand when you pulled away, but it was no use with him tied up.  You watched his cock bob in the air and smiled.

“Did you think it was going to be that easy?” you smirked.

Shaking his head, you tilted yours to look at him, reaching up to trace your fingers over his chest.  

“Don’t lie, baby, you thought I was gonna let you come, didn’t you?  You’re so sweet, James, and so, so stupid.”

He gasped, and for a second you thought you might’ve gone too far, but it shifted to a moan quickly and you realized he was having the time of his life.

“Just my dumb, brainless little toy,” you continued with a snarl, watching him tug at the ropes as his eyes fluttered shut.  “It’s okay, James, it’s okay… you don’t need to think, I don’t want your mind.  It’s useless.  I want this pretty cock, that’s all I want from you.”

“It’s all yours, Mistress,” he promised, cheeks burning bright red and eyes forced shut.  “All of it, I swear.”

“I know,” you cooed, holding his face gently to soothe him a bit.  But then your other hand wrapped around his cock and he was anything but soothed.  “Shh, shh, don’t make any sounds, you’re just a toy and toys need to stay quiet.”

You missed his noises, actually, but he looked so cute biting his lip and struggling to suppress them.  His cock was so swollen in your hand that you honestly wondered if it was somehow getting bigger.  Was that even possible?  Your mouth was watering regardless.

“I’m gonna give you a little break,” you promised gently, “but I’ll be honest, pretty boy… I don’t think you’re gonna like it one bit.”

The look he gave you beautifully balanced fear with anticipation, and you stopped stroking him to reach over towards the bedside drawer and pull out a vibrator.

“Your Mistress is feeling a little.... self-indulgent today,” you winked.  “And since I, unlike you, don’t need to hold myself back from coming, I think I might as well get myself off if I want to.”

His throat bobbed as he swallowed dryly, watching you closely as you stood up off the bed and started to carefully undress yourself.  It was a lot more fun to get naked when you were wearing something that didn’t actually show much skin— the button-up seemed to really get him going, his tongue mindlessly darting out to lick his lips as you opened one button at a time.

Once it was off your shoulders and on the floor, and he could see the almost-transparent bra you had on, you moved to opening your trousers as well.  Just to be mean, you faced the other way as you pushed them down over your ass; you heard his breath catch and you smirked to yourself, spinning to face him again in just the matching, dark red bra and panty set.

“What do you think, do you like this better than the black ones?” you asked coyly.

“I like you naked better than both,” he answered, and you grinned.

“I’m gonna let that backtalk slide just once because it’s not worth my time to go over there and slap you for it,” you decided.  “But don’t test me, James.”

“Yes, Mistress,” he answered dutifully, sounding a bit out of breath as he watched you climb back onto the bed, positioning yourself carefully.

You faced him straight-on and laid your legs over his, meaning your lace-covered pussy was in full view and only inches from his leaking cock— the damn thing looked sore by now, purple at the tip and just as desperate for attention as the rest of him.

When you pulled the fabric aside to show him your cunt, he hissed and looked away.

“Look at me, James, keep your eyes open,” you demanded, seeing how totally wrecked he looked when he turned his head back to you and stared down at your body with half-lidded eyes.  “Look at how fucking soaked my pussy is.  You remember how it feels to be inside it, don’t you?”

He swallowed, sighed, and finally (just barely) nodded.

“You remember how hot and wet and tight it is, don’t you?”

“Y-yes,” he choked.

“Well, that memory’s all you’ve got to work with, sweet boy, because I don’t think I’m ever gonna let you fuck this pussy again.”

He really, properly sobbed, tears streaming down his cheeks, and those arms flexed against the ropes defiantly.  “N-no, please—” 

“I’m gonna make myself come with this,” you promised, interrupting him as you grabbed the vibe, “and I want you to remember how it feels when I come around you, okay?  

Turning it on, you wasted no time pressing it to your clit, moving the end of the toy in slow circles and keeping a close eye on him as he watched you.  Your intention had always been to give him a show, but the embarrassing thing was how little of it was an act.  Ironically, even though you’d been edging him this whole time, having to touch him that way without any pleasure for yourself was almost as torturous.  You’d soaked through your panties by the time you had him tied up, to be totally honest.  So, giving into it and letting yourself feel good was a breeze.

“Think about when I was riding you, James,” you instructed, your own voice clearly affected by your pleasure now.  “Think about how good it would feel if I let you come inside me.”

“Oh, god,” he cried, leaning his head back.

“Think about my pussy milking every fucking drop of come out of you.  You know I wouldn’t let you stop until I was completely full of your come, I bet you’d like that.  I bet you’d like to eat your come out of me, you sick little pervert.”

“Fuck!” he yelped, tugging at the ropes harder now— for a second you thought he might really break them and jump you.  And for a second, you knew you’d let him.  It made your walls clench as you imagined facing the consequences of driving a man to the brink of insanity until he couldn’t help but fuck you like an animal.  It was a good thing he didn’t see you bite your lip as you imagined that.

“You know what I’m thinking about?” you taunted.  

“God, don’t tell me,” he sighed through his teeth, but obviously you ignored him.

“I’m thinking about what a good boy you are for me,” you cooed, your hips starting to rock up against where you held the end of the vibrator; you pressed it down harder onto your clit and moaned instantly.  “Yeah, I’m thinking about how pretty you look when you’re all desperate and needy and fucking pathetic—”

“Oh—” he choked.

“My dumb litlte whore, that’s all you are, James,” you groaned.  “I know you wish you could touch me, it’s all you can think about, right?  That pretty head of yours would be completely empty if it weren’t for thoughts of me and how badly you want me.  Right?”

“Yes,” he whispered huskily.

A shiver ran up your spine when the vibrator bumped into a more sensitive part of you, and you did it again and again until you thought you might lose it a bit faster than you meant to.  “This toy feels really good,” you informed him in a purr, gasping when you slipped the vibrating body of it into your pussy, “but it doesn’t feel as good inside me as you do.”

His eyes fell shut but he still winced a bit every time you made a sound; he couldn’t run from this, no matter how hard he tried.

“Oh James,” you moaned loudly, fucking yourself with the vibe for a moment before you pulled it back out to focus even harder on your clit, “I’m gonna come.  I’m so, so close… I can feel it getting stronger, I think I might make a mess on these sheets.  And the only way I’m ever gonna let you come is if you watch me do it.  So open your fucking eyes.”

He blinked quickly as he opened them, gaze scanning your whole body before settling on your cunt; you were sure he could see it pulsing as you got closer and closer, you knew he was imagining how it would feel.  You only spared a brief glimpse at his cock, bobbing between his legs, and wished you could just slip it in you now and come while it stretched you out. 

But that wasn’t what he was here for, sadly, and you were sure you were the only being truly denied of your desires, despite how it probably seemed from the outside.

“Oh my god,” you breathed, numbness starting to tingle in your legs as your orgasm built up quicker than even you expected.  “I’m coming— James, I’m coming, oh, fuck… right there— yes!”

A gush of heat warmed your cunt at the same time that shocks ran up your spine and down your limbs; you could feel your legs shaking, and you knew he could, too.  

It got so intense for a second that you had to pull the vibrator away, though you didn’t stop coming until a few moments later, eyes falling shut without you meaning for them to.

You actually laughed a bit, breathlessly, as you turned the vibe off and set it aside, although you weren’t sure exactly what was supposed to be funny about this per se.  When you opened your eyes, you saw James looking down and looking positively defeated.  But he looked tense, too, and you sat up on your wobbly legs to get closer to his face.  

“Relax, James,” you told him firmly as you examined him.

“I— I can’t,” he whispered. 

“Why not?”

“I’ll come.”

Nothing could fight your wide grin anymore, not when you heard that.  “Oh, baby… are you about to come without even being touched?  Is that how much you liked watching Mistress come?”

He nodded, ever so slightly, and you laughed.  Not quite a mocking laugh, moreso impressed.  Prideful, even.  You leaned in to give a wet kiss to his neck, licking over his pulse as he shivered violently.

“That’s my good boy,” you whispered against his skin.  He whined and you cooed soothingly right away, “oh I know, I know.  It’s so unfair, isn’t it?  Mistress gets to come and you don’t…”

“Please,” he stammered, “I’m so close, let me come, please.”

“But I don’t wanna see you come, baby— I wanna see you cry.”

You started to slide your hand down his chest and he jumped up to attention as he tried to squirm away.  “No, please, don’t— don’t touch my cock, not if I can’t come.”

“You can hold it in, can’t you?” you pouted.

“No, I can’t, I can’t,” he sobbed, watching fearfully as your hand moved down to his stomach and over his hips.  

“But I thought you were my good boy,” you frowned, suddenly wrapping your hand tight around his cock as he choked on a gasp.

“Mistress!” he sobbed.  “Please, don’t—  don’t move your hand, I’ll come.”

"Never fucking tell me what to do," you instructed firmly, just barely stroking as he cried weakly.  "I'm gonna touch you however I want and you're not gonna come because you're my good boy, right?"

"No, Mistress, I can't stop it, I'm gonna come— stop, please…"

"You'd better not fucking come," you hissed through your teeth, speeding up your movements and watching his eyes shoot wide open, "you'd better hold it in until I'm done with you."

"I'm trying— please slow down, can't take it—"

You shook your head, tutting disapprovingly.  "No, baby, I tell you what you can take."

"Oh— oh god, Mistress, please, please stop, please, I c-can't— fuck!"

You pulled your hand away the second his cock started to flex but it was too late: come was shooting from his swollen tip and painting his chest and stomach.  You didn't even wait until he was done to backhand him across the face.

"I'm sorry!" he yelled.  "I'm so sorry, I couldn't help it…"

You softened slightly when you heard his broken voice, saw the desperation and fear on his face— it was real, more real than the fake ‘no’s and the encouraging pleas for mercy.  "Baby, it's okay, you tried so hard," you soothed instantly.

Hope filled his eyes just as much as tears as he looked up at you.  "Am I still your good boy?"

"Always," you smiled, caressing his face where it was already turning red from your slap.  

You reached down and caressed his cock with the back of your fingers, watching it flex weakly.  

“Let’s get you cleaned up, alright?”

His lip twitched, almost like a wince.  “Do we… do we have to stop?”

You quickly glanced at the clock.  “Um, no,” you mumbled, “we still have time.  Just tell me what you want.”

“I wanna watch you come again…” he admitted softly.  “Is… is that okay?”

Although you weren’t sure what you’d been expecting, you were still surprised.  “Yeah, sure.”

“But… but closer this time,” he added, “not so far away.”

You were literally laying on top of him, how did that count as far away? 

“I wanna see your face,” he clarified.

“Okay,” you nodded, deciding to indulge him.  It was sort of like aftercare, except that this wasn’t exactly the ‘after’ part yet.

On your knees beside where he was leaning back against the headboard, you slipped your hand down into the lace panties again, finding your clit still swollen but not too sensitive.  A little gasp fell from your lips when you touched it, rubbing it carefully with two fingers while he looked up at your face.  

You felt slightly exposed when he watched you this close, and you didn’t know where to look to avoid direct eye contact.  Looking at his lips was just a little too tempting, so that wouldn’t work.

“My hands are a little tired,” you explained, “they might cramp up.  Maybe I could use your thigh…”

“O-okay,” he nodded, and you removed your fingers from your panties to sit down on the thick muscle of his leg.  You felt him tense up under you slightly, and you carefully began to rock your hips until your clit rubbed just right against the inside of your underwear.  Surely he could feel how wet you were— actually, you both could hear it, almost a wet clicking-like noise as the soaked lace slid against your skin.

The dynamic shifted slightly, not that you minded it, as he watched you ride him carefully.  Just as he couldn’t hide much from you when he was naked and tied up and baring his soul to you in the kinkiest way possible, you couldn’t hide your pleasure from him when he was looking at your face so up-close.  You let your hands carefully roam his body, narrowly avoiding the trails of cooling come he’d left on his stomach and chest, until you found his strong shoulders and held onto them for balance.

“Fuck,” you mumbled to yourself, biting your lip as your sore clit throbbed against his hard, muscular thigh.  

“Will you… could you kiss me?” he requested quietly, and your heart broke a little bit.  You shook your head, and he nodded in understanding.

“I’ll kiss you here,” you offered instead, whispering against his skin before you pressed your lips to his forehead, then his cheek, then his jaw.  “Is that better, James?”

“It helps,” he agreed in a sigh.  

“I’m close,” you warned quietly, pressing your cheek to his and weaving one hand into his hair.  “I’m gonna come again, on your thigh.”

“Let me touch you,” he begged, “just a little, please…”

You nodded, about to reach forward to untie one of his hands, but he snapped the ropes and you had totally forgotten he could do that.  He quickly ran his touch all over your body, calloused hands and bound wrists in stark contrast to your soft skin.  The metal one was a little cold but it didn’t bother you; the other was almost too hot, and it was like being warmed and cooled all at once.

He ran his fingers down your spine, he gripped one of your shoulders, he rubbed your legs: he did everything he must have been wishing he could do this whole time, even gasping as he ran one hand up your chest and over a cup of your bra.  Just as you sensed that he was about to ask if he could touch you there, you nodded and felt his metal hand tug down the red lace and grab your breast— thankfully not very hard, though he did give your nipple a quick pinch which made you gasp.

Burying his face in the crook of your neck, he finally settled his hands on holding your hips, just tight enough to slightly guide your movements as you rocked faster and more desperately.  “Please come,” he begged weakly, “Mistress, please… use me.”

It sort of hit you all at once then, like a punch to the gut.  Except, you know, a lot more fun than getting punched in the gut.

“James,” you gasped, legs quivering where they straddled his as a new patch of slick soaked the lace (and presumably his thigh as well).  He held you tight, kept you moving through it while your fingers tangled in his hair and your mouth fell slack for another, louder moan.

The way his lips moved over your skin, laving your collarbones and pulse point and the innermost corner of your jaw, was positively worshipful; reverent.  “Mistress,” he whispered, almost sounding like praise but tinted with awe.  Your movements slowed down to a stop and the two of you breathed a sigh together, unintentionally.  “Thank you,” he mumbled.

“What for?” you asked, blinking quickly and looking down at him, coming back to reality (though you weren’t quite sure where else it was that you had just been).

“I dunno, everything,” he decided.

“Don’t thank me,” you smiled.  “Keep paying me, though.”

He laughed a little, glancing away.  “Yeah, and I’ll pay you back for these ropes… sorry."

"No, hey, don't be sorry," you dismissed, getting up off of his leg and standing up to go grab a towel for him.  "I'm just sorry we still haven't found anything strong enough to hold you."

"It's fine, they're strong enough to make me stop myself when I want to do something I shouldn't, that's all that really matters."

You nodded to yourself as you dampened the towel and came back to wipe him off.

"I can do that for myself," he reminded you, sounding a bit embarrassed, but you thought it was sweet. 

“You just focus on getting those ropes off of yourself,” you decided with a little smile.

[insomnihan]

han’s Entire Thoughts & Feelings on Dreamcatcher’s “BEcause”

WE ARE F UCKING UNDER ATTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

there are no read mores here so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ALRIGHT SO-

THE SONG WHERE DO I START WELL- I SAW A COMMENT SOMEWHERE THAT WAS LIKE ‘THIS HAS GOODNIGHT CREEPINESS WITH RED SUN ESSENCE’ WHOEVER THAT WAS YOUR BRAIN IS GINORMOUS™ AND WRINKLY- IF YOU LISTEN TO IT THE SLIGHT SUMMER VIBE IS TOTALLY THERE YET THE PIANO AND THE HARP (MAYBE I DUNNO BUT WHAT I DOONO IS THAT IT SLAPS) THE PRE CHORUS BUILD UP FAST AS HELL THE DRUMS ARE FAST AS S HIT THE CLOCK IS SO CREEPY THE GUITAR IS JUST ASDFFJGHLHKL;;’ THE DOUBLE TIME DURING DAMIS RAP THAT WAS LITERALLY™ AN ATTEMPT TO TAKE MY LIFE (they were this 👌 close istg) AND THEN THE BRDIGE…………………… SOMEONE TAKE THE WHEEL-

AND THEN THEIR VOICES POWERFUL AS ALWAYS AND THAT F UCKING DISTORTION S HIT DURING ‘FOREVER LOVE AND FOREVER MINE’ IS ACTUAL DR*GS- i dunno what it is but the instrumental being like that and then (to me anyway) theres such a sweet undertone (???) in how they sing and then knowing the lyrics likE I KNOW THEYRE OBSESSED- B O I DO I MISS A FAST DAMI RAP P L E A S E I FEEL LIKE SHES THREATENING ME I LOVE THAT PSYCHO NOISE B ICYJ- THAT BRIDGE IS F UCKING CRAZY SIYEONS AND HANDONGS AND YOOHYEONS GENTLE VOICES AND THEN S U A!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOUREALLYGOTTACOMEOUTOFTHELEFTGODDAMNFIELDWITHTHATICANTSTANDYOUHOWDAREYOUJUSTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hello hello for the dance section i will be using THE mcountdown performance yEAH THE ONE POSTED BEFORE THE ACTUAL MV/ALBUM DROP- FIRST OF ALL THE INTRO sorry i have to talk about this theyre so creepy and doll like and jiu is so menacing lIKE WHAT THE F UCK IS THAT (someone answer me what iN THE F CUK did she feed yoohyeon)- NOW ANYWAY I HAVE THINGS TO SAY ABOUT THE ACTUAL DANCE-

OFF THE BAT THE MIRROR INTRODUCTION IS *CHEFS KISS* and then gahyeon choking jiu?????????? LORE????????? IN CHOREOGRAPHY?????????

LISTEN. L I S T E N. ALL OF THEM LIFTING YOOHYEON AT 1:29 LIKE THATS INSANE AND SO FITTING FOR THIS SONG AND VIBE plus yknow………………… handong doing a lot of the lifting………… 👉👈

this specific video doesnt show it during suas verse (which is like Rude™ but fine they show it elsewhere obv) but when shes singing and the rest of them are dropping down slowly………………… yeah-

THE CHORUS EVERY👏SINGLE👏F UCKING👏TIME👏 LIKE THE POSE THEY DO FOR ‘BE’?????????????? THE POWER AND THE GENIUS™ OF IT??????????????????????

DAMI UNHAND ME UNHOLY DEMON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the bridge…………… the rocking from side to side…………… whatever the f uck handong and yoohyeon are doing…………… it was almost like sua was controlling everyone right like deadass im scared-

THE DANCE BREAK PLS LET ME BREATHE

the ending with everyone bowing but gahyeon…………

BICTH……………… BICHY- THE VISUALS JUST KEEP LEVELING THE F UCK UP THATS LIT RALLY INSANE I LOVE THAT FOR THEM- the moment that mystery code was revealed and we were getting demented creepy carnival i waS V I B R A T I N G™ WITH EXCITEMENT the creepy scenery of the  dark hotel lobby and the rundown carnival with the merry go round and teacups AND WITH A CULT and the hallway with the mirrors and the lights (like the use of SO much red and green……… the symbolism………) JUST EVERYTHING IS SO F UCKING ABANDONED AND S HIT- THE LITERAL MIRRORING AND DIMENSION S HIT WHAT THE F UCK!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT CREEPY ASS ROOM WHERE THEY KIDNAPPED GAHYEON IN AND SIYEON WAS ACTING ALL TWITCHY OR WHATEVER WHAT WAS THAT-

TIME TO SHOW WHICH SCENES I LIKED

THE WHOLE GODDAMN THI-

(jk ☺️)

OFF THE BAT GAHYEON MAIN CHARACTER I KNOW THATS RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

…………………… i just wanted to put this here-

i just wanted to put this here too-

HOW DID YOU EVEN GET HERE

id like to think that the real handong is one getting dragged away and the one standing is the doppelganger (for Plot™ purposes)

W H A T T H E F U C K

I DUNNO WHAT TO SAY OTHER THAN IM SCARED-

G OD WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE THIS PART WAS SO WEIRD WHAT DOES THIS MEAN WHAT DOES IT MEAN

HELLO??????????????????

yeah sure let me take this apple from this broken mirror where another me lies within the walls of this creepy hotel anD EAT IT

W E L P-

………………………………… F-

T H E M

I DUNNO HOW IM BREATHING RN-

JIU

whaT IN THE F UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS SCENE IN THIS SCREENSHOT IS ALREADY A LOT the way she looks seemingly unassuming and harmless in that reception desk that brown and white outfit (is her hair in like………… pigtails???) and then the smile to the instant glare you jusT KNOW youre gonna d*e in that place- MAAAAN BANGS OR NO BANGS SHES STUNNING EITHER WAY AND THATS SO RUDE………… the white dress and those red ACTUAL TALONS will be the d*ath of me

SUA

if i counted correctly she had three (3) different outfits??? outside of the dance ones??? white and red then black and purple then that green and black one??? i think of all of those i really like the red and the green one theres SOMETHING ABOUT THEM i think the green one with the big puffy sleeves more NOT BC ITS MY FAVORITE COLOR I SWEAR the green looks silky and then she also has the thing on the side of her face the pearls in her hair- AND THEN THAT RED ONE with the white sleeves and the frilly collar dude whAT THE F UCK LIKE I KNOW WE SAW IT A LOT BUT I WANNA SEE MORE THO……………

SIYEON

OKAYOKAYOKAY LOOK- THIS OUTFIT IN THIS SCREENSHOT I FEEL LIKE I SHOULDNT LIKE IT YET I DO????????????? two completely different looking patterns that animal print and the strips and then that big ass belt (???) around her waist like this shouldnt be like a GOOD look i dont think……… truly only She™ could make this look work 😔😔😔 i got A LOT A LOT to say about the red and orange plaid crop top and skirt with the different colored clips in her head but the only thought going through my Dumb of Ass Stupid Brain™ iS HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

HANDONG

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY NATURAL BLONDE BELOVED this white dress and the BLACK BOOTS AND THE CHOKER SHE BETTER S TOP- AND DO NOT I REPEAT D O N O T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SPEAK TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ON THAT SHORT WHITE DRESS WITH THE WHITE BOOTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHOEVER STYLED HER YOU DONT CARE ABOUT ME AND THE OTHER HANDONGISTS YET I ALSO LOVE YOU SO MUCH the one with the pink dress dont talk to me dont approach me donT EVEN F UCKING LOOK AT ME IM GOING THROUGH A LOT RN

YOOHYEON

im really Dumb of Ass™ i thought that one pink and (maybe???) super light blue dress had a clock on it- BUT MOVING ON FROM THAT the space buns and whatever those accessories those are and the pink makeup this is sO- then the white dance outfit with those (mesh??? lace??? i just know that its see through-) sleeves and those big ass earrings THAT LOOK AT 2:24 the boots (yeah i gotta mention that first since i just ALWAYS have to mention them) the white blazer all those pearl long ass necklaces and whatever that is on the side of her face why do her visuals HURT SO BAD-

DAMI

bicth…………………………………… B I C T H- WHAT HAS THIS WOMAN BEEN DOING??????!!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!??!??!?!?! THIS OUTFIT IS SUCH AN ATTACK I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS ON HER FACE THIS WHOLE LOOK IS SOMETHING ELSE™ her tattoo 🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵 that bottom part of her hair is kinda clapped tho honestly- the pig tails?????? braids?????? in the dancing part on the black and white tiles IM DOWN YALL IM DOWN SO BAD AND ITS F UCKING RUDE™ THAT WE DONT SEE S HIT OF THAT DRESS AT THE END-

GAHYEON

IM GONNA SAY IT AGAIN LEE👏GAHYEON👏MAIN👏CHARACTER👏I👏KNOW👏THATS👏RIGHT👏👏👏👏👏👏👏!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS RED HAIR IS A BLESSING (especially in that high ponytail i-) SHE IS ATTACKING ME BUT YKNOW WHAT THATS OKAY- im SURE theres a plot significance to her two different dresses the mostly black and the mostly white but my brain can only register WOMAN PRETTY that white one in particular…………… the choker with her hair up and those boots…………… i saw it clear as day and im d wording over it-

BONUS TIME: B-SIDE TRACKS (thoughts and parts i liked)

Intro

i usually expect the intro to be like SUPER HYPE AND INTENSE yknow which it kinda is! however it is consistent that it fits very well and captures the overall vibe of the entire album the calm beginning with the bell like were walking into an establishment and at the halfway point it picks up its intriguing and the ‘i like you’ adds a subtle eeriness that adds just enough to make one wanna continue listening its v good 👌

Airplane

LISTEN……………… LISTEN- this is the VERY LAST genre i expected out of this group YET im not even a little bit shocked that they did this like this cutesy izone-esque summer bop of a song is a DREAMCATCHER™ song……………… YALL- THE AMOUNT OF SEROTONIN THAT ‘AIRPLANE LALALALALALA~~~~~~~’ BRINGS IS SOMETHING SO PERSONAL THIS SECOND GENERATION SUMMERY ASS INSTRUMENTAL WHAT IN THE F UCK- I FEEL LIKE IM RUNNING ON THE BEACH I FEEL THE COLD WIND OF THE WATER BUT THE HEAT OF THE SUN AGAINST MY SKIN AND IM PLAYING WITH A DAMN BEACH BALL WITH A COCONUT DRINK (I F UCKING H*TE LEAVING MY HOUSE) JIU AND DAMI SOUND SO F UCKING PHENOMENAL

Whistle

im pretty firm on believing these b sides represent different times of a summer day and this is the late evening or twilight like not nighttime but CLOSE- i thought i wasnt gonna like the whistling part but that only makes it catchieR THIS SONG IS MAKING ME YEARN AND TRYING TO RECALL LOVELY MEMORIES I DONT EVEN HAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! then again……………… theres always usually a song on their albums that make me unlock and feel hidden emotions………… THIS SONG GOT ME MISSING A PERSON THAT ISNT REAL this is such a mellow yet so powerful in the way they sing and express each syllable- they all did so good on this song but i gotta mention dami again for her part like oH mY gOoOoOooOoOOOooOD

Alldaylong

JIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the way this song was inspired by a hug jiu got from yoohyeon…………… THIS IS NOT A JOKE she said ‘i wanna try city pop’ anD SHE DONE DID IT- i have NO IDEA how this song managed to hold so much joy and light happiness in every word and instrument used in this but im :ccccccc i literally wanna hug someone after listening to this 😔😔😔 this also makes me yearn for something but at least this one isnt unrealistic or unobtainable i dont think! there are some songs out there that make me cry from its lyrics and its sound but THIS ONE the lyrics and just how happy this song is bro reading the lyrics im about to cry for like the fifth time- they who im love so much… :ccccccc doesnt it make you just wanna hug someone and tell them you love them????????? that you appreciate them??????????

해바라기의 마음 (A Heart of Sunflower)

i knew FOR A FACT FOR👏A👏FACT👏 that they were gonna have a ballad for this album bc road to utopia didnt have one i will admit i was one of the 🤡 that thought jiu would be credited on this song 😬😬😬 ANYWAY- AGAIN WITH THE DAMN YEARNING FOR SOMETHING BUT THIS TIME IM F UCKING SAD AS S HIT why must this song be so powerful to make me emotional before i even got to read the lyrics to fully grasp it……………………… now im truly yearning in the Sad™ way and waiting for some imaginary person who i dont even know will even come back…………………… those damn adlibs are pretty as hell it was sua (and i have to mention dami again okay shes really killing it on this she woNT LET ME LIVE-) who got me feeling this the most like yeah…………………… i am a fool…………… im a fool for loving and missing someone who just disappeared from my lifE G O D D A M N IT-

LIKE this is COMPLETELY surprising album BUT IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE as its described it really is a ‘special’ album as while the title track still has their music style and sound theres still an element of summer (a very Terrifying™ summer BUT a ✨Summer✨ album nonetheless) like the b sides are SO different and COMPLETELY caught me off guard when i listened to the highlight medley YET this group of seven amazing and talented women pulled it off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its extremely obvious at this point that their steady and organic growth has grown VERY HIGH this time and (although im still very confused by how everything was released and announced BUT i digress) this different kind of method in performing the song the day before seemed to work?????????? I DUNNO WHAT TO SAY ANYMORE this section could literally be summed to just I LOVE DREAMCATCHER SO MUCH 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

IN CONCLUSION: LISTEN TO THIS ALBUM BECAUSE ITS BOMB AS F UCK

AND AS ALWAYS

[royalynx]

(   *  💀  /  daniel ezra, cis male, he/him  )  —  is that kingsley shacklebolt i just saw rushing down the corridor? i hear they’re a twenty two year old gryffindor, returning for their seventh school year, but their friends would tell you that they are grounded & commanding as well as opinionated & strong-willed. if you want to know more about them, i guess i could tell you that they’re pureblood, and from what i hear, they’re currently allying with the order. when our divination professor looks into their crystal ball, they see: the calming presence in the back of the room, muggle records hidden in drawers, steaming mugs of tea, the warmth of a hug, the burn of quiet fury.

CHARACTER INSPIRATION: Luke Cage (Jessica Jones), Kingsley Shacklebolt (Books: Order of the Phoenix through Deathly Hallows), Jake Reilly (Private Practice), Terry Jeffords (Brooklyn Nine-Nine), Alphonso ‘Mack’ Mackenzie (Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.), Matt Simmons (Criminal Minds), Odafin Tutuola (Law and Order: SVU), Spencer James (All American).

TRIGGER WARNINGS: ???

LINKS: Pinterest (Coming Soon). Playlist (Coming Soon).

𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐒

I N T R O

full name ➵ Kingsley Akiel Shacklebolt

nicknames ➵ King; Kings; Kas; Shack; Shacklebolt; Royal

pronouns ➵ he/him/his

orientation ➵ bisexual biromantic

birthdate / age ➵ May 8th, 1957, 15:32 am / 22 years old

birthplace ➵ Birmingham, England

childhood home ➵ Birmingham, England

current residence ➵ Hogwarts, Scotland

religion ➵ atheist

occupation ➵ full - time student at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry

P H Y S I C A L

height ➵ 5 feet, 10 1/2 inches / 179 cm

weight ➵ 78 kg / 171lb

body type ➵ mesomorph ( athletic; generally hard body; well defined muscles; rectangular shaped body; strong; gains muscle easily; gains fat easily )

hair ➵ black, shaved/cropped 

eye color ➵ dark brown

dominant hand ➵ ambidextrous

FC ➵ Daniel Ezra

voice ➵ Daniel Ezra

special characteristics ➵

tattoo of a lion on the back of his neck that roars when danger is near

acne scars on cheeks

perfect posture

smells of ➵

broom wax

toothpaste

lavender, anise, basil, bergamot and lemon; geranium, ylang-ylang and jasmine; oakmoss, vetiver, tonka bean, patchouli, vanilla and sandalwood - Brut by Faberge

E M O T I O N A L

zodiac ➵ taurus sun (x); virgo rising; virgo moon

MBTI ➵ ISTJ (“The Logistician”)

positive traits ➵  grounded; commanding; courageous; considerate; observant; dedicated; forbearing to an almost mind-boggling degree; put-together; knowledgeable; self-reliant.

neutral traits ➵ fearless; calming; stolid; diplomatic; paternalistic.

negative traits ➵ opinionated; strong-willed; quiet; stubborn; high-minded; aloof to some; reticent; stoic; overcritical; has very high expectations of himself & others.

likes ➵ playing Quidditch; freshly baked bread; playing Gobstones at 3am; a warm bed; muggle record players; purple; watching the sea; forehead kisses; DADA; organized notes; wearing rings; honeycakes; David Bowie; dragonhide boots; chocolate frogs; firedrakes; Charms; Firewhiskey; watching the fire in the Gryffindor common room; twenty; red wine; laughing with Frank and Alastor; Transfiguration; The Beatles; his sister

dislikes ➵ legilimency; bigotry; raisins in chocolate; Divination; messy desks; foggy London; Sacred 28; people flaking on him; his team losing Quidditch matches; pumpkin juice; using school brooms; sushi; magic quills; pixies; History of Magic; the treatment of squibs by wizarding society; muddy orange; gigglewater; the texture of mushrooms; feeling unsettled; licorice; rollercoasters; toads; the word mudblood; Turkish delight

amortentia ➵

freshly cut grass

roast chicken dinner

aftershave

sandalwood

M A G I C

blood status ➵ pureblood

wand ➵ Alder wood with cherry trailed over the front like the path of a river, or a lightning bolt, White River Monster spine core, 14 and a 1/4 inches, solid

whilst Alder makes for an unyielding wood, its ideal owner is not stubborn or obstinate, but often helpful, considerate and most likeable. Whereas most wand woods seek similarity in the characters of those they will best serve, alder is unusual in that it seems to desire a nature that is, if not precisely opposite to its own, then certainly of a markedly different type. When an alder wand is happily placed, it becomes a magnificent, loyal helpmate. Of all wand types, alder is best suited to non-verbal spell work, whence comes its reputation for being suitable only for the most advanced witches and wizards. (Cherry, a very rare wand wood creates a wand of strange power, most highly prized by the wizarding students of the school of Mahoutokoro in Japan, where those who own cherry wands have special prestige. The Western wand-purchaser should dispel from their minds any notion that the pink blossom of the living tree makes for a frivolous or merely ornamental wand, for cherry wood often makes a wand that possesses truly lethal power, whatever the core, but if teamed with dragon heartstring, the wand ought never to be teamed with a wizard without exceptional self-control and strength of mind.) The use of a  White River Monster spine produced spells of force and elegance. 

patronus ➵ Lynx

E D U C A T I O N

Hogwarts class ➵ Gryffindor, 1981

extracurriculars ➵

Gryffindor Prefect / September 1980 - June 1981

Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch Team / September 1979 - June 1981

Gryffindor Chaser / October 1975 - June 1981

Charms Club / September 1975 - June 1981

Toothill Duelling Club / September 1978 - June 1981

Slug Club / December 1977 - June 1981

courses & exams ➵

Ancient Runes - O

Charms - O

Defense Against the Dark Arts - O

Herbology - O

Arithmancy - O

Muggle Studies - O

Potions - O

Transfiguration - O

Care of Magical Creatures - O

now studying Alchemy ( predicted an O )

M I S C E L L A N E O U S

health ➵

strawberry allergy

pets ➵ 

Archimedes; the family owl ( great horned owl )

handwriting ➵ Sebastian Bobby

F A M I L Y

Ora Shacklebolt (nee Kayoude) ➵ paternal grandmother; socialite; alive

Kingsley Shacklebolt I ➵ grandfather; Wizengamot member; alive

Yara Audley (nee Idowu) ➵ maternal grandmother; homeschooled; apothecary worker; alive

Akiel Audley ➵ maternal grandfather; homeschooled; Quidditch supply store owner; alive

Alaric Shacklebolt I ➵ father; Gryffindor; Senior Auror for the DMLE; alive

Meera Shacklebolt ➵ mother; homeschooled (opted out of attending Ilvermorny / Hogwarts); apothecary worker; alive

Eralia Audley ➵ maternal aunt; homeschooled; Senior Assistant to the Jamaican Minister of Magic; alive

Gabrielle Shacklebolt ➵ paternal aunt; Hufflepuff; Ministry employee; alive

Edward Shacklebolt (took wife’s name) ➵ paternal uncle; Hufflepuff; job; alive

Khenan Shacklebolt ➵ paternal uncle; Ravenclaw; curse breaker for Gringotts; alive

Kingsley Akiel Shacklebolt (II) ➵ self; Gryffindor; Future Senior Auror for the DMLE; alive

Bianca Omnira Shacklebolt ➵ sister; fifth year Ravenclaw; unknown future; alive

𝐅𝐑𝐄𝐄𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐌

his parents used to say he was born for diplomacy. that’s what they’d drilled into him since he was born: fight the good fight, be honest and good and stay calm, always. they can only catch you off guard when you aren’t. he’d always been somewhat of a natural diplomat — the oldest child, expectations hung from his shoulders as if they were coats and he, a coat rack. he’d always been a quiet child, somewhat unassuming, almost shy, content to play and be alone, often found even as a baby, simply amusing himself with his fist over crying, wailing for attention. when they attended the galas and balls befitting of a family part of the sacred 28, little changed. in fact, he was praised for it — how level-headed he was, even when all he wanted to do was scream and shout and set fire to the curtains by the window to stop them yammering on about the importance of blood purity and their precious, precious privilege, how he smiled politely and shook hands and never, ever made a scene. he hated them. he hated every last one of them. their fake smiles and empty eyes, how they hated for no reason and believed themselves to be superior — a kernel of a fallacy that kingsley, even as a child, could never subscribe to.

but kingsley was nothing if not a good man, and a good son, and so, he stayed silent — at least, to everyone who never crossed the boundaries of their home. to them, kingsley was a young wizard who showed particular promise in their circle, but to those who saw him at home, his internal torture over it was obvious. he had muggle neighbours, even muggle friends, people who made him laugh and gave his parents presents when his beloved baby sister was born, and he could not abide the dual life his parents were living. when they were home, they were tolerant — amused, even, by the muggles they surrounded themselves with, something his mother always said was to keep them grounded, because she’d already lost one sibling to pureblood mania and refused to lose herself, or her husband, or either of her children. when they were at the galas, they were cold, a little aloof, they laughed along with jokes at muggles expenses, they shook hands, ate appetisers, danced and never seemed to show any remorse for the roles they had to play those nights, though he knew they had to feel guilty (he hoped they felt guilty.) he knew they felt they had to do it to survive — to thrive, even, in a world in which they weren’t always welcome, but he hates it.

he loves his family. kingsley loves them with every part of him, loves his younger sister with his entire heart, is never not seen at home without her practically hanging off his ankles, and then his knees, and then his hips, until she’s too tall and too old for that, he loves his mother and relishes her hugs and the way she always knows what to say to make him feel better, he loves his father and that deep, slow river of calm that seems to run through him, the same river kingsley has always felt took root in him, but he hates their legacy. he hates their part in the sacred twenty eight. he hates every part of it. he hates that they agreed to this — to what feels like a mortal lock, an unbreakable vow, tying themselves to this until the end of time. he hates that he understands why — their blood runs pure, he knows, in other wizards standards, but knowing what the sacred twenty eight stands for? what it really represents? kingsley thinks that their blood is the blood that’s dirty, that they’re the ones who ought to be ashamed of themselves for their existence, that they’re the ones who value opulence and power over people’s lives and that makes them wrong and evil and undeserving of their magic. it’s the first time — the only time — his parents have ever seen him truly angry — he remembers it well, being fourteen and all uncontrolled fury for the first time, how the quiet anger had burned and swelled under his skin until he couldn’t hold it in anymore, and how he’d made all the glass windows in the dining room shatter, the glass raining like sand when his father waved it away with a swish of his wand, kingsley’s chest heaving as he yells, raging against their indifference, feeling oddly soothed when his mother pulls him into his arms and whispers that she’s sorry. she’s sorry. she knows, she knows. he wishes that were enough — that apology, that acknowledgement that they were — are — hypocrites.

even still, his love for his family, flaws and all, remains, though he’s slowly pulled back from any engagement with the pureblood world over the years. he’s very proud to be his father’s son — the son of an auror, recipient of the order of merlin second class — and his mother’s. he’s proud to be his sister’s big brother, her protector. he’s even more proud when he gets his letter to hogwarts, confirming what they all already knew — magic is strong in the shacklebolt family. he picks up the family wand, purchased in america in the early 1920s — alder with cherry trailed over the front like the path of a river, or a lightning bolt, white river monster spine core, fourteen and a quarter inches, solid — and he feels a piece of himself slots firmly into place. hogwarts is where his father went, where his father’s father went (over ilvermorny), and though he can no longer pretend to be complacent to their every whim in regards to the sacred twenty eight (something which both his parents have since begun to shun), he knows getting sorted into gryffindor would make them both proud, and that’s what he wants, so that’s what be did — the bat barely touched his head before declaring him a gryffindor. even now, as a twenty two year old seventh year on the brink of graduating into a fully fledged war, he wants to make them proud. he wants to be a pillar of strength, safety, tolerance, love, support, he wants to be the friendly face ushering people to safety, he wants to be the one raining hellfire down on the prejudiced idiots who think that they’re any different to anyone else, with magic or without, on this planet, that they’re superior in any way because of their blood.

[starstruckmyths]

Canon Steve Bucky but mandalorian like cult exists and Bucky who escaped hydra early joins it so Steve defrosted in the future meets this heroic man who never shows his face and... You know how it goes

S T U C K Y   M A N D A L O R I A N   A U

Please please please I’ll come to your ask in a bit but my mind just pushed something forward and I’ll give this a little ramble before I will unleash my thoughts about yours.

First, some lore about the Mandalorians, taken straight from the Wiki: 

The Mandalorians were a clan-based cultural group that was composed of members from multiple species all bound by a common culture, creed, and code. 

Originating from the planet Mandalore, the Mandalorians' history was one of warriors who would become feared throughout the galaxy, gaining a reputation as mercenaries and bounty hunters. 

The Way of the Mandalore involved protecting fellow Mandalorians but also wearing a helmet at all times. The cult's ideology stated that if a Mandalorian removed their helmet in front of another living being, they were no longer permitted to wear it. 

You could go so many directions with this I’m FREAKING OUT. First of all: Space AU. Mandalorian Stucky AU in space I’m S H A K I N G. One of them is the Mandalorian, a warrior and bounty hunter through and through, and then it could go so many ways, honestly. 

The other is a “helpless” villager being terrorized by some kind of monster, but who later shows willingness to fight and a certain amount of spunk and fire in them. 

The other is a different kind of bounty hunter/warrior and they’re both going after the same target, and so end up fighting for it, but then decide to maybe share the bounty, or perhaps they face a bigger threat and need to team up.

The other IS the bounty and they get ~taken~ to be turned in. But then it turns out that the cause is everything but noble, and that turning the other in could be catastrophic. Maybe HYDRA is a kind of organization there too, and they’re set on having Steve/Bucky for information or general evilness, and then the Mandalorian figures out they have to protect the other. 

But that’s the space AU ramble, you said something about... 

Modern Mandalorian AU

Bucky is the one with the helmet and doesn’t take it off -- NONNIE OH NONNIE, WHERE DO I START

I literally cannot function my head is flooding my crops have been watered my mind is rambling and bumbling and stumbling and it’s too many thoughts shfsklfjahfkjdfhfhksajfhsfs [<-- that is me, making a Windows shut-down noise].

In episode 4 of The Mandalorian, the protagonist Mandalorian meets a charming village woman who’s very kind to him, and she almost removes his helmet, and he almost lets her. That’s what I want to talk about here, because I feel that single scene would build this entire AU. 

Steve trying to take off Bucky’s mask, Bucky almost letting him before he breaks it off at the last moment. Not because he is not completely swept away by the brave young man with the most gorgeous eyes he’s ever seen, but because he can’t. He’s not supposed to do this. Being with Steve... that can never be his life. He can never have that. People like him never can.  

And I wrote a scene about that because OF COURSE I DID

Just imagine: 

|X|

Silence had fallen unlike any other silence ever had. 

It was as if the Earth itself had decided to stop spinning just for them, the breeze had laid down at their feet and the noise of the ever-bustling city had faded to a background ring barely to be heard. 

A light breath slipped passed his lips, one he was sure was not to be felt through the mask. They stood so close the tips of their shoes almost touched, and Steve thought to feel some kind of warmth, though he could have imagined it. The soldier let him, allowed him to come so close even though a distance had been kept before. 

Steve lifted his hands from along his sides, fingers uncurled and lax, posing no threat to the other who had most likely only ever seen threats in his life. The pale blue eyes followed his movements. Attentively, but not of fear or hostility, no. There was something almost curious to them, a sparkle of something hidden beneath the surface. He grazed the pads of his fingers along the fabric of the mask, imagining it to be the bare skin of the face hidden beneath, and he cupped the Kevlar in his hands, keeping the rough exterior against his palms. 

It was then that he wondered how many people had done this before him - if there had ever been any at all. He slid his hands a little further, heart brimming with the unspoken permission. No words were said, and yet he knew it was alright, he knew he was allowed. His gaze went from the mask to the hair, to the suit and even briefly to the ground, but they always went back to the eyes, to look into those pools of pale blue that haunted his dreams and lay at the tip of his tongue, but he could never quite figure out why. 

Why were they so familiar to him?

His fingers found the clasp of the mask, the only thing keeping it on so securely. All he had to do was press and click, and then pull away to let the mask come off. It was so simple, and yet there was a tremble to his hands as he lay his tips on the edges. They were in a kind of half-hug, Steve’s arms resting partially on the soldier’s shoulders, and were they to take one step closer they would be wrapped in a tender embrace, chest to chest, nose to mask. 

Before he could loosen the clasp and finally gaze upon the treasure of the hidden caves, another set of hands landed on his own, taking them oh so gently and bringing them back. They were not pushed or pulled, but rather kept. The soldier had his hands around Steve’s own, holding them between them as if to share a lover’s minute. 

“I cannot,” the soldier spoke, his voice holding an edge of withheld grief, “This is the Way.”

Steve only just managed to take another breath, his lungs so deprived of air it was as if he was too high up to ever come back down. His heart raced, faster than a horse’s in a race, and he swallowed around his own disappointment, mustering a smile to his face as he held the tender gaze. “I understand.”

The soldier released one of his hands, bringing it up to Steve’s face in much the same way as Steve had done before. The fingers uncurled and lax, the backs stroking down his cheek in a way so horribly soft he was not able to suppress the shiver crawling down his spine. Then the soldier cupped his face, fingers lying warm and heavy beneath his ear as the thumb rested on his cheek. 

Just like before, the eyes pierced into his, so deep and profound, as if he would drown if he looked for too long. The soldier released a breath of his own, a sound almost melancholic. 

“No,” he said, “You don’t.”

|X|

Oh look now I’ve made myself bittersweet sad. 

I just-- I’m a rambling mess, Nonnie. Oh my goodness. I’m just- I can’t. I love this. My head is spinning and I love it so much. 

I imagine the AU would be like Steve seeing Bucky sweep in to fight a group of dangerous criminals, getting in and out on a whim, and he becomes rather interested in this ~mysterious soldier~. 

He tries to get the soldier’s attention, probably by showing off. He jumps out of planes, takes on way too many bad guys for his own good, showcases some of his abilities, gets into a lot of trouble hoping that a certain someone will save him. 

He half-fails, half-succeeds, as he has to save himself but what do you know, the mystery man is standing right outside the building. They introduce themselves. Or rather... Steve does, and the mysterious man is just The Soldier. Steve goes along, trying to ask questions, to find out, to know. 

Soldier/Bucky won’t admit it, but he finds it endearing, and it’s been so long since someone has worried for him, or has been so interested in him. 

Nonnie, you clearly have an idea, and I KNOW you’ve been thinking out parts and plots for yourself. Feel free to come back any time and tell me all about it. 

Stucky Modern Mandalorian AU(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*✲ﾟ*｡⋆

[dreamyjoons]

00-Beginning-Shift // knj

⇢ being stuck in the sleepy town on the edge of a forest is the last thing you need after your grandma’s passing. But a forest ranger, stormy nights and deep amber eyes that sit deep in the woods mean that nothing is sleepy for long. 

genre/warnings: smut, angst! Werewolf!Namjoon x reader. Werewolf fighting, minor injury and blood, swearing, two v different smut scenes, unprotected sex, oral (m receiving), fingering, impreg kink, knotting, biting + marking, creampie + lots of it, slight cumplay, some rough smut and some soft, dirty talk. yeah.

words: 21k

A/N: FINALLY i have finished this damn fic. And just in time for Halloween! I hope you all enjoy. Header by Lucy, my shining light. Thanks ho!

Now, you may notice a few faces pop up in this, a question or two left unanswered. This is a little taste of the land that lies in The Tangier Wilds, home to all sorts of beings. You should probably keep an eye out in the next couple months - right, @underthejinfluence? We have a lot ahead, and the shift at the Tangier Wilds is just beginning.

The thing no one talks about with small town is silence.

Sure, there’s always something going on, everyone knows everyone and life always bubbles on. But it’s the moments in between, the suffocating quiet that can take hold of you.

As you stand out on the old wrap-around veranda, eyes transfixed by the huge forest ahead of you, the silence stretches.

Maybe it was because you were standing on the decking of your grandma’s favourite place - where she wanted to spend every last second until the end. Or maybe it was the fact that you had to be the one to pack up and sell on everything of hers. Either way, noise would’ve been very welcome.

The deck creaks behind you, and against your leg brushes something warm. You flinch at the contact, only to peer down and see your grandma’s faithful companion: an elderly mastiff named Luna.

You bend down and stroke the top of her head, smiling as she leans into your hand. Dragging your eyes back up to the forest that looks past the reaches of the open garden, you heave a heavy sigh. Even in the daylight it looked dark and creepy. But it was just trees, you knew that.

You’d only been in town a few hours. But you’d been stopped by at least three locals who knew who you were on sight. After they all offered you kind words about the passing of your grandma, each of them told you to be wary of the woods.

Turning back to the house, you grabbed the keys to the pick-up your gran left you and turn to lock up the house. Luna scurries past you, jumping up into the truck bed and wagging her tail excitedly at you.

"Come on, girl." You sigh, hand sitting on your hip.

The dog merely lets out a soft 'boof' at you as she plonks her butt down, wiggling as she wags her tail. Sighing, you turn and lock up the house before climbing into the driving seat.

You slide open the window to the truck bed, and Luna slowly clambers her way through, wiggling her little legs through as she shuffles into the seat beside you. You give her a little scratch behind the ear as you turn on the engine, pulling the vehicle slowly up the winding drive and out to the small twisting road that leads to town.

Rolling hills settle on one side of you, whilst the forest lines the road on the other. You could barely see past the few rows of trees, a swirling fog rolling across the expanse of dark green.

The low crackle of the radio is the only noise that follows you, the white noise settling eerily on the landscape that surrounds you. Luna sits patiently beside you, eyes fixed on the treeline as you make the half an hour journey into town.

Eventually, you arrive at the nearby town - more of a high street than anything, local shops and boutiques lining the old road. It was a textbook old town, with a little diner on the outskirts and no chain stores; save for the supermarket whos neon sign sits glaringly bold against the sleepy bricks of the town.

You pull into a space along the street as the rain starts to descend. It's more of a fog than rain, but it clings to you as soon as you step out of the truck.

"Sorry girl, I don't think they allow dogs in the store."

You crank the window down despite the chill in the air and shut the door. Luna whines a little, but you wave at her.

"I'll be quick!"

You turn from the truck and jog the distance to the store, the rain permeating through your thin clothes. Cursing the weather of the small town, you grab a basket and begin gathering the essentials.

Your Grandma passing left little in the way of edible foods. Anything in the fridge had gone off, and you weren't particularly interested in the incredible amount of tinned plums and corn soups she had stored away.

A quick ten minutes and two full bags of provisions later, you hovered at the door, watching as the sky poured heavily onto the streets. Steeling yourself, you shoulder through the door and begin to run the distance to your car. The rain flattens your damp hair to your face, your jeans sticking awkwardly to your legs as you push forward.

It would have been an easy task, had you not managed to trip over your feet. You never hit the ground, but a loaf of bread falls from your bags and some apples begin to run away from you. The rain falls hard on you, and you know that if you're not quick, the bags in your arms were going to disintegrate.

Swearing under your breath and feeling the rain seeping through your clothes and chilling you, you stoop awkwardly to pick everything up.

The rain suddenly stops pounding on you, the relief and cold immediately settling in. Noticing the rain still falling just ahead, you spin behind you to see a man in a deep green ranger's uniform standing over you with a large umbrella held over you both.

"Uh... hello?" You say dumbly at the man, flicking your head to get your wet hair out of your face.

"Hello ma'am, need some help?" He smiles down at you, dimples riveting on his cheeks as his eyes gently take in your damp appearance.

"God yes, please."

A breathy laugh passes his lips as he watches you stand, sliding an arm around one of your bags and taking it from you. After quickly rounding up your escapes groceries, he lets you lead him to where the truck sat. Once you'd got the door open and the shopping shoved safely in the dry, you turn to him.

He stands close so that you both fit under the umbrella, hand reaching out to stroke Luna through the cracked window. With him distracted you cast a quick glance over him, your heart thumping wildly in your chest.

He was hot. And not in an obnoxious way - he was wholesome. And hot.

His honey hair was pushed back from his face, his uniform pressed over his obviously in-shape body, and a ranger’s badge with one above it saying ‘chief’ sat pinned to his chest.  His little dimples draw your eyes as he grins at Luna, ringed fingers stroking behind her ears.  You make a subconscious mental note that there as no ring on his wedding finger - before promptly scolding yourself.

"Well, thank you officer." you croak. He looks back at you and you almost squeak at how tender he looks.

"Namjoon, please. We're not that kind of place."

"Namjoon, cute. I'm Y/N."

"Yes, I know." He smiles, a little redness cropping across his cheeks. You're floored, watching in delight as it spreads.

"Your gran, she talked about you a lot."

A small smile picks up on your lips. Of course your grandma did - she couldn't be contained. You realise Namjoon was still there, waiting. You meet his gentle eyes and smile.

"That sounds about right."

"You staying at her place now?"

"Yeah, packing up all her stuff so it'll sell. I'm trying to work with the solicitor here in town but he's a little..."

"He's an asshole." Joon smirks, and a laugh burst from you, relief flooding you.

"Yeah, he's an asshole. Mr Min's not the easiest to deal with."

"I know. But I'm friends with his son, Yoongi, and I can promise they're not all like that."

The conversation lulls, and a comfortable silence settles upon you. The rain hammers against his umbrella, the breeze drifting through the gaps between you. Noticing the shiver that consumes you, he clears his throat awkwardly.

"You better go before you catch something nasty. The sicknesses that go around here aren't to be tested."

He pulls open your door and moves the umbrella so that you can get in the car dryly. Heat creeping across your face, you jump in, slamming the door shut beside you and rolling the window down.

"Well, thanks again." You smile as you lean against the door, your eyes meeting his.

He smiles back at you, but it slips off his face as he presses against the side of your truck, his eyebrows creased as he looks at you.

"Y/N, do me a favour."

His sudden change in demeanour slides over you, cutting deeper than the chill settling into your bones. You nod slowly, wrapping your arms around yourself.

"Don't go into the woods."

"Why does everyone keep telling me that? What's so bad about it?"

"Just... bad things happen in the woods. People go in and often don't come out. I don't want that to happen with you."

You sit your hands on top of the wheel, eyes locked into an intense stare. You wanted to know what the big deal was. But you were an outsider in this small town. There wasn't going to be a lot that you would be told - you were gonna have to find out for yourself.

You let your eyes drop to his soft lips, the little dimple that sits on his cheek, and back to the warm eyes that now had a sharp edge to them.

"Okay, fine."

At your words he deflates a little, pressing away from the car and an easy smile slipping onto his face. He taps the hood lightly, offers Luna and then you a small wave and then turns, walking down the street with the umbrella propped against his shoulder.

you watch him walk away, eyes lightly flicking down to his tightly-clad trousers before setting on the top of your wheel.

Blowing out a sigh, and cranking the heating up in the truck to max, you turn on the engine and pet Luna on the head. You pull out of the rainy town, starting the windy journey back to your grandma's.

-- --

Once the groceries were stowed away and the heating was thumping through the house, you settle yourself on the couch, eyes stuck on the forest sitting just beyond the window.

All the comments about the forest had gotten your back up, but for the ‘chief’ forest ranger to personally warn you was another matter. So alone you sat, all doors and windows locked, Luna curled up at your side, baseball bat sat tightly in your hands.

Not that you were expecting anything - but you weren't going to risk it.

You sat quietly as the light drained from the sky, darkness and chill settling over the house and seeping into the forest. You thought about dragging yourself off to the nice four-poster bed that sat upstairs with fresh sheets on it, but you wanted to see what was wrong with the woods just short of actually venturing inside.

The hours whittled away, the light gone as you sat in the blackness, eyes scanning the treeline. Your day had been long -nearing twenty-nine hours at this point- but you were determined to see it through. Luna was completely unphased, twitching in her sleep against your thigh.

This was stupid, you knew it is. But if there was something wrong with the woods, you needed to be able to live alongside it for the time being.

Your surroundings grew hazy quite often, and it was hard to keep your eyes focused when your body so desperately needed sleep. But you struggled on, bat sitting against your calf. You prop your head upon your hand, eyes loosely focusing on the near full moon before finally going dark.

Luna's aggressive barking wakes you up, and with a start, you sit bolt upright on the chair. The baseball bat clatters to the floor, and you groggily rub your eyes as you take in your surroundings.

The sun was low already, and you realised you must have slept the day away. A light chill drifted through the air, but at least the rain had stopped.

Luna's next round of barking started, and you realise that she was barking at the front door. Another rattled knock echoes through the house, wearily bringing you to your feet. Your body cries out stiffly, your need to sleep in a bed absolute.

You stagger to the door and calm Luna before unbolting and opening to reveal Namjoon. A frown slips onto your face, but you feel a little giddy as he smiles at you.

"Hey, officer."

"Y/N, good evening. How was your first night?"

"It was good. You wanna come in?"

"No, no. I was just on patrol and thought I'd stop by to see how you settled… and also, to give you this."

He pulls his hand round from beside him, presenting you an umbrella - identical to the one he sheltered you with yesterday.

"This is a rainy-ass town. You're gonna need one of these and I have at least a dozen, so here."

He extends the umbrella further and you take it from him, fingers brushing against his as you slide it from his grip. You roll it over in your hands, genuinely touched at his gesture.

"Thank you offi- Namjoon. Thank you Namjoon." You smile, holding it tightly to your chest.

He grins at you, tucking his head into his chest before looking back up at you. His radio attached to his shoulder crackles into life, and with a short sigh and a roll of his eyes, he backs away. He waves at Luna and you laugh, and he turns an easy smirk onto you before turning and jogging to the department truck that sits at the end of the drive.

With a final wave to each other he pulls away, heading in the direction of the setting sun and further away from you. You step back inside the house and close the door before leaning back against it. You pull the umbrella from your chest and give it a once over, a soft heat creeping across your face.

Luna lets out a light rumble of a bark from beside you, snapping you out of your daze. You push off the door and give her a quick scratch on the ear, laying the umbrella next to where your coat hung.

The next night and day pass without a blip.

Your grandma’s house was almost entirely packed save for the essentials, and the solicitor had been over with a realtor to take photos and assess the process.

In all, you hadn’t been able to stop, the forest that lingers on the outside of the house pushed to the furthest reaches of your mind. The days exhausted you, and the nights were spent completely flat out, exhaustion pulling you to sleep in minutes.

It was shaping up to be another of those days. You made the rounds, locking the doors and shutting the curtains. The glow of the full moon was especially bright, illuminating you through the dark and blustery night as rain pounded down on the windows.

You’d barely pulled the final curtain shut when Luna starts barking frantically. You find the old girl running crazily around the living room, occasionally stopping to scratch at the back door. Confused you stop just behind her. She turns and barks at you before sitting in front of the door, growling. Something doesn't settle in your stomach but you can’t place it.

You gotta pee?” You ask softly, unease clear in your voice.

You move to open the door, but you decided to take precautions, the words of the town’s people ringing in your head. Stooping to grab the baseball bat that now sat by the back door, you unlatch the door and swing it open, heart in your throat.

You raise the bat and jump into view and prepared to fight, only to find nothing there. The porch is empty, and there’s nothing sitting between you and the forest-

Apart from Luna.

The old dog moves like you’ve never seen, charging full speed into the forest, disappearing into the treeline.

“LUNA!” You bellow, but she doesn’t reemerge. You call her again but she doesn’t return, the only answer you get was a heavy rustle of the treeline as you stare helplessly into it.

You swear under your breath, all the warnings of the forest charging unchecked through your mind. You didn’t want to go in -that was the last thing you wanted- but you weren't going to let Luna get lost in that creepy-ass forest.

You run to the hallway and throw on your coat, lace on your boots as tight as you can and dash into the kitchen. You rip open one of the draws to find the large flashlight you knew your grandma had kept - bright red, dotted with dinosaur stickers. You had ‘decorated’ it for her when she was younger, and she had kept it ever since.

Flicking it on to ensure it still worked, you threw yourself out of the house, through the now howling wind and ran full speed into the forest.

You felt your steps falter as you finally stepped within the treeline. You tried to remind yourself that there was nothing to fear, but with the way the trees lumbered as far as you can see and the wind rustling through the gnarled branches, you found your resolve getting weaker.

You wanted to call out for Luna, but you could feel your voice dying in your throat each time you tried. Instead you strained your ears, searching for anything that could reveal the old girl’s location.

A fair bark ripples off slightly to the left, and you forcefully ignore the fact that it’ll drag you deeper into the forest. Aiming your torch down to the mulchy forest floor, you push on. The floor is slippery and you often lose your footing but you press on, determined not to lose Luna. Your grandma would surely come back to haunt you if anything happened to her.

A low growl soon turns into a yelp and you slam to a halt. It was unmistakably Luna, but the sound bounces off the trees making it impossible to pinpoint her.

Your heart thuds stupidly in your chest, an eery feeling of the forest creeping along your body making the hairs stand on end. You needed Luna, and you needed to get the fuck out of here before you get hurt, lost or something much worse.

“LU-”

You’re cut off by a movement over a large gnarled tree root in the distance. The wind rattles again, sending a chill straight to your bones, but you shake yourself loose of its hold, forcing yourself to put one foot in front of the other.

You bolt in the direction of the movement, pleading with whatever divine power there may be that it was Luna, and you’re not chasing some kind of angry forest animal. You crash over the tree roots and slide down the small drift into a tiny clearing.

Picking yourself blearily up out of the mud, you finally spot Luna: cowering against the trunk of a huge spruce tree, her fur filthy and soaked.

Pushing to your feet you stagger over, dropping to your knees in front of her and holding her face in your hands.

“Are you okay girl?” You whisper, brushing forest debris away from her face.

She pulls her face away from your hands and balls into your stomach, making herself as small as possible. Panic running wild through your mind, you get to your feet and stroke her, hoping you remembered the way back.

A large crack echoes from behind you, and you cautiously turn towards the sound, against your better judgement. Your mind screams at you to run, begging and pleading. But your body doesn’t respond.

Slowly you turn. But there’s nothing behind you.

You let out a soft sigh, shifting the flashlight in your hands.

“Okay Luna, let’s go-”

Another crack, and you spin - only to meet a pair of huge amber eyes staring at you from between the trees ahead.

You think you just imagine it -your brain was playing tricks on you- but then it blinks, continuously watching you.

Ice runs cold through your veins, your heart pounding it’s way desperately through your chest. You fiddle with the torch in your hand, trying to turn the damn thing off but you know it’s too late.

The eyes move towards you, the mass moving from between the trees towards your frozen figure. It stoops above you, despite stopping feet away. The wind blusters your hair into your face, the fur on whatever the creature was rustles wildly. It reared back on two feet, covering any light that filtered in through the trees above.

It appeared to be sniffing but you daren’t move. It was as big as a bear but it was lither, and infinitely more terrifying despite being only a ghostly silhouette with deep amber eyes.

You feel yourself rooted to the spot, the cold and wet that seeps into you a distant memory as you remain petrified. Was it going to attack you? Attack Luna? What was it waiting for?

Luna whines, and the beast shifts it’s eyes towards her, and you know this is the only chance. As quickly but with as little movement as you can, you flick on the torch and launch it through the trees, away from you and Luna.

It makes a loud crash as it bounces off a tree, and the creature whips around to the sound, charging off in the direction of the noise. It moves fast, vanishing like smoke in the wind as it charges in the direction of the torch.

Freedom burns at your senses, and you know this is your only shot. Ignoring how heavy she was, you scoop Luna up in your arms and sprint as fast as you can in the direction you thought the house sat.

You didn’t stop, despite the pain in your back and arms, and the short burning breaths that squeezed out of your lungs as you ran. You didn’t stop until the edge of the forest was visible.

You daren’t look back, staggering on until you finally hit the deck of your grandma’s porch, bursting through to drop Luna on the couch before slamming the door shut behind you, throwing shut every lock and bolt it had.

You sank down as you leant against the door, your entire body throbbing. You were covered in mud and twigs, your skin burning at finally being in the warmth. But your brain wouldn’t slow, and neither would your heart.

Luna sprints to you, crawling into your lap with her head pressed against your chest. You cradle the dog to you, ignoring the grime that sticks to you both.

You stay there. You don’t know how long for. Hours, definitely. Neither of you moving. Luna had fallen asleep against you, and though your body had gotten stiff and sore you didn't dare move nor close your eyes.

It wasn’t until the light was strong and glaring through your windows that you actually felt your body relax slightly.

Luna had finally felt brave enough to peel herself from you, taking a deep drink of water from her bowl before curling up in a warmer spot on the couch. You hadn’t moved though, your hands now sitting in your lap, nervously twitching.

The shape of it, you couldn’t shake from your mind. It was something that transitioned from being on all four legs to standing, huge and furry. You couldn't make out any more defining features in the darkness, but you remembered the eyes. Those huge amber orbs, staring right at you.

Why didn’t it attack you straight away? It was going to at some point, you were sure of it. But why did it take its time?

You didn’t know what it was. Not you could even begin to process it fully, but you knew for certain that you didn't know of such a creature. You had to know more - especially if you were going to be living there for the time being.

A quick knock on your door makes your heart race, the noise making you almost jump out of your skin. You get up and stiffly walk to the window, sliding the curtain back just enough so that you could see who it was. The person wasn’t visible, but the ranger jeep sitting just a little behind your truck let you know who it was.

You let out a relieved sigh as you shuffle into the hallway. You caught sight of yourself in the mirror and froze, your hair twisted and matted from being in the rain, your eyes tired and wild. You ripped off the coat you still wore that was covered in mud and forest debris, and you kicked off your mud-caked boots, nudging them out of sight. With a quick comb of your hair with your fingers you unlocked the door, opening it and smiling weakly at ranger Namjoon. It’s a smile he doesn’t return.

“Hey.” You smile, voice thick with lack of use, and from the panting you had been doing that night. You clear your throat as he offers you a stiff nod.

“Morning, Y/N.”

“Morning, How can I help you?” You ask, eyes taking in the dark circles under his eyes, and the way his jaw sits tightly. You narrow your eyes at him, searching for your answer.

His reply is cut off by a feral bark, and you both spin to see Luna finally awake, barking at Namjoon with such a ferocity all you can do for a moment is stare dumbly. She jumps up at him and barks aggressively in his face, leaving him to stagger back, stunned.

You grab her collar and pull her away as gently as you can, ushering her still howling into the next room and closing the door on her.

You turn back to him, worried that he’d hate you for Luna’s actions. You don’t know why you cared so much.

“Are you okay? I’m so sorry. She got… spooked by something last night and I think she’s feeling a little protective.” You say softly, holding back from reaching out and placing a hand on his arm.

He swallows thickly, eyes examining your face.

“I’m alright. What spooked her?” He asks a little too quickly, and you pause, running through the options in your head.

It was only a couple days ago that he and half the damn town had warned you not to go beyond the trees. And you said that you wouldn’t - but that was before Luna had taken off. And she was your priority, an ode to your grandma. Besides, maybe you could get some information out of him about just what the hell you saw. Why would he warm you if he didn’t know what was there?

“Luna got lost in the forest last night. I went in after her, and found her very afraid in the woods.” You say each word carefully, measuring the weight of it as you watch the information sink in.

His jaw drops slightly and his eyebrows cross, and you immediately know he wasn’t happy.

“You did what?!” He bellows, his volume making you jump and triggering Luna to begin howling on the other side of the door.

“Was I just supposed to let her run in and stay there Namjoon? No way in hell.”

“I told you not to go!” He shouts, finger pointing at you. You can see the anger clear on his face but there was concern there too, you were sure of it. That didn’t mean your blood wasn’t boiling, though.

“You’re not my parent! I don’t take orders.”

“I’m not being an ass Y/N! It’s not safe, that was a stupid thing to do.”

Why isn’t it safe, huh? Tell me, officer.” You spit, watching him recoil at the ice in your words. He exhales hard, his eyes set firmly on you.

“I don’t have to tell you anything. If you’re gonna be that careless I don’t want you in my town.”

“Namjoon-”

“Don’t go in again.”

With those harsh words passing his lips, he gives you a critical once over before turning, shaking his head as he trudges back up your drive to his car. You watch him go, blood pumping angrily through your body but a pang of hurt settles in your chest.

You slam the door and opening the one beside you to release Luna. Confusion rattles around your brain as you stalk back into your living room, and throw yourself down on the couch. You chew your lip, his words floating around in your head.

‘If you’re gonna be that careless I don’t want you in my town’. It hurt, prickling at you whilst you replayed the conversation in your head.

Luna jumps up next to you and sniffs wildly in you face before plonking herself down next to you, head in your lap and big eyes peering up at you. You sigh, bringing your hands to gently rest between her ears, stroking her gently, letting your anger ebb away.

That interaction with Namjoon had left a bad taste in your mouth. You didn't know what could have provoked him so, but you weren't going to be stopped. His defiance concreted that fact.  You were going to find out what was going on in the woods.

You let your eyes flick to the still curtained window, hyper-aware of what laid beyond the trees. You forced yourself to breathe evenly, grim determination settling itself within you. You were going to find out what was in the woods, and not even the infuriating and impossibly cute Namjoon was going to stop you.

The next morning found you up bright and early in the town library, rifling through what had to be at least two centuries worth of local newspapers. Your laptop sits near you, whirring away with freshly typed notes, and your third to-go cup of tea sat cooling nearby.

So far you'd found barely a page's worth of information, and even that was a stretch.

The articles that did highlight anything were vague, and often oddly so. Important issues raised about missing people who wandered into the woods or strange shapes spotted through the treeline were never mentioned again until something similar pops up months or years later. And then the process would repeat.

But you did strike a little amount of gold.

A shape had been spotted in the forest consistently for at least one hundred years, big and dark, not quite a bear but not small and definitely not human. There were a few articles from paranormal investigators and cryptid hunters that it was a humanoid who could turn, or it was the amalgamation of negative energy metamorphosing into a beastly shape. Only a few of these were ever published, and with a quick glance at the mail section of the newspaper, you could see that people didn't want that kind of rubbish in the town paper.

There had even been mention that there was more than one shape that rustled beyond the trees, though you had only found mention of it only four or five times.

And despite what Namjoon had said about people going missing in the forest, the missing person’s segments were empty and there were no articles about anyone going missing within the last decade.

A chill runs through you as the creature seeps back into your mind. You forcefully push it aside and try to stifle a yawn - you hadn’t slept well that night. How could you?

With your body slowly going numb from your prolonged period sat on your ass, you get up and stretch before moving to put away the papers. You tuck away your laptop and throw your empty cups in the bin as you emerge onto the sleepy rainy street.

Despite having been in town for barely a week, you hadn’t seen a single day without drizzle. Not that you minded - it make the smell of the forest drift everywhere, fresh and clean. You root around in your bag for the umbrella Namjoon had left you - although it still stung to think about him, the little black umbrella had been very appreciated.

So entrenched in your searching, you blindly stepped onto the sidewalks; only to crash into someone. You stumble slightly, but they shoot out a steadying hand, their gentle grip righting you back onto your two feet.

“Oh, Y/N, I’m sorry!”

You turn to face Namjoon, his slightly longer hair ruffled and wet from the rain, his ranger uniform shrouded by a puffy black winter coat. The delight you want to feel at seeing him softly smile down at you, dimples looking divine, is tinged with the hurt that you still feel from the day before.

Sensing your apprehension he hangs his head, nodding. You wait, hitching your bag higher and waiting expectantly for him to say something. He rubs his arm awkwardly, and you could practically see the thought whirring in his head.

"Bye, Namjoon," You sigh, turning to walk away but his hand encompasses your elbow, stopping you.

"Wait- Y/N, I'm sorry I was an ass yesterday. I was just worried."

"Worried? Why?"

His thumb begins idly stroking your inner arm, and despite the blush that creeps across his face you don't think he realises he's doing it. His forehead was creased as he looks at you, his warm eyes surrounded by dark bags. You realise he looks like hell, tired and a little drained.

"People really do go missing in those woods. And it's my job to find them. Sometimes I'm not always lucky." His voice lowers, the weight of his words hitting you square in the face. You don't think he's lying - no, you know he isn't - but it wasn't adding up.

"Who is going into the woods?" You ask, your mind reeling back to all the papers you had just spend hours pouring over.

"Out of towners, mostly. Hikers, teens, the usual. The people of this town learnt long ago not to go into the woods, especially after dark..."

He lets his sentence linger, finally letting his hand drop from you.

You knew all about what loitered in the trees after dark. The memory of those amber eyes root you to the spot, the cold settling deep inside you.

You blow out a harsh breath, eyes examining his face.

"Do you wanna grab some coffee?" You blurt, immediately sucking your bottom lip into your mouth and chewing on it.

"What?" Namjoon's eyes are wide as he stares at you, wiping away a particularly fat dribble of rain way from his temple. You watch his fingers brush the drip away and swallow thickly.

"Coffee."

"Yeah I know what you said, I mean why?"

"Fresh start? Look, I want to know more, and you look like you haven't slept in about three days. It's mutually beneficial." You shrug, but you desperately wanted him to say yes.

He meets your eyes, and after a second he smiles softly, nodding and extending his elbow for you. You draw your eyebrows but smile at his gesture, slipping your hand into the crook of his arm.

"Only if you let me pay. As a way to apologise."

"That sounds fair, Namjoon."

He looks down at the mention of his name, a hint of a chuckle falling from his lips. You look away from him, heat building across your face as he gently steers you to a small chain coffee shop that sits on the corner of an intersection.

"Not quite quaint and small-townlike." You smirk, walking through the door behind him, letting your hand drop from him.

"No, but it is twenty-four hour, so I'm not gonna complain."

Drinks ordered and picked up, you both stow yourselves away by the windows, clouded from the heat that presses against the cold glass. The rain is falling a little heavier, the sounds seeping soothingly into your bones as you pull the cup to your lips, eyes finding Namjoon across the table.

His eyes find you, watching you blow the steam from the top of your mug. Suddenly aware of him watching you, you hide behind the mug. He splutters at having been caught before he laughs awkwardly.

"So, you don't fancy staying here in your Grandmother's house?" He asks after sipping his own drink, pink speckled across his cheeks.

"Oh, no. There's nothing for me here, not really." You sigh, placing the mug down.

He nods, fingers circling the handle of his mug. It's your turn to watch, slender fingers tracing the edges of the porcelain. He brings an elbow to the table and rests his head in his hand, eyes finding yours.

"That's a shame. It'd be nice to have a new face in this town, especially yours."

"Oh really?" You ask, eyebrows raised.

"No! I mean, yes of course, but, I uh-"

"Thank you, Namjoon."

He stops his rambling to look at you, wide-eyed and frantic. He looks like a deer caught in headlights, and you can't help but laugh at his expressions. He blows out a shaky laugh, eyes meeting yours.

"Sorry."

"No don't be sorry. It's... cute." You smile, eyes darting down to your hands around the coffee cup.

"No, you're-" His words are cut off by the crackle of his radio pinned to his chest. you can't make out the words, but he stops to roll his eyes and tips back his coffee, swallowing it in two big gulps.

"Sorry, I have to run."

"It's okay, I have a meeting with Mr. Min soon anyway."

"Oh, really? well, I might see you later, then." He gives you a wide smile as he gets to his feet, shuffling around you awkwardly.

He gives you a final wave and shouts a quick goodbye to the shop staff before he pushes out of the coffee shop and out into the drizzle before jogging down the street, out of your view.

You hide your smile in your mug, pressing it to your lips and taking a deep sip, eyes raking over where Namjoon had once sat.

You may not be fully sure of the big man's intentions, but he was impossible not to like.

-----

You barge out of Mr Min's solicitor's office with a scowl on your face and a fire still roaring in your stomach.

Not only had he snottily decided that he didn't want to deal with the realtors any more -meaning you had to manage the whole move now- but he had also kept you waiting for an hour so that he could let his food ‘digest in peace’.

You shut your eyes as the rain gently fell, letting it cool you down. It had settled down, turning from a rainy onslaught to a soft haze that rolled through on the breeze.

"Y/N!"

you snap open your eyes to see Namjoon leaning out of his truck window, waving at you. Confusion written across your face, you check the coast is clear before jogging across the road and stopping just outside his window.

"What are you doing here? I thought you got called away."

"Oh, yeah, well my deputy was handling it in the end, and I was nearby. I remembered you saying that you were here, and you know, I was just passing by..."

"Ah, I see." You murmur, unsure of where he was heading to but endlessly endeared by it.

"Do you, uh, don't worry." He whispers, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Do I what?"

"Do you wanna come on patrol with me?" He asks quickly, his eyes darting away and fixing on his steering wheel.

"Can... can I do that?" You ask, eyes flicking over his profile. He looks back at you with a glimmer of excitement on his face, and he grins.

“What’s the point of being the chief ranger in the area and not taking advantage of it?”

You smile at him, a lightness filling the angry void that dealing with Mr Min had left.

He takes your smile as a confirmation as he leans away from you and opens the passenger door for you. You run to it and jump in, slamming the door behind you as you let yourself thaw out in the warm truck.

He looks over to you and grins, dimple taking pride and place on his face. You sigh, basking in the warmth of his smile. But the warmth of the truck mostly, you tell yourself.

He pulls off, taking you both through the drizzly town and out towards the outskirts. You trace the edges of the forest, following the windy roads that lead around the town and the surrounding areas.

It’s quiet, inside and outside the car. But it’s comfortable, soaking in each other’s presence as you watch the wet world pass by.

But when it’s not quiet, you talk. About everything and nothing. You talk about he only recently got his driving licence so he could do his job, how he has to keep a spare uniform in the car because he drops his coffee on himself on a daily basis. You talk about your gran and the way she would force Namjoon to stay for a cup of something hot and a story from her childhood.

“And you. She talked about you a lot.” He smiles as he looks over at you, gentleness creeping into every inch of him.

You’re pulled to the side of the road in a small gap between the trees, watching as cars zip by. Namjooon said this was his favourite spot to stop and you could see why.

Just over the other side of the road was quite a sheer drop, but beyond it laid the forest, reaching as far as you could see in the foggy afternoon. The fog filtered over the treetops as it began it’s slow crawl towards the town, shrouding everything in its way. The road that lay ahead of you was empty, but from your spot between the trees you can see it weaving around the trees and inclines for miles.

You drag your eyes away from the surroundings to smile at him, letting his words sink below your skin.

He feels so close to you suddenly, only a foot away in the seat of his truck, the warmth from the heating and the heat radiating off his body fogging up the windows. His hair sticks out awkwardly from under his hat, one hand perched awkwardly on top of the wheel despite the engine having been shut off a while ago.

He seems to notice this to as he slides it off and moves to put it on the seat between you, but lands his hand on yours instead.  He jumps at the contact, grinning sheepishly at you, cheeks turning a bright pink. You watch him in complete fascination as the blush on his cheeks spread down his neck and how he plonks his hands awkwardly in his lap.

“So was that a part of your job description? Having tea with my grandma?” You ask, a small smirk slipping to your lips. He huffs out a light laugh, finally lets himself relax a little.

”No, but your grandmother never gave me a choice. Not that I minded.” He smiles, shuffling around in his seat to face you.

The warmth of his truck finally seeps into your bones, and it strikes you how comfortable it is, sitting in there with Namjoon. Condensation begins coating the window and soon you can’t see out. It’s warm, and the closeness to him makes your head spin.

You take the time to look at him, really look at him. The softness of his hair that sits clunkily under his hat, the small freckles that dot his face. One sits under his lip that you’re extremely fascinated by, and when he smiles it disappears, but then you see his dimples and your heart flips.

He watches you too, his dark eyes flickering over your face, stopping on your lips before darting up to meet your eyes.

“How much longer will you be in town for?” His voice is barely above a gravelly whisper, and you lean in closer to try and hear.  

“I… don’t know.” You whisper truthfully, your eyes lingering on his full lips.

He sighs, and you can feel his hot breath roll down over your face and neck. You smile sadly at him; you don’t want to leave the town too soon, you realise. It would be like leaving a piece of your grandma behind, a piece of you. And a whole Namjoon would be here too.

You bite your lip in thought, dragging Namjoon’s eyes to watch the movement. His tongue shoots out to wet his lips before your eyes meet again.

The warm air is electric, and like some unstoppable force, you and Namjoon slowly ease closer. His chest rises and falls against his tight green shirt, one of his big warm hands finds a place on your leg, heat spreading from his touch. Your eyes flutter shut, and you can feel him so close, your lips just a brush away from colliding-

A loud knock on the door makes you both jump, sending you back into your seat with a jolt. Namjoon’s eyebrows crease together as he roughly cranks the window down, red hot blush burning on his face.

You take a second to suck in a deep breath, realisation hitting you in the stomach.  You were about to kiss Namjoon. Chief ranger Kim Namjoon, sitting in the car with his bright eyes, big dimples and bigger hands. And if you were honest, despite the churn of your stomach, you were gutted that the kiss didn’t happen-

Outside stands a man in a similar ranger uniform to Namjoon, but with less badges and patches. His chocolate hair rolls back from his forehead, and when he sees Namjoon, his bright smile lights up his whole face.

“Hey Joon! What’s- oh, hello there.” His eyes sweep across to you, and he raises a hand to give you a tiny wave. You feel heat burning furiously across your face but you wave back.

“What do you want, Hoseok?”

“You’ve been radio silent long past check-in. Just wanted to check everything was good so I detoured to your routes. But I can see you were doing just fine…”

“Well… thanks.” Namjoon grumbles, flashing Hoseok a quick smile. “I better take Y/N home soon. I’ll see you back at the office, deputy.”

Hoseok flashes you both a cheeky smile before stepping back and retreating to his truck sitting just down the road.

He takes a moment to let the windows clear as he switches on the engine, the vehicle slowly rumbling into life as the world outside faintly comes back into focus.

Finally he pulls out into the road, the silence in the vehicle thick and engulfing. Your heart still thumps quickly in your chest, your eyes flicking between everything that isn’t Namjoon.

The world flies past as you head back to town, every inch of your skin prickled. You couldn’t explain why you were so drawn to him, why every nerve felt so attached to every move he made and why he was on your mind.

He has answers, you tell yourself. That creature that was in the woods was something that you were sure wasn’t natural. And though you know Namjoon was a good man -you could feel it- he still knew more than he was letting on. You had to find the answers -  even if the truth if it scares you.

You feel yourself slow to a stop, and you look around and realise that Namjoon’s pulled to a stop just beside your truck. You had made it back to town in lightning speed, and a quick glance to Namjoon and his whitening knuckles that gripped the wheel made your stomach churn. You reach for the door when his gravelly voice catches you.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-“

“Namjoon-

“I mean it Y/N, it was wrong of me-“

“No stop, Namjoon, it’s fine. I wasn’t going to stop you.” You say, the latter part in a softer voice. But he catches it and whips his head around to you, shock growing on his face.

You jump out of his truck and shut the door before he can say anything else, letting the cold evening air cool your burning face. You hurry away from his truck and stop outside of your car door, your heart thudding stupidly in your chest.

You rummage around in your pockets for your keys when you hear the door to Namjoon’s truck. You sigh, worry flitting through you that he might not feel the same, that he had overstepped and as a result, you’d have to leave town. You spin, watching as the big man steps quickly towards you.

“Namjoon, I-“

He takes hold of your face in his hands and pulls you gently to him before he crashes his lips on yours. Small drops of rain splash against your hot skin but you ignore them as you sink into his kiss. You press your hands under his coat as you press yourself into him, your fingers bunching into his green uniform.

His lips move hotly against yours, taking control of the kiss as he swipes his tongue delicately across your lower lip.

He finally pulls back, both of you left panting, hot plumes of breath visible in the cold atmosphere. Your face is still cupped in his hands, his thumb gently tracing across your cheekbone.

“I don’t know what it is about you, but you’re always on my mind.” He breathes, his dark eyes entranced with yours. You nod, your heart fluttering in your chest.

“I-I feel the same. It’s like you’re under my skin.”

“Look, I have to go back to the station, but I want to talk to you. I’ll stop by tomorrow, okay?” He whispers and you nod again, letting your face lean into his touch.

He presses a final soft kiss to your lips before stepping back, letting your fall from his touch. He gives you an awkward wave, but drags his lip between his teeth as he takes one last look at you.

When he finally turns away from you you feel yourself deflate, warmth coursing through you despite the icy rain that starts to beat down heavier on your skin and through your clothes.

You’re still standing there when he pulls away, and only when the first round of shivers run through you do you finally move, finally gripping your keys and opening the vehicle. You slide in, a grin wide on your face as you blast the heating. Once your limbs are thawed out you begin the journey back, the touch of Namjoon still lingering.

------

A hot dinner and a hotter shower later, night had fully fallen. Mercifully it had stopped raining, but all that remained was silence. Luna had curled up in your bed, the covers fluffed over her head as she nuzzles deeper, a contented whine leaving her.

You smile as you towel dry your hair, drawing the curtains against the night.

You launch the towel at the overflowing laundry hamper, making a mental note to do some washing at some point soon. You prepare to climb into bed and shift Luna over slightly when something faint drifts to your ears. You snap up and crane your head, trying to decipher the noise.

Luna doesn’t stir, the noise not affecting her the way it was you, but you were sure you weren’t imagining it.

It was high pitched and melodious, and grabbing the bat that never strayed too far from you, you stepped out of your bedroom and began your slow descent downstairs.

The sound definitely wasn’t coming from inside the house, and the more you listened, the surer you were that it was coming from the edge of the forest. Peering between your curtains out towards the tree line reveals nothing, much to your discomfort.

It was singing.

Once you realised, there was nothing else it could be. It was melodious, and as the sound sunk below your skin, you felt yourself inexplicably drawn to it. You needed to find the source, your soul needed it.

You find yourself drifting towards the back door, and were halfway through unlocking it when you suddenly stumbled back to your senses.

With an aggressive shake of your head, you stagger to your grandma’s dusty landline and dialled one of the numbers that sat scribbled on the small address book next to it.

You anxiously tangle your fingers in the phone wire, praying the number hadn’t changed. Finally it clicked, telling you that he had picked up.

“Namjoon?” You blurt.

“Y/N? Is everything okay?”

“I don't know. There’s someone... singing.” You say, trailing off when you realise how stupid it sounds.

“Singing? Is it coming from the forest?” His voice is serious, and you feel the tension drop from your body.

“Yeah, it’s beautiful... but it’s- you know, weird. Oh, it-it’s stopped.” You stammer, eyes shifting to the back door.

“Y/N, listen to me. Stay inside, drown it out, do not go out towards it. I will sort it but please, keep you and Luna shut up inside.”

“Namjoon-“

“Please just trust me. I’m on my way.”

He hangs up before you can reply. Your stow the handset back on the side, quickly relock the door and bolt back upstairs with the bat.

You rummage around in your suitcase for your portable speaker and play the first song that shows up, cranking the sound as high as you can to down out the singing before it starts again. The volume makes you wince, but you didn’t dare turn it too low.  Luna jolts awake, displeasure clear on her face as she searches for the source of the noise.

You pace the room, curtain thrown open so that you can see when Namjoon finally arrives.

The time seemed to stretch as you waited, the strain of the blaring music starting to get to you as you paced in antsy circles.

Finally you spot him, two solitary beams of headlights stopping close to the edge of the forest. You watch as the lights flicker off, before the beam or his torch moves from his truck and disappears between the trees.

You pace, your mind racing as you subconsciously move to turn your music down. Luna lets out a groan of relief, sagging back under your covers.

You chew your lip, mind wandering to the voice from the woods. Who would be singing in the treeline by your house late at night? Was it some kind of prank?

The voice begins to sing again, but it starts so quiet that you don’t hear it, oblivious to it until the voice is carrying loudly across the open space between the house and the forest. It catches you off guard, and you find yourself being carried towards it. It’s soft, a gentle melody that hits you deep in your core, making you feel almost dreamlike. You barely pull your boots on properly before you’re down the stairs with the door unbolted.

You stumble towards the trees, the wind rustling through your tee and sweatpants, the long blades of grass leaving wet smears across your ankles. The wind whips your hair harshly across your face, but you barely register it.

The singing grows louder as you stumble onwards, and it only takes you a few minutes to find the cause of the heavenly sound.

Leant casually against a gnarled tree stands a man unlike any other that you had seen. His silver hair is swept back from his face, plump lips perched in a delicate ‘o’ shape as a soft sound leaves him. He stands facing away from you with a simple tee tucked into trousers, the cold not phasing him, seemingly rolling off him.

You finally stop, watching him through hazy eyes - although you could definitely make out the peachy shape of his ass, that was crystal clear. He finished his note before lazily turning to face you.

A smirk sits on his lips as he looks you over, his eyes trailing across your body. He pushes off the tree and saunters towards you, a slight lilt in his step as he stops before you. He lifts a hand and lets a finger trail across your cheek, making you shiver under his touch.

“So nice to finally meet you, Y/N.”

“You- you’ve been waiting for me?” You ask dreamily, each word a lot of effort to say.

“Of course, I tend to make a habit of knowing people in the town, especially when they’re pretty.”

You feel your heart flutter as you watch him, his lips perking as he begins to knot his fingers in your hair.

You need to kiss him. It was the only thing you could think about through your haze. And if this beautiful man wanted to kiss you, then who are you to deny him?

The pull to him was roaring through your body, the only thing visible through your fog was him. He begins to move closer to you, and the shiver that runs through you is intense.

With a final smirk he moves towards you, and you realise you're finally, finally going to kiss.

Your eyes had barely fluttered shut before he’s ripped away from you, tugging sharply on your hair as he’s pulled away.

Your eyes fly open as you watch Namjoon drag Jimin by his collar and slam him against the nearest tree. You slam a hand over your mouth as you gasp, but your body feels too heavy to move.

“What are you doing, Jimin?” He barks, anger thick in his voice.

“Just checking out the new face, Joonie-“

“I told you to stay away from her. If I catch you again I swear I'm gonna-“

“No threats needed, dog. I hear you loud and clear.” Jimin puts his hands up in a surrender motion, but a smug chuckle passes his pretty lips.

“I’ll see you around, doll.”

“No, you won’t.” Namjoon growls, but Jimin simply laughs as Namjoon releases him. He pauses to wink at you before he saunters away, heading casually through the trees and finally out of sight.

As soon as he’s out of earshot, a heaviness settles on your bones. The cold finally rattles it’s way deep into you, and you wrap your shivering arms around yourself as you take in your surroundings properly. You felt groggy - it was like a hangover, but instead of a headache you were bone tired, and your hormones were raging against you.

“Namjoon?”

You see him clearly, unclouded - and you had never seen him so angry. The torch that he’d thrown lit up his face from the ground, and you watched as he ground his teeth, his narrowed eyes focused on you.

“What are you doing here?” He snaps, and you step back, affronted.

“I-I don’t know. One minute I was waiting for you to show up, and the next… you had that man pinned against the tree.” You murmur, but you could feel annoyance bubbling under your skin.

“I told you not to leave the house.”

“I didn’t do it on purpose! And even so, you can’t just tell me what to do.”

“This is for your own protection, Y/N!”

“Protection from what Namjoon?” Your sentence is perforated by shivers, the night air settling on your goosebumped skin.

You watch his words die in his throat as you shake. He blows out a harsh breath, before he shuffles the thick black jacket from his shoulders. He steps up to you and wraps it around your shoulders, holding it tightly against your chest, the bottom of it grazing your knees. It smells of the rain, the pines that surround you and faintly of some kind of organic soap - it was heady and impossibly him.

His eyes meet yours as you sink into the warmth of the jacket, the heat rolling off him despite not being wrapped up any more. You can see his little freckles, the ridges of his golden skin, the soft brown, almost amber glint to his eyes.

Your breath catches, but he finally steps back, stooping to pick up the torch. Placing a gentle hand on your shoulder he nods behind you.

“Let’s get you home.”

You’re reluctant to move, your feet barely able to put one in front of the other as your mind reels but he leads you forward.

His hand never leaves you as you steer up towards the house. It isn’t until you reach the treeline that he hesitates, his large hands slipping from you. You turn to him, only for him to be mere inches from you.

If what you had felt like that Jimin before was a dream, the air that crackled between you and Namjoon was palpable, tangible and utterly undeniable. He lets his hand move to your face, cupping your cheek in his hand. Your eyes flutter shut at his touch, and only open again once you hear a sigh rumble past his lips.  

“Y/N…” he whispers, but his voice cracks.

“What is happening, Namjoon? What is going on with this damn forest?” Your words sink in, and he lets his hand slip from you as he looks away from you, face dropped slightly.  

He sighs, shifting the torch between his hands. You look down at it in his hands, but you feel your blood run cold when you see it.

It was red, dotted in a ridiculous amount of dinosaur stickers.

You snap your head up at him, face contorted in horror. His softened features harden again, eyebrows creased as he tries to read your face.

“What’s wrong?”

“Where did you get that torch?” Your voice is ice, and he almost recoils from you.

“What?”

“The torch Namjoon. I threw it at- I left it in the forest the other night. How did you get this?”

The blunt edge to your voice has him stepping back from you, and you can tell he’s floundering. His eyes dart over your face and his mouth flaps slightly.

“I found it-“

“No you didn’t, you went into the forest with a torch. There’s the one in your hand, and the pockets of this coat is fresh out of torches. So I'll ask again. How did you get it?”

“It’s not what you think.”

“I will find out what’s going on here.”

“And I will throw you in a cell if you keep pushing me.” He sets his jaw at you and you splutter, but when he doesn’t relent you scrunch your face, anger coursing fully through you. Could he even do that as a ranger?

“Fine.”

“I- what?”

You step forward, letting the coat fall from your shoulders as you hold your wrists out to him, eyes fixed on his.

“Lock me up.”

“You cannot be serious.”

“Are you? Gonna throw me in a cell, Namjoon?” You snap, and his mouth flaps.

“Of course not!”

“Then start explaining.”

“Y/N, I can’t-“

He stops mid-sentence, and his head snaps to face inside the forest. The confused anger that had seized you freezes in your veins as you follow his eyes, but you can see nothing in the dark.

“Nam-“

He holds up a hand to silence you, and although it infuriates you, something was obviously very wrong.

“Get inside. Lock the doors, do not leave.”

He looks back to you, swipes the coat off the floor and wraps it around you again. He must have noticed the concern in your face as he softens only for a second, his eyes searching yours.

“Please.” He whispers, desperation thick in his voice.

“... Okay.” You nod, stepping out of his grip.

With a nod he turns to the forest, and you watch as he heaves a heavy breath before pushing through the treeline.

Once you couldn't see him anymore, you turn and run as hard as you can, throwing yourself inside the door and throwing every bolt on it.

You begin to pace once again, your heart thumping wildly in your chest. Luna plods down the stairs, sleepily watching you make tracks on the floor. After a few minutes she gives up watching, resolving to settle on the couch and doze off.

You were still annoyed with him, and your argument wasn’t over, but something had him rattled.

After half an hour of pacing you finally relent, moving to sit with Luna. She relishes finally receiving your attention and stretches across your lap, but your stomach churned still. You let your fingers stroke her head as your other hand sinks subconsciously into the pocket of Namjoon’s coat that still hung over your shoulders.

Your hand hits something cold and you pull it out, only to realise that it was his phone. Panic ripples through you as you wonder what would happen if he needs help. You place the phone on the coffee table in front of you, infinite possibilities running through your brain.

You tried to push them from your mind - he wasn’t the chief ranger in the area for no reason. He would be fine, you knew it. You had to believe it.

Time ticket on, and the worry that laces your stomach was threatening to seize your heart too. You weren’t sure of how long it had been since you had seen Namjoon. An hour, definitely. Two, possibly.

You were debating on another round of pacing when Luna bolts up from you, growling and barking at the back door.

You jump to your feet, your gut telling you that it was about Namjoon. You shrug his coat on properly and pull the hood up ad you run to the back door and unlock it frantically.

Manoeuvring a still aggressively barking Luna away from the door you slip through, close it carefully behind you and begin running towards the trees.

The rain had stopped, but the air was still icy, and it was no better despite you pushing further into the trees.

Soon you begin to slow, doubt forming in your mind. What were you running to? You had no direction, no plan. No definite proof that you were running towards Namjoon at all, even if your gut was screaming at you to continue.

You slow to a stop, a small sweat beading on your brow but all of the hairs on your arms begin to rise. There’s something nearby, you know it.

You spin, straining your eyes in the darkness for signs of Namjoon, for anything.

A rustle of a bush nearby startles you, and you snap your eyes to it, your heart in your throat. The wind settles and the rustling stops, and you sigh harshly. You walk back slowly, realising that you shouldn’t have come, and turn to run. You only get about five feet before you see it.

Hunched over beside a tree sits the creature.

You gasp, but smack your hands over your mouth to stop the sound escaping, and you can feel the terror creeping through your system.

You can’t see what it’s doing, but it’s not looking at you. You could see its ears twitching on its head, and you realise you have a chance to escape. No matter what your suspicions may be, you don’t want to risk your life to be right.

You step back slowly, determined to keep it in your sight for as long as possible.

But the forest floor has other plans, and a well-placed root sends you flying to the floor, a sharp cry bursting from you at the impact.

The creature is on you in a second, towering over and you watching with sharp teeth bared, and finally you get a clear look at what had been terrorising you.

Despite all logic and reason, one word screamed at you. Werewolf. Your blood felt like ice in your veins as it glared down at you.

It stood on its hind legs, towering to at least eight feet. Its fur was so dark it was almost jet black, rippling over thick shoulders and arms. Its teeth were as long as your index finger, bared as a low growl rumbled from within. But the eyes were amber, deep, bright, and searching.

“If you’re gonna kill me just do it.” You whimper, your voice shaking.

The wolf eases back slightly, but it doesn't stop its low growl.

“Or are you not gonna kill me?” You ask, sitting up to look at the creature above you.

“Namjoon?”

It lets out a horrifying howl, loud enough to shake your heart and pierce your eardrums. You squeeze your eyes shut and cover your ears, the sound echoing off the trees.

“Do not look at me.”

Your eyes fly open and you stare at the forest floor. The voice was Namjoon’s, no doubt about it, but it also wasn’t deep and dark, and with an echo as if there were five people talking. You obey the voice, the blood roaring in your ears as you let your hands fall away.

“Okay.”

Your head snaps up to see Namjoon, filthy and completely naked with his hands are covering his front.

You stagger to your feet and stare at him. His eyes are still amber, his muscles rippling beneath his skin.

“What the fuck…” you mutter, your voice croaky and low.

His face is contorted, fear, anger and guilt all playing across his features. He moves to step forward but stops, a shiver rippling through him.

Without thinking you pull the coat off yourself and give it to him, averting your eyes so that he can put it on. You ignore the freezing night air that ruffles your tee, raising goosebumps over your skin.

“Thank you.” He says finally, the coat barely grazing his mid thigh. At last, you snap.

“What the fuck, Namjoon? What the actual fu-“

“I’m sorry, Y/N. You can see why I couldn’t tell you anything.”

“You’re a werewolf? Like that’s actually a thing and not some stupid Twilight bullshit?” Namjoon recoils at your words, his face dripping with rage.

“Please don’t mention that, those films are a gross misrepresentation!”

“Not the point!”

“It’s an actual thing, yes. The gene has been in my family for generations, we use it to protect the forest and town from other beings. These woods act as a border between this place and the next.”

“Other beings?”

“Jimin, for example.”

“Jimin? That would explain how- No! Not the point, Namjoon! It was you in the forest with me and Luna. It’s you that keeps sending her crazy!”

“I’m sorry. I never meant to scare you both. Sometimes I have to change - full moons. But during the rest of the moon cycle I have a little more control on whether I can change or not.”

“... Does it hurt?”

A small sad smile passes his lips, and he takes a tentative step forward.

“It can, if I'm not ready for it.”

“What are you protecting the town from?”

“Things a lot scarier than me.”

“Namjoon, tell me!”

“No. I’ve already failed to keep you safe so far! I’m not putting you in any more danger - especially as you constantly go looking for trouble.”

“Why are you trying so hard to keep me safe? I can look after myself.” You stare defiantly, taking an angry step towards him. His grip holding the cost together tightens and he angrily moves forward, sweat beading on his brow.

“Will you stop pushing it, Y/N? I care for you, okay?”

“Why?”

“Y/N, I can’t drag you into this!” He shouts, closing the distance between you but neither of you notice, too wrapped up in shouting at each other.

“I’m not a child, Namjoon. You can’t make decisions for me!”

“I’m not trying to! But there are things out of my control here and I am not risking you!” He shouts, moving his hands from the coat to gesture around you. “I need you to be safe!”

“Why me?” You shout, forehead creased as you stare up at him, his angry warmth spreading through you at the contact.

“Because I like you!”

Your mouth hangs open, and you finally realise you’re both pressed together, his coat hanging open and his crotch pressing into you - and you could feel everything.

“Namjoon...” you whisper, eyes meeting his.

The amber in his eyes glow, ragged breaths making his chest heave as he glares down at you. There's something animalistic about him, the way he watches you like you’re his prey. You swallow thickly, your heart beating wickedly in your chest. You could feel how worked up he was, the annoyance rolling off him in waves as he stares.

His hands are on you in a second, gripping your ass and lower back as he pulls you tight against him, crashing his lips to your own.

You gasp at the impact, but melt into his as he kisses you, angry, fiery and hot all at once. You sink your hands into his hair, rolling your hips against his cock that you could feel hardening against you. It felt big - bigger than anything you’d encountered.

He keeps a hand on your ass as he moved the other in between you, hand sliding under your sweats and panties, fingers immediately flying over your clit. Your eyes practically roll back at the friction, the angry speed Namjoon was setting making you sag against him. When your hips had barely begun to roll into his hands, he moves his finger down to press at your entrance. His speed makes you gasp against him, his mouth stealing kisses from your parted lips. The sound of his fingers in your wet slit was audible over the breeze that rustles through the trees, and despite the heat that burns over your face, it’s endlessly hot and judging by the groans from Namjoon’s lips, he agreed.

“Namjoon…”

“So wet for me, baby. All this for the big bad wolf, huh? I bet you taste sinful.”

He presses his fingers in slowly and you groan into him. He moves his mouth from yours and begins to kiss and suck his way down your neck, steadily increasing the speed of his fingers.

“Gotta prep you, gotta have you ready to take all of me.” He grunts, and you moan at his words and he growls them into your neck.

Two fingers pump into you as you lean against him for support, your hips rolling with every pump of his fingers. Satisfied with how easily his finger could move into you, he breaks away, amber eyes glowing in the dark as if he were bewitched. He slides the two fingers that were inside you into his mouth, and you hear a low growl rumbles from him. Heat creeps across your face as you watch him. He pulls his fingers out with a pop, his eyes transfixed on you, a fresh sheen of sweat dribbling down his brow.

“On your knees.”

You don’t think twice about it, sinking to your knees on the damp forest floor. He stands in front of you and you see just how big he is - thick with a plump head, fully erect and straight. A flicker of panic passes through you.

He grips your chin and tilts your head up to meet his face.

“Are you sure you want this?” He asks. His voice is low and coarse, as if he was holding back. You nod in his hand, feeling your wetness soaking through your panties to trickle down your leg. Without a doubt, you did.

He’s on his knees behind you in an instant, fingers in your waistband and tugging your sweats and panties down as far as he can. His hand snakes up under your shit to grab at your breast, rolling the soft flesh beneath his fingers.

His breath is hot by your ear as your back is flat against his chest, his pants making your mind spin. You feel his cock teasing around your entrance, and slowly he begins to push in.

He’s big, and no amount of fingers could have prepared you for the burn as he pushes inside.

“Look at you taking my cock baby, so good, so tight. Gonna fill you so good you’ll scream for me.”

Your fingers grip onto his arm that lays across your breasts, nails digging into his skin hard enough to draw blood. He hisses into your ear before sinking his teeth into your neck, clamping down as he finally bottoms out inside you.

You can feel your pussy throbbing around him, his tip barely grazing your cervix. It was dizzying, Namjoon sitting fully inside you as you both kneel on the filthy forest floor.

“Move.” You whisper.

As if opening the floodgates, Namjoon reel back and slams into you - no gentle pace, no softness.

He whines into your neck as he hips slam against you, alternating between sucking and biting your neck. You faintly realise your neck is gonna be covered with marks from him, and as you hiss from the sensations that he blankets on your body, you know that you want more. You want whatever he can give you.

“You like me filling you up like this, huh? Want me to fill you more? Want to take all my cum inside, too?”

You cry out at his words as he angles you both down so that you’re on your hands and knees. You grip the ground for any kind of hold as he fucks hard into you, his stomach pressed against you and an arm propped beside you as his mouth hovers by your ear. Hot breath rolls across your throat as he bites down on you again, groans falling from him.

“Namjoon..” you wail as you shiver at his words, and he barks a strained laugh by your ear.

“Oh you like that idea? Want me to fill you and mark you as mine?”

“Yes yes, cum in me Namjoon. Give me everything.”

He growls into your ear, his thrusts hard and fast against your battered core. Your pussy squeezes down on him, and both of you let out a symphony of groans.

“Everything baby? What if I fill you, make you swell up with pups for me, huh?” He groans, his hips stuttering as he fucks you.

The image of him cumming deep inside where no one had ever reached, plump, carrying and heavy just for him wasn’t one you’d ever thought you’d be into. But as his cock grazes over your g-spot with each thrust, and the thought of him filling and breeding you like his play thing was all you could think about.

“God Y/N, so hot all swollen for me. All mine.”

“Joon…” is all you can manage.

Your fingers scrunch into the dirt below you, mud coming up under your fingernails as he fucks into you. He free hands circles around your throat, holding on as he rocks you both roughly. He doesn’t squeeze down hard enough to choke you properly, but just enough to let you know he’s in charge. And he was - you’d do whatever he wanted in that moment.

“Show me how much you want that, baby. I want you to cum on my cock before I breed you. Can you do that for me?”

The softness of his filthy words whispered in your ear coupled with the obscene sounds your pussy makes as he thrusts into your tight hole is almost too much. You whine but nod your head, swallowing a thick gulp under his hand that hangs around your throat.

You lift a hand from the floor and slide it down your body, moving it down towards your sore centre. Ragged breaths pass your lips as you begin to circle your clit, the feeling of Namjoon slapping against you and inside you sends eyes rolling.

“Close…” you whimper, gasping as you feel the tips of his fingers press into your throat.

The thick drag of his cock inside of you, the sharpness of the marks he was leaving on your throat and collarbone, the heady pleasure that spiralled from your touch on your clit, it was all too much.

“Cum baby, let me feel you. Clench down on my cock, show me how good I feel in you.”

With a final harsh thrust you scream out his name, your body jerking and rolling underneath him. Your orgasms crashes through you as your hand flies to grasp at his arm sitting on your throat, nails digging in as you ride through your orgasm. Whimpers and cries pass through you, and Namjoon lets it roll through you until your juddering stops.

“That’s my girl, taking my cock so good.” He whispers by your ear, his heat radiating through you.

His hips begin to move again, pounding at your weak pussy as he begins to chase his own high. Your sensitive core was still being stretched by the size of him, but it still felt good to have him pushing inside.

His hips became stuttery as he fucked into you, his hot breaths jagged by your ear.

“Gonna cum baby, will you let me knot in you? Give you all my cum and make you mine?”

“Yes, fuck. Yes Joon!” You squark, another orgasm building inside of you already.

Your hand flies down to play with your clit again, faster and harder than before leaving you whining and panting. As soon as you start clenching he lets out an almighty growl, and you knew he was about to blow.

Your orgasm is forgotten when his knot begins to expand inside you.

Gasping at the stretch, Namjoon moves his hands from your throat to card through your hair, letting his fingers tangle there as he growls into you.  His thrusts slow as his knot swells, and you whimper, your walls stretching almost uncomfortably around him.

“So good for me baby, taking my whole knot. Gonna pump you so full baby, wanna make you swell for me and carry my pups. You want that, Y/N? Want to be mine? So good to me.”

His rambling continues, getting breathier and breathier as hot cum shoots out of his cock and coats your insides. His head drops to your shoulder as his hips twitch, ropes and ropes of cum spurting inside you. His hips twitch as he pumps his last into you, and you had never felt so full, practically fit to bursting. You could feel his cum leaking out past his slowly softening knot, and feel yourself begin to drip out past his cock and down your legs.

The feeling of him pulling out of you and the cum flowing out of you is obscene, but the soreness and the blush across your face grounded you.

Namjoon sits back on his knees, pulling you with him, your back flush against his chest. He plants soothing kisses over the bites on your neck and shoulder, the tip of his tongue tracing the deeper bites.

“So good, Y/N, fuck.” He whispers, lips placing soft kisses below your ear.

He slides one of his big hands to your inner thigh, and pulls it up to see a string of cum stretching across his fingers. He sighs, the breath rolling down your neck.

“We can’t have this escaping, can we?” He groans.

Tangling one of your hands in your hair, he slides the other back to your core, gathering up the cum still leaking from you on his fingers.

Slowly he presses two fingers back inside you, curling them inside you as he pushes his cum back into you. You gasp, and with his fingers in his hair he turns your head to look at him, watching you get worked up on his fingers.

“You look so good with me filling you up. I’m gonna need you to ride me next time so I can see your face.” The smirk spreads across his face as you stare at him, your vision hazy as his fingers begin to piston inside of you.

“Next time?” You strangle out, meeting his gentle amber-brown eyes.

The squelching sounds of his fingers inside you are outrageous, a blush spreading across your face. Namjoon watches in delight as it spreads down your throat, a small laugh bursting from him. He lets his thumb flick out across your clit, and soon you’re seeing stars. Unable to keep your eyes open they slam shut, your body rolling back against him, his fingers still tight in your hair.

“If you’ll let me.”

“Y-yes, always. Fuck, there!”

With a final few pumps of his fingers and a flick over your clit your hips roll into his hand, your orgasm riding through you as you buck. Namjoon lets his fingers still, plugging you so that no more cum leaks from your sore and sensitive core. He pushes the leaking cum back in you a few more times before he slides them out of you.

You open your eyes groggily to find him staring down at you softly. He moves his hand up, and you look at it to see his fingers dripping with both of your juices.

You grab his wrist and manoeuvre his fingers into your mouth, eyes shooting up to meet his as you suck them clean. You let your tongue swirl around them as you swallow down the salty substance, eyes never leaving his stricken expression.

A low growl resonates in his throat, his eyes greedily watching your mouth.

“Fuck, be mine, Y/N.”

You pull his fingers from your mouth with a pop, smiling sheepishly up at him. There was no trace of amber in his eyes, just the deep chocolate you had grown fond of.

“Are you asking me out?”

His face suddenly drops all hints of smugness, his cheeks bursting with red as he looks away from you briefly, holding you tight against his warm stomach. Shy, despite the lewd things he was just whispering in your ear and how he fucked you on the soggy forest floor.

“Yeah, I mean, if you’ll have me.” He mumbles, and a laugh ripples through you.

“Yes Namjoon, I’d love to. Though I didn’t expect you to ask like this…” you say, gesturing to you both kneeling almost fully naked on the mulchy floor.

“Oh! Right.”

With a final few pecks across your tender neck, he pulls both of you to your feet. He finally releases you and the cold latches onto you. You shimmy your sweats back on, ignoring how they stick to the insides of your legs.

Your arms raise in goosebumps as you finally reacquaint with your surroundings and the lack of Namjoon's super warm body heat to keep you cosy.  

He shucks the coat back onto his shoulders but moves forward and wraps his arm and the coat around you, and slowly begins to steer you back up to where you imagine the house to be.

“We should probably chat when we have a minute. I know you have a lot of questions.” His fingers clench a little on your shoulder, but you run a hand up and lace your fingers with his.

“I do. But I’m not going to be scared off.” He smiles down at your words, pressing a light kiss to your lips.

The walk back is slow, but you don’t mind. Namjoon was like a walking radiator, and you relished in it on the way back. Your mind begins to race with all of the questions you could finally get answers for once you were back inside your house, but Namjoon stops dead.

“Joon?” You whisper. You don’t know why, but something felt very wrong.

You look up at him, but his eyes are transfixed on the trees beside him. He untangles himself from you, turning his body away and pulling you against his back. You try and peer over his shoulder at what he was focused on, but your human eyes could make out nothing.

“What are you doing in this part of the forest? You’re not supposed to be here.” Namjoon bellowed, his voice deep and angry.

Spurred on by his words, out from the trees creep three looming figures.

You strain your eyes, watching as they emerge - only to be faced with three werewolves.

Namjoon tenses in front of you, and you watch in horror as the three of them fan out. Your blood runs cold as they watch you both, snarls thick and loud over the growing wind that howls through the forest.

Three werewolves. The biggest stood in the middle, a mottled grey and black creature with a crooked nose and wild eyes. The second smallest was an ash grey, it’s teeth bared and feral, stood panting, coiled, looking ready to spring. The smallest -but still standing much taller than you- was a dingy brown, it’s low growl almost as feral as a hyena’s.

“Namjoon. I knew you would be lurking around but I didn’t expect you to look like… this.” The biggest wolf rears to two feet to watch you, it’s voice a distant echo and a nearby nightmare all at once.

“What are you doing here?” Namjoon barks. If he was afraid, he showed no sign of it.

“Forest’s not safe any more. Something dark… it doesn't matter. Who's your friend?” The biggest wolf leans back on his haunches to glare over Namjoon’s shoulder, peering down into your face.

You tried to stand your ground and glare back, despite the terror that seizes in your chest.

“Is this your mate?”

“Mate?” You mumble, but Namjoon doesn’t respond.

“You do know how to pick ‘em.” The biggest snarls.

Namjoon reaches his hand behind himself to knot his fingers in your shirt, keeping you by him.

“You have one chance. Get out of my forest, or face the consequences.” Namjoon stands his ground, chest puffed as he glares down the huge creatures.

“We told you-“ the small dingy one growls.

“We can’t go back, young wolf. There’s something in the forest… we’re not risking our lives. So get out of our way, or you and your mate won’t see tomorrow.”

A snarl rumbles from behind you, and you spin out of Namjoon’s grip to come face-to-face with the middle wolf. You hadn’t realised that he has snuck from the group, but as his rancid breath rolled across your face and spittle drooled from his mouth, you could tell what his intentions were.

You could feel Namjoon moving behind you, letting out a sharp cry of anguish that deepened as you felt him grow behind you.

You wanted to turn, to see him change, to warn him away from a battle with these creatures, but you couldn’t move. The wolf that was in front of you pressed closer into you so that he leered down at you, the tips of his fur brushing your arms.

“Get back.” You growl out, but your voice wavers, fear thick in your throat.

The wolf above you simply glowers, and you swallow hard as he begins to press you in. It raises a meaty paw, dragging back to swipe at you, but in a flash the wolf is sent careening back, it’s body slamming into a tree ten feet away.

You spin, shock flushing hotly through you. You turn to see Namjoon standing behind you, fully transformed and wolf-like. His broad chest heaves from exertion, casting you a quick glance before he turns back to the other wolves.

Growls echo off the trees, the dark air rippling with an aura dark enough to feel tangible. Retaliation was imminent, and you don’t know if Namjoon is able to take on two feral creatures.

They waste no time, the two wolves jumping at Namjoon. You stagger out of the way, a mass of growls and bodies flying at each other. You watch helplessly as the wolves snap at Namjoon where they can reach: neck, ankles, limbs, whatever they could tear at.

He gives as good as he gets, slamming into them with all his might. Namjoon was broad, holding a lot of power in each swing. But he was outnumbered, and you could see how desperate they were by how scrappily they were attacking. You realised that if Namjoon was going to win this fight, he wouldn’t come out of it whole. He needed help.

You keep casting paranoid glances back at the wolf that still sat slumped against the tree behind the carnage. Dropping to the floor and scrabbling around in the mulch, you find a fist-size stone and launch it into the tussle. It slams into the smaller wolf’s back, making him yelp at the impact.

It whips its head back to you, a blood-curling howl falling from its lips as it tries to break free from the fight and head straight to you. You scuffle back up over tree roots and craggy rock outcrops, your blood running cold as it’s beady yellow eyes follow your movements.

It speeds up, charging at you full tilt when it crashes to the floor beside you, Namjoon’s body pinning it down. You cry out as you slip to your feet on the muddy floor, his face level with yours.

“Y/N, get Hoseok!”

You barely registered his deep voice as the big wolf throws himself at Namjoon, pulling at his long ears awkwardly to pull him off the other wolf. Namjoon lets out a deafening cry. Without thinking you jump to your feet and slam your boot into the creature’s eye, sending the heel straight into his eye. It releases Namjoon just long enough for him to get to his feet and wrestle both the wolves underneath him, into his grip.

“Why?!”

“Get Hoseok!”

“I can’t just leave you!” You wail, watching as he fights to keep control as the two wolves bite viciously at his grip.

“Y/N, please!” He almost screams, the desperation in his voice thick despite how un-Namjoon- like he sounded.

You stagger back and watch, fear tearing at you as you watch him struggle. His reactions were getting slower, and patches of blood grew thicker along his body.

Nodding dumbly, you ignore the tears that prickled at your eyes, staggering uphill to where you desperately hope your house sat sleepily despite the chaos that sat outside its warm wooden walls.

“Namjoon, stay alive or I’m going to be really fucking angry!” You scream over your shoulder, desperate for him to heed your words.

The cacophony of growls, whines and howls of pain soon drifted away until all that surrounded you was suffocating silence as bone-chilling cold. But you ignored it like you ignored the bile that wanted to rise in your throat, the same way you ignored the way your heart was beating so erratically that you feel like it would burst from your chest.

You pushed the pain that burned in your legs to the back of the mind as finally, the edge of the treeline was visible. You let out a grateful sob as you stager out from between the trees, throwing yourself up the veranda steps and stumbling inside.

Luna jumps up off the sofa with a bark, and upon seeing you, runs at you, tail wagging excitedly. You absently pat her head as you carefully sidestep her and run to your grandma’s landline, stumped as you stare at the number pad.

Hoseok. How the hell were you gonna get hold of him?

As if a light flickered in your head, you drop the handset and jump over the sofa to get the coffee table, snatching up Namjoon’s phone and unlocking it. Thankfully it didn’t have a passcode and you began scrolling through the numbers, stopping on Hoseok’s name and slamming dial. Your skin prickled as you warmed inside the house, you sodden tee and sweats holding the cold against you.

He picks up after the second ring, and you could tell he was anxious.

“Joon, where are you?”

“Hoseok, it’s Y/N-”

“Y/N? Is he with you?”

“He’s in the forest by Grandma’s there’s wolves- he’s fighting- he’s not gonna last Hoseok!” You bellow down the phone, your eyes slammed shut to keep back panicked tears.

“I’m on my wa-” He doesn’t finish his sentence before he hangs up.

You know you need to wait, to get Hoseok and show him where Namjoon was. He obviously knows about Namjoon’s shifting as he didn’t refute a word you said. Was he one too? Or was he trusted?

Either way, you weren’t going to wait. You couldn’t.

You run to the back door, telling Luna to stay put - but you stoop to grab the baseball bat. You fly from the house once you had safely shut the dog inside, storming out into the night and heading through the same patch of trees that you emerged from.

Panic gnawed at your gut as you stumble over roots and broken branches. You put all your faith in your gut, hoping you manage to stumble into Namjoon once again. But you were stumbling wildly around, the only gut feeling you had was a sensation to just run.

You don’t make it much further as you’re slammed into the ground, the bat rolling from your hands and out of reach. A heavy weight sits on your back pressing your body painfully into the sharp and craggy ground.

You struggle round and try to gasp in breath, only come face-to-face with the wolf Namjoon had knocked out earlier. You try and recoil as it presses your face to yours, it’s beady yellow eyes glaring into you.

“Hello again, Namjoon’s mate.”

“Mate?” You reply dumbly.

The wolf throws its head back to laugh, and you take the chance to look for the baseball bat. It’s still nearby - near enough for you to reach. You just needed to survive long enough to grab it.

“Oh, I’m going to enjoy eating you, human.”

“Aren’t you a human too?”

“What?”

“You’re a werewolf too, right? So aren’t you a human too? Isn’t that cannibalism?” Your voice comes out light; very light considering you had a seven-foot wolf crushing your body into the forest floor.

The wolf tilts its head as it looks at you, a line of drool escaping from its mouth and pooling on your shoulder. You hold back a cry, carefully walking your fingers out across the wet floor as you begin to subtly reach for the bat.

“I was human, long ago.”

“What happened?”

“I don’t tell my food my life story. Do you?”

You choke on your words, the wind picking up and rustling through the forest. The wolf’s fur billows, and you use the volume of the wind to carefully smack your hand around. You graze the smooth wood of the handle, and you gasp before you can help yourself.

The wolf reads your face and scans around you, only to see the bat millimetres from your fingertips. It stares back at you and growls, and the fear that shreds through you is almost crippling.

You force your body against the weight pressing down on you, and with all your might, throw yourself towards the bat. You wrap your fingers around the base and swinging it up as hard as you can, aiming for wherever you could hit the wolf.

A huge blust of wind -bigger than anything you had felt- blasts through the woods, sending the wolf flying away from you, slamming against the forest floor with a sickening crunch. You watch in confused horror as it slowly begins to stagger to its feet when another rush of powerful wind blows through, pulling up roots from the floor and wrapping themselves around the dazed wolf.

You stare around confused, only to see Hoseok stepping through the trees, hands gently cupped and pointing at the wolf.

“Y-you?” you stammer, watching with wide eyes and even wider mouth as Hoseok drops his hands. The wind drops immediately, resuming the softer breeze that had been there all night.

“Are you okay?” He asks, reaching out a hand to pull you up. You eye him cautiously before you take his hand and get to shaky feet.

You wobble to the baseball bat and pick it up, gripping the cold wood tightly.

“I nearly had it!” You blurt, waving the bat at him.

“We don’t have time for nearly. Where are they?”

You let the bat drop by your side as you pause, letting your gut take over. You knew he was nearby, and you didn’t have any time left to waste.

“This way.”

Hoseok barely has time to register your words before you’re careening through the trees. He’s hot on your heels as you begin to sprint, as soon enough, howls could be heard echoing through the trees.

You slow as the sound bounces, unable to pinpoint where it is coming from. Hoseok doesn’t slow, barrelling past you and through the trees. You do your best to keep up, the heavy reverberations of your feet hitting the floor coursing ache through your body.

Finally you see them - a flurry of fur and red.

Hoseok sweeps into the areas and throws his open hands out at the wolves, sending them flying in different directions.

Namjoon stumbles to his feet, dark drips falling from his body. He casts a quick eye over you and Hoseok before zeroing in on the wolves across from him. He rolls his neck and hunkers down, ready to go again. The other wolves aren’t in a better state - though the bigger of the two seemed to be held together by pure malice. His eyes were locked on Namjoon, and Namjoon alone.

After that, it was a free-for-all.

Namjoon staggers wearily to his feet, only to charge at the biggest, tackling him and wrestling him to the floor. Hoseok charges at the other, lifting debris from around him and hurling it towards the limping wolf.

All you could do was watch.

The smaller wolf manages to break from Hoseok’s storm and makes a run for it, vanishing between the gnarled roots that littered the frost floor.

“I’m going after him!” He bellows before darting after the wolf.

You spin back to Namjoon, hesitantly watching as he fights back the remaining werewolf, holding it back from snapping at his neck. He lands a heavy punch, sending the wolf staggering back. It looked positively feral, it’s orange eyes narrowed slits and it’s mouth practically frothing. It had its sights set on Namjoon, and it wasn’t going to stop until one or both of them were dead. And it looked like it wouldn’t take much.

In the time that you had been gone, Namjoon was soaked - sweat or blood, you couldn’t tell. It was matted into his jet black fur, and with the way he heaved breaths in and wobbled on the spot, you knew it wouldn’t be long.

The wolf gets under Namjoon, taking his feet out from below him and slamming him onto his back. You hold in a gasp as you watch on in horror. The wolf presses one foot onto Namjoon’s chest and the other across his throat, pressing down hard.

Namjoon flounders undeath the wolf, arms flailing to get a good purchase. The growls that ha once clouded the area had stopped, the only noise gargling from Namjoon’s constricted throat.

“You should have let me through, little wolf.” The big wolf snarls glaring down at Namjoon.

It opens its mouth wide, heading for Najoon’s throat, and you finally find yourself able to move, no longer willing to stay petrified in fear.

You run forward and scream bloody murder. The wolf swings round to look at you, only to be smashed across the face with the bat. A high-pitched wail flies from it and it crashes to the floor, eyes rolling to the back of its head.

Once you were sure it wasn’t going to get back up any time soon, you spring to Namjoon’s side and cautiously kneel down beside him.

His chest rises and falls rapidly as he catches his breath, his eyes screwed shut.

Finally he looks at you and you want to flinch from his intense amber gaze but you gold your ground. He moves a big hand to cup your face, the paw almost as big as your head.

“Hoseok?” He croaks, and you nod in the direction he ran off into.

“I’ll watch the wolf. Go.”

Namjoon nods once at you before staggering to his feet and limping after Hoseok. You stand too, moving to hover over the big wolf, baseball bat levelled at its head in case it dared move.

It didn’t, but the minutes ticked on silently.  

You tried not to look at the unconscious creature at your feet too much, careful not to get sucked into your fears and worries. It’s teeth were huge, it’s jaw wide, and it’s claws deadly. How was Namjoon still able to stand after facing off with two at once?

Shuffling can be heard, branches snapping and a low murmur. You spin to the sound, bat reared and ready to swing. But through the trees stumbles Hoseok dragging an unconscious wolf. You scan behind him, ice running through you as you fail to see Namjoon. You wait, rolling onto your toes to peer between the trees.

Finally, mercifully, you see a messy head of honey hair appear between the trees, and a once-again naked Namjoon staggers into view.

You throw the bat as you run, launching yourself at him and wrapping yourself tightly around him. He sways under your grip, and you pull back with damp eyes and take in his appearance.

Your hands cup his face, slightly swollen on the left but not too bad. The rest of his body though… he was littered in bites and scratches, blood and sweat slowly drying on his weakened body.

Hoseok pulls off his coat and throws it to you, and you shout your thanks as you help Namjoon pull it on his body. He winces as he moves his arms back, and grunts as the weight of the coat presses down on his injuries.

Sliding under his him, you sling his arm across your shoulders and take some of his weight, walking him slowly towards the house.

“I’ll take Namjoon back to mine and patch him up. Will you be okay?” You shout to Hoseok, watching as he dumps the werewolf he was dragging by the other.

“I’ve already made a call. I’ll have some help in just a minute. Look after him.” Hoseok nods, a wide knowing smile stretching across his face.

Namjoon offers him a weak wave as you both move towards the house.

He leans more and more weight on you, but you struggle on.

“Joon? Stay with me, stay awake.”

“Joon?”

“Oh, I guess it’s kinda stuck.” You laugh, heat cropping on your cheeks.

“I like you saying it.” He slurs slightly, and you tighten your grip.

“So Hoseok… what is he?”

“That's- ah, that hurts. That’s for him to say.” You shift your grip slightly and sigh, but catch him grinning at you.

“You’re no fun.”

Mercifully the house soon comes into view between the trees, and with a huge amount of your remaining energy, you manage to get him up the steps and swing open your door.

Luna is already on her feet and waiting, and as soon as she sees you both she begins howling. She runs and licks at you both, tail wagging so hard her butt shakes.

“Hey girl, sorry I scared you the other night.” Namjoon smiles weakly, slipping from your grip to scratch at Luna’s head.

“Come on, bathroom.” You say, grabbing his free hand and gently tugging him up the stairs.

He’s slow, but he makes it. Once inside you shut the door and throw on the light making both of you groan at the brightness. Having been outside all night was really starting to play with your senses.

You push him to sit on the closed toilet whilst you gather things to clean and patch him up with. He watches you run around, eyes half closed and dreamy.

You kneel down in front of him, damp towel in hand. He smiles tiredly at you, dimples proudly on show and eyes heavy-lidded. You could feel your heart almost stop. You could look at him like that forever.

Forcing yourself to move, you shuffle between his legs and help him push off the coat on his shoulders, biting your lip with each wince he gives. Naked once again, you begin to dab the towel over the areas of dried blood and sweat that pools on him. All you needed was for him to stay awake - you weren’t sure you could drag his heavy limp body anywhere.

“So, does this make me a furry?”

He chokes out a laugh, eyes examining your face as you slowly clean him. You make light work across his stomach, slowly working your way up his broad chest and to his shoulders.

“Only if you want me when I’m a wolf. You should see my dick then-“

“Namjoon!”

“What? I thought we were trying to work out if you’re a furry!”

“Don’t talk about your wolfie weenie-“

“My what?!” He laughs, leaning back against the wall.

You have to kneel up and lean in between his thighs to reach his shoulders, your head level with his chin.

You look up at him, your towel stilling on his chest as you meet eyes. He smiles softly at you before he leans down and captures your lips with his. His kiss is gentle and slow, like a reawakening.

Placing your other hand firmly on his chest you push him away, trying to appear stern.

“No, not now. I can't have you bleeding over my grandma’s bathroom.”

“Okay, not now. But there’s a chance for more kisses later?” He asks, eyebrow raised. You laugh and shake your head, rinsing off the towel and bringing it back to his body.

“You’re ridiculous. You want kisses when not long ago I didn’t know if you were even gonna…” you trail off, not willing to vocalise your fears about losing him. You couldn’t.

“Shh, hey, come here.”

His hands cup your face, bringing you level. He dots kisses over all the skin that he can reach, thumbs rubbing soothingly across your cheeks.

“I’m not leaving you, Y/N. I only just got you.”

You nod in his hands, pressing forward to kiss him again. You’re careful when you press your body flat against him, not applying too much pressure but touching as much of him as you could.

He kisses you back, the heat between your growing. You let your hands knot into his hair, fingers tugging through the wind-tangled strands.

It’s not long before you feel him growing hard against you, and you pull back from the kiss to glare at him.

“You’re getting hard? Now, seriously?”

“I can’t help it! You’re hot and I'm turned on. If anything, it's your fault.” He smirks, shrugging his shoulders at you.

“I’m not touching anything until you’re patched up, Joon. And even then! You need to rest.”

You force yourself to get to your feet, slipping out of his warm touch. You throw back the shower curtain and turn on the taps, hot water shooting out of the showerhead and collecting in the bathtub, slowly draining away. You crack open a window as steam fills the room, making your filthy clothes stick tighter to your skin.

You hold out a hand to him which he begrudgingly takes, letting you help him to his feet and climb carefully into the shower.

He practically melts under the warm spray, the water cascading down his golden skin. You watch in awe as the water dances across his chest, washing away all the excess grime that clings to his skin.

You turn him gently, dabbing at his back and gently scrubbing away the dried blood and dirt.

He practically moans at your touch, and you bite your lip so you don’t get sucked in. He was injured and he needed to be cleaned, you couldn’t go further than that.

But he grabs hold of your arm, tugging you softly to the tub.

“Come on, Y/N. I know what is still sitting between your legs. Are you still dripping for me?”

“Namjoon!” You squeak, but you let him pull you up into the tub, just shy of the shower’s stream.

“What? Am I wrong? It’s not like we had a chance to get clean.”

You slap his shoulder, and the smirk on his face turns to a wince. You gasp and step towards him to comfort him, dousing your clothes.

“Now you’re gonna have to take those filthy clothes off. I promise, no funny business.” He holds up his hands in a surrender motion, before reaching out and beginning to tug on your shirt.

He begins to try and lift it over your head, but he drops the shirt, hissing as his sore skin pulls tight. You sigh, brushing his hands from you and removing your sodden clothes and throwing them into the sink. The warmth that was sinking below your skin was heavenly, a feeling that you had almost forgotten.

Finally fully bare in front of his eyes, you want to hide. But he takes you by the hand, a soft smile on his face as he drags you under the stream and presses your bodies together, his eyes swimming with stars as he looks at you.

You kiss again, safe and warm under the hot water. You break apart and begin to splash water over yourself, and soon enough the grime was scrubbed away. Turning Namjoon around, you drop a chunk of shampoo in your hands and work it into his scalp, combing away all the knots with your fingers until it was soft and clean. You tapped him back under the water and massaged it out, delight trickling through you as he shivers under your touch.

You turn from him and let the water run down your back, your temperature finally warm enough to let your body relax fully. You finally get to wash away the stickiness that had begun to dry between your legs, the memories of Namjoon making heat burst across your face.

Namjoon’s hands snake over your hips, pulling you flat against his chest. He lets his hands wander down to cup your slit. You gasp at the touch, grabbing hold of his arms.

“I thought you said no funny business?” You lean back into him and whisper.

“I’m just making sure you’re clean, baby.” His breath is hot on your ear and you shiver at the pet name, rolling your body against him.

He lets his finger run over your slit, water cascading over you both. He dips in, letting his finger run up you until he hits your clit. Swiping small circles there, he presses a kiss against the shell of your ear before taking the lobe between his teeth and tugging softly.

“All these marks… all mine…”

You turn your head as Namjoon trails kisses down your shoulders, bite marks and soft bruises welling over your skin.

“Sorry if it was too rough. Some of these look a little fierce.”

“Mmm, it’s fine.” You sigh, hips rolling as his fingers press a little harder on your clit.

His head lulls heavily on your shoulder, and you reluctantly pull his hand away from your body as you turn to face him.

“Sit, Namjoon.”

“Is this a dog thing?”

“Sit on the edge of the bath, you moron!”

You push gently on his shoulder as he sits on the rim of the bath, leaning back against the wall. He slumps, relief washing over him as he gets off his feet. You kneel between his legs, concern written across your face as you look up at him.

“I’m fine, honestly. My body is tired but my mind… it’s all you.” He smiles, fingers reaching out to tangle in your hair.

You surge up to kiss him, his fully hard length pressing into your stomach.

“I guess I need to find a way to keep your body awake then…” you smirk against his lips.

You let your hand trail to his cock, taking the thick member in your hands and slowly starting to pump him.

His face knots as he stares down at you, eyes meeting yours. You smile as you move your head down, licking a fat strip up the underside of him.

He groans and throws his head back against the wall. You smirk as you move to sink your mouth over his tip, but stop, worry bubbling in your mind.

“Erm, if you get close enough to cum, will you, you know, knot in my throat?” You ask, eyes wide with worry as you stare up at him.

For a minute you think he’ll laugh at you but he doesn’t. He simply runs a hand through your hair and smiles down at you, that dimple you’ve come to adore popping out at you.

“No. I only did early because I was still pumped up from adrenaline and changed back to this form very quickly.”

You nod, letting him tuck a lock of hair behind your ear. Flashing him a smile, you lean down, hovering over his lip and giving it a small kitten lick across his slit. When he’s fully leant back against the wall, you flash him a grin and sink your mouth over him, taking him as far as you can go.  

He releases a string of curses as you hold him in your mouth and slowly start to pull off him, thick cock making the corners of your mouth sore already. You flutter your eyes up to him and wag an eyebrow, and he shakes his head.

“God, what are you doing to me?” He groans, fingers tight in your hair.

“Just checking you’re still awake.” You smirk as you pull off his length.

His next words are cut off as you slide your mouth over his tip, swirling your tongue over any skin you could reach. You pump a hand over the rest of his length, letting his moans hit your ears.

You pull off him with a pop and pump vigorously, watching as his mouth falls open at your work. His eyes are heavy, flicking between your hands and your face.

“Y/N…” your name falls from his lips like a prayer, louder and louder as you work him higher.

You bring your mouth back down, running your tongue along his tip. His hips roll slightly, utterly helpless under your hands and making you soak.

You reach down a hand between your legs and begin to rub at your clit, the water from the shower warm as it hits your back and cascades down.

“So hot…” he groans, watching as you grind on your hand whilst your other picks up pace.

You moan onto him, the vibrations causing him to suck air thickly through his teeth. Soon he’s practically bucking off the side of the tub, unable to take any more.

“Y/N, ride me.” He moans, fingers tugging softly in your hair. You pull off him and look at him with your eyebrows drawn.

“I don’t know, Namjoon. You’re not strong enough for that kind of thing…”

“Y/N, please, I need it.” He whines, and you roll your eyes.

“Sit in the bath. If you so much as move, I’ll leave you so high and dry you’ll forget your own name.” You command, your hands slipping away from your bodies as you kneel back.

“God, yes ma’am.” He sighs dreamily, carefully lowering himself into the bathtub.

The shower continues to pour as Namjoon sits on his ass, the stream just hitting in front of him. You move through the stream to straddle him, pushing wet hair out of your face.

“If you’re in any pain, tell me and I’ll stop-“

“I’d rather die-“

“Namjoon-“

“I wanna be inside you, baby, please.” You clench at his words, a groan falling from your lips.

You line him up, pressing him against your entrance as you brace yourself against his shoulders.

Slowly you begin to lower yourself, his thickness causing you to hiss. He places his hands on your hips, guiding you down without any pressure.

The drag inside you is pure pleasure and pain, a tight squeeze until he’s fully seated inside of you. You let out a breath and lean your forehead against his, getting used to how thick he is inside of you.

“That’s it baby, you take me so well.” He whispers, his eyes fluttering closed as he revels in you.

“Never had you pegged as a talker, Joon.” You mutter.

“There’s a lot you’re gonna learn about me- oh fuck!”

You cut him off with an experimental roll of your hips, pulling away from him to watch his eyes roll. Placing a hand behind his head on the edge of the tub you start your slow ascent, sliding almost fully off his girthy length before rolling back down, bottoming out once again.

“God, you fill me so good.” You mumble, setting a slow pace as you begin to ride him. He drags a lip between his teeth as he watches himself disappear in and out of you.

“Tell me baby, I wanna know how good I make you feel.”

“Want me to inflate that ego, huh?”

“Please baby, I’m injured.” He smirks at you, his eyes wide.

“Puppy dog eyes won’t work on me, Namjoon.” You clench down on him, and his fingers dig into your hips. “You’re not exactly a puppy.”

“Y/N, don’t make me beg-“

“Like a dog-“

I’m being serious! God how are you arguing when I'm sitting so deep inside of you?”

You chuckle as you roll your hips, picking up your speed. His hands move to your chest, rolling your nipples between his large fingers.

Your head rolls back at his touch, and a broken groan escapes you as he sits forward a little, taking a nipple into his mouth.

He swirls the bud with his tongue, and you knot your free hand in his hair, holding him steady as you ride him. His slides a hand to grab at your ass whilst the other tugs on your free nipple, a torrent of sensations that send you hurtling to the edge.

“Joon-“ you gasp, tugging him gently off your nipple to pepper his faces with soft kisses.

He slides his hands down from you other breast to brush teasingly over your clit. He doesn’t apply enough pressure, and no matter how many times you clench on his dick as you ride him, he doesn’t pick up his pace.

“Please Namjoon!” You whine, feeling every inch of him press teasingly against your g-spot.

“Tell me how good I make you feel.”

“Come on-“

“It’ll make me feel better baby.” He pouts, letting his fingers rub briefly across your clit, making you see stars.

“You make me feel so good, Joon.” You say a little awkwardly, but he moans, dotting kisses up your throat and jaw.

“So thick inside me. Want to cum all over your cock.”

“Mm, me too-“

“Want you to cum in me again, want you to fill my pussy up.”

He practically growls, seizing your lips with his as he bucks up into you, crashing his lips against your own. You kiss him back, leafing your hands through his soft locks as he pounds up into you. His fingers finally giving what you want and rubbing over your throbbing clit.

With a strangled cry of his name against his lips you come undone, bucking on him as pleasure rolls through you. Your walls clench down on him too, dragging his orgasm out of him. You feel him pulse inside of you, hot ropes of cum shooting out from him.

Both of you stay there for a moment, Namjoon firmly seated inside you as you kiss, slowly, sloppily.

He finally breaks away from your kiss to pull his softening length from you, and a trail of cum leaks from your sore pussy. Running a finger up your thigh, he grins sheepishly at you.

You sit forward and seize his hand, sticking the finger between your lips and licking it clean. He watches you with an open mouth, and once you pull him out with a pop, he sits forward and kisses you, tasting himself on your tongue.

“I could watch you do that forever. You’re incredible.” He sighs as he sits back against the tub, pulling you to lean on him.

You laugh, pecking lightly at his lips.

You sit carding a hand through his damp hair, eyes locked in a gentle embrace. He lets his hands sit on you back, rubbing small circles in your skin.  

Luna can be heard shuffling outside the door, yapping like a puppy. You smile, letting your head nestle into his neck.

“We should probably get out of the shower and let you rest properly.” You sigh, letting your breath fan over his chest.

“Yeah.” He says softly, but makes no effort to move. Luna begins yapping again, and you smile.

“Can you tell her we’re coming out?” You ask, and Namjoon chuckles, shaking you.

“I don’t know what she’s saying.”

“But you’re also a mutt-“

“Hey, that’s speciest.”

“Sorry, big bad wolf, I take it back.” You laugh, pulling back to smile at him.

“Hey Joon, what’s a mate?” You ask, and delight in watching his eyes blown wide.

“Erm… kinda like a girlfriend, I guess? But more, I dunno… Fated.”

“And everyone seems to think I’m your mate.” You say carefully.

“Yeah… I think it’s a smell thing.” He shrugs, but you could see the blush stretching across his face.

“I don’t mind, you know.” You smile.

“You- you don’t?” He stammers.

“No - but I think you need to take me on a date first, before we start talking semantics.” You smirk, leaning forward to press your lips back against his.

“Yes ma’am.” He grins, holding you tight against him.

“Good boy-“

“Hey!”

[albatris]

Hi hello I hope you're doing well and getting read to sn00ze soon, STS! Saturday! Yes! Cause you're an artist and a writer, I was wondering how much the two mediums bleed into each other? Does drawing something out help you visualise it better, or do they not really interact much at all?

hello hi hey there and happy storyteller saturday :D thank you for the question!! I hope ur having a cool day B)

and even though you sent this yesterday you telling me to sn00ze is equally applicable today as it is almost every day of the week so................ yep, I’ll be sure to get onto that at some point. you’re probably going to make a >:c face at me for answering this at 3:06am

anyway! this is an interesting question! and a good one! unfortunately it may not have a very interesting answer?

my initial response was gonna be that they don’t really bleed into each other at all, but then........ nah, they kinda do

(and then about halfway through typing this draft I was like But What About Undertow, and my response became “oh yeah they definitely do”, but I’ll get to that in a bit)

but yeah! I think my writing definitely influences my art! both in the sense that I tend to draw mostly story stuff, ‘cause I like my stories and drawing is fun, but also in terms of like....... inspiration! usually I have a pretty good image of stuff in my head already while I’m writing, n sometimes this image will make me go “hell yeah I vibe with this I wanna draw it”, but the art itself generally turns out nothing like what I envision and usually takes a life of its own ‘cause I’ll just end up drawing whatever looks cool hahahaha

so I get some neat experiments and doodles and weirdness in various art pieces that definitely stemmed from story daydreams, but probably aren’t super related to the story itself in the end :P y’all don’t see much of this stuff ‘cause I mostly just post character drawings lmao

(this is bc I’m most confident with character drawings, and I will fistfight Drawing Backgrounds And Scenes in a wendy’s parking lot any day of the week)

but kinda hopping back up for a sec, one example that IS related to the story is like

drawings I’ve done that are centred in ATDAO’s unreality aren’t actually a super good representation of what the unreality is actually like? or I mean. they could be. they can be! but the drawings are centred around very literal concrete representations of glitchy weirdness

whereas in the story itself (at least to start with) there’s much more a focus on the general looming Hey Something Is Horribly Wrong vibes and, like, the unravelling and bleeding together of senses, the way the narration changes (ie the way your own thought processes slowly start becoming completely foreign to you), n just........ glitchy weirdness, but not glitchy weirdness that you can visually represent, glitchy weirdness that is canonically in the category “you can experience this and have no way to process it because a human mind is not equipped to translate it and your senses have no way of taking it in”

n then I bring the body horror in full force but that’s neither here nor there

existential terror and uncanny valley vibes r hard to draw, y’know? so the drawings mostly just wind up as me having fun with the aesthetic hahaha

but yeah, art stuff stems from story daydreams, it’s very rare that story stuff will stem from art daydreams

character drawings were something I started doing just ‘cause I liked my characters and I was vibin, but they ended up being the one exception in that they DO tend to actively inspire the decisions I make in the story itself, unlike my other art

written descriptions of people are a weak point for me, generally I’ll kinda know at least the key aspects of what folks look like, but the descriptions I come up with on page are always frustratingly vague............. n drawing them out helps me fill in the blanks and give my descriptions a bit more life and personality IMO, ‘cause I mean

there’s little things about people’s appearances that are pretty personal, little quirks or habits they have, etc, that I wouldn’t think of in writing, whereas in art they just crop up naturally

and also sometimes I’ll write a description of a character or have an image of them in my head and I’ll be like Yeah This Is Them but then when I draw them my hands will just make their own decisions

and whatever the hands create is Law and Official Canon as far as I’m concerned, I will always trust the hands over my initial plans when it comes to characters, and they have not failed me so far

and now that I’ve gone on a whole spiel about how (outside of helping me pin down character details) creating art isn’t generally something that inspires a lot of story development or daydreams, it’s time for me to completely contradict that because, like I said earlier: Undertow

this is a WIP that came into existence purely from art inspiration! basically I came up with Aster’s design on the fly because someone was like “it’s genderqueer pride day” and I was like Oh Sick Time To Make A New Genderqueer OC

most of the characters in Undertow were drawn and designed long before I had any clue who they were or what their deal was. the entire premise of Aster as a character was born within like two hours from one silly doodle. then I was like “BUT WHAT IF SHE HAD FRIENDS” so I drew some friends, who ended up being Kit and Meg. n their relationships with each other and the kind of story in which they find themselves all just kind of spiralled out from a series of silly doodles and took on a life of their own :P

I think it’s a different scenario since Undertow exists purely as a vessel for shenanigans and self-indulgent nonsense, so I was feeling a lot less pressure to be grounded and serious, I could just throw things around like “amnesiac clairvoyant delivery driver with an illegal magic crime truck” and “necromancer who doesn’t believe in magic who wants to reanimate a t-rex to honour his dead wife” to see what stuck and I had no need to be like “hm, but is that Realistic, though?”

unrestrained summer fun!

it’s easier for me to let myself daydream in relation to art when there’s none of this pressure, which I think is what separates Undertow from my other projects c:

plus Undertow is the one WIP of mine that I’ve always pictured in a kind of episodic comic format, though I lack the skill set or the patience to pull this off hahaha

as such, most of my development for it comes in the form of messing around with the artistic side of things!! as it should be, I think

anyway that’s enough from me I think, thanks for reading, have a fantastic day, hope you see some cool birds (if you do please tell me about them)

[thatmiddle]

Top 10 Albums that Shaped my Existence

How do I put this lightly, I believe listening to music matters as much as breathing. I know that is hyperbolic, but I don’t care. It can fuel your soul in a similar way that air fuels your body to move. It brings to life moments, places, and people. That’s probably why if you listen closely music is everywhere. It’s in the steel drums at Union subway station or the clarinet player at Yonge and Dundas Square. It’s is found from a broken guitar with unclipped strings in Kensington Market to a radio blasting out of an open window. It’s heard from the lake on a cool breezy summer night. It’s made by the leaves in the trees and the creatures roaming its branches. Music is inescapable.

Music is also a lot cheaper than therapy and for most, it is incredibly accessible. In saying that I do not mean to conflate therapy to music, but I do think there is a healing power to songs. This form of artistic expression has been with me during my brightest minutes and my darkest hours. I have relied on it like Aladdin did his magic carpet; it lift me up and took me to places I never thought I’d ever go. All I have to do was turn it on, tune in and drop out, as some would say.

During this pandemic I have leaned heavily into music, it is the perfect socially distanced escape. During this time that I have also gone back to old albums and reflected on how they influenced me and shape who I am today.

In Rainbows - Radiohead

If I had owned this album in an analogue form I would have destroyed it by overplaying it in my Discman. Radiohead is a wonderful band that have made wonderful albums but for some reason, this is the particular one I return to. To me, In Rainbows is the music I heard when I realized that I wanted to take my life in a different more creative direction than that of my peers. In Rainbows is the album I heard on carpool rides to Shakespeare Camp as a young girl. In Rainbows is what played in my head the first time I walked into Kensington Market as a young naive suburban girl. The music is so diverse with its sound but creates a distinctly modern tone. I find the music runs like a stream and cascades into fountains of sound I never expected. All the songs are beautiful but my favourite from the album has always been House of Cards.

Brothers - The Black Keys

If In Rainbows was an early marker of my youth, Brothers by The Black Keys established my teenage self and heavily moulded how I carried myself into my early twenties. With the raunchy guitar, hard drums and vocals somewhere between garage rock and blues, this album stimulated every part of my life. It is one of those albums that upon listening to the first fifteen seconds of the opening track Everlasting Light, I am immediately taken back to driving around in Toronto suburbs and getting into trouble. This album started my ongoing obsession with The Black Keys. Fun fact I named my first Tumblr blog off of a misreading a song lyric in the track The Only One, which also happens to be one of my favourite tracks on the album. I’ve tried to see The Black Keys live twice and both times I was unable to attend the concert. One day I will see them.

Revolver - The Beatles

There are a lot of Beatles albums I love and I wouldn’t say this is my favourite of theirs, but it is I would argue its one of their more underrated albums. From what I have gathered about Beatles fans (having been one since I was six years old), this choice isn’t mutually exclusive. It does however seem that established fans love either Rubber Soul or Revolver. For me, I choose the latter. This album is very experimental for the band as they were still coming out of their admired boy band era. I came to this album as a young girl whenever I played with my toys in the living room of my childhood home. I always heard a Beatles album playing in the background and when Revolver came on I was elated. My toys went on new adventures, met new people and told new stories. The Beatles have always brought out the creativity in me and I’m very grateful for that. Check out the song I’m Only Sleeping, it’s so meditative and my most replayed track.

Man on the Moon: The End of Day - Kid Cudi

I wasn’t in a good place when I was fortunate enough to be introduced to this album as being a teenager can be an incredibly difficult experience. Yet upon hearing this album I was pleasantly surprised, I never expected to find that catharsis in a young American rapper named Kid Cudi. I always liked some rap and hip-hip songs (don’t ever get me started on the importance of Sean Paul), but foolishly enough I never gave a full album or artist the chance. Man on the Moon found me at the right moment. This album’s production is so complex and crosses genres in ways I never expected; it leaves me wanting more every time. Kid Cudi hip-hop is different, Kid Cudi hip-hop goes deep and feels it. While Day ‘N’ Nite is one of the most recognizable songs on the album don’t sleep on Heart of a Lion, it’s beautiful.

For Emma, Forever Ago - Bon Iver

Like many teens in the mid-2000s, I made a Tumblr account. It was a great place filled with hormone-induced rage posts, images of skinny girls ripped from the website We Heart It, and boundless creativity. As a previous webpage creator hailing from the Geocities days, site creation was not new to me. I took up a URL and got to work. During this time I leaned deeper into the ‘indie girl’ aesthetic, which is where I found Bon Iver. Bon Iver’s music is soft and melodic and his guitar strums could whisk you away on a cloud. For Emma, Forever Ago was the soundtrack to the version of me who longed for combat boots, a-line skirts from American Apparel, and a cute hipster boyfriend to take me away from all my problems. I never got everything I wanted, but I was always able to sit in deep thought and listen to this album and for that, I’m incredibly grateful. The Wolves (Act I and II) is one of my favourite tracks off the album, I love the crescendo towards the end of the song it makes me want to release any bad feelings I have through some strong movement.

Is this it - The Strokes

I don’t remember when I first heard this album, I just know it was an unofficial anthem to my early twenties. Was it playing at that frat party? Or maybe it was at the live show in that bar one time. Is This It is the perfect album for starting out in a new place with dreams and about $20 to your name. This album is made for people entering young adulthood making mistakes and living for the moment. Garage rock is such an underrated genre, but perhaps that’s the suburban girl in me speaking. I want to dance every time I hear a track of this perfectly crafted experience. I hear those guitar riffs and I am taken back to running through Toronto at midnight with friends. Is This It is unapologetic and an outstanding debut album for The Strokes and cemented their status as indie rock legends, I don’t care what anyone says. There are a lot of amazing songs to recommend but I will try and spice things up. Last Nite and the title track Is This It are obvious choices but the bop you need to listen to is Someday.

Wish you were here - Pink Floyd

Everyone has to listen to Pink Floyd in university otherwise they never went…right? Pink Floyd always felt like a right of passage that I would eventually reach although I did cheat and wear a Dark Side of The Moon cropped t-shirt I got from HMV in high school just to seem cool. It wasn’t until first-year university I fell in love with the song Wish You Were Here. I’m sure I was just feeling nostalgic after moving out of my suburban bubble and into the big city for the first time. Nevertheless, after annoying my new roommates by listening to that song on repeat in my bedroom I decided to give the rest of the album a shot and immediately fell in l love. It is a short ride but an emotional journey. I thought I had felt everything I needed to feel at 21, then I heard Shine On You Crazy Diamond (Pts 1-5). If you were living under a rock and haven’t heard this album I recommend it. And do check out that track.

good kid m.A.A.d city - Kendrick Lamar

Swimming Pools was everywhere in 2012, it was synonymous with the nightlife which was surprising given its lyrics. Good kid MAAD city takes the ideas explored in Swimming Pools and expands them into a full universe. As soon as I turned on the first song I felt like I had been lifted from my cold Canadian home and into the chaotic Compton of Kendrick Lamar’s universe. This concept album has such depth I feel I learnt more than I would have ever expected. I love the way the album weaves recorded scenes with various characters and the music, it creates such a vivid picture as you listen through the whole piece. I felt deep sympathy towards the struggles told on the record in ways I never thought I would. Good kid m.A.A.d city is a great ride from start to finish without ever skipping a single track, but if you had to speed up to a gem I highly recommend the track Money Trees.

channel Orange - Frank Ocean

I was originally introduced to Frank Ocean through his work with Odd Future or as I proudly scribbled everywhere, OFWGKTA. Frank Ocean was always the quiet R&B guy from the group that I never thought I would have known much about but early 2013 rolled around all that changed. An old friend of mine had pointed me in the direction of new work by the musician and I ran towards the sound immediately. Frank’s voice is mesmerizing and he mixes sounds in ways I would never expect. His lyrics are dark and deep. This album got me through a lot of mixed emotions I started to experience as I worked my way through my undergrad. Frank understood what it meant to feel and I connected deeply with that. Pink Matter was the soundtrack to my life, I listened to it on repeat doing just about every task I could imagine.

House of Balloons - The Weeknd

I remember Toronto the year that The Weeknd released his first mixtapes. He was just an enigma floating through the city, no one could pin him down. I am one hundred percent one of the people who got their hands on the YouTube videos early and saved them immediately to my accounts. I wanted more and I didn’t know why. He captured a sound that still exists here today, it was dark and full of mystery. As soon as I got my hands on the first mixtape I popped that baby into my iPod and played it so much practically the full album made it to my ‘Top 25 Playlist’ on the device. I am obsessed with The Weeknd’s voice and as someone from Etobicoke, I am even more obsessed with the fact that he’s from Scarborough. He sounds like home to me and I will never be able to let that go. When I play this album (which is at least once every year I’ll have you know), I feel sure about who I am and where I come from. It’s not an explicit attitude to being from Toronto, but rather a feeling that you can carry throughout everything you do. The Weeknd carries that on a world stage and I am proud to say he is a Toronto native. Every song on the album is amazing and I say listen to them all, but do make sure you pay special attention to Loft Music. Nothing spells nightlife in Toronto more than at least one party in a condo or loft by Lake Ontario. I was actually asked to go to a late-night loft party by a random man at a Chinese restaurant one time so I can vouch for this happening in the city. Clearly, Abel knew what he was talking about.

Music is one of the most important things in my life. It is like a fuel I use to keep my motor moving. I find it anywhere and everywhere. I rely on it so much it has been the godsend I didn’t realize I needed during a pandemic. I think I am starting to understand why movies from the 1930s were so much about escapism; drifting off into another world during a difficult time can feel like magic.

What are 10 albums that shaped who you are? Let me know in the comments.

[sortasirius]

"The Future” cleared my skin, watered my crops, and added ten years to my life.

You guys.  If you had told me six years ago when I started watching Supernatural that we were going to get to this point, I wouldn’t have believed you.  First and most importantly, I think this episode takes us out of “what if Dean and Cas were pining for each other” and places us pretty firmly in the camp of “they ARE pining for each other, but will they wake up and see it??”

Also shoutout to this writing team.  Man do we have some incredible writers (I’m lookin at you, Dabb, Perez, Yockey, Glynn,and Berens).

Now, I could tell that my boi Dean was getting a little ~angsty~ about the fact that Cas wasn’t calling him back, so I was a little surprised that Cas just kinda swags into the bunker like nothing’s happened.  And, of course, my sweet baby angel Sam is like “yay welcome back Cas!” and angst ridden married man Dean is like??????  U didn’t call me back?????????

As someone who is extremely dramatic™, I highkey relate to Dean, because even though I take three days to respond to texts, doesn’t mean anyone else is allowed to.

So, Dean does what any respectable drama queen would do, and he stomps off to his room (and we’ve all done this in hopes that the person we’re mad at will come talk to us.)

And of course, Cas does, and I really thought it was going to be a one and done kind of “I don’t want to get into emotional honesty with you, Cas so I’ll say it’s okay and then just ignore it.” But my homies Glynn and Berens are not playin around.

*John Mulaney voice* Whoa what the fuck is this?????

This is like........literally unbelievable. 

It shows us two things.  First, and most obviously, Dean made Cas a mixtape.  Now, we can unpack the importance of music and romance all day, but I think it’s especially important to Dean.  Hell, when Dean first meets Jo he starts singing the song she played on the jukebox in the car.  Music is so important to Dean, and the fact that he was share something like this with Cas?  Also just how important Zeppelin is to Dean.  We know from season 5 that his favorite song is “Ramble On,” but he probably agonized over what these tracks were.  And the fact that it’s on a cassette tape?  I don’t really feel like it needs explaining how this means he feels about Cas.

Secondly, it means that there’s tons of shit that goes on offscreen between the characters.  At some unknown point, Dean gave Cas this mixtape.  What did he say?  Surely they were alone when he gave it to him, I feel like its a little too girly for Dean to give to Cas in front of Sam.  How did Cas respond?  What was the m o m e n t like writers, tell me!!!

Bruh.  Even when Dean is pissed as hell at Cas, he’s not going to take back this gift that he gave him.  I’m weak.

Also, Cas is extremely relatable by trying to give back something that clearly means so much to Dean to get Dean to talk to him.  Who among us has not done the same???

Look at this s h o t.  They’re almost touching but they’re not but you can kinda tell they want to??  Am I watching a fanfic unfold in front of my eyes???

The emotional honesty is s t a g g e r i n g.

?????????  Long gone are the days where everyone says everything’s fine and moves on.  Gone are the days of “no chick flick moments.” These boys will be honest with each other, chick flick moments be damned!!

This is literally out of a fic.  I’m convinced I have read this in a fic.  The writers are writing in fic tropes in CANON.

I’m YELLING.  This is fanfic come to life.  You can’t convince me otherwise.

The way Cas looks down as he says it??  How close they’re standing to each other??  The way Dean writes it all off by saying he needs a beer???

Seriously though, this writing team has changed the landscape of the show, especially in regards to Dean and Cas’ relationship.  And I’m not saying that in a hyperbolic way.  This is a different show from season 8, a different show from season 11, even.  To me, it’s less about a “oooo will the writers lead everyone on with a Dean/Cas moment??” and much more about the honesty that Dean and Cas are sharing.  We’re past the whole Cas is just useful to Dean because he’s an angel, the writers are focusing on their relationship because it’s important, and I think that’s the beautiful thing that comes out of hiring queer/queer positive writers and letting them tell their stories.  I feel like, since Dabb took over and could bring his team of writers on, moments like this feel so organic and natural.  This doesn’t feel forced, it doesn’t feel like fanservice.  It feels like Dean and Cas, like a tiny little glimpse into their lives, how they relate and talk to each other.

The mixtape scene (as it shall be known here) is quiet, simply shot, and beautifully written.  It shows the honesty of two people who care more deeply about each other than almost anyone else, and the fumbling, awkward way they try to navigate these feelings.

I love this scene, it may be my favorite in the entire show.

[thecloserkin]

fic rec: Where the Heart Is by Alixtii

fandom: Folgers “Home For the Holidays” Commercial

pairing: Folgercest

word count: 19k

Is it canon: Yes

Is it explicit: Is it ever

Is it endgame: Yes!!

Is it shippable: Yesssss

First off if there’s anyone who has not yet read the epic GQ Folgercest Fandom 10-year-retrospective which i still can’t believe was written by a bona fide journalist, RUN DO NOT WALK over there and do it now. I find it hard to believe there’s anyone with an internet connection who hasn’t seen it?? It’s fucking ubiquitous, there’s a finance & economics blog I follow that linked it lol.

There’s so many Folgercest stories where the tension builds & builds and I respect this one for being like NOPE here’s an explicit sex scene in the first chapter, merry christmas to MEEEEE. I thought the sex was dope but I also think it serves the important function of getting the “longing” & “pining” components out of the way so we can take seriously that the whole “go on the run & get fake married” proposition is a big ask. Luke asks Lexie to come away to Africa with him, and it takes her the seven days of Christmas + New Year’s to say “yes” (with Auld Lang Syne playing in the background)—ngl I may have emitted an actual squeeing noise when she said yes.

The setup for the New Year’s Kiss occurs as soon as Luke arrives home from Africa:

”it’ll be our first New Years after turning 21. We rented a limo and everything. Jane and her boyfriend just broke up a couple of weeks ago, though, so we have an extra ticket if you want to come."

This is pretty nearly “I accidentally-on-purpose brought my brother as a date” territory—it’s not the Most Formal of Formal Events like a wedding but it still puts her brother in a role her romantic partner would normally occupy, and we can expect either (1) lots of “is he single??” female interest or (2) fake relationship!!! Spoiler alert there wasn’t enough fake relationship to satisfy my trope-loving ass but when he let his teleconferencing coworkers assume the hot girl who wandered into camera range was his girlfriend that made me a happything.

It’s a very absorbing story with gobs of Catholic guilt thrown in but the thing that shook me most about this fic is probably that the alternative to “another round of morning sex” is “let’s build a snowman.” Like!!!! Could anything have been better calculated to push all my buttons.

Luke didn't expect to return to find her still a virgin--hell, he's not even sure she was a virgin when he left. Still, he can't help wonder how many times she's done this, with how many boys, and feels an incredible irrational, hypocritical resentment against them for defiling his sister.

This, THIS right here is what I came for. She’s still his baby sister and he can’t turn off a lifetime’s worth of protective instincts even if he’s the one defiling her now. It crops up again with his discomfort at her holding a beer he’s like is she even old enough to drink??? Lmao.

Btw I have zero complaints about the quantity of sneaking-around that occurs in this fic: They make out in their mom’s kitchen when Mom herself could pull into the driveway at any minute!! They park the car in the woods and give each other handjobs!!! Incredible. “What are we, teenagers again?” Luke wonders, and the entire point is they’re not, even if the woods are crawling with teenagers they are adults, and they’re making up for lost time. Luke made a conscious decision five years ago to leave rather than initiate a relationship with Lexie:

”I needed to get away so I could find myself. But, yeah, one of the things I needed to get away was that I couldn’t help spending every moment thinking about how much I wanted to fuck my sixteen-year old sister.”

Lexie studies him, curious. “And did that work?”

Luke shrugs. “Did I stop thinking about it? No. But at least it kept me from doing something I would regret.”

Lexie nods, thoughtful. “I’m not sixteen anymore, you know.”

“You’re still my sister,” he points out.

Oof. It’s a very different dynamic when you try to navigate these shoals as adults, instead of the scenario where you move seamlessly from platonic forehead-kisses to tongue-kisses. I appreciate Luke for attempting to do the whole courtship dance, take her out to the skating rink and the fancy French restaurant and meanwhile Lexie just wants to cuddle.

He said, “You never opened your present yesterday.” She smiles at him, a lascivious grin. “I really think I did.”

Damn but this callback to the iconic “You’re my present this year” line is unalloyed genius.

I did not expect this OC their cousin Gwen to play such a big role. She’s crushing on Luke and she ain’t subtle about it and since Luke can hardly tell his cousin “I’m not interested because I’m already fucking my sister,” the whole situation makes for comedic gold. At one point Lexie makes a quip about her and Gwen having similar taste in men and I was DYING:

“Oh, she was hitting on you hard,” agrees Lexie, “Not that I can blame her. She doesn’t know you’re already taken.” Luke puts his head in his hands. “God, this family is so fucked up.” “It could be worse,” points out Lexie. “It could have been Aunt Mary.”

That Lexie has got quite a mouth on her. The point of Gwen isn’t that Lexie feels threatened by her interest in Luke; it’s that Gwen may be a vexatious person who inserts herself where she is not wanted but she’s still family, and Luke and Lexie choose to take her wasted ass home with them rather than allow Gwen’s mother to witness her inebriated condition. Because you stick by your family. Even if it cuts into your limited one-on-one time with bae because now you have third wheel Gwen.

Side note I love that Luke is a huge nerd who’s lugged a whole roster of interesting books back from Africa, I realize this is a Folgercest fic and not a book blog but I swear my TBR just grows of its own volition. The payoff for all this geeking out on Luke’s part is, he gets a concussion and has a pretty surreal dream featuring some real, some fictional characters, and a good dollop of his own id. Later on, Lexie and Luke are quoting poetry at each other and when he casually dropped a line from’Tis Pity She’s a Whore I was legit s c r e a m i n g. For those of you who aren’t familiar with it, Tis Pity She’s a Whore is a Jacobean revenge tragedy prominently featuring a pair of incestuous siblings and while the genre is incompatible with happy endings, the incest is not presented at all unsympathetically. It’s worth reading even if you’re not into incest, it’s that wild of a ride.

All right folks this is how we go out with a bang:

The last five years--the last twenty-eight years, really--may have been long and difficult as he was forced to lose and find himself, but he knows they were all worth it, because they culminate in this moment. This is who he is: brother, lover, and companion, until death do them part.

they’re SOULMATES i can now die happy

[atmilliways]

M, A for Stuck on the Outside Failing to Look In (Just Like in Real Life), K, E for that one fic your wrote on LJ where Toki and Skwis both wind up in the hospital after hooking up too much because *I* want it, C, H, A again for All is Calm, All is Dark, R, L, E for Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner, S, N, N again, A again for A Murder of Two, T, H, A again DEALER'S CHOICE, N a third time, K, I, and two S's.

“Make Charles n Nathan kiss.” 

Have done, can do, will do! And kudos for making me go back to LiveJournal for a fic I hadn’t even planed on moving over to Ao3 because I was worried it was too dramatic. 

(Fanfic Ask Meme) 

M: Got any premises on the back burner that you’d care to share?

Hm, what have I not already blabbed about… Oh, you’ll like this. I’ve semi started working on a preklok fic where Nathan and Skwisgaar share an apartment and it’s an absolute sty, so Nathan gets some homeless kid to clean it in exchange for food and use of their shower. Enter Toki. Cue eventual threesome. 

Eventually once Magnus is kicked out of the band they’re going to conspire to “hold auditions” for the rhythm guitar part but have Toki show up late and blow everyone else out of the water while they pretend to be surprised.

A: How did you come up with the title to Stuck on the Outside Failing to Look In (Just Like in Real Life)?

A lot of the Skwistok I write tends to feature both of them being idiots who aren’t good at communication. Like in that fixed you wanted me to pull a slide your house where they both end up in the hospital for stupidity related. Stuck on the Outside is the most reflective of that, title-wise. 

K: What’s the angstiest idea you’ve ever come up with?

In terms of drawn out angst? Take Me To Church. Nine chapters plus a prologue and epilogue of Charles scrambling to figure out what is even happening, and the learning curve is not kind to him. 

E: If you wrote a sequel to that one fic your wrote on LJ where Toki and Skwis both wind up in the hospital after hooking up too much because I want it, what would it be about? 

After they’re both released from the hospital, they continue to Not Talk About It until cornered by the rest of the band. When asked why they were gone for so long Skwisgaar has an aneurism-like idea and just blurts out “Guitars!!” So they haphazardly cobble together an excuse about how they’ve been doing a lot of “extra practice sessions” to get Toki up to speed on some of his trickier parts.

Basically, they hash out an agreement for their “extra practice session” relationship with Nathan, Pickles, and Murderface not only listening, but chiming in with helpful shit like “Yeah Skwisgaar you make sure he gets all the extra practice he needs!!” 

C: What character do you identify with the most?

Nathan. I guess because he’s kind of the most “omfg can we just get shit done” of the group while also being such a perfectionist to the point of “nope, not good enough, start all over again from scratch and get it right motherfucker.” I can relate to both of those things. And he strikes me as such a Taurus (stubborn as hell, bull in a china shop, etc), which I also am, so there’s that too. 

H: How would you describe your style?

I wouldn’t, because it’s hard. 

A: How did you come up with the title to All is Calm, All is Dark? 

Don’t quote me on this, I’m only the author or whatever, but I think I wrote it or titled it or something over the holidays one year as a fluff present for a friend. The title is based on a line from Silent Night, but I changed “bright” to “dark” because Charles needs a dim, quiet space to relax and recharge. 

R: Are there any writers (fanfic or otherwise) you consider an influence?

Douglas Adams, Terry Pratchett, Neil Gaiman, Robin McKinley, and… a lot more. I’m basically a sponge. In high school, while we were reading Grapes of Wrath in lit class, I wrote a story in my creative writing class that was kind of fantasy, kind of magical realism, but depressingly paced like that one chapter where the fucking turtle crosses the fucking road, thank you John fucking Steinbeck. 

Also a million billion fanfic writers across five or six different fandoms. 

L: What’s the weirdest AU you’ve ever come up with?

Personally, I consider coming up with a headcanon for a Metalocalypse Fraiser AU pretty weird on the grounds that it’s obscure, and I’m still amazed that enough people both knew what I was talking about and felt moved to make “oh my god you did it” comments. 

E: If you wrote a sequel to Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner, what would it be about? 

Hm. Well, because I originally intended for it to be a Nathan/Charles story and it just sort of, uh, veered off on a different course there… So the sequel would probably be something like Nathan, Skwisgaar, and Toki still casually hooking up occasionally, but outside of those threesomes it’s basically just Skwistok. After a while of this, Skwisgaar starts teasing Nathan that Charles has a crush on him, and then Toki joins in, and then they start asking Charles “subtle” questions to try and suss out if it’s true, and it is. Meanwhile, Nathan’s still going through his “huh, I guess I’m bi then, okay… huh” thing and convinced that this crush rumor is bullshit. 

Eventually the conspiring Scandinavians get those two crazy kids together, and make Charles a badly spelled Welcome To Our Threesome banner that absolutely does not leave the room intact. 

S: Any fandom tropes you can’t resist?

I love doing missing scene/behind the scenes stuff. Like, you know, basically all of Take Me To Church. It’s such a challenge to on one hand know in my heart that Charles and Nathan are meant to be, but on the other not actually deviate from any established canon. 

N: Is there a fic you wish someone else would write (or finish) for you?

Yeah, somebody write that sequel I described for Nobody Puts Baby In A Corner. You have my blessing. Title it, I Carried A Watermelon Named Nathan. 

N: Is there a fic you wish someone else would write (or finish) for you?

Someone write B.A.N.D.M.A.T.E.S for me. I mean, I’m gonna, but I have stuff going on at the moment and I want to read it now. 

A: How did you come up with the title to A Murder of Two?

A murder is a group of crows. There’s a Counting Crows song called A Murder of One, which is also where I got the idea for my murderofonerose screen name. (Rose is my middle name and it was back when I was still being dramatic about being single.) 

So considering the rest of the band was killed by black birds, crows seemed fitting. And the whole “he’ll always have Charles” thing. They’ll stick together, their own little murder of two. 

T: Any fandom tropes you can’t stand?

Rapefic. I’ll just casually refrain from reading that, nbd. 

H: How would you describe your style?

Okay, whatever, I’ll do it, fine. 

Very character driven. Always has been, even before I discovered fanfiction, because creating and/or developing characters is my favorite part. Buuuut it means I’m sometimes lacking in setting and plot… It’s a constant struggle. I’ve also always had kind of a thing for unreliable narrators — or not unreliable exactly, it’s not like they’re intentionally lying to do, but just you get most things filtered through their personal biases. That’s why I want Take Me To Church to have a companion story from Nathan’s point of view, so I can beat y’all with the dead horse that is everything that has flown over Charles’ head due to low emotional intelligence. 

A: How did you come up with the title to DEALER’S CHOICE?

I know this is payback, but is anyone else starting to think that Dealer’s Choice would make a great fic title? And then the answer to this question would be, “Well this one time I was being an absolute madwoman/maniac and spammed a couple people’s inbox with lettered ask memes that doubled as a secret message because I’m a smartass. Blame my family for being awful at actual conversations and emotional support but superb at puns and one-liners. Anyway, one thing lead to another and they got me back, but I continued to be a smartass and used this as a title so I could continue to tell this story about singlehandedly revolutionizing the ask meme industry.“ 

N: Is there a fic you wish someone else would write (or finish) for you?

Yeah, there is, a sequel to Stay Alive. *mic drop* 

K: What’s the angstiest idea you’ve ever come up with?

In terms of “oh, that’s… not good…” feels? I think it’s He Came Back (Wrong). Nathan definitely has feelings for Charles, confused and complicated as they are, but if he’s not quite the same person anymore then how is anything ever going to get resolved? 

I: Do you have a guilty pleasure in fic (reading or writing)?

Mainlining ridiculously long fics from start to finish, but they have to be complete and they have to really grab me. I have done this a few times since college and it’s simultaneously always worth it and always a Bad Idea. 

S: Any fandom tropes you can’t resist?

Confessions of Feelings while drunk and/or high. 

S: Any fandom tropes you can’t resist?

Fuck or Die. I mean, constructing the situation alone is impressive, because how often does that sort of thing even crop up.

[ryouverua]

Chapter 5 Investigation (2)

Are you telling me Shuichi is not the picture of silence and grace?

LEAVE ME ALONE YOU CREEPY BEAR

1 is here

 I.... I spent so much time moving slowly, with my heart just beating strongly against my chest - AND I’M NOT EVEN THE ONE THAT WAS IN DIRECT DANGER I DID THAT ALL FOR NOTHING

Is it bad that I’m enjoying Shuichi getting progressively more flustered and angry as we go on?

it’s a guilty conscience - all those forbidden trysts are weighing on him -

I KNEW IT!!! I KNEW IT!!! KOKICHI WAS GUARDING YOU WASN’T HE!!!

Yeah, so he makes an interesting comment about making things a level playing field. Why? And it seems... a bit vague... like, is the other person that knows this information the culprit, or the mastermind?

“You’re just attacking all of my flaws today, aren’t you.”

shuichi torrents old books and crime dramas pass it on

Now onto Maki’s lab, where to no one’s surprise we find the black bags with the crossbows one short. Could it possibly be the one from the bathroom? MAN I’m glad it’s Shuichi here so we’re not stuck wondering where the other could possibly be like we have video game-convenient amnesia

And we’ve confirmed Himiko was seen bringing a black bag...

Ah, man, I’m beginning to wonder if both Himiko and Maki were roped into Kaito’s plan. Had Kaito really not fully gotten over his personal issues with Shuichi? Was he still a bit uncomfortable, or did he not want Shuichi to feel responsible if something went wrong?

Are you putting together the same pieces I am, Shuichi? We had an awfully convenient scene with Kaito and Maki here a few nights ago!

How many trips do you think it took Kaito to carry all those weapons to the gym. 8′D That’s what, two flights of stairs between the lab and the gym? Damn boy, guess your muscles haven’t atrophied after all!

Shuichi how in the world did you notice that discrepancy in liquid! It’s minuscule!

This... sounds like the perfect poison to tip a certain weapon’s arrows with. 8/

With that said, what was the poison bottle in the bathroom for, then? A red herring? But it was empty, right?

Wait... wait wait wait - are those puns? For like, arsenic, hemlock and nightshade? 

*one google later*

OH STRIKE-9 IS STRYCHNINE! omg that’s actually really good 8′D Bless you translators, you’ve done good work here.

So basically there’s one, maybe two poisons in play, and possibly antidotes in case something went awry? So... where’s the Strike-9 antidote? Or is there one?

I do like Shuichi making some of the connections for us, like him making the (most likely correct) assumption that for every poison we have, there should be an antidote. I feel like I haven’t shown my appreciation for his evidence and mystery-solving side recently - I will say this again, once, twice, twenty times, but when it comes to the technical bits of the mystery, he is fantastic. Motive and emotionally? Not so great at it - but I think that’s because that involves a lot more abstract thinking. This is where he really shines.

So this is where we differ - he’s talking about how all the evidence points to Kaito being dead, and Kokichi being alive. I think that’s true on a surface level, but there’s a few key places that I may be ahead of him on that lead to a split in our thinking.

Which brings me to this - I’m surprised he hasn’t made the connection about Kokichi not being the mastermind like I have - but I think that’s because I have an outsider’s perspective. Once that basic premise flips, things are going to get a whole lot more ambiguous!

MY BOY!!! MY DEAR!!! MY SWEETCHEEKS!!!

.... D... Did I miss something???

You mean like EVERYTHING that was on the floor??

I mean, unless he can activate the hatch of the red exisal with the remote? Maybe? He’s proven really good at hiding around the campus though, so who knows. 8′D maybe he’s in the exisal wash clinging to one of those giant brushes lmao

But if he was... then we’d have to account for Kaito.

Unless they were both dead under there.

....

don’t you fucking do it DR.

I... sort of... understand Shuichi’s feelings, only because he clearly cared for Kaito so much...

but on the other hand, what a cruel way for Tsumugi to put it. Not, “do you think Kaito is still alive,” but “do you think Kokichi died,” do you prefer it that way - the connotations are completely different.

T.... Tsumugi... it may be best to stop talking now....

I’m starting to wonder if she can act so calmly because he isn’t dead, and she knows it - but I’ll save those thoughts for the end.

Kaito’s body is (probably) still warm Himiko, are you about to jump ship to Saiibo already??? 

OH HOLY SHIT

(BUTT NAKED?!)

What a brave, brave soul.

Y-Yes but, um, er, what would you have done if it... hadn’t... been a clue...???

Man, Shuichi’s first solo investigation since Chapter 1 when he discovered the mastermind’s door...

Actually, that might not be true. K1-b0 and Tsumugi have both been helping in small ways - well, K1-b0 much more than Tsumugi - so perhaps I can at least designate K1-b0 as his minor assistant in this chapter?

OW -

OW?!?!

Those are definitely the marks of a kid attacked by a crossbow!

So if they were both hit, then... was there a struggle? Kaito shot him, Kokichi managed to shoot him back? But if he was shot with two, and there was poison involved... would that be enough for Kaito to overcome him, illness and all?

Dear lord Shuichi I know you want Kaito to be alive but don’t act so happy about Kokichi being dead!

“MY NEW PARTNER!! AIBOU!!!”

LMAO K1-B0 WEREN’T YOU THE ONE THAT PULLED IT OUT IN THE FIRST PLACE

Yeah, now that’s the point I’m stuck on - though I do have a few ideas, one of them involving him being too weak to show himself at this point. 8(

Oh Shuichi, you’ll get there soon. I feel like that’s going to be one of the first illusions we need to dispel going in.

K1-b0 what in the world do you think Shuichi’s going to do in here?

In painful, awkward silence.

AND OH SHIT, THAT’S IT! IT’S GO TIME, BABY!

And whoever it is.... is going to have a lot of explaining to do. I mean seriously, that’s the thing I’ve been wondering - a lot of the issues have been dependent on not knowing who is dead. How can they maintain that mystery during the trial? Monokuma isn’t going to break his own rule for this - attendance is mandatory!

WHELP -

If.... If this is going where I think this is going... 

Man, I know you and Shuichi weren’t as close as you and Kaito, but would you be willing to throw him away so easily? I guess it’s easier when you know there’s nothing left outside of this place, but...

With a murderous aura rolling off of her in waves, glowing blood-red eyes glittering under thick, dark bangs and venom lacing every word out of her mouth: “Don’t you see Shuichi? I am hope, personified.”

“U-Uh, um -”

“H O P E , P E R S O N I F I E D !”

YIKES...

“Collateral damage falls under the same big ‘hope’ umbrella tbh.”

Who knew that Kaito would be the one acting as a sober second thought. Kaitoooooo we need yooooou D:

SERIOUSLY WHY ARE YOU SO NERVOUS??? HOW MUCH DID YOU KNOW ABOUT KAITO’S PLANS WITH THE CROSSBOW???

Oh Tsumugi, you always know just what to say. 8′/

You are literally the only one with a peppy attitude right now, K1-b0! I guess robots really can’t read the mood

“Well, I mean, they may have, but the word ‘hope’ kept cropping up so I blocked it all out.”

Which means what, exactly? The world will still be reduced to ashes. There’s just a handful of you left. What is the point of victory now? 

Now that’s an interesting thought. Hope as a burden...

.... Aaaaw. Fair, but aaaw. :(

SMASHES that fourth wall like it’s no big thing

OMG they’re.... really not here?!?! Kokichi.... or Kaito???

YOU WERE THE ONE WHO SAID EVERYONE HAD TO SHOW UP!!!

“Look, only I’m allowed to make grandiose speeches about despair and hope, okay? ONLY ME!!”

To think that after the last chapter’s events, Shuichi would be relying so strongly on his gut feeling, despite the evidence he collected pointing him in the opposite direction...

THEY’RE PURPLE? W... We’re really going in without knowing then?!

Alright, notes time!

Oh man, which section do I begin with. Important facts of the case? The basics? We don’t even have an established victim, so...

Alright, location. Top left of the sheet, just to start things off, I wrote down the three important areas: the exisal bay, the bathroom (and window), and the open area in the hallway. There were supplies taken from the two different labs, but the majority of the action happened in those places.

Suspects... well, ruling out Shuichi, there’s Himiko, Maki, Tsumugi, and K1-b0 - but there’s also Kokichi and Kaito, depending on who died! Man! That does throw things off quite a bit, doesn’t it?

Now for the victim... well. Okay. I divided them into two sections, each with a yes or no column.

Kaito Momota - Victim?

Yes

Shirt sleeve was visible from the press

He was sick/unwell - an easy target to kill, and on top of that -

If he died, he wouldn’t be considered a person by the press and would be crushed without a problem (aka a callback to the K1-b0 scene)

No

Shirt sleeve was conspicuous

He got confirmed help from the outside via crossbow, if not more

His illness he has nothing to lose - that could give him strength, and it could also push him to kill someone and become the blackened for the ‘greater good’. If he’s going to die anyway, why not?

Kokichi Ouma - Victim?

Yes

Can’t be found

Monokuma is back and the killing game with it

His clothes were hidden, a stark contrast to Kaito’s visible clothing in the press, and had bloodstains

The power cord was cut to hid the body’s identity, which is strange considering the shirt sleeve situation

No

He was in control of everything. How did he get overthrown?

Just like with Gonta, I’ve circled my decision... I think Kokichi may be dead after all. Shit.

Before I go on though, some more important evidence outside of the hangar include the exisals being powered down and Maki’s hammer being at the scene of where they were circling Monokuma and Himiko being spotted bringing a crossbow to Kaito. I really think this is all pointing to a rescue attempt being staged last night, without everyone’s knowledge!

Right, so to add onto the ‘Kokichi is probably the victim’ hypothesis, I need to establish that he isn’t the mastermind because a lot of the evidence hinges on that (aka Monokuma’s return and the killing game being back). Honestly, seeing the exisal formation around Monokuma really made me confident in that - it really just seemed like they were guarding him, not protecting. Actually, with that in mind, the real mastermind has a very strong reason to want him dead! They would definitely help with the escape/coup effort with that in mind!

So... if it went something like this...

Kaito hears about the escape plan from Shuichi. Fully convinced that Kokichi is the mastermind along with the others and suddenly with his own motivation to move as fast as he can because he doesn’t want the others to risk themselves against Kokichi and the exisals, he formulates his own plan. Maki visits him - he asks her to bring him a crossbow from her lab. Or... Himiko, maybe. Either way, a decision is made by either Kaito alone or Maki, if it’s through her, to have Himiko bring him the bag because Maki skulking around would immediately raise Kokichi’s suspicions.

I think the crossbow bolts were tinged with poison, though? Would that be with or without Kaito’s knowledge? I can see Maki maybe doing that without Kaito knowing - I don’t know if he would aim to kill, even if the crossbow to Kokichi’s back suggests otherwise. I’m sure his aim is pretty poor either way. Maki does seem very intent on ‘killing the mastermind’ and the fact that it’s Kokichi is almost convenient for her, honestly. Kaito certainly wouldn’t want her to kill again, but if she can do it through him she’d be able to kill Kokichi without giving Kaito a chance to stop her, as well as take on the responsibility for his death... I don’t know. I might need to workshop that. 8′D

Anyway, there was definitely a scuffle of some sort - that’s the only way they would both have wounds. Honestly, the more I think about it, the more tragic it’s all becoming - it’s really starting to seem like Kokichi was trying to stop the game in his own strange way, but couldn’t find a way to do it without building up this huge target on his back - and now, just when he’d managed to steal control of the whole thing, Kaito may have killed him while making the exact same mistake as Kaede...

Ah, right - so I think I’ve been waiting for this moment where Kaito gets pushed off the pedestal of hero, but I shouldn’t be surprised he would do it in a way where he would think he was doing the right thing before getting the rug pulled out underneath him - he would take on the role of the culprit, the embodiment of the ‘self-sacrificing hero’, and die thinking he saved everyone, or even worse, die knowing he fucked up in his attempts to be a hero for Maximum Despair. ffffff

Any last things... oh, no matter the situation with the poison, Maki was definitely involved in that. I’m sure she was the one who brought the antidote just in case Kaito got himself poisoned. I also think she was the most involved third party - I don’t think Kaito would have the strength to bring Kokichi to the press by himself, and I can see Maki tampering with all the evidence after the fact like the cord for the press and the marks on the panel outside. Maybe she did a lot of the work with one of the exisals? But in order for her to enter in the first place, she would have to have someone on the inside to open the shutter for her, and if Kaito had fought Kokichi by that point he’d be able to do it. It would explain why she’s acting so cagey right now - she’s covering for him! Though... if Monokuma is back, would she risk everyone dying to save him? Does she think he doesn’t have the power to enact the punishment if his controller is dead (even if they really aren’t?).

With that said... I still... think... Kaito is the culprit, despite Maki’s involvement. Maki seems desperate to help him survive this (pushing that Kaito’s the culprit, continuously bringing up Kokichi despite Monokuma being a functional AI), but Kaito knows there’s no time left for him, and the whole reason he took the role on of culprit in the first place was because he knew that. Is the reason he hasn’t shown up because he’s too weak to appear at this point? ooooh boy oh boy oh boy, this is... bad.... W-What are they going to do when they figure out Kokichi wasn’t the mastermind......

Anyway, man we’ll see how much is right and how much is wrong - will this be right on like my conclusion with Gonta, or tragically, hilariously wrong like my attempt at guessing Korekiyo’s motive? still better than the game’s

oh right but if Kaito is still alive this is still relevant

STOP DEATHFLAGGING KAITO 2018!!!!!

ps

that theme of every character taking at least one second distinct role/alias/persona continues - I had said Kaito was wearing both his actual role of ‘Ultimate Astronaut’ and as well as his proclaimed role as ‘Hero’, but I think ‘Culprit’ will work just fine here.... 8′(

[infinite-drabblets]

[TRANS] Hoya/Lee Howon Interview with Sports DongA (8  Feb 2018)

[DA:interview] Hoya→Lee Howon, a 27-year-old youth beginning to stand on his own 

Translation by @Yeolsprout (posted and edited with permission, please take out with proper credit)

After withdrawing from the group INFINITE last June, ‘Hoya’ is now standing on his own as Lee Howon. The first step he took was (towards) the musical ‘Sandglass’. He wasn’t able to watch the drama as he was (too) young back then, and wasn’t able to feel its popularity either. In an environment full of strange and unfamiliar things, he carried with him not fear but rather the confidence and thought/mindset that he would be able to pull it off.

He initially challenged the musical (thinking) “Let’s just give this a shot.” However, it has now become a genre he wants to (keep) try(ing). “I merely just grabbed onto the chance I stumbled upon, and that chance became (such) a surprising experience,” said Lee Howon, calling it as luck that came his way.

“After entering (the musical field), the musical world was more ardent that what I had imagined it to be. I was impressed to see all the actors intensely analysing their scripts and thinking about their characters. That’s why I think that I (was able to) enjoy the process of making this musical (with the others). I felt more at ease too as it wasn’t a stage I would be standing alone on, but one where we all stood together.”

Lee Howon played the role of ‘Jaehee’, a bodyguard protecting the female lead ‘Hyerin’. Lee Jungjae quickly became a rising star having played that same role in the drama of the same name. It was required (of him) to demonstrate various action scenes as well, including kendo. Were there no burdens in having to perform in so many different areas (just for one role). He responded that “I never watched the drama while rehearsing for this musical. Instead, I wanted to create my own (style of) ‘Jaehee’ and show something in the musical that’s different from the drama (version).”

“Perfecting kendo wasn’t too much (of a thing to be done). It’s just that my bronchial tubes are not (so) good so there were times I found it difficult when I had to moderate my breathing if I made strenuous movements. and (I/we) had to be careful since it’s kendo and one mistake from anyone could cause an injury to happen. On top of that I had to practice other scenes too, so for example for scenes involving kendo, I wasn’t able to work in sync (with the others). but even so, the (other) actors were all pro(fessionals) so I thought that (the audience) would easily be able to feel that i was in sync with them.”

How was the acting bit. ‘Jaehee’ didn’t have lots of parts in the musical. Regarding this, he said “it doesn’t matter whether i appear for 10 minutes or only 1 minute. What’s more important is that I do my best so that I’m able to deliver my character to the audience well even if it’s only for a short period of time.”

“I worked hard trying to show the worried/concerned side of (my character) for loving Hyerin. but Jaehee is (positioned) at some corner in the musical. (Laughs) but there were people who watched my acting and were able to grasp my intention. I’m thankful and relieved for that.”

As mentioned earlier, Lee Howon left INFINITE last year. He mentioned that he still has huge interest and concern for the members and fans even after his departure from the team. At the end of the interview he even said “I want to tell the fans that I love them”. When asked why he left the group, he answered seriously, saying “I wanted to get to know myself (more). (I wanted) to worry solely for myself (and) I couldn’t bring harm* to the members (while doing so).”

“I’ve only been looking at one road (in front of me) all this while ever since my trainee days. having experienced the singer life after debuting(,) I heard multiple times (people) saying that ‘you must do this (if you want to be) an idol’. I had to be careful with everything I said and/or did as the many eyes of those who love me a lot were watching. But I’m getting older too, and I’m becoming curious about everything and I wanted to give my opinion regarding that too but I wasn’t able to do so as I might bring harm* to the team. I felt that I was trapping myself. Which is why i came to that decision after giving it much thought.”

Despite worries from his current agency, Lee Howon mentioned that the reason why he’s able to confidently talk about his previous group was definitely not because there were any conflicts between him and the team members [t/n: meaning there’s no conflict between them]. He emphasised that “I was simply worried that my mentioning (of them) that act itself would bring harm* to the members, (and it’s) not because something had happened between us.”

What are the plans for Lee Howon who has successfully (begun to) stand on his own. He said, “I want to make the music I like with the people I like. It’s also my dream and goal to do a performance with that music.” He stated that he would especially want to try doing R&B, and make and let (everyone) listen to the R&B as interpreted by him.

“I tried planning for the distant future when I was younger(,) but now my dream is to set down one big goal and slowly work my way towards it. For now (my goal) is to release an album. I’ve been working on it since 2 years ago and it’s almost completed (by now). What kind of songs are included? There are many different songs but I’ve put in my emotions and feelings from when I was going through tough times into the song(s). And there are also songs catering to those fans in their 10s listening to my music. Calling it a ‘lesson (to learn)’ would be misleading(, so I’ll say that) I’ve kind of included a little ‘message’, haha.”

Lee Howon revealed that not only (does he want to do) music(,) he wants to keep doing acting as well. with the recent end of MBC (drama) ‘Two Cops’ Lee Howon mentioned that he has become much closer with actor Jo Jungseok. He said that “I learnt a lot in terms of acting from Jo Jungseok-hyung while (we were filiming) the drama. Even just watching (him) was a lesson itself.”

“Jungseok-hyung started out as a musical actor so (people) would know (who he is) just by the mention of his name. He likes being up on stage so (we) kept talking only about musical stuff. And he’s good at acting to begin with. I’d say I felt like I attended a lesson for free by being beside (him)? I’m really thankful to him.”

The thing he wants to try/challenge the most is none other than ‘theatrical acting’. Lee Howon said that “casting (calls) for dramas are slowly coming in so I think I won’t be able to attempt theatre right now. But I’d like to try it someday.”

“In particular, I want to try (theatrical) acting (in a) small theatre. (Especially since) ‘Sandglass’ and ’Two Cops’ are (productions) made by a really large number of actors and staff. Which is why I can’t imagine how it’d be like to be standing on a stage (that fits only) 3~4 actors. I’m also thinking how it’d be like to be spending a lot time absorbing [t/n: meaning memorising & familiarising] a script with lots of lines/parts (for me). And I definitely want to try (acting in) a jukebox musical comprising of music by the late Kim Kwangseok. I really like his music so it would be an honor if i could (act in such a production). 27 years old where (I) want to be at (my) peak!”

[*t/n: bring harm (in this context) = to bring negative impact in any form which may result in ‘harming’/negatively affecting others.]

Translation by @yeolsprout (edited and posted with permission)

Do not crop. Please take out with proper credits.

(Translations may not be 100% accurate; Sorry in advance if there’s any errors)

[pparkchimin]

I ’m making a tutorial for @victuuri-moonandsun on how I downloaded the YOI episodes and how to make a basic gif. I decided just to make a tutorial for everyone else who wants to learn? I’m like hella basic at making gifs so ill be providing resources in hopes it will help! 

The tutorial includes:

How to download

Capturing Method: VLC vs KMPlayer

Importing + Making the gif (Timing, Cropping, Sharpening, Saving)

Ill teach u how to go from:

to this:

+ A shit ton of screencaps to make up for the fact i’m bad at explanation. ++ what is grammar n spelling? +++ cursing a lot of it

its like legit 3 am and this tutorial is so bad good luck

You will need:

Vuze

Photoshop (I use CS6)

VLC Player or KMPlayer (I will later discuss the difference usage of these programs)

I. Downloading

Sup yo! Okay let’s start with downloading the actual episodes! I usually use torrents when i’m downloading the episodes. This is what Vuze is for. Like most things u wanna be careful when you download shit off the internet but idgaf i’ve been downloading shit off the interwebs for a while. 

So you wanna either google “yuri on ice 1080p torrent”, but im gonna use HorribleSubs for my example. You wanna make sure you download the 1080p version of the episodes so you can have the clearest/more HQ gifs.

If you’re using the horriblesubs site then you wanna click on “1080p” for whatever episode you want and right click the magnet link.

Yay! Now we gonna wanna open Vuze. First you gonna want to click the “add” folder > Add Magnet > Paste URL > Then hit okay.

Okay. So once you hit ok this should pop up:

Then hit ok again! You can also change where you wanna save it at this stage too. Okay now your file is downloading and now we wait! The more seeds the faster the download. 

Once the file is done downloading we can move on to actually capturing for gif making.  

II. Capturing:

OKay. SO I personally use the VLC capturing way because it’s easier for me. With VLC you;re basically recording the scene you want so you can import it into Photoshop. With the KMPlayer you’re taking a shit ton of sceencaps and you’re importing each image into Photoshop. I used both methods and they both get the job done. The only time i use KMPlayer is when VLC is acting wonky. Ill show the VLC method first then the KMPlayer (cringes).

Yay VLC. My fav bby right here. OKay So you’re gonna wanna open that shit up. Okay, so the first thing you wanna do when you open the program is go to view > advance controls. This gives you the option to record!

Hell yeah bro now we in business. Okay you’re gonna wanna open the episode you wanna be gif-ing. Since I showed how to download episode 12 i’m just gonna use episode 12 for this too cause fuck it man. You’re gonna wanna decide what scene you’re gonna want to make a gif of. I think for the purpose of the tutorial i’m just gonna do the scene where yurio finishes his program and creys cause hella yeha bro.

okay so for myself, i tend to start recording couple seconds (like 5-10 *my computer is really wonky ) before the actual scene because I want to make sure I record the whole scene without cutting anything out.

You also notice that the record button is red now. So you’re basically just gonna click it once and let it record until you want it to stop!

Where i began to record (actual a couple secs before becuz i forgot to screencap):

Where I ended:

***note: Notice how the record button changes while you’re recording vs not recording! (i’ve done the dumb thing where i forgot to stop recording and watched the rest of the episode .-. )

Now that short clip will be saved. my video was saved in my video file im sure you can change where you want it saved but idk how. This is where it is saved on my computer. Probably can search “vlc” on your computer if it is absolutely lost (sorry I can’t help much in finding the file).

Basically after this step you’re done deezy. You can skip the KMPlayer and go directly to the gif making portion of this shit tutorial.

OKAY FOLKS HERE’S THE KMPLAYER TUTORIAL ON HOW TO DO GIFS HAHAHAhahaha *sobbing*

I need to explain this program a bit more. So unlike VLC you’re not recording or anything like that. This captures screencaps into jpg or png files. When you do the VLC method, photoshop will make the screencaps for u. This method you’re gonna have to load the each photo (This usually takes photoshop longer to load for me, but than again my computer is old as shit so it may not matter to you).

OKay u gonna wanna open that satan spawn and open the episode u wanna do. Again here im gonna do the same scene cause yeah. Basically just go to the scene you want. 

Okay here the annoying shit happens. SO unlike VLC for me, I don’t have to a big gap of recording time. I can get closer to the actual scene and want and start capturing (ctrl+G).

When you hit ctrl+G, this window pops up and this where all the settings happen. 1. You decided where you all the pictures will be saved! 2. You can pic the image quality. I go for JPG because my computer just cant handle doing png. If you’re computer can do the png go for it. 3.) Seconds refers to how long you want the program to capture for. I just put 5 seconds to make sure i get the whole scene. You also want the images to be in the original size. 4.) I WILL DISCUSS THE TIMING THING MORE INDEPTH LATER, but for the time being i’ll do every 1 frame. 

When you click start on the small window your video has to be playing to actually capture. I just hit start and hhit play cuz fuck it.

When the program finish capturing this will pop up in the corner. *note: I ended up doing 10 seconds because my computer hates me. So there’s a lot more caps than i needed. this is what you end up with!

A shit ton of fucking photos! YOU READy TO GO TO PHOTOSHOP.

III. IMPORTING-VLC

*if you need help downloading photoshop send me an ask and ill try my best to help you. I downloaded ps cs6 a long time ago and the link i used to download it doesn't exist anymore. 

THis step is gonna be different depending on what method you used for the capturing. I’m going to begin with the VLC method. So you’re gonna wanna go to file > importing > video frame to layers.

Find the clip file and hit open. a window will open and now you can select what part of the video you want to actually gif! the two point thingies on the bottom are adjustable. FOr example maybe you recorded too much in the beginning? drag the 1st arrow thing to where you want the gif to start. Same with if you recorded to much at the tale end of the video. You can adjust the right one.

Make sure to have frame animation box is check.

And now we’re at the frames part.This is where I feel conflicted and you will see why when I get to the timing part of the video. (I use to make a lot of gifs for real action tv shows and this is the first anime I ever edited and I just feel like i haven’t found the best timing yet?). For this screencape i left the limit box and just do every frame.

So my video was too long at the end and decided to cut that unwanted shit out. (you can hit the play button just to make sure you’re happy with what you got. Hit ok when u done deezy

THEN BOOM THIS IS WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE. THAT BOOTIFUL ASS YURIO’S FACE HELL yeAH. Okay. So on the right hand side you have all your layers. but we missing the timeline bro. SO you go to window> timeline

DAMN LOOK AT YOU YOU’RE READY TO MAKE A GIF. You can skip ahead and learn about timing. Keep reading for the KMPLAYER way.

III. IMPORTING- KMPLAYER

oKAY. You’re gonna wanna go to file> scripts > load files to stacks

A window will pop up and basically you’re gonna select all the screencaps you want for the gif and hit okay.

This shit takes my compouter f o r e v e r (compared to the VLC method.) to load and even longer afterwards when it’s being uploaded as layers. This method took my computer to load the files 3 minutes compared to the 5 seconds the VLC method took me. Like i’ve mentioned before it might just be my ancient ass computer’s fault. But this it what it looks like when it’s done loading

Okay you;re gonna wanna do the same step as VLC to create the timeline (Window>timeline).

But because this was loaded in differently the the stacks will not automatically have frames. You’re gonna want to click create timeline and you will notice you have one frame only.

So on the top right corner of the timeline you will have the option to make the layers into frames.

Now you maybe noticed that the frames are fucking backwards son like wtf man. a simple fix to that! in the list of options where you made the frames from layers, you can reverse the frames.

NOW YOU’RE DONE DEEZY. WE CAN MOVE ONE.

IV. TIMING 

OKay this gets really iffy for me. I’ll just basically show you the times I use and what it may look if you capture every frame of you choose to do every 2 times (anything else isn’t recommended). In this section it’s what I use and probably not the best, but you can play around with photoshop and you can do whatever the fuck you want yo!

Anyways as you can imagine if you decide to do every frame youre gonna get a shit ton of layers(i’m gonna be working with the vlc method from this point on. any kmplayer question can be sent my way!). But it may look smoother! *will make a note on this*. Downside, the file is prob gonna be WAY bigger.

For ex: Every frame. 103 FRAMES FUCK MAN.

Every 2 frames: 53 frames

So it’s basically about half cuz u know math

OKay. so when i do gifs I usually set the time to “0.06″ but I put “0.07  for every 2 frames. To change the timing make sure you have all the frames selected (click the first frame then go to the last frame and Shift+click it). Now that all the frames are highlighted you want to hit the down arrow and click other. This is where you set the time and hit okay.

every frame @ 0.06  (No cropping/no coloring/no sharpening)

every 2 frames @ 0.07

So it’s really personal preference. I just have it so ingrained to do every frame at 0.06 since i started making gifs years ago, but i feel like the every 2 frames at 0.07 looks smoother for anime? Really guys experiment and see what you like better!

V. CROPPING

Yay lets get to cropping! These are the current dimensions for tumblr

one picture/gif: 540px width two pictures/gifs: 268px three pictures/gifs: 177px, 178px (middle), 177px spaces: 4px

-itsphotoshop

I always crop my gifs. I just think they look nicer when they’re crop.To start cropping you either wanna hit “C” on your keyboard or clip the crop tool. Afterwards you can put a value of the dimensions (i tend to do 268x165 or 268x170 when I to he gifset with 8 different gifs). Now you can drag the box over the gif to position it where exactly you want the focus to be. You either double click the box or hit enter when you wanna crop.

You might not want to have it dead center. so yeah this what it looks like if you just dragged it:

Damn yurio is looking good dead in center, but you noticed the 2nd half yurio isn’t in the middle no more. When you’re cropping you wanna keep this in mind. (you can always make two separate gif to have it all centered but i can make a dif tutorial for that).

This what it looks like if i decided to keep the cropping in the center:

Overall both scenes are more centered.

BUT WHAT IFF YOU JUST WANNA ZOOM IN ONTO YURIO’S FACE?? i got chu bro. I’m goning to delete the 2nd half of the gif for the purpose of this example. So what you’re gonan want to do is drag a side of the square until you’re happy with what you want.

Here i just dragged the bottom. Since I have my measure inplace from before, no matter what side i drag it it’s always gonna be the same ratio of 268x170 so no need to worry !

Regular crop:

Crop to zoom in on the face:

THE MORE YOU KNOW ABOUT CROPPING :D!!!

OKay. Once you’re done cropping you’re gonna want to resize that!

I’m going back to the original gif with both scenes.

To resize an image you either can hol the CTRL+ALT+i or go to image>image size

a window will pop up and youll type in what size you wanted. Because i had the dimensions typed in while i was cropping it will basically do the ratio for u

the original size was 1702x1080. Once i typed 268, the program kept the ratio and changed the height. SORRY IM NOT EXPLAINING THIS WELL I REALLY DONT KNOW HOW. 

We went from this:

to this:

it’s not a HUGE change but there is a change!

VI. Coloring *bonus

I have no authority on color tbh It takes me to forever to color shit and i’m h o r r i b l e at it. so i aint gonna discuss this much but here what coloring can do for u!

original:

to this garbage:

I don’t really like it but i just did it quickly for the sake of this tutorial. If you wanted an idea of what I did

The best way I learned to color was from PSDs others made or just fucking around in PS. Here are some resources:

PSDs:  x x x Tutorials: x x

VII: Sharpening:

Oh man okay so i use an action for my gifs but the thing is i downloaded a long ass time ago. It may be this, but im not entirely sure. This hella easy yo!

so you wanna select all the layers:

then you wanna convert the frame animation to a timeline (make sure you changed the time you want the frames to be before you convert!)

You will notice the frames changed on the bottom. Now you wanna go to filter>convert to smart layer

Now you only have one layer!

With this one magic layer you can sharpen all your goddamn layers all at once.

If you don’t have the action you can do the basic sharpening. Okay now go back to the filter tab>Sharpen>smart sharpen. I have use this option in YEARS but i believe the kinda go too was this:

and hit okay!

Before sharpening:

After sharpening:

the lines are more defined in the 2nd gif, If you were able to download the action this is how you use it. 

GO to Windows> actions.

WHere the red circle you click, and find the option for load actions. Once you load it you wanna make sure you selected the smart layer and hit th eplay button and the action should sharpen it for u

BOOM. your gif is sharpen. So lts compare all three now.

No sharpening:

Smart sharpening only:

Action (Smart sharpening + blur)

I like the action th most because it’s not as intense as the smart sharpening only. WOW U FINISH A GIF CONGRATULATIONS NOW YOU WANNA SHOW THIS BABY TO THE WHOLE WORLD RIGHT? WELL IMMA SHOW U HOW,

VIII. SAVING THAT SON OF A BTICH

So basically you either hold alt+ctrl+shift+S or file>save as for web 

and a window aPPEARS. These are the settings i use to save:

BE CAUTIOUS OF THE SIZE OF THE GIFS: I BELIEVE THE MAX SIZE IS 2MB

this gif is under 1mb so im safe yo! Some tips if gif is too large is to add a selective layer>black> then +5-10 

another tip is to use optimize tool if yOU HAVE TO: go to the top right corner

now u done deezy

u save that shit

and cry 

send me an ask if you need shit cleared up.

[litterpinkglitter]

You’re White, Don’t Say the N-Word

My stepsister Nicole just turned thirty; I hope this year she stops casually dropping the N word. I went out to dinner a couple of nights ago with Nicole and her dad, celebrating her birthday and eating delicious pasta. I was not expecting the dinner discussion to get as deep as it did. To set the scene, I was invited to dinner with her and her father who I do not know that well; what I do know is that he is an avid Trump supporter, so naturally I wore a hip tie-dye shirt with Trump’s face on it that says “impeach” over it. Her dad advised me not to wear that shirt on the Upper East Side because most people there are Trump supporters. He mansplained that Hillary did not win because she has a bad attitude and Trump was more likeable (which I found humorous). I should mention here that both Nicole and her father are privileged and white.

I voiced my opinion that someone should not be president if they go around sexually assaulting women and mentioned that he is an awful president for many reasons. Nicole justified my words by explaining to her dad in a very patronizing tone “well...she’s a feminist.” I then asked her out of curiosity if she was a feminist and she replied, “what does that even mean?” I explained that feminism means that women and men deserve equality. Nicole then said she is a feminist but added defensively that she is “not as much of a feminist” as I am. So, I guess that means that she does not believe in equality as much as I do? It is also interesting to me that she used the word “feminist” as an insult when she did not know what it meant.

We then moved onto another topic and out of nowhere, she dropped the N word (with a hard “R” I should add.) I was so taken aback by it that I mentally blocked out everything that was said around the use of that word. I immediately looked to her dad to see if he would speak up, but he said nothing and did not seem phased by it at all. I was the only one at the table who considered what just happened as an issue. Although I felt very alone and outnumbered, I told Nicole that she can’t use the N word and that it’s extremely offensive. With a lack of empathy, emotion, or basic understanding, she dismissed it with, “but my black friend gave me permission” and “I’m only saying it around you.” It just doesn’t work like that. You should not be asking anyone for permission to say something racist and then brag about getting permission...maybe recognize it as a racist word that has been used to dehumanize black people throughout history. It would be one thing if she was part of the African American community, but she is not. The N word does not belong to her at all. She doesn’t understand her own privilege. Admittedly, I certainly didn’t when I was growing up.

When I was living at home in high school I was constantly with my family and I looked up to my dad, stepmom, and Nicole. I thought that since they were adults they should be able to teach me right from wrong. I really looked to them to set an example and especially took notice of Nicole because she got the most attention from my family -

my dad always implied that he wanted me to be more like her and dress more like her. I would put on a comfortable outfit to wear to school and my dad would say something like, “you should put a different shirt on. Don’t you care about how you look? I mean, Nicole wouldn’t wear that to school because she cares. You should care too.” I grew up in a home where I was constantly compared to my stepsister. She was praised for her looks and how she presented herself while I was put down for that same reason. However, my family did motivate me to do well in school and strive for As (which I always got BTW). All throughout high school I received compliments for my grades since I was known as the more bookish and school-smart one in my family. My brains did not go unnoticed, but looks were definitely more of a priority in my household. I also got the hint that it was important to stay skinny and would often hear my dad comment, “your friend put on a lot of weight since freshman year and looks too fat.”

An even worse comment came from Nicole when we went to go get fro-yo one day; she leaned over to me and gestured to a girl in the store saying, “I don’t think fat people should wear crop tops. It’s disgusting.” I remember this brief moment from a couple of years ago because I felt my face get intensely hot and bright red as I was explaining why she shouldn’t body shame other women for wearing something they feel comfortable in (also note that these are just two tiny examples out of what seems like a million). I grew up around a family that is constantly judging, scrutinizing, and shaming everyone around them based on their looks. They did not value intelligence and never went out of their way to educate themselves on topics they did not understand. Obviously, growing up in this kind of environment really shaped me. I got so used to hearing these judgements that I thought it was natural to behave this way too and did not see why it was a problem for a long time.

It was very challenging for me to realize that I should not look to my family to set an example for me and it took a lot of hard work to unlearn all the unhealthy behaviors that had become normalized by them. I grew up in a toxic environment where I have distinct memories of my stepsister saying the N-word a lot at home. My family wouldn’t say anything about it and would even laugh because they thought she was being funny. So I grew up not knowing what the word meant or why it was not okay to say. I grew up thinking, “oh, if you say this word people will think you’re funny.” I am now a stand-up comedian, so I have always grown up wanting to get a laugh. I hate to admit it, but I have said the N-word a handful of times in my life, not even realizing what I was saying was harmful. I had said it around a couple of friends and they would laugh, so I thought it wasn’t a big deal. Eventually, I grew up and educated myself, vowing to never utter that word again. I do not hang around with the same group of people that used to validate my use of the word and only surround myself with people who also agree that the N-word should never be said by white people. I honestly look back on myself saying that word and feel so ashamed of myself, but I wish I had people in my life that did not think it was funny and encourage it. I look back on this as a learning experience and can now say I know better. I became my own parent by teaching myself what is right and wrong. I now know exactly who I am and what I believe in. That young girl who said that word is not who I am today. I made a mistake that I own up to and since then have made a promise to continue to become educated and learn about topics before I speak about them. I fully identify as a feminist, activist, and ally.

It took a lot of learning and making mistakes to get to where I am now and I am writing this in hopes that my sister realizes it is never too late to change your mindset or the language you use. After the dinner, I called my dad and stepmom to urge them to put an end to this and teach Nicole that she cannot say the N-word. They of course laughed it off and excused her behavior by describing Nicole as “daring and different.” Unlike them, I think what makes someone “daring and different” is having the courage to stand up to racism, sexism, misogyny, and injustice instead of adding to the problem or letting it go unnoticed. My dad also said that he would talk to Nicole, because swearing like that is low-class and that “she cannot attract a man with that language.” This is problematic for many reasons, but I was particularly taken aback by his belief that the N-word is in the same category as every other swear word. My problem with her has nothing to do with cursing. She can say any swear word she wants to as long as it is not one that dehumanizes people. Another issue I have with his claim that she seems “low-class” when using such words is that describing people as low-class in a derogatory way is classist. My dad, a privileged straight white cisgender man, equates low-class as being inherently bad and negative. He also stated that my sister can say the word because it is “freedom of speech” but why would someone want to use their freedom of speech to oppress others? Why should we let them?    

The last thing my dad said to me about the topic was to just “let it go” but I am here to declare that I will never “let it go.” I am writing this letter to hold myself accountable and to hold my sister accountable for our words and actions so we can make a positive change. I have heard some of my white friends say the N-word in the comfort of spaces with other white people and it happens way more often than it should. This word comes from the mouths of some of my most liberal and #woke friends that I know. They also say it in an attempt to be funny and think that since they aren’t saying it in a derogatory way that it is okay. I do not think that every person who says this word is racist and terrible and mean-spirited, but rather, that it comes from a place of ignorance. We should not assume that every person who says the N-word is intentionally being racist but perhaps, like me and Nicole, they come from an environment where they simply never learned. I have since moved out of my house and have become a more independent thinker. I have learned from my mistakes and my family’s mistakes and I will try to never make them again. I have put so much effort into unlearning all of the negative things my family has taught me. Anyone can make this change, but it all starts with educating ourselves and others about these issues. There is nothing wrong with admitting that you started from a place of ignorance and moved past it. I actually find that to be a noble trait that you can use to inspire others from a place of love, understanding, and compassion. Sorry Dad, but we will not “let it go.” You shouldn’t either.

[mel-bct]

Getting ready to wrap up filming today with the team for our final studio submission coming up later on in the month!

Such a pleasure to work with these two, we’ve really worked hard together and sticking to our original plans to make sure the work flow keeps going consistently. 

I feel like we’ve formed our team really well, we all have different roles to play. Tim and I will work together to film the footage, and we both have different strengths within premier pro so we can share the workload when it comes to editing. I’ve completed writing up the brief, creating the poster, and doing the a4 print out. Nikita and Tim will work on recording sounds for the soundscape, and editing the sounds together... then we should be ready to wrap it all up and hand in on the 14th if not the day before!

- My photography during the process of filming around Auckland

Here’s the brief I wrote up for our team: 

Final Studio Project – semester one

-        Title of film: Light within the darkness

-        Intention of film: Immersive experience of film, colour and sound that reflects the emotions caused by cyber bullying in the modern world.

          Message for our film: “Cyber bullying is a traumatizing experience for young people to go through, and you aren’t as alone as you may feel you are”.

          -PLOT- The film starts off with our main character, a teenage girl going through the life of university living with her flatmates, doing what most girls do these days – posting images of themselves on social media giving free and open access to the world of it. After she posts this image, she starts getting hurtful messages from people she doesn’t know who don’t like her photo. Over a few weeks’ time, the harassment of messages and hurtful words increase. We show how it emotionally affects the teenager through her body language and isolation. We use darker colours to set her mood, so our viewers feel as gloomy and alone as she does.

Our second character, the caring friend, starts to make an appearance by trying to communicate with our harassed teenager through text messages, but our teenager doesn’t acknowledge the help she has around her. Eventually we reach the climax of the film, where our teenager is feeling extreme depression to the point where she can’t find any way to keep enduring it. Our second character rescues our teenager from her trauma, and comforts her.

Week one:

-        Research a theme; we chose to use bullying through social media (cyberbullying).

As a group, we chose a relatable theme for our film that most people today have heard of, or have experienced themselves in some way shape or form. At this point in the brief, we researched what bullying and cyber bullying actually is in general and in New Zealand. We found that cyberbullying was the more common method of bullying today as majority of people have access to some form of technological device, and it makes it easy to attack somebody through social media and over a text message than it is to harass somebody in person. Along side this we found that victims of cyber bullying don’t reach out for the help that is available to them today. As found in our research, we found that most victims don’t share what is going on with anybody including their parents. So in our film we wanted to show how bullied victims don’t attempt to open up about what is happening to them and how they’re feeling, and what it can result in when it is chewing them up inside over time.

-        Draft our ideas we want shown in the film, and put together a story board:

We wrote down our main ideas we wanted to portray in the film. We didn’t want the film to be overly complicated and too difficult for people to relate to. We came up with the idea of using certain colours in our film, specific sound/music to trigger certain feelings, symbols, expressions and gestures to represent different emotions that people could relate to so that our message in our film could be interpreted correctly. With these thoughts in mind, we drafted our story board together. Drawing each scene frame by frame so we could film it easily, and writing exactly what is happening, with which colours, sounds and symbols we should use to show the correct emotion in each scene.

-        Draft sound ideas for the film:

We wanted the sound in our film to be just as significant as our video. Because our video has no dialogue other than text bubbles, we knew the sounds that people were hearing while watching this film were important to the overall atmosphere we are trying to create. Rather than having straight music, we wanted to create a soundscape using specific sounds and tones we recorded ourselves. The purpose for this is so that the sound focusses on giving people a certain feeling as they are watching the video, rather than stealing a cliche happy song from an artist.

We wanted to use a combination of light, warm, happy sounds for the first part of the film that slowly transitions into a more airy, dark, and cold atmosphere as the video gets more intense.

-        Blog:

Write a blog post about our initial ideas and story board in preparation for filming next week.

Week Two:

-        Filming groups of different scenes per day:

For our own peace of mind, we assigned each scene with a letter so that we could film specific ‘letters’ on different days. This was our schedule:

-        Saturday/Apartment – Film scenes A,B,C,H,I,N,O,P,L,M

-        Monday/University – Film scenes D,E,F,J,K

-        Tuesday/Apartment -  Film scenes Q,R,G,S,V,W

-        Wednesday/Train - Viaduct – Film scenes T,U,X,Y

-        Thursday/High street – Film last block of end scenes

-        Friday –  refilm anything that needs to be done / extra time for scenes.

-        Blog: Write a blog and post stills of our filming content in preparation for collaboration of audio and video next week.

Week Three:

-        Crop scenes, and piece together the video content:

Select the clips that are useable in our film and crop them to size within Premiere Pro.  

-        Record sounds and begin to piece together the soundscape:

Record our own sounds, and have a play with some that are available on youtube. Mix them together through ableton to create our soundscape.

-        Add bubble text and final effects to video in preparation for audio

Screenshot physical texts and bring them into Premiere Pro to show examples of being cyberbullied by random strangers. Adjust the colours used in the film and add effects to make the film run more smoothly with more detail.

-        Attach audio to video

Integrate the audio with the video content and make sure tones are in time and make sense with the emotions we want portrayed within the film.

-        Get ready for submission:

Make sure our film is compatible with the BCT computers and can run seamlessly over the two day showcase period.

-        Blog:

Write a blog post about the summary of our film and the process we went through to film it.