#both of them have a superiority complex that's constantly conflicting with each other and it never really gets resolved

[bixels]

Be honest, what are your thoughts on appledash? Do you hate it or its more of not a big deal

Not a big deal to me. I like it, I see all the appeals, I just personally like Rarijack more.

[sombredancer]

Let me rumble in your ask box. First of all, your Li Lun series is what made me stop from being a total ZYZ lover and THINK, and OH BOY, how wrong I was in my first assessment of the characters, so THANK YOU.

I now find Li Lun a much more compelling character than ZYZ. ZYZ suffers from both internalized inferiority complex (stemming, probably, from him being the vessel of malicious energy and blaming it on himself being a demon) and superiority complex (humans are better than demons, and everyone who disagrees is a loser). He has a borderline split personality where his inner demon ZHu Yan is in direct conflict with his humanized version, Zhao Yanzhou (the name btw is Baize Goddesses' dead brother's). The whole fallout with Li Lun is not as much because Li Lun murdered a bunch of humans, but because Li Lun represents everything that ZYZ hates about himself (being a demon, being wild, wanting freedom and lack of control, etc) and is trying to suppress.

ZYZ is very hypocritical. He pretends to be broad-minded, poised, and noble but has no problem killing a random human to prove his point or demons (like a little Pagoda demon). He is very condescending to Li Lun even though every single thing Li Lun says ZYZ is (liar, betrayer, etc) is true.

What's even more interesting, instead of trying to sort it out with the friend he had for 30k years, he spends his time trying to prevent Li Lun from establishing a connection with ZYC. Why? Because, as he said once, "I have everything and you have nothing, and you're a loser" - this is his attempt to prove Li Lun and what LL represents is the "losing" side and his own choice of becoming a human is the right one.

Now, back to Li Lun- he is wild, untamed, betrayed multiple times by ZYZ , And yet. Even though he is positioned as a villain, all it takes to bring him back to the good side is a talk with ZYZ/ZYC. Which, BY THE WAY, could've happened much earlier, and could've been handled much better. He constantly talks about wanting to kill ZYZ's friends but in the end only kills one, and only when cornered. He also inadvertently HELPS them to grow and face their worst fears.

Just imagine if ZYZ doesn't let his petty anger win and tells Li Lun that the plan is to put him back into his root and let him re-cultivate? That would prevent Ying Lei from getting killed, pull LL firmly on the good side, and potentially prevent Bai Ju from getting killed too (because now they would have 3 demons and a mountain god fighting the big bad).

Also, in the whole story, it is Li Lun who drives the changes and makes Zhuo Yichen evolve. (This is by the way why I prefer LLxZYC to LLxZYZ or ZYZxZYC). It is violent, it is painful, but in the end, it is LL who pushes ZYC out of his comfort zone, makes him confront his fear, and lose control only to regain control and autonomy, and "beat" the destiny later. And, in return, it is ZYC who, through being human and compassionate, pulls LL from the brink and shows him there's another way to deal with his emotions. They save each other, even though neither originally plans to do so.

I think, the redemption arc for LL is so convoluted because by that time he let go of ZYZ and shifted his focus on ZYC. ZYC is the character who showed him compassion and understanding. I Know ZYC said he doesn't understand LL in that alley talk- but I think he did. He was also the one who cleaned up ZYZ's mess and sorted it out with LL and the root.

I think, in the end, the two characters who experience growth and profound change are Li Lun and ZYC, and NOT ZYZ. He remains frozen/stagnant in his self-hate even though he stops being suicidal at some point. His inner conflict between the demon Zhu Yan and the humanized demon ZYZ is not resolved even in the very end.

This is also the reason why we are not allowed to see the natural progression of a situationship between ZYC and LL- because if it were given more time, we would see them drawn to each other, and ZYC realizing LL was right about ZYZ. And, of course, from the storytelling perspective, you can't let the beast steal the love of the prince away from the princess he is supposed to save.

It would also put into question the whole "destined soulmates for the win" narrative. No matter how much the show tells me that the destined ones are the true love, it shows quite the opposite- the original Baize goddess and her demon, Zhu Yan and Li Lun, ZYZ and Wen Xiao- they all were, to some extent, destined- and they all ended up in a tragedy. And they want me to believe ZYZxZYC will be any different? Even though their ending is somewhat optimistic, ZYZ did not overcome his internal strife, which would put him on a collision course with ZYC just like it put him against Li Lun decades earlier. ZYC and Li Lun are similar in that they accept themselves for what they are - and this is something ZYZ is innately against. This isn't bound to end well.

I honestly wish the show handled Li Lun's story much better. We had so many wasted opportunities- from the hilarity of the chaos LL, ZYC, and Ying Lei would've caused (just remember the episode where LL goes on a bro trip to the brothel in Bai Ju's body), to ZYZ maybe getting off his high horse and admitting his mistakes - and growing through it, to Wen Xiao realizing that just because she has hots for ZYZ doesn't mean ZYZ is blameless and always in the right, to ZYC developing even further with the push from Li Lun, to Li Lun himself dropping his disdain for humans and realizing there are bad ones on both sides. Then, maybe, his sacrifice would've been much more meaningful. Or, maybe, it wouldn't have been needed at all.

But, alas, we got what we got, and now we are reduced to writing fix-it fics )))

Welcome to the Li Lun club! After my metas, I can't ship LLxZYZ anymore, too... While I discussed the plot with my friend, we agreed that ZYZ has inner homodemonphobia, that's why he hates LL so much for no reason. As for "ZYC pushes LL towards redemption because he shows him some other way" - it doesn't work. Humiliation is not the way of showing understanding or another way out. But I agree there was a lot more potential of developing good relationship than between LL and ZYZ. And I disagree there ultimately was a single character who gets character development. ZYC began loving ZYZ almost immediately, I didn't see him overcoming his painful past (but he was the closest to the character development). LL stayed the same - he wanted ZYZ and did everything to have ZYZ by his side, his mindset stayed the same. ZYZ was stagnant, indeed. LL and Ying Lei exist in this show just to be humiliated, maybe it somehow should make us see ZYZ and ZYC in a good light, but for me it doesn't work, because I'm not interested in ZYZ's and ZYC' characters and feel narrative injustice towards LL and YL sharply.

[linkspooky]

What would you say to people who say Gojo only cares about Geto? 😭 I've seen this take go around that Gojo doesn't care or want to risk his life for anyone BUT Geto, and there's another take in Geto's case where the whole reason he defected was for Gojo. Which.. are both obviously wrong, but I was wondering about your thoughts on this?

A lot of the "Gojo only cares about Geto" takes come from a misinterpretation, or romantization of this line that Geto was "his one and only..." This line does not indicate that Gojo never cared about anyone else but Geto, in fact the story does go painstakingly out of its way to give several indications of Gojo showing the indirect way he cares about both his students and his fellow sorcerers. At the same time, I do believe that Gojo does mean that Geto is his "One and only friend..." that for various reasons as attached as he may feel to his coworkers, they'll never be friends to him because friends implies they're equals and the only person he ever saw as one is Geto.

The three years of Gojo's youth stand out to Gojo because meeting Geto was the only time he ever really experienced a normal friendship with someone on equal terms, and that was because for that brief period of time they were the strongest together. Gojo who's birth apaprently changed the balance of the world for Jujutsu Society, just happened to meet a boy with curse manipulation who didn't come from the clan system, could hold his own against him in a fight, and constantly lectured him and tried to keep him following regulations.

It's something which draws them together and also eventually drives them apart, because Gojo thinks the basis of his friendship with Geto is that Geto will just "Get it..." because since they're both the strongest he's the only one that can understand Gojo. Gojo's entire character revolves around the fact that he's always observing other people from a distance, his technique is called the infinity and it makes it so people can't touch him no matter how close they come. His assumption that because Geto is as strong as him and they so naturally connect that is enough, but that assumption is proven wrong via Geto's downfall.

Here's where I quote another meta because they put it way better than I could, but a big factor sabotaging Gojo's relationship is his own superiority complex.

gojou 100% has a god complex and thats why getous downfall hit him harder than anyone else. he saw himself and getou as above everyone else and exempt from ‘regular’ peoples flaws, he never thought either of them could be led astray and when getou finally snaps hes bewildered that something like that could ever happen to either of them. hes not just heartbroken over his best friend becoming an enemy, hes thrown for a loop because getou, the one person he thinks of as just as above everyone else and incapable of failing as he is, could ever do something wrong, could ever be wrong. hes finally put into a position where he has to face the fact that hes just as capable of screwing up as anyone else and he can��t make sense of it. gojous hesitance in killing getou isn’t just a byproduct of their friendship, it’s also him realizing that it could have easily been him on the other side of the conflict, which breaks the illusion of him being better than everyone for a second. and like that’s still not enough for him to reject this idea, personally i think that his comment about him and getou being 'the strongest’ in volume 0 is indicative of the fact that despite everything he still hasn’t grown out of this delusion

Gojo didn't really descend down to Geto's level to understand him, he just assumed that him and Geto were standing above others on top of the same pedestal which is why they so naturally clicked. Which isn't the real reason why they're friends, they're friends because well they like each other, Geto's stricter personality keeps Gojo in check, but Geto's also good at noticing that Gojo's a much more considerate person than he appears to be and sees the good in Gojo and how he indirectly tries to help people. Gojo also tries to do in return with Geto, like how he changed his entire speech pattern based on a lecture from Geto that he needed to be more respectful when addressing others. The reason they're friends isn't their power level, but Gojo thinks it is (and Geto probably did too) which is why their relatioship starts to crumble. It's actually foreshadowed in a pretty well directed scene in a first episode of the anime.

Geto and Gojo are talking about their ideologies about protecting the weak, or how Gojo doesn't believe strong people should have to limit themselves. Geto throws a basket jumping into the air to do so, he hits the rim and then falls off.

Gojo on the other hand not even looking picks up the ball with one hand, and effortlessly throws it into the net and makes the basket. Implying the fact that despite both of them being compettitors, Gojo just has the natural edge in talent. Which is what happens by the end of their third year, Gojo just gets way too far ahead of Geto to the point where he's always doing missions alone from then on.

Gojo forms a friendship with Geto because he wants to be an equal with someone else, but he never gets over the belief of his inherent superiority. This is also his foiling with Sukuna, and why we see Sukuna and Yorozu's fight right before the final fight between him and Gojo.

Sukuna and Gojo both suffer from the "Solitude that ultimate strength brings" because they only person they'd acknowledge as their equal is someone as strong as they were. Heck, even Sukuna the nastiest character in the manga has a companion in Ura Ume, who despite Ura Ume acting like a slavish devotee he doesn't really mistreat that much. When Ura Ume fails and apologizes, Sukuna tends to just let it go. The two of them even laugh together. However, despite Sukuna treating Ura Ume marginally better than he treats literally anyone else, their relationship is entirely based off of the fact that Ura Ume is Sukuna's devotee. He's just a subordinate that Sukuna seems sort of fond of, nothing more. They're both unable to let go of their own egos, and therefore don't really form relationships between equals, they form relationships as barters or transactions.

So to reiterate there's a lot of evidence that Gojo will go out of his way to take care of his colleagues and his associates. Gojo's pretty famous for his bullying of Ijichi, but there's a light novel story where he goes out of his way to take Ijichi drinking when he realizes the strength of his work is becoming too much for him.

This could all be attributed to being able to take a proper break after so long but a larger portion was due to sweeping away the “haze” within his heart and most importantly, Gojou’s concern for him had an immediate effect that was better than expected. Even though Gojou was self-centered, did whatever he wanted and had Spartan methods, he was still a teacher. As a top Jujutsu Sorcerer, Gojou was extremely reliable and Ichiji’s own hard work was acknowledged by him, and in Ichiji’s opinion, this sense of sincerely had an immense power of motivation.

Then, of course there's the recent chapters where Gojo reiterates he's asking Ijichi to do things for him because he trusts him.

At the same time I think there's a clear parallel between Ura Ume and Ijichi, Gojo's fond of Ijichi but in the end he's still a subordinate that Gojo trusts on the basis that Ijichi will do things for him. Ijichi thinks that he OWES Gojo and therefore must serve him to the best of his ability. His self esteem is incredibly low such as when he openly remarks that he expected Gojo to say that he should have died instead of Nanami, and he sees himself as inferior because he's weaker.

A lot of Gojo's relatioships work on the basis of transactions, because he is a cog in the machine of sorcery society and that's how you navigate that same society. For example he seems to get along better with Mei Mei than say Utahime, but that's not because he thinks Mei Mei is a better person, he can just pay her off and she'll do what he wants.

Gojo puts Gakuganji the guy who killed Yaga in charge after the higher ups are killed, because that's just how the machine keeps running you gotta find replacement cogs. If Yaga's gone then you just need someone capable of doing the job that Yaga did. Gojo prioritizes function above everything else in regards to personal relationships.

I'd also like to point out that despite Gojo went behind Yaga's back a bunch of time, he also had respect for his position as principal. He does stuff like let Yaga wrestle him down and lecture him in front of everyone after learning that Yuji is still alive, and Gege calls it "reading the room". He acknowledges also that Yaga's position as principal requires him making harsh decisions to compromise between protecting his students and catering to the elders. Gojo gets it, because he's a cog in that same society too.

When Gojo goes out of his way to rescue Megumi and Tsumiki from being forcibly taken in by the Zen'in Clan? Well, they have to still work for Jujutsu High otherwise he's not even going to give them money for food to eat.

Yet, Gojo's also capable of being really fond and considerate towards these same people. He clearly watches over Megumi closely and when he saw Megumi was sacrificing himself too much by summoning Mahoraga as a last resort suicide attempt, he did his best to try to fix Megumi's behavior in his own Gojo way. He watches Megumi close enough that he could notice that pattern of behavior from one tiny detail like Megumi choosing to bunt in a baseball game.

Gojo does things like pet Megumi on the head and act fondly towards him, but at the same time he's taking Megumi on missions to exorcise curses when Megumi's like... eight. Gojo will go out of his way to recruit Nanami because he realizes that Yuji needs someone to take care of his emotional needs and teach him the basics which isn't something he's good at as a sorcerer.

Which was why he decided to talk about such a topic with Nanami. “For people like us, we naturally know how to get rid of the poisons within their heart. But for youths who hold onto a lot of sentimental feelings, it’s another matter altogether. Their heart might collapse just from getting struck by poison once.” “Isn’t it an adult’s duties to rid poison from a child’s heart? As a teacher, you should know this better than me, right?” “Of course I know that’s my duty, which is why I’m talking about this with you here.”

Gojo notices that Yuta is lonely, and is the first one really to advise him to make friends with his fellow sorcerers, something Maki also repeats later in the first chapter of JJK 0 that if he works hard as a sorcerer he'll find someone who needs him and a place to belong. Gojo is also someone who threatens the higher ups if they turn against Yuta that he's going to take Yuta's side and not theirs.

Gojo is also the person who sent Yuta's friends to get beaten up by Geto, because he knew it would piss Yuta off and power him up.

Gojo constantly mocks Utahime and derides her as weak, Gojo also goes up to Utahime personally and asks her to track down the spy leaking information in the sorcerer college because he admits it's something he can't do and she's good at.

My point in highlighting all of this is that Gojo is not a good or bad person, but that his behavior is extremely contradictory. I can point out just as many occasions where he's considerate to people he's close to and tries to take care of them, as I can point out where he uses people in selfish ways to push forward his own agenda.

The central reason why being this, that Gojo's incorrect belief that being the strongest makes him alone, and there's no one who could understand him with the exception of someone on the same level of him.

When that's just not true.

[jacquelinemerritt]

Dragon Ball Z: Revenge of Cooler Abridged Review

Originally posted December 11th, 2015

Derivative plots can be more entertaining than you’d think.

This is my second review of one of Team Four Star’s abridged films (because I’m saving Christmas Tree of Might for a very special occasion), and I gotta say, I’m noticing that they might be a tad repetitive.

I mean, the plot for this film is pretty much exactly the same as the last. An evil alien comes to earth with his team of bad guys (a pretty one, a dumb tough one, and one with a weird power, all of which are defeated by Piccolo) and attempts to destroy it, only to be stopped by Goku, who pulls out a victory at the very last second with a power boost (last time it was energy from Piccolo, this time it’s Super Saiyan Kamehameha). Given that clear a formula, you’d kind of expect these films to be pretty boring.

But Team Four Star, as we know, loves defying expectations. As writers, they are keenly aware of the plot similarities shared by all the films, and while they can’t abandon those similarities, they build a very specific story onto that basic plot in order to give us a compelling experience.

To cite an example, Team Four Star draws on the similarities between Cooler’s goons and the Ginyu Force by giving them all ridiculous accents or voices. We get to meet yet another Space Aussie as well as Salza, a Space Frenchman who, like any good Frenchman, refuses to let you forget he is from France by constantly referencing the superiority of his people’s culture. And in one of the coolest moments from this film, Salza, emits energy from his arm which sounds like a lightsaber, and proceeds to attack Piccolo in a chase sequence that looks like Return of the Jedi.

This is cool not only for the nerdy crossover value, but for the fact that man who lavishes French cinema, where auteur theory originated, has an attack in a Japanese anime referencing a series of Western films developed by an auteur who drew heavily on the works of Akira Kurosawa, who is generally considered the greatest auteur in Japanese cinema.1

Cooler himself is also a damn interesting character, and General Ivan does an excellent job of imbuing him with a charismatic professionalism that makes him clearly distinct from Freeza, while still serving as a good foil for Goku. We even get treated to a reaction from Goku just after Cooler shares his entire life story during a brief dip underwater, and it gives us a solid foundation for both Freeza and Cooler’s ultimate motivations: to please their father.

Cooler’s voice transformation and subsequent The Dark Knight Rises reference are also excellent, and what’s more, the comparison to Tom Hardy’s Bane is fairly apt, as Cooler’s physical and mental fortitude is the closest to Goku’s we’ve seen yet in the series.

In addition to the strong characterizations given to the villains in this film, there’s one scene in particular that sticks out as a favorite of mine. It’s the scene where Gohan goes to Korin and Yajorobe’s house to get Senzu beans for Goku. When he arrives, we see Korin and Yajirobe fighting over kitty treats and a clogged toilet drain. This scenario, I imagine, was probably used in the original as a short delay to Gohan receiving the Senzu beans and flying away, with the bickering ultimately being pointless and adding nothing to the story.

Here though, Team Four Star takes the fight between Korin and Yajirobe and elevates it to a glimpse into the complexity of a loving relationship. The argument here isn’t about the treats or the drain, it’s about how two people who love each other can clash when forced to live in the same space for a long period of time, and even after we see them argue, we’re still shown a moment of tender conflict as Korin reminds Yajirobe that he’s not ready to have a child yet. It’s this kind of specificity that Team Four Star uses to elevate itself from the source material, and it is damn compelling to watch.

Rating: 4.5/5

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Stray Observations

1It’s so meta it hurts.

I also don’t want to neglect how Goku and Gohan’s relationship in this film feels like such a natural extension of the development it got in Season 2. Here though, we do get a little evidence that Goku, you know, actually cares about his son, since he takes a hit from Cooler to save him at the beginning (conveniently ousting him from the plot).

Fish: “Halt, stalwart stranger! If you let me go I will grant you one wish.” Goku: “I wish for you to be my dinner.”

Goku: “I am having the worst case of Dijon Mustard right now.”

Salza: “Le suck it, bitch!”

Goku: “Cooler than Freezer? You must be ice cold.” Cooler: “No, that would be my father.”

Goku: “Oh, that’s right Chi Chi. Pour that maple syrup. All over my breakfast. You beautiful lady who lives in my house.”

Piccolo: “Gohan, you know what to do!” Gohan: “Yes, sir!” *runs away* Piccolo: “I meant back me up!”

I still don’t quite understand the Toriyama bird joke. I love the callbacks made to it later of course, but if he’s alive, then why is Goku freaking out about him through the death of a bird?

Goku: “Sun, you grow my food, you kill my enemies. You’re totally worth the skin cancer.” Yet another excellent callback.

[hyungieyoongi]

See You

Pairing: Professor!Hobi x Professor!Reader

Genre: Enemies to lovers + fluff + angst + Hobi and Reader have some personality conflicts at work but should really just make out or something and stop acting like they dislike each other + this entire fic is inspired by Hobi’s look in that gum commercial I mean he screamed professor with that turtleneck and plaid blazer (thank you @moon-write​ for encouraging this vision)

Word Count: 3.2K+

---

“No, no, please tell me you’re joking,” you groaned, eyes scanning over the classroom assignment list posted on the faculty board in the hallway over again, hoping you were seeing things wrong. A third look at the paper confirmed that your fears had in fact come true – you and Hoseok were teaching next door to each other the entire fall semester.

Hoseok was the History of Dance Professor in your department. He was hired at the beginning of last year, three years into your career as one of the youngest faculty members in the Music & Arts program at your university. While he was bubbly and energetic, you were the more typical academic – down-to-earth, a little bit serious. He was beloved by his students for his positive personality and passion for teaching; you were well-regarded as being a natural talent who wanted to hone your students’ abilities.  

It wasn’t that your students didn’t like your course. No, it was well-reviewed and relatively popular considering it was an elective. But once Hoseok arrived, you felt like you were competing with the star of the program. Every student, even the ones who didn’t like dance, were lining up for his course, pushing your class and others into smaller classrooms with dwindling numbers. He, of course, got the large lecture hall this year.

He was the pain in your side, constantly flashing his bright smile to get his way in the department, dazzling your colleagues. Students would often be buzzing in the hallways about how they didn’t have to take an exam in Professor Jung’s class like they did in Professor Y/L/N’s. They got to go to a local show instead and analyze the dance performance. Hoseok was creative and intelligent – that much you could agree with – but you rolled your eyes every time you saw another one of his students attempt to flirt with him.

Hoseok and you figured out you got on each other’s nerves pretty quickly. He would always play music too loud in his office while you were grading papers – he timed how long it took you to show up at his door to tell him to turn it down every afternoon. You would make it a point to have your students play samples of their pieces they’d written on the piano while he was in the middle of a lecture, leaving your classroom doors open so the notes of the instrument would float down the hallway to the lecture hall. You’d have a satisfied grin on your face when you heard the telltale noise of the lecture hall doors slamming shut.

The entire department knew about this little game the two of you would play with each other, not to mention the sarcastic comments from you and teasing jokes from him that were on repeat any time you were in the same room. The bickering was bound to get worse with the two of you in such close quarters all semester.

“Y/N!” you heard a loud voice call down the hallway. You hadn’t heard that voice in two and a half months thanks to your summer vacation. You gritted your teeth, turning with a tight-lipped smile toward your least-favorite coworker.

“Hoseok,” you greeted with a nod. As usual, your semi-chilly behavior toward him didn’t faze him.

“Y/N, come on, I thought I told you to call me Hobi!” he said cheerfully, his eyes squinting from his smile. He was wearing a cream turtleneck tucked into his khakis, plaid blazer over his shoulders. He had dyed his hair from the black you were accustomed to, his strands now a platinum blonde. You realized, begrudgingly, that he looked more attractive than he did last year.

“Well would you look at that, we’re neighbors,” Hoseok said after scanning the list on the board.

“Try to keep the gaggle of screaming fans away from the hallway when I’m teaching, would you?” you said sarcastically. Hoseok’s hand flew to his heart, acting like you had personally attacked him.

“Y/N, I cannot believe you would accuse my students of being so frivolous,” he said dramatically. “Just because we have more fun in my class, doesn’t make it any less serious than yours.”

“Oh, please, save the theatrics for the students who signed up thinking your class would be an easy ‘A’. I know for a fact that you gave out four D’s last semester.” Hoseok’s eyes twinkled at your challenging tone.

“And how many did you give out, Professor Y/L/N?” Hoseok asked in a sweet voice.

“None, thank you very much. Since my students actually learn something in my class, I don’t have to give out such low grades,” you quipped. Hoseok chuckled, running a hand through his wavy blonde hair.

“Maybe I should sit in on one of your classes this year. Learn a thing or two,” Hoseok said, stepping toward you. You flushed momentarily at his low tone, immediately stepping back. He smirked at your reaction.

“It’s invite only to audit my class, Jung,” you said before turning on your heel to walk toward your office down the hall, “I would say I’m sorry, but I’m really not!” you yelled over your shoulder.

You heard Hoseok laugh, and you cursed yourself for giving him the satisfaction of knowing that his teasing had gotten to you.

You had promised yourself at the end of the summer not to play into it this year – you were going to be professional, courteous. But the first time you see Hoseok, bam, it goes right out the window. 

You would just have to avoid Hoseok as much as possible.

You sighed once you closed your office door behind you. It was going to be a long semester.

---

Two months into the semester, the leaves had turned to burnt oranges and red, signaling the return of fall. Hoseok was sitting in one of the auditorium seats, his legs crossed over each other, looking down at his fingers with a soft smile playing at his lips. The delicate notes of the piano were playing from your classroom, the noise piercing the thin walls separating your classroom from his.

His class had been dismissed half an hour ago, and, based on the lack of students having straggling conversations in the hallway, yours had, too. He often waited after he was done teaching to see if you would play when you thought no one was listening. The notes you played sometimes indicated your mood; the music was soft and flowing, other times dark and intense.

Today it was, melancholic? He couldn’t quite place it, but it made him think about the change in seasons. He wondered if that was on your mind. The song was fluid, making him want to choreograph a piece to it, the dancer’s body matching the tempo of the music. He shut his eyes, picturing the movements behind his closed lids.

He’d never admit that he indulged in this as often as he did – he knew you wouldn’t be playing if you found out he was your only audience member. You had been avoiding him this semester. He had tried all of his old tricks – the loud music during office hours, teasing comments during staff meetings. But you wouldn’t blink.

He opened his eyes, the song transitioning into something light and happy. It made him think of sunshine.  

---

You stopped playing, your hands lifting off the keys like they burned you. You had been playing mindlessly, your fingers starting to pluck away at the keys in the melody that you had thought of when you would think of Hoseok.

The more you avoided Hoseok, the more you seemed to miss his overly positive personality. You would see him at staff meetings, always giving you a big smile. One day you came in late after a meeting with a student ran long, and you came into the room to see that he had saved you a seat next to him, the last one left empty in the room. 

He was still playing his music too loud, but you had stopped bugging him about it, and you noticed that it was gradually getting quieter.

You closed the cover over the keys, willing the thoughts about Hoseok to go away, packing up your papers and laptop. He was just your annoyingly happy colleague; there was no reason he should be taking up this much space in your mind.

---

“Are you honestly suggesting that the music composition class shouldn’t be considered a prerequisite for all music program students going forward?” you questioned angrily. You and Hoseok were at a standoff in the department meeting, his normally pleasant features tense, arms crossed in front of him.

“If that means that it prevents funding from getting diverted from the dance program to the instrumental students, then, yes, that is what I’m suggesting,” Hoseok countered.

“That’s ridiculous! Music composition is a fundamental building block for all students – including dance, Jung!” your voice had risen, and the department head looked between you both, deciding that the meeting had gotten too out of hand to continue.

“Professor Y/L/N, Professor Jung – why don’t the two of you take a walk around the building, get some fresh air. The rest of you, dismissed. We’ll resume this conversation, civilly, next week,” the department head declared.  

You were fuming, angrily shoving your notebook and pen in your bag before storming out of the building. You felt someone else’s presence, and you turned, groaning when you saw the last person you wanted to see standing behind you, a shit-eating grin on his face.

He opened his mouth to say something, but you held up your hand to stop him.

“Give it a rest, Jung, I’m not in the mood,” you said grumpily.

“I was going to ask if you wanted to go to the bookstore to grab a coffee and put this behind us,” Hoseok scoffed, smile wiped away. “But, I guess not.”

“Not everyone wants to just roll over and play nice when you flash them a smile, Hoseok.”

“Well, not everyone wants to act like they have a superiority complex, either.”

Your lips pursed, hands beginning to fidget with how angry and upset his comment made you. The two of you had been annoying last year, sure, but you had never been mean to each other. Until today.

“You don’t know anything about me,” you said quietly, heated tone still evident despite the low volume.

“The feeling is mutual,” Hoseok said harshly. “It’s not like you’ve even tried to get to know me. You immediately disliked me from day one. You never even gave me a chance!”

“That’s rich coming from you. All that shit with the music and the comments – it’s like you wanted me to dislike you,” you replied.

“I wanted you to talk to me, Y/N,” Hoseok said, exasperated. “Forget it, I can see now that it was useless to try.”

“I was trying to play nice this semester,” you said, glaring at Hoseok. “You came in like a damn bulldozer last year, disrupting everything in the department. And everyone just did what you wanted because you’re ‘mister nice guy’, and you make people laugh and people just think you’re perfect. Well, I don’t buy it.”

You took a deep breath, leveling your gaze at him.

“Stay out of my way, and I’ll stay out of yours,” your voice was stone-cold. Hoseok’s eyes flashed, lips in a thin line before he responded bitterly.

“Perfect.”

---

Things had been quiet between you and Hoseok since your fight outside of the building a few weeks ago. You politely nodded at each other in the hallway when you passed by, avoiding eye contact. You would grimace when you heard his laugh during lectures next door to yours, wanting to block the sound out.

You couldn’t get what he said to you out of your thoughts – you really didn’t know Hoseok very well. All you knew is what he presented to the rest of the world. He was bubbly and positive and optimistic; he probably thought you were just some brooding, academic stiff.

Hoseok noticed the songs you were playing lately were rather intense. Sometimes he would hear you smash against the keys like you were angry with the piano for not producing the sounds you wanted to hear.

He knew the feeling. He was spending more time in the dance studio lately, dancing aggressively to loud hip hop music, trying to drown out the frustration he was feeling at not being able to make you crack and talk to him.

That’s where he found himself tonight, trying to get rid of his stress. You were stubborn, but you were also beautiful, intelligent, passionate, tenacious. He turned his music up louder, drowning out the thoughts of you.

---

You had re-read the same sentence four times, red pen poised in your hand ready to edit the student’s paper. The loud beats were still audible from the practice rooms. It was late, and the building had been closed to students for the past two hours.

You decided to go down there. You weren’t going to get them in trouble for staying past close, but with finals coming up, you were sure the students needed a gentle reminder that sleeping was just as important as practicing.

You walked down the dark hallway, going down the steps to the practice rooms on the floor beneath the faculty offices, finding the one with the light on, music blaring through the glass panes separating the space from the hall.

You glanced into the room, seeing Hoseok dancing. You had never seen him in his element before, and it was captivating. He was wearing a black pair of sweats, an oversized yellow t-shirt adorning his slender frame. The music seemed to be moving through his body. He was grounded in the floor, an intense expression on his face as he hit heavy movements on the beat, fluidly moving through other parts depending on the music. You felt like this was personal, like you weren’t allowed to be watching, but you couldn’t tear your eyes away from him.

Hoseok looked into the mirror, his eyes looking toward the shadow in the hallway. His eyes met yours, his gaze burning into yours through the glass. You gulped.

He turned, grabbing a bottle of water and pausing the music. You figured that was your cue, opening the door to the studio and stepping inside.

“Was it too loud?” Hoseok asked, voice light despite the obvious tension in the room.

“No, it’s okay uh – I was grading papers, and I thought a student was still down here,” you explained softly. “I thought I’d tell them to go home, get some rest.”

Hoseok had a curious expression on his face. If he was surprised to hear why you were down here, he didn’t mention it. You felt the need to fill the silence, so you spouted the first thing that came to mind.

“You’re really talented, Hobi,” you said quickly. His eyebrows shot up at the sound of the nickname you never called him. “Hoseok – sorry, I meant Hoseok.”

“Watch out, people might think we’re friends,” Hoseok joked, but it came out strained.

“Hoseok – Hobi. I’m sorry about what I said a few weeks ago. I was heated, and I apologize,” you said, looking down at a scuff in the hardwood floors.

“I’m sorry, too. What I said was uncalled for, and I didn’t mean to upset you. Last year, this semester. Anything I’ve done that has made you mad or annoyed. I’m sorry,” Hobi said sincerely. “I-um, well…”

You looked up, waiting for him to continue.

“I just wanted your attention.”

“What?”

“I wanted your attention. I wanted you to want to talk to me. I wanted you to get to know me. Not the version of me that I show my students. I wanted you to see me. Really see me.”

You gulped, Hobi’s vulnerability making you nervous. He took a step toward you, and you willed yourself to stay in place.

“I know you do the same thing; you hide. Hide behind this persona you’ve created. I think it goes away when you play piano.”

“How do you–what do you mean?” you asked incredulously.

“I hear you play. After class. I never told you because I selfishly wanted to keep listening. Your music it – it tells a story. About your day, your feelings. If you didn’t tell me yourself, at least your music did.”

Your cheeks burned knowing that he was audience to all of the time spent in your classroom, working out your feelings on the piano like it was your therapy.

“Everything goes away when I play,” you stopped, thinking about how distracted you had been lately trying to compose. “Well, most of the time, anyway.”

“That’s how I feel when I dance,” Hobi admitted with a gentle smile. You nodded, realizing that the two of you had this in common, at least.

“I’ll leave you to it,” you said, backing away from Hobi toward the door.

“Wait –,” Hobi said, slightly flustered. “Dance with me.”

Your eyes widened. Hobi laughed, and you hated to admit that you had missed the sound.

“Come on, just trust me, Y/L/N.” You waited while he picked out a song, holding out his hand. You placed your fingers in his, and he pulled you close to him, leading you around the studio floor to the song. He made you feel light on your feet despite your lack of dance experience, his hand tightly gripping yours, his other floating over your waist. Your skin tingled from the contact.

He spun you around twice, your hands landing on his chest as you tried to regain your balance. You looked up at him, genuinely enjoying yourself. His bright smile you used to roll your eyes at lit up his features, causing your smile to match his.

“Can you see me now, Y/N?” Hobi asked, referencing his earlier confession. “Because I see you when you play. When you tell a student crying in your office that everything is going to be okay. And I see you now when you’re dancing with me like this.”

“Yes, I do.”

“Remember when you said I didn’t know anything about you?” You nodded, recognizing his reference to your fight outside of the department building. “I don’t think that’s true. But I know there’s so much more to know. And I want to know everything.”

Hobi’s hand came up to your cheek, softly placing it on the side of your face.

“I want to know you, too, Hobi,” you whispered.

He leaned forward, his breath fanning over your lips, “Want to start now?”

You gripped his t-shirt in your hand, pulling him the last few inches to your lips instead of answering. You felt him smile against your lips, wrapping his arms around you and holding you close to him.

He pulled back, his forehead resting on yours as you caught your breath.

“Does this mean I can start playing my music loudly during office hours again?” Hobi teased, his fingers playing with the hem of your sweater, brushing against your skin.

You made a face at him, causing him to laugh. He kissed you on the forehead, then on the lips again to make you smile before answering.

“Not a chance.”  

---

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[insomniacowl]

Neon genesis Evangelion Analysis Chapter 23: Katsuragi Misato Part 2 Dear Shinji, this is my will.

Misato: So you don't want to meet your dad?

Just like me

Let us start from the beginning. The scene in the first episode where Misato drives down to meet Shinji. Her first words to him were, "Sorry, I made you wait." This, I believe, is the first of many times their interactions will revolve around the theme of "Waiting." The line also contrasts with her final words to Shinji, "Let's continue when you get back."

Her cross is first brought to our attention through Shinji's eyes as Misato shields him from the blast of explosions from the Self-defense force's missiles used against Sakiel. Then, on their way to NERV, Shinji confides to her about his feelings towards Gendou. Misato empathizes, saying, "You're just like me," pointing to their commonalities.

She later consoles Shinji as he refuses to pilot Eva-01 and tells him to "Not run away from himself." At this point, she was already seeing herself reflected in Shinji, and those words were meant for herself as well.

After this point, Misato constantly finds herself reflected on Shinji. While it has a positive influence, like in episode 1, it also frequently caused Shinji to hurt. One criticism viewers lay on Misato is the sarcastic tone she sometimes takes when talking to Shinji about his actions. "You don't want to pilot the Eva? With that kind of determination…. What a pain!", Is one of the harsh words directed at Shinji. Even in episode 12, her cold reaction to Shinji's contemplation regarding Asuka is also, in its own way, infamous.

Yet, if we consider that she sees a lot of herself in Shinji, those lines come to represent her self-contempt rather than how she sees the fourteen-year-old. Misato was not really in the position to take care of teenagers if we consider her character flaws.

While such actions are worthy of criticism, there is room to empathize considering the traumas she had to endure, which has shaped the kind of "Adult" she became. As a young child, she was in the center of the Second Impact, and the psychological impact has led to her being mute for a few years. However, she seemed to have eventually recovered. Perhaps to compensate, we are told that she became an overly happy and talkative person. On top of this, she has studied hard and become a student at the Second-Tokyo city University. She met and began living with Kaji in the year 2005, at the age of twenty. According to Ritsuko, she even had a week-long sex marathon with Kaji, where neither of them left the house during the period.

To elaborate on her constant need for physical pleasure, we can start from the glimpse of her inner monologue we get during the instrumentality. We learn that it was one of the few things she had control over that made her feel alive when she was intimate with Kaji. Yet she breaks up with him because She saw a glimpse of her father reflected in him, although that was what got her attracted to him in the first place.

What are you embarrassed about? You wanted the man you love to see you for who you were. NO!

I wonder about that. You wanted your father to see you for who you were. That's not true!

We can identify Misato as struggling with Electra Complex (Oedipus Complex for girls) regarding how she views her father. She then attempted to quench the thirst for affection her father failed to provide her from a different man who felt similar to him. This can be observed through Kaji and Shinji. Two people sharing the same character flaws as her father (Workaholic and being bad at human interaction) being the two people she opened herself up to (Mentally, emotionally, and sexually). Misato was hoping to compensate for the loss she suffered and recover from her past trauma using her relationship with these two.

Consciously or unconsciously, she likely understood this side of herself. She felt disgusted by herself, leading to her breaking up with Kaji while punishing and labeling herself as someone "Undeserving to love." While her relationship with Kaji was open and overtly described in the series, some of you might wonder how Shinji is involved in this process. Especially regarding the sexual aspect of this analysis.

We can definitively say that Misato and Shinji do not share a simple Guardianship relation. But the discussion about Misato and Shinji can wait for now. First, let us discuss Hyuga Makoto.

Hyuga is seen approaching Misato as more than just a direct superior at work (Especially after Kaji's death). "Only if it's with you (I don't mind dying from the base self-destructing)." It is a telling line that highlights Hyuga's feelings that he begins acting on in the latter part of the series. Turning him into a more dimensional character. While Misato seems to be aware of such advances, we never see her acting on it. Neither accepting nor rejecting him outright. Since this is at the low point of her emotional journey, Misato would have been okay with anyone. Thus, it makes us wonder if there could have been more intimacy between the two off-screen. I'd argue that Hyuga died a virgin (or at least that there was no sexual relationship between the two) based on Hyuga's fantasy during the instrumentality.

To bring our discussion back to Kaji, we are shown that he was the first man she trusted and gave her first intimacy to. At the same time, she was someone Kaji was able to trust and be vulnerable with. We never see either of them refer to each other by their names. While the reason is not depicted, we can make an educated guess and say that it stems from their determination to interact professionally. Without letting their (embarrassing) past hinder their work.

But perhaps it was destined that this guise was not meant to be. In episode 15, we see the two confide in each other. Misato laments about her father and her regret of not being a good lover for Kaji. Kaji embraces and accepts her of it. The last time they ever shared a bed, Kaji gives her his final present. His death led to Misato shedding many tears, but the present helped guide her to her next step. Before this point, we see her constantly drinking her favorite beer, but never after this event. All we see her drink from then on is canned coffee, Kaji's favorite drink. And now, two peoples' worth of "Will" lived on inside her. One from her father, the other from Kaji.

Now, let's discuss the last "Male" in her life: Shinji. As mentioned earlier, Shinji was more than just a child under her care. Shinji's first introduction of Misato was through her photo that she sent him. It is a revealing photo of herself with arrows drawing attention to her breast. As a side note, the actual words in this image were written by Anno himself, and the lipstick mark was from one of the female Gainax staff.

From the photo, we can see that Misato wants Shinji to see her as more than a potential caretaker (as ethically should), but as someone of opposite gender and a "potential" love interest. Although, of course, we can brush it aside as a part of her quirky and fun-loving attitude. But the problem arises in the latter part of the series where this attitude crosses the line. The suspicion is confirmed in the official pamphlet's character introduction describing her as Shinji's family + co-worker + superior + "lover."

Misato: Shinji, I'm going in. This is about all I can do for you right now.

Shinji: No!

The scene central to this discussion happens in episode 23 when she takes her seat next to Shinji, who is grieving the death of Second Rei on his bed. Although surface-level reading is, Misato wants to hold his hands to comfort him. If that is the case, the line "This is all I can do for you right now" is unnecessary. And not only that, but Shinji's rejection of this advance is also too strong to justify the conclusion of the surface level analysis. If anything comes to mind about an act that two grown-up adults do on the bed is "Sex."

Even if we try to give the benefit of the doubt and stay at the surface-level conclusion that is psychologically comfortable, this is Evangelion. It refuses psychological comfort. The film book released by Gainax has a note about this scene that says, "Misato is attempting to give Shinji her body." This is even alluded to in the shot right before the line, the head of the chair being where Shinji's Penis would be, and Misato coming to sit right on top of it.

Throughout the series, both Misato and Asuka approach Shinji as the "Other sex." it's natural for Asuka since they are the same age. However, it is unnatural to think of Misato (Who is twice his age) approaching Shinji sexually (neither should be accepted). So let's dive into how Misato might think about that. As early as episode 2, we are shown Misato yelling at Ritsuko through the phone, saying, "There is no way I will lay my hands on a boy!". This is perhaps foreshadowing what she will be doing in the later part of the series. So what changed in her throughout the series that she would end up trying to lay her hands on Shinji sexually. Did she genuinely believe that it was the only way she can console Shinji? Or perhaps there was a more selfish reason, to distract herself from the sadness of losing Kaji? Well, it could be both. There is a middle ground and an explanation that I prefer. Kaji was the only man she allowed herself to be vulnerable with. Because the best means of communication between the two have been sexual, she most likely believed this to be the most effective way to empathize and be vulnerable with Shinji.

We can see this as another manifestation of her Electra complex if we consider that Shinji also reminds her of her father.

As many of you are aware, Evangelion borrows concepts from psychology and is strongly influenced by Freudian psychoanalysis. Psychological terms are heavily used, especially in later episodes. The characters' internal conflicts are put into the spotlight in episodes 18, 19, and 20. All these episodes use terms from psychoanalysis for their title. Let me touch on each of them briefly over here. Episode 18's title is "Ambivalence." It refers to the coexistence of two conflicting emotions (Love and hate) regarding something and was coined by Eugen Bleuler in 1911. Freud borrowed this term in his analysis. His followers believed it to be an essential state that leads to the sadistic sub-phase of development. Episode 18 is also when the dummy-controlled Eva Unit-01 destroys Bardiel. Thus the title can also help us understand the Destrudo-led sadistic destruction of the dummy program.

Episode 19's title is "Introjection" and was a term heavily used by Freud. It is the unconscious adoption of the ideas or attitudes of others and a psychological defensive mechanism used by the ego to minimize anxiety. Almost every human being goes through this phase and is a part of healthy development as an individual. Episode 19 is when Shinji emits a strong dose of Destrudo and achieves a 400% synchronization rate. Here, we can try to explain the use of this term for the episode title in two ways. The first is to refer to the synchronization process of the pilot and the Evangelion. Secondly (and more specifically to the episode), to refer to Shinji becoming an individual that has become a part of Unit-01. Becoming a part of Unit-01 who have just absorbed the S2 engine and become as though god.

Last is episode 20, titled "Oral stage," and is the stage central to Freud's theory of Libido's development. Libido is the potential sexual energy, and Freud categorized the development into four distinct stages, starting with the oral stage. During this stage of development, the child clings onto its mother's breast for nourishment. This is also when the child begins to develop the ability to distinguish between themselves and the other. The significant happening of episode 20 is salvaging Shinji from Unit-01's Core, trying to bring Shinji back as an individual and away from the comfort of his mother. This can be seen to parallel the child leaving its mother's womb and coming to be born into its own person. And to add, they had to inject Libido into the Core to salvage him.

To return from our long detour, Evangelion is a series that heavily draws its conceptual inspiration from Psychology and Freudian psychoanalysis. What Freud posits, and perhaps most central to his scholarship, understands that desires created by both Libido and Destrudo, any forms of mental energy are irresistible and irrepressible. That is to say, if during one's development if any of such mental energies' expressions are disturbed and blocked off, it will results in the development of harmful coping mechanisms as an adult. In the case of Misato, her father's absence resulted in the absence of ways to healthily release her Libido. Therefore, Misato's inappropriate advance towards Shinji could manifested the harmful coping mechanism she developed as a child.

Losing her father as a child resulted in dysregulation in Libido. Losing Kaji, the only person she truly loved, left Masato broken. At this point, she had no other way to release her desires other than laying hands on a vulnerable child. When both Shinji and Penpen refused her the physical affection she needed, she could only find comfort in listening to Kaji's final voice message in repeat. Yet, she did not lose all possibility to recover. She was able to dry out her tears and began to follow the road her father once took. This leads her to analyze the evidence Kaji passes onto her and begins questioning the truth behind Rei. By the end, she manages to reach close enough to understand the "Truth." This is how she was able to explain to Shinji what was going on. She also experiences character growth through this process, becoming able to fully understand and empathize with the pain of others.

This is also when we see her starting to differ from Asuka. While both lost Kaji, whom they both loved, Misato comes to accept this loss and can carry herself as an adult. By the end, she was mature enough to send the grieving Shinji to Unit-01 during the End of Evangelion. While Misato has always convinced Shinji to get on the Eva, now, she was different from the past. Unlike in episode 4, where she emotionally manipulated Shinji into piloting Eva. Unlike episode 12, where she drew a hard line and coldly forced him. In EOE, she was no longer forcing Shinji out of her own hatred of the angels. All there was, was a grown adult's desire to convince a child that "Life is worth living." Even if she were to die during this process. All there was, was Misato's advice as an adult to the crying child. And it was this "will to live" that was passed on from Misato to Shinji.

Misato places her necklace on Shinji's hands and wraps his hands around it. Just as how she once held onto it while facing death in its face. Her father's memento. The love towards one's family. Hope for humanity. And all else that the cross symbolized. And the cross passed on from Misato to Shinji like the passing of the torch. To pass on the will to live. This was followed by a grown-up's kiss, just like how Kaji showed her, the perfect way to, perhaps the only way to fully communicate this will and pass it on. To want the other to continue living and hoping to live on as a part of their memory.

With the kiss, Misato stopped pretending to be Shinji's inept guardian.

She sent Shinji off, hoping that he could become a grown-up who can stand by himself.

Misato: You will be alone from this point on. You need to choose for yourself.

Shinji: No. I can't.

Misato: Crying isn't going to solve anything, either!

Misato: You hate yourself, don't you? That's why you hurt others. Deep down, you know that you suffer more when you cause someone else pain than if you just let yourself get hurt. But Shinji, that was your decision, so that makes it a valid choice. That's what you wanted, so that makes it worthwhile, Stop lying to yourself, and realize that you do have options. Then accept the choices that you made.

Shinji: But you're not me. You don't understand!

Misato: So what if I'm not you?! That doesn't mean it's okay for you to give up! If you do, I'll NEVER forgive you as long as I live.

Misato: I'm not perfect either. I've made tons of stupid mistakes, and later, I regretted them. And I've done it over and over again. A cycle of hollow joy and vicious self-hatred. But even so, every time, I learned something about myself.

Please, Shinji. You've got to pilot Eva and settle this once and for all. Find out why you came here. Why you exist at all.

And when you've found your answers, come back to me. Promise me. See you soon.

Kaji: Go and do what you can. No one will force that choice on you. Think for yourself and decide for yourself. GO and do what you must right now. So that you don't live to regret it.

Misato: If I had known it would end like this, I would have changed the carpet as Asuka suggested.

Many discussions about Eva centered around her last words, the one about the Carpet and Asuka. Most of the theories have interpreted it with the spilled coffee during the instrumentality scene. I'll touch on the scenes shown in instrumentality in future chapters. But for the discussion here, note that the coffee was not spilled on the carpet during the instrumentality scenes. So I'd instead interpret this line separately from it. Personally, I believe this to be Misato, as an adult, regretting not being as kind and compassionate as she could have been to Asuka.

Unlike Shinji, who she managed to pass on her will and true feelings, she did not have that privilege with Asuka. Instead, she wallowed in her sadness, not looking out for Asuka, who was herself suffering from traumas and grief. The regret of not being a good guardian and not making the home comfortable for Asuka would have hit her as waves of regret crashed in as she laid bleeding cold on the floor of section R-20.

After Shinji, who she just sent off, Asuka, who she feels sorry for, After Penpen, who was always there for her, Kaji now crosses her mind. Was she waiting for his praise for passing on his will to Shinji?

As though she can see him, she stares at the sky. Right before the explosion, we see Rei standing over her. Perhaps it was Lilith who traveled through time.

And we come to the final scene of the EoE. Shinji and Asuka are lying down on the shore, staring at the sky. At this moment, we are reminded of Misato through the cross, now nailed to a wooden post. The cross has come to symbolize Misato's hope and dreams for the two children who will now be growing up into two adults. Will Misato be able to revert back to her human form by her soul desiring it? Nobody knows. But I don't think that matters. Because now, Shinji carries on her will.

Let's continue when you get back.

I'm back. Welcome back.

Welcome Shinji, this is your new home.

I'm back.

Welcome back!

Sorry, made you wait!

TBC Chapter 24: Ritsuko Part 1 Mother and Daughter

[hopeshoodie]

Oooo I would love to see you do Thinks I Think The Islanders Would Hate About Me

Also love your blog :)

This was so long ago but I still love the idea (and also your blog, literally no you) so here's

What My Favorite LITG Islanders Would Dislike About Me, Personally

Hope

Touch averse: Hope wants someone to hold her hand/play with her nails/stroke her skin causally all the time and I think I would peel off my face if the person I was with was overly touchy.

Bad Fashion Taste: Hope has style, taste, and class. I have business professional and sweats.

Desirability: In that I have none. Hope is attracted to capable, ambitious, successful people. I’m getting over that to an extent and getting used to/appreciating being mediocre. So us dating would be a lot of me trailing behind her and her feeling like she could do better.

Noah

Conflict Avoidant: I hate getting into disagreements, so we would both just avoid each other if there was a problem, making it worse.

Dyke: Noah clearly likes glamorous, high-femme women and I am… Not any of those things…

Brain Rot: All of the jokes Noah makes in the villa are just… stolen from internet culture lmao. They really bopped in the villa because no one recognized them. But I too have built a personality on the internet, I see you.

Henrik

Idiot: I love hiking and caving, but hate when we have a goal to accomplish. A ten mile hike is absolutely doable, but a ten mile hike so we can get to a specific point? Forget it. Henrik’s tours would be a no-go for me because I need to stop in the middle to lay in a stream or pick up a snake, we’re not finishing it in the allotted time. I also love going off path (WHEN IT’S SAFE, DON’T BE STUPID LIKE ME), Henrik would hate that.

Sarcastic: IRL I try to deliver jokes but end up sounding serious and use a fair bit of sarcasm, and I don’t think Henrik would pick up on it. Our sense of humor are pretty similar, outside of that though.

Marisol

Similarity: We are just… The same person but I have anxiety. Consequentially, a lot of the things she has an individuality complex about would be things I’ve already considered. Marisol would say things trying to be smart and my autistic ass would tell her I already know it, without realizing that I’m invalidating her sense of superiority

Annoying: I beat jokes into the ground (if yall haven’t noticed) so she would get annoyed at me picking up on her quips and just… referencing them constantly in other conversations. Same thing with her humor- every month when I remembered I’d be like “oh! What’s the duck?” to the point where it’s not a fun thing anymore, it’s an obligation.

Clueless: I don’t pick up on social cues, so straight up her ‘trying to make me jealous’ would not work because I wouldn’t pick up on it or if I did my conclusion would be ‘guess she’s not interested in me anymore’

[bring-it-all-down]

I’d like to talk a little bit about why I think Black Sails, while definitely tragic, is NOT a tragedy. Rather, I think that Black Sails ultimately is more hopeful than tragic.

The literary conception of tragedy is divided into two types, Greek and Shakespearean. I’m in no way an expert on tragedy, but broadly speaking, in Greek tragedy, the plot must have unity (it must have a clear beginning, middle, and end) in order for the audience to reach some sort of emotional catharsis. Most importantly, though, the plot must be driven by a character’s pointless struggle to avoid their fate brought on by their hubris (an attempt to become like a god), which has been predetermined (largely from prophesies) and from which they cannot escape. For instance, everything Oedipus attempts to do to escape his fate of killing his father and marrying his mother only draws him closer to that fate. 

Shakespearean tragedy, on the other hand, has a less clear beginning and plot, including many subplots that take place over a much longer period of time: it lacks the Greek elements of unity of plot, time, and place. Furthermore, the struggle is driven not by divine prophecy but by a character’s struggle between good and evil; the character is doomed not by an external power but by an internal failing. Thus, while the tragic hero in Greek plays gains full knowledge of the situation by the end, the Shakespearean tragic hero rarely gains self-knowledge. In essence, Greek tragedy is more plot-focused and Shakespearean tragedy is more character-focused.

Although Black Sails has a predetermined end thanks to both Treasure Island and the historical context of piracy, if it was to be a tragedy, it would be a Shakespearean tragedy, not a Greek tragedy. The plot is complex, focusing on a number of characters, and is driven largely by the characters’ internal struggles. However, the show differs in several key ways that ultimately prevent it from being a full tragedy.

Most importantly, Black Sails lacks a real tragic hero, who in Shakespearean tragedy is somebody well-regarded––often a member of the nobility––who is fundamentally a good person, but whose fatal flaw leads to his downfall and the downfall of society at large. As Tom McAlindon puts it in his article, “What is Shakespearean Tragedy?”:

The hero’s fall involves a self-betrayal or loss of identity which constitutes the breakdown in the balance of a richly-endowed nature, one in which feeling is so powerful that it is never far from the point of destructive excess...loosely speaking, then, anger and ambition (including pride, a sense of honor, and the desire for glory), and, on the other hand, love and grief, are the passions whose overflow brings disaster; and it should be stressed that the first pair are to be seen in as positive a light as the second (9-10).

This tragic hero frequently wants to do good, but is blind to the truth of reality, and his initial errors in judgment due to this blindness compound over time, leading to his destruction. Throughout this decline, the ‘hero’ status is maintained through a constant reminder of the environment in which the tragic hero exists; Othello’s paranoia, for instance, is in part a product of the racism in Venetian society. Furthermore, the tragic hero is always juxtaposed by a manipulative figure who knowingly attempts to rouse the hero’s passions for his own gain.

In Black Sails, the person who most closely matches this description is Flint, a high-ranking pirate who commands the respect of his inferiors. Flint certainly is driven by some continuously shifting combination of ambition, love, and grief. His entire project is one dedicated to honoring Thomas’s memory, but it’s also very true that Flint enjoys being in power. He relishes the opportunity to take back command of the Walrus from Dufresne, and as much as he sees his crew as men rather than animals, he absolutely believes himself superior to them. His penchant for murdering those who stand in his way is constantly justified to us through reminders that civilization is even more violent and less discriminating in its use of violence. Furthermore, he is manipulated at times by Silver (though the extent of each other’s knowledge of this is questionable).

This brings us to the question of Flint’s fatal flaw. Unlike with Shakespearean tragic heroes (Romeo’s impulsiveness, Hamlet’s indecision, Macbeth’s ambition), it’s hard to pinpoint a singular flaw for Flint. To be sure, the guy has many flaws: his arrogance, his reticence to trust people, his anger, etc. But it’s difficult to pick out a singular flaw that leads to his demise. In fact, it’s perhaps his abandonment of these flaws that results in his death (“Flint” died, regardless of how you interpret the ending). He trusts Silver, he humbles himself enough to believe himself unworthy of overseeing a post-revolutionary world alongside Madi and Silver, and it’s his love in place of anger that makes it impossible for him to kill Silver. So, ultimately, his fatal flaw is trusting Silver too much, but this is not a flaw that is inherent to him, that he had even from their first meeting. 

A second way in which Black Sails differs from Shakespearean tragedy also concerns the ending. In Shakespearean tragedies, the reciprocal relationship between the disordered tragic hero and the disordered society in which he exists comes to and end with the hero’s demise, and a new orderly society springs up in its place. In Macbeth, Malcolm becomes king, ushering in an era of benevolence; in Othello, Iago receives a fitting punishment, thereby restoring some sense of justice; etc. In essence, the tragic hero’s death results in the end of conflict and the beginning of peace.

In one sense, Black Sails follows this plot. The end of Flint brings about the end of war and the beginning of peace in Nassau under Max’s rule. However, we know that this peace is deeply unsatisfactory because we have come to learn that compromising with civilization is actually impossible. We learn that while the Maroons have a peace treaty, it does not extend to any other freed Black person, and it includes the Maroons re-enslaving people who come to them for freedom. We know through historical context that Jack and Anne only have a few more years of freedom before they’re captured and Jack is hanged. We know that Silver spends the rest of his life haunted by what he did to Flint. And so Flint’s death brings about no actual peace.

The key element that prevents Black Sails from being a Shakespearean tragedy, despite it fitting most of the typical components of a Shakespearean tragedy, is the idea that the central conflict––freedom vs. civilization––extends beyond the show. And so we are aware that no character’s actions will actually affect the conflict in a monumental way. Even though there is the idea that it could have ended differently, we know from the beginning, with our historical knowledge, that the revolution is doomed. The central conflict of the show is an ongoing conflict; there is no possibility of reconciliation as with the Montagues and the Capulets. While all Shakespearean tragedies begin in medias res, they have a definite conclusion, but Black Sails does not.

So, Black Sails is not a Shakespearean tragedy, but on its surface, it looks like it’s incredibly tragic. However, I think that, for all of the reasons I just talked about, Black Sails is actually a show about hope. Flint’s arc demonstrates to us that people can change, that hope can be found in a mutual recognition of suffering and a desire to end that suffering not just for yourself but for others. We learn from Max that nothing is worth doing unless it begins and ends with love. We find a deep sense of familiarity in these characters through the recognition that their battles are our battles, that their flaws are our flaws, but their failure does not have to be our failure. 

Unlike with Macbeth or Othello or Romeo and Juliet, the Black Sails story is still being written and so long as that is the case, there is room for hope.

[blackswaneuroparedux]

It is always dangerous for soldiers, sailors, or airmen to play at politics. They enter a sphere in which the values are quite different from those to which they have hitherto been accustomed.

- Winston Churchill, The Gathering Storm

**Pictured above: Seated, left to right: Air Chief Marshal Sir Charles Portal; Field Marshal Sir Alan Brooke, the Rt Hon Winston Churchill; Admiral Sir Andrew Cunningham. Standing, left to right: the Secretary to the Chiefs of Staffs Committee, Major General L C Hollis; and the Chief of Staff to the Minister of Defence, General Sir Hastings Ismay.

No one serious has ever doubted the statesmanship of Winston Churchill. However a broad criticism of Churchill as warlord only came to light after the war. Many historians thought that he meddled, incurably and unforgivably, in the professional affairs of his military advisers.

The first surge of criticism came primarily from military authors, in particular Churchill’s own chairman of the Chiefs of Staff, and Chief of the Imperial General Staff, Alan Brooke. The publication of his diaries in the late 1950s shocked readers, who discovered in entries Brooke himself retrospectively described as “liverish” that all had not gone smoothly between Churchill and his generals.

On 10 September 1944 he wrote in his diary (an entry not known until the 2001 updated version was published:

“[Churchill] has only got half the picture in his mind, talks absurdities and makes my blood boil to listen to his nonsense. I find it hard to remain civil. And the wonderful thing is that 3/4 of the population of this world imagine that Winston Churchill is one of the Strategists of History, a second Marlborough, and the other 1/4 have no conception what a public menace he is and has been throughout the war! It is far better that the world should never know and never suspect the feet of clay on that otherwise superhuman being. Without him England was lost for a certainty, with him England has been on the verge of disaster time and again….Never have I admired and disliked a man simultaneously to the same extent.”

Many of the British field marshals and admirals of World War II came away nursing the bruises that inevitably came their way in dealing with Churchill. They deplored his excessive interest in what struck them as properly military detail; they feared his imagination and its restless probing for new courses of action. But perhaps they resented most of all his certainty of their fallibility.

Norman Brook, secretary of the Cabinet under Churchill, wrote to Hastings Ismay, the former secretary to the Chiefs of Staff, a revealing observation: “Churchill has said to me, in private conversation, that this was partly due to the extent to which the Generals had been discredited in the First War—which meant that, in the Second War, their successors could not pretend to be professionally infallible.”

Churchill’s uneasy relationship with his generals stemmed, in large part, from his willingness to pick commanders who disagreed with him—and who often did so violently. The two most forceful members of the Chiefs of Staff, Brooke and Cunningham, were evidence of that. If he dispensed with Field Marshal Sir John Greer Dill as Chief of Imperial General Staff, he did so with the silent approval of key officers, who shared his judgment that Dill did not have the spirit to fight the war through to victory. 

As General Hastings Lionel "Pug" Ismay (later 1st Baron Ismay), Churchill’s chief military asdvisor and link to the CIG, and others privately admitted, however, Dill was a spent man by 1941, hardly up to the demanding chore of coping with Churchill. “The one thing that was necessary and indeed that Winston preferred, was someone to stand up to him, instead of which Jack Dill merely looked, and was, bitterly hurt.”If Churchill were to make a rude remark about the courage of the British Army, Ismay later recalled, the wise course was to laugh it off or to refer Churchill to his own writings. “Dill, on the other hand, was cut to the quick that anyone should insult his beloved Army and vowed he would never serve with him again, which of course was silly.”

It was not enough, of course, to pick good leaders; as a war leader, Churchill found himself compelled to prod them as well—an activity that occasioned more than a little resentment on their part. Indeed, in a private letter to General Claude Auchinleck shortly before he assumed command in the Middle East in June 1941, Dill warned of this, saying that “the Commander will always be subject to great and often undue pressure from his Government.”

The permeation of all war, even total war, by political concerns, should come as no surprise to the contemporary student of military history, who has usually been fed on a diet of Clausewitz and his disciples. But it is sometimes forgotten just how deep and pervasive political considerations in war are. 

Take, for example, the question of the employment of air power in advance of the Normandy invasion.

As is well known, operational experts and commanders split over the most effective use of air power. Some favored the employment of tactical air power to sever the rail and road lines leading to the area of the proposed beachhead, while others proposed a systematic attack on the French rail network, leading to its ultimate collapse. This seemingly technical military issue had, however, political ramifications, because any attack (but particularly one targeted against French marshalling yards) promised to yield French civilian casualties. Churchill therefore intervened in the bombing dilute to secure a promise that French civilian casualties would be held to a bare minimum. “You are piling up an awful load of hatred,” Churchill wrote to Air Chief Marshal Tedder. He insisted that French civilian casualties be under 10,000 killed, and reports were submitted throughout May that listed the number of French civilians killed and (callously enough) “Credit Balance Remaining.”

This is not to say that Churchill’s military judgment was invariably or even frequently superior to that of his subordinates, although on occasion it clearly was. Rather, Churchill exercised one of his most important functions as war leader by holding their calculations and assertions up to the standards of a massive common sense, informed by wide reading and experience at war. When his military advisers could not come up with plausible answers to these harassing and inconvenient questions, they usually revised their views; when they could, Churchill revised his. In both cases, British strategy benefited.

In The World Crisis Churchill wrote: “At the summit, true strategy and politics are one.” The civil-military relationship and the formulation of strategy are inextricably intertwined. A study of Churchill’s tenure in high command of Britain during the Second World War suggests that the formulation of strategy is a matter more complex than the laying out of blueprints.

In the world of affairs, as any close observer of government or business knows, conception or vision make up at best a small percentage of what a leader does—the implementation of that vision requires unremitting effort. The debate about the wisdom of Churchill’s judgments (for example, his desire to see large amphibious operations in the East Indies) is largely beside the point. His activity as a strategist emerges in the totality of his efforts to shape Britain’s war policies, and to mold the peace that would follow the war.

The Churchillian model of civil-military relations is one of what one might call an uneven dialogue - an unsparing (if often affectionate) interaction with military subordinates about their activities. It flies in the face of the contemporary conventional wisdom, particularly in the United States, about how politicians should deal with their military advisers.25 In fact, however, Churchill’s pattern of relationships with his Generals resembles that of other great democratic war statesmen, including Lincoln, Clemenceau and Ben Gurion, each of whom drove their generals to distraction by their supposed meddling in military matters.

All four of these statesmen, Clausewitzians by instinct if not by education, recognized the indissolubility of political and military affairs, and refused to recognize any bounds to their authority in military activities. In the end, all four provided exceptional leadership in war not because their judgment was always superior to that of their military subordinates, but because they wove the many threads of operations and politics into a whole. And none of these leaders regarded any sphere of military policy as beyond the scope of his legitimate inspection.

The penalties for a failure to understand strategy as an all-encompassing task in war can be severe. The wretched history of the Vietnam War, in which civilian leaders never came to grips with the core of their strategic dilemma, illustrates as much. President Johnson, in particular, left strategy for the South Vietnamese part of the war in the hands of General William Westmoreland, an upright and limited general utterly unsuited for the kind of conflict in which he found himself. He did not find himself called to account for his operational choices, nor did his strategy of attrition receive any serious review for almost three years of bloody fighting. At the same time, the President and his civilian advisers ran an air war in isolation from their military advisers, on the basis of a weekly luncheon meeting from which men in uniform were excluded until halfway through the war.

A Churchillian leader fighting the Vietnam War would have had little patience, one suspects, with the smooth but ineffectual Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, General Earle Wheeler. He would, no doubt, have convened all of his military advisers (and not just one), to badger them constantly about the progress of the war, and about the intelligence with which the theatre commander was pursuing it. The arguments might have been unpleasant, but at least they would have taken place. Perhaps no strategy would have made the war a winnable one, but surely some strategic judgment would have been better than none. Nor can strategy simply be left to the generals, as they so often wish.

The Churchillian way of high command rests on an uneven dialogue between civilian leader and military chiefs (not, let it be noted, a single generalissimo). It is not comfortable for the military, who suffer the torments of perpetual interrogation; nor easy for the civilians, who must absorb vast quantities of technical, tactical and operational information and make sense of it. But in the end, it is difficult to quarrel with the results.

[cosmic-affinities]

Deku Vs Kacchan Part Two- Bakudeku

HOLY SHIT I just got done rewatching Deku Vs. Kacchan Part Two and now when in watching it I totally shipped the two from the start and so heres my word vomit of why I can’t understand how some people don’t see their shipping potential. 

Alright so the first time I watched this episode, and their fight at Ground Beta, is where I really started to ship them hardcore, I always liked their dynamic but this really locked it in for me. So I was idly going through and rewatching some of my favorite episodes/arcs and I watched Deku Vs Kacchan Part Two, this time with them already being my favorite ship from the show so obviously I have thoughts. 

I just want to go through and show why I do not understand when people absolutely refuse to think these two have any chemistry. Also this focuses on Katsuki quite a bit just because there’s usually a bunch of this type of thing about Izuku.

1) First of all back to the very begining of the series Izuku very nearly told Katsuki about OFA, he felt so guilty for betraying Katsuki that he needed a way to explain himself, with full confidence that Katsuki wouldn’t tell anyone. This was after he had spend literal months keeping all of this a secret from everyone, an everyone that included his mom and would eventually include his closest friends.

2) Back to the episode in particular, this is one of the only times we ever see Katsuki cry and get emotional (with an emotion other than anger) and it is all for Izuku. He specifically made sure Izuku and him were together and he broke down all of the walls he had put up (these same walls had kept all of his emotions from affecting him during the provisional liscence exam) Izuku is seriously the only one who can truly get how he is feeling like he says during the episode. They have such an understanding of each other’s emotions that Katsuki is actually angry that he can’t read Izuku the same way after All Might. 

3) The entire episode really highlights their childhood together and Katsuki’s conflicting outward superiority complex partnered with his deep seeded inferiority complex (IMO the superiority complex he outwardly projects is the direct result of his true inferior feelings that he refuses to submit to so instead he is ‘faking it until he makes it’ so he doesn’t crumble) anyways the point of this is it really shows where all of his aggression towards Izuku comes from. He doesn’t hate Izuku necessarily he hates the fact that he is sure that Izuku looks down on him, I think if the two had met at UA or maybe even only slightly later than they did there would be much less animosity (although where’s the fun in that dynamic [im slightly kidding]) another anyways is the fact that Katsuki so willingly tells Izuku all of this and doesn’t even try to take any of it back.

4) The actual factual fight scene is also very well done and leaves a lot to my shipping imagination. The way that they know each other just well enough to know the best ways to fight but both of them have to really put everything in to even get hits out on each other shows how closely they examine the other, for Izuku we know is is out of habit/ in his nature but for Katsuki this is eye opening, showing how much he truly pays attention to, even though his demeanor is very much ‘im the best and I don’t need to learn anything about anyone’ (this is not to say that he is not very very intelligent and can very easily evaluate fighting styles on the go during battle but to say he took time outside of battle to think about Izuku says something when it comes to Katsuki) also can we all take a second to appreciate when Katsuki has Izuku pinned to the floor and they are both panting *chefs kiss*

5) When Katsuki is talking to Izuku after he has him pinned he says ‘You have All Might’s power but even using his strength even after making it your own some how you still managed to lose to me.” and normally he would stress that he lost and that he specifally lost to him but when he says it he sounds resigned and slightly dissapointed, as if he expected to lose, which is something he never expects because he does have faith in his own abilities which shows that he, no matter how subconciously, thought Izuku would win, or maybe put up more of a fight. That coming from Katsuki is high praise.

6) When Katsuki starts his rant about how he finshed All Might and breaks down he talks about how it all keeps playing on loop and that everyone has to know about it, but who does he go to? Izuku. He goes to the one person who has always been in his life and has seen him at some of his lowest moments (sludge monster) and as I mentioned before the only one who truly knows what he is feeling. Izuku even says that Katsuki was more affected than he himself was and he is All Might’s succesor.

7) Moving a bit into Izuku, this is the first time we see him stand up for himself, before this most of their interactions are negative and Izuku allows Katsuki to walk all over him, but here he tells him that he won’t be a punching bag anymore, which puts them into the playing field as equals.

8) Izuku also narrates their relationship, hitting on how awful it was up until that point, how they knew each other for a long time, how they never talked about they ‘really felt’ which can be taken with some extra shipping context since it is directly from Izuku’s point of view.

9) More about everything Izuku says, this is the first time he hears what Katsuki thinks about him, how he thinks he is constantly beeing looked down on even though Izuku treated him like he was golden. This makes everything so much clearer for the two of them, the giant mess of misunderstanding that they needed to work through, this is their opening.

10) The magnificence of the line “All Might was my hero, but you were the one actually in my life!” this is one of the lines that plenty of people say solidified the ship for them, you get to physically see how much Izuku loves All Might, mere episodes before you see his room(s) (dorm+house) covered in All Might memorbilia but he flat out says that Katsuki had/has a bigger impact on him.

11) Izuku narrates something he would never admit, he even says that he would never admit it. He says that when he gets emotional and his desire to win takes over he subconciously starts to talk like Katsuki, think about that for a second, when Izuku is aware and not swept up in a fight, he is fully trying to emulate All Might, everytime he is fighting or doing resuce mission practice he thinks about what All Might would do or say. So much so that when he gets told off for saying the wrong thing during the Provisional liscence exam he beats himself up for not doing what All Might would at the begining of the rescue mission. Even with all of that he says that when he gets rilled up he starts to talk like Katsuki, this shows how much he looks at Katsuki and sees a hero, the ideal (thats a bit of a strong word but you get the point) when he wants to win so badly he does not try to copy the actual number one hero he tries to act like Katsuki, his hero, his image of victory. Also he calls him his image of victory, come on he is basically shipping himself at that point.

12) Katsuki thinks he isn’t good enough and says so to All Might and Izuku, the one who would never willingly accept anyones help he allowed himself to tell the two of them.

13) When All Might says that Izuku admires Katsuki for his strength and Kastuki fears Izukus heart and spirit, how is that not total shipping material?!

14) This all ends with Katsuki accepting his role in Izuku’s training, he didn’t even think about it for more than a second before he ‘threatened’ Izuku basically telling him that if he doesn’t get stronger on his own Katsuki will force him to get stronger

15) Then they have their little banter about surpassing each other (mad bants ;) ) then All Might mentions that they are now ‘Proper Rivals’ in a way they werent before. Their relationship grows and expands, with that a mutual resepct and understanding.

16) When Aizawa asks who threw the first punch Katsuki does not hesitate to admit that he did, even after thier one fight he is showing growth, he doesn’t try to play it off as if it was mutual, Izuku quickly jumps in and says he was at fault as well, not letting Katsuki take all of the balme. All Might has spoken to them once and yet they’re already working better together.

17) When the two are on house arrest and Izuku asks Katsuki what he thinks about the shoot style Katsuki gives him an actual answer, and even (back handedly) compliments him on it when previously he would have shaken it off and maybe even yelled at him for asking, major improvement in their relationship.

18) This last one is something that happens in every episode but really stands out as they fight. Katsuki still lets Izuku call him Kacchan, his childhood nickname. It would be so easy and probably more ‘in character’ for him to tell Izuku off for calling him something that would be considered so childish, but I think it is his own way of holding onto that part of himself, when they were young and quirks didn’t matter. Most of the conjecture about why he lets Izuku call him that is mostly fanon but it is definetly something that helps the ship.

OK so i rambled on for a lot longer than i originally intended but here you go to the one person who might read this far, this is for you thank you.

Also mind you this is a single 24 minute episode and there are 18 (EIGHTTEEN) points, although it is an episode deicted to the two of them, either way I ship bakudeku and this episode really did it for me.

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

I have a ton of insomnia writing in the drafts, so time to start unloading some of it. The usual “as is” rules apply, and I’ll try to keep most of it under the cut,

It just occured to me that I actually have one piece of good advice to give:

If you challenge someone to a duel, ALWAYS have a witness for the fight!

I learned this the hard way when I was a little girl. But to understand why I felt the need to even duel someone, you need to understand the background.

When I was a little girl my family lived in our house in town, which meant until I was 9 I was running around with a gang of kids. I say “kids”, but I pretty much mean boys. There were a couple of years during that time when a girl was inthe neighborhood, one being one of the best friends I had in my life and the other....not, but almost the entire time I was the only girl in the neighborhood.

Now some folks think being the only girl would be terrible, but in a lot of ways it was fine. Kids are kids, rampaging around the neighborhood, and thanks to my family I never felt things should be “girl stuff” and “boy stuff”. I just played.

 In fact, at times being the only girl even gave me a curious power position. I knew “girl things” they didn’t. I can still remember the shock on the face of one of the boys when I tried to explain that I didn’t just piss outside like them because of anatomical differences. He just assumed girls had dicks too. 

BTW, groups of very little boys can get awfully competitive about their dicks. Not that they called them that. They honest to god called them “ding-a-lings”! LOL  In fact, a few times they even had a contest where they would line up with their pants dropped wanting me (the only one that was exempt)  to decide which looked “best”. Remember, at the time we were very little kids, so the concept of “best” was exceptionally vague.** I hope I didn’t give any of those boys a lifelong complex because of something I said in all innocence! But geez, they were obsessed with the idea that whatever hung between their legs was very, very important.

Anyway, running around playing being a girl among boys wasn’t bad all the time. Heck, while the boys could fight over who got to play Han and Luke when we played “Star Wars” or Mark and Jason when we played “Battle of the Planets”, I always knew I wouldn’t have to compete for my part in the games. Though I’m still a little irked to the way their only solution to Gargantuas in War of the Gargantuas being both male was I’d play “the green Gargantua’s wife, at least we always found a way even if what we were playing didn’t have a token girl.

All that being said, there were real disadvantages too, especially as the bots came to learn the rules around gender. I was a girl. They knew it and at times they would think it meant I was supposed to defer to them. This led to many a fight and tears.

For instance, once one of the boys got a BB gun. 

Naturally we all wanted to take turns using it in a makeshift backyard shooting gallery. Trouble was, as far as they were concerned girls weren’t supposed to shoot. Now considering all the toy cap guns they borrowed from me when we played, and the gun I had that shot cork balls had been the envy of all the kids*** until this BB gun, it seems crazy they would think girls weren’t allowed “real” guns. I begged a turn, outshot them all, and never was allowed to touch the gun again. ****Having a girl be the best shot kinda stung for them! LOL

The boys would do this now and then, throw me for a loop with “you are a girl” as a reason I should or shouldn’t do a thing. Being a “sissy” was a common insult used among the kids. A kid should be tough and brave, try never to get crying or show weakness, or sometimes they would even use “like a girl” as an insult. 

I learned that my “girly” side was more of a target, so I got so in the toy chest in the living room I kept the guns, cars, blocks, etc for the boys to use, but kept hidden away in my bedroom the girly stuff like dolls. In fact I kept things like play makeup buried in drawer where no one could find them...

Yes, I was a girl, both in my personal identification and as the whole world saw me, and yet I hid my “girl stuff” like a teenager hiding drugs or dirty magazines. It was the big drawback of usually being the only girl. The girly side of being a girl was something to be quiet about.

So grew up thinking that the way to impress a guy was to be strong, tough,  smart, brave, and not at all squeamish. If boys admire each other for not being a sissy, then certainly they would admire a girl for being that way.  

Oddly enough, never once did a boy reciprocate my crushes because I wasn’t a sissy. Oh, they would like me for it, but it was seeing me as one of the guys and never as romantic potential. Or maybe not oddly. I may be hetero CIS female, but the world sees me as not girly enough in my presentation to quite believe me.

TBH, I still have a problem with that. I never learned the rules of being girly. I never was taught how to put on makeup, do hair, know about fashion, move in that swaying hips and crossed ankles when you sit kind of way... 

And down deep I don’t want to have to put on that act. I want to be me. I want someone to love me without makeup or styling, not because of the clothes I wear or because of skills with flirting games. I want to be loved for me, and girly is only part of me. Part of me is walks in the woods where I photograph snakes and spiders. Part of me is climbing in the roof to repair a leak or taking apart the hot water heater to figure out how to fix it....

I have always been a combination of things. Things like how I like romantic comedies and horror films, I picked out my antique sword because it felt like it would swing in my hand well and it had little flowers on the hand guard, or how I love classical and punk.I never wear dresses during the day, because they aren’t practical for my rough and dirty life, plus  they can make you very vulnerable. And yet at night I always wear the prettiest nightgown I can find. I had a unique “Captain’s Canopy Bed” as a child, because I loved both the captain’s bed (a bunk woth drawers under it billed as a “boy bed” by people that gender everything) and longed for a canopy bed. My father sensibly combined the two for me. To me it has never been about a contradiction or conflict, but just that different aspects manifest under different circumstances. 

I really can’t understand why people are expected to fit into catagories neatly, label themselves, force themselves to deny parts if themselves just to belong. Still,  I expect I would be happier if I could have at least forced myself to fake it.

Anyway, the boys were learning girls were “supposed” to be a certain way, and I was constantly insisting this wasn’t true. They would pick on me amd we would fight. Oddly, this “girls can’t” attitude never applied to fighting. They never went easier on me because I was a girl. 

Once they got me treed and the henchman boy was told to go get something to hit me with. I warned him not to, but he didn’t listen. As he went to get the weapon I lept out of the tree in a tackle, and began punching him. My grandmother ran out shouting for me to stop. “It’s not ladylike!!” she cried, while  I shouted back in frustration “They were going to hit me!!” 

Don’t worry, I wasn’t punished. Grandma..well, it’s complicated with her...and my parents would never punish me for something like that. Years later Mom would admit she and Pop were proud if me after that fight. “The boys picked on you so much I was glad you hit them”...

Hmmm, now that I think about it, Mom’s most common response to sexist attitudes in movies and tv shows is to grumble “Oh hit him!” Folks have no idea about Mom’s violent side, the part that watched Xena: Warrior Princess and sighed “I always wanted to be able to leap around and fight like that!” People think she is “sweet”, when Pop was always the family softie! LOL

As we got older, the sexism of the boys got worse and so did our conflict. One boy, a year older than me and the oldest of the usual gang, was the worst. His own mother was a rather strong and independent person, so it was almost confusing how he could be that way. As far as he was concerned the social structure was thatthe older the boy the higher the rank, and girls were at the bottom. It was inevitable that one day their would be an explosion.

The final straw came over, of all things, me wanting to make our gang of friends into a club. It was all the fault if a kids magazine called Dynamite, that put out a book on making your own club, complete with membership cards printed in a fold out of the cover you could cut out. It sounded like a great idea. It wasn’t.

To be honest, I shouldn’t have been at all surprised. By this point the oldest boy had gotten to be a complete pain about gender roles, but also about me in particular. My first day of kindergarten he’d been the only person I knew all day, so when I passed him in the hall I’d said “Hello”. The boy next to him asked who I was and he said “I don’t know!” right in front of me. I had started to consider our “friendship” differently after that, and his now increased insistence that boys were superior increased the rift.

To make matters worse, the boys had developed some sort of age based ranking. When I invited the oldest boy’s little brother to come to the club meeting too, the guy had been outraged. It had seemed natural to me, I mean I invited my little brother. I always wanted to include everyone. To the boys, the younger boys didn’t count and the older you were the more power you were “supposed” to have.

Now for the club I’d fixed up a corner of the shed out back. I put up posters, made a candle (I just loved making candles and melting wax when I was little...us GenXers lived dangerous lives!LOL), set up chairs and a table, had refreshments and, of course, the membership cards. I couldn’t wait for them to show up.

Once the boys arrived I said it was time to elect officers. Immediately the oldest boy announced there was no need and started to pass out the cards. He said he would be president because he was oldest, my favorite boy would be vice president, the thieving henchman would be treasurer because he was next oldest, the other boys would be just members, and I would be...secretary. 

Oh he was glad to explain. Girls are always secretaries. Only girls can be secretaries. Girls can never be president. The other boys accepted this.

Naturally I was outraged. This was NOT right! We were supposed to vote! And we were supposed to vote for who would be best for the job, not who was oldest or a boy. Girls CAN be president! And besides, the club was my idea and the clubhouse in my yard so I shouldn’t be stuck being the stupid secretary without even voting!!!!

There was a lot of shouting after that. The boys stormed off, taking the cards with them. I went in the house to take the refreshments, and the boys snuck back to trash the place. They tore the posters, smashed my candle, and turned over the furniture. 

I cried.

I was also furious.

I was beyond fed up with the oldest boy and his assumption of leadership. Now my favorite boy did apologize, but he was always the nice one. The others were unrepentant. The oldest boy insisted he was right that girls could never lead. 

There was only one thing left to do: Challenge the oldest boy to a duel.

I went right up to him and said I’d had enough. I was challenging him to a fight. One on one, just him and me. No weapons, just our strength. The winner would be the leader of the kids.

I know it’s absurd, but since physical fighting is what they valued I figured I had to go with it. Actually, if anything, a fight would be skewed in my favor. While the boy was a year older, I was a head taller. Where he was lanky, I’d gotten to be a sort of muscular and agile fat.***** Physically the avantage was mine, an since refusing to fight me would be so embarrassing to him I knew I’d get the fight. 

He agreed, and then I made a very stupid mistake. I decided to show him a bit of mercy. Since losing to a girl would be so humilating, I set the time and place where we would meet alone for our fight. I wanted to win, to make my point, but  I wasn’t trying to shame him.

And so the time came. We met in a back yard, in clear area  hidden from windows in case an adult was looking by trees. I wish I could tell you some dramatic blow by blow, but honestly I remember it as very quick. He fancied he knew fighting moves, got into a pose, and I flattened him. Almost admittedly I had him pinned to the ground where I sat on top of him until he admitted I had won. 

I went home overjoyed. This lasted until the kids got together. I, oh so foolishly, assumed I was now leader. The boy, however, was not about to give up power...or tell the truth. 

As an adult I realize my naivety, but at the time I was 7 or 8. I honestly had believed the boy would have been honest. I always told the truth, so why wouldn’t he? And since we had made a sort of “official” deal, he would be obliged to tell the truth. 

He lied. Right there, right in front of me, he lied. 

The boy announced he had won. I said he was lying, that I had won, and he laughed. Of course he had won. He was a boy. Did the boys really think  a girl could beat him?

 I offered to fight him again right there, but he refused saying he’d already won. I couldn’t get him to feel pressured to fight me again because now the boys wouldn’t really want him to. On some level I think they believed me and knew I would win if we fought again. As long as they didn’t see me clobber him they could pretend the boys “deserved” to be in charge. They needed the lie as much as he did.

And so I learned a lesson: witneses matter. People will almost always lie if the truth threatens them. 

You know, I think this is why I have always been obsessed with watching when something horrible is happening. I always had this feeling that even when I can’t help, I can be there for the person in some way. I’d listen, watch, and remember. When I was 9 I stood in the snow, no coat and no socks, waiting until a man was removed from a crashed car because I didn’t want to “abandon” him. I would report teachers that did something incredibly wrong, even though I knew the teacher would deny it and I knew my classmates were too afraid to back me up, because the truth had to be known. I wanted to be the witness I needed for that fight, someone to back me up when no one wants to hear the truth.

As a footnote, after the duel failed I tried one more way to defeat the oldest boy: Voodoo!

Well, voodoo by way of a book I’d been reading. It wasn’t real voodoo, or probably like any realistic magical practices. In the book someone had carved a skull into a tree, written someone’s name under it, and the  hammered a nail into the center of the skull with devastating consequences to the victim. I had a pocket knife and a nail, so I gave it a go.

Sadly voodoo didn’t work. 

Even more sadly the boy grew up to move away from this hick town, get a good job, get married and have kids. In other words, he got a far better life than I’ve had. Oh well, the universe never cares about fairness.

** Actually one boy always won, because TBH I liked everything about him best.

***Hilariously, one of the boys tried to steal my cork gun, claiming it was his. Pop had engraved my name in the gun sight, and when my father pointed at to ask what it said, the boy claimed it was his name! That boy was never very bright, always dishonest, and a born henchman! LOL You know, I bet that toy gun would have been illegal to make just a few years later, just because it literally fired things. Heck, maybe it already was and had been sitting on the store shelf for years before I got it. We couldn’t find one like it a coulle years later for my little brother.... 

****I want to point out being a good shot runs in the family. Back in the 1960s when my family had to shoot for self defense (long story) Mom was apparently a crack shot. On one side of her family she has had relatives that were at times the official best shot for their branch of the military. One, even as an old man in poor health, liked to show off how he could selectively shoot off small tree top branches a long diatance uphill from him. Plus, Mom likes to mention she is distantly related to Annie Oakley, which is apparenty true.

*****Traumatic stuff happened when I started school, triggering a bunch of sudden changes with me. One was weight gain, but I had stayed strong as ever. 

[realtruebeauty]

Cognitive Biases in the Political Arena

With the 2020 U.S. presidential election fast approaching, many people will be glued to the 24-hour news cycle to stay up to date on political developments. Yet, when searching for facts, our own cognitive biases often get in the way.

If this isn’t problematic enough, third parties can also take advantage of these biases to influence our thinking. The media, for example, can exploit our tendency to assign stereotypes to others by only providing catchy, surface-level information. Once established in our minds, these generalizations can be tough to shake off.

Such tactics can have a powerful influence on public opinion if applied consistently to a broad audience. To help us avoid these mental pitfalls, today’s infographic from PredictIt lists common cognitive biases that influence the realm of politics, beginning with the “Big Cs”.

The First C: Confirmation Bias

People exhibit confirmation bias when they seek information that only affirms their pre-existing beliefs. This can cause them to become overly rigid in their political opinions, even when presented with conflicting ideas or evidence.

When too many people fall victim to this bias, progress towards solving complex sociopolitical issues is thwarted. That’s because solving these issues in a bipartisan system requires cooperation from both sides of the spectrum.

A reluctance towards establishing a common ground is already widespread in America. According to a 2019 survey, 70% of Democrats believed their party’s leaders should “stand up” to President Trump, even if less gets done in Washington. Conversely, 51% of Republicans believed that Trump should “stand up” to Democrats.

In light of these developments, researchers have conducted studies to determine if the issue of confirmation bias is as prevalent as it seems. In one experiment, participants chose to either support or oppose a given sociopolitical issue. They were then presented with evidence that was conflicting, affirming, or a combination of both.

In all scenarios, participants were most likely to stick with their initial decisions. Of those presented with conflicting evidence, just one in five changed their stance. Furthermore, participants who maintained their initial positions became even more confident in the superiority of their decision—a testament to how influential confirmation bias can be.

The Second C: Coverage Bias

Coverage bias, in the context of politics, is a form of media bias where certain politicians or topics are disproportionately covered. In some cases, media outlets can even twist stories to fit a certain narrative.

For example, research from the University of South Florida analyzed media coverage on President Trump’s 2017 travel ban. It was discovered that primetime media hosts covered the ban through completely different perspectives.

Each host varied drastically in tone, phrasing, and facts of emphasis, […] presenting each issue in a manner that aligns with a specific partisan agenda.

—Josepher, Bryce (2017)

Charting the ideological placement of each source’s audience can help us gain a better understanding of the coverage bias at work. In other words, where do people on the left, middle, and right get their news?

The horizontal axis in this graphic corresponds to the Ideological Consistency Scale, which is composed of 10 questions. For each question, respondents are assigned a “-1” for a liberal response, “+1” for a conservative response, or a “0” for other responses. A summation of these scores places a respondent into one of five categories:

Ideological Category Ranking

Consistently conservative +7 to +10

Mostly conservative +3 to +6

Mixed -2 to +2

Mostly liberal -6 to -3

Consistently liberal -10 to -7

Overcoming coverage bias—which dovetails into other biases like confirmation bias—may require us to follow a wider variety of sources, even those we may not initially agree with.

The Third C: Concision Bias

Concision bias is a type of bias where politicians or the media selectively focus on aspects of information that are easy to get across. In the process, more nuanced and delicate views get omitted from popular discourse.

A common application of concision bias is the use of sound bites, which are short clips that can be taken out of a politician’s speech. When played in isolation, these clips may leave out important context for the audience.

Without the proper context, multi-faceted issues can become extremely polarizing, and may be a reason for the growing partisan divide in America. In fact, there is less overlap in the political values of Republicans and Democrats than ever previously measured.

In 1994, just 64% of Republicans were more conservative than the median Democrat. By 2017, that margin had grown considerably, to 95% of Republicans. The same trend can be found on the other end of the spectrum. Whereas 70% of Democrats were more liberal than the median Republican in 1994, this proportion increased to 97% by 2017.

Overcoming Our Biases

Achieving full self-awareness can be difficult, especially when new biases emerge in our constantly evolving world. So where do we begin?

Simply remembering these mental pitfalls exist can be a great start—after all, we can’t fix what we don’t know. Individuals concerned about the upcoming presidential election may find it useful to focus their attention on the Big Cs, as these biases can play a significant role in shaping political beliefs. Maintaining an open mindset and diversifying the media sources we follow are two tactics that may act as a hedge.

[gilmesc1]

Do you have any thoughts on fictional portrayals of DID, like danganronpa, spl!t, and others?

Yes, I usually would take time to do research but lucky for you I already did XD

I looked into Danganronpa a while ago since we have 1 or 2 system mates from it, and in that case, prepare yourselves for a hot mess of my opinion and facts I got from a google fest.

So, to start out, I guess I might share spoilers?? So you hath been warned. Additionally I’m not going to sit here and rephrase the entire story so, honestly why am I even explaining this. Anon at least knows what’s going on XDD

So Danganronpa is a psychological mystery anime that focuses heavily on the themes of hope and despair, where in most versions of the story characters are forced into a killing game where they have to kill each other. Bet you couldn’t have figured that one out on your own XD

One thing I like about it is that the characters overall are written fairly well. Many of them are complex multi layered gems of writing with good development and story arcs. One thing that I found interesting is the semi accurate portrayals of mental illness and how it impacts the characters in this insane situation.

So, let’s break into that. I focused on the portrayals of NPD and DID specifically, and I could go back and look into others, but we’ll focus on those for this post. And just going to throw this out now, I think it’s interesting and also kind of a bold move to tackle those kinds of things in an anime.

So let’s look at the DID portrayal. The character’s name is Toko Fukawa, and she is a fucking wreck. Confirmed emotional abuse gives a lot into her character, and we see her as this timid, deflective, honestly broken shell. Later in the series we are introduced to her alternate personality, I know, exciting.

However it’s a literal serial killer. So like. Yeah.

I don’t love that part. I mean, out of all of the portrayals for this alter, you had to go with serial killer? And not only that, but a really famous, generally acknowledged as insane serial killer. Thaaaanks writer.

To recap what a lot of tumblr says, this kind of portrayal is dangerous because the majority of DID portrayals are of crazy violent stereotypes. It was quite honestly disappointing, and I wish that the writers hadn’t used this as their big reveal.

But hey, neutral standing here, let’s look at why he did do that from a different perspective. Since the theme of the game/anime is killing, it does make sense plot wise to have a serial killer. Additionally, it’s a clever way to get said serial killer into the game in the first place. Plot wise and with a few things I’ll mention in a second, it does make sense in a twisted way.

But let’s get the bad out of the way first. One thing I really don’t love is her appearance. It’s like someone took the original character design of fukawa, took some drugs, and then drew a nightmare creature. Seriously, there’s crazy eyes, hair flying everywhere, and this freaky inhuman tongue that the alter has out no matter what she’s doing. Like whaaaaaat the fuck.

Firstly this spreads misinformation that we can change appearance at will. Like don’t get me wrong, I wish I could, but the best I got is changing clothes if I have the time. Also the tongue I really hate because it gives the impression of the alter being this inhuman monster. Also again with the impression that we can morph stuff when we switch. I mean, if I had that, I’d be having a lot more fun in my day to day life than I do now.

Do what you will with that information.

Additionally we do see Fukawa’s tongue, and it’s not a weird demogorgon kind of thing, so, yeah, the tongue thing is weird.

Finally her name. It’s Genocider Syo/Jack/Jill. Not a normal name, no the only name we have for her is her serial killer name which I feel serves to continue to show her as this inhuman thing where we all go, Oh god oh fuck time to be afraaaaid.

But hey, let’s look at what they did right.

The backstory of how genocider came to be is really accurate to how it works. Fukawa has a history of abuse at a young age, and genocider eventually comes into the picture to protect her.

Let me explain: So this is a theory on my part (Check out Weeby Newz’s youtube video, that’s where I got this) but Fukawa was revealed to have suffered massive emotional abuse at the hands of a boy who she had romantic interest in. Since he was moving away, she decided to confess her love to him in a letter before this happened. Turns out the boy pinned the letter in her classroom so everyone would make fun of her. Dick move.

I think genocider formed after this specific event, firstly because this is a huge defining experience for Fukawa. Additionally, the way genocider acts serves to prove this. Her target victims are boys, and her first victim was the boy who hurt Fukawa. I mean yeah, killing was waaaay extreme, but bear with me on this next part:

I’d say that genocider is a protector. A lot of her initial actions were to protect Fukawa from getting hurt in the same way, and protectors do have a history of going to the extreme to protect their hosts and systems. Even though she seems like a persecutor, I don’t think any of her actions have been directed at herself and Fukawa, they actually seem to have a decent relationship, and to end this theory that is completely non canon and just me pretending I’m smart, I’d call her a protector.

Next, looking at the relationship they have. Genocider at one point tells the protagonist that they have a “non disclosure policy” when they switch when the other is in the middle of something. (like murder??) And I personally really liked this, as it was a kind of realistic DID humor in my eyes. Take it or leave it, that’s my opinion.

And that’s really all I have on that behalf. Genocider really isn’t shown as a “normal person” often, which I guess is the point but also leaves me with nothing to evaluate. (Side note, this is only V1 of the series and I’m aware she changes but dear god go easy on me)

Finally, here are a few things that I find a little weird tbh.

At first glance when they switch, it’s a touch accurate, if over dramatic. Losing consciousness and coming to as a different alter is possible so I do like that, however they also have her constantly switching when sneezing, which is a little out there.

I mean, I think I’ve done that before, but for it to be a consistent theme, idk. Maybe overdramatized again.

Secondly, there is a voice change, which is accurate, but it really just serves to fit the crazy image, so I’m conflicted on that.

So that is really all I can say on that specifically, to end things I’m going to talk about one other character Fukawa has interactions with, Togami. (He has a first name but I can’t spell/remember it.)

So I gravitated towards him while watching the series because he reminds me of me, hence me saying that he seems to be a dead ringer for npd. Let me explain.

He’s very cold and distant from others and obviously feels superior, additionally he is willing to fight tooth and nail to consistently be on top and win in any situation, leading to him doing some fucked up things.

But like I feel for him. It’s like watching me XD

His past was a very competitive cuthroat environment, where he was taught that losing is worse than death. Additionally he was almost groomed to be this untouchable figure so it’s no surprise that he believes that. I might make a second post about him because there’s a lot more I can say, but I’m going to double back to Fukawa now.

So Fukawa gains a very unhealthy obsession with Togami, despite him wanting literally nothing to do with her. He’s verbally abusive to her and does go out of his way to attack her, but she thinks it’s a sign of love. Poor Fukawa.

This also kind of fits with NPD, because we can have some pretty gravitating personalities. I think the attraction has a lot to do with Fukawa’s mental state, but I just found it interesting that the emotional abuse victim gravitates to Togami of all people.

So I brought him up for that above thought I had, and also to compare this last point. So Fukawa was confirmed to have DID, like it was specifically stated. To my knowledge it was never stated that Togami has NPD, but I strongly assume that he does. (key word assume, I could be wrong.)

So I found it interesting that Togami has this very accurate portrayal of NPD without ever confirming that he has NPD, while Fukawa is specifically confirmed to have DID while having a semi accurate portrayal. I think the writer really wanted to include mental illness in his story line and I doubt he intended anything to be intentionally harmful.

Writing mental illness into a story is very very very tricky, and it’s practically impossible to satisfy everyone, but the fact that he did do it is in my opinion, very bold.

He made good and less good choices, but overall he did make very compelling characters. Genocider admittedly fits better in this plotline as a crazy killer than she would as a realistic alter, but this is fiction.

So final statements: Toko Fukawa is not a bad character. I like a lot about her and overall I think she is very well written. Genocider is very less developed and more of a surprise plot twist than a character, which is unrealistic. The writer made some very awkward choices from a realistic standpoint despite it fitting well with his story.

So overall, she really isn’t a good portrayal of DID. You can enjoy her character like I did, but the main takeaway here is to not take her as a realistic portrayal. I know it seems obvious but this is the kind of thing that forms unhealthy ideas in viewers.

I’m not hating on Danganronpa or Toko, I actually really loved both. I’ve tried to stop ranting about fictional works that I hate. I used to be a loose fucking canon but I realized that I had been bashing a few autistic friend’s special interests, so now I try to be hyper aware that a fictional work might mean everything to someone even if I personally disliked it.

But that isn’t the case here because again I loved Danganronpa XD

So friends, that about does it for me. I liked doing this kind of analysis so if you want me to do more, send them my way XD

My next post will probably be the syscourse analysis if I can get that done before I get an easier topic. So thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed, thank you for the ask anon.

And I’m now out of words. You all should be happy. XD

[linkspooky]

Zenin Maki: Family or Strength

Zenin Maki is one of the most complex characters in the story of Jujutsu Kaisen, she’s also one whose motivations we know a great deal about already due to her being featured in the prequel, and her continued development in the main series. In her character she represents one of the main themes of the series, the conflict between defining yourself individually (by who you are and what standards you set) or by defining yourself by the people around you (conforming or going with the expectations of other people). Maki’s struggles to be an indivudual in a world that has already written her off as a failure is pretty central to the themes of the story. MORE UNDER THE CUT. 

Maki is caught in a pretty classic Want/Need conflict. All stories are rooted in a character’s conflict. Maki’s conflict is with herself as much as it is with the Zenin clan. 

 A want is at its simplest, the Thing Your Characters Wants is the plot goal.  [...] Whereas the Want is a direct equivalent of the plot goal, the Thing the Character Needs is a direct correlative of the thematic value. Whatever Truth your story is positing about reality, that is the ultimate Thing the Character Needs.  [x]. 

A want is oftentimes something the character defines for themself. It’s what motivates them to move forward. Whereas, the need is what the story itself says they need in order to grow. 

You don’t make a character change by giving them exactly what they want, which is why the want and need are often in conflict with one another. In most cases a character grows over the course of the story to realize their need in the end. The want motivates them, the need is their resolution. 

What Maki wants is to be recognized as an individual. She wants to prove her family wrong. Her family has already defined her as a failure. Just like how Getou sees her, because she has no natural talent for jujutsu sorcery her own family has denied that she’s even a person. She’s constantly dehumanized by them. If she’s not useful for Jujutsu Sorcery, then she’s nothing at all. For Maki, being her own person, and living for herself, her own amibtions, is an act of rebellion against her family who want to deny her everything. 

Maki’s want is an almost childish sense of revenge. An “I Told You So”. She wants to prove the people that dismissed her wrong, by proving she’s better than them. She wants to make the Zenin clan bow their heads to her. 

Wants are not bad things. They are what motivates the character to move forward. Maki’s spiteful amibtion, the fact that what she wants is basically no better than revenge, is neither a good nor bad thing in the context of the story. It’s her driving force. Maki is allwoed to be spiteful and angry at the way herfamily treated her. Yuta, who is basically one of the most soft-hearted and understanding characters in the prequel completely approves of her ambitions. 

The fact that she’s selfishly motivated. The fact that she wants to do all these things for herself. Her strong sense of individuality are not bad things. They are just the things that make Maki, Maki. In fact rebelling is basically the only way Maki can be an individual. Her urge to destroy her family is not presented to us as a bad thing, but rather something necessary for Maki to truly grow and be herself. 

However, once again a want is not the entire answer. You don’t make characters change by giving them what they want. 

Moron, this only works if I’m doing it by myself. 

Maki wanting to be stronger than anyone in her family. Her focus on individual strength above all else. None of these are bad, however it’s not entirely what she needs either. Look at what she says don’t go feeling like you got accepted. 

It’s almost like some part of Maki is afraid of those feelings of acceptance. She feels like family is something she has to throw away in order to be strong. 

I do not mean in a sense that Maki will not work with people on her team. She clearly has the ability to form connections with people as friends, get along with others, and even cooperate owith them as a team and care for her comrades. However, she never lets her feelings go any deeper than that. She’s gone so long without unconditional love and acceptance that she feels like she has to destroy her own need for such a thing. 

1. Maki vs Mai

Maki has two significant foils in the series who share this same conflict, choosing between your individual development and strength, and also your need to be accepted by the people around you. 

Mai is presented to us first as someone who looks down on Maki like the rest of her family. This makes sense because at the time the story was telling it from Maki’s perspective mainly. Maki tends to see her whole family, even her own twin sister, as the other. 

However, we’re presented with two different narratives. That of Maki who left the family and began to develop as her own person. That of Mai who stayed behind with the family, and had to continue living inside of an abusive household. The narrative becomes one of not Maki or Mai being the better sibling, but rather two siblings reacting to an abusive household in different ways. 

Mai has never once thought her sister was weak. She’s just parroting what the rest of the clan says about Maki in order to get Maki’s attention after Maki left her. Mai has always thought Maki was the stronger one between the two of them, but the thing is Mai doesn’t care about strength at all.

What Mai wanted was a personal connection with her sister. That’s why she mentions not telling her who her first crush is. In order to become her own person Maki has distanced herself from everyone, but that also means as a consequence Maki has shut Mai out. 

It’s clear Mai reads Maki’s declaration and decision to leave the family, to leave her behind in an absuive household to also mean that she’s rejecting her sister, the one family member who loves her for her. 

Once again neither sister is wrong. Maki wanting to run away from an abusive household when she’s a teenager and can’t really take care of her sister, or maybe even did not have the ability to bring her sister with her is not something that should bee expected fo a cihld. Mai turning against Maki for bieng left behind in an abusive environment, and not knowing a healthy way to reach out to her sister is also what’s to be expected fo a child. It’s not Mai and Maki who started this conflict, it’s the adults that pitted them against each other.

Mai is not trying to put Maki down because she sees herself as superior or anything like that, she literally has always thought Maki was much better than her. It’s a pretty basic cry for attention. 

Both sisters want and chose different things. Maki wanted to be herself, Mai wanted a family. Neiter of their desires are wrong or better than the other. Mai is not wrong for wanting a normal life, Maki is not wrong for wanting to be a Jujutsu Sorcerer.

However, because Maki has to draw such a clear line between herself and other people. She can’t accept or understand Mai’s feelings. The conflict between the two of them goes completely unresolved. Because, Maki doesn’t have to leave those connections of unconditional love and acceptance behind to be an individual, she just thinks she does. That is the point where her want clashes with her need. 

2. Maki vs Toji

Maki and Fushigoro Toji were both born into the Zenin clan, and both suffer from the same inability to see cursed spirits. While at first the comparison may look like a positive one for Maki, Maki is choosing to stay inside the system and work to prove herself better than what her family told her she was then going completely rogue and living as a mercenary for money like Toji did. 

However, eseentially both of them made the same choice. They chose power, and their own personal ambitions over their family. The first thing we learn about Toji in story is that he left his son behind, and practically forgot about him. 

While Maki is not responsible for her twin sister the same way that Toji is responsible for his son, they still both believe they have to throw away those kind of family connections in order to survive as an individual. They don’t allow themselves to feel that connection. 

Toji seems to live entirely for himself, and to prove others wrong about him. He has the same want as as Maki, to be stronger that the Jujutsu Sorcerers who dismissed him. They just chose different paths, Maki works from inside, whereas Megumi this late in his life has gone completely outside of the system. 

Toji s a lot more spiteful than Maki towards talented people. Maki’s more self directed and doesn’t blame everybody around her for her circumstances, so much. She’s a lot more focused on herself and her own sense of self improvement. However, both of them have an extreme amount of self awareness and use that to push themselves to develop their bodies to their absolute limit.

Toji is someone who is incredibly aware of his own limits, and rather than that making him unmotivated it causes him to be an extremely strategic thinker, and also push his body beyond even what most Jujutsu sorcerers are capable of. He makes excuses for his own violent behavior because he’s nothing but a reject and a monkey, but he doesn’t let other people’s talents be an excuse for him to be weak. When he sees Gojou fighting him at full power, he doesn’t hesitate or run away, he literally approaches the situation with an extreme amount of determination that believing he can overcome it. 

As a person he’s practically a disaster, always eating fast food, gambling, leaving his son behind, and acting immature and irresponsible with his business partner. Whereas Maki is much more cold and composed. However, this behavior stems from the fact that Toji, like Maki, has focused his entire life around fighting and therefore everywhere else he’s underdeveloped as a person. He’s the extreme result of Maki’s belief that if she’s stronger than her family, that will somehow fix what is missing inside of her. 

Toji even says he believed the only way to go against his family and continue being himself, was to twist his personality like this. That he had no choice but to become this way in order to deny what his family said about him. 

However, what Toji regrets as he’s dying is not that he wasn’t strong enough. He doesn’t even regret becoming a crimminal, or rebelling against the Jujutsu world. What he regrets is that he threw away his family in the process. 

What he wanted was to be strong. What he needed was a family. Maki and Toji are not exactly the same, but Toji is a cautionary tale that shows us that Maki’s choice to reject understanding and acceptance is unhealthy behavior. It’s what she wants and not what she needs. And these things are not mutually exclusive, Maki can both pursue her own individual strength and at the same time accept others around her. The manga has always advocated finding a balance, and a reconciliation between the two, rather than one as being more important than the other. Just like her conflict with her sister, beating her sister in a fight proves nothing. What Maki needs is reconciliation, the ability to understand her sister’s feelings and also have her sister be able to understand her own. 

She needs those connections to be an individual. We are defined by ourselves, we are defined by the people around us. It’s not either or, it’s both at the same time. Maki’s choice isn’t even a choice she necessarily needs to make, she’s allowed to choose both. 

[captainnellbatoast]

SHARKS, SHARKS AND MORE SHARKS

The subject area I'd like to choose for my FMP is shark attacks which is a theme that I'm really interested in and have a pre-existing knowledge of. The subject of shark attacks is full of incorrect preconceptions that’s been majorly informed by the portrayal of attacks in cult films such as Jaws. These have completely moulded the culture of swimming in the sea worldwide, and the overall view of sharks. 

In particular within this subject I’d like to investigate the conflict between human and shark, exploring the villainization of singular sharks which has been heavily influenced by pop culture. I’d like to adopt a process focussed on pacing, suspense, conflict while introducing tone of voice and possibly conversational dialect to the language.

Before 1916 there was skepticism if a shark could even take down a human. In the summer of that year that would be immensely disproved as 5 people were attacked in 11 days on the shore of New Jersey, 4 of which were fatalities. This spree of attacks, which inspired Jaws, birthed the idea that there is a sole shark out there hunting humans, when in fact it is far more likely that a group of sharks moved into that area due to a migrational change, and at the height of summer and beach bathers there happened to be 5 attacks from a collection of sharks. More coincidence than not.

One thing that really fascinates me about this is the vilanization of a single shark which has led to the strange misconception that if you catch a shark around the time of an attack, especially if when gutted it has human remains inside it, your shore will now be safe. The relationship between sharks and humans widely exists as hunt or be hunted even though most people won’t ever encounter a shark in the wild. Does this fear stem from a power complex or is it purely survival instinct induced? Is the fear that we will be hunted or killed? Could this inform a discussion appreciating sharks as hunters and gorgeously engineered killing machines, through an act of respect? 

The chances of you being killed by a falling coconut are higher than both being fatally injured by a shark or surviving the attack. Despite most people having a grasp on this concept, or similar, the fear takes over when swimming in murky or even clear open water to the point that many people are fearful and have doubts whilst swimming on even British coasts.

How has culture informed this fear? Jaws has scarred many many children and adults from young ages due to Spielberg’s masterful avoidance of the 12 rating. It is quite hard to believe that it was, and remains, a PG rated film. When speaking to those who were born in the 70s about their first memory of Jaws they often remark how they left the cinema during the screening or how it took a long time to come to terms with their experience of it as they were shit scared. Some note not even wanting to get in the bath. I remember watching the opening scene at 9 on Youtube and then really struggling to grow a pair and get into the sea that summer which I found profoundly odd as I had always really liked monster movies and tended to be a very fearless child when it came to stuff like that. Films like King Kong, Jurassic Park, Coraline, Monster House, which a lot of kids had issues watching, I couldn’t get enough of, but what was different about Jaws though was it could be real. I was able to establish the impossibleness of the other films, but 9 year old me couldn't get it out of my head that unless I never got into the water again I would never truly be safe. I’m still not sure which bit of being attacked by a shark I was more scared for at that point, or if it was just the concept and visual of Alex’s raft floating back all bloody and solo- that stuck with me more than the gorey death bit because I found that kind of cool. Luckily for me peer pressure took over that summer and I got into the water and kind of eliminated that fear. It wasn’t until I went snorkelling in the Caribbean 2 years ago in deep open water that I had to confront this feeling again. Not being able to have 360 vision constantly in crystal clear water was almost scarier than being in murky waters. I have now decided that I think the scariest part of being attacked by a shark (for me) would be if I was in clear water and seeing it swimming straight at me from a distance because at that point nothing is going to be able to stop it. 

I could find legs in this concept of fear and begin a tonal conversation on disaster in general and how it is responded to, both culturally and socially. It also begins to beg questions of why are we so scared of the shark species specifically and not say jellyfish when the stings kill way more people annually than sharks. Is it all down to the teeth; the engineering of the shark? What is the land equivalent of the shark? - is there one? or is the shark far superior to any other creature to currently exist? And how has the term been reappropriated to describe a type of person - “he’s a lone shark” “you shark”

I really enjoy watching shark attack documentaries. I like how they remind me how powerless humans can be in a world they dominate, especially when they’re taken off land. By entering the ocean you’re on a shark’s turf at the end of the day so if you get got can you really blame the shark? The varying amount of damage each species can do really shows the dominance of sharks and how perilous an encounter can be. The fact that great whites remain as one of the only animals that humans cannot keep in captivity without them dying almost immediately is a credit to the species.

I also like shark attack programmes because of the suspense and gore that’s recounted. Some of the injuries seem so alien that they come across as fictional and like they’re part of films. I’m not squeamish so on the rare occasions they show in detail injuries and footage of the attacks it’s my lucky day.

As well as accounts of attacks, documentaries often cover and explore preventative measures in shark ‘hotspots’ which has increased my fascination in the species itself a lot more recently. For example, surfers are now encouraged to wear blue patterned wetsuits that mimic the surface of the water as black wetsuits make you look like a seal (shark food). The other issue with black wetsuits, and also patterned, often neon ones, is the shark’s inability to see colour due to its single long-wavelength sensitive cone type in the retina, which means any high contrast in the water is easy to identify and track.

Recently I’ve been researching how climate change will impact shark migration and therefore attacks. The warmer a shark is, the more energy it has for hunting and migration, and with ocean temperatures rising sharks are become more active and migrating to new areas now that the sea is warm enough to be inhabited. Sharks currently found off the Spanish coast and in the Mediteraean are predicted to move north for the first time ever, meaning they could be entering British seas by 2050. Sharks predicted to follow this migration pattern include white hammerheards, blacktips and sandtigers. I wonder if British coasts homed sharks what the cultural and societal response would be to this. This could also spark a speculative investigation into the future of the shark.

I still stand by my 10 year old self’s opinion that death by shark is probably the coolest way to go.

[valkyrieelysia18]

RWBY Rewrite: WTCH

Hello again! Welcome once again to the RWBY Rewrite series of posts I’ve been working on if under the unlikely chance I was asked to consult on a reboot. Unfortunately for my opening line, this is not the Pyrrha Nikos post (believe me, I’ve got a bunch to talk about on that one), but instead this one will focus on the villains, specifically the main four of Salem’s underlings: Cinder Fall, Arthur Watts, Tyrian Callows, and Hazel Rainart.

Now, villains are always fun to work with; often times they are the most memorable part of a story. A hero is only as good as their villains, as showcased by certain heroes’ rogues galleries. Unfortunately, RWBY’s treatment of its villains has been.....not the best. With the way the heroes have been prevailing lately, it’s been kind of downgrading their threat factor. Not to mention the current writers’ inability to deal with morally gray conflicts and characters. As such, I feel the need to break up the villains into more manageable sections, starting with the villains that will serve as the immediate antagonists to Team RWBY.

Now it’s not going to come up too much here, but it should be made clear that these four are merely this generation’s evil team. There have been many members of Salem’s council, but all that have served previously are dead, mostly due to battle against Ozpin’s forces or by Salem for a number of reasons (betrayal, insubordination, became too much of a liability, etc.). In each of their cases, Salem would reach out to them, whether through a seer or one of her other subordinates, and they would join her cause of their own free will. She’d save her main manipulations and threats for those she’s going to use as scapegoats and those she’s planning on killing. But when it comes to her long term lieutenants, it’s generally best to try and set as positive of a relationship as she can.

So, why would each of them join her? Well, the thing about the great worlds of fiction is not just their positive traits, but also their dark sides. Take the world of My Hero Academia. You’d think a world where almost everyone has super powers would be amazing, but the more you look into the society, the more cracks you find and it becomes very understandable of why some people would want to tear it down. Each of these characters are going to be associated with a problem found in the world they live in, that directly played a part in why they are villains. It’s all going to contribute to the question “Is Remnant and it’s people truly worth saving?” I’ll deal more into this question when I get to Salem.

For this, I’m also going to run with the head canon that each of them comes from a different kingdom and that problem they’re associated with relates to that kingdom: Hazel Vale, Cinder Mistral, Watts Atlas, and Tyrian Vacuo.

Hazel: Apathy

No, this is not about that Grimm. Apathy is generally defined as the complete lack of emotion about a human being, a thing or an activity. And in this head canon, this would describe Vale’s biggest problem. Vale (or at least most of those in charge) doesn’t care about what happens outside of the kingdom’s borders. So long as the life that they’ve become so accustomed to is safe, the rest of the world could be on fire and they wouldn’t lift a finger. And that especially relates to how they, and other kingdoms, view huntsmen and huntresses.

Now, we don’t really know much about Gretchen Rainart’s death, only that Ozpin said that it was due to a training accident, but that’s not what this is focusing on. I imagine that after Gretchen died, Hazel might have tried to raise concern about the Academies’ practices and get answers....only to find that no one really cared.

So what if some no name huntress in training got killed in some sort of accident? Huntsmen and huntresses die all the time. Surely she knew what she was signing up for. And there will be many more just like her.

You know that lyric “Or are we weapons pointed at the enemy, so someone else can claim a victory?” That’s how many people would view huntsmen and huntresses in this Rewrite: weapons to be used and replaced when necessary. This also gives Hazel more of an understandable reason as to why he sided with Salem. Revenge against Ozpin is still his primary motivation, but he also wants to destroy the system that would label his sister and others like her as expendable pawns just so people who know nothing about fighting and sacrifice could live peacefully.

Cinder: Prejudice

Now I know the word prejudice usually comes in when people talk about racism (we’ll get to Adam and the White Fang another day), but as a sociology major I also know that prejudice applies not just to race but also gender, social class, sexuality, family unit, where you grew up, religious beliefs, and more. In the show, Mistral is said to have the most diverse environments and lifestyles. That I think would lead to some serious divisions in the country, particularly after the Great War. 

I always thought it was a missed opportunity that after that conflict, the King of Vale (Oz) essentially dismantled and restructured the governments of four different kingdoms to streamline world peace. Even if it may have had a greater long term benefit, there should have been lasting consequences to drastically changing established governments that had been probably been around for centuries. Entire ways of life may have been altered or destroyed and the power structure must have been completely scrambled. Like, what if most of Mistral’s population is in Central Anima and is more Asian themed, but after the Great War the southern trading ports that are more Greco-Roman (where Pyrrha is from) gained more influence due to being more cooperative with foreign powers? This would make Mistral much more complex compared to Vale and showcase that when you get a bunch of people with differing statuses and beliefs together you’re going to have problems.

Then there’s the royal family and that is where Cinder comes in. In my head canon, Cinder is in fact a direct descendant of the Mistralian royal family which fell into ruin with the deposal of the monarchy. That would perfectly tie into her fairy tale inspiration of Cinderella, a young woman of great status brought to the lowest of circumstances. Only instead of taking it all with grace and kindness, Cinder would grow resentful and bitter. Constantly having to deal with people mocking her for her status and her blood, hearing what family she had left reminisce about what was once theirs, and hearing everyone look down upon the last emperor and all that came before him who styled themselves like gods but turned out to be nothing more then men.

This would give Cinder a much more personal reason to join Salem’s cause, considering that Ozpin, more specifically his last life as the King of Vale, was the reason she and her family would have been in that state in the first place. Her desire for power, strength, and to be feared would be tied up in her desire to reclaim her family’s honor and status, to strive to the image of the old Mistralian emperors. The things she should have had by right and so she’s going to do whatever it takes to take those things back.

Watts: Corruption

While many might cite Atlas’ obvious racist issues and the elitism of its upper class as problematic, Atlas’ upper class and those in power have also exploited those beneath them in order to stay on top. A missed opportunity when it came to the racism subplot is the lack of human allies because when if you really think about it, there must have been human miners in the Schnee Dust mines alongside the Faunus. Mantle is still very much there and the Atlesian hierarchy have most likely exploited those from it who where just trying to live their lives, Jacques Schnee most certainly has. And some of Ironwood’s power plays are definitely overstepping his bounds. As such, I’m using Atlas to highlight corruption. Unlike Vale, the Atlesians do care about how the world sees them and they will do anything to come out on top.

So, how would the good doctor fit into all this? The show has stated that Watts is a disgraced Atlesian scientist, but we don’t know why that is. Well, what if it wasn’t because he went behind his superiors’ backs in making deadly unethical weapons (because that seems like something Atlas would be completely on board for), but because they needed a scapegoat?

In this rewrite, Watts would be Professor Polendina’s protégé and they and others were performing certain experiments for the Atlesian government. The exact type of experiments I’m a little fuzzy on (I’m a writer, not a scientist), but I think it would interesting if these experiments were what laid the groundwork on Penny’s creation. Given Pyrrha’s reaction back in Volume 3, you get the impression that messing around with Aura and souls wouldn’t be the most....moral inquiries. And naturally someone would find out and the government would need someone to put the blame on. Professor Polendina would have been at the head of things and thus would be too important to lose, his protégé on the other hand would be much more expendable. Heck, the professor might be talked into going along with it in exchange for support to build Penny.

Now in this rewrite, Watts is by no means a good person, he’s just not a hypocrite. He knows full well what he’s done is pretty terrible, but he doesn’t deny it or sugar coat it. However, he is extremely pissed how he alone was blamed while others got away scot free. Salem would promise him both freedom to conduct his experiments as well as promising the opportunity for revenge against his former superiors. This could lead to an angry confrontation with Professor Polendina down the line, tearing into his old teacher. Ultimately culminating in Watts telling him that for all his attempts to convince himself he was doing things for Atlas or the greater good, Polendina is no better if not worse than the ones who ordered the experiments.

I also a couple ideas for Watts involving Ironwood, Jacques, and Willow, but those didn’t tie into his motivations so I’ll save that for a backstory post.

Tyrian: Anarchy 

Of the four kingdoms, Vacuo is definitely the worst off. Shade Academy is literally the only form of order in the kingdom, with the rest as a harsh merciless desert. While it may be welcoming to those who can survive, who are the kind of people who would survive in such an environment? I get the feeling that we’d be seeing Raven’s philosophy ‘The weak die, the strong survive’ be taken to quite the extreme. While we certainly complain about our governments (when Donald Trump was elected, I felt the immense desire to beg the UK to take us back), they do provide certain things that keep our lives relatively stable.

And that’s where Tyrian comes on. Unlike the other three, I don’t think Tyrian needs an intricate backstory or compelling motivations. He’s just someone who wants destruction and death. Rather, it’s because of the lack of order that someone like Tyrian was able to live and grow so strong. Perhaps Salem reached out to him with the potential of stronger and more difficult opponents than he was used to. Over time, he would begin to view Salem with an amount of reverence given that she leads the Grimm and the Grimm are essentially made to kill and destroy.

Well, that’s it for this post. Now I’ve got a bunch of ideas, but no idea what I want to do next. If anyone has a request, I’d be willing to hear it. Hope to see you all again relatively soon.