#both options are beyond strange i HATE IT HERE

[lavender-romancer]

Fools

Part Five

Tommy Shelby x male reader

CW: internalised homophobia, sexual themes

You always felt that you were hiding or running from deep inside of you, this feeling that you weren't like other men around you. When you met Tommy it made sense but how could you explore these feelings?

AN: Tommy is not married to Lizzie and Ruby does not exist

”*°•.˜”*°•. ˜”*°•. ˜”*°••°*”˜.•°*”˜.•°*”˜.•°*”˜

previous part

It was raining again, the moon illuminating every droplet on the windows of Tommy's office. It cast a curious blue tinge to the room and only seemed to further represent his melancholic existence. Tommy lay on the floor of his office looking disheveled with huge bags underneath his eyes. He hadn't slept since being with you at that hotel because, it felt like as soon as he woke up he'd be a new person who would reject you and your love. It may have been irrational but it was also based so deeply in a never ending fear that he couldn't bear to face. Waking up and becoming a more heartless bastard than the day before sounded perfectly normal. But whenever he thought about your touch; the way your hair tapered around your ears or the fact that he was more and more convinced that he was in love with you, he couldn't fall asleep. It signified a severing of a cord, a destruction that he couldn't be party to even if it was the correct thing to do. The moment he fell asleep, he woke up a new man who could never allow himself to be in love with you.

When Tommy closed his eyes his mind was full of fantasies that could never be realised. Tommy had always been bold, he met you at a fucking fairie bar for god sake, but taking this any further felt wholly irresponsible. What could you do? Both get married to women and secretly fuck on the side? Was that a relationship? As he lay there in the dark on the cold hardwood floor with a bottle of whiskey next to him, Tommy had to consider what he was waiting for.

All this rage and sadness had been building up in him for a while and all he wanted was to fester in the rot it had created. Tommy wanted to fucking hate you, call you a 'bohemian' and move on with his life without you. But your light brought him out of the rot, it made him feel safe and loved and important beyond where he ever thought it could. As he considered all his options Tommy had to think of losing the strange fucked up connection you had. It made his body feel cold, as if he was on the slab and about to be cut into, what was the point of all of the life he had left to live if he was drowning? His own self doubt was pulling him deeper and deeper under the water, it would snake around his ankle to root him in place. So complacent in his own self sabotage that he allowed himself to think he could love you.

There was a sudden banging at the front door to the offices and Tommy sighed, at this point he would take an armed gunman over this fucking mess. Almost too nonchalantly he picked up his handgun and checked it was loaded before heading towards the door.

“Tommy! I need to talk to you. Your car's still here so I know you're in there!” You yelled as you rapped on the door. The unexpected downpour soaking you and your bag through as you shivered on the doorstep to his office. Silently you cursed yourself for forgetting a hat.

“Why are you here?” Tommy asked through the door and in an annoying sense you had to ask yourself the same question. But no, you needed to talk about this.

“I need to talk to you, I'm private. It's fucking pissing it down please let me in.” Your voice was regrettably pathetic but you did feel like a wet rat and had nowhere to stay.

As the door opened your throat grew dry even as the rain peppered your face with droplets, your hair soaked through and hanging over your forehead haphazardly. He looked beautiful as always but perhaps not at peace. There was a darkness to his eyes as he opened the door and then walked back into the building not seeming to spare you a look. You took a deep breath and pushed your hair back before following him inside.

The click of the lock seemed to bring Tommy out of whatever trance he was in, he turned around and ran a hand down his face before thrusting it into his pocket. The two of you looked at each other for a moment before you placed down your bag and shifted awkwardly between your shoes.

“Why did you come?” His voice was strained and it felt as if he might let out a sob at any moment.

“I was staying at a friend's.” Was all you said because your throat wouldn't let you get out any more words before you coughed.

“Fuck me, came back all this way with that groundbreaking news?” Tommy glanced at you with a sad smile.

“I know, Tommy.” It felt so simple in those three words, you still hadn't decided how you felt about it all but you needed to see that recognition in his eyes. But all he did was slowly walk into his office leaving the door ajar for you.

“What have you magically figured out then?” Tommy asked with his back to you, pouring two whiskey’s as you closed his office door behind you and leant against it.

“Do you know a woman named Mae Carlton?” You anxiously fiddled with your coat buttons.

“She trained my horse.” Tommy replied and you couldn't help but notice how he answered all too quickly as if he had been anticipating the question.

“And that's all, eh?” You picked up one of the whiskeys before sitting in one of the leather armchairs facing Tommy's desk.

“What were you expecting me to say?” He turned towards you but could only hold your gaze for so long before he too turned to sit in the armchair parallel to yours. Your heart sank and your eyes felt somewhat watery but at the very least you got an answer, even with it's vague nature it was easy enough to read Thomas when he wasn't trying to hide his emotions.

“You must have known that we knew one another.” Looking towards him he sighed.

“Not at the start, the way I met you was so uncalculated, same with Mae. But, in time I realised quite quickly.” There seemed to be a thread of shame that ran through Tommy's words as he admitted them.

“And you chose to continue fucking the two of us without any communication? If you realised quite quickly why in God's name didn't you stop?” Taking a long sip of your whiskey you craved the cold rain patterning your face with forgiving droplets. The constant tapping down the window felt like a metronome counting down the moments until this all ended. The silence truly was awful, there was a strange ringing sound in your ears as the silence stretched on and you refused to break it.

“I couldn't stop. Not if I wanted to stay sane anyways. If I stopped seeing you I would lose my mind in despair and, if I stopped seeing Mae I would lose any hope of feeling like a real man.” Tommy held the scotch glass on his leg and looked up at the ceiling again. Your chest ached with the heavy weight of shame placed upon it years ago by your own identity. It had never felt like it could or would ever go away

“Why don't you care?” You paused looking expectantly at Tommy even though you knew there was nothing he could say. “Why am I still here?”

“You know, in the back of my mind I've killed you. I've got to the point where this is all too much and I can't bring myself to look at you without feeling shame.” Tommy turned his head to face you as he gripped his whiskey glass much too tight and his eyes welled up.

“I might be your shame but I know that I'm also the only real joy you've felt. We all know, every man that lives our existence knows there's hardly any chances we get.” You pulled out your cigarette case and lit one before breathing out smoke in his direction.

“You want to talk about fucking joy? What about the neverending shame I feel when we're apart? How, I know we’re on borrowed time at best and that one of these days it's going to have to end? You have no right to bring up the struggle of men like us when we have no right to be this way!” Tommy exclaimed, standing up and walking to the window.

“You're so terrified of what you are that you'll push away any thought of happiness no matter how momentary! You seriously expect me to believe that your own self importance is what stands in the way of you accepting that someone cares for you? Truly cares for you on a level that no woman ever could.” You stayed sitting, concerned that approaching him would be akin to cornering a scared dog who would lash out.

“Self importance? Its self preservation! How am I a man if I'm more concerned with my own fucking feelings than what's right?” He turned around, finished his whisky and returned to the leather armchair to pour another.

“We're past what's right. Maybe I'm a fool for chasing someone, pretending that they love me because it's all that will keep me sane but I know it's not in my head. When you look in the mirror do you ever acknowledge what you are? That you love a man and you'll never love a woman no matter how hard you try, no matter how many you fuck.” Some of what you said felt marginally vindictive but you couldn't cope with the lies. He wanted to act as if nothing had happened, that you were business partners and nothing more. That he hadn't cried in your arms after such a vulnerable moment, that he hadn't bared his soul to you.

“You act like you know me inside and out, that through all this crazy shit we've got to know each other's history or anything of substance. But we've just been fucking, plain and simple.” His eyes were full of tears with none of them falling, he sniffed and lit up a cigarette. Leaving you sitting there with a sinking feeling, you knew he was lying that was obvious enough but did he really want to push you away so badly?

“I can't fix your hurt, I can't sort everything out but Jesus, I can't get you out of my mind. I tried, Tommy. I've been trying this whole time to understand why you push me away so viciously. But I don't understand the point? You fuck Mae to feel like a man, say that you'll go insane if you're not with me but call it all just a fuck? No matter how much you mince your words and try to hurt me I know it's all a facade. In reality you're a person who's terrified of being too much for me, or for any man.” You sat up on your chair, blowing smoke in his direction. Your eyes steeled in his direction as you prepared for the onslaught of insults.

“I beg you to tell me the fucking point. If I hate you, if I love you. It's all the same outcome because this can't go on forever. No matter how deluded you are, we cannot be with each other.” Tommy looked as if he would stare right into your soul and through you. You took a deep breath and braced yourself to leave

“I wish I could be yours but fuck, you're not even comfortable enough in yourself to accept that living a lie will make you happier than fucking a woman in a loveless marriage. Men like us are used to shame, our existence is shameful but I know you won't be able to leave it behind. Maybe it won't be me,” standing up you walked over to Tommy and took his jaw in your hand. “But I know that the rays of divinity you feel when another man holds your cock is too much to resist.” Dropping his jaw, you picked up your suitcase. Turning to walk out of that room and away from Tommy forever but, he caught your hand.

“Take it off,” he whispered as he started hurriedly pulling at your blazer. You looked at him for a second as he began undressing you, considering your options.

“What do you want, Tommy?” You took hold of his jaw again and slid your hand down to his neck before placing your suitcase down on the floor.

“You, please.” He closed his eyes and you let go of his neck as he sank to his knees.

Tommy scrabbled at your trousers buttons, suddenly clumsy and anxious with a level of submission you didn't expect. As he looked up at you, you were convinced you could die right there with this man below you. The pseudo control you had over this situation was tempting, Tommy stopped you from leaving, he initiated this interaction. But he let you believe you were in control, Thomas Shelby was many things but giving up control was not in his repertoire.

“You're so beautiful.” He whispered as he came up for air, panting slightly. But all you did was smirk before pushing him back onto you, holding his head there for a moment before letting go. The string of spit that started at his mouth and ended at your cock made the image all the more enticing.

It wasn't long before you came, Tommy swallowed and wiped his mouth much like you had not too long ago. The two of you stared at one another for a moment, hands slowly linking down at your sides as you considered leaving one another. It didn't feel possible in your mind, he was a fucking mess, you were a liability, but what was this if not love? The pain of considering leaving Tommy was enough to bring tears to your eyes, even after being so ridiculously vulnerable with one another.

“I can wait for you.” You said quietly as your foreheads pressed together.

“You shouldn't have too.” Tommy whispered as he gripped your hands tighter, his body beginning to shake.

“But I will. Thomas, I- there is no point in my life where I will not want you. You would haunt me, the love I could never have but I wanted with every fiber of my being. I can't say goodbye. I won't say goodbye I can't…” a stray tear blurred your vision and Tommy kissed your hand still clasped in his.

“I don't know what to do with any of this, with the shame or the worry or any of this shit.” His usual precise thought process wasn't reflected in the jumbled mess of that sentence but his stress certainly was. Could he love you as you love him?

“We can be with one another at this moment for a while. Just tell me you love me and that everything will be okay.” Your voice was so small you were scared he wouldn't hear the emotion in your voice. But Tommy lifted up your jaw so incredibly softly, staring at you with equally teary eyes.

“I love you.” He breathed and you pulled him so close and tight to you that you feared you might fuse together. Turn into one soul and never have to worry about being separated from one another again.

“I love you.” You whispered close to his ear before closing your eyes and praying for a better tommorow.

Peaky blinders taglist:

@queenofkings1212 @severewobblerlightdragon @fairypitou @stressedandbandobessed7771 @shadow-of-wonder @hipsternoionlylikeunicorns @curled-hair-red-lips @lucystivinsky1315

Series taglist:

@denzellovehazelnuts @edgyboi10000 @strnqer @flynnr2d2 @zablife

[captainsophiestark]

Corn Maze

Bones McCoy x Reader

Masterlist - Join My Taglist!

Written for my personal fic writing challenge for 2024, Sophie's Year of Fic! Featuring a new fic being posted every Friday, all year long :)

Fandom: Star Trek

Summary: Y/N's best friend dragged her into a corn maze at the local harvest festival to celebrate finishing their last round of Starfleet exams. She quickly losesher friend in the maze, but luckily, she's not the only one with a friend who drags her into ridiculous situations.

Word Count: 1,772

Category: Fluff, Humor

Putting work into an AI program without permission is illegal. You do not have my permission. Do not do it.

"Why did I let my friends convince me this was a good idea?" I mumbled, rubbing my arms to try to stay warm. The sun had set while I was trapped in the corn maze, and now it was getting a little too cold for comfort.

I wandered a few more steps through the maze, looking for any sign of my friends or an exit. Nothing.

Why did I let them talk me into this? Worse, why did I agree to split up?

I never realized before, but corn took on an eerie quality in the dark. The stalks rustled slightly in the breeze, and I felt goosebumps run up my spine. It felt like someone else was there with me, just beyond the next row of corn...

Cautiously, hating every minute of it, I tip toed towards the next corner in the maze. I tried to settle my nerves, but when I turned the corner I came face to face with a strange, shadowy man.

"AH!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, jumping back and flailing my arms out in front of me.

"Ah! Dammit!" yelled the man, also jumping back and clutching his heart. I heard him grumble something under his breath that sounded like "I'm gonna kill Jim."

"Who are you?" I demanded, getting my wits back. I stayed tense, ready to take off running at a moment's notice.

"Name's McCoy, but you can call me Bones," he said, straightening up and looking me up and down. "Who're you?"

"Y/F/N Y/L/N. Why are you out in a corn maze after dark?"

"Ladies first," said Bones, crossing his arms and giving me an expectant stare. I squinted at him, trying to weigh my options. If he was some murderer out here, he probably would've tried to kill me already, right?

I sighed, giving in. "My friends and I are about to graduate from Star Fleet Academy. Since tests and everything are finally over, we decided to take the weekend to celebrate. They thought the corn maze looked fun, I got dragged along, we got separated, and now I'm here."

Bones scoffed. "That sounds familiar."

"Same thing happen to you?"

"Just about, except we've been out of the academy for a couple years now. Somehow he still manages to make me do stupid things like this."

"Yeah, I have a couple friends like that. I can already see them dragging me into the same stuff even five years from now."

Bones chuckled and shook his head, then looked back at me.

"Well, since we're both out of our element here, we might as well be in this together. Which way should we try now?" he asked.

"I came from one way, you came from the other. We're both still here, so there's only one option left," I said, pointing to the path ahead of us.

"I guess that makes as much sense as anything else."

We started walking, neither of us saying a word. It was pretty awkward, and I almost preferred the dark creepy corn maze silence. After a few more steps without a word, I decided to speak up and try to make things a little less tense.

"So, you're in Starfleet?" I asked.

"Yup. I regret it a lot some days, but I'm still here."

"What's your position?"

"I'm the CMO of the Enterprise."

I stuttered a step when he said that. Not only was he the Chief Medical Officer, which was incredibly impressive for someone his age, but he was the Chief Medical Officer of the Enterprise, the best ship in the fleet!

"Wait, seriously?" I asked, walking a little faster to catch back up to him. "That's amazing! The Enterprise is my dream placement. What is that even like?"

"You ever been hung over?"

Not the response I was expecting, I'll admit. Still, I tried to roll with it.

"Uh... once or twice."

"Imagine the worst hangover you've ever had, and then imagine that times three. That's what being the CMO of the Enterprise is like."

"Damn. You know, you sound pretty cranky and jaded for someone your age."

Bones sighed and looked up at the sky as we walked. He didn't say anything for a minute, but when he finally did, he sounded incredibly tired.

"I don't like space. The only reason I went up there in the first place was to get away from things here."

I hummed. "Fair enough, I guess. But is it really worth staying if there's nothing you like about it?"

He was silent for another long stretch, then finally, he spoke without looking at me.

"Space is dangerous and stupid. It's a true fact. But... there are worse things than living through the ridiculous nonsense I've lived through with the people on that ship. Sometimes it's even interesting."

I smiled to myself. I was starting to get a read on Bones, and he seemed to have a much softer center than he wanted to let on.

After a moment, he quickly cleared his throat.

"Besides, it's not like I have much choice. Those idiots wouldn't have survived half this long if they didn't have me."

I grinned. "Well, assuming my test scores are what I'm hoping they'll be, I can't wait to be one of those idiots in a few weeks."

Bones snorted and cut his eyes towards me. I just kept grinning at him, and after a minute, he sighed.

"Get us out of this corn maze, and then I'll decide how I feel about you becoming one of those idiots."

"Deal."

The task of wandering around in the maze became easier, if only because I now got to do it with someone else I liked instead of being cold and lost in the dark by myself. The two of us chatted as we walked, first about plans for escape but that quickly turned into talk about other things, from favorite animals to academy stories and everything else in between.

Slowly, Bones started to warm up to me, and I felt the same. I even managed to get a few smiles out of him, and I found my heart skipping a beat or two each time I did. It got to the point that I wasn't sure how quickly I wanted to find the exit anymore.

Still, we couldn't just wander the maze forever. Working together, we eventually managed to find some of the more worn paths of the maze, and it wasn't long before we turned a corner and found the exit.

I grinned, stopping short instead of walking straight out of the maze. Bones apparently took the cue, and he stopped too, turning to me with one eyebrow raised.

"I just wanted to say, before we go out there... this was fun. I'll never admit it to my friend, which is part of why I stopped before we got out there, but... I'm glad I got lost in a corn maze with you. And I hope we get to work together on the Enterprise."

Bones sighed, long and heavy, then finally looked back at me. After a moment, just when I'd started to get nervous, the corner of his mouth tweaked up into a smile.

"I'll never admit this to anyone again, so don't expect me to repeat it. But I might've had fun with you too. And I'd definitely like to see you on the Enterprise."

I grinned at him, and he shared a smile of his own briefly before turning back towards the exit of the maze. It was dark, so I couldn't be sure, but I thought I noticed a faint blush on the back of his neck, too.

We stepped past the final row of corn and were greeted by smiling faces. One I recognized as my best friend, and the other I recognized as none other than the Captain of the USS Enterprise. Apparently he was the idiot friend Bones had been talking about, and I honestly couldn't tell how I felt about that.

"Bones! You made it out! And you met a friend."

Captain James T. Kirk fixed me with the most sly, knowing grin of all time as he held his hand out to me for a handshake.

"Jim. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"...You too," I said. I couldn't help feeling a little starstruck, but the bubble popped a second later when Bones smacked him on the back of the head. I laughed, and any remaining tension faded as my friend joined us and introduced herself to Bones.

"So, your friend said you're hoping to join the crew of the Enterprise," said Jim, the beaming smile back on his face post-smack. I nodded.

"It's my dream posting, like most of the rest of the academy. Hopefully all that awful studying and test-taking will be worth it."

"It wasn't for me. But luckily, I have a good CMO and friend to help me when I need it."

Bones huffed and rolled his eyes, but I could see a smile fighting to break out on his face all the same.

"Well, since we've done everything here, we were planning to go get a late dinner somewhere," my friend said. "Do you two want to join us?"

Jim and Bones shared a look, and I took the distraction to whip around and look at my friend with wide eyes. She just grinned, nodding in Bones and Jim's direction to make sure I knew she knew exactly what she was doing. I just sighed.

"We'd love to," said Jim. "I even know a great place not far from here."

"Perfect."

The four of us started walking, Bones and I falling slightly behind our friends and walking side by side. I bumped him lightly with my shoulder and fixed him with a smile.

"So... the friends that ditched us are definitely paying for dinner, right?"

Bones laughed, and butterflies exploded in my chest at the sound. It didn't last long, but it was a real, full laugh, not a huff or a scoff, and I knew I wanted to hear that sound as many more times as I possibly could.

"Definitely. I might be glad I met you, but they didn't know that would happen, so they get no credit for it."

"Exactly."

We shared a smile, and then the two of us fell into comfortable silence, smiles still on our faces, as we followed our friends into our own brave new world.

****************

Everything Taglist: @rosecentury @kmc1989 @space-helen

[electricbluebutterflies]

Hi! I love your george/bertha one shots on AO3! It always makes my day when I see you’ve posted one (I like to read at bedtime so I go to sleep with a smile on my face).

Here’s a prompt for another one if you’re up for it!

“Could have been anyone… but it was you.”

PG-ish / yay fade-to-black moment and also on ao3.

If nothing else, Bertha is practical. The goals she had set for herself required another person meeting a few specific characteristics, but beyond them…

Circumstances as they are, she is still delighted by where her plans have led her, and still not quite sure she did anything to deserve the life now beneath her fingertips. It has all been too easy and too sweet, and she knows just enough of the world to wonder when the other shoe will drop, and-

Let it not be soon, she begs whatever may be listening to her desires. Let her enjoy this first.

She is not a romantic, and yet she is in love; she has always seen marriage as a means to an end, if done right a way out of a life she did not want, and perhaps she is too hopeful only a month into forever but it is already something more, and-

Never in her wildest dreams did she realistically think she would enjoy conversations with a husband, would want someone else’s presence so close so much, but she picked that one out of all her options and-

A year ago, she thinks, a year ago when she talked her way into yet another invitation given out of pity to a too-ambitious girl who only had one good dress, there was no way of knowing-

Everything she wants is hers, she thinks as she hears a soft knock on her bedroom door. This is how all of her days end now, with presence if not anything else, planned time to tie up whatever loose threads were pulled in passing earlier and the idea of living a more separate life from this man is unthinkable and-

There must be something concerning in her expression. She learned the warmth of him first, but also the devotion, also the absolute commitment and she knows he had other options and she still wonders why-

“Sit with me,” she says before this can get strange. Her perch on the edge of her bed may indicate desire, but it is also easier for more innocent activities than… oh, someday she is going to have a bigger space and more furniture and a decent sofa to be held on and-

He does, and he takes the hint and pulls her into his arms, and she feels a certain kind of vulnerable that she wants to hate and can’t. If this truly becomes her safe place, if she lets herself bloom deliberately as part of a set, if she rethinks her plans and adapts even better…

“What are you thinking right now?”

“How lucky I am. I want what I want, and that could’ve been with anyone, but… it was you.”

She knows all the petty gossip they caused – less than some of her other schemes would’ve, she reminds herself, but still. At least they are close in age, at least they met in an acceptably explainable way, at least he has treated her impeccably both before and after and-

“You do give the strangest compliments,” he murmurs, and there is delight in his voice all the same, and he kisses the side of her face, and-

She turns to take a more proper kiss, and she’s learned she likes doing this now that she can whenever she wants. She feels her body spark almost immediately, and she is still figuring out how much she can start but she wants, and-

“You make me unspeakably happy. Is that really that strange?”

More kisses follow, and if their current position becomes ideal as hands start to wander…

Let her have this, she thinks as she is made warm. Let her always have everything.

[shini--chan]

The reader mumbles about how she wished to be an human like.

Don't you wish sometimes you would be an human? I mean they live an normal life marry someday, have kids and die together and the end. And we live so long now, I hate it, my past lovers are now all dead.

A bit of a strange ask, but nevertheless interesting. I’ll be taking England for this one, since the grumpy rat wouldn’t take it well.

Warnings for suicidal ideation, mind break and other shady stuff

Yandere England – Shatter

Arthur stared at you. You had been strangely lethargic lately, dragging your feet do matter how much he snapped at you to walk properly, eyes drooping and smile seeming even more strained than usual. There was something dead to your gaze, a light that had been snuffed out, something that went beyond dissociation.

You didn’t want to be here but that was something both of you had come to ignore over time. Thus, a peculiar insanity had made itself comfortable, where the two of you would pretend that this relationship was normal. It was surely better that the alternative, than the cursing and the crying, the blood on the floor and chains on the bed post. Though, playing pretend had only let the wounds fester and this was the culmination of it.

“Have you ever considered being mortal?”, you asked out of the blue one evening, when the lights were already out and he had tucked himself in bed. You were standing at the foot of the bed, night shirt and scraggly hair making you look like a creature out of a horror movie.

(You hadn’t brushed your hair again. How dare you! You were supposed to take care of yourself, make yourself pretty and presentable for him. He had spent countless hours drilling the rules of conduct into your inferior little skull and by the looks of it, it seemed like everything had gone in one ear and then directly out the other. This needed correcting. Perhaps...)

“No, now stopped muttering gibberish and come to bed”, he commanded. That was a lie. He had often stared at humans, or transients, as he liked to call them, and wondered how it would be like to live such a wretched, short live. Looking back on history, only the fewest of those mayflies really amounted to something. So it was more out of morbid curiosity and pity that England entertained the idea of being a human. But he didn’t want to talk about that with you, especially since you didn’t seem to be in the right state of mind.

However, you persisted on following that dangerous train of thought.

“Don't you wish sometimes you would be a human? I mean they live a normal life marry someday, have kids and die together and the end. And we live so long now, I hate it, my past lovers are now all dead.”

This just kept getting weirder and weirder. Personifications didn’t yearn to have children, because children meant succession and succession meant death. Marriage wasn’t the giddy affair it usual was for humans, because it was either a political alliance that would one day dissolve into war or a mean of establishing control, of colonialism, that ended in blood and vows of vengeance if it ended at all.

You wanted to die. No responsible personification yearned for death. They all lived to be eternal, to strive on and on and on until there was no history and no future, only they.

“You’ve gone insane. Do you hate me that much?”, he ask, slowly clambering out of bed, cautiously opening one of the drawers to his cabinet. There was chloroform somewhere here.

“I’m simply tired of all this. Is it so bad for me to want it to end?”, you asked in a voice that was far to high and with a giggle that sounded like nails scrapping down a chalk board. His fears were confirmed.

Arthur wouldn’t take it well at all. He would think that you would just want to leave him, seeing death as the only option since he had quelled every rebellion, and thwarted every escape attempt. This would probably happen after one of the aforementioned incidents, where your dashed hopes would make world weariness creep upon you big time. How couldn’t you not want all of this to end, when all the days melted together until there was no future or the past, only a miserable present where you had to bow to all the whims of a possessive madman? When no matter how fast you ran, you just seemed to stay on the same spot?

England would seek to eradicate that “rebellious” train of thought as fast as he could. It would necessarily be through words of comfort, but rather mind games, and psychological manipulation and torture. He would very likely make your mental state even worse, but if you would shut up about dying and rebelling then he would be a happy man.

[funky-fox-fics]

A/N: you didn't include a prompt with your proof, so I chose a meta fic on the poll itself as a catfight.

“And now…” calls the announcer, raising a hand— “Nefarious Anglerfish versus Jellie!”

Jellie crouches in the arena, stares at this Anglerfish, and her neck fur prickles. The Anglerfish is a tottering things, trapped in a box, its tail hanging over its head limply. Its fur is white and smooth and its eyes are dark and wide. It stares at her, takes a step forward. Jellie steps back, stumbles, hisses deep in her throat. Something is wrong with this cat. Something is wrong here. 

She remembers the other cats she’s killed to get here—two others, both gingers. She remembers taking them down, going for the neck, tearing them apart with sharp teeth. Her tail lashes, whip-quick and frantic. Jellie tries to meet the Anglerfish’s eyes, and it does not focus on her. Its box wobbles on soft legs that look like cat trees.

Somewhere, beyond her, the audience is booing her. They cheer on the Anglerfish, scorn her for her owner—scorn her for her father—scorn her for her lightness, the way she holds herself as a queen, the way her paws flicker into blocks if she concentrates. They scorn her father for something he is not, something he has never been, something that someone he has never met has done, and they think themselves right—and at her scorning, the Anglerfish strengthens and senses her weakness.

Jellie meows, low and long, glances quick-sharp around. Her ears flatten against her skull. She dodges a swipe, clumsy and blunt, and it strikes a shallow scratch on her flank. She nearly launches herself at the Anglerfish, and then decides firmly against it. She has nowhere to bite, not with this strange Anglerfish—not even a cat! Not even a cat! This beast is neither cat nor robot, but a fish, and Jellie—she reigns over Scarland and the Diamond Throne, and she is losing to this Anglerfish.

Somewhere, beyond her, she hears a cheer for her.

She pricks her ears, and—there! A member of the audience brings more who love her, who enjoy her, who know who she is. And they bring more, and they cheer her on—oh, the Anglerfish’s criers are strong, but they offer all they can to bribe the indecisive, and she lifts her head and bathes in the praise.

A lunge from the Anglerfish throws her off, and she gets up, tail whipping, spitting fury. The Anglerfish seems indifferent, impassive. She will live forever in every world she enters, while this Anglerfish is but a passing moment, a mechanical construct that ebbs in time. And she is more than a memory. She is more than a contestant in a ring, watched by an audience that hates and loves her both—somewhere, someone offers their writing up, somewhere someone offers a doodle, both for her, none for the Anglerfish, she digs her claws into the stone below and fluffs up her fur and snarls.

The Anglerfish finally lets out a low, moaning noise, like a cow, like indigestion. Jellie steps back, steps to the side, circles the enemy. She glimpses a scoreboard, two options, and two faint images—one of herself, one of the Anglerfish.

(She remembers—cold-dark-black. She remembers—waking in another arena, with a soft ginger tom staring her down—its fur spiked along its back, its eyes glowing yellow. She remembers—hearing them cry, hearing them sing, hearing them shout. She remembers—taking her claws and bringing them down and tearing and killing and falling back. She remembers dying. She remembers reviving. She remembers dying again, and being brought back against this monstrosity, and she remembers raising her head and howling triumph to those who would listen. 

She does not remember this crowd.)

The audience meets her eyes, in all their chaotic cheering. She can hardly hear the Anglerfish’s criers, or perhaps that is her indulging her ego. The arena flickers with danger, and Jellie’s heart beats a-thump a-thump a-thump in her chest. The Anglerfish staggers toward her, and she leaps out of the way with the swiftness of a deer.

How did it get this far? Perhaps by its weight—she knows that if she manages to get herself caught under that box, she will be crushed by it, Perhaps its tail lit and entranced a few polls ago—if she squints, she can still see a faint pulsing glow, like a heartbeat, like a glow squid—but even if it does work now, it does not work on her, survivor of the Turf and the Life Series and the Buttercup wars. It does not work on her, she who has all this song of love in her ears.

(Beyond her, the crowd chants her name—beyond her, her fans hope desperately—beyond her, the crowd erupts in discordant clamor.)

She bats at the soft carpet that lines the Anglerfish’s box, and she tears out some. Then more comes, her claws shredding the soft, ripping it away. Her startled meows rise to a triumphant screech, and she takes to the Anglerfish as she does any other task—in vibrant bursts and sharp claws and a bloodthirsty yowl in her throat. 

For Scar, she thinks, and remembers her death—and then, with a shriek, she dives into this final competition, bloody and desperate and biting.

She will not disappoint.

[wrongcaitlyn]

about your series dear reader, will we ever get to see Nico having a collab or featured song in the future... heehe... love your work btw

thank u for the ask!! and thank u for reading i’m so glad you like it <3 i’ve actually thought abt this quite a bit!! the thing with collabs, is that either i could use an irl celebrity, or i could make a character a celebrity and make them work with nico—so here are my thoughts on both options:

1) a real celebrity - i try to stay away from involving real life people in the fic, as in interactions, because i don’t know any of those people irl and i would hate to, like, mischaracterize someone or write positively abt someone who eventually gets revealed to be like a shitty person, yk? the most i’ve ever done, i think, is that one time i mentioned nico taking a picture with lorde - but even then, it wasn’t him talking abt her, it was just a picture that was posted. that, and the absurd amount of taylor swift name drops that i have, which i will never stop😭

basically, though i have considered it (my mind is literally CONSTANTLY imagine collabs of nico and other celebs/other songs), i literally have a playlist of them, i don’t think i would ever include it in the fic. simply bc of the concerns mentioned above :/

(however, i would like everyone to know that ive been imagining nico as a surprise guest on the rep tour, and having him featured on rep tv, for like- literally as long as ive had this au in my head. ill never write him collating with taylor (bc again idk i just feel strange writing abt real ppl) but in my head, it’s canon)

2) creating a new celeb - this one is hard, pretty much bc i’m… out of characters.

like, i still HAVE characters to use, but i already have plans for most of them and a majority of them aren’t actually part of the music industry. i could justify a collab between alex and nico bc she’s like the only music person i have written, but i also don’t wanna force that

if i ever do, which i doubt, bc i don’t have any plans to at the moment, it’ll be a pjo character, i just don’t have any idea of who that would be :/

oh and! last reason why i’m hesitant to add a collab - i feel like nico writing music is so engrained with him working with apollo as a producer, and their studio dynamic. obviously, it’s good to step out of your comfort zone, but i think that it’s also some sense of caution and comfort between them, that they’re the same people who will work on every nico di angelo song and album.

either way, i have seven albums outlined in total. the time span of greatest of luxuries goes from 2018-2024. that may be subject to change, but im feeling pretty confident abt it (it used to be 2028 btw😭) and anything PAST that time range is completely up to the reader!! i have lots of ideas of what could happen beyond that seventh album, and i have an idea (and a playlist) of the eighth album, but i can definitely imagine a lot of features in the future as he branches out. (and also him on rep tv. or ttpd. will update when ttpd comes out if i think there’s a specific song he’d slay as a feature on)

and lastly, for features. yes. he is on the hunger games tbosas soundtrack bc i say so‼️

(i imagine yellow flicker beat by lorde, even tho that was written for mockingjay, i just feel like it fits his vibe, but also, can’t catch me now works perfectly too)

[thessalian]

Thess vs Refugee Issues

So apparently they're going to be rounding up as many of the refugees in this country as they can find, in kind of blitz attacks, in preparation for sending them to Rwanda. Which ... I mean ... it feels like an exaggeration to say "this feels like some Nazi bullshit" in this day and age, but the scary thing is that it's not an exaggeration.

It's getting more complicated and worse, too, because of the whole thing with Ireland being in the EU and Northern Ireland ... not. Because some have taken the risk of trying to get around how shitty the UK is being about refugees in small boats by going a little further and going to Ireland. Ireland is now saying they're going to punt them over the border into Northern Ireland because "they're not our problem", and the UK is going, "Only on the understanding that they're getting sent right back to France; hey, why don't you send them right back to France, since you're both EU?" and ... it's all too fucking complicated but people are playing this massive game of NIMBY with people who just want to live somewhere that they speak the language and won't be persecuted.

Seeing the accommodations for refugees who are sent to Rwanda ... it worries me. On one hand, it sounds pretty sweet, but ... there are a couple of issues I'm having. One - where are they getting the money for this? From us, one would assume, given that it's the UK's stupid project, so why don't they build something similar here? So I don't entirely trust it. I also don't like what I see between the lines of "They can go wherever they like; we're not keeping them incarcerated or anything!" Yes, it sounsd good, but ... like ... I feel like given Rwanda's history? They seem to be setting the stage for refugees just ... disappearing and for them to be able to say, "Well, we haven't been keeping them prisoner or anything; we're not responsible!"

I think the worst part is that the whole set-up gives one of two options for how to proceed: "We will help you live in Rwanda, or we will help you go back to your home country". Neither of those options sounds very good. Rwanda is away from friends and family, and is a strange country where they're only welcome to a point because some other government gave that country money to be rid of them, might have to learn a new language (though English is one of the languages used in Rwanda, along with French, Swahili, and Kinyarwanda, so I guess it depends on how widely English is used). Alternatively ... why the fuck would they want to go back to their home country? They risked their lives to run from it because staying there was worse!

Meanwhile, more and more refugees are being created - Israel vs Pakistan, Iran vs Israel, gods know how many others (there's only so much news I can stomach, I admit) - and nobody seems to care beyond yelling "NOT IN MY BACK YARD!" every time these people who lost everything but their lives need a place to stay.

And this country? They're now talking about cutting down on the number of international students allowed to come here. They just ... really, really hate foreigners right now. And I know they probably don't mean me - not even so much because I'm white, because the Polish population of the UK got so much horrific shit thrown at them in the time around the Brexit referendum, but because I'm North American. People still ask "What part of the States are you from?" because I think they forgot Canada exists. Despite being part of their Commonwealth, which ... kind of grinds my gears, but anyway. Point is that none of that "They probably don't mean me" helps. First, I'm angry as hell that they mean anyone when they're talking about cruelty to people who were not born in this country. But also? When it's everyone who wasn't born here - the families of healthcare workers, university students, anyone who doesn't make enough money? It's hard to avoid the idea that they do mean me. Especially since I'm not cis, I'm not het, and I am not healthy and fully abled.

I try pretty hard to look on the bright side of things, or at least focus on the small joys of my life. The latter works better than the former. The "bright side of things" is getting smaller and smaller every day, and ... yeah.

[kayssweetdreams]

Prim and Proper Problems Bonus Chapter: The Worst First Day

The moment that the bus pulled up to Prim, Proper, Perfection, The girls finally began to stir from their strange and long slumber. The first thing that they noticed was Madame Prim giving them a strange, smug, stare. "Come along now. It's time for your first day." She said, as the girls slowly got their bearings.

Yuri and Kaylo slowly got out of the bus as they walked towards the doors of the large imposing school, anxiety in them. Unlike Timeville Public and The Barnum Naka School, There was nothing that made the girls calm down. The girls saw no color, heard no music, instead there was only the loud clicks of Madame Prim's shoes as they followed her down the halls of the school. When they reached her office, the two girls were given their schedules...and boy where they strange.

Yuri had received her classes (English, Advanced Beauty, Proper Playthings, Etiquette 101 and Language Arts) while Kaylo received hers ("Chemistry" Respectable Music, Etiquette 101, English, and Perfection Personified) and both girls were quickly sent off to them. As soon as they stepped foot in the classes, they immediately hated them

Yuri ended up getting bored about what a 'proper' girl should play with, and almost got her hands smacked when she DARED to try and investigate a small butterfly near a window, while Kaylo had been forced to play a very long and very elaborate song on a harp that ended up lulling her to sleep...and it resulted in her getting her knocked off the stool.

By the time lunch rolled around, both girls were exhausted beyond belief. "I don't know how much more of this I can take..." Yuri whimpered "I'm starting to think that Juvie was a better option." She said as she and Kaylo got their lunches...and they were very small portions of food. The two of them took a small bite from the small meal...and found that they had absolutely no taste whatsoever.

The two of them struggled to try and swallow it, as it was the equivalent of eating that horrible stuff you got in cavity fillings. When they finally DID get it to go down, they paled "We're never going to last a month are we..." Kaylo said, her eye twitching. Yuri shivered "I miss your aunts cupcakes. At least those were edible..." she said. Kaylo gave a small smile. "I actually have one on me, we can split it." She said, revealing a small chocolate cupcakes with pink icing.

The girls smiled and cut it in half, but before they could even take a bite, they heard a all too familiar voice. "What on earth are you eating?!" Yuri's eyes widened and Kaylo suppressed a groan. That same trio of girls had come back...and they were staring at the small cupcake. "Something actually edible in this place." Kaylo retorted as she and Yuri lifted up the cupcakes to bite. However, before she could even get a single bite, she felt something swat it out of her hands and onto the ground.

"Sweets aren't permitted here. Are you trying to become as fat as a whale?" She heard the girl state. Kaylo's neon pink eyes twitched angrily. "If anything you should be thanking Madame Prim, and Me." He heard her say. That however was a very bad thing...because something that made Kaylo angry was getting between her and Sweets.

In her anger, she loudly slammed a hand on the table and her eyes flashed into The girl's face "NOW YOU SEE HERE YOU LITTLE-" What then happened was a very long, and very angry tirade from Kaylo, with more swears than a sailor could ever dream of saying. The entire cafeteria looked on in pure horror "-AND IT'S ALSO YOUR FAULT THAT WE'RE EVEN IN THIS STUPID SCHOOL!! IF NOT FOR YOU AND THAT HAG NAMED MADAME PRIM!!!" She finished.

The entire cafeteria looked on in silence after Kaylo finished her raging tirade. Even Yuri was in shock at the pink haired girl. However, a familiar clicking caught their attention. "What on earth is going on in here?!" Madame Prim asked with the upmost authority. A orderly whispered the entire ordeal to Madame Prim who gasped in horror. Her eyes then narrowed at the girls.

"Bring them along. It's time to get a well deserved Disciplining." She said. The orderlies grabbed Yuri and Kaylo as their protests and yells echoed through the halls...and they became the newest model students of Prim, Proper, Perfection...

[razieltwelve]

Conflict Resolution (Final Rose AU)

In the Averia x Yang AU.

X X X

"We can't keep doing this," Yang murmured drowsily.

Averia ran a hand down Yang's back, prompting a shiver from the blonde. "It's your fault this keeps happening."

Yang huffed. "How is this my fault?"

They were on top of the remains of their dining table. The less said about the state of the kitchen, the better, and they would definitely need a new coffee table in the living room too.

"Because whenever we get into an argument, you just have to keep pushing. You hate losing, even when it's obvious you can't win." Averia sighed. "And you really can't stop yourself from trying to provoke me."

Yang snuggled closer. "You were the one who threw me onto the dining table."

"Because you grabbed me by the scruff of my shirt and basically dared me to either fuck you or punch you in the face." Averia sighed. "And since I happen to quite like your face, that left me with only one option."

Bits of clothing were also scattered around the room. They would normally have been beyond salvation, but Saviour had its name for a reason. The power of Saviour bullshit could reverse the damage and restore them to pristine condition.

Her mother had reminded her of that not long after Averia and Yang had started dating. Averia had wisely chosen not to pry about why her mother was so proficient in fixing destroyed clothing.

Averia wasn't going to complain. Yang looked absolutely magnificent in lingerie, and she had no qualms whatsoever about making sure the blonde wore only the very best. Yang had always found it amusing that Averia was willing to spend so much money on lingerie for her, but what else was Averia going to spend her money on? Besides, seeing Yang in that sort of lingerie was more than worth it.

"You could have chosen not to respond," Yang replied.

"Yang, we both know that not responding was never an option."

Averia had a fairly straightforward personality, and she wasn't the sort of person to back down from a fight. Yang was much the same, but their arguments had always teetered on a strange sort of edge. Before they'd gotten together, there had been a hint of violence to those exchanges. Afterward? That aggression had shifted into something else.

"You could just admit I was right." Yang sighed contentedly. Averia made for a wonderful pillow.

"Why would I? Saviour-based analysis tells me when I'm right and when I'm wrong, and I was absolutely right this time."

"I call bullshit," Yang said. "You can't just bring up Saviour whenever you want to win an argument."

"I will be happy to provide you with a thorough explanation of why I was right later. If you want, I can even let you talk to the mini-Dianas in charge of making sure I'm right."

"You have mini-Dianas for that?" Yang was in disbelief. "Really?"

"Of course, I do."

"Yeah, yeah." Yang yawned. "Are you going to be okay if we just sleep here like this?"

"I'll be fine." Averia's lips twitched. "Saviour bullshit."

"Why am I not surprised? It can win arguments, optimise sex, and let you sleep on broken furniture. What can't it do?"

"Basically nothing. That's why everyone calls it bullshit."

[gogopierogi]

Light of Destiny

The Lost Ark brain-rot continues to hit hard and fast, so here’s some speculation about the adventurer and the nature of their powers. This post contains spoilers for Nineveh’s rapport quest and the Elgacia storyline. I kind of hate writing so much spoiler heavy stuff, but writing meta and speculative content for this game requires spoiling yourself. It’s stinks, but what can you do?

In game’s prologue, the adventurer discovers a scroll in Trua containing a prophecy referring the light of destiny:

Spoilers below the cut.

I originally assumed this was just one of many titles bestowed upon the adventurer. However, the adventurer is almost never referred to this way anywhere else (from what I can remember, anyway). They’re usually called the Chosen One or the Ark Inheritor. For a long time the only character to mention the light of destiny again is Nineveh (again, from what I can remember), and it’s NOT in reference to the adventurer.

During one of her rapport quests, she expresses hope the light of destiny is still on their side:

Her rapport questline ends with her and adventurer vowing to find this brightest of lights:

It sounds like the light of destiny is a great power, possibly independent of the Arks, and doesn’t refer to the adventurer. 

Expect during the Elgacia storyline, Procyon, the creator god of the Lazenith, appears in the form of a giant to bird to save our bacon. While soaring through the air he says “The light of destiny reached the end of the world. The time of promise has come.”

He looks right at the adventurer so it’s clear who Procyon is referring to:

It’s also interesting to note the prophecy in Trua is read in Allegro’s voice. When Procyon appears, we also hear Allegro’s voice. This is a plot point in the Elagcia after-story, with Nineveh and adventurer unsuccessfully trying to find Allegro in hopes of an explanation. What’s the connection?

I’m seeing three possibilities:

1) Nineveh doesn’t actually know what the light of destiny is. She’s heard of it, possibly through Allegro, but doesn’t realize it referred to Ark Inheritor, mistakenly thinking it to be some separate great power.

2)The light of destiny is/was an entity separate from the adventurer. Maybe the adventurer is its vessel?

3) I’m reading way, WAY too much into a few lines of dialogue from a T2 rapport questline. *sob* I considered it might be a translation issue, but she says the same thing in the Korean version of the quest. 

There’s a slim chance the second option could explain a very important and seemingly unique ability of the adventurer. After collecting the 7th Ark, the adventurer speaks to Beatrice in Trixion. She tells us “The great universe Omnium, where we live, functions according to the will left by Regulus.  This has never been broken. What you faced in Elgacia and Kayangel also led you to the future that broke away from the set destiny and pioneered a new trajectory.”

To future emphasize this point, Beatrice calls us “The one who pioneers their own destiny beyond the boundaries of set destiny.”

Beatrice isn’t the first character to refer to the adventurer this way. Zaika calls the adventurer as the one who creates their own destiny in his will. 

This power is so strong it defies the very order of the universe set by Regulus himself. How does the adventurer have such power? Is simply by virtue of being the Art Inheritor? Did Luterra have such a power?  Not to mention the strange contradiction of our character being THE DESTINED ONE while simultaneously being the one who pioneers their own destiny.  I also wonder if this is why Kharmine is interested in the adventurer, but that’s for another post. 

Still, evidence for theory #2 is scant. From what can tell, Nineveh is the only character who speaks of the light of destiny as some great power in the universe. And even if that’s true, we don’t know thing one about it. Both Kharmine and Brelshaza mention a vessel, though it’s not clear who or what they’re referring to. In the Elagcia afterstory, after informing Kazeros that Vairgrys chose to side with the mortals, she asks “The vessel...should we do nothing?” But this doesn’t prove anything and a lot of KR players speculate this refers to Armen. So maybe I really am making too big a deal out of this.  

[wahlpaper]

Sizzle Reel Review

Sizzle Reel by Carlyn Greenwald

CW: Drinking, Heavy Drinking, Swearing, Described Sexual Content, Forced Closet-ing, Forced Outing, Toxic Work Environment, Queerphobia, Anxiety, Described Panic Attack, Money Problems, Unemployment and Firing, Queerphobic Microaggressions, Ethnic Microaggressions, Vomit, Dubious Consent, Dysfunctional Family Dynamics, Antisemitism, Deadnaming, Gaslighting

4.5/5

I'd like to start off this review by talking about the cover on Carlyn Greenwald's Sizzle Reel. It's the reason I decided to read it. I knew it was queer and potentially forgot that it was Jewish, but that cover was in my mind for months as I waited for the audiobook on Libby. Created by Madeline Partner and Maria Nguyen, the cover features a gorgeous red-head standing in the front with two attractive love interests off to the side. One love interest is giving off Kristen Stewart vibes. It's all bathed in pastel pink and orange, adding the beauty of a sunset to it. The typography is having a little bit of fun without taking away from the rest of the cover. It's a queer paradise and I'd love to see more covers like this.

Here's a blurb about Sizzle Reel, assuming that you need more than a cover to judge a book. For two years, Luna Roth has been suffering through an abusive Hollywood job that isn't even in her field of cinematography. When she meets Valeria, rising star and potential member of the queer community, everything starts to change. Luna has only just come out as bi at 24 and feels she needs to "catch up" on experiences. Her friends work to hook them up, whether it is professionally or intimately. While Luna is facing her job changes, newly-public identity, anxiety, and family problems, her best friend Romy has been acting strange. Will Luna be able to keep her life from falling apart while everything around her changes?

One thing that stood out to me in Sizzle Reel was how the choice of first person POV affected the tone of the book. Although Luna never directly says she has an audience, she knows how to interact with one. She's quite expressive and is honest enough with us that we can see past what she's hiding from herself. Most of the time with first person, that character either breaks the fourth wall or is only going along with I/me pronouns because the author made them do it. Luna being between these options makes for a great narrative and is absolutely in character. She's a cinematographer who's written by a member of the film industry. Essentially, this book has a complete aesthetic you're likely to get hooked on. Greenwald originally wrote Sizzle Reel to be a script, and while it was translated to a novel beautifully, that intention still shows.

Sizzle Reel is about things not being what we expect them to be. This goes for both the audience and the characters. I technically guessed the ending, but I kept changing my mind about it. I worried for nothing that things would pan out unrealistically or that I'd hate the outcome. Luna is trying to figure how to live in the queer community now that she's out. She's only getting advice from one biased queer person and it isn't helping her anxiety. She's receiving a lot of overwhelming input about what she should be doing. This goes beyond just being about her bisexuality. I have a feeling Greenwald was writing to an audience that already knows what anxiety is like. I could relate to Luna's thoughts without them needing to be explained to me. She just wanted to do the right or perfect things, hopefully the easy things. It all made her more confused, doing things the harder way, and unable to easily explain herself to others. My empathy for Luna made some parts of the book hard to get through, but witnessing how everything comes together made it worth it.

I mentioned earlier that I potentially forgot this was a piece of Jewish literature. I don't remember how I discovered this book, if I knew it was Jewish at the time I decided to eventually read it. Either way, it came as a pleasant surprise for me when I began reading. Luna and her best friend, Wyatt, are both Jewish. Luna and I both focus more on the cultural aspects of being Jewish, but she still had a different perspective than I've had. I love reading a variety of Jewish literature because it lets me see my community from different eyes. If you're looking for a Jewish queer 20-something as a main character, definitely try out Sizzle Reel.

This story touches on several timely queer topics and misses out on one I wish it would have addressed. Luna's arc is mostly about the queer panic I've mentioned previously, figuring out how to engage in the community and learning to prioritize herself. Valeria's arc is about being forced back into the closet by Hollywood, a place that the average right-winger assumes is leftist. Luna faces some of this toxicity herself. Romy's arc is about being out to her extended family as non-binary when she's still figuring out her relationship with gender. Unfortunately, despite Luna being extremely demi-coded (likely unconsciously), the asexual spectrum isn't directly brought up in Sizzle Reel. I believe if someone had suggested demisexuality to Luna, she would have had some of her anxieties lifted. Overall, I loved the amount of queer rep and topics Greenwald covered. It was all appropriately wrapped up with the last words in the book, "queer bliss".

Carlyn Greenwald's Sizzle Reel is a great book to read if you're looking for a slightly unpredictable Jewish queer romcom that uses Hollywood/Pasadena/LA as its background. Considering that's too niche to be likely, hopefully I've painted a tempting picture of the novel for you. Love triangles, urban exploration, and info dumps about the film industry await you. So, ready, set, action!

[fairy-pd]

Gabriel May finally finds a healthy coping mechanism - agere hcs

Hurt/comfort, gremlin man gets the love he deserves, GN reader, regressor!reader, sfw, mentions of trauma

MY BEAUTIFUL BABY MAN BABY. I LOVE HIM YOUR HONOR. HE STINKS SO BAD G O D

general hcs:

I cannot stress this enough: in this household we support Gabriel's rights and Gabriel's wrongs

In my opinion he was just a really misunderstood and abused kid, who coped with ppl villainizing him constantly by becoming the monster everyone accused him of being

He internalized his traumatic experiences and now believes he's basically the antichrist and that he's incapable of changing

Also he could've not, yknow, killed a bunch of ppl and terrorized his sister for years, he is totally responsible for being a shitty person dont get me wrong

But at the same time, he was a kid. I feel bad for the fact that becoming this vengeful ghost of a person was the best option in his young mind. No child should ever have to make that choice, no kid should even consider that as a choice

He still is, in some ways, mentally a child. He didn't get to experience the milestones for an adult that Emily did, and from day one he was treated like a thing. His inner child is constantly *screaming* at him, begging for attention, but he got pretty good at pushing his feelings down and ignoring his own needs while in pursuit of his goals

He is very very immature because of all this. Think tantrums, having a terrible sense of object permanence, deeply rooted abandonment issues, etc

Even tho Emily managed to lock in that mind??? prison ??? thing??? he still gets out from time to time and that's how he met you: fucking around town while he could

Im not gonna dwelve in too deep as to how you guys started a relationship (romantic or platonic) but now you're the only person he trusts

He is capable of feeling empathy, just not a lot and not for everyone. With you he feels incredibly sensitive and caring, which is totally foreign to him and kinda makes him feel like he's gone "soft" - so don't make fun of him (or a big a deal out of the whole thing) when he expresses concern, or he will shut you down like he did with his sister

I kinda hc him as using sarcasm/humor to cope, so he'd be cracking some witty jokes here and there whenever he's nervous about doing something

his regression/caregiving style:

He is a flip through and through, though it would take a long time for him to accept his "little" side

He hates being vulnerable, hates not having the upper hand and control over things, so he would downright beat himself up for being "weak" and still having these childlike needs and thoughts

But remember he feels like he's doomed, like he can't help being a "monster"? Being a caregiver would help him immensely with these thoughts because even though he's a piece of shit gremlin, he would never intentionally hurt a child

So by letting yourself regress around him he would learn he can choose his fate. He is not doomed, because he is capable of seeing you in your most vulnerable state and not even consider the idea of taking advantage of that

And that blows his mind off lmao

And for some ~mysterious reason~ he starts to feel a little better, and to do a little better

Needless to say Emily is beyond grateful you're in their lives. Gabriel totally refuses to go to therapy (doctorphobic lol), and their relationship is as bad as it gets, but since you showed up Gabriel hasn't been a prick to her. He is very moody still, but they're not fighting over control of their brain and body anymore. Because of you, they started to be able to tolerate each other's presence and now they try their best to both not fight in front of you and to share their body as best as they can

He lowkey doesn't know how to act around you at first lmao, its kinda of endearing. He wont show but he's gonna be panicking inside and will wonder if the slightest touch or thing he says would hurt you

He cares. A lot, all the time, and since its just the two of you and he feels so strangely safe around you, he'll allow himself to be 100% invested in taking care of you

He's a craftsman, which could maybe make you think he'd spoil you rotten with gifts (which he will) but I feel he also wouldn't want to shut up about how absolutely adorable you look

Wouldn't go too crazy with the nicknames tho, at most would call you kitten/puppy/bunny

I figured moving probably feels pretty painful to him, so he'll deal a lot better with calm/sleepy regressors

But don't get too excited thinking he'd let you do whatever you want: he can and he will put you on one of those kid leashes with the backpack if he has to

I think that, with time, he'd go from a sort of lenient cg to a more strict one- it would help him to give someone rules to follow cus he'd have to take care of himself better to be able to take care of you

The most therapeutic thing to him about all this is to be able to give someone the childhood he didn't get to have: you'll never feel alone, he'll never belittle you or make you feel like there's something inherently wrong with you

On the contrary: he'd make a point on teaching your regressed self to love and accept yourself as best as you can

BIG fan of gentle parenting, got a tiktok account solely to watch those vids and to make mental notes on how to better care for you

Would get pretty jealous and protective over you and your relationship, specially around Emily

If you guys ever go out together and you happen to regress in public he will not let you feel bad about it. You better not take that paci out of your mouth honey, cus there's nothing to be ashamed of here

He isnt super big on parental nicknames, thinks dada/papa is fine but absolutely prefers bubba over those

Isnt super excited about touch at first either. At the begging of your relationship he would outright refuse it, but since discovering his cg headspace he has allowed himself to admit he's absolutely somewhat touch starved

Expect lots of little touches here and there, like brushing hair out of your face/tucking it behind your ear, adjusting your clothes, fixing your eyebrows, etc

Melts when you hug or compliment him. Will never ever let himself admit it tho, but will thank you for doing it

He keeps every drawing/little gifts you give him somewhere Emily wont find it, so he can 1) keep small you all to himself 2) protect his reputation as a stone cold and uncaring guy and 3) gush to himself over how lucky he is to have found you

Remember he's a craftsman? He loves making you big gifts out of literally anything he can get his hands on i.e. has turned one of Emily's old wooden pieces into a bunch of Montessori-inspired toys and plans on doing it again, cus fuck you Emily

Despite being good with big pieces, his fine motor skills are a disaster (thanks for having to use Emily's arms backwards). If you ever let him do your hair he will mess it up (and will get a good laugh out of both of you)

He is a great storyteller and loves playing pretend: will make up bed time stories on the spot

He's got a lot to learn, but if you give him enough love and try to be patient he'll outmatch your energy and will dedicate himself, body and soul, to you

Super caring cg once he finds a safe place to live and thrive in

i love him thats all. hope it wasnt too bad!! im kinda sleepy so apologies if something isn't consistent, I'll proofread this later. see ya, pt. 3 of tommy hewitt as a cg coming soon after this one❤

[phoenixyfriend]

OKAY so on the topic of Star Wars takes wrt “character ends up in an A/B/O universe where they’re an omega, but they were previously a cis male in their canon”

@atagotiak and I had some Thoughts on discord

So, obviously, Anakin would make a good omega and he’s also incredibly murdery. Foregone conclusion that we're using him for this.

There is no preexisting Anakin in the Omegaverse. He shows up JUST as the war is starting. Canon timeline is in the third year of the war (he’s 22), but whatever dumped him into omegaverse also tossed him back a few years. No de-aging, just a bit of mismatched timeline stuff.

He's... really good at war, and clearly a Jedi, so the Temple just kind of goes "WELL OKAY THEN, SURE, YOU'RE IN, EVERYONE PRETEND HE'S BEEN HERE THE WHOLE TIME." The Jedi, by and large, don't care about omegaverse dynamics beyond 'what do you need, medically, to be happy and healthy' and 'what do you need to be aware of so you can be prepared for biases you encounter in the field?’

None of the civilian natborns (mainly politicians) want to put him on the field because of those biases. Anakin, being Anakin, is VERY blatantly an omega in scent, has never been on suppressants (because it wasn't a thing he fucking NEEDED), is incredibly emotional as a person, loves kids, etc.

Like, nobody wants an omega fighting a war anyway, but THIS one is like PINNACLE omega, and those awful Jedi are making him FIGHT just because he's good at stab!

The Jedi: Actually, it's because he's got several years of war experience that we don't, and he's a good tactician that works well with the clones-- Coruscant: You MONSTERS The Jedi: Look, we gave him the option to not stab and he looked absolutely devastated. Anakin, several days earlier: You don’t want me? I’m not good enough??? Jedi: Also he can beat up at least half the temple.

He doesn't know a damn thing about dynamics, but he DOES know that sometimes he's so horny he wants to stab HARDER. The clones are largely disinterested in their generals' dynamics because between mostly-Mando* trainers and no-dynamic Kaminoans, they only really care if a person can shoot.

* Mandalore approves of Fighty Omegas. As far as (traditional) Mandalore is concerned, you want an omega that will kill the threats to your children as well as you do.

Anakin: You know more about being an omega than I do. Rex: ...I'm an alpha. Anakin: Yeah. Let that one sink in a bit.

We have two options for Obi-Wan!

Omegaverse local Obi-Wan (beta) has never met this man before, and is very unnerved that the immediate default reaction Anakin has to his presence is releasing Family pheromones as if Obi-Wan is his DAD and like. This strange, too-tall man from another dimension has got absolutely NO control over what he projects in the Force OR in his dynamic.

Obi-Wan was ALSO transplanted from canon to omegaverse, and is also an omega, for contrast reasons. He is nice and friendly and and likes poetry and that sort of thing... but also he has the highest dismemberment count in the movies. Also he doesn’t prioritize romance.

We went with the second one because it's hilarious.

Someone watching them spar: Wow, omegas from that universe are terrifying.

As previously mentioned, now with some tweaking to account for both: Obi-Wan and Anakin just straight up don't exist until they drop headfirst into the council room, already covered in blood. (It's mostly not theirs.)

Nobody realizes either one is an omega until they "naturalize" to this dimension and Anakin goes into heat... and doesn't realize it, actually, because his primary symptom is heightened protectiveness and aggression. Everyone else with the right nose realizes, because the man has no control over his pheromone production, but Anakin? No. He just stabs. He’s angry and horny and he will cut someone.

Ahsoka has no reaction to human pheromones but basically everyone smells Anakin's "my child!" reaction to her, so... Cool. Have a padawan, we guess.

Anakin ends up sparring a lot with Aayla and Ahsoka, because only humans and near humans have dynamics, so these two don't REACT to the pheromones situation.

(Palpatine is a Kindly Old Beta who tries to treat Anakin the way he EXPECTS Anakin wants to be treated, which is. Not. Accurate.)

(Anakin hates it.)

I'm just so in love with "An omega can't fight." "You wanna fuckin' bet?"

There are plenty of omega Jedi, by the way, it's just... most of them can keep it relatively low-key instead of Anakin's jet-engine broadcast. Some, if they're known to be omega, probably take advantage of being underestimated, like Obi-Wan probably (and especially a version of Obi-Wan that was always an omega, unlike this version). They have a very different way of presenting themselves than Anakin, who's not subtle about being an omega and also not subtle about being all aggressive and stabby.

At one point, Anakin has to protect some Very Traditional Individuals who get all "Stay back, Omega, it's not safe!" and he's just... so tired of this shit. “You are squishy civilians and I'm a trained Jedi Knight and accomplished GAR General who's killed more people in one sitting than there are in this entire palace. Sit the fuck down and let me do my job.”

It starts making the rounds that Anakin insisted on fighting in person, and the rumors shift from "how dare the Jedi force an omega to fight" and over into things that are deeply hurtful in-universe in the vein of "broken omega" and some people try to say it to his face but like...

He didn't grow up here.

He doesn't care.

Say that to one of his friends and he's going to rip out your spleen, probably, but say it to him and he's just staring at you flatly and asking if that's a negative on getting away from the encroaching battle droids, sir?

"You're rather unpleasant for an omega, aren't you?" [deeply offensive] "I literally could not give less of a fuck about your opinion. Move."

It's not that there aren't omegas that act like Anakin, either, it's just that most of them aren't, you know, Jedi who regularly interact with the upper crust, or capable of his level of destruction. Unbeknownst to Anakin, everyone clocks him as Outer Rim based on his behavior, well before his accent gives him away, and certainly before he mentions he's from Tatooine, because Core Omegas Don't Act Like That.

Someone they meet in a more diplomatic setting says something decently passive-aggressive about how at least Obi-Wan acts more like how an Omega should. Then a battle breaks out for some reason, and... well. Anakin and Obi-Wan cause such a scandal by keeping score of kills in a battle, don’t you know?

Turns out sending Anakin to fight Ventress is great because she keeps expecting him to react a certain way but NO he's here to STAB.

I like the idea that Obi-Wan's favorite opponent these days is Grievous because the cyborg doesn't have a nose, and thus gives zero fucks about dynamics or heats. Dooku is a rich old man who has opinions heavily influenced by Sith Juice Making Him More of a Dick, and the Dathomiri can smell dynamics even if they don't have them, and so they have biases about those things. Meanwhile, Grievous is just there to Kill, and Obi-Wan genuinely appreciates the lack of commentary on his dynamic.

Dooku’s probably an alpha, or a beta who's used the whole "we are more level-headed" thing as one of several angles to keep himself the public face and supreme commander of the CIS.

On to more fluffy things that have less to do with political biases.

There's a lot of "I'm upset that my loved ones don't know me," but also please understand the appeal of Obi-Wan marching up to Quinlan like "Yes, hello, I understand you've been read in on the full situation behind myself and my former padawan. I was close friends with your alternate universe self, which I feel is necessary disclosure before I propose the following: Would you like to join me for my upcoming heat, as I have minimal experience with the dynamics situation and even fewer people I actually trust, and I believe I can put my faith in you to treat it as casually as necessary while still having control and respect for my person."

(The Team is in a fairly safe place to process stuff, but having sudden unexpected changes to your biology has gotta be a little traumatizing, on top of ending up in a universe where none of your friends know you and people have a whole host of unfamiliar forms of sexism to point at you.)

Obi-Wan, who wasn't quite touch-averse but was much more easily overwhelmed by physical contact than Anakin (who craved it), suddenly finds his body switching gears and insisting on cuddles with Trusted Loved Ones, which is.... mostly Anakin, on account of nobody else really knowing him yet. Also Ahsoka, who is aware that she's something of a replacement for her alt-universe self, but Anakin explained it as "I love you so much no matter which dimension I'm in or what you're like, and I'd like to get to know you the way I got know her."

(It's rather eloquent for Anakin. He got Obi-Wan to help him draft up the script for when he pitched taking on omegaverse Ahsoka as a padawan.)

Anakin gets a more intensely sexual heat than 'usual' at one point for Reasons (IDK it could be as innocuous as 'we got better food than the usual rations and my body is reacting to the higher fat content with the belief that it's safer to have a baby now'), which nobody takes a whole lot of notice of because they're in a WAR, and also this is only his fourth one so it's not like he's got a lot to compare it to... except then the predominantly alpha clones can't stop themselves from reacting to the pheromones, mostly by wandering past his door and asking if he needs anything, offering up alpha-scented blankets and stuff for the nest to soothe the hormones, bringing snacks and electrolyte drinks, and like, Anakin is flattered, really, but fuck off please.

(He got a warning from medical a few hours before it hit that it would be different, so he actually does have alpha-scented fabrics to help him out. Apparently that's a thing you can just ask friends for, so he asked Rex if he had anything on hand that he could spare. He now has one of Rex’s recently-used sheets and a bodyglove in the nest.)

(Anakin has no idea how to feel about the nesting instinct, but at least it’s warm.)

Tia asked "Oh hey, who has the scared and horny reaction to his carnage?" and like.

Listen. I'm not saying I've been low-key imagining this as Rex being a very subby alpha who's really into Anakin's whole Thing but...

At one point Anakin gets injured in a way that requires painkillers and he ends up whining to the point of almost crying about the fact that nobody is cuddling him right now in medbay and Kix just gives up and comms Ahsoka to come hug her weird older brother.

And Then There Is Purring.

That’s a Thing Now.

Rex ends up in the pile somehow. He came over to check on Things and ended up yanked in by half-asleep, half-high Anakin, who has a grip like an octopus and no impulse control and is purring like a pod motor while NUZZLING HIM.

There’s a lot of blackmail photos featuring Rex’s very intense blush as he’s cuddled by his commander (giggling at him) and general (clinging like a tooka and rubbing himself all over).

Anakin is deeply offended that ANYONE thinks he'd want to get pregnant by just any old person, NO he needs to fall in LOVE there needs to be EMOTIONAL DRAMA and if Padme won't have him (apparently she's in a relationship and no he's not BITTER) then he'll find someone else to have a whirlwind romance with!

People think Anakin's a slut because he can't control his pheromone production (he has NO practice and for health reasons he can't go on suppressants) so he always smells open and ready for flirtations, which Obi-Wan also has to a somewhat lesser degree (he's older so his body just naturally produces less), and then someone tries to cross a boundary and grabs his ass and ANYWAY Anakin has to now fill out an incident report for breaking a civilian's arm.

Again.

[hells-plaid-angel]

Castiel thought getting drunk would make him feel better, but it just made him feel a different kind of worse. 

It took a lot to get an angel drunk, and all for what? He still felt trapped. There was the crux of the issue. He was a celestial being, tall as the Chrysler building, wide as a vast expanse of untouched land, made of light and movement, crammed into a small and fleshy vessel. 

In this body, everything felt too hot, too close. All human sensation was overwhelming. When you weren’t used to a body, something as simple as touch could be nauseating. He could feel the alcohol mingle with his blood and felt more heat in his frame. He found himself laying face first on the linoleum of the bunker’s kitchen. It was cold, closer to comfortable. While in his body, his wings felt like phantom limbs, they ached. He’d been contemplating returning to Heaven, just to shed his skin, to stretch himself out and see once more beyond the limits of what his two human eyes provided him. 

That’s where Dean finds him, face first on the linoleum, surrounded by empty bottles. He awkwardly takes a seat at Cas’ side, and lays a firm hand on Cas’ shoulder, to assure himself the angel hasn’t somehow up and managed a way to die when Cas meets his eyes. If there’s one thing Cas knows about Dean, he knows he hates to talk about emotions and feelings, they’re all too close to really talking about something- a thing Cas has never quite managed to place. So Dean surprises the both of them when, he finds one untouched beer, takes a swig and mumbles, 

“Talk to me.” 

Cas does, or he tries to. He’s not sure if any human language has quite the right words to explain things, but Dean seems to get the gist. When Cas mentions returning to Heaven Dean goes tense, and takes another swig of beer, not enjoying the option. Neither does Cas, but what choice does he have? The two lapse into silence. Dean taps rhythmically on the floor as he works out his thoughts, the rapid rhythm growing quicker as the silence draws on. 

“You know, technically I’m built to house an archangel, so things in here should be a little more spacious for you,” He proposes after an age. Cas can hardly hear him over Dean’s trembling taps. 

It’s Castiel’s time to stretch out the silence because he knows how large this offer is. He’s heard Dean throw around the word ‘possession’ when referring to other angels, not when he was talking about Cas, but surely not even Dean Winchester could compartmentalise that thoroughly. He’d hated being Micheal’s vessel and yet, he was offering to do it, if Cas wanted. 

There are things Dean would offer to Cas that he wouldn’t offer to anyone else. There are things Cas would take from other people he wouldn’t take from Dean.

“Thank you for the offer,” Cas breathes into the stillness. He doesn’t need to tell Dean he won’t be taking him up on it, but he sees in the slackening of Dean’s shoulders he understands. With an elongated sigh, Dean flops down onto the floor face-first beside Cas, graceless. 

“Right, well... if you change your mind I’m here.” 

There are things neither man would admit while sober.

“I don’t think either of us would enjoy our minds co-existing in the same vessel. It would be a different kind of cramped,” Cas admits. 

“Yeah,  don’t blame you for wanting to keep outta my head,” Dean muses ruefully letting Cas know he’d used the wrong words. English didn’t have the right ones, or if it did, Castiel didn’t know how to line them up in the right order. 

“I think it’s more the opposite. I don’t think you’d enjoy my internal world very much.” Dean propped himself up on one elbow, trying to get a better look at the angel.

“Why? You keeping secrets, Sunshine?” He says, trying to defuse the situation. 

“Several,” Cas confesses with an elongated sigh, moving to stand before he can get himself into any more trouble. He’s wobbly on his feet, like a newborn deer. How strange to lose track of one’s body. Dean stands with him and sighs. 

“You wanna go for a drive?” He asks out of the blue. 

“That’s what I do, when I feel like I’m ready to start tearing up the drywall.” 

“I would love to,” Cas says. What he means is, I love you. 

[kendrixtermina]

Edelgard and “meritocracy” - an essay

In this essay I wish to adress the common argument that “meritocracy bad, therefore edelgard bad” & the logical leaps therein.

Before we begin, I’d like to stress that she doesn’t even use the word “meritocracy” & they’re not even looking at it’s modern definition but reacting to the way it has been used as a fighting word to denigrate the poor specificically in the post reagan modern USA & then assuming Edelgard means the exact same thing by that without bothering to examine what she actually says & in what context.

Modern capitalism & the way it uses rhetoric of merit as an excuse is bad & with its reduction of human value to their moneymaking ability, definitely inherently ableist, I agree totally.

But 3H does NOT take place in the modern world. Progress is always relative to what came before. It*s progress away from entrenched problems.

It’s a total failure to even imagine a world different from the sucky one we live in - that’s exactly what tolkien meant  by that saying that if we’re prisoners we have a duty to escape.

Edelgard doesn’t live in a capitalist society nor is she bringing about capitalism (if anything Claude’s the one talking of free trade & giving the merchants what they want, though he is almost certainly playing them much like the church)

And the main component of capitalism - factory owners, rich elites who owns large swathes of companies or real estate - is nowhere to be found.

In our world that cropped up because industrialization made owning factories, offices, trade etc. more lucrative that just owning the land, so factory owners replaced landed lords, essentially promising the peasants freedom if they helped them overthrow the kings but granting them only in a limited manner - the flawed inequal democracies that resulted were a compromise between peasants and factory owners.

But by and large the nobles are very much in the same niche as the factory owners today - they own the land and get special trade privileges (the means of production), they often abuse the populace with impunity, the peasants are very poor.

Edelgard cracks down on corruption & special trade privileges even during the timeskip.

And like the rich of our world, they have a self-mythology propaganda justification based on merit. Yes, there is the “by the grace of god” argument, too, but crests give you extra fighting power, and if you look at the Ferdinand support for example you do see that Fodlan’s nobles - especially the adrestian ones - see themselves as a honed elite that is trained from birth & therefore better at ruling.

Not quite the same argument a modern billionaire uses - who is very invested in convincing you that they didn’t get their power and wealth by their birth - but a myth nonetheless.

Edelgard’s not bringing “meritocracy” as in brutal competition opposed to caring social safety nets, but as opposed to unearned privilege.

If you wanted to compare that to any kind of sociohistorical context, you might look at Napoleon’s peasant liberation or the implementation of civil service examinations in ancient China.

That wasn’t an all good thing - In the same way that Europe is very impacted by the legacy of rome both good & bad (there are persisting bad attitudes toward war, authority and agriculture for example), east asia still has a lot of education obsession causing pressure & unhealthy work habits to this day.

But if you compared ancient china before the reforms to ancient China after it definitely got better, by ancient china standards.

We couldn’t expect the people back then to come up with all advances up to our exact modern values at once (not can we be sure how much of our values will stand the test of time)

Considering that Fodlan’s ideal of merit is basically what Lorenz, Ingrid and Ferdinand are embodying for their respective countries, and that she stocks her inner circle with very different leaders, it is no stretch to say that she wants to shake up the social ideas of what even counts as merit, to make ppl value other things that crest power or elite upbringing, the same way we might say today that hey, cleaners are valuable actually.

Edelgard is basically doing her world’s equivalent of taxing the billionaires - reducing the power of what the overprivilieged class happens to be, & it’s obvious from her talk of how she despises inequality that she would hardly be for rule of factory owners.

When Edelgard says that she wants to make Fodlan more merit-based, that has to be taken in the context that she lives in a world where your birth determines everything, incompetent nobles can be as lazy as they want, and no one cares how competent you are if you lack a crest, title or both.

If she looked at our world, she would quickly see through the propaganda that it is supposedly “merit based” and object to how wealth and national origin obviously dictate wealth & opportunity while talented people go to waste in sweatshops.

Now of course there have been arguments even against “perfect” meritocracy - one is the devaluation of working class jobs.

To this one could answer that this is more a flaw in how merit is conceived. Historically there have been societies that exahlted blue collar work, artisans or farming.

The second argument, however, is not so easy to get rid of: That is devalues people who can’t just go & produce like machines, especially the unemployed, the sick, the mentally ill, the disabled…

But at this point we’ve got to lean back & get our definitions straight, & make it clear what we even mean by “meritocracy” -

Because if we’re just talking about the basic idea that competency should be rewarded, I don’t think too many people disagree with that. We might see a problem with valueing the competency of a doctor or lawyers dispropottionally over the competency of a cleaner or a bricklayer, but we all, by and large, want the people who prepare our goods and services to be competent. Maybe we wouldn’t exalt it over all over qualities, but most of us admire skill.

Of course the problem with the political rhetoric of “meritocracy” is that it goes beyond just rewarding skill, first with the afore mentioned rewarding of only some skills, but mostly with the reversion or overemphasis of the above: Saying that skill is the only thing that matters (to the exclusion of any inheent human value) & that those who don’t have it are worthless.

First I want to throw out the thought that this is a product of the production/profit orientation of capitalism, but one could of course imagine, as many sci fi authors have done, a non-capitalistic society that is still obsessed with merit at the exclusion of those who are not oriented towards productivity & care more about fun & relationships than producing, or those who can’t produce because they are sick or disabled.

So now we must ask ourselves the question: Which of those views does Edelgard actually hold?

Cause I want you to notice that they’re not the same. “Skill should be rewarded & jobs should be done by competent people”  is not the same position as “Skill is the ONLY thing that matters and if you don’t have it you are worthless”

In one position, skill is a good quality, in the other, it's a prerequisite to worth.

Most of us here probably agree that skill is admirable (we like and reblog pretty fanarts), but not that the unskilled are worthless.

Looking at her superficially I could perhaps see how someone might suspect her of the latter -  She gravitates to & surrounds herself with skilled intelligent people and she’s obscenely superpowered.

It’s an misunderstanding that Dimitri makes in-universe, he accuses her of “only benefitting the strong”

But note that her answer to that is that she wants to empower the weak to no longer be weak & decide their own lives, instead of accepting charity. (Contrast with how Dimitri romanticizes abyss, for example, even as Claude points out that locking the poor underground is hardly help.)

Of course she can say many things, as rulers often give florid speeches.

But let’s have a look at what she actually thinks. How does edelgard actually act towards people who struggle or aren’t productivity oriented?

This is one of her lecture questions from part I:

“When one professor lectures many students, some will inevitably have trouble keeping up, while others will get too far ahead in their studies. I wonder how this problem might be solved…”

Her favorite answer is “lectures should be optional”.

Which part of that sounds like a bell curve type eugenicist “only skill & intelligence counts” kind of person? She wants the struggling students to be taken proper care of, not just the good ones.

Look at the speeches she gives to Petra & Lysithea about not giving up on themselves & wanting them to move forward from an empowered mindset. Look at how she tells Lysithea to take it easy & not overtax her body. (Not "don't whine & keep working")

Look at Bernadetta - very much an ‘unproductive’ individual with great struggles & limitation. Does Edelgard dismiss her as a weakling? Not at all. Not even in the C support. She makes sure to stress her good qualities when introducing  her, makes an effort to be more patient so as not to scare her, & they become good friends.

Look at the Linhardt support - at first she mistakes his behavior for youthful lazyness (He’s 16 after all) & wants to get him to apply himself, but when she realizes that he just has different priorities, she respects that, & works to get him the exact sort of position that he wants. No “suck it up!” or dismissing such a different lifestyle. Nor does she chide him for hating fighting at any point.

Edelgard does everything in her power to accomodate people so they can do their best. She sees the value even in strange unsocial people that society would dismiss. She found a job for someone like Jeritza & helped him, she doesn’t hesitate to make Dorothea a general or Manuela the prime minister no matter what people say or if they don’t act like typical politicians.

Also, when she talks about choosing her sucessor, she wants them to be brilliant/competent yes, but also kind and 'an outsider' (ie, impartial) - hardly a PoV of "if you are skilled you can do whatever you want and if you aren't no other quality matters". She's prizing kindness & objectivity just as highly, something which is absolutely reflected throughout all her actions & behaviors towards others.

She doesn't devalue living quietly & low key without making waves - in fact, that is her dream life, which she deems superior to achievement and ambition, which are to her just tools to archieve good aims.

She couldn’t be further from having a narrow definition of what a “valuable” person is, she is all ABOUT empowering people to take control of their own lives, no pity-driven charity, no paternalism, none of that. This is one of my favorite traits about her, so I can’t help but get mad when people accuse her of being the exact opposite.

But maybe the biggest argument is abyss. This is where the genuine underclass lives, poor, struggling, traumatized, refugees etc.

Edelgard isn’t as vocal during Cindered Shadows as Claude - she can’t blow her cover & just isn’t as expressive personality wise. But she’s the one who makes everybody swear to take care of Abyss no matter who wins.

And her route is the one where, instead of telling you that they lost people, Hapi tells you that they’ve all been pretty much fine over the timeskip.

If you want to help the struggling & the poor and those who don't have "conventional" skills, you should back edelgard.

[valeskakingdom]

The Silent Bomber (part 24)

Time went by and a lot of stuff changed in Arkham. Almost everyone got thid certain electro shock therapy Hugo was talking about except Scarlet and a few others. It made them all change into harmless little retarded babies, who could do nothing but laugh, playing stupid games and being friendly in a childish - they were practically like infants. For Scarlet it was horrible. Not to mention she hated children, now she had to live with some - the worst thing though was, Oswald was one of them - her only, let's call him 'friend', the only one she could talk to. He was just gone! She tried talking to him but all he did was smiling at her and holding a speech why she should stop being so brutal towards others.

Helzinger was no option, he was just her little toy she used when she was bored.

Indeed she tried talking to the ones who haven't gotten the form of therapy, but they weren't her level. They just stared at her, awkwardly smiled at her, or asked her stupid questions like as if she has ever eaten human flesh. It was gross. She she tried to communicate with the guards. Every day she leaned against the grid and either seduced them - well she tried - or told thwm any jokes or did just small talk. She didnt care about whether they answered or not - just their attendance was much better than from the other inmates.

"So... Dave, right?" Scarlet pointed at one guard "Whats new in your life? We've talked so much about me. Now it's time to talk about you." Dave was one of the guards who talked to her, let's say they both got along well.

"I've heared a new criminal will arrive soon." He told her in a whisper, not everyone should become aware of that. Some would eventually start panicking or being too euphoric about it. The only reason he told her was, that secretly - and no ode of his colleagues should ever know that - he found her fascinating. He wasn't attracted to her, but the way she thought, the way she behaved, her acting - it was just marvelous. He wanted to learn from her, not the killing, but how someone could be that tough, how to give a fuck off everything. You must know, Dave wasn't the most popular guy beyond all his colleagues, so a serial killer as a friend would be such a good idea for sure.

"Oh really?" Scarlet became curious "Tell me something about it. Is it a he or a she? Is this person a killer? A cannibal? Or just a guy who's got insane through a traumatic past?" Of course, Scarlet knew that Dave wasn't her friend without a reason. She first thought it was simply sex, but it was not. When she heard about his interests she was fascinated and realized she could use him as a new toy easily. She didn't want to escape necessarily, she just needed information about people, about the asylum, about Hugo Strange. She wanted to be informed about everything before she could make any further plans.

"We don't know much about him." Dave told her.

"Oh, so it's a 'him'? What's his name?" Scarlet asked pleased. Secretly, her hopes became high through getting either someone who was like Jerome or even better. Not like she wanted to be in a relationship, but she needed a partner. Someone to talk, someone to make plans with...just to do everything together.

"We don't know. He won't say it." He shrugged "All we know about him is that he placed bombs on several parts of Gotham city to kill hundreds of people. Some already exploded, some stay hidden. The GCPD is searching for them everywhere."

"A bomber ...huh, he wants to be all mysterious, right? Ah, never mind, I will find a way to get some information about him. Breaking him won't be that hard" Scarlet said with a smirk "Did Dr.Strange plan something on him? Like with Oswald?"

"Not that I know of." Dave said "Why?"

"Good for me," Scarlet smirked "I can't stand being the only smart one beyond all these...whatever you call them. I need company. I need a friend in here. You understand me? Like how would you feel if you need to live with dogs together for weeks? As the only real human being?"

"I wouldn't feel any different than you do now" Dave admitted with a nod "I mean, just between you and me" Dave leaned his head a little closer to Scarlet "I'm the only good guy beyond all those assholes here"

"You see," Scarlet said with a nod "Lonliness is just gruesome, isn't it? Especially for people like me, or like us" Scarlet held tight on the grid and leaned her face in between - that was a part of her manipulation, she tried to sympathize with Dave that he would think that she'd be his real friend who understood him and who cared about him "We tend to overthink, we tend to become crazy...have you ever experienced that?"

"Oh I did, many times." Dave admitted "Basically every time my colleagues bully me or laugh at me because I'm not as clever as them. These thoughts I have," he paused "They depress me, they would depress everyone. Like I can hear my thoughts screaming at me. Have you ever experienced that? It's just awful."

"Oh, I know. I remember all the thoughts when my father abused me. Good that I chopped him!" Scarlet chuckled "You should do that, too. It can be fun! I could help you with that. I know many ways how to kill and torture people"

"No, I'll pass." Dave chuckled "I don't wanna end up in Arkham like you."

"But where are you now?" Scarlet frowned with a sarcastic smile. Of course, she knew he meant something different but practically it was still the same: He was in Arkham, not as an inmate but as a guard. Either being there through the job or as inmate, there was no big difference.

"Patel! Shut up and and move your ass away from the cell door!" Another guard suddenly yelled through the whole hallway when she saw the guards with another person being chained and dressed in the usual Arkham clothings - this had to be the new inmate.

"Dave, open the door!" The same guard yelled - and Dave did what he said. The usual horns were honking and the cell door opened - and here he came: the famous unknown bomber from Gotham city strolled over to the cell door. He was a real moster which seemed to impress Scarlet. He was tattooed, had scars on his face, he had some muscles, and the way he looked at people... gosh! He literally showed them all by eye contact that he was a beast. For Scarlet it was like a dream would come true, he seemed so perfect. He seemed to be perfect yet, he just needed to as intelligent as her now.

But that she will find out very soon.

***

Later that day, everybody was sitting on their banks, either talking, playing games like 'duck, duck, duck, goose' or else. Scarlet kept watching the new inmate for some while now. He was a quiet one, nothing really distracted him when he focused on some stuff like reading some newspapers. People tried talking to him but he avoided any kind of conversation. It was hard to talk to him, Scarlet needed to impress him anyhow. But with what? With her boobs? With her skills? What could impress a silent bomber besides bombs?

But of course, having no idea wouldn't stop Scarlet from trying. She had many ways to get people's attention or more: to become their friend.

The first thing she did was walking towards him and just staring at him. She didn't say a word. She didn't want to be like Jerome, so obtrusive and annoying in this case. No, silent people you had to treat differently. You needed to act cautiously as if they were helpless deers. You can't just throw them into the cold water. You needed to take care of them like a baby. You need to take their hands and conduct them - and that's what Scarlet was doing now. She took a seat in front of him and stared at him, examined him, his mimics, his gestures. Right now he was reading any book he took from the shelf in the back, he was extremely focused on it. Maybe he was a slow reader? Maybe this book was part of his interests? Presumably. Maybe if she read that book she would have a topic with him to talk about?Maybe with that she would get all his attention?

"Gimme that book" Scarlet bent over the table plate to grab it and tore the book from his hands "The Phantom Atlas," she said thinking while examining the book "Never heard of that. How's this book?"

But instead of an answer, the silent bomber just gave her a frowned look, pursing his lips and made his way to get the next book he could hopefully read in peace. He kinda seemed annoyed of her action. Like why did she need to bother him? He obviously showed that he wanted to stay a loner, that he didn't want to be a part of a stupid inmate team who tries to break out.

For Scarlet it became harder now. She really needed to think how to continue this all, so all she did was sitting and staring at him, looking what he was about to do now. But all he did was going back to the his seat with a new book, there was no further reaction, no further look at Scarlet - nothing. He acted like Scarlet's action has never happened.

"What for a book do you read now?" Scarlet looked at the cover kind of curiously, but it shocked her a little what she saw "The Bible? You don't really seem religious, or do you think God has spoken to you and told you to build the bombs to kill all the heathens?" Scarlet chuckled, but she immediately stopped when she saw he didn't even smiled but still ignored her "Jokes aside. The Bible is a disputed book in my eyes. You indeed can believe all the stuff that's written in there but that's far away from reality. Like a man who can split water? Please!"

The silent bomber looked up at her with a frown again as if he was about to say 'can you shut the fuck up?' Or 'What's your intention to talk now?'

"You're not much of a talker, huh?" Scarlet gave him a frowned look back "Wanna stay all mysterious that people mumble creepy things about you." Scarlet grinned. That all kinda reminded her of herself at her beginnings. She wasn't really different, well, she just talked a little more. But the attitude was the same, the demeanor was the same - it kinda was like she was trying to talk to her old herself.

As a reaction to her comment, he snorted with a slight laughter and shook his head while he continued reading. He was amused by her attempts to make him speak, but he also knew it wouldn't work. People who didn't interest him, weren't able to make him speak so easily. He was very stubborn in this case.

"Oh, wow you can react!" Scarlet let out a slight laughter, crossing her arms and leaning a little back "So you're not just a human stone."

"I can even speak if I wanna" The silent bomber gave her a cheeky answer with a sarcastic grin right before he went back reading. He just wanted her to shut up and leave him alone.

"What a surprise" Scarlet gave him a sarcastic grin back "Even more that you're a little snarky bitch. I thought you'd be a bit cooler"

"A bit cheeky for a teenager" The silent bomber clicked his tongue "Didn't your parents teach you manners? Oh, I forgot. Your dad preferred to abuse you. My bad" And so he kept reading his book. He knew he hit one of Scarlet's sensitive spots, so it was an easy thing to get rid of her.

"A bit insolent for someone who's not brave enough to kill people right away. Instead you're hiding anywhere in the back like a little baby and can't see what a mess your bomb causes."

The silent bomber kept being silent again. He kinda was impressed of her repertee - but this meant nothing. In his eyes, Scarlet was still an obnoxious brat with a big mouth.

"HAHA! Nice start for a conversation. But lets talk about the serious stuff," Scarlet looked around, making sure no one is listening "There's one little secret you should know" and so the silent bomber looked at her again. Not that he was interested, he just wanted to listen to what bullshit she had to say.

"Most of the people here are used as little toys for an experiment they used to call 'therapy'." Scarlet exaggerated a little to scare him, well she tried to. She wanted to give him the feeling that she was the save space in Arkham, that he needed to trust her and cope with her "I'm not lying. Every day they choose people to lead them into a room and torture them with electroshocks until they're debilitated little retarded kids."

"Hm, nice try" The silent bomber pursed his lips, being half convinced of her technique to show him she's the most trustworthy one here.

"Pardon?" Scarlet frowned. She didn't understand it quite right what he was meaning by that.

"I know you, Scarlet Patel. I know your father, your family, your murder stories," he leaned forward over the table plate that his head was close to Scarlet's "And I know your ways to manipulate people. I'm not like the others my dear. I don't fall for your stupid actions."

"I see, I've got quite famous over the time. What is said about me? I wanna know" Scarlet smirked amused. She liked to know that people were talking about her actions and behavior. She reached fame, a lot of fame apparently - good for her. So she knew she became a relevant figure in Gotham city - Someone no one wanted to deal with, someone who scared everybody, someone who had so much power that you wouldn't dare to try fighting them in any way.

"No one can trust you because you everything for your own good. You're an unfair player, and that's why no one wants to work with you anymore"

"But why should I use a warning for my own good? I just try to be friendly," Scarlet let out a slight laughter, she knew he was totally right - but - he shouldn't notice she was trying to manipulate now "You see my friend over there?" she pointed at Oswald who was now playing a game with others "Oswald Cobblepot"

The silent bomber looked over to Oswald and the others. He didn't seem to be impressed of him. How could he even? By hearsay, Oswald was a complete pinhead with a mommy complex and megalomania who never really managed to fulfill a plan or a mission.

"He's one of the few people who gets this certain electroshock therapy. Before we were sent to Arkham we both tried killing Theo Galavan together several times - you know the rest. We had so many plans, trying to fulfill them all... but now he's just a pathetic little worm who can be bumped off within seconds. He lost all his skills through this therapy." Scarlet sighed, looking at Oswald. He seemed so anxious now, so helpless like a deer. Every movement scared him off or outfaced him. He got easily overwhelmed with things like aggression, loud noises or upset. That was not him anymore. The real Oswald seemed to be gone.

"And now you need a new friend to boss around and benefit from." The silent bomber smirked amused, Scarlet was so pathetic in his eyes, she was so obvious and so easy to psych her. And she should be the most dangerous criminal in Gotham? Pffft, please!

"Now I need to friend who works with me on plans how to escape, how to pull all the inmates on our column to start a riot, and especially how to kill the head of all that - Hugo Strange."

"And why should I of all people help you now? Why not the big baldy in the back? He seems to be quite scary." And again he showed his cheeky side on Scarlet with a cheeky grin on his face, while he was pointing at Helzinger.

"You mean Helzinger? Nah, he's just my little boy toy if I'm bored. But what I need is a partner in crime, a partner who's a mastermind as I am, as brutal, as cruel, as chaotic as me. You understand? And I think you'd do a pretty good job as my partner."

"You're too cute, Patel," The silent bomber shook his head with a slight laughter "I decline working with a teenager, rather I'd work with one of these retarded bozos. And now stop wasting my time with your stupid babbling." And so he kept reading and ignored her attendance as if she was never sitting in front of him. He blended her out completely.

"Fine then," Scarlet stood up as if it was nothing "You'll see what you're missing" and so she went away.