#brain puke

[damage-ko]

Hey Filoni...

[crashtestjeffy]

I am way off-centre today.

I had a horrible nightmare last about my father and I was so angry and so caught in the shitty things he did, that I knocked over a bedside stand and a a little desk by my bed and cut my leg open. And in the process I yelled and swore and fought so much that it woke up my daughter in her room. It was bad. And I am living in the feelings I had in the nightmare still. And in the abuse I endured. It serves me right. I know better than to allow myself to remember while I am awake. To try to make sense of the abuse. To ask "How could you do that?" or even worse "Could I do it?" and sadly the answer is no I couldn't, never.

But that answer doesn't make me feel better. In fact it makes it worse. Because then it makes me confront the fact that something was really fucking wrong with how I was treated and either I didn't deserve it or I was just such a rotten kid I did deserve it. But mostly it makes me confront how fucking sick my father was. And he was....So sick. How else do you hit a toddler with a leather belt or punch a little boy or take a bat to your sleeping teenager. I spent a lot of time as a kid watching for his car and hoping it didn't come home, that he had an accident and I would be spared. Then as I got older I thought as much about killing him. There that is my truth, i was so angry and abused and afraid that killing my father seemed like the only way to escape it. And I let myself think about all this yesterday and paid for it last night. So today I am desperately trying to purge my brain and soul or else this shit will linger for days. And the nightmares will continue. Hey want to know what I am really thinking right now? I am thinking, how does an almost 53 year old man with his own child still live so haunted and frightened of these things? Don't people say as an adult you need to get over these things? And I have tried, and tried, and tried. I no longer hate him, I am still angry though. I hold no more resentments. Contrary to what the 12 Step programs swear is the source of all my problems. I released that part of it. It's the goddamn memories and echos though. They never end. Nobody really reads this shit. I don't even care anymore. But if you did, thanks. I just want to be heard. Even if only by the trees. The universe. Again thanks for reading. So hey if you feel any love for my trainwreck life, buy me lunch. I am exhausted and still hungry.

[doktordismemberment]

Brain Puke: Vaping Bile

How fucked is the world we live in where 1 in 5 Americans think Taylor Swift is a deep state operative?

The desperate need for a comic book narrative. Good guys. Bad guys. Cloak and dagger intrigue. Hack plot devices. Stan Lee with a brain injury and stunted emotional development.

The wholehearted belief that if anyone has anything you don't it's because it was handed to them, and the reason you don't isn't because you're a mediocre idiot from a nowhere town who has worked at fucking Taco Bell since you dropped out of high school it's because there's some grand fuck-over orchestrated by some shadowy "them" and pointed directly at you.

You're a hard worker.

A good person.

You deserve what everyone else has.

They deserve to live in misery.

Fuck 'em.

Take another hit off the vape pen and fall asleep on the couch.

Got work early.

AM radio fascism.

Drive time outrage.

Dead end sociopathic malaise.

Sunday morning self-insert savior fanfic.

Layer upon layer of bullshit suburban delusion to keep the big bright scary world at bay.

But given the chance to do anything to break the cycle or improve yourself it's always the same excuses: "Nah, I'm good." or "I can't move away, I gotta stay close to my family."

What if it doesn't work?

What if I don't succeed?

I really like the fries at that one place and I'd sure hate to live more than five miles away from that.

I'm doing fine, best I've ever been.

So you seethe through another day of nothing and blame everyone but yourself.

And when you're put on the spot you can't even explain yourself...The incoherence comes pouring out like a clogged toilet.

Michelle Obama's arms.

Chemtrail mind control.

Weather modification.

Transvestigation and looksmaxing.

Winners of the genetic lottery.

Turning the frogs gay.

The great reset.

You talk long enough and somehow it boils down to blacks, gays, and jews exist and that's why your life sucks.

It's got nothing to do with you and your shitty choices.

Your life has nothing to do with you.

You're dead leaves blowing in a winter wind.

A used condom floating down a filthy river.

An empty human outline.

None of this is your fault.

Not what you've done and not what you might do in the future.

Make any of it make sense.

[rmhashauthor]

You can't spell "automaton" without "tomato".

I don't know what robots have to do with tomatoes but I remain vigilant.

[purvlereign]

Why is my Discord crashing 😭💀

[brainpukeblog]

[skrs-cats]

ive wanted to draw lion talking abt this topic for a long longggg time now

Prev || Next

[spamgyu]

BEAUTIFUL // Hansol Drabble

They had been eyeing each other the whole night.

Her gaze catching his first when her friend had notified her that one of the groomsmen had been staring from across the room.

It started off as sneaky glances all while the bride and groom continued with reception program, but the one second glances soon turned into lingering stares – a smirk playing on his lips each time their eyes would lock.

"Oh my god, please just go talk to him." Her friend urged as she caught her sending over a wink to man standing by the edge of the dance floor; looking down to hide his blush.

"A lady never makes the first move." She joked, toying with the straw of her drink; leaning back against the bar counter – waiting for her friend to receive her margarita from the bar tender.

She had only taken her attention off of him for a brief moment, taking a sip of her Paloma as her friend went on to talk about the floral arrangements at the celebration.

"Orchids who would have thou– gotta go." Her eyes wide, scurrying away from her without another word – leaving y/n dumbfounded.

"Hey."

Y/n jumped at the low voice that spoke behind her.

He had enough of their silent game, finally finding the courage to approach her – all with the help of Chan's nagging of course. He nearly stumbled on his own feet when his friend lightly shoved him towards the direction of the girl, reaching up to loosen his tie as he made his way to the her.

"I uh– Hansol." He held his hand out, the same soft smile he had been sending her on his lips.

"Y/n." She took his hand in hers. "I thought I would have to wink at you another time before you made your way over."

Shyly rubbing the back of his neck, Hansol let out a soft chuckle. "I'm shy."

"Me too, but my drink gave me a little boost of confidence." She brought her glass up to their eye line.

"Glad it did." He hummed. "You look beautiful, by the way."

Now it was her turn to blush, looking down at her feet to hide the redness of her cheeks.

They were absolutely pathetic.

Flirting like two shy teenagers.

"You're beautiful too." She smiled, meeting his eyes once again.

God, his stare could easily melt her into a puddle.

"Thank you?" His held tilted at the compliment, being the first time to be called beautiful by anyone.

"Would you prefer being called cute?"

"Beautiful is fine." He nodded, his smile had now grown to a full one.

Yep, definitely putty in his hands.

"There's no plus one I have to worry about, right?" Hansol didn't know where this boost of confidence had come from, not wanting to miss another opportunity of getting to know the girl stood before him.

She shook her head no.

"No one will be mad if I asked for your number?"

"Not a single soul."

"Perfect.

[w0oin]

Tim got a boyfriend. A civil boyfriend. Fuck. Shit Ra al ghul for still obsessing over Tim and kidnapped the said boyfriend. Ra al ghul didn't do anything to Danny until Tim got there as Red Robin ofc. Danny was gagged and all very panic(?) for his life (maybe). All the Batfam are there, they didn't know Tim has a boyfriend well now they know and that said boyfriend is about to be used to had a boyfriend. Ra al ghul kidnapped this boy becuz well to make Tim suffer and maybe blackmailing to agreeing to give him a heir by marrying his ppl. Welp changed plan let stab and dip this kid. Tim watches as Danny falls into the pit. "NO! PLEASE DANNY!" Bruce had almost got Ra's but failed to safe him. Tim kneed near the pit with heavy heart. Fuck it. If Danny going to came out dead he'll so gonna kill ra's if he came out evil he's still going to kill Ra-

"EWWWWW FUCK THIS SHIT IS DISGUSTING! WTF EWEWEWEWEW–! I smell like A newly opened can of surströmming!"

Proceeds to puke in the Lazarus Pit. "Tim i swear to ancient you don't end that fucker i wil-" he couldn't finished to words Tim already pulling him out of the pit.

[sourjabloki]

should I run a million miles

away from every memory of you?

let that be a lesson to me

think not with my heart but with my head

— autoheart - sailor

[damage-ko]

If I, some rando, were to be in charge of the Murderbot show 1. It would be animated. 2. It would be framed from the perspective of Murderbot retelling its story to us. So it would have drones the whole time that most of the footage would be shot through, or stationary surveillance cameras or from its own perspective. Very found footage. During silly moments we'd get future Murderbot's internal monologue VO and during serious moments that would subside to let the audience live in that moment. But most importantly, every time MB had its helmet off in the first book, it would be shot from behind or there would be a convenient leaf or something over their face. It gets to the point that you can tell it's deliberate. That finally changes when it makes the decision at the end of All Systems Red to go off on its own, only then do you see its face as an act of self determination and vulnerability.

[tswwwit]

I don't think we talk enough about how Dipper being infinitely reincarnated, and therefore dying an infinite amount of times, impacts Bill too. We're talking about someone who loved a human so much he held off on taking over the world, and later decided that he wanted to spend every single lifetime this person has by his side, pretty much meaning he'll NEVER take over Earth. Bill loves him so much, and he's willing to do whatever it takes to make sure he never has to go through life again without Dipper by his side.

But that also means witnessing an infinite number of deaths. It has me thinking, you said before that Dipper remembers dying and sometimes it impacts him in his next life. So how does watching your soulmate constantly get ripped to shreds or drowned or stabbed affect someone as cold and malicious as Bill? I had kind of a funny idea where seeing Dipper's insides one too-many times results in some short-term unease that Bill didn't originally feel when blasting someone to bits. Usually, letting some guy's guts splatter across the walls is a fun time! But all the inside stuff is the same for most humans, and Bill's seen Dipper die at least 60 times at this point. Seeing all that human blood and those bones and organs just draws back to the bad memories, to the point where he annoys himself trying to find other ways to torture people *without* getting elbow deep in their liver. And he's coming up frustratingly empty handed.

[doktordismemberment]

Brain Puke: Empty Human Outline

There's definitely a frustration that comes with doing a webzine that almost no one reads, making music that almost no one listens to, being middle aged, getting ghosted by labels, feeling awkward and out of step with pretty much everyone everywhere, and generally trying to keep pushing forward and doing creative shit in a world where you've got no family, one friend, and you've been stuck in a weird "survival mode" glue-trap holding pattern so long that it feels permanent.

I used to get pissed off and rage about it, but at some point I just kinda went numb and started focusing on shit it felt like I had any control over, and after a few years I can see that focusing on stuff like learning to play drums, learning a bit of music theory, working out, and spending more time with DD has vastly improved my quality of life, but man oh man... The loneliness still hits hard and the bad days still really fucking hurt.

[trentcrimminallybeautiful]

hey wouldn't it be a fucked up backstory if trents dad was a football coach

[purvlereign]

I don’t think we talk about how global black culture is. Like, EVERYONE wants to be a nigga but they don’t want the hardships that comes along with it.

[nicodrawings]

Part of the teen AU I’m having fun with They’re waiting on Omar.