#bre i am blaming your for this i hate you

[apassingbird]

guess you could say it was a graveyard smash

[pvtchurch]

14.) whats your favorite part of this story/project?

21.) you have been given unlimited funds to make your story idea a reality. what are you sparing no expenses for?

23.) describe how everyones character gets butchered once in the public eye?

14.) whats your favorite part of this story/project?

all of it? I love the vision that I have and I love my characters and I am just so excited for it

21.) you have been given unlimited funds to make your story idea a reality. what are you sparing no expenses for?

I'm gonna mix this one with the question about adaptations. because if I had infinite money I would make it into a movie or a play, and I would pay soooo much just for the set design. because I have this really specific idea in mind for what the general vibe is (retrofuturistic with a side of "this city is alive and it grows") and I would love for that to be conveyed properly.

basically I'm very inspired by the set of the film Phase that takes place on a "spaceship" built in the late 70s. no my story does not take place in space but I would love to have something like that. (I'm not good at set design but it is sort of reflected in the way my characters dress, lugh being very 60s and bres being very 80s chic)

23.) describe how everyones character gets butchered once in the public eye?

lugh would be hated because he got greedy and fell into the hands of a cult... so they would be victim blaming him and saying everything was his fault. which is true, to be fair. but he got manipulated and I think people would overlook that because he's annoying.

bres' entire character would get worn down to "hot idiot" I think. which isn't exactly wrong because he IS hot and makes some very rash choices that lead to... *gestures* but people would just ignore the pressure that got put on him as a kid that led to him making those choices. (I think. I don't know how I will write him yet. it's very complicated and a lot of detail 😭) but I think in general they would like him

and nuada would get poor little meow meowed which I am not totally against because hot evil women go brrrrr

[friendlylocalwhumper]

content warning: heavily referenced and implied noncon.

“Lux - honey, it’s okay, you’re okay, just breathe.”

Lux trembles violently, muffled whines sounding from behind the duct tape over his mouth. Tears soak Emory’s shirt just like Lux’s dripping hair, floppy and damp from the shower.

Emory can’t stop replaying the sounds in his head. The shower shutting off with a squeak of the knob, Lux scrabbling for purchase as he was grabbed and hauled out; Lux slipping with the soft thump of his knees to the tiles, crying out - the duct tape finally off - his pleas wobbly and melding together almost incoherently. Lux knew that begging wouldn’t make it stop, so these were the panicked instinctual pleas of someone trapped and desperate, not a rational bid for earning mercy.

Emory had promised that it would be okay. When Lux was being pulled off of the bed, shoved onto his feet with cruel grips on his shoulders, and the warlock had tried to twist free, straining to be with Emory again, safe in his arms. He was making awful breathy sounds, he was fighting their captors, certain to get himself hurt worse.

It’s okay, Emory had promised, catching those wild blue eyes. They’re just going to let you take a shower. They won’t hurt you right now, just gonna get clean. You want to feel clean, right, Lux?

Lux had nodded jerkily, then hesitantly fallen still, allowed himself to be guided into the bathroom. Emory could see through the doorway as two hands gripped Lux by the shoulders to hold him in place, two more grasping the pajama pants, the only bit of clothing protecting Lux from greedy eyes and hands. Emory watched as his boyfriend withstood it, stood shaking, naked, arms still bound behind him, the threat of more pain weighing heavy on him. The duct tape was ripped off, and the ziptie binding his wrists cut, and then he was shoved under the shower’s stream of hot water, out of Emory’s sight.

Emory was right: Lux wouldn’t be hurt in the shower. They waited until he was done tremulously cleaning himself of the days of sweat and blood and other things, and then they hurt him all over again on the bathroom floor.

Now Lux is sobbing weakly into Emory’s chest, relatively clean but in so much pain. And his eyes are mostly unfocused, staring off somewhere else as his body reels from the forceful impact of the assault. Emory knows why. He knows that Lux’s first time being hurt like that - his first time, period - was being hurt on a tiled floor, a bathroom floor. He knows that Lux needs so much right now, so much help, so much comfort. Emory is barely able to make a dent, being just as trapped as Lux is.

“I know you’re scared.” Lux whimpers, a fresh shudder tearing through him. He’s been shaking so much that Emory wonders when exhaustion will overtake him, when his muscles will go slack and his body will give up on channelling his fear into the tremors. “I know you didn’t want it. I know it hurts.”

A little sound of miserable agreement is the only answer as the warlock tucks himself closer, trying his best to positively fold himself into becoming one with Emory, hiding against his only source of comfort.

“I think they’re all done for today. You deserve some rest.”

Lux sniffles and then makes a faint frightened sound, sniffling again. Another, louder sound, and he starts twisting, turning his face away from Emory’s shirt to try to find some air. Crying has made it nearly impossible to breathe.

“Hey - hey, it’s okay, Lux! Calm down, stay still, I’ll get that tape off.”

Lux’s eyes go round with shock at that. Emory would take off the duct tape for him? Won’t that be punished? Will Emory be yelled at, or will he just be dragged out so that Lux can be hurt, his muffled cries punishing Emory well enough? The warlock falls still with a shudder.

Emory’s nails dig under the edge of the tape, his other hand grasping Lux’s jaw to keep it steady. Anxious blue eyes watch Emory’s face until they squeeze shut as the tape is ripped off.

Lux’s lips part, and he’s suddenly no longer silent, panting loudly for the air he was unable to draw in.

“E-, Em, th-, thank you… c-c-couldn’, couldn’t bre-eathe…” His voice cracks on every word as he stammers out his croaking thanks.

“It’s so good to hear your voice, Curls.” Emory kisses Lux on the cheek, just as he did when the duct tape was in place. He doesn’t go for a kiss on the lips, sure that Lux wants to breathe well while he can, take advantage of every second that the tape is off.

Lux sinks down to curl against Emory again, burying his face into his boyfriend’s shirt and rubbing his cheek against the soft fabric.

“Feel better, honey?”

“Uh-huh.” The warlock tenses and shifts one of his arms where they’re tied behind him. “Sho-oulders hurt. I, I hurt. A lot.”

“I know. I’m sorry. What they’re doing to you… I wish I could protect you. I’m so sorry this is happening.”

The warlock shakes his head slightly, shifting like he wants to wrap his arms around Emory. “‘s not your fault. I panic a l-lot, but I can take it, and, and I don’t blame you. ‘m glad you’re not getting hurt.”

“Am I doing anything wrong? It’s been hard, when you were in pain, but couldn’t tell me what you wanted… Did I give you what you needed? Do you want less touching, need space?”

“No-“ Lux shudders and tucks himself closer. “No, I w-want - it’s, safe, with you. I want you to hold me. I, I want, I want you to lay on top of me so they can’t t-touch me. I li-, like wh-when you kiss my cheek.”

Emory’s heart skips a beat and his stomach twists at the fear in Lux’s voice. Like he’ll be mocked for saying these things, or like he’ll be denied them. Like it’s silly for him to want more touch, more comfort, to feel some tiny fraction of safety.

“Won’t that hurt your arms if I’m on top of you? Your shoulders?”

“Nnnh, I don’t care, I - don’t want them to look a-at me, or t-touch me, or just - just drag me away so easy, don’t like getting pulled off the b-bed, wa-, want, to stay with you.”

Emory rubs circles in his back as Lux’s breaths catch, dry sobs hitching in his chest. “Okay. I’m gonna help you get on your back, and then I’ll lie down, and we’ll see how your arms feel, okay? You can change your mind at any point.”

Lux nods and then lets Emory turn him over, faint horror flickering in his eyes at being pushed into a position on the bed by someone else. He can’t help it, the chill that strikes through him and twists his gut up. But Emory leans down over him, then lies on top of him carefully, and Lux relaxes instantly. The familiar weight, the smell, Emory’s shirt against his chest - it feels like home. And now most of Lux is blocked from sight. Only Emory can touch him. The bones in his shoulders and arms groan and creak terribly under the weight, but it’s better than being exposed, vulnerable. He hates how light he feels when he’s grabbed, thrown off the bed or shoved into the position they want him in. Now he’s grounded, he’s protected.

“Is this okay?” Emory asks, still holding some of his weight off of Lux. “Are you okay?”

“Hold me,” Lux answers simply, and the weight atop him doubles as Emory stops holding himself up in favor of wrapping his arms around his pinned boyfriend. The warlock wheezes faintly but doesn’t panic at the burden on his ribs, the slight strain on each breath. All he needs is Emory.

[lachiesadispychology]

The things that people personify

article written by Patrizio Dalcoro, www.dalcoro.it

source: https://independentwatchers.ru/it/2020/05/05/the-things-that-people-personify/

“The things that people personify” Church of Spychology ©2020 Original Title: Le cose che le persone personificano written by Patrizio Dalcoro on May 05th,2020 in Taranto, Italy

we publish the majority of our contents only on our headquarter: www.independentwatchers.ru There is an automatic translation too: so you can learn from an Italian Master. Write to Patrizio Dalcoro in english too: patriziodalcoro@protonmail.com and subscribe to http://www.independentwatchers.ru to receive special gifts for our network of subscribers.

this translation in only a DRAFT. Translated from Italian. The original is in Italian: https://independentwatchers.ru/it/2020/05/05/le-cose-che-le-persone-personificano/

My experiences on the earth star are enough for you to change. Mine are not words of succubus but of saint. Mine are not mere inventions of a man of letters. Mine are words that derive from a saint. Mine is a dynasty. The dynasty to which I belong is Christified. The holy dynasty of which I speak is called holy by those who have the power to assign status. On the Earth star they assign all the titles with satanic recognitions. My words are not anyone’s. My words with discernment of conscience whose work began when someone told me about it. Mine are words of a conscious being. The consciousness that I developed comes from Slabs of Light. My words are holy. My words are separated with holy merits. Dear friends, know that whoever writes, even who writes, is attentive to what he says, narrates it to his animal mind, which looks at it with loud criticisms, so if nevertheless I continue to write it is not because I feel comfortable at the mere presage that someone may blame me for stars that I don’t have. I am not an impostor, I channel messages that I sanctify. Mine are the publication of a Christ Christified on earth alive. Mine are words of one who sanctified his life by separating himself from the world. Holiness is not in sex – in seclusion from sex – and from the world but certainly not having to do damned with sex is a prelude to holiness, to the separation of the holy institutes of marriage from what you are all used to assisting in your lives. Satanic couples marry separated since birth from Slabs of Light and follow the infernal path of beauty and sex. The superficiality of many couples is measured by the choice of the partner who is – you see – the only subject that belongs to their circle deserving to be their saint. Couple holiness is seen at least once. My couple crumbled when I started to follow a Christian path. My couple separated when I started to Christify myself with actions of discernment and awareness. The words of Christ are not the heritage of any religion. The knowledge of Father Jehovah is transversal, it is found everywhere, just find an animal mind that asks about the Eternal Father. Father Jehovah, gentlemen, is speaking to the Eternal Father. Not others but him. I am not in a mystical crisis, I have not gone to church and I have not said rosaries for too long to be passed off as someone satanically possessed by the energy of possession of some eggregore or lesser god. I do not have access to the Christian egregore, to the fantasy of the world according to Catholics, to the mortal following of the Christ who died on the cross. I access the ranks of angels that the words they suggest bring them as messengers directly from the Father, to whom not even I can access only because of the flesh that contaminates me with non-pure thoughts. The meat is not one hundred percent controllable and the purity of plates of light is not accessible as long as one is in sanctified meat. But however beings of light know how to communicate through the holy selection of souls worthy of the mixture of Slabs of Light with the Human Being. The Father becomes flesh, know it, not once did he do it, but a thousand and a thousand times! He did it first with THE CREATION OF TERRESTRIAL PARADISE. God became flesh in Adam first god. His wife Eva greets everyone because – they confirm – that they never came out of the Father, never, because they were the representation of God and the knowledge of Good and Evil had consubstantial. There has never been a separation between Jehovah and the First Holy Man because Jehovah can be represented in your heads as a perfect man and woman. The philosophy that I explain to you is the only battle against saints on the contrary who pretend to be theologians. Mine is a high proof of competence in areas that require saints of years of Christ discernment for the world. The words that will be christified are only the words of saints. Things that happened to Paolo di Stella also happened to me. The Pauline story is only fiction, know it. The star Paul succeeded Peter. The holy church refers to sublime messages from some stars. The things written in the gospels are true but must be studied. They are symbolic, highly symbolic and non-literal. However, bless three times the God of Abraham who allowed me not to remain in the holy inquisitions of my son as a child – says Jehovah – who suggested to me what to do so as not to die in spirit and not to damage me with Catholic theology. Colleagues of priests were not able to sanction me for suggestions of light but only for catechisms of satanic stars. My words are astral. Like Paolo’s, and I never allowed myself to write about these things at this level of study, but already at the age of twenty-five I was writing about researchers of the law of light on earth. Or gods Earth Law Researchers. My adventure on earth in the philosophical and religious field begins with the entrance into the Temple of Light called Saint to many demons. The only temple of light is the Wisdom, my holy wisdom led me to ascend the Holy Throne of Jehovah through the Christic entry into celestial masonry. My stay in the Satanic Lodge of the Saint in Black Slabs called the Italian Masonic Association – Jehovah does not indulge me and does not make me write his own name -: nobody has anything to do with it for my sanctification. I just went to look at the holy explanations given by those who know nothing about Christ about the Holy Slab of Light that I alone represent. So they tell me to write and I do not bring condemnation, because I bend to the will of the Saint of Saints. Christ makes you a saint you want or don’t want. Mine was only an apparent choice, those who were able to teach that saints become saints by choice are not Christ’s. There is no choice in following one’s Father Jehovah. The Mother of Men is called Jeva. Sometimes I am wrong to write and write Jeva, but it is only because they also speak of the Madonna above. His holy generation belongs to me. My magic dynasty can grab thieves of light and destroy them. The Christic images of the imperial following were sanctified to me through alchemical symbols in the animal mind with axioms undetectable by myself until the time when Heavenly Father did not present himself with his name. Jehovah exists and comes with name and surname when you hear it as you are instructed to do it because he has granted it. Nobody listens to our Father without sanctification. Nobody can know my Father unless he sanctifies himself. Jehovah: I heard clearly, the energy named Jehovah resounded in the subconscious. Jehovah. God does not make himself heard only to damned men, the rest of them were confident that the Father is well enjoys excellent health has never died, and not even the Saint of Saints the King of Heaven and Earth named Jesus Christ has never been on the land to die. Its light energy has been here embellishing this world. The name of Christ can be declined as you like but the reference can only be given to one who is the Father. The holy satanic trinity must be examined with the eyes of a Christified believer and it can be said that personal research confirms that my feeling is correct in the eyes of those with a sincere heart who begins to tell themselves everything they already know about the Father. Christ is in the Father proceeds through the work of Man and the Spirit of the Father. Man is only the holy one. Holy man is not the humanoid you all know and whom you meet at home or in the subway or in churches or concerts.

The words of Christ can be heard and transcribed. Jehovah’s Words are always available. The words that interpret today’s scriptures and times can be heard directly from the Father there is no need for others there is no need for Satan to suggest salvation that does not work. People who pretend to be Slabs of Light will be bitten by the dogs of angry angels. The times are exactly these that you are hailing as a new era. Mine are the Words of a Saint and in less troublesome times it was said in a dream, in 2016, that the end of the world had just begun. They referred to me not to the world. The end of my human existence, of my apocalypse, began in 2016. In 2016 I was separated by force from satan, I was torn from the human woman, I was torn from the working positions of ordinary men, I was torn away by force from all those damned ideologies, I was snatched from the man and woman who play the role of Father and Mother on earth by pretending to be parents, everything was kidnapped. My profession of faith is that of a Saint who no longer has a Father and no longer has Mother Neri. Yes now I only have one Mother and she is white, she is the Madonna you know, but you deeply hate, just see how you behave with the madonnas of the children of Jehovah. Women are mistreated not only in everyday life but in everything. Sanctified people hate the human woman more than anything else because not even the woman wants to be more woman. The parent of the satanic world now wants to do something else. The satanic cravings of men who have torn Christ from their mother’s breasts are the malformation of a human species that will end up destroyed if it does not pass to Father Jehovah. To the Father of Light. To the Holy Bread that came down from Heaven. Really holy are those words that describe the infallibility of the Father: How the Rain and Snow Come Down from Heaven and Do Not Return to It Without Leaving the Sign – I Will Always Teach – says Jehovah – of Things That Will Make Everyone Recognize Where the Truth is and Where the Father is Every man.

© 2020 on earth it is I who explain these words therefore the Author is Patrizio Dalcoro

Spychology Church – © 2020

© 2020, Patrizio Dalcoro. All rights reserved.

[margridarnauds]

XVI. The Tower and XXII. The Fool please!

Thanks!

XVI. The Tower: Do you easily change your opinion on matters? What makes you lose faith in other people? Is there anything, or anyone you feel safe with?

Do you easily change your opinion on matters?

I don’t really think I change my opinion TOO much, at its base, if that makes any sense? When I’m around people, I do find myself molding myself into what the conversation requires, or at least shutting myself up unless it’s something that I find truly deplorable/can back up easily, but I think it takes a lot for my own personal opinion to change. Except for that one day or so when I woke up a conservative Methodist and went to bed as a liberal (alright I was “libertarian” but that went down the drain fast) atheist. That was a fun time. In my research, I try to keep an open mind, but I’ll own to my own confirmation bias. I can say “This is a good paper, you make good arguments,” but…do I fully accept it in my mind? No. But also I tend to see things more in shades of gray to a potentially annoying extent as it is, so when I change my opinion, it’s…not necessarily a matter of saying “This thing has some bad points” it’s “This thing’s bad points now outweigh its good points in my mind.” Part of why I ultimately chose lit over history as my focus was that I like that there’s not really a press for an Ultimate Truth in lit, in the sense that everything’s much more open to interpretation, whereas history tends to pressure more for definite ARGUMENTS. 

What makes you lose faith in other people?

It’s odd, because losing faith in people, for me, is rarely a matter of ONE single thing. I try to give people second and third chances, I tend to brush off that little niggling, “Something’s not right here” feeling, etc. So, when I finally lose faith, it’s a Big Thing, but it’s also not one that I can solidly put down to a single thing, which also makes it very hard when I’m trying to build a timeline in my head. Betrayal, lies, cruelty (though I do TRY to understand that people can have bad days, but…it doesn’t ERASE it, you know?), willful ignorance, finding out that they support things that I find personally deplorable, all the things that you’d really expect. 

(Funny story there: For ages I didn’t get crushes. Not one. Then, I got a strange…thing on a guy in my German class. Not a straight-up crush, but I LIKED him in a way that was slightly more than platonic. And I was like, “Okay, I’m bi instead of ace after all.” Then, I found out he supported Trump and he made some insanely transphobic and biphobic comments under the guise of “debate” because he was That Guy. /Crush, and that was basically the last time I got a crush on a guy. My brain just went “nein.”) 

It’s also really, really hard if I’d previously really trusted and looked up to someone and that happens. That’s really when I start wondering if there’s something wrong with *me* or if I’m over-exaggerating things to suit my own narrative. 

Is there anything, or anyone you feel safe with?

My dogs, my cats, my mom, for the most part, though she does have the little habit of telling my aunt things in the name of “family unity” when I had meant for it to be a personal matter. See: When I begged her not to tell my aunt I’m an atheist because my aunt is REALLY STAUNCHLY conservative, when I begged her not to tell her that I wanted to get out of the country because of the situation at home + politically, etc. 

Safety is a generally relative concept, anyway; I can trust that my mom and aunt won’t abandon me to be raised by wolves and will be there for me when I need them barring a huge catastrophe, I can trust that my mom can help me work through an anxiety attack and keep a solid 80% of my secrets, I can trust that my friends can handle my various eccentricities and questionable sense of humor, and I can trust that my dogs and cats will be with me no matter what because I’m the one who feeds them and gives them scritches. 

It’s all much less depressing than it sounds. 

XXII. The Fool: How much weight do you give to other people’s opinion? What is an adventure you were part of - or you wish you could be part of? Is there something you have an endless passion for? 

How much weight do you give to other people’s opinion?

I blame it on the bullying, but I have this odd…thing where I simultaneously have an “I don’t give a fuck” and “I give every fuck” attitude to people’s opinions. Like, on one hand, there’s probably not been a single feature of mine that’s not been ripped to pieces at some point. I mean, I had comics drawn of me having sex with my cats by my best friend at the time when I was 12 years old. It was a lovely, lovely period in my life. And, as a result, I think I developed a very self-deprecating sense of humor, as well as the idea that, well, I’ll be ripped to shreds no matter what, so I might as well express myself and damn the consequences. 

Well…that and being homeschooled for most of my high school years. It’s astonishing how much your opinions and interests can diverge if you’re not under the pressure to necessarily conform.  

But, at the same time, it also made me sensitive to personal criticism, as I have this idea that everyone hates me and is just being polite, that I’m really annoying, etc. One of the things that actually devastated me in college was reading teacher feedback, because even though I knew they were just trying to help me become a stronger academic, the thought that they might find me…wanting in some way stung. Especially when it was teachers that I really respected and looked up to. (Which, tbh, was all my teachers because I have a painful…thing when it comes to authority figures and trying to appease them and-Oh God I’m actually Peyrol minus the homicide, erratic temper, and questionable BDSM. That and our faculty was lovely.) I legit had to have my mom read the feedback, because I wanted to have it filtered and I was, like, worried one of them would say, “Rachel, you are a disgrace to the Humanities program and this school. This paper is shit. Goodbye” or something. 

I’Il often find myself softening my opinions or keeping silent if I feel like it could be dangerous, or if it might affect someone’s view of me, and I’m hyper-sensitive about, say, pauses in a conversation, because I’ll be like, “Oh, I’ve done it now.” And then in the next second, I’ll reblog, “FUCK OFF ANTIS” on my blog because, again, it’s a strange duality…thing with me. 

What is an adventure you were part of - or you wish you could be part of?

Oh, God, I’ve had some wild times. There’s the time that we were moving and ended up driving over a thousand miles overnight in a fifteen passenger van because we had 17 cats, two birds, and a bunny with us. And then had to travel BACK the next day because we had business to attend to back in our old place. 

OR the time that my late uncle lost his keys on a rollercoaster at Busch Gardens and so we ended up having to travel over three hours from where we live to rescue him, which is how we ended up meeting his boyfriend for the first time. 

OR the time that we picked up the youngest of our three dogs, Riley, when we ran into a curb less than ten minutes out, encountered various and assorted technical issues during the ~4 hours of the rest of the trip, and THEN when we were going back I had my hands nearly nibbled to death by an overeager puppy who was excited by the prospect of new friends. (This is how we met the nice old lady who gave me the money for the Toho 1789 + Riley is a sweet dog once he’s settled, so it was #WorthIt)

I really, really want to get out of the States, travel to different places around the world…see more musicals. Definitely see more musicals. I’m very aware of how limited my experience is, not having ever been out of my own country. (Unless you count briefly being over Canada when I was en route to Alaska, which I don’t.) I would love to go to Ireland and see some of the places mentioned in the various myths that I’ve read so much about, possibly embarrass myself by crying over Bres’ grave; I’d love to hit up the Tower of London or Versailles; go to either a Toho or Takarazuka musical in Japan (If and when my Japanese improves beyond「 アメリカ人です 」since I’d really rather be able to show my face in public). See snow again, maybe, since I do miss it.

 My old college offered study abroad trips to Oxford over the summer and I REALLY wanted to go, but, alas, it was insanely expensive + I wasn’t entirely sure about how much I would be able to enjoy myself if I had schoolwork to do, since I’d end up focusing on making that perfect rather than actually appreciating the trip. 

Alternatively: The Ghost Tour at Saint Augustine. I want to go on it SO MUCH. 

Is there something you have an endless passion for? 

Any of the musicals I’ve been lucky to get into (Especially. The one. You know the one. The one that I don’t even need to mention given that it consumes about 80% of my brain power at any given point), anything related to Irish Mythology, especially when it comes to my boy Bres, the French Revolution even though it also scares me because the scope of it’s so large and I never really feel like I make progress in it, female villainesses who can kill me and I would thank them (which is…a disturbingly large amount, actually). 

In general, I’m the type of person who develops special interests where I’ll become OBSESSIVE over learning everything I can about something and kind of latch onto it, so anything I’ve developed that for kind of goes here by default. 

And my dogs. Because they’re Good Bois (+ one Good Girl) and I honestly am not sure where I’d be atm without them. And my cats for tolerating my shit for this long. 

[sortamalicioussummaries]

Summary 19

Summary of:  April 20th, 2017(Worms)

———————————————————-

Happy almost-birthday, Dmitri!

At Dmitri’s request, Ryan named his worms after mods, then proceeded to misspell Dmitri’s name.

Me:  Way to ruin Dmitri's birthday, Haywood.

tinybear93:  Sorry Ryan hates you, Dmitri.

"This is how wars are lost.” -Me, 2017, after Ryan leaves the game, unpaused, to check on his daughter.

Cher and dawg stream!

Me:  This is the best Ryan has ever done at worms.

CriaTheLlama:  @syberiawinx How do you manage to roast Ryan every stream.  OMG, LOL. 

Wendino’s punning it up again. : P

Ryan is killing Dimitri and totally blaming it all on him. D :

Good luck to Cria and Bre in their endeavors!

Welp, Ryan killed Dmitri again.

Me:  Suggestion:  Do better at this.

weesna123:  @SyberiaWinx Have you ever thought about going into education?

Me:  @weesna123 The only person I educate is Ryan. 

Pecan Wars!  Which side are you on?

Dammit, Dmitri!

No signal.  Well, it wouldn’t be a Ryan stream without technical difficulties, right?

He keeps messing around with stuff, then sitting back down, saying, “And now it’s got a signal.”.

...it doesn’t.

An ad!!!!!!!!

"People are singing both 'Be A Man' from Mulan and 'Don’t Stop Me Now' by Queen.....  Incredible" -KatPad, 2017 

Me:  Be a worm, you must be used to dying a lot.  Be a worm, because Ryan's playing, I'm so sorry.  With all the flame of a big explosion, hey, at least he got your name right this time.   Time is racing towards us, til the worms explode.  Heed his every order, but you won't survive.  You're suited for the rage of war, but he's not, go home, you're through.  Before he, makes a splat, out of yooooou.

nissa1782:  @SyberiaWinx *applauds*

weesna123: @SyberiaWinx *clap clap clap clap clap*

Ryan is destroying Allison and Frizzical’s marriage over pecans.

Aaaaaaand Dmitri’s dead again.

Dmitri is praising Wolfie and placing all the blame on Dmitri. ;-;

brochuplayzz:  Can someone fill me in on what happened.  I left for 5 minutes.

Me:  @brochuplayzz  Dmitri sucks, and Wolfie is a god.

brochuplayzz:  @SyberiaWinx Thanks.

Me:  @brochuplayzz Always happy to help.

"I AM the Senate.” -PeglegSailor, 2017

Ryan did his best to ruin “sunflower”, but I still think he could have done better.  The new safeword is “bookshelf”.

The dog is the spotter for Ryan as he tries to figure out how to do squats with dumbbells.

Ryan may not win, but at least he...DmiTRIED.

All the mods are dead.

There's a tiny little Groot in this Geico commercial! D :

Restart, restart, restart.

Allison0128:  Ryan needs a hug.

Ryan:  I don’t need a hug-I need a lot of dead worms!

Today’s Mission............................Failed(But It’s All Dmitri’s Fault)

[tsunamirains]

Rambles, part 8

Ugh…

1) I just got annoyed as fuck.

AND I DID IT TO MYSELF!

Ugh……

2) I’m so tired of thinking about him! I’m tired of checking almost everyday! I’m tired of just getting fuckin mad whenever some memory of him comes about! I’m tired of him being on my mind!!!

3) I split my thumb nail and it was too far down to tear like I usually do. So I decided to do the bandage trick.

Store didn’t have any nail glue. So I got super glue

Used the wrong part of the tea bag.

Squeezed the super glue too hard and now I have lint on my fingers.

But my nail is patched up!

4) I really don’t want to see my friend because all they are is a distraction. A good one, but one nonetheless.

5) I really wish the person I want to be will just show up and replace me as I am. I don’t care for growth or goals or any of that anymore. I’m just tired.

6) To try to make peace with the world when you were the chaos to begin with.

7) I haven’t been eating well or much lately, but my account sure has been declining lol

8) Stop it. I will not approach something knowing my heart is going to hurt right after. This has happened over and over and over again. This isn’t about fear, this about me no longer wanting to look stupid.

9) I’m tired.

10) I’m tired!

11) I’M TIRED!

12) I’M SO FUCKIN TIRED!!

13) I can’t draw worth shit lol

14) No one is born a leader. Ever. Everyone was a follower. Not everyone can be a leader, that doesn’t mean they don’t posses leadership skills.

15) Find you someone that is going to want to keep motivating you instead of calling you lazy and comparing you to people.

Find you someone who is going to understand once you feel disrespected that you have a different way of apologies. (I read that there are 5 languages of apology. We all want to be apologized in a certain way. And we all apologize a different way.)

16) *refer back to #4**** Well….I like being around them. They’re just always busy. I like attention. I’m trying to distract myself, but it always goes back to #2 and then I get angry.

17) DAMN RIGHT I’M STILL MAD! I’M STILL BITTER!

DAMN RIGHT I AM STILL HURT!

That’s not just because I’m still holding on to shit that went down a long time ago, but shit that has happened recently. 

I never made someone look like the bad guy. I hate confrontation and I hate it between people I know. I will always play mediator. I will always blame myself before I blame anyone in my party. But it’s like this person didn’t have my back from the beginning. Shit hurts.

18) I get it. I fucked up….I still feel that pain and this person doesn’t need that baggage from me.

18.5) I’m tired of carrying baggage to other people hoping they’ll help me unpack.

All they do is fuckin condemn me for even having baggage at all. Compare me to people who doesn’t have that baggage even though we went on the same trip.

Always making me feel like something is wrong with me because I’m not like everyone else

FUCK YOU AND YOUR COMPARISONS.

19) Peace of Mind by Lauren Hill has been a go to recently.

20) When someone expresses their pain, it is not about playing victim. Some times they just want to air out everything they’ve been holding on to for so long. Things they’ve been feeling angry, guilty, sad or whatever about to someone who is going to tell them:

“It’s alright. What did you learn? Do better now, you got it. Fuck what the world say.”

21) This ramble series was definitely more to myself than the world. But I still have an audience.

22) I actually had more to add lol

23) I still have YET to see Black Panther.

I was going to go by myself, but my friend won’t let me 😒

Says to wait on them so they can see my perspective on black excellence basically lol (Not their words)

24) Yo Safaree was fucked up as hell for kicking Bre off the song.

Why the fuck you let her get hype for the release party just to have her be embarrassed like that. That was fucked up

25) I’ve had a thought for a painting for  while and naturally you should sketch it out first.

*refer back to #13**** 

26) I hate I envision stuff and I can never get what I want. Even when I try and try.

[tori10rambles]

Secret Ending 2 is done! I'm finally done with the main storylines! now onto various Bad Ends, BREs, and getting every answer selection into my Extras section sans anything that gives me a Seven Heart Break because I'm in too deep.

Like the other Secret Ending reaction post, this post is in order of Episodes, and not character.

Episode 1

Welp, if treatment depends on Saeran's cooperativity, he's not getting out for a while

And you know, of COURSE he was drugged to the gills. I knew Mint Eye was drugging him, but the fact that the doctors are amazed he isn't brain dead...

Suicide? That bitter, crazy woman? idk if I believe that...

Their dad... Prime Minister. Well fuck. I wanted to have words with him.

No! Secret Keeping is NOT of the good! Just tell Zen and Yoosung the truth!

Smol!Saeran! No! That absolute bitch! Your children are awesome!

Saeran's sky obsession is interesting!. And you know, the fact that this is legit all the boy wants to do when he's out of his mother's thumb. God.

Well no shit Saeyoung would get mad if you told him you thought you'd die before you were free, Saeran! That man is nothing if not protective of you

No but the fact that his favorite food is ice cream, which was probably the only treat he got to share with Saeyoung outside and away from their mother. Jesus.

Your mom is a bitch. If she weren't dead...

Looking at these guys and their past relationship, compared to their present, makes my heart HURT.

Rika's manipulations, man. I just... there's nothing that can excuse this.

y new hc: Saeran is like a prickly hedgehog in human form.

The fact that he apparently doesn't want to hurt his brother, but is doing so to protect himself. My god.

I WANT TO HUG THIS POOR BOY.

Episode 2

Ugh! That Saeran actually believed in his brother! That they'd get out and be free together...

The more I hear about their mother... ARGH!

He was so dehydrated he couldn't cry.

He felt that half of him was torn away! Ugh!

Buying the apartment to use as an RFA office? interesting...

Saeyoung, you could never trouble me.

Well no shit he isn't mentally stable.

The fact that Saeyoung is putting his brother's mental health before his need to see that Saeran is okay with his own eyes... I'm so proud of him. Also that he's not ashamed of said mental health services

No shit Saeran wasn't going to take medicine anymore.

I knew it, Vanderwood and Saeyoung like giving each other shit.

lololol, anyone who thought Saeyoung wasn't wrapped around MC's finger is obviously wrong.

The pure amount of misunderstandings in the Choi family. Jesus.

I don't think going is the BEST option, but it's probably the only option now.

Episode 3

While I'm glad Rika and V got Saeran out... what happens afterwards pisses me off SO BADLY.

I'm glad Saeyoung didn't immediately sign those forms.

Look, at this point, I don't think Saeran is saying aything Saeyoung hasn't already thought about himself.

Welp, suicidal twins, yay. -.- This only adds to my hc that these two have similar mental illnesses, but different symptoms

The fact that Saeran is apparently hurting himself when he hurts Saeyoung, but doesn't acknowledge/recognize it as such...

lololol, unstoppable force, meet immovable object. who will win? (def Saeyoung, I bet)

I STILL can't believe Rika isn't behind bars. And that no one's told Yoosung and Zen the truth yet.

Episode 4

Saeran the human hedgehog. Curling up and preparing himself for disappointment because he can't survive another betrayal.

So... video games calmed Saeran down.

Saeyoung totally took the vase to make sure Saeran couldn't hurt himself.

How great of a manipulator Rika is: all her cultists think it's V's fault, and the man's dead.

I can understand why Zen and Yoosung want to help Rika, but NOPE.

Saeyoung! I realize the psychiactric ward may not be a nice place, but sneaking your brother out!? We have no professionals to help us with his problems! What if we just make him worse!

Knocking out your brother should NOT be a resort, even a last one! Saeran is totally right to be angry at you. I'M angry at you!

Episode 5

THIS IS WHERE THOSE PHOTOS CAME FROM!

The fact that those photos were made specifically for Saeyoung... that the smiles were supposed to keep him happy, not an actual expression of joy... the irony... it kills me.

Goddamnit, this is how Saeran got into hacking...

The fact that Saeyoung is basically doing the same things everyone else has done to Saeran, even with the best of intentions... 

This boy is so goddamn depressed. I cannot.

The fact that Jumin considers his life relatively normal...

These brothers... I legit cannot live if these two are unhappy. Just let these brothers be fucking happy for once!

Episode 6

Goddamn it, Zen. That is the WORST psychic dream you've had yet in these routes. Mostly because RIKA NEEDS TO ANSWER FOR WHAT SHE DID. But then, it's also the rest of the RFA's fault for not explainin things to you and Yoosung.

Saeyoung, take care of Saeran first. And yourself. I... kind of don't want to see him right now anyway? Like, I know he's your brother, but he's also the dude who threatened me? I also have issues I need to work out, so more time is awesome.

Also, I know nothing's gonna happen without Saeran around anyway.

SOMEONE EXPLAIN SHIT TO THE TWO IN THE DARK. PLEASE. IT'S SECRETS AND MISUNDERSTANDINGS THAT STARTED THIS SHIT IN THE FIRST PLACE.

FUCK HE ACTUALLY TRIED TO COMMIT SUICIDE!? NO!

Oh thank god.

Saeyoung's life will never get better if you leave, Saeran. The man will only blame himself.

And you know, attempted fratricide, which surprises no one.

WELL NO SHIT HE REGRETS LEAVING YOU THERE!!!! 

YES. ASK THOSE QUESTIONS. Just please, listen to his answers, and don't just automatically dismiss them.

He's not saying that your pain is meaningless or a fantasy! Just that now you can heal from it.

The fact that Saeyoung was the optimist of the pair... 

the fact that Saeran is thinking about believing Saeyoung again. Oh thank GOD.

Episode 7

I can't believe Rika's off getting REAHBILITATED while everyone else is picking up the pieces. I mean, I'm glad she's getting treatment, but what about her cultists? Saeran? The RFA? It seems unfair.

The day i let go of what Rika did is the day I die.

...I guess I can't say I'm surprised Saeyoung did that to the investigation file, but still. I HATE the idea that Rika doesn't get to try and defend her actions, and that everyone's left without closure.

I feel like the surprise of the proposal is ruined, but honestly, I also feel like Saeyoung would've been a mess of nerves and freak MC out by not mentioning the proposal.

The fact that the 2nd after end's credits is the opening, and a slideshow of CGs from Saeyoung's route + Secret Endings just reinforces my belief that he's the "True End" and that the song is his POV of things.

I am glad Saeran looks like he’s better, but the recklessness of... basically everyone’s actions in these Secret Endings. Jesus.

Also, these Deep Story boys work fast.

I am now going to try and get that LAST SEVEN CG from the Christmas DLC, then go on to the Bad Ends, BREs, and getting every phone call/answer option for my extras folder.