#bsd will actually be my downfall

[randomclovers]

!!CHAPTER 109 SPOILERS!!

so chapter 109 right

[pillow-anime-talk]

Hiii! Can i request prompt 7 with Fyodor?

# tags: scenario; current relationship; light romance; fluff; ooc!fyodor; reader is a hacker; sfw

includes: gender neutral reader ft. fyodor dostoyevsky {bsd}

author’s note: hii! of course! i really like him!

7. “You’re so dumb!” “No? You’re dumb.”

There were nights during which Fyodor would stay up until dawn, looking for helpful tips, information and names to make his plan successful for him and his associates. Sometimes he sat until 1 a.m. with a cup of already chilled coffee, and sometimes he stared at the bright screen of the monitor until 8 a.m., with empty vitamin boxes or glasses of half-drunk red wine standing next to him. The mound of sweet candy wrappers was also an everyday sight...

In between all this, all this multitude of numbers, dates and words, there was you: in a warm sweater and fluffy socks, bringing him a nutritious snack from time to time (vegetable sandwiches or fried rice with eggs) or asking if everything was okay. Sometimes you would remind him to drink water or go to the bathroom, and when Fyodor actually agreed with you, he would quickly get up from his chair and go to do his physiological needs.

Then you would sit in his place, enter the appropriate code sequences, then return to the bedroom or living room (depending on the time on watch) and pass the dark-haired man, saying ‘Goodnight’ to him with a light smile or a fleeting kiss.

When Fyodor sat down on the black chair again and continued working, no more than five minutes passed, when various words, symbols or photos appeared on the screen that were an affirmation of him and your relationship; red hearts, photos of kittens touching noses... All this made the young man stunned, and after a while, also slightly amused. On the one hand, he was happy that you were a talented programmer, but on the other, it was his downfall when it was time to make fun of him.

The lines of code that corresponded to given inscriptions or images were deleted automatically, so nothing bad happened to your partner’s work, and you just continued to bury your face in the pillow with a slight smile or read the next page of your favorite book, having in mind the sight of Fyodor with slight blushes on the face.

Then, depending on the time and situation, Fyodor would text you saying “You’re so stupid!” to which you usually responded with a simple “No. You’re stupid. You don’t appreciate my advances...”

It all usually ended in quiet laughter or a war of nicknames and emojis.

[myboyherodotus]

BSD Chapter 113 Historical Analysis

Basically, I can put my History and Religious Studies Degree and put that shit to use and do some good for society

Essentially, I think chapter 113 left us clues for hinting at the bigger themes of Bungo Stray Dogs and possibly some insight into Fyodor's motivation for being caught by Bram. This might get long so buckle up bitch.

OH AND I THINK I FIGURED OUT THE EXACT YEAR THE DUNGEON MEMORY TAKES PLACE

Okay, so the first thing to understand is the contemporary events mentioned in Chapter 113. The guards and Bram mention King Matthias, the Sultan, and the Holy Crusaders.

The Crusades, for those of you who don't know, are a series of so-called Holy Wars whose main objective was the "reclamation" of the Holy Land. However, not all crusades had this objective. There were several crusades within Europe itself. These wars, like the Cathar Crusade, were aimed at driving out paganism or "heretical” sects of Christianity. While the main Crusades happened centuries before the Dungeon scene took place (the first official Crusade happening in 1095) there existed later Crusades that often sought to limit the authority and scope of the Ottoman Empire. Which is also mentioned in the chapter with "Sultan"

Now the Sultan mentioned is Mehemed II, often referred to as the Father of Conquest. He was in power when King Matthias (Matthias was the King of Hungary and Croatia) ruled and often fought to expand Ottoman territory into the lands Matthias ruled.

Now, you know who else was a contemporary ruler? Our boy Vlad Dracul, the inspiration behind Bram Stoker's Dracula.

Now, Vlad Dracul was the ruler of Wallachia, which is basically Romania today. Now it is my belief that Bram Stoker. like a lot of characters in BSD, is inspired by the tale of Dracula and not the actual Bram Stoker. But, I think instead of using the character of Dracula, Asagiri is using Vlad Dracul (also known as Vlad Tepes) as Bram's inspiration. This is for two reasons. 1. The castle depicted in the manga is the same castle Vlad ruled from 2. Bram states that he wants Fyodor skewed like a little shrimpy on the grill. Vlad Dracul got his bloodthirsty reputation by impaling his enemies and leaving their heads on pikes outside his castle for several months at a time. In fact, I forget the exact quote, but a visitor of the castle during Vlad's reign said you could smell the decaying rotten flesh for miles before arriving at the castle. This is why Bram Stoker wrote Dracula based on Vlad Dracul.

Now as for the specific year the memory takes place, I personally believe it takes place in the year 1462, either summer or early fall. Once again this is based on the textual evidence given in the manga... The guards are clearly nervous about the sultan, who we have established is Mehemed II. This guy is responsible for the downfall of the Byzantine (or Eastern Roman Empire) and founded the Ottoman Empire. He also has beef with Vlad since Vlad brutally killed Ottoman envoys sent to Wallachia in an attempt to make Wallachia a vassal state for the Ottomans. Moreover, 1462 was the year that Vlad was imprisoned by King Matthias till his release in 1475. During this time Wallachia was essentially conquered. Vlad died between 1476 and 1477 (the sources don't have a specific date).

Now historically speaking there is reason as to why King Matthias imprisoned Vlad. A letter, which a lot of scholars think was made up, allegedly claimed Vlad pledged his allegiance to the Ottomans to help them conquer Hungary and Croatia. Now, strictly speaking for the events of the manga, having Bram imprisoned and/or taken out of power sounds like something Fyodor would do. So it makes sense that in the manga he would have something to do with Bram being imprisoned. If Bram is imprisoned that is to say since we still don't have clear motives for that.

It should also be noted that Fyodor warns Bram that the "Gods of Warfare come from the West”. historically speaking it was the Ottoman Empire that caused Wallachia problems and not the Holy Roman Empire aka the Romans mentioned in the chapter. The only reason I can think of the guards and Bram suspecting "holy crusaders" and "Romans" is because of their differing religious beliefs. Now Wallachia followed Orthodox Christianity while Romans obviously followed Roman Catholic traditions. Protestantism wasn't a thing yet, but these two groups were already tense and there have been several major conflicts (like the Crusades I mentioned earlier) and schisms within the church.

So, this is the only thing I could think of, but I'm not sure of what Fyodor's play is at here. Maybe he's an immortal being wanting to rid the world of abilities and having Bram Stoker in chaos would help in advance that goal. Maybe he can take people's life forces away like I've seen a lot of people suggest. I don't know. And the whole "come from the West" quote is the one thing throwing me off. Overall, I would love to know if Asagiri used any sources from the period to influence this memory scene, and if so...I wanna know which one's bestie!!

Please let me know what you think! If I just rambled or if my sleep-deprived thoughts and research make any semblance of sense. I would also love to know any fun theories and/or facts you have about this chapter or BSD in general. Also, would pictures be helpful?

[nataliaphantomhivesblog]

What are your current fandoms??

OH MY GOD!!! I WAS WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO ASK ME THIS!! LETS GOOOO🥳🥳🥳

1. Black Butler<3

It would've been incredibly distasteful to not put this beauty on top of my list. I have been a fan of this one since 5th grade, the literal backbone of my insanity.

I may complain monthly over the agnoizingly short chapters, but the narrative and storytelling in this manga is one of my favorites ever.

Although you didn't ask, I have the need to mention: Ciel Phantomhive is my child!!

And yes, I am still awaiting Prince Soma's return.

DISCLAIMER: I am not a sebaciel wierdo and my space doesn't welcome the romanticization of pedophila. "waah waah but it's fiction!" okay?? my account is dedicated on fictional stories and characters and I don't want your wacky shit here. Thank you in advance.

2. Bungou Stray Dogs!!!

What a crime it would've been if I didn't mention the reason my account grew in the first place!!

BSD has such a special place in my heart. Tbh bsd saved me during the downfall that was 2021.

I think people who aren't new to my blog know I'm a sucker for Soukoku. I've made extensive analysis on their relationships for 3 years now. When will this brainrot end!?!?

And oh, of course I am forever greatful to the lovely @ryuuaka713 for collaborating with me on various post, I couldn't have done it without her!! Hope life treats you well! You got a tumblr friend always rooting for ya<3

ALSO: If any of you ever want to ask me anything regarding bsd that isn't Soukoku, please do! I love bsd as a whole and would be happy to answer<3

3. Berserk

Let me make one thing clear!!! I am NOT a berserk reddit fanboy who completely ignores and neglects the narrative of this story in order to fill whatever inner void that needs to be filled.

I am suuuper passionate about the Golden Age Arc and the Pre Eclipse era of Berserk, it would be impossible to shut me up about it.

I could go on billion rants about Griffith's character and his actual complexities throughout the narrative. (no, he isn't emotionless, that would destory the whole point of the story lol)

Also I want to give a not-so-subtle shoutout to @bthump for validating every single thought I had while reading Berserk and always providing textual evidence. Thank you for being the light in the darkness of this fandom!

4. Death Note

sighs yes I am still in the fandom of an anime that has only one season and ended so poetically that it makes perfect sense that it doesn't have a continuation yet my brain screams for content when obviously it will never happen.

Before anyone asks, I am not team Light or team L, both of them are selfish people and used others lives in order to beat one another.

I am a constant defender of the fact that the Death Note consumed Light. Not only is it textually stated; but it's visually stated

(Light's eyes get wider and more innocent looking for a reason when he forgets the death note guys!!!)

Anyways, this story is absolutely awesome and I think most people can agree with that.

I don't rewatch this anime often, but when I do I get shooked by the big brain plans and big brain confrontations lmao.

5. Moral Orel

"MORAL OREL SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN CANCELLED!! FOOLISH PEOPLE FEARED IT SPOKE TOO MUCH FACTS" I scream into a void, tears fill my eyes as losing my religion by R.E.M plays in the background.

Seriously though, I love this show; a literal masterpiece. I don't think theres any show that made me incredibly concious of how my own family's dynamic worked as this one did.

Has amazing takes of the human condition and contains life long lessons.

I once made a long post about the generational abuse of moral orel if you want to check it out!

Anyways, if you haven't had the glorious chance to watch this masterpiece. PLEASE DO!! I BEG!!! The whole series is out on youtube!

we don't talk about the first 3 episodes!!!

6. Sonic!!!!

I never post anything sonic related on my blog, but I adore Sonic! Not only my childhood, but it continues to pump off amazing content and games.

Fun fact: I have a cute mini sonic keychain my friend gifted me, I take it with me everywhere!!

DID YOU KNOW THAT KELLIN QUINN FROM SLEEPING WITH SIRENS WAS INVOLVED WITH THE SONIC FRONTIERS SOUNDTRACK!?!?!? AAAAAAA I LOVE SONIC GAMES MUSIC AND ITS DIVERSITY

Nobody asked, but my favorie character is Knuckles and Shadow for anyone who wants to know! (No one wants to know but I HAVE THE NEED TO SAY IT.)

anyways yes, I love Sonic, I am at arms-lenght with the fandom since i'm... well... not much into the furry stuff that goes on. But theres lots of fanmade content out there that is super cool!

IN CONCLUSION!?!?!?

I have lots and lots of other fandoms im in but i fear i will go on forever if I keep on talking.

Thank you so much for reading all the way through and please, don't ever hesitate to ask me anything related to any of these fandoms above. Hyper analizing stuff is my speciality after all:D

[fyodior]

you were sick only to wake up to bsd making everything worse 😭

akutagawa august, yay!! and then bram happened. and then kunikida happened.

-lime anon

YEAH😭😭💔 asagiri really capitalizing on my downfall smh

and while bram passing is definitely sad i feel like it was a very appropriate and well done conclusion to his character and appearance in the manga. i actually like and appreciate how asagiri did that

but kunikida…. our queen did not deserve that….

[shions-chin-scar]

the episode with ace is actually my fave episode of BSD. wish that redheaded kid had survived. also idk if ace's time as an executive overlapped with dazai's at all but can you imagine? dazai would have no patience for his bullshit. and i imagine neither does chuuya.

The Ace/Fyodor face-off was SO GOOD, such a perfect way to establish Fyodor's character as Dazai's dark counterpart. I just wish Ace wasn't just a one-time pawn, he had potential to be so much more than generic-dickhead-executive-with-a-god-complex. Also a great design

And DON'T get me started on the parallels between that redhead kid-Fyodor and Atsushi-Dazai, how Fyodor refused to listen to the kid's cry for help whereas Dazai reached a hand out to Atsushi in his time of need (or rather how Fyodor "delivered" him in his own twisted way, by killing him), how Fyodor's downfall (?) was ultimately caused by his lack of trust in his men whereas Dazai got the upper hand thanks to his comrades. And the kid's name? Karma. It's just *chef kiss*

I'm not sure it was ever mentioned if Ace and Dazai ever met but I'm sure Dazai would have a ton of fun messing with him, given how obviously fake his superficial polite persona is. He'd probably make it his personal goal to piss him off as quickly and deeply as possible. Definitely make a few dog quips because of how much Ace brown-noses Mori lmao

Chuuya on the other hand we know was an executive at the same time as Ace but unlike Dazai he can actually behave so I assume he just gritted his teeth and bore with it, at least around the man. Definitely talked mad shit about him after a few drinks to Kouyou and anyone else within hearing range

[equiteslegati]

Stop prsying fir my downfall liek i actually did something bsd to uou

Im alrwadu fuckung dying likr rwlaly slowky ao why thw fjck do uoi nees to comrb afyer me like thid

[elevenc]

bsd theories: a list

Some existing bsd theories (AS OF CHAPTER 98) that I could think of off the top of my head. none of the linked posts are mine.

1. Higuchi’s ability

having an ability, possibly healing ability to reverse time possible names for said ability 

my take: I do not think Higuchi’s ability is specifically healing, but I do think time reverse used as a healing ability is possible.

2. Fyodor’s ability

blood manipulation and therefore instant death brainwash/brain-related  whether it is affected by direct touch direct touch, and what the sin is

my take: fyodor can control his ability. nikolai slaps him on the shoulder at some point? he might be using his ability to instantly kill ability users.

3. Vamp!Fyodor

fyodor is a vampire fyodor is NOT a vampire

4. Vampire infection in the PM

how the infection might have started  another infection spread theory the end of the prison break arc who is dead dead and could possible live

my take: I just want Jouno to be alive at the end of all of this.

5. Tanizaki siblings

junichiro potentially joining the PM another one here more things on junichiro being insane naomi is dead naomi is NOT dead (umm)

my take: it is highly possible that junichiro joins the PM. side note, i don’t trust long-haired, smiling anime characters in sailor moon uniforms.

6. Sigma

sigma will be fyodor’s downfall possible abilities (I have yet to read a post about this)  sigma joins the ada (can’t find the post)

my take: I actually don’t think sigma has an ability.

also check this out: BSD unresolved

Interesting takes on:

Fukuchi Fyodor VS Dazai and this Yosano VS Dazai Dazai when it comes to Ango  sadism and violence in bsd atsushi is NOT a cinnamon roll

if you're digging for obscure bsd theories you should definitely search for the shorter, less often seen posts on tumblr. the posts I chose are mostly ones that do a good job of summarising common theories :) please add on to this list I would love to read more

ah WAIT!! before you go! read this what you’re tagging wrong as a bsd fan

[kaikaikitanmp3]

First of all let me just tell you that I'm not even on Tumblr and I keep coming back to your blog just for your takes I love them so much, second I don't get why... people... don't use this little thing called "unfollow" if they've got such a problem with your hcs because like hello??? We all ship what we ship in this fandom can we just stop the infighting already??? And third, KunikiDazai and ChuuAku fic recs for my depressed ass, pls bestie :'(

awwwwww you keep coming back here just for my takes🥺🥺 you’re the loveliest, i’m smiling like an idiot right now💔♥️ come talk to me if you ever feel like it, don’t hesitate to say hi!

bestie, banger. i’ve been here for quite a while so at this point i’m like almost 100% sure that these people do that on purpose: like they log in, they scroll down their respective dashboards and then they suddenly decide that they’re not quite satisfied with the life they’re leading so they just go to tags or blogs they know they don’t/won’t like and just start erupting bullshit upon people who just mind their own business. don’t even pay them no mind, they come here looking for a fight instead of, idk, creating stuff/supporting content creators/making friends or whatever, which is quite pathetic already lmao they’re one of the reasons people fall out of love with certain ships/characters/fandoms soo it’s kind of enjoyable to see them orchestrate their own downfall hahha if you allow me to be a little bit dramatic……… but yea thanks for sending me this message you’re the best <3

assssss for the fic rec!

okay i’ll be honest with you, i haven’t read many kunikidazai fics, so if anyone would like to help me out with this one i’d appreciate it a lot! i’d actually be glad to see some recs too bc i remember reading a few and finding every single one of them like incredibly nice and very comforting and kind of safe aha. kunikidazai is one of the best bsd ships, for real.

anddd here’s your chuuaku fic rec!

i honestly tried to say something nice about each and every single fic since i’ve read and reread them plenty of times (chuuaku’s ao3 tag is incredibly dry, you see, but it’s not like i’m used to anything else🙂) but ah it’s gotten like really repetitive bc chuuaku in general just makes my heart feel warm lmao and all i could say was “🥺🥺🥺🤧🤧🤧🤧💗💗💗” so you better just read them yourself, i hope i could help!

red slash by quitepossiblyjanuary

where you hold me tight by fyogols

warm blood by ayanuz (zigur)

hooked ( on all these feelings) by 3rdgymbros

stay by TheGreatCatsby

curl it up by frogmouth (decidueye)

Hold Me Down by kidspawn02

something permanent by demonprodigy

Like The Sun by TheGreatCatsby

dancehall dualism by mido

I’ll Be There Because I Want To by Allwalkfree

An Occupation That Suits Them Perfectly by Glenraven

lend me a shoulder by TheGreatCatsby

Housepet by SaphsCorner

[kachuuyaa]

Hi hi hi I am back with some new fucking incorrect quotes before school drags me to me inevitable downfall

Also I think it would be really funny if we go by the original au of Dazai and Chuuya falling to Genshin with BSD! Reader following right after, but with Fyodor. He just kinda, is there but makes everything worse regardless. Rat man..

---

Dazai: it's kinda gay to work at the port mafia

Chuuya, eye twitching: I'm gay

BSD! Reader, regardless of gender, fruity:

Fyodor: yeah it's because you work at the port mafia

---

Fyodor: about wine: grapes are easy to aquire and easy to eat.

Reader, wine connoisseur: if you say anything more on this topic I'm going to murder you.

Diluc, wine maker, who has to deal with more wine menaces other than Kaeya: do it

---

Reader: I'm going to bed

Chuuya: ??? Okay, but it's morning.

Reader: it sure is

Chuuya: a new day JUST started

---

Fyodor: you're looking cute today

Dazai, whipping out a gun: you better say no homo I the next 3 seconds or I'm making this everyone's problem

Dazai: 1

Fyodor:

Dazai: 2

Fyodor:

Dazai:

Fyodor:

----

Sara: and here's your sticky honey roast!

Fyodor: it's dry.

Reader: [spits on it, steps on it, throws it out the window] how about now

Reader: you bitch

Fyodor: I hate life.

---

Dazai: I can't open this jar!

Kaeya: yeah, that's because its--

Reader: [opens it like a jar]

Kaeya: -A can. What the fuck?

---

Dazai: I have an idea.

Reader:

Dazai: I said I have an idea

Reader: I'm ignoring you.

---

Reader: so if you paint your finger tips with clear nail polish, you won't leave fingertips.

Childe: shoot that's actually really helpful information. Thanks!!

Jean, Kaeya, Amber, and Eula, who are the genshin equivalent of the authorities: ...Helpful for what exactly?

Fyodor: murder?? It's kind of a given here.

---

Reader: where are you?

Any of the BSD boys: at the church.

Reader: ...you good?

Them: no.

Reader:

Them:

Reader:

Them:

Reader: So are you gonna elaborate?

---

Reader, fucking with Dainsleif: my biological parent told me when I was born had reptile skin.

Dainsleif: what

Reader: I had very dry skin

Dain: No you did not

Reader: yes I did

Dain: childbirth is not a dry experience.

Fyodor: how do you know that? Have you given birth

Diluc, who overheard everything: this conversation is over.

---

Albedo: okay this says "shake well before feeding"

Fyodor: [picks up the baby to shake them]

Albedo: Mr. Dostoevsky. Who's child is that

---

Fyodor, trying to get information: so what do you do if someone makes an allegation against you

Dazai: see you later alligator

Childe: I fight them

Reader: murder

Kaeya: blackmail

Fyodor: thank you gentlepeople I have finished my report.

--

Fyodor: I'm eating raw apple juice

Lisa: raw?

Reader: [nodding] raw.

Lisa: as in straight out the apple?

Fyodor: yes.

---

Kaeya: so how are you feeling?

Reader, chronic liar: pretty good.

Kaeya, another chronic liar: no need to lie to me.

Reader:

Kaeya:

Reader:

---

Reader: man it's like my bones are broken

Dainsleif: where you're going, you don't need bones.

Traveller:What??? Where are we going??

Dainsleif, Kaeya, and Albedo, the Khaenri'ahn boys: Khaenri'ah

---

Fyodor, after 1 drink, not because he's drunk, but because he's just like that: did you know. The mouth of a jellyfish is also its anus. I just though that was interesting.

Reader: looking at Diluc and his claymore: i want this man gone

---

Reader: when you die I will play Jenga with your bones.

Fyodor: you want to play with my chalky bones?

Dazai, to Chuuya and the other GI characters: I told you they were getting along

---

Dazai: I had a dream where Y/N was about to kill me because they went insane and did some very morally questionable things, but you saved me

Chuuya, with Fyodor slung over his shoulder, hauling Dazai's bony ass up: Dazai that was not a dream. Now get up we have to run. They're coming.

----

Reader, talking to any vision wielder about ruin guards: fuck a vision I'll just kill them (with my bare hands)

---

(Take 1)

Chuuya: so this is how you make faggottini, a cheese filled type of pasta--

Reader: Italians, count your fucking days

---

(Take 2)

Fyodor and Childe: [exist]

Reader: Russians, count your fucking days.

---

Klee: would you fight me?

Reader: how old are you?

Klee: 10

Reader: yea

Reader: whip you upside down, spin you around like a ceiling fan, yes baby girl is will.

Klee, gasping: how old are you?!

Reader: 20ish

Klee: we're like freaking 10 years apart!

Reader: I'm glad you know how to do math

Klee: my mom is 31, try me

Reader: I shoot, I hope she can shoot back

---

Klee, sniffing Fyodor:

Fyodor:

Klee: you kinda smell

Fyodor: what the f-

Klee: like a baka

Fyodor:

Klee: eren yaeger

Reader, wheezing in the background:

----

I have to give credits to @/ratdoodoo666 on Twitter for a lot of these gold quotes but I just thought it was too fucking funny to pass up

Also I hope I did justice (hopefully) making this longer jdhdhdbd (although some of these might classify under offensive humor depending on how you see it?? Sorry in advance if they make you uncomfortable)

🐗 anon

HIIII 🐗 ANON I LIVE FOR THESEEE THNAK YOU FYODOR IS HERE 😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️ my meow meow mass murderer

i read through all of these n i loved the jenga one a lot

alllsooo dw u did not make me uncomfy in anyway hehe I loved rhese a lot u dont need to be concerned :)

[yinses]

salvation and redemption   if you could only save one soul in this wretched world fyodor dostoevsky x reader rating: t  a/n: interrupting our normal scheduled programming for this idea i couldn’t get out of my head after going through my 5th rerun of bsd. i’ve always found fyodor to be an interesting character and he remains as an enigma i can’t shake.

“you love me right, kroshka?”

your hand paused at the crown of his head, a lapse in both your thought and judgement. it should have been a practiced answer for you, with how often he asked it. your response should have been expected as well, certainly given how his arms-his hands warmed your body. being with him was like living with a bomb inside your chest, a timer with no limit as he teased your existence by his mere proximity. 

everyone assumed you’d been numbed by experience. no one truly trusted a man like fyodor do. so of course you were simply submissive by defeat. you couldn’t escape if you wanted, so why not be pliant and just enjoy the life you were given until he deemed it time for your retribution. 

but in truth, you never feared fyodor in the way others did. 

you didn’t dread what he was, your trepidation stemmed from the person he once was. a child lost in his own ideals and thrown head first into a task bigger than himself. 

for as long as you could remember, it had always been you telling him not to worry. that it would always work itself out somehow. and in the event it didn’t? you would be there to save the day. 

in your youth, due to your ability, you likened yourself as a hero. not the super kind, with all the strength and posture. no, you were more comfortable behind the scenes, the afterthought once all the glory had dispersed. 

everyone liked to think it all happened in a simple swoop. the champion would defeat the adversary, stop the chaos and life would go on. but only for those unaffected by the utter destruction left behind. crumbling infrastructure and a debilitated economy. 

growing up in moscow was just another city under the predation of evils and conflict. it was easy for such a place to worship the one who could bring forth deliverance. yet in the overwhelming relief of the downfall of the perpetrator, they often forgot about the repentance of the souls and atmosphere that was distributed in the process. 

truly what did grieving do for anyone but bandage cracks when they needed to be filled. 

as a child you had more cracks than porcelain should have allowed, yet the integrity remained if only in name. 

“watch out!”

“wait, fyodor don’t!”

but you were too late. with a sigh, you fell to your knees uncaring of the blood that stained your already soiled socks as you cradled the dead canine. it had been made feral by nature, instead of choice. starved due to the lack of substance in his environment and forced to turn on whatever viable option was left. 

you were just children. fleshy but not overly meaty and certainly not part of its diet. he struck out of his own fears of humans, cruelty baring its vulnerability to the world. in search of your own next meal, you’d stumbled unknowingly into its territory. 

already dirty from the streets, fyodor hadn’t seconded his thoughts when he’d darted for the nearest trash can in hopes of salvaging anything to appease your stomachs. he’d been a moment too late to see the dog hidden in the corner, already thrown back by a lunge before he could dare to evade. it had been instinct for him to strike first, a thoughtless punishment executed out of fright. 

rubbing his freshly scraped palms against his ratty jacket, fyodor spared you a sour look. “yes, kroshka, im fine. thanks for asking.” his dry reply went unacknowledged as he rustled through the garbage. 

in the changing seasons of russia, even the newly dead didn’t take long to scum to the cold. despite the insulation, it’s coat already had a chill as you ran your fingers through it’s fur. 

“you’re not actually going to bring it back are you?”

uncaring of the way it stained your clothing, you drew the dog close to your chest as a dull light m encompasses your body. in that moment, time seemed to stop as if altered by a silent command before it backpedaled backwards without regard for reality. at the first shift of life, you carefully disentangle yourself and put distance between you as the animal slowly comes to terms with its restoration. 

not even a drop of blood was present as evidence of its past demise. shaking it’s coat, it stood on unstable legs, gaze filled with trepidation without cognition. a good deed should bare fruits of gratitude. 

so why were you suffering from the sharp pain of fangs tearing into the flesh of your shoulder? your cry was short lived, however, as fyodor jumped back into action, a quick touch of it palm undoing your works. 

in his haste, he’d carelessly knocked over the metal trash bin causing the crash to echo through the night. coupled with your cry of pain and the wail of repeated death, it was no surprise that your commotion attracted attention. 

“not every life deserves a second chance.” 

you don’t fight it when his fingers close around your wrist and he promptly drags you out of sight. whether the police or less honorable citizens, it wouldn’t be good for the two of you to linger too long. your hand grips the curve of your shoulder where the attack had just missed your throat. a second light show reveals a dingy shirt but one without tatter or blood. the pain from the bite gone with it but the sting of your decision lingers. 

“not every deed should be punished,” you whisper. 

you expect for him to stop you then, overcome with the need to debate but he continues to drag you along, making up for your lack of speed with his strength. 

“this world wouldn’t need either if it wasn’t so cruel. maybe then people like us could be happy for a change.”

for orphans, a strive for happiness was best waited out until you could age enough to properly take it from the world at will. eventually the two of you would be able to contribute to society and earn a decent living. 

it was easier to dream of a house. not too big or small. one that sat comfortably on a plot of land away from the dirt and grime of the city. you’d live off your own crops and grow old by your own ambitions. these for the aspirations that manifested in your heart. leaving only room for emotions like acceptance and expectation. 

but fyodor was already sowing the seeds of condemnation and reformation. tired of the mishandling of the world and the path it was on. as a child he promised you a life without faults. you couldn’t have imagined at that age, how many of his own would manifest in turn. 

yet out of obligation- or perhaps maybe it was affection. you stayed with him. slowly the hero of your story became the villain and your backstage presence was pushed further and further out of your inherent role of retribution. 

what good would punishment be if you unraveled the seams of disciple after all? 

salvation and redemption. 

that’s the name given to your ability. 

the ability to reverse the wrongs of the world, at the price of your own soul. for as black as this reality was becoming, at your rate you would have long been swallowed up had it not been for his intervention. 

gradually your hand picked back up its pace, fingers working their way under dark tresses as you scratched at the scalp. for some many years, you’d only known the body lain against you to be cold, shivering against the bricked walls of abandoned buildings. but because of his actions, his directive- now you were both warm, fed and properly housed. 

no, you didn’t need to be the hero. they only ever perished in the end. 

just his salvation. 

his excuse for redemption while he scoured the world for crime and provided the diligent punishment. 

dropping your head, you pressed your lips against the rise of his cheek.

“until the end, fyodor.” 

[pompompurin1028]

hi kat !! i always enjoy hearing your thoughts and feelings about dazai so i’m here to dump a question inspired by some brain rot

how do you feel about self sacrifice 🤔?

yes i know it’s a pretty random and vague question lol but lemme try to explain. in the beast au, dazai initially sacrifices himself so that oda can live. many find that comforting, and many don’t. personally, i don’t find self sacrifice comforting but that’s besides the point.

in the main universe, we know that dazai dislikes people who pity themselves and in a way that can be tied to atsushi (someone who sacrifices his life to save others). self sacrifice can also be seen in akutagawa during the times he’s tried to gain dazai’s acknowledgment. this really made me wonder: even though atsushi, akutagawa and beast dazai all sacrifice themselves for different reasons—it’s still self sacrifice. i’m guessing beast dazai has knowledge of the canon universe characters so that kinda makes him a hypocrite.

so i guess my question is, do you find self sacrifice comforting? is it something you find beauty in? especially the way dazai has sacrificed so much for odasaku 🤔

also none of this is very serious so don’t feel intimidated ajajsjw 😭

Thank you for the ask Rai! And it makes me so happy to know that you enjoy hearing my thoughts, it means a lot to me! And don't worry I'm alright haha, this because this is a very interesting topic and I wanted to think more on it! And don’t worry if it is not serious, I love these thing haha, so I’ll give you a long answer anyways because I have a tendency to overwrite, my apologies😅.

Self-sacrifice itself is already very interesting, because when we talk about this act, are we truly sacrificing ourselves and the things we have? I mean yes, perhaps we are sacrificing our time, some things of ourselves, and as you had said even their lives to do something. But then, we should also think are we (or they in this case) at any point trying to gain from it as well? Is it a true ‘self-sacrifice’ in which we do not gain anything in return? Is it subtly an act of selfishness in itself? (Dazai-sensei would be critical of me saying this haha he commented on such a thing before :”)). Anyways, as I said, Dazai-sensei himself had actually commented on a similar thing himself in one of the Chinese translated books that I read from him. He wrote that: 

奉獻或謙讓或俠義這類美德,早就把「於己有利」這個慾念像蛋蛋一樣隱藏在皮膚皺褶中了.... 人們把射中弱點 (如果換個較風雅的說法,那就像是肩頭留下的一片樹葉)的那支箭稱為誠實無偽,極力讚美。但是與其攻擊那種明顯可見的弱點,明知弱點的存在卻故意射歪,讓對方感到你其實知道,而且自己還一派無辜地嘀咕著失手了,好似真的甚麼也不明白,這樣不也挺有意思嗎?

It says, (my translation so there might be errors). "Virtues such as devotion (also carries a bit of a sacrificial meaning as the meaning of the word can also mean the act 'offering up something'), modesty and chivalry have long hidden the desire of “self interest” in the folds of its skin.... People call the arrow that hits their weak point (if you put it in a more elegant way, it's like a leaf that is left on the shoulder) as absolute honesty, and praise it highly. But to attack the obvious weakness, knowing that the weakness exists, deliberately shooting it wrongly, so that the other party feels that you actually know it, and then mumble innocently that you missed, as if you really don't understand anything, isn’t it very interesting?"

So judging from this perspective, let us look at the three characters again. Dazai in the beast au sacrifices himself to save Oda, it is because he wants Oda to live, that is his desire. I hadn’t read beast yet, but we know just how much Oda means to Dazai, so perhaps this was simply something done out of his own ‘selfishness’. Similarly to Atsushi (but I’m not saying we don’t see him genuinely sacrificing himself to save others we can see that in the beginning of the series), Atsushi saves people because he wants someone to give him a reason to live through doing so and sacrificing himself. Akutagawa is also similar to Atsushi in this way, risking himself and his health because he wishes Dazai would give him validation that he is strong enough to live on. In the main universe Dazai is also similar in this sense, leaving the mafia in order to go on a new path to find himself and find a reason to live. (if you want more on this you can find it on this post x). And honestly, this all also kinda fits Oda’s last words of ‘people live to save themselves’.

What I love about BSD from what I’ve seen so far, is all the characters in BSD are both selfish and selfless in this sense (as said by the op of the post I linked). And in this case, it makes my view on self-sacrifice in BSD conflicted. Personally, I don’t like self-sacrifice as a means to redeem a character, or just sacrificing yourself for the sake of it, for being a ‘hero’. But in BSD it is not really so... In a way, most of the characters, except Beast! Dazai are sacrificing themselves to find a reason to live, which although is ironic and hypocritical it is undoubtly human.

As for Dazai being a hypocrite because he doesn’t like people who pity themselves is quite an interesting perspective! Because in my eyes, I have always saw that as a scene in which Dazai speaking from his own experience, knowing that doing so would only hurt yourself in the end. It honestly reminds me of Dazai-sensei actually. From what I’ve read, Dazai-sensei is often described as self-abased, it can be seen in some of his works as well :’), in his work The Thinking Reed (which is in Chinese) he often looks down on himself for being a weak person. But at the same time, people would also describe him an arrogant person for always chasing this ‘truth, beauty and goodness’ in this world, but he also recognizes that he is not a good person, that he is very ‘sinful’ and cannot ‘forgive’ himself, and some say that this lead to his downfall. Although we don’t know what Dazai thinks, but from what Dazai-sensei feels, I assume that Dazai might feel similar in such a way. So to me, that part is not so much that he doesn’t like such people, but rather using his own experiences to warn Atsushi not to repeat his own mistakes. 

[hamliet]

Messy, Perfect Redemption: Dazai

My least favorite trope in fiction is probably redemption via death. It just seldom works for the best possible story and more often than not comes across as an author wanting to take the easy way out with having now made the audience like the character, but not having to deal with the repercussions with their relationships with other characters and actual work of changing. Which honestly is also fair. Writing is hard.

But one of the things I love about Bungou Stray Dogs is how the entire story is basically Dazai’s redemption arc in all its disastrous messy glory. Redemption is hard, becoming a better person is exhausting and it doesn’t happen overnight. Despite an often cavalier attitude towards everyone around him, Dazai never loses sight of Odasaku’s last words to him.

"Listen. You told me that you might find a reason to live if you lived in a world of violence and bloodshed. You won't find it. You must know that already. Whether you're on the side who kills people or the side who saves people, nothing beyond what you would expect will appear. Nothing in this world can fill that lonely hole you have. You will wander the darkness for eternity. (...) Be on the side that saves people. If both sides are the same, become a good man. Save the weak, and protect the orphans. Neither good nor evil means much to you, I know... but that'd make you at least a little bit better. (...) Of course I know. I know better than anyone. Because... I am your friend."

Leaving the mafia and deciding to save people from now on is a good step, but it’s a process, as we see. It’s choosing every day to save orphans, to protect the weak, and even after making the overall choice to become a better man, there are still plenty of struggles along the way. It’s what makes Dazai such a compelling, powerful and ultimately hopeful character for me.

I know Atsushi is often seen as representing Dazai’s second chance after Akutagawa, his redemption in a sense, and that’s not wrong at all. Atsushi is definitely a major, even the main, part of it, but in my opinion it’s not the whole of it. Dazai’s mentoring of Atsushi is a double-edged sword: on the one hand, it absolutely is a part of his redemption. He’s genuinely trying to do his best with Atsushi, and I do think he cares for him--clearly, he cares enough to let himself be captured by the mafia, even.

On the other hand, ignoring a kid you hurt for a kid you didn't is not redemption in and of itself when you could still do something about it. It’s not like Akutagawa has given up on Dazai in any way; he’s pretty desperate for Dazai’s acknowledgement even now.

If saving one requires you to abandon the other, are you really a better person for it ? Like, if you wanna save orphans, you kinda have to include the one who's literally begging you to save him and who is only in this bad place because of you.

If joining the agency would have redeemed Dazai, we wouldn’t have a story, though again I’m not minimizing the importance of this or the resonance of Dazai’s mentoring of Atsushi. But in joining the agency, Dazai left someone behind--more than one someones, actually. Dazai’s redemption is a process that will require him to face the harm he caused in the mafia and as much as possible, fix it. And he can’t fully redeem himself until he integrates with his shadow. Unlike Atsushi whose shadow is directly personified in Akutagawa, though, Dazai’s is in several other people (we could also consider Odasaku and Atsushi part of the anima), including Akutagawa, Chuuya, Dostoyevsky, and Mori.

Even the next time Dazai saves an orphan (Kyouka), we find out that a lot of the cruel ways Akutagawa trained her came from how Dazai trained him.

It’s a consequence coming back to Dazai that his mentee decides to save a child trapped in the mafia whom everyone wants to give up on, a child whose been through the same training he forced Akutagawa into (which I should remind you includes a canonical mock execution). The difficulties of saving Kyouka are probably exactly why Dazai took so long to make baby steps towards Akutagawa. But to his credit, while he’s not exactly compassionate with Kyouka while she’s imprisoned, Dazai does save her. If mentoring a kid on the verge of turning into a criminal is the first step to reconciling with his mafia self, then Dazai’s helping save Kyouka is the next one.

However, he doesn’t fully understand the cruelties of he did to Akutagawa, as shown in how he mocks him after his capture by repeating Akutagawa’s worst fears to him:

I know Dazai’s playing a long game with setting up Atsushi and Akutagawa’s partnership in shin soukoku, but the ends don’t always justify the means and that’s a lesson often shown to us in BSD (it’s in part the reason Dazai left the mafia; he couldn’t buy that Oda’s death was justifiable because it got rid of Mimic and got the Port Mafia their black ticket). This type of triggering really isn’t okay. Like I said here, Dazai is in part the cause of Atsushi and Akutagawa’s struggles to get along, and he should be part of reconciling that schism as well.

I know while some people are annoyed that fans call a person two years older than someone else their father figure, but the manga itself draws this comparison and codes Dazai/Atsushi and Dazai/Akutaqawa as a mentor/mentee relationship which is 99% of the time coded as parental in literature (and it definitely is here). Akutagawa literally draws the comparison himself between his relationship with Dazai and Atsushi’s with his abusive orphanage headmaster. Yes, Akutagawa’s making some logical jumps here (refusing to acknowledge that Dazai is just as much Atsushi’s mentor as his), but the manga wants us to make this comparison.

As Atsushi wasn’t able to reconcile his frustration and hurt towards the orphanage headmaster, he’ll probably do so through Akutagawa and through Dazai, because Atsushi’s view of Dazai is basically that he’s already redeemed and fantastic and justified in his choices--again, I know Atsushi complains about his irresponsibility sometimes, but it’s mostly played as a joke and isn’t a serious critique of just how he treated Akutagawa, despite Atsushi hating Akutagawa for how he treated Kyouka (take that train of thought a little further, Atsushi).

But onto Dazai’s other relationships. It’s telling that Dazai is at his most unrestrained and violent in the mafia when he partners with Chuuya, who despite being very restrained thanks to him being capable of uninhibited destruction that would lead to his own death without said restraint, knows who Dazai is and what he’s capable of from the very beginning (he’s so much as seen Dazai murder the orphans who comprise the Sheep even after promising Chuuya he wouldn't). Kunikida is Chuuya’s foil in that he works most closely with Dazai in the agency and is perpetually ready to strangle him, but Kunikida is also incredibly principled and restrained--yet he is significantly the only member of the agency who, prior to the Guild Arc, did not know Dazai used to be in the mafia.

Kunikida’s ideals including saving everyone if possible. Both Chuuya and Kunikida represent these two extremes of what Dazai is capable of--and yet notably both of them care about saving children and are in many ways more compassionate people than Dazai.

The one time we see Chuuya talk about killing a kid is with Q, who notably is introduced to us as another child with the soukoku partnership team-up.

Q, a child with half-dark hair and half-white hair (gee I wonder what that symbolizes) is a child made to curse the world and hate ever being born. Chuuya and Dazai team up to save him but contemplate killing him.

Dazai’s choice not to kill Q is stated to be to save himself, which is probably is, but it’s also symbolic of how Dazai’s saving other people is saving himself (and also ties back to another quote Odasaku liked to repeat from Natsume: “everyone exists to save themselves”).

But Chuuya’s motivation, as I wrote before, is because he’s grieved over the loss of his comrades. Chuuya really cares about people, including Dazai, and the fact that Dazai is actually going to far as to model Atsushi and Akutagawa’s team-up on his team-up with Chuuya pretty strongly implies Dazai doesn’t hate Chuuya as much as he says he does. To be able to truly leave the mafia, he has to make peace with those relationships there. It’s part of being honest with himself: like Atsushi, acknowledging the darker shadows, and like Akutagawa, acknowledging the better parts of him too.

At present, Dostoyevsky proves a perfect foil for Dazai, as @linkspooky has written here. They’re the same in a lot of ways, but Dostoyevsky has allowed nihilism and a god complex to completely consume him and is not trying to be human, whereas Dazai still tries to save people and was devastated by Oda’s death. Dostoyevsky’s ability, whatever it was, works by touching someone like Dazai’s, but since Dazai’s No Longer Human negates another’s abilities, Dazai is the only person on which Fyodor’s ability will not work, making them the perfect counters for each other.  Dostoyevsky is what Dazai could be if his feelings of alienation from human society (a prominent theme in the real life Dostoyevsky’s works) were taken to their utmost extreme, and so it’d be fitting for him to ultimately defeat Fyodor through the relationships he does have (including Atsushi and Akutagawa). 

To return to Odasaku, Odasaku is also kind of a warning to Dazai as much as he is a man Dazai wants to become like. When Odasaku lost the orphans under his care, he fell into complete despair and knowingly embarked on a suicide mission to do what Mori wanted him to. Still, Dazai tried to save him. He wasn’t able to save his life, but Odasaku’s death saved Dazai. Yet it’s potentially concerning that Mori used Odasaku’s human connections to engineer his downfall, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Mori uses Dazai’s to try to engineer his downfall later on (like, way, way on).

The difference is that Dazai is a good foil to Mori, too, in understanding what makes people tick and always thinking several moves ahead. Mori groomed Dazai from the age of like fourteen (or younger) to be his successor in the mafia, manipulating his suicidal tendencies and hopelessness to get what Mori wanted from him. It’s telling that the earliest we have of Dazai is him with Mori, in that Mori instead of caring for a suicidal patient decided to take him along to murder the mafia’s boss and induct him into the mafia thereby. The thing about Jungian stories is that there are often some Oedipal tendencies to them--like, for example, a character needs to overcome/break away from completely/kill their father.  I can see Dazai at some point having to overcome Mori and his influence to cement his arc, but that’s highly speculative (yet fits with Mori’s build up as a villain), so we’ll see.

[kikizoshi]

My (Rough) Thoughts on Shipping Self-Inserts With Canon Characters

Obviously, if you’ve read some of my newer works, you’ll know that I don’t mind OCs, and I feel similarly towards self-inserts. In fact, I’m in pretty high favour of them (good published authors have used themselves and their experiences as great inspiration many a time, and with much success--Dostoyevsky did so a lot!).

However...

With self-inserts, I find that shipping can be quite... problematic. 

I’d like to start with an experience of my own, a basic one, where I wrote a self-insert ship fic. It was... bad, but bad isn’t always indicative of the self-insert style. I remember the way I imagined it was myself in the story, interacting with the characters just like I would in my head, and how great it was to put it onto paper. I was invigorated, it gave me purpose, and I swore to write a new page every day. It was my first fanfiction, and I still enjoy reading it occasionally (even if no one else would).

But that piece isn’t my current ideal for writing, and there are several things I could’ve done to improve. Like, certain writing conventions served to tear me straight from a story, no matter how I tried to gloss over them in my mind.

Signifiers such as ‘(y/n),’ or ‘(h/c),’ ripped me right out of the screen and back into the room around me. Reading about how, “She looked up with her (e/c) eyes happily,” even if only for half a second, I lost my transfiction, and engagement stuttered as I knew I’d be ripped away again.

Strawmanning was another of these problems. The ‘bully’ characters weren’t anything more than a few cookie-cutter lines (not even stereotypes!), whereas the heroic me had the last word, expertly cutting through their paper-thin insults and winning for myself a glorious victory. Rather than highlight virtuous aspects of my character, however, this win only served to make my writing contrived, which goes with my next point.

Shipping myself with a character was perhaps my downfall. Now, don’t get me wrong, my beloved and I had some awesome dialogue about how we should use the honorific ‘-kun’ to make people think we were dating, but overall, neither of our characters were enhanced by each other. I was still my Holy self, the other character shared in my Light, and everyone else were unworthy heathens below.

So what could I have done differently, and what caused me to take such a self-indulgent turn?

To answer my second question, well, age was definitely a factor. I was ten, I believe, and not highly capable of self-reflection, something which is needed in spades in order to artfully insert oneself. I wanted an easy story, one where I could be with the character I wanted and never be in the wrong, and so that’s what happened, at the expense of both our characters (as I’ll elaborate on further down).

To answer the first, I’ll need to take a slightly deeper dive.

For signifiers, I believe why I used them is the key. There’s a difference between self-inserts and reader-inserts, although the two are often mixed, which makes sense (who’s to be the reader-insert if not oneself, or one’s close friend?).

My story was not a reader-insert, though, nor was it ever in my plans to share it, to make it accessible for a friend. (And not even for the purposes of this discussion will I share it with you now, perish the thought.) The only reason I’d thought to add in signifiers of personal traits, of which I knew very well, was imitation. I noticed that every other person on Quotev wrote their fanfictions that way, and so I followed suit. In hindsight, though, it would have been much better to just describe myself or, if preferred, just leave it vague.

I do believe, by the way, that the distinction between self-inserts and reader-inserts--or where we muddle the line--should be something kept in mind when writing. How do you know what’s in-character if you don’t know which character you’re writing about, after all?

For strawmanning, or making a ‘Mary Sue’ of myself, well, there’s a quick explanation. I loathe being wrong. Don’t you? And yet, it’s a real hinderance if I want to write myself into a story. I can’t stand being wrong, I fear it, but characters with no failings are, frankly, boring to follow.

So if they’re so boring, and I don’t want to be wrong, what can I do? Well, I could not write myself. Or, I could use that as a character flaw, and incorporate it into my writing. Maybe, instead of valiantly slicing through the bullies’ insults, my character could think that’s what they’ve done, while the narrator knows full well they’ve made an arse of themself.

And now... onto my main point as stated in my headline--shipping!

In order to ship myself with a character (let’s say Nikolai), I think, honestly, that a perfect storm is needed. 1) I’d need a deep understanding of Nikolai and 2) an extreme level of self-awareness so that 3) I can know whether or not being with Nikolai would be right for me.

Just because I like a character doesn’t mean that he’d automatically like me.

And in fact, I can say with certainty that, if Nikolai were to come to cross paths with me, he’d think nothing of me and forget me the next day. Such is the sort of realism that’s necessary, I think, if we’re not to mould the characters of our affection into someone entirely different, whom they fundamentally are not. If keeping Nikolai’s full personality is my genuine goal in writing, I cannot, therefore, ship myself with him, and I cannot write a self-insert fic about him loving me with any believability or integrity as a writer.

This isn’t to say that I can’t write a fic with both of us interacting, though. I could, of course, get unexpectedly trapped in a trash can, and there’d be nothing for him to do but generously help me out. The line there, however, is to not try to push him past his limits. If I truly respect him, then I wish for him to stay my truest version of him.

If I do wish to mould his character, however, then all that goes out the window. Suddenly, he’s whatever I want him to be, and we can go have a weekend getaway without complication... but I’d need to be careful. 

There’s a fine line between character interpretation and character butchering. Personally, respect is a massive part of my relationship with my character. If I don’t respect a character, I end up misrepresenting them, putting false words and actions in their mouths, and polluting the fic.

So what should I do if I want to mould them to like me (and I can’t change myself without actually changing myself in real life), but I don’t want to disrespect them?

Well, it’s actually pretty easy within Bungō Stray Dogs. In order to change a character, it’s important, I think, to keep some of their core values, and in BSD characters’ cases, the core themes of their namesakes.

(I’ll have to use Fyodor for this next example, by the way, since I cannot for the life of me come up with a situation that would grant me closeness to Nikolai.)

I’d never, ever make Fyodor choose me over his goals, for example (and in fact, very likely, he wouldn’t let me). However, there are still the quiet moments to think of. Were he perhaps a bit more like Alyosha (character from The Brothers Karamazov, by Dostoyevsky), more willing to make time for those he cares about, so long as we had known each other a long time prior, even if my intellect didn’t compare to his, loyal companionship and decent conversation over a good cup of tea is enough, I think, for a decent scene. (This takes some, though not all, inspiration from Dostoyevsky’s relationship with his second wife, as well as Alyosha’s relationship with his love interest.)

I believe the change should be in-keeping with his character, something slight, so that he remains the man I love and respect while still being able to be himself.

(Now, I’m also aware that I can’t come from a place of complete sincerity, since I don’t want to be with Fyodor, but the example still, I think, was necessary.)

To recap how I think I could do self-insert fiction better:

-I’d keep engagement in mind.

-I’d try to watch for unintentional perfection.

-If I don’t want to change a character, then I: evaluate if they’re right for me.

-If I do want to change a character, then I: keep them the truest form of themself at their core, and make only necessary in-character changes.

So... yeah, those are my rough thoughts. None of this is intended to be OC harassment, by the way, and the only fic I ever referred to here was my own. The itch just came, since I’ve been thinking about this for years, to flesh out my thoughts a bit. I hope anyone who managed to make it this far got something out of this, and thanks for reading <3

[joeys-piano]

For the character ask thingie: Chuuya 👀

TL;DR - I fanboy about Chuuya for a long time so just click ‘J’ to skip this post if you want xD

Send me a character for me to talk about

What are my thoughts on this character?From an aesthetic-perspective, I respect whatever fashion Chuuya has going on for himself. He exudes this sense of class and confidence, he seems very comfortable in his skin, and he’s a force to reckoned with – on or off the battlefield. He has a nice taste in hats, boots, gloves, overall attire. I’m a little bit of formal suit freak, so I really enjoy the attention to detail on his overall attirical design. His clothes portray sort of the duality of his character – how on one side of the coin, he’s a classy man who’s cultured in the arts and there’s this air of respect and formality. At the same time, on the other side of the coin, you get his rebel-nature that’s more free-flowing. If I was to sum his appearance to that of an an animal, he reminds me of a crow. Sleek, elegant, regal, bit of a troublemaker, ready for a throwdown, and he’ll never forget those that double cross him.

Even though you don’t see very much of him in the anime, Chuuya has the presence of a main character. He’s like a wrecking ball. You see him coming and he leaves behind this impact of emotion that you’re still reeling from, episodes later. From a writing standpoint, Chuuya feels like a solid character to me. He doesn’t feel like a caricature. He knows when to step down, he knows when to put his selfish pride or even his grudges behind him, for a moment, for the sake of finishing what he needs to do. His loyalty might be his downfall, but it’s that loyalty and trust he has in with others that gives him strength. To me, Chuuya is the kind of character that truly shines when he’s with others. He can play a solo-act, but his most memorable moments are when he’s in an ensemble or a duet with someone else.

Are they important to the general plot?I’ve only watched the anime for BSD, so I’m not sure what exactly Chuuya does in the rest of the story. In the general sense, I think Chuuya is important during pivotal moments in the story during action sequences and whatnot. But if I’m looking at the story of BSD and how it seems to revolve around the cast of the ADA and how the “camera” follows Atsushi on his adventures, for the most part in the anime adaption, I’d say that Chuuya isn’t important to the story. He’s more like a link or like an old flame to Dazai’s past. The focus isn’t entirely or sharply there, but you get these moments where it’s focused on and you get bits and pieces for sure. From what I see and know from the anime adaptation, Chuuya could’ve been written out and the story would flow more or less the same. With the addition of season 3 coming and more manga updates in the future, I’ll see what happens. Don’t get me wrong. Chuuya is a cool character, but his story isn’t the backbone of the general plot for BSD.

Do you relate to this character at all? Do they grip you emotionally?We’re both short and hate it when people comment about it, so that’s something. From a personal headcanon, I would think that Chuuya sometimes struggles with his thoughts on what it means to be human, considering his backstory. In some ways, I can relate to him on that because I’m not exactly human either. Probably what grips me emotionally about Chuuya is how he feels about betrayal, especially from someone he had some much trust on. It’s rare for me to hold grudges, but I’ll never forget anyone that double-crosses me. I share that characteristic with Chuuya and those are the rare moments where you realize how scary I can be.

Do you ship this character with others? Are you intrigued by their relationships with others? (platonic or romantic)I mean, I’m participating in a week-long event that involves a ship that has Chuuya in it. So yes. I like Chuuya and Dazai’s relationship, both romantically and platonically. They bring out the utter worst and the best out of each other, so I can seem them as frenemies or exes or something. But deep down, whether they genuinely care for each other or not, there’s some interpretations that they do to some regard. It’s ambiguous, so I’ll take what I can get. For Chuuya, I’m intrigued with his relationship with Ango. Something happened in the Dead Apple movie where someone owed the other a favor or something, and I’m curious how that came around.

Is there anything about this character that you would change?I like him the way he is – flaws and all. And….I can’t think of anything to change.

If you were in the fandom with this character or knew them in real life, how would you see yourself interacting with them?I would probably meet him at a bar. I’d be the evening pianist and I’m playing some smooth jazz over the keyboard. Sometimes when I do improv, I get inspired by what I see. I imagine myself seeing him in a corner, alone with a glass of wine delicately balanced in his hand, and I improv a little number inspired by him. It’s probably a sweet yet sad, close yet distant piano composition. Just before he leaves the bar, he gives me a handsome tip and that’s probably the only interaction I’ll actually have with him.

I wouldn’t want to have a close relationship with Chuuya. That would just be weird for me. Having a distant one has its advantages. I don’t need to know everything about him, and I don’t need to see him every day. But if those few moments that we meet and I’m able to play a little tune that softens his thoughts or lets his mind wander a bit, I’ve done my job. They say that wine tastes a little richer, a little fuller when you have a good music to accompany it. That’s what I would do for him. And in turn, he’ll be my muse and will inspire a lot of jazz improvs into the future.

Does this character make the cut as your favorite or least favorite character?He comes very close. I like Chuuya a lot as a character. He has everything going for him, and he has a lot of characteristics that I like to see or resonate with. Just a minor thing on my part – he’d probably take the throne as my favorite character of all time, if and only if in canon, he wore glasses. I know there’s an official art where he wears glasses and he looks adorable in them. However, the description on his BSD wiki page does not cite glasses as part of his appearance and he has yet to wear one in the story from what I know so far. So because of that, Chuuya is not my all-time favorite character but he’s very much beloved by me.

Would you hype this character or warn about this character to someone new in the fandom?Words are just words. People will come up with their assumptions after seeing him, so I rather not influence anything and let a newcomer figure out what their opinion or stance or whatever views they have of him come naturally. After they’ve established their thing for Chuuya, that’s when we can talk more about things. I like it when people make judgments on their own without the influence of the majority or from someone else. That creates a special bond between them and the character. Also, I don’t want to interfere with anything because sometimes when things like this happen, other characters are often overlooked. For a newcomer, I want them to have a sampled taste of everybody instead of focusing on only one character. You know what I mean?

Is this character popular with the fanbase?*stares at the majority of posts that reference/mention/has him in it*Yeah, I think so

[fyodior]

i know what you mean with bsd, i feel like the lack of fan content and the lack of quality in recent chapters is whats made bsd less fun for me. i used to write for it on my actual blog, i only wrote a few things before i just started to lose interest bc i wasnt getting much enjoyable content and a lot of the content felt really far from what i was looking for.

fyodor has always been my fav in bsd and probably always will be and i have psychoanalyzed his character to hell and back which also really made me like bsd less because a lot of asagiri's choices made me have to deconstruct all the thought i had put into this character whom i loved. (its even worse bc it was while i was making a really long google doc analyzing his character.)

i dont know if other people relate but i do feel like asagiri kinda killed his own fandom because bsd isnt as fun anymore so people dropped it. like the constant deathbaiting gets frustrating and waiting a month to find out whats going to happen in a story that feels like its falling off feels more like doing a chore than excitement and anticipation.

- 💄

i agree to an extent but i still have a pretty strong interest in bsd LMAO i guess for me when the story lacks or goes off the walls i tend to really cling to characters. i live in my own little mind palace mostly lmaooo

i think a “downfall” of manga just in general is that we can’t see the big picture yet. we obviously only get snippets of story at a time. so this could theoretically all wrap up beautifully and end up making sense but in the mean time that’s not quite the case LMAO but i don’t hate the current story as much as others seem to? it’s a little spastic but otherwise i like it. and i think once this arc wraps up it’ll feel more fulfilling. i don’t personally wanna say it’s falling off tho

and i personally don’t think asagiri has bastardized his characters too much but i think others might disagree. i think he’s kept everyone pretty consistent, but fyodor has had some radical changes but that comes alongside such a massive plot twist, that clearly has been in the making for a while (re: fyodor’s grown appearance in untold origins)

i think to a degree a character can be your own though. obviously source material is important but you don’t have to give up everything you loved and cherished about a character because they changed in the series! you can do whatever you want lmaooo so i don’t think you should let that hinder your love and analysis of fyodor

but yeah. 2 years later and i still love bsd and i don’t see it going away any time soon 😭