#bu that in its self is so hard to do. not make everything that hurts me or uh doesn’t help me thee most pressing problem ever

[cherrysnax]

I’m gonna call and fill out a thing for my meds because golly this is ruining my life

[ginnsbaker]

fic: if i bleed (you'll be the last to know) (3/?)

Part summary: Leigh develops an unhealthy habit as she hits closer to rock bottom

Pairing: Leigh Shaw x Fem!Reader | Word count for this part: 5.370 | Warnings/Tags: Some hetero stuff | A/N: Things will pick up after this part. I think there's going to be a total of 6 parts, but let me confirm that in the next update :)

Masterlist | Part I Part II | Next

-

Leigh is ten minutes late. 

It makes sense. Her willingness to attend this meeting was surprising, because if you were in her shoes, you doubt you'd have agreed to it. Listening to the entire history of a relationship can be exhausting, and it's hard to imagine what it feels like to hear about one that arguably should never have existed.

But just as you're about to think she's bailed or intentionally left you hanging, you spot her sprinting toward the cafe from across the street. She's a mess—hair soaked and sticking everywhere, face bare, missing its usual touch of makeup. But even like this, Leigh doesn't look much different from her usual self. You can't help feeling a bit envious of that.

She rushes into the cafe, attracting a few curious looks, but she barely registers them, her wide green eyes quickly finding you.

“Sorry I'm late,” she pants, struggling to catch her breath, “I got caught in the rain and then missed my bus.” The lie slips out effortlessly. True, it had rained, but the real reason was far more personal—something you didn't need to know.

You shrug off her apology with a smile, signaling the waiter for a menu for Leigh. “No worries, I'm just glad you made it,” you say.

Leigh gives you a quick once-over, then forces a smile and thanks you. Once her coffee order's in, she gets right down to it. “So, Matt,” she starts, her voice dropping to a whisper, “how did you two meet?”

You lean back, carefully thinking about what to say next. You didn't practice your answers ahead of time because you weren't planning to lie about anything. But you're wary of how you word things, not wanting to upset her. Being caught up with a married man is embarrassing enough as it is, and having to relay the details to his widowed wife only adds to it.

“Actually, our first meeting was totally by chance,” you say, bringing your steaming cup of tea to your lips. “I quite literally bumped into Matt one day. It was so brief, I barely gave it a second thought.”

You take a deep breath before continuing, “Then, about a week later, Matt showed up at my clinic with the same friend from before. It turned out, they were there for his friend's dog, who needed a check-up. Matt was just tagging along, helping out.”

Leigh’s face remains passive, making it hard to read. 

“The friend was the one who interacted with me the most that day. He even asked for my number, saying they were grateful for the help with the dog. I assumed he was interested,” you say, the memory coming back to you clearer now as you speak. “But, to my surprise, it was Matt who texted me later, not his friend.”

You barely manage to suppress the slight twitch of your lips, recalling how everything once seemed magical to you. Leigh on the other hand, takes a slow sip of her coffee, buying a moment to process.

“Who was that friend of Matt's? Do you remember his name?” she asks.

You pause, racking your brain for the detail, feeling its importance to Leigh. “Yeah, I think his name was Nick or something,” you say, scratching your head. Whether the name ‘Nick’ rings any bells for her or not, she doesn't let on. 

“Strange,” you mumble under your breath, but then shrug it off. “It doesn't really matter, he's not the one I—” You stop yourself just in time, realizing you're about to say something potentially hurtful about a situation that still feels raw, especially to Leigh.

Instead, you quickly pivot. “Anyway, that's how it all started. On the day of the dog’s follow-up, it was just Matt who came by. We struck up a friendship from there, and one thing led to another until he, uhm, asked me out for dinner.”

At this, you notice a subtle change in Leigh's demeanor. Her entire frame becomes more timid, the first real sign of emotion she's shown since this conversation began. 

You’re about to go on with your story when Leigh suddenly speaks up.

“So, you just said yes, even though he was your client? Don't veterinarians have professional boundaries?”

Ever since meeting Leigh, you've found it challenging to predict what might trigger her reactions—it's like navigating a minefield. Occasionally, you’d find yourself wondering what it would be like to know her without the complications currently defining your interactions. You think about the roles you both involuntarily play in each other's lives, roles neither of you auditioned for but somehow ended up performing.

You feel a lump form in your throat, and your gaze drops to your lap. “Well, he was persistent,” you say, feeling the need to defend your decision. Nevertheless, it sounds weak to your own ears. “But I made it clear nothing could happen until the dog's treatment was complete. And I insisted he'd have to find a different vet for any future appointments. It was... complicated.”

“I bet,” Leigh scoffs, crossing her arms. After a beat, she asks, almost too casually, “So, how quickly did you two... you know, have your first kiss?”

The question hangs awkwardly between you. You know you can’t answer it in any way you could avoid her judgment, so you just decide to spit it out. 

“First date.” Under Leigh’s scrutinizing gaze, it feels like admitting to a minor crime.

Leigh stares at you with unblinking eyes. “And how long after meeting him did this first date happen?”

You draw in a slow breath. “Three weeks,” you mutter. “It was last fall.” You add that bit, proactively laying out the timeline as if it could somehow soften the blow or make the situation less complicated. Leigh, however, looks like you've just knocked the wind out of her. She looks away, her expression shifting into something like shock or deep pain. Alarm bells ring in your head at the picture before you.

“Hey, did I say something wrong?” you say in a rush. “I mean, this whole situation is messed up, but if I—”

Leigh’s eyes are glass as they return to you. When she speaks again, her voice is so soft you almost have to lean in to hear. “Last fall... That's when I told Matt we should start trying for a baby.”

The words drain the color from your face. And suddenly, all the pieces of your story with Matt feels even more tainted.

You're not sure what your face gives away when you hear this news, but Leigh's expression quickly shifts from tearful to furious. “Stop feeling sorry for me,” she hisses. “I don’t need your pity.”

Leigh's tears start to spill over, and it's only 7:30 in the morning. It feels way too early for tears, especially here, in the middle of a coffee shop where the day is just beginning for most. You try to shrink into your seat, wishing you could make both of you invisible as the few other patrons start throwing curious, if not outright concerned, looks your way.

You never realized a simple conversation could cause someone so much pain. You thought providing Leigh with answers would help, but it looks like you're just making things even harder for her. Maybe keeping your distance from her is the kindest thing you can do.

“You know the worst part?” Leigh brushes away the tears that keep streaking down her face.

Clearly, she isn't looking for an answer, so you stay silent.

She makes sure she catches your eye before saying, “He agreed, and we started trying.”

-

Leigh catches her breath after wrapping up her class at the Beautiful Beast. 

She took a day off yesterday, immediately after talking with you, spending the whole day in bed just trying to sort out her thoughts and feelings. Surprisingly, wasting away for a whole day seemed to help, and her concerns gradually drifted back to her fight with Jules. It’s been days, and Leigh feels the urgency of reconciliation pressing on her. By this point, they should be on speaking terms again. By now, Jules should have let go of her anger, right? Leigh knows she can't afford to have her sister hating her. At least not right now. She needs her family, or what’s left of it—on her side. 

“Hey, Jules, got a sec? About the schedule…” Leigh tries, hoping work might be a safe enough topic to get her sister to acknowledge her existence once again.

Jules barely glances her way. Her hands keep moving, adjusting a strap here, aligning yoga mats there, as if the very act could shield her from having to engage. “Sorted. Check your email,” she replies, her voice cold and detached.

Leigh nods, awkwardly shifting from foot to foot. “Great, great... um, did you consider adding that beginners' workshop we talked about?”

Jules stops for a beat, and Leigh thinks, maybe she's going to drop it. But no, Jules resumes fussing over items that hardly require any attention. Then, without even looking up, she says, “Yeah, it's on the list. Anything else?”

Leigh tries to keep her cool, wishing Jules would just cut to the chase and tell her what needs to be done for all to be forgiven. 

Trying a different tactic, Leigh goes, “Hey, found a Starbucks card in my bag. How 'bout I grab us some coffee? My treat.”

Leigh’s trying. She really is. Why can’t they see that?

Jules just gives her that look, the kind that doesn't need words, and heads back to her desk. And there's Leigh, offer of a beverage truce just floating in the air, going nowhere.

Getting ignored really gets under Leigh's skin. Back in the day, Matt's habit of brushing her off would drive her to the edge. She'd respond with over-the-top demands or twist things around just to make sure he’d always pay attention to her. She didn't start off wanting to be that person, but looking back, she sees the lengths she'd go to just to keep his attention from straying. 

Unable to control herself, she heads straight for Jules, grabs her arm despite her trying to wiggle free, and yanks her into the backroom.

“What the hell is your problem?!” Jules explodes, not caring if anyone’s heard her outside.

They're both standing there, kind of shocked by how heated things got so fast. Jules’ shout might've turned a few heads outside, but right now, that's the least of Leigh's worries.

“How many times do I need to apologize, for you to get over this?”

Jules’ eyes are wide in disbelief, her mouth twisting into a sardonic smile, like she can’t believe what she’s hearing.

“You’re so fucking full of yourself, Leigh! This is exactly why I’m not talking to you,” Jules hisses, but keeps her voice down this time.

“What—”

“Do you even know what you’re sorry for?”

Leigh's initial scoff dies in her throat as she watches Jules' expression twist with hurt. “Yeah, okay, I said sorry about the crap I pulled the other day. I know I was out of line, talking about your past like that—”

Jules doesn't let her finish. “You weren't just being ‘out of line’, Leigh. You threw the worst time of my life in my face! Do you have any idea how hurtful that is? Coming from my own sister? From my own family? What, just to win an argument? To cover up for acting like a jerk at the club?”

Leigh goes quiet, but her face hardens, trying not to show how much Jules' words hit her right in the gut. What she said, laid out like that, it sounds…well, unforgivable.

“I'm trying, okay?” Leigh blurts out without thinking.

“Shouldn't be that hard to just be a decent human being, should it?” Jules shoots back, her dismissal sharp as she exits the cramped space, leaving Leigh reeling.

Under her breath, almost like she's talking to the walls, Leigh mumbles, “I'm really sorry…” It's quiet, almost lost in the room, but she means it the most at this very moment, even if no one's around to catch it.

-

Leigh clocks out from work, her day's fatigue hanging off her shoulders like a weighty cloak. Instead of heading straight home, she veers off her usual path, her feet bringing her to places that made breathing difficult the first few weeks after Matt's death. She's walking the same old route she always did when he was still around, back to when her home address was different and she'd pick up takeout from his favorite places along the way.

There’s the park first, the one where she and Matt spent countless afternoons sprawled on the grass, lying side by side as they watched the sky blush into shades of orange at sunset. She allows herself only a fleeting glance at the familiar paths and the bench they claimed theirs, feeling the same regret, the same hollowness as she remembers the good times they had there. 

In the back of her mind, she can't shake off the worry that maybe you've been here too, making your own memories with him. She doesn’t feel the surge of anger at this thought however. Instead, a part of her is almost willing to share these sacred memories if it means holding onto him in any form. She wants to believe that her jealousy has faded into a quieter acceptance that others might also carry pieces of him, pieces she's learning to live with.

Pulling herself away from the park, Leigh's walk inevitably leads her past Matt's favorite Italian restaurant—a quaint, cozy place where they celebrated most of their birthdays and, on occasion, anniversaries, especially when neither felt like cooking (which became an increasingly common choice in the months leading up to his accident).

She remembers how Matt's face would light up at the prospect of their rich, creamy carbonara and the tiramisu he claimed was unrivaled in the city. She recalls the numerous times she attempted to recreate the restaurant's tiramisu at home, aiming to surprise Matt at least once a month. Despite her efforts, if she truly wanted to indulge him, she knew there was no substitute for the real thing. So, on special days, or whenever she felt an extra burst of affection, she'd stop by the restaurant on her way home, picking up takeout. 

A waitress from the restaurant notices Leigh's lingering gaze and asks if she'd like a table. With a shy smile, Leigh declines, then pauses before finally deciding to order a tiramisu to go.

When she returns to her mom's house and eats the tiramisu alone, it tastes different. 

Leigh can't decide if the difference in the tiramisu's taste is good or bad, but that doesn't stop her. She finishes the entire slice in minutes. But instead of feeling full, it makes her feel emptier. Perhaps, it’s not the flavor that's changed; it's the experience of eating it without Matt's enthusiastic commentary, without him lighting up at the first bite or playfully claiming the last one, despite his generous offer to let her have it.

Suddenly, tears just start pouring out of Leigh as she sits there with an empty plate. She didn't see it coming, no chance to stop it or shove it down. Then, she finds herself laughing—a deep, throaty laugh—because she's grieved for him in countless ways, but this, crying over a dessert, has to be the most absurd. It's exactly the kind of moment they would have laughed at together.

Deciding that that would be her dinner, Leigh cleans up the small mess she's made and considers the evening ahead. But just as she’s about to sink into the couch for a quiet night, her phone buzzes, making her jump.

Seeing your name flash on her screen, she sighs, sensing a familiar bitterness creeping back in, disrupting the soothing moments she had just spent reminiscing about Matt. She lets it ring a few times more before picking up.

“Hi, Y/N,” Leigh says, managing to keep her voice steady over the phone.

“Hey,” you start, unsure how to break the ice after everything. Especially with what you’re about to say next.

“Listen, something happened today at the clinic. Someone came in looking for their lost French Bulldog, and they had a picture,” you pause to breathe. “Leigh, it looks a lot like Visitor.”

On the other end of the line, you can practically hear Leigh's heart skip a beat.

“Hello?” you ask, checking to make sure she's still there after she doesn't respond for several seconds.

“Are you sure?” Leigh’s voice cracks slightly.

“Yeah, I'm pretty sure,” you say softly, feeling a surge of empathy. “I'm sending you the picture now. Check it out and tell me what you think.”

You hit send and then wait for Leigh’s confirmation.

“It's him. It's definitely Visitor,” she says a moment later.

You're relieved but also concerned about what comes next. “So, what are you going to do?”

Leigh hesitates, and when she speaks again, she doesn’t give a direct answer. “Thank you, Y/N,” she says, and you pick up something in her tone. Something somber. 

“Everything alright?” 

But the line's already dead, leaving you staring at your phone, wondering what she is up to.

-

Leigh stands outside the community center, her hand lingering on the door longer than usual.  It's been weeks since she last came to a session. First, there was the shock of uncovering Matt's darkest secret, and now, there's the issue of the man inside, already looking her way, waiting to see her next move.

Danny appearing at her doorstep earlier in the week caught her completely off guard—and not in a good way. The moment she realized it was him, Leigh didn't hesitate to close the door in his face. After she shut him out, it escalated to the point where she threatened to call the police because he wouldn't stop pounding on the door and shouting for Leigh to let him in, insisting he just wanted to talk. His last attempt to get through to her fell flat when he flooded her inbox with texts and missed calls, pushing Leigh to the point where she blocked his number for good.

Despite the problem of Danny being here tonight, Leigh isn't willing to walk away from this just because of him. She's already given up so much lately, most recently Visitor—or Chico, as she found out his real name was—and his absence carved a fresh ache in her heart that she hadn't seen coming.

So, she takes a deep breath and pushes the door open, ignoring the smirk on Danny’s face as she proceeds to pretend like he doesn’t exist.

-

Somehow, after the meeting, Leigh ends up saying yes to a quick chat with Danny. He reels her in with the news that he submitted Matt’s remaining works—which he got custody of—to his publisher, and they were keen to publish them posthumously. 

Leigh can't help but throw in a bit of shade. “That's nice of you, doing something good for your brother, even if it's a bit late.”

Danny's face drops a little. Her words were sharp enough to hurt him, but he doesn't bite back or get in her face about it, which totally throws Leigh for a loop. After all the time she'd spent ignoring him, she had expected him to be at his worst around her.

And then he surprises her even more when he says, “Let me give you a ride home? It's the least I can do…”

Leigh arches an eyebrow. She didn’t bring the car tonight because Jules had a thing with Tommy, and she didn’t want to give her sister another reason to resent her. A ride from Danny beats the alternatives of walking or shelling out for a pricey cab, especially now that her phone's battery has given out, nixing the option of booking an Uber.

But this is Danny. Matt’s brother, and the guy she hooked up with because she thought she’d get back some semblance of her dead husband. After Jules pointed out how messed up it was that they'd slept together, Leigh's been all over the place. The rules around what they were doing either turned her off or, weirdly enough, made the whole thing more enticing, taboo and all. That's a big part of why she's been steering clear of him. Hanging out with Danny feels like reaching for a cigarette long after she's sworn off smoking.

Even with all that swirling in her head, Leigh ends up saying, “Sure, why not?”

Before she knows it, she's also agreeing to a drink at his place.

-

The second they step into his apartment, something inside of Leigh snaps. Acting on impulse, she grabs Danny by the collar and kisses him fiercely. She clenches his shirt in her hands, practically tearing it in her grip. Danny's initial surprise melts away in seconds, and then he’s kissing her just as hard, his tongue prying open her lips, taking control of the kiss right away. His hands find her waits, pulling her closer, practically already half-lifting her against the wall.

Leigh, caught up in the moment, begins to move her hips in a rocking motion against him. The action is effective enough to distract him from where he’s kissing every inch of Leigh’s neck, and he retaliates by suddenly pressing her more firmly against the wall, pinning her with his hips, their chests are tightly pressed together.

But as Leigh's fingers begin to fumble with the button of Danny's pants, he catches her hands gently and, panting, says, “Wait, Leigh, hold on for just a sec.” 

Leigh’s eyes fly open at his voice, irritation and impatience coloring them. “What?” she gasps out. 

He ignores the hard edges of her tone. He wants more—something real—and he's hoping she does too.

“I can’t do this again unless I know it’s going somewhere,” Danny says. He gently lets go of Leigh and takes a step back, trying to collect himself. It's a tough task, though, with Leigh looking the way she does—hair all tousled, lips slightly swollen and marked from when he got a bit carried away, her cheeks tinged with a warm flush. He could’ve made her come in the next two minutes, he’s sure of it.

At Danny's confession, Leigh can't help it; she bursts into laughter. The idea of him catching feelings now, of all times, seems absurd to her. As she laughs, Danny's jaw tightens, but he waits patiently for her to finish.

When Leigh finally notices the seriousness etched across Danny's face, her amusement evaporates almost instantly. The realization that he's not joking strikes her, and it doesn't sit well. Not one bit.

“What, you think because your brother's gone, you get to... what? Step in? Take his place?” she spits out, incredulous. “This is never going to be anything more than a quick fuck, Danny.”

In his desperation, he calls her bluff. “You’re lying.”

Leigh's reaction morphs into a cruel sneer. “If you're going to insist on something more, then we're just wasting our time,” she mutters, turning to leave.

Danny's not ready to let her walk away, not yet. He grabs her arm, and for a second, they're just staring each other down, a silent battle raging between them. Leigh’s resolve is impenetrable.

It’s Danny who cracks first, exhaling a defeated, “Fine.”

But Leigh's not having any half-measures. She whirls around, fire in her eyes. “Nope. Say it properly,” she demands.

With a sigh that feels like he's giving away a part of himself, Danny looks at her, worn and resigned. “This doesn't have to mean anything,” he says even if it’s the last thing he wants.

Leigh locks eyes with him, a storm brewing in her look. Just when Danny thinks it's better to just drop it, she throws him a question out of nowhere. 

“Did you know?”

“Know what?” Danny asks, genuinely puzzled.

“About Matt and me... trying for a baby when he... you know.”

“He... he never mentioned anything like that,” he says, feeling the pain she’s radiating. Leigh looks like she’s about to fall apart and all he wants is to be the one to gather her pieces and put them all back together.

No more words follow from Leigh. It's as if the question drained what was left of the conversation. Without warning, she surges forward, her lips meeting Danny’s in a bruising kiss, then she grabs Danny's hands, placing them firmly back on her waist. He gets the message loud and clear, and together they quickly shed their clothes, letting them fall in a heap around their feet. She comes about twelve minutes and thirty seconds later.

-

It's been eight days—not that you're keeping track or anything. But after giving Leigh the heads-up that someone’s been looking for a dog that looks exactly like Visitor, you were kind of expecting she’d at least update you if it really was him or not.

So, when a client strolls in later with Visitor, who's actually called Chico according to the file your secretary slips you, you're a little disappointed it's not Leigh showing up instead. It must have been incredibly tough for her to return Chico to his real family. She invested her heart, time, and not to mention her wallet, into that dog, caring for him as if he were her own.

Thinking she’d be relieved to know he’s in good hands, you send her a text to update her about Chico's visit to the clinic today. You mention how healthy and content he seems, yet you hazard a guess that he's probably missing Leigh too. 

She sees your message right away, and then leaves you on read.

-

Her thing with Danny turns into a late-night ritual, particularly after Drew fails to respond to her following their conversation, not even offering her a guest column in the weeks that followed their talk. Drew continues to invite her for coffee and dinner dates along with his fiancée, but he avoids the topic about the column, so Leigh stops asking.

The hookups are always a post-midnight impulse. She’d find herself sneaking out of her mother's house to meet him, driven by a mix of need and escape, or occasionally, by insomnia. After their moments together, she never lingers in Danny's bed for too long once she's found her satisfaction, eager to shower away his scent from her skin. 

Back at home, she ensures there's no trace of their deed by the time she slips into bed, allowing herself to sleep deep into the middle of the day. This pattern of nocturnal activity and daytime slumber has led her mother to adjust Leigh's responsibilities, moving her to take charge of the afternoon classes instead. This behavior earns her suspicious glances from Jules, but Leigh chooses to ignore them—if Jules isn't interested in reconciling, then she has no right to concern herself with Leigh's personal affairs.

Leigh doesn’t know how she got here, back at the beginning, in an ever messier situation. She can't stop fucking Danny, her emotions for Matt are a rollercoaster—she finds herself forgiving him and cursing him interchangeably a couple of times a day. 

She's astounded this is her life now, seemingly unable to talk herself out of decisions that pull her deeper into chaos.

-

A month later, Leigh becomes a distant memory. Following a series of tumultuous encounters, your life gradually returns to its normal rhythm—quiet, ordinary days filled with clinic work, attending to various cases, meeting new clients, and addressing the myriad issues of small animals. All of these tasks prove easier to deal with than anything involving Leigh Shaw.

The sole noteworthy event in your generally uneventful life lately was your latest visit to a physician for an annual physical exam. The blood tests revealed some numbers outside the normal range, notably elevated cholesterol levels. Consequently, your doctor advised you to integrate exercise into your daily regimen and to reduce your consumption of takeout meals, specifically pizza and Chinese fast food.

It’s a big sacrifice, considering your day usually flies by without much thought for food, except for dinner. It’s the one time in your day you actually look forward to. So, to hold onto that bit of happiness, you've been looking at fitness classes that are actually enjoyable and help burn those extra calories to keep you in shape.

Yoga stands out as the top choice for you, mainly because it all unfolds on a mat. You assume it'll demand the least amount of effort compared to the other options (specifically spinning), which all seem to promise nothing but pain and suffering.

Deciding to give yoga a shot, you choose Beautiful Beast, swayed by its stellar reviews. You secure a slot for a 6pm class, feeling pretty good about this decision.

That is, until Leigh Shaw walks into the said class, clad in a sports bra and tight-fitting leggings that highlight her toned legs. She’s busy on her phone, and without looking up, she walks to the front of the room. 

What are the chances you'd both be in the same class at the same fitness studio? The plot thickens when she pockets her phone and turns to face the class, gesturing for everyone to get their mats ready as the session's about to start.

You swallow hard. Leigh isn't here as a joiner—she's running it.

It takes about a quarter of the session for Leigh to notice you’re in her class. It's only while she's making her rounds, observing each student's camel pose, that her gaze finally lands on you. Struggling through your lack of core strength, you can't quite catch her initial reaction, but then she calls out your name. The surprise makes you gasp as she places her hand on the curve of your spine, just above the small of your back, and gently pushes you upward, deepening your arch. 

The stretch draws a grimace from you, but then she says, “Good, that's it,” and suddenly, you're determined not to let her down. You focus on the pose, on Leigh's instructions, and on not falling apart under her watchful eye. Leigh keeps everyone in the position a few moments longer than expected before instructing the class to transition into the child's pose for recovery. At her cue, your arms collapse, and you find yourself breathing heavily, grateful for the brief respite.

Something tells you it's not the high cholesterol that's going to be the end of you, but rather this yoga class and Leigh's merciless teaching style. 

-

You're all packed up and ready to leave, still reeling from what could easily be the toughest hour of your life, when someone calls out to you.

“Hey, Y/N.”

It's Leigh. Her tone is softer, more fatigued than you remember. She’s still in her gym clothes, looking like the workout barely touched her except for a few strands of hair sticking to her forehead. And somehow, she smells more like a rose garden than the gym floor.

“I didn’t know you work here—” you blurt out, almost apologizing. But before you can add anything else, Leigh just shakes her head, something like amusement in her smile, stopping you mid-sentence. Her smile, warm and a little teasing, eases some of the tension you didn't realize you were holding. 

“Are you a mind reader or something?” she teases. “Cause yeah, I was going to ask if you were following me.”

You’re quick to deny it. “I wasn’t.”

Leigh lets out a chuckle like she's getting a kick out of seeing you on edge. You shuffle your feet, still unsure if she’s trying to scare you off or welcome you to her tutelage.  

“Look, if it's weird for you, me being here... I can find another class,” you offer, the words tumbling out before you can think them through.

Her reaction is swift and a bit surprising, “Why would I want that? So you can duck out and be a rubbish yogi elsewhere and ruin my reputation?”

You’re taken aback by her response. Clearly, Leigh's not pushing you away; it's almost as if she's egging you on, daring you to stick it out. And if there's any hope of moving past this... whatever it is, leaving now because it might get awkward doesn't seem like the right move to make a fresh start.

“All right, I'll stay,” you find yourself saying, more to your surprise than hers. 

Leigh's got this look of triumph, chin lifted just so, when you agree to stick around. “See you at 5:30. Greenway Park,” she throws out casually.

You're there blinking, trying to piece together what she means. But before you can even get a word out, she's one step ahead. 

“We have to work on your endurance,” she clarifies. “Make sure you’re wearing real running shoes. No sneakers.”

[theflyindutchwoman]

The UC storyline is something that has been looming over Tim & Lucy for a while now. So it's passed time that we deal with this conflict. And with Tim being confronted by both his past (with Isabel) and his present/future (with Lucy confiding about her fears for him), we are finally getting to the elephant in the room. Because Tim can no longer stay in denial about this. And because Lucy is getting at a crossroad where she has to make a decision regarding her future in UC. And this is what I want to discuss about… to try to see things from her perspective.

Because that's the thing : she loves going undercover. We might not understand why, but she does. And this - finding a career that she loves - is something she has been struggling for years. She said so herself, she has tried many things before. She loves being a cop, particularly going undercover and now that she knows that, it's understandable that she is going to want to hold on to it. And not only does she love it… She's also really good at it! To the point that she is getting noticed. UC is the first (and only) division that went to actively seek her out and try to recruit her. Add to that layer her relationship with her parents, who have been trying to discourage her in the past, and it's not that hard to understand how good it must feel for her to finally find something she loves and to be encouraged to pursue. And that's where she keeps receiving mixed messages.

Because yes, she saw how UC could go wrong and destroy lives. Isabel, Nyla, Mack… She saw and heard the tales. And yet, her mentor is Nyla. Who always kept it real but has never tried to deter her either, whose very first advice was to simply be better than her. And Angela. We may not have seen it directly, but it is implied that she is encouraging her choice by helping her become a detective, despite seeing what happened with Isabel. And let's not forget Tim here. Who's probably her biggest supporter right now despite his own baggage. Who pushed her to go to UC school when she had reservations. Who told her they were worth the risk, knowing she was very well on her way of becoming an undercover agent. Even Tamara looked thrilled for her when she came back from Sacramento. So if all of these people, with all their bad experiences, keep believing in her and pushing her towards UC, why should she drop it?

But most importantly : she never dismissed these cautionary tales. At no point did she ever tried to imply she was better than them. She is simply trying to learn from them. Which incidentally, was the topic of Nyla's class, the one that Lucy was trying to listen discreetly. Let's take a look at her recent behaviour : according to Noah, she could have done more UC ops. Yet she hasn't. The second she had the chance to talk to Isabel alone, she immediately asked her about her own experience. These are the actions of someone who is being cautious and taking it all in before making a decision. She even acknowledged that she never experienced long missions which shows she has at least some self-awareness. She understands that she still doesn't fully know what this life would entail. It's one thing to hear it, it's another to live it. She's still at the beginning of her career, where everything is a bit rosy. She just needs to find her own way. I'm not really comfortable with the idea that she needs to be punished for her choice by getting hurt or getting someone seriously hurt. It's too close to the idea that women need to be punished or humbled for being ambitious and that's a big no from me. Besides, she has been hurt in the job before and she's still doing it. She simply needs to experience a longer mission, with its ups and downs, to see if she really likes it, if that can be compatible with what she wants in life. And not just experiencing the part of playing a different character this time. But also the separation, the anxiety, the lies and deception, leaving the people you love behind (from her real life… but also the ones she will get attached to from her UC life). This is after all how she found out her previous jobs/studies were not for her : by trying. The catch is she can only experience this by being a full-time undercover agent.

Which is why she opened the door for a conversation with Tim, by letting herself be vulnerable and sharing her fear with him : that her going undercover on long missions might be too much for him. There was no judgement on her part. She was merely trying to be honest and broaching the topic they've been avoiding so far. Because she knows that her actions will impact him. Unfortunately, he wasn't ready to open up just yet and shut that line of thought immediately. But she looked torn on that last scene... she knows he wasn't being honest with her.

And maybe Lucy is lying to herself... Maybe she only thinks she loves undercover because her missions so far have been "easy", with no consequences when her cover got burned. Maybe she feels obligated to follow through because the department believed in her and she doesn't want to let them down. Maybe she hasn't fully consider how it would impact her as well. Maybe. But if that's the case, it's even more imperative that she can talk about it with Tim. Lucy needs to talk things out to process things. And right now that line of communication is not open. Not completely at least. And while Nyla could be a good option, this is still something that she needs to solve with Tim. Especially if they want to build a life together. She needs to hear his feelings, just like he needs to hear hers. I understand that he is in a difficult position : the last thing he wants is to hold her back. But she still deserves to have all the facts. The onus on this does not rest solely on her shoulders.

And this is why I think it was important that they first solidified their relationship before facing their first hurdle. So that they can confront it together.

[indiaalphawhiskey]

Hello India!

I would love to hear your opinion on the Louis dm thing as I always love to hear your thoughts. Personally, I totally understand the fandom frustration but at the same time its nothing new. Why is this the last straw for so many people? If you don't answer its totally fine, I'm just curious. Have a lovely day!

Hello, love!

I’m currently away with my family, so I’ve been getting a very specific streamline of information from blogs I trust and friends who have their own ways of verifying things. Also, I have no particular interest in exhaustively digging into info from every angle when it comes to stuff like this, so please know, I’m answering this question with the very limited information I have from a set of trusted but very like-minded sources.

I also can’t speak for larries as a whole, so I’ll speak for myself: why do I think this is the last straw for some people/why am I, personally, feeling affected by the situation?

Well, because every relationship (romantic, platonic, even parasocial) is marked by thresholds. We draw lines in the sand that, while not unmoving or unadaptable, still exist. They’re different for everyone (a red line to me may be a yellow line to someone else) and can be flexible depending on the circumstances surrounding the situation. But, each time a line is toed or crossed, it’s natural to re-evaluate a relationship and decide whether or not there’s personal value in staying. That’s the mark of healthy self-worth and a healthy level of distance in any relationship: being able to recognize that there are goal posts everyone (even celebrities we love and adore with all our hearts) has to meet in order to continue having access to our energy.

Now, operating on the theory that this DM is real, there are many things that we now have to come to accept. One of the biggest is that, if Louis does see everything that happens in fandom (like he’s said he has before) and still played a hand in throwing Larries under the bus (some would say again) knowing what kind of hate it would get us, what does that mean for Larries’ relationship with Louis?

Of course this question varies depending on the circumstances. How much control did Louis have over this decision? What was the justification for it? What was the negotiation like? Do the ends justify the means (like, if this is a step towards ending BG)? Was it necessary to deal with the situation this particular way?

These are all questions we ask every time both Harry and Louis make a decision we don’t agree with or that hurt us as Larries. Unfortunately, we usually don’t have the answers to those questions, and we never will, so the only thing we, individually, can decide, is how generous are we each willing to be with them?

Personally, Louis has proven to me, time and again, that he is a good person with a good heart and good intentions. Nothing he has ever done has struck me as unjustifiably cruel or intentionally destructive, and I maintain that closeted people cannot be blamed for the difficult decisions they are forced to make to protect their closet. Navigating how to survive an abusive situation is not freedom, and viewing it through that lens means that whatever decision that was made, it can never be said that it was made with 💯 control.

That said, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt to be made the scapegoat, yet again. It doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt to have being a Larrie diminished like that by one of the people we’re trying so hard to stand up for. By one of the people we take risks for, and insist on loving out loud for all that he is regardless of the mistreatment that love comes with.

And for some larries, no matter the justification behind the decision, those are their red lines, and what they do once those lines are crossed is a decision only they can make for themselves.

[ninadove]

number 11 for feligami (you know this is an excuse to warm my heart)

I am more than happy to warm your heart! 💜

11. What was their first impression of each other?

The thing with these two is, we actually got many different “first impression” scenes, so prepare for a looong post:

Gabriel Agreste (S4 E9):

Obviously, this little staring contest was building up to something, but we weren’t sure what that was at the time (and I don’t think the writing team knew either).

We don’t get much from this scene except that Kagami immediately sees right through Felix’s bullshit - she doesn’t know what it is about him, but it sure is something. Later in Pretention, we see that she is not afraid to call him out on said bullshit, which we always love.

More interestingly, there’s a form of curiosity in the way she holds his gaze and only breaks eye contact when Chloé starts yelling (as she does), continuing to observe him as he gets up to conduct very important plot business. He might be dangerous at this point in the story, but that doesn’t make him any less fascinating.

As for Felix's side: this encounter reads like a “first draft” of the reaction we get from him in Emotion. Even without knowing that Kagami is a Sentibeing, he senses something familiar in her, which reads a lot like this feeling of shared otherness queer people and abuse survivors often get very early on with each other.

But ultimately, at this point in the story, he is on a mission that takes precedence over everything else in his life. Which leads us to their actual first meeting, as in the actually plot relevant one that has been living in my head rent free since Christmas (what a beautiful gift):

Emotion (S5 E18):

Where do I even start with this one. Well I guess we need to start with the beginning.

Emotion is the continuation of Felix’s arc towards regaining his freedom and safety, and so far he hasn’t cared much about throwing people (including and especially his cousin/twin/clone) under the bus to further its advancement. He has an objective and he knows exactly how he will get to it.

Which is why it is so interesting and fun to see him deviate from his plan, out of to sheer concentrated annoyance (Chloé) or romantic interest (Kagami):

Kagami herself said it best: the kiss was a little too much. There was no reason for Adrien to do that. So what motive could Felix potentially have to go so overboard with his displays of affection? Well it’s simple, really: Kagami has the most gorgeous hazel eyes and the cutest nose and freckles like stardust on her cheeks. Flirting with this pretty girl he had already noticed months ago might be part of the plan, but he’s genuinely having the time of his life doing it.

Then of course he notices the ring.

And suddenly it’s not just about Kagami being the cutest girl he’s ever seen anymore. It’s a confirmation of the ✨ vibes ✨ both of them were picking up on in Gabriel Agreste. Of course, the in-universe implication is that they are both Sentibeings, but it’s not actually about that: it is about Felix recognising the horrifying abuse he’s been subjected to in another person, and desperately wanting to reach out to her.

WHICH BRINGS ME TO:

The Diamond Dance breaks my heart into a billion tiny pieces and puts it back together multiple times a day. I am so normal.

Felix is flirting so hard, because of course he is, and it hurts. Kagami cannot see that he is being sincere, and it’s not just because of Adrien: Perfection and Protection have shown us that she has repeatedly felt like an afterthought not only as a love interest, but also as a friend. Her self-esteem has taken a major hit and she cannot believe that anyone could be interested in her romantically at this point.

Which is utter bullshit because look at this boy:

Getting more and more enamored as he discovers that not only does she understand what he’s been through, she’s also brave, intelligent, honest, and considerate in ways that are completely foreign to him.

The best thing about this scene is how Felix « I lie for fun » Graham de Vanily progressively lets his mask slip around her, letting out more and more truths that cannot just be written off as Adrien getting bolder. Until finally he says the most Felix thing ever:

And this is when we get Kagami’s real first impression of him. When so much honesty from her leads him to take his own mask off. When the plans for rebellion and revenge are quickly abandoned for something more important. When he asks her to run away with him.

Obviously, she likes what she sees.

[amonsteronmaplestreet]

32

Well, Seann, you did it. You made to 32 years old. Isn’t that something?

Your life isn’t really what you thought it would be, is it? Remember back in high school, when you thought that you’d have a house and be making six figures by now? Ah, the optimism of youth. Instead here you are, renting one-fourth of a two-bedroom apartment, barely keeping above the poverty line. You probably should have seen that one coming, if I’m being honest.

That’s not to say your life is awful, of course! You’re in love after all. You live with a woman you love dearly, who loves you back, and it was just five years ago that you would have scoffed at the idea of that ever happening. So much has improved in just the last half-decade.

Five years ago, you worked at a retail outlet where the phones never stopped ringing no matter how much you prayed they would, and you despised everything about your own life. That was the only period of time in which you ever self-harmed. Remember that? Do you remember taking the sharp metal tools meant for phone repair and scratching up and down your arms until you drew blood? Do you remember the sting, the feeling of release? Do you recall your conviction that everything painful in your life was some kind of deserved punishment, and that if you hurt yourself enough then maybe—just maybe—you’d balance out the cosmic scales and everything else wouldn’t be so bad?

How very Catholic. I guess thirteen years of parochial schooling will leave its mark on a person, no matter what.

But that’s all the past now. Now you have a job you love. Sure, you need to buy new insoles because your feet are always in pain, and sure your car broke down so now you need to take the bus to work and it eats up hours of your day, but when you walk though the doors of that doggie daycare, dozens of wagging tails and furry faces are excited to greet you. That counts for something.

What do you think the dogs think that place is? Who do they think you are? Every day their parents take them to a place full of friends, where they can run wild and play. Would that we all could live a life like that.

Then at the end of the day, you get to go home to your girlfriend. You see her smile, you kiss her, and the two of you rest your heads on one another. No matter how tiring the day may have been, you have that. You’re secure, you’re happy, and you’re content. Life is good.

But not everything is sunshine and roses. There’s still that whole “living just above the poverty line” business. A single accident or the mildest streak of bad luck is all it would take for this life of yours to come crashing down. It’s hard to enjoy the good things when you have that knowledge there, always looming over you from the back of your mind.

And speaking of your mind…

There’s two parts of you that you’ve never been able to kill, no matter how hard you’ve tried. The first is an ugly thing. It’s selfish and envious and always raging. It’s that bitter part of you that thinks you deserve to live off just your writing, that seethes with jealousy whenever you see another writer succeeding, that curses and hates everyone who scrolls on past a post about your books or your Ko-Fi or your Patreon without ever clicking through and buying something. It’s the part of you that hates the world for not showering you with money and praise at every opportunity.

It’s a childish thing, and it should have died with childhood. But still it lives, and even though you try your damnedest to stamp it out and starve it, to bury those feelings and smother it with your shame at experiencing them, it continues to thrive. You have failed to kill that part of you at every turn, and now all you can do is try to ignore it. Let it shout and seethe by itself, without your voice to focus it.

The other part of you that you can’t kill is a beautiful thing, but that just makes it worse, doesn’t it? It’s hope. It’s the part of you that thinks you could make a living off your writing, the part of you that, whenever you finish or start a project, thinks “Yes, this is the one. This is going to be my big break. It will be a success, and it will make me a success, and everything will be alright.” And no matter how many times that doesn’t happen, still that hopeful part of you refuses to die.

These two parts, seemingly so different, are tightly connected. They feed on each other, in a way. The ugliness grows with the beauty, and the beauty in turn grows with the ugliness. Hope rekindles itself in the face of defeat, but so too does resentment fester. You fear—no, you know—that so long as one lives, so too will the other.

It’s your birthday, and you’re doing the same thing you’ve done the past few years. You’re running a promotion, trying to entice people to join your Patreon or your Ko-Fi; it doesn’t matter to you which. That hopeful part of you thinks that you can make a lot of money off this—after all, surely the offer of free books will entice people!—but you know that even getting one new subscriber would be a minor miracle, and two would be more than you should dare to dream of. You’d be thankful and grateful if this led to any subscriptions at all, and you’d never know quite how to express that gratitude. You’d just let it fill you, and drown that awful envious part of you that rages that it’s still not enough.

You live in Capitalism. Nothing can ever be enough. That’s the whole damn point of the system.

And sometimes these two seemingly unkillable parts of you come together in mourning. In the face of failure, they wonder if maybe you don’t deserve success after all, if maybe you can’t achieve it because you aren’t good enough. It stands to reason, right? If your writing was better, you’d be more successful. That’s what you’ve been taught your whole life.

Maybe you deserve poverty. Maybe you deserve worse than that. After all, look at all this bitterness you’ve allowed to fester within you. Does that not make you a bad person? Does that not make you undeserving?

Yet even in this darkness, that hopeful part of you still refuses to die. It drags you out of the pit and it makes you try again, and again, and again still. You force yourself to keep going, and when you go to work and the dogs look at you with such uncomplicated joy, and you go home and she looks at you with such love, you can’t help but wonder what they’re seeing. Whatever it is, you wish you could see it as well.

So you trudge on, guided by your hope, and if feeding that ugly, selfish envy is the price you must pay to hold onto it, then maybe that’s a fair bargain after all.

A whole new year is stretched out before you. There’s so much you want to do with it, so much you want to accomplish. The truth is that you’ll probably fail on most of the goals you set for yourself. But that doesn’t mean there won’t be a few successes, small though they may be. In a world like this one, every success is something worth celebrating.

Happy birthday, Seann. Welcome to Thirty Two.

[agentmmayy]

august rotation

sorry for the little delay in posting this! school started up and it’s been hectic, but here’s some of the top songs i had on repeat during the month of august and boy was it a hot month for music 

hold the girl- rina sawayama: this song makes my ears orgasm!!!!!!!!!!! the vocals!!!! the BEAT!!!!! the lyrics!!!!! teach me the words i used to know, reach inside and hold you close, i won’t leave you on your own it’s about healing now and healing your younger self and trying not just to hold onto to who you were but to comfort them and hold them close. the entire song is a love letter to your inner child. everything about it sends me through the roof but especially the absolute magical moment between 3:17-3:30 HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!??!!?!?!?!! INSANE. BITING AND RIPPING THINGS AND CRYING!!!!!!!  

it gets dark - sigrid: this song is so punchy i LOVE it. it’s about finding your own path and self and making a life and reaching those little pitfalls and stumbles but still having hope and learning lessons through them!! it’s about it getting dark so you can see the stars!!!! definitely a montage-worthy song. could definitely picture myself walking down a street or in a moving vehicle/train/bus at night listening to this 

the boys of summer - first aid kit: i love first aid kit so much and honestly? this is how this song was supposed to be sung. no i don’t take criticism. it’s achingly sweet and soft and nostalgic for that last breath of summer august chased away. 

out of my head - first aid kit: imo this is their best song to date. they just keep getting better and better. i couldn’t group it with the previous one because of that. it deserves to have its own little paragraph for me to talk about it. the instruments, the vocals, the lyrics. they know just when to pull back and push harder and it makes for suuuuuch a good listening experience. also the harmonies are *pinches earbud wire like pacha* so good. sometimes you DO have to get out of your head to truly see yourself and wonder who you are and where you’re going. stuck inside my dreaming, falling behind shook me. unrelated but i feel like this is a song i’ve heard in the background of my dreams before

shadows - bears den: @preux-chevalier put me onto this song and i haven’t stopped listening to it since. first of all the strings throughout are gorgeous. i’m always a sucker for a violin. second of all- the devotion woven into every line of this is breathtaking. it’s so earnest and loving and yeah i DO want someone who wants me and all my shadows

if it’s not god - maddie zahm: listen. i was attacked. wig? snatched. it captures that wrestling with religion and beliefs you grew up with and finding your own identity and what/how you want to believe. the line in particular what father picks a few just to leave the rest? SCALPED me. holding onto blorbo-ing this for the tags. but the cover art??????????? HELLO???

lucid dreaming - alice kristiansen: this was just rude. still haven’t recovered. never will. it has the rawness very few songs have that just guts me to the core and scrapes everything out without remorse. i had to sit quietly for a bit and just stare at the wall after my first listen. every lyric hits so fucking hard. the entire song is a repeated sucker punch to the stomach. it leaves me winded and aching. i can’t pin point a favorite lyric or else i’d be putting the entire song on this post but this one in particular made me lose my mind: are you tired? are you sleeping? cause i woke up with your ghost again. but the lyrics aren’t the only part doing the heavy lifting in the song because alice kristiansen’s voice is so delicate and the way she sings every line... literally no one else could perform this song as well as she does and that’s that. 

the watching silence - michael & michelle: this duo has the most delicious harmonies and songs that simultaneously hurt me and comfort me. the chorus is pure perfection and i’ve caught myself singing it multiple times when it’s stuck in my head

canyon moon - andrew mcmahon in the wilderness: talk about songs that make me get up and dance!!!!!!! i literally can’t help myself whenever i listen to this song and for that reason i simply cannot play it whenever i’m working or in the studio. andrew mcmahon delivers banger after banger and this is one of the best ones. i crank that shit up!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dance away the pain - number one popstar: got read to filth by this. i enjoy how hopeful it is and ofc it’s an absolute bop but a very specific one. as @whatdoyoumeanif said, it has sad twerking and disco ball vibes. the type of song you hear for the last call in an empty karaoke bar 

[bingobongobonko]

Hassan + Yves:🍇🍑🍰🍹🍔🍟

Sitting in front of you so normally with a vice grip on your shoulders.....Hi!!!!!

For purpose of this ask, gonna be referring to DND Hassan :)

🍇: What sort of friend are they? Where are they in the group dynamic?

Hassan: unsure... hard to say. hassan really aint one to have long-lasting friendships, not outta choice but the fact that his friends usually dont stick around. but in a group he's usually the voice of reason but if that voice of reason could be easily swayed into being an accomplice. like yk the kid from the magical school bus thats like can we PLEASE have a normal field trip..... thats him. thats hassan de ruyter. he's so unsure about everything but he'll tag along cuz he dont got no one else. despite this and his fear of everybody he can honestly be a genuine and kind guy 2 hang with..... just a little bit tired 24/7 and easily exasperated but for the most part it really dont change the fact that he cares about people a LOT. he will sit with you after a very long day and reminisce the past and hope for the future. even if he cant assure himself, he'll sure as hell assure you.

Yves: PETTY ASSHOLE... you wouldnt be even sure if you WERE friends cuz its hard to tell if he likes you or not. cuz he can act like he tolerates you and then talk about you behind your back like its nothing. dreamy sigh... he starts problems with people on purpose... hes THAT guy yk. very petty, very judgemental, but not very secretive about it. he's abrasive and a drama queen but its ok hes silly about it..

🍑: What sort of traits does your OC look for in a Significant Other?

Hassan: same sorta approach he has for friendships: He doesn't. he's never dated, more or less because he doesn't feel like he COULD be dated. however... think his brain flares up for dominant women. women who can carry him bridal style... heeeeeeeeey... not exclusive to women though. but besides that, honestly someone who he can chill with and do fuckall. and probably as introverted out as he is.

Yves: someone who can loosen up and be silaaaay and have fun!!!! he goes out a lot, so having someone who can keep up with him is a good thing!! ofc thats less important. frankly someone who's willing to scratch his back and he'll do the same, mutually beneficial relationship.

🍰: What's something your OC counts as unforgivable?

Hassan: you can do whatever you want, but instigating shit with betsy, you are LITERALLY on his shitlist. thats the only thing in this world he cares about, that and his goat. you cant hurt his animals and get away with it, you are forever hated.

Yves: ripping him away from control, or making him feel like he's not in control. that's probably the biggest part of him. a need to be in control of everything and everyone - including himself. so taking away that choice, no matter how harmful or questionable his choice is, youre basically threatening his entire self worth since his entire persona is built on control and power.

🍹: Does your OC have any funny anecdotes told about them?

Hassan: saedboy... nawt really.. he can be a really HONESTLY funny fucking guy, even if on accident cuz of how he interacts with people, and being a scaredy cat, but no one really knows him long enough for any anecdotes to be made.

Yves: him and elias went out for a night in the city, originally intending to get parts for his mech, but something happened and i dont even know what happened, but they woke up in elias's apartment with half of their face temporarily paralyzed and also ppl on the omninet were calling yves and elias Mistresses. i dont know what happened. i dont know what happened.

🍔: Are there any recent trends you think your OC would hate? Or love?

Hassan: 😭 i dont know any IN trends rn... but i know he'd love the barbie movie i just know he'd gather all of his friends and beg them to watch barbie with him..... he's very fucking passionate about the shit he likes and hes not a pushy guy but he WILL beg on his knees.

Yves: i hate 2 say it... but this is just yves, thats just who he is. he'd HATE the re-emergence of unions.... he's those dudes on twitter who complain abt how no one wants to work these days and like. if youre living on minimum wage then save money and get another job. and then he goes offline and takes wages by being a landlord. do you understand. he's so fucking out of touch and tone deaf.

🍟: What does your OC admit to be their guilty pleasure? What actually is their guilty pleasure?

Hassan: if you'd ask him, *probably* sleeping in. he'll take any inch of sleep he can get, even if its 2 days in a row. that is actually his guilty pleasure. he would not move for anything if he had the choice.

Yves: if asked, he'd probably be like... :) my guilty pleasure is icecream or something super innocuous like that. but its actually making people angry at him and setting shit on fire.

🍩: What's a crime your OC is most likely to commit? What's a crime they're most likely to get arrested for?

Hassan: bit sad but public intoxication... tbh... he does. that a lot. its how he gets himself in deep shit cuz he's a lot more cocky and loud when he's drunk, compared to a sober him that's just anxious and soft spoken. he'd honestly get arrested for being just fucking insanely drunk and doing some stupid shit.

Yves: i cant even answer this question properly bc. he HAS committed crimes, war crimes. actual war criminal. not using the word as a throwabout, thats actually something he's done + tried to do again on more than one occasion. but he'd prolly get arrested for espionage lol

[abiiors]

ok i had a full nights sleep. i am coherent. i am fixing to copy/paste the tweets here for your enjoyment. its a lot.

ok so parx twit had a “trend” on unpopular opinions about the band during the sneaking out of heaven tour (their most recent one) one person said this

“Had to be said. You forgot his over dependence on nyquil and sleep drugs that borderlines abuse, he claims he's straight edge though ✨”

she deleted and posted a noted app apology

“Hey friends, I'm writing this to you, not just as an apology for writing dumb shit on twitter with no thought behind it, but to also share that I do suffer from my own personal addiction to pain medication, and have been since I was 17. Addiction is a real thing, it's a problem and it should be talked about, but not at the expense of others and making baseless assumptions. We all know where false acusations can lead, and it's never a good time. I've been reflecting on my previous inflammatory tweet about Awsten and his use of Nyquil and I want to say that I am truly sorry for my, dumb, offensive and very thoughtless tweet. I didn't stop to think before I wrote something so dumb and hurtful and I'm sorry for that. I'm not perfect, l'm human and I make mistakes. I know I fucked up hard and I'm sorry to anyone that was offended by my words. I can delete a tweet, but I can't take away the fact that I wrote it, and that it's out there causing anger to people, so l'm acknowledging that, and owning my mistakes. I am also very greatful to the people that took the time to educate me on this, I always appreciate any guidance. Moving forward I want to do better, internet etiquette is hard to get right especially when you're in a fandom spanning multiple generations and culture's but l'm definately gonna try harder.”

awsten saw the tweets and now that tour has been over for a while he has responded.

“HEY AND BTW WHEREVER THAT ACORNBRAIN WALMARTMOUTH BREATHING TWITTER DULLED CLOWN IS AT THAT SAID I HAVE A DRUG PROBLEM BC I TAKE ZZZQUIL TO SLEEP IN A BUS ON A THIN ASS MATTRESS, I APPRECIATE UR CONCERN AND I HAVENT HAD ANY SINCE TOUR ENDED, YOU CURED ME OF MY ADDICTION”

“GET COOKED WORMBREATH DUMBASS !!! I HOPE YOURE LIKE 14 BECAUSE IF YOURE OPERATING LIKE THIS AT FULLY GROWN, I FEEL SO SAD FOR YOU HAHA PAINT DRINKER”

he quoted a tweet with this after that.

“THIS AND THEN SELF-RIGHTEOUS PEOPLE SMELLING BLOOD IN THE WATER SWOOP IN TO PAT THEMSELVES ON THE BACK AND ABSOLVE THEM LIKE A PRIEST SAYING "we weren't trying to cancel u we wanted to hold you accountable thank you" LMFAO0000000 I LAUGH EVERY TIME, ITS A FULL CIRCLE OF STUPID”

“it's either a notes app apology or an "i'm taking a break" and they go priv and come back in like two days” ^quoted tweet

he also tweeted a picture of a confessional with “you are… forgiven”

“DUMBEST HILLS HAVE EYES MUTANTS ON HERE WILL BE LIKE “uM personally i think he is so immature and Anyone should be allowed to say Anything and Everything at All Times with no repercussions” SIKE BITCH THIS IS THE REAL WORLD OPEN YOUR EYES”

the person who tweeted what hes talking about is between 32-34 and followed them for a majority of the us tour. they flew in from australia for it. somebody tweeted the photo of the tweet that caused him to say that cropped so the persons @ was cut out and his response to that was

“NO MORE CROPPING NAMES, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, WE SHAME IDIOTS, WE SHAPE THE FUTURE”

“WORLD PEACE

IM OUT”

her response to the paint drinker shit was

“loved waking up to you caling me an idiot, thanks Awsten. This fucked up my mental health something fierce and put me in a really bad place”

“Woke up and burst into tears, thanks Awsten”

and a “Awsten what the fuck”

hold on ill link a few of my favorite tweets from the situation because now what the fuck tweet is a whole fuckin joke.

https://x.com/lowkeyashan/status/1782178428982059407?s=46

https://x.com/aioevera7/status/1782185227428729005?s=46

https://x.com/tantrxmbee/status/1782170160209531077?s=46

-🦞

okay what i'm about to say might be a bad an unpopular take because i only have the context that you've given me in this ask so idk if this user used to be disliked before this, or used to be beloved or super popular or whatever else.

anyway i think awsten is... in the wrong here.

this is not to say that the user who tweeted about his alleged drug addiction is saintly and pure and innocent, that was a fucked up tweet to make regardless of if awsten would have seen and/or responded.

however... if i was a popular celeb with a wholeass fandom i would NEVER say these things publicly like sure i understand being mad that someone is talking to flippantly about drug use and speculating about your drug use online but then to go ahead and call them a bunch of names as well as essentially weaponise your fanbase in a way where they're now making memes about this person, making fun of them etc. i'm glad they're not 14 like he said but he didn't know if they were 14 or not, what if they were super young... what if someone who's barely a teenager had to deal with this not only from someone they adore but also from a whole fandom they considered their own??

anyway... yeah i hope tweetuser is fine and i'm glad there's no addiction here. ooofff that's a messy situation wow 😬

[jjkmylettersto01001010m]

On my flight right now going to Dubai, its 5hours and 5 minutes left for the flight.

This is it, my life that was with you will be buried deep as I start this new journey. I still cannot believe that I am doing this. My mind is processing and so my emotions are delayed. But I give thanks to you for giving me this opportunity, if you never did those things I wouldn’t be where I am right now.

I am taking the pain, anger and frustration into something that I can grow from, be it confidence, self discovery and forgiveness. Being able to remove myself from an environment I knew was toxic was a bold decision and a hard decision to make. But a decision that was a must, for my own sake.

I start work monday straight away and ofcourse I am starting from scratch and I am excited but also scared but who isnt. Its a good scare.

I drove past your house one last time as I went to dinner with my friends at rubery - it was the bus route. That would be the last time I see it. I looked through our memories from my box aswell as I packed, which I somehow cant seem to throw or burn away but yeah made me miss of how you was before but people change. People make decisions selfishly and theres nothing wrong with that as long as you don’t hurt anyone but in your case you did. I hope it was worth it. I only pray good things and happiness - nothing else. The rest I have to deal with and learn to handle in Gods way.

Lord, I now give everything in your hands. Lead me to finding my peace and my purpose. Allow me to experience everything be it good or bad as long as I have you with me. Thank you for everything and I am sorry for everything.

Today marks the day where my new chapter begins - 10.02.23

Praise God, Amen.

Kate.

[iambilliejeanok]

♥️Feel better♥️

Itachi Uchiha takes care of his sick s/o who unfortunately caught a really bad cold during their mission together. Fortunately for her though, Itachi is there to take care of his baby until they get back home and Kisame is more than happy to attend to his close partners need too. (*proceeds to cry in loneliness *)

Warnings: 18+ shit man I had to come back up here and change the entire fluff message because I got horny and now it’s no longer just fluff. I tried my best sorry. There is still a toooon of fluffy lovey dovey content, Kissing, nsfw and dirty smut and slight ddlg That’s all🙂

@sleeepy-zeepy here’s one for us and our undying love for Kisame and @mangekyoitachi there’s enough Itachi for all of us to bus a nut for☺️☺️

Rain poured outside of the hotel you slept in. The hard pitter pattering on the window made you feel very uncomfortable, which was unusual because the rain usually eases your nerves, helping you fall asleep faster. Tonight however, you wouldn’t stop squirming in bed, your body feeling a little cold as you snuggled further into your lover. “Go to sleep baby”, Itachi sleepily mumbled, kissing your forehead and wrapping his arms around you to pull you closer to him. Itachi already turned the heat up in your little hotel room and he made sure to get extra blankets for you tonight, but you still shivered beside him. He lazily pulled your shirt off, your pants coming off too as you tossed under the covers, making the job a little more trickier for him. Smiling, he placed a little peck on your cheek, whispering in your ear to ease you,

“Hey y/n, just lay still, I’ll take care of the rest”, he said, attempting to pull your pant off of your clammy skin.

“Noooo!”, you whined, kicking and shoving him away with your eyes closed, the intense tingly sensation flowing through your body making you feel very agitated.

“We have to get these off of you”, he said, almost forcefully holding you still so he could get this over and done with. Itachi just knew you were coming down with a fever the moment you stepped into the hotel. The pouring rain outside having drenched you, himself as well as Kisame, but they felt fine and you were a little uncomfortable.

After washing you down in a nice hot shower he finally managed to get you in bed, and now he had to take your pajama’s off so you didn’t heat up in the night. He also thought that having your skin pressed against his would help with your shivering and constant tossing.

When he held you tight, that seemed to do the trick, the heat of his body on yours feeling amazing and the skin on skin contact fired up your blood so it traveled through your body in waves of heat. Breathing out into his chest, you had first felt the warmth spreading across both of your feet, the pleasurable heat traveling upwards until you body lay still and you began to drift in and out of a much needed sleep. Eventually you’d fallen asleep, staying tucked right under Itachi’s hold until the bright morning sun shone through the misted window, the heat from the room plus the cold outside having steamed up the window well enough that the sun didn’t feel so harsh penetrating the room you two were cuddled up in.

“Is sleepy head finally awake?”, you heard the soothing deep voice above you ask. With a quick whine you buried your face into his neck, finding a better position while trying to get the covers on top of you, whining a little louder when you failed. Chuckling, Itachi helped cover you up, the vibrations of his chest soothing you back into a deep sleep while his arms wrapped around you under the covers. “There you go”, he whispered, deeply inhaling the natural scent of your skin before slightly dozing off again. You were just so exhausted, the extra sleep you snuck in confirming Itachi’s thoughts that you were definitely getting sick. He didn’t mind sleeping in with you this morning, knowing that some cozy cuddles would help get you through this much quicker and easier. He had already told Kisame that they probably wouldn’t be leaving their room today, seeing that you were a little grumpy when they walked in the hotel last night.

Kisame had woken up in the early hours of the morning, when you and Itachi were still fast asleep, getting a good workout in before he took a shower and sat in his bed to read a book, assuming that there would be a knock on his door if ever you two were ready to go back out.

Itachi couldn’t bring himself to sleep anymore, straining his neck to look over at the time. It read 12:45pm. When was the last time he slept in until noon? Carefully, he unwrapped your warm and sticky self off of him, gently brining the covers back over you before he sat up on the bed, the feel of soft cotton on his bare feet very refreshing as he stretched and yawned. A shower and probably ordering some breakfast would wake you up. Maybe you’d have to skip a shower this morning and just have breakfast.

Slowly, your eyes fluttered open, the bright sun almost blinding you before you quickly covered yourself with the blanket. A big yawn followed by a stretch helped you wake up a little, the bed very warm and so was the room, your foot sticking out the side of the covers to test the temperature. Your throat hurt so much that even yawning was uncomfortable and you just knew that you were sick. The thought of the ongoing mission you’d have to take on today made you whine, the aches in your body bringing tears to your eyes. You could not possibly continue with your mission in this wet and cold weather. The yucky feeling washing over you enough to make you feel nauseas.

Your body automatically jumped out of the bed, making a beeline for the bathroom just in time for you to heave all the contents of your stomach out, which was mostly green tea and rice from the night before.

You couldn’t hear the door open and then shut as you still heaved over the toilet, fighting for a breath of air as your body continued to heave air over the toilet. A slightly cold hand ran down your back, another one flat against your forehead as your body finally allowed you to breathe again. “Not feeling too good today love?”, Itachi stated, wiping the wetness on your mouth with some tissues before flushing everything away. “Come here”, he said, easily scooping you in his arms to carry you to bed. “You’re very warm baby”, he said, your half naked body heating his clothed one up as he held you against him. Snuggling into his shirt, you appreciated the coolness his clothes brought against your skin from being outside the warm room.

A knock sounded at the door, Itachi quickly placing you under the covers to go and answer it. It was probably Kisame. His very close and trusted partner. “Kisame”, Itachi greeted, leaving the door open for him to enter while Itachi walked away to turn down the heat. “It’s way too hot in here Itachi”, the shark man groaned, closing the door behind him. “So she’s sick?” he asked, seeing you tossing a little under the heavy blankets. “Very”, Itachi replied, “I don’t think we should head out until she’s better. It’s just not going to work out until she’s in her right mind again”.

“I figured”, shark man replied, walking over to stand beside your bed. “Hey”, he awkwardly greeted. Noticing the bare skin of your shoulders be thought it be best he left now. At least until you were dressed. As he turned around to leave your warm hand caught his colder one, the coolness never fading away as your clammy hand remained in his large cold one. “Kisame, hey”, you whispered, your breasts now fully exposed from reaching out for his hand. Kisame felt his cheeks warm up at the lovely sight, quickly turning his head away in respect of yours and Itachi’s privacy.

“Uhm…y/n”, Kisame cleared his throat, looking over at Itachi for help, but his friend was too busy working on breakfast in the kitchen. “What’s wrong Kisa?”, came your raspy voice. “Well, your…uhm, your breasts”, Kisame answered, trying to look at everything but the voluptuous mounds on your chest, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand while the index and middle finger of his other hand were held by your loose and warm grip. “Oh sorry”, you said, letting go of his hand to snuggle further under the blankets. With a friendly huff he took a step back, turning around to walk toward the kitchen and talk to his friend, breathing in deep to ease the nerves you just spiked up.

“Kisame!”, your voice cracking at the end, a little cough escaping at your attempt to raise your voice. Shark man immediately turned on his heels, looking over at you in surprise. He was well aware of how needy and clingy you were, that was your natural personality and he kind of liked that about you. Sometimes your hugs and cheek kisses made him feel a little bit better, having you around was wholesome. He was glad you were with Itachi. The two of you were friends he never thought he’d be able to have. People that he was worried he could actually trust.

“Yes y/n…you okay?”, he asked, fully turning to face you, drowning in the comfort of your bed. Sharp white teeth peaked through his mouth when he saw your hand come out the blankets in search for his. Taking a few steps closer, he finally held your warm hand, his large one completely engulfing your own. The coolness you felt radiate from him was kind of nice and he could say the same about the warmth from your hand.

“You’re very warm y/n”, he said, running his thumb over your wrist, you wondered if he was even aware of what he was doing, smiling up at him when you responded, “Its freezing out there”. A light chuckle left his lips, “Y/n it’s ninety degrees in here , you can’t possibly still be co-”, he began to say, but his words were cut off when you casually sat up in the bed, stretching with your arm out wide before dropping it to the covers. He stood frozen in place, your hand still holding on to his. “Itachi!”, Kisame called, very loud, unable to handle the sight of your bare chest before him, your nipples a little perky from the slight change in temperature between the covers and the air around you.

“Kisame?”, Itachi responded, leaning against the door frame, “What?”, he asked, completely unphased by his half naked girlfriend holding onto his most trusted friend’s hand. Kisame looked a little confused, cocking his head in your direction while maintaining eye contact with him. A bead of sweat fell down the side of his forehead and it was not because the room was warm. “Can you get her a fucking shirt?” , Kisame finally spat out, unable to control the growing erection in his pants. “Sure”, was all Itachi said, grabbing one of his shirts from a bag pack and tossing it over at Kisame. “I have to make sure the soup doesn’t burn”, he said, hurrying to the kitchen, Kisames eyes widening in disbelief as he watched his friend disappear into the other room.

Swallowing he looked over at you and you looked right back at him, letting go of his hand to put both your arms up, your actions further exposing the shape and swell of your breasts. “What?”, Kisame asked, having long given up on not staring at your breasts, your dark and pretty brown areolae sweetly surrounding your brown nipples. Maybe they taste just as good as they loo- “Kisa?”, you called, distracting him from his heated thoughts as his eyes shot right back to yours. “Oh sorry uh, what’s up?”, he stuttered, fighting for his life trying not to stare again. “I’m ready for the shirt”, you said, lifting your arms up again. “Oh…o-okay”, he said a little confused. “Here”, he handed the shirt to you. “Please put it on for me?”, you sweetly asked, looking right into his eyes. How could he possibly say no to you. There was something so gentle about you that made him feel like he was crazy for not thinking of putting it on for you himself and for just a young second he almost understood the relationship between you and Itachi. Why you were so affectionate towards one another. It felt nice to be needed, even if it was in the smallest ways, like putting your shirt on for you.

“There”, he said, standing back so you could pull it down and fix it to your liking. “Thank you”, you yawned, lifting your arms up and making grabby hands. His eyebrows furrowed again, what’s this supposed to mean? “Pick her up”, Itachi said, bringing the breakfast into the room and placing it on the little wooden table not too far from the window. Kisame spun on his feet to look over at Itachi. This was weird. How was Itachi okay with any of this? This was his significant other. His lover. Partner. Literally his world and he was just letting him join it? “Uh, Itachi?”, he asked, now very confused. “I just saw your woman naked and now you want me to pick her up?”, he bluntly stated, unable to hold back the confusion any longer. “I don’t feel comfortable doing that”. Itachi sighed out loud enough, walking towards his friend. “Kisame, I thought we were partners?” Itachi asked.

“Yes we are”, shark man responded.

“And so is Y/N?”, Itachi asked again.

“Yes of course”.

“Then I want you to love and take care of her like you do for me. We’re all partners here and we should all take care of each other and trust one another. It also makes me quite happy that Y/N trusts you enough to ask for your care. That’s not something she takes lightly with just anyone….she’s sick and she needs both of us for a speedy recovery”,Itachi said, turning on his heels and walking away to go get another tray of food.

“Like she’s my girlfriend too?”, Kisame asked, a short huff leaving his mouth, finding the situation so ridiculous that he couldn’t help but be amused, but Itachi’s next words completely threw him off guard.

“Yes. You’re more than welcome to have her as your lover. She has more than enough love to give the both of us”.

“Wha-”

“Kisaaa, pick me up”, you whined, running out of patience as you waited for the two men to finish conversing.

“Go ahead, and come eat breakfast. She’s also really soft…unless you do-”, Itachi said but was cut off by the loud squeal that came of your mouth.

Kisame quickly placed both his large hands under your armpits and lifted you off the bed, your legs immediately wrapping around his bulky waist and your arms wrapping around his neck, a small satisfied smile on your lips as you nuzzled your face into his neck.

Itachi was totally right. You were extremely soft. Your breasts squishing against the muscular expanse of his chest, the warmth radiating from your body covering him like a blanket. The thighs that wrapped tightly around him and the way you snuggled into him made him feel tingly inside. Warm. You actually wanted him?

Obviously this wasn’t the first time Kisame had been with another woman, but it was surely the first time he’d experience affection on this level. The way you hugged him and clung to him like you’d normally do to Itachi made him feel needed, automatically making him wrap his arms around you and hold you closer to him, inhaling the natural scent of your skin.

“She needs to eat”, Itachi said from across the room, sitting down on the cushion closest to the wall. Kisame felt so relaxed as you held onto him, finally understanding why you and Itachi babied one another so much. He felt like he was melting, enjoying this so much that Itachi’s voice nearly startled him.

“Here eat”, Itachi said, bringing up the renge with hot soup to his mouth to blow before bringing it to your mouth. “Baby”, Itachi nudged you, smiling because you were falling asleep as you snuggled into his arm. “Huh?”, you said, your eyes barely open, trying to get yourself together and failing because of how awful you felt. “Come here”, Itachi mused, pulling you to sit in the little space between his legs so he could feed you better.

Kisame smiled at the two of you, his heart warming at the love Itachi was showing you, wondering if he could ever give that or receive that with you while he ate his food too.

After breakfast Itachi cleaned up, giving Kisame a chance to take care of you too. This was the perfect opportunity for the two of you to bond better…on a more emotional sense.

Kisame scooped you up from Itachi’s arms and placed you back in bed, your throat feeling much better from the soup you ate. You probably wouldn’t stay sick for more than two days with how well Itachi took care of you.

As Kisame was about to turn away after tucking you in, he felt your fingers close on his index and middle finger again, making him turn around to look at you. “Stay”, you sleepily said, weakly pulling him closer to you. As much as Kisame like the idea of cuddling with you, it was definitely going to take some time for him to get used to this.

Pulling the covers down, he crawled in to lay beside you, surprised at how quickly you managed to wrap yourself around him, almost laying on him like he was the damn bed. The minute you got comfortable you passed out, your steady breaths on his neck telling him that. With a sigh he pulled the blankets over you, relaxing into the soft mattress as his hands gently ran over your back.

This was nice he thought, his hand accidentally grazing your ass while he caressed you. He didn’t mean to, it’s just that because he was such a giant, you were quite small to him and your waist sat a little further above his waist, making it quite easy for him accidentally bump into your ass when he forgot that you weren’t covering his entire abdomen. Great. There goes the erection again.

He tried to calm himself down, opting to simply wrap one hand around you and place the other under his head, slowly dozing off, lulled by your slumber.

Kisame woke up with a light jolt, totally having let his guard down and succumbed to a slumber he didn’t even remember he enjoyed as much as this. How long was he asleep for? He could smell your scent all over him, realizing that his head was wrapped by your arm , your hand running through his hair while the other lightly scratched his back. If you were trying to kill him he would’ve of considered himself dead a very long time ago because your touch just made him so weak. That’s probably why he slept for so long. “I think he’s awake”, he heard you say, lifting his head up to look at you, his cheeks heating up at the realization that his face was buried right between your breasts. “Oh I’m sorry”, he said, quickly jerking back. “It’s okay”, you chuckled, “Someone was a little more tired than I was”, you chuckled again, your usual character coming back a little. That soup and some rest must of done the trick he thought to himself. “Kisame, glad you could catch up on rest”, Itachi said, right behind you, his hand reaching under the shirt he let you wear and slowly traveling up. He did that so casually, shuffling closer to you and pushing his knee between your thigh, the long and sweet kisses he placed on your neck making Kisame feel rather uncomfortable. Why was Itachi doing this right in front of him.

A feint sigh left your lips at the small roll of Itachi hips against your ass, his hand obviously cupping your breast under the shirt you wore, a tug of your nipple making you softly moan. Itachi continued to kiss your neck, softly sucking as he went along, getting closer and closer to your lips.

Kisame wanted to leave. He would’ve left long time ago if it hadn’t been for the way you held eye contact with him while Itachi fondled you, your hand lightly running along his beefy arm, while the other now intertwined with Itachi’s, gently gripping his arm when Itachi pinched your nipple harder.

Kisame was already rock hard, his erection forming an obvious tent in his pants. What the hell were you doing to him? Fuck y/n.

As Kisame contemplated his next move, Itachi’s hand slipped out from your shirt and reached out for Kisame’s. The shark man swallowed, a little nervous of where this was going. He had to admit to himself that the two of you made him feel very shy. You were just so beautiful, so soft and you smelled so good. He’d never been with a woman this intimately and the fact that his friend was inviting him into the world he was living in made him blush.

“You’re more than welcome to back out at any point”, Itachi said, breaking his mouth away from your skin to speak, leading his hand to your lower tummy. “Do you want to see her breasts?”, Itachi asked, Kisame almost choking on his spit, upset with himself for being so awkward. He’s made a mess of plenty of woman in his lifetime, quite easily, bringing them to a whiny ball of tears each time. He was natural at pleasing women, he actually craved for it sometimes. He craved to feel nails clawing his back and the clear liquid coating his face. He craved the way it smelled and the way it tasted, the sounds they made. He desired all of it but here and now he was worried that he wouldn’t be enough for you. What if he couldn’t please you how you wanted? Even if he asked…you were so gentle in everything you did and he was worried he would be too rough for you. Maybe a little aggressive. The last thing he wanted was to scare you off.

“Kisame it’s okay. Princess, be a good girl and get on your knees so our friend can help you out of your shirt”, Itachi spoke, noticing the hesitance in his friends eyes.

“Yes daddy”, you replied, already in sub space, getting to your knees with both men helping you, also now on their knees. Itachi behind you and Kisame in front of you.

Daddy? Kisame wondered, his dick twitching at how you easily obeyed your lover, the word coming out of your mouth in such a seductive manner, never breaking eye contact with Kisame.

Lifting up your hands, Kisame lifted up your shirt too, gulping at the wonderful sight of your breasts once again, before looking back up at your beautiful face. Itachi’s hands traced down your sides, gently cupping each mound and squeezing them, making Kisame swallow some more.

“My Princess is quite sensitive”, Itachi spoke, lightly pinching your nipple, Kisame witnessing the way your lips parted and your back arched a little, Itachi pulling you a little closer to him, he’s knees on either side of you as he dove in to kiss your neck, pulling out more soft whines and whimpers, Kisame nearly panting at how your body reacted, squirming in Itachi’s hold as he sucked and bit at your skin, leaving a trail of red marks behind. The sounds you made would even bring a man like him to his knees, your back arching and your hands clawing at Itachi’s hands as he got rougher, kneading your breasts and pinching your nipples, causing you to whine out in frustration, your hips grinding the air for relief, your eyes barely managing to stay opened as you kept contact with Kisame.

“Would you like to try?”, Itachi asked, looking at Kisame with a hopeful look, watching him desperately nod.

Itachi smiled, “ Princess”, he called, “Yes daddy?”, you answered,

“Do you want Kisame to touch you too?”.

“Yes daddy”, you moaned, enjoying the way he still pinch and pulled at your sensitive nips.

A loud smack sounded, followed by a sharp gasp, Itachi having slapped your breast quite hard. “Whatever happened to your manners sweetie?”, he asked, lightly smacking the same breast again, Kisame deeply appreciating the way it bounced at the impact. Your hips jerked forward in hot want.

“I’m sorry daddy”, you apologized, your voice a little whiny. Such a good girl, Kisame thought, his heart beating like drum at how easily Itachi handled you, excited with how well you reacted. Was he allowed to spank you too? Was he allowed to punish you? To deny you? Make you beg and cry? No. It was all too soon he thought. He would definitely scare you away. Little does he know…

“Try that again”, Itachi spoke, his voice deeper than usual.

“Kisaaa”, you called, the way you said his name convincing enough, that it already sounded like you were begging. “Please will you touch me too”, you asked, and that was enough for him.

A soft sigh left your lips when his cool hands made contact with your hot skin, gently kneading them before squeezing, his eyes only breaking away from yours to watch how your breasts filled his palms, loving the weight of them in his hands.

“Don’t be afraid to play with her. She’s a very good girl”, Itachi spoke, taking your mouth into his in a searing hot kiss, tracing his tongue along your lips, pulling it back into his mouth when you tried to latch onto it, making you whine out in frustration. Kisame decided to test the waters, pinching your nipples between his thick fingers. Lightly jolting at the sudden pain you moaned, the smell of your arousal now clouding Kisames head, bringing out the inner shark in him. He didn’t want to be rough with you, but he didn’t know how else to be. He figured he’d just embrace who he really was like you always told him to, hungrily latching onto your nipple, immediately sucking and nipping, his sharp teeth introducing a sensation totally different from Itachi’s. It was way more intense and stung much more too, the pain drenching your black, cotton undies with your want. Itachi swallowed all your moans, holding your hips down toward him so you’d stop squirming and Kisame could enjoy himself in peace.

“Baby, does that feel good?”, Itachi asked, only centimeters away from your lips, your eyes lazily looking into his red ones.

“Yes, so good”, you breathed, your seductive voice forcing a low growl from Kisame, causing your hips to jerk forward too, Itachi immediately slamming them back to him.

He found your lips again, finally allowing you to suck on his tongue, your teeth accidentally grazing it as you tried to take the delicious pain Kisame inflicted on your breasts.

When Itachi noticed you were parting from him his hand came up to bury itself in your hair, now tongue fucking your pretty mouth, enjoying the way you sucked on it.

Kisame was far gone in the taste of your skin, your back perfectly arching for him and your nipples now extremely sensitive from having undergone his constant attention to each one. You yearned for more, the fire inside of you only burning Kisame, your squirming slightly nerving him. But you weren’t able to voice your need for more since your tongue was now Itachi’s treat and Kisame didn’t halt from his attack on your nipples, your soft moaning only music to their ears.

Tracing a straight line down to your heat, pressing his long index finger against your clothes folds, adding light pressure spot you needed it the most.

Itachi broke the kiss, oh how you loved kissing him. Sometimes all you wanted to do was kiss him. And the two of you would kiss for hours, tasting each other’s mouths and feeling each other’s bodies.

“Please!”, you whined, trying to grind you hips against Kisame’s finger but Itachi stopped you, making you whine louder.

He needed you to come hard. At least three times so you could sleep the night away. And he wouldn’t be mean tonight because you weren’t feeling well and with an additional man pleasuring you, he really didn’t not want to overwhelm you.

“Here baby, let me help you”, came Kisame’s voice, your nipples finally getting a break from his delicious torture. Something about Kisame calling you baby made your heart sour. “Okay Kisa”, you moaned, letting him slide your panties off of you, adjusting yourself so you could help him get rid of them.

Once they were off, your legs lay on either side of him, draped over his thighs, Itachi having placed a pillow under your lower back to get you to cum faster. The easier you came the more often you came and the more often you came the better rest you got. Well that was just one of his plans for tonight.

Kisame immediately understood the assignment, waiting for Itachi to help you into a more relaxed position before they could start lovingly breaking you.

You lay on your back, on top of Itachi, who fondled your breasts and enjoyed your mouth, your thighs on either of Kisame’s, your soaking heat bare and ready for Kisame to enjoy.

Kisame smiled at your squirming, placing a hand on your hip to keep you in place.

“Don’t worry sweet thing” Kisame said, his free hand rubbing your thigh. “I’m going to take good care of you, but I need you to be patient okay”, he added, placing both his hands under each of your thighs, lifting them up onto his broad shoulders. “I want to take my time, so I can savor you”, his warm breath now on your inner thighs. “So just relax and let me taste you. I promise you’ll come as soon as I’m satisfied”, he finished, his mouth now centimeters from your core, the smell so heavenly. It was your smell and he was obsessed.

Whimpering you couldn’t help but buck forward, desperate for the ache in your core to be relieved. “Ahhhhhh”, you moaned out in surprise and pleasure at the feel of something very warm and roughly textured drag between your folds. Kisame slowly dragged his tongue up and down your folds, the rough texture adding a new sensation that made your back arch. You felt him spread your lips wide open, already whimpering in delight at how he would pull your little clit in his mouth and suck on it until you came all over his face, but to your disappointment he continued to slowly drag his tongue up and down, only passing over your clitoris with slightly added pressure before dragging it back down and sinking it in your heat. “Ahhhhhh! Fuck!”, you cried out. You certainly did not want to cum like this. You did not want to cum like this.

Itachi kisses you once again, exploring your mouth, biting your lip and caressing you, while Kisame’s wonderful tongue worked you terribly closer to your orgasm, his rough tongue dragging up to your clitoris and back down to fuck your tight hole. Clearly he wasn’t joking about savoring you and you did not like that one bit.

Itachi could sense that you were about to cum, your moans turning into desperate whimpers as you struggled to kiss him back. You wanted to push him away from you so you could concentrate on not cumming, but he kept on pushing your hands back down. Out of frustration you ran hands through Kisame’s hair, gripping it so you could angle your hips so he’d finally focus on your clit, but he was very strong and you were sick and on the verge of an orgasm so it didn’t really work out.

Itachi finally broke the kiss, his eyebrows furrowing, analyzing your current frustration. You were going to cum so there was no reason for you to be this whiny.

“Princess, just relax and let Kisame take of care of you. Stop fighting him” , he softly spoke into your ear, but his words only flew out the other as you grip the sheets as hard as you can, shitting your eyes tight to try and not cum.

Kisame could sense your resistance. “What’s the matter y/n? I told you to be patient” he said, stopping all his motions to look up at you. Tears filled your eyes, your body still squirming as both men simply watched you, patiently waiting for you to respond.

“Well?”, Itachi said, placing soft kisses all over your face. “Answer him”.

You absolutely did not know what to say because nothing that you could’ve possibly said right now would make sense as to why you were fussing so much.

Kisame’s stare was so cold, and you just knew he wouldn’t give in to any begging, so you redirected your attention towards Itachi, who looked at you a little more lovingly.

“I want him to suck on my clit”, you said, embarrassed to be asking for such. Kisame heard you, interested in what Itachi’s response would be.

“Ask him to do that”, he simply said, running his thumb along your swollen lip.

Sighing in defeat you looked down at the man between your legs.

“Kisame…”, you said, feeling a little nervous with having someone you weren’t emotionally connected with pleasuring you.

“Yes, talk to me”, he said, his hand lightly rubbing the thigh that sat on his shoulder.

“Please…uhm, can you suck on my clit a little more?”, you finally asked, biting your lip at the devilish look he gave you.

“I’m still savoring you. You taste very sweet and I’d like to enjoy you for as long as I can before you start kicking and screaming at me”, he said, pushing your other thigh off of his shoulder and closer to your chest.

He smiled at your whining. “If you keep on whining I won’t let you cum…you’d like to cum won’t you?”, he asked.

“Yes pleaaasee”, you whined, a tear falling down your cheek.

“Okay then will you sit still and let me eat you out?”

“Yes Kisa”, you said, taking in a deep breath.

Itachi cupped your cheek, his dick painfully hard at the sight of Kisame between your legs, making you squirm like this.

“Good girl”, he said, coming down to softly kiss you, Kisame spreading your lips apart once again.

This time he started lazily circling your throbbing clit with his tongue, enjoying the way you arched your back, unable to buck your hips up with the new position.

When he felt you getting too excited he stopped, opting to tongue fuck you, the strong muscle stretching you out enough to make you cum, the minute he sensed you getting closer he stopped again.

Itachi swallowed your loud whine, running this thumb along your cheek.

Kisame remembered that you weren’t feeling well and if you were any other woman he wouldn’t care, he’d still break you like this, edging you to tears, but because it was you, he felt a little sympathetic, finally latching onto your clit and roughly sucking.

Your back arched off the bed, Itachi still holding you down and forcing his tongue into your mouth, hushing the harsh screams you let out as you suddenly came, the liquid that built up inside of you squirting out, Kisame happily lapping it all up, overstimulating you while at it.

The restrictions the two men had on your body drove you to tears, the pleasure exploding inside of you from having no where to go but through you. You were forced to take the pleasure, shaking like a leaf by the time your squirting subsided.

Itachi broke the kiss, admiring your beautiful orgasmic face trying to breath through the overstimulation. “Okay okay, I’ve got you, just breathe”, he whispered into your ear before looking down at Kisame who was still softly sucking on your nub, careful not to bring his rough tendencies out.

“Go ahead, she can handle another one”, he said, Kisame nodding in approval, rubbing your sensitive bundle of nerves with his middle finger before slowly sinking it into you, the thickness of his single finger stretching you out so well.

“Oh f-fuck!”, you cried out, your words barely forming at the pressure Kisame placed on your gspot, revealing his sharp teeth in a satisfied smile, before roughly fingering you, your poor cunt immediately gushing more, spraying all over Kisame’s beefy arm.

“Ahhh there you go. Yes good girl”, he growled, latching on to your clit again to roughly suck on it, while Itachi held you still, almost smiling at how you struggled, enjoying the pleasure your teammate gave you.

After you’d cum for the fourth time Kisame decided you needed a little break, spreading both your thighs apart and licking the juice that spilled onto your thighs, his sharp teeth leaving little bruises behind as he nipped and sucked, your body shivering and your soft moans filling the room as you slowly calmed.

Itachi cradled your up half in his arms, hushing you with kisses, cuddles and praises, gently wiping your tears away.

“You’re such a good girl, you look so beautiful with Kisame between your legs”, he whispered, wiping the sweat on your forehead off with his hands before planting a kiss there.

“Would you like another one princess?”, Itachi genuinely asked, his heart melting at the shaky “no thanks” you let out. Even through your orgasm you still remembered your manners.

As much as their dicks painfully throbbed in their pants there would be no pleasure for them tonight, yours being the priority.

“I’ll go get a towel”.

Kisame stood up and walked towards the bathroom, returning with a warm damp towel, slowly cleaning you up but his touch was not as gentle as Itachi’s, dragging the towel over your sensitive clit like you had no feelings, your hands coming up to block him but he simply held them, quickly wiping you squeaky clean before heading to the bathroom to clean himself up.

“I need you please”, you whispered to Itachi, “inside me”.

“Baby, you need to rest”

“No…please, please I really want you on top of me”, you begged, bring up your hand to cup his cheek, his eyes still slowly spinning, having recorded the entire session, capturing your vulnerable expressions.

How could he possibly say no to you, his good little princess.

“Here baby”, he said, placing you flat on the bed before coming up to stand, stripping right in front of you.

You reached your arms out for him, your hands rubbing his back he hovered above you, brining his fingers to slowly rub your clit, instantly regretting your decision to let these men get off too. You just hated for them to not have a good time too, even though they both were happy with just rubbing it out in the bathroom.

“Please slowly”, you said, wrapping your legs around his torso as he lined himself with your wet entrance.

“Anything for you love”, he said, pushing himself all the way into you with one, unexpected thrust, causing you to scream, the stretch and fullness steadily overwhelming you, making you whimper, your back arching in pleasure.

“Not too hard please daddy”, you begged, Itachi bringing your hands up above your head, pinning them down with one hand while the other held onto your hip for grip. His eyes rolled to the back of his head, your tight pussy squeezing him so deliciously.

“Don’t worry baby, I’ll take it care of you, just relax”, he responded, tugging you a little closer so he could get a better angle. “Ahhh! f-fuuuuck”, you screamed, the first thrust hard enough to crumble you. Now why tf did you suggest this. Now you had to hold out until the end.( gotta see it through my boi)

“Ah babyyy, you feel so good”, he said, thrusting into you again, getting into a steady slow rhythm, making you bury your head into his shoulder and biting.

He filled you so much and you wondered how you always forgot how he felt inside of you the moment he left you, his slow thrusts deep enough to stimulate your A spot (the part at the back of your vjj that people think is the cervix) and you just knew you wouldn’t last long.

His black hair dangled above you, his warm breath all over face as he spoke to you, telling you all the things he admired about you, that he would take care of you until he died, expressing how much he loves you with his heavy deep thrusts that drove you to insanity and with the sweet words from his heart. Words that you could still clearly hear even though your thighs shook and you began whimpering, you could still hear every word he spoke to you, your heart exploding with all the love you have for him, tears running down the sides of your face as you came, the feeling so intense with Itachi still making love to you.

“OoooOh m-my gosh b-b-baby, I c-can’t”, you cried, stuttering “I love you’s” to him as he chased his own orgasm, your orgasm milking him so well that he knew he would cum soon and he wondered if you could cum again.

Picking up the pace he let go of your hands, bringing one to your face while the other started rubbing your nub.

Throwing your head forward you shut your eyes tight, mouth wide open and your hands death gripping the sheets as the pleasure grew overwhelming, another orgasm threatening to crash into you so hard.

“Fuck yes! You’re so close baby, I’m so close. Ah shit! I’m going to cum baby, will you cum with me? God come with me my good little princess! I love you so much”, he moaned, chocking on his words as his thrusts grew sloppier, moaning your name as he unloaded deep inside of you. The feeling of his seed being released inside of you sending you over the edge, your eyes rolling back as your vision clouded.

Opening your eyes the entire room was dark, only the dim light of the moon coming through the window.

Your hand was resting under your chin, your body huddled very close to someone, another man pressing against your back, the feint breathing of the two men reminding you of the night you shared. With a smile on your face you turned over, trying to not wake up the two handsome men pressing on either side of you, bringing Kisame’s hand to wrap his arm around you as you softly called at Itachi.

“Itachi…Itachi, wake up”, you whispered, his head instantly jolting off of the pillow to feel for you in the dark. “Yes love, what’s wrong?”, he sleepily said, wrapping his arm around your back to pull you closer to him, the warmth you shared with the two men absolutely delicious. If you could choose you’d lay here forever, with the two men who made you feel safe and sound, happy, loved and taken care of. You mostly felt overwhelmed with love for the two of them, because even though you weren’t romantically involved with Kisame before this night, he still stood beside you like a true partner in everything.

Your felt a hand silent rub your ass, squeezing it hard enough that you let out a small gasp, wondering what Kisame was up to. “You’re all awake?”, came his deep voice, his hand pushing between your thighs to cut your naked pussy. “Uh! Kisame”, you moaned, “I just got up”.

“And You’re surprisingly wet?”, Kisame teased, placing softer kiss on your shoulder. “Why”, he asked, now running his fingers between your folds, l your juices lubricating each one so he could gently rub your clitoris.

“Oohhhhhh!”, you moaned, His fingers pushing into your tight walls, sinking in deep until he felt that spot that made you cry out in pleasure. He started slowly rubbing it, nothing compared to how rough he was early on, quickly bringing you so close to orgasm, your hand intertwined with Itachi’s , while he softly breathed, aware of what was going on but still tired.

Before you were able to cum Kisame stopped, and before you complained about it you felt his incredible size enter you, the sudden intrusion making you scream. You were so tight but he slowly kept pushing into you, spreading your ass nice a wide for him to go a little deeper.

As soon as you felt him touch your cervix your body couldn’t handle it anymore and Kisame could sense that. He was very cold a sensing these things. His fingers started circling your clit, giving you time to adjust to his size, but you already broke down, a wonderful orgasm crashing into you in intense bursts, your soft screaming having long woken Itachi up, his mouth latching into the nipple that Kisame’ was not tugging on, softly sucking on it, enjoying the softness in his mouth.

Kisame started moving, his slow thrusts very intense, leaving you screaming and whimpering with every thrust until he came hard, deep inside of you, biting your neck during his release.

You were so exhausted, your orgasms so intense having to manage his size but he didn’t pull out of you, lifting your leg up so he could get a better angle.

The new angle was absolutely sinister, making you cry, Itachi whispering sweet nothing’s in your ears to help you through it. He was going so deep, and so hard, his fingers on your clit keeping you on orgasm mode.

Having to take it easy on you and also trying to pleasure himself was a bit of a challenge for him, he need more, he needed to fuck you faster, his hips brutally picking up the pace, intensifying your orgasm and making you squirt, making a mess on everyone and the sheets.

Even after he came for the second time your cries couldn’t subside, your body still squirming as this orgasm lasted much longer.

The only thing Itachi could do was hold you tight, rubbing your back as you quivered on top of him, Kisame gently wiping the two of you clean, placing towels on the wet spots of the bed for you all to lay down on.

In the morning you felt rather refreshed, your congestion having cleared up and your throat completely healed.

Itachi and Kisame were lay on either side of you, lazily stroking you as they woke from their sleep, the sunlight filling the room once again.

You were sound asleep, too cozy to try and wake up. All you wanted to do today was lay in bed with your two partners, their arms wrapped around you like heaven.

[atsumuahh]

“ SECRET LOVER ” dreamwastaken

characters !

dreamwastaken, wilbur’s twin!reader, technoblade, philza, tommyinnit, wilbur soot, karl, sapnap, georgenotfound, drista, tubbo.

summary !

when reader chooses the dsmp high everything seems to be great, but things gets complicated when her brand new crush turns out to be her oldest brother’s rival. it gets even more complicated when he asks her out.

warnings !

swear words, usage of dream’s real name

notes !

dream as a football team captain rent free in my head... and i’m also sorry that it took me so long to write… its almost 3k words and not proofread!

taglist !

@wilczachannn

it was easy to assume that you had been in your brothers’ shadows. techno, wilbur and tommy were talented, football players with great, great achievements. the only thing you wanted was a big change in your life, so when you graduated from the middle school and it came up to making a big decision on choosing high school, you chose the dsmp high – school located an hour away from your house.

you remember your first day at school. the day started awfully. tommy woke you up with a loud yell at – as you rightly guessed – wilbur, who stole his phone and texted to his crush. it turned out that you had twenty minutes left to get ready and leave for bus and not be late. well... you were late on the bus, but thankfully your dad promised he’ll drop you off at school.

phil couldn’t be more proud of you. for real, he knew how hard it was for you to choose different school from techno, wilbur and tommy (everyone know he’ll go after his brothers). you were miserable through your whole middle school, because no one ever noticed you as your own person, only as wilbur’s twin sister, techno’s younger sibling or the only sister of tommy. it cause you to slowly losing yourself and becoming a female version of your brothers. so when you spoke to him about the idea of the dsmp high, he couldn’t get happier.

fortunately, dad dropped you off fifteen minutes before your first period started. wandering around the new school, looking for people you had classes with. you looked at your phone and accidentally bumped into a tall, dirty blonde guy with painted nails and purple sweater.

“oh no- i’m so sorry!” he spoke kind of afraid he might hurt you. “you alright?” a worried ask left his mouth as he put a hand on your shoulder.

it turned out that his name is karl and you took same classes as him. well in fact the boy seemed to be pretty nice, chill and funny. you two were on your way to the biology class and jokes were in the air. you felt so delightful that you messaged wilbur and techno a small text saying you just made your first friend. as no one responded you hid your phone.

“don’t worry, bestie.” he beamed at you. “i’ll meet you with my other friends, if that’s okay. they’ll love you and you won’t have to worry about making ones!” karl whispered into your ear and you couldn’t hide a soft smile that formed on your face.

as he said, he did. it was your lunch pause so he led you to the cafeteria. the idea of sitting at the table with people you didn’t know was.. terrifying but at the same time, so exiting. you felt like your heart skipped a beat when a guy called dream showed up with his best friends george and sapnp.

he was so handsome that you couldn’t take your eyes off him. looking at him was just so pleasing that you were kinda mad that he was karl’s friend so you couldn’t really sigh over him. surprisingly, he turned out to be a nice guy as well. you expected dream to be a completely jerk and an arsehole, but well you started to feel like you’d fall for him.

well… you were right. you fell for clay so deeply that just being around him was… stressing you out. he always cared about you, through your whole freshman year he was so cute and it was hard not to fall.

sophomore year started in a very… unexpected way. you hadn’t seen your friends in weeks, because you have lived so far away, but it didn’t make your brand new friends group to fall apart. you wouldn’t be so surprised if they organized a meet after classes but… well it was a meet, but only with clay. in a shortcut – he took you on a date.

“i missed you so much, y/n/n” he smiled as he shyly took your hand and intertwined your fingers with his. a small, timid smile formed on your blushed face. “fuck… i like you, i have a huge ass crush on you, okay? i-i just don’t wanna mess up our friendship… so please tell me if you don’t feel same” clay spoke with shaking voice, not giving you a sight.

maybe it was the adrenaline that boosted you up, or your inner self just wanted to do it, but as his confession ended, your lips gentlt pressed his. clay was… well shocked is a good word, clay was shocked, but he pulled you in even closer and that’s how you ended up making out in the park.

you were thrilled to the gills and you almost told your brothers about clay. almost, because you heard techno’s talking about a match against the dsmp high. well it wouldn’t be such a big thing if you hadn’t heard dream, and well oh well. words weren’t too nice.

“hi… are you free?” you said softly, sitting on your bed. you were frightened – what if they don’t like each other? what if… wilbur and tommy also don’t like him? “you know techno, right? technoblade minecraft?” a quiet ask left your mouth as you sat under the tree in your yard.

“yes, unfortunately.” his response made you thought that you had annoyed him. “wait, why you’re asking? did he hurt you or something?” dream didn’t let you answer as he added i’m gon’ kill him under his breathe.

“noo, don’t worry” you clutched your head and sighed. “he’s… my brother, older brother, actually”. silence between you two were clearly killing you, but you couldn’t be one to break it. he had to say something.

“oh my fuck” you heard his shocked voice and chuckled in response. “it doesn’t matter. you’re the one i fell in love with, not he. i know you’re worried, but everything will be alright.”.

“i hope so” his laughter calmed you. “i’ll call you later so we can fall asleep on call okay? dinner’s ready”.

”it’s kinda forbidden love, isn’t it?” george laughed as he wrapped his arm around you with a cute smile. brown haired boy was waiting along with you at your whole friends’ group. “y’know… techno is your brother and also a rival of your boyfriend… it’s exciting”.

you almost gasped at his words. it felt so silly and people would probably find it meaningless, but you couldn’t hide a smile that appeared on your face. he didn’t say techno’s sister like everyone from the middle school would say, george said that he’s your brother.

“as long as i love her, nothing else really matters to me” clay’s voice was so sweet that you almost melted under it. he was right, there’s no reason to overthink – you love him and it’s the only thing that matters.

“yeah, you should definitely tell him that at the match on saturday.” oh my fucking god, a match. the elimination match between the dsmp high and the lmanburg high. you were completely between a rock and a hard place.

“fuck, i forgot about it.” wrapping his arms around your body, dream felt how stressed you began to get. he also felt when your body unwittingly started to shake. “he’ll hate me, so will wilbur and tommy.”

“aren’t they already hating you? like- you barely talk to them at home, so… what’s the problem?” sapnap asked shrugging. well, he was right – techno lost his interest in talking to you and unfortunately wilbur and tommy took their cue from him, and the only person you had talked to was your dad.

“you’re coming to our match, right?” karl asked with a nervous smile forming on his face. it was his first match ever on the team – you couldn’t not be there. “it doesn’t who will you cheer for, just be there, okay?”

“karl, of course i will be there” you smiled at him, trying to hide your increasing stress that almost made you pass out. “please win this, okay? it’d be too hard to look at your miserable faces.”

tommy had always been your favorite of them all. as a child he wouldn’t let you go and sometimes it was obviously burdensome, but you loved it. you loved how he cared and now you missed it. he wanted, but he couldn’t talk to you, techno and wilbur would be pissed if he did.

he wondered about telling you how well he made friends in high school along with tubbo. about all of the funny jokes he made. he just wanted to be a teenager that shares cool memories with his older sister, but for now his brothers were too proud to apologize.

“wil, are you sure we should do that?” he asked, uneasiness appearing on his pale face. he genuinely missed his big sister that always helped him with his homework, with choosing cool outfits to impress girls, helped him, when he argued with tubbo. “she looks so miserable. even dad is worried!”

“we have nothing to do with her miserableness. she left us first. now, she can go and fuck herself” wilbur had never acted lke that before, so surprised tommy just frowned at him and shook his head in hopelessness. something was off and he would like to know what. to repair it.

his stomach rambled and it was time for a snack. tommy was about to came in, but he heard a bit of a conversation between philza and his only daughter.

“yeah, they do kinda hate me” she shrugged, not letting her tears fall. “uhm… clay proposed that i could stay at his. you know, dad. until… they start talking to me again.” long sigh left her mouth as she clutched her head in hands, right before he noticed tears. tommy couldn’t do more, so he got back to his room not letting anyone in later that evening.

it’d be a lie if someone said that tommy wasn’t stressed out. his first game was in a few minutes and his sister was nowhere to be found. “she has better things to do, i disappointed her - i shouldn’t be so shocked.”

when he saw her, he felt relieved. she was there to support him in his first game in high school ever, but as he watched her, slowly drifting away, looking for someone different in the crowd of people, he was hurt.

“i can’t believe you really choose to avoid the affection from dream for today, because your brothers are here. you should fuck them three” sapnap laughed, looking over your shoulder at tommy. “two. he looks hurt as well as you.” you know he was, but he didn’t do anything because the pressure techno and wilbur put on him, was killing him inside.

“y/n you came!” karl cried out, running towards you and sapnap. he hugged you tight and smiled softly, giggling noiselessly. “did y/n’s brothers saw it? i was literally her ride.”

“excuse me, you did that on purpose?” george laughed, shaking his head in disbelief. you joined him, but you stopped when you saw tommy’s upset, frightened face. it wasn’t only karl’s first game – it was tommy’s as well.

“i gotta talk to him” you sighed exhausted of the whole drama around you and your brothers. or just around you, wilbur and techno. your little brother had nothing to do with it. “tommy, hi” you started a bit nervous, feeling the tension betweet you two. and firstly, you thought he will just go away, but you gasped as he hugged you tight.

“i missed you so much” he whispered so anyone could hear but you. soft smile showed up on his face, making it way more brighter. “thanks for coming here, i know it’s rought between you and wil. he’s kinda mad but everything will be fine, i know that.” you wrapped arms around his torso and smiled widely.

“you’ve got this, okay tommy?” you brushed his hair. in response you got a growl and loud laugh after. “if you win or if you lose, it doesn’t matter, because i will still love you, but i’ve gotta go back to my friends.” you beamed and left tommy as soon as you saw wilbur storming towards you.

me: can’t wait to see you on the field :)

you felt like melting, when dream looked at you with his happy, excited face. you were so proud of him – he was the captain of the school football team and it was known that he has a sport scholarship. despite your brothers’ presence, you planned to show clay some support and you painted a medium #21 on your black, denim jacket.

clay: can’t wait to see you on my bed, right next to the trophy i’ll get as a captain.

he hadn’t lie. you sat on his messy bed, in his messy bedroom, talking to his younger sister drista. she was adorably bewitching. she was a bit younger than tommy, but thankfully she wasn’t as loud as him. you laughed after hearing her awful joke.

“so… you’re living here by now?” she asked curiously, frowning. her eyes scanning your, now, blushed face, waiting on the answer. “please, i cannot stand his my-girlfriend-lives-so-far-and-i-can’t-sneak-into-her-room-and-kiss.” she rolled her eyes, but smile widely.

“oh, yeah.” you blushed even harder as she laughed at your already blushed face. “i’m just worried if he’s okay with us hiding, you know? i mean– he could be with someone else, someone… someone better.”

drista didn’t know what to say and you knew she didn’t have to. you were scared – because of your situation that had place in middle school – he will just leave your for someone better, someone prettier, smarter, cuter.

unfortunately for you, clay had heard your every single word. he coughed, letting drista know that she should go. girl smiled at you before leaving you two alone. him, standing in front of you with only his sweatpants on. “y/n” he started as he got closer.

“i- i- can not tell i know how you feel or how you should feel. and-and i genuinely do not care about anyone else but you. i love you, okay dumbass?” he sat as close as possible and beamed softly.

“you won’t replace me?” the whole thing between you and clay was terrifying you so much. is he lying about his feelings? is he really in love with you? or maybe you’re just a bet? you almost shook your head as the thoughts began to overwhelm you.

he wouldn’t do that. and if he would, some of his friends (yours as well) would kill him. you couldn’t be more happier at the moment. your boyfriend had just told you that he loves you for the very first time, you made amazing friends that would kill for you and vice versa, but there was one thing you had to fix. the relationship with techno and wilbur.

“i could never replace you, love”.

“you sure you wanna do it?” clay asked, gently rubbing your thigh with his thumb, sitting in the front seat of his car. you were about to tell your whole family that clay dream is your boyfriend. the guy your older brother claimed to hate. lots of fun, right?

you nodded unsure, getting out of the car. it was your first time seeing your brothers in over a month and – boy, oh boy – you were terrified. did they miss you? did they even notice you were gone? you wished they did. you weren’t even able to ring the doorbell, because tommy opened the door with a huge grin.

“i’ve been waiting for you.” he confessed, closing you in a tight hug. he let you off as soon as he noticed smiled dream standing right behind you. “and who are you, mister?” suspicious question left tommy’s mouth.

“i’m y/n’s boyfriend, clay” dream beamed at tommy as he let you in. shock finding their way onto his face was… quite hilarious. he mumbled something under his breathe, but you couldn’t catch it.

as soon as you got onto the dining room, you saw wilbur, techno and dad setting the table. tommy coughed, couldn’t hide his happiness. his sister is back and he can’t let her go ever again.

“hi…” you started, your voice getting shaky. “i wanted to explain some things and it’d be a pleasure if you would accept my new boyfriend, especially technoblade.” dream took your sweaty with nervousness hand to calm you. he knew it was tough for you, knowing that him and techno are rivals. “this is clay and i know you know him, and you’re not on the good terms, but please just… finally talk to me, because i miss both of you and i’d love to have either my brothers and boyfriend close as possible.” you finished glancing at techno and wilbur.

“y/n, i’m just sad you didn’t want to go to same school with me. you had never told me why, we were inseparable and everything changed within days.” wilbur was first to answer you. his dejected voice made you crying. you missed him, his voice, his advices, his presence around you. “everytime i woke up, you were already running on the bus and we didn’t have a chance to talk.”

“i- you- you’re right. i should’ve told you why did i choose the dsmp high. i did, because i began to lose myself, everyone saw me only as your sister and i started to think that i do not matter anymore. i had to change it and i had to show everyone that i’m not just yours and techno’s sister, but i’m my own persona.” wil stood up and got closer to you. your tears convinced him that you weren’t lying and he felt bad that he didn’t realize it sooner. “i’m so sorry”.

“no- no, i’m also sorry. i’m the one that should apologizing. you were just choosing your own path and i was mad at you, because of that. ‘m sorry y/n/n.” you smiled through tears and hugged him as tight as you only could.

“there’s no much drama between us” techno chuckled quietly, watching you and wilbur cuddling. “i already knew what’s going on between you two at the match. i just took wil’s side.” he shrugged and you laughed, shaking your head in disbelief. “well, it doesn’t mean i like you” he claimed glaring at your boyfriend. “i can tolerate you as long as you’ll treat y/n the best you can, otherwise i’ll kill you”.

“i agree and so does tommy” your twin added, looking dream dead in the eyes.

“maybe we’ll stop the death threats here and start eating?” your dad proposed with a cheerful smile. his kids were finally getting along again, he couldn’t be more proud or happier than at the moment.

“it went so well” you whispered delighted. you were snuggling with dream on your bed, some time after the dinner ended. phil suggested that he could stay for the night, so they can get to know him better.

tommy was thrilled to the bones about the fact that now, he has a new friend, older than him, and also a captain of the football team, so he could teach him how to play better. wil was… well wil. he made sure that dream didn’t have any wrong intentions and techno just couldn’t care less if you were happy with him. he even suggested that they should bury the hatchet and move on.

“i haven’t said that to anyone yet, but i love you” you said, almost skipping a bit when he held your head and gently kissed you.

“well, you already know that i’m head over heels in love with you. and it won’t ever change” he said and kissed you one more time.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 324: Is There a Force Field Around Him??

Previously on BnHA: Flashback!Rat Principal was all “please tell Midoriya that I spent a concerningly small amount of money upgrading U.A. into a wacky physics-defying funtime grid so as to make the final battle much more confusing for everyone.” Present Day!Mic (or Present!Mic, if you will) and Jeanist were all “if only somebody could deescalate this dangerously unhinged mob, we’ve tried nothing and we’re all out of ideas.” Ochako was all “LISTEN UP PEOPLE.” The mob was all, “god??” Ochako was all, “NO, IT’S ME, OCHAKO. I’M REALLY HIGH UP ON THIS BUILDING AND THE VISIBILITY IS LOW DUE TO THE RAIN, SO I CAN SEE HOW YOU MIGHT MAKE THAT MISTAKE. ANYWAYS, DEKU WAS OUT THERE RISKING HIS LIFE FOR YOU CLOWNS EVEN THOUGH HE’S JUST A KID, SO I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE IF YOU COULD ALL REMEMBER HOW TO BE DECENT HUMAN BEINGS, THANKS.” Let’s see if her Big Scolding Energy has any impact.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi is all “so I have this speech planned out, and it’s really good, but it also only really needs about 6 to 8 pages, but I’m gonna see if I can stretch it out to 17 pages so I can kill time before we get to the next volume cliffhanger two weeks from now.” Anyway but it really is a good speech though. There are feels, and tears, and more talk about how Deku is so in need of a shower that just looking at him requires a tetanus booster, and more feels, and more tears, and bonus ship drama, and an iconic callback to the very first chapter which reframes the entire series in a new context in a totally epic and moving way, and it’s all very good. Except that Horikoshi is determined to never let anyone actually give this kid a hug. Who hurt you, dude.

omg we are opening on a callback to chapter 212, a.k.a. the chapter with by far the cutest flashback that doesn’t involve any baby Todorokis

baby Ochako is lethally cute. she could literally murder someone with her cuteness. I just want to scoop her up and play airplane with her until she accidentally activates her quirk while we’re spinning around and we both helicopter up into the air never to be seen again

“a child’s insistence” huh well that’s all well and good, but I sure hope this doesn’t mean we’re going to drag out the whole “sternly lecture the obnoxious citizens” plot for another whole chapter. no offense but I think we’re good

so page 2 is just continuing the whole happy/worried faces monologue, which of course is very important to Ochako’s character as it provides the context for why “who protects the heroes” ended up becoming her thing. and this is making me think we actually are in for a whole second chapter of this sob. when will my boy finally get to rest

OH MY GOD SUDDENLY THESE PEOPLE HAVE EYES IMAGINE THAT

HORIKOSHI: [reaches for a box of tissues while tearfully penning an homage to his beloved Spider-Man 2, specifically the train scene where the crowd sees Peter without his mask and they suddenly realize just how young he is]

HORIKOSHI’S HOMAGE SCENE: “COME TO THINK OF IT, I GUESS IT WAS KIND OF MEAN FOR US TO PICK ON THIS TEN YEAR OLD KID WHO WEIGHS 75 POUNDS AND LOOKS LIKE HE LOST A FIGHT WITH SATAN’S MOLDY OLD BASEMENT”

lol at this one guy who can feel the mood of the crowd shifting and is all “WAIT, NO, I WANTED TO KEEP BEING AN ASSHOLE DAMMIT”

as many pointed out last week, this man is wearing an All Might shirt. that’s some fantastic irony there

-- SDKFJWIGKS

“LITTLE GIRL, I HOPE YOU’RE NOT SUGGESTING THAT WE SHOULD ALL BE WALKING AROUND DRESSED LIKE A SOVIET-ERA BUS STOP.” heh. last week I said I was ashamed of BnHA being my favorite manga. that was a lie, actually

(ETA: in the original Japanese Ochako’s next two lines are basically “the only ones covered in mud will be us heroes!” followed by “please give us some time to get rid of the mud”, with that second line basically being the single funniest thing I’ve ever read rdslkjl. Ochako thank you so much for supporting my running gags. “YEAH WE KNOW HE’S DIRTY. WE ARE GONNA TRY AND CLEAN HIM UP, BUT IT MAY TAKE A WHILE, I’M JUST SAYING. I MEAN LOOK AT HIM. HE LOOKS LIKE AN ASBESTOS COSPLAY.”)

doesn’t the megaphone kind of look ever so slightly like an axe that she’s wielding maniacally here

easy there Lizzie Borden

also that’s a really bold claim to make there. and not one she necessarily should have to make, either. but as we all know, there’s nothing that shounen manga likes more than having its heroes bravely hoist heavy burdens of responsibility like good self-sacrificing citizens

p.s. lowkey loving how Kacchan is positioned here standing slightly behind Deku. not presuming to stand in front of him all overprotectively (because he would hate if anyone ever did that to him), and kind of being unobtrusive and letting others take center stage -- but still being close enough to Deku that he can catch him if he stumbles or passes out again

(ETA: or maybe not lmao.

DEKU: [falls to his knees]

KACCHAN: [glancing up from his phone a few minutes later] “someone just sent me the stupidest meme about milk crates -- oh. uh. you good...?”

really, son. “the burdens you can’t carry, we’ll carry them for you. ...later, I mean. right now it’s late, and we’re all cold and wet.”)

also lowkey loving this OchaTsu moment here

I was going back and binging Ochako chapters this past week for reasons, and I gotta say it really stuck out to me just how often these two are paired with each other. they do everything together. it’s a really sweet friendship that often goes unappreciated but it’s very cute

meanwhile, not to be outdone by the OchaTsu, Iida is staring at Ochako with open admiration talking about how she’s fighting too. it’s been so long since we’ve had any IidaRaka you guys. I was starving and I didn’t even know it

oh my lord IT’S FINALLY HAPPENING

THE LIGHT IS BACK. he finally looks like him again. what a cathartic fucking moment omg

ffklkdw

“I KNOW YOU ARE ALL SCARED, BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS, WE DEFINITELY CANNOT GUARANTEE YOUR SAFETY AND WE ARE ALL SCARED TOO!” good pep talk there kiddo

BUT, jokes aside, truth be told this is the exact right approach to take imo, and something that’s long overdue. I’ve said this before, but this new generation of heroes is shaping up to be much more transparent than the All Might generation. they’re basically abandoning the almighty, untouchable Superman “heroes as gods” concept in favor of the more nuanced “heroes as people” concept instead. and that’s a good thing. seeing their heroes as humans, with human limitations and weaknesses and flaws, will hopefully not only lead to more scrutiny and accountability, but also more awareness of how hard some of them are working and how much they’re sacrificing. that’s something All Might never quite grasped back at the start of the series -- that the weak, vulnerable, injured him could be just as inspiring as the mighty, invincible him -- perhaps even more so. there’s a power in seeing otherwise ordinary people show extraordinary bravery and compassion. it inspires others to try and do the same

SSDLHK AIZAWA SIGHTING AAHHHHHH

so he was still back at the hospital this whole time?? smdh at this disrespect. that feeling when your sexy self-insert character’s powers of rationality are too strong, and so you have to nerf him so that he doesn’t ruin your Deku Angst arc twice over by (1) immediately talking some sense into Deku and making him come home Right This Instant Young Man, and (2) not allowing him to leave U.A. in the first fucking place. excuse me, you want to do WHAT now, Midoriya?? that’s it, go to your room

also living for Katsuki and Hawks’s soft expressions. Shouto’s too, although his is tinier and harder to see. and Jeanist’s 12-foot-long neck. imagine Jeanist’s head with Mic’s hair. maybe Jeanist had a mohawk back in the day and that’s why U.A.’s doors are so big now

speaking of soft faces, Enji’s is also excellent

what could this random close-up possibly imply?? hell if I know. but Horikoshi truly fears no discourse and that’s what I love about him

OMGGGG

“smh my child is so dumb.” poor Ochadad. your child is cute af count your blessings

SDOFFHSMH

I’m telling you guys. lethally, catastrophically cute

this speech is still ongoing lol. Horikoshi you’re doing so good but I think we get the point now my dude. you gotta learn how to transition out of these things

UNEXPECTED TOGA WHAT

“there we go” Horikoshi says, crossing off the last line on his list of Ochako ships. “that’s all of ‘em”

poor Ochako is just repeating the same “LET HIM REST, PLEASE, WITH EVERYONE’S COOPERATION, IF YOU DON’T MIND, WE APPRECIATE IT” talking points over and over again hoping someone will throw her a bone and acknowledge her already. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP HER

literally they’re all just staring up at her silently omg. work with me people!!

now she’s saying it for the 56th time but more dramatically all of a sudden

they got so dramatic that for a minute I thought she had suddenly leaped off the building or something

look, not to rush you or anything Horikoshi, but I’m starting to get the feeling that this is yet another one of those “the volume is ending soon so I need to either hurry things up or slow things down in order to make sure we end it on my perfect cliffhanger ending” chapters where you go to ridiculous lengths to drag things out much to the exasperation of your week-to-week readers

(ETA: ftr, volume 31 ended on chapter 306, and I’m predicting that vol. 32 will end with chapter 316 (a.k.a. “you’re next!” [explodes]). I’m guessing vol. 33 will follow suit and likely end on chapter 326, so keep your eyes peeled for a big cliffhanger in two weeks’ time. Deku’s dad?? All Might in peril?? U.A. traitor at long fucking last?? we shall see.)

is Deku straight up falling in love with Ochako right on the spot lol what is happening

I know I just said that I enjoy when Horikoshi gives zero fucks about discourse, but shipping discourse is a whole different beast lol. I hope he’s prepared

(ETA: and for the record, I have no interest in shipping discourse either, as always. and I think this scene can be interpreted as platonic, tbh, with the context being that Ochako was literally introduced as someone who was willing to help him so casually without a second thought, and now here she is saving him again.

I don’t think it really fully hit Deku until this moment how much he needed saving. like I said in another meta somewhere, selflessness is basically just selfishness on behalf of others. and Deku is selfless to a fault, but that’s okay, and it doesn’t mean he needs to change -- he just needs friends who are willing to be be selfish on his behalf in turn. and I think the full emotion of what it means to have friends like that just hit him at last. everything his friends have done for him, how much he needed it and didn’t even realize, and how grateful he is. anyways what a terrible day for rain.)

-- son of a --

is he apologizing?? or pleading?? please tell me that’s not the case, because what the actual fuck. Deku you beautiful precious radiant selfless child, this is the exact opposite of how this should be. all these motherfuckers should be on their knees apologizing to you

DEKU WHY

I DIDN’T ASK FOR THIS FREAKING BOMBARDMENT OF EMOTIONS GODDAMIT. OUT HERE ARMED WITH YOUR FREAKING TREBUCHET OF FEELS TO LAUNCH AT ME UNPROVOKED. WHAT’S WITH THAT

FREAKING CHRIST. THIS BOY IS CRYING HIS EYES OUT AND HORIKOSHI IS JUST ZOOMING IN WITH THE CAMERA, LIKE CAN WE JUST CUT HIM A BREAK ALREADY. ENOUGH OF THIS. HE’S SO YOUNG AND HE TRIES SO HARD AND I JUST NEED HIM TO FEEL SAFE, HORIKOSHI PLEASE CAN YOU JUST GIVE ME THAT ALREADY WHAT IS THE FREAKING HOLD UP!!

GIGANTIC FOX LADY!!!

GIGANTIC FOX LADY PLEASE BE MY HUGGER BY PROXY!! SERIOUSLY GIRL IF YOU JUST HOLD YOUR UMBRELLA OVER HIM OR SOMETHING AND DON’T GO THE EXTRA MILE I’M ABOUT TO LODGE AN OFFICIAL COMPLAINT. THIS IS GETTING RIDICULOUS NOW

!!!!

A KOUTA IS GOOD TOO!!! oh my god if Kouta hugs him I will seriously 100% straight up cry. go on and test me

FOR THE LOVE OF --

is this man expressly forbidden from drawing hugs in his contract or something. DO YOU DO IT JUST TO SPITE ME?? this is tyranny, sir

AND I KNOW, THIS PAGE ACTUALLY CHALLENGED THE VERY PREMISE OF THE SERIES ITSELF, AND HERE I AM COMPLAINING ABOUT HUGS, OR THE LACK THEREOF. “this is the story of how we all became the greatest heroes.” and just like that, he waves a polite middle finger at all of the Strongest Greatest Chosen One shounen protags of old, in favor of something much less conventional, much more interesting, and much more suited to Deku’s character. because if that one sentence doesn’t just sum up Deku to a T. he gladly relinquishes his Greatest Hero status in favor of acknowledging the hero in everyone. what a class act. that’s my protagonist

I love this kid so fucking much I swear. only just PLEASE. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. GIVE HIM HIS HUG

[boldlyvoid]

ain't it fun?

summary: reader just needs an NA meeting before they have a meltdown, they end up with the best friend they could ever make.

warnings: Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Drug Addiction, Trauma Bonding, narcotics anonymous meetings, Strangers to Lovers, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, meet-cute,

word count: 3.3K

a/n: this is completely self-indulgent and overly personal but i def recommend writing why spencer would love you as a form of therapy

read on ao3

In the blink of an eye, she was up and racing around her apartment. Her mental health was like a teeter-totter, and right now she was on her way to the top. Mania was creeping in; changing from just anxiety-induced butterflied to the feeling that she could jump off a building and survive.

That was never a good time. All she wanted was to either spend all her money, fuck a stranger or get high as shit. It made her legs jumpy and her ears ring and she couldn’t take it anymore. It was all too much.

She threw on a sweater and jeans, her hair was up in a butterfly clip and she hastily threw on her fanny pack full of everything she needed as well as a big coat, and she then left her apartment. She got to the stairs before realizing she actually needed to lock the door.

Her hands shook and she tried to slide the key into the lock, dropping them as her neighbour rushed out of the room and startled her. “Sorry,” she heard him say.

She picked up her keys and turned to look at him, “can you help me? I can’t seem to stop shaking,” she asked as she held her keys towards him.

“yes, sure,” he rushed the words out as he walked towards her, only looking at the keys, never in her eyes. But that was okay, she was never a big fan of eye contact.

He placed her keys back in her hand and took a step back, “are you alright?” he asked.

“No,” she said honestly. “I’m going to find an NA meeting.”

“Do you have one in the area? I haven’t seen you around before?”

She shook her head, surprised that he was also an addict, he didn’t look like he’s ever even smoked weed.

“No, I moved in only a little while ago on a whim, but I think it’s time I got some support,” she said as they started to walk down the hallway together. “I’m Y/N, by the way.”

“Spencer,” he smiled softly. “I’m going to a meeting right now, actually, if you’d like to come? I won’t exactly be anonymous to you, but it’s a good one to go to if you just need one to fill the void until you find your preferred group.”

“Yes, that’s exactly what I need.” She smiled at him this time as he held the door open for her. “So, have you lived around here for long?”

“For about a few years now.”

“The building is good then? I was a little hesitant but I needed to get away,” she said, this time holding the door for them to leave the building and turn down the street towards where she knew the subway was.

The moon should be out, she looked up but only sees buildings. It was the one thing she missed the most about not being in the country; seeing the stars and feeling like there was a reason to it all.

“Are you running from someone?” He asks as they start the walk down to the meeting.

“Myself,” she said softly. “I’m on disability and don’t drive and I lived in the middle of nowhere with my parents, well into my 20’s, and I needed a change so my parents surprised me by saving up money for a few month's rent and told me to follow my heart.”

“And you picked Virginia?”

“I stayed in Virginia, just moved into the city. I watch a lot of murder documentaries in my free time, I thought being near Quantico would introduce me to some interesting people, but I have yet to meet anyone from the FBI at all.”

She laughed to herself at how dumb it was that she wanted to meet a profiler like Holden Ford from Mindhunter, “either they are all very good at keeping their jobs secret or Virginia is a very large and densely populated area with a low percentage of FBI agents.”

“Interesting.”

“What?”

“How long have you lived here?” he asked, slowing as he walked so he could look at her.

“2 months.”

“It took you two months to meet the FBI agent across the hall from you.”

“You’re kidding?” she said, stopping on the sidewalk abruptly. “I knew that apartment was calling me for a reason.”

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but, are you really just coincidentally my neighbour or are you secretly spying on me because you have an evil plan to kill me and my co-workers?” he's completely serious, it's almost scary.

“No offence, Spence, but for a supposed FBI agent that’s a dumb question to ask,” she said, pointing finger guns at him, “you don’t think I’ll give up my cover that easily? Do you?”

He points a finger gun back at her, “technically, I’m a doctor.”

The two of them narrow their eyes at each other, slowly walking in a circle, still facing each other with their make-believe guns trying to hold back smirks. She lowered her ‘weapon’ first. “It’s okay, doctor, don’t worry. I’m not a spy just an idiot with an imagination.”

He giggled softly, “I’ve never felt this comfortable with someone this fast.”

“Well, you are with criminals a lot, right? That would be alarming if you bonded with them,” she said, bumping her shoulder into his as they walked. “But I feel the same. I actually haven’t talked to someone in person in forever.”

“No?”

“I do most of my work and socializing online,” She felt embarrassed, but in today’s day and age, it wasn’t that weird. “I’m not very good outside or with people.”

“If it wasn’t for my job, I don’t think I would go outside very often either. My co-workers are my only friends, they’re more like my family actually.”

“That’s so wonderful to hear, found family is very important,” her smile disappeared as she thought about how alone she was. “Um, can I ask what it is you do at the FBI?”

“Behavioural Analysis.”

“Holy shit," she gasps, knowing way too much about that unit thanks to fucking Netflix, "that’s what the BSU became right? Do you work with the really fucked up shit?” she asked softly.

He laughed, “oh yeah, I really do.”

“Do you share a lot at NA?”

“Kinda, I tend to ramble about facts when I’m nervous so sometimes my short talk becomes more like a ted talk and what was supposed to be just me saying I haven’t relapsed on Dilaudid becomes a lesson on how the human brain works,” he explained, rambling just like he said he would.

She nodded along as he spoke, “funny, that was also my drug of choice.”

“Liquid or oral?”

“Oral. I was given it after I had my appendix out when I was 17. They get you started real young now, big pharma has its hand in everyone's pocket,” she presses her lips together awkwardly, “it was rough.”

He hummed in agreement. “I was held captive by an unsub with multiple personalities. One personality drugged me till I died and the other one brought me back.”

“Spencer, Holy fuck?” she stopped and stared at him so incredibly concerned for someone who just met him. She reached out and grabbed him by the shoulder and looked him in the eyes, “I know I barely know you, but if you need someone to talk I’m literally always across the hall.”

“Thank you,” he smiled softly as he looked back into her eyes. “The meeting is right there across the street, do you want a coffee first? The place beside it is amazing.”

She nodded and he took her hand, looking both ways before J-walking across the street with her to buy her a coffee and a snack. Maybe that would help her stop shaking, he looked like he worried about her and she wasn't used to that at all.

He didn’t talk at this meeting, he sat in the chair beside the group leader, she sat down across from him in the circle so she could focus. When the floor was opened up to new members, Y/N stood at the first chance she got.

“Hi I’m Y/N,” she said, to which she was welcomed by the crowd.

“I’m new to the city and looking for a new home group, not sure if I’ll stay here because I know Spencer outside of here but I really just needed to come today.”

She takes a deep breath as she thinks of how to start it, opting to just explain it and let the rant go where it may.

“I’ve never lived alone before and it’s incredibly hard to occupy my time without drugs. I still smoke weed to help me sleep at night but my addiction is with Dilaudid and then Benadryl a little after having surgery in high school. I don’t know if it’s my trauma, my disability or my Autism, maybe it’s my OCD, I really don’t know, but I just feel so useless and alone and boring and lonely, the drugs used to help but they don’t anymore and I really just don’t want to feel this way anymore.”

They all looked like they understood, small smiles grew all around the circle as she took a lookout at the crowd, “Thank you for letting me get that out.”

Everyone clapped as she sat back down and wiped a tear off her cheek.

The meeting ended shortly after that, Spencer walked from his seat in the circle to where she was sitting, reaching a hand out to help her to her feet. “For the record, I think you’re funny, smart, kind and pretty. And you don’t have to be alone anymore if you don’t want to be.”

She slapped her hand into his and stood up with purpose, “Did we just become best friends?”

“I believe we did.”

The walk home was much like the walk there. They traded facts, they flirted, they laughed, she pushed him into a pole at one point, by accident as they laughed. The two of them stopping to sit at a bus bench, laughing so hard she felt like she would pee her pants right then and there.

By the time they were back on their floor, it was well after midnight. “I don’t think I’ll be able to go back to meetings with you.”

“Oh, why?” he looked disappointed.

“Isn’t rule 13 that you’re not supposed to want to sleep with your group members when you’re healing?”

“Wanting to and doing it are two very different things,” he corrected her as he waited at his own door.

She smirked, “you’re right. Still don’t think I can go back with you, however.”

“I’ll probably have a case tomorrow, they normally take me out of town for at least a week, but when I get back, can I see you?” he asked lightly.

“Knock on my door when you get back,” she said before standing on her tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek. “See you.”

“Bye.”

They waved from their doors before departing, excited by something that felt better than drugs.

—

120 hours later there was a light knock at her door, she knows exactly how long it’s been because she’s been counting and looking out the door at every noise for the whole time he’s been gone. Waiting for him like a wife whose husband went off to war, not knowing when their next correspondence would be.

“Coming,” she called, stopping to fluff her hair and straighten her glasses before she opened the door.

“Spencer!”

“Hi,” he said softly.

She took a moment to look him over, a little in shock at what she saw. He was in a plain t-shirt and track pants, he had not one, but two black eyes, bandages on his brow bone and scrapes all along his arms.

“Are you okay?”

“You should see the other guy,” he giggled softly, rolling his eyes.

“Come in, let’s sit you down.” She worried, taking him by the elbow and helping him inside.

“I’m fine, really, I’m used to this.”

“Well I’m not,” she reminded him with a nervous pout, “am I allowed to ask about it or is it classified stuff?”

He sat on the couch and patted a seat beside himself so she would join him. He rested his arm against the back of the chair so that she could slide in beside him.

“Did you hear about the child abduction in Tampa?”

“Yeah? The two boys?”

“I was trying to talk the unsub down and he dropped the gun but he grabbed me as I turned him around and punched me in the face and we fell into the ditch and I luckily managed to flip over him and get his hands behind his back and cuffed faster than I ever have before.”

“You’re amazing,” she whispered.

He laughed, “if I really was, I would have waited for backup before talking to the guy.”

“I’ve always wanted to help other people get justice but not being able to go to school makes it hard to get a job doing anything meaningful,” she whispered, ashamed of the fact she wasn’t successful like most people her age.

“Our technical analyst was hired because she was an amazing hacker, they will hire anyone who is valuable.” He shrugs and watches her face light up at the idea.

“You know what, we have meetings all this week unless there’s an emergency, if you want I can show you around the office?” he offered. “It’s not illegal for you to pass by what I’m working on and notice something I missed.”

“Spencer, I don’t even know your last name and you’re inviting me to your government job? When just last week you asked, not so jokingly, if I was a secret agent trying to kill you and that you’ve been kidnapped before?”

“Doctor Spencer Reid, and what can I say?” he said shyly, “I’m trying to find excuses to see you smile all the time.”

She placed her hand on his cheek, the tips of her fingers lightly resting on his purple and yellow bruised eyes. She leaned in slowly and kissed him on the lips, so gently as if she’s afraid he’ll break or turn into a frog… he was too good to be true.

“You can see me whenever you want, Doctor Spencer Reid…”

He kissed her again, letting his hands roam her back and she trailed her free hand down his chest. She pulled back slightly to throw a leg over him carefully and sit in his lap. Holding his face in her hands now, she peppered kisses over his bruised face.

She stopped to look at him, still holding his face in her hands as his hands now rested on her hips. “I really like you, Spencer.”

“Really?”

She looks at him carefully, analyzing his response and seeing the hurt that rested deep inside of him, “I take it you’re like me?”

“What does that mean?”

“You try to not get too involved with people because no one has ever shown you true genuine interest or love, and you never think you’ll find it anyway so you push away all small acts of kindness, thinking it’s friendly because then you can’t get your hope up, just to have that person drop them?” she explained herself in a whisper.

He nodded, “you get it.”

She kissed his lips again, and then over his cheek and up to his ear, “I do.”

He looked extra sad when she pulled away, she just held his face gently as she mirrored his puppy dog eyes. Communicating with their eyes, she knew he was okay and he didn’t want to talk about it anymore, so she smiled.

“Want to watch a movie?” She asks softly.

He nods, looking behind her to see she doesn’t have a tv in the living room. “How?”

“In my room, the TV is on my dresser if you don’t mind sitting in my bed?”

He shakes his head in a simple no, picking her up and taking her to her room. He knew where it was purely because her apartment was just his but backwards. She laughs, holding onto him tight as she rests her head on his shoulder.

He sets her down gently, watching her move up to the headboard and wait for him. They got under the blankets and she found the remote in the sheet before she cuddled into him.

“You’re really cuddly,” she complimented him as he wrapped an arm around her and held her close. He kissed the top of her head as a thank you.

“I think I’m going to end up falling in love with you, Spencer Reid,” she whispers the words, afraid of them more than his response.

“I beat you to it,” he whispers right back.

She shoots up, turning to look at him with surprise. “How?”

He looks at her like she grew two heads, “what do you mean how?”

“How did you fall in love with me? You don’t even know me?” She’s so confused, no one has ever loved her before and it’s a lot to take in.

“Y/N…” his face drops, his heart physically breaks in front of her. “I don’t know you, you're right. Not all of you, at least. I’m sure you have your hidden doors and locked cupboards but from the outside, I see you’re so beautiful, you’re radiant… your mind is lovely. You’re so kind, you’re so brave, you’re everything I wish I could be as charismatically as you are.”

She’s just swallowing over and over as she shakes her head and breathes through her nose, processing it. She’s breathing deeply then, staring off and she feels like she’s having a new kind of panic attack. A happier one, somehow?

“I don’t like myself, but if you like me I guess I must be pretty nice,” she smiles, accepting his praise and believing him. “Yeah. Thank you, Spencer.”

He smiles then, it’s cute and press-lipped and she swears he almost has dimples. His eyes are like honey and his lips are like roses. She leans in, kissing him and reaching a hand back to cup the nape of his neck.

He doesn’t know it, but he’s the first person she’s kissed in a few years. They’re soft, peck after peck as they hold each other softly, eyes open as they watch each other experience the happiness of finding someone good, finally.

“I uh, I wanted to tell you I’m almost exactly everything you described yourself as in the meeting,” he whispers against her lips, the air touching her skin gently as she absorbs the words.

“What part? My diagnosis or my self-hatred?” She smiles, okay with either really.

“Almost both, I’m pretty hard to be around.”

She shakes her head, “I invited you in for a movie, not a pity party. You can tell me everything you hate right now and then we should just share the good parts okay? Brag about yourself. Tell me what you’re proud of.”

She was really serious, keeping a stern look on her face as she spoke. He nodded, “I’m anxious all the time, I’m always worried because I’ve never had anyone to worry about me. I don’t know how to be a real person really, all I do is drink coffee and solve crimes and I barely sleep. And the only time I was relaxed and okay is when I was on drugs.”

She nodded, “it fucking sucks, doesn’t it? Like why did we get stuck like this, I don't care about peaking in high school but didn’t we deserve some kind of love and support? I’ve never understood if souls and shit are real, why did mine pick this terrible meat suit and awful traumatic path?”

She’s crying because she’s angry and because she’s never said it to anyone before. He cries because she understands. She truly knows.

“I love you,” he announces. “Just because of that.”

Taglist: @blanchardsbk @shemarmooresfedora @spencers-dria @spookyspence @reidsfish @manuosorioh @mochionly @samuel-de-champagne-problems @jswessie187 @k-k0129 @calm-and-doctor

[angstyaches]

Space

From 🍄 anon after I basically begged for angsty requests:

hello flick, if you want to write hunger with little to no comfort,,,,, consider this,,,, shayne,,,, not letting himself eat back when he still lived with madeline and watson,,, and not telling charlie,,, because he doesn’t want to worry him,,,,

This is closer to a whump fic than a hurt/comfort fic, so be warned. Also, just a reminder, these OCs are 19-20ish at the time. Shayne gets a little comfort, just not the right kind.

CW: emotional whump, disordered eating, low self-esteem, hunger with pain and affecting cognitive function, little/no comfort, psychological abuse.

___

He woke for what seemed like the fiftieth time that night, groaning as he took in the appearance of his room. He sluggishly rolled over, frowning in the direction of the little clock that sat on top of his set of drawers.

5:35am. An acceptable time to give up on sleep.

He sat up slowly, trying to gauge how much he could move without making himself dizzy. He rubbed his eyes, the stray ends of sleep disappearing and leaving a stabbing pain in the pit of his stomach. He pressed a hand over the pain, frowning when he felt his stomach rumble under his palm.

Maybe that’s what had been keeping him from sleeping.

Are you hungry, Shayne?

A shiver ripped up his spine. He stood up, shaking his head to chase out the phantom voice; he couldn’t deal with the Madelyn in his head, especially not while she was also in the house with him.

He tried to remember what he’d eaten recently. He’d been shaky after school yesterday, and he’d tried to eat a cup of instant noodles, but he’d only managed a few mouthfuls before starting to feel nauseous, and the cup had ended up in the bin along with most of its contents. Before that, he’d had a granola bar for breakfast, and before that –

No, wait, the granola bar hadn’t been yesterday. It’d been the day before that. It was definitely that week, for sure…

He swallowed, wondering if he should have breakfast today. It was always a gamble; he never knew when Watson or Madelyn would expect him to work, and it was always much messier and more painful when he had food in his system.

Not to mention that food always came with a side helping of judgment in this house.

He took his time getting ready, though there was little to relish about the morning. He crossed the dark hallway to the bathroom, took his usual lukewarm shower and brushed his teeth, towel-dried his hair, put on the grey-and-navy uniform that would keep him relatively invisible for most of the day.

In this house, though, it was impossible to stay invisible.

Madelyn was in the hallway as he made his way downstairs with his backpack. His stomach dropped, her gaze making the hairs on his forearms prickle. He quickly tugged his sleeves down from his elbows to hide the goosebumps that sprung up.

“Morning, Mads.”

“Good morning,” she snapped, eyeing him up and down as he stood, silent, on the last step, gripping the handrail. She had piercing amber eyes and dark, silky hair that fell to her waist when loose. That morning, she’d twisted it into an elaborate structure at the nape of her neck.

Shayne shrugged his backpack a little higher on his shoulder. “Do… Do you need me for anything?”

She scoffed at that, eyes turning away from him. “If it were possible to prove yourself useful this morning, don’t you think I would have already informed you?”

He nodded. “Sure. Sorry.”

“Could you tell me what time you’ll be home after school today?”

Shayne swallowed, only hesitating for a second. “Five o’clock. As soon as the bus gets in…”

“You have no… plans?”

He shook his head. There was no way he’d let Charlie rope him into hanging out at the Mulberry house, not while he was feeling so weak and drained. Even worse, he’d probably be offered dinner if he showed up there.

At just the vague thought of food, his stomach shifted and let off a low growl. He quickly crossed his arms, shuffling his feet and clearing his throat at the same time. With her heightened senses, Madelyn surely heard it, but she didn’t react beyond narrowing her glare.

“Nothing?” she asked. “We’ve seen so little of you recently.”

Shayne shook his head and cleared his throat again. “Do you need me for something then?”

“Full of questions this morning, hmm?” Madelyn shook her head and took a step towards the kitchen. “Just be home when you say you’re going to be home. Otherwise, you know… I’ll have to send Watson out to find you again.”

A chill rolled down Shayne’s back as he watched her step out of his way. It was vague, but it was a threat, not just to him, but to Charlie and his parents. He bit into his cheek, hot streaks of anger flashing through his head and tightening the muscles in his chest.

Madelyn raised her eyebrows. She didn’t quite gesture towards the front door, but it felt like an instruction to leave. He stormed past her and out the front door, letting it slam behind himself in what instantly felt like the pettiest form of rebellion ever.

He spun around and lifted both his middle fingers towards the door; Madelyn had several supernatural abilities, but seeing through doors wasn’t one of them.

“Fuck you,” he mouthed silently, with enough force that he might as well have screamed it. He took several steps backwards before he turned to face the road, proceeding like a zombie beneath the rain-dampened trees.

His hands felt funny. He lifted them slightly and frowned when he found he couldn’t hold them steady. He crossed his arms over his chest and held himself, taking gulps of air into his lungs to try to calm himself.

But even when he managed to tame the fiery, hateful anger, he was still shaking. The centre of his stomach ached as waves of hunger weaved back and forth inside of him. As the rusted sign for the bus stop came into view, its edges seemed to blur, and the road tipped to the side.

Shayne freed one hand from under his own arm and pressed it to his mouth, wondering for a second if he was going to be sick. Instead, it was just a shallow burp that rolled up, churning his stomach and making it growl violently.

“Mm. Fuck,” he whispered to himself. He glanced down the empty road, checking that the bus wasn’t arriving just yet. He held a hand over his stomach, pushing against it and rubbing harshly, hoping to coax the growls out before he was surrounded by other students. He realised he’d forgotten to fill his water bottle before leaving the house, so he couldn’t even get some liquid into his stomach to shut it up. He’d need to remember to go to the water fountain before his first class.

As the bus crested the hill, he shoved his hands in his pockets, staring down at the ground. He always wondered what he looked like to the students looking out the bus windows. He’d never figured out how to hold himself in a way that seemed natural.

The bus driver didn’t even bother to look at him, which was normal. Shayne glared at a first-year student who was staring at him while whispering something to his friend. He was used to hearing himself being talked about, but that didn’t mean he enjoyed it. He already hated that he took up physical space; he could barely stand the idea that he also took up residence in people’s minds.

He walked until he reached the seat where Charlie was sitting, staring down at some loose sheets covered in notes while wearing in-ear headphones. He looked up after a few seconds, breaking into an easy smile.

Fuck. That smile. It usually pissed him off so much that he would just look away whenever it popped up on Charlie’s face, but for some reason, Shayne found it hard not to stare this morning.

“You want to sit?” Charlie asked, pulling out his headphones.

Shayne swallowed, unable to bring himself to nod. Charlie’s backpack was in the seat next to him. It would need to be moved if he was going to sit down.

You take up so much fucking space –

Without even waiting for an answer, Charlie pulled the backpack towards himself, propping it on his lap.

The hollow space inside of Shayne throbbed, ached.

You're like a black hole.

"Go ahead," Charlie urged him, nodding to the free seat.

Shayne swayed a bit, though he could pass it off as though the motion of the bus had caused it. He held in a groan and sat down next to Charlie. He shoved his backpack down between his feet. He was tempted to just let his head rest against the back of the seat in front of him. The bus had only been in motion for a few minutes, but he was already light-headed again.

A flutter of panic hit his chest as he realised Charlie had said something else, and he’d missed it.

“What?” he asked, slumping back in his seat.

“I said, ‘how are you?’” Charlie shrugged, still wearing that smile. “You okay?”

Shayne nodded briskly, glad that Charlie provided him with an adjective that he could lie and agree to. It saved him having to fabricate a lie himself.

“You?” he asked, feeling secure in the knowledge that anyone – including Charlie – could easily be distracted if they were coaxed into talking about themselves.

“Yeah, I’m…” Charlie sighed, glancing at his notes. “I’m half-dead this morning. Just hoping my coffee kicks in before second class, for the history test.”

As a fun kick to the ribs when he was already down, Shayne had forgotten about the test. He’d also likely forgotten every word of their history textbook. His found it hard to concentrate these days, and everything that passed in front of his face seemed to dissolve somewhere between his eyeballs and his brain.

“Hey, are you sure you’re feeling okay?”

Fuck. Charlie had wasted no time in swinging the focus back towards Shayne.

Shayne felt his heart start to pound, cold sweat breaking out on the back of his neck. He hated this. He wished he’d found somewhere else to sit. He missed the days when nobody gave a shit, nobody asked him questions like how he was or if he was feeling okay. He’d blacked out in art class the previous term, and nobody had even noticed; they’d all just assumed he’d put his head down to go to sleep.

And yet, Charlie… Charlie saw him.

He wondered what would happen if he told him the truth. If he said that he was scared and ashamed to eat anything, that he was so hungry his stomach hurt, that this was still so much better than the alternatives...

Shayne glared at the back of the seat in front of him, hating himself for even considering burdening Charlie with all of that. Charlie was staring, still waiting for him to say something, but he didn’t exactly look worried yet. One advantage of being a miserable bastard was that Shayne didn’t have to put up an exhausting, cheerful façade.

“Kind of tired,” he said finally.

“Okay." Charlie frowned. "Well, I’m going to read over my notes a few more times, but if you’re really tired, I’ve been told my shoulder makes a good pillow.”

Shayne blinked with genuine incomprehension. The words didn’t stick in his brain long enough for him to dissect them; all he could really focus on was trying to breathe in time with the hunger pangs fluctuating in his stomach. He could usually keep it relatively quiet that way, but being this close to Charlie was making him even more anxious than usual.

“What?” he mumbled.

Charlie’s eyelashes fluttered as he broke into another smile, his gaze flicking away from Shayne’s. “Um, you can sleep on my shoulder, if you want.”

Shayne scoffed under his breath.

“Or don’t,” Charlie laughed, turning his attention towards his notes. “Whatever.”

Shayne’s gaze wandered towards the paper in Charlie’s hands, skimming over the headings that he’d jotted down in his annoyingly pretty handwriting. The topics sounded vaguely familiar, like he remembered them from a movie he hadn’t watched since he was a toddler. Like he’d last heard them from the other side of a thick veil.

His stomach pinched, and he realised he was hugging his waist again in an attempt to ease the pain and muffle any unwanted noise. He swallowed harshly, glancing from Charlie’s notes to Charlie’s shoulder and remembering his offer.

It was so silly. And yet Shayne wriggled a little closer.

The fabric of Charlie’s jacket was cool, unpleasantly so, against his cheek at first, but he quickly got over it. His head instantly felt better, supported by something solid instead of trying to follow the turns of the bus. Shayne inhaled deeply as his stomach squeezed and his shoulders tensed against the pain. A low grumble began to surface, soft enough that he covered it up with a sigh.

“I know I sound like a broken record,” Charlie said, startling Shayne a bit, since he’d thought he’d gone back to revising. “But… you can tell me if something’s wrong.”

“I’m fine,” Shayne said. The words felt like shards in his throat. He didn’t know – wouldn’t realise for a while yet – why it was getting more and more difficult to bring himself to lie to Charlie.

Charlie nodded slowly. “Okay.”

Shayne closed his eyes and continued taking deep, delicate breaths.

[cosmiclatte28]

Walk You Home (Jeno x reader) angst

A/n : hey. Yeah sorry for the long disappearance. Here is a story that even happened in my dream.

For you @yutahoes for the request on June lmao took me a month, but I hope this is okay

Pairing : Jeno x you + Jaemin

wc : 2415!!

Trigger warning : dead character, supernatural incidents, the ghost is lurking, language

i hope this is good enough

@yutahoes @neopalette @supermwritersnet @multifandomnet

He still remembers the accident in the back of his mind. It haunts Jeno every night how he sees his best friend laying on the emergency bed with a bleeding head and a pair of eyes that lose focus as the paramedics run through the corridors. Jeno still remembers running with them, pushing the dying man with a pretty smile to the operation room. Jeno can still feel Jaemin’s almost gone breath as he tried to send his last will to Jeno. Jeno never forgets the last will Jaemin said before the angelic guy closes his eyes forever.

They were only 21, enjoying their life to the best. Nights spent partying at clubs and fraternities, lunch spent with cute girls and the basketball teams, afternoon spent together as they always did since they were young. Jeno and Jaemin, the duo you always wish to be, an inseparable best friend, the two handsome princes. Everything seems perfect, until the night Jaemin got hit by a drunk driver and Jeno had to watch his one and only best friend let his hand go.

“Jeno?” a soft voice disturbs his daydream and the boy quickly shakes his head.

“Yes love?” He puts on his eye smile when he sees you, his girlfriend for ten months sitting beside him in the library.

“What were you thinking?” you whisper while looking at him to find answers. He is so hard to read and you’re still trying to be able to read him.

Jeno only picks your hand on the table and plants a quick light kiss “Nothing, just what flower to bring tomorrow.”

You sympathetically rub his back and squeeze his hand “Jaemin loves cherry blossoms of course we will bring that.”

Jeno just nods “Won’t he be bored?”

You rub his hair “He loves cherry blossoms, he won’t be bored of it.” you say and turn to face your book to start reading.

Jeno just keeps staring at his hand that you just held, there’s a silver band encircling his finger and when he glances at you, he sees the same ring but in a smaller size on your hand.

It’s Jaemin’s second death commemoration, Jeno misses him dearly but every night Jeno is haunted by the same nightmare.

He plays with the ring in his finger and chooses to distract himself with his phone once his corner of his eyes caught a glimpse of his best friend. Cross out the ghost of Jaemin.

It’s been two years and Jeno can still occasionally “see” Jaemin. No one sees him, his friends just say that Jeno grew up too attached and that he misses Jaemin that’s why his mind kept on seeing things. But Jeno is sure, the Jaemin he sees is the real spirit of Jaemin. He’s always seen looking over you and Jeno and his smile is still as pretty as it can be.

-----

Jeno enters his apartment, after Jaemin is gone, he chose to move into a studio so he won’t keep getting reminded of the past. But as the young boy closes his door and strips himself to take a shower, his reflection in the mirror made him stop. There he can see Jaemin sitting on the top of his book shelf, but when he looks back he’s not there.

On the mirror, he can see his friend still happily swinging his feet.

“What do you want Jaem?” he snickers at himself for talking to a spirit in his room.

Jeno of course knows there won’t be any answers, but he knows the look in Jaemin’s eyes and he knows his friend wants to say something.

“I will come to your grave tomorrow. I didn’t forget.” he crosses his arms over his chest.

Jaemin smiles but shakes his head

“You keep on showing up Jaem and it’s tiring for me. It’s painful to see you but you’re not here with me.” his frustration that he keeps in his heart starts to boil.

Jaemin remains calm and Jeno laughs at his own reflection “Look at me. I am out of my mind, talking to a mirror. Well, I’ll shower and please if you want to say something show it or say it. I’ll shower. DON’T FOLLOW ME.” he still playfully jokes around about this and Jeno takes off his accessories and then closes his bathroom door.

Jaemin jumps down the shelves and walks around the room, well he is still here despite two years of leaving this world because he had one thing left to do.

Jaemin reaches out for the picture frame of Jeno and him how Jeno’s smile was so genuine back then but now it looks fake and forced.

He doesn’t want his best friend to be sad, and Jaemin has to fix that.

Jaemin sits down and flashes back on three months ago when he was sitting on top of your cupboard. He always does this and he’s grateful you cannot see him or he’ll be called a peeping tom. He overheard you calling your best friend and asking about your relationship with Jeno.

For Jaemin this sounds weird, he sees how happy you are with Jeno but why are you talking like this to your friend.

The conversation he overheard was clear and fresh in his memory.

“I don’t know about Jeno, but he seems to be tired of me.” you spoke to your best friend, Renjun on the call.

“What do you mean? He’s happy when you said yes eight months ago.”

“Yes but eight months he always treated me like I am that special, isn’t that weird?”

“Are you high? All girls want to be treated like a princess. Jeno is doing that to you but you don’t want that?”

You sigh “No, it just seems fishy Renjun-ah. Men usually will show their true self after some months together, we never fight. He always lets me win. Not that I don’t like it, its just like he is just doing a duty. I don’t feel any surprise, everything seems perfect and planned.”

Jaemin scrunches his eyebrows and almost falls from the cupboard when you suddenly look in his direction.

The guy finally left after hearing the rest of the call and since he’s been coming over to see you for almost one year and a half, he always listened to whatever you were sharing that Jeno never knew.

What Jaemin finds fascinating is that Jeno never knows that you felt something weird about the relationship.

-----

Jaemin glances over to the countertop near Jeno’s bed and notices the silver ring with your initials in it. He reaches over but passes through it. He sighs and keeps his hands to himself “(y/n)” he whispers to himself as he looks at the ring with big eyes.

The bathroom door opens and Jeno comes out of the steam with wet hair and red eyes.

Jaemin quickly disappears, had Jeno been crying?

Jeno grabs his phone that lights up with a reminder. “Text (y/n) good night,” the reminder says and he obediently unlocks his phone to type in his message.

Jaemin never notices this because well he never pays attention to his phone. But if he knows this, he’ll be furious.

----

The two of you park the car near the picturesque scenery where Jaemin’s resting place is located. Well, if Jeno is his long life best friend, you are Jaemin’s high school friend.

Both of you take turns, you go first to the grave, plucking out some wild grass while trying to tell Jaemin that Jeno is doing well and that you miss him. You don’t spend too much time as you know Jeno will have more to say.

“Wait in the car okay, lock the door.” Jeno kisses the top of your head as he brings the cherry blossom to his best friend.

“It’s been two years,” Jeno started “And eleven months with (y/n). I am so sorry that I have to tell you this Jaem, but.” Jeno pauses. He looks around trying to find Jaemin.

“But I cannot do this any longer. It’ll only hurt her more. I am sorry Jaem.” Jeno gives a stroke on the stone and leaves not long after.

Both of you drive in silence, it’s uncommon since you try to respect Jeno’s emotions for you know it must be hard for him.

“Where do you want to go?” he asks before making an exit on the highway.

You look at him “I have to get something for mom, but it’s going to be a hassle to bring a car and find parking space there.”

Jeno didn’t give you a chance to speak anything else when he just cuts you with “Oh we can park my car and I’ll walk with you there.”

You want to deny him and say no thank you, but dating Jeno for 11 months, you know it’s hard to make the man change his mind.

“Okay, thank you. I was about to ask Renjun to accompany me but if you’re not busy then yes please come with me.” you calmly thank him and Jeno just nods his head.

You observe his face from the side, isn’t he jealous? Shouldn’t he be jealous? How come his face doesn’t show any change of emotion?

You bite your lips and tune the radio louder as both of you enter Jeno's living space.

He parked his car, goes up to take his bus card and soon after returned by your side with two caps.

“It’s sunny, you would want to wear this.” he puts it over your head and you just smile. Maybe he really is attentive and full of care

The market district was full of stands and you were looking through some types of textile. Your mother is a designer and she makes custom made dress, it’s your job to find the textile she wanted.

Jeno just stays beside you. Admiring how professional you look. If Jaemin is here, he knows that man could help you pick. After all, Jaemin is more suitable to be your boyfriend than Jeno is. He shakes his head to clear his mind. Lately he’s been thinking of crazy stuffs

“We’re done.” you say after pocketing the card your mom gave and you hold his hand. Jeno was surprised “Oh where’s the stuffs let me bring it” his other hand reaches over you to usually take over the stuffs you have but he found nothing.

You giggle “They will send it home Jeno, it’s too heavy if we have to carry it home. Now come on, let me treat you to coffee. You seem out of your mind.” you say goodbye to the vendor and drag your man to a coffee shop nearby.

“Here’s your americano.” you hand him the coffee and he questions you “Oh we’re not sitting down?”

You shake your head “You look tired Jen, let’s go home okay.” you rub his hair and take his hand into your palm.

Jeno can see Jaemin on the corner of the shop smiling at him, but his smile was different. Jaemin looked sad.

“It’s our bus come Jen.” you wonder why he’s always day dreaming lately but you won’t force him to answer you.

The bus ride was quick. Both of you are living close to each other, so usually you will separate at the bus stop or he’ll walk you home.

The walk was filled with light talks like him asking what you will do after this and you just ask him about his cats.

“We’re here.” he softly lets go off your hand that he’s been holding.

You smile “Thank you, goodbye, get home safe.”

He nods “I’m gonna watch you go inside, so hurry and go in.”

He waits as you turn your back to enter the apartment.

You wave back at him and he blows a flying kiss to you.

“See you tomorrow.” you yell before disappearing and Jeno smiled.

Jeno turns around and questions if he misses you already.

“Goodnight, good bye, see you tomorrow” he chants to himself, repeating what just happened.

In a few hours, it’ll be the long-awaited weekend

I’ll pick you up so sleep in

And let’s meet at that place at 2pm,

Jeno whispers to himself “to break up.”

He feels a lump on his heart been taken away and he can walk home with a lighter steps. On his way to his apartment, he enjoys the breeze and thinks that it’s time to end the lie.

Once he steps into his apartment, he sees Jaemin once again greeting him, this time with a small smile.

Jeno raises his brow, he doesn’t know what that smile means.

“I am breaking up with her. I am sorry.” Jeno speaks up

Jaemin nods

“You loved her, and we once made a promise that we will fulfil each other’s last wishes.” Jeno took off his cap

Jaemin just keeps staring at him, wanting him to continue

“And I did your last wish.” he tosses the cap to the bed “You want to date (y/n), but you didn’t get the chance. I did all of the things you wanted to do with her as a boyfriend.”

Jaemin still smiles but pitifully

“I brought her to your favorite place, accompanies her when she studies, text her good night and good morning daily, I followed her shopping, I walk her home and I tried loving her like how you would, but Jaemin it’s not fair if she knows this and my feelings are tired of pretending.”

Jaemin nods slowly and Jeno feels bad

“But sorry Jaem, she can’t keep living in a lie.” Jeno takes off the ring and puts it down

“Sooner or later, she will know that the J here stands for Jaemin and not Jeno. and that will happen tomorrow.”

Jeno sits down and buries his face in his hands. He pulls at his hairs, feeling confused, happy and sad at the same time.

He feels a warm touch on his shoulder and when he looks up behind his watery eyes, he sees Jaemin sends him the best smile he ever sees and he looks peaceful. Slowly as Jeno tries to hold his friend for the last time, Jaemin fades and disappears completely into thin air.

Life goes on, Jeno stop lying and finally Jaemin can leave in peace and you? You finally know the answer why your guts keep telling you that this looks odd.

end.