#bucks been present in Christopher’s like for six years now

[inkinmyheartandonthepage]

Colour At First Sight

Here I am (late but I made it eventually!) with day 9 of flufftober: at first sight. Read it on A03

The world exploded into colour eight hours into a thirty-six-hour shift.  

The 118 has been taken offline for a couple of hours as they had a school group come through. Buck loves the school tours. Loves the curious little faces that look at them with wide eyes, looks of unfiltered awe, and kids always ask the best questions. Bobby always made the extra effort for the school tours and the whole firehouse got involved, it never feeling like a chore.

When Buck had arrived at the station at the beginning of his shift, Bobby was already at the kitchen table, laptop in front of him going over his PowerPoint presentation. There’s already a breakfast spread on the kitchen bench for them and when Buck hurried to get himself a still warm croissant before the rest of the crew descended on the feast.

“What time did you get here?” Buck had asked as he took a seat beside Bobby.

“A couple of hours ago,” Bobby had answered, his eyes never straying from his laptop.

“Thanks.” Even after a year of working with the 118 (and Buck now a fully-fledged firefighter and for the first time Buck felt settled in who he was) it still blew his mind that their captain cooked them meals. That Bobby made sure they all had a least once descent meal a day. It made old wounds in Buck’s heart open, wondering why his parents never seemed to care like Bobby did.

And Bobby had heard the sincerity in Buck’s tone, looking up from his laptop to lock eyes with him. He smiled, his eyes softening as he looked Buck. “Of course.”

They had a couple of calls out before the school tour – a thief stuck in a window they had tried to escape from and recused a man from a hole he got stuck in (and he had dug the hole himself but refused to tell them why he had dug it. The ride back to the station had them each throwing out wild guess after while guess, laughter ringing through the rig).

When they had arrived back at the station, Bobby had taken them offline and had been doing the final checks for their tour right up until the school bus had arrived. Every firefighter had crowded around as Bobby welcomed their school group, every firefighter just as, if not as equally, excited as the kids were.

After Bobby had been through his presentation, the kids had been split up into groups, Buck’s group starting with their turnout gear. He went through each piece and why it was important they wore them. He let them try on the turnout coats and helmets (the teachers and chaperones taking photos, cooing over how adorable they looked in the oversize gear).

Buck had been instantly taken with the young boy named Christopher. The two of them had clicked instantly, Buck charmed by that cheesy smile and curiosity about everything. Chris (and all the other children) didn’t seem to mind the endless facts that Buck had or the small tangents he went on like most adults did. They soaked it up and told Buck their own facts they had (and if they had nothing to do with fire stations and everything to do dinosaurs, well Buck wasn’t going to stop them.)

“Buckaroo! Finally found someone your own age to hang out with,” Chimney had teased as they had passed to check out the engine next.

Buck had stuck is tongue out in return. “You’re just jealous!”

The school tour went way to quickly for Buck’s liking (and judging by the small pout on Bobby’s lips it went to fast for him too).

“Thank you all for coming,” Bobby was saying when one of the chaperones sidled up to Buck’s side.

And Buck may be only to be able to see in black and white but he’s not blind. He had noticed the hot dad the second he had come into the station. He was tall like Buck (maybe a couple inches shorter) and wearing a soft looking Henley and tight jeans. And while his physique was hot, it was the look of utter adoration when he looked at Christopher that had sealed the deal for Buck.

“Hey,” he said, voice quiet and low.

“Hey,” Buck grinned back, trying to act as if the smooth voice hadn’t sent a pleasurable chill down his spin. “Chris’s dad, right?”

“Eddie,” he introduced himself with a quirk of his lips. “And you’re Buck.”

And okay, Buck couldn’t help but preen a little that Eddie had taken notice of his name. “That’s me.”

“I wanted to say thank you,” Eddie said, looking at Buck with such sincerity that it made Buck’s throat tighten and his heart thump loudly in his chest. “You have made my kid’s whole week.”

Ducking his head, his cheeks feeling hot, Buck shrugged. “Nah, pretty sure your kid gave me the best day ever. He had the best questions.”

“I don’t know,” Eddie said thoughtfully, his smile teasing. “You had some pretty cool facts yourself. Even though they weren’t fire related.”

“Eddie! They were talking about dinosaurs. How was I not supposed to encourage their creative thinking on whether a t-rex could hold a fire hose?”

Eddie sniggered. “Don’t know how a t-rex could get a turnout coat on with those arms.”

Buck laughed, swaying into Eddie’s space, and bumping their shoulders together –

The first brush of their arms and Buck’s whole world exploded in a flood of colour. Gone were the shades of black and white that Buck was accustomed too, the world now saturated with tints and hues that Buck never knew existed. The sudden change sent Buck sprawling to his ass. Pain shot up his tail bone, matching the pulsing headache that rattled his skull.

“Buck!”

The shouts all around him only added to pain piercing through his skull. It pulsed through his forehead, at his temples and behind his eyes. The panic around him only added to the anxiety building in his chest, the fear of not knowing what the hell was going on! He pressed the heel of his palm into eyes, rubbing them furiously. Something was wrong, something was -  

It all faded when a strong hand gripped his wrists. Gently, Eddie tugged Buck’s palms away from his eyes, stopping himself from grounding them deeper into his sockets. Buck whimpered, squeezing his eyes shut tightly.

“Buck.”

And that was Eddie’s voice, close and calming. Buck was already addicted to the sound, and he probably should be embarrassed about that. He couldn’t bring himself to care.

“Eddie?” Buck croaked out. “I don’t – what’s happening? Why is everything…bright?”

“It’s okay.” Eddie’s voice was soft and soothing. His thumb was rubbing circles over the pulse point on his wrist, the touch grounding Buck in a way that he had never experienced. “I know it’s sudden but you’re okay. Just breathe.”

Buck tried to do as Eddie asked, breathing in one shaky breath at a time. He heard Bobby calmly directing everyone away, the voices falling away as Buck focused on each encouraging praise that Eddie gave him.

“Dad? Is Buck okay?”

Buck cracked open an eye at Chris’s worried voice. The word was still too bright, tones that Buck could never have imagined now taking up his vision. Slowly, Buck’s opened his eyes more, drinking in the new vision of Chris. Buck knew his jaw had dropped; lips parted in what could only be described as gobsmacked.

And Chris had been adorable in black and white but in colour he was what the songs sang about, what artist painted on canvas and what the poets penned. Chris was leaning against his father’s shoulder, where he was crouched down in front of Buck. As Buck’s gaze shifted his gaze to Eddie, he felt as if he’d been knocked off his feet again.

Poetry, music, and art had nothing on the vision that was Eddie Diaz.

“He’s okay, mijo,” Eddie answered Chris. “Do you remember what I told you about meeting your soulmate?”

“Yes.” Chris wiggled with excitement, and he gasped, “Is Buck yours?”

“Yeah,” Eddie said, his smile going fond as he looked at Buck. And a flush appeared on his cheeks (and that colour! Buck could stare at it for hours on end) and he looked back to his son. “All this colour, it’s a little overwhelming. Especially since we weren’t expecting it.”

“Wait – you knew this could happen?” Buck blurted out.

Eddie looked back at Buck, a frown pulling at his features. “Yes? Everyone knows that when you meet your soul mate you can see colour.”

“I can’t wait,” Chris chirped, swaying with his excitement.

Buck blinked at Eddie. Soul mates? The world not actually in shades of black and white but actually saturated in hues of light and vivid tints? What the hell was he talking about.

The confusion must have shown on his face because Eddie’s eyes widened. “You didn’t know this?”

“No,” Buck whispered, shoulder’s hunching.

“Your parents never explained to you what would happen if you met your soulmate?” Eddie asked, looking startled at the very thought.

Buck’s shoulder’s hunched further and he avoided Eddie’s gaze. He tried to tug his wrists from Eddie’s grip but - his soul mate?  - tightened his fingers around him, not letting Buck go.

“Hey, no, don’t hide,” Eddie said, scooting closer to Buck. “Not from me. It’s okay.”

Buck huffed out a noise of disbelief. How was any of this okay?

Eddie’s hands released his wrists and before Buck had even the chance to mourn the loss of his touch, Eddie’ hands were cupping his face, thumb gently tracing over Buck’s cheek bones.

“I’m sorry,” Eddie said, dark eye’s (and not the usual dark that Buck was used too. This darkness was so damn beautiful that Buck just wanted to fall into them) full of sadness.

“It’s not your fault,” Buck said automatically.

Eddie smiled ruefully. “It kind of is.”

Buck barked out a laugh. “Ah well, nobody can’t say you didn’t sweep me off my feet.”

Chris giggles were loud and mixed perfectly in with Eddie’s own laughter and Buck melted at the sound.

“Think I can sweep you back on them?” Eddie asked.

Buck nodded and Eddie removed his hands from his cheeks. He held his hands out and Buck took them, letting his soulmate (and Buck was beginning to understand what exactly that meant) haul him up on to his feet.

A throb of pain pulsed through Buck’s lower back, but he was steadier on his feet than he was expecting. Eddie released his hands, cupping his elbow instead.

“Buck?”

Tearing his gaze from Eddie, Buck looked over to Bobby. His captain was hovering close by, concerned etched into every crease of his face. Hen and Chimney stood close by too, ready to spring into action at a moment notice. Is this what Bobby and Hen saw every day?

“You doing okay, kid?” Bobby asked carefully.

And Buck blinked around the fire station, the colours still bright and overwhelming but more manageable than they had been. He looked back at Eddie who was still watching him, hand squeezing Buck’s elbow in silent support.

“Yeah, yeah,” Buck said, looking back at Bobby. “I’m okay, I think.”

Bobby’s concern melted away into something soft. “Why don’t you take Chris and Eddie upstairs.”

Buck grinned, turning back to Eddie. His breath caught in his face as he drank in the sight before him. If this is what meeting Eddie did to him, he wondered what getting to know him would bring and Buck couldn’t wait. “You, uh, you think you could teach me more about soul mates?”

And Eddie’s smile was blinding. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

“Me too! I can teach you, Buck,” Chris chirped up from his position beside Eddie.

Buck grinned at the Diaz’s, heart skipping in his chest. Yeah, he couldn’t wait to learn more about soul mates, he had a feeling he was going to love it.

[buckleyblueyes]

once you find it (it can never be replaced)

Wrote this as a little late birthday present for @diazchristopher! I hope you like it Neethu! Happy belated birthday! 

Summary: It’s not an earth shattering realization, there’s nothing dramatic about it. It’s as simple as it is inevitable (also read on AO3)

Buck realizes he’s in love with Eddie three days before Halloween. It’s not an earth shattering realization, there’s nothing dramatic about it. It’s as simple as it is inevitable. It happens on a Monday morning at the station. The coffee maker breaks on the first cup of the day, and nobody's happy about it. Chimney makes a run to the coffee shop to get them through, but he’s not back yet, and Eddie is glaring daggers at the broken machine, as if he can intimidate it into working again.

“Hey, Bobby, can we get a Hildy?” Albert asks.

Eddie whips around before Bobby can say anything. “Oh, no. No, no, no, no. It’s bad enough I have one of those hell machines spying on me at home.” He glances at Buck. “I refuse to let Hildy infiltrate the station.”

Bobby chuckles. “Calm down, Eddie. We couldn’t afford a smart coffee maker anyway.”

Eddie breathes a sigh of relief, and Buck can’t help the smile that pulls at the corner of his lips. “You’re ridiculous,” is what he says out loud. “God, I love you,” is what he says in his head. It doesn’t take him by surprise, doesn’t freak him out like maybe it should, given that he’s dating someone who isn’t Eddie. He’s always known his feelings for Eddie were more complicated than simple friendship. He hasn’t let himself dwell on it, has always had good reasons for ignoring the flutter in his chest when Eddie looks at him a certain way, or the warmth that cascades through his body when Eddie finds a reason to touch him (a hand on his shoulders as he passes by, an arm brushed against his, a knee pressed against his thigh in the truck). It was always there, a faint hum in the back of his mind.

Easy to ignore, until suddenly it’s not.

Buck breaks up with Taylor on a Tuesday in November, two weeks after the hum in his mind has graduated to an all encompassing buzzing under his skin, three days before their six month anniversary. It’s not dramatic, or even very painful, for either of them, and Buck knows he made the right decision. He likes Taylor, but he doesn’t love her, and as sad as she is to see him go, he knows that she doesn’t love him either.  

He’s not sure why it takes him so long between the realization and the decision to break things off with Taylor. Maybe it’s because breaking up with Taylor means actually acknowledging that he’s in love with Eddie to someone other than himself. Not that he says it, but he knows it’s implied in the way he says, “I just don’t think this is what I want,” and the way she just nods, like she’s seen this coming. Which she probably has. Subtly has never been Buck’s strong suit.

He announces the breakup the next day at work because Chimney is asking when he’s free to babysit Jee-Yun next and mentions something about not wanting to get in the way of Buck’s relationship and Buck assures him that there’s no relationship to get in the way of. Chimney pats him on the shoulder sympathetically.

“I’m sorry, Buckaroo,” he says with a small smile.

“I’m okay,” Buck insists. “I was the one who broke it off.”

“Oh.” Chimney sounds dumbfounded, which Buck supposes is fair, given how often Buck talks about being lonely. “Why?”

Because the universe has a cruel sense of humor, Eddie choses that moment to step out from the otherside of the ladder truck. “Why what?”

“Buck broke up with Taylor,” Chimney says, like he’s not stepping in the middle of an emotional minefield--after all, none of the mines will blow him up.

Eddie’s eyes widen almost imperceptibly. But Buck knows him well enough to see it.

“We wanted different things,” Buck says, shrugging. The bell rings before Eddie or Chimney can ask more questions. Buck sighs in relief.

By the end of shift, everyone at the station knows about the breakup, because Chimney knows, and Chimney loves gossip, and Buck told Chimney he could tell people. It saves him the trouble of having to acknowledge it, lets the word spread without him having to have the same conversation a dozen times. Instead he focuses on his work, pretending not to notice the sympathetic looks his coworkers keep flashing him. Poor Buck, they’re all probably thinking, alone again.

Well. Almost all of them. Buck has no idea what Eddie is thinking, but he’s sure it’s not the same sad sympathy everyone else is exuding because Eddie never even liked Taylor. He’s probably relieved he doesn’t have to make awkward small talk with her again, if anything. Eddie watches Buck like their other coworkers, but the look in his eyes isn’t sympathy. Buck pretends not to notice Eddie’s looks, too.

A week after Buck’s breakup with Taylor, he’s leaning against Eddie’s kitchen counter with a beer in his hand, and Eddie’s at the sink washing dishes (only fair, since Buck cooked dinner). Christopher is in his room working on homework, and the house is quiet, which only serves to emphasize the tension that’s been building between the two men for the last week, like a rubber band slowly pulled taut, just barely held in place between two fingers.

“So,” Eddie starts, in a tone of forced casualness. “How have you been doing since your breakup?”

Buck takes a swig of his beer. “Fine. It was my choice, and I don’t regret it.”

“Your choice,” Eddie echoes, placing the last dish on the drying rack, before turning to face Buck. “Y’know, you never really told me why.”  

Buck gulps. “Eddie…”

“Why did you break up with Taylor?” Eddie asks, dark eyes boring into Buck. The rubber band stretches even further. “And I don’t want the lie you told Chimney.”

Buck sets down his beer, and crosses his arms. “Why did you break up with Ana?”

“It wasn’t what I wanted,” Eddie doesn’t hesitate. “She wasn’t who I wanted.”

Buck’s arms fall back to his sides. “Who-what do you want, then?” He tries to swallow the word “who” in the back of his throat, but it comes out anyway. His palms are sweating and his heart is racing and oh, God, what if he’s wrong about this?

Eddie just takes a step forward, expression unreadable. “Don’t you know, Evan?” His voice doesn’t shake, but it’s quiet, almost a whisper. Like he’s forcing the words out before he loses his ability to speak completely.

It’s not even really an answer, not entirely. There’s just enough plausible deniability that Eddie could walk it back. Maybe. If they weren’t six inches apart. If Eddie wasn’t looking at him like every hope and dream he’s ever had rely on what Buck does next. If the last time Eddie used Buck’s first name wasn’t in a hospital room. If Buck didn’t know Eddie so completely.

The rubber band snaps.

Buck practically lunges forward into Eddie’s space, wrapping his hands around Eddie’s neck and pulling him into a kiss. He kisses Eddie hard, pouring every ounce of pent up emotion from the last three and a half years into it, and Eddie kisses him back with equal intensity. Eddie’s hands on his waist, callused and warm, and Buck pushes Eddie up against the edge of the sink so their bodies are pressed together as firmly as their lips are. Buck’s fingers find their way from Eddie’s neck into his hair, and he tugs gently, earning a moan from the other man. Seizing the opportunity, Buck slides his tongue along Eddie’s lower lip, which falls open further to let Buck in. Time moves slow as honey around them, as they melt into each other. Nothing else in the world seems to matter except getting more and more of Eddie.

Buck’s giddy with the feeling. He’s kissing Eddie. Eddie is kissing him back. Eddie wants him. He has to pull back, unable to stop himself from letting out a small giggle.

“What?” Eddie asks, breathless. He sure is a sight, hair mussed and lips swollen. He looks wanton and a wave of smugness bubbles up in Buck’s chest because he did that.

“Nothing, I’m just happy,” Buck says softly, leaning down to rest his forehead against Eddie's. “I thought you might--but I didn’t want to get my hopes up.”

Eddie’s brown eyes soften with fondness. “Me too.”

Buck swallows. “Should we talk about this?”

“Probably," Eddie says, and then continues in that casual, matter of fact tone of his, "I’m in love with you."

“Oh, well, good,” Buck ducks his head and smiles bashfully. “I’m in love with you, too.”

Eddie sucks a breath through his teeth, moving back just so he can move in again at the right angle for a kiss. “Well, then. Are we done talking?”

Buck pretends to think about it for a moment. “Hm, yeah. I think we’re on the same page.”

He barely finishes his sentence before Eddie’s lips are on his again, and this time he’s the one pushed up against the counter, the cold tile digging into his back. He knows they have more to talk about--how to tell Christopher, how (and when) they want to tell the team, what this means for their working relationship--but that’s all secondary. They’ll figure it out, together. Because he’s Buck and Eddie is Eddie, and they’ve both been all in since the day they pulled a live grenade out of a man’s thigh together.

Right now, all he needs is for Eddie to never stop kissing him like this.

(Eddie never does.)

[bibabyboybuck]

Your Eddie

Word Count - 1.2k

Rating - General Audiences

Thank you @morganofthefairies for beta reading my 2 am nonsense <3

Written for @911firstkissweek - Apart or Stuck Together

Read on ao3

Six months.

It had been six disgustingly long months now since Eddie had been suddenly called up from the reserves and shipped across the globe to get shot at.

Six months since Buck had seen his best friend.

Six months since he was entrusted with the most precious thing in Eddie’s life, his son.

Six months since the waiting for intermittent calls off a satellite phone that was both Buck’s salvation because Eddie was still alive, and his destruction because the silence after would be deafening.

Six months of having to tell Christopher that he didn't know when his dad was coming home or if he was even okay.

Six months of constantly whirling around to share whatever just happened with Eddie to realize that he wasn’t there and was instead across the world getting shot at.

Not that he was pining. Because he wasn’t.

But none of his missing but not pining for Eddie mattered anymore, because Eddie was coming home today. And there was absolutely nothing that could take that away from him.

Buck had practically vibrated the whole way through the twelve-hour shift that morning, blue eyes brighter than they had been in a long time and his trademarked lopsided smile making its famed reappearance.

And so Buck found himself sitting on a bench just outside the international entrance waiting not so patiently for Eddie’s plane to land.

“Who are you waiting for, young man?” A voice asked, startling Buck back into the moment.

An elderly woman had snuck up on Buck and managed to take the seat next to him without him noticing.

“My, uh,” Buck didn’t have an answer. After all, Eddie wasn’t just his friend or his best friend for that matter. Without a good answer, Buck just replied, “Eddie.”

( More under cut )

“And how long has your Eddie been gone?” Buck didn’t miss the way she said it or the sly but knowing smile she sent him.

“Uh, six months,” Buck’s back straightened, a strange form of pride filling him. “He’s an army medic.”

“My husband was in the army,” the lady murmured fondly, memories seeming to flash through her bright, green eyes. She squeezed Buck’s knee, smiling sadly. “I remember those months apart were some of the worst months of my life.”

“Yeah, it hasn’t been fun,” Buck admitted, But Christopher and I got through it together.”

“And Christopher is your son?” The woman cocked her head to the side, the sad smile shifting to a happy-sad.

“No, no,” Buck’s typical talking about Christopher smile broke across his face, marking the second piece of him returning after so long. “He’s Eddie’s kid, I was just taking care of him while Eddie was away.”

“Mmm,” the woman hummed, looking at Buck like she knew something he didn’t.

“What?” Buck laughed. He was enjoying talking to this woman and he’d already told this lady enough of his life, might as well go for it.

“He asked you to watch his child for six months while he went off to war and you just said yes?”

“What? No!” Buck refuted, brushing the idea away. “He didn't ask. I offered.”

This did not take the woman by surprise as Buck had expected. Instead, she just bluntly asked, “And how long have you been in love with your Eddie?”

“I’m not—“ Buck stammered, wringing his hands together. Him? In love with Eddie?

“Son, you don’t have to lie to me.” The lady looked at Buck, but not with any of the emotions he’s expected from a stranger. It was a knowing, soft smile.

“I—“ The words died in his throat. He wanted to tell this woman that he wasn’t in love with Eddie, but the words wouldn’t come out. Because they were lies.

Because he was in love with—

Him.

He was dressed in army fatigues and looked a little rough around the edges, but there was no mistaking him.

Eddie.

All the sounds and noises of the busy airport faded away as Buck surged forward, switching into autopilot mode to decrease the distance between them.

There was about a foot between them when Buck stopped, his body unable to go any farther as the woman’s words echoing in his head.

Buck realized he should probably say something, rather than just staring at Eddie, but he couldn’t. His brain was still waiting for something and until then, he was stuck.

Eddie’s hair was shorter than he remembered and a tension and weight rested on his shoulders that Buck didn’t recognize, but he was here and he was alive and when he said Buck’s name the glass ceiling shattered.

For the second time that day, Buck’s body acted of its own accord. He closed the gap between them and the next thing Buck knew, he was kissing Eddie with all the force of four years of repressed emotions and six months of need and fear.

For a half-moment, Eddie didn’t react and Buck thought he was making the biggest mistake of his whole life.

And then the thunk of Eddie’s bag dropping to the floor echoed through the room and Eddie’s hands were pulling Buck closer by the waist and he was kissing Buck.

Every nerve in Buck’s brain began firing like mad, electricity flowing through him. The whole world could have exploded and it wouldn’t have mattered because Eddie was back and he was alive and he was kissing Buck in the middle of a crowded airport at two in the morning.

When they finally broke apart, Eddie’s shock filled face giving way to amusement as he smiled, breathlessly murmuring “Talk about a coming home present.”

“I’m sorry,” Buck stuttered, trying to back up as red filled his cheeks.

“Where do you think you’re going,” Eddie asked, voice almost a growl as he pulled them back together again.

They stayed like that for a moment before finally coming up for air.

“I missed you,” Buck admitted, pressing his forehead to Eddie’s in an attempt to convey just how much he meant it.

‘I missed you too,” Eddie whispered, tightening his death grip on Buck’s shirt. They didn’t speak for a while, just held onto each other like the other was their only lifeline. Which—at that moment—wasn’t too far off.

After a few intense moments, Eddie broke the spell, murmuring, “But if this is what I come home to, I should make you miss me more often.”

“Haha, not funny Eddie,” Buck laughed, grabbing Eddie’s bag off the floor.

“I can carry my own bag, Buckley,” Eddie teased, some of the tension in his shoulders starting to fade away but his grip on the hem of Buck’s shirt remained relentless.

“I got it,” he dismissed, using his other hand to grab onto Eddie’s hand with the same death grip. They walked towards the doors, stopping only for Buck to nod and smile thanks at the woman.

She just smiled back fondly, shouting “Tell your Eddie welcome home for me!”

“Your Eddie?” He smirked, bumping their hands into Buck’s side. “A little presumptuous, isn’t it?

“Nope, you’re mine and you're stuck with me,” Buck fired back, popping the p like a child. “Now soldier, I do believe there’s a very excited nine-year-old waiting for us.

Swinging their joined hands, Eddie just smiled at the dork he had chosen to love. “Take me home, Buck.”

[potterbite]

falling slowly

five times people found out about eddie changing his will, seeing right through him, and the one time they both admitted what it meant. on ao3

Sometimes, Eddie’s confused when he’s called rude— or on one memorable occasion; a motherfucking shitface —because most of the time he only wants to make other people happy. Sure, that’s not always healthy either, but rude? No. So whenever it happens, it puzzles him a great deal, never quite understanding exactly what was done or said wrong.

On this occasion though, he has no problems seeing how he’s at fault. 

“Are you being an ass on purpose or is it for my benefit alone?” Ana spits, and he can’t really blame her for looking as if she wants to punch him in the face. 

The thing is, he’s been meaning to end things with her for ages— since before the shooting six weeks ago —but he can never find the right moment. Or, rather, timing is right but the words get stuck in his throat, fire burning through all of them until nothing but ashes and a fresh smile remains.  

The irritation he feels for himself bleeds through onto her, staining their conversations, all of them becoming stiff, sometimes as if two strangers talked. And he wants to get out of there, and he wants to stay with her forever just to bask in the easiness of it all, and he wants to kiss her to not have to say anything at all, and he wants her to end it so he doesn’t have to.

So when she took a stray potato from his plate and said, chewing, that maybe she should spend more time with Christopher in case Eddie ever had to work late, because that way she could help, and wouldn’t it be useful if the boy knew her better— well Eddie just lost his head completely. 

“Why? Carla or Buck can do that.” He heard the tone of his own voice, the acid not quite coming through, and he had wished it did. The coward in him had made him frown down at the empty plate to avoid meeting her eyes, instead looking at the remaining sauce for the two pieces of potato he’d saved for just that. Ana had taken them without asking. It wasn’t a big deal, and he didn’t mind sharing his food, and he was full anyway— but damn it, he had wanted those last potatoes for himself.

She laughed at his words, soft and easily. “Is Buck honestly the best option? He seems reckless.”

And at this, something had flashed before Eddie’s eyes, red and dangerous, and the words tasted like bile even before they left his lips. “Buck is Christopher’s legal guardian if something ever happens to me.”

This sentence acted as some kind of catalyst for their first— and only —fight, vicious words thrown back and forth in a battle neither seemed to win, but both wanted to end. 

So no, Eddie couldn’t blame Ana for calling him an ass. It’s also the very thing that casts him back into the correct plane of reality, a place where he prides himself in being a decent human being, someone his son can look up to. 

He forces himself to meet her eyes. “I’m sorry.”

Her mouth opens and closes a few times. “W-what?”

“I said I’m sorry. For what I said and for not telling you.”

“I’m sorry too.” Her shoulders sag, and just like that this is the end between them and he knows he’s a coward for letting it be. “And for what it’s worth, you really should tell him.”

Abruptly, as if they’ve mutually agreed upon it, they go to the hallway where he reaches for the jacket he hung there an hour earlier. “I never wanted it to end this way.” This is the truth. 

“Me neither.” He can’t tell if she means it or not. 

“And I have told him,” he continues as he opens the front door, feeling the breeze from the warm night on his face. He’s about to let go of the handle when Ana’s hand closes over his.

“That’s not what I meant.”

She closes the door before he has the time to think of something to say— but honestly there’s nothing more to add. 

***

Eddie doesn’t tell anyone about the break-up. Not immediately anyway. It’s not that he regrets it, or feels sad about it; he’s not even all that remorseful about the way it went down. 

But almost a week later, it comes up when he and Chimney are alone in the kitchen, the others dozing by the tv. 

“Hey, Maddie is feeling better so I thought that maybe you and Ana want to come over this weekend? You can bring Chris.“

“Ah.” He scratches himself by the ear to buy some time, which is probably what tips Chim off. 

“Wait, are you not - ?”

Eddie flicks his eyes around the loft, but no one is close enough to overhear them anyway. “Nah, we broke up last week.”

“I’m sorry man.” Chim puts a gentle hand on his left shoulder and gives him a smile. “Are you okay?”

Eddie nods, because he is. “Yeah. It hasn’t been all that good since before the shooting to tell you the truth, and then we had a major fight after I told her that Buck will be the legal guardian of Chris if anything should happen to me.”

Almost a full minute goes by where Chim just stares open-mouthed at him, and Eddie doesn’t know what to do or say so he stays still, afraid of the gleeful surprise on Chim’s face. 

Finally, Chim blinks a couple of times. “Can I be there when you tell Hen?”

“Why?” Eddie frowns deep, not at all what he expected Chim to say. 

“Trust me. She can say what I can’t.”

“I don’t understand.”

At this, Chim gets a sympathetic smile on his face. “Oh, I know you don’t.”

And he goes to join the others. 

***

To his credit, Chim doesn’t appear to tell Hen what he and Eddie discussed. Unfortunately for Eddie, this means that he doesn’t get a chance to understand what Chim meant. Well, technically, he could just tell Hen and find out for himself, but he did keep this quiet for more than a year— and it was never an active choice, he just didn’t feel as if someone else needed to know, not even Buck at first (which, looking back, might’ve been an oversight on his part)— so speaking up about it now, without being prompted, seems strange, the words falling flat on his tongue. 

However, not even three days after telling Chimney, the moment presents itself in the form of Buck. 

Eddie, Hen and Chim are eating, their shift about to start, when Buck practically throws his entire body towards an available chair, slamming his ankle into one of the table legs, followed by some loud cursing.

As Eddie practically hears the collective eye roll from Chim and Hen, he chuckles. “You know, some of those words are illegal.”

“Ha ha,” Buck groans in response. “Don’t worry, when I have to raise Chris by myself, I’ll make sure he knows them all. I take my guardianship very seriously.” 

There’s a thump, and Eddie looks at Hen; the fork is dangling in the breeze of her open mouth, the food that was obviously just on it lying in the middle of her almost empty plate. 

 “Say what now?” One of her eyebrows is dangerously high up on her forehead. 

Buck looks comically from her, to Eddie, to Chim, and back again. “Um, yeah,” is all he replies. 

Sadly, this means Hen turns to Eddie instead, and he really wishes it weren’t so but he can feel himself shrink under her gaze. “Are you telling me you made Buck the legal guardian of your kid if something happened to you?” 

“No, Buck told you that,” he jokes, but not a muscle in her face reacts. “Yes, that’s what’ll happen if I die.”

She looks thoughtful— scarily so —as her eyes flits between him and Buck; Eddie can almost feel Chim vibrating in the chair next to his own. 

“I should’ve caught on sooner,” she says eventually.

“What?” Eddie’s dry mouth asks even though he doesn’t want to hear the answer. Buck, apparently, is more interested in eating than this conversation and starts picking stuff from Eddie’s plate. Somehow, Eddie doesn’t care. 

Hen smirks, and points a finger between him and Buck, and Eddie can feel his eyes bulging, feel the strange beating of his heart in his own ears, the sweat starting on his palms, and Hen’s smirk turns into an actual smile. 

She doesn’t elaborate, and when Buck looks up from the platter less than a minute later he seems oblivious to the exchange that has happened. 

As the bell goes off and they head toward the truck, Eddie dries his hands on his thighs and drowns out what’s going on inside his head; he’s too scared of all those things he already knows to be true, almost spoken out loud in words he does not yet have. 

***

By the time they get back to the station, Eddie has already figured out he needs to tell Bobby about this; it’s only a matter of time until someone slips up and Eddie really wants to be the one to tell his captain this. Not that he thinks it’s a big deal, but he’d feel weird about it if Bobby heard it from the probie. 

He knocks twice on the doorframe to Bobby’s office. Both of them have taken a shower and had something to eat, enjoying the blissful quiet between calls. 

Bobby looks up at Eddie over the brim of paper he’s holding. “Eddie! What can I do for you?”

Eddie, not knowing what to do with his hands, puts them in the pocket of his pants and takes a few steps into the room, making sure the door is closed. “I - uh, I wanted to talk to you about my will,” he starts.

Bobby nods, opening a cabinet next to the desk to look through some folders. “Have you changed it again since last year?”

Eddie just gapes. “What?”

“I have the copy in here somewhere,” Bobby mutters to himself. “Aha! There it is.” He presents the paper to Eddie, who accepts it. Sure enough, there’s a copy of the will he wrote after the last accident. 

“I didn’t know you had this.”

“Your attorney sent it to me. He figured since you gave me the old one, you’d want me to have the new one as well.”

Eddie nods.

“What did you want to tell me about the will?” Bobby looks so concerned that Eddie can’t help the huff of laughter that escapes him.

“Nothing. I wanted you to know about Buck, that's all.”

“Ah.” Those soul gazing eyes locks onto Eddie and he squirms. “I already know.”

Lost for anything to say to this, Eddie sinks down to the closest chair and they sit together in silence until he no longer feels as if those carefully constructed walls he built to contain all he has inside for Buck is crumbling down around him. Soon he’ll be standing in the ruins of a former fortress and the only one left to tell is Buck. Eddie’s just not sure he has the courage. 

***

Chris was the first one Eddie told, before he even signed the papers or anything. It just didn’t sit right with him to take this decision away from the boy. For weeks and weeks Eddie thought about the best way to bring it up, trying to come up with replies for all plausible scenarios. 

It was a Wednesday when he finally took the plunge.

“Hey buddy, can I ask you something?”

Chris had nodded happily. “What Dad?” 

“If I didn’t come home one day, if something bad happened to me, how do you feel about Buck taking care of you?”

Chris didn’t even think about it. Instead, he frowned deeply. “If you’re not here, why wouldn’t I live with Buck? He always takes care of us.”

Eddie had almost laughed with relief, not having foreseen this easiness at all. He ruffled Chris' hair and said, “No, you’re right. I agree.”

They didn’t talk about it again. 

***

It’s been almost three weeks since his break-up with Ana, and he still hasn’t told Buck. By now, he’s probably the only one that hasn’t figured it out, but Eddie doesn’t mind. In fact, he steers clear of relationship talk when they hang out; he doesn’t want to hear about how fantastic Taylor is, or what new adventures they’ve been up to. 

Strangely, it’s Bobby of all people that tells Buck. Or maybe Bobby tells Eddie, he’s not really sure. 

They find Bobby cooking when they start a long shift, all of them gliding towards the whiff of glorious food. 

“What’s the occasion?” Buck asks as he steals a green bean. 

“Nothing really. Just a happy meal with family.” Bobby stirs the giant pot and adds some spices. “With all the break-ups happening around here, I’m almost worried it’s contagious so I figured we needed an easy dinner together.” 

Eddie stiffens, but curiously enough so does Buck, shoulders rigid and face neutral. Instead, it’s Chim that speaks next. “What do you mean? Who else has broken up?”

“Well, Pannikar and his boyfriend, Eddie and Ana, and now Buck and Taylor,” Bobby says, gesturing towards each of them in turn. Everyone nods, as if nothing he said is brand new information. 

“You and Ana broke up?” The words are almost as quiet as a whisper, meant for Eddie alone while the rest set the table. 

Eddie nods. “You broke up with Taylor?”

“Yeah. Or we both did, I’m not sure.” He gets a deep frown between his eyebrows and the tips of Eddie’s fingers itch to smooth it out. He doesn’t. “We’re still friends though.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Buck tilts his head a little bit to the right, gazing at Eddie as if he’s a riddle to solve. 

Eddie shrugs. Of course, he knows very well why he didn’t say something to Buck but he can’t tell his best friend that— or can he?

Acting on pure impulse, he takes hold of Buck’s hand and drags him away from the kitchen, down the stairs and into their bunk room. He closes the door behind them, leaning on it, and turns to look at the other man; Buck is standing just out of arm's reach. In Eddie’s stomach someone is dancing the conga in circles, begging him to get the hell out of there before he says too much and ruins it all. He ignores this, swallowing hard. 

“Here’s the thing. I’ve been waiting for the right words to come to me, to figure out how to tell you what is apparently very obvious to everyone else. I mean, if I just mention how I changed my will, they all get this look in their eyes, and I know they know. And I don’t understand how you still don’t when I feel as if it’s written on my face.”

Buck is silent, and Eddie can’t even be sure his ramble made any sense whatsoever. He rests the back of his head against the door, waiting for Buck to say something, anything. The urge to get out of there is overwhelming, but the sound of Buck’s breathing is as well— harsh and quick breaths, shallow and full of emotions Eddie can’t place.

“I broke up with Taylor because I think I’m more into you than her,” Buck blurts suddenly, his eyes widening as if he never meant to say any of it. 

An urge to laugh bubbles up inside him, but he presses it down. “Buck.” The other man’s eyes snap to his. “I made you the sole guardian of my kid if I die.”

Eddie can’t tell who moves first— maybe they drift at the same time, two planets on a collision course — but somehow they meet in the middle, lips crashing together until it feels as if they’re fused together as one. He nibbles gently at Buck’s bottom lip, a gesture that makes Buck practically purr in response; Eddie can feel the vibration of it underneath his fingers, lying in a soft grip around Buck’s throat. 

In retaliation— reward? —Buck shuffles them back until Eddie hits the wall with a soft thump, and the quiet groan that escapes him is out of his control honestly. He can’t believe he ever thought that what he had with Ana was enough, not when this has been here the whole time, just waiting beneath the surface for someone to make the first move. 

When the alarm goes off, they don’t separate immediately; instead they sigh apart, Buck letting his forehead fall until it meets Eddie’s. 

“We really should talk about this,” Buck says, and he’s so close that his breath sends shivers across Eddie’s body. 

“Mhm,” Eddie agrees, opening his eyes to meet Buck’s. “But there will be plenty of time for that later.”

(When they get to the truck, Hen smirks at the pair of them when they get in. Eddie pointedly ignores her, but when his gaze lands on Buck he has to bite the inside of his cheek so as not to smile wide enough to crack his head in two.)

(They get around to talking. Later.)

[tawaifeddiediaz]

Who's more freaked out when they bring Vera home, Buck or Eddie? What does their first night look like?

Hehe sorry for the super long wait!! Happy (very belated) birthday, CJ!! I hope you like this <3

[homebound - AO3 Link]

Word Count: 6127 words

Rated Teen for surrogacy discussions, parental anxiety and insecurities

Babies are tiny.

That’s the first thought that pops into Eddie’s head as the nurse places a tiny child in his arms.

It’s not like he hasn’t seen this before. He held Christopher as soon as the nurse handed the screaming child to him, but Christopher was never this tiny. Christopher came out nearly hitting records with his birth weight, and while all babies had an air of fragility around them, the newborn in his hands right now puts the word ‘delicate’ to shame.

Their daughter looks absolutely miniscule, with her little button nose, the tufts of dark hair on her head, the way her mouth keeps forming little “o” shapes as she blinks up at him and the whole hand that won't even wrap completely around his finger. For a long minute, all those fears of parenting hit him all at once, despite having been at the forefront of it for the past six years, and Eddie’s terrified that he’s going to fuck this all up again, even if Buck won’t let him.

Eddie can’t tear his eyes away from her, even when his vision blurs for what seems like the fiftieth time tonight. Even when Buck’s arms come around both of them, Eddie only moves to push back firmly into him, gaze still fixed right on their daughter.

“Take your shirt off and sit down,” Eddie says after they’ve stood there for nearly ten minutes, just watching their daughter fuss and curl back and forth in Eddie’s arms. Buck complies quietly, pressing a kiss to his temple before moving to peel his shirt off. Once he’s settled, Eddie passes their daughter to him for the first skin-to-skin contact, blinking back tears the whole way as her head rests on Buck’s chest.

Buck’s smile at her is radiant as he kisses the top of her head, and for what seems like the millionth time, Eddie falls in love with him all over again. His husband’s eyes are wet too, but his grin stretches ear to ear as his arms cradle their daughter and it’s an image that settles right into Eddie’s bones, along with the rest of them. He pulls his phone out and snaps a few pictures.

Suddenly, he’s so glad that they set their boundaries on wanting privacy for this. Christopher’s waiting outside eagerly, but for this skin-to-skin contact, Buck and Eddie had wanted the time to themselves with her. After that, Chris would be the first to meet her, before they let everyone else take a peek.

As he watched their daughter shove a fist into her mouth as she yawned, Eddie thought back on how this even came to be. 

Becoming parents for the second time wasn’t something that had been on either of their radars, but one random mention of siblings from Christopher and the seed had been planted in both their minds.

From there, they’d made a decision, knowing they were in the best spot to opt for adding another kid to their family. Married for a year and a half, their son completely enraptured by the idea of a brother or sister to play with, and neither of them getting any younger...there really hadn’t been a better time than the present. 

So there began their research. They looked into every possible way to expand their family, but Adriana had offered to donate an egg when Eddie told her that they were thinking about adding another kid to their mix. After that, the decision was practically made for them.

They lucked out in many ways, having connections to the best surrogacy agencies through their family and friends. Their surrogate, Gillian, was one of the kindest, most genuine people they’d ever met. She’d been upfront about everything with them, this being her second surrogate pregnancy, and as first-timers, Buck and Eddie had been relieved to get personal insight into what the journey would look like.

She hadn’t wanted to stay in daily contact with the intended parents, which was understandable, so they’d worked out a deal with the agency that they would get to attend any medical appointments about the baby, and that if Gillian needed anything, she could call them instantly.

It wasn’t painless, nor easy. There were quite a few moments where they were anxious if the pregnancy even took during the embryo transfer, but the day it did, they must’ve cried all day just reading the text and pouring over the scans and test results. It was terrifying to even let themselves hope before the first trimester was up, but forty excruciatingly long weeks later, here they were.

“We need to name her,” Eddie says, kneeling down by Buck’s knee. The baby had found what seems like a fascination with the black ink on his chest, drowsily resting a tiny hand against it. Eddie reaches a finger out to her other hand, letting all five fingers wrap around it as he leans up to kiss his husband. Just like he thought, they don't wrap the whole way, Eddie's heart clenching at the image.

“We have a list somewhere, don’t we?”

They do. It’s filled with all the names they thought could suit their little family, suit this little person they hadn’t met until just now. Girl names, boy names, unisex names...they’d listed so many that it would be hell to choose from any of them. 

The name that comes to Eddie isn’t on any of the lists.

“Vera,” he says softly, looking at Buck for his reaction. “Truth. Faith.”

It’s that faith that brought them here. All those sleepless nights, fretting because they were too scared that their excitement would jinx everything. The trips to the fertility clinic, holding Adriana’s hand after she donated her egg, the back-and-forth on if they were pregnant to finally passing the first, then the second, then the third trimesters — there had been so many ups and downs. 

There’d been many moments, fleeting as some of them may have been, where they’d wondered if this was meant to be at all. They knew some parents tried for years with no success. Not that they would’ve slammed the door shut on expanding their family if the surrogacy didn’t pan out — adoption and fostering were also options they’d looked into — but surrogacy was where they’d set their heart, after pouring so much into it. 

“Vera,” Buck tests on his tongue, looking down at their daughter. “It’s perfect, Eddie. And...Madelyn. Vera Madelyn Diaz.” Knowing that Maddie’s name wasn’t anything but Maddie, Eddie knows that Buck just put a spin on it to pay homage to the one person who’s gotten him through the worst parts of his life.

As soon as he says it, Vera makes a sound, turning impossibly further into Buck’s skin. It’s not a cry, not quite a laugh either, but it feels like a pretty damn big sign to him.

“Looks like she’s made up her mind. Vera Madelyn Diaz, it is,” Eddie smiles when Buck bends to kiss him again, whispering, “I love you” against his lips.

“Here, take your turn.” Buck stands carefully, moving out of the way so Eddie can take his spot, shedding his shirt as Buck places Vera back in his arms, pulling out his phone to record the memory for the baby book and box they’ve started putting together.

“You think Chris will take some time to adjust now that she’s actually here?” Eddie asks quietly as Buck kneels next him. Initially, the twelve year age gap between their two kids made them nervous, but between Buck’s age gap with Maddie, and Harry’s with May, they were a little more confident about all of it. 

Buck shakes his head, reaching over to grab a baby blanket to drape around them. “Not right now, no, but when the novelty wears off, he might. Just because all the attention can’t be his. I’d be worried if he adjusted too well, to be honest. I'd just keep thinking he's hiding something.”

They’d kept Chris part of the process as much as they could, not wanting him to feel left out or isolated from the pregnancy in any way. The specific mechanics of the whole surrogacy were kept out of their discussion, but Buck and Eddie had taken turns explaining exactly what they were doing, and that it wouldn’t be like his friend’s mom, who was pregnant. 

It had led to more than a few awkward conversations, but Eddie’s glad they had them. Chris wasn’t a kid anymore, and they were fast approaching the years where he’d be curious about literally everything. 

“Okay, dads, do we have a name?” Lily breezes in with a flutter of papers, setting them down on the counter.

“Yeah. Vera Madelyn Diaz,” Buck answers, standing up to fill the birth certificate in. “Hey Eds, I’m spelling Madelyn M-A-D-E-L-Y-N. It looks so much cooler than the usual spelling.”

Eddie laughs, much to Vera’s displeasure, who immediately fusses at the way she’s jostled. He pats her back a couple times immediately, ignoring the rush of panic that shutters through him at the sound of her cry. 

“It’s a gorgeous name, and you two are already naturals over there,” Lily laughs. “I’ve gotta take her for just a couple more tests, and she’s all yours.”

Eddie reluctantly hands Vera over, slipping his shirt back on and turning to look at Buck, the two of them now alone in the small room.

“We did it, Eddie,” Buck whispers, eyes sparkling. Eddie steps closer and wraps him in a hug, breathing in the unique scent of his husband’s skin. 

Eddie has never imagined his life taking the turns that it did, but for it having brought him here, with two perfect kids and a husband he loves with every part of him, he can’t complain. Given the tightness of Buck’s arms around him, he’s thinking along the same lines, too.

“I love you,” Eddie repeats as they pull away, dragging his hands up to Buck’s face. 

“Love you, too,” Buck whispers, pressing a slow kiss onto his mouth. Eddie smiles at his partner, linking their left hands.

Lily comes back in what seems like no time at all, letting them know what time they could take Vera home tomorrow. She assures them that Gillian is doing great, too, and they hand her a letter to give their surrogate.

“I wish we could thank her in person, again,” Buck brings up privately.

“We’ve given her a way to reach us if she wants to be friends, but she’s not new to this. There’s probably a reason she doesn’t want us to see her after the baby’s been given,” Eddie replies. 

They had been in the delivery room with her, holding onto her hands as she pushed, but once Vera had come into the world with a screaming cry, their labor nurse, Edna, had placed the baby on Gillian’s chest.

Having read up on the importance of not taking away the surrogate contact immediately, Buck and Eddie had let themselves be shooed from the room while all the post-birth procedures went underway, not wanting Gillian to be uncomfortable. 

Their found family had been waiting outside the whole time, all of them standing as soon as Buck and Eddie came out.

The pronouncement of them having a girl had led to quite a few tears on everyone’s part, but that was just as much as they got time for before they had to go back for the next stage of the process.

Just like before, they step out together to Christopher’s eager face, surrounded by the rest of their family. 

“We named her Vera,” Buck announces to a bunch of hushed cheers. In a softer voice, directed entirely to Maddie, he says, “Vera Madelyn Diaz.”

Eddie watches as his sister-in-law’s eyes fill with tears. He steps away to let Buck and Maddie have their moment, folding Maddie in his own hug when they’re finished.

“Can I see her?” Christopher asks as Buck hugs him.

“Sure, buddy, as soon as Lily comes back with her. They just had to make sure she’s healthy.”

“Did you do the skin-to-skin contact with her?” Hen asks. 

Eddie nods, gesturing between himself and Buck. “Yeah we both did, she didn’t cry at being passed from one to the other, so the emotional transfer period shouldn’t be too painful. Gillian’s doing great, too.”

As he relays the information, he sends his own mental prayers of thanks, never wanting to take anything for granted. He knows just how lucky they got it, and he never wants to lose sight of that.

“When can we bring her home?” Chris asks, almost vibrating with his excitement.

“Hopefully tomorrow. She has to stay for at least a day,” Buck answers, ruffling his hair. "As soon as the doctors give us the green light, we'll take her."

Before anyone can ask any more questions, Lily comes back out to get them. This time, Buck and Eddie take Christopher into the room with them, having him sit down on the couch while Eddie brings his new baby sister over.

“Vera, meet your big brother, Christopher,” Eddie whispers as he carefully sets her down in Chris’ lap, Buck showing him how to hold her.

“Support her head, buddy, she can’t hold it up herself just yet,” he guides, placing Chris’ hands and arms in the appropriate cradle. Once Buck nods at him, Eddie lets her go.

Christopher whispers to Vera, in a voice too soft for either of them to hear, but enough for Eddie to grab his phone and take a few pictures. “I think my heart is going to explode,” he tells Buck around the lump in his throat.

Buck laughs wetly, tilting their temples together. “It can’t explode, we’ve got a lot of these moments left in life.”

Eddie smiles at him, capturing his lips in another chaste kiss. He’s right — they’ve got a lot of these moments to go. A lot of things that they're still to catalogue for their kids, for their family.

“She doesn’t look like any of us,” Chris observes, running a finger over her hair.

“As she gets older, we’ll be able to see who she looks like,” Eddie tells him. He already knows that their family and friends are outside debating who the baby’s going to look the most like, but those aren’t bets they’re going to get the answer to right now. 

Right now, as much as Eddie hates to say it, but Vera looks like...any other newborn baby. Aside from her hair and eyes, there is nothing else that’s going to distinguish her from the other ones in the nursery.

“Was I this small?”

Eddie barks out a laugh. “No bud, you were a lot bigger than she is.”

“I think there’s a picture of Eddie holding you, Chris, on the day you were born. I found it the other day while we were setting up the nursery.” Buck directs the last part to him. Eddie raises his eyebrows; he didn’t even know there was a picture. He had been way too focused on how much he didn’t want to leave his wife and kid as he held him to notice if anyone had been snapping pictures.

“Let’s take her to meet everyone else quickly, okay? She’s growing tired,” Buck says. Vera blinks blearily at Christopher as he nods at Buck.

Eddie holds the door open as Buck walks outside, barely resisting the urge to tell everyone to get in a straight line and not crowd her.

Luckily enough, Bobby takes charge of it without them saying anything, rounding the peanut gallery up so they don’t overwhelm Vera. 

The introductions go on with a bunch of cooing and squeals and sounds of awes as their daughter is passed around the room. Buck hovers around with his phone, snapping pictures as if he can even see past the tears in his eyes. Not that Eddie’s one to talk, because he doesn’t think he’s happy-cried this much since the day Chris was born. 

On one occasion, Eddie hears Bobby telling Buck how proud of them he is, and on another, Eddie’s parents FaceTime to see their granddaughter. Buck’s parents call to congratulate them too, and they send a picture of Vera over.

They make it through the rest of the night as their family begins to disperse. Once only Christopher is left, Eddie exchanges a look with Buck as they try to decide whether to go home or for one of them to stick around in case Gillian or Vera need them. 

In the end, Lily convinces them to go home. “There are still a few formalities left for you two to complete to be eligible to take her home tomorrow, and you both need to complete them on a clear head. Go home, take Chris, get some rest. They’ll be here in the morning, and God forbid anything happens, we’ll call you immediately.”

She’s right. They would be completely useless here, so Eddie picks up a sleeping Christopher and carries him out to Buck’s Jeep.

“Dad,” Chris mumbles into his shoulder. “Did we bring Vera?”

Eddie strokes a hand down their son’s back as Buck unlocks the door and presses a kiss to Chris’ hair before climbing into the driver’s seat. “Tomorrow, buddy. We can take her home tomorrow.”

Buck’s hand finds its way to Eddie’s thigh as soon as they’re all settled, driving towards home.

“Tomorrow,” he says, a whisper of awe in his voice.

Turns out that they were decidedly not prepared for Vera’s arrival.

“This is ridiculous,” Buck grumbles, tapping nervously on the steering wheel. “We’ve been making lists for every single damn thing for nine months and now we’re running around like headless chickens.”

Eddie rolls his eyes, nervously pressing his fingers together to crack the knuckles, even though he knows it’s a habit that drives Buck crazy. Given how shot their nerves are, he’s not surprised when Buck shoots him a scathing glare, tangling their fingers together.

“At least this way you’ll stop doing that,” he says. Eddie wisely doesn’t mention he’s not going to be able to crack his knuckles so soon after doing it once, instead tightening his grip on his husband’s hand. Who cares that both their palms are sweaty enough that they keep slipping?

Eddie didn’t think he’d be swamped in this stark level of fear at just the mere prospect of taking Vera out of the safety of the hospital into the real world.

It’s not only taking her away from the hospital, where nurses and doctors could correct them if there’s something they’re doing wrong, but also about everything becoming far too real, far too fast. It’s about both of them knowing that no matter how many parenting books they flip through, the practical is a whole other battle that nothing can prepare them for.

Eddie wasn’t there the first time. Chris was home for five days and four sleepless nights before Eddie was shipped back out, pressing kisses over his son’s face, knowing that he wouldn’t be back to see this phase. Another part of him was acutely aware of the high possibility of never making it back to see his wife and son at all.

This time, everything is different.

It’s not different because he’s got a kid and he’s not in the Army anymore. Not once has Eddie thought that Vera is his second chance to make it right, because what he told his father before leaving Texas still stands. He isn’t ever going to make up for those mistakes with anyone but Christopher, and to use another child to make himself feel better is, in his mind, the worst thing in the world a parent could do. 

But that doesn’t change the fact that his palms are sweating, he can taste the dryness in his mouth, and he’s two seconds from shaking out of his skin. It doesn’t change the fact that every bit of medic training, parental advice and knowledge, and his own experience with Christopher have flown straight out the window at just the sight of her.

“I don’t want him to feel like I won’t love him anymore,” Buck says quietly, apropos of nothing. “Or that I’ll love Vera more because there’s the biological link.”

Eddie jolts slightly at the words, looking at his husband. “Why would he think that?”

“He hasn’t said anything to me, but the past couple of weeks, he’s been clinging to me more than usual, as if I’m going to leave.” The words sound like they’ve been pulled from him forcefully, jagged and raw with Buck’s apprehension. “I’m not sure what it is, but I looked it up, and that’s all I found. Think about it, Eds.”

“He didn’t tell me anything, either,” Eddie frowns, peering past the dashboard as if he could see their eldest standing there. “But hey, I’m sure it’s not that. He’s enjoying being the only kid for the last couple days he will be, and now...he’s just not. No matter how much we try to split our time equally, we’re going to end up juggling a lot of things. With Vera, we’re all going to go through an adjustment.”

Eddie knows that this stems from Buck’s insecurities too. He knows that Buck has loved Christopher before he’s loved any other part of the Diaz family, including Eddie. And he knows that part of him doesn’t believe that he deserves to be Christopher’s father in the dark moments. In the same way Eddie’s nerves have hooked claws into his insecurities to wrench them all to the surface, Buck’s have done the same to him, leaving both of them feeling off-kilter.

“I’m scared, too,” he admits. “Even though we’ve known that this was what we were fighting for this whole time, yesterday made it very...real. But that’s our daughter in there, Chris’ little sister. We’re going to bring her home, and then we’ll take it from there.”

“Okay,” Buck says in a determined voice, twisting to kiss him. “Let’s just do this. We’re not gonna get anything done sitting here. It’s you and me, the whole way.”

“Our way, or the highway,” Eddie chokes out, staring at the hospital now that his newfound bravado has melted out his ears. Apparently only one of them can be determined at the same time. He misses Buck’s scrunched nose but he doesn’t miss the fond muttering of “idiot” under his husband’s breath, and glares at him for it.

They leave the car only to U-turn and quickly make sure the car seat is ready for the millionth time. Eddie grabs the baby bag with a pair of clothes for Vera before taking Buck’s hand.

“Ready?” he asks, stealing a kiss before they enter the hospital.

Buck nods and squeezes his hand. “Ready.”

They drive back home in a daze, almost.

The rest of the papers have been signed, Vera is officially theirs, Gillian is doing amazing, but now they’re freaking out more than anything.

Eddie’s driving this time, going nearly ten below the limit to make sure he doesn’t jostle the car seat. Buck’s sitting in the seat next to her to make sure, eyes fixed on their daughter. 

“Eddie if you keep going this slow, we’re going to get pulled over,” Buck comments, gesturing to one of the many police cars they pass. “And none of them are going to be Athena.”

He forces himself to let go of his tighter-than-hell grip on the steering wheel, pushing the gas a little further, much to the relief of everyone who was honking behind him. “Sorry,” he mumbles, flicking his blinker to turn onto their street.

Thankfully, the hospital isn’t far from their house, and they’re back home before they know it. Buck sets the carrier in front of the couch and the two of them lower themselves next to her, staring at their second kid.

Eddie drinks in the sight of Vera for the first time since they’ve left the hospital. They dressed her in an outfit Chris had picked out online, covered her with a blanket and bundled her up to bring her home. She’s still wearing the hospital-issued hat, and she’s one of the most adorable things Eddie has ever seen.

Carla’s going to bring Christopher home in three hours, so that’s three hours of quiet, with Vera sucking on her thumb as she sleeps.

Naturally, she stirs and starts crying as soon as Eddie thinks of the q-word, which absently makes him think that the superstition doesn’t only apply to firehouses. The shrill cry pierces the silence, and for a moment, all Buck and Eddie can do is panic.

As quick as the panic comes, they shove it down just as fast, both of them scrambling to calm her back down. “Oh for God’s sake, we’ve babysat more kids than we know what to do with,” Eddie grumbles, gently pulling Vera out of the carrier while Buck sprints to the kitchen to scrub his hands and prepare a bottle of formula. “We can handle our own kid.”

Eddie stands up and rocks Vera back and forth, patting her back periodically. The crying pierces his eardrums but his mind’s too busy racing for ways to calm her down. 

They changed her diaper right before leaving the hospital so it couldn’t be that. Buck’s working on the hunger, and she just woke up from a nap, so it doesn’t feel like that would be tiredness either.

Before Eddie can jump to more conclusions, Buck comes back with the bottle, testing the temperature on his wrist the way Maddie showed him. 

“Here,” he offers. Eddie sits back down, folding his legs underneath himself to balance Vera properly as he pressed the bottle’s nipple against her mouth. 

Thankfully, she calms down instantly with the food and the tension bleeds out of their shoulders, Buck collapsing with relief next to him. “Thank God,” Eddie mutters, holding the bottle at an angle so she doesn't guzzle down too fast.

“Let me go get the bassinet,” Buck says as he hops back up. “Dibs on burping her!” he calls over his shoulder. Eddie shakes his head at his husband's back but focuses his attention back on Vera.

Buck comes back with the supplies in record time, setting the bassinet in the corner and draping one of the burping cloths over his shoulder. V era finishes suckling on the bottle in record time, blinking her eyes open and giving him a milky smile. Eddie’s eyes widen instantly as he moves to hiss at Buck. “Get the phone, get the phone, she’s smiling!” 

Poor Buck’s flustered enough to nearly lose grip on his phone, but they manage to get at least one picture of her smiling at them that’s not too blurry. They both know that babies don’t actually smile until 6 to 12 weeks, and that she’s just smiling on reflex, but they can’t help themselves from getting excited anyway.

“Okay, I sent it to everyone, and now we’ll probably have a few of them breaking down the doors any second,” Buck peers at his phone, tossing it aside as Eddie hands him Vera.

“All of that for tomorrow. Today’s for us. I hope she’s awake when Chris gets home,” Eddie says, pulling his own phone out to read through the chat. There’s Maddie threatening Buck to stop sending pictures unless they want everyone on their doorstep in the next half an hour, Karen telling them that they have to keep sending pictures, Bobby asking if the bassinet he helped put together was working and Chim wondering how panicked they are.

It’s a perfect playback to the day Grace was born, Chimney losing his shit in the waiting room before Hen finally forced her best friend down beside her, imparting a few words of wisdom that finally got him to sit still for two seconds while Eddie had been doing the same thing to Buck. It was borderline comedic how fast Buck and Chim shot up when the nurse came out asking for the family of Maddie Buckley. 

Gillian’s labor wasn’t as long as Maddie’s had been, and anyway, Maddie had needed a C-section. This time, by the time the rest of their friends and family got to the hospital, Buck and Eddie were inside with Gillian while Karen picked Chris up from school.

“Chim’s question is the only one I’ve got an answer for,” Buck snorts when Eddie shows it to him, shaking his head as he stands with Vera over his shoulder, burping her.

“And that is?”

Eddie watches as his husband turns his cheek to rest on Vera’s temple lightly as he thinks the answer over. Suddenly, his heart is swelling ten times its original size, and it can’t be healthy how quickly the breath gets knocked out of him at the sight.

He takes another picture.

“Terrified,” Buck finally settles on. “Like, what do I know about babies?”

Eddie cocks a brow and looks pointedly at where Vera’s cradled in his hands, safe and sound as she makes little hiccupping noises when Buck pats her back repeatedly. “I’d say a lot.” Buck gives him a deadpan look that Eddie meets with a shrug. “I get it. It’s something we’re both learning, right? No matter what either of us have been through with Chris or Grace or any other kids we know, every kid is different. Especially in the newborn stages.”

“Yeah,” Buck sighs. “You’d think we’d be better prepared with the number of times Maddie and Chimney have dropped Grace off with us.”

“And then texted every twenty minutes to make sure we didn’t destroy her.” 

Vera lets out the burp they were waiting for, wriggling in Buck’s arms as soon as she’s done. Eddie laughs at her antics while Buck adjusts her in his arms until she’s staring up at him instead. It’s oddly endearing to watch his husband, as broad and tall as he is, cradle this tiny infant in his arms.

“You know, I can’t even blame them for that now,” Buck complains, swaying back and forth to rock her to sleep. It doesn’t look like Vera will be awake when Chris gets home, but she’s not going anywhere anymore.

“For texting us every twenty minutes?” Eddie snorts. “Yeah. We’re gonna be the exact same way.”

“If not worse.”

Eddie laughs, getting up to kiss Buck and lean down to press a kiss to Vera’s forehead. “Maybe we shouldn’t let anyone take her at all. Problem solved.”

“Think we’ll make it worse when the cavalry comes for us, on allegations of keeping her away from them.” He’s got a point for sure.

It takes no time at all for Vera to fall asleep on her full stomach, curled and safe as she is in her father’s arms. Eddie steals another picture, ignores Buck’s rolled eyes, and brings out the baby blanket to drape over their daughter as Buck settles her down in the bassinet.

“You think we should swaddle her?” Buck whispers.

“Not when she’s already asleep. Next time,” Eddie replies, looking down at the blanket in his hand. Instead, he tucks it around her securely, scooting back to prop his back against the couch. Buck crawls towards him, settling into his side as they watch Vera sleep.

“Better shoot Carla a message to bring Chris quietly,” he says. 

Eddie does just that, remembering Chris’ excitement over breakfast. “He was over the moon this morning,” he tells Buck. 

“I’m glad that he is, but I’m still going to talk to him about that thing,” Buck replies, gesturing towards Vera. “I love her with every part of me but I love Chris the exact same way. It’s not an exchange and I don’t want him to feel like it is.”

Eddie loves this man with every square inch of himself. 

Too happy for words, he leans forward to kiss Buck languidly, unhurried and trying to press his love into his skin. “Have I told you I love you today?”

Buck laughs, pressing their foreheads together. “Mhm, only about a thousand times, but it can’t hurt to hear it again.”

“I’m convinced I’m the luckiest man in the world,” Eddie says quietly, wrapping his arms tighter around his husband, taking in the sight of Vera sleeping over his shoulder. "I'm so glad I get to do this with you."

“We both are.” Buck smiles.

It only gets better when Chris comes home from school to find Buck and Eddie in the exact same position, Vera still blissfully asleep. Carla’s the one to take a picture of them this time, angled around Vera’s bassinet without disturbing her.

Chris sits down with them as he talks about his day at school and how all the other kids in his class are excited to hear about his baby sister. Buck untangles himself from Eddie to ask Chris to come talk to him for a second, and when they both emerge, Eddie sees that both his boys’ eyes are wet but Chris is smiling a little wider and brighter. Once again, Buck’s hit the jackpot with what their son needs.

“Proud of you,” Eddie tells his husband privately, kissing his cheek. Buck smiles secretly, looking pleased and content with himself.

“Can I take her to school?” Chris asks eagerly as Vera stirs, thankfully falling right back asleep.

Eddie didn’t even know middle schoolers liked babies enough for Chris to want to show her off, but he chuckles and tells him, “I’m not sure she’s old enough for that just yet, bud. She’s going to sleep a lot for now. Maybe when Buck or I come pick you up one of these days, you can bring your friends to see her for a minute.”

The answer pacifies Christopher, who promptly opens his homework book and starts working on it. Eddie walks Carla out and joins his boys back on the couch, he and Buck picking their discussion about work back up.

Leaving Vera to go to work is going to be one of the hardest things they’ve ever done, especially knowing not even Chris will be here with her, but they’ll have to manage. They only have two weeks of paternity leave.

“You know what we should’ve done. You take the first two weeks off, and I take the second. That way one of us is home all month,” Buck suggests.

Eddie shakes his head. “Bobby said that’s not how the paternity leave works, we have to take it within the baby being born or adopted.”

“Stupid regulations,” Buck grumbles, sighing when Eddie wraps an arm around his shoulder. Bobby tried pulling as many strings as he could but it was either 2 weeks paid each right after, or unpaid vacation leave whenever they wanted. After that, as much as Eddie hated it, there was no question. They needed the money.

“It’ll work out,” he tells his husband. “Those are all problems for another day. For now, let’s just enjoy...this.”

He gestures to where Chris is solving math problems on a scrap piece of notebook paper, and Vera sleeping soundly in the background, Buck wrapped tight in Eddie’s arms. Cocooned as they are in their own bubble today, tomorrow’s probably going to bring a whole new set of needles to burst it.

Buck agrees with him by slackening some of the tension out of his shoulders to fit more solidly against Eddie. “Yeah.”

The night passes just like this. Buck orders pizza for them, wrinkling his nose when Eddie and Chris gesture for pineapple. Vera wakes up some time into their second slice of pizza, blinking curiously with eyes too big for her face. Christopher gets the chance to talk to her some more, which leads to more tears from him and Buck, but as soon as he stops talking, Vera starts bawling and this time, it takes nearly an hour to calm her down. 

This time, Eddie sets their sleeping, swaddled daughter into the infant crib in his and Buck’s bedroom to avoid anything waking her up, switching on the baby monitor.

When he and Buck curl up in bed together after checking on Vera, Eddie presses his lips to the side of Buck’s head and keeps them there, so happy that part of him feels like he’ll wake up from it any minute now. 

“It’s not a dream,” Buck whispers, kissing the center of his chest. “We deserve good things too.” Eddie repeats the affirmation out loud, closing his husband in his arms. 

They get up 3 separate times for Vera during the first night alone, but it’s all worth it.

He really is the luckiest man in the world.

[florenceandthemachine]

(my @911giftexchange contribution for @brcttshvghes!!) Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV) Characters: Evan "Buck" Buckley, Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Henrietta "Hen" Wilson, Howie "Chimney" Han, Bobby Nash, Athena Grant Additional Tags: First Kiss, Christmas, Secret Santa, Idiots in Love, Mutual Pining

Last Christmas, Eddie had—as Hen would put it—his ‘oh’ moment.

No, it wasn’t when Buck had thrown himself into action to help some random dad see his daughter sing for Christmas.

No, it wasn’t when Eddie caught Buck trying to sneak extra presents (for he and Christopher both) under the Diaz tree.

No, it wasn’t even when some random elf had complimented Buck on his “beautiful family”.

Eddie’s ‘oh’ moment came when Athena announced that she was saving them all from themselves, when he walked into the firehouse loft and saw his kid standing there, beaming like a megawatt spotlight, smiling not only up at his dad but at Buck; and suddenly things clicked into place. Buck had set all of this up, and sure, it was for the whole house... but it was also for him. Buck had done this all, for him. He had Chris in his arms, he had Buck by his side, and Eddie realized—not for the first time, but for the first time with this level of severity—that this was exactly what he wanted, for the rest of his life.

Forever.

Hence the ‘oh’ moment.

(Hen had suggested calling it his ‘no fucking shit, you clueless moron’ moment instead. Eddie had politely declined.)

--

The ‘oh’ moment was one thing. The ‘oh’ moment was great.

Afterward, though, afterward everything was kind of sucky.

Valentine’s Day was rough. Watching Athena lock up a newlywed couple together, that was fun, sure, but seeing Buck with Ali? That was... literal torture.

--

The tsunami sucked. The bomb sucked.

The lawsuit, that really fucking sucked.

But pulling Buck into his arms underneath some shitty Halloween decorations, being back together again, that... that was almost worth it.

Even if he had to watch Buck bat his eyes at Taylor Kelly a few days later.

--

“Why don’t you just tell him?” Hen had asked the next month, sprawled out over the couch in the loft, idly kicking Eddie’s thigh as he groaned, full of Bobby’s turkey and homemade cranberry sauce.

“And risk it all?” Eddie had asked, long since beyond the point where he wanted to even pretend that he didn’t know what Hen was talking about.

And when Abby reappeared in Buck’s life with a fiancée and two stepchildren, Eddie knew staying quiet was the right idea. He wouldn’t risk it. He couldn’t risk it.

--

“Hey, Eds, hand me another nail?”

So now here he was, almost a year later (“A full year of pining, Eddie, seriously, if you don’t say something by New Year’s—“ “I hate you, Hen.”), staring at Buck’s ass as he struggled to hang another loop of garland haphazardly throughout the station.

After a moment of hesitation, he did as he was asked, sighing as he held up another couple of tacks that Buck could push into the wall. “Why are you even doing all of this, Buck? I don’t know if you noticed, but the station was already decorated.” Eddie said with a hum, leaning back against the wall as he looked up to Buck, not-so-subtly admiring the way Buck’s entire body reacted as he laughed.

“Please, it looked like Pottery Barn threw up in here. We needed something other than stark white garland and red ornaments, Eds.” Buck descended down the step ladder and stepped back to admire his handiwork as Eddie looked around the station—as much as he hated to admit it, Buck was absolutely right. The station had been decorated by what looked like the night crew after one too many cups of coffee; too clean, too pristine, all glittering white garland neatly tacked up to every corner with a giant red bauble tacked at every intersection.

Needless to say, once Buck had gotten through with things, it was... definitely far from a professional looking decor job. Buck had rigged up huge wreaths made of fake garland and bows made out of giant, floppy, silver and gold ribbon, and hung them all over the station.

He had all but stapled his hand to the wall hanging up Christmas lights—the old, slowly blinking type, on the thick green cord, the type where if one light went out they all went out. There were twinkling, colorful lights all over the walls, mounds of fake snow around the staircase, big, fake poinsettias all over the kitchen.

At some point in time, while Hen and Chim were passing time upstairs in the loft and Bobby was stuck in his office doing paperwork, Buck had even rigged up his iPhone to play Christmas carols over the entirety of the station PA system (“Don’t worry, Eddie, calls will still come through and cut out over the alarm,” Buck had assured him, and Eddie was struck, not for the first time, with pride as he realized how much planning Buck really put into things like this).

The station was a mess, honestly. It was a jumbled, disorganized, chaotic explosion of Christmas. The station had gone from Pottery Barn to looking like a Yuletide grenade had gone off.

Eddie loved it.

“There! All finished. Back up, Eddie, I’m coming down.” Eddie blinked as he was jerked back into the present, standing back to admire the latest (and apparently the last) wreath that Buck had woven on the wall, acutely aware of the closeness that he and Buck shared as Buck beamed up at his handiwork.

He managed to look away from Buck’s smile—glowing didn’t even begin to cover it—right as Buck turned to look at him, clearing his throat. “Alright, Buck, what gives? Not that I’m mad about the extra decor you’ve doused the place with, but this is even bigger than what we did last year. There another surprise party that I’m supposed to be aware of?” Eddie asked, smiling as Buck threw his head back and laughed.

“No, no, nothing like that,” Buck started, looking over his shoulder as he folded up the ladder, heading back through the gym to the utility closet. “We’re still on for Christmas dinner at the station with everyone’s family, and unless Hen or Bobby has something else planned—because let’s face it, Chim would forget it was Christmas all in all if Maddie didn’t remind him—that’s all that we’re doing as a station. I just figured we needed as much holly-jolly as we could this year.”

His words were innocent enough, but Eddie had known Buck for years now, and the last year had been spent watching Buck a little more… closely than usual. So he knew that Buck’s innocent smile was just a shade on the wrong side of sneaky, how his words were carefully chosen so he wouldn’t be technically lying. Buck was smart—seriously, Eddie didn’t understand how people always forgot that—and they were the kind of things that Eddie would have missed if he wasn’t so… invested.

Sure. Invested. That was the right way to think about it.

“Hey, Eds,” and damn, a nickname shouldn’t bring him that much joy, “can you open the closet up for me?” Buck asked, the smile on his face seemingly innocent as Eddie rose a brow, stepping around him and just taking the ladder from his hands, pushing the door open behind him, not missing the look of surprise on Buck’s face.

“Wait, Eddie—no, I can—“

“Buck, it’s a step ladder, it’s no big deal. Did you take anything else out of the closet, or was it just this?”

“Well no, but it’s just that—“

Before Buck could continue his protest, the Christmas carols died out throughout the station, the siren blaring in its place, and for a split second, Buck looked absolutely crushed, which was weirder than anything else Eddie had witnessed that morning, because Buck loved going out on calls.

The moment was gone in a heartbeat, but it still made Eddie’s mind reel as they darted off to their lockers to suit up, mind racing with questions as Buck was all laughs with Hen as Chim got behind the wheel.

Something was up, and Eddie was going to find out what… even if the day had other plans.

--

There were two ways that shifts around the holidays were destined to go. Either the 118 would be dead quiet, or the crew would be completely dead on their feet.

Unfortunately, today seemed like it would be the latter.

No sooner than they had been cleared from their first call of the day did another roll in, and then another, and then another, to the point where the only time that Eddie had to text his kid was between calls, and the 118 was probably trapped in their turnout gear for a good five hours without a single break.

Buck, to the surprise of absolutely no one, only grew more and more alive with every save—he had an absolute knack for riding the rush that came with the job, and by the time they finally pulled back into the 118, Buck and Eddie couldn’t have been in a more different place in their lives.

“Alright, six calls in five hours. I think I’ve earned a fucking nap.” Eddie grumbled as he slid out of his designated spot next to Buck in the ladder truck, barely even waiting to get to the rack on the wall before he started pulling his turnout gear off, impatiently tugging at his sleeves and kicking his boots off before he bothered to even loosen anything.

While the sound of Buck’s laugh behind him certainly raised his spirit, he still pouted as Buck sauntered up beside him, easily removing his own jacket and boots and hanging them up with a certain sense of maturity that Eddie couldn’t muster at the moment. “Come on Eddie, a nap? Did you turn fifty while I wasn’t looking?” Buck asked, the teasing tone of his voice bringing a smile to Eddie’s face as he shoved Buck’s shoulder playfully.

“Just because you can keep up with Chris’ special blend of all night holiday nonsense doesn’t mean we all can, Buck.” Eddie started, rolling his shoulder as he hung his turnout coat back up. “Right now, he’s probably running Carla through literally every last strip mall in the state, trying to find a perfect present for our Buck, and… uh.” Eddie cut himself off, far too late, cheeks pinking up as he clamped his jaw shut.

He feared the worst for a moment when Buck looked at him with stars in his eyes, thinking that his slip hadn’t gone unnoticed, and he had to work to hide his sigh of relief when Buck grinned. “He’s getting me a gift? I mean, I know he doesn’t have to, and you know he doesn’t have to, but… fuck, Eds, I’m all excited now. Okay. Forget it. Anyway, come on. I want to completely obliterate you in Mario Kart.”

Eddie sighed softly, his smile big and dopey on his face as Buck got himself all excited, shaking his head as he kicked off his boots, finally leaving his gear behind. “Buck, if you think I’m going to add insult to injury and let you completely wipe the floor with me, you’re sorely mistaken.”

“Fine, then you don’t have to play. You can just hang around and bask in my awesome.” Buck said, his effort at being nonchalant almost going over Eddie’s head, just barely catching the sidelong glance that Buck shot him while he was re-lacing his work boots.

He narrowed his eyes for a moment as he watched Buck’s shoulders tighten, sighing as he shook his head. “Fine, but you better fucking dazzle me, Buckley.” he said as he started walking to the tiny corner of the bay they had set up as a miniature rec area (a fancy word for three couches and a big-ass television, courtesy of Chim’s baby brother), but not before he saw the abject joy that bloomed over Buck’s face.

As much as he wanted to believe that that much joy could simply come from Buck getting to spend time on a couch with Eddie, he had a sneaking suspicion, much as he did earlier, that something else was up.

“Who knows, maybe you’ll learn something by osmosis, and actually stand a chance against your kid the next time he—“

Buck was cut off by a bang as the firehouse door hit the wall, a panicked cry pulling Buck and Eddie’s attention as they both automatically started to move.

“Help! Please, please I need help, I don’t think she’s breathing!”

Eddie and Buck were both immediately moving, Chim and Bobby close on their trail as they came down the stairs from the loft, Hen already opening the back of the ambulance and yanking out one of her bags.

Eddie slowed himself down as he reached forward to take the body of a young girl from her clearly distraught mother, Buck already a step ahead of him as he put a braceboard down on the ground, placing her too-small body down on it.

(Eddie still hated situations that involved kids.)

The little girl was conscious, but only barely, wheezing along as Eddie laid her down, taking her pulse instinctively as he gave her a simple once over. “Signs of angioedema, breathing is shallow, pupils are tight, plenty of hives across the neck and chest. Ma’am, does she have any allergies, any—”

“No! I mean, I don’t think so, we tried a new recipe for our christmas cookies this year… uh, almond, maybe? I don’t know!”

“Okay, we’re gonna give her some epinephrine, you need to look into an epi-pen, Buck?”

Buck nodded, grabbing a pen from the ambulance, pressing it against the thickest part of her thigh (she was so tiny, Jesus) and plunging the needle into her skin. “Alright, now, we’re going to take her to the hospital, so hop in the ambulance—” Bobby started, nodding to the vehicle as Hen and Chim jumped into the drivers cab, “—and you can ride with or follow along, whatever you want.”

Eddie and Buck had the gurney popped up in a heartbeat, wheeling it in the back of the rig as mother and daughter were loaded up, doors slamming behind the pair of them as Hen practically burned rubber.

Eddie felt his heart rate start to slow back down to a regular, human level as the ambulance tore out of the bay, and even he couldn’t keep the small smile on his face as he turned back to Buck, expecting the expression to be mirrored on his partner’s face.

So, you could imagine his surprise when Buck just looked… tired.

“Buck? You good? You still wanna get a round of the… uh… whatever?”

He rose a brow as Buck hitched his smile back on, giving a half shrug as he shook his head. “Nah, Eddie, it’s good. I’m gonna get started on Bobby’s chore list.”

With that, he started up the stairs to the kitchen, and Eddie was left in the metaphorical dust, staring up to Buck’s retreating backside as he was left alone on the main floor of the 118.

The fuck was going on?

--

buck fifty: why do i have to clean the kitchen if bobby and athena are just going to be cooking in an hour anyway

sent: Because, Buck, normal people clean the areas where they’re going to be preparing food.

buck fifty: miss me with that logic i havent had food poisoning in weeks dont @ me bro

Eddie let out a breathy bark of a laugh as he pushed up on the leg press again, his back drenched in sweat as he read over Buck’s reply. As much as he hated doing anything even remotely close to leg day, he figured that now was the time to work it out—a workout did better than a nap to help him wind down from back-to-back calls (and a near poisoning, Hen and Chim weren’t even back from the hospital yet), but it was a great way to keep his hands free so he could text Buck.

It was kind of sad, honestly, how many decisions that he made in his day to day life that were focused on Buck.

Today, though, the mission was a little more ‘what the fuck is up with Buck’ than it was anything else—Buck was a weird dude, sure, but he was acting jumpy and weird all fucking day today. Even in the moments when they were out on call, and Buck was in the zone, he still felt a little… off.

It was like there was a fucking satellite delay between them, and there had been all day. Eddie usually prided himself on being able to read a room, but today, it was like Buck was intentionally throwing walls his way.

Not that he was that attuned to Buck’s everyday emotions and mood, anyway. Nope. Definitely not.

…

fuck.

sent: Why don’t you come down here and do a few reps with me? Burn off some of that energy.

sent: Oh, wait, that isn’t an option for you yet. How sad.

buck fifty: look its not my fault that you happened to finish your chores earlier and i didnt

sent: …Buck, that is 100% your own fault. Are you good today? You’re weirding me out.

“Hello, 118! Did someone order a chef?” Eddie looked up as he heard Athena’s voice echo throughout the station, a smile on his face as he waved over to her. He loved the way that she had fit together with the station so well, and how she and Bobby got along as well as they did (even if he felt like he had to pay for it whenever Hen shot him a knowing look, less and less subtle with each passing day… okay, month), but he loved even more that she usually brought food, especially now, in what Eddie sincerely hoped would be a new tradition — Christmas dinner with his work family.

Make no mistake, Bobby’s cooking was phenomenal, but there was something about Athena’s family style everything that settled right in Eddie’s soul.

Maybe it was because she had the uncanny knack at seeing through his bullshit and calling him on anything and everything that he tried to pull when she was around, in a way that was both kind and hilariously firm.

Or maybe it was because she actually understood how to make a decent tex-mex meal.

Either way.

“Eddie, where’s our boys?”

Eddie looked up as Athena closed the distance to his machine in the gym, smiling as he did another rep. “Hey Athena. Buck’s cleaning up the kitchen, getting ready for you and Bobby.” he said easily, his legs giving a little wobble as he realized what he had said, eyes snapping to her easily. “Uh, I mean—“

“Diaz, please, we both know that was who I was talking about.” Athena said, cutting him off before he could answer, the knowing smile on her face making Eddie wish the ground would open him up and swallow him whole, but apparently LA was fresh out of earthquakes for the moment. Thankfully, Athena took some pity on him, keeping the conversation moving easily as she looked around the station. “I see he got a hold of the decorations. Good, the place looked too… clean before.” she said, and Eddie laughed even as his face flushed red, swinging his legs off the machine, the familiar burn in his thighs anchoring him in the moment. “Yeah, it really did. Buck said it looked like a Pottery Barn threw up.”

Eddie shook his head as Athena laughed, that same smile on her face again, but it was different now—easy, familiar, like she was seeing the answer to a puzzle that Eddie only had half the pieces to. “He’s a good man, Eddie. Both of you are. It’s just such a shame neither of you would know what healthy communication was if it bit you in the ass.” She said, shaking her head dramatically as she started up the stairs, leaving a completely baffled Eddie to grab his phone off of the machine as it buzzed again.

What the hell was she talking about? He and Buck communicated all the time.

buck fifty: ok now you have to help me

buck fifty: if athena and bobby are going to be in the kitchen together im going to wind up drowning in mushy

sent: How is that my problem? And don’t think you got by avoiding my other question.

buck fifty: eddie plz

sent: Use your words, Buck.

buck fifty: u gotta get up here and save me

sent: Have you cleaned out the oven yet?

buck fifty: ………

buck fifty: save me by helping me clean the oven

Okay, Eddie may have already lost the fight, but—

buck fifty: pleeeeeeeeeease

—but that didn’t mean he had to admit how wrapped around Buck’s pinky he was. He could still whine about it, he could still complain about it, he could still bring this up the next time he and Buck argued about who’s turn it was to go and answer the door when they ordered takeout. Cleaning the oven, that was absolutely something he could hold over Buck forever.

He made a quick detour to the locker room to change out of his gym clothes as he heard Athena greet the boys upstairs, his own smile begrudgingly pasted on as he remembered what Athena had said.

His boy. She had called Buck his boy.

It was… well, it was nice to dream.

He was basically floating on air as he made his way up the stairs, to the point where he almost walked straight until Bobby’s chest from where he stood at the top of the stairs. He let out a very masculine noise as he jumped back, nearly dropping his phone as Bobby clucked his tongue.

“Nope, Eddie, you know the rules. You and your black thumb need to stay far from the kitchen while we’re cooking.”

Eddie tried to sputter out a protest even as Athena laughed from her position near the fridge, unloading what looked like an actual mountain of groceries. “Come on Bobby, I’m sure he can’t be that bad—“

“He’s burned pasta, Athena.”

“That was one time!”

Eddie felt his face heat up as Buck immediately came to his defense, equal parts pleased and perturbed, as Bobby shook his head. “Not taking that chance, kid. Especially not while Athena is armed with two whole hams. Come on, go downstairs, shower up, and then we can find a way for you to help get ready for dinner that keeps you far away from the kitchen.”

“Cmon, Bobby—“

“Buck, you can clean the oven on your own. Now let’s go, we all got work to do.”

Eddie felt his mouth snap shut as Bobby dismissed him—not unkindly, nothing that Eddie hadn’t heard before, but the way that Buck was looking over at them was nothing short of tragic. He hadn’t seen Buck look that defeated since their run in at the grocery store in the midst of the lawsuit-that-they-didn’t-talk-about-seriously-Buck-we-both-apologized-it’s-fine.

Eddie’s brain continued to churn as he showered, nearly drowning himself beneath the scalding hot water as he tried to understand what the fuck was going on.

Buck had been acting weird. Which, honestly, wasn’t that unusual for Buck. Buck was a good man. He had his heart on his sleeve, like, constantly. He was happy when he was happy, he was sad when he was sad, and there was no hiding it when he was down.

And now, somehow, Eddie was bringing him down.

Or… when Eddie really thought about it, the lack of Eddie was bringing him down…

Eddie didn’t get to spend time with Buck, and Buck looked like someone had just stamped out his dreams.

And that… that was interesting.

The last piece of the puzzle finally sank into place as he toweled off his hair and stepped out of the locker room, right in time to hear Athena’s laugh ring through the station. He looked up to the loft in time to see Bobby dipping her into a kiss, but that wasn’t where his eyes focused—no, they were instead focusing on something red and green. Something red and green and small and something that was definitely not there before Buck started his redecorations this morning, hanging in front of the oven.

The oven that he was supposed to help Buck clean.

Eddie felt his eyes narrow as he looked around the station, trying to retrace his steps throughout the station from the moment he walked in that morning. The utility closet… the recreation area… and back to the kitchen again.

He felt a small smile, in spite of himself, spread across his face, something dangerously close to hope blooming in his chest. Fate seemed to smile on him as Hen and Chim pulled back into the firehouse bay, and he took the opportunity to smack Hen’s arm as she walked past him.

“Ow, Eddie, what the f—“

“I’m gonna risk it, Hen.” Eddie said, effectively cutting her off, knowing that she would pick up on what he meant immediately. “But I need some help. You got a minute?”

--

“Buckaroo, will you take these plates down to the table? Here, bring Eddie some silverware.”

“Yeah, no problem Chim.”

Eddie elbowed Hen away from him as Buck started down the stairs, trying his best to act like he was doing anything but listening up the stairs. He and Hen had been busy setting up the table (and a few other things) while Chim was assigned on running interference upstairs, which turned out to be the easiest job of all while Buck… well, while Buck moped.

Eddie hated Buck moping. Almost as much as he hated how cute he thought it was, now that he knew what Buck was up to.

Or, at least, he thought he knew what Buck was up to. He was still painfully aware of how wrong this could all go—maybe it was the magic of the season, maybe it was a year in the making, maybe it was Hen egging him on, but Eddie…

Eddie actually felt like he could do this.

Even if it meant that he had to play completely oblivious in the meantime.

“Alright, Buck,” Eddie started, taking the stack of plates out of Buck’s hand, somehow fighting the smile as Buck handed them over, “what’s wrong? You’ve been acting weird all day.”

Buck grumbled as he tugged at the corner of the table cloth, straightening out a few placemats as he shrugged. “Nothing, Eds, I’m fine. Just a weird day, I guess. Dinner should be good, though!” Buck said, hiking a smile up onto his face. Eddie did his best to hide a little laugh as he nodded to Hen, who had slipped into the cab of the ladder truck.

“Buck, come on. I’ve known you for years, you’re not fine. Weird, yes. Fine, no.”

Buck stuck out his tongue as he started to dole out forks and knives, the little lighthearted gesture doing something to ease the worry that Eddie felt at the base of his spine, but he could still see the tension coiled through his best friends shoulders.

“Seriously, Buck, I—“

“It’s fine, Eddie! I just…” Buck’s shoulder slumped as he started to deflate, the harsh tone of his voice giving way as his face flushed. Setting the last fork down, he started to pace in earnest, speaking with his hands as much as he was with his voice. “I just had a certain thought about how things might go this year, and fate, or destiny, or whatever, has made it very clear that’s not going to be how it goes. I dunno, I thought I could make things… different, or special or whatever?” he started, and Eddie seriously had to swallow the words that were threatening to spill over his lips.

Buck wanted to make things special. Buck wanted to make things special. For him. Like Buck didn’t do that kind of thing every day simply by existing.

“Anyway, it doesn’t matter, you don’t have to worry about it.” Buck sighed as he put the last fork down and started pacing at the head of the table, and Eddie had to make sure his voice wasn’t going to waver when he spoke again.

“It still can be special, Buck—“

“Eds, it’s whatever. It was stupid anyway.”

“Buck.”

“No, Eddie, it’s okay, I shouldn’t have—“

“Buck. Stop. Breathe.”

Eddie grabbed both of Buck’s shoulders to stop him from pacing, raising his eyebrows as Buck finally made eye contact with him.

“Are you breathing? Okay. Great. Good. Now look up.”

“Eds, what are you talking about?”

“Buck, for the love of God, listen to me for once in your life and just look up.”

Eddie took a moment to savor the complete confusion written on Buck’s face as he finally comprehended what Eddie was asking (with a murmured complaint of “I always listen to you”), and Eddie let his eyes lock on to Buck’s face. Mostly because he wanted to see Buck’s reaction, but partially because he was afraid of what said reaction would be. Even if Buck was seeing the mistletoe above them for the first time, that Eddie had painstakingly tied to the top rung of the ladder that Hen had extended over the table from the truck, this was the moment of truth—and Eddie already knew what was up there.

Besides, Buck was a much better view than some green garnish.

“That’s, uhm.” Buck started, and Eddie finally gave up trying to keep the smile off his face. “That’s mistletoe.”

Eddie hummed thoughtfully as Buck looked back to him, “It is. I pulled some from the kitchen, found a sprig near the rec room, one from the utility closet…”

Buck actually had the decency to look surprised as he looked back to Eddie, literal stars in his eyes. “And you… put them together. And tied them to the ladder, and… got me to stand under it with you.” Buck continued, slowly, and Eddie gave a little chuckle as he nodded his head, taking a step closer. “I did. I mean, unless I’m misreading this entire situation, in which case I have no idea what you’re talking about, and if that’s the case, I’m going to go dig a hole out back and throw myself—mmhph.”

Eddie was more thankful than anything when Buck took the step forward to close the distance between them before he could start rambling, one hand on Eddie’s jaw to tilt it up (god he loved that Buck was taller than he was), the other warm and heavy on his hip (god, he loved Buck’s strong hands), lips slotting together with an ease that Eddie had never experienced with a first kiss before (god, he loved kissing Buck).

He also loved Hen and Chim, because no sooner did Chim hit the switch near the bay doors to dim the lights around the ladder truck did Hen manage to restart Buck’s Christmas playlist, Irving Berlin’s voice crooning about a white Christmas over the station speakers as Eddie’s arms wrapped around Buck’s neck.

When they finally pulled back to breathe, Eddie found himself tiptoeing up to chase Buck’s lips, his face flushing bright red afterward when he realized what he had done. They both started laughing as Buck’s hands dropped down to Eddie’s waist, Eddie following suit and letting his hands rest on Buck’s shoulders, fitting together in a way that Eddie had only imagined.

“So… I guess the mistletoe worked out for you in the end.” Eddie said with a smile, and Buck laughed, shaking his head, that beautiful ruddy color staining his cheeks again. “Eds, I, uh… I’ve kind of been working up the courage to do something like this for weeks.” He said sheepishly, and Eddie couldn’t help but laugh, smacking Buck’s shoulder.

“Weeks? To think, you still had months to go before you were anywhere close to my level.” Eddie said as he pulled away, sighing as he smoothed over Buck’s collar, a smile on his face as he turned and left a stunned Buck in his wake.

“Wait, Eddie, what?”

Eddie shook his head as he walked back into the locker room, Buck following suit shortly after.

“Eds, no, wait! How long did I pine without needing to?? Eddie!!”

[signsofsam]

9-1-1 Week, Day Five: Your Light, It Follows Me in Darkness

“Daddy says sometimes crying is the only thing that helps,” Chris says, patting Buck’s arm. “I can give you a hug, if you want? Daddy also says I give special, cry-helping hugs.” 

And oh god, something twists in Eddie’s heart as Buck nods, sniffling as Chris’ arms squeeze around the man’s broad shoulders, his small hand rubbing Buck’s back, just like his dad does when he isn’t feeling well. Chris figures it always makes him feel better, and he wants Buck to feel better, too, so he also whispers his dad’s magic words: “You’re gonna be okay, kid. Just cry it out; I’ll be here when you need me.”

Prompt: “It’s okay, you can cry” + comfort

AO3 Link Here

Continuation of Day 3′s story

Title is from Like a River Runs by Bleachers, though I have the Sia version of the song in my head.

Translations according to Google Translate (if it’s wrong, let me know and I’ll fix!)

Deja de ser un cobarde-Stop being a coward

Consíguelo-Get it together.

.

.

.

Eddie hangs out in the hallway outside Buck’s hospital room for longer than he should, pacing back and forth, just trying to figure out what exactly he’s supposed to say to his highschool boyfriend that isn’t blabbing out “I still love you.” They’ve both grown up, changed, and Eddie has some major baggage in the form of a son and a dead ex-wife and Buck...well, Buck’s been gone for seven years.

So yeah, they’ve both changed, and maybe they’ve grown apart? They’ve probably grown apart, because they're different people than they were in high school, right?

But all Eddie can think about is how his heart started hammering in his chest when he saw Buck’s Jeep in the ditch, memories creeping into his head, of spending the summers after his sophomore and junior year in that Jeep, cruising around town and finding new spots to make out, heady nights where he and Buck used the back to figure out where the limits between making out and going all the way blurred. Memories of Buck driving him to school, kissing sweetly in the parking lot, of Buck handing him his baseball stuff in the spring, and of one epic fight the night after graduation, when Buck told him he was leaving.

And then Eddie left, too, signed up for the Army to do something with his life.

Then came Shannon, and then Chris, and both of them trying to make their hasty marriage and small family work until it didn’t and Eddie ran away, back to Afghanistan.

And then came the incident in the desert that earned him his Silver Star, a medical discharge, a few scars, a roaring case of PTSD, and his wife abandoning him and their disabled child.

But, for all her faults, Shannon leaving (and her death a few months later) was the kick in the butt he needed to piece his life back together. He got himself into therapy, took Abuela’s offer for a place to stay and help with Chris, and found his way back to Bobby.He’d become a firefighter, and he was pretty damn good at his job. He made a life he was mostly proud of back in LA.

But still no Buck, until last night, that fateful night.

Maybe it’s a sign?

If only he would walk into the hospital room and see.

“Deja de ser un cobarde,” he mutters, hands sliding through his hair, tightening in it in frustration. “Consíguelo, Edmundo.”

Finally, after another deep breath in and out to calm his nerves before they get the better of him yet again, he steps into the room. Buck’s asleep, and all the build-up Eddie’s gone through to get to this point now feels a little ridiculous, but Bobby smiles at him, stuffing a bookmark in the book he was reading. “He’s still sleeping off all the drugs from surgery and his concussion, so he’s been in and out all day.”

“How is he?”

“It’s gonna be a long road, but the doc’s pretty hopeful he’ll make a full recovery. You want to sit with him?” When Eddie blinks, frowning, Bobby stands. “I need to take a walk and get some coffee and call Athena anyway; you’d really be doing me a favor.”

“Only if I’m not disturbing you.” He sinks into the chair, and Bobby smiles at him again, glancing back at Buck. “Do I-if he wakes?”

“He can have the ice chips. It’s taking him a few minutes to really figure out where he is, so just give him a little time.” Bobby pats Buck’s shoulder, keeping away from the cast, and then squeezes Eddie’s shoulder as he turns to leave. “I’m really glad you’re here, Eddie. He’s going to be really glad you’re here.”

“Yeah, I hope so.”

And then Bobby leaves, and it’s just Eddie and Buck, and Eddie...he can’t sit here and wait.

The silence is overwhelming.

“I don’t really know what I’m doing here, Buck. We-we’ve been apart a long time, and there were so many days that I just wanted to call, to talk to you. I wanted to call you when Shannon told me she was pregnant, and when Chris...he has cerebral palsy, but Buck? He’s this amazing little human that came from some part of me that is just good and wholesome and he thinks the entire world is his sandbox and I love him for it. He’s a godsend, he really is.”

And from there, it gets easier. Eddie talks about his parents, about the struggle to keep Chris, to make them see that he could be a good parent, about how Abuela was a saint and how he’d finally found something he loved nearly as much as he loved being a soldier. He gets so lost in the mindless babble that he jumps when Buck whispers, “you’re here.”

He’s blinking owlishly at Eddie, and Eddie smiles at him, gently carding his fingers through Buck’s hair. “Hey, you.” 

“I...I left you. I….I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to think about that right now, Buck. You’re hurt; you just need to think about getting better.”

“But you...you aren’t going? You’ll...you’ll be here.”

“Yeah, Buck, I’ll be here.”

--//--//--

“So...so you knew Buck in high school?” 

“You know how daddy likes boys and girls?” Chris nods, his eyebrows furrowing as he looks up at his dad. They’re making their slow way down the hallway of the hospital. “Well, in high school I really liked Buck, but he was also my best friend.”

“But I’ve never met him?”

“We haven’t spoken in awhile. He had things he had to do, on his own. But that doesn’t mean that he’s not an important person to me. And I want you to meet him because he’s pretty amazing.”

“Did you love him before you loved Mommy?”

“I was a teenager, so I don’t know if it was exactly love, but...yes, he was the person I cared about most before I met your mom, before you came along to take that crown.” Chris grins up at him, before focusing on his walking; the best thing about LA is the amount of highly qualified therapists that he’s found for Chris, ensuring his son has the best advantages for learning to cope with his disability. Walking with the help of his crutches was one of the many things they’d been working on, and though sometimes he wobbled just a bit, his son was an absolute champ who insisted that he could do it by himself, he could walk on his own, he didn’t need anyone’s help up Abuela’s not-so-steep front porch step. I got it, Dad seems to be his favorite words at the moment.

God, Eddie loves his kid more than words could express.

They get to Buck’s room and the door is open, and Eddie can hear Bobby and Buck talking inside, though it may be edging closer to an argument. He knocks on the door, and both of them jump; they’re both clearly irritated, and Buck’s eyes seem to be brimming in tears. “I didn’t mean to interrupt, but-”

“I need to take a walk anyway,” Bobby cuts in, pushing himself out of his seat. After a moment, he reaches out to squeeze Buck’s forearm. “Just think about it, okay? That’s all I ask.” He smiles wearily at Eddie as he takes off. 

“I don’t have to stay if-”

“No, please, I don’t want to be alone right now. I just...it’s been a long time, and I’ve changed, and everyone else has changed, and I don’t know if Bobby and I can find our way back after everything.”

“Well, I have someone for you to meet, if you’re feeling up to it?” Buck tilts his head, eyebrow arching, curiosity outweighing the sadness for the moment. Eddie smiles as he helps Chris shuffle into the room; Buck’s watching his son with wonder, like he hadn’t quite believed when Eddie told him. “So, Buck, meet Chris. Chris, meet my good friend, Buck.”

“You said he was your best friend, Dad,” Chris corrects him, as he motions for his dad to pick him up. Eddie waits for Buck’s nod before he hauls his son onto the bed, taking Chris’ crutches and setting them at the side. “And if you’re Dad’s best friend, then we have to be friends too, Bucky.” He offers his hand out to Buck, and Eddie can see Buck’s lip wobble as he takes Chris’ small hand as gently as he can, shaking it. “It’s nice to meet you, Buck.”

“It’s very nice to meet you, too, Christopher. Your dad’s told me a lot about you these past few days.” 

And dang, seeing his son with...whatever Buck is, his friend? his former lover? his first love? (friend. Eddie is sure that Buck is still his friend.) brings Eddie such joy, his past and his present colliding and maybe (hopefully) molding his future with both of them, together. Chris is talking softly, taking Buck’s whole attention, so Eddie steps out to quickly grab Chris a juice and track down a red jello for Buck. It’s maybe five or six minutes, but when he steps back through the doorway, Buck’s got tears streaming down his face, shaky breaths coming out, and his son, his beautiful, amazing, wonderful son, is talking.

 “It’s okay, you can cry. Daddy says sometimes crying is the only thing that helps,” Chris says, patting Buck’s arm. “I can give you a hug, if you want? Daddy also says I give special, cry-helping hugs.” 

And oh god, something twists in Eddie’s heart as Buck nods, sniffling as Chris’ arms squeeze around the man’s broad shoulders, his small hand rubbing Buck’s back, just like his dad does when he isn’t feeling well. Chris figures it always makes him feel better, and he wants Buck to feel better, too, so he also whispers his dad’s magic words: “You’re gonna be okay, kid. Just cry it out; I’ll be here when you need me.”

He steps back out of the doorway, giving them a few moments in this moment for them together, until he hears Chris say something, too soft for Eddie to understand, but it makes Buck laugh. 

That’s perfect timing.

Buck smiles brightly at him, still a bit red-eyed. “Thank you for coming. And thank you for bringing him, Eddie. I...I really appreciate it.” He turns his smile to Chris. “I appreciate you. I was feeling a little down in the dumps, and you made it all better. You really do give special, cry-helping hugs. You’re like a real-life Superman.”

It takes time; their problems don’t just get solved in a day, a week, even a month, despite Chris’ cry-helping hugs that he gives out frequently. There’s a rough night about two months after the hospital when Buck shows up, saying he needs his Superman, and Eddie lets him in with no comment, and let’s Buck help with Chris’ nighttime routine, and watches as Chris squeezes Buck tight just before he goes to bed. They themselves has an argument three months in, about high school, and why Buck left, and why didn’t you fucking come back? Eddie shouts as Buck leaves, following it up with a snappy that’s right; run away from all the people who care about you once again! They fight, and make up, and Buck builds his life in LA once again. He’s looking into college classes, or maybe even the fire academy (“Bobby told me he’s proud of me no matter what; I haven’t had anyone tell me they were proud of my life decisions since I was eighteen,” Buck tells Eddie one late night, well after Chris has gone to bed and they’re both nursing a single beer).

It’s six months later, when they’re out at the park and Buck and Eddie are still dancing around each other in the flirty will they, won’t they dance they’ve been doing for months, Chris will roll his eyes and mutter, “why don’t you just kiss already?”

They’ll both blush, but Buck’s eyes will be glittering with amusement as he answers, “well, not only do you have the best cry-helping hugs, but you also have all the bright ideas, Superman,” and pulls Eddie into a second first kiss.

[letsjustkeepitbetweenyouandi]

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Buddie Recs For You

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Don't Take My Sunshine Away

Eddie is in a coma, and Buck blames himself. He should've been there to protect Eddie. The least he can do now is to be there for Christopher, even if Buck doesn't know if he has it in him to be a parent without Eddie. Buck makes Eddie a deal: he'll fight for Christopher in the real world, while Eddie fights to wake up.

Eddie's come a long way since those bleak days in El Paso, listening to his parents comments about how he's not fit to be a father. How Christopher doesn't deserve to be dragged down by the likes of Eddie and Shannon. Eddie thought after moving to LA, he and Chris had escaped that. When he wakes up and finds Buck neck-deep in a legal battle with his parents for custody of Christopher, Eddie must face his own mistakes, and find the confidence to stand up for himself against his absolute worst nightmare.

113k  -  21/21 Chapters

-

Leading with the Left

When Buck said he was a "bartender" in "South America" what he actually meant was "stripper" in "Mexico."

And when Eddie said, "What's your problem?" what he actually meant was, "Is this about the time you gave me a lap dance?"

In other words, there's a few things the 118 doesn't know about Buck. Or Eddie. Or Buck and Eddie's relationship.

84k - 18/18 Chapters

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Six Different Ways To Mark Your Territory

Or "5 times Eddie was a possessive bastard, and Buck (being the oblivious puppy he is) didn't notice. And the one time he couldn’t help but notice."

5k - 6/6 Chapters

-

Tread Lightly

Healing after a truck bombing, breakup, pulmonary embolism, tsunami and lawsuit is a slow process when you're afraid to talk to your team when it feels like the world is crumbling in on you. Finding your way out of the crippling darkness is a lonely process when you're afraid you'll get benched again for something beyond your control. Learning to love again is a terrifying process when you're not sure your best friend will ever truly forgive you.

151k - 36/36 Chapters

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Accidental

It was an accident. He slipped. That doesn't mean he isn't going to take advantage of the opportunity that presents itself.

---- Post Lawsuit, Buck accidentally cuts his arm. He decides that maybe not getting help is best for everyone.

--- TW for suicidal idealization and injury that turns into a suicide attempt.

36k - 14/14 Chapters

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Left Unsaid

A woman shows up at the station with a picture of Buck on her phone.

It goes better than last time.

OR

The discovery of a small facebook group full of tsunami survivors rocks station 118.

33k - 7/7 Chapters

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If The World Was Ending

Eddie doesn't realise how badly he's destroyed his friendship with Buck until his former partner has swapped stations, changed phone numbers, and moved homes without warning. It's nearly impossible to track Buck down and it's clear that Chris is suffering too. After Eddie is injured on the job, he has to start piecing together the broken pieces of who he is with the help of family and friends. Under those sorts of circumstances, a chance to repair his fragile friendship with Buck might be possible - but it won't be easy when Buck has a new boyfriend.

121k - 25/25 Chapters

Commentary: Right, I've read this one before, and I have conflicted feelings about it... the writing is really good, but well, they deal with Eddie getting amnesia, and there's not a real resolution of him getting al of his memories back, only some of them. Now, for me, that didn't really work out just as I wanted it, but I still liked the story, and like it's written really well with good character driven story and whatnot... So yeah, read at own risk

-

a leaf falls on loneliness

Buck doesn’t think that if he were to say, “I’m in a bad place”, that anyone would turn him away. Really, he doesn’t. The 118 has too many good, kind people for that.

But every time he wants to open his mouth, to say something, to reach out to Eddie or Bobby or Hen or Chim, he hears Eddie yelling, “you’re exhausting.”

—you’re exhausting, you’re exhausting, you’re exhausting—

So each day he does his job and he laughs and he jokes and he pretends he’s the care-free goofball he’s always been. And each day he packs away his bruises and his worries, takes them home to his empty loft with its quiet rooms, and licks his wounds in silence.

11k - 1/1 Chapters

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The Space Between Sleep

It all started innocent enough but Buck can no longer deny it.

He has a stalker.

Someone so obsessed with him that they would spend hours and hours following him, unnoticed, taking pictures of him, taking notes of his habits.

But life has been so good lately, and Buck doesn’t want to worry anyone. So he tells no one about it, he can deal with it on his own.

38k - 11/11 Chapters

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Reaching In The Dark

It all started innocent enough but Buck can no longer deny it.

He has a stalker.

Someone so obsessed with him that they would spend hours and hours following him, unnoticed, taking pictures of him, taking notes of his habits.

But life has been so good lately, and Buck doesn’t want to worry anyone. So he tells no one about it, he can deal with it on his own.

38k - 11/11 Chapters

Commentary: Okay, so, I think I've read this one before... and I can't remember if it's like quality or what it is... but imma leave it for you to figure out, cause there's a lot of other ones that I wanna read for you to make sure they're good, so... read at own risk!

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I'll Be Your Arms, I'll Be Your Steady Satellite

Buck couldn’t believe how quickly the day had turned. When he had been thinking about what came next, this hadn’t been what he expected.

--- The 118 takes a call that changes everything, turning Buck's world upside down and pushing his life in a new direction.

54k - 25/25 Chapters

Commentary: So, this was the one where he had a kid, and like, man, dad!buck was a thing I didn’t know I needed that much, but apparently I did, cause man I love it so much! Also, now I really wanna read more dad!buck kid!fic’s, preferably where like Buddie is together, and they want another kid, and so they decide to do surrogacy with Buck this time, and like, have most of what happens in this fic happen, but with some additions to it that I wished they added, with there being more Christopher being a big brother... anyhow, read it! It’s very good and adorable!!!

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Like We Never Loved At All

Prompt: The lawsuit is all a front to protect the team but they don’t know so they treat Buck harshly. Buck bares all of it until Eddie or Bobby just breaks whatever hope he has left. By the time the truth comes out Buck is gone. Fast forward to a year or more later Eddie and Christopher are out with the team when Chris sees Buck. He’s got longer hair and cold eyes but most importantly he’s pushing a baby carriage with twin babies. He’s loving to Chris but frosty towards the team. What happened

22k - 6/6 Chapters

Commentary: Right, read it, and like it’s good, but the writer said herself that she was thinking of continuing it (But she has yet to do so) so though it has an ending to it, it’s not really a resolved one... more like a very very open-ended one... So again, read at your own risk.

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Of Bikes and Concussions

Buck gets into an accident on his way to work in the morning, and before he can explain why he's late, he gets thoroughly chewed out and the rest of his day goes way downhill from there.

7k - 1/1 Chapters

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Mistletoe

After Buck grabbed the mistletoe and kissed Hen, he decided he wouldn't stop there. After making the rounds, he reaches Eddie, and nothing is ever so easy with that man.

9k  -  5/5 Chapters

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Rewrite the Stars

Buck is struggling with nightmares weeks after he has returned to work after the tsunami. He is struggling to sleep, and distancing himself from everyone-- most of all, Eddie.

39k  -  19/19 Chapters

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Bury Your Dead

If you had asked Edward Buckley to describe his parenting style, he would’ve told you that he was a “disciplinarian.”

28k  -  13/13

Commentary: Stumbled upon this one, and I’m pretty sure I’ve read it before, it sounds familiar, and as far as I can remember it was rather good!

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it’s okay

Finally back with the team, Buck isn’t going to let anything tear him away again. He has to prove his place, his part in the family, even if that means smiling through the pain.

Or, Buck gets hurt on a call and doesn’t tell anyone.

11k  -  1/1 Chapters

Commentary: Oh, it has a lot of angst and it will warm your heart!

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Broken Silence

combined prompts asking for quiet Buck trying to stay out of everyone's way after the lawsuit--he and Maddie get hurt but he thinks they won't care, because of how they've been treating him lately, so he doesn't say anything, but does request time off, and then comfort ensues!

2k  -  1/1 Chapters

Commentary: Listen, I know that it’s shorter than what you usually read, but man, it’s so heartbreaking and gooooooood

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Comfort of Strangers

"I don't want anyone else to have your heart, kiss your lips or be in your arms. Because that's my place."

Buck and Eddie grow closer, one kiss at a time.

15k  -  15/15 Chapters

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5+1 Times People Call Them a Family

5 times someone points out that Eddie, Buck, and Christopher make an adorable family and 1 time where they say they are family.

4k  -  6/6 Chapters

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Stay

Buck’s voice was soft and hesitant, but full of patience when he finally spoke again. “Did I do something to upset you, Chris? I can leave—”

“No!” Chris whirled on him, a complete shift from the standoffish vibe he had been giving a second ago. The tears he bravely held back finally broke free from his eyes, sliding down his rosy cheeks from behind his glasses. He shook his head vehemently, the yellow crayon falling to the table. “No, I’m not mad. Please…” His words turned to whimpers, his lip trembling. “Please don’t leave me too.”

31k  -  10/10 Chapters

Commentary: This was the one I linked you too on messenger. It has like a minor supernatural element to it, that they don’t warn you about, cause it’ll like spoil it, but it should not make you shy away from it, because it’s a thing that makes the story fits so well together and makes it so heartbreaking and good! So yeah, check it out, and be prepared for the angst!

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All Bets are Off

"Enough!" Bobby sighed, he pinched the bridge of his nose, obviously exhausted. "Alright, I'm gonna need everyone to be completely straight with each other from here on out. No more fighting. Okay?"

Hen rolled her eyes but nodded. "Okay Cap."

"I'm always straight." Eddie called defensively.

Bobby's mouth opened to respond when they heard a strangled chain of coughing behind them. When they turned, they saw Chimney, choking on a bagel.

"Oh man…" Chimney coaxed through his wheezing. "That's the biggest lie you ever told."

Or, the five times the firefam realized Buck and Eddie were in love, and the one-time Eddie finally did something about it.

35k  -  6/6 Chapters

Commentary: So it’s a 5+1, but it’s a lengthier one than the other one, and it’s so good! It’ll both satisfy your buddie need, but also your Bobby being a father to Buck need!! And like a lot of other good stuff, so yeah, should definitely give this a go

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you working?

a request for some jealous!Eddie

Summer is winding down and the 118 is out for one last event at the local park before kids are back at school. Buck attracts attention, Eddie glares at the world, and Hen is honestly having a blast.

4k  -  1/1 Chapters

Commentary: In reality, it’s a part of a series that’s 18k words long, but like 10k of it is a lot of smut, and like some of it’s plot driven, other very much isn’t, and then like the last part is an engagement one, so like, if you’re prepared for the smut, then sure, otherwise, you could just enjoy the first part of it, with a very adorable jealous Eddie Diaz

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am I coming out of left field?

5 times it was obvious to literally everyone that Buck and Eddie are in love, and the one (first) time Eddie actually admits it.

3k  -  1/1 Chapters

Commentary: Short, but cute, though the last part could be better

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Can't Stay Away

“Long story short, your kid is too damn smart," Buck began. "Seriously, Eddie, maybe you need to pull him out of that fancy school and send him back to public school. Dumb him down a bit so he’s easier to handle.”

Buck’s words became so tangled in his anxiety that he couldn’t really process what he was saying. “What the hell are you talking about? Is Chris okay? Is he in trouble?”

“He’s fine. Safe and sound, happy as a clam, but I’d say he is definitely in trouble.”

...

In which Eddie's parents hate Buck, and Christopher is too damn clever.

6k  -  1/1 Chapters

Commentary: Oh this is a good one... Like, proper whump and Christopher being the captain of our ship!

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There It All Is (What's Always Been Mine)

“You alright Buckaroo?” Hen asked and Buck shrugged. “You’re not worried about hosting this sleepover, are you?”

“I just don’t want to screw this up,” Buck said. “Like, I’m the one who’s not a parent here. Am I really qualified to be in charge of three kids?”

---

Or, when a sleepover becomes the sight of a dangerous emergency, Buck learns what his friends and family knew all along; he’ll do anything for the people he cares about.

8k  -  1/1 Chapters

Commentary: I said I wanted Buck with kids, and I got it. Basically, it’s cute, and I luv buck with kids, and this is a good one. 

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TO ADD MORE

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A Dive Into My Bookmarks

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light me and i'll burn for you

In which an old friend of Buck's joins the 118, and Eddie does not like him. At all.

31k - 3/3 Chapters

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all the stones and kings of old

Edmundo Diaz, King of Calder, does not want a husband.

He had a wife, he has a son. He doesn’t need anyone to try and fill the void in his life Shannon left when she died—he is perfectly content with an empty bed, with Bobby and Athena advising him, with household staff taking care of Christopher when he can’t.

But. Apparently he doesn’t have a choice in the matter.

(Theirs is not an auspicious start.)

36k - 14/14 Chapters

Commentary: So this is the AU that I talked about, with it being medieval, and like, something out of Merlin, only I don't really think there's magic in it... i can't remember if there is... So I don't think there is. Anyhow, it's pretty good!

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Everybody Knows

The five times someone assumed they're together, and Eddie had to correct them, and the one time it happened and he didn't have to.

14k - 1/1 Chapters

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You square all the corners, I straighten the curves

Five times Buck and Eddie pretend they're dating (and one time they don't)

11k - 1/1 Chapters

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The things we lost in the fire

Commentary: Now, this is a two part story, I'll add the summary for both parts.

Part 1:

Evan Buckley left his past behind when he left home for good at age 19. But an unexpected phone call on a quiet shift disrupts the life he's built for himself: forcing him to confront his past in order to build a new future.

Part 2:

It was fall at the 118. That was supposed to mean pumpkin spice lattes, Athena’s world-famous pumpkin pie, and the yearly tradition of getting bullied by children at the annual firehouse trick-or-treating.

Instead, it was a disastrous cornucopia of Maddie’s pregnancy, the Buckley parents visiting, and a sexuality crisis for good measure.

Oh, and?

It was wildfire season.

204k - Part1: 10/10 - Part 2: 22/22

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The Ones I Need To Read First

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waiting on the sunrise

When Buck left home, it was a rushed decision. He didn’t know where he was going or what he was going to do, but he had a high school diploma and enough street smarts to make it as far from his father as possible.

It's been nearly ten years since then, and now his father is in town. Buck quickly learns that some things haven't changed. But other things have, and his family will help him realize that.

28k - 10/10 Chapters

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Two Weeks Noticed

With Christopher away at camp, Eddie finally has a chance to catch his breath after the hellish year he's had. Meanwhile Buck is still reeling from the sudden reappearance of Abby. On a routine night of movies and pizza, Eddie and Buck discuss some feelings and stumble into something that may just take some time to figure out. Good thing they have two weeks to get a handle on it.

148k - 15/15 Chapters

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I Hit the Accelerator (But the Car was in Reverse)

When Buck is forced to confront the truth about his breakup with Abby, having casual sex with his hot new coworker seems like the best rebound idea.

Unfortunately, that hot new coworker turns into his best friend. But best friends can keep having sex with each other, right?

There's no way this could possibly go wrong.

68k - 15/15 Chapters

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the weekly bet (but the forever kind)

When the squad bets on how long it will take for Buck and Abby to get back together when she comes back to LA, Eddie is forced to reconsider keeping his feelings for Buck a secret. “Thanks,” Eddie mumbles, hiding his face deep in his pillow, even if Buck can’t see him in the dark. “What for?” Leave it to Buck to be confused about something so obvious. “Being you, idiot.” “And again with the name calling,” he answers, content and sleepy. Nights like this, Eddie feels like asking for a miracle. But to the team, it wasn’t a matter of if Abby would take him back, but when. A matter of days.

49k - 9/9 Chapters

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Guess We'll Just Have to Adjust

No, Buck does not have a damn crush on Eddie fucking Diaz. No, Buck is not thinking about Eddie's stupid smile or his stupid hair or that obscene sound he made when he pushed the couch the way he did.

Having a crush would be weird. And dumb. And the last thing Buck needs in his already fucked up life.

36k - 12/12 Chapters

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Speak Now

Fake Dating AU idea from a tumblr post that got out of hand the minute I started writing.

Eddie lies to Shannon about being in a serious relationship when she wants to re-enter his and Christopher's lives, and of course the person he asks to be his pretend significant other is none other than Evan Buckley, because what are bros for?

25k - 3/3 Chapters

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Pack a Bag, Say Goodbye

It wasn’t the first time he felt unwanted. In fact, it was an all too familiar feeling. But the last time he felt this way, he had left. Run off to South America and wherever else he could find himself. But the one thing that had helped him stop feeling lost, the place where he had found himself, had been ripped away from him.

So, why was he still there? What was the point in sticking around? ---

After the lawsuit, Buck is struggling when he realizes how unwanted he is at work. When he makes the decision to leave, how will everyone react? And to what lengths will they go to get Buck back?

61k - 30/30 Chapters

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According To You

“He’s gonna’ be fine, they did scans, they said it’s just a scratch--”

“Just a scratch?” Eddie blinks incredulously. “‘Just a scratch’ doesn’t require stitches Evan! God, how could you be so irresponsible?! How the hell were you not watching him at the park?! How could you let him get all the way across the street without you?!”

5k  -  2/2 Chapters

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When it comes to an end (I will want you to plea)

After the lawsuit, Buck and Eddie are casually sleeping together. Eddie tells himself it doesn't mean anything more than that. An unexpected incident at work brings up something Buck thought he'd long buried behind him and makes Eddie re-evaluate his feelings for his best friend.

26k  -  8/8  Chapters

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Protector

He didn’t know who he could contact.

Even though it had been months since he had returned to work, there was still an awkwardness that could not be cleansed. There had been a chill at the start, he had been confined to the station, knowing that his decision to reveal personal information to his lawyer had truly been a mistake. Eventually, the team went back to how they once were in the field, working together to save lives without hesitation. They would share meals, the comradery slowly showing once more.

Outside of work, Buck felt alone.

21k  -  10/10 Chapters

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Helping Hands

Everyone wants Buck to heal from the past year, and they think getting laid will help him. Buck doesn't want to revert back to Buck 1.0, but he also doesn't want his friends to worry about him. So Buck enlists the help of his best friend Eddie in fooling his friends.

55k  -  9/9 Chapters

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Next To Me

Buck and Eddie started off in different places but eventually they ended up in the same. Eventually, they ended up in love.

Told from Buck and Eddie’s perspectives, a canon-compliant take on Buddie and how they could realistically get together.

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Buck had never had a friend like Eddie before. Someone that burrowed under his skin and wrapped around him and became a part of him — like an extra limb, someone he couldn’t do without.

.

He loved him. Eddie loved him. Eddie was in love with him. With Buck. With his best friend. But it didn’t matter…loving him meant that the only thing that mattered was being able to keep him in any possible way even if that meant that Eddie could never tell him.

93k  -  17/17 Chapters

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burn 'em up and scatter their remains

A serial killer taunts L.A., targeting first responders. Fear creates tension among the 118, at the station and outside of it, but they’re going to need to come together stronger than ever to survive this.

50k  -  25/25 Chapters

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Eddie's Not-So-Secret Feelings

5 times Eddie says sweet things about Buck in Spanish so Buck doesn't find out he's in love with him +1 time Eddie realises Buck speaks Spanish and knew all along With special guest stars: Eddie's entire family

17k  -  6/6 Chapters

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More Than You Know

Eddie's forgiven Buck, and things are back to normal between them. By normal, we of course mean they are in love with each other but haven't confessed to anyone yet. After a bad call, Buck goes over to Eddie's to keep him some company. Except Eddie isn't home. And when Eddie does arrive, he bruised and bloody.

44k  -  17/17 Chapters

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a christmas miracle

The 118 are discussing their plans for the holidays, but Eddie's plan has Buck reeling with hurt.

38k  -  4/4 Chapters

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i think i might've inhaled you

How do you tell your best friend that you're actually in love with them? If you're Evan Buckley, you don't.

25k  -  2/2 Chapters

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You're Standing Here Beside Me

In the beginning, May doesn’t know much about Evan “Buck” Buckley.

Also known as my 1 + 5 + 1 Buck & May sibling fic or "1 time May finds out she has a big brother, 5 times Buck and May are totally siblings and 1 time May and Buck spend time with the rest of their family.

14k  -  1/1 Chapters

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The 118 Quarantine Chronicles

A look at the 118 during Quarantine. Featuring cooking competitions, tirades against math, parades, idiot boys in love, prank wars, and happiness.

16k  -  11/11 Chapters

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What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger...Right?

Behind the Scenes: What we didn't and should've seen when the screen went black.

or

Four Times we could've seen so much more Buck Whump, Eddie caring and 118 protectiveness and one time it could've been a lot worse.

11k  -  1/1 Chapters

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Now when do I start to feel again?

Buck's first call back with the team doesn't go as well as Bobby and Eddie hoped. It leads to Eddie having to make a tough decision. A decision that only gets made after a very emotional day.

Buddie fic, pre-slash, 3x06 Coda, Bobby is clearly not only Buck's emergency contact but also his dad. Re-edited for typos 11/11/19

11k  -  2/2 Chapters

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Nothing to Lose

A simple trip trip to the bank ends badly when the robbery crew takes a firefighter with them.

Will his family and friends be able to find him before it's late. Will he realise everything he has and fight to get back to them.

Buck always needs to be the hero, even if he doesn't think he is.

Pre-Buddie because I am absolutely not confident writing how that would even unfold. There are hints of it of course because that's basically canon.

15k  -  10/10

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now that it's over (and i'm sober)

Eddie felt like he was going to choke on his own tongue.

It was a wildly inappropriate thought, given that they really were trying to rescue this girl from a fly-away hot air balloon, running at it with all the speed their legs could muster.

Even digging his heels into the ground and wrapping his hands tightly around one of the drop lines couldn’t stop him from staring slack-jawed at his best friend.

13k  -  1/1 Chapters

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and the winner is......

When Maddie convinces Buck to join her and the rest of the couples of the 118 on a couples game-show with Eddie as his partner, he does so hesitantly, if only because he knows that by the end of it -- the rest of the team will realize he and Eddie are way more than best friends.

18k  -  1/1 Chapters

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Drift Away

“You’re getting a call tomorrow from the Chief. You’re being reinstated to active duty. The city gave me the option of transferring you to a different station...I declined.”

“You won’t regret it”

“You might”

He did

18k  -  3/3 Chapters

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[evanbucklley]

here's an idea: eddie kissing buck's tattoos, all of them 👀 you can take it from there. we love some intimacy

this was a prompt right? because i wrote it lol i hope it’s okay.. 

In these small hours (ao3)

It was a quiet night, the tv volume was low, the glaring light brightening the dim loungeroom just enough to see the man sitting next to him. Eddie unconsciously stroked Bucks arm, his thumb leaving a trail of warmth with it. Eddie couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so peaceful; a time where he could just be. The outside world felt so far away, it was just them and they just were. Complete homely bliss. Eddie glided him thumb up Bucks arm, tracing the outline of his double banded tattoo, catching Bucks attention.  

Bucks focus switched between Eddies hand and his eyes – that deep hazel capturing him in a trance, the warm colouring like an old oak under the golden haze of summer.

“How many tattoos do you have anyway?” Eddie asked.

“Uh,” Buck paused and looked off to the left, mentally counting, “…six… No, seven. Why?”

Eddie smiled, “Just curious.” Eddie continued to drag his fingers over Bucks skin and licked his lips. He had always wondered about Bucks tattoos – whether they’d been the object of fascination or meaningful event, Eddie wanted to know everything. “Can I see them?” The question slipped out before he had the chance to catch himself. The unconscious thought was now present in the verbal world. Eddie mentally cursed at himself for his lack of tact – he would’ve asked Buck eventually… but in a way that meant something. For the both of them. The air caught in his lungs as he couldn’t quite bring himself to breathe.

Buck scratched his cheek, lines forming between his eyebrows before he spoke, “Uh, yeah, I guess if you want to.”

Eddie’s eyes widened only for a fraction of a second. He didn’t expect that he’d be so… open? Maybe? He knew Bucks tattoos were mainly scattered over his arms and torso from previous incidents of nudity; like when they went to the beach together with Christopher or when he’d caught him coming out of the shower. But never had he gotten quite close enough to look.

Buck leaned forward and grabbed the collar of his shirt, pulling it over his face then off his arms. A shimmer glistened over his torso, from the minute beads of sweat forming with the humidity. Eddie swallowed. The material was then discarded over the back of the couch.

Eddies face flushed; the memory no matter how wonderful, paled in comparison to the real time Buck without a shirt. God just the sight sent a tingling sensation through his body. His tongue darted out leaving a quick, damp layer over his bottom lip before his teeth sunk down.

“When did you get this one?” he asked, moving closer.

Buck paused, a sad smile meant only for him surfacing as he relieved a memory, “About 10 years ago now I think.”

“Tell me about it?”

Buck pondered for a second, caught up in the nostalgia.

“Only if you’re okay with it, I mean.”

“No, I wanna tell you.” Buck took a deep breath in. “When I was little my grandma used to look after me a lot – she was one of the most kind-hearted people I’ve ever known.”

Was? Eddie gave Bucks arm a squeeze.

“She used to uh, have this little vegetable garden out by the back porch.” His face lit up in the sweetest grin, “We used to plant things together you see–” Buck nudged Eddie’s shoulder–, “Oh! The strawberries were my favourite, and I would always get in trouble for eating them all before she had the chance to collect them.” He laughed heartily. This time there was no sadness, only joy at the shared memory of the past. “Anyway, just after I got out of high school, she… she died and it hit me a little hard, I guess. The very next day I was in the parlour getting inked. My folks weren’t too happy about that.”

“Must’ve been rough,” Eddie said. He knew he shouldn’t have been happy in that moment, but he was. Buck was sharing a story about himself. A rarity among rarities. This was something only he knew. And that felt glorious.

“I guess… She was a big part of my life but she passed away peacefully and that’s all I could really ask for, you know? She lived a long, happy life.”

Eddie’s heart melted. He couldn’t believe someone this genuine existed. Maybe it was the residual heat of the day, or the Santa Anas but Eddie had an overwhelming desire to touch him. To embrace him. His hand slipped to the underside of Bucks arm and he tugged it close to his face, lips brushing over the banded tattoo. His heart was pounding in his chest, his blood on fire as if he had been thrust into the sun. He couldn’t stop there. He pushed Buck down so he was lying flat on the couch, and hovered over top, trailing kisses up Bucks arm before landing at another tattoo – this one an overlay of geometric shapes, kind of resembling a star, situated on Bucks chest. To which he also placed a slow, sensual kiss.

Buck whined but didn’t resist. Oh God did that noise set Eddies heart ablaze.

“Eddie –” Bucks tongue caught in his throat as Eddie swiped his hand over his left peck.  

“Shhh… I’m counting,” Eddie whispered, his warm breath unleashing goose bumps over Bucks skin.

Eddie trailed his thumb upwards, gliding over the next tattoo, a squiggle-shaped three with a cross over top. He brought his mouth to Bucks burning skin, caressing it in a light peck.

“That makes three.” He looked up at Buck, eyes full of hunger.

There was this fiery desire inside of him, wanting, needing to caress every mark that ever had the blessing to grace Bucks supple skin. Each one, a moment or memory in Buck’s life that he hadn’t known. He ached to know every last detail about this man.

Buck writhed underneath him as Eddie raked his hands down Bucks torso. Buck desperately tried to cover his face with his arms to hide his reddening features, revealing another tattoo on the inside of his left upper arm in the process. Oh? One hand stayed synched on Bucks waist, but the other grasped Bucks elbow and pushed it down as his lips crashed onto the fourth tattoo. Bucks skin slightly salty, as Eddie swiped his tongue over the area.

“Four.”

Buck moaned then sunk lower into the couch. Eddie paused. Did he just find a sweet spot? Though unexpected it was a welcome surprise; Eddie loved hidden treasures. He smirked.

Eddie delicately withdrew Bucks hand from his face, wanting to see everything. The soft lighting hit Buck in every right way; as if the warm glow had cast a magic spell, he was enchanted. He caressed under Bucks eye, rubbing softly before cupping his hand around Bucks face.

It caught Eddie off-guard when Buck leaned into his hand and shut his eyes. Here he was, embracing the man that had filled his whole heart and thought there wasn’t a luckier man alive.

“I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free,” Buck whispered.

“What?”

“The one on my arm… it’s a quote from Michelangelo,” Buck responded, still flustered. “You know, the artist.”

Eddie chuckled, “I know who Michelangelo is, Buck.” Eddie raised his eyebrows, “He also happens to be Christopher’s favourite ninja turtle.”

“A respectable choice,” Buck grinned.

“You know he was 13 when he started his apprenticeship?”

“The turtle?” Eddie, of course, knew exactly who he meant but it was always fun playing dumb. He loved it when Buck told him of his passions, dumping copious amounts of information that he’d stayed up researching. And hey, he even learned a thing or two.

Buck giggled, shoving Eddies chest, “The artist.”

“Oh.”

“He wasn’t even the first choice to paint the Sistine Chapel, Raphael was – ” Buck let out a squeal as Eddie nibbled down his chest–, “But convinced the pope to hire Michelangelo to prove he didn’t have the range. He sure showed him – painted the whole thing himself. It may have taken 4 years but he did it.”

Eddie rested his chin on Bucks ribcage and stared up at him, eyes full with a soft smile. It was warm, but of the pleasant kind, and Eddie’s face rose and fell with Bucks chest as he continued his rambling adventure. The vibrations from Bucks voice like the pattering of rain on a tin roof, and his heartbeat like excited footsteps on hard wood flooring. If there were one meaning for his existence, it would be this moment.

Buck smoothed his hand over Eddie’s hair, giving it a tousle, and guided his arm into Eddie’s line of sight.

“I think you were at five,” Buck’s voice now low and gravelly.

Eddie could hardly contain himself – not only was Buck not rejecting his advancements, he was responding, initiating.

Taking this chance, Eddie held Bucks hand with a firm grip and trailed five kisses up the length of the quote.

“Five kisses for the fifth,” he whispered.

Eddie moved on from Bucks arm, still unwilling to release Bucks hand, and continued to kiss down Bucks torso. An outline of a head, with an anatomical heart was the next tattoo he found, on the lower left side of Bucks abdomen.

He had a pretty good idea what this one was about. Buck had always been an emotional thinker – he followed his heart wherever it took him. And that wasn’t a bad thing. Especially since that heart lead Buck here, to Eddie. Buck’s heart was and probably will always be, the best thing about him.

Eddie placed his lips over the black ink and he could almost feel it beating. Thump. Thump. Thump. Or maybe that heartbeat was his own? He nibbled the area then smoothed it over with his tongue, Buck squirming underneath him. This was by far his favourite. He placed his mouth around the centre of the heart and sucked for a few seconds before releasing. Bucks skinned reddened and Eddie smirked. The heart was now as vibrant as his own.

“This was number six… so there’s one more left.” He shot a look to Buck, prompting him to tell him where the last one was. Buck shied away, blinking a few times. Was the last one somewhere… indecent?

Eddie growled and grabbed the top of Bucks pants, ready to explore the hidden territory. Buck bit his lip and glided his hand atop Eddie’s and lead it down over his hip. Eddie took slow shallow breaths, like a predator ready to pounce. Buck continued to move their hands lower and lower until he reached the bottom of his left trouser leg. He dragged up the hem, revealing the quote scrawled in cursive over his calf. Eddie chuckled. Buck was teasing him. Oh, he was going to get him back for that later.

Eddie gave it a quick kiss before sitting back up.

“You sure you don’t have any more?” he said, almost sulky. He wanted to keep going.

Buck cleared his throat and looked away, feigning interest in the house now showing on the tv.

“Hey that’s pretty cool, I’ve always wanted to renovate my own house.”

Eddie looked to the screen, “It’s a lot harder than it looks on tv you know – whether you get contractors or do it yourself.”

Bucks gave him a look and sat up, “Can I put my shirt back on now?”

“If you must.” Eddie noticed the evasion of his question but that only made it more exciting. One of these days he would find out for sure if Evan Buckley did indeed have another tattoo.

[stcrlghts]

for once in my life.

summary: "There’s just something about Eddie and Christopher that makes Buck want to lay his entire heart and soul out for them. " buck and eddie have a day off and they spend it with christopher, playing scrabble, and proposing to each other. no big deal, just a typical day.

author’s note: i have not written fanfiction in such a LONG time, but buck and eddie on 911 are in love and definitely raising a song together so... this happened. shoutout to @weallknownow​ for buddie spiraling with me every night. true friends understand your ships. 

words: 3,971 (this got... long)

also posted on ao3 

_______________________________

Nights like tonight felt like dreams. It wasn’t often Buck and Eddie shared a day off, ones where they could grocery shop in the morning and go to the park all afternoon with Christopher. Buck’s hand might have been sore from holding Chris’ but it was the best kind of sore, the kind he’d endure for a thousand lifetimes if it meant more times like this. Eddie has insisted on cooking tonight, which meant Buck and Chris stayed clear of the kitchen. The family unit had parted ways earlier that evening, Buck making Eddie promise not to start a fire and Chris exclaiming that “at least Buck could save us all again!” Eddie had just smiled, kissing his boyfriend on the cheek and shooing them both from the room.

Again. The word echoed in Buck’s mind. As if any of them would ever forget the tsunami. It had changed all of them in ways that could never be reversed or fixed. What all of them endured that day, even if some of it was separately, had made Buck and Eddie realize just how precious life was. Chris had been overjoyed the day they told him the news that they were dating. His two heroes under one roof, Chris had never felt safer. The year following had been one of learning, growing, and loving. Buck hardly ever slept at his place anymore and Eddie didn’t mind sharing his bed. Breaking the news to the 118 had been a jumble of nerves and hugs, congratulatory pats on the back from Bobby and “we knew it”s from Hen and Chim. Buck couldn’t even remember who said “I love you” first – him, Eddie, or Chris. All Buck knew is Eddie and Chris were where he belonged, no matter where they were.

Buck and Christopher were in the living room now, the house filled with the scent of Eddie’s cooking and the sounds of Chris’ rambunctious laughter. Eddie poked his head around the corner, catching Buck’s eye and smiling before announcing that dinner was ready. Buck and Chris made a show of being starved, rubbing their stomachs and “growling,” as they took their places at the table, Eddie at the head of the table with Chris and Buck on either side. As they all prepared to dig into the meal, Eddie reached for Buck’s hand under the table. Even the short time in the kitchen alone had made Eddie miss his boyfriend, regardless of the fact he had just been in the next room. Eddie didn’t know how to be without him anymore and he didn’t think he wanted to.

As the family ate together, the two firefighters regaled Chris with stories of their calls from the day before. They kept gorey details to a minimum, as a rule, but Chris loved to listen to their tales. In his mind, they were both superheroes, saving the world one day at a time. Chris loved to tell his friends and teachers about his two dads and the people they saved. The phrasing of “two dads” had confused teachers at first and had been brought up at a parent-teacher conference, but Eddie thought it was perfect that Chris thought of Buck like a father. Chris’ bedroom walls were covered in photos of the three. Every inch of that house made it feel like it had always been the trio. Buck fit into their lives in the most perfect way. He had ever since the day Eddie met him. Being with Buck was the most natural Eddie had ever felt and the ease of Buck and Christopher’s relationship had been a breath of fresh air.

After dinner was cleaned and all the dishes neatly stowed back in cupboards, all three of them gathered together in the living room. Buck and Chris presented their surprise to Eddie – the Scrabble board set up on the coffee table. Eddie and Buck loved to joke that Chris’ favorite thing to do was beat them at Scrabble but they were both truly in awe of him. Decades younger and Chris was already smarter than both of them – and knew it too. As Eddie began to set up for the three of them and pass out letter tiles, Buck’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He flashed an apologetic smile to Eddie, mumbling something about how it was probably Maddie, and stepped out of the room to answer the call. A glance at caller ID told him it was Carla. Buck wondered why he’d be calling him and not Eddie, but he picked it up just as voicemail was about to kick in.

“Hey, doll. How’s everything? I just wanted to see if you boys needed me to take care of Christopher after school tomorrow?” Carla’s voice was bright, cheery, and straight to the point. Buck could imagine her smile, wide and shining, as she talked. Truthfully, it had been a while since the pair needed Carla’s services. Bobby had a soft spot for the boys and usually made exceptions for them to pick Chris up and they took turns doing it. A lot of times, Maddie or Abuela would watch Chris. Not to mention, Christmas break would be soon so the schedule would get easier for a little bit.  

Buck hesitated for a moment before replying, “Tomorrow is Maddie’s day to babysit and she’s so excited to do it. You can take the day off.”

Carla chuckled on other end, “Honey, I’ve had too many days off from that beautiful little boy! It’s like you and Eddie don’t even need me since you got together.”

Buck laughed at her tone. It might have read as a complaint, but Carla would never mean it that way. She had been one of the happiest when Eddie and Buck had announced their relationship. Call it a sixth sense, but she saw it coming from a mile away. She always joked with Maddie that the way the two always looked at each other, it was hard not to see that coming.

“Tell you what – why don’t I text Maddie and you can come over to see her and Chris tomorrow?” Buck compromised, knowing Maddie had been saying she hadn’t seen enough of Carla either. The two had become fast friends and loved their gossip sessions. He knew this could satisfy Carla’s need to see Chris and Maddie’s need to talk to Carla at the same time. Plus, it would give him and Eddie more time alone after work tomorrow. Everyone won.

“That sounds perfect. I have some things to catch her up on. Just don’t you and Eddie forget about me!”

“No way, Carla. You’ve been a godsend to Eddie. You know that.”

Buck could hear her smirk before she even spoke, “No, honey, the godsend has been you. You better lock him down quickly, you know!”

Buck’s expression grew confused as her words sunk in.

“Carla, he’s already my boyfriend. What more –”

She cut him off, “You know what I mean, Evan. Maddie told me about that ring you bought.”

Buck’s expression softened, forming into a smile, as he turned his head to watch Eddie and Chris having a tickling fight in the other room.

“You know what, Carla? You might be right about that.”

This time, her reply was a hearty laugh.

“If you know anything, Buck, you know I’m always right!”

The smile still on his face, Buck turned his head away from the scene in front of him as he said goodbye to Carla, promising to have Maddie text her tomorrow. As he hung up the phone, he saw Eddie chasing Chris around the house. The two burst into where Buck stood, Chris sliding behind Buck, using Buck’s body as a shield from Eddie’s tickle monster. Eddie eyed the situation and smirked, reaching out his hands.

“Don’t think I won’t tickle both of you!” He exclaimed, making a dash towards Buck and Chris. Buck laughed, turning around and picking Chris up in one swift motion. Eddie’s tickle attack descended on Chris’ side and Buck joined in until Chris was nothing but a fit of giggles. As the scene calmed, Eddie reached out to take Chris from Buck. Chris growing weary, he rested his head on his father’s shoulder. Buck took Eddie’s hand and they all walked together back into the living room. Setting Christopher down on the couch, Eddie and Buck took opposite sides of the coffee table, wondering if it was worth it to return to the planned game. They were two rounds in when they heard noticed Chris sleeping softly. Buck mimed putting a finger to his lips, letting Eddie know to be quiet. Eddie nodded before continuing to play his word.

“And that’s jukebox for a whopping 77 points. I think I’m winning, babe.” Eddie whispered as he laid down the last tile. Buck leaned over, eyeing the play his boyfriend had just made. The math was right, the word was real… and Eddie was winning.

Buck eyed Eddie next. “For once, I’d like to win one of these games,” he grumbled. Eddie laughed softly, reaching over to pat Buck’s knee.

“Keep trying, honey. Maybe you can read Chris’ vocab charts.” He joked as Buck tried to form some word, any word, from his remaining tiles. He built off Eddie’s use of X to form “six” for 10 points. That still left him 30 points behind Eddie. As Eddie went to work trying to build his next Scrabble conquest, Buck studied him. The way he squinted as he concentrated, his pursed lips, and his smirk. Buck couldn’t help himself from smiling as he stared. How he’d gotten this lucky, how he’d gotten to live this life with the love of his life and the most wonderful kid in the entire universe… he wasn’t sure. But he didn’t plan on letting this moment or these people pass. Buck had spent his life letting go of great things but he would be damned if Eddie and Chris got away from him.

Buck cleared his throat, murmuring an excuse, and walked off into the bedroom he and Eddie had grown to share. The room is small and usually quiet, but Buck enjoys it. It’s completely different from how he used to live his life and the ways in which he used to take up other people’s beds and that’s why he loves it here. The room had become a sanctuary and the other man usually in the bed had become his home. Buck walked to the closet, where he had officially taken up half the space, and bent down to retrieve a cardboard box off the floor. This box held the things he had been too sentimental about to throw out his entire life – childhood birthday cards, photos of he and Maddie as children, and even newspaper clippings of the 118’s triumphs. He rifled through some of these things for a moment before he felt what he was looking for. He pulled a small, black box from the bottom and popped it open. There, nestled perfectly still in velvet, was the engagement ring he’d bought months ago. Truth was, Buck had known since his first kiss with Eddie that he was never going to leave him. Eddie has been a sure thing for Buck since they met, but that kiss sealed their fate together. At this point, Buck could only hope Eddie felt the same way. The glances they shared, the tender way Eddie touched him… it seemed like he also wanted an eternity of those same glances and touches. There’s just something about Eddie and Christopher that makes Buck want to lay his entire heart and soul out for them. He’d never been like that before and, while it had taken some getting used to at first, he hoped he felt that way forever. Tonight, he would give Eddie the speech he’d practiced in the mirror and pray to everything that Eddie laid his soul down too. Buck already knew he had Eddie’s heart, but a soul was much more to ask of someone.

The door to the bedroom creaked open and Buck jumped, shoving the lid back on the box and pushing the ring box deep inside his pocket before standing. He had just enough time to take a deep breath before Eddie popped his head into the closet. Eddie’s eyes roamed the tiny room before landing on Buck. Eddie gave a soft smile before reaching a hand out. Taking his hand, Buck’s anxiety level dropped. As they walked back out to the living room, Eddie spoke first.

“Thought you might’ve gotten lost in there.” It was quiet and Eddie tried not to let it, but his irrational fear of losing Buck crept into his tone. Eddie cleared his throat, clearly nervous, and Buck waited. Waited for what, he wasn’t sure, but he would spend a million days waiting for Eddie if he had to.

“Do you want to finish the game? I believe I was in the middle of winning.” Eddie regained composure, and Buck looked at him. Did he want to finish a game of Scrabble? Not really. He wanted to propose to the love of his life, this wonderment of a man standing before him asking if he wanted to finish their game of Scrabble. He wanted to tell Eddie that he’d never thought about kids before he met Chris. He wanted to tell Eddie that he wanted to spend the rest of this lifetime and every second of any others having nights like these. He wanted to have people say “two dads” at Christopher’s school and have it be the truth. He wanted to tell Eddie that he was it, that Eddie and Chris were all he’d ever need.

Buck swallowed the lump in his throat and looked squarely at Eddie, who was still waiting for his answer.

“Eddie, I have something to tell you.” Except Buck looked concerned, so Eddie became concerned.

“Should we sit?” Eddie questioned, eyebrows knit in confusion. He couldn’t fathom why Buck was acting so weird.

“I think you might need to be sitting for this” was Buck’s reply, though he cringed after it came out of his mouth. He wanted to ask Eddie to spend his life with him, so why did this start like a breakup? He took a deep breath and tried to remember his planned speech, but all that occurred to him was how much he loved this very patient man who was waiting for him to get his act together. The more worried Buck looked, the more concerned Eddie became. Eddie reached out again for Buck’s hand and the warmth that washed over Buck from gripping onto his anchor steadied his racing pulse and blurry mind.

Another deep breath. He could do this. It was only asking Eddie to marry him. It was fine, totally fine.

“Eddie, I love you. You, uh, you know that. This past year, with you and Chris, has been the best year of my life.” Buck began, but the world still spun. Deep breath, continue. Eddie squeezed his hand and Buck smiled.

“It’s been the best year of my life too, babe.” Eddie filled up the space Buck left empty.

“Yeah, I mean, we’ve both become so much more than we used to be. Eddie, you’ve given me a purpose. Well, you and Chris. You know I love Chris like a son. He- he feels like family.” Buck shook his head at himself. How did he actually think he could get through this whole thing without tripping? Eddie waited, ever the more patient one in the relationship, and just looked at Buck. It occurred to Buck that maybe he should just say it. Eddie already knows everything he wants to say.

“Eddie, you know all of this. And it’s stupid that I wrote up this whole big speech to try and communicate to you how I feel when you already know. You know that you and Chris are the best things that have happened to me. You know that you’re it for me. You know that Chris is like a son to me. You know that I never corrected that woman years ago when we took Chris to see Santa because the thought of you and I raising Chris felt foreign, yet exciting at the same time. Maybe what you don’t know is that I can’t imagine a day without you or Chris in it. I wouldn’t want to live any of those days. Eddie, Edmundo Diaz, I- I love you more than words could ever express. You’re my one and only.” Buck was holding back tears at this point, as he reached into his pocket. He looked up, into Eddie’s eyes, to see him blinking back tears as well. The grip Eddie had on Buck’s other hand had grown fierce and protective and full of love. It felt like he didn’t plan on letting go.

Just as Buck grasped the ring box in his hand, Eddie placed his free hand on top of Buck’s. Confused, Buck glanced up at him. Why was he being stopped mid-proposal? Had he read Eddie wrong? Did he not want to be married? Did it have to do with his history? Shit. Maybe they should’ve had this conversation beforehand.

Eddie smiled, eyes glistening, and reached into his own pocket. Buck’s eyes went wide when he saw Eddie pull out a small black box of his own. Eddie spoke next.

“Buck, honey, if I’m guessing correctly, I’d say that what you’re about to say was the very same question I was going to ask you tonight.”

Buck let out a short laugh, “I- I don’t know what to say right now.”

Eddie’s hand touched Buck’s knee as Buck grew more baffled. Not only did the man he want to marry feel the same, but he was going to ask him too. The very same night. They couldn’t have planned this better if they wanted to.

“Go on, Buck. Ask me.” Eddie’s tone was soft, encouraging. Buck’s hands were shaking. He felt like he was living in a dream world but, then again, every day with Eddie felt that way.

Deep breath.

“Eddie, love. Will you marry me and make my entire life feel like this last year?” Buck popped open the box still in his hand and the soft living room light glinted off the ring in the box.

Instead of answering, Eddie returned the gesture in kind.

“Only if you, Evan Buckley, will marry me and make me and Chris even happier than you already have.” Eddie had taken the ring for Buck out of the box and held it now in his hand.

Both of them had let the tears spill over now as they beamed at each other. Out of the corner of his eye, Buck saw the Scrabble board still set up. Christopher slept on the couch in the middle of the room. Everything was perfect. This moment was the most perfect one of his entire life. Buck met Eddie’s eyes and they shared a beat of silence.

“Of course I will.”

“Absolutely, yes.”

Their answers rang out at the same time and they laughed as they slipped rings on each other’s fingers. Beaming, crying, and both in shock, the couple twined their fingers together. Cool metal against skin was a new sensation, but one they were already loving. Buck breathed a sigh of relief, all of his previous worries forgotten. This man was his now and his alone. Buck realized that no one, even he, would’ve expected this of himself. Telling everyone was going to be a journey, but right now he just wanted to live in this moment. He wanted to live with his boyfriend… wait a minute, fiancé. He wanted to breathe the same air as Eddie for as long as he could.

Before Buck had even regained his mind, Eddie surged forward, pressing his lips to Buck’s. The tension and passion of what they had just done communicated through the kiss. Buck brought his still shaking hands up on either side of Eddie’s neck. Their bodies pressed together, sinking into each other. Buck could feel Eddie smiling against his lips when they parted for a second, and the next kiss was shorter and sweeter. It was “I love you” but in a different tone. Hands still laced together, eyes still locked on each other’s, bodies still pressed tightly… they both glanced at the couch as they heard Christopher stir.

The pair jumped apart. So far, they’d kept Christopher sheltered from the physical aspect of their relationship and they didn’t want to scar his young mind just yet, regardless of terrific circumstances. Eddie got up first, disentangling himself from Buck, and walked over to the couch to crouch in front of his child.

“Hey, buddy.” Eddie whispered, pushing back wisps of Chris’ hair. Eddie smiled at his son and the whole world twinkled in front of Buck. Buck got up too, joining Christopher on the couch, taking the sleepy boy in his arms as he yawned.

Eddie looked at Buck before speaking again.

“Chris, is it alright if Bucky and I share some news with you?”

Chris, still halfway asleep, nodded as he snuggled closer into Buck’s chest. Eddie climbed onto the couch next to his favorite people in the world and caressed Chris’ warm cheek.

Buck let Eddie handle the news, unsure of how to explain since he hadn’t fully come to terms himself.

“Hey, you remember how your mother and I were a couple? And we lived together? And we showed you our special rings one time?” Eddie spoke softly, keeping his eyes on Chris to make sure all his words were soaking in.

“Yes, daddy.” Chris whispered, “But you and Bucky already do live together.”

Buck chuckled at that and Eddie continued, “Do you remember what I told you those special rings meant?”

Another sleepy nod from Chris, “That you had made a commitment to love mommy each and every day. And you were married.”

Eddie beamed, “What if I told you Buck and I just exchanged special rings?”

This woke Christopher up fully. He sat straight up, mouth open in surprise, and glanced from Eddie to Buck and back again.

“Is Buck going to be my other daddy?” He exclaimed, still frozen in shock. Eddie and Buck simply nodded, pulling Christopher into a tight hug. The trio stayed like that for a long moment, Buck and Eddie’s new rings shiny against Chris’ black shirt. After several long moments, Christopher spoke up.

“Dad, can we have ice cream sundaes?!” Eddie and Buck looked at each other, unsure which one of them he was asking.

“Of course we can!” Buck answered, picking Christopher up off the couch to carry him to the kitchen. Eddie followed behind, one hand on his fiancé’s back. Chris took off toward the freezer to pull out ice cream as Buck and Eddie hung back in the doorway.

Eddie turned to Buck, “You know, you were scaring me with how nervous you were earlier.”

Buck raised his eyebrows, sighing, “I didn’t know if you’d say yes.”

This amused Eddie, as well as surprised him. Apparently, it hadn’t been obvious how much he loved this man standing beside him.

“A lifetime doesn’t exist where I don’t say yes to you, babe.”

“I do love hearing you say it.” Buck replied, laughter dancing on the edge of his voice.

Eddie smiled, “I’ll say it a million times every single day if that’s what it takes.” With that, he placed a quick kiss on Buck’s cheek before the two joined their son in the kitchen to make ice cream sundaes to celebrate an engagement all of them had expected and been surprised by all at the same time

[everlarkchristmasgifts]

Rated T for mild language

A/N: Part Four to the Christmas Drabbles followup of Pasty White Raisin for @everlarkchristmasgifts

Nine Days to Christmas - Christmas Tree

The tree for the inside of the brewery’s restaurant had gone up promptly the Friday after Thanksgiving. It was a beautiful, if fake, eight-foot thing with white fairy lights, paper-craft snowflakes, and garlands made of kettle corn that mysteriously lost kernels whenever patrons had to wait for seating. The rustic look was all Annie’s doing.

The real presents under the tree, were Katniss’.

Peeta routinely donated unsold baked goods to the local Salvation Army and youth center. Back in the summer, when they’d still been together, Katniss had often tagged along on his post-closing deliveries to them, and gotten to know some of the staff and regular patrons.  With Annie’s blessing, she’d offered up the Tribute Brewery’s tree to double as a charity tree come Christmastime. And so, along with the other decoration, gift-wish tags from kids hung on the branches, and fulfilled requests were already starting to pile up under the tree.

It set the atmosphere, made the already cozy grill feel more like a place for family.

Sung its own carol of home.

Katniss felt a deep pang as she walked past it, pushing through the doors to the outside.

There, at least for the moment, others were feeling their own Christmas tree pain as well: The big spruce outside was only half done.

“I’m not Gumby, for crying out loud! Get me closer!”

The box at the top of the man-lift swayed precariously, jerking Finnick around like Raggedy Andy while Thresh operated the controls from the ground.

“Sorry,” Thresh called up, not sounding sorry.

“Next year, it’s you up here,” Finnick shot back. “And this year I actually mean it!”

“Nah uh, you like the thrill too much!”

On cue, the box jerked again, making Finnick grip the railing to keep from getting bucked out.

The owners of the brewery had been using the machine to decorate the tree for Christmas since long before any of them had come to work at Tribute. And every year was discussion and theorizing about how old the rickety thing was. Based on the peeling paint, rust, and tendency to produce grinding noises, general consensus among staff was was that it was probably at least as old as Christopher Reeves’ stint as Superman. The controls up in the box had long-since stopped working, and for the last several years, what should have been a two-man job, had required at least six staff:

One to operate the box from the controls at the unit’s base (Thresh), one to fetch whatever forgotten items needed fetching in terms of decoration (Katniss), one to risk life and limb going up high (Finnick), at least three to watch with oohs, ahhs, and wisecracks, and make bets about whether Finnick “really might die this time” (Johanna, plus two), and one to direct the placement of the decorations (Annie).

It was supposed to have been decorated for Christmas the day after Thanksgiving, like the tree inside, but between staff sick calls, a super busy season, and Finnick having seemed mysteriously distracted, it’d been put off.

“No, further to the right,” Finnick shouted down.

The box, with Finnick in it, jolted again, wobbling excessively.

“I swear, Finnick’s actually going to fall out of that thing one of these times,” Katniss said as she handed Annie a box of outdoor decorations she’d been sent for from one of the storerooms.

“He’s got a thick skull; he’d survive,” Annie smirked, right before a look of sudden horror crossed her face. “No, Finn baby, loop it on the next branch over! Yeah… No… Yeah, that one right there. Perfect!”

“Of course I am,” he called down.

Katniss snorted, then left them to it.

__

“What the hell is that?”

Haymitch muted the t.v. then tilted the neck of his beer bottle to the thing Katniss was dragging in with her through the front door. She wrestled it inside far enough to kick the door shut.

“It’s called— wait for it— ‘a Christmas tree.’”

“And what exactly do you do with one,” he smartassed back.

“You erect it and decorate it.”

“What,  sort of like a—”

“STOP!” Katniss glared at him as severely as she could, anticipating the joke, and growling when she almost tripped while dragging her haul towards the living room. “Come on, just help me.”

“Just help me,” he aped back in a little girl’s voice. Nevertheless, he dutifully set his beer on the coffee table and helped her pull it over next to the t.v. It wasn’t a large tree, but it was still larger than her, and she had to body hug it to keep it upright. “I don’t have the stand anymore, you know,” he said.

“Under my arm,” Katniss butted him with her elbow as best she could, to signal where.

She and the tree almost went over for it.

“Stay,” he said to both, once he’d helped them back to satisfactorily vertical. He ferreted the base free and knelt down to work on setting the tree in it. “Scraggly damn thing,” he complained, once it was up and the netting cut away. He felt bad enough for it he actually tried to help the branches spread apart a little. “Where the hell’d you get it, Boyscout clearance aisle?”

“The youth center sells them.”

He eyed her.

“How come you didn’t just stop by the hardware store and get one of those fake ones that don’t shed damn pine needles all over my floor?”

“Our floor,” she grumbled, stripping herself out of her jacket like she’d been having a fight with it all day. “I live here, too, remember? And anyway, it’s a fir, not a pine.”

“Whatever.” He snatched his beer bottle back up dramatically, but instead of drinking, he eyed her again. “The center’s way outside your normal route home. That was a you and the boy place. Why’d you do that to yourself?”

“I had to go see  them about a Christmas Eve thing. The brewery’s working along with their gift tree program this year.”

“Is it now.” Haymitch looked at her like he suspected she wasn’t telling the whole truth, but he didn’t press. Instead, he took a sip of his beer. “You do remember I don’t have ornaments, right? I got rid of all that stuff after you and Prim left.”

Katniss rolled her eyes, went to her room and came back with a small stack of boxes, putting them on the coffee table, opening each to reveal ornaments, lights, and other decorating fare.

“I’m the one who took them when I moved out, remember? Exactly because I knew you’d never set up a tree.”

“I had a tree last year.”

“It was ten inches tall and its lights were powered by a USB cord. Not exactly big enough to put presents under.”

“Which is another draw back to having a real tree: Now I have to populate it with presents. This coming back home thing of yours is getting expensive.”

“Uh uh. Like I haven’t already seen the top shelf in your bedroom closet.”

“And why exactly were you in my bedroom closet?”

“It’s where you always keep the presents.”

“When you were a kid.”

“I was never a kid,” she came back, and then kissed him on the cheek. “But you loved me anyway.”

“Yeah,” he said, after flashing her a look of faked irritation. “I guess you kinda grew on me. A bit like a weed. But, anyway, that’s a pretty ballsy assumption. Who’s to say those presents are for you?”

“I’m pretty sure the thing wrapped up to look exactly like a compound bow isn’t a regifted ugly sweater for that lady friend of yours.”

Haymitch humphed.

“Yeah well, haven’t decided whether to give it to you yet.”

“Because I might shoot you with it.”

“Exactly.”

Katniss started picking through the boxes, and pulled out a glass pickle ornament. It was one Prim had begged Haymitch into buying the first Christmas after their parents had died.

Haymitch noticed Katniss drawing her fingers over it.

“Did you call her back yet?”

Katniss tucked her braid back behind her ear with a quiet, “No.”

“You should take her up on the offer. You haven’t seen her in almost a year.”

“What, and spend Christmas as an  outsider with my sister’s boyfriend’s family?” She shook her head. “Not my idea of fun.”

“It’s a hell of a lot better than hanging out here with your Uncle Grinch while pretending you’re not hurt about the boy. It might distract you. Throw on a bikini and you might even meet one of those muscled surfer types, too.”

She frowned at his attempt to cheer her up.

“I have plans here.”

“Come on, a little California would do you some good. Watching streaming video with your uncle over beer isn’t exactly Christmas, sweetheart.”

A thought made her snort. “It is if we watch the Hallmark Channel.”

“Like hell!”

She grinned. “Yeah, agreed.”

Haymitch took the pickle and placed it front and center on the tree, despite her complaints about it needing to go on last. Then, he unmuted the television and they decorated to the background noise of Storage Wars until Katniss caught a glimpse of her watch twenty minutes later.

“Here,” she handed him a strand of tinsel and got up.

“I hate tinsel.”

“Then wrap it in the loving arms of our tree creature.”

She disappeared to her room, then reemerged carrying a wrapped present. She slipped into her sneakers and jacket.

“And where are you going?”

“To deliver a present.”

“To who?”

“Don’t forget to water the tree,” she said as she left.

“Another reason to have a fake tree,” he grumbled once he was alone. He shook the dregs from his beer into the base, then gave the tree his best stink eye, “You start dripping resin onto my carpet, son, and it’s to the fireplace with you.”

[stella-monstrum]

“Cult King of Haunts & Certified Cool Dad”; Bobby Roe (Interview)

Admittedly, I’m quite behind the times.

        Though, it’s never too late to sink your teeth into a new-to-you horror film, past or present. Specifically for this article, I’d recommend taking a look at The Houses October Built, directed, produced, written, and acted in by Bobby Roe.

This 2014 film started a franchise continued (and topped by) the 2017 sequel, aptly named The Houses October Built 2. Over the past seven years the franchise has become a cult hit, especially with films like The Blue Skeleton, which has been kept very much alive through word of mouth and the internet. (Listen, it’s freaky levels of fourth wall breakage.)

For the October film fraternal twins, Roe not only blurred the line between the frights, scares, and shit-yourself experiences that millions seek every Halloween season in haunted attractions across the US—he also flipped the norm on its head through the first person experience of found-footage films. Both films not only make you feel like you’ll be grabbed right through the screen, but also make you feel like you’re a part of the thrill seeking gang. 

The found-film genre has been around for quite some time, popularized in 1999 with films like The Blair Witch Project. Every film under that genre has to constantly find new and innovative ways (sometimes actually getting police involved) to convince filmgoers to give it a shot. Roe not only sought out real haunted attractions within the deep south of Texas and Louisiana but also marketed the first film by creating a very real list of the attractions and making it available to the potential viewing public. By the second, the haunts literally came to them, with park reps and others reaching out to Bobby in hopes of showing the range that the holiday haunts had to offer.

(Bobby Roe; source - IMDB)

(Article & Interview cont. below)

As of this writing in 2021, Roe is working along with eleven others to form a new anthology horror series called Isolation. As producer Nathan Crooker describes it to Variety:

“Isolation explores the human condition through a genre lens, weaved together in an anthology experience. The films live under a banner of survival and deal with relatable themes such as human connection, paranoia, hope, love, escapism, fear of the unknown, abandonment and opportunism. Like any good horror film, the themes transcend the genre.” (Source)

The filmmakers were only allowed to use whatever resources that they had within their own homes. As for Roe? He got his two children involved in the project.

(The “Isolation” film poster [Created by Christopher Shy, source bloody-disgusting.com])

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On top of that, he also wrote a children’s book titled Narah the Whale and has multiple projects in the works currently put on hold due to the pandemic.

As an aspiring indie horror screenplay writer, I was so incredibly impressed by the methodical mind of Bobby Roe. I had the opportunity to write up this interview that I held with the Cult King of Haunts and certified Cool Dad.

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1.)  You’re a very involved filmmaker, producer, writer, and father. What was becoming a dad like for you? Also, what was the “a-ha” moment that led your kids, to them becoming involved in the Isolation project?

[Roe: Becoming a father inevitably makes you question some content for better or worse in the horror film business.  My children love Halloween, not sure if that is a hereditary trait or not, but there are enough masks in the house to be infectious. The A-Ha moment was making a film with them.  Initially I was turning the opportunity down.  They are young, and as hard as the lockdown was it gave me an opportunity to spend more time with them in formative years.  I knew how time consuming ISOLATION would be, so I worked backwards and Zack Andrews and I came up with a more Lord of the Flies approach that could involve the whole family.  I'm so proud of my kids on what they pulled off, my daughter in particular was only 5 and she improved a monologue for 7 minutes that I obviously couldn't fully use, but I was blown away.]

Bobby Roe’s twitter photo of his two children [Source])

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2.) When you were in the process of writing your children’s book, Narah The Whale (alongside friend and fellow RV tourist, Zach Andrews), what wonder from your own childhood did you use as inspiration?

[Roe:  It always bothered me since I was a kid that most people thought Narwhals were mythical creatures.  Just because they weren't in aquariums, people were unaware. I know there is a craze now, but I started this book for my unborn daughter in 2014 to hopefully talk to many children and give them an origin story for their favorite animal.]

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3.) Let’s go back to 2014, during the early success of the Houses franchise. Blurring the lines of what people seek yet also fear came across as a breath of reimagined fresh air.

Question; How long was the actual process of finding the six or so haunts, and did you realize how incredibly accurate the escalating fear was where people actually want to scuffle with the haunt actors? 

[Roe:  If people don't feel terrified in a haunt, they think they were ripped off.  We wanted to make the most real found footage movie you could at the time.  I just wanted you to argue what was real and what was fake after leaving the theater.]

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4.) During quarantine, obviously everyone’s plans are put on hold. 

Question; What is your current most anticipated project that you’ve got in the chamber, and has quarantine at all changed your view on the horror genre?

[Roe: I'm very proud of what was pulled off with ISOLATION in the height of quarantine with zero crew. It was a kick in the teeth to not be able to film A WICKED TALE in June.  It was postponed with lockdown so I am really looking forward to 2021 to get that in the can. Zack and I have worked almost 3 years on it.]   

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5.) In slow burn storytelling, what is the biggest obstacle you face as far as keeping a viewer like myself glued to the screen while producing gut churning visuals without blood?

[Roe: It gets harder everyday. Especially with streaming.  I need you to hang around for HOB 1 & 2 for both endings. But if you don't take the slow burn it won’t work.  We knew people would be rude, go to their phones, so I made sure every place and interview you could look up that it was 100% real.  I think that adds to the terror.]

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6.)  In the first Houses film, there are so many hilarious breather moments—from making clown dick jokes, rapping around a campfire, and you even scaring the hell out of Mikey in a mask. 

Question: Were there any other hilarious (maybe improvised) moments that we didn’t get to see? And is there any prank competitiveness between you and your brother Mikey?

[Roe: You try to have waves. Goal #1 before scaring you, was to make sure you wanted to be in this RV and on the road trip with us.  I hope that was pulled off. Tried to buck the formula a tad. There is almost no blood and everyone is platonic (despite what people think with Zack and Brandy in bed scene).  That was designed to show lack of bed options and she is like our sister that we protect. Brandy is so good in these movies to me, she is my secret weapon. As far as Mike and I, we compete more with the creative than we do on jokes. Most pranks we are in on it together.]

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7.) What non-horror genre literature character would you personally take from any era and turn into a one-sentence pitch for a horror film?

[Roe: Edmond Dantes. The Count of Monte Cristo (wouldn't have to change the title).  But Edmond is murdered but saved as a vampire.  The Count comes back and tears the fucking town apart. Only he and Mercedes are left in the entire town after he stacks the bodies.  They live happily ever after...forever.]

(”The Count of Monte Cristo, 1888 illustrated edition) (Source; Amazon)

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8.) If you could create anything into a “horror film trope” that isn’t already existent, what would it be?

[Roe: Honestly, I want a new kill I've never dreamed of in every horror movie.  So sick of the same shit over and over.  Prerequisite is every slasher needs a new kill or be gone.]

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9.) What is the one subject/hobby outside of filmmaking would people be surprised that you’re fascinated by?

[Roe: Scuba Diving. It's very much like horror. You have no fucking idea what's over that reef or abyss.  I love that feeling.  They also say there is 8 billion in undiscovered treasure out there.  That doesn't hurt the adventure.]

It was such a cool experience to bring a fresh perspective from the mind of Bobby Roe. Stay tuned for what he’s got planned for 2021!

[tawaifeddiediaz]

can I pleeeease have a n°18 for the prompt thing?

18. “Are you that desperate?” “For you, yes.”

Hey! Thank you for requesting this!

This took a lot of turns on me xD I’m still not quite sure what this is but I hope you like it! It doesn’t fit in any one category, but I think it veers a little on the domestic, taking-care-fluff side? Whatever it is, I hope you like it!

I gave up on present tense for now xD I just can’t do it. I feel like I’m not articulating in that tense. Anyway, onward!

Prompt List [inbox always open!]

[AO3 Link]

Word Count: 2274 words

Buck could feel the exhaustion deep in his bones.

They’d had a pretty rough call today, another one involving kids where they’d come unfairly close to losing one of them. Thankfully, they hadn’t but the sheer possibility of it all stuck to the whole crew. It didn’t go anywhere.

Anyone who said that firefighters, paramedics, police officers, doctors forgot their patients, victims or calls? They didn’t know what they were talking about.

The thing first responders were very well-versed in doing was fine-tuning their mind into focusing on their current calls, but the sheer amount of hypotheticals stayed with them for life, even if everything had been okay in the end. 

Seeing that Christopher was off at camp, and Eddie couldn’t hug his kid into next year after the rough call, Buck decided to self-invite himself over to the Diaz household. It wasn’t like he hadn’t been practically living there for the past week, anyway. 

Eddie was increasingly snappy now that he missed the kid and didn’t know what to do with himself. While Buck missed Christopher too, he was beginning to miss his sane best friend more. The crew was one cross comment away from locking him in the supply closet, or just giving him the entire of next week off so they didn’t have to deal with Eddie’s irritation.

“I bring beer and good tidings!” Buck declared as he walked into the Diaz household with a case of Eddie’s favourite beer.

“Oh thank God.” Eddie groaned, getting up from the couch to take the case from him without another word to Buck.

He stood there for a minute with empty hands, glaring at his friend’s back as he shrugged his jacket off. “‘Hi, Buck.’ ‘How are you, Buck?’ ‘I wish I had a friend as awesome as you, Buck.’” He did his best imitation of Eddie’s gruff voice, raising an eyebrow at him as he plopped down.

“Get over it.” Eddie snorted, popping the tops off two beers and passing him one. He had the decency to look slightly sheepish anyway. 

Buck laughed and took the beer while Eddie turned on a movie for them. 

It was one of those mindless entertainment things, embellished with horrible jokes and otherworldly puns. They joked as they normally did about any movie, keeping each other entertained with a steady stream of outlandish commentary. 

It was when the credits started rolling that Buck noticed that he was on his second beer and Eddie was on his fourth. The case was torn open haphazardly, empty bottles littering the center table. All six bottles were gone.

He frowned at the sight of it. Eddie never drank this much, and Buck wasn’t sure about how he felt about Eddie going off the rails because his son was gone for two weeks.

Turning his head to his friend, he was surprised when he saw Eddie’s face flushed, with his pupils dilated. His head was resting on the back of the couch, and he was softly singing something in between hiccups and sips of beer.

He had no idea Eddie was such a lightweight. But then again, he’d never seen him drink more than two beers either.

“Okay, bud, I think it’s time to get you to bed.” Buck heaved himself up from his slouched position to set the near-empty bottle back on the table. Eddie startled like he’d forgotten Buck was even there. Suddenly, there were tears slipping down his cheeks which alarmed him to the core, panic bubbling in him as he hovered over his best friend. “Eddie?! What happened?”

“I just miss him so much.” Eddie whined tearfully. Buck let out a whoosh of breath, marginally relieved, before scooting closer to put an arm around his shoulders. “Did you know he has all these blonde curls that don’t stay in place and I have to gel them down in the morning? I don’t know what to do with myself in the mornings now. Where's the routine?”

Buck's lips quirked up slightly. This was just plain sad, but Buck missed Christopher too. And he could sense Eddie needed this, so he let the distraught father continue on. “And he knows I can’t cook for shit but he’s the sweetest kid in the entire world, and never complains when we have things like pizza, cereal, sandwiches for meals. Though you fixed that, too.”

Buck couldn’t fathom what else he’d fixed, but he had definitely taken to purposefully making larger batches whenever he cooked so he could give it to Diaz boys. It was his and Christopher’s little secret. Well, it had been; clearly, they weren’t as slick as they thought they were.

Eddie blubbered against his shoulder as he waxed more poetry about his son. “The house is so quiet without his laugh and the sound of his crutches. And he calls me Daddy in that little, cute voice of his and I just miss him.”

“I know, sweetheart. I miss Christopher, too.”

“How do you know I’m talking about Christopher?” Eddie pushed away from him to narrow his eyes suspiciously, swaying precariously in place. Buck cocked his head, thoroughly confused. Didn't he just mention a kid?

“You got someone else who calls you Daddy?” For some reason, that made Eddie flush a brighter red and mutter ‘no’ under his breath. It was only a few seconds later that Buck figured out why, his face turning the same shade of scarlet as an awkward silence settled between them. 

They sat quietly for a while after that, both of them finishing off the remainders of their bottles before Eddie dramatically spoke again. “I’m doing it. I’m driving to the stupid camp right now and bringing him home.”

Buck resigned himself to a night of hiding keys and keeping Eddie in check.

“Eddie, it’s hardly been a week.”

“I haven’t been apart from him for this long since I came back from my last tour.” Ah, so this is what the real root of the issue was.

“He’s fine, Eddie. Kids love summer camps, and you’ve seen all the photos and you’ve talked to him on the phone. Christopher’s happy and he’s having a great time, which is more than can be said about you.” Buck got up to grab a water bottle, easily replacing the now-empty beer bottle. Eddie begrudgingly took a sip when Buck glowered at him. “Pretty sure he left with you clear instructions. He’ll be back before you know it.”

“But I miss him.” There was a level of petulance in his voice that he usually associated purely with drunk people or toddlers. Both of which Buck was excellent in dealing with.

“And he misses you too, but you’ve drunk four beers, you’re in no condition to drive and Christopher won’t like his ex-army dad showing up in the middle of the night.”

“Six.”

“What?”

Eddie cleared his throat before speaking lower, his chin resting on his chest, bottom lip extended in a slight pout as he stared at Buck from the side of his eye. Now he looked less drunk and more toddler. “I had six beers. Two before you came.”

A wash of anger swirled through him but he tamped down on it immediately. Eddie was a grown man, and could deal with his own decisions. Still, he felt a little blindsided by the change of events, and a little off-kilter at Eddie being an emotional drunk.

“I want to go pick up Christopher. Buck, you can drive. Please.” Eddie turned to him with pleading eyes. No, he really couldn’t drive. It didn’t matter if he’d only had two beers in as many hours, but there was no chance in hell he was taking his overprotective best friend to a children’s summer camp. Christopher would never forgive him, so Eddie’s puppy-dog eyes could go to hell.

“Are you really that desperate?” Buck asked. The question made Eddie perk up and before he knew it, he had a lap full of drunk Texan who’d just finished sobbing, completely wrapped around him like a koala.

There wasn’t much he could do as Eddie stared at him with wide eyes before dropping his head. Buck stiffened as Eddie bullied his way into the space between his neck and shoulder, just snuggling in there. “For you, yes.”

The words were punctuated with a punishing nip to his ear and an apologetic swipe of his tongue against the bite. 

This was dangerous. This was very, very dangerous.

Buck wasn’t even tipsy but Eddie was flat-out incapacitated. He was doing things that he normally wouldn’t have done; Buck was no stranger to drunken encounters, but he wasn’t about to do this with Eddie. There was just too much at risk, even if his body didn't seem to get the memo.

“I was talking about your son.”

“I miss him.” Eddie repeated, not moving from his perch. Buck sighed and relaxed under him, jostling Eddie into a more comfortable position. “The kid’s name today was Christine.”

The words were spoken so quietly that Buck almost missed them, despite the fact that Eddie’s mouth was right next to his ear. He smoothed an encouraging hand down the bumps of Eddie’s spine through the T-shirt, feeling the older man’s hot breath tickle his collarbone. 

“She was terrified when she came to, in the ambulance. I tried to calm her down by asking her name, her favourite animal, and all that. Keep her awake.” Buck didn’t know that; he’d been with Bobby in the truck. They’d needed an extra hand in the paramedic circuit, so Eddie had gone with Hen and Chimney.

Christine hadn’t gotten the time to hit the brakes on her bicycle and had flown head-first over the handlebar, landing hard on her head. She hadn’t been wearing a helmet, and the impact had been on concrete. They’d lost her pulse near immediately, and it was scary to think that her family could have lost their daughter today if they had been a mere ten seconds late.

The girl was only eight. Buck could still see splotches of her blood on his uniform, which wasn't an image he wanted to dredge up right now.

“Her name just..reminded me of Christopher. And how he’s doing activities like that at summer camp where I’m not there to supervise, and I’m...I’m not ready to deal with that.” Eddie whispered. Slowly, Buck lifted his arms to wrap Eddie in a hug, his frown settling on his face.

“You know…” Buck started, searching for words. “I don’t know how scary it is to let your child do things like that, but you know it’s important for Christopher’s independence. The camp has people trained for kids with special needs, and they're all professionals. And he was just telling me the other day how happy he was that you let him go.”

“I don’t regret it, I just wish I was better prepared for this.” Eddie pulled back to look at him with bloodshot eyes. “Look at me; I’m a mess over only fourteen days without him. I stayed hundreds of days without him on all my tours, and this is just pathetic. And hypocritical.”

“Eddie, you need to stop being so hard on yourself.” Buck admonished gently. “Look, right now, let’s get you into bed, okay?”

He helped Eddie up, wrapping an arm around his waist to stop him from stumbling into the walls. The drunk man started singing that same song again. Now that Buck was closer, he could tell that it was a lullaby of some sort.  

“What’s that you’re singing?” Buck asked as he got Eddie situated in bed. 

“Spanish lullaby. Chris’ favourite.” He teared up again at that. “My little boy’s growing up too fast for me.”

Buck smiled softly, wiping a stray tear from Eddie’s cheek as he took a seat on the side of the bed. “We all grow up, but he’s growing up to be a wonderful person because of you.”

“Doesn’t feel like enough.” He shifted suddenly on the bed, curling around Buck’s torso so Eddie’s head was on his thigh and his legs were folded behind Buck’s back. His arms were around Buck’s waist, holding tightly to the shirt on the other side. 

It was shockingly vulnerable. Buck couldn’t help but lift a hand to card through Eddie’s hair. With each swipe of his fingers, the older man relaxed a little more until he was completely pliant.

Seeing that Eddie’s breath had evened out, Buck quietly detached his limbs to rearrange him on the bed, pulling the covers up to his chin. He was so busy tracing the sleepy lines of Eddie’s face and rustled hair - all making him look far too young - that he didn’t notice that the man was still awake.

“Will you stay with me?” Eddie asked quietly, gaze fluttering open to look at him with hazy eyes.

A lump formed in his throat at the unwavering trust on his best friend’s expression, but he somehow found it in him to decline the open invitation. If Eddie still wanted Buck sober, he had him.

“Ask me tomorrow.”

The answer was significant, hurtling both of them over the wall of inhibitions they’d erected between them. For now, Buck only smiled and patted his hip over the comforter, getting up to leave.

“For the record, I will always want you.” Eddie said sleepily as he drifted off, leaving Buck frozen in the doorway, door jamb clenched tight in his fist.

He smiled a little wider at it, letting out a soft laugh as he propped Eddie’s door almost all the way shut.

Yeah. He’d always want Eddie, too.

[breakingmllc]

Once Upon A Time There Was A Girl Who Really Loves Knitting And Dogs It Was Me The End Heart T Shirt

Yesterday was a Once Upon A Time There Was A Girl Who Really Loves Knitting And Dogs It Was Me The End Heart T Shirt busy day of meetings and airplane travel for peter and connor but last night peter took some time to share his thoughts on the passing of the great christopher lee christopher lee was the tallest actor I ever knew he was also by far the most literate when we first met in a los angeles studio where he was recording his lines as king haggard in the last unicorn he had just recorded haggard’s speech about his first sight of unicorns and I mentioned that it was probably my favorite speech in the book he immediately wanted to know well did I do it properly we can always redo it right here of course he’d handled the lines perfectly but writers and writers’ opinions about their work mattered intensely to christopher that same afternoon we discovered that between the two of us we we could call to mind just about all the lines of g k chesterton’s poem the rolling english road we also discovered a mutual need to hit the men’s room and my son dan in his mid teens at the time still has a very clear memory of christopher simultaneously peeing while declaiming in that voice which no one could ever keep from imitating after fifteen minutes with him before the roman came to rye or out to severn strode the rolling english drunkard made the rolling english road a reeling road a rolling road that rambled round the shire and after him the parson ran the sexton and the squire I leave it to the reader to imagine that voice in the tiled acoustics of a hollywood bathroom we met a second time in munich where the last unicorn was being dubbed into german most of my memories of that time and of chris lee have to do with books and authors he had known both j r r tolkien and a writer who mattered more to me t h white we had a long ongoing argument in munich about a chapter of the sword in the stone that appears in the english edition of the book but not in the american one he turned out to be right he usually was he never failed to mention the last unicorn as one of his very favorite books and as one of the movies he was most proud of having made indeed he left my whopperjawed as mark twain would have put it when we were being interviewed together on austrian television and he announced oh yes I simply couldn’t resist a chance to play king haggard one more time even in another language after all and he looked straight into the camera it’s the closest they’ll ever let me get to playing king lear the camera swung toward me to catch my stunned reaction and chris looked across the studio at me and winked but my most vivid memory chilling as it remains to this day has to do with the day that I and michael chase walker associate producer of the last unicorn and the one who really got the film made in the first place somehow found our way out to dachau I can’t now recall how we managed it considering that neither one of us spoke german and that you had to take both a subway and a bus to get there from the hotel where the crew were staying but we got there somehow and spent a good half of the day roaming with other tourists around a legendary concentration camp peering blindly into the huge crematoriums but staring with equal horror and fascination at the endless rows of filing cabinets containing every record of every human being who was ever imprisoned starved gassed or simply worked to death in this place michael and I grew quieter and quieter that afternoon until by the time we started back to munich we weren’t speaking at all I think we both felt that we might say anything in words again the first person we met in the hotel lobby was christopher he took one look at us and announced you’ve been to dachau we nodded without answering chris strode toward us looked all the way down from his six foot five inch altitude lowered his voice and inquired still smells doesn’t it with the end of world war ii christopher as a member of the special forces and whose five or six languages included fluent german had been assigned to hunt down and interrogate nazi war crminals and had been present at the liberation of dachau and yes the smell of death had undoubtedly faded somewhat since 1945 but it was still as real as michael and me wandering dazedly between the ovens and the filing system we just didn’t know what it was but christopher did and i’d know it again I never saw him again after munich though we spoke on the telephone a few times on the last occasion when I had called to wish him a happy 90th birthday I remember him assuring me that if by the time you come to make your live action version of your movie I have passed on do not let it concern you I have risen from the dead several times I know how it’s done he worked almost to the last as the real artists of every kind do they work to be working because that’s what they do and they die when they stop I always regarded him as the last of the great 19th century actors that bravura larger than life style went with him no modern rada trained performer would ever attempt it today nor should they it would inevitably come out parody however earnestly meant yet there was always more to christopher lee as an actor than dracula or the mummy or saruman or sherlock holmes for that matter though he was very proud of having played not only both holmes and watson but sherlock’s brother mycroft as well lord summerisle of the original the wicker man probably his favorite of his own movies is most likely closer to chris’s dark benignity than any other role he ever inhabited I believe this because lord summerisle sings a surprising amount in that movie and chris passionately loved singing if there is any such thing as an afterlife or reincarnation I truly hope no believe that christopher lee will return as a wagnerian opera singer if he hadn’t been considered too old in his 30s to be accepted for formal vocal training he might have been in his own eyes at least a happier more fulfilled man but we would have been deeply poorer for it and never have known. Wild horses have lived in the kisatchie national forest and fort polk for over 150 years now however despite public outcry and ongoing litigation the u s army is removing horses from fort polk with many of them ending up in a kill pen you can help save these historic horses by signing a petition below and by making a donation to our friends at the pegasus equine guardian association to fund its rescue fostering adoption efforts at. She needs the best emcee baby do you want me please say yes you do come tidy up my crib I can tell you wanna peace to jane fonda let’s play like honda trucks peace to you for makin big bucks time is upon us you’re the star I like it you rule my world like the vikings u were at the corner store paparottzi made a sighting finer than pizza and cool like lightening so stop hiding come inside baby im wating for you your so true wrote that in 4 mins what you think bro

Source: Once Upon A Time There Was A Girl Who Really Loves Knitting And Dogs It Was Me The End Heart T Shirt

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Premium Trending, Medical This Summer Season will Presents Who Love:

Seriously loving my new touch of nude lipstick I normally hate brown tones on me but this is the Once Upon A Time There Was A Girl Who Really Loves Knitting And Dogs It Was Me The End Heart T Shirt perfect nude brown that I think will now become my new go to can’t go wrong shade so moisturizing too but not too creamy where it’s slides around on your lips. In response to last week s tatoosday post we got so many tattoos from last unicorn fans around the world that it will take months to showcase all of them to help make things go slightly faster than that and because it s neat to compare and contrast we re going to make today a two tattoosday post take a look at these very different approaches to showing the human and unicorn versions of peter s classic character in one image ashley knight schroeder s tattoo is beautifully stylized I just got this done on saturday the last unicorn has touched my life and helped me through many a rough patch even my sons will watch with me and sing talk along to the movie rippy s tattoos did the work I have no idea who did the original design I saw it and feel in love would love to find the original artist brittni lynn martin and her artist phil meyers from california opted for classic heartfelt look this movie has been my favorite since I was little and is now my favorite book and I have a 3 year old daughter who also loves it and we watch it together so it’s been a huge part of my life so beautiful both of these. If your events calendar or feed is full of baby showers anxiety this is for you life is busy but gifting a new mom baby should be easy with our collection of cute coordinating outfit sets multi packs stress less shop bundles baby place See Other related products: Once Upon A Time There Was A Girl Who Really Loves Knitting And Dogs It Was Me The End Heart T Shirt