#but I am not gonna enjoy it I'm still traumatized from the last time I worked on it

[daincrediblegg]

I am once again wishing to god I could procrastinate going into video editing hell but I cannot

[chuuyasfanboy]

Just had some random thoughts so pulled up an old blog I never used and am now deciding to write fics! I've had this stuck in my head for two days now but like- Skk as parents... enjoy <3

Wrote three sections! One with Chuuya, one with Dazai, and ofc them together. It can be read from either adopted or blood perspective, I hope? Kind of scattered, I was just goin for it guys

Iffff you liked this, please req something! I'm having major bsd brainrot and I need ideas...

Soukoku as Parents Platonic x Gn!Child!Reader

┌──────┐

└──────┘

The SILLIEST father EVER guys.

For actual years he was fully under the impression he HATED all kids with a passion. I mean guys look at how badly he treated Aku-

Well then he had you and things changed

It's just something about you being his kid, not a subordinate or random kid on the street

He's your dedicated apologist

In fact, he encourages your mischief!

When you were younger, it was a lot harder to handle you. He even found himself on his last fuse sometimes. Usually, he left Atsushi or Yosano to deal with you

He didn't want to revert to old habits and accidentally traumatize you :(

When he can handle himself, though, he's only halfway controlling you-

He's right along with you in the heinous activities half of the time

Hiding Ranpo's candy (for as long as it lasts), misplacing Kunikida's glasses, hell you two have probably snuck into the infirmary and changed the sheets to something very colorful and very childishly wolf themed...

He's not really a mature dad, nonono. But he's doing his best

He fully supports all of your wildest interests, even tries out some of the more entertaining ones

He struggles to act excited when you're younger and all your interests are very out of his range, but as you grow older he's actually a bit intrigued by them sometimes

Best birthday gift ideas, too. He's very creative when he wants to be.

He also has way more money than he should be ALLOWED to have

For your Sweet Sixteen, he most definitely got you an obsessively large custom pinata of your favorite character...

He makes sure EVERYBODY gets you gifts, because you are his world and thus you must be everybody else's as well

He really does try to keep you out of work, and especially away from his suicide biz

Maybe HE doesnt have a reason to live, but he certainly doesnt want you picking up those thoughts, because he knows you have a real big destiny to live up to someday

I mean, what would the world be without you?

When you hit the age of 13 though, its really hard to hide anything from you

You're so scary when you grow up! And you're way too smart!!4

Did you get that from him? oops...

Now, he doesnt have any plans of living that long, but if you do grow big and strong and smart one day, and you join the ADA, he's definitely got some favoritism.

Surprisingly, Fukuzawa actually gives you your first few proper missions with him

(Because he knows Dazai will not be letting any harm come to you, he trusts Dazai with his life and he knows you trust Dazai even more)

If you have different plans for adulthood though, he's still so supportive

If you go to uni, you're going to have to show him off

Why?

Because, guys, he's a dilf

Nobody's gonna be mean to the kid with a dilf father, they all want him

He jokes about it constantly

But rest assured, stupid and immature uni kids are NOT his type, no matter how nice the ones his age look

He's got his eyes set on that waitress and at least four other men at the moment

If you go straight into the workplace instead of uni, he's going to use his connections to get you a good job early!

Fukuzawa has a good way with words and Dazai himself is a pretty good reference contact

Just tell them he's your teacher, or something

It's not like they'll know his hobbies, he's wayyyy too big a mystery for that

Overall: 7/10 dad

A little rough around the edges, but he's trying hard to improve himself for you

And he's trying hard to give you the best life he can offer

┌──────┐

└──────┘

Did I say Dazai was a dilf?

I lied out of my ass.

Chuuya is the real dilf here

But we'll get to that later! (Just know he has plenty of men and women at his feet and they're definitely being way too nice to you because they want him so bad guys)

You're SO SO SO SO spoiled.

UNREASONABLY so

So bad you might even be a little bit of a brat growing up

It's fine, not toward him, he almost never says no to you so theres no need

There's absolutely no amount of money that can't be spent on you.

Luxury clothes, professionally cooked dinners, fancy rooms, home staff, the whole works

Despite all that though, he's insistent you go to a public/private school

He's not tutoring you, wont even hire one

It's not because he CAN'T, it's because he KNOWS how important it is for you to get your sense of independence early

Sure, you'll always have financial support, even if he dies (Trust fund babyyyyy)

But thats not what's actually important to your future

You need social skills, you need friends, you need and education and the taste of disappointment

Dont worry, though, he's not sending you unprepared

You're not eating school lunches unless you want to (but fuck why would you?)

He's sending you to school with top notch food every day

And clothes

And supplies

Plus, you'll have a tutor at the ready for anything you need a little extra help in

But for the most part he keeps as far as he can out of that section of your life

You friends are yours, not his

He's polite when they have sleepovers, and he's more than willing to host parties and hangouts

But he doesn't try too hard to impress them, and he doesn't talk to them unless its related to you

Because as much as he loves being around kids (a real big father he wants to adopt everybody he sees)

He doesn't want to impose on any boundaries YOU may have

As a side note though, he's still very observant of your relationships with them

If he overhears any manipulation, or shit talking (about you or not), he's not going to let it sit and exist

If it comes to it, he will contact the parents (And holy fuck they are TERRIFIED i mean imagine a publicly known MAFIA EXECUTIVE contacting you to tell your kid fucked with his ABSOLUTELY NOT GUYS)

If you're into any extracurriculars, he is ALWAYS there

Even if he's overseas on a mission, he has some lower rank attend and clears his schedule so he can watch through a call

Also guys, he practically funds your school?

Your teachers are terrified to cross you because if they do there will be NO SALARY

You complain about anything that happened? He's fixing it up in any way he can

You are his ANGEL, NOTHING will ruin your day as long as he can prevent it.

When you grow up, your options are very clear in his eyes

Either you go to uni and live independent of the mafia, or you inherit his spot when he dies

If you go for neither, he may be a bit shocked, but he'll hesitantly step back

He'll see how it goes, but he's not very confident at first

If it goes well? Fuck, great! He's always in your corner rooting for you

If it doesn't go so well, you always have him as a backup

He'll always be there to take you back with open arms and give you a second, third, fourth, fifth, etc chance. Always

If you do join the mafia, there will be no low rank experience for you

You're straight to the upper ranks. At first, you'll probably be in a position similar to Akutagawa under Dazai or how he was under Koyo

Direct subordinate, his apprentice, his prodigy

And when he dies, you're next in line for his exec spot

There's not even a worry about your skillset, he knows he's trained you well, ability or no ability.

Finally, back to the dilf topic I've mentioned at the beginning

If you go to uni, he has the same problem Dazai had, but WORSE

Fuck guys, he swears he tries to keep out of your friendships, but suddenly everyone's adults and they wont leave him alone.

It's at this point he stops hosting your events (except birthdays) and separates himself

No way is he getting involved with crazy college kids, no way

Overall: 9/10 father

He's a bit absent in your social circle, but he's your dad and thats that

He screams support from the stands and that's really the best you can ask for in a dad <3

┌──────┐

└──────┘

theyre so pathetic together-

theyre all the entertainment you need growing up

constant bickering (lovingly)

they dont involve you in all that

it comes with them both being in seperate factions, but they BOTH work very hard to keep you out of the professional lives

you're their kid, they dont want you in any of the doublesided danger that could get you in

you're probably a secret to everyone except the ADA and the other mafia

And your existence is on a need-to-know basis for everybody else

Dazai is the more present figure in your life, simply because Chuuya has to be a bit more distant

It's the nature of his line of work, anyone he's seen with is a target, and he doesn't want that to be you

He will be at your schooling events still, though. He will be YELLING AND SHOUTING in the stands

Into sports? Every time theres an unfair play he will cuss the living daylights out of the ref

And they just have to let him because theres nothing they can really do about

Dazais the same way, but with less scare factor and way less vigor

After games, he's going to complain WITH you about how lame the whole thing was if you lost, how everything was judged unfairly

They may not get along the best together, but they love each other and especially love you, so they're improving for you

Read: Chuuya is making them improve for you

Dazai thinks hes the victim in all this!

But oh well, if Chuuya makes him apologize when they argue in front of you, he will

When you're all grown up, they both encourage you to find your own path

You've got the chance, thanks to them, and they dont want you involved in their little wars

It's not like you can join any sides, because who would want to be against your dad :(

So really your only choice is moving out, maybe even away-

If you really do want into their business, they both insist you join the ADA

It's safer there for you, and Chuuya would rather have to order his men to not under any circumstances EVER hurt you, than have to watch someone he can't control put you in danger

Plus, he knows Dazai will keep you in the safest position possible

Overall: 7/10 together

They're a nightmare at dinner, and Dazai is sleeping on the couch almost every night

But they adore you and every move you make, so there's no way you're feeling unloved at all

[rwbyrg]

How do you stay positive seeing all the negativity we get for shipping this?

I don't typically talk about discourse, but I know this is something pretty much every RG shipper has faced at some point. So I'll make an exception this once. For anyone that doesn't want to hear about it, I strongly encourage you to keep scrolling.

I'm gonna keep it brief(ish) and vague, but content warning for topics of mental health, abuse, general fandom toxicity and ship discourse.

The short answer is that I've had to completely remove myself from large fandom spaces. I left Twitter last fall, I'm not in any big Discords, and I never check the fandom Reddits. I block bullies, bystanders, and bad faith arguers liberally. I mute words and phrases I don't wish to see, I don't engage with the bad faith takes, and I don't go looking in tags much either.

I surround myself with a small group of friends that I enjoy spending time with and can trust. So I still have outlets to be able to geek out without risk of dealing with the wider community's negativity. This blog was also created as a safe outlet to ramble, join together, or spread positivity about the ship. I know how rough it is for us out there - in the RWBY fandom as a whole, as well as within our own RG shipping spaces. So since I can't be an impartial community leader that helps run events or bigger spaces for us like I used to, this is kind of all I have left to offer.

The slightly longer addition that got way out of hand:

I'm not going to say it's not lonely. That I don't miss being part of a more active, wider group of people that we should have every right to join. But despite how hard some of us tried, there was nothing we could do to change the toxicity that is so deeply rooted at the core of this fandom. The fact that I even tried as hard as I did was 1. a trauma response and 2. just ended up with me - and too many of my friends - getting hurt anyway. I can't regret it because it's how I made the friends that are so dear to me now. But none of us should have had to deal with the cyberbullying, harassment, dog-piling, backstabbing, suibaiting, or any of that other garbage to find the group we have today.

It's extremely fucked up. There's no way to sugar coat it. All of it is abuse and is genuinely traumatizing to many people. I am not using these as buzzwords either. Myself and a handful of my rg shipping friends have literally gone to therapy to help us heal from all the things we've experienced in this fandom. So I have it on the authority of multiple psychiatrists, therapists, and social workers that what I am saying here is true.

Rosegarden and its shippers have become the scapegoat of a toxic community. There are big name fans who've staked their entire platforms on the idea of a rival ship being canon. And so, when they see any of us suggesting a Very Likely alternative to their reality (even if we're minding our own business), they become violent and go out of their way to try and defend it. There are entire servers and friend groups built on bullying this ship and its shippers for similar reasons. Anyone that argues against them, no matter how valid their stance, or how articulately its delivered, is going to become a target. Because we are seen as a threat to a system they directly benefit from. If any of them were to acknowledge how unreasonable or ridiculous all of this is, what would that mean for the circumstances and relationships they've built for themselves? It would all fall apart, wouldn't it?

This is why we also see fellow RG shippers invalidating or blaming us for what we go through. Because some of them have become convinced that if they side with the bullies and paint themselves as "not like those shippers", then they'll be "safe". Which as we all know isn't true. Because the antis attack each other for the smallest offences that don't have anything to do with us anyway.

The RWBY fandom is not alone in struggling with this. Fandoms everywhere are seeing these same patterns play out in different ways. A lot of people without as many stakes in the arguments will often scoff or dismiss it on the basis of it being "so serious, when it's just about fictional characters". And to that, I say: bullshit.

First of all, the people on the other side of the screen dealing with all of this are Real People with Real Feelings and their own lives that are already hard enough as it it. And these sorts of environments, as previously mentioned, can and do cause severe harm. Second, none of this hate has anything to do with fictional characters. That is part of the reason why I am still able to enjoy this ship and this show despite everything I've been through here. Because the fictional characters are simply the means to an end. And while that end is different for everyone, for the bullies - by and large - it offers them power in the face of their insecurities.

The only reason this space is as toxic as it is, is because the loudest voices are often the most emotionally immature. All the reasonable people see the infighting going on and know that engaging with it is a pointless waste of energy. As someone that did try to fight it, I truly don't blame any of them for staying uninvolved. But power comes in numbers; so until a large enough group of the reasonable ones come forward, this fandom will only continue on the course it's headed.

I rambled a lot and I'm not even sure how much of this is relevant to your question. If i were to give a tl;dr to answer you, it is this:

You need to curate your own experience by setting boundaries for yourself that cannot easily be crossed by people or content that is going to upset you.

Recognizing the reason people behave the way they do towards all of this has very little, if anything, to do with the show, the ship itself, or the people shipping it is very liberating.

Don't be like how I was. Don't try and force it when it isn't working. If you are in an environment or a habit that you are getting more harm than joy from: leave. It doesn't always feel like it in the moment, but it is better to be alone than to be surrounded by people who suck. And when you shed the ones that don't treat you well, you open yourself up to more like-minded people that will want to be friends with you anyway.

I say this genuinely with only love and support in my heart, but: touch grass. As often as you can, as often as you need to: get offline. Read a book, engage in other hobbies, connect with people in real life, go for a walk or just get outside if you can. When you start connecting with the reality on your side of the screen more, it puts how pointless and absurd so much of this discourse really is into perspective. Moderation is key.

I'm sorry that all of the negativity has got you down. No one wants to acknowledge how much this sort of thing can affect our well being, but I know first hand how bad it can get. None of it is fair. The feelings you're having are valid and aren't anything to be ashamed about. If you have friends or family you can rely on for support, reach out to them when you need it. If you're in a place where you think the help you need is a bit more specialized, you have my support and encouragement in making the call or doing the research to get started. Therapy isn't accessible and doesn't always work for everyone, but it's not the only option. Before I could afford it, I micro-dosed by reading self-help books and following therapists on Instagram, lol.

I'm not sure what else I can say, and have said more than I meant to anyway. But hang in there, you're not alone, and take care of yourself, okay?💕🫂

[archivalofsins]

The Re-traumatization of Amane Momose Part 2

Today, we'll be continuing off from the previous post discussing Amane Momose's case.

In this post we'll be discussing points four and five.

Four being her father and home-life along with how the other prisoners are a danger to each other and Amane specifically.

Look I'm gonna level with everyone here I didn't want to write this.

Wha- Why?!

Amane's trial fucking sucked and I didn't really want to think about it that much anymore. Yet, I like Amane as a character and Milgram as a whole...

So, I can't keep avoiding talking about the things I enjoy the way I enjoy speaking about them even if I am anxious about the way I enjoy and speak about things that matter a lot to me hurting others in some way. I still owe it to myself to do what I enjoy doing regardless of how it will be received. The other reason was just legitimately you know when you start something and you have all this energy for it but then like you get super fucking sick or sidetracked then after a while you look back at it like oh that...

That also happened. Then I forgot all my points and my brief descriptions for myself were fucked to hell and not helpful. Because they worked solely on yeah I'll remember this later I'll know exactly what point I mean here when I discuss it briefly. Briefly names a color... Me presently with memory problems that are exacerbated through getting sick. Yeah I'm at a loss I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do with that.

Plus, my perspective changed because I've had more time to sit with the information. So yeah... We're dragging everyone into this now more so than I was going to before. So get ready for this doozy because this isn't just the retraumatization of Amane Momose anymore everyone's getting trauma!

Even me because I have the unique fear that by continuing to do this I will get severely sick again. Like this draft is cursed. I can feel the fatigue creeping up on me. I know it's psychosomatic but still. I'm willing to let it win.

So, let's get this over with before Haruka's birthday hopefully.

4. Amane's Father & Homelife

Over the course of Milgram Amane's father is alluded to a great deal. This aspect of her character is something shared between her, Haruka, Yuno, Futa, Mu, and Kazui. All characters who bring up their fathers to varying degrees.

Amane being on seemingly good terms with her father and proud of his character is something that directly contrasts Haruka and Futa's relationship with their fathers. This is something I believe to have been done with intent. As Futa and Amane's circumstances directly parallel the others.

Futa having an absentee mother and Amane having a father who is scarcely present due to his work. Leaving Futa and Amane to be raised by parents who would more than likely dote more on children of the other gender. Something highlighted through Haruka's narrative.

Trial 1 Written Interrogation

Q.05  What is your father like? Haruka: I made him disappointed.

Trial 2 Written Interrogation

Q.04   What’s the origin of your name? Haruka: Apparently my parents wanted a girl. It was decided on long before I was born. Q.06 What do you think of your father? Haruka: I don’t think he was particularly interested in me.

Haruka from the beginning of Milgram brings up gendered favoritism when it comes to parenting. Through subtly highlighting that his parents from the start wanted a daughter not a son. This brings up the concept of daddy girls and momma boys.

The fact that mothers tend to dote on sons more something we see Haruka's mom do a lot when he was younger then attempt to wean him off of as he ages. Because mothers tend to become more hands off as their sons grow older so they can grow into,

22/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Haruka: Mikoto-san. Um, are you ok……?

Mikoto: Ah, Haru-kun. It’s been a while since we last talked, huh. Yeah, I’m fine. Are you doing ok……?

Haruka: Ah, I’m fine. I’ve been enjoying myself, a lot. Um, I’m sorry, for avoiding you. I was a bit scared. Of you, honestly……

Mikoto: Ahhh, yeah. I’ve been lashing out whenever I go to sleep, right? ……it’s fine. Even I think you’re right to be scared. You know, I kinda just hate that I don’t even know what’s going on myself…..haha. Ah, but despite all that you still came and talked to me because it’s my birthday, right? Thank you, you’ve grown into a good man.

Instead of growing too dependent on their mothers. They start actively going you can't rely on me for everything and withholding rewards for what after a point becomes expected behavior. This is something that's not completely dependent on how old a child is as mothers can start doing this at any time or just not dote on their sons at all.

Everyone's parenting style is different a good example of this is in Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha Strikers- Also two moms be upon ye!

People will be like Legend of Korra guys Steven Universe meanwhile in 2007. They walked so other shows could run- Honestly sure yeah they did their thing. Let's stop pretending others things haven't though. By the time those shows released I'd had this for a few years- I'm sorry I'm getting off topic.

People you want good queer rep yeah and I've been having it since I was twelve I won't refuse more though.

The point of me highlighting this is two the distinct difference between these two mom's parenting styles. Which was the reason the staff included it as well. To pretty much highlight having parents will always be having parents regardless of the gender of said parents.

Nanoha is strict with Vivio thinking that if she's helped up each time she trips and falls it will be spoiling her. She wants her to be able to get up on her own even though she's young because that is what she had to do. Fate on the other hand is more sympathetic because she has a whole other home life thing going that we can't go into depth with here because it spoilers. The point is she has the character motivation to see a crying child and go oh no I need to help even if the fall wasn't that bad like Nanoha pointed out.

These are extensions of their character arcs and background personified into their parenting styles. Something that impacts how even the worst of parents tackle parenting their own kids later in life. Now that doesn't excuse anything but it's a projection of experiences onto this new life. Parents try to raise their kids for the realities that they faced even if those are no longer the realities we live in.

Simply because no one can ever know when those things will become reality again. It's not reasonable, fair, right, or justified. It just something that impacts how we treat those around us.

And the example I just gave shows it can start much younger than the age Haruka was. Sometimes you can just skip the doting step immediately if a child's environment is hostile towards them and their parents believe the child needs to be prepared that coddling will not happen. In fact there are forms of attachment in childhood that are viewed as formative from when you're a baby.

If a baby doesn't cry it has psychological implications and how parents respond to a babies crying can impact the sort of attachment the child has to the parent. Haruka is shown to have anxiety around growing close to others and fear of being abandoned/discarded.

This is possibly something rooted in his childhood as well. As the fear mirrors his relationship with his mother. Who dotted on him to start and then began moving further and further away from him as noted through his lyrics,

"Why is it breaking? Tell me why? Please don’t change."

This leads into his anxiety around people changing their minds on him later. Along with serves to explain his volatile reaction to the fact that Es can change their verdict now.

One could say this aspect of Milgram is something that causes Haruka great personal distress and fear which he then displays through bursts of anger. As though being placed in such a situation is forcing him to relive the same trauma that got him into this predicament to begin with.

"Don’t leave me alone, don’t leave me- Why was I born like this? Why does it hurt so much?"

The same reasoning used to draw this conclusion on Haruka can be applied to Amane. Yet, Amane doesn't seem to have trouble with attachment though. She's a very straight forward earnest child. She's not against saying what she feels, verbalizing her needs, or stating when someone is doing something that causes her discomfort.

Her attachment style seems very secure and open.

Well not necessarily... Let's look into the information on this further and try to discern where Amane and some others may fit in the attachment styles based on what little we know about their home lives.

Firstly let's look at what NIH has to say on this matter,

There are four types of infant-parent attachment: three ‘organized’ types (secure, avoidant and resistant) and one ‘disorganized’ type (Table 1). The quality of attachment that an infant develops with a specific caregiver is largely determined by the caregiver’s response to the infant when the infant’s attachment system is ‘activated’ (eg, when the infant’s feelings of safety and security are threatened, such as when he/she is ill, physically hurt or emotionally upset; particularly, frightened). Beginning at approximately six months of age, infants come to anticipate specific caregivers’ responses to their distress and shape their own behaviours accordingly (eg, developing strategies for dealing with distress when in the presence of that caregiver) based on daily interactions with their specific caregivers (7–9). Three major patterns of responses to distress have been identified in infants, which lead to three specific ‘organized’ attachment patterns.

Above is a list of the quality of caregiving implemented and the types of attachment they form.

Sensitive Loving quality of care leads to organized secure attachment.

Insensitive rejecting quality of care leads to organized insecure-avoidant attachment.

Insensitive inconsistent care leads to organized insecure-resistant attachment.

Atypical Atypical care leads to disorganized insecure-disorganized attachment.

Infants whose caregivers consistently respond to distress in sensitive or ‘loving’ ways, such as picking the infant up promptly and reassuring the infant, feel secure in their knowledge that they can freely express negative emotion which will elicit comforting from the caregiver (9). Their strategy for dealing with distress is ‘organized’ and ‘secure’. They seek proximity to and maintain contact with the caregiver until they feel safe.

Just benefits from her parents.

Q.03 What are your parents like? Mu: Kind, cool and beautiful. I’m proud of both my Mama and Papa.

Q.11 Who do you want to see right now? Mu: I miss my friends too- But most of all, Papa and Mama.

Mu displays Organized Secure Attachment.

This is displayed through how she recognizes that if she cries someone will help her.

Along with her Japanese lyrics in It's Not My Fault being able to be directly translated (as many brought up during the songs release) to her acknowledging or pointing out the fact that she is an individual deserving of pity and concern from others. That she has always been an individual deserving of this care, special attention, and prioritization. along with stating that this will never change and it has always been this way.

"I told you I’m queen, and it will never be changed I’ve got EVERYTHING, everything is as I wish."

Mu recognizes that if her story is sad enough and she appears pitiful enough someone will want to save/help her.

This is also highlighted in her first song through the line,

"I don’t want tomorrow to come, I want to forget yesterday I was miserable, someone please help me."

Asking for help, displaying negative emotions, or voicing your issues to others is a sign of secure attachment and faith in the fact that if you voice these things you will receive help instead of being ignored or scorned outright.

Mu also displays she is innately unfamiliar with and irrationally upset by being ignored or overlooked. To an inconsolable extent at times. Being ignored by those she cares for or is interested in is not something she handles well. Because it is not something she has been put through often.

Mu's accustomed to having her needs meet and expects those around her to meet them.

"Hey..why don't you listen to me...? I'm telling you... Hey...HEY, I'M TALKING TO YOU!"

22/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: What’s wrong, Haruka-kun? Did something happen? You shouldn’t look away like that when you’re together with me.

Haruka: Ah, s-sorry, Mu-san. Um…… No, it’s nothing. I just, suddenly got a feeling. That something is about to happen.

Mu: Isn’t that because it’s your birthday? Or perhaps it’s a sign the guard is about to wake up again soon? Fufufu, I bet they’ll be really surprised at a lot of things.

Haruka: That, might be true. But, I want the the guard to see. ……the new, me…….

22/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Mu: Hey~~~ Isn’t everyone a bit gloomy lately? I get that this situation isn’t ideal, but you’re really bringing down the mood for my birthday.

Yuno: Haha, surely even you can tell now’s not really the time for something like that right. Nobody’s really in the mood, or rather nobody has time time to deal with something like that.

Mu: Boo, how boring. You seem to be free, you can celebrate for me. Go on, celebrate.

Yuno: Wow, what a pain. I’m reading the atmosphere properly and keeping quiet. Well, you just go and have fun with Haruka. In the corner somewhere so you’re out of everyone’s way.

21/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Mu: Yuno. Don’t you have something to say to me?

Yuno: Huh? To you? Me? ……ahh, uh? Your birthday, right? Happy birthday~

Mu: How mean… Since it’s my birthday, I really wish you’d said something before I had to come and tell you myself.

Yuno: Right, right, I’m sorry. I’ll be more careful in future~ Later! Haha… things have become even more of a bother… ……so was that Mu-chan’s real personality, then? It’s probably because the guard did something, right?

One of the reasons that Mu is so comfortable with putting expectations like these not only on people she hasn't gotten to know that well yet but complete strangers (in the case of her asking the audience for help through the lyrics of After Pain) is because she's secure in the fact that she will receive it. Not only that but she believes it is only right for her to receive it.

Something she blatantly states later in It's Not My Fault if going by the more direct translations provided on wikipedia,

"It’s not my fault after all, after all! Everyone wants me to be innocent. What a relief. Can’t be helped. Since I’m always meant to be pitied-"

Beautiful day to make people uncomfortable with telling creators what the fuck they actually meant when they made something. Just a wonderful day to do that. It really is fantastic when I can use something that annoyed the hell out of me in the past to support a point now.

We've gone full circle I'm really reflecting on all of my experiences with Milgram thus far. So much has changed. Like the official lyrics of Undercover but not the ones for It's Not My Faults though. The more things change as they say... Seriously though they official translation for It's not My Fault does have grammatical errors that should be changed but it still gets the point across fine.

Here are the other lyrics in comparison.

"Because it’s not my fault I am innocent as everybody desires. I am relieved, I am always the drama queen."

These lyrics don't illustrate the point I'm making as well as the widely accepted more "accurate translation "according to others above. Except they still do support it.

Because the official translation plays on Mu's outward insecurities when she's first brought into Milgram. Along with how she's grown past those anxieties after being found innocent but is thrown back into them when Es brings up how and why they might change her verdict.

It reflects how she wants to believe she did nothing wrong and it isn't fully on her. Along with the genuine relief she feels at a majority of the audience recognizing that. To the point she again exaggerates saying everyone wanted her innocent,

"I am innocent as everybody desires."

Which couldn't be further from the truth.

While also continuing to poke fun at her own insecurities or shortcomings. Like how she's prone to being overdramatic and blowing things up into a bigger deal in her head than they actually are.

Again like saying everyone wanted her innocent which AGAIN-

No that's so far from everyone that you were closer to getting a 50/50 than Haruka was by the end of trial two. Girl that's not everyone it's barely over half.

Yet this habit of hers is something that has been repeatedly pointed out from the start of Milgram.

As this is also highlighted on the board berating Mu in After Pain. Which not only states that she just benefits from her parents but other mocking phrases that highlights she how she takes things further than they need to go such as,

“It hurts~ (cry)”  "Cries at everything" "I did nothing wrong (crying imagery) ←huh?!" "Class 1-A “Trash”noki Mu-chan" (Potential double meaning, since on top of the word “guzu” being used to call someone trash, “guzuguzu” can also mean complaining.)

Her description on the Milgram website continues to highlight this habit of hers to cry at even the simplest of inconveniences as do the Minigrams too,

What follows is a rough rewording of what's in the image.

A beautiful prisoner with an appearance clearly uncommon for a Japanese woman. Despite her slim appearance, she’s the type to speak her mind clearly and rebels against the abnormal situation that is Milgram. At first, she is very wary of Es. Her every move suggests that she had a proper upbringing, most likely being born into a wealthy family. Perhaps it’s due to this that she has a high sense of pride and why when she clashes with others she quickly becomes tearful and complains.

Furthermore one of the things that showcases that Mu has a good relationship with her parents plainly is her own words. She has nothing but good things to say about her parents and implies she misses them greatly. The first thing she does in her interrogation a hostile environment is cry for several minutes than flat out say she wants her parents.

She even states in her written interrogation that she wants to find a man like her father,

Q.05 What do you like in the opposite sex?

Mu: Someone like Papa.

The strategy is said to be ‘organized’ because the child ‘knows’ exactly what to do with a sensitively responsive caregiver, ie, approach the caregiver when distressed.

God gave me everything, everything is as I wish.

And as Star pointed out her favorite place is also just her mothers hometown.

Q.07 What is your favourite place? Mu: Mama’s hometown of Nice. The sea there is beautiful.

A statement that not only implies her being on good terms with her mom simply due to her going out of the way to take Mu to her hometown. But also through her birthday art which has more ties to France and her mother,

Displaying full an well that she does take a certain amount off pride in her lineage and both of her parents. Yet she doesn't have some grand fixation on them they're just her parents. She has a life outside of them. She is the one being parented not the one doing the parenting-

Amane Trial 2 Written Interrogation

Q.10 What was your father’s job? Amane: After a lot of hard work, he became a lecturer. I think it’s something to be proud of. Q.19 Is there anything you wished you parents did for you? Amane: My mother should have kept her faith until the end.

Mikoto Trial 1 Written Interrogation

Q.01 Tell us your family structure. Mikoto: My mother, me, and my younger sister. My sister’s a blossoming high school student. Q.16 What’s your relationship like with your parents? Mikoto: My parents are divorced. I get along well with my mother though, she’s the one who raised me. I don’t want to make her worry.

Mikoto's Written Interrogation Trial 2

Q.01 Do you have a good relationship with your little sister? Mikoto: Absolutely I want to show her how her big bro is working hard in the big city. Q.04 What was the cause of your parents' divorce? Mikoto: He chose work over family. But well, at least that's what my mom told me, so who knows!

Mikoto actively shows insecurity and distrust in his mothers word. Displaying on paper for others to see that she isn't a trustworthy person and prone to exaggerate or embellish to get her point across. Making him uncertain about what the actual truth behind his parents divorce ways because and I quote,

"My mom told me, so who knows!"

On top of that he states she's prone to worrying and she's shown calling him within the same music video he is shown to be getting repetitive harassing and emotionally distressing calls and texts. To the point of wanting to throw away his phone all together.

I also think it's telling that his break down on the train is framed to have happened exactly after his phone call with his mother. As we see him talking on the phone to her directly in front of the same bright window he breaks down in front of earlier.

And when put together the scenes look like they happened in succession as though he hung up and immediately started having a break down. Yet, you know that's just my perspective the perspective of a person with mom issues that have thankfully worked out after repeated trial and error. So I could just be projecting I'm not above it.

I know full and well though that the last thing I'd need after a bad day is being emotionally manipulated into feeling like a failure because I,

A. Haven't visited home in a while.

And

B. I haven't called in much longer.

Because all I have time for is work and sleep. Work-life balance isn't a see-saw it's a noose and I'm hanging hoping the thread breaks.

I'm getting folded by the workforce like laundry that was left to form mildew in the wash, not put on for another rinse and instead just slapped against a wall then hung up to dry. Because we don't got time anymore this is what we have and it reeks but we carry on.

We stay grinding- Get back to work!

Getting the old you failed at your job and home life one-two uppercut ey? Sucks to be you bud but you're holding the record for the worst day speedrun one phone call after another it never stops.

Yuno Written Interrogation Trial 1

Q.07 Tell us your family structure. Yuno: Grandpa, grandma, mum, me, younger brother←Yura Q.19  Who do you want to see right now? Yuno: Hmm. My family, I guess.

Image 1 MINIGRAM EP6 "Cat's Cradle"

[6-1] Yuno: My special move Yuno: Tokyo Tower! Yuno: No reaction?? Sob... Amane: I'm not very familiar with this Yuno: My younger brothers went crazy over this Amane: You're very skillful Kya kya Futa: .....

Image 2: MINIGRAM EP28 "2nd Grade Syndrome"

[28-2] Kazui: Wow.. you're really good...? Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat Yuno: Ahh Yuno: I used to play with my little brothers, so a little.. Kazui: I can't see what you're doing with your hands.. Yuno: My brothers favorites are much bigger tricks Suu.. Kazui: Even bigger tricks?!

Yuno's Written Interrogation Trial 2

Q.06 What do you think of your father? Yuno: Didn’t you ask about my family structure before? I don’t have one, remember? Q.07 You just got given one million yen and need to use it up as quickly as possible, what will you do? Yuno: I’ll go out for a really nice meal together with my family. The rest I’ll give to my friends. Q.15 If you could have one wish granted, what would it be? Yuno: I don’t really have anything. I’m fine as long as my friends and family are happy.

Yuno takes on a caretaker role when it comes to her friends and family. Focusing solely on providing for them when given a large sum of money and saying she's fine as long they're happy. Following the trend of displaying care and paternal affection/consideration towards loved ones. With the same amount of focus on her younger sibling as Mikoto has.

Amane is also referred to as a big sister at the end of Magic. Tying the three together as older siblings who provide care to others in some way. However, Amane admits in her first interrogation that she is in fact an only child.

Q.09 Tell us your family structure.

Amane: It was my father, my mother and me.

She honestly speaks in past tense knowing full and well at this point her mother is dead while her father to her admission in the same interrogation has yet to return,

Q.02  Who do you look up to? Amane: My father. He’s been away on a trip for a while, but I think that’s very honourable of him. Q.13 Who do you want to see right now? Amane: My father. I want him to praise me for all my hard work.

This leaves two possibilities for why Amane refers to herself as big sister in Magic,

A. She may have been put in the foster care system after the death of her mom.

Or

B. She's referring to herself as big sister for religious reasons. i.e to imply seniority to the individuals just learning about her beliefs. Similar to how Mahiru refers to herself as big sister to both Es and Amane.

It could be both of these things as well.

Since Amane admits in both her voice dramas that she wants to spread her beliefs and practices to others. Highlighting her willingness to use Milgram to accomplish this goal. Not just through her the music videos or Milgram's validation if she were voted innocent but through the individuals the prison has given her access to if the opportunity arises.

This also plays into Yuno's comfort in asking Amane for advice on her birthday.

Because if those same things were discussed with her when she was Amane's age than Yuno wouldn't find confiding in someone that age about things like that inappropriate. Because on some level be it conscious or subconscious Yuno would recognize that Amane is a child similar to how she was.

Yuno's First Voice Drama

Yuno: Hmm, it's surprisingly fun? I do have worries about how my family is doing, but… It's kinda like one of those strange, personal experiences.

Es: Fun…is it?

Yuno: That's right. The other prisoners are all entertaining, we sound each other out on various things, and the vibe's pretty nice as well. In such conditions, observing other people sure does make for great fun, you feel?

23/06/27 (Amane’s Birthday)

Amane: What is it…… Kashiki Yuno. Don’t sit so close to me. Go away.

Yuno: Sorry for barging in when you’re getting into your worldview thing. But Mahiru-san’s finally managed to get to sleep. Humour me with some small talk while I take a break. By the way, Amane. Have you ever wished you were never born? I’ve thankfully lived a pretty fun life so far, so haven’t really. But you seem to be struggling with something. So I kinda wondered if you thought like that.

Amane: ……I don’t think that. Being born into this world is the first miracle any person experiences, and is something to celebrate. Even if after birth I was put through trial after trial, the value of that will never disappear.

Yuno: Hmm. Ok. ……happy birthday, then. It’s good that you were brought into the world, I guess.

Yuno Trial Two Voice Drama

Es: It did appear as though you were having fun.

Yuno: Yes, it was fun! They may be murderers, but they're interesting people! It puts me at ease, in a way, that we're all people lacking in something.

In the same vein Mikoto would be more uncomfortable with talking to Amane like an adult given his own discomfort with his mother's possible behavior when he was coming up. So, he would try to avoid doing it and focus more on treating her like someone her age but not demeaning her.

This is displayed in how he deals with both Amane and Futa through the portal timeline and in minigrams. Mostly the ways he restricts himself from confiding in them fully,

21/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Mikoto: ……ah, Futa? What’s up? Did you come to celebrate my birthday?

Futa: Hah!? Like I care about your birthday. ……what’s up with you, though, you’re usually a lot more excited. I thought you were the sort of idiot who’d make a big deal over your birthday.

Mikoto: Yeah, usually that’d be the case. ……I think I must be getting tired. It’s like I’m anxious over something but I can’t really explain what it is…… Like, the feeling that I’ve been totally wrong about something. Haha, but it’s not like talking to you about it is gonna do anything.

Futa: Yeah, yeah, just like you say. Talking to me about it isn’t gonna help. ……but, it’s not like I don’t get what you’re saying. Or rather, I understand exactly what you mean. And if it’s the same thing as I’ve been feeling, then it will just get stronger as time goes on......probably. But anyway, rather than talking to someone like me you should go and bother the others. Go and get showered with their stupid birthday wishes.

20/07/15

Amane: Eh, my studies? I enjoy it. To me, studying is something I do for fun. Do you not think the same, Mikoto-san?

Mikoto: Not at all! It’s just a means to an end…… I just did the bare minimum needed to get into a good company. I actually went to an arts uni that had a pretty low subject requirement to enrol, and from there I studied curation and…… uhh, you don’t really know what that is huh. Hmm. Since your way of speaking is so mature, I keep forgetting I need to explain myself properly……

Amane: It’s fine. If there are any words I don’t understand I can look them up later. An arts university, though…… Does that mean you’re good at drawing, then? It may be a bit rude to say, but that’s rather unexpected.

Mikoto: No, not really…? I mean, I could do the bare minimum needed to pass the entrance exam though. Even though it’s called an arts uni, there’s still subjects where you don’t need to draw at all. I’m the sort of person who tries to be efficient, so I worked backwards from the job I wanted to get into and chose to study subjects like direction and management~ ……ah, I’ve done it again……

20/06/15

Mikoto: Hey, it’s kinda a bother having you be so angry and tense all the time. You should stop trying get everyone to pay attention to you.

You’re a uni student, right? You can’t act like that once you start working properly.

Futa: Huh!? Shut up. Not like I care what you say. Even though we’re in this shitty situation, you’re just chatting away, it’s stupid. Aren’t you the one who’s acting out of place here? ……also the fact you give everyone nicknames is just gross.

Mikoto: *sigh* It’s more stupid to be taking this all so seriously. I mean, it’s definitely just a reality TV program. There’s no way a real prison exists that’s this lax. Also, I don’t give nicknames to everyone.

I don’t give them to young kids like Amane, or to the hard-to-approach types like Shidou-san. I mean, I’m not giving you one, right?

Futa: ……oi, which group are you trying to say I am?

Mikoto tends to take this approach with most people younger than him. More associating himself with the older adults in Milgram but distancing himself when stressed or upset from everyone. Just like Yuno and Amane are shown to do as well.

Infants whose caregivers consistently respond to distress in insensitive or ‘rejecting’ ways, such as ignoring, ridiculing or becoming annoyed, develop a strategy for dealing with distress that is also ‘organized’, in that they avoid their caregiver when distressed and minimize displays of negative emotion in the presence of the caregiver. 

Yuno interestingly enough, has a worse attachment style than Kazui. Her attachment style is more around Mikoto, Amane and Haruka's. Unlike Mahiru (who's attachment is more akin to Mu's), to use as an example, Yuno isn't as willing to voluntarily display negative emotions,

Nor does she often actively seek out her emotional needs being fulfilled by an outside party.

Instead, she focuses on how she can earn those needs being met from others (i.e. what kind of girls do you like? I know you'll respond this way if I do x). Furthermore, she shows discomfort at the idea of being pitied or pointing out her life may not be an ideal one.

Which, as you may be able to tell, is similar to Amane. This is indicative on unhealthy or disordered ways to cope with unsatisfactory circumstances.

Yuno is also conflict avoidant similarly to Mikoto, showcased by how her interactions with Mu within the portal timeline progress over the course of the trials. Instead of telling Mu the issues she has with her the moment she notices them, she opts to avoid her instead. Or if she really must deal with her simply placate her in the moment or give her a distraction.

Hoping Mu will eventually read the room and get the hint like she would be expected to. This leads to Yuno allowing Mu to do whatever she wants, even if it's clearly bothering her. Because Yuno is subconsciously expecting Mu to do what she herself would do intuit that her behavior is a nuisance to the people in Milgram, especially with how circumstances escalate between trial one and two.

Theoretically, this would indicate that Yuno was left to figure out her own problems or ignored as a baby. Which would make her less comfortable asking for or offering help overall. As she would not have the foundational knowledge for that to be something she leans into.

The strategy is said to be ‘organized’ because the child ‘knows’ exactly what to do with a rejecting caregiver, ie, to avoid the caregiver in times of need. This avoidant strategy is also ‘insecure’ because it increases the risk for developing adjustment problems. 

Yuno starts to avoid people when showered with concern or sympathy because it distresses her closing herself off simply because it's something she isn't used to. Just like being ignored isn't something Mu is used to. Meanwhile Amane and Mikoto isolate themselves and withdraw when faced with scrutiny, negative reinforcement, judgement, stress of any kind.

Infants whose caregivers respond in inconsistent, unpredictable and/or ‘involving’ ways, such as expecting the infant to worry about the caregiver’s own needs or by amplifying the infant’s distress and being overwhelmed, also use an ‘organized’ strategy for dealing with distress; they display extreme negative emotion to draw the attention of their inconsistently responsive caregiver.

Q.02 Do you think you were loved?

Amane: Extremely, deeply.

"She’s the one who raised me I don’t want to make her worry." - "Yeah… well, I mean, some days are hard, but… I’m doing alright, don’t worry."

"But it's not scary at all, because it's love."

"It’s like what’s wrong isn’t wrong."

So I will NEVER forgive you if this is happening to me even though I’m right. - So nary a sound can be uttered a second time, I’ll crush your throat too!

Is it ok to spoil myself? - Is this selfish? This isn’t too much is it?

The strategy is said to be ‘organized’ because the child ‘knows’ exactly what to do with an inconsistently responsive caregiver, ie, exaggerate displays of distress and angry, resistant responses, ‘hoping’ that the marked distress response cannot possibly be missed by the inconsistently responsive caregiver. 

22/06/27 (Amane’s Birthday)

Kazui: What’s up, Shidou-kun? You’re looking pretty down. I guess you must be tired, I’ve been relying on you a lot lately.

Shidou: Yeah, I just remembered…… today is Amane’s birthday.

I’m just getting a bit sentimental.

Kazui: Hmm, it’s unfortunate, but at the moment we can’t worry about that. ……you understand, right? There’s something that you need to do right now. And if you tried talking to her your words definitely won’t reach her. Don’t look at me like that. We’ll just wait until the situation changes. Let’s do our best.

Shidou: Yeah. I’ll do what I can. I can’t have a child making a face like that. Even though we’re “murderers”…… we’re also the adults here.

Q.07 Are there any prisoners you get along with?

Shidou: Kayano-kun has become like that, and I can’t spend my time smoking at the moment. So, the smoking trio has disbanded, which is a bit lonely.

However, this resistant strategy is also ‘insecure’ because it is associated with an increase in the risk for developing social and emotional maladjustment.

However, Mikoto and Amane could also fall under Disorganized Attachment,

Approximately 15% of infants in low psychosocial risk and as many as 82% of those in high-risk situations do not use any of the three organized strategies for dealing with stress and negative emotion. These children have disorganized attachment. One recently identified pathway to children’s disorganized attachment includes children’s exposure to specific forms of distorted parenting and unusual caregiver behaviours that are ‘atypical’. Atypical caregiver behaviours, also referred to as “frightening, frightened, dissociated, sexualized or otherwise atypical”, are aberrant behaviours displayed by caregivers during interactions with their children that are not limited to when the child is distressed. There is evidence to suggest that caregivers who display atypical behaviours often have a history of unresolved mourning or unresolved emotional, physical or sexual trauma, or are otherwise traumatized (eg, post-traumatic stress disorder or the traumatized victim of domestic violence)

As there ways of displaying attachment are not entirely consistent with any of the other three. Plus they have both been confirmed or heavily implied to have dissociative disorders which have been tied to disorganized attachment,

Of the four patterns of attachment (secure, avoidant, resistant and disorganized), disorganized attachment in infancy and early childhood is recognized as a powerful predictor for serious psychopathology and maladjustment in children. Children with disorganized attachment are more vulnerable to stress, have problems with regulation and control of negative emotions, display oppositional, hostile, aggressive behaviours and coercive styles of interaction. Disorganized attachment is over-represented in groups of children with clinical problems and those who are victims of maltreatment (eg, nearly 80% of maltreated infants have disorganized attachment). The combination of disorganization and a parental rating of a difficult temperament is a potent predictor of aggressive behaviour in children at five years of age. In addition, disorganized attachment in infancy has been linked to internalizing and externalizing problems in the early school years, poor peer interactions and unusual or bizarre behaviour in the classroom, and higher teacher ratings of dissociative behaviour and internalizing symptoms in middle childhood. Concurrent disorganized/controlling behaviour rated in the preschool and early school years related to oppositional defiant disorders in boys, parent-rated externalizing and internalizing problems, and high levels of teacher-rated social and behavioural difficulties in class. Children classified as disorganized with their primary caregiver at ages five to seven years have lower mathematics attainment at eight years of age.

These academic problems appear to be mediated through effects on self-esteem and confidence in the academic setting. Children with disorganized attachment have low self-esteem, and at nine years of age are more often rejected by peers. Adolescents who had disorganized attachment with their primary caregiver during infancy have higher levels of overall psychopathology at 17 years of age, and those classified as disorganized at five to seven years of age exhibit impaired formal operational skills and self-regulation at 17 years of age. Finally, children with disorganized attachment are vulnerable to altered states of mind, such as dissociation in young adulthood. 

Now that we've gotten possibly attachment styles out of the way let's talk about one of the other parents who would instill those attachment styles, Amane’s father!

He’s noticeably absent from Purge March. It’s stated on one of the documents seen behind Amane that he’s currently absent because he is out doing missionary work. However, we already know how her father is doing with spreading the word of their church as he's shown in Magic.

This is because her father is represented by Yuri throughout her first MV. 

We know this is a stand in for her father for a few reasons.

One, in Magic when the lines,

“I won’t say, “I’ve had enough.” Will you laugh with me and forgive me?”

Are sung we see this image,

Q.09 Tell us your family structure.

Amane: It was my father, my mother and me.

“I hope, I hope everyone can be happy and smile forever. Forever together would be a dream.”

All she did was dream (about having a better family guys). Just like Kazui,

"I realize the futility, but I still can’t help but dream."

And Mikoto- Sorry getting sidetracked. You all voted that poor girl guilty just because she dreamed of having kinder parents. Haha- I'm fucking with you I'm sorry I know that's not why anybody did that shit that was hyperbole I don't need anyone taking that out of context. I'm really just fucking around because I haven't written in a minute and I'm having fun.

Oh, my god could you imagine if I really thought it was that,

"Let’s keep it simple."

Kazui would be having a ball until the last shoe dropped that's for sure. God I hope he's having a ball because the curtain will be rising one last time eventually.

Until then let's keep swinging to the music.

We also see within the scene with Amane, Riyone, and Yuri that the other two mascots are no longer present. It's just the three of them. Something Star and I previously pointed out was odd since Gachata and Gozake were there the scene prior to this one and return for the credits.

However, as they are representative of Amane’s mothers (Riyone’s) punishment methods it makes sense for them to be gone in this scene.

Because, within a perfect dream world for Amane her mother would be just that her mother. A caretaker who she can have fun around and someone who will take care of her when she's hurt or forgive her when she messes up hence the line,

"Will you laugh with me and forgive me?"

However, the end of Magic shows us that all of that is clearly just a dream. A fantasy of how things could have been that ultimately gets broken down by the reality of the situation until the credits roll and there's nothing really left but to face reality.

Because the shows over and when it ends it's back to real life.

Leaving us with this one snippet of Amane's reality in Magic at the very end of it,

Right before the Milgram credits roll.

Which is honestly the most subtle lead in to the very on the nose display of dissociation we get after and is a scene that goes wildly overlooked. Like do a full watch through of Milgram trial one all together and see Magic and MeMe back to back and you'll see just how well one leads into the other.

One ending on this distorted tv like effect the screen in front of the character reflected in their eyes straight into the tv footage of MeMe. Like that was planning and intent right there. That's only more appreciated in hindsight.

Milgram fans will be like I dissociate to media and then vote the one character who's canonically shown doing that from jump first guilty because she's religious. Mikoto did that shit second. Oh man coming back with self callouts too this will certainly be a day. I didn't appreciate it when I should have. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes.

I'm sorry can you laugh and forgive me. (Amane begins crushing my throat). Look I was born and raised in the cult happy midwest of the USA and don't trust people who advertise they're trying to spread any good word actually ever regardless of what the religion is. I just don't trust like that. Because again when cults and gangs are a prominent issue within your area you're kind of raised not to.

As said earlier, Amane's father is hardly there.

However, Amane's mother may be using his absence to use him as a tool to make Amane more obedient. Or, a better way of phrasing it, more willing to listen to her specific version of their religion. This would offer an explanation as to why there is a picture of him on the back of their front door. It would make it all the more easier for Amane's mother to point at it, citing that she's not acting in accordance to his teachings, or that what she wants Amane to do does. Also explaining why Amane says that she wants her father to praise her in one of her interrogation questions.

Q.13 Who do you want to see right now?

Amane: My father. I want him to praise me for all my hard work.

It explains the discrepancy of her father's presence in Magic when Amane is found helping the cat vs his absence in Purge March.

Since we know in reality that Amane's father was present for any of this but her mom was told after. Yet Yuri is still shown disappointed in the background and Amane has stated one of the goals of her actions was making her father proud. Couple with lines such as,

"I’ve made up my mind so they don’t make that face at me again."

Along with the fact that all of the other mascots faces within Magic are blank and Yuri is the only one visibly disappointed or upset by Amane's behavior. It's pretty likely that this is a case of separate parenting styles and their impacts on Amane being displayed through her songs.

Something Amane brings to the forefront during her first voice drama as she states that her parents would have lectured her for another hour if she were late to such an appointment. Giving the impression that when her parents were both involved in reprimanding her the punishments were a lot less severe.

While making it seem like her father was more prone to voicing disappointment in her not through physical scolding- Something the mascot Yuri is shown to dislike doing but verbally.

Re-contextualizing Amane's repeated lyrics of,

"I swear! I'm going to be a good girl now! That's it!"

As a promise she's making to her dad after having it explained to her why her behavior was wrong or inappropriate. Something that would also give a different meaning to the right answer, wrong answer animation that happens near the beginning of Magic.

Yuri is also the only one of the mascots to not have the cults double cloud symbol on their body. It's only on the collections box he carries. Denoting that her father may not follow the same beliefs as her mom or at least not as strictly.

Then as I brought up before Yuri is the only one to show hesitance when physically punishing Amane. He even appears visibly upset when made to do so. In contrast every other mascot that is used to represent her mother or her mother’s forms of punishment is shown to either be indifferent, disappointed or at peace with delivering these punishments.

I also find it telling that all these punishments are delivered in separate closed off spaces without the others being visibly present when they are cycled through.

Yet, the one time that Yuri is present for a punishment it is the lightest one Amane receives. More than likely representing how her mother knows her behavior is out of line and she does not behave this way when her father is present due to understanding that.

Something already implied through the scenes described and shown above and how they are separated from each other when the harsher punishments occur. Furthermore, despite the punishment being lighter Amane still braces herself expecting her mother’s punishment to be the same as it is when her father is not around.

Then to add onto this instead of looking at Amane Gatchata is instead looking over at Yuri’s to gauge their reaction. Their left pupil being slightly higher than where it would need to be to look at Amane.

Those are all of the reasons I believe Yuri to be a standin for Amane's father.

Now, by this point many have noted that the purple in Amane's eyes is a color unaffiliated with the cult. However, the color is not unaffiliated with Amane or her behavior within this cult environment.

In fact, we see the same color in Magic,

in conjunction with orange.

These colours seem to represent ideals that have been instilled within Amane. Orange being from her father and purple being from the school she attended. These ideals conflict with her mother's teachings, so would lead to long term conflicts between Amane and her mother. As talked about above and within the previous posts, her mother's and father's teachings don't fully align.

Amane is also alluded to watch a tv program which prominently features a character called a "Healthy Tomboy".

As you can see, this character (as depicted in Magic) has band-aids for ears. Implying that one of the reoccurring themes of the show is to teach how to provide light medical aid to those that may need it (for example... maybe tying a handkerchief around a cut to prevent infection and further bleeding?).

This plays into Shidou asking Amane to help him when she confronts him on his behavior,

22/10/24 (Shidou’s Birthday) Amane: ……Kirisaki Shidou. How long do you plan on continuing this foolish behaviour? Shidou: I wonder what you might be referring to there. I’m just doing what I need to do. If anything, I’d be happy if you would lend me a hand. Amane: I warned you. I can no longer turn a blind eye to this wickedness taking place right in front of us. You’re bringing ruin unto yourself. Do you understand? Shidou: No, I don’t understand. It’s my job as an adult to teach you that throwing a temper tantrum isn’t going to make everything go your way. If it’s a test of endurance you want, I’m happy to oblige, Amane.

There is also just the matter of what she would learn at school, such as things like science and biology. Incidentally, kids being taught things like this at school is why in the states, deeply religious families choose to home school their children instead of allowing them to go to a public school. As it gives them a larger degree of control of what exactly their kids learn and internalize. However, this is something that is not allowed in Japan, thus not an option either of Amane's parents are able to choose.

( Star here! Learning about science and biology would highlight how you could help with preventable issues and how leaving said issues to fester could make things worse for the person experiencing them. This would probably stick with Amane, as a long standing trait that we've seen her have is compassion.

Furthermore, this would be exasperated both by the fact that Amane's father doesn't seem to stay at home very often and the implication that she was very much favoured by him when he was around. This might have led to Amane's mother not only taking out her upset at the disconnect between her and her daughter but also a twisted envy/frustration at Amane taking her husband's attention. Which, I need to specify, isn't a good reason to abuse a child but it does add context.)

5. The Threat All the Prisoners Pose

Now we're going to speed through this one by one. Because there are a lot of threats the prisoners pose and also I'm on a deadline because Haruka's birthday is today!

So to make this easier on myself let's talk about the risk of each prisoner alongside how much of a threat Haruka can be considered to them based on his own admission.

Since he states with not much prompting that he can kill anything smaller than him.

"...You're. You're so mean... I, I-I can kill anything that's smaller than me, you know!"

Before attempting to attack Es. Which people loved to forget during his trial but Amane with those scissors am I right? Like I know she's Innocent and he's guilty but like in hindsight... I really didn't see this aspect of his case being discussed or highlighted as much.

Especially when it came to arguing for him being guilty where this information would be the most helpful for pushing the idea that he should have been. Honestly I wasn't making that argument myself I was in favor of a 50/50 or innocent again because clearly people changing their opinion of him is very triggering to him.

Yet I wasn't that involved with the fandom back then. I was more just starting and this blog didn't even exist yet. So maybe others did argue that and I didn't see it.

However, most of the arguments in favor of him being guilty were more focused on either his safety or Mu's. Something I wouldn't point out so heavily if the same thing didn't happen with Mikoto as well. Where a lot of people conveniently forgot he spent his first voice drama wringing Es out like a wet rag and slapping 'em against pavement.

Haruka is 174cm or 5"7. Meaning by his own admission he is a threat to whatever is beneath that height.

Jackalope: 80cm

Threat Level: COULD BE KILLED BY HARUKA

Jackalope is a tiny animal we see Haruka kill many throughout his songs. Chances are since we haven't gotten an end of trial commencement notice he may be dead. Would that be fucked up or what. However, Jackalope states in es' voices drama that the prisoners cannot attack administrators. Something that Jackalope himself is. So put away the cake, the party poppers, and balloons. Jackalope is either being lazy or watching the messiest shit imaginable and laughing his as off.

He's not going anywhere anytime soon unless- Mikoto can attack administrators let's hope he doesn't get a taste for rabbit. Amane and Jackalope seem to be accomplices so if Haruka did successfully attack Jackalope that would explain why in his headphone lines he's apologizing to Amane. Because he would be well aware she liked Jackalope by this point.

But it's not very likely because the barrier did stop Haruka from attacking Es in his second voice drama. So, it would more than likely serve the same function for Jackalope.

Es: 157cm

Threat Level: MENACE PRISON GUARD (YOU CAN'T KILL ME STUPID)

Literally states in Haruka's second voice drama despite spending most of Mikoto's first one getting spun like a hula-hoop that Haruka can't kill them due to the barrier that had already failed once. So, Es lucky it worked this time and they were in fact correct. Mikoto could still in fact jump Es. Because he is unrestrained to Jackalope's admission and the verdict he received did nothing to change that fact.

So, we just have to trust he won't do anything wrong which definitely worked with the prisoner he's paired with first trial. But I'm fine with wrong being done in the right direction and sometimes that's all you can really hope for on this bitch of an earth. I'm not responsible for what this dude does with his freedom anyhow.

Yuno: 156cm- 5"1

THREAT LEVEL: COULD BE KILLED BY HARU-HM UH MAYBE NOT...?

It's highlighted in Yuno's first voice drama that her attitude would not change even if Es was a large individual using violence against her.

Yuno: Isn’t it odd? Even though you’re a prison guard, you’re about my age, aren’t you? Or even a little younger?

Don’t care.

Yuno: Look, look. It’s impossible, isn’t it? To break out in a cold sweat over a face that cute.

Huh?

Yuno: [giggles] Even if you furrow your brows like that, it’s not gonna happen.

Frustrating and disagreeable beyond belief! Not to mention, I can counter your point.

Yuno: Oh, oh. Let’s hear it then?

If I were a strong man, who tried to control you with violence, I don’t think your attitude would change even then.

Yuno: Hm. Sure. Sounds about right.

Right? It’s… your very own temperament which is the problem! Therefore, this has nothing to do with my appearance. Absolutely nothing to do with it!

Yuno: Getting super worked up over it, aren’t you? Well, that’s okay. So, that concludes the first round!

Something she fully states is just about right. Not denying the assumption at all.

So, if Haruka can kill anything smaller than him then Yuno might just be able to kill anything larger than her. I'm interested to see Haruka try but like in the same way I'm interested in seeing a stoat fight a rabbit I know the stoats going to win. I'd be more surprised if it didn't.

I would not recommend anyone other than Kazui, Mahiru, or Mikoto fight Yuno. Even then it'd be tentatively like only if you have to but maybe just fucking avoid doing that.

Not making Yuno you're enemy is much more beneficial than any reward from having a conflict with her is worth. Because chances are you have a conflict with her you're losing your life too. She has admitted that no one is important to her even herself. She does not care she has gone on record saying I don't matter and neither do you.

Yuno is the type who will die on that hill with you but make sure you stop breathing first. Then if by some miracle she lives she's probably not even gonna be happy about it.

Her response to Mikoto's fight was to marvel at his strength.

"Also, Mikoto-san was also attacked but apparently it ended up in something of a draw. That guy was strong, huh—how unexpected."

Then call Kotoko an idiot for acting violently where everyone could see. Naw, I'm not fucking with her, I don't know if Haruka could kill her or not. I doubt it but it would definitely be a square up.

I just wouldn't recommend anyone fuck with her like at all. Just don't bother her.

Also she may kill Mu. Because Mu simply refuses or does not know how to read a room/take a hint and stop bothering her but I've discussed that before.

Fuuta: 165cm- 5"4

Threat Level: AN EYE FOR AN EYE (COULD BE KILLED BY HARUKA)

He could be killed by Haruka but seems to be on good terms with him. So, I don't think he would be attacked by Haruka. However, he is planning to attack Kotoko, along with possibly Shidou, and Mikoto.

Kotoko did a good job of making enemies with her actions in response to trial one and Futa is reactionary. He partakes in reactionary violence it would not suprise me if he tried to attack her.

Look when people start talking like,

Q.12 Are there any prisoners you don’t get on with?

Futa: Can you not tell by looking at my face? Obviously Kotoko.

Then maybe they just have an issue with that person and may act on it.

Yet, maybe this is a situation where being apart of whatever Amane has going on will make it so he can't do that. Since it goes against the tenants recited in Purge March. He'd only be able to react to a wrong done to him after this point unless him and Amane are both petty. Which at that point we have a different set of issues entirely.

However, it seems that Futa and Amane are more absorbed with Shidou's actions which given Shidou has been abundantly clear about extracting that fang. People should be hoping he's jumped by a middle schooler and a college student.

Makes Kotoko's life a bit easier honestly.

Muu: 162cm- 5"3

Threat Level: MOM

She's Haruka's mom if he didn't kill the one in the mvs (to our knowledge currently) I'm not that concerned about her safety when it comes to Haruka. She seems to mostly be trying to make herself useful while not handling her verdict as well as she could be.

However, since she's focused on making use of herself, chances are she's not going to be interested in causing any trouble. Because that would be counterproductive to displaying her worth in this instance. Now, since most of her utility hinges on taking care Haruka that creates a conflict of interest when it comes to him possibly dying.

Because no one else needs her. So, if Haruka were to die, she may react poorly to that. Even though she said she supported him in all his endeavors because that's what friends do. This was also one of the reasons I thought the continued foreshadowing of the suicide was odd because it would be incredibly unhelpful to Mu if he did do that.

Like that's actually just not going to help her at all and it doesn't seem like something he wants to do. It also doesn't really cover why it took him so long to plan it and why he would need to tell others ahead of doing it. The only thing that explains the amount of time it's taken is that we were expressedly told nothing noteworthy is able to happen until after the trial.

Mu does seem to be upset with Yuno and projecting the same animosities/expectations she had for her victim onto her. So, that's an issue to look out for. Oh, she seems a bit jealous of Mahiru, which has been a consistent thing. Mahiru is also still in a very vulnerable position because Shidou is simply a bad doctor, so she would be easy to kill.

Shidou: 180cm- 5"9

Threat Level: IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?!

Couldn't be killed by Haruka based on Haruka's own logic. Because he's larger than him. However, he can in fact catch heat from that middle schooler that's half Haruka's size. I don't know what Amane has planned but I think that shit would be hilarious. Haruka is five foot seven Amane is four foot seven.

I don't think Haruka should have tapped out so early. He needs to expand his horrizons. He could kill Shidou. Hell, if they all work together- I'm sorry, but no, Shidou has a serious target on his back.

Not just from Futa and Amane but Kotoko as well. He pretty much successfully attempted to take her position and cemented himself as indispensable to Es something she failed to do. I don't defend Kotoko a lot (when I do, I am simply the best at it), but if she did kill him I would understand why.

The dude isn't hiding the fact that he kills kids and he's been innocent twice. He doesn't even seem remorseful from her perspective it could really appear that Shidou is taking advantage of Es because they're a child. Something she could view as him doing with his victims before this as well, depending on the knowledge she has.

Which is honestly the same thing she was doing but she dislikes herself as well to an extent. So, that's not saving him at all. On top of that, he's actively stated that he has issues with her repeatedly,

Q.06 Do you forgive Kotoko?

Shidou: No. I can’t forgive someone for trying to achieve things with violence.

Mahiru: 154cm- 5"

Threat level: INCAPACITATED???

We haven't seen her move from Shidou's sight in over a year. Her verdict changed to innocent and we have no implication of her getting better. The funniest shit that could happen is she kills Shidou for being a bad doctor. I don't know if she would and currently her mental health seems to be more of a longstanding issue. But ya know I think she should be allowed to kill in Milgram just a small bit.

I mean I really wish she could-

*the monkey paw curls a finger and she kills Mikoto*

Ah, shit I really need to stop leaving that out! The only prisoner that Mahiru has actually had an issue with is Mikoto. She doesn't seem to get along with him that well and accuses him of being a cheater off rip. On top of that their relationship hasn't seemed to improve any.

Plus, there's that one answer from trial two on Mikoto's end-

Q07. What are your thoughts about Mahiru?

Mikoto: How cruel. To think "I" did something like that, I can't believe it.

So, ah ehh who am I to say... Like that was weird wonder what that was about.

Kazui: 186cm- 6"1

Threat Level: IF MILGRAM WAS AN ALL OUT BRAWL! (Can't be killed by Haruka)

Though if we all work together as Mikoto has recommended to Kotoko- Kazui could get fucked up. Kicking Kazui's ass is a team sport. (Star: A contact sport too! :D) As Kazui said himself if Mikoto and Kotoko worked together he would be fucked.

Who knows, maybe because Mikoto was found innocent this trial by Milgram's own rules, the ones Kotoko claims to respect... Well, maybe she might work with him. And Kazui can still get his ass kicked after all. If not he has blatantly stated that Yuno is bothering him it may not be enough to act on it, but that's really the only complaint he's had, which is kind of odd.

Considering Kotoko jumped people which he did have complaints about too. But really, he's just been relaxing. I don't really know what he might do. It just seems like, at this point, he really is waiting for this to be over.

Amane: 144cm- 4"7

Threat Level: DON'T RUN WITH SCISSORS! (Could be killed by Haruka)

She only wants to kill Shidou. I don't even think she'll really be able to do that, considering there are a lot of interpersonal dynamics at play that we simply aren't completely aware of. Because a lot of the prisoners have been remaining pretty private, including Amane herself. Since she's been having Futa go around for the most part trying to convince others to join her cause.

Now, do I think she definitely couldn't kill Shidou? No. Not really. I think she could do it if she really tried. Like put all her effort into it. Yet she recognizes she would need help.

Amane has not lied about her distaste for Shidou's behavior.

However, Shidou is a man in his thirties at this point. The fact that he was willing to have a longstanding altercation with a middle schooler for any reason makes him someone not worthy of my respect. He can't respect kids, himself, his career, or his loved ones. Nothing will ever make up for the emptiness that fills that man and the worst thing about Amane wanting to kill him in my eyes-

Is the fact that he came in here wanting to be killed by a kid to begin with. I take no satisfaction in the idea that his desire may be granted. He is an irresponsible selfish man-child who would sooner let Amane kill him by jumping on the scissors she had multiple times and call that atonement than actually try to live.

Outside of that, Amane hasn't really threatened anyone else. I don't personally consider the idea of Shidou getting what he wanted from the start an actual threat. Because again, that's what he wanted.

Mikoto: 176cm- 5"7

Threat Level: UNRESTRAINED (Can't be killed by Haruka)

He's unrestrained, still. That is why he was given the restraints he was in within his second voice drama. He doesn't have to play by Milgram's rules, which plays into Kotoko calling his existence a sin during the birthday interaction she had with him.

Because his existence is literally going against Milgram's rules to an extent.

Do I think that's dangerous? No, for various reasons I've given before. If Mikoto or the other one wasn't restrained by Milgram's rules the entire trial and they didn't take that opportunity to hurt anyone here. Then, chances are Mikoto still won't do that even over the course of the intermission.

However, I'm not so optimistic or invested in Mikoto's good image to not admit- That he very easily could have chosen not to do anything during the trial to give himself more credibility. Then continue to excuse anything he does later as being the others personalities fault. It's not likely that this will not work because his second trial hung on the fact that depending on the verdict he received Mikoto (the prisoner brought into Milgram) wouldn't be around anymore if he was voted guilty and things would calm down if he were innocent.

So, simalrly to Mu, he to has a vested interest in not causing any trouble to make that appear to be the case. I can't imagine him doing anything out in the open where everyone could see.

Which brings me to my next point,

Whatever happens during this intermission has been consistently foreshadowed as things that will happen in the open and things that will happen behind closed doors.

Ultimately up to the discretion of the prisoners.

Kotoko: 171cm- 5"6

Threat Level: VIGILANTE THROUGH AND THROUGH

Vigilantes work in the shadows outside of the accepted law of the land.

Kotoko knew how to work discretely before being brought into Milgram. She may have only done the things she did so openly because she was voted innocent from the get-go. Now, she may realize that doing things the way she did was a mistake and she overplayed her hand. That as she implied in her second voice drama and mv people enjoy when others get what they deserve but don't want to feel directly responsible or connected to their downfall in any way. Meaning there's a good chance she'll just do what she did before Milgram and take matters into her own hands.

It wouldn't be anything new for her.

Yet, at the same time, it wouldn't make things easy for her either. That wouldn't be anything new since she's always been the sort to know that the road she chose to walk isn't an easy one and wouldn't make her well liked.

So, I don't really know how much that will deter her now.

Long story short, anyone could do anything at any time. That's just how people are in general. Instead of trying to predict how someone will move if you do x or y people should try to think about what they most want to do themselves instead. At least, that's the easiest way I've found to avoid having regrets.

Now excuse Star and I as we go pass out!

[lupins-hehim-pussy]

Just speed consumed all of addison lee very much enjoyed I am waiting with my popcorn for next chapter! I did have a wonder while reading, what is Wriothesley's scope of vision? Is it like this needs to be 3 inches in front of his face? Can he see faces clearly if he's close enough? Loving the fic, keep writing!

The short answer is:

No matter how close he gets, it's still gonna be unclear. It's not quite like myopia/short-sightedness where the blurriness can change with glasses/distance. His vision is more like looking through foggy glass. If something is pressed right up to the glass, you can see it more clearly, but it will still be foggy. Additionally, the guy has always been red/green colour-blind, so that doesn't change even after his war injuries, but because his vision is worse in general, he can barely tell colours apart lol. Unless it's bright blue.

LONG ANSWER UNDER THE CUT.

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA HEHEHHHEHEHHE WHUAGHAHA sorry. I like to infodump about my fics.

Not kidding when say this: I have a document that have notes on every single year in the 10 years between the Celestia war and current INGITAL events.

Unfortunately this was all planned before Sigewinne release, so I didn't have her canon birthday (AND I DON'T CARE ABOUT CANON ANY MORE I'm burying my head in the sand.) but it accounts for every year that Sigewinne grew up and some other random lore bits. "What does this have to do with my question?" you ask. Well, I have the 10-years progression notes specifically to keep their life events in order and Wriothesley's and Neuvillette's healing progress consistent KJNDSKJNSANSKJHASDJNJSNDKJNASJNDSAJNKSAKJ.

SO. Detailed answer is this:

At this point in INGITAL, if you stand 1-2 meters away from him and wave, he's gonna notice if he's looking at you, paying attention, and you're both indoors, or he's wearing sunnies. He's not gonna be able to recognise anything, though, he can just tell something is moving. He can sort of read regular text on a computer screen at about 2-3 inches (on a good day) using his better eye (left, so he always sorta lean that way when he's trying to look at something), but it's a struggle and he'd rather not do it. His right is worse.

There's also his field of vision. So like, his peripherals are pretty much gone, and he has some dark patches/blind spots. He's also light-sensitive, so everything's kinda painfully bright sometimes, but his vision is also bad in the dark, so he needs a happy medium, but that can shift from day to day.

Very rough idea of what Neuvillette might look like to him on a sunny day. Veeery rough idea. I'm not blind I just researched a lot.

And then, regardless of what he can actually physically see, if his eyes hurt or feel too sensitive to keep open, it's all moot anyway. And once again, usually that depends on the day.

When Sigewinne was born, he had functionally decent vision in one eye (had a corneal transplant on his right). Legally can't get his driving licence, but y'know, he still felt confident enough to drive (Neuvillette did not let him, though.) The transplanted eye deteriorates over Sigewinne's first few months, and so did his better eye. He got another surgery for his left eye (the better one) when Sigewinne was about one, and that lasted for a bit, but by the time she's two, he's pretty much considered legally blind. By the time she's four, he does most things on his own and his other issues are managed as well, which is why they decided to have a second kid, and they had Carole when Sigewinne was 5. But Neuvillette struggled a bit with that second pregnancy. I mean, his first wasn't exactly rose and rainbows, but he his mental health nose-dived with the second one for a while. It's because he's been so focused on keeping it together while Wriothesley recovers that he hasn't fully dealt with his own trauma until his second pregnancy. Because yeah, thinking your husband died while you're carrying your first baby was traumatic. They've both got PTSD. By the time Sedene comes about though, they're all good. Sedene's pregnancy was a breeze, there was just Covid lockdowns HAHAHAHA. And then, if I go through with another pregnancy at the end of INGITAL, well... That's for me to know and for you to ponder.

[By the way, Clorinde mentioned going over to their house for Wrio's birthday 8 years ago in Chapter 9, which is when Sigewinne was 3 and he was 28. His previous birthday (his 27th) was a disaster. Had a big fight with his husband. So that's another morsel of lore from the 10-years-of-plot document.]

There's a scene planned somewhere in all this, where Neuvillette shows him some of their photos on one of the days when his vision is better. Photos of eeeeveryone their kids and their friends and all. He printed them out and edited them to raise the contrast so Wriothesley can see it more easily. Wriothesley voice: Ajax is fucking ginger? [This is lore relevant. No spoilers though.]

[gtbutterfly]

Quincy and the forest Giant part five

finally came up with a proper title for this series. anyways, here's the comfort part of "hurt/comfort", as promised in the last chapter. I hope you enjoy it. criticism is appreciated.

previous part

tw: mentioning death and squeezing, though none actually happens.

______________________________________________________________

It felt like a couple of hours later. I was still under the pillow, holding myself. I had stopped crying a while ago, now I was just numb. It was still raining outside, thunder roaring every so often. Occasionally, I would hear Ella walking by. She didn’t speak to me for a while, sometimes I would feel her walking behind the couch behind me, or see her looking at me from the other side of the room while I hid from her under the pillow. Finally, she left the room and came back a couple of minutes later with a massive paper towel with some more stale bread on it.

“Hey,” the giant said, sitting on her knees in front of the couch, and placing the plate next to the pillow. She was rubbing her neck. “It’s about lunchtime. You should eat something.”

I stayed silent. I was actually hungry, even if all there was to eat was the large, stale bread, but I didn’t want to come out of my hiding spot. I didn’t want to expose myself to her. I heard the giant sign in response to my silence.

“Come on, come out of there, I want to talk to you,” Ella said, sounding more annoyed. “You're not in trouble or anything, just come out.” I still didn’t budge from my spot.

“I….I am not h-hungry…” I lied, trying to get Ella to go away. She groaned with more annoyance.

“Look, I’m trying to be nice to you after what happened, and you’re going to accept it, ok?” Ella said. “Don’t make me yank you out from under there, kid.”

I hesitantly crawled out from under the throw pillow and looked down in nervousness, avoiding eye contact with the giant. 

“There you are,” Ella said, glaring down at me. “I got you some food,” she pushed the piece of bread towards me. I stared at it for a moment before stepping onto the paper towel and picking the bread up, taking a small bite. It was hard and nearly crunchy. 

“Do you not like it?” Ella asked. I looked up at her.

“Um…its…..uh, its ... .um…a bit stale….” I said sheepishly.

“Do you want me to get you something else? Water? Fruit from outside?” The giant asked.

“Um, no thanks, I’m fine,” I said, taking another bite. The giant sighed and leaned on her elbow on the couch. She seemed like she didn’t know how to say what she wanted to.

“So…about earlier, your… you're fine now, right?” she asked.

“Wh-what?” I said, confused as to what she meant.

“You're not like, traumatized or anything from what I did to you, right? I mean,your not crying anymore,”

“...yeah, I’m not… crying…” I said,

“So you're fine? We’re good?” Ella asked. I struggled with wwhatto say to her. I was silent for a few moments before I heard her sigh. “You’re still afraid, aren’t you?”

“Um….well….um….” I stumbled over my words while answering her, “your…very big…and you…um…you can be….um”

“I can be what?” Ella asked sternly. “Intimidating? Mean?”

“Well...um…..” I nodded and shrugged at the same time. Ella sighed again.

“We should talk about this somewhere else,” she said, reaching her hand towards me.

“Huh? Wait, don’t-” 

The giant suddenly picked me up, wrapping her hand around my torso and giving me a light squeeze as she casually walked into the kitchen and plopped me onto the table. She sat down in a chair while I tried to stand back up. She sighed before talking. 

“Look, I didn’t mean to go that far when I was…threatening you earlier,” she said, looking down as if she was ashamed. “I wouldn’t actually hurt you, let alone ‘make you go missing’ like I said. I was just trying to get you to listen to me and stop asking questions. I didn’t mean to make you cry or anything, ok?”

“Um…ok…” I said, still scared.

“Good, I just wanted you to understand that.” she said. “As long as you're here, I’m in charge of you, and you have to listen to me, but that doesn’t mean I’ll hurt you, understand?”

“...sure…” I said, looking down. Ella sighed slightly and looked closer at me.

“Don’t lie to me, Quincy.” the giant said.

“I…I’m not…” I gulped to calm myself down, “I’m not lying,”

“You still think that I’d hurt you,” Ella said sternly. “You're shaking and mumbling when you try to talk. If you trusted me not to hurt you, you wouldn’t be doing that.”

“I…you…well ... .your…you're not doing a very good job convincing me.” I said,

“Look, I explained myself, I told you I didn’t mean to make you cry like that, I don’t know what else you would want from me to give me your trust.”

“You…you didn’t even…apologize…you…you’re acting like you didn’t do anything wrong, and this is just some kind of misunderstanding…” I said, looking down.

“Is that not what this is?” Ella asked, even more stern. “You misunderstood me, and thought I would hurt you.”

“You….you threatened me…you squeezed me….” I said, closing my eyes to brace myself for Ellas reaction.

“Squeeze you? What are you talking about?” Ella asked. “You mean when I was holding you tight earlier to bring you here? That was so I don’t drop you. You wouldn’t want to fall from that height, kid,”

“No…when you were yelling at me,” I said, “you…you were holding me tight again, and….your grip squeezed me while you were yelling…..and it hurt…like you were going to crush me…” Ella was silent for a moment hearing this. Her expression lightened and her eyes got wider as she looked at me.

“What? You mean I hurt you?” Ella asked, suddenly sounding horrified. “Are you still hurt? Did I break anything?”

“Um, no…I’m fine now…..a little sore, I guess,” I said,

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Ella asked,

“You…you were mad at me…” I said.

“You…you thought I did that on purpose?” Ella said, sounding both horrified and angry at the same time. “I…I wouldn’t…I honestly didn’t mean to…” her expression softened more as she sighed, looking at me with guilt. “are you sure you're not hurt? Are you okay? Do you need anything?” 

“No, I…I’m fine, it's ok,” I said. 

“It's not ok, I hurt you,” Ella said in a serious, yet sympathetic tone, “I could have actually injured you, or crush you, I…” The giant sighed again, closing her eyes and looking down with guilt, before looking back at me. “I’m sorry, Quincy.”

“For….for squeezing me?” I asked.

“For squeezing you, for making you cry, and for yelling at you in the first place.” Ella said. “I really, truly, sorry.”

“Um, it's okay, Ella,” I said looking up at her, “it only hurt for a moment anyway. It's fine.”

“It's not fine, Quincy. Your 13, you’re just a kid.” Ella said, full of guilt and anger at herself. “I yelled at a child. I made a child cry and hide from me. I almost killed a child…” 

It seemed like she was more so talking to herself at this point, trying to come to terms with what she did. What she could have done. There was still sternness in her voice, but none of it was directed towards me anymore. It was all towards herself. She was angry at herself. 

“It's ok, its…its over now. You don’t have to worry anymore,” I said, trying to calm the giant down.

“This is exactly why I’m not supposed to be around normal humans,” she muttered under her breath. I guess if she was normal size, I wouldn’t have heard it. But she's not, and I heard what she said perfectly. 

“...not allowed?” I asked. Ella looked at me for a second embarrassed and still ashamed of herself. She sighed and looked down.

“Quincy…” he sighed again, frustrated. “The reason I didn’t want you asking those questions..” she paused, “is that..the more you know about me, about this, about my job, where we are, what I am, the more you know about those things, the more danger you will be in.”

“Danger from what?” I asked.

“...not me, hopefully.” the giant sighed. “With what you know now, there's a good chance you’ll be fine…for the most part. But if you find anything else out, you won’t be. Bad things will happen to you, and I don’t want those things to happen, but I can’t keep them from happening unless you stay unaware of these things. Do you understand?”

It took me a moment to answer, “ok…I understand…” Ella grew a soft smile as I nodded. 

“Good, I’m glad we could work this out,” The giant said, still looking sympathetic. “If there's anything I could do to…y’know, make things up to you for what I did earlier before those people come to get you tomorrow, just tell me, m’kay kid?”

“Um…ok, Ella,” I said. “Um, could we…do something to pass the time…until then…”

“Sure kid. sure.”

[todorroki]

Love Sea ep 1 thoughts

a little ramble/unorganized post of thoughts on ep 1 of love sea. so i watched the first ep twice, since the first time i was partially live tweeting some of my reactions and missed a few things. i enjoyed it!! quite a bit too, mostly bc i love fortpeat and i'll gobble up absolutely anything they're in. as with mame stories, in order to enjoy them to the fullest, my brain is off, my fujin glasses are on.

first off: gorgeous shots, even more gorgeous setting. i Love bright colors, and this island is really giving just that. like... NATURE!! so much green from the trees and the underwater shots are so good as well. i'm gonna be a little sad when they return to the city. not sure what episode this will land on but my guess is around ep 4? if they keep the pacing as it is right now.

this was a solid first episode. we get introduced to the main cast, their jobs, and a bit of their personality. and the end of the episode gives a glimpse of tongrak's trauma and a preview of the looming problem that should come to light as the series progresses. i'm honestly Very curious how they're going to handle the main conflict, if they're going to take anything out or change it. i am open to what changes they May do since i've already seen a (in my opinion) good change they made for the last scene on the boat.

in the novel, tongrak actually slaps mut when he tries to wipe his tears. yes, full on bitch slap to the face. which, honestly, when i read that part, i looked up from my phone and was like "ok...but why....." so i'm glad they took it out. i'm not mad about having a slap scene in general, but it seemed like a weird reaction (to me), even with the knowledge of WHY rak behaves the way he does. no spoilers, but i had that ????? reaction more than once throughout the novel so hopefully they're able to better translate book scenes to screen. i'll keep my expectations measured regardless.

i'm also wondering if they're going to have conner show up since we have his voice. not gonna lie, i was 90% expecting them to have silence on the other side when talking to conner on the phone. sorry for not believing in u mame lol.. and speaking of PHONE CALLS, idk if i'm traumatized from LITA but i audibly Cheered when i heard proper phone call audio effects. can u tell my expectations for the audio direction were in the ground lmao. and i'm still holding my breath bc LITA had proper call audio in the first ep but dropped it later. praying for consistency over here.

putting my fears aside, PEAT'S STYLING IN THIS SERIES!!! he looks sooo good. and fort in that wetsuit ho my god... so many good visuals here. also i know i read the novel, but i was still completely unprepared for the tongrak attempted seduction scene... i knew it would happen but i wasn't ready to see it with my eyeballs!!! that was WAY more skin than i expected. earlier this week, peat was saying we'd get to see his thighs in ep 1. SIR, we saw much more than that!!! got me screaming at 10am. fortpeat are doing so well here. fort is in his element completely with mahasamut, and peat does vulnerability so so well. i'm excited to see them in more emotional scenes.

now for extra scattered thoughts below ↓

i'm just glad for the brighter setting to see peat's eyes in the light. BEAUTIFUL

2. love sand in the corner of mook's desk and test love on the floor! i enjoy the mame universe easter eggs.

3. the live laugh love-esque font made me laugh sorry

4. MMY WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET THIS PHOTOSET IN PREMIUM HD

5. tongrak is stronger than me. if someone started reading my wip i'd shut my screen so fast

anyways i'm VERY excited to see more fortpeat in action. i wrote this post to keep track of my own thoughts, but if you found this and happened to read it, thank you for your time!!

[sparkanonymous]

⚠️ Total Drama Reboot Season 2 Spoilers ⚠️

I didn't mention this before, but the team names feel so uninspired. Even last season's team names felt more Total Drama-esque. These names are just... insults. It annoys me.

Episode 2

Caleb x Priya... I don't really like Caleb, so I'm not really into it. But it's amusing that every chance Priya gets to ogle him, Millie comes to interrupt her. Caleb is supposed to be the hottest guy on the island, but Millie is in no way interested.

Holy fucking shit. Ripaxel? The last pairing I was expecting to be honest, and I am actually unreasonably excited to see it. Kinda surprised he wasn't into Axel smashing his face with slop, though maybe he can read people well?

I'm really glad most of Ripper's teammates are trying to help him. Y'know, despite him and Axel being on different teams. Am I smelling Ripper with friends?

Julia working her ass off to not be voted out. It's just going to end in heartbreak at this point, no matter when they vote her off.

Emma, using Chase's weaknesses against him, makes her so much more entertaining to watch. I wonder if Chase will do the same thing to her at some point.

I didn't notice Nichelle's hair was tied in the back until now. Well, time to add that to the mental reference.

Zee kinda just being there and enjoying himself is just so Zee of him, lol

I love Damien and his stupid ways of getting around problems. Still one of my favorite characters, and I doubt that anything will change that.

I wonder if Wayne is going to make enemies this time. He laughed at Julia because she made a goofy noise when she hit the hoop, and no one laughed with him, not even Raj.

Buttered Ripper is disgustingly disturbing.

Ripper humiliating himself is what gets Axel's attention? Hm...

Millie ruined her relationships on her team in one foul swoop. Poor Damien honestly, because that is traumatizing. I think Millie's heart was kind of in the right place, but that was horrible.

Thank GOD Chase was voted off. I can not stand him. He adds nothing to the challenges, especially this one, and he's a massive jackass. This is painful, but I'm kind of rooting for Ripper to hang in there another couple episodes.

Episode 3

Using a character to disguise themselves as an intern is a really interesting idea. But they should have given MK a better disguise. It's very clearly just MK with a mustache. They could've at least given her a different hat and a different hairstyle.

Ripper, being a dumbass is not going to help you win over any ladies.

Raj and Wayne struggling with the concept of cheating his great. It makes a lot of sense, too.

Bowie realizing just how stupid his boyfriend and his boyfriend's friend are. Love is love. I know he's having a hard time convincing himself that Raj is someone he wants to be with for a long time, but you can tell how bad he feels for making him do something he didn't want to do.

Zee is such a dumbass.

Oh my god, they REALLY like using dodgeballs this season.

Damien knew Chris hated them all last season. Like, why is he surprised season. He's so fucking dumb, though, and adorable.

Zee getting a pet raccoon. Please let him keep it.

MKulia... it's so good this episode. They try to kill the other team, and they're flirting.

Nichelle with candy all over her. Someone needs to draw that.

I'm gonna agree with Bowie here; it's a bunch of bullshit that the numbers count. It should've had to do with how much of the team had gotten there.

Episode 4

I'm glad they kept the consequences from last episode. It's good that Raj is still upset, and I'm glad that he's a little mad at Bowie when he asked him not to cheat anymore, and Bowie immediately encouraged MK to cheat more.

I have a feeling that Raj and Wayne are gonna kick themselves off again because of the cheating. They're competitive, but they want to win fair and square.

Bowie should be more prepared to fight harder than to cheat, so I wonder how many of his crowns were because he cheated.

They fixed Priya's blush. I wonder if it was because they wanted to color it more correctly this time, or if it was because she just isn't blushing as much as she was last season.

Damn, how many noses has Axel broken to expertly refigure them?

The glass panels remind me of the clips I saw of Squid Games.

Both Bowie and Wayne calling after Raj fell...

Where's Zee's raccoon :(

Bowie's reaction on the screen made it pretty evident the answer was A, Emma.

Damn, nobody knows anyone this season...

JULIA, your gay is showing.

Zee, that's disgusting.

That finger on the chin... Axel, I know you're threatening Emma, but COME ON. (Like, remember when Bowuigi shot up in popularity because of the Mario Movie trailers for the same thing?)

Ripper can read people really well, huh? Caleb, too.

Axel burning the hell out of Emma. Verbally beat the shit out of her, girl.

Emma's gonna get herself voted off... or maybe Priya...

Ripper taking his shot with the poetry for Axel.

Raj... I'm so sorry...

Bowie with the Michael Jackson moves, lol

Emma, she knew it was B... I guess it's time to vote off Priya... maybe...

Raj hugging Bowie, thinking he wasn't cheating and was just that good at reading people. Ugh, they're gonna break up this season, aren't they?

YEAH RIPAXEL

Okay, I'll make more notes when the next episode comes out. I honestly wish Damiya was the Priya ship, but whatever.

[constelationprize]

hi! i’d love if you’d answer a, u, and o for the ask game

A - Ships that you currently like a lot. (They don’t have to be OTPs because not everyone has OTPs.) Friendships, pairings, threesomes, etc. are allowed.

I am currently in Rhaenicent brainrot lockdown. (someone posted a full edit of them to the full 3:39 minutes of Good Luck Babe to YouTube and I'm being very mentally well about it). My beloved doomed yuri. I cannot wait until Alicent has to (redacted) (redacted) (redacted) Rhaenyra and then be miserable about it the rest of her life. I don't care if she's not on Dragonstone in the books life will find a way.

HOWEVER I have also been enjoying the armandaniel/Devil's Minion content we have gotten from the IWTV fandom post-finale. They are horrible. I do nothing but look at memes about them all day.

O - Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of?

Instead of choosing I will just shuffle my downloaded songs and report back to you.

I got An Act of Kindness by Bastille and I'm gonna assign that to jeanee :)

U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.

This one is fun because I instantly forgot every media I've ever consumed.

So, uh.

Luke Castellan, Percy Jackson and the Olympians – Baby's first morally grey character. I just find him so fascinating as a foil to Percy and as a villain in and off himself. Unfortunately he is struck by the curse of being part of a middle grade franchise and so people often engage with his character in a very black-and-white way, and I hate how people use a single, ambiguous line in his literal last scene to moralize about him. ANYWAY. He did in fact do all that shit but he was Literally Right. So.

Adam Parrish, The Raven Cycle – he's truly the perfect character. He's a liar. He's traumatized. He refuses to accept help and be perceived and so tries to do everything himself, always resulting in making things 100% worse. Most of his problems could be solved by open communication and polyamory, and he refuses to do either. He's a real magician that does fake card readings for money. He does absolutely everything wrong and still manages to get everything he wants. He got rid of one of the villains by framing him for murder. He fully killed a guy. He's even bisexual. What's not to love?

Mallory Glass aka Sister Carpenter, The Silt Verses – Maybe my favorite podcast protagonist of all time. Attack dog of the faith. She's jaded and cynical and still gets emotionally attached to almost everyone she meets. The only thing she wants in life is a peaceful retirement from making horrible human sacrifices and two separate gods refuse to let her. We listen as she gets more and more tired of the world around her and the path the marginalization of her youth led her to take, and is still forced to keep going. Owner of the iconic line "Tell me more about your god, I wanna know whose house I wrecked", a batshit moment in a batshit episode that's been in my main blog bio for two years. I'm not ready to say goodbye to her this Thursday :(

[and-stir-the-stars]

hello i am reading dire consequence on ao3 and i have a silly little question

does mike come back as a ghost and does he get to have more evan bonding moments <3 i love their relationship

oh my gob if that happened imagine peepaw comin in the resturant too and then he finds! both he kids! and is like "hell yeah easy peasy" but uh :D so its like willy consequences but mike is there too and he is sad :D

ooo, cool! Really glad that you and others enjoy the ao3 series; I was a bit nervous about posting it onto ao3 because it's such a hyperspecific au, yk?

In my and @dire-kumori's tumblr posts about the au, Mike does come back as a ghost. His little brother is still traumatized, hurt, and alone, meaning Mike still has a lot of unfinished business attaching his soul to the earthly realm. However, Michael is also extremely traumatized and terrified of Evan after what Evan (unknowingly) did, so he keeps his presence a secret from Evan.

In an attempt to be there for Evan but have Mike also trying to keep himself safe, Dire came up with the idea of Mike possessing a plushie inside the Freddy's location because he thinks Evan doesn't really need a "brother" so much as he wants a "toy" to play with. (link to my rb of that post). This is a really fun plotline and I don't see myself changing it for the ao3 stories of the au, so you can safely assume that that's how I'll write Mike's ghost if I ever write a Dire Consequences post-death scene.

Evan doesn't actually realize that the talking plush is Michael, but to Mike's horror, Evan likes to *pretend* that the plush is Michael because he misses his big brother so much. Evan's having a hard time coping with the belief that Michael's ghost didn't come back, meaning his big brother chose to abandon him. Plush Mike tries getting Evan to just play games and forget that the big brother who abandoned him even exists because "your brother was awful and mean and isn't worth missing," but Evan is overcome with a little bit of guilt (he doesn't understand *how* he is responsible for Mike's death since he doesn't understand things like hunger or blood loss, but feels like he is responsible for hurting mike somehow and for making Mike choose to leave) and is overcome by a whole lot of grief.

I'm not sure you can consider any of that "brotherly bonding" though, lmao. But Mike tries his best to make Evan feel safe and cared for, and maybe through conversation, Mike starts seeing WHY Evan cares for his big brother so much beyond just "he's my brother" as the reason why. Maybe Mike gets a glimpse at himself through Evan's eyes, and the person he sees there isn't all that bad. Evan must have looked up to and loved Mike for a reason while Ev was still alive, even if Mike eventually turned from "grumpy and rough-around the edges but still kind older brother" to "blatantly cruel."

And to address your last paragraph: I hadn't put any thought to where William would be in this version of Dire Consequences, but the idea of William entering the location after Michael's death is so friggin cool??

Dire sent me an ask once and I responded by saying that maybe Plush Mike tries giving Evan "human lessons" and teaching Ev things what will and won't hurt humans, so that what happened to Mike will never happen to anyone else who should happen to stumble into the building (or to himself, should Mike ever choose to leave the plushie). Now I'm thinking about Plush Mike putting all this time and effort into teaching Evan what things will and won't hurt people and why he shouldn't want to hurt people, then William enters the location and Mike is like. "Hey Ev. Remember everything we've been talking about? yeah I'm gonna need you to forget all that just this once while we go play a game with Father, okay?"

Tho, I imagine Mike would be horrified and would want to keep Evan as far away from William as possible. Unfortunately for him, maybe Evan doesn't know about William's murders/isn't terrified of William from how William abused his kids, and Evan leaps at the chance to have his father back just like he wanted Mike back.

I'm also thinking about the absolute drama that would occur from William exposing Plush Mike's identity to Evan.

Evan didn't put the pieces together about this random plushie coming to life after Mike died, but William absolutely would. William might use the confusion, hurt, and betrayal Evan feels upon realizing Mike lied to him for so long to try manipulating Evan into doing what he wants.

Or, he could threaten Mike; Mike has some level of control over Evan now, so William could easily tell Mike "I will tell Evan what you are if you don't get him to comply with my wishes." That way he would have both Mike AND Evan under his control.

Gosh, how would William even respond when he walks into this location and finds Evan's ghost and Mike's corpse? If Evan told William what happened or if William put the pieces together himself, would Will immediately decide Evan can't be controlled and try getting himself out rather than risk his life? Although, Evan might not let him go. it depends on how scared of William Ev is from William's abuse when he was alive.

Would Michael try killing William before he can hurt Evan, or anyone else? Or would Mike be too afraid that William's soul wouldn't move on; would Mike be afraid of trapping William's ghost with them forever? Or would he not think about that until it's too late?

You have given me so much to think about, bestie; this is lovely

[luvie-42]

Loki laufeyson x Y/N Time of love

alr New fanfic series! kinda nervous bc idk what to do- BUT ILL TRY MY BEST LITTLE ONES!!! listening to my hype playlist aint helping im abt to dance

WARNINGS: mentions of abuse, cursing, strict parents, knife/dagger. if you dont enjoy or feel comfortable with these topics you're free to leave!

-You were a simple 29yo woman with abusive parents. You had no other place to stay, and your best friend had strict parents. They don't allow anyone else but family members in their house. You were in a miserable life, but your friend supported you all the way. Today those sorry excuses of parents let you go to the busy street where it looked so beautiful. Can't believe they let you out the house with booty shorts and a oversized hoodie and headphones

(this but it was night time)

-Just now getting out of a place you see everyone freaking out suddenly. "What the hell could be going on?" whispering to yourself. You saw this gut in gold, green and black holding some staff with a bright blue light at the end of it. To be honest, he was kinda cute. He starts to introduce himself. You thought this guy was just doing the most, until he shouts. "KNEEL". Every person starts to kneel before the man, he did look dangerous and like he can do some serious damage to this part of the town. You jumped and stood there against the shop wall.

-He starts to look if everyone followed his order but his eyes are locked to yours. You wanted to run out of there and get to your house but you didn't budge. He makes everyone make a path to get to you. Your bag of food dropped out of your grasp, your eyes went wide, and you started shaking. He's in front of you. Staring at you. You expected worse like he would make you kneel but, he took off his helmet and put the staff against the wall

-"Hello there mortal." He says blandly looking up and down at your figure. You start noticing and wanting to cover your plush thighs but you feel like you can't move. He starts to speak but notices your red face looking somewhere else from his gaze. "I'm Loki, God of mischief and I am burdened with a glorious purpose" Did he really just say that? "O-Oh I'm Y/N" Stuttering because of his tall figure with his hands next to his mid section to show that he wont hurt you.

-Out of nowhere he makes a dagger appear and hands it to you. He smiles while you hesitantly take it from his cold hands. "Thank you.." "Don't think of me as a villain, I'm like you. Neglected." He sure did look like it. You thought this was a myth but you snapped out of your trance when some guy in the american flag colors appears behind ya'll. "Excuse me for a moment" Loki says giving a warm smile and wink.

-You were positively sure this was not the first meeting you guys would have. You grabbed your bag and ran back to your house. Opening the front door, your dad comes to the door to yell at you but then notices you're shocked and almost traumatized. "The fuck your scared for? We didn't beat you up THAT bad!" You don't give an answer, but the fact that you met a GOD. A LITERAL GOD. "Why aren't you ANSWERING MY QUESTION!?" Your dad yells before throwing a beer bottle at you. You then again snapped out of your trance and use the dagger that Loki gave you

-You crashed the glass bottle to the floor and your mother then came to the scene to find a shocked father and a scared but still shocked daughter. "What the actual FUCK is happening?!" You were gonna say something but your father just had to cut you off. "YOUR STUPID LITTLE GIRL JUST CRASHED AND SPILLED A FRESH BEER BOTTLE TO THE FLOOR" You looked at him with disbelief. "You threw it at me! What was i supposed to do?!" "LET IT HIT YOU BITCH! WHY DO YOU HAVE A DAGGER TOO?!" Your mom just stood there but then heard you had a dagger, she never raised you like that but then again she abused you from 4 years old.

-"What is wrong with you Y/N?!" That. Was. The. LAST. Straw. "Y'know what? I'm DONE! IM 29 YEARS OLD, A FUCKING ADULT. YOU WONT LET ME LIVE MY LIFE, YOU WONT LET ME HANG WITH THE ONLY FRIEND THAT ACTUALLY FEELS LIKE FAMILY, AND THE FACT YOU GET MAD OVER THE SMALLEST THINGS!! I MET A GOD WHO'S FIGHTING A SUPERHERO, AND THE AMOUNT OF TIMES YOU BEAT ME UP!" The parents look flabbergasted at the sudden outburst of their daughter "Do you know who your talking to little girl!?" your mother who had the audacity to blurt. "YEAH THE BITCH WHO CANT TAKE PROPER CARE OF THEIR DAUGHTER!" You said before leaving once more to your room to pack up and leave this retched household. -I wonder if i'll meet him again...- (- - mean thoughts)

GAWD DAUYM AM I TIRED. sometimes on july i just cant sleep and it happened last july so thats why this took so long but I TRIED MY BEST LITTLE ONES (why does little one remind me of thanos???)

[alexanderlightweight]

Prompts are closed and I shall eagerly await next time as I am once again intrigued by the winding possibilities your writing provokes and in awe over your creativity and imagination! Hope you had fun with them all!

haha thank you! but it's not over quite yet. I still have about 30 prompts to fill over the next couple of days and I adore every single one thats been sent in. it really is an amazing experience to have so much opportunity to create and weave stories that stem from other peoples thoughts.

because while i can wonder what someone is hoping for, i know i'm never going to truly meet it and so it's this... it's this bridge of risk and reward, right?

because asking for a fic is also a risk in being disappointed and i appreciate people risking that with me.

it's why i try to remember to mention that i hope the prompter will like it. because they dont have to but i am hoping they will, it's nobodies job to like and appreciate my work, even if they've asked for a prompt. and if someone doesn't get what they want, they can always ask again more specifically. or they can avoid my page or block me if i accidentally traumatize them. and since most prompters are anon, there's no risk of public awkwardness in the risk.

and also sometimes people are worried about being judged, and sometimes the fear of being judged is more terrifying that the actual circumstances of it. i've used the anon button so many times myself because i was too nervous to use otherwise. i have social and generalized and paranoid anxiety btw so i curate my experience how i need it and hope others do too

wow i don't know the last time i slept but i have to be up in two hours so i'm gonna finish this up so i can crash since i'm going so far off the path that i'm a mountain goat.

basically uh yes, it is a lot of fun for me.

and i appreciate how many people are willing to participate and engage with me. i was not expecting how many responses i got today and it was really just, it was nice and it overflowed my brain with so much worldbuilding that I was able to zone out and just enjoy writing.

and while i do love getting comments and responses to my fics, i also am okay not getting them? i mean i prefer them but i know life is just really hard right now and everyone has limited energy and i really am just enjoying myself writing.

i'm writing to heal and lots of people read to heal. i had to take a few years of reading myself to get here

but also i am just a really tired insomiac nerd who is terrified of most social interaction but if you get me talking about a special interest i am a jackalope.

and malec has been a special interest and stayed one since 2017 which is the longest i've ever stayed interested in a pairing or fandom without dropping it for a few years. so i'm always happy for meta questions, head canon questions, specific au questions etc.

[skzoologist]

Heya! This is the previous anon screaming ab the new chapter being released

THE NEW CHAPTER OMG??? IK I SAID THIS BEFORE BUT YOUR DESCRIPTIONS 💕💕💕💕 The descriptions of the imaginary sceneries make each scene so vivid, holy shit (/pos), it's like I'm standing in the middle of each scene in person and taking pictures of it in HD

AND JISUNG CRYING?? AND THERE WERE CUDDLES AFTER?? BRO 😭😭 (if you couldn't tell already I'm Han biased :D)

FUCK THE PERSON WHO TRAUMATIZED BAE AND THE DUDE WHO CAME UP TO HIM, BINNIE, AND THE PUPPY 🤬🤬🤬

anyways, I'm so normal about this series 😁 (I'm lying, I will now be rereading all the chapters again for the 4th time)

You've outdone yourself again, thank you sm for the wonderful writing 💕💕💕💕

Please pardon my use of cuss words in this ask 😭

(one last question, uhhh can I be 🐹 anon?)

H-hold on, I- I need some tissues, because you are so sweet and aAAaaAaaaaaAAAaaaa

My apologies, I had to let it out.

I am so, so, SO happy you liked the chapter this much, I didn't feel like it was up to my usual standards of quality 😞I had to go back several times and make sure the descriptions were like, you know, okay and not just a few sad words left there to rot x'd

Jisung crying, ah yes, the part that I wrote under an hour because surprise surprise (it isn't), he is my bias wrecker. So much so that after half a year I am still reeling from it, so you are in luck with him being your bias! 😄 (I will forever write stuff for him, I need it to LIVE omg) I was scrambling around, trying to hide this fact and write more for Seungminnie, but I might have failed lmao. Hopefully the Seungmin biased readers won't come for my throat haha 😅

You're gonna curse some more people in the future, not gonna lie. Like. A lot. And quite a few times. Sorry in advance, dear 🥲

You are so not normal about this series and I am so not normal about your reactions (never stop them, please, I am begging you-). Your 4th time??? HeLLO?? THAT IS SUCH AN HONOUR, I WILL CRY 😭😭😭

No no, I don't mind cuss words at all, don't worry! I actually use a lot while speaking, it's a bad habit of mine, so I am quite desensitized to them.

And yes, you can be 🐹 anon, in fact you already are! Welcome, hope you enjoy your stay! (you have that tag now as well for yourself)

Me after seeing this ask, accurate depiction:

[criticofallthings]

Szn of da DEEP spoilers ahead

Okay?

Ok.

You've been warned.

OKAY? Ok!!!

THE DRIFTER X ORIN FEELS SHIP BEING CONFIRMED IS

AGAHWBAKAPZMSPQNANAJSKDKFLS

(/ .___.)/ it makes

(_ .___.)_ SENSE (as to why Drifter gives the IX such a big chance & why he willingly-ish joins their games)

Now that being said, Bungie is by far NOT OUT OF THE HELLSCAPE THEY MADE FOR THEMSELVES and this is not a redemption bit for the issues going on in-game and in the community. Im glad this little loose end is starting to get tied off, but a whole lot still hinges upon the last season of Lightfall and Final Shape ...frfr dont even know if im gonna buy FS bc of how fucking ass LF and the two sezns so far are --I am NOT a fan of the change in storytelling and its so fucking ironic that a bungie dev tried to call out Diablo IV as lazy when that dev is helping Bungie to churn out the staleness that has been LF expansion and the subsequent seasons.

Also idc if its not "beyond a shadow of a doubt" but I'm fucking glad the Drifter x Eris shit didnt seem to be passing through. Like if thats your ship --okay, I respect it-- its just for me personally I'm VERY TIRED of games/books/shows shipping two very traumatized/needs-mega-therapy/social outcasts people together. Its not a trope I enjoy and in most cases find kinda disturbing and upsetting that the "only way" for a trauma-ridden character to have a significant bond with another character is via the fact the other character is also extremely traumatized. Idk it just feels a bit like wallowing in the phase of the character's life-moments as a victim to what traumatized them. A bit "broken beyond repair" still able to function as long as their love interest is someone of equal or similar trauma je ne se qoi (ignore my french) that is just very unappealing to me

Wow wild fucking tangent from me this time 🧐🤨😶

[mosaics--match]

bro, a broken kneecap sounds terrifying 😳😳 If I may ask, how did it happen???

yeah!! i never talk about it alot but like. it was the time of my life /s

gonna put it under a read more and i tagged it but! Warning that I am talking about a graphic and traumatic injury and its aftermath (including infection) beyond this point!

so like. on the last day of my junior year of high school we were at field day (for those who dont know, its literally just a day were theres no classes yall just get to do outdoor games in a giant field all day). there was a relay race which i enjoy doing so i was fine with it!

Well at the end of each persons turn there was a bit where you spin around to purposely throw off your balance. I already dont have great balance, so after i did it i basically was stumbling badly back to the next person. I fell past the line for the next person, but when i stumbled and fell on the field, i basically cracked my kneecap vertically. it wasn't completely broken yet at this point but i couldn't stand and i was screaming and crying the whole time until i got to the hospital (which was hours later btw. The school didnt bother to get an ambulance for me, just bring me back to the school (further distance than to the hospital) and call for my mom to get me).

flash forward a couple weeks, and the orthopedic doctor said that i could start putting weight on it again bc it was starting to heal nicely. THAT was the mistake that snapped my kneecap directly in half.

I had to have surgery to screw the two pieces together. I still have those screws in bc my bone basically bonded to them, but eventually I have to have my whole knee replaced. It's overdue but as long as im not having severe problems arthritis wise they dont see the harm in keeping my original knee as long as i can.

My knee got infected a little bit after the surgery and I almost lost my leg from the knee down but bc it was caught I still have my leg (thank god) but instead I have a huge blown out scar from the surgery that will never heal nicely. All in all from fracture to full recovery it took about... I wanna say 6 months? it ruined my senior year bc I couldn't do my dance classes that gave me stress relief and an outlet for my mental health problems. Shortly after I healed I actually was admitted to a mental health facility because of how fucked my mental health got.

I have bad knee problems with both knees now (apparently i also have shallow knee sockets which means my other knee dislocates super easy) so who knows when I'm gonna have to get both knees replaced, but i get checked regularly and it doesn't seem to be an immediate problem ^^

But yeah! now you know about the most traumatic part of my life that has nothing to do with my family! Thanks for staying around and reading if you got this far i just kinda rambled about it all and wrote a mini essay trauma dump.

[khaleesiofalicante]

Hola Dani 👋🏼 ¿cómo estás? That place looks beautiful 😍💚 I hope you're enjoying yourself!!

OMG Dani on Wednesday I had a LBAF IV related nightmare, it was BAD I actually woke up crying (well there were tears in my eyes) and I never get nightmares or dreams really, so yeah... your story has reached the deepest parts of my subconscious 🤷🏻‍♀️

The One with the Goodbye

Her fingers gripped the blanket tightly. “I’m scared for him.”

I'm scared for him too 🥺

“Mallory,” the man chuckled bitterly at the name. “Who knew, huh?”

David!! He knew!! 😒

“Then I will have a word with Gabriel,” her father promised. “With my sword.”

🤣🤣🤣

The woman’s hair was not as long as Selena’s. But it was just as short as Selena’s now.

OMG that is so sweet!!!!! 🥺🥺

“It’s not silly,” Gabriel shook their head. “Selena, you just went through something horrible and traumatic. Again. Your feelings are valid.”

Gabriel is the bestest best I am love them so much!!! 🥰😍🥰😍🥰

Gabriel opened their eyes. They smiled too. “Sirenita. What does it feel like?”

Ay!! I can't... 😍 😍

Her hair was growing.

Literally.

O mai gaaaa!!!!

David, who was painting Nico’s cane with blue paint, looked up. “Nico said it’s okay.”

David with my son is the cutest thing to ever cute!!! 😍🥰😍🥰

“I will be fine,” David told her.

Of course you will... my twin won't let anything happen to you and is not like Dani can kill you twice... right?? Right??

“You can play with Nico,” David suggested. “He is nice.”

He is... he is still grounded tho 😒

Something inside the room crackled. Like it always did.

Something??? Like glass???

It was heavy. It was red. It was perfect.

I need to redo my Nico moodboard ASAP 😯

“No,” Nico said. “I just saw darkness. Like I always do.”

But why???? Why???? I need answers!!!

Goodbye, David.

That sounds final and I don't like it!

See... David doesn't like it either!!!!

“Then I’ll come to you,” Max said simply. “You and I. We always find our way back to each other, remember?”

Daniela you're making me cry

“This is all your fault, by the way,” Max glared at his parents. “This is what happens when the two of you have kids. I’m too hot for this world and now everyone wants me.”

MAXWELL!!!! 🤣🤣

“Goodbye, Max.”

No no no... I don't like it!!!!

“I’m not sure what is going on, but I don’t like it.”

Same!!!! So much same!!!

"Not yet," Anjali cut him off. "Keep looking. Nobody can find out about this."

Excusez moi!! But I think I have the right to know!! I granted it myself!! 😌 SPEAK!!

She hated it when she had more questions than answers.

Ok now you’re just writing my reactions for me!! 🤣

Or am I becoming one with the story? 😮

“David can come home,” Max whispered tiredly. “Fucking fine. I’ll go on the fucking date.”

That's not gonna work!!

“Although the older man with the blue eyes looked familiar.”

Why??? Why do they look familiar to each other???

“He won’t complain to anyone again,” Marcus promised. “Let me take care of it.”

No no no no!!! I don't like it!!!

“I’ll handle him,” Mallory said. “Logan, summon the arrow from my room.”

Don't you DARE!!!!!!!! STAY AWAY FROM MY TWIN!!!!!!!!!

Wait!!! They're going to activate BOTH jammers at the same time?!?!?!

Dani...no!

Marcus looked at his sister. “Find Alec Lightwood’s parabatai.”

Well fuck everything!!!

The suspense is killing me!!!! I want to know everything but I also want this story to last forever and ever!!! 😫😫

Thank you Dani!!! I AM LOVE YOU!!!! 💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚

I am begging for tumblr to post this ask I’ve been trying since Saturday omg 😭😭

THIS IS ALEX DISCRIMINATION AND I WILL NOT APPROVE