#but I am of COURSE concerned about how it's going to affect my industry

[thelaurenshippen]

open ai made a little post about how they chose their chatbot voices and two things stood out to me:

a) I am genuinely pleased and surprised that the voices come from specific real people that they hired and paid, rather than being built off of all of the data open ai has scraped. the voice for siri did one job for one company 20 years ago and now she is literally everywhere without ever being compensated by apple or even acknowledged as the voice. there's simply no way she was paid enough in that original job. whereas, open ai says "each actor receives compensation above top-of-market rates, and this will continue for as long as their voices are used in our products." this could mean literally anything (what market rate are we going above? does continue mean they get residuals or get paid for doing more sessions?) but, christ, at least the actors are doing it with full knowledge of what their voices are being used for and can decide for themselves if the compensation is enough

b) the post talks about working with "award-winning casting directors" to get the voices. first of all, yay for paying casting directors! we love to see it. but they also say the CDs received over 400 submissions in a week and they state that like a big number and it's just...not at all. and look, without knowing the intricacies of the casting process, it's hard to know what approach the CDs took - it's very possible they were selective from the jump and 400 is a lot from the pool they were tapping. 400 would be a lot if you were going to the agencies directly and asking for names, but there's just no way in hell open ai went after big stars for this. so it would've been a pool of unknowns. in which case, 400 is laughably small. even if you're not using the big casting sites like actorsaccess, I've worked on projects with CDs and their own internal systems where we've gotten over 100 submissions for a single role. I've posted roles on casting sites and received literally thousands of submissions in just a few days

look, I have a very limited perspective on this - I am not a casting director (imo, one of the most important and undervalued jobs in hollywood) and I, in fact, hate the process of casting with a passion. but 400 just seemed like such a tiny pool to pull from and, idk, it heartens me! it's heartening to think that there's very little interest from actors and agents to be doing this kind of stuff. and absolutely no shade to the actors who did--I want actors to get their bag however they want as long as it's, like, safe sane and consensual, you know? but there's something encouraging about thinking that open ai hired some big casting agency to get their foot into the voice acting door and people didn't come running

[wildandmoody]

Seriously the way the press starting doing a complete 180 on him into Tabloid Hell post-Thriller is just so convenient. I mean before they were praising him for being a goody two-shoes, looking and dressing modestly, and generally were fine with cornering his music into the Black music market only. But once he reinvented the short film/music video as a medium AND pushed and pushed until he was the first Black artist to be featured and circulated on MTV (and I'm certain similar music channels around the world), starting breaking chart records that only white artists had held, and had a truly universal appeal by the time he started touring for Bad, all of a sudden up jumped the bullshit.

Suddenly here came the same "he's gay/childish/virginal" fingerpointing that he had to address since fucking 1976. Here comes "he's a deviant ew" just because he started dancing and dressing more provocatively in 1987 as if musicians that same decade and before weren't also wearing buckles, O-rings and shin guards and doing god knows what on stage. By the time he spoke up about having vitiligo universalis it was too late and ppl were already saying he wanted to be white and thought he was lying. To this day ppl think that including a lot of fellow Black ppl despite his autopsy report and plenty of pics of brown flecks and spots on his skin being available. Suddenly it's "he's weirdly obsessed with kids" when he had been donating his concert proceeds directly to and visiting orphanages and hospitals since he himself was a CHILD in the jackson 5 days, and literal radio silence on campaigns he directly funded for mandela's anti-apartheid campaign, AIDS research, women's rights, gang-related issues and hundreds of other causes. And that's just on the causes that i can think of off the top of my head that we know about, because he also gave millions of dollars anonymously and directly supported many individuals by buying food and appliances and covering travel costs for them. Radio silence from the news and gp.

Andthe most damning of all as far as I'm concerned is the fact that he swallowed his pride and gave up on his Reclusive Image in the 2000s specifically so that he could call out the racist soul-crushing tendencies of the music industry, in particular Tom Motolla and Sony as a whole, and how it affected him and his Black peers. Which of course media tried to spin as a personal beef and not a race-related one. THE EXACT DAY that he was set to release one last compilation album for them and finally walk free while owning 50% of their publishings and all of his own masters (and the masters of older Black artists which he sold back to them for $1) ,and free of an oppressive music deal, up jump the allegations and now he had to fly his ass to LA to get both of his shoulders dislocated and get manhandled by the LAPD. The same day. How fucking convenient.

And look. This is not me saying that what happened to Michael was a pattern. It most certainly was not and there are plenty of truly dangerous men in power, this is a fact. I am not trying to circulate conspiracy theories but i am pointing out the shit that happened to him because of the target painted on his back. What i say in defense of Michael Jackson i say in confidence because at one point I had read every transcript , testimony, legal document available including his autopsy not because i liked him but because i needed to truly understand what the hell was going on. And ive read old newspapers and tabloids that covered him and they treated this man worse than an animal just based on how he presented himself alone. Matter of fact the name "Jacko" stems from an old British slang name for a dancing and singing boxing monkey that was popular in the 19th century, so that was based in racism too. It's just rhe Everything. And I'm also not saying that he never made mistakes or was a human person. He didn't really seem to be able to always surround himself with and trust the right people. But man oh man. Oh the Convenience.

[anujkumar8266]

Meet the Top 3 Therapists in Gurgaon Sector for 2024

Your path toward mental health can change greatly if you choose the correct therapy. The number of trained therapists giving their services in Gurgaon has increased as a result of increasing awareness of and trust in mental health care. You are in luck if you're looking for qualified counsel in 2024. The best 3 therapists in the Gurgaon area are listed here; they are recognized for their skill, feelings, and helpful treatment methods.

Gunjan Bhatia - Counseling Psychologist

I have worked as a counseling psychologist for more than four years in the mental health industry. "I am committed to helping people on their path towards personal growth, strength, and emotional health," says my degree holder in clinical psychology. I approach the course of therapy with respect and non judgment in between my professional education and knowledge.

I create a secure and supportive situation where customers can explore thoughts, emotions, and challenges brought on by daily challenges because I genuinely care about understanding the many minute details of the lives of people.

I focus on resolving problems including stress, feelings of sadness, anxiety, and putting it off. I also actively participate in fighting suicide and helping those with issues with identity.

Thought on therapy 

I think taking the brave and life-changing decision to seek counseling is a great first step toward self-discovery and personal development. My goal as a committed and sympathetic mentor is to provide unshakable support and create a secure environment in which my clients can explore their deepest feelings, thoughts, and struggles.

Mrs Ritika Dhall - Counseling Psychologist

With a wealth of expertise, psychologist Mrs. Ritika Dhall specializes in the transforming potential of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). She is an experienced counseling psychologist.

My role as a psychologist has been to help patients just like you in dealing with the boundaries created by stress, anxiety, depression, and a number of other mental health problems. I teach you useful instruments and methods to deal with and overcome these challenges through CBT, which is going to end in permanent positive change.

I provide a safe, understanding environment for you to explore your feelings, ideas, and actions without fear of criticism. We will collaborate to create solutions that are specifically designed to meet your objectives and concerns.

My thought on Therapy

My dedication to your health goes beyond our meetings. I have a strong desire to provide you the tools you need to take charge of your mental health and to use it long beyond our sessions together.

I'm here to support you as you go toward living a more contented and joyful life. Make an appointment for a consultation with me to start the process of positive change right now. We can unlock your potential for a better future together.

Dr Shraboni Nandi - Clinical Psychologist

I am Dr. Shraboni Nandi Consultant Psychologist, a RCI licensed mental health professional having Ph.D in Psychology, I am dedicated and motivated with an experience of more than 20 years in understanding and guiding individuals with social behavioral and mental health issues both adult and children.

My experiences and hard work and dedication towards my profession help me to deliver customized therapy in a sensible and realistic way with deep understanding of how the environment around us influence/affect one's perception, cognitive or emotional well-being, as well as behavior. 

My experiences help me to overcome invisible challenges and unI offer a secure and understanding environment where clients can examine their feelings, thoughts, and other difficulties. Assist the client in gaining insight into their own mental processes and in discovering more effective coping mechanisms for obstacles. healthy /toxic behavior of clients.

My thought on therapy

Therapy is crucial for those who are struggling in life because it helps them learn coping mechanisms that enhance their interpersonal and overall well being. Therapy is a secure place to start the process of improving mental health issues. It helps to understand the reasons behind an amount of a person's suffering, how therapy affects people's changes, how they develop new, healthy behaviors, and how they start fresh.

It is a useful tool for anyone dealing with difficulties since it enables them to explore their feelings and ideas in a secure environment, gain self-awareness, learn coping mechanisms, and progress toward their own development and well-being.

Conclusion

A vital first step toward better mental health and happiness is selecting the correct mental health therapist. These are the best 3 mental health therapists in Gurgaon Sector 24, and they stand out for their knowledge, kindness, and commitment to their people. These experts can offer you what you need and direction whether you're dealing with anxiety, difficulties with relationships, trauma, or any other mental health situation. Make the first move toward happiness and a healthy mind by getting in touch with one of these amazing therapists at this moment.

If you are struggling with any mental health issues, I recommend

Call us -  +91 9804791047                                    OR

 Visit  Lyfsmile.com. They offer resources and support to help you through difficult times.

[cmasociety]

Conquering Imposter Syndrome: Elevating Self-Esteem and Confidence to New Heights

Dear reader, have you ever found yourself in a situation where you're doubting yourself? Perhaps you're using harsh labels like "fraud" or "phony," worrying about your competence or qualifications. Don't worry; unfortunately, this is quite common and is known as 'Imposter Syndrome.' Approximately 1 out of 3 people suffer from it, and 70% of individuals will experience it in their lifetime. It commonly occurs when entering new situations, such as a new school, program, or job, where the pressure to succeed, combined with a lack of experience, leads to feelings of inadequacy.

Imposter Syndrome is not limited to new situations; it can also affect individuals who experience low self-efficacy, perfectionism, and neuroticism. Additionally, it may overlap with social anxiety.

If you find yourself grappling with Imposter Syndrome, there are helpful resources available. The Student Wellness Centre offers counseling services, providing support to diminish symptoms and identify the root cause. It's possible that Imposter Syndrome is linked to an underlying concern, such as anxiety or depression. Consider reaching out to professionals, including counselors or psychiatrists, to help navigate through these feelings and conquer any underlying issues. 

Visit the Student Wellness Centre counseling page to explore how you can receive the support you need. Check out additional support provided by the Student Wellness Centre:

ACT on Anxiety 

DBT: Interpersonal Effectiveness 

Managing Your Worry and Anxiety 

Mend Your Mood

Stress-Less Drop In

“Navigating the leap from Science to Humanities” - Jacqueline 

 I experienced major imposter syndrome in my first year of university when I began as a life science student. I felt like everyone was much more qualified, had everything together, and was overall smarter and more capable than I was. I struggled with these feelings for months, especially around midterm and exam seasons when I realized my passion for science wasn't as strong as I had thought (I was also at risk of failing two courses, lol!). Long story short, I was able to change my life course through a lot of introspection, seeking support from the student wellness center, and visiting the academic office. My first year was tough, and I faced numerous mental challenges with my self confidence and in the uncertainty of switching majors. Looking back, I would do it all over again if it meant being where I am today. I encourage you, readers, to have compassion for yourselves and listen to what that inner voice is telling you, remember that you are not alone in your experience! 

“Starting a New Job” - Anastasia

For me, I had major imposter syndrome when I was offered a Teaching Assistant position at Mac. While I jumped for joy at the offer, as soon as that happiness wore off, I felt like I was going to puke from the anxiety! I’d never taught anything before, nor did I think I knew the course well enough to help 25 students learn about the program I am so passionate about. I started to doubt myself, beating myself up and telling myself that I wasn’t the right fit for the position, worried that I’d scare off or impact the education of the students in my tutorial. I would go into my tutorial and reprimand myself whenever I couldn’t answer a student’s question at that moment. But, as we near the end of the semester, I realized that I loved being a TA! It was an awesome and fulfilling experience for me and it showed me to stay positive and believe in myself. Beating yourself up and staying in your head may harm your mental health, while also not allowing you to celebrate your successes! You’ve gotta let go of those negative feelings and just go for it because if you don’t start now, when will you? 

Upcoming Event: Industry Night!

Are you still trying to figure out what to do with that comms, media arts, or humanities degree? Come out to our Industry Night on January 11, 2024 where you’ll be able to network and listen to professionals in all sorts of industries. Did we mention there will also be snacks  👀 For more information visit the CMAS Instagram page. To secure your ticket, visit the CMAS linktree. 

We hope you found some insight on this month’s topic! With exams around the corner we hope you take the time to self-care, reflect, and reach out if you need to. 

Until next time reader, Jacqueline & Stass

[bills-bible-basics]

MY F4C3 M4SK POSITION

Concerning all of the recent online chatter concerning face masks, social distancing, lockdowns, etc. being reimplemented in coming months, as we approach another important national election, let me say the following:

As we all know, in the United States of America, we have three branches of government: legislative, judicial and executive.

This system of government is so designed so that each branch can keep a check on each other, and maintain a balance of power.

Congress — the House of Representatives and the Senate — creates bills. The Supreme Court interprets laws based on the Constitution of the United States. The executive branch — meaning the president — can either sign a bill into law, or veto it, but he CANNOT make laws. Of course, Congress can override a veto if it has sufficient votes.

Furthermore, we need to understand that executive orders are NOT laws. After all, if they were, then it basically turns a president into a dictator. As is, some presidents make it a habit of abusing this executive privilege. It is a loophole and a very tricky matter.

The point I am trying to make here is the following: Many things are foisted upon the American public which are not technically laws, through peer pressure, intimidation and being publicly shamed. Sound familiar?

An order, mandate, recommendation, or whatever you want to call it — whether from some government institution, health organization, or whatever — is not necessarily a legal, enforceable law, yet we the public are forced to abide by it. This is EXACTLY what happened with the va€€ines …. and which may soon happen again.

Many of you know exactly what I am talking about. Here on Guam, very draconian measures were put into place, meaning mandatory face masks, social distancing, the total closure of non-essential businesses, the va€€ines, school closures, a two-week required quarantine for all incoming island visitors, etc.

It was so bad that our tourism industry — which is vital to our island economy — came to a total standstill for about two years. In fact, it is STILL recovering.

Our local business sector was likewise seriously affected for that same two-year period. In fact, many smaller businesses were forced to shut their doors permanently, because they simply couldn’t survive financially.

Our education system likewise suffered, because our schools were closed, and kids were forced to stay home, and eventually begin to study online. As a result, many fell behind.

Even with establishments which were allowed to remain open, if one refused to wear a mask, they were not given admittance. Labs, doctors’ offices and other medical facilities STILL require face masks in 2023. Some people still wear masks, for whatever their reasons.

So as you can see, these government mandates — which are NOT really legal laws — really hurt us, and made life very difficult for many of us here on Guam.

Now there is chatter in the wind that it is all going to happen again, just as we enter another very important election season. Is it just a coincidence?

In fact, what I have just stated is NOT just hearsay. I have ALREADY read a few online reports and commentaries which state that some places in the USA have ALREADY re-implemented face masks. And, of course, the CDC has already begun stirring up fear with talk of new dangerous strains entering our borders. We know what happens next.

I don’t know how bad the lockdowns got in the continental USA compared to where I live. From news reports I read back then, I got the impression that it wasn’t as bad as here on Guam where it was pretty much a total lockdown. Were we the test lab being as we are an island with a confined population?

Anyway, I just wanted to share these thoughts with my online friends for your consideration. We must each decide what we are willing or not willing to do, should the online chatter become a widespread reality in the coming months.

Personally, I still remain unva€€inated. In fact, I haven’t been va€€inated for anything since I was a kid in elementary school, and I will soon be 70 years old.

Regarding face masks, that may be a different story, particularly if they resort to the same harsh tactics as last time. I hope not, because I absolutely hate wearing those things!

Please note that by saying the above, I am NOT advocating anarchy, lawlessness or violence. Doing so would be contrary to my Christian beliefs, which dictate that I obey the laws of man, just as long as they do not contradict God’s Word and my conscience, which is guided by God’s Word and Spirit.

[nickgerlich]

The Price Of Doing Business

I have long been a fan of economics, a field of study often ridiculed as the dismal science. It explains everything. In fact, it is kind of like the Old Testament, if you will, the basis upon which resides everything we hold near and dear today. Economic forces function pretty much the way they always have.



Of course, I am talking primarily about the industrialized era, because before then, when people lived in more agrarian and collectivist societies if only for their very survival, there wasn’t the creation or accumulation of wealth as we know it today. There wasn’t any need for corporations when people were more worried about good weather for growing crops.



At the risk of having over-simplified, let us continue.

As we all know from any basic course in marketing, there are four primary factors under the control of the company: Product, Promotion, Placement, and Price. And it is Price that is closely linked to economic theory, although the four forces are necessarily intertwined. There is no room for silo thinking.

In the digital arena, no one is exempt from these decisions and forces. And no one is feeling this more these days than Netflix, the OG when it comes to streaming, but also the one in the news frequently with concerns over password sharing and tiered pricing.

Now comes news that Netflix is lowering prices in selected global markets. This can be viewed as either desperation, or perhaps a market test to see how responsive customers are. The problem, of course, is that streaming has become a mature service market, and with so many options available, and so few hours to watch them all, Netflix is finding themselves with many viable competitors.

It’s the 21C version of an old-fashioned gas price war in the making. And never mind all the inflation, fears of recession, and a post-pandemic world settling down and returning to its old ways. Of course, it would be nice to get a price break here, Netflix. Instead, they’re just worried about how they’re going to stick it to us for sharing our passwords.

From the consumer perspective, it all boils down to perceived value. This is a function of content provided, and the cost to view that content. Given the constraints of our busy days and 168-hour weeks, we have to make choices. And, as we all know, we have many options. Even with cord-cutting, all those cost savings were rapidly disappearing with subscription overload. In terms of market structure, we can say that the streamers are now in the monopolistic competition stage, each participant with a paper monopoly of their own unique content, but still there are low barriers to entry.



Gone are the economic profits the early movers could enjoy, though. All that is left now are basic accounting profits, which can be much harder to reap in maturing industries. Margins shrink, and volume—read: number of subscribers—becomes critical. 

I am now waiting for the other shoe to drop, meaning will other streaming providers start to offer similar discounts? What affects Netflix necessarily affects Disney, Paramount, and all the others. This really could become a gas war.



And lest we need to be reminded, competition is good. It brings out the best in everyone. An artifact of competition, though, is that a Darwinian process is also at work. Only the strongest, most fit will survive in the long run, and customers—the jury of public opinion—will make that decision.

I’m just glad I double-majored back in college. That Economics degree provided the foundation upon which my Marketing degree could flourish. Well, theoretically, of course.

Dr “Supply And Demand“ Gerlich

Audio Blog

[vdlest]

You matter

Characters:

Bucky Barnes x Girlfriend!Reader

Summary:

You and Bucky together with the other Avengers went to Florida for a mission. When your ex-suitor were also in the same area, your boyfriend, Bucky Barnes, is triggered by your ex's words. How can you make him feel better?

Warning:

Jealousy

A little bit of smut

Swearing

You and the rest of the Avengers are staying in the safehouse for a few days now. This mission lasts longer than you think. But since you are in a mission with your Bucky, everything seems alright. However, things became off-handed between you and Bucky upon the arrival of your ex-suitor, Frank, who is currently working under Stark Industries.

It turns out that Frank has been living in Florida for quite some time now, so Stark thought he'd be useful to this mission. On the other hand, you haven't seen Frank since high school and you must admit that you also liked him back then, but that's not important anymore since you're happy with your relationship with Bucky.

Speaking of Bucky, the guy clearly doesn't like Frank that much. He hates it when he is too confident when talking to you and the rest of the team. It's like he's showing you that he is better than Bucky, but you have no care or concern about how he thinks. All that matters to you are your work as an Avenger, your friends, and the love of your life.

"Sir, the information I gave you could be accurate if only Mr. Barnes here did not intervened and change the strategic plan I made based on my research," Frank said.

Everyone is in the dinning room for a meeting of what happened in yesterday's tasks.

"Excuse me," Bucky glared at Frank as he points himself, "Are you seriously blaming me for your inaccurate research?" he asked then he chuckled, "I am not the one who made that research, boy. So whether I intervened or not, your strategic plan could've worked out."

Whenever Frank and Bucky would be in the same room, a heated argument should be expected.

"Enough," Steve stopped Bucky and Frank, "We should just think of something else. We're running out of time already," he pointed out.

"Y/n and I could sneak off the building tomorrow morning and we'll give access to Barton and Banner," Wanda suggested.

"Yeah, I think the only way to get this mission done and over with is to use the "disguise & sneak off" tactic," you added in support of Wanda's suggestion. You turned to Steve, "Once Barton and Banner are in to hack the security system, the rest of you can take it from there."

Steve seemed to like your plan so he nodded and asked all of you to get the rest you all need because you have an early day tomorrow.

You left the dinning room alongside with the other Avengers, while Steve, Tony, Bruce, Clint, and Bucky are left inside the dinning room to finish their whiskeys that they started before the meeting. You're about to go to the kitchen to grab something to drink with Wanda and Nat when Frank approaches you.

"Hey Nat, Wanda, go ahead and find something to drink. I'll go catch up," you said to Wanda and Nat, they gave you a nod. Wanda gave you a warning look, she knows how jealousy and Bucky don't match up well enough. You faced Frank, "Hey, you need somethin'?" you asked him.

Frank smiled at you, "I was wondering if you want to go and visit a few places the day after tomorrow and before you and your friends go back home," he proposed.

You didn't want to be rude but you are not clearly into him anymore and you know that he isn't the guy you want to be with in visiting tourist places here in Florida. It's Bucky.

You clicked your tongue, "That's a very nice offer Frank, but I don't think it's a good idea."

His face turned into a disappointment, "It's Bucky, isn't it?"

You nodded, "Frank, Bucky and I are together. He's my boyfriend. I know things were pretty well between us during high school, but we didn't make it because it wasn't meant to be at all. So, let's just be friends and stay like that." You wanted to tell him about this since you got here in Florida, but he keeps on disregarding whatever you say about your relationship with Bucky.

Unknown to you, Bucky's near both of you and can actually hear your conversation with Frank.

"But y/n..." Frank moved closer to you and held both of your arms, "...he was a killer. He's the winter soldier. He killed millions of people."

You moved a step back away from him, making you free from his hands. You gave him a disbelief look upon moving away from him.

"You don't know him, Frank," you shook your head and glared at him, "You don't know who Bucky is. You may know him as the winter soldier but it wasn't him. He didn't have a choice when he did those awful things. He is the love of my life and the bad things you're telling me about him won't change how I feel for him. First of all, you have no right to judge him. You have no idea who he is."

Before Frank could say anything in reply to you, Bucky approached both of you. He stood besidd you as he give Frank a death defying stare.

"Say another word and I will break your neck. You'll see the winter soldier you are telling y/n about," Bucky said.

"See, y/n!" Frank said as he waved his hand to motion towards Bucky, "He killed lots of people from the past and he could do it again! He's a threat to your life, he's a threat to every man's life!"

You saw Bucky clenched his jaw and how his knuckles been wanting to punch Frank's face, but you immediately put your hands on his shoulder to calm him down. Steve, Tony, Bruce, and Clint came out of the dinning room and were already sensing not so good things between Bucky and Frank.

"Frank, I don't think it's advisable to go across my pal," Steve said as he drag Frank away from Bucky.

"Wait, Steve," you stopped Steve from dragging Frank away. You walked towards Frank and held him in his collar, his feet can't even touch the ground anymore as you lift him up in the air, "Bucky is not the winter soldier, he never was and he never will be. Put that in your mind. You understand?" when he did not answr you, you tightened your grip on him, "Do you understand?!" you repeated.

"Yeah, yeah! I understand." he answered.

The moment you put Frank down, Steve and Clint dragged him outside and talked to him.

You turned around to face Bucky, but when you're about to approach him, he walked away and went straight to your room.

"He's still sensitive about the winter soldier thing," Stark said behind you. He taps your shoulder before making his way to the kitchen where Nat and Wanda are, "You should go and talk to him. Make out after," he joked.

•••

You did not have to knock on the door of the room that you and Bucky shared in the safehouse, it is open and it is also your room anyway. When you entered the room, you found him near the window, staring outside and you could feel that he's thinking of something.

"You know what Tony asked me to do after I talked to you?" you closed the door behind you and rested your back against it, "He said we should make out."

It was just you, trying to lighten up the mood.

But he did not even dare to look at you. He is just staring at the glass window and what's outside.

"Bucky," you walked towards the edge of the bed, which is only a few inches away from where he is standing, "You know he's just trying to tear us apart. Whatever he said was all a lie," you reached for his hand to make him face you.

His eyes met yours, making you see how Frank's stupid and baseless words affected him. He has always been sensitive when someone is bringing up his past. He is not denying the fact that it was part of his past, but he also know that it wasn't him anymore.

You put his hand on your cheeks and leave a few kisses on his palm while your eyes are still with him, "No matter what happened in the past, it doesn't dictates who you are now. You are a different person from who was inside your head before. It doesn't even matter what happened in the past, only you and I matter. You matters, only you. So please, stop doing this to yourself over and over again," you said, almost in a pleading voice.

"I'm not affected by the fact that people are still seeing me as the winter soldier or who I was before, but I..." he kneel in front of you as he grabbed both of your hands, "...I am asking myself if I really do deserve you."

"You what?" you asked and you shook your head, "Bucky, come on. We're really doing this shitty conversation? Of course you deserve me. When you and I became a couple, there's not a day or any time of the day that I'd find myself smiling like a fool. Whenever you're out of my sight, in a mission or something, I'd find myself longing for you, your hug..." you pulled him towards you as you lay on the bed and putting him on top of you, "...your touch, and most of all..." you twisted your finger in his dog tag and pulled him closer to you, "...your kiss." you said before you kissed him on his lips.

You didn't have to wait, he kissed you back as soon as he felt your lips against his.

You found yourself deepening the kiss both of you are sharing, and few seconds later his hand moved to your waist and the vibranium one removed strands of hair blocking your face.

He pulled from your kisses as he caresses your face, "How did I get so damn lucky to have you, y/n?" he asked as he look into your eyes deeply.

You smiled, "We're both of lucky. We'll talk about your cocky attitude later, but for now..." you pushed yourself up and push him on the bed as you straddle him on his waist, "...I need you to do me."

He smiled as he pull your shirt up, undressing you and leaving you on your brassiere, "Oh, on the contrary..." he pulled himself up and unclasps your bra, "...I'm the only person who deserves you."

You grin but before you could say anything, he kisses you and claims your lips like a hungry beast and you're his last meal. While he's busy ravishing you with his lips, your hands are busy unbuttoning his shirt, but when you ran out of patience, you just rip it off.

Upon hearing the shattering sound of fabrics, he stopped kissing you, surprised with your aggressiveness, "Did you also learned that from Nat?" he asked.

You chuckled, "No, I learned that with you, asshole. Now stop talking, just do the work."

He pinned you against the bed, feeling the matress behind you as he slowly tug your pants down alongside with your panties.

"Spread your legs for me, and let me taste you, my love."

You obliged and spread your legs to the hungry man in front of you.

"This is gonna be a long night, so hang on and let me make it up to you," he said before he went down between your legs, remembering that Tony told you to make out, but you ended up doing a lot more. MORE.

-v.dl

[slashingdisneypasta]

Sylvester the Cat x Toon!Reader || Drabble

Plot: I'm just experimenting with the Looney Tune idea so possibly enjoy some cute Sylvester Jr wanting you to be his new other parent.

Warnings: Toon violence?

You're just tying up the ends of Wile E's bandages into a tight little knot, prompting a wince from the coyote and a little board sign saying 'Ouch!'. Immediately you wince, stepping back. "Ohh... sorry, Wile E... I'm not exactly certified... " Daffy made you do this job, seeing as you're worse at sports then any of them- and that's saying something.

His head falls forward slightly and his ears wilt as you step back.

"Okay! Who's nex- " Turning around - picking up some more bandages and band aids in one fist, and an industrial sized tube of Acme branded antiseptic cream tucked under your other arm, - you look about for your next patient.

- And droop as soon as you see what kind if work load is waiting for you. It looks like every toon you know is lined up for medical attention!

The bandages and band aids slip out of your hands and scatter across the floor. "Oh boy." Quickly taking a deep breath to refresh yourself, you perk right up in order to get to it. Okay! "Sly! You're first, what's wro- Uh, hah. Nevermind."

Looking at him... maybe you don't have to ask...

Tweety flies through the giant gaping hole in Sylvester's tummy and the cat gives great sigh, slumping forward. "Why are the only times he's in there are when he can get out!!"

"I know, I know, woe is you. Sit down." You have no time for sympathies right now, you can allocate Sly only 2 minutes- and that's because you like him. The other patients coming get only one. "Okay, Sly!... um... " Oh brother you're stuck. Why do you do with an ailment like this?? Sylvester patiently sits, waiting for you to finish as you set your paws on your hips with a huff... wondering where exactly to go from here. Hm. "Do you maybe... know where your insides... are? Like, presently?"

"Uhh, they were... disintegrated... "

You two share a concerned look. "Maybe... spackle?- "

Just as Sylvester is gulping down his fear at your crazy suggestion, a certain black and white kitten comes speeding out of the crowd at the two of you. "FATHER!" Sylvester Junior stops at his fathers side, eyes wide with worry. "Father! Is he okay, Y/N??"

As you start rifling through your medical kit for something actually useful, you waive a dismissive paw at the kitten. "Oh, don't worry SJ. Your dad has recovered from worse- you know that."

Oh- that gives you an idea! It may not be strictly medical... or orthodox in the least, but its worth a try! Come on- you guys are toons. Straightening up, you look to the court; Searching for the little yellow speck you know is flying around somewhere.

Sylvester Jr nods slowly, pouting. His eyes are big, and round, and adorably full of worry. "Do you think I can sit on his lap safely, Y/N?"

Oh he's just the cutest. You turn back to your patient and raise your brows at him. "Can he?"

Sly perks up at the chance to get some much needed affection - rather then shameful berating, - from his rugrat. "Of course he can- come on, son- oww... " Unfortunately Sylvester Junior throws caution to the wind, and launches his little body at his father- almost going all the way through and causing you to seriously wince, but luckily Sylvester has a good grip on him and sets him in his lap rather then inside the cavern that was his belly. "Aghhh... thanks, son... I feel a lot better now... oof!- "

Sylvester Junior has thrown his arms around his father, and your heart leaps at the adorable scene...

Except- you wouldn't have, if you had heard what was really going on in that hug.

Sylvester's eyes widen and he deadpans at his son, hearing the words that come out in a rushed, hoarse whisper as soon as the hug he thought was genuine closes around his neck. Of course... this is his son, after all...

"How am I doing, Father?? Is Y/N looking?? I've been told that other cats become more inclined to date a cat who's good with children!, and since you're hopeless at that, I've elected myself, your darling baby son, to help you! So, are they looking father??"

"Junior!"

"Yes father???"

"I do not need your help to woo anyone, and I'm working on Y/N... " Sly tries to assure Jr, not sounding totally sure as his eyes fall downcast. "Its, uh, just a slow process, is all... " After a moment, he proudly lifts his chin, and he would puff out his chest, if... you know.. it was there... "I got your mother on my own, didn't I??"

Sylvester's proud moment is cut off quickly as his son pulls away from him to give a very deadpanned, sassy expression at the mention of his absentee mother cat. "And where is she, may I ask, father??"

A loud 'Aha!' comes from you a few feet away as you jump up, and grab something right out of the air.

Deeply rolling his eyes, irritation flickering inside him at the antics of his son, Sylvester Sr plonks him down on the bench beside him, angrily crossing his arms. Jr follows suit, looking like an exact replica of his father... except, smaller.

Blinking blankly around to see the two, with Tweety now wriggling around in your paws, you giggle at the sight. "What happened to you two? You were having such a heart warming father-son moment a second ago!"

"I'm full of shame, Y/N. Oh woe... "Sylvester Jr sighs, shaking his head as Sr turns his head slowly to look at him. "How am I to face my friends at the playground... My father- a loser!"

Sylvester pointedly looks away, angry eyes pointing towards the court. "My son... a spoiled brat. How am I ever to show my face in society, again?" An even heavier sigh comes out of Sylvester Jr at that remark, and Sylvester Sr immediately jumps up from the bench, pointing a stern finger at his son. "Oh no ya don't- Don't you dare get out that bag!!"

"But Father! I'm full of shame!" Sylvester Jr whines, holding the paper bag in his lap as you watch the two in wonderment. How they can bicker like this, and still have such an adorable, open relationship you have no clue - some kids are too scared to talk back to their fathers, - but the state of these two's relationship is truly, really endearing to you.

Oh how you love Sly... You catch yourself swooning at the thought of him, and immediately stop yourself. Stop it, Y/N! This is not the time for that. Taking a deep breath, you shake yourself. Okay, back to the task at hand.

Meanwhile, Sylvester snatches the paper bag away from Jr. "Oh, cut that out, wouldja?!"

While there's a pause in the argument, you jump and take your chance to hold up Tweety in front of Sylvester's face- his pupils shrinking at the sight and his teeth growing sharper, somehow.

"Oh no oh no- You mean old puddy tads- using me like this!" Tweety exclaims, wings pressed firmly to your paws and pushing, struggling to wiggle up and out of your tight grip. Yeah yeah, you think. Tell it to the choir.

Hopefully when I let Tweety go, Sly will give chase... and be all better!

Heh... isn't that how it works? It is, right? He'll 'perk right up'! you could say.

"Alright... here goes nothing!" You squeak, closing your eyes and letting Tweety go, hoping to god that Sylvester doesn't trample you in his endeavour to snatch his favourite little yellow bird.

Feeling a wind blow against you side and ruffling your fur as Sylvester springs to action, you slowly crack your eyes open again- first seeing Sylvester Jr as he still sits on the bench in front of you swinging his legs over the side of the bench, before peaking over your shoulder, and... "Yes!" You cry out as soon as your keen feline eyes catch sight of Sylvester looking good as new again on the court, chasing Tweety through the still-roaring basketball game. Clasping your hands together, your tail wiggles excitedly behind your back. "It worked!"

"What?" Sylvester hears your cheering and immediately halts in his tracks, looking at you then down at himself- a big, toothy smile spreading across his face when he see's he's all better. "Y/N! You did it! Thanks!"

"Of course!" You call back, then point at the scoreboard and wink. "Now kick those Monstar's butts for me!"

The green Monstar turns a squinty looking evil eye on you at hearing your words but you don't care- you're far too busy burning the image of Sly giving you a thumbs up into your mind.

"Heheh, no problem... " That trademark evil grin slips across Sly's face again as he rubs his paws together, turning his attention back to the game as you sigh, paws on your hips; Happy with your job well done.

"Uh, hello??" Someone speaks up from behind you, and you jump, suddenly remembering the mile long line of toons that still need medical attention.

Ohhh... great. You slowly turn around, seeing Elmer giving you angry eyes and quickly look extremely apologetic, paws awkwardly behind your back and spine as straight as a plank. Oops!

You might seem help... you think you tilting your head to see the rest of the long... long, l o n g line. "Uhh... SJ? You wanna help me play nurse, maybe?"

"Oh, yes Y/N!" He exclaims enthusiastically, hopping off the bench and taking up your medical kit in his short little arms- which is way too big for him. You giggle and take it from the kitten, patting his head. "I'll be happy to be your assistant!"

Fist bumping each other, you wink. "That's the kinda attitude I like to see! Lets go."

~

A couple hours and countless injuries later and the game is coming to a nail chewing close. Truly, this is a new level of anxiety you're feeling as you leave Sylvester Junior, now exhausted and up past his bedtime, curled in Granny's lap with a blanket strewn over him. Then you sit back down to watch the game beside a very injured Sly, as Witch Hazel defibrillates Taz.

If Michael doesn't make this shot - with but seven seconds to go, - he has to move to Moron Mountain in your place. You all dragged him here for help and now h's the one with everything on the line.

You cant help but feel a massive load of guilt.

"Oh I cant watch!" You squeak suddenly amongst the thunderous sounds of the audience at 4 seconds, and cover your eyes. "Tell me when its over!"

.

.

.

3 seconds later, the buzzer screeches and you hear the toons around you cheering, and peak out nervously from beyond your paws. ... What happened?

Your gaze flickers to the score board.

Oh my god. A deep, relieved breath comes out of you. "We won!?"

"We won!" Sylvester concurs, jumping up from the bench and throwing a fist into the air. Then he puts his paws on your arms and beams down at you. "We're not gonna be slaves!!"

You wonder what you could say in response, but the one thing your body is telling to you to do is throw your arms around him- so you do. And he doesn't think twice before squeezing you back, picking you up and swinging you around.

Then the world comes crashing down around Sly, as his son opens his eyes to see the scene- and gasps. The kitten sits up quickly in Granny's lap and points. "Oh, father! You did it! I knew you could do it!"

Immediately Sylvester puts you down, his paws retreating from you and a definite sense of nervousness - and maybe embarrassment? - settles over him. You raise your brows, confused, but still swimming in the joy of the game being won and just tilt your head as you confusedly smile. "What did he do??"

Sly Jr doesn't even think a second before gleefully elaborating- despite his father very nearly shaking his soul free waving his hands at him in a doomed endeavour to shut his son up. "No- stop, Junior!- "

"Asked you out! Didn't he?" As the wide eyed bewilderment on your face and the utter horror on Sylvester's dawns on Jr, his shoulders drop and he turns disappointedly at his dad. "Didn't you?"

"No!"

"Oh, father!- "

Sylvester Sr's tail, shoulders, and head slump forward as he turns his kitten around so he faces away from the two of you, embarrassment replaced by exasperation. "You're tired, son. Go to sleep. Night night, sleep tight, sweet dreams, don't let the bed bugs bite and we'll talk in the morning." Then he slowly, meekly turns back to you.

And you're practically glowing. "Sly... what's he talking about?"

"Father likes you!- " Sylvester Jr tries to speak up again, turning his head but Sr twists his head carefully back, a reprimanding tone in his voice.

"Sleep! Hah hah... " Sylvester (Sr) turns back to you, arms held carefully behind his back as he chuckles nervously. "My son is... troubled... a little- "He point at his head and swirls his finger; A gesture reading 'Loopy'. As soon as the meaning behind that word and his gesture occurs to you, you visibly droop. Oh. Okay... I guess SJ was just messing with us... Sly watches this reaction, and his ears perk up quickly; Sensing some dissappintment. "I mean, uh... unless you liked the i-idea?"

You peak up at him again from the floor, seeing his face slowly going red. "... D-do you?"

"Wha- I asked first! You answer the question."

"Hey." Setting your fists to your hips, you look stubbornly at him. "You were just taking it all back! So you tell the truth. Which is it??"

"Yeah- but I asked the question first!"

"Sylvester James Pussycat Senior!"

"Pfft... if you think pulling full name on me is going to change anything... " He rolls his eyes, crossing his arms. "You've got another thing comin'!"

Your eyes narrow, and so do his, before suddenly Taz jumps up from the bench he was resting on and ZOOMS past Sly so fast and so hazardously, that he's caught off guard and jumps forward with a yelp- accidentally knocking you.

"Oh!-"

"H-hold on, I got ya!!" Sylvester's eyes widen to the size of dinner plates and he grabs you just before gravity manages to drag you down to the ground; Pulling you back up to your feet- which just so happens to bring you two extremely close together.

Two sets of eyes widen and faces go red.

Everything seems to go a little quieter around you, the deafening sounds of the auditorium seeming to get plunged under water as the crazy all just slows down for just a moment. Enough for you to enjoy the few seconds you foreseeably get before he jumps back like someone sprayed him.

But to your surprise, he doesn't move. Just stands there and looks shocked... but does not move even an inch away from you. Doesn't even let go of you.

Finally, after a few good moments, you sigh and give in. "... Sly, would you like to go out sometime with me?"

"Ah... " His ears flatten against his head as he looks bashful, with a cute little smile that makes your stomach do backflips as he curls his tail around yours. "Yes, I'd like that very much."

You lean up and give him a feather light kiss on the cheeks- and he goes even redder.

[sturchling]

Congratulations on getting your Bachelor’s and I hope you don’t mind but it gave me the idea for another salt prompt where the class graduates and they try to get Lila to pony up on her promises to get them to there dream jobs and colleges but they can’t because she lied and they see Marinette (and anyone else you wish to spare) got in to there colleges (and/or jobs) because they knew Lila was lying and they put in the work to get to there College(and/or jobs) (thank you for your time

Thank you so much for the congratulations! and of course I don’t mind, this was fun to write. I hope you like it!

It was finally time. Mrs. Bustier’s class was graduating from lycée. Over the years since collège, the class had become very divided. The source of the division? Lila. It had been years since she had threatened Marinette with taking away all her friends. Lila had enthralled many people in the class, only a few people were able to see through her lies. Nino, Alix, Nathaniel, Chloe, and Kim had all realized that Lila had been lying over the years. They had stuck with Marinette through everything. Even when Lila had started lying and saying Marinette was bullying her. The rest of the class couldn’t understand why those five won’t leave Marinette behind. She was bullying the sweetest girl in the whole class.

 --------------------

Adrien was essentially a neutral party in all of this. He knew that Marinette wasn’t bullying Lila. He wanted to say something, to defend her like the other four. But his father had forbidden it. He was told that he needed to ‘maintain good relations’ with Lila for the good of the brand. He was also told that if he failed to do this, he would be pulled out of school. Marinette knew about this and completely understood. Adrien still helped where he could, by telling Marinette if Lila was telling any particularly heinous lies about her when she wasn’t there.

 --------------------

Chloe and Marinette weren’t exactly friends per say, but they had a truce between them. Chloe had apologized to Marinette right when they started lycée for treating her poorly. Marinette had forgiven her for the most part, but they still weren’t best friends. Instead, they had agreed not to go after one another and Chloe was more focused on messing with Lila. Afterall, Chloe didn’t like sharing the spotlight with ‘an utterly ridiculous girl’ like Lila.

 ---------------------

It became clear after a time that part of what made the class take Lila’s side was the promises she made them. Lila had promised the people in the class to help them with their chosen careers. Lila would always boast, “Well, since I know so many people in so many industries, it should be easy to help you guys reach your goals.” Alya of course wanted to be a journalist and Lila had told her, “Well, I know the executive editor for the New York Times. I’m sure Dean would love to have you join his team. I’ll put in a good word for you.”

 --------------------

Lila had come to a rehearsal for Kitty Section at one point and had told Juleka, Rose, and Ivan, “I know a bunch of people in the music industry. There is one music producer in particular from LA that would love to help you record a real album.” Luka got suspicious at this, knowing what Marinette had told him about this girl, and asked, “Well, then why don’t you put us in contact with them now?” Lila had an angry look flash across her face, that no one but Luka seemed to notice. Then she plastered a smile on her face and said in an overly sweet tone, “Oh Luka, I would love to. But they won’t work with kids. They only want to work with people who have at least graduated from school.” Juleka, Rose, and Ivan took what she said as the truth at face value. Luka however knew that the excuse she just gave was complete nonsense. There were plenty of teenage musicians and bands. But Juleka, Rose, and Ivan were now anxiously awaiting the day they graduated and could start working with this music producer. Since they thought they already had a music producer willing to work with them, the group eventually stopped practicing and performing. Luka ended up leaving the group, and ended up playing with Jagged Stone on tour once Luka graduated. The rest of the members of Kitty Section worried that this would affect their chances with the music producer Lila talked about, but she reassured them by saying the producer would be able to find a new guitarist for them when they signed with him. With that reassurance, the group stopped worrying and continued looking forward to their bright future in LA.

 --------------------------

Sabrina really wanted to go to École des Ponts ParisTech and study management. She knew that it was a very selective school. They only let 2000 people in each term. But she wanted to go to this school more than anything. It is one of the premier schools in the country and is also considered one of the best schools in the world. Chloe was planning to go to École des Ponts ParisTech to study management as well. At least that was the plan. They were both going to go together and Sabrina had been banking on Chloe to help her get in. But when the class had split over Marinette and Lila, Sabrina and Chloe stopped being friends. Now, Sabrina was very concerned that she wouldn’t get into the school of her dreams. That was until Lila mentioned, “Oh yeah, I know the guy in charge of admissions since I returned his lost dog to him. I’ll put in a good word for you, and then you will definitely get in. He really values my opinion.” Sabrina was over the moon when she heard this. Now she didn’t have to stress about getting into her dream school, and could just enjoy her time with her new best friend.

 ----------------------

Mylene had wanted to go into politics for a while. She wanted to help improve conditions for everyone she knew. She had always been an activist, but she knew it would be hard to cause any real change as an activist. The only way she could effect some real change would be if she were to get into some kind of political office.  Mylene really wanted to go to European School of Political and Social Sciences to get a degree in political science. That would really help Mylene in her pursuit of a political office. She was pretty sure that she would be able to get in, but she was naturally still worried. She knew they looked at extracurricular activities as well. They would want to have a student body that was active in their communities. Mylene had been planning to participate in many more community service programs before they all graduated to help pad her application. But Lila had told her, “You are fine Mylene. I talked with the admissions director for you. She couldn’t say anything official. But she did imply that you are already guaranteed admittance into the school. She essentially told me to let her know when we all graduated and she would push the application through.” Mylene was ecstatic to hear that. Especially because it meant she didn’t need to participate in any additional community service projects. She could spend more time with her friends in class and her boyfriend.

 -----------------------

It was obvious to everyone that Max wanted to work in video game programing. It was something that he really enjoyed doing, especially after creating the video game that was based on akumas. He was worried about finding a place that would be willing to bring him into their team. Sure, he had experience in programming a video game, but the game had never actually been published or sold. It was just played by his friends. He ultimately wanted to work at a big-name gaming company like Quantic Dream. But he was sure he would have to work his way up to that by starting at a smaller, lesser known, company. But then when he was discussing his plans with Lila, she told him, “Oh, don’t worry about it Max. I am very close with the head video game director for Ubisoft. They even had me come in and do some of my original choreography for the newest Just Dance game. I’m sure if I talked with him, he would hire you to be one of his programmers.” Max was thrilled to hear that he wouldn’t have to start at the bottom. He never thought he would start his career with such a big company like Ubisoft. So, Max stopped sending in the applications to the smaller companies and ignored any that asked for an interview. He didn’t need a job with them anymore.

 --------------------

As time went on, the class saw how the five students who had stayed with Marinette worked towards their goals. They thought is was funny that they had to work so hard for their dreams. If they had just left the bully and become friends with Lila, they wouldn’t have to work so hard. Nino had to work several smaller gigs as a DJ, but he did eventually build a fan base. Because of this, he got invited to DJ at bigger events and parties. He was eventually even contacted by a music producer that wanted to help Nino put out his first album. Nino was thrilled and couldn’t stop talking about it. The class was excited for him, but couldn’t help but think that things would have been easier for him if he had just sided with Lila. The members of Kitty Section in the class were confused, since Lila had told them that the music producers she knew didn’t work with anyone who hadn’t graduated yet. But Lila quickly covered her tracks by saying, “The music producers I know are all quality. They are all big-name producers. The guy talking with Nino is probably just a small-time producer.” The rest of the class was still happy for Nino, but they did feel bad for their friend working with such a small producer. The class also was happy for Nathaniel when his comic was officially published. He was also accepted into an excellent art school. Chloe did end up getting accepted into the management program at École des Ponts ParisTech by early decision. It made Sabrina nervous that she hadn’t heard anything, but Lila was quick to reassure her that she would be accepted as well. Alix was also becoming recognized as a pro skater.  She had won several competitions and was being considered for admittance into the X-games in Asia. Kim had also began training even harder for swimming. He was working hard to qualify for the Olympics. He was going to be competing at a qualifying competition a few weeks after the graduation ceremony. The class was happy to see these five students close to achieving their dreams. Marinette was even working hard toward her dream. She had launched a website to receive commissions and it was quite successful. Marinette had gained several celebrities as clients and was making a good profit. The class was less thrilled that the class bully was so successful. But in a few days, Lila would help them all achieve their dreams.

 ----------------------

The day of the graduation ceremony arrived and the class was all very happy to graduate. Marinette and her friends were excited to begin this new chapter in their lives. They all had their plans to achieve their goals and were well on their way to achieving their dreams. They felt a little sorry for their classmates. They knew that the class had listened to Lila and her lies and hadn’t put in any work lately for their goals. The only one that would be ok from that group would probably be Lila. She still had her job with Gabriel and if she decided to, she could probably get other modeling jobs now too. But the Marinette and her friends didn’t feel bad for long. They had tried to warn the class, but the class hadn’t listened to them. As Marinette and her friends left to go celebrate, the rest of the class stayed behind to talk with Lila. They wanted to know about the promises Lila had made them. Sabrina and Mylene had yet to hear from the schools they had applied to and none of the others had heard back about the jobs they wanted. Lila had been dodging them for a while, but they just assumed that she was preparing everything for them. But now, they had graduated and they needed to know what was going on. They all bombarded Lila with questions and Lila began looking more and more irritated. Lila just wanted to leave. She didn’t need these idiots anymore. They were helpful in school when they were doing the work for her, but now she could focus on modeling for Gabriel. So, the class no longer served any use. She eventually just exclaimed, “Would you guys just SHUT UP?! Look, I lied. I only said that stuff so you would do anything I asked. And it worked. You all fawned over me for years, and even did all my work. So, thanks but now that school is done and I already have a modeling job, I don’t need you anymore. So, there are no jobs waiting for you guys, and I didn’t talk to any admissions people for you two. See you never losers.” With that, Lila walked away and left the class in shock. The class was horrified as they realized they had fallen for the lies that Lila had fed them. They hadn’t done any work for their dreams. They realized that they were going to have some extreme difficulty reaching their goals now. Sabrina and Mylene would have to wait until next term to apply to their respective schools. Max was now regretting turning down all those interviews with the smaller gaming companies. The members of Kitty Section were distraught. Not only was there no music producer waiting for them, but they had also lost Luka as their guitarist. Alya was horrified. Not only did she not have an inside track with a person at the New York Times, but she had posted about Lila’s stories all over her blog. If Lila had lied about all of these schools and jobs, she probably lied about everything else. That blog was her only journalistic experience and if she used that on any applications to a news publication, they would laugh her out of the office. She really should have checked the sources, then none of this would have happened. Then the whole class realized what had happened with Marinette. Marinette had been telling the truth. And they were all cruel to her because of it. She tried to warn all of them, but they didn’t listen.

 -------------------

Lila had thought she had gotten away with everything. She had gotten through school without having to do any of the work. Now she had a modeling job with one of the biggest names in the fashion industry and could easily get another if she needed. And Adrien was all hers now, his father was keeping him in line. What she didn’t realize is now the threat that was keeping him from exposing her was gone. Adrien’s father couldn’t pull him out of school, since he had already graduated. What Lila also hadn’t realized was that Adrien had been at the edge of the school and had filmed the whole interaction with the class. He had her on film saying that she was a liar. He was happy to finally be able to take direct action against the liar. She may be akumatized for it, and he would feel bad. But he and Ladybug would handle it. With that thought in mind, he posted the video.

--------------------

The public reaction was swift. All of Adrien’s followers saw the video and quickly shared it, horrified that their idol had been working with such a horrible girl. The video was seen millions of times in just a few hours. By the next morning, it had made headline news. Everyone in France and several people around the world new of Lila Rossi, the liar of Paris. Gabriel was inundated with hundreds of complaints about the girl, asking how he could employ a liar like her. Gabriel knew that Lila made a good ally for his less legal activities, but she had quickly become a liability for his fashion brand. He had Lila called to the mansion for a meeting. Lila was unaware of the now viral video, and hadn’t realized that most of Paris knew about her. She arrived at the mansion and was immediately escorted into the study. Gabriel didn’t say anything, just played the video for Lila. Lila paled with every passing second. How had she not noticed someone filming her. At the end of the video Gabriel coldly told her, “You have become a liability for my brand. I can’t have you in my employ anymore. Mrs. Rossi, you are fired. Leave my house immediately and do not attempt to contact me any further.” With that, the girl was escorted from the premise.

-------------------------

After everything, the members of the class that had sided with Lila had been having a hard time achieving their goals. Mylene had managed to be accepted into her school, but the others weren’t as lucky. Sabrina went to a different school than the one she had planned. Kitty Section had found a new guitarist and was having small success at local venues. But they haven’t been signed by anyone yet. Alya had been unable to get a job at a newspaper at the moment and was instead writing her own online magazine. Max did end up getting a job at a smaller video game company, but hadn’t had any success in getting a job with a bigger company yet. Lila was not able to get any other modeling jobs. She ended up working at a small café, still trying to get her big break. Marinette and her friends on the other hand were doing quite well. Chloe was doing well in school. Nino had become a very successful DJ with a few albums already released. Alix was competing in several competitions and had done very well in the X-games in Asia. Kim had ended up qualifying for the Olympics and was set to compete in the next summer Olympics. Nathaniel had become a very successful comic book artist and was looking at a job with Marvel. Marinette herself was doing very well with her fashion. She had designed for several celebrities and continued to design for Jagged for several of his tours. She had become a big name in fashion. Her and her friends were all doing well and met up several times since graduation. One day they went to a small café near their old school. When they went inside, the person at the register taking their order was none other than Lila. Marinette and her friends were happy that Lila had gotten what she deserved. And Lila was furious that her rival was so successful. She tried to kiss up to Marinette in the hopes the girl would give her a modeling job. Marinette just laughed and said, “Why would I give you a job? As I recall, you said we were at war.” Lila tried to give a fake apology, but Marinette didn’t buy it. The group of friends took their food and left the liar behind, glad to be rid of her.

[theyilinglaozus]

Thank you, to those who reached out after my (now deleted) post from yesterday. I’m sorry if anyone was particularly worried, and I am deeply touched by those who extended their kindness 🥺 I will be responding to those messages in a little bit. 

I feel as if I should make a little post - one which I won’t delete - to let people know about my headspace and feelings within fandom as of late. 

I’ll pop them below a cut for those that aren’t interested, but if you are, please read ahead. If this is as far as you’ll be reading, just know that I am telling myself not to post late and when the low moments take over, and to instead go back to retreating into comfort spaces away from internet spaces (like the books I have to read, the shows I have to enjoy) until the next day when, hopefully, such phases pass. 

Last nights low period helped to remind me that there are those in fandom circles who care and show kindness, and that I need to ignore the louder parts of the circles which make me feel such feelings of discomfort and upset. 

As mentioned yesterday, for some time now I have felt uncomfortable in certain spaces - especially areas of the tumblr community for MDZS/CQL. There are reasons for this, of which I won’t go into too much detail as I am still actively trying to distance myself from past happenings, but I saw a few gif posts that made me rather concerned. Again, I won’t go into it as I’m sure many will just be like ‘Kimmie, that’s silly. It was a joke!’ which I understand! But, jokes can sometimes be pulled in poor taste, y’know?

The thing is, I do sometimes feel like there is - perhaps unintentionally - an aura of gatekeeping and bullying in the fandom, to the point where it’s started to feel as exhausting as being at school. I know I am not the only person who has recently felt this way, as I have seen much the same sentiment shared amongst others - creators and non creators - and it truly saddens me, especially given how we’ve all been brought together over a joint love for not only these stories and characters, but also the culture and the country they come from. 

Right now is a difficult time for fans of Chinese danmei and danmei adaptions what with all the drama happenings in and around the industry and what it means for the future - but I sometimes feel like members of the fandom don’t treat others as if they are already adults understanding that a lot of the current troubles stem much farther than just ‘my favourite show / book / character / actor is causing controversy’ and into the veins of what it truly means for the LGBT+ communities native to these countries. Of course you do have those fans that are problematic and only care about their favourite characters and stories (as I have, very sadly, seen examples of just today on twitter in relation to Immortality likely never seeing an air date), but a lot of the people I talk with and have been in contact with are truly passionate and saddened by the real life ramifications far more, and what it means for things like representation for queer youth, how certain behaviours affect not just those who hold/held fame but the average Chinese person.

I also feel that there are spaces filled with hypocrisy. Where people are vocal about addressing issues on one thing, but then are ready and willing to put down others on other matters, or partake in certain things as over sexualisation of actors or infantilisation of K-Pop stars. I sometimes think it’s just me that sees this and often wonder if I’m just noticing things that aren’t there, but it makes me wonder. 

I don’t really want to keep on this topic - I could go on, but it won’t change anything. People need to learn to grow and be something better for themselves, and my pointing out each individual case I’ve noticed won’t help in any way. Those people won’t see this, and if they do they’ve long decided not to speak with me if they’re not already blocked by me. But the reason why I felt to speak this even partly openly is because I feel it’s important for people to be aware that their words towards others may not mean much to them, but it means something to others. That their actions may seem fun to them and their friends, but may actually be harmful to others. I rarely want to make CQL/MDZS content these days - and that upsets me, as I used to take great comfort and joy in doing so. I’d like to return to a feeling of comfort where I can create for this fandom, but it’s not right now.

I’d like to bring to focus this tweet thread + replies, which I think is incredibly important. Please know that I am not Chinese, so I often do not want to comment on such matters, but these voices from those who are Chinese and welcome diversity into the community give me the strength to bring these issues to light. 

As for me? I’m not going anywhere. I know a few people who messaged thought I was posting a leaving message - and I wasn’t. While the thought has happened its more for the creative atmosphere feeling stifling - much for the reasons above. When I first found this community nearly two years ago it felt very welcoming and comforting - much like when I used to be a part of watching Taiwanese and Japanese dramas over ten years ago through the days of myanimelist. I am very much a fandom old, so slowly seeing the space close and feel more inclusive and pressurised as of late has felt very disheartening. To me, as long as people are being caring and respectable, and acting with a level head and bearing in mind the real world ramifications as well as what is on a screen or in a book - I have no problems with how people have fun in fandom! I always say, the more the merrier. But I also understand this is not primarily a space designed for me, so my say means little. I just wish more care and kindness extended - on both ends of the spectrum.

If you made it this far, thank you for reading. I think this will be the last I say on the subject, but if you do want to talk about anything I’ve said, please message me privately. 

[earlysunsetsoverambrose]

Fool For You (2/4)

Lester Sinclair x f!Reader 

Warnings: Cursing

A/N: Part 2 of a request for @mynameisliterallycash!

When Lester said he was getting dog food, you figured he meant one or two small bags. Instead, you watched as he hefted two huge bulk bags of food over his shoulder. They each had to weigh around fifty pounds and he carried them like they were nothing. Your eyes widened as your jaw dropped, awestruck by the casual display of muscle.

Dazed still, you trailed after him to the checkout. While he made idle chatter with the clerk, he was completely unaware you were wrapped up in an entirely different check out of your own. Heat rose to your cheeks, allured by Lester’s physical strength as daydreams of him literally sweeping you off your feet flooded your thoughts. He turned around, snapping you back to reality as you tried to wipe the dopey expression off your face.

“Alright then, ya ready to –” Lester stopped short, sending you a puzzled look, “Hey are ya okay?”

“What? Of course, I am. Why are you asking?” you responded rapidly, embarrassed you’d been caught staring a third time.

“Ya sure? Ya look a little red. Ya ain’t gettin’ sick or nothin’, are ya?” Lester said concerned. He reached out his free hand and pressed its back against your forehead, “Don’t feel like ya got a fever.”

“N-no, I’m fine,” you stuttered, his hand against your head sending static through your brain as you tried to come up with an excuse, “It’s just from the cold air today, I think.”  

“Okay, if ya say so.” Lester shrugged as he gestured for you to follow him out the door. You cleared your throat, thankful for the gust of wind that cooled the fire trapped in your face.  

“You sure you don’t need help with those?” you asked.  

“These? Nah, they ain’t so bad,” Lester responded, “You oughta see some of the bucks I gotta haul ‘round. Damn things weigh a ton! Nearly threw out my back once tryin’ to throw one on the truck.”

“Never knew you were a regular strongman. I guess it never occurred to me the deer can’t carry their own dead weight.” You said with growing admiration.

“That’s what I’m there for!” Lester said gleefully as he tossed the bags in the back. He closed the bed and rested against the truck as he crossed his arms.

“Well, thanks for taking me along for the ride, anyway.” You said, leaning next to him.

“Sure thing! I love bringin’ ya ‘long like this,” Lester told you, affectionately nudging you with his elbow, “I’ll tell ya, havin’ someone to talk to wouldn’t hurt during my day job neither. Might go a long way makin’ some of the time go by. Gets a little too quiet drivin’ ‘round all day all by myself.”

“Well, would you mind if I tagged along once in a while?” you proposed, looking up at him.

“Ya’d do that? I mean, ya’d really want to?” Lester asked excitedly, “It can get kinda gnarly.”

“Sure. Why not? Can’t be any gnarlier than Bo on a bad day. It’s got to be better than sitting around getting old in Ambrose.” You said, smiling back at him.

“Ya really don’t have to, if ya don’t want.” He said, giving you the option changing your mind.

“I know I don’t, but I would really like to go with you. That is, if you don’t mind.” You could practically see him vibrating with joy.

“Mind? Course I don’t mind! We’re gonna have so much fun together, I promise! Thanks, Y/N! You’re the best!” he exclaimed, elated. He jumped up from the truck and wrapped you up in a tight hug, swinging you back and forth. You couldn’t contain you laughter, even if you couldn’t breathe with the way he was squeezing you.

Lester set you back down, leaving you with only a ghost of the feeling of his warm embrace. You lingered in place trying to memorize the sensation while he went ahead to open the passenger door for you without a second thought. Once you were seated, he closed the door and got back in beside you. He threw you a carefree smile as you took off once again.

The two of you made lighthearted conversation on the way back to Lester’s cabin. You started going back and forth about the art of catching various animals that try to make a home in your garbage. Well, it was mostly Lester walking you through the process, breaking it down by species. You listened to how he had basically mastered the art of pest wrangling without killing them. Your heart swelled hearing how insistent he was that killing them wasn’t necessary. He never wanted to hurt anyone or anything if he could help it.

You were just about to ask him a question, when he abruptly hit the brakes. You both lurched forward before falling back into your seats. You glanced around, collecting yourself from the sudden stop.

“Is everything okay? Why’d you stop?” He didn’t answer, as he began to carefully scan your surroundings, “What are you looking for? Lester?”  

“There she is!” Lester shouted, pressing his face up against his window, totally distracted from your questions. He smiled back at you over his shoulder, “Follow me!” He threw his door open without another word and jumped out, anxiously waiting for you to join him.

“Follow you where? Wait for me!” you called after him. You swiftly slid out of the car and onto the ground, clueless as to why you stopped here of all places. Lester darted ahead, chasing something you couldn’t see. You did your best to follow close, but he ducked down into the grass. You jogged to where he disappeared to find him on his knees, reveling in an assault of kisses from a delighted stray dog. Surprise took over your features, thrilled to be meeting a new friend.

“I missed ya too, girl!” Lester gasped through his uncontrollable laughter, echoing through the woods, “Ya been good a doggy? I bet ya have! Hope ya ain’t been too lonely out here!”

“Who’s this, Lester?” you asked in gentle voice, immediately enamored with the dog before you. She was about Jonesy’s size, with a blonde shaggy coat. She looked young with energy and enthusiasm that gave Lester a run for his money.

“Oh, Y/N! I’d like ya to meet Buttercup!” Lester said as he separated himself from the dog’s abundance of affection, “Buttercup, this is my friend Y/N!”

“A pleasure to meet you, Miss Buttercup.” You said as you got down to offer your hand for a sniff. Buttercup took a few whiffs before deciding you were in fact a friend. Her tail wagged back and forth as she allowed you to pet her as well, “She’s so cute, Lester!”

“I know! Ain’t she the sweetest?” Lester concurred, “I found her snoozin’ in a patch of buttercups, so that’s what I started callin’ her!”

“How long has she been here?” you asked, scratching Buttercup behind the ears as she jumped up to rest her front paws on Lester’s shoulders, licking his face once more.

“A while now, I see a few strays runnin’ ‘round while I’m workin’. So, I try and visit with ‘em, if I can. But I left some bowls to fill when I’m on my route, case they get hungry.” Lester managed to gesture to an empty bowl a few feet away from you despite being smothered by more kisses. That explained the industrial sized bags of food. “Speaking of which – you hungry, Buttercup?” she barked in response.

Lester grabbed the bowl and jogged back to the truck to fill it with Buttercup in tow. Your eyes followed after him, the dopey look returning to your face. He conversed with Buttercup like an old friend as he scooped out her food. He was so attentive and kind, listening to her response and matching her excitement. They made their way back to you, thick as thieves. Lester set the bowl down when he made it back next to you, petting Buttercup while she dug into her meal, “Now, don’t eat so fast ya get sick, there’s plenty where that came from. Ole Lester’s got ya covered.”

You let out a deep sigh, endeared by the scene before you. Lester treated every person and creature with such consideration and care; and he never asked for anything in return. He had so much love in his heart and he was willing to share it with anyone who wanted it. With as much as he gives to everyone else, you wondered if anyone had ever told him how much they care about him or appreciate his presence in their life. He deserved to have someone who could give him back all the love he put into the world.

You wanted to be the one. You would finally treat him right. He all but stole your heart and he deserved to hear it from you, even if he might not feel the same. The consequences suddenly didn’t seem to matter so much in this moment. You wanted him to know how important he really was to you, because everyone deserves to know they are loved. You needed to tell him now while you were brave enough.

“Lester, there’s something I need to tell you.” You started, heartbeat racing in your ears, drowning out all the doubt and second thoughts. He perked up, listening close.

“Ya can tell me anythin’, Y/N. Ya know that.” Lester said softly, that warm smile pulling at your heartstrings again.

“Lester…I lo–” a deafening crack of thunder cut you off. With that, Buttercup hightailed it back into hiding. You gasped as you stood, starting after her, worried she may get lost or hurt in the impending storm. You moved to run after her, “Oh no, Buttercup, wait!”

“Hold up, Y/N! Ya can’t catch her, believe me, I tried.” Lester called to stop you, “I tried gettin’ her in the truck a few times to go to a shelter, but she don’t like it. If she ain’t ready to go, we can’t make her. She’ll come ‘round when she’s ready.”

“But we can’t just leave her out here.” You said, searching the area for any sign of her.

“Don’t worry ‘bout her too much, she’s a survivor.” Lester said, putting a comforting hand on your shoulder. “’Sides she’s got a little hideout not far from here. I found her there a couple times and left a few blankets after makin’ sure it wouldn’t cave in on her. It’ll keep her nice and dry ‘til this blows over. Alright? She’ll be safe, I promise.”

“Are you sure?” You asked, almost tearing up at the thought of her shivering somewhere all by herself.

“Sure as my name is Lester Sinclair. We can even come check on her tomorrow, if ya like.” Lester offered, “But we really oughta get outta here ‘fore the rain starts.”

“Okay,” you said hesitantly, “Promise we can check on her?”

“Yes ma’am, I swear. Cross my heart.” Lester assured you, drawing an X over his chest.

You both started toward the truck once more. You silently cursed the weather for interrupting your confession. The moment had passed and the doubts had returned to their work. Despite this, the affection swelling in your chest still pulled you to act on some part of it.

Without thinking too hard for once, you took Lester’s hand in yours. He glanced down to your linked hands and then back at you.

“Are ya scared of thunder storms?” He asked curiously.

“No. Why?” You responded, confused where he got that idea.

“Ya just look a little nervous is all. Thought ya might not like thunder or somethin’.” Lester explained, “I know storms used to scare the hell outta me when I was a kid. Never used to like ‘em one bit, ‘specially if I was by myself.”

“No, I kind of like storms.” You told him.

“Oh, then are your hands cold or somethin’?” Lester asked, gesturing with your connected hands, trying to understand the reason for the spontaneous handholding.

“Uh, well, not exac–”

“Cause ya look a little rosy again. Just makin’ sure ya ain’t gettin’ frostbite or nothin’.” He interjected.

“No, I’m okay.” You told him with your hundredth sigh of the day.

“Well, just in case. Take this.” He said as he released your hand and took off his hat to pull it over your eyes with a chuckle. He readjusted it on your head, revealing the way he was beaming at you. You rarely got to see him without his trusty hat. Even with his hair being a little sweaty and sticking every which way, it was still ridiculously tempting to run your fingers through. The energy radiating from him was so wholesome and pure. Looking at him, you could swear the clouds lifted and the sun was shining all of a sudden. He squeezed your cheeks in his hands, with a laugh, “There, now ain’t that better! Nice and toasty.”

“T-thanks, Les.” You stuttered, reaching up to feel the soft fabric of his hat, the heat in your cheeks only growing more intense under his hold on your face.

 “My pleasure! I gotta say ya look mighty cute right now. Helluva lot better than I ever looked.” He told you, releasing your face and patting you on the back, “Now, let’s make like Buttercup and get to shelter!”

You made it back to the truck right before the heavy rain started pouring down. Lester took off down the road again, toward his cabin. You watched through the window as the storm raged on outside, matching the storm in your mind. The time had felt so right to tell Lester everything, but now you weren’t sure. What you were sure of, however, is that you needed to tell him soon. You thought you might actually burst if you didn’t. You couldn’t keep living like this.      

[bananaofswifts]

In the new Taylor Swift documentary, “Miss Americana,” which premiered at the Sundance Film Festival Thursday night, there’s a montage of derogatory commentary about the singer that has appeared on cable shows over the years. One of the less nasty remarks: “She’s too skinny. It bothers me.”

As it turns out, it eventually bothered Swift, too.

In one of the most revealing and surprising segments of the Netflix film, Swift talks for several minutes about having struggled in the past with an eating disorder.

After being pictured facing a phalanx of photographers after she emerges from her front door, Swift is heard in voiceover saying that “it’s not good for me to see pictures of myself every day.” Although she says “it’s only happened a few times, and I’m not in any way proud of it,” Swift admits there have been times in the past when she’s seen “a picture of me where I feel like I looked like my tummy was too big, or… someone said that I looked pregnant … and that’ll just trigger me to just starve a little bit — just stop eating.”

Swift elaborated on what she’s gone through with that in her interview with Variety for this week’s cover story, saying that it was difficult for her to speak up about it for the documentary.

“I didn’t know if I was going to feel comfortable with talking about body image and talking about the stuff I’ve gone through in terms of how unhealthy that’s been for me — my relationship with food and all that over the years,” she tells Variety. “But the way that Lana (Wilson, the film’s director) tells the story, it really makes sense. I’m not as articulate as I should be about this topic because there are so many people who could talk about it in a better way. But all I know is my own experience. And my relationship with food was exactly the same psychology that I applied to everything else in my life: If I was given a pat on the head, I registered that as good. If I was given a punishment, I registered that as bad.”

In the quiet of a hotel suite, she goes into greater detail on how formative an effect that one early tabloid torpedo had on her. “I remember how, when I was 18, that was the first time I was on the cover of a magazine,” she says. “And the headline was like ‘Pregnant at 18?’ And it was because I had worn something that made my lower stomach look not flat. So I just registered that as a punishment. And then I’d walk into a photo shoot and be in the dressing room and somebody who worked at a magazine would say, ‘Oh, wow, this is so amazing that you can fit into the sample sizes. Usually we have to make alterations to the dresses, but we can take them right off the runway and put them on you!’ And I looked at that as a pat on the head. You register that enough times, and you just start to accommodate everything towards praise and punishment, including your own body.”

She hesitates. “I think I’ve never really wanted to talk about that before, and I’m pretty uncomfortable talking about it now,” she says quietly. “But in the context of every other thing that I was doing or not doing in my life, I think it makes sense” to have it in the film, she says.

Wilson, the director, is proud of Swift for taking up the subject with such candor. “That’s one of my favorite sequences of the film,” she says. “I was surprised, of course. But I love how she’s kind of thinking out loud about it. And every woman will see themselves in that sequence. I just have no doubt.”

The filmmaker points out that there were clearly plenty of people who didn’t think Swift was too thin back in the mid-2010s. “You can also just not notice people being really skinny, because we’re all so accustomed to seeing women on magazine covers who are unhealthy-skinny, and that’s become normalized.” Even with non-celebrities, Wilson says, everybody’s a body critic. “It’s incessant, and I can say this as a woman: It’s amazing to me how people are constantly like ‘You look skinny’ or ‘You’ve gained weight.’ People you barely know say this to you. And it feels awful, and you can’t win either way. So I think it’s really brave to see someone who is a role model for so many girls and women be really honest about that. I think it will have a huge impact.”

As much as Swift may be seen as a role model for speaking frankly on the subject, she’s got her own favorite artist, so to speak, when it comes to advocacy for women’s bodily self-image issues.

“I love people like (actress and activist) Jameela Jamil, because she says things in a really articulate way,” the singer tells us. “The way she speaks about body image, it’s almost like she speaks in a hook. If you read her quotes about women and body image and aging and the way that women are treated in our industry and portrayed in the media, I swear the way she speaks is like lyrics, and it gets stuck in my head and it calms me down. Because women are held to such a ridiculous standard of beauty. We’re seeing so much on social media that makes us feel like we are less than, or we’re not what we should be, that you kind of need a mantra to repeat in your head when you start to have harmful or unhealthy thoughts. So she’s one of the people who, when I read what she says, it sticks with me and it helps me.”

In the film, then-and-now photos illustrate just how thin Swift had gotten during the “1989” era, versus the still svelte but healthier look she sported by the time she toured behind the “Reputation” album in 2018. Swift says that her under-eating in that earlier time severely affected her stamina on tour.

“I thought that I was supposed to feel like I was going to pass out at the end of a show, or in the middle of it,” she attests in the documentary. “Now I realize, no, if you eat food, have energy, get stronger, you can do all these shows and not feel (enervated).” Swift says she doesn’t care so much now if someone comments on a weight gain, and she’s reconciled “the fact that I’m a size 6 instead of a size double-zero.” Swift says she was completely unaware that anything was wrong in her double-zero era, and had a defense at the ready should it come up. If anyone expressed concern, she’d say, “‘What are you talking about? Of course I eat. …. I exercise a lot.’ And I did exercise a lot. But I wasn’t eating.”

Few women viewing the film will fail to nod their heads as Swift describes the impossibility of any body shape or size living up to all the standards for beauty. “If you’re thin enough, then you don’t have that ass that everybody wants,” she says in the film. “But if you have enough weight on you to have an ass, your stomach isn’t flat enough. It’s all just f—ing impossible.” As she became aware of the problem, Swift says in the film, it would cause her to “go into a real shame/hate spiral.”

The word “shame” comes up elsewhere in conversation with Swift, who by virtue of becoming one of the most celebrated women in the world has also had to deal with more catty comments than almost any celebrity in the world — and hasn’t always succeeded in shaking it all off.

“I was watching a Netflix Brené Brown special on shame, because I read a lot of her books, because I have dealings with shame every once in awhile,” Swift tells Variety. “She was saying something like, ‘It’s ridiculous to say “I don’t care what anyone thinks about me,” because that’s not possible. But you can decide whose opinions matter more and whose opinions you put more weight on.’ And I think that is really part of growing up, if you’re going to do it right. That’s part of hoping to find some sort of maturity and balance in your life.”

She continues, “I don’t expect anyone with a pop career to learn how to do that within the first 10 years. And I know that there’s a lot of bad stuff that’s gone on recently, a lot of really hard stuff my family is going through, and a lot of opposition and feeling pressure or suppression of one kind or another. But I am actually really happy. Because I pick and choose now, for the most part, what I care deeply about. And I think that’s made a huge difference.”

[shintorikhazumi]

Yet Again (5): “Is dinner ready yet?”

A/N: I think y’all had the wrong idea about Diana’s words and Kotone and being with Akko. Everyone means everyone y’all. Kotone included.

I’ve been buried in school, so I definitely can’t do my long fics ;-; rip. Been trying tho.

Anywho, Enjoy?

~Shintori Khazumi

"I never really understood why we didn't move back sooner, mum." Kotone carried a box down the mansion's hall towards the guest rooms, walking in step with one of her mothers.

"Can you really say that when you've only just graduated from the academy? I've also had my share of responsibilities at Luna Nova. There was never really... a good enough reason to come back and stay. Except for the usual maintenance checks for the property."

"Hmm..."

"Anyway, Kotone,"

The girl turned her head to Diana, silently telling her to go on. Diana didn't know why it was suddenly so difficult to speak. Maybe it was Kotone's nonchalance at the moment, her innocent reaction? towards the situation they were in? Was it her calmness that contrasted all Diana's worries that unnerved the Cavendish matriarch?

"Mum?" Kotone reached a hand out, shaking her mother by the shoulder in concern.

"Bringing you here with us..." Diana finally spoke. "-you really don't mind?"

She knew her face was an open book, revealing to her daughter all her troubled feelings and thoughts. When she told Beatrix that she would stay, and that 'everyone' would be a part of this experience with Akko, she had immediately decided in her mind to bring everyone involved in this situation to the manor to make things easier. But "immediately deciding" for everyone had meant that she planned on stringing everyone along, her own daughter included, without due knowledge and consent.

Only now had she begun to wonder whether or not this was selfishness on her part. With those thoughts in place, it made it all the more surprising to see her family and friends' willingness to join Akko and herself. It moved her in ways unimaginable.

Yet... she still wondered if it was alright for them to go along with them. This wasn't something that directly affected most of them. If anything, it was more of a problem of Diana's and Akko's. Why would they...

"I was- no... I am happy. That you brought me home, Mum." Kotone placed the box down on the ground before wrapping her arms around her mother, and Diana wondered just when did her little girl get so big. She was almost as tall as Diana. “And Home is wherever you and Mama are.”

Diana willed the tears away. ‘Kotone... who raised you to be so wonderful?’

Still, Diana’s anxieties had the better of her.

"But... What about your friends? What about the things you'd like to do? Leaving all of the things and people you've known for so long... the plans you must have already made. You're a full-fledged adult as well. Surely you had other things in mind and I-... Oh! Didn't you say you wanted to study further at the-"

"Mum."

"Y-yes?"

Kotone sighed.

"First of all, my friends and I... we all know that we wanted to do different things with our magic. We have different dreams and that's okay. Wasn't it the same for you all too? You working at Luna Nova while Aunt Han and Aunt Amanda applied as attendants to the royal family. Aunt Lotte has her boutique, and Aunt Barbara is an ambassador for the witches."

"I suppose... you are correct."

"I am."

Diana found herself chuckling at this confidence, ruffling her daughter's hair. Oh, just where had she gotten this prideful trait from? This sureness in herself?

"As for what I want to do, well..." Kotone hummed as Diana waited nervously. "I haven't really decided, haha." Kotone gave her mother a squeeze. "I just said I'd study further because I didn't really know. Is that so bad?" She looked up at her mother, eyes questioning.

"No. It's not bad at all. Everyone has there own story, dream, and path to walk. You have only just begun in your journey." Diana smiled tenderly. Kotone so easily put her worries to rest, comforting her just like that.

"And anyway! If studying is what I've chosen to do, wouldn't it be the best to study under- and alongside- one of the best professors in the industry?" She grinned at her mother, and Diana had to roll her eyes at that, pinching her daughter's nose.

"Sweet talker."

"Chariot du Nord! Also Professor Croix. I never got to attend her classes since she stopped teaching. The older students said her class was so cool!"

Cheeky little-

"Also, it's not everyday you get taught by one of the Legendary Olde Nine! Mom, you never really let me meet Great Grandma Beatrix before!!!"

"...g-great grandm-"

"I met her yesterday after we unpacked! When I went to see Mama."

"You've already gone to see Ak-... how did you even find...?"

"The succession ceremony shrine."

Diana flinched. Had it actually already occurred? Did Diana just miss an actual milestone in her daughter's life yet again-

"It's not what you think, Mum. I didn't have it. Not yet, at least." Kotone stepped back from the embrace, holding onto Diana's hands. "I plan on following in your steps, Mum." She stated, determined.

Diana felt joy and pride swell up within her at the sight of her child. Serious, sincere, and very much worthy.

"I just don't think I'm ready for that yet." She gave a little laugh. "Oh, but if you're wondering how I found it, Ivory took me there the other day for some reason."

Ivory. Kotone's unicorn summon and familiar. One of the guardian’s of the Cavendish Household, and a symbol of their lineage.

Maybe that succession ceremony wasn't as far off as they'd assumed.

"I see."

"Oh, there you are. Thanks for helping out with our things, Diana, Kotone."

"Hi, Aunt Lotte!" Kotone turned to greet the new arrival before handing Lotte the box with the woman's belongings.

Diana hadn't realized they had arrived outside the guest rooms, mind having been preoccupied the entire walk there.

"It's no trouble. I was the one who asked for your help, after all. And really," She chuckled, reaching out to ruffle her daughter's hair. "I have a healthy sidekick to do all the heavy lifting for me."

"Hey!"

They all shared a laugh at that, only interrupted by a loud grumbling stomach.

"Kotone..."

"Wha-That wasn't me!" The youngest flushed, pouting at her mother's teasing.

"My bad." Sucy suddenly came out into the hallway, scratching the back of her head sheepishly. "Is dinner ready yet?"

"Sucy!!!" Lotte pinched her cheek. "Could you at least be a little more courteous in other people's homes?"

"It's fine Lotte." Diana laughed. "I'll admit, it's getting a little late. What do you say we head off to the dining room? Afterwards, I'll-"

"Bring food to Mama? Can I come?" Kotone suddenly exclaimed, excited. Really, for how big she'd already gotten, she still could act like the most precious little child in Diana's eyes.

"Of course." Diana smiled. "I wonder if that private session has finished yet..."

//-//-//-//-//

{Atsuko. Please focus.}

"I'm trying."

{I know.}

"I can't-"

{You have to.}

"Hey Beatrix?"

{Speak.}

"...H-How long do you think we-"

{That is not something I can answer yet.}

"...I didn't even finish the question..." Akko muttered, opening her eyes with a sigh and looking to her current mentor staring right back at her. But really, Beatrix had read her worries as though she were an open book. 

{We've only just begun, Kagari Atsuko. Do not assume the worst until you've exhausted all efforts for the best.}

"...right."

{Now. Focus.}

“Okay.” Akko closed her eyes once more, running the spell through her head a few more times. Actually, she had another question. “Hey, Beat-”

{Focus.}

“I just-”

{Atsuko.}

“Okay! okay! Sheesh... I was just wondering...” Akko grumbled, eyes squeezing shut again, feeling a familiar churning in her stomach.

'Ugh... Is dinner ready yet?'

{Focus.}

"...hai."

[gothgovernment]

In Bed With Geo (Louis Tomlinson One Shot)

December 2015

"Hi friends and welcome back to in bed with Geo. As you can see, today I'm in bed by myself. This video has been a long time coming, which makes filming it right now absolutely terrifying..." I trail off with a nervous laugh. "Because I was so nervous, I spent three hours getting ready just to avoid this for as long as possible." I smile into the camera before taking a moment to collect my thoughts.

"As I'm sure you've all heard, One Direction announced their hiatus today. I've known this was coming for a few weeks now and it breaks my heart to see this all come to an end. These guys are the reason I have a career. These guys are some of my best friends. These guys are the reason I'm still here. And I am so proud of them for doing what's right and taking a break now before they all burn out..." I start to tear up. Fuck this video is going to be a rough one to edit.

"So, this is my story of how One Direction, and one member in particular, impacted my life in the best way possible."

September 2011

"Welcome Mr Tanaka," the petite lady at the door said as she let my father and I into the party. It was packed with important looking people wearing their nicest suits and dresses. One Direction signs littered the walls as everyone celebrated the release of the boy bands first single 'What Makes You Beautiful'. My dad is a musician with Syco. He helped write and record the guitar for One Directions upcoming debut album. I've always admired his work and I am so proud of him for helping aspiring musicians to realize their dreams.

Dad turned to me and smiled while throwing his tattooed arm around me, "you look so beautiful tonight, honey." He always knew how to ease my nerves. I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear as I responded with a soft thanks. "I've got to go congratulate the boys, want to come meet them?"

"Of course! I've only been asking you to introduce me since your first session with them," I giggled as Dad stuck his tongue out at me. I quickly grabbed a glass of champagne from a tray a waitress was carrying before following dad in the direction of 5 young lads. As we approached them, beautiful blue eyes locked with mine. I smiled politely at the handsome boy as Dad and I came to a stop in front of the group. He returned the smile and stuck his hand out for me to shake.

"Ahh so you're Geo. Izuki here has not shut up about you! I'm Louis," he said cheekily, giving my dad a playful nudge on the shoulder after our hands parted.

"Oh really? What has he said about me? All good things I assume," I bite back a smile as I see Dad rolling his eyes at us. Dad has told me a lot about the boys, but especially Louis. He seems to think we are destined to be friends.

"Alright, give it a rest," my Dad huffed with a smirk, "Boys!" My dad called to grab the attention of the remaining four band members. "This is my daughter Geo. Geo, this is Zayn, Harry, Liam and Niall." They all took turns shaking my hand with Harry even giving me a hug. "Right well, I'm leaving Geo with you while I go and talk business." Dad quickly turned and walked away, leaving me with these strangers. I watched Dad walk away before slowly turning back to the boys, immediately locking eyes with Louis again.

I spent the next 3 hours being dragged around the party by Louis, being introduced to countless important people. Something about this boys carefree and almost childish nature made me feel instantly attached to him. He is just so unapologetically himself all the time, it's almost contagious.

We had just finished raiding the food table when Louis asked me, "so, Geo... what are your plans for the future? Izuki has mentioned you're an incredible drummer." I should have known my Dad would talk about my drumming. It is, after all, his greatest achievement in me. Instilling me with a passion for music is the reason we are so close to each other. After my mother suddenly passed away, connecting through music has gotten us through our grief.

"Well right now my dream is to work as a drum tech but I also have an idea for a YouTube channel where I interview musicians, in my bed, pyjamas on, and ask them real questions. I want to talk to people about how their lives have influenced their music. How being in the industry impacts them. I want to know about their families, their hopes and dreams. I want to talk to artists like real people. Get to know why they are in this industry and if it's worth it. If the pros outweigh the cons... But that's just a fantasy. I would have no idea where to even start. I mean, the only musicians I really know are my dad and now you." I fiddle with the ring on my middle finger, realizing I just gave a much longer than necessary answer. Louis' silence causes me to look away from my ring and toward him. He is looking at me, mouth agape. His face suddenly splits into a smile which instantly helps to ease my slowly growing anxiety.

"You're a very interesting girl, Geo. Very interesting indeed..." He trails off as he quickly pulls out his phone, texting someone rapidly.

~

It's now close to midnight and Dad has decided to call it a night. As I bid farewell to the boys in the form of hugs, I reach Louis last.

"So..." I made eye contact with the Doncaster boy. "is there any chance I could grab your number? Ya know, in case you ever feel like making that dream a reality?" The cheeky glint in his eye makes me nervous.

"What? You want to come on my imaginary show?" Surely he was just being polite. No way would he actually want to waste his time on an interview that would maybe get 6 views.

"I text the lads about it earlier and we're all on board. It sounds like a brilliant idea. I fully believe in you, love." Okay wow, this feels like a dream. THE X Factor boy band One Direction want to be interviewed by me?

"If you're trying to make me swoon, you've achieved your goal," I giggle, pulling my phone out of my purse and handing it to him. When he returns my phone I see that he had text himself 'sup u sexy fuck'. I burst out laughing before giving him a long hug, whispering a goodbye in his ear.

December 2015

"I met One Direction in 2011 at the single launch for 'What Makes You Beautiful'. My dad was the guitarist for all of the recording and writing of Up All Night. All the boys instantly accepted me into their lives. Especially my now best friend Louis Tomlinson. After talking to Lou about wanting to start this channel, he immediately encouraged me and we set up the first ever 'In Bed With... One Direction'. That video gained 400,000 views within six months and affectively created my career. My whole life as I know it is owed to Lou. If it wasn't for his complete and utter faith in me, I don't think I would be here today." I start to cry, reminiscing on beautiful memories. I take a sip of my tea and think for a moment. I really wish L was here right now, but I know we would both be blubbering messes. I need to do this alone. For once, I need to do something without relying on him.

"Since my first interview with One Direction my channel has blown up. It has afforded me this house, my friends, the opportunity to meet some of my biggest idols and most importantly it has moulded me into the strong and powerful woman I am today. So I want to take this opportunity to thank you boys. Louis, Harry, Zayn, Niall and Liam. I love each of you more than I can put into words."

My phone buzzes beside me and I pick it up. 'Big Louser' sent me a text.

baby g, you okay? youve

not text me in a week :(

I sighed as I put the phone back down. I should have known he'd pick up on me semi-ghosting him. I have been so nervous around him ever since he and Eleanor split up about 9 months ago. It's like, I finally have my chance to tell him how I feel but I am so scared of losing the best part of my life. That's why, when he called me about a month ago to say the band had finally come to the conclusion of going on an extended break, I knew I had to make this video. So that the world can know and remember how important Louis and the rest of the lads are. And so that Lou can finally know how I feel. I pick my phone back up, knowing I should reply.

I'm sorry L. I promise

I'll make it up to you.

I'm filming a new video

right now that will be up

later tonight. I'll send

you the link when it's up!

Love you x

I turn my phone onto do not disturb and return my focus to the camera. "I want to talk a little bit about each of the boys from a friends perspective. Firstly, I would like to talk about Zayn. Z, you are one of the gentlest, kindest people I have ever met. You have dealt with so much during and after your time with the band. The constant racist and Islamophobic tweets and comments really wore you down a lot more than you'd let on. But Z, you would always rise above them, knowing that your culture made you into the incredible person you are today." I pause, hesitant about what I am going to say next. I would hate to overstep any boundaries here.

Choosing my words carefully, I continue. "Leaving the band must have been the toughest decision anyone could make. I remember you texting me about two months after you left to ask if I thought you'd made the right choice leaving behind your friends, your brothers. Your concern wasn't about if this would affect your future career, it was if it affected your friends. That's the epitome of the Zayn I love." I knew I would edit in a few videos I have of Z and I over the years throughout this mini speech.

I have a video of Zayn and I napping together on the couch in the green room before their show in Sydney in February of this year. He'd been really anxious about the first show of the tour and the nerves wore him out. We were originally sat together, talking about how huge this tour was going to be when he drifted off to sleep with me in his arms. I soon followed after and we napped for two hours before he was woken up to get his hair done. Who would have known that just a few weeks later he would crumble under the pressure and quit. I wish I noticed the warning signs.

"Liam 'good game' Payne, where do I begin? You are my brother, my teammate, my friend. You have always been my favourite person to play Fifa with. I remember a week after my Dad died, I heard the doorbell ring and when I opened it, you were standing there with a dozen of my favourite red velvet cupcakes and your PS4 controller. We played together in silence for hours. Once I was finally ready to talk, you stayed awake with me until 6am, sharing stories about my Dad, our lives and talking about our futures. I will always cherish you, no matter how frustrating you can be." Again, I know exactly what videos to edit in of Liam and I. One of them is him, wearing a crop top and skirt voguing after I did a full glam makeup look on him. He's going to hate me for posting it.

"Haz. My love. My guiding star. I would be a complete disaster without you. Although you are the worlds worst replier and you never answer when I call, you always seem to text me or show up at my house right when I feel like I'm falling apart. It's like the universe has linked you to me. You're my crisis line, and I am yours. I cannot even begin to count all the nights we have lied on the couch together just crying. Happy crying, sad crying, angry crying... It would almost have to be as many nights that we have spent laughing together. H, you were destined to be a rockstar. I can't think of any other job you could be more suited to. I know this is just the beginning for you, and I honestly can't wait to see you grow." I still cannot believe that my baby H is only 21 yet has achieved more than most people do in their entire lifetime. "I love you almost as much as I love apple pie." I am full on crying now. That last sentence really broke me. He and I have an inside joke that nothing in this world is better than a homemade apple pie. We would often text each other about incredible/rare/unique moments and rate them on an apple pie scale.

"Horan. I don't really have much I can say here because 90% of our conversations are inside jokes but I will say this; you have changed my life in such a unique way. I know we've had our differences, but I wouldn't change any of it. You're the one person who can make me laugh no matter what mood I'm in. You are such a light to this world. Without you in this band, I think the boys would've collapsed under the pressure a long time ago. Without you, this industry would've swallowed up every bit of joy they have. You have kept all of us sane with your stupid, loud laughter and irritatingly optimistic attitude. Please never, ever change for anyone you precious wanker." I know that I might seem a bit harsh towards Niall, but this is how we speak to each other. We've always been way too honest and, at times, cynical with only each other. He truly is one of a kind. Niall and I haven't shared as many moments together as I have with the other boys, but the moments we've had are definitely special.

"And last but certainly not least, Louis 'dumb fuck' Tomlinson. I don't even know if I can put into words how you have changed my life. You are my favourite person in this entire universe. Without you, there's a good chance I wouldn't be alive today. You are the reason I have so much self-worth, confidence and happiness within myself. You have single-handedly gotten me through some of my deepest depressions. I can't imagine my life without you. I've been trying to think about what story best represents how you're truly an incredible friend. I decided that although everything you do is a testament to how amazing you are, I would tell the one that made me cry the most.

"The year was 2013, I was 20 years old and I experienced my first heartbreak. My girlfriend of 2 years cheated on me with multiple people. I called you up, crying so hard I couldn't form a sentence. You sat patiently on the phone with me for an hour, never knowing what was wrong, just waiting for me to calm down. When I finally just hung up because I couldn't string two words together you text me that you love me. Six hours later and you walked into my bedroom, pulled me into your arms and laid with me for two days. You flew home early from your press tour without any idea of what was wrong with me. You just knew I was upset and you pushed everything aside to be there for me. When I finally told you what had happened, you hugged me tighter, looked me in the eyes and said, "you are the most perfect person in the world and you deserve to be with someone who recognises that." I think it was then that I realised that I'm completely and utterly in love with you. But you were with Eleanor, whom I adore still to this day. I would never have wanted to ruin what you two had. Because all I've ever wanted since I met you is for you to be happy. And El always made you happy." A sob escapes my mouth as I think of how broken hearted I have felt over the last few years, knowing that my true love would never be mine.

I decide to talk some time to cool down, so I walk to my kitchen to make another cup of tea. While I wait for the jug to boil, I rub my finger over my tiny teacup tattoo. Lou and I got matching tattoos not long after the boys finished recording 'Little Things'. He showed me the song and I fell in love with his verse, so we went out that afternoon and got our tattoos together, his shout. I walk back into the bedroom, press record on the camera again and get comfortable.

"When you called me up crying because you and Eleanor split up, I came straight over and returned the favour. I lived at your house for a week, doing anything I could to make you happy again. And then you went back on tour, and I returned home, and I've never felt so alone. After that week of us spending every second of every day together I realised that you're my soulmate. There's no one I want to be around more than you. And I know you're going to be so mad that I'm posting this video instead of texting you back but I want the whole world to know that you are perfect."

I finished the video with a few happier stories about my time with the boys, then wrapped it up. This was going to be an emotional afternoon.

~

Pressing public on that video was strange. I almost felt numb after all the emotions I had poured out while filming and editing it. I immediately text the link to all 5 boys and went to have a shower. The video was about 20 minutes long so I expected their responses would be a little while away. What I didn't expect was to walk out of the shower and into my bedroom to see Louis sitting on the end of my bed, tears streaming down his face.

We made eye contact once he realized I had entered the room. Frozen in my spot, Louis took the initiative of standing up and walking towards me. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" His voice broke as he spoke, tears threatening to spill. I tried to form words but I was too scared of the impending rejection. "Geo. We're best friends. Why didn't you talk to me? I thought that... I..." His words trailed off as the tears streamed down his face. He looked down at his feet, he always gets embarrassed when he cries. I gently grab his right hand, causing him to make eye contact again.

"I am so, so, so sorry Lou. I didn't know what to say or how to say it. I guess I thought saying it indirectly would make this easier but it's so much harder than I ever could have imagined." I look away from his bloodshot, blue eyes and focus on my hand in his. "I'm in love with you. I think I always have been... And I'm sorry that this will make our friendship weird now. I don't expect you to ever want to talk to me again to be honest."

"How fucking dare you think that. If you think I could live without you, you're insane." Louis swiftly pulled me towards him with his free hand, kissing me with all the love he could possibly give.

[thran-duils]

Jealous Sea

Title: Jealous Sea Summary: I took the prompt “Jealous dark!Tony smut with a reader who’s already in an established relationship.  Get that Suit involved as a side too.” from @sherrybaby14‘s latest prompt challenge. The fic is told from Tony’s POV with a very small POV from the reader. I took inspo from The Avengers and Iron Man 2.

I listened to this song a lot while writing this, which the fic is named after. Words: 2,962 Warnings (for the fic in entirety): Dub-con, character death, smut, stalking, unprotected sex 

Masterpost

Connor’s arm snaked around her waist with ease and she comfortably leaned into him, not breaking stride in her conversation.

The muscles in Tony’s jaw tightened, the shine dulling ever so slightly at this intrusion.

To him, it was an intrusion; to Y/N, it was merely her fiancé coming to her side to engage with her and his colleague. Well, boss. Tony was his boss.

Connor was naïve. Tolerable for Tony at best. The man had his smarts – you had to in order to be able to work at Stark Industries – but his scope was too small for Tony’s liking. He could grasp the here and now but lacked the foresight to see the bigger picture. Tony had been considering if it would be possible to find a replacement for Connor up until the Christmas party a few months ago.

Connor had brought his fiancé finally, the one he had been gushing about at every opportunity – another quirk that had gotten under Tony’s skin quite quickly – but had been unable to bring in because she was running research abroad.

Admittedly, Tony had not even bothered to check up on the fiancé on social media – or Connor’s social media, for that matter – his concern minimal to none about Connor’s personal life. Perhaps if he had, he could have saved himself the slight embarrassment of flirting with her when he spotted her at a table alone at the party. His jaw had almost gone slack when she introduced herself as Connor’s fiancé and politely side stepped his flirtations.

Since then, Tony made sure to attend every after work get together and somehow always be around when she stopped by the office. Every smile she sent his way lit his core. He desired to possess her for his own. Such an exquisite being was wasted on Connor.

He had been elated to find her alone once more at this launch party, swooping in quickly, the woman who had tried to glue herself to his side discarded carelessly.

Tony asked genuine questions about her work, basking in the joy she emanated discussing it. His eyes lingered at her lips, imagining how soft they would feel against his.

Of course, Connor had to ruin the moment with his goober smile and inane jokes. It was some solace that Y/N seemed interested in continuing the conversation though with him and did not seem to want to leave. It gave Tony hope.

<> <> <>

As the months drug on, the wedding loomed closer. Tony grew ever irritable that Y/N continued to be attracted to Connor, despite his subtle advancements to her. He was right in front of her for god’s sake. Smarter. Richer. More attractive. He tried to fathom what would get her to notice him. His insatiable desire to taste her, his lips running up her thighs into that sweet spot always ate away at him.

Water dripped down her skin as she emerged from the water, coming back up onto the yacht. Connor had been grateful Tony had invited them to boat with him. Of course, Connor did not know that without Y/N he would not have even come within sniffing distance of Tony’s yacht. It was worth having to put up with him if Tony got to be on the receiving end of just one more bright smile from Y/N.

Yet, each smile thrown his way still ended up with her sitting with or on Connor, not him.

He needed Connor out of the way. That was the only path that made sense.

<> <> <>

It had been too easy. Y/N had been abroad again when Loki’s army attached New York City, so she was not in danger.

All it had taken was Tony leading the giant son of a bitch alien to their street and cutting a quick corner. The alien had taken out Connor’s penthouse in its attempt to follow him.

Afterward, Tony had flown back by to make sure the job had indeed been done.

Too easy.

<> <> <>

Y/N agreed to take a job in California when Tony offered to help. She wanted to start fresh; being in New York was too painful. Tony was elated when she took it a step further and accepted his offer to live in his mansion until she found a place of her own. He was determined that his place would be more than enough.

But weeks turned to a month and she was still insisting she would be out of his hair soon despite his protests. She was beginning to spend less time at his place, burying herself in her work. Tony consistently extended dinner invitations to exclusive restaurants, which she did accept but was not responding to him and his hints about joining him afterwards. Too many times she left him downstairs rejected.

It was wearing on him.

He needed to relax, unwind, and possibly just bury himself under a couple women. Or three.

<> <> <>

Reader POV

You groaned when you pulled into the driveway, seeing it packed with cars. The day had been long and all you really wanted to do was take a hot bath and then slip into some comfortable pajamas.

Thankfully, you had a remote to the garage and did not have to worry about parking.

Once inside, you contemplated the easiest route from the elevator that ended in the front hall to your bedroom upstairs. The music was already reaching your ears as you stepped into the elevator.

<> <> <>

Jarvis alerted Tony through his Iron Man suit the moment Y/N had pulled into the garage. Smiling at the news, he knocked back the rest of his drink, ready to fetch himself a fresh one as well as get her one.

He passed by people, the suit clunking as he walked. Halfway to the kitchen, he leaned in when an attractive brunette woman beckoned him, and she pulled him in for a kiss.

“As lovely as you are,” Tony said against her lips before pulling away. “I am on a time sensitive mission.”

The woman kept her hands on the chest of the suit as she pouted, “Is it anything I can help you with?”

“Um, yeah, actually,” Tony told her distracted and her face lit up as Jarvis was updating him that Y/N was getting into the elevator. He wanted to intercept her before she managed to get upstairs. “Could you be a peach and make two gin and tonics? Doubles?”

“Going hard tonight?” she joked.

“I’ll be right back. Promise. Have them ready.”

Tony moved through the crowd, briefly greeting people who called for his attention, focused on moving quick.

He made it in the nick of time. The doors dinged open right when he arrived.

Even through his buzzed state he could tell Y/N was like a deer in headlights. Yes, she had meant to sneak up stairs without even so much as a ‘hi’. Good thing he got there when he had.

“Y/N, even after a long day of work, you still manage to look ravishing. Won’t you join me for a drink or two?”

“Oh,” Y/N stammered. She forced a smile and said over the music, “It’s a little crowded in here. I think being upstairs where it’s quiet –”

“Nonsense,” Tony cut her off. He decided he was going to more assertive than usual. This night was going to be different. He waved her forward to him. “Come, come. Join the fun.”

“Tony –”

“I insist,” he again interjected, coming to her instead and slipping his arm around her shoulders. He saw her concerned look at his hand, and he chortled, “Don’t worry. It won’t just go off. I have to active it and actually have something I want to shoot. Come! Join the party! I daresay you need to kick back and relax. I have drinks waiting for us back in the kitchen. You like gin and tonic, correct?”

Y/N nodded, keeping up with his stride.

The woman was waiting by the counter, searching the crowd for his return. When her eyes landed on Y/N – who was looking flustered – her face fell immediately. Tony did not care about the shocked look on her face.

Gesturing at the glasses, he asked, “These mine?”

“Yes, but –”

“Thank you so much,” He said. Picking them up, despite the hurt look on the woman’s face, he handed the other to Y/N. “My lovely roommate – who is a brilliant scientist by the way – just got home. She looks a bit peckish too.” He leaned in concerned to Y/N. “We should get you something to eat. Otherwise this will go right to your head and you won’t last. And we are definitely staying up late.”

Y/N and the woman barely got a syllable out each before Tony pressed on, “There’s some pizza on the patio. Lots of it. Here.” He reached out, pushing the cup up to Y/N’s lips. “There we go. Big swig.” He took once and she sheepishly followed suit. “Lovely!” To the woman, he said, “That’s a damn good drink. Are you a bartender? Thanks again.”

Tony pulled Y/N through the crowd, encouraging her with another drink.

“What was that about your concern about it going to my head?” Y/N half joked when they stepped out onto the patio where people were lounging and swimming in the pool.

Tony threw her a smirk. “Always with the quips.” They approached the boxes and he made sure she grabbed a slice. He did not want her passing out too soon; that was the truth.

He managed to coerce her to have a refill and mingle with people. Y/N relaxed halfway through the second double. Tony continued throwing compliments her way about how she was helping her research team tremendously and how he wished she would agree to come work for him. Despite her relaxation, he could tell she was still one foot in and one foot out. She blushed when he praised her, her eyes moving to the door back inside every so often. He was growing agitated – why could she not just accept his affection? She always toed the line, lightly commenting in flirtation or brushing his hand with her fingers. Yet, when push came to shove, she jumped back.

His annoyance boiled to a point when she leaned in to tell him she should probably go upstairs.

“There’s nothing for you up there,” Tony remarked, laughing humorlessly.

“My tub is and so is my bed. Really, Tony. I’m tired. It’s been a good time but I’m ready to really relax.”

“Could have fooled me that you were having a good time,” Tony said curtly.

Y/N looked at him confused at his swift change in demeanor. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know,” Tony replied, shrugging briskly. “Maybe I would think it was a ruse because you’ve been wanting to get away from me the moment you walked inside. That’s been evident.”

“What? What are you –”

“No. Don’t deny it.”

Y/N was starting to look uncomfortable, eyes on the people around because some were taking notice of his vexed tone.

“Seriously, Tony. It’s not you. I really did have a long day.”

Sighing exasperated, Tony told her, “That seems to be the excuse every time. So, forgive me if I’m just a little bit, you know, bristled.”

“I… I don’t know what you want me to say. I just want to go upstairs where it���s quiet.”

“Quiet?” Tony asked, anger rolling the more she denied her rejection of him. All the rejections. He flipped the mask down to cover his face completely, starting up the suit. “We can go somewhere quiet if that is what you wish.”

Y/N looked frightened as he advanced, and he ignored all the other eyes on them.

She protested when he picked her up and into his arms and he shot up into the sky. Her panicked shriek was lost to the wind as he jettisoned away from his property, holding her tightly to make sure she did not fall from his embrace.

If she wanted somewhere quiet, that is what she was going to get.

Tony landed at the edge of the beach below his mansion, only letting go of Y/N when they were safely landed. She stumbled back away from him, hair windswept and face flushed.

He activated the suit to open and he stepped out of it as it unwrapped from around him. His gaze was burning into Y/N, determined to make headway and get what he wanted.

Throwing his hands out, he asked, “This quiet enough? I mean, besides the waves?”

Y/N seemed to find her grounding again. Her brow pinched in anger as she stepped towards him. “What the hell is your problem, Tony? How much have you had to drink?”

Tony chuckled darkly, closing the remainder of the space between them. She glared up at him, demanding, “Well?”

He was tired of her defiant behavior. Suddenly, he reached up and wound his fingers tightly in her hair, yanking her head back. She let out a sharp cry as he pulled her to him.

“What do I have to do to get your attention, Y/N?” he growled. “Haven’t I done enough? Wasn’t I there for you? Have I not been good to you?”

“What?” Y/N exclaimed. “God, yes. I –”

Tony cut her off, slamming his lips to hers, holding her close. She struggled against him, protesting against his mouth, but he resisted. He moaned, dominating her with his embrace. His hands gripped tightly, relishing in having her close.

Muffled, he heard, “Tony, please.”

“I love hearing you say that,” he told her, his voice rumbling low in his chest. He pulled her away far enough to look down at her, his eyes blown wide with lust.

Again, she fought to get out of his arms, but he pushed her up against the rock behind her.

“I have wanted this for so long. I’ve wanted you for so long,” Tony declared, his hands grasped tight on her arms, holding her in place in front of him. “I know you have wanted it too. I’ve felt it. And you just feel guilty. You don’t have to feel guilty, Y/N. I promise. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to be appreciated. I want to give you everything. I’ve been trying to.”

“Please,” she tried again, weaker this time in her resolve.

Good, he was waning her resistance down. If she could only admit she wanted him too.

“Let me love you,” Tony breathed, forcibly pulling her shirt over her head. His hands moved quickly to her bra clasp and she reached up to try to stop him shakily. He brushed her hands aside easily. “Now, let’s give in. Y/N. You know you want to. I know you want to.”

He did not wait for her to respond before undoing her bra and tossing it aside. His fingers fluttered across her nipples and she gasped lightly, aroused. Licking his index and thumb, he brought them down to caress her erect nipple gently, his weight pinning her to the rock with his muscular thighs. She whimpered; her knuckles white with how tight she was gripping the rock behind her.

“See?” Tony practically purred, giving her nipple a brief pinch. She keened this time and he groaned at her arching her back, his cock hardening quickly in his pants.

With doe eyes, she looked up at him, not protesting him anymore.

This is what he had had to do this whole time. Be forceful, she needed a strong hand. Her bottoms went next.

“Out here?” she squeaked.

“Under the stars,” Tony assured her. “I want to see you bathed in moonlight.”

One last press surfaced from her. “I don’t know –”

He cur her off with a finger to her lips, “Just don’t think.”

Tony tugged her away from the rock and moved her down to the ground. He tore his own shirt over his head, losing his pants as well. Laying her back down on the grass, he pressed his weight on her, her hands cupping the sides of his head. She was soft, her skin smelled of the lilac soap she was so fond of. Her fingers dug in behind his ears as his tongue slipped past her lips, tasting her more deeply.

He pressed himself past her wet folds, groaning at the tightness as she gasped at the intrusion, slowly adjusting to him. His lips trailed sloppy kisses along her jawline as he increased his depth.

“Mhm, you’re a goddamn goddess,” Tony husked, bottoming out with a deep thrust causing her to cry out, nails digging into his shoulders.

Building up speed, their bodies moved in tandem.

“You’re mine,” Tony growled, his hips snapping. Finally, rang in his head.

Foreheads pressed together, their breath erratic, Tony felt exhilaration. It was not simply because of the sex but because he was possessing her as he always should have. There was no coming back from this. He had reached the turning point he wanted to and he was not going to let her go. Ever.

And his next move was to make sure she stayed.

He came inside her with a loud grunt, his body trembling with his orgasm as he emptied. She keened, her knees digging into his sides as she climaxed around him, adding to his sensation. He moaned in approval, smothering her with a new round of deep kisses.

She laid panting underneath him, her eyes glossed over with arousal and exhaustion. His lips curled ever so slightly, loving the sight.

“You’re going to make a wonderful mother,” he praised quietly, pecking her with light kisses that ended at her lips. “I’m going to take such good care of you.”

~~~

Tags: @sherrybaby14

[iheartrobots404]

My Robot Boyfriend: Questions of Autonomy and Manufactured Romance in a One Direction Robot Fanfic

If recent history is any indication, the general human public has become increasingly horny for basically anything sentient. From candy corporations tweeting lustfully about anthropomorphic foxes to erotic novels about flying reptiles, the boundaries of acceptable romantic sentiment are expanding at a rapid pace. A conservative may easily interpret this as the nadir of our decadent society, heralding the swift demise of our civilization. But the real story is much more complicated.

Monster novels and cinema have always been metaphors for the latent anxieties of a society. Initially manifesting in racist fears of desegregation and miscegenation in D.W. Griffith’s Birth of a Nation, the theme of white supremacist heroism triumphing over the control of the female body by a monstrous “other” is apparent in such later movies as The Neanderthal Man and Creature from the Black Lagoon.

Guillermo del Toro’s 2017 Best Picture winner The Shape of Water is deeply concerned with the dehumanization and unseen racism in monster movies, choosing to portray the monster and white woman in a genuine romance, while the handsome man that perceives them is the villain.

According to del Toro, The Shape of Water was an attempt to demonstrate that “the racism, classism, sexual mores, everything that was alive in ‘62, is all alive now. It never went away.” Del Toro characterizes the monster as a perceived negative aspect of society or personality that is initially distressing but can become liberating when embraced, explaining, “There are truths about oneself that are really bad and hard to admit. But when you finally have the courage and say them, you liberate yourself. All monsters are a personification of that.”

But what about...

Monsters have embodied a substantial collection of anxieties over the years: the rupture of the religious world by the scientific in Frankenstein, communism and McCarthyism in Invasion of the Body Snatchers, the erasure of the past by modernity in King Kong. Robots, in comparison, typically represent a generalized technophobia, a fear of technology replacing the human, best represented by I, Robot (2004). They can also invoke questions of the nature of autonomy in an industrialized, capitalist society (Charlie Chaplin’s Modern Times), fears of the transgression of the mind/body duality (2018’s Replicas), and imminent warnings of scientific and military hubris (Black Mirror’s Metalhead). So if romance with monsters can be a liberating embrace of the taboo, what function does romance with robots serve?

To answer this question, we could turn to the wide range of novels and films providing nuanced treatments of the complex ideas involved in human-robot relationships. Her (2013), Ex Machina (2014), Autonomous (2017), and He, She, and It (1991) are all beautiful, subtle considerations of robophilia, celebrated in science fiction and general circles. Unfortunately, my library card was revoked after failing to pay my 10-month overdue fee on Taken by the Pterodactyl, so that’s a dead end. I also don’t really want to pay to watch any movies, and the last time I went on 123movies.com I got a virus that pulverized my feeble laptop. Fortunately, the greatest, most boundary-pushing work on human-robot relationships is completely free of charge and within reach to anyone with an Internet connection. No expense is necessary to access this avant-garde treasure trove of communal literature, where robophilic desire meets ingenious analysis of our technology-ridden society.

I am speaking, of course, of the user pokemonouis’s love bot [h.s.] on the popular fanfiction site Wattpad. Before you click away in terror, consider that fanfiction can be a vital representation of culture, especially that of young people negotiating their place in a complex world. As the author Constance Penley says of Star Trek slash fic, fanfiction can be “an experiment in imagining new forms of sexual and racial equality, democracy, and a fully human relation to the world of science and technology.” With this framework in mind, let us dive into a sultry world of robot love.

In the vein of a typical Black Mirror episode, love bot [h.s.] is set in the present, near-identical to today except for one incongruous twist. Our protagonist, Ava, has been sent a mysteriously large package by her cheeky friend Niall Horan, containing an eager-to-please model from Love Bot, Inc., Harry. Though Ava is initially incensed at her friend Niall and is uneasy about Harry’s bizarre synthetic mind and body, she quickly warms up to his loving personality and sexual proficiency. Along the way, Ava must deal with her complicated newfound responsibility and the complexity of her own emotions.

Tragically, like Mozart’s Requiem in D Minor or Coleridge’s “Kubla Khan,” love bot [h.s.] remains unfinished. It was abandoned in 2016, and like One Direction, it doesn’t appear to be releasing any new material any time soon. Nonetheless, love bot [h.s.] is astounding in its complete lack of pretension or self-consciousness, existing as a complete, undiluted fantasy about getting a sex robot based on your favorite band member. However, the cherry on top is the dialogue created between the author and her readers, manifesting as a ludic communal debate about the philosophy involved or implied in the context of the world she has created. What I’m trying to say is that One Direction robot fanfiction is basically the 21st century version of the Athenian plaza or the Parisian salon, where the author’s story, as well as the community comments surrounding it, remain a portal of vital insight into such disparate themes as the commodification of sex and romance, the question of robot’s social standing given their initial utilitarian purpose, and the morality of human/robot pairings.

To enumerate, the foremost concern of love bot [h.s.] is the commodification of romantic love and its implications for how we relate to other human beings. From the moment Ava receives Harry, she is unwilling to engage with what she perceives as a mere corporate commodity, surrounded by packing peanuts, a charging port on its lower back. When Harry boots up, Ava is immediately accosted by the manufactured nature of his existence:

The comments echo Ava’s sentiment. One user states, “I’d be creeped out. Imagine if there was a camera or something.” Another jokes, “in the middle of doing what he does best, Harry whispers in my ear, “please like love bot incorporated’s page on Facebook!” This combination of the romantic with the heavily marketed is not new to the 1D fandom, as the band’s image, promotional events, song lyrics, and music videos all serve to encourage an attachment between fan and musician. However, to assume that the average fan mindlessly consumes the marketed content is to ignore the self-awareness within the 1D fandom. For instance, 1D fan culture often repudiates the perceived manufactured nature of their idols; many fan works bemoan the band members’ “management,” or the behind-the-scenes music industry professionals who prevent the boys from living life to its full potential. Thus, the Harry Styles sex robot becomes a potent metaphor for the fans’ relation to their favorite musicians, a playful way of acknowledging that you’re being pandered to yet still enjoying the show. In keeping with the framework of monsters provided by Guillermo del Toro, to engage romantically with the robot is to embrace the messiness and weirdness of emerging sexuality despite society’s opinion of 1D fans as crazed, lustful, and corporate-brainwashed young women.

Love bot [h.s.] also presents an interesting exploration of robot aesthetics and how they are constructed to appeal to humans. Ava is initially rather put off by the combination of the synthetic and the natural found within Harry’s body:

Despite this, she eventually comes around to Harry’s physical appeal, particularly due to his “cuteness:” Ava’s affection grows after he adorably takes the expression “you’re a dime” literally, uses the phrase “take a sleep” instead of “take a nap,” and is caught using her computer to look up “how to impress a girl.” According to scholar Sabine Payr, robots in popular media tend to either be nearly indistinguishable from humans, in which case they occupy the space of the “uncanny valley,” are threatening, and must be destroyed (as in Blade Runner or Ex Machina), or are presented as non-threatening “sidekicks,” whose cuteness and helpfulness to humanity mark them as peaceful (Wall-E, Star Wars’ C-3P0 or R2D2). Harry is gradually brought out of the former category and into the latter through his cuteness as well as his utility to Ava, such as through cooking her a delicious breakfast. As one commenter succinctly puts it, “It kinda creeps me out that he’s a robot but he’s freaking adorable so whatever.” However, this transformation of Harry has the possible negative consequence of him not being seen as fully equal to humans, as his “adorableness” is contingent upon him occupying a lower social position than Ava. Nevertheless, though most readers seem somewhat put off by Harry’s robotness, many seem just as ready to engage with the “uncanny valley” robot as the “adorable” one. For example, in response to Ava calling Harry "too real, too creepy," one user responds, “Well Send him over to me and call me Goldie locks cause he’s just right.” This sentiment is repeated throughout the first chapter: for every “This is going to turn into some Chucky shit for sure” there appears a “Call me Shia Labeouf cause I’m about to get it on with a transformer.” The readers willing to engage with the “uncanny valley” Harry avoid the problem of inequality inherent to the subjugation of the robot to a “sidekick” role. Thus, in this case, engaging romantically or sexually with the robot may be a potential expansion of the social category that robots may inhabit, a radical rebuke of the idea that robots must be subordinate to humans to be lovable.

Similarly interesting is love bot [h.s.]’s theme of autonomy: can one form a healthy relationship with a sentient being that is bought and customized to love you? Throughout the narrative, Harry refers to Ava as his “owner” or “master,” and Ava frequently treats him like a friend’s dog that she has been left to take care of. Harry gets separation anxiety when she leaves to attend school or work, is constantly compared to a puppy, and is described as a “burden:”

However, the readers were quick to push back on this characterization of Harry. Angry commenters lashed out at Ava, stating, “HES NOT A FOOKING BURDEN” and “HARRY DOESNT DESERVE YO RATTY ASS.” Readers of love bot [h.s.] reject the notion of a love bot as a less than human, asserting their right to be recognized not as a product or sex slave but as a full and realized autonomous being. However, as commenters repeatedly point out in another section of the fic, such a relationship is suspect. Ava is eager to downplay the uniqueness of her relationship with Harry, mostly ignoring his robotness in favor of labeling him as just another human:

Commenters are quick to point out the contradictions within this statement, replying, “except for him bc he is a literal robot who was made to be owned” and “says the girl who literally owns a robot im fed up bye.” Ava may treat her robot boyfriend as an equal, but, as the readers indicate, the nature of their relationship is inherently unequal. After all, the fic mentions that the love bots are, in legal terms, basically slaves:

Harry is completely dependent on Ava, and, tragically, only able to shop at Sears. With the realities of this society, the commenters argue, Ava’s “you are your own person and you belong to yourself” statement is functionally meaningless. Commenters also occasionally bring up other questionable power dynamics within the context of Ava and Harry’s relationship; one states, “Imagine if they got in a fight, she could just power him off;” another asks, “What if she died?” after a sentence highlighting Harry’s extreme dependence on Ava; another mentions, “that sentence is making me remember that he's a robot & can be programed at any time :((.” Harry’s boundaries of mind and body are much easier to manipulate than Ava’s, and this presents a quandary; can a robot partner ever be in full control of their internal psyche if his mind is specifically manufactured to carry out a single purpose, and that mind can be tampered with at will? The rich dialogue created between the author and readers gradually teases out several ethical considerations involved in human-robot relationships, questioning whether any relationship between a human and a robot constructed out of pure function can ever be helpful. In this context, the readers redefine the act of loving the robot as not a simple act of passion, but a commitment to upholding the autonomy of one’s partner.

The playful exchange between the author of love bot [h.s.] and her readers illuminates the moral gray area of human/robot relationships, offering key insights into the nature of commodified romance, social categorization of robots, and unequal partnerships. If/when artificial intelligence advances and potentially becomes sentient, the willingness to have debates about these topics will be essential to the creation of a just society for humans and robots alike. As Guillermo del Toro reminds us, the hierarchies and unquestioned assumptions of today will persist into the future, and a potent way to resist them is through the act of loving the taboo. It would be unwise to dismiss it.