#but I guess this is also the last year I can get student discounts on laptops so not the worst timing I guess

[humandisastersquad]

Ah it’s nice to have a phone case that isn’t literally crumbling to pieces

[thatgirlwhokeepsreading]

Me, every time I buy my season ticket for the state theatre company: urgh like $250 eight play package comes out to $32 per show, and that’s for the Under 30 concession, like no wonder it’s just industry peeps and old people who see theatre these days

Me, deciding I’m finally going to see some ballet and opera this year: okay, so the season package is… Jesus Christ Why Is This Twice The Money For Half The Shows. Why does the opera not have Under 30 or even youth tickets. You’re breaking the cost down by show, you’re showing it to me, why is this one where the music is prerecorded twice the price of this one where music live half the time and the same price as one where it’s only recorded music for matinee. Are instrumentalists not your biggest cost?? Is personnel not your biggest cost?????

[pearlsofthec]

’Tis the season to be jolly! But it doesn’t really stop there for many of us. If you study in the southern hemisphere, you knpw that December doesn’t mean solely fairy lights, hot cocoa and ice skating dates, it also means spending hours in your local cafe trying to make an Americano last six hours (honestly, why study in a silent library surrounded by stressed out students when you could be sitting in a warm coffee shop, stimulated by the barista’s never-ending jazz playlist and the flux of people coming and going?) and dodging questions such as “How are your preparations for the session going?”, or my favourite “Have you started reading the syllabus yet?”.

Honestly, depending on how you take things in life, December can be as fun as it can be depressing. I’m a Libra, and throughout my whole life I’ve learned that a bit of compromise goes a long way, and this is the month where I can really put my theories to the test. that’s why my first essential of the month is…

1. Advent Calendar

It might sound silly, but having a Christmas Advent not only is an excuse to treat yourself every day, as it also is a form of keeping track of your control over yourself. Sure, watching influencers open a christmas advent a day can be fun, the sadistic pleasure in finding out that the person who payed over €500 for a Chanel calendar is only getting a bunch of stickers and products which are barely worth being displayed in a duty free store is hard to beat, but stick with me on this one!

It’s easy to purposely forget to study, drink one too many festive cocktails, and let all the holiday discounts be a reason for you to splurge on things you wouldn’t otherwise have bought just as it’s easy to eat all the 24 chocolate truffles in one go… But not doing it is just as easy, and, I guess, a good reminder that balance is the best treat on the long run.

I genuinely HATE mini products, so I won’t be reccomending any beauty advents, sorry. I know it may feel too late to get your own, but it’s NEVER too late.

1. Venchi Prestige Calendar

2. Marchesi Calendario Dell’Avvento

3. Cailler 200g Calendar

4. Bonne Maman Jam Advent Calendar

5. Vosges haut chocolaterie Calendar

6. Torroneria Cioccolateria D. Barbero

7. Antico Caffè Novecento

8. Any of the Lindt ones… classics for a reason

2. Movie Marathon

Maybe it’s the cold, maybe it’s the desire to procrastinate, BUT my will to watch movies skyrockets during this time of the year. There is a ridiculous amount of awful films sets in this time of the year, but if you look you can find some amazing classics that are just UNSKIPPABLE. From the jolly to the perverse, here’s my official Twelve Films of Christmas

1. Eloise at Christmastime

2. The apartment

3. Holiday

4. Eyes wide Shut

5. The shop around the corner

6. White Christmas

7. Black Christmas

8. Meet me in St. Louis

9. Fanny & alexander

10. The Thin Man

11. Metropolitan

12. Spencer

3. Go all out

Whether you want to go out or simply go all out even when you’re staying in is up to you, BUT a crucial thing to my is ending the year with a BANG. Now, I’m not exactly a clubber, but I’m a big enjoyer of fun wherever and whenever, and I can’t go more than a day without having fun with my friends this time of the year. This means random aperitivo nights after leaving six hour lectures, day trips to random cities, and lotsa dinner parties. I know I’ve probably exausted everyojne with lists, but I’m gonna write yet another one, hopefully short this time, of a few activities sprinkle through your weeks, hopefully to inspire some strenght and to end the year on a sweet note.

1. Moodboard night: With the New Year right around the corner, it’s crucial to set your goals straight… and what better way than doing it with friends? Look, I personally don’t think someone should set their vision board on stone, you don’t need to stick to the things you decided to do on a random night for the rest of the year, I personally end up taking a month to write down things to help me understand my own goals and objectives, both personal and professional/ academic… But it’s so nice to talk about all of your prospectives with your friends and loved ones, wonder about the potential that the new year can bring does no harm. If you really feel like this type of thing is too personal, then I’d say you could organize an “Unrealistic Wishlist” board day, when owning a Himalaya Hermes Kelly is a totally achiavable thing! Granted, I’m a tad materialistic, but I just adore learning more about my friends through their materialistic goals, with the right outlook it can be really revealing. Plus, I’m a huge fan of arts and crafts, and I’ll take any excuse I have to do it.

2. Charcuterie dinner: One of my biggest no-nos is showing up empty handed to any dinner, maybe it’s a Brazilian thing, but I’ve never done it and don’t plan on ever doing it. With a charcuterie dinner, I have an excuse to do it! I love charcuterie dinners more than anything in the world, cheese, wine, fruits and salami… no better combination. Not to mention that it’s practically like a live personality quiz for you and your friends, as nothing is more telling of a person’s character than their cheese preference.

3. Christmas shopping afternoon: Preferably to be done with a guy to use as your own bag carrier. Whenever I need to go somewhere or do something, I like to call other people up just in case, and although I love some peace of mind to think clearly when I need to buy presents for myself, when my consumerism is altruistic I love to have someone around to give me second opinions and spare my shoulders of all the extra weight!

4. Homemade decoration and dinner: I currently don’t have an apartment of my own to decorate, but other people’s serve me just as well. One of my favorite activities has been going to my friends’ homes to arrange garlands, make dried orange slices decor and even help to carefully distribute tinsel on the christmas tree. What is a chore to some is fun to others, with the right playlist and conversation specially. Afterwards it’s crucial to have a dinner party as a treat, no decoration shall be wasted!

To Discover

I feel like my consumerism is reaching an all time high right now, and I feel like I might as well share some of my current favourite discoveries with you guys. There’s nothing better than giving (and getting!) gifts from one of a kind stores, and so, I’ve made a little list of places that are definitely worth checking out:

1. Nesines: It’s a brand from barcelona that sells just the coolest shirts. I’ve just gotten one from them and I’m obsessed with the fit, the colors and the model. The quality is amaxzing, and I love that fact that their products have amazing compositions, no polyester around here! If you want a top that can elevate any pair of jeans, look nowhere else!

2. Maria de la Orden: I have to give credit where it’s due… this brand wasn’t on my radar before my mom showed it to me . Colorful velvet can definitely brighten up even the dullest winter days, especially when it’s presented in such unique shapes. Honestly their jackets are to die for, as are their headbands.

3. The obedient Daughter: came across this brand thanks to a kind destiny and now I’m absolutely OBSESSED with their curation of books and clothing. A gorgeous presentation of products that are unique but timeless… I simply NEED their Diana skirt.

4. MC2 Saint Barth: Okay not really a discovery, but THE place we should all be looking at for a perfect tongue in cheek aprés ski sweater. Ngl, I’m giving each of my siblings a sweater this christmas, and although I KNOW it might be an overdone gift, it’s a classic for a reason. And I myself know my sister would never not appreciate the opportunity to walk around Cervinia with a hot pink sweater that says “FAVOLOSA”

5. Bella Freud: Again, not a discovery, but worth a mention just because this was the month when I truly explored the brand’s full potential. Everyone knows their gorgeous sweaters with the best quotes (Godard IS GOD!), but I’m currently obsessed with their candles, ceramics and overall home accessories. Can someone please give me their Cunty mug? Please?)

To be worn

Sunglasses: I’m a guilty “occhiali da nebbia” wearer, much to my friends’ dismay. Though some may think it can be a bit bizzarre to wear sunglasses out on days when the sun doesn’t seem to get any high, I don’t have any shame in looking (or at least feeling) cool no matter the weather … My current go tos are the Dior Palladium (if you get it to wear in Venice it’s even better, that way, if anyone asks, you can say you’re paying your respects for Andre Palladio’s influential architecture)

Fur trimmed everything: Okay maybe i’ve been watching one too many episodes of friends, and letting the 90s influence a bit too much over my style, but recently I’ve been obsessed with fur trimmed coats. Long or short, black or camel, it doesn’t matter. I didn’t bite when everyone was going crazy over that green trench back in 2020, but now it’s different! A classic cut with a bit of fun fur will never go out of style in my eyes.

Barretes: Okay I think barretes are not an addition to my blog, I’ve probably been proudly posting about being a proud barrette wearer since 2020, but now I’ve actually been converted, and went from being a strictly tortoiseshell hair accessories wearer to a the brighter the better one. The one thing to blame is none other than the city of Copenhagen, where I discovered Maanesten and Pico, and FEASTED.

Herbag: Taking to “To Be” oof this section a bit too literally, and even a bit too hopefully. Not only do I absolutely love the fact that it reminds me a bit of the Kelly, I also love its overall practicality, everyone I know that has it rages on and on about its endless perks. While the fact that its body is made out of canvas rather than the famous traditional Hermes leather might be a turn off to some but to me it’s just perfect, principally because I’ve been planning on getting it to use it as a school bag and I’ve had the misfortune to have once tried to carry a leather bag around all day just to practically destroy it in one day.

Scarves and Pashminas: Winter is the season when I really can’t seem to escape all black outfits, but wearing a beautifully textured pashmina ALWAYS is a game changer for me. I feel like every city in the world has a Tibet store packed with the most varied options of material, print and density, I know Milan has an incredible one (although the Paris Tibet Forever on Le Marais will always take the cake).

[77pupu33pipo]

so sorry feel free to skip, big rant ahead.. but good ending :)

i really hope i can get free university tuition for the next year.. there are two vacant positions atm and i think i have a great chance of getting one.. i enrolled last year with 50% discount based on exam results but this discount is only kept if you stay high enough in student ratings and it kept me awake at night throughout the year and feeling guilty, and the workload was completely draining, and i was physically unwell and um. 0 friends and so i had a complete mental breakdown at the end of the year + a failed class and no year-end thesis which meant i needed an individual plan for the next year which meant no discount AND additional pay for extra courses. Decided to drop out, but instead re-enrolled in the same program for the second time to preserve 50% exam discount which is still appliable. Asked for credit recovery for all of the courses i actually completed last year and bless the faculty office because they agreed and spent this year taking my sweet time recovering and attending uni 3 times a week for language classes and thesis. And funny thing is i did pretty well last year. But complete burn out and absolutely shattered mental health, i really couldnt do it anymore. and i don't think ive recovered from it completely, i now resent the thought of any kind of confrontation or trying hard at something or taking an additional interest in something because that just means more work and thought. none of it pays off. i now give up when met with the smallest inconvenience and pushing through with anything is too much. i played The Sims Fucking 3 University one time and got so anxious and mad because the memory was painful. And i dont even remember the stuff that happened during last year that well at all, its all a complete haze, like it never even happened, but somehow still had its consequences. but like pretty much everyone was going through the same stuff in the same circumstances, but i didnt see anyone else struggling that much so i ended up thinking i am a wimp just wasting our and others' time and money and didnt complain or express my worries to anyone. i didnt exactly have anyone to express them to but well....

on the bright side i think I have succeeded in developing a "fuck-all" mentality in the last year and i hope to utilize it next time i am met with the same workload. Plus my groupmates this year round are amazing. i struggle to form close friendships or acquaintences, but they are all very nice and sweet and supportive of one another, its really nothing ive ever seen of classmates or colleagues. And i also think i have made good progress in learning Finnish and have regained just a bit of my passion for linguistics, i wouldnt want to resent the field forever because if it comes to academics i dont think im suited for anything else. my mother has been nagging me about taking what is essentially a gap year, and saying i was making stuff up when i told her about my decision and that ive been really struggling for the past year, even though i was just wailing at the time. But its alright i guess, i don't take it to close to heart, although it does make me so mad sometimes.

im better off now, but im still so scared of plunging back into all that anxiety, restlessness, exhaustion, competition and feelings of stupidity and inferiority. I have mostly dealt with the last two, but i dont think i will be able to take the stress if it is the same as last year. If i stay on paid tuition, then i have to continue securing my discount. And that means extra work in every subject, because you can't get max and pre-max grade by just completing the course perfectly, you're required to do extra work for the last two marks. I realize and understand that this is a common system, but jesus fucking christ i want to be able to choose not to do so and still continue studying like normal, not be handicapped in learning stuff i actually have to learn in other subjects because of useless shit i need to waste my time on for that sweet sweet 9 or 10. and you're competing both with people like you on paid tuition AND with people on free tuition who have some issues i think as the difference between mark 8 and mark 10 is only seen in the student rating and not recorded in the diploma, and the student rating does not mean jack shit if you're on free tuition, literally no one cares for it outside of calculating discounts and transfering from paid to free tuition. I don't want to think badly of those on free tuition who choose to compete in the system, but i believe i have become too senstitive about this topic. I want to bonk them with a cardboard tube to make them change their minds and see the appeal of being free to fuck all when it comes to grades and just do what they actually enjoy in the academics field or on the side, but that doesnt happen.

and so i have a pretty good chance of getting on free tuition with my current grades. I worked my ass off last year with most of the courses, and i got a "great" on both language classes and thesis this year. As far as i know, im first in rating among those on paid tuition. im sending mind control waves to faculty so that they give me that free tuition. i promise i will get worse grades on purpose so that people who are still stuck in clinging to discount hell have a bit of an easier time. i'll read papers for fun and find joy in learning new things again. i will do minimum wage monotone work needed for dictionaries or corpora like all the cool kids. Fuck it, i will do some afterclass activities now that ill be able to afford to spend my free time on random shit. ill attend historical dance meetings regularly, its really fun. ill make some friends even. just PLEASE give me the free tuition. if i don't, i will sigh deeply and continue trying to grind, but ill be upset.

maybe i need to stop whining and just go on with it like everybody did, but pleaseeeeeee. I think i worked hard. I completed every assignment without taking a look at how much it weighed in the grade formula. I helped fellow students when they struggled with something. I had almost perfect attendance. THIS stupid thing will change my life, stupid thing being free tuition. i cant afford to not get a mind boggling cool education, my family will execute me. Please just let me get my stupid little linguistics degree (i mean it includes programming and maths so.) and go on with my life... ...

[nuatthebeach]

Hi, first I want to tell you I really Ioved your story "persist and resist the the temptation to ask you"

Second what are your thoughts on Ginny being head girl After war like James potter( I mean without being perfect).?

People says it's out of character for her or Mcgonagall will never make anyone over hermione headgirl( my problem with hermione being Head girl is that i think she will not connect with children especially after what those kids have gone through during war year at hogwarts( she has her own trauma not discounting that but she wasn't at Hogwarts she did not know what happened last year, I think for her Hogwarts is still wonderful place)

I am not hermione hater whenever I say this people think I am bashing hermione. I do like hermione.

Shouldn't head be the one who can connect and empathize with children better( esp. Younger ones) ?

Ginny co-led Rebellion last perhaps she will become better head girl.

Please share your thoughts on this.( only if you want to ofcourse) sorry for the long ask and my bad English( really love your ginny weasley tag by the way)

ahhhhhh this was so sweet of you anon! I'm so glad you liked persist. i had a fun time writing it, that's for sure.

to answer your question, hmmm i guess i never really thought about if ginny would be head girl. if i did, i was also in the same boat as the others that it wouldn't fit her laidback/rebellious vibe as much as it would hermione.

HOWEVER, after reading your message, i began to realize that this perception i had of her was circumstantial, such that that would be the case if she was prefect and not head girl. but you are completely right. because she had gone through the war and had to serve as an automatic role model and leader to the younger population, i can 100% see McGonagall advocating for her to be head girl over hermione.

whether ginny would choose to do so is still under debate because let's think about it... the seventh year was - of course - a tough time for everyone, but in ginny's case, what with all of her responsibilities in the DA, all of that extra burden must have built up over time. there's an interesting variable in sociology called weathering, in which one's allostatic load - or "the wear and tear" of the body - builds up cumulatively the more one experiences stress. there's no doubt that there was a lot on her plate, and she must have eventually associated hogwarts itself as the emblem of her trauma. thus, i feel like she still may not have chosen to be head girl because she is in a completely different headspace after the war...she is no longer in fight or flight mode, yes, but i bet she's still hypervigilant all the time. because, unfortuntately, our bodies don't get the memo and have trouble differentiating life-threatening stress from other types of stress. bottom line is, she's in the midst of healing and processing grief from the death of her brother that i don't think she'd want to once again put herself into a direct leadership position that could only bring up all of those emotions full-fold. so she'd probably say no, but if a student ever comes up to her for support, then obviously i don't think she'd turn them down, if that makes sense...

on the other hand, not much is seen from canon about how ginny copes with stress. all we get is her reaction to the dementors in POA following COS and that she was supposedly "cheerful" at the end of COS and, of course, the "Lucky You" scene in OOTP. this is, of course, unrealistic on the behalf of JKR (and Harry, if we were to analyze this from an unreliable narrator's perspective), and i certainly don't headcanon that she has little trauma reactions, but it still brings up the question of her coping mechanisms and if she would indeed take up the role of head girl.

summary: it's definitely possible given some characteristics from canon, but from the few instances we do see from canon and the general knowledge of what trauma does to an individual, i can also equally see her saying "no" to being head girl. i still don't think hermione would be asked to be one, though, like you said, but who knows, maybe ginny offers it to her. or maybe ginny would hand the official position to another girl entirely their year (maybe parvati, eh? @foreverginevra) but still serve as moral support when needed.

either way, anon, i am in full support of your headcanon and love your reasoning for why :)

[whatisshelties]

With the past few years of minimal shows and experimenting with different sports, I'm consistently shocked at how much entries cost, even though I shouldn't be.

I have a feeling starting as a Junior Handler didn't help, when I got to run for $5 a run until I turned 18. There were even a couple awesome clubs that offered discounts to college students!

Agility is still one of the least expensive per turn sports and it's not even that cheap. I've heard flyball has pretty inexpensive entries and maybe disc??? Otherwise many sports are charging upwards of $20 per run. That really stacks up over several days and several runs. God forbid you have another dog!

I post this because I entered two ob/rally shows yesterday, since they were on the website and I thought what the heck, I'll get entered. The closing date and the show dates overlapped so that I couldn't wait to see if he moved up at the first one. It was $236 for 3 rounds of rally at the first show, and 2 rounds each of ob and rally at the second show. $20 was processing fees because EVERY SINGLE RUN was considered to be at a separate show. I know each run is a technically a separate "trial" but I still think that's bs. Why can't the whole event be considered one show???? I guess the superintendent has to make a buck, but come on. Honestly, I would mail my entries, but the last time I mailed an entry to a superintendent, I didn't get in to the show because USPS was all screwy and they didn't check their PO box or something. Don't trust 'em to get my entry anymore.

I really don't have a burning desire to like, drive out of my way to enter AKC rally/ob. There's a decent number of shows 1.5 hrs away, but I'm not feeling it is worth it. I might go if it's in conjunction with a huge confo show while I'm looking for next dog. I can see driving out of my way for scent work. I think that's more fun for Mud and we can often do more than 1 or 2 runs a day. It's still $$$ tho.

Within 30 minutes is a decent amount of ASCA rally, and I think a few shows where ASCA obedience is offered. It's waaaay cheaper than AKC. I think I'll start making an effort to keep track of their schedule. I just haven't because I am lazy. You also have to fill out all the show info on a default entry form template. I need to look over the rulebooks and see what different signs and stuff there are. They are also quite small, so I've heard it's tough to get in. Guess I need to put the opening date on my calendar vs just the trial date.

[fitzrove]

Listening to the new Musikaalimatkassa podcast ep by @fyeahfinnishmusicaltheatre, about musical ticket prices (it’s really good), and I’m just flabbergasted at how expensive it is to see shows in Finnish city theatres in comparison to other countries... :D Some thoughts in English (and my own experiences) under the cut.

So, shows I’ve seen this year and the prices I got tickets for are:

Cabaret at Theater Hof (Germany), small-ish municipal theatre production directed by (and starring) Uwe Kröger. One adult 'Orchestersitze’ (rows 1-5) ticket: 31 EUR. Balcony seats available for around 24 EUR (5 EUR on the same day).

Elisabeth at Festival Bruxellons (Belgium), fully staged summer open air theatre festival production. One adult premium ticket (middle seating with more room and the best visibility): 47,50 EUR, normal-price tickets were around 37,50 EUR if I recall correctly.

Wicked at the Apollo Victoria Theatre (UK), commercial theatre that has been running the original West End production of the show for 16 years next week. Last minute rush tickets (fourth row on the dress circle/balcony): £30.

This autumn in my native Finland, tickets for productions of international shows I would consider seeing range from 46 EUR (category 4, limited visibility) to 85 EUR for Anastasia, 45 EUR for all adult tickets to Evita, 89 EUR for all tickets to Priscilla: Queen of the Desert (except those for seats with limited visibility). And many theatres (like the one doing Evita) don’t offer multiple categories of tickets - everything from front row to the very back is the same price!

Of course, it’s not like the state supported Finnish theatres are the most expensive place to see musicals in the world - premium tickets to big commercial theatre productions abroad can cost upwards of 100 euros which I did pay to see Tanz in Stuttgart last year because getting robbed by Stage Entertainment is a musical fan rite of passage I guess. And I could probably get student discounts for some of the Finnish shows, bringing down the price a bit, but not enough to make them more affordable than student tickets abroad (which are generally around 5-10 euros less than adult tickets). AND some of the Finnish shows probably have same day ticket options similar to what made it possible for me to see Wicked in London, but in general, the same day ticket system is not at all as well-developed here as it is in the West End.

But still, on average, the price range for these Finnish productions is considerably higher than what it is for many other European municipal theatres. If you add travel costs (I have to take the train in Finland for most productions, and they end so late that overnight accommodation might also have to be considered), it’s actually a relevant question for me to think about whether I want to see a musical I know I’ll like in Europe & do other tourist things in a new city vs. see a show I might enjoy in Finland with a much heftier ticket price and less choice in regards to where I’ll sit.

[outofcontexturi]

wed august 17th 2022 journal

I’m hi as hell rn. had to spell it like that cause autocorrect kept fucking with me and ion like that. I’m going into my 3rd year of drama school this September and I’m completely nervous about it. I just can’t believe I’m actually at drama school doing cool things with my life. meeting cool people and actually just living quite bohemian in a way. It’s cool. there’s something so mystifying about it all. alluring. my heart is beating quite fast rn just thinking about it all. im ready. I’m ready to show them all. second year really tried to take my soul from me. just got my pizza. intuition guided me to the door cause it’s 00:35am rn and it was expected to arrive to me at 00:55-1:10am. something higher was calling me I guess. that’s probably a perfect metaphor for what awaits me at the beginning of September. I think I’m gonna miss being a student you know. i think it’s cause I’ve romanticised the idea of what I saw on tv of what it means to be a student. Late nights. Parties. love gone right. love gone wrong. people coming and going. trying to get it right. getting it wrong. getting it right. nights where you feel rich as shit cause student finance dropped vs nights where it’s only pasta and tuna or Lidl brand evenings (not even shitting on Lidl like that; they’re helpful as fuck to nigga. But it’s true man.) early mornings. the travel. the discounts! oh god the discounts. thank god for discounts. we live for the night we will remember with people we won’t forget. just the beginning of the journey for us all. the start point. listening to that motivational playlist on my way to school just to go and live my dream and shit. Be silly for 9 hours everyday. Be the clown so you can laugh at everything. Find humour in it. In the everyday mundane. That’s also another title for how my time has been at LAMDA. I’ve learnt so much on my journey about myself. About my year. About the school. Habits, the good, the bad, the ugly. I learnt about how important it is to pick your tribe wisely cause everyone talks here. And a bad mouth is bad business as far as I’m concerned. I’ve also learnt you have to really trust the process and have faith that you know what you’re doing cause I’ve seen that also the opposite way (when everything goes wrong during a performance) and the consequences that come with that and the self reflection and imposter syndrome that attaches itself to that self reflection too and feeds off your ego. I’ve learnt about how professionalism is a thing that not many of us have. the importance and value of each other’s time and how it can’t be wasted concerning yourself with anything but the goal, anything but the objectives at hand. It serves no one. I’ve learnt how people are. Some people live to lie to people, idk maybe it’s for protection or maybe it’s for manipulation but all I know is I see it in some people and even in myself at times and it’s crazy. I’ve learnt confidence goes a long way. And if I confident in myself that I can achieve anything. I spent many days here angry at myself and my abilities and half assing things in the name of trying not to fuck up or trying to see perfection that stabbed at my confidence and killed it. I had to find my way back to myself. I’m still on that journey now as we speak. I think I’m excited for third year. I’m gonna miss this year and these people. We’ve had one hell of a ride and it’s our last dance (many for the rest of our lives. Others may just be blessed to work with the same member ever again.) we’ll argue, we’ll bitch, we’ll complain, we’ll lash out, we’ll lie, we’ll comfort, we’ll protect, especially interests of ourselves and others close to us, we’ll laugh, we’ll cry, we’ll go alone, we’ll confide in, we’ll do whatever but we’ll always somehow pull it off in performance szn. every time . I remember Vik saying I need to want this shit more because it was looking like I was half assing everything again. And how it takes me a while to warm up to the audience when I’m on stage and he’s only seeing flashes of my brilliance when he wants to see it there from the get go.

[qqueenofhades]

Read your contribution on the post concerning academics using "simply put" and holy jolly macaroni that was some amazing takes and wonderfully explained too. I hope you know how good you are at saying things, jeez

Heh, thanks. Not to get back up on my old person soapbox and rant some more (though in my defense, it has been an exceptionally trying week), but the growth of an entire generation who think that everything can be said in a tweet and that anything longer or more difficult is automatically Elitist and Unnecessarily Complicated is... frustrating. To say the least. This kind of anti-intellectualism masquerades as woke leftism on (you guessed it) Twitter, as well as Tumblr. And like... I am an early career academic. I got my PhD in 2019 and have been trying to find a full time job ever since (in the humanities, during a pandemic, aha help me). I am More than aware of all the problems with the institution, its arcane quirks and outright infuriating nature, its elitism (in some cases) and everything else. Believe me, I know about all the parts that suck! I know about them INTIMATELY! But the answer to that is decidedly not "academics are frauds who just want to trick you into paying a lot of money and/or gatekeep Real Knowledge" or whatever other ice cold idiotic takes I am subjected to on this hellsite on a nearly daily basis. Protip: left-wing people aggressively discounting expertise, promoting "it's right if I feel that it's right and never mind facts," and "anyone who doesn't write in a style that I, John Q. Public, can immediately understand is an Elitist Bastard" is, uh. Not any better than when the right wing does it. See: every time I am forced to read with my own two eyes that historians are hiding the Real Queer History from you, or similar.

I know that my learned colleague @oldshrewsburyian also has many feelings about how university faculty are often treated as the enemy, when the enormous right-wing power of university boards and governing systems is often entirely ignored. (Yes, that article is from Teen Vogue, which waved goodbye to its last fuck a long time ago.) It's once more analogous to the Online Left TM almost exclusively blaming the Democratic party for "not doing more," while acting as if the openly fascist death cult Republican party that controlled this entire country for the better part of the last four years doesn't exist at all.

Teaching in the United States, whether at the grade school or university level, is never a job that anyone gets into because they're going to make money. Only the most senior tenured faculty at really ritzy places make good money, and for obvious reasons, that employment model has almost vanished. Now it's at will, part-time, non-tenure track "visiting instructors," which are easier to change out or replace and don't require an expensive lifetime contract. And guess what? It means that faculty may not have a stable or permanent job for years after finishing up to a decade (or more) of post-secondary education. And a lot of people cannot afford to live like that. So they quit. Then the humanities are treated as even more of a "worthless" degree, the next round of budget cuts hits, and the cycle starts all over again.

Anyway. As I have said before, we are in this mess in large part because America (and the western world, which is not off the hook here by any means) has deliberately cultivated higher education as something that is unprofitable, difficult, wildly expensive (see: the student debt crisis) and otherwise relatively pointless to pursue, since even a college degree can't usually get you an entry-level professional job anymore. There are problems on problems, not least this impulse for everything worth knowing to fit into a single (often wildly misinformed) Tweet thread. Reading things that challenge you and force you to take it slowly and take notes and not be sure of everything is fine! It's actually good! People should do it more!

That isn't to say that individual academics can't be bad writers, because they absolutely can. And yes, I know that post was a random Twitter screenshot from a random meme blog, and here I come blasting in like Captain Killjoy. But the strain of supposedly socially enlightened anti-intellectualism that is incredibly prevalent especially among young, college-aged, politically leftist people is both ominous and exasperating, and if we are ever going to get everyone out of their echo chambers, we have to start somewhere.

[c-e-d-dreamer]

Who’s Counting: Part Five

A/N: This part is alternatively titled “Emerie Ships It” which honestly, what a mood. This has been my favorite part to write so far, and I hope everyone enjoys it! Also, there is a companion mini-bonus chapter that goes with this part which is linked below :) 

Chapter Masterlist // Previous Part // Companion Bonus // Next Part

“So when are we going to talk about the elephant in the room?” Emerie asks, spreading jam across her piece of toast. Nesta peers at her with narrowed eyes over her cup of coffee as Emerie merely smirks around her bite of toast. 

“What elephant in the room?” Gwyn asks from where she has papers for her research project spread out around her on their tiny kitchen table. 

“Nesta’s boyfriend,” Emerie answers simply. 

“Cassian is not my boyfriend,” Nesta cuts in. 

“Yet,” Emerie quips back. “Especially since you knew I was talking about Cassian without me saying his name.” 

“Who else would you be talking about? It’s not like I have a long line of men at our door.” 

“Maybe I was talking about that guy Eris from your art class. Or maybe it was Helion from our women’s history class last year. You two could have rekindled the one sided flirting from him.” 

“Seriously?” Nesta deadpans. 

“Will you two quit it?” Gwyn jumps in again. “Nesta and Cassian would never work out anyways, so why does it matter?” 

“Thank you,” Nesta says. “I think.” 

“I just don’t see how you two would work,” Gwyn continues. “You’re smart. You need someone who can match that, not some dumb jock.” 

“Cassian isn’t a dumb jock,” Nesta points out. 

The words are out of her before she can even think about it, before she can bite her tongue around them and swallow them back down. She’s not sure when exactly she got in the habit of defending Cassian, but something about Gwyn’s offhanded comment bristled her skin, lighting a fire in her veins. 

Apparently, Nesta isn’t the only one surprised by her words. Both Gwyn and Emerie are staring at her with raised eyebrows. Although, Emerie’s face quickly morphs into a smirk, and Nesta can already imagine the kind of roasting her roommate is about to unleash. 

“Anyways, I have to get to class,” Nesta cuts in before Emerie can get a word out, sliding out of her seat and grabbing her bag. 

“To Chemistry?” Emerie asks in a too chipper voice. “Have fun!” 

Nesta squares her shoulder and raises her chin, the perfect picture of unbothered, as she heads for the door. She flips Emerie off over her shoulder for extra good measure. The laughter from the apartment follows Nesta all the way down the stairs and to her car. 

When Nesta walks through the door to Chemistry, Cassian is already sitting at their lab table. She clocks the way he bounces the end of his pen against the page of his opened notebook, nervous energy springing free with each thwack. Nesta slides into her seat, and Cassian’s attention snaps to her instantly. He offers her a grin, but there’s no missing the unease pinched at the corners. 

“Hey,” Nesta greets easily, reaching into her bag to pull out her things for class. 

“Hey,” Cassian starts. “So, I know that you can technically get your own student discounted tickets, but since I invited you, I wanted to give you these.” 

Nesta glances over at his words, seeing Cassian slide three tickets across the table toward her. Nesta blinks down at them a bit confused before picking them up, reading the bold font declaring the teams and time of the game. 

“Did you buy these?” Nesta asks. 

“No, we all get two comp tickets for family for every game, but all my family is on the team, so I’ve never really used them,” Cassian explains. “Well, I guess Mor isn’t on the team, but Rhys always gives her one of his comp tickets. Oh, and before you do the math, I made Azriel give me one of his.” 

“I’ll be sure to tell Gwyn her ticket is from him.” 

Cassian laughs at that, shoulders shaking and crinkles finding their home beside his eyes. Nesta’s glad to finally see those nerves from before dissipate, like Cassian is finally back to normal. Even as he has to stifle his laugh behind his hand when their professor walks in. 

“If you need me to explain the game to you, let me know,” Cassian mutters, keeping his voice low so the professor won’t hear as she begins the lecture. 

“Isn’t it just run and kick a ball into the goal?” Nesta whispers with a roll of her eyes. 

“Oh, yeah, Nes,” Cassian teases. “You’re a total soccer expert.” 

~ * * * ~

“You couldn’t even wear something with the school’s colors?” 

Nesta blinks down at the sweater she’s wearing, tugging gently on the blue threads of the hem. She then takes in the University of Prythian sweatshirt Gwyn is wearing, Emerie’s t-shirt with the winged creature that’s meant to be the school’s mascot adorned across the front. To Nesta, it always just looked like some big bat. 

“Who cares,” Nesta defends with a shrug. “We’ll be in the student section. It will be pretty obvious which team we’re rooting for.” 

“The next time we’re at the campus store, I’m buying you a hoodie,” Gwyn promises, standing from where she had been perched on the sofa. 

“As if Nesta would ever wear it even if you did,” Emerie teases. 

“Will you two quit it?” Nesta scoffs. “Are we going or not?” 

“Of course! We wouldn’t want to miss either of your future boyfriends,” Emerie says, hopping down from her own seat atop their kitchen island. “Although, I do think we all could work a little harder on finding me a future girlfriend.” 

“I’ll be sure to ask every girl we pass if she’s single,” Gwyn offers, looping her arm through Emerie’s as they head for the front door. 

“Thank you for your service,” Emerie says, her tone dramatically solemn. 

Nesta rolls her eyes at her roommates’ antics, but she follows them out of their apartment. The stadium is already bustling with people when they arrive, students, alumni, and families all walking about. Everyone is decked out in the purple and red of the school, a shifting crowd of jerseys, sweatshirts, and hats. Nesta even notices a group of guys who must be part of one of the fraternities with their chests painted in the school colors. There’s chatter and loud laughter, and a fair amount of drunken stumbling from students who tailgated before the game. 

Gwyn grabs a hold of Nesta’s hand and Emerie a hold of Gwyn’s as they move through the crowd and toward the stadium entrance. Once inside, they make their way around to the student section, the bleacher seats already quickly filling up in a sea of purple and red, voices rising like steam over waves of bobbing heads. 

“Nesta! Over here!” 

Nesta turns her head at her name and finds Feyre sitting on one of the bleachers, her leg stretched out alongside her in a makeshift way to save seats. Her sister is wearing a jersey, the size clearly too large from the way it hangs off her. But she’s wearing a big grin as she waves Nesta over. Nesta slides into the seat beside Feyre, Gwyn and Emerie settling in beside her. 

“I’m so glad you all made it,” Feyre says, a wide grin pulling across her face. “And you made it just in time.” 

They all look toward the field to see the two teams coming out of the tunnels. Many of them jog lightly along the white lines that mark the boundaries in the turf. Others take a moment to stretch and do some jumps to warm up their legs. It’s easy to spot Cassian, his large frame unmistakable amongst the other players in their jerseys and shorts. Under the glow of the stadium lights above, Cassian’s sleeves of tattoos stand out especially stark against his skin. Nesta watches as he rakes his fingers through his hair, pulling the curls up and away from his face, before adjusting the yellow band wrapped around his bicep and turning to laugh at something one of his teammates says. 

“Rhys said this other team is a pretty big rival,” Feyre’s voice pulls Nesta’s attention. “Hybern College.” 

“Oh yeah, they beat us last year. In that big tournament match,” Emerie cuts in. 

“Maybe we’ll win this year?” Gwyn offers. 

Before anyone can say anything else, a whistle is blown down on the field. The student announcer’s voice rings out through the stadium, declaring the starting players for each team as they take their places. Another whistle and the game is off. It’s fast paced right from the get-go, each team fighting for possession before racing down field. There are a few good chances, some near misses and clutch saves from the goalkeepers, and by the end of the first half, the game is still scoreless. 

When the second half starts, both teams clearly are growing more and more desperate to score and to win. One of the Prythian players goes sprinting ahead, just in time to catch a pass from a teammate. Judging by Feyre’s cheering, Nesta has a strong suspicion the player in question is Rhysand. But then a Hybern player is swooping in, tackling Rhysand to the ground. There’s an uproar from the crowd, but luckily, the referee is holding up a yellow card at the infraction. 

The tension in the stands builds like rolling waves as Rhysand sets up the free kick, everyone seeming to hold their breath in anticipation before the whistle is blown. Rhysand sends the ball arcing toward the goal, perfectly placed for Cassian to head the ball into the net. Those rolling waves finally crash against the shore, students and fans alike erupting into cheers. Cassian goes sliding into the corner, arms raised in victory, as his teammates encircle him. 

Hybern pushes hard to tie up the game, but they fall just short. When the final whistle blows, the score is 1-0 Prythian University. The crowd is bubbling with excitement as they begin filing out of the stands, chatters and whoops swirling on the fall breeze around them. 

"I usually go and wait for Rhys after the games," Feyre says as she stands. "Did you guys want to join?" 

"Oh, definitely. Nesta is supposed to meet up with Cassian anyways," Emerie points out. 

"Really?" Feyre asks, turning to Nesta with raised eyebrows, her face a mix of confusion and curiosity. 

"Just lead the way, Feyre," Nesta cuts in. 

Feyre looks like she definitely has more she wants to say, but she merely snaps her mouth closed and nods. They follow as Feyre weaves her way out of the stands and through the still congregated crowds of fans. The path around the stadium breaks off toward the practice fields and facilities, and they turn to keep to it. There's a crowd outside the building that houses the locker rooms as well, but it's distinctly smaller than the groups at the stadium. It's mostly students, but Nesta notes the different parents also mingling about as they all wait. 

The players start to trickle out of the locker room one by one, and as soon as she spots Rhysand, Feyre goes tearing off in his direction. Azriel follows close behind Rhysand, making his way through the crowd to the path that leads back to campus. He almost gets there before two girls are stopping him with wide doe eyes and flirty smiles. 

"Looks like your future boyfriend is popular," Emerie teases Gwyn, earning an unimpressed look from the redhead. "Hopefully Nesta's future boyfriend shows up soon to introduce you." 

"Can we stop calling Cassian that?" Nesta cuts in. 

"Stop calling me what?" 

All three of them snap their attention to the right, finding Cassian standing there. Nesta can feel every nerve ending in her body sparking to life, her stomach twisting into a tighter and tighter knot. She silently begs any God that may be listening that Cassian didn't overhear Emerie's dumb nickname for him. That is the absolute last thing she needs right now. 

"Nothing," Nesta deflects, earning a curious look from the man in question. "Are you still going to introduce Gwyn to your brother?" 

“Oh, yeah, sure,” Cassian replies easily. “Come on.” 

Nesta lets out a relieved sigh as Cassian makes his way over to where Azriel is standing. Gwyn follows behind him, Nesta and Emerie hanging back so as to not get in the way. They watch as Cassian strides up to Azriel, throwing an arm around his shoulder with ease. The two girls who had been speaking to Azriel send sour looks Cassian’s way before scurrying off, but he either doesn’t seem to notice or doesn’t care. They can’t hear what Cassian says from this distance, but he talks animatedly as he gestures to Gwyn. A few more words are exchanged and then Cassian is patting Azriel on the shoulder and turning back toward where Nesta and Emerie are standing. 

“Oh, look. He’s coming back over here,” Emerie points out, and Nesta doesn’t even need to turn to look at her friend to know that she’s smirking. “Suddenly, I have to be anywhere but here.” 

Nesta snaps her head toward Emerie at that comment, but her roommate is already peeling away and into the crowd with a laugh. Nesta rolls her eyes with a sigh. She’ll figure out a way to get back at her. Eventually. 

“Did you have fun at the game?” 

Nesta schools her features before turning back to where Cassian is now standing, offering him a nonchalant shrug. “It was alright.” 

“Did you see my goal?” Cassian asks. 

“Did you score?” Nesta feigns ignorance, barely able to bite down the smirk threatening to take shape. “Must have missed it. I think I was in the bathroom then.” 

“I’ll just have to score another for you at the next game.” 

“What makes you think I’m coming to the next game?” 

Nesta expects Cassian to shoot back another quip, but instead the teasing smile he had been wearing melts away. “Guess I was just hoping.” 

The remark has Nesta’s brows pinching in confusion. This isn’t the usual game they play. Not quite sure what to say, Nesta turns her attention back to where Gwyn and Azriel are chatting. It’s an interesting combination, the two of them. Gwyn’s bubbling light energy next to Azriel’s brooding frame. Nesta watches as Gwyn says something that has what looks like the faintest dusting of pink settling on the sharp lines of Azriel’s cheekbones. Azriel pushes his fingers through the dark strands of his hair, and it puts emphasis on the muscles of his arm as they shift underneath his shirt. 

“You know, I get it now,” Nesta says as she continues to watch her friend. 

“Get what?” Cassian asks. 

“Why everyone is all about Azriel. He’s definitely attractive.” 

“What?” 

The choked tone of Cassian’s voice has Nesta turning back to him, another well placed jab already poised and ready on the tip of her tongue, but it freezes when she takes Cassian in. The way his arms are bent, fists slightly clenched, the way his chest is puffed out. 

“Are you flexing right now?” 

“No,” Cassian defends, the slight strain to his words giving away the fact he’s clearly lying. 

Nesta can’t help the laugh that bubbles out of her at the absurdity of this man. “There is something seriously wrong with you.” 

With a roll of her eyes, Nesta walks away, trying to find Emerie in the crowd still congregated outside the locker rooms. Cassian knows he should feel embarrassed, but all he can think about is that he made Nesta laugh, the sound lilting and easy. It might be his favorite sound now. He might be desperate to hear it again and again, especially if he can be the cause of it. Because that laugh, it makes his whole chest feel warm, makes it feel like the space between his ribcage is simply too small to house his ballooning heart. 

~ * * * ~

Nesta cuts her way across the common, the grass crunching beneath her boots with each step. It’s a near perfectly clear night for once, the moon alight in a crescent shape in a sea of twinkling stars overhead. It just makes the weather feel more crisp, and Nesta pulls her jacket tighter around herself as she walks. 

She can hear the thrumming bass of a house party coming from one of the dorms to her right and the drunken giggles from a group of girls coming from or going to a party Nesta isn’t sure to her left. All she cares about is the warm reprieve and sanctuary she’ll find in the library, nestling comfortably between those rows of encyclopedias. 

“Nesta! Nesta, wait up!” 

Nesta turns, finding Cassian sprinting down the path toward her. He’s breathing hard when he comes to a stop in front of Nesta, but his smile is wide and his eyes are bright, even under the darkness of the night. Nesta notes the sweatshirt he’s wearing, how his hair is pulled back but damp, drops of water fall onto his shoulder. 

“Did you just run all the way here?” Nesta asks. 

“Yeah,” Cassian answers easily. “Didn’t want to be late for our study session.” 

“You could have just met me inside.” 

“Right…” 

Nesta frowns, her brows pinching together as she stares up at Cassian curiously. But she doesn’t have time for his antics, it’s way too cold for that. Plus, half the time she wonders if she’ll ever understand exactly what goes on inside Cassian’s head. He’s still smiling at her, so Nesta merely turns on her heel and continues on toward the library, Cassian falling into step beside her. 

“So, how’s the rest of your weekend been then?” Cassian asks as they walk. 

“It’s been—” 

Nesta pauses, her steps stuttering to a stop as they approach the library. It’s all dark, every window and the large doors at the entrance lacking their normal glow. There’s a light on somewhere deep within the library, but it’s eerie looking at it like this, not a single soul seeming to be stirring inside between the shelves. There’s a page taped to one of the doors and Nesta steps forward to read the printed words across the white paper. 

Library closed for renovations. Will reopen Monday at 8am 

“Wow. Whatever will we do now,” Cassian deadpans from over Nesta’s shoulder, having stepped up behind her without her realizing. 

“I swear, if you suggest—”

“We can always go back to my place to study.” 

“No.” 

“Come on, Nes. I’m right around the corner. You already drove all the way here. Do you really want it all to be for nothing?” 

Nesta narrows her eyes at him, but Cassian seems completely unperturbed by her glare. He keeps doing that. Keeps deflecting everything she throws at him, steps forward when everyone else in Nesta’s life always seems to step back. Keeps burrowing deep under her skin and tearing away at her walls each icy brick at a time like it’s the easiest job for him in the world. Like it’s all he ever wants to do. 

“If we go back to your place,” Nesta concedes. “We have to actually study.” 

“Of course.” 

“I’m serious, Cassian. No funny business.” 

“You wound me,” Cassian says, putting on his best solemn tone and placing a hand over his heart. “I am a gentleman.” 

Nesta rolls her eyes at that. “Just lead the way. It’s freezing out here.” 

"My lady," Cassian teases, holding his arm out toward Nesta like some regency lord. 

Nesta just shoves Cassian hard in response, feeling rather proud of herself when Cassian actually stumbles, righting himself at just the last minute before he goes tumbling into the grass. She snorts at his flailing but Cassian just laughs, the sound echoing in the crisp night air. 

Once Cassian rights himself, he leads Nesta down the pathway. She wraps her arms tightly around herself to stave off the biting cold, and is glad when Cassian was correct about his place being just around the corner. Nesta eyes track the looming brick building up and up as Cassian steps forward, swiping his student card and holding open the door for Nesta. 

“You still live in the dorms?” Nesta asks as she steps inside. 

“Unfortunate stipulation of my athletic scholarship,” Cassian explains, leading Nesta up to the third floor and down the hall of rooms. “At least it’s one of the nicer dorms. Technically, I have my own room, but share a bathroom and living space with Az.” 

Cassian unlocks a door and steps back to let Nesta enter. He gestures to the room off to the left and Nesta steps inside, her eyes taking in the space around her. It’s like most of the dorm rooms on campus, a raised bed pushed up against one wall, a desk and dresser tucked into opposite corners. Nesta notes the few photos displayed on the desk, one of Cassian smiling widely with his brothers, them all young with lanky limbs and grass stained jerseys. 

“Sorry it’s kind of a mess,” Cassian offers, going over and straightening out the duvet on his bed. 

“I’ve seen worse,” Nesta comments, settling back on Cassian’s bed and pulling her books and notes out of her bag. 

Cassian chuckles at that, and Nesta looks up curiously at the slightly strained sound of it, but Cassian has his back turned to her. He grabs one of his textbooks off his desk and settles in beside Nesta. He doesn’t say anything more, so Nesta turns her focus to her work. She scribbles out her notes on the page as she does her assigned reading, but she can feel Cassian’s eyes as he keeps glancing over at her, and that incessant nervous tapping of pen against paper is back. With a roll of her eyes, Nesta reaches her hand out, covering Cassian’s own and stilling the movements. She feels the way Cassian tenses under her touch, hears the soft intake of breath he takes. 

“Sorry,” Cassian mutters. 

Nesta draws her hand back and returns to her work, letting the silence settle around them as she continues her notes. 

"Alright, that's enough studying," Cassian says suddenly, reaching over to take Nesta’s books off her lap. 

Nesta turns to scowl at him as Cassian reaches over to grab his laptop. "I thought I said no funny business."

"One movie isn't going to kill you, Nes."

"I also thought I told you not to call me that."

"You did,” Cassian says, offering Nesta a too sweet smile as he places his laptop between them on the bed. “And I pointedly decided to ignore it. Now then, since you said I look like Brendan Fraser—"

"I did not say that—"

"I think it's only fitting that we watch the Mummy." 

Nesta sighs, but she shifts to settle more comfortably, back against the wall and knees tucked up close. Cassian presses play on the movie before scooting back to lean against the wall as well, sitting so close to Nesta that their shoulders brush together. The movie starts and Nesta watches the opening scene unfold, the priest and his lover meeting in secret. 

“You know I always felt bad for them,” Nesta comments. 

“You feel bad for the man about to become an evil mummy?” Cassian teases. 

“They loved each other and just wanted to be together. Even willing to risk it all. There’s something romantic about that.” 

“All those romance novels might be rotting your brain.” 

Cassian reaches a hand up, gently flicking Nesta in the forehead. Nesta scrunches her nose up at the gesture, swatting Cassian’s hand away with a scowl. Her annoyed expression just has Cassian smiling, the gold of his eyes bright with that emotion Nesta still isn’t able to put her finger on. It leaves Nesta’s heart skipping over itself in her chest for a moment, so she turns her attention back to the movie instead.  

“Look, Cassian. It’s you.” 

“That’s not Brendan Fraser.” 

“Oh, I know. Because you’re not Brendan Fraser; you’re the idiot brother.” 

“That’s just mean, Nes,” Cassian says, but there’s laughter coloring his voice. “Don’t worry. You can still be the hot archaeologist.” 

Nesta shakes her head at Cassian’s antics and focuses on the movie. They’re about halfway through the film when Nesta notices Cassian shifting out of the corner of her eye. He stretches his arms up high above his head, sending a glance Nesta’s way as he slowly moves them out and down. Nesta barely tapers down an eye roll. The oldest trick in the book? Seriously? 

“What are you doing?” Nesta cuts in, causing Cassian’s movements to freeze. 

“Getting comfortable,” Cassian deflects easily.

“Well, don’t.”

“You know that date offer from when we first met still stands.” 

“And it’s still a no.” 

Cassian turns his head to face Nesta properly, a smirk tugging up the left side of his lips. “And why is that?” 

Nesta turns to meet Cassian’s gaze. “I’m doing you a favor.” 

“A favor?” 

The laughter in Cassian’s tone tells Nesta he thinks she’s joking, another round of their teasing game they play. That he doesn’t realize the truth in her words, the little piece of herself she’s just handed over. It’s another jagged and broken one, one that whispers of the past year, of all the cracks still gaping in Nesta’s heart. Cassian may be all soft smiles, all teasing, playful words and bright eyes, but Nesta doesn’t even have a whole heart to offer to place in his large hands.

—

Taglist: @moodymelanist​ @hellogoodbye14​ @nestaspegasus​ @confusedfandomslut​ @sv0430​ @angelic-voice-1997​ @azrielsblade 

[ddosie]

# 2 and soobin for the prompt please!

you wouldn't say you were the sentimental type.

things came and went. kids grew into adults. that was just how life was. people grew apart, sometimes closer, and it was all expected.

you just never thought you would have to face it yourself.

it was a problem that you had only read about in story books. the handmaiden watches the price she fell in love with get married. she moves on. the king lets go of the memories of his favorite knight. he moves on. the queen loses her son, her only son. she moved on.

they all moved on. so why couldn't you?

"class! class! let's start this school year by introducing ourselves! i'll go first. my name is ms. hilton, and i'm your english teacher for this year! i've worked at this school for a long time now, and i can't wait to teach all of you kids!

okay, now that i've done my introduction, shall we go along the classroom and introduce ourselves? starting from you sir, yes you with the white and black sneakers. please start by telling us your name and a fun fact about yourself."

you watched as the said boy stood up, pushing his hair back with his hand.

"uh... hi everyone, i'm soobin, and one fun fact about me is i went to Europe this year."

as the next person got up to introduce themselves, you found yourself staring at him.

jeez, he was tall for a middle schooler.

the sun is filtering through the blinds in your room, and rays of light are being painted across the walls. everything is a golden color, from the desk to the bedside.

"so... what topic are we choosing for this project?" you watched through the lens of your glasses as soobin furrowed his brow.

"do you think, maybe aristotle?" you nodded your head eagerly, so soobin stood up and walked over to the teachers desk. a second later he sent you a thumbs up.

"aristotle it is."

you twirled your pen in your fingers as soobin took a seat. "hey do you want to work on the project with me over the weekend? i know a really good café...?"

there was a small smile on your face, and you nodded.

"yeah sure, what time?"

you got up from your chair, grabbing a camera. in this lighting, the room was just too pretty to not take a picture of.

"y/n, for someone of that height, there is no reason you should be walking that fast."

you sent a small smile to the long-legged boy trying to catch up with you in the hallway.

"if you don't want to be late to class bin, you're going to have to put those legs to work."

you let soobin catch up with you, and you slowed down your pace from thereon so the two of you could walk side by side. soobin pointed at the trophy shelf.

"do you think we'll win this year too? i hope we do, yeonjun promised a party at his house if we get placed first."

you gave soobin a reassuring pat on his arm.

"you'll be finneee... if you win, i'll take you out to icecream after."

the boy turned to look at you, a smile creeping into his eyes.

"really?"

"really."

fiddling around with the camera, you brushed the light dust that had collected on the top off. you watched as the particles were swept away, dancing in the dying sunlight.

"we should do this every year."

you turned to look at soobin lying next to you, ice-cream sandwhich in one hand, while the other was tucked behind him, supporting his head. he was looking above, admiring the night sky.

"you mean climb some random apartment stairs to get to rooftops? and risk our lives every season game to see a different view of the city at night?"

soobin let out a small laugh. "yeah, well when you put it that way, it does sound bad." you smiled, lying down with your own ice-cream sandwich, propping an arm under your head.

"...i meant the icecream tradition. you'll be there for my next season game, right?"

now it was your turn to admire the night sky.

"of course. i wouldn't miss it for the world"

grabbing a tissue, you went to work at the camera, cleaning dust from all crevices and corners of the lenses. you were surprised. when was the last time you had even taken a photo on this thing?

"hey bin, what's up?"

grabbing your phone and placing it on your desk, you made yourself comfortable, ready for any facetime tea he would spill.

"ah, y/n..." you watched as he ran a hand through his hair from the other side of the screen. "i don't think... i don't think i'll be able to make it to your birthday this year."

there was a quiet silence. you felt like you'd been punched in the gut.

"if i can ask, um, why?" you fiddled with the hem of your hoodie, waiting for an answer.

"the schedules for the basketball game lineups just came out, and the final season game is happening on your birthday. i just wanted to tell you in case we do win that far and i won't be able to come."

you decided to smile at the way soobin had said just in case they win. the two of you were in your sophomore year, and he hadn't lost a game since middle school.

"yeah, don't worry about it soob. we can still get icecream after."

you felt a turn in your stomach when the boy gave you a relived smile, running a hand through his hair again.

"that's all i wanted to say, i've got to go now"

"hm? why?"

"chem tutoring. these freshman are horrible at science."

adjusting the camera, you zoomed in on random objects in your room. the bookshelf. your water bottle. the lamp. click. click. click.

“did you hear? that senior yeonjun will be throwing a bigger party than last year! are you going y/n?”

you shrugged. “when is it?”

“I think it‘ll be this saturday.”

"can’t. I’ll be out of town”

"for what?

“college. I sent an early application, and one of them reached out and wants me to tour the campus. if i go, I’ll have a guaranteed spot next year, and I probably won’t have to apply to any others.”

your friend let out a low whistle and patted your head.

"well when you put it like that, I guess you really can’t go… but maybe we could get something after the game? i heard the ice cream place was still open”

just like that, a mere sentence felt like a silent punch to the gut.

you looked away from your friends face, scanning the cafeteria unknowingly. you were met with the view of a senior tussling soobin's hair, an arm slung across his neck. you could hear their loud conversation even from where you were sitting.

"you coming to my house after the game? me and the guys we're planning to get some icecream and stay over at my house for the night."

you thought you saw something flash in soobins eye's before he smiled, nodding in agreement.

abruptly standing up, you tossed an apology to your friend about how you wouldn't be able to make it and you had just remembered you had some important emails to send. you didn't want to be around when the words of confirmation came out of his mouth itself.

so much for a flash. the last time you had icecream with him was two years ago.

adjusting the lens once more, you caught your eye on a ticket stuck between two books on your desk. you slowly pulled it out. it was blue and grey, your school colors. there was a hole punched on the bottom, indicating it was used.

"and it's the last two minutes of the game, and hybe high is in the lead! if they can make this basket, it will guarantee a regional win for the school. oh! there goes hyunjin... passing to donghyuck who... also just passed to eric who, jeez, passed to soobin...! look at that! look at that!! we are in the last minute everyone, and if captain of hybe high makes this basket, like i said they will be the regional winners!!"

you let the sound of the announcer wash over you, leaning forward in your seat to watch the game.

for some reason you kept coming back. to this gym. to the basketball games.

to soobin.

it had been over a year since the two of you had really talked, the last icecream run being well over three years ago (a promise to go before your birthday was conveniently broken), and the last facetime was to ask for calculus answers.

you knew that you had faded out of the life of the star basketball player.

you just couldn't accept it.

"and soobin gets closer to the rim... oh! it looks like taehyun from bighit acadmy is a pretty good blocker... anyways look at him go! we have twenty second left, and even if he doesn't score hybe is still in for a win... okay, okAY?? WAIT WHAT!! WHAT!!"

there's a loud screech of the intercom that mixes with the cheers of the crowd. you found yourself on your feet, fists pumping in the air in celebration alongside the students in the bleachers despite yourself.

"AND CHOI SOOBIN SECURES THE PLACE OF HYBE HIGH IN DISTRICT REGIONALS!! ONCE AGAIN THE ACE HAS TOPPED EVERYONE AND BRANG HIS TEAM TO VICTORY!!"

you held the ticket tenderly. on the backside was stamped senior, a marker that counted as a discount for the upperclassmen that wanted to watch the game. flipping it over again, you felt a wave of something hit your stomach as you took in the grey and blue.

"hey y/n, wait up!"

you whipped around at the sound of an all too familiar voice.

there, stood soobin, in all his six foot and one inch glory.

"you.." he panted, hands on his knees as if he had run a million miles. "you walk too fast. what's the rush? you were cheering for me so loudly."

there was that feeling again. of being punched in the gut. by that invisible hand that seemed to favor your stomach whenever soobin was around.

"ah, you know... just getting home."

you tried not to stare too long. soobin had grown, matured. the baby face he donned as a middle schooler was gone, only his dimples a reminder of the childhood smiles you shared together.

"you're not... going anywhere? going straight home?"

you gave him a small smile. "...yeah. i'm going soon, so i really need to pack. good game though! you really did good this time around."

"going soon... to where y/n? are you taking a road trip without me?" you sensed a wary tone under his teasing words. three years apart, and this was the news you would have to tell him. curse the fates.

"yup! im, ah... moving cross country. i got accepted a while back."

you could already see the question in his eyes. how far? which major? on campus or near?

why didn't you tell me?

there was a moment of silence while you rocked back and forth on your heels. soobin pushed his hair back, looking into your eyes.

the heaviness of a thousand unanswered questions weighed in the air.

"so... want to catch up over icecream?"

as you held the basketball ticket from senior year, you realized three things.

one: you were the sentimental type. you clung onto old memories and good times like they were life jackets, keeping you afloat in the mundanity of your new life.

two: you didn't really like the idea of always moving on. it seemed so easy in the story books, that after a couple years the queen goes back to her ordinary life, the king appoints a new knight, and the princess finds someone she truly loved. but was there a time where you would just stop caring? was there a day you would wake up and didn’t think about what could have happened, the if only’s and what if’s?

three: you couldn't move on. you prided yourself on being able to move faster, walking a pace before everyone else. life was a journey, and you were going places. quite literally. you were floating when everyone was sinking.

but you were only floating because you had your life jacket.

...

things came and went. kids grew into adults. that was just how life was. people grew apart, sometimes closer, and it was all expected.

you clutched the ticket in your hand, the end slightly wrinkled by your fingers.

you just never thought you would have to face it yourself.

[benjaminmoorepaint]

red: the color of...grantaire?

Figured I might do another meta post like the one I did for Marius to address the myths and misconceptions surrounding certain characters, so it's Grantaire's turn!

I'm sure we all know Grantaire quite well...a sensitive starving artist, with his Apollo as his muse, and a cynic who pragmatically points out the flaws in Enjolras's idealism, which they quarrel over.

Let's unpack that!

Grantaire is most likely middle class if not wealthy, he is certainly not poor. We don't know what he's studying (if he's studying at all) but he is nevertheless a quintessentially Parisian bourgeoise "student", much like Bahorel. "A rover, a gambler, a libertine..." As the foil of "severe in his enjoyments" Enjolras, Grantaire is a pleasure-seeker, indulging in the excesses that Enjolras disdains.

Again, though we don't know what Grantaire is studying (and I suspect he's just Bahorel-ing it) he's clearly an educated man, judging by the references he throws into his speeches, and he mentions that he once was a student of Gros.

So is he really an artist? He might have been an apprentice at some point, but it's clear he was not particularly enthused by it. After all, discipline is something that Grantaire…lacks. And because it's Grantaire, you can't completely discount the idea that he made it up just for a pun (though I do find that unlikely.) But it's a triple (quadruple?) play--it's important not to take this quote too far out of context because he's actually saying several things here.

It is a shame that I am ignorant, otherwise I would quote to you a mass of things; but I know nothing. For instance, I have always been witty; when I was a pupil of Gros, instead of daubing wretched little pictures, I passed my time in pilfering apples; rapin is the masculine of rapine. So much for myself; as for the rest of you, you are worth no more than I am. I scoff at your perfections, excellencies, and qualities. Every good quality tends towards a defect [...] there are just as many vices in virtue as there are holes in Diogenes’ cloak.

Gros was a well-known neoclassical painter of the time, and I believe Hugo's inclusion of him here is a jab at the neoclassicists, as Grantaire doesn't seem to care for him.

There's a pun! "Rapin"--term for a painter's assistant--is the masculine of "rapine"--to steal.

So he likely means he stole the apples intended to be painted for a still life, which fits his careless attitude... but he's ironically putting himself down for it too, and at the same time

putting his companions down, saying they're no better than him even if they do have more "good" qualities because each good quality has a corresponding downside, so what's the point, really?

You can see that even in this small sample of his speech that Grantaire often has layers upon layers of meaning in what he says. He's a smart guy! But that means you can't always take what he says at face value, as Hugo says, he's constantly "reasoning and contradicting" himself. So let me invite you further down into what I think his real meaning is here (though now firmly into the depths of my own conjecture, so others may have different interpretations.)

I would speculate that "the rest of you" who he professes to mock refers mostly to a specific person, you can probably guess who. After all, Enjolras is surely the paragon of virtue among them, and you could certainly argue that his good qualities edge on being flaws. I think Grantaire is right about that, and it's a sort of theme we see pop up again and again--the Bishop's generosity does hurt the women he lives with, Valjean's self-sacrifice hurts Cosette, and Javert is someone who's tipped all the way over to his virtues being vices.

But like, man, come on. Seriously. "I scoff at your perfections, excellencies, and qualities." Dude. We all know that you're obsessed with this man.

And you might notice that this is just a whole lot of Grantaire talking and talking over people, never letting anyone else get a word in. It's not a debate, Grantaire never actually debates anyone, let alone Enjolras. The idea of Grantaire debating Enjolras and making him see the flaws in his idealistic revolution is wholly a fandom invention.

The closest we get, really, is Grantaire trying to convince Enjolras to send him to the Barriere du Maine...and Grantaire doesn't come out of that looking so good.

“Do you know anything of those comrades who meet at Richefeu’s?”

“Not much. We only address each other as tu.”

“What will you say to them?”

“I will speak to them of Robespierre, pardi! Of Danton. Of principles.”

“You?”

“I. But I don’t receive justice. When I set about it, I am terrible. I have read Prudhomme, I know the Social Contract, I know my constitution of the year Two by heart. ‘The liberty of one citizen ends where the liberty of another citizen begins.’ Do you take me for a brute? I have an old bank-bill of the Republic in my drawer. The Rights of Man, the sovereignty of the people, sapristi! I am even a bit of a Hébertist. I can talk the most superb twaddle for six hours by the clock, watch in hand.”

I won't bother going too in-depth here since you're probably familiar with all this--Grantaire talks a big game and then fails to follow through. And we see one of two red waistcoats mentioned, neither of which are worn by Enjolras.

Grantaire lived in furnished lodgings very near the Café Musain. He went out, and five minutes later he returned. He had gone home to put on a Robespierre waistcoat.

“Red,” said he as he entered, and he looked intently at Enjolras. Then, with the palm of his energetic hand, he laid the two scarlet points of the waistcoat across his breast.

So yeah, it's actually Grantaire who wears red, at least canonically! I know their popular red/green color scheme comes from the musical, but it might be fun to reverse it sometimes...I think Enjolras would look great in a nice emerald green, and he'd be more likely to wear that, actually.

Why? A red waistcoat like would be a very obvious, in-your-face political statement--perfect for Bahorel, the other red waistcoat wearer, but Enjolras is actually a lot more reserved and less reckless than fandom sometimes makes him out to be. Wearing something that blatant isn't really his style.

The real question is, why does Grantaire, of all people, own one? Why has he read Prudhomme and the Social Contract and the Rights of Man?

Grantaire is not a super sympathetic character. He's a man of means, talent, intelligence...and he wastes those gifts and privileges on doing nothing, he has no aims in life, he does not aspire to do better or make the world better. He may be Enjolras's foil but I would also contrast him with Feuilly, who has spent his life dedicated to improving himself and the world despite the challenges he's faced. He's obnoxious to women, denigrates his friends for their beliefs, and is generally useless. He's given the opportunity to change and he squanders it. He's not so much cynical (because that's a belief) as he is indifferent, which is arguably worse. His indifference can certainly be read as symbolic within the group, their belief versus the apathy of the world.

But, layers upon layers...Grantaire does have a good heart hiding underneath all that. What I've been getting at all along here is that he does care; he may say he doesn't, he may even believe he doesn't, but he does, clearly, care. He says he hates mankind; he loves people. He says he scoffs at his companions; he admires them. He declares himself indifferent, yet he can't help but talk about the sufferings of the world.

Which isn't to say that simply caring absolves him of anything. Up to this point, he's still just been a useless layabout. What does absolve him (narratively speaking) is the first time, possibly the first time in his life, that he chooses to act. He chooses to take a stand. And this transfigures him, as Hugo says.

Grantaire had risen. The immense gleam of the whole combat which he had missed, and in which he had had no part, appeared in the brilliant glance of the transfigured drunken man.

At the last moment, he chooses to believe, and Enjolras finally accepts him.

One last thing: Grantaire never calls Enjolras "Apollo". Furthermore, he's actually the only one who couldn't have called him "Apollo". The only line where this nickname is mentioned is as follows:

It was of him, possibly, that a witness spoke afterwards, before the council of war: “There was an insurgent whom I heard called Apollo.”

Who could have called him that? Not Grantaire, he was fast asleep during the whole thing. So I choose to believe it was Prouvaire…he would.

[shesawriter39049]

|PRIVATE SHOW|M|

Pairing: Taehyung X Reader

SMUT/LIGHT ANGST

About-Just a casual lunch outing where Tae’s trying to do his job and your trying to get him off under the table with your shoe...nothing new!

OR- Tae and yourself are grabbing lunch at 71 Above, after checking out the last couple of venues for the company's end of the year Holiday party. While at said restaurant, it becomes a humbling reminder that the most important people in your life are essentially a secret...cute!

WC:5k

WARNINGS: Public sex -ish( A foot-job under the table) dirty talk, teasing, light edging, frontage (kinda), overstimulation, Tae comes in his YSL leather pants, mentions of Oral (Male receiving), Tae is somewhat submissive, whilst also being a little shit. “Baby boy/Good boy” Kink

DNA Era Tae meets 2020 Tae

Tae is her baby and also her Executive Assistant

He just wants to hold her hand tbh

NOTE: This is a stand alone smut drabble within my OT7 poly universe called “7 DEEP”. Short AU SUMMARY: Your husband Namjoon and yourself run a successful Adult Film Entertainment Company called “Onyx” with your 5 best friends from college who you also happen to be in an open relationship with! P.S. If you’re new here Kookie joins the party a little later….

_________________________________________________________

“So” Musing over your cocktail glass “Thoughts on the last place?”

Eyeing the man sitting across from you intently who’s clearly in the holiday spirit. Dressed in a deep red silk button-down, apparently, he’s taken a page out of Jimin’s book considering it’s barely buttoned, to begin with! Honestly, he’d be better off not even wearing one at all at this rate.

Smoky silver locks messily styled out of his face showcasing those bushy yet sculpted brows of his. One of your favorite past times has become watching Tae become more confident as he grows into himself. No longer finding the need to hide behind his long shaggy bangs, though you can’t; lie, you do kinda miss him looking like the puppy he truly is deep down. However this, version of Tae just hits different, your baby boy looks like a whole ass man and you’ll never get over it!

God the things you endlessly wanna do to him…..even after all these years....

You watch Tae sigh almost miserably over a mouthful of lobster mac which seems completely out of place considering the way the dish in question smells…“Honestly?”

Offering a curt nod, encouraging him to continue as you welcome yourself to his plate! The amount of cheese that’s trickling from your fork is actually disrespectful!

“It was cute, I liked how big the lot is, and more importantly how spaced out the spots are! You know how rich people get about people being too close to the damn cars!” Rolling his eyes as if he in he’s excluded from that category and you can’t help but scoff.

“Tae you technically are one of those people at this point. Just like...yesterday actually, you almost ripped Jackson’s balls off for bumping into your rearview mirror but carry on.” Flicking your fork in his direction, ignoring the sharp glare he sent your way in the process.

This time around I think both of his eyes managed to roll in different directions, again, Jimin’s wearing off on him! “Anyway, yeah, I don’t know, I liked the space, the exposed brick beams in the ceiling was cool. Kinda gave it a homey vibe which is fitting….”

You could hear it hanging off his tongue, he sounds very, “meh” about it, so you opt fil in the blank. “Butttt??”

“Butttt, I -It felt like...like I was forcing myself to like it…” Slouching down into his seat, features a little uneasy, as if him not liking the venue was a direct insult to the owner personally! You on the other hand you let out a bated breath that you weren’t even aware was being held, eyes wide shining with relief.

“Oh thank fuck” Hand slamming down absently along the table, “I thought it was just me, and I felt like such an ass too because-”

“They were so sweet” Came in unison, both of you almost cooing as you said it! Hands placed dramatically over your heart as you reclined against your chair.

“So sweet,” Tae parroted in a light pout,”I mean they were literally wearing matching loafers Y/n. Matching” Idly jading a fork into his side salad in a way that’s borderline concerning actually, a tad bit aggressive over there!

” But it just-I don’t know, I guess will always think like those broke college kids at heart” Flashing you a brief glowing smile that you can’t help but return, humming in agreeance.

“Which isn’t a bad thing, per say, the mentality definitely keeps us humbled! But there’s time and place for that attitude and honestly I just wasn’t feelin it! At least not in comparison to the others we’ve seen, it wasn’t fighting the vibe were going for. Regardless of how good the offer is” Shrugging over another mouth full of food and you there’s not much else for you to say because that was your consensus exactly.

Basically, once the two of you showed up, the cute little husband and wife duo offered you a deal which would essentially consist of them renting you the space for next to nothing. In exchange, they’d want you to post a couple of ads via your company and personal social media accounts as promo. Your initial thought outside of just thinking they were utterly adorable was how much money you’d save...but as Tae said, thankfully that’s not really a concern anymore, if you wanted you can get it!

Easily…discounts and barters aside, just a flick of the wrist and it’s yours!

“True, also can we just take a moment to talk about how aesthetically pleasing the Valentine was though?” Tossing your head back with a dramatic groan “I mean fuck you already know the way I feel about industrial spaces, the high, glass ceiling, all the greenery..” Eyes rolling to the back of your head with a slight moan…as you envision the space. Especially how moody and sexy the overall venue would look with thousands of lights cascading from the glass ceilings.

Clearly the venue was doing ....a lot for you right now!

Brow cocked at the blatant...enthusiasm surrounding the location in question “Mmm, well that’s something...interesting to add to the kink list, just when I thought I’d explored every avenue, but apparently not.” Voice low, teasing, head cocked to the side, a shit eating grin plastered along his lips, as he swirls his tongue along the tip of his straw in a way that’s……

“ I guess we’re adding “industrial spaces” to the list. Noted.” Smirking around his drink like the little shit he is!

Right, you may or may not have crossed your legs at the sudden drawl laced within his delivery but not before, kicking his shin with the tip of your heel, “You little shit” Rolling your eyes at the way he dramatically rubs the side of his leg, hitting you with straight puppy dog eyes as he pouts over at you as if you actually caused serious damage!.

Leaning forward a little so you don't have to try as hard to whisper, the notion has your breast essentially sitting on top of the table. Not that they weren’t already on full display in your dress or anything. Hand slipping beneath the table, landing on his kneecap. “What? Suddenly you don’t like a little pain?” Tone blatantly teasing whilst ghosting your nails agonizingly slow up his inner thigh, and his entire body goes rigid at the sensation. Tae’s always been extremely...

“God, your still so sensetive....” You weren’t intending for that to come out in the form of a moan but considering the one that fell from his lips in return...you ain’t mad about it! 100% dialed in to the way his eyes are fluttering, jaw tight, trying his damndest to play it cool, especially once the waitress makes eye contact silently asking if the two of you need anything. “Takes so little Hmm?”’

Flashing him a quick smile, waving her off for the time being, far too focused on another task to entertain anyone else right now!  Only stopping your ministrations once your fingers land right beneath his balls.

“This place is very well lit, I like the hue, it’s casting a good soft-light, especially the way it’s bouncing off your complexion...” Eyes cascading against the ceiling, tone casual, until your eyes drop....

“You’d look so fuckin good, coming for me right now...” The words purr off your tongue, flashing him a cheeky little wink, and poor Taehyung chokes on his martini!

“You know how much you love being watched...I could have you making a mess all over yourself and no one would even know. ” Not even trying to hide the smirk playing on your lips when you can already feel the tension in the room rise. “My own little private show...” Eyes wicked as your fingers wander a little higher, gently pressing your palm down around his dick. Rubbing tauntingly, the touch isn't enough through the thick leather, however it does instantly make his length swell in the confines of his pants! We all know this….underwear is nonexistent in Tae’s world! “Kinda brings me back to our college days...” Teeth sinking into your bottom lip at the mere memory...you getting Tae off whilst in the lecture hall full of 300 plus students. 

Regardless of the deer in headlights look flashing across his face his legs still spread apart, hips bucking forward because well as we just said...baby boy loves being watched. This however, prompts you to once again change positions, now digging your nails into the back of his thighs before letting the tips of your fingers tickle free. Coly bringing them back above surface to take another languid  sip of your drink, tossing a strand of hair over your shoulder.

Ya know, I can’t say you’re surprised by his reaction, baby boy can dish it but sure can’t take it, neck and chest flushing to rival his shirt! Banging on his sternum in an attempt to reroute the liquor burning his lungs.

“Jesus-fuc-Y/n!” You have the nerve to hum inquisitively, only this time for his sanity he humors you! “Can you like not go from asulting me to-” Looking over his shoulder before dropping his voice down to a whisper “Stroking my dick, and offering to get me off under the table, all in the span of a nanosecond!?” The plea hissed through clenched teeth but the complaint was half hearted at most! Well aware his dicks already throbbing in his pants at the thought alone! “Fuck me” Sucking in a harsh breath, as he raked his fingers through his scalp.

“Well…” Tonguing at your inner cheek, eyes fluttering away as if you were in deep thought… “In my defense you kinda started it, bringing up my kink list like I don’t own a whole ass porn company!” Propping your chin on your palm, gaze locked and loaded “Like I wasn’t thinking about tainting that sweet innocent couple by letting them watch as I dropped to my knees, letting you fuc-”

“Y/n!” He actually attempts to sound almost applauded, like he doesn’t love how absolutely filthy your mouth is. However there’s a silent little “please” playing on his tongue, no matter how threatening he tried to sound.

You giggled, straight up giggled, reclining in your seat, amused, and somewhat satisfied so you let him be, for the time being anyway. Though you may have eaten your angel hair pasta in a very obscene manner, every now and then you’d sinfully suck the noodles through your overly glossed lips! However, if he dared to clock you on it you’d just simply note that it was your way of not messing up your makeup….

The two of you finish your lunch in comfortable silence, making small talk here and there, a mixture of work and bullshit until Tae’s phone goes off with a couple text notifications.

A low hum rattling in the back of his throat as he eyes the message from Hoseok. Subconsciously Tae reaches across the table, intertwining your fingers before bringing your knuckles up to his lips. Grazing them with his lips casually as he scrolls through his phone.

“Alright  baby, so, I have a list ready, we have a couple brands that wanna work with us for the party. Seoks already narrowed it down to the ones that are actually worth discussing however-“

Honestly, it took both of you a minute to even realize what was going on, the skinship was second nature at this point. It wasn’t until his thumb grazed over your wedding band that the notion even resonated! Tae and yourself were a good two drinks in, feelin all warm and fuzzy and got caught up in the moment! Temporarily forgetting that you were in the middle of a restaurant in Downtown LA! Forgetting that the Kim currently caressing your knuckles and calling you baby is not the one you're technically married to! It may seem minor in retrospect, but you’ve always tried to stop yourselves from getting comfortable, with being comfortable in certain locations if that makes sense! You slip up one to many times and the next thing you know it happening in the office or on the red carpet!

Taehyung’s eyes grow almost comically wide, straight panic flashes over those big brown orbs of his and your heart sinks as you watch his head whip around, checking to make sure no one caught the interaction. It was almost painful how quickly he disconnected from you as his entire face dropped and no, just no!

“Hey...hey no it’s fine, it’s like 2 in the afternoon on a Tuesday! Not to mention we’re tucked in a booth in the corner ,we’re good, nobody heard or saw you…” Voice calm and quiet, trying to come off comforting, flashing him a weary smile. Reaching across the table to thumb at his palm, and it would be a lie to say you didn't also check over your shoulder before hand as well’

A dry almost bitter chuckle leaves his throat as he flinches away, tossing the fork down on his plate sliding it halfway across the table indicating he is more than done eating. Flicking the bridge of his nose with his index finger, jaw twitching, “Yeah, lucky me huh? I actually got to hold your hand for all of two seconds before we realized I’m techionally not allowed to do that unless were in fuckin I don’t know Alaska!” 

He’s agitated, and with every right to be, even if he is being a little dramatic. Thankfully he’s keeping his voice low, but you can feel how tight his throat is, the amount of grit laced within his tenor has your eyes bugging out of there socket.

“Bab- “ It was a reflex, whenever he’s upset it’s just what falls from your lips, and he gives you a look, almost as if to say “How fucking dare you” ! The level of hurt the pet name just rendered within his eyes is- 

Eyes sharp, brows furrowed “Noo, nooo, we literally just went through this. That’s not the way it works for us in this kinda setting” Flailing his arms around to reference the restaurant. “Wrong Kim” Well damn. “So it's Tae in public remember!?” Brow quirked accusingly, he’s abating this entire situation, almost like he wants you to snap, a second away from whisper yelling! “ Or maybe I should say Taehyung, hell  just use my full government while your at it. Let’s make it real impersonal, Mr. Kim maybe?” Head cocked to the side as if he’s being genuine and not a total smartass right now. 

You-he’s ...hurt, and you get that, hell you respect that, but Lunch at 71 Above is not the time or place for this conversation. You’re trying to approach this on a more rational level, however the condescending delivery is making it hard, and your only human. Eyes rolling to the back of your head before you can even catch yourself and that little gesture seems to be what officially set him off!

You can physically see the tension within his face... “I’m gonna go get some air, I might actually call a Uber or somethin,.” The words trailed off his lips low in mumbled but clear enough to be heard because that’s ultimately what he wanted to begin with. 

There was something in his eyes you couldn’t read, a combination of anger/hurt mixed another emotion you can’t quite pinpoint! But whatever it is, you fuckin hated it! Throat running painfully dry as watch him slide his chair out and even though realistically you know at max he’s headed home...Still the gesture alone is gut wrenching because you know this runs deeper than just this situation!

“Tae” His name leaves your throat as more of a warning, reaching up to take an almost possessive grip on his wrist. Fingertips landing on the edge of his Cartier bracelet, the one you're both wearing actually, same arm and all!

A deep labored breath shutters from his chest at the contact, thighs feelin like a newborn fawn, gaze hesitantly meeting yours. “Tae, baby” Daring to use the endearment again regardless of your current surroundings “Sit back down so I can order us dessert and we can discuss whatever you want...just-please” The ending whisked off your tongue so faint your almost wondering if he even heard you!

Taehyung narrows his eyes, teeth clenched, tongue nudging his inner cheek! “I’m not really in the mood for cake right now Y/n. To be honest I just wanna leave” You know he’s aiming for dry but instead he lands somewhere around defeated , which makes it even worse. You’re both well aware this is not truly about cake, it’s about his constant need to run away from shit!

Sliding your fingers down his wrist, interlocking your fingers, giving them a firm squeeze. Eyes locked with his “Then you can get whatever you want, but I need you to just be here right now, I really, really need you to sit here, and just breathe through this with me.”

He’s know what your really asking is for him not to run away for once!

A faint little “Whatever” Leaves his lips and then he’s dead silent, silent as he slides his chair out, remaining as such for what feels like hours, and it has your heart beating painfully hard against your ribcage. It’s almost like he’s not even here, eyes fixated on some random painting on the opposite side of the restaurant, chewing at his inner cheek until....

“I’m sorry…” He admits after a baited breath, stroking your palm with his thumb gently, you can see him working over his thought’s in his head before speaking. ”I can’t - fuck I never know when I’m going to get all in my feels with shit like this, sometimes it just sucks harder than others I guess” The curt little shrug that leaves his shoulders let’s you know how uncomfortable he is, Tae’s overall persona suddenly seems mounds smaller in this moment. Anxiously stroking the back of his own neck “But....I shouldn't have come at you like that! That was fucked on my behalf and for that I’m truly am sorry ! This isn't all on you, or Joon we all-”Gazing over his shoulder before continuing “There’s just- there’s a lot, we have families and it’s just, I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that, ...”

Dropping his voice a little lower “I just fuckin love you” There’s a timid smile playing on his lips “and if the offer still stands I would really fuckin like chocolate cake…”

You actually snort, that’s your first instinct because only Tae, but the plus is it lightens the mood  immensely! The sudden outburst triggers that full boxy grin to come into play and god your so damn  enamored by this man it’s actually sad. Bringing his knuckles up to your mouth, grazing them past your lips like he did yours moments prior. “I love you too, and chocolate cake sounds fuckin amazing, and liquor, we need new drinks, actually we need an entire bottle! ” You laugh and then so does Tae, suddenly your holding hands and laughing together and everything else just seems so miniscule in the moment.

~~~~~

So, here’s the thing...being a CEO of one of the top Adult film entertainment companies is not on the same level as like..I don’t know….

Owning a high-end clothing company, or being a reality star or something. Your field is praised just as highly as it is tabooed, so with that being said, it’s not like your the top topic on E-news, or on Business Digest. You still have a strong sense of normality, point blank you’re not that important. It’s not as common for outsiders to know the high rollers within the porn industry the way it is in other fields!

However there's another avenue to factor in where the 7 of you are concerned, and that’s the world of social media, and that’s a completely different world entirely! One that’s heavily intertwined in your state in particular, living playing, and working in LA….I mean let’s get real, shit not normal here, by any means!

You’re a 26-year-old wealthy CEO, that goes to work in a Ferrari, cute little bodycons, Louboutin's, and Chanel bags! Your executive assistant is Tae for fucks sake, he looks like a model his damn self , on the surface your life is an aesthetically pleasing wet dream. An influencer without even trying for the title, if your 2.7 million followers are at all telling! So in the public eye, especially when out in Downtown LA..you try to be discreet.

Just last week Jimin was hanging all over you while walking through Saks and one of your mutual followers stopped to ask for a picture. Again this isn’t a daily occurrence, you’re not comparing yourself to Rhianna, but it’s why you do move with a slight air of caution when in your city! You literally live in a place where people become famous for running into walls, nevertheless owning their own business!

The world knows you’re married to Namjoon, and to be honest there’s numerous reasons the other aspect of your dynamic stays hidden! More than just the obvious….

However there’s been rumors circulating over the years, or at least now that Hollywood’s decided you hold some relevance! Ones pertaining your your sexuality, typically the tabloids assuming it, insulating your swingers, or that Namjoon’s bi.  A Lot of these narratives circle back from your college days though, old classmates trying to slip tea to the media. Stories of when you could go to a party and it didn’t matter if you were sandwiched between Namjoon and Yoongi at the same damn time! Not to mention the dark side of social media where nothing ever truly dies, so yeah there are some questionable photos floating around. Luckily nothing recent enough to truly add fuel to the fire but you know deep down it’s only a matter of time!

One could argue it adds allure to the overall dynamic, especially considering your line of work, and maybe it wouldn’t matter if the boys were just casual thirds...but they’re not! They’re so much more than that and that’s what makes this hard, because well in laymen’s terms...people just fucking suck! So as heartbreaking as it is, where your other boys are concerned, in the public eye at least your “relationship” holds a strong air of mystery!

It’s the little things ya know? Like now for example, the fact that he could've easily gotten a foot job under the table but has to walk on eggshells about holding your hand at times! Shit just sucks sometimes, there’s no other way around it!

~~~~~~~

The two of you don’t really talk much until the dessert comes, more drinks and a bottle is in fact ordered as well! The silence felt a little more bearable this time around, busying yourselves on your phones. A very minor but significant change, is the fact that you still haven’t let go of his hand, even once the waitress returns. The simple notion has his entire dementor shifting! Fingers still tightly bound together and your chest flutters seeing the way he flushes almost bashfully at such minor PDA! Like the two of you didn’t hook up in the back of a club in London two months ago! Like you literally weren’t palming him under the table! Yet here he is blushing at openly holding your hand!

So fuckin cute!

Eventually two pieces of molten chocolate crepe cake gets brought over and holy fuck! Both moaning in unison as the pastry hits the table...

“Oh my goddd, we have to take a piece home for Jin, the like...convince him to learn how to make it!” You watch Tae’s eyes roll to the back of his head as he laces his lips around the fork! Groaning out in agreeance once the mixtures of pure sin hit his tongue.

“K...now back to , these sponsors...” Prompting over a mouth full of cake, not that you wouldn’t love to sit here and chill all day but you do have a 4pm conference call!

You watch as Tae glances down at your intertwined fingers, and his fork....realizing ones gotta go so he can pick up his phone and you physically coo back at him, melting into your set once he opts to drop the fork instead of your hand. Purposely avoiding your glance once he noticed the look on your face, nose scrunched and all!

“Right, so Uber reached out, more specifically Uber Luxxe, looking to send us 4 cars of our choice in exchange for a couple post. Spread out between IG, Twitter and Snap, I’m personally all for this one. The contract doesn’t seem excessive and I like that the post won’t feel forced! I mean realistically we were going to hire a driving service regardless! However something to also consider is our lack of filter when drinking! I mean...”Flailing his phone between the two of you as if to give an example, obviously referencing the little slip up moments prior. At least he can joke about it a little “So realistically, would we feel more comfortable with a private car service where there’s a contract involved as opposed to just some random?”

Tae just went full EA, out of nowhere and honestly ...

You blinked at him, almost dazed, fork halfway to his mouth because, what?! . “You sound so professional right now, it’s so fuckin hot.”

Tae choked on nothing but straight air before blushing profusely. “Baby-I mean-Y-“

You didn’t even flinch, continuing, unperturbed. “Nah, actually I think I’m in the mood to be baby right now!” Eying him wickedly “Your jaw just gets really tight, and your voice gets all low and raspy! It happens during meetings too, it’s really fuckin sexy! Reminds me of the way you sound when your lips are pressed into the side of my neck when we fuck.” It's just the casualness of it all, you sound like your ordering another appetizer and Tae’s about to choke on his dessert. 

The grip he has on your hand is almost painful right now, “But don’t mind me, I’m just sitting here writing out my next script in my head, carry on. What rental service did you have in mind? Or did someone already reach out as well?”

It’s the way you just went from talking about Tae, being balls deep to sponsorships all in the span of a comma! In the words of your best friend you are pure chaos.....

Tae groans  head hanging in defeat and your lips curl into a smirk, brow quirked in his direction.

“It’s the way I hate it here sometimes...” Snatching his hand away to jab his fork into the neglected pastry.

“Ah huh” You roll your eyes crossing your arms over your chest before leaning back. “Right, again let’s not act like you didin’t start this, both here and at the venue.” Leaning over the table again licking your lips “Don’t act like you weren’t eye fucking me the entire time, or the way you’d accidentally brush against me as we walked through the building. You’ve been practically begging for it all day.”

Tae just stares back at you, mind momentarily blank, stomach shifting into knots, letting the fork drop from those delicate fingers of his! Mouth opening and closing like a fish straight outta water...

“Did you think about it too? The acoustics in that place were fuckin insane, the way it would just echo through as you made me cum would just- fuck”  You continued adding that lethal little purr back into your voice! “Or even better the way you’d sound, you don’t even know how bad I wanted to drop-“

“Y/n”

“Baby.” Phrasing the word borderline as a threat “Would you have liked that baby boy?” Cocking your head to the side, tongue teasing your bottom lip “Me on my knees for you looking up at you all pretty, letting you hold my hair and fuck my throat until you came straight into my mouth?”

Speaking of mouths' your just straight fuckin-mayhem ...and it’s making Taehyung’s brain feel like it’s melting through his ears! But god should we be surprised though?

It’s never taken much with you....

You’ve always been just what he needs and a little bit more than he can take all in one! You haven’t even touched him yet and he feels a moan creeping up his throat! Especially as he watches you swirl the tip of your tongue over the whipped cream on the edge of your fork, sucking it between your overly glossed lips in the most obscene manner.

Eyes locked and loaded, a second away from drooling, “Fuck, yeah,” He stutters breath hitching on his lungs, heat coursing through his skin. Tae’s veins literally feel like they’re on fire, subtly trying to shift in his seat to readjust himself! Glancing subconsciously out of his peripheral, the restaurant still chill and half empty. The waitress on the opposite end of the room attending to another couple!

“You always look so damn good with my cock down your throat, and my cum on your tounge. God, especially when I wrap my hand around your throat and I can feel you swallowing down around my-” Your tongue’s swirling all over this damn fork, and he can feel every flick your tongue against his dick, and it’s just...fuck!  Not to mention once you accidently spilled some whipped cream on your lips, which you took your time licking off as well.  “Jesus-Fuck, Y/n!!” Taehyung’s voice is dripping with arousal, and you already know he’s leaking all over the place.

“Yeah?” Humming around the form before setting it to the side “ You like the way I look when I’m chocking on your cock?” These questions are all rhetorical, your an ass “Or how about when I get a little messy because I can’t fit it all in my mouth?” Your eyes darken, words coming out over low gasps of air, almost as if your just as aroused as he is and that’s because you are!

“Your always such a good boy for me, so helpful too holding my hair back, guiding my mouth until you hit the back of my throat...holding me in place until I gag. You know how much I love when you get rough with me ..” Tae feels the sole of your red buttons tease up his thigh, shifting between his legs. The transition was so damn smooth it catches him off guard, instinctively wanting to push away but instead...

“You’d be loud for me too wouldn’t you? Show them how good you look falling apart for me, how good you look when you come down my throat....The way your eyes roll-”

“Holy-fuck Baby” Aggressively running his palms over his face until it’s matching his shirt “Please don’t do this to me right, now, if your gonna give it to me then fuckin let me have it but I cant-.”

You can’t help but smile back at him, so fond it almost seems out of place in the moment. “I’ll give you whatever you want Tae...you know this. You just gotta promise you’ll be good for me, we can’t draw-”

“I’m always good” He damn near growled at you, eyes daring you to say otherwise and well, who were you to deny Tae of what he wants!?Gently pressing your foot at the base of his cock, a satisfied smirk playing on your lips upon feeling that your boys already fully hard.

It’s the way the two of you are just casually in one of LA’s boujeiest restaurants and your deadass about to give him a foot job in Louboutin’s! Yup, your life had turned into a porno,  you’ve officially made it!

“Kay, so back to that list of sponsors, first off I completely agree, as much as I love our contact at Uber I’d prefer an actual car service for something like that.” Here you go again the queen of the switch up, you’re back to discussing work yet there’s still a slight moan in your tenor. Breathy and light and Tae feels like all the airs being sucked from his lungs.

Tae shifts, spreading his thighs even further, shuddering out a bated breath as you point your toe, dragging it up and down! It’s a peep-toe so that alone allows you a little more flexibility! Pressure intentionally light so it’s just enough to have him on the brink of begging! But instead of doing so, he picks up his phone, hands shaky and all and continue doing his job as requested!

“Right..” Clearing his throat not sure why he currently sounds like he’s going through puberty again but K...  “I’ll let Hobi know, maybe we can do something we’re we use them while planning this party or something! Since you vetoed a party planner will have a lot more running around to do! Realistically outside of Joon and Jin we all have coupes anyway...so it’s not like we can carry much!”

Mmm, always the innovator, even when all the blood and airs being rushed to his dick! You feel him try and slide forward, chasing after the stimulation.

“Ohhh, I really like that, and like you said it still feels somewhat organic because realistically our cars aren’t efficient for something like that”  You press down harder against his cock almost as a reward “Good boy, what’s next?” Nodding towards his phone and it takes every ounce of self control he had to swallow down the moan laying on his tongue.

Eyes struggling to stay ajar as you continuously rub your foot up and down his length. Now applying more prominent pressure with the ball of your feet! Movement stealth from the waist up so you don’t draw attraction to yourself.

“Tae Tae” The nickname falls from your lips singsong like, and far too innocent for the demon seed you are. “Next?”

He doesn't even know what to really do except follow instructions, so he just nods, scrolling through his phone. “There was also a couple brands wanted to oh fuck-“ Gasping as you pick up your pace, damn near dropping his phone into the plate beneath him.

Face splitting into an amused grin, a hint of something wicked playing on your lips. Eyes gleaming with mischief, you watch those long, delicate fingers flex, clearly struggling this time around to bite back the moan like he needs to! Hands shaking as your continue working him at a merciless pace. Rubbing faster, harder, utilizing the rounded point on the head of your heel to press right against what your assuming is Tae’s tip by the way he shudders. Thighs shaking as he grips the edge of the table for dear life!

“Oh my godddd” Tae manages to just mouth the words as opposed to screaming them the way he desperately wants too. Tugging on his own scalp, trying to just do something to get himself busy!

“You fuckin love this....” It’s not even a question, more of a consensus!

Your eyes haven’t left his once, watching intently as you swirl your tongue around the straw before taking a sip. Moaning around it because well ya know, the drinks just that damn good apparently.

God his skin feels like it’s on fire, every stroke of your foot has him feeling like he’s coming undone!

He’s trying to focus, on his surroundings, this damn list everything but he can’t he just fucking can’t! Thankfully it’s you, and he trust you with everything he has, so his subconscious is somewhat at ease with all of this because he knows you got him!

“Yeah,fuck yeah you already know you can do anything to me” He states plainly, the most stable his voice has sounded in god knows when “Whatever you want” Gaze heavy through hooded lashes, looking straight at you with steady sinful eyes.

“Mmm, and always want it don’t you baby? Always...:”

He bites back a moan nodding, and then his phone rings, of course his phone fucking rings and it’s coming from the office because why the fuck not?!

“Answer” The command was simple, clearly no room for debate and hs eyes go wide,

“Baby” Complaining with a hint of a whine in his voice and when you don’t seem to give a damn....

“Yeah?”Jaw tight, nostrils flared as he picks up the phone. Adrenaline flies through his veins, pressure building in his gut as you relentlessly keep your pace intact! Pressing harder and deeper into all the right places until he’s coughing around Moans to try and cover it up!

Dropping his head slightly, propping it on his elbow as he squeezes the bridge of his nose between his fingers. “ Welp, That's where it would be so if you don’t see any were out, email me a list and I’ll make a Amazon-“

Taehyung’s chest heaves painfully tight, breathing becoming more erratic with every stroke and yes clearly there’s a strong voyeurism kink within this man! So as crazy as it may sound , the combination of the restaurant, and this phone call ?!

Yeah, he’s not gonna last!

Slouching down completely against the back of the booth, thighs spreading to full capacity. Fingers tangled in his Smokey locks holding his bangs out of his face. Eyes shut , jaw tight, neck slightly reclined, though to the naked eye he’d just appear to be on a very unpleasant phone call! When in all actually he’s finally just letting himself fall apart beneath your touch!

Eyes fluttering open just enough to glance down at you in a way that had you feeling like you could come right with him. Your gaze is Just as heavy as his, lips darting out to wet your lips though your throats suddenly what’s running dry!

Tae’s lips part slightly, though he’s falling apart he’s giving it right back to you. Hitting you with those sinfully needy fuck me eyes! The same ones you see when your riding and edging him until he’s coming tenfold! His breathing comes stagnate every time your foot moves and Tae finds himself gnawing down on his bottom lip to stifle the moans sliding up his chest! You can tell who's on the other end now, it’s the new secretary Alanna, and she legitimately is still getting her footing! Which is the only reason Tae is even entertaining the call, well one of the reasons!

You notice Tae’s breathing is starting to even out a little almost as if he’s gained some of his self control back and we don’t support that in this household.  So you proceed to dig your foot right into the head of his cock and he straight wheezes! Body jerking off the wall and all ...

“No, I’m, fuck-“ There’s a moan that finally falls freely off his tongue that only barley seems acceptable because he in fact just choked! Voice coming out what feels like a octave lower and huskier , poor Alanna! “Yeah i'm good sorry , food just went down the wrong pipe.” He can barely think straight but he knows he needs to close this up “Hey look will be back within the hour and will sort it out then alright?”

I don’t even think he even waited for her to respond before hanging up and literally throwing his phone across the table! Gucci case and all.

“Everything okay? ?” Voice low and teasing, he knows you're technically asking about the office but your timing sucks ass!

“Fuck you” Falls off his lips in a barley audible moan, so consumed as his orgasm builds in the pit of his stomach! Eyes still struggling to stay open mouth, mouth falling slack, if your were in your right mind you’d tell him to pull it together alittle! Now that he’s off the phone, he either looks like he’s getting a foot job, or like he’s high on meth! Neither are appealing to the GP! God, he must look utterly ridiculous right now, thankfully he’s shifted against the booth so he’s facing a wall as opposed to other guest!

“Mm, my pretty baby’s close yeah?” Watching how heavily his throat bobs as he swallows, Tae’s leaking precum all over the damn place, so, close hips gently rocking into your foot as discreetly as possible, growing more desperate by the second. Fuck he needs to come, he needs to!

“Yeah baby please don’t- fuck” God he sounds so good, so needy and pliant and fuck!  

“I got you...” At that you actually kick your shoe off, moving back to press down even harder, rubbing and rubbing forcing Tae to attempt to grab his drink in attempts to muzzle himself. However his hands are shaking too hard and  he almost knocks it over!

“God baby I’m-“

“Be a good boy for me”

And he is, coming with a shuddering breath, under the steady pressure of your foot as his release tears through his veins. Dropping his to the table as subtly as possible(Hell maybe people will think he’s tipsy or not feeling well), thighs shaking, chest heaving painfully hard. He’s not completely silently but he does a lot better than expected, a low groan manages to slip past his lips.

“Good boy” The praise rolls off your tongue and goes straight to his dick, as if he needed anymore stimulation there. Another faint whimper falls off his lips until he’s drooling all over the table. Not even realizing initially, that his hips were still grinding into you until he’s hissing from oversensitivity! The force of his orgasm has Taehyung drawing straight blanks, hearing nothing but white nose rustling in the background!

Also, I don’t know what that says about Tae as a person but he’s not even remotely humiliated! The only thing that he’s about to regret once his mind's less foggy is how absolutely drenched his YSL leather pants are!

So busy trying to get his breathing back in check as he comes down from his high, he completely missed the way you’d signaled to the server. Calmly asking for her  to add 8 more slices of cake to go, and bring the bill over!

His face is flushed, his pants feel gross as hell but above everything else he feels so damn good! Reaching down to still your foot, gently massaging the top as his eyes finally flutter open! Vision still a little hazy as he looks back at you with a dazed smile, and your gazing back at him with so much fondness that the first thing that slurs off his lips in a whisper is....

“I fuckin love you!”

Flashing him a wink in return as you make eye contact with your servers whose letting you know she’ll be over in a moment. Keeping your foot stationary for a moment, enjoying the well deserved foot massage. Occasionally flexing your toes to “accidentally brush against his dick. Giggling around your drink every time he'd hiss and jerk away!

This entire lunch situation was a damn mess, and high key reckless but, the blissed out smile written all over his face is more than worth it. Where just ugh...not gonna tell the boys about this!

“Love you too Tae”

~~~~~~~~~

Everything from that moment on kind of feels like a blur honestly, up until the two of you sliding into your car and before you can even get yourself settled he’s on you! Yanking you out of your seat and into his lap before you can even put your seatbelt on which obviously is not ideal this is a sports car after all but you don’t dare complain! Taehyung’s far from shy with his wants, griping the back of your neck, sliding his fingers through your hair as he presses your lips together! He doesn’t try to ease you into it either It’s hard, hungry, desperate and overtly needy! Forcing both of you to huff out a staggered breath through your nose to even keep up! You breathe him in, and he breathes you out, it’s all open mouthed, and heady, an obscene amount of moans rolling off your tongues. Reclining your jaw, giving him free reign to explore your mouth. Tongue rolling against your slick and languid with years of finesse between the two of you. No matter how hard he’s kissing you it still doesn’t feel rushed, its deep, borderline sensual actually!

Tae pulls back just enough to nip at your bottom lip, dragging his across your jaw and down the side of your neck! Licking sucking and biting, along your skin, moaning at the way you arch and grind your hips into every touch! The two of you carry on like that until there’s suddenly something thumbing in the back of your throat!

“Hey..” There's a slight sternness within your voice that has him instantly trying to snap out of his postcoital haze. Stroking the hinge of his jaw “You know, how much I love you right? And if, we need to all sit down a re-”

Cutting you off with the smooth glide of his lips pulling you into a kiss that’s a slower, less needy, there’s no ulterior motive, Tae just wants to feel you “Nah, I don't wanna change anything sometimes- I just want-”

“I know...” Because you do, pressing your forehead to his, not even kissing just letting your breaths melt as one. Massaging his scalp gently, he already looks like he’s a second away from passing out! Pondering if maybe the two of you should switch places...

“Promise you’ll let me take care of you later” Tae nuzzles against the side of your face like a puppy wanting his ears scratched! Believe it or not he wasn’t always such a selfless lover, not until he found you guys! Now it’s almost like his orgasms feel incomplete if he’s the only one coming once it’s all said and done!

“You can do whatever you want to me Tae, you know this.” Placing a couple lingering kisses on those pouty lips of his before hesitantly shuffling into the passengers seat. Transfixed on the way he slips back into his lane, fixing his hair, pulling out his oversized cat eye frames to rest on the bridge of his nose. One hand on the wheel the other finding there home on your thigh. Noting the slight discomfort as he shifts in his seat, no doubt due to the fact that well, he just came in his pants.

“How about..” Leaning over to place a open mouth kiss right beneath is ear, digging your nails into his thigh until he moans.  “ I clean you up a little on the drive, and we pit stop at mine, and we drop you off first so you can shower and chill. Then me and Joon will come back and crawl into bed with you after were done for the day..”

“Am I being given the rest of the day off Mrs. Kim?” You can already hear the smirk in his voice without even looking...

“Yes Mr. Kim that would be correct....” Already working the zipper before he can even respond because you already know how this is about to pan out...

___________________

Hi my babies, first off IDK where this came from, I also wouldn’t consider it my best, but it was the first thing I’ve written in like 6 months which felt good. This was supposed to be up back in December I had a couple holiday prompts for the series that I never got around to completing ! But If you enjoyed show this some love and come talk to me!

Love always,

Rocki

[fandom-blackhole]

Sinful Sunday!

AN: Nothing much to put here other than I am sorry I didn't do ships last night like I thought, I ended up babysitting later than I thought I would and I had to finish these two thots up. Other than that enjoy!

Sinful Sunday Masterlist

Pairings: Modern!Boba Fett x College Student!Reader, Merman!Din Djarin x Lighthouse Keeper!Reader

Modern!Boba Fett x Reader

We got another sexy Boba THOT babes, but be warned this does really highlight the older male x younger female relationship, mostly because this one is purely self indulgent. So I guess, warning older Boba and reader in college....

The first you had met Boba is when some average Chad had started annoying you at a popular bar among college students. You had tried everything to get him to leave you alone, to the point of turning your back on him, which was obviously a mistake when you felt his hand slither along your waist and attempt to grope you. But he was stopped short when he was ripped away from you by none other than Boba himself, who immediately shoved him out of the bar, before returning to you to ask if you were alright, and to tell the bartender to put your drinks on his tab, with a secretive chuckle. You didn't know it then, but Boba was the owner of the bar. And you also weren't expecting for that one time thing to turn into you taking him home a year later on spring break to meet your parents. You were nervous at how your parents would react to the age difference, but things had gone over well, and Boba quickly won over both of your parents much to your glee.

But Boba was devious, and you shouldn't have expected more. So when the two of you had down time you found yourself sitting on your bed between his legs leaning against his chest while watching a movie on your laptop, as you parents sat doing the same, just a wall away.

When you felt Boba's hands wandering, you didn't think much of it at first, but then you felt his touches increasingly become more and more sure in their paths and his lips grazing your neck and up to your ear. Giving out a small whine when he brushes over your breast and gave it a squeeze he whispers huskilu in your ear, "Lets test how quiet you can be little one. Let's see if I can make you cum without your parents catching on, hmmm? How does that sound princess?"

Whinpering quietly as Boba presses his hand against you through both you panties and sweat pants, you bucked your hips up giving him the confirmation he wanted. Boba wasted no time at all in diving his hand underneath both you underwear and sweats and going straight for the spot he knows makes you scream with his thick fingers. It took everything in you not to shout at the immediate pleasure he thrust upon you and you could do nothing to cover up the gasp you released when he dug his palm into your clit making your eyes roll back in pleasure.

"Oh little one, you better be quiet or someone is going to realize what I am doing to you," he chuckles as he kisses your neck and just continues with his absolute torturous onslaught of pleasure. Biting your lip you throw your head back onto his shoulder as your orgasm starts approaching you quickly and you whimper out his name softly before biting your lip.

Boba just shoves his spare hand up your shirt and into your bra to play with your breast as he starts to slam his fingers into that spot hard, over and over and over ond over, until you can't tell which way is up and which way is down. You grip his forearm and start bucking your hips up into his hand making your clit rub against his palm even more, and before you know it your orgasm is washing over you as Boba continues to press you through it.

When you finally come down from the height of pleasure Boba thrust you into, you found him lacking his fingers clean with a groan, saying, "Such a good girl for me princess. For being so quiet and good, tonight I will reward you with my cock."

Merman!Din Djarin x Reader

Okay, @moodsworks you did this to me with the perfect and cute Merman!Din drawing you posted because I cant stop thinking about it. (Also im tagging you because I thought you may like to read it 🥺👉👈) oh and I don't know the first thing that comes to lighthouses and upkeep so don't come for me lol....

Living in and working the lighthouse could be lonely at times, but you enjoyed the solitude and privacy that came with living at least 45 minutes from the closest town. Not that the people of said town were in anyway rude to you, infact when you first moved into your job as lighthouse keeper they had welcomed you with open arms and thanked you for filling the position. Many of the women in town had husbands that worked on boats that sailed and fished in the area and when you came to town they always made sure you had everything you needed at a very large discount that you fought everytime, but was secretly thankful for considering your pay wasn't exactly the best and mainly went towards other needs you had for the lighthouse.

You took two monthly trips to town, and both times you would leave early enough that you could go and have a warm breakfast at the small diner just on the edge of town. Every time you walked through the doors you were always met with the largest table in the building-- which honestly only sat 10 to 12 people -- full of the older couples in town having coffee and gossiping about the town. The first morning you had stumbled into the small restaurant at this early time they had invited you to join them and you had kindly accepted. They all had pitched in to pay for your food which you thanked them profusely for, and they chatted with you as you ate. They each took turns being nosey and asking questions about you, but you didn't feel the need to hide so you answered each question honestly. Then, one of the eldest women at the table turned to you and asked, "Have you heard the rumors or tales of that lighthouse, darling?"

When you only shook your head she grinned and continued, "Well, the legend here in town is that the place is haunted by sea creatures of the nefarious kind. They say that those beasts constantly sabotage and wreak havoc constantly on that lighthouse, and that they are the reason no keepers stay at that post for longer than a year."

You had only smiled and shook your head in response with a small chuckle, quickly dismissing the superstitions away. You had already been there a month and nothing odd other than thick fogs had happened.

You had been there three months by the time you started hearing the odd splashes at night, splashes that certainly didn't sound like the waves crashing on rocks. You had dismissed it again thinking it to be the migrating whales that you were told come through this time of year.

It would only be a few weeks later that your next curiosity would happen. This time you were up looking out the windows at the very top of the lighthouse watching as the sun was setting. You had just turned to leave, when out of the corner of your eye you saw a large figure jump from the water. Whipping your head around the creature had already disappeared back into the water. You waited and watched the water for a few minutes, confused  and curious because whatever it had been had been too small for a whale. It was more of the size and shape of a dolphin, though longer than one? When nothing appeared again you shook your head and went down into the lighthouse just assuming the solitude was playing tricks on your mind.

By the time the next oddity started happening you had completely forgotten about the other two, and almost three months had passed. This time it sounded as if rocks were being thrown that the lighthouse at night, and hard. The next morning when you had gone to investigate you had been shocked and angered when you found softball sized rocks scattered around and the red paint chipped and ruined along the side of the lighthouse base. You had marched inside and searched for the paint in order to fix the damage and made plans to go to the town tomorrow and ask about, assuming it was just rebellious teenagers. It took all day to find and paint over the spots, while stopping for water breaks because of the heat that was beating down onto you. When you finally went to bed that night you were satisfied with your handiwork and ready to hit the hay, expecting to be up early in the morning for a trip to town. Only you were woken up later, much later, by the sound of rocks being flung at the lighthouse again. Angered, you checked the time, seeing it was 3 am, before running outside to catch the culprit red handed, only to make short eye contact with what you swore was a human head that had quickly disappeared under the water just as quickly as you had spotted it. In a daze you had walked back into the building trying to wrap your head around what you had seen. The next morning you had gone to town, and just brushed off what you had seen the night before as just a dream. You had gotten up later than you had wanted, so when you made your trip to town you had completely skipped the diner and headed straight to the farmers market that you knew was open on the town square. You had purchased a few items and stuck them in the large bag you carried, and was walking away from a stall when you ran into the elderly woman again. She had smiled and asked to walk with you and you had tiredly agreed. She had completely shocked you when she spoke up as the two of you were at a stall looking through some homemade breads.

"The incidents have started, haven't they? The odd noises and little damages around the place? I can tell by just how tired you look darling." Speechless you had only gaped at her, shocked when she looked up and smiled at you before laughing and saying, "Oh hun, you can't live as long as I have here without picking up a thing or two. And since I like you, I'll give you a small tip, leaving lobster and clams out on the rocks always seem to calm the creature down, but never leave oysters, they do NOT like those," she finished with a chuckle. The two of walked in silence to the next couple of stalls and on the last one, which coincidentally was the fish stall, the woman paid for your items with a mischievous smile when she noticed that your items included several clams and a singular lobster.

That evening you left the lobster on the large flat rock that hung over into the water, before going inside to do your chores before bed. For the first night in a couple of days, you slept completely through the night and woke up fully rested early the next morning. When you had done a survey of the water looking for anything unusual you had noticed the lobster was still there, but it was only the shell which was ripped to pieces.

After that night, you started continuously leave some kind of offering out on the rocks for whatever creature had been troubling you, and it seemed to work whatever creature had been bothering you before had seemed to be sated with your offerings.

This went on for months, and before you knew it the weather was turning colder and the that meant snow storms and more late nights watching for ships. You didn't mind it at first, and honestly it just peaked your curiosity thinking you might catch the culprit you had been leaving offerings for. But as the nights went on you found that whatever it was knew when you were watching and only came for the offerings when you left your post for quick breaks, like going to the bathroom or refilling your mug with your hot drink of the night. 

Then one night you were shocked out of the slight doze you had fallen into by a shout. Panicked you stood when you heard the deep voice again and looked around to see where the sounds was coming from, and that is when you spotted a dark figure out on the flat rock holding something small in his arms. Hurriedly you rushed down the stairs and grabbed your lamp before rushing out to the rock where the figure was shouting. You still look back and wonder how you didn't slip and crack your head with how fast you ran out there, let alone how you ran out there without thinking of the dangers. But in the moment you could only register the helplessness that sounded in the deep voice that kept shouting until you came into sight. You had only taken a second to be taken aback by the man...merman? You couldn't see all of him but from the quick, and confusing, glance you took of him showed his curling wet deep brown hair and eyes and scales shimmering in a steely silver color. But you didn't focus on him long when you notice the small green shape curled in his lap, the small creature clearly injured and it broke your heart when it let out a pained whimper as it lifted its tiny head to look at you. You were broken from the tiny creatures gaze by the man speaking up, "He's injured, can you help?"

You only took a second to take in the way his eyes shined in the lamp light, before you took a step closer you watched the man tense and wrap his arm around the small injured creature defensively, so you cautiously raised a hand and said soothingly, "Please, I do want to help, but I need to get closer to get a better look him..." You waited for the man to relax a little before you took another step forward, and then another and you slowly approached him before kneeling before him and holding your hands out asking, "May I?"

Reluctantly he pulled his arms away and you reached forward. It didn't take long to find the deep gash along his tiny arm. Carefully you looked up at the man, who was staring at you closely watching your every move. Taking a deep breath you looked him in the eye said said, "I can help him, I have first aid training enough to fix injuries like this......." then you trailed off knowing he would not like what you would say next. Then you watched his eyes narrow and study you as he asked, "But?"

Gulping, you sigh and respond, "But I need to take him to the lighthouse where all my supplies are and where it is light enough that I can see what I am doing.... Also for an injury like this, I will need to watch him for at least a week, just to make sure everything heals right."

The man watched you for a few seconds, before slowly saying, "But you can help him?" When you nod in response he carefully hands the small creature to you and as you stand and go to grab your lamp, you turn to him and ask a question, only to find him struggling to pull himself onto the rock completely to, you can only assume, follow you.

"What in the world are you doing?!"

"Where ever I go he goes, and where ever he goes, I go," he grunted out as he strained and pulled his long body to follow you. Sighing in exasperation as well as concern, you blurted out, "Listen, let me go get him situated and stabilized. Then I can come by with my car so you aren't dragging yourself, and most likely injuring yourself." He was hesitant, but he agreed after glancing at the small being in your arms. So after throwing him a quick, I'll be right back, you rushed back to the lighthouse.

Once inside you gently laid the small injured creature softly on the kitchen towels that you had folded earlier and had not put away. Then you ran to grab the large red first aid box from under the bed before returning. Inside you quickly grabbed everything you needed and quickly set to work. You worked quickly and carefully, and it felt like no time before you had the wound sutured back together. Not wanting to leave what you could only assume to be a sleeping, injured infant on the counter you reached over to your sink and filled it with warm water and added sea salt, before carefully lowering the child into the water. Once you confirmed that the young creature was okay and peacefully asleep you ran to your car and drove it as close to the rock as possible, only to find the merman clenching his jaw and dragging himself along the small pathway. When you jumped out of the car you leant down to help him while chastising him.

"I told you to wait, what would you have done if you injured yourself?"

"You took too long."

Hearing the finality in his voice, and also the concern, you let it go and quietly helped pull him into the back of your car.

Once again back at the lighthouse, you told him to wait while you went and got something. When you returned you had a large blanket, which you laid on the ground and told him to lay on, because it you make it easier to pull him inside. Grunting he did as told, and while it took you awhile to pull his weight, once you were on the slick floors of the lighthouse, you were able to get him to the kitchen in no time to show him...his child?

You let them be for a second ad you put the blanket away, but as you watched the man's face calm down after seeing g with his own eyes that the young child was safe and taken care of. When he heard you reenter the kitchen he slumped to the floor and whisper, "Thank you, we had no where else to go, and you have always treated us kindly so you were the only one I could think of to help."

"It was nothing, I am glad I could help. But... what do you mean by kind to you? This is the first time we have met?"

He then looked you in the eye and said, "But you leave us food, even after he wrecked the red flakes on your home."

"Well I feel bad now, because I was only leaving a little food out there. There us no way it is enough for both of you!"

"It has always been enough for Grogu, and that is all I can ask for."

"Wait, are you hungry? I have tones of clams if you are, and from the looks of it, Grogu?" you ask hesitantly only for him to nod, "will be asleep for awhile, if you would like to eat and rest?"

He sits there for a minute before saying, "It has been a long day...."

Smiling, you go to the fridge and pull out a large bowl of clams that you sit next to him before taking a seat across from him on the floor.

" If those aren't enough, I have more in the freezer that I can thaw out for you?"

He shook his head and replied, "This is plenty, thank you."

You sat in silence as he broke open and ate his food for a few minutes before you spoke up again, "Sorry to interrupt your meal, but I know what to call your little one, but do you have a name you would like me to call you?"

You watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed, and then he looked you in the eye and said, "My name is Din....but I must ask you to only use it when we are alone."

Nodding you smiled and waited for him to finish eating, but once he got halfway through the bowl your brain finally caught up to the confession he had given earlier.

"Wait a second. Grogu? That small little creature? HE through those stones at my lighthouse?! How?!"

[quirklessidiot]

Title: filthy rich [2/3]  Pairing: millionare!sakusa kiyoomi x y/n [filthy capitalist au] Genre: mild romance themes, major angst ahead, a bit of mystery, mafia!au-ish

Synopsis: He was perfect, maybe too damn perfect.

Warnings: mild sexual content, yandere themes, toxic relationships, violence, shady business, class differences, mentions of rape, and sakusa being a manipulative bastard [this fic does not in any way glorify these types of relationships!!!] Notes: Happy 605 followers guys! Decided to change this into a three part fic since it would be too damn long....I know this is a long overdue chapter hnnng i fucking hate college i cant wait to see sakusa in the new season, how was it guys? I was absolutely thrown off by akaashi even if he only had like a minute or so screentime hnnng...

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Sakusa Kiyoomi reminded you of an onion.

Over the past three years of going out with him, you seem to find a new layer to him. No longer was he the asshole from that day, he was the sweetest boyfriend, hands down. You were both a bit awkward in terms of affection since you two were treading on unfamiliar territory (much to your surprise, a man like Sakusa Kiyoomi has never been seriously intimate with anyone) but like every other couple out there, you surpassed it. You were now in the receiving end of his soft smiles, warm gaze, and affection.

Although you had your worries like your residency and his company growing bigger and bigger by the day, you started to wonder if you’d last long but the man casted your doubts aside and continued to be faithful to you and everyday you seem to fall deeper and deeper in the rabbit hole.

“...and for the last time, stop buying me expensive things and offering to pay my student loans.” you frowned, stirring the Butajiru for your boyfriend who was coming by today for dinner. Out of spite, early on in the relationship, you had to learn how to cook since Sakusa demanded you to when he learned that you lived a lot on canned foods and unhealthy take-outs. Much to your despise, he even volunteers to pay for your weekly groceries and even got you a ‘for sale’ stove that he apparently can’t return because he misplaced the receipt.

“I don’t get it, don’t partners like it when they’re given gifts all the time?” his brows are upturned, making you scoff. “From past experiences-”

“Are you sure that those weren’t sugar babies?” you cut him off, pointing the wooden spoon on your hand at him, “Because from your description you sound like a sugar daddy.”

“Hey.” He grumbled, walking up to you from behind to envelope you on a hug, “I’m not old enough to be a sugar daddy.”

You shut the stove off and turn to him, placing a brief kiss on the jaw, “You yell at teenagers and complain when it’s too noisy. I think you qualify for a senior discount and a sugar daddy title.” You joked, escaping his grip to grab some bowls so you both could start eating.

“You’re only four years younger than me.”

“Mhm.” You hummed, sticking your tongue out, “Also, aren’t you supposed to be at a party tonight?”

“You weren’t there.” 

“Aren’t you required to go?” You frowned, placing the bowl in front of him, “You know I’m not a big fan of those things and you can’t keep handing it over to Komori-san…”

“And you know I hate it when you aren’t there.” He softly repeated.

You roll your eyes and place your own bowl as you sit in front of him, “Always the smooth talker since we met three years ago.” you shake your head.

“Three years, huh.” Sakusa paused, “Speaking of three years, I was thinking…”

You stopped eating and looked up to face him, his face dead serious, “Move in with me.” He asked out of the blue. Your eyes widen and you let down a gulp, your stomach flipping at his words.

“I-” You paused, “I...I can’t…”

Sakusa tilted his head, confused, “What?”

“Don’t get me wrong…” You started, eyes looking at your food, seemingly nervous, “I-I wanna move in with you, my lease is almost up...but…”

“But what?”

“It’s not like I wasn’t going to tell you any sooner but….but i’m moving.”

Silence filled the room that you could almost hear the pin drop, “What do you mean you’re moving?” Sakusa’s voice was void of emotion and it made you scared for the first time. The man wishes you were wrong, wishing that you were just moving someplace nearby but the next words stun him.

“I got accepted for a huge humanitarian work in Medaide.” You gulped, carefully choosing your words as you slither your hands to his, trying to distract him, “We'll be travelling around third world countries, like the dream I've always told you about. I thought, well, I didn't got accepted since I didn't hear from them but it seems like I did.”

“How many months?”

“It’s- It’s a permanent job, I go back once a year…”

Silence enveloped the room, the only thing that could be heard was the faint sound of the bustling city outside. The world seems to have stopped for Sakusa that time.

“Congrats.” Sakusa smiled softly, breaking the silence, “I’m proud of you, bunny.”

Your eyes widen as you immediately leap out the chair and run to your boyfriend’s side, “Thank god!” you exclaimed, sitting on his lap to envelope him in a hug, “I was afraid you’d break up with me.”

You stare at him in the eye, hands on his cheeks, “Now why would I do that?”

“I don’t know, we’d only be seeing each other once a year if i accepted it.” You murmured, kissing him on the temple, “Thanks for being so supportive.”

You don’t notice how his grip tightens a bit on your waist nor the darken look looming over his features, “I’d never let you go, bunny. Never.” he hummed.

You continue on with your little happy bubble with your ever supportive boyfriend, you start shopping for some goodies for your trip that you were scheduled to leave next month. You should’ve known everything was too good to be true. 

A week before your trip, the company had called you in and said that you were cut off from the team and that apparently your experience wasn’t enough.

You vividly remember Sakusa rushing to your side mid-day when he should be swamped with work, whispering soothing words in your ear. You were absolutely devastated, the dream job you wanted felt like it slipped away, it took you a month to get back to your feet and actually go out. Despite getting over it, you were discouraged, the words they said echoed on your head, thoughts on how you weren’t performing well back  in med school and how your record on residency wasn’t enough.

“Y/N?”

“Oh.” you blinked, looking up to your boyfriend, “Sorry, I spaced out.”

“It’s alright.”

It seemed like the only constant thing in your life now was Sakusa, your friends were busy and they had come and gone, you didn’t want to worry your very busy parents so you didn’t call them about your dilemma. You didn’t want to call your aunt or Hinata about it too since you know they’d tell your parents.

Kiyoomi was the only person who stayed.

He was the only one you trusted.

“Is that roommate thing with you still open?” you suddenly asked, making Sakusa paused mid-movement.

“Of course it is,” He dropped the cutlery he was holding and strode to your side to caress your cheek, “It always is for you.”

“Guess I’ll be able to use my duplicate more often.”

Maybe being a humanitarian doctor wasn’t how it was going to be for you, it took another month for you to actually go and find a permanent job. Sakusa points out that you can take all the time out that you need but you don't want to lounge around and do nothing, you need a good distraction.

So you ended up working for a prestigious hospital as an ER doctor, for a moment, you forgot about Medaide with the help of your new job and your boyfriend.

You were happy.

Really happy.

The idea of staying in Tokyo didn’t actually seem like a bad idea now, you were going to bring it up to your parents and tell them that you wanted to stay here permanently with your boyfriend. They’d probably be happy, Sakusa Kiyoomi is a perfect man.

Until you come to the very sudden realization that he wasn’t.

Kiyoomi hated going out on long distance trips, he always wanted to be next to you or take you with him but this one was apparently too important to skip out so you greet him goodbye and wait for him to come home. Being the good partner you are, you decided to clean the house for your boyfriend. Kiyoomi was an incredibly clean person so you tried to keep your sloppiness to yourself when you moved in a few months ago.

Getting rid of the small dust here and there and throwing some unimportant things on the side, you prepare to throw out the collected garbage but ultimately freeze on your tracks when you find a ripped paper on the garbage dump.

Normally, you don’t do garbage dives.

Why would you?

Yet the name on top along with your boyfriend’s name caught your attention. It was Medaide’s logo, you grabbed the ripped piece of paper and started looking through the garbage dump, it did start to smell but curiosity always got the best of you.

Nervously biting your lower lip, you don’t find all the papers but you find one dated the same week you had broken the news to your boyfriend and the words, “Thank you for your donation and for sending us a group of more competent doctors for this batch.”

Your eyes narrowed as you stood there, shaking, the surge of panic and anxiety bubbling within you made the bile rose on your throat.

What was going on?

Was this really your perfect boyfriend?

Maybe it was all a big misunderstanding, why would your boyfriend do that? What would he even gain? You bite on your fingernails as you walk back and forth in front of the front desk, “Y/N-san?”

You jump on the spot.

“K-Kenjiro-san.” 

“You alright there?” Shirabu Kenjiro asked, tilting his head to the side, “You’re not looking very good these days.”

“Y-Yeah…” You gulped, “J-Just thinking about some things.”

“Well, your shift is about to be over. Maybe you can go home earlier? ER’s pretty much dead right now.”  Your fellow doctor shrugged, you turned around and let out a sigh, maybe you should request to go home earlier. You needed to rest. All this thinking was getting to your head that you had almost misdiagnosed a patient this afternoon.

“Hey Kenjiro-san.” you ask your workmate, “Can I ask you a question?”

“Shoot.”

“I have a friend.” You gulped down, “They’ve got this perfect relationship and he’s a super great guy...then-then they realize that he did something bad…”

Kenjiro looks up from his paperwork and shoots you his usual upturned brow, “Can you specify what he did?”

“He got in the way of their dreams.”

Kenjiro is silent for a moment as if he was thinking of something deep, “Well if I were that person, I’d leave him. What kind of asshat doesn’t support their partner’s dreams?” he asked, placing his hands on his hips, “Tell your friend that they deserve better and not some asshat who is holding them back.”

“Yeah,” you nodded, he had a very good point, “Yeah, that’s right.”

Kenjiro had a good point there, maybe confronting Sakusa would be a wise choice but as of right now you decided against it, you needed to gather the courage to actually talk to him about it. The thing that scared you the most was how much you loved and trusted the guy too much.

He went through such lengths to get you to stay around, who knows what else he could’ve done?

You shake your head, you were being paranoid yet at the same time you couldn’t help it. Your anxiety towards the situation wasn’t helpful at all and it was spiking up and down.

On your way home, you decided to pass by a local pharmacy because your head hadn’t been feeling very well, “Do you have any pain killers?” you weakly asked the man on the front counter, after giving you your medication, you also decided to buy some extra vitamins because you recalled almost running out of them.

“Oh, we ran out of that brand yesterday.” The pharmacist replied, scrunching his brow in wonder, “Would you like another one? It’s not a generic brand but it’s  pretty much the same.”

“Yeah, that’ll do too.” You nodded, after paying for your purchase, you headed home. Fixing up your medicine in your cabinet, you freeze mid-action when you notice how familiar the vitamin looked. Shakily raising your hand to grab your birth-control pills in the medicine cabinet, you almost topple down when you pop it open next to the vitamin you bought.

It was the same.

It was exactly the same.

Before you knew it you were vomiting in the basin, your headache was worsening and the shaking wouldn’t stop.

The idea of the perfect boyfriend was completely erased in your head.

You didn’t look well these past few days, Kiyoomi noticed it because you didn’t even dared to hide it anymore, you wanted to leave him. Not only did he get in the way of whatever you worked hard for but he was trying to get you pregnant without your consent.

You felt utterly disgusted.

You sat at the tub, completely drained from all the events that transpired this past two weeks. The three year perfect streak that he tried to maintain was reduced to nothing but shambles. You wanted to blame yourself for being too stupid and caught up in this sham, your boyfriend was messed up, you wanted to get away but how?

You inwardly sighed, you were stupid. Too stupidly in love and intoo deep the rabbit hole that you hadn't even noticed.

“Y/N?”

Your gaze snapped to find him standing there with an expensive bouquet of flowers, you try to let out a weak smile, “Hey.”

“You’re not looking well.” He commented, placing the flowers on the side as he approached your naked figure on the tub, “Are you alright?”

“Yeah.” you nodded, “Just work.”

“I told you not to overstrain yourself.” He mumbled, bending down to your level, “You might get sick.”

You wanted to cringe away in disgust as he kissed your bare shoulders but you maintained yourself, “It’s fine.” You softly said, “I just have to do my best. I still want to try out for humanitarian work if I get a good recommendation from the hospital.”

You notice the quick shift of expression in his eyes, making you tighten your lips, so there it was.

“Again? I thought-”

“It’s my dream.” You began, trying to give him a smile, maybe, just maybe you can let him see through it, “You know how much I want this.”

“Maybe it’s not meant for you.”

“Excuse me?”

Sakusa Kiyoomi’s eyes widen at the new reaction, your smile turning to a grimace. Over the course of your relationship, you had never been this angry, “Y/N, you know that’s not-”

“Get out.” You shakily say.

“Y/N.”

“I said, Get out, Sakusa.” You yell again, eyes seeing red, the bastard had the audacity to keep pulling you back and doing these things to you. You were downright disgusted at him and everything he was doing, what more would you find? The mere fact that he destroyed your dreams and switched out your birth control had you on edge at the moment and you didn’t want to try to find out anymore, you probably wouldn’t be able to handle it.

He lets out a sigh, “You don’t have to leave the room. I’ll go sleep on the couch.”

You watch him leave and close the bathroom door yet his eyes don’t fool you anymore. 

You didn’t feel safe here.

You needed to get out.

Sakusa Kiyoomi is no fool towards your shift of attitude, he knows something is up when you snap at him when you were usually the calmer one (yes, you may be a bundle of energy and spitfire but you were relatively calm in the most part) so he calls the head of your hospital and sits him down, the head is shaking and on his knees, begging him to spare his life and his job for he did not know that you were overworked at all in your department.

“...I watch over her, sir…” the chief shakily exclaimed, “I always do…”

“So, you’re telling me… that my Y/N is a liar?”

The chief immediately freezes up on the spot, “Good lord, of course not! Doctor Y/N would never-”

“What would it be?”

“E-excuse me?”

“Your hands or your life?”

The man immediately cries out, begging him for mercy for he was innocent but Sakusa didn’t care. 

He didn’t care at all.

Yes, Sakusa Kiyoomi would do anything for you. If someone were to make you sad, tired, weary, or any negative emotion, he’d strike them down, just like how he paid your friends to stay away, just like how he had subtly shifted your parents work conditions that prevented them from returning to you.

You were his and his only.

No one could get in your ways.

“My name is Doctor Sato, I’ll be your new chief...”

You stare at the new head of the hospital blankly, apparently the previous chief, Doctor Yamomoto, had to retire due to some matters with his family. It was a shame, you really liked him since he was awfully nice to you and everyone in the ward, “...L/N-san?” the older man calls out as soon as the meeting was over.

Your gaze snapped towards him as he tilted his head slightly, you’re completely bewildered by the sudden attention from your new boss, “Are your working conditions alright?”

“Yes, chief.” 

“If you have any problem, “ his tight lip turns into a big smile as he places his hand on your shoulder, “Please don’t hesitate to ask.”

You blink at his uncharacteristic request and immediately move back to get away from his grasp, a rather uncomfortable smile made its way to your lips as you nodded, “I’ll take note of that, Chief.” 

Thankfully nothing odd happened anymore after the day ended and as you patched up your things, getting ready to go home, you find your one and only boyfriend standing there with another bouquet of flowers in his hands. The sense of familiar dread sinked in once again.

How would you end this all?

The perfect man was a liar and he got in the way but why couldn’t you end things with him quickly? Why couldn’t you cut him off? You were so angry at him yet at the same time you were so lost, where did it go wrong?

“Y/N…” He greets, “How was work?”

“It was fine.” You quietly replied, turning your gaze  at the expensive bouquet on his hands once again. Ever since you guys fought, he had been buying you flowers and expensive things but you remained the same, you just didn’t know how to act anymore around him.

“How was your new chief?”

You immediately tense up, as far as you recalled you had only met the chief today and no one knew about this outside the hospital. How the hell did this bastard know?

Sakusa notices you’ve gone too quiet, “Y/N? What’s wrong?” he asks.

“Word travels fast, huh?” you blinked, regaining your composure quickly, something wasn’t right now, you knew that something went deeper than that little Medaide charade he did and switching your pills to get you pregnant, “He’s alright and please stop buying me stuff, didn’t I tell you that we were fine already?”

“Y/N-”

You sighed and leaned in closer, pulling down his mask so that you could give him a peck on his lips. Inside, you felt disgusted but this was the only way now, “Stop acting all cringey and lovey-dovey. I forgive you. Let’s not fight again.” You consoled the tall man.

You notice how soft his eyes became.

Yes, two can play a game. 

From stopping you from moving to trying to get you pregnant, it was those things that made you come towards a conclusion that Sakusa Kiyoomi didn’t wanted you to leave his side. The man probably wouldn’t stop at anything, if he was willing to go to such lengths, what more could he do? You let out a tight smile as your boyfriend kisses your temple.

You needed to find a way and quick because the Sakusa Kiyoomi you thought you knew for the past three years was nothing like the Sakusa Kiyoomi in front of you.

taglist [send me an ask if you want to be tagged for the last chapter and as always if i forget to tag, just send me an ask]

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@kn0xiousnight  @newfriendjen

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[angelikook]

Jungkook as a College Student

The coolest broke student you've ever met.

Coolest, because it seems like he can do anything.

From academics to non-academics, he can do it all.

It even comes at a surprise because how can a person be so perfect.

And how can he manage his time?

He’s a full-time student and takes as many credits as possible just because he likes the challenge.

He’s part of the campus’ e-sports team, meaning he has practice almost every weekend and tournaments almost every month.

He’s an activist at his school, famous for talking about important topics regarding mental health issues.

Because mental health is as important as physical health, everyone.

He’s active every time there’s a blood donation event on the campus and always makes time to donate a bit of his blood.

Since he likes music so much, he joins the campus’ band.

Not as a full-time player, thankfully, because he doesn’t have enough time, but he still has plenty of rehearsals in between classes.

And let’s not forget that he’s interested in joining the campus’ taekwondo club. Talk about being athletic.

He’s also broke, though.

He tries to find rides from his friends who happen to go to the same place as he is.

He only buys things, even things he needs to support his studies, every time there’s a discount, claiming that “they’re scamming you if you buy things not on a discount”.

He borrows essential textbooks from the campus’ library. But then he gets suspended from borrowing again because he forgets to return them.

Then he opts to borrow from the city’s library. The books aren’t in good shape, but he doesn’t know where else to buy them.

Until when a friend tells him to borrow from a senior. “They don't need the books anyways! They’re almost graduated.”

That’s when he starts to use his links to borrow books.

Oh, and, he doesn’t pay for Spotify premium.

Apparently a ‘fan’ paid for him on his last birthday and still pays for him until now.

He’s extremely grateful and wants to express his gratitude to the person directly, but he has no idea on how to find said ‘fan’.

Nearing the end of every month, when his money is thinning out and he hasn't received money from his parents, he even joins random seminars so he can get free food.

Or join any random events that offer food, basically.

But beneath all this coolness, he's still that shy kid from middle school.

Whenever he gets an invitation to join a club or to take part in an activity, he gets confused.

Sure he wants to try new things, like taekwondo, basketball, acting, etc, but he's scared to meet new people.

Afraid that they'll judge him for being bad at something since he's famous for being multitalented.

But on the other hand, he's a student and he has to learn, right?

Maybe he simply doesn't want people to see the part of him that's struggling.

Struggling to approach new people, to try new things, and even to be a leader for a club.

I mean, his phone has been ringing non-stop for the past few days because the music club wants him to be the leader.

And he's the newest member of the club!

He also still remembers when he tried to join the e-sports team.

He was rejected and made fun of.

Sure he wasn't, like, the best, best player.

But he still could learn, right?

Plus, he never joined an e-sports team before.

Luckily, on his second try to join the team, a year later, those people who made fun of him already left the club.

And most importantly, he was finally accepted.

Despite going through all of that, he has no hard feelings.

Him not being accepted the first time is a good thing.

That way he doesn't have to be with those scums.

Not just dealing with bullies, he still has to deal with fake people.

This is worse, because they can go months undetected.

There's even a possibility that the only best friend he has on this campus is talking bad behind him!

He's trying not to think about that, though.

Surely he should've seen it long ago if it were the case.

He can't know for sure whether the people around him are fake or not.

But he had some fake people in the past.

He knows he doesn't have money, unlike those other popular kids, but he has fame.

And this fame, while can help him get past his shyness, since people come to him first, it can also backfire on him.

Like the time one kid in his class used him to get girls.

That's the worst.

He doesn't even want to think about that anymore.

It's not that he wants all the girls to himself, but come on!

He wants to have some girl friends that aren't being seduced by his fake friends.

Like a normal friendship, yes.

What about dating, you ask?

He doesn’t want to date.

Not yet, at least.

Yes, some people have asked him out, but he simply turned them down, simply saying "I'm sorry, I'm busy." and breaking their poor hearts.

There are still too many things he wants to try and a partner will only slow him down, you know?

Like that taekwondo club?

He's probably going to join it tomorrow once class ends.

And, shoot!

He forgets to prepare for his presentation tomorrow.

Guess he'll have to stay up all night again.

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