#but I had already posted it on twt by the time I realized

[deikyrio]

Girl dinner

[carpedzem]

hi

under the cut i want to talk a little bit, maybe overshare as well. ill try to keep it short (rereading nat here. i didnt). its a sad post, might make some of you angry but not for the reasons you think

i was staying away on purpose, but a few people asked about me so i wanted to let you know that hey, im lurking, im waiting to see what happens. maybe some things will change in the future but im putting it out here so its all in one place

i think i want to start with saying thank you again for sticking around, supporting my art and my thoughts and having discussions with me. i really opened up about myself and what I created here. im very anxious person and it influences my life on every level, so being heard, seeing people laughing at my jokes, loving my art has been so so important to me

about the situation, the gogcident if you will, i logged out as soon as i saw things going down and been getting updates though different source. and while situation is still on going and i dont know where it will go, as how it ends, theres two or three things im firm on that will always be true for me:

i really hate how believe all victims turns into believe everyone who speaks first, no matter what they say, no matter context, no matter proof. the first statement made in this case was untrue in a lot of important details and while i dont think caitis feeling are wrong or invalid i think her first statement made this situation into something it isnt. i think every victim should be heard but attacking everyone who was accused right away is not a solution

i do believe that everyone who was accused of anything has every right to defend themselves. the way its constantly taken away from dteam is not lost on me and its insane and upsetting

you can be traumatized by the events that werent in its core meant to be traumatizing. sometimes people act shitty and leave scars on you and sometimes you can do the same to other people

edited note bc i want this to be here as well: guilty until proven innocent is a crazy mindset and i cannot imagine situation that i would allow it. some idiots dont even realise how dangerous rhetoric that is. including accusers not being obligated to provide any proof of their claims

twt is the worst thing to deal with any discourse, misunderstanding or any delicate situation. i think no ones there cares for any victims period. i wish that place the worst

okay so what now. i havent decided yet. georges and dreams moves so far confirmed for me that no matter what happened it wasnt with malicious intentions. ill wait to see how this plays out and then ill decide about my next steps. one think i did for sure is i uninstalled twt from my phone (and that already bit my ass the moment dream started his space…) that part of fandom, both people who like (liked?) and hate dream is so damn self-destructive, toxic, manipulative and performative it wasnt worth it anymore. for here, i dont know yet. i dont hate dteam, i think this is very unfortunate and sad and complicated situation that left people very deeply hurt. and i wish it wasnt this way and im pretty sure dteam also wish that. but they cant change it and i cant change it even more

now this is something i dont really know how to tell you but let me try. i never mentioned this bc when i had those realizations, it was too late, everyone moved on and i felt stupid for dwelling on this. i feel stupid now, typing this. the thing is, drituation left me quite traumatized. fucking pathetic, i know. the sudden explosion of fandom left me really badly hurt. i lost a lot of people i genuinely believed to be friends with, and i miss them dearly. i felt, fuck it, still feel deeply betrayed by some of them. i dont want people guess who is who thats not the point, those people moved on long time ago. but that hurt has been really difficult to deal with, especially since realistically i know its quite stupid. crying over some people who were following me back for a few months? but i tried to let myself heal and grow love for this community again and i thought we will be okay. drituation felt like the end of the world but we got through it and I thought we are smarter. and well. im not trying to blame anyone or even a whole community, idk maybe i want to blame the universe for putting me here or society for working this way i dont know. but im hurting and i need to find a better way to deal with things going the wrong way. and it deeply upsets me but im afraid that i have to learn how to love you all less. and i honestly dont know yet what that means, how moving forward will look like. i dont have to make this decision now so i let myself stay away from social media for a while still and then go with presented situation the best i can. i dont try to make anyone responsible for my wellbeing i want to make this clear. im just trying to share my feelings and give you context for whatever happen in the nearest future. no matter what i need more healthy relationship not even with ccs but with community itself (and if you see me rebloging hazbin hotel fanarts. spare me...)

in this place i do want to state that no matter what i dont think dteam are bad people. im not closing myself at possibility of participating in the fandom, probably less though things i mentioned earlier. but if any of those things make you uncomfortable in any way, feel free to unfollow/softblock

im leaving my askbox open if anyone has anything to say, add, or idk, scream at me. not sure if i answer any tho. also if i delete this post in the next 10 minutes out of embarrassment then well, haha

on the final note i want once again thank you all for supporting me when i needed help for my cat. you all did something amazing, something i will never forget and i wish to hug everyone of you in person. thank you

see you around. one day. maybe tomorrow maybe in 10 days. idk

and if you are moving on in different direction, if we ever meet again, dont be a stranger

[quanticq]

Hey Q! Sorry for bothering you, but for some reason I can no longer find any of your tik tok accounts 😭 Did they get deleted or something?

Hi this is Q! I’m coming out of the woodwork to address this, since I did went radio silent out of the blue so it’s not a bother at all

The short answer is Yes, I deleted my tiktok

Yes delete not deactivate, I’m not coming back to That app or IG or Twt, I deleted my socials except here and YouTube, I honestly felt so overwhelmed with everything, I realized I’m not even posting for myself anymore there. A lots of people crossed my boundaries time and time again I felt so helpless, bitter with myself. I guess I was just overwhelmed with the attention I got; both positive and negatives ones.

Im done and I want to start over so that’s why I’m here and on YouTube, I already posted some of these on my community tab on YT but here’s what I have in mind for the future of the content I want to create: more detail under the cut, and also;

CW: very brief mention of spiraling, harm inflict oneself or others, paranoia, etc

•Long-form content: my attention span is a bit messed up from consuming and making short-form content to the point where I can’t focus in university. I want to create something meaningful. It’s not that my previous content was not meaningful, no. I had fun and no time is wasted when I have fun, it was warm… but as I mentioned earlier, I just felt this lingering bitterness the longer I stayed making those short-form content. It really felt like I was on the verge of losing it. Especially with how the bigger following I have the less people think of me as a person than just another content creator you see on the internet,

I want to create long-form content, I’m so tired of forcing myself to generate 15 second content. On tiktok it just feels like I’m just creating and not really connecting. I want to try something new, maybe create an open space for meaningful discussion in the comments. I don’t think I can stand another copy-paste tiktok comment anymore. You know what I meant if you’re frequent on that app.

•Art Content with Commentary: and don’t worry this won’t be those petty artist drama issue, but I will still cover anything serious

it could be love letters or video essays ranging from fan fictions, fandom culture, the art scene and so much more. I may even share a bit of my personal life, this will be self indulgent after all! I want to make it fun for myself and as well to those who comes across my channel. I really REALLY want to create a genuine following.

On tiktok it’s so easy to gain following but not so easy to retain them, it’s mostly because of the algorithm and the FYP feature there.

On Tiktok most content that would get featured as an artist there would be creative work has to be either; more than exceptional which is pressuring enough already to consistent posters, straight up suggestive content shown to minors (tiktok doesn’t really have a blocked keywords feature but it’s so disheartening to see these creators intentionally not using the sensitive warning since it could limit their reach significantly) oh yes we can’t forget the negativity surrounding beginner artists or “art lore”

All of this cesspool of negativity, it’s a whole can of worms but it will be one of my prominent topics that I wish to discuss in my future art commentaries. I hope you guys are looking forward to those! I might bring in a few people or so to talk about it with me

and finally;

•Streaming: I used to do a lot of streams during the weekends on the clock app and it was super fun! I want to bring that back but that would have to wait since I’m unfamiliar with some features on YouTube, and I’m aware that YT does not have a discoverable feature for stream but that’s alright, I want to start something small first.

In short; I’ll figure it out! just need some baby steps before I start streaming again.

.

I apologize for deleting everything out of the blue, if I’m gonna be honest it was partially planned because I’ve been thinking about deleting my tiktok, twitter and Instagram for a while now but how it happened? In my breakdown I realized that I don’t want anyone to see me spiral, especially now that I realized how young my audience are, I’m not sure how that happened but I guess posting fandom contents does attract the young ones somehow inevitably, even though my content is nowhere near as suggestive, but I do talk about serious topics from time to time… but I digress, its not fair for them to deal with me if they see me spiral publicly,

it is especially not fair to them to console me. When I was younger than 14, I’ve been in a position where I have to talk down someone who was older, maybe 4-5 years older than me, from harming themselves or anyone, it was traumatizing and unpleasant. I don’t wish for anyone to go through that, it’s very painful.

It’s been… hard for me to ground myself. Ive been seeing things through a kaleidoscope of emotions; I was trying to focus on everything but it’s just too overwhelming so eventually I cracked. But please don’t worry I’ve been doing better now, after some time away from my online persona, and of course spending time with my beloved girlfriend, I see things much more clearly now.

Thank you to anyone who read this and much so appreciate those who understand where I’m coming from

Also now that I think of it can my stuff be considered as lost media now? Amazing! But please don’t be sad the fun I had was genuine!

Thank you again to those who genuinely enjoyed my content on tiktok but it’s time for me to try my hand at something new, I will still be dwelling in my creative headspace just.. away from public for now,

if you’re looking forward for my future post, make sure to check out my YouTube! I still have a lot I need to cook hehe, this is one of the few!

More post soon, Bye bye! -Q

[tiny-sassy-aggressive]

DAN AND PHIL REACT TO PHAN TWITTER REACTIONS w/ timestamps

.03 sir please don’t crack your hands in my ears.

.11 way to early in the video for a phude Jumpscare

.16 DIP AND PIP ?!!!??

.26 tbh shoutout to Phil for acknowledging that even tho we have fan accounts, not everything we say, create, post is something we would want them to see. Love the self awareness. Appreciate the space he provides

.35 rip Dan memes and tumblr tags

.56 I actually needed to be told I am gorgeous and intelligent, I knows it’s fake but it’s nice to hear even if fake

1.37 WHY IS HE **** ********* THE MIC N O NO NO NO NO WHAT??????

2.08 chill Phil we weren’t gonna fight about it. You’re Edward… OKAY

2.25 how many times are they going to watch pinof 1 ! Babes you can do that anytime you want not just on camera

2.37 Phil is in FULL CRISIS realizing how messy he is as if they haven’t already talked about this before

3.09 TUMBLR NEVER LEFT. YOU LEFT.

3.29 the synced lean in as they discovered the dan has something in his teeth bit was a video

3.40 SO SO SO GLAD THE SOCK VIDEO MADE IT. AND HES ACKNOWLEDGING

3.46 SHOES SOCK VIDEO JUMPS ARE😭😭😭

4.24 “keep reading” oh goodness that. Sir. Okay.

4.44 hi just realized is Dan wearing a muscle tank under the see through shirt????? Side note. Want the see through shirt

5.03 FANTASTIC FOURSOME JUMPDVARE

6.14 NO DAN NOT KATE THEY ARE LISTENINF. DONT BECOME INVOLVED IN ANOTHER ROYAL CONSPIRACY

7.41 absolutely fire meme. I laughed so loud I actually had to pause the video. Worst part? I had already reposted on twt yet still reacted to it

8.05 he is staring into my soul. Hell how is he staring THROUGH my soul

9.17 no words. “It’s not a bad look” alakakakak???

9.22 So suddenly it’s not “we” anymore, huh?

9.53 rip Phil’s slit😫

10.08 I just through Dan making a joke then immediately hitting Phil to let him know he was joking was really funny. Stuff I do with my friends I am tactile

11.46 I ALWAYS thought that image was edited to have all of them. I didn’t realize it was a real photos

12.38 OH MY FOS????? JUMPSVARE WHAT THE HELL

12:45 those pounds weee so aggressive. It sounded like they really hurt. I’m hurt listening

12:46 Phil is watching that monitor like a HAWK he is NOT losing monetization bc Dan wants to wap

13.00 Phil saw and saved this and nobody knew. He lurks. Nobody is safe.

13:36 about nine “what can I say”s in. Dan has a genuine look of terror and confusion. He looks like he’s playing up his reaction a bit in the beginning, laughing and stuff and acting annoyed but this point is genuine horror and realization. This is so gold. Will be giffing later. Also precious Phil

14.50 okay the editing kinda memes his monologue a bit but i was high key inspired. He’s so wrote. Everything is a story that must be concluded. I love that thought process. Clearly bc I am also a grade a yapper but still

15:50 oh the immediate IMMEDIATE regret in Phil’s face

16:35 we love a self aware king. The poster was a tad rough

16:56 THUS CIDEO AND COMMENTARY JS SO SO SO GOOD

17:38 YES THANK YOU THE WADVERT WAS RVEFHONE. We couldn’t eat sleep or think without seeing it

18:11 please wash your blanket? Guys? Like? You can clean, wash, or dry clean anything. Please?

19:00 tbh saw under the robbing blanks and it wasn’t even that bad? Compared to every horrific demon phannie thing that has been seen? Not bad! Could have been worse

19:45 2021 period???? Hello??? You were gone since 2018? At least from dapg??

20:44 yet???? Capitolestor strikes again

20:50 did they not have a keep calm and something on poster in their apt at one point??? Some people?? You mean you???

21:16 I SAW THIS WHEN IT DROPPED. love dami sm. This video was so good

22:24 JUMPSCARE

22:55 “1992” “Daniel” calm down

23:25 “you also let me” guys??? How is this forced situation? Who decided??

24:20 he needs to back away from the mic I can feel him breathing in my ears my goood ess??

24:34 I’m screaming bc they used a clip from the section before we all thought they got high. This section they posted was just a cute section

24:54 literally speechless. Also jumpscare?

26:30 the entire dan induced conclusion is beautiful I love them and their banter

26:54 nvm can you lean into the mic closer and tell us you’re proud again??? Needed that???

[petefromarma]

Dont get me wrong but that course of events you laid out sounds like a mostly good thing? Gabe saying anything even kinda resembling an apology is already better than the Absolutely Nothing I was expecting

i’m putting this under a cut as it’s long

yeah i mean i do think them donating to a relief org would be the absolute best thing possible bc like as of rn nothing abt this is materially helping palestinians. it’s all just noise which honestly i probably shouldn’t be contributing to bc i always knew this was going to happen and i’ve always known what pete and gabe are like. i’ve also always known what the other three are like but pete and gabe are the only ones who have done and said things prior to this incident (other than being silent) irt palestine that warranted outright criticism. anyway my main problem rn is w gabe’s statement.

the reason i’m unimpressed w it is bc i feel like it’s smth either he or an intern paraphrased in like two minutes (again, always knew this was going to be the response if any), and doesn’t address what the majority of the problem was imo, which was that he was parroting blood libel propaganda put out by the israeli govt re oct 7th. i haven’t gone and looked at the post myself recently, only seen screenshots of his comments, so idk if he took that part down, but that to me is the greatest issue. i never had a problem w him mourning the civilian casualties/hostages of oct 7th.

like addressing the discontent at all IS a good thing but i don’t believe his comment covers anything that he actually needed to apologize for and i’ve already seen teenage westerners who clearly learned abt palestine for the first time like. five months ago. trying to speak on this situation with authority that is not earned and not deserved.

and i’d like to be clear and say that i don’t believe all or even most blunders re saying something ignorant online require a full apology; i think that in most cases, deleting whatever was said is enough. i don’t think pile ons or bullying are conducive to rehabilitation or a change in behavior. however, to me, this is a special situation in which i believe a full retraction is necessary bc as i said before, he was spreading israeli govt propaganda.

none of what he said was new to me either. i know he’s the descendant of holocaust survivors, and more than that, i know his family had to flee europe and later uruguay. i know that like many jewish families do, his parents kept a box in their home in nyc filled with their passports and valuables in case they needed to get out of the country in a hurry; he needs to realize that this and so much worse is the reality that palestinins are living every single day.

the israeli govt preys upon and exploits the generational trauma of jewish individuals/families/communities in order to sow fear, terrorize palestinians, and further the colonization of palestinian land; i have complete understanding of how he’s been radicalized to this point, but it doesn’t excuse what he’s said and done and i think the only real way of fixing this is putting his money where his mouth is and making a public donation. again i’m not demanding anything of him, i’m not saying this will or won’t happen, i’m just saying what i think SHOULD be done and what would be the most effective from a harm reduction standpoint. can he come back from being radicalized to the point he was/is? i don’t know. i’d like to think so. all i know is that that statement didn’t address what i think it should have addressed IF it was supposed to be considered at all meaningful and i think the way ppl have been reacting to it is inappropriate.

anyway, sidebar bc i’m going to attempt to stop talking about this after this post and go back to focusing on initiatives that actually benefit ppl in palestine rn, but i think fans (who are not palestinian) who were shocked by this were living in a fantasy world and i think the way those fans esp those on twt have reacted toward meredith has been abhorrent. as i said a lot of this has just been noise rather than any action that is meaningful in any way and i think that while we should be realistic abt what we are going to get from them we should also be able to acknowledge where any actions of theirs are lacking.

[acc3pt4nce]

Sos: so I know I have to focus on 4D. But my issue is my brain is always going: “are you being that person that has X amount of money” “you don’t feel like you do” and idk what happened because for a week I was so confident I was feeling super good I was like, “ oh yeah I’m creator of my reality I already how this ends” and now all of a sudden I’m anxious and doubtful because then I think, we’ll if I truly was in that creator state I would’ve had it by now. And everything else I imagined. Idk I feel so stuck and at a mental war with myself.

from my understanding, i think in the first week you were fulfilling yourself and then suddenly you noticed your desires haven't materialised and how much time has passed by. now, you're dealing with doubting whether if you're doing everything correctly. simply, all you have to do is identify with the inner man, assume you have what you want, and know that everything is done. if you want to, you could mayb do some breathwork or use edward arts meditation to help you calm down. realize that this doubt is stemming from you and that you don't have to be afraid of your thoughts.

i suggest reading this post on twt and this one by alia. im sorry if this isn't explained the best, i hope this is okay ♡

[mroddmod]

HEY i'm here to do that stupid sappy thing where i make a new years post and thank everyone for the great year.

i already said this on twt but i can genuinely say that i have never had this much fun in a fandom before. i've never CLICKED with a fandom and its participants in the way that i've clicked with the stranger things fandom. i've made more finished art than i have for any other franchise, i think. i've never gotten to connect with people and make friends in a fandom like i have with the stranger things fandom. THE FRIENDS IVE MADE ARE SOME OF THE BEST IVE HAD IN LIKE. EVER. you guys are seriously so awesome. NOT TO MENTION ALL THE INCREDIBLE PEOPLE THAT I ALWAYS SEE IN MY REBLOG TAGS AND REPLIES. i've had the privilege to get to meet, know, and interact, with some of the nicest and most talented people ever. it's been such a good year BECAUSE of the connections i've made. SOOOOO i'm gonna list off some of my favorite people and say a little something and TRY to keep it short. OBVIOUSLY THIS IS IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER

@astrobei : yeah, obviously you're in here, idiot. you wormed your way into my life way too quickly and WAYYYY too easily but i wouldn't change it (probably. just kidding. or Am I.....). i was a MEGA fan of your writing LOOOONG before i ever even spoke to you, so it's kind of a trip that i talk to you every day now. if you told mod from september that he'd be this tight w suni astrobi he absolutely would not believe you. anyway thank you for making me laugh so much and talking to me all the time even though you should probably be doing better things. keep being you. k love u (maybe) bye

@msquared1414 : MAGS. MY DEAR MAGS. I LOVE YOU SO DEARLY. you are a beacon of light in a fucked up and annoying world. i know i can always count on you for support and a good laugh. im so glad i got to know you over the time that we've been talking. i promise i have more special wips to send u soon. I MISS YOU ALL THE TIME BFF

@cherbearsz : CHER 😭😭😭 do you realize that you're actually one of the funniest people on the planet. did you Know. actually i take it back, you're the funniest. i could be having a shit day and suddenly cher gets in the chat and stirs up chaos and i am feeling like :) again. ty for being you, bro 🤝

@livsmessydoodles : we've known each other for a long time but i feel like i didn't really GET to know you until this year. but i'm so glad i did!! you are such a lively and positive energy that i love to see on my dash, in my notifs, in our group chats, anywhere. you are TRULY a unifying and joyful force. keep up your good energy, so many good things will come to you in life.

@halosketches : sorry but who gave you the right to be this cool. like i wanna know. YOU'RE ACTUALLY THE COOLEST PERSON IVE MET.... i know this is like a cringe thing to say but your vibes are Unmatched. i know i can always trust your takes because your taste in media is the Highest of quality. you're also way too nice. you're insane.

@wynsvre : sarah :((( my bro. my guy. you are an INSPIRATION to me and you always will be in so many ways. you are so real and honest and i value that in you so much. honestly you're just such a rad person. i aspire to be more like u.

@janceezer : KITE!!!!! i actually cannot believe how sappy and sweet you are it's CRAZY that you're just that way. YOURE JUST THAT GOOD. it pleasantly surprises me all the time. you are so down to earth and you care about people with everything you have, and i feel SO lucky to be one of those people. KEEP BEING YOU!!!

@tryingonametaphor : AH BHAVNA you have been an absolute pleasure to get to know this year. i was ALSO a huge fan of yours before i got to know you personally, but i was BLOWN away by how kind you are 😭 you are just so understanding and patient and RIDICULOUSLY creative. you're so cool, it's crazy.

@spacedru1d : MY BFF!!!!! my matching bff. you've been such a good friend and a delight to interact with. you're naturally such a good person without even trying. IVE MISSED YOU SO MUCH DURING YOUR TIME IN UNI but i'm proud of you for getting your shit done and finally getting the gf of ur dreams. I WISH YOU NOTHING BUT THE BEST BFF!!!

okay now that i've gotten all my Real Actual IRL Bestest Friends in the Entire World out of the way....

some other people that i've loved interacting with/seeing in my notifs/seeing on my dash:

@bujomoss, @http-byler, @smoosnoom, @bookinit02, @nnilkyway, @elekinetic, @wiseatom, @andiwriteordie, @paladibun, @noodles-and-tea, @aemiron-main, @caesarexile, and many more im CERTAIN i'm forgetting.

anyway. thanks for an incredible year. HERES TO 2023!!!

[httpknjoon]

I mean I've pretty much made up my mind, but more proof couldn't hurt 🙂

note | more proof here :))

main masterlist | drabble series

PROOF NO.10: [MYSTERY INCORPORATED]

@/jokesonyou: guyS GUYS GUYS I JUST SAW YN WITH HER FRIENDS

Halloween 2018 in Los Angeles. A fan posted a shaky selfie with you dressed as Velma from Scooby Doo. You were a little unrecognizable at the time as the fans knew you had your hair dyed for another color for a role. But that time, you wore a brown bob wig that matches the cartoon character. You also have identical glasses and clothes. For the selfie, you posed with your magnifying glass and pretended to examine the fan’s costume.

@/jokesonyou: she’s so nice and funny yall i love her so much

Fans were happy to catch a glimpse of your costume since you didn’t post about it. On the other side of stan twt. Someone posted something:

@/grumpyseoks: not jin walking around la in a scooby doo costume

Replying to @/grumpyseoks:

- @/cloudedhaven: omg is he shaggy to yn’s velma?

– @/moonlightfran: maybe he’s fred!!

Due to the same theme of costumes, fans were quick to connect that you and Jin are probably together romantically. They quickly assume that you two went for a more “lowkey” costume, with Jin possibly going for Shaggy while you go for Velma. But their thoughts were proven wrong when another fan get to take a photo with the actor.

@/PopCraze: Jin takes a photo with a fan, wearing a Scooby-Doo onesie for Halloween 🐶 [insert photos]

@/jinniejin: oh… okay… so he went as the dog…

@/openupitscathy: clown mode: on

It was later learned that Jin was Scooby-Doo. His fans found it both funny and cute. After collecting more information and seeing more photos, people realized that your other friends went for the same-themed costume. Donny was Shaggy. Hailey joined in as Daphne while her boyfriend was Fred. Paparazzi got photos of you with Hailey leaving a bar in LA. You even got to chat with one of the photographers as they follow you with their camera.

“Lookin’ cute, Y/N!”

Greg, the paparazzi you were cool with, greeted you as you and your friends walked to your car. You were only with Hailey as the three men were already in the car.

“Thanks, Greg!” you smiled before asking him. “No costumes?”

You and your manager were pacing fast as the flashes of lights follow you two. You cannot even turn to look at Greg.

“Nothing. But I see you went Mystery Inc. with your gang.”

You were about to respond when another photographer screamed something that caught your attention, “How did you choose your costumes?!”

You laughed, “We bet about it.”

More questions followed but they remained unanswered as you and Hailey hurriedly enter your vehicle. Although you and Jin didn’t go for a ‘couple’ costume for that year’s Halloween, the fans still saw it as one of the first signs of your romantic relationship with your co-star since 2018 was the same year you began hanging out with Donny and their other friends.

taglist rules

THE A-LISTERS TAGLIST

@jub-jub @yoontaethings @kissme-ornot @sleepy-daydreams @veronawrites @cuteipat @ratherbefangirling @babystarcandy-gcf @akirawhore @alpacaparkaseok @rjsmochii @lovesickbangtan @rapmonie2047 @btsiguess-kpop @angelarin @walkinganxiety0 @bloopkook @yoooonie @amara-mars @firesighgirl @zwiehe @hiii-priestess @lojocas @juju-227592 @singukieee @eshtravagent @canarystwin @petalsofink

PERMANENT TAGLIST

@dunixxd​ @cixrosie​ @jksjx​ @embrace-themagic​ @buttvi​ @starbtslove​ @missseoulite @vanntaesworld @kenqki @pixybear @miyukihoshi @stopeatread @seolaquotes @greyrain23

[bonewyvern]

luke thompson, the man that you are, serving the cunt-ry🫡

but unlike my twt post this doesn’t have a typo😭

electricmoose and i saw the second showing of LLL (friday, april 12) and OMGGGG the best show ever like 10/10 recommend. it was so upbeat and lively and all around felt like time was flying by. i also did not know ANYTHING about the play/original story shakespeare wrote, but the way it’s set out, i walked away completely understanding what happened. i also really really REALLY loved luke in it, like he characterized berowne so well. and even in the scenes where he wasn’t talking but in it, he still carried himself with energy that made me turn my attention to him or maybe i’m just down bad but whatever. also was NOT expecting him to come out from the sides of the theater, and we sat in the stalls next to the aisle, so to start the show and he strides on in was a pleasant surprise☺️

and after the show, we RAN🏃🏻💨to the stage door bc we were like “what are the odds he comes out. and if the odds are high (which we felt they were) we could potentially see him. and if not, at least we tried.” and so we were nervous if there was going to be a crowd, so we very quickly sped walked to the stage door, and there were already the barricades up (those pole and rope thingies) and we were like 🤔. we waited around for about 10 minutes, and then BAM we glimpsed him through the windows that led from inside to out. and we were told a couple minutes beforehand he isn’t allowed to take selfies can could only sign RSC merch (so HIGHLY recommend getting the £6 program so he can sign it!!). and he started with the first person in line, then moved to on to me and electricmoose bc we were second and third. and i held out my program cover up bc i’m used to the broadway playbills being signed on the cover. but he took it and was like “do you want me to sign under my name?” and i was like “oh sure! i’m so sorry, i don’t know where you are😭 (IT WAS DIM AND I WAS FREAKING OUT)”. and i don’t know what happened but he ended up flipping to his page with his headshot and bio, and the first thing out of my mouth was “really nice picture!” and he smiled and was like, “oh really? thanks! my mum hates it” and i laughed while he signed the program. HE WAS SOOOO SWEET like going into it we were nervous he was going to be sign-and-go kinda type, but he totally defied our expectations and really took the time to chat at least 30 seconds per person.

pic rundowns

1. signing the first person’s program

2. after he signed ours, he moved on but realized he had a sharpie he could’ve used and so ran back to get it and i caught him mid-run😭

3. moved onto the signing other ppl’s programs

4. electricmoose’s REALLY shaky hands

5. MY LONG EXPOSURE WAS TURNED ON WHILE HE WAS WALKING AWAY TO LEAVE😭

6. signed program in front of the theater

SPOILERS FOR THE SHOW BC I THINK IT’S SO FUNNY!! NOT IN ORDER!!!

1. HE ATE PAPER???!!!!!! low key still thinking about it to this day bc like his mouth was full, but by the end of the scene, he was talking like normal

2. I WANT IT THAT WAY WAS HILARIOUSSSSSS. like the curtain was down and i didn’t know what i was expecting, but all of them in knight gear (??) SINGING?! that was NOT on my bingo card😭 listening, i heard a high harmony and low key i like to believe that was luke’s doing

3. when he started unbottoning his shirt i was like “OH, we’re doing this??” AND THEN HE UNDID AND TOOK OFF HIS PANTS TOO AND I WAS LIKE “WHATS GOING ONNNNNNN”

4. him climbing the tree to eavesdrop and basically that entire scene had me DYINGGGGGGGG

5. the women SLAYED and i absolutely love all of them😌

[hirokiyuu]

talking abt yuujin and their awful ex on twt and now im still thinking abt their rship. warning for age gap rship discussion + general toxic behavior

was waffling on how old i wanted takuto to be beyond An Adult (when yuujin was definitely A Teen) and i think ive settled definitively on abt nine or ten years older. twenty-four when they meet (yuujin is fifteen) and twenty-five by the time yuujin is brave enough to make a move (yuujin is still fifteen)

butl ike the thing abt their rship. as bad as it is. i cant call it grooming bc grooming requires a level of like......... intent on takuto's side that's just not there. yuujin is the one who makes the first move and while any even half-decent adult wouldve stopped it there takuto just doesnt care enough to bother. like i think takuto is self-aware enough to know its shitty but thats not like. going to stop him. in some ways that almost part of the appeal. doing smth terrible is another reason to hate himself and by extension the whole goddamn universe

i think ive talked before somewhere abt how takuto is simultaneously the best nad worst thing to ever happen to yuujin in the sense that like. hes a fucking tar pit of a person and really exacerbates the nihilism of them but also is like, the entire reason tehy dont self destruct at like age sixteen and then get themself in an even worse situation then the one they wouldve ended up in w/o him (ie they stick it out til prolly age 20 having met takuto as opposed to winding up a teenage runaway) and thats like. in no small part bc theyve met someone who also thinks the world is a cesspool of misery LMAO

but i think yuujin is literally just flatout the one and only true connection takuto has ever had in his life. hates his family never had friends in school did not make it into college and none of the coworkers he ever had before ever liked him til finally one day he meets this kid who's like. already more disillusioned w/reality than most ppl he knows. and like. dont get me wrong. this doesnt mean he treats yuujin well (lmao) at teh same time the only way he would ever be able to overcome his shit is (assuming yuu goes back to reality post twst) is to realize that yuujin found a way to be ok w/being alive. maybe he could too.

[2000snotebook]

Ok so! Quick(ish) TrainChasersAU post for people who have recently followed me or don't follow me and see posts about this AU in the IT tag!

Blanket disclaimers:

there is quite a bit of character "death", but most of it's already happened prior to when the fic takes place

there is /temporary/ major character death

this fic deals with themes of guilt, grief, and loss. I will tag individual chapters as needed

I'm currently posting the full fic lore + where to read in this doc (a lot of it is stuff I've already stated in this post, but also includes more details about the main cast, side characters, and other important things), which i will eventually add to my neocities:

Train Chasers is a long term project of mine that puts more of a horror/mystery twist on the already mysterious world of Infinity Train. The fic takes place in the early 2000s. Amelia is the only character who gets picked up by the train at the same time she does in canon.

Two years before the plot of Train Chasers, Ryan Akagi and Min-Gi Park were two high school seniors who volunteered to chaperone middle school students on a field trip as part of a graduation requirement. They were placed in charge of four students: Mikayla King, Tulip and Lake Olsen, and Jesse Cosay. The group traveled to a forest on a nature hike. At some point, Ryan and Min Gi became momentarily distracted. A mysterious train appeared in the middle of the forest, and opened up in front of the kids. By the time Ryan and Min-Gi realized what had happened, they could only see what was left of Tulip getting sucked into the train before the doors suddenly shut and drove away. The two tried their best to chase after the train, but it seemingly disappeared without a trace, and there were no train tracks for them to follow. After a very lengthy and exhausting interrogation, the police ruled the disappearance a freak accident and cleared the two without charges. In the eyes of the town... they weren't so easily forgiven. The harassment got so bad that both ended up dropping out of school and Ryan eventually left town a year later.

When Train Chasers (the fic) actually starts, Grace comes into possession of a notebook talking about a weird "numbers train" that mentioned the same kids that went missing two years prior. With nothing better to do, Grace enlists Simon and a few old friends of hers to look into the case again and try to find that train again. She even runs into a few people who know more about the train than they let on.

Essentially: 50% of Train Chasers is getting on the train and finding the kids, the other 50% is getting off the train with the kids (and being able to finally clear Ryan and Min-Gi's names).

While not every single character will get deep focus outside of our main four + Amelia, you'll see a lot of non-protagonist characters pop up here and there, especially the denizens that accompany the main cast in canon (Especially Kez :D).

[springlock-suits]

"Who are the main characters?"

In my version of fnaf it's definitely William, as we follow him around the most during the story!

Previously I was really focused on Fredbear's Family Diner, and the origin to everything, because I love Fredbear's Family Diner

But while the diner is no doubt very fun to explore. I realized it's not what I really want from fnaf yknow?? I'm still trying to flesh the origins of everything out don't worry, but now I'm gonna TRY and be more focused on the fnaf 1 crew/the 90s location!

Maybe Fazbear Frights too, bc I love and adore Phone Dude

Maybe ill focus on the frights for the ballpit au, more than the "wouldn't it be cool if William wasn't evil and could interact with Phone Dude" that it currently is

.

"Main animatronics in your au?"

Definitely the classics! I'd say all the animatronics from the first 3 games are my priority here. as I'm trying to keep the 5 missing kids, the puppet and the purple guy the main focus of the story

Since it's mostly gonna be in the 90s location with a focus on the 5 missing kids, it's only natural the classics get the spotlight ^v^

I'm also gonna -try- and give the puppet more relevance! I need to figure out what I'm doing for the Fright's and if the story ends there to see what I want to do with her though

.

"Some info about the missing children?"

They all possess whatever their favorite animatronic was in life! William always gained the trust of his victims first so he knew which character they'd want to be

And, I've been refreshing my knowledge on some canon recently, and I really like how in the books the kids don't seem to know that William killed them, or that they're dead at all. They're just playing pretend with their bunny friend </3

So I'm tempted to add that! Bc it lets the kids be happy and devastates me

I can't give details on each individual yet, as I'm making up the cast and I've already posted about the foxy child. So all I know is Susie and Cassidy.

But hmm. Susie's dog possesses Carl the Cupcake

And Cassidy is different in my version. They can still be the most vengeful of the kids, but idk, I've never really liked how ucn characterized Cassidy. Being the "one you should not have killed" and forcing all the others to stay and torment William when they want to move on. I've never liked that

.

Trying to find a good balance between "the kids dont know they're dead and just think they're playing" and "the kids DO know they're dead and are incredibly vengeful and upset

Because like. I love BOTH ideas. But its ah, very hard to get them to both work at the same time. But I love them so much TWT

.

Decided to "redesign" the fnaf 1 location to make more sense to me as a pizza & arcade and as a functioning building

Accidentally made a distinct lack of places to put emergency exits for guests, which only adds to the authenticity as a Fazbear building I think

Animatronics can't see or enter the Saferoom or Entrance

I am willing to take questions and criticisms bc I do want to make this the map of my version

Gameplay wise, I'm not sure if the connecting rooms and lack of dead ends makes this harder or easier to survive. I'm assuming harder

.

"Have you ever thought of the menus they would sell in your AU?"

A little bit!

I think different locations had different menus!

Like the Diner! I think it had a little bit of everything, in line with 'Diner' name. All homemade pizzas, burgers, fries, chicken, milkshakes. It takes a LONG wait for your order to be done but you can bet its gonna be the most delicious food you've ever had. There was also a salad bar added later on in the Diner's life. The diner had the most unique menu, as it wasn't really trying to be a pizza and arcade like establishment, they just happened to be similar

When Fazbear Entertainment bought the company, they quickly slashed the Diner's menu. To be far more cost efficient, and so the restaurant could be considered competition with other pizza and arcades around at the time.

So Freddy Fazbear's Pizza was alot more focused on pizza, and pizza related items! Having such things as breadsticks, cheese bread, nachos, chicken wings, dessert pizzas and so on! They kept the salad bar, but it wasn't as well maintained

I like to think one of the locations, maybe '87? Had a pizza buffet. And of course like most pizza buffets had pasta and salads as well

Do you think any of them ever sold alcohol? I think so. Not the Diner, but at least 1 Freddy's era HAD to have had beer. Pizza places loved to have beer

[metukika]

ok you needing a second to understand that tumbel in tumblr saved me from my embarrassment for having misread your message xD hell yeah haha

maybe you could write us a lil post about your favorite character & why they are that :D (soz for not doin it myself i‘m not feeling like putting anything out there today)

and don‘t decide that you won‘t ever contribute to a bigger project that touches people yet !!!!!! YOU‘RE SO YOUNG you‘ve got the whole world waiting for you and you‘re ALREADY so good at art though. your art is already touching people, no reason why that shouldn‘t work if you should ever work with others on a bigger project!!! GET OUT THEREEE i mean also take your time but IF YOU WANT THAT ABSOLUTELY SHOOT YOUR SHOT KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN FOR OPPORTUNITIES i‘d personally love to see your work in something bigger :D nothing‘s set in stone <3 <3 <3 !!!

aww thank you so much anon! idk who you are but youre so kind to me... thats so nice!

about the whole future thing... i know i have a lot of time but i think because of some stuff coming up soon (when i leave school) im stressed about the future and my decisions in it entirely. idk what im gonna do if i need to go to the military lol like what job to take... i havent started driving and i dont understand shit about all the other stuff thats attached with going to the military im just stressed in general. i dont wanna end up staying in my parents house forever ig.

but i have a lot of time and i know that even if my connection with my friends fade away when they get recruited (which is... also something that could happen... oh god i dunno how to make irl friends) i still have my family, and probably the online world too. if i open commissions im pretty sure id get some work, but i dont think i could do that too much cuz i hate drawing things i dont wanna draw.

but, again, who knows what will happen. ill be fine haha, especially if there are people like you who care enough to write messages like these. most of my online friends are from twt so its always nice to see a tumblr fan <3 thank you anon.

(im realizing how depressed this is all making me sound like i promise its just my school hammering in the importance of the military signs up like i dont even know what part of the mess ill be in most of the time theyre teaching shit that doesnt concern me. im okay, im not dying!!)

now to actually talk about my favorite character! woohoo! happy topic change!

for the two people who read this and the one thats actually gonna read till the end, im putting a cut so this isnt annoying on ur dash (note to anon: this post is so so fucking long i know u prob asked me my fav character to cheer me up but dont force urself to read this whole thing just to be polite lmaooo but id appreciate it if anyone did cuz holy shit)

something that ive realized a while back is that usually when it comes to favorite characters of media, i have a type.

when i made this the character i had in mind where souda (danganronpa), aiura (saiki k) and teru (mp100).

after making the tweet i also thought of denji (csm) who fits right in, and also bakugou (mha) who doesnt, but he looks like half of the characters i did mention lol.

i think the whole social but nice thing came to because of all those shows and stories where the popular kid in school is the mean bully.. maybe i dislike this trope cuz i havent personally experienced any kind of bullying in my school, even as an observer so i cant relate to the experience of having this type of antagonist. the worst it ever got for me was when in fifth grade a girl made fun of me for crying and no one laughed. (shes still in my class over six years later and shes really nice not ufhduh were not friends but were friendly and i dont hold a grudge). maybe its just cuz im wholesome so i dislike any type of negative character. maybe.

that might sound stupid cuz i said i like bakugou, who i used to think of constantly, like for the entirety of 2021 he was in my mind it was annoying. but idk man not all my favs fit into this category ((shinguuji, saihara, yuuko, tweek (who also looks like them! what the fuck!) yuudai from sakana (why are they all blond?!? and men. more female characters what the fuck) barf bag (yes im an object show fan good morning)))

anyways. i like the popular but nice trope is what im saying. why are they all simps? i dont know honestly only one of the characters that i mentioned at the start is simping for someone i ship them with (terumob) (but the reason i even like teru in the first place might be cuz i saw terumob art, thought it was cute, and decided to search more art. i do that with a lot of characters when i dont watch the show (from the original list ive watched all of saiki k, watched playthroughs of the first 2 dr games, watched like a season of mp100 years ago and watched like 2 seasons of mha even before that. i get my filling of plot and character from meme videos, fanart, and fanfics. i understand enough.) and i get hooked on the ship (more examples include akiangel, kiribaku and the two gay boys from evangelion. a lot of homo happening. also whatever the fic version of this is but with denji and yoshida).

about the simping and the bakugou being mean-- i accept my character's flaws!!! i dont erase them!!! bakugou is an asshole and thats why i wanna see him get punished and learn from his mistakes, even if its a little hard! a great fic where this happens (but isnt the main storyline) is quirk: knife! which is probably my favorite non ship heavy fic, check it out!

my fav characters have flaws but just like how you need to embrace flaws in the people you love, whether that means helping them get better or accepting them, i embrace these flaws cuz it makes them who they are! souda, denji and auira wouldnt be themselves if they werent pushing the lines with their crushes and idk what the fuck bakugou would be if he wasnt what he was.

alright lets actually start talking about my favorite character now.

so, right now, my favorite character of all time is-- ding ding ding-- kazuichi souda! who i already mentioned.

look at him! idk if the one and a half people who are reading this know him, but if u know denji, who is a more popular character atm, then imagine that but more wimpy.

the first time i encountered this character i was watching game grump's playthrough of the second game. i watched their first and enjoyed it but didnt really join the fandom. i didnt know anything about the second so i was going in blind like arin and dan, so theres a chance that whatever i thought about the characters was biased and connected to how they feel.

at first i really liked his design. a lot of the characters have small and complicated details but souda is probably the most simple design, not including hinata, but unlike him souda has a lot of bright colors that draw the eye in! i dont particularly prefer designs with sharp teeth but i think its a pretty nice quirk, since its another part of him that makes him look intimidating. theres a headcanon that he filed themselves but i honestly think he wouldnt do that, and prefer the headcanon that its genetic, even if it makes less sense. but danganronpa, and their designs, dont make sense. i think these little strange quirks are better when they arent thoughtout or have reason. he has sharp teeth becuz. just cuz.

if u dont know what happens in the game im just gonna say that the plot doesnt really matter, cuz really the only growth souda experiences is with his relationship to hinata (the main character) and his trust to his survivor friends that makes him stronger and convinces him to leave the virtual reality. im not gonna be talking about the plot in detail. i also havent watched the anime so im not gonna get into whatever he does there. i do know that he makes some cute faces in it, which is pretty awesome.

but, yeah, besides his design, at the start i truthfully didnt really like him lmaooo he was kind of stalkerish towards sonia (ill prob get into their relationship later), he is also a wimp but honestly... i get it hes stuck in a killing game i would be scared of anything too. i feel like of all of the cast, from all the games, souda is probably one of the best depictions of an actual teenager that might exist. of course he has his obnoxious moments, but in a way that a dumb teenager would have. i dont know when i started liking him, maybe after discovering soudam? hmm.

kazuichi is the ultimate mechanic, which is one of the talents in the game that actually gets used? he makes the communicators in chap 3 and fixes the elevator in chap 4. besides that, he is also important to the second chapter since he helped tie up komaeda and he also brought hinata to the diner, though that has nothing to do with his talent.

he learned to be a great mechanic from working at his dad's repair shop or garage or whatever its called. its mentioned that their family is pretty poor, and i think the concept of a character being at one point or another un-wealthy pretty interesting (did that come strange? sorry). he worked to help get their family money he is a good boy, he mentions being better than his dad too. he doesnt look like the typical mechanic, except from the greasy hair and jumpsuit (im talking specifically about his color scheme) and thats another one of those quirks that make no sense but i just like haha

speaking of his parents, lets talk about a popular headcanon that fans have of souda's dad (before we start i wanna state that my opinion on this topic and the topic of souda relationship towards sonia and his trust issues were all stem from an analysis video of him on youtube, if u know u know, so if i want someone more competent talking about it go there, but if u dont care enough to research it or ure only reading because u like me and wanna hear me talk about something i care about dw im gonna go into detail about these anyways

the hc is that souda's dad physically abuses him. i wanna talk about why dont agree (if u wanna skip this part ill put *** when it ends so just go there <3). this hc stems from a story he tells hinata in one of the free time events where he didnt go to his previous school trips because he wanted to save money for his family, even though he really wanted to go, and he says something along the lines of how his dad "beat the crap outta him" when he didnt go.

do i think his dad hit him? probably. i dont really know how common this type of discipline is in japan, or in places with more un-wealthy people so this might be normal to them. does that make that okay? obviously not. but if the only example we get for him hitting souda is after souda does something good for the family in his own expense, it wont make sense for his father to be mad about it, right? i think he was upset his son had to give up his happiness for them, even if it was to save money. the analysis vid said it might be souda just using more dramatized words for it. He was hesitant to tell hinata that he was picked on at school, i dont think hed just admit to being abused so casually. i think his dad might have smacked him from time to time when he was younger but probably stopped the more souda grew up. if his dad really hated him he wouldnt beat him after doing something that would benefit the dad, is what im saying.

also i think that the way souda acts doesnt reflect someone who would be regularly abused... its not like im an expert, but if we for example look at tsumiki, who was canonically abused and bullied regularly, we can see a great difference. yes, souda tends to be caught off guard or scared of stuff, but usually its less of other people and more about the situation around him. he was scared of monokuma and the monobeasts and the morning after the killing gama announcement. he's also generally not that apologist about his stupid behavior... for example he doesnt feel remorse for tying up komaeda, and even threatens to tie up kuzuryuu too. i also think he said something about wanting to punch one of the other guys? this might be cuz he tends to blurt out his thoughts stupidly and doesnt know how to hold his tongue (something that, if he was abused, would probably get him in trouble) but he never recoils from what he said. he whines about being judged, like after letting slip that he was thinking of sonia in a creepy way, but he never goes back and is afraid that someone might punish him or hurt him. like how tsumiki apologizes for the smallest thing at claims that she'll take any punishment.

it might also be because i generally dont like hcing characters with abusive parents haha. i know for a lot of characters its a part of what makes them who they are, but if thats not the case i feel like its always to excuse the character from some frowned upon trait they have.

its a bit difficult to explain so ill take an example from a different character from a different show. todoroki from mha was abused as a child, and its a part of what makes him him, and its a big part of his character, even if hes not in that situation anymore. i wont deny it. now, theres a hc that some people like to believe about bakugou's parents, specifically his mom, being abusive. this isnt canon. first of all everyone is entitled to hc what they want but a lot of the time i feel this is a way to explain his asshole behavior (also i just love mitsuki). i dont like excusing his fucked up actions and blaming his parents. i think that him being an asshole from the ideals that he himself made is kind of what made him interesting. he believes in what he learned from his own experiences that he and only he had. his stupid child thinking made him the gross person he is, and thats way more interesting than blaming his parents' behavior, like we can do with reason in todoroki's case. todoroki acts antagonistic at the start of the show because of the pressure his dad put on him.

now going back to souda, by making his dad abusive a lot of people linked that to him being a creep towards sonia. while i do see how his parents and their expectations might be a motivator, i prefer to blame souda himself for his wrong actions. i dont want to excuse his actions like that. its more interesting to see him grow from the ideals and reasonings he made himself.

***

now let's talk about his relationship with hinata! woo!

canonically, hinata is the person souda is closes to in the game, even though most of the time hinata is just tolerating his stupid behavior. except in his free time events maybe. their relationship is probably the biggest character development souda gets.

lets talk about his past a little more.

souda tells hinata that he used to be picked on for looking like a nerd. he had black hair (but i hc it more like dark brown, because reminder this is a post gushing about my fav character first and an canalization second), brown eyes (in hc world dull pale brown cuz a lot of the char's eyes are dull and pale colored) and glasses (hc: thin and rectangle shaped). he's not really a nerd... except that he's probably good at math and that type of things, since he builds machines and all. if i remember correctly, he says his bullied got away with what they did because he tends to be naive and trusts too easily. he was also used by his best friend that cheated off of his test, blamed souda for it (which he didnt really mind, showcasing how much not a nerd he is if he doesnt care about his studying and tests like that) and then kinda ghosted after feeling bad. but at the time souda was really heartbroken and felt betrayed, this whole situation gave him trust issues because that his naive heart cant tell when someone really wants to be his friend or if they'll drop him when they dont need him anymore.

souda and hinata start off being friends because souda didnt like any of the other guys enough (fair enough, hinata is the most normal one lol) and he tolerated him enough to go to the diner on the second island to spy on the girls with him. at the time kuzuryuu was still an asshole to everyone, but the two do get friendlier after the second trial (survivor boys bff agenda. i did say "bff coded" didnt i?)

souda tells hinata that after his ex best friend left him, he kinda went through something-- he dyed his hair, put in contacts, and pierced his ears (which i like to think was really scare to him) (and i assume this is when he started to wear bright colors, but i like to think he was always a fan of them (aiura and teru kinnie)) to make himself more intimidating (like i said in the list! remember the list?!) so that he wont be picked on. i assume the bullying he experienced was more emotional that physical, and he was probably called names for his nerdy appearance and was made to do tasks for toxic friends and somethings like that. tsumiki was physically bullied and she has bandages all over her design while souda rolls up all his sleeves and has his collar bone exposed while there is no marks on him. maybe he's have some scars from beginner's mechanical mistakes but thats hc territory.

anyways, because of his appearance change, he got some attention from flirtations girls and said that it had intimidated him. i imagine that while he was in his nerd looking mode, he didnt get much attention from the other sex so when they only started approaching him with the assumption he's some punk badass, that was probably a bit overwhelming for him and thats why he has a strained relationship with the female sex. he does kind of sexualize the girls, specifically in the second chapter, but honestly its not really that bad. it kind of even feels a little forced, like he said nanami had "huge jugs" and wonders if this "is what moe gap is" or something like that but he doesnt even say anything about wanting her lmao. the only girl he really shows any interest is sonia, and he mostly gushes about her beauty, instead of her body. not that thats really any better ofc.

he does get along with some of the girls or at least acts normal and not incel-y towards them, like whenever he's angry at saionji, when he felt awkward next to tsumiki or when he made minimaru for owari (though he did mainly do that to impress sonia). when alter ego enoshima suggest putting him between her boobs or whatever batshit crap she said he just yelled he's get crushed, so like. good for him for not being toooo bad. so yeah i do think there are reasons why souda's best friend woudlnt be a girl (for now, at least) and thats why it really is hinata.

and while hinata has other friends, his and souda's connection is special <3 some examples: he is friends with nanami, but they dont really get each other, or at least hinata doesn't feel too connected at her at times cuz shes like a robot and doesnt really get emotions to the full extent. canonically, his and komaeda's relationship is just not... bros, yknow? whatever it is its not "bros". he and souda are bros. i know that he and kuzuryuu consider each other brothers but i feel like while the friendship they have is great, hinata would be more comfortable just letting loose and being stupid with souda. they could connect by being stupid together and distracting one another from the bad in the world by being fun. cuz souda can be fun when he isnt stressed.

but since souda is an emotional character (i dunno if i mentioned this, if u didnt know souda beforehand hes emotional as shit and cries constantly, my beloved) they can get close the two of them emotionally and are empathetic enough to be able to comfort each other. that is, when souda trusts his enough to do that.

thats right. as much as id like to say souda is loyal like a dog, he doesnt really show that in the game lol. because of his experience with his ex friend, souda has trust issues, which i think i already touched upon (idk this is so fucking long im tryna go thru this one topic at a time but good god) and these issues come up in his and hinata's relationship, mainly chap 4. to put it simply cuz honestly the plot doesnt really matter in this context: souda suspects hinata to be a traitor, and because in chap 4 the characters are not allowed to eat, this probably makes him more stressed and causes him to think even more rationally. after the chap is over, in souda's last free time event, he invites hinata to the beach and order him to punch himself.

his actions are really silly here, but basically: hinata shows in souda trust, which makes souda feel like a bad friend, because he couldnt bring himself to trust hinata even though hinata didnt do anything wrong. he feels that their friendship is unfair and that he's the cause of this problem. so i guess he knows he'll get into an argument or a fight because of it, or maybe he wants to give hinata a reason to not trust him so he bring hinata to the beach so they could fist fight. but souda doesnt like to harm people cuz soda is a good boy tm so he asks hinata to do the work for him (which he does not do lol. they communicate and talk like normal friends). this is where souda tells hinata about his past being bullied, after in the last free time event hinata said he could see souda hanging out with the cool kids, so this is where he confides that hes not a cool kid. anyways souda comes to the conclusion that hes more scared of being a bad friend and a coward because of his trust issued that actually being betrayed, and tells hinata that he'll trust him. hooray!

in my mind they are suchhhh good friends. i dont mind shipping souda with a lot of the characters, but it think their friendship is the most important to me. i love them!

now lets get into his relationship with sonia!

i do, in fact, think that his crush on her is fake. i do think he believes in it. but he does not realize that the created a version of her brought on by her general politeness, her status as a princess and her beauty, in his mind that every day strays farther away from the real sonia. he denies her liking of the occult and other scary stuff that turns him off and he acts shocked when she admits to being a virgin (yikes. at least he doesnt really shame her. i think it just ruins his image of her-- again, yikes-- but he ignores it mostly. like he ignores her, the real her, most of the times)

i dont know why he needs a romantic relationship specifically so desperately, but i can think of why he wants that puppy love admiration that he has for her. she, or at least the way he makes her in his mind, is wildly out of her league. sure he wants a girlfriend, but deep down he knows hell never get her. thats why when she turns him down again and again he only gets hurt for like a minute. she even suggests she would rather he be the blackened in the 4th trial and he gets over it pretty quickly. this is the reason he wants to like someone out of his reach so much-- because he cant get hurt from her. he isnt being betrayed or heartbroken like his ex best friend did to him (yes this is about the trust issues again) because he never expected to be with her in the first place. by expecting failure by chasing a girl that is so so out of his league (a pretty perfect princess) he knows what he gets when hes turned down. to him, this is better than actually making an effort with someone he is genuinely attached to because in that case he might actually get his feelings hurt. we see this with his relationship with hinata, though it isnt in a romantic sense. sadly, after they become close friends, he still chases after sonia, but that might be because the player isnt guaranteed to play all of souda's free time events.

this stuff probably will take time for souda to understand. ofc this doesnt really justify his actions and creepy behavior towards her... i like to think that at some point (i constantly forget that dr is a game about killing each other and the apocalypse, but ig this can take place in here too since they both survive) he understands where his problem stem from, maybe with a conversation with hinata or kuzuryuu and he learns and he asks forgiveness from sonia and changes his behavior. the long and hard way!!! my boy did something stupid and he has to make up for it!!!! he will take responsibility because thats what good character writing is!!

itll probably be difficult to come to terms that the girl in his mind, that i do believe he actually fell in love with, is not real. he will cope <3

briefly i'd like to mention souda's and kuzuryuu's relationship i think they are bffs #2 honestly i feel that the both of them plus hinata could be the best trio they are such wholesome guys from all corners of the bro spectrum let the be friends<333 idk maybe even add owari. owari and souda sibling energy <3 this is just hc territory at this point. mioda and souda sibling energy!!!!! for more kuzuryuu and souda friendship read the fic Fuyuhiko and Kazuichi's Guide to Despair Disease: A How-To Take Care of Your Friends(?) Without Spiraling Out Of Control Story. still a wip.

hmmm that was a lot. lets talk about some hcs cuz believe it or not i dont just think of his as what he is canonically, but also what he could be!

ok lets talk about appearances (still canon atm:) he is short-- one of the shortest guys in the cast cuz fuyuhiko and teruteru dont count (thats a plus) and he is, sadly, pretty ripped. it makes since cuz he prob carries heavy stuff and moves his arms a lot for his talent of being a mechanic but when a (male) character is TOO ripped and not for a good reason (for example theres a good reason why nidai or oowada are physically strong cuz of their talents, and some characters are just himbos that deserve it like momota) i just look at them like :|. but it think souda deserves some strong arms <3 he is a cuddler. he would. i just dont think he's impressively ripped. like i think he could sprint fast, but not for long, and that girls wouldnt flawk him for his arms (if they already knew who he was) cuz all in all he is still a wimp loser and he will stay as such, please and thank you.

im a big fan of his narrow eyes. theyre just. dont make sense on him i love it. just like the sharp teeth, he is blessed with looking the opposite of his personality.

now lets talk about post canon appearances! in the world of canon, where the most tragic event in history happens and they were a part of the despair refinements and they live the neo world program (i always forget they dont live in my lil modern day normal aus, ugh), i think he would wake up still looking like how he did in his depair era. idk how long theyre like that but this is my personal hc: hair that reaches his chest, some ugly dulled down pink still sticking to the tips of his messy hair, no hat </3 but his hair is long enough that he doesnt have that hedgehog thing going on </3, no contacts, no glasses, probably scars over his arms and one over the side of his lips like that rio penguin from madagascar (also curse that show for making my tiny stupid child brain think there are penguins in the desert. at least there are such a thing as beach penguins... hmm). i think he would cut his hair to be shorter that it is in canon, a bit longer than hajime's and would resemble saihara's except brown, parted and no ahoge. he wold be dispensation by the length. he would also wear a cap (the normal way) and with his natural colors back, he would look very snuggble :)) he would hug everyone he would be the comfort giver at least to the survivors (this is the part where u realize how insame i am for him lol)

in a world where the end of it didnt happen, i feel like he would feel kind lonely for a while after school, and wouldnt care enough to wear contacts and would go back to glasses, and he wouldnt dye his hair (i just really like his naturality okay i know i said i liked him at first for his colors but this is character growth! he is learning that he doesnt need to be intimidating to get friends!!!) his hair would be a little longer than canon but not by much. i just have this au where he works in an office and there he meets kamukura (who, personality wise is just hinata but depressed) and they become bffs dont at me, and this is how he looks in that au, wearing a button down without the tie and the sleeves rolled up. i do think hed wear obnoxious colors in his free time tho <3

maybe i should get into ships a little? mostly i shipped him with tanaka because i love me some rivals to lovers that isnt angst filled and is mostly just petty. theys either be salty towards each other or tanaka would be very intense in his friendship and souda would be tsundere-ish, not the obnoxious type tho. imagine how denji acts towards yoshida. (denji and souda are actually really alike. before i knew anything about csm my twt mutual told me id prob like denji cuz i like souda and.. well he was right)

but recently i dont really focus on shipping souda with anyone as much as i focus on his friendship with hinata (am i the only one who watched gg compilations and put their faces behind the silly conversations? like i imagine their sprites laughing while the video plays. is that weird? them and also saihara&momota. cuz theyre the same relationship!!! tactful mc and their friendly dumb bro! they!!!). also if u recall i made that drawing of souda with a bunch of ships so its not like loyal lol.

also why are souda and tanaka together constantly in the anime... i think its the end song where theres a slide show of all the characters in class in places like a picnic and the beach and stuff and the two of them are almost together. theyre at the very least friends. that dynamic where they both look intimidating but theyre both so fucking stupid. frienemies. <333 they are so <333 theyd be friedns at least!!! thank you for the anime for realizing that.

i also like to imagine that he and tsumiki would be friends <3 they were both bullied, they both cry a lot and arent really taken seriosuly, at least when it comes to their emotions. i think theyd hug and cry together and be friends :) also as couple they could be very cute.

i dont really know what more to say... i think this is it! i dont know what about kazuichi souda makes me love him so much. he is flawed but not to the point of being unlikable. he is unique but can easily be related to! i care about him so much... the amount of aus i come up and put him in... i dont post so much about him, but know he is my love. ofc i dont have romantic feelings for him some ppl just thirst over their favs i wanna preface that aint the case. not cuz of his age (im close to him in age) but cuz i just... dont feel and romantic or thristy feelings towards anyone so istg if anyone says something stupid to me about that.

thats all! i think this is the longest post ive ever made? when i got this ask last night i thought id write about all those characters i mentioned at the start but then when i went to bed i thought about my answer and realized i have a lot to say lol.

to the one person who actually read until the end, if u even exist (who knows myabe this was for nothing, i still had fun), you're insane. and i hope u have a great rest of ur day. if u didnt know who souda was before this... well u certainly do now (also why did u read this?) sometimes i just gotta rant about something i adore haha. its been a while since i went all out cuz me and my irl dont watch the same shows. i hope i made whoever read this love souda! at least a little!

this post is 5787 words long... im not rereading this

[onigiri-dorkk]

Season 4 Headcanon Rewrites!

I posted on twt and it ended up being a really fun thread about how my headcanon(s) based off of how Microcosmos ends plays into Season 4/Marley arc and beyond!! Yesterday I spent time rewatching parts and I got sooo giddy and excited because of these thoughts.

This post will contain my fanfic spoilers:

Basically, at the start of Season 4, Levi and Mikasa are now essentially engaged and hoping to wed someday after the war :') Unfortunately, they still have to go out to Marley to battle, retrieve Eren, and even after all of that they'll still need to deal with the actual events of war that we all know follow. Despite that, viewing them as fiances is actually really damn FUN

My first headcanon is that Levi kicking Eren in front of Mikasa again is EXTRA personal. Not only did Eren force them to come back to Marley again just weeks after Levi and Mikasa went back to retrieve him, Eren also demanded the other Scouts to come, which resulted in many Scout losses. Eren is also the one who forces them to work with Zeke, who had tormented Mikasa in Marley. It's pretty much a big "fuck you, Eren, for all of the inconvenience you cause to my betrothed and I"

Then we have these scenes of Levi fighting alongside the Scouts and demanding them to simply live. There are thousands of reasons why this is one of my favorite shots/moments of Levi, but with the new headcanon, you can feel the desperate hope Levi holds onto -- the hope for a long future with Mikasa. ;-; In my final chapter, he talks about how the reason why he can do this -- attack inside the Internment Zone, knowing there are innocents there, work alongside Zeke who he HATES, etc -- is because he wants to fight to have a safe life w Mikasa. So it just feels like there could be another layer of motivation for him to win and succeed. (Tbh, I can't see canon Levi actually being okay with attacking Liberio anyway)

Again, we see Levi is fighting alongside the Scouts there ^ but all of a sudden, Levi appears to slash the Jaw titan when it bites Eren! Mikasa was the one closely fighting and protecting Eren in canon here, so Levi showing up feels like he was watching over Mikasa's safety and task even while he was off fighting alongside the Scouts. We don't see their scenes together here BUT it's cool knowing Levi and Mikasa were directly fighting alongside each other again in this moment.

This is another fun headcanon I had that I almost wanted to write into my story at the end.

We know that Mikasa has been Levi's right-hand soldier since Season 3. She is his strongest, most reliable, most trusted soldier he has and they have carried out even the most deadly of missions together.

And YET... Levi is carrying out this mission with Zeke on his own (obviously with other Scouts, but you know what I mean).

I headcanon that the higher-ups no longer allow Levi and Mikasa to work closely together on missions anymore because of their relationship/engagement. It's why Mikasa isn't with him, despite again being his closest and best soldier. More so, I also headcanon that Levi would have refused Mikasa to be around Zeke, anyway, considering what Zeke did to her in Marley (my Ch13).

Going on, it gives Levi even MORE rage against Zeke, especially when he tortures the crap out of Zeke. Levi is already familiar with beating up a Jaeger brother for grievances against Mikasa lmaoooo.

He said "you torture my wife? I torture you back, bitch"

Then we get this scene... which implies Levi and Mikasa's first reunion since departing the Marley airship. I can see them being so so so emotional/holding back their tears as they enter the battle at Liberio. But I can also see Mikasa being EXTREME emotional at her first sight of Hange bringing her an injured Levi. Her fiance is brutalized; she (anyone, really) has never seen Levi this injured and hurt before and she realizes the war really did almost take away Levi from her. ;-; Levi is happy to be alive to see her again.

(Side note, I can see Hange saving Levi and he panics asking if Mikasa is ok, and Hange is the good friend who tells him she's safe, and wants to make sure she brings Levi safely to Mikasa as soon as possible... she gives them a moment alone when they reunite ;-;)

OK now skipping to the end...

All of the final battle stuff. BADASS SHIP STUFF. Like "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" vibes where the world's safety revolves around these two lovers. Final motivation to win the battle so that they can get married and live a long happy life together after all of it is done and over!!! It makes the Ackercare moments sweeter, and makes Mikasa saving Levi from the titan's mouth even more emotional.

Obviously... Mikasa wouldn't be putting on that damn scarf. She also obviously wouldn't be kissing Eren's corpse head LMFAO.

I imagine she'd have a short moment to pause and grieve Eren's death after cutting his head, but what snaps her quickly back to the present is her anxious self trying to get back to Levi (and the rest of the squad). Because who stays alive is more important to her than who died...

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Isn't that fun though?! Thinking of Levi and Mikasa as fiances throughout all of this ;-; I'm CRYING! Maybe this delulu headcanon post is still my way of continually grieving the end of my story. I hate that I wrote this all out now though because now I want to dabble in scene rewrites as a mini-fic that would pair as a small series to Microcosmos... LOL idk!??!

[catboy-jaebeom]

week seven of #got7revival: the moment that made you an ahgase

this question is incredibly hard to answer, because I don't think it was one single moment, it was a couple that made me think "okay, yeah, maybe I'm in this deeper than I thought" and then didn't turn back around, lol, because I didn't feel I really wanted to. so, here's a few moments during the last one year and eight month since I got into kpop and GOT7.

late-March 2021

I am looking for faceclaims for my original characters and Pinterest offers me the famous pictures of Jaebeom and that shoot on the rooftop with his anti-eyebrow piercing and the nose ring, and I am gone. my friend A shows me another one of them and kinda looks up GOT7 out curiosity and sends me some of their songs; I spend the next few hours — and days — on a deep dive into the rabbit hole, and the rest is history.

July 2021

A sends me the bodyshop ad Youngjae did for that white musk perfume. I'm out with friends at the time and in the inner city, shopping district. about twenty minutes later I've bought the shower gel of that line. I tell another kpop friend ( a veteran army and atiny ) that I think now that I've actually bought a product simply because one of my kpop boys has promoted it ( and of course because I actually love the smell ) there is no going back for me. she laughs but agrees.

late summer 2021

curious about Jinyoung's acting efforts, A and I watch He Is Psychometric and love it, and then start with The Devil's Judge ( which I have yet to finish, yes, I know, gods, where has the past year gone to wjkddk ). I also watch Yaksha on release date in April the following year.

mostly winter 2021

Mark releases a couple songs and I remember writing a whole Text on how My Life has moved me. ( tho I've never sent it to him or anything, but man, My Life. )

April 2022

for my ahgase anniversary I create a fan twt account, and my first tweet is something along the lines of "now that we might be getting a comeback soon, I might as well." mind you, that was before they ever confirmed anything, but that was definitely one of the moments where I realized that, yes, I'm definitely in this for the long run now.

May 5th 2022

the Yugyeom concert in Berlin!! my very first kpop concert ever, and my gods was it good. I won't forget meeting so many kind ahgase who immediately adopted me when realizing how baby I was in terms of being an ahgase. and I definitely won't forget Yugyeom performing and dancing and speaking English ;; it was a great day.

May 21st – May 23rd 2022

comeback weekend !!!! I talked about that already in my Fave Era post, but the fun we had not only on that weekend but also in the weeks leading up to it with all the concept pictures and the teaser for the album tracks and the MV, and then when we edited all those hardhats onto our icons and all. what a good time that was, wow. also when JayB managed to transfer the rights for GOT7 and all the music and all that, I remember I was so incredibly proud of him, of them, and of me in a way because I had clearly picked the right group to stan.

September-ish 2022

since I kept talking about GOT7 and other kpop groups to one of my mutuals on here, he asked to listen to them, whether I could send him some MV or song to listen to, one that I recommend. ever since, I keep throwing him new videos and have made playlists and share exciting news with him, and I feel if you're at the point where you can casually and calmly recommend their music to someone else and it feels great to see them like your group, you've definitely earned your place, right?

Honourable Mentions

somewhen in April last year I was watching one of those things you didn't notice in ____ videos, and finally realized that Mark is in fact the oldest and not the maknae. yes, he fooled another one. that was also the moment I realised I finally knew all of their names and could attach them to faces so that was nice.

when I listened to the mindset clips Jaebeom had made, and felt so very comforted and understood. him sharing all of that is something very precious to me, I feel honoured he did that and that we are able to hear it. I think he's helping so many people with it.

that afternoon a few months ago when I went through yt and watched a lot of X reacts to GOT7 for the first time videos, and let me tell you how much fun it was to, like, see them fall in love, vibe with the songs, and point out certain members like I had a year prior. also the amounts of time people already knew Jackson but nobody else kadkkfkdd.

anyway, thank you @def-jaes for hosting this GOT7 revival this was so so so much fun! especially to see everyone come together and create !! we should do that more often <3

[mikoshiba]

cool story. i once was liveblogging my fail relationship with that crush because when i thought i was making progress he suddenly thanked me for finally giving him the courage to confess to the girl he truly loved. sobs. and well i randomly thought about my ex so i said well lets see what hes up to and while i was there why not check his partner's twt, just curious. and then i saw them talking about how someone was vaguing them and how the person didnt know they already knew who they were. huh ok. some posts before theyre complaining about how they got hq!! spoiled for snooping around and then i stop because i just reblogged a haikyuu post with tons of spoilers and then i realize it was about me and they mistook the people in my post as they and my ex (??) and then i found their tumblr and they had the same theme and posts and carrd layout and interests as me. for some time i just checked on them once in a while bc it was so interesting and then they messaged me saying sorry it was just jealousy um ok whatever it was just weird but i just hope they dont see this nothing against them it would just be awkward