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tennessoui · 3 years

Note

The divorced fic was so cute i want to scream. Does Obi have any time to be sad or are Anakin and his little demons always there to distract him from his infinite sadness

so i know most everyone wants to know what anakin does about The Kiss but here's a bit of light hearted angst a year before that (because humanity is inherently whatever but i am inherently evil)

aka

the immediate aftermath of the Router Incident (1.4k)

The night of the day of what will come to be known as The Router Incident starts off with a bang.

Obi-Wan gets home a bit later than normal. Not because his work drags on longer than usual, but because he is, on the subject of all things even passably related to his personal life, a coward.

It’s been at least ten hours since he left the house with the goddamn wifi router tucked under his arm because Anakin had said something about finding a new place.

As if this isn’t the twenty-first century. As if Anakin doesn’t have a phone with unlimited data. As if Anakin isn’t the sort of person to walk five miles to the nearest coffeeshop with his kids in their stroller, just to use their wifi to email Obi-Wan a series of italicized question marks.

Obi-Wan’s been practicing his apology ever since he got that email. I’m really sorry, I promise I’m not a controlling megalomaniac. I just panicked because I’m not that good at letting go of things. You’d think I’d have learned by now, but apparently I only know how to dig my heels in whenever I think people are starting to pull away. Apologies again, life is not a game of tug-of-war, and I promise I do know that.

He practices his apology, of course, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t also try to put it off until the last possible moment. When he leaves the building, his car is the only one still in the lot.

I’m really sorry. Here’s the router back. I support your decision. Your kids will be great. I know you probably won’t let them see me, because that’s a bit weird if we don’t all live together, and you also don’t use social media, which is great because I also don’t use social media, but I would have made a Facebook account just to keep up with your family. It’s meant more than I can say to have something to come home to this past year, and I understand that you can’t put your life on hold for a lonely old man like me, and I will endeavor from now on to not impede your search for a new place to live.

No, too needy, he thinks at a red light, dragging his hand over his beard in defeat. He won’t beg Anakin to stay.

He would very much like to beg Anakin to stay, but he hadn’t even begged Satine to stay, and he had been in love with her.

He just enjoys Anakin’s company. His presence. Unwinding next to Anakin after a difficult day teaching is one of the things he looks forward to the most.

And this past holiday season, they’d had a big dinner at his house, filled to the brim with Anakin’s friends and his friends and some people from the local grocery store they’d met when out shopping together, and it had been so loud and so amazing. Nothing had been left untouched, there had been food on the ceiling (Obi-Wan suspects Leia to this day, but Luke had confessed), there had been leftovers for days.

You can’t just give me holidays like that and then take them away, Obi-Wan thinks angrily as he turns into his neighborhood. What will I do next winter, then?

He has to sit in his car for a second after parking, just to calm down. He’s the one in the wrong, he reminds himself. Anakin has all the right in the world to want to leave. It was never Obi-Wan’s family to begin with.

It was never Obi-Wan’s family to begin with.

When he opens the door, he’s met with the sound of children screaming and crying.

Luke rushes at him and jumps on him with enough force that he reels backwards, almost out of the house. He drops his bag on the floor in order to steady the child.

Luke is bawling his head off right next to Obi-Wan’s ear so it’s very, very difficult to hear what a red-faced Anakin is trying to say.

And then Leia runs up to him, tugs at his free hand until he looks down at her, and then stomps her little foot with a scowl. “I hate you!” she declares just as loudly as Luke is crying, before her tiny face breaks into tears and she runs off.

“Oh, for the love of--” Anakin shouts, throwing his hands up in the air and chasing after his daughter.

Obi-Wan, ridiculously hurt beyond measure and without a clue about what’s happening, goes to sit down on the couch, still gently cradling Luke’s body to his as the boy continues to weep.

“Hush,” he says soothingly. “And, ah. Please tell me what’s gotten into the Skywalkers now.”

Luke only sniffles and rubs his snotty nose all over Obi-Wan’s shoulder.

Well. It’s laundry day tomorrow anyway.

“Daddy says you hate us,” Luke mumbles, just as Anakin comes back into the living room, notably sans Leia.

Obi-Wan feels his mouth fall open in shock. “Daddy says what?” he asks, very slowly, making dangerous eye contact with Anakin over the top of Luke’s blond head.

Anakin flushes an even darker shade of red and looks around the room, as if that’ll save him.

“Daddy says we gotta go because this is your house and we don’t wanna stay over our, um. Welcome. We can’t reproach on your space, which means you hate us.”

“Encroach,” Anakin corrects, which Obi-Wan does not think is the thing that really needs to be corrected. When he tries to communicate this with his eyes, Anakin gulps and says quite quickly, “I’m gonna go check on Leia actually.”

Coward.

“Luke,” Obi-Wan says gently. “Your daddy is just being very, very dumb, a trait I pray with all my heart skips a generation.”

Luke blinks at him, his little eyebrows furrowed and his button nose bright red from all of his crying.

“I don’t hate you at all,” Obi-Wan says. “I love both you and your sister very much.”

“Then why do we gotta leave?” Luke complains. “I don’t want to go, we could never play Space Pirates and Lava Dragons at the old place, it was way too small.”

Obi-Wan thinks privately that his house, while certainly big enough, is by no means the proper size for how rambunctious the twins get when they’re playing Space Pirates and Lava Dragons.

“Well,” Obi-Wan hums consideringly. “I don’t want you to leave either.”

“You don’t?” Luke asks, eyes wide and hopeful.

Obi-Wan shakes his head. “I really don’t. But it’s not my decision to make, Luke.”

“It’s Daddy’s,” Luke concludes, head hanging low. “And Daddy wants to go.”

Obi-Wan ignores the way that sentence drives what feels like a knife straight through his heart. “Yes, well,” he coughs. “Your daddy won’t do anything he knows you and your sister really don’t want.”

Luke looks contemplative. Obi-Wan wonders if he should feel really bad or downright awful for manipulating a child in this way. But needs must.

“And he won’t listen to me,” he continues gently, smoothing down the front ends of the boy’s soft hair. “Because your daddy can be very stubborn when he thinks he’s doing something right.”

“He’ll listen to me and Leia though?” Luke asks, head cocked and eyes bright.

Obi-Wan nods very seriously. “I think he would if you both asked very nicely and thought about a lot of good reasons why you should stay here.”

“I can think of loads! And Leia can think of a ton more probably!” Luke exclaims with renewed energy, launching himself off of Obi-Wan’s lap and up the stairs, ostensibly to their shared bedroom.

Obi-Wan leans back against the couch, equal parts amused, exhausted, and hurt. He’ll need to have a serious talk with Anakin soon. He’d thought the man knew that his home was his as well. Yes, Anakin still paid rent, an unfortunate but necessary sort of system, but they’ve never been normal roommates. And Anakin isn’t a guest who could overstay his welcome.

He’s. Well.

Obi-Wan doesn’t know exactly what Anakin is to him, but he had hoped it was obvious to Anakin at least that Obi-Wan would not ever grow tired of his presence in his life.

So they do have some things to talk about.

But hopefully this means that Obi-Wan won’t actually have to apologize for the router incident, seeing as Anakin’s fuck-up caused much larger waves.

#you want me to think my five year olds know how to create an APA styled bibliography #Obi-Wan???#asks #the kids put together a powerpoint of Reasons They Have To Stay #some of it is obviously written by the kids #other bullet points are things like about school zones and bus routes and neighborhood safety #even if obi-wan refuses to admit he helped them with it #anakin side eyes him the entire time #ESPECIALLY when theres a bibliography as the last slide #and obi-wan is just fake proud #wiping away a tear #'i guess all those games of professor and student really paid off'#KUWSK

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ddaeng-danvers · 4 years

Text

dreams

pairing: anakin skywalker x reader

genre: fluff

summary: in which you and anakin are padawans, and a night of braiding each other’s hair leads to something more

warnings: the absolute briefest mention of smut, mentions of anxiety

word count: 2258

a/n: i’ve never written for star wars so i apologize for any inconsistencies, and i’m newly back to writng in general so this is kind of a mess (and unedited btw) also!! this was inspired by @passable-talent ‘s anakin padawan headcannon!! go check out their works they are all so fantastic!!

masterlist

You open your eyes when you hear the sound of a lightsaber retracting. The blue of Anakin’s saber is gone, and you turn to your side and switch your green one off as well. Anakin is practically laying on top of you, having just pinned you while training. His knees are on either side of your hips, and his face only inches from yours.

“Gotcha,” Anakin smirks. You laugh from underneath him, before playfully pushing him off.

“I let you win, y’know. I don’t think your ego could take another defeat.” You chuckled back as you stood from the floor. Anakin stands up a moment later, laughing at your commentary. The two of you spent almost all of your free time together, as you were almost the same age, although you had joined the order far before Anakin.

Your parents were told you were force sensitive at a young age and were quite willing to send you for training when you were of age. You met Anakin when you were eight. He suddenly joined your group of younglings and was a bit old to begin training. You and your peers helped catch him up to speed, and the two of you became the best of friends, despite your differences. Anakin is rash, quick-thinking, and sometimes quite the show-off. You, on the other hand, have always been the rule follower. You also exceed far more in technique, while Anakin’s power with the force is unprecedented. You were thirteen when you finally passed the initiate trials and were assigned a master, Shaak Ti. Anakin was assigned to a master two years earlier due to his gifts; Master Obi-Wan Kenobi. You didn’t see him much when he left, so you were elated to train with him again when you became a padawan.

One of your favorite memories as a young padawan was your journey to Ilum with Shaak Ti to obtain your lightsaber crystal. It was one of the things that fascinated you most as a youngling. Shaak Ti had told you that during the ritual it was likely you would see visions, hallucinations, while you mediated. Still confident, you practically dove into the ritual to assemble your lightsaber. One of the lasting memories you have of the experience is a vision of you and Anakin on Naboo. The vision has become blurry with time, but all you can remember is Anakin in a black cloak standing in the doorway watching the sunset. Faintly at the end of the vision, a child seemed to start crying, and Anakin quickly turned around to resolve the crying child. You’ve treasured this vision in secret for seven years.

“Hey, you okay?” Anakin lays his hand softly on your shoulder, you must’ve been lost in thought.

“Yeah, I’m alright, just thinking,” Anakin observes your expression, puzzled.

“Want to tell me what you’re thinking about?” He asks. He squeezes your shoulder lightly before rubbing his thumb against your skin. It is then that you realize how sweaty you are from training. You smile up at him again.

“I promise I’m alright, Ani.” You saved his nickname for sincere moments. Moments where the conversation is devoid of sarcasm and joking. The first time you used the nickname was the first time you returned from a mission seriously injured. Anakin panicked, almost sliced the medical droid in half until you reassured him, “I’m alright Ani, it’s just a broken arm, I’ll be fine.” You could practically feel his Force signature release and uncoil.

The sweat and exhaustion from training seem to seep into your skin and bones. The light tunic you are wearing is practically soaked through. Anakin doesn’t seem to be faring much better. You reach to comb your hands through your hair and feel a light tug at the top of your braid. It must be time to rebraid it.

About once a year, a padawan’s braid must be rebraided and tightened. This is done until a padawan graduates to the role of Knight when it is cut off with a lightsaber in a ritual ceremony. You and Anakin have made a small tradition out of braiding each other’s hair. You always do it together in one of your quarters, just the two of you. You both make an effort to meditate after, but you are both (Anakin at the very least) generally unsuccessful.

“I need to tighten my braid.” Anakin looks up at you as you pinch the braid between your fingers. You can see the loose top of his braid because of his short hair. His needs to be rebraided too.

“And it seems I do as well.” He looks at you again with a smile. Everything about him seems to be smiling. “Do you want to do it tonight?” He asks eagerly. You smile back and nod.

“Sure, but we both need to hit the refresher first.” You laugh. Anakin lets out a light scoff at your observation. “I’ll meet you in your quarters in an hour, Skywalker.”

Your time in the refresher gives you time to think. When you first met Anakin, you were peers. That relationship eventually developed into an everlasting friendship. You were inseparable through your training and all of your padawan-ship thus far. Obi-Wan was practically your master as well. But weren’t attachments discouraged by the order? Wouldn’t they have separated you if they thought you weren’t following the Code? These questions nagged at you as you undressed and stepped into the shower.

You’d felt differently towards Anakin ever since your journey to Ilum. Like something was pulling you towards him as if the Force willed it. It wasn’t until around age sixteen you noticed something had changed. Anakin had gotten taller, his face filled out, and his training bulked him up just the right amount. You’d catch yourself staring at him for as long as possible during debriefs with the Council, and after missions. But you willed these feelings away. You couldn’t form an attachment with Anakin, your friendship was already on the fence. It was forbidden.

You drowned these thoughts away as you finished washing your hair. After finishing in the shower, you dried your hair and dressed in a loose shirt and night pants. As you stepped out of the refresher into the main room of your quarters, you glanced at the holo to see an hour had flown by. You quickly slipped on shoes and made your way to Anakin’s quarters.

When you arrived, you let yourself in, assuming he would already be changed. Anakin,

who always seems to prove you otherwise, was wearing nothing but a pair of loose-fitting pants. His back (his toned and muscular back) was turned to you. You cleared your throat loudly to alert him of your presence. He turned around to face you.

“Oh, I already knew you were in here.” He smirks. Another one of Anakin’s hobbies; teasing you. He slipped a black tunic of his own on, and moved to sit on the bed. Before sitting next to him, you grabbed a comb and a few pieces of twine to retie along with your braids. You set them out lightly in front of him, before motioning for him to sit in front of you.

“I’ll do yours first.” Anakin settles at the foot of the bed, and you begin to untie his braid. Nothing about these nights were sexual. You were simply braiding his hair. But anyone who walked in could cut the tension with a knife. Your hands moved swiftly through his hair, occasionally brushing against his neck and collarbone. Every time you did, you felt Anakin inhale slightly. You’d always finish Anakin’s braid quickly, likely due to your skill of elaborately braiding your own hair for missions and other events. (Also because Senator Amidala made it her mission to do your hair at any chance she received.) You tied sections off with light-colored twine and weaved the new braid through your fingers. “Good as new.”

Anakin silently begins to work on your braid, but something in his eyes looks different. He looks at you with a new fondness. Softness even. He pulls the rest of your hair back with an elastic and begins to undo your loose braid. He combs his fingers through the unbraided hair. “Your hair is soft.” He mumbles, shyly. You never thought you would see the Anakin Skywalker acting shy.

“I washed it earlier, after training.” Anakin nods, thoughtfully. He begins to braid the hair, his fingers grazing your neck every once in a while. It took Anakin a bit of practice when he first learned to braid, you remember fondly. It seemed to be the only thing that stumped him as a young padawan. So much so that Obi-Wan had to help him for the first few years without you. He finished the braid silently and tied new pieces of twine around the braid. He left his hand to rest on your shoulder, before slowly moving it to your cheek. You looked up at him in shock. Anakin was always quite touchy, likely a result of his childhood, but he’s never been this upfront.

“Ani, what are you-” He combs his hand through the rest of your hair, before putting it back down in his lap. He looks confused, anxious. Your thoughts from the refresher seem to come back. Seeing Anakin like this seemed to awaken something in you. You knew you have always cared for Anakin. You’d been there through all his injuries, through the passing of his mother. He held you when you’d missed your parents when you agonized over the future. But you’d never assumed you could be more than what you were. It was forbidden. You’d been taught to avoid forming attachments, as they always led to suffering.

But tonight, on the soft sheets of Anakin’s bed, having just rebraided each other’s hair, sitting in your nightclothes, you said to hell with it. You believed in the Code, truly and wholeheartedly. When you were with Anakin, you felt nothing but peace and serenity. Anakin made you a better person, a better Jedi. You balanced each other out more than you could alone.

You reached for his hands, fidgeting in his lap. As you intertwined your fingers, Anakin looked up from his hands. “Credit for your thoughts?”

Anakin seemed to gather himself for a moment. He tightened his grip around your hands, before releasing them and placing his hands on your cheeks. He glanced at your lips for less than a second. He leaned in suddenly and brought his lips to yours.

The kiss was brief, but Anakin’s smile as he pulled away from you shined brighter than any sun in the galaxy. “I never thought you’d feel the same way. You were raised here, and I just assumed you wouldn’t agree with forming-” You cut him off by kissing him again. You leaned your foreheads against one another, catching your breath as the tension in the room floated away.

As you told Anakin of your vision on Ilum, he told you of his dreams, the ones of you dying the same way as his mother. He told you he was petrified of losing you. “We should tell the Council Anakin, it may be serious.” He looked at you in agreement.

“I agree, my love, but can’t it wait until morning.” The sun had set completely since you came back into his room, the Coruscant skyline lit up by speeders and homes. You sighed and looked back up at Anakin.

“Fine, but you must tell them, this is serious, Ani.” Anakin nods again, before placing a chast kiss on your lips. You spend the rest of the evening under his sheets, celebrating the love you have finally accepted. The attachment you have finally pursued.

Obi-Wan opens the doors to Anakin’s quarters, expecting him to be awake by now. It is not until he senses another familiar presence in the room, that he realizes what he has walked in on. His padawan and his dear friend, sleeping peacefully in Anakin’s bed, wrapped up in each other’s arms. As Obi-Wan closes the door silently, he makes his way to Master Shaak Ti’s quarters to collect twenty credits.

After collecting his bet, Obi-Wan makes his way to the Council to discuss an upcoming mission. “I sense, seen something, you have, Obi-Wan.” Obi-Wan's expression turned surprised. How had Master Yoda known? “No fear, gift from the force, this is. Prevented a dire fate from your padawan, it has.” Obi-Wan sighed, his padawan’s secret is safe. “The Force works in mysterious ways, Obi-Wan. Sometimes a gift from the force, attachments are.”

You wake up before Anakin. It seems sometime through the night, he removed his shirt. You knew he ran hot at night, which is the likely explanation. You press a soft kiss to his jaw and he begins to stir. “Good morning, Ani.”

“Good morning, my love. Sleep well?” You nod and continue to pepper kisses along his jaw. A bout of silence goes by until he begins to speak again. “I dreamt of you, actually.”

You smile, “Tell me about it.” Anakin dives into describing his dream, which sounds eerily similar to your vision on Ilum. You let his story evelop you, and imagine a future with Anakin. A peaceful one, free of conflict or war. Maybe you’d settle on Naboo, or stay on Coruscant. Maybe you would have children, how many can be decided later. All you know now is that any future with Anakin is one living for.

#star wars #anakin x reader #anakin imagine #anakin fluff #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin skywalker imagine #anakin skywalker #star wars prequels

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cora-vizsla · 3 years

Text

Into The Dark- Chapter 1

Pairing: Jedi!OC x Sith!Obi Wan

Word Count: 4.5K+

Story Rating: E (18+)

Chapter Rating: Just assume they’re all E at this point.

Warning: Swearing. Threats of violence. Mentions of death/dying. Mention of war. Drugging. Snark. Angst. (I mean seriously if you know me you know angst is gonna happen)

A/N: This is the beginning! If you haven’t read Hypnotic this story isn’t going to make much sense to you. If you have read Hypnotic, welcome back! I hope you’re ready to be sad lol. Anyway, enjoy and let me know if I missed any tags!

“Darling, you can’t be serious. There is no way that you’re going.”

“I am being serious, and I am going. This isn’t really a discussion. I’ve already made up my mind.”

“Explain it to me. Please?”

Zara sighed and sat down next to her husband. Obi Wan smiled at her softly, brushing her hair back.

“Mace called me. Palpatine got loose which shouldn’t surprise anyone. I wouldn’t care but.. he took Cody.”

“Cody? Who the hell is Cody?”

They both looked up to Anakin walking in, a four-year-old Leia on his hip.

“Zara!”

She slipped down Anakins leg and bolted into Zara’s arms. She laughed and giggled as Zara held her close and spun her.

“Oh, my beautiful little Leia. Couldn’t let your daddy go without you?”

“Nope! Gotta watch him. Mama says so.”

Anakin rolled his eyes but laughed.

“I came here to help you, Obi Wan, but if that slimeball took Cody there is no talking her out of it.”

“The clone?”

“My friend.”

Zara snapped and glared at the blonde. He held his hands up defensively and sat back, crossing one leg over the other.

“Yeah, Oh-bee. Her friend!”

Zara laughed and kissed the girls cheek.

“That’s right. You get it. We protect our friends, no matter what.”

“No matter what!”

Zara set Leia down who immediately ran around the room getting into everything. Anakin sighed but Zara motioned for him to let her go. Out of the two, Leia was the well behaved one. She was busy but it was more out of curiosity than breaking anything. Luke was more likely to break things just to see how they worked.

“The question I have is why you didn’t call me to help you.”

“Mace was very clear that neither you nor Obi Wan were welcome on this mission.”

“So, you’re working for the Jedi. Again.”

“No, sweetheart. I am helping them get my friend to safety. We all know how dangerous Palpatine is.”

“All the more reason for me to be by your side.”

“Can’t say I disagree with the Sith, Zar.”

Zara rolled her eyes and crossed her arms.

“No. Both of you will stay here. Anakin you have a family now. Your kids and wife are top priority. I’m not letting you get dragged into Jedi shit again. And you, my love, don’t play nice.”

“How rude, darling.”

“Rude, but correct. You don’t play nice with the Jedi and frankly I’m not letting you get near Palpatine again. He controlled you once.”

“So, you don’t trust me.”

Anakin cleared his throat and called for Leia. She ran over and jumped into his arms, holding on tightly.

“C’mon sweetheart. Aunt Zar needs to talk to her domesticated Sith.”

“Mama says you need to be nice to uncle Oh-Bee.”

“Well, mama isn’t here.”

“Good thing I am so I can tell her how mean you are to Aunt Zar’s husband who she loves very much.”

“It’s complicated, Leia.”

“Nope. Everyone duh-serves forgiveness, daddy. Plus, he makes Aunt Zar happy.”

Anakin sighed and looked at Zara for help, but she crossed her harms and shrugged.

“And don’t say its com-pluh-cated. You made Aunt Zara cry before. She forgave you. So, you should be nice.”

“You sound a lot like your mother.”

“Good! She’s the smartest person I know.”

Zara chuckled as Anakin sighed, defeated, and left the small home. She turned back to Obi Wan who had been watching her.

“We have a good life, Zara.”

“I agree.”

“Then why are you leaving?”

She sighed and let her shoulders slump slightly.

“Obi Wan, Cody meant a great deal to me. We worked together for a long time. I know that you don’t really work with anyone or play nice. It’s just when you work with someone for so long they become like family to you.”

“Not to be rude, but you left him before.”

“I left the entire order. I trusted the Jedi to keep the clones safe. They were to have their inhibitor chip removed and retired with honor. That isn’t what happened.”

“Well, your first mistake was trusting the Jedi.”

She sighed in frustration and got up off the couch. She put more things in her bag before turning to look at her husband.

“I need you to trust me. I need you to understand that a friend needs help.”

“And I need you to understand, my darling, that I know Sidious better than anyone on the Jedi counsel. What do you plan to do? Waltz in and tell him to give you your clone back and go back to jail?”

“Of course not.”

“Then what are you doing, Zara? This is reckless.”

“You wouldn’t save a friend if they were in danger?”

“I don’t have friends.”

“You wouldn’t save Anakin?”

“Absolutely not.”

Zara scowled and crossed her arms.

“Obi-Wan!”

“You could have picked anyone else we know, and I would have at least hesitated. That’s on you for choosing Anakin. It’s not like we’re the best of friends.”

“You wouldn’t save Padme? The twins?”

“I wouldn’t save them without you. I wouldn’t even dream of going without you.”

“Palpatine controlled you once.”

“Sidious had control; it was not over me. If you recall I convinced him not to kill you and tricked him into thinking that you were becoming my obedient little plaything. I tricked him at every corner, and he had no idea until the very end. Tell me I am wrong.”

She fell silent, looking at him with sadness written all over her face.

“Then tell me what the true problem is. Tell me that you’re afraid I’ll feel the dark side too strongly and go back. This has nothing to do with me not playing nice. It has everything to do with the Jedi playing into your fear of the very darkness that I carry inside of me and using it to control you. How can you not see that?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Which part?”

Zara looked down at her feet and chewed at her bottom lip.

“None of it. Cody needs my help. If I want the help and the resources needed to help him, I must do it their way. I love you with all my heart. I truly do. Is there some truth to what you said? Yes. I think I’ll always be afraid of you turning fully to the dark and not needing me anymore. The darkness does scare me. I’ve never said anything contrary to it. Your darkness doesn’t scare me though.”

“If you trust me, then you have to also trust that darkness, Zara.”

“I have to do this, Obi Wan.”

“You really don’t. You can’t change my mind of this.”

“Then I guess we’re at an impasse.”

Obi Wan stood up and walked to her, placing his hands gently on her arms.

“I know nothing that I say will stop you from going. I’ve known the entire time we’ve discussed this. Just know that I strongly think you should take me with you. We’re stronger together. Always have been, even if we didn’t want to admit it at the time.”

“I have to do this.”

He nodded and kissed her forehead, holding her close to him.

“Come back to me.”

“Wouldn’t dream of not coming back to you.”

“Don’t make me come looking for you either.”

She laughed and wrapped her arms around his torso, resting the side of her face on his chest.

“I mean it, Zara. I will tear this galaxy apart before I let anyone, or anything keep us apart.”

“I believe you.”

“Good. Just don’t ever let yourself forget that.”

XXX

Zara stepped down the ramp of her ship and pulled her saber into her hand, igniting it. She looked at the burned orange hue of it and thought of the man waiting for her. When she had settled onto Naboo, one of the first things she did was make a saber with the crystal he had given her at the ball.

Now she was glad for it. It reminded her of him and everything that she was always fighting for. It wasn’t as beautiful as his eyes, but it was close enough to bring her some peace. She wasn’t thrilled about not having him there, but she knew it was the best thing she could do.

She thought about their argument quite a bit on her trip. Obi Wan had been right about her fear. She feared losing him more than she feared losing her own life. The last thing she wanted to happen was for Palpatine to get his hands on him again. She couldn’t risk it.

The same went for Anakin. He had already twisted him beyond breaking once. He had no training with the darkness that he now carried. She had wondered if Obi-Wan could teach him but never brought it up. They didn’t get along and it came down to how much the darkness scared her.

It hurt her heart how much Obi-Wan was hurting. She didn’t do it to harm him, but it didn’t change that it did. Zara desperately wanted to get Cody to safety and go back to her life. They both deserved to be done fighting and yet there she was fighting another battle for the Jedi.

She made her way down the hallway and felt through the force. She sighed when she felt a familiar signature and moved into a wide-open room. In the middle of the floor was Cody, hands bound in front of him. Zara looked around to check for any traps but when she didn’t see any, she walked to her old friend.

“General?”

“Just Zara, Cody. I’m not a general anymore.”

“You.. you shouldn’t have come.”

“Of course, I did. You’re my friend. As soon as I found out you were missing, I came.”

“You don’t understand, General. That’s exactly what he wanted.”

“Who? Palpatine?”

“I’m so sorry.”

She knelt down to look at him and picked his head up to look at her gently. Her eyes widened when she saw that he had tears brimming his eyes.

“Cody, why are you sorry? We’ve talked about this in depth. I don’t care that you’re a clone. You mean-“

“I’m not the only one that knows your soft spot for clones, General. I can’t.. I’m so sorry.”

Before Zara could ask him what was wrong, she felt a jab in her arm. She looked down to see Cody sticking a syringe into her arm and push the plunger down all the way. She yanked her arms away and fell backwards onto her butt.

“Cody?”

“I told you.. you shouldn’t have come. I’m so sorry, General.”

The binders fell off Cody’s wrists and he stepped forward, pulling Zara up into his arms. The world was spinning so she shut her eyes, desperately wanting it to stop.

“I have her, sir.”

“Very good, CC-2224. Just as I expected. Bring her here. Destroy her ship before you do.”

“Yes, sir.”

Zara lost consciousness as Cody carried her to his ship. He set her down gently, placing her saber on his waist. Once she was settled, he walked over to her ship and looked through her belongings. He pulled out a few holo pictures that he clicked on. A small smile spread on his lips when he saw Anakin alive and well with Padme and two children. The other ones were of her and the Sith that had taken her. He had been worried when he first heard she had left the order with him but was assured it was her choice.

“You look so happy, General. Exactly what you should be.”

He closed his hands around the holos and slipped them into his pocket. He glanced at the dashboard and saw the emergency signal. He hesitated then reached past it, “accidentally” hitting the emergency button. When he stood up walked outside and waited.

“Stars, I hope that signal gets to someone.”

After a few moments he stepped back and shot at the fuel tank, exploding the ship as instructed. Once he made his way back into the ship and checked on Zara, he hit the coordinates for where he needed to go.

“I know you can’t hear me, General. I just hope you know I wouldn’t do this unless I had any other choice. I’ll do what I can to keep you safe. Hopefully General Skywalker and your Sith can find you in time.”

Once they were into hyperspace, he pulled her saber from his waist and looked at it. It was new from what he remembered, but still beautifully made. He expected nothing less from his former General.

He thought back on the first time he saw her. She showed up to command his troops with a smile on her face. He initially thought that she was going to be a weak leader and weakness meant death to clones. He had been so wrong.

She was the first Jedi to show compassion towards him and his men. She grieved their deaths just as much as he did. Nights when he was up wrestling with the pain of losing someone, she was always right by his side. She didn’t need to; the mission was always finished. She wanted to. She wanted them all to know that they were all individual people to her, regardless of where they came from.

She made it easy to run into the heat of battle. It wasn’t that he didn’t ever want to. He believed in his own fighting and trusted his brothers. It just came down to the fact that he wasn’t fighting for her. He was fighting alongside her.

He ignited the blade and widened his eyes when a new color came out. He didn’t know the particulars of the Jedi and their blades, but he had never seen a blade that color before. Cody looked down at his hand holding the hilt and frowned.

He had hurt her. What was even worse was the possibility that she would never forgive him for what he did. The chip had been deactivated before Order 66 could be initiated but somehow Sidious still had a hold over him. He had gotten close enough to him to activate it just enough to make him obedient. He glanced back at Zara asleep and shook his head.

“We will find a way to get out of this, General. We always do. Somehow, we will get you back to your happiness. Maybe I’ll even find a bit of it myself.”

He chuckled to himself and shook his head again.

“Look at me, thinking a clone can be anything more than a tool. You’d think I’d learn by now. Although you’d be yelling at me for even thinking that. Stars, General, I hope you don’t hate me forever for this.”

XXX

Mace sat in the council chambers alone. The last thing he wanted to do was call up Zara, but he didn’t see any other option. Once the war was ended, the Jedi no longer had the authority to do anything without the government’s approval. He knew that they wouldn’t send them for a single clone. As far as they were concerned Palpatine was no longer a threat. Not that the Jedi agreed with that at all.

When his coms went off with Zara’s emergency signal, he felt his chest get heavy. It ended just as quickly as it was received, but he knew the longer it took for her to message or call him, the worse that was. She had a propensity to bump into buttons, but she always called. He tried to call and was met with no answer. Master Yoda walked into the room and looked at him.

“Her signal went off then immediately went dead.”

“Feel it, do you? A great darkness, there is.”

“Yes. I feel it. It has to be Sidious.”

“Mmm. Yes. Suspect him, I do.”

“I’m going to have to reach out to Anakin and Veth.”

“Go. In much danger, she is.”

XXX

Obi-Wan sat in his home, reading the same book for the third time. As much as he wanted to reach out to Zara, he didn’t want her to think he was trying to distract her or force her back home. It was killing him though. Even just hearing her voice would make him feel better. He looked up from his book when he heard a ship land close by. Before he could stand up, Anakin was bursting into the house.

“Sith, it’s the Jedi.”

“Is Zara with them?”

“It’s only Master Windu.”

“Shit.”

He followed the younger man outside just in time to see Windu walking closer. He clenched his jaw, not wanting to see the Master Jedi at all.

“Anakin. Veth.”

The three men looked to the side as Padme and the twins came running out of their home.

“Wow, even your children are strong with the force.”

Anakin stepped in front of Mace and set his jaw; his hands balled into fists at his side.

“Don’t even look at them. They will never be hurt by you or the council.”

“I’m not here for your children, Anakin.”

“Where is my wife.”

Mace turned to look at Veth who was standing with his arms crossed over his chest. He still looked just as cocky to Mace as he had when he was a child, but the darkness swirling around him was new. It was the first time they had faced each other, other than through a holo communication.

“We should go inside. Small ears don’t need to hear this conversation.”

Anakin glanced over at Obi-Wan, who nodded back at him. Anakin looked back at Padme and gave her a tight smile before following Obi-Wan into the house. Once Mace made it through the door, Obi-Wan used the force to slam it behind him, smirking when the master Jedi jumped.

“If it weren’t for the children, you wouldn’t be welcome in this home. Now tell me, where is my wife and why is she not here with you?”

“She made it to where we though Sidious was with the clone trooper.”

“Cody.”

“What?”

“His name is Cody. You sent my wife to find him and don’t even have the courtesy to use the name she knows him by.”

Mace rolled his jaw and sighed.

“Cody. My apologies. She made it there safely and sent a communication she was heading inside the building. From there, we lost contact. Soon after, her emergency signal reached us and turned off within a few seconds.”

“And nothing since?”

“Nothing.”

“Sidious has her. That emergency signal was a mistake. Where is she.”

Obi-Wan was seething. Her being taken was exactly what he was afraid of, and he was completely powerless to change what was happening. The more he thought about how terrible Sidious was and how much she could be hurt, the more the room started swirling with darkness. Mace put his hand on his own saber and took a step back.

“Please calm down, Veth.”

“You called up my wife, the woman that I love more than anything in the galaxy and asked her to go on a fool’s errand with no backup. Then you come here and tell me that Darth Sidious, the most dangerous man I have ever met likely has her. Now you expect me to calm down. After everything you’ve done to me you’re lucky you’re still breathing. Let alone what you’ve done to her. She came to me broken, Master Windu. She came to me lost and afraid that she had lost every bit of her life and soul because she couldn’t live with your lies anymore. You nearly forced her to kill her best friend. Now you sent her into the hands of a madman. Tell me, why in the galaxy should I calm down?”

��I understand that you’re upset.”

Obi-Wan barked out a laugh and crossed his arms again.

“You don’t understand anything that the Jedi didn’t shove down your throat. Tell me where she is. I will go bring her back home where she belongs.”

“I’m going with you.”

Obi-Wan looked at Anakin and frowned. He could feel how unstable Anakin felt. The normal darkness around Obi-Wan he was used to, but the pure rage he was harnessing was drowning him. It wasn’t ever something that was discussed but he would never be able to fully get away from the dark side. It just wasn’t possible.

“You aren’t stable enough, Skywalker.”

Obi-Wan shot his finger out to point at Mace, shaking his head.

“You don’t get to tell him what to do, Mace. The audacity that you Jedi have. It is absolutely astounding that you thought you could walk into my home and tell anyone under this roof what to do.”

“You know he isn’t stable. I can’t be the only one who feels it.”

“What he is or isn’t is no problem of yours. Just give me the coordinates and I will take care of getting Zara back.”

“I want to help.”

“You have done enough. Now, if you will, I have much to do and none of that involves catering to you being in my home. You’re tarnishing the air and I won’t have it a moment longer.”

Mace sighed and shook his head, setting down a data stick with the coordinates and information about the ship she had been using. He thought about asking him how he planned on helping him, but he thought better and walked through the door. Once he left Anakin huffed out a frustrated sigh and grabbed the stick.

“Alright let’s go.”

“You aren’t going.”

“What!?”

Anakin spun around to glare at Obi-Wan.

“You just said-“

“I said he doesn’t get to come into my home and tell anyone what to do. That does not mean I don’t agree with him. You’re unstable. You have been for a long time.”

“I’m fine.”

“Tell me that my darkness didn’t affect you then.”

Anakin opened his mouth a few times and shut it, without uttering a word.

“Exactly. You have a family here that needs you.”

“Zara is my family too, Veth.”

“Stars above I wish you’d stop calling me that.”

Anakin smirked and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Why do you think I call you that?”

“You’re insufferable. I pity your former master. You wouldn’t have lasted five minutes having been my padawan.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that. I’m a lot stronger than you think I am.”

“I gladly would have tossed you off the first cliff we found. I considered it when we found you if I’m being entirely honest. Ungrateful brat that you are. You’re lucky when I shoved you it was to your safety.”

“I still don’t fully believe that was you. I don’t remember you being so smug.”

“No need for you to. It wouldn’t be the first time that you ignored the reality around you to construct fantasies that mean absolutely nothing to anyone else.”

“You’re an ass, do you know that?”

Obi-Wan barked out a laugh as he started gathering his supplies.

“Oh, I’ve been told. The fact of the matter is that you are not stable enough to come with me. I need to focus on Sidious and whatever he has planned. I can’t babysit you through your temper tantrums, reckless behavior and propensity to disobey any form of authority within a parsec of your location.”

Anakin frowned and huffed out a sigh.

“Then teach me.”

“Teach you? If Padme can’t control you, I highly doubt anyone else can.”

“I’ll listen! I’m not asking you to turn me to the dark side. I just.. I’m the only person in this situation that even remotely trusts you. If you would just help me, I can help you then we both can help Zara.”

He sighed and looked at the younger man in front of him. He meant what he had said to Zara: if given the choice he would not save him. He had a point though. He was someone he could trust to at least want to help his wife. After considering it for a moment he sighed and tossed his hands up in the air.

“Fine. Only if you go tell Padme that it is entirely your idea and that I was opposed to it from the beginning. You will listen to me and do as I tell you to. I will teach you how to control yourself at least enough to help Zara. Beyond that, just stay out of my way.”

“Yes! I’ll go grab my bag and let Padme know what is going on.”

Anakin head towards the door but paused when Obi-Wan spoke to him.

“And Anakin? The first time you aggravate me I’m shoving you out the airlock. Don’t think that I won’t either. I’ve killed for less.”

XXX

Cody carried a still unconscious Zara into a dark room, only having the very center lit up dimly.

“CC-2224 I see you have returned successfully.”

“Yes, sir.”

The shadow of a man stepped forward, using the force to push Zara’s hair from her face. Cody thought that she looked almost peaceful curled up in his harms, her face resting against his chest.

“You have pleased me, trooper. Now the next part of my plan begins. Take her to her chambers. She is not to leave unless I command it.”

“Sir, am I permitted to stay with her?”

“Yes. Keep her calm. Give her a reason to stay here. Though I don’t expect her to be on board with everything I say, at first, this entire plan is contingent on her falling in line.”

“Yes, sir.”

Cody turned, walking down a long hallway. Once he entered Zara’s chambers, the door shut and locked behind him. Normally it would have made him uneasy, but he was calmer knowing that he wouldn’t be separated from his former general just yet. He placed her down gently into the bed, careful to ensure she would be comfortable.

He pulled up a chair and sat down next to the bed, crossing his arms over his chest. He glanced down at the black armor that he now wore, unsure of how he liked it. He always wore armor, so it wasn’t new. It just made him uneasy at how dark it was.

When he shifted, he felt the holo pictures that he had taken from her ship. He pulled them out and turned on their display, looking at Zara’s family. He felt so much guilt and pain knowing that he was part of the reason she wasn’t home with them. Cody knew that nothing good was going to come from Sidious getting his hands on Zara, but he was determined that he wouldn’t let her forget where she belonged.

“I can’t let you forget something that you always deserved to have, Zara. I just can’t.”

Zara continued to sleep while Cody sat next to her. He was caught between his loyalty for her and his obligation to follow Palpatine. He wanted her to wake up, but he also was afraid of what she was going to say once she realized he had betrayed her.

“You’re so strong, General. If anyone can fix this, it’s you. I believe in you so much. Please have just a little bit of faith in me.”

Tag List:

@mapplestrudel @cannedsoupsucks @musubabii @mascaracoffee @ahsoka-padme

#sith #sith!obi wan #sith!obi-wan #sith!kenobi #sith!obi wan x oc #hypnotic #star wars #starwars #Star Wars Fic #fanfiction

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morganas-pendragons · 4 years

Text

kiss me (for you’re all i ever wanted) | obi-wan

back by popular demand (seriously the amount of screaming you all did on the first part to this fic had me yelling) here’s part two of this fic - touch starved obi-wan - this got away from me i’m sorry (i’m really not)

anything in italics is either a. thoughts or b. talking across the bond (telepathically)

tag: @obiorbenkenobi // @dressed-up-heartbreak // @robertdownyjrs

***

Force, what the kriff were you supposed to do now?! It wasn’t like you could just... walk into the quarters of another Jedi General and say, “Shall we continue what was going to be the hottest kiss of your life that was so rudely interrupted?”

You silently pace the small length of your quarters, completely unaware of the fact that Ahsoka Tano is standing outside of your door and projecting the calm you seem to be unable to control at the moment. She’s extremely perceptive - one of the brightest of her class of apprentices - and has quite an eye for things that most people would be ignorant of.

Case in point: Your very obvious attraction for Master Obi-Wan who had tried and failed spectacularly to hide how desperately he wanted to be with you. Here she’d been led to believe her grandmaster was the epitome of the perfect Jedi.

Turns out he was just another hopeless fool in love.

“Master?”

“Force, Ahsoka- You can’t just sneak up on people like that!”

Ahsoka frowns and motions to the door. “But.. oh, kriff it.” She jabbed her thumb back out into the hallway where you could just barely see the forms of clones rushing through The Negotiator. “You are aware of what just happened, right? It didn’t just slip from your mind?”

“Ahsoka-”

“Maker, you adults are thick.” She mutters. “Look.. the clones are retreating to their night duties which means this portion of the ship is mostly abandoned. Rex and Cody are keeping their vod occupied, Anakin is in the gym where I’m supposed to be meeting him, and Master Kenobi..” Your eyes snap back over to the young Togruta who beams the moment she realizes she caught your attention. “He’s in his quarters down the hall. Seems pretty wired. Would you-”

“I’ll check on him.” You reply and swiftly leave your quarters without so much as another glance back at the padawan. You do, however, see her little victory dance.

True to her word, the clones are vacant from this part of the ship which leaves you lingering outside the door to Obi-Wan Kenobi’s quarter and wondering what on Earth you’re supposed to say when and if he opens the door.

Your fingers hover over the keypad with the code on the forefront of your mind; That’s when you realize you might be the only person outside of Skywalker who knows the code into these quarters.

The durasteel slides open with ease. On the floor sits a Jedi Master, hands poised against his knees and body set into the familiar meditation position. The sight of him so tranquil makes your blood boil. Is this what he does when he wants to forget how he asked you to kiss him?

“Obi-Wan.”

No response.

Pressing your lips together in a firm line, you shed your own robes by the hook next to the door and kneel down in front of him. Give his obvious ignorance to your presence you assume that he’s deep enough in meditation to notice you aren’t there. You can work with that.

“Obi-Wan..” Your voice echoes across your bond as your hands slide up his chest and smooth across his shoulders to remove the robes that hide his figure from your view. Warmth floods your cheeks as you catch the hitch in his breath, his body struggling to continue in his meditative state with the fire your hands ignite when they touch bare skin. “Kenobi... we have something to finish.”

“Force-” Blue eyes snap open and are blown wide when he realizes what you’re doing, and his hands very swiftly catch yours before you can continue. “What-What are you doing? You know better then to disrupt meditation when it’s in such a deep state!”

“It’s not like Skywalker hasn’t been interrupting you since he was nine.” You shoot back. “Anyway, why are you meditating? We just got back. Less then three hours ago. Meditation should be the last thing on your mind.”

Unknown to you, you are the only thing on Obi-Wan’s mind.

“I was trying to calm myself. My actions on the ship were inappropriate-”

“No.” You snap. Your voice holds more anger then either of you realized you were feeling, and the sharpness of it makes him wince. “That might work with Anakin and Ahsoka. It might’ve worked with Satine. It does not work with me. You’re an open book. I know when the infamous Negotiator is lying to me.

You can tell yourself until you believe it that you don’t want love. That you don’t want touch and you don’t want to be held. Here’s the truth of the matter, Obi-Wan. Despite The Code you seem to adhere to more then the majority of The Order, despite every instinct that fabricates the very essence of your being.. you’re a man. A man with a heart and who wants things. You said it yourself. You want me to touch you. So give into it.”

You lean forward just enough to brush your lips against the shell of his ear, and you’re rewarded with a delightfully low groan that reverberates in the back of his throat as his hands find purchase against your hips.

“Give into your desires.”

Cradling his face in your hands, you allow your legs to loosely wrap around his waist as he moves you right into his lap. The friction that creates alone is enough to make you blush. “Maker, please-” He breathes, low and hoarse against your mouth, as you hover only mere inches in front of him. “The temptation alone-”

“Obi-Wan.. what do you want?” You ask.

“You.” He says it so quickly that you know without a doubt it’s true.

“Then you have me.”

There’s no one around to interrupt you now.

Your hands make quick work of the tunic he often wears underneath his robes, deftly unlacing the knots that come together at the dip in his chest as he watches you through petrified blue eyes. It’s not hard to forget he’s never done this before.

Fingertips trace over burn marks that are kept just out of sight beneath his neck line. You dip your head down just low enough to skim their ridges, and Obi-Wan goes slack in your embrace.

“Hero. Savior. Friend.”

The Force is practically taunting him at this point. Here you sit in the darkness of his quarters, snugly pressed against his lap, your hands tracing his torso and your lips branding his skin. He’s pretty sure he’s entered the Cosmic Force.

“The Zygerians. My f-failure-”

You shake your head. “Never.” You whisper. Your attention drifts back up to his eyes which remain blown despite the darkness that envelops you. “Not to me. Never to me.” Your eyes flicker between his own and his mouth as you move closer and closer and closer until you receive your prize, and The Force sings with praise at the motion.

All the stars have aligned. Its chosen have come home to each other.

You lightly rake your fingers through the beard that burns your hands as you move slowly, timidly, waiting for him to learn how to reciprocate before daring to go deeper. This isn’t about you. It’s about him.

That’s when you feel it. His hands travel up your arms until they meet your nape and then his fingers thread into the knots of your hair, and you’re so awed by how easy he falls into you that you open your mouth wide to him, and Obi-Wan deepens the kiss.

You forget how to breathe for a moment.

Sh.. darling. I think I’ve taken you by surprise. His voice teases across your Bond as you pull away just enough to ease the heaving of your chest from the lack of breath.

You did.

Your fingertips trace the shape of his face. The sharpness of his cheeks that are hidden by thick auburn hair (let’s face it, he’s hotter with the beard), the outline of his nose, the shape of his eyes that flutter as he absorbs every touch you’ll give him. Your other hand is still spread out over his heart. It hasn’t moved.

He wonders why.

“You overwork yourself.” You whisper. You almost sound sad about the fact he works himself to the bone and has for the entire war. “You take on more responsibilities then you should, you don’t sleep, I can barely get you to eat most of the time because your nose is buried in a data pad. Your vod are worried about you. I am worried about you. Let someone take care of you once, Obi-Wan.”

His shoulders fall in defeat.

“Okay.” He whispers in reply. “Okay. Okay.”

You hum beneath your breath and stand to your feet, extending your hand out to pull him with you. Obi-Wan complies without complaint and listens to the lull of your voice and how it feels like there’s a hidden Force suggestion in it. Just the sound alone is making his eyes heavy.

“Oh no. Not yet.” You lightly flick his shoulder as he sits on the cot and allows you to take his boots off. “You’re not going to sleep yet.”

“Didn’t you just say-”

“Oh no. That kiss you gave me was exquisite. Unfortunately, it means I now have to further test the waters.” You muse softly. He’s clearly confused and equally stunned by his own gasp when you flick your hand and the upper part of his torso is left bare to you. “Good. Now sit still, and keep quiet. You don’t want the boys to hear.”

Hear what?

You part his legs just enough to settle yourself in his lap again. He’s leaning against the wall now, eyes narrowed as you bend your head to the column of his neck. His pulse is steady beneath your hand - amplified by his obvious fear - and you send a wave of calm across the Bond that makes his heartbeat slower.

Your lips skim feverish skin until you find your mark - the one that makes his breath hitch when you touch it - and very, very slowly begin sucking on it.

The way your core ignites at the groan he emits makes you dizzy.

“Force-Force-” He rasps through gritted teeth as his hands tighten on your hips so much you’re sure his fingers will leave imprints in your skin. “Maker-I-I-can’t-”

Then your teeth drag across the mark, and he sees stars.

“Hm.” You somehow manage to start sucking harder and Obi-Wan is cursing in every language he’s fluent in to keep himself quiet. If you’d known that this was what it would take to get him to use that fabulous tongue of his- “The waters have been tested. You like hickies.”

You pull away to examine your work. It stands out proudly against his skin. A mark that tells the people who see it that he belongs to someone. Sure.. you could theoretically use The Force to heal it.. but you don’t want to. You’re too smug about the sounds he made when you did.

“You know-” He rasps as you slip away before he can do anything, and Obi-Wan curses at how his limbs feel like they won’t sustain him. Kriff. “When-When I learn to do that, you will be the one getting tortured.”

“Oh, sure.” You retort as he lays on his side and opens his arms for you to lay in them. “How do you plan on doing that?”

You’re so prideful that you don’t expect his next words,

“Because I’ll mark you everywhere.”

***

The next morning, Anakin and Ahsoka are standing at the end of the hall that hold the Generals Quarters. They both had a rather restful night sleep after practicing their hand to hand with the clones and their katas in the gym. You and Obi-Wan, however, did not.

“Okay Snips.” Anakin muses. “I’ll bet you fifty.”

“Fifty? Did you miss the part where I said I convinced her to go to his quarters?”

The Jedi Knight laughs as his blue eyes flicker back down the hall where Obi-Wan exits his quarters and about two minutes later, your head pops out and you look up and down the hall to ensure no one saw you leave just after he did.

“No-” Ahsoka rasps, eyes bright with tears as she bends over in hysterical laughter. “You owe me a hundred credits and a dinner at Dex’s!”

“What the kark are you-” His eyes snap over to his former Master who is the definition of composed until Anakin sees the bright purple mark that’s just barely hidden underneath the fabric of his Jedi Robes. “Obi-Wan!”

Rex, Cody and yourself stand by Ahsoka Tano as she once again lifts her data pad to record the altercation for future reference while following on the heels of her Master as The Hero With No Fear chases one of the most respectable Jedi in the Order all the way through The Negotiator. That is until Obi-Wan has the good sense to lock himself in a room where Anakin has no access.

“Kenobi, when I get this door open-”

“Tell you what, ‘Soka.” You lightly bump hips with the Togruta and hold up your credit chit as Rex goes to calm his General. “When we get home, I’ll buy you dinner.”

You buy her six. She likes to hear the gossip you have about her grandmaster. When you come home to The Temple and find Obi-Wan waiting for you in your quarters, he follows through on his promise of torture.

He’s particularly skilled with his mouth, remember?

#Obi-Wan Kenobi x Reader #Obi-Wan x Reader #Star Wars imagines #Star Wars oneshots

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evabellasworld · 3 years

Text

Storm of the Republic

Chapter 27

AO3 Link | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27

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Summary: When Tup murdered General Tiplar during a battle, Anakin Skywalker and Captain Rex dispatched Ahsoka, Fives, and Yara to solve the mystery that was plaguing the Clone Army. Meanwhile, Senator Padme Amidala contacted Commander Fox, Commander Tori, Riyo Chuchi, and Dipper to help her continue investigating the death of Palpatine, suspecting that Dooku was behind the evil plot. But when Dooku send an ISB agent to stop them, the team had to race against time to search for the truth, which could alter the course of the galaxy.

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“So, what do you think will happen today?” Odd Eye asked her second-in-command. “Will we have any luck storming the city of Mendes today?”

“Let’s see,” Tarot said, as he closed his eyes and shuffled the cards and pulled one out, revealing The Magician card in front of her eyes. “Well, the answer to your question is maybe. Maybe our mission will succeed, maybe it won’t.”

She raised one of her eyebrows. “Maybe? Really? You mean, we may or may not successfully storm the city of Mendes? Are you serious? This sentiment will not make this mission successful, you know. It’s a yes or a no, that’s all.”

“Commander, when you receive The Magician card in your reading, it means you have to tap into your full potential in order to make the plan work. The Magician uses his desire to manifest his own creation, which takes a lot of effort. If you don’t anything to make the plan work, then it will never happen.”

“So, you’re telling us that our victory depends on our good timing and decision?” Mina clarified, her hands on her hips. “Of course that’s the case, Odd Eye. In that case, we must discuss our plans with the generals to make it work. Otherwise, we will lose a lot of troops along the way, and that is something we cannot afford.”

Listening to their conversation, Cody sighed and shook his head as he glanced at the tarot deck. “Are you guys seriously relying on a pack of cards to predict our outcome? You know it doesn’t work like that, right?”

Tarot denied. “Contrary to the belief, Commander, tarot deck only guides us. If we don’t like the answer the cards give, you can always change your path. It’s all up to you.”

“Okay, and are they accurate, vod’ika?”

“They have proven to be useful in the past,” Odd Eye defended her best troop. “It doesn’t give us a straight answer, but we get open-ended questions instead, which makes us interpret the reading in different ways. Tarot has its own language, Codes. There’s no one way of understanding it.”

Tarot snorted as Cody bobbed his head, pressing his lips together. “Well, if you feel it works, then I guess I can’t stop you there. But remember to come back to reality once in a while. After all, you can’t always rely on them for questions and answers all the time.”

Fair point, the purple-eyed clone crossed her arms as she watched him approach Obi-Wan.

Cody has always been the logical one back when they were merely cadets on Kamino. She finds him rigid and strict, which earned him the rank of a Marshal Commander in the first place. Odd Eye may not be close to him, but she wouldn’t mind working with him from time-to-time.

If only Tori and Rex were assigned to this mission. They were the only one who could get Cody out of his shell.

He was lucky that his Jedi General was still by his side. Cody almost lost him during the Rako trouble, and he hoped it didn’t have to end this way again. He can’t imagine his general dying in front of him. Otherwise, he would have to deal with an admiral whom he’s not familiar with, like what happened on Umbara, where he ended up losing Waxer.

General Gomez and General Almarez-Guttierez were experienced enough to lead the clone army, but Cody doesn’t know about the rest of the admirals who weren’t promoted to a higher position. His arms shuddered as he thought about an inexperienced officer in battle. They might get killed within two seconds before they know it.

If only Rex and Tori were here right now. It’s not the same without them.

“Did you find anything, sir?” the Marshal Commander asked, as Obi-Wan was watching the enemies’ movements through his binoculars. There were a few Imperial Troop Transport driving down the dirt road carrying luminescent crystals that came from the mines. He knew the planet was known for its resources, but he didn’t know the significance of the crystals, besides decoration purpose.

Obi-Wan couldn’t sense the crystals inside, hence, it was not like the kyber crystals that came from the icy planet of Illum. They were beautiful, but what’s so special about them that the Empire wanted, anyway? What was the significance of those crystals to them?

“Sir, are you there?” Cody waved his hands in front of his face, catching his attention.

“I’m here, Cody” the Jedi snapped himself to the present moment, passing his scope to his trusted commander. “The Empire is transporting the crystals towards our target location, which is the city of Mendes. I could guess that’s where their headquarters are.”

“General Kenobi has a point,” Erina acknowledged, joining their conversation. “Since Hocura is known for crystal mining, it’s no surprise that the Empire is heading there.”

“Which gives us more reason to take back Hocura from Imperial hands,” Raul pointed out, facing Obi-Wan and Cody. “If we could get our hands on these transports, we could easily take on Mendes. What do you say, Master Jedi?”

Obi-Wan stroked his beard as he hummed to himself, staring at the forest floor. The plan could work, according to him, but it’s risky. Regardless, Obi-Wan felt this was a golden opportunity to achieve their goals for the Republic’s victory. This could be the only way to defeat the Empire.

“We’ll discuss your plans with our troops,” he approved, gesturing for them to move away from the bushes. “Come on, we can’t waste anymore time. The people of Hocura needs us.”

Raul beamed to himself and could only give a thumbs up without uttering a word to him. He wasn’t close to Obi-Wan, and hearing his praise brightened his day. Erina noticed the smile on his face and placed her hand on his shoulder, sharing his sentiment. “I have faith in you, dear. I will pray to Allah for your victory out there.”

“I could say the same for you, Eri,” Raul winked at his partner. “You’re a real good fighter out in the field. Just need to watch your step, though.”

Erina chuckled, rolling her eyes. “I should be the one saying that to you. Remember what happened at the last mission?”

“Oh, come on, it was only a shoulder shot. It wasn’t even that painful. Besides, I could still move my arms around.”

“And who had to tend to your shoulder wounds?” she gave him the side-eye, making him rub the back of his neck.

“I know, I know, but hey, I also had to deal with your leg injury for a month. You know how hard it was to carry you around the base.”

Erina squinted her eyes towards him before letting out an exhale. “Well, I enjoyed being carried by you. I wish you could do that on our wedding night.”

“Oh, I will make our wedding night special, if you know what I mean,” he smirked, making her cheeks flushed.

“You have my consent to tie me up and go rough on me on a queen's bed. I like it that way.”

Obi-Wan cleared his throat, signalling them to stay focus on their mission. “You can have your intimate talk with each other after this mission is over.”

Raul and Erina chuckled as they held each other’s hand, making his lips curled upwards. Seeing another couple spending time with each other warmed his heart as his mind wondered if he could have left the Order just to be with the love of his life. Obi-Wan would love to sit underneath the cherry blossom tree with his lover, holding her hands forever.

*If only Satine is still here,* he thought, his lips turned into a frown. *She would have been safer on base, instead on Mandalore.*

“Alright guys, I have a plan,” Raul announced to the clones, as they gathered around in circles, with Commander Odd Eye and Commander Mina beside him. “Those transportswe saw earlier are heading to the Imperial Headquarters, which are at our target location, and we’re going to infiltrate it.”

Odd Eye’s orbs widened, her jaws hanging. “If all due respect, General, that sounds like a risky plan. The transport is moving, and the chances of getting shot by a droid is high.”

“I’m aware of that, commander, which is why we need someone to stall those Imps, and I think I know who is perfect for that role.”

Cody, Tarot, and Mina turned to Odd Eye, who was cradling with her baby bump. “You’ve got to be kidding me. I am not doing that, ever. There is no way I’m going to be a bait.”

“You’ll be fine, vod,” Cody assured her, patting her back. “Besides, those droids are stupid anyway. Mina and I could back you up.”

“What if my son and I get killed?” she raised her doubt. “Those droids don’t have any mercy at all. They were designed to kill anyone in sight.”

“I’ll shield you, commander,” Obi-Wan calmed her, holding his lightsaber. “I won’t let anything happen to you and your unborn child, not on my watch.”

His words made her less anxious, though doubt has clouded her mind. “I appreciate that, Master Jedi, as long as the rest of our troops captured the transport as fast as possible. The longer I stall, the more likely the plan will fail. Are you okay with that?”

The Jedi placed his hand on his chest and gave her a slight bow. “You have my word, Commander.”

Erina turned to Cody and Mina, giving them an instruction. “Stand by our troops to take those transports by force. Get the timing right. We don’t want any mistakes in our plan.”

“Yes, general,” Mina saluted, as she headed towards her battalion along with Cody to give them orders.

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steves-on-a-plane · 5 years

Text

Under the Moons of Coruscant

Words: 1,111 Pairing: Obi Wan x Jedi!Reader Summary: Reading is walking the halls of the Jedi Temple on their way to get breakfast when they bump into a distraught Obi Wan. Just back from his latest mission with his defiant Padawan, Master Kenobi is a bit out of sorts and he decides to do something that takes the reader by surprise.

It was late at night or early in the morning depending on one’s perception of time. For you, a Jedi Knight who liked to rise well before the small sun on Coruscant; it was early morning. You drew your cloak tighter around your shoulders, wishing the Grand Council would keep the temperature of the Temple a few degrees warmer. It was no matter, you resolved as you continued walking down the corridor on your way to a much need breakfast at the nearest refectory, the brisk walk would keep you warm.

“Insolent! Unteachable!” Approaching from the other end of the corridor was Jedi Master Obi Wan Kenobi. For Obi Wan, who had just returned to the Temple after not sleeping for two standard days, it seemed very late at night. The planet’s four moons were still casting light through the temple’s windows as he stalked down the hall mumbled to himself about his insufferable Padawan.

“Master Kenobi?” You called out to him softly. You and Obi Wan had come up the Jedi ranks from Younglings to Knights together. You probably would have earned your Master ranks together too, had Master Quin Gon’s untimely death not pushed forward his training timeline so much. Being that you were from the same Youngling class and had both stayed close to the Temple most of your lives it was safe to say that you and Obi Wan knew each other well. At least well enough to know when his troublesome Padawan was really wearing him down.

“Master Kenobi?” You repeated, he was much closer to you now, only a few steps away at most. You stopped walking; your hands lightly connected with his shoulders. This physical touch seemed to finally rouse him from his own mind.

“[Y/N]?” He asked, shaking his head. “I didn’t even see you.” He looked down at you with bewilderment. He had truly been deep inside his own head.

“So, I noticed.” You giggled.

“I’m sorry, [Y/N].” He apologized. “I barley just stepped off the transport. I haven’t had much sleep…Sometimes I wish…” He sighed. “Where are you off to this time of day?”

“Breakfast. Are you alright Obi?” You asked, fully aware of your hands were still gently resting on his shoulders. “You seem distracted.”

“How could I not be?” He scoffed. “I’m lucky to be alive no thanks to my Padawan.”

“So, things with Anakin aren’t going well?” You asked, cautiously.

“Are they ever?” He replied. His voice full of defeat. “I want to honor Master Qui Gon’s wishes, [Y/N]. I truly do, but Anakin! He’s impulsive and rash. He does things without any foresight or concern. He’s…”

“He’s everything that you are not.” You noted.

“Exactly!” Obi Wan agreed.

“Master Qui Gon often said that a Jedi Master can learn as much from his Padawan as the Padawan can learn from them. Perhaps that’s why the force has brought you and Anakin together.” You suggested.

Obi Wan’s eyes began to wander your face as he considered what you were saying. You felt like he was looking right through you while he once again retreated into his mind. He’d always been like that, as long as you’d known him. Obi took the teachings of the Jedi very seriously and you knew he reflected on the ways of the Force often. He’d been taught, much like you, that the Force was there to guide the Jedi and the will of the Force should always be respected.

“Perhaps you are right.” Obi Wan agreed suddenly. “Master Qui Gon did say on more than one occasion that I can be overly calculating. Perhaps it would do me well to act on my impulses. Just this once.”

You felt his hand brush against your cheek. You leaned into his warm touch. Your own hands moved from his shoulders and rested on his chest. You could feel the heat of his body even through the rough texture of his jedi robes. You had often dreamed of a moment like this. Just you and Obi Wan holding each other. He cupped your face with both his hands and pulled it towards him. You waited for him to hesitate or for his hands to drop at the last second, but they didn’t. Your lips touched his and again you waited for him to pull back, but he didn’t.

When you realized that he wasn’t going to push you away, you leaned into him. You grasped at his shirt hungrily, grabbing fistfuls of fabric. He too trying to pull you closer. It was the first time either of you had touched anyone like this. It was forbidden by the council.

“Wait!” You gasped, coming up for air. “Obi I-I…”

“Oh [Y/N], I’m so sorry!” He apologized immediately. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I-well I wasn’t thinking! That was foolish of me.” While Obi Wan scolded himself and made his rushed apology, you noticed that he still held you in his arms.

“Obi Wan, it’s alright.” You moved your hands once again. This time placing them behind his neck. Your thumbs gently rubbed along his jawline. “I’ve loved you since we were children.” You confessed. “But something like this…It would defy the council in a big way. Are you sure that you want to bring that kind of trouble upon yourself?”

Obi Wan didn’t have time to answer you. A set of footsteps could be heard from behind him. Though the pair of you leapt apart, you knew it was too late, you’d been spotted.

“Oh, there you are Master,” The voice of Anakin Skywalker could be heard as he traipsed down the hall. “I want to speak to you about…is this a bad time?” Anakin smiled wickedly when he spotted his master embracing you. He’d thought nothing of it at first, the two of you were very close. But when you sprung apart so quickly it did raise suspicion. “Perhaps I should come back later?” Anakin raised an eyebrow suggestively.

“It’s alright, I was just going.” You announced, feeling your mouth go dry. The moons were going down and the sun was coming up at last.

“[Y/N], wait…” Obi Wan reached for your arm. You let his fingertips graze you as you walked past.

“We’ll talk later Master Kenobi.” You told him. “For now, your Padawan needs you. “Anakin.” You nodded politely to the Padawan before continuing on your way to the refectory.

“What was that all about?” Anakin asked his master quietly as you walked away.

“Not a word of this to anyone is that understood?” Obi Wan ordered him.

“Believe me, I understand better than you think.” Anakin nodded. “We should talk, Master.”

#Obi Wan Kenobi #Obi Wan x Reader #obi wan fan fiction #Obi Wan Fan Fic #Obi Wan FF #Obi Wan Reader Insert #Obi Wan

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stupidsexyfandom · 4 years

Text

Armistice

@helsa-summer-event

Rated T // Drama, Modern AU

The gang engage in a classic beat-the-heat activity for people who don’t have central air: going to the movies.

Written for Prompt #5 of Helsa Summer: We’re cool in the summer.

“Come to the movies with me and Kristoff.”

“I thought you said it was too hot to do anything?” Hans smiled against the phone. He had long ceased to be surprised by Anna calling him up out of the blue to hang out, despite their messy breakup a year before. What he was not expecting was to be invited on a movie date with her new boyfriend. Something else had to be going on.

“I meant that it was too hot to do anything else. The theaters are air-conditioned, and the matinee tickets are cheap. Plus, I hear they have those deluxe reclining seats.” Anna acted oblivious to his probing. It was more likely that she was deliberately avoiding his unasked question.

“Don’t you have any other friends?” He kept his tone light and teasing.

“Well, yeah, but they’re all couples, and I don’t want Elsa to be uncomfortable. I don’t want her thinking this is a date thing.” Ah, there it was. Translation: Kristoff and I want to participate in the storied summer tradition of making out like teenagers in the dark, and I don’t want Elsa to see. Other couples would surely tip her off.

Hans sighed overdramatically and said, with faux grandiosity, “Fine. I will chaperone the chaperone while you and Kristoff get up to whatever it is you kids get up to these days. All I ask in return is a simple cone of Carvel ice cream, given to me at a prearranged time after the showing.”

“Thanks, gramps. You know, it’s a real wonder that you’re my only single friend.” He could hear Anna giggling through her sarcasm.

“Wonder no longer, for the truth is that I am simply too cool for all of you.”

“Sure, whatever you have to tell yourself. We’re seeing the latest Star Wars. Meet us in the parking lot at 4.”

It really is too hot to do anything else, thought Hans as he walked across the parking lot. Heat radiated up from the asphalt, the air shimmering with humidity. He saw the others standing by Kristoff’s truck, looking ready to wilt. Anna and Kristoff were dressed casually, seemingly taking their not-a-date act seriously. Elsa looked overdressed in comparison, out of place in her sleeveless button-up.

“Hey, Hans,” Anna called to him. He raised a hand in greeting. Kristoff gave him a friendly nod, while Elsa made no acknowledgement that she had even seen him.

“Hey, guys. I hope I haven’t kept you waiting?”

“No, we just got here,” said Anna, “Let’s go inside, I can’t stand to be out here any longer.”

They purchased their tickets and made their way to the appointed theater. Kristoff filed into their row first, then Anna, then Hans. Elsa sat next to him at the end of the row. Almost as soon as they had sat down, the lights dimmed.

As the trailers played, Hans was keenly aware of Elsa next to him. She perched on the edge of her seat, ignoring the reclining function. Hans figured he had better do the same so she could not look past him to the end of the row. She seemed ill at ease. Even in the darkness, he could see her white hands fidgeting out of the corner of his eye. He wondered if she was ever able to relax. Beside him, Kristoff had already pulled Anna into his lap. Their attention was clearly not on the screen. It seemed to Hans this rather defeated the purpose of coming to the movie theater to cool down, but what did he know?

Just after the opening crawl, he heard Elsa hiss, “I’m getting popcorn.” She stood up abruptly. Hans did the same, attempting to shield Kristoff and Anna from view. The sudden movement filled his vision with white. Let it never be said that he did not take his role of chaperone seriously. He followed her out of the theater.

When they reached the lobby, Elsa did not join the concessions line. Instead she kept walking out onto the sidewalk. The sun beat down on them, and Hans was instantly too hot. She whirled to face him, looking irritated.

“Look, I don’t need a babysitter!”

“A babysitter?” Hans feigned innocence.

“I know Anna wasn’t expecting me to say yes when she asked me to come. She thinks that just because I’ve never has a boyfriend, I don’t know what she and Kristoff are up to. I know, and I don’t care. But I do care that you keep hanging around my sister. How dare you, after what you did to her?”

Ah, he should have figured. Anna had never been one to hold a grudge. She may have given him a whopper of a black eye, but they had managed to awkwardly patch up their differences. It might even be said that they were now friends. Elsa was a different story. She had always come off as restrained, but Hans had suspected that a quiet intensity lay beneath the surface. The thrill of being proven right paled in comparison to the discomfort of being the recipient of her ire.

“Anna invited me here. We’ve worked things out.”

“Unfortunately for both of us, Westergaard, Anna is a far better person than I will ever be. That’s why you need to stay away from her!” A few wisps of hair had escaped from Elsa’s updo. They glowed golden in the light of the late afternoon sun. It struck him that she was very beautiful when she was angry, but he pushed the thought away. For one thing, Elsa was always beautiful. For another, that information was really, really not helpful or relevant right then.

“I’m sorry about what I did to her— to both of you. I can’t tell you how sorry I am. But all I can do is try to be better and to leave the past in the past. I hope you can give me that chance.”

“This isn’t about me. I can leave behind your petty games. I can leave behind the way you tried to snipe that internship out from under me. I can even forget how you spread rumors that I was having a nervous breakdown and should be ejected from the program.” Hans wanted to retort that the rumors had mostly been spread by Duke Weselton, and anyway, wasn’t the nervous breakdown thing true? But the past year had taught him that sometimes the snappiest response was not the best one. Half the battle of becoming a nicer person was just keeping his mouth shut.

Instead he said, “But you did get that internship. All I got was academic probation, which I’ve only now been removed from. I’m sorry that I hurt you, but I don’t know what else I can do.”

“I told you, I’m over it. But I can’t leave behind the way you used my sister because you thought our name would further your career. I can’t forget how cruel you were when you dumped her. And I’ll never forget how you left her at that party afterwards, drunk and alone. She could have died! Thank God Kristoff was there. He had to take her to the ER!” Elsa’s voice had risen, the tension between them as palpable as the humid air. Hans felt his own temper coming to a boil. His flaw in arguments had always been escalating to match the other person.

“I didn’t realize it was her first college party, and I certainly didn’t realize she had drunk so much! Yes, I shouldn’t have said those things to her. But it’s not like I was her only reason to get wasted. You never did her any good. She was so lonely because you were never around! She was always telling me how you never answered her calls. She invited you that night, and for once she thought you were really going to come. But you weren’t there!” Hans regretted the words as soon as they were out of his mouth. If half of not being a jerk was shutting up, the other half was taking responsibility for his own actions, and he had just blown both in one shot. Elsa stared up at him with such anguish in her eyes that it almost hurt to look at her. She reacted like an injured wildcat.

“You say that like it makes you any better! Yeah, I may be barely holding it together, and I may be failing Anna in every way that matters! But at least I’m not an asshole like you!” She looked close to the breaking point both physically and emotionally, as if she might collapse at any moment. Hans fought the sudden urge to reach out and comfort her. She might seem helpless in the moment, but he knew she would sooner bite off his head than cry on his shoulder.

“Elsa, I didn’t mean—” But her pain had been replaced by cold fury.

“Save it, Westergaard. I need to cool down. Here’s what’s going to happen. I will leave Anna and Kristoff to their covert activities, and I suggest you do the same. But first, I’m going inside for fifteen seconds to splash some water on my face. When I come back out, you had better not be here.” Elsa’s voice was cool and sharp as ice.

“Don’t you at least want to see the rest of the movie?” said Hans, although he was certain this situation was beyond saving. Elsa gave a harsh laugh.

“Hardly. I read the spoilers online, and I have no desire to watch Kylo Ren get redeemed on the big screen.”

“So you don’t believe in redemption? Not even for love?”

“People don’t change, Westergaard. Not through love, and not through death. Some things can never be forgiven.” And then she was gone, the theater door slammed shut in his face.

Hans did not want to see what would happen if he ignored her directive, so he walked to the grocery store next door. Through the front window, he watched Elsa emerge from the theater and storm into the Carvel across the parking lot. She sat at the counter with only a water, her head in her hands. After watching her for a few minutes, he decided to kill time until the movie ended. He walked up and down every aisle, fantasizing about climbing into a freezer case. The air conditioning and the familiar surroundings eventually calmed him down.

When he felt enough time had passed, he made his way back to the cinema. He slipped into the back row of the theater to catch the tail end of the movie. As the credits rolled, he met up with Anna and Kristoff outside the door to the lobby.

“Did you guys like the movie?” he asked, “What did you think of the part where they revealed Palpatine was merely a puppet controlled by Obi-wan Kenobi?”

“It was great,” said Kristoff at the same time as Anna said, “Palpatine was in this movie?” They stared at him blankly until he started laughing.

“Oh, the looks on your faces! Speaking of which, Kristoff, you’ve got a little something…” He gestured vaguely at his face. Kristoff wiped away a smear of lip gloss as Anna giggled.

“Where’s Elsa?” she asked, “I thought you were together?”

“She’s at Carvel. I’m afraid we had a bit of a blowout. I’m not exactly her favorite person. I’d better take a raincheck on that ice cream; I don’t think she wants to see me right now.”

“Oh no! I’d better go make sure she’s all right. I’m sorry about the ice cream, Hans. Next time!” She raced out of the theater, Kristoff trailing behind her. Hans watched through the window as they comforted Elsa. Although he remained in the cinema, his mind drifted back to the earlier argument. Christ, he really had behaved like an ass. By the time the trio had finished their ice cream, he realized he had been standing there too long. He made his way towards the door.

“Excuse me, sir!” He turned. One of the cinema employees was approaching him, waving something in her hand.

“Your girlfriend left these in the rest room.”

“She’s not my…” But Hans shut his mouth when he saw the medicine bottle he had been handed. As he read the name of the drug, several things dropped into place. He thought he understood now why she seemed so anxious all the time, why she rarely went out, why she didn’t answer her sister’s calls.

They met the next day on neutral ground, in the movie theater parking lot. The weather was cool and gray after the rain the night before. Elsa was already there when Hans pulled in, standing next to her car. There was still something stiff and formal about her appearance, but today it was softened by the voluminous braid over her shoulder. She looked as if she hadn’t slept.

“Give it to me,” she said as soon as he stepped out of the car. He produced the bottle from his pocket and handed it over. She snatched it from his grasp as if she were afraid he was going to pull it away at any moment.

“What do you want? Money? I can’t give you much, Anna will be suspicious if I withdraw from our trust account. Academic help? I can’t write your papers; they’ll know my writing style. But I can proofread and do your literature review. Or is it pull you want? I can speak to the dean, get the probation taken off your transcript. I’ll say I made it all up. Or I can talk to the board of my father’s company, I’m sure they’ll have a job offer for you. I’ll do anything you want, so long as you don’t tell anybody. Well, almost anything.” She wrapped her arms around her chest, protecting herself from some imagined fate. Hans was baffled.

“What? I don’t want any of that.”

“So you’re just going to tell everybody? My boss, the dean, my advisor? You won’t even give me a chance to buy your silence?”

“No, I’m not going to tell anybody,” he insisted. Did she seriously think he was about to blackmail her?

“Right, because I’m willing to cooperate. But you have to tell me what it is you want.” Her eyes were pleading, and she fidgeted anxiously with her hands.

“Elsa, I promise I’m not trying to blackmail you.”

“You’re not?” Her fidgeting stopped abruptly.

“No! God, no. What made you think that?”

“Your text. It was a bit cryptic.” She seemed more relaxed now, almost bordering on exhausted.

“I wasn’t sure if Anna knew, so I didn’t want to be specific.” In all the times they had discussed her sister, Anna had never mentioned Elsa’s illness. Considering how much she talked about her, Hans found it unlikely that it just never came up.

“I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions. I know it sounds paranoid, but I just couldn’t stop thinking about the rumors last time. I couldn’t go through that again. And I was so certain that you hated me enough, especially after yesterday.”

“I don’t hate you. I never hated you” Hans leaned against his car, waiting for her answer. After a few moments, she leaned next to him.

“You were right yesterday,” she said, “I’ve never done Anna any good. I couldn’t even protect her from you. You know, when you started dating, I saw the red flags. I thought, ‘What’s this grad student doing with a freshman?’ But I ignored it. I thought that you might be a more stable presence in her life. I thought that even if there was something up with you, it couldn’t be worse than me.”

“Look how that turned out,” said Hans wryly. They stood silently for what could have been a split second or an eternity.

“Anna doesn’t know,” said Elsa suddenly.

“Hm?”

“You said you weren’t sure if she knew. She doesn’t.”

“Don’t you think you should tell her?”

“I don’t know how. That night in the ER, I was so scared. I thought I was going to lose her. And I realized something had to change. If something happened, I couldn’t live with myself knowing that I had spent my whole life pushing her away. She’s all I have, and I love her dearly. It’s been hard this past year. I’ve been trying to let her in, but I don’t know how to do it without hurting her. And I don’t know if she can ever forgive me for what’s already happened. I wasn’t there when she needed me most.”

“I think we can agree,” said Hans, “that I have turned out to cause Anna far more harm than you have. But you’ve seen how readily she has forgiven me. If she can do that, I’m sure you won’t have any trouble. After all, she loves you.”

“I hope you’re right.” Hans reached out tentatively and patted her shoulder. She stiffened momentarily, but then she relaxed into the touch.

“Anyway,” he said, “you are not an asshole like me.” Elsa seemed surprised to find herself laughing, and Hans found himself joining in.

When she had pulled away from the car, Elsa said, “You know this doesn’t make us friends.”

“I would never dare to suggest such a thing. All I ask is this: truce?”

“Truce,” she replied decisively.

“Well,” he said, straightening up, “in honor of our newly-signed armistice agreement, I propose we go see a movie.”

“All right,” she agreed, “but only if we get ice cream afterwards.”

“Well, Elsa, what did you think? Did it make a case for the redemptive power of love?”

“I will concede that love is powerful enough to motivate change for the better. But change isn’t instantaneous. Redemption is a long process. You have to work for it, and it has to be earned time and time again. Death is just a lazy shorthand, and it’s bad writing.”

“You want to talk bad writing, what about my man General Hux? The guy just switched sides in the third act with no warning. The foreshadowing was nonexistent because they were too intent on fooling the audience. It was just a plot twist for the sake of a plot twist, more for shock value than because it added anything to the story. That’s bad writing.”

“I don’t know, I kind of liked him.”

“Either you’re saying that to be contrary or you just have a thing for redheads.”

“I am not being contrary!”

“So you like redheads, then?”

“I don’t!”

“You answered too quickly.”

“I didn’t!”

“Yes, you did.”

“Look, are we getting ice cream or not?”

***

Author’s Note: Modern AU is something I thought I would never write. But I did say I was apologizing today. Unfortunately, this did not turn out as light and fluffy as I had hoped. Some apology, huh? At least you got some Star Wars references out of it. Thank you all so much for reading! <3

#helsa #helsasummerevent #helsasummerevent2020 #frozen #hans #elsa #mentions of hanna #mentions of kristanna #star wars references #modern au #fanfic

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lady-divine-writes · 4 years

Text

Kurtbastian one-shot “All that Glitters” (Rated PG13)

Summary: Looking for something to stay connected to the skating world during quarantine, Kurt decided to enter an Instagram contest. Sebastian agrees to help, because he would do anything for his boyfriend ... until they come across something that almost turns out to be a hard no. (1751 words)

Notes: Combining the anon prompts 'The boys during quarantine' (which will be more than just this one one-shot', 'Sebastian hates glitter. That has to come up during figure skating, right?' and ‘Blaine's crush on Kurt is showing'. I did the best I could. I hope you like it :) Blaine friendly.

Part 63 of Outside Edge

Read on AO3.

“Have I told you how much I appreciate you doing this?” Kurt asks stiffly, trying not to move too much and chance smearing the teal liquid liner he’s applying to his boyfriend’s right eyelid.

“You may have mentioned it once or twice,” Sebastian replies, supremely uncomfortable in his current rigid sitting position, his wooden desk chair unforgiving against his numb behind. Still, he glows beneath his boyfriend’s praise.

“As much as I enjoy getting dolled up, I’m entering seven looks in this ISI performance makeup contest! The wear and tear on my face would have been substantial!”

“Can’t have that, can we?”

“No we can’t. The last thing I need during a frickin’ pandemic is to start developing wrinkles before I hit my twenties. As it is, I’m getting some serious dry patches on my cheeks.” Kurt caps his eyeliner and puts it with the rest of his supplies. Biting his lower lip, he stares at his army of palettes, lipsticks, compacts, and brushes laid out on Sebastian’s comforter, deciding on the next product to apply to his face. “Thank you, by the way,” he says in a softer tone, “for not thinking this is stupid.”

Sebastian tilts his head carefully. Kurt put a considerable amount of highlighter on his cheek over a heavy dusting of blush. He doesn’t want to accidentally smear it onto his bare shoulder, force Kurt to start all over again. Though the thought of another hour spent with Kurt hovering over him, the two of them shirtless, Kurt’s lips kissing distance from his as he stares deep into his eyes has Sebastian seriously contemplating scrubbing his hands down his face and making a mess of Kurt’s masterpiece.

“Why would I think it’s stupid? And even if it was stupid, I’ve done far stupider things … mainly during the holidays,” Sebastian says, hinting at a vague reference to the fact that he’s let Kurt talk him into dressing up as an inflatable snowman for their ice rink’s annual Christmas show … twice.

“I don’t know.” Kurt picks up a spoolie and starts tidying Sebastian’s eyebrows. “We’ve been quarantined for so long. We’ve been good about keeping up our training, staying occupied. We’re lucky. We have your rink to practice in but …” He shrugs “… I miss hanging out with our friends. They’ve canceled Regionals, Nationals, and Worlds, so all those people we only see three times a year? We won’t get to see them. These silly Instagram contests ISI puts on … I feel like they’re one of the only things keeping our skating community together.”

“I get ya.” Sebastian reaches for his boyfriend’s hips, massages with firm fingertips. “On my end, I’d do anything for you. I just want you to be happy.”

Kurt grins. “Well, it’s nice having a sexy male model to play with.”

“Is that why you asked Blaine to join us?” Sebastian asks sarcastically.

“Good Lord! Can we please go back to the part where you want me to be happy?”

“Absolutely,” Sebastian agrees with an easy smile, acting more casual than he feels. He’s not the biggest fan of makeup. He’s worn it before. It’s a hazard of participating in a performance sport. But he wouldn’t choose to wear it otherwise. No hate to guys who do, he just doesn’t like putting things on his skin. The eyeshadow alone is driving him to hysterics! But he loves Kurt.

Besides, after he found out Kurt had also asked Blaine for help and Blaine didn’t hesitate before saying yes, Sebastian couldn’t say no.

“All right-y then,” Kurt says, the smile growing on his lips as he contemplates his work. “You’re almost done.”

“Almost? What else could you possibly fit on my face?”

“Just a teeny bit of glitter …”

“Uh … glitter?” Sebastian backs his chair away with a tight laugh. “You … you didn’t mention glitter.”

“I didn’t mention it because I thought it would be obvious.”

“How? How is it obvious?”

Kurt looks pointedly down at his own bare chest coated in a generous layer of the stuff, then back at Sebastian with an eyebrow raised. “Don’t be such a baby. It’s not like it’s going to hurt.”

“Isn’t glitter considered the STD of art supplies?” Sebastian says, scooting to the left and dodging Kurt’s glitter shaker.

Kurt pulls a face. “That’s disgusting!”

“Point made.”

“Come on, Bas! It’s made of seaweed. Like the stuff Lush uses. It’s eco-friendly.”

“Glad to hear it but that wasn’t really my concern.”

Kurt puts his hands on his hips, highly offended on glitter’s behalf. “Why don’t you like glitter?”

“Because it’s so … it’s so … sparkly! And it’s like sand. It gets everywhere.”

“Okay, Obi-Wan.”

Sebastian frowns. “You’re thinking of Anakin. Not Obi-Wan.”

“Anakin killed Natalie Portman. I refuse to acknowledge his existence.”

Sebastian stares at his boyfriend, at this stranger he thought he knew so well, but decides to drop this tangential argument and continue with the matter at hand. “Anyway, it’s impossible to get off.”

“It comes off lickety-split in hot, soapy water. I’ll help you take it off.” Kurt flashes a suggestive grin, but Sebastian seems to miss it.

“Please, Kurt? I’d rather not.”

“But … the look is called Summer Sparkle!” Kurt throws his hands up in frustration. “How did you not assume there’d be glitter?”

“Couldn’t you transition this into another look? Something not so sparkly?”

“Like what?” Kurt asks, clipping the single syllables till they’re razor sharp.

“I don’t know. I’m not the creative genius here---ooo!” Sebastian comes up with an idea way too quickly. “How about something along the lines of Lone Wolf at Midnight?”

“So …” Kurt says, followed by a loud click of his tongue against the roof of his mouth “… you’d rather I glue fur to your face than glitter?”

Sebastian swallows hard. He hadn’t considered that as a possibility. “Uh … you see … I’m trying to avoid gluing anything to my face.”

“Ugh! Sometimes you’re such a … a … a …!”

“An ass?”

“That’s the word!”

“Kur-urt …” Sebastian whines.

“I thought you said you’d do anything for me?”

“And if I absolutely have to wear glitter, I will. I’m just asking if I absolutely have to.”

Kurt sighs, his hands falling to his sides in defeat. “No, you don’t. If you don’t want to wear the glitter, you don’t have to wear the glitter.”

“Great!” Sebastian mimics wiping his forehead in relief. “Thank you. You are truly a kind and benevolent dictator.”

“Yeah, whatever … Blaine! You ready for some glitter?”

“Great!” Kurt says with unnecessary enthusiasm. “Thank you, Blaine!”

A shirtless Blaine peeks in from the hallway outside Sebastian’s room. "Ready as I'll ever be."

Going shirtless was a group decision. The focus of the photographs is supposed to be their faces, but they thought they’d take the opportunity to show off their rockin’ ‘made-in-quarantine’ physiques. A little bragging never hurt nobody. It’ll definitely help with the ‘like’ factor, which is how the contest will be judged. Besides, it’s psychological warfare - showing the competition that nothing, not even being locked down for three months, was going to knock them off their game.

“You’re … welcome?” Blaine replies, a little confused.

Kurt turns his jar of glitter over and gives it a shake, ready to add another layer to his own skin out of spite, but nothing comes out. He straightens, lifts the shaker to the light, and peers inside. “Oh no! It looks like I’m out of this one!”

“I think that’s because you’re wearing enough glitter for all of us.” Blaine snorts. Kurt’s nose scrunches when he does. He’d mentioned to Sebastian once that he thought it was cute when Blaine snorted.

Sebastian rolls his eyes.

Kurt taps a finger to his chin, thinking up a solution. One comes to him, lighting his eyes brighter than the glitter on his chest. “Wait a minute! That gives me an idea! Blaine, you’re a genius!”

“I … I am?” Blaine stutters, more than a little concerned, especially since he can feel Sebastian glaring at him, hot enough to melt his foundation.

“Absolutely!” Kurt smiles and throws his arms open wide. “Come here and give me a hug!”

Blaine’s face goes comically blank, but he rushes forward at the invitation anyway, never one to turn down a hug from Kurt. But Sebastian wastes no time blocking him, shooting to his feet and wrapping his arms around Kurt, pressing their bodies together.

“Uh … nope,” “Sebastian says, waving Blaine off. “No, no, no, not necessary. I’ve go this one handled, thank you.”

There’s a lot Sebastian will put up with in regards to his boyfriend’s relationship with Blaine.

Shirtless hugging isn’t one of those.

After a full minute of awkwardly sandwiching their bodies together, Sebastian steps back to survey the outcome … and groans. “Look, now, see?” he comments dryly. “There’s not enough glitter for you, Blaine. Sorry. You’re going to have to get yours somewhere else.”

Blaine chuckles at Sebastian’s discomfort. “I can see that.” He takes a seat on the end of the bed and waits patiently for Kurt to beat his mug. He realizes it will probably happen under the watchful scowl of Sebastian Smythe but it’ll be worth it.

As awful as it sounds, Blaine enjoys getting under his skin every once in a while.

Blaine respects Kurt and Sebastian’s relationship more than anything, even if he can’t help harboring a crush on Kurt. Without the two of them, he doesn’t know where he’d be right now. Honestly, he’d rather not think about that. But a great deal of his safety and security he attributes to Sebastian’s generosity - a generosity that may only exist because of Sebastian’s love for Kurt.

So Blaine’s not about to step on any toes.

But Sebastian makes it too easy to get on his nerves. And the more Blaine does, the more fun it is.

Having Kurt’s full attention, their faces kissing distance the way his was with Sebastian’s? The next hour should be a hoot.

“See?” Kurt runs a light finger over the spattering of glitter covering Sebastian’s skin. “Is that so painful?”

“Yes,” Sebastian mutters, looking down in disgust at the iridescent specks starting to itch. He looks over at Blaine - shirtless, tanned, and muscular Blaine, sitting on the edge of the mattress, awaiting his turn. He’d been so quick to jump on the glitter grenade, which makes this coat Sebastian is wearing a casualty of war. “Yes, it is.”

#kurtbastian #sebkurt #sekurt #kurt hummel #sebastian smythe

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jadejedi · 4 years

Text

So You Hate The Last Jedi (part two)

Part One- Theme Part Two- Luke Part Three- Rey Part Four- Finn

Part Two- Luke Skywalker

My main complaints that I originally had about The Last Jedi were about Luke Skywalker, and I know that this is true for many fans. Luke is my favorite Star Wars character, and has been since I was a kid. I felt like Johnson had done him seriously dirty.

My complaints:

-Why is he so jaded and bitter?? What is up with the throwing of the lightsaber and the drinking of the green milk??? That is not the Luke we know at ALL.

-Why is he both wanting the Jedi to end AND protecting the ancient Jedi texts???

-Why would he be able to see the good in his father but not in his own nephew??? Luke already faced the darkside in RotJ, how could he have done this to Ben???

So, to start, I want to ask a question: who is the main character of the main Star Wars Saga, if there is one at all? Maybe when there were just six movies, you could argue pretty easily that it was Anakin. The prequels told the story of his fall, and the original trilogy told the story of his redemption. But, now, with the sequels, I would argue that the saga is now definitively *Luke’s * story. Not Anakin’s.

I would argue that Luke is basically the audience insert character, through whose eyes we see the story unfold, not just in the original trilogy, but in the entire saga. He experiences Star Wars in the same order that we as an audience did with the chronological release of the nine films (8 that are relevant to our discussion), and is basically the voice for the fandom at large. First the original trilogy with its hopeful message about fighting fascism and looking longingly back on the days of the Jedi and the Republic, wanting to bring them back. And then, sometime between the OT and the ST, learning about Palpatine, and the Clone Wars, and the fall of the Jedi Order.

While many Star Wars fans, including myself, love the prequels, the world as a whole has a complicated relationship with the prequels. Or maybe it isn’t that complicated. People hate them. For a lot of reasons, but I think that the most interesting reason is that people hated the Jedi Order for being boring bureaucrats. Obi-Wan described them as defenders of peace and justice, and they are literally out here using a slave army, fighting for no other reason than some planets want to split away.

While we don’t know exactly how much Luke knows about the Clone War era, he knows enough to know about the Jedi’s role in Palpatine’s rise to power. Like us, the Luke we see in TLJ is disgusted at this aspect of the Jedi, thus why he wants the Jedi to end. But at the same time, like us, he still believes, in his core, in that idea of the Jedi as protectors of peace and justice, which is why he hesitates to destroy the ancient texts. I would also say he kind of represents a certain kind of Star Wars fan, the kind that is so attached to the lore and trivia in Star Wars, that he hates the idea of anything changing or messing around with it, like Rey.

So why is Luke so bitter and angry at the beginning of The Last Jedi? Because, coming into the sequel trilogy, so were many of the people who have watched and loved Star Wars throughout the years. He felt betrayed by the image that Obi-Wan painted of the Jedi, just as many fans did.

In part one, I mentioned that I would be discussing another major idea running throughout this movie: grappling with a shared dark history. This is where that comes in. For this section, I will be drawing upon the ideas of literally my favorite YouTube video in existence, Quinton Reviews’, “Putting the ‘War’ in Star Wars- A Prequel Analysis”.

Beyond the large-scale, metatextual reading of Luke’s character in The Last Jedi, there is also what is explicitly happening in the text, which parallels what is happening on that metatextual level, which is that Luke is grappling with the fact that his history, the history of the Jedi, the history of the Republic, and even his own family’s history, is darker and more complicated than he originally thought, even by the end of RoTJ.

According to George Lucas, the prequels are the story of how fascism comes to power in a democracy. “Because democracies aren’t overthrown; they’re given away.” That is the point of the prequels. Palpatine didn’t become emperor by overthrowing the Jedi and the Republic. They handed it to him, through the GAR, through emergency powers and weakened term limits, and through a commitment not to ideals, but to a government.

The original trilogy is a fanciful look at war. In the OT, war is not complicated. There are good guys, and there are bad guys. We don’t need to think too closely about how those bad guys came to power in the first place, oh no. We just need to fight them to restore the Republic and the Jedi. No need to examine those too closely either. The prequel trilogy pulls back the curtain on war and its complexities, which, again, I think is a big part of why people hold such disdain for them.

In The Last Jedi, Luke is dealing with the fact that the New Republic and his new Jedi Order failed, and they failed because they *didn’t* learn from the past. (Going back to the theme of learning from failure!) He, the galaxy as a whole, and us as the audience, are all learning that in order to deal with something like facism, you have to actually look at where it comes from, and realize that it didn’t come from nowhere, and if not properly dealt with, will be back.

Now, the last point about Luke’s character in The Last Jedi. Like I said in part one, Luke’s failure with Ben is a major part of the movie’s theme, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it makes sense for the character. I want to argue that it does. If you watched Shaun or Jenny Nicholson’s videos that I linked in the previous part, then you have already heard what I am about to say.

Luke very much did try to kill Vader. Like, multiple times over the course of two movies. While I would disagree with the assertion that Luke *only* tried to redeem Vader because he couldn’t physically defeat him, it certainly was a factor when it came down to it by the end of RotJ. With Ben, he could sense the darkness in him, and after having been through a whole lot of bad stuff already, thought for a split second that he could prevent future horrors. As Jenny says in her video, he had the thought. He didn’t spend several minutes desperately trying to kill Ben. He walked in there, ignited his lightsaber, and immediately realised ‘wtf am i doing?!’.

Going back to the idea of dealing with facism, Luke failed because he thought that he could deal with fascism by killing one dude. But facism is more than that. It’s always going to be more than one person; it’s an ideology.

And as for Luke having already confronted the darkside- that’s not how temptation works. It’s not a one and done thing. And yeah, he failed. We will all have a moment in our lives where we fail, and again, failure is what this movie is about. The fact that Luke eventually learns from his failure, by teaching Rey about the history of the Jedi, so that she can learn from his mistakes and the mistakes of the Jedi as a whole, makes his character arc a hopeful one, in my book.

For me, it is Luke’s journey in TLJ that ties the whole saga together. In this, we finally get to deal with the implications of the prequels and wrestle with what that means both in and out of universe.

#star wars #star wars meta #luke skywalker #the last jedi #sw meta #tlj #sw #hannah talks #so you hate the last jedi

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mst3kproject · 5 years

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1111: Wizards of the Lost Kingdom 2

You know how Joel said the part of the movie that was ‘spilled’, the bit with David Carradine fighting the monster called the Protector, could have saved the whole film? He lied. It’s just as dumb as the rest of the movie. In fact, this whole film is so stupid and predictable that I’m going to have a very hard time filling two pages with my thoughts on it. Apparently even Joel himself wished he’d found a different movie to use.

An age of darkness has fallen, and Caedmon of Nogg is the world’s last hope. The ghost of his father, I think, or maybe Obi-Wan Kenobi, appears in a bucket of coffee and charges him with finding the Chosen One, whose pure heart will re-unite the Three Powers. The Chosen One is a skinny, hormone-suffused teenage boy named Tyor who works on a stick farm somewhere, and Caedmon trains him in wizardry while seeking out three powerful warriors: the Dark One of Eedok, Prince Ermine of Valdar, and Amathea of Fennir. One by one, they defeat the evil wizards and gather the magical sword, chalice, and amulet that will bring peace to the world.

So, yeah, it’s less a ‘movie’ than it is a Dungeons and Dragons campaign, thrown together in five minutes after the original GM called from the side of the road with a flat tire.

It’s not at all apparent how this is a sequel to Wizards of the Lost Kingdom. Not only are the storylines unconnected, the whole aesthetic is totally different. Where the first movie was all bright colours and friendly forest creatures, this one is brown and gray, starving peasants and grubby heroes. It’s kind of the difference between Snow White and the Seven Dwarves and Game of Thrones, although infinitely worse than either. Still, if there’s any sort of connection to be found, I should be able to figure it out. After all, one of my running gags on this blog is The Movies Are All Coming Together, in which I find connections between unrelated films to assemble them into a single, great, incomprehensible movie.

For starters, Wizards of the Lost Kingdom 2 is definitely a sequel to The Undead. After Pendragon skooered Lydia the Witch, her insanity curse on Smolken wore off and he remembered he was actually Caedmon the Wizard. He was forced to run off to this distant land to escape all the medieval punk kids wanting him to autograph their copies of Digger Smolken’s Rottenest Hits. As for how this relates to Wizards of the Lost Kingdom, though? I don’t think this is a sequel at all. It’s actually a prequel. See if you can follow me here:

Remember, Tyor was not supposed to kill Zarz… by running him through at the end, he gave in to evil. So after a few years of putting up with Caedmon’s incompetence as a pupil, he got sick of him, turned him into a sparkly crab hat, and embraced the dark side. Meanwhile, Amathea was getting tired of Ermine’s philandering, so she and Tyor teamed up to kill him and seize the throne. The Dark One’s restaurant went under after he was caught selling chicken that turned back into stone when you bit into it. He tried to get money to pay off his small business loans by ditching Stripper Wife and wooing a wealthy cyclops so he could take her dowry and run. To avoid his jilted bride’s vengeful brother, he went on the run and returned to using his real name, Kor. Presto, you’ve got Wizards of the Lost Kingdom!

I have to take a break now. My brain hurts.

This movie wants so badly to be epic. The narration sounds like Achronus from Cave Dwellers telling us another story about Ator: and so, Cademon of Nogg set out across the land of Syn in search of the boy Tyor. And yet, every time something happens that should be epic, it’s just people standing around. The finale is a showdown between callow young Tyor and the two dark wizards Zarz and Donar, and they all just kind of mill around and bicker. The fight between the Dark One and the Protector is much closer to being a climactic battle than this is, but it’s just more obvious fake swordplay and disappointment, and David Carradine looks downright embarrassed about it. I’m not convinced that scene was actually intended for this movie, by the way. David Carradine made another stupid fantasy movie called The Warrior and the Sorceress, which I have not seen, and it might be from that.

One thing I can say for Wizards of the Lost Kingdom 2, though, is that the middle of the story has substantially more to do with the beginning and end than in its predecessor. Caedmon is given his task, which is to find Tyor and then help him get the sword, amulet, and chalice so he can overthrow the evil wizards and unite the three kingdoms. And the middle of the movie is spent doing exactly that. This does divide the whole narrative into three separate plots that are only barely related to each other, and because of the limited running time all three of them feel truncated. Tyor confronts Loki and turns him to stone and we’re like, that’s it? He hears the voice of Obi-Wan Kenobi and pulls a knife on Freyja, who agrees to take him to the sword and… that’s it? It feels like the movie ought to be twice as long as it is, except that we really wouldn’t want that.

In particular, the audience has no idea what the sword, the amulet, and the chalice really do. The fact that Tyor is able to overcome the amulet’s supposedly supreme power with some nonsense words really deflates the whole enterprise. The sword is supposed to be magical but all it gets used for is stabbing people. The chalice shows the truth except that Zarz can make it lie? And at the end Obi-Wan takes all three away instead of letting Ermine and Amathea use them to rule the three kingdoms? The three artefacts could not be more obviously plot contrivances, even if they were just boxes with the word macguffin written on them.

The Protector beast really ought to have been set up earlier, too, if it were going to deserve a setpiece fight. As it is, MST3K excised it with no plot consequences. Why didn’t we get to see Zarz feeding people to it?

Wizards of the Lost Kingdom 2 is grittier and less silly than its predecessor, which does allow the actors to escape with some tatters of their dignity, but in a way this is itself a weakness. The first movie kept me interested mostly by throwing random episodes of what the fuck at me. This one plods through its plotline without any lion-centaur beasts or random tricksy mermaids, although the impossibly bad werewolf-versus-pigwoman fight did make me look twice. At the same time, paradoxically enough, I think it’s fair to say that Wizards of the Lost Kingdom 2 also takes itself less seriously. The first movie did have a full-on wizards’ battle at the end, even if it sucked. The second one here has a whole lot of talking and Tyor turning the crystal ball into a roast chicken, which apparently incapacitates Zarz in some way but I’m damned if I know how. The roast chickens in the movie are clearly the ones you get out of the little warmer at the grocery store deli.

You know what? This movie should have ended with Tyor turning Zarz into a chicken! That would have allowed Tyor to win without killing anyone, and given a purpose to the weird ‘chicken’ motif that keeps happening. Why was I able to come up with that, and the movie wasn’t? The writers seem to think that chickens are somehow inherently funny, when really everybody knows that’s only true when they’re trying to cross the street.

These are not movies that really lend themselves to analysis but I guess there’s kind of a hint of theme, in that the Dark One would rather live quietly, running his pub with his wife, and only goes out to fight when he’s forced to do so? Although I’m not sure how we’re meant to interpret that. Is it about the benefits of a peaceful lifestyle (insofar as stabbing people when they don’t tip qualifies as ‘peaceful’)? Or are we supposed to think the Dark One should have gotten off his ass and answered the call of duty before it came to that? Maybe the chicken thing was meant to suggest that even a coward can save the world? I don’t know. I just work here.

So that’s my marathon of lame-ass wizard movies that made it to MST3K. Of the three, I think the first Wizards of the Lost Kingdom was easily my favourite. It was light and silly and it made no sense, but it kept me giggling, sometimes just out of sheer surprise. And I guess that means Quest of the Delta Knights would come in second, because Wizards of the Lost Kingdom 2 was definitely the worst. The other two movies at least looked like people were having a good time making them, while this one feels like it was probably as much a chore to be in as it is to watch. Even Sid Haig as Donar looks like he’d rather be anywhere else, and considering some of the crap Sid Haig seemed to have been enjoying himself in, that’s really saying something.

All the monster fights in the world couldn’t have saved this one. What it really needed was the Dark One fighting a giant chicken.

#mst3k #reviews #wizards of the lost kingdom 2 #80s

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coleroz · 6 years

Text

Awake

Anakin didn’t turn. His duel with Sidious left him in a coma lasting four years. He wakes, and meets his little son.

The medic was doing the usual routine check. Making sure the patient was stable, that all vital signs were normal, and none of the equipment hooked up to him was malfunctioning in any way. She documented several things and checked off the list on the datapad.

She stepped away to retrieve a fresh, clean breathing tube as it was due to be changed.

It was all routine, the patient had been here, condition unchanging for four years now. She’d expected no difference. She turned towards the med bed again, only to stumble back and gasp with utter surprise.

“Why, he’s awake!”

~o0o~

Anakin Skywalker sat up in a medical bed. Or rather, he sat propped up by several pillows. His mind was foggy, and he was trying to make sense of...everything, while medics fussed all around him.

He took stock of everything he could. First, most noticeably, he was weak. Alarmingly so. When first he’d come to his senses, he’d instinctively tried to sit up, despite the young medic urging him lie still. The effort had defeated more completely than Dooku had when he was a padawan learner.

He tried to think what the last thing he remembered was. But all he could come up with was...pain. Blind agonizing pain.

He barely noticed the medics finally finishing their work and filing out except for one who he guessed was just keeping an eye on him.

At some point he heard voices outside his door. Two people conversing he concluded. One he didn’t recognize, the other was familiar. It was a voice that had represented wisdom, safety and comfort throughout most of his life.

The door opened, And Obi-wan Kenobi stepped through.

~o0o~

Obi-wan’s gray-blue gaze locked on the bed. When he saw Anakin’s eyes open he rushed over.

“Anakin.” He breathed.

“Master?”

Hearing his voice, years worth of worry and built-up tension seemed to drain out of Obi-wan. His shoulders lowered, his hands uncurled and his eyes relaxed, and Anakin could could have sworn he saw the sparkle of tears. Then his master blinked and it was gone.

“You’re awake.” He said moving to sit in a chair beside the bed.

Anakin’s lips quirked in a smile. “So it would seem.” Then the smile faded. “ What happened?” He asked seriously.

Obi-wan studied him carefully. “What’s the last thing you remember?”

Anakin hesitated. “I’ve been trying to figure that out myself. I just remember, pain, and lightning?”

Obi-wan nodded. “Dark side lightning. You remember that particularly nasty sith technique Dooku used.”

Anakin groaned at the memory of getting blasted in the chest with sith lightning sprouting from Dooku’s fingertips.

“How could I forget?”

His master smirked. “I’m sure I don’t know.” Anakin glared at him, but Obi-wan ignored it as he continued. “You confronted the chancellor with Master Windu. Do you recall?”

Anakin considered, then nodded, the memory coming back to him now, so Obi-wan went on. “The two of you together managed to hold him off long enough for Master Yoda and I to come to your aid. Sidious took the first opportunity he could to blast you with lightning, and you blacked out.

“Yes. I remember now. ” He said, wincing as he did. Kriff, he really should have been expecting that. Sith don’t play by the rules after all. He should know. “So, did you-”

“We defeated him, naturally. He was immensely powerful, but he couldn’t take us all on at once. He knew that of course which is why he tried to take you out of the picture, in a desperate attempt to give himself some semblance of a chance.”

“So he’s dead?” Said Anakin, just to clarify. He had noticed the Force felt, brighter, clearer, like the tone of a new bell. Not clouded, and dim, as it had for several years. Particularly during the Clone Wars.

“The details aren’t important. But yes, we killed him in the end. We immediately tended to you, but you were already fast slipping into a coma. One no one was sure when you’d wake from, if ever.” He looked Anakin straight in the eye now. “One that has lasted over four years.”

Anakin took a moment to process that. And horror filled him.

Four years.

Four years. He’d been gone four years and left-

“Padme!” Oh Force, Padme!

Obi-wan placed a firm hand on his chest. “She’s fine, Anakin, not to worry. She’s perfectly fine.” He smiled warmly. “And so are the children.” He said with a twinkle in his eye.

Anakin stilled. “You, you know about that?” He asked, an odd mix of terrified and relieved.

“Certainly I know. Padme couldn’t very well keep it a secret much longer, especially after the birth, which went quite smoothly. I’m shocked she was able to conceal it as long as she did.” He paused and looked down, sadness clear on his face. “I must say I am rather disappointed, even hurt that you didn’t feel you could trust me with this.”

Anakin didn’t know what to say. Obi-wan looked genuinely disappointed and remorseful. He swallowed “Master, I-” But Obi-wan put up a hand. “But that’s a discussion for another time Anakin.” He was smiling again. “You’ve finally woken up and this is a happy occasion.”

Anakin released a breath and eyed his old mentor gratefully.

“So she gave birth, did it-”

He stopped.

His mind abruptly backtracked to earlier in the conversation.

Obi-wan said-

“Did…...did you say children? Plural?”

Ob-wan’s smile broadened. “I did indeed. Children. Twins. Padme gave birth to twins. A boy and a girl. Congratulations Anakin.”

Anakin mouthed, twins, as if trying the word out. Then his mind swam. Two babies. Two. A boy and a girl. Grinning like a fool, he started talking a mile a minute.

“How are they? What do they look like? What are their names? Are they with Padme? Are they coming here? When will they get here? How-”

“Padme is on her way.” Obi-wan cut his young friend off. “I commed her the moment I heard you were conscious.”

Before Anakin could ask, he quickly continued, “She’ll be a little while Anakin. Three years ago, we had to transfer you here, to this specialized medical facility here on Aarondor. It’s about four hours from Coruscant.”

“They won’t arrive for a while then.” Anakin murmured more to himself than to Obi-wan. Disappointed, he slumped further into the cushions. He honestly wasn’t certain how long he could stand waiting to see his angel. His angel, and his babies. His children.

In that moment he was sure he would go mad with anticipation before they got here.

“Actually….” Obi-wan began, and Anakin perked up. His eyes suddenly glued to him. “What?” He demanded.

“I have one of the twins here with me.”

“What?! Why with you?”

Obi-wan quirked an eyebrow, then shrugged. “It’s difficult for Padme to handle both twins at once when she’s at the senate even when she has her handmaiden. They are Force-sensitive after all. So I take one or both of them off her hands when I can. We’ve all visited you in rotations-”

“Where?!” Anakin almost shouted the word. Instinctively, he reached out carefully with the Force, and felt a small presence nearby. Small but almost blindingly bright, and so…..pure. Pure light, like a small star.

“In the waiting area at the moment, the doctor wasn’t certain you should-”

But Anakin was already struggling to get off the bed. Some of his strength had begun to return already,(Though it would take months for him to fully recover, he knew) and the thought of one of his children, in such close proximity, tantalizingly close….He didn’t care what anyone said. He needed this now.

Obi-wan however, again stepped forward to push his old apprentice back down. Anakin made a move to shove his hand away, but Obi-wan placed both hands on his shoulders and spoke quickly.

“Stay put, now, I’ll bring him to you. Just have a spot of patience. You’re still recovering. Do you want to put yourself in another coma before Padme even gets here?”

Anakin forced himself to calm down and laid back obediently. He looked at Obi-wan expectantly, an almost wild need behind his eyes.

Obi-wan nodded. “I’ll be right back then. Don’t you move.” He said in a tone that brooked no argument.

~o0o~

He seemed to be gone for an eternity. More than once Anakin was tempted to jump out of bed and go after him. His eyes never moved from the door, so he saw the instant Obi-wan returned. His eyes were immediately drawn to the tiny figure in his arms. Bright, sandy-blond hair, lighter than his own, stood out against the deep brown of Obi-wan’s robe.

His old mentor approached him and spoke softly. “Anakin. This is your son.”

A name. Give me a name.

“This is Luke.”

Luke. Anakin latched onto the name, mouthing it, rolling it over in his mind and he decided it was perfect.

Luke turned his head to look directly at him, and Anakin’s breath caught. Blue eyes, identical to his own, stared at him curiously.

Obi-wan moved to to put the perfect little angel on the bed, in Anakin’s lap. He seemed to weigh almost nothing. Luke looked curiously up at him, his little head cocked. Anakin immediately decided the expression was adorable.

Luke pointed a tiny finger at Anakin and said to Obi-wan. “He’s awake.”

Obi-wan smiled at the boy. “Yes, Luke. Your father’s finally awake.”

“Daddy?” He asked, and a thrill shook Anakin at the sound of it.

Anakin reached out with the Force again to the thrumming, blindingly bright, and incredibly pure Force presence of his son. This time, he felt his son reach out for him in return, and Anakin couldn’t help gasping aloud. A channel seemed to open up between father and son. A connection deeper than any he’d known.

This, this was incredible. It was so clear, so open. It felt as though it were an intricate part of himself. His Force bond with his master had never felt like this, nor with Ahsoka, or even his mother.

He’d...he’d never felt anyone like this before.

Obi-wan’s voice brought him out of his trance. “Say hello to your father, Luke.”

Obediently, Luke put up his hand in a little wave. “Hi.”

Anakin reached out with one hand, his flesh one, and touched the feather-soft hair. He trailed down and traced the curve of the jaw. He brushed the round cheek with his thumb. He touched the eyes, ears and soft pink lips. He touched the nose with a finger, making the little boy giggle. It was a heavenly sound that made Anakin’s heart swell.

Then his son put his own hand up and touched his father’s hair, his jaw, his eyes, ears, lips and nose.

Then Anakin could no longer help himself. He wrapped his arms around his tiny son. A thrill went through him as Luke snuggled into him. Through the open bond, he caught a wave of pleasure from Luke at being so snug, to his delight.

He was vaguely aware that his face was wet.

“Hello, Little one.” He choked out, then whispered, “I’ve waited so long for you. For you….and your Sister.”

“Leia.”

He blinked.

“Leia? Is- is that her name?”

Luke nodded seriously. “Leia.” He repeated, as if to make certain he had it right.

Luke and Leia. He loved the sound of it.

“I can’t wait to meet her.”

Was it even possible for one person to feel as much love as he did for the tiny child in his arms? He’d thought he’d known all about love. Padme was his true love, and he loved her more than life itself, but this. This was something different. Something new entirely. Something beyond all his imaginings. Something pure, and good, and right.

In that moment he realized, he would die for this precious bundle in his arms. Without hesitation.

~o0o~

The man who was his daddy was nice, Luke decided. He could feel him. Like he felt Leia, but different. He felt really warm, and even without the smile on his face, Luke could tell he was happy. It made Luke feel good all inside. There were other feelings too. Strange ones that Luke didn’t have a name for. But mostly it was happiness.

He touched Luke all over, and he wondered if it was a game. Mommy sometimes played games like that. He touched him back, the same way he had, and that seemed to please him, so Luke thought with satisfaction that he must have played the game right.

Then his daddy held him and Luke immediately decided he liked that. He had big arms that almost completely covered Luke, and Luke tried to get even deeper in. Mommy and Uncle Obi sometimes held him and that was nice, but it wasn’t like this. It made him feel safe. It made him feel good.

Mommy and Uncle Obi had always taken him and Leia to visit their daddy while he was sleeping. They usually got bored of it fast, since there wasn’t much to do, other than watch Daddy sleep and talk to him. Luke once asked Mommy why Daddy was asleep all the time. She said that a long time ago Daddy was really hurt, and now his body was sleeping, trying to get better.

He liked Daddy much better awake, Luke thought.

I needed something like this so I made it. Aarondor is a planet I made up for plot convenience btw, so don’t go looking it up on Wookieepedia or anything.

Read on Fanfiction.net here

#Anakin Skywalker #Luke Skywalker #Padme Skywalker #Leia Skywalker #Obi-wan Kenobi #star wars #star wars fanfiction #fanfiction #my writing #father and son #luke and anakin #little luke #here's another one #is it good?#Skywalker family

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thebibliomancer · 7 years

Text

Essential Avengers: Avengers Annual #7 + Marvel Two-In-One Annual #2

December, 1977

A joyous various winter type time period for you and yours!

Due to these issues issues coincidentally falling in December and also wanting to get back to the main book as soon as possible, I’m doubling up issues in this post. It’s a Yule-esque miracle, perhaps.

I wanted to get this out last Friday but I couldn’t make it in time before I had to visit my family for pre-Christmas.

Anyway, lets get into it.

The Avengers and Captain Marvel and some jerk named Adam Warlock team up to fight Thanos.

We’ve seen this before but the Avengers got kicked off the field so Drax and Captain Marvel got to hog all the Thanos to themselves. Maybe they’ll get their asses beat by him personally this time.

Dangit, maybe I should have saved this for when Infinity War came out? Eh. I can always cover Infinity Gauntlet. Its Avengers-adjacent.

Without further ado, let us commence without stealing someone’s catchphrase.

We start with Adam Warlock being moody and in space, the two prime facets of his character.

In brief, Adam Warlock was created by evil scientists to be the Perfect Man. He was then beaten near death by Thor and went back to his cocoon. Later, the High Evolutionary named him Warlock, gave him the Soul Gem, and sent him to Counter-Earth to become its champion where he gained the name Adam. Then he became involved in a predestination paradox with his evil future self the Magus and had to murder himself in the future to prevent his evil future self from existing. Thanos helped with this for his own nefarious purposes.

Warlock has been tracking Thanos, following the trail of destruction as it were. But he finds Gamora, Thanos’ most faithful servant.

Gamora is a lot different than in the movies. For one thing, she’s dying.

She discovered his secret plan of Stellar Genocide to wipe out all life and so he left her for dead.

Gamora: “He’s quite mad, you know.”

She says, master of understatement.

Gamora also reveals that the only person Thanos fears is... ADAM WARLOCK.

Warlock swears he’ll hunt down Thanos. But he won’t do it alone. bwoop. His forehead jewel eats Gamora’s soul. As it do.

He also scream exposits at no-one that he thought Thanos was a friend but Chaos and Order whispered to him while he slept that Thanos was a betrayer and also that Warlock is the Champion of Life, the natural foe to Thanos, Champion of Death.

Usually its worrying when voices tell you not to trust your friends but Warlock is kind of intense so I won’t tell him if you won’t.

Shouting into the void done, Warlock heads off to Earth. Which is a good segue for the Avengers portion of this Avengers Annual.

It is a dark and stormy night. Iron Man is brooding by the window. Scarlet Witch is trying to get Vision to go talk to him. And Beast has revised his policy on kissing and telling with Cap apparently into it.

Scarlet Witch finally convinces Vision to talk to Iron Man by basically saying they’re the same kind of stubborn stoic jerk who hides their emotions and Vision is like fine geez good logic.

Iron Man doesn’t really have an answer to give though. He just has a foreboding feeling.

Iron Man: “It’s just that ever since I arrived here tonight, I’ve had this unexplainable feeling of danger -- of forces at play about me. I don’t want to be here but I can’t bring myself to leave!”

Captain Marvel: “That’s because you are meant to be here this night, just as we are.”

CAPTAIN MARVEL (not those ones) AND MOONDRAGON!

Coming in through the window. And dripping on the carpet. Because fuck politeness, amirite?

It took all of my willpower to not edit this panel to have Tony say “Iron nipples... rigid! They sense danger!”

Because why would you choose that panel and pose to detail his chest dials?

I wonder how awkward it is for Iron Man and Moondragon to be in the same room. He was kind of an ass to her the majority of the short time she was on the team. And then she sabotaged his new roster by quitting and then convincing Thor and Hellcat to also quit.

Maybe that’s why it seems like they’re glaring at each other. Or perhaps Tony is just mad she’s taller than him.

Anyway, weird feelings are going around because Captain Marvel and Moondragon were also drawn to the mansion with a premonition that their powers would be needed.

This same premonition must have also drawn part-time Avenger Thor here.

‘No, I just wanted to hear stories about Beast’s love life. Now was this hair curling an euphemism or did grooming serve as foreplay in this encounter?’ Thor might have said.

Okay. Maybe I’m curious. Don’t judge me.

Anyway, the Avengers and guests ponder what kind of horror might be approaching that would need such an assemblage to stop.

A few hundred light-years away, a Playstation rendered TIE Fighter shoots a beam at a star and then the star kerplooies.

And a few hundred light-years back, Moondragon feels millions of voices cry out in terror and then were suddenly silenced.

I’m not being flippant. She basically Obi-wans.

Beast is being flippant. Doing card tricks and laughing off the idea of psychic screams and talking winds. This from the guy who was on a team with Professor X and Jean Grey. Won’t be laughing once Jean pulls the same shit on a different star, I tell you that.

He also won’t be laughing right now because Adam Warlock appears out of nowhere just to sass Beast.

I truly believe Adam Warlock’s true superpower is drama. He’s even got his own weird speech bubble quirk.

Anyway, he’s another person for this assemblage. But he also brings word of their common foe: THANOS.

Apparently it was supposed to be sort of a surprise? They haven’t said his name until now but if you’ve read any of the stuff Adam Warlock appeared in you’d recognize that Gamora worked for Thanos and the distinctive shape of Thanos’ ship, which is not actually a poorly rendered TIE Fighter. Its actually much bigger.

If you haven’t read any of the previous Adam Warlock stuff well then sucks to be you. He’s barely introduced here in this Avengers book.

But Thanos? Thanos gets a whole page of recap and introduction. By Adam Warlock. His best frenemy.

What’s weird is that apparently everyone is making faces like ‘yeah we know all this already’ and Warlock sees those faces but just keeps plunging on anyway.

So yeah we get through the stuff where he turned into a giant wireframe head in space and Captain Marvel chopped a Cosmic Cube to bits.

Now apparently Thanos is one of those villains who doesn’t think they could possibly lose but sets up some contingencies just in case. See also: Ultron.

Being ungodded left Thanos floating helplessly in space. And apparently he can breath in space. But then his not TIE-ship retrieved him and he began scheming anew.

But here’s the problem (from Thanos’ perspective): Death abandoned him for his failure. So he decided he needed a grand romantic gesture to win her back. Aka: where most of Thanos’ horrible atrocities start.

And on a scroll from a dead world, he found his answer. And the answer is what his answer always is. Gathering the six shiny things.

Yup.

This is the first time Thanos gathers the Soul Gems. Later to be called Infinity Gems once Thanos in a later story realizes he kind of underestimated them.

Actually the Infinity Gems got a bit of play before they were revealed to be Collect Them All Become God powerful. The Elders once tried to use them to kill Galactus because they were mad he was older than they were.

We get a brief montage of Thanos retrieving all the Gems. Stealing one from the Stranger, liberating another from a prison satellite, finding one in a cave, getting one as an epic drop from killing a monster named Xiambor, and finding one on the Moon because of course there’s one on the Moon.

The final one he was afraid to make a grab for because it was Adam Warlock’s Soul Gem and could steal Souls.

Instead, Thanos pretended to be his friend, worked together with him to defeat Warlock’s evil future self Magus because comics, and secretly siphoned off some energy from Warlock’s forehead bling without Warlock even knowing.

And then he transferred those energies and the energies of the other five Gems into a giant synthetic Gem. A truly, truly outrageous plan.

Truly a better telling of how he collected six things then the full miniseries that preceded Infinity Gauntlet and was just Thanos being smarter, stronger and more handsome than anyone else ever. I heard Thanos was shredded. I heard he had an eight pack. Etc.

When Gamora discovered that he planned on blowing up every star, she tried to backstab him but she was no match alas.

So most of this exposition Warlock learned by eating her soul with his forehead.

Meanwhile, hundreds of light years away, Pip the Troll arrives at Thanos’ Sanctuary ship to pay the “old gang” a visit. Nobody seems to be home so Pip loudly talks to himself, objectifying Gamora and insulting Thanos and basically digging himself into a hole.

I mean, in fairness, Thanos would have killed him either way. Now that he doesn’t need to pretend to be nice to Warlock, there’s no need to be civil to Pip either.

Lets just assume that something bad happens off-screen. Because we are changing scenes again.

So we have Thanos a) doing something crazy as a grand romantic gesture for Death and b) gathering several powerful gems. What’s next on our Thanos bingo game?

Invading Earth with a giant space armada? -checks- Yup.

And its such a giant space armada its twice the size of the giant Skrull armada from the Kree-Skrull War. These imaginary numbers are way bigger than those imaginary numbers!

(How does Thanos keep getting people to sign up with him if he inevitably leads them to their deaths and then laughs at them??)

The Avengers prepare to go fight an entire space armada by themselves again (seriously, start building space defenses, the Earth). And Adam Warlock just skips out without so much as a goodbye.

As the heroes prepare to go into battle we get some good character beats from each of them. And they each kind of lead into each other. Its good stuff.

Moondragon ponders how Thanos always shatters any peace she finds. Later on down the line, he even interrupts a date with her girlfriend. Thanos is the worst. Anyway, he also killed her family and caused her to be adopted by Mentor of Titan so really he’s always been screwing up her life.

Iron Man grapples with fear. He’s going to fight Thanos for a fourth time and wonders if he should have his head examined. Each time he’s fought Thanos he barely survived. And the last time the Avengers fought Thanos, they were only able to thwart his schemes. They didn’t even fight the man. Are the Avengers just heading for an unmarked grave among the stars?

(Maybe I should have saved this for Infinity War, geez)

Captain Marvel ponders how little they truly know about Thanos. And also he hugged Death and still lives. Whats the deal with that?

Thor is just thinking ‘man its about time I get to deck this Thanos fellow in the face.’

Vision wondering if decking Thanos will even win the day. Thanos is in effect a mutant demi-god. Because apparently the Titans of Titan are an evolved offshoot of the gods of Olympus. Which I guess makes Hercules and Thanos related? And also, wuh?

Captain America wishes they had more information about Thanos’ firepower and plans. But also suspects that Warlock knew more than he let on. Which will continue to be Cap’s frustration every time he ever works with Adam Warlock, who tends to use the superheroes of Marvel as disposable pawns in his inscrutable chess games.

Beast wonders who Adam Warlock even is. He was skeptical about this whole thing until he looked in Warlock’s eyes, the eyes of someone who has seen life, death, and infinity.

Scarlet Witch though is thinking that Adam Warlock is totally evil and that he and his Soul Gem could one day prove to be their foe.

And hey. She isn’t even wrong. Because Adam Warlock’s Evil side the Magus tries to take over the universe. And his ostensible Good side? She tries to KILL EVERYONE.

I sometimes think Adam Warlock only ever falls mostly on the side of good because of spite against people that side with evil.

And then the time for pondering ends. GIANT SPACE FLEET.

God. What a spread.

The Avengers really should start evolving their strategies against massive space invasions because the plan is still to send Thor and Iron Man out the airlock to dogfight spaceships individually while the Avengers’ shuttlecraft makes a run for Thanos’s H-shaped flagship.

A massive laser cannon aimed at space would be really helpful right now but some jerk time traveler never lets us have one.

Oh. And this is kind of a suicide mission. In that the Avengers looked at the odds and thought welp we’re boned. And decided to snatch victory from the jaws of numerical disadvantage anyway even in dying.

Wait, where the shit is Wonder Man? He usually has something to say about the Avengers grimly and dutifully marching off to their deaths. Usually of the ‘I wish that were me I me I don’t want to die but I do kind of want to retain dignity while I rush into death anyway.’

Anyway. Thor starts breaking space stuff FOR MIDGARD! FOR ASGARD! FOR LIFE! while Iron Man... has to be more indirect. Since repulsors are laser punches, he uses them to redirect the enemy’s ionic rays back into their allies.

Although if you think about it, hitting a spaceship going as fast as it is with a punch laser would probably punch a hole in the hull. No sense putting an extra step into it.

And technically with no sound in space, this would be more accurate:

Just Thor loudly screaming nothing as aliens asphyxiate.

Anyway.

With exactly two people running distraction (even though Captain Marvel can also fly through space I guess they need to keep some muscle to fight Thanos), the Avengers reach Sanctuary II.

Creating a kind of seal with the bomb bay doors somehow, Captain Marvel blasts a hole in the hull.

Beast: “I imagine a small army of aliens is waiting below to massacre us.”

Captain America: “So what are we waiting for, Avengers? LET’S GO!”

Nice.

Just wading hip deep into an army of alien malcontents. Now that’s cosmic.

If Avengers: Infinity War doesn’t have Vision fist a crocodile man, then the Marvel Cinematic Universe has failed.

Anyway, the Avengers do their Avenger things. Beast acrobats around and makes the wise-cracks.

Vision just stands still and lets someone shoot through him. As I get further and further into this liveblog I realize more and more how much Vision can just passively win battles and realize where Wonder Man got the idea from during his pacifism phase.

Scarlet Witch does a probability hex at a pig/bug/devil alien wearing no pants but wearing boots and a belt and bling to make his gun hand explode.

Moondragon smugly asserts that she needs no help. And she also reaches an armament control panel so she can turn the Sanctuary II’s guns against the rest of the fleet.

Also, there’s a giant cyborg space ape named QU’LAR THE MASSIVE.

He lasts for exactly two panels before Captain Marvel tells him to sit on it and possibly ruptures every one of Qu’lar’s organs.

Related to this, it strikes Captain Marvel that things have been a bit too... easy. It was too easy to get through the Sanctuary II’s hull. Too easy to reach it in the first place. And too easy to beat up Thanos’ forces.

If Thanos wanted to stop them, wouldn’t he be throwing worse at them?

He barges into the ship’s central section expecting the other shoe to drop.

Oh hey. Its empty. Well, except for Adam Warlock and Pip the Troll.

Adam Warlock: “His name was Pip, and he was my friend. Perhaps my only friend. He was joy and light to my darkness and damnation. He was unique among the heavens... and Thanos destroyed his mind and left him for me to find. First Gamora, now Pip. All about me those I love are falling. This cannot be allowed to go on. Nor, by my Gem, shall it!”

And Adam Warlock om nom noms Pip the Troll’s soul.

Alas, Pip. You were. Someone who existed. And who I have no strong feelings about at all. I guess Warlock’s Good side trying to kill everyone makes more sense if Pip was his idea of joy and light.

Anyway, by eating Pip’s soul, Warlock now knows what Thanos is really up to. Because Thanos did the villain thing and monologued his plans before destroying Pip’s brains. And Warlock absorbed that knowledge when he ate his soul.

So why did Thanos brag about his plans and then leave Pip’s husk for Warlock to find and learn from? Shrug. Thanos planting the seeds to his own destruction is ridiculously common even at this point. Its why he becomes a farmer later. He got so much experience with planting.

Anyway, Thanos is in an exact replica of his ship (Sanctuary III?) on the other side of the sun. The flagship and the fleet and all was just a distraction.

Of course, the fleet lured the Avengers out here in the first place. If he had just snuck up on the sun and destroyed it, he might have gotten away with it. More seed planting, perhaps.

But even as Warlock and Marvel approach the apparent real Sanctuary II, it fires its Starkiller at the Sun and starts suncrushing it.

The Sun goes red and purple and begins to flare. Eight minutes later, some astronomers are really going to freak.

But not if Captain Marvel has anything to say about it! He full-speed rams into the ion-laser projector that Thanos’ big synthetic Soul Gem was housed on.

I mean, maybe aim for the big gem next time, Marv?

Because Thanos is like oh darn I guess I’ll just replace the projector and get back to murdering stars?

Then Adam Warlock finally catches up and proclaims that he’s going to kill Thanos.

He gets one punch in before Thanos counterattacks and mortally wounds Warlock.

And since he’s dying anyway, Thanos asks if he’ll rely a message to Death.

Thanos: “Tell her I follow shortly behind you, bringing an offering of undreamed of magnitude... the stars!”

-Warlock plops to the ground, probably not going to deliver that message at all-

Thanos actually seems kind of disappointed on how smoothly this is going. He expected the Champion of Life to be more of a challenge.

THEN THOR AND IRON MAN BURST IN

Because its just one thing after another with heroes.

While Thor and Thanos exchange fisticuffs and... hammercuffs? Iron Man decides to attack the big shiny thing. Because he for one knows you attack the weak point for massive damage.

With the giant synthetic Soul Gem decided, Thanos’ plans and his chance to regain his love’s favor have been thwarted.

He teleports away, vowing that they’ve earned his enmity and will have few remaining minutes of life.

But I’m sure that everything is fine and will continue to be fine forever.

So now what?

Captain Marvel wakes up, probably with a horrible headache, after his face first tour of Thanos’ projector. And he sees Warlock talking to Warlock?

Whaaaaaaaaaat?

Okay, so context. In the Adam Warlock comic, Adam Warlock traveled into the future to absorb his own soul to keep his future self from becoming his evil future self the Magus.

In-universe, this only happened months ago. And also right now.

But the months have felt like an eternity to Adam Warlock as everything he has ever loved or accomplished has fallen to ruin or died. His whole life has been a failure and he welcomes its end.

So Adam Warlock om nom noms his own soul.

And goes back to his present to live out the events that will lead him to getting his soul eaten by himself.

All the while having the soul of Adam Warlock inside and outside the soul gem.

COSMIC!

Having watched this all, Captain Marvel is mostly confused. As is anyone else who didn’t read the Adam Warlock series.

Even with Thanos’ plan to kersplode the sun thwarted, his forces still prove a threat so Thor, Marvel, and Iron Man decide to head back over to the fake Sanctuary II to help the other Avengers.

What to do with Adam Warlock’s body? Eh. Leave it. He’s at peace now. And he’ll peacefully rot in space. Probably like he always dreamed.

Or maybe give him a proper burial?

Throughout Marvel’s conversation with the two Avengers, a green-hued Warlock has been coming to terms with life after death.

Being absorbed into the Soul Gem means being reunited with everyone it has eaten. Gamora. Pip. Some other people probably from Adam Warlock’s own mag. And the realm within the Soul Gem is a land of peace where all can live as one and share a collective memory and heart.

A land where hearts are an open book, where understanding is bred, and the ego is muted. In the Soul Gem there can only be love.

Not bad for a piece of jewelry normally portrayed as evil and voracious.

So a happy ending for Adam Warlock. And a happy ending for the Sun. And a happy ending for the Avengers who decided that they’re not doing any corpse disposal. Happy ending for everyone except Thanos whose grand romantic gesture was thwarted and the idiots he always manages to inspire to follow him who are getting their teeth punched in by the Avengers.

BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE

December, 1977

I’m not ashamed to say that one of my favorite comic book tropes is when someone hits someone with someone. But only if they’re using said person as a bludgeon. Throwing the person is the coward’s way out.

So last time: Just scroll up. Thanos was going to blow up the Sun but Iron Man blew up his bling and Adam Warlock achieved his fondest desire and died.

This time: Peter Parker’s plot senses are tingling.

He senses... that a crossover needs him.

His plot sense also recap the events of the Avengers Annual issue and-

is that an upside down cyclops? What the heck!

Uh, anyway. Yeah. Just a recap of the Avengers Annual. Which is mighty obliging. A less scrupulous writer would have dropped a brief text recap and made you buy the issue to find out what happened.

Anyway, Peter’s dream goes beyond just the events of Avengers Annual #7. He starts dreaming of THINGS NOT ON PANEL. Except now they’re on panel because he’s dreaming of them.

Also, I lied. Its not Peter’s plot sense that's tingling. Moondragon just beamed a recap into his dreams.

After Avengers Annual #7, Thanos teleported back over to the other Sanctuary II where the Avengers were still fighting his diverse crowd of alien jerks (why do villains always believe in diversity more than the heroes do?).

With some actual leadership, they go from being an ineffectual mob mostly existing to make the Avengers look cool to a fighting machine.

In five panels, the fight turns against the Avengers and they all lie defeated.

Well, except for the away team of Captain Marvel, Thor, and Iron Man.

They take an additional page to defeat.

Thanos goes right from organizing his mob in their defeat of the Avengers to an armament control console with no time for gloating in between (which you know is very hard for Thanos) and blasts Thor, Captain Marvel, and Iron Man while they’re flying back towards the fake Sanctuary II.

I was going to joke that its because this isn’t an Avengers book that the Avengers can be totally stomped in two pages. But that’s just their life, isn’t it? Even in their own book they aren’t free of getting taken out humiliatingly easy, are they?

Thanos then had all the unconscious heroes put in stasis beams. Y’know that thing where the heroes are all lined up in a row but unable to move but there aren’t any obvious restraints? Well this time it works by keeping the heroes a micro-second out of sync with reality.

Without the giant synthetic Soul Gem, Thanos can’t blow up every star. But with the Soul Gem on the dead deceased corpse of Adam Warlock, maybe he can still blow up a star. And conveniently, he happens to be near a pretty one called Sol.

Maybe just blowing up the one star in Marvel that matters will be enough to appease death.

And then Peter wakes up, the recap portion of this recap over.

He only wonders why Moondragon chose him to send this message to. He’s a friendly neighborhood Spider-Man not a powerhouse or cosmic dude.

And we cut to Master Order and Lord Chaos basically being to blame. Their game against Death goes poorly and they’re forced to put their reserves in play.

I.e. Spider-Man and Ben Grimm, the Thing.

Because Spider-Man realizes ‘hey wait I can’t webswing into space, I need to borrow a spaceship’

And he knows just who to borrow one from.

Cue a funny moment where Spider-Man startles the Thing while he’s engrossed in reading Salem’s Lot causing him to accidentally inhale his cigar.

Oh what shenanigans you get up to, Peter.

But he gets the Thing to stop complaining about Spider-Man disrespecting the security system by shouting at him to STFU. Ben realizes that maybe Spider-Man has troubles.

So he pours Peter some coffee and listens to his story. And immediately asks what Peter has been smoking. Old tennis shoes maybe?

Which is. Ben knows that real drugs exist, right?

But since Peter is serious about it Ben figures what the heck. There’s an experimental spaceship he was supposed to test-pilot when he got the chance and now’s as good a time as any.

Spider-Peter doesn’t really have... exact directions but the spaceship’s tracking systems will track down Thanos’ ship if its up there.

Spider-Man: “If? Still have your doubts, then?”

The Thing: “About your story? Perish forbid such a thought. How could anyone doubt the word of a man in blue and red leotards who crawls on walls?”

Police, I’d like to report a murder.

But despite Ben’s skepticism, they find Thanos’ giant H on the very next page.

The Thing: “Appears like I was wrong about you this time, Spidey. My apologies.”

Spider-Man: “What do you mean ‘this time’?”

The Fantastispacecraft gets caught in a tractor beam and dragged inside the giant H (for Hate?). Ben kicks the door of his spaceship out so he can immediately go out and start punching some space goons.

Thus making the ship nonviable for a return trip. Good thinking, Ben!

Spider-Man joins in the goon punching, although he admits that monster bashing isn’t his usual comfort zone. But if he fights the small fries which basically look like weird people then he should be good.

He’ll let the Thing fight the giant space serpent.

AND USE THE SPACE SNAKE TO HIT PEOPLE WITH. That’s what I’m talking about, Ben!

Meanwhile, Thanos watches this on a monitor. He must be wondering how many heroes he aggroed today. They just keep showing up.

So he has the gravity turned off in the chamber Spider-Man and Thing are in. That’ll show them.

And Thanos’ men, who I guess trained for just this sort of contingency, waste no time blasting Spider-Man and the Thing while they’re discombobulated.

Its a bit of a shame. I wanted to see if Spider-Man would try to use his webs. A much later comic than this made the point that without gravity, Spider-Man’s webbing would splurt out instead of thwip out in nice lines. I wanted to see if that would be used here, decades before the first time I saw it.

Meanwhile, Master Order and Lord Chaos continue to commentate on the crossover. Another round goes to Death with Spider-Man and the Thing temporarily out of play. Still, they both expected this.

Summoning Spider-Man and the Thing was a ploy to get Adam Warlock back on the field from the emerald hill zone.

Meanwhile, in the land of emerald skies (they look purple actually) and green hills, Adam Warlock exposits about recent events.

Yup. He sure died. And now he lives in the Soul Gem, a paradisaical world where he can forget about his worries and his strife. All within the Soul Gem are one and live in harmony for harming another would be harming oneself. Yup, afterlife in the Soul Gem is good and will remain good forever.

Elsewhere and while, Spider-Man and the Thing wake up at the foot of the hero display case and/or stasis beam.

Thanos didn’t get the chance to gloat earlier so he’s seizing the opportunity now.

His henchaliens are preparing stasis beams for Thing and Spider-Man but in the meanwhile, look at how awesome Thanos is. He collected the Avengers better than the Collector ever did. Suck it, old man.

Spider-Man decides to hear Thanos out, hoping that encouraging Thanos to ramble will give them time to plan. And Thanos knows he’s being played but what the hell, he loves to hear himself talk.

So he explains to the heroes that he’s having another stellar projector prepared which will use the Soul Gem’s power to cause the Sun to go nova (but not that one. Or that one. Marvel has a lot of Novas).

And then he explains that he’s doing this as a grand romantic gesture for Death. Recaps how he fell out of her favor by fucking up his plan to become god with the cosmic cube. But anyway, yeah, thats why the Sun and countless lives on Earth must die. So Death will be really impressed with him.

Ben Grimm doesn’t find that a good motivation so he punches Thanos in the dick.

Thanos just no-sells it and purple energy blasts the Thing unconscious.

Annnnnd Spider-Man realizes he’s out of his league so when Thanos asks him if he wants a turn, he just webswings away.

Thanos: “WHAT?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”

Spider-Man: “Leaving! This is the Avengers’ hassle.”

For some reason, Thanos takes exception to this and orders his alien mooks to bring back Spider-Man’s head.

Except now what? He doesn’t know how to fly spaceships so he can’t just steal the Thing’s ride (also its no longer air tight). He can’t stay here, he’ll just get killed. But he can’t go back to Earth because if Thanos blows up the Sun, Earth will get a whole lot less hospitable.

So if he’s dead either way, he might as well stay. And if he’s staying, he might as well do something. But he can’t fight Thanos directly. He’d sweep the floor with Spider-Man and probably any hero Spidey knows.

Except.... maybe Thor?

Okay, good plan. Good plan. Free Thor. Save the world. Have everything be good forever. Spidey is glad he talked himself out of that blind panic spiral.

Meanwhile, another Master Order and Lord Chaos intermission. They sure are glad that Spider-Man didn’t let his self-preservation overrule his strong heart.

So Spider-Man loops back around to where Thanos showed him his Avengers collection. And darn, Thanos is still there. And also he changed his mind. He’s not adding Spider-Man to his collection now. So there.

Spider-Man decides the thing to do is smash the stasis beam projector WITH HIS BODY.

So the Avengers wake up and immediately charge Thanos. While Spider-Man limply hangs half out of the machinery. Oh, and the Thing woke up by this point too.

That’s some quality Assembling! Good job, Spider-Man. Probably fracturing half of your bones was worth it.

Thanos summons his army of mooks and we get down to a real rumble.

Weird that apparently Adam Warlock will be needed to resolve this scenario. Thing and Thor seem to be thumping Thanos pretty effectively while the rest of the heroes keep the small fry off their backs.

And the other heroes are playing it very strategically. Captain Marvel is keeping an eye on the overall crowd composition so that one of the heroes can go and bust up any attempt to build up or consolidate a position.

Yeah, I’d say this is in the bag.

But just as Thor and Thing are still kicking Thanos’ ass and looking good doing it, Thanos eye beams Thing unconscious and puts Thor on the ropes.

Dangit.

Spider-Man regains consciousness, still stuck hip deep in some defunct machinery and realizes that he must Do Something. In fact, he feels as if everything depends on the decision he makes next.

In happy paradise green land, Adam Warlock is struck with a terrible migraine and realizes that the plot needs him for one last hurrah.

Spider-Man’s spider-sense spider-leads him to notice Adam Warlock’s Soul Gem, encased in a glass globe.

So obviously he should break that, right?

Yeah.

And with the Soul Gem freed from containment, Adam Warlock manifests as a naked fire man and proclaims himself the Ultimate Avenger.

(Was Adam Warlock ever in the Ultimate Universe? I can only think if he was, his re-imagining would have been endlessly disappointing.)

And Ultimate Avenger Adam Warlock (with kung fu action grip) could not rest while Thanos remains a threat to the universe.

And Ultimate Avenger Adam Warlock is so very, very tired and wants to rest. So Thanos will have to go.

So Ultimate Avenger Adam Warlock takes Thanos for granite because that’s just something Ultimate Avenger Adam Warlock can do.

Fuck you, I don’t have to explain anything. Its cosmic.

Which leaves just the cleanup.

Thanos’ army immediately surrenders.

Which is a good decision for them because they’re probably going to get released with no punishment aside from the hits they’ve already taken.

Spidey objects but Captain Marvel asks what he would suggest doing with them? Put them in Earth jail? That’s ridiculous, Spider-Man. You ludicrous radioactive Spider-Man.

I guess.......... space jail isn’t an option for some reason? They’re kind of accessories to the destruction of a star and conspiracy to commit another star murder.

When Jean Grey and/or the Phoenix did that it was a whole to-do but I guess its just okay this time because it didn’t personally inconvenience the Shi’ar?

Maybe Captain Marvel is just lazy and doesn’t want to do the considerable amount of paperwork it would take to arrest an army.

No Sam Vimes this Mar-Vell.

Perhaps realizing they were dicks before, the Avengers decide to actually have a funeral for Adam Warlock. They bury him on some random space rock.

And they leave his Soul Gem right on his grave for anyone to steal. WHICH HAPPENS AND CAUSES INFINITY GAUNTLET.

Geez, the Avengers. Geez.

Also according to his tombstone, Adam Warlock was only ten years old. He was a melancholic child.

Later, aboard the fake Sanctuary II which was apparently Sanctuary III all along and maybe you could have mentioned that earlier and prevented a lot of name confusion for me, personally.

Spider-Man mourns the loss of Adam Warlock. He didn’t know him that well but the universe feels much emptier without him.

And the Thing suggests they check to see if Sanctuary III had a coffee pot anywhere. SPACE COFFEE (do not drink in space).

And within the Soul Gem, Adam Warlock resigns himself to living in paradise free of any strife, problems or pain. Or darn. Well he’ll manage.

And the Thanos statue cries because Death doesn’t love him. And also petrification is often portrayed as a living death so he doesn’t even get to be with his crush.

Phew.

Two annuals back to back was a bad idea. And almost nobody is even going to read this today because I have almost nobody that even reads these on a non-holiday day and today is Christmas so people are probably going to be with families and singing to the Christmas raptor.

Well. Here it is anyway. The last stand of Adam Warlock.

And that’s the major thing to bring up.

This is Avengers Annual and Marvel Two-in-One Annual. A book about the Avengers and a book about the Thing and his amazing friends. But the story that spans these two issues is about Adam Warlock. The others are just along for the ride.

The giant cosmic space heads even say as much. Spider-Man is only here to get the real star of the show on stage. The Thing is only here because this is his team-up book (and because Spidey needs transportation).

Its kind of a tendency of Adam Warlock to make any story about him. Both in and out of universe. He’s kind of self-absorbed.

Whether you like these stories probably comes down to whether you like Adam Warlock. Because on this day the Avengers, Spider-Man, and the Thing took the backseat to the space messiah who hated to wear pants.

Other than that? Pretty good.

A good Thanos plan. An intentional downgrade from his plan to become god in terms of ambition. But possibly even worse because he planned to blow up every star just to get Death sempai-dono to notice him.

This is the end for Thanos for a while. He’s still a stone statue during the Death of Captain Marvel in 1982. Thanos doesn’t stop being stoned until 1990.

People that didn’t read Adam Warlock’s book probably don’t really get why Thanos was most scared of this golden brooder but I think turning into a naked fire man and turning Thanos to stone is context enough.

So happy and merry whatever. Next time I get back to the main book but we’re still going to have the Avengers storming a giant thing in space.

During this time in their lives, the Avengers just storm giant space things more often than typical.

#Avengers #Thanos #Iron Man #the Vision #Scarlet Witch #Thor #Captain America #Beast #Adam Warlock #Captain Marvel #Moondragon #the Thing #Spider Man #Marvel Two in One #Essential Avengers #Essential marvel liveblogging #I've already said plenty words #happy this time of the year

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hegagergerk · 7 years

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My reactions to The Last Jedi

I have mixed feelings about The Last Jedi. There are some aspects of it that I loved, but there was a lot that I really didn’t like. I’ve seen it twice, and each time I left the theater thinking, “Well. Huh. I don’t know what I feel.” I felt this uncertain about The Force Awakens, for comparison, but I left Rogue One knowing I liked it.

I also want it known that I am a fan of Rian Johnson and his work. I LOVE Brick, and Looper was pretty great. So I was pretty excited going into this film.

Perhaps, if this had been the first in a trilogy, I might be able to overlook the parts that I don’t like, as I did in The Force Awakens. But this is the second part - the meat of the story. And honestly, the whole thing felt gamey.

SPOILERS (and unpopular opinions) under the cut.

Pros:

It’s a beautifully shot, visually striking film.

Adam Driver shirtless

Adam Driver, period. Love that boy

I love what they’ve done with Luke (the grumpy old hermit schtick), and I loved what little time we spent on Ach-To. The location was beautiful, I loved the Caretakers and the Porgs, and I loved Luke’s take on the Force and the Jedi.

Rey Random is the best answer to her backstory and the explanation I was hoping for. I loved the mirror cave sequence. It’s an even better touch that not only were they random people, but they were awful and neglectful. Ouch. Didn’t think they’d go that far.

I love that Rey and Kylo want to fuck each other. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I’m okay with Luke trying to murder Ben and then regretting it, even though I understand why many people are not. I actually really like the exploration of Luke’s character, and the digging into his personality flaws and weaknesses - namely, that he was prideful of his own legacy, which gave him several blind spots with regards to his nephew, and led to his biggest failure as a Jedi. It’s true - it is, initially, out of character, but I think this lapse in judgment was more horrifying to Luke himself for that very reason, and resolves for me, at least, why he would isolate himself like he does.

I liked Luke’s death. I liked that it’s hinted that he was ready to go, anyway, and he got to go out heroically in the end.

I LOVED Luke and Leia’s reunion. Oh my god. The tears. I just. Can’t get over it. Especially knowing that Carrie Fisher wrote that scene? Fuck me

Cons:

It feels like 3 different films crammed together into 2 ½ hours. One of these films, I very much wanted to watch, but was never given enough of (Rey’s story). Another of these films, I wanted to want to watch, but found myself losing interest as time wore on (Finn’s story). The remaining one - I could have done without entirely, and I ended up resenting completely by the film’s finish (Poe’s story).

Some of the humor worked, but a lot of it really didn’t - especially the gag about zapping dudes into walls at dramatic/semi-dramatic moments (Hux, Poe, and Finn). Granted, humor is pretty subjective, but for comparison, I either loved or had no issue with the humor in both The Force Awakens and Rogue One.

The preachy bits were REALLY. FUCKING. PREACHY. Like, dude, I agree with the points you’re making, but wow, I’d appreciate if you didn’t insult my intelligence by being so god damned ON THE NOSE about it. I thought this movie was about ~ambiguity~ And yes, I’m talking about the “don’t abuse animals”, “it’s a WAR MACHINE”, and “men don’t respect feminine women” thing. I felt like these moments were 4th-wall-breaking and did nothing to serve the story or the characters, not to mention being out of place in a Star Wars film (Star Wars is cheesy, but not THAT kind of cheesy).

Rey’s part of the story ends about 2/3 of the way in. After her battle with Kylo, she pretty much disappears from the narrative, only making a quick cameo at the end of the film. Seriously. The movie pretty much belongs to the male characters after she confronts Snoke.

Rey never truly suffers any lasting consequences for her choices, whether emotionally or physically. Compare this to Luke’s defeat by Vader in Empire, which leaves him physically maimed and emotionally broken and betrayed. Rey is sad when she admits the truth of her parentage, yeah, and she’s not happy when Kylo usurps the First Order command, but even if this betrayal devastates her, we don’t get to see her break down under these revelations. It might be hard for Rey to acknowledge her shitty parents, but does verbalizing this hinder Rey in any way? Does it introduce an obstacle that seems impossible to overcome? Is it truly her lowest point? Ask the same questions of Kylo becoming the Supreme Leader, with regard to Rey’s feelings. Is this betrayal on the level of Anakin to Padme? Hell, even on the level of Obi Wan to Luke? Rey wrestles with Kylo over the lightsaber, nopes the fuck out, and then magically appears on the Falcon, hollering jovially about how swashbuckling and fun it is to be gunning down the First Order. In other words, she feels like she’s had an easy time of it. We really needed a scene where she shows some emotional wounds - whether when Kylo is passed out and she’s about to leave him, perhaps looking down at him with longing and sorrow, deliberating on why she should, but can’t, kill him - or whether at the end, sharing pain with Leia. But it’s like her failures don’t touch her or her story.

I’m a huge Reylo stan, but I’ve got to be honest - Kylo and Rey’s dynamic, while easily the most intriguing thing about the movie, ended up being severely underwhelming. Four conversations, and then she’s ready to go-to-bat for him? When they were touching hands in the hut, I literally was like, “Wait. Is that it? Did I blink and miss something?” They chopped Reylo down to the barest minimum of relationship progression, leaving out a lot of story-telling beats that would have bridged the gap between their antagonism and their intimacy. I felt cheated out of their story, and I really wanted to be on board with them, considering their shared loneliness and character comparison/contrast was something I was extremely excited about going into this film. I’ve read one-shot fanfics with more elegant development than this film.

I’m NOT a Snoke stan, nor was I terribly interested in his backstory or in coming up with random ass theories involving his backstory, but damn. Snoke’s abrupt dismissal from the narrative, despite being an awesome scene in isolation, feels cheap retroactively, and I can empathize with the fans who feel let down about his meaningless identity (especially when they were taunted by LF for giving enough of a shit to come up with theories about said character). The truth is that, since the sequel trilogy takes place within an established universe - and Star Wars, at that - we, the audience ARE owed a bare minimum amount of explanation for Snoke’s existence, his power, and his goals. Where was he 30 years ago, when Palpatine was in power? If you can’t at least give me something, my suspension of disbelief is shattered. And no, it’s not my fucking job, as a member of the audience, to fill in the blanks with regards to basic storytelling. At this point, why the hell couldn’t Snoke have been Darth Plageius? Or Palpatine reborn? Or whoever the fuck. If any further context had been given to him, it could only have added some meat to the story - its not like this information would have detracted from Kylo’s killing of him (if anything, it would have made that moment even more awesome). I mean, you had to hold my hand about “evil arms dealers” and “animal rights” and “she wasn’t interested in LOOKING like a hero”, but you can’t give me some damn context for Snoke? And no, I don’t give a fuck that Palpatine had no backstory in the original movies - right, we knew everything we needed to know about him, which was that he was a super powerful Force-wielder who took control of the galaxy. I wasn’t wondering, “Hmm, I wonder where that other super evil bad guy was 30 years ago while he was coming to power!” about Palpatine, because there was no frame of reference for that - and now, with the prequel trilogy, there’s definitely no need. But hey, for Snoke? Yes. Yes, that sort of information is relevant here. Even your most basic bitch casual fan left The Force Awakens wondering, “I wonder what that Snoke guy, who is most certainly older than 30 years of age, was doing three decades ago?”

Finn’s whole story was underwhelming, as much as I liked both he and Rose together. Nothing of consequence came of their story, whether by plot movement or emotional revelations - save that he decided, somewhat sloppily, to die for the Resistance (because he didn’t want to be an apathetic asshole like DJ, or whatever), only to have his choice undermined at the last minute. Nothing about his arc resonated with me. Perhaps because there just wasn’t enough time devoted to him? As much as I hate the whole “Finn is always sidelined uwuwuwu” discourse, I have to agree with them here. Furthermore, I feel like his prior-stormtrooper-ness is totally irrelevant to the portrayal of his character? It was bad enough in The Force Awakens that he didn’t seem affected by having to kill his fellow stormtroopers, and it has continued to be irrelevant in The Last Jedi. I was really hoping for some sort of moment where he and Rose connected over the deaths of Paige and his stormtrooper brethren, people killed while fighting in militaries, whether by choice or by force. This personal soul searching would have been much more poignant than the preachy babble (none with which I disagree, let it be noted) we got. I mean, the revelation that the Resistance and the First Order both get supplied from the same people who vacation on Canto Bight doesn’t really add anything - stakes, revelation, dimension - to the actual story. Like, do I suddenly not care about the Resistance getting blown out of the sky? Should I actually root for the First Order to wipe them out, so that the war will stop? Does this information seriously tempt Finn away from the whole stupid conflict? Does it change ANYTHING for ANYONE? (Hint: It doesn’t).

I absolutely hate that Poe is being groomed to be Leia’s ��good” son. Like, if I could kill something with fire in this movie, it would be this. I absolutely hate that Leia didn’t even spare her son and her brother a backwards glance at the end of the film, when they set off to flee through the caves. Perhaps this wouldn’t sting so much if Carrie were still alive and there was a chance of filming a reunion and reconciliation between mother and son, but that is not to be.

I hate that Poe, who is NOT a main character, who was a perfectly killable side character in the previous movie, actually has the most dynamic arc in the whole film. Somehow, in a film that is supposed to be about a young woman, and in the midst of several intriguing female characters both old and new, it’s the most boring male character who gets the most agency and screentime. (I love that people were worried that Kylo would usurp Rey, but honesty…it was Poe).

Poe also has a higher kill count than Kylo Ren in terms of people who died because he was a Stupid Male, and yet Kylo Ren is the villain whose redemption is merely teased, as opposed to set into action? I mean, Poe was better at wiping out the whole resistance than the actual Supreme Leader, but nobody thinks he needs a redemption arc? oh, I guess he Learned From His Failures, so its all good.

Anytime someone said “spark”, I died a little inside.

“Hope is like the sun” - kill me now please

Leia spacewalking is an idea that I like on paper, but thought it was awkward in how it played out on screen.

Wow, so, Finn and Rey - two characters I was dying to have reunite - have NO actual dialogue exchanges. But we have enough time for Poe to say Hi to Rey but like Poe is the main character now don’t you know Like, what the fuck.

Okay, venting done.

#tlj spoilers #fandom wank #unpopular opinions #the last jedi #reylo #supreme leader snoke #snoke theory #my garbage #tlj wank #tlj reactions

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erma-w · 7 years

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TLJ: I liked it.

<ducks>

Sure, there were issues and plot holes and bad science and things that seemed unnecessary. The same can be said for all the other movies, too, including the originals. And maybe my take will change after I think on the movie awhile and read some more. But for now, I liked it.

I do NOT agree with or like the direction TFA took the franchise in. I think the move towards a "nitty gritty"/"human drama"/"good and bad are too simple" direction at the expense of our OT heroes was the wrong direction to take, and I will always lament the lost opportunities for our heroes to reunite and fight the good fight, and will long for what could have been. But this is the direction the franchise took. So, keeping my OT DVDs tucked safely in the cabinet, and knowing the spirit of the OT will be protected and held close and dear by so many, I approached TLJ like reading fan fiction: even if I cannot accept a particular story as headcanon, I might appreciate it for other reasons. Go along for the ride and take it for what it is. So here's my take on TLJ. Just some of the things that worked for me, what I liked. Definitely spoilers ahead...:

Hux is a moron, right from the start: I. Liked. This. A. Lot. Just as Hux's pompousness in the opening scenes had me ready to tune out from another horrible ST movie, the film turned self-aware and started belittling that pompousness. Want to be all fascist and evil and scary with your long speeches? Nope. My breath actually paused as my hope for the film was renewed.

(nitty-gritty-human-drama-heroes-are-flawed) Luke: I thought he was handled well, and that Mark acted him well.

Luke almost killing Ben at the temple: This didn't bother me. It's not the first time Luke's instinct to kill someone took over momentarily (e.g. stopping Vader from turning his sister). I suppose if I was a Jedi Master and had suddenly glimpsed the true depths of a horribleness that I had only suspected, I might have a very human gut reaction like that too. But Luke WAS true to character: he DID stop himself from acting on it. But too late; Ben had already seen the ignited lightsaber. Bad timing. Very, very bad.

Luke being a curmudgeon when Rey arrives: it dragged on, but I thought it worked. Frankly, this whole segment is reminiscent of Yoda's testing of HIM when he first sought out training. Pretty sure this supports a classic--if I dare say it, given the direction these movies took away from such things--mythological thing: the teacher testing the student before accepting the student. If you really want to train, can you handle getting dirty? Because it ain't always going to be pretty.

“Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi..." Yeah, Luke was right. It was cheap trick. In a meta way, too, given that the filmmakers also used the original trilogy to lure us into this new adventure. It was a cheap moment... but it worked.

Rey, looking straight into darkness: I liked this a lot. Being willing to look straight into darkness and learn from it is completely different from standing in darkness and acting from that place. To fight any demons, internal or external, you have to understand them. And like any problem, avoiding demons (or problems) won't make them go away. (Give me a moment while I remind myself of the ineffectiveness of avoidance... hang on... ok.) Look into the darkness, understand it... Then know better how to deal with it.

Yoda: I liked this scene a lot. Luke and Yoda's banter, Yoda's sense of humor and his messing with Luke, the reappearance of a young and earnest farmboy... and finally, just two old guys sitting there, together, saying goodbye to their past, knowing their time had come and gone, and taking it with a measure of acceptance...

Leia...Oh, Leia. She was wonderful. The moment towards the beginning, in hyperspace, when she was drinking her tea (or whatever it was) on the ship, alone, in thought and remembrance... Her refusal to give up, even when sucked out into the vacuum of space (ok, this was a bit much for me, but whatever, going with it)... Returning to the bridge all in white, and again taking charge of her own rescue... Taking up a blaster on Crait as Finn and Rose returned... That she and Luke were finally reunited, even if it was a weird Force reunion... Their scene together, the weariness in both of them, the eyes that have seen too much yet are still full of love... Watching her smile as Poe took charge and led the group to safety... I never wanted to stop watching Princess Leia. But if this had to be her last outing, it was a good one.

Speaking of Leia’s tea... PEOPLE! This was FUNNY! Did you notice how many shots there were of drinks in cups, shaking from the vibrations of heavy action nearby? SERIOUSLY! A shaking cup of tea... and Laura Dern in the movie... :D

Luke didn’t kill Kylo. I repeat: LUKE DID NOT KILL KYLO. Luke knew Vader wouldn’t destroy him, so was willing to face Vader again in person. Not so with Kylo. Luke knew the only way for him to stop Kylo would be to kill him. Luke didn’t shy away from facing Kylo; LUKE REFRAINED FROM KILLING KYLO. How much more Luke can Luke get? He might as well have said “I can’t do it... I can’t kill my own nephew...”

Luke, didn’t let Kylo kill him. Again, I repeat: LUKE DID NOT LET KYLO KILL HIM. Maybe I'm reading too much into this aspect of it, but in the spirit of nitty gritty and getting complicated, this point seems vitally important to me. Luke had his xwing. If he could do all those other things with the Force, surely he could have retrieved his xwing and gone to Crait in person. But he didn't. And by NOT going in person, not only was Luke able to stall longer and avoid killing Kylo, he was also able to keep Ben from killing him in anger--the very thing he warned Ben about while dueling him. Luke couldn't save Ben, but he could keep Ben from taking yet another action further down the dark path.

Luke, at his end: looking out to the sun... to those twin suns... Simply, poignantly beautiful. Oh, what an adventure he had... what an adventure...

“How do we rebuild? We have everything we need.” A wonderful, important message. What’s needed to keep resisting is those with the experience--and heartache--to keep the fight going... as well as the stories about those fighters, stories to inspire others to look out, to the stars, and believe that they, too, might be able to save the princess and defeat the bad guy...

Yeah. I liked it.

#star wars #tlj #tlj spoilers

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film-clown · 4 years

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Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker

So this is about... 3 months late? I usually post reviews a couple weeks following the film’s release, but the last few months have been nothing short of awful. Maybe this quarantine has a good side - I can finally finish writing this! As I write this at the end of March 2020, I have literally 90% of this review finished. I don’t know what held me back.

But here we go. My thoughts, discussions, and a generally unbiased review of Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker. Major spoilers ahead, obviously.

Many people continue to emphasise the fact that the Star Wars films that have been released under Disney are all horrible. Although I do agree to an extent, The Last Jedi did end up being one of my favourite Star Wars films, and the trilogy wasn’t all that bad. But, Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker surpassed my predictions in so many ways. It was hilarious, emotional, shocking, disappointing, and aggravating to the point where everything left me crying anyway. So what am I gonna do to cope? Write about it.

Straight off the bat, the most important point I will continue to emphasise for all my time - Finnpoe should’ve been canon. I will ALWAYS stand by this statement and there were numerous scenes that prove my point. They have such an incredibly tight bond and it continued to grow tighter throughout this film. Always having each other’s back no matter what, with such a deep-rooted connection. I wish they had kissed after the hug in the reunion at the end - it was perfect. I would also like to send out a special thank you to Mr. Oscar Isaac for genuinely speaking out about the injustice done towards finnpoe and overall LGBTQ+ representation. He was so incredibly vocal about how scared Disney is to have this happen, and how amazing and impactful it would have been if they were canon. John Boyega said a lot about finnpoe too during press, which made me incredibly happy to see such support from the actors. Not a lot of actors speak out against poor decisions made in their movies, which is why there’s almost no change for the good.

On the topic of ships that were done injustice, let’s talk about Reylo, shall we?

The topic of Rey and Ben as a couple is extremely controversial. Another reason it took a while for me to finish this review is because I’ve done a LOT of research for evidence from both sides of the argument. Due to the incest factor, I’ve looked into if Palpatine is 100% Anakin’s father, but everything I’ve found has been contradicted with another point, or just speculation. But it’s a very important topic, so I’m going to discuss it in a non-biased manner, and as if the incest of it all has not been confirmed or denied. Please do feel free to send over any sources, I’m always open to look at it and discuss! Because whether or not their bond is considered romantic, it’s intimate and has a deep meaning to it.

Okay, that being said: they deserved better. Ben did not deserve to die the moment he finally felt loved and finally made a decision that was his own. All his life he’s been nothing but tormented by Palpatine, been told what to do and always had such awful inner conflict. Rey saw that conflict, she chose to try her best to help through everything. You cannot excuse the fact that what Ben has done in his life has been awful, but what we can do is understand that the voice that’s been telling him to do all this hasn’t been himself. He took control, he fought (WITH A BLUE LIGHTSABER, HOLY SH*T) side by side with Rey. The moment they finally got to hold each other out of war, he smiled for the first time; and then he died. The whole point of this was to see him redeem himself, and although he did, death should not always equal redemption! His story was supposed to be different, he was supposed to live. They were supposed to have a happy ending. And after reading several conspiracies, I’m fully convinced that he was supposed to live. Ben Solo DESERVED to live and it is beyond me that they chose to end one of, if not the most important film saga in cinematic history by letting him die in the hands of his LITERAL soulmate. It’s painful, and traumatising for people to watch.

Not only was his death painful, it just didn’t make any sense! The whole point of this trilogy was that Rey and Ben were a dyad in the force, and it was shown through certain scenes from The Last Jedi, and verbally mentioned by both Ben and Palpatine.

“A dyad in the force. A power like life itself.” (Palpatine)

“We’re a dyad in the force; two that are one.” (Kylo Ren)

So why the hell did Ben die? They built up this bond and portrayed it for 3 fucking movies just to have Rey defeat Palpatine herself? This bond was supposed to bring balance to the force. Rey and Ben are literally two force-sensitive beings, who share the power of one, which is BY FAR the most complex and influential relationship between 2 individuals that could possibly exist in the galaxy and you’re telling me that they touched on this topic for 5 minutes at the end of the entire trilogy and then threw it all away by killing off Ben? Seriously?

They had the capability to defeat Palpatine TOGETHER, and that would have been one of the most acclaimed scenes in Star Wars history. The symbolism of a Jedi and the Supreme Leader of the First Order fighting side-by-side would’ve been the most ideal representation of balance in the force.

I’ve also heard several contradictions towards Reylo and how it’s an abusive pairing? As an abuse victim, I believe that these two were at war as the Resistance and the First Order. Did you expect them to hold hands in TFA and TLJ? Hopefully not. All the hurtful things they did were just out of spite towards each other, if anything. And I think this is where I’ll go on and disagree with the Reylo kiss. It just didn’t make sense! There was tension throughout the film and just because he became Ben Solo again, they’re suddenly in love? I don’t know, if they wanted the kiss to make sense, Kylo Ren should have become Ben Solo in TLJ, so TROS could have worked on their positive relationship. The kiss was purely fan service, and it clearly did not please people anyway.

Moving on, the idea of Palpatine returning is absolutely beyond me. What was the point of the celebration at the end of Return of the Jedi? What was the point of the entire last two trilogies if they were just going to bring him back for shock effect? What I can say though is that the shock effect did work, and that the climax of the film was BRILLIANT. I’m sorry, but the scene where his force lightning makes contact with all the resistance ships, the scene when Rey fights his lightning with two lightsabers (Ben should’ve been there, but anyway...), it was visually stunning and deserves only a bit of praise.

But Rey being a Palpatine is the most RIDICULOUS plot twist in Star Wars history. Not only was it a terrible attempt at shocking the crowd in a “No [Luke], I am your father” way, the whole point of Rey’s arc was that she is from nowhere. SHE IS SUPPOSED TO BE REY FROM NOWHERE. And now she’s Rey Palpatine. Force powers don’t have to be hereditary. Like she did the same mind-controlling thing that Obi-Wan did at one point so why couldn’t she have been a Kenobi? They showed her letting out force lightening so they could justify her bloodline, and I think this is one of the most severe flaws of the film.

The sidelining of Rose was so disappointing to me. Not only of Rose, Finn too. JJ Abrams literally confirmed that we were going to get Finn’s backstory and we never ended up getting it. All we got was him yelling Rey’s name another 40 times. And, the one person’s story which we got, aka Poe, turned out to be a drug dealer. They made a Hispanic man a drug dealer. I will never, ever forgive them for doing all of this.

Another problem was of how rushed this entire film was. An incredible amount of information to put in a 2 and 1/2 hour film, and it wasn’t done all that well. Just when the audience had genuinely believed that Chewie had died, we see that he’s alive. If you’re gonna do a death-scare, make it believable? 3PO getting his memory wiped but then getting it back from R2 was rushed as well; what was the point of the whole emotional “Taking one last look sir, at my friends” if he was just going to get his memory back anyway? Overdramatic AND unnecessary. Once again circling back to Reylo; they started off the film indicating no signs of romantic tensions but they ended up kissing at the end? You could pull the enemies-to-lovers card on this, which would make sense to an extent but also could not justify how rushed their romance was. I wouldn’t say that such twists in the film weren’t interesting, but if they carried out the concept to a point where it made sense, it would have been better. This was just unnecessary and ruined the film even more.

Back to Finnpoe once again; the idea that they were each given a heterosexual partner in this film AFTER all the hype and the shipping was done, is queerbaiting at its finest. Maybe that’s not the right word, but it’s something shitty. Jannah and Zorii had a lot of potential as their individual characters but were reduced to love interests because Disney is homophobic and it really, really is disgusting to me.

Since when does the Force do all these things. Resurrecting people? Being dead and still being able to force lift things? Not to say that such powers couldn’t have been discovered by each individual, but to have brought them into the film as a plot device rather than a power each respective character has developed during their arc, is once again, unnecessary.

After the release, the fans got all but concept art and excerpts of the film, and what COULD have been. Explanations of what was trying to be conveyed in the film. If you are forced to explain the film you have just released through interviews, it sucked. There’s a saying that as a filmmaker, you must “trust your audience”. Abrams trusted his audience, and all we could see were the flaws and missing details.

Generally, several flaws of this film spawned out of the petty film-feud between JJ Abrams and Rian Johnson. What Johnson tried to do in The Last Jedi was outstanding, and was a very unique concept compared to other Star Wars films. Sure, it had flaws, but a Star Wars film is not a Star Wars film without plot-holes and shitshows. But what Abrams attempted in The Rise Of Skywalker was to contradict almost everything in the previous film. The Force Awakens was outstanding, don’t get me wrong, so I couldn’t really say that Abrams isn’t good for Star Wars. But the two directors’ creative differences should NOT have gotten in the way of telling a good story. This trilogy had potential, and this film was beyond important for millions of fans of all ages.

Adam Driver’s performance was brilliant. It’s upsetting that he didn’t even get much to say in the 3rd act other than “Ow” but he managed to do so well even without dialogue. He didn’t even have to speak to show the true transition between Kylo Ren and Ben Solo, you could see it through the tenderness of the emotions portrayed by Driver overtime.

It’s upsetting that Domhnall Gleeson didn’t get half as much screentime as he did in The Last Jedi, and the way they finished General Hux’s character arc was honestly pathetic. For a character with such antagonism to be reduced to a plot device that dies like THAT? Regardless, still an amazing performance by Gleeson as per usual.

John Boyega and Oscar Isaac continue to be my favourite people ever. Their characters deserve so much better and I am GLAD that John is speaking his mind on social media, regardless of the... aftermath of it.

If I talk about the way that Han and Leia deserved better, I will not stop talking. Just know that is a point I want to get across. And, Rest in Peace Carrie Fisher. We love and miss you tremendously and it hurts me to know that had you been around, you would not have let this film be so awful.

To conclude this extremely lengthy and overdramatic review of Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker, I would like to push aside the numerous flaws of this film and try my best to look at the bright side of the disaster. The rainbow after the storm. Whatever.

I believe that this film was really good if you disconnect it from the rest of the franchise. For round 3 of this film in theatres, I went with a friend who had only seen The Force Awakens and about half of The Last Jedi; and she loved it. It’s definitely not a clear judgement, but I tried to look at her perspective and I got it. Disconnect the story, the expectations, and the background of each character which inevitably leads to expectations of the end of their character arc. It’s difficult, and honestly stupid to look at it like this, but as someone who just wants to smile during a film; I think there’s no fun in hate. Most of the effects in this film were gorgeous (let’s forget force ghost Luke). Take that, the larger-than-life scale of events, the emotions, the impeccable score, I believe it to be nothing short of a cinematic masterpiece. I’ll take the tomatoes you throw at me because I have to admit, watching this film in theatre was an experience I’d love to have again. I cheered my ass off when Ben pulled out the blue lightsaber in the climax.

I don’t think I could ever be a real film critic solely because I will always find some way to enjoy the film no matter how awful it is.

As usual, honorary mention to the phenomenal score that is present in every Star Wars films. Hats off to John Williams, thank you for making the audience cry for 40+ years. We love you!

It’s 5:45am as I’m finishing this off and as a side note, since I’m overly-emotional, I’d like to say something. The hatred and conflict created by The Rise Of Skywalker has blinded us of our true love for what Star Wars once was. Star Wars is a film saga about hope, love, faith, and the way (almost) every film has managed to convey it, always brings tears to my eyes. It upsets me to see it, and I hope that everyone slowly grasps back onto their once-love for Star Wars.

May the force be with you.

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