#but I totally get how leaning into being extremely self indulgent in a complete fix it au can be fun too

[criticalrolo]

self care is coming up with THE Most Self Indulgent AUs and drawing little pictures to go along with the dumb stories you write for yourself

[astrology-india]

Taurus Compatibility - The Best and Worst Match

New Post has been published on https://www.astrology-india.com/taurus-compatibility/

Taurus Compatibility - The Best and Worst Match

If you are lucky enough to have a Taurus in your life, then you already know what I am about to tell you.

Smart, friendly, and down to earth, the Taurus is a likely partner-in-conversation for just about anything from serious life advice to humorous banter.

Those born under the sign of Taurus are known throughout the zodiac as being trustworthy and dependable.

They come through in the clutch. Add in some friendliness and warmth for good seasoning and you got yourself a bull.

Ruled by Venus, the planet of love, it is not unheard of for the Taurus to partake in sensuality, even hedonism.

However, the bull seems to keep it in check, being well-grounded, practical, and focused on achieving their goals.

As a fixed sign, the Taurus is driven and determined.

They also have a reputation for being stubborn and even quick to temper, but let’s be clear here, you did not hear that from me. The Taurus is usually hardworking and committed. From love to career, they seem to know what they want and are fueled by stars to go and get it.

Below is everything you need to know about which zodiac signs are best and least suited for Taurus compatibility based on sun signs alone.

For the most accurate description regarding compatibility, it is important to understand your complete natal chart.

The Best Taurus Compatibility Matches

Taurus Compatibility is the best with their fellow earth signs who all value hard work, goals, and staying at home together.

The Taurus can be a winning combo with two of the sensitive and intelligent water signs as we will see below.

Taurus and Capricorn

The combination of Taurus and Capricorn is the power-couple of the zodiac.

Both hardworking, intelligent, and friendly signs, these two in love could take over the world if they desired to.

If the bull wanted a run for their money concerning stubbornness, Capricorn the goat can deliver.

This is a good thing, though. Both the Taurus and the Capricorn understand that the whole “stubborn” thing is an unfair critique anyway.

They both know that it is their devotion and commitment that people mistake the stubbornness for.

And this devotion? Well, it is for their friends, loved ones, family, careers, and their goals.

In my opinion, things that are well-worth being stubborn for and Capricorn/Taurus compatibility is excellent because these two share the same values.

The Capricorn is a bit more driven than the Taurus, who does not complain about taking it easy and indulging occasionally. The Capricorn digs all of that too.

So, when the more dominant and driven goat tires themselves out in the endless pursuit of achieving their goals, the sensual Taurus will be right there with dinner on the stove, the candles lit, and a good movie on deck.

Taurus and Virgo

The Taurus is sweet, and the Virgo is sensitive, no two sun signs could be more nurturing of each other.

Both signs are practical and hardworking and these two likely share the same priorities: loyalty to their partner, family, career, and staying at home.

Taurus compatibility with Virgo works so well because of some of the contrast of the two signs and the balance that they feed each other.

The Taurus is fixed and grounded. The bull is self-assured and proud. On the other hand, Virgo is a mutable sign who is known for being critical and sometimes goes off the deep end with worry.

In this harmoniously balanced relationship, the bull shows the over-analytical Virgo how to stay grounded and the Virgo keeps the Taurus in check when they go off into over-indulgence.

The Virgo knows how to get things done and will help the Taurus to focus and make their dreams into a reality.

In the bedroom, the Taurus will be much more open, as a sensual and physical sun sign. The Virgo is much more subdued.

This sun sign relationship is built on loyalty, so this is a good yin and yang balance if both parties share that deep connection.

Taurus and Cancer

What happens when two possessive, yet devoted sun signs meet and fall in love? They give each other fully to one another.

This could be seen rather remarkably in the Taurus/Cancer bond.

These two are domesticated, stable, and forward-looking.

They are alike in pretty much every way with only one real big difference: the Taurus is an earth sign, and the Cancer is a water sign.

What this means in broad terms is that while the Taurus lives through analyzing and rationalizing, the Cancer exists mostly through their emotions and intuition.

The Taurus thinks of every possible outcome to a decision while the Cancer goes off of feeling. This is also how the two primarily communicate as well.

If the above leads to any disagreements, it will be the many things that they agree on that will keep this couple together and the Cancer/Taurus compatibility going strong- mainly, staying at home.

The Taurus and Cancer are the two most domesticated signs of the zodiac.

These two signs are extremely loyal and seek security. Both the Taurus and the Cancer are hardworking and goal-oriented.

This perfect alignment of values will leave this couple with little to squabble about, which is a good thing because both signs have hot tempers.

Taurus and Pisces

If the Taurus has been wondering if there is any other sign out there that appreciates sensuality as much as they do, they need not look any further than Pisces- the most sensual of the zodiac.

The tough bull and the sensitive fish, who would have thought?

Just because the Pisces wears their feelings on their sleeve 24/7 and the stoic Taurus does not, really does not mean a thing.

The Taurus is pretty sensitive too and has a rich emotional life, even if they do not fully understand it.

Pisces is the ideal sun sign to help the Taurus get in touch with that side of themselves.

Both signs are intelligent homebodies who like to consume the finer things in life from the arts, cuisine, nature, music, books, and film.

Both the Taurus and Pisces love good conversation and humor.

The Pisces imagination will entertain and intrigue the Taurus to no end and in the bedroom Pisces intuition and Taurus sensuality together are dynamic.

All of this entirely depends on the specific Taurus and Pisces, of course. There is a chance that the two signs can over-indulge if not kept in check.

If both signs have it relatively together and are focused on their goals, then this is a beautiful, magical, almost physic relationship.

Least Taurus Compatible Matches

Some signs do not fare well with the Taurus romantically.

Taurus compatibility works the best with sun signs that share the same values. Some, like the sun signs below, have values that run counter to the Taurus’.

Taurus and Aquarius

Have you ever seen somebody kick over another person’s sandcastle at the beach? Maybe you have not but have seen a Taurus and Aquarius relationship. It is basically the same thing.

To better put this in perspective, imagine that the sandcastle is the Taurus’ need for comfort, stability, and security, and the foot that kicks it is everything about what the Aquarius represents.

The misunderstood Aquarius marches to the beat of their own drummer, and one could say that their objective in this life is to challenge traditions.

This means stability as we know it, something the Taurus looks for throughout their entire lives.

The Aquarius is off-beat and always playing with expansive and abstract ideas and has an alchemic way of bringing them into life.

The practical Taurus does not understand any of this at all and would much prefer to be with a more level-headed and down to earth person.

The Aquarius will have little interest in the Taurus anyway, as they see the bull as too materialistic and rigid.

Nothing about the Taurus will excite the Aquarius and vice-versa.

Taurus compatibility with Aquarius is not good. Both signs are extraordinary in their own right, but for a romantic relationship, they will do far better with a sun sign who shares their same values.

Taurus and Gemini

Taurus compatibility with Gemini is weak because the two signs have little in common.

In every aspect of their lives, The Taurus looks for stability like a heat-seeking missile. This is especially the case with their romantic involvement.

The Gemini is a free sign, not only because they are mutable, but the Gemini is particularly known to be flighty.

Maybe not in an ADD sort of way, but they do have this remarkable ability to jump from one thing to the next, often making decisions and taking actions at the drop of a dime.

The Taurus is much too grounded and cautious to understand the Gemini’s unpredictable ways.

In a sense, the double-sided and mutable Gemini (who is nicknamed “the twins”) may also have difficulty understanding why they do some of what they do as well.

Everything from activities to the conversation will go this way with the pair, leaving the Taurus desperately looking for some sense of routine and normalcy.

This is sure to bring out the stubbornness of the bull and the Gemini will think the Taurus takes everything too seriously.

Taurus and Sagittarius

Just because Taurus is ruled by the planet of love, Venus does not mean that their love is well-suited for everyone.

Taurus compatibility with Sagittarius is not good for many reasons, most pronounced is their difference in values.

The fire sign of Sagittarius is explosive and daring, a complete extrovert and social butterfly.

Meanwhile, the more reserved Taurus tends to lean towards being an introvert.

This should not be a total dealbreaker, however, the ruling planet of Sagittarius is Jupiter, which represents travel and exploration.

Taurus is one of the most domesticated sun signs and Sagittarius natives would likely work for the airlines if they do not already.

The Sagittarius is all about freedom and at the end of the day, the Taurus would much rather just stay at home with their partner.

Taurus compatibility with Sagittarius is highly doubtful as both seem to be here on earth worth completely different missions and both signs are pretty steadfast about making them into a reality.

Taurus and Aries

Remember the sandcastle analogy from earlier? Let’s use that again here.

The sandcastle still represents the Taurus’ values and this time the foot that kicks it represents the Aries.

Unlike the Aquarius in the earlier scenario, who has their reason for kicking the sandcastle, the Aries kicks it just to kick it. Aries, the aggressive young ram, thrives on conflict for conflict’s sake. The Taurus is hardworking and carefully constructs a comfortable, peaceful, and stable life for themselves.

Aries/Taurus compatibility is a big negative. If this relationship even starts, to begin with, it will end pretty quickly in one of three ways:

1) The Taurus ignores the Aries’s constant challenges to fight them, in which case the Aries leaves to go find someone else that will fight them.

2) The Taurus thinks the Aries is a bully, gets too stressed out, and then leaves.

3) The Aries pushes the Taurus just enough to bring out the bull’s famously bad, yet well-checked temper, and a fight that will end all fights ensues.

This locking of horns will likely be so bad that there cannot be any reconciliation ahead.

The Taurus Man

The Taurus man is a stoic in every sense of the word. Well, at least they want you to believe that.

Tough on the outside, the bull is a nature lover as a native of Venus. He is sweet and charming to those who know him.

The Taurus man is sensual and physically expressive, yet appearances would have you thinking that he was more reserved.

This is possibly true with his day-to-day decision making, but when he is in love, he is going to show it selflessly and with tons of affection.

The Taurus man is intelligent and communicative, he chooses his words wisely- he says what he means and means what he says.

He is hardworking and goal-oriented. Chances are this man who is successful and seeks a mate with a similar drive. Finding a partner who shares his values is a priority for him.

The Taurus man is a homebody. A force to be reckoned with at his 9-5, he cannot wait to get home and indulge in some good food, romantic company, and an evening in with his partner.

The Taurus, only matched by the Cancer, is the most domesticated of the sun signs.

The Taurus man is the perfect catch: an ambitious go-getter and a selfless and sensual lover at home.

Taurus Man Relationship Compatibility

The Taurus man works hard for his life of success, comfort, and peace and needs a partner who values the same things as him. He is loyal and devoted and seeks someone who is in it with them for the long haul.

Taurus man relationship compatibility works the greatest with Capricorn, Virgo, Cancer, and Pisces.

Taurus Man Sexual Compatibility

The Taurus man is physically expressive. While sex is physical, it is also much more than that to the Taurus man, who does not just make love in bed- he actually makes love in bed.

The best sexual partners for the Taurus man are Capricorn, Virgo, Cancer, and Pisces.

The Taurus Woman

The Taurus woman is the definition of a powerful woman. She is as strong as a bull, but as a native of Venus, she is as feminine as they come.

She is an artist at heart and drawn to things spiritual. If you told me that you know a Taurus woman from yoga class, I would not be surprised.

She is practical, intelligent, and communicative. While known for expressing her love physically, she needs stimulating conversation, preferably of the smart and humorous kind.

As a fixed sign, she is likely confident. The Taurus woman knows who she is and is looking for a partner who is the same.

The female bull is self-reliant and independent, so having a partner for her is a plus and not a necessity. She would much rather be alone than with someone insensitive, boring, or otherwise fake.

When in a relationship, she is devoted. Known to be a loyal lover, the Taurus woman seeks a partner who shares her values but also someone who does not bore her to death.

She appreciates genuine, interesting, and stable people in her life and to win her heart you will likely need to be patient and show and prove that you are a special catch.

Taurus Woman Relationship Compatibility

Taurus women are confident, independent, and self-reliant. She is tough yet sensual and full of love. When she is with a partner, she is fully invested. Highly devoted, the Taurus woman is looking for something solid and long term. Her compatibility is best with Capricorn, Virgo, Cancer, and Pisces.

Taurus Woman Sexual Compatibility

The Taurus woman is a physically expressive and powerfully sensual lover.

While she might come off as reserved, she lets her guard down in the bedroom, but only when in the company of a trusted companion who she is committed to.

The Taurus woman’s best sexual matches are Capricorn, Virgo, Cancer, and Pisces.

Final Thoughts

The intelligent and friendly earth sign of Taurus craves stability, comfort, and peace. If a sun sign shares these values, their differences will likely balance each other out in beneficial ways.

The Taurus in love is devoted; stubborn, yet selfless. They are trustworthy and dependable and in it for the long run.

Taurus compatibility is good with other domesticated homebodies who like to partake in sensuality at home: winning and dining, good books, and movies, with some stimulating conversation in the mix.

Some sun signs not only have different values than the Taurus, but their values actively go against what the Taurus works so diligently at building up for themselves, their sandcastle.

For this reason, Taurus compatibility is poor with Aquarius, Gemini, Sagittarius, and Aries.

Conversely, Taurus makes an excellent partner for sun signs Capricorn, Virgo, Cancer, and Pisces.

All of these signs prefer to stay at home and gravitate towards intellectually stimulating conversations and activities.

Some of these signs are hardworking and goal-oriented, and the others can be as well, depending on other aspects of their natal chart and their overall character.

[artemispanthar]

Tentative Title: Movie Date Originally written: 09/12/16 Word Count: 3,119 Intended plot: Pearl goes on a movie date with Mystery Girl.

Notes: Extremely self-indulgent Pearl/Mystery Girl ship fic written shortly after “Last One Out of Beach City” aired. I was actually super motivated to finish this one but the fall of 2016 was when I got really, really sick and almost died so it unfortunately fell to the wayside and I never got to pick it back up. This is a pretty good example of how I usually write, though, as I usually end up writing the beginning and end of a story first, write in the scenes I have a clear picture of, and then fill in the spaces inbetween. Since this is unfinished, it kinda just jumps between scenes midsentence, so I’ll indicate the scene changes with a — mark

I’m kinda tempted to finish this one too. It’s self-indulgent to the point of it being embarrassing but that made it really easy to write

Side note: You may or may not recall my big rambly post (here) about a fictional horror series called Helltel from a few years back. Well, it was developed entirely due to this fic and tbh it’s likely none of the information I made up was even going to come up in it, I just got carried away lol

It had been several weeks since the night of the rock show and Pearl had already experienced more of Earth and human interaction in that short time than in the last 6000 years she’d spent on the planet. Sure, it was mostly house parties and bonfires, but it was all so different and new and exciting. Part of her wanted to kick herself for not exploring this side of Earth life before, but another, more rational side told her she could never have experienced this way before now. She certainly wouldn’t have felt so comfortable shamelessly flirting with that mystery girl she’d met at the show, and that was really what made those social outings so enjoyable.

Pearl had seen the girl a total of three times after getting her number. The day after the show, after working up her nerve (and goaded on by Amethyst) she borrowed Steven’s phone and gave the girl a call. They finally exchanged names (hers was Sheena, which Pearl thought was lovely) and compliments. Pearl found her just as captivating on the phone as she was in person. After that initial call, Sheena began sending her texts, which Steven explained as short written messages people exchange on phones. They texted back and forth for a day (mostly idle chatter) before Greg stopped by and gave Pearl a new phone. He had said it was so she didn’t have to keep asking to borrow Steven’s and also “for privacy”, whatever that meant. Pearl had refused at first, but Greg insisted, “We can call it a late payment for when you fixed the van. Besides, what’s the point in having money if you can’t share it?”

 —

Pearl was shaken from her musings by someone tapping her in the back. She jolted slightly, startled, and turned to see a short woman with blonde hair. The woman took half a step back, pulling her arm away.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I just wanted to ask if this was the line for the Splatterday event.”

“Oh, uhm…” Pearl looked around. She wasn’t entirely sure what that meant. But there was only the one line, so it had to be, right? “Yes, I think so.”

“Ah, thanks!” The woman said, giving Pearl an appreciative nod and a warm smile. Pearl smiled back. As she went to turn away, the woman spoke again.

“Hey, aren’t you one of Steven’s… uhm, one of the Gems Steven lives with? You're… Pearl, right?”

Oh! That’s why this human looked so familiar, she was a friend of Steven’s! She was one of the donut children from that donut shop Steven liked. She was the nice one, who was always kind to Steven.

“Yes! And you’re from the donut shop, correct?”

“Right! Are you here with Steven? Because I don’t think they’re going to let him in… Or is this a Gem thing? Should we evacuate the theater?” The woman laughed awkwardly, half-joking, half-completely serious.

“Oh, nono, it’s completely safe, especially with me here. And Steven’s at home, I’m actually here with…” Pearl said turning to point out her companion. As if on cue, Sheena was already on her way over. She stopped beside Pearl and handed her a small piece of paper.

“Here’s your ticket. Looks like they’re showing Helltel four and five tonight.”

“Oh dear, would I have had to have seen the first three for it to make sense?”

“Naw, they’re not gonna make sense anyway.” Sheena laughed, putting her hands in her pockets and nodding toward the woman Pearl had been talking to. “Who’s your friend?”

“Oh! Sheena, this is… uhm…” Pearl paused as it suddenly occurred to her she didn’t actually know this woman’s name, and though her knowledge of human social etiquette wasn’t the greatest, she was pretty sure calling her “the Donut Child” would definitely be peculiar.

Mercifully, though, the woman interjected.  “Sadie.”

“Yes, right, Sadie! She lives next door to the temple.”

“Well, I don’t live there, I work there. But I’m there so often it does kinda feel like I live there.” The woman, Sadie, laughed. “It’s the Big Donut. I think I’ve seen you in there sometimes, actually.”

“Oh, yeah.” Sheena said, nodding. “Cool place. Decent coffee.”

“Thanks, it comes from a big bag in the backroom.” Sadie said, causing both Sheena and herself to laugh. Pearl didn’t really ‘get it’, but laughed as well.

 —

They followed the crowd into a long, narrow room with a large screen. It had an aisle running down the middle toward the screen with about fifteen rows of four seats on either side of the aisle. After looking around for a moment, Sheena led Pearl to a row of seats to the left of the aisle, five rows from the back. Sheena motioned for Pearl to sit first, and she shuffled into the narrow space between the rows to get to her seat. She then paused, perplexed. The seats were very peculiar, they had normal fabric covered backs but the seats of it were strange, narrow columns that didn’t look at all comfortable to sit on. Nothing Pearl couldn’t handle, of course, so she went about trying to perch on the awkward seat, which proved rather difficult as it wobbled terribly. Then she heard a snort to her right as Sheena stifled a laugh.

“You gotta push the seat down and then sit on it. Like this.” To demonstrate, Sheena pushed down on the odd column on the seat closest to the aisle, causing it to fold out into a typical-looking cloth-covered seat. She then sat down on it, settled in, and gestured for Pearl to try. Pearl looked at the seat in front of her and gingerly pushed down on the folded seat. It folded out into a seat just as Sheena’s had. Pearl released her hold on it and it snapped back into its original, folded position. Fascinated, she pushed it down and released it a couple more times. It creaked audibly but otherwise seemed to operate perfectly. Finally, she sat down on it, testing her weight on it.

“Oh, it folds up when not in use to make space and it folds out for use, with one’s weight keeping it down. That’s very clever!” Pearl marveled. It was a simple mechanism, but she was always impressed by what humans were capable of building. Primitive, compared to Gem technology, of course, but humans always seemed to figure out ways to make what they needed or clever ways to engineer something to make it more useful. That was probably her favorite thing about humans. In the beginning they had nothing and they figured out how to make everything they needed, taught themselves how. In this way they kind of reminded her of… well, herself.

“Yeah, I guess it is kinda clever.” Sheena said, amused. She leaned on the armrest between them. “Y’know, you’re really cute when you geek out about this stuff. Makes me think about stuff different than I used to.”

“Oh! Well, I’m happy to hear that

 —

The room got louder and louder as more people continued to pour into the theater, taking seats and idly chatting. A human couple squeeze by Pearl and Sheena, murmuring ‘excuse me’s, and took the seats just to Pearl’s left. Pearl’s nerves prickled and she removed her arm from the armrest between her and the stranger, shifting slightly to be closer toward Sheena. She bounced her leg and absently scratched at the worn fabric on the armrest to her right. Pearl didn’t mind the crowds, really, she had expected it and prepared herself for it. But the noise level rising, the heat from all the bodies, the bright fluorescent lights, and the feeling of being boxed in… it was just a bit much all at once. It brought up unpleasant feelings and memories. She shook her head to dispel them, she wasn’t going to dwell on the past and ruin the evening,

“Are people going to be able to hear the movie with all this noise?” Pearl muttered.

“They’ll be quieter once the lights are off. It buggin’ you?”

“Hmm? Oh, no, I’m fine, I’m fine.” Pearl said. After a few seconds, she felt Sheena’s hand rest on her own. She stopped scratching at the armrest and turned her wrist so she could hold Sheena’s hand. It was comforting. She bounced her leg at a slower pace.

“Y’know, we could leave if you’re not feeling it.”

“No, no, I’m alright. I want to do this. I’m just nervous.”

“Hmm. Do you want to switch seats? You could be on the aisle, just get up and go if you need to.”

“Oh,” Pearl looked around. Maybe it would help to have that option. “Could we? If it’s alright with you.”

“Psh, yea, I’m cool wherever.” Sheena said, letting go of Pearl’s hand and standing up. She stepped into the aisle to allow Pearl to move over to her seat, then squeezed by Pearl and sat down.

Pearl sighed. It was such a little change, but it really did make her feel much better. She didn’t feel boxed in anymore, having that free space to her side was doing wonders.

“Thank you, this is much better. Sorry for being a bother.”

“Eh, it’s nothing. Sometimes you just gotta feel like you can go whenever. That’s what I like about my bike, I used to have a car but it always made me feel like I was stuck.”

“Oh? I’ll have to try that out sometime. I used to get that feeling when I’d pilot spaceships but… well I don’t get much opportunity to do that these days.”

Sheena laughed. “Well, I doubt it’s gonna feel like flying a spaceship. But it is pretty cool anyway. I could take you for a ride on in sometime.”

“Oh! That would be lovely. I-” Pearl stopped talking and sat up straighter when the lights suddenly turned off. The large screen lit up and after flickering for a few seconds began running advertisements for the theater.

Sheena leaned over to Pearl and whispered “It’s about to start, so we can’t talk too loud.” Pearl nodded. She did know that much (she got the run down of movie theater etiquette from Steven) but appreciated that Sheena thought to tell her.

The screen turned black and slowly faded into an image of a dilapidated hotel on a hill, shrouded in fog. Rain battered the building in a way that was clearly not actually rain, probably some sort of sprinkler set up. It looked very fake, in Pearl’s opinion. The movie cut to the interior of the building

—

Pearl turned to walk away, then turned back. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. “Sheena, wait.”

“Yea?” Sheena paused, her helmet partially on her head. She took it back off and hung it on the handle of her motorcycle.

Pearl took a few steps closer, wringing her hands for a moment before clasping them together, to stop herself from fidgeting too much. “I… uhm… I had a very lovely time tonight. Wonderful, in fact. I hope you did as well.”

“I did.” Sheena said, amused.

“Good! Good. And, well, after such a nice night I’ve heard it’s customary to… well, I mean, I’m not an expert on human dating practices by any means, of course, but I thought it would be nice if…”

“Yea?” Sheena closed the distance between them, causing Pearl to need to look up at her.

“What I’m trying to say is,” Pearl took a breath. She could do this. “I would very much like to kiss you, if… if that isn’t too forward. I completely understand if you would prefer not to, of course, I was just thinking…”

Sheena didn’t say anything, instead she brought one hand to rest on Pearl’s cheek, gently guiding Pearl to tilt her head up. She leaned down slightly and Pearl stretched up, their lips met and…

It was amazing. Sure, it wasn’t the bombastic fireworks like the first time she kissed Rose (which was the first time she kissed anyone, ever), after a hard won victory during the Gem War, but it still felt electric. Kissing a human was so much different from kissing a Gem, Pearl found. Gems can simulate the human body in many ways, simulate skin texture, teeth, saliva, all that. But it’s just a simulation, incredible but never quite the same. Humans… humans are cohesive yet imperfect. Always imperfect. There’s just no way to properly replicate the random imperfection of the human body accurately. Her lips were warm and soft, but not uniformly so. Some spots were softer, wetter, warmer. And it changed, very slightly, even over the short time they kissed. And that lip ring! Pearl wasn’t quite sure what that would feel like, in fact it had puzzled her because surely it would just be in the way? But strangely it wasn’t. It was noticeably there, yes, but it didn’t seem out of place. It was a cooler, harder texture comparatively, and interesting in a good way. Everything about this felt… right, imperfect and different yet completely right.

It felt like it lasted ages but it was only a few seconds before they pulled apart. Pearl stared up at Sheena, breathless. Figuratively speaking, of course, as she didn’t really need to breathe and yet felt out of breath all the same. “Wow…”

Sheena laughed, soft and low. “Yeah, wow… Y’know, I gotta tell ya, I’ve been waiting to kiss you for a while now. Not that I mind taking things slow, of course.”

“Oh goodness, I’m sorry! I wasn’t sure how long it’s customary for humans to wait.” Pearl blushed, embarrassed. Everything on Earth moved so fast! It was hard for her to gauge how time worked for humans. Gems, being ageless, didn’t really have need to rush. “I didn’t want to rush into anything or pressure you.”

“Naw, it’s alright, I get it. There’s not any customary way of doing these things, really. It’s just what feels right, I guess. Some people go fast, others go slow. It’s all good.” Sheena paused, thinking, then said “What’s customary where you’re from?”

“Oh, nothing. Gems don’t really… have these sorts of relationships. Not on Homeworld anyway. We weren’t meant to or allowed to. Romantic relationships were completely unheard of. Kissing as a concept doesn’t exist there, or didn’t, I suppose I’m not really up on how things are there now.”

“Damn, really? Wow. That’s… that’s really awful. I’m sorry.”

Pearl hummed in agreement. “It was. I was on Earth for several years before I learned what kissing was. And even more before I ever tried it myself.”

“Oh, you’re really behind, then.”

“Behind?”

“On kissing. You should’ve been kissed way more in your life. But I’ll be more than happy to help you catch up.” Sheena said, leaning in.

“Oh!” It was a line. Cheesy, maybe, but Pearl appreciated it. “Oh, I think I’d like that.” She leaned in as well and they kissed again.

They broke after a moment. Pearl sighed, happily. “You know, in the beginning, I thought the act seemed rather messy and unpleasant.”

“But you don’t anymore?”

“Oh, goodness no.”

“That’s good.” Sheena said, and they kissed again.

“Well,” Pearl started, when they broke for breath (for Sheena, anyway). “I suppose it still is but-” They kissed again. “-with the right people it somehow-” Again. “-feels right and it doesn’t bother me. But-” Again. “-if I think of it in the abstract I suppose-” Again. “-it is still somewhat unpleasant. So-” Again. “-it’s more about the company than the-”

“Pearl?” Sheena sighed, breathless (or perhaps just exasperated).

“Yes?”

“Not that I’m not interested, ‘cause I am, but I think this would go smoother if you stopped talking so much.”

“Oh, right, sorry!”

“S’alright, no need to be sorry. I just think you’d enjoy it more if you lost yourself in the feeling, y’know? Or just try it out, at least.” Sheena said. Pearl nodded. They kissed again.

“I’m just nervous.” Pearl said when they broke again. Sheena hummed sympathetically and they kissed again. “I have a tendency to ramble when I’m nervous.” Again. “I don’t even realize-”

“Pearl.” Oh, right, rambling again. They kissed again. And again.

“… Sorry.” Pearl squeaked out between kisses. She couldn’t help it, she had to! Sheena didn’t respond, but instead continued to kiss Pearl while laughing softly into her mouth. It was a kind laugh, not cruel or mocking, just… amused. It created a pleasant, humming sensation in Pearl’s mouth. It was infectious, too, and she couldn’t help but laugh along with her. After a moment they stopped and just continued kissing, with no further interruptions.

They continued like that for a while, and Pearl had to admit Sheena was right. It was rather nice to just… lose herself in the feeling. To just fall into that rhythm and that pleasant feeling of exploration and just being with someone. It was nice. They pulled apart again and neither felt compelled to continue, just allowing themselves to look at one another in silence, save for the sound of breathing.

“Alright.” Sheena sighed, reluctant. “I really should go now. Got work in the morning.”

“Ah yes, and you humans do need a certain amount of sleep to function properly! I’m sorry if I kept you from it.”

“Naw, it was worth it.” Sheena gave Pearl one last kiss before turning and walking back to her motorcycle. She straddled the seat and put her helmet on, adjusting the strap. “See you Saturday, probably.”

“Yes, with luck! And, uhm, catch you later!”

Sheena laughed. “Should I fall.” She started her motorcycle and drove off.

Pearl watched her drive away until she disappeared behind some buildings and the roar of her motorcycle’s engine could no longer be heard. Then she stood in silence for a moment, just breathing, just being. She was so… proud of herself. She was socializing with humans, she was experiencing Earth. Not for Rose and not even for Steven, but for herself. She went on a real official human date for the first time! She was nervous, but she did it. She felt happy at this moment, genuinely happy. Best of all, she felt little to no guilt about feeling happy. Out of everything, Pearl was probably most proud about that.

With a contented sigh, Pearl finally turned and walked to Greg’s car. The parking lot of the movie theater was mostly empty now and dead silent. She hummed softly, getting into the car and starting the engine. She flicked on the Earth radio, fiddling with the dial until she found a tune that sounded half-way pleasant, and set a course back to the temple.

[slimtonediet-blog]

Slim Tone Diet - IS IT SAVE? Must Read "OFFICIAL REVIEWS"

Slim Tone Diet Review: Currently, not everybody gets the way this works so we tend to'll begin by explaining the fundamentals of ketosis and it is obtaining such a huge hit nowadays. Thus, what happens through ketosis is that the body starts to utilize fat for energy and that produces a lot of energy in the human body and conjointly rids the body of fat.

What is Slim Tone Diet?

Slim Tone Diet is a weight loss supplement that will help you get rid of the weigh by carrying your own body into the condition of ketosis. This may sound straightforward but it's not actually that simple. Typically, you wish to follow a ketogenic diet to require the body in a state of ketosis. It will become terribly onerous for you to earn keto recipes and discover all the ingredients for these recipes. In addition, it needs a full ton of time and effort to arrange those foods.

Thus, alternatively, this formulation will be sued and your body can ultimately enter the state of ketosis. In this condition, all of the fats in your body can slowly start to decrease as they burn. Thus, at the end of the day, you are burning off all the actual fact that you've eaten throughout the day rather than storing it up from the adipose tissues of the human body.

How To Use Slim Tone Diet?

Take two pills with water every day for good outcomes. There are labels on the bottle of the formula that can instruct you regarding the daily dose of the formula that you're supposed to require in to urge the results. It is advised to not cross the given limit of use since it will cause harm to the body. The dosage that is suggested has been calculated by specialists thus you must follow it rather than using too much.

Benefits of Slim Tone Diet:

Slim Tone Diet is terribly helpful for the body since it functions with the scientific mechanism for ketosis and weight loss. Normally, supplements have facet effects along with blessings since there is continually a little artificialness in supplements. Yet, with this one, there is no need to be concerned regarding artificial ingredients since the ingredients that are employed by the corporate are all natural and brought from sources that are potent.

Fat Burning: The 1st and foremost measure for weight loss is to eliminate the fat. This is terribly important since fats are what get stored in the various elements of your body. You will have seen that some people have skinny legs and arms however their tummy is protruding. This is as a result of fat has accumulated in that space. Same is the case with buttocks. Thus, these fat reserves can create the general look of their body less desirable.

Slim Tone Diet makes the fat burn therefore that these areas are also as lean and slender as different parts of the body.

It also ensures that the fat reserves can not form once more once a while. Since the supplement works quickly, you may see a modification in your body in an exceedingly very short time.

Boost Metabolism: Metabolism refers back to the reactions occurring in the body. These responses will be of two completely different varieties. The initial sort is that the one in which new components and thins happen to be synthesized and therefore the second type is that the one in which the compounds at intervals the body are being divided to make other things or for excretion and removal.

Slim Tone Diet boosts your metabolism so that each one these reactions retake place at a faster rate.

When that happens, the body is want of extra energy. Of course, additional processes would like further energy.

This energy is extracted from food that you take in since your body is in the state of ketosis and therefore the body is using fat for energy, fats can be dissolved for providing fuel for these reactions.

During this means, the body quickly takes out fats that have been stored in there for a while.

Building Confidence: Everyone ought to own confidence in themselves and also to possess the ability to appreciate themselves despite everything. However once you are obese and everyone around you has perfect bodies, you are bound to feel like the odd one out and often this damages your self-esteem.

Slim Tone Diet helps to restore this shallowness by supplying you with the body that you've got forever dreamt of.

With this confidence, you'll rule the globe and feel comfortable along with your friends and family.

Better Mood: Some folks might be wondering what nice mood has to try and do with weight reduction. Here is what: If you are wired, you are inclined to eat a smart deal. This condition of mind additionally asks for additional snacking and you are sure to bite more frequently too. This becomes the reason for weight reduction when snacking becomes a habit.

Slim Tone Diet makes your glad and content. It makes your brain replaced and your body happy.

So, you are doing not feel the urge to indulge in snaking or eat after each hour or therefore.

A happier body also keeps you motivated to try and do better and make sure of yourself when you're determined to take care of yourself, you are doing not eat things that are harmful to your health and the physical appearance of your body.

Are There Any Additives?

This is a superb question and it is an inspiration that spans bryony's heads once they are visiting use a formula of this sort. Making your life considerably easier is the fact that Slim Tone Diet will not contain any additives. Usually, manufacturers do embody additives to their supplements because these are required to improve shelf life or to maintain the purity of the formula.

Nonetheless, during this formulation, no these additives are employed. All of the ingredients are natural. Moreover, there also are no coloring agents inside Slim Tone Diet therefore you do not have to stress about the harms that are caused by these substances. Along with that, there are also no additives in kind of tasting agents. Thus, the supplement does not have any style.

Why Slim Tone Diet Works?

Ketosis is that the condition where your body is extremely burning fat for energy rather than carbohydrates. Ketosis is very exhausting to get on your own and takes weeks to realize. KetoLean really helps your body achieve ketosis quickly and makes it possible to burn fat for energy rather than carbs!

The Problem With Weight Loss:

Whenever you're aiming for weight loss, you wish to confront an issue that the majority folks aren't even acutely aware of. The drawback is that your body uses carbs as an vital source of energy. When you eat food, it contains carbs, proteins, and fats. Proteins are used for repair functions within the body and conjointly to keep the whole body in great working condition. The carbs are used to administer energy within the body. These are uneven by the different reactions in the human body and as a result, energy is created. This energy is then utilized by the body to induce totally different chemical procedures and for the final functioning of the body.

You Might Be Wondering:

What happens to the fats? Well, the fats get stored within the body as reservations. These fats then bring about obesity and that they get stubborn as time passes. Since these fat loss reserves don't seem to be wiped out, they're extraordinarily powerful to lose. If the whole body is consuming carbs for energy only, the fats are certain to urge saved. Thus, if you want to shed weight, you wish to make sure your body is consuming the fats. This is what happens at the state of ketosis.

Testimonial of Slim Tone Diet:

Among the shoppers said, `'I started a keto diet since I heard it can help me with weight reduction. The diet should work, I'm sure. However, I did not have time in my hands to follow the diet correctly. I am one mother who works full time therefore there's no manner that I will fix these foods for myself. Conjointly, the ingredients are usually arduous to seek out where I reside. So, I set to travel for Slim Tone Diet instead since I figured that it will have the precise same effect as the diet.

I was right since the supplement has helped me lose a sensible deal of weight. My family is amazed by this sudden shift and that they inform me that they've never seen me a lot of assured than this. In all honesty, I feel quite confident regarding my body and that I will wear something that I need currently. I am not jealous of these perfect-bodied girls since I am slowly obtaining one among them utilizing this amazing formula.“

Where to Buy Slim Tone Diet?

Interested people may buy the supplement from the positioning of the producers. The product is on the market for purchase online just thus that you would like to pay using your credit card. Get the merchandise delivered to your home during a few days and you'll be able to begin cashing in on its blessings in solely 4 weeks. Slim Tone Diet would possibly be the life-changing formula that people currently want.

Buy Now - https://www.slimtonediet.net/

[wellnessroutines]

How to Stop Binge Eating: 12 Tips to Stop Emotional Eating

The last few months have actually been a bit insane in our family, and also, as is always the case when I'm feeling overloaded and also stressed, I have counted on food in order to help me cope. This is something I have actually been doing for many, several years, and while I wouldn't say my over-indulgent sessions with the materials of our kitchen area cupboard come close to a full-blown binge eating episode, I am all as well acquainted with the intense shame that takes place immediately following a late-night session with a family-sized container of peanut butter, and also I'm ill and also sick of berating myself for my lack of ability to control my psychological eating when life throws lemons at me.

So after I woke up feeling swollen as well as puffed up and filled with self-loathing a couple of weeks ago, I chose it was time to offer myself a great chatting to. I have been captured up in the vicious circle of eating and also working out well for weeks each time, then dropping off the wagon as well as totally getting rid of every one of my hard work the minute life becomes busy or stressful for much too long. As well as while it's great to obtain off track as well as indulge from time to time, the consistent ups as well as downs in my lifestyle are not only awful for my wellness, yet they also have destructive impacts on my mood.

Which isn't fair on anyone.

In the past, I've been great at using bandaid remedies to get myself back on track when things obtain out of hand. I ditch my nighttime glass of wine, I quit consuming sugar, I raise the intensity of my cardio sessions at the gym, as well as I often see instant results.

And that's great!

But my inflexible and also compulsive tendencies undoubtedly result in failing due to the fact that I merely can not run 10K at the health club daily with just a few kale leaves and also a couple of bites of smoked hen floating around in my body.

It's just not feasible.

Which leads me to the factor of this post.

binge > sense of guilt cycle finally. Tips 6 and also 8 have actually been real game adjustments for me!' width=' 600″ height="450″ />

In an initiative making adjustments that will certainly establish me up for long-lasting success in my quest to be a better version of myself so I can set an example for my child, I have actually placed pen to paper and come up with 10 techniques to quit binge consuming so I can kiss psychological eating goodbye for life. These ideas have actually been instrumental not just in aiding me return on track, however likewise in equipping me to make certain I remain to make good options when I'm feeling stressed out, overloaded, or anxious.

But before I discuss my ideas with you, I need to make something completely clear.

I am not a physician, neither am I a diet professional, as well as while I used the term 'binge eating' in this post, I am useding it really freely. This is a collection of ideas and also techniques that have actually helped me obtain my emotional eating in control, and also I hope they work for you as well. Yet I urge you to seek clinical interest if you suffer from a full-on eating disorder.

With that said, right here are 12 methods that have shown me exactly how to quit binge consuming as soon as and for all!

1. STOP DIETING

I have actually never been a lot of a dieter, yet I have been recognized to reduce calories and forgo particular food teams for extended time periods, as well as while these efforts have actually been extremely well-rewarded in the short-term, the lasting effects have actually never been good. Ultra-restrictive diets are understood to have an adverse influence on our metabolic process, as well as by reducing every one of the foods we enjoy from our diets, we are unavoidably establishing ourselves for a binge. Food is made to be appreciated, and also by embracing a diet regimen that is high in wholesome, nutritious foods (think: vegetables, fruits, and lean healthy proteins) and still enabling yourself to enjoy the important things you love every now and then, you will certainly delight in long-lasting success both with your weight management objectives and also your wish to quit psychological consuming. So quit not eating, juicing, detoxing, and preventing carbohydrates, and also bear in mind: moderation is key!

2. KEEP HUNGER IN CHECK

I made use of to be the queen of eating healthy as well as disregarding my hunger pains all the time, once it came time to prepare dinner and also I allowed myself a preference of this (as well as a bit of that), I discovered it extremely challenging to quit eating. I've had plenty of people tell me that I ought to eat the bulk of my food throughout the day, with supper being my smallest dish, but since I have actually always been a night eater, I was also afraid to offer this strategy a try. Just what if I died of hunger in my rest?! As it turns out, balancing my food consumption and also guaranteeing I never get to the point where I am so hungry I have to consume every little thing in view permits me making better food choices, as well as allows me to adhere to consuming appropriate portion dimensions ... even when I'm indulging.

3. CONSUME LEAN PROTEIN AT EVERY MEAL

Incorporating lean protein into each of your meals is critical in keeping hunger away as it keeps you really feeling full much longer. Chicken, eggs, beans, fish and shellfish, and low-fat dairy products are wonderful alternatives, yet if you struggle to find all-natural resources of lean healthy protein, a great protein powder might be the means to go.

4. AVOID TRIGGER SITUATIONS

In my experience, binge consuming often tends to be situational. I rarely, if ever, overindulge when I'm hectic, but the minute I seated down on the couch after a difficult day, I begin to consider food. Obviously, avoiding our couch is impossible - I like watching TV way too much! - yet after I actually assessed the scenarios surrounding my emotional consuming, I observed that I am most likely to overeat when I consume alcohol and/or when I keeping up actually late. All of us know that alcohol consumption and also sleep deprival could add to weight gain, however it had not been until I truly assessed the situation that I recognized merely exactly how large those 2 triggers are for me. Now I book alcohol for special events when I'm out of the house, as well as when I feel the munchies coming on while I'm enjoying TELEVISION late at evening, I put my PJs on as well as go to bed.

5. LEARN PROPER PART CONTROL

I useded to eat glutinous foods straight out of the product packaging, and it wasn't until an instructor at my fitness center asked me to jot down EVERY LITTLE THING I ate for a 3-day duration that I totally recognized just how much I was consuming each time I entered into the cooking area for a few chips or a small spoonful of peanut butter. I have because begun to compel myself to put each and every treat I consume (even if it's merely 3 pitiful potato chips) into a small dish, as well as I find this strategy not only compels me to take possession over just what I'm eating, but also makes me a lot more knowledgeable about just how much I'm consuming.

6. REPLACE ONE TASTE WITH ANOTHER

Since depriving on your own of your preferred foods commonly brings about binge eating, I am a huge follower that you ought to have small parts of the important things you like every so often to guarantee you do not seem like you're missing out on out. The only issue I have with this technique is that I sometimes discover it tough to stop at merely a number of bites. When this happens, I discover replacing one preference with an additional is quite handy. If I enable myself a couple of forkfuls of delicious chocolate cake and fear I won't be able to quit eating up until the entire covered is gone, I'll have a slice of cheese, make myself a mug of coffee, brush my teeth, or do something else to get the preference of chocolate as far away from my mouth as I could perhaps can. It does not ALWAYS work, but I would certainly say it keeps me from eating way too much about 80% of the time.

7. REDIRECT YOUR ATTENTION

I discussed earlier that my emotional consuming has the tendency to take place at evening when I'm consuming wine, which staying clear of alcohol and also going to bed early commonly keeps me from binge consuming. Sometimes I'm gotten over with the need to brighten off a bag of chocolate chips smack in the middle of the day, and also rather compared to offering right into those food cravings, I find diverting my interest to something else really assists. I generally choose an exercise when temptation endangers to obtain the very best of me, but various other points like opting for a stroll, making myself a favorite, calling a good friend, or arranging my wardrobe have actually likewise shown to be good distractions.

8. PRACTICE MINDFUL EATING

I have a propensity to consume every one of my dishes either in front of my computer or while viewing TV, and also though I delight in doing this, I find the act of consuming while concurrently doing another thing often makes me overindulge. When a pal just recently transformed me onto the concept of Mindful Consuming, I made a decision to offer some of the methods a shot. I fix a limit at consuming salads with chopsticks and also chewing each bite 25 times, but I do find that taking a seat to enjoy my dishes and also snacks without interruptions makes a massive distinction in the quantity of food I consume. I currently compel myself to eat EVERYTHING at the kitchen area table - also my late evening snacks - to guarantee I am enjoying my food and paying interest to my hunger cues.

9. DITCH CHEAT DAYS

I used to be a huge believer in cheat days. I would consume healthy and balanced all week long and after that when the weekend smash hit, I would delight in anything and also everything my heart desired. I really felt like I deserved it besides of my tough job, however when I started keeping a food journal, I realized simply exactly how much I was undermining my weight reduction efforts. I had no concept I might reverse an entire week's well worth of initiative in 24 brief hrs, and I discovered I was frequently rising and fall between healthy consuming and also undesirable binging. Currently that I'm not diet programs and allowing myself to indulge in glutinous foods in tiny amounts whenever I want to, I discover I do not REQUIRED a cheat day, which makes those weekend break binge-eating sessions a thing of the past.

10. GIVE YOURSELF GRACE

One of the points I hate most about weight loss is that it creates this intense demand to be excellent. I locate I get so caught up in attempting to comply with every little thing to a tee, and also as soon as I slide up (as I unavoidably do), I get pulled right into that 'why bother trying if I'm merely going to fail?' perspective. Those sensations eventually make me feel dreadful as well as depressed, makings me overindulge, and the more I eat way too much, the more awful and clinically depressed I really feel. It's becomes this vicious cycle I cannot leave, as well as I choose not to play that video game anymore. So instead of following a strict diet, I currently provide myself loose guidelines with room for extravagances occasionally. Essentially, this non-obsessive method to food has actually gone a lengthy means in aiding me eliminate emotional consuming from my life, yet I still have days when I overdo it. The only distinction is that rather compared to scolding myself when I eat greater than my fair share of chocolate covered, I take ownership for my decision, advise myself that I'm just human, stick with my promise making far better selections at my next meal, and also move on.

We all experience some form of emotional consuming in our lives, but several of us are a lot more vulnerable to binge eating compared to others. The trick is to ensure we have a proper strategy in position to aid us deal when the need to overindulge strikes. When we do make harmful choices, a little self-compassion could go a lengthy way.

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And if you're seeking more health-related tips and also tricks, please follow our Health as well as Health and fitness board where we discuss all sort of magnificent ideas!

[howtoloseweightfastsafely]

The #1 Ridiculous Diet Myth Pushed By 95% Of Doctors AND "Experts" That Is Keeping You From The Body Of Your Dreams

This refers to the myth that just "eating healthy" and substituting good choices for bad choices is all you need to do to lose weight.

How often do you hear "have brown rice instead of white rice" or "eat chicken breast instead of lean beef" or "just eat organic foods and you'll lose weight"?

I call B.S.

I'd love to know how this "expert" expects Americans to lose weight eating brown rice instead of white rice when the caloric load is nearly IDENTICAL.

Or how eating chicken breast is any different than lean beef when the caloric load is nearly IDENTICAL.

Or how eating organic cereal is better than eating regular cereal when the caloric load is nearly IDENTICAL. (Note: in the case of cereals, as you'll learn later, neither are good from a longevity perspective.)

You get the point.

Calories are numero uno when we're talking weight loss (with carb/fat/protein assortment & food choices being close behind). With food substitution and eating healthy, and any other similar nonsense trumpeted in the media, the dieter is NOT monitoring intake.

And truth be told he/she has no idea what his intake should even be because none of these "experts" have helped him/her how to figure it out. They just went on talking about healthy foods and not differentiating the weight loss side from the wellness/longevity/everything else side.

The reality is, research definitely does show tremendous benefits in reducing "bad carbs, fats, and protein"...in favor of "good carbs, fats, and protein". But a greater percentage of these benefits are on the wellness/longevity side. For the weight loss side of the equation, healthy foods are important, but NOT all the time, and especially not if trying to eat them 24/7 is going to throw us off our diet.

You see, by trying to combine "weight loss" and "wellness/longevity/everything else" 100% of the time, we're cooking up a recipe for guaranteed failure, in addition to stress, misery, tons of confusion, and an alarming, rapidly growing condition known as orthorexia nervosa (obsessive dieting practices, especially in regards to eliminating certain foods or food groups completely).

And in my honest, but accurate, opinion, it's this "all or nothing" approach to weight loss (egged on by media nonsense) that is quickly destroying the American population, and making us heavier and sicker than ever before.

It's even more pressing because by going "all or nothing" and being more likely to fail, we stay overweight and don't receive the plethora of other benefits associated with weight loss.

By "other benefits", I'm referring to the fact that a shockingly large percentage of health problems get better or disappear completely with weight loss.

Obesity is the direct or indirect cause of almost all major modern diseases (including heart disease, diabetes, some cancers, Alzheimer's, chronic pain, osteoarthritis, high blood pressure, stroke, etc.)

Knowing this is a blessing in disguise. Before worrying ourselves to death over diseases that we have, or may have one day, we now know exactly where we need to focus our efforts.

Weight loss is the #1 goal. All the positive internal and external changes due to the weight loss will travel further down the chain and likely reduce the risk of most other diseases.

And this weight loss can be accomplished by eating well 80-85% of the time and having "cheat" foods the rest of the time.

In doing this, we reap the majority of health benefits from eating clean, healthy foods to nourish our body and mind AND we lose weight AND we still feel satisfied with occasional indulgences in our favorite foods.

On a personal note, I watched the "weight loss = much more than just weight loss" dynamic unfold right in front of me.

I had always thought my chronic shoulder bursitis and debilitating lower back pain would need surgery or "years of physical therapy" (the latter of which I did, for 5 years, only to see zero progress). I literally thought it would never improve, and I had all but given up on it.

This all changed after I lost about 40 pounds (of my total 76 pounds) and inadvertently took a huge strain off my body and mind.

This tremendous decrease in pressure on my joints, coupled with proper nutrition, a few supplements and some activity ended up doing MUCH more than just making me look and feel better. It actually got rid of my chronic shoulder and back pain, which gave me a whole new lease on life. (On a deeper note: I had suffered from years of chronic depression, anxiety, and poor self-esteem, which had seemed insurmountable in the past. I realized later on that a lot of this had to do with my poor self-image via obesity from a young age. This literally disappeared once I got in shape and started taking better care of myself.)

So, if you're suffering from any sort of anxiety, depression, or self-esteem issues, sit tight because in my experience, weight loss affects MUCH more than just how you look in the mirror.

In any case, now that we've started to rip apart some myths about weight loss, let's talk about the factors that run the show.

It essentially comes down to lifestyle choices (which, for beginners should be very taken slowly and easily. More on this later.)

Specifically, it boils down to the "Big Three of Weight Loss":

#1: Smart Nutrition

#2: Natural Movement

#3: Stress and Toxin Management

Now that's all simple in theory right?

Eat healthy, exercise, and don't smoke, right?

Well...sorta. It's unfortunately not that simple.

You see, for starters, our beliefs around real "nutrition" and eating "right" are completely fed up, for lack of a better phrase.

Instead of studying the lifestyle habits of people who've "done it right" for thousands of years (while staying free from obesity and illness)...what do we do?

Well, we (i.e. most Western societies) follow the advice of big corporations, mass media, and uninformed doctors. Most of whom, mind you, have a financial stake in recommending certain nutrition methods and medicines to us.

And with all our advances in modern science, we're still ending up with uncontrollable obesity, early death, and major illnesses, some of which include:

Cancers

Heart Disease

Alzheimer's

Parkinson's

ADD and ADHD

Diabetes

We're stuck with these horrific diseases, while many societies have NEVER even *heard* of them. (Remember how some cultures don't even have a word for "cancer" in their vocabulary?)

----

When I was starting out (75+ pounds heavier than I am today), I had NO idea how to eat right. I was completely lost amidst different advice coming from every other website, blog, or magazine article.

And you know what? It sucked! I didn't know what was right for me, and I kept going from plan to plan...NEVER seeing any real progress.

Even worse, I hated myself for it.

I saw people all around me, in good shape, or I saw people losing weight easily, and I was sick to my stomach. I did what was supposed to be right but just couldn't get it. And it left me thinking that I just wasn't "good enough" to be skinny too.

It was far from a happy existence, to say the least.

Have you ever felt that way? Doing everything "right" but then beating yourself up for not seeing results?

Thankfully, this all changed when I stumbled upon the amazing secret of "real food" nutrition (and the traditional cultures who'd been following it).

The best part? It helped me finally cut through the "fog" and B.S. that everyone and their mother yaps about.

Let's get into it.

 Interested in losing weight? Then click below to see the exact steps I took to lose weight and keep it off for good...

Read the previous article about "How I Lost Weight By Not Following The Mainstream Media And Health Guru's Advice - Why The Health Industry Is Broken And How We Can Fix It"

Read the next article about "The Dangers of Low-Carb and Other "No Calorie Counting" Diets"

Moving forward, there are several other articles/topics I'll share so you can lose weight even faster and feel great doing it.

Below is a list of these topics and you can use this Table of Contents to jump to the part that interests you the most.

Topic 1: How I Lost 30 Pounds In 90 Days - And How You Can Too

Topic 2: How I Lost Weight By Not Following The Mainstream Media And Health Guru's Advice - Why The Health Industry Is Broken And How We Can Fix It

Topic 3: The #1 Ridiculous Diet Myth Pushed By 95% Of Doctors And "experts" That Is Keeping You From The Body Of Your Dreams

Topic 4: The Dangers of Low-Carb and Other "No Calorie Counting" Diets

Topic 5: Why Red Meat May Be Good For You And Eggs Won't Kill You

Topic 6: Two Critical Hormones That Are Quietly Making Americans Sicker and Heavier Than Ever Before

Topic 7: Everything Popular Is Wrong: The Real Key To Long-Term Weight Loss

Topic 8: Why That New Miracle Diet Isn't So Much of a Miracle After All (And Why You're Guaranteed To Hate Yourself On It Sooner or Later)

Topic 9: A Nutrition Crash Course To Build A Healthy Body and Happy Mind

Topic 10: How Much You Really Need To Eat For Steady Fat Loss (The Truth About Calories and Macronutrients)

Topic 11: The Easy Way To Determining Your Calorie Intake

Topic 12: Calculating A Weight Loss Deficit

Topic 13: How To Determine Your Optimal "Macros" (And How The Skinny On The 3-Phase Extreme Fat Loss Formula)

Topic 14: Two Dangerous "Invisible Thorn" Foods Masquerading as "Heart Healthy Super Nutrients"

Topic 15: The Truth About Whole Grains And Beans: What Traditional Cultures Know About These So-called "Healthy Foods" That Most Americans Don't

Topic 16: The Inflammation-Reducing, Immune-Fortifying Secret of All Long-Living Cultures (This 3-Step Process Can Reduce Chronic Pain and Heal Your Gut in Less Than 24 Hours)

Topic 17: The Foolproof Immune-enhancing Plan That Cleanses And Purifies Your Body, While "patching Up" Holes, Gaps, And Inefficiencies In Your Digestive System (And How To Do It Without Wasting $10+ Per "meal" On Ridiculous Juice Cleanses)

Topic 18: The Great Soy Myth (and The Truth About Soy in Eastern Asia)

Topic 19: How Chemicals In Food Make Us Fat (Plus 10 Banned Chemicals Still in the U.S. Food Supply)

Topic 20: 10 Banned Chemicals Still in the U.S. Food Supply

Topic 21: How To Protect Yourself Against Chronic Inflammation (What Time Magazine Calls A "Secret Killer")

Topic 22: The Truth About Buying Organic: Secrets The Health Food Industry Doesn't Want You To Know

Topic 23: Choosing High Quality Foods

Topic 24: A Recipe For Rapid Aging: The "Hidden" Compounds Stealing Your Youth, Minute by Minute

Topic 25: 7 Steps To Reduce AGEs and Slow Aging

Topic 26: The 10-second Trick That Can Slash Your Risk Of Cardiovascular Mortality By 37% (Most Traditional Cultures Have Done This For Centuries, But The Pharmaceutical Industry Would Be Up In Arms If More Modern-day Americans Knew About It)

Topic 27: How To Clean Up Your Liver and Vital Organs

Topic 28: The Simple Detox 'Cheat Sheet': How To Easily and Properly Cleanse, Nourish, and Rid Your Body of Dangerous Toxins (and Build a Lean Well-Oiled "Machine" in the Process)

Topic 29: How To Deal With the "Stress Hormone" Before It Deals With You

Topic 30: 7 Common Sense Ways to Have Uncommon Peace of Mind (or How To Stop Your "Stress Hormone" In Its Tracks)

Topic 31: How To Sleep Like A Baby (And Wake Up Feeling Like A Boss)

Topic 32: The 8-step Formula That Finally "fixes" Years Of Poor Sleep, Including Trouble Falling Asleep, Staying Asleep, And Waking Up Rested (If You Ever Find Yourself Hitting The Snooze Every Morning Or Dozing Off At Work, These Steps Will Change Your Life Forever)

Topic 33: For Even Better Leg Up And/or See Faster Results In Fixing Years Of Poor Sleep, Including Trouble Falling Asleep, Staying Asleep, And Waking Up Rested, Do The Following:

Topic 34: Solution To Overcoming Your Mental Barriers and Cultivating A Winner's Mentality

Topic 35: Part 1 of 4: Solution To Overcoming Your Mental Barriers and Cultivating A Winner's Mentality

Topic 36: Part 2 of 4: Solution To Overcoming Your Mental Barriers and Cultivating A Winner's Mentality

Topic 37: Part 3 of 4: Solution To Overcoming Your Mental Barriers and Cultivating A Winner's Mentality

Topic 38: Part 4 of 4: Solution To Overcoming Your Mental Barriers and Cultivating A Winner's Mentality

Topic 39: How To Beat Your Mental Roadblocks And Why It Can Be The Difference Between A Happy, Satisfying Life And A Sad, Fearful Existence (These Strategies Will Reduce Stress, Increase Productivity And Show You How To Fulfill All Your Dreams)

Topic 40: Maximum Fat Loss in Minimum Time: The Body Type Solution To Quick, Lasting Results

Topic 41: If You Want Maximum Results In Minimum Time You're Going To Have To Work Out (And Workout Hard, At That)

Topic 42: Food Planning For Maximum Fat Loss In Minimum Time

Topic 43: How To Lose Weight Fast If You're in Chronic Pain

Topic 44: Nutrition Basics for Fast Pain Relief (and Weight Loss)

Topic 45: How To Track Results (And Not Fall Into the Trap That Ruins 95% of Well-Thought Out Diets)

Topic 46: Advanced Fat Loss - Calorie Cycling, Carb Cycling and Intermittent Fasting

Topic 47: Advanced Fat Loss - Part I: Calorie Cycling

Topic 48: Advanced Fat Loss - Part II: Carb Cycling

Topic 49: Advanced Fat Loss - Part III: Intermittent Fasting

Topic 50: Putting It All Together

Learn more by visiting our website here: invigoratenow.com

[deepdarkwaters]

2016 WRITING YEAR REVIEW

@notbrogues tagged me!

Total Number of Stories Completed: 24 complete (although a bunch of these are just separate bits of the Bespoke universe), and 6 lingering WIPs.

Total Word Count: 133875, goddamn :O

Fandoms Written In: Code Name Verity - Elizabeth Wein Killers Kill; Dead Men Die - Annie Leibovitz Kingsman Night Watch - Sarah Waters RED The Carnival Is Over - The Seekers The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett Velvet Goldmine

Mostly Kingsman, the others were all for exchanges. I can only seem to focus on one main fandom at a time.

Looking Back, Did You Expect To Write More Fic Than You Thought You Would This Year, Less, Or About What You’d Expected? Less... I had all these plans to write less fic and more original stuff fpr publishing but NOPE I am helpless in fandom's iron grip.

What's Your Own Favorite Story Of The Year? I'm very fond of Ballerino... I highly recommend writing the most self-indulgent swoony trash your heart wants, because it's the most fun ever AND I think when you're gleefully enthusiastic about something then other people have fun with it as well.

Did You Take Any Writing Risks This Year? Bespoke, maybe...? I've been super passionate about OT3s before (received loads of Butch/Sundance/Etta treasure in fic exchanges, for example), but never really been invested on the writing side. It's a fascinating one to figure out.

But Smaychel is the best writing partner imaginable, so in that way it's not really a risk at all :-)

Do You Have Any Fanfic Or Profic Goals For The New Year? F I N I S H   M Y   W I P S I am so sorry I am the worst. I was so adamant on getting everything complete by the end of the year but it just didn't happen. Too many pretty ideas, never enough time! WIPs are the priority. I've got a stack of original short stories and another novel to finish as well, but honestly I'm just having way too much fun with fanfic to prioritise them (and nobody reads original stuff anyway).

Best Story Of The Year? Is this a different question to Favourite Story?

Most Popular Story Of The Year? Ballerino is my most popular story ever in any fandom in about eighteen years of posting fic, so... thank you?!

Story of Mine Most Under-appreciated By The Universe, IMO: This fandom does appreciation like no other :-) There’s always going to be smaller ships like Roxy/Merlin that fewer people are interested in but that’s cool, you know going into it that there won’t be as many readers for that stuff as for Harry/Eggsy.

Most Fun Story To Write: Ballerino probably because it's just everything I love thrown at a page. Fight scenes!!! White tie formalwear!!! Undressing people in white tie formalwear!!! Ballet!!! Bottom Harry!!! Phone sex!!! Kingsman agents’ banter!!! Gross old stalker licking the sweat off his victim!!!

Story With The Single Sexiest Moment: Viewer Discretion Is Advised (aka the Bespoke fic where Harry and Eggsy finally get together while Merlin instructs) was an interesting one. I was trying to challenge myself to write something smokin hot without it being about dicks, and it turned out to be one of my favourite things I've ever written mainly for this scene:

"Pick a place," Merlin tells him, "anywhere you like, but don't touch him."

Through Harry's glasses feed, Merlin sees Eggsy's eyes moving and knows exactly what he's seeing: scars on golden skin; soft ridges of retrained muscle; the glorious way Harry flushes when he knows he's about to get what he wants. "Here?" Eggsy asks, soft and uncertain. Merlin watches the boy's shaking fingertips hover an inch or two above Harry's collarbone.

"Very good." Merlin hears a quick intake of breath at that, a shaky exhale, and drops his voice to a low murmur just to see what happens. "Good boy, Eggsy."

"Fuck," Eggsy mutters, "oh my god, fuck," and stares straight at Harry, at Merlin through Harry. "Okay, what now?"

"Nothing," Merlin tells him, and watches Eggsy's eyebrows flicker in confusion. "Pick another place."

"Here?" Eggsy checks, sliding a little way down the bed to kneel between Harry's sprawled legs, pointing at the place just above his navel.

"Good choice." Eggsy looks vaguely disappointed at that; must have been hoping for a word other than 'choice'. Tease, Harry finger-spells at Merlin. "But don't touch him."

The camera feed dips when Eggsy nods his head. Merlin watches his fingers trace the line of soft hair leading down to Harry's pyjama trousers, never actually making contact. Eggsy's got his lower lip caught between his teeth as though he's concentrating, hand moving lower and hovering a hair's breadth above where Harry's cock is heavy, half-hard, wearing the taut silk of his pyjamas like a second skin.

"Hands up, Eggsy. Harry, turn over for me."

He watches Harry move in quarter turns, first onto his side and then stretching out languidly on his front like a spoiled cat begging to be petted. Not too far away from the truth, really.

"Pick another place."

"Here," Eggsy says immediately, gesturing to the dimples at the bottom of Harry's spine. His whole hand rests there for a moment, a centimetre of space between his skin and Harry's, then he lifts his wrist and starts drawing gentle little swirling patterns in the air with one single fingertip. "Fuck, I know it's probably in my head but I swear I can feel how warm he is from here."

Harry makes a soft little stunned sound at that, pressing his face into the pillow. Merlin knows how much it costs him not to lurch up into this kind of almost-touch; the time he kept it up for the entire length of The Fellowship of the Ring, Harry naked and draped across his lap on the sofa, Harry was begging by Rivendell and outright sobbing by Lothlórien, and came crying when Merlin finally ran a fingertip down his spine at the credits.

"You're doing beautifully. Both of you.

"Fuck," Eggsy murmurs again, sounding fascinated by the writhe and twist of Harry's back as he slowly starts to lose his mind.

It's almost half an hour before Harry finally says please.

"Don't touch him," Merlin says softly. Eggsy hesitates with his fingertips drawing spirals in the air just above Harry's scapula, head tilted slightly to one side as though he's waiting for more. "You mustn't let him have anything the first time he asks for it. Give him an inch and he'll take a mile, goes the saying."

"Yeah, I got six inches I wanna give him," Eggsy says with his mouth right by Harry's ear, and Merlin downs his entire drink in one shaky swallow.

"What do you think about that, Harry?"

"Please." His voice is muffled in the pillow, screen dark where his glasses are pressed there, until Merlin tells him to turn his head and speak nicely. "Please," he says again, clearer but devastatingly quiet, imploring gaze fixed on Eggsy's eyes so Merlin can see the fluttery way he's blinking and the pretty pink flush in his cheeks.

"Stay still for me," he says, and Harry freezes, silent and barely seeming to breathe. "Eggsy – touch him. One fingertip, stroke him as gentle as you can. Watch what happens."

The glasses camera refocuses automatically when Eggsy leans in, filling the screen with Harry's upper back and shoulders – the glimmer of sweat, every pore and freckle, every scar from old gunshot wounds to the ghost marks of Merlin's favourite flogger. When Eggsy touches him, forefinger dragging a lingering line from the nape of Harry's neck to a spot between his shoulder blades, Merlin can see in perfect high definition the sudden thrilling rush of goosebumps bursting up and marring the beloved skin just below his damp hair.

"Oh," Eggsy says softly, inflected like he's just found god.

"That is why we say no to him."

Most Sweet Story: I suppose Harry babysitting Daisy and letting her draw tattoos on his arms in Sleeping Beauty?

"Holy Crap, That's Wrong, Even For You!" Story: I don't do wrong! Even the BDSM kinky pain shit is as fluffy as candyfloss. I usually quite like a bit of fucked up angst but it just doesn’t do it for me in this fandom, at least not when I’m writing. I just want everyone to be happy and kiss lots (and gangbang Harry until he’s done).

Making Harry a seven foot tall god with fuckin massive antlers and galaxies for eyes was a bit odd, maybe :P

Story That Shifted My Own Perceptions Of The Characters: This sort of demisexual voyeur Merlin in Bespoke was Smaychel's creation really. We just talked endlessly about these guys for weeks on end before they ever made it into any fic, and somehow he's become so comfortable for me to write even though we're nothing alike. I didn't realise until months into posting that most of the stuff I write for that series is Merlin POV.

Most Unintentionally Telling Story: I don't know about unintentional, I'm pretty open about the extremely specific indulgent crap I love to write :P

Hardest Story To Write: I'm dragging my feet a bit on Echoes of Dreamland (the one about Harry and Merlin as posh schoolboys) because it's taking me closer to the Flame Keepers series being OVER and that makes me sad! My very first offering to this glorious fandom. Need to finish this, then there'll be a sequel to the Roxy/Merlin Little Sparks thing and a final small Harry & Merlin epilogue, then I think it's done. (Unless I actually give in to the temptation to finally write a Kingsman origins story with some of the Flame Keepers retired agents OCs, but not sure anybody wants to read basically original fic.)

Biggest Disappointment: MY WIP SHAME. Terrible.

Biggest Surprise: Every time someone says "so I really didn't like bottom Harry but fuck you for making me love it" my heart grows seven times bigger.

[sarahzlukeuk]

23 Tips to Hate Your Way to Fitness

Would you prefer to listen to this article? Use the player below, or you can listen to it on iTunes.

When I was a kid and my Dad asked how much peanut butter I wanted on my sandwich, the answer was always, “A lot!” The first bite would cling to the roof of my mouth thanks to the thick smear of roasted, peanutty goodness. I’d take a quick sip of cold milk to wash it down, then go in for the next tasty mouthful.

This article is like that delicious sandwich—only instead of peanut butter, there’s a hefty filling of sarcasm so thick that globs drip off the back as you sink your teeth into the first bite. (Enjoy, and perhaps keep a glass of milk nearby to help it go down.)

Cue the overly enthusiastic infomercial voice:

Disliking your body has never been easier! Follow one, or all, of these twenty-three simple fitness tips, and you’ll be sure to fight against your body for the remainder of your life while experiencing chronic dissatisfaction along the way.

1. Ping-pong endlessly between the extremes of doing it all or doing nothing.

Flexibility, enjoyment, and moderation are for fools. We know it’s about going all in, or not even trying until you can go all in. If it seems like lunacy, ignore your feelings. Being a slave to your regimen is the only way to make fitness worthwhile.

Say, for example, that your “blast the fat away” workout program has you visiting the gym four times per week. But your work schedule has unexpectedly become chaotic, making that gym routine impossible. During this busy time, you could still go to the gym twice per week. But what’s the point? If you can’t do exactly what your program requires, you might as well not do a thing. Instead of getting in workouts where you can, you’re better off just sitting on the couch until things calm down enough for you to start over and “go all in.” (At least until chaos ensues once more—then you’re back to doing jack squat).

Say you “slip up” on your diet and eat a freshly baked, ooey-gooey chocolate chip cookie. Yep, that’s a screw-up—you just blew your entire diet with a single tasty treat. Eating that single cookie is a fully valid reason to eat seventeen more, and then follow it up with more less-than-ideal food choices, until you’re ready to eat “perfectly” once more.

Either you’re going to abstain from every treat and never miss a workout, or you should just quit and not do a damn thing until you can go “all in.” When it comes to health and fitness, it’s perfection, or nothing.

2. Your happiness and self-worth are directly proportional to your weight, body fat percentage, body shape, and ability to achieve specific outcomes.

It doesn’t matter that it’s the twenty-first century—you’re a woman, and that means how you look is still the most important thing about you. Happiness and self-worth are limited by arbitrary factors like the number on the scale or the sculpted perfection of your backside. Regardless of whether you’re a good person, wife, mother, friend, sister, employee, business owner, or any other role you fulfill, if you don’t look a certain way or attain the “proper” body weight, your effort and accomplishments are all for nothing.

3. Forget about building a body for yourself. What matters most is building a body for the sake of impressing other people.

Can you believe some people use fitness to build a body that serves them; a body that feels good to occupy? Fitness isn’t about what you want or think about your body. It’s about what other people think about your body.

Closely monitor the number of “Likes” you’ve received for your latest perfectly posed, optimally lit, flaw-concealing filtered selfie. This, after all, is why you eat well and work out: for the approval and admiration of other people. If a bunch of horny teenage boys follow your posts and request “more skin!” then be sure to indulge their cravings. Never under-value the acceptance and approval of total strangers.

Likewise, if someone makes a negative, cruel remark about your body, you should definitely give a damn. Remember, other people’s opinions about your body matter—the good but especially the bad. Absorb their remarks—let them seep into your bones and penetrate your soul—and keep striving for ways to please them, particularly those who feel it’s their duty to share negative opinions.

Remember, both those who Like and Dislike your photos are doing you a favor. I mean, how else would you know how to feel about your body unless these people were kind enough to divulge their valuable opinion? Like clay in an artist’s hands, so should your body be to the opinions of friends, family, and strangers alike.

So what if you’re internally miserable? You can overcompensate by chronically seeking external validation from others.

4. When you reach a goal, don’t be satisfied with your accomplishment—you can always be leaner, smaller, stronger, prettier, perkier.

No time to celebrate what you achieved—as soon as you hit a fitness milestone, move on to the next goal. So what if you performed your first unassisted chin-up, or deadlifted one-and-a-half times your body weight, or looked in the mirror and saw muscle definition for the first time ever? There’s no time to celebrate these accomplishments or to savor your hard-earned victories. Look to the next goal that will really take your body or strength to the next level.

And when you attain that goal, same thing—don’t stop to celebrate. Immediately look for the next thing to make you a better woman. (Hint: it usually involves fixing a flaw, whittling away some other part of your body, or getting a muscle to “pop” just a bit more.)

Yes, always working toward the next training goal or new body part to improve means you’ll be chronically dissatisfied with your body and performance. But so be it. This is just part of what it means to be a woman. You can never be satisfied with your body. You must always chase the elusive state of perfection.

5. Always take health advice from celebrities.

My doctor may have a medical degree, along with years of experience practicing and studying research and medicine, but Gwyneth Paltrow says I should steam my genitalia and stick egg-shaped rocks up in there. I mean, surely GP knows exactly what she’s talking about and can be trusted despite her lack of formal medical education when it comes to all things vagina.

An innocent Easter egg hunt or nourishing breakfast may pop into your mind when you see eggs, but the company Goop saw a shape that a piece of jade could be molded into, and then decided women should insert them in their vaginas.

Wealthy, perfect-looking celebrities must certainly know what they’re talking about when it comes to health, fitness, and what to insert in one’s nether regions. Despite some of their products costing hundreds of dollars, not to mention being refuted by scientific data, gynecologists, and prestigious medical groups, we know we can trust them. After all, they are willing to share information that medical professionals refuse to tell us; they clearly have our best interest at heart.

6. Always be dieting.

This one’s easy. You’re a woman, so you’re obligated to a lifestyle of dieting. You can’t simply eat—you must watch what you eat. Even if what you’re doing is “working”—properly fueling your workouts and producing the body composition changes you desire —you should always scan magazines, books, and headlines for the latest tips, tricks, and secrets to help you diet more successfully. Scrutinize every bite of food by the criteria of whether it’ll help you lose body fat.

7. Don’t conclude a workout until you’re exhausted.

The closer you are to puking your guts out, the better. If you’re not fatigued, sweating profusely, or waddling to the designated barf bucket after every workout, then you wasted your damn time. Completing a workout feeling accomplished, strong, and even energized? That’s a devastating waste of effort. So what if you improved your performance, set a new personal record, or feel amazing? The only thing that matters is working yourself into a sweaty, depleted heap. That’s how you know you did enough.

Moving your body shouldn’t be enjoyable, serve a greater purpose beyond aesthetics, or be its own reward. It’s punishment for having fat on your body, and for eating food.

8. Each passing year, dread your increasing age.

It doesn’t matter that age is a normal chronology of every living creature, a byproduct of not dying. You’re a woman, and that means you should feel terrible about that increasing number. Lie about it, hide it, or jokingly say it’s your twenty-ninth birthday with each passing year. Heaven forbid you see your age as a number that reveals your experience, knowledge, and longevity.

9. Spend heaps of your hard-earned money on supplements.

You know a pill is mandatory for success if the trainer at the gym swears by its magical power. Isn’t it lucky for you that he just happens to sell them? The fact that he makes a hefty commission off those supplements can’t be influencing his recommendation in the slightest.

Who cares if the pricey supplements have zero proof to back up their hyperbolic claims? Surely someone who received a personal training certification online last weekend knows what he’s talking about. I mean, just look at his biceps!

Disregard the fact that the few supplements scientifically proven to be effective are quite cheap (e.g., creatine monohydrate). What reason could a health company have to lie to you? Or, for that matter, use Photoshopped before-and-after pictures to peddle an unregulated product? If anything, the fact that those magical fat burners are so expensive is proof that they will produce the incredible results they promise.

10. Embrace the magical power of detoxes and cleanses, because your liver and kidneys clearly aren’t doing their job fast enough.

Have no fear! You can eat and drink with reckless abandon all you want, because the next glassful of the magical detoxifying elixir will flush it all away. Down the hatch!

Why would you simply want to eat mostly real, minimally processed foods, get plenty of sleep, stay hydrated, and be physically active, when you can slurp down a cayenne pepper/apple cider vinegar/maple syrup/leprechaun fart cocktail that has zero research to back up its claims of flushing harmful toxins from your body while healing every imaginable disease…and melting stubborn body fat?

And for extra measure, let’s not forget the vagina-gourd cleanse! Someone on Facebook said you should stick one up there to “cleanse and refresh your yoni.” So what if your vagina cleanses itself? So what if a cucumber is covered in fungi that can damage your vaginal lining and put you at increased risk of disease? All your friends are chatting away on Facebook about how magical and life changing and rejuvenating these cleanses are; you don’t want to be left out, and anyway, Facebook is the best place to get advice about what to do with your vagina, and vegetables.

Salad? No, thank you. This is for my vagina. I saw a meme on Facebook, so, I know this is legit and trustworthy, even though dozens of doctors are speaking out against this.

11. Don’t concern yourself with silly goals like being a woman of integrity and action. Your value is definitely not about your personality or character. (See #2.)

As a woman, the only goal you should strive toward is making sure your body is as close to perfect as possible. It’s about the superficial, not the substantive. Yeah, so what if we already covered this one? It bears repeating because how you look still matters more than who you are or what you do. Don’t expect this cultural mindset to change, and definitely don’t speak up against it. It will always be this way, so get used to it.

12. Actively label parts of your body as “flaws.”

You’re a woman, which means you’re not entitled to love your body. You have lots of flaws that you must loathe and try to fix (or, at the very least, conceal) despite the cost, time commitment, lack of effectiveness and potential side effects of gimmicky products designed to address them.

When not working to fix your flaws, you must bemoan them, publicly and privately. That cellulite on your thighs? Those stretch marks? Be ashamed of that. So what if it’s completely natural and something millions of other women have? We should all be deeply ashamed of our flaws and search for ways to fix them. Lucky for us, there are plenty of marketers willing to share their secret vanishing creams, invasive procedures, and special diets to help us improve.

And if by some chance you do love your body, like only a raging narcissist would, then you better find some part of it to enhance or improve. How dare you think it’s possible to be satisfied with your body?

13. Ask for permission to enjoy your favorite foods.

If you’re on a date, order a skimpy salad, lest you look as though you enjoy eating. Appearances are important, and it should look like your preferred foods resemble the eating habits of a rabbit. Instead, give every indication that you subsist on tepid water and salad. If you must, you can eat a real meal once you’re safely home alone, where no one can see you.

14. For goodness’ sake, when you break the previous rule—because you will—and eat something substantial, make sure you’ve earned the right to do so.

You better have performed a grueling, fat-torching workout earlier in the day. If you didn’t earn that food, then by golly you’d better work it off as soon as possible. You can’t just have a cookie because you want a cookie. You must earn that cookie ahead of time, and then burn it off later, chanting the “you ate it, now negate it” motto as you climb onto the stair-master.

15. Constantly compare your body to other women.

Fitness professionals. Celebrities. Award-winning athletes. Instagram models who take fifty-seven different photos before they get the perfect one to post for all the world to see. These should absolutely be your measuring stick for success. And definitely listen to women who spout motivational phrases like, “I have twelve kids, two full-time jobs, and a perfectly sculpted six-pack. What’s your excuse?”

We can’t be trusted to decide for ourselves what’s important to us, so we must always compare ourselves to every woman we admire. Feeling super shitty about yourself is the surest way to get motivated.

16. Always follow the pack, even if it makes you miserable.

What you enjoy doesn’t matter. If everyone you know is suddenly competing in powerlifting, you need to work out that way too. Yes, even if you hate it. If everyone is doing metabolic workouts that leave you dry-heaving into your gym bag on the car ride home, but you’d prefer to just pull some heavy deadlifts, tough tater-tots. If everyone is chanting about how boring cardio is, but running a few miles is your favorite way to wind down after work, you’d be advised not to do it. (Don’t let anyone catch you doing it, anyway.)

There’s nothing more rewarding than casting your desires to the side and blindly following others without any consideration of whether you even like that activity.

17. Make sure to complicate your approach to health and fitness as much as possible.

If you don’t rely on hardware, spreadsheets, and fancy apps to keep your health and fitness habits on track, you can be sure you’re doing it wrong.

Eating real food most of the time, getting plenty of protein, making sleep a priority, and managing stress? Right—as though something as complex as health and fitness could be minimized to those simple basics.

18. Turn the way you eat and work out into a cult-like identity.

You don’t “just” eat and work out a certain way—those activities define you. They’re not part of your life; they are your life. Make sure everyone knows that you define yourself by your diet and workout style.

Disregard the poor souls who use eating well and working out as a tool to enhance their life, instead of revolving their life around the one-true way that you’ve discovered. It’s a given that the food you put in your mouth and the workouts you perform increase your moral superiority over all others who don’t follow the same approach. If someone doesn’t adopt your exact health and fitness philosophy, they must be shunned.

19. Always strive to obtain the latest “it” body part.

Back dimples. A thigh gap. Ab cracks. Voluptuous curves. Whatever pops up next as the most desirable trait to flaunt, you’d better do your best to attain it. After all, if there’s one thing we know about beauty, it’s that beauty is defined by a single physical trait. Doesn’t matter that women come in various shapes and sizes and have different preferences. Do your best to cram your body into the one-size-fits-all mold.

20. Remember, the only goal you can have is fat loss.

You’re a woman, and that means the only health and fitness goal you can have is losing fat, dropping a few pant sizes, or whittling away parts of your body. Sure, choosing to focus on making the weight on the barbell go up instead of the number on the scale go down is fun and empowering, but fat loss is all that matters. Every action in the kitchen and gym must be made with this critical fact in mind.

21. Embrace dichotomous food labels.

“Good” and “bad” foods are a strong way to start. “Clean” and “dirty” are acceptable, too. But hell, don’t stop there! Select some “forbidden” foods to avoid at all costs, so that when you do slip up and eat them, you can be riddled with guilt and shame!

Food isn’t just food. It’s a value system for measuring our self-worth. Never lose sight of the fact that what we eat has the power to make us superior, or inferior.

22. When you overindulge or miss a workout, self-flagellation is the only appropriate response.

Remember what we addressed earlier regarding perfection? Well, when you fall short of perfection, you must beat yourself up. (Self-compassion is overrated.) When you make less-than-ideal food choices or miss a workout, make sure you tell yourself repeatedly how much you suck, how hard you failed, and how you’ll never be able to stick with a program. Really go the extra step to reinforce the belief that you’ll never be good enough—this negative self-talk has always worked for you and everyone else who has done it.

Nothing and no one is perfect, but despite that fact, we must still demand absolute perfection from ourselves at all costs and respond harshly when we fail.

23. Never be sarcastic in the way you talk about health and fitness.

It’s a lazy way of expressing your opinions and experiences. Not to mention appalling, unhelpful, and very unladylike.

Okay, then—that’s enough sarcasm for one article.

It’s Time for a Change

Undoubtedly when you read the title of this article, you wondered, “Why would anyone want to hate their body?” No one starts eating well and working out with the goal of disliking their body, or themselves.

So here’s the better question:

Why does much of the health and fitness world cause us to dislike our bodies?

Perhaps more importantly, why do we put up with it?

We shouldn’t. And if you have been, you can choose to stop. You can choose to take a different health and fitness path. Instead of a path defined by obsessive eating and exercise habits that dominates your life and makes you feel terrible about yourself, you can choose an empowering, enjoyable, sustainable approach that makes you feel great from the first day you start. You can choose a path that truly makes you happy as well as healthy.

If you’ve had it up to HERE with the nonsense that permeates the health and fitness world, and want a plan that’s sustainable, enjoyable, and empowering, then grab a copy of my new book Lift Like a Girl. Packed with practical advice on everything from boosting nutrition to combating negative mindset, the book offers step-by-step instructions for starting and building a transformative strength-training practice.

I’m so excited to get Lift Like a Girl in your hands right now, that I’m offering it for just $0.99. (That’s $9 off the shelf price.)

Click here to get your copy now.

The post 23 Tips to Hate Your Way to Fitness appeared first on Nia Shanks.

from Sarah Luke Fitness Updates http://www.niashanks.com/23-tips-hate-way-fitness/

[joelandryus]

23 Tips to Hate Your Way to Fitness

Would you prefer to listen to this article? Use the player below, or you can listen to it on iTunes.

When I was a kid and my Dad asked how much peanut butter I wanted on my sandwich, the answer was always, “A lot!” The first bite would cling to the roof of my mouth thanks to the thick smear of roasted, peanutty goodness. I’d take a quick sip of cold milk to wash it down, then go in for the next tasty mouthful.

This article is like that delicious sandwich—only instead of peanut butter, there’s a hefty filling of sarcasm so thick that globs drip off the back as you sink your teeth into the first bite. (Enjoy, and perhaps keep a glass of milk nearby to help it go down.)

Cue the overly enthusiastic infomercial voice:

Disliking your body has never been easier! Follow one, or all, of these twenty-three simple fitness tips, and you’ll be sure to fight against your body for the remainder of your life while experiencing chronic dissatisfaction along the way.

1. Ping-pong endlessly between the extremes of doing it all or doing nothing.

Flexibility, enjoyment, and moderation are for fools. We know it’s about going all in, or not even trying until you can go all in. If it seems like lunacy, ignore your feelings. Being a slave to your regimen is the only way to make fitness worthwhile.

Say, for example, that your “blast the fat away” workout program has you visiting the gym four times per week. But your work schedule has unexpectedly become chaotic, making that gym routine impossible. During this busy time, you could still go to the gym twice per week. But what’s the point? If you can’t do exactly what your program requires, you might as well not do a thing. Instead of getting in workouts where you can, you’re better off just sitting on the couch until things calm down enough for you to start over and “go all in.” (At least until chaos ensues once more—then you’re back to doing jack squat).

Say you “slip up” on your diet and eat a freshly baked, ooey-gooey chocolate chip cookie. Yep, that’s a screw-up—you just blew your entire diet with a single tasty treat. Eating that single cookie is a fully valid reason to eat seventeen more, and then follow it up with more less-than-ideal food choices, until you’re ready to eat “perfectly” once more.

Either you’re going to abstain from every treat and never miss a workout, or you should just quit and not do a damn thing until you can go “all in.” When it comes to health and fitness, it’s perfection, or nothing.

2. Your happiness and self-worth are directly proportional to your weight, body fat percentage, body shape, and ability to achieve specific outcomes.

It doesn’t matter that it’s the twenty-first century—you’re a woman, and that means how you look is still the most important thing about you. Happiness and self-worth are limited by arbitrary factors like the number on the scale or the sculpted perfection of your backside. Regardless of whether you’re a good person, wife, mother, friend, sister, employee, business owner, or any other role you fulfill, if you don’t look a certain way or attain the “proper” body weight, your effort and accomplishments are all for nothing.

3. Forget about building a body for yourself. What matters most is building a body for the sake of impressing other people.

Can you believe some people use fitness to build a body that serves them; a body that feels good to occupy? Fitness isn’t about what you want or think about your body. It’s about what other people think about your body.

Closely monitor the number of “Likes” you’ve received for your latest perfectly posed, optimally lit, flaw-concealing filtered selfie. This, after all, is why you eat well and work out: for the approval and admiration of other people. If a bunch of horny teenage boys follow your posts and request “more skin!” then be sure to indulge their cravings. Never under-value the acceptance and approval of total strangers.

Likewise, if someone makes a negative, cruel remark about your body, you should definitely give a damn. Remember, other people’s opinions about your body matter—the good but especially the bad. Absorb their remarks—let them seep into your bones and penetrate your soul—and keep striving for ways to please them, particularly those who feel it’s their duty to share negative opinions.

Remember, both those who Like and Dislike your photos are doing you a favor. I mean, how else would you know how to feel about your body unless these people were kind enough to divulge their valuable opinion? Like clay in an artist’s hands, so should your body be to the opinions of friends, family, and strangers alike.

So what if you’re internally miserable? You can overcompensate by chronically seeking external validation from others.

4. When you reach a goal, don’t be satisfied with your accomplishment—you can always be leaner, smaller, stronger, prettier, perkier.

No time to celebrate what you achieved—as soon as you hit a fitness milestone, move on to the next goal. So what if you performed your first unassisted chin-up, or deadlifted one-and-a-half times your body weight, or looked in the mirror and saw muscle definition for the first time ever? There’s no time to celebrate these accomplishments or to savor your hard-earned victories. Look to the next goal that will really take your body or strength to the next level.

And when you attain that goal, same thing—don’t stop to celebrate. Immediately look for the next thing to make you a better woman. (Hint: it usually involves fixing a flaw, whittling away some other part of your body, or getting a muscle to “pop” just a bit more.)

Yes, always working toward the next training goal or new body part to improve means you’ll be chronically dissatisfied with your body and performance. But so be it. This is just part of what it means to be a woman. You can never be satisfied with your body. You must always chase the elusive state of perfection.

5. Always take health advice from celebrities.

My doctor may have a medical degree, along with years of experience practicing and studying research and medicine, but Gwyneth Paltrow says I should steam my genitalia and stick egg-shaped rocks up in there. I mean, surely GP knows exactly what she’s talking about and can be trusted despite her lack of formal medical education when it comes to all things vagina.

An innocent Easter egg hunt or nourishing breakfast may pop into your mind when you see eggs, but the company Goop saw a shape that a piece of jade could be molded into, and then decided women should insert them in their vaginas.

Wealthy, perfect-looking celebrities must certainly know what they’re talking about when it comes to health, fitness, and what to insert in one’s nether regions. Despite some of their products costing hundreds of dollars, not to mention being refuted by scientific data, gynecologists, and prestigious medical groups, we know we can trust them. After all, they are willing to share information that medical professionals refuse to tell us; they clearly have our best interest at heart.

6. Always be dieting.

This one’s easy. You’re a woman, so you’re obligated to a lifestyle of dieting. You can’t simply eat—you must watch what you eat. Even if what you’re doing is “working”—properly fueling your workouts and producing the body composition changes you desire —you should always scan magazines, books, and headlines for the latest tips, tricks, and secrets to help you diet more successfully. Scrutinize every bite of food by the criteria of whether it’ll help you lose body fat.

7. Don’t conclude a workout until you’re exhausted.

The closer you are to puking your guts out, the better. If you’re not fatigued, sweating profusely, or waddling to the designated barf bucket after every workout, then you wasted your damn time. Completing a workout feeling accomplished, strong, and even energized? That’s a devastating waste of effort. So what if you improved your performance, set a new personal record, or feel amazing? The only thing that matters is working yourself into a sweaty, depleted heap. That’s how you know you did enough.

Moving your body shouldn’t be enjoyable, serve a greater purpose beyond aesthetics, or be its own reward. It’s punishment for having fat on your body, and for eating food.

8. Each passing year, dread your increasing age.

It doesn’t matter that age is a normal chronology of every living creature, a byproduct of not dying. You’re a woman, and that means you should feel terrible about that increasing number. Lie about it, hide it, or jokingly say it’s your twenty-ninth birthday with each passing year. Heaven forbid you see your age as a number that reveals your experience, knowledge, and longevity.

9. Spend heaps of your hard-earned money on supplements.

You know a pill is mandatory for success if the trainer at the gym swears by its magical power. Isn’t it lucky for you that he just happens to sell them? The fact that he makes a hefty commission off those supplements can’t be influencing his recommendation in the slightest.

Who cares if the pricey supplements have zero proof to back up their hyperbolic claims? Surely someone who received a personal training certification online last weekend knows what he’s talking about. I mean, just look at his biceps!

Disregard the fact that the few supplements scientifically proven to be effective are quite cheap (e.g., creatine monohydrate). What reason could a health company have to lie to you? Or, for that matter, use Photoshopped before-and-after pictures to peddle an unregulated product? If anything, the fact that those magical fat burners are so expensive is proof that they will produce the incredible results they promise.

10. Embrace the magical power of detoxes and cleanses, because your liver and kidneys clearly aren’t doing their job fast enough.

Have no fear! You can eat and drink with reckless abandon all you want, because the next glassful of the magical detoxifying elixir will flush it all away. Down the hatch!

Why would you simply want to eat mostly real, minimally processed foods, get plenty of sleep, stay hydrated, and be physically active, when you can slurp down a cayenne pepper/apple cider vinegar/maple syrup/leprechaun fart cocktail that has zero research to back up its claims of flushing harmful toxins from your body while healing every imaginable disease…and melting stubborn body fat?

And for extra measure, let’s not forget the vagina-gourd cleanse! Someone on Facebook said you should stick one up there to “cleanse and refresh your yoni.” So what if your vagina cleanses itself? So what if a cucumber is covered in fungi that can damage your vaginal lining and put you at increased risk of disease? All your friends are chatting away on Facebook about how magical and life changing and rejuvenating these cleanses are; you don’t want to be left out, and anyway, Facebook is the best place to get advice about what to do with your vagina, and vegetables.

Salad? No, thank you. This is for my vagina. I saw a meme on Facebook, so, I know this is legit and trustworthy, even though dozens of doctors are speaking out against this.

11. Don’t concern yourself with silly goals like being a woman of integrity and action. Your value is definitely not about your personality or character. (See #2.)

As a woman, the only goal you should strive toward is making sure your body is as close to perfect as possible. It’s about the superficial, not the substantive. Yeah, so what if we already covered this one? It bears repeating because how you look still matters more than who you are or what you do. Don’t expect this cultural mindset to change, and definitely don’t speak up against it. It will always be this way, so get used to it.

12. Actively label parts of your body as “flaws.”

You’re a woman, which means you’re not entitled to love your body. You have lots of flaws that you must loathe and try to fix (or, at the very least, conceal) despite the cost, time commitment, lack of effectiveness and potential side effects of gimmicky products designed to address them.

When not working to fix your flaws, you must bemoan them, publicly and privately. That cellulite on your thighs? Those stretch marks? Be ashamed of that. So what if it’s completely natural and something millions of other women have? We should all be deeply ashamed of our flaws and search for ways to fix them. Lucky for us, there are plenty of marketers willing to share their secret vanishing creams, invasive procedures, and special diets to help us improve.

And if by some chance you do love your body, like only a raging narcissist would, then you better find some part of it to enhance or improve. How dare you think it’s possible to be satisfied with your body?

13. Ask for permission to enjoy your favorite foods.

If you’re on a date, order a skimpy salad, lest you look as though you enjoy eating. Appearances are important, and it should look like your preferred foods resemble the eating habits of a rabbit. Instead, give every indication that you subsist on tepid water and salad. If you must, you can eat a real meal once you’re safely home alone, where no one can see you.

14. For goodness’ sake, when you break the previous rule—because you will—and eat something substantial, make sure you’ve earned the right to do so.

You better have performed a grueling, fat-torching workout earlier in the day. If you didn’t earn that food, then by golly you’d better work it off as soon as possible. You can’t just have a cookie because you want a cookie. You must earn that cookie ahead of time, and then burn it off later, chanting the “you ate it, now negate it” motto as you climb onto the stair-master.

15. Constantly compare your body to other women.

Fitness professionals. Celebrities. Award-winning athletes. Instagram models who take fifty-seven different photos before they get the perfect one to post for all the world to see. These should absolutely be your measuring stick for success. And definitely listen to women who spout motivational phrases like, “I have twelve kids, two full-time jobs, and a perfectly sculpted six-pack. What’s your excuse?”

We can’t be trusted to decide for ourselves what’s important to us, so we must always compare ourselves to every woman we admire. Feeling super shitty about yourself is the surest way to get motivated.

16. Always follow the pack, even if it makes you miserable.

What you enjoy doesn’t matter. If everyone you know is suddenly competing in powerlifting, you need to work out that way too. Yes, even if you hate it. If everyone is doing metabolic workouts that leave you dry-heaving into your gym bag on the car ride home, but you’d prefer to just pull some heavy deadlifts, tough tater-tots. If everyone is chanting about how boring cardio is, but running a few miles is your favorite way to wind down after work, you’d be advised not to do it. (Don’t let anyone catch you doing it, anyway.)

There’s nothing more rewarding than casting your desires to the side and blindly following others without any consideration of whether you even like that activity.

17. Make sure to complicate your approach to health and fitness as much as possible.

If you don’t rely on hardware, spreadsheets, and fancy apps to keep your health and fitness habits on track, you can be sure you’re doing it wrong.

Eating real food most of the time, getting plenty of protein, making sleep a priority, and managing stress? Right—as though something as complex as health and fitness could be minimized to those simple basics.

18. Turn the way you eat and work out into a cult-like identity.

You don’t “just” eat and work out a certain way—those activities define you. They’re not part of your life; they are your life. Make sure everyone knows that you define yourself by your diet and workout style.

Disregard the poor souls who use eating well and working out as a tool to enhance their life, instead of revolving their life around the one-true way that you’ve discovered. It’s a given that the food you put in your mouth and the workouts you perform increase your moral superiority over all others who don’t follow the same approach. If someone doesn’t adopt your exact health and fitness philosophy, they must be shunned.

19. Always strive to obtain the latest “it” body part.

Back dimples. A thigh gap. Ab cracks. Voluptuous curves. Whatever pops up next as the most desirable trait to flaunt, you’d better do your best to attain it. After all, if there’s one thing we know about beauty, it’s that beauty is defined by a single physical trait. Doesn’t matter that women come in various shapes and sizes and have different preferences. Do your best to cram your body into the one-size-fits-all mold.

20. Remember, the only goal you can have is fat loss.

You’re a woman, and that means the only health and fitness goal you can have is losing fat, dropping a few pant sizes, or whittling away parts of your body. Sure, choosing to focus on making the weight on the barbell go up instead of the number on the scale go down is fun and empowering, but fat loss is all that matters. Every action in the kitchen and gym must be made with this critical fact in mind.

21. Embrace dichotomous food labels.

“Good” and “bad” foods are a strong way to start. “Clean” and “dirty” are acceptable, too. But hell, don’t stop there! Select some “forbidden” foods to avoid at all costs, so that when you do slip up and eat them, you can be riddled with guilt and shame!

Food isn’t just food. It’s a value system for measuring our self-worth. Never lose sight of the fact that what we eat has the power to make us superior, or inferior.

22. When you overindulge or miss a workout, self-flagellation is the only appropriate response.

Remember what we addressed earlier regarding perfection? Well, when you fall short of perfection, you must beat yourself up. (Self-compassion is overrated.) When you make less-than-ideal food choices or miss a workout, make sure you tell yourself repeatedly how much you suck, how hard you failed, and how you’ll never be able to stick with a program. Really go the extra step to reinforce the belief that you’ll never be good enough—this negative self-talk has always worked for you and everyone else who has done it.

Nothing and no one is perfect, but despite that fact, we must still demand absolute perfection from ourselves at all costs and respond harshly when we fail.

23. Never be sarcastic in the way you talk about health and fitness.

It’s a lazy way of expressing your opinions and experiences. Not to mention appalling, unhelpful, and very unladylike.

Okay, then—that’s enough sarcasm for one article.

It’s Time for a Change

Undoubtedly when you read the title of this article, you wondered, “Why would anyone want to hate their body?” No one starts eating well and working out with the goal of disliking their body, or themselves.

So here’s the better question:

Why does much of the health and fitness world cause us to dislike our bodies?

Perhaps more importantly, why do we put up with it?

We shouldn’t. And if you have been, you can choose to stop. You can choose to take a different health and fitness path. Instead of a path defined by obsessive eating and exercise habits that dominates your life and makes you feel terrible about yourself, you can choose an empowering, enjoyable, sustainable approach that makes you feel great from the first day you start. You can choose a path that truly makes you happy as well as healthy.

If you’ve had it up to HERE with the nonsense that permeates the health and fitness world, and want a plan that’s sustainable, enjoyable, and empowering, then grab a copy of my new book Lift Like a Girl. Packed with practical advice on everything from boosting nutrition to combating negative mindset, the book offers step-by-step instructions for starting and building a transformative strength-training practice.

I’m so excited to get Lift Like a Girl in your hands right now, that I’m offering it for just $0.99. (That’s $9 off the shelf price.)

Click here to get your copy now.

The post 23 Tips to Hate Your Way to Fitness appeared first on Nia Shanks.

from Sarah Luke Fitness Updates http://www.niashanks.com/23-tips-hate-way-fitness/

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23 Tips to Hate Your Way to Fitness

Would you prefer to listen to this article? Use the player below, or you can listen to it on iTunes.

When I was a kid and my Dad asked how much peanut butter I wanted on my sandwich, the answer was always, “A lot!” The first bite would cling to the roof of my mouth thanks to the thick smear of roasted, peanutty goodness. I’d take a quick sip of cold milk to wash it down, then go in for the next tasty mouthful.

This article is like that delicious sandwich—only instead of peanut butter, there’s a hefty filling of sarcasm so thick that globs drip off the back as you sink your teeth into the first bite. (Enjoy, and perhaps keep a glass of milk nearby to help it go down.)

Cue the overly enthusiastic infomercial voice:

Disliking your body has never been easier! Follow one, or all, of these twenty-three simple fitness tips, and you’ll be sure to fight against your body for the remainder of your life while experiencing chronic dissatisfaction along the way.

1. Ping-pong endlessly between the extremes of doing it all or doing nothing.

Flexibility, enjoyment, and moderation are for fools. We know it’s about going all in, or not even trying until you can go all in. If it seems like lunacy, ignore your feelings. Being a slave to your regimen is the only way to make fitness worthwhile.

Say, for example, that your “blast the fat away” workout program has you visiting the gym four times per week. But your work schedule has unexpectedly become chaotic, making that gym routine impossible. During this busy time, you could still go to the gym twice per week. But what’s the point? If you can’t do exactly what your program requires, you might as well not do a thing. Instead of getting in workouts where you can, you’re better off just sitting on the couch until things calm down enough for you to start over and “go all in.” (At least until chaos ensues once more—then you’re back to doing jack squat).

Say you “slip up” on your diet and eat a freshly baked, ooey-gooey chocolate chip cookie. Yep, that’s a screw-up—you just blew your entire diet with a single tasty treat. Eating that single cookie is a fully valid reason to eat seventeen more, and then follow it up with more less-than-ideal food choices, until you’re ready to eat “perfectly” once more.

Either you’re going to abstain from every treat and never miss a workout, or you should just quit and not do a damn thing until you can go “all in.” When it comes to health and fitness, it’s perfection, or nothing.

2. Your happiness and self-worth are directly proportional to your weight, body fat percentage, body shape, and ability to achieve specific outcomes.

It doesn’t matter that it’s the twenty-first century—you’re a woman, and that means how you look is still the most important thing about you. Happiness and self-worth are limited by arbitrary factors like the number on the scale or the sculpted perfection of your backside. Regardless of whether you’re a good person, wife, mother, friend, sister, employee, business owner, or any other role you fulfill, if you don’t look a certain way or attain the “proper” body weight, your effort and accomplishments are all for nothing.

3. Forget about building a body for yourself. What matters most is building a body for the sake of impressing other people.

Can you believe some people use fitness to build a body that serves them; a body that feels good to occupy? Fitness isn’t about what you want or think about your body. It’s about what other people think about your body.

Closely monitor the number of “Likes” you’ve received for your latest perfectly posed, optimally lit, flaw-concealing filtered selfie. This, after all, is why you eat well and work out: for the approval and admiration of other people. If a bunch of horny teenage boys follow your posts and request “more skin!” then be sure to indulge their cravings. Never under-value the acceptance and approval of total strangers.

Likewise, if someone makes a negative, cruel remark about your body, you should definitely give a damn. Remember, other people’s opinions about your body matter—the good but especially the bad. Absorb their remarks—let them seep into your bones and penetrate your soul—and keep striving for ways to please them, particularly those who feel it’s their duty to share negative opinions.

Remember, both those who Like and Dislike your photos are doing you a favor. I mean, how else would you know how to feel about your body unless these people were kind enough to divulge their valuable opinion? Like clay in an artist’s hands, so should your body be to the opinions of friends, family, and strangers alike.

So what if you’re internally miserable? You can overcompensate by chronically seeking external validation from others.

4. When you reach a goal, don’t be satisfied with your accomplishment—you can always be leaner, smaller, stronger, prettier, perkier.

No time to celebrate what you achieved—as soon as you hit a fitness milestone, move on to the next goal. So what if you performed your first unassisted chin-up, or deadlifted one-and-a-half times your body weight, or looked in the mirror and saw muscle definition for the first time ever? There’s no time to celebrate these accomplishments or to savor your hard-earned victories. Look to the next goal that will really take your body or strength to the next level.

And when you attain that goal, same thing—don’t stop to celebrate. Immediately look for the next thing to make you a better woman. (Hint: it usually involves fixing a flaw, whittling away some other part of your body, or getting a muscle to “pop” just a bit more.)

Yes, always working toward the next training goal or new body part to improve means you’ll be chronically dissatisfied with your body and performance. But so be it. This is just part of what it means to be a woman. You can never be satisfied with your body. You must always chase the elusive state of perfection.

5. Always take health advice from celebrities.

My doctor may have a medical degree, along with years of experience practicing and studying research and medicine, but Gwyneth Paltrow says I should steam my genitalia and stick egg-shaped rocks up in there. I mean, surely GP knows exactly what she’s talking about and can be trusted despite her lack of formal medical education when it comes to all things vagina.

An innocent Easter egg hunt or nourishing breakfast may pop into your mind when you see eggs, but the company Goop saw a shape that a piece of jade could be molded into, and then decided women should insert them in their vaginas.

Wealthy, perfect-looking celebrities must certainly know what they’re talking about when it comes to health, fitness, and what to insert in one’s nether regions. Despite some of their products costing hundreds of dollars, not to mention being refuted by scientific data, gynecologists, and prestigious medical groups, we know we can trust them. After all, they are willing to share information that medical professionals refuse to tell us; they clearly have our best interest at heart.

6. Always be dieting.

This one’s easy. You’re a woman, so you’re obligated to a lifestyle of dieting. You can’t simply eat—you must watch what you eat. Even if what you’re doing is “working”—properly fueling your workouts and producing the body composition changes you desire —you should always scan magazines, books, and headlines for the latest tips, tricks, and secrets to help you diet more successfully. Scrutinize every bite of food by the criteria of whether it’ll help you lose body fat.

7. Don’t conclude a workout until you’re exhausted.

The closer you are to puking your guts out, the better. If you’re not fatigued, sweating profusely, or waddling to the designated barf bucket after every workout, then you wasted your damn time. Completing a workout feeling accomplished, strong, and even energized? That’s a devastating waste of effort. So what if you improved your performance, set a new personal record, or feel amazing? The only thing that matters is working yourself into a sweaty, depleted heap. That’s how you know you did enough.

Moving your body shouldn’t be enjoyable, serve a greater purpose beyond aesthetics, or be its own reward. It’s punishment for having fat on your body, and for eating food.

8. Each passing year, dread your increasing age.

It doesn’t matter that age is a normal chronology of every living creature, a byproduct of not dying. You’re a woman, and that means you should feel terrible about that increasing number. Lie about it, hide it, or jokingly say it’s your twenty-ninth birthday with each passing year. Heaven forbid you see your age as a number that reveals your experience, knowledge, and longevity.

9. Spend heaps of your hard-earned money on supplements.

You know a pill is mandatory for success if the trainer at the gym swears by its magical power. Isn’t it lucky for you that he just happens to sell them? The fact that he makes a hefty commission off those supplements can’t be influencing his recommendation in the slightest.

Who cares if the pricey supplements have zero proof to back up their hyperbolic claims? Surely someone who received a personal training certification online last weekend knows what he’s talking about. I mean, just look at his biceps!

Disregard the fact that the few supplements scientifically proven to be effective are quite cheap (e.g., creatine monohydrate). What reason could a health company have to lie to you? Or, for that matter, use Photoshopped before-and-after pictures to peddle an unregulated product? If anything, the fact that those magical fat burners are so expensive is proof that they will produce the incredible results they promise.

10. Embrace the magical power of detoxes and cleanses, because your liver and kidneys clearly aren’t doing their job fast enough.

Have no fear! You can eat and drink with reckless abandon all you want, because the next glassful of the magical detoxifying elixir will flush it all away. Down the hatch!

Why would you simply want to eat mostly real, minimally processed foods, get plenty of sleep, stay hydrated, and be physically active, when you can slurp down a cayenne pepper/apple cider vinegar/maple syrup/leprechaun fart cocktail that has zero research to back up its claims of flushing harmful toxins from your body while healing every imaginable disease…and melting stubborn body fat?

And for extra measure, let’s not forget the vagina-gourd cleanse! Someone on Facebook said you should stick one up there to “cleanse and refresh your yoni.” So what if your vagina cleanses itself? So what if a cucumber is covered in fungi that can damage your vaginal lining and put you at increased risk of disease? All your friends are chatting away on Facebook about how magical and life changing and rejuvenating these cleanses are; you don’t want to be left out, and anyway, Facebook is the best place to get advice about what to do with your vagina, and vegetables.

Salad? No, thank you. This is for my vagina. I saw a meme on Facebook, so, I know this is legit and trustworthy, even though dozens of doctors are speaking out against this.

11. Don’t concern yourself with silly goals like being a woman of integrity and action. Your value is definitely not about your personality or character. (See #2.)

As a woman, the only goal you should strive toward is making sure your body is as close to perfect as possible. It’s about the superficial, not the substantive. Yeah, so what if we already covered this one? It bears repeating because how you look still matters more than who you are or what you do. Don’t expect this cultural mindset to change, and definitely don’t speak up against it. It will always be this way, so get used to it.

12. Actively label parts of your body as “flaws.”

You’re a woman, which means you’re not entitled to love your body. You have lots of flaws that you must loathe and try to fix (or, at the very least, conceal) despite the cost, time commitment, lack of effectiveness and potential side effects of gimmicky products designed to address them.

When not working to fix your flaws, you must bemoan them, publicly and privately. That cellulite on your thighs? Those stretch marks? Be ashamed of that. So what if it’s completely natural and something millions of other women have? We should all be deeply ashamed of our flaws and search for ways to fix them. Lucky for us, there are plenty of marketers willing to share their secret vanishing creams, invasive procedures, and special diets to help us improve.

And if by some chance you do love your body, like only a raging narcissist would, then you better find some part of it to enhance or improve. How dare you think it’s possible to be satisfied with your body?

13. Ask for permission to enjoy your favorite foods.

If you’re on a date, order a skimpy salad, lest you look as though you enjoy eating. Appearances are important, and it should look like your preferred foods resemble the eating habits of a rabbit. Instead, give every indication that you subsist on tepid water and salad. If you must, you can eat a real meal once you’re safely home alone, where no one can see you.

14. For goodness’ sake, when you break the previous rule—because you will—and eat something substantial, make sure you’ve earned the right to do so.

You better have performed a grueling, fat-torching workout earlier in the day. If you didn’t earn that food, then by golly you’d better work it off as soon as possible. You can’t just have a cookie because you want a cookie. You must earn that cookie ahead of time, and then burn it off later, chanting the “you ate it, now negate it” motto as you climb onto the stair-master.

15. Constantly compare your body to other women.

Fitness professionals. Celebrities. Award-winning athletes. Instagram models who take fifty-seven different photos before they get the perfect one to post for all the world to see. These should absolutely be your measuring stick for success. And definitely listen to women who spout motivational phrases like, “I have twelve kids, two full-time jobs, and a perfectly sculpted six-pack. What’s your excuse?”

We can’t be trusted to decide for ourselves what’s important to us, so we must always compare ourselves to every woman we admire. Feeling super shitty about yourself is the surest way to get motivated.

16. Always follow the pack, even if it makes you miserable.

What you enjoy doesn’t matter. If everyone you know is suddenly competing in powerlifting, you need to work out that way too. Yes, even if you hate it. If everyone is doing metabolic workouts that leave you dry-heaving into your gym bag on the car ride home, but you’d prefer to just pull some heavy deadlifts, tough tater-tots. If everyone is chanting about how boring cardio is, but running a few miles is your favorite way to wind down after work, you’d be advised not to do it. (Don’t let anyone catch you doing it, anyway.)

There’s nothing more rewarding than casting your desires to the side and blindly following others without any consideration of whether you even like that activity.

17. Make sure to complicate your approach to health and fitness as much as possible.

If you don’t rely on hardware, spreadsheets, and fancy apps to keep your health and fitness habits on track, you can be sure you’re doing it wrong.

Eating real food most of the time, getting plenty of protein, making sleep a priority, and managing stress? Right—as though something as complex as health and fitness could be minimized to those simple basics.

18. Turn the way you eat and work out into a cult-like identity.

You don’t “just” eat and work out a certain way—those activities define you. They’re not part of your life; they are your life. Make sure everyone knows that you define yourself by your diet and workout style.

Disregard the poor souls who use eating well and working out as a tool to enhance their life, instead of revolving their life around the one-true way that you’ve discovered. It’s a given that the food you put in your mouth and the workouts you perform increase your moral superiority over all others who don’t follow the same approach. If someone doesn’t adopt your exact health and fitness philosophy, they must be shunned.

19. Always strive to obtain the latest “it” body part.

Back dimples. A thigh gap. Ab cracks. Voluptuous curves. Whatever pops up next as the most desirable trait to flaunt, you’d better do your best to attain it. After all, if there’s one thing we know about beauty, it’s that beauty is defined by a single physical trait. Doesn’t matter that women come in various shapes and sizes and have different preferences. Do your best to cram your body into the one-size-fits-all mold.

20. Remember, the only goal you can have is fat loss.

You’re a woman, and that means the only health and fitness goal you can have is losing fat, dropping a few pant sizes, or whittling away parts of your body. Sure, choosing to focus on making the weight on the barbell go up instead of the number on the scale go down is fun and empowering, but fat loss is all that matters. Every action in the kitchen and gym must be made with this critical fact in mind.

21. Embrace dichotomous food labels.

“Good” and “bad” foods are a strong way to start. “Clean” and “dirty” are acceptable, too. But hell, don’t stop there! Select some “forbidden” foods to avoid at all costs, so that when you do slip up and eat them, you can be riddled with guilt and shame!

Food isn’t just food. It’s a value system for measuring our self-worth. Never lose sight of the fact that what we eat has the power to make us superior, or inferior.

22. When you overindulge or miss a workout, self-flagellation is the only appropriate response.

Remember what we addressed earlier regarding perfection? Well, when you fall short of perfection, you must beat yourself up. (Self-compassion is overrated.) When you make less-than-ideal food choices or miss a workout, make sure you tell yourself repeatedly how much you suck, how hard you failed, and how you’ll never be able to stick with a program. Really go the extra step to reinforce the belief that you’ll never be good enough—this negative self-talk has always worked for you and everyone else who has done it.

Nothing and no one is perfect, but despite that fact, we must still demand absolute perfection from ourselves at all costs and respond harshly when we fail.

23. Never be sarcastic in the way you talk about health and fitness.

It’s a lazy way of expressing your opinions and experiences. Not to mention appalling, unhelpful, and very unladylike.

Okay, then—that’s enough sarcasm for one article.

It’s Time for a Change

Undoubtedly when you read the title of this article, you wondered, “Why would anyone want to hate their body?” No one starts eating well and working out with the goal of disliking their body, or themselves.

So here’s the better question:

Why does much of the health and fitness world cause us to dislike our bodies?

Perhaps more importantly, why do we put up with it?

We shouldn’t. And if you have been, you can choose to stop. You can choose to take a different health and fitness path. Instead of a path defined by obsessive eating and exercise habits that dominates your life and makes you feel terrible about yourself, you can choose an empowering, enjoyable, sustainable approach that makes you feel great from the first day you start. You can choose a path that truly makes you happy as well as healthy.

If you’ve had it up to HERE with the nonsense that permeates the health and fitness world, and want a plan that’s sustainable, enjoyable, and empowering, then grab a copy of my new book Lift Like a Girl. Packed with practical advice on everything from boosting nutrition to combating negative mindset, the book offers step-by-step instructions for starting and building a transformative strength-training practice.

I’m so excited to get Lift Like a Girl in your hands right now, that I’m offering it for just $0.99. (That’s $9 off the shelf price.)

Click here to get your copy now.

The post 23 Tips to Hate Your Way to Fitness appeared first on Nia Shanks.

from Sarah Luke Fitness Updates http://www.niashanks.com/23-tips-hate-way-fitness/

[juliehbutler]

23 Tips to Hate Your Way to Fitness

Would you prefer to listen to this article? Use the player below, or you can listen to it on iTunes.

When I was a kid and my Dad asked how much peanut butter I wanted on my sandwich, the answer was always, “A lot!” The first bite would cling to the roof of my mouth thanks to the thick smear of roasted, peanutty goodness. I’d take a quick sip of cold milk to wash it down, then go in for the next tasty mouthful.

This article is like that delicious sandwich—only instead of peanut butter, there’s a hefty filling of sarcasm so thick that globs drip off the back as you sink your teeth into the first bite. (Enjoy, and perhaps keep a glass of milk nearby to help it go down.)

Cue the overly enthusiastic infomercial voice:

Disliking your body has never been easier! Follow one, or all, of these twenty-three simple fitness tips, and you’ll be sure to fight against your body for the remainder of your life while experiencing chronic dissatisfaction along the way.

1. Ping-pong endlessly between the extremes of doing it all or doing nothing.

Flexibility, enjoyment, and moderation are for fools. We know it’s about going all in, or not even trying until you can go all in. If it seems like lunacy, ignore your feelings. Being a slave to your regimen is the only way to make fitness worthwhile.

Say, for example, that your “blast the fat away” workout program has you visiting the gym four times per week. But your work schedule has unexpectedly become chaotic, making that gym routine impossible. During this busy time, you could still go to the gym twice per week. But what’s the point? If you can’t do exactly what your program requires, you might as well not do a thing. Instead of getting in workouts where you can, you’re better off just sitting on the couch until things calm down enough for you to start over and “go all in.” (At least until chaos ensues once more—then you’re back to doing jack squat).

Say you “slip up” on your diet and eat a freshly baked, ooey-gooey chocolate chip cookie. Yep, that’s a screw-up—you just blew your entire diet with a single tasty treat. Eating that single cookie is a fully valid reason to eat seventeen more, and then follow it up with more less-than-ideal food choices, until you’re ready to eat “perfectly” once more.

Either you’re going to abstain from every treat and never miss a workout, or you should just quit and not do a damn thing until you can go “all in.” When it comes to health and fitness, it’s perfection, or nothing.

2. Your happiness and self-worth are directly proportional to your weight, body fat percentage, body shape, and ability to achieve specific outcomes.

It doesn’t matter that it’s the twenty-first century—you’re a woman, and that means how you look is still the most important thing about you. Happiness and self-worth are limited by arbitrary factors like the number on the scale or the sculpted perfection of your backside. Regardless of whether you’re a good person, wife, mother, friend, sister, employee, business owner, or any other role you fulfill, if you don’t look a certain way or attain the “proper” body weight, your effort and accomplishments are all for nothing.

3. Forget about building a body for yourself. What matters most is building a body for the sake of impressing other people.

Can you believe some people use fitness to build a body that serves them; a body that feels good to occupy? Fitness isn’t about what you want or think about your body. It’s about what other people think about your body.

Closely monitor the number of “Likes” you’ve received for your latest perfectly posed, optimally lit, flaw-concealing filtered selfie. This, after all, is why you eat well and work out: for the approval and admiration of other people. If a bunch of horny teenage boys follow your posts and request “more skin!” then be sure to indulge their cravings. Never under-value the acceptance and approval of total strangers.

Likewise, if someone makes a negative, cruel remark about your body, you should definitely give a damn. Remember, other people’s opinions about your body matter—the good but especially the bad. Absorb their remarks—let them seep into your bones and penetrate your soul—and keep striving for ways to please them, particularly those who feel it’s their duty to share negative opinions.

Remember, both those who Like and Dislike your photos are doing you a favor. I mean, how else would you know how to feel about your body unless these people were kind enough to divulge their valuable opinion? Like clay in an artist’s hands, so should your body be to the opinions of friends, family, and strangers alike.

So what if you’re internally miserable? You can overcompensate by chronically seeking external validation from others.

4. When you reach a goal, don’t be satisfied with your accomplishment—you can always be leaner, smaller, stronger, prettier, perkier.

No time to celebrate what you achieved—as soon as you hit a fitness milestone, move on to the next goal. So what if you performed your first unassisted chin-up, or deadlifted one-and-a-half times your body weight, or looked in the mirror and saw muscle definition for the first time ever? There’s no time to celebrate these accomplishments or to savor your hard-earned victories. Look to the next goal that will really take your body or strength to the next level.

And when you attain that goal, same thing—don’t stop to celebrate. Immediately look for the next thing to make you a better woman. (Hint: it usually involves fixing a flaw, whittling away some other part of your body, or getting a muscle to “pop” just a bit more.)

Yes, always working toward the next training goal or new body part to improve means you’ll be chronically dissatisfied with your body and performance. But so be it. This is just part of what it means to be a woman. You can never be satisfied with your body. You must always chase the elusive state of perfection.

5. Always take health advice from celebrities.

My doctor may have a medical degree, along with years of experience practicing and studying research and medicine, but Gwyneth Paltrow says I should steam my genitalia and stick egg-shaped rocks up in there. I mean, surely GP knows exactly what she’s talking about and can be trusted despite her lack of formal medical education when it comes to all things vagina.

An innocent Easter egg hunt or nourishing breakfast may pop into your mind when you see eggs, but the company Goop saw a shape that a piece of jade could be molded into, and then decided women should insert them in their vaginas.

Wealthy, perfect-looking celebrities must certainly know what they’re talking about when it comes to health, fitness, and what to insert in one’s nether regions. Despite some of their products costing hundreds of dollars, not to mention being refuted by scientific data, gynecologists, and prestigious medical groups, we know we can trust them. After all, they are willing to share information that medical professionals refuse to tell us; they clearly have our best interest at heart.

6. Always be dieting.

This one’s easy. You’re a woman, so you’re obligated to a lifestyle of dieting. You can’t simply eat—you must watch what you eat. Even if what you’re doing is “working”—properly fueling your workouts and producing the body composition changes you desire —you should always scan magazines, books, and headlines for the latest tips, tricks, and secrets to help you diet more successfully. Scrutinize every bite of food by the criteria of whether it’ll help you lose body fat.

7. Don’t conclude a workout until you’re exhausted.

The closer you are to puking your guts out, the better. If you’re not fatigued, sweating profusely, or waddling to the designated barf bucket after every workout, then you wasted your damn time. Completing a workout feeling accomplished, strong, and even energized? That’s a devastating waste of effort. So what if you improved your performance, set a new personal record, or feel amazing? The only thing that matters is working yourself into a sweaty, depleted heap. That’s how you know you did enough.

Moving your body shouldn’t be enjoyable, serve a greater purpose beyond aesthetics, or be its own reward. It’s punishment for having fat on your body, and for eating food.

8. Each passing year, dread your increasing age.

It doesn’t matter that age is a normal chronology of every living creature, a byproduct of not dying. You’re a woman, and that means you should feel terrible about that increasing number. Lie about it, hide it, or jokingly say it’s your twenty-ninth birthday with each passing year. Heaven forbid you see your age as a number that reveals your experience, knowledge, and longevity.

9. Spend heaps of your hard-earned money on supplements.

You know a pill is mandatory for success if the trainer at the gym swears by its magical power. Isn’t it lucky for you that he just happens to sell them? The fact that he makes a hefty commission off those supplements can’t be influencing his recommendation in the slightest.

Who cares if the pricey supplements have zero proof to back up their hyperbolic claims? Surely someone who received a personal training certification online last weekend knows what he’s talking about. I mean, just look at his biceps!

Disregard the fact that the few supplements scientifically proven to be effective are quite cheap (e.g., creatine monohydrate). What reason could a health company have to lie to you? Or, for that matter, use Photoshopped before-and-after pictures to peddle an unregulated product? If anything, the fact that those magical fat burners are so expensive is proof that they will produce the incredible results they promise.

10. Embrace the magical power of detoxes and cleanses, because your liver and kidneys clearly aren’t doing their job fast enough.

Have no fear! You can eat and drink with reckless abandon all you want, because the next glassful of the magical detoxifying elixir will flush it all away. Down the hatch!

Why would you simply want to eat mostly real, minimally processed foods, get plenty of sleep, stay hydrated, and be physically active, when you can slurp down a cayenne pepper/apple cider vinegar/maple syrup/leprechaun fart cocktail that has zero research to back up its claims of flushing harmful toxins from your body while healing every imaginable disease…and melting stubborn body fat?

And for extra measure, let’s not forget the vagina-gourd cleanse! Someone on Facebook said you should stick one up there to “cleanse and refresh your yoni.” So what if your vagina cleanses itself? So what if a cucumber is covered in fungi that can damage your vaginal lining and put you at increased risk of disease? All your friends are chatting away on Facebook about how magical and life changing and rejuvenating these cleanses are; you don’t want to be left out, and anyway, Facebook is the best place to get advice about what to do with your vagina, and vegetables.

Salad? No, thank you. This is for my vagina. I saw a meme on Facebook, so, I know this is legit and trustworthy, even though dozens of doctors are speaking out against this.

11. Don’t concern yourself with silly goals like being a woman of integrity and action. Your value is definitely not about your personality or character. (See #2.)

As a woman, the only goal you should strive toward is making sure your body is as close to perfect as possible. It’s about the superficial, not the substantive. Yeah, so what if we already covered this one? It bears repeating because how you look still matters more than who you are or what you do. Don’t expect this cultural mindset to change, and definitely don’t speak up against it. It will always be this way, so get used to it.

12. Actively label parts of your body as “flaws.”

You’re a woman, which means you’re not entitled to love your body. You have lots of flaws that you must loathe and try to fix (or, at the very least, conceal) despite the cost, time commitment, lack of effectiveness and potential side effects of gimmicky products designed to address them.

When not working to fix your flaws, you must bemoan them, publicly and privately. That cellulite on your thighs? Those stretch marks? Be ashamed of that. So what if it’s completely natural and something millions of other women have? We should all be deeply ashamed of our flaws and search for ways to fix them. Lucky for us, there are plenty of marketers willing to share their secret vanishing creams, invasive procedures, and special diets to help us improve.

And if by some chance you do love your body, like only a raging narcissist would, then you better find some part of it to enhance or improve. How dare you think it’s possible to be satisfied with your body?

13. Ask for permission to enjoy your favorite foods.

If you’re on a date, order a skimpy salad, lest you look as though you enjoy eating. Appearances are important, and it should look like your preferred foods resemble the eating habits of a rabbit. Instead, give every indication that you subsist on tepid water and salad. If you must, you can eat a real meal once you’re safely home alone, where no one can see you.

14. For goodness’ sake, when you break the previous rule—because you will—and eat something substantial, make sure you’ve earned the right to do so.

You better have performed a grueling, fat-torching workout earlier in the day. If you didn’t earn that food, then by golly you’d better work it off as soon as possible. You can’t just have a cookie because you want a cookie. You must earn that cookie ahead of time, and then burn it off later, chanting the “you ate it, now negate it” motto as you climb onto the stair-master.

15. Constantly compare your body to other women.

Fitness professionals. Celebrities. Award-winning athletes. Instagram models who take fifty-seven different photos before they get the perfect one to post for all the world to see. These should absolutely be your measuring stick for success. And definitely listen to women who spout motivational phrases like, “I have twelve kids, two full-time jobs, and a perfectly sculpted six-pack. What’s your excuse?”

We can’t be trusted to decide for ourselves what’s important to us, so we must always compare ourselves to every woman we admire. Feeling super shitty about yourself is the surest way to get motivated.

16. Always follow the pack, even if it makes you miserable.

What you enjoy doesn’t matter. If everyone you know is suddenly competing in powerlifting, you need to work out that way too. Yes, even if you hate it. If everyone is doing metabolic workouts that leave you dry-heaving into your gym bag on the car ride home, but you’d prefer to just pull some heavy deadlifts, tough tater-tots. If everyone is chanting about how boring cardio is, but running a few miles is your favorite way to wind down after work, you’d be advised not to do it. (Don’t let anyone catch you doing it, anyway.)

There’s nothing more rewarding than casting your desires to the side and blindly following others without any consideration of whether you even like that activity.

17. Make sure to complicate your approach to health and fitness as much as possible.

If you don’t rely on hardware, spreadsheets, and fancy apps to keep your health and fitness habits on track, you can be sure you’re doing it wrong.

Eating real food most of the time, getting plenty of protein, making sleep a priority, and managing stress? Right—as though something as complex as health and fitness could be minimized to those simple basics.

18. Turn the way you eat and work out into a cult-like identity.

You don’t “just” eat and work out a certain way—those activities define you. They’re not part of your life; they are your life. Make sure everyone knows that you define yourself by your diet and workout style.

Disregard the poor souls who use eating well and working out as a tool to enhance their life, instead of revolving their life around the one-true way that you’ve discovered. It’s a given that the food you put in your mouth and the workouts you perform increase your moral superiority over all others who don’t follow the same approach. If someone doesn’t adopt your exact health and fitness philosophy, they must be shunned.

19. Always strive to obtain the latest “it” body part.

Back dimples. A thigh gap. Ab cracks. Voluptuous curves. Whatever pops up next as the most desirable trait to flaunt, you’d better do your best to attain it. After all, if there’s one thing we know about beauty, it’s that beauty is defined by a single physical trait. Doesn’t matter that women come in various shapes and sizes and have different preferences. Do your best to cram your body into the one-size-fits-all mold.

20. Remember, the only goal you can have is fat loss.

You’re a woman, and that means the only health and fitness goal you can have is losing fat, dropping a few pant sizes, or whittling away parts of your body. Sure, choosing to focus on making the weight on the barbell go up instead of the number on the scale go down is fun and empowering, but fat loss is all that matters. Every action in the kitchen and gym must be made with this critical fact in mind.

21. Embrace dichotomous food labels.

“Good” and “bad” foods are a strong way to start. “Clean” and “dirty” are acceptable, too. But hell, don’t stop there! Select some “forbidden” foods to avoid at all costs, so that when you do slip up and eat them, you can be riddled with guilt and shame!

Food isn’t just food. It’s a value system for measuring our self-worth. Never lose sight of the fact that what we eat has the power to make us superior, or inferior.

22. When you overindulge or miss a workout, self-flagellation is the only appropriate response.

Remember what we addressed earlier regarding perfection? Well, when you fall short of perfection, you must beat yourself up. (Self-compassion is overrated.) When you make less-than-ideal food choices or miss a workout, make sure you tell yourself repeatedly how much you suck, how hard you failed, and how you’ll never be able to stick with a program. Really go the extra step to reinforce the belief that you’ll never be good enough—this negative self-talk has always worked for you and everyone else who has done it.

Nothing and no one is perfect, but despite that fact, we must still demand absolute perfection from ourselves at all costs and respond harshly when we fail.

23. Never be sarcastic in the way you talk about health and fitness.

It’s a lazy way of expressing your opinions and experiences. Not to mention appalling, unhelpful, and very unladylike.

Okay, then—that’s enough sarcasm for one article.

It’s Time for a Change

Undoubtedly when you read the title of this article, you wondered, “Why would anyone want to hate their body?” No one starts eating well and working out with the goal of disliking their body, or themselves.

So here’s the better question:

Why does much of the health and fitness world cause us to dislike our bodies?

Perhaps more importantly, why do we put up with it?

We shouldn’t. And if you have been, you can choose to stop. You can choose to take a different health and fitness path. Instead of a path defined by obsessive eating and exercise habits that dominates your life and makes you feel terrible about yourself, you can choose an empowering, enjoyable, sustainable approach that makes you feel great from the first day you start. You can choose a path that truly makes you happy as well as healthy.

If you’ve had it up to HERE with the nonsense that permeates the health and fitness world, and want a plan that’s sustainable, enjoyable, and empowering, then grab a copy of my new book Lift Like a Girl. Packed with practical advice on everything from boosting nutrition to combating negative mindset, the book offers step-by-step instructions for starting and building a transformative strength-training practice.

I’m so excited to get Lift Like a Girl in your hands right now, that I’m offering it for just $0.99. (That’s $9 off the shelf price.)

Click here to get your copy now.

The post 23 Tips to Hate Your Way to Fitness appeared first on Nia Shanks.

from Healthy Living http://www.niashanks.com/23-tips-hate-way-fitness/

[crystalgibsus]

23 Tips to Hate Your Way to Fitness

Would you prefer to listen to this article? Use the player below, or you can listen to it on iTunes.

When I was a kid and my Dad asked how much peanut butter I wanted on my sandwich, the answer was always, “A lot!” The first bite would cling to the roof of my mouth thanks to the thick smear of roasted, peanutty goodness. I’d take a quick sip of cold milk to wash it down, then go in for the next tasty mouthful.

This article is like that delicious sandwich—only instead of peanut butter, there’s a hefty filling of sarcasm so thick that globs drip off the back as you sink your teeth into the first bite. (Enjoy, and perhaps keep a glass of milk nearby to help it go down.)

Cue the overly enthusiastic infomercial voice:

Disliking your body has never been easier! Follow one, or all, of these twenty-three simple fitness tips, and you’ll be sure to fight against your body for the remainder of your life while experiencing chronic dissatisfaction along the way.

1. Ping-pong endlessly between the extremes of doing it all or doing nothing.

Flexibility, enjoyment, and moderation are for fools. We know it’s about going all in, or not even trying until you can go all in. If it seems like lunacy, ignore your feelings. Being a slave to your regimen is the only way to make fitness worthwhile.

Say, for example, that your “blast the fat away” workout program has you visiting the gym four times per week. But your work schedule has unexpectedly become chaotic, making that gym routine impossible. During this busy time, you could still go to the gym twice per week. But what’s the point? If you can’t do exactly what your program requires, you might as well not do a thing. Instead of getting in workouts where you can, you’re better off just sitting on the couch until things calm down enough for you to start over and “go all in.” (At least until chaos ensues once more—then you’re back to doing jack squat).

Say you “slip up” on your diet and eat a freshly baked, ooey-gooey chocolate chip cookie. Yep, that’s a screw-up—you just blew your entire diet with a single tasty treat. Eating that single cookie is a fully valid reason to eat seventeen more, and then follow it up with more less-than-ideal food choices, until you’re ready to eat “perfectly” once more.

Either you’re going to abstain from every treat and never miss a workout, or you should just quit and not do a damn thing until you can go “all in.” When it comes to health and fitness, it’s perfection, or nothing.

2. Your happiness and self-worth are directly proportional to your weight, body fat percentage, body shape, and ability to achieve specific outcomes.

It doesn’t matter that it’s the twenty-first century—you’re a woman, and that means how you look is still the most important thing about you. Happiness and self-worth are limited by arbitrary factors like the number on the scale or the sculpted perfection of your backside. Regardless of whether you’re a good person, wife, mother, friend, sister, employee, business owner, or any other role you fulfill, if you don’t look a certain way or attain the “proper” body weight, your effort and accomplishments are all for nothing.

3. Forget about building a body for yourself. What matters most is building a body for the sake of impressing other people.

Can you believe some people use fitness to build a body that serves them; a body that feels good to occupy? Fitness isn’t about what you want or think about your body. It’s about what other people think about your body.

Closely monitor the number of “Likes” you’ve received for your latest perfectly posed, optimally lit, flaw-concealing filtered selfie. This, after all, is why you eat well and work out: for the approval and admiration of other people. If a bunch of horny teenage boys follow your posts and request “more skin!” then be sure to indulge their cravings. Never under-value the acceptance and approval of total strangers.

Likewise, if someone makes a negative, cruel remark about your body, you should definitely give a damn. Remember, other people’s opinions about your body matter—the good but especially the bad. Absorb their remarks—let them seep into your bones and penetrate your soul—and keep striving for ways to please them, particularly those who feel it’s their duty to share negative opinions.

Remember, both those who Like and Dislike your photos are doing you a favor. I mean, how else would you know how to feel about your body unless these people were kind enough to divulge their valuable opinion? Like clay in an artist’s hands, so should your body be to the opinions of friends, family, and strangers alike.

So what if you’re internally miserable? You can overcompensate by chronically seeking external validation from others.

4. When you reach a goal, don’t be satisfied with your accomplishment—you can always be leaner, smaller, stronger, prettier, perkier.

No time to celebrate what you achieved—as soon as you hit a fitness milestone, move on to the next goal. So what if you performed your first unassisted chin-up, or deadlifted one-and-a-half times your body weight, or looked in the mirror and saw muscle definition for the first time ever? There’s no time to celebrate these accomplishments or to savor your hard-earned victories. Look to the next goal that will really take your body or strength to the next level.

And when you attain that goal, same thing—don’t stop to celebrate. Immediately look for the next thing to make you a better woman. (Hint: it usually involves fixing a flaw, whittling away some other part of your body, or getting a muscle to “pop” just a bit more.)

Yes, always working toward the next training goal or new body part to improve means you’ll be chronically dissatisfied with your body and performance. But so be it. This is just part of what it means to be a woman. You can never be satisfied with your body. You must always chase the elusive state of perfection.

5. Always take health advice from celebrities.

My doctor may have a medical degree, along with years of experience practicing and studying research and medicine, but Gwyneth Paltrow says I should steam my genitalia and stick egg-shaped rocks up in there. I mean, surely GP knows exactly what she’s talking about and can be trusted despite her lack of formal medical education when it comes to all things vagina.

An innocent Easter egg hunt or nourishing breakfast may pop into your mind when you see eggs, but the company Goop saw a shape that a piece of jade could be molded into, and then decided women should insert them in their vaginas.

Wealthy, perfect-looking celebrities must certainly know what they’re talking about when it comes to health, fitness, and what to insert in one’s nether regions. Despite some of their products costing hundreds of dollars, not to mention being refuted by scientific data, gynecologists, and prestigious medical groups, we know we can trust them. After all, they are willing to share information that medical professionals refuse to tell us; they clearly have our best interest at heart.

6. Always be dieting.

This one’s easy. You’re a woman, so you’re obligated to a lifestyle of dieting. You can’t simply eat—you must watch what you eat. Even if what you’re doing is “working”—properly fueling your workouts and producing the body composition changes you desire —you should always scan magazines, books, and headlines for the latest tips, tricks, and secrets to help you diet more successfully. Scrutinize every bite of food by the criteria of whether it’ll help you lose body fat.

7. Don’t conclude a workout until you’re exhausted.

The closer you are to puking your guts out, the better. If you’re not fatigued, sweating profusely, or waddling to the designated barf bucket after every workout, then you wasted your damn time. Completing a workout feeling accomplished, strong, and even energized? That’s a devastating waste of effort. So what if you improved your performance, set a new personal record, or feel amazing? The only thing that matters is working yourself into a sweaty, depleted heap. That’s how you know you did enough.

Moving your body shouldn’t be enjoyable, serve a greater purpose beyond aesthetics, or be its own reward. It’s punishment for having fat on your body, and for eating food.

8. Each passing year, dread your increasing age.

It doesn’t matter that age is a normal chronology of every living creature, a byproduct of not dying. You’re a woman, and that means you should feel terrible about that increasing number. Lie about it, hide it, or jokingly say it’s your twenty-ninth birthday with each passing year. Heaven forbid you see your age as a number that reveals your experience, knowledge, and longevity.

9. Spend heaps of your hard-earned money on supplements.

You know a pill is mandatory for success if the trainer at the gym swears by its magical power. Isn’t it lucky for you that he just happens to sell them? The fact that he makes a hefty commission off those supplements can’t be influencing his recommendation in the slightest.

Who cares if the pricey supplements have zero proof to back up their hyperbolic claims? Surely someone who received a personal training certification online last weekend knows what he’s talking about. I mean, just look at his biceps!

Disregard the fact that the few supplements scientifically proven to be effective are quite cheap (e.g., creatine monohydrate). What reason could a health company have to lie to you? Or, for that matter, use Photoshopped before-and-after pictures to peddle an unregulated product? If anything, the fact that those magical fat burners are so expensive is proof that they will produce the incredible results they promise.

10. Embrace the magical power of detoxes and cleanses, because your liver and kidneys clearly aren’t doing their job fast enough.

Have no fear! You can eat and drink with reckless abandon all you want, because the next glassful of the magical detoxifying elixir will flush it all away. Down the hatch!

Why would you simply want to eat mostly real, minimally processed foods, get plenty of sleep, stay hydrated, and be physically active, when you can slurp down a cayenne pepper/apple cider vinegar/maple syrup/leprechaun fart cocktail that has zero research to back up its claims of flushing harmful toxins from your body while healing every imaginable disease…and melting stubborn body fat?

And for extra measure, let’s not forget the vagina-gourd cleanse! Someone on Facebook said you should stick one up there to “cleanse and refresh your yoni.” So what if your vagina cleanses itself? So what if a cucumber is covered in fungi that can damage your vaginal lining and put you at increased risk of disease? All your friends are chatting away on Facebook about how magical and life changing and rejuvenating these cleanses are; you don’t want to be left out, and anyway, Facebook is the best place to get advice about what to do with your vagina, and vegetables.

Salad? No, thank you. This is for my vagina. I saw a meme on Facebook, so, I know this is legit and trustworthy, even though dozens of doctors are speaking out against this.

11. Don’t concern yourself with silly goals like being a woman of integrity and action. Your value is definitely not about your personality or character. (See #2.)

As a woman, the only goal you should strive toward is making sure your body is as close to perfect as possible. It’s about the superficial, not the substantive. Yeah, so what if we already covered this one? It bears repeating because how you look still matters more than who you are or what you do. Don’t expect this cultural mindset to change, and definitely don’t speak up against it. It will always be this way, so get used to it.

12. Actively label parts of your body as “flaws.”

You’re a woman, which means you’re not entitled to love your body. You have lots of flaws that you must loathe and try to fix (or, at the very least, conceal) despite the cost, time commitment, lack of effectiveness and potential side effects of gimmicky products designed to address them.

When not working to fix your flaws, you must bemoan them, publicly and privately. That cellulite on your thighs? Those stretch marks? Be ashamed of that. So what if it’s completely natural and something millions of other women have? We should all be deeply ashamed of our flaws and search for ways to fix them. Lucky for us, there are plenty of marketers willing to share their secret vanishing creams, invasive procedures, and special diets to help us improve.

And if by some chance you do love your body, like only a raging narcissist would, then you better find some part of it to enhance or improve. How dare you think it’s possible to be satisfied with your body?

13. Ask for permission to enjoy your favorite foods.

If you’re on a date, order a skimpy salad, lest you look as though you enjoy eating. Appearances are important, and it should look like your preferred foods resemble the eating habits of a rabbit. Instead, give every indication that you subsist on tepid water and salad. If you must, you can eat a real meal once you’re safely home alone, where no one can see you.

14. For goodness’ sake, when you break the previous rule—because you will—and eat something substantial, make sure you’ve earned the right to do so.

You better have performed a grueling, fat-torching workout earlier in the day. If you didn’t earn that food, then by golly you’d better work it off as soon as possible. You can’t just have a cookie because you want a cookie. You must earn that cookie ahead of time, and then burn it off later, chanting the “you ate it, now negate it” motto as you climb onto the stair-master.

15. Constantly compare your body to other women.

Fitness professionals. Celebrities. Award-winning athletes. Instagram models who take fifty-seven different photos before they get the perfect one to post for all the world to see. These should absolutely be your measuring stick for success. And definitely listen to women who spout motivational phrases like, “I have twelve kids, two full-time jobs, and a perfectly sculpted six-pack. What’s your excuse?”

We can’t be trusted to decide for ourselves what’s important to us, so we must always compare ourselves to every woman we admire. Feeling super shitty about yourself is the surest way to get motivated.

16. Always follow the pack, even if it makes you miserable.

What you enjoy doesn’t matter. If everyone you know is suddenly competing in powerlifting, you need to work out that way too. Yes, even if you hate it. If everyone is doing metabolic workouts that leave you dry-heaving into your gym bag on the car ride home, but you’d prefer to just pull some heavy deadlifts, tough tater-tots. If everyone is chanting about how boring cardio is, but running a few miles is your favorite way to wind down after work, you’d be advised not to do it. (Don’t let anyone catch you doing it, anyway.)

There’s nothing more rewarding than casting your desires to the side and blindly following others without any consideration of whether you even like that activity.

17. Make sure to complicate your approach to health and fitness as much as possible.

If you don’t rely on hardware, spreadsheets, and fancy apps to keep your health and fitness habits on track, you can be sure you’re doing it wrong.

Eating real food most of the time, getting plenty of protein, making sleep a priority, and managing stress? Right—as though something as complex as health and fitness could be minimized to those simple basics.

18. Turn the way you eat and work out into a cult-like identity.

You don’t “just” eat and work out a certain way—those activities define you. They’re not part of your life; they are your life. Make sure everyone knows that you define yourself by your diet and workout style.

Disregard the poor souls who use eating well and working out as a tool to enhance their life, instead of revolving their life around the one-true way that you’ve discovered. It’s a given that the food you put in your mouth and the workouts you perform increase your moral superiority over all others who don’t follow the same approach. If someone doesn’t adopt your exact health and fitness philosophy, they must be shunned.

19. Always strive to obtain the latest “it” body part.

Back dimples. A thigh gap. Ab cracks. Voluptuous curves. Whatever pops up next as the most desirable trait to flaunt, you’d better do your best to attain it. After all, if there’s one thing we know about beauty, it’s that beauty is defined by a single physical trait. Doesn’t matter that women come in various shapes and sizes and have different preferences. Do your best to cram your body into the one-size-fits-all mold.

20. Remember, the only goal you can have is fat loss.

You’re a woman, and that means the only health and fitness goal you can have is losing fat, dropping a few pant sizes, or whittling away parts of your body. Sure, choosing to focus on making the weight on the barbell go up instead of the number on the scale go down is fun and empowering, but fat loss is all that matters. Every action in the kitchen and gym must be made with this critical fact in mind.

21. Embrace dichotomous food labels.

“Good” and “bad” foods are a strong way to start. “Clean” and “dirty” are acceptable, too. But hell, don’t stop there! Select some “forbidden” foods to avoid at all costs, so that when you do slip up and eat them, you can be riddled with guilt and shame!

Food isn’t just food. It’s a value system for measuring our self-worth. Never lose sight of the fact that what we eat has the power to make us superior, or inferior.

22. When you overindulge or miss a workout, self-flagellation is the only appropriate response.

Remember what we addressed earlier regarding perfection? Well, when you fall short of perfection, you must beat yourself up. (Self-compassion is overrated.) When you make less-than-ideal food choices or miss a workout, make sure you tell yourself repeatedly how much you suck, how hard you failed, and how you’ll never be able to stick with a program. Really go the extra step to reinforce the belief that you’ll never be good enough—this negative self-talk has always worked for you and everyone else who has done it.

Nothing and no one is perfect, but despite that fact, we must still demand absolute perfection from ourselves at all costs and respond harshly when we fail.

23. Never be sarcastic in the way you talk about health and fitness.

It’s a lazy way of expressing your opinions and experiences. Not to mention appalling, unhelpful, and very unladylike.

Okay, then—that’s enough sarcasm for one article.

It’s Time for a Change

Undoubtedly when you read the title of this article, you wondered, “Why would anyone want to hate their body?” No one starts eating well and working out with the goal of disliking their body, or themselves.

So here’s the better question:

Why does much of the health and fitness world cause us to dislike our bodies?

Perhaps more importantly, why do we put up with it?

We shouldn’t. And if you have been, you can choose to stop. You can choose to take a different health and fitness path. Instead of a path defined by obsessive eating and exercise habits that dominates your life and makes you feel terrible about yourself, you can choose an empowering, enjoyable, sustainable approach that makes you feel great from the first day you start. You can choose a path that truly makes you happy as well as healthy.

If you’ve had it up to HERE with the nonsense that permeates the health and fitness world, and want a plan that’s sustainable, enjoyable, and empowering, then grab a copy of my new book Lift Like a Girl. Packed with practical advice on everything from boosting nutrition to combating negative mindset, the book offers step-by-step instructions for starting and building a transformative strength-training practice.

I’m so excited to get Lift Like a Girl in your hands right now, that I’m offering it for just $0.99. (That’s $9 off the shelf price.)

Click here to get your copy now.

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from Tips By Crystal http://www.niashanks.com/23-tips-hate-way-fitness/