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sevlgi · 4 years

Text

what we want

requested: yes x2

group: blackpink

pairing: jennie x fem!reader

genre: angst, fluff

contents: idol!jennie, idol!reader, pr relationship

warnings: none

synopsis: Jennie’s lost herself somewhere along the way of achieving her dream. Behind that tough, cruel mask of hers, she doesn’t know what she wants, and maybe uncovering the mask you wear is what will help her realize it.

a/n: this is so much heavier than either of you guys asked for asalknasdfkj... but i wrote my longest fic yet in less than 2 days!!!! i think that’s an achievement :D

word count: 6k

Kim Jennie did not have a good reputation, and she didn’t really give a shit about it.

At least, that’s what everyone thought. That’s what everyone knew, with the numerous articles a week about South Korea’s resident fuckgirl, with Dispatch’s 20 cameramen hired just to follow Jennie. She was careless, she was cold, and she care what anyone else said about her.

What no one cared about was Jennie’s reasoning. Because while the first time sneaking out to a club and losing herself in fruit-flavored shots and skimming touches was simply for the fun of it, it was the aftereffect that made her keep going. Because with the articles of Kim Jennie’s newest scandal, Blackpink’s album sales shot through the roof, YG’s stocks completely flipped around, and Jennie herself decided it was worth it. It didn’t matter if her members looked at her a little differently, like they didn’t recognize her, or if she was the only one constantly excluded from appreciation tweets on Twitter. If acting out would help promote them more than her agency ever did, she could do it.

And she did. For almost a year, Jennie became Kpop’s most well-known idol, for better or for worse. For almost a year, Blackpink’s sales were unmatched by any group or artist around the world and Jennie couldn’t read her Instagram comments without wanting to throw up.

It took a year for YGE to finally do something, and by then, Jennie wasn’t sure she particularly cared anymore.

“Jennie.”

“Youngshik.” Her voice was scarily steady and her face just as calm; Jennie knew that the her from ten years ago, the teenager who was accepted into the company under Youngshik’s watch, wouldn’t be able to recognize her as she sat before the man with crossed arms and a blank expression. But as he stared at her with disappointment glazing his eyes, Jennie lifted her chin higher, almost daring him to speak.

When he did, he sounded almost cautious of his words. “Jennie, I know you. This isn’t like you at all, you can’t carry on like this.”

“What do you know about me?” She had to keep herself from wincing at her own tone, sharp enough to draw blood. “Huh? You haven’t cared about me for the past year, haven’t cared about us. And who the fuck said I can’t carry on? I’m doing just fine.”

Youngshik shook his head. “Please. Ch-- your members know. I know. All you may see right now is the attention you’re gaining, the fleeting ecstasy you get every night, but you aren’t doing yourself any favors right now.”

As much as she hated it, Youngshik’s words cut deep. She wanted to scream out that she was doing this for her members, for the company, and that it didn’t matter what her reputation was like, but Jennie schooled herself into the person everyone believed and knew her to be. “I’m the only thing keeping you afloat right now. You’re wasting them-- Chaeng, Lisa, Jisoo. They keep practicing but you waste them. I’m only doing what you won’t,” Jennie defended herself, anger seeping into her voice at the thought of her members.

“Jennie. MNet has threatened to drop you from the next season of Queendom.” The man’s voice was quiet but deadly, and Jennie couldn’t seem to open her mouth at the thought of her members’ practice being wasted because of her. Youngshik took that as a sign to continue, “I realize that what you’re doing is increasing sales, but netizens hate you right now. You know that, don’t you? We’re trying to help.”

“Oh yeah? How’re you going to help?” Jennie sighed. “Lock me up in your dungeon again?”

“Quite the opposite,” he answered, leaning forward. “We’re going to keep you in check. The only thing that Dispatch likes more than clubbing scandals is leaked couples, and that’s what we’re going to give them.”

She crossed her arms and leaned back. “And how is that going to keep me in check? Dispatch already knows I like girls, giving me a well-behaved boyfriend isn’t going to be believable.’

Just as the words left her mouth, a knock sounded on the frosted glass pane in Youngshik’s office door, and the man stood. “You’ll see once you meet her.”

Her?

Jennie didn’t turn even when she heard the door open, or when Youngshik murmured, “Junho, thank you for coming.”

“Of course. This is her?”

“This is her. Jennie?”

She finally turned, face impassive, but Jennie couldn’t stop her eyes from widening when she saw the person standing in the doorway. You-- she recognized you, specifically the polite smile you wore on your face as you offered a handshake. She remembered hearing you be praised for your constant professionalism, your sterling reputation, and your bubbly personality. “Hi, I’m Y/N. I’m a big fan of yours.”

“Jennie Kim, but I’m assuming you already knew that,” she said by way of greeting. You nearly winced at her flat tone, but the mask remained on and you gingerly took the empty seat just by her. “So. Am I the only one in the dark here?”

“Not anymore,” Junho smiled. Unlike Youngshik, he looked pleasant, a smile crinkling at the side of his eyes, but Jennie disliked him nonetheless. “The two of you know by now that you’re being set up in a fake relationship. Jennie, YGE’s main concern with you is your reputation. You club, you drink, you... sleep with people.”

She simply nodded, waiting for the point. Youngshik jumped in, “Y/N, on the other hand, has a stellar reputation. Never has had a scandal in her career, except when she publicly came out, and even that had a good reception.”

“How nice,” Jennie deadpanned.

Junho sighed, folding his hands in his lap. “Miss Kim. Despite your shortcomings and the methods that you achieved such fame, you are nonetheless the most well known female idol in the world. From this relationship, you’ll gain stability as well as a cover, a perfectly sweet girlfriend who’ll lighten your image up. And Y/N will receive more attention by your side, exactly what we want for her and her group. Is that clear?”

Jennie wished she could say no-- after all, you obviously weren’t going to-- but she also knew that the two men were right. She could profit, achieve exactly what she was trying to do, but with less damage done to Blackpink’s image. And as much as she wished she could rebel, she found herself sighing through tightened lips. “Clear. I agree.”

“You didn’t exactly have a choice.” Still, Youngshik slid a contract and a pen across the table, and Jennie signed in the blank without a second glance. “Good. Though we realize that this relationship is fake, we want you to at least pretend to be in love, so get to know each other. It’ll be a while.”

“Great,” you sighed. Jennie was slightly surprised by the hint of sarcasm in your voice, but she lost interest when you assumed a polite smile yet again. “How do we do that?”

Junho exchanged a glance with Youngshik but answered by himself, “If it was me, I’d start with a coffee.”

“Can I order something for you?”

“I’m good.”

Your smile was tight, and Jennie wondered how many snide comments she could make before you snapped. But apparently, one wasn’t enough, as you tugged your mask up. “Okay. I’ll get something for you when you feel like it, just wait for me in that booth.”

Without something to argue about, Jennie could only obey, sliding into the booth furthest away from any people. She sighed, staring at the ceiling; she hated that you were being pushed into the contract to save her, and she hated even more that she was purposefully being so difficult for you to deal with. But the truth was that Jennie couldn’t let you keep her in check, couldn’t let you get under her skin or change her from the way that she had been for years. No matter what YGE said, she was succeeding, and she wasn’t having the worst time in the world while she did.

“Uh. I got you a green juice, I hope you don’t mind.”

Jennie stared at you as you slid the bottle over the table to her, removing your mask just to flash her an annoyingly sweet smile. “I didn’t ask for it.”

You shrugged, “Oh, I know. But I read somewhere that you liked green juices, and I didn’t feel right letting you- letting my girlfriend go without a drink.”

“Don’t call me that.” Jennie cleared her throat when she realized how cruel she sounded, and rephrased it softer. “Don’t.”

“Okay. I understand,” you mumbled, clasping your hands over the iced Americano you held. “So. When did we start dating?” When Jennie frowned in confusion, you clarified, “We’re supposed to have a believable, synced story, right? To seem more real?”

The other girl bit her lip but nodded in agreement. “You’re right. Would two months be enough?”

Jennie wanted to tell you to stop pursing your lips when you thought, wanted to make you stop looking so approachable and sweet when you were sitting across from the most-hated idol in Korea. But she shut herself up, if only not to offend someone who she’d be spending a lot of time with. “I think so. We could say that we met at the Gayo Daejeon, since that was three months ago. I asked for your number,” you hummed and pulled out a notepad. “And a month after becoming friends, you asked me on a date.”

“Why did I ask you on a date?” Jennie asked, eyebrows raised.

“I asked for your number, let’s keep it fair,” you answered with a slight chuckle. “Okay. What would you want to do on a date?”

She considered the question, tapping her nails against the table. “The Han River? Lots of people go in masks, so it’s possible for us to have gone without anyone seeing us. There’s food, nice scenery, we could take pictures--”

“You’re a real romantic, Kim Jennie,” you smiled, pen scratching against the paper of your notepad. “Okay. And we don’t live with each other, since you have a dorm... one of us has to be caught on the route between to make it believable.”

“I don’t think we have to.” Jennie crossed her arms, not moving even when you turned your notepad so she could see. “We just need to be seen in public together a couple times, hold hands once. Dispatch will eat it up.”

You sighed softly and tucked the notebook away. “Okay. At-- at least add me on Kakao. So we can communicate and stuff.”

She stood, tugging her jacket on and her hat down to hide her eyes. “Don’t have Kakao. Have a nice day, Y/N Y/L/N.”

And just like that, with a jingle of the front door’s bell, she was gone, and you could only stare at the untouched bottle of juice across from you or the glass door swinging closed.

Jennie liked practicing with her members. Of course she did-- there was no one she loved more than those 3 girls, and spending time with them was always exactly what she needed. And practice reminded her of better, simpler times: learning a new choreo with Lisa for the next evaluation, practicing English with Chaeng, or asking Jisoo for help with vocals. There were memories in the scratches on the floorboards of the practice rooms, and Jennie liked feeling them every time she stepped inside.

But besides that, it was a secure place. No Dispatch, no cameras, and certainly no PR stunt girlfriends. It was supposed to be her happy place, her home away from the dorm, and the last resort for time alone.

Of course, you had to change that.

“Jennie, Y/N’s here to see you.”

At the sound of her manager’s voice, Jennie’s ankle twisted and she fell to the ground, still panting from dancing. Jisoo bent down to help her up, Chaeyoung and Lisa stopping their practices too. “What?”

He raised an eyebrow, tilting his head towards the hallway outside. “Your ‘girlfriend’. She’s here to see you.”

Lisa gasped at that, her head whipping towards Jennie. “Jennie unnie! You have a girlfriend? Since when?”

Jennie winced and waved Jisoo off before walking towards the door. “I... I’ll explain later. Don’t worry about it, keep practicing. I’ll catch up.”

As soon as she stepped outside, she found you standing there, your smile so wide, as if she hadn’t been so cold to you since the beginning. “Hi, Jennie.”

“Why’re you here?”

You barely faltered at the tone of her voice, holding out one of two bubble teas towards her. “I brought you boba, I thought you might need a rest from practicing. And don’t worry, Dispatch got the pictures they needed, I ‘forgot’ to put on a mask when I got out of the car just outside the building.”

Jennie sighed, but she accepted the offered cup anyway. She was thirsty; all she could hope was that you wouldn’t take it as a sign to keep coming to see her. “And? I thought we agreed that we only needed to be seen in public when our companies schedule it.”

“Well, I’m not just here for the PR,” you frowned. “You’re obviously opposed to actually dating me, or even from becoming friends with me, but it’ll be miserable if we’re both mean to each other. Let’s at least be civil, okay?”

Why? she wanted to ask. How? How can you be so positive even when faced with me? She pursed her lips, taking a sip of the drink. Somehow, you’d gotten her favorite flavor just right, and maybe the sugar rushing in her blood was what prompted her to say, “Civil. Sure. Thank you for the boba, Y/N.”

“Of course!” you grinned. You startled Jennie when you went to take your flannel off, even more so when you reached out to give it to her. “Here, take this.”

“Um. Why?”

Sighing jokingly, you pressed it into her hand. “Next time, you’re coming to see me. If you wear this while you’re caught on film, it’ll raise a lot of suspicions. Exactly what we want, right?”

Jennie nodded at that, closing her fist around the fabric. “Right. So, are you... planning to watch us practice?”

“Oh, no,” you shook your head, waving your hands. “No, I’ll probably just hang around. Unless you want me to?”

Some tiny, annoying section in the back of her mind wanted to say ‘yes’, but Jennie could hear Chaeyoung laughing in the practice room, and the thought of introducing you to her members wasn’t exactly appealing. “No. That’s okay. Thank you for stopping by,” she attempted a smile. Thankfully, you just bowed and waved goodbye again before turning around the corner, and Jennie relaxed with a sigh.

But your smile lingered in her mind. The first time she saw you, she thought it was genuine-- maybe you were just that polite, just that professional, even with how impossible it was. But talking to you on her own, she saw too many false grins, too much effort being put into keeping that likeable, fun personality up.

Perhaps she wasn’t the only one who was lying, but that fact did nothing but scare her more.

“So. Are we gonna talk about Y/N?”

Jennie sighed, keeping her eyes on the road. “No.”

“Really? Because you didn’t exactly look happy after talking to the person who’s supposed to be your girlfriend.”

The rapper raised her eyebrows even though Jisoo couldn’t see it over the phone. “Well, she isn’t exactly my real girlfriend.”

In the background, Chaeyoung asked, “What? Then why did our manager say she was?”

“It’s a PR stunt,” Jennie said bluntly. Her manager sighed in the front seat but didn’t speak. “That’s it. Y/N has a good reputation, I don’t. I’m in the biggest girl group in the world, she isn’t. We’re benefiting from each other.”

Lisa groaned into the phone, her voice tinny over speaker. “Is that seriously it? I only heard you guys talking, but she’s trying so hard, and you’re shutting her down. It could be good for you, unnie.”

Jennie pinched her nosebridge and pleaded, “Can we please not talk about this? I’m just doing this-- it’s a PR stunt. Nothing else to it. I gotta go anyway.” She ended the call before anyone could say something, leaning back and pressing her hands to her eyes.

“I don’t understand why you’re so opposed to this, Jennie.”

“Please. Shut up,” Jennie groaned, reaching for the flannel on her lap as the car lurched a stop. The smell of perfume swept over her as she tugged the clothing on, leaving her mask off but donning the sunglasses that she’d been paid to wear. “Thank you for driving me, I’ll see you in half an hour.”

Her manager called out, “One hour. Try to have fun, okay?”

It wasn’t like Jennie couldn’t hear the click of cameras following her as she buzzed herself into the apartment building, couldn’t see the flashes half-hidden in the surrounding bushes. But she schooled her expression and let herself into the building, engulfed in silence once again for the 7 minutes before she reached your apartment door.

“Hi, Jennie,” you greeted when you opened the door. It was disarming to see that perfectly crafted, perfectly kind expression, but Jennie followed you inside anyway. To be honest, the way you decorated your apartment was almost a perfect reflection of the you that you presented-- sweet, comfortable, but a completely blank slate that could be arranged easily. No pictures decorated the walls, just like how your easy smile never left your face, and the only things on your expensive glass shelves were awards and your own albums. But you smiled, “The flannel looks good on you.”

“Thanks. You can have it back,” Jennie mumbled, peeling it off and draping it over one of the acrylic chairs that tastefully decorated your living room. “It’s a nice place. You’re lucky to live alone.”

You hummed, clearing a pile of papers off the couch so that she could sit. “Sure, I guess. It’s a lot lonelier than the dorm, but it is nice to have all the space to myself.”

“Right.” She sat obediently and accepted the petite cup of coffee that you pushed towards her. “So, what are we supposed to do for an hour?”

“I thought we could watch Netflix and grab some takeout,” you chuckled embarrassedly, reaching for the remote. “I can’t really cook, but I’ll pay for anything you want to order.”

Jennie should’ve asked for pizza, jajangmyeon, something inexpensive but universally enjoyable. But the more she looked at you, the more she realized that for all your effort, nothing she did could possibly break you. Making dinnner for you once, even becoming friends with you and pulling away again, wouldn’t change anything when everything she saw of you was... false. So she stood, made her way to the kitchen, and opened to the fridge. “I can cook. What have you got?”

“Oh, you don’t have to,” you protested and followed her over. “I’m serious, I can pay for anything you want.”

The rapper ignored you and frowned at a tub of kimchi. “How does kimchi jigae sound? You’ve got close to nothing in here.”

You were silent for a moment, but sighed and moved to open your cupboards. “Kimchi jigae sounds great. You’re going to be carrying this dinner, I hope you know.”

“That’s no problem,” Jennie chuckled, turning to you slightly. “By the way, have you got any soju?”

“I thought you’d have a better alcohol tolerance.”

“Why?” Jennie groaned, head clutched in her hands. The steam from the cup of coffee that she convinced Chaeyoung to buy for her was absolutely going to melt her makeup, but under the LED lights of the waiting room, she wasn’t sure she cared.

Lisa sighed and patted her shoulder softly as she passed by. “I mean, wasn’t there a month where you went to a different club every night? It’d be weird if you did that completely sober.”

Jennie frowned; she wished she could tell Lisa that she actually spent every night of that month huddled in the corner with a mocktail, hoping to the heavens that Dispatch didn’t burst their way inside and find her hiding. But she shook it off and replied flippantly, “Drinking a lot doesn’t increase everyone’s tolerance, believe it or not. Maybe Y/N just had really strong soju.”

Before the dancer could respond, Jisoo opened the door and popped her head inside. “Hey, guys, they’re ready for us to start filming. And, Jen-- you have a visitor.”

“Who?” she groaned in answer, struggling to her feet and wincing as she removed her sunglasses.

Her question was answered as she reached the stage, finding a familiar face among the camera directors. “Y/N?” she squinted.

“Hey, Jennie!” you shouted with your hands cupped around your mouth. The smile on your face was a little wider than usual, poked into your cheeks differently. It was pretty, Jennie realized, and more genuine. “Good luck!”

Before she could ask what you were doing, huddling with the cameramen while she prepared to film her first Queendom stage, she was called up on stage. But for once, Jennie could feel a smile tugging at her lips as she got into formation, a smile that she hadn’t been able to pull off for a while.

You startled her by cheering her name just before filming began, and inciting laughter from the crew. Some warm flower blossomed in her chest as Jennie spoke her first line, her voice more steady than it had ever been during practice.

As soon as she finished the first attempt at the group shot, Jennie bent down at the edge of the stage and beckoned you forward. “Hey. What’re you doing here?”

“I’m cheering you on, of course.” Jennie found a banner with her name on it in your hands as you approached, the tip of your nose cold from the air-con in the studio. “You did great.”

“Thanks,” she chuckled softly, feeling the banner between her fingertips. “Where’d you even get this?”

You shrugged, “Bought it. I had to make an account and all, so you better be feeling more energized.”

“I am.” Jennie herself was surprised at how true the statement was; for some reason, seeing your dyed hair in the crowd of cameras was like a shot of pure adrenaline, just more intense and gratifying. She smiled, “I am. It’s really nice of you to come, Y/N.”

“Of course,” you said, waving the banner around with a grin creasing in the corners of your eyes. “We’re girlfriends, after all. And I’m your friend.” At the call of a director, though, you stepped back. “I should let you film.”

“Y/N?” Jennie called after you. When you turned to face her again, Jennie allowed her customary gummy smile to take over her face as she said softly, “You can call me Jen. All my friends do.”

You were too far away for her to hear your answer, but the excited little jump you made as you walked back to your spot kept the grin on Jennie’s face as she stood again. She missed the relieved glances her members exchanged behind her back, but she could feel a new kind of energy coursing through her as the director started his countdown again. And-- she kind of liked it.

You hated the popular belief that idols who presented the sweetest, kindest version of themselves to the internet got absolutely no hate. Fans, family, managers-- they all believed that never letting your smile slip and never having a single scandal would protect an idol completely. When you were deciding on your persona for your debut, you thought the same, and so you forced yourself into the happy, positive personality that the world knew.

However, for all your effort, for all the things you had to endure with that same smile on your face, people hated you. They called you fake, tried their best to get under your skin just so they could see you fall. But it was too late to fight back, because that wouldn’t become the kind, sweet Y/N. It was too late to ask for help, and it was too late to let yourself cry.

When you met Jennie, you were determined to keep her on the outside of that precious mask you could never remove. After all, what would she understand? She did what she wanted to, didn’t care what people said about her, and she was strong. Jennie was as strong as you wished you could be, and you were sure that she would never understand. But the more that you saw her and the more that you talked to her, the more you understood that you were one and the same. That tough, carefree version of Jennie was what protected her, just like your perfectly engineered smile.

The first time you saw Jennie laugh, you knew that you were in deep. She didn’t know a single thing about you, but she was letting her walls down and letting you in-- or at least, the you she knew. But you liked her smile so much that you wanted to keep it there, at any cost. And maybe it meant sacrificing yourself.

“Are you ready?”

“For what? Walking through the street, undisguised enough that Dispatch will recognize us but no one else will?” At your pout, Jennie stopped her grumbling and laughed softly, still adjusting her scarf in the car mirror. “Yeah. I’m ready.”

A beat of silence passed as she grabbed your hand and led you out of the parking garage and onto Garosu-gil. “Hey. Y/N, I want to tell you something.”

“Yeah?”

“I... I’m glad it’s you.” Jennie squeezed your hand, her skin slightly cold with the wind blowing softly around the two of you. “I’m glad you’re the one I’m doing this with.”

You wished that she wouldn’t say that. You wished she’d feel anything else towards you-- contempt, hatred, even, despite everything you’d gone through just to become civil. But you squeezed back, flashed a smile that didn’t quite reach your eyes. “Me too. You know, it’d be a lot worse if they set me up with a guy.”

“Why would they?” Jennie frowned in answer. “You came out on your own.”

“Unlike you, I didn’t prove it. You know Korea, you aren’t gay until you prove you are,” you sighed, scuffing your shoes against the cobblestones. “They wanted to set me up with a guy at first, but they decided that accepting YG’s offer for me to date you would be more beneficial.”

The other girl paused, and you didn’t quite dare to look up. “Oh. So you didn’t choose to help me, did you?”

You shook your head quietly, expecting Jennie to react badly. But she huffed out a breath and pushed your arm softly. “That’s okay. We’re friends, anyway, and it was hard for you to get us here already. I appreciate you, you know.”

Opening your mouth to respond, you noticed yet another camera flash, just between two buildings ahead of you. “What?” Jennie asked, following your gaze.

“I-- Don’t hate me for this, okay?” you whispered, stopping in the middle of the road. Before she could say anything, you placed your hands lightly on her jaw, pulling Jennie towards you; before your lips actually met, though, you gave her a second to pull away. Instead, she leaned forward just the slightest bit, barely enough to connect.

You didn’t quite dare to move, but Jennie’s hands rested on your waist and pulled you into her, just enough that your lips slotted together. You could barely hear the clicks of the camera, the warmth of the girl that you were kissing completely clouding your brain.

Before anything else happened, you released your grip and stepped away, lips suddenly cold. “I think that’s enough,” you whispered, linking your hands again and lowering your head.

Jennie laughed breathlessly and continued to stroll along when you prompted her to. “That’s all you have to say?”

“Um. Sorry?”

She only giggled harder at that, shoving you slightly. “What are you even sorry for? You’re a good kisser, Y/N.”

“Shut up,” you groaned, heat rising to your ears as you shoved her back. “How do you even say that with a straight face?”

“Hey, I had to listen to Lisa say ‘bitch I’m a star but not Patrick’, I think I can handle this,” Jennie joked. Despite all your effort not to, you found yourself staring at her smile again, losing yourself and any other worries bothering you in it, and her, once again.

Jennie frowned at her phone-- or actually, at the blankness of her texting history with you. After the little PR stunt at Garosu-gil, you hadn’t contacted her once, and she didn’t dare to surprise you at your apartment or properly ask you what was going on.

“Haven’t you heard the saying that a watched kettle never boils?”

“I’m pretty sure it’s a pot,” Jennie replied listlessly, still staring at her screen. “But I have heard it, yes. I’m just hoping the universe proves it false.”

Chaeyoung sighed and hugged her older member from behind, swaying back and forth. “Why don’t you just message her? Or go see her? Our manager won’t say anything about it if you just say it’s for PR.”

“It is,” Jennie frowned, turning to her member. The Australian girl raised an eyebrow, and Jennie bit her lip. “Okay. Maybe it isn’t.”

“It definitely isn’t,” Chaeyoung rolled her eyes. “I saw those kiss pics, you know. And no one kisses like that if it’s ‘just PR’. You like each other, unnie, and it’s time to face it.”

Jennie swatted Chaeyoung’s arm. “That’s so cheesy, shut up. But... do you really think I like her?”

“That’s a question for you to answer,” the younger girl pointed out. “But I’ve known you for close to a decade. If I’m right about this, and I’m sure I am, everything’s about to change for you.”

“Ugh, cheesy again,” Jennie groaned, but she stood hesitantly nonetheless. “But... I guess I’ll give it a shot.”

On her way down the stairs, the rapper dialed her manager on her phone and held it up to her ear while she waited for the dial tone to fade. “You’re driving me to Y/N’s house,” she said by way of greeting. “And it’s not just for PR.”

She was sure that no car ride had ever gone slower; Jennie fidgeted the entire way, cursing every bus that blocked her way and scowling as the sun began to set behind a set of buildings in the distance. The more she thought about it, the more definite it was-- she liked you, more than she thought she could like a person. And while that fact would’ve scared her, should’ve scared her, it didn’t. Because it was you, and nothing about you could scare her anymore.

Somehow, the process of buzzing herself in at the building’s front, taking the same elevator up to the 67th floor, and hurrying her way down blue-carpeted hallways had become familiar. Jennie knocked persistently on the door of your apartment and called out, “Hey, Y/N, let me in. It’s Jennie.”

It took a while for anything to happen, and Jennie was almost backing away by the time that the door finally cracked open. For once, the smile on your face was missing, replaced by a guarded, harsher expression than the other girl was used to seeing. “Jen. What’s up?”

“Uh,” she hesitated, “can I come in? I don’t think we can talk in the hallway.”

You looked like you wanted to say no, but with a pleading look from Jennie, you backed away and let the door swing open. Jennie shut it quietly, following you into the living room, where you stood with your arms crossed. “So. What can’t we talk about in the hallway?”

Jennie wanted to say outright the words that were beating in her throat, but the expression on your face alarmed her. You were like a stranger-- or, maybe, she realized that you had finally let your mask down. “I... Y/N, are you okay?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” you responded. Suddenly, the roles were reversed; Jennie was the one reaching out for you, maybe even chasing after you, and you were somehow the one who was turning away.

“Okay,” Jennie said quietly. You were about to turn away, probably assuming that she was going to leave, but if Jennie had learned anything from you, it was that she couldn’t give up that easily if she wanted you to open up. “What do you want from me?”

“I don’t want anything from you,” you responded instantly. Your words only hurt more when you didn’t look up from the television, continuing, “I don’t want you, and I don’t want anything from you--”

“You don’t get to say that to me.” Anger was once again rushing through Jennie’s veins, though not the kind of anger she was used to experiencing. No, she wasn’t mad at your words in the slightest, or even offended-- she was simply pissed off about the fact that you were shutting her down, and she didn’t know why. “Not when you were the one who started this. Y/N, you wanted me once, you don’t get to go back on that without an explanation,” Jennie gritted her teeth, gripping your forearms in her hands.

You finally turned when she shook you lightly, your face blank. “What, I don’t get to shut myself down? You did it the entire time I was trying, giving my all so that you’d talk to me or even just be civil.”

Jennie pleaded, “You succeeded, didn’t you? You’re right that I was a total bitch when all you were trying to do was be nice and make this tolerable for the both of us, but you succeeded. Okay? You-- you’ve made your place in my heart, and I’m not even angry about it. I just... I just like you that much.”

A derisive scoff escaped your lips as you twisted your arms out of her reach, stepping away. “You like me? Jennie, you don’t even know me. This me, the smiles and boba and everything, it’s a facade.” You threw your hands up in the air, biting down on your lip before sighing out, “It’s fake. All of it.”

“I know it isn’t,” Jennie shook her head desperately. She searched your eyes, scanned the sea of the color she’d grown to love, for some semblance of the person she remembered kissing her. “Look, you kissed me. And I know it was for the cameras, but you can’t tell me that you felt nothing from it. Y/N, you’re a good liar, but you can’t lie to me, not about this.”

You were quiet at that, glancing down at the floor as if you had nothing to say. “I didn’t,” you finally answered, tone firm. “Maybe you did, but I--”

Unable to stop herself, Jennie rushed forward again and tugged you into another kiss, her hands scrunching into the hair splayed over your shoulders. She was almost afraid that you’d push her away, curse her and throw her out of your apartment, but she felt your lips moving against yours. She felt your hands splay on her back, and she felt tears slipping down your face.

When you finally did push her away, it was gentle, though you were rough when you wiped the tears off your face. Jennie wished you’d speak first, but she brought herself to speak. “If your smiles were fake, think of the real ones you brought to me. Even if my smiles were from your facade, that’s still a part of you. I know that though you weren’t trying to, you let me see the real you. And I’m willing to see the rest of you,” Jennie smiled, clasping your hands within hers. Sometime along the way, she’d started crying too, but the salt of those tears was almost honeyed on her lips. “If you want me to.”

“I do,” you sighed, accepting the kiss that Jennie pressed to your forehead with a teary smile. “I want nothing more than that, Jen. And-- I’m sorry.”

“Why?” she laughed, wiping the tears of your face so much gentler than you did. “I know what I want now. It’s you, and it has been you since you tried buying me a green juice in that damn coffee place. I like you, Y/N. So much.”

You tucked your face into the crook of her neck and snaked your arms around her waist again. “I like you too. More than I ever thought I could.”

And maybe, just maybe, you knew what you wanted too. Somehow, that mask you wore had long been tossed to the side. Somehow, each kiss pressed to your face by the girl you never knew you needed to find lingered on your skin like the touch of a miracle, and the smile on your face was finally, finally genuine like you had always wanted it to be.

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sanstropfremir · 3 years

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I’d love your thoughts on BTS and their current image and music if you have them and aren’t afraid of the mindless internet hoards.

Personally, I liked a lot of their older stuff, but haven’t liked anything since I think the Fake Love promotions 3+ years ago. They’d started losing their personality and soul before that album cycle, but it feels like the sanitization of their image and artistry really kicked into hyperdrive after that. Now most of what they do seems like a sterile money grab driven by the Hybe hive mind which is a shame.

ok alrighty (cracks knuckles) let's get into it.

now that i've fully given myself a headache watching the majority of the bts videography, here are three points i'm going to cover:

performative character and the lack thereof

interesting aesthetics and the lack thereof, and

the inevitable cracking of perfection

ready, set, let's begin.

idol music is very clearly definited by spectacle based aesthetics. and it's had that structure for its entire existence. so i gotta hand it to hybe for this one, because they managed to revolutionize being utterly fucking average. the triumph of bts is that they're just some guys and they look like just some guys. hybe found a niche in the system and then gamed that system to the tune of one of the largest musical acts in the world. they're not marketing bts as a romantic parasocial relationship, they're marketing them as your friends. and that is just as insidious to lonely kids as a run of the mill romantic fantasy. but that's not what i'm here to talk about today.

there's a pattern i find very interesting with bts mvs and that is that i don't remember anything about them. specifically, i don't remember the stuff that's happening IN the video; not the styling, not the setpieces, if i didn't know the members i doubt i would remember them either. what i DO remember, is how expensive the production is, and specific shots. i couldn't tell you what a single member was wearing, but i sure as hell remember that first upward angle shot of jungkook and the rusted park ride in spring day. or every single time they do that birdseye shot of jin in like every video. honestly as far as i'm aware jin has only ever worn a loose fitting beige longsleeve shirt.

it took bts a long time to establish any kind of consistent visual character. and the character they did establish.... i don't know if you can call a family-friendly-style clean aesthetic 'character'. they debuted as a hip hop group to little (comparative) success, and then made a switch to doing an early version of where they're currently at right now. if you've seen any of the mvs, you know that this is a pretty significant visual change. i don't think it is inherently a bad change, since the visual branding for hiphop based groups always tips over into iffy terrritory, but it is dramatic enough and early enough that it doesn't strike me as a natural evolution. concept switch ups are common, but they usually work because the members have established a bit of character for themselves, used their performance abilities and presence to fit into a niche in the group. the idol mould is perfect for showcasing the performers; that's its function. the groups that are the most fun to watch are the ones with stage presence, the ones who know how to perform, who can act all the parts they need to play. and bts? 4/7 actual performers on a good day. in my personal opinion it's 2/7.

i'm gonna expand on what i said about jimin here (this is technically the first part of this series), because it does apply to the rest of the group on the whole:

and i think here is where we see the main crux of the difference between taemin and jimin as performers: taemin has both an artistic and an idol persona. we know and understand him to do solo work that has a separate artistic meaning to just him being an idol. even though this performance was pre-move, i would still say this applies, because he's hot off press your number, where he's acting in a story based mv. jimin on the other hand just has his idol persona. he's not known for creating the same kind of storytelling that taemin is.

bts has been very insistent on the image of the group as a single unit. despite having the size of fanbase and the revenue that would make any official solo debut a massive success, none of them have done any substantial solo work. this isn't artistically a problem, and i think it's very admirable of them to be so dedicated to the image and the legacy of the group, when that can be an uncommon trait in the industry. i do however, think it starts to become an issue when we want to discuss what the artistic visions and images of groups are. shinee taemin and solo taemin have two distinct artistic representations, and taemin himself will attest to that. it's the same with all the shinee members that have solo careers, and the same with other groups. jackson, bambam, yugyeom, and jaebeom's solo work is all very different from got7. yixing's solo work is very different from exo's. even the subunits within exo all have their own character (cbx and sc). kpop groups all ostensibly are trained under the same system, so why the disparity with bts? mostly, it's their brand of "authenticity." it's impossible to perform authentically, by the nature of performance as a medium it is unnatural, and tragically, not everyone is naturally interesting, or suited to performing: that's why the performing arts even exist in the first place. it required painstaking training to be good at performing; it is a complex set of skills and those skills are not learnt by "being authentic." being an idol is not just the singing, dancing, rapping; that's only half the work. you need to be able to act to be a compelling performer. pulling your true self and emotions out on stage every night is a fast track to burnout and psychological issues, there's plenty of evidence. the only member of bts of whom i can say for some certainty has a persona and a stage presence is jhope/hoseok, a) because he's kept up a very specific brand in the solo work that he has done, and b) he has actual dance training, not just kpop dance training. the rest of them may have the kpop dance and the kpop vocal training, but what they do not have is the ability to market themselves as compelling performers on stage. taehyung is the only other member i would hesitantly give a semblance of persona and ability to, but i think he stumbled onto that mostly by accident. and if all the pieces don't each have a distinctive colour, how can the whole machine be visually interesting?

bts may never have been able to establish an aesthetic brand, but what they did establish is an intellectual one. if you talk to a fan, the schtick they give is that "it's about the lyrics." as noble as having an intellectual or cerebral message is, what does that look like? how do you portray intellectual on stage, on film? what about intellectual is interesting to watch? cerebral, by it's literal nature as a descriptor, is very difficult to communicate in visual language because it is internal. to successfully communicate cerebrality and intellect in a short form medium like music videos requires a deft hand with metaphor that can elude even an experienced designer. and honestly? i don't know whether to applaud hybe's visual team for being the most successful subtle contemporary designers i've every seen, or to decry them as worst kpop designers i've ever seen. maybe both. regardless, i don't think they're able to cross the gap.

there are exactly four mvs where i actually remember the content of the mv and not the frame it sits in, and those are dna, idol, the singularity comeback trailer with taehyung, and war of hormone. and of an eight year career......that's not very many. these four mvs have at least an inkling of interesting spectacle and character, but even then, it's still a stretch. there is absolutely nothing to write home about in the styling for dna, other than it's well colour matched. I don't even know if I should include singularity because it involves none of the other members. idol is probably their most interesting mv because it actually has alternative styling and varies (at least a little bit) from the standard hybe boom crane shot-that-shows-off-how-we-can-afford-big-studio-spaces-and-locations. the company and the group would be loathe to admit it, but war of hormone is a well designed and interesting mv for the time it was made, with a well crafted gimmick and some actual showing of character from the members. it was the start of a potential that they squashed quite quickly because it wasn't picking up in the hiphop-group-saturated market of 2014. but the rest of their mvs? remarkably uninspired styling. like it's truly impressive how boring the styling is. and like i've said, that is the triumph in their aesthetics: they all look like normal dudes (if you had professional skin + makeup techs looking after them for the last 8 years).

all of this is a carefully crafted image that's tailored to hooking an audience, especially an international one. the mvs are boring in the relative scale of kpop, but they're just different enough from a western pop mv to catch attention. and once you do sink a hook, there's a direct clickfunnel of content that bills itself on these men being "authentic" and "self-producing," which is a huge draw to international fans, because people are racist and believe that the kpop industry is a factory that produces idols like clones, where none of them know how to do anything other than sing and dance and all the music is just handed to them by companies. and they have SO much content that there's no way a new fan can get to it all in a timely manner, so they'll never have to engage with any other kpop artists' work if they don't actively seek it out. but that's another essay for another time.

that brings us to current day, in which at least the last five bts releases have been in the same aesthetic vein of positive, sanitized, and pristine. i said it in one of my txt responses and i will say it again here: money scrubs the humanity from the aesthetic of living. minimalism is for rich white people. hybe and bts may have pivoted their style and brand directly into the lane of mass appeal, but when you pair that with the amount of money funding them, there's a cognitive dissonance between the message and the aesthetics in which it's portrayed. some people do like the clean cut looks, and i won't say that they don't work, but as you've likely gleaned from this response, it isn't my style and if you've been around and reading my writing for longer you'll know that my tastes runs much closer to the messy and the weird, so very little about any of bts' visuals have appeal to me. i do find the contradiction of applying the appeal of radical relatability with the aesthetics of expansive (and expensive) minimalism interesting; it's an extremely fine line that hybe is walking and eventually they are going to tip over, the porcelain mask will not hold forever. maintaining the all ages aesthetic is going to be difficult now that all of them are grown ass men. with other groups of this member age and generation there's very obviously been a shift to a more adult tone, and not necessarily explicitly. got7, mx, nu'est, btob, shinee, 2pm, and groups that have older members like a.c.e and sf9 have all made slow shifts in tone that are undeniably aimed at a maturing audience: they know their core fanbases are aging with them and they (the fans) are not as interested in the 'boy' in boy group. and most of them have telltale visual styles, enough so that i can distinguish a specific group's mv. the last year and change of mx mvs have a very distinctive character; got7 too, since easily as far back as if you do. i can always tell an a.c.e mv by its impeccable fashion and formic styling, and although shinee has always had a more experimental aesthetic edge, their sound and voices are unmistakable.

honestly, i can't predict what bts is going to do in the future, but i personally don't believe they can keep up their clean aesthetic indefinitely without some fallout. part of the fun of following bands is watching them grow musically, and the last couple of years of bts haven't felt like growth. there are fans that have already started realizing it, and there's likely to be more soon.

---

the third part is here, which is a short followup about some of bts' industry influence.

#this is long one dear readers #a very long one #strap in #i've sat on this for probably a week now in the hopes my brain can make some interesting connections but honestly?#not a lot about bts is interesting in comparision to the rest of the kpop industry #personally i am of the opinion that lyrics do not matter in idol music and i am not interested in them in the slightest #and bts videos ARE extremely bland visually #unless you like looking at expensive production. whatever floats your boat i guess #they make a lot of sense as an entry kpop group but once you get actually into the industry there is SO much happening #which i talk about in the third part a little bit #this is way too long i am so sorry anon and everyone else who has been asking about this topic #im not entirely sure it's coherent at this point but whatever. its out there now #i wanted this to be under 1k and that emphatically did not happen #it is double that. why am i like this #875 #kpop questions #kpop analysis #group analysis #text #answers

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nightswithkookmin · 4 years

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Goldy I never thought I would reach out to any Jikook blog but after your last post I have to. I am an east asian american and trans. I have never spoken on this issue, commented or posted about this. I am a Jikook supporter but sometimes Jikook supporting blogs don't feel like the friendliest place. I want to thank you for changing my opinion on that. It is an insult to BTS to say Jikook don't know they seem gay or that they don't know what gay looks like. It is an insult to fans like me to say it would be OK to do the things they do if they were cisgendered straight men. I personally saw a few people say or dance around this and they got intimidated by big blogs for it. I would never name names because I beleive in free speech and the right of people to express themselves, as long as it isn't hate speech. Supporting lgbt people and making sure they don't feel endangered is MORE IMPORTANT THAN STANNING A KPOP BAND and I say this as a 4 year long bts and Jikook stan. So many people don't want to touch this issue and I understand why.

But thank you for supporting ACTUAL lgbt people as well as bts and showing stubborn people that BTS mean gay rights when they say gay rights.

I don't know why but this Ask made me cry...

I've been reading it over and over for the past two days and each time I feel humbled by it. Thanks so much for sharing this with me.

I think the era of the obsessed 'kids' and '13 year old shippers' in this space is coming to an end. I think it's time for a more nuanced mature conversation on what it means to ship and stan our faves in today's sociopolitical climate.

Let's intellectualize shipping and use it as a vehicle for social change not just pleasure. Sabotaging political hashtags is a start. Trending and donating to BLM is equally important. Fighting for gay rights and recognition is the next step and a natural progression from here- and about damn time!

Gone are the days where celebrities and idols were immune to accountability and personal responsibility. We live in a world where everyone is required to be converstant in and sensitive to social issues. Awareness is woven into our collective consciousness and for some of us we cannot divorce that from our pleasure receptors.

Hate to quote my pastor but, 'As a kid, I spoke, thought and reasoned like a kid. As I grew up, chilee darling, I put my ghetto ways aside. You feel me?' Lol. Yea, my pastor hood like that. Lol.

The fact of the matter is, BTS has a higher mature demographics now. Majority of us grew with them, if not past them. They are not seventeen anymore, Jin is almost thirty, the youngest in the group is past twenty three and majority of their fanbase are breaching Young Adult well into Adulthood and beyond.

We simply cannot view them with the same lens anymore. If we did, we would be infantilizing them if not enabling them.

We ought to be able to have certain conversations that reflect our age, hearts, backgrounds, experience, values and beliefs.

We can't sit behind our television sets and smart phone screens in this day and age and assume BTS sat through a performance like this and did not for a second think about what it meant, why the crowd cheered at certain moments or even understand the impact, message and intent behind it- especially not when Halsey, an openly bisexual woman and advocate for LGBTG rights is an acquaintance of thiers.

I don't know how a fraction of this fandom can assume BTS would have a collaboration of this nature and not know anything about the gay rights discourse or what queer baiting is or not consider how their actions may or may not be contributing to the marginalization of persons as these- to not have agency and personal responsibility or empathy.

JK cannot stan a gay artist such as Troye Sivan and divorce his music from his sexuality because it flows from it. Not when Troye has openly spoken about the struggles he went through as a closeted gay man, coming out and how that affected his mental health.

JK knows what gay is, he is aware of the struggles queer people face on a daily. His decision to cover, license and recommend songs by this artist is a deliberate act coming from a place of being informed on the matter.

Jimin knows. RM knows. Suga knows.

BTS cannot prepare a speech like this while oblivious to the plight of the LGBTQ plus community. I refuse to believe that simply because it's not true. Anyone who says otherwise is a scammer. Lol.

And I think they are intelligent enough to have cognisance of the fact majority of the world view certain aspects of their home culture as problematic and non-progressive and that this same world is watching them and what they do in this space matters.

They are part of the conversation. And it's in their interest to present themselves as queer a queer friendly band and company by distinctifying themselves from these 'traditional' Kpop bands.

I believe they know that being woke gives them a competitive advantage as MCs and advocates for the youth in today's world.

I believe they are aware certain things in their 'fan service culture' doesn't fly in the space they compete in and want to compete in. They are competing and rubbing shoulders with top LGBTQ plus advocates, sharing seats with them at awards, standing next to them- they best to look sharp.

It's obtuse for anyone to fall on the 'culture' rhetoric to excuse certain behaviors of their idols when actual queer people from and within that same culture fight against it.

Most S. koreans I know and have come across complain about their 'culture' and some even harbor strong resentments against this whole fanservice culture.

Holland, an openly gay Idol from South Korea, has equally spoken out against the 'fan service' culture prevalent within Kpop on several occasions and laments how it depoliticizes queerness and affects actual queer people within S.K.

And isn't it funny that the same conservative Christian population who strongly oppose homosexuality in S.K often lead online campaigns against Jikook for 'promoting homosexuality' because of certain fanservice and skinship they do?

If skinship is normal and fanservice is culture, why does conservative S.K keep pushing back against it? It's their culture uno?! Lmho.

Queer south Koreans and conservative Christians hate fanservice culture and yet here we are using their culture to defend it as if it's all black and white. Lmho.

Did they or did they not see South Korean's reactions to this performance by Jikook? The mixed feelings most had about it?

Men can nibble on men's ear but God forbid they toss them in the air and catch em💀

South Koreans are not a monolith. Their culture is nuanced like any culture. It's not static and not clear cut black and white either.

It's one thing to respect other's culture, it's another to perpetuate it in ignorance. Perpetuating their culture and being religious about it does not allow for the dynamism inherent in their culture.

Troye Sivan talked about how he'd stop in the middle of his concerts and performances upon seeing the hyper fangirls in the front row and then think to himself, 'I know they know I'm gay, so why are they still here...'

And this was before he came out.

Jikook know we know they are queer or that we think of them as queer. When Jimin talks about 'those that love me for me' he knows exactly what he is talking about or rather who he is talking to- it's not these hets I'm afraid.

Troye also talked about being privileged because he lived in a rather queer friendly neighborhood where everyone is gay and so he'd always felt safe coming out.

Isn't that what JK is doing?

Now this is a person who's without a doubt had a lot of influence on JK in his early formative years as an Idol right down to his decision to move into a much queer friendly neighborhood of Itaewon.

They know we know. Jikook is gay.

Thankfully, there are reports of a rising number of LGBTQ plus in South Korea, a lot of allies, a lot of queer folks coming out and a lot of companies opening up to working with gay idols and aspiring idols.

It's such a relief but a lot of work still needs to be done and I stand with them on behalf of Jikook and any queer folk in SK.

My sister is helping me reach out to an LGBTQ plus advocate from Seoul for an interview for my blog. If everything goes well, I'd love for her to share her thoughts on queer passing, queer baiting and fan service within Kpop and how that affects LGBTQ youth in South K.

It's a conversation I'm really passionate about and interested in.

I love me some ships, but I also love me some queer advocacy and human rights uno? Lol.

Thing is, I may quit BTS one day, but I can never quit being me. Being human. Always put the human first is my motto.

Oh and I hear people are plotting to cancel me? Chilee. Y'all do that but:

Let it echo.

Signed,

GOLDY

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k-llama-llama · 5 years

Text

Found a Stray

SuperM/WayV AU: 8th member

YinYin x SuperM/WayV/NCT

YinYin encounters Tori for the first time - and finds herself roped into someone

A/N:ALSO FYI check out my patreon (patreon.com/kllamallama for exclusive posts!)

Requests are Open…and your feedback is still super important to me.

Masterlist and other Follow Me links in bio!

YinYin did not enjoy award shows.

It too often involved short skirts, extended periods of sitting with nothing to do, the screaming of crowds, and, given the size of NCT, they were often split up in seating.

Which was how she found herself now. Sitting on the row of benches in front of the rest of NCT, struggling to keep her legs together and prevent her skirt from riding up. There were fans standing everywhere below the artists’ platform, and one slip up from her and they’d see everything.

“Yin?” Someone hissed.

She turned, finding Mark and Taeyong, the two closest members, leaning down to talk to her.

“Are you okay?” Mark asked, patting his legs to symbolize her skirt.

She nodded with a tight smile. “Yeah, it’s all good. We’re only here until our performance, anyways.”

“You want my jacket?” Taeyong offered, already starting to shrug out of it. Given that they were in the male artists section, there was a shortage of resources to cover her legs.

It was chilly in the venue, so she shook her head. “I’m fine, really.”

“If you’re sure.” He looked unconvinced. “Let us know if you need anything.”

“Will do.” She turned back to the stage as Twice’s performance began to set up.

She was so focused on watching Twice try not to wipe out on the slippery stage that she almost didn’t notice when a figure plopped down next to her.

“There we go, that should cover both of us.” Someone spread a blanket across her lap, scooting close to share.

YinYin turned, finding herself face to face with the only female member of Stray Kids, Tori.

“Hi.” She said, a little shocked at how close she was.

“Hi!” Tori beamed. “Sorry, I saw Mark freaking out so I made Jisung switch seats with me because I think I - Oh my gosh Momo almost slipped - I think I have the only blanket on this side of the venue. It’s so inconsiderate to not have them everywhere, don’t you think? Male idols get cold to and I really don’t feel like showing everyone what I have under this skirt, you feel me?”

“Ummm...” YinYin blinked.

“Oh right,” Tori shook her head and extended her hand in for a greeting. “Sorry, I’m Tori. I sometimes forget that I don’t already know people when I’ve seen so many of their videos. You’re YinYin, yeah?”

“Uh, yes.” YinYin carefully shook her hand. “Nice to meet you.”

It wasn’t that she didn’t want to talk to Tori, it was just that she was so incredibly disarmed by the situation.

Tori was incredibly pretty, not in a supermodel type of way, but like the friendliest girl next door that every male idol would have a crush on. Her face was spread into a bright smile, her kind eyes sparkling, and a spattering of freckles across her nose that were barely concealed by her makeup. She was wearing a strapless black dress, with the hemline hidden under the blanket that they shared. YinYin realized that she was mixed, and somehow recalled Mark saying that Tori was Canadian. Not that you could tell, because she babbled in Korean like someone who had spoken the language for years.

“Nice to meet you too.” Tori turned back to the stage. “Sorry if this is weird. I just thought I could share. I can switch back if you-”

“No.” YinYin smiled. “It’s kind of nice to have some company.”

“I know, right?” Tori smiled, happy to have finally found common ground. “They always make us sit in the guys section. And I mean, I love my boys but sometime I want to talk to other girls.”

“I know what you mean.” YinYin laughed. “I can only sit next to Lucas for so long, so it’s nice to be with someone else.”

“Lucas...the tall one?” Tori held a hand up to fully illustrate that he was, in fact, tall.

“Yeah. He’s very chatty.”

“Oh, but I am too!” Tori held a hand to her chest. “Do you not like that?”

“No, no! It’s nice coming from someone else.” YinYin promised.

“Thank goodness.” Tori sighed. “I have to be honest, I’m not the best at making friends.”

“What?” YinYin blinked. “That can’t be true.”

“It is! Most of the time it’s chance. Like right now, because I wanted to share my blanket.” She gave a firm nod. “Solidarity, or whatever.”

“I really do appreciate it, I was sure I’d slip up and show everyone my - jeez did they grease the stage or something?” YinYin gasped as Dahyun’s feet scrambled for balance.

“They’re wearing heels too.” Tori shook her head. “I can barely walk in these things.” She kicked her leg forward, showing off a pair of black stilettos.

“Tell me about it.” YinYin laughed, showing off her own silver heels. “At least they don’t make me dance in them. I have way too many flips for that.”

“Flips.” Tori blinked once, before her face lit up into a grin. “You guys are performing later, right? Will we get to see- “ Almost as quickly as she’d smiled, a frown graced her face. “But it’s so slippery, you could fall and hurt yourself.”

“We might change up the routine.” YinYin reassured her. “I had one really bad fall on a slippery stage so now we take out my flips if it’s dangerous.”

“Oh, good.” Tori sighed in relief. “I was nervous. I-”

“You guys okay down there?”

They both turned around to face Mark and Taeyong.

“Hi, guys!” Tori gave a friendly wave.

YinYin’s mouth dropped as both boys actually blushed.

“Hey, Tori.” Mark gave a small smile. “Having fun?”

“Oh yeah.” Tori linked arms with YinYin. “I’ve replaced you.”

“What? I thought we were bros for life.” He complained.

Yinnie laughed, leaning closer to Tori and deciding to play along. “Well, now we’re bros for life.”

“But we-”

“Shhh...” YinYin hushed them. “Watch the show.”

They girls turned away, giggling to themselves as they left the boys speechless.

“I miss hanging out with other girls.” YinYin sighed, gesturing to where Twice was beginning to perform Feel Special, “I totally should’ve been in a girl group. Good conversation, nice outfits, not falling into the toilet because -”

“Someone forgot to put the seat down!” Tori exclaimed. “Is that like a universal thing? Urgh, last time it happened I threw Seungmin’s toothbrush in the toilet as punishment.”

“Boys are the worst.” YinYin sighed.

“Yeah.” Tori sighed too.

Still, both of them were fully aware that they wouldn’t change anything about their groups.

“We should hang out sometime.” Tori suggested. “You could teach me one of your flips.”

“Sure. You’re a dancer, right? It shouldn’t be too hard.”

“It’s a date then.” Tori smiled.

“I’ve got all of the free time,” YinYin added. “None of my groups are promoting right now.

“None of your-” Tori trailed off, blinking rapidly. Her mouth parted just a little bit, before she looked at YinYin, excitement on her face.

“You’d fit so well, but you’re already in SuperM, but you’d get along so well with Zo and it’d be so-”

“Um, Tori?” YinYin waved her hand in front of the other girl’s face. “Are you okay?”

Tori ignored her, reaching down to pat TXT’s Soobin on the shoulder.

“Soobin, can you switch seats with Sara?” Tori asked when he turned to look at her.

“Uh, sure.” He stood, shuffling to the other end of their bench. Sara looked confused, until she spotted Tori, and stood to switch. Another girl who was unfairly beautiful, Sara had luckily been dressed in a long skirt with a tight long-sleeve top, making her look effortlessly elegant as she lowered herself into the seat in front of them. “Hey, Tor.” She smiled. “YinYin, right?”

“Yeah, it’s nice to-”

“Soo-ji, I think I found our girl.” Tori exclaimed.

“What?”

“For...” She looked around, before talking through her teeth in an effort to be discreet. “Zoey’s little project.”

“What project?” YinYin asked.

The other girls ignored her.

Sara studied her. “She is a good dancer, and could balance out Sumi and I.”

“Sumi? Why is Sumi-”

“And she’s super nice too.” Tori grinned. “And we were told to make our own friend and I did it.”

Sara thought for a long moment, before nodding. “We should run it by Zoey and Sumi, but I think it’ll be fine.”

“Can someone tell me what’s going on?” YinYin begged.

“Did you not tell her?” Sara gave Tori a scolding look, before turning back to YinYin. “We’re kind of in the process of making a girls’ supergroup. And due to...unforeseen circumstances we need a new member. And Tori just found you.

“Found me?”

“Like an abandoned kitten.” Tori hugged YinYin’s arm. “Please, please please? Just come out and talk to the others. They’ll love you and then we can all be in a group together.”

“A group.” YinYin swallowed. On one hand, she was already in a super group, but on the other hand, she’d never really had a chance to promote with other girls before. And Zoey was one of Kpop’s most legendary performers.

Plus, Tori didn’t really seem like she planned on taking no for an answer.

“Sure.” She said finally. “What’s the harm in meeting with them?”

“Yay!” Tori clapped her hands. “This is going to be awesome. Do you like bubble tea?”

“Wha- I...yes?”

“Great.” Tori gave Sara a little kick with her foot. “I hope you like fun flavours because Soo-ji is boring.”

“I like simple flavours.” Sara protested. “Your drinks are confusing.”

“Fun.” Tori corrected. “YinYin, what kind of bubble tea do you like?”

This felt like a test.

“Um, I like the green tea ones.”

Tori grimaced, and Sara smiled.

“I like her.” Sara decided. “We can keep her.”

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eternallovers65 · 4 years

Text

I was watching ikon tv on YouTube again and that made me look at a bunch of old clips from kpop, and I just want to say FUCK THE BIG 3 SO MUCH OR ANY OTHER COMPANY THAT TREATS IDOLS LIKE SHIT

JYPE

Blatantly favoritism over Twice and Stray Kids, which leads to overworking them, and zero to nonexistent comebacks to got7 and day6 (idk about itzy bc I'm not a fan). For example in 2018, Twice had 6 comebacks (japanese/singles included) and in both 2017/19 they had 5 (japanese/singles included) Stray Kids on the year they debuted, 2018, had 4 and in 2019 they had 5 (japanese/singles included).

This situation got so bad that during a vlive Jeongyeon cried because of how overworked she was. She, Mina and Jisung had to take a break from promotion, I know that those breaks were in different eras but I think that there's a link on why only members of the most overworked groups needed a break.

Also Got7 has like zero promotion, when they had the world tour ahgases were the ones to promote then, because jype didn't bought ads. The boys songs were refused so many times, Mark's schedule were canceled so he couldn't meet his family. They refused to give a solo career to Yugyeom and Mark, when they failed to protect the boys from the sasaengs which lead them moving out so many times and on why Jackson got injured.

Edit: I am more than glad to say that today, 10th of January, all members of Got7 are leaving Jype. #Got7forever💚 I love you boys, thank you for 7 years of happiness, and I'll proudly continue to support all of you

How they forced that visual and hairstyle on Jeongyeon, even tho she didn't wanted it, she said during a vlive that she wanted to grow her hair but the company used to cut shorter everytime. They are extremely strict with the weight and the food, a few artists like Sunmi already said that. Somi has told some stories about how they had to sneak food and hide eating in the bathroom, and when Momo was forced to lose 7kg in seven days only to appear in a showcase.

The famous situation flag situation with Tzuyu. She was 16 when that happened, she introduced herself as Taiwanese and held the Taiwan flag as well. Which lead to many to many chinese users saying she was a pro-independence activist, she was barred from the Chinese television and suspended of all her activities in China. 2 months later, on the day of the election in Taiwan, Jype posted a video of her reading an apology saying that there's only one China and she is extremely proud to be Chinese. She was 16 at the time, and you can see during the video that she is so scared, sad and clearly hesitating on saying what she's reading, the whole video just has this weird, forced vibes. The 3 presidential candidates said that video was too cruel for a 16 year old girl and that she didn't need to apologize.

I will never forgive yg for disbanding 2ne1, for not helping G-Dragon when he was accused of plagiarism and started suffering from depression but had to continue with the promotion. Same thing with Top that was diagnosed with social anxiety and depression, and suffered a overdose because of the marijuana scandal but yg had also nothing to say.

For releasing Hanbin in a DAY because of false accusations, while it took them WEEKS to release s***gri and only after he released a statement saying that he was leaving bigbang. And for not telling the public or for not defending Jennie during that time everyone were saying she was lazy when in fact she had an ankle injury, but still continued the promotions.

Whether we like to admit or not, SM is probably the best company in the kpop history if we're talking about success, they have a formula that works over and over again, it's a pattern, we can especially see it in Suju, Shinee, Exo and Nct. But omg they have zero compassion for their idols.

Starting from the training, we all know the training for the debut is really difficult, but a lot of people say that between all the companies SM is the worst one, they are extremely strictly and controlling , especially the managers who abuse the power. They have this curated-ness that is quite toxic, and leads to an incredibly perfectionistic and controlling management system. Kai used to practice 8 hours a day so that everything was perfect, like surely work it out bc Kai is one of the best dancers in the industry, but still that's a lot of hours you're basically overworking yourself (I think)

As a result, many idols have even more outstandingly brutal beauty standards than there already are in the kpop industry generally. especially intense weight-loss standards, Taeyeon already said this, during the first 5 years of GG she was constantly battling with eating disorders. Baekhyun has this diet where, instead of eating the food he only chews and then spits out, Sehun in 2017 (I think) had this stage on the Exo tour and he said that he spend an entire month on diet, so he could do that stage. Taemin said on a few episodes of Mtopia that he was on a diet, but you can clearly see that he was extremely thin. Also they have a part in their contracts about plastic surgery, you can see that almost every SM artist has done it a double eyelid surgery.

The blatantly favoritism over Korean idols and the mistreats that happens with idols that aren't Korean (especially with they're chinese), as we saw many times already with examples like Tao, Kris, Luhan, Lay, Winwin, Ten and Lucas before they joined WayV. Or favoritism with certain members of groups, like Taeyong in Nct, of course that favoritism is a part of their formula but still pretty fucked up.

They have such a questionable promotion, like I already read once about. They said that SM promotes the new groups so they can form a better fan base and that way no longer will need the promotion, but still this is extremely bad. Like with BoA, Tvxq or Suju who are still relevant but we barely hear news about them because SM doesn't promote then, and I can already see this with Exo especially in their latest comeback.

They manage mental health horrifically. Like with Taeyeon in 2014/15 when a member (bc SM treated Jessica as garbage) of her group had to leave, which lead to the midia saying it was her fault alongside with the hate she received at that time because of her relationship with Baekhyun, that lead to her depression and eating disorders. Same thing happened with Baek, although he didn't receive the same amount of hate, he still had to suffer with his relationship being in the spotlight while 3 members of his group left, because AGAIN SM treated them as fucking garbage.

For stop carrying about f(x), as a result lead to a witch hunt on Victoria saying that it was her fault for that happening, for Sulli who was suffering from a mental illness but never received a break nor the protection from the media that used to say that she was a bad example. For Jonghyun who was also suffering from depression but never got any help or a break.

And our latest examples Irene and Chanyeol. I don't approve Irene's actions, but the fact that the media is so ruthless with her it's ridiculous and even more ridiculous of SM to not defend their idol, especially when there's so many other celebrities that are WAY worse than her. And for Chanyeol, who was accused of cheating on his girlfriend 10 times, but SM had nothing to say or to defend his image. It took the fans for that to happen, the fans were the ones to find out that was a fake and cover up scandal so the news about the government crisis were not to be seen.

They are so bad at dealing with idol apologies, like why did Taeyong in 2016 had to apologize for something he didn’t do, but they never had anyone apologize for their racist or the cultural appropriation that the idols have done many times already in a lot of mvs????

That's why I hate the kpop industry and the media so fucking much, bc they're ruthless and assholes who are putting so much pressure on the idols, who in the end of the day are humans and are deserving of things like love, privacy and a break to take care of themselves. I truly adore kpop and the dramas, but I'd stop watching and listening with all of my heart if it means that they would stop treating humans beings as fucking trash! They deserve so much more!

Thank you for coming to my ted talk!

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jjmorelikeotp · 4 years

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And also how many of your idol otps could have actually be a thing if homophobia wasn't a thing like...even if some assumptions end up being right (not that we have a right to assume/judge/guess whatever, I mean it ain't none of my (or anyone elses) business and I'd never make anyone uncomfortable by asking, but as a part of the lgbt community I do wonder sometimes, yk?)

Just...hear me out. Statistically, looking at how big the groups are, some CAN include one or more than one none-straight member. And I definetely do think that somewhere somewhen, there were real crushes involved at least. The thing is, as an idol group you have to FUNCTION, and working together is really hard especially when you're in a huge same sex group and you have to wonder if someone may have a thing for you. (Based on the korean mindset if yk what I mean.)

These groups shower together, eat together and sleep together, and what makes them bond so often is that they constantly fear for their future together. So many would never let anything get in the way of success because the road is just too hard, so even if there is a mutual attraction between two members or more or whatever, I am not sure if anyone would actually act on it. You get me? Imagine this whole cancel-culture and I-have-to-fear-for-my-life-if-I-out-myself wasn't a thing.

There could be bandmates dating each other. I am just saying. Like, that could be a normal thing.

Again, I don't even have someone in mind right now, I just wonder because in the world we live in, homophobia is still a thing and it can threaten lives, especially there. And also cancel culture is a big thing.

Now, with the new gen coming, I see a LOT of changes, even in the dynamics of many groups in total and I also saw so much transformation in things of that topic in the 4th gen, that I am pretty sure we're on the way. Somme attended pride, openly support lgbt and blm, and IK that has happened before but the amount of idols in general is growing.

I know some old patterns are going to break soon.

This is NOT about ships.

But imagine idols openly (privately, but not hidden yk) trying out dating each other. Hah, gotta normalize the whole idol dating thing first.

What I'm trying to say is: You cannot tell me that with ALL of these groups out there including so many people that there has never been a couple wirhin the same group. Or at least a mutual feelings situation. Not because I want to know WHO or when, I just think it's sad to think about how they could have been together happily, maybe even out and open, while or after promoting. I just wonder if the fear or a crashing dream ever destroyed a relationship and it would not suprise me if you look at the kpop industry and what has happened there already. Just because people don't ??? Support??? LOVE????

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itsyourboychristopher · 4 years

Photo

--bang chan--

words - 4.5k

warnings - phone sex, mutual masturbation, hints of D/s, slight angst, bunch of fluffy and sassy couple talk

note - i had to reupload cause apparently trying to fix the warnings on my phone fucked everything up, but here you guys go!

--------------------

You stared at your phone screen, completely entranced by the Instagram video in front of you. It wasn’t anything too crazy, just a short video of your boyfriend Chan during the fan chant video for Levanter. You had watched the video earlier when it had first released, and here you were watching it again for the thousandth time. Between his hair, the eyebrow slit, and just that fucking face… he just looked so good.

“Hellooo…? G’day, mate!”

Wincing, you jerked your head back into your pillow in shock as you heard Chan’s voice loudly in your ear. “What the hell was that for?”

“I called your name like five times. You kind of zoned out on me. Is everything okay? if you need to go to bed, you can. You don’t have to stay up to talk to me, you know.”

“Uhm... to be completely honest, I got distracted,” you answered as you rolled onto your left side. Making sure the blankets didn’t twist as you continued to lie in bed staring at your phone, you snuggled into your mattress.

Chan gasped dramatically, making you roll your eyes in fondness. “How dare you? And here I was telling you an amazing story.”

“Oh?” Your eyebrows rose. “What kind of story?”

“Mhm. May I ask what got you so distracted?”

Fixing your headphones that had gotten tangled when you turned on your side, you made a sound in your throat as if you were thinking about it. “I mean I guess, but you have to be cool about it.”

Chan’s voice went from teasing to curious. “Cool in what way?”

“Well…” You watched the video of him one more time before smiling wickedly. “I found myself distracted by this really hot guy I found on Insta.”

You could practically hear the badly hidden jealousy in his voice, and you took a moment to relish in it. “Oh? ...What’s his name?”

“I think his name is Bang Chan? I don’t know,” you teased as your smile softened. “I think he’s in some kind of kpop group. They recently posted a video on YouTube of a fan chant? I don’t know what those are or even what they’re saying, but this Chan Bang guy really just looks hot as hell. His hair is tousled and kind of off of his forehead, and that one prominent dimple when he smiles? Mmmmm,” you fake a whiny groan. “And that eyebrow slit? Fuck.”

A slight sound on his end was heard after your fake whine, and you smirked while watching the video again. A hint of warmth caused a short throb in your clit, and you remembered just how sexy he could be when jealous. “There’s just something about him that’s so attractive. I would totally leave you for him to be quite honest.”

He chuckled. “You don’t say.”

“Oh, yeah. ...Hey! You live in Korea, he lives in Korea; do you think there’s any way that you can get me his number?”

You knew he was probably rolling his eyes at you at this point. If you didn’t know any better, you also thought that he was most likely blushing from the compliments. The two of you had known each other for so long that you practically knew him better than he knew himself, even though he lived a 20 hour plane ride away.

“Yes,” he replied back with a hint of sarcasm. “Let me totally get my manager to contact his manager, and I will one hundred percent be behind you leaving me, your long-term boyfriend of three years, so you can date this ‘Chan Bang’ dude.”

“Thanks, babe! Who knows, maybe I’ll let you watch us have sex for funsies.”

“I can’t wait,” he deadpanned. “Oh! That reminds me actually. Did you ask off for the tour? Hopefully I can see you at least once since I’m coming to Miami and you live in Orlando now. That’s only what, five hours?”

“In good traffic, yeah,” you agreed. Narrowing your eyes in confusion for a moment, you chuckled quietly. “How did me talking about sex remind you of the tour?”

Chan jokingly scoffed, earning a judgy face from you. “Because it’s been six months since I’ve last physically saw you in front of me, and I’m horny as hell and want to have amazing sex with my precious girlfriend who I love deeply.”

You felt a blush erupt onto your cheeks from his words. After taking a moment to calm down, you winced, and hoped he wouldn’t be able to tell that you were going to lie to him. “Uhm, well… that’s the thing? I don’t think I’ll be able to make it.”

It became quiet on his end, and while you knew you were actually going to be there for most of the tour because your manager understood the situation and allowed you the time off, you still wanted to try and surprise him. You were going to be able to be with him for weeks, and even share a room with him, and you wanted to personally see the smile on his face when you told him so. The silence from him though told you how much this lie hurt him, and it brought an anxiety pain to your chest. It’ll all be worth it when I surprise him in Atlanta. I just have to keep telling myself that. His reaction will be worth it.

“Really?” He finally asked quietly with a hint of raspiness in his voice. “I thought you said that your GM could most likely give it to you? You said since the tickets and everything were gonna be paid for, that you just needed the time off since you have your savings from the money I send you.”

“Yeah, I still wish you’d stop sending me money-”

“-I’d spend it on you regardless, even if you actually lived here-”

“-and I thought he’d let me, but since I just recently got promoted to being a manager, it’s a little harder than I thought. You know how Disney property is… the tourist season never ends.” You heard Chan sniffle, almost making you want to give in and apologize. Just knowing that you were hurting him even if you were making it up to him later made this hurt you way more than you expected. “Baby, please.”

“But you don’t work for Disney, you’re third party, so you said it was easier to ask off.” He sniffled again before clearing his throat. “LIke I know that I kind of signed up for this when we decided to go out and were finally able to but wow, this really sucks. Why don’t you seem more upset by this? It means it’ll be almost a full year before the next time we can see each other again in person, and not over FaceTime or just talking on the phone.”

You felt tears sting your eyes at the reminder of the distance, making you bite the inside of your cheek as you attempted to hold them back. “Trust me,” your voice cracked a little bit without meaning to. “I am upset, I just didn’t want to let you know how much.”

He sniffled loudly at the slight whine in your voice, and you heard things shuffling in the background as if he was wiping his eyes. “This is definitely not how I intended this phone call to go.”

“I know, Chan. I’m so sorry. ...How did you intend it to go?”

“Well,” he cleared his throat a few times as if he was trying to return to the earlier moment. “I was trying to tell the story about my last trip to the gym so I could hopefully turn this into phone sex, but now…”

“Oo, you know how much I love gym stories.”

Chan snickered quietly, making you smile, and you slowly felt the grief from before lifting. “I know, that’s why I was surprised when you said you got distracted, but now knowing that it was because of a video of me and that it was turning you on…?”

“If you’re still down for it, I’m totally into turning this back into a phone sex call. It’s been a minute, and to be honest, all of these videos of you have been teasing me. Plus those new pics and vids of you as an airline captain? Fuck, Chan.”

“I miss you so much and I’m always so fucking horny; I’m always down, baby girl.”

The warmth from earlier returned to your crotch, making you bite your lip as you rolled onto your back and let your left hand roam down to your breast. “I actually prepared a surprise for you to make up for not being able to go on tour. I’m not sure if you can handle it.”

He groaned. “What kind of surprise?”

“How much time do you have before you need to go? And are you in a ‘not safe for work or the kids’ space?”

“Mmm…” He was quiet for a second, probably checking his schedule. “It’s 3:37P now, and we were gonna have dinner before getting everything prepared for Inkigayo so… an hour? And the boys are in different places. The only one home is Hannie-ah, and his room is on the other side of the house. Plus my door is locked, so even if my roomies came home, I’m pretty sure that after years of living with me they know that if I’m on the phone it’s most likely with you, and they know to most likely stay away.”

Your nipple had become hard underneath your shirt from your teasing. You pinched it which made you release a small groan as he finished speaking.

“Baby girl,” he growled. “What’s the surprise? You better show me before you touch yourself. You know the rules. You can only touch yourself when I tell you to when we’re on the phone.”

“Sorry, sir… it’s been so long since you’ve last punished me that my hands have grown bold.”

“I’ll make sure to remind you when I see you next.”

“Please do,” you purred.

Releasing your breast, you quickly went to the Kakaotalk app where you and Chan texted each other daily, and sent him a teasing picture of your newly bought black lingerie. There were multiple pictures that you took of yourself modeling in them, and the one you chose just showed you in one of his oversized black shirts that reached your upper thigh. You wore stockings with garters that were just barely visible, and you knew those alone would make him instantly harden since stockings with garters were his favorite. The sexy pose was simple; just you standing in front of your full-length mirror in your bedroom with a hand lifting the shirt slightly above your left thigh, up towards your hip. Your left leg was bent and you faced the mirror at an angle, that way he could see a hint of your wonderful ass from the side.

You heard when he received it; the gasp he let out turning into a gravely moan.

“Is that my shirt?”

“Mhm.”

“And what looks like new lingerie too?”

“Bought just for you.”

You heard shuffling on his end of the line again, and noticed his breath had started to pick up. “My dear Chanstopher, are you touching yourself from just the first picture?”

“There’s more?” He sounded slightly scandalized, making you hold back a giggle.

“Of course, silly. There’s an entire ensemble that I modeled with. I had to make sure you got to see all of it,” you teased, making sure to use a slight French accent on the word ‘ensemble’.

“May I see the rest of it?”

You tsked him. “A Dom begging? So unbecoming.”

“You are walking a very fine line, baby,” he growled. God, I love it when he does that!

“I guess since you asked so nicely, I can send you another one. If you were already touching yourself before, just wait for this next one.”

Going through the photos, you chose the one where you’re sitting on the bed in front of the same mirror with your legs drawn wide, using that same hand from earlier to lift the shirt up to right below your chest. What was really going to kill him was the sight of the pink app controlled vibrator sticking out of your black lacy underwear, and the resounding moan that released from his lips when he received it made your clit start to throb incessantly.

“You were wet at just the thought of me seeing these, yeah?” His voice sounded shaky, and you swore that you heard his hand gripping his cock solely based off of the timbre of his voice.

“I’m always wet when I think of you, Sir.”

“You being a good girl?”

Biting your lip, you nod as if he can see you as you grip the sheets with your left hand. Returning back to his rules; you laid your phone down on your bed beside you as you waited for him. The only thing that existed in your brain now was Chan and whatever he had in store for you. “Yes, Sir, I’m being a good girl. I always want to be your good girl.”

“Go grab that vibrator from the picture.”

You took in a shaky breath at his command as you squeezed your thighs together, giving yourself a hint of pleasure. “But you’re not here to control it,” you whined.

“No, I’m not, but you’re going to follow my commands, yeah, baby girl?”

“Yes, Sir,” you whispered breathlessly.

Flipping the covers open, you feel the sting of the cold air that you and your roommates normally kept the apartment at hit your skin, causing goosebumps as you left your phone and headphones behind. Your room was normally colder than the others because you had the master and it had the most outer walls compared to the other rooms, making it super cold even in December in Florida. Normally you liked it, but right now, with how heated your skin had become, it felt like a mild punishment from him. He calls me baby girl and suddenly I become a dripping wet human furnace.

Walking into your bathroom, you opened the drawer connected to your sink that housed your toys and pulled out the required pink vibrator. You hastily went back to your bed, dying to be under the covers. Putting the headphones back in your ear, you got comfortable and held the vibrator on top of your stomach. “I have it, Chan.”

“What’re you wearing?”

“Uhm,” your eyebrows kit together in confusion, having expected a command. “I’m actually wearing the same shirt in the picture. It’s my go to for bed. All of your shirts are.”

“And your underwear?” He asked.

“The blue boy shorts you saw the last time you visited.”

“Mm, I just want to set the picture so I can help myself along. Are you ready, sweetheart?”

“Yes, Sir, but can I know what you’re wearing too?”

“I’m wearing my black Dolls hoodie and my black sweatpants.”

“Such an emo baby,” you quipped with a soft smile.

“Emo for you.”

The two of you laughed at his corniness, and when you both finally calmed down, he asked if you’re ready again. You told him you were, and you heard some movement on his end of the line, making you wait patiently for him as he most likely got comfortable.

“All right, my love. I want you to lift your shirt as high as you did in that last picture, and then I want you to turn the vibrator on the lowest setting.”

You do as you’re told, turning the vibrator on through the phone app. You briefly wondered what he was going to have you do tonight, and you loved the anticipation of it all. “I did it.”

“Good girl,” he rumbled nearly an octave lower than his normal voice. The praise and the sound of his voice sent a shiver down your spine. You wanted to hear more of it. “Now I want you to lightly run the vibrator up and down your exposed stomach. Imagine I’m there above you, doing it as I suck on your earlobe.”

Your breathing started to pick up as you followed through, and the small vibration on your abs increased the warmth in your nether region.

“Does that feel good?”

“Yes, sir. Can I ask what you’re doing on your end?”

“Of course, baby girl. Seeing those pictures got me hard, and I’m rubbing myself over my sweats as I picture you following my commands, dressed in my shirt,” he answered.

His love of you wearing his clothes was overly apparent, and it filled you with a sense of joy, knowing you pleased him.

“Do you like the pictures?”

“I love them. You are… breathtakingly gorgeous and sexy.” Chan groaned loudly, making your clit throb harder as you wished the vibrator could move lower. As if hearing your inner wish, Chan spoke again, “Now I want you to move the toy down to your pussy, over your underwear. Let it trace around your folds, but you are not allowed to touch your clit or slit. Follow my lead, baby.”

Whining loudly, your hand moved the vibrator as you opened your legs as wide as possible, and the second it touched your folds, you had to stop yourself from going straight to the source of your pleasure. You waited for what came next, knowing that by ‘following his lead’ it meant doing what he said he’d do, therefore helping you imagine him actually being there.

“I’m right there with you, moving the toy above your clit but not touching it as I slowly grind into your thigh. My mouth is working down your neck, having just reached the edge of my shirt. Moving my other hand, I lift the shirt further up, and the second your breasts are free I have your nipple between my teeth…”

“Chan—“ your chest started heaving as you tried to breathe. The mental visual of him being there, doing what your hands were doing was already messing with you. It had been so long since you had actually touched yourself, and even longer since you both were able to have enough time for phone sex that you were already lost. Your right hand continued moving the toy over your folds, while your left tugged lightly on your nipple. “Please, sir.”

“Sucking your nipple into my mouth,” he continued with a slight growl to his voice, “I move the toy down to your slit, still over the underwear. You buck your hips, making me press mine harder into your thigh, and as punishment for moving when I didn’t tell you to, I bite the skin of your breast, just hard enough for you to know I’m displeased. You can feel all seven inches of my dick on your thigh, and knowing it’s so close to your cunt, you moan into my ear.”

You followed through with everything he was saying, and when he said you moaned, you actually did as the vibrator seemed to barely touch you just below your clit. Just imagining that his perfect cock was right there, touching you, made you salivate, forcing you to bite your lip as hard as possible. It’s been so long since I’ve had him in my mouth. God, I miss it!

Chan seemed to moan along with you. Hearing his beautiful voice fill your ears caused your core to clench, making you whimper.

“Your moan caused my cock to throb so hard, baby. Imagining I’m with you feels so good. Do you feel it too?” He panted quietly.

“Yes, Sir—please, can I move the vibrator?”

“Yes, but you don’t get to touch your clit. I want you to put it into your underwear and to trace along your slit.”

Doing so caused your body to spasm slightly, and you felt your hips shake against the stimulation.

“Now I want you to turn the vibrator up to half power.”

“Chan! I’m so primed already—“

“Do as I say, my love.”

You groaned in frustration and removed your left hand from your breast. Grabbing your phone, you turned the vibrator up to half power, and the second it increased against you, you gasped loudly as your body spasmed a bit.

“Put it in, baby girl. Just like the picture.”

At this point you were panting through your nose, trying to make sure that if your roommates were somehow awake and out in the living room at nearly two in the morning, they wouldn’t be able to fully hear you. You were practically whimpering near constantly when you put it in, the toy setting your body aflame as it buzzed against your g-spot. Your nipples were harder than you thought possible as you ripped the blankets off of your heated skin. The chill in the air hit your soaked underwear, and the feeling of it rubbing against your swollen center caused your legs to squeeze tightly together. Not knowing what to do with your hands, you gripped the sheets.

“Now,” Chan panted; having come undone slightly knowing that you were filled with pleasure. “I want you to power through and send me another picture. Can you do that? After you send it you are allowed to rub your clit.”

“Yes, Sir,” you breathed in excitement. Squeezing your eyes shut for a second, you shakily reached for your phone and tapped the screen on. It opened at your face and you sent him the ‘live’ picture you had been planning on sending next—you with the shirt completely off now, your breasts full and heaving in a black lace push-up bra as your left hand played with your clit inside of your panties, the vibrator still within your depths, just like it was right now. The short video was only three seconds, but it was abundantly clear what you were doing.

The moan that left Chan seemed to echo within your mind when he finally saw it. The sound was so arousing that your hand immediately ventured into your underwear to rub circles into your throbbing nub.

At this point you could hear Chan moaning every few seconds. You were too deep into your pleasure to even fathom what he was doing other than fucking his own hand, but when your phone lit up and you clicked the message, a video of his beautifully veiny arm gripping his cock greeted your eyes. It was thirty seconds long, hopefully in reaction to your pictures, and you could see how undone he was as he jerked himself off. During the last ten seconds of the video you could see precum escaping the head of his cock as he squeezed the glands around his tip.

“Oh! I wish I could taste you,” you whined loudly. Your other hand was holding your phone, and your eyes were glued to the screen. The combination of your fingers rubbing your clit and the toy making a mess of your insides was getting you close, but you knew you had to wait for him.

“Yeah?” His voice was getting high and breathy which was a sign that he was getting close too. “I wish I could taste you too. You taste so good. ...Just imagine my head between your legs right now as the toy buzzes inside you. I’m sucking on your clit as hard as I can, making you buck against my face. Your hands are gripping my hair, tugging on it—fuck, I’m close, baby girl. I’m so close. I want you to come with me, okay?”

“Yes!” You loudly whispered. “Yes, I want you to come. I want to come so badly.”

The thought of him between your legs after such a long time began the tinglings of a large orgasm, making you curl your toes. Your hips were shaking as the warmth in your core increased, signaling your rapidly approaching climax. Your hand was moving fast now, rubbing your clit as hard as you dared as you heard him jerking himself off, attempting to hold back his moans. Just as the pleasure began to increase, you held your breath, wishing his hand was lightly gripping your throat as you attempted to hold back the orgasm just outside of your grasp.

“Baby girl—I’m, I’m gonna cum. I want you to come,” he said breathlessly in his haste. “I wish I was with you so I could cum inside. I know how much you love to be full of my cum. I—”

Fireworks exploded behind your eyelids as your entire body spasmed, making you curl into yourself as you turned on your side. Your walls clenched fiercely around the toy, only making your orgasm last just that much longer. What part of your consciousness that still existed in that moment registered the sound of him coming on the other end of the line. He grunted, and you wished with your entire being that his cock was down your throat, letting you swallow his cum whole.

What was probably just a moment of mutual panting as the both of you tried to calm back down, it felt like an hour had passed. You weakly turned off of the vibrator so the overstimulation could cease, and just spent the next moment existing as your heart began to slow as the edges of your orgasm faded away.

“Baby?” He sounded just as wrecked as you.

“Y-Yeah?”

“Do—“ he took in a deep breath before blowing it out. “Do you need any aftercare?”

Licking your lips, your eyes fluttered open as you began to uncurl yourself. “No… I’m--I’m probably ready for sleep though. Let me, um, clean myself up and I’ll be right back, okay?”

“I’ll be here, love.”

Leaving your bed, you quickly, but shakily, went to your bathroom. When you turned on the light, you had to squeeze your eyes closed for a moment--your eyes too sensitive after being in darkness for so long. As quickly as you could, you took the vibrator out, ignoring the shiver that ran down your spine as you cleaned it and left it out to dry, and then went to clean up the mess that was your nether region.

Two minutes later you were all clean, and with a fresh pair of undies, sleepily sliding back into bed and pulling the sheets up over you. Putting your headphones back in your ears, you tap your phone on and smile when you see the call was still on.

“Chan?”

“I’m here.”

Smiling, and ignoring the tears that immediately came to your eyes due to just how much you missed him, you cleared your throat while covering the mic so he couldn’t hear. When you were good, you moved your hand back and whispered, “I love you.”

It was quiet for a second, but when he spoke again, you could hear the smile in his tone. “I love you too. What do you need to fall asleep, sweetheart?”

“Just your voice. Sing me to sleep, Chanstopher.”

Chan hummed happily at the endearing nickname before whispering, “Your wish is my command.”

Within a minute of him singing you a ballad version of ‘Tenerife Sea’ by Ed Sheeran, you were fast asleep.

#bang chan smut #^#unlock^

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s1utspeare · 3 years

Text

Get To Know Me!

@foxofninetales tagged me in this ask game and since I LOVE HER i will now be doing it (i mean i’d do it anyway but now it will be filled with love for FOX i am not accepting CRITICISM ON THIS POINT)

Part I

name: Brigid! I’m named after the Irish goddess of like, poetry, healing, smithcraft, and protection, or the Irish saint (they’re both pretty similar it’s just whether or not you’re talking about Celtic religion or Catholicism). She’s very cool, and I think it’s a very fitting name for who I turned out to be!

pronouns: she/her

star sign: i’m an insufferable theatre kid of course I’m a Leo

height: 5'8″ babeeeyyy (172 cm). I’m not short like, at all, but all of my family members are over six foot, so I’m like. tiny in comparison. they all make fun of me all the time for it :(

time: 8:49pm! A delightful time of evening!!!

birthday: July 31st, same day as Harry Potter lol.

nationality: american :P

fave bands/groups/solo artists: hnnnngggghhhh why would u ask me this I don’t KNOW jk i just have a lot uhhhhh all time faves would be Bastille and Mumford and Sons, but I’m SUPER into kpop right now, so my top groups are BTS, Stray Kids, and One OK Rock (who are technically jpop but I really like their stuff). I also am a Broadway BITCH (hello, theatre kid) so before this year all of my Spotify library was basically just show tunes.

song stuck in your head: Get Away by VeriVery. I think they’re a pretty new group? idk i saw them on one of those tumblr promotional things and checked out the music video which is like??? really interesting conceptually? so I’ve just been listening to the song for a while lol.

last movie you watched: Train to Busan! I’m gearing up to write a dmbj zombie apocalypse AU and so I was like “this is a popular zombie film! I’ll watch it for inspiration! :)” holy shit. holy shit i was so wrong. It’s one of the most viscerally affecting films I think I’ve ever seen, I was like. On the verge of an anxiety attack the entire time but in like the best possible way?? it’s a mastery of character introduction and action/horror and I cried for like the last ten minutes straight. SO affecting. I do NOT RECOMMEND IT if u are already made anxious by zombie apocalypse scenarios, blood, violence, and a Lot of Death.

last show you binged: hmmm uh like I’m currently watching Mystic Nine but at like a normal pace, so the last show I probably binge watched was maybeeee The Uncanny Counter on Netflix? HIGHLY recommend that one, I made @cross-d-a watch it and I’m living for her liveblog reactions lmao. Idk most of my free time has been spent writing the past few months which. After months of only having the energy to watch shows is kind of really invigorating? the things u can do when u fix ur health I’ll tell you what

when you created your blog: in 2012 asldighalsdkfjladskjga i came on here to like burdge’s pjo fanart :)

the last thing you googled: "is it bad not to have an air cap on your tire” ALSDIGHALKDFJLADFJA FUCK ME (i learned that it’s not necessarily bad but it can get dirt and stuff built up in there so I went to the store after work today and replaced it)

other blogs: everything is here bc i am too lazy to create a sideblog! so sorry to everyone who does not follow me for cdrama content bc this is all I am now.

why i chose my url: cause it’s my ao3 username and i wanted people to be able to find me more easily on tumblr! :) the long answer is because i love shakespeare and also i think that slut is a really funny word and concept for me especially because i am one of the most sexless people u will ever meet in ur life so slutspeare is like. an aggressively ace joke that only I think is funny.

how many people are you following: 588

how many followers do you have: ah just over 200?!??!!? which is like. a lot for me. I think it was like 75 up until like last year omg

average hours of sleep: my sleep app says I average around eight! which is very good for me! I do have to get enough sleep consistently or I will Have A Bad Time so my sleep schedule is pretty good and luckily I don’t have the Insomnia depression I have the Sleep Lots one which I am glad for bc idk what I’d do if I couldn’t Be Unconscious regularly. Die probably.

lucky numbers: I don’t think I have lucky numbers?? my favorite number is 21 for no reason other than the vibes alone.

instruments: i’ve played the piano for uhhhh.... eighteen years now? and I can play the ukulele and am surprisingly good with the recorder since I’ve had to play it in Multiple Theatre Performances. I was also an honor choir singer back in high school so I’ve done a lot of select ensemble stuff which was super fun!

what i'm currently wearing: a Life Is Good long-sleeved t-shirt that says “Not All Who Wander Are Lost” that I got in a military surplus store like a million years ago and red Adidas athletic shorts that I found at the thrift store a couple weeks back

dream job: playwright! I just wanna be a playwright! playwriting is like drugs i literally go nuts for it

dream trip: I don’t know??? I don’t really like traveling tbh aslidhalkfdj umm I do want to see the grand canyon sometime before I die tho so maybe a road trip down there? I definitely like traveling solo so I’d probably just hang out with myself and drive and go to whatever places I want and see dumb tourist attractions and sing loudly in the car

fave food: CURRY i know i said eggs the last time it asked me this but I miss my local Indian restaurant I want to eat literal Platefuls of tikka masala at 12pm at the Indian buffet after my physics class again :(

top three fictional universe you'd like to live in: hmmm i don’t know, actually! probably one where I have Powers and could do Cool Hand Motions and make Lights Appear. If I were anywhere with like. An Actual World-Dooming problem tho I would not be helpful at all. I would just die. Besides, I already live in fictional universes half the time, I’m a writer!

Part II

last song: Basquiat by Pentagon! The music video is like. Very whumpy. So if you’re into that... the song’s also a bop

last stream: i don't watch streams very often, I just watch clips from them, cause those usually just give the best parts lol

currently reading: mmmmmbbbaaaaahhhhh literally nothing? I’m trying to get caught up on the backlog of dmbj fic I haven’t gotten around to so Binding by @vishcount is next on that list! oh I guess I’m also reading Johnny Tremain with my kids (one of them SPOILED THE END and I forgot how it ended and now I’m big sad).

currently watching: Mystic Niiiiinnnneeeeee! love those gay history bitches. everyone in that show is so funny. I just finished the Fuba Side Plot tho and now we’re back to Politics so i’m like >:( someone give zhang baby rishan a hug (and then i write angst about him what is wrong with me)

what is antipoetry to you: antipoetry??? what the heck is antipoetry hold on... uhhhh that’s just poetry. who came up with this term. i guess like lyrical fiction would be the technical correct definition but idk I consider anything to be poetry! like that’s the whole point! poetry is poetry is poetry as long as it’s focused on intensity and emotions it’s poetry! a haiku? poetry. the random one-lined mess of words on my phone? poetry. a literal drawing of a cardinal with the word “bird” written next to it? poetry. idk I’ve been trying to teach my kids that there are no wrong ways to write creatively; if you’re expressing yourself and making emotions, then you’re writing! also like half of my work could be considered antipoetry lmao. I love emotionally supercharging the mundane.

currently craving: i have noooo ideaaaasssss i’m literally just vibing. uh. water? ok i took care of that one my water bottle was right next to me.

AH IF YOU READ THIS MUCH THANK YOU???? i love u

uhhhh no pressure tags for @xia-xueyi, @nope4ever, @bookjoyworm, @elletromil, and @gaiahenshin, as well as anyone else who would like to give the full-rundown on themselves! :D

#ask tag #about me #Brigid's Fox #asldighalsdkfj i thought cross' tag was very funny so i've decided that's my foxofninetales tag from now on #because i love her

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