#but a lot of core tenets stay the same

[hotchs-bitch]

The List || A. Hotchner x Fem!Reader

summary: you and Aaron check off a few new boxes.

kinks: D/s, daddy kink, threesome, mistress kink, praise kink, degradation, thigh riding

pairing: aaron hotchner x reader, emily prentiss x reader

content/warnings: in case it wasn’t clear SMUT 18+ CONTENT MINORS DNI

wordcount: 3.5k

You’ve been dating Aaron for a few years now, so you like to think you’re something of an expert on all things Hotchner. There are plenty of people, your coworkers included, who think he’s all work and no play. That simply isn’t true. At work, yes, he’s a stark professional, to his core. But they don’t see him at home, playing with his son and basking in the domestic glow the three of you have created in your little apartment. And they certainly don’t see the type of play the two of you get up to, either. 

One of the tenets of Aaron’s work/play separation was that work stayed in the office. He had a home office, for when he needed it, but even there– nothing BAU-related got past the threshold. When he was home, he was home for you and for his son— work would wait as long as it reasonably could. So when you see him flipping through some paperwork in bed, you’re admittedly confused. 

“Whatcha doing?” You ask, pure curiosity in your tone. 

“I was just looking over the list. It’s been a while since we did these, I thought it might be worth taking another peek at,” he explains, looking at you over the readers you had bought for him a year ago, that he valiantly resisted for three months before finally admitting that they helped. 

He’s talking about your kink lists, which explains why he’s made it out of the office. Just shy of a year into your relationship, you’d broached the subject of introducing a dynamic into your sex lives, just to see if you liked it. Aaron had agreed, but insisted on doing his own, extensive research beforehand. He, admittedly, was wary about the idea of hurting you– even in a consensual way— and wanted to make sure he was fully prepared, both for him and for you. So he’d presented both of you with lists— you checked off things you knew you liked, things you thought you might want to try, and things you definitely didn’t want to do. 

“Why don’t you check yours, too,” he says, passing you your copy of the list. “Make sure it all still looks accurate. We’ve tried a lot of this stuff, so if you don’t actually like it—”

“Aaron, you know I’d tell you if I didn’t. I’d safeword if I needed to, or I’d tell you after the scene if I didn’t. You wouldn’t hurt me and I wouldn’t let you,” you remind him. 

“I’d still like you to look. Maybe things we haven’t tried that sounded appealing then, don’t now. Or maybe you’ve found that you like things more than you thought you would. It’s all good to know,” he encourages you.

You agree, climbing into bed and taking the paper and pen that he’d offered. You move some maybes that you had tried into the solid yes column, and a couple into the no column, too, but there aren’t any major changes. After a few minutes, you switch, and you find Aaron’s form to be more or less the same. You’re not surprised, really— You and Aaron have an open line of communication. There were no surprises. 

“So, I was thinking I might surprise you,” Aaron pipes up. You stand corrected. 

“Oh?” You say. 

“You’ve been working your ass off lately, between the team and the Academy Trainee course Strauss pulled you for,” he explains. “I wanted to do something fun for you. I noticed you still had ‘experience with two or more partners’ and ‘experience with a same-sex partner’ checked off as things you’d like to try…” he trails off nervously, and you can tell just by looking at him that he’s wondering if he should beg the floor to swallow him whole rather than continue this conversation. 

“That would be a very special gift,” you agree with a smile, putting him out of his misery. “But who? I don’t necessarily want to bring a stranger into the apartment,” you say. 

“You can say no, and we can never talk about it again,” he assures you. “But I was thinking… maybe Emily?” 

You mull it over for a moment, taking Aaron’s hand in your own to let him know that you’re thinking, not shocked into silence. You… kind of like the idea of it. “Have you talked to her about it at all?”

“Not about joining us,” he says, and his phrasing is specific. You know him too well for that. 

“But you’ve talked to her about… our dynamic?” You ask, confused. It’s not your real question— you know he’d never tell someone else about this without asking you, first. 

“No, no,” he corrects. “That case a few months back, where the men were all bound— she floated the idea privately with me that the unsub may be a dominatrix, and it came up naturally, that she’s… similarly minded.” 

“But with less murder,” you joke. 

“Like I said, we can pretend I never even brought it up.” 

“No!” You correct a little too quickly, making Aaron chuckle. “I want to. You can ask her about it.” 

“I will,” he says, leaning in and pressing a kiss to your forehead. “Anything for you.” 

+++++++

Emily says yes the next day when Hotch asks her about it. It’s the waiting that’s torture. It’s two whole weeks before the three of you find a day that works for everyone– and if you thought that was bad, the hours leading up to it were even worse. 

You’re on edge the whole day— you’re nervous, yes, but it’s an excited kind of nervous, like the moments after you pull the safety harness down on a roller coaster. You plod around the house all afternoon, tidying things that don’t need to be tidied and wiping down the countertops, mopping the floor, baking a banana bread just to do something with your hands. 

You nearly jump when Aaron wraps his arms around you from behind. “Go take a bath and ground yourself, my love. Use your fancy bubbles and take some deep breaths. I left you something to wear, it’s hanging up on the back of the bathroom door. Emily will be here in a bit. Would you like to sit with us while I explain your limits to her, or do you want me to do it?” 

“You can do it,” you tell him softly. 

“Okay angel. Then you go on up, take your bath and put on the pretty outfit Daddy got you, and sit at the foot of the bed and wait for us, okay?” 

“Okay, daddy. Thank you.” 

He smiles, giving you a quick kiss. “Nothing to thank me for. See you in a little bit.” 

You go upstairs and see that Aaron has already drawn the bath for you, and has set out your favorite soaps and bubble bath and a fluffy, warm towel. You sink into the warm bath, and let yourself soak, focusing on your breathing. It helps. Once you feel ready, you drain the tub and look over to the lingerie Aaron had bought for you. It’s a lacy red bodysuit, and it’s crotchless. You get yourself good and dry before slipping into it, not wanting the delicate material to get caught on your wet skin. Once you’re dressed, you go into the bedroom and kneel at the foot of the bed the way you normally would if you were playing with just Aaron. You can hear the two of them talking, laughing, even, as you sit and wait for them. 

Your anticipation builds the longer you listen to them– are they still talking about limits? Are they plotting– deciding what toys they’ll use, how they’ll tease you, when they’ll let you come? You can feel yourself getting turned on the longer you sit and think about it— you wonder if that’s part of their plan, too. 

You snap back to attention when you hear footsteps coming up the staircase, straightening your spine and turning your gaze towards the floor. 

The door swings open— you don’t move. You know better. 

“Aw, she’s so cute,” Emily cooes. You feel warmth rise to your cheeks, try to bite down on your smile. 

“Kitten, why don’t you say hello to our guest?” 

You look up now, at Aaron. “What should I call her, Daddy?”

Aaron looks to Emily, who answers. “You have such good manners, sweet girl. You can call me Mistress.” 

“Yes, Mistress. Thank you for coming,” you tell her with a smile. Looking her in the eyes for the first time makes this feel a hundred times more real, and you can tell that when they finally touch you, you’ll be soaked. 

“Thank you for inviting me,” she smiles. “I understand that you and your daddy have a lot of fun together. I’m excited to have some fun with you, too.”

“Come here, kitten,” Aaron beckons, and you oblige him, crawling a few paces across the carpet and coming to sit next to his left hand. He runs a hand through your hair.

“Ladies first,” Aaron smirks, looking over to Emily.

Emily crouches down, nearly eye-to-eye with you, but she’s still a bit taller. She traces a finger down your cheekbone and the column of your neck, over your shoulder, sneering a little at the goosebumps that appear in the wake of her gentle touch. She pinches your nipple through the fabric of your lingerie, and you gasp a little, not expecting the sensation. 

“Hmm,” Emily murmurs a contented little noise at your reaction, not letting up on her grip. “A good pinch, or a bad pinch?” She checks in. 

“A good pinch, Mistress,” you assure her through gritted teeth. 

She smiles. “Good,” she says, reaching for the other nipple, rolling it between her thumb and index finger. She gives them both a sharp pull, causing you to cry out, before she stands back up. 

“That’s it?’Aaron scoffs. 

“We have the whole night ahead of us,” Emily reminds him. “I’d take advantage while I’m still in a sharing mood.”

He rolls his eyes goodnaturedly, pulling you to your feet. “The thing about my sweet little slut, is that you don’t even need to touch anything significant to turn her into a mess,” he informs Emily as he uses his big hands to spread your thighs apart. You suddenly remember that your panties are crotchless, and tense up, worried that you’ll drip on the carpet before you’ve even begun. For his part, Aaron seems determined to make this happen— he kisses his way up your thighs, sucking at the tender flesh nearest where you were practically pulsing for him, but intentionally ignoring any action that would provide you with any relief. You take in a sharp little breath, trying not to whine. 

“That’s it. I can smell you, already. You like that, don’t you, angel?” He whispers against your skin. 

“Yes, Daddy,” you answer breathlessly. 

“I know, I know,” he says sympathetically as he rises to his feet. “But not yet,” he whispers before sucking a bruise into your neck. 

“Let’s move this party over to the bed, shall we?” Emily says, crossing the room and sitting on the edge of the mattress, stripping herself of her pants and her top. Aaron follows suit, losing all of his clothes and climbing on top of the mattress, giving his cock a few cursory strokes, spreading out the precum that had gathered at his tip. Emily gestures to her thigh, and you straddle it accordingly. 

“Why don’t you tell me more about your daddy, angel?” Emily encourages you as her fingers sink into the flesh of your thigh and pull, encouraging you to rock against her. 

You oblige, riding her thigh as you speak. “I love my daddy. He takes very good care of me,” you say as you rock against her once, readjusting to try and find a better angle for your clit. “He reminds me to drink water and take care of myself,” you continue rocking and find the place where your clit rubs up against her thigh in just the right way, moaning a little. “And he always reminds me that I’m his good little slut. He loves to make me cum,” you say, your humping gaining intensity, causing you to moan a little “Oh, and I love to make him come too,” you say, chasing your release against her. 

“How do you like to make Daddy come?’ Emily asks, pushing your hair out of your face where it’s sticking to your sweat. 

“I like to take his cock in my mouth,” you moan. “I like feeling him all the way down my throat. Oh, Mistress, may I come?” You ask as your rocking against her grows more frantic.

‘Not yet, baby. It’s too early,” she cooes. “Keep going. I heard Daddy call you a name earlier, do you like that? Do you like when we call you pathetic little names?” 

“Yes, Mistress. I like to be called a needy little whore, or Daddy’s desperate slut.” You cry out.

“Oh, you are a desperate slut, aren’t you? Trying to come on Mistress’s thigh,” 

“Yes, yes, I’m a desperate slut,” you agree, hoping your acquiescence will earn you an orgasm. 

“Good girl. Stop,” she orders, and you hold back your sigh, not wanting to be punished. You step away from her, get back into your kneeling position on the floor. From your new vantage point, you can see Aaron– he’s been stroking his cock, watching you and Emily. He’s erect and slick, and you’ve never wanted him in your mouth more. You’re practically drooling. 

“Kitten, you’ve made quite the mess of my thigh,” Emily tuts. 

“I’m sorry Mistress. May I clean up my mess?” 

“Of course, go ahead,” She grants you permission, and you begin to lick your own arousal off of her. Her skin is so soft, and she smells so nice, that you start to get lost in it, mouthing at her long after is necessary, until you feel a tug at your scalp. 

“Don’t get distracted, kitten. Daddy’s waiting for you,” Emily reminds you, gesturing to the other side of the bed. You crawl over, looking at Aaron with glassy eyes. 

“Daddy, may I suck your cock, please?” 

“Hmm, let’s see,” Aaron says, extending two fingers, which you greedily pull into your mouth, bobbing your head up and down on them and taking them as deep as you can manage for a few moments until Aaron pulls them away. 

“Come on up, angel,” Aaron says, pulling you into bed. “Go ahead,” he grants you permission, and you settle between his legs, licking the underside of his cock and looking up at him as you do so.

As soon as you have as much of Aaron as you can take in your mouth, you feel two fingers sink inside of you– Emily’s, you realize with a moan. 

“Thank you, mistress,” you warble out without removing Aaron’s cock from your mouth. 

“Focus angel. Mistress had her turn, now Daddy wants you all to himself. Don’t get distracted.” 

“Yes, daddy,” you answer, refocusing your efforts on him, Even as Emily makes you squirm and whimper under her touch.

“Your pussy is so tight, sweet girl. Does Mistress make you feel good?” 

“Yes, mistress, feels so good,” you answer, but as soon as you do, you feel a sharp spank to your backside. 

“Focus, slut. Don’t make me remind you again,” Aaron says. 

“I’m sorry, Daddy,” you say, taking him in your mouth again. 

You’re content for a few moments, but when Emily removes her fingers from inside of you, you can’t help but whine. 

“I’m feeling neglected, here. Kitten, why don’t you lay back against the pillows,” Emily encourages, and you look up at Aaron for permission, which he grants with a simple nod, getting up and taking one of his pillows with him. 

“Lift your hips,” He tells you as Emily comes to the head of the bed. 

Aaron slides a pillow underneath you just as Emily comes to straddle your face. “Mistress and Daddy want to come, angel, and then you can, okay?” Emily explains. 

“Yes, Mistress,” you say, craning your neck up to kiss her entrance. 

“Good girl, go ahead,” she tells you, lowering herself down towards you. You mouth at her with purpose, trying to remember all of the tricks you like best when Aaron does them on you, paying attention to which maneuvers make her tense up and cry out. 

A few moments later, you feel Aaron’s cock sink into you, and your eyes nearly roll into the back of your head– you feel so deliciously full, not to mention how thoroughly fucked you had been throughout the evening. You felt… saturated, in the best way. Each one of your senses was laser-focused on pleasure. You were so grateful to Aaron for doing this for you– the thought motivated you, had you kicking it into high gear with Emily. 

“Oh, good girl. You’re going to make Mistress come. You’re going to make me so happy. Don’t stop, angel. Don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t— fuck!” She cries out as she reaches her peak, her pleasure overwhelming you. 

“Good girl. You did such a good job, you made mistress so happy,” Emily cooes breathlessly as she gets off of you, not wanting to suffocate you when she collapses against the mattress to catch her breath. She leans in, starts to kiss your neck. “Where’d you learn to do that, sweet girl? Is my perfect angel a little slut?” she asks, mouthing at any exposed skin she can reach. 

“Yes, Mistress, I’m a little slut,” you agree. 

“Who’s slut?” Aaron booms as he pounds into you. 

“Your slut, Daddy. I’m your slut,” you amend.

“That’s right, kitten. Who does this pussy belong to?”

“You, daddy, my slutty pussy belongs to you!” You cry out as he taps your clit, and it sends him over the edge. He keeps pumping in and out of you as he comes, and Emily reaches down to your clit, rubbing at it. 

“Go ahead, come. You earned it, baby, come.” 

“Daddy?” You cry out, wanting to make sure you have permission. 

“Yes, angel. Come for Daddy, my perfect girl. You did so good.” 

You careen over the edge at his praise, arching your back and letting out a moan that turns into a cry. You’d been on edge for so long— before Emily had even arrived today, and it made the relief that much more gratifying. 

“Thank you,” you pant out as you come back down to Earth. 

“Give her a minute to settle,” Aaron warns Emily– the two of you had learned that rushing into aftercare could be a little overwhelming, so Aaron usually gave you a moment to catch your breath before he touched you. 

“You did such a good job, my sweet girl. I’m so proud of you,” Aaron whispers gently. “When you’re ready, I want you to sit up for me, okay my love?” 

You nod a little, taking another few deep breaths and scooting up towards the mattress. 

“Good,” he whispers. “I will be right back,” he says, climbing off the mattress and leaving the room momentarily. 

“Did you have fun?” Emily asks quietly, screwing the cap off of a bottle of water and handing it to you. 

You gulp at it aggressively while you nod. “Yeah, I did. Did you?” 

“Careful, you’ll get a stomachache,” she warns. “I had fun, but this was a treat for you.” 

“Still. It’s only fun if everyone’s having fun,” you remind her. “Would you… want to do it again sometime?” She asks, feeling bold. 

“Yeah. You should talk to Aaron first, though,” Emily says. 

“Talk to Aaron about what?” He comes back to the room with a plate of fruit and a damp washcloth, sounding concerned. 

“Nothing, baby. Later,” you assure him, and he gives you a little look that lets you know that he’s holding you to it. 

“Alright, angel. You need to eat something, and I need to clean you up,” he says, handing you the plate and bringing the washcloth between your thighs. You extend the plate towards Emily, and she takes a strawberry, popping it between her lips as you bite down into a crunchy apple slice. 

“Em, you should feel free to stay, if—” Aaron starts, but she cuts him off. 

“I’d love to, but I can’t. Sergio is a very lonely boy,” she explains. “But this was a lot of fun. Thank you both for inviting me,” she says, kissing you both on the forehead as she dresses and packs up her stuff. Aaron insists on walking her to the door and watching her get into her car, as if she didn’t have a handgun in her purse and enough combat training to take out half of Northern Virginia. You’re snuggled up against his pillow when he returns, and he smiles. 

“You had fun, angel?” He asks as he climbs into bed, pulling you into his chest. 

“Of course I did. This whole thing just begs the question…” you start, trailing off. 

“Begs what question?” Aaron asks. 

“Who are we going to invite over to check off those boxes for you?” 

[teeth-cable]

On a subject that I think people have brought up but I wanted to go more in depth.

Hellborn being homophobic makes no sense. Like sinners it does but not for the native species.

Homophobia originates from the a mistranslated bible verse that in its original form condemned pedophilia so like wouldn't the Hellborns know that?

If we are going with the homophobia from the bible so of course Hellborns would be homophobic (even though that makes no sense)... Don't the Hellborns worship Satan? Wouldn't their holybook be different?

Also Succubi exist so that adds a layer of confusion.

We also have a shark demon dressed as a catholic priest... Like if you edited the outfit to look unholy kinda like some of the Murdoc Niccols art in the recent Gorillaz arc then its not a total worldbuilding issue.... But dude is straight up a catholic priest and we know the shark demons are hellborn due to concept art showing hybrids so we cant say its a holdover from life.

Also the typical western wedding we see stems from Queen Victoria and again these are Hellborns they don't know who the fuck she is. It would make more sense to borrow from more ancient wedding traditions.

Also I understand why they made Crim biphobic because it is a real thing that people do experience from parents and Vivziepop is bisexual herself so I understand it being important to the crew but, again it makes no sense unless Crim is a sinner or...

Crim wants biological grandchildren. I mean you have to genderswap Chaz and maybe Millie but then again Millie can stay the same and just have Crim mention how Moxxie used to chase after guys and doesn't like Millie because she's a country bumpkin.

Like the only way I can see homophobia being a thing in Hell if its because people there value blood more than anything. This would actually I think fit well with the Stolitz plot that they are going with. Stolas and Stella were married off to produce a child and we know that you don't have to be blood related to Stolas to use the grimoire as seen with Loona. Rather there was no point in birthing Octavia if the power isn't genetic so the system itself is intentionally flawed. Maybe like you aren't shamed if you have a same sex lover in general if you have a kid already but if you dont then you get shunned. Some people might judge Stolas for sleeping with an imp due to the status alone. If it was a male noble it would be less scandalous. But imagine like the fact Stolas chose an imp over Stella actually makes their entire family look bad.

Like people are gonna speculate on how badly Stella screwed up if her husband chose a peasant over her and that might lead to people wondering why Octavia doesn't have siblings. Depending if Hell is misogynistic or not Stella might be portrayed as at fault for this. Hey at least she has a layer of complexity now instead of being a bimbo.

Succubi and Incubi might be the only exceptions because like their existence is founded on sex.

This all would mean being ace in hell would be interesting to explore.

Now returning to theology

What are Hellborns core tenets?

What the hell happens to Hellborns when they die? Like I think we need this answered soon rather than later because we know sinners get erased by holy weapons but nothing about Hellborns who could die like a normal person. Like they don't have souls... Do they just get erased from existence too? Like everyone has been super confused about this since episode 2 for crying out loud and we have not even a fraction of a hint.

Why did they add the Great Old Ones. Like I know Viv said she was pulling from multiple mythologies... I assume that she meant she would pull from Underworld myths across the world to help out a unique spin on hell because that's a logical assumption and interesting ideas. After all the Hellenism Underworld has a lot of interesting stuff and Tartarus is pretty similiar to the Christian Hell.

But she grabs the great old ones? Look they aren't even a mythology and a lot of stuff H.P. Lovecraft wrote about them usually meant if they were around they were gonna either put the universe into an era of chaos or everyone dies. Like the only Great Old One that could fit in Helluva is Dagon because dude was an actual worshipped god and was mentioned in the bible where his worshippers were demonized.

But like going back to how using the Great Old Ones in Hellaverse is a shitty choice. Like how are you going to fit anyone besides Dagon in a show based off primarily Abrahamic beliefs.

Like there's already a christian apocalypse and The Great Old Ones seem more akin to aliens instead of them probably being demons in Hellaverse. But then you also have to consider the fact the Old Ones power is literally incomprehensible.

Like why does God on the show allow them to stick around when in Judaism He nerfed Levithan because He accidentally made it too powerful.

Like you would have to nerf them significantly which actually takes away from them.

But oh wait Vivziepop added Azathoth the one Great Old One that is so difficult to nerf because it's literally a blackhole/primordial chaos. The only reason it's not destroying stuff is because it's asleep. Like using that one either means your story is probably going to deal with end game shit or set dressing to explain the origin of the others.

Like if Azzy is there does that mean god came from it or did He create it?

Also the Great Old Ones represent concepts of madness and terror yet none of those themes are present in Helluva. Like maybe it could've worked if as they get more clients the imps get exposed to a lot of fucked shit that starts draining them idek.

Like if Vivziepop really really really wanted to pull from another mythos not linked to Abrahamic religion, roman mythology! Like literally Roman Beliefs and Abrahamic Religions have a deeply tied history so it makes since especially since Emperor Constantine made christianity legal which began the erasure of pagan religions and the roman gods even cameod in The Divine Comedy.

Im so confused about the writing decisions

The reason why the worldbuilding makes no sense and we never learn about the imp's culture is because the writers only wanted to make a show about relationship drama. Which is fine if it took place on regular Earth but no, Viv decided she wanted to make a show that takes place in Hell because Hazbin is popular but didn't want to put the effort into writing the worldbuilding so as a cheap cop out they wrote Hell like Earth but now that's biting them in the ass because fans are starting to noticed the human elements like homophobia, jail, rehab, and the mafia makes no sense in Hell.

Imps being homophobic never made sense. Beside the mistranslation of the Bible, Hell is supposed to be the opposite of Heaven. So if Heaven in Viv's version is homophobic then Hell would be the very opposite. Most likely homophobic imps would be outcasted because of their views. Also in Viv's hell being an imp is worse than being gay. The writers are just giving homophobic imps the same writing treatment as the human disguises, they're only an inconvenience or needed for the plot when the writers wants them to be. Crim was already an asshole without being biphobic, he's a misogynist who abused and killed his wife and most likely abused Moxxie when he was young. Those traits are already enough to make him dislikable.

When Viv says she's going to pull from multiple mythologies, what she actually mean is she's not going to do any research, only steal the most interesting parts out of their context, and steal ideas from other writers even if they have no relation to Hell. It's very obvious none of the HB writers did actual research just by how the show characters and Hellborn species barely resemble their demonology counterparts.

One thing to remember about Helluva Boss is this show is not professional despite what the writers and fandom wants you to believe, it is not. Both seasons were unplanned, the writers hate listening to feedback, the show reconned almost everything in Season 2, the writing is inconsistent, and the worldbuilding is just lazy.

Not much else to say about the worldbuilding TBH. Yea it's pretty terrible but from the start the show never plan or will explain more about Hell. It's just best to view this show as someone's poorly written shipping fanfic.

[silver-tangent]

There’s all these theories and videos about “what if Anakin stayed good?” And they always have elaborate stories as to how this change happens…

Ever since I watched Revenge of the Sith I sincerely felt like there was a simple way to change history, and a lot of Star Wars fans are like “no Jedi bad!” But honestly I think I’m right.

Windu was harsh. Some of the Jedi were pretty strict… but Yoda was a WISE, caring, jedi at his core… and honestly even Windu was an ethical man.

If they had done a better job at not alienating Anakin, or if Palpatine had done a worse job at making Anakin feel like he can’t tell the Jedi anything…

If the course of events went the same up to the point where Anakin is telling Yoda about his premonitions, but Anakin had the confidence to come clean… the Jedi would have helped him. You cannot convince me I’m wrong.

If Anakin told Yoda at that moment, “Master Yoda…. the woman I see dying in childbirth… it’s mine. It’s my child.”

Yoda would have been disappointed. There would have been consequences, but he would have helped Anakin.

He would have said something along the lines of “Secret, this relationship you kept?”

“Padme,” Anakin confessed.

“Forbidden attachment is. Know this you do… grave consequences, there will be Skywalker… but first! Into these dreams we must look. An important role you play in the clone wars. A coincidence, this cannot be.”

“Then I’m… still a Jedi?”

“Powerful in the force you are. Powerful in the force you will be, whether Jedi you are, or Jedi you are not. If abandon you, we did, for you a dangerous future would we create. No. Take you in we did, train you we did. The council will discuss this… when ended the clone war has.”

And very likely, while some of the council will want to strip him of rank, and Windu will probably be harsh- reasonable but harsh- Yoda, Obi Wan, and Plo Koon would argue in Anakin’s favor.

They would discover Palpatine’s manipulation, Palpatine couldn’t offer to save Padme, because the council would be able to tell Anakin that the dreams are likely the lies of a Sith Lord, Anakin wouldn’t turn.

Afterwards, Anakin would most likely be presented with an ultimatum, already knowing his answer; He can remain married to Padme, but if he does he will forever give up the rank of Jedi Master.

Anakin would choose his attachments over becoming a Master. He would have no one to blame but himself, and with Palpatine out of the picture and Padme alive he would be able to come to terms with that.

I think they would then surprise him by telling him that he’s shown his faith in the Jedi, and despite breaking one of the tenets, and despite never being able to become a master, he is allowed to stay on the Council.

[thegraeyrebis]

Purity Culture Sucks.

It needs to be said that when it comes to the copious amount of problems in the United States from intolerance to class warfare to corruption etc., it all really just stems from a cultural obsession of purity that existed at the very beginning.

The first people to colonize America were mostly made up of puritans that fled Europe because they were persecuted for their extremist beliefs. The same beliefs that gave way to events such as the Salem Witch Trials which led to many innocent people wrongfully executed on mere accusation. The same beliefs that fueled the ideas such as Manifest Destiny which lead to the genocide of countless indigenous people and their cultures. The same beliefs that are the foundation of concepts such as "The Invisible Hand of the Market" which led to class disparity and poverty. The same beliefs that cultivated the cultures who's core tenets are that there are a group of people who are "pure" and that they're righteous for existing and everyone else are degenerates and deviants that deserve the suffering they get for existing.

The groups have changed over the years thanks to a lot of work of activists but the culture has not and there are people who still think those that don't fit in their perception of what is "correct" are lesser in nature for some reason.

This culture is the root of a lot of, if not all, our problems in the US and it's extremely self-destructive as the people of group who believe themselves to be "pure" will fight over the idea of who is more "pure" while groups who are labeled as "impure" by our society fight among themselves over the idea of who is "less impure". It is a culture that not only will result in genocide but also will see those of the "pure" group to still wipe themselves out if they were the only ones left.

It's a self-serving judgemental dick measuring contest that no one wins and that just leads to us dehumanizing and being intolerant of each other.

I believe that if fundamental change is going to happen and stay around, we must first end this culture of judging others for petty useless things and see each other not as villains and enemies to be defeated but as people with lives to live. To realize that the goal of everyone is to live a life of happiness and prosperity.

[bookwyrminspiration]

no pressure but what's it like being raised in the bahá'í faith? I've read a bit about it before and then just reread some stuff upon seeing ur tags and it actually speaks pretty well to how I describe my relationship with religion as a Catholic raised agnostic (I think that all religions hold potential truths and that there's not really a truly fully "correct" religion) so I'm curious what it's like to actually live with it/the practices & beliefs ^^

(heads up: this got a little long)

I'd imagine its quite similar to being raised in other beliefs--the beliefs themselves just vary.

For context, my family joined the baha'i faith when I was 5, and I stayed until I was 15--which is the official age you can decide for yourself, and I'd already figured out I was an atheist (though I never did the paperwork, so officially i'm still counted in the census). So I've got about 10 years experience in the faith, though I've never been a religious person

Like you said, the Baha'i faith thinks there is a truth to all religions. There's one God and every so often he sends a prophet to remind us of his teachings--Abraham, Mohammad, Jesus, etc. The most recent is Bahá’u’lláh, born about 200 years ago, which is who Baha'is follow now--and will until the next prophet.

The faith is huge on unity; it's like the core tenet. We are the fruits of one tree and the leaves of one branch, humanity is a collective so we should be uplifting and supporting everyone--including people we disagree with. Which meant it was a very kind and supportive environment focused on mutual aid and service. Trips to the food bank to volunteer, visits to each other when in need, that kind of thing

Like in other religions, we did things on Sundays, meeting at the Baha'i center. There we'd have the toddler's classes (up to age 5), children's classes (5-10), junior youth (11-15), and then the adult sessions (which I never went to myself); this way everything was in one building at the same time. So growing up that just meant I'd be busy Sunday mornings and had to plan around that.

Every 19 days would be a feast day, marking the start of another month (there are 19 months with 19 days each). These would typically be held at a member's house, and they'd house their sector. It's pot-luck style and there people would read prayers, listen to music, and talk about the value of the month (each month has a different value--we just ended Mulk/Dominion). Things like why it was important, in what ways, how to incorporate it into our lives for the next 19 days.

Also I should mention--the Baha'i community is rather small. The religion is only about 200 years old, so it's a rather close-knit community here. We were friends or at least friendly with practically everyone, and there were few kids, so we all knew each other and grew up kinda together.

Feast is held in the evening though, which means the most consistent attendees are the older people--parents with kids had to be conscious of bedtimes and whether it was a school night, so my family didn't attend all of them.

Then there'd be the Holy Days--Naw-Rúz (New Year), 1st, 9th, and 12th days of Ridván, the twins' (Bahá’u’lláh and the Báb) births and martyrdoms, etc. Then we'd all meet at the Baha'i Center in the evenings, where there'd be a program, music, praying, and then we'd go eat--which was also potluck, but on a bigger scale. The faith originated in Iran, so a good portion of the community is Persian and a lot of the food I grew up with there was, too.

I don't think this is too different from what other religions do, it's just the specific Holy Days and what/who we're remembering that's different.

What was different for me--and for a lot of non-christian/catholic raised kids was the constant underlying knowledge that you're different. You don't see your prayers, your symbols (nine pointed star is the main one), your holy figures, your practices anywhere. You make christmas crafts at school and think: this isn't actually my holiday, but here I am anyway. And there's this feeling of wanting to say something, to distinguish yourself because you know people are assuming you're christian/catholic otherwise. Because it's the default and you're an outlier.

I have never met a Baha'i person outside of the center, outside of the people I've known since I was 5. Nobody knows what the Baha'i faith is, what it's beliefs are. Everywhere I go it's with the knowledge there's a 99% chance I'm the only one in the room--and the thing is, I'm atheist. I don't believe in any god, and yet because the Baha'i faith is such a minority it's important for me to still maintain that connection that separates me from the assumptions people make. Every time it comes up, I'm already prepared to explain because I know no one else knows about it, so to be Baha'i or former Baha'i is to be an ambassador, a resource as much as I can be even with my limited experience--because it's also not a closed religion. They love to spread the teachings and get people attending. One of the times my family hosted feast my friends who lived down the street came and we competed to see who could say the most prayers (though stuff to do with budget and that kind of thing is a little more for members only)

I'm kinda jumping around to think of other info, apologies. There's a daily prayer facing Bahá’u’lláh's shrine once you're a Youth (above 15), and that's also when you start participating in the fast. During the month (19 days) of Ala, you don't eat from sunrise to sunset. There's also the pilgrimage to...Bahgdad? Haifa? No one in my family has taken it, so I can't remember the location off the top of my head, but the point is there are locations of importance (like shrines and temples) in that area of the world where Baha'is' goal is to visit at least once in their life. One of the other kids I knew did a year of service after high school and went on her pilgrimage before starting college.

This has gotten a little long so I'll wrap up here but that was generally what it was like/what was up. Very community and service focused, very warm and friendly. It just meant certain days I had things going on others didn't (attending the Naw-Rúz celebration that evening, for example), and that it was always something I knew was different about my life compared to the community I was in.

This answer feels quite scattered and eclectic, so if anyone has any follow up questions feel free to ask and I'll do my best to answer :)

[jcmarchi]

2XKO Preview - Finding The Fun Fast - Game Informer

New Post has been published on https://thedigitalinsider.com/2xko-preview-finding-the-fun-fast-game-informer/

2XKO Preview - Finding The Fun Fast - Game Informer

Back in 2015, I sat down with fighting game community staple and former Capcom employee Seth Killian for a demo of the first game from Radiant Entertainment – his then-newly founded indie studio – Rising Thunder. The title, which featured robots fighting one another, aimed to give players a 2D fighter with simple controls and little barrier to entry. Rising Thunder showed a ton of promise, so much so that League of Legends developer Riot Games acquired Radiant Entertainment in 2016. This led to the cancellation of Rising Thunder, which was at that point in alpha, with many of the core tenets transferring to a new game, codenamed Project L, which was announced in 2019.

However, around the time of the announcement of Project L, Killian left Riot Games to work at Epic Games and now Netflix, but development continued on the title at Riot Games. In February of this year, Project L was officially renamed 2XKO. I finally got my hands on the upcoming fighting game set in the League of Legends universe during a recent visit to the Riot Games campus in Santa Monica, California.

“When Riot acquired the studio, [the developers] were like, ‘What do we want to do here? Do we want to stay on the same path?'” game director Shawn Rivera says. “Rising Thunder actually innovated a lot; one-button specials with cooldowns had really never been done. You see that in modern games like Granblue Fantasy Versus: Rising, but looking at this IP and looking at how the Champs fight together, we actually changed it quite a bit.” 

The foundation of Rising Thunder was solid, but something didn’t quite fit the theme of a League of Legends fighter. “Being honest, [the original vision of Rising Thunder] wasn’t testing as well as we had hoped, and so we’re just like, ‘Hey, let’s revisit,’ and then we kind of landed on this team version of the game,” Rivera says. “It’s more fun to play with friends. What if we could just build it from the ground up like that? We kind of restarted, but there was a lot of inspiration from Seth and everybody that came before.”

Despite the rebuild to be a tag-team 2v2 fighter with a roster full of League of Legends Champions, some of the key elements of Rising Thunder persisted, including the one-button specials. As a result, the game is supremely playable from the jump. Rivera tells me that one of the core ideas was allowing players to find the fun as fast as possible while retaining the depth fighting game fans crave. 

The build I got my hands on featured five playable characters – Darius, Yasuo, Illaoi, Ekko, and Ahri. Darius is a slower, stronger character with a unique bleed effect where if you’re at the correct range with his specials, you deal extra chip damage. Yasuo is the Wind Samurai with several effective sword slashes in his arsenal. Illaoi is a big, bruising Champion who can summon tentacles from a totem to aid her in a scrap. Ekko is a punk genius who can manipulate time. Ahri is perhaps the most agile character in the build, complete with air dashes, a faster movement speed, and long-range projectiles. 

For my demo, I play a team of Yasuo and Ahri. The art style is immediately appealing, which goes hand in hand with the gameplay’s design to grab you from the earliest stages. Alongside a set of attack buttons with different intensities, the controller layout includes two Special buttons, one team button, and a parry button. Having the Specials mapped to single buttons may sound like it makes gameplay too simple, but in actuality, it opens up myriad possibilities to combo Specials together without much fear of imperfectly executing the motions or holds required in more traditional fighting games. The strategy and depth really come out once you experiment with holding in different directions as you press the Special buttons.

On Rivera’s advice, I combo together Yasuo’s forward Special 1 and Special 2 to launch my opponent. Then, from there, I take to the sky and juggle the opponent mid-air with a combination of two Special 1 strikes and a Special 2 to send my enemy plummeting to the ground. Then, before they can recover, I land and perform a downward Special 2 and put an exclamation point on an extremely flashy combo I would have never been able to pull off in a fighting game with more traditional controls. But pulling that off wasn’t easy; I still had to memorize the long combo and then execute it all in order – almost like how you have to when you’re hitting mits in boxing training.

I spent the rest of my time experimenting with combo-ing together different Specials and tag-team moves before messing around with the Ultimate system, which is equally as simple to pull off using the two special buttons at the same time when your character’s meter is full. These damaging, flashy attacks are awesome for pouring it on during a crucial time in the fight. 

My time with 2XKO came to a close just as I started to understand the tag-team mechanics and how to effectively combo various Specials and standard strikes. I loved what I played of Rising Thunder nearly a decade ago, and 2XKO, while different, delivers that same level of promise that I felt back in 2015. Thankfully, I won’t need to wait as long as the now-eternal wait for Rising Thunder, as 2XKO is currently set to launch on PlayStation 5, Xbox Series X/S, and PC in 2025 as a free-to-play title. 

[yardsards]

the posts about belos being a puritan witch hunter reminded me of the FUNNIEST fact i once read about that era:

okay so like, background: puritans and quakers had MAJOR beef back then. nowadays people tend to lump them together bc they were both branches of christianity popular in colonial era america but they were actually extremely ideologically opposed. the quakers were basically the anarchist hippies of the 1600s and the puritans were... the puritans.

and y'know, mostly the groups stuck to their own colonies, but there was some intermingling and some proselytizing from both groups. and the puritans did NOT take kindly to the quakers barging in on their communities. this was before the witch trials were in full force, so they didn't always jump straight to execution, but quakers were often accused of witchcraft and heresy and punished appropriately. and the quakers, a notoriously rowdy bunch at the time, obviously protested *loudly* at this. screaming in the streets, banging pots and pans, interrupting church services and court hearings, etc.

now here's the funny part: another way they protested was STRIPPING NAKED IN PUBLIC. imagine you're a little puritan lad sent to the market to buy some molasses. and you hear shouting and clanging coming from the town square so you veer from your path to see what all the hubbub is about. and you just. get an eyeful of dicks n tits n asscheeks. how are you supposed to react.

[doctorstethoscope]

The List || A. Hotchner x Fem!Reader

hello my loves, just a little something for @hotchafterhours kink challenge!

summary: you and Aaron check off a few new boxes.

kinks: D/s, daddy kink, threesome, mistress kink, praise kink, degradation, thigh riding

pairing: aaron hotchner x reader, emily prentiss x reader

content/warnings: in case it wasn't clear SMUT 18+ CONTENT MINORS DNI

wordcount: 3.5k

You’ve been dating Aaron for a few years now, so you like to think you’re something of an expert on all things Hotchner. There are plenty of people, your coworkers included, who think he’s all work and no play. That simply isn’t true. At work, yes, he’s a stark professional, to his core. But they don’t see him at home, playing with his son and basking in the domestic glow the three of you have created in your little apartment. And they certainly don’t see the type of play the two of you get up to, either.

One of the tenets of Aaron’s work/play separation was that work stayed in the office. He had a home office, for when he needed it, but even there– nothing BAU-related got past the threshold. When he was home, he was home for you and for his son— work would wait as long as it reasonably could. So when you see him flipping through some paperwork in bed, you’re admittedly confused.

“Whatcha doing?” You ask, pure curiosity in your tone.

“I was just looking over the list. It’s been a while since we did these, I thought it might be worth taking another peek at,” he explains, looking at you over the readers you had bought for him a year ago, that he valiantly resisted for three months before finally admitting that they helped.

He’s talking about your kink lists, which explains why he’s made it out of the office. Just shy of a year into your relationship, you’d broached the subject of introducing a dynamic into your sex lives, just to see if you liked it. Aaron had agreed, but insisted on doing his own, extensive research beforehand. He, admittedly, was wary about the idea of hurting you– even in a consensual way— and wanted to make sure he was fully prepared, both for him and for you. So he’d presented both of you with lists— you checked off things you knew you liked, things you thought you might want to try, and things you definitely didn’t want to do.

“Why don’t you check yours, too,” he says, passing you your copy of the list. “Make sure it all still looks accurate. We’ve tried a lot of this stuff, so if you don’t actually like it—”

“Aaron, you know I’d tell you if I didn’t. I’d safeword if I needed to, or I’d tell you after the scene if I didn’t. You wouldn’t hurt me and I wouldn’t let you,” you remind him.

“I’d still like you to look. Maybe things we haven’t tried that sounded appealing then, don’t now. Or maybe you’ve found that you like things more than you thought you would. It’s all good to know,” he encourages you.

You agree, climbing into bed and taking the paper and pen that he’d offered. You move some maybes that you had tried into the solid yes column, and a couple into the no column, too, but there aren’t any major changes. After a few minutes, you switch, and you find Aaron’s form to be more or less the same. You’re not surprised, really— You and Aaron have an open line of communication. There were no surprises.

“So, I was thinking I might surprise you,” Aaron pipes up. You stand corrected.

“Oh?” You say.

“You’ve been working your ass off lately, between the team and the Academy Trainee course Strauss pulled you for,” he explains. “I wanted to do something fun for you. I noticed you still had ‘experience with two or more partners’ and ‘experience with a same-sex partner’ checked off as things you’d like to try…” he trails off nervously, and you can tell just by looking at him that he’s wondering if he should beg the floor to swallow him whole rather than continue this conversation.

“That would be a very special gift,” you agree with a smile, putting him out of his misery. “But who? I don’t necessarily want to bring a stranger into the apartment,” you say.

“You can say no, and we can never talk about it again,” he assures you. “But I was thinking… maybe Emily?”

You mull it over for a moment, taking Aaron’s hand in your own to let him know that you’re thinking, not shocked into silence. You… kind of like the idea of it. “Have you talked to her about it at all?”

“Not about joining us,” he says, and his phrasing is specific. You know him too well for that.

“But you’ve talked to her about… our dynamic?” You ask, confused. It’s not your real question— you know he’d never tell someone else about this without asking you, first.

“No, no,” he corrects. “That case a few months back, where the men were all bound— she floated the idea privately with me that the unsub may be a dominatrix, and it came up naturally, that she’s… similarly minded.”

“But with less murder,” you joke.

“Like I said, we can pretend I never even brought it up.”

“No!” You correct a little too quickly, making Aaron chuckle. “I want to. You can ask her about it.”

“I will,” he says, leaning in and pressing a kiss to your forehead. “Anything for you.”

+++++++

Emily says yes the next day when Hotch asks her about it. It’s the waiting that’s torture. It’s two whole weeks before the three of you find a day that works for everyone– and if you thought that was bad, the hours leading up to it were even worse.

You’re on edge the whole day— you’re nervous, yes, but it’s an excited kind of nervous, like the moments after you pull the safety harness down on a roller coaster. You plod around the house all afternoon, tidying things that don’t need to be tidied and wiping down the countertops, mopping the floor, baking a banana bread just to do something with your hands.

You nearly jump when Aaron wraps his arms around you from behind. “Go take a bath and ground yourself, my love. Use your fancy bubbles and take some deep breaths. I left you something to wear, it’s hanging up on the back of the bathroom door. Emily will be here in a bit. Would you like to sit with us while I explain your limits to her, or do you want me to do it?”

“You can do it,” you tell him softly.

“Okay angel. Then you go on up, take your bath and put on the pretty outfit Daddy got you, and sit at the foot of the bed and wait for us, okay?”

“Okay, daddy. Thank you.”

He smiles, giving you a quick kiss. “Nothing to thank me for. See you in a little bit.”

You go upstairs and see that Aaron has already drawn the bath for you, and has set out your favorite soaps and bubble bath and a fluffy, warm towel. You sink into the warm bath, and let yourself soak, focusing on your breathing. It helps. Once you feel ready, you drain the tub and look over to the lingerie Aaron had bought for you. It’s a lacy red bodysuit, and it’s crotchless. You get yourself good and dry before slipping into it, not wanting the delicate material to get caught on your wet skin. Once you’re dressed, you go into the bedroom and kneel at the foot of the bed the way you normally would if you were playing with just Aaron. You can hear the two of them talking, laughing, even, as you sit and wait for them.

Your anticipation builds the longer you listen to them– are they still talking about limits? Are they plotting– deciding what toys they’ll use, how they’ll tease you, when they’ll let you come? You can feel yourself getting turned on the longer you sit and think about it— you wonder if that’s part of their plan, too.

You snap back to attention when you hear footsteps coming up the staircase, straightening your spine and turning your gaze towards the floor.

The door swings open— you don’t move. You know better.

“Aw, she’s so cute,” Emily cooes. You feel warmth rise to your cheeks, try to bite down on your smile.

“Kitten, why don’t you say hello to our guest?”

You look up now, at Aaron. “What should I call her, Daddy?”

Aaron looks to Emily, who answers. “You have such good manners, sweet girl. You can call me Mistress.”

“Yes, Mistress. Thank you for coming,” you tell her with a smile. Looking her in the eyes for the first time makes this feel a hundred times more real, and you can tell that when they finally touch you, you’ll be soaked.

“Thank you for inviting me,” she smiles. “I understand that you and your daddy have a lot of fun together. I’m excited to have some fun with you, too.”

“Come here, kitten,” Aaron beckons, and you oblige him, crawling a few paces across the carpet and coming to sit next to his left hand. He runs a hand through your hair.

“Ladies first,” Aaron smirks, looking over to Emily.

Emily crouches down, nearly eye-to-eye with you, but she’s still a bit taller. She traces a finger down your cheekbone and the column of your neck, over your shoulder, sneering a little at the goosebumps that appear in the wake of her gentle touch. She pinches your nipple through the fabric of your lingerie, and you gasp a little, not expecting the sensation.

“Hmm,” Emily murmurs a contented little noise at your reaction, not letting up on her grip. “A good pinch, or a bad pinch?” She checks in.

“A good pinch, Mistress,” you assure her through gritted teeth.

She smiles. “Good,” she says, reaching for the other nipple, rolling it between her thumb and index finger. She gives them both a sharp pull, causing you to cry out, before she stands back up.

“That’s it?’Aaron scoffs.

“We have the whole night ahead of us,” Emily reminds him. “I’d take advantage while I’m still in a sharing mood.”

He rolls his eyes goodnaturedly, pulling you to your feet. “The thing about my sweet little slut, is that you don’t even need to touch anything significant to turn her into a mess,” he informs Emily as he uses his big hands to spread your thighs apart. You suddenly remember that your panties are crotchless, and tense up, worried that you’ll drip on the carpet before you’ve even begun. For his part, Aaron seems determined to make this happen— he kisses his way up your thighs, sucking at the tender flesh nearest where you were practically pulsing for him, but intentionally ignoring any action that would provide you with any relief. You take in a sharp little breath, trying not to whine.

“That’s it. I can smell you, already. You like that, don’t you, angel?” He whispers against your skin.

“Yes, Daddy,” you answer breathlessly.

“I know, I know,” he says sympathetically as he rises to his feet. “But not yet,” he whispers before sucking a bruise into your neck.

“Let’s move this party over to the bed, shall we?” Emily says, crossing the room and sitting on the edge of the mattress, stripping herself of her pants and her top. Aaron follows suit, losing all of his clothes and climbing on top of the mattress, giving his cock a few cursory strokes, spreading out the precum that had gathered at his tip. Emily gestures to her thigh, and you straddle it accordingly.

“Why don’t you tell me more about your daddy, angel?” Emily encourages you as her fingers sink into the flesh of your thigh and pull, encouraging you to rock against her.

You oblige, riding her thigh as you speak. “I love my daddy. He takes very good care of me,” you say as you rock against her once, readjusting to try and find a better angle for your clit. “He reminds me to drink water and take care of myself,” you continue rocking and find the place where your clit rubs up against her thigh in just the right way, moaning a little. “And he always reminds me that I’m his good little slut. He loves to make me cum,” you say, your humping gaining intensity, causing you to moan a little “Oh, and I love to make him come too,” you say, chasing your release against her.

“How do you like to make Daddy come?’ Emily asks, pushing your hair out of your face where it’s sticking to your sweat.

“I like to take his cock in my mouth,” you moan. “I like feeling him all the way down my throat. Oh, Mistress, may I come?” You ask as your rocking against her grows more frantic.

‘Not yet, baby. It’s too early,” she cooes. “Keep going. I heard Daddy call you a name earlier, do you like that? Do you like when we call you pathetic little names?”

“Yes, Mistress. I like to be called a needy little whore, or Daddy’s desperate slut.” You cry out.

“Oh, you are a desperate slut, aren’t you? Trying to come on Mistress’s thigh,”

“Yes, yes, I’m a desperate slut,” you agree, hoping your acquiescence will earn you an orgasm.

“Good girl. Stop,” she orders, and you hold back your sigh, not wanting to be punished. You step away from her, get back into your kneeling position on the floor. From your new vantage point, you can see Aaron– he’s been stroking his cock, watching you and Emily. He’s erect and slick, and you’ve never wanted him in your mouth more. You’re practically drooling.

“Kitten, you’ve made quite the mess of my thigh,” Emily tuts.

“I’m sorry Mistress. May I clean up my mess?”

“Of course, go ahead,” She grants you permission, and you begin to lick your own arousal off of her. Her skin is so soft, and she smells so nice, that you start to get lost in it, mouthing at her long after is necessary, until you feel a tug at your scalp.

“Don’t get distracted, kitten. Daddy’s waiting for you,” Emily reminds you, gesturing to the other side of the bed. You crawl over, looking at Aaron with glassy eyes.

“Daddy, may I suck your cock, please?”

“Hmm, let’s see,” Aaron says, extending two fingers, which you greedily pull into your mouth, bobbing your head up and down on them and taking them as deep as you can manage for a few moments until Aaron pulls them away.

“Come on up, angel,” Aaron says, pulling you into bed. “Go ahead,” he grants you permission, and you settle between his legs, licking the underside of his cock and looking up at him as you do so.

As soon as you have as much of Aaron as you can take in your mouth, you feel two fingers sink inside of you– Emily’s, you realize with a moan.

“Thank you, mistress,” you warble out without removing Aaron’s cock from your mouth.

“Focus angel. Mistress had her turn, now Daddy wants you all to himself. Don’t get distracted.”

“Yes, daddy,” you answer, refocusing your efforts on him, Even as Emily makes you squirm and whimper under her touch.

“Your pussy is so tight, sweet girl. Does Mistress make you feel good?”

“Yes, mistress, feels so good,” you answer, but as soon as you do, you feel a sharp spank to your backside.

“Focus, slut. Don’t make me remind you again,” Aaron says.

“I’m sorry, Daddy,” you say, taking him in your mouth again.

You’re content for a few moments, but when Emily removes her fingers from inside of you, you can’t help but whine.

“I’m feeling neglected, here. Kitten, why don’t you lay back against the pillows,” Emily encourages, and you look up at Aaron for permission, which he grants with a simple nod, getting up and taking one of his pillows with him.

“Lift your hips,” He tells you as Emily comes to the head of the bed.

Aaron slides a pillow underneath you just as Emily comes to straddle your face. “Mistress and Daddy want to come, angel, and then you can, okay?” Emily explains.

“Yes, Mistress,” you say, craning your neck up to kiss her entrance.

“Good girl, go ahead,” she tells you, lowering herself down towards you. You mouth at her with purpose, trying to remember all of the tricks you like best when Aaron does them on you, paying attention to which maneuvers make her tense up and cry out.

A few moments later, you feel Aaron’s cock sink into you, and your eyes nearly roll into the back of your head– you feel so deliciously full, not to mention how thoroughly fucked you had been throughout the evening. You felt… saturated, in the best way. Each one of your senses was laser-focused on pleasure. You were so grateful to Aaron for doing this for you– the thought motivated you, had you kicking it into high gear with Emily.

“Oh, good girl. You’re going to make Mistress come. You’re going to make me so happy. Don’t stop, angel. Don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t— fuck!” She cries out as she reaches her peak, her pleasure overwhelming you.

“Good girl. You did such a good job, you made mistress so happy,” Emily cooes breathlessly as she gets off of you, not wanting to suffocate you when she collapses against the mattress to catch her breath. She leans in, starts to kiss your neck. “Where’d you learn to do that, sweet girl? Is my perfect angel a little slut?” she asks, mouthing at any exposed skin she can reach.

“Yes, Mistress, I’m a little slut,” you agree.

“Who’s slut?” Aaron booms as he pounds into you.

“Your slut, Daddy. I’m your slut,” you amend.

“That’s right, kitten. Who does this pussy belong to?”

“You, daddy, my slutty pussy belongs to you!” You cry out as he taps your clit, and it sends him over the edge. He keeps pumping in and out of you as he comes, and Emily reaches down to your clit, rubbing at it.

“Go ahead, come. You earned it, baby, come.”

“Daddy?” You cry out, wanting to make sure you have permission.

“Yes, angel. Come for Daddy, my perfect girl. You did so good.”

You careen over the edge at his praise, arching your back and letting out a moan that turns into a cry. You’d been on edge for so long— before Emily had even arrived today, and it made the relief that much more gratifying.

“Thank you,” you pant out as you come back down to Earth.

“Give her a minute to settle,” Aaron warns Emily– the two of you had learned that rushing into aftercare could be a little overwhelming, so Aaron usually gave you a moment to catch your breath before he touched you.

“You did such a good job, my sweet girl. I’m so proud of you,” Aaron whispers gently. “When you’re ready, I want you to sit up for me, okay my love?”

You nod a little, taking another few deep breaths and scooting up towards the mattress.

“Good,” he whispers. “I will be right back,” he says, climbing off the mattress and leaving the room momentarily.

“Did you have fun?” Emily asks quietly, screwing the cap off of a bottle of water and handing it to you.

You gulp at it aggressively while you nod. “Yeah, I did. Did you?”

“Careful, you’ll get a stomachache,” she warns. “I had fun, but this was a treat for you.”

“Still. It’s only fun if everyone’s having fun,” you remind her. “Would you… want to do it again sometime?” She asks, feeling bold.

“Yeah. You should talk to Aaron first, though,” Emily says.

“Talk to Aaron about what?” He comes back to the room with a plate of fruit and a damp washcloth, sounding concerned.

“Nothing, baby. Later,” you assure him, and he gives you a little look that lets you know that he’s holding you to it.

“Alright, angel. You need to eat something, and I need to clean you up,” he says, handing you the plate and bringing the washcloth between your thighs. You extend the plate towards Emily, and she takes a strawberry, popping it between her lips as you bite down into a crunchy apple slice.

“Em, you should feel free to stay, if—” Aaron starts, but she cuts him off.

“I’d love to, but I can’t. Sergio is a very lonely boy,” she explains. “But this was a lot of fun. Thank you both for inviting me,” she says, kissing you both on the forehead as she dresses and packs up her stuff. Aaron insists on walking her to the door and watching her get into her car, as if she didn’t have a handgun in her purse and enough combat training to take out half of Northern Virginia. You’re snuggled up against his pillow when he returns, and he smiles.

“You had fun, angel?” He asks as he climbs into bed, pulling you into his chest.

“Of course I did. This whole thing just begs the question…” you start, trailing off.

“Begs what question?” Aaron asks.

“Who are we going to invite over to check off those boxes for you?”

@shmaptainhotchner @call-me-mrsreid @the-modernmary @ssamorganhotchner @choppa-style @ssahotchie @dadbodhotch11 @angelfxllcm @rousethemouse @scuttling @arsonhotchner @skyler666 @mintphoenix @gspenc @g-l-pierce @wheelsupkels

[phoenixyfriend]

Jangobi 5 for the soulmate thing? Because that would make the fight on kamino just *chef's kiss*

soulmate au prompts

5. the one where you don’t know your soulmate until you touch them.

Apparently there’s never any skin to skin contact in the movie? Because armor? So......... we’re gonna just. Quick little thing.

Also I’ve been doing a lot of “marginally less shitty” Jango, but this is just-as-shitty-as-canon Jango. It’s, uh, not much of a romance, because Kamino. Actually it’s mostly just a lot of angry yelling about human rights violations.

...I’m sure they’ll get together eventually. It’s just, you know... it’s going to take a while.

------

Jango’s heard about this Jedi.

The man isn’t famous, or particularly acclaimed. It’s just that Mandalorians gossip, and Death Watch isn’t exempt, and Dred Priest still has friends in the terrorist group. So do a few others.

(Jango sometimes wonders if he’d have invited Priest, had he knows the monster was only a step away from being Death Watch himself.)

(Probably not.)

(He’d at least have been able to see the battle circles coming.)

Death Watch hates one specific Jedi above all others: Obi-Wan Kenobi.

It’s almost enough to make a man like the pretty bastard, except the reason Death Watch hates this specific Jedi is because he kept Duchess Kryze alive, and Jango isn’t much of a fan of hers, either.

In the moment, though, the main thing this all means is that Obi-Wan Kenobi knows Mandalorian customs.

First meetings, out of armor, mean ensuring the arm clasp has skin contact.

His eyes flick down to where Jango is reflexively pulling up his sleeves, and the man just... does the same, sodden as the beige-on-brown-on-dark-brown robes are.

Jango can’t just play it off. He has to, ugh, arm clasp with a Jedi.

Kenobi probably guesses how unpleasant this is for him, going by the grim little smile that he wears, the one Taun We can’t read and Jango can, but they touch forearms and le--

They do not let go.

“Oh kriff,” Kenobi swears, and then it’s just... it’s too late. It’s too late to stop anything.

“Jetii,” Jango spits as if it’s a swear.

He doesn’t want to be soulmates with a Jedi. No sane person ever wants to be soulmates with a Jedi, but as a Mandalorian, and as specifically Jango Fett, who signed onto this project for revenge against Jedi, the idea is just... excruciating.

“For revenge? Not entirely unexpected, but I’m still somehow disappointed.”

“Stay out of my head.”

Kenobi smiles at him, completely devoid of anything but the blackest of humor. “Are you staying out of mine?”

And, well, no. They’re soulmates. Kenobi has more of an idea on how to control how far his mind wanders into Jango’s, but in this moment, just seconds after being bound together by the universe... Jango’s slamming into Kenobi’s shields with an embarrassing lack of control.

“Is something the matter?” Taun We asks.

“I do believe we need to speak alone,” Kenobi says. “Unfortunate timing, but this is our first meeting, and it appears we are soulmates.”

“Ah. We were informed of the human tendency towards such.” She blinks, too large eyes impossible to read for Kenobi, but entirely readable for Jango after all these years. She’s irritated. “I apologize, but it appears we were unable to remove such unpredictability from the product.”

A wave of revulsion leaks out of Kenobi’s mind and into Jango’s. The man just nods. “I understand. As it is, I imagine that the near instantaneous communication on the battlefield will be a boon, if any are bonded to each other or to active soldiers.”

“I defer to your judgement as client, Master Kenobi,” Taun We hums, still irritable. It’s less visible in her face, but... Kenobi can feel it. “I shall leave you to get... acquainted.”

Aaaaaaaand she’s expecting them to sleep together the second she turns her back. The disgust she feels at the thought of such carnal activities is thirdhand to Jango, but he can still feel it, because Kenobi can feel it, because they’re soulmates.

“Oh, do tell me how you really feel,” Kenobi mutters, sweeping past him into the apartment.

Jango wishes he could slam the door as he storms after the Jedi.

“Listen here--”

“Absolutely not,” Kenobi says, with the kind of bland, impersonal smile that Jango’s heard Dred Priest bitch about at least a dozen times. “I need you to answer me this: why are you selling your children into what is clearly slavery?”

“They’re not my children.”

“You choose to be dar’buir, then?” Kenobi clucks a tongue, acting like he can’t even feel Jango’s waves of hate that are just growing by the second. “Shame on you, Mand’alor.”

“I am not the Mand’alor.”

“No. You are demagolka,” Kenobi says, the sweet words of Jango’s first language falling from his lips like poisoned honey. “They are your children, Fett. Your clones, just as human as you.”

“They are little more than droids, Jedi. The Kaminoans--”

Kenobi laughs, sharp and bitter, and it’s enough of a surprise that Jango stops talking. The Jedi strides closer, and it takes everything in him to not step back at what little emotion the Jedi allows through.

“Let me show you,” Kenobi hisses, putting a hand on either side of Jango’s head and it’s too much this is not a sense he is meant to have.

Kenobi cannot lie to Jango, not in this mental space. Not in this existence. He can cherry-pick what he shows, he can exaggerate, he can hide, but he cannot present a falsehood.

What Kenobi shows him, as he pulls Jango into his mind and drowns him in the sensation of the Force, is how each and every clone shines, bright and unique and so very human, so very sentient, so very alive.

These are your children, Kenobi says, directly into his mind and with no room to pull away. If they choose to disown you for your crimes against them, then that is their right, but until they do, they are your responsibility. You’re playing in denial and cognitive dissonance, soulmate mine. If I have to drag you into caring for your children the way any Mandalorian would, then so be it.

“Kriff off,” Jango manages to grit out in the real world. Kenobi looks unimpressed, when he lets go. The sensations in Jango’s mind, the jangled distaste and horror and anger, those are worse.

“Are you going to be dar’manda?” Kenobi demands. “You, who were once king of your people, have you really sunk so low to be the worst of your kind? To be so horrible that even Kyr’tsad would be shamed? Or worse, approve?”

“You have no place--”

“You are violating one of the core tenets of your culture!” Kenobi shouts. “You are being the worst of what you could be, Jango Fett! The most important, the absolute most important element of your culture, the care and nurture of children, and look at what you’ve done--”

“The clones--”

“Your sons!” Kenobi growls at him. “Your children, Fett. I’ve a student that is, by every Mandalorian standard, my son. I know what it is to take in a child that is not yours by blood, to raise a foundling, and you are cutting off millions that are your blood. You aren’t turning away an orphan to another family because you cannot care for them as they deserve, you are breeding your children for war like bantha to slaughter.”

Jango throws the first punch.

Kenobi throws the second.

By the time the fight ends, the room is in ruins, for all that they do not draw blasters or sabers. Kenobi has Jango on his back, straddling his chest with knees on his wrists, a vibroblade to his neck. Kenobi’s lip is bleeding, and Jango thinks he might have caused a hairline fracture in the cheekbone. Both of them have at least one broken rib, and Jango’s currently blind in one eye from the blood pouring out of a cut on his forehead.

Kenobi’s a good fighter. If it weren’t for everything else, Jango might have even been able to appreciate that.

“You,” Kenobi growls, fisting one hand into Jango’s curls and yanking for emphasis, earning himself a snarl in return. “Are going to fix this mess you’ve helped create. If I have to drag the entire Jedi council, the entire senate, if I have to drag in all of Mandalore to make you fix this, I will.”

There’s determination in those words, angry and a little spiteful, but mostly just... disappointed.

“Of course I’m disappointed,” Kenobi spits out, like the words are hot coals. He’s expressive. Jango wants to like it, but mostly he just resents the trait. “I hoped to never find a soulmate; it just complicates things. Opsec becomes a nightmare and holding to the code is difficult. And now I have a soulmate, and he’s an absolute monster that views his own children as little more than droids.”

“War is going to come for them no matter what,” Jango manages to say, and Kenobi’s look is back to unimpressed. “Don’t pretend you haven’t heard of the separatists. There’s an army of actual droids, metal and code, just waiting for the right moment to pick a fight. It’s too late to stop it.”

“...you’re not only raising an army of your own children, but engineering the war that’s going to kill them?” Kenobi almost screeches, and the wave of nauseous loathing that slams into Jango is almost enough to make him actually vomit. Kenobi didn’t pull punches, not in the actual fight and not in whatever mental battle they’re apparently having via emotions and words.

“I’m not engineering it,” Jango says. “I’m just one part in a bigger machine. I got my payment. The rest is on Tyranus.”

He doesn’t even stop the images from flickering through his mind, throwing the man who hired him under the speeder.

“Master Dooku?” Kenobi whispers, horror growing. “No, no, I killed the--the Sith can’t--I killed the one on Naboo, and the Council mentioned the Rule of Two, but... oh hells.”

“You know him?” Jango taunts.

“He’s my grandmaster,” Kenobi says, and Jango can’t imagine the rest is meant to reach him, but the undercurrent is there.

Count Dooku is, by Mandalorian law, Kenobi’s grandfather.

Jango... suddenly feels a little regret about the taunting.

“I’d rather you feel regret about your children,” Kenobi snaps at him. “Every single one of them is a person, one that you chose to bring into this world, and they are your children.”

The argument is going in circles, but there are still places to take this.

“Your army is all adults, Kenobi,” Jango decides.

“They are ten years old,” Kenobi retorts. “Accelerated aging, sure, but they are children.”

“They’re soldiers.”

Disgust again, the same thing Kenobi has felt every time Jango has reasserted the purpose these children were born to, the same thing Jango has told his son, his sergeants, himself, for over a decade.

“A son?” Kenobi whispers. “Is your denial that strong, Fett? That you would claim one and not the rest?”

“Payment,” Jango says, and lets Kenobi feel the rest, since he seems so karking keen on it.

“Keeping one child in exchange for letting yourself be the creator of a slave army,” Kenobi says, and he doesn’t seem impressed. “Weren’t you a slave? Two years on a spice ship, wasn’t it?”

“Don’t you dare--”

“And you would put your sons in chains,” Kenobi hisses, hands going for Jango’s head again. It’s a sense memory, this time, of dark tunnels and exploding collars and a dar’jetii that... was his older brother. According to the Jedi way of thinking.

It’s a twisting fear and pain and I will die so that others may live while looking at an older man, a Master, who can maybe save the other slaves at the expense of one too-angry Initiate’s li--

“Get out of my head!” Jango roars, and he still can’t move his arms, and his legs are held down by the Force, but he twists his head to bite and Kenobi snatches his hands away.

Kenobi glares down at him, almost sneering with the amount of disdain he has for Jango’s general existence. “I’m your soulmate, and had we met fifteen years ago, I might have even thought that an alright thing... but whatever you are now isn’t something I can abide by. You won’t listen to morality, so let me say this instead: a Jedi does not kill an unarmed opponent, but I have full authority to arrest you, even here. I will take you back to the Republic, to be tried for your collusion with a Sith, and you will go to prison. You can try to run, but I am in your head, and you’re in mine. Once you’re in prison, what happens to your son?”

The implication is there, but even if it wasn’t, Jango hears the thought:

They’re soulmates. The Republic would place Boba with Kenobi.

He refuses to have his child raised by a holier-than-thou Jedi.

“Holiness doesn’t have any meaning in Jedi philosophy,” Kenobi says, relaxing just the slightest bit. “Other religions, yes, but no place in ours.”

“You’re a self-righteous bastard,” Jango says flatly. “Despite threatening a child.”

“You mean threatening to take custody of a child being raised in an unhealthy environment, one where he’s being taught to devalue his brothers, engendering a mental dissonance where he has to convince himself he’s special for a reason and that you won’t just drop him if he fails to be perfect?” Kenobi asks. “I prefer to keep children with guardians who love them, but the argument that he’s better off away from you isn’t a difficult one.”

“Oh, like a child-stealer--”

“My mother tried to drown me when I was a toddler,” Kenobi says, even flatter than Jango had been a minute earlier. “Because I was Force-Sensitive, and it was considered curse on my home planet. A Jedi saved me. Tell me that was a kidnapping and not being saved.”

Jango grinds his teeth. “You’re damned smug whenever you have some sob story that outranks mine.”

“This isn’t about who has the bigger sob story,” Kenobi says, and Jango can feel how he’s just as ready to start clenching his jaw to deal with Jango’s bullshit. “It’s about you doing your damned job as a Mandalorian and a father, and taking responsibility for your children. All three million of them.”

It really, really is a pity they didn’t meet before Jango took this job. They could have been great together.

As it is, Jango goes for the groin shot the second Kenobi lets him back on his feet.

[sepublic]

Amelia’s Alzheimer’s?

           From what Owen Dennis told us, Book 5 of Infinity Train would’ve been a movie, covering Amelia’s takeover of the train… Which, I don’t know if Book 5 would’ve gone over her takeover, AND her eventual arc post-Book 3, but; I believe the implication is that like Book 4, this movie would’ve been a pure prequel, set in the past. A good look and further contextualization of Amelia’s past sins and how she got into the headspace she now has, in order to set up for a future Book where she finally gets her proper arc.

           That leaves just three other books… One about Guilt, the next about Revenge, and the last of Acceptance. Book 5 is about Grief fittingly enough, and we know that Book 8 (Acceptance) would’ve delved into a passenger with alzheimer’s, whose condition would’ve kept them from engaging with the Infinity Train’s intended function properly. Owen Dennis mentioned how this final season would’ve been based on his own experiences with his grandfather, who had a similar issue in the past.

           It’s easy to assume that Book 8 would’ve been about a whole new character, which leaves either Books 6 or 7 for the resolution to Amelia’s arc- But what if that’s not the case? The Book 8 protagonist would be pretty old, presumably, so…

           …What if Amelia was the Book 8 protagonist? What if, by the end of the series, Amelia’s age would’ve caught up to her, and she’d start developing alzheimer’s- Further complicating her attempts to get her number down, especially when she can no longer remember Alrick like she used to!

           Think about it- Amelia as the final protagonist would be a neat book-end to the series, given how we began with her as the final antagonist of Book 1. The show starts and ends with Amelia, who alongside One-One and Samantha the Cat (and arguably Randall) are basically the core, central tenet characters of the entire show. The resolution of Infinity Train is the resolution of Amelia, who serves as the passenger most entwined with the train, having once been its conductor even!

           Not only that, but with how Amelia’s character serves as a means of criticizing and showing the fallibility of the Infinity Train, how she’s able to game the system, how she works in a place to criticize One-One’s direction with it… And her having to deal with alzheimer’s could continue that theme of Amelia’s character being a commentary on the flaws of the Infinity Train, if it can’t account for her memory loss!

           Amelia’s memory loss would be difficult to work with, if we’d only gotten to know her in just Book 8; But now we have Books 1, 3, 4, and 5 (at the very least!) to bring background and context to her life-story, and it’s a LONG one too! Setting up Amelia’s past in great detail, going into the intricacies across the entire show… It could be setting up the audience to remember all of this, when Amelia herself can’t- So we can get a better idea of her frustration, of how she ended up here when Amelia herself is confused, etc.! We gain a deep and intimate understanding of Amelia’s past for her, in preparation for the memory loss of Book 8.

           Owen talking about how Book 8 would’ve been based on his own experiences, watching his grandfather deal with amnesia- From a meta sense, the audience could serve Owen’s role! We’re the younger people, watching Amelia, our favorite old lady, grow across the series… We get attached to her, she’s basically like family, so naturally it hits harder to see her lose her memory. It’d be a meta way for Owen to really capture what he experienced in real life, by having the audience take his position when observing the character of Amelia.

           From an in-universe standpoint, perhaps Hazel could serve as the proxy for Owen! She’s more or less Amelia’s daughter in the technical and arguably figurative sense- We don’t know exactly how their relationship would progress, and the last time we had hopes of Found Family for Hazel, it didn’t quite work out… But regardless. Perhaps Hazel, as a kid with relation to the older Amelia, would’ve gotten to grow up with her surrogate caretaker, learn to value and appreciate her and vice-versa; And then we see from Hazel’s pained perspective, the loss of Amelia’s memories. Perhaps Amelia losing her memories of her times with Hazel, even!

           This could tie Amelia and Hazel’s stories together, especially with how linked the two are, with Hazel resulting from Amelia’s failed attempts to bring back Alrick! And Hazel has a few of Amelia’s memories- She remembers taking ballroom dance lessons, because Amelia was drawing upon those memories when trying to recreate Alrick. Hazel could serve as a young guide to comfort Amelia, a genuinely emotional connection, someone who remembers what Amelia can’t, in the absence of Alrick.

           Book 8 would’ve been about Acceptance- AKA the final part of the 5 stages of Grief, when dealing with the death of a loved one… And Grief is the theme of Book 5, Amelia’s origin story! Amelia would accept the death of Alrick at the end of Book 8, and perhaps Hazel could learn to accept the death of Tuba and another family member in Amelia… In the sense that yes, Amelia is leaving her too- But Hazel will learn to move past Tuba’s death, and perhaps her own experience can help Amelia as well. They can grieve for Amelia’s memories, for Alrick, etc.

           It’d also be an interesting and frustrating challenge for Amelia- As someone who no doubt has at least some pride in her intellect and mind, having her own mind start to degrade… It’d really put her into an interesting headspace, and force Amelia into that acceptance of what is inevitable, that some things she really can’t change. And of course, this could deal with theme of acceptance, of how Amelia clings to her past with Alrick; Having her memories of him start to fade could really shake this up, and force her to re-evaluate her life and values, her priorities… Perhaps decide to instead focus on the Now and Future, accepting that her past with Alrick is not only long-gone, but possibly due to be forgotten. That she can love and appreciate what it did for her, but Amelia has no choice but to move on- Even without those memories, without that past, she still has a future with Hazel and everyone else to keep living for.

           For all we know, Samantha the Cat could even come into play here! She’s someone with access to people’s tapes, among them none other than Amelia’s- And before she gave it to Simon, Samantha also had the ability to create new tapes from passengers on the go. Samantha is a long-lived denizen, at least about 150+ years old, she’s lived and seen the entirety of Amelia’s reign, and was likely there since the very beginning; Owen Dennis did allude to Samantha being present in Book 5… Specifically, he suggested that us seeing Samantha kill someone was a possibility, amidst One-One or Amelia committing murder instead; And that of course suggests that, regardless of whether or not the Cat kills someone in Book 5, she’d still be a prevalent character.

           Samantha having that past with Amelia, and her own conniving nature, could possibly lead to her conflicting with Hazel, perhaps recounting memories differently, or trying to tell them in a way that’d sway Amelia to her side, who knows? It’s also worth noting that she’s someone who has regret and loss in Simon… So perhaps if she served as a central cast member for Book 8 (befitting my point about Amelia being a book-ends kind of character), Samantha would’ve learned to accept the death of Simon, and/or help Hazel and Amelia move on as well. It’d be a fitting and appropriate farewell, I believe, to have Amelia and Samantha, two main-stays since the beginning, have their arc at the very end of the series.

           And Hazel? Hazel could be representative of a new generation, to step up and take the mantle passed down. One-One’s own input would be fascinating, because like Samantha and Hazel, he has quite the past with Amelia, and a lot of significance and understanding of her sins. And with his control of the Infinity Train, I can see him attempt to recreate Amelia’s destroyed tape, or even try to create a new tape for her, to try and get around Amelia’s memory loss. The Infinity Train selectively deciding which memories it only thinks are important could lead to disagreement with One-One and conflict, exposing the flaws of the system- And/or, the Infinity Train might come across a roadblock because it can’taccess Amelia’s memories anymore!

           This could be a culmination for One-One’s arc as well, as seeing his failure to account and accommodate Amelia’s alzheimer’s, leads him to decide to make MAJOR reforms to the Infinity Train as a result! Maybe he’ll even stop the whole process of kidnapping passengers (while still letting the denizens function and roam freely). Him and Amelia have an unusual, kind of at-odds but not really, sort of frenemy relationship; They’re working together, they’ve been enemies, they’ve collaborated, each was the reigning conductor at one point. We could have Samantha as someone with negative recollections of her time with Amelia, One-One with overall netural ones, and Hazel with positive associations! Three different people with different pasts and interactions with Amelia, to provide their own input on their time with her, and thus help her rediscover her past…

           …Or, at the very least- Come to terms and accept who she is, and finally move on. And, it goes without saying that Amelia’s dilemma with her huge number could be complicated by her Alzheimer’s, if she can’t remember things- And it’d be interesting to see how it might fluctuate, if at all. Perhaps Amelia’s progress actually gets pretty good, but THEN the memory loss begins to kick in, and that frustrates her. It’d teach the lesson that progress is not linear, that sometimes you might backtrack, you might think you’re so close, only to have retread the same path… And sometimes you’re tired of the journey and just want to get to the destination, to the final stop at the end of the railroad. We could have Amelia learn to accept help from others, to not try and seize control for herself as all-powerful Conductor, to gain some humility amidst her pride in her own ability and intellect…

           We could have Amelia awkwardly navigate the train without her memories, stumbling across and slowly figuring out what needs to be done in order to lower her number, with just the number’s movement as an indicator, and no memories to work off of! Her only hints are whenever her number moves to a certain situation, so Amelia really has to work backwards… Through trial and error, figure out what needs to be done; Perhaps a callback to Grace and Simon, who had no guidance and struggled with figuring out what their numbers expected of them.

          It’d be an interesting book-end to THAT point, especially since it was Amelia who unknowingly contributed to Grace misinterpreting the function of her number, so then having Amelia rectify this with herself, learning to properly figure out what her number means, and then accepting that without going into denial like Simon did… It’d really show the growth of her, but also the series, and of course the fact that Grace and Simon were literal kids, and Amelia is a seasoned adult. And of course, there’s the existential questions, if Amelia is a different person without her memories, if those sins still apply if she can’t remember them anymore, if she’s essentially disconnected and detached, etc.

          We might see Amelia operate without any memories of her grief with Alrick, see how she is without that- And it might concern and frustrate Amelia, because she could conflate moving past Alrick, as being the same as getting rid of him truly… And the memory loss certainly doesn’t help. Who is she without her memories? It could lead to an identity crisis that echoes back to Book 2’s themes. Amelia without memories might learn to rediscover herself by looking into her past, perhaps existing without recollection, just this number she slowly figures out how to lower. Perhaps having a new, more detached/objective look at her own past, from a perspective as someone who doesn’t remember them, so it feels like the recollections of a stranger- It might contribute to Amelia really coming to terms with happened, with herself, and finally Acceptance.

           It really could be the culmination of the series; With how the age of protagonists for each Book gets progressively older, Amelia’s elderly age and Alzheimer’s would’ve been the end of the line, the final stop/destination for the train. It’d make Amelia the central Passenger of the show, who we’ve been following since Book 1, watching her progress, in a sense seeing her grow up- And then finally seeing her grow old and suffer from Alzheimer’s. The journey of the Infinity Train could be the journey of Amelia, from her boarding the train, to the final destination, literally and figuratively. It could tie into the arcs of Hazel, Samantha, and One-One, and finally deconstruct the Infinity Train with an outsider who did exactly like that!

           What do you guys think? I think it’d be quite the experience to watch Amelia grow and struggle as a person, so it really does feel personal and intimate to us, when we know her memories, only for Amelia herself to lose them... A fascinating, bittersweet study and journey of Amelia, but one we accept, because the journey made the destination worthwhile.

[smp-live]

I think the thing a lot of people don’t realize about c!Wilbur is that he’s always cared about L’Manburg being democratic. It’s always been so important to him that it was one of the biggest motivations for the TNT plan, and he even still talks about it in current-era canon.

Both during the “let’s be the bad guys” speech and any time after when Tommy tells him “we can still take it back,” his reasoning against it is that they’ll be the bad guys, then, because the people elected Schlatt and in fighting him, they’re holding what is essentially a coup. That’s why he declared himself the villain, because obviously they couldn’t let Schlatt stay in charge, but if they took it back they’d be in the same position as before: non-democratic leaders of L’Manburg. They’d be opposing its core tenet of democracy and listening to the people. It was a lose-lose situation, in Wilbur’s eyes. But the biggest takeaway here is that he would rather get rid of it than rule against the will of the people.

And then, from A Year Later: “We had democracy. Albeit, a slightly disjointed version of it.” Even after over thirteen years dead, that’s one of the biggest positives he remembers from L’Manburg. Except he’s aware that it wasn’t ideal. It was not actual, proper democracy. And he acknowledges this. He is well-aware of it, of his leadership’s shortcomings.

Which is why, given his awareness that technically his rule was not of the will of the people, and the extent to which he’d rather go then return to that, (of course, tying into his self-hatred and later on, the knowledge that the people “didn’t re-elect him” - although they technically did, were it not for the coalition,) I honestly don’t think it’s a stretch to say that one of the things weighing down on him as President was the non-democratic nature of his leadership. He was fully aware that he wasn’t ‘rightfully’ elected, and that he wasn’t embodying what he’d built L’Manburg to be. And he thought he was useless, a bad President, etc, so he was probably convinced he couldn’t even be a good ‘dictator.’

But he couldn’t bring himself to do anything about it because of his paranoia and fears over not being in control. It was a fight between his self-hatred for ruining L’Manburg, and the part of him that needed to stay the way they were. And then, he got the idea of a one-party election where he couldn’t lose, but could assuage his worries both over the people not wanting him and over ruining L’Manburg’s name. He specifically points out that the election is the democratic route, after all. That was an important fact to him, that they were taking the democracy option, and not being dictators. That was part of the goal of the election: mostly to ensure he had the trust of the people, yes, but also to make L’Manburg democratic.

[amelia]

related to that last ask but now i actually have a question! what are your favourite episodes for amy as a character? (sorry if i’m pestering you btw you don’t have to answer right away ❣️)

it is absolutely never a bother for me to talk about amy pond!! gosh though this is a Question. okay. i did interpret this as episodes that are my favorite for the lens of My Understanding Of Amy instead of favorite pond era episodes as a whole if that makes sense? under the cut bc i got long as i tend to do

i think my number 1 has to be the big bang, because it really is just like. okay, pond era absolutely runs into the problem of frequently making stories/episodes that should be centered around amy's emotional journey actually about somebody else — but the big bang is all hers. it is all on her! she's leading the show SHE'S the one in the pandorica SHE'S the one who remembers the doctor into existence it is HER choice to say goodbye to leadworth and continue to travel completely without remorse SHE IS THE HERO. it goes from "time can be rewritten, he'll find a way" to AMY being the one who finds the way. rory and river and the doctor all of course get their Moments but it's unquestionably amy's spotlight moment the whole way through

i have also ALWAYSSS been obsessed with starless universe amelia and the way that she still believes in stars in a world where they DON'T EXIST the power of her mind and the conviction of her beliefs is a CORE TENET of amy's character, the doctor has NOTHING to do with it!!! it's just who she is !!! best character of all time <3

other things about the amy's writing in this episode i love: the line "the universe pouring into her dreams every night," space florida outfit <3, ok i obviously do not love this but i think so much about amy talking about the doctor at her wedding and her mother is still like "NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN… i thought the psychiatrists FIXED her" like once again !!! a UNIVERSAL CONSTANT that amy is the one who believes in things nobody else does and is LOUD about it and is RIGHT !!! (let's kill hitler tried to retcon this but it simply won't work on me ❤️ just like anything else about the let's kill hitler flashbacks ❤️❤️❤️), OKAY DOCTOR DID I SURPRISE YOU THIS TIME? <3

number 2, i think, is the eleventh hour itself? like it's just… i've rewatched it so many times and it's still the most captivating character introduction i have ever seen. i know i'm biased but i love it so much. her introduction as a clearly neglected seven year old girl (constantly think about the deleted line that has her talking to aunt sharon and saying "you're not supposed to leave me, i'm seven!" WOOF) who's not afraid of anything except for the crack in her wall… she has drawings up all over her house of burning houses, she draws smiley faces into her apples bc her mom used to do that, she can cook for herself way better than i could at seven, and she desperately just wants to leave. but when the doctor tells her he'll be back in five minutes, amy is already so used to adults leaving her and breaking their promises that she doesn't believe him. but he makes her believe anyway. and he doesn't come back.

and all of the rest of her character hinges on that introduction — of course she has to believe him, he was REAL, nobody can take his realness away from her even if she is the only one who believes. but he also left her all alone for so long, just like everyone else who was supposed to be there for her did, so what good does that to her? so yeah of course she grows up angry and bitter and hiding those layers of hurt deeply under the surface, scorning all attachment and serious relationships because she knows she can't trust them. she outwardly distances herself from her childhood self by changing her name but she IS still just such a child inside.

she's not ready to settle, to grow up, to become what everyone in her tiny village wants her to be, thinks that she should be — so when she gets the chance to GO, of course she takes it. but she's also not just going to let the doctor off the hook for [gestures] her entire life, you know? the exchanges "people always say that" "i'm not people, do i even look like people?" | "people always have a reason" "do i look like people?" "Yes." always just GUT ME. she may trust him but it's NOT a blind trust, it can't be.

number 3 has to be the beast below it just makes me SCREAM how good that episode is at really developing amy through her compassion for other people — right from the start she sees that kid crying and she thinks the doctor must ignore stuff like this all the time, and she says that she could never do that. she's learning and intuiting leaps and bounds about the doctor with everything he says to her — which is another one of my favorite amy character traits, the way she is SO quick to pick up on things about other people and analyze them. everything that she picks up about the doctor allows her to KNOW what to do to save the star whale, allows her to be confident in the fact that the star whale wanted to help the whole time. the choice is IN HER HANDS she IS THE HERO <3 as she always should be. you couldn't just stand there and watch people cry! all that pain and misery and loneliness and it MADE IT KIND. i don't care how overused that quote is it still HITS !!!

um. number 4 is the girl who waited but my very specific headcanon-ridden interpretation and cutting out all that garbage "rory's the most beautiful man i've ever met" "defying destiny causality the nexus of time itself for a boy" bullshit. idk there's so many terrible things about this episode but it also gave me so much to think about when it comes to amy it's on my mind a LOT. one thing i think about is the way it parallels amy's first abandonment by the doctor — not just in the obvious sense but in the way that she's actively fighting for her life in a hostile atmosphere, but nobody else SEES it as a hostile atmosphere. the two streams facility is leadworth like it really is. and what adds a more chilling component is the way the handbots signature line is "do not be alarmed, this is a kindness" — like all the people who were trying to convince amy she was crazy throughout her entire childhood really thought they were doing her a kindness. they thought they were helping her. but they were killing her. because she wasn't made for that environment.

beyond that i am just obsessed with 36-years-later amy she is an icon she is a legend she is the moment i don't care! every mean thing she said about the doctor and rory was absolutely deserved and in fact she should have been so much meaner! she is SO SMART she makes her own SONIC PROBES OUT OF CAMERA PHONES the fact that she even was able to SURVIVE THAT LONG and in COMPLETE isolation and still retain her own mental faculties is just insane to me it speaks so much about her insane mental strength oh my god it makes me sooo emotional i am tearing up a little typing this right now.

i just am always THINKING about the line "there he is, the voice of god. number one lesson: survive, because no one's coming for you. you taught me that" it says SO MUCH about her. oh my god older amy didn't want to die she'll be kicking and screaming and fighting til the end… i fucking hate this show and picking and choosing when paradoxes should apply OLDER AMY DESERVED TO LIVE

number 5 is probably the power of three but my own very headcanon infused interpretation of it. because it's like. the ultimate miscommunication/misunderstanding that exists between amy and the doctor coming to a head. where amy in 7.02 is like "i can't not wait for you, even now. (…) we think you're weaning us off you" (that line always makes me slow exhale … the phrasing of the doctor as a drug) and the doctor keeps insisting that's not true, "you'll be there until the end of me" "or vice versa" (and they have that loaded held stare and you know they're both thinking about what he said to her before he left in the god complex…)

but it's not until this episode where amy starts to actually believe he means it. at the same time she's spent so much TIME preparing for the inevitable moment where the doctor says goodbye and doesn't say hello ever again that she's not willing to fully hope that the doctor really means it when he says that he would never leave her permanently on purpose. and i love that this episode gives amy a lot of space to verbally communicate her emotions because the later pond episodes SORELY LACK THAT. and amy tells him, don't be nice to me, don't stop coming around just because you think that's the kind thing to do. even though she says herself that she doesn't know if she can have "both" — she knows that she can tell the doctor to stay, in her own way, and that he'll listen.

ideally they would have just gone off traveling together forever after that and the angels take manhattan did not happen but unlike what the doctor says about amy, i don't ever get what i want 🙃

also, this episode gave amy friends that weren't rory or the doctor or river so i love it for that on principal <3 i know amy had fun being the bridesmaid at laura's lesbian wedding. and kate!!

( i do hate that this episode ends with that conversation between brian and the doctor. i hate brian as a character and i will forever. won't get into this right now but OUGH )

honestly this list is kind of wobbly and might change if you asked me in a month so i'll just rattle off other favorite episodes / moments real quickly: the good night minisode (it counts!), RIVER SONG DIDN'T GET IT ALL FROM YOU SWEETIE (timeline frozen amy my beloved!), "i remember it so it happened so i did it," vincent and the doctor specifically when vincent tells amy that he hears the song of her sadness…. ow, i could write a whole other essay about amy's choice and how it is so much more complex than people give it credit for but this post is already so goddamn long

[randombubblegum]

what do you think are some of the main differences between parx and girl parx (aside from the obvious of appearance, pronouns etc)

oh man i think about this all the time honestly...... my idea of girlparx being as it is a genderbend au is that everything is the same except they grew up as girls and not boys, so personalities and life events would stay largely the same..... the one major thing that would change is the way they were treated by others and socialized to act ESPECIALLY being into the music scene.

awsten already has a permanent chip on his shoulder from how Band Dudes treated him in the scene, otto the same to a lesser extent, so coming up as a chick girlparx awsten would be treated much worse and therefore have an even stronger need to prove herself (at first) and then just say fuck it to whatever shes “supposed” to do being in a band (eventual). ever since she was like 14 and started going to shows and playing guitar its been a constant barrage of “oh yeah? name 5 of their songs” “can you even play that thing?” “so whose girlfriend are you” etc etc and worse and shittier, and when shes actually In bands instead of just Watching bands it grates on her even more. plus boy awsten got a lot of shit for being a prettyboy, non-masculine, etc so girl awsten in the same spaces would get a similar brand of garbage to deal with i think...... but a core tenet of awstens personality is not knowing when to quit or back down so it doesnt stop her from making parx and promoing it the same way. but it makes her cling even closer to her dude friends who dont treat her like that (jawn, travis)

as for otto...... she dodges most of the misogyny awsten gets hit with by nature of being quiet, a drummer and not a frontman, a tomboy, etc, but she hates the band culture just as much as awsten and hates seeing awsten tear herself to pieces over it...... shes buff but not rly a jock (like boy otto) so shes kind of a lesbian heartthrob without having any idea about it LOL. actually so is boy otto so is this even a change

and geoff wasnt in bands until parx so she missed all of that!!!! tbh i feel like geoff changes the least in girlparx...... i think she would be less willing to talk about pokemon and nintendo and nerdy stuff with people she doesnt trust after getting called a fake gamer girl growing up for not liking rEaL gAmEs but she still loves them just as much!!!!! shes still a myspace scene queen and awsten still doesnt want her over bc she wore a choker :) no change

[scientia-rex]

I know we all talk a lot, like a LOT a lot, about Fandom Discourse, and nuance often gets lost in the cacophony of extremely loud and incredibly close opinions, but like... I've said before that teenage girls giving grown women shit for being in fandom are mostly enacting internalized misogyny and ageism, like DEEPLY deeply internalized, but also, what do those girls think I was doing at 14? Because I can tell you: it was discovering that fanfiction existed and getting SUPER into Mulder/Scully Romance (MSR, as we called it Back In The Day) and hiding my age from the grown women who were running the show back then so that they wouldn't kick me out for being a minor.

Do the youths think the joy you get from this just... fades? Like the joy of playing with dolls did for me? I remember it, because I was so into storytelling with dolls as a kid. I would take any inanimate object and invest it with a life and a backstory and a complicated love triangle. My MicroMachines were in polycules with my neon green hair tie that had the little marble things at the end. I'm not even joking. And then one day, when I realized I hadn't played with my Barbies in a while, I pulled them out. But I couldn't find the joy. I was probably around twelve or thirteen? Maybe? Maybe even older, because I was in the downstairs bedroom by then. I couldn't find it in me to construct the kinds of stories, richly layered and bizarre to the point of being fundamentally incomprehensible to other people, that I'd loved so much.

I started writing somewhere in that same time frame. It's not that writing made dolls less fun, I just needed a different frame to process storytelling through. Words worked in a way physical objects no longer did.

And I've said this before, too, but: the things you get out of fanfiction change with time. I'm not reading or writing the same kinds of things. Some stories are classics I'll probably love forever, and some I've outgrown. The same way my relationship with any kind of storytelling has changed, I suppose. I watch Clue now, or Clueless, or Police Academy, and I get something very different than I did when I watched them as a kid. I still love them, but the relationship is different.

But many of the things I loved so much about fanfiction are still true. I still get the joy of interacting with characters I already know, so I don't have to spend a lot of time world-building or doing introductions. I get the naughty "woooOOOOOoooo" factor of writing sex scenes. I get to explore the same world through a thousand different lenses--like comic books, where I can push the reset button. What would this person be like in space? In a coffee shop? As a werewolf? What makes this person this person, and not someone else? What are the core, inalienable tenets of their character? How do they look naked? As humans, we are often utterly obsessed with other humans, with ourselves, with what humanity means. That doesn't change. I just look at it differently, approaching 40, than I did when I was 14.

I still get an incredible amount of joy out of fanfiction. The characters I write now get trapped in caves less and see therapists more. They talk about being workaholics instead of falling in instantaneous, electric love by exchanging glances. I have different things I want out of relationships in real life as well as out of relationships in fiction. I want to see how people fit together, how people change over time, how circumstances shape and change us. Fiction is the art of distillation: what is the core of a person? Of a relationship? It doesn't have to be romantic or sexual, but those are highly charged types of relationships, and I like to read and think about them. I like the frisson of a sexual attraction, I like the comfort of enduring love.

You don't have to give up things you enjoy if you still enjoy them past whatever you think the expiration date is. I pulled out my suitcase of Barbies on that last day because I thought, fuck it, I don't care if I'm "too old to play with dolls." It just turned out I didn't get the same joy out of it as I used to. So if your joy fades, sure, look elsewhere for it! But this is a place you can stay.

And you need, need, need to make it a place where others can stay, so don't pull any fucking racist bullshit or I will fucking eat you, don't give me that "safe space" crap if your idea of a safe space means hurting other people.

[elalmadelmar]

I'm not adding my thoughts on the original post for these images, because frankly I don't wanna stick my dick in that larger conversation, but holy shit, y'all.

I'm just sitting here with how fucked-up a whole concept this is.

"Men never ask for help. If a man asks you for help, you need to run."

A few years ago, pre-transition, I locked myself out of my apartment. No cell phone, no keys, nothing but my dumb ass and a bottle of ant spray. The leasing office for our complex is a few miles away, and while I could have walked that, it was already 5pm and no way was I gonna get there before they closed.

I stood in the parking lot and waited until someone who lived in my building (whom I don't know at all) pulled up, then I threw myself on her mercy and asked if I could borrow her cell phone to call the emergency maintenance line to get someone to come unlock my door. She was very nice about it -- not only let me use the phone, but also stayed with me until the maintenance guy got there, just chatting and getting to know one another. She had her son with her, a preschooler, and he proudly showed me something he'd drawn in preschool that day.

I have thought many times about that experience, and how it was that it could be such a calm and positive result specifically because I looked like a woman on the outside. (Class and race also doubtless play a role; as white "woman" wearing office attire, I had all the signifiers of belonging and non-threat.) If I had already started my transition at that point, if I'd had a beard and a deep voice, approaching a woman I don't know to ask if I could use her cell phone would have been sketchy. Even creepy. She probably would have said no, and even if she'd said yes she certainly wouldn't have stuck around after maintenance told me they were coming.

I'd be the same person. The same absent-minded dumbass who was so busy worrying about his grandma who hadn't answered her phone for our weekly call, that he forgot his door auto-locks and he needs to have keys in hand every time he steps out.

(Believe me, after this, I have my keys if I'm even opening the door, just in case.)

To be clear, I'm not criticizing the message. The fact is that a lot of men don't ask for help, and do use it as a foot in the door to do harm. Exploiting the natural human desire to be sociable and help others is a proven predatory strategy, and the responsibility for that understandable wariness falls 100% on the predators who have exploited it, not on the people who are just trying to keep themselves safe.

But at the same time -- holy shit, y'all.

"Men don't ask for help" is one of the most fundamental core tenets of toxic masculinity. It drives the injury, substance abuse, and suicide rate for men sky-high, because if you don't ask for help, the alternative is DIY everything, including self-medication and seeking the ultimate end for a painful existence.

If I'd already transitioned at that point -- or if I was a "real" man, if you're gonna take that stone-cold take on it -- then what was my alternative to asking for help? Break a window? Pay multiple hundreds of dollars for the window instead of the $75 after hours lockout fee, just so I could say that I'M A MAN WHO DOESN'T NEED HELP?

We don't fix this by starting out asking vulnerable people not to be wary. If I had the solution for the big social problem that is toxic masculinity, I wouldn't be sitting around on my ass posting to tumblr about it. But can we at least sit here and recognize how profoundly, jaw-droppingly batshit it is to live in a world where any man who recognizes he's in a situation that is best remedied by turning to others -- exactly the thing the whole human race evolved to do -- is automatically suspect? A world in which he's an object of fear, simply because he's asking for help?

This is so, so fucked up.

[archivistsammy]

In my previous post, I talked about how my tarot study group has been working through the Star card this week, and that it’s brought up a lot of really interesting associations and conversations. Many of these have felt deeply relevant to the struggles Sam and Dean face at the beginning of season eight. I’ve already talked about Sam, but now I want to dive into Dean, and then add some final thoughts for the pair of them.

Dean’s situation after the events of the season seven finale is obviously very different than Sam’s. He’s not entirely devoid of family, for even if Cas is missing, he’s still in Purgatory with Dean, and Dean knows he can find him–that he will find him. When we think about the Star in terms of a navigating force, even in terms of hope, Castiel is an obvious fit. Dean’s singular thought in Purgatory is finding “the angel”–even before getting back home and/or returning to Sam. You get the firm sense that Dean would stay in Purgatory forever if that’s how long it would take to get Cas back. Not to mention, the fact that he is literally praying to Cas every day. Talk about a guiding light.

Still, I think Dean’s time in Purgatory falls more into “survival mode” than anything else. Yes, he has a goal and he has a hope–finding Castiel. But if we think of the Star as both the experience of survival and the experience of grappling, then Dean’s still not really functioning in a Star-aligned way. I want to make it clear that, if we think of the Star as following the Tower (we don’t have to! But for now, let’s), then surviving becomes a paramount next step. Survival mode does not have to include hope and/or optimism or deep self reflection. Survival mode means finding a way to make it through the day and start again tomorrow. In times of upheaval, survival mode can be the motivating force. The way we navigate. But while surviving is necessary, it’s not the same thing as grappling. It’s not the same thing as dealing with or processing what came before.

We see this in Dean once he gets out of Purgatory. The way he talks about his time there, the way he describes it as “pure,” like he could be his most authentic self there. That says a lot about how Dean sees himself. “Daddy’s blunt instrument” indeed. And we know, especially given what transpires in 15.18 and 15.19, that at his core, Dean doesn’t want brutal violence to be his defining characteristic. Dean wants to be defined by love and by family. So, what does it mean that Dean comes out of Purgatory seemingly bolstered by what he did there (Cas staying there aside)? What does it mean that when Dean escapes from Purgatory–and ostensibly from the need to stay in survival mode–he continues to operate as if the rest of the world is as ruthless as Purgatory was?

Well, to viewers it might mean that Dean has PTSD. That he’s repressing the trauma of what he experienced by acting even more so as if Purgatory clarified things for him, rather than muddied them. And I’d say we’re all 100% correct. But my point here isn’t that, but rather Dean’s denial of how difficult Purgatory must have been for him is further evidence of his refusal to grapple with anything that makes him ache. Dean never really reflects on himself or his life, he just hides everything away behind a wall made of Scotch tape. Which means that Dean never really heals.

The Star is a card whose central tenet (imo, anyway) is how we heal. How we rebuild after catastrophe or unexpected upset. But seeing Dean after Purgatory never actually process what happened there is demoralizing. Especially in relation to Sam, who is basically doing the same thing. Neither of them properly talks about or works through what happened to them after killing Dick Roman. They just survive, and keep surviving, until they’ve buried their hurt so deep they can pretend it doesn’t affect them.

And I think what really frustrates me is seeing these behaviors in the context of the finale. Knowing that when this series truly ends, Sam and Dean will essentially do the same thing. They defeat Chuck and go back to hunting. Dean dies bloody, like he always thought he would. Despite having faced in “Despair” that what keeps Dean going is love, not violence. “Everything you do is for love,” Cas tells him, and an episode later Dean seems to truly embody this. Not killing Chuck was a supreme act of healing. “The ultimate killer,” Chuck says. “See, that’s not who I am,” replies Dean. And yet, another episode after that, Dean dies in the midst of killing once more, expressing the sentiment that they knew it would always end this way. Where is the Star in this ending? Where is the growth?

And for Sam, I feel the same. One of the trends that we see through the years on this show is the brothers thinking that in order to have an “apple pie” life that’s settled down and absent hunting, they have to reject and excise every part of their life that came before. Put away the jacket, lock away the car, don’t ever talk about what happened. Sam doesn’t seem as rigid about this in “Carry On,” given he and his son have the anti-possession tattoos, that he named his son Dean. The divide isn’t quite as sharp. But I think seeing the Impala locked up, covered up, clearly something he doesn’t touch on a regular basis…that to me is evidence that Sam has once again compartmentalized. That he hasn’t integrated his experiences and his feelings, his grief and his hope. He hasn’t rebuilt in a way that facilitates honoring what was destroyed. And that’s very upsetting to me.

There’s never any healing in Supernatural. The energy of the Star is always blocked, always bitter. But this pain is especially felt in the front half of season 8. It’s a low point for the brothers, and a low point for the show, and it really helps showcase how empty life can feel when we don’t deal with the shit that haunts us. When we don’t meet the energetic expectation of the Star and deal with what hurt us. When we don’t accept what we’ve lost. When we don’t wade through the muddy swamps of grief and anger and sadness. The Star is there to remind us that rebuilding is possible, while also acknowledging that rebuilding is messy, difficult work, and that part of that work is grappling—not just surviving—all that’s happened that’s made you ache.