#but after i graduate i assume i'll have a lot more free time to go

[lambentplume]

tagged by @usalock for top 9 books of 2023 or 9 books to read in 2024! i will also be doing the latter. i'm a slow reader so this is definitely an aspirational list lmao.

The House of Spirits - Isabel Allende

A Wizard of Earthsea - Ursula K. Le Guin

Hawaiʻi's Story by Hawaiʻi's Queen - Liliʻuokalani

The Traitor Baru Cormorant - Seth Dickinson

17776 - Jon Bois (does this count. idk i'm counting it)

Braiding Sweetgrass - Robin Wall Kimmerer

edit: adding some more

Our Sea of Islands by Epeli Hau'ofa

yes i still need to read Orientalism

i actually don't have 9 books i want to read but here's 3 general ideas for books i'd like to read. suggestions welcome :)

more magical realism (guy who got their shit rocked by One Hundred Years of Solitude a few years ago)

something about mountains/climbing but preferably from an Indigenous/place-based perspective

a book that has similar vibes to Friends at the Table (i primarily mean the worldbuilding/interconnectedness of it all rather than a particular season, but if i had to point to one then probably sangfielle)

i'm a lil shy when it comes to tagging LMAO but mutuals feel free to do this!

[hylkun]

30 DAYS | L. HEESEUNG

DAY 8: the applications

SYNOPSIS: in which y/n l/n gives lee heeseung 30 days before graduation to prove his feelings for her are genuine.

PAIRING: popular!heeseung x quiet!fem!reader

GENRE: high-school!au, angst and lots of it, fluff

<< last chapter | masterlist | >> next chapter

It's been a week since Heeseung squirmed his way into your life - and it's been nothing but a rollercoaster ride. You don't know how you're gonna survive until graduation.

Well, you only had roughly about 3 weeks until then, and you were internally hoping that they would fly by quickly. But for now, you were onto the first step of finally being free of Heeseung.

College applications.

You definitely wanted to go to the University of Fashion Arts with Yunho. You were more of a person to design, while Yunho was one to model. Leeseo, on the other hand, wanted to be a doctor and would be going to med school.

The only issue is that the university is in California. And right now, you're in South Korea. But that didn't matter, right? As long as you were pursuing your passion it didn't matter where the college was located.

You're currently sitting in the school's computer lab, attaching documents to your email to the school's headmistress. Yunho and Leeseo accompanied you as well, sending emails to colleges of their preference.

It was oddly silent between the three of you. For such a chaotic friend group, when it came to serious situations like these, it was hard to be that chaotic friend group.

If you weren't so focused on your applications, you probably would've asked yourself what Heeseung was up to. After Yunho revealed that his first ever crush, Zoa, is back in Korea and attending this school, you assume that he was probably having the time of his life with his first love.

Must be nice, you think.

You click the 'send' button on your email and get up to stretch your joints. "Going to the canteen for water. Do you guys want anything?" You ask your two best friends, making them both look up from their computer screens. Leeseo asks for water as well, while Yunho requests a boxed juice.

You exit the computer lab and make your way to the stairs to get to the canteen faster. However, on your way through the halls, you hear two voices. You see a door open and look inside.

It's Heeseung and a girl. Presumably, Zoa, from what Yunho told you. She's sitting next to him, really close. She'd taken a chair and put it so close to him that the chair leg was practically on his toe. On top of that, she was continously poking his cheeks and caressing his face. Did you really have to walk in on this?

Heeseung notices you and calls your name in a panic, like he wanted you to help. "(Name)!" He exclaims, making Zoa halt her actions and turn to the door.

"Oh, is this the girl you were talking about? She's so pretty!"

It was hard to find her annoying when she immediately complimented you on seeing your face. Although you were supposed to go to the canteen, you felt compelled to walk in and talk to the two of them. So you do. "Hi," you greet them awkwardly, Zoa smiling brightly while Heeseung sits there quietly.

"Heeseung has told me so much about you, (Name)! I'm sure it's the same for you, right? Does he ever talk about me?"

"No, actually. He never told me about you."

"Oh."

The once soft and calm atmosphere was now one of tension and silence.

"Well, that's okay! Let's have a girl talk, one-on-one. Heeseung, I'll be back." She says loudly, trying to lighten up the mood. She takes your hand and takes you outside, far enough where Heeseung couldn't hear your conversation.

Zoa's sweet smile immediately drops, and it scares you. She stares you straight into your eyes.

"Heeseung told me about his little crush on you. And trust me, if I have competition, that's no issue at all. It makes it more fun."

"Huh? What? What do you mean competition?"

"Well, we both like Heeseung, right? So you're my competitor. And I'm yours."

What the fuck was this girl on?

"Look, it's not like that -"

Zoa shushes you, and then she continues speaking. "I knew him since we were born. Don't think you can just strut in here and take him from me. So, good luck, competitor."

This girl was crazy. She had to be. You're meeting her for the first time, and she wants to be rivals because her childhood friend doesn't have feelings for her anymore? Talk about possessive. By the time you shake yourself out of your thoughts, Zoa is gone, probably with Heeseung again.

You run back up the stairs to the computer lab. Your heart was beating out your chest. This is the most anxious someone has made you feel in years. You practically bust open the door to the lab. Thank goodness only your friends were in there.

"Where are our drinks?"

Oh yeah.

The drinks.

You leave the lab again. but turning to the left instead of the right like earlier.

You think you'll take the longer way this time.

<< last chapter | masterlist | >> next chapter

TAGLIST: @zerobaseone-zhanghao @jooniesbears-blog @heeswif3y @nshitae @llvrhee @ikeusimp @starfallia @softieluvsyou @rairaiblog @lhspeachie @nishiriks @13tter @acousarah

[ohplagg]

I Love Yoo Timeline Part 1/4

The Evidence Part 1

This is part 1 of 4 of my I Love Yoo Timeline as of Episode 241.

Part 1 and 2 consists of laying out all the detailed evidence with descriptions, screenshots and episode number.

Part 3 consists of explaining the evidence, connecting the dates and some math because the I Love Yoo universe (or as I like to call it, Yooniverse) uses letters instead of numbers to represent official years.

Part 4 is the I Love Yoo Timeline.

----

Seeing Nessa alive in Kousuke's flashback of his highschool graduation day made me question everything I though I knew about the timeline so I have read, reread, and re-reread this webtoon; I've researched old reddit and tumblr posts, Quimchee's old Curious Cat answers, the wiki, and so much more.

(Just in case someone is worried, all information presented is free and publicly available. I was told that in Quimchee's patreon I could possibly find more exact information but I decided against looking there since I wouldn't be able to share my findings outside of patreon and my goal is for everyone who is a fan of I Love Yoo to be able to see this mega post.)

Because of the huge ammount of information I've decided to split my original post in 4 different parts so it's easier for everyone (including myself) to come back and find the information without having to endlessly scroll.

I encourage you all to go read/reread I Love Yoo with the new information you learn with this timeline in mind because oohhh boy does the story hit different. (Also take that opportunity to like all the episodes to support Quimchee!)

----

Turns out there's a lot of information in a 7+ year old, 240+ episode long webtoon; who would have though? Not me!

Anyways, there's so much information scattered all over the place and everything is so connected to everything that it was hard to organize it.

The evidence and information is in ' Whatever Order I Remembered It' order , but even so I tried my best to keep it organized by categories.

----

Episode 222 News articles

Here we got a lot of information in the presentation of news articles. So I'll keep this information as it's own category.

Let's read them up close.

Let's start with "Randulph Hannesson appointed as temporary Chairman of Hirahara Corp"

In it, it states how in March 27, 20WZ Rand gets appointed as temporary Chairman of the Board. At the same time, according to the public, he is "seeing" (dating?) Yui. Before becoming temporary Chairman of the Board (which we know he became permanent) he was CFO of Hirahara Corp. And before that he "founded a successful finance firm, Hannsesson Finance, which Hirahara Corp. has since acquired."

Now let's focus on the newspaper that's right under. In it, it talks about how an ilegal immigrant woman was found dead (assumed to be suicide) and her son is no where to be found. All arrows point to this woman being Nessa, Nol's mom.

It doesn't have a title but it does have a date. Newspapers normally publish these type of news the following morning from which the news happened meaning that Nessa died December 21st, 20XP

No wonder Nol hates his birthday week.

On the US Asia Daily Herald newspaper, "Chairman of Investment Giant Hirahara Corp to Step Down." When Rand was still CFO he was one of the witnesses that helped Young-Chul Kim be held accountable for all the SA he did. So that's where Nol got his sense of respecting and standing up for women. And that this happend in Octobre 31st, 20WY

Not really adding information to the timeline but just in case someone doesn't know, Yu-Jing has the police department interview transcripts for Nessa's death investigation

Lastly we have "Prestigious Prep School Closes SA Investiagtion With No Charges Filed" where it states that on March 20XW the 16-month long investigation of 50 years of SA with over 100 cases was basically dismissed.

Right before Nol was sent to the mental facility

Episode 150

Episode 150 starts with a flashback right after the brother incident where Nol is getting locked up in the mental facility ambulance. (This is confirmed in episode 210 because the dialogue matches up with the one in Kousuke's flashback)

And right after the flashback we get this news article that Yu-Jing has. "Troubled Child, Aftermath of the Hirahara Extra Marrital Affair."

So now we know that the brother incident that got Nol into the mental facility happened 1 year after the supposed marriage reconciliation between Yui and Rand.

Episode 210

We see a glimpse of the immediate aftermath of the incident.

It happened at night while raining.

Kousuke doesn't know what happened.

Yui's hand is bruised.

Nol is taken directly to the "Hirahara Mental Health Institute"

I'm very proud of my following discovery

The trees have no leaves.

Why is leafless trees so important and why am I so proud of my finding? Because trees lose their leaves during the Fall and by Winter they are completely leafless. This whole scene has all trees leafless meaning that it's winter. But hold on, it can't be winter winter because it's raining and not snowing. Bingo. It's early winter. And winter starts December 21st.

Episode 239

The pain I felt reading this after I figured out when in the timeline this happens.. my heart hurts.

This is the brother incident (at least the start of it).

Nol had no prior connection/relationship to the Hirahara's before this (he used the address on the letter's Rand send his mother to find them)

Nol went to Kousuke's house because he needs help, because he has no where else to go because his mother is gone.

If you're having a hard time keeping up, all this basically means the night Nessa died Nol went to look for Rand and his other family for help which is also the same night the brother incident happened which got Nol locked up in the Mental Facility which is why in both news articles Nol's whereabouts are unknown, because he was immediately taken away. (and all of this happened on his birthday :D).

After Nol got out of the mental facility

Episode 99

Nol presents himself using the name Yeong-gi.

Dieter and Nol met on the summer right before their first year of highschool.

Dieter met Nol before Soushi did.

At this moment in time it's been 5 years since Nol last saw his mom.

Episode 157

Nol was trying to befriend Soushi at the same time Kousuke was still in college.

Episode 155

Nol got out of the Mental Facility "roughly 6 years ago"

Nol spent "almost 2 years" inside the mental facility.

Kousuke mentions that the Yeong-gi name was something he started using after he came out of the Mental facility.

Episode 205

A while after Nol got out of the mental facility, Nana arrived.

"Until recently, I've been by myself."

Episode 129

Nana and Yui met for the first time after 5 years

-------------

This is just part 1 of 4. Go keep reading:

Part 2: The Evidence Part 2

Part 3: Math and connecting the dots

Part 4: The Timeline

[fadingmuse]

Story time!

Let me start this with an apology because I really am sorry for being MIA for so long. I'll be graduating college this year and am REALLY fucking nervous of what's the next chapter of my life would be like.

So I guess you could see why tumblr was the last thing on my priority list lmao. But thankfully I have a lot of free time in my hands now so I'll probably be here a lot now :)

Now on to the story.

Back then, my school used to held 2 days camping trip every year for us to 'get along with nature,' they said. We didn't mind it because it usually is a lot of fun.

We arrived and did the usual. Got divided into groups, set up our tent, eat, play games, etc. I didn't get to see H during that time, only a glimpse every now and then. Howevere, things eventually got interesting when the moon came to play.

We all gathered around a HUGE camp fire and each of the groups have to perform one by one in front of the whole crowd so it's basically a talent show. Being the lazy ass we were, our group decided to perform a song. It went by quickly, we sang, and I saw H in the crowd grinning and cheering me on. Had an overall wonderful time.

After the talent show, we scrambled and got back to our tent. Me and my friends talked for a while, and then we decided to sleep outside because it was too hot inside the tent. We put a big rug on the grass outside of the tent, got into our sleeping bags, and tried to fall asleep. And if you're wondereing, yes, the teachers were okay with it.

After some time, I realized that the others were asleep. I tried to do the same and just kept my eyes closed. Maybe a minute passed by before I hear a whisper near me saying,

"Ave, I know you're awake."

I opened my eyes and saw H, crouching near my feet, looking at me with that playful smile that I (used to) love. Being the teased that I was I just gave hik a look and shut my eyes again.

"You wanna take a walk and drink some tea with me?"

YES????? I got up so fast I'm pretty sure I had a head rush.

We took a little walk and then sit at this little gazebo where the teachers kept all the food and supplies. He made us some tea and for a while, we just sat there in silent.

"You were amazing back there."

When I tell you I blushed SO hard, thank god it was dark. We went on and chat for more than an hour under the stars. We talked about a lot of things; our family, his career, my future, our passion in music, we even gossiped about some of the people in school lmao. Truly one of the best moments I've ever had.

After a while we decided it was time to go back. By the time we got there, 2 of my friends were actually awake and were having a chat with one of the teachers. I went on to have giggly conversations with my them which ended up being a little too loud, so H and the other teacher told us to try and have a shut eye and decided to stay nearby so they could keep an eye on us.

At times my friends and I would stifled a laughter and H would give me (only me, might I add) a playful scold. At one point, my other friend made a noise and H laughed and said,

"Oh c'mon ave, go to sleep, the sun's coming up."

I was about to yell out that it wasn't me but the other teacher beat me to it. He was trying so hard not to laugh too hard while saying,

"It wasn't even her!"

"Wait, what?"

I ended up falling asleep with a huge grin on my face.

Tbh with you guys, I still can't believe that moments like this actually happened. If I come across a story like this the first thing that I would do is assume it was fake. Yet here I am, reliving it.

[not-made-of-actual-rye]

I'm not done (if you saw my last post). This time, though, I'm not talking about the sick old men who are my band directors. Let's go a little bit younger.

There's this guy I know. His fake name (because his real name makes me feel sick to my stomach) is Aaron. I've never talked about him on social media before, mostly because he's on every other platform of social media I have other than Tumblr (I'd praise god if I weren't atheist)

Aaron always scared me. Immediate red flag, right? 🚩 Well, I met him exactly 10 days after I officially started dating my boyfriend. It's probably a good time to mention (unfortunately) that Aaron is my boyfriend's oldest brother.

If you've seen the other post, you'll know I am in my school's band (this took place before all the shit that made me hate the band directors, mind you, and I still loved band with my entire heart and soul at this point). Unfortunately, my boyfriend comes from a very musical family, and every single one of them is/was an instrumentalist.

On this unfortunate day of December 15th, 2023, our band directors decided it was a wonderful idea to have an alumni game, where all former graduates of our school are allowed back to play again in a pep band game. I'd never met Aaron until this point, and I admitted to my boyfriend that I didn't want to meet him. Again, gut feeling that he was bad news.

That night, he asked his brother to point me out. Me being scared of him (he was also right behind me in the stands) I avoided him as best I could, but being in his general proximity gave me a massive headache that didn't go away for the rest of the night. He was also a very loud player (egotistical bitch) and was bothering other members of my section too

After the pre-game performance, I ended up finding him looking lost in the back hallway that typically only the band members used. Just being kind, I explained to him that most people were out socializing in the Commons, and it would be better for him to wait out there rather than alone in the hallway.

I was unfortunately naive when this occurred, and I didn't realize his intentions when he began using this time with us alone to interrogate me, including questions about where I lived and what my parents did for work. I didn't clock this as creepy behavior until much, much too late, because I assumed he was just being friendly. Even so, when I did manage to escape his questioning, I hid with a group of friends and avoided him as best I could.

As far as I knew, nothing else happened for a couple months (there was actually a lot happening at this time that I'll cover later) until my boyfriend invited me and one of my best friends at the time to a college pep band game that his father led. I had a lot of fun there, and I loved every minute of it (except when my boyfriend neglected to give me literally any important information about this event I'd never gone to despite me begging him to give me details)

At this game and at this college, there's a long-standing tradition where attractive college women will dress in bathing suits and cover up with trenchcoats, only to reveal their bodies whenever the opposing team attempted to score a free throw

Aaron made a comment about my makeup (I like to do more graphic looks including rhinestones around my eyes), saying, and I quote "At least you're drawing attention to your eyes, and not..." and he trailed off but he made it abundantly clear he was referring to the ladies in swimsuits. Especially when he followed his statement up with, "Of course, you're aware of the tradition, right?" He began explaining it to me while I stood there in silence.

For a while, I thought his comment had been funny. It became an inside joke between me and my boyfriend, because, again, I had been naive and not realized it was not only weird but also extremely creepy to be making comments about a 15-year old showing off her body like the adult college students were. (Reminder that he was 25 at the time, and knew my age)

This all occurred on January 20th, 2024. 3 months later (almost exactly) on April 21st, I was visiting my boyfriend's house for the second time. It was going really well, until I forced my boyfriend to show me his phone. I knew he'd been hiding things from me because he would panic every time I got his phone, even if I didn't have any desire to open it. This had been going on for at least 2 months, possibly longer.

For whatever reason, he finally allowed me to see. I looked through his texts when I found they were about me. They were between both of his older brothers. These messages varied between talking about my deepest insecurities (something I'd trusted my boyfriend and only my boyfriend with, not even my closest friends), as well as them berating me for being crazy, psycho, and a red flag. All these insults came directly from Aaron himself, mind you.

I laid on my boyfriend's bed, scrolling through and reading everything they'd ever said about me. He laid behind me, watching. He said mostly nothing, only ever asking if I was okay, to which I couldn't answer by how betrayed and shocked I felt about this whole ordeal.

The texts about me had started back in November, when my boyfriend and I had started talking and falling for each other. He'd gone to his older brothers asking for advice, and they'd given it excitedly, because they'd been wanting him to get a girlfriend for a while before he'd met me. Aaron specifically had been more obsessed with our relationships, even going as far as to make comments about how I better be pretty (his words were "she better not be mid" he then clarified "not attractive")

I cried silently while I read the story of how my boyfriend had told them almost everything I never wanted anyone to know, and even though I knew he'd been hiding something, I never would have assumed it'd be that. I screenshotted the messages (some, not all... I wanted some to remain hidden from anyone who asked to see the messages, because I knew that time would come) and sent them to myself. I sat in his room in silence for a couple minutes just to process everything, ignoring everything he'd try to say to me, and texted his little sister, one of my best friends, if I could hang out in her room for a while because I didn't want to look at him.

I showed her everything, because I figured if I didn't, someone else would, and even though she was younger than I am, she agreed with me that it was messed up and tried her best to comfort me. I stayed with her for longer than I anticipated until I was ready to face my boyfriend again. I went in his room and laid on the bed with him in silence, crying. I said I wasn't sure if I could still love him after that, and even though it hurt seeing his reaction as I broke his heart, he'd broken mine too.

I went home, hiding the truth from my mother when she asked how everything went. I texted my boyfriend and we argued about everything. I officially ended it that night, because I refused to stay with someone who never wanted to be with me forever in the first place.

It was a messy breakup, one that isn't really important to the story aside from knowing about the existence of the text messages and some of the content they contained. Long story very very short, my boyfriend and I got back together after we had a lot of long discussions about the texts.

Essentially, I realized that, aside from my boyfriend telling them things he never should have, he was mostly just asking for advice and answering their questions when the time arose. In the grand scheme of things, it was Aaron (and perhaps the other brother like... once) who was making the nasty comments about me, including not only the creepy comment about my attractiveness, but also sexual things (note that my boyfriend and I never had sex and he knew this).

As if that wasn't enough, the time before my boyfriend and I got back together (we remained friends after the breakup even though we both knew we still had feelings for each other) I learned more about Aaron. A lot of this was from my ex-boyfriend, but some was from his social media (what is with millennials and thinking they should post their every thought online?)

I learned a lot of things about my new enemy Aaron. Some of them included:

His wife, whom he'd married 3 days before my boyfriend and I started officially started dating, was only 3 or 4 years older than me, at the age of 19.

His wife was also homeschooled, never went to college, and had limited social interaction outside of her many siblings and her parents. She met Aaron at either 17 or 18. Aaron, 24-soon-to-be-25, started dating his now-wife as soon as she would've graduated high school at the age of 18.

Aaron has a birth defect (no name was given but I have used this wonderful resource named Google and am making an educated guess in saying it is hypogonadism) which, and I am very sorry to have to type this but it is important, makes it very hard for him to produce sperm.

After only 2 months of marriage, Aaron got his 19-year-old wife pregnant (and I can pinpoint the exact day it was conceived because he told his 16-year old brother, aka my boyfriend, all about it)

Maybe it's just me, but having testosterone issues to the point where you require you're essentially unable to ejaculate (infertility, a common symptom of hypogonadism) and then suddenly being able to make a kid after 2 months as soon as you fuck a teenager? Interesting...

That's all I have to say for now. My hatred for this "man" runs deep, and it will probably be like that for years, but I don't care. I want nothing to do with him

[sizeableseashell]

2024/7/31

8:51am

I'm writing this to try and figure out what I should do next year regarding schooling.

I've talked to pretty much everyone I can to get help in regards to this decision:

I've essentially exhausted my well of wisdom. The only person I haven't talked to is myself- and I communicate with myself via writing so this is what I'm going to do.

I have three options:

Option A: Proceed with the 2nd year film program. Pros

It's fun.

My best friends are in the program.

I enjoy it.

It will give me a chance to practice writing and directing for film (which I'm very much interested in)

The program is built around production of films, teamwork, and collaboration which I really enjoy and is a skill I want to get better in.

If I continue with the program I'll be two years away from getting my undergrad.

Even if I don't, and I withdraw after two years I'll have a diploma for completing two years.

Cons

It's very expensive, and I'm assuming the debt.

If I continue to get my undergrad in it, it will be even more expensive.

My parents are unsupportive (they're unsupportive because they don't see me as a filmmaker, and think it's a waste of time and money if I'm not planning on working in the film industry†)

Option B: Enroll in a new program at my school (Either environmental studies or interdisciplinary studies.)

Pros

It's significantly less expensive

It's more likely my parents will help pay for it

It'll be a more generalized degree, so if I choose not to work in film I can apply for a wider variety of jobs in the future.

I find studying social and environmental topics is very informative for my creative work.

I'll probably have more free time, since the film program is very intensive. I can use that free time to join the student newspaper and campaign harder for student council.

I don't need a degree in film to make films, or do any kind of creative work. Writing, filmmaking, and theatre are kind of trades- in that the best way to learn is by doing; and if I want to those things, there's absolutely nothing stopping me.

Cons

It might take me longer to graduate since I'll be starting a new program. The film schooling I did last year will cover most of my electives, but I'll still have to do core courses.

I'm afraid that I won't get to practice screenwriting, or directing. I was especially looking forward to the screenwriting courses next year.

Less time with old friends, and new friends must be made.

Option C: Just work full time and apply for a new degree next year.

Pros

Make lots of money.

More time to find a better degree that's less expensive and well suited to me

Cons

I'm in my mid, nearing late 20's and I don't have my undergrad. I want my undergrad!!!!! I don't want to waste more time trying to find the "right" undergrad.

I don't really think that there's a "perfect" program out there for me, lol. I think if I want the piece of paper I should get the piece of paper. This is the third university, and fourth program, I've been to since I graduated high-school.

Program #1 Creative Writing Why I Left: I had an awful eating disorder. I didn't even last a full term. Program #2 Acting Why I Left: I felt like the dramaturgy stream was better suited to my interests as someone who wanted to write and direct. Honestly though, acting was cool and I excelled at it. Program #3 Dramaturgy Why I left: COVID-19 hit. The pandemic made me really re-evaluate my life. I also felt called to go back home and help out with social causes there. While I was home I started a big project I've yet to finish, and my mental health began to rapidly decline. These two factors kept me from returning to the program; and if COVID never struck, I probably wouldn't have left it.

Basically, I'm not going with Option C.

†Well, what do you want to do Penelope?

That's a great question actually. My mission in life is to create narratives that reconnect humans to themselves and the rest of the planet. I'm a multi-disciplinary story teller and I believe that the story informs the medium. Some stories want to be told through a play, others want to be a novel, or a comedy routine- the most important thing is that the story is told well.

I really enjoy being on stage and creating words and performances that inspire, move, and entertain. I'm also super, super, interested in climate change. I'm not just interested in the measurable mechanisms that cause climate change, but the social underpinnings that keep it in place. I believe that climate change isn't just a problem that needs fixing so we can go back to normal, but an existential call to dramatically rethink the way we live.

I see metaphors in meteorological phenomena. As humans rapidly accelerate their pace of living, the planet rapidly warms. As we downplay the importance of rest and recovery in favour of endless growth, the times of year that embody rest and recovery (namely winter) are shrinking in length and stature. As we're become disconnected from nature through urbanization and light pollution, factory farming, we're becoming more disconnected from ourselves, as demonstrated by a surge in mental health conditions worldwide.

The outer world of the planet is mirroring our inner world. I'm a staunch believer in the power of activism and direct action, but I also know from lived experience that a strong inner foundation, and clear ethos is necessary for the individual positive and meaningful change.

I hope to create works that don't necessarily tackle climate change directly (i.e; this is why it's important to recycle- here are the facts), but meditate on the emotions and experiences surrounding climate change, both negative: loss, isolation, fear, disconnect, rage, distrust, instability, uncertainty.

I hope by exploring the vulnerable side of climate change, I can help guide people through the darkness and into the positive: passion, purpose, appreciation, connection, unity. I want to create works that help people face the confusion of the world, and feel prepared to make change. I hope to supply motivation people not with dull obligation, but confident inspiration.

In some ways I feel like my whole life has been preparing me for this.

I would be interested in public policy and polotics when I'm older, and I think that a degree in climate studies would prepare me for that. My dad thinks it's not the right program for me, but I disagree. He thinks I should focus on a program that's all about writing, but I think studying creative pursuits in an academic context can strip them of the inspiration and delight that pushes me to pursue them independently.

I don't think a degree in filmmaking will make me a filmmaker. I don't think a degree in writing will make me a writer.

Making films makes me a filmmaker. Writing makes me a writer.

I think if I'm serious about pursuing a career in writing, I need to write more. I need to structure my life around writing, exhibit discipline, and remain healthy.

My dad says that if I want to know about climate change and society, I should just read books about it.

The same can be said about writing, or filmmaking.

With writing and filmmaking though, I can always build a portfolio and make connections outside of school. There's competitions, live performance opportunities, social media, and networking events. I don't need a degree to do those things. I've already made some notable strides, and have some great connections in creative fields, sans bachelors.

I also know that even if I get a degree in filmmaking, it doesn't guarantee I'll continue to make films after class is through. That was certainly true for last year's film program. While I enjoy filmmaking as a trade, my true passion is derived from independently pursing creative projects, and stories I want to tell, and finding ways to make it come to life, no matter the cost.

While storytelling is my primary passion, my inspiration is drawn from the time I'm living in: where climate change plays a huge role. I'd like to get a masters degree eventually that dives into "social underpinnings" and "climate emotions" I wrote about earlier. When it comes to further education, a degree in climate studies could set me up.

First of all, It's a generalized program that could translate into numerous back up careers:

-Teacher -Municipal Work -Fundraising I think it's also just a respectable degree to have; and having it in no way limits my future career. Basically, I think it's easier to make fine arts without a fine arts degree than it is to pursue my other interests seriously with a fine arts degree.

I also don't have to do just one thing like I said earlier- demonstrating discipline, grit, and being healthy and happy is the most important thing to me,

Finally, even if a filmmaking degree affords me some better connections and learning opportunities, I believe that I can replicate those benefits through external-resources at half the cost.

I've always been sacred of "giving up" or "settling" but as I'm getting older I'm beginning to delight in the flexibility and variety life has to offer. I no longer think it's "weak" to take other people's opinions into consideration, or to have their beliefs influence your beliefs. I think healthy consideration of other people's viewpoints leads to greater clarity. I also know that If I really, truly, want to write and perform no entity will hand that to me. I have to go out and get it.

-Penny

[jamgoesart]

Chapter 04

You're not going to like it, the message Pete had written her later that evening said, which Kim had long thought. If you ordered Maverick back to Top Gun and didn't fire him; you didn't kick him out of the Navy in high dudgeon, which wouldn't have been the first time, especially after that test flight story a few days ago, then the situation was serious. Really serious.

"Even if they need you....," Kim began as she walked beside Mitchell through the flight academy to the empty hangar where recruits were already waiting for the captain, ".... you don't have a free pass. And knowing you and your 'teaching' methods, back off a little. Don't go overboard right away. You...."

"Calm down," Maverick interrupted Kim before she talked herself completely into a frenzy and, stopping, tucked the pack of papers he was carrying under his arm and put his hands on the brunette's shoulders, "It's all good. I know what I'm doing. The group is waiting and let's face it, they're already looking for a reason to get rid of me anyway. A few days ago, they almost did. So come on now, I'm still here, right?"

Still. The question was just how much longer

Twelve recruits that would end up being reduced to six. In just about three weeks. In three weeks, the best Top Gun graduates in recent years were to be prepared for the mission Kim was about to experience. Pete could have given her that brief summary yesterday, not now, when they two were standing outside the hangar door.

There was a lot of surprise when the recruits saw Maverick, and it was right on their faces that the enthusiasm was not great, if not unpleasant. Every single face Kim had seen last night in the bar.

Chuckling because the sight was unbelievably amusing, Kim only now looked forward at the men at her side and directly, she raised her eyebrows and looked forward at the flage before she began to scratch her forehead, panting because it just wasn't allowed to be true. This here, could actually still become something.

"No beach sex," Kim greeted the blond pilot from last night, so that not everyone heard it right away, and took a seat next to him, because she didn't want to sit in the back of the last row.

"Someone must have missed me," Hangman replied in far too good a mood, who after a quick glance at Kim to the side, put on a smug smile, "Like I said. All you had to do was say something. You would have gotten more out of me that way than you do now."

"You better not choke," Kim countered coolly, "If you choke on your match, don't expect any help. I'll let you choke on it because of your own stupidity."

The F-18 manual contained everything the recruits had been h6taught about their aircraft, so Pete assumed that the graduates, knew it inside and out. This was agreed to and at that very moment, to the surprise and chagrin of Maverick's superiors, the manual landed straight in the trash can. For a simple reason, because the enemy knew it too. One thing the enemy did not know, however. The limits of each and every one who sat here. Find, test and expand, therein lay Mitchell's task. Today began with what everyone thought they knew.

[echo-three-one]

Run run run....

Table of Contents

Previous Chapter : Going Dark - Part 1

Chapter 23 to another story made by Ray (echo-three-one) Comments and Reviews appreciated! I hope you enjoy! Love you all ❤️

Going Dark - Part 2

John "Soap" MacTavish

London, United Kingdom

Soap never knew that the bloody guy would pull that trick off his sleeve. He's been sick of the same ringing he first experienced when they went out with Francine.

So he did what he could and quickly got up to his feet as soon as he saw Alex attempt to halt the hostage on his tracks. That bastard's going to pay for stomping on Alex like that.

With comms down once again, he had to act fast, stomping down the stairs, never leaving sight of the runner. He could sense someone following him and assumed it's any of Roach, Price or Jack. And it looked like Ghost caught wind of what happened too.

"Oi! Let's flank him!" Soap roared across the empty streets as Ghost and Roach split ways and ran toward their target.

They're not kidding when they said the Shadow Company is at par with the 141, the guy ran like a horse which Soap never expected from his build. He could see Ghost and Roach sprinting from his sides, one wrong turn and he's done for, but he still had one last trick. 

He raced to the emergency stairs as his heavy feet clanged against the metal. Soap followed, optimizing the steps on edges to gain on him. Going up the rooftops was his biggest mistake.

"Bollocks, he's still running!" he announced as he felt his ears crackling. 

"Well…. st….by…. do….airs.." His earpiece crackled through the static. It's recovering but they're already far off MacMillan's truck where their line connected.

He leaped. Soap almost stopped in his tracks as the runner courageously leapt across the huge gap and rolled on to the next building. He braced himself and continued dashing across the roof and did a mighty leap, his arms circled like he was swimming and he carefully placed his feet to perform a proper land and rolled.

That's going to hurt as soon as the adrenaline fades, but he quickly got up and made use of his remaining burst of energy. 

The runner stopped in his tracks as soon as Roach emerged from the opposite fire escape, raising a pistol pointed straight at him as he raised his hand in surrender.

"Nowhere to run now." Roach said, cautiously walking near him. He's aware that his phone is still inside his pocket and that they had no idea when it'll go off again.

He didn't talk, but he looked panicked. He was sweating all over and his face was beyond recognizable. It looked like he's out of options.

"Tell us Where Shepherd is…" Gary pointed the loaded gun on his head, the desperation in Gary's eyes were obvious.

"There's an abandoned plane graveyard near Afghanistan…" he whimpered. His voice was shaky enough to warrant the truth.

"What's he doing there?" Soap added.

"He's trading the blueprints for the I.P. Address… Please that's all I know" he begged and they quickly left the place, walking back to MacMillan's car.

"You got something?" Ghost asked as soon as Roach's feet landed on the dark alley.

"A place. In Afghanistan." Roach answered.

"And he also had the I.P. Address.." Soap added.

"But that's impossible… didn't Samantha already forget about it?" Ghost asked but there was a quiet pause. Their brains almost looked like working together.

"Holy Crap." Roach finally broke the silence.

And from that moment they realized the other reason behind Samantha's memory returning. One way or another, her memories were once again toyed with.

~

"So how was it?" Price asked the team that ran off to chase the runner.

"We got an address. An abandoned plane yard in Afghanistan." Roach replied. Soap turned to Alex as he sat at the back of the jeep tending to his wound. 

"You okay mate?" he asked walking close to his ally, who was wincing in pain.

"The guy's boots are heavy." He chuckled and so did Soap.

"Listen, Alex. We heard that Shepherd has the I P. address, did Samantha tell you anything about remembering it?" Soap asked as the whole team fell silent and turned to the two.

"Not really. What's bothered me is that she remembers everything except after when Shepherd explained his plans to her… Could it be that…" Alex trailed.

"She remembered because they undid their operation on her…" Jack continued. The whole group stood in silence. 

Price's phone rang and delivered them with more bad news. It looked like while chasing the runner, Shepherd had caught wind of their activity and had some of London police scour the nearby streets for them.

"Da, It's time to go, my comrades." Nikolai announced as soon as Price relayed the message. Their ride home was compromised.

"Where to?" He asked.

"I know a place." Soap said.

TRAIN STATION

It looked like Soap's hunch was right. None of the people onboard to Scotland mind about the faces of the fugitives flashed on the news recently. 

Their day packs had reserved clothes and they opted to change to something more civilian. Soap could smell the fabric conditioner France used to wash his newly bought clothes and couldn't help but miss her. If they weren't on a rush, Soap could've topped up for international calls.

"How long is this trip? 7 hours?" Price asked a civilian with surprised expressions.

"Wow. It's like a plane ride, but I'm still in the same country!" Jack cackled at the idea. He does have a different sense of humor. Just as Alex described him.

The rest of the team took this time to rest, they sat on the emptiest part of the train, away from the people that might recognize them and report their presence.

"I've contacted Samantha. It looks like they're having a small problem over there." Alex said.

"Someone saw one of us fugitives and tried to get inside the house to claim his bounty. At first they just talked him off but he's persistent now. So they decided to fly to our location and regroup there. And Soap, where exactly are we going?" Alex asked. Soap took a careful look around his team and felt nervous about his decision.

"Our old house. In Scotland. It's far off civilization. I think no one would look for us there." he muttered, gaining a nod from Price and Jack. Soap sighed in relief as soon as they thought of it as a good idea. Roach actually felt excited despite having to go there by train for seven hours. He immediately made that decision a few minutes ago without anyone's approval, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

"Hey, you three… Thanks for chasing that runner while we were out. Go catch some sleep. We'll watch over this train. It's going to be a long trip." Price nudged and Jack nodded. Soap gave a pair of earbuds to Price, the old man immediately looked at him with question.

"What's this? A hearing aid?" Price asked.

"Our runner wore that so it might be the reason he wasn't affected by his own blast." He muttered before crossing his arms.

"Thanks, mate. I'll let someone have a look at this." Price nodded and Jack immediately inserted with a suggestion.

"I know someone near Glasgow. A close friend of mine." 

"That's great. He's closer." Price agreed and Soap slowly drifted himself asleep, trying to rest his tired legs all while also trying not to worry about Francine.

GLASGOW, SCOTLAND

The never shifting scenery of the road home sent John MacTavish into a little nostalgia trip. The sound of trains screeching across the station reminded him of so many things from the past.  The road they're walking along now was the same road he's walked on everyday of his life, and now after a lot of years, he can't believe he's back.

"I don't see anything nearby,  are you sure we're not lost Soap?" Roach asked.

"We aren't. The house is just obstructed by the trees. They've grown taller since I last left." he replied enthusiastically. He looked obviously excited to see his home.

As soon as they reached the short curve, a huge cream-painted house greeted them from the distance. He could hear Alex and Roach's collective oohs and aahs every step they took closer.

"When you said old, I was really expecting it to be abandoned." Roach mused.

"It is, actually. My parents are off… somewhere else." he replied leading the way inside the house. The pool was already dirty and most weeds already outgrew the fences.

Soap pushed the huge wooden double door open and was greeted by the same visage of their entrance way back when he was a kid. Same pictures hung on the walls of his adventures as a kid up to the recent photo of his graduation. His mom was always proud of him no matter what, but he couldn't forget the way she looked at him once he chose to enlist to the riskiest job ever.

The rest of the team helped themselves to discovering the inside of the house, looking at photos, sitting on the couches and grabbing a glass of water. Soap quickly gave them a tour of the house and that they're free to pick a guest room of their choice. It was appropriate that they'd feel comfortable after a tough day.

"Nice place you got here, comrade. Why'd you give this all up for a life that's always hanging on the ledge?" Nikolai asked, tapping his shoulder. 

"I don't even know." he muttered and Nikolai chuckled, making his way to the living room. The team was quick to adapt to the place. Roach and Ghost already chose their rooms and he assumed they already attempted to recover while the three older men gathered around the television and watched the news. Alex was by the telephone, probably contacting Samantha. He wanted to check on France himself, so he planned to go to his room and make a call.

"The New York attack stopped." Price discussed with Nikolai and Jack, the three began speculating about a lot of things. Soap would love to join in the conversation but he decided to update on Francine first.

His room looked the same as when he left, the same shade of blue wallpaper, the same color sheets that were changed weekly and the same things on top of his bedside drawer.

Dialing her number, which he subconsciously memorized, he immediately placed the receiver on his ear and anxiously waited for her to pick up the phone.

"Hello?" her voice sounded different over the phone, but it still sent shivers across his spine as soon as he heard it.

"Hey. It's me." he replied.

"Angelo?" she asked, her voice almost sounded like she's fighting herself not to laugh.

"It's John." 

"I know, silly. Who would mistake you for anyone else with that accent." she retorted.

"Do ya like it?" he teased, making sure he emphasized his Scottish accent well.

"Why'd you call?" She changed the topic. She wasn't budging on his teasing, but he knew she's already blushing on the other side of the line.

"Did Price give you the landing coordinates?" he asked.

"Yeah. Maxine looked it up on the map. It looks like a shady house in the middle of nowhere. Who are you?" she joked.

"Great. I'll see you here. I-" he hesitated. He wanted to tell her how much he misses her. But even with his oozing confidence, he felt like chickening out this time.

"Yeah. We're on our way. Take care out there John." She said and dropped the call. Soap sighed and plopped himself on his bed, deeply sighing at his actions. This girl was making him crazy… and the funny thing is he's all fine with it.

Next Chapter : Going Dark - Part 3

Notification Squad my Beloved

@smokeywhalee @samatedeansbroccoli @enderio @beemybee @whimsywispsblog @ricinbach

[neptunetheplanet7]

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐞𝐧 - 𝐜𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐮𝐬

DM ME IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE PUT ON THE TAGLIST!!

;mikasa ackerman x fem!lesbian!reader

;modern au, band au

word count: 2.4k

warnings: swearing, angst IF YOU SQUINT

listen to the music masterlist

prev | next

Groggily wiping your closed eyes, you awoke from a deep sleep. It didn't take long to realize the sheets around you weren't yours. You weren't in your bedroom. You weren't even in your house.

You sat up on the pullout, more alert. Rubbing the sides of your head with your fingertips, you desperately tried to put the pieces of last night together. The clock next to the unmounted flat-screen told you it was two pm. What happened to you?

"Good morning, honey bunny! Or should I say good afternoon?" The cheery voice that broke your confused silence was easy to recognize as Sasha.

What you were doing in the living room of her apartment, you didn't know.  You turned around to see her cooking food for the two of you.

The early events of the night before were clear as day when you retraced your steps. Catching up with everyone, Hitch, Zeke's fiasco, and dancing around were all things you had no issue recalling. 

However, there was one last detail just out of your grasp. Dancing with your friends. . . then with Mikasa. . . but what happened after that? Was it- oh, fuck.

Realization set in and you scrambled off the couch. Clothes from the night clung to your body as you stumbled into Sasha's bright kitchen.

Sitting down on a stool with wide eyes earned you a concerned look. Sasha raised an eyebrow. "Are you okay, Y/n? You look a little sick."

You shook your head. "I'm such an idiot. Can you believe I kissed her? I bet she didn't even want to."

She chuckled and pushed a plate of food in front of you. "From what I remember, she's the one who initiated it."

"I can't remember anything that happened after that. Fill me in?" You started eating your breakfast as you awaited their answer.

"Well, to put it simply, you fainted."

"What?!"

"Yeah, right after you pulled away. You were just out after that. It's really weird how that happened, actually," She put a finger to her chin as she reminisced.

The food on your fork toppled off as you stilled in shock. "Sasha! You better be joking! That's so embarrassing, oh my god."

In an instant, she was leaning over the table to steady your frantic gesticulating arms.

"Hey, hey, honey bunny. Don't freak out. We were all pretty worried about you. Nobody laughed if that's any comfort to you. To help out Marco, I took you back here after I dropped off Connie. He didn't need to worry about you when he had the three drunk idiots to drive home." She took your free hand in hers.

"I should probably text them so they know I'm okay." You left your food unattended as you walked back to the couch to look for your discarded phone. Sasha took it as a sign that you were done and helped herself to the meal.

"I got a picture of you two if you wanna see it," she said nonchalantly through a mouthful of food.

You stopped your searching. "What? Mikasa and I? When?"

"Well, I got a few, actually. I have one of you dancing with her and one of you kissing her. And some others from when Connie and I were joking around."

"Sasha, why?" you groaned. "I already get enough cameras in my face."

She shrugged and continued eating your breakfast. You moved the couch pillows around in hopes of finding your phone.

A reoccurring buzz vibrated the carpet under the pulled-out mattress. You reached under to grab whatever the noise came from.

Luckily, it was your phone. Unluckily, it was blowing up with texts from Jean and Eren. The familiar ringtone sounded as a call from Jean came through. You rushed to pick it up.

"Hello? Jean? Woah, slow down, what's going on?" You could barely make sense of his frantic words on the other side of the line. 

"Y/n, thank god you picked up. Armin's hurt. We're heading to the hospital right now. We think he has a concussion or something."

"What? Oh my god, what happened? How is he?"

"We'll explain later. Come when you can. It's the same hospital we went to when Eren broke his arm."

"Got it, Jean. I'll be there. Keep him safe."

"Of course."

He hung up. You started towards the front door. "We have to go, Sasha."

"Why? What happened? You sound pretty worried. At least change before you got out. I have a spare set of clothes for you," she offered, already on the way to their bedroom.

"No time. I'll change on the way to the hospital." You unlocked the door. 

"The what?" Their confusion and worry were clear from their tone. Despite that, she nodded and frantically reached for her car keys, extra outfit already in hand.

Once she got a hold of them, you both jumped in the car and set off to the hospital.

"What the hell happened to you?" You were seated on the left side of the hospital bed with the rest of your bandmates scattered throughout the bland room.

"To tell you the truth, I fell down a flight of stairs," Armin said sheepishly.

"With a light push from Eren," Mikasa added.

"I didn't mean to push him! I bumped into him!"

"Yeah, nice one, Eren. You're a certified douchebag." Jean rolled his eyes.

"Coming from you, Jean, that's rich." Eren glared back at him.

"Man, why couldn't Eren fall down the stairs." Armin clawed at the bandage on his head in annoyance. "This thing is itchy."

"It's because you are stupid, and I am not," Eren fired back. You snorted.

"Oh yeah, definitely. Remind me who graduated early from college and who dropped out again?"

He scowled. "You dropped out too, idiot."

"Right, but I did it for the band. You did it because it was too hard," you snickered.

"Damn, Y/n. Go a little easy on me, will you? I spent my whole morning at the police station." He pinched the bridge of his nose like he had a headache.

Confused, you looked at Mikasa, hoping for an explanation. She avoided your eyes and stared at the ground instead. It was the third time she wouldn't directly look at you since you got there.

Armin noticed the interaction and frowned. "He went to get Zeke out of jail," they explained.

Eren sighed. "That was the plan. Until I changed my mind. The bail was a lot of money and, frankly, with all the shit he did, it wasn't worth it. It's a shame he'll miss my birthday again but what good would he cause anyways."

"Oh, I see." 

As distraught as he was the night prior, Eren was able to toughen up with Zeke instead of letting him back into his life so easily. It was admirable he could do such a thing after his previous reactions to Zeke's shenanigans. 

"What did he even do? I guess he pawned that guy's wedding ring but isn't he banned from Nebraska?" Jean pondered.

"Well, he didn't lie about some things. He is several million dollars in debt and he was on the run from the police. Explains why he looked like he was gonna shit his pants when the cops showed up last night," Eren said.

"Okay, but what did he do specifically?" Jean asked again.

"Oh, right. He robbed banks like it was a game. The motherfucker was literally bank hopping around Nebraska. Plus, he stole a bunch of shit from people and pawned it all. There were so many complaints filed against him that he was banned from a ton of pawnshops. He wasn't banned from the state. Just enough places that he felt like he was."

Jean's jaw dropped. "How many banks did he rob?"

Eren shrugged. "Around thirty."

"Thirty? What the hell is that guy on?" he mumbled.

You were surprised as well but glad it wasn't worse. Still, you couldn't believe that he'd been staying with you for less than a week and he already stirred up a whirlwind of problems.

Silence had fallen over the room for a moment before Armin broke it. "Y/n, can I talk to you for a minute? Alone," he said.

"Sure." You were curious about what he had to say to you. He'd been all fidgety during the whole half hour you were there.

Eren and Jean turned from their position on either side of the door and walked out. Mikasa stood from her seat to follow. She shot you one last glance but looked away before your eyes could meet.

Once the three were gone, you scooted your chair closer to the bed.

"What's up?"

Armin's brows furrowed as he brought his nail between his teeth. "Do you know what's going on with Mikasa? She's been acting weird all day. She's always been the closed-off type but she hasn't said more than a few words to us all day."

You frowned. If Mikasa was not only avoiding you but the others too, you could only assume what was on her mind. 

"You don't remember last night? Is amnesia a result of the fall?"

He blinked, confusion still evident. "No, I don't think so. Eren and Jean are just as clueless as I am."

Then you remembered how drunk the three of them were the night before. They must've lost track of things after having enough drinks. So Mikasa hadn't bothered to fill them in.

You tugged at Sasha's shirt collar nervously. "Mikasa kissed me." Armin's mouth fell open. Words came out fast as you tried to explain, "Or I kissed her. It's a little fuzzy, I fainted afterward. Sasha said Mikasa initiated it, though." 

"You- she what? You actually- wait, you fainted? Y/n, are you okay?" The panic in his voice rose as the confusion dissolved.

You placed a hand on his upper arm to stop him from sitting all the way up. "I'm fine. Don't worry about me. I'm not the one in the hospital bed, after all."

He smiled at that. "I guess that's true. But anyway, how was it?"

You felt your face heat up. You weren't expecting them to be so forward. Clearing your throat, you replied, "The kiss was. . . yeah, I'd say it was good."

They grinned. "I'm glad you finally acted on those feelings. Christ's sake, Y/n. You've liked her for how many years now?"

You smiled shyly. "Jeez, I don't know. Quite a few. But don't get your hopes up or anything. She clearly thinks it was a mistake."

Armin's smile disappeared. "You've gotta stop thinking like that. More likely than not, she needs some time to process. You know she gets reserved when she has to think."

So reserved to leave for two years?  Yeah, you knew. You were beginning to believe her behavior would lead to worse.

The blonde seemed to sense something deeper was nagging at you. "Wait, have you ever actually talked about what happened? I figured you spoke to Eren but now that I think about it, whenever anyone brought her up you shut it down."

That was enough to get you thinking. When Mikasa was gone, your friends knew better than to ask about her. Armin was right, you always shut it down. 

You never spoke about how her disappearance made you feel. You never even wanted to think about it. There were times when you couldn't push the feelings away anymore. Times when you couldn't do anything but cry.

Whenever that happened, you made a beeline for Eren. He was the only one you knew wouldn't pry. You never had to say anything. He would just understand. He never told anyone. He never complained. He never asked. He let you cry until you couldn't anymore. He was someone you were very grateful for.

Mikasa's leave was something that affected you more than you let on. Even if it was easy to tell that it was hard for you to deal with, no one knew the extent to which it was.

Remembering that time brought back every feeling you never dwelled on. You couldn't go through it all again. You knew why it was hard to think positively about that kiss.

"I don't want her to leave," you whispered, voice coming out more shaky than you intended. "I can't do it, not again."

Armin looked surprised. "Do you think she'd leave again? Why?"

Lifting your head, your gaze shifted from the floor to his wide blue eyes. "The last time something impacted her emotions so quickly she left us."

He nodded as realization dawned on him. "But the difference between now and then is that this is a positive thing. Come on, Y/n, I'm not blind. Before she and Jean were together, you were dancing around each other for years. Even Jean was shocked when she asked him out and not you."

You thought about that for a moment. Right he was again. There were always moments between you and her before Jean. You always thought you two had an unspoken connection until she asked him out. It seemed others thought so as well.

You smiled hopefully. "Yeah, you're right. Maybe this is a good thing. I mean, I've had these feelings for years so maybe it's good I finally acted on them."

They smiled back. "Hope so. Just give her some time and she'll come around. It's Mikasa, of all people she would never ignore-"

The door banged open just as Armin was finishing his sentence.

Eren stood in the doorway with his phone held up and Mikasa and Jean not far behind.

"Hannes called. Couldn't wait any longer to ask. Are you two down for a performance at the beginning of next month?" He exhaled heavily, out of breath for some reason. "Mikasa and Jean here are already on board."

"You're coming back to the band, Mikasa?" Armin asked.

"Yeah. I miss it," Mikasa said quietly.

"Of course I'm down. It's been so long since we've performed," you chimed.

"So it's settled then. First performance in three months plus Mikasa's big comeback on April 2nd," Jean confirmed.

posted: 9/15/21

neptunetheplanet7© 2021

no reposts, edits, or modification to my work by anyone other than me.

[lilacsandwhiskey]

Simp prompts "it's okay, I promise, I'll be here when you wake up" for Drake x Riley. I don't care who says it to who...

Leaving 18+

Pairing: Drake Walker x Riley Brooks

A/U where Riley was previously in Drake’s life while he was in college, until the day Leo showed up at his door and whisked the man away. Riley never even got a goodbye. This takes place after running into each other in NYC that night when she’s his waitress.

Warnings: smutttty, angst, trash writing, language, did not proofread:)

prompt from simp softness prompts from @soulmemes

Riley was mad at herself. Furious actually.

When Drake walked into the restaurant she worked at, the thought crossed her mind to walk up and slap him across the face. Or kiss him. Or cry. Or all of the above.

But instead, she walked up, cool, calm, and collected. Drake found that more terrifying than anything. The four men sat at the table, Drake’s eyes practically bugging out of his head, while the other three took part in a conversation among themselves - something about one of them almost died at the top of the Empire State Building or something like that.

The table was already frustrating from seeing Drake, but the remarks from the one with the slicked back hair and fancy suit made it almost unbearable. Drake finally spoke up, ordering for the table before skittishly saying Riley’s name in question.

“Yes, hi Drake. I’ll be back with your drinks.” Riley attempted to look unbothered but as soon as she turned on her heel away from the table she wanted to throw up.

“Stop it!” Riley cried out for the sixth time while Drake pinched the sides of her hips, making her laugh uncontrollably. “Fine, fine.” He pulled Riley into him, lifting up one of her hands with his own and staring at it.

Riley finally caught her breath. “What ya thinking about in that pretty little head, Drake Walker?” Drake played aimlessly with her fingers, looking at her through his dark eyelashes. “Just a future with you, Brooks.”

It was only weeks later that the brown-headed Cordonian boy left without a trace, without so much as a word or call. Soon, Riley’s number couldn’t make it through the dial, and she was left to heal a broken heart on her own. She hated the idea of Drake. The way he held her so close the night before he was gone.

She’d buried her head inside his chest, asking for an answer for what they were going to do after graduation. Graduation was still over a year away but Riley couldn’t help but to think about what was going to happen when they walked across the stage.

After several words of affirmation, Drake held Riley close, kissing her forehead. “It’s okay, I promise I’ll be here when you wake up.”

And then he wasn’t. When Riley woke up, she recognized that the bed was colder than usual, she was free to move around on the small twin xl bed. She figured Drake had left to get something from his room, as this wasn’t like him at all. When an hour had passed by with no trace, no call or text back, she resulted to contacting his roommate.

Riley recalled the sobs that fell from her lips when his roommate was frantic on the phone, mentioning that there was not a single thing left behind except for the clothes he’d left in Riley’s room. They searched high and low for a letter, a note, something, but came up with nothing.

Now here she was, facing the boy turned man that had broken her heart into tiny little pieces. Riley went to the back of the restaurant to control her breathing before facing her past again.

After their order had been delivered, Riley took it upon herself to begin closing up, starting with wiping down the bar and tables. All of this in attempt to occupy her mind. That changed when the blonde who you’d only assume was his friend, Liam, that’d you’d seen in pictures on Drake’s desk, walks up ready to pay for the meal for everyone. Thankful that everyone was told to wait outside, Riley engaged in the casual conversation with Liam.

“So you’re the infamous Riley?” “So, that’s what they call me in your parts.” Riley responded, swiping the credit card through the machine. Liam could only grin, but there was no doubt that he could see why his friend fell so hard for her. Of course he’d gotten to know her over phone calls and video chats when she was in Drake’s room, but seeing her in person, watching the way she was able to pull herself together so quickly in what must have been a hard moment, Liam knew why Drake never stopped talking about her.

Drake hadn’t said her name in well over a year, but Liam had caught his friend stalking her social media just months ago. “Look, I’m sure you have a thousand assumptions about the man, but I promise he didn’t leave you. He had to leave behind a life he created over something he had no control of.” Riley scoffed, Liam noticed she was barely taking in the excuse. “If you love someone, you don’t leave without a trace. It doesn’t matter anyway, that was college and many years ago. Not like it means anything now.”

After leaving a rather large tip, Liam thanked Riley for her patience and hospitality before heading out the door. Liam noticed that Drake had separated himself from the group, wandering around and staring up at the sky as if he was searching for something. “Ready to go?”

——————

Riley felt her phone buzz in her pocket for the eighteenth time, she was sure. When she clocked out, she finally slid her phone out of her pocket, revealing several text messages from Cassie. Riley knew a brisk call would be better than even attempting to read through all of the messages.

“Cassie, what gave you the idea that texting me a thousand times was okay?” “Look, you have to come out with me tonight. Sarah bailed and you know I don’t want to go clubbing alone.”

Riley mumbled goodbyes to the cooks who were closing up, placing the phone between her shoulder and ear. “Cassie…” “Please, I’m begging.” After the night she had, she thought it could be a good idea to get her mind off of things, aimlessly flirt with some guys and get some free drinks. “Meet me at my apartment in ten so I can get ready.”

——————

The driver followed his directions that Maxwell had given to the club. Drake sat with his head at the window, staring at the lights, wishing he could just go back to the penthouse and fall asleep for the night.

“Drake..” Liam pulled the man from his thoughts as he looked over to his friend. “Why didn’t you say something?” “It was clear she didn’t want to see me. And, who knew we’d run into her anyway? That was the last thing I’d expect in this city.” Drake replied, sitting further back in his seat.

“Did you expect her to welcome you with a hug and kiss? Dude, she got her heartbroken. And I feel just as guilty because I know why you came back but she deserves something.” “Can we just drop it?” Liam shrugged his shoulder with a slight scoff, knowing this was how hard-headed his best friend was.

As they walked into the club Maxwell had sought out, Drake felt the dread enter deeply into his body. Individuals dancing on others, music blasting through the speakers, nothing but the smell of too much perfume, alcohol, and sweat. Drake pushed pass his friends to sought out the bar, where he’d occupy for the rest of the night.

Drake reached the bar, taking an empty seat as the bartender diverted his attention to him as he cleaned a glass. “Whiskey, please.” Drake placed his elbows on the counter just as he heard a familiar voice coming up behind him.

“You tricked me, Cass.” “I knew you wouldn’t come if you didn’t feel bad for me. Sarah may have changed her mind, okay.” Drake turned his head the other way, in hopes she didn’t notice him. He couldn’t help but side-eye her though, taking in the tiny emerald dress that was hugging her body - instead of the baggy t-shirt and shorts she was wearing prior. Her hair was pulled out of the loose bun and was now laying down her back in loose waves.

“Whiskey, please.” She sighed. Drake smirked, knowing he was the one who got her hooked on a simple glass of whiskey. Then he heard a groan, knowing she’d looked and noticed him. Drake cleared his throat. “You following me, Drake?” A very Riley thing to ask.

“I wish I could say so, but my friends dragged me here.” “Thought so, you always said this wasn’t your scene.” Riley air quoted as she talked, nursing the whiskey that had been placed in front of her. She never made eye contact though. “You know, I never thought I’d see you again, and now that I do, I don’t even know what to say. Maybe… Fuck you?” Drake almost let out a laugh, nodding his head. “Guess I deserve that.” “Yeah, no guessing. Flat out.”

Drake admired her for keeping herself calm and collected. Drake himself was about to pass out from his nerves of being so close to the one girl he’d loved the most. “It’s been five years. You’ve changed a lot.” “That’s what happens to people, typically.” Riley remarked. “Can we talk?” Drake blurted out. Riley still didn’t make eye contact with him. “Please, I just.. I need to be honest with you.” “For once in his life, Drake Walker wants to explain himself… wants to be honest. What does me the honors?” “Brooks.” “Fine, lay it out.” She patted the table. “Not here.”

Riley’s eyes finally met his face. “You think I want to go somewhere with you?” “You once trust me, didn’t you?” “Yeah, once.” “Trust me again.” “It doesn’t work like that, Drake.” Drake nodded his head. “I get that but please, just not here.” His eyes wandered the room. “Fine.” Riley shoved herself from the table, Drake scrambling to leave some bills on the counter before attempting to catch up with her. She had dragged who looked to be her friends to the side who were eying her with devious smiles, in which she returned with a slight shove.

Drake shot a quick text to his friends that he’d meet back up with them later. When Riley was out hailing a taxi, she still had yet to say a word to him from leaving the table. The ride to whatever location made Drake’s heart wrench. When they pulled up to a brick building, Riley handed the man cash and got out quickly, Drake on her heels.

Shockingly, Riley had managed to feel comfortable enough to bring Drake to her haven, her home, in the midst of New York. “Welcome to my humble abode.” She stood in her studio apartment, leaning up against the counter as she watched Drake observe the room. “Much different than your dorm decor.” “Yeah, not so much into patterns anymore.” Riley replied.

The silence between them thickened. “Okay, Drake, I didn’t invite you to my place so you could stalk around trying to take in the bits of me you missed out on. You said you’d explain yourself. And I’m tired of waiting.” Drake found himself speechless. “See, you don’t even care to say anything. After all these years, after the heartbreak and the hurt you put me through, you can’t say anything. Do you know what you leaving did to me? Do you know how much it hurt to plan a future with someone then wake up to no trace? Hell, I get we were kids but come on, that doesn’t mean it didn’t affect me.” “Riley…” “No, I gave you the chance to talk. I’m taking my opportunity. Do you know how low you have to be to drop the girl who’d do anything for you? I was willing to wait for you. I was so patient with you, for you to come around to your senses that we belonged together. I was there. Do you-“ “Dammit, Brooks.”

Drake moved swiftly, crashing his own lips on Riley’s in efforts to shut her up - and it worked. Drake rested his hand on her cheek, the other on her back pulling her into him, suddenly reminiscing on the times that those lips had been all over him before. Riley slowly lifted her arms up to tug the back of his head, before finally coming to her own senses and pushing him away. “What the hell, Drake?!”

“You wouldn’t let me talk and I need to get this out. For five years, I’ve wondered about you. I’ve thought nonstop about you and what we couldve been. I regretted so much, recognizing that we could’ve been fucking married by now. Isn’t that crazy? Yeah, we were two college kids who couldn’t get enough of each other but I met you and I knew you were special. You wanna know why I left? Because my best friend needed me. I couldn’t tell you what was going on because it’s confidential what goes on in his life. I couldn’t bring you home to meet my family because I didn’t have a home - I lived in a palace with my best friend because my mom couldn’t take care of me and my sister. That’s the truth. My best friend needed me and just like I always do, I went back. I ran. And I missed out on the greatest thing in life but I couldn’t tell you. I was sworn to secrecy.”

Riley stared, lips slightly opened, tears brimming her eyes. “Brooks, I’ve thought about you every single day. Liam told me how stupid I was to leave you, I knew how stupid I was, but I needed to be back. I needed to be in Cordonia. But that didn’t change the way I felt. I thought about you… every damn day.” Riley swallowed hard before stepping just a little closer.

“I’m not saying this will fix everything or hell, I don’t know if you ever want to see me again, but just know I never wanted to leave you. My intentions were to start my own life with you. It’s been five years but that hasn’t stopped me.” Drake took his own step closer to the love of his life, closing the gap between them. “Show me.” Riley said above a whisper. “Hm.” “Show me that you never wanted to leave.”

Drake’s body crashed into Riley’s before picking her up and setting her on the counter. “I never stopped loving you.” Drake mumbled between kisses, moving his lips desperately to her neck. He couldn’t believe this was happening. He never thought he’d see this girl again much less be kissing her.

Drake swiftly brought her from the counter, holding her body close to his as she mumbled directions to her room. This was real.

Drake laid Riley on the bed, careful to make sure she was really in front of him. “Are you.. are you sure?” “Yes.” Riley shimmied quickly out of her small dress, laying back on the bed before urging the man in front of her to prove her wrong - that he did care all this time. Drake felt his heart jump as he slowly hovered over her, kissing her neck, down to her breasts. His fingers slowly traced down her arm, to her stomach, right above her underwear.

“You are so beautiful. Always have been.” He said. Drake slowly caressed the skin above her waistband before inching his fingers down to her heat, slowly sliding a finger in, causing her to arch her back. Drake kept his mouth placed on her own as she let out small desperate moans. This was it.

Drake managed to slide a condom out of his wallet, giving a few pumps before putting it on. “Brooks, are you sure?” “Yes.” Riley consented. With a long kiss, Drake slowly pushed inside of Riley, managing to fit his entirety into her. Gasps came from both of them, wide eyes staring into each other. “Are you okay?” “Yes, go on.” Drake slowly began rolling his hips into Riley’s, moans slipping through both of their lips.

This was different. It wasn’t two horny college students handling their frustrations. This was two adults who needed each other. Two people who were made for each other but didn’t know how the world would work to make it happen. And here they were riding out their highs together, Drake collapsing on Riley as she pulled him into her.

Her hands found his curls, twirling them around on her fingers, recognizing that she hadn’t felt this in a long time - and never thought she ever would again. After the moments they spent together, Riley found herself getting insecure.

Barely any conversation had been held for both of them to really understand what this could be or what realm had just been opened. He still very well lived across the world, and they both had growing up to do since the last time they saw each other. Of course they were different people, but who were they for each other now?

A silent tear escaped Riley’s eye as the man on top of her steadied his breathing, getting up quickly to clean himself up. Riley scooted over, bringing the blankets to cover her body. When Drake joined her again, he wrapped an arm around her, placing kisses to her forehead. “What is it?” He asked, noticing her tears. “Where does this leave us?” “We’re gonna figure this out, Brooks. I’m not leaving you again. It’s okay, I promise I’ll be here when you wake up. We both need to understand what this is and could be and who we are now. All I know is, I’ve missed you, Brooks. And I hope you missed me too.”

[deliverydefresas]

moving step by step (together)

second and last thing i posted on wp that i haven't posted here ((i think)) feel free to ignore if you've read this on wattpad already, as i'm just posting it in case i need to refer to it later.

(not proofread. it never is)

prompt(?): domestic!simbar deciding to move in together (toanothercountry)

When her day began, she didn't imagine it'd end up the way it did. In fact, to Ámbar the day felt like an endless nightmare.

Between her washing machine breaking, one of her kitchen cloths accidentally catching on fire when she was making her breakfast, her car not starting and thus being late to her first class, forgetting an important paper at home and losing 1/5 of her grade for one of the toughest classes in her semester; Ámbar just wanted to call it a day and forget she even had to endure it.

"The professor told me he'd let me turn it the paper, as long as I added 10,000 words more; and hear this: he won't give me the 20% of the grade, but a 15%, tops." She still needed to get her laundry done, so she'd opted to come by Simón's loft (and Nico and Pedro's too) when her classes had ended. While she waited for it to be done, she'd grabbed a glass of wine while venting her boyfriend's ears off. "So now I need to find something to write about that's worth 1000 words of coherency, otherwise I'll be lucky to even have a 10%. And God knows I need it."

Simón kissed her head sympathetically, adjusting her head - previously leaning on his shoulder- a little bit closer to his neck. "You will, little gem. You're the smartest one in your class, I'm sure you'll find something and, it's penultimate semester, you can do it."

She groaned, "I wish it were as easy as that." He kissed her cheek this time, and she snuggled into him a bit more, needing his support to make her feel less stressed. "Enough of me, how was your day?"

He chuckled, "not as interesting as yours, I'm afraid. Did a little songwriting, had a video-call with a magazine, changed my sheets..." he winked at her, making her laugh.

"Aw, do you want me to give you a gold start? Maybe I should call your mom, tell her her little boy is a nice young man who makes his own bed." Simón leaned in to bite her cheek, causing her to and almost spill her wine all over the couch, and to prevent this, the red liquid ended up on her shirt. Technically, it was one of his, since today's clothes had been thrown in the washer with the rest of the laundry, but still, spilling wine on her clothes wasn't nice. "Simón!" she scoffed him, which only made him laugh at her. He told her to grab another of his old shirts, while he refilled her glass.

She stood up then, cursing him all the way to his room to grab one of the 'pajama' shirts he kept in his top drawer. Ámbar heard him call to her once she had put it on; "hey, is tacos okay with you for dinner? Or do you want me to order you something else?"

"What are the guys having?" she questioned, to prepare herself in case the others ordered less than what their stomachs wanted to eat, and later lead them to steal her food.

"Pedro's staying at Delfi's and Nico is out with his fling, so nothing." Simón answered her, entering his room with his cellphone at hand.

"Then the usual." She told him simply, her boyfriend nodded. "Hey, can I use your laptop to check my e-mail? My phone died."

Simón nodded again. "Sure. Hello? I would like to order two pastor gringas..." he left the room again, not before pointing at his desk, where his laptop was sitting on. She quickly turned it on, taking it to the living room to wait for Simón to finish the call.

Her boyfriend was one of those people who didn't put a password on the device itself, but on the archives in it (which were mostly lyrics, tracks, and unreleased songs), so it didn't take long until she had the browser opened.

Ámbar tried to ignore whatever Simón had open in his last tab, but the images displayed caught her attention.

No, it wasn't porn, nor was it anything compromising. At least not in that way.

Her boyfriend had a Real Estate website open, showing apartments in sale. However, that wasn't what surprised her – he'd talked about finding his own place before-, but that all the options listed Mexico City as their location.

He'd never mentioned moving back to Mexico. They'd planned vacations to his hometown Cancún, sure, but somehow in all their talks about the future she'd had assumed their plans took place in Buenos Aires, close to her family instead of his. She could deal with him going on tour for weeks – she didn't bear months as well as she did weeks, and for this he always flew her in- but to live in two different countries? How was their relationship supposed to work in that scenario? Would it even work out? Sure, she was almost over with her degree, but-

"Little gem," her eyes snapped from the screen to where Simón was standing, by the kitchen's door, "I ordered you an almond horchata, is that okay?" she kept staring at him. "What? Is my laptop giving you problems? Your mail?"

She sighed. "No, I actually haven't opened my mail yet." He gave her a confused look.

"Then what's it? You've been staring at the screen for at least two minutes."

"When were you planning on telling me you're moving to Mexico?"

His mouth shut, his eyes showed surprise and an underlying regret. "Uh... soon?"

"So it's true, then? You're moving there?" Ámbar didn't want her voice to sound as hurt as it did, but she couldn't conceal it, either. After all, this was her boyfriend, the guy she was in love with, and who she'd loved for years now... to imagine him living so far away from her, it hurt her deeply.

To find out like this, instead of from his own mouth, was like salt to the wound. Her already shitty day was turning for the worse.

Simón sighed, his demeanor showing he was ashamed of it. "It's an option." He pursed his lips slightly, walking over to the couch, taking the device off her lap to turn her body towards him. "I was planning on talking to you about this sooner than later, I promise."

"When? When you had already bought it? Or when I had to say goodbye at the airport?" she couldn't help but dab at him, her temper was talking for her right then, "and what do you mean with 'it's an option'? You're looking for a place already, surely it's more than simple 'option'."

Simón let out a sigh, a sign he wasn't sure how to explain it to her, "I- have you noticed how most of our label meetings have been taking place in México?" She nodded, it was hard not to. The boys and him didn't really leave the city unless they absolutely had to, which could be summed up in three reasons: touring, vacations, and meetings. She'd always frown a little when those meetings took place, because she couldn't really understand why they had to leave when their label had offices in BsAs, but never really dared to ask Simón, afraid she'd come out as clingy for not wanting him to leave her for a couple days.

"I just assumed all the 'important' people chose to meet there instead of flying down here."

He scratched his nape. "It's a little bigger than that. Their HQ has always been up there, and their offices here have worked on a smaller scale for years; however, they've wanted all their more... 'recognizable' artists to be closer for a while now."

"So, they're making you move there?"

"Yes and no. They've been nagging us since the beginning to move to Mexico City, but it's only now we've – well, I've- considered it as an option."

"Why? Don't Pedro and Nico want, too?"

Simón grimaced. "They've already been considering it for a couple of years." Oh. Now that she thought about it, Delfina had hinted multiple times over the months 'the possibility' of working in another country. She'd always assumed she meant taking international jobs for a short period while Pedro was out on tour too, but now she guessed she'd meant for her to imagine that possibility, too.

It seemed like she'd assumed lots of things, and it stung to know she'd been in the dark far longer than everyone else. Even Delfi – who'd been dating Pedro a considerably less time than she'd been with Simón- knew of this before her.

Which made her ask him once again. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"Because you're still in uni, little gem, and I didn't want to move somewhere else while you were here; I still don't. I had a plan, honestly; I was going to wait until you neared graduation to slowly get you used to the idea, and, well, I also wanted to wait in case we didn't work out." She pursed her lips as she was still mad, but knew he had a point. He always did.

"You could've talked to me sooner, though. We could've planned this way sooner, make it easier for both." Ámbar sighed out, trying to get her anger out with it.

"I know, I get it now, and I'm very sorry." He apologized sincerely, grabbing one of her hands to kiss it. "This in no way is me telling you I'm moving tomorrow and leaving you here, little gem, I'd never do that. Hell, I don't even think I could. It's just..."

"An option." She finished for him, sighing again. "I guess I- I don't know, maybe I could start looking at internships in CDMX? When- when would this take place anyway? And I have to talk to my mo-" her eyes widened, "God, my mom! What do I tell her if we go? She'll be all alone here!" Her voice sounded panicky even to her.

"Hey, it's okay, there's no hurry. We've already postponed this for years with the boys, another year or so won't change anything, in fact, we'll need all we can get to get papers and stuff in check. And your mom can always come with us if you're worried about her, no biggie." He told her, as if the three of them moving countries wasn't a big deal, or, y'know, extremely expensive.

"Do you seriously want my mom living with us, Simón?" she snapped at him, and immediately felt bad to do so. He was just trying to help her and then here she was, bitching on his offers. "Sorry, sorry. I'm just... overwhelmed, sorry." He shrugged it off.

"I was actually thinking of you two getting your own apartment but since you're oh so kindly offering to live together..." Her eyes widened once more, shocked. She hadn't realized she'd implied that. "... I guess we can either buy or rent one for ourselves and rent another for your mom."

"That's not what- I mean it's not necessary. An apartment for my mom and I would be okay if she even agrees to move."

Her boyfriend started pouting. "Are you saying you don't want to move in with me?"

"No, no, that's not what I mean-" she stopped talking once she saw a teasing grin on his face. "You're messing with me."

He shook his head, silently laughing as he reached out to sit her on his lap, hugging her waist tightly. "I'm not. I'm actually happy you asked me to move with you, so I don't have to when the time comes."

"I didn't ask you." She felt the need to point it out. "You just assumed I did."

"Because you assumed we'd live together. It's okay; if it were up to me I'd be living with you in a heartbeat, I've thought about it for a while."

She gulped. "You have?"

"Yeah, but since I'm living with two dudes and you're living with your mom... it just isn't viable." That got her thinking.

"Why haven't you gotten your own apartment yet? Any of you?"

Simón shrugged, leaning into their coffee table to grab their glasses. "Rent is cheaper when you divide into three, and all of us have been saving up to get our own pads for when we moved to CDMX."

"It was never a matter of 'if', was it? It was always a 'when' you moved." She already knew the answer, of course, so she didn't wait for him to answer. "What took you so long to do so? I'm sure you could've done so years ago, and now you're waiting for Delfi and I, I guess, but before? What held you back?"

He pondered it for a minute, didn't speak immediately. "Something always came up. At first, we didn't have enough money saved, then Nico's mom had an accident, Pedro wanting to stay until his little sister finished high school... then you. My guess is the universe was waiting for us to meet to let me leave the city." She couldn't help but laugh at this.

"You're such a corny guy."

"Only for you, little gem, only for you." Ámbar took a sip of her wine before snuggling closer to his chest, earning her a kiss on her hair. "So, are we doing this?"

She pushed the anxiety of the unknown to the back of her mind, she knew that if she overthought about it she'd find reasons not to. Instead, she took a deep breath, intoxicating herself with the smell of soap and lotion that lingered on her boyfriend all the time.

"Yeah," she sighed, "but we're doing this together."

"Together," he repeated, giving her hand another kiss. "I like the sound of that."

[ofgentleresolve-a]

If you're taking topics to do headcanon posts on, would it be okay to perhaps suggest 'falling outs' as in interpersonal relationships? Or perhaps 'friendship' instead, as a broader topic :3

i didn't think anyone was gonna actually read the tags and take me up on this ( ft. word game ( i have no meme *cries* ) w/ @mythvoiced ) || always accepting!!

ahhh, lena thank you so much for sending this in!! i didn't think someone would actually take me up on this but lemme see what i can come up with. i'll do the first one ( for now ) since a lot of their backstories do deal with fall outs!

hc set 2: falling out

mana.

she doesn't make friends easily so when she does find one in someone, she holds on tightly. fingers digging into skin tightly

before daniel, she didn't have any friends, even in high school. she was known as the quiet loner bookworm

there were a few people who approached her with the intention of friendship, but they left pretty quickly once they realized she liked being quiet and doing nothing more than read ( ie. many of them approached her with their ego in mind- she was a project for them to fix, whether they realized that or not )

she figured this would be the case in college too- and then daniel happened. first person who got along with her well naturally but also accepted her as she was.

pls don't judge her too hard, but she did have a fall out with calum before they started going out. happened about a month after they graduated from college.

he was with daniel's grandfather in incheon and instead of coming back to the states, he decided to keep traveling. that's when she stopped answering his messages, picking up his calls

essentially ghosted him

calum was genuinely upset about that and they did talk about it when the topic of daniel was finally breached

she felt like he was willingly drifting away from her. she had seen the pictures and insta stories he put up while he was there- he seemed so much happier than when he was around her ( skewed outlook - they were in an environment where daniel's presence permanated everywhere )

it also reminded her in a way of how her mother abandoned her. didn't think she could take being left behind again

raphael.

just like with customers at a restaurant, friends, loved ones, co-workers, people come and go

one day he'll be working alongside with someone for years, in the next they'll be off to another place without any warning. no chance at an actual goodbye

most of his actual friends were from culinary school, never from anywhere he actually worked

co-workers saw him as a rival ( thanks dad ) and could easily take advantage of his generosity; he learned to keep his cards close back there. made making friends very difficult there, which is something ray needs

leaving the culinary world for him also meant disappearing off the map- he intentionally didn't contact any of his friends from culinary school. still hasn't to this day

he knows he shouldn't think this, but it's kind of a relief, no longer having any connections to the culinary world. when he left, it was a big media thing. he changed his number and went incognito for a while there

his friends pushed him to improve his cooking in any way possible and while he needed it to grow as a chef, it came at the cost of his well-being

he assumes they've moved on since it's been about two years since that time ( he doesn't realize they're still looking for him )

but no connections there, means he's free. gets to do whatever the hell he wants

lamon.

uh oh. yikes. so you know those people who take breakups really hard? the one who is constantly getting left behind? yeah so that's lam

so while he was very close with robin, the friendship really wasn't all that healthy

there were rumors about her. bad ones, ones where multiple people recounted times she screwed them over ( whether it was about money, emotions, etc. )

but when they came to lam's ears, he didn't believe them. or rather, he didn't want to believe them- how could someone who has been nothing but kind towards him do that.

she told him they were all just being mean. she had a reason for doing all of it. blinded by his loyalty, he believed her, even if her reasoning for many of those situations ( many of which also unfolded in front of his eyes ) felt off.

slowly, he found himself withdrawing from his other friends, who flat out told him they didn't like her. he knew she didn't have a great family life so if he left too, she wouldn't have anyone else.

robin still had her friends though. lamon found himself growing resentful that while she had her friends, he no longer had any because she made him pick sides

it all came to a head that fateful night. he picked the fight before they left and then she intentionally crashed their car into another

the other person was severely wounded- unable to walk for the rest of their life. their family members blamed robin. robin blamed lam for what he said

he realized she was right. he should've just been grateful for her friendship ( ie. this was a very human reaction on his end, picking the fight )

with robin serving time, he didn't have any other close friends to fall back on. he also realized in this time, many of the things they had said about her was actually right- because if you're in this much drama with other people and you're the common denominator, well then

okay so he had a few friends who welcomed him back to campus, but for the most part he felt horrible. a stupid person who couldn't do anything right. who did nothing but hurt the people around him.

fell into a bad depression. isolated himself for the rest of his college days for the most part from the guilt of hurting her.

ray's friendship really saved him back there- reminded lam that if someone like ray could take a liking to him, maybe he wasn't as terrible of a person as he thought he was

the guilt's lessened over time, but he still thinks about her a lot

yoojin.

one thing yoojin learned early on as an immortal person- don't get attached to anyone

but he can't help it. he likes being around people and being around people means you inevitably get attached

he's had friends, family, and lovers ( no children though ) come and go. and it hurts every single time

sometimes he's the one left behind. sometimes he cuts the relationship off before the other party gets any more attached. he'd rather be the one cut off than the one doing the cutting off

it's better than losing them to something drastic, like disease. or war. or even old age.

these days he's accepted none of these relationships will be forever so it's best to cherish them all while they're still there

you know the idea of a hand in water- think of the water like love and relationhsips. they're all surrounding him- he holds them loosely so he can adjust easily when they're gone

it sucks though bc he doesn't think he'll find love/friendship that'll last, he thinks he's going to be forever alone

[mouseblob]

Hola!

I know I haven't posted for about 4 months even when I said Id be posting more. Sometimes I just can't find the moviation or time to do it but I hope that will change. I do have a couple big announcements to make!

#1. February 1st, 2020 I came out to my mom offically about my sexuality ( about being bisexual) and told her about my relationship with my boyfriend. I had never told her about me being in a relationship before and I'm pretty sure before this point as far as my sexuality goes, she thought I only liked girls. Around Christmas was when I decided coming out to her about my relationship is something I wanted to do, it was Christmas break so me and my boyfriend were both out of school so we spent alot of time gaming and on the phone and honestly it was my best Christmas break ever. I realized how truly in love i was with him and how I actually wanted a future with him so telling atleast part of my family sooner or later would be a good idea. My boyfriend was a great supporter thoughout the whole process, he understood how anxious it was making me since I don't like talking about my feelings especially with my family and he stuck by me through it all. I definitely don't regret, there's sometimes my mom will make a snide comment but she does that with alot of things and even though I don't want to, I've lived to live with it. I think when I first told her it was hard for her to grasp since me and my boyfriend are long distance and dont blame on meeting for awhile, around 1-2 more years, since he has some of his own personal issues to deal with first but she has come a long way and I'm thankful for her for trying. All my siblings know and they all handle it in their own way but are also most of the time supportive.

#2 After 12 years of being homeschooled I have finally graduated! ( June 26,2020) It's feels surreal but I'm glad the day finally came. When I first began school I faced some difficulties that made me believe I wouldn't graduate at the age of 18, there's nothing wrong with being an older graduate but this was just a personal goal of mine. So after a lot of hard work and doing a dual year of junior/senior highschool I can say I graduated 1 month before I turned 18! I'm glad I can now further my education in ways that are specific to my future and what I want to do with it! I'm so grateful for all my family and friends that believed in me and my abilities to get to this point!

( here's some pictures of me in my cap and gown!)

#3. This is personally the most exciting to me all. I mean I'm grateful for all of them, but this is something I've been waiting for, for the longest time. I have started the process of getting on testosterone! Yes that's right, ya boy is finally getting the T! It honestly feels amazing to type it out cause I never thought I would make it to this point of starting my medical transition. I'm going through my local planned parenthood, I had my first appointment which was a phone call consultant ( due to covid) two days ago, July 8,2020. This consultant was basically just a lot of questions. It was questions about my mental health, my sexual activity, what I want from HRT, some of the changes Im looking forward to, what helps my dysphoria and what makes it worse, if I was in a safe environment, family health history etc. Alot of the questions were focused around the services they provide and the resources they know of, they asked these questions just to see what else they could help me with besides hrt, I thought it was really considerate. Even though some of the questions revolving the monthly cycle were uncomfortable they were very kind about it and didn't make it awkward. One of the things I felt was really nice is when they asked me if I had any terms I liked to use for my body or if medical terms were okay. It showed they really do care and were coming from a place where they just wanted to make sure I'm comfortable and felt like I could open up if needed. Before we ended the call I was able to set up my next appointment which is my official intial appointment since I'll be able to go to the office. My appointment is July 20,2020. Before I go to my appointment my prescription for testosterone will be sent to my pharmacy and I have to pick it up, so when I go to the appointment I have it with me. I believe they said I'm starting out on 1ml or some type of standard dosage, my phone was cutting out so I didn't hear the number clearly. To my understanding what is gonna happen at the appointment is, me and my mom will fill out consent forums, i'm starting literally 1 day before I turn 18 so my mom still has to sign off but it's not a biggie to me, I will get some blood drawn for lab work ( just to check for some of my levels due to past family health concerns), I will get training on how to do an injection and I will be getting my first injection of testosterone. The consultant alone took an hour so I'm assuming this appointment will be around the same time or an hour more. I need to talk to my doctor about it but I'm pretty sure I will be taking the testosterone via intermuscular injections. There's definitely a lot that's gonna be happening but the fact I'm this close to starting Testosterone is amazing.

I will definitely be posting updates about my transitions more frequently so if that's something you're interested in, feel free to give this account a follow.

I believe that's covers everything for now, thank you for reading!- Cyrus

[ahsana]

Rehab ~ Dean Winchester

Chapter 1 - The Party

Summary: Gwendolyn Anderson is in her early twenties. For most people that age, they're in college or just starting to find their way. For her, she lost the person closest to her in the universe and she has to find a way to pick up the pieces because everything as she knows it as about to change. After a few events that are less than coincidental, the only thing that seems to make sense anymore is a man with green eyes and a twelve step program.

Pairing: AU!Gabriel Novak x OC!Gwen, AU!Dean Winchester x OC!Gwen & possible other variations. Stay tuned to find out ;)

Word Count: 2038

Chapter Warning: Just like every other chapter in this book so far, there will be detailed drug use, mentions of drugs, paraphernalia, mentions of death and other very sensitive topics. If this could trigger you or set you off in any way possible, I urge you not to read it. If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, please reach out and get help. You are not alone. Always keep fighting.

Even when things were okay, I still never feared death. I've been on the edge many times; never quite falling off, but never quite holding on either.

A lot of people say overdosing was their rock bottom. It wasn't for me. Heroin is a strong word, and sometimes it even shocks me when I say it. Weird, right?

In health class as a teenager, I saw the pictures of drug addicted people and made a pact with myself in my head that I'd never become one of those people and here I am. I guess I should explain how I got here, though.

« FLASHBACK »

Why did I snort that line? My nose burns, my brain hurts, and my whole body feels like it's buzzing. I'm not exactly sure where the cocaine came from or why exactly I did it but I know that I have to get out of here and fast.

Parties aren't usually my scene, but I figured since it was my last day as a teenager I might as well indulge. My surroundings aren't familiar, just some college frat party that I knew of because I attend school here, but other than that I really have no idea where I am or how I got here.

I'm searching for the exit, pushing past sweaty bodies and other young adults who reek of alcohol and marijuana. I gave up hope halfway through the search because it feels almost as if though it's impossible, so when my eyes land on the staircase in front of me I sigh gratefully.

The door at the end of the hallway is propped open slightly; a large rock wedged between so it couldn't close. The loud music was causing my ears to ring so I walked as quickly as I could and became elated when I realized the door at the end of the hallway leading to outside, giving me a chance to get some fresh air.

I push the door open and realize it's heavier than I first assumed, so I try and let it close behind me gently so it doesn't knock rock out of place. I inhale deeply and look around, only to be met with the fact that I'm on the roof somehow.

"Wow," I mutter, and make my way towards the edge of the building; my shoes making the gravel of the rooftop crunch along the way. I peered over the ledge, and for a second considered flying.

Worse case scenario, I land flat on the pavement, ultimately dying in the process or I make it to the rooftop across the way. I step onto the ledge, squat and then sit; dangling my legs over the side of the building.

My heart is pounding a hundred miles a minute, and all of a sudden tears start streaming down my face.

"I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend," I gasp out of shock because I didn't realize that I wasn't alone up here—and also because a random man is singing to me. I turn my head to face the mystery man and am pleasantly surprised. "You could cut ties with all the lies, that you've been living in," He continues, and I recognize the song and join in with him.

“And if you do not want to see me again, I would understaaaand. I would understaaand," We both sing in unison, and the stranger lets out a fit of giggles which makes me laugh in return.

"So Miss, how are you on this lovely night?" He questions.

"You aren't even going to ask me my name?" I inquire with a grin.

"Nope, don't need to." I nod in response, pretending to understand why.

“I'm doing well, by the way." I add.

"That's amazing.. or.. would be, if you were telling the truth." I cock my brow up, and he quickly adds, "I mean you wouldn't be sitting on the ledge for nothing, right?"

I shake my head in disagreement. "That's where you've got it wrong, sir."

"Sir? Do I really look that old?" He jokes.

"No, but I'm not sure what to call you since we don't need to know each other's names." The stranger sits beside me and lets his legs dangle over the building as well. I take a closer look at his features that are illuminated by the street lights below and I am captivated.

The ridge of his nose, the length of his lashes and his eyes—Wow, his eyes. It's dark, but I can tell that they're brown with a swirl of honey and it reminds me of a Hershey's bar.

"So, did you find what you were looking for?" He asks, and I shake my head no for the second time. "Well then what are you doing?" I shrug. "You're not very talkative, are you?" He asks, seeming genuinely curious.

"I am, but I'm not sure what to say. I'm at a party, drunk and high off coke, sitting with a stranger on the edge of the roof; trying to come up with something I could tell you but I'm at a loss for words here." The man gives me a goofy grin in return.

"Well. We'll probably never see each other again, so why don't you tell me your biggest secret?" I laugh out loud.

"Sir, I've known you for mere minutes and you want me to do something like that? Strange." I mumble in awe.

"I'm not from around here, so I couldn't possibly hold it against you in any way."

"Why did you come here then?" I ask.

"Free booze."

"Interesting. Here—I'll make you a deal. I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours." I whisper cheekily to him and he nods his head, agreeing.

"Sure. Okay. Let's start," he thinks for a moment, "My guilty pleasure is Lazy Town, the kids show."

"Ha! That's an awful secret, shame on you!" I reply but laughing while doing so.

"Fine, fine. Um, when I was seventeen I slept with my best mate's girlfriend. He still doesn't know." He whispers guiltily.

"Wow, that's pretty deep. Are they still together?" He nods.

"Been together for eight years, married for three—with two kids."

I chuckle, "How do you know you aren't the baby daddy?"

"Timeline doesn't add up—trust me, I did the calculations as soon as she told everyone she was pregnant the summer after we graduated high school," He trailed off but then turned his head towards me, "Your turn."

I gulp, and try and think of something.

"Um... Well, I might as well go all out then. My parents are both government officials. Amelia and Doug Anderson?" I throw the names out to see if he recognizes them.

"Holy shit," He marvels. "You're Gwendolyn Anderson. I should have recognized you as soon as I seen you! You and your parents are all over TV." I sigh.

"Yeah. But call me Gwen, I hate it when people call me Gwendolyn. Anyways—That's not exactly my secret." I look towards him and he motions for me to continue.

"I don't know why I'm telling you this but.. here we go. My entire life, I've felt like the weight of the world has been on my shoulders. Ever since I was a kid my parents have been pushing me to be the best in every category there has been or ever will be. My senior year of high school was the worst, obviously because of the impending doom of getting into the best college and working on getting scholarship offers; meanwhile keeping all A's, playing volleyball and volunteering."

I continued, glancing back now and then to see if he was still paying attention and he was alert the entire time. "It got to the point where.. I needed some extra help. Adderall was basically my scapegoat and how I functioned for the entire year. My parents were so busy being wrapped up in their own lives and pushing me to my limit that they never discovered I lost myself along the way. Now I'm in college, and I'm still trying to find my way back to a happy medium. But when I looked down at the ground, I realized that for some reason it doesn't even matter anymore."

"And what do you mean by that?"

"Have you ever gotten to the point where you feel like you're just numb? Everything is grey scale and there's no color at all? I'm just going through the motions. There's no highs or lows; only this weird middle ground. I thought coming to this party tonight and getting trashed would make me feel better but it didn't change anything." He nods, knowingly. I can tell he understands. He rests his left hand on top of my right one and somehow it felt like my body couldn't get any hotter.

I should be scared, uncomfortable even. I just met this guy and don't even know his name but I'm letting him touch me like we've been friends all our lives. A sudden thought makes me speak up.

"You know, it's not really fair that you get to know my name and I don't know yours." He chuckles.

“It's Gabriel." I smile because it's very fitting. He looks like a Gabriel.

"That's a beautiful name."

He laughs, "Beautiful? More like average. Your name is beautiful."

"I wholeheartedly disagree. I have a grandma name, at least yours fits your age no matter how old you are." He smiles. We sit in silence, his hand still resting on top of mine and I take another look down at the ground.

"How long do you think it would take to reach the ground?" I ask as if he'd actually know the answer.

"For a suicidal person? Too long. For a person just looking for some answers, too fast."

“How do you know which is which?" Gabriel lets out a grunt and laughs.

"Well, do you want to die?" He asks, raising his voice but continues smiling; which is oddly contagious.

"I don't think I'd ever do anything to speed up the process, so ultimately no. Probably not."

"I guess there's an answer then." Gabriel replies.

"An answer?"

"Yeah, the one of many you're looking for. I won't have them all, though."

"B-But I thought you were an all-knowing wizard!" I gasp out sarcastically.

"No, no. But... I maybe might have one.. just for now,"

I raise my eyebrow again and ask, "What might that be?" Gabriel reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny baggie with pills inside of it.

"You might like these," he whispers gently.

"Ah, man. I don't know--"

“I'm sure drugs weren't the first thing you thought of, but maybe they'll help you forget until tomorrow." I sigh and stick my hand out apprehensively.

"What are they?" I question.

"Percocet. Strongest prescription." I nod, remember hearing some of my peers talking about it previously this week. I swallow two of them without a second thought.

« FLASHBACK OVER »

I look down at the person who brought me into this mess, and his face is quickly turning a light shade of blue.

"Gabe, God, You fucking idiot! I told you not to do that much!" I shout and dial 911 as quickly as possible.

The next thing I know, I'm sitting on the front porch steps of his apartment as they're carrying him away on a stretcher. My best friend is dead, and I can officially say I'm terrified.

[punkscowardschampions]

Bea & Ro

Bea: What time were you planning to go to mass on your birthday? Ro: [a time that is ridiculously early af] Ro: You're going to be there to present me with my rosary right? Bea: I thought it was just before the party, when is that starting? Ro: Traditionally, yes, but I don't want to hurry through it as if it's not important Ro: [a time for when the party is starting] Bea: Right Bea: it's just that it was going to be a struggle to get back for the party as is Bea: That's essentially adding an extra day to my stay Ro: but you're the closest thing to a godparent I have, spiritually Ro: I don't know who else could do it Bea: and I know that you really want to do this Bea: I'm just not sure if I can make this happen, the schedule doesn't have much wriggle room Ro: okay, I suppose you can lead the last doll ceremony at the party instead Ro: I was intending to have Ali give it to me, since she made the outfits and everything but I'm sure she'll understand Bea: I don't mind if Ali does it Bea: it isn't as if this is actually traditional to us Ro: I'm trying to create my own traditions, it means something to me in that sense Bea: I'll try to make the party Bea: Yes, I know Bea: but I can't have my life revolve around it for a full calendar week Ro: I can't help when in the calendar my birthday falls in relation to your university terms Bea: Of course not but this is a lot, Ro Ro: No, it isn't Ro: it's a party that you'll try to attend Bea: I don't know of any other party you have to attend church to go to Bea: unless it's a wedding Ro: I haven't thrown any other parties prior to this Bea: You know what I mean Bea: this doesn't need to be such an event, does it Ro: It's my birthday, it's allowed to be whatever I want it to be Bea: Right Bea: well I don't know if I can come, alright Ro: well, if you want me to tell you that's fine, I won't, because it isn't Bea: What do you want me to do? Bea: The workload is insane Ro: if you are unable to cope with it approximately a month after Christmas break, what would you like me to say or do? Ro: *before Bea: Don't talk like you have any idea about the workload, firstly, that's what you can do Bea: You haven't even done your leavers yet Ro: You only just got back, that's common knowledge Ro: being snowed under is a poor excuse Bea: They set the assignments at the start of term Bea: even if I have all term to do it, would you suggest I leave it to the last minute? Ro: I would suggest you learn more effective time management some time before you graduate Ro: since you asked Bea: Please Bea: You're in a strop but don't be a brat about it Ro: you're well aware of when I was born, it's nobody's fault but your own if you can't handle your own schedule to coincide with long established party plans Bea: I'm aware it's in the middle of term, Ro Bea: and I go to school in another country and am living on student loans Bea: I'm not flying back for every little thing Ro: it's one of the shortest possible plane rides and you're more than happy to take advantage of that when it suits you Ro: or Fraze Bea: That's my business Bea: and I don't come back as much as you're trying to put on Ro: and I don't ask you to come back ever, or for anything Bea: It's clear you're only concerned about yourself Ro: for one day a year, why is that so uncalled for? Bea: Because, all this is just ridiculous Bea: you aren't Latina Ro: look for the ridiculous in anything and you will find it Ro: or if you prefer, all great deeds and all great thoughts have a ridiculous beginning Bea: You do it with Ali, as per Bea: you don't need me for any of this Ro: that's just as well since you can't be relied upon to take part in any of this Bea: If it was important, I'd be there Ro: it is important to me Bea: I can't say you've inspired me to make any greater attempts than I already have Ro: of course not, your mind was already made up when this conversation began Ro: however inspiring I am or am not is irrelevant because of your unwillingness to prioritise me regardless Bea: You seem pretty convinced of a few things yourself Bea: It isn't exactly the easiest time for me, regardless of my time management Ro: it's my 15th birthday that approaches, not my 5th, I'm utterly convinced that waiting at the window for you is an empty pursuit Bea: You're being dramatic Bea: and if you'd like to compare 5th birthdays with me, feel free Ro: and yet I'm the one who's supposedly being dramatic Ro: one great sacrifice and you're content to never consider making another in my honour, however big or small Ro: okay then Bea: I didn't sacrifice anything for you Bea: They died, there's no good behind us Bea: I got help, we got out of there, end of Ro: maybe that's the end of the story as far as you're concerned Ro: it's the beginning of mine Bea: We aren't even talking about that Bea: yet another topic you know nothing about and I'm not willing to endure lectures on Ro: they died on the same day, it's impossible to talk about one without the other Ro: if I were being dramatic, that would be cause enough Bea: What does it matter? Bea: Can you remember it? No Ro: that in itself matters, having nothing to remember them by except you and your memories which you're as unwilling to share with me as you are to make any time to celebrate with me now Bea: I was 4, I don't have any memories either Bea: That's how it is, there is nothing to celebrate there Ro: Fine Ro: I'll leave you to your assignments then Bea: I will send your present Ro: Thank you Bea: Right Bea: if anyone asks, tell them what you like Ro: it's unlikely anyone will given how selfish I'm apparently being and how air tight your reasons for not showing up supposedly are Ro: besides, I have enough to do without indulging in any games of chinese whispers as to your whereabouts Bea: Then you best get on with it Ro: I have my own schedule under control Bea: I've not got the time to have this petty back and forth with you and if you're as busy as you say, that shouldn't be a problem Ro: finally, something you're right about Ro: it isn't a problem Ro: continuing this conversation with you is a waste of my energy Bea: Off you go then Ro: See you at Christmas, assuming you decide that's worth returning for Bea: Either way, you won't be waiting at the window Ro: precisely Ro: and you'll have my present sent if you don't appear yourself, little else mattering at times like these anyway Bea: You aren't upset I'm not coming, you're only upset your plans are compromised Bea: because if you remotely gave a shit about me being there, you would've approached this whole conversation differently Ro: experience has taught me what you value and what you don't Ro: I'm not about to make any kind of impassioned plea in order to be a hastily added footnote Ro: particularly if it follows that I'm to be blamed for your ensuing university hardships should you dare to attend Bea: You know me so well Bea: wait, no, we both agree that is laughable Bea: so spare telling me what I will or won't do or say, my sides are splitting as is Ro: perhaps I will when you respond in kind and stop telling me how I feel or why Bea: Experience isn't something you are solely blessed/cursed with Bea: I can only react to what I'm presented with Ro: you don't want to come, of course you're reacting in line with that, that's what I'm being presented with Bea: Of course I don't, but it's about obligation regardless Ro: you've long been free from any and all obligation towards me Bea: Don't be delusional Ro: you should make time for church if you're going to make yourself such a martyr to my existence Bea: Guess what, we're not Catholic either Ro: There is no we, my faith is my own Bea: Nah Ro: you don't speak for me on any subject, especially my personal beliefs Bea: It's bullshit, Ro Bea: no one chooses to be a Catholic Ro: I have Bea: Yeah, well you would love to be special Ro: I'm so unsurprised that you manage to find enough time to be confrontational Bea: If I were to actually call you out on all your bullshit, we'd be here 'til your 18th Ro: feel free to write the most urgent of your grievances in the card you'll send Bea: You don't deserve a gift that good Ro: that much we can agree on Ro: I don't deserve any of this from you Bea: For god's sake Ro: Stay there, as we said, nobody but me thinks it's unfair that you aren't coming Bea: I'm sure they do Ro: Well, I have not and will not ever care what your boyfriend thinks Bea: As I understand, it's mutual Bea: and he's more than just my boyfriend to you Ro: no, he isn't Bea: How do you think you get to pick and choose? Bea: you can't claim Ali and ignore everyone else, they exist too, like it or not Ro: In much the same way you and he both did, I would imagine Ro: if I were to claim him as my brother, being your boyfriend would be abhorrent and it's obvious what you would both rather by now Bea: Your choice to not integrate and be part of this family has nothing to do with me Ro: Likewise Bea: Fuck you Bea: you had every chance, this is the only one you've ever known Ro: by your own admission you had all the same chances, no sacrifices made for me and no memories of the former Ro: you chose him and he chose you, you're the one being delusional if you think there was room for me and him to still play happy families afterwards Bea: Now you want to believe me, convenient isn't it Ro: and you want to have your cake and eat it, it's an appropriately timed idea, at least Bea: This isn't about me, it's about you being ungrateful Ro: No, it's about you attempting to tell me how to behave as if you reside in an ivory tower instead of a glass house Bea: You're having your teenage rebellion phase, fine Ro: again no, I'd be more than willing to listen to you had you actually said anything worth listening to Bea: Sure Ro: Undeniably so Bea: No, bullshit, again, Ro Bea: you don't listen to anything anyone has to say because you think you're right about everything despite the obvious Ro: you can't garner a receptive audience because you're just talking and talking without pausing for breath or to listen yourself Bea: This might be a big conversation for you, but that's only because you never talk to anyone but yourself either Bea: I'm actually busy, with things far more important than your tantrum Ro: Go and devote yourself fully to those things then, I already told you to do so Bea: You think you tell me what to do? Bea: No Bea: I'm not so single-minded Ro: If I had any desire to waste my breath I'd do so during a piano lesson with one of my more challenging students, when I'm paid to Bea: Yes, that about sums you up Ro: thus allowing you to draw a line under me Ro: and all of this Bea: No Bea: that's your move Bea: if you're going to be as callous as to want it, at least have the follow-through Bea: I'm not making this one easy for you, lest I be accused of martyrdom again Ro: I wouldn't dream of trying to compete with you in the stakes of who is the most callous Bea: I miss a birthday, how much have you skipped out on, Ro? Bea: When are you ever fucking here? Ro: such a convenient scapegoat for you when you no longer wish to be held to your own account Bea: If you want to be a ghost, you don't get to defend yourself Bea: dead people don't get to prove or deny any claims made about them Ro: the dead are far superior conversationalists than you, in my experience Bea: Your imagination, it'd have to be Ro: boundless though it is, no Bea: You don't know any dead people, and that's the truth of it Ro: I've met lots of them Bea: No, you haven't Bea: and how many people turn up to your party is going to reflect that Ro: yes I have, and how many people turn up to my party reflects how many people I chose to invite Ro: for all the things you deign to lecture me on, having a select social circle is perhaps one of the most hypocritical Bea: If there was any element of choice, it'd be you and Ali Bea: it's obligation and the guestlist of your not family reflects that both ways Ro: this repetition is neither effective nor amusing Bea: It's the sad fucking truth and someone needs to smash it through your thick skull Ro: a chore you'll never be too busy for when you take such delight in it Bea: I hate talking to you Bea: do you seriously not understand how much you make my skin crawl Ro: and yet here you still are Ro: how ghoulish Bea: because I am your sister Bea: your actual sister, and it isn't optional Ro: hardly, we both opt out regularly as previously highlighted Bea: No, I don't Ro: you currently are Ro: and you have on many other occasions Bea: Not being able to stomach a whole performance from you trying to be someone else is not opting out Bea: I wouldn't still be here if that were an option Ro: you'd have to know who I was in order to have the slightest indication of whether or not I was attempting to be someone different Bea: I know who you are Bea: but don't insult me by pretending you have the slightest inclination Ro: you insult me with such a barefaced lie Ro: you don't know me at all Bea: You wish Ro: I'm not in the habit of wasting wishes Bea: How's that working out for you? Ro: Perfectly Bea: Then that's really sad Ro: You're a very convincing adult Bea: That's allegedly what you're preparing yourself for Ro: sober disenchanted maturity, so Wuthering Heights asserts among many other turns of phrase Ro: you're more suited to it Bea: You know, drunken, enchanting or youthfulness aren't words anyone would apply to you Bea: so I'd be more careful with what I asserted if I were you, you aren't likely to be thrilled with what you get back Ro: I am content without the constant appraisal of others right now, perhaps when I find my own way to university we can swap places though Ro: if nothing else, it'll grant you a rest Bea: Of course you are Bea: you haven't spent this entire conversation doing just that Bea: at least package your delusions as somewhat believable to anyone else or you just look wholly derranged Ro: this entire conversation is centred around the disruption of my plans and thus my self discipline is the only thing seeking to be placated as you yourself commented Bea: You've sought out every opportunity to assert your appraisals of me, unprompted and unforgiving Bea: I wasn't going to come out of genuine lack of ability, but the poison of spite and bitterness was barely held back between your pursed lips, no need to push hard for all that to spill forth Ro: however you decide to excuse your absence makes no difference to me Bea: It makes no difference because nothing does with you Bea: you'd rather I wasn't there because at least then you have something to lament over Ro: I'd rather you weren't because you've made no secret of the fact you don't want to be, as always Bea: because it's fantasy, none of it is real Bea: what is the point of us going through the motions of pretending to have this life-affirming bonding experience when it'll be nothing close Bea: how easily I could be swapped out for any other bit player confirms that, it isn't true, and this all means fuck all to you Ro: you could be so easily swapped out because necessity has dictated it on more prior occasions than either of us have the time or inclination to call to mind Ro: you kept yourself at a distance long before you left for Cambridge, lecturing me about my lack of integration or whatever you called it doesn't change that Bea: Because it was not me you needed to intergrate with, is the point Ro: romantically aligning yourself with Fraze and babysitting Rocky on occasion doesn't mean you can point out my perceived failings as if you're an expert, moreso Bea: This constant comparison is pointless and not what I'm talking about Bea: you were meant to be a part of this family Bea: YOU, not me Ro: and I am Ro: if only because they're obligated to care for and about me as you're so quick to point out at every single opportunity Bea: if you think that's the only reason, legitimately, for them, then you're proving my point about how out of touch you are Ro: you're the one who keeps propping up this conversation with that as the reasoning Ro: whether or not it has ever crossed my mind hasn't been brought up for discussion Bea: No, it's you failing to do your part, that obligation is a two-way street Bea: you're the one giving it negative connotations Ro: being in someone's debt rarely has positive ones Bea: That's what family is Ro: and contrary to what you believe, I fulfil my responsibilities to this one Bea: If you say so Ro: I do Bea: Then that's all that matters Ro: I'm well aware of what does and doesn't matter Bea: Okay Bea: not me you need to convince Ro: I'm also well aware of where to place my conviction so that it isn't misplaced Bea: Seems like it Ro: Goodbye Bea

[mynameispuppy]

Talking in Summer chapter 1

Hello! this is my first fanfic in years, I plan on continuing it for a while. I put information about reader’s quirk and such in my first post. 

                                                  enjoy!

As I start to fold some plain colored tees I let out a sigh, I've been on my feet all day and I can't wait to just go home and relax. An old friend of mine suggested me to the manager here at superdry© in the mall. I'm grateful to have a job but I wish I could be working closer to my goals....

Since I turned 18 and left high school my life has been just a blob heading in no particular direction.

"Hey (y/n) looks like it's 7 are you ready to take a 15?" I hear my co-worker call out to me from the front desk. "Oh- yeah sure" I politely smile back at her, she was always looking out for me with breaks and such.

After gathering my stuff I head to the nearly empty dining area in the mall. 'Only one hour left' I state in my head while I take a bite of my sandwich. I look around and spot nothing particularly of interest.

Except one person.... Next to the center fountain sits a man

I see him quite often in the evening

He's thin with strikingly white hair and dark clothing. When I first started to notice him showing up, I speculated he worked in the mall since he was there almost on a schedule, but the more I look at his appearance and the fact he has no uniform I assume he may be homeless or just doesn't have anything to do.... 'Maybe I should stop judging people so much' Old habits die hard I guess.

Looking at my phone the screen lights up '7:15... Good timing (y/n)' I shuffle around and grab my things. Looking back one last time the white haired man seems to have left. 'Oh well'

The rest of my shift flies by mostly because I just get to sit here and talking to Yume, my co-worker, while we clean up the store.

Just like clock work I head home at 8pm. Taking the evening tram about 3 blocks away and then walking the rest of the way.

I climb the steps to my apartment and stumble inside taking off my shoes and running over to my shiki futon shoved between my closet and bookshelf.

I try to check up on my social media a bit and check on things but my eyes quickly grow heavy "I guess it's been a while since I slept huh?" I chuckle to myself. Plugging in my phone I roll over and decide to sleep.

                                                ❁     ❁     ❁

The next morning is hot, around 33°C, so I decide to wear some comfortable, breathable clothes like my beige plaid skirt and a v-neck white shirt. The outfit reminds me of my old school uniform 'why not go all in then...' I figure and do pigtails aswell.

The trip to work is boring and repetitive. I wish something would spice things up...even a little. At least I get off early today.

I walk up to the big red sign of the shop and proceed in placing my bag behind the counter and sitting down.

Customers will come in check out a jacket or two and leave.

I finally get snapped out of my trance when hear my phone alarm go off "hm?" I reach down and realize I must've set an alarm for break without remembering. 'Maybe I'll go get some (favorite drink) I'm not particularly hungry this morning', grabbing my wallet I make sure my manager is all set before heading out. I take a quick little stroll under the open roof of the mall as I approach the brown fake wooden "drink shack" shop.

When I enter I see that it's still kinda slow since it's the morning hours except a couple people sitting in the back. After getting my drink I decide to head to the middle of the shop where I see a brown haired man sitting at the back bar and that same white haired man sitting at a booth.

I drink my (favorite drink) while keeping my locked gaze on the habitual man for a creepily long time. I was still tired out from my quirk so I must've been zoning out for a second too long...

He looks up at my line of sight and makes direct eye contact. 'I've never seen his eyes before... Red huh? Creepy.' I think to myself while he looks around him probably trying to see what I'm staring at. I try to fix the awkward situation by giving him a little wave but he just shoves his head back down into whatever paper he's scribbling across.

'sigh'

'you know what why not just get up and walk over there he could be a new friend'

I blush at the idea of being so bold I've never been particularly loud or extroverted before. But almost as if my embarrassment and body weren't even in tune I find myself approaching the man. I almost collapse on the booth seat across from him my legs shaking and hands in a clammy cold sweat clutching my drink. "......do..yo-you work here?" I force the conversation out trying to seem confident. His red glare slowly makes its way to my face "AT THE MALL I MEAN!" That came out louder than intended....I can feel my face get hot from all the cringe building up inside my body.

"Why are you bothering me." The words were scratchy and seem to cut out of his throat blunt and awkward. I start to wiggle uncomfortably realizing the humiliating situation I put this stranger and myself in.

"I apologize, I see you around here a lot I thought you may have noticed me." I squeeze out while looking at the table slowly scooting out of the booth.

"Right..." He trails "you work at that clothing shop next to the fountain."

I perk up a bit I guess he did take note of me. "W- yes I do," I stand up and bow "it's a pleasure to meet you officially." I scramble to be polite and smooth the situation over. "Yeah." He seems to be done with me so I nervously spit out "Well feel free to say hi anytime!" before turning back to the shop since my break was over.

I get scolded by your manager for being a bit late. But overall I'm over the moon proud of my confidence, maybe this won't turn out so bad even if he decides to decline your offer.

Quickly finishing up my last few hours of work since I only had a 4 hour shift today and decide to do some window shopping at the mall before leaving looking at other clothing shops and game stores.I had taken a study break from games, but since I have graduated, I've been trying to catch up by skipping sleep thanks to my quirk. Sadly I still find myself exhausted. Nothing catches my eye so I decide to head out.

Taking a stroll around town it's still quite sunny at 1pm, I decide to head to the park next to the local high school. A place I used to frequent a lot. Checking out my phone I see the headlines and new articles everyone seems to be in a frantic state "Destruction and mayhem..." I let slip under my breath while rolling my eyes.

This is why I want to be a veterinarian, actually be helpful. I always feel like heroes and cops are one in the same... Useless. While I start to bask in the sun I start hear squabbling between two males but their faces are blocked by the thick park trees. Leaning over I notice that one of them ran off. Spotting some oddly familiar shoes as the second person starts to walk into view.

To save myself any more staring embarrassment I quickly go back to closing my eyes at the sun only to feel the Bench's weight shift under my bottom. 'Someone is sitting next to me'. I take a peek and see the crusty pale man from the mall. "Hello?" I state looking for a response. With scrunched eyes he looks over at me and makes eye contact. 'he must not get out often' I think to myself.

"Fancy seeing you here" I chuckle to try and start a conversation. "Yeah." He rasps. 'is that all he knows how to say? What a weirdo maybe I shouldn't have approached him' I think before trying again at entertain him "Thank you accepting my of-ffer" stumbling at the end scared I might be annoying him. "Mmm" he grunts.

You're definitely annoying him.

"Do you want my number?" My words break out of my lips like water in a dam

'jeez why don't you just stalk him at this point' scolding myself.

"What makes you think I do." His words offend me in an odd way. "Well I just figured maybe we could become acquainted better that way...maybe?" Even I seem unsure of what I'm saying. Without another word he slaps his unlocked phone in my lap, hurrying to put my number in under (y/n) (l/n). "Feel free to text me anytime, I gotta head out." I say, I don't really need to leave but I'm pretty sure if I'm here any longer all my embarrassment is going to make me crumble.

bowing politely I turn to leave. "Hey." My head spins around to see the scrubby man now standing and looking at his phone, "Bye.", he nods at me before turning off and leaving as well. 'what a blunt man he must not have a lot of friends.... Oh There I go again judging I should really quit'. I seem to be filled with excitement though. Meeting new people is a rush I haven't had the pleasure of feeling in a while. I feel myself smiling all the way home.