#but alas it is done and I will post it xD

[theladyyavilee]

we were running out through the storm (through the night)

Or the one where Buck almost kissed Eddie at Chimney's bachelor party and Tommy was there to witness it.

read on AO3

„You almost kissed Eddie last night.” There is no trace of accusation in Tommy’s voice and somehow the words still hit Buck like a slap to the face. The hospital staircase is empty and quiet now in the middle of the night, the bright artificial light giving the moment a surreal quality, and somehow, with everything that happened after, Buck did not see this conversation coming.

(The fear and worry of the last 15 or so hours made it so easy to push the memory down and away, something for future Buck to deal with.

Something for future Buck to figure out how to fix, maybe.)

It’s only been maybe an hour since Buck watched Maddie fall asleep curled into Chimney’s side on his hospital bed, her and Chimney’s hands with their matching gold bands interlocked right over Chimney’s heart and with Chimney looking down at her like he was unable to look away. Clearly feeling like the luckiest man in the world, no matter all the horrors he had to walk through to get here to this moment.

(Only maybe an hour since Buck caught himself thinking this is love, this is what love is supposed to be.

Only maybe an hour since Buck caught himself glancing over at Eddie – curled up in one of the horrible hospital chairs and looking smaller than he should, deeply asleep and with an equally conked out Chris leaning into his shoulder – first, instead of searching out his boyfriend’s eyes and the guilt flooded back into him.)

Looking back he knows there was something in Tommy's eyes when he helped Chimney out of the helicopter and found Buck’s eyes over Maddie’s head as she rushed towards them. A slight hesitation when Buck kissed him in front of everyone that Buck thought was just surprise at the public display in front of Buck’s parents. A flicker of sadness on his face when they swayed to the soft sounds of Islands In the Stream from Hen's phone loudspeaker in Chim's hospital room, before Tommy pulled him close enough to hide his face against the side of Buck's.

But Tommy wasn’t supposed to know, not yet, not until Buck figure out how to tell him.

Because that had never been in question, only the when and how.

Only apparently Tommy already knows.

And Buck feels like there suddenly isn’t enough air in the room to form words.

“I—I didn’t—I didn’t though, Tommy, you have to know I—”

“I know, hey, Evan, I know,” Tommy reassures and his voice is so gentle it makes something ache deep inside Buck’s chest. Maybe this would be easier if Tommy was angry. “I saw your face right after, I know you wouldn’t have done it knowingly, but for a moment there I don’t think you remembered.”

everything else, is—has been—stuck in that space between one breath and the next, flipping through every single visceral snapshot memory impression.

How he had felt terrifyingly sober for just that one moment, before letting himself fall even harder into drunkenness to forget.

That lightning strike realization when he caught on to what he was about to do, when he realized that for a second he had completely forgotten where he was and that he had a boyfriend.

(It had been so different from when he kissed Lucy, because then he had remembered Taylor for every single second of it and kissed Lucy anyways and he’s not sure if that was worse or this is.)

The fact that apparently Tommy was right there and saw that moment play out over Buck’s face? Yeah, that is definitely worse, even if Buck was immediately disgusted at himself.

Because he still almost did it and Tommy saw that too.

read the rest on AO3

[capn-twitchery]

i so badly wanna try doing a meme that i used to see circulating where people would send in one of their ocs + one of yours and you would draw them under the mistletoe

but i can't FIND IT!!!

will have to make my own post smh. have to do everything myself

[cuubism]

I would love to hear about the math verse AU and/or the physical therapy AU and/or Dreamling shibari for the wip game 👀 and no I cannot choose just one! xo @hardly-an-escape

posted a little bit of Math Verse, here's a tiny snippet of Physical Therapy part 9 that i wrote... today, alas there is not much of that chapter yet

--

Even if Hob doesn’t say it aloud, it’s okay. Dream knows that Hob loves him. He shows it. He doesn’t need to say it. Dream’s ex-lover had, after all, said that he loved him frequently. “Come on, you know I love you.” But where had it shown up? That was not love. It was the opposite of love. So he doesn’t need Hob to say it back, it is enough that he— “Hey, Dream?” Hob says, interrupting his thoughts. His smile is warm, successfully banishing any hope of Dream finding his line of thinking again, as sunlight does to shadows. “I love you.”

--

and Shibari, another damn thing that's so close to being finished XD light nsfw

--

This time, when he makes to do so, Dream lets Hob take his shirt off by hand. Hob himself is already shirtless, as he was before, and Dream takes a moment to run his hands down his chest, over his belly, luxuriating in the feeling of his skin. Slow, he thinks. One mistake of last time. Hob kisses the hollow space under his ear, and his jaw, and his throat. He pulls Dream close by his hips so their bellies touch, and he can feel Hob’s arousal pressed against him. Normally Dream takes a more active role in their lovemaking, but this time he lets Hob direct him, tips his head when Hob’s hand goes to his jaw, opens his mouth to Hob’s tongue. Hob takes his time in exploring him, tracing the curves of a now-familiar river, its embankments and erosions. Unbuttons Dream’s jeans without looking, pulls them down and lets Dream balance on him as he steps out of them. So physical, and almost awkward for it, for while Dream is fluid as air in the Dreaming, he always feels just a bit wrong in the waking, liable to disjoint and slip the bounds of his skin, the way dreams can fracture when hit by sunlight. He must concentrate. He must imagine himself a thing of the waking world. But Hob. Hob is a master of his body. He has had so long to learn how to use it, and he has applied it to so many different things in that time. As Dream stands, Hob brings him in close again just by leaning into his space, like he’s pressuring a skittish wild thing, loops him in with one strong hand wrapped around his upper arm. His body is surety and dominance and Dream is utterly in his thrall. When Hob turns him, steps behind him, as he had done last time, Dream is dropping to his knees already before Hob can lay a hand to the back of his neck. Hob’s sharp intake of breath catches in Dream’s chest, and Dream smiles, just a small twitch of the lips in satisfaction. He is in Hob’s thrall, but so is Hob in his, for submission is its own form of power. “You want to be good for me, love?” Hob says, stroking his fingertips up the back of Dream’s neck and into his hair. “Or do you just have something that you want?” “As you say,” Dream says, noncommittally, and delights in Hob grabbing a firm grip of his hair. “That,” Hob says, “is not quite good enough.” Hob pulls his head back, a sharp, firm tug admonishing him for his response. Dream resists automatically and Hob’s grip only tightens. Dream is not so easily overcome by sensation as he was in the immediate aftermath of his escape, the first time he had knelt for Hob. In some ways it has been a disappointment to slide back towards equilibrium. But he sees now that it has its benefits, too. The strength of Hob’s grip in his hair that would then have been too painful to tolerate now sends sparks of pleasured agony through him. Dream’s spine curves. His neck strains. Hob is immovable. It’s instinct to resist his pull, to clutch to station and power and kingship, but when he yields and lets Hob tip his head back, bares his throat, it feels like sinking into a soft bed. Hob will move him and use him but he won’t wrench him apart. And all Dream has to do is… let him. Each letting is an exhale. His eyes flutter shut.

[saltynsassy31]

My part of the Gregaverse Server's first secret senta! AU Belongs to @abunchofraccooons

UAAAAAA Okay, okay, I completely forgot to post this after things got a bit hectic here. XD But alas, here it is! It was a little rushed, but only because I'm currently working in a New Year's drawing, and if I didn't finish this TODAY, I wouldn't have it done in time. fkdkskak

《Okay, sappy time》

This year, a log has happened, and I'll leave that recap for my New years post, but man, I did not expect to be spending Christmas the way I did this year. I don't even know where to start! Well, okay, maybe I do.

Exactly 5 years ago I had to move from my lovely country, Brazil, to Portugal on Christmas eve. We got the chance, and we took it, we left everything behind for this new beginning, only having visited the place for the first time 4 months prior, and although I do not regret our choice to move, I can't help but feel....saudades of my previous life.

I wanted to spend Christmas with them but couldn't, and then the whole, ya know, 2020 happened, and not only was I in a new COUNTRY, but I was completely alone, no family besides my parents and sister. I dreamt of the day I'd have Christmas with my whole family again and... the opportunity was presented, and I couldn't be happier.

I won't go into personal details, but it wasn't perfect, a lot of shitty stuff happaned, especially to my sister, but we powered through, together with my cousin, it wasn't completely awful and I think this will be quite the memorable holiday we speak of years to come, not to mention I found out that one of my uncles that came here was a wanted criminal 🫣 but yeah.

As the day comes to a close, I can't help but reflect on things, Christmas isn't over for me, we are still going to do one more celebration when we return home with just us 4 and although it isn't as magical as people describe it, it never really was for me, but it was memorable and I'm finally starting to feel...Okay

[retellingthehobbit]

Thanks to everyone for reading the latest chapter! :_; I’m still getting around to replying to comments but ahhh!!!! Thank you all !!!!

There will be a next chapter of The Hobbit Comic, but I can already tell you 100 percent for certain that it will absolutely Not come out by next month XD. I am not even sure if it will be done by March. That is both good news (the next chapter will be long, heartfelt, and elaborate) but also bad news (things that are long, heartfelt, and elaborate take time to paint-- alas!)

But yay, thank you all, and I can’t wait to post the next chapter…….eventually!

[tomato-bird-art]

SF ZINEFEST 2024! Some pictures from the San Francisco Zinefest last week! I had a wonderful time, and it was SUPER busy! thanks everyone who swung by to pick up prints and zines from me, I really appreciate it. It was really heartening to see people enjoy my art and remember me from over the years—I’ve had a very busy year and not as much time to “be an artist” as I’d like, so it was very invigorating to be around other queer artists again in a dedicated and enthusiastic space. When online a lot, you tend to forget how it is to be around art in person, and this was a great reminder of it—also every year, I’m always excited to see the beautiful outfits and fashion of the attendees! Someday I’ll dress up more special, but alas it’s just work and apron for me XD

I also finally got to meet longtime mutual and incredible artist @megamoth in person, and got a copy of their Devilman zine series here I contributed to some years ago! Here’s a pic with a cool itabag as well.

This year, I debuted a few new works:

“Fujo X-Ray Visions”

is a collection of personal comics from the past year I’ve been posting here and on Patreon, mostly about trying to balance life as a cartoonist and as someone pursuing some new career experiences in the healthcare field. Like “Voids and Visions” before it, there’s a bunch of personal stuff and angsting along with regular goofiness.

It’s available now both as a physical zine, as well as a digital download!

“If All The World Were Mine!”

My collection of artwork and comics I’ve done for my medieval rpf side account, @angevinyaoiz over the past couple years. It’s a mix of some serious historical illustrations, goofy cartoons, and nsfw works. It’s probably one of the most “niche” things I’ve ever made or gotten into as of late, but I’m happy for the audience who has appreciated my work over the past several months. It’s available currently as a physical zine purchase on storenvy, and I’m planning on making an expanded digital zine version available later—fill out this form to be notified!

“Best Yaoi Movies of 20th Century Hollywood”

In this collaborative project I did with my friend @titilvating, in the style of classic cut and paste, copied zines, we offer our takes on 19 movies made before the year 2000. Many are acclaimed classics; some are underrated gems.  We made this zine to both introduce folks to the richness possibilities of classic movies; whether longtime cinephiles familiar with queer subtexts,  or young fujos looking for more material to sink their yaoifangs into.  Our sample size caters to our personal tastes rather than “good representation” and reflects a fraction what’s out there, with a focus on western US/European media, but hopefully can serve as a fun introduction and celebration. Old movies are a lotta fun, who would’ve thought?

It’s available now as a free digital download, but contact me if you’re interested in a physical edition as well!”

Other Works:

My print version of “The Sons of God” was very well received! I realized sometimes giving little titles to print pieces make for great conversation starters, and I got to chat a lot about my inspirations for the respective pieces. Grab a physical print here!

Ending Thoughts

Overall, I’m glad I got to meet lots of people this year and also pick up lots of zines! I didn’t have a chance to really browse this time around since it was so busy, but I got to trade a lot with folks and also pick up some cool zines and stickers myself.

For those who’d like to keep up with what I’m doing, follow me here, on Patreon, either as a member or free-follower, since I tend to post my sketches/WIPs there first. For me now, it’s back to the grind of school and also continuing creative projects. I have a lot of stuff I dream of doing, and it’s always a challenge to balance that with what needs to get done. If I learned anything from this event, it’s how valuable it is to connect with people in the real world art space (Something I always learn and forget like every few months.)…also, always bring water and snacks—can never be TOO prepared!

Wishing you all a good autumn,

-Allie

[eorzeashan]

Hey! I saw a post where you said Eight and Koth dated. *shocked* So I was wondering if you could do a post on Eight's love life 👀

Looks like everyone's got similar questions on their minds. XD @magicallulu7 Koth's relationship will be in the middle if you want to skip to it, but I've decided to summarize a few more to answer the full question (excluding the more questionable villains with which he's had dalliances with this time since I feel they've gotten enough spotlight). Without further ado....

Eight's (Not-So) Complicated Love Life:

Shara Jenn/Watcher 2

Shara, Shara, Shara. What agent doesn't share some sort of relationship with her, working or otherwise? For Eight, she might've been his first bout of feelings--feelings that he never acted on or acknowledged deeply enough, but ones that did make both of them realize that he admired her. She would've called it a compromise of a good agent. He would've pretended not to hear her. The thrilling part was that he was never ashamed or unabashed about his affection, and would never forget to show it to her either, whether in the workplace or somewhere more intimate. One could call him attached, but she knew better. Someone like Eight could never hold such a weakness, or so she falsely assumed. Perhaps the truth of it was too bitter a pill to swallow.

Time and time again, he's come at her request or her aid without really examining why; all he knows is that she's someone he always wants to look out for, the same way he does the Minister. Her and Keeper were Intelligence to him, and Intelligence was his family. He sold his soul to Jadus to keep her safe, even when she saw it as a betrayal of what she'd fought for, and that was the turning point in their relationship. Though Eight's care for her is unconditional and deeply loyal, the things they've left unsaid between each other--and themselves-- have slowly fractured the relationship they once had.

2. Koth Vortena

Excitement and a whirlwind romance sum up these two. Freshly out of carbonite and curious about Zakuulan culture, Koth was a whole new world to Eight, and the gentle, roguish touch that he'd seemed to been sorely lacking his whole life. The Alliance brought them closer together on more than one occasion, but it was the introduction of Koth being....Koth, a new element in a sea of familiar faces, that pulled Eight into his arms. It was sweet, young, fresh, and wide open. Things that being an agent just didn't ever bring to the table. People like Koth weren't a dime a dozen, and even rarer did they ever cross Eight's path. One could call him a bit shallow for gaining interest purely out of the need to gather intel on Zakuul from their resident Zakuulan, but it was done with genuine, honest intent from Eight. The smooching and cute pet names were....an unintended consequence of that.

In some ways, they were both innocent and a bit naive in certain ways to one another. Eight with his eccentric and antisocial habits, and Koth with his lack of exposure to others from other worlds. The other was a big adventure to them, and it showed, with the two often sneaking out to eat Zakuulan night market foods without notifying Alliance personnel. Though an unlikely pair at first glance, Eight's quiet nature contrasted strongly with Koth's vibrancy, and it was as they say: opposites attract. Koth loved him for his strength and bravery among other "adorable" traits that Eight denied existed, and Eight adored Koth's warmth and adventurous, open nature that seemed like everything he wasn't.

Alas, the latter sentiment spelled misfortune for the lovers, as Eight's hands grew bloodier from the war with Zakuul and their relationship began to feel the strain of it. Eight's thoughts that Koth came from another world entirely--a normal life with light and love and honesty--began to weigh him down heavily the more the fighting progressed, as he'd done nothing but kill his people and escalate the violence in service of the Alliance. Eight would never deny that he was a weapon made to kill, and that the world he hailed from was one that Koth and their relationship could not survive. He feared that Koth would see his true colors as unbending, bloodied steel made to cut down enemies and allies alike, and that Koth would reject him in disgust, as the Alliance had begun to. Day by day, their relationship descended into cold silence, as Eight slowly shut him out.

Koth tried to understand, pleaded for him to stay, that they could work it out together if he only let him help him--but Eight was not ready, and his heart trembled at the thought of such vulnerability. They left with incensed words and half-assed goodbyes that only left Koth with confused thoughts and dark emotions.

That's not to say their breakup ended their friendship entirely. Koth, to this day, retains his affections for Eight and calls him those silly petnames, if just to see the smile on his face again. Not being together hardly stops them from sharing the same close touch they had when they were and the occasional lingering glances, but hey, Koth is confident he doesn't need to be kissing Eight to show how much he cares. Just the way the world works, as he might say.

3. Rass Ordo

The newest in the line of Eight's love interests is the stunning Mandalorian, Rass. In some ways, he reminds Eight of Koth--playful and witty, with the addition of being a strong warrior, something an Echani such as he is privy to. Strength of character and heart are big factors when it comes to Eight's attraction, and it's just a bonus that he's quite nice on the eyes as well. Their relationship is still in the early budding stages, but they've shared more than a few moments in the heat of battle--or as they call it, the Echani and Mando love language.

Rass is attentive and sweet. Eight doesn't feel as if he has to hide anything from him, and their similar cultures makes him feel at home when he's by his side. Strangely enough, he feels compelled to fire back when the other flirts, like they're in one big battle dance with one another. Only time will tell where it takes them, and whether they're more than bursts of adrenaline in each other's veins.

[esmeislewd]

You posted an ice cream dripping down your mouth pic?!? We need more 😂

As for the edging…that’s a good girl 😘 keep it up. Maybe I’ll let you finish in a few…lbs 😉

I think the all day staying stuffed exercise is a good one! Trains your brain to crave that feeling.

Date day this weekend: I really want to take you to a buffet and just bring you plate after plate until you can feel your chair crying for help. Once you tap out I’ll waddle you to the soft serve machine and have you sit under it and just fucking take all that sweet sugary goodness down your subby throat directly from the spout 🥰 once we’re done there we’re going to the mall where I’ll show you off a bit with some tight clothes, drag you around because you do need SOME exercise after all 😉 possibly a salty pretzel to balance out that ice cream. I’ll let you rest on the way home but we will grab some fast food for dinner, maybe a milkshake. Then I take you inside and oil up your body, starting with your tired feet I’ll massage you while you eat those 3 meals we picked up on the way home. Slowly I’ll get you worked up and edging until you can’t take it but I’ll say “shhhh, not until we hit your goal for the week, piggy”

-I don’t have to sign this I bet, you already know who it is 😉 I know I’m one of your favorites aren’t I 😈

I did have a few more pics but most of them would get my account banned because I did it naked to avoid making a mess of my clothes XD The only non actually explicit one I had got hidden by tumblr alas.... T_T

But gosh wow.....that sounds like a truly wonderful date~ I absolutely love the idea of being made to show off in public. Pushed to eat an ungodly amount of food for the amusement/arousal/shock of onlookers before being force fed directly from a soft serve machine. A humiliating conclusion to an impressive dinner. Then not stopping as I'm taken shop to shop barely able to waddle as I pant and sweat from my overfilled body as my feeder's work is put on display for all to see. Then finally at home getting treated and soothed and fed again when I've finally had a chance to recover, I'm fed again. Continually pushed to my limit to keep me as full as possible to maximise my gains.

Otherwise I'll never get the release from my edge if I don't meet the lofty goals set for me

[aeternallis]

I think one of the things that fascinates me the most about Kim is his lack of morality, especially when it comes to his pursuit of Chay post-break up? 🤔 And also during/post-confession scene?

Probably an unpopular opinion (?) that’ll get me cancelled, but like—he was one of the first and only people in the show to insinuate a possible blood relation with the Kittisawasds before the attic sister reveal, lol Even if he had meant it as a joke and only Big heard of his suspicions, knowing how his brain works, he must’ve considered it within the realm of possibility, at least. Half cousins is still incest, alas alas. XD

So I can’t help but think as to how Kim would have acted towards Chay had there been an actual blood relation between Korn and Nampheung, yknow? Would he have tried to fight his growing feelings for Porchay a bit harder? Would he have thought it pointless? Would the truth have been revealed earlier, perhaps? How would Chay have reacted, had he known? He’s already had a romantic inclination (at least to Wik) long before he actually met Kim, so how would that have changed their trajectory, if at all?

Because ngl, the way I view Kim’s character, I don’t think this would have been a roadblock for him in falling in love w/ Chay. Not in the way it would have been as we see with Porsche and Kinn’s reaction later on, I think. Although in that same vein, Kim (again, imo) would have probably done his best to shield this info from Chay, in order to keep their romantic relationship.

Idk, it’s just a fun little thought experiment I can’t help but dabble in sometimes: the potential incestuous direction KinnPorsche and KimChay could have taken.

And I'll admit, the reason why I'm just running my mouth atm is cuz I'm working on a fic that explores this idea, at least in passing. But since I'm just running my mouth atm, maybe I'll do a deep dive about this one day~

[putschki1969]

hey puts, the captain of kalafina fandom XD i came across this instagram post which i think its talking about backstage stuff about wakana circulating in 2-chan. this is the post https://www.instagram.com/p/Bvy3CuchT-D/ can you share your thoughts about it ? or maybe you can help us what are they actually talking about since we can only use google translate.

Hello there, anon!

Ugh, you are throwing me a curve-ball here, I did not expect to get a question like this. Already feeling exhausted just thinking about writing my reply T_T

That Instagram post is from spring 2019, a - what I consider to be - particularly dark period in the Kalafina fandom. Wakana was in the midst of preparing for her first grand-scale solo tour after her official solo debut and Space Craft finally put their act together by releasing an official statement regarding Kalafina's state of limbo. In an attempt to put an end to a lot of uncertainty/speculation and to create a clear distinction between Kalafina and Wakana's solo activities, they declared a definitive disbandment. As you can imagine, everyone and their mother had something to say about that. Even Yuki Kajiura, Hikaru and Keiko made statements in response. All of this caused a lot of backlash against Space Craft and particularly towards Wakana herself. The fact that Wakana was still with Space Craft and dared to not address the announcement of Kalafina's disbandment with a statement of her own made many so-called fans very angry and disappointed - totally unwarranted of course.

Suddenly, there was an influx of certain internet trolls who got a real kick out of blaming and villainising Wakana, they made her into the bad guy and came up with a bunch of wild theories that mainly served the purpose of dragging Wakana's name and image through the mud. Needless to say, none of those claims were in any way, shape or form substantiated but as is the case with all negative content on the internet, it drew quite a bit of attention and some people even started buying into that bullshit. The Instagram user you linked to in your ask is a textbook example of one such troll. At that time, a handful of sock puppet accounts were created to feed into the smear campaign against Wakana. Those accounts regularly left nasty comments under Wakana's Instagram posts, pretending to be devastated fans and referring to all sorts of horrible things that Wakana had allegedly done. Most of those posts and accounts got rightfully flagged and suspended but some apparently managed to stay around for a while. They tried to continue their toxic behaviour but once they realised that Wakana's loyal fans would not stand for such horrible defamation tactics, most of them just disappeared again.

As for the information supposedly circulating on 2chan, I honestly give little to no credence to anything that is being said on anonymous text-boards like 2chan or its successor 5chan. As much as the Japanese are known for being overly polite and reserved, they can be incredibly nasty when they are allowed to act anonymously. I reckon about 10% of users who frequently post on these types of text-boards are actually decent human beings. 60% of them are either mentally handicapped, bored out of their minds or simply frustrated with their lives. The remaining 30% are scum of the earth sociopaths as far as I am concerned.

In order to do some research for this post, I went through a few old threads about Wakana containing hundreds upon hundreds of messages. I literally felt my brain cells dying with every new message I read. No idea how others manage to subject themselves to this level of stupidity but I really struggle to tolerate it. Out of curiosity, I would have liked to find a "source" for the specific accusations in that Instagram post but alas, I wasn't able to. There's just no way I can go through everything, sorry. Also, I will not dignify any of these messages or that Instagram post with a proper translation.

Believe me when I say that there is no incriminating material on Wakana out there, these people have zero authentic evidence (photo or otherwise) of her being a "stuck-up bitch", of her "mistreating staff members", of her "bashing Hi/Kei" etc. It's all just a ton of made-up gossip and rubbish. Everyone, please do yourself a favour and just ignore content like this when you come across it. Knowing what those people have to say does not add any value to your life, quite the contrary, it will only poison your brain.

That's honestly all I have to say about this topic.

[oveliagirlhaditright]

Yesterday, I had a dream that Angel was helping Buffy put out arson (during season seven? Or post-season seven when she's training the new Slayers?). But, like, Giles and Xander are convinced that he's the one setting the fires for some reason and that she should just stake him. And I think some of the new Slayers are, too. And Buffy's like, "That's ridiculous. And anyone who comes after Angel has to go through me first."

And since I'm sharing that dream, I guess I might as well mention some of the other Bangel (and Bangelus) dreams I've had that I haven't mentioned on this site yet. LOL Edit: Though before this dream became season seven or post-series, I was dreaming about season 1 stuff, and that there were episodes that very few people had gotten to see--because the network didn't like them as much or airing networks didn't like them as much, and I guess I was getting to see them.

...

There was this one where Angel had died, I think (probably after Not Fade Away), but there was a chance for him to come back. But The Powers That Be were wondering why anyone would even want that. And first Dawn, and then Buffy, were listing off all of his accomplishments as a Champion and what he had done for everyone as reasons. And I think Dawn in particular, as the Key, thought that if they didn't revive him, she could do it herself, with her Key powers (like, the dream was mostly Buffy listing Angel's accomplishments and wanting him back [though there was a little of Dawn doing so, too], but then Dawn basically being like, "Don't worry, sis, if they're still butts after all of this and won't help you, I've got your back.").

...

One was Buffy and Angel patrolling together around Christmas time... and for the occasion, Buffy decided to dress up like Santa Claus (without the beard). XD. And Giles was worried that Buffy might have trouble getting to her stake in time, and things like that, in that ensemble (though Buffy insisted that she was good), and Angel assured him that if that happened, he had her covered. LOL

...

And essentially, I had one where Buffy and Angel were in front of Sabrina Spellman's mirror, that was there before every episode of "Sabrina the Teenage Witch,"--that showed what outfit Sabrina would be in that episode. This one was really fun, and there were some hijinks there! I wish I remembered it more, but alas!

...

This one is a Bangelus one: Angelus is pretending to be Angel, and he and Buffy are together, and she's pregnant (I don't know if there's some prophecy about this, like maybe part of the reason Angelus is doing this, or not). Angelus might also be working for Wolfram & Hart in this dream, and is having his minions constantly watch Buffy to keep her and the baby safe... and she knows she's being tailed, and it annoys her to no end. And, of course, she eventually finds out that it's Angelus and sparks fly... and it's about this time that I woke up, and I kind of wish I hadn't, because I'd like to know where it would have gone.

But, anyway.

Edit: There was also one one time, where I was dreaming I was showing Buffy to my real life friend who's never seen the show: and it was an episode that doesn't exist (season one), where Angel was helping Buffy early on (before she knew he was a vampire). It was cool, and flirty (and Buffy was getting the biggest crush on Angel). I wish I remembered more about it, but it was cute.

[theladyyavilee]

after thinking about it all day now I am insane enough to make it into an actual post, sorry for just copypasting my own tags, but alas xD

this was in response to this post about how buck probably didn't even realize at first how close tommy and he were standing, because him and eddie always stand this close which SO FUCKING TRUE, I just spiralled a little frome there

#but do you also think that NOW the next time he DOES stand this close to eddie he will notice?#DO YOU THINK NOW THAT HE KNOWS HOW CLOSE CLOSE IS AND HOW EASY IT IS TO BRIDGE THAT DISTANCE#HE WILL ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS BE AWARE OF EDDIE BEING THIS CLOSE TOO AND HAVE A TINY PART OF HIMSELF WAITING FOR EDDIE TO REACH IN THE SAME#WAY TOMMY DID BECAUSE REALLY ISN'T THAT THE LOGICAL CONCLUSION TO EASY CLOSENESS LIKE THIS#and like *screams into hands some more* WE KNOW that eddie steps in super close next episode#we know he touches buck#and it isn't the chin it is his shoulder and hip#but really that only makes it more insane#and maybe eddie isn't thinking anything of it because they HAVE always done this THIS IS WHAT THEY DO#they have always stepped close and sought out each other's bodies and touched and just generally had a pull towards each other#but on god I cannot see a world where now buck isn't aware of it in a totally new way#do you think eddie steps close and reaches out to touch him and buck flashes back to tommy stepping close#do you think the feeling of fingers on his chin and fingers on his neck start to blur?#do you think he feels eddie's grip on his hip and for just a second he wonders if there is gonna be a pull that pulls him in unexpectedly#the way that tommy gently pulled his chin towards him? how it was both unexpected and something that he had secretly deep down been hoping#for and been TRYING to provoke by stepping closer himself by swaying closer by stepping in#do you think that for just a moment all of these things blur for buck?#and that has never happened before but HOW are you supposed to ever forget now that you have these new associations#and you have to realize that oh maybe they are not so different from what I have always had#how do you deal with that? with how suddenly suddenly something you have always had has this new meaning and you can't unsee it#but you also can't have it and you have to lock that down because with tommy it already felt like risking everything but in an exhilarting#way#but like this? oh like this the risk is TERRIFYING

the more I am thinking about this the more insane I am feeling? because then I remembered that in the stills from 7x5 we know Eddie has his hand on Buck's side from the way the fabric pulls and EDDIE NEVER TOUCHES BUCK LIKE THAT, he usually only does the shoulder grab! which by itself is insane enough

BUT

BUT THEN

we know from the 7x4 stills that even though we did not quite see it in the episode because of the use of close-ups, tommy too had his hand on Buck's side during the kiss/in the aftermath of the kiss, THE SAME HAND ON THE SAME SIDE VERY LIKELY IN THE SAME SPOT

like? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS KNOWLEDGE OTHER THAN SCREAM?

the fact that they have eddie touch him like this specifically after tommy touched him like this, when he normally doesn't do that? making Eddie mirror Tommy's touch? FUCKING INSANITY

OF COURSE it'll blurr in buck's mind for just a second, there really is no way it doesn't, sensory memory is SO INSANELY STRONG, oh I am going fully insane over this

[raemanzu]

So... I've been basically off tumblr for probably the longest I ever have since I joined in 2011.. lol...

Which is to say, 2-3 months, I think?

Long enough to realize that most of what I missed about tumblr was just a handful of people. So I came back and unfollowed most of the blogs I follow, keeping only my favs. Started working backwards through one of them and it felt really nice.

Life as a working person who's also doing an accelerated online masters program is making it very important for me to manage my time better and also my mental/emotional bandwidth. When I'm not at work wrangling little feral humans or slogging through special education textbooks I'm exercising (weights) 3 times a week and trying to get a garden going with my partner, and the rest of my time goes to RPing blorbos, for morale.

But this week I made bread, twice.

I used to post a lot more random art and personal updates on here, once upon a time, and my favorite blogs/tumblr friends are the ones that still do that, so I think maybe I should try to do simple stuff on here more, not just reblogging stuff... maybe it would help me feel more like a person while using this online space. I'm missing a feeling of community lately.

If you tagged or messaged me anything between now and March I probably missed it, I am lost in the homework anxiety vortex. I know I was tagged in at least one WIP game but I haven't done any creative writing lately, alas! Only a little drawing, and I'm torn on whether to upload it anywhere because of the AI "art" problem.

anyway shout out to @astriiformes, @tearlessrain, @squireofgeekdom, and @neil-gaiman, the main reasons I got back on tumblr tonight xD

[quinloki]

o u o! If we're playing with these I thought I'd share! June Blorbo Ranking (first one i've show anyone besides my bestie XD)

This is about what I was expecting tbh. Luffy always ends up in the top spot so the real ranking starts after him in my mind.

The last few times i've done this i've gotten Cross Guild along the bottom there but Ace knocked Croc outta his spot this time.

I play this on kind of loose criteria, basically "who I like best" but the kind of like depends on the person in question adlfkjas. But ye, thought I'd kick this in for funsies. c:

xD I love that Luffy is basically up there honorarily. He deserves it, it works.

Thank you for sharing your blorbo rankings with me this month =3 \o/ I approve all around, not that you need my stamp or anything 😅

There's no Marco, but alas, considering the ages on most of these guys, I guess you were feeling a little young and energetic XD I think Mihawk is the oldest one there. (Oh hey, we're about to be the same age post-time-skip (I think I'm going to Marco's pre-timeskip age too.))

Hmmm... now my thots are thotting.

Marco/Mihawk... >.> marco/reader/mihawk....

[azems-familiar]

20 questions for fic writers

i was tagged by @voidcat-senket thank you!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

119!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

alright, this is excluding an approximately 470k-word series i orphaned years ago - 2,453,282

3. What fandoms do you write for?

it depends where the hyperfixation takes me, but it's usually going to be mostly star wars; era varies. right now, i'm actively posting for the Jedi: series games, but i also write for the kotor/swtor eras, and i did tcw fic back in the day. other fandoms i've written/posted for are doctor who, mdzs, and i poke at writing things for mass effect and dragon age from time to time, though i've never posted any of those. i've got a couple other fandoms i've dipped into for the purpose of fusions.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

oh boy. all of these are from like, 2019-2020 at LATEST, there's one on here that's from late 2017, but i wrote for a bigger fandom then and none of my good recent stuff will ever take over these spots because it's for smaller fandoms. alas. please do not take any of these as representative of my current fanon opinions XD

do you love me - this one is never leaving that spot. codywan arranged marriage fic from 2019 that is still very popular. i don't like a lot of the fanon tropes and things we used in that fic these days, but it's one of the longest finished fics i have and i can admit the plot was pretty well done. has 3394 kudos. (that's more than i remember.)

tell the world (i'm coming home) - the one where Vader defects during the events of Twilight of the Apprentice. mostly gen. has 2139 kudos

something inside this heart has died (you're in ruins) - codywan fic where Cody is in Kadavo. has the same issues as do you love me, but definitely has some of the best prose that i'd written at the time in it. has 1752 kudos

follow me (and i will bring you home) - i am not linking this one. a reylo fic i wrote back when tlj first dropped, very old and not among my better works whatsoever, but got popular at the time for being a big ship and posting shortly after a new movie. has 1497 kudos

i just wanna keep calling your name (until you come back home) - post-Order 66 codywan dreamsharing fic that i wrote for an exchange back in 2020. it has 1072 kudos

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i used to, and i try to get to them on my smaller fics/fandoms these days, but back when i was writing big tcw fics i got in the habit of not doing it because there were so many it was hard to keep up with, so it's a mixed bag of if i do or not these days. but i see all of them, and they all bring me joy. well, most of them. the ones that don't aren't worth mentioning

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

mmmmm that's a hard one. i tend to prefer angst with a happy ending, or at least a hopeful ending, but back in, idk, 2017? i wrote a rogue one fic based off the song whiskey lullaby that was.... pretty grim, lol.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

lord i have no idea. probably the series i mentioned above that was orphaned? it had a sickeningly sweet ending involving a wedding and a kid for the main pairing, and happy endings for basically every other ship involved.

8. Do you get hate on fic?

sometimes. not often, thankfully, and usually not on AO3 itself, but back in my ffn days i got some, i've gotten a few assholes about stuff before also, and people will sometimes come at me here, but yknow, whatever. i'm used to it by now and i mostly just laugh it off and either ignore it or you get a snarky response

9. Do you write smut?

.....rarely? sometimes? i used to have a hard no policy on it, but i was also raised evangelical with a biiiig taboo on that kind of shit, so i've been slowly working through that and trying to get outside my comfort zone on it for years. i've written a couple smutty things that aren't on AO3, one that is, and i'll be involved in writing smut outtakes for one of my currently-posting series, but i don't tend to enjoy straight up pwp so it'll usually have a character reason for it, or plot. usually.

10. Do you write crossovers?

i do not write crossovers. i do deeply enjoy writing fusions (taking the characters from one franchise and dumping them into the world/plot of the other, but they've always been there). i have a clone wars hunger games au that is still my little baby and a kotor/swtor hp au that is my OTHER baby because it has involved years of work to make the hp universe....functional and not shitty and whatnot.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge, though i've seen a few fics that made me squint suspiciously at them. it's definitely possible that something's been put on wattpad or something without me being made aware, but i don't actively look.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes! the very lovely @anayaghmeya has translated all of my mdzs fics into russian. none of my star wars fics have been, to my knowledge, but i do have an open permissions statement for that sort of thing, so one day it might happen

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

oh yeah, many times. my old tcw fics were cowritten with @thelavenderhimbo; i write a lot of tor era stuff with @ipreferfiction (hiiii beloved) and a little with @sith-shenanigans though none of those have been posted anywhere yet; i'm writing a spyscrapper fic with @dream-of-tanalorr right now, and senket and i are technically cowriting by virtue of posting an RP we're doing to AO3. i like cowriting; when the vibes are good, it works much better for me than doing stuff on my own. i've had it go very badly in the past, but for the most part it tends to work out well

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

i absolutely will not pick one. that being said, the only reason i found my way to fandom at all is Doctor/Rose from Doctor Who, so i feel like i owe them a shout-out for this, lol

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but probably won't?

oh, man, so many things. i really want to eventually finish all my tor-era novelization projects, but realistically those are such huge projects that with the ~mental illness~ it's gonna take a long-ass time if i ever do

16. What are your writing strengths?

these two questions are SUPER hard for me to answer because i deeply struggle with being objective about my own writing. i enjoy writing politics and political intrigue; i'm not so sure if i'm good at it, but i like it. i've been yelled at and informed i need to put "worldbuilding" and "getting deeply into characters' heads" in here as well, so i'm adding it. i like dialogue as well, i find it easier to write than other things, so that's going in here too.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

apparently. lol. ANYWAY i do tend to struggle with combat - sometimes i can really hit it well when it's a strong emotional beat, but writing action scenes that aren't really important for characterization is soooo hard for me i hate it. also, coming up with subplots.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fics?

it.... depends. i used to overuse it, now i rarely do; generally speaking, if it's another language entirely that the POV character understands i'll shift it to italics or some other way of conveying that, if it's one or two words scattered in the meaning should be understandable via context and i'll provide translations at the end. i only rarely use non-English words if the character can't understand what's being said.

19. First fandom that you wrote for?

the first fandom i posted fic for was Doctor Who. back when i was a kid and didn't know what fandom was or what fanfic was, i wrote a few paragraphs of a story set in the Eragon universe, lol

20. Favorite fic you've written?

i've got a couple i want to put shout outs to in here. war has let this age begin (it's where we've gone and where they've been) is my dramatization of my Revan's Mandalorian Wars and i'm still really proud of it after 2 years; it was the first solo-written longfic i'd finished in quite a while, and i'm very attached to my Revan and everything i did with it. i really like this mdzs fic, he said, son, can you play me a memory that i wrote last year. and of course in terms of recent stuff: i HAVE to mention do you taste my pain in this bloodstained place for the amount of worldbuilding and plotting davi and i have done on it - it's the spyscrapper Bad Ending villain pov fic that breaks off from canon partway through Jedi: Survivor.

tags: @thelavenderhimbo @ipreferfiction @dream-of-tanalorr @darthsassacre @prowlingthunder and anyone else who wants to do this, feel free to use this as a tag! (io, i tagged you above for things, if you want to do it you Can but i know you don't usually do tag games so i'm not tagging you down here)

[ickmick]

Inktober days 6-10 <3

so... I said that doc drawing would be in this one, but it's not! I totally forgot... but it'll be in next week's post LOL

everything is under the cut since this'll be a long post! enjoy, and happy spooky month!

oh, and heres last weeks post!

I only list the prompts I used that day, here's the key for acronyms n such;

wh = welcome home

hc = hermitcraft (I have 2!)

ink = official inktober

gore = goretober

(actual gore will be triggerwarned! so far none has any blood or violence!)

Day 6

hc: moon

this is 100 percent another self indulgent jump! my first full attempt at drawing pearl! I love her! Ive done some doodles for the traffic series before, but thats about it. I didn't finish that pose here... but maybe after october!

Day 7 (VAUGE GORE WARNING)

hc: explosion

gore: gutspill

this was a very low spoons day! I think the little cat (me!) explosion is funny though. for some reason I can't get a great picture for this one, but erm... I tried lol

I also didnt really draw anything actually all so gorey, but the sketch implications are there, so I put the warning still!

Day 8

hc: outfit swap

I was also going to include the group/team prompt, but alas, my spoons! dear mumbo did not get a spot on this day... I also kept the features vauge because I just wanted to have fun with the clothes fit XD

(can you see the buttercup flowers? those aren't swapped, haha... I love the buttercups !! )

Day 9

hc: first hermit watched / food (?)

gore: posion (sorta of!)

Ive watched Grian from the Olden™ build tutorial/battle era and rps with Sam and Taurtis! he holds an important role in my childhood/creative life, and has continued to inpire me :D

also, it's very funny to me that I drew the silly bit, and then the next day watched his deck out wk 3 video only to cackle as he says the line! "Grian will remember that" funny timing...

Day 10

hc: fav hermit friendship / fav group/duo

life: insanity (uh oh)

the buttercups!! mumbo is so out of place here, but I was first just doing some good old desertduo, before remembering the tall spoon was already left out two days before! I couldn't possibly do it again, so I drew a happy buttercup Mumbo <3

is he a vampire? a gargoyle, perhaps? some other creature? who knows! not me, that's for sure! but I do know he has little fangs and slightly pointed ears!

(I-dont-love-that-thats-the-last-one-but-its-fine-lmao)

I Talked so unbelievably much this time! oops! :3

as I said last week, I'll be coming back at the end of october to pick doodles/sketches to finish/polish! so let me know if theres one youd like to see me come back to!

now to return to my foresty cave until next Sunday! /j

week three, week fours, week 5.1s, and the last post (5.2)!