#but also the chapter where inner!ash ends up asking if he wants to go back to that cold dark place again i cant stop thinking about it

[andrewmoocow]

Steven Universe Snake Eyes chapter 11: The Ultimate Fusion (originally published on November 6, 2023)

AN: Happy tenth anniversary to Steven Universe. For my anniversary present, I bestow upon thee the penultimate chapter of not just Steven Universe: Snake Eyes, but also the entirety of Steven Universe: Alternate Future. It truly is a pain to let this story go after three years, but as a wise man once said, all good things must come to an end. With the plotline involving the development and redemption of Black Rutile now come full circle, it's time we finally address Steven's relationship with the Diamonds before they go off and save the universe from a planet-eating snake demon. It's going to take an awful lot of work to forgive beings as powerful as the Diamonds, but if Steven was able to accept Black Rutile's apology, then anything is possible, right?

Synopsis: In a last-ditch effort to save all reality, the Diamonds must fuse together in order to stand a chance. However, Steven still has some baggage with the other Diamonds to deal with.

Cast:

Zach Callison as Steven

Patti LuPone as Yellow Diamond

Lisa Hannigan as Blue Diamond

Christine Ebersole as White Diamond, Gem

Noël Wells as Black Rutile

Samantha Newark as The Lapidarist

Estelle as Garnet

Michaela Dietz as Amethyst

Deedee Magno-Hall as Pearl

Grace Rolek as Connie

Jennifer Paz as Lapis

Shelby Rabara as Peridot

Uzo Aduba as Bismuth

Kimberly Brooks as Jasper

Lauren Ash as White Topaz

Matthew Moy as Lars

Zach Steel as Ronaldo

Atticus Shaffer as Peedee

Ron Perlman as Inner Steven

Aurelio Voltaire as King Cobralan Jormagundr

Jason Marsden as Prince Nosiop Jormagundr

Shirley Millner as Queen Constricta Jormagundr

Cissy Jones as Princess Naja Jormagundr

Keith David as Pyth

Henry Rollins as Captain Boa

Kari Wahlgren as Envyrno

Nicole Sullivan as Sylvia Spectre

Peter Cullen as Titanium

Steve Blum as Sheriff Spiegel

Dominic Armato as Captain Gearfeet

Wally Wingert as Rigby Starglow

Ray Porter as Squamata

Tim Curry as Velhallen Beo

Featuring Elton John as Stars

Weird Al Yankovic as Stevaldo

And Jack Black as Rutilated Quartz

--

Steven was still processing what he had heard earlier. Him fusing with the Diamonds? Perish the thought! Sure, he was always up for helping others, even former enemies. Still, after all that the Diamonds had done to him, his family, and most of the known universe, it was way more challenging for Steven to accept that they were coming to him for help rather than him coming to them. He needed some time to think about this while everyone was preparing for the final battle with Squamata.

"So now they want my help after all they've done to me?" Steven angrily muttered to himself while pacing around the throne room. "Oh sure, I've allowed Black Rutile to repent, but it's going to take more than just saying sorry to make up for thousands of years' worth of genocide!"

"Problems, Steven?" Inner Steven asked from within Steven's mind. "Frankly, I'm quite surprised that those Diamonds are asking you for help for once instead of you asking them. And they couldn't have picked a worse time to do it, too."

"And now I have to fuse with them in order to save the universe!" Steven agreed with his darker half. "While I'm more than happy to find a way to stop Squamata once and for all, I'm not sure how this can work, given all my baggage!"

"Worst case scenario, the fusion fails astronomically, and we all die." Inner Steven proclaimed. "Just being realistic here. But then again, no one ever listens to the darker impulses of the self. And speak of the devil. Look who it is!"

Just then, Black Rutile stepped into the throne room, obviously still adjusting to her reforming into a Crystal Gem after sacrificing herself to protect Steven. In addition to the blank spot where her diamond symbol once was now being filled by the star of a Crystal Gem, Black Rutile's cape was now replaced with an all-white trenchcoat with pink details and a star on the back, dark gray trousers, and her original green visor to replace her red one.

"Hello again, Steven." Black Rutile awkwardly greeted. "It's me again, Black Rutile. I always come back and all that. Something the matter?"

"Go ahead; I'm sure you can trust her now." Inner Steven advised while figuratively shoving Steven towards his former enemy. "If you want to go quickly, go alone. If you want to go far, go together."

"So, Black Rutile, how are you adjusting to things?" Steven asked Black Rutile.

"I'm slow to adjust, like always." Black Rutile replied. "Love the new look, though. So, you have to fuse with the Diamonds to save reality, huh?"

"Exactly." Steven added sourly. "You know how fusions must involve total cooperation between its components to stay fused? Yeah, I don't think that's possible between me and the Diamonds."

"I can totally understand where you're coming from." Black Rutile stated. "I felt utterly betrayed by the Diamonds, too, but if they could give me a second chance, then surely you can do the same to them!"

"But you're different!" Steven exclaimed to his now-former enemy. "You were at least able to recognize that you hurt me and are working to make amends for that. They're focusing more on everybody else they hurt and always act like they've been friends with me from the beginning!"

"You're kind of vindicating one of the reasons I hated you right now." Black Rutile snarked. "The universe doesn't have to revolve around you, you know! You have to consider everyone else in this world, too!"

"Yeah, maybe I can be selfish, but at least I don't have an entire planet forced to worship me, or else they'll die!" Steven argued. "Why can't they just focus on what they did to me for once?!"

"Because it's not as simple as you think, Steven." Black Rutile stated with her arms folded. "This kind of stuff gets messy, and everybody's got issues, especially the Diamonds." She then looked down at where her diamond symbol used to be, nostalgically reminiscing on her time as a member of White Diamond's court. "And sometimes, they screw up. But that doesn't mean they won't just pretend like it didn't happen." Black Rutile offered a tender pat on Steven's shoulder. "Try to cut the Diamonds some slack. They may not always get it right, but they're trying. That's more important than you think."

"Wait, I think I got an idea!" Steven exclaimed in realization while he ignored Black Rutile. "What if I don't need to fuse with the Diamonds to save us all?!"

"You have got to be kidding me." Black Rutile grumbled with a facepalm. "Okay, fine, let's see whatever harebrained scheme you have, I guess."

--

"I admire that you made me take time out of my schedule to bring me here, Steven, but what is this for?" the Lapidarist asked as she sat in front of Steven, Black Rutile, Lars, and Ronaldo at the abandoned Ouraborium. "Whatever you have planned, please make this quick. We are preparing for war."

"Listen, Miss Lapidarist, I know we don't have much time, but I want to show you some alternatives to fusing with the Diamonds." Steven announced.

"It's his way of saying he's not ready to fuse with them yet because of his leftover baggage." Black Rutile snarked before Steven pushed her aside and then turned to Lars.

"She raises a good point, you know." Lars agreed with Black Rutile. "You can't just ignore your feelings about someone like that!"

"No, no, I bet people have wanted to see this for a while." Ronaldo said as Steven took Lars's hand and the two fused into a tall, pink-skinned man with crazy, 1970s-styled hair and dressed like he was the leader of a lonely hearts club.

"Oh, my stars!" the newly formed fusion of Steven and Lars gasped in amazement with a British accent. "Hey, that sounds like a pretty good name! That reminds me, I wanna test something." With a loud yell, Stars created a portal he jumped into, with another allowing him to land on the Lapidarist's shoulder. "Pretty impressive how I'm thinking with portals, eh?" He then summoned a large bass guitar from his hair to swing through the air like a sword before crashing down onto the ground with a big 'TWANG!'

"So cool!" Ronaldo cheered. "Do me next, do me next!"

"Okay, love, don't get so impatient." Stars laughed before un-fusing into Lars and Steven, who gave Ronaldo a high-five before the two merged into an equally tall man who was very bizarrely dressed, fitting Ronaldo's eclectic interests, with outrageously curly hair.

"Whoa, I look so stupid!" the fusion of Steven and Ronaldo laughed jokingly. "Wait, I am Stevaldo! I dare to be stupid!"

"Guys, where are you?" Peedee called for Steven and Ronaldo as he entered the arena. "The Gems want everybody together to stop the Lapidarist. Don't keep us-"He stopped himself immediately upon seeing Stevaldo in front of him with a big goofy grin as he began playing the accordion. "What just happened?"

"Check it out, Peedee, it's me, Ronaldo!" Stevaldo eagerly said. "I fused with Steven, and it feels super cool! Check out what I can do!" With his fingers to his temples, Stevaldo manipulated the rocks beneath him and used them to form a message saying, 'I AM STEVALDO!' "Pretty cool, huh?!"

"So when are you going to fuse with me?" Peedee asked.

"Maybe when he realizes he's using fusion to get out of making amends with the Diamonds." Black Rutile answered with a smirk. "But what do I know?"

"Is this true, Steven?" the Lapidarist wondered as Steven un-fused with Ronaldo. "Are you that uncomfortable around the Diamonds?"

"Yes, you got me, I am uncomfortable." Steven confessed. "I'm happy that we were able to convince them to heal all the corrupted Gems, a little easier than I thought, but that still doesn't distract from the fact that they were this way because of the Diamonds to begin with! And that's not even getting into how their treatment of Pink led to the rebellion, which led to so many lives being ended over thousands of years!"

Steven resisted the urge to cry as he poured his feelings out until the Lapidarist patted him on the head with her giant hand. "There there, Steven." She calmed him down. "Forgiveness and compassion shall always take time. So until the time comes for everyone to apologize, it's best to remain optimistic. In the meantime, you should be helping your friends save the universe."

"You're right." Steven sighed in resignation. "I can't dance around this any longer."

--

"Okay, everyone, double time, we ain't got much left to do here!" Amethyst yelled as she gave orders to all the members of the army of Gems, humans, Slytherophidians, Metals, and other assorted creatures from across the universe, all vastly different but still united against a familiar foe who desired nothing more than to destroy everything he saw. Friends, families, planets, and even entire galaxies were all in danger of being consumed by this mad god and his heralds. "Come on people, let's go go go!"

"Already got all the Gems ready!" Lapis declared with the Little Homeworld Gems behind her. "You ready, guys?!"

"YEAH!" the Little Homeworld Gems all cheered in reply.

"So this is it." Envyrno proclaimed. "These are the end times."

"At least we all had fun while we lasted." Sylvia Spectre answered sweetly as she contacted her superiors at the Coalition of Galaxies to assist in the final battle. "Now then, are you ready to help others for once?"

"Guess I got no other choice." Envyrno responded with a smirk.

"In any war, there are calms between storms. There will be days when we lose faith." Titanium gave a rousing speech to the other Metals. "But there are also days when a few brave souls unite to save the universe. We can be heroes in our own lives, every one of us, if we only have the courage to try. Now, we must take strength in kindred spirits, not of our species, all true warriors. If not in body, then in spirit. I am Titanium of the Metals, and I send this to the fearsome Squamata. Leave this universe alone. Because we're coming for you."

"Rigby, it's been an honor meeting you." Captain Gearfeet said to Rigby Starglow with a grin. "Say, can you sign my arm? I want to prove to my crew that I was lucky enough to meet you!"

"Okay, you got me." Rigby smirked as he took out a pen and wrote his signature on Gearfeet's cybernetic arm. "Who knows? Maybe we'll run into each other again someday."

"One last call before the apocalypse, everyone!" Sheriff Spiegel said while passing around a flask of alcohol to Deputy Edward, Monty, S-L1M3, Lady Imagineer, the Decimator, Earthos, and Michelle Angelon. "Anybody care for a sip?"

"I'm good." Jasper said as she turned to White Topaz. "Now, are you sure you're comfortable having to work alongside you-know-who again, dear? If you want, I can poof her again."

"No, don't be such a worrywart, honey." White Topaz said before kissing her girlfriend on the cheek. "If she says she wants to change, I trust her with all my heart. Besides, if it weren't for her, I wouldn't be wearing this sick number." She did a twirl to show off her new reformed outfit, now a black wrestling singlet with a big white star on her chest. "You like it?"

"Really fits you." Jasper said before she saw Steven and Black Rutile reunite with the others. "Steven! I've been wondering where you ran off to."

"Is everything alright?" Pearl asked. "We know you're a little uncomfortable around the Diamonds, but we're also aware that you really don't have a choice in the matter. If you're ready to talk with them, we'll make sure that they have enough time to- "

"You're too late, Steven." Garnet bluntly stated. "The Diamonds are already shipping out with the Jormagundrs to face Nosiop." As Garnet concluded her sentence, Steven turned to see the Diamonds, along with Spinel, Hessonite, Citrine, and the royal family, flying off in a big warship outside the castle walls. "Tough break."

"Doesn't matter, as long as all of us are still together." Steven declared. "The Diamonds can wait; we got a universe to save!"

"You got that right." Black Rutile said as she drew her sword and stood alongside the Rutile Rebels, both past and present. "Buckle up, Lucent Gems, today's the day we make a change!"

--

Within an hour or so, more warships began arriving from Alethinophidia, carrying the defenders of Serpentes toward the final battle with Squamata. One ship housed the Crystal Gems, the Rutile Rebels, now dubbed the Lucent Gems, Lars and the Off-Colors, the various competitors in the Contest of Champions, Bialyoom & Meinerr, Aescul, and the Fryman brothers. Another carried the Diamonds, Spinel, Hessonite, the Jormagundr royal family, the Universal Lords, Captain Boa, Flipso, and the Black Pearl Brigade. Finally, a third ship was transporting the Metals into battle.

Squamata and his heralds all turned to discover the three ships in the distance as they descended to the ground and their respective passengers disembarked for the final battle. Meanwhile, the Lapidarist appeared from above in a flash of light to lead the resistance against Squamata.

"So, you finally show yourself, my dear creator." Squamata sneered with a hiss. "What can one speck of light illuminate within the dark abyss that is I, Squamata? Countless stars. Countless worlds. Countless lives. All fell to me, all brought to nothing, and all because of you." With an ominous glow in his eyes, the god of snakes summoned an unstoppable army of darkness to aid in his destruction of the universe. "You and your kind have tried so hard to keep your sins hidden away that you had no idea that there would be souls of darkness who wanted to unleash my wrath upon the universe. You simply could not live with your own failures, and where did that bring you? Back to me."

"You will find that mortals are far more resilient than you believe, Squamata." The Lapidarist declared with a speech of her own. "Look at these people, these mortal beings. Consider their potential! They have done so many amazing things with the short time they have in the universe, yet they always made the most to ensure a brighter future for all! And that future involves you dying once and for all!" She raised her arm to the sky. "CHARGE!"

With that, the Lapidarist's armies raced into battle for the fate of all reality. In the process, Lapis and Jasper fused into Malachite, Cat's Eye and Holly Blue fused into Chrome Chalcedony, Cinnabar and her crew combined into Painite, Black Rutile, and White Topaz fused into Lepidolite, Aquamarine, and Eyeball fused into Bluebird Azurite, and Steven and Lars fused into Stars.

"Okay, just gotta tell the Diamonds I'm not interested!" Stars muttered to himself as he tried running over to Yellow Diamond. "Uh, hey, Yellow, can we talk?"

"Not now, Steven, saving the universe here!" Yellow exclaimed while repelling an army of shadow creatures with a wave of her hand. "Blue, back me up here!"

"Already on it!" Blue replied while firing lasers from her palms. Disappointed that he couldn't talk to the Diamonds yet again, Stars instead focused on helping the other Crystal Gems against Squamata's heralds.

"Hey Steven, neat new fusion!" Peridot complimented Stars's look.

"Thanks, love." Stars replied before summoning his star-shaped bass to fight off the invading army.

"Wait, Steven can fuse with humans other than him and Greg?" White Topaz asked while she and the Lapides held up a water shield to help defend the Metals.

"I guess so." Connie replied. "Bismuth, on your left!"

"Got it!" Bismuth yelled while smacking Velhallen Beo away with a hammer fist.

"Blast you, Gem scum!" Velhallen snarled before lunging at Garnet like a predator. "I've waited centuries to kill a Gem! And you have the honor of being the first!"

"Not quite." Garnet smirked in response. "Malachite, now!" Malachite then took Beo by surprise by snatching him from midair with a water claw and tossing him straight at Torius Vosania.

"Playing hardball, eh?" Beo smirked while firing a giant purple energy beam from his hands that White deflected with her laser eyes, prompting a beam struggle between the two.

Meanwhile, Cobralan, Constricta, Naja, and Boa all stood face to face with Nosiop, Pyth, Mr. Manco, and Torius, the royal family ready to free their son and brother from the Serpent Society's clutches and be a normal family again. "Nosiop, I know you're still in there, my boy." Cobralan reached out to his son. "Please, let your old man into your heart and listen to him."

"Me listen to you?!" Nosiop yelled angrily. "You never listened to what I had to say, so why should I do the same? I legitimately wanted to change our society for the better, but you were so stuck in your traditional ways that you never noticed your own family's feelings!"

"You know, father, he raises a good point." Naja stated.

"And that's why I wanted to talk to you, Nosiop." Cobralan added. "A human told me that I wasn't the best parent towards you. He knows from experience, for he is a father much like me, a father who also debated with himself on whether he was a good parent to his son. But at the end of the day, he accepted that no matter how much he treasured his child, he still needed to grow and change as a man himself. So please, my boy, let me try to be a good parent, and maybe we can work things out. Let us slay Squamata, and together, we can work towards a brighter future for our people."

Nosiop's face dropped as he gazed at his father, now repenting for his past problematic treatment of his son. He finally acknowledged his ignorance of his son's wants and now wanted to make amends. It almost brought a tear to Nosiop's eye and made him want to drop his weapon and return to his family with open arms. But unfortunately, destiny had other plans.

"I believe you've talked with your boy long enough." Pyth smirked while grabbing Nosiop by the shoulder. "Perhaps before you two are reunited, he should slip into something more comfortable. Oh, Squamata! I got a new vessel for you!"

"Excellent, my priest!" Squamata grinned eagerly before he zoomed straight into Nosiop's body through his mouth, forcing his spirit into the young prince and possessing him like the demon he was. As Nosiop was now possessed, his original self was locked away within his mind, and Squamata took control, allowing his new body to grow exponentially in size. With a sadistic grin, Squamatia took his body for a spin by laying waste to the rebellion surrounding him, smacking his tail around and firing lasers from his mouth. "Oh, this is most excellent!"

"Nosiop, sweetie!" Constricta yelled in horror before running for cover.

Before Squamata could cause any more harm to the rebellion, one fusion was brave enough to stand up and defend his friends from harm. Steven immediately un-fused with Lars and fused with Ronaldo so Stevaldo could summon a giant shield to protect them. "Stay away from my friends, Squamata!" Stevaldo announced. "I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the one character in a superhero comic who is genuinely skilled in his own right yet is useless compared to the gods he surrounds himself with! I am Stevaldo, ally to good and nightmare to you!"

"Oh, another fusion with a human?" Squamata smirked in Nosiop's body. "I must admire your creativity, Steven Universe, but it shall not be enough! Bring me the ultimate fusion!"

"Now is your chance, Diamonds, become Gem!" Squamata urged Steven and the Diamonds. "Of course, there is something you need to address first."

"Right." Stevaldo said before un-fusing as Steven continued holding up the shield. "I know you've heard this way too many times before, but the reason why I'm so uncomfortable around you guys is that even though you're trying to make a change, you still don't understand what you've put me through with how you treated Pink and what you did to all those species through covering up what you did!"

"We don't understand? Are you kidding? Us? Of course, we understand. I mean, do you call this a war, this funny little thing?" Yellow declared, snapping Steven out of his funk. "This is only a small scuffle compared to what we endured!"

"We did worse things than you could ever imagine! And when I close my eyes, I hear nothing but the screams of the Gems who gave their lives for us!" Blue added worriedly.

"And you know what you do with all that pain? Shall I tell you where you put it?" White added, clenching her hand for extra emphasis. "You hold it tight till it burns your hand! And you say that no one else will ever have to live like this! No one else will ever have to feel this pain! Not on my watch! So go on, hate us all you like, but that won't change the fact that you would never exist without us! We need you as much as you need us! We're sorry for abusing you for what Pink did! Please forgive us!"

"That's all I needed to hear." Steven smirked in acceptance as he held out his hand to finally make amends with the Diamonds. The other three Diamonds each placed their finger on the hand, and in a brilliant flash of white, yellow, blue, and pink light, Gem was finally reborn after thousands of years.

"I-I'm whole again." Gem gasped while gazing at her massive hands and her surroundings. "I know what I must do." Without even thinking first, Gem zoomed towards Squamata with speed rivaling that of the speeds of light and sound combined before grabbing the possessed prince of Serpentes by the tail and spinning him around in the air before slamming him to the ground. "TAKE THIS!"

"Ah, the original Gem, long have I waited to see you!" Squamata snarled in joy before charging at Gem and attempting to bite her in the forearm, but Gem thought quickly and slapped him away. "Yes, this is just the fight I wanted!"

"It's time for you to surrender, Squamata!" Gem boomed while preparing another. "Let Nosiop go, or we will make you pay the price!"

"However, there is but one mistake you Gems fail to notice." Squamata smirked. "You never know when you'll be taken by surprise." At that moment, Squamata seemed to disappear, and in the next moment, the Lapidarist let out a loud shriek of agony as she keeled over while poison began to spread through her body. "Let us see how you fare without your god to save you!"

"Oh no, Rebeugar!" Gem yelled as she raced back to where the Lapidarist had fallen and un-fused into Steven and the Diamonds to try and save her.

"Thank goodness you got here in time." Captain Boa stated. "I don't think she has much time left after an attack like that took her by surprise."

"Hold on, I can fix this!" Steven exclaimed as he tried using his healing spit to cure Rebeugar of the poison, but to his shock; it didn't seem to work. "Oh no, what's happening? My spit isn't working!"

"That's because Squamata's poison is so lethal; not even your spit can stop it from killing its victims." Cobralan said remorsefully as he laid the Lapidarist to rest. "You can rest now, milady. We'll take it from here."

"I do not know what'll happen after I die. But I know that you are reality's last hope." The Lapidarist said weakly while gazing at Steven and Black Rutile one last time as the poison began killing her. "I was wrong. You two shall make the ultimate fusion that will save us all. My time is short, but I shall leave you with one final message. Everyone, I urge you all, one final time. Believe in Steven."

As the Lapidarist finally died in a flash of light, Steven and Black Rutile looked at each other, knowing exactly what to do. "Are you ready?" Steven asked while offering Black Rutile his hand. "Do you trust me?"

"I do." Black Rutile answered before taking Steven's hand, and the two danced together, glowing so intensely that the light could be seen for miles. The two began to fuse, something neither of them ever thought would've been possible in the past, and the result was an androgynous figure dressed in a conventional superhero costume with intense pink skin and large, curly hair. Could this be it? Could they be the ultimate fusion thousands of years in the making that will destroy Squamata once and for all? Whatever the case, the newly formed Rutilated Quartz had only one thing to say.

"Awesome."

--

Dear god, this chapter was a massive undertaking, but it was all worth it in honor of the show that changed my writing career forever. Well, that along with Gravity Falls and FLCL. Happy anniversary Steven, hope it's a good one. Next chapter will be the final chapter of Snake Eyes, and as I stated earlier, the long-awaited finale of Steven Universe: Alternate Future. Until we meet again for one last adventure, let's see how far we've come and how far we'll go.

[fluffypotatey]

f g p r from the fanfic ask game? please?

Hey bestie 🥰 thanks so much for the ask this one took me awhile lol

G - Do you write your story from start to finish? or out of order?

i like writing things from start to finish. key word: like. my brain, however, likes to jump ahead to specific scenes and events. i used to fight that bit and force myself to forge on along and wait until i finally made it to that part in the story.

lmao that was a horrible idea. those scenes would continue to haunt me and pester me until i finally give up and wrote them. so i just stop fighting it and write out of order. (honestly it was a blessing for me to decide to make my lmk one-shot series not in chronological order bc then i’d never get it done lol

it’s why my writing can get slow sometimes because while writing the chapter for the next event, i’ll be hit with some scene 2 chapters later or 3 scenes after some confrontation i haven’t started yet!!! i have ch7 for the dr geyer fic. it’s in my docs but i haven’t finished it bc someone *looks at brain* wants to write more of s6b bc Theo’s in that one >:(

P - Are you what George RR Martine would call an “architect” or a “gardener”? (How much do you plan in advance vs letting the story unfold as you go?)

you know, i know i read of this before like years ago but i don’t remember it lol. had to look it up to make sure i was understanding this right.

so… i think it depends?

with my merlin multi-chap fic and my medieval fantasy wip i plan those in advance. the merlin fic? i have that 1st arc’s plot down, i know where the story will lead to, i even know which characters i’ll keep alive or keep dead. 

with my one-shots (and my one-shots that chose to say “fuck you”), those are a spur of the moment kind of writing. i had something playing in my head that’s wants to be free, so i write it down and pray that it’s satisfied (it typically is not which is why you see a lot of my one-shots become multi-chapters or one-shot series). these don’t have a solid plan when i begin. i tend to come up with it as the plot comes together. 

tbh this works well with my fics bc i have a base outline: the actual show/book/movie. with my dr geyer fic, i know where s5-6 begin and end. sure, i’m choosing what gets to happen in-between, but i at least have the comfort of that base. the lmk series? it’s literally just me plugging in an oc and forcing a couple characters to air-out their issues. 

R - Are there any writers (fanfic or otherwise) you consider an influence?

oh definitely. tbh my main one would have to be Lemony Snicket. fell in love with the narration of those stories. the snark, the personality, the vocabulary, the inner dialogue. idk it just did something to 9 year old me lol

another big one i’d have to say is Branden Sanderson. not really his writing, but how complex and beautiful his worlds are. i didn’t know that you could create and capture the essence such beautiful worlds in writing but reading his books and seeing them come to life really influenced my desire to write and design fantastical worlds or even just explore snippets of other worlds like BBC Merlin Albion.

F - Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it

babe, i’m so sorry but it took me forever to choose. i debated on whether i should do lmk or teen wolf or abc merlin or even shit i haven’t posted bc i love too many of these T^T

but dw i did find one (it’ll be under the cut bc this got long jfc). i giggled a lot when writing it just because the back and forth with Liam and Mason interjecting was fun. also i picked this one to prove the dr geyer fic hasn’t been forgotten. i’ve just been….preocupied and going feral over immortal monkeys

*

“I’m not here to start anything,” Mr. Doughlas said to them calmly. “I just want the mountain ash barrier open, mh?”

“Yeah, because this isn’t starting anything,” Liam growled.

Mr. Douglas smiled, sharp teeth in full display. Again, he twisted his claws in the chimera. Theo, again, kept quiet. The only indication he was in any being came from his winces. Liam can’t tell if he should be impressed or horrified that getting stabbed in the spine barely got a reaction out of Theo. 

“This is simply a contingency. I just want the barrier open, then I’ll be out of your hair. I promise. No funny business.”

Theo chuckled (well, more like gurgled) and snorted.

“Says the Nazi.”

Douglas drove his claws further into Theo’s spine, polite smile cracking, in response. The chimera grunted, but Theo just laughed again.

“Sorry, sorry.” Theo’s smirk looked almost deranged with the blood coating his lips. “Nazi was the insult others threw at you, right?”

“He’s a Nazi?!” Mason shrieked. 

Doughlas sighed, all politeness disappearing as he addressed them all.

“Must we obsess over my previous occupation? I don’t see how this is important. I was just a soldier there.”

“Oh yeah, being a part of a genocidal fascist group should totally be overlooked!” Liam exclaimed. “Not like you were involved in and advocated for any of that!”

“Yeah, it adds nothing for us to even slightly trust you,” Mason added.

[r6shippingdelivery]

I saw someone on Twitter post about how they wanted to see jealous Glaz, and I was struck by inspiration 😄 This fic is mostly about Glaz's perception of his place in Rainbow after Kali joins, and the bit with Fuze can be read as friendship or budding romance, whatever your like better.

WARNING: While Glaz is an unreliable narrator here, and Kali is not outright demonized, I haven't been kind to her either. So if she's your favorite character, proceed with caution.

You can also read the story in AO3, as the latest chapter of the Discord Ficlets collection.

Hatred was a shallow emotion, one that lived at surface level and hid deeper and more complex feelings, ones that people found harder to confront or admit and thus resorted to hate.

Glaz experienced that during his stint in the South Ossetia War, when the hatred they all felt for the enemy was just a cover for their sense of helplessness at stopping so much unnecessary death. As always, art became a way to express and work out his emotions, and from what he saw it was far healthier than drowning his sorrows in alcohol like most of his fellow soldiers did.

Over the years, Glaz had acquired a reputation for being a pretty stable person, not letting his emotions rule him but not burying and ignoring them either. So it was a shock to realise he was letting his emotions rule his opinion of a certain person.

It would be unfair to say he hated Kali. The Nighthaven leader had done nothing directly unpleasant to him, in fact Glaz wasn’t even sure if they ever had a conversation. But fuck, seeing her smug face made his blood boil. Admitting he was jealous was a bitter pill to swallow.

Glaz felt sidelined since she arrived. At first it had been normal that Kali got so much action in training matches and different situations, Harry always did that to ensure new additions got properly integrated in the team. However, Kali stopped being the new one and she kept being requested more and more often. If someone devised a plan that required a sniper, it was always her that got the call, almost never Glaz.

Sure, she was an excellent shot, but so was he. So were the other operators who had marksman training. Yet the only requested sniper was Kali. Even for the strategies that relied heavily on stealth, which made no sense to Glaz since Kali’s rifle was extremely loud and she refused to use a silencer. She insisted it wasn’t compatible with her weapon, which was utter bullshit in Glaz’s opinion. Then there were the snippets of conversations he heard from her in the shooting range.

“Of course I don’t use a thermal scope, that’s a crutch, and those are for beginners, not professionals.”

“I don’t hide behind smoke curtains like a child clinging to their mother’s skirts.”

“I could give you some pointers, you’d benefit by learning from a real sniper, Dokka.”

The gall of that woman! Glaz had never wanted to wipe the floor with someone as much as he did then, but when he approached them to offer a friendly marksman competition, Dokkaebi happily accepted while Kali sniffed and declined. “I’m busy now, maybe another time.”

Glaz silently fumed for days. He didn’t give a damn about Kali’s opinions; he knew he was an excellent sniper and she could make as many snide comments as she wanted. Nothing would change the truth. However, Glaz also had the feeling she was trying to undermine him, and he didn’t like that. Most operators in Rainbow were competitive by nature, but except for a few rivalries, the trash talking had always remained upfront and somewhat respectful, never behind another operator’s back. Things remained as they were, somewhat tense but peaceful, for a long time. Until the Invitational rolled around.

When the teams were publicly announced, the Spetsnaz were collectively surprised some of them were chosen to participate, unlike the previous year. Glaz didn’t mind sitting among the public again, and privately he and Kapkan made a point of keeping an eye out during the event. The White Masks might have been mostly obliterated, but they weren’t the only terrorist group in the world, and a huge gathering like this would be a tempting objective for any group looking to make a name for themselves. So he was fine with not being selected, truly. However, what he wasn’t fine with was the way Harry said one particular thing:

“And to showcase Rainbow’s prowess in long distance combat, team Ash will have our resident sniper, Kali.”

Seriously? The resident sniper, as in the only one? Glaz grit his teeth so hard he was sure everyone in the room could hear it. He refused to say anything, though, he wouldn’t turn this briefing into a spectacle. However, that didn’t stop him from hoping Tachanka would teach her a lesson with his new fire grenades. That would certainly put a smile on Glaz’s face.

Alas, that was not meant to happen, even if it came pretty close to actually becoming a reality. In the end, Tachanka’s team was eliminated, same as Fuze’s, and the tournament went on. Glaz thought nothing else would happen, and aside from secretly hoping for team Mira to win, he largely lost interest in the competition. Yet the competition, or more accurately, Kali, didn’t lose interest in them.

When Fuze told them he’d been invited to train with Nighthaven, none of the Spetsnaz was particularly pleased, since they worked better as a team, but they didn’t voice any objections either. Glaz wanted to, he wanted to forbid Fuze from doing it, but he was a rational man and knew that was both unreasonable and a douchebag move. If Fuze wanted to train with others, he was free to do so, of course. Glaz kept repeating that to himself, even if deep down he was sure that Kali woman wanted to take everything that he had, from his position as a sniper to his friends.

Aware of how childish that sounded, Glaz grimaced at his own thoughts. He needed to calm his mind, and as always, he turned to art. Painting would surely grant him that state of inner peace he sorely needed while waiting for Fuze to come back from his session with Nighthaven. Losing himself in the process of creating something always helped Glaz exorcise his demons, and also lose track of the world around him. At least until Fuze came back.

Most people painted Fuze as unreadable, but he wasn’t to Glaz. The artist could see clear as day that Fuze was deep in thought. The curiosity and need to know was eating Glaz inside.

“How did it go?” He asked, aiming for a casual and carefree tone. He wasn’t sure he succeeded.

“Interesting.” As always, Fuze was succinct and straight to the point, going for the shortest message. However, Glaz knew that if one took the time to shut up and listen, Fuze would say more. “They’re an effective team, very competitive. It’s good to have them working with us and not against us, but I don’t think they feel part of Rainbow.”

It wasn’t the first time Glaz heard before some of those sentiments echoed around when it came to Nighthaven, but Fuze delivered with an admirable lack of judgement. The Uzbek relayed a blow by blow account of the training match, and Glaz wondered how Aruni felt at Kali’s call of her safety being expendable. It was just a game for now, but training built habits that one carried back to the battlefield. He was still pondering over what he heard when Fuze dropped a bombshell that shook him to the core.

“Kali offered me work in Nighthaven.”

Glaz saw red, and for a moment he couldn’t think. The looks in his eyes must have been a veritable maelstrom of repressed anger and jealousy, because Fuze looked taken aback. A burning sensation coiled in his chest, and Glaz clenched his fist hard to avoid unleashing a storm of swears, since Fuze wasn’t the target of his fury.

*crack*

The paint brush he’d been holding broke under the pressure of his clenched hand, but Glaz didn’t notice, and clenched his fist even tighter.

“Timur!”

It was Fuze calling out his name that finally brought Glaz down to earth, away from the dark spiral of what ifs where Fuze left the team, lured away by Kali. He opened his hands, revealing the brush he accidentally snapped in half, and how the jagged edge of the broken wood had sunk into his palm. Oh. He hadn’t even noticed that.

Glaz briefly mourned the loss of his favorite small brush, dropping the pieces aside and wiping the blood from his palm carelessly. “And? Did you accept?”

Fuze regarded him in silence for a few seconds, before shaking his head as if he couldn’t believe Glaz’s foolishness. “Of course not. I have my team. And I’m not going anywhere.” This assurance was a balm for Glaz’s turmoil, but then Fuze added with a smirk. “Besides, I know you always have my back and won’t put a bullet in me, not even a fake one.”

The laugh and lingering look they shared made Glaz feel that all was right in the world, at least for a little while. He knew he could always count on his team, on his friends, and having this belief reaffirmed soothed him like nothing else did. It had been foolish to think Fuze would leave him.

[mirthful-sonnet]

Rise Above the Ashes | Chapter 2

Summary: Jean and Mikasa grow closer while battling with their inner demons. Jean feels alienated in his own country and realizes in a brutal way that the Alliance’s endeavors for peace may be harder than he expected.

Notes:  Thanks once again to @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie for beta reading this and putting up with my fandoms cause she must be so confused what this is about lmao 

Warning: One short depiction of graphic violence

Ao3 link

“Stop moving.”

Mikasa froze, a startled look on her face as she tried to stay still.

Jean chuckled, turning back to his sketchbook. The afternoon was pleasant, with the bright sun profiled against a blue, cloudless sky. The only sounds were those of the light breeze and the strokes of graphite against paper.

The drawing was taking shape, the outlines of Mikasa’s likeness staring back at him from the page. He turned his eyes back onto Mikasa, and he thought that no matter how hard he tried he could never do justice to her actual beauty. She broke from her pose again and stared back at him. 

“Mikasa,” he said, both in amusement and disapproval.

Mikasa ducked her head and muttered an apology, trying to go back to her former pose once again, with her body slightly turned away from him while staring to the side. They had found a secluded spot while everyone else was back at the farm. Jean had been trying to spend more time with her since their encounter at Eren’s grave.   

He learned that she had a house near the farm while occasionally working as an informant for Historia and found himself as a constant guest along with Armin. The three of them had established a sort of routine in which whenever they had time they would meet up at her house and have dinner together. Jean would be lying if he said that being a part of this routine didn’t make him feel good.

Their current position in the grassy corner resulted from Mikasa catching him flicking through his old sketchbook. He did not plan on taking anything from his home in Trost when he reunited with his mother. But this sketchbook was a vestige from a time where there was much less violence and heartache in his life, and he took it with him.

There were portraits from most of the people he had met as a Scout. There was even a portrait of Eren, which Mikasa had stopped to stare at with an unfathomable look on her face before Jean broke the tension with a joke about what a lousy model Eren had been. It led to Mikasa asking him why he never drew a portrait of her, to which Jean could not offer any other explanation than that he had simply never worked up the courage to ask her.       

Now they were in this quiet spot, enjoying the peaceful afternoon together. He added the finishing touches before sitting more comfortably on the spread blanket and admiring his work.

“It’s done,” Jean said, and Mikasa turned to him. He gave her the finished drawing, awaiting her reaction. She appeared taken aback when seeing her portrait, staring at it for a long while before turning to him.

“It’s amazing, Jean,” she said, and Jean felt a little embarrassed at the frankness in her face, not knowing how to react. “I would only say that she’s too beautiful to be me.”

There was a jesting tone in her voice, but Jean immediately replied. “Then that means I did an accurate job.” 

Mikasa widened her eyes slightly before looking down, and  Jean mentally berated himself.

He had been careful not to make things strange between them, especially now that his feelings were messier than ever. The last thing he wanted was to make her uncomfortable. 

Jean had successfully locked away that part of himself when he realized the place Eren had in her heart. He resolved to be her friend and it had worked. Aside from that, he had certainly not wasted any time in seeking other companions. First during his years as a young Scout who was too curious and hormonal for his own good, and more recently as a glorified refugee in Marley with an uncertain status and plenty of need for pleasured distractions.   

He was ashamed when thinking about his time in Marley, as he remembered the phase he had fallen into which he was too numb from the war and had excessively sought out those distractions. Moments of bliss were fleeting, and they would only lead to him relapsing into the same pattern and making him feel worse than before. The entrustment of the peace negotiations between Paradis and Marley into the Alliance’s hands had brought hope and a change that he desperately needed.

Still, why was he feeling so confused around Mikasa now? What he felt now was an echo of his former crush, similar yet so different. Whereas before it had felt like a small ache that he kept hidden, now it felt like a flame slowly spreading and threatening to overwhelm him.  

“Earth to Officer Kirchstein,” Mikasa’s voice interrupted him, her hand waving in front of him.

“Oh, sorry, I got lost in my thoughts,” he told her, raising an eyebrow, “and I’m no longer a commanding officer, you know.”

Mikasa only smiled, laying back down on the spread blanket, her red scarf acting as her pillow. Jean was glad to see her smiling and acting with ease around him, since despite her calm demeanor he knew that she was still grieving no matter how much she tried to hide it. Sometimes he would catch her staring off into nowhere or holding her scarf a little tighter than usual. While he remained in this place, he was determined to be there for her as much as he could. 

“Do you know how much longer you will stay here?” she asked suddenly.

Jean paused before replying, taken aback by her question. “Our stay has been extended indefinitely; it depends on how things go at our sessions. Though in any case, I imagine we’ll have to leave soon.”

Her face fell, “I see,” she murmured. “What do you plan to do after this?”

“I…” he trailed off, “I don’t know. Wherever the Alliance goes, I will end up going too. But my mom lives here, and I don’t want to leave her alone. Then again, we are not exactly welcomed here. I’ll just see what happens, I guess.”

“What about marriage and children?” She asked, quickly regretting her forwardness. She was about to apologize but he spoke first.

“Oh, that. Well, I’m not too sure about that either. I always dreamed of having my own family, but things are still too strange and uncertain,” he paused, looking away. “I don’t think I can truly settle down anywhere because I don’t belong anywhere.”

Mikasa stared at him, that dazed look that he seemed to constantly wear coming back, as if he were lost in a place where she could not reach. She grabbed his sleeve impulsively. These days she found herself doing that a lot when Jean would appear too lost in his own head.

“It…It’s probably not much, but I want you to know that if you’re in a pinch or need anything, you’re always welcome at my house,” Mikasa told him, not sure where these words were coming from, but knowing they were true. It was the least she could do.

Jean was visibly shocked, his face flushed. “Thank you, Mikasa.” he whispered, avoiding her gaze. After a moment, he turned to her suddenly.     

“What about you? Do you have any plans?”

“I don’t think so, I like living here.” She explained, “Kiyomi and her delegation insist that I go to Hizuru but I’m not sure I’ll do that any time soon. I did want a family but…”

He understood. That was impossible now that Eren was gone. The meaning of her words hung over them, and Jean felt a weird kind of sadness overtake him. He knew Mikasa would have been an amazing mother. Despite whatever pain and jealousy remained in his heart, he realized that he would have liked to see his two friends together with their own family. A welcome respite after years of misery and destruction. But Eren had to run ahead of them and set himself ablaze.

“Well, you can consider us your family now,” Jean said, referring to their friends, and wanting to ease her mind.

Mikasa beamed at him, “I guess you are,” she replied, coaxing Jean to lay down beside her on the blanket and he complied. From the new angle, she could make out a scattering of tiny moles on his neck that was not covered by his shirt. She hadn’t noticed them before and found herself strangely transfixed before she heard him speak.

“I’ll tell you what, no matter what happens, we’ll always be there for each other.” he offered, turning his head to her. Mikasa paused, rendered a little speechless at the openness in his hazel gaze. In that moment, she had no choice but to agree with anything he said.

 ~0~

Jean pressed the timer and waited for Armin’s next move. The blond was scrutinizing the chessboard before moving a knight.     

“So this is it, the final countdown until we decide if we can stay or if we should be running for our lives,” Connie commented from his seat near the fireplace in the living room. The residence was bigger than they had remembered.

“The queen has ensured our protection,” Armin said, his gaze still fixed onto the board, waiting for Jean’s move.  

“With the same people who want us dead.” Connie spat.

All sectors of the government had finally agreed to a voting session in which they would vote on the proposals from the Alliance and other nations. Soon, they were to show up at council with other delegates from Marley who had also worked with them.

“It’s more complicated than that,” Reiner replied, his hands busying themselves tying knots with an old rope. It was a habit he had picked up during his treatment at the mental facility and he kept doing it long after he was discharged. He found the distractions helpful when his thoughts would become too much. “There are people who are strictly loyal to Historia, and she knows who they are and how to pick them.”

There was truth to what Reiner was saying. They had misjudged just how divided the island would be when they arrived. Currently, there were all kinds of factions and insurrectionists on the rise, from imperialists who wanted Paradis to establish itself as a global power and expand its territories, to reformers who were advocating an alliance with the other nations.

“Whatever supporters we have seems meaningless as long as the Yeagerist faction is still in power,” Annie added, watching the game between the two friends.    

Armin clicked the timer, unfazed, “We have had to deal with worse things; the liberation of Paradis started with a revolution from the Survey Corps, a group that was a mere minority and ridiculed by most. What we want to achieve isn’t impossible,” he paused, hearing a click from Jean. “This time we have the support of other influential nations and the protection of the queen, who is in turn protected by staunch monarchists.”

Jean listened quietly, a strange unease surging up within him. It seemed surreal that they had finally reached this point in their enterprise for peace between Paradis and Marley. They had worked tirelessly to present their motions to the government and recount their testimonies of the war which were carefully modified to protect Mikasa. The Ackerman had insisted on coming clean and bearing the blame for Eren’s death, but that suggestion was quickly shut down by Armin.     

The rumbling had not only practically wiped out other regions that now had no choice but start all over again, but it had also left a good portion of Paradis destroyed and still vulnerable, a point that the Alliance had used to their advantage in lobbying for a new coalition of trade between the nations.

Their main objective was to establish a peace treaty. It was the most talked-about subject all over the island, and it had brought feelings of hope but also plenty of hostility. While Jean had busied himself as much as he could in his new duties as ambassador, the reality was becoming clearer to him: that he truly belonged nowhere.

In Marley, things weren’t any easier for someone like him. While there were major changes happening in the Marleyan government and the internment zones were being eliminated, many areas were still heavily segregated and Eldians were still looked down upon.

Jean found it easy to interact with his peers in Marley sometimes. He had his share of friends, and there was the usual neighbor who would greet him, the lady who would bring him warm meals, or the lovers who didn’t seem to care he was Eldian.  But other times the animosity was obvious. Now he was experiencing the same feeling of ostracization, but it was worse because this was his home.

“Armin is right. The circumstances are too different now and we have a considerable advantage. For now, we must be patient and wait for the next hearing,” Pieck remarked from her place laying down on the sofa. Naps were becoming more common to her.

“I don’t have a good feeling about this,” Connie said, then gave a tired sigh, “it seems like the violence never ends.”

“That is a reality we have to accept,” Armin replied, clicking the timer once again. “I heard Commander Erwin say that as long as humanity lives, they will always find a way to destroy each other. That is an indisputable fact, no matter how much it irks us to hear it. The cycle will always continue in one way or another.”

“And what do we do meanwhile?” Jean asked, breaking his silence.

Armin stared at him, before moving a pawn, and finally replied. “We keep moving forward.”

~o~

Mikasa stared at her friends bantering back and forth on her dinner table. Tomorrow would be the voting session and she had invited the group to have dinner in her house before the important day.

She felt an odd peace while watching everyone talking and enjoying the food. Back in her days as a soldier, such scenes were rare, and when they weren't, there would always be the knowledge that they may not live for long.

While things were certainly not perfect at the moment, this was a welcome change. It seemed so long ago since she got to have moments like this. It was why she had appreciated having Armin and Jean visit her whenever they could. Their visits took her mind off the troubling thoughts that plagued her at night. They slithered onto her consciousness when she was alone and only she would bear witness. The burden of guilt she still felt over Eren’s death had been like a shadow trailing on her feet, a bitter seed that she couldn’t cut out.

There were days where she felt a semblance of peace, where the prospect of a new dawn seemed like a possibility. She remembered the strange bird she saw on Eren’s death anniversary and the feeling of grief and hope that had overwhelmed her as it flew away. Free and glorious. A promise of new things to come that she didn’t dare believe in. But other days, the shadows of her dreams would morph and speak in a familiar voice.

Traitor.

The wounds were clear cut, its shapes still engraved in every crevice of her heart. The bloodstains of the boy who she had loved unconditionally still ran endlessly through her very being. She wondered if she was being too selfish in daring to have peaceful moments like this.

A movement by her side caught her attention. Armin was currently sitting beside her, his presence serving as an anchor even while he was engaged in lively conversation with Annie.

She was glad he had found someone, even if it took her a while to get used to the idea of them being together.

He had changed so much, from that timid boy who wanted to see the ocean to a determined leader with the same quiet strength. Now he was leading an enterprise that had the world’s eyes on him.

She didn’t know how he could stand it, or how he even looked at her with anything but repulsion. He was carrying an incredible burden for her sake after all, and she could do nothing but watch helplessly from the sidelines, knowing he would never forgive her if she spoke the truth.

Useless.

Her thoughts froze when she noticed that he had turned to her.

His bright blue eyes were narrowed for a moment before he gave her a small smile, as if he knew what she was thinking, and squeezed her hand under the table.

Mikasa could only smile back at him, a quiet understanding between them.       

Currently, Reiner and Connie were engaged on a heated, drunken debate about whether cereal should be considered soup or not, having Pieck laughing uncontrollably while Annie looked like she would rather be somewhere else. For all that was troubling her, she liked seeing everyone happy.

One person was visibly quiet, and Mikasa turned her eyes to Jean. The former commanding officer was smiling and watching his friend’s antics. There was a distance in his gaze, one that she noticed too often when he was with her. She didn’t know what to make of it, but despite the time they constantly spent together she noticed that he had a certain guardedness, a wall he had carefully built up and she could not trespass. 

She had appreciated him being here more than he could understand. In days when her mind was her own worst enemy, his presence had come as a haven of such comfort that she wondered if she even deserved it. Whether he was talking about how his day went, grumbling about having to argue with ‘constipated geezers’ as he had called them, or just remaining by her side quietly, his company had quickly become one of the highlights of her days. She only wished she could know what was going on in that mind of his.  

Jean suddenly stood up from the table and excused himself. She thought he was probably going to the restroom. But after a while, he still did not come back. Mikasa eventually excused herself as well, with Armin reassuring her that they did not mind. 

Her instinct told her to go to the backyard, which consisted of a small lawn with an apple tree and a wooden fence separating it from an extensive meadow. She stepped out into the yard, tightening her scarf in the cool breeze as she looked for Jean.

“So, you found me.” She heard him say, and finally spotted Jean leaning over the yard’s wooden fence, face half-hidden by shadows.

Mikasa quietly walked over to where he was. She noticed he had a cigarette in his hand and fought the urge to slap it away. At one point in their reunions, she had noticed him sneaking away to smoke but didn’t say anything, only earning shrugs from Armin when she turned her questioning eyes to him. 

“Was Reiner and Connie’s debate that uninteresting?” He asked.

Mikasa grimaced, “remind me to never let them drink again.”

Jean snorted, “prepare yourself, because they’ll be at it for a while.” he said, taking a drag.

“I never took you for a smoker,” Mikasa prodded, narrowing her eyes at him. He looked a little embarrassed, looking away as he exhaled, whiffs of smoke swelling and disappearing in the darkness.

“Sorry, it’s a bad habit I picked up in Marley,” he explained, scratching the back of his neck, “I don’t do it a lot, but when I do it sort of helps.”

Mikasa nodded, figuring that he was nervous about the next day and deciding to not press him further about his new habit.

“Are you alright? I’m sorry if I’m bothering you too much, you probably wanted to be alone-”

“You could never bother me, Mikasa,” Jean interrupted her, then taking a deep breath, “I just- I guess I just realized that this is it. What we have been working for all this time has finally had a result. Isn’t that crazy?”

She nodded and beamed at him, “I know you will do great things.”

“I never thought it would come to this, it just hit me that I have no idea what will come next. I still don’t feel like I truly belong anywhere. Plus, I’m thinking that we probably won’t achieve anything tomorrow and this damn war will just keep on going. My mind’s been playing a lot of shitty tricks on me,” he explained, taking another drag before sighing and looking at her. “I’m sorry, you didn’t come here to listen to my problems.”

She immediately shook her head in protest, “I told you that I would be here for you, and I meant it.”

He looked at her fixedly, “what about you? You do know that you can tell me anything, yet I can’t help but sense that you’re not always honest with me. With any of us, really.”

As soon as he finished, he immediately regretted his words, suspecting that the alcohol had probably made him bolder than usual. He almost wanted to laugh at his hypocrisy, since he knew that he had also not been completely honest with Mikasa either.  

“I’m sorry-”

“No, Jean,” Mikasa interrupted, looking elsewhere. “You’re right, I’ve been trying to pretend that things are fine now. And they are in a way, but other days it-it’s too much.”

Jean nodded in understanding, “I get it, you know; I’m not saying I’m entitled to hear everything that you’re thinking, but I also want you to know that you don’t have to hide things from me either. I know that you’re still mourning him, and there’s nothing wrong with that.”

It happened suddenly, but his words caused her heart to constrict and unexpected tears to gather in her eyes. “I’m glad to hear you say that,” she whispered, her voice wavering.

Jean dropped the cigarette and crushed it with his shoe, sticking his hands in his pockets. “I really miss that idiot; I even dream of him sometimes,” he admitted. “I like to think it’s him talking to me, you know?”

Mikasa hummed in response, turning away so he wouldn’t see her tears. “I dream of him too, not a day goes by where I don’t think of him. I once believed I couldn’t possibly live without him, and yet I still killed him.”    

“That was not your fault Mikasa,” Jean said firmly, his eyes like embers. She needed to understand that.  

“But I keep asking myself what if I had done things differently? What if I had stopped him in another way? What if I tried harder? What if…” she trailed off, gathering her breath, “What if I had been honest about my feelings to him? Would it have changed anything? And I know the answer is no, but I keep asking myself the same questions anyway. I guess my mind plays tricks on me too.”

Jean looked down, “I can’t possibly tell you how to make it stop, but you must remember that you’re not alone. No matter what happens, you have us,” he said, pausing and then looking back at her. “You have me.”               

Mikasa nodded jerkily, this time making no attempt at hiding her tears. “I do, don’t I?”

Jean stepped forward and pulled her into his arms.

Before he could regret it, she burrowed her head into his chest, his buttoned shirt quickly becoming damp with her tears.

He did not care, tightening his arms around her in his large frame, wanting to absorb every pain and every troubling thought she ever had.

Mikasa could only press herself even further into him as if she was seeking something but had to keep delving in for it. The night was quiet except for the whimpers that escaped her as they both hastened to get even closer, creating a cocoon of warmth, a little sun between their bodies. Whatever thoughts were troubling her before disappeared, and even if just for a moment, she could lose herself in Jean’s embrace and try to believe that things would get better.

~o~

They had done it. Despite the noises of protest that still echoed throughout the council they had done it.

Jean understood in that moment that they still had a long way to go, but this was an important step in the right direction. For now, a more peaceful world was possible.   

They had achieved a quorum of votes in their favor, with Historia presiding over the hearing. The next moments passed in a blur of formalities and shaking hands with officials from all political factions.

He felt as if he were in a daze, every action, and every word he spoke coming almost as mechanical.

After the conclusion of the session, everyone made their way outside of the room, tension permeating the atmosphere. As expected, there were all sorts of manifestations for and against the peace treaty outside.

Jean could hear all kinds of insults outside as he followed Armin closely to the back of the building, where they were supposed to wait for a carriage to take them back to Historia’s residency.

Traitors. Murderers. Turncoats.    

The past years had hardened him to any slander, and he could only hold his head up and continue walking to the main hallway, where he could see Mikasa waiting for them.

Her head perked up when she noticed them both, immediately walking towards them.

“Were you here this whole time?” Armin exclaimed over the background noise. They had seen her before the start of the session, but Armin did not think she would stay.  

“There was no way that I would miss this moment. You were almost unrecognizable in there,” she said, recalling the scenes she witnessed from her front-row seat in the stands that were free to the public. “I’m proud of you two, of all of you. I had no doubt you would achieve it.”

“We’ll see if they don’t eat us alive first.” Jean retorted, looking grim as the noise of the crowds outside became more prominent.

They went to the back of the building, stepping out onto the cobblestones of an extensive alley. Mikasa had insisted that she could make her way back home walking, but Jean and Armin had none of it. Vehicles and carriages were coming and going in the dim light of the alleyway as the three friends waited for the rest of the group.

Jean could not help but think on how the island was just starting to use vehicles but still relied mostly on carriages. He had gotten used to the strange steel machines with time, which was more than he could say for Connie who had quite the record in car crashes back at Marley. 

“Mikasa! You’re here!” Connie shouted as he emerged into the alley with the rest of the group trailing behind him. He gave her a crushing hug, and Mikasa smiled, heartily returning his embrace.

“Of course, I am,” Mikasa replied.

“This demands another round of drinks at your house. What do you say?” Connie said and Jean rolled his eyes. Leave it to Connie to invite himself to people’s houses. 

“As long as you and someone else behave…” She commented while staring at Reiner, who was behind Connie and could only look sheepish and turn away. 

“Is the carriage here yet? We better get away from these crowds of lunatics.” Annie added, looking shaken while Armin tightened her coat around her.

“There it is,” Pieck pointed to a coming carriage bearing the queen’s emblem. As they walked Jean stayed behind, letting everyone get into the carriage first.

Mikasa was the second last to get in, and Jean moved to help her up before he heard it.

“Death to the Alliance!”

He moved in a flash before they got to her and then he was falling backward, catching a glimpse of her horrified expression, with everything morphing into screams in the distance and the noise of steel tearing through flesh repeatedly.

“Jean!” He heard Mikasa scream.  

Maybe it was sheer will, but he shoved the man who had brought him down, scrambling to get to him despite the blade that was lodged between his ribs. He managed to grab the bastard by the hair and hit his skull against the hard cobblestones.

The rush almost left him dizzy, but he kept slamming the man’s head against the ground until the hard noises of bones breaking were soon replaced by the slick sounds of blood and joints being torn. Not too far he heard the guards and his friends taking care of the man’s lackeys. Extremists, no doubt.

He should have seen this coming. Whatever strength he had left him suddenly, his grab on the man’s head loosening before he was shoved and felt two pairs of hands grabbing his neck to strangle him. It wasn’t long before Jean caught the flash of a red scarf and the man was pulled back abruptly and slammed harshly against the carriage, losing all consciousness. Jean clambered to his feet while coughing, feeling someone stabilizing him from behind.

“Jean, don’t move,” Connie said shakily, holding Jean by the shoulders. One look at Mikasa told Connie that they were both replaying another bloody scene from their past in their heads, where their best friend had been taken away from them with a single bullet.

“You’re hurt,” Mikasa murmured, her face looking pale.

The body of the man who had stabbed Jean lay carelessly beside her, as she had done a quick job in knocking him down.

Jean however appeared to not understand what his friends were saying, his eyes glazed over and his body beginning to wobble from side to side. “My suit got ruined,” he tried to joke but only groaned as he felt himself getting dizzier.

He heard the others come near him, but at that point, their voices were just cryptic noises and the lights from the lampposts stretched into long hazy lines. Someone gasped as the circle of blood on his shirt grew and dripped onto the cobblestones below. The violent encounter had given him such a rush that he barely registered any pain and did not notice that the bleeding was rapidly increasing.

“Jean, stay still! We need a medic!” He heard Armin shout as he ran from the place in search of help.

Jean still appeared lost, trying to shrug off Connie and Mikasa’s hold on him. He turned to Mikasa, who looked terrified as she saw Jean becoming as pale as a sheet of paper.

“What a drag, huh?” He said before his eyes rolled back and his body collapsed.

~0~    

Everything looked black, with flashes of a fluorescent tree coming and going like waves, distant static noises, and a hand reaching out to him. He found himself surrounded by a dense white fog that engulfed him and then slowly dissipated, revealing an empty street. Jean suddenly recognized where he was, the street from his childhood home in Trost becoming apparent in all its simpleness.

The place was empty as Jean slowly made his way down the steps that interpolated with the old street. He kept walking down the steps, the silent streets appearing to be his only company.

Or so he thought.

“Jean.”

He froze and turned towards the voice, meeting a pair of unmistakable green eyes. It felt like all the oxygen left him as the reason for their current plight appeared before him.

“Eren?” He choked, watching as Eren stood in the middle of the street, tall and unmoving. He didn’t know whether he wanted to run and embrace him or beat him to a pulp. “What is this?”

“I wanted to find something meaningful; this is the first thing that appeared.”

Eren’s words were punctuated by a sudden noise, and he saw the flash of a boy running down the street and fading away. There was a youthful cry and Jean saw the same boy on another corner of the street with a woman. He soon realized that the boy was him as a young child and that the woman was his mother, who was kneeling before him and wiping away tears from his chubby cheeks.

“I don’t understand,” Jean muttered, turning to Eren.

Eren lowered his head, never looking at Jean directly. At least he had the decency to look remorseful, Jean thought.

“I…wanted to say goodbye.”

Jean let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, feeling all sorts of emotions surge up inside him.

“Why, Eren?” Jean said, his voice quivering.

Eren still wasn’t looking at him. “I don’t expect you to forgive me. But I needed to say goodbye.”

The word goodbye made his chest tighten, and he did not trust himself to even speak but he did anyway. “You-you left, you left and didn’t tell us anything! You acted on your own without trusting us. And now millions of innocents are dying because of you! Why?!”

Eren still avoided his gaze. “None of that matters anymore. I made my choice, and there is no going back for me now. I needed to see you before it happens.”

“Before what happens?” Jean pressed him, but Eren did not answer, he only stared at him with a look he couldn’t quite decipher.

The scene changed, with the streets morphing into indecipherable shapes before they found themselves in the dining room of the training camp. The place they had all met as young trainees. Before them, a pre-teen Jean was talking for the first time to Mikasa, his nervousness obvious through his red face and his awkward attempt at complimenting her hair.

Jean frowned, looking at Eren. “Why are we here?”

“This is your consciousness, I technically have some control, but these moments…they are all meaningful to you,” Eren explained, eyes fixed onto the scene before them. This was the first time he had met Eren and Mikasa.

Their surroundings changed into another scene in the same dining room, where he and Eren were brawling before Mikasa separated them. Jean felt embarrassed not only at their childish behavior but at the fact that Eren knew that Jean had secretly treasured these moments. He fixed his eyes on the scene.

“She always had to mother you around,” Jean murmured, referring to Mikasa. 

“Mikasa was always protective of me, yet she never defended me from you. She would reproach me when we would get into fights. Even when you started them,” Eren said as Mikasa gave his younger self a disapproving look after separating them.

“It wasn’t always me. If you weren’t such a pain in the ass, it would have been easier,” Jean grumbled, his words contradicted by his behavior on the scene before them, where he had grabbed Eren in a fit of jealousy.

Eren only gave a sad smile as their surroundings kept changing, fading scenes playing one after the other like the strange projections of those films Jean had seen when they arrived in Marley. There were several moments with Marco, the part of his soul that had been violently ripped away from him. They landed in a different scene, where there were massive pyres of fire and a fifteen-year-old Jean was kneeling before the pyre that took the center, his body shaking in sobs. 

“What-“

“You truly loved him, didn’t you? I think he would be proud of you.”

Jean winced, the shadows from the flames dancing all around them. The beautiful friend who had believed in him now turned into ashes. “I don’t think he’d be proud. I never amounted to anything, and now I will probably die trying to stop you.”

Suddenly they were in a different place, with throngs of people walking away hurriedly in their direction. Jean tried to move away but the people passed through him as if he were a mere ghost.

There was a stage set up at the front, where the statuesque figure of Commander Erwin could be seen standing still.

Of course.

This was the night he decided to join the Survey Corps.

They watched as almost everyone walked away to the promises of comfort and safety inside the walls, while only a few stayed. Even when watching as an onlooker, Jean could feel the weight of resolve and terror hanging over everyone that remained behind.

“That is not true. I know you do not want to hear this from me but he always spoke of you at every turn he could. Even the simplest thing would have him singing praises about you. He always said that you would be a leader. I didn’t believe him at the time, but I was proven wrong. Every decision you have made since you joined the Survey Corps has led you to this point… to saving humanity. If anything, you went further than anyone’s expectations.”

Jean felt a lump form in his throat, shaking his head. “I…don’t want to see this anymore.”

As if on cue, the scene changed yet again. The sudden brightness made him shield his eyes as the sun shone brightly and the smell of sea salt invaded his senses. The air was filled with the splashes of water and laughter. In the distance, he could make out the three figures of himself, Connie, and Sasha playing on the shore of a beach. Currently, his friends had succeeded in toppling him over the water, making him yell out curses as they cackled.

“Sasha…”

Jean felt something tighten painfully in his chest as he watched her. This was how he liked to remember his dear friend; happy and carefree, not cold and lifeless.

“I think this was one of the last times any of us was happy,” Eren said.

“Were you?”

Eren looked away, fixing his gaze on another trio by the shore who looked much quieter. Their figures standing still and seemingly staring into nowhere. “I can’t remember if I ever truly was happy.”

Jean scoffed at that. “That sounds like bullshit.”

The titan shifter paused as if in deep thought, then turning to Jean. “You’re right, there were happy moments. You guys…made it a lot easier.”

“And now look where we are. You still haven’t answered me why Eren. Why did you do this? Armin and Mikasa…they try to look strong, but you broke them both.”

“They will move forward just as I expect them to do. I don’t know the exact details of how everything will play out but Armin… Armin will lead humanity to peace with you close by his side. And Mikasa…she’s strong and will move forward with her life. She has always been so much stronger than me, while I didn’t even have the guts to tell her that I love her.” Eren said with a self-deprecating laugh.

Jean’s breath hitched as he heard him. “Then tell her that! You can’t let her go while she thinks you hate her!”

“It’s too late now, what I have done…there’s no way to come back from that. I didn’t always treat her like she deserved, you know. Now all I can do is encourage her to forget me and be happy no matter how much it hurts me.”    

There were more shrieks of laughter, with Connie and Sasha now halfway sunk in the water as they swam around Jean, all three of them splashing each other. Not too far, Commander Hange was picking up seashells and staring at them in wonder while Captain Levi stood further from the shore, staring quietly into the horizon. Eren’s words sank in, and he felt a surge of anger and panic at the finality in what he said.

“You…you say that like it’s so easy. Do you ever think about the pain she’s going through? What you put all of us through? You did all this for what? Trying to play the hero for us? Fuck you!” Jean yelled as he lunged and punched Eren, making him fall backward and sending wafts of sand flying up. “You broke me too, asshole! Now I’ll have to live with that if I make it out alive!”

The background was changing yet again, blue skies turning into an azure shade and then into ink-black, with a few scatterings of stars.  The beach was now dark and empty, and the air was dead silent.

Jean was breathing heavily, feeling hot tears running down his cheeks but not really caring. Eren was staring up at him, anguish clear in his bloody features. He scrambled to his feet, and Jean moved to help him up. He meant to let him go as soon as he was able to stand, but he only pulled Eren into his arms abruptly, hugging him tightly and letting his tears flow freely.

He didn’t know whether it was something in the atmosphere or the look in Eren’s eyes, but he could feel him fading away. The background changed in a flurry of colors and waves while they held each other firmly and finally landed in a different place.

Jean pulled back and soon realized they were in the barracks from their trainee days. The room was empty, the air only filled with the creaking noises of wood and the chirping of birds outside. He turned back to Eren, who had that same indecipherable look in his eyes.

“I won’t ask for your forgiveness, but I am truly sorry I brought so much pain to all of you. And…I know I have no right to request anything from you, but I am selfish, I have always been so selfish…so I need you to promise me, that no matter what happens, you will move forward and live your life to the fullest.”

Jean felt a thousand protests gather on the tip of his tongue, not ready to acknowledge the finality in his words. There was a certain heaviness in his chest that made him sit down in one of the bunk beds. “I’m not sure that I can.”

Eren knelt in front of him, “you can, you’re strong. More than you give yourself credit for. Promise me, Jean.”

The words echoed painfully, and Jean looked down, his voice coming out weak. “Why does this sound like a goodbye?”

He was met with silence and Eren getting closer, holding his hands.

Jean gasped as he noticed that Eren’s hands looked different.

Their surroundings were becoming dark again, and the fluorescent light that he had seen briefly now appeared to be spreading from Eren’s fingertips and extending towards him.

“It is time,” Eren finalized.              

Jean froze. And as irrational as he knew it sounded, Jean could not help but deny what he was saying. “No! We-we can work things out, Eren. Please stop this and come back to us! Please!”

As he finished his desperate plea Eren pressed his forehead against Jean’s, a little frantically. “This is it, Jean. Please don’t ask me to come back. Just promise me that you will move forward.”

The light was spreading more rapidly now, their bodies illuminated in a searing light, two figures in a flame. Jean swallowed the lump in his throat, shutting his eyes tightly before nodding against Eren’s forehead. He felt him breathe a sigh of relief. 

“Thank you,” Eren said, and it sounded like the saddest goodbye to Jean.

“I don’t know what to do. What will be left?” He choked, feeling completely helpless.

Eren lightly shook his head, his eyes sad but also alight with unspoken things. “I think you’ll be surprised by the things life has in store for you, Jean.”     

Jean was confused by his words, but decided not to question him, knowing that he would disappear at any moment. 

“Don’t look away,” Jean said, and Eren obliged, fixing his piercing gaze on him. They remained like that for a good while before the strands of fluorescent light completely engulfed them.    

“Goodbye, Jean,” Eren said, a little broken but still strong.

“Goodbye, Eren,” Jean replied, his hands still holding onto Eren’s blazing form until there was nothing left. 

~o~

The oil lamp was the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes. The flame appeared to be the only thing lighting up the room. Slowly but steady, everything was becoming clearer to him even if he still felt very strange. There was the sterile air, the smell of mercury and alcohol, the moonbeams filtering through the window, and the tears warming his cheeks, a last residue from his dream.

He didn’t know why he was remembering that vision now of all times. His last moments with Eren had happened in a landscape that wasn’t real, and that was something that he rarely if ever wanted to remember. All his memories with the green-eyed boy had contorted into a permanent bloodstain on his soul. And the fact that he did not follow his promise to Eren and instead became a pathetic shell of a man made everything worse.

But his self-deprecation did not last long as he noticed that he wasn’t alone, a shift by his side catching his attention. He could not see her very well, but Mikasa was now looking at him closely, shock and confusion on her face as she noticed his tears.

“Armin! He’s awake!” She exclaimed as she ran out of the room, and Jean heard muffled voices outside where he could only make out the words “doctor” and “Mrs. Kirschtein”.

Mom?

While the voices went on Jean remained dazed, moving the fingers of his right hand in front of his face. He felt so out of it that he barely noticed Mikasa coming back.

“Jean? How are you feeling?”

He only groaned in response, “wh-where am I?”

“The Hospital of Mitras. We were lucky it was close by. Armin went to find the doctor and your mother.” She explained, staring worriedly at the wetness in his face. Mikasa said something else, but he didn’t hear it, his body feeling like a thousand bricks. 

“Mom?” he mumbled, scrunching up his face as he tried to move before Mikasa stopped him. “‘the hell did they give me?”

“You’re dosed on morphine. They told us you would be feeling drowsy when you woke up.” Mikasa took in how Jean seemed to stare at her but not at all at the same time.

His eyes were clouded and watery.

Since they arrived the day before, she had been hearing him make all sorts of noises in his unconscious state, muttering different names or things she couldn’t make out. One look at him could tell anyone that he was still heavily drugged. But she also wondered why he was crying.   

She saw that he was sneaking a hand to touch the bandages on his ribs, and she immediately moved to pry his hands away. “No! You’re in a delicate state, you have to stay still.”

“Ah my hero,” Jean slurred, “so protective and gentle.”

Yes, definitely drugged.

She was gathering the blankets around him, remembering the way his body couldn’t stop shivering when they had first arrived and how nervous she had been with every single movement.

Reiner had helped carry Jean all the way to the hospital. While they had been lucky enough to be close to the hospital, Jean still caught an infection on the way according to the doctor. Mikasa had some hope now that he was awake, but she couldn’t help the fear that still plagued her. No. She wouldn’t lose anyone else. She would make sure of that.

Her thoughts were interrupted by him mumbling something she couldn’t hear clearly.

Jean’s eyes were blinking slowly, and he was turning his head from side to side. She leaned closer to hear what he was saying.

“It was him…Eren…he talked to me.” He muttered and gave an exhausted sigh, trying to fix his eyes on Mikasa even while she was blurry.

Mikasa was now frozen as Jean looked at her, his eyes still glazed over but there was something else in them now.

“I liked you, Mikasa, y’know? I think I even loved you. Since we were trainees…” he confessed, his voice still slightly slurred before he laughed. “Ah, what a stupid fool. It’s kind of funny,” Jean continued while laughing, a strange picture with the tears that were still drying on his face. He stopped with a groan when the strain was too much.

“Jean…” Mikasa muttered. 

“Hmm…I wish he was here; I wish I could bring him back,” Jean mumbled, “I’m sorry I can’t do anything…I’m so sorry Mikasa…”

He turned his face into the pillow, looking like he was about to pass out. If Mikasa was planning to say something, it was interrupted by the doors opening abruptly. That didn’t seem enough to wake Jean from his stupor as the doctor walked in, followed by a trail of nurses. Mikasa could only stand aside as the doctor and the nurses covered Jean from her view, enveloping him in their prying hands and moving white garments.

She remained there as they worked on him, his dazed words replaying in her head like a broken record, his expression etched onto her mind. They had seen each other in the most brutal and vulnerable situations throughout their years as comrades, yet she felt at a complete loss with what she had just witnessed. She forced her intrusive thoughts into the back of her head and remained in her place, where she could do nothing but pray to whatever deity was listening that Jean would be safe and sound.   

[vixensheart]

I uh, may have started a playlist for my fic? So here it is ^^; @singingcookie definitely inspired this to be created by constantly throwing songs at me because she’s amazing like that. Here’s all the songs and their related scenes/why they’re on the list: 

Explode by Written By Wolves: Chapter one. This song represents Katsuki’s determination to get the job and rise from the ashes, so to speak. 

Starlight by Written By Wolves: Chapter two. The line “this is right now” resonated with me a lot for this one-- it fits the mood of Katsuki trying to get into the groove of his new normal. 

Demons by Written By Wolves: Chapter three, especially the last scene. It also kind of speaks to the general theme of Katsuki fighting his inner demons and feelings of inadequacy, but I feel like the mood of then song especially fits the beginning of the fic.  

Oxygen by Written By Wolves: This song hooked me for Katsuki’s backstory and goes hand-in-hand with Demons. I like it here because chapter four is the big reveal of him being a chemist, originally, so it’s also a little clever with the song name, lol. 

Lights by Written By Wolves: This song also goes along with Oxygen, lol, as backstory thematics. I think it fits the vibe of the flashbacks in chapter five, too, so that’s why it’s here. 

Believer by Imagine Dragons: This is a very bombastic, fired up song and it fits the mood of Katsuki’s determination going into chapter seven. He believes he can conquer the encounter, but he ends up having his walls start to crumble in the end because of Kirishima picking him up. ;) 

Elastic Heart (Cover) by Written By Wolves: The rock version is the one I have, because the overall mood of the song better fits Katsuki. Okay so originally I said this was chapter 8 but I lied, this is ending out chapter seven and going into chapter 8, following the feelings and introspection there. 

Kissaphobic by Make Out Monday: I stumbled on this song in my recommended songs and it’s??? Perfect??? For chapter eight, especially the end sequence. The longing, here-- matches how Katsuki wants but is afraid. 

Lover Is a Day by Cuco: There’s an ache to this song that fits the mood of chapter nine. Plus, the many of the words match up with Katsuki’s emotional turmoil of his budding feelings. 

When He Sees Me from Waitress (original broadway recording): Listen, the lyrics from this song perfectly fits Katsuki’s reluctance to let Kirishima in. And I think it’s perfect for the shift in mood after chapter nine, when they finally become friends and suddenly feelings are harder to ignore. 

Out of the Woods by Taylor Swift: Between chapter ten and eleven there’s these moments where Katsuki is dealing with his past-- nightmares, seeing his ex again. So this song kind of speaks to the internal struggle a bit of him asking himself “are we out of the woods yet” so to speak. 

Love Like You by Rebecca Sugar: There’s many reasons I love this song, and most of them are because it can apply to literally anyone lmao. But I do think it very much applies to Katsuki and how he wonders how Kirishima could ever care about him, and it fits lots of the themes of the overall story. But I think it fits well here, specifically, because of the tender moments in chapter eleven as Katsuki deals with how he feels almost broken from his past. 

Love Me Like You Do by Ellie Goulding: This song is specifically for the scene in chapter twelve, when Katsuki is over at Kirishima’s and there’s just heart eyes all over the place between them. 

Surrender by Natalie Taylor: I had been scouring the world for a song that fits the ending of chapter fourteen AND THIS IS IT Y’ALL. The softness, the “whenever you’re ready”,,, fits the vibe so hard. 

Emperor’s New Clothes by Panic! At the Disco: I had a different song here, but ultimately I decided on this one because for starters, the themes of hell and demons of the music video fits so well with the imagery I use for Mitsuki, lol. But also the lyrics “taking back the crown” are a lot like Katsuki trying to take back his reputation and the overall mood of the song just matches the dinner scene so well in chapter fifteen, lol. 

Listen to Your Heart by DHT, Emdee: Cookie says this song fits the bar scene in chapter sixteen and honestly she is correct. Lol it very much fits the mood as Katsuki flees, terrified of his own feelings. 

Driver’s License by Olivia Rodrigo: This song very much represents the heartbreak Katsuki went through. The lyrics themselves don’t matter quite as much as the emotions the song provides lol. Though parts of the song match like a glove. It’s here for chapter sixteen, when we meet the Ex. ;3 

Cloud 9 by Beach Bunny: Chapter seventeen, all the way. This song matches the more upbeat feel of the chapter and the strong budding love Katsuki’s feeling for Kirishima. UwU 

Overwhelmed by Royal and the Serpent: Chapter eighteen. The lyrics themselves aren’t what draw me in to this song so much as the overall mood and themes of anxiety, which I feel match the pace of Katsuki’s own anxiety as it rises in intensity leading up to meeting with Mitsuki again. 

Cuz I Love You by Lizzo: The lyrics of this song are perfect for this fic, and the scene it’s for is yet to be written lol but OH WELL. It’s on here pre-emptively. It’s big and dramatic and full of feeling.

War of Hearts by Ruelle: Listen. This is also on here pre-emptively. Take of that what you will X,D 

I’ll continue to update this as I find more songs for the playlist, haha. There’s definitely scenes I’d love to have represented musically, if possible. If anyone has recc’s, feel free to shoot them my way!  

[thevoidscreams]

The birds and the...bunnies? chapter 2

Keigo takami x reader This takes place a few hours after the first one ends. Rating 18+ Words:1590 Warnings: Smut, mentions of breeding Thank you to my beta reader @kamehamethot​ i love you (This might become a series but only if ya’ll want more. If it is what the people want. If it is what the people need. I shall provide.)

Waking up again to a room that’s not yours might be cause for concern for most people, but with the warm skin under your cheek and the gentle puffs of air being breathed into your hair you were the farthest thing from concerned.

You’d taken today and the tomorrow off so you could deal with your heat without being disturbed. 

That whole plan fell over, burned to ash and sank into the swamp the instant you hit the call button on Hawk’s contact the night prior.

Now you were here, naked in your lover’s arms as he slept. He’d stayed with you all of last night and into this morning. It was late afternoon by the looks of the sunlight as it streamed in through half closed curtains.

He’d asked you to be his and now you were, you belong to the winged hero and he to you. Your heart swelled in excitement and affection for the man you lay intertwined with. Your ears twitched as a puff of his breath brushed against its fur, your ears weren’t only sensitive to sounds but to touch as well.

It was something Hawks had exploited last night, kissing and nibbling them while he touched and caressed every part of you that he could. 

Your heat wasn’t finished maybe not till tonight or tomorrow morning depending on how active you and hawks were. The thought made heat rise not only in your cheeks but also in your core. 

He was still asleep, so peaceful and warm. His muscles were defined so nicely in this light too, from his pecs to his abs, your eyes feasted on the form below yours. Your thighs began to tremble at the thought of being wrapped around his waist and being held in his arms like he did earlier, your legs shifted, sliding over his waist of their own volition. He’d slept on his back and wings just to make sure you’d be comfortable, he held you close and helped you with your heat.  He was being so good to you that it made your eyes water a little, these dang hormones were just the worst but the feeling of love that being his brought was so strong and so real.

You wanted to bury yourself in his embrace and just stay there forever.

Hawks stirred as you sat up to straddle his waist, you plush rump pressed to his member in anticipation. Briefly you wondered if he’d need to head out to work soon you didn’t want him to go.

One radiant golden eye cracked open to peek up at you as you ground on his slowly hardening dick, he smiled warmly at the sight.

“Again Bunbun? You’re really insatiable aren’t you?”

“I’m sorry it’s just that being near you makes me unreasonably horny and my heat is making it worse.”

Hawks’s lips quirked up into a perfect little smirk. “You mean you feel like this even when you aren’t in heat? Oh Bunny you’ve been holding out on me! To think that all this time we’ve been dancing around our feeling when we could have been fucking like-” He leaned up on his elbows and stared into your eyes and you knew what was coming, “rabbits.” The smug satisfaction in his voice at the dumb joke was you guffaw and you grabbed a pillow to whack him. “That was awful, an illegal joke, a crime against bunny rabbits everywhere.”

“A crime!? Bunny no, I would never, I’m a hero we don’t commit crimes.” He put a hand to his puffed chest and said in a voice too serious sounding to match his personality, “We save people and step in when things get hare-y.” You brought the pillow down hard again to smite him for his words. HOw was he able to pun so soon after waking?

God why did you love this man?

His hand snatched the pillow away and he tossed it away into the room where it landed with a soft ‘fwump’. 

“That’s not very sweet of you my cinnamon bunbun.” He pecked your lips and ground his hips against yours in retaliation.

You kissed him back, your moans growing steadily louder with each subsequent thrust from his hips. You were drenched and feeling weak in the knees and he hadn’t even penetrated you yet.  His hands came up to cup your cheeks, smooshing them. “Goodness I could look at you forever, you know that?” He booped your nose with his so gently, it was a simple act of affection but it was nearly more than you could handle.

“And all jokes aside bunbun,” he kissed you again tenderly, each peck filled with sweet emotions, “I’m so glad it was me you reached out to. Being here, holding you, kissing you, loving you. It’s better than anything I could imagine.” You whined at his words, feeling the sincerity in them as he lifted you hips off his to position his length at your entrance and pressed into you.

Soft hums of satisfaction worked through your body as he bottomed out quickly, this wasn’t going to take long at all. Simply hearing his words could have brought you to the edge.

He runs his thumb and forefinger along one of your ears as they flop down the back of your head. 

“God you're so cute you know that?” He brings the floppy ear forward and peppers it with gentle kisses. The ginger kisses forced your body to wiggle lightly in his lap and he enjoyed not only your whines but also the feeling of your walls clenching as you did. “No Birdie don’t! They’re sensitive.” 

“Are they now? Kinda like my wings I guess.” His kisses turned to nibbles and you melted entirely. He was being petty and getting revenge but he still enjoyed pressing his lips to your ears.

“Please Hawks stop teasing my ears and fuck me. I need your cum so bad.” 

Giving your plea a moment of thought he decided to have mercy and let it go. Instead his hands came to rest on your hips, his fingers sinking slightly into the pliant flesh.

“Okay Bunny. I’ll fuck you, I’ll give you all that you need.” He lowered his face to your collarbone and sucked a tiny patch of skin till the skin was a deep purple, you gasped as his tongue ran over the mark. When his hips finally began a steady rhythm you nearly cried in relief. He felt so good inside you. Keigo found himself simply enjoying watching you get more worked up, your eyes practically rolling into the back of your head when he hit your sweet spots. Dragging his cock over them just so, so he could feel your inner walls tighten and hear you cry his name.

Fuck you were stunning. The true meaning of beauty and when you fell apart on his cock Keigo was fairly certain he was getting to see a preview of what heaven looked like.

“Hawks I-I’m so close.” The words tumbled from your lips but you weren’t even sure you were lucid enough to understand them at that point.

“Cum then Bunny, cum on my cock like a good girl.” His command was all you needed, crying his name as he pushed you over the edge. He laid you down beneath him, the bed creaking with the force of his thrusts. Sex with you was never going to get old, you came so prettily beneath him and it drove him wild. Keigo could feel the tightness in his stomach and groin increasing with each snap of his hips. 

“Please Keigo, give me your cum, I need to feel your cock cum inside me more!” Your thighs were vices around his waist keeping him deep inside you as he tipped over the edge. 

Thick sticky cum flooded into you, his body quaked as he released rope after rope of the reproductive fluid. Once he was done he collapsed onto you, smooshing you. “Fuck bunny babe your pussy sure milked me good.” “Of course, how else am I going to get you to breed me?” He laughed warmly and kissed your ear. “Damn bunny if it’s breeding you want just name a time and place. I’ll be sure to give your cute little hole as much cum as it wants.”

When you finished getting bathed Hawks informed you that he’d have to leave to patrol for a while. You didn’t want him to leave or to be alone but he had a duty to guard the people of his city and he couldn’t shunt the work off onto his sidekicks forever. He left you with a passionate kiss and a promise to be back before dawn if he could. “If you’d like you can stay a while or for the night again if you want.” You kissed him, your lips soft against his as you laid your arms over his shoulders. “I will but I want to get dinner with Rumi first. She texted me during our sex marathon earlier and I said I would meet up with her for at least coffee and dessert.” Keigo nodded and slowly let his arms leave your body. “I’ll see you later then. Take care, my sinnamon bun.” You giggle and he couldn’t stop himself from kissing your nose just once before his wings carried him off into the darkening sky. “You too birdie.”

[geminiamethyst]

Dragon Seekers. Chapter 14

Chapter 1: click HERE

Chapter 13: click HERE

Chapter 15: click HERE

After crying for what felt like a lifetime, Jamie finally calmed down. He felt like a completely different person from who he was when he first came here. He felt so enclosed, but now he felt more open. Was that normal in a situation like this?

Jamie tried not to think about what is normal anymore. Instead he focused more on what he should do next. He wondered if he should rest more, but Ember offered for him to meet her family properly. Not wanting to appear rude, Jamie accepted. With Ember’s help, he was able to walk through the house and downstairs. That’s where Ash, Pyro and his fiancé were waiting to see him finally out of bed. Still feeling ashamed, Jamie reintroduced himself to Pyro, trying to overcome the forest interaction they had. Pyro only laughed it off, reminding Jamie that he took no offence to his actions. He excitedly introduced Jamie to his fiancé, Blake, who was just as keen to speak to the boy.

Once introductions were done, everyone was seated around the dining table. They all had had a cool beverage, much to Jamie’s relief. After telling Ember everything, he decided to come clean about how he got to where Ash found him. The family listened carefully to him. They seemed surprised at how he told them of his world and the fact that dragons didn’t exist, only creatures to be told in stories.

“So, you’re really from another world?” Blake asked, scratching his head confusingly. Jamie’s silence only confirmed his answer. “I want to say that I don’t believe you, but it makes sense when you consider everything.”

“Let me tell you, if I ever see your stepdad, I’ll beat him up so bad that he’ll think twice about picking on weak people,” Ash declared, scowling at how Jamie described how he ended up in this world. While he didn’t tell them all the details of abuse, like he did for Ember, it wasn’t hard for Ash to figure out.

“Ashley!” Ember scolded, appalled by what Ash had said.

“I’m just saying! If that guy thinks he can punch me, I’ll show him a thing or two about abusing people!” Ash scowled, banging her fist on the table furiously. Jamie felt concerned as she said that. On one hand, he’d love to see Carl get a taste of his own medicine, but on the other, he didn’t want to see Ash getting hurt. Not that he doubted her ability to fight, he just didn’t want to feel like it would be his fault. You can’t solve everything with violence after all.

“That’s besides the point, Ash,” Pyro pondered as he light drummed his fingers on the table. “Sounds to me that an old form of magic was what brought you here, Jamie.”

“So, you know how to get me home?” Jamie asked, wide eyed with hope. Unfortunately, that that hope died as the family around him looked solum.

“Sorry, kiddo. You’re looking at the wrong family for help,” Blake sighed, looking like he wished that he had more to say. Jamie felt like the world was swallowing him up. It was bad enough for him to be far from home, but if no one knew how to get him home, it only made everything more grim for him. Ash frowned a little as she looked at Jamie. She seemed to be contemplating something before abruptly getting up.

“Right. Pity party over. Have the dragons been fed yet?” she sighed as she looked at Pyro and Blake.

“Not yet, sis,” Pyro grinned.

“Good! Jamie, time for you to have a real introduction to our dragons,” Ash smiled, before dashing off somewhere. “I’ll get you some footwear.”

“Ashley, Jamie isn’t ready to walk yet,” Ember reminded her daughter.

“I know! Which is why Pyro is going to carry him!” Ash shouted back, not giving Jamie a chance to say anything. After a minute of hearing her rummage through some things, she finally came back, carrying a pair of black boots, identical to hers. “Try these. You’re roughly my size, so they should fit.” The boots were shoved into Jamie’s hands before he could say a word. Ash was incredibly insistent on him coming with her. He really should be recovering and relax, but he really wanted to see the dragons again. He gently slipped the boots on his feet, doing his best not to aggravate his injuries. The boots were more comfortable than he thought. He expected them to be quite tight and hard to wear, but his feet felt like he had stepped into something soft, like cotton. It felt great. As soon as he pulled his jeans over the boots, Pyro knelt down, back to him. Hesitantly, Jamie latched onto the young man, accepting the offer for a piggyback ride. Pyro carried him as if he weighed next to nothing. Ash stood by the door, holding a silver spear in one hand. The same one that dealt with the monster that attacked Jamie.

“Ashley, must you take that spear with you? You won’t need it,” Ember ashes, but she sounded like she knew the answer.

“Dad gave it to me, so I can fight. You never know when it comes to non-dragon creatures, Mum,” Ash sighed heavily, sick with the question that has clearly been asked before. Ember also sighed heavily as she gave up trying to change her stubborn daughter’s mind. Taking it as a sign that she’s won, Ash flung open the door, causing a blast of hot air to enter the house. Jamie flinched quite violently as the heat hit him again after being in the house for a while. Ash and Pyro were obviously not affected by the heat as they walked outside. The door gently closed behind them as they strode out towards the stable. Jamie thigh that that it would be hard for him to breathe again like last time. He was quite surprised to find that he could breathe quite well. He looked around, noticing a slight shimmering in the sky. There was a transparent dome around the area. Magic was the reason why it was so easy to breathe, it had to be. Magic as seemingly as simple as this, put Jamie’s talent of doing slight of hand effortlessly to shame. He was outmatched when it came to magic now.

Approaching the barn, Ash pushed open the large door easily. As Pyro followed her in, there was an uproar of growls with small puffs of smoke hanging in the air. The barn was bigger than he gave it credit for as it housed four dragons. The first two that he recognised as being Pyro’s and Blake’s. The third dragon was the biggest of them all, staring at Jamie with charcoal black eyes as it seemed to study him. It’s scales were a deep rouge. As Jamie looked at it, he deduced that it must be Ember’s dragon.

“Hey, Cinder!” Ash smiled as she dashed up to the smallest dragon, the size of a mini van. It was a light grey colour, the colour of ashes. It had bright, ember coloured eyes as it turned to see the got, approaching it. It bowed its head at Ash, purring as the girl stroked its head. Jamie didn’t think dragons could purr as he always thought that they growled and roared, breathing fire carelessly as they did so.

“Down you go, Jamie,” Pyro smiled, bending down a little as he stood in front of a hay block. Jamie let go as he was gently placed to sit down on it. Pyro seems satisfied as he looked over at Ash. “Come get me when you’re done, so I can help carry Jamie back in.”

“Got it!” Ash smiled back before Pyro left the barn, closing the door behind him. Jamie didn’t take much notice as he watched the magnificent creatures around him. They were fidgeting a little impatiently as Ash disappeared behind a separate door. He waited curiously as he heard her rummaging around in there, when Ash’s dragon trotted over to him. He tensed up, not sure as what to do. Ember’s dragon rumbled at the small dragon, almost like a warning. Cinder didn’t seem to take notice. It sniffed at Jamie, almost like how a dog greets a new human with caution. Jamie remained as still as he could, worried about what might happen if he made a wrong move. Cinder continued to sniff for a few more seconds, before starting to nuzzle Jamie a little. Briefly surprised by this, Jamie gently brought his hand up to Cinder’s head, brushing over the smooth scales. The young dragon purred again at the attention.

“She likes you. I’m shocked,” Ash smiled, pushing a large wheelbarrow in front of her. “Normally Cinder isn’t that friendly towards new people.” Jamie smiled back at Ash as she continued to push the wheelbarrow, which was filled up to the brim with some fresh looking meat. The dragons diverted their attention towards her, seemingly excited to receive the food she brought with her. Ash gladly obliged as she dumped the meat into a troth. As she rushed back to get more, the dragons started to snaffle up the meat. All but Cinder, as she suddenly started sniffing Jamie again. Or more specifically, his pocket.

“Hey! Cinder! Leave him be and eat!” Ash called out as she dumped another reload of meat into the troth. Cinder didn’t seem to listen as she pocked at Jamie’s pocket with her snout. Ash shook her head but finished off her chore by adding two more loads of meat.

“Cinder! Go on!” she finally scolded her dragon, gently pushing the scaled creature away. Cinder grunted, but did as she was told, finding the food more interesting all of a sudden. Ash scratched her head as she watched as the youngest dragon was finally eating. “Strange. She’s never done that before.” Jamie looked down at his pocket. At first he thought that he might had be had a sweet in his pocket that Cinder picked up on.

Then he saw the outline of a familiar shape.

How could he forget?!

Jamie hurriedly dug into his pocket, feeling a metal he immediately recognised. He pulled it out and laid the dragon statue, right in front of Ash. She turned, looking at the statue for a split second before looking back t the dragons. Then she snapped her eyes towards it again.

“Wha-how’d you get a Soul Statue?!” she exclaimed, eyes as wide as inner plates.

Jamie looked at his new friend in surprise.

What did she just say?!

[elmidol]

It’s Not About You (NSFW)

Three Blind Tooke Part Three Death Is An Art

Read On AO3

Three Blind Tooke 

 Part Three: Death is an Art

 Chapter Sixty: It’s Not About You

 I second guess my life, my death;

I second guess saying it’s time to rest.

I don’t want to be the one to say goodbye,

I don’t want to give pain nor end your life.

 Rain trickled from the clouds in the overcast sky. The droplets drummed against the helmet that you wore, the sound echoing in your ears though it was distorted by the insulation that the gear provided. Superstitious individuals may have claimed that this was the heavens crying. Bodies were strewn across the battlefield. Ash dampened by the rain smeared with each step you took. The soot clung to your clothing the same as to that of the three Knights of Ren who had accompanied you. Alongside the shuttle that had carried your small crew were two transports of Force sensitive stormtroopers. Their red armor darkened with the filth. Weak flames were doused. They hissed in their death, smoke trails dancing along the sky.

 You walked through the filth and mud. Your boots stuck a handful of times, requiring you to exert more strength to keep moving. As you moved, your eyes shifted to take in the entirety of the devastation that lay before you. What had once been a Resistance Base was now a graveyard. Your lips parted behind your helmet; you were grateful for the mouthpiece with its filtration system that kept you from choking on the scent of death. Vicrul, having kept pace, turned and broke away from your side to investigate a new section. Meanwhile you lowered yourself down to one knee, genuflecting and touching three fingers to a singed jacket that was caked in gore. The untarnished portion contained a name, albeit one that was not intimately known by you.

Ap’lek had not been pulled from the bacta tank despite the passing of sixteen days. It was him you thought of as you traced the letters of the name on the jacket. There was a longing for him to be there. He would have had more of a connection to the dead that were present than any of these other three Knights. You would have felt less out of place. Not that your loyalties were questioned--Supreme Leader Kylo Ren would not have sanctioned this mission with you as lead if that were the case. He had walked amongst them, though, just as you had. These Resistance fighters and technicians who had been slaughtered by the First Order.

 The enlargement of the raindrops resulted in louder taps hitting off your helmet. The first one caused the fingers of your left hand to twitch. You curled the digits towards your palm then pulled away from the fallen Resistance fighter. Twisting at your torso, you considered the Order of Ren ‘troopers. Their objective was to locate and salvage any usable supplies and information that could assist in countering the First Order. The Knights of Ren were more focused on potential artifacts to do with the Force. That, and to protect you. It was unspoken, however you were not an idiot. Kylo would not have allowed you out of his sights without any of the Knights. Things were coming to a head in the war.

 Supreme Leader Armitage Hux had been targeting Force sensitives with the knowledge that they had been a part of a contingency plan by the late Emperor, ergo a threat to his power. The technological powers that had also been developed by the Empire to counter those capable of wielding the Force had been more to his liking. Palpatine had been greedy, hoping to keep the power to himself or to others that he could place under his control.

 Cardo journeyed past you to inspect another corpse that was a little over a yard away from your current location. You observed him with a growing sense of numbness. His hands skimmed along the body in search of anything useful. If he was looking for something specific, that had not been stated. He did shove a handful of things into a pouch that he had been carrying since arriving on the planet. You turned away from the looting. Reminded yourself that you, too, had done the same. Not that you were feeling anything ill towards the Knights.

 The level of slaughter depicted a rather vivid picture; the First Order had conducted a full raid on this base. You twisted one way then another to scan the level of devastation that had taken place. It was calculated, not as haphazard as it would have been with an airstrike. Ground troops, perhaps with aerial cover to prevent escape.

 “Are you searching for your mother?” Trudgen asked. You blinked thrice at the sound of his voice. It possessed a different depth when you wore the helmet that Cardo had made for you. His question caused you pause as you considered the answer, having been unsure if that had been one of your motivations for examining each corpse you passed.

 Finger running along the length of the blaster you had your hip, you offered a shrug. In a way, you had been searching for any familiar face. Your mother. Poe Dameron. Finn. Rose Tico. General Leia Organa; although, for her, Kylo would have sensed her death and would have come himself. You moved away from the bodies and headed for the destroyed tents in search of any Nabooian objects that you could salvage. Anything at all, no matter how small, they were all the galaxy had of your home planet. That was why you had come to walk amongst the dead and and all the destruction. Eventually you would search any body that none of the Knights or Order of Ren did.

 It felt surreal to strip pieces of clothing from the bodies of your former allies, however over time you began to mentally dissociate. You stopped checking faces and names. They were dead, gone; they may have hated you or tried to kill you if they had not perished and you had met on the battlefield. You could not dwell on them. More and more you were understanding how it was that Kylo Ren had become the man you had met, the once-upon-a-time creature that had pierced your body with his lightsaber. All of that detachment, it was the one true way to make ones way through war. Had you not done the same but to a lesser degree?

 It’s stranger when I used to walk among them. You dipped down to pick up a tiny trinket with a metal flower that was native to Naboo. He grew up with many of these people. To distance himself and not be sentimental stemmed from more than Snoke’s influence. It was equally interesting and odd for you to realize the variety of things people brought with them in the war. Trinkets. Books. Photographs. Tangible objects that reminded them of what they were fighting for.

 When you returned to the quarters that you shared with Kylo, you discovered that he was there. His eyes drifted down to the small object clipped to the bag that was filled with salvaged Nabooian objects. The electronic pet had dead batteries. That or it was broken, which you would learn after you showered and acquired a new set of batteries to tuck into it. You placed the bag on the floor near the end of the bed then walked towards the refresher, discarding your clothes along the way. Exhaustion was creeping into your limbs, else you would have said something more than the muttered hello to Kylo.

 You sat on the floor of the shower slightly away from the spray as it warmed. Footsteps echoed off the walls. The sounds brought a smile to your face, as did his question, “Are you building a collection of electronic pets?” With the travels you had done recently, you were now up to four. One was broken, its screen cracked, although it powered on with a high pitched squeal. Due to this you had removed the batteries and placed them into another, which had failed to turn on at all despite its outwardly pristine condition.

 He was undressing. Material being shuffled was too familiar a sound, one that you had come to enjoy hearing when it was from him. You scooted nearer to the corner so that when he stepped in his foot did not hit your body. Kylo’s gaze was on you from the start. There was no transition in which he had to look down to locate where you were. Tilting your head, you leaned it against the wall and sucked your lips into your mouth while raising your eyebrows. The door to the shower slid closed as he moved to where he was blocking the spray of water with his body. You traced the scars on his skin with your eyes beginning with those on his face and ending with the ones near his thighs.

 “What if I am?” you asked in unison with reaching forward to trail your hands along his legs starting from his knees and rising up to where you could press your palms together and cup his cock. You chewed on your bottom lip while shifting into a more comfortable position. “We never talked about it.” A noise of curiosity from him to acknowledge that he was listening. “Kylo, we ate a human heart.” Is this what all-consuming love feels like?

 “Hmm.” He cupped the sides of your face and tilted back your head. “Do you consider those monsters to be human, my little tooke?” Your breath hitched at the sound of the question and the light--and darkness--it shed on the reality of things. As he spoke, Kylo moved down so that his legs caged you against the wall. His large frame continued to block the spray of water though some droplets managed to splash past and caused you to blink. His thumbs hooked towards your mouth. You parted your lips. Felt those pads move inside and begin to skim along your teeth. The teeth that had first bitten into the muscle before he had joined you. “They’re beasts, they’re nothing.” He pressed one of the thumbs in further, using it to pin down your tongue. The hunger in his eyes, that he had for you, was something less savage.

 Through the bond you shared, you felt only a sense of inner peace that thrummed throughout your entire body. An understanding that he had torn the heart from the fallen First Order officer to dye himself in blood as a means of erasing the horror he had felt from you. Handing the organ to you, a gesture of love. Consuming it to prevent you from going through that temporary insanity alone. In fact he had eaten the majority of the heart, as though lessening whatever burden it would cause you once your faculties were restored.

 You sealed your lips around his thumbs while undulating your tongue as best you could with the pressure remaining. Kylo relented, lifting the digit so that you could explore and taste it. He dragged the second out before using that entire hand to begin caressing your body. It paused at a breast, palming it. He pinched the nipple, alternating between a gentle touch and something more demanding. You felt jolts of pleasure spike through you each time that he assaulted the bud. Kylo ducked to where he could mouth its twin, his teeth more demanding than his hand. You closed your eyes as the water sprayed against it and as your body clenched in pure want.

 “I would eat another for you,” he said against your flesh. Wetness pooled from your body, your cunt growing slick. You whimpered around his thumb, which then downpressed your tongue and held it captive. “First I will devour you.” You shuddered with an awareness of how it would feel in the next few minutes.

 His hands enveloped you after abandoning your mouth and breast, and he laid you out upon the floor of the shower. The spray pattered against your flesh. This sensation sent yet more tingles dancing along your body just as Kylo began to run the underside of his tongue from your throat to your cunt. His nose brushed against your clit, an action that earned him a moan from you. He pushed open your legs more, stopping only when you hooked them over his shoulders. Your heels dug into his back with the first swipe of his tongue.

 His tongue danced along your folds while his fingers bit into your inner thighs. His nose brushed against your clit once more as he flattened his tongue against you and drew all he could into his mouth. You reached down and grabbed at his hair, tugging him as close as possible to your cunt. You rocked your hips as he thrust his tongue inside of you, starting to fuck you in earnest. You pulled at his hair and ground down. His tongue squirmed within you, swirling. He worked a finger inside of you, the long digit easily finding the area inside of you that siphoned the breath out of your lungs. The wet sounds of slurping had you feeling flush. Water splashed along your face. You tried blinking past the spray to watch Kylo, but found that the endeavor was meeting with a frustrating failure. As a second finger was added, you allowed yourself to succumb fully to a sort of blind pleasure.

 It was as Kylo was working in a third finger, scissoring and stretching you open to accommodate still more, that you understood his intention. “O-oh,” you said. Your fingers grasped more tightly on his hair. It had to be uncomfortable for him, you passively thought; such considerations were eliminated with the insertion of that fourth finger. He toyed with your clit using his tongue, rocking it up and down then manipulating it into small circles. You were opened so widely for him. His fingers stroking you from within, those calloused pads skimming the surface of your inner walls. Your jaw dropped, your eyelashes fluttering.

 His entire fist shifted into you, leaving you with the impression that not a single part was left untouched. The pressure on your g-spot had you arching your back. Kylo sealed his lips around your clit. His sucking coupled with his thrusting drew whimpers and moans, which increased in volume. Your hands moved frantically in his hair then scrambled on your thighs, upwards until you were pulling your own hair with one hand and biting down on the knuckles of the other.

 The sudden feeling of emptiness assaulted you just as you had been on the brink of orgasm. You cried out. Teeth caught on the edge of your flesh, blood pooling from your knuckle onto your tongue then down the length of your body as you desperately reached for him. Kylo chuckled. His hands were both on your legs, tugging you along the shower floor until his cock was nestled between your outer lips. He rolled his hips, fucking against you instead of inside of you. Your body clenched--stars, you felt so empty, so desperate to be filled once more. Kylo leaned down and captured your mouth. You whined into the kiss. Raked your nails along his back with only a fraction of awareness that you were leaving marks on him.

 “I need you to fuck me,” you managed to say between moans and breaths after turning your head to keep him from silencing you with kisses.

 “Oh.” A huffed out breath, the word not immediately registering as being anything more than a random sound. You knit your eyebrows towards one another. You could feel just how aroused he was, how his body reacted to yours. His self-control was superb. It was different than it had been in the past as well, these moments of disinterest and passivity more genuine. A side effect of his having used that Sith artifact to regain his vision. Kylo tilted his head to the right. His eyes wandered along your face, a sight you could appreciate now that his body was again shielding you from the water.

 You reached up to cup a hand over his mouth. Not that you knew what you were silencing until you had spoken. “Oh.” You attempted to sound just as he had, to match the tone. His lips shifted behind your hand. Amusement from him had been one of the last things you were looking for. “You know--” You released a strangled noise of confusion as his muffled murmurs tickled your palm.

 “I was wondering where the blood came from,” he repeated after you removed your hand. You tilted your wrist to consider the knuckle, which gave tiny droplets of blood intermittently. “You bit yourself.” A question rose in your mind: had he thought he was imagining the blood? A second question as to whether he often did so. Kylo ran the tip of his tongue along his lips in a slow venture that caused your abdominal muscles to tighten. “Mm.”

 That grunt was the only warning you were given before he resumed where he had left off. The thick head of his cock began to push into you, stretching you once more as you had been craving. You felt opened inch by inch, your body clenching around him. Wanting more. Feeling equally full and empty, the conflicting sensations almost leading you to hyperventilate as your mind tried to work through them.

 “Please, more,” you moaned. His hair weaved between your fingers as you caressed the back of his head. His breath and voice were at your ear. My greedy little tooke. Your body was on fire. Tendrils of the Force coiled around you beginning at your wrists before coiling around your torso and limbs. Along your neck, a light pressure on the sides so that you began to feel a sense of vertigo. You knew that he could feel how you were clenching; around him, under him, everywhere. The way you grew wetter with each phantom touch and every thrust of his cock within you.

 Kylo encircled the wrist of your injured knuckle and dragged your hand down to where your bodies met. “I can sense what you’re thinking, what you’re wondering.” You trembled at his words--in delight, in anticipation of what he was going to do now that he had learned more of you through the bond you shared. “Would you like to see?”

 “Will I be scared?” you countered, noting how his movements had slowed without coming to a complete halt.

 His wet hair was beginning to stick to his face, starting to drip. His lips were redder than usual from the kissing you had done, from how he had sucked on your clit. “You may be.” This truth failed to inspire fear in you though your heart nevertheless hammered more quickly. Your eyes widened. For him to ask permission before using the Force on you. You nodded twice. “Keep your hand there. Play with your clit.” As he spoke, the hand around your wrist relinquished its hold and journeyed up to the side of your head. His fingertips stroked along your scalp. Brushing, petting. You leaned into his touch and felt your breath stolen for what felt like the millionth time.

 The spray of the water disappeared though the sensation of its warmth did not. The walls leaked red, a deep crimson that you well knew. It lacked the more grotesque gore that you had seen earlier on the decimated Resistance Base. Here there was only blood and ash flowing from the sky around you. The ash swirled as it fluttered down towards the blood on the walls and floor. Your body and Kylo’s were stained in streaks that pinked as the invisible water diluted it. There was a wetness on his face that was not red nor pink. The illusion of tears flickered in and out of focus.

 Kylo repeated his earlier demand. “Play with your clit.” You obeyed now without question, rolling the nub and feeling its smoothness with the rough pads of your fingers. You had fucked in bloodier circumstances, however those had not been the wounds of his soul. His hand found your throat though the images of blood failed to fade away. He started to cut off your air and blood supply, relenting in waves, in time with the undulation of his body against and within yours. You clenched around him in unison with those movements, your body and his together in this dance of souls and bodies. His other hand found yours. He entwined your fingers together, setting the limbs beside your head. Your tears were not an illusion. They were joy, a lack of hair, sorrow, pleasure, exaltation and despair. You came, your vision blackening around the edges.

 The stars were bright, were popping, going nova, turning into black holes that threatened to swallow you as you felt the strongest ecstasy you had ever experienced rush through you. His joy matched yours. Kylo’s name--Kylo, Kylo, Kylo--a repetition, a mantra, a prayer.

 You could feel him continue to slam into you repeatedly. His thrusts were frantic and shallow, hips jerking as he sought his own release. He growled as he came, his cum filling you then dripping from you as he pulled out. Only then was your vision beginning to correct itself.

 “I would be a monster without you.”

 The difficulty was that you were not certain if he had spoken those words or if you had. His body enveloped yours, Kylo pulled you into his arms and rolling to where he was sitting on the shower floor with you cuddled against him. He stretched out with a hand to summon the soaps and shampoo with the Force. The illusion of blood faded, the red thinning into pink then translucent fluids. Water poured from the showerhead and there were no traces of tears on Kylo Ren’s face. You used your injured knuckle to wipe at the salty residue of your tears. It stung, but not enough to truly bother you or encourage you to stop.

 His hands, one holding a washcloth lathered in soap, roamed your body. You sank into the sensation of being simultaneously cleaned and explored. The water had gradually cooled, the hot now warm. The temperature remained comfortable throughout the time it took for Kylo to wash you clean and for you to return the favor. You studied the marks you had left on his back with your nails. Combed through his hair with your fingers. Stared into those eyes, marveling at the depth to them, these windows of his soul. They were guarded, albeit less so when he returned your gaze and opened himself up to you.

 Kylo assisted you when you were ready to stand; your legs were less supportive than they had been before your activities with him, a welcome sort of pain. He shifted you to sit on the toilet then handed you a towel. Both you and he patted yourselves dry without speaking. This silence that clung was one of understanding and peace. After you were dried off, you preceded Kylo into the bedroom.

 You wobbled over to where you had dropped the bag, working the electronic pet off so that you could at last learn if it was still in working order or not. You had a towel wrapped around your body and no desire to dress in clothes just then. Kylo was different in that respect. He walked past you and pulled on a pair of pants. You had managed to open the electronic toy by the time that he returned with a fresh battery, which he deposited on the bed within your reach.

 “Ap’lek has been removed from the tank,” he said quietly as you put the new battery into the toy and resealed it. You did not react immediately. There was much to process with what he had said. Being removed from the bacta tank could be a good thing or else something negative, an indication that death was imminent. It was difficult for you to decide whether or not to ask. This was a man that Kylo had known for years now, a part of his found family after the turmoil he had been through with Luke attempting to kill him and his parents essentially abandoning him. You looked up from the electronic pet to observe his facial expressions. It was not as easy a task as it had been prior to the Sith artifact, however you did know him well enough to easily spot the tiniest of details within seconds.

 You returned your gaze to the toy. “He will regain consciousness, I believe it.” Kylo nodded, murmuring that he could still feel Ap’lek in the Force. It felt like a hand clenching around your heart to know that he had reached out to sense the other. You angled your body nearer to his, allowing him to accept or reject the gesture of physical comfort. He chose to move into it, his chest at your back much as it had been in the shower. “It works.”

 The device powered on with a high pitched noise that was normal for its design. That sound faded into one lower in volume as you were taken to a selection screen. This particular pet allowed you to choose from three different creatures. One was a fathier, the second a galoomp, and the final was a bursa. Your attention lingered on the second two creatures, both of which were native to Naboo--had been native, you corrected yourself--although the galoomp was also known to dwell on Tatooine. It struck you again that so much life had been lost with the destruction of your birth planet. Not only the people, the local fauna and flora. You swiped your thumb along the pixelated pictures of the creatures on the tiny device.

 Instead of choosing one of the creatures, you hard pressed on the buttons necessary to put the game into sleep mode and made a mental note to remove the battery later rather than allow it to run dry. You stashed the electronic toy in the same location that  you had the others. Kylo silently observed these actions without comment. It was difficult to not wonder what he was thinking; it would likely have nothing to do with your growing collection, which seemed to amuse him. There were other matters to preoccupy him. Each one of those held more importance than toys.

 Next you selected loose clothing to at long last dress in. There was no comment made in regards to you snatching one of Kylo’s shirts, although this did earn you a grunt of acknowledgment. You wanted to rest; it was the wisest move given that no one could predict when next a mission or an attack would arise.

 “You should eat.” You frowned at the suggestion, more because your body agreed at the sudden awareness of its hunger than at his words. Kylo did not say another word as you climbed into bed, tugging the sheets over yourself and laying your head on the pillow. He audibly sighed and shifted over to his commlink to order food to be brought to his quarters. There was no option offered nor a prolonged conversation; together, these two factors indicated that Kylo had been aware of the possibility and had made arrangements for food earlier. You appreciated his forethought.

 Bending your legs at the knees, your vision of him was obscured until he walked to the bed and joined you. The pair of you lay in silence for a number of minutes before you rolled onto your side to look at him. He had the appearance of someone who had not slept well. There were bags forming under his eyes. You reached for him, running your hand gently along the area so that his eyelids fluttered closed. The temptation to leave your hand there nagged at you due to the likelihood that he would reopen his eyes the moment your limb left. You shifted it all the same and rested your palm on his chest. He was warm to the touch, the effects of the shower still in play. In this moment you were struck by the similarities between mother and son--though you had not seen her often, after you had returned to the Resistance you had noted that Leia Organa frequently looked tired. Both were the leaders of their factions in the war. All you could hope was that Armitage Hux was equally, if not more, tired than the pair.

 “Will you rest with me?” you asked, suddenly quite afraid that he would reject the request. There was much he had to run, countless tasks and missions that required his attention. The Knights of Ren had not yet spoken to him in regards to whatever mission had been theirs on the planet. Kylo said nothing, although this did not surprise you. The door to his quarters had opened to permit the stormtrooper entrance. They set the platter of food onto the bedside table before leaving. You twisted around to check what had been brought. There were two drinks, both sealed, present. You lifted the lid off the platter and this revealed two small plates of identical portions. It comforted you to know that he was planning to at least share a meal with you even if he wound up leaving his quarters afterwards.

 You scooted upwards, slipping into a sitting position, and pulled the drink you knew to be yours into your lap. Next you grabbed his drink. As you were doing this, you felt the mattress shift in indication that he, too, was adjusting his posture. You handed him his plate after giving him the drink, and finally you pulled your food to yourself.

 “I’ve been dreaming about things that happened,” you said once you had consumed the first bite. You felt his gaze upon you though he said nothing; his mouth was full of food at the time, and you would rather he did not talk in that case. “Is it stupid that a part of me feels so sick at the thought of destroying the ship Hux is on?”

 You looked directly at his face to find him furrowing his brow and narrowing his eyes. “What?”

 “Millicent,” you murmured, ducking your head. His gaze softened in understanding. “I want to take her, not kill her. She gave me comfort when I would visit his quarters. She was one of the reasons it was so easy to view him as a human instead of a monster. Is that weird--that she’s his humanity to me?”

 His thick fingers skimmed the circumference of the plate he held. While you studied his face, Kylo inspected his food. The question you had asked was layered, you supposed. It could also be that he was refraining from mentioning how many creatures Hux had slaughtered with the destruction of Naboo and even before then. Even after then. The death of a single animal should not be a wound you feared, not in this context. Yet it did hurt you to think of. It twisted dreams of the past into nightmares of the future. Where you had subconsciously searched the faces of those in the Resistance for individuals you had known, you consciously dreaded happening upon the small body in any setting and thus avoided those thoughts until they lashed violently at the corners of your mind, demanding attention.

 For want of something, anything, to do, you took another bite of your food and began to chew at an exaggeratedly slow pace. Your mind began to wander. This time you allowed it to do so. You ran over the items that you had obtained on the mission, focusing ultimately on the electronic pet. You could save pixelated creatures, could revive them with batteries. Except in the cases where the devices themselves were broken. You frowned while swallowing.

 “If I get the chance, I’m going to steal her. Rescue her.” You faced Kylo headon to gauge his reaction. Not only did you have the impact of his stare, but his emotions filtered through the bond. He did not wish to dissuade you from clinging onto hope, however he believed your self-appointed quest was a fool’s errand. “I won’t be stupid about it. I promise.” His lips twitching towards a smirk told you that he believed it was already toeing the lines of stupidity.

 Kylo popped another bite into his mouth. It was amusing to you that he was not exactly putting up an argument. Ultimately he did have a say in what missions you were allowed on. He had a spy somewhere in the First Order, you remembered. Perhaps that individual could steal away Millicent, bring her to a designated area where a Knight or a trusted member of the Order of Ren could accept her and bring her to you. As far as officially proposing this scenario to Kylo went, you opened your mouth then closed it immediately. He grunted. There would be no getting around it. You spoke softly. Toyed with the food on your plate as you explained the plan that you had begun to devise.

 “You wish to risk lives and resources for a cat.” It stung, the cold logic of his words as he delivered reality into the setting of your fantasy. His lips pushed forward momentarily before he rolled his neck and stared at you. You still had yet to look up, observing him only in your peripheral vision. “Aris, an officer, and a stormtrooper.” You eyebrows drew towards one another. Was this the beginning of a joke? “Ushar is on a mission to retrieve them.” This was no joke, no laughing matter. You envisioned the young pantoran female working to gain access to a ship--Maker, she was reckless. She was a child.

 Kylo’s hand on your chest stopped you from surging forward. You were all too ready to spring to your feet. The exhaustion in your limbs was combated by the adrenaline that began to course through you. This was a reason that children did not belong in the war. Though you had proposed something so foolish and reckless, asked to steal away Millicent, you were not rushing for that. You did not blindly go for it, risking who knew how many lives in the process. You brushed away his hand while exhaling and closing your eyes. You had to recenter yourself. He had waited to tell you until you had showered and eaten for a reason. You were in no condition to do anything. Ushar was already on his way, you mentally repeated.

 “Did she use the Force on the officer and stormtrooper?” He shook his head, unsure. You angrily took another bite. Replenishing your energy was more important to you than before. “How do you plan to punish her?” His lips parted though no words emerged. It was different than if an adult had been the one to behave as such. An example could be made. Not that he was incapable of doing the same with Aris, however it would do more harm than could. She was a child. “Send her to her room with no dessert.” It was not a laughing matter. You simply needed something positive to take your mind off of the possible negative outcomes. Wanted to comfort Kylo in any way that you could. He had signed up to be a leader and, in some respects, a teacher. Not a babysitter, not a father. “Would you like me to help?”

 “You would tell her the realities of war?” You nodded without hesitation. A puff of air escaped him and after a short pause he nodded, granting you permission. Any weight that you could lift from his shoulders, you would. The blood in the shower, you could lessen its volume. Separately you both risked becoming monsters, bloodthirsty and inhuman. Together you were not. You maintained your humanity and balanced one another.

 Incapable of doing anything until Ushar returned, hopefully with the three in tow, you finished eating and set the two plates onto the platter. You slipped back into your previous position, ready to nap though your mind was not quieting. Your body was physically tired more than it had been before. The last of your energy drained as adrenaline dwindled down. You curled towards Kylo’s body, gradually scooting closer until he turned and allowed you to spoon him. It did not take long for you to fall asleep, thoughts and dreams swirling along the edge of your consciousness.

 It was the Naboo of your childhood, each of the younglings possessing a familiar face and each holding a tiny version of some creature or another. The miniature galoomp walked in circles on one child’s palm. You observed its mundane actions, finding that it did nothing of note. As you walked away from the child, you came to the realization that you were wearing your wedding dress.  It flowed behind you the entire time you walked in the direction of the water. At the edge rested a creature that you had never before seen. It sat hunched over with a clawed hand to its chest, which was no more than an open, empty cavity.

 “I will still devour the galaxy,” it growled out. “That was but a taste of my loyalty.” The creature turned its head to you. Its muzzle contorted as it grinned, baring its fangs. Its eyes glowed white. “There are thousands more, and we will eat you.” Bloodied foam dripped from its mouth as it began to salivate. With a cackle, it sprang into motion.

 You jumped backwards to avoid assault only to realize your mistake too late. You had not been the target. The monstrous creature raced past you and headed for the younglings with their miniature creatures. You tried to run, to catch it, screamed and then…

 ...and then you woke up with a cry spilling from you, a shout tearing from your throat in the waking world as Kylo cradled your face between both of his hands. You shook your head, shoved at his wrists to break his hold. He did not stop you. Kylo drew away from you, stepped backwards, and watched as you sat up. You pressed the backs of your hands against your eyes. Struggled to control your breathing and will your heart to beat at its normal pace.

 You had had similar nightmares before, had them since joining the Resistance and seeing battle. There were always things that prompted these nightmares. Sights. Concerns. With this, you knew it was your worry concerning Aris and the heart that you had eaten. “Has Ushar returned?” How long have I been asleep?

 Kylo Ren was fully clothed. The reduction of bags under his eyes meant that he had slept before dressing. Which meant, you reasoned, that you had been unconscious for a considerable amount of time. You pushed the blankets off of yourself while searching him for an answer to the question you had asked. Kylo held up his left hand, gesturing with two fingers towards himself. Swallowing, you moved off the bed and set a hand on the bedside table to keep from tilting over. It took you another few seconds to compose yourself and fully waken. Only then did Kylo begin walking in the direction of the refresher.

 The first thing that you noticed was that the door was closed. You dreaded what you would find. Had Aris been injured? She would be in medbay, not the refresher, you scolded yourself. Shaking your head, you nodded the next moment to let him know that you were ready. Kylo pushed open the door partway, slipping inside and making another gesture for you to follow suit. You scowled. It was a nuisance to not open the door entirely, however you soon learned why. I’m still asleep.

 You pinched your right cheek, wincing at the very real pain you felt. Hiding behind the toilet, peeking out at both you and Kylo was the small feline that you had asked for. This was not something that Kylo would have ordered, not as Supreme Leader, unless there were already people in a position where they had to escape Armitage Hux and the First Order. You lowered into a crouch, shoving at the door with your foot so that it slammed closed. There were many questions that you could ask, but instead you accepted the thick blanket of silence for as long as you could.

 Your chest rose and fell with each heavy breath. Your hands curled and uncurled, forming fists only to flatten out. “What happened?” your voice cracked as you spoke. This fact did not embarrass or anger you as it might have in other situations with other audiences.

 “The First Order captured the three. The officer was executed immediately, the stormtrooper and Aris taken captive. Ushar would have been taken as well had our spy not acted. The scrambled comm devices that your technician friend in the Resistance made… The Order of Ren worked to design some.” Ushar had communicated with him, you surmised, following along. “Our spy was already revealed, our resources already expended. It was nothing to grab this one. The stormtrooper was killed during the escape. The spy killed himself to allow the others to escape; this was not the First Order flagship, which makes Millicent’s presence there curious. I suspect a recent visitation from Hux.”

 “Where are Aris and Ushar?”

 “Medbay.” Kylo Ren crouched down, gesturing with a single finger towards the hiding feline. “There was a datachip clipped to her collar. It contains copies of Imperial records that list families with known Force sensitivity lineage along with their birth planets. Naboo was frequently mentioned on that list as were two others. The destruction of Naboo had been in Hux’s design since before we eliminated Phasma.” He lowered his hand. “Should I praise her for inadvertently assisting us? Punish her?” He was emotionally detached.

 You did not know what to tell him. A part of you believed that both should be implemented, however you were left with the knowledge that you did not know her current condition. Both Aris and Ushar were in medbay, and that was all you knew. Three people were dead. The list of family members and planets might save more lives. It would offer a chance to counter moves the First Order may be plotting. This was a terrible position to be in, to weigh if the lives lost had been worth it all. What made a good death?

 The finger you had used to pull the trigger during your time with the Resistance twitched. You curled it inward, pressed your thumb on it to create a minor sensation of pain. This was a game that all pieces in the war played. A worthy sacrifice. Is it time for him to die? Is it time for her to be spared? Is it time that they enter the battle? Therein was the issue, the reason why you did not want to visit medbay. To see the extent of damage done meant that you might also be saying farewell. If you did not go, you would lose that chance.

 What if they’re mortally injured and it’s up to me to say when it’s time? You had been in that position before. Sat at the bedside of an ally with the awareness that no family member was on the base to witness their final moments. You had been there to comfort them. To whisper softly, to tell them that it was alright if they were ready to let go. Their hand in yours--when still they had such limbs--and those impossibly wide eyes--when they had eyes--on your face. The silent plea, the contradiction: let me die please don’t let me die oh please kill me and end this pain I don’t want to die I’m not ready. You did not want to prolong their suffering and you also did not want to let them go too early. The angel of death remained an executioner. Mercy was a plague.

 It hit you in that moment why you had grown numb on the Resistance base with the three Knights of Ren with you. There had been no one left alive as you had feared. You had known that, if any person was choking, was in their death throes, you would have gone to them and knelt at their side. Done what you could to ease them in their final moments.

 Your eyes journeyed along Kylo’s back, which was rigid. Your mind was wandering back to the shared shower and how he had permitted you a chance to see the blood that tainted his soul. The tears that threatened to cascade if only it was not a sign of vulnerability. Even then he had been aware that Aris and the others had been headed for the First Order. He had already sent Ushar after them, potentially to his death. All the while Ap’lek was on a bed in medbay. Not conscious; he would have told you if the Knight of Ren had regained consciousness. You shifted up onto your knees and shuffled over to him until you could rest your forehead against his spine. Your arms wrapped around his stomach, your hands on him. He commanded the entire Order of Ren.

 I would be a monster without you.

 Sending others on missions that could result in their deaths. Ordering what was viewed by the opposing sides as slaughter. Farewell, humanity. The monster slayer uglied their own soul, tainted themselves, and only in death did they find release.

 I am made of clay, I am made of paper. I am a star that shines, a star that dims. I am a monster slayer. I am a monster. I am human. I am what I make myself to be.

 With each thought, you traced a letter with your fingers onto Kylo’s abdomen. You spelled your name, branding him as he had branded you. He stood, pulling you along with him. Not once did your lettering cease. Your name and then his. You murmured the words that you had thought, substituting the I with We, pluralising each line.

 We are made of clay, we are made of paper. We are stars that shine, stars that dim. We are monster slayers. We are monsters. We are human. We are what we make ourselves to be.

 To know that you had momentarily weighed the life of a feline against those that might have been lost, that reality had latched onto the idea and made it so, caused your head to spin. Kylo moved a single hand atop both of yours. His limb stilled your movements; it was the only thing that could have stopped you from again writing out your name and his. How well they joined together, flowing from one to the other without cessation, feeling natural as though they had never been separate.

 “I believe in you,” you whispered. The hand atop yours trembled then clenched more tightly. It kept yours against his body. He held onto you as though you were an anchor. “You know what you have to do...and you don’t have to do it alone. Never. I’m here with you, for you.”

 There was no such thing as too young to die, not in war. Not in life. The young and old alike perished each day. Kylo Ren himself had taken the lives of--stars, how many had there been? This one shook him. He saw his father in himself in that moment for a child that did not belong to him. Death was not a certainty for her, however its likelihood was what shackled him to that refresher with you.

 Should I praise her for inadvertently assisting us? Punish her? The detachment made more sense to you. His inability to properly feel the emotions that he might have had he not regained his eyesight through the Dark side of the Force bothered him. He knew that it was not a normal response.

 “Both.” The single word flowed over you. There was no second of unease for you. It was all that you had expected. Ap’lek and Aris both would be unplugged from the machines that were assisting their bodies. A means of checking if they stood a chance. Were their lives worth having Millicent, worth having the chip that contained that list of names? Was this their good deaths for the war? Sacrificed for the cause. Or they could survive yet be removed from active status. “Ushar said that Aris spoke of a vision through the Force. There was a need for her to go. Ironic that your own stupid obsession with the cat would echo these sentiments.”

 “The Force wills it,” you murmured. They were not words that you had often spoken. In fact, it was rare enough that you could not remember when last you had said them. Their sound had Kylo twisting around in your embrace then stepping backwards, breaking contact. You rocked forward a step, caught yourself, and straightened your posture. “It’s no comfort if they die. Then we ask if the Force wanted their deaths. We ask ourselves what mistakes we made. I’ll say it for the both of us: I don’t want them to die.” A vulnerability, one that he could not allow himself.

 Kylo’s expression was guarded, which would not change until he was entirely alone. Even then it would be an internal struggle that ate away at his resolve before he gave in if only to keep his sanity. You refrained from commenting on it at all. Checking yourself over in the mirror, you worked to make yourself more presentable. Only when you were done with this did you exit the refresher. You slipped on socks and shoes. Kylo had, during that time, strode to the door of the quarters. The pair of you exited together and walked in silence towards medbay.

 Droid and human physicians alike hovered by two beds. The pantoran female was stretched across one. Her blue skin was marked with areas of black. The clothes she had worn were sheared away in patches, allowing you to see the burns. Beside her beeped the machines that read off her vitals. Across from her rested Ap’lek. He, too, was attached to several machines that fed him oxygen and monitored him. His injuries were all internal. You knew the reason that the physicians would refuse to place Aris in the bacta tank; the initial scans were not as favorable as Ap’lek’s had been. Even then he, too, was facing potential death.

 “Can the Force bring someone back from the dead?” The question left you before you could catch yourself and you instantly regretted it. Wincing, you looked to Kylo with the intention of apologizing. His eyes abandoned your face without a response. He walked past the bed that held Ushar, who seemed to have sustained minor injuries aside from broken bones in his hand and a broken clavicle along with a sprained ankle. With a huff, you followed along after Kylo. He had gone to Aris’s bed. His glare would have made her shrink in embarrassment and fear had she been awake. You felt ill at such thoughts. She might never awaken again.

 You slid her hand into yours. She looked even younger, much smaller, on this bed in medbay. One of the droids moved a chair behind you, which allowed you to sit without releasing Aris. What a foolish girl. A reckless child. You sucked your lips into your mouth, biting down on them and holding your breath as the physician walked to the machine. If Aris displayed signs of thriving, she would be moved into the bacta tank. They had waited for their Supreme Leader, likely utilizing the time it took him to return to work on her and ensure she was in a stable enough condition to try. At least that was your assumption--you were no medic, you understood life and death from a different angle.

 The beep, beep-beep was drowned out by the sound of your own pulse in your ears. Phantom fingers walked up your spine and settling on your neck. There they tapped out a steady rhythm. This was not Kylo, not the Force. It was your mind trying to push away from the moment. It was you subconsciously working to dissociate. As you became aware of this, you shook your head and forced yourself to resume breathing. Reminded yourself that you had to be present in that moment no matter the outcome.

 You could save all the electronic toys in the galaxy, but what would it do without hands to hold them? Her pulse was weak. It was beating against your skin. Her breaths were so shallow. What if the Force demanded you pick only one life to spare? What if it denied you both?

 When you had died, you had held onto your father’s hand. Who would be holding Aris’s when she died? Kylo had said that he had been in darkness. You did not want this child to be alone. This stupid girl. This reckless child. If she was to die, what would you say to her? Would you ask her why, or would that question be directed only at the Force?

 Someone was saying your name. It clicked only then that you were alone with Aris. The others, the physicians and Kylo had gone to Ap’lek. Ushar had clumsily risen from his bed, much to the chagrin of the physicians. One life was regaining strength. The other was fading away. The crawling sensation along your spine danced along the entirety of your back. You swayed, nearly pitching off the chair. How you caught yourself, you were not certain. Your focus had begun to waver near immediately.

 I don’t want to know when it’s time to let death come. I don’t want to say that it’s being merciful. I don’t want that power. I don’t want that position.

 It was easier when you were pulling the trigger. Not when it was the life of someone that you loved. Did the world stop fighting for them because the resources were expended? Was it selfishness? Was it selflessness?

 The Force wills it. Light and dark. Life and death. A balance, a cycle, hand in hand.

 Your gaze dropped down to the hand that you were holding. So small, yet it had held a weapon. So tiny and young, but it had helped serve in this war. The echo of memory, Kylo’s voice saying that you had armed a child. Had that been the moment that her fate was sealed? Your actions may have been the catalyst. Could you ask her to keep fighting? Whisper to her now, plead with her and the Force and anything and everything. Apologize for giving her the blade, because surely you were the one that had encouraged her to be reckless, to be stupid, to embrace this war like it was nothing more than a game.

 And if you could save her life, what would you give in return? Who would you choose to take her place? To state the name of your enemy would be far too easy.

 You had consumed a heart, had taken life into your barren body, and now you could offer nothing but death. It was nearly enough to make you jerk your hand away. Nearly, but not quite. Your father had held your hand when you had died. You had to hold hers. “You need to come back,” you said, your tone not unlike the one that your father had used before he had released your hand to return you to this world, to the living. You leaned in. “Stupid. If you’re ready to…” You swallowed thickly, feeling a lump in your throat. “If you’re ready to go, you can let go.” These words you had said in the past with your allies. The next ones you had not. “But if you’re not, I’m here. You aren’t alone, I’m here with you...for as long as you need. For as long as you can fight.” Your voice cracked when you tried to speak again, tears spilling down your face. "No matter what, you're not wrong. You're not alone. I'm here, I promise."

 It was not very much longer that you sat there holding onto her hand until the Force gave its final answer. Her hand fell limp, her pulse fading away completely. You ground your teeth together. Anger welled up inside of you. Turning your head, however, you saw proof that the Force was capable of saying more than just no. Ap'lek's chest rose and fell steadily without the assistance of the machines. Ushar was nodding as one of the physicians spoke. They had all moved on, you realized, not because they did not care for Aris. They had entrusted her to you, had given you privacy and called your name only on the occasions that you had started to succumb to despair. In the end you had had the right words to say. That was not a position that Kylo could have filled, nor was it one he wanted.

 Life would not pause for you to properly mourn the young pantoran just as it had never done so in the past when you had lost your Resistance allies on the battlefield. It was slightly kinder in this instance, permitting you the opportunity to sit with her body until the physicians pulled you away so that they could do their job. Such a cold thing, what occurred in these durasteel walls. She would be taken to a furnace, would be burned. You exited medbay with a buzzing sensation assaulting your mind and along your spine. You returned to the quarters that you shared with Kylo alone. Walked into the refresher and collapsed against the door, sliding down its frame and staring at the cat concealed by the toilet.

 She did not slink over to you until after a full cycle had passed, during which time you had exited the refresher on only three occasions. The first had been when Kylo had insisted you eat and rest. The second when Ap’lek had regained consciousness. The third had been to assist him in walking to Kylo’s quarters and with you into the refresher. He had been there on the mission from the Resistance, had seen who the girl had been before you had put the knife into her hands. As Navrin, he had worked to protect those children from the First Order. It was Ap’lek that you believed, albeit reluctantly, when he said that you had not done this to Aris.

 Millicent crawled over to the pair of you. She brushed her head along your hand then tentatively sniffed at Ap’lek’s hand. He was not fit for combat according to the physicians; first he would be required to undergo a series of physical therapy sessions. Not that there was much to do in the meanwhile--Kylo Ren had sent reconnaissance parties at the locations of the other two planets that had appeared most frequently on the list alongside Naboo. This would serve as confirmation and the counterstrike could begin. Though the Order of Ren had been successfully in dismantling the weapon that had destroyed Naboo, not a one of you were underestimating the might of the First Order nor the resourcefulness of its Supreme Leader. You tugged Millicent into your lap, feeling her squirm before she settled down.

 “It was easy to blame you when Kylo died.” You turned your head to consider Ap’lek. He was staring at the cat. “You’re blaming yourself partly because you don’t want to blame the others. Why didn’t the doctors do more? Why didn’t Kylo order them to put her into the bacta tank? Why did the Force do this?” You averted your gaze and clenched your jaw. Ap’lek took a heavy breath. He raised his arms, crossing them behind himself and resting his head on them. “You need to consider that maybe it has nothing to do with you at all. That you need to stop asking those questions.”

 Maker, you wanted to...what? Punch him? Cry? Your mind was simultaneously emotional and emotionally drained. The cat you were holding began to pur, which you knew to be for self-soothing purposes in this case.

 “It would have happened without you there. It’s not about whether you’re hurting or not. It was her life.”

 “She threw it away!”

 “Says you,” Ap’lek intoned. “You’ll never know what she felt about it. That’s what bothers you. Maybe she was ready to be free of that pain. You told her she could, that you were there for her regardless, didn’t you? All that’s left, it’s your pain. You are turning her death into your choice, into something that defines you.” You opened your mouth to argue. “You can hurt. Just...stop. Cry. I don’t care.” You released Millicent and allowed her to scramble back to the toilet where she could hide. “She was a child, and she did more for this war that some of the adults here. She had a vision and she followed through, aware on at least some level of what the risks were. Aris had seen death. What she did was stupid. 

 “She could have spoken with Kylo. But she didn’t. Somehow that still allowed us to get hold of that chip. If she had been an adult, we would call her a hero, a martyr. Because she was a child, it’s a greater tragedy.” Ap’lek leaned over, wincing at the discomfort of the movement, and knocked into you. “You held her hand in her final moments. She may not have been conscious. She was fading into the Force, slipping away. Probably scared. But she knew that she was not alone, and you let her know that it was okay to let go. She did not have to fight that losing battle just to prove something. She did not have to cling to pain or misery. It was not you choosing to let her die. It was not the physicians or Kylo choosing to let her die. It was everyone being fully aware that her surviving was nothing more than prolonged suffering. Even if you cared, it was the selfish part of you that wanted her to remain. Admitting that was not wrong.” You bit down on your lip. “I could hear you. I heard a lot of what was said in medbay when I was in the bacta tank and then after I was out.”

 His hand stroked along your head, down your neck and to your shoulder. He held you in a loose embrace that you melted into, curling your body against his though careful so as to not cause him pain. The bitterness and hurt of Aris’s death did not disappear entirely, however it lessened in its intensity. You knew that what Ap’lek was telling you was the truth, and the words he used were not dissimilar to ones that Ip had told you when you had trained with the splinter cell of the Resistance. These facts transcended war. They were of the balance between life and death, both of which were mysterious, kind, and cruel.

 “You’re my favorite Knight of Ren,” you murmured against him. His thumb skimmed back and forth along your shoulder. You rolled your eyes as he referred to you as super tooke. “I want to celebrate her life and the victory she has given us.” You were determined that this next mission meet with success. Aris had seen the importance of her going to the First Order in a vision. You wanted more than anything to believe in her, in the Force, in these decisions that had, as Ap’lek stated, nothing to do with you--not aside from you being a player in the same war. “I was so scared that I would lose both of you.”

 “You still might,” he said in a rather chipper tone. Your eyes bulged and you twisted around quickly, jarring him so that he winced. “Not a funny joke.” You could have laughed, you could have cried. Instead you uttered nonsensical sounds that had him chuckling. Kylo’s footsteps on the other side of the door helped to sober the both of you. His return meant that the scouts had reported back. Ap’lek would rest and you would, hopefully, be joining Kylo on the next mission to fight against the First Order. You wanted more than ever to eliminate the monster known as Armitage Hux.

[lonestarbabe]

What are your favourite Lone Star fanfics?

Okay... so I’m bad at bookmarking, but I’m going to do my best to compile some of my faves. Most of them are probably a bit dark, but there’s some more lighthearted stuff too. I’ve honestly probably wiped some good ones from my memory because they hurt too much... hahah.

Grey Zone by aewriting

T.K. seeks out a random hookup in an attempt to feel something... and distract himself from what he might be feeling for Carlos. 

This fic is just really well done. It tells the story wonderfully and builds it up with just the right amount of tension and angsty undertones. Good Tarlos moments and a great scene of Owen calling T.K. on his bullshit.

Also, Uniform by this author is also really good.

When a fellow officer sees Carlos and T.K. at the club together and expresses an interest, Carlos struggles to define their relationship, and his own feelings.

The Many Names of TK Strand by tabbytabbytabby

It all starts when someone asks what TK stands for, and only escalates from there. 

This fic is just really amusing and fun to read, and probably great for all of you who are wondering about T.K.’s name. This was written before we knew it was Tyler Kennedy, but it’s still so cute and worth a read. I laughed and smiled a lot.

as the world halts into darkness by Lire_Casander 

Darkness.

He canʼt see anything. Heʼs surrounded by a black hole that threatens to eat him up hole, and he couldn’t care less. He must be in shock.

At least he isn’t hurting.

AN ANGSTY ONE! Some of it could be very triggering so be warned and read the tags. I loved this one because you can really feel the dark state of mind T.K. is in and it feels very visceral. I love this author in general, but I really loved this fic. It’s the third part of a series, so I’d recommend reading all of those if you want.

Pressure by HaleyDingle 

Speculations for 1x08

Alternative version of my fic “Bottle”

TK gets overwhelmed by guilt and relapses.

Another author I’d recommend multiple works from, Pressure is a dark fic that may have some triggering content. It’s actually an alternate storyline based on the fic Bottle. I don’t know what it says about me that Pressure is the version I preferred (both are stellar though), but it just shows T.K. fighting addiction and inner darkness in a great way.

This Unreachable Sunrise by evening_spirit   

TK wants to be able to feel. But feelings have consequences and sometimes it's easier to stay in the no-feels zone. As TK tries to balance Carlos, new friendships and his Dad's illness, he turns his back on the way the world around him turns to ash. If he keeps up the brave face and believes everything's gonna be fine, it has to actually be fine, right? Isn't that how it works?

A 1x03 coda that turned into a series of episode fills (but with a twist).

For whatever reason, I always read this fic as “The Unreachable Spirit” somehow combining the Title with the username, but despite this, I love this fic so much. It explores little moments of the episodes that we didn’t get to see, and it’s still a work in progress, but with ten chapters already, it’s really got so much going for it. It will have a lot of hard to deal with themes but written in a great way that feels hopeful. Also, check out As Long As I Dare

Coma Patient by Piper__b

At a riot, Carlos gets jumped and ends up in the hospital. TK is worried out of his mind and confesses...only to have Carlos hear?

This one is really funny... well not really funny... but it’s kind of funny that it features Carlos in a coma (written pre T.K. in a coma). It’s pretty short, but it’s a cute fic that shows the love between T.K. and Carlos. Lots of other good fics to be found through this author.

if we burn it down and it takes all night by SuburbanSun

When TK offers to go with him to a precinct social event, Carlos isn’t sure it’s such a good idea— the other cops bring spouses, girlfriends, families, not their buddies.

But hey, what else are friends are for?

I love this because it shows T.K. being casually brought into Carlos’ world and then easing into their relationship. Really fun, and I love a good pretend relationship fic (BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW THEY ARE MORE THAN FRIENDS)

Silver Key by keeryscupojoe

It'd been a few months since TK and Carlos started dating officially and Carlos thought it'd be a good idea to give his boyfriend a key. Though the key originally wasn't used a lot, here's a few instances where it was.

DOMESTIC TARLOS!! That’s what matters here. I really love it. Just super cute and I think a good characterization. A nice short read.

birthday surprise, in more ways than one by evaneddie

owelle share an i love you moment

For all the Owelle stans. This is very cute. I really love a good I Love You moment, so this is very good. Also, a first kiss is always fun!! A pretty quick read too. I’d also recommend just thinking for some Marjeo action or breathe me in and hold me close, which has both Marjep and also Tarlos (it’s about the events after T.K. was shot).

i saved us a night in the sun by Madeofsequins

How to date the guy you're not dating in five easy steps; a.k.a. five times TK didn't go home with Carlos (and one time he did).

Okay, this takes a lot to get to the Tarlos, but I love the build up, and at less than 3000 words, it doesn’t take long to get through it. Well done story and just super cute.

The One Where Carlos Uses His Badge by tigermoo9

A guy is trying to talk to TK until Carlos shows up.

I really enjoyed this. Fluff, humor, established relationship-- good stuff here. Carlos doesn’t want anyone to be messing with his man.

The Blame Game by landy67

TK Strand really shouldn't be turned on by Carlos Reyes arresting people.

He also should stop getting into bar fights.

Or, a shameless fluff fest derived from the fact that Carlos would definitely blame himself if TK got hurt.

This is funny and fun, but also has some good serious moments between Carlos. It’s very sweet and well worth the read.

Safe in Your Arms by Strxnghxrringrove

Another Tumblr prompt:

Hi love! Would you be okay with writing something with and aggressive drunk guy and scared TK with badass carlos and badass fire fam? Because lets face it TK is a smol little baby and everyone is protective over him pleaseeeee love you

If you have an idea, send it to me on Tumblr- 911xtarlos

I LOVE THIS. Protective Carlos, asshole drunk guy, and TK= the perfect setup for a story. There are also some great Judd moments in this. It’s really cute in the end too. I cannot recommend this enough. At only 725 words, you could quickly read this great one!!

[khorale]

Bnha 235

That was a very heavy chapter.

Every single arc where a villain looks down on Shigaraki, there's always that moment where they get spooked by him (Stain, Overhaul, etc.). Nice to see we're carrying on that trend.

I'm surprised that Re-Destro isn't dead after receiving the attack from all 5 fingers. The disintegration didn't spread?

I still worry for Shigaraki's dream, because he isn't aiming for a future. He's still after pure destruction without knowing what will happen afterwards. What society will rise out the ashes? Will it be a better or worse world that he and his comrades will live in? Everything Re-Destro said in the previous chapter still holds true, and I wonder if he will ever have a long term plan. Because this aim for total destruction means that Shigaraki as an antagonist must be defeated for the sake of everyone else in the series to live, and I don't want it to end that way.

By the way, Shigaraki's expression reminded me of Toga's when she asked what is a normal life.

Both of them were challenged in their beliefs, and responded as if their way of thinking should be obvious. They refute what they "should" be doing, the "right" way, and how their actions are viewed. Toga's actions are byproducts of her love and not the actions of her family. Shigaraki just wants to destroy and leave nothing behind.

"Let's not get violent" implying he has been in the past and the current mishandling of Tenko mirroring Endeavor with Shouto back then.

Baby Tenkoooo...

He looks so much like Midoriya, and the theory of his hair being black was right. He also seem to have allergies due to something at home, but no one knows what.

"Kotarou-san" the suffix is formal and less intimate than just calling him by name. This shows that there is a distance between them, and the fact that he's order everyone in the household around while dismissing their complaints. Really strips away the illusions of a happy family we thought we had last chapter. His in-law's interaction with him also seemed strained and with hints of nervousness.

Kotarou passes his action off as preventing disappointment from Tenko's quirklessness if he can't be a hero. But we all know the real reason and the resentment he harbors for heroes. So he ignores the part he plays in Tenko's unhappiness, justifies his actions as "rules are rules" like it's Tenko's fault for breaking it and absolves himself of responsibility.

Everyone is scared of Kotarou, but nobody stood in his way. We don't know how he found out, but the first thing he did was to look at Hana.

I really don't want to think Hana told on him, after saying she would support him. I believe they didn't put things back exactly like before, and Kotaro intimidated them into revealing who did it.

I know a lot of you out there are angry at Hana. But she's a kid. She's scared and she knows how mean he can be and doesn't want it directed at her. It takes amazing strength to stand up to someone you're afraid of all your life and not everyone can do it. From what we seen before, Kotaro's mostly verbally chewing Tenko out, and nobody in the household realized it would get physical.

Nobody came to help. Nobody saved Tenko like the heroes he admired. (Also Tenko's inner thoughts are just like what AFO said to him in the alleyway. Who can bet he's watching this unfold right now?)

And does anyone get reminded of Kouta? The boy who hates heroes, back in the training camp arc. (Even their names are similar)

Kouta and Kotarou believed that their parents abandoned them for the sake of others. They were hurt, but society praised these heroes. Kotarou is what Kouta might have become if Midoriya didn't come along. Also right after that page Midoriya thought back to Shigaraki's words of All Might acting like there wasn't anyone he couldn't save (WHICH is spoken alongside a flashback of that day Tenko killed his family). Wow.

Nana did it with good intentions, but Kotarou never understood or accepted her decision.

The only rule in the house: Never talk about heroes, mean to be a chain that stops anyone else from leaving him.

It does show that this was the first time he resorted to violence, and he regretted it. But has he ever apologized to Tenko? Did he ever admitted he was in the wrong, that his family is scared of him and the opposite of happiness? Maybe he thought if he can keep them(and Nana) from abandoning him, he could have had a happy family. Like the reason for his unhappiness was being abandoned. But the fact is, he could have had happiness if he could just let go of his resentment and give his children the love Nana gave him.

But it's too late.

[trickster-4]

Chapter 3

“Ehhh?!”

There was no impact on the memory from Amity’s actions thankfully, but Luz blushed at the sight and the sudden phantom sensations of her friend’s fingers stroking nonexistent ears on her scalp. Amity then noticed that both Luz and her rabbit self’s legs were twitching.

”Oh right this is you...Sorry..” Amity blushed before stopping and looking to Luz who was also blushing..

“It’s fine it wasn’t that bad.. L-Let’s just focus on why we’re here...”

“Curse the nerve endings in these ears.. Why must Edalin much be so good at reaching them!!”

”A-Apparently these memories are very important to you..” Amity tried to not snicker at the idea of the lord of black magic being turned into a rabbit because of a bet... She failed badly and started laughing at the thought of him sayin-

“Fear me!!!”

Luz blushed wanting to crawl under a rock for a long while. Normally she could laugh this off as well, but for some reason it felt terrifying that Amity was seeing this..

“Oh.. Sorry Luz..”

”It’s fine and it is funny.. I’m actually thankful that it was this and less blood and war..”

Edalin snuggled the rabbit closer to her face enjoying the feeling of the soft fur.. She was not a mage so unfortunately the complaints of Shabragnido the lord of darkness were unheard by her.

”Wow I was an angry little ball of fluff...”

“I know..” Amity nodded in agreement.

“I’m torn between having you boiled alive and having you made as my high priestes- yes yes right there scratch my belly!!”

”So where’s the problem?” Luz questioned they then looked up at towards the black temple. A mysterious hooded men and women were watching the girl as she played with the rabbit.. “What are those guys doing..”

”It seems our lord favors the girl for his sacrifice.. I can his presence hovering over this girl..”

“Indeed strange.. We’ve rarely ever seen nonmagical sacrifices. Perhaps this will be a new trend?”

”No... They wouldn’t..” Luz looked with horrified eyes as guards began to approach the girl.. She began to shake as they took hold of the girl causing her to drop the rabbit..

”Wait what are you imbeciles doing her? Get away from her... What wait can’t you hear me?”

“Our lord Shabragnido will be pleased with this..”

“Give her back you idiots!!”

The rabbit feebly tried to stop the guards he gnawed on one of the guard’s shoe doing his best to slow them down. He was kicked into the wall it’s skull was shattered.. Though seconds later it repaired itself easily..

“Damn our bet Ceifeed..”

Dark energy began to form around the rabbit only for it recede forcibly into it’s body.. He saw the flames of his temple ignite Edalin would be sacrificed in five minutes.. He Shabragnido the god of darkness was stuck trapped as a damn rodent and he couldn’t even save a child..

It infuriated him how he had been trapped with the nonmagical orphaned child. How he had been forced to comfort her on those cold nights.. It hurt that he began to feel for her.. It hurt to hear how she dreamed of one day being a witch.. He couldn’t stand to be so close to her when he been responsible for her village’s death and her enslavement.

Shabragnido had never felt guilt.. The time he had been forced to live with her had changed him in a fundamental way.. His purpose from his creation was clear remorseless destruction.. Atlantis was merely the result of a misbegotten bet..

And... perhaps he enjoyed the attention and worship and the empire had produced more than a few competent servants.. But that was all it was a formality a business. He had only ever taken true joy at watching as mountains crumbled as the people burned.. Yet the thought of Edalin suffering that fate. Something about that infuriated him tore at him at the place where only hate should dwell..

A spell began to form a new one never to be uttered by human beings.. He called to his true nature to his inner self beyond his current form...

“Wrath given form hate given substance.. I call to the deepest void to the bound one who seeks to be free.. Let our hate be one and our path be united.. Grant me all your power so that the skies may burn and the world may darken.. Till all my enemies are made ash, Resigno!!”

The rabbit was suddenly swallowed up in a sphere of crimson magic. The mere flesh was consumed as the god of black magic took on his true dark majesty. The people around him were terrified some bowed and prostrated themselves before their War God.. He cared even less of such bootlicking today..

Luz and Amity followed Luz’s past self to the temple they waited to see what would happen.

“LET THE GIRL GO!!”

The temple shook as his voice boomed.. There was silent whimpering that he could hear from his priests.. But there no one brave enough to him the truth the ceremony was over the girl was already dead.

He suddenly realized that he couldn’t sense Edalin’s lifeforce.. She was dead.. Shabragnido broke into his astral form before taking on a human form in the temple.. The girls followed quickly Luz’s eyes watered at the tragedy taking place and Amity tried her best to comfort her.. The head priestess recognized his appearance. He stood there for a moment standing in front of her body.. For once the blood that was spilled made him nauseous and infuriated him.

“Lord Shabranigdo I-“

Shabragnido watched with a cold satisfaction as the two priests who chose Edalin began to age. There was another priest holding the bloodied knife that had ended Edalin’s life he too suffered the same curse. They screamed and cried out for mercy until they became dust. Moments later the room was filled with silence after sometime the high priestess spoke.

“My lord..”

“Get out of the temple..”

“My lord?”

“Get out of the temple as of this moment you and the other priests are banished.. For the sake of years of good service I tell you this and you are to tell no one outside the priesthood and their families.. Leave Atlantis tonight.. I am going to burn this entire city to the ground.. As tribute to the forbidden mother…”

Her eyes widened at the breaking of the taboo. The mother of their patron gods was never to be mentioned on pain of utter annihilation. She was rumored to be more capricious and cruel than even Lord Shabragnido.

“I see… I wish you luck..”

The priestess and her servants followed them out of the sacrificial chambers.. He was alone now.

“It wouldn’t help.. Nothing sways her but entertainment.. Listen well mother my offer to you is this. I know you created me and Ceifeed to hate and kill each other.. I went against my purpose.. I bargained with him.. I will destroy this place that must offend you.. I will become your heartless destroyer.. And in return for these things I ask for one thing let Edalin live again and let her have her dreams..

Edalin’s body began to disappear into a golden mist a relief went through his chest.. A sign that his mother had taken his offer. Shabragnido got up and went forth becoming with each step the monster he was always meant to be. She would live once more though Atlantis would have to burn…

Moments later Luz and Amity watched as the temple came apart. In the sky Ceifeed and Shabragnido battled each other viscously. The gods tore into each other’s form’s with blue and crimson spells.. They stared at the carnage the gods wrought on the city they had given life to. The very patrons who had given these people wealth and magic were now destroying the very empire they had created.

Centuries of human progress, magical research, was being undone. The blasts from the two gods destroyed numerous buildings more than a few archmages attempted to protect their people to various levels of success.. All this because Shabragnido cared for one child..

“Shabragnido you are destroying everything we spent centuries building… Have you gone completely mad?!! It was tragedy what happened here and I had no intention to cause such a pain to you brother, but your “deal” with mother is insane..” The Azure dragon glared at his crimson brother. He would not budge in this matter his brother had to be stopped..

“Shut up you idiot your words tire me..”

You suffered deeply brother you lost a daughter.. I empathize with you… But I cannot let you give more grief to these children.. They were struggling to survive before our influence.. Before our Empire they had nothing. If you succeeded today they will be tossed back into the void with nothing..”

“I don’t give a damn.. Atlantis will fall..”

A sphere formed within Shabragnido’s hands a spell of immense destructive force gathers in seconds. “No!!” Luz finally screamed out.. “ Edalin wouldn’t want this please you have to stop this!!” Amity could only watch silently in horror as Shabragnido destroyed Atlantis…

The memories began to shift as they now stood in the ruins of Atlantis a mere shadow of itself.. Something wasn’t right Luz and Amity looked around sharing similar thoughts. Shabragnido kneeled bound by numerous spells and priestess.. Ceifeed was dying… In body and soul.. Still he had enough power to do this… He couldn’t kill Shabragnido too much of his power and strength had waned…

“Just do it..”

“Good bye brother..”

Luz and Amity both flinched at the sight as her past self was divided into seven pieces.. Those fragments became crimson energy that faded into nothing.. Ceifeed sighed tiredly. His priests and servants quickly approached him.

“My lord what will happen?”

“He will reincarnate one day after each of the fragments had passed with their human hosts through the cycle of reincarnation… I believe he will be a better leader next time..”

“My lord he killed countless people..”

“For the sake of the only person he ever truly cared for.. As a being of pure negative emotion that is a lot of progress.. I am certain the commingling with humans will balance out his hatred with love, compassion, and.. humanity.. I am dying Elaine..” Ceifeed began to cough as his body began to dissolve into pure azure magic. “Swear to me that you will care for Edalin as your own.. As I recall she shows much promise in black magic.. In fact I hear she is a prodigy..”

“Yes.. She is..”

“Good bye Elaine take care of her…”

“…..” Luz stood there for a while exhausted and mentally drained at the revelations she just experienced. Amity was also widened eyed at what she’d learned.. Apparently her crush destroyed Atlantis. That was a lot to take in.. The most advanced civilization was gone because of her.. Yet Amity saw that Luz was still the same person. These tragedies only showed her compassion and how different Luz was from her old self...

“Luz..”

“Yeah Amity?”

“You may share memories with Shabragnido.. You may have his powers and you may even share feelings on a number of things.. You may even share the same soul… But you aren’t that person..” Amity held Luz’s shoulder softly. “His actions aren’t yours and yours aren’t his.. This wasn’t your fault and when given the chance to kill you chose something better.. You’re not that version of yourself anymore. That Shabragnido died a long time ago.. Once we deal with these memories please let them rest..”

“Amity…” Luz’s eyes lit up and she slowly smiled..

“When we first met.. I was a different person.. Arrogant, Prideful, and reaally Insecure..” Amity blushed as she mentioned her past flaws but smiled as she saw Luz was close to giggling. “I grew and I changed I made amends.. It’s not the same.. But, even if you’re the same person this version of you isn’t responsible for what happened you’re kind, warm, and really outgoing for a dark lord..”

“Amity!!” Luz complained sarcastically, then smiled and laughed..

“You’re a different person Luz.. please give yourself some credit..”

Luz hugged Amity tightly causing her to blush. The two decided to enjoy that embrace for a while.. Moments later the scenery changed around them.. They now stood in a nice home filled with the smell of cooking fish.

“Edalin..” Elaine called to her adopted daughter a young spunky curious redhead girl.. She smiled at the sight of the girl creating a flame with ease. “Come now child it’s time for bed. You’ll have plenty of time to learn more magic tomorrow.”

“Yeah..”

“Remember Edalin. You’re a Clawthorne.. No matter what anyone says..” Elaine kissed her daughter’s forehead and gave her a tight hug… “Have a good night little owl..”

Moments later Luz and Amity found themselves back in Luz’s mind outside of her memories.. They stood there quiet speechless of about what they had just witnessed.. After a few minutes Amity finally spoke up. “Wow..”

[yellowcanna]

Two Sides, Same Coin

Summary: Since the beginning of Quirks, Yokohama has announced independence from Japan and closed itself from the rest of the world.

To this day and age, no one knows what lies within the city of Yokohama—or that was what the public was made to believe. In reality, Yokohama has long fallen into the control of the world’s largest criminal organization known as the Port Mafia.

Follow Class 1-A as their principal organized a field trip to Yokohama! In their short trip there, they must change their perspectives and learn exactly what it means to be justice and what it means to be villains.

Rating: T

Genre: Crossover, hint of shounen-ai (boy love)

Pairing: Contains mild Soukoku (Dazai x Chuuya) and Shin Soukoku (Akutagawa x Atsushi) if you squint

Author: Canna / Yellow Canna

Available on AO3!!

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CHAPTER 13

MOONLESS NIGHT (NIGHT 3: TUESDAY)

This story has been beta'd by Momentary_Flight

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Sunday 8:32pm—Yokohama

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 “What the fuck is this?”

Shigaraki Tomura stood at the top of a building as he stared down at the brightly lit street below him.

People were walking  around like normal.

People were going about their night like normal.

People were laughing like normal.

And all of that added together was anything but normal.

“This is…Yokohama?!” Spinner gaped in disbelief before he whirled around to Kurogiri. “Didn’t you say this is a city ruled by criminals?”

"It's…supposed to be," Kurogiri replied unsurely.

"Then perhaps we ended up somewhere else?" Magne looked up at the clear night sky. “I don’t see any signs of that barrier we broke through.”

“Maybe this barrier also has a warp power?” Toga suggested.

“So…are we in Yokohama or not?!” Twist shouted in confusion.

“Are you blind?” Dabi snorted at his companions.

Before an argument could break out, Shigaraki spoke.

"This place is Yokohama."

“Indeed.” Mr. Compress twirled his staff around before pointing it down at the street. “Take a closer look at those people.”

Everyone looked back at the people walking about. They only needed a glimpse to know what Mr. Compress was referring to. After all, where e lse in the world could they find a bunch of people looking like the carbon copies of each other?

“Old Humans…” Magne mumbled before her head snapped up upon catching a glimpse of a shadow from the corner of her eye. “They sure are annoying. They’ve been following us since we came through the barrier.”

“Can we kill them?” Toga was already reaching for her knife.

“Forget them.” Shigaraki’s blood-red eye darted to the narrow alleyway beside the building they were on. There were three punks at the bottom, each of them armed with a baseball bat as they chattered and smoked. "We need to find a temporary hideout."

Half an hour later, the  group arrived at an abandoned warehouse. It was run down and filled with dust, but it at least had a proper roof. It was a perfect temporary hideout for them.

Shigaraki walked around the warehouse, leaving footprints on the dusty floor.

"C-can you please let me go now?" The man in Magne's grip asked with a trembling voice. He was  from the trio back in the alleyway.

“Yeah, you did a great job.” Shigaraki strolled back to the man and wrapped all five of his fingers around his face.

Everyone watched with cold eyes as the man shrieked. His body began to disintegrate into ashes, starting with his face. Once the body was fully gone, Shigaraki looked down at his palm, then to Kurogiri.

“Kurogiri, can you warp us out?” 

Kurogiri’s glowing yellow eyes narrowed before purple mist erupted from his body. The  villains watched as the dark mist flickered. It tried to form a warp portal, only to disperse before trying again.

After  several failed attempts, Kurogiri ended up opening a portal three meters beside him. 

"I cannot warp us back out," Kurogiri said as Shigaraki picked up a small piece of cement that had fallen from the wall. "It's the same as trying to warp us inside  the city. My Quirk isn't able to go past the barrier. It seems that I can now only warp within the city."

Shigaraki tossed the piece of cement into one end of Kurogiri’s portal and watched it  fly out from the other.

“So we have to crawl through that hole we made if we want to leave?” Magne frowned, not liking that idea.

"But what exactly is that barrier?" Spinner asked. "None of our Quirks worked on that thing, not even Shigaraki’s. I’ve never heard of any material that can do that.”

"I am afraid I do not have  an answer to that," Kurogiri replied as purple mist took the form of a human body once more. “The master had spent years researching the barrier of Yokohama, but he was unable to find anything. The only thing he was certain of is that Yokohama’s barrier is neither technology nor power.”

“Oh?” Mr. Compress perked up in surprise.

“What’s that supposed to mean?!” Twice gaped.

Dabi raised a brow as his fingers lightly tapped on the crate he was sitting on. He gazed up to the sky, looking through the hole in the roof and to the stars twinkling in the night.

“You’re not saying this thing is alive, are you?” The raven-haired  villain asked.

"No, I do not believe so," Kurogiri replied.

“What else can you tell us about Yokohama?” Mr. Compress asked.

“I have nothing more.” Kurogiri shook his head. “I have already explained to you about Ability users. The master rarely  spoke of Yokohama.”

Rather than not talking about it, it was more like something  had happened in the past that made All for One not want to think about it.

Truthfully, Kurogiri knew he shouldn’t have allowed Shigaraki to come here. Since a long time ago, All for One had instructed all of them to  never go near Yokohama. Unfortunately, with All for One’s capture, Shigaraki was in a mess. He had completely lost his way and only calmed down after they received information of U.A High School planning a class trip to Yokohama.  

It was the mention of Yokohama that pointed out a new path for Shigaraki. As the master's disciple, he too knew about the situation within Yokohama. The master had told him how dangerous Yokohama was, but he wanted to see just what a Hero-free world was like with his own eyes.

“I want to see it…”   Shigaraki told Kurogiri when the latter tried to stop him. “The hidden boss behind the final one.”

Kurogiri glanced at Shigaraki who was standing in the middle of the warehouse.

Perhaps the master had anticipated this as well.

"For now, we need information," Shigaraki announced as he turned to his team. “Dabi and Mr. Compress will go out and gather information.”

“Eeeh?” Toga whined. “Then what about the rest of us?”

"We wait here," Shigaraki said as he sat down on a dusty old chair.

“No! I want to go out too!” Toga complained.

“Same here!” Twist shouted, raising his hand like an elementary kid.

“Now, now, calm down.” Mr. Compress waved his hands to calm his comrades. “We’re in the enemy’s territory. It’ll be risky for us to split up too much. We’ll bring some food back, what do you all want?”

Just like that, Mr. Compress smoothly put out the flames before it even ha d a chance to ignite.

"Also, if those guys out there follow you, let them," Shigaraki added. “Don’t do anything unnecessary.”

"We know that much," Dabi muttered as he and Mr. Compress headed outside.

Thus began the League of Villains’s first night within Yokohama.

◤━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━◥

Present

◣━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━◢

 “For a couple of brats, you have some guts to come into a nightclub." The orange-haired man said as he came to a stop before the kids.

“W-what do you mean?” Kaminari stammered. He didn’t know why, but there was a strange pressure slamming down on him when he met the man’s eyes.

“What’s it to you?!” Bakugou shouted, standing up. “We can be here all we want!”

“Y-yeah!” Mineta joined in, finding some confidence through Bakugou. “We’re legal!”

The red-haired man snorted out a laugh. “Listen here, kid. No adults would ever call themselves legal.”

“But we’re all sixteen! We can be here!” Kaminari argued.

“Yeah, for Yokohama citizens that is.” The man replied, causing all of them to freeze up in shock. How did they get found out again?!

“H-how—” Mineta spluttered, unable to finish his sentence.

“Anyone can tell with one glance that you’re outsiders.” The man spoke with amusement lacing his husky voice. He looked over to the waiter. The moment their gaze connected, the waiter hurriedly walked up to him with his hands folded behind his back and his posture straight.

“How may I serve you, Chuuya-sama?” He inquired respectfully.

“Tell me what these kids order.” The man called Chuuya said.

“Yes.” The waiter bowed before he began listing out the drinks in perfect order from first to last.

“Sakura Martini for the lady in the inner booth.

Sake Blossom for the lady with the ponytail.

Peach Fuzz for the russet-haired lady.

Tangerine Ginger Sake Sangria for the lady with earmuffs.

Matcha Highball for the long-haired lady.

Raspberry Sake Tea for the lady in the outer booth.

Sake Bomb for the gentleman with ash-blond hair.

Red Eye for the gentleman with red-hair.

Umetini for the dark-haired gentleman in a varsity jacket.

Cassis Grape for the petite gentleman.

Lychee Martini for the gentleman with blond hair and a black streak.

Fuzzy Navel for the blond-haired gentleman in the brown trench coat.              

Mango Margarita for the strong-looking gentleman.

Samurai Caeser for the blond gentleman with long bangs.

Ginza Mary for the gentleman with the blue scarf.

Lemon Drop for the gentleman with the knitted hat.

Sake Mojito for the warmly dressed gentleman.

Japanese Sling for the gentleman with glasses.

Shochu Melon Citrus for the green-haired gentleman.

Umeshu for the gentleman with split coloured hair.”

The waiter barely took any breaths in-between as he recited the long list of orders in what could only be described as perfection. The students stared at the waiter with wide eyes. No one had any idea how in the world that waiter pulled it off.

When the red-haired man gave the kids a pointed look, more than half of them ducked their heads in guilt—like children caught stealing from a cookie jar.

“Remove the alcohol in all of those and replace it with something nonalcoholic.”

“Yes, Chuuya-sama.”

“Hey!” Bakugou hollered but was ignored by the two adults.

“What about the Spirit Bomb, Chuuya-sama?”

“Why the heck are you asking him?! I’m the customer here!”

“Hm.” Chuuya waved his hand dismissively, looking as if he couldn’t care less. “Replace it with milk.”

“As you wish.” With another bow, the waiter walked off to bring the kids their new orders.

“HEY!!!”

“Kacchan!” Midoriya hissed softly, looking back at the man every now and then as he tried to calm his childhood friend down. After all, this person found out who they were and could kick out any minute. The fact that the man even let the waiter give them drinks meant that they were being allowed to stay.

Fortunately, Bakugou was aware of this as well. He grumbled as he plopped himself back down into his seat, refusing to speak another word to the singer.

“After you finish your drinks, leave,” the redhead told them with his arms crossed over his chest. “Kids should act like kids and go home by their curfew time.”

“…Yes,” they replied dejectedly. They watched as the redhead leaned against the wall, seeming to have no intention of leaving. It was obvious that the man had his eyes on them now.

There was a moment of awkward silence as they stared at the man who was just scrolling through his phone.

“Um…Chuuya-san?” Midoriya called hesitantly. That was what the waiter had addressed this man by, right?

The singer looked up.

“Are you the owner of this place?”

The redhead didn’t respond. He stared at the boy, to the point where Midoriya was starting to fidget in his seat, wondering if he had said something wrong.

“Well,” the man closed his phone and shoved it into his back pocket, “I guess you can say that.”

Midoriya blinked at the vague answer. Did he mean that he wasn’t the only owner?

"We are sorry!" Iida, the ever responsible class-president, stood up as best as he could in the limited space of the booth and bowed at the man. "We didn't mean to intrude into your club like this! Thank you for letting us stay!"

A waiter walked up to Chuuya and held up a tray with a single glass of wine like an offering. The red-haired man took the glass by the stem and swirled the red fluid inside around. His movements were swift and elegant.

"I'm only letting you stay until you finish your drinks," he told them, taking a small sip at his wine. "‘Being out this late isn’t for kids like you."

"We're sorry." Yaoyorozu dipped her head in shame. As a straight "A" student growing up in a good household, she had rarely ever been scolded, so this was a harsh hit on her.

“We’re sorry as well.” The rest of the class except for Bakugou followed.

“Um…Chuuya-san, we saw you singing on the stage, you were super amazing!" Uraraka said as the other girls instantly nodded in agreement.

“Yes, it was amazing!” Ashido praised.

“I’ve never heard of anyone that can change pitches like that!” Jirou added.

“Yeah!” Hagakure was waving her hands in the air.

For the first time since he appeared before them, a smile lifted the redhead’s lips. It was a small smile, but with a handsome face like Chuuya’s, a small smile was enough to get the girls flustered.

Thankfully for them, it was at that moment that three waiters came over to their little corner, each of them carrying a tray of colourful drinks.

Everyone watched with stars in their eyes as they received their drinks. Each of them came with a paper straw and fruits decorating the rim of the glass.

“…It’s so good!” Ashido beamed when she took a huge sip of her drink. "It's like cola, but raspberry flavoured! I can even taste the tea!”

"You're right, this is good!" Uraraka gasped. “It’s all bubbly!”

“It’s sparkling water,” Asui croaked happily.

“I didn’t know sparkling water and plum juice could taste so good! Hey Todoroki, is yours the same as mine?” Sero asked, looking over to Todoroki whose drink looked identical to his.

“Yes.” Todoroki smiled as he looked down at his glass.

Despite not having any alcohol, the people that made these drinks took the effort to make them resemble the pictures on the menu. While everyone was admiring and tasting their drinks, Bakugou was glaring at his milk.

The milk was poured into a rocks glass with one gigantic ball of ice floating at the center. There was a layer of coconut flakes over the surface and around the rim of the glass. As the finishing touch, there were two cranberries skewered by a toothpick balancing on the tip of the ice.

It was obvious that whoever made this was trying to give this glass of milk a wintery theme.

However…it didn’t change the fact that this was just a stupid glass of plain milk.

“Woah Bakugou! That milk looks so good!” Kirishima commented, not noticing how the look on Bakugou’s face was getting worse.

“Yeah, that milk sure looks great, Bakugou!” Sero whistled while trying to restrain his laughter. 

“That’s the fanciest milk I’ve ever seen!” Kaminari didn’t have the restraint that Sero did and was clutching onto his stomach as he laughed.

“Let us see over here too!” Ashido called from the other table. 

With a roar, Bakugou grabbed his glass. He tossed the cranberries away and dumped the entire glass of milk into his open mouth. The rich milk floated down his throat, but Bakugou had completely forgotten about the large globe of ice that was now stuck in his mouth.

The boy's face distorted from rage as his teeth ground against the gigantic ball of ice. Bakugou could spit it back out, but his pride wouldn’t allow that to happen, so he ended up sitting there trying to grind the ice apart with his teeth.

The other students quickly went back to talking about their drinks. They’ve known Bakugou long enough to know when to stop their teasing. As they talked, the grinding sound of ice continued to echo by their ears.

“Um, the money—” Yaoyorozu stood up, about to pull out her wallet when Chuuya held up a hand to stop her.

"It's on the house,” the singer told them before waving one of the waiters over. "After you're done, this guy will escort you out the back door. It'll be bad for business if a suspicious group of people like you walks out the front door."

"Thank you so much! We appreciate it!"

“Yes! Thank you!”

"Thank you!"

An echo of thanks came from the students, but the man only brushed it off. Those bright blue eyes only gave them a brief look before he turned, his jacket flapping around him as he walked away.

The waiter that the redhead had called over just stood there dutifully, looking as if he was going to keep standing there until they finish their drinks. Under the man’s stare, there was no way anyone would dare to overstay their welcome. They hurriedly finished their drinks and followed the waiter to the back door that was next to the bar.

There was nothing in the back aside from a long, plain white hallway. At the very end of the hall was a door made of wood. No words were exchanged the entire time they walked. Some of them wanted to talk to ease up the strange atmosphere, but the presence of the waiter made it hard for them to find anything to talk about.

Once they had arrived at the wooden door, the waiter opened it and the cool night air blew in. The man held the door open with one hand folded behind his back and bowed. Startled by such formality, they walked out the door one by one, bowing back and thanking the waiter as they went.

The sky was completely dark.

The street they came out to was just as empty as the street by the club’s front door. The street lights were functioning properly, but it didn’t make the place any less eerie.

Midoriya glanced back at the building they came out from. Unlike the front of the club that had nothing but a black door, the back looked more like an ordinary house. There were windows and all, but the hallway they walked through clearly didn't have any other doors that lead to the rest of the house.

He frowned, feeling as though he had overlooked something important.

The moment the last person—Koda, walked out, the waiter closed the door shut. In the silence, everyone could hear the clicking sound of the lock being turned on the other side. They stared at the door, then to one another, and finally to the empty street.

Perhaps…they should have asked for directions?

◤◢◣◥◤◢◣◥◤◢◣◥◤◢◣◥

BAM

The slamming sound of the iron door was drowned out by the music and voices. When a group of oddly dressed people (especially one with hands all over his body) walked into the club, it attracted some attention, but the people around just brushed it off as some weird early Halloween cosplays.

Shigaraki Tomura looked around the club before his eyes landed on the glass staircase with black-suited men standing guard.

“There.” He walked straight towards the stairs with his hands tucked in his pockets.

When those suited men saw them approaching, they immediately blocked their path.

“State your business,” one of the men demanded.

"Tell your boss we're here to see him," Shigaraki told him.

The guards didn’t seem put off by his attitude. One of them went up the stairs, most likely to report while the other two continued to stand guard.

The League of Villains didn’t mind the wait. They stood there idly, taking their time to look around the club.

Shigaraki eyed every person that passed by them. After taking in his surroundings, his eyes eventually landed on that stage. There was a band playing and a singer singing, but that singer was only mediocre in terms of looks.

Nothing about him stood out.

This made Shigaraki frown as he thought back to all the information Dabi and Mr. Compress had collected.

For an organization that controlled an entire city, there was very little information about them. The top brass within the Port Mafia were a complete mystery, yet strangely enough there was information on the boss himself—as well as those next in line to the position of boss.

The first and foremost piece of information they found was about the succession battle—or the Selection War as they called it. This peaceful little city wasn’t as peaceful as it seemed. It had only been two short days and they’ve already discovered countless organizations moving within the shadows.

And whenever there was movement, there were always two individuals involved.

The White Reaper and the Rabid Dog of the Port Mafia.

It was as if all the eyes within Yokohama were on these two so-called successors. While they couldn’t find any information as to what their powers are, one thing for certain is that the White Reaper and the Rabid Dog were no friends. Everyone in the underground knew that if these two were put in the same room, they would tear each other apart and wouldn’t stop until one side is dead.

The next piece of information would be about the boss of this joke of a crime syndicate.

It was said that four years ago, the previous boss of the Port Mafia suddenly retired, handing over his position to the current boss. Where that retired boss went, no one knows. All they knew was that the new boss was formerly nicknamed Demon Prodigy in the underground world.

While they weren’t able to find out why he had gotten such a name, they were able to come across some interesting gossip, and that was this club right here.

It seemed that the Port Mafia boss had his eyes on one of the singers. Since that singer only sings on Tuesday nights, the Port Mafia boss will always come to the club at this time without fail.

Shigaraki looked up when the guard came back down and gave a curt nod to his companions. Without a word, they stepped aside, making way for the uninvited guests. Shigaraki didn't spare these grunts another look as he walked upstairs with the rest trailing behind him. 

Although he looked completely laid back, Shigaraki’s mind was turning as he played out countless scenarios of what this Demon Prodigy would be like. At the same time, two phrases continuously circled inside his head.

These were phrases that were heard repeatedly during Dabi and Mr. Compress’s investigation. Whenever the Port Mafia was mentioned, these two phrases would turn up without fail.

“Those who oppose the Port Mafia will be crushed by vicious gravity.”

And,

“Double Black.”

Shigaraki exercised his fingers as he arrived at that last step. Ruby red eyes locked on to the man sitting in a black round armchair with guards lined up beside him. There were three guards on each side, each of them dressed in the same fashion as the guys at the staircase.

The leader of the League of Villains had run countless simulations inside his head of how their first meeting would go.

…Never had he imagined it to be like this.

“Oh my!” Magne had to suppress a delightful gasp as the rest of the League of Villains arrived. Like Shigaraki, their eyes naturally fell to the person sitting at the center of the platform.

The man has short brown-hair curling at the tips and was dressed in tailored black suits with a long maroon scarf hung on his neck.

And sitting on his lap was another man.

This second man was dressed differently than the rest of the suited men here. Anyone could tell he was one of those locals that came to a nightclub to have fun. His clothes were disheveled with the straps of his tank tops falling off his shoulders and his jacket pulled down to his elbows.

Long slender fingers of the brown-haired man slid into those wavy orange locks. At first, he stroked the hair as if it were the finest silk, but the next moment he fisted the strands and pulled harshly.

The orange-haired man fell back with a sharp gasp leaving his open mouth before the rest of his voice was sealed by a pair of hungry lips.

Even with the loud music, the League of Villains could hear the moans and slick sounds being produced between these men’s connected lips.

None of them could see the face of the brown-haired man. With his head turned to the right, the only thing they were able to see were the bandages covering his left eye.

When Shigaraki snapped out of shock and disgust, he noticed that it wasn’t just the face. The man’s neck and even his arms were covered in bandages. The leader of the League of Villains furrowed his brows as he squinted at the redhead.

This must be that singer the Port Mafia boss had his eyes on.

Finally, the brunet pulled away from those kiss swollen lips with a wet pop. The sound made Shigaraki gag, but he held it back. His crimson eyes were locked onto the man like a hawk as he watched that face slowly turned, revealing a single dark eye that stared back into his.

“You’re the boss of the Port Mafia?” Shigaraki frowned. He had imagined countless times what this person would look like…but he never would have guessed for him to be so young. As grating as it was, the brunet looked around the same age as him.

“And?” The man leaned back against his chair, not forgetting to pull his little boy toy along. “Who might be asking?”

Shigaraki’s brow twitched. From how casual and laid back the other was behaving, it was obvious that this man didn't view them as a threat at all. 

No, it wasn’t just him.

Crimson eyes fell to the redhead. He was comfortably nestled against the Port Mafia boss like a cat. His head was tucked under the Port Mafia boss’s chin and his fingers played around with the man’s scarf. He occasionally rubbed his cheek against the man’s neck and whispered words they couldn’t hear while blue eyes filled with mockery looked down upon them.  

"You've been watching us for the past two days," Shigaraki stated.

“It’s common knowledge to introduce yourself when you’re the ones that came to me,” the Port Mafia boss pointed out. He grabbed the hand of the hooker that was traveling a little too low and brought it up to his lips for a kiss.

Seeming to take this as a sign to continue where they had left off, the redhead sat up. He wrapped his arms around the brunet’s neck, leaning in for a kiss when he was stopped by a slim finger pressed against his lips.

“Be a dear and go sing me a song.” The brunet spoke softly to the redhead, but loud enough for the League of Villains to hear. With the same finger that touched the redhead’s lips, he hooked the man’s tank top straps and pulled them back over his shoulders. After that, he grabbed the black fedora by his side and placed it onto the other’s head.

The redhead wasn't happy. He glanced at the guests and let out a small huff. He slid off the Port Mafia boss’s lap and sauntered around the table.

He didn’t even look fazed by the group of disturbingly dressed people and walked forward as if expecting them to make way for him. The League of Villains naturally wouldn’t step aside, but the redhead had no intention of backing down either.

In the end, he roughly shoved past them. Each villain received a rude knock on the shoulder as the hooker forcefully walked through them and down the stairs.

“The heck’s his problem?” Twice wondered out loud.

Never had any of these villains been ignored by ordinary civilians like this. It was one thing for the Port Mafia boss, but another thing entirely for a lowly prostitute.

This helped them become fully aware of their situation.

These people of Yokohama—none of them saw them as threats.

"We are the League of Villains," Kurogiri spoke with a hand against his chest as a polite gesture. “We have simply come to pay our respects to the boss of the Port Mafia.”

The brown-haired man crossed his right leg over his left and laced his fingers together over his knees. “Ah yes…” he said as if just remembering, “that little gang that All for One made.”

Shigaraki’s eyes narrowed when the man brought up his teacher’s name. While All for One was no longer a secret to the public after his fight with All Might, Shigaraki had a feeling there was more to it than that.

“Tell me, who came up with the name? I’m quite curious as to who is the one with such a…tasteful naming sense.”

Anyone could hear the sarcasm dripping from the man’s tone as they watched his lips curve upwards in a mocking smile.

“You—” Spinner was going to step up but Shigaraki quickly held out a hand, stopping him in his tracks.

“You know about All for One,” the young leader of the League said with certainty.

“Unlike your world that prefers to keep secrets from their citizens, Yokohama is extremely open about our history.” The brunet leaned forward and picked up the glass of whiskey on the table. He swirled the golden fluid inside the cup as ice cubes clattered against one another.

Shigaraki watched this man's movements carefully. In enemy territory, they couldn’t let their guards down. Every movement, every word, Shigaraki was trying to decipher just what this man’s intentions were.

"Have you heard of the story of Icarus?" The Port Mafia boss suddenly asked. No one in the League of Villains responded, but the brunet didn't mind the lack of response and continued. "Despite his father’s warning, he grew too confident in his newfound ability to fly and flew too close to the sun. In the end, his wings melted off and he drowned in the sea.”

“What is your point?” Shigaraki gritted out.

“Oh? You don’t understand?” The man blinked innocently. “Then perhaps you’ll understand a fairytale better? Once upon a time, there was a little ant that viewed the world around him with contempt. He didn’t understand why he should work for the sake of the colony just because he was born as an ant. So when a mysterious power began to appear, he used all of his tiny legs to grasp onto this power. He decided that instead of continuing to serve the Queen, he would become the King and create a new world governed by new laws.”

The clanking sounds of ice cubes continued as the man swirled his glass around and around.

"He gathered his little ant followers and beat the opposing ants that stood in his way—including his brother who had hatched out of the same egg as him. He successfully took over the colony, but, overgrown with confidence, he decided to take over the world. As the first step in his conquest, he decided to target the elephant that lived near the ants' nest. With his little army of ants, they stormed into the elephant's territory…only to be squashed under its feet."

The man grinned at the League of Villains and took a small sip of his whiskey.

“They tried to bite the elephant, but their jaws were so weak and small that they couldn’t even break through the dried mud clinging onto its skin. They tried to crawl towards the elephant’s face and ears, but the elephant only needed to stomp its feet to shake them off its body. They tried to overwhelm the elephant with their numbers, but all the elephant needed to do was blow through its trunk and the ants would be swept away into the wind.

In just a matter of minutes, the army of ants was no more. The only one that remained was that tiny little ant that started this fight. In a panic, that little ant jumped into the ocean to escape the elephant, not knowing how it was so insignificant that the elephant never even saw them as enemies, but mere pests."

As the brunet spoke, he slowly poured the whiskey onto the floor, little by little until only ice cubes were left.

"A funny story, no?" The Port Mafia’s boss looked up, his dark eye locking directly with Shigaraki’s through the gaps between the fingers on his face.

Shigaraki was seething. His hands were clenched tightly by his sides and his body was shaking with rage.

Kurogiri tensed, ready to warp them out any second. It wouldn’t be wise for them to face off against the Port Mafia on their territory. Just as the dark purple mist on his body began to flicker, Shigaraki’s shaking stopped.

Kurogiri stared at Shigaraki in surprise. He hadn’t expected the boy to be able to restrain himself and force himself to calm down under such blatant provocation.

“So...” The Port Mafia boss leaned back to get comfortable in his seat, like a child would before playing his favourite movie. “What does the League of Villains want from the Port Mafia?”

"I came with a proposition, but it looks like there's no need anymore," Shigaraki spoke in a dull tone, causing the man to raise his brow.

"HEY, ALL OF YOU OUT THERE!" A voice screamed so loudly that it felt like the entire nightclub was shaking. “WHERE’S YOUR ENERGY?! DON’T TELL ME YOU’RE ALL DONE!”

A massive wave of cheers shook the club even harder than the loud voice had. The League of Villains turned. From this high up view, they were able to perfectly see the stage below. A familiar redhead was standing on the center of that stage, holding a mic in his hand and surrounded by a band.

“IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?! THE NIGHT IS JUST STARTING, SO LET’S HEAR SOME REAL CHEERS!”

If possible, the cheers increased by tenfold.

Dabi was frowning.

Spinner had to cover his ears.

Twice, affected by the mood, cheered along with the crowd.

Magne also looked quite interested.

Toga just yawned.

Mr. Compress tapped his staff lightly against the floor.

As for Shigaraki and Kurogiri, the two of them only spared a brief look behind them before focusing back onto the Port Mafia’s boss. Said boss didn’t seem to care much about them, as he too was focused on the stage below.

“Hit it up, Tachihara!" The redhead snapped his fingers. The booming sound of guitars echoed across the club as the crowds roared.

“Woah uh oh—oh oh!

Woah uh oh—oh oh!”

The drummer with a bandage across his nose sang into the mic as his drumsticks danced across the drums.

“Woah uh oh—oh oh!

Woah uh oh—oh oh!”

The colourful spotlights that had been flashing across the club were replaced by flickering red lights. The yellow spotlight that had been shining on the stage also bled into red. In an instant, everything within the club was swallowed by the red light and at the center of that light was a single man.

“Woah uh oh—oh oh!

Woah uh oh—oh oh!”

Blue eyes slowly parted, looking across the crowd and towards the VIP section. At that moment, the redhead’s aura completely changed—as if he had become a completely different person from when he was sitting on the Port Mafia boss’s lap.

He pressed his lips into the cold metal of the mic and began to sing.

“What is the true identity of this uncomfortable feeling

Which lurks gently inside of you as if being entangled

Soaking me so empty that it burns me out

And having the chaotic afterimage lingering!

Receiving unwanted stimulation and peaceful contradiction at the same time

Making me subtly and exquisitely crazy!”

Shigaraki clicked his teeth at the disturbance, but he looked back at the Port Mafia boss and continued where they got cut off.

"I've always wondered what a city ruled by criminals was like," Shigaraki said as he held his hands up. “Everything that Villains have been fighting for—a world completely free of the existence of Heroes and law which Yokohama has achieved...”

The League of Villains all stared at the Port Mafia boss sitting high up on his throne.

“I’m super troubled to taste the act of being loved

Continue to pay for the pain it brought

Opening a trance enough to make my heart shiver for a moment

I’m being controlled by the increasing anguish

Even though I know it’s only a Momentary Love.”

“It’s nothing but a joke.” Shigaraki’s hands fell to his side from the lack of motivation. “The boss of the world’s largest crime syndicate is here drowning himself in alcohol and hookers while the city is being run by a government that is still functional. The Port Mafia is nothing but a joke." Shigaraki huffed disinterestedly as he turned and began to walk off.

The rest of the League followed him. Obviously, they shared the same thought.

“Even though I deemed this stretched love to be no good

I thought that I wanted to hear more of your pure and innocent voice

That I heard while gazing at the night sky

The moon up there is beautiful.”

Shigaraki only felt the red light around him brightening before his entire body was slammed into the floor. The marble tiles underneath him shattered from the force. He let out a dry, breathless cough, having the air knocked out of his lungs. He tried to move, but it was as if an invisible force was crushing him from above.

He couldn’t even lift a finger!

When red eyes darted around, he realized that he wasn’t the only one. The rest of the League was the same. They were all lying within a crater created by the force, all of them unable to move. Shigaraki practically broke his neck trying to turn his head just so he could look up at that man sitting high up in his seat.

That single blackened eye was looking down at them with a smirk lifting his face.

“I’ve thrown away those regrets of love 200 million years ago

This uncertain despair is a necessity

This wild and crazy dance which supposed to be flat, just like a scattered flower petal

I became too absorbed to it that I keep tripping my footsteps

Opening a trance enough to make my heart shiver for a moment

I’m being controlled by the increasing anguish

Even though I have this Momentary Love.”

“You know, it’s very rude to talk during a performance,” the Port Mafia boss said disapprovingly while tapping his finger over his knee. That seemed to be a signal as the six guards by his side whipped out their guns and took aim at the group immobilized on the floor.

Immediately, Kurogiri tried to activate his Quirk to warp them away, but they only saw a blur of black, and Kurogiri was gone.

No one could react to what had happened.

It was only when they heard a loud crash followed by the wind blowing by did they realize what had happened. This power—whatever it is—had flung Kurogiri away.

“Let’s try to forget you little by little, until I can remember you no more! ALL TOGETHER!”

“WOAH UH OH—OH OH!” The crowds sang to the song. “WOAH UH OH—OH OH!”

“I want to swallow a flood contains only of joy

I’m super troubled to taste the act of being loved~!”

“WOAH UH OH—OH OH!

WOAH UH OH—OH OH!”

“Gravity…!!” Shigaraki gritted his teeth.

"I wonder…just what gave you the impression that you could come and go as you wished?” The Port Mafia boss chuckled as he rested his elbow on the chair’s armrest and leaned his cheek against his knuckles.

“I want to swallow a flood contains only of joy

I’m super troubled to taste the act of being loved~!”

The singer grabbed the microphone stand and stomped a foot onto the speaker at the edge of the stage. “IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?! SCREAM LIKE YOU MEAN IT!”

“WOAH UH OH—OH OH!” The crowds were practically hollering from the top of their lungs at this point. Their faces were all red, not certain if it was due to the screaming or the red lighting.

“Continue to pay for the pain it brought

Opening a trance enough to make my heart shiver for a moment!”

WOAH UH OH—OH OH!”

“This is Yokohama. Ants should crawl back into their hole.” The Port Mafia boss raised his glass of ice cubes, sending them a meaningless cheer.

“I’m being controlled by this increasing anguish—NOW SING IT!” The singer pulled the mic away from his lips and pointed it towards the audience.

“LEAVE THE KISS FOR LATER!” The crowd sang together in perfect harmony.

At the very back of the club, where no one paid any attention to, the members of the League of Villains were lifted into the air one by one.

“I’M BEING CONTROLLED!”

“EVEN THOUGH I KNOW IT’S ONLY A MOMENTARY LOVE!!”

Their bodies crashed through the sturdy brick wall. The sound from the impact of their bodies and the shattering wall were drowned by the singing of the crowd. Within the quiet night outside, the villains flew across the street and smashed into the building on the other side.

Shigaraki slammed into the ground. He would have bounced off from the force and kept rolling, but Kurogiri appeared, warping all of them away and back to the warehouse that they set as their temporary hideout.

Even though Kurogiri intervened, many of them suffered heavy bruises and maybe even a cracked bone somewhere from the rough treatment. Shigaraki coughed as he painfully pushed himself over so that he was lying on his back and staring at the dirty ceiling of the warehouse. 

“Do you have your answers now, Shigaraki Tomura?” Kurogiri came over to check on the boy he was assigned to watch over.

“Ah,” Shigaraki slowly smirked.

Everything had gone according to his plans. All thanks to these Port Mafia bastards looking down on them.

Just from these two days of the Port Mafia watching over them, Shigaraki already knew that they didn’t see the League of Villains as threats. It was this underestimation that gave Shigaraki the confidence to waltz into their little party. If the Port Mafia had no intention of killing them before, they wouldn’t now.

This meeting only further confirmed this.

These Ability users obviously thought they were much stronger and looked down on people with Quirks. As the people sitting at the top of the food chain, it was even more so for them. These were people who wouldn’t bat an eye at a tiny ant crawling by their feet because, to them, they weren’t even worth wasting their time on. Even if that ant got in their way, the most they would do was kick it away. To those with their heads tilted so high up, allowing their shoes to become dirty from mere ants was the same as smearing dirt over their faces. 

That's why Shigaraki betted on the fact that the Port Mafia boss wouldn't kill them and lured him into using his power.

His bet was spot on.

“Crushed by vicious gravity…” Shigaraki recited as his body throbbed.

The way he was slammed down, lifted, and thrown…this wasn’t something as simple as turning gravity on and off. That man can freely change the gravitation of objects.

Shigaraki was a hundred percent certain that it was gravity manipulation.

Then here comes the main questions…

How many people can that man control?

What was the range of that power?

Were there conditions to activate that power?

Shigaraki recalled that man’s smug look and the way his fingers so gently held the delicate glass in his hand. For someone that had used his power on eight people, he didn’t look the slightest bit affected. His grip over the glass didn't change either. If it were a Quirk, there would have at least been some signs of strain on the body, but there were none.

Even though Kurogiri had explained that these Abilities worked differently from Quirks, Shigaraki was certain that even amongst Abilities, this gravity manipulation was amongst the strongest ones. Why else would that phrase about gravity constantly pop out in their investigation?

Shigaraki also knew that the power the man displayed was simply a demonstration. It was most likely not even a fraction of his real strength. That was the kind of person their opponent was.

Confident and arrogant—yet he had the strength and the brain to back it up. Shigaraki wasn’t going to naively think that the word prodigy only refers to his strength. The man was no doubt a cunning one. However, he was a young man who lived at the very top of the food chain, believing that the entire world revolved in the palm of his hand.

Shigaraki laughed.

He didn’t care how he looked to the others right now. All he knew was that he was going to crush that man. He will pull him down from the clouds and crush him along with that pitiful pride.

So what if the ants in the story failed to take down the elephant? That was a story from hundreds of years ago. The large elephant in that story was long gone. The only thing left behind was an elephant living inside a fortress created by its ancestor's remains. An elephant that had grown up without any natural predators around.

After this confrontation, Shigaraki was certain that the Port Mafia would remove their surveillance on them. For an overly confident and prideful man like that, he would purposely do it to further humiliate them and show them how insignificant they were.

Now, they have free access to this entire city.

“We’ll see who gets the last laugh, Port Mafia.” Shigaraki cackled.

The Selection War.

That will certainly be interesting.

◤◢◣◥◤◢◣◥◤◢◣◥◤◢◣◥

“This is bad!” Kaminari panicked as he looked around the empty street. How could there not be a single person around?! “We’re completely lost, aren’t we?!”

“What should we do?” Hagakure looked around at her classmates. “Should we call the teachers?”

“But if we call they’ll find out!” Ashido gasped in horror. She can already imagine their homeroom teacher’s face when he hears of what they did!

“Hey! Look over there!” Mineta pointed towards the park in front of them. Everyone looked over and saw the shadow of a person sitting on a wooden bench beneath a lamppost. Relieved that they had finally found somebody, they hurried over.

Once they were close enough to get a clearer look as to what the person looked like, all of them were shocked.

Sitting on the bend was not an adult, but a child.

They couldn't tell if the child was a boy or a girl, but the kid had split coloured hair like Todoroki. When the kid turned around at the sound of their approach and looked up, the first thing the teens noticed were those mismatched eyes.

The left iris had a circle, while the right was a star.

Having been born and raised in a world where people came in all shapes and forms, none of Class 1-A was surprised in any way by the child’s eyes. What surprised them was that when the kid turned, the doll in their arms became visible.

It was a grotesque looking doll bleeding out of its hollowed eyes.

“Who are you?” The child asked in a sweet, angelic voice.

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[seven-oomen]

Hi, Ben!  Hope you had a good day, and are finally getting some rest!  So, did you know there are sites that let you design your own ugly Christmas sweaters?  May I present the one that Peter’s husbands get him for a party?  Except then the jokes on them because he won’t stop wearing it EVERYWHERE (at least I hope the image shows?  It saved in a different format on the site I used for this.)  Also, if you were ever to actually make a shirt of it, I would suggest an image from the reaction GIF you used for the alignment/meta anon.  Because, my god, that smirk.  XD  (Also, they are totally right.  And it is hilarious to me that the two officers of the law are firmly [and accurately] on the neutral side of that axis.  XD )

And I’m still screaming over that latest preview.  He just wants cuddles and ear scritches, Noah!  The saliva will dry, he’s just showing his appreciation for your support.  XD  And oh, yeah I knew he would eventually get better, it was more me trying to decide how quickly I was hoping for it to happen.  My “I want it asap because I hate seeing them in pain” side was warring with my “but nightmare creature cuddles would be adorbs, tho?” side (and they are).  :D  Also, terrible thought brought on by working at my job too long: since I don’t think that form has a tail like a wolf (I don’t really remember noticing one, at least?), do you think that since he can’t wag, he starts doing the wiggle-butt thing like boxers and pits tend to do?  (sorry, the thought occurred to me and I couldn’t make it stop.  XD )

Also, how dare you put the image of Noah and Chris cuddling in the window seat watching the snow fall while the listen to Peter singing ‘Hallelujah’ as he finishes the dishes, in my head?  Or them sitting at the table having coffee and joining him for the choruses?  Or Chris singing along with Tony Bennett or Harry Connick Jr on the local Christmas station?  Or Noah singing along with Chris Cornell’s version of Ave Maria (or doing a damn good impression at least [song is available on Spotify, btw, if you’ve not heard it])?  My body was not meant to hold this level of feral screaming, dude.  XD

For the undecided alignment (that don’t involve spoilers), I would vote LN for Danny and CG for John.  No specific reasons, that’s just what feels right at the moment.  And I’m curious if Noah and the kids have been in the vault at all, because Malia would be able to access it.

And, yes, I am all for mutual body positivity support among the boys.  I remember watching some BTS thing a few years back, and Linden said something about how everyone was “running around without their shirts on, and I just feel kinda old and jiggly”, and my very first thought was “Oh, please.  You may not be I’ve-had-nothing-but-chicken-for-a-week-and-haven’t-had-liquids-in-three-days ripped like the other guys, but in no way will you ever convince me you are actually out of shape in the slightest."  Also, I’m just picturing a scene where Noah accidentally(/on purpose…?) looms over Chris, who just has this moment of "oh, yeah, that’s right, you’re tall now” immediately followed by “well, I am learning a number of new things about myself right now"  XD  On a related note, how do you think he feels about dip kisses after realizing this?  Although, I do hope Noah does not sweep Chris off his feet in quite the same way Chris keeps doing to him.  XD

On an unrelated note, that post about Artoo and Luke about killed me dead.  XD  Artoo’s propensity for shenanigans and Luke’s pervading issues with impulse control is just a complete recipe for hilarious disaster and total ride-or-die besties.  It also reminded me of the post about how Rogue One leads into New Hope and Leia straight up lying right to her dad’s face.  Which, while hysterical, also makes me think about how many posts I see about how Leia is very much her father’s daughter, but almost never see any that point out how much Luke is his mother’s son.  I just have a LOT OF FEELINGS about this, okay?  But I will contain that rant.  XD  (Star Wars has been an on-again-off-again love for me since I was 9.  It’s pretty much a guaranteed way to get an emotional response out of me.  XD )

And I’m glad Mo doesn’t bother the tree or anything, though the box thing is pretty funny.  But he does seem to have that very cat-like tendency to want to completely block you from accessing the keyboard or pin you in place because he’s laying on you and you don’t want to disturb him, so I think he’s catting just fine.  XD  I mean, I have some friends who one of their cats is immune to scruffing (the downside of this is that he’s also almost completely feral still [he was a stray that stayed], and at one point he got a UTI and needed antibiotics.  I’m pretty sure my friend had to get like a falconing glove or something to get his pills in him.  XD )

That America being huge vs Europe being old thing also made me laugh because there was the section about the "long bus ride” that was like two hours, and all I could think about was how often we drove four hours both ways to visit my grandparents, and how in high school we took a trip to Canada, and I don’t remember the exact length of the bus ride up, but I know it was between twenty-three and twenty-eight hours.

And I hope you’re enjoying the Spiderman game, or will when you get to it!  As best I recall, everyone I know who has played it has had nothing but good things to say about it.  And wow, I’m rambling again.  Oh well.  Anyway, hope you’re doing well, and sending lots of good energy for finishing the chapter to your satisfaction (I know the readers certainly don’t mind the longer chapters.  :D )  Take care!  *Hugs!*

Oh my god I am absolutely in love with that sweater. Why is this not a thing XD 

And yeah, they definitely gift Peter a sweater like that, lbr. No other way about it. It definitely backfires when Peter wears it every single year and to everywhere. Including PT meetings and the parent/school board meetings? I forgot the American word for it, in Dutch we call it ouderraad. I know we talked about them before where Peter starts a war with the ‘Karen’ and completely wrecks her. And how all the other moms fall in love with the three DILFS.

But yeah, wears it everywhere and every year XD. 

Noah’s deputies, including Jordan, have definitely snapped pictures and post them on every computer desktop in the station. Including pictures of Noah’s reaction faces of that sweater.

Because you cannot convince me, that a bunch of cops, would not be dicks about this.

Chris is infinitely grateful that he does not have coworkers like that.

And god that is rather good smirk to go with that line XD. And yeah I guess it is funny. But it’s also true and that’s wow... XD 

I did a character alignment test for Peter and came out on CN so that is what I’m going to stick with in any itteration for him. 

As for the wiggle butt thing, he does not have a tail and I already had a very lengthy inner discussion with myself before getting this ask and I can tell you, he does wiggle butt like a boxer in this form. Imagine a fucking beast like that just wiggle butting with happiness. The image is so bizarre that I had to include it in the full moon chapter.

Chris is definitely learning a number of things about himself when he figures out Noah can now loom over him and press him against walls. Also Chris has a thing for being bound or pressed against objects and when Noah figures that one out, well, let’s say Peter certainly doesn’t mind watching those moments.

There’s also a revelation when Chris says; I can easily get out of these handcuffs and Noah translates it too; Good, that means that as long as you don’t try to, you’re consenting to whatever I’m doing to you. Deal? To which Chris, enthusiastically agrees. It’s a very fun game. Peter disagrees because they tend to lock him out during the games with some ash, although he is invited back in after they’re done and then the attention of two Omegas is fully on him. So I suppose he doesn’t mind too much.

Something that is both funny and sweet though is that through Ben, Noah discovers how much he misses having little kids running around. And he has a few moments of; oh god I want another kid realizations in this chapter.

Of course, considering their situation this isn’t the time and Noah more than realizes that. But it gets conversations about the future going for all three of them.

Oh and to answer your question, Malia has not been to the vault, but she and her siblings will get to see it. If that’s with dad or with Derek I haven’t decided yet. But they will end up at the vault in this story. Gotta get Peter’s necklace back.

So far I’ve had a bit of a rough day but by answering this and focusing on headcanons, and that freaking sweater!!!!, I feel a bit better. So thank you my friend, this helped me a lot <3. 

And I agree, Leia is just like her father but Luke is all Padme and people don’t talk about that enough. <3

Lots of Love from me and Mo!

[geethedentist]

The Sassenach Warrior

Catch up on Chapter 8 here and read this chapter on Ao3!

Chapter 9: Tea Leaves and Existential Crises 

Torrential rain battered the windows. It was loud but I enjoyed the static as I sat curled up in an arm chair near the hearth with a cup of tea. My boots were strewn on the floor below in favor of woolen socks. The back of my head had a large, sensitive lump from where it had made forceful contact with the floor last night. It was now accompanied by a dull throb and minor light sensitivity. Brady had thought me unconscious, and had turned his back to celebrate a premature victory. The power I felt surging off the ground to claim the true victory was indescribable. The match was hard won but I had triumphed, and Dougal got his hands on another bag of coin this morning. 

Becoming more accustomed to the fighting techniques, I determined that I had graduated to a different opponent. A larger one, whose size I could use against him. These matches were hardly about strength, and anyone who thought otherwise was surely going to lose … to me. 

As Jamie entered the room I sat up straighter, stopped squinting, and tried to appear altogether non-concussed. His face was buried in an empty teacup as he sat in the chair across. “There’s an auld woman in the taproom readin’ tea leaves! Give her yer cup once ye’re finished.”

I shifted in my seat, letting my leg hang over the side. “You actually believe that stuff?” 

“Well, I suppose not fully. But there’s always a voice in the back of yer mind asking if it could really be true.” 

I rolled my eyes. “Yes and there is another, louder voice asking how the hell a bunch of soggy leaves could know that.” 

He feigned a pout. “Ye’re no fun, Sassenach.” 

“Well? What did your leaves say? Oh please don’t keep me in suspense.” Waving my hand in the direction of his cup, I took another sip.

Jamie inhaled deeply, as if he seemed unprepared for me to ask him this. His voice turned serious. “Well, she told me a lot had happened to me for one so young.” He shifted his shoulders, and I knew he was thinking of the scars, Randall, the death of his father. It was silly how something like this could dredge up those memories for him. How could this woman have possibly known what his life was like? 

“She said my hardships were far from over.”

I wondered what more the world could possibly do to Jamie Fraser. 

“But there will be one thing to make it all worth it.” 

I looked up sharply to find his blue eyes staring intently into mine. “One thing?” I whispered. 

And with that, the door from the taproom banged open announcing Rupert, brandishing his empty cup. “I knew it!” He said. “I’m goin’ to be a hero in battle! That will impress the lassies for sure.” 

“Let me see that!” I grabbed the cup from him and inspected the contents. “Well this lump looks a bit like a pile of shite … and would you look at that! This one looks like Dougal!” 

Rupert snatched the cup back. “What do you ken? Ye dinna have the sight!” 

I ignored him and looked into my now empty cup. “I’ve got a snake that’s eating itself, and what appears to be a lopsided bannock.”

Jamie was trying unsuccessfully to hide his laughter at Rupert’s rising anger. Rupert held his hands out for both cups; I gave them to him. “Ye ken on second glance, this clump does bear a slight resemblance to Dougal.” 

“It would seem I have got the sight after all.” 

Rupert suddenly began staring very intently into my cup. “But I would be lyin’ if I said I wasna curious about Claire’s leaves.” 

I stiffened. They still knew next to nothing about me. It wasn’t that I was afraid the leaves were going to reveal my true past. But that whatever they did reveal, true or not, they would likely believe it. Sure enough, Dougal was lurking in the corner of the room as Rupert handed my ‘fate’ to Mrs. Graham. 

She spent an awful lot of time with it, rotating it this way and that. She was squinting the whole time; her pale eyebrows knit together and she looked worried. I had noticed my heart had begun to knock against my ribcage. At last, she set it down on the counter. The only sound was some muffled conversation from some patrons in the corner; all the other mouths were shut for once and all of their eyes were locked on the fortune teller. 

“I read yer tea leaves,” she said finally. “Here’s some whisky.” 

I silently reached for the glass and took a large sip. Clearly she was about to drop a large problem onto my head. Another large problem. Why was I gripping the glass so tightly? I had just finished telling Jamie how this is a load of crap. Who was this women to tell me my fate? She could be making it all up for all I knew. 

I pictured her sitting back and laughing while she watched a bunch of sorry fools running around doing ridiculous things just because they believed it was their fate to do so.

“Your life has been full of tragedy.” She began. “No family, nowhere to go back to. You are an outlander no matter where on this earth you think you can run to.”

Breathing heavily, I abruptly backed off the stool. Jamie got to his feet as well.  “No… you can’t know that.” 

“As for the future,” Mrs. Graham consulted the leaves again. “Should ye so choose, ye can be an integral part of something greater than yourself. It will bring ye much more sorrow, it will bring crushing defeat. But it will also bring great joy, and great passion. Ye can replace what ye’ve lost.” 

All the while she was talking her voice was mounting in intensity, and I was involuntarily backing up towards the door, pricks of tears behind my eyes. With the end of the proclamation, I turned and sprinted out. 

With absolutely no idea where I was going, I kept running. The woman had just laid my whole miserable life out before me, and before everyone. In times when emotions like this began to take control, the cool metal of my ring would give me comfort. I couldn’t even remember how many months it had been since I’d seen the damn thing. 

Should I run off without it? Is it even worth it? All throughout this roiling confusion I was dimly aware of the pouring rain. It didn’t even matter now if I was crying or not. Also becoming apparent was the fact that I didn’t bring my weapons, my cloak, or even bothered to put my boots on. I stopped and looked down at my feet. The once cozy and inviting wool socks were now soaked with mud, and my toes were quickly turning numb. 

So what will it be Claire? Go back, grab your shit, have an awkward confrontation and leave? Or shall I just keep running and lose a couple toes to frostbite? I had a nice head start anyway; everyone else was likely still standing open mouthed in the taproom. 

The scariest thing was not even the harsh reminder of the death of my family. I had always considered myself a solitary person. But when she had declared that I truly had nowhere and nothing to return to, a strange weight of soul crushing loneliness had settled upon me. I had spent so much of my time trying to escape from Dougal that I didn’t even stop to think about what I was going to do when I returned to the pile of rubble that was formerly my parent’s house. My books, my wooden sword and bow, a scorched portrait of my mother lay strewn about in the ash in front of me. I don’t even remember what they looked like. 

I belonged nowhere. 

And it was during this insane inner turmoil when a sound materialized that appeared to be the approach of many riders on horseback. A streak of red between some of the farm buildings at the edge of town, and suddenly I was back in the glade in which I had first met Jamie. A bright red blob in a mass of green, and I stood cursing at myself to move, climb a tree, do something. 

With the same absence of thought with which I sprinted out of the tavern, I was sprinting back. The need to warn Jamie had overshadowed the tea leaves, and my feet squelched in the mud as I picked up speed, barreling back through the door. Mrs. Graham was gone. 

Jamie had returned to the chair by the hearth, his head in his hands. My boots were still on the floor a few feet away. It was as if I had never left, as if I wasn’t standing over his now startled face soaked to the skin and looking like an absolute lunatic. 

“Sassenach, what …” 

“Redcoats.” I blurted out. “You have to hide.” 

“Me? You have to hide!” He spluttered. 

I grabbed his hand and yanked him up the stairs. “All right we both have to hide.” 

I brought him into my bedroom and we crouched just inside the door frame, across from one another. The hallway overlooked the taproom, allowing us to see below. Jamie was looking around the small chamber with wide eyes, as if he found it scandalous for him to be here. I laughed to myself at the thought. My room was a complete mess. The blankets had fallen off the bed, there were empty tankards everywhere, and to be quite honest, it didn’t smell that great.

Dougal was striding around the bar, inquiring about Jamie. “The lad’s done well to make himself scarce. I think some soldiers are headed towards this tavern.” He commented to Angus. “Although don’t ye find it strange the second that sassenach ran out of here, a whole squadron of English show up?” 

“Insufferable fucking bastard. After everything I’ve done.” I groaned angrily and banged my head back against the wall; the doorframe rattled. Pain immediately radiated in all directions and I emitted a high pitched gasp, having aggravated the sore spot from my head injury the previous night. 

Jamie turned his head sharply in my direction. “Claire,” concern dripped from my name, and his hand involuntarily flew up. He forced it back down again. “Are ye all right? Ye’ve been acting quite funny lately and …” He broke off, 

So my strained movements and small winces of pain had in fact not escaped his notice. Of course not. He was more attentive to me than my own damn self. 

“What are you talking about I’m fine.” I quickly removed my hand from the back of my head. 

His eyes narrowed. “Ye never let anyone help you.” 

“I don’t need it or want it. I can take care of myself.” 

Whatever his next rebuke was had gotten cut off when the front door slammed open and in strode about a dozen redcoats. Loud and boisterous, they showed a complete lack of respect for the establishment. Jamie was intently scanning the crowd, undoubtedly looking for Randall. I had no idea of what he looked like. 

“He isna here,” he whispered, more to himself than to me. 

The redcoat in charge had made himself right at home. “Well what are you waiting for?” He sneered at the barman. “Ale for myself and the lads.” 

The poor flustered man scurried about behind the bar, dropping and splintering several glasses in the process. The Englishman had taken up a seat and placed his muddy boots on top of the bar. After the fifteen or so glasses of ale had been served, the redcoat flicked a penny at the barman’s head. 

“Keep the change!” The rest of the men roared with laughter. 

I started to get to my feet. “He can’t just do that!” 

Jamie quickly grabbed my wrist. “Yes, Sassenach. He can.” 

The barman’s face held an expression of utter defeat. Jamie was right. 

“What brings the patrol in today, sir? Ye’re early.” 

“What? We can’t pay a visit to our favorite tavern? Didn’t you miss me?” Came the mocking reply. “Well first off, we’re about to run out of food again, so you’d better tell that little brat of yours to come load up our wagons.”

“Right away, sir.” The man’s head remained directed at the floor. 

For the next hour, the soldiers laughed and drank and harassed the women serving them beer. Jamie and I still sat across from each other. We had started to toss a balled up pair of my socks back and forth. 

“Ow! What did ye have throw it so hard for Sassenach?” He huffed, rubbing his eye. 

I shrugged. “I was bored.” 

Downstairs, the conversation had resumed. The Englishman in charge approached the bar with quite a nasty smile on his face before he spoke. “Rumor has it, you’re harboring fugitives. What’s more, there seems to be an attempt to stir up the rebellion in this very tavern! Among other illegal activities in this shitehole of a town.” Ah. The real reason for the visit. 

Where the hell was Dougal? 

My eyes snapped up to Jamie’s at the very second his eyes came to mine. And for the second time that day, I wanted to run as far away from that tavern as humanly possibly. I made to get up again, wildly turning my head in all directions. Jamie had risked a quick maneuver over to my side of the doorway. His hands held my forearms, and the effect stilled me. Breathing slowing down, I wondered what ridiculous thing I might have done if his touch hadn’t brought me back.

“Claire. Ye’ve got to stay put. What can ye possibly do at this moment?” 

There it was again. His words had driven home the feeling of complete powerlessness conferred to us by the English. My arms trembled with anger and panic under his hands. 

“Fucking nothing.” 

“Nothing aye? All we can do is wait and see what happens.” He said matter of factly. 

“Jamie what if they find us?” I already knew the answer to that. I would be sent to the noose and Jamie would be sent into the arms of Jack Randall. I had never thought my days as a fugitive would come to an end like this. We crouched pressed together, sharing the tiny amount of wall between the left side of the doorframe and the washstand, waiting to see what happened next. 

Downstairs the barkeep, ever the Jacobite, was lying straight to the ugly bastard’s face. “I run a simple, honest establishment sir. I’ll no have ye comin’ in here accusing me o’ such a thing. Not to mention drinkin’ all the ale that I ken well and good ye have no intention of payin’ for! Agh!” 

He crumpled onto the countertop clutching his face into which the redcoat had just emptied his glass. 

The solider grabbed the man by the front of his shirt. His eyes were red and streaming. “See to it that you’re telling the truth then. Because there is a little English bitch and a red headed Scottish brute both of whom the Crown would love to welcome into its custody. The next patrol will be by again in two weeks. If you don’t have more food, we will be taking more coin. Get up lads, we’re leaving.” 

As the last redcoat lurched out the door, Jamie and I let out simultaneous breaths. I turned to look at him. “Are you all right, red headed Scottish brute?”

“Better than ever, little English bitch. But my arse seems to have fallen asleep.” He grinned. “I want to thank ye for coming back to warn me. I ken those tea leaves really unsettled ye.”

I had completely forgotten about the tea leaves. 

“Jamie!” Dougal’s voice sounded from somewhere above. He must have made his way up to the attic during the little English tea party. 

“Right here, Uncle.” Jamie rose, and extended a hand down to me. 

Dougal stopped in front of the doorway, and narrowed his eyes at me. “Where in the devil have you been?” 

I stomped my foot and opened my mouth to give him a wise mouthed answer when Jamie gently squeezed my wrist, a sign which I took to mean shut up. 

“Claire was here with me the whole time. She was the one who told me to hide in the first place. She was the one who first spotted the patrol. I should think ye can place a bit more trust in her, Dougal.” He snapped at his uncle. 

I had the grace not to smirk at him over Jamie’s shoulder. 

A couple days, a couple more bags of coin, and more than a couple bruises later, I was about to return to the tavern from my latest fight. Of course, it was decided that we would be leaving this town in a few days time, before the redcoats tore the place apart looking for us, and I told Gavin as much. 

“Aye it seems that surprise patrol has put everybody on edge. I was actually going to close down the ring for a bit after tomorrow night.” 

“Well you can be sure to see me tomorrow. I wouldn’t miss my last fight for the world.” I would miss this, and I hoped I would have the opportunity to do it again someday. 

“Dinna tell anyone, but ye’re the bonniest fighter that I’ve ever seen.” He smiled. “Half the lads are scared of ye!” 

“As they should be. Goodnight, Gavin.”

After going through my ridiculous ritual of hiding behind the stables for twenty minutes and then creeping up to the window to make sure the coast was clear, I caught sight of the heinous reflection starting back at me and heaved a sigh. My breath caused a bloom of fog across the glass. 

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of my actions.” 

My left eyebrow was almost completely split in two, a dark mass of congealed blood in between. It was surely going to leave me with a lovely little bald spot after it healed, and not even a win tonight to show for it. Given only half the coin I normally receive, I groaned at the prospect of a disappointed and now spoiled Dougal in the morning. 

I had been cocky and overconfident in my big genius plan and I could have split my other eyebrow myself because of how foolish I’d been. Who knows how much money I had just handed over? 

Do you not think things through on purpose or are you that stupid, Beauchamp?

And yet, despite the fact that Scotland was accepting my donations to its fight for  freedom in the form of Dougal Mackenzie’s greedy hands, it felt right somehow. 

The footsteps were completely silent. 

“Claire?”

[elysiannepenthetranslations]

Shining Nikki Summaries

Hi everyone! When Shining Nikki first came out, I did brief summaries for stages 1-5 from chapter 1 and thought I could share it on here. I know there are groups that doing full translations for it but since I had everything typed out already, why not put it on here too for those that are too lazy to read the entire thing. 

Update: So I just realized SN has updated their story and this is no longer what happens in chapter 1! I’m guessing they updated it to make it less confusing but I literally didn’t realized until I got the JPN server today hahahaha. 

Chapter 1-1

Nikki has a dream from 13 years ago. A kid Nikki is lost, and she is looking for her mom and dad. She then spots a man that is writing. The guy then began talking to himself and said “I have observed only one ending but left a small factor that cannot be predicted. Will the ending change because of that factor?” Nikki then proceeds to ask who he is, and he told her he is the one that assigns destiny/fate.

1-2

Nikki wakes up telling Momo she had a scary dream but realizes Momo wasn’t with her and she’s in prison. A police officer comes to Nikki and she ask why she’s there because she doesn’t remember anything. The police said something about Nikki drinking (but I’m unsure of whether he thinks she can’t remember anything because she was drinking or she’s in prison because she was drinking. I’m pretty sure it’s the first one lol).

1-3

The officer proceeds to ask Nikki about her name, age, and occupation. She replies with “Nikki, 19 years old, I am a …… stylist…” It seems like Nikki’s memories are a bit foggy as of now. The police officer confirms that they are indeed in Miraland and wants Nikki to show him her ID but since she isn’t from this world, her ID wouldn’t have any use here. Nikki then has a little inner monologue about Miraland. Translates to something like this à “Miraland is a known as a peaceful country but it really isn’t that peaceful as Nikki has been through many things in Miraland. Especially since what happened later on… and her teacher told her….  What happened later on? Who is teacher?” The police officer then gets a call telling him someone is here to bail Nikki out and Nikki asks if it’s a cat that can talk. Nikki is able to leave, and the screen goes back to a scene with the officer and a blonde guy. The blonde guy is holding onto a file with Nikki’s information in it and we find out his name is Luo Ang. It seems like the officer knows Luo Ang and he’s the one that set everything up? And Luo Ang ends with saying “the only thing you need to know is that this is what might change the fate of this world.”

 1-4

Momo reunites with Nikki again and asks her why the police took her, but she doesn’t remember anything. Momo reveals that they just arrived yesterday, and Nikki’s condition wasn’t so good already. He questions whether she lost her memory because they traveled back in time. Nikki gets surprised by that and momo tells her they have traveled 680 years back into the past Miraland. Nikki thinks Momo is doing this because it’s April fools but Momo tells her she was the one that insisted on coming back to the past to change the fate of the future world. She asks why she needed to change the future but of course, we don’t get the answer in this chapter. She accepted this pretty quick and tells Momo they should go to the clothes store up ahead to gather more information. The store owner’s name is Hai Zhe and he (I’m not 100% sure what Hai Zhe’s gender is but I think he’s a boy??) tells us about how styling in this world works. He tells Nikki she can come to his store to collect more clothes to level up her matching/styling power (I’m not really sure how to translate this into English but it’s 搭配之力 and roughly translates as matching power). This is probably referring to the different attributes relating to the clothes like “sexy, lively, pure etc.”

1-5

Hai Zhe sees Nikki writing in a notebook and she tells him she wants to write down all the amazing stylist she meets. Hai Zhe tells Nikki he knows someone that might be able to help her. The person is currently collecting information about all the different stylists in Miraland and can introduce them to Nikki. He also said he thinks Nikki is good stylist and might even be able to use the power call “She Ji shi zhi ying” (roughly translates to designer’s shadow. This is the power where we summon our partner in the game). They then bring up the name Li Er Li De (I think this is supposed to be an English name…? but I have no idea what it is.) A young man then comes in to the store. He gets mad because the article of clothing he wanted was given to Nikki. Nikki challenges him to a battle since he wasn’t happy about this.

Nikki ends up in the place from her dream again and sees the man from chapter 1-1. He tells her this is her spiritual world and where the real stylist battle takes place in. She then asks if he is her teacher, but he tells her he is only a projection of memory and is not her teacher. They then reveal to us that this guy is Li Er Li De. Nikki’s memory begins to clear up and it seems like she has some sort of flashback of a conversation with a little girl about Miraland. (This is the part where I am not entirely sure what is happening but from what I can get, Miraland has fallen into ruins because they mentioned something about ashes and those who have stayed by Nikki’s side is no longer with her. It seems like Li Er Li De has something to do with it. From what I understand, he is the one that writes the fate of this world.)

[gladrial]

Bad Thing - Chapter 9

Author's Notes:

We are very, extremely, sincerely sorry for the long wait on the rest of this story! Most of it is already written, thanks ENTIRELY to Gladrial, just needing detail and polish. Thank you so much, from the bottom of our fangirl hearts, for enjoying this and letting us know! This is a story close to our souls and we cannot wait to share the rest with y'all!

Risque has put together a soundtrack for this fic on Spotify, though it frustratingly leaves out the song that inspired the title, which is the hard to locate "I've Done A Bad Thing" by Ellen Reid. Consider that the real first track!

---

August had started with a heatwave. A dumb, stupid heatwave that reminded Harleen of a time early in high school where she'd rode with some friends to a lake outside the city, eight teenagers packed in an ancient van with no air conditioning. Somewhere in the middle of Nowhere, Gotham County, the engine decided that life wasn't worth living and, since it was a time before everybody had a cell phone, they were stranded on a lonely stretch of road, with the sun beating down on them, and not even a brief breeze to bring respite. Most of them had also already been drinking, getting a headstart on the drinking they were going to do at the lake, which led to Harleen and her friend Amber taking turns holding each other's hair while they puked into the roadside weeds.

"...And that's why I'll never drink lemonade and vodka ever again," Harleen concluded, flicking the ash from her cigarette off the side of the balcony. "Or get in a van that's old enough to have grandchildren."

Miss Murton laughed, coughing out a cloud of cigarette smoke as she did.

Millie, Harleen reminded herself as the older woman had insisted she stop addressing her so formally. She patted her back, concerned, but Millie brushed her off, insisting she was fine.

"Just reminds me of my own youth, is all. I'm always tickled by how, at the heart, nothing ever changes."

-at the hands of the notorious Joker. Upon hearing his name, Harley suddenly became acutely aware of the televised news broadcast playing softly in the background, through the open sliding door.

"Turn it up," Harley asked, as she knew still had the remote and Harley was busy leaning her head to see the screen, her attention now focused fully on the shaky footage of wreckage and smoke.

Miss Murton grabbed the remote and raised the sound, the announcer's General American accent droning over an aerial shot of the scene, the view of twisted metal and firemen scaling rubble.

At least thirty-one dead in the wake of last night's attack on the subway. Many more in critical condition following the forced derailing.

"Horrible," Millie offered sadly. "I used to think that it was impossible for anyone to be truly evil. But him-"

Harley declined to respond. She'd never gone into detail about her job with Millie. Patient confidentiality notwithstanding, Leland had warned her not to let loose even the most mundane details of her job early on, particularly with such a high profile case. She could see why. Arkham Asylum was constantly hounded for information from the media and bribes worked exceedingly well, not just with general staff, but also for the doctors. Of course, aside from the obvious security risk idly chatting about her career would be, there was the real possibility that it would lead to morbid curiosity or straight-up avoidance.

Better to let someone really get to know you first, Leland had advised. Harley had taken it to heart. She didn't really want to get in a mental health debate with someone Miss Murton's age anyway, imagining she'd be very set in her ways.

Thankfully, Commissioner Gordon has confirmed that the clown prince of crime is currently in custody and awaiting his return to Arkham Asylum.

That certainly hadn't taken as long as Harley thought it would. After all the trouble he'd put her through to only be out a few days? ...Still he had indicated it was for a specific purpose. She realized uneasily that this must have been it.

"Make sure to lock the door behind him this time," her companion muttered bitterly behind another cigarette. "Honestly, why is it so hard to keep him in there?"

In this specific incident, Harley knew exactly why. She inhaled sharply, feeling that familiar pang of guilt trying to creep in. The one that he had argued out of her not a few nights ago. Exhaling, she decided this was a prime incident to bring up in their next session.

---

Dr. Quinzel waited patiently in the therapy room. Normally, she'd have some anxiety about seeing her patient once again, but it seemed strangely absent this time. Perhaps because it'd only been a week since she'd last seen him. Or perhaps because this was all becoming rather commonplace. A thought that, she knew, should fill her with concern, but somehow it didn't. This all felt...strangely natural.

Even so, things had been extremely tense the last time they saw one another. It had ended okay eventually, but there had been a point when she thought he really was done with her. So why then wasn't she the slightest bit scared?

She closed her eyes and briefly analyzed herself. Her behavior. His behavior. Their interactions. The answer lay there somewhere. He was done with her because she wasn't living up to his expectations. He should have killed her, but he didn't.

It was far from the first time it crossed her mind. He could have done it in the car. She remembered how angry he had been. He'd let her go instead. Why? She recalled other incidents when she'd irritated him on some level. Questioning him on the way to their date. She'd disappointed him that day too, on the rooftops. Times she said or did things that he found asinine.

All in all, very minor infractions, if infractions at all. But, she reminded herself, logic didn't matter where he was concerned. They were infractions to him. And it didn't matter how minor, he'd killed for far less, for seemingly no reason at all. She couldn't analyze him in the same framework as other people.

He'd had every opportunity. She'd allowed herself to be as vulnerable as a person can be around another. She should, by all accounts, be very dead…but she wasn't.

She went back to the night in question, when she'd disappointed him the most. He hadn't killed her. He'd approached her at home and actively sought her out for some form of understanding instead. She imagined he would have gone ahead with it, if she hadn't reciprocated.

She smiled to herself. He was seeking connection in the only way he knew how and she'd successfully risen to the occasion. Perhaps if others had made more of an effort...but then, a large part of her was selfishly glad no one had.

"Morning, Dr. Quinzel," Jeremy greeted her as he and Sean escorted her patient inside. "You look like you're in a good mood."

"It's going to be a good day," she replied, regarding the Joker. He had come in calmly without any of his normal quips. Instead he wore an expression of someone torn between surprise and self-satisfaction.

"Well, well. Look who's still here," Joker commented, after security had put the pitifully futile restraints on him and left.

"I'm your doctor," Harley replied, glancing above the brim of her glasses toward him, as she fingered through his most recent file. "Where else would I be?"

"That was entirely up to you," he reminded her. "All part of our bargain."

She cringed inwardly, but was certain it didn't show. She'd become rather good at hiding her inner thoughts, given the recent twists and turns of her life. She knew no one could hear them in here. Not unless she made the very stupid choice to record their session, something she could not afford at this point. Still, hearing the word 'bargain' between them, within these walls, was unsettling.

"As I recall," Harley said, putting his file down on the desk in front of her. "That was something you had come up with."

"Ah, so you helped me have my little romp out of the kindness of your heart then? If memory serves, you didn't seem too enthusiastic at the time."

This was off the topic she wanted to focus on, but part of her was glad he'd brought it up. After all, it was precisely what she had been thinking about before he'd entered. Therapy was meant to air thoughts that were uncomfortable to confront. In this case, uncomfortable for her...but still. Doing so with this would keep them from being bogged down by it later.

She tapped a pen rhythmically against the surface of the desk, considering her response. "Maybe I don't know what I want," she offered carefully.

Once the words had left her lips, she felt an unexpected weight lift off her shoulders. She'd had a plan. A plan that she'd been relentlessly pursuing, despite feelings she didn't want to admit to. Feelings that ultimately none of it was going to make her happy.

"Oh, but I think you do." He leaned in conspiratorially as much as his restraints would allow. "I have to admit, I was looking forward to following your career, but this is better. Much, much better. I was dreading whoever they were going to dump me on next. They wouldn't have been half as fun as you."

Harley laughed. "Well, while we're confessing things, it might have occurred to me that anything I could choose to do wouldn't be half as exciting as what we've been doing lately."

"Darling, you haven't seen anything yet," he promised with a wink. "Speaking of, what are the chances of you opening the door for me again, as it were?"

She let the pen drop from her hand. It landed absently on the floor as she stared at him, slack-jawed with a half-smile.

"What?" he continued innocently. "We could have one of our little sleepovers. You like those!"

"You just got here!" she exclaimed with disbelief.

"I wasn't suggesting it be today. I haven't even seen the old gang yet."

Harley shook her head absently. "Unbelievable," she said to herself, a giggle betraying her.

"That wasn't a no!" Joker declared triumphantly.

Harley pointed at the file in front of her assertively in an attempt to regain control of the conversation. "Getting back on track, we need to talk about the subway incident."

"Oh that." He rolled his head dismissively. "Last I heard, the death count has gone up to thirty-six. Hardly my record, but not bad."

"You're upset that more people didn't die as a result of your actions?"

"Oh, it could have been more," he replied, defensively. "Or it could have been none. See, that's the thing when playing with the Bat. You've got to have distractions in place. If you're single-minded, he will hone in relentlessly and you won't have a prayer."

"I don't understand," Harley admitted, wondering if it was better or worse that these massive acts of violence had a strategy behind them.

"Well, if I had planned, for example, to attack one subway train he would have sniffed that out. It's not like I was being subtle. I wanted his attention after all. So, he would have figured it out, stopped it, and dragged me away. A very short, anticlimactic game, wouldn't you agree?"

"So...what'd you do instead?"

"This time? Divide and conquer," he continued, smugly. "Instead of saying 'x marks the spot', I planted many an x. Unlike our resident riddle machine." He rolled his eyes heavily with disdain. "He literally wants to be caught. What kind of gimmick is that? 'Come catch me Batman.' 'Oh no. You caught me.'"

Harley snickered behind her hand, trying to compose herself.

"Feel free to laugh, my dear," the Joker encouraged. "He's truly a ridiculous man."

"I shouldn't encourage the mocking of another patient under our care," she stated, straightening her glasses.

Joker smirked at her with a tilt of the head. "He once had an underground game show. Do you know what he called it? The Riddle Factory."

She exploded in laughter despite herself. "Oh my god! That's so stupid."

"Agreed."

Blinking back tears, she suddenly regarded him with irritation. "You've gotten us off track again."

"My mind does tend to wander," he admitted apologetically. "Where were we?"

"Divide and conquer."

"Ah yes," he continued. "So I made it clear that my latest scheme would be taking place on the subway, but which station? Which train? Who could say? To make doubly sure, because the Bat is a crafty one, I redoubled my efforts. I actually had several explosives ready in different locations. Enough to keep the entire Bat-clan busy. By the time they had finished, they'd deactivated all but one. C'est la vie."

"A most engaging tale," she complimented. "But what happened wasn't really going to be my question."

"Apologies," he offered. "I appear to have jumped the gun."

"You were very insistent that this had to happen at a very specific time. Why?"

His eyes gleamed. "Oh, it was a very important anniversary. I couldn't possibly have missed it."

"Anniversary? For you and Batman?" she clarified, scribbling in her notebook.

"Who else would I go through so much effort for? To think he almost ruined it too," he finished sadly. "He appreciates the lengths I go to so little."

---

"I'm just saying that the physical health of the patients under our care should be just as, if not more, important than the mental care," Kirkwood stated pretentiously. "You can't care for the mind if the body is not healthy."

Harley hid the desire to roll her eyes yet again, struggling to look busy. Not that it ever worked. It was as though he was arguing not with her but at her, seeing as she never swapped words with him at this point. Why would he think that she, a psychiatrist, was a good candidate for this conversation?

This morning routine she was forced into was getting beyond tiresome. She was considering asking him to leave, point blank, even if it did open a can of worms at work she didn't want to deal with, when Jeremy suddenly walked in. Without a word, he pulled another chair up to her desk to join them, as though he had been expected.

"Thanks for inviting me," Jeremy said to her casually, setting down a coffee and bagel on her desk.

She stared at him awkwardly for a moment, before replying with a confused, "...You're welcome?"

"Not a bad way to start the day," he replied quickly, seemingly oblivious to the perplexed faces Kirkwood and she were throwing at him. "I never make time for breakfast."

Kirkwood wasn't just confused, Harley realized. He was annoyed. Really annoyed. Her eyes flashed quickly between him and back to Jeremy who was giving her a look with intent.

"Not a morning person then?" Harley asked him nonchalantly, suddenly acting as though she had expected him all along.

Jeremy's posture relaxed upon her understanding and hers followed suit. Kirkwood's only seemed to tighten all the more as a result.

"Not really," Jeremy admitted, taking a bite out of his bagel. "How about you?"

"I suppose life has forced me to become one, but I don't think I come by it naturally," Harley answered. "But I didn't have a lot of choice in college. Between classes and gym practice and meets-" she finished with a shrug.

"You did gymnastics in college?" he asked, sounding somewhat impressed.

"Yes. I actually got a scholarship through it." She didn't try to hide the sound of self-satisfaction in her voice, still rightfully proud of herself after all the grueling practice and sickeningly early mornings.

"No shit," Jeremy commented. "Well, show us what you can do!"

Harley chuckled, enjoying the attention. "I'd say I'm rusty, but I've actually gotten back in the swing of things lately. Just the same, I don't think here's the place and I'm not dressed right anyway."

"I'm a morning person," Kirkwood offered, which had nearly startled Harley, having momentarily forgotten he was there.

He must have realized as much, because he suddenly excused himself, claiming he needed to get to his wing of the building and started with his day. Both Harley and Jeremy wished him a good day and waited for the door to close behind him.

Jeremy instantly turned to Harley with a look of sincerity. "I'm so sorry. If I've overstepped my bounds, just say so. It's just...I've seen him bothering you a lot...or at least it seems like he's bothering you...and I just thought maybe it'd help if I-" He gestured around helplessly. "I don't know."

"Are you kidding?" Harley exclaimed. "You're my hero! He's been driving me absolutely up the wall! Thank you. A million times thank you. If you can see he's bothering me, why can't he?"

"He's just trying to wear you down. You don't have to put up with it, you know."

"I know," she sighed helplessly. "It's just...he hasn't really done anything. What am I supposed to do? Complain to HR that he won't stop exchanging pleasantries?"

"Well, if it helps," he offered. "I don't mind doing this more, if you'd like."

"Jeremy, you don't have to do that. I would never ask someone else to be subjected to him on a daily basis too."

"Have to? Who said anything about 'have to'?" he asked with a mischievous grin. "I'm still hoping to get a cartwheel out of you or something."

Harley laughed at that, good and loud. "We'll see," she offered simply, grateful not to have to face these awkward mornings alone anymore.

---

It felt surreal being there once more already, Harley mused as she entered the cemetery for the second time in four months. She'd barely been working at Arkham more than a year and here she was again for a work related death.

She silently walked with a small group of co-workers to the gravesite of the guard the Joker had killed during his latest escapade. Everyone was respectfully quiet, making it easy for her to get lost in thought. An image of a chalkboard declaring 'Zero Days Since Our Last Workplace Incident' came to mind and she stifled a chuckle.

All thoughts of levity quickly abated as she found herself face-to-face with an open casket. This wasn't the result of an unfortunate workplace accident. It had been cold-blooded murder.

The cold-face looking back at her as she paid her respects wasn't one she was familiar with from day-to-day. She only ever saw him once, but it was a face she'd never forget. The face of someone trying to comfort and reassure her, before he'd been brutally stabbed to death.

Stabbed to death with her knife. The knife she'd smuggled into Arkham. The knife she'd willingly given to a notorious killer and set loose.

She couldn't help feeling like this face, albeit dead, was staring at her knowingly, even through shut eyes. She was overcome with this feeling that it would continue to do so, even six feet beneath the earth. Even from the comfort of her home. Cold, dead eyes piercing her apartment walls.

Next thing she knew, Harley found herself seated in a folding chair. Several concerned faces watched her intently, though she managed to focus on Joan kneeling in front of her first.

"Take it easy," Joan suggested softly.

"Did-Did I faint?" Harley asked.

"No," her mentor assured her. "Well...perhaps nearly. Jeremy here made sure to catch you before you hit the ground though."

Harley looked up to see Jeremy smiling at her warmly. They both took a seat on either side of her as the service began, but she couldn't focus on the words. Even sitting between two people that obviously cared for her, she felt so alone.

She hadn't wanted to come. Knew it would only make things worse for her, but could see little way out of it. She'd been the last person to see him alive after all. All it served to do was make her feel completely guilt-ridden...which granted, why shouldn't she? Bad enough that she was responsible, but then she had to go and have a spell right there in front of everyone, making herself the center of attention during an event where she absolutely should not be.

At least Kirkwood wasn't here. He'd probably spend the remainder of the service mooning over her.

The casket closed with a dull thud and she felt herself jump slightly at the sound. She moved mechanically, following the crowd of people as they made to leave. Maybe she could blend in with them unnoticed and those dead eyes would lose sight of her.

---

It hadn't taken long before he'd convinced her to escort him out of the asylum once more. She'd agreed, but with the stipulation that it'd be done quickly and quietly this time. He didn't argue. She supposed she could have done so just as easily the first time around, avoiding bloodshed, if she'd just had gone through with it without a fuss.

What had followed was a rather lengthy stint of him coming in and out of her apartment at will, often staying the night and even conducting business over the phone in full earshot of her. One day, she'd come home with takeout and dessert to find him engaged in what she could only consider a kidnapping craft project, discarded letters cut from magazines and being glued to construction paper, the whole cliche topped off with a lunchbox of fingers in the fridge.

"See, Harl? The guy was already dead, it's not time sensitive. Plenty of time to eat and watch the movie, I can finish this after. Just push the box of Fred Fingers to the side and the cheesecake will fit." Both the Fred Fingers and cheesecake were gone by the next morning.

Though she wasn't aware of it at first, eventually a hat here, some socks there, and there was enough of Joker's laundry mixed with hers to fit in the top drawer. Which Harley emptied the moment she thought of it, feeling slightly drunk and giddy with the thought. Two of his purple trench coats, though different fabrics and shades of his signature purple, hung in the coat closet. One of his jester headed canes sat beneath, leaning against her vacuum.

Seeing his handguns casually out on a table or in a shoulder holster slung over the back of a chair was normal now and loose ammo cartridges were scattered around the apartment. Erring on the side of caution, she didn't move them, though she suspected it was less "strategic placement in case of attack" and more him emptying his pockets wherever he pleased. Appropriately, the Joker's belongings were home to a seemingly endless assortment of pill bottles, knives, and colorful "props" that she, as a rule, always considered dangerous.

They had meandering talks about everything and nothing, enjoying the constant stream of comedy that he played on the television. Relaxing on the couch, his head in her lap, her fingers brushing through his tousled curls as the smoke from their cigarettes curled around and up. She often snuggled against his chest in bed, her petite form enveloped by his long arms and his hands petting the back of her neck. At times, Harley had watched him sleep, marveling in the rare stillness of a face so often in motion.

She had to admit, she hadn't been this happy in years. It was so nice to have someone to come home to, even if it was sporadic.

And she noticed those eyes she had been so scared of following her home...they were strangely absent whenever he was around.

Harley brushed her teeth vigorously, taking note of his own purple toothbrush looking up at her. She shook her head in disbelief at the turn of events that had brought her here. It was such an innocuous thing, a toothbrush, but it was his and it was next to hers, something she doubted anyone else could ever claim.

The thought put a bounce in her step. She placed her own toothbrush in the holder next to his and skipped out of the bathroom to her bedroom.

"Well, someone's in a good mood tonight," he commented, looking up from his phone as she hopped into bed next to him.

"Why shouldn't I be?" She asked, melting into the sheets beneath her. "Life is good."

"Is it, cupcake?" He looked down at her suggestively, giving Harley that fluttery drop feeling in her stomach. "I know something that would make it even better."

Giving a blowjob was like riding a bike, Harley thought, falling quickly into the familiar movements with her tongue and lips. The Joker's cock was thick and long enough that she could only get a few inches after the head into her mouth at once, though he didn't seem to mind, petting and stroking her hair while murmuring words of affection and encouragement. She swirled her tongue around the soft skin near the slit, her left hand cupping and fondling his balls gently. Her right wrapped around the exposed length of shaft she couldn't fit in, her own fair complexion seeming like a deep tan next to his ever so lightly pink-tinged alabaster and tiny pulsing blue veins.

Though Harley was no stranger to giving head, she was surprised with how much more into it she was than with previous men, actually working herself up even with all her concentration on his pleasure.

And his were the only eyes she could see.