#but at least I have some food in now
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I’m starting to wonder if that “don’t pay attention to negative thoughts after 9pm (or after it gets dark)” thingy can apply to physical health as well because my current unspecified end-of-winter illness has been a LOT worse since the sun went down
#I was literally just saying today about how yes I sound awful but it was only my throat that was sore. like no headache or joint pain etc.#and now I feel like I’ve been spun upside down underwater (fizzy nose + cracking ears) AND that I got kicked in the shins for some reason#the fact I had to go out to the shops when it is very very cold outside also probably did not help#but at least I have some food in now#trying to balance living alone with being ill and with uni work is! not easy!#I just hope it passes over the weekend#a call from the void#posts made by me#illness tw#I’m stuck in that horrible state of wanting to do something but not having energy or inclination to do anything#like I was watching the TRG colosseum but that didn’t feel like enough#but the idea of playing a game seems like maybe too much#so it’s like what do I do#unfortunate echoes#for that
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> be horny for fictional character from new fandom
> want nsfw content of them
> know that if you look them up you will find out whether the fandom thinks they're a top or a bottom, what stock character tropes they fit into, etc. and part of the appeal will go away
> anguish
#moray speaks#also mad at myself now that ive realized i have a fave. bc all the characters are engaging & i don't want to be blorbo-brained quite yet 😩💔#i'll be done w the media soon. or at least caught up w one adaptation. THEN i will allow myself to look at porn. i solemnly swear it#if i go too crazy before then i can write some of my own. 'we have food at home' ass solution
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When you meet a walking talking jackhammer who will crash castles for the low low price of free burritos :D
AKA, Argit finds another stray and Andreas doesn't have to worry about what to eat on this strange unfamiliar planet-
#andreas#andreas ben 10#argit#ben 10#fanart#i had an older drawing of this in my sketchbook that kinda made this into idk a selfie#but argit's probably got the rundown from andreas (or the experience to guess) that remaining offline would be key#besides- can't let the knights know their next move nor argit's secret weapon/new stray#and now andreas' first earth food are burritos and hey wow andreas doesn't need to discover what's poisonous to talpaedans#well- the hard way at least- burritos have an ingredients list and i doubt argit took him to a human place for it#from runaway alien to runaway alien- a burrito toast!#andreas didn't deserve what happened in canon so i elect to ignore it and claim kariachi's necromancer argit is canon#some version of it (if not completely ripped) already is in mutants and magic
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the new girl at one of my favorite bakeries called me pretty this morning and it literally melted all my stress away 🥺
#kai.rambles#i was feeling sad bc my grandma is in the hospital and when i went to visit her they wouldn’t let me pass bc my license is expired#which okay ik that’s my fault but i took my passport with me just in case and the guy straight up told me that it wasn’t a valid form of id#and im like yeah tf it is ITS A PASSPORT and he said no#and while i was waiting for my mom to come down to the lobby an old lady came in and he turned her away for the same thing#and dudeee okay you turn me away fine fuck off but an old ladyyy??? at that age they don’t pay attention to that just let her pass#and then he argued with another woman bc she brought a flower arrangement and it had water so he couldn’t allow it HELLOOO??!?#so i had to leave and went to go get breakfast for my mom at least bc she stayed the night and i was supposed to stay the day#and when i came back to give her the food she told me that the nurse that was with my grandma asked what happened bc she wasn’t expecting#my mom to return and when my mom told her she immediately got so angry bc that same guy#didn’t allow her and a couple other nurses to bring in a cake for one of the residents#who’s birthday is today and they had a full on argument this morning#so it was all in all awful and now my mom has been there for more than 20 hours until later tonight when my aunt goes over :(#anyway this turned into a whole rant im sorry but im so mad bc i know for a FACT that a passport is a valid form of id#and he was just being a fkn dick#but the girl called me pretty and it took some stress off and she really liked my blush#and i liked hers so we had a little makeup 101 exchange and it was so nice at least 🥺#and i have a couple cute asks to answer that have made my day as well so i’ll get to those in a few 🥰
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gratitude list time I'll go first
#stopped caring about some things I was caring far too much about#it's another rainy dreary day which means I can wear cozy clothes and curl up with my brother's dog and coffee and a book#little guy and I are just chillin. he's tiny and shorthaired so he gets cold easily and likes to cuddle up#and seeing as I'm the only person home rn... doggo cuddle time it is!!!#I've been reading more lately!! I'm having trouble with tbosas so I got out a couple other things (sea of tranquility included)#that I've really enjoyed. I'm reading turtles all the way down right now and oh boy I forgot how nice a little contemporary#coming of age novel can be at times. also forgot that john green is a genuinely good writer. as in I personally enjoy his style.#let's see... my favorite sound guy for church is home from college for the summer which means THERES SOMEONE HERE#WHO ACTUALLY KNOWS HOW THE SOUND SYSTEM WORKS. me and the other sound guys have been barely#managing the last couple months bc there's been a ton of random technical glitches (the system is pretty old tbh)#so HALLELUJAH THE PERSON WHO ACTUALLY KNOWS WHAT TO DO IS BACK!!!!#I've been branching out into a bunch of things I wouldn't have thought to enjoy lately bc of the time I've been spending#with my sister in law. music and tv shows and even foods and stuff!!!#Gurt is coming to visit me in a week and a day!!!!!! I'm SO EXCITED#and last but certainly not least I gave myself bangs again and honestly I'm so happy about it.
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Ok everyone I have a very important question for you. No judgement I am genuinely just curious because this strikes me as so odd
#every single roommate i've had has left their dirty dishes in the sink and i'm??? because my mom would flip if i did that#right now we have two sinks but only one of them can ever be used because the other is always full of dishes#and most of the time there's still at least one dish in the other sink too. trying to fill water is an act of trying not to brush#against food particles with the bottom of whatever vessel i'm trying to fill#it's just weird to me. you're limiting your space? also leaving food bits out for days is how you get bugs... :/#anyways i can't always do my dishes right away (low energy/motivation) but like. i stack them in a designated area in my room#why the sink?#storyrambles#my polls#maybe there's some wisdom to this i'm not understanding.
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So crazy and insane and evil that the most uniquely delicious gummy candy ever is something I can only find at mexican party stores on an unreliable basis
you do not understand. The flavor. They don't really actually taste like citrus? They don't even taste like any other gummy I've ever had. The taste almost reminds me of... jello somehow? Or those weirdly delicious vitamin gummies? Fuck. They're fucking good. And I can't find that taste anywhere else. idk what they're even called past "orange slice gummies". No they taste nothing like these
these make my mouth sting and stick to my teeth and very heavily taste like oranges. completely different candy. a false god. do u get me
#I am very autistic about candy#not in like an “I know how they're made and the history” way but like#I'm very particular about candies and have very specific tastes and like 95% of candy makes my stomach hurt#because for some reason my stomach doesn't like something about the like sugar content or whatever idfk#I think it's because although I love candy I don't eat it often bc I only like eating the specific ones I like#which are not exactly easy to find at least in a “I'm at the dollar tree or a regular grocery store” sense#does not help that we don't have a dedicated candy store here#so I've eaten so little candy as an adult that after like two sour gummy worms my stomach starts to hurt#kind of like how sushi hurt my stomach for most of my life#bc it was so different from what I usually ate that I had to slowly get used to it and after a few years I can eat it without stomach hurty#except the other way bc I slowly stopped eating candy regularly so now most candies hurt my stomach#autism has a fascinating effect on the way your body reacts to new food lemme tell you
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Imagine you have to set up yakumo's enclosure for the next couple months. How do you set it up and what do you put in there?
oh NO.! THE PROPPHECY HAS BEenm FUFILLED
i am standing in my room, leggies rooted to the floor. i am in shock .frozen and i have no idea how to proceed. there is a perpetual pathetically sobbing serpent under my blankie.
#stares at the camera and stage whispers#i can't be responsible for another living creature. i can't. or . er. i can. but I SHOULDN'T#i'll have to suppress every violent urge in my body to keep this thing alive for several months#i CANNOT fling him out the window. i WILL NOT grab his entire face and squeeze. I SHALL NOT chew on his tail.#now i'm reminded of that post where it's a pretty princess cage on the floor and comments go [that aint big enough for a dog]#and OP is all [it's not FOR a dog 😀]#yeah. that's me right now imagining a full grown yakumo in a cage by my bedside#SO FOR EASE OF MY IMAGINATION AND TO increase yaku's chance of surviving these next months#i'm going to try real hard to imagine him exclusively in pocket snake form (scrunches up my face in valiant effort)#his enclosure (crib?!?!) is flanked on all sides by eiden plushies#since yaku is an adult there is a smaller chance of him suffocating on eiden in his sleep. wait. actually#arranges the eiden walls to give some pockets of air. i don't trust him. he WILL suffocate on eiden given the opportunity#he gets one of those tiny dollhouse cooking sets for enrichment LOL#or i'll give him a bunch of those make-your-own gummy kits with elaborate setups and tiny egg gummies#crying yaku is the excuse i need to finally get a humidifier#i can survive not misting myself.. usually... but yaku will cry himself into dehydration. it's misting time#he gets an entire alcove closed off in the corner with his basic needs met. i cannot perceive#he can lurk in privacy as much as he wants. there are at least TWO hot rocks in there with garukaru's faces painted on em#there is a duplicate open-space alcove next to it for when he actually wants something from me LOL#is he a free range snake? can i take him to a bunch of restaurants and shove food into my sleeve for him? he wants to sample the delights..#tempted to put a bell on him just so if he gets loose in the basement i'll know to fish him out#but he's pretty cautious... he won't get into any fatal situations in the house right? ...does he know how to swim?!#at least one day is reserved for testing yaku's swimming capabilities.#he is going into the bathtub while it has a film of water. gonna test his traction. i hope i won't get panic-strangled#asks
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.
#so i have covid#for the FIRST time since this pandemic started i can't believe it :((#i must have gotten it from someone at work :/ everyone kept coughing last week#and i felt sick for the last few days#and since several elderly people and a pregnant woman were supposed to go to my sister's for christmas just like me#i decided to take one of those fast tests from the pharmacy#i know they are not 100% accurate but still#i am SO glad that i was careful and didn't go to help out with the cooking as i had planned#because the pregnant woman was there and i wanted to be as careful as i could#so i didn't see her thank God#but now i have to spend christmas sick and alone#my sister will bring me some food so there's that at least#i think this is fitting at least seeing the state of the world#this is not the year we should celebrate christmas as we always do#so there's that#my post#personal
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putting on the baby pink cinnamoroll sweatshirt so that maybe i'll better embrace the new baby pink laptop.....
#my cat. my sweet and wonderful cat. the very same cat who knocked food out of my hand.#decided that he wanted to crash into me from behind and collide with my laptop screen#so now i have a pretty pink laptop that doesn't have a screen covered in several distracting dents#and also some overwhelming guilt and anxiety because large purchase and unnecessary expense an dsjflkasdjlfasd i'm so fucking stressed now#i hate making big purchases for myself specifically. everyone else is allowed but me? fuck no.#but i need a laptop for work and also for writing. what am i if not a writer? absolutely nothing.#the other laptop probably would have been fine to still use -_- but those bright white spots would have driven me i n s a n e#at least now i have blue boy as a backup in case something ever happens to pastel pink boy. i guess i'm a pastel pink boy now too....#pastel pink boy (laptop) needs a name. if you've gotten to the bottom of this tag rant: i'm open to suggestions.
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on the drive to the park today I passed the library and thought "I haven't been reading as many library books as I hoped to this year, when I get home I should go through my For Later list and just choose 5 or so that look interesting!"
and uh
as usual my holds-requesting exceeds expectations.
#oh well! i don't HAVE to read them!! (i am absolutely going to get like 12 of these in one week and panic lol)#i love my library#at least now i can force myself to go for a walk more often. been trying to walk up to the library area more often#just to get some exercise and fresh air after sitting at work all day. but it's hard when my only motivation is the nearby fast food place#and i don't wanna spend money. so....library books!!#(future Steph is going to be very annoyed with me)
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I somehow didn't catch this during all the chaos from that day but I'm rewatching Forever's conversation with Vegetta, and Vegetta told him: "You're a good person, and a good person knows what their mistakes are. You're a good boy. It's not going to happen again."
#i talk#qsmp talk#and just#I dunno man. that really got to me for some reason#I'm not someone who cries easily at all but this is the second time something related to the server has made me cry#and I don't mean tearing up I mean BIG time crying#which is even rarer for me#It was so sudden too I was literally halfway through a bite of food and I started instantly crying when hearing that#and now my food is COLD agh#Bobby's thing made me cry too but I get because there was so much buildup to it with everyone trying to save him and it was very emotional#but with this I literally just opened up stream and then 10 seconds later Vegetta says this and BAM#[skull emoji]#this post might self-destruct later idk I don't like getting too personal about stuff#I've also been doing so many text posts lately I never used to do that#but this series has made me feel a little bit better lately. or at least my passion for it has made me want to talk and meta like I used to#which is nice#anyways. ya boy's having a rough one I guess
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this isn’t even the same person
#the difference six years and eighty pounds will make on the body#I also just started getting sick in the first picture hence why I look so… dead#I have a lot of issues with my weight gain and body image now but at least I’m not actively rotting away y’know?#my body has come pretty far with healing#and (some) of the weight gain was a part of that#now I can hold down food and write my name without my hands shaking so badly I can’t hold a pencil#oh and my trichotillomania is under control
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Writing Family Web Daily: Day 6
Leo perked up as the X-rays finally appeared on the screen. Until he got a chance to actually look at them then he froze.
"What is it?" April called. He hadn't said anything but she somehow figured out that he figured out something. Leo ignored her, studying the images closer. "Leo, I can't come over there to see it so you have to tell me what's going on."
Leo sighed, transferring the X-rays to one of Donnie's spare tablets and bringing it over to show her.
"It's the bridge," he said, plopping it down in April's lap.
"The what?"
"The bridge. The shell bits between our plastron and carapace. That's the problem. That's probably what's been the problem the whole time," Leo explained, his explanation quickly devolving to ranting. "I should have seen this coming. Should have realized this could be a problem. I-"
"Leo, breathe," April ordered. Leo took a breath. "Now take it from the top."
"His arms, his new arms, are growing in under the bridge. Which, thinking back, is very fucking obvious."
"Leo."
Leo took another breath.
"It's growing in underneath but, unlike Mikey and his skull, the bridge isn't making space for them on it’s own.”
#daily writing#tmnt#rottmnt#family web au#and now i'm caught up#if this part kinda sucks it's b/c i wrote it on my phone in an ihop#while not having a good time at said ihop#(i was barely verbal so the waitress couldn't hear me and ended up getting my order wrong)#(at least i got the french fries)#(i wanted the fries the most anyways so not an entire waste)#anyways#i'm going to go hunt down some safe food while my household is asleep
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@rachs-words:
(you'll find out eventually)
#rachs-words#responding to tag comments#<--not really but I'm trying to keep them all together#also: I didn't realize I subscribed to some food I ordered last month and I now have NINE boxes of cereal and FIVE bars of chocolate#if there's a storm I'm set until I run out of milk#“it's day 43: we all have scurvy but our fiber levels are ✨immaculate✨. we are running out of milk but at least we can make hot chocolate”#lol
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