#but at least the days of pulling 14-18 hour days of volunteer work for weeks on end are over... until next year ^^'

[thirstworldproblemss]

Well... uh... hi.

[ears-awake-eyes-opened]

Wedding Colors (Part 3)

(Hayffie ❤️🧡💛💚💙💖. An exploration of Effie’s evolving character as she faces past and present personal intensities while making preparations for Finnick and Annie’s wedding.)

13:00—lunch. For the first time since the ominous day in July that she’d descended into the gloom of 13, Effie’s belly was full. As weeks had turned into months, she hadn’t felt hunger. She’d picked at meals and pushed unpalatable food around her tray. But now something was different. Flint scraped over steel inside her like the wind across her cheeks that morning. Her spoon repeatedly clinked the bottom of the bowl of squash soup. It took every ounce of restraint to not bring the whole bowl to her mouth and tilt it upward to collect the last drops.

Keenly observant, Cressida noted, “That’s new.”

“What?”

“You finishing a meal here.” She dropped her voice. “Are you pregnant, Trinket?”

Effie’s face flushed scarlet, blushing through burnt cheeks. “Bite your tongue!” she snapped.

Cressida glanced at Pollux, and Effie recognized her own faux pas. “Please excuse me. I wasn’t thinking about...”

Interacting with an Avox who was a regular citizen rather than a servant of the Capitol was still a new experience for her.

Pollux signed, “No problem,” and his brother offered the translation.

Effie returned her attention to the inquisitive filmmaker. “I’m JUST hungry. Must a woman be pregnant in order to finish a bowl of soup?” She whispered “pregnant” as if saying it too loudly might invite the situation. Or just as worrisome, Haymitch could walk in at that moment, hear the word, flip out, and not touch her again. Now that she’d opened the Pandora’s box of sex with him, she didn’t want to put a lid back on it.

“Okay. I get it.” Cressida was intrigued by Effie’s blush, but otherwise mollified. “You like the soup. End of story.”

It was golden orange in color and lightly flavored with spices that tasted like autumn. Ginger was recognizable, but the others were a mystery to Effie. Her experience with cooking was mostly limited to a course she’d taken a decade and a half prior at Charis School of Grace, Beauty, and Charm.

Her mother had insisted on “Finishing School” for Effie after she graduated from the Academy. The summer classes had been a compromise, since her father was resolute in his intention to send her to University. He’d even dipped into his personal inheritance to pay extra tuition when her test scores didn’t qualify her outright for admission.

“Charis will focus Euphemia on the most sophisticated etiquette and deportment, preparing her for marriage into greater wealth,” her mother argued.

“University will prepare Effie for a practical career suited to her strongest skills,” her father contended.

“Grace, beauty, and charm ARE her strongest skills. Face it, dear. Like you, our daughter lacks the talent to be a Gamemaker.”

“She has the talent to be more than a rich man’s wife.”

“If I were the wife of a RICH man, then we wouldn’t be having this conversation, would we?”

Their barbs stung each other. After years of practice, the Trinkets knew just where to aim them. They agreed that Effie needed a path which would secure an optimal future for the family. Neither of them asked her what she wanted.

If they’d asked back then, she would have had one specific answer. And if she was honest with herself now, her deepest desire was exactly the same. If she’d voiced it then, her parents would have sent her to the Asylum first before anything else. So she said nothing about it.

By 18, she’d become a master at the art of knowing when to hold her tongue. She’d internalized the pressure to please her parents and reflect positively on her family’s name and station in society. The burden of doing so was a heavy weight on her shoulders.

Effie’s shoulders ached too from the physical work of gathering and carrying around large sacks of perfect leaves. She daydreamed about a bath full of bubbles followed by a nap on a real bed. Allowing the fantasy was a mistake because then her body screamed for it.

She wondered if even babies were allowed to nap here, or did they get merely a half hour of “reflection” before dinner like everyone else? Did they have daily schedules imprinted on their chubby little arms? Eat. Poop. Sleep. What else did the tiny things do? She’d never paid much attention to them in the Capitol. Had she ever seen a baby in 13? She couldn’t recall.

***

14:00—volunteering. The children would be out of school soon. Plutarch told her to expect them along with anyone who was between work shifts. Coin was allowing more flexibility than usual in order to encourage volunteerism. Effie considered the irony in the word spelled out on her arm in purple ink. Following schedules was mandatory. Once “volunteering” is tattooed on your body, doesn’t it cease to be voluntary?

That place made her head hurt if she thought about it too much. She pulled her rose-tinted sunglasses out of her pocket and put them on, hoping the change in light would temper some of the ache, and help her feel less vulnerable.

“Ready or not, here I go,” she said out loud.

She approached the kitchen staff for permission to use large plastic serving bowls to hold the leaves at the tables. The kitchen manager, a middle aged woman named Cuire, put up resistance, muttering something about needing authorization from the president.

Greasy Sae showed no qualms about interjecting. “Now, those leaves ain’t all that different from a salad. We’ll have the bowls washed again long before dinner service.”

The older woman, with her hair up in a kerchief more plain than Effie’s, carried a stack of serving bowls through the doorway without waiting for the manager’s consent. She returned to the kitchen for more until every serving bowl in 13 was in the dining hall. Cuire pursed her lips but said nothing.

Sae pulled a handful of leaves out of one of the canvas bags and dropped them into a bowl. “The list of procedures here’s a mile long. Sometimes the only way to keep these folks from sayin’ ‘no’ is to just not ask ‘em. And then work fast.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Effie joined her efforts to quickly transfer the leaves to the bowls. “Thank you, Sae.”

“Thank YOU, girl. Gatherin’ up all these to make pretty things for the weddin’, you must be exhausted.”

“I had help. From Haymitch.”

“Did you?”

“I had to ambush him.”

“Nah. As often as that boy looks at you, I’d guess he went willingly.”

Ambushed and willing. Yes, he was.

Beetee wheeled up to her with several spools of wire, wire cutters, rolls of electrical tape, and several pairs of scissors.

“The copper color is PERFECT!” Effie gushed.

“This wire is at least a hundred years old,” he replied with little emotion, “The only reason it shows no corrosion is because 13 is fastidious about its storage conditions, including adequate air circulation. The gauge is small. The electrical current from present technologies, would overload and overheat it. The wire is rather useless actually.”

“Well, we’ve found a use for it!”

“In the absence of copper tape, this seems the best match, which is ironic since brown is typically used for high voltages. And high voltages would burn right through this particular wire.”

“We’re just making garlands today, not blowing out an arena!”

“You’re speaking non-metaphorically, of course. We might hope the propo will play a role in shattering the Capitol’s grip on the restless minds of its citizens... That said, it isn’t my intention to imply that YOUR mind is gripped and restless.”

A gripped and restless mind sounded fairly accurate to Effie. “I doubt the Capitol views me as its citizen at this point.” I guess that makes me homeless, even though my family home, my apartment, my belongings, my entire history are all there.

Beetee noticed her smile fade. “You might be right about that. ...I’m sorry.”

After seeing what her victors had been through and what they were still going through, she felt uncomfortable being apologized to by a victor who she held in high regard. I don’t deserve an apology, though manners dictated the proper response to an apology was a gracious, “Thank you.”

“Will you be staying to help?” she added.

“I’m needed in Special Defense. Bring the leftover supplies when you come down later.”

“Beetee, thank you for this.”

The clock was ticking. Effie went to work immediately, arranging leaves in alternating colors and shapes and adhering the stems to a long length of wire.

“What a beautiful pattern!” A friendly voice spoke over Effie’s shoulder. She turned to see Delly Cartwright whose blonde hair fell free of its usual braid.

“An artisan! Delly, I’m grateful you’re here to help with production and quality control.”

From their occasional chats at mealtimes, Effie had learned that Delly’s parents had been shoemakers, and 13 put her to work in textile production as soon as she’d turned 18.

“Me? An artisan?”

“You WILL be, dear. I’ve seen your stitching. I’ve also observed your congenial way with people.” Effie cut a long length of wire for Delly and set her up with supplies to work at another table. “Let’s spread around the talent.”

When school let out, Delly’s younger brother was the first to arrive, not wanting to go “home” to empty quarters. Posy Hawthorne followed close at his heels, skipping to keep up with his much longer legs.

“Stop followin’ me!” he told her.

“I’m not followin’ you. We’re just goin’ the same place, that’s all.”

“Well, you’re a baby, and I don’t want you sittin’ at MY table.”

“Cordwain!” Delly interjected, “That’s not polite!”

“I’m FIVE years old, and I’ll sit wherever I please, CordWAIN.” With three older brothers, Posy could hold her own in disagreements with just about anyone, especially boys. Effie admired that along with her manners.

“Aw, Dellyyyy,” her brother whined, “You’re supposed to call me Cord!”

“You apologize to Posy, and I won’t have to be so stern.”

“Do I HAVE to?! She’s just Vick’s little sister.”

“And you’re MY little brother, so, yes, you do. You know Ma and Pa would say so if—“

“Ma and Pa are dead!” Cord sat at the table with Delly and folded his arms across his chest.

Delly sighed, and her tone softened, “Cordy, honey, that’s all the more reason to apologize.”

His lip quivered, and he muttered in a hoarse voice. “Sorry.”

“I’m sorry they died,” Posy empathized, “My daddy died b’fore I was born.”

She sat across from Effie and looked at her for a long fifteen seconds. Effie wasn’t used to children being so young. The girl’s dark hair fell long past her shoulders in two braids. Her gray eyes were deeply set. She had the look of a person who’d seen the shadow of death and kept going.

“I like your pink glasses.” Posy twirled one of her braids around her finger. “I used to have pink ribbons. Two of ‘em.”

“When I was your age, I wore pink ribbons in my hair. Pink was my favorite color.”

“Mine too! Gale says we can’t go back fer the ribbons. He says they’re gone. Do you think they’re gone?”

“Well... I...” For goodness sake. What does one say to a child whose district was fire bombed to rubble?

Cord muttered some more, “Of course they’re gone!”

Posy ignored him, waiting for Effie’s response.

“Your brother, Gale, is wise, dear.” Effie saw her expectant little face fall. “I am going to your district tomorrow. With Katniss. Would you like for me to look for the ribbons so you know for certain?”

Posy nodded.

“Then I’ll be sure to do that. In the meantime would you like to help make a garland? There aren’t any pink leaves, but there are other pretty colors.”

Posy reached into the bowl and pulled out a red one. “Can I do this one?”

“Of course. Let me show you.”

Effie demonstrated with a different leaf then watched Posy’s small fingers peel and cut the tape and use it to add her chosen leaf to the copper wire.

“How’s that?” the girl asked.

The tape was crooked. The leaf was crooked, and it didn’t fall in line with the pattern. Effie considered telling her so. Aemilia Trinket certainly would have. And for that reason if no other, Effie said to the five-year/old, “That’s wonderful, dear.”

Posy beamed. “You’re nice. You’re not scary at all! I’m gonna go tell Rory that he’s wrong.” She hopped out of the chair and skipped away, turning around long enough to say, “I’ll be back!”

Effie watched her go, not knowing quite what to think. Rory?... She couldn’t remember who that was. One of the Hawthorne boys?

“This year would have been Rory’s first reaping,” Delly explained.

Effie didn’t need to hear anything more in order to understand. The truth split her heart. Half of it dropped like lead into her stomach. The other half rose up into her throat, threatening to choke her.

The children are afraid of me.

Even without a reaping ball in front of me, they are still afraid.

In that moment, she didn’t have time or space to process the realization. She just sat there, forcing a smile, trying to keep the vacant feeling in her chest from showing on her face. As volunteers streamed into the dining hall, she swallowed the lump in her throat, pressed her palm to her stomach, and directed the project as planned.

More children arrived giggling and singing, 🎶”Come live with me and be my love...”🎶 It was the beginning of District 4’s wedding song, which they’d started learning in school. 🎶”...I'll take you out upon the sea...”🎶 drew them into conversation about how the ocean might look, feel, sound, smell, and taste. None of them had ever been to the seashore. They’d only seen it in books.

🎶”...To share the starry night with you...” 🎶 intrigued them too. Some of the children from 12 tried to describe the stars to the kids from 13 who had never been above ground at night. “A star is like the tip of the flame of a candle that never flickers.”... “They just pop out in the sky as it’s changing from blue to black.”... “My grandma says stars are ghosts that come to visit us at night. Good ghosts, not scary ones.”... “Ghosts ain’t real.”... “Are so!”... “Are not!”

Dozens of adults were there to cut wire and strips of tape for the younger children and to ensure the garlands turned out beautifully.

With so many helping hands, Effie had to let go of her precise plans. The work of other artisans became apparent as some patterns emerged which were even more pleasing than what Plutarch and Effie envisioned.

Boggs showed up, carrying his son on his hip. The boy seemed younger than Posy, though Effie was far from an expert about children under 12. Boggs sat at a table with the boy in his lap. The little one reached for the leaves just as Boggs’ communicuff started flashing wildly. “Damon, buddy, President Coin is calling. I’ve just lost my break time. I’m going to need to take you back to daycare, but maybe Miss Trinket will let you take one of the leaves with you?” Boggs gave Effie a pleading look. The last thing he needed just then was an upset kid.

Damon’s big brown eyes welled up with tears. He wiped them away with the backs of his hands which were filled with leaves that he didn’t want to let go. Since the epidemic, Boggs and his son had been on their own. Looking into those teary eyes, Effie couldn’t help but feel for them. The feeling seeped into that empty space in her chest, and eased a bit of the void.

“Your son can stay awhile, if you’d like. Then I can take him back to daycare.”

“Are you sure? He’s a handful, and you have a lot going on here.”

Seeing herself in the moment as “scary ghost” rather than a star, Effie definitely was NOT sure that she was the right person to be looking after a young child. “Of course, I’m sure,” she spoke through her smiling mask.

“What do you say, buddy? Do you want to stay with Miss Trinket and make a garland, or do you want me to take you back to daycare now?”

“It’s Effie. The only one who calls me Miss Trinket around here is Mr. Heavensbee.” She laughed.

Damon climbed down from Boggs’ lap and up into Effie’s. “Oh! Well, hello,” she said, pushing her chair back far enough to make room for him. He was heavier than he’d looked in the strong arms of his father. He squirmed around reaching for everything at once: more leaves of every shape and color, scissors...

Boggs’ eyes widened.

Effie handed Damon a roll of tape in trade for the scissors. “You can hold the tape, and I’LL do the cutting.”

‘Thank you,’ Boggs mouthed the words then told his son, “This is an important job, soldier. Effie is your commanding officer. Are you going to take this work seriously and mind what she tells you to do?”

“Yeth, thir, Daddy, thir!” His lisp melted Effie’s heart.

“At ease, little man. I’ll pick you up from daycare at 18:00.” Boggs kissed his son’s forehead, and Damon was already hard at work attempting to peel tape off the roll.

As Effie helped the boy put leaves on the wire, Posy returned, accompanied by one of her brothers who hurried to claim an open seat next to Cord. Posy skipped up to Effie and patted her head. “I got Vick to come, but Rory’s stubborn. YOU know how boys can be.”

Effie looked up from the table to see Haymitch leaning against a pillar near the edge of the dining hall. He was watching her closely. The expression on his face was a loaded mix of curiosity and seriousness.

“Yes, I do know how boys can be,” Effie agreed, “Especially when they are afraid.”

Haymitch had never seen Effie around little kids, and he was fascinated. The Hawthorne girl chattered on and on, tucking leaf stems into the top knot of Effie’s kerchief. Boggs’ kid was in Effie’s lap, crushing leaves with his hands and unwrapping tape for her to cut with scissors. A girl Haymitch didn’t recognize sat to the side, touching Effie’s bracelet. “Is this silver and gold?” the kid asked.

“This s costume jewelry,” Effie answered.

“What’s ‘costume’?” the girl wanted to know.

“A costume is... something you might wear when you are... pretending.”

The Hawthorne girl said to the other one, “You can wear one of my pink ribbons sometime, and we can pretend to be twins... if Effie finds my ribbons in 12 tomorrow.”

Effie locked eyes with Haymitch. “I promised I’d look, Posy, but please don’t get your hopes up, dear.”

He was trying to make sense of the situation. Effie’s going to 12 tomorrow? Why? And why is nobody telling me anything! Pissed off, he started to walk away.

“Excuse me, girls. Damon, let’s go talk to Haymitch for a few minutes.” Effie stood up, holding the boy on her hip as Boggs had done. “Haymitch! Wait...” She caught up to him before the staircase. If he’d really wanted to avoid her, he would have already been long gone.

“What are you thinking!?” he asked, unsure of what he was wondering about most... Why was Effie going to 12 where the burned corpses of his people were still rotting? Why didn’t she tell him about her plans? And what the hell was his heart doing as he watched her with those little kids?

“Annie needs help selecting one of Cinna’s dresses for the wedding, and Katniss asked if I could go with them for support. So, of course, I said yes. ...Not that I owe you an explanation.”

“You owe me nothing, sweetheart. But it’s bad there. You’re going to see things that’ll change you.”

“I’m already changing.” She boosted the kid up on her hip. “There’s nothing I can do to stop that. ...And I don’t think I want to stop it.”

Damon dropped the leaves and rubbed his eyes. “Are you tired... buddy?” Effie hesitantly used one of Boggs’ nicknames for the boy. He shook his head ‘no’, but rubbed his eyes again. “How about we take these leaves to daycare so you can show your daddy?”

Damon nodded and opened his hands to the floor where the leaves had fallen. Haymitch bent to pick them up and handed them back to the kid. He stood close to them. Effie smelled like the woods, faintly like ginger, and mostly like her. The fragrances helped him feel less agitated. They were familiar, as if less was changing all at once.

“Thank you,” she said about the leaves, “Will you please tell Delly where I’m going and ask her to stay until I return?”

“Sure”

She rested her palm on Haymitch’s shirt where his sweater gaped open. She brushed her fingertips along the buttons. “Will YOU stay until I return? I could really use your help hanging these garlands in Special Defense.”

Her touch felt too good for him to say no.

The peace in his expression was answer enough for her.

As he watched her walk away, a smile crept over his face. He was far too amused to remind Effie that the Hawthorne girl had embellished her head wrap with at least a dozen leaves. In all the years, it was the best *wig* he’d seen her wear. If she was going to roam around 13 looking like a tree, then who was he to stop her?

[butididntpourthewhiskeys]

50 Things I’m Convinced Tay & Joe Do - Baby Edition 

1. Taylor smirking at Joe who claims that the air in the doctor’s room is dry which is the reason why his eyes are watering right after they found out that they’re having a girl. 

 2. Joe’s protective hand constantly reaching for her belly at night whenever she’s changing her sleeping position. 

3. Joe opening his Christmas gift from her that was casually placed under the Christmas tree and him becoming incredibly emotional in front of both of their families because inside the little box, there is a positive pregnancy test. 

4. Taylor and Joe only telling their families and closest friends about her pregnancy at first because Taylor’s too scared to miscarry. 

5. Joe replacing all Nespresso capsules in their houses with decaf capsules because he knows how hard it is for her to waive proper coffee. 

6. Taylor developing a weird disgust towards roasted meat yet always attends dinner at Joe’s family and eats the Sunday roast even if most of it lands in the toilet just minutes after they get home. 

7. Joe always telling Tay that his mum won’t be mad if she’d tell her about her meat related nausea but Taylor still swallows the food anyway. 

8. Joe being overprotective, especially on these days when she’s not feeling well and he’s gone for work. So as soon as she doesn’t pick up her phone for a couple of minutes, he’d immediately call Andrea who then has to calm him down with a soft laugh and a gentle “both of your girls are alright, honey. She’s watching TV with me and her phone’s in the kitchen, so don’t worry.” while Taylor would roll her eyes at his protective behavior but deep down knows how incredibly thankful she is for it. 

 9. Scott always teasing Joe with referring to him as “Daddy over there wants some more potatoes, Andrea” or greeting Joe with “Hi Daddy, how’s it going?” whenever they see each other. 

10. Taylor trying to convince him that their daughter needs to have an old classic and British name such as “Hazel” or “Eleanor” and Joe reminding her that she’s giving birth to a baby, not an old lady. 

11. Taylor feeling incredibly maternal at the end of the second trimester and most of the time falling asleep with a pull string musical crib toy on her belly that plays one of her songs (a gift from her fans, of course). 

12. Joe spending at least half an hour cuddled up to her belly and talking to the baby after not having seen Taylor for a couple of days, always kissing the round belly and telling her how sad he is sometimes because Taylor gets to carry the baby around and feel her all day, but he can’t. 

13. Taylor and Joe constantly fighting about her wanting to wear heels tonight, and him getting angry because she could trip and fall. 

14. Taylor being mad at him for an entire day because she thinks that he thinks that she’s too stupid to walk on high heels for the length of one evening. 

 15. Joe figuring out that the only way to deal with her current hormones is to always give in and let her know how sorry he is and how right she was. 

16. Joe constantly finding her asleep at the weirdest places in the house. Once on a stool with head on the kitchen isle, once on the floor in her walk- in closet. 

17. Taylor feeling like a teenager again because she finds herself crying so often whenever he’s gone filming for a couple of days and she misses him badly. 

 18. Taylor being mocked by everyone in her family because she developed the habit to “free the bump” whenever she’s sitting on the patio and a ray of sunshine is crossing the sky. “The baby needs Vitamine D, guys. Shut up.” she’d say, enjoying the warmth on her belly.

19. Joe volunteering in applying cream on her belly to prevent stretch marks every night. 

 20. Taylor having an increased need for sex in the first months and Joe teasing her with it as much as he can, smirking and mumbling a casual “got it out of your system, love? If yes could you please move a bit so I can watch the rest of this movie? Thank you.” after she just came down from the fifth orgasm that day, sitting on his lap and distracting him from watching a movie on the couch in the living room. 

21. “So rude.” she’d mumble and receive a mischievous laugh from him before cuddling up in his arms again. 

22. Joe’s standard joke being “I mean, I was in the room when the baby was conceived to I might as well be in the room when the baby’s delivered” whenever he’s asked wether he’ll be in the delivery room or not and Taylor rolling her eyes every single time, “He thinks he’s so funny, it’s incredible.” 

23. Joe having the shock of his life when Taylor fainted a couple of times during the first weeks of pregnancy because of low blood pressure, which is absolutely normal yet scared the shit out of him. 

24. Joe literally calling her every two hours to remind her to drink water and eat something when she’s at a meeting because he knows that she forgets. 

 25. Joe literally going nuts after some online magazine releases an article calling Taylor “huge and lazy” because she apparently doesn’t work out enough during pregnancy which results in him wanting to sue the media outlet but Taylor calming him down because she doesn’t give a fuck about this kind of stuff anymore. 

26. Taylor feeling her baby kick for the first time when they’re at dinner with her parents and Joe really trying not to be too emotional and become a cry- baby but keeping his hand on her belly for what feels like the entire evening. 

27. Taylor craving nachos with whip cream on top. 

28. Taylor sitting on the examination couch while waiting for her doctor, trying her best to bat Joe’s hands away from the model of a fetus in a womb: “Stop touching it. You’ll break it!” When the small plastic baby pops out of the fake uterus and onto the floor, Joe’s eyes grow wide and she just rolls her eyes while watching him hysterically trying to put the model back together again before the doctor enters the room. 

29. Joe thanking her for carrying his baby and giving him his own little family whenever they both lay awake at night, but the pleasure is all hers. 

30. Taylor hiding her big bump and boobs under oversized sweaters because she’s insecure about her physical changes. 

31. Joe being well aware of her insecurities which makes him comment things like “you’re so stunning, baby. Is that shirt new?” or “you look gorgeous this morning, how’d you sleep?”. 

32. Joe noticing how motherly Taylor has become because of all the hormones in her body. So every time Patrick is joining them on a winter walk she’d remind the boy to fix his scarf because „it’s colder than you think“ and every time Patrick has a cold she’d cook him a chicken soup, even If he didn’t ask for it which is why Joe and him can’t help but tease her constantly by calling her ‚mummy‘. 

33. Taylor being embarrassed as hell for an entire week because her morning sickness was really bad while she and Joe were stuck in traffic and she had to throw up in a plastic bag after mumbling “I don’t want it to happen, I don’t want it to happen” while sitting next to him which resulted in her having vomit in her hair while crying and him calming her with a hand on her leg: “s’ fine, baby. C'mon. Just glad you feel better now.” 

34. Joe’s mum bursting out to tears as she opens her birthday present and finds an ultrasound scan, which automatically makes Tay emotional as well while hugging his mum for more than five minutes straight. 

35. Taylor often having trouble sleeping because she either struggles with immense nausea or her baby being super active. 

37. Joe waking up one night with tears in his eyes because in his dreams he was holding his baby in his arms and he could see what she looks like and smell her and hear her laugh and everything felt so real, which was the most amazing feeling he has ever felt. 

38. Joe noticing how Taylor craves his closeness even more since she’s pregnant which is why he pulls her into a long hug as often as he can or kisses her forehead more often. 

 39. Taylor showing literally everyone she knows her new “trick” that is placing objects on her huge belly like a tray. 

40. Joe counting all ten toes and all ten fingers on the baby, first thing: “just want to make sure you’ll be able to write some songs. Or make action movies..“ he’d mumble towards the baby, making Taylor laugh from afar. 

 41. Baby Alwyn- Swift having all of Taylor’s features, blonde curls included, but Joe’s lips and his rather introvert personality. 

 42. Joe holding the baby in front of Taylor’s tummy and mumbling a sleepy “we’ll have to put you back in there again if you don’t sleep, love. m’ warning you. The nights were a lot quieter with you in there.” which makes Taylor laugh and the baby stare at him confused before receiving a laugh and a small kiss from her dad. 

43. Taylor announcing the birth of her baby on Instagram with posting a black and white photo of Joe kissing tiny baby feet and the caption “Never felt so blessed in my life. Thanks for all the congratulations and kind messages.” 

44. Joe pretending to eat the baby’s foot or hand which always makes the little one laugh and Taylor as well. 

45. Taylor posting a boomerang on Instagram for fathers day that shows Joe blowing raspberries on the baby’s stomach with a smile on his face and captioning it with “you have changed my heart forever. Happy Father’s Day.” 

46. Joe already spoiling his little girl when she’s just a little toddler and Taylor really not liking it: “He can’t say no. Never. Now she’s just a baby but if he keeps that up our child will be a spoilt rat in a few years” she’d complain to her mom. 

47. Joe surprising Taylor with a vacation to the Bahamas because the baby hasn’t been sleeping at all in weeks and they both wander around like ghosts all day long which is why they both urgently need some relaxation away from London and Nashville.

48. Joe realizing that his baby daughter has a miniature version of his lips which is why he always holds her tiny face right next to his for comparison when they’re with friends and family. 

49. Joe giving the newborn on his arm a tour around their house when both of their parents came over for a first visit at home. He’d stop with her on his arms in the bedroom and mumble “..and this is where you were made, my love” which results in her family’s laughter and an embarrassed Taylor yelling “oh my god, Joseph. You are unbelievable.” 

50. Joe teaching his little girl how to give kisses and always claps his hands to cheer on her whenever her lips made the right move to meet his. After some time, the baby girl loves to give her daddy wet kisses and afterwards automatically claps her little hands as well which makes Joe and Taylor burst out in laughter every time.

[snow-slayer]

A Bunch of Good Things from 2019

*I don’t do things consistently, so there’s chunks of time I just forgot to write. So the blank spaces are days where I could not recall the exact good things that happened.*

January 1: Started the year off right by hanging out with @nah-young, eating some delicious leftovers from New Year’s Eve and working on a puzzle. Also caught a shiny Delibird in Pokemon Go as the first catch of the year.  2: Had a headache at work, but went home to take care of myself. Dad and I talked for a long time about money and taxes without arguing. I have also discovered a future hobby I want to get into: 3D printing. 3: I cranked out four solid hours of studying. I’m going to ace the Auditing section of the CPA exam. I feel it in my bones (especially when I finally stood up and stretched). 4: My ‘other mom’ (one of my best friend’s mom) took me out for a belated Birthday lunch to our favorite Thai food place, and I enjoyed more mango sticky rice. It’s one of my new favorite desserts. 5: Did some epic New Year cleaning. Caught up on laundry, filed away my 2018 paperwork, and did some 2019 taxes. Finally on top of things! 6: A puzzle day! I connected a big piece of the sky to the side on the Lion King puzzle. I’ve still got a lot to go, but progress is being made. 7: As usual, I both surprised and pleased the teller at the bank when I moved some money from savings into my IRA. They wanted to know if it was for tax year 2018, but I could tell them last year was maxed out and it was for 2019. 8: Got to practice my training and supervising skills with @arrowhearts.  9: Spent the night at Lucy’s (she’s a cat). She’s the sweetest cat though, and was cuddling in my lap for so long! She even held my finger with her paw for like ten minutes. I love her. 10: It’s been forever, but I finally sat down and played some video games. I’m replaying Arkham Asylum again and really just exploring every nook and cranny I can find. 11: Might have started a new Francis story line ... Whoops :) 12: Helped Jane clear an apartment and acquired many new tools and art supplies to use. 13: Snow! It was snowing before bed, but I still woke up at 5 am to about 4 - 5 inches. Activated my dad gene and started shoveling at 5:30 am (sorry neighbors to the house I was dog sitting at). It’s so pretty out! 14: A quiet day, but I did some work for Jane and gamed some more. Can’t wait to start Arkham City when I get 100% on Arkham Asylum! 15: I took my coworker a basket of fun snacks from Lotte for her Birthday. She’s so excited to try them all! 16: Donated blood today and when I went to get dinner on the way home, I got a free salad! The entree was already free and I ordered a side salad. I pulled out my wallet to pay, but the coupon covered it, too!  17: Treated myself to breakfast on the way into preschool (my new volunteer place since the teacher I followed to several elementary schools is now at). Also ate some amazing home cooked food for lunch with @nah-young before going out for ice cream. 18: Did some very early spring cleaning to prep for my next yard sale and straighten up a bit. 19: Beat the storyline and finished gathering all of Riddler’s trophies in Arkham Asylum. I do still need to finish up the additional content for 100% completion. 20: Working with Jane to help clean out an apartment again and got stencils to use for my art (the ones with shapes of different sizes). I had wanted to get me a set, so I really lucked out. 21: Started reading a book for fun. Lol, I forgot that I can still read non-accounting things for fun. 22: Sent out 1099s at work. It’s always a dreaded part of the year, but it’s taken care of! 23: I started uploading my old Franmouche stories to AO3. I forgot that I’d written 185 pages of them. At least if someone else likes my rarepair, they have lots to read. No guarantees on the quality, but there is quantity. 24: Made fun penguin cutouts for the preschool class I volunteer at. Then studied for nine hours on campus. A busy, yet productive day. 25:  Finished watching all my lectures for the next portion of the CPA exam! So much auditing knowledge!!! 26: Panic alleviated. My check engine light had been on for a few days. Usually it’s just a gas cap issue so I was worried, but after readjusting the cap again (which usually fixes it) and an oil change, the light went out! 27: Played some Pokemon Go for four hours with @arrowhearts and Lyla. No Kyogre, but at least we each got a Groudon. Plus, the weather was beautiful for this time of year. 28: I found a dollar today while sweeping the parking lots with my dad! I’m gonna be riding this wave for a week. (Fun fact: my dad and I used to go bike riding on Sunday afternoons/evenings in the local parking garages and look for pennies. We’d always get bragging rights when we found a quarter or more. We still get excited and tell each other of the day’s finds when we find a few coins while we’re sweeping). 29: Had a bit of a headache, but managed to get through it so I could finish the workday. Then I get some well deserved rest. 30: Met up with @nah-young for some fries and ice cream! 31: My annual physical went well! Took care of a couple test we’ve been putting off, too, and they weren’t quite as bad as I thought they’d be.

February

1: I had such a productive day in the office, even for a Friday. Special thanks to @arrowhearts for helping me move all (24  years worth) of our files. 2: Started off the day a little rough and feeling low, but I decided to go up to campus, and I’m so glad I did. I was able to help a bunch of people get to their destination. Also hung out with @nah-young and @arrowhearts in a sketchy room. 3: Technically today (starting at 1 am). Had a great talk with @nah-young about a lot of things including our friendship. Successfully avoided the Super Bowl (which I heard sucked, so that was a good use of my time). 4: Had a really good conversation with my dad for almost an hour. We had some fights earlier in the year, but it was nice to be able to connect some. 5: It’ll be silly to look back on, but I thought I lost a reference letter for a scholarship applicant, but realized I could find it on our shared drive. Such a relief! 6: I tried Duck Donuts for the first time today. One of our board members brought me and a coworker a half dozen each. 7: Caught a Miltank in Pokemon Go! I thought I missed my chance, but there was a special running, so I got it. 8: Just heard we got a new boss at work, so it’ll be nice to be full staffed again. 9: Started working on a painting for @arrowhearts. It might be my first completed artwork of the year. 10: A lazy day, but I flipped through a book on home decorating. You know, to plan for my future house. 11: Officially started working for Jane’s business. We’ll see how it goes, but at least it’s an extra couple of hours per week. 12: Finished a dog sitting job, and I’m super thankful to be sleeping in my own bed again. 13: I gave Lucy, the sweetest cat ever, a piggyback ride and it was the cutest thing ever. I was on my knees and forearms trying to get Lucy to boop my nose when she just climbed on my back and sat down. I rose up on my knees and hands and she did the “i’m not so sure but I’m going to stay here” stand and let me crawl across the floor a while before finally jumping off. I love this cat. 14: Took the auditing section of the CPA exam. I feel much better about this one than I have about the other two. We’ll see on the 26th. 15: Such a busy day at the office! It was productive, but just a lot of work. 16: Even though I just too the other exam, I managed to get a lot of studying done. 17: Mamaw and I got to chat and work on the puzzle for a while. It was nice to hang out with her since I haven’t done son in quite a while. 18: We had some really good food at our investment club meeting today. Sheppard’s pie (like meat and mashed potatoes), salad, this great cracker dip (I have no other details other than feels like sharp cheddar finally shredded with a hint of spice in some sort of sauce). 19: Our new executive director started today. I think I made a pretty good first impression! 20: Started playing Arkham City again. We had a snow day and even my office closed, so I made the most of my day. 21: Lol and today I finished the main storyline of Arkham City. Accidentally, because I was doing side quests, but Batman got mad when I tried to go finish some before the last mission. 24: I am obsessed with Excel, but I figured out a formula so that it would total certain categories even if they weren’t in order. Plus I learned how to make a drop down menu (on two versions of Excel). Guess who’s budget looks beautiful! 25: I caught a Latias in Pokemon Go. Not having much luck with the water legendaries. I wonder if they don’t like me because we picked the grass starter. 26: I passed the Auditing section! (and instead of keeping it quiet, I made a point to tell some people). Then @nah-young and I went to dinner to celebrate our successes of the day and just have a nice chat. 27: Good news: I starved off a migraine that was starting on Feb 26. Maybe this new method will help them from getting bad. Just took an Aleve with some hot tea. 28: Went on a Pokemon run, and I found $20 blowing across the yard when I got home! A nice find for the year.

March 1: I’ve been really getting into “Ghost Story” by Peter Straub and had so much time to just sit and read while it rained. 2: I watched “Spiderman: Enter the Spiderverse” today. An epic movie and I highly recommend it! I also have several new costume ideas... 3: Officially started working on my Library Comic Con cosplay. There’s not much to show, but it was nice to start costuming again. 4: Hiked up to the nearby bubble tea. It was good! I got a mango green tea creama. Next time I know I have to mix it up before I start drinking it. 5: 6:   7: 8: 9: 10: Started replaying Castlevania IV. It’s been a while since I beat it, so hopefully I can still finish it! 11: I have proven myself an Excel deity. Well, at least Jane thinks though. She needed a spreadsheet for something and had some ideas so I whipped it out in five minutes flat with a bunch of formulas she didn’t even know were possible. I’m quite proud of it. 12: Lol, speaking of excel, I was geeking out over my budget with one of our board members. She was showing me how she built her itinerary in excel for her next trip and I got to show off my budget. 13: 14: 15: It was fake St. Patrick’s day at work, so I got to show off my green Riddler suit. Apart from being mistaken as dressing like a leprechaun a few times, I received a bunch of compliments on it. I’ve gotten a lot of use out of that suit jacket. 16: Tagged along with @nah-young to her grandfather’s birthday party and watched Bohemian Rhapsody. Apart from the timeline inaccuracies, I really enjoyed it! Look at that: two new movies in one month. 17: First big leaf job of the season. I guess the first major landscaping job. Dad helped out, so it made life easier. 18: Investment club meeting went well, and I ended up staying late to chat and help clean up, but it was enjoyable. Also had some great tiramisu from Trader Joe’s. 19: 20: 21: It was a downpour today, but I also made a 20 minute Costco run. Parking was great, the lines were short, and I managed to balance everything without a cart. Success! 22: Finally got around to doing invoices. It’s such a weight off my chest to take care of them. 23: I had the house to myself, so got ample studying done, played some pokemon, and treated myself to some bubble tea. Got myself a bunch of good pokes from Community day. 24: Another lovely day to sit and hang out with @nah-young. I always enjoy our hour long conversations just sitting in my car in her driveway. I also finished the lectures for the BEC portion of the CPA exam. 25: I found a gift card loaded with $30 today. It had been thrown into the dumpster, so a little gross, but it washed off nicely. 26: Ran up to the local library to turn in my books (look @arrowhearts, I did it the day before they were due and didn’t have to make a midnight run). I wasn’t going to check out more books since I already had some checked out from another library visit (I go to many branches due to my job and often check out a book or two, resulting in cycles of books due at different times), but I did anyway. I started reading Area X, too, and so far, I’m really enjoying it. 27: Our family’s accountants think I’m a bit weird because I was so excited to get my tax papers back even though I owed money. I was just like “cool!” to all the facts and things on my sheets, which is apparently not what they’re used to, but one of the new tax laws works in my favor as small business income is taxed at a lower rate or something. 28:  29: 30: I love Annihilation in the Area X series! I haven’t plowed through a book that fast in years. 31: I was catching up on my business spreadsheets and it turns out I had the most profitable March since I started my business :)

April 1: No April Fools jokes, which is always a huge plus. 2: 3: 4: Took the BEC section of the exam and then clocked in a bunch of hours for the Foundation. Jubilee is almost here!!! 5: 6: The Jubilee is over!!! What a relief! A lot of things went well, and I heard it was a lot of people’s favorite. Not sure what actually happened because I was stationed at check in/out all night, but hopefully the silent auction results are good. Huge shout out to @arrowhearts and @nah-young for getting me through the night! 7:A quiet morning of returning the Jubilee to the Foundation. Plus some other landscaping. 8: I know everyone at work is saying I should take time off, and I didn’t, but I’m actually feeling blessed that I have the physical and mental stamina to keep working on things. Plus, I need to catch up with post Jubilee stuff. 9: 10: 11: 12: 13: 14: 15: 16: 17: 18: 19:  Got to talking with my art dealer for a long while and we exchanged headcannons and ideas. 20: Had a nice Pokemon run with @arrowhearts‘ dog. Plus, enough work to keep me out of trouble X) 21: A very busy Easter. I moved a huge mound of mulch. It was half the size of my car. Hopefully the home owner will like it. 22: 23: 24: 25: 26: 27: 28: 29: 30: 31: I’ve been feeling behind, but I finally knocked out a really important thing at work today. Got our annual applications in!

May 1: 2: 3: My gauntlets for my comic con costume look so cool! They’re a little stabby (there’s staples on the inside, although I should be able to tape it down for safety), but overall look cool for a first draft. 4: A long day, but I feel like I was really able to help my friend and her family, which is nice considering how much they do for me. 5: The event that happened wasn’t good, but I’ve been humbled as to how well our house was kept and motivated to try and become more organized. 6:  Dad and I were chatting today, and we could even touch on topics in a civil manner. It was quite nice!  7: Just found out I passed the BEC section of the CPA exam! I’m 75% CPA!!! And no cavities were found after my dentist appointment :) 8: Frantically working on my costume, but my head piece looks really good! 9: Mom even chipped in to help. We rigged up a steampunk mask I have (which doesn’t fit on my head right) so that I can actually wear it. 10: I’ve been fasting for Ramadan and I think my body and I are finally on the same page. It was a rough start this year, but I’m looking forward to focusing on being thankful for what I have and working on self discipline. 11: Library Comic Con! My costume is a bit rough, so no final pictures, but I have plans to make it better! 12: It was a busy Sunday. Lots of lawns, but thankfully the weather was cool. 13: 14: 15: 16: 17: Had a nice meeting with my boss. I keep feeling like I’m not on top of things or she’s disappointed, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. Plus, she said I did great at the finance committee meeting, so that was nice. 18: Although I scared everyone I worked with all day, I was able to donate blood even though I had been fasting.  19: I saw the tiniest inch worm while I was pulling weeds today. It was more like a quarter inch worm and it was just trying so hard to climb up my arm when I found it. I also saw the first lightening bugs of the year. As a bug type Pokemon trainer, I’m quite pleased with all of this (less so with the mosquitoes though, as I got my first bite of the season). 20: I have found a nice way to keep cool at the property Dad and I work at. I’m allowed to douse my head, neck, and hat with the hose, and man does it feel good! 21: I received many compliments at the executive committee meeting for all my hard work on the budget, the Jubilee, and finance committee. 22: Caught up on reconciliations at work (finally). It’s been just a nightmare, but I’m happy they’re done. 23: Another me day. I’ve been taking Thursdays off and got to game for a bit but also accomplish a lot of laundry and studying. 24: Had a good meeting at work to discuss the future of the nonprofit I work at. Plus I finally made a phone call I didn’t want to make. 25: Went to a foam helmet making class with a coworker. I’m super excited to start trying out this style, and I think the sample we made in class can easily be used to make a helmet for Vile. Might have purchased a few things to go with it :) 26: Found a new drink that I love from Kung Fu Tea! Also got to rewatch Coco, which is always good. 27: Part of my afternoon spent working with Jane was changing her screen saver. It was set up for one photo of pictures, but some were so fuzzy, so we set up new pictures and I got to add my fuzzball to the reel. 28: I visited one of Jane’s friends to discuss dog sitting and we had such a nice conversation afterwards. 29: I found a four leave clover today while mowing lawns. It’s been years since I’ve found one, so that was exciting. 30: I plowed through about 6 hours of studying for the FAR portion of the CPA exam. Only two more lectures and then onto multiple choice! 31: Filled out a form at work (finally). Now I just have to hope my boss will sign it and have it notarized.

June 1: 2: 3: 4: 5: 6: Took the (hopefully) last CPA exam. It was nice as I spoke to an elevator engineer before the exam and it helped to calm my nerves a bit.   7: 8: 9: 10: 11: 12: 13: 14: Wasn’t sure what day to put this on, but @nah-young and I hung out for hours just sitting and chatting on the cats’ back porch. 15: Successfully navigated into DC with the help of @arrowhearts (and had an interesting laugh about her being my son...? Oh well, at least we got to give the people sitting outside a show as we left the building with two rollie office chairs each). 16: Started working on my Halloween costume. I’ve abandoned the idea I originally had and will be switching to a different Mega Man X character (fun fact: it was a costume I originally intended to make before being introduced to Scaramouche back in 2017) 17: It was a scorcher, but had a slurpee for the first time in almost a year. I’m so thankful for the 7-11 within walking distance of where my dad and I work on Mondays. 18: I’ve officially passed the CPA exam! Now onto the next steps... 19: I have been struggling with telling people good news, but I did make an effort to inform some people about me passing the exam. 20: Told some more people about the CPA exam and just trying not to stress. I got celebratory milkshakes for my family after dinner. 21: My coworkers are so sweet. They brought me in a cake and we had a mini celebration. 22: 23: 24: 25: 26:Found a praying mantis while mowing. She kept standing where I wanted to mow, so I got to pick her up and put her somewhere safe (with lots of snacks for her!) 27: 28: 29: So glad I went to see Detective Pikachu with @nah-young and @arrowhearts! I really enjoyed it! 30: 31:

July 1: A new fiscal year! I did manage to get a good bit done on my latch hook. 2: A sudden thunderstorm took me off the weed pulling job early (i.e. a perfect opportunity to read). 3: It was quiet in the office. Too quiet ... yet super productive! I processed so many gifts and letters. 4: I don’t really celebrate, and spent a lot of it working, but played some pokemon in the rain. It was a warm day, so the cool rain felt so refreshing! 5: A jammed packed day with trashrooms, a bank run, and more pokemon quests! I completed another 15 and hatched a new pokemon. Plus I finished another book: Dr. Death. 6: A busy day, but I was able to finish everything so I can take the next day off completely (for once). Again, apologies to @arrowhearts  for dragging you out and getting caught in a downpour so I could get some bubble tea! 7: 8: 9: 10: Unboxed my unicycle! Not sure when I’ll ride, but it’s ready when I am. 11: 12: 13: 14: The vanity is back in my bathroom! Dad’s renovating it, and it’s been a slow process, but I finally have a sink! 15: 16: 17: 18: 19: 20: Spent a few hours working on cleaning the basement, and I’m finally seeing some of the fruits of my labor. 21: 22: 23: 24: Officially finished the Vile helmet! 25: Just started a new dog sitting job, and the house is right on top of a pokestop. Guess I’m going to have a full item bag again! 26: Finally got myself a memory stick for my PSP. I’m replaying the Maverick Hunter X game ... because I can! 27: Got three team rocket grunts in one day at the one stop. 28: Plowed through the Vile portion of Maverick Hunter X. Lol, I probably make it harder on myself since I only use my favorites, regardless of if they’re good against the boss. 29: Had a huge crab and shrimp dinner at Jane’s house. 30: Hung out and ate delicious homemade butter chicken with my best friend’s mom (she’s basically like my other mother). We laughed and chatted, showed off our latest projects, probably kept the neighbors up, and just had a good time until like 2 in the morning.  31: Welp, it wasn’t a raid day for armored Mewtwo, but @arrowhearts and I did defeat more Team Rocket Go grunts in the rain.

August 1: Chatted with @nah-young for a few hours and I’ve got a new place to eat on my radar! 2: I kept feeling like I was letting my boss down because I couldn’t answer her questions/didn’t understand, but she insisted I was handling myself well, and found the information she needed later. Plus, she’s very complimentary of my work and appreciates my transparency and work ethic, both of which I work hard on and value. 3: 4: 5: 6:   7: 8: 9: 10: 11: 12: 13: 14: 15: 16: 17: 18: 19: 20: 21: 22: 23: 24: 25: 26: 27: 28: 29: 30: 31:

September 1: 2: 3: It’s official! We’re having a Halloween party at work. If my new schedule turns out, I’ll be at work on that day and will show off a costume. Not sure if it will be the one I’m working on, but I can always recycle an old one. 4: 5: 6:   7: 8: 9: 10: 11: 12: 13: 14: 15: I had such a good ripstik run. @nah-young and I practiced for a good while yesterday (and she did her first trick, too!). I guess it’s nice to see the fruits of our practice since we’ve been working off and on for about a month. 16: Had the investment club meeting at my house. I didn’t get to cook everything, but I picked the recipe and it turned out well! 17: I finished “Every Tool’s a Hammer” by Adam Savage (from Mythbusters) and I really recommend it. It’s such a great book for anyone who makes or creates. It’s a fun read and chocked full of helpful hints. 18: I decided to start reading the Naruto series. I’m enjoying it so far! Now I just have to wait for the next to volumes to be available from the library. 19: I started replaying Scooby Doo and the Cyber Chase. It’s amusing, although I’m a little rough. 20: 21: 22: 23: I’d been on the fence about taking a vacation early next year because I want to save up for a down payment, but after talking to my dad, I decided I’d do a little something. I still need to work out the plans (and make sure the people I want to visit are free), but I’m looking forward to it! 24: 25: 26: There’s a chance I might be going full time at my office job, so dad encouraged me to take the day off from trash rooms. I still got up early, but knocked out a bunch of chores, finished Scooby Doo and the Cyber Chase, finished a drawing, and cleaned in the basement a bit. 27: Lol, I just realized I have three cycles of books checked out again. I started reading The Wicked Years series. I’m trying to set aside time each night so I can read a chapter or two before bed. 28: I made the pattern for my gauntlets! I’m actually trying to do it the right way and making measurements, creating an accurate template, and just generally taking my time. 29: Part 2 of the gauntlets: They’re made! My template worked and I spent a couple of hours slowly forming and shaping them. I still need some practice on the gluing component, but at least they feel sturdy. 30: Started replaying DK 64 again. I really love this game. Besides Gauntlet Legends, it’s probably my favorite N64 game we own. 31: Got rained out at work, but managed to take it easy in the afternoon and just generally keep ahead with laundry.

October 1: Today officially marks the first day of working full time at my office job. They added ten hours a week, so now I’m working 4 days at 10 hours each. It’ll take a little adjusting. I’m happy for the extra hours! 2: I sent out invoices on time for once! 3: It was my fuzzball’s 16th Birthday today! Someone also brought in some really yummy snacks to work that were leftover from a meeting. I also managed to create templates for the leg gauntlets and cut them out of  foam. I’m just rolling with the motivation now, and would like to have Vile finished by Halloween (keep reading to find out if it was finished). 4: Really just having a good time playing DK 64. Knocked out Gloomy Galleon, so all that’s left are my favorite levels! 5: 6:   7: I have leg gauntlets formed. Lol, I guess I should look up the name... All that’s left is the chest plate and cape! 8: I lucked out! My coworker can’t go to a book signing even this weekend and asked me to get her book signed since I’m going. It was the perfect opportunity to get my hands on a copy of “Where the Crawdads Sing” which I wanted to read before this weekend. 9: Making some headway on the costume again! Arm and leg gauntlets have the plating and base coat of plastidip. 10: I finished “Where the Crawdads Sing” within 48 hours of having it my possession. That’s such a huge accomplishment to read something so quickly and eagerly! 11: I was plowing through my to do list at work. I knocked out 11 items. Woo! 12: 13: 14: 15: 16: 17: 18: 19: 20: 21: 22: 23: 24: 25: 26: 27: 28: 29: 30: My Halloween costume is finished *gasp* before Halloween! Barely, but it counts. 31: I won the most creative costume at work! Well, tied for first, but that’s cool.

November (whoops, I really forgot to write this month) 1: 2: 3: 4: 5: 6:   7: 8: 9: 10: 11: 12: 13: 14: 15: 16: 17: 18: 19: 20: 21: 22: 23: 24: 25: 26: 27: 28: 29: 30: 31:

December 1: 2: 3: 4: 5: 6:   7: 8: 9: 10: 11: 12: My coworker is back! She had been on extended leave for a while, but now she’s back. She bring such a positive and fun attitude to the workplace. 13: 14: I’m officially 25! I worked a few hours in the rain, but got a lot done (and saw Lucy, my favorite cat I cat sit). Instead of going to a steakhouse for dinner, which I’m not a fan of, we ended up going to somewhere I did enjoy. Overall, it was a nice and quiet celebration. 15: 16: 17: I finished the Naruto series today! It was a good series, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Going to take a manga break to work on a few novels I have checked out and then  decide which series to start. 18:  19: A busy day again. Knocked out two leaf clients for the year and went to see three bands perform at a local music club. I stayed out way too late, but had a great time hanging with a friend, one of the performers, and the performer’s friend. 20: 21: 22: 23: 24: Hung out with my brother and grandmother. I crushed them in several games! 25: Went to my coworkers in the afternoon and dueled for the first time in quiet a while. They wiped the floor with me, but I had fun with my deck destruction deck. 26: 27: Ended up hanging out with Jane for a while and just chatting about everything. We’re seeing eye to eye on a lot of things, so it was nice.  28: Finished my leaf jobs for the year! Time to relax. 29: 30: 31: Welp, ended up being sick and missing out on the intended New Year plans. I guess I did start the year with a migraine, so here I am ending it with one. After I rested up, I did start playing my favorite video game. Plus, I frantically read “Hey, Kiddo!” before the end of the year

Notable stuff

Highlights: Passed the CPA exam Officially hired full time

Books read: “Ghost Stories” “Every Tool’s a Hammer” “Where the Crawdads Sing” “Wicked” Naruto series “Hey, Kiddo!”

Movies watched: Spiderman: Enter the Spiderverse Mary Poppins 2 The Princess and the Frog Pokemon Lucario

[macgyvermedical]

This Year and Beyond- My Year in AmeriCorps NCCC

I will get things done for America.

To make our people safer, smarter, and healthier.

I will bring Americans together to strengthen communities.

Faced with apathy, I will take action.

Faced with conflict, I will seek common ground.

Faced with adversity, I will persevere.

I will carry this commitment with me, this year and beyond.

I am an AmeriCorps Member, and I will GET THINGS DONE!

-The AmeriCorps Pledge

My name is Ross.

I’m a 25 year old Registered Nurse, EMT-B, and Wilderness and Remote First Aid Instructor from northeast Ohio. On January 9th, 2018, approximately 316 days ago, I left my family, my apartment, my job, and very close to all my personal belongings to fly 602 miles to a small town I’d never heard of, with people I’d never met, to do work I didn’t choose, manage people who didn’t like to be managed, learn and grow more than I ever thought possible, make friends I’ll never forget, and become the person I’d always seen myself becoming.

I want to underline the hubris with which I embarked on this journey.

I graduated nursing school less than 2 years prior to entering the program. While there and in my first year as a nurse, I transitioned from female to male, was an RA for 2 years, survived a 3-year abusive relationship and 4 horror-story level roommates, and struggled with picking, hair pulling, compulsive lying, and generalized anxiety.

I thought, nothing could be more difficult than what I’d just gone through. This was going to be a break. I’d go, develop my leadership skill, meet some cool people, serve my country, and come back ready to tackle whatever came next.

Heh. Heheh... it didn’t exactly go like that.

First, some background. If you’ve never been in the AmeriCorps NCCC world before, it’s a pretty foreign place. You hear about military life a lot as part of popular culture, and Peace Corps is at least a household name. But I’d be willing to bet that unless you know someone who’s served, you probably don’t know much about (or possibly haven’t even heard of) the National Civilian Community Corps...

(Note- this is a really long post, something like 5,000 words. But its also pretty cool if you’ve got the time, or are interested in AmeriCorps NCCC. Also, there’s definitely some triggery stuff in here, so you may want to skip it if mental health, suicide mention, and anything along those lines doesn’t sit well with you.)

To avoid some confusion, AmeriCorps and NCCC are not synonymous- AmeriCorps is a larger organization that oversees several different civilian national service programs, including Volunteers in Service to America (VISTA), State and National (which is itself many, many programs), and the National Civilian Community Corps (NCCC, pronounced N-Triple-C).

NCCC is the program I was in. I don’t have proof of this, but having lived it, NCCC is likely one of the most intense domestic national service experiences one can have. It’s often billed as a “team based, residential national service program for young people aged 18-24.” And it is, but that doesn’t really capture the intensity of the experience.

For one thing, when they say the service is “team based” they mean it- Not only do Members work 40+-hour weeks together, but they truly act as a team- you live (sometimes all in the same room) with the team, train with them, eat with them, work out with them, have mandatory meetings, reflections, and team building activities, participate in 1:1 meetings, grocery and other shopping trips, and share one 15-passenger van for all transportation needs.

You live in a residence hall while on campus, but while away on project (called “SPIKE”), housing could be anything- cots in an office building or church basement, a cabin at a summer camp, the classroom floor of a Boys and Girls Club or YMCA, a school gym, a local college residence hall, the semi-completed portion of a house you’re actively building, or basically anywhere vaguely flat and dry enough to put a mat and sleeping bag.

Personal belongings- or, more accurately, space for personal belongings, is also at a premium. For SPIKE, you get a “red bag” with enough space for uniforms, underwear, a couple of sets of personal clothing, toiletries, and your personal protective equipment. You also get your sleeping bag/bedding bag (a space life saver, you can stuff any small belongings that didn’t make it into your red bag in here), and a personal backpack. You’re given a military style duffle (your “green bag”) to store out of season clothing, bedding, and other personal belongings on campus while you’re away. But that’s it. You learn to say no to free stuff pretty quickly.

There’s also TONS of rules, most of which are related to safety or reputation. We like to say “Someone did something stupid 5 years ago, and now we have to wear hard hats while gardening.” It’s funny, but its so close to true, it hurts. In context, it makes sense- NCCC is a government organization, and when you join, the government assumes total responsibility for your wellbeing. They pay for your food, your medical care, your housing, and your transportation.

In return, you do anything that might pose a risk to any of the above on their terms- even if you would never wear safety goggles while painting or make a passenger get out and ground guide you into a parking space at home, you do here, because they’d have to pay for it if you got paint in your eye or ran into a pole, and they reeeeeally don’t want to. NCCC, being a government-funded service organization, also can’t afford to do anything that could jeopardize their funding situation or reputation- so if you’re wearing “the A” (uniform items that have the AmeriCorps logo on them), swearing, drinking, jaywalking, and really any other unwholesome activities are expressly forbidden.

On the more logistical end of things, the 10-11 month “service year” is split into training (a month of team leader training (TLT) and a month of combined corps member and team leader training (Corps Training Institute, or CTI)), and 4 distinct, 6-8 week “Rounds” of (1-2) projects with week-long prep/training segments in between. There’s a week-long midyear break and a long weekend at some other point where you can go home or chill on personal expense, and 3 personal days that can be taken throughout. Otherwise, you’re either on SPIKE working, or at campus training.

Projects can be a lot of different things. Most common projects at my campus were working with environmental groups removing invasive species and building/maintaining trails, working with neighborhood revitalization organizations and police departments improving the look and condition of neighborhood buildings and empty lots, providing supplemental staff at non-profit summer camps, Boys and Girls Clubs, and YMCAs, and building houses for low-income families. Other projects might include tutoring children, general maintenance at non-profit or government facilities, building or maintaining parks or schools, entering data, conducting surveys, mucking and gutting disaster-affected homes, staffing shelters, creating lesson plans, piloting community events, and other tasks organizations need completed, but don’t have the reliable manpower to do themselves.

Before each project, you research the area and work and present a “briefing” to your unit leader, assistant program director, and unit support team leader (team leaders who live and work on campus supporting staff and teams in the field, and who act as a reservoir if field team leaders drop or need to go on extended medical or other leave). When you return from a project, you prepare and present a “debrief” and “portfolio” documenting your work and its impact. The briefings and debriefs take about a half hour each, and portfolios are 12-25 page papers on your project work, which will be used to justify the continued presence of the NCCC.

But just the work is not enough- each corps member has one or more “rep roles” or jobs that support the campus or team. “Official” rep roles include the Project Outreach Liaison (present to and try to get organizations to apply for NCCC teams), Recruiter (present to and try to get people to apply to be members and team leaders), Service Learning Initiator (responsible for facilitating team reflections and secure learning opportunities for the team), Media Rep (coordinates media coverage, writes press releases and articles about projects, creates social media posts), and Yearbook Rep (who creates a yearbook page and/or team video for each Round). “Team” Roles include Assistant Team Leader, PT Coordinator (organizes workout times, places, and activities), Food Point of Contact (creates shopping list, manages food inventory and budget), Cleaning Point of Contact (makes sure housing is ready for weekly inspection), and Team Builder (puts together activities and outings for recreation and team building/bonding).

The program is set up to be an immersive and intense experience. Teams of between 6 and 14 members travel throughout one of 4 assigned regions (Southern, North Central, Southwest, and Pacific) for SPIKE projects. They are led by a team leader, who mentors members, coordinates work assignments and tasks at the job site, does paperwork, responds to emergencies, and pretty much just makes sure all required things get done. Teams are organized into units, which have between 8 and 12 teams. Team leaders report to unit leaders, who remain on campus for the majority of the year.

Okay, so that was maybe a lot of background. But I think it is important to provide that information- unless you read the blogs or know someone, there’s not a ton of depth officially available as to what to expect.

But here’s my reflection on the year-

It started in Team Leader Training. I remember arriving with a lot of expectations. I’d come for the purpose of honing my leadership skills, getting some experience in disaster work (NCCC teams can be pulled off projects to respond to declared emergencies), and taking some time away from being a nurse before I settled down into my forever life. I’d read all the blogs and news articles, corresponded with a unit leader, and talked to people online. I felt I knew everything there was to know about NCCC despite never having met someone in it. I felt so ready.

Team Leader Training was amazing. It was everything I could have ever wanted. I was learning how to do a job I’d fantasized about since I was 17- how to manage members, work with site supervisors and sponsors, coordinate team roles, do necessary paperwork, mediate conflict, drive a 15p van, foster team bonding, balance a budget, etc… It was some of the coolest training I’d ever done. We got up at 5:30 for PT, trained until 5PM, and did homework and hung out in the evenings. By the third and fourth weeks, especially during our training “mini-SPIKE,” tensions among the TLs rose somewhat, but looking back, it wasn’t anything horrible. We were all pretty competent and like-minded people, doing something we loved and creating a network of support that would carry us through the year. I’d never been more comfortable with a group of people in my life. We didn’t get a ton of time off, but it was interesting enough and important enough that we didn’t care.

Then, February 13th, everything changed. Suddenly, where there had been 32 TLs learning to interact with each other, now there were 31 TLs (one went home) and 190 Corps Members. The place was swarming, and each TL was in charge of 8 or 9 CMs they had to mold into something they barely understood themselves. I remember totally flopping on my first meeting with my CMs. I already felt like I was drowning.

We now got up at 5:15 for PT, had “Muster” (morning meeting) at 6:45, trained and conducted trainings/meetings until 5, had team dinners, team meetings, and then were up until 9 or 10 at night submitting daily behavior logs for each member, preparing other paperwork, and preparing for the next day. It was utter and complete chaos. If yours was the team on duty that night, you probably didn’t get to sleep until 1 or 2 in the morning.

Then, suddenly, it was March 9th- departure day. My team, Cedar 2, drove a mere 2 hours to Wapello, IA, but it might as well have been to a foreign country. My campus-based support of other team leaders and staff was suddenly pulled out from under me. My Unit Leader was available by phone, but I struggled hard to find the time to talk to her. The team took the transition to SPIKE life hard, pushing back on the norms and expectations- PT, food shopping, team dinners, team meetings, etc…- as much as possible, making sure I knew how stupid every decision I made and action I took was. I kept it up the best I could, but I quickly became tired and depressed. Every day was a struggle to get people to follow rules, to get them to come to dinner and do their work. They complained, loudly, about everything, said extremely mean things to my face and behind my back.

I remember after a long day of of some pretty scathing 1:1s, sitting in the middle of a field away from my team and sobbing to my mom on the phone and begging her to give me some reason to stay in the program. I was sick with a stomach bug for over a week, and my CMs called me a hypocrite and a lier for taking a few hours out of the day to go to an urgent care. I felt for sure I wouldn’t be able to make it through the year. I began thinking of hurting myself. I contacted an old counselor to see if she did phone sessions. She didn’t, and I didn’t know where else to turn. I thought, hey, If I got caught, maybe I would get kicked out. The idea seemed almost nice.

We started the year with a “split round” project, meaning we spent 3 weeks in Wapello, IA doing trail work, and then 4 weeks in West Branch, MI doing construction at a summer camp. In between, Cedar 2 spent 3 days back on campus, which helped reset the team. We had many meetings with our unit leader, remade our team charter, and came up with a lot of plans to improve our dynamic. I felt like maybe things were looking up, that maybe Wapello would just be that dark time we would look back on and then never speak of again.

When we got to West Branch, things were better, but not good by any stretch. The team had lost a member and had turned somewhat on each other, forming 2 cliques. There was bullying against one of the members that I noticed and felt horrible about, but also powerless to stop. I went almost 2 weeks without more than an hour or two of sleep a night during this project, and my only contact with the outside world was a landline telephone in the (public) camp office and 1 bar of service if I walked to the edge of the parking lot. We had WiFi the first few days, but only rarely after that. We got snowed in for weeks. I got cussed out and screamed at by a CM when I asked him to put on safety glasses while operating a tile saw (I did successfully maintain calm and talk him down, which was a particularly shining moment during this time). I had problems with CMs not doing work that I didn’t know how to address without it becoming a much bigger problem.

I was still kind of a wreck, but I had figured out at least one thing I wanted to do- recruiting for nurses in the US Public Health Service was starting in May, and I couldn’t wait to start that process. By the time I graduated from NCCC in November, I could have a position with them.

It was an interesting project though, and due to our reset, we now did everything exactly by the rules. 3 PTs a week, 3 official team dinners with someone cooking 5 days a week, everyone wore their PPE or suffered the consequences, participated(ish) in team meetings, turned in their weekly reports, and we left with glowing reviews from the sponsor and site supervisor. Attitudes were still objectively bad, they might have hated it, they might have grumbled, but it was an expectation now, and they did it without being overly hellish towards me.

During this project, we also gained a new member who was very competent, polite, but who I couldn’t really read. He’d come from a sister program of NCCC called FEMA Corps (similar in structure to NCCC, but the only projects they do are through the Federal Emergency Management Agency) after failing a background check. I was a little concerned about his integrating into the team, but he seemed okay, and would talk to me at the job site when I talked to him, and actively tried to boost team morale, which was more than anyone else did and something I greatly appreciated.

We went back to Vinton for “1st transition” (the week of training between first and second rounds), presented our debriefs and portfolios, and prepared our briefing. It was the first time I’d seen “Team Green” (the NCCC name for the team leaders collectively in reference to our uniform shirts being green instead of the grey CM shirts) since the end of CTI. Some TLs had had a blast on their first rounds, while others, like me, looked positively gaunt. You could absolutely tell who’d been through hell their first round, and who, like me, hadn’t been able to communicate that until now. We swapped horror stories while training for our next projects, and I finally felt some hope for making it through the year.

The USPHS had unfortunately decided not to open recruiting for nurses after all, but I’d come up with another plan for LAA (Life After AmeriCorps)- I was going to graduate school instead. I had a plan to start applying early in our next round.

Our next SPIKE was a 7-week project in Yankton, SD doing a particularly extensive number of projects. We worked at a Boys and Girls Club, cleaned and packaged artifacts at a museum for a move to a new facility, painted a residence hall and did interior demolition on some bathrooms at a local college, and taught archery classes to children. I felt like a soccer mom, shuttling my CMs from project to project, and trying to spend at least a couple of hours at each site each day. I still dreaded 1:1 days and had to deal with some members’ poor life choices now that they were in a town, but the sun was out, the days were warmer, and due to the nature of the project, everyone was getting quality time away from each other. Thank heavens.

Despite this, I was personally still having some issues. I spent a lot of time hiding from my team after work. It was the only way I could see myself getting through the 7 weeks until midyear. I went for long walks and admired the architecture, hid with my computer watching TV, and leading DnD type medical adventures on Discord. Cedar 2 totally avoided our problems and it was exactly what needed to happen to get us through the round. Nothing got resolved, but people did what they were supposed to do, got great work experience, and no one got (seriously) hurt.

And I got accepted into a program at Kent State for Environmental Health Science! Woot!

And something else was on the horizon. We would return to campus for half of a transition, then enjoy midyear break, then return to… A brand new team! Staff had told us at the beginning of the year that there would be a midyear team switch, but hadn’t told us exactly what that would look like. But finally it had been confirmed. Everyone’s team would be shuffled, and new teams created, with no TL getting any of their former members on their new teams. I was extremely hopeful the next team would be better than the last, and I’d get to use what I’d learned from the first 6 months I’d endured.

The Cedar unit was also disbanding, and Cedar 2 would be absorbed into the Oak unit. When I returned, I would become the TL for the brand new Oak 11.

And holy crap, Oak 11 was awesome. Unique people who said good morning and cleaned up their mess, sat and talked after dinner, wanted to cook for the team (and were great cooks), planned great outings, participated in team meetings and team builders, and were pretty consistent about their work ethic and dedication to the team. Everything wasn’t perfect, but it was so much better than it had been on Cedar 2, and I was thrilled- it wasn’t all me that had screwed it up after all. I’d gotten a team who just brought out the worst in itself.

But I found, to my dismay, that even though the team was great and our project (Erie, PA doing neighborhood revitalization work) and housing and location were all awesome, I was still having problems. Thoughts of self harm were coming back and I was even sliding somewhat into suicidal thinking with graphic intrusive thoughts. I knew the team was working hard and doing what needed done, but I constantly mistrusted them. I would misinterpret situations and respond inappropriately to them, which significantly hindered my ability to lead the team. I leaned heavily on exact execution of the many, many rules of NCCC, but had no energy to enforce them and therefore just felt terrible about my abilities as a leader. I felt I was useless and not at all what the team or anyone deserved to have to deal with. My new unit leader was great, but he wasn’t the touchy feely type and I didn’t think I could get much support from him.

I tried again to contact my counselor, and she agreed to start seeing me over the phone. It was nice to have someone to talk to, even if that meant I had to pace in a public park while talking about very personal things in order to have some privacy from my new CMs, but it also didn’t help a lot. I would hash out the same situations over and over, and my counselor would point out my reactions were exaggerated, and I was convinced she just didn’t understand how intense the program was. After a few sessions, we talked about me quitting the program to get some more intensive help, and about me going on medication. And, if I was going to stay in the program, I had to start checking in with a friend every day, and my mom three times a week.

At this point, I wanted to stay in the program more than anything, and I didn’t want to feel like I was giving up. I had been very against medication from the first time I’d started seeing a counselor 6 years prior, but I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to make it through the last 3 months in the program if nothing changed, and I’d rather do something of my own volition than end up hurt or fired. I ended up taking 2 personal days- the first 2 I’d taken all year- to travel home to Cleveland and see a doctor about the mental health issues and a chance of getting a hysterectomy when I got home in November.

I ended up going on medication. The transition onto it was a little rough, but fortunately I was going into fall break (a long weekend) and then a transition week, and by the time we were on project again (Willow River, MN, doing maintenance at an environmental education center), I felt a lot better. Suddenly, I was functional again. I could lead a team and do what needed done. I still had some issues, but for the first time I was completely confident I would make it to graduation. My CMs noticed the change. I’d decided not to tell them about the mental health stuff in anything but extremely vague terms, or about going on medication, but it made me happy to hear other people noticed how much better I felt, and how much more I could do now that I could trust my perceptions of situations and didn’t feel like crap all the time.

The team went through a couple of hard weeks in the latter half of the project- including one day when every single person on the team asked to take a mental health day on the same day (mental health days are expressly not allowed in the Corps, but you can get around this with creative paperwork). Instead of doing PT that morning, we sat in the living room and talked out some things. It didn’t resolve much, but it did help people feel that they weren’t the only ones having problems. Only one person ended up staying back from work that day, and I looked at it as proof I was getting better- I had looked at a situation and instead of following the rules to the letter, I had bent them in a way that was absolutely helpful to the team.

The project felt like it was at once the fastest and the slowest project we’d done. We drove back to campus with a feeling of finality. This was it. We weren’t prepping for another project. Once we finished these last two weeks, we were going home for real.

A lot of my CMs struggled with that concept. Some had homes to go to, some had homes they wanted to get out of as fast as possible, some were successfully setting up jobs, some were planning to wing it when they got off the plane. Overall, going home would be a change for everyone in the Corps- people who were now very used to the schedule and the rules associated with NCCC life.

The day after I returned to campus I finalized my LAA plans too- my insurance had gone through and I would be having a hysterectomy in December! Woot!

Then it was just the long haul. Closure felt like CTI again except waaaaaay more relaxed. We did a couple of trainings or teambuilding things a day, but usually just hung out or did end of round paperwork and caught up with everyone we hadn’t seen all round.

We had an awards ceremony and a nice graduation that was streamed to Facebook so family living hundreds of miles away could watch. Less than an hour later, we drove our teams to the airport. Oak 11 stopped by a fast food place on the way and had one last team meal together before parting.

When we returned, the campus was empty. As 25 TLs, we scrubbed and returned our vans, and then each got assigned a staff member who put us to work preparing things for the next class.

The night before the TLs left, the night I’m writing this, we went out to the one mexican restaurant in Vinton and hung out for the last time. Some people went out to the bar after, but I hung back and wandered the halls of campus for the last time.

I walked past the gym where Rob Levis led PT at 5:45 on freezing January mornings. I washed my hands in the sink where Silvia shaved my head a few days into TLT. I wandered the classrooms where I’d trained and the kitchens where I’d cooked (and where the vent exploded that one time). I looked at all the rooms I’d stayed in on campus, sat on the couch where I’d stayed up way too late processing my first set of end of round paperwork after Wapello. I stuck my head in the room where I’d done team building for the first time with both of my teams (I didn’t stay long, there was a FEMA Corps team having a meeting). I walked the tunnels, the lounges, said goodbye.

Tomorrow morning at 9am, I will load my green bag and 2 backpacks into a 15 passenger van and ride to the airport. At noon, I will begin the journey back to Ohio.

The year has been so incredibly growth-inducing for me that I don’t know how I ever could have gotten to this point in who I am without it. Like thousands before me, I owe so much to the NCCC.

Even though it sounds corny, I will carry this experience with me, this year and beyond. I am an AmeriCorps Member, and man, did I get things done. 

[Patreon] [Ko-Fi]

[collecting-stories]

Magnolia IX | Modern!Hvitserk

Ragnar pays a visit to the reader at her work, revealing the reason he’s come around this time. 

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20

"I thought your whole family still lived in Sweden." You commented, following Hvitserk through to the back kitchen in the bakery. He had volunteered to take Nesbitt for a walk this morning so you could sleep in a little bit longer.  

"My mom lives in Sweden and my oldest two brothers. My dad lives wherever he decides to." Hvitserk shrugged. He grabbed a stool and dragged it over to the work table so he could sit while you worked. It was early for him to be up, considering his own work didn't start until evening and it was just 4am now.  

"He seemed nice." You replied. With your back turned you missed the sour expression on Hvitserk's face. "Better than my family at least." 

"He's only around when he wants to be and it's usually at the expense of one of us. Fucked my youngest brother over a few years ago when he showed up for his graduation." Hvitserk replied. "He was great when we were kids but..." 

"It's always different when you're a kid." You wanted to ask more about his dad and what exactly he had done to Hvitserk and his brothers but you didn't want to pry. If he wanted to tell you he would when he was ready.  

"When I have kids someday I'm gonna be the best fucking dad there is." He finally said, reaching over to dip his finger in the bowl of cupcake batter you were mixing. You swatted at him but he just smiled at you as he sucked the batter of his finger. "Strawberry?" 

"Yes, thank you for contaminating my cupcakes." You replied, moving further away from him on the work table. You didn't comment on his mention of his own future children for fear you'd say something embarrassing. After all, just cause you were dating didn't mean this was forever.  

"My hands are clean! I washed them before we left the house." Hvitserk replied. "Do you have any leftovers? I'm starving." 

"You ate that whole container of fried rice before you left with Nesbitt." You commented, though you still went to see if there were leftovers from yesterday. You came back with a bagel, handing it over to him. Hvitserk headed right to the refrigerator, grabbing the cream cheese on the bottom shelf. "It scares me how familiar you are with this kitchen." 

"I'm here every day." It was true. Every day you worked he stopped in to visit after his run, sitting in the kitchen with you. He had breakfast then went back to his place to sleep, though not before swiping your house keys so he could let Nesbitt up to his flat.  

"I know. I'm gonna have to start paying you if you spend any more time here." You replied. 

"If you want I have a few ideas of how I could be compensated." Hvitserk said around a mouthful of his bagel.  

"I'm sure you do." 

The rest of the morning went by in relative silence, Hvitserk enjoying just sitting there and watching you work. Arguably it was one of his favorite things, which was one of the reasons he woke up early nearly every morning to go with you. Another being that he didn't like you being alone in the bakery when it was still dark outside. You returned the favor when you could, showing up to Hvitserk's work at the end of the night with Nesbitt. The first time you had, Hvitserk had excitedly introduced everyone that he worked with to "my girlfriend and our dog".  

Mostly though, it was the watching you that he liked. Sometimes when both of you were home early enough to have dinner together, and actually cook, Hvitserk would just sit at the counter watching you make dinner. He said it was because he cooked all the time at work and he wanted you have the opportunity, but that wasn't true because he cooked plenty at home too. Whenever he thought of some recipe that he was sure would impress you.  

"I can practically feel you staring at me." You stated, back to him as you loaded the oven.  

"That's cause I am." He replied.  

"Right, well, quit it." You sputtered, a little caught off guard by his bluntness. You shouldn't have been, you knew Hvitserk well enough, but you were. 

"Fine, but only because I'm going home." He commented, finishing off the rest of his bagel.  

"I'm off early today." You accepted the hug that Hvitserk offered, letting him wrap his arms around you and lay a kiss on your forehead. "Maybe we can do something." 

"Sleep?"  

"Something more productive than that." You laughed.  

"Hmmm...sex?"  

"I'll see you later." You replied, pulling out of the hug, "give Nesbitt kisses from me." 

"Will do." Hvitserk promised. He stole a quick kiss of his own before heading out the door, offering a 'hello' to Martha as she came in.  

You went back to work once he was gone, finally able to fully focus on the task at hand without being distracted by your boyfriend. Martha opened the front while you stocked the display case with fresh desserts. Mornings were only rushed on Mondays and Fridays when you opened an hour early to accommodate the crowd. It was just a Tuesday today, a slow day by any means but that meant you would be able to get more done.  

It was about half way through your day, after a meeting with a very giddy couple who wanted a wedding cake, that you got a rather unexpected visit. Martha was popping her head in the back office, excited smile on her face as she told you that the some 'incredibly hot dad' was asking for you.  

"He's gotta be fifty-something but I would climb that any day of the week." Martha commented as you followed her back into the store front. "What do you put in these cupcakes seriously." 

"I don't..." You trailed off as you walked through the curtain and saw Ragnar standing there at the display case, appraising the desserts. He looked up and smiled when he saw you, the same sort of mischievous smile you recognized from Hvitserk when he wanted something. "Hello." 

"You've got a lovely little shop here."  

"Thank you, did you want anything in particular or?" 

"Just a minute of your day." Ragnar replied, smile still intact. 

"Oh well, Hvitserk's not in till tonight so, he should still be home." You said.  

"I'm sure he is then. I wanted to see you though."  

"Right okay, of course." You nodded, "Martha I'm gonna take a 5 minute break." 

You gestured to the curtain you'd come out from and Ragnar came around the counter to follow you into the back kitchen. He took up a seat at the same stool that Hvitserk had been sat in earlier but you chose to stand, arms crossed in front of you as you waited for him to speak. 

"I'm sick." Ragnar began.  

hmmmmm........

tags: @oddsnendsfanfics @thinkingsofamadwoman @kawennote09 @niamandthings @imagoodassninja @pebblesz892 @vikingsmania @dina-m16 @tinymoonshine @strangunddurm @thoughtsmeander2tumblingblindly @danceyreagan (I was gonna post a snippet of this for the WIP tag but I was done so I’m posting the whole thing.) 

[bloojayoolie]

Being Alone, Animals, and Another One: 6 Year Old Girl Lactating-Very relaxed& tolerant during behavior evaluation friendly, mellow, kid & cat Friendly, housetrained enjoys a game of Fetch, knows basic commands 29930-6 years old, 55 lbs At Manhattan ACC waiting For LOVE **** TO BE KILLED - 6/19/22018 **** SNACKS.... What else do you name a delicious sweetheart? =D Snacks has one of the cutest and innocent faces to be found. She is beautifully kept and knows exactly how to be the perfect companion pet. Numerous photos were taken of this superbly photogenic beauty, and her bio is just as lovely. Snacks is always found with a smile, big brown and happy eyes, a super soft smile and a white chocolate Hershey kiss above her nose. She graciously allowed all handling, and was referred to as easy going, relaxed and timid. She is estimated to be around 6 years old, and still lactating. Hmm, what does that tell us? Sadly, she was forced to part with her puppies so her owner could make some cash, and now rendered useless and put on the kill list. Many things in life are backwards, but a loving, healthy, young doggie should never die a tragic death because of heartless, greedy owners. The volunteers who have been caring for her since arriving at the shelter are perplexed at how such an adorable, sweet and deserving doggie is abandoned, but more importantly are working hard to show her love and help find her a home. Fostering is free, short term and transport can be arranged up to 4 hours of NYC. Please message this page if you can save this doll. SNACKS@MANHATTAN ACC Hello, my name is Snacks My animal id is #29930 I am a female brown brindle dog at the Manhattan Animal Care Center The shelter thinks I am about 6 years old, 55 lbs Came into shelter as owner surrender June 1, 2018 Reason Stated: Aggressive to other animals Snacks is rescue only My medical notes are... Weight: 55.4 lbs Vet Notes 2/06/2018 [DVM Intake] DVM Intake Exam Estimated age: 8 Microchip noted on Intake? n Microchip Number (If Applicable): History : OS due to killing canine housemates Subjective: BARH - prominent lactating teats Observed Behavior - timid but allowed for handling with a muzzle Evidence of Cruelty seen - n Evidence of Trauma seen - n Objective T = - P = wnl R = wnl BCS = 5/9 EENT: Eyes clear, ears clean, no nasal or ocular discharge noted Oral Exam: Moderate calculus on arcades PLN: No enlargements noted H/L: NSR, NMA, CRT < 2, Lungs clear, eupnic ABD: Non painful, no masses palpated U/G: INTACT MSI: Ambulatory x 4, skin free of parasites, no masses noted, healthy hair coat CNS: Mentation appropriate - no signs of neurologic abnormalities Rectal: externally normal Assessment: Lactating well developed teats Otherwise intact Prognosis: excellent Plan: Complete intake txs SURGERY: Temporary waiver due to LACTATING 13/06/2018 SO Sneezing multiple times during rounds observation. BAR and barking at kennel front. EENT -- serous nasal discharge; actively sneezing, cough with hack at end. A CIRDC P doxycycline 100mg tablet -- Give 2.5 tablets PO q24h x 14 days cerenia 60mg tablet -- give 0.5 tablet PO q24h x 4 days Details on my behavior are... Behavior Condition: 2. Blue Behavior History Behavior Assessment Upon intake Snacks allowed all handling. She was receptive to head and body touches. She had a very relaxed body and allowed collaring and having her picture taken. Date of Intake: 6/1/2018 Spay/Neuter Status: Unknown Basic Information:: Snacks is a roughly 6 year old large dog whom was gotten from a friend and kept in the same home for about 2 years. Unfortunately due to a previous bite history with other dogs she was unable to be kept. Previously lived with:: 1 adult, many dogs How is this dog around strangers?: Around strangers Snacks is described as friendly and plays gentle. How is this dog around children?: Around children of all ages she is described as relaxed, playful and plays gentle. How is this dog around other dogs?: Around other dogs she is described as typically relaxed and respectful and plays gentle. How is this dog around cats?: Around cats she is described as relaxed Resource guarding:: She has no known resource guarding issues. Bite history:: She has a previous bite history that is elaborated in a separate memo Housetrained:: Yes Energy level/descriptors:: medium energy level Other Notes:: Snacks is known to have no behavior concerns and isn't bothered by loud storms or fireworks. She enjoys being brushed, is afraid of having her paws touched and isn't bothered with having her food or toys touched, being held or restrained, being given a bath or when unfamiliar people approach her owner or home. Has this dog ever had any medical issues?: No For a New Family to Know: Snacks is described as friendly, affectionate, mellow, sometimes playful and independent. She enjoys playing fetch with balls, squeak toys or stuffed animals and enjoys sleeping on her own bed. She was being free fed American Journey dry food, is considered house trained, is well behaved when left home alone, knows the commands sit, stay, come and down, was being walked 2-3 times a day, pulls lightly on leash and off leash she stays close by your side. Date of intake: 6/1/2018 Spay/Neuter status: No Means of surrender (length of time in previous home): Owner surrender Previously lived with: 1 adult, many dogs Behavior toward strangers: Friendly, gentle Behavior toward children: Relaxed, playful, gentle Behavior toward dogs: Relaxed, respectful, gentle Behavior toward cats: Relaxed Resource guarding: None reported Bite history: Yes, Snacks is reported to have killed 2 small breed dogs in the home and 3 four week old puppies. Previously, Snacks has killed another one of the resident small breed dogs in the home. Housetrained: Yes Energy level/descriptors: Friendly, affectionate, mellow, sometimes playful and independent with a medium activity level Date of assessment: 6/18/2018 Look: 1. Dog's eyes are averted, with tail wagging and ears back. Allows head to be held loosely in Assessor's cupped hands. Sensitivity: 1. Dog stands still and accepts the touch, eyes are averted, and tail is in neutral position with a relaxed body posture. Dog's mouth is likely closed for at least a portion of the assessment item. Tag: 1. Dog follows at the end of the leash, body soft. Paw squeeze 1: 2. Dog quickly pulls back. Paw squeeze 2: 2. Dog quickly pull back. Flank squeeze 1: Item not conducted Flank squeeze 2: Item not conducted Toy: 1. Minimal interest in toy, dog may smell or lick, then turns away. Summary: Snacks approached the assessor with a soft body. She was social throughout the assessment, allowed all handling, and displayed no concerning behaviors. Date of intake:: 6/1/2018 Summary: Relaxed, allowed all handling Date of initial: 6/2/2018 Summary: Timid, allowed handling ENERGY LEVEL: Snacks is reported to have a medium energy level in her previous home environment in line with what is reported in the shelter environment. BEHAVIOR DETERMINATION:: NEW HOPE ONLY Behavior Asilomar: TM - Treatable-Manageable Recommendations:: Single-pet home,Recommend no dog parks Potential challenges: : Multiple-bite history/risk of future aggression Potential challenges comments:: Multiple-bite history/risk of future aggression: Snacks bit and killed multiple dogs who were living in the same house as she was. We recommend a home without other dogs. SNACKS IS RESCUE ONLY…..TO SAVE THIS PUP YOU MUST FILL OUT APPLICATIONS WITH AT LEAST 3 NEW HOPE RESCUES. PLEASE HURRY!!! IF YOU CAN FOSTER OR ADOPT THIS PUP, PLEASE PM OUR PAGE FOR ASSISTANCE. WE CAN PROVIDE YOU WITH LINKS TO APPLICATIONS WITH NEW HOPE RESCUES WHO ARE CURRENTLY PULLING FROM THE NYC ACC. PLEASE SHARE THIS DOG FOR A HOME TO SAVE HER LIFE.

[ezatluba]

Which pups will make the grade as a service dog?Canine science aims to increase the success rate by analyzing minds, genetics and behaviorDuke University houses a sort of "puppy kindergarten" for future service dogs in Durham, N.C. 

Karin Brulliard

AUGUST 10, 2020

Yonder, 11 weeks old and 15 pounds, had two choices. In a white-walled room at Duke University, the wiggly Labrador mix faced a neon green squeaky squid toy and an upturned bowl topped with a piece of kibble. “Okay!” a researcher said perkily, and the puppy didn’t hesitate — she scurried straight toward the treat.

Yonder was bred for an exceptionally difficult job: to become a service dog for a human who needs her — by alerting to a doorbell or pulling a wheelchair while remaining composed and quiet, in crowds or on trails, and never chasing squirrels. Whether she’s capable was being gleaned in this room, with tests aimed at measuring her problem-solving, self-control and communications with people.

That was the hope, at least, for Yonder and her six furry cohorts. Early this year, they were the newest subjects of a $1.6 million study, funded by the National Institutes of Health, to help untangle a question long asked by breeders and trainers and now increasingly scrutinized by scientists: What makes a successful service dog — and can it be predicted in a puppy as young as Yonder?

At stake is a lot of money and a lot of dogs. Our expanding understanding of canines’ unique skills has fueled interest in service dogs among people with disabilities and the military, but it has also spawned scammers and years-long wait-lists. Although large organizations have honed the use of breeding and training to produce calm and obedient dogs, only about 50 percent make the cut. By that time, nearly two years and as much as $50,000 have been spent on one dog.

That is where another booming field — canine science — is coming in. Over two decades, the study of dog minds, genetics and behavior has given rise to laboratories at universities around the world. And in service dog organizations, with their controlled breeding and noble missions, canine researchers see ideal study populations.

Morgan Ferrans, left, and Kara Moore prepare to put Wisdom through an aptitude test at the Duke University Canine Cognition Center in February. Researchers are studying whether dogs' performance on aptitude tests is linked to success as a service animal. 

“We’re trying to understand the dog side of the leash and how we get more dogs helping more people,” said Brian Hare, an evolutionary anthropologist who is co-director of the Duke Canine Cognition Center, which is studying puppies bred by the California-based Canine Companions for Independence (CCI).

Some discoveries have already been made. Hare and a colleague found that successful service dogs more often make eye contact with a person when facing an unsolvable task and use inferential reasoning to find a hidden reward. Another study concluded that puppies with “helicopter moms” are more likely to fail as guide dogs, while young dogs that quickly solve a multistep problem are more likely to succeed. A neuroscientist who scanned the brains of service dog candidates found that washouts had higher activity in the area associated with excitability.

Other revelations are further off, but potentially revolutionary. One canine geneticist is collecting thousands of DNA samples in a bid to pinpoint the genetic markers of star service and working dogs.

“It’s huge, huge,” Brenda Kennedy, CCI’s director of canine health and research, said of the impact the research could have on a donor-funded group like hers, which provides dogs at no cost. “It really comes down to numbers. Every time we increase the percentage of dogs that succeed in our program, the more we’re going to be able to have an impact.”

Puppies frolic. Puppy day care

That is why Yonder and her peers — Arthur, Aurora, Westley, Wisdom, Zindel and Zola — were enrolled in a sort of boarding school for future service dogs on the campus of one of the nation’s elite universities. Duke calls it “puppy kindergarten.”

Pups that make it will become one of the five kinds of service dogs CCI provides, which include hearing dogs and assistance dogs for veterans with PTSD. Washouts might be “released” to another organization for a different job, but often they become pets.

In March, the spread of the novel coronavirus forced Duke to close, and Yonder’s cohort was sent to live in private homes. But the research has continued with puppies being raised off-campus, and Hare said he expects the kindergarten to resume at the university in 2021.

In normal times, this is how it works: A new group of puppies arrives each semester and bunks, for 12 weeks, in the brick biological sciences building home to the Canine Cognition Center or in dorms with students. During the day, all romp together around a linoleum-floored room that amounts to a puppy day care, with plush dog beds, soft lighting, birch tree decals on a wall and a white noise machine playing forest sounds. Outdoors is an artificial turf play area, where the sight of tussling puppies regularly stops passersby in their tracks.

The puppies are cared for and cuddled by student volunteers, who were, unsurprisingly, eager to help. (Six hundred — one-tenth of the undergraduate student body — responded to a call but were winnowed down to 150 after being required to take a five-hour online course about dog cognition and attending a meeting, Hare said.)

Duke students, including Zachary Horowitz, center, were eager to volunteer at the Canine Cognition Center. 

The pups face 14 cognitive tests every two weeks from the time they are 8 weeks to 20 weeks old, the most rapid period of brain development. At 16 weeks, Hare said, their brains are the equivalent of a 6-year-old child’s.

Hare has been working with CCI for about a decade, since, he said, he was shocked to learn at a conference that behaviorism — the idea that a person or animal’s behavior can be explained or altered by conditioning — was still canon among dog trainers. He and other canine scientists had known since the 1990s that dogs have different individual cognitive abilities.

Sitting in his office down the hall from the puppy day care in February, Hare described a test his lab gives to gauge a dog’s tendency to rely on its memory or a human’s gesture: A person hides a reward under a box as a dog watches. Then the human points to a second box, and the dog makes its choice.

“We’re trying to understand the dog side of the leash and how we get more dogs helping more people,” said Brian Hare, right, the center's co-director. At left is research scientist Vanessa Woods. 

“There is no right answer. And what you find is some dogs really rely on their memory, and they completely ignore you, and other dogs really listen to you. So it’s not one dog is smarter than the other,” Hare said. When testing service dog candidates, he added: “Our challenge now is even more specific, which is, can we figure out which outcome is best for you, given your cognitive profile?”

Hare said he and other scientists have already found, for a study not yet published, that puppies’ performance on some tests at 10 weeks mirrors how they do at 18 weeks. The Duke project aims to get even greater “resolution” on when these skills develop, Hare said, and how early they predict later success.

Innate skills are not everything. To an unknown degree, environment matters, too, and another side of puppy kindergarten is a socialization experiment. Might an amped-up social environment in these formative weeks provide a sort of “head start,” as Hare puts it?

Before starting training at 18 months, most service dogs are raised in homes by individual or family “puppy raisers.” The Duke puppies are being raised around one another and a stream of humans. Any student can visit the nursery and cavort with puppies, and 4,000 did so last fall. The puppies visit pediatric patients at Duke University Hospital. Medical students perform exams on the pups, as practice for interacting with nonverbal young children.

“When we see him starting to get frustrated, we can just re-engage him,” Margaret Gruen, an assistant professor at North Carolina State University’s College of Veterinary Medicine, said as she held Zindel, a yellow Lab, on an exam table in the Duke cognition lab. Next to Gruen, who is co-directing the research at Duke, medical student Laura Noteware gently felt for Zindel’s lymph nodes.

“Good boy! Good job! Lovely lymph nodes,” Noteware said. Zindel, sitting calmly for the prodding, eagerly gobbled a treat.

Zindel gets a check-up. The genetic factor

Service dog providers have long used behavior and temperament tests — to measure fearfulness, say, or aggression — during puppyhood and training. But there’s been little large-scale data collection or consistency, researchers say.

“There are programs that change their policies with the wind — this year it’s Test A, and this year it’s Test B,” said Evan MacLean, who directs the canine cognition center at the University of Arizona and frequently collaborates with Hare. He said he’s optimistic the wave of research will boost providers’ success rates, but he warned that it will take time.

Some providers that breed puppies also use genetics, analyzing pedigrees to estimate the likelihood that a breeding pair will pass along certain traits, such as hip dysplasia or fear of thunder. By collecting this information over three decades, the New York-based Guiding Eyes for the Blind, which provides guide dogs, has raised its success rate from about 20 percent of puppies born to nearly 40 percent, said Jane Russenberger, its senior director for breeding and genetics. (Dogs’ most common reason for failure, she said, is not being able to bounce back into work mode after something alarming occurs.)

But each year, about 170 puppies graduate from the program, and about 400 applications for dogs come in, she said. Its wait list is about 150 people long. That is why Guiding Eyes is now working with Elinor Karlsson, a geneticist at the Broad Institute of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology and Harvard.

Karlsson studies the genetics of dog behavior, and she sees working dogs — a group that includes service dogs and those that do jobs like drug detection — as key subjects, because they are mostly selected for behavior, not looks. By sequencing working dogs’ DNA, she hopes to discover patterns that correlate with success. She figures she needs samples from 10,000 dogs to make this work; she has about 1,600.

“If you had a predictive test that would be able to tell you whether a dog is likely to be successful, you could do that as a puppy and decide whether you want to invest the resources,” or even test shelter dogs, Karlsson said.

Russenberger’s bar is lower. Her hope is that Karlsson’s work will help Guiding Eyes hone its selection of breeding dogs, leading to higher graduation rates.

“I’m not out to breed couch potatoes, even though they’re lovely pets. It’s really that we want as many guide dogs as possible,” she said. “Just think of the years of savings by being able to serve more people who are blind and visually impaired.”

Lab coordinator Morgan Ferrans watches Wisdom perform an aptitude test. Impulse vs. learning

Back at Duke’s test room in February, Anya, a 7-month-old giant compared with little Yonder, spilled over the black floor mat. The Labrador-golden retriever mix was a member of the puppy kindergarten’s fall cohort. She now lived off campus with a puppy raiser, but the lab was still following her progress.

Ahead of her was a transparent tube covered in an opaque sheath, open at both ends, with a treat inside. In this warm-up portion of the test, she was figuring out how to get it. Next, research coordinator Kara Moore removed the sheath, and Anya watched as Moore placed a treat inside.

What Anya did next would be a measure of her inhibitory control, known as an “executive function.” Would she ignore her impulse to go straight for the treat, which she could now see, or use the information she already had and detour to the end of the tube?

Hare and others have done this test on many species. Lemurs, Moore said, “just cannot do it at all,” and bump into the tube repeatedly. Detection dogs Hare and MacLean tested did poorly, perhaps because their search tasks require a go-get-it lack of inhibition, Hare surmised. But successful CCI dogs did well.

Anya chose the detour. She was still many months away from starting service dog training, but on this small measure, she performed like a pro.

Medical student Laura Noteware, left, and co-principal investigator Margaret Gruen prepare to examine Zindel. 

[jae-bummer]

My Idol: Part Thirty

My Idol From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

My Idol is a South Korean competitive reality dating game show. It currently airs on Wednesday nights on Jae-bummer’s blog. First broadcast in 2016, the show offers the opportunity for a lucky fan to go on seven blind dates with seven idols. The idol plans the date with the show throwing in specific missions to complete during the day. At the end of the initial dates, the show opens up an audience vote to decide what three idols will move on to the second date.

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10 - Part 11 - Part 12 - Part 13 - Part 14 - Part 15 - Part 16 - Part 17 - Part 18 - Part 19 - Part 20 - Part 21 - Part 22 - Part 23 - Part 24 - Part 25 - Part 26 - Part 27 - Part 28 - Part 29 - Part 30 - Part 31

Day 1: 

“Honey...

HOney.

HONEY.”

Your eyes slowly came to terms with the light streaming into the room around you as Jooheon bounced happily atop of the mattress you were sleeping on. 

“What time is it?” you croaked, running a tired hand across your face. You knew you looked less than desirable as Jooheon smiled down on you. 

“Eight,” he nodded, giving a bounce as he spoke the numeral. “Time to wake up.”

“On what planet?” you groaned. “This is vacation, isn’t it? That means we sleep in.”

“Not when you have an action packed day full of fun!” he smiled, tilting his head back and forth as if he were a puppy. 

“Ugh, why do you have to be like this?” you gasped, flopping over and burying your face deep into a pillow. 

“It’s one of my many charms,” he chuckled, rubbing your back now that it was available to him. “C’mon honey, get up.” 

“Jooheon,” you sighed, leaning around to peak at him from behind your blankets. “Why do you call me honey? I call you Heoney and that’s pretty similar, don’t you think?”

“Simple,” he nodded. “It’s because I’m a Heoney bee. Heoney bees love honey.” 

Jooheon smiled to himself for a moment at his clever pun before his face went entirely blank. He began to laugh nervously before words began to spew from his mouth. “Not like I love you or anything yet. That takes a lot of work. Love that is. The big “L” word. Lovey love love...uh-”

“Jooheon,” you hummed, cutting him off. “I know you didn’t mean it like that.”

“Really?” he asked, his eyes wide. “Promise?”

“Promise,” you sighed. “Even if I am pretty lovable.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he laughed. “You’d be more lovable if you got up.”

“So...like...if we end up pursuing a relationship, does that mean I always get woken up this early?” you muttered. “Because if the answer is yes, it could weigh heavily on my decision going forward.”

“Aigoo,” Jooheon chuckled. “Would you just get up already?”

“So...you are telling me...” you croaked, looking up at the building before you. “That you woke me up...to get an early start at the-”

“JEJU ISLAND’S TEDDY BEAR MUSEUM!” Jooheon grinned, flinging his hands in the air before you. You heard a snort behind you, signifying that Armpit or Sweaty found the situation to be fairly amusing. This caused you to groan and stomp your foot as if you were a small child. 

“Lee Jooheon, what could possibly be so entertaining that could not wait another hour or two?” you gasped. 

“Well, for starters,” he hummed, pulling a small brochure from his back pocket. You furrowed your brows, unsure of how he possibly got ahold of the flyer in the first place. “You can find out everything you ever wanted to know about teddy bears. I don’t know about you, but I’ve always wondered-”

You lifted your brows as you watched Jooheon speak, not necessarily listening to his words, but watching his facial expressions and his mannerisms. He was generally a pretty emotive and physically expressive person, but in this moment, he was on his highest setting. He looked so completely enamored and engaged by the idea of learning about the history of teddy bears, that you couldn’t help but be thrilled as well. 

Jooheon was funny in that way. In so many situations, you were easy to shy away or become disinterested, but you knew if he were to show any sort of interest, it would be near infectious. If Jooheon was excited, you would inevitably become excited as well. 

But you would come to learn that you could immediately regret his excitement. 

You had never seen so many stuffed bears in the entirety of your life. There were bears posed as famous pieces of art, bears posed as celebrities, and bears posed as historical figures. There were bears set in historical scenes, modern spaces, and even once set in a jurassic situation. You saw bears in dresses, bears in coveralls, and bears in suits. Some bears stood life size while others were taller than you. 

Needless to say, by the time you arrived at the gift shop, you were teddy beared out. 

“Which one?” Jooheon asked softly, eying up a small and squishy bear located on a shelf at eye level. “You can have any one you want.” 

“Please,” you hummed, pushing your face into his shoulder. “No more.”

“When we’re driving away and you’re upset because you didn’t get a teddy bear from the Jeju Teddy Bear Museum, I don’t want to hear it,” Jooheon clucked, kissing the top of your head softly. You chuckled to yourself and leaned back, giving a soft slap to his shoulder. 

“Fine, pick one for me,” you muttered. 

“I pick him,” he nodded, grabbing at a particularly chubby bear. “He looks like he needs to be appreciated.”

“Mmm, you think?” you asked, tilting your head and taking the bear carefully into your hands. “You think he would be interested in becoming a contestant on My Idol?”

“I don’t know,” Jooheon chuckled, lifting his brows. “Would I have to surrender my spot in the finale to him?”

“That could be a possibility,” you grinned, elbowing your date. “What a plot twist that would be.”

“I can’t take any more plot twists to be honest,” he sighed. “I’m sick of showing up for a voting special and everything is on fire.”

After Jooheon had paid for your small and furry friend, you found yourselves both looking for some sort of sustenance. It didn’t take long for you to locate a cafe on your phone and have the My Idol SUV transport you to your desired location. 

The two of you settled into a table at Cafe Two Weeks, a quaint, little restaurant you could easily spend a few weeks in exploring on your own. You were amazed by the hidden gems Jeju had to offer and how easy it was to stumble upon something simply beautiful that you wouldn’t have known about otherwise. 

There were two floors of the cafe, with the second floor providing an exceptional view of the ocean. The seating you chose however, was placed in a secluded outdoor garden. It seemed to be the perfect place to get away from the bustling beaches and museums and simply relax for a few hours. 

“Heoney,” you called, looking over your menu at the handsome man. You recalled the question you had posed only a few days ago to Jay and thought about posing it to Jooheon as well. “I have a question.”

“And I have an answer,” he smiled with a wink. “I can’t always confirm you’ll like my answers though.”

“I’m at peace with that,” you nodded. “As long as the answers are honest.”

“No promises,” he chuckled, looking down at his menu. You watched as his eyes scanned carefully over the words printed on the page. “What’s up?”

“Why My Idol?” you asked simply. 

“I don’t know,” he hummed. “I thought it was honestly kind of a stupid name for a show to be honest, but what does my opinion-”

“No, Jooheon,” you sighed. “Why did you sign up for My Idol?”

“Ah,” he said with a small nod. His eyes lifted up from his menu and he placed the paper on the table before him. “I had a feeling you were going to ask that.” 

“Then you must have prepared a reaaaally good answer,” you grinned. 

“I was going to try to freestyle this one actually,” he smiled. “Why did I join My Idol? Well...the production crew approached Starship and wondered if any of us were interested. Somehow we’ve gotten the title of being broadcast friendly idols, so we were approached pretty early on...Originally Shownu hyung had volunteered as he was the oldest, followed by Wonho hyung, but our manager pushed for me to take the spot. At the time, a relationship was honestly the last thing I wanted. The goal was to get in and get out with only one thing on my mind...winning.”

“Oh,” you gasped, a bit taken back by his words. You knew Jooheon would be nothing but honest with you, but you had assumed most of the men had joined the show for the notoriety and spotlight on their respective groups. 

“The guys insisted we weren’t much good at winning things,” Jooheon chuckled, his cheeks immediately turning more and more red with a blush. “So I had to win. When I got here...well...I wasn’t quite expecting you.” 

You nodded with a small smile. Jay had held a similar sentiment. 

“I think it took me a few days after our date to realize...you weren’t just here to get famous from a reality television series. You weren’t here just to be able to brag about dating an idol. You actually wanted to get to know us and that was really important to me. Not many people want to get past the surface...and actually stay.” 

“You’re human after all,” you said softly. “Or at least that was the mantra I repeated to myself whenever I would have an initial date. Idols are regular people, just with a brighter spotlight.” 

“That’s a way to put it,” he nodded. “And you definitely haven’t shied away.”

“And I don’t plan to,” you grinned. “So...you joined My Idol because you wanted to win?”

“Well that and I knew there would be free food,” Jooheon laughed. “Speaking of, what are you ordering?” 

“Aigoo,” you grumbled. “Really?”

“This is important,” Jooheon nodded with wide eyes. “Will the cappuccino or americano make it to the season finale?” 

“You’re the worst,” you muttered under your breath. “And obviously the cappuccino, are you crazy?”

Jooheon smiled, his eyes disappearing in his cheeks. “Then I’ll pretend I’m the cappuccino then...even if the americano is better.” 

Day 2: 

You blinked heavily, your body slowly coming to terms with the idea of being awake. Stretching your arms out before you, you flopped over to the opposite side of the mattress and giggled to yourself. Jooheon was still solidly asleep in his bed, but both arms hung from the edge of the mattress and toward you. His mouth was slightly ajar, his light snores carrying through the suite. The noise wasn’t anything to keep you awake, but was just comforting enough to let you know he was there. His nose twitched, much like a bunny, as he groaned lightly between snores. He must have still been immersed in a dream. 

You nodded to yourself, confirming your consciousness. Your legs began the agonizing journey of uncovering themselves from deep within your covers and out into the open world. Your feet hit the hardwood with a light smack, causing a shiver to launch through your spine. The suite was definitely chilly this morning, but you were certain Jooheon had cranked down the temperate while you slept. You recalled from your first date how warm he had gotten, so you couldn’t blame him. 

Exhaling, you lifted yourself from the mattress and began to shuffle to the bathroom. After a beautifully warm shower, you threw on some clothes, and most importantly, your fuzzy robe. You slid open the back door of your room, careful not to stir the still snoozing Jooheon as you began to walk barefoot toward the sound of waves. 

It didn’t take you long to target the noise you had heard as soon as your My Idol SUV had pulled up to the hotel. Jeju was an island after all, so it seemed like it would be easy to find a beach in most situations. You wandered out onto the soft sand, barren of any tourists as it was just past sunrise and too early to begin sunbathing. You wrapped your arms around your waist and took a deep breath. 

You were feeling so many things in this moment, you weren’t quite sure where to even begin your thought processes. The past few months had been the most exciting of your life. It felt like every moment you had had up until the point when My Idol had begun had been so soft and quiet compared to this. These moments and memories, they screamed in your mind. They begged for attention and stood in glaring 4D color as you thought back on every moment. You had gone over date after date with such granularity that sometimes you were unsure of how your path had ended here, but you were here. 

That is what mattered. 

So many times during your journey it seemed like you could have simply given up. You would have avoided so much hurt, so many tears, and so much heartbreak if you would have simply told producers you couldn’t carry on. 

Especially after your date with Top when you had ended up in the hospital. 

Top...

That was a memory you weren’t prepared to think about. Especially not here. 

You thought back to the first results special. You dived back into the emotions that had been coursing through you as you spoke Jay’s name to the studio full of My Idol fans. You remembered Jooheon’s face as he realized the fans had voted him through for the first time. How could you deserve either man? They were both too perfect. 

You thought making a decision would be easier than this. You had never been swept up in such a tidal wave in the entirety of your life. You had never thought you’d be involved in a love triangle, and yet here you were, stuck between two rappers who sat on different ends of the spectrum. 

Jay was rough around the edges, but extremely soft at his core. You quickly learned that most of his facade was just that, a flimsy covering to remain unexposed to the world. He attempted to act hard and use coarse words when before the cameras, but when it was only the two of you, he dissolved into a wonderful partner. He was funny, supportive, and deeply attached. He cared about your well being and had been the only man to actually go as far as to break the rules to make you fall in love with him...

love...

were you in love with him? 

The word made your stomach churn. 

And then there was Jooheon. You had never thought of him as being rough around the edges, but he did have a definite exterior, just as Jay did. Jooheon was very put together and extremely talented. He shone in everything he did and you felt as if your light was never dull while he was around. He added energy to a room and made you feel wanted. He had played by every rule My Idol had thrown at him and kept a smile on his face the entire time. You had begun your journey by simply identifying as his fan...

and now he had mentioned introducing you to his mother as his girlfriend? 

You had been called worse things, that was for sure. 

“I was worried,” a raspy voice cooed as a pair of sweater paw-ed hands wrapped around your own huddled body. You smiled to yourself as you identified the sleepy tone to belong to Jooheon who nuzzled his face into your neck. “I didn’t know where you went.”

“I needed some fresh air,” you sighed. “Life is hard.”

“Well...yes,” Jooheon chuckled. “But why in this particular circumstance?” 

You took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. “I’m not going to subject you to the inner workings of my head.”

“Yes, you will,” he grinned. “That’s what being in a relationship is about, Y/N. I know we aren’t technically official, but if we want to prep for the future-”

“That’s half the problem, Heoney,” you grumbled, cutting him off. “The future.”

“Explain,” he sighed. He unwrapped his arms from around you and plopped into the sand. He patted the ground beside him before drawing his knees up and resting his arms on them. 

You grumbled as you landed onto the sand beside him and stared into the waves crashing before you. “I don’t know what to do.”

“I was worried about that,” Jooheon sighed. “I was kind of hoping that it was such an obvious answer...that you wouldn’t have any second thoughts about it.” 

“I wish,” you muttered. “You are both just...terribly good guys. You’ve done so well and treated me so right.” 

“But not well enough,” he muttered, gazing out into the waves again. “Not well enough to make you forget about Jay Park.”

“It’s kind of difficult when I’m actively dating both of you,” you laughed bitterly. “I don’t want to make this a competition...”

“It is a competition,” Jooheon whispered. “It has been from the beginning. That’s the whole point. What idol can catch your interest and your heart...isn’t it?”

“It’s more than a competition,” you grumbled, furrowing your brows. You looked up to Jooheon and tilted your head. This was one of the first times he had ever used such a stern tone with you and it sent up an alarm of discomfort in your head. “It’s my reality, Jooheon.”

“Which is why I’ve taken it so seriously,” he nodded. “Some people play by the rules in life, Y/N and they get rewarded for it. Jay hyung has done nothing but break rules and he’s been getting rewarded this whole time. I hate the way this works.”

“You don’t think you’ve been rewarded?” you questioned. 

“I’ve seen the message boards,” he sighed. “I’ve been on Tumblr, and Twitter, and the fancafe...So many people talk about how Jay has unexpectedly caught their interest...how I don’t even stand a chance. I’m so worried they’re right...that in your head you’re thinking the same thing.”

You closed your eyes tightly, only reopening them again once tiny stars had begun to fill your vision. “Jooheon...”

“I know me complaining isn’t attractive,” he grumbled. “And people are used to seeing me be this happy virus, but these are the things that worry me. These are the thoughts that make me think “should I have done these things instead?” I’m always wondering if I’m enough.”

You were near tears as you placed your hand on Jooheon’s shoulder and gave a light squeeze. “But you are enough.” 

“It’s hard being an idol,” he clucked, near tears himself. “You are always wondering if people want to date you or be your friend because they think you’re so successful. You have your family, but they’re far away. You have your managers, but they’re busy making schedules. You have your members...but at the end of the day...after a show or an interview...it’s just you alone in that hotel room. Or that dorm room. Or that bus. You and your thoughts, your dreams, your emotions...Y/N...

I just...

I don’t want to be alone anymore...”

[celeryhawk30]

May 5, Volunteer to Raise a Service Dog

Why not raise a service dog while you’re taking care of your own dog?

Do you love puppies? Can you teach simple commands and proper behavior? If so, then you might want to consider volunteering as a puppy trainer to assist people with special needs.

The world’s largest provider of dogs that help people with physical disabilities is the non-profit organization Canine Companions for Independence (CCI), and they are looking for a few good dog lovers to help with this important and worthwhile cause.

CCI has regional centers serving states throughout the nation. Founded in 1975 and headquartered in Santa Rosa, California, they are now in need of puppy trainers. Volunteers will have the satisfaction of knowing they helped disabled people gain independence by supplying them, at no cost, with assistance dogs.

What It Takes to Raise a Service Dog

Once you have been thoroughly screened and accepted into the program, you will bring a puppy into your home and community for a little over a year. In raising your service dog you are responsible for:

• Providing a safe environment for the dog

• Loving the animal and helping with socialization 

• Paying for and feeding the dog a healthy diet

• Taking the puppy to approved obedience classes

• Transporting the puppy to, and paying for, its medical check-ups.

As a member of your home and family, the puppy's habits and behaviors will become well-known to you. You are expected to submit monthly reports to the organization. When the dog is not indoors or sleeping in a kennel or crate at night, it is expected to be on a leash when outdoors or in a fenced yard. 

Process of Becoming a Puppy Trainer

This successful program has a rigorous application process. It can take as long as two years for a person to be accepted as a volunteer. People wanting to raise a service dog must be at least 18 years of age. If they are under that age, a parent or guardian must be the co-applicant. Puppy trainers must acknowledge they are to return the puppy after training is completed. People interested in joining the program may begin by going online to the organization's website to request an application: www.cci.org 

Where the Dogs Come From

Labrador retrievers, golden Retrievers, and mixtures of the two breeds are top choices of Canine Companions and come from the organization's own breeding program. In choosing one from a litter, the organization looks at the dog's temperament, health, trainability, sisters and brothers, and the past offspring of its dam and sire. 

Volunteer to Become a Breeder-Caretaker

Canine Companions also needs another type of volunteer: a breeder-caretaker for Labrador retriever and golden retriever service dogs. People who live within 90 miles of Santa Rosa, California can apply to help care for breeder dogs. Once the pups are born, the volunteers will raise them as outlined above. Anyone interested in pursuing this job may go to the organization's website to get the phone number or email address.

Interim After Home Instruction 

When training ends at your home, the dog is typically 14 to 16 months old. From there it goes to a professional training center for 6 to 9 months of advanced training. Even at this point, some dogs may be released because they are not a good fit for the program. During advanced training, basic commands are reinforced. Dogs also begin working around a wheelchair and learn the “retrieve” command. As the weeks go by, the puppies learn commands such as “pull” and “light switch” and “open the door.” By the time they are finished, they will understand 40 cues.

Team Training

Finally, the dog is partnered in a two-week training camp with the person it will assist. During these sessions, commands will be modified to ensure the recipient and the dog are well matched. 

Types of Assistance Dogs

After training is completed, the dog will be used as a service dog, hearing dog, facility dog, or skilled companion. Service dogs perform common tasks such as picking up keys, turning on lights, pushing elevator buttons, opening doors, and pulling on a person who's seated in a manual wheelchair.

These graduate dogs can even help people with their business transactions by transferring money, collecting receipts, and receiving packages. Service dogs are helpful to individuals with arthritis, spina bifida, cerebral palsy, spinal cord injuries, and many other disabilities. 

Hearing dogs alert their partners to sounds by nudging or pulling on their arm or leg when they hear sounds such as the call of a name, the doorbell or a fire alarm. Facility dogs are paired with a person who works at a rehab center, hospital, school, or similar setting. Dogs who are skilled companions work with a facilitator a minimum of 20 hours per week. When facilitators groom, feed and play ball with these animals, they benefit both mentally and physically. By being the link between the dog and its partner, this person promotes bonding between the two. 

Help for Veterans -- The Newest Assistance Dog Program

Canine Companions for Independence is now seeking veterans as volunteers to train dogs to aid members of the armed services who are suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. This program currently selects its volunteers from people who live within 90 miles of Santa Cruz, California. 

Other Populations Working as Volunteers

The organization's Prison Puppy Raising Program is active in 13 institutions in nine states, allowing inmates to raise a service dog. The prisons select the inmates, and donations instead of taxpayer funding support the training. CCI also operates their Collegiate Puppy Raising Program serving disabled students in over 18 of the nation's colleges and universities. 

People who love puppies and who can make a commitment of time and talent will find purpose and joy when they raise a service dog. Yes, it’s a sad day when you must part with your special companion, but think of the newfound ability your efforts will bring to that person less fortunate than you.

Natural Health Articles about Dogs and Cats

Source: https://www.natural-wonder-pets.com/raise-a-service-dog.html

[akashathekitty]

Rules: list the first lines of your last 20 stories. See if there are any patterns. Then tag your 10 favourite authors. I’ve been tagged by @flightglow32 and @ariel-riddle 20 stories is like... most of my stories. But okay, let's see... I'll try to do them from oldest to newest. (And if anyone has You Change My Mind backed up, could you send it to me? I just realised I don't have that one in my files.) 1. Hermione was walking fast, almost running. She was late and curfew had set in, but she had been unable to resist going to the library to look up a minor detail that had been nagging her, and then, as usual, she had lost trac of time. Muttering under her breath, she rushed along the corridors, doing her best to remember everything she read, word by word. “Pickled Murtlap will help resistance to curses, while—“ She walked headfirst into a body that seemed to be appearing out of nowhere. “Ow! Watch where you’re going, Malfoy!” she said crossly, while she unsuccessfully tried to walk around him to be on her way. - Silencio 2. Hermione struggled against her bonds. ”No, please!” she begged, making the dark robed figures laugh. Death Eaters, bringing her to her fate. The last weeks had been Hell. They had been ambushed, betrayed by someone who should have been trustworthy. They had all fought as best they could. Hermione had been captured, but she had no idea what had happened to her friends. She didn’t know who had lived and who had died. - Master 3. Hermione was hurrying along the street on her way to work, when she saw it. She stopped up and stared at it. No way, they didn't. But it appeared that they had. It was a poster and the two painted people in the poster were flirting unabashedly, the man winking at the woman who blushed and looked at him adoringly. Hermione groaned. "Do you like it?" A grinning form materialized next to her. Where did he come from? "I think you know the answer to that one, Malfoy," she replied. - Taste of your Kiss 4. The seventh years were having Charms. Most subjects saw a dwindling in the amount of students taking them in the sixth year, and even more so, as a few realized they had taken on too much and dropped it in seventh year. That wasn’t exactly the case here. Twenty-five students from all four houses had chosen to stick with this particular subject, which actually made the class larger than in previous years. It was the last class of the day and it was Friday, so most students were feeling restless. Most, but not all. - The Bracelet 5. Hermione took a deep breath and tried to calm herself down. No reason to be upset. So there were a few minor setbacks. She had known there would be when she had refused the preferential treatment offered her after the war as one of the heroes. She had known she would have to work her way up from a nobody to a somebody and she had predicted that it might mean working a lot of nights and having to prove herself to people who didn’t believe she was really the Brightest Witch of Their Age. She hadn’t quite predicted that it would mean answering to the Biggest Git of Their Age. - The Nymph Hunt 6. Hermione nervously smoothed down her skirt as she was standing in front of the inconspicuous entrance. It had seemed like a good skirt to wear earlier, but now it seemed too short. Or maybe it wasn't that it was short; maybe it was that it looked a lot tighter when she stood still and it clung to her legs. Or maybe both of those things didn't matter, considering that it was so ... thin. - One Wild Night 7. Hermione was a bit tipsy. This was definitely against the norm as she didn’t usually drink – it was against school rules after all – but tonight was different. Luna had invited them up to Ravenclaw’s common room for a very unusual thing – a party thrown by one of the houses for, well, not all of the houses, but at least for invitees from other houses. - In the Darkness All Cats are Grey 8. It is an infantile superstition of the human spirit that virginity would be thought a virtue and not the barrier that separates ignorance from knowledge. – Voltaire Hermione stared at the letter before her, her face feeling like it was made of stone. She had a feeling she should be upset, but she wasn't. Not really. Rather, she felt absolutely nothing. Her insides had gone numb. This couldn't be true. It couldn't be happening. It must be some big, awful joke. Sometimes Ron had a rather horrible sense of humour. Yes, that must be it. It had only been a few months since they broke up, after all. And she'd even seen him during the Christmas holidays, only a couple of weeks ago. - The Virgin Conundrum 9. Draco slowly let his gaze slide over the serious faces in front of him, trying to figure out if this was some sort of elaborate prank. 'You're kidding, right?' he finally asked when nobody volunteered any further information. 'You have no idea how much we wish we were.' Potter did that extremely annoying thing where he ran his hand through his hair, making it all stand on end. 'We're out of options here.' Draco leant back in his seat and let his gaze rest on Weasley. He looked put off, but then again, he always looked put off around Draco. Weasley didn't really seem to have much to add today, though, which was new. He usually loved to make inane digs whenever Draco was forced to check in at the Ministry. Right now, however, he was just determinedly staring at his own hands, placed on the large, simple wooden desk before him. - Till Death Do Us Part 10. 'Zabini, could you focus?' Malfoy snapped his fingers in front of Blaise's face in the most annoying way. Blaise flashed his teeth in a hostile snarl. He didn't like this colourless git—never had and never bloody would. - Pure Depravity (Blaise/Pansy) 11. As far as cousins went, Rose mused, Al was actually pretty ok. He had been one of her best friends before they went to Hogwarts, and even after they had started there, the familiar connection had been present. It was just that with them being sorted into different houses and all, they didn't actually see each other a lot. That didn't mean that when they did see each other, he should be allowed to be such a git, though. - Playing Games (Rose/Scorpius) 12. When Hermione accidentally knocked over her inkpot, she did something that was completely uncharacteristic of her. She swore. The words coming from her lips were neither very loud nor very inventive, but they were heartfelt. Every single syllable pronounced with such loving care that one could have been led to think that something far worse than a soggy piece of parchment and a stained desk was behind it. One might have been right. - Flickering Flames 13. Hermione smoothed her new formal robes down over her stomach and turned sideways, scrutinising her own mirror image. Damn it. She’d kept accumulating weight this past year from sitting—and eating—far too much and exercising far too little. Damn the Ministry’s canteen for having such delicious cake. Usually, she wasn’t really one for sweets, but that cake... She needed to start bringing her own lunch, otherwise she’d balloon into something she wouldn’t be able to change. - Cake and Other Curses 14. Hermione yawned as she made her way to her cubicle. Maybe it would be a slow day and she could take a nap. She missed naps. There should be more naps in the world. She never truly appreciated naps when she was younger, but these days she just couldn't pull an all-nighter like she used to. Harry appeared in the doorway to his office. The lucky bugger. She wanted to be Head of Office too so that she could have her own office. It would make for nice, uninterrupted naps. - The Complexity of Carnal Knowledge 15. It was eerie. Almost like déjà vu. It had been eleven years since she'd last done this. It seemed like a lifetime. It had been a lifetime. Everything had changed so much since then. There had been a war. She had grown up. - Secrets 16. At the initiative of Hermione Granger, there was to be a Christmas play at Hogwarts this year. It was hardly because she was passionate about performance art, but in the midst of all the recent horror of war, people seemed to have forgotten how to have fun and feel good. - True Colours 17. Looking out over the cold, barren winter landscape, not even a hint of snow could be seen. The heavy clouds that were coming in and threatening to overtake the pitiful sun once more were promising nothing but more of the dreary drizzle of the past few days. Hermione raised her face to the rays of the sun, trying to catch a little of its warmth before it was swallowed whole again. - Out of the Woods 18. The soft, subtle notes of a Christmas carol playing in the background, was being viciously punctuated by some of the foulest swear words Hermione had heard in a while. In the spirit of the season, she attempted to ignore it and instead immerse herself in the cosy feeling of sitting in her warm office doing what she loved best, with the darkness and the calm falling over the land. A particularly nasty outburst yanked her back to reality, and she had to resign herself to interacting with the fount of holiday cheer that was currently decorating her office under severe protest. - A Time of Beauty 19. It was odd, Hermione thought to herself, how everyone could act like this was such an ordinary day and such an ordinary thing to do, when it was anything but. She didn't consider herself the dramatic sort, but in a sense this was the end of life as she knew it. Yet all around her people were talking, laughing, frowning at their watches... acting like there was life beyond the next half hour. - unfinished, unpublished D/Hr WIP 20. Once upon a time in an age long past and a day yet to come, there existed the loveliest of kingdoms with rolling green hills, crystal clear lakes and cosy little villages. Near the edges of the kingdom were thick forests and looming mountains, and they provided just the perfect amount of drama to the backdrop of the impressive castle. - an original fairy tale Okay, I don't know who to tag here, but let's all do it, huh? @RZZMG @CountessOfAbe @LadyLeanaM @PierreJ92 @DesBratty and... I don't know, I'm awful at remembering who's who around here. Just doooo ittttt :D

[meepface]

these questions seem very therapeutic and i have been havin a week so im gonna do em, please ignore me

1. What can you do today that you were not capable of a year ago?

say no to people!! post selfies and not feel ashamed of myself for doing so!! stand up for myself without immediately crying!! 

2. What has been on your mind most lately?

well this week i’ve been in kind of a negative headspace so i have sorta thought about how much easier dying would be than dealing with any of my problems, but i have also thought about how much i don’t actually wanna kill myself also so i’ve been feelin sorta trapped between ‘mannnn if i would just fucking do it’ vs ‘but i don’t wanna my mom would be sad’, so that’s a real fun time!

3. Right now at this moment; What do you want right now?

i wanna feel myself again honestly. i’ve felt super weird n distant from who i used to be and who i wanna be and i feel like im just floatin. i feel super dissociative and i don’t feel genuine in how i behave anymore like idek myself. another super fun time!

4. In order of importance, How would you rank: Money, Happiness, Love, Health and Fame?

love (not strictly the romantic kind), happiness, health, money, fame

5. What would best describe the way you have spent your time in the last month?

feel like i’ve been wastin a lot of time bein super unhappy. buuuuut i spent a lot of time with people i love last month so that was good. kinda mixed, neutral feelings about it

6. What is the #1 motive in your life now?

to learn how to live for myself more

7. In one sentence, who are you?

i would say i am an extreeeeemely sensitive and compassionate person who’s always tryin to do the right thing and make a few people laugh when i can

8. What do you want to be known for?

being good and kind and gentle and positive

9. If you had to move 3000 miles away, what would you miss most?

my family, my dogs, my girlfriend, my friends, my grandma, this local restaurant that has amazing pancakes, my university bc i really like it there, the general atmosphere of downtown Austin, my therapist, my bedroom. in no particular order

10. In one year from today, how do you think your life will be different?

hopefully i’m taking care of myself well, am happy in my current situation and if i’m not i am actively working to do what i need to do to fix that, maybe i’ll have finally gotten another job and have moved out possibly. who knows. just hope im doin well

11. Who makes you feel good about yourself?

my friend Stein, my mom, my girlfriend, my therapist, a few of my internet friends

12. What are the top 3 qualities you look for in a friend?

someone who makes me laugh, someone who is a good listener, someone extremely supportive and non-judgmental

13. What has fear of failure stopped you from doing?

joining a club and being more social in college, getting another job, moving out, making videos, volunteering at this abuse center i’d really love to volunteer at

14. What is something you have always wanted since you were a kid?

a golden retriever

15. What stands between you and something you want?

fear of change

16. What do you do when nothing else seems to make you happy?

i find something to calm me down and distract me, like a game or something i can play so i stop thinking too much. also talking to someone helps but whenever i’m not in the mood to talk i try to do something to distract myself, or go to sleep if it’s a good time to

17. What do you need to spend more time doing?

being with friends and family, writing

18. When did you first realize that life was short?

i mean i had a few near-death experiences as a kid but none of em i was like “wow i could’ve died and that would’ve been the end” bc i didn’t really process them like that when i was that young. one of first times that i can remember feeling really deeply anxious about how short life really is is when i saw a bad car wreck just last year that had just happened and (TW ahead) i saw a person dead on the road with his head smashed. that was so scarring for me and now wrecks make me uncomfortable and i used to drive kinda recklessly as a dumb suicidal thing but now i would never ever drive the way i used to. another time i can think of is when a girl in my grade who i had actually been close friends with all throughout middle school up until freshman year died in a car wreck and our whole school was devastated

19. What issues do you continually refuse to confront?

honestly i want to confront and fix or work on all of my issues lmao so

20. What is something a lot of people do that you disagree with?

there’s a lot of homophobic and transphobic people in the small Texas town that i work in and a lot of em say super offensive things really casually and i hate it so much. also a lot of people enjoy jolly ranchers which i will never understand

21. What is a common misconception people have about you?

i’m shy, i’m straight, i’m lazy, i don’t work hard

22. What is something no one can take away from you?

no one could pull me away from my mom tbh that bitch knows everything and no one can tell me not to tell her what they tell me bc she’s gonna know in the next hour

23. What is something you would hate to go without for a day?

ummm chicken probably. it’s all i eat

24. When you look into the past what do you miss the most?

how cheerful and happy i was in 2015 and some of 2016!!!!!! the fuck happened!!!!

25. What memory from the past year makes you smile the most?

hmmm probably the times my gf and i spent hours making out n stuff in parking lots bc we finally got over our fear of havin our first kiss w each other and went all out

26. What is the number one change you need to make in your life within the next twelve months?

hmmm don’t wanna share it but i know in my head the answer to this

27. If not now, then when?

when i’m ready and when i know for sure that it’s what i want. because right now i don’t know what i want with my life but i just know that right now i am not happy. baby steps

28. What have you done that you are truly proud of?

i gained soooooo much confidence after graduating high school. came out to everyone, told my mom i wanted to finally try to go to therapy which has been a blessing for me

29. What is something new you have recently learned about yourself?

i’ve learned where my dependency issue that i used to have super bad stemmed from. i’m kinda growin from that though. i still have residual anxieties that were caused by it but nothin i can’t work through

30. What do you want to remember forever?

hmm. probably that one quote that’s like “anything that costs your peace is too expensive”. either that orrrrr that one scene in the office where Jim gets drunk and crashes his bike into the bushes

31. What could society do without?

religion (yikes yikes yikes) (don’t hate me, just hear me out) - this doesn’t mean the spirituality of it but like..... the whole rules and order part of it. the ancient outdated books and everything being taken so literally in today’s world. everyone could have their own takes and believe in their own things and they can just be without feeling like they either have to go to church or celebrate a religious holiday or be a certain way bc ‘god’, whoever they may be, wants them to. idk i like to believe there’s a higher power that just represents love, in its purest form, and that’s it. that’s all you gotta know about them. there’s no rules to that, you just do with that what you will, learn from that what you can. does this make sense at all 

32. What is the one thing right now, that you are totally sure of?

right now i am totally sure that i shouldn’t have started doing this survey bc i am exhausted and i have work in the morning but i’m definitely gonna finish it

33. If you had the opportunity to get a message across to a large group of people, what would you say?

be kinder and gentler, thank you

34. What is something that you said you would never do, but have since done?

this is uhhh super emo but i didn’t think i’d live this long and here the fuck i am

35. What is something you changed your mind about when you grew older?

my feelings about The Gays, since i grew up to be one and when i was little i was terrrrified of that idea. i didn’t care if other people were but when it came to me i was like noooo way jose. also? the concept of marriage? i’ve become super apathetic towards it. i don’t care if i end up married or not anymore, i will commit to someone for life regardless and i don’t need a ceremony and anything official to prove that. buuuuut that being said, if my future partner wants to be married, i’m 200% there and i’m already starting to think about our wedding color scheme. man. idk if i’d rather wear a suit or a dress at my wedding

36. What didn't last forever, but was still worth your while?

hmmm maybe my current therapy stuff?? i know one day i’m gonna stop going to therapy but man have i learned a lot and man have i grown. i truly think everyone needs to go to therapy at least once in their life, you learn things that are valuable in every aspect of life

37. If you could go back and time and tell the younger version of yourself something, what would you tell?

you’re not stupid, you’re allowed to make mistakes, maaaybe ask for the braces that aren’t clear bc those just made your teeth look massive and you hated yourself while they were on and you can’t look at pictures with them even years later. aaaand they made you super insecure about your mouth and smile even years down the line so, please dodge that bullet if ya can. also you’re super gay!

38. If you knew you were dying in the next 60 seconds, what would your last words be?

finally

39. When it is all said and done, would you have said more then you've done or vice versa?

hmm i’ve probably said a lot more than i’ve done, which i wanna change. if i’m understanding this question right

40. What question do you often ask yourself?

what do you want? what do you need? which of the two is more important?

[collecting-stories]

Time | Finn Shelby

Request: Can you write a fin Shelby imagine where he kisses her while we reign his hat and accidentally cuts her forehead, so she rips out the razor and puts it around a necklace? Then she leaves Birmingham and he finds her again because he recognised it around her neck, I love your writing

Request: Can you do one when the reader comes to town once or twice a year with the fair and her and Finn are dating but only while she is in town?

Time | Finn Shelby

The Birmingham fair was back in full swing. It seemed that overnight the streets had become home to booths for everything from puppet shows to menageries. Finn had been looking forward to the fair since he saw the posters hung around Small Heath. The fair stretched all the way through Bordesley and Camp Hill and Small Heath and all the surrounding areas. Every year since he was a little boy Finn had gone to the fair. At first with Ada and then, as he stopped requiring a chaperone, with Isaiah or other friends.  

Your father, who had been on many expedition, took part in the fair and travelled down to Birmingham from Manchester with his share of curiosities. He was a professor of history at the university in Manchester City and he collected artefacts from all over the world. Every year you travelled with him down to Birmingham, excited for the fair and for the opportunity to see Finn Shelby.  

The first time you met Finn you were both young. Just barely 15 years old. You saw him when you wandered away from your father’s booth. He was giving a lecture on Egypt that you'd heard dozens of times. You walked three booths over to a booth with necklaces for sale. You were looking at the different pearls and chains when you met Finn. 

Finn stepped up beside you, “Hello.”  

“Hello.” You had been wandering around by yourself and were relieved to have company. “Are you from around here?”

“I’m from Small Heath. You not from Birmingham?” He asked.  

“No, Manchester.” You replied, “maybe you could show me around.”  

“Of course!” Finn took you all over Small Heath, explaining each part of the district to you.  

The part of Manchester that you lived in was upper middle class and this was certainly nothing like that. You held Finn's arm the whole time, listening intently to his tales of the Peaky Blinders, a local gang organisation run by his family. He took you round to the Garrison and snuck you some beer.  

As the day came to a close you realised your father would be looking for you soon. You told Finn you had to get back to the booth your father rented before he noticed you were gone. When you there he was giving a lecture and you pulled Finn away so your father couldn't see him.  

“Thank you for today. I had fun.” You told him.  

“I had fun too.” Finn blushed. He leaned forward and pressed his lips against yours.  

You jumped back in surprise, but not from the kiss. You reached up to your forehead and touched the cut that had just appeared. “What?” You looked at the blood on your fingers.  

“I’m sorry, it's the razors, see?” Finn took his cap off to show you the razorblades stitched into the brim. “Are you alright?”  

“It's okay.” You took the cap from Finn and examined the razor blades. “Can I have one? I’ll be like an honorary Blinder in Manchester.”  

“Yeah alright.” Finn laughed. He pulled a loose one off and handed it to you. In return you gave him one more kiss and then ran off, promising to find him tomorrow.  

When you got to the rooms you were staying at that night you dulled the end of the razor so it wouldn't cut you and fashioned it into a necklace. The razor blade hung around your neck all the time. Even when you returned to Manchester you never removed the necklace you had made for yourself. In Manchester no one knew what it meant but when you returned to Birmingham for the fair year after year it was a clear tell to the people in Small Heath. You were with Finn Shelby. He only saw you during the fair and when you were back in Manchester neither you or he wrote to the other.  

The Birmingham Fair was like another reality. For that short week you were Finn’s and he was yours. He’d show up outside your father’s booth, pretending to be interested in the artefacts on the table while he waited for you to be ready for him. You'd wave to him from behind your father and he would thank your dad for his time before leaving.  

“Your da has told me the same fucking story two years in a row.” Finn mentioned, walking through the streets of Birmingham with you.  

You held onto his hand the entire time. Occasionally he would stop at a booth and you would stand beside him, more interested in watching him then anything a booth had to offer. He would take you down by the dock sit down behind one of the sheds with you beside him, hiding until you had to go back to your father. The fair lasted for a week and every single day you did the same thing but it never got boring. You knew as soon as the fair was over you would he forced to return to Manchester.  

“Dad wants me to start at a university in soon, this’ll be my last year at the fair.” You admitted three years after you and Finn started your week-out-of-the-year relationship. You wanted to go to university but you also wanted to stay here in Small Heath with Finn.

“Do you have to?” Finn knew it was a stupid question. Of course you had to. He knew how much you wanted to be a nurse, you talked about it all the time.  

“I wish I could stay here with you.” You truly meant it. As you were right now, laying in Finn’s room with your head on his chest.   Last year you'd convinced Finn, who didn't take much convincing, to have sex with you. Now, you seemed to have sex every time you saw him. Finn and you would spend hours just in his room with the door locked.  

He reached up and touched the scar on your forehead from the first time he kissed you. He wanted you to stay. He knew you wouldn't, that you felt like you couldn't, but he desperately wanted you to stay with him in Small Heath. His hand moved down to where yours rested on his stomach, he pulled your hand up and kissed your knuckles.  

Every time you were in Small Heath you seemed to return home with a different injury. Today you'd been watch Finn and Isaiah boxing. When Finn wasn't paying attention Isaiah offered to show you how to do a fake-out.  

“Alright, but this won't hurt will it?” You asked, eyeing Isaiah suspiciously. The two of you got along well but Isaiah still liked to tease you every once in a while.  

“No, not a bit.” He said, “alright, so punch me.”  

You swung your arm toward him and Isaiah moved at the last minute causing you to hit one of the poles that held up the fencing they used for the ring. It split the skin on your knuckles and bruised the surrounding area. Finn wasn't happy at all when he heard you start crying.  

“Isaiah for gods sake!”  

“It's alright, swear! It's not even deep.” You're crying, which isn't too convincing.  

Finn took you home after that to have Polly dress the wound. She wasn’t thrilled that her youngest nephew was galivanting around with a girl from a rich family in Manchester. She didn’t look forward to the day you left and never came back. Finn held your good hand the whole time she mended the wounds.  

On your last day in Birmingham you told your father you wanted to stay with a friend you'd met at the fair. You lied about the name so he wouldn’t be suspicious and left early that morning to spend the rest of the day with Finn. You went down to the Garrison for drinks with Finn and Isaiah, then back to Finn's house for the rest of the afternoon.  

"I told my dad I'm staying out tonight, so I can sleep here." You told Finn. "But I'll have to leave early in the morning." 

"That's fine. At least we'll get the night." 

In the morning you kissed Finn goodbye and promised him that you would write to him. For the first year that promise held up. You wrote but never got any reply. After months of writing every day you stopped. If there was no reply what good was the letter. You imagined that Finn had found someone else.  

You went through school to become a nurse and you stayed in Manchester to work. The last time you saw Finn Shelby was 1927, when you were both 18. Years went on that you stopped thinking about him. The razorblade still hung around your neck, more from habit then anything else. You told yourself you had moved on but you remained uninterested in dating anyone else. You worked and you went home. You kept to yourself mostly. Life followed this routine until 1939 when Britain declared war on Germany. You volunteered to work at a hospital for soldiers in London.  

It was in 1940, two years into your job at the hospital that you were called up to assist a doctor in a surgery for a man who’d take a bullet in his abdomen. He was injured otherwise as well but it was the bullet that he was in this hospital for.  

“We’ve localised the anaesthetise,” the doctor informed you.  

You stood back handing instruments to the doctor through most of it. When the bullet was almost out the man let out a horrible yell, the pain had returned. You reached for his hand and squeezed it. He looked at the hand that had grabbed his and noticed an odd scar running between the second and third knuckle. He followed the hand up to look at your face.  

“The last of it’s out!” The doctor announced, holding up part of the shrapnel.  

You let go of the man's hand and went about helping the doctor to bandage the gaping wound his side. As you worked your necklace, which you wore even to the hospital, glinted in the light. The man laying in bed was staring at you almost confused until he saw the necklace. When the doctor stepped away he finally called your name. You looked up from securing his bandages to really look at him.  

He was certainly older now but you recognised him in a heart beat. “Finn?”  

“You still have that necklace?” He smiled.  

You sat down on the side of the bed, careful of his wound. You felt 14 again, looking across the booth to see a young boy in a peaked cap laughing with his friends and being so excited when he spoke to you.  

“I thought I’d never see you again.” You couldn't help but laugh at the circumstances. “Are you still living in Small Heath?”  

“I could never leave, that place is home.” He answered, “course I left to serve but, my brothers did their part in the first war. This was my turn.”  

“My father was not happy when I told him I was going to be working at the hospital.” You replied, thinking of the argument that had ensued.  

“Your father was never happy about anything.” Finn laughed, “god it's so good to see you, it feels like I'm dreaming.”  

"How's Small Heath then Finn? Did you get married and all?” You didn't want to ask but you had to know.  

"No, none of that.” Finn shook his head.  

“I just though…you never wrote back, I thought maybe you'd met someone else.” You replied.  

Finn laughed, “no I…I couldn’t read. I still got the letters and I sort of know what they say now but still, not entirely.”  

It was an admittance that surprised you. When you were young you had always suspected that you had more schooling than him but it never occurred to you that he might not be able to read. It seemed foolish now that you had been so upset about his not answering your letters.  

You reached up and stroked his cheek. You felt the same as Finn did, as though this was some sort of dream. They still had the fair every year in Birmingham but it'd grown smaller with the war. You never went back down, too afraid that if he had moved on with someone else and you saw him it would be unbearable. He had been the first person you ever loved even if it was only for a week every year.  

“Don't cry,” Finn said, “Of all the odds we’re both in the same place again yeah? What's it been 13 years? That doesn't happen to a lot of people. Must mean something.”  

You laid your head on his chest careful not to hurt him and wrapped your arms around him. He touched the scar on your forehead, tracing the thin line from years ago. He’d told you then that he liked you and when you said that you lived too far away he’d mustered all the optimism in him to tell you that anything was possible. For years after he hardly believed the phrase, especially when you left for school and never came back. But here you were now, years later and together once again, by some trick of fate. He knew this time he wouldn't let you go.

Hope you enjoy it!!!

[seriouslyhooked]

When Love Reigns (A CS AU) Part 20/?

A Princess Diaries/What A Girl Wants inspired, CS fic where Emma is a senior in college who discovers her father is not just a random stranger her mom never really knew, but the King of a country called Genovia. Yet when it rains, it pours and as Emma comes to terms with what it means to be a princess, she also must face what it means to fall in love with her father’s trusted aid, Killian Jones. This story is filled with fluff and rated M.

Ch. 1 Here, Ch. 2 Here, Ch. 3 Here, Ch. 4 Here, Ch. 5 Here, Ch. 6 Here, Ch. 7 Here , Ch. 8 Here, Ch. 9 Here, Ch. 10 Here, Ch. 11 Here, Ch. 12 Here, Ch. 13 Here, Ch. 14 Here, Ch. 15 Here, Ch. 16 Here, Ch. 17 Here, Ch. 18 Here, Ch. 19 Here : Also on FanFiction here.

A/N: So as promised, this chapter is going to bring an answer for our heroes on that they can do next. Along the way though I am bringing a sweet moment between Emma and David, help from an unexpected source, and as always CS fluff. Hope you guys enjoy!

Dear Diary,

If the last few weeks have taught me anything it’s that the people you love and the people who love you can get you through anything.

…………

“And now the question on everyone’s mind is what will Princess Emma do?”

Over the past two weeks Emma had faced countless variations of this question. The speculation in the news about her right to the crown was constant and try as she might Emma couldn’t avoid all of it. Unless she wanted to remain trapped in a bubble and hide away from the world she had to keep pushing through and to try and stay cool while she did, not just for her own reputation but her family’s as well. 

That was easier said then done, especially on mornings like this one when she’d merely attempted to visit the city for some time away from the castle and was confronted by reporters and news crews just outside the palace gates all screaming out for a comment.

“Princess, how are you holding up?”

“Princess, is the King planning a counterattack against his opponents in Parliament?”

“Princess, are you about to flip us the bird and tell us to leave you the hell alone?”

Okay so maybe the last one never happened, but Emma had to find the humor in all of this craziness even if she knew at the end of the day that it wasn’t really their fault. The people of Genovia were rightly curious about everything going on. As soon as word had gotten out about the obstacle in Emma’s way to inheriting (thanks to one insanely annoying and petty Viscount who lived for the attention) they let their concern be known. Many people were on her side, arguing against the sexism and the outdated law, but there were some (too many in Emma’s opinion) who gave the law leeway, citing tradition and the customs of Genovia as being the most important thing.

Emma only wished that there could have been a way around airing it out like this, at least until they had a definitive answer one way or another on whether she could someday be queen. She hated to think that the country was divided because of her. This was a beautiful place, a nation built on love of each other and respect amongst neighbors. The last thing Emma wanted was to undo that in any way, even if all of this was out of her control. But unfortunately, at the end of the day, Emma didn’t have the luxury of fixing this. This was a political battle she didn’t understand and she was nothing but a pawn in the game of a delusional old man trying to improve his status.

“The Princess Emma is a lovely girl. Smart, charismatic, a beauty to be sure, but she does not know this country. She does not know our customs and our ways, our people and our legacy. What the people of Genovia need is a leader who is one of us, or at the very least who chooses one of us to build their life with. We deserve a sign of good faith that the Princess’ love of country runs as deep as the monarch we deserve.”

The sound bite infuriated Emma in every way and part of her regretted that she’d heard it at all, yet she had to know what she was up against even if it was the ravings of a maniacal villain with an air of self-importance that made her want to scream. Emma knew the truth of who she was and how much she’d grown to care for Genovia but still the claims held this power over her, an ability to make her angry in a way she wasn’t used to and because she was a princess she couldn’t cave to her want to throw her hands up in the air and yell. So instead she was out riding, letting herself and her horse get the workout they both needed.

The pace Emma set was frantic, built to test the endurance of both horse and rider but it was exactly what Emma wanted. With this level speed there was no time for critics, no space for the hostile words of her opponents. It was the best way to clear her mind and rid herself of all the tension. By the time she was back at the stables an hour later, her mind had cleared and she no longer felt beholden to anyone else’s opinions on who she was or what she could do.

“Thank you girl. I don’t know what I would have done without you.” Emma affectionately petted her horse’s side and laughed when she nuzzled into her slightly. It felt good to laugh, and it was much needed after two weeks of almost everyone tip toeing around her on eggshells and talking around the problem at hand.

“It sure is good to see that smile again.”

Emma turned from the stall to find her father sending a smile of his own her way. She was surprised to see him though, mostly because he and Killian had been working almost non-stop to try and find a way around the antiquated law.

“I haven’t been that bad.” Her father shook his head, smiling thoughtfully.

“No. You’ve been the picture of strength, Emma. In a terrible situation you’ve done nothing but make me proud.”

“Did Mom tell you about the orphanage?”

Her father nodded and Emma tried to hold back her wince. If he heard that they went to the orphanage then he probably also heard about the innumerable hoops they had to jump through to evade the press.

“She was very sorry I missed my chance to come. Something about us having the most miraculous young woman as a daughter.” Emma rolled her eyes even though she appreciated his not bringing up the bad parts of her trip and her father laughed. “What? You don’t believe me? That’s what she said.”

“Oh I believe that’s what she said. I just think it’s a little much.”

“If you were us you wouldn’t think so.” Emma smiled again, giving way to her father’s unwavering confidence in her.

“So let me guess. Mabrey dropped the whole thing and you’re home early to give me the good news?” Her father paled at her joke and Emma immediately wished she could take it back. She didn’t want to put him through any unnecessary pain.

“No, Emma, I’m -,” She had to cut her father off before he continued on.

“You’re sorry, I know. But you don’t have to be Dad. This isn’t your fault, and honestly the whole world doesn’t hinge on this. I’ll be fine whatever happens.”

“I hate to break it to you, honey, but to me the whole world does hinge on whether you and your mother are happy to me.”

“I’m a big girl, Dad. I can handle this.”

Her father surprised her by bringing her in for a hug that Emma gladly accepted. He could see through her denials to the fact that everything wasn’t actually fine. This still hurt and Emma was hoping for a better resolution then things ending this way even if she knew she’d be strong enough to face the worst-case situation.

“There is no doubt in my mind that you can, Emma. But I thought it might be worth it to give you this.”

Emma watched her father pull back and grab a parcel he must have brought when she wasn’t paying attention. He handed it to her and on the cover she could see that it was the book she’d been given months ago back at the Little Readers League gala. There on the front cover was a title ‘Why We Love Emma’ and a picture of almost all of the kids and Emma together with Belle and the other volunteers from a day last winter.

Her fingers traced the flowing script along the cover and it was impossible not to smile. Emma had looked at this book a thousand times, taking comfort just from the fact that it existed, but she’d never read through it fully. For her father to realize that now was the perfect time to change that only proved how close they were despite the many years they’d never known each other.

“I thought it would be a good reminder of who you are and what kind of power you have, crown or not.” Emma tried to smile but she felt too overwhelmed to be sure if she did.

“I don’t know what to say.” King David smiled.

“Then don’t say anything. Reading is more fun anyway.”

Emma laughed lightly at the wise words and felt her father press a kiss to her forehead before turning back around and heading out of the stables. Emma debated staying here in the comfort of this place to read these stories, but there were too many people around for her to find the privacy she wanted. Instead Emma headed out in the opposite direction of her father to the gardens. She found a seat on one of the beautiful benches, surrounded by flowers on all sides and she dug in, hoping to find more answers inside this book.

As expected, the stories were ranging in their complexity and thoughtfulness. Since she’d worked with kids of all ages, there was a diversity in ability and skill. The little kids drew abstract pictures or at best stick figures, but they all made Emma smile, as did their signatures with backwards letters or rickety looking lines. Even the youngest among them though had moving stories, one of which was written in Belle’s handwriting but came from a little boy named Elijah.

‘My favorite teacher is Miss Emma. My Mom says she isn’t my teacher, but I know she’s wrong. She helps me read and that’s important. Sometimes I don’t like to be in my house. It gets noisy and too loud but Miss Emma always makes it quiet. My favorite place to go is the library. It’s like magic. Miss Emma says we all have magic when we have a book but I think Miss Emma has more than most people.’

Emma felt tears form at the beautiful sentiment and she smiled at the rudimentary drawing of her and Elijah. It looked like he’d tried to draw actual magic around them too, and she loved it, just as she loved all the stories from kids saying reading had become a safe place for them and one where anything was possible. There were no limits, no restrictions, and that was a freeing and amazing thing that she’d managed to impart on kids just like she’d hoped to when she started volunteering years ago.

Suddenly it dawned on Emma that there was still so much she could do in her own life. She was hardly helpless in her story despite the circumstances, and though the clock was ticking on finding an answer to being queen, Emma realized that all of this worrying was robbing her of her present and a more immediate future. Being queen was something she wanted, yes, but not for a long time. She had so much left in her life she wanted to do and see before taking on that kind of responsibility and that was years worth of living and adventure before all of this inheritance stuff would even come into play.

That thought sent Emma into motion, moving through the gardens and into the palace. She needed paper and a pen and she wanted to chart a course for everything she could do if all of this never panned out. Some might call it a plan-B but Emma wouldn’t. That would give the impression that somehow she was settling, but all of what she wanted could be had even if she never sat on the Genovian throne, and once she wrote it out Emma decided she’d let it be, living in the here and now instead of stressing about things coming years and years down the line.

“Emma, honey, is that you?” Emma turned when her mother called out to her and she saw the curious look on her mothers face. “What’s happened? You look like you got some good news.”

“In a way I kind of made my own. I was thinking and what is it exactly that Dad does as a king?” Mary Margaret considered before replying.

“He keeps an eye out on parliament to make sure that they’re governing in a way that protects the rights and liberties of the Genovian people. He works with other nations as a representative for Genovia, and he helps people whenever he possibly can.”

“Right exactly, and I can do almost all of that without being an actual queen. Pressure on Parliament comes from all sorts of places, not just Dad but those citizen action groups, journalists, and the people as a whole. I’ll still be in the same circles of people who have power even if I’m just a princess, and just like Dad and his Dad before him I can choose a cause that matters to me. I can have a legacy that matters even if I never wear that crown, but it doesn’t have to start now. I don’t have to rush anywhere, not when things are good the way they are.”

Her mother’s sniffling cut into Emma’s happy musings and she noticed that her mother had started crying. It probably wasn’t very nice of Emma to laugh, but she couldn’t help it. Mary Margaret was always a happy crier, but Emma assumed that this pregnancy was only going to make that trait more apparent. So instead of fighting it, Emma moved to give her mom a hug, hoping it would help ease those tears away.

“I am so proud of you Emma. You have never been normal.”

“Thanks Mom.” Emma rolled her eyes even as she smiled.

“I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant you have always seen the world differently and you always follow your instinct to do good when so many other people wouldn’t think to. It’s a remarkable thing, Emma, not something people see every day, and you’re right, you’ll either be a wonderful queen or a princess who changes the world like no one has before. But you’ve got a whole lot of life to live in the meantime. Saving the world can wait. For now just enjoy being young. Break the rules, travel around, but do me a favor and try not to join a biker gang or something. I don’t think your father could handle it.”

“And you could?” Emma asked with a laugh. Her mother shrugged.

“If anyone could convince me of their merits it would be you.” Emma smiled.

“Well you know I could use some help on brainstorming. New dreams are kind of complex, lot’s of planning -,” Her mother took Emma’s hand and held on tight.

“Say no more. There’s nothing I would rather do today than dream with you, honey.”

And with that they headed upstairs to brainstorm what kind of paths Emma might choose to find her own sense of happy fulfillment, knowing that whenever and however she got there Emma would be just as happy with the journey as she was with the destination.

………….

Killian could name a million places he would rather be than the Parliamentary Archives. The place was old, musty, and lacked the same brightness of any library Killian had ever seen before but it mattered not. Even if he was in this dungeon-like basement collection, surrounded only by fearful lawyers and the caretaker (who happened to be as old as time itself), Killian was determined to stay and find something – anything – that might help Emma.

Adding to the general despair that clung to this place was the fact that after all this time Killian was still empty handed. With every passing day he felt like the answer was getting further and further away, and he swore if he read even one more legalese-filled binder he’d lose his mind, but that didn’t matter. He would stay here at his post until the final moment if that was what it took.

The only time he wasn’t here looking was when he was back at the palace with Emma. It was a delicate balance, feeling like he was giving all he could to finding a loophole and yet helping keep Emma’s worries at bay. He wanted to be there for her however he could, but then there was the problem of trust. He and David both couldn’t trust that the lawyers were competent enough to handle this.

In all honesty, Killian had little faith in anyone outside of this immediate circle and he was starting to lose faith in himself too. The only person he did believe in fully was Emma. He closed his eyes for a moment, his fingers seeking to ease the tension by his temples as he thought back to being with her the night before.

“Whatever happens, Killian, it’s never going to change that I love you. You know that right?” Her fingertips traced over his heart, gliding across his bare chest leaving trails of contentment in their wake. It was impossible for Killian not to think of how she owned him body and soul, how every part of him was in love with her and always would be. His heart was hers and he could think of no one more worthy than his Emma to entrust with it.

“Aye, love. I know.” She smiled despite the tension of the situation. Even now she found the strength to smile but it broke his heart a little bit to see her learning to live with less than what she’d originally dreamed of.

“But you’ll never stop fighting. Not until the last possible moment.”

“Never, Emma. Not when it’s about your happiness.” She moved up to him, her lips brushing against his and -

“Sir?”

Killian’s head popped up, shaking away the memory as he was confronted with the lawyer in charge. His name was Pilner or something of the like but Killian referred to him internally by a host of less dignified nicknames. It was hard not to find the man to be inherently lacking when the Viscount managed to undermine everything on his watch.

“Yes?”

“The book you requested.” Killian didn’t thank him despite the fact that common decency would demand such politeness. He merely grunted and dismissed the man by opening the aged binding. Pilner realized he was no longer needed and scurried away as Killian set down to work again.

At the beginning of this search for a loophole Killian was in many ways aimless. He didn’t have a thorough understanding of Genovian laws but he’d since learned that each monarch set a different legal tone. King David’s great-great grandfather was a total pushover, allowing parliament to set the agenda fully and make ridiculous subsequent requests in the footnotes of agreements, but not everyone lacked common sense.

Killian found that more than anyone it was the former King who had made the most strides in things that could help. David’s father had been a real servant of the people, hoping to equalize in a time when he didn’t need to but some of the laws during his time went missing after years of shoddy record keeping. It was taking longer than usual to locate some amendments from his years in power but Killian had this feeling like it was the right place to search.

He’d been waiting on this book in particular a few days now, and all it took was thirty minutes with it to find that his original hunch was correct. At first Killian doubted the words that he read. The past few weeks had taught him that getting his hopes up in these four walls was often a waste of time. Killian found himself rereading the page half a dozen times before he convinced himself it wasn’t a figment of his imagination. Then he sprung up, tracking towards the table of lawyers and startling them all by slamming the book on the page.

“Tell me what this means.” Pilner swallowed harshly and then read over it. Killian could see the shift from discomfort to actual interest in Pilner’s face as he broke down what it all meant.

“This says that any royal family member can submit before the people a referendum in the interest of the common people to secure their shot to self-determine the trajectory of the country.”

“And they can do this by bypassing parliament?”

“Well that’s where it gets tricky. The King was clearly knowledgeable of the old laws and this says that each family of old must still be consulted.”

“But does it stipulate who? The head? The parliamentary representative?”

“The language is vague. It’s open to interpretation and it could be battled in court -,”

“But is it viable? Could it work? Would it hold up on appeal?”

“Yes. Legally it supersedes any older laws. But three days to bring together a national vote? This says any referendum needs more than half of all Genovian citizens to be in favor. Not half of the people who show up, half of all legal -,” Killian wasn’t interested in listening to rest of Pilner’s yammering. He closed the book and jumped up from the desk heading out with it in hand.

“Hey! Those are to stay in the archives!” The caretaker called out, sounding affronted after doing nothing but sit on his ass for two weeks while the rest of them struggled.

“If you’ve got a problem, Horace, take it up with King David.” Killian heard some mumbling from the man but he ignored it as he made his way upstairs and outside.

It didn’t take too long to get back to the palace, but every second that past felt like a wasted moment when they could be putting this plan in place and granting themselves a real chance to help Emma. By the time he found King David and Queen Ruth in one of the palace sitting rooms, he was out of breath but eager to tell them his news.

“Killian? Are you all right, my dear?” Ruth’s words were worried as David immediately stood.

“Did you find something?” Killian nodded.

“You or Emma can file a referendum for a special vote. Technically Parliament can be bypassed if she wins a majority of the electorate. She’d only have three days from the time we file to the vote itself but-,”

“But it’s something! Fantastic, Killian, I knew you would find a way.” David slapped a shoulder on Killian’s shoulder before taking the book and seeing the labeled spine. “This was one of my father’s laws?”

Killian nodded and he noticed the thoughtful smile that came to both David and Ruth’s faces when he did.

“All these years later and he’s still watching out for us.”

Killian could hear the pride and the bit of heartache that came from mentioning her late husband. Queen Ruth didn’t speak of him in public very often, but Killian knew they had a real love between them and that she’d never considered remarrying all these years later. Killian could understand love like that. He personally knew what it meant to meet his soul mate and know beyond the shadow of a doubt that nothing would ever compare.

“There’s only one thing. To get the referendum cleared for the public Emma needs a representative from each old house. We can circumvent Mabrey, but the only other eligible person from his house is his nephew.”

“On a scale from one to his uncle, how vindictive is this boy?” Ruth asked Killian and he shrugged.

“Hard to say. He has his moments.” Killian heard a chuckle from the doorway and saw Liam there shaking his head.

“Killian has a problem with Nicholas more for the his attempt to dance with Emma at the ball than anything else. He might not be my favorite person, but there’s a decent man underneath that bluster. He’s been under his uncle’s thumb a long time but you could sway him with reason.”

“Like telling him about the baby?” David asked and Liam nodded.

“If there’s no room for him to marry royalty Nicholas wont pursue this, unlike his uncle who would see it through to the end merely from misplaced pride at this point. He’s been parading around everywhere to pressure Emma into this. He can’t turn back now.”

“So what are we waiting around here for? Let’s go and get this done.”

“And the new Queen?” Killian asked, but David shook his head.

“Mary Margaret needs her rest. She hasn’t been sleeping well since all of this happened and she’s finally trying to do so after her afternoon with Emma. Let’s bring them both home some good news.”

Killian respected the idea. In his mind this wasn’t keeping something from Emma, but seeing the truth of the matter through before imparting this much needed ray of hope. They all left directly then and on the way David and Ruth outlined how every other house would yield easily. It was Mabrey and Mabrey alone who was out there on the ledge and as soon as they had Nicholas’ authority every other necessary signer would fall into place. It all just hinged on him, much as Killian loathed to admit that.

“You’re not going to do anything crazy like hit him if he doesn’t comply are you?” David asked as they all stepped out of the car, having arrived at the estate.

Killian shook his head as Queen Ruth let out a laugh. Both Killian and David turned to see what had caused it but she waved them away with some mutterings about the ball and before Killian could clarify Nicholas was outside to greet them all. He paid all due deference to David and to Queen Ruth and spared a nod to Killian before declaring he was surprised to see them here.

“Are you? Even with the current state of things?” Nicholas had the good sense to look uncomfortable at King David’s words as they walked into a sitting room.

“If this is about my uncle I can send for him immediately. He’s away for the afternoon but -,”

“That won’t be necessary,” Killian countered and Nicholas almost flinched at the tone but he held his ground. When King David resumed speaking he was far kinder even if his words were firm.

“I won’t waste your time with niceties, Nicholas. We’re here because my daughter should be the next Queen of Genovia, and not through marrying an aristocrat, but based on her own merit and her claim by blood as my rightful heir. You and I both know that your uncle is playing a dangerous game and -,”

“Forgive me, Your Highness, but there is no reason to say anymore. If you’re asking me to assist the princess then I will. However possible.”

It took a substantial amount of effort for Killian to avoid the instinctive jaw drop that came at the proclamation. Could it really be that easy? There was no way it could be and yet the man seemed sincere. There was no clear deception in his manner or tone. Killian discretely caught King David’s eye across the room and the King seemed just as taken aback.

“You will?” Queen Ruth asked skeptically.

“Yes.” King David smiled.

“Well that’s great news, Nicholas. Thank you, we appreciate your willingness to help.”

“Why?” All eyes in the room turned to Killian but his stayed with Nicholas. “Why now? Why go against Mabrey this late in the game?”

“I was in the city today when I noticed someone who looked an awful lot like the princess coming out of the orphanage. I was intrigued and I went inside. No one there would tell me about it except for a small girl who insisted Princess Emma is there every week. She then told me, and this was a direct quote, that my uncle and every other person who didn’t love Princess Emma was ‘a dusty old fart who doesn’t care about this country at all.’ She was right, at least in part. This idea of my uncle’s is a selfish one meant only to help him and in his estimation, to help me as well.”

Killian finally began to believe that Nicholas could be telling the truth. It was easy to imagine that seeing the face of kindness made real in Emma would change a man’s heart. She had a magical ability to do that and the wonder of it all was that she didn’t have to compromise herself to make that change in people. It was a genuine, natural byproduct of the person she was in her heart.

“My daughter has wanted to keep those visits private.”

“Clearly or they’d be all over the news and there would be even more people on her side then currently stand there. It’s for that reason I know she’ll be a good Queen. Nothing would silence the opposition faster than a princess helping orphans but a secret it’s remained. She doesn’t play the politics, she just wants to do right by people who need it.”

“Will you keep the secret then?” Nicholas nodded at Killian’s question and Killian felt himself breathe easy.

“I think my family has inflicted enough pain on Princess Emma. I have no intention of continuing that. So as I said before, if I can help in any way I will.”

King David took this as his queue to outline to Nicholas what was needed and the royal notary needed for Nicholas to endorse the referendum was called. He signed away, enabling Emma her chance and in a mere matter of minutes they departed to gather the rest of the signatures needed.

They all agreed when the last name was procured that from this point they would have to move quickly. The last thing they wanted was Mabrey to find a way to stall and tonight they’d all tell Emma and give her this chance that she deserved to choose her own path. And whatever it was she wanted, whichever kind of life his Swan’s heart was set on, Killian would follow her into knowing that as long as he had Emma’s love he would have everything.

……………

“So you actually did it? You found a way?”

Emma could hardly process what she’d just heard. Rationally she understood there was a law passed by her grandfather years ago that gave her the ability to file for a public vote. That vote, if it went her way, would grant Emma a reprieve from the restrictions that had been tormenting her for weeks. She would have time to live a life before the duties of being queen came calling and the freedom to choose love over her family legacy. The thought was liberating and entirely welcome.

Yet the power of this moment came from a different place entirely. The fact that her father, her grandmother, the man she loved more than anything, and dozens of other people had worked so hard to give her this was unimaginable. That kind of devotion was really moving, and most of Emma’s relief came from the fact that all their hard work wasn’t for nothing. They did it and Emma was humbled by that in every way.

“We found a way, Emma.” Emma launched herself at her father for a hug, thanking him profusely for this but he shook his head.

“There’s no need to thank us, Emma. We wanted to do this.” Emma smiled and moved to her grandmother who was smiling widely.

“I know but it must have taken so much effort. You’ve all been working so hard I don’t know what to say except I love you.” Queen Ruth took Emma’s face in her hands and looked right at her, imploring her to do away with those worries.

“It’s nothing less then you deserve, my dear. I only wish it could have been easier for Killian’s sake. He spent an awful lot of time in that musty old cellar to find this.” Emma looked over to Killian and moved to take his hand as her father spoke.

“That’s a very good point. How would you feel about a knighthood, son? Lesser men have been awarded it in the past.”

Killian winced at the thought of such a title as Emma laughed, luxuriating in the feel of his fingers intertwining with hers. He’d been here these past few weeks but there had been a kind of distance since this was on both of their minds. Now Emma felt they’d turned a corner and they could go back to the way things were before, or into a direction that was even better.

“That particular honor would insinuate that Emma needed rescuing when she’s always had the means to do that herself.”

Emma blushed at the words and listened as her father agreed with Killian. He explained how Nicholas’ turning on the Viscount came about because of her trips to the orphanage, and after they all assured her that there wouldn’t be any leaks to the press that could put pressure and stress on the children, Emma felt a sense of satisfaction she didn’t have before. It turned out she wasn’t the damsel at all. She’d sealed her fate and made it possible for Killian’s plan to work. In a way they had done it together. They were partners and Emma couldn’t think of anyone she’d rather have on her team.

“Now, I think at the very least we have all earned ourselves a bit of reprieve. I for one am going to find some mindless diversion with no stakes at all to fill the hour before dinner. A queen needs more balance. Perhaps a trip is in order. I could use an ocean vista.”

Emma laughed at her grandmother’s words and hugged the older woman, telling her that she loved her again. It was decided by her parents too that some rest would be best and she said her goodbyes to them as well, but while her mother held her close she whispered a suggestion to Emma.

“You should show Killian your list, Emma. I think he might like to know a little more about what the future holds.”

Emma grinned and said that she would as her parents left. Emma debated running upstairs quickly and bringing her blueprints back to the garden house, but there wasn’t enough time before dinner to make it worth it. Instead Emma pulled Killian in the direction of her rooms here, hoping to share with him what she’d spent her day coming up with. Before that though she needed something different, something more.

The second that the doors closed behind them, Emma pulled Killian into a searing kiss, finding that he was just as eager for the connection. It was raw and unbridled but Emma could feel the swirl of relief and passion and victory. He might not want to admit that he was her white knight, but Emma thought of Killian as a protector, a defender of her heart and of her happiness. She couldn’t imagine what her life would be like if she’d never met him and when all of this was over the best part of her life would still be him and his choosing her despite everything.

“Much as I might like to explore that further right now, love, your mother said something about a list.” Emma’s jaw dropped.

“You heard that? It was barely a whisper.” Killian scratched behind his ear with one hand as the other held her close, not wanting to break the link between them.

“Call it a byproduct of all that time in the archives. Plus by the end the lawyers weren’t in any shape to talk to me. If they made sound at all I had to consider it a success.”

Emma laughed, knowing about Killian’s less than amicable relationship with them. She could just picture him demanding answers from them, fierce and determined and uninterested in failure. He wasn’t like that often, but there was a part of Killian that couldn’t stand for incompetence. At least not when it came to her. She was almost remiss at having missed it though. She could only imagine what him barking orders and exerting some authority would do to her already near constant desire for him.

“You really want to see it?” Emma asked, already knowing the answer.

“I want to know every part of you, Emma, if you’ll only let me in.”

There was no question as to whether she would and she pulled Killian forward to the other side of the room. Hung up on a bare portion of the wall was a huge sheet of white paper that she’d brainstormed on with her mother. At first they’d tried to organize it, but in the end it became this big huge web of wishes, a bucket list of sorts splashed across a page with no real rhyme or reason. The only thread linking everything was that Emma wanted to see or experience it and she was hoping Killian would be there with her when she did.

Killian stepped forward, his hand still holding hers and she tracked his eyes as they scanned over the dozens of ideas. He laughed at some and smiled at others. He seemed intrigued and it was clear to Emma that he found nothing lacking but he stayed quiet just a tad too long for her liking.

“So… what do you think?”

“I think it’s brilliant, Emma, and I’ll do anything I can to see you find your way to all of this.”

Emma couldn’t help the flutter of her heart at the affirmation. It was hardly out of the ordinary for Killian to insist on seeing her happy, but it still took her breath away all the same. He was impossibly good and she loved him for all that kindness and devotion. He made her stronger, building her up in the good times and the bad and it was testament to how right this thing between them was.

“And what if me getting what I want requires you to be there with me through all of it?” Killian grinned and it colored those blue eyes of his to an even more striking shade as his hands came to run across her body.

“I’d say I’m following you, Swan, to the ends of the earth if need be.”

Emma laughed and turned to show him some particular ideas. She wanted his opinions on places to see and experiences to try. She had some thoughts that she’d stumbled upon at different intervals in her life (like watching a sunset from the top of the Eiffel Tower, ordering a pizza on a promenade in Florence, or seeing the winter light festival right here in Genovia) but Killian knew more than she did in some regards, and he had some ideas she wanted to include. Emma wrote them down and then stood back up and smiled, liking that the list had things for both of them now. Still it was impossible to deny that there weren’t missing elements on this paper, ones that arguably would matter most of all.

“There’s more dreams than that, you know. Ones that were a little less appropriate to outline with my mother in the room.” Killian wrapped his arms around her from behind and pressed a kiss to her shoulder.

“Are there now?” Emma hummed out a sound of agreement.

“Well there are all the other ones for you and me.” He held her slightly tighter at the insinuation, which made Emma laugh as she turned around to look at him. “I mean you did tell me that someday you were going to ask me a question about forever right? So if you do -,”

“When I do, Swan.” Emma smiled at his interruption and ran her hand across his cheek.

“Okay when you do, there will be all sorts of next steps. You’re a big proponent of having everything, I assume you’ve considered that.”

Killian’s eyes practically scorched through her. The intensity was dizzying but Emma never wanted to look away. He managed to pack all the love he felt in a simple look and it filled Emma with certainty that happily ever after was real and possible.

“Honestly I think of little else, Emma. All I could ever want is a life spent with you and all that that means.” She ran her hand down his chest and the flat planes of his abdomen undoing each button of his shirt with deft fingers. He wasn’t standing in her way, but his muscles were tight as if holding back from temptation himself.

“So you’ve thought about how someday it won’t just be me and you then?” Killian growled out a sound in response that shot straight to her core.

“Aye, love. But I think we’d both prefer to save that day for a while yet. Think of all the things we could do with just a little bit of privacy.”

Emma gulped at his whispered words and she felt him turning the tables on her. Though she absolutely agreed that such a conversation would come a ways down the line (and she’d mostly brought them up just to see a response like this), she couldn’t help the flare of wanting that came as he ran his hands across her body with her back against the wall. Thinking about a whole life together with Killian fueled something in her and suddenly all she could think was that they should spend a lot of time practicing for when the time was right.

“As always you’re bloody brilliant, Swan.” Emma’s brow furrowed because she didn’t think she’d said anything out loud, but then he grinned, pushing all thoughts out of her mind as a whole. “You’re an open book, love, and luckily we are very much on the same page.”

“Even if we only have an hour?” She asked as he led her into her bedroom and locked the door shut.

“Well you know I love a challenge.”

Oh yes she did, and Emma loved every second of his attentions and all the pleasure they brought forth. And when Killian promised yet again after everything that they really had forever, and that time would never stop how much he loved her, Emma knew that he was right and that is was exactly the same for her. True love never went away, no matter what the circumstance, and Emma knew it would always be her constant and the thing that kept her strongest forever more.

Post-Note: So now we have a way around the law but it’s up to Emma to determine her own fate. The next chapter will bring her plea to the people and the results of the election (I am sure many of you can imagine given my track record how that will end up). As I’ve said before, the next chapter will shift us into the last couple of installments for this story and will in many ways have us sailing into the happily ever after. I’m not sure how long it will take for the next update, but know that it is coming and so is the fluff. Anyway thanks so much for reading and I hope you all have a great start to your new year!

[gcinformationorillia-blog]

New Volunteer Opportunities: Self-Care Related

It’s a busy time of year, so we have been focusing on self-care to get us through this crazy time. I hope you’ve thought about self-care ALMOST as much as you have been thinking about your syllabus and deadlines! I understand that volunteering is probably the last thing on your mind with everything else you have on your plate! But what if I told you, you could combine volunteering with self-care….? Yes! It’s true! I have pulled together a couple of places looking for volunteers that are fun and stress free, making them a suitable choice to count towards self-care!

Foster Volunteer - Orillia Animals Centre

(Ontario SPCA and Humane Society)

The Ontario SPCA and Humane Society is seeking individuals to temporarily provide a safe and nurturing environment while taking care of animals in their home. Who wouldn’t love spending time with a loving furry creature during this busy time! Having a furry companion can help relieve stress and can help you feel safe and comforted. Not only would this fostering volunteer opportunity benefit you, it would benefit the animal by providing care and rehabilitation to animals that are too sick, injured or too young to thrive in an Animal Centre environment. They ask that individuals interested in this position are at least 18 years of age, are able to commit to the program for a minimum of 6 months, are able to follow directions outlined by the Foster Care team, have reliable access to transportation, and have previous experience caring for an animal. If you’re interested in this awesome opportunity, you can fill out a volunteer application directly on the Ontario SPCA website. Upon clicking on the provided link, click on the yellow box on the page that says “View Our Life Saving Positions”, and it will direct you to the application form for “Foster Volunteers”.

LINK: https://ontariospca.ca/volunteer/volunteer-orillia-animal-centre/ 

Tree Planting Volunteer

(Severn Sound Environmental Association)

The Severn Sound Environmental Association is seeking roughly 20 individuals to help plant seedlings in the Severn Sound Watershed in early spring (typically late April/early May). They are looking for individuals that are at least 14 years of age and have an interest in gardening and/or the environment. Volunteers are only needed for one day as it is a one time event lasting 2 hours. They are looking for dependable and trustworthy individuals that have experience working in a team environment. Training is provided on the job, and a car is required for the position. A police check is not required. If you’re interested in this fun, nature friendly opportunity please view the contact information below!

Michelle Hudolin

Wetlands & Habitat Biologist, Severn Sound Environmental Association

Phone: 705-534-7283 ext 202

Fax: 705-534-7459

Email: mhudolin@severnsound.ca

Address: 489 Finlayson St

                Port McNicoll, ON

                Canada L0K 1R0

More Info Link: http://www.severnsound.ca/ 

Entertainment

(VON Canada, Barrie, Adult Day Program)

Do you play a musical instrument or have a talent that you want to showcase? Are you a friendly and outgoing person with an interest in music and performing arts and have an interest in senior support? This would be such a fun opportunity for you! VON Canada is searching for individuals or groups that can provide a half hour of entertainment to their clients for their adult day program! This program is a social club for seniors that have dementia where typically 20 seniors attend each day. They ask that individuals wanting to volunteer are at least 18 years of age and there is no specified commitment length. You can entertain once, or multiple times, whatever you prefer! They have openings from Monday-Friday between 1 pm and 3 pm. There is no police check required for this position. If you’re interested in performing your music, this is a great opportunity to combine your self-care activity with volunteering! If you’re interested in volunteering for this fun and unique opportunity, please contact: 

Nicole Quesnelle

Activation Programmer, VON, Adult Day Program

Phone: 705 326-7505

Fax: 705-720-2755

Email: nicole.quesnelle@von.ca

Address: IOOF Senior Citizens Homes

                10 Brooks St.

                Barrie, ON L4N 7X2

Ski or Snowboard Instructor

(Ontario Track 3 Ski Association for the Disabled)

If you have an interest in Sports and Recreation and have a passion for helping the differently abled, this is an opportunity for you! With full training, volunteers will teach student athletes how to ski and snowboard. They are looking for recreational skiers and snowboarders who can donate their time to help deliver quality alpine lessons. Their clients are student athletes, ranging in age from 6 - 19 years of age, present with physical and/or cognitive disabilities. In volunteering with this organization you’ll be able to share the joy of enabling student athletes to reach their goals as well as gain community service hours and a great reference letter! It is a small commitment length of less than 3 months with a minimum of 4 hours a week. Orientation and training is provided and a police check is required for this position. Transportation is provided and there is a uniform cost of $75. A great opportunity to combine your love for skiing or snowboarding, with volunteering and helping others! This is a self-care worthy volunteer opportunity if you ask me! If you are interested in this opportunity please contact:

Naomi Schafler

Executive Director, Ontario Track 3 Ski Association

Phone: 416-233-3872 * 1-877-308-7225

Email: naomi.schafler@track3.org 

For More Info: https://track3.org/volunteer-opportunities 

Therapy Dog Handler

(St.John Ambulance, Barrie Simcoe Muskoka)

This volunteer opportunity is exactly what it sounds like! St.John’s Ambulance is looking for volunteers to visit seniors centres, hospitals and schools with properly evaluated dogs that are no less than 1 year old, to provide residents and patients with the companionship of a pet! Not only is this a great companionship for the residents and patients, this can also be therapeutic for you with being able to hangout with snuggly pets all day! Who wouldn't love to spend the day with an adorable furry friend! They ask that those interested in this position are of 18 years of age or up and can commit to up to 2 years. Dates and times vary throughout the week and are flexible in order to meet the needs of the organization being visited as well as the availability of the volunteer. A car is required for this position as well as a police reference check. If you’re interested in this adorably fun volunteer opportunity please view the contact information below.

St.John’s Ambulance

Phone: (Business) 705-736-0991

Fax: 705-726-3246

Email: BarrieSimcoeMukoka@on.sja.ca 

Address: Barrie By The Bay

                80 Bradford St, Suite 400

                Barrie, ON L4N 6S7

Thanks for viewing this weeks blog post! I hope you were able to find something of interest to you that can also tie into your self-care routine! Until next time…..

Xoxo,

S

[dorkylittleweirdo]

All the camp counselor asks.

:”D

1. How long have you been a counselor at the camp you’re at now?

this is my 2nd year ^-^

2. Did you go to camp as a kid? Did you go to the camp you work at as a kid?

yee, i was a camper at the same place lmao

3. Have you worked at other camps? Which did you like better?

i haven’t been a counselor/assistant at other camps but i’ve been to others. they’r not as fun

4. What is your least favorite kaper?

getting kayaks out of the giant ass shed

5. What is your favorite thing to do with your time off?

lmao what time off. uhhhh thursday of last sessions me and my friend/coworker go walk to get slushies/milkshakes

6. Do you stay in touch with your coworkers during the year?

some of them, ye

7. Favorite camp game?

we don’t really do games, we do lifeguard/first aid stuff. i like the classroom, we practice cpr and watch first aid videos and stuff

8. Favorite thing to lead at camp?

paddleboarding

9. What kind of camp do you work at (day or resident, mountains or plains, woods or not, YMCA or Scouts or whatever)?

it’s at a lake ^-^

10. Why did you become a counselor?

bc i wanted to give the other kids the experience i would’ve wanted at their age, like i want them to have as much fun as i did

11. Why did you come back for your 2nd (3rd, 4th, 5th, etc) summer?

bc it’s hell of a lot better and more rewarding than being a normal camper

12. Favorite theme day/week?

last week we do olympics or color wars or something, that’s fun

13. What’s one thing that’s always in your pack?

first aid kit, food, sunscreen

14. Were you a CIT (Counselor in Training) or a camp aide of some kind?

technically that’s what i am, but they consider the assistants as equal, we just get paid in volunteer hours and not money

15. What do you think is the most important skill for a counselor?

be understanding, bc not all the kids are the same. you don’t know what their lives are like outside of camp, you don’t know what problems/issues they might have, you don’t know their past. if you have a problem with them, don’t yell at them or embarrass them, pull them aside real quick and ask them what’s up (i usually say “i can’t help you or even try to if i don’t know what’s going on, but you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to”)

16. What was your favorite unit (group of kids) at camp?

i like the 9-11 year olds best bc they’e super fun and easily entertained, but my 12-13 year olds are awesome too

17. What is your favorite camp song?

we don’t have one actually lmao. we usually just sing whatever songs are in

18. What’s the camp song that you sing because kids love it but you (and possibly the rest of the staff) all hate?

baaAAABY SHARK DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO (actually lowkey really love it bc Memories, i think it;s the other way around lmao)

19. What age group do you like work with the best?

9-11 year olds

20. Favorite camp tradition?

dumping a whole thing of ice water onto someone’s head then yelling “WELCOME TO (camp name)”

21. Tell a story of a late night adventure at camp.

oh god ok so we used to do beach campouts before that got Banned. i went around at like 10 with the other assistants/instructors to round up kids to play late night volleyball. i had a kid on my shoulders and it was so fun lmao

22. How do you de-stress?

i dOn’T

23. What is the most important thing you’ve learned as a counselor?

have more faith in myself. i know what i’m doing and the kids really do love me for who i am and what i do. as long as my supervisor thinks i’m doing good, then i don’t have to listen to another bitch ass assistant who thinks she’s better than me when she didn’t do shit all summer-

24. If you had to do it all over again, what would you change?

i’d be more confident with what i was doing to start with and not let that bitch get to me bc i’m Good At My Job unlike sOmE oF uS

25. How long do you see yourself working at camp? What do you see yourself doing there?

i mean i see myself working there for a long ass time if they hire me ^-^