#but at least we got one bit of good news so thats nice (genuinely)

[fossys]

i dont think enough people talk about the stress of losing your abilities. whether your an introject or a brainmade with exomemories it fucking sucks

like yes i lost my magic and a lot of things i had relating to that and i fucking hate how incapable and weak i feel without it but. like also. i was a scientist. and now im struggling on our basic math. and i feel like a fucking idiot. i was so much more than this and now im upset over geometry. what the fuck man

[shutupheathersorryheatherr]

"Birthday days"

Summery: a short Beomgyu x reader fic in celebration of his birthday! you two start celebrating a day early and its adorable and heartwarming-- the love between you two really shows. The type of love you give each other— whole heartedly and true. The playfulness and newness you too still have… all these things are all that matters approx: fifteen minute read

warningz/ info: kissing, established relationship, some cursing here and there, talking of food. reader gives beomgyu a bit of tough love and he loves it. reader is gn! and they cuddle. think thats about it! lemme know if I missed anything as always!

A/n: ok I know (or at least I hope) that beomgyu doesn’t see this but happy birthday you talented-in-literally-everything man! i think this is my first birthday fic but ugh he deserves the title lmao because in the words of that one song from destiny's child: I WANNA CARE FOR UUUU MAKE YOU DINNER AND DESSERT PUT YOUR DEWRAG ONNNN

~this is simply a piece of fiction. My imagination onto “paper.” This is in no way is mean to be taken as an actual and real representation of anyone.~

•••••••••••••••••••••••••

You snort out a genuine laugh as he presses his nose into your neck. and he feels as if he was made to make you do so and to hear it. whatever you two were talking about before slips your mind as you ease into a comfortable silence with him. as talkative as the man currently breathing onto your neck is, it wasn't something you got often.

The silence is quickly filled, though, when he pokes his slimy little tongue out to lick your neck. You shrink back and laugh out a scream. "ah!" you laugh, "ew beomgyu! thats disgust-- get off--" he hums, arms trapping you to him, reveling in your body warmth as he was only in boxers and a sleep shirt. this was supposed to be a very special but normal none the less night before his birthday... full love, kisses, and good food. but of course neither of you could hold fast to that. you knew it from the beginning anyways

Thats when it happens-- he nips at your neck and you nearly squeal. "Beomgyu!" he doesn't say anything. then he goes for your collarbone. not enough to leave a mark but enough to get you smiling at him, his hair brushing your cheek as he pins you to him, legs tangled with his even though you two are standing. "Lemme go, Beomgyu!"

"I don't know a Beomgyu! I'll let you go if you say the right name and address me correctly!" you roll your eyes and scratch up his back. he shivers in the best way possible as you smile. "Can you let me go now... beom?" he huffs into your ear, but releases his grip a bit none the less. "... I'll except it..." you peel yourself away from him to look him in his pretty deep brown eyes. "what else would you have liked, you big baby?" you tease. he was so spoiled, but he was right, you barely ever call him by his actual name anymore. at least not in private. it soon shifting into terms of endearment. and even before you were together, you always had some sort of nickname or term to address him with.

"Baby would've been nice...." he fake sulks, "love, darling, honey, handsome, your treasure, light in your life. anything, really." you glance over at the clock. "Sure” you roll your eyes, “anything. we need to try to get to sleep, baby." he pouts, and all you feel like doing is kissing those lips until both of yours are numb. but he only grips you tighter at your bedrooms door, halfway in the hallway.

"Nope! I wanna hug hola bit more. and dont be so mean! its my birthday after all."

You smile into his hair as he finds his face nuzzled back into your neck. "Not for another five minutes its not." you chuckled. you two were joking, of course. you always liked to start celebrating each others birthdays as early as can be. and this time it just so happened to be at tonights dinner.

"Fine fine," he grins, "can I hug you all I want once it hits midnight?" he bargains. you playfully scoff. "I would barely consider this hugging." he puffs out warm air onto your neck and kisses the places he wiped at before, adding on your throat to peck. "But youve got yourself a deal."

You climb into bed, Beomgyu following you closely behind. You pull he covers up to your chin, settling into your designated spot as he does the to his (basically meaning wherever was right next to you) You turn to him, fully expected one of his teasing facing at you under the dim light, ready to do your nightly sleepy talk. he surprises you with his quick seriousness though.

"Happy anniversary." he pecks your lips, truly never being able to stay away from them for long.

It had been a full year since you'd confessed your true feelings for him on guess what? the night before his birthday. you hadn't planned on in much, but you knew you wanted to do it when the time felt right and had wanted to for a while. you were sure he had a thing for you too-- the way the air with him was always thick and slow moving as molasses told you quite enough. the little gremlin actually whined when you'd brought it up. "I was gonna say it your next birthday!" you simply laughed at him at the time. "well, you were taking too long." then it started what had to have been your first "argument" as a couple-- who was gonna take who out first.

"What about I take you out..." you remember him crawling closer to you on the floor, now in between you legs, "tomorrow, hm?" you chuckled. "dude!" you put a hand to your head and massaged your temples, so this was how it was gonna be? you just had to pick him? "its your birthday tomorrow!" He gets this dumb look on his face, eyes wide. "oh.... " "yeah 'oh'!" you shout at him, "its supposed to be about you!" "it can be about you too...! about us!"

He then tells you hes gonna confess to you your next birthday to make up for it. your first "argument" as a couple was interesting. and when you tell him that his face turns a shade red enough to challenge any tomato. "we're a couple?" he blinks, small smile hidden behind his lips. "you wanna be?" he lets his smile bloom in full and nods his head so fast you wonder how the boy isn't dizzy.

But what makes you dizzy is how long ago that all was. it felt like just yesterday you had kissed him for the first time, caught in between not letting go and and curling into yourself like a turtle to hide your beaming smile. you still felt the giddiness of it all as if this was your first week together. hm, you think, some things might never change. and to be honest, you were ok with that if it was this.

You two felt comfortable, haven fallen into a good routine like youve been together for ages. and sometimes it did feel like that even though it had only been a year. because of how god damn close you were before then. so close that sometimes you'd get teased that you looked like a couple. but even with all this, there was never a dull moment. somehow you two made everything into a new experience. a new good memory. it was never boring, even laying with him here in silence.

Oh... wait... in silence! you suddenly remembered that you hadn't responded to him yet, just staring at him. once you focus more on his face hes got his eyebrow raised and a knowing smile on his face, shaking his head slightly. "happy anniversary, my love." and you dont give him even a second to complain and whine about why you didnt call him that sooner before you scoot closer to him, wrapping your arms around his broad shoulders and swinging a leg over his hips. you glance at the time quickly. yup "And happy birthday."

You didn’t know what it was, or maybe you did because you loved him. But nonetheless the you the strongest magnetic pull towards him. Never before have you felt the way you do now. You think you’ll remember this night forever. Next to you, already half asleep, beomgyus thinking the same thing. And that no mater where you two were in life you’d have each other to just be happy with. Cause that’s the feeling among other wonderful ones that you brought each other— unbridled happiness.

And you two stay like this, until your breathing slowly matches and you drift into what was probably the same dream about the year before.... only slightly interrupted with a bear with a party hat but we won't talk about that.

=

The next morning and youve rushed around enough, making everything just right for your adoring boyfriend for the entire next five to seven business days. it was quite a bit of preparation, especially since you didnt wanna bang shit around and wake him up, but you feel accomplished none the less, hoping he'll like it.

Youve prepare quite the spread of his favorite breakfast items, all cooked and seasoned to perfection. as youre admiring your work, you hear a groan from the bedroom, beomgyu opening the door you shut gently earlier. hes rubbing his eyes and pouting, such a cute sight that all you wanna do so litter him with kisses. "What'r you doin?" he stands there, swaying back and forth because of the morning cold that's hit him. "I woke up and you weren't there. I wanted to hold you." hes a bit groggy but his senses are slowly coming to him and a wide smile graces his face, tops of his cheeks poking under his eyes.

You jog over to him, hands at your sides. and grab him by the shoulders, turning him in front of you and leading him to the breakfast table. he stops you and puts his hands on your shoulders, mimicking you, sly smile on his face. you stop in your tracks. "im sorry I wasn't there when--" "its ok and I thank you. but come to bed after we enjoy? just for another ten minutes. I didnt realize how much I missed morning cuddles with you." his eyes were more open now, he was more alert, but having him say that just put both of you into relaxation mode. "sure thing, baby." you smile at him. fuck he was so cute it didnt even make sense.

His sock clad feel pitter padder on the floor and you plop him down and he protests. "y-you you made all this?" he sounds a mixture of surprised and touched, though what else was he to expect? he knew you'd try to make this day the best ever-- even from the start. "this is too much. thank you but--" you put an eating utensil in his hand. "just try it please." he takes a bite of the thing closest to him., then another, than another. he makes a couple sounds of enjoyment then turns to you. "why'd you do all this?"

"I wanted you to love it! duh! im gonna make this day perfect for you and you better not expect anything less!" you yell and he chuckles. it was funny, just like the years past, especially last year, here you were, yelling sweet lovely things at him. tough love that made him gooey on the inside... and outside most of the time. he Stands up so quickly you barely have time to say that he better go sit down before his breakfast gets cold and to go enjoy his food.

He puts a firm but very gentle hand on where your neck and head meet thumb rubbing circles on your lower cheek. looks deep into your eyes then kisses you. "I love it, baby. thank you, really. it's all too much. come sit and enjoy it with me." he never fails to amaze you with how he can go from this goofball to something that makes your knees weaker than anything else he does, wanting to melt into him.

You sit next to him as always, knees touching in a way that somehow made two grown peoples hearts flutter like it was the first time. he sets down his utensil next to his plate, knowing better than to set down your hand and distract you from your food. he leans closer to you and kisses your cheek, an act so small and innocent but meaning so so so much to express his love and gratitude. you smile and he kisses closer to the apple of your cheek again, and again, and again.

Now hes barely leaving your skin before he goes in for another one, nose bumping into you and yeah, maybe the window is open but he doesn't really care if the neighbors are out. each little kiss on your cheek makes a small sound that makes you smile even wider. and here you two are, his birthday but you both are giddy as he keeps pecking your cheek over, over, and over. the food can wait another minute, the expressions of love an adoration are all that matters.

~end~

thanks for reading! If you liked it please leave some love like comments and or reblogging!

taglist: @itz-yerin

[trashworldblog]

What is hmbomberguy (I can’t spell) ur reblogs are making me so curious but I cannot handle getting into more content/ content drama rn.

hi! yes. so hbomberguy is one of those 2hr long video- twice a year or less youtubers. who make content exploring a topic (like plagerism on youtube, vaccines and autism, etc).

his new video talks about video essay type youtubers who steal all their writing from documentries, books, articles, etc. and makes thousands of dollars off of other peoples work.

james sommerton is the main focus of the video, but he also shows how iiluminaughtii stole from documentries (and even listed the piriting site she watched it from as a source? lol) and internet historian stole an entire article, format, visuals, and all, and got 10 million views for it (and stole so much his video got taken down) and theres this other video game guy that got hired at ign and the got fired from ign for piriting and is a homophobic right wing guy?? (details are fuzzy, this is a 4 hour video i watched once, forgive me).

um. but, the james sommerton stuff just gets crazier and crazier the way this guy just makes a ton of money by lying to his community. he ends up accidently stealing work from one of his patreon members (he stole on purpose, i assume he didnt know who he was stealing from was a patron). he asked and got thousands of dollars to mame a fake (?) film studio that has made no films, and only says theyre in preproduction for a new film every 10 months. he also, yknow, steals from queer voices, basically harming his own community for profit. and when he's called out for stealing, he either shouts homophobia or shifts the blame to his co writer, who probably knows nothing about the plagerism.

anyways. its a bit of a drama thing. but honestly its a lot about how and why we should care about the art and media we consume online, and just how many people who look like they have their life together and are making lots and lots of content, seemingly on their own or close, actually are just stealing from talented people. it heals a bit of that imposter syndrome for people that do make genuine content online, and shows the consumers what making too much too quick actually means for the content they enjoy. the get the equivalent of meat grinded facts mixed with misinformation, subtly changed quotes, and 0 sources, or a laundry list of unorganized and unlabled sources if they want to learn more.

also i like this tweet. summarizes it well for me.

um. but thats my thoughts on it. i liked it because it reminds me that people who are churning out content one-man-show style aren't making the greatest stuff. i struggle with feeling like my work takes too long. but this was a great reminder that im actually making something good (i hope!), or at least, something that is truely coming from me. so its gonna take time to do it. but it'll be worth it because it'll be coming from me. (and also good. hopefully)

also the money hbomberguy is making off this video is going to the people james stole from. so thats really nice.

[slashingdisneypasta]

Inkubus x Reader || Drabble

Plot: On childhood things and how you leave them and they never get an explanation- but they never change and they're always there if you ever need them again.

'We did it before, you and I. Remember. We ran away.' - Bash, Reign.

Warnings: Angst. Unedited.

Tagging: @marinerainbow , @masqueradeball , @slxsherwriter and @your-mxnd-is-mxne .

Its been a long time since you saw Inkubus, and yet you're not surprised to see him now in the darkness of your backyard.

You don't startle, you don't even lift your face off of the heels of your hands. You're too tired... too worried, about tomorrow. Thats probably why he's here, you figure. Has some two-cense to offer about your decisions.

You roll your eyes at the thought, because it sounds just right, but offer a little smile in greeting when he approaches; standing right in front of you in the buzzing yellow glow of your porch light. From your position sitting on a step, you finally lift your head out of your hands and sigh, straightening up to look up and see his face. He's still the same as before, you note, feeling pleased that even a small part of your life hasn't changed in all this time. Its been 10 years and you've got grey hair's, now. You work somewhere new, you live somewhere new, your friends are mostly moved away or disappeared, you wardrobe is almost all swapped out for something new except one or two bed shirts that used to be your favourites, even your hair's going grey... but he's the same, at least. Thats nice.

"Hi."

"Hello, darling." He grins, genuinely pleased to see you too even after all this time.

As he sits down next to you, the black of his coat catching the porch light and turning gold under your gentle eyes. "... to what do I owe this visit, old friend?"

"Oh, I just missed you... cant I just visit because I want to see you??"

"Sure... " A mischievous grin slips across your mouth, and you side eye him. "But you don't do that."

"Well... " A matching smirk crawls slowly across his own mouth, eyes dancing like hellfire. "I might have heard this is your final night as a free woman," Uhuh, the corners of your lips ache to spread open wider, just as you thought... "Isn't that right?"

"Yep." You straighten your back up, nodding with pride. "Finally found someone who wants me- isn't that something?"

Inkubus sets you with a stern look. "Finding someone who wants you was never your problem, Y/N."

At that, you slouch a little bit. "... I guess."

You remember back 10 years ago, the last time you saw him. When the two of you were more then Something, like now. More then two people who knew each other (Or used to know each other). when you met you were 26, lonely and bored; just going through the motions with life.

... thinking back on that time in your life makes you feel sad even now. When you have the perfect person asleep in your bed inside, who never lets you fall into a slump, and encourages you and is- just- ... so comfortable... Because back then you had no one. You spent your days going to work, picturing trips you might research when you got home, then having dinner and going straight to bed because the day was so tiring. You didn't have drive, excitement or interest in your life. It was... miserable.

... Well, Inkubus changed all that didn't he?

Suddenly your life was a mess and for a while it was amazing; Just what you needed. Excitement and fun and a little danger (Or a lot, really).

-But in the end thats not what you needed.

You sake your head of those memories, because if you delve in too deeply you'll miss it, and with him right next to you, who know's what you'll do.

And you're not 26 and alone, anymore. You cant take off with Inkubus, again. You cant run away.

Its high time you put away your childish things.

You imagine Wendy Darling putting away her Peter stories and growing up, Dorothy kissing the Scarecrow good-bye, Alice drinking the jabberwocky blood and going home- because that was the right thing to do.

And then you glance at Inkubus.

"... Oh well, you know why I had to leave." You shrug, dismissively- but then glance across at him, to make absolutely certain. He does, doesn't he? When he gives nothing away, just looks out into the darkness of your silent, still yard at night, you feel concerned that he doesn't. "... right?"

"... I've developed a few theories over the years." He tells you, a gentle grin flickering across his wolf-mouth and sharp devil's eyes.

You don't know what to say. You just sit there with your lips parted. He doesn't know???

"I- "

"Love... " He cuts you off. "Leave it." There's a growl in his voice, but you don't leave it. You love him deeply, and you don't want him in the dark and the dust. So you open your mouth again, to explain how you were finally okay on your own and it was a l l thanks to him, he reaches over into your lap and squeezes one of your hands tight. A silent shut up. "Don't."

"Are you sure??... " You ask, eyes round and unsure.

"I didn't come here to open up old wounds, love."

Taking a deep breath, you stifle your urge to explain anyway; swallow it all down with a lump in your throat and take a deep breath. Carefully, you gather his hand in both of yours. "... why did you come?" You ask, almost conversationally. Even though your heart is feeling delicate. Because thats what he wants.

"... " After a moment a rueful grin spreads across his face again. "Well perhaps I wanted to see if you wanted to run away the night before your wedding."

"Oh, sure." You roll your eyes at the ridiculous suggestion, almost laughing all of a sudden. Tears fill up your eyes suddenly at the quick change of tone, but you immediately wipe them away and forget they happened at all. Sniffing, you nod. "Where to then??"

"Aw... you sarcasm wounds~ We did it before, you and I. Remember? We ran away." He flashes you a wicked grin thats just for you. It still makes your nerves light up like a casino sign in the dark. "Didnt we?"

"Yeah. We did." One last time, you let the memories slip through. How you didn't even call work that day, you just packed a suitcase. And how it didn't even matter to you where you ended up or how you got there, just that you were free all of a sudden and he kept kissing you. "How could I forget?"

"Hmmm... " He hums, sounding sneaky and mischievous. "Especially nights in the hotel room's, right?~

... I don't suppose you'd leave with me, again?"

"I'd love to... but no."

He sighs, before giving you a kiss on the head. "... No hard feelings, love."

[atopvisenyashill]

i have to watch everything at least twice to understand it but preliminary thoughts

wigs look good so far even tho aegon’s looks dumb. i get they want to go for like “greasy sadboy” here but it looks like they plopped it on his head 10 minutes before they started filming. crazy bc little jaehaerys looked adorable, helaena looked very nice, and rhaenyra’s fucked up wig was divine.

baela and rhaena crumbs were nice and while i think the dresses on the whole looked better, i’m still genuinely annoyed that they consistently choose to put baela in these random no character targaryen style dresses instead of her trousers. it’s fine at least they were at the funeral up close this time, given that luke is their literal brothercousin.

we could have gotten a wall scene AND the cregan tells jace about luke reveal. imo there was time in this episode to have jace at some sort of small dinner where cregan introduces him to some people, talk about the long night, and see jace Relaxed, Funny, And Politicking like the aegon & jaehaerys scenes.

that said, him crying as he tried to report to rhaenyra was well done, and picking up joffrey actually made me yell out loud. i will take these crumbs thanks.

aliotto fatherhusband and daughterwife scene was really really excellent. i might turn into an alicole hater bc i think those scenes were a waste of time and i want alicent to fuck several relatives And larys before that man, if she must fuck a man. we’ll see going forward.

b&c was kinda disappointing? not married to the idea of helaena picking maelor/jaehaera to die over jaehaerys so much as blood or cheese making sure to get in that “hear that your mommy wants you dead” line. THATS what makes it the tragedy, that helaena chooses a child over the other and has to live with it. i Kind Of get the change here, the continued themes of helaena being ignored, the idea that helaena almost wants to spare jaehaerys from ever being king by letting him die (i mean that’s what i was getting from the earlier convo + “they killed the boy” - spare her boy by letting him die, try to protect her girl by ensuring she lives). but then they should have found a way to work in an extra level of psychological torture there with the choice she made.

i DO like that they chose jaehaerys to kill bc they were kinda rushed. they’re doing this for the money, bc they don’t like the hightowers, there’s a different rat catcher for different floors, they’re not thinking about the politics of whether it’s better to risk killing aemond in a messy way or settle for jaehaerys, they’re just trying to get the job done. i think there needed to be a little more oomph in that decision though - either more gore/sadism during the moment of killing jaehaerys or a longer scene with daemon about what to do if they can’t bag aemond that makes the viewer a bit unsettled by daemon.

rhys looked infinitely sexier to me. he dumped his annoying deadbeat husband (viserys) and glowed the fuck up. i respect the game.

in general, it’s the same issue as last season which is too much plot heavy tb scenes whereas tg has a good mix of character & plot driven scenes. it’s so frustrating that they can get the same information across but in a scene that has more character analysis & humor but seem determined to Only do this for the greens. the only one we really got for tb in that regard is maybe the corlys/alyn one.

i don’t want to end on bitching let’s end these with MY FAVORITE PARTS: ✨🖤jace’s fire new look🖤✨ and every aegon scene!

[leclercenjoyer]

tagged by my beloved @ayceeofspades thank u 💖

tagging @wolfiemcwolferson @duquesademiel @river-ocean @gaslybottoms

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

11 (10 under my username and 1 on anon)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

30,363! my goal for the year was to hit 20k total so ive already smashed that

3. What fandoms do you write for?

f1 babyyyyy

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

something borrowed (my first fic which im genuinely quite proud of)

tip of the tongue (literally just pwp)

treat with care (girl brainrot)

no poor substitute (my a/b/o unwellness which was. shockingly well received)

helping hand (esteban hand propaganda)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i WANT TO but i always feel so awkward and i never know what to say 😭 i dont know how to adequately express my emotions so i just end up. never getting around to it and i feel BAD ABOUT IT

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

muscle memory... its like. my singular angsty fic. the ending is nice and hopeful right up until i shatter it with a hammer but it Had to be done. its simply how it is.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i think all the other ones!! possibly no poor substitute or treat with care because they both end on an "oh this is a New Relationship now" while something borrowed and tip of the tongue are both more like. we were already hooking up but i guess its serious now.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

no and if i ever did i would cry forever

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

almost exclusively jdkjhdkjhs it is my Favored Terrain. i feel like my smut is. emotional and grounded? or at least thats what i hope.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

no, not that im aware!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

non! but i would be delighted if anyone did.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no but i hope to one day!!!

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

i have been thinking about pierresteban literally non-stop for the past 14 calendar months i am so fucking sorry to everyone who knows me

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

my singular wip on ao3 is on anon and... i dont know if i'll ever finish it but i hope i will at some point. and as for unpublished wips... i have a lot. i dont know if ill ever get around to finishing most of them.

16. What are your writing strengths?

i have consulted the gang and i have been told that i am good at tying the physical and emotional together (which is something i do Deliberately try to do as much as i can) and that i am very meticulous with what words i choose to use to carry a mood

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

DIALOGUE GOOD GOD. every single bit of dialogue ive ever written has been like pulling teeth. the thing is i dont know how to talk like a human person and i dont know how human people talk so it is my worst nightmare. one of my eternal wips is one i started and got like 3k words into before realizing that the dialogue would have to do the heavy lifting for the rest of the fic and then i was like "oh god damn it im an idiot arent i". also sentence structure that isnt subject-verb-object. but im kind of leaning into it tbh.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

my honest to be honest opinion is just. write the dialogue in english and if you NEED to specify what language the character is speaking just be like "he says in [language]" UNLESS the pov character doesnt understand what theyre saying. literally simple as that.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

f1 baby!!! this is literally the first fandom that has broken through the barrier in my brain thats kept me from writing fic my entire life. not even amc's the terror 2018 could do that.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

honestly? something borrowed. it was the first fic i ever completed literally in my life and i have such a soft spot for it and people were so UNBELIEVABLY nice to me about it!!!!

[adultswim2021]

Moral Orel #22: “Repression” | May 7, 2007 - 12:15AM | S02E12

Principal Fakey’s ongoing fling with Nurse Bendy is the focus of this episode. Bendy is a vapid but young and attractive school nurse, and Principal Fakey is just one of Moralton’s many lame, weak-willed and terrible men. Fakey is so consumed with guilt that he shies away from the details while in confession (we’ve seen a similar scene earlier in the series, but I forget what episode). Reverend Putty just wants to get some onanistic thrills from the sordid details, but Fakey can’t bring himself to go too deep into. Putty’s frustration stems only from being denied wack-off fodder. 

Orel, overhearing this, seeks wisdom from his father, who teaches him about repression. He also extols the virtues of being an authority figure. Not only do authority figures know best, but they are also the single authority of their own emotions and their personal truths. Orel relays this to Principal Fakey, who becomes a master of denial. In fact, while thrusting into Nurse Bendy, he learns that he has an STD (apparently school nurses can test for STDs). Oblivious to the fact he clearly got it from her (she speaks knowledgeably about how to treat said STD suggesting she has first-hand experience with it), Fakey immediately throws his poor, suffering wife out, believing that she must have given it to him.

There’s some funny dialogue in this one, and the episode is consistently funny, but it’s not VERY funny. There are very typical Moral Orel style jokes, but fails to be anything truly special. Mid-grade Orel. Not knocking it! I’ll take mid-grade Orel! 

I genuinely wonder if this is based on this bit from The Guide For the Married Man. I’ve basically lived my whole life based on the teachings of this sketch.

EPHEMERA CORNER

MAIL BAG

Jason Alexander admitted on 20/20 just now that he thought Michael Richards racial tirade was funny. He's crying about it as we speak.

I also thought it was funny but you don’t see ME crying! At least not for that reason!

What would you imagine would be the ideal first taste of Jonah Ray? Like if you had to procure a bite of Jonah Ray Comedy to make it the most palatable to a new comer. Any toppings?

A new coomer lol. Uh, I would slide that gorgeous human being with a soul and everything a copy of his AST-Records 7 Inch, which is dedicated to all of the fucking girls who ever shit on his heart... may they rest une peace!

The concept of Bob Odenkirk being "bit" by the Tim and Eric bug is so funny. He was also instrumental in grooming The Birthday Boys into prominence (in more ways than one). You could say he was the Lou Pearlman on young whiteboy comedy in the late aughts (in more ways than one).

I wanna get him to help me out by writing him a nice letter but I’m afraid now he’ll kick my freaking ass

It's Adam and Eve not Larry and Steve

LOL THATS FOR SURE

Not only did you know guys who looked like Jonah Ray, but one of our friends famously ID'd himself as Jonah Ray in an early viral video. Do you remember that and remember that man? You like him a lot. I can guarantee.

Don’t say private stuff like this on my mail bag, you dope. I do love that man, I love him a lot.

Link to the fuckable killer blog? Sound pretty good?

NO. This is more important than keeping the bit going, and I can tell this might hurt you. There is no blog where a guy ranks horror movies by how fuckable the killer is. I made it up. If you would like to start this as a blog yourself, as a spin-off (but you have to put in the description that you are a spin-off of this and link to me) then please go ahead. I would like to expand this universe.

[lostacelonnie]

Thank you! I kinda just. Realized i pay for all my own stuff & have for years so whats stopping me y'know. Oh we love to hear about the fall of far right leadership i hope that turns out well & you can get your eventual hrt as well. Oh yeah i never wear swimsuits to the beach typically. Always been with people i dont like or too many strangers for my liking. But i like to find seashells & stuff. Oh? English is such a weird language having a partner to learn from who's fluent is like. Required almost. So im glad you had one. I appreciate when people are chill as long as you try its nice & leaves room for mistakes that'll happen inevitably. Got confused for a moment & the concept of having a birthname you dont have listed in your bio lost me like. What do ya mean you had any different name what. Both mine are easy so i dont have that as a first name problem. Where is tromso? I wish you luck in that fall/winter trips are so nice. I especially love to go camping in them because less people so more space. Oh she just gets all the counters wow. Gonna have to focus on her a bit for sure. I dont know if i have enough for guaranteed kafka but i will probably try. Just to see what happens. If nothing else i hope bronya or welt come home for you. Fontaine is one of the regions im most interested in so ill stick through for it but i might squeeze a break in towards natlan honestly. Chasm was. A pain anyways i do not blame you for skipping it honestly. Thats an average day in warsaw? Wild. Ohhh that sounds like it was a blast please pass belated birthday wishes to avery for me. Hair dye is such a fun thing to do congrats on the red! I wanna dye mine again soon. Eyeliner is a thing i wanna teach myself to do too ive just been. Forgetting a lot

yeah thats very understandable!!! and thank you!! after a long time i finally feel at least a little hopeful ab this countrys future but well see. yeah i have the exact same thing but at the same time drying a lot of clothes is Annoying [esp on camps since thats the main place i actually go into the water on] so i often just put regular clothes over a swimsuit. win-win situation. seashells ARE fun to find but i always forget to bring sth to carry them sjdjflksjf plus its pretty hard to find actually nice ones, over here at least. YEAH god plus the way english is taught in polish schools does NOT help so honestly if i didnt have additional lessons i probably wouldnt have learned anything despite studying for a looooong time. and yeah its that way with almost anything isnt it. AH I DO THAT EXACT THING SO OFTEN i genuinely forget that people Have birthnames. or even names in general i just treat usernames as first names a lot of the time. tromso is the place in norway i was in!! pretty far up north but very charming. thank you!! ahhh i almost never go camping but perhaps One Day..... yeah clara has been my best friend ever since i got her. shes so fun to use. thankies and good luck to both of us!!! already got 106 pulls ready + the 9 more from the login event + 20 days left to grind so while i defo wont get enough for guarantee i think it might be possible for me to get her. honestly the region im most excited for is snezhnaya and thats gonna be the last one released iirc so. still a while until that happens. but at least when/if i come back im gonna have a lot of stuff to check out so thats fun. i unfortunately suffer from having to see everything thats new Immediately so i often speedrun new versions in 3 days and them im like....... What Now........ until the next update and then the cycle repeats. ah i should play more games that arent released this way. but yeah while the chasm was quite pretty imo and the story was. well. it wasnt STUNNING but it was fun. but the exploration aspect SUCKED good lord i hated how i could never quite tell if im in the region displayed on the map or below it. agh. glad thats over. and well yknow how it is with big cities, at least i live in a fairly peaceful part so we dont really have big stuff like that often. i will!! and thanks!! i agree hair dye IS very fun but unfortunately my hair texture makes it really hard for dye to stick so it washes off quickly :'] but alas. and yeah fair jdjfklg i have the same thing PLUS. its annoying i can never get it even

[celestialjupe]

Girlblogging: 1/11/23 20:46

Today was weird but chill? i woke up violently hungover, which was surprising. I went to the bar with my dad last night, i had a lemon drop martini and a shot of fireball, from the bar we went to kroger and i got a six pack of these twisted tea things. When i got home i realized they were only 4% so naturally, i drank four as quickly as possible....that was my mistake. It was overall a pretty chill hangover though, i threw up twice and slept my day away. also got my period..slay.

After i woke up i joined a livestream with some of my friends and after a bit decided to take a shower. I have a friend I'm not talking to currently, and today is her birthday and i wrote a message out to send but decided that might be a bad idea. I mean, it's kind of selfish to send a message to someone on their birthday when yall arent talking, right? idk the night is young and i don't want to throw her off by sending a message, i do feel shitty though, about the whole situation, mainly because im so confused lmao. Overall, i figured if she wanted me to say something then we would probably still be talking right? Plus, all i could think of was everytime a friend of mine gets a message from someone they aren't talking to on their birthday, and they never feel good about the message, regardless if the gesture was genuine. So overall it seems like something you do when you just want to make yourself feel good, but there's a lack of self awareness in taking that sort of action i think. It does suck though, but I'm okay with that, i just hope she enjoys her birthday and idk i hope it's the best one yet because she deserves the best.

Anyways, i think the playlist i put together for january is actually so good. I always like my monthly playlists obviously, but this one is really matching my mood so far. I've listened to it all the way through a few times already, which i usually never really do, at least not in one day. I'm going to catch up tonight and do my laundry and clean my bathroom. my room is still clean, but i could organize it a bit more. I'm a lot happier since i've stopped transiting my 8-12 houses, right now im transiting through my first house so thats been nice and i feel like i am finding a lot out about myself. I'm also so so happy that the holidays are finally over. It's nice to have alone time again, i always feel completely strung out by thanksgiving, and then comes christmas. It's torture! i dont get it! I did have a good christmas this year though, i think im starting to understand my extended family on a new level and thats so cool. Regardless, i think I'd rather chill alone, but i feel guilty about that obviously , because i do love and care for my family, especially as i get older. Memories soften, ya know? Thanksgiving was hard though, november in general was hard. And seeing everyone just really highlighted this rejection wound which kind of sucks because you sit there and you wonder why you're so different from all of your family, and you wonder why that difference makes it hard for them to talk to you, and then you wonder how they knew about that difference before you did. THEN you have to realize that no one is talking to you because you're the one being quiet, sitting there overanalyzing everything, when its supposed to be easy. Talking to your family is supposed to happen naturally and smoothly, and you're the one with the problem because for you it doesn't come naturally. Tough, girthy pill to swallow but i think i finally got it down this thanksgiving, because christmas came with ease. So, I'm thankful for that.

I also think the amount that i think is rotting my brain. Like shhhhh...shh...shh stop talking to yourself and start doing actual things. Actual things are fun, sitting in the same spot for hours and reminiscing on every negative experience you've ever had is not fun. I also heard something the other day thats maybe kind of silly, but it put a lot into perspective for me. Someone said that the way you spend your day to day is the way you live your life. first of all, duh. second of all thats literally the most profound discovery and i can't believe i haven't thought of that! what the fuck? So, I've really been putting in an effort to be more mindful and present instead of living in my head because im getting nothing done with that. I'm thinking of sobering up too, at least with alcohol. The hangovers are not worth it, and i just feel like it's not as fun as it used to be, plus i think i have a bad handle on my limitations. I don't get extremely white girl wasted or anything, but theres been a few times where i start to pass out and i worry that i might have given myself alcohol poisoning and my dad is gonna find me dead and drunk and that would be terrible i would be dead but i would still feel so bad if my dad had to find me, like fucking idiot!!! anyways yeah, plus being drunk is like, the opposite of being mindful and present. So it seems i have more reasons to sober up than to not sober up, drinking doesn't really serve me. Just like psychedelics always drag me down a bit, at least acid does really really drag me down. Acid is confusing because the entire time you're on it you're just like, jesus christ why did i do this? SIX MORE HOURS? oh god what if it never ends, what if this is just my life now? and then you still take it again, i don't get what that's all about. I haven't done acid since july, and that trip was cool but it also kind of sucked. It made me really self-concious and reclusive afterwards. Then i did shrooms a few times and stopped in august. My shroom trips are usually pretty cool, shroom trips are just like: YOU HAVe A LIFE!!! YOU FUCK!!! A LIIIIFEEE!!!!!!! The last time i did them, it hit me in the shower, and i knew i had done too much, but the good thing about shrooms is you can just watch fantasia and then its pretty much over, so thats what i did. I sat in my bed and just focused on fantasia, which is one of my favorite movies now, it's impossible to have a bad trip to fantasia. After fantasia i had this realization that i spend a lot of my time being miserable, so i just decided to not be miserable anymore. It's not quite that easy, especially when you're insane, but it did help! I think i might watch fantasia tonight actually, im overdue for a rewatch.

That's all i have for today. Thank you if you took the time to read! please eat well, stay hydrated, and focus on what you love!!

[summonhouse]

im going to ramble abt art websites for a bit and its maybe going to be disjointed and potentially mean bc 1. i speak for myself im not here to convince anyone of anything so i dont care about sounding nice? and 2. im feeling a little offkilter lately BUT

these are no more good art websites and its a pain to see a new art website crop up every week and everyones like, thisll be the one guys! bc i dont think in this day and age its possible.

first; websites should not be profittable. ive been thinking abt this w like, twitter and tumblr and deviantart too where the problem is that people want to make more profit- they dont want to break even, theyre not trying to cover the cost of hosting and paying employees, they need an excess. it shouldnt be like this bc thats how we get the lower in quality, thats how we get this trying to appeal to third party money providers and not users and its always bad and more than that its just unnecessary. every art website that people love are the ones that remain stagnant because its reliable, people do not want continual updates to the ui of something they depend upon for posting and money. new experimental features esp on art websites are just.. useless unless theyre asked for and the garbage fed to us isnt what we asked for.

what makes a good art website? something you can post images, gifs, perhaps low quality videos on, have larger text posts for pinning and smaller text posts for status updates. id say an important feature is a gallery and featured page- profile customization is also important, at the very least have icons, text around a username, descriptions, and headers.

can you tell im thinking of deviantart? i think deviantart is the premium art website and i am so sad everyone left at eclipse- honestly not even that sad at eclipse. it was bad, it was broken, deviantart now has a fuck ton of little holes in it where pages just dont load right, ill get on the fucking new notification page and user profile later, but the way that, in the old days, it had huge spanning galleries, and it had “post type” search too! and it was annoying at the time, we hated this, trying to pick what kind of art your posts were, but it helped make searching for specific posts so much easier (now trying to find gifs on my old accs without it is impossible..). thumbs were good easy ways for ppl to spread content meant to be spread while immediately linking to the actual post- it stopped people from reposting art or using html linking the image itself without a hyperlink to take back to the post and credit, because the thumb was immediately easy to use and way easier than working around it. there was so much... community. like ok from 14-16 i was harassed hard fucking core by adults on deviantart because i was an annoying whiny kid that used dA as my support platform, because from 11-14 it really was! everyone was nice to me- my art was hot dog shit, but i dont think i EVER got a comment calling it bad. i got a LOT of comments telling me that it was good, and i really did believe that! being a preteen drawing dogs online and getting genuine support, often from other artists of my ilk but not uncommonly by artists who were immediately visually BETTER than me really really helped me get to where i am now- i never doubted myself because i was surrounded by people who were so happy to draw just like me, and people loved to see everyone elses work and characters- the joy for characters and stories is really what propelled popularity even when my art wasnt good enough to uphold this. i remember seeing a post a long time ago mentioning that like... sites like dA remained bc they werent just for visual artists which is a great point too- it hosted lurkers really well, artists were really friendly to people who commented on their stuff even if they didnt post anything, im p sure it did fairly well for people who wrote a lot of content, i know some people got popular just because they commissioned people a lot, not bc they drew anything but bc their characters and name got popular.

i miss the old dA notification page, it was SO GOOODDD the folders for where you could store old notifications, the way it was so perfectly set up to maintain a bunch of different notifications all categorized by type, the way that they took note to stop posts that were submitted in multiple groups from appearing again and again in your notifs, the birthday warnings, it was just.. so sweet! page customization too- it was just so fun finding cute little things to put on your page, and so versatile and useful too because you could get like, boundary or commission status or language stamps on there! and like, when i was 14 i had recoded my page a few times over myself, it got me interested in html coding! and now its all gone- for what? because the sleek look is modern, and modern things get more money from investors, and the platforms dont appeal to users anymore, they appeal to investors, because they want more money- they need more money. its a hole they dug for themselves, kind of- i feel like people down the line hosting THEM want more money and so it dominos.

i loved points too, ik people thought they were useless and the worth was hard for ppl to get but $1=100 points was SO GOOD like i know buying points w usd incures a fee and so ur not getting 2000 points if you spend $20 but trading between people for a lesser fee was SO FUN i got banned for doing this a few times LMAO but it really brings a community together. it encourages younger ppl without paypal to try and do commission artwork without breaking the law, and it wasnt as if points were WORTHLESS, because i know i traded usd for them!

and like, everyones like.. twitter is better. twitter is chock full of algorithm nonesense, theres ads between every post, video audio doesnt really work right (if you click on a video on mobile it just decides you will hear every video you pass now. which will be in between every normal post in the form of a fucking ad), images get compressed to hell and ive never heard any information as to how to avoid this, gifs turn into bad videos, you still cant post multiple gifs (i think youre supposed to but well it doesnt fucking work!), just fucking try and host pixel art on here, theres on way to say long form things to people easily- “use threads” real talk, as a user, if i see a thread i do not click it, its too much work if not offered to me. i am 1 person and i represent hundreds who see your tweets. if you scroll down onto any featured popular post you will see nsfw or violent bigotry. i used to report every bit of bigotry i saw and got fast reception, near immediate banning- since owner turn over, a post disparagingly saying faggot has not been responded to in the past 48 hours. the community is fucking insane and i cant blame them, its how twitter is built- there is no separation between official posts and casual posts, like on deviantart wher ethere was differences between journals and statuses- everything youd post as a status that would have gone under the radar is a big proper real post, every comment you make is a big real post as well, it forces a lot of passing commentary to the forefront of peoples attention which of course incurs drama. and ofc its an ALGORITHM BASED PLATFORM which means it REWARDS RECEPTION, inlcuding NEGATIVE- any of your posts that you intended to have as private and only for your 5 followers if it gets enough traction gets blown out of proportion and every single other user will see it only as the post itself, as a big number post which means its open for ridicule. i feel like it was host to more psyops than dA ever was? dA had a bunch of trolls but never any govt psyops like that drug minor one

anyways new art platforms dont work out bc they dont have enough people or draw- if you just are allowing people to post images and text posts, even if you have better page customization id just use twitter because despite its cons it has the major pro of, you know, having people using it- if you make a new art platform every week, theres no real point to pursue any of them, id just wait and see which one flourished- and because i dont participate, they dont get clicks, they dont continue to grow, and they ALL die. anyways moderation is impossible in the way people like- i know everyone wants to believe their niche discourse is clean cut and actually go to show deeper oppression but moderators on websites do not care- discourse is ever evolving and so heated that they cannot afford to throw out a guess and likely no one ever explains themselves, just say This ideology is something or other. and we all want it to be so simple that everyone has the Right opinion on pro/antiship, or fetishes, or terfisms, or mogai, but i promise no matter how easy it seems to you there are thousands who violently refuse and will make up their own buzzwords about how their side is right and the other is something or other. like aside from banning slurs or cruelty they really cannot do much and likely would not ban people who have a special word in their description that you and you alone recognize as a dogwhistle for x ideology. this is the problem i know a few art websites had where they had to say clearly what they would and wouldnt allow and NO ONE was happy. also to revisit that point on hosting a lot of people, an art website that is JUST an art website is like.. its not going to get community or that response i mention from other ppl. if i get on a website just to post art, why would i comment on anyone elses?

and like, dA i know it has like front page or new algorithm which spotlights a LOT of fetish content, but honestly like. you just have to accept that theres going to be fetish content, its an art website, if you want new unseen artists spotlighted you have to acccept that in the fallout of that theres going to be fetish content.

so uhmmm theres nowhere to go and nothing to do. get your asses back on dA eclipse was glitchy and sucked and showed dA didnt respect user opinion but it has not been that bad. its functional at the very least and its only ever dysfunctional because YOU all left. i cant get reception not bc dA is broken but because theres no one left to see it

[straighttohellbuddy]

you make me hate this city {Dream}

Summary: They/Them. A series of moments. Any publicity is good publicity, right? Well accidentally falling into beef with arguably the most popular Minecraft streamer in recent memory certainly keeps you relevant. But as time goes on, you realise more and more that staying relevant isn't the most important thing in the world.

A/N: 3009 words. i gotta stop adding 'i dont know what this is' to my authors notes but also i don't know what this is. i was listening to Happier Than Ever, but also OverHeated has better vibes for this fic. im actually incredibly happy with this one, like deadass a fan of my own wording lmfao. please let me know what you think. also i wrote this on my phone and welcome to 3.30am ive lost all control of my life.

Warnings: choking imagery but nothing actually serious.

Citrus Scale: 🧡 ORANGE 🧡

You blew up by accident, but isn't that the way it always seems to go these days?

---

"Wait, who? Dream, no I don't know who that is," you laugh dismissively, "contrary to popular belief, I don't know every online personality in Florida; it's a big place... why would I know a Minecraft youtuber? That's the kind of content that gets millions of subscribers on YouTube now? I thought we moved passed that."

In hindsight, it was kind of a shitty thing to say, and despite the fact that you'd been thinking of what you knew of the gaming community in the past few years, it still came off as arrogant. Usually you weren't one to portray yourself as arrogant online, you'd come to be known as something of a Zeitgeist of online society, your mind had been elsewhere at the time. You didn't know Dream, didn't realise he was much bigger than you'd been assuming, at least not until you'd woken up to his reply on twitter.

It had been deleted before you'd even properly seen it, probably only minutes after he'd posted it, but there were screenshots aplenty.

[incredibly bold words coming from a tiktok influencer 🙄🤡]

Your notifications were a bloodbath.

---

Despite your private apology, acknowledging what you'd said was out of line considering your own line of work, and his apology in response, admitting that he should have known better considering how rabid he knew his fans could get, there appears to be some hostility between the two of you. Publicly, that is.

It was all for show, though that was just between the two of you. The peanut gallery that was your audience paid good money for a fight like this, not that you'd ever voice that thought out loud. Considering how far apart your demographics were, and the size of your respective audiences, the way you two would interact kept you both relevant. Whether they were intrigued about the person antagonising their 'fav', or looking to clown on them, you both got a nice boost in numbers for each scathing interaction you'd shared online.

The people you had aligned yourself with socially ate it up too.

But something about their approval left a sour taste in the back of your mouth.

---

"It feels disingenuous," you huffed over a call with Dream, right after he'd posted a new Manhunt video to his main channel, "its a good video," you grumble.

"So don't send the tweet," he yawned, "or do; don't not tweet it if it's for my sake, I know you actually like my videos thats all that matters."

You press your lips together but hit send on [imagine posting essentially the same video 8 times,,, couldn't be me].

"You know I do actually think you're creative, right?" You tried to assure him.

"I know," and his voice is fond.

---

The city is fucking suffocating you and everyone's watching.

You feel like you'll be publicly hung for being genuine; getting famous on TikTok of all platforms has always felt a bit like that to you, but it didn't start getting constricting until all you want is to love and support creators outside of your bubble, outside of your shared demographic. The heat of early Summer is in your lungs, is choking you from the inside out.

And there have been times where you've considered running, considered never logging in again, driving until you're at a gas station two states over and gasping for air in a town where the people don't recognise you. You could stay there, if you really wanted, you could live in quiet obscurity if your heart really desired it. But it's its own kind of disingenuous.

[what if i drive until my wheels give out and then just stay there forever?]

[do you want company?] His answering text surprises you, and suddenly you can feel your heart beating in your throat. You ask if he's serious. He tells you he needs to get out of the city for a bit, even a few hours.

There's too many eyes in the city. On the road there's just his.

He's in your passenger seat and you're in your head wondering if this a fever dream, a mirage from the steadily growing summer heat. Maybe if you look directly at him, he'll disappear, so you don't, just incase. He opens the window, breeze catching in his fingers.

Out of the corner of your eye, you see him looking at you for a moment. Part of you wants to thank him for his company; this is the first time when you've wanted to run, when you've actually had a reason to come back. Don't think too hard about that.

You want to thank him for the company as there comes a lul in the conversation, but the wind rushing past you steals your nerve. You stay quiet, and turn up the radio.

The afternoon is growing late. Soon, you will head back. For him.

---

So you lay on his bed on your back, staring up at the ceiling, dead silent as you hear him talking and laughing with his friends as he streams. If you make a noise, your cover will be blown, you'll ruin this good thing, this ruse. The evening is sticky hot but the faint breeze is sweet. Looking over, you take a moment to admire his profile, aglow in the light of his monitor, beautiful in the warm haze of the night. Something twists in your gut, and you look away quickly, a little overwhelmed with the moment. So you stare at his bedroom ceiling, laying atop his covers, listening to him laugh, and you stay quiet.

---

He likes several tweets about the latest rumour about you; apparently you're an industry plant. No-one is quite sure which industry, but they're sure you're a plant. One of your stan accounts posts a screenshot of the tweets he likes, commenting [those in glass houses 🙄🙄] which you like. It's routine. It's a game. That night, the two of you spend an hour driving around as the sun sets, windows down and music blaring; your grip on the steering wheel is tight and his hand is on your thigh. You don't talk about what happens online. You don't talk about a lot of things. The light from the sunset is flattering for you both; people would say you're pretty together, picture perfect together, but no-one's allowed to know.

---

You attend parties, dressed to the nines, and you send him a photo from your bedroom before the night even begins. His response is sweet, but he doesn't dare interact when you post photos online a little while later.

[wish you were here] you send from the party as the fake laughter and constant camera flashes begin to grate on your nerves, [nothing feels real]. And after waiting a few minutes and getting no response, you put your phone back in your bag, plastering a grin on your face. Smile for the camera, its what you do best, it's how you got here.

When you feel your phone buzz, when you see he's simply offered an alternative, for you to come over and spend the rest of the night with him, you give your first genuine smile in hours. But someone catches it in the back of a photo, or perhaps a video on an Instagram story, maybe both, and everyone wants to know what had you smiling so brightly, why you'd made such a quick escape from the party after.

[only smile I've seen them give without dead shark eyes] Dream himself quote retweets someone's screenshot, and your lip curls in distaste at that. It's business, but it hits too close to home. You want to reassure him that he makes you happy, but it feels too honest, too raw. So you bite your tongue, keep quiet, give a snarky response online with your head in his lap.

---

"No I don't have thoughts about Mask -" your lip curls derisively. You've been listening to it on repeat. "What makes you think I spend my time thinking about Florida Man?" He'd think it was ironic, think it was amusing; you'd hear it before it had been released, sitting on the end of his bed, chin propped up on your hand as you beamed at him. He seemed pretty nonchalant as he'd asked you what you'd thought, but as you'd given a gentle, adoring sigh that spoke volumes on its own, you'd seen the way his posture had relaxed, the proud little smile he'd turned back to his monitor to hide.

"Everyone's a musician these days I guess," faced with the invasive reporter, you rolled your eyes.

---

The people you call friends because you know you should hide the way they look down on gaming, on streaming; it's good for clout, but it's not like it's a real job. Don't they get that none of your jobs are real? Influencers are the lucky, pretty few, famous for existing at right place at the right time. You didn't expect this. You didn't grow up wanting to be on display like you are now.

They think you'll join in on their scorn, and though you've got your public beef, of course, you're heart hasn't been in it for a long time.

"Its clown on clown violence," you'd muttered darkly, glowering into the frypan you'd been put in charge of. Sapnap, cutting vegetables beside you, sorts a laugh, and asks what your friends would say if they could see you now. Quiet now, you focus on the sizzling pan before you.

"They'd think you've been a bad influence on me," you murmur, expression scrunching up. Becoming friends with Sapnap was inevitable, and was amusing to the rest of the world; taking a liking to your perceived arch-enemy's best friend was a delightful twist of fate.

After a long moment of silence, with only the gentle cooking noises to fill the space between you, he tells you he likes you better offline. It might be one of the nicest things anyone's ever said to you.

---

Florida is better than LA, socially, but not by much. There's less influencers per capita. Small miracles.

The nights feel long here, but maybe there's too much on your mind for you to get to sleep. You post on your IG asking if anyone was awake and nearby. Predictably your DMs are flooded, but you're not sure what you're looking for, what you want. A few other sleepless friends respond, asking if you wanna meet up, make some impromptu content. Everything about you had become monetised, even your insomnia; everything tastes sour as you read through their messages.

But Dream texts you asking if you want to go for a drive. You don't even ask where, you just say yes.

You're in your pyjamas when he picks you up, but then again so is he, brightly patterned cotton shorts against the fancy leather seats. There's already music playing when you curl up in the front seat, some songs you recognise, some you don't, but it's enough to keep your thoughts at bay.

Streetlights glowing rose gold along the highway, you don't care where he's going. Even in the dark, when you turn to look at him, you can catch the serious, pensive look on his face.

You want to tell him you love him, but you can't open your mouth.

He drives up the coast in the dark, until the sky and sea begin to turn lilac beyond the windows. On a lookout near a town whose name you don't know, the two of you sit on the hood of his car and watch the sunrise. He's got his arm around you, resting his head against yours, and for a moment, you close your eyes.

"I wish I could tell people how happy you make me," your voice the thought that had been plaguing for months, and Dream holds you a little tighter. He turns, in that moment, and presses a fond smile against your temple, followed by a kiss.

After a moment, you pull out your phone, and quietly ask if you can take a photo of the two of you. He hesitates, but only for the barest moment.

"Who am I gonna send it to; Sapnap?" You asked, though the moment may be more revealing than you'd intended, as the realisation flashes through your mind that the two of them had somehow become your closest friends, and perhaps the only two friends you honest felt like you could trust.

But it's enough to convince Dream, whose smile is half hidden with the way he's resting his head against yours, the two of you warm and full of joy in the light of the sunrise. Something about the photo has your breath catching in your throat.

You make the photo your phone background. He doesn't comment, but when you glance to him, you can see how wide his smile is.

---

The change is gradual. Bit by bit you force yourself back to being the person you started out as, the person you were offline, the version of you that you actually liked. It's the return of authenticity, of doing the things you actually enjoyed instead of whatever was on trend.

You didn't go to parties if you didn't like the people. You stopped making content with the people you knew were just using you for clout. You let yourself find joy in the work you did.

The people who mattered in your life respected it, applauded it, encouraged it. It felt good to laugh on camera and mean it. The uptick in followers may be from how genuine you were now being with the content you made, but with each day, you found yourself caring less and less about the numbers. It was freeing.

---

"I love you."

He says it first, late at night, for no reason that you can see. You'd been in his kitchen, one earbud in and video pause as you were whisper-ranting about how Tommyinnit didn't deserve the shit he got online-

"- he's good kid, and damn funny too! If I hear someone shittalk him in real life, I don't know, I feel like I'd start biting people - or maybe I'm biased, or need sleep; what time is it? -"

"I love you," and he's giving you this adoring look that had the words dying in your throat as you process the moment. He's sitting on his kitchen counter, wearing your merch hoodie, looking like something out of a dream you'd once had. Then, softly, finally, you find your voice and the words you've been longing to say;

"I love you, too."

His smile grows a touch wider, a touch fonder.

And you wonder where it came from, somehow without seeing how long the moment had been coming.

---

You agree to be on podcasts because the concept intrigues you, and happily and candidly admit that your shift in branding, in tone, in vibe if you will, was down to one thing; love.

And yes, finding someone was the catalyst, but it was realising that you didn't even like who you'd become that had been the driving force behind the change. You wanted to be able to love the content you created. You wanted to be able to love the version of yourself you put out into the world.

But the only thing the audience cares about, of course, is the revelation that you're in love.

---

[has enough time passed? am i allowed to admit publicly that i simp for @dream]

"Babe!" Comes shouted from the next room over less than thirty seconds after you post your tweet. The comes your boyfriend, practically tackling you, grinning from ear to ear as he bemoans how there's no way he can respond to that without giving anything away. You're cackling with delight at his dilemma, before pointing out that unless it was spelled out, no-one would be able to guess at the truth.

In the end, he quote tweets your post with [on your enemies-to-lovers arc i see].

---

There's an afternoon where you fall asleep on his sofa wearing one of his merch hoodies, one of his personal ones, oversized even on him, that had been tossed to the side but still clean enough for your liking. He'd been trying to get a cute and not-blurry photo of Patches in some of the new pet-merch, but she wasn't interested, clearly, preferring to trot out to you, curling up, radiating purrs by your stomach as you napped.

The photo he takes doesn't have your face in frame, but if anyone looked hard enough they could probably make an educated guess as to who was in the photo. There's something so soft about it, about how Patches was blinking happily at the camera as her little paws came to rest on your arm, warm and comfortable in the afternoon light.

"Patches, my beloved," you mumble groggily as you crack an eye open. It takes you half a moment to take in the scene, but you seem content to brush off her apparent favouritism by telling him that the hoodie smells like him. Your half asleep mind meant it to be an explanation for the cat's behaviour, but as you close your eyes again, you miss the way he goes vaguely pink and endeared, as you bury yourself further into the hoodie as best you can.

When you wake properly, you give your blessing for him to post it to Instagram. But the thing that catches you off guard is that he's made it his lock screen.

---

"Accidentally shittalking you might be the best thing I ever did," you murmur, tracing his features, illuminated by the moonlight streaming through the window. He laughs, and your fingers follow the curve of his cheek. Like this, he is beautiful, and he is yours.

You want to tell him you love him, so you do.

[ash-mars207]

~~MONKEYS TESTIES~~

((18+ smut))

jschlatts monkey balls statue x male reader. yeah. this was written as a joke but i spent way to much time on it so..

(dont show this to schlatt)

If you have any ideas to add or spelling corrections please comments. I genuinely can not spell for the life of me.

warnings: contains smut, gun play, cussing, mlmonkey, it’s literally monkey statue x reader. the title itself if a warning.

i did refere to jschlatt as ‘Jay’ because nicknames n shit. (it’s annoying to type out jschlatt everytime.) so if someone knows hes uncomfortable with it please tell me and ill fix it.

some backround: you and schlatt have been friends since before lunch club. like fresh out of highschool friends. you both went to college and when he was getting good money from twitch you tried it out. starting as his editor (you still do some of the editing). you both hit it off and both dropped out to make videos. so your a guest on OTKs new video with schlatt when he finally shows monkey.

Word count: 3238

((I had to turn on my auto caps for this. At least pretend to like it.))

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/NS POV:

He was serious.. Schlatt was genuinely serious. When he told me he was gonna buy the monkey statue i thought he was kidding. I should have known. It is Schlatt after all.

“Hes a beaut aint he.”

“Schlatt what the hell. Your in debt and this is what you buy??”

“Eh. If harvard really wanted my money they would have sued me by now.”

“Thats not a good thing-“

“Anyways! We have a video to record so say your goodbyes to dick dong.”

“You fucking named it??”

As Schlatt walks out and to the office you take one last look at the ape. He looks like hes looking at you. And for some weird reason your just attracted to those big carved bronze eyes.

“Uh.. Bye monkey..”

The video was going pretty good. We had a bunch of fun little bits. Schlatt kept bringing up the damn monkey. The fucking monkey and his big golden balls. I wonder how nice it would feel to sit on them- YN WTF. NO. ITS A STATUE.

“Y/N!!!”

“Huh? What. What did i miss.”

“You good kid? You spaced out there. Should probably stop drinking the fireball.”

Of course i take another shot because fuck him (jokingly (we stan j man here)) and i can not let myself think these thoughts sober.

“Yeah yeah im fine.” Im not. “Just spacin out. Im good. What were we talking about?”

“Dick dong-“

“NOT THE FUCKING MONKEY- SCHLATT DONT- SIT YOUR ASS BACK DOWN- and hes gone.”

As im waiting for him to come back from god knows where i scroll on my phone while talking to camera man, whos name i forgot but feel to bad to ask, about what ever. And of course we both stop as we hear wheels rolling towards the room- he has the monkey..

“GUYS I GOT KING DICK DONG.”

Please let this video be over soon.

*small time skip*

For the rest of the video we talk about other things, keep coming back to the monkey, the gun gets into the bit, we wrestle or some shit idk. The camera man name is apparently Jermey had to go out and fix one of the cameras battery or something. But every once in a while i keep looking at that damned monkey.. I mean look at it. Its nice craft mens ship (i cant spell). As an artist myself, its nice. The bronze is so detailed and the gold is so. So shiny. Its nice to look at. Does Schlatt polish them? I would. They look soft.

“Y/n. Dude you sure your alright?”

“OH! Yeah im fine. Just a bit out of it. Ill be fine.”

“Hm.. Im gonna go get you some meds alright? Just stay here.”

Great. What i need right now is to be left alone in an office that i dont know.. whatever.

As im playing on my phone i hear metal moving around. And.. is that pink smoke??? What the hell did jschlatt put in that liquor.

“I see you looking at me. I know you want me yn.”

As i turn to look at where the voice is coming from schlatt walks in with the meds.

“This should hold you over for a while. God you got even whiter/paler while i was out. What did the pope come to life or something??”

“Uh.. no. No im good. Just a headache.” I have to force myself to look at schlatt and to stop looking around. What the hells gotten into me.

“Then lets get this shit over with.”

While recording the rest of the video i cant help but feel a pair of eyes on me the whole time. I try to ignore it while we finish the video. Once we finished we just chilled for a bit and talked about new video ideas and when we should hang out, with out the cameras. You know. Bro shit.

“Well i gotta get back to Jambo. Probably eatting more fucking magnets. Little shits gonna run me broke.” As schlatt stands up and walks towards the door he stops and turns to look at me. “You comin with?”

“In a bit. Im gonna start working on editing. I’ll meat you back at the house for dinner.”

“Alright. Don’t stay to long.”

As he walks out i turn to work on the computer. Putting my earbuds in i keep one out just in case. After about an hour or two i hear some type if metal being thrown around behind me an.. whos there.

THIRD PERSON POV:

While y/n was focusing on the computer, music blasting threw his earbuds, something was almost transforming behind him. He didnt notice it until he heard a bang coming from behind him. Being startled, he takes his earbuds out and turn to see a shadow of a freakishly large man in a cloud of pink smoke.

“Whos there!”

Y/n screams while jumping up for his own gun schlatt made him get for the bits. Aiming for the huge shadow.

“I see the way you look at me y/n. Thinking those dirty thought.”

The man speaks in a deep rock n roll voice. ‘Theres no way thats Jay. His voice isnt that deep.. Nor is he that. Big. Is this thing even human??’ Y/n asks himself while squinting to see the black figure.

“Who the fuck are you.”

“Wow. You really dont recognize me? You would thing you would know me after the hours of looking at me.”

‘What in the hell.’ As y/n cocks the gun the mysterious man leaps over the couch like nothing. Pushing the hand with the gun up, setting off a bullet in the process. Leaning in and kissing y/n.

Slowly yn loosens there grip on the gun while Dicky slides his hand up his wrist to take the gun out of the humans hand.

The shorter male pulls away to look at the taller male. (And i mean tall. Mans like 7 something. Your up to his chest and your like 6’3 cause i said so)

“Who.. who are you.”

While trying to connect the dots he spots the empty table that Schlatt rolled Dicky in on. Glancing down he sees that the balls do in fact glow a nice golden color. Dicky slowly smirking while watching yn connect the dots. Laughing a bit watching as the small man infront of him looks back up with his eyes widened.

“Dicky. How did you-“

“Dont worry about it. Just live those nasty fantasies of yours.”

Without skipping a second yn does what hes told and smashing his lips woth Dickys. Of course yn thought about how fucked this is. I mean its a monkey statue but. Human? Ish. He still has his tail and ears but damn.

As yns hands travel to lay on his soft, hairy chest Dickys hand grip his small hips tightly, leaving the other with the gun resting on his hip bone, making yn moan. Dicky takes this opportunity to shove his tongue into yns mouth. Exploring every single bit.

The bigger male pulled away letting them both breath, rubbing yns hips with his thumb.

“Fuck- you taste so fucking good darling.”

As Dicky murmured into yns ear, he starts kissing down his neck onto his collarbone. Yn started unraveling at the feeling, moving his hands up into Dickys hair. Slightly pulling every time he hit a sweet spot. Yn whimpers as the brunette pulled away to look into yns e/c eyes. “So beautiful.”

The beast reaches his hand to place on yns gentel skin. Yn leaning into the touch. Knowing how wrong this must be, yn cant help but feel so. Safe.

*click* “Now get on your knees for me darling.”

“What?”

Yn can feel the tip of the guns barrel press against his temple. And even though he should feel frightened, he still feels just as safe as he did before.

“Yes sir~”

Yn slowly gets on his knees while sliding his hands down Dicky causing him to grunt. Once yn is on his knees he looks up into the eyes of a lust struck mad man. Knowing what he needs to do next he waits for Dicky to demand it.

“Cmon sweetheart. You know what to do.”

“Do I?” Yn asks, trying to get his monkey lover riled up.

He grabs yns hair, pushing the gun into his temple even more. “Don't play with me brat.”

Yn knew he was in for it now. Slowly opening his mouth, he cups his hand on Dickys smooth glowing gold balls. Starting to message them while licking his tip. Dicky, with little to no patience, pushes his huge dick into yns mouth with a moan. Holding him there just for a moment before he lets go and let's yn take over. Almost.

Dicky still has the gun placed by his side facing the h/c man at his waist. Other hand sat on top of his head in case yn needed any more assistance. Slightly trusting into yns deep throat every now and then.

“God that feels perfect.”

Throwing his head back Dicky let out a moan. Yn started playing with his balls once again, speeding up. Before he could send Dicky over the edge, Dicky gripped his h/c pulling him off with a soft pop.

“Stand.” He demands. Yn listened of course.

Dicky starts kissing him once more with much more pasion while moving them over to the couch. Ripping off yns shirt, pushing him onto the couch only breaking contact for a moment. He reaches down to undo yns belt, button, and zipper. Palming him with only the cloth of his boxers in the way. “Ff- oh shit-“ yn became a moaning mess, Dicky moving to his chest/neck area. Playing with yns nipples, he rips off his pants leaving him in just his boxers. Looking back up to yn for consent to continue, yn nods, feeling his dick only get harder by the second.

“Shit- what if someone comes in-“

Before yn can voice his worries Dicky genuinely shoves the guns barrel into his mouth to keep him quiet.

“Then I guess you'll just have to be quiet.”

Dicky slowly inserting his finger into yn to prepare him, making let out small muffled moans. Seeing how easy the first finger slipped in, he added the second rather quickly.

Yn was falling apart underneath the bigger man. Nothing but clouds filled his mind untill he felt Dickys fingers being removed from him core, whining as he now felt empty.

“Quiet. Don't want anyone to hear you now do we.”

Yn nods as Dicky pounds his dick into yns entrance causing yn to let out a scream. Holding in that position to let yn adjust, he starts leaving little kisses over his neck. Removing the gun from yns mouth just to replace it with his lips. They stay there passionately kissing one another until Dicky starts moving his hips ever so slightly.

“Mmh.” Yn moans into the kiss throwing his arms around the bronze colored man, slightly digging his nails into his shoulders.

“Faster. Please.” He whispers into the kiss. Dicky pulls away to look into his e/c eyes.

“Wanna say that again darlin?”

“please dicky. Please just fuck me.”

As if on cue, Dicky starts slamming into his smaller lover. Yn starts almost screaming, clawing down Dickys large back, holding back screams as much as he can.

“FUCK RIGHT THERE!”

He howls right when Dicky finds his prostate. Abusing it to its fullest.

“Im- m close.” Yn manages to get out between moans. He lets go of Dicky with one arm to cover his mouth in an attempt to muffle his orgasm. Dicky, who already placed the gun to the side, grabs yns thin/thick wrists and holds them both above his head.

“I wanna hear those beautiful sounds baby.”

After a few more thrusts yn lets loose and cums over both his and Dickys chiseled stomach. Dicky continues chasing his own orgasm. Releasing inside of yn.

They both sit there catching there breaths before Dicky pulls away to look at his work,

“What a work of art.”

Yn chuckles, “Says you.”

As yn starts to get up to clean up the monkey man grabs his hips, placing him on his lap.

“Where not done here beautiful.”

“Dicky, I need to get home. Schlatts gonna start to worry.”

“He can wait. He's had you all day. It's my turn to play with you.” Dicky nibbles on yns neck once more. Yn places his hands on Dickys broad shoulders. Leaning his head back, letting out a soft moan. “One more round. Then I gotta go.” He kisses Dickys temple.

“That's my boy~”

Dicky grabs at yns hips and slowly lines his entrance to his tip. Kissing his neck.

“Mh- no. No its my turn to control.” “Is that so?” Dicky, calling his bluff, pushes into him even more to shut him up. “You fUck-“

Yn grabs the hairy man's hair, tugging at it. Causing Dicky to scream out of pure shock. Dicky picks the gun back up, pointing it at yns temple.

“Wanna try that shit again?” He growls out, trying to gain his dominance back.

“I fuckin dare you.” Yn states, gripping tighter to his curly locks. He starts lifting himself off Dickys dick just to slam back down. Slowly thrusting and grinding on his dick.

“God that feels so good-“ Dicky whines out gripping the guns handle and yns thigh for support. Yn wraps his free arm around the beasts shoulder, hiding his face into the crook of his neck. With his other hand he slides it up into Dickys hair even more. Tugging everytime he hit the perfect spot. Dicky, chasing an orgams, starts bucking into yn abusing his prostate.

“Damn it- fuck right there~” yn lets out quite moans into Dickys ear driving him other the edge.

“Just like that baby~ dont change a thing. Fuck im close~” Dicky announces. Yn only being able to let out moans and soft screams. His head full of lust and maybe even love.

Dicky once again throws the gun to the side. Tosing his arms around yn holding him close, almost bruising his ribs. His thrusting picks up. Yn lets go off the bigger males hair and thrown his other arm around his neck, digging his nails into his shoulders. With just a few more aggressive thrusts they both release almost at the same time.

Dicky softens his hold on yn to let his ride out his high. Slowly coming to a stop with. They both look into eachothers eyes. Sharing a quick but pasonint kiss. Yn melts into his chest, both hands sliding down to his cum covers abdomen.

“You doin alright there darlin?” Dicky plays with yns hair while rubbing his back. Kissing his forehead.

“M alright.. just need a moment.”

And so they sat there for a few minutes before yns phone started to ring. “Fuckin-.”

Reaching over to answer the call “hello?”

“Yn buddy! Where you at? Its been like three hours man.”

“Shit. Sorry. Ive been workin on the video.” Yn look to Dicky with a small smile while the other male has a huge grin on his face.

“Damnz better be a good bideo then. You need to get home though. Its late and youve got that recording with swagger and them in the morning.”

“Oh yeah i forgot about that one. Yeah im on my way.”

“Oh and jambo ate your papers.”

“WHAT?!”

“BYE-“ He hangs up before he can even finish his own sentence. “What was that about?” Dicky asks lookin down at a pissed yn.

“Schlatt. His dumbass cat ate my work.”

“Damn. You gonna be alright??” Dicky looking worried.

“Yeah? It's just a paper or two. If anything the cats in more trouble then I am. It's not anything important anyway . I keep those away. I do have to get home though.”

“Do you have to??”

Dicky holds yn toghter to keep him from leaving.

“Dicky. If i stay hes gonna start askin questions. And hes annoying when he does so ive gotta go. Ill be back soon dont worry.” Yn kisses Dicky before he gets off and cleans off with the jacket he brought. Getting dresses in his pants and shirt, makin his way to the door.

“Ill see you tomorrow Dicky,” blowing a kiss twoards the ape man. Waving goodbye and closing the door behind him.

Dicky sighs slowly getting off the couch to go clean up. He fixes the room back up and walks to his place of the moving cart schlatt brought him in on. Taking a glance at the pope cutoutin the corner he turned to face away from the couch earlier that day.

“Don't look at me like that.”

WITH YN:

What.. what did.. am i high? No.

Monkey man was real. That was real. I know it was. My ass still fuckin hirts from it. But how in the hell did that- i mean he was a human.! What the hell was in that wiskey..

As I walk in to the door of me and jschlatts shared house seeing jschlatt on the groups playing with jambo.

“So.. how's your head?”

“Haven't gotten any complaints yet.”

“..what.”

“Uh. Good. I'm good. Just gonna relax.”

“Alright whore. I made food so that's in the fridge when you want it.” Bullshit.

“..what did you order?”

“. Chinese..”

I walk to the fridge opening the door to see the food still in the bag. Definitely homemade. Placing it in the microwave, I head over to flop on the couch. Jschlatt crawling onto the couch next to me, Jambo following right behind.

“Wanna watch a movie??” Jschlatt asks while grabin the remote and looking through netflix.

“Do I have a choice?”

“Nah.” Hearin the microwave i go grab it and sit back down. Jschlatts got some action movie on. Hitting his hand away when he tries to grab at my food.

“Fuck off. You already had your dinner.”

“Rude ass bitch.”

As he goes to grab a snack I can't help but to think back to Dicky and what we did. What the fuck am i going to do.

I wanna sincerely apologize- if you’ve read this far then uh.. theres a book two in process. And im sorry for your mental health. And just because i thought yall should know, i wrote moth of this in class so your welcome.

[solomonish]

Dork Solomon Agenda

You say sexy shady sorcerer I say nerd and love of my life

Solomon is a sad lonely little man why just wants a genuine connection us that so much to ask???

No but seriously like. It's totally fine if you hc Solomon as this man-turned-lowkey-sex-god with a million succubi and more at his whim whenever he wants and would be a tough one to put the ol' ball and chain on like to each their own for sure! But that's not MY hc

(Thats not to say my hc means he doesn't ever engage in casual sex like that and wanting a genuine long term relationship at some point [or finding out thats what you want when you meet someone] are not mutually exclusive yknow)

So like Solomon isn't the type to be short with you or keep you at an arm's length (i mean...u get what I mean. Once you're close enough and all that jazz) or get annoyed by you wanting to be affectionate?? Hello??

He LOVES the little things you do (some on accident tbh). You feeling affectionate today and give him a kiss or three on his face before you leave to go to your separate classes? Adorable, he's fallen in love again. You do that thing where you like.. forget how to walk straight and just accidentally bump into him? No come back he likes being close to you :( He doesn't SAY these things but there's a light, airy laugh he has that gives him away.

If you're ever facetiming he will say "boo!" when you connect instead of just. Greeting you like a normal person.

His fuckin. His devilgram name is monSOLO. My mans is a star wars fan!!! I dont know any of The Discourse bc I'm not super into star wars myself but he has IN DEPTH opinions about the movies. Seriously rivals Levi in this aspect. Please make time for movie nights where you watch the movies together 🥺 especially if you haven't seen them before he'd love to convert you 🥺

Didn't Solomon also have a thing for TSL??? Or am I just imagining it??

I feel like his ideal date would be exploring something new, whether its this new spooky forest or "hey have we been down this alley before? Let's check it out!" but ideal date number TWO is movie night. Even if it isn't Star Wars. He likes to sit on opposite ends of the couch throwing popcorn into each other's mouths (and big candies like peanut m&ms where you both have almost choked before) and maybe a footsie war if he's feeling real devious. Then at some point you grab a blanket and snuggle up to him and you both fall asleep on the couch

Simeon yells at him when you leave because there's popcorn EVERYWHERE

LOVES when you laugh super loud. Idk man he just thinks its great when you have such unbridled joy and then he laughs too 😊 not as loud though he's more of a quiet chuckle kind of guy (most of the time).

Is friends with Asmo so is extremely great at slumber party gossip. Catch him in his pajamas, cross-legged on the floor while clutching a pillow to his chest and listening intently to you rant about the brothers.

"Come here I have a secret to tell you" (blows air in your ear) "okay okay I'm sorry but come here again" (blows air on your neck) "okay okay last time! I actually have something to tell you. Please? Its important...." (kisses ur cheek) "like u a lil bit xo"

Never the type to send "good morning beautiful" or "good night 💞" texts. Instead he'll send you something at 4 am like "the infinite cosmos will eventually swallow whole all familiarity and life as it is now presently known and despite the adaptations humans or demons or angels could make i will still have to adapt and face the world as an alien in the realm I love so dearly. Funny how the strongest of beings bow to the whim of space and time. But sometimes my eternal journey doesn't seem so daunting when I realize that with my everlasting life will be the memory of you no matter how distant and the survival of the vessel you loved...."

And then at lunch that day when the brothers pull you away he'll send you a picture of the lasagna they're serving with "this kinda looks like you? Don't worry I'd still hit it" and then two minutes later "you not the pasta"

Is the type to think randomly "oh damn I love you so much" but has an impressive filter about it. Or he thinks he does until Luke grumbles "ugh get a room thats the fifth time you've seen that since monday" ok, sometimes he has a good filter about it

He can't help it! Sometimes you just say something really smart (or something SPECTACULARLY dumb) or you do something cute like lean on him or smile a specific way or-

Sir.....you're head over heels sir :/

The type who would go to a playground at night with you and just swing on the swings talking about life

Wants to have a secret handshake with you!!

If you're ever on a road trip with just the two of you, you can get him to join in on the terrible singing but he'll be a lot quieter than you

Also will only join in if he isn't driving. If he is and you aren't talking, he's just humming underneath his breath. Will drum on the steering wheel though

Cooking

(Yes, it gets its own section because MAYBE I'm obsessed with the idea of MC teaching Solomon to cook and the food still turning out terrible but at least it isn't a void when MC is helping)

The type to flick water at you every time he washes his hands. Will chase you down just to do it.

"Hey, tilt your head back and open your mouth MC" (proceeds to dump too big a handful of shredded cheese in your mouth)

100% the type to lean over you just to hinder your cooking abilities. Who cares if the sauce splashes he's tiiiired.... you'd let belphie do it :(

Puts a hand on your lower back when he passes behind you. Hopes you'll lean into it/step back and offer him a kiss 🥺

Believes in always having a proper table setting. Prepare for whatever juice they have (or water) in wine glasses if you're having a nice-er meal

Under the assumption that a spell ruined his sense of taste (and not that he's just bad at cooking) he hates spicy food. He can feel the burn but he gets none of the flavor??? Wack. Don't hurt him like that MC. If you do because its hilarious to watch him try to be cool about it he will pout

Gets cheesy aprons. He just likes them.

Will hit you on the top of your head with a whisk to hear the noise it makes

Will buy every kitchen hack tool there is. A ketchup dispenser that looks like a gun? He's got it. A fish that helps you squeeze out the egg yolks? Yes! A dinosaur soup ladle? You bet! Pizza scissors? A tool that makes hard boiled eggs into cubes? Something that's gotta be like 200 years old and no discernable purpose? Absolutely! He wants a hot dog toaster. Do they even have hot dogs in the devildom?

Will sneak bites just because it bothers you

Overall

Look at him. He hasn't had friends in centuries. He's playful!

Look at his DEVILGRAM NAME

His funky little WAND

This is a man who is a huge nerd, thrives off of cliches and just wants to have a good time. So let him! Its mentally exhausting having those pretenses up all the time.

[genoc1d3r]

my turn to cry - thoughts on 3-1b

ok this has actually gotta be my favorite chapter cause holy shit so much stuff happened.

I played the Alice/kanna route and afterwards I watched a vod with the reko/shin route in which ranmaru and naomichi died before the banquet, so BIG SPOILER WARNING FOR BOTH ROUTES

Mafia Princess Sara??: Ok so first off, back in the beginning of 2020, I had a theory that Sara was a mafia heiress and that the death game was supposed to be something to “prepare” her. And that her memories were wiped or she was initially supposed to be kept blind to this whole thing (In 3-1a when everybody saw the consent form for the very first time everybody felt a sense of deja vu, except for Sara. Because why would they need her consent when she is the sole focus of the game and it’s all for her) This theory was mainly supplied by my confusion surrounding the hiring of Kai, cause why would mr Chidouin hire a former assassin to protect her?? How did he even know Kai??? But yeah, the whole thing with Shinobu Gokujo and deciding a new don through a death game just adds a lil more validity to this theory.

Sara’s real father: I also had a mini theory that Gashu Satou was her real father, but that was mostly cause of their hair color and how it would def make Sara’s hair color make more sense genetics-wise (but kai has black hair, so its most likely that his mother had black hair, which would also disprove this mini-theory but yk im not here to prove it just talk about it). And that Gashu knew of Mr. Chidouin and gave Sara to him, and it would also explain why mr Chidouin chose Kai of all people to look after her and why Kai could only watch her from a distance, in case she realized the truth that he was her brother/half-brother or something. 

GREENBLINGS CANON AAAAAAAA: I love this, I love this so much oh my god. Now I can replay and cry after 2-2 cause nankidai hates us :’). I dont have an issue with this specifically, I’m just a bit bothered by how the whole thing went. There was some buildup yea, and the cg with kanna, kugie, and shin was amazing. And that lil bit about nice hallucinations made me tear up a bit. But, then everybody kinda just moved on? and idk this whole chapter was a fuckign roller coaster I could barely keep up.

Autistic Gin <3: I’m autistic myself and I have seen many characters who are autistic-coded or exhibit many signs of autism but have never been straight up confirmed (Ex: Vera Misham from Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney). And even then, these characters usually share similar personality traits like being aloof and reserved. So it’s nice to see that Gin is representing autism in a relatively realistic manner with his hyperfixations, vocal tics, and issues with socializing. Even after nearly dying like 17 times he’s still doing well and I genuinely wish for his survival and happiness.

Ranmaru’s death: Both of Ranmaru’s deaths, (if you or if you don’t fail the electricity absorption minigame) the death feels so... off? I was really attached to him as a character, yet his death didn’t impact as much as Joe’s or Nao’s did. During his Banquet death, one second he had his really cute smiling sprite but then whoops oh no guys weird drill screw thing kills him (again). I still can barely comprehend it because it all just happened so fast. Like no cg or anything. I was honestly kinda disappointed. The “delayed” one does a better job at his death scene, but again, it was wayyy too quick and completely dismissed as everybody just moves on to defeat Maple 2.0. I at least would’ve appreciated a better transition than Midori just saying “well anyways–”

 Ranmaru’s extremely quick descent into madness in the shin route: I actually liked this idea of Ranmaru willing to go to such extremes for Sara. However, theres barely time for any of this to develop? Like again, everything just happens so fast??? I would've definitely liked if there were little hints around before the body discovery that ranmaru was gonna do something like this, just a little time for development would really be cool.

Mr. Policeman/Mr. Tazuna???: After I finished, I actually looked on the wiki to see if it said anything about his son that he mentioned and I found this: 

But yeah thats cool

The thing about Q-taro: I’m gonna say it now, I’ve liked Q-taro ever since the aftermath of 1-2, and Q-taro haters have added absolutely nothing to this fandom. Everybody saw him as a child-hater, I see him as a guy who’ll do anything to survive and succeed. I mean that wish is kinda what got him into the death game. And yeah he did try to leave that one time, but that’s what getting thrown into traumatic killing games does for you, most people don’t want to die, they want to live, no matter what it takes. We can’t all be the main character and choose to cooperate with everybody and be the “good” person in that situation. Even Sara has those extremely selfish moments and those intrusive thoughts of winning and leaving. 

This whole thing should also be applied to Ranmaru. Ranmaru has gone through so much shit in such a brief amount of time, to the point where he was considering to/actually kill people to escape with the one person he trusted in this hellhole. In that situation, Sara’s kinda at fault here, cause without Joe she’s lost her sense of morality which resulted in her becoming selfish and well... honestly kinda toxic. This emotional manipulation is really what set Ranmaru off, however it was 100% his decision to fucking kill somebody and murder’s bad. Still love him though.

But back to Qtaro, I really enjoyed the extra substance given to him in this chapter, it’s nice to see the development from being selfish to feeling deep remorse to protecting the dolls of the first trial victims, most notably Mai. As he completely forgives her for stabbing him. The chapter did a great job at fueling my already intense love for Q-taro (and it actually convinced my best friend who claims to hate Q-taro with every bone of her body to like him too!) I also love the father-son dynamic between him and Gin. I find this relationship to be really important cause Gin’s father is an abusive alcoholic and Q-taro’s an orphan who’s never had a proper role-model in his life. So it’s beautiful that despite not having anybody there for him when he was younger he can still be a good figure for another child.

Predictions/hopes for the next part: 

I just want to see whether Shin already knew about Kanna being his sister, and if he doesn’t I want a reveal. Right. Now.

A Ranmaru/Joe/Q-taro/Kai/ “Hinako” revival, p l e a se  they died so soon

More info about the people involved in the Hades Incident/Shinobu Gokujo

More info regarding Meister

Sara going on Maury

Who tf is “Hinako”????

I really hope that there isn't any specific good/bad ending. Like I want every ending to be equally bad and good yk? like equal consequences and good stuff.

Yo wtf happened to Sara’s mom?? Is she gonna come back and play a more important role in the story?? Are her parents gonna come back as floor masters???

I want things to actually change  depending on whether you picked Alice or reko, cause so far they’ve played extremely minor roles.

[yunhostinyuyu]

marks

pairing: bad boy!san x fem reader

genre: college au, suggestive, almost smut

wc: 3.1k

synopsis: Y/N swore herself to never get involved with people like Choi San: the typical fuckboy. She hated him (or she at least made herself believe she did) but thats the exact reason that drew him towards her...

warnings: teasing, making out, mentions of sex, alcohol and drugs

—

„look at who we have here? Y/N doing her dirty laundry, never thought I’d witness that.“

you were hunched on your floor with baskets of freshly washed clothes all around the floor. Whipping your head to the door of your dorm‘s bathroom, and you immediately regret it. The cheeky comment came from no other than Choi San - Resident fuck boy and unfortunately, your roommates best friend. He is the type of guy your parents would warn you from. The type to play with a girl until he’s satisfied and dips right after.

The type of you you would never want to get involved with in any sort of way.

But, since he hangs around your dorm frequently and you share a few classes and lectures, that was not easy. Crashing on the couch you bought with your roommate bought together when you moved in, more often than you’d like. Throwing certain looks at you when you entered the lecture halls or passed by him when he was chatting and smoking with his friends off campus. Never letting you breathe for a single moment, he enjoyed teasing you. Needless to say you hated his guts for many things, and he just added more reasons to your imaginary list with every passing day you saw him around campus.

Meanwhile, you’re lifestyle was the complete opposite of his, being the well mannered and friendly classmate, the typical nice girl everyone thought you were - and what your parents wanted you to be. Of course, you were not always like that, especially around your friends. With them you could act the way you truly are, and that was anything but the front you put on most of the time. But San made you drop any sort of friendliness to curse at him every chance you got. And right now was no different:

“Fuck off Choi. Wooyoung isn’t here, so leave.” you spat while not paying anymore attention to him, instead going back to the task at hand.

Taking a few steps towards you, inspecting the room as if he had seen it for the first time, and paying close attention of you putting clothes out of the washing machine. His eyes paying close attention to your hands that move in fluid motions.

“I know, but he’ll be here any second.” Trailing off, and you decided to not even answer him - he isn’t worth your time or nerves right now, after all he just wanted to get under your skin and rile you up. And the less you talk, the better.

He hums to himself, as he bends down to pick up one black, lacy pair of undergarments, inspecting them closely. His thumbs grazing over the neat material, fingertips holding them up in the air. You don’t realize he took something from the basket to your left until he comments on them.

“Are these new? Must be, huh... your little ass would look sooo cute in them. Are you gonna wear them for me one day, Y/N?” his low voice echoed through the tiled room, and you are fast to react: snatching the pair of panties back, out of his grip and throwing it back into the basket. Scoffing, showing your stride at him without any hesitation. “In your dreams. Now, leave me alone. I’m not gonna repeat myself, Choi.” Your features twist as you grow more and more annoyed with him.

“Oh don’t worry,” he backed up a few steps, but the cocky grin stayed on his lips, “with that attitude I’ll most certainly dream of it.”

You heard the door twist, which could only mean that Wooyoung was finally here to save you from any further suggestive comments. Considering you couldn’t stand anything more that was about to leave his mouth.

Admittedly, San has his reputation for a reason: him being one of the most handsome guys you have ever laid your eyes on. And if he wasn’t such an asshole, there would be a possibility you’d be interested in him. And yes, if the stigma that your parents had embroidered into your brain, that ‘sex is bad’ and to stay ‘pure’ until you’re married. If you could push that out of your mind for good, you would be maybe like San. Maybe, you’d even be with him... but god forbid he would ever find out you thought of him like that, especially when you had one of your moments, late at night. If he would know about your honest thoughts, he would use it to his advantage. He wouldn’t give in until he got his way with you - in his very own way.

“San-ah! Come on, we gotta go!” your roommate screams and prompts the visitor to get going quick.

“Too bad, guess I’ll see you around, Y/N. Maybe one day my dreams will become reality nonetheless.” He turns on his heels and dashes towards his friend. The repeating sound of the lock falling into place made you sigh out loudly, pressing your forehead against the cold material of the washing machine you’re still sitting in front of.

Incidents like these are not new and you have already gotten used to San having zero shame when it came to anything even remotely personal or sexual. He knew how he comes across, which only scores him more and more girls to take home and to make his body count grow rapidly. But until now, it hasn’t worked with you, and he’s trying time and time again to wrap you around his finger. Without success.

And you planned to keep it this way.

–

“I hate you for dragging me here.” you groaned after you kept chewing on the rim of your red cup. The girl on your right ignored your comment and kept scanning the crowd.

It was unbelievable, but yes: you were stuck on a frat party... again. Your cousin Mijung needed to meet a guy she was planning on hooking up with, and you lost a bet, so you had to go with her. In secret, she was still scared to go by herself and you wanted to help her - regardless of that you hated parties like this. Obviously, you hoped that she wouldn’t leave your side too soon, but at the same time it only meant you could get home earlier, which was a win in your books.

„Sure you do. But I don’t care right now, because you owe it to me. You could let loose for once and also get some good di-“

„No, I’m not, and you know I can’t!“ you cut Mijung off and she lifts her hands up in defeat.

She just scoffs while scanning the place for faces she might recognize. “Yes, yes I know. God forbid your parents ever find out your at a party like this, or even have sex. But they have nothing to worry about.” Thinking to yourself that they really do not need to worry, but deep inside you wanted to do all these things that you got restricted from. Forcefully restricted yourself from, and the longer you thought about it, you wanted to go against it. Date and sleep with guys as you please, live a little. But still, something unknown was holding you back from it.

“You know it’s not just that but also-“ you started explaining yourself for the nth time in your life, but now she cut you off and hopped off her barstool. The man she was waiting for finally appeared and she left with him after they exchanged a quick peck as a greeting. Being uncomfortable with the scene, you fumbled with your phone in order not to look awkward or out of place - but that’s exactly what you were. And on top of that, you were alone.

You held your phone tightly in your grip, watching over the intense crowd, people on people and the sight made you nauseous, especially when you locked eyes with someone that was kissing or grinding on each other. You wanted to be able to do those sorts of things, but at the same time it scared you, almost disgusted you. But the sting of alcohol in your cup that you barely drank made everything worse. The situation altogether was just too much for you.

“Now look at that, am I high or is the notorious Y/N at our place?”

You cursed to yourself when you recognized his voice.

“Fuck off, Choi.” was the first and only thing that you could think of while still scrolling mindlessly through your apps to appear busy.

He slides into the seat Mijung left empty just a few minutes ago. “Now, you know that doesn’t affect me. I just wanna talk a bit. I’m not feeling getting hammered tonight if I’m being honest.” He started a conversation and you forced yourself to look at him. He looked too good to be true with his messy hair and black shirt and jeans. But you ignored his visuals in order to give him a strict look.

“And what do you wanna talk about? We never talk. And I’m not gonna be here for much longer anyways.” You explained and San rose and eyebrow at your comment. “Oh? So we’re do you plan on going?”

You didn’t know, since Mijung was left so early, you haven’t given it any thought other than going back home, even if it was too early to leave, but yet dark outside.

“Home. To my dorm. I hate places like this.” You looked away, and he noticed your discomfort. The atmosphere was really awkward between the two of you. As a result you turned slightly away from him.

He sighs, “You know, we can go somewhere quiet.” You adamantly shake your head at his suggestion, “no, I’m not going anywhere with you. You’re aware of your reputation and so am I. I’m not doing that.” you spat disheartinly, assuming it was another one of his attempts to get into your pants. But surprisingly, it wasn’t.

“No, you listen now,” he took hold of your arm and twisted you back to face him. “You’re uncomfortable here, I can see that. I’m taking you to my room. And not to get with you, but because I promised Wooyoung to take him home when he’s completely wasted tonight. I can take you home then alongside him.” he says and his brows furred a little.

Wooyoung was someone you trusted, so if he trusted San to take him home when he’s completely shitfaced, then maybe you could also trust him? All alarms went off in your head telling you he was anything but trustworthy. But as you looked into his eyes, there was something genuine about his offer. But after a few moments of thinking, you gave him the benefit of the doubt: you complied and nodded, “okay, but just because Woo trusts you.” But that was enough for him.

He got up and urged you to come after him, walking up the stairs until the loud noises from the other people steadily died down. After the two of you entered his room, your nervousness und sense of awkwardness disappeared again. Even if it was San, you were used to him, to his presence. And it was better then to be lost and alone downstairs.

“Make yourself feel at home.” He introduces you when he plops down at his bed, while you took a closer look around his personal space. There were plenty of books on his shelf, a flag hung up on the wall, and the desk was messy in books and other stuff he used frequently. To be honest, you imagined his room to be more messy, but it was just a kind of creative chaos.

The silence in his room was thick. He watched your movements closely for a while, but you tried to give him not much attention, even if you felt his stares linger on you. Minutes passed until he started to speak up again:

“Do you mind if I ask you something? I’m kinda curious, y’know.”

You turned around and look into his eyes, that are loosely hidden behind his dark strains of hair over his forehead. Arms pushed behind him on the bed to support his upper body, leaning back. You walk back a little until you sit down in a giant bean bag that was in the center of the small room. While you adjust yourself you look over to him once again, signaling him to continue talking. He sits up a little, leaning forward, elbows resting on his thighs.

“You know, any other girl would beg me to fuck them if they were in your spot. Why are you so determined to do anything but that?”

Taken aback, you knew San was bold, but you didn’t expect him to go there, especially not at this time, when he offered a hide out for you so considerably. Shrugging your shoulders you dip your chip to your chest and try to figure out a way to answer his question.

“I’m, uhm, I’m... it’s just not my thing.” You stutter out, and you are pretty sure you have an aura of uncertainty surrounding you. Of course, San picks up on it:

“Wait, not your thing? What kinda guy did you sleep with that make you think that way about sex? Or girl?” His facial expressions clearly confused, not yet understanding your reasoning.

You stayed silent. Because you couldn’t muster to say the truth: you haven’t. Yes, you were a still a virgin, in college. Nobody knew other than Mijung, not even any of your closest friends. And the fact that San was this close to discovering your secret, or probably already did, made you anxious.

“Mmh, I get it now. You never got laid. Not even once in your life. Am I Right?” He assumed and hit the nail right on the head. You wanted to cuss him out, hit and slap him, but that would only prove him right. The blush that crept on your face was answer enough for him. He stood up from his place on the bed to sit back down next to you on the floor. You couldn’t look at him, because of the pure humiliation he’s putting you through, trying to get swallowed by the fuzzy material of your seat.

“So that’s the reason you’re acting like this most of the time: you have never gotten any action together than with yourself. How am I only just now figuring this out?” He chuckles, having you in a spot were you couldn’t get out as easy as you’d like. Still not opting to speak, gnawing at the inside of your cheek instead, but you don’t need to anyway, because he continues to piece the evidence together.

“Wooyoung once mentioned you had strict parents, you know. Judging by how you act around your friends, I didn’t think you’d care about what they thought, no? You’re well past the age of being ‘daddy’s good girl’. And also by the way you throw shallow insults at me every time we are in the same room, I can tell you that you’re anything but the nice girl your parents want you to be. That’s not the real you. But Y/N, you know it’s your life? You can do whatever you want? If you want to take drugs, take them. If you want to smoke, smoke. If you want to get dicked down, then for fucks sake get some! You’re old enough to make your own decisions.”

Stunned by his rant, you scanned his face for any signs of emotions, but it was really hard to tell what was going on in his head. He sighs and dips his chin to the side, before finding your eyes again, taking your hand into his rough ones. The physical touch had a certain effect on you, and you wanted to be closer to him. Your future self your probably slap yourself in the face for this, but right now you got lost in his dark eyes and deep stare. Feeling vulnerable under the intensity of his gaze, not knowing what to do or say. Taking a quick breath, you uttered under your breath “where is this going, San?” Against all expectations, he smiles.

“Anything that happens here, between you and I, nobody else is gonna know about it. Not a single soul.” His hand slowly start to wander up your arm, touching the skin of your neck and threads his fingers through the strains of hair that rest on your shoulder. You don’t feel anything other than the alarms in the back of your mind slowly subside and be replaced by other thoughts.

“Just tell me no and I’ll stop.” His voice comes out raspy and seductive, and it sends waves of arousal down your core, even if the only physical contact you two had was from his wandering hands. The thought excited you, and he had a point: you could do whatever you wanted, and up until now, the consequences would keep you from giving into him. But there are no worries of the sort holding you back anymore, and if it was only for tonight, so be it. He was to strong, his effect was too strong.

His eyes never leave yours, until you give him an answer.

“Yes, okay. Yes I want it. I want you to show me what I’m missing out on.” You brace yourself for whats coming next, but nothing could prepare you for what he had in mind. He grabs your hips to lift you up, and in shock your arms fly to grab his shoulders. He settles you down in his lap, hands immediately find your ass and grips the flesh through your jeans. You both lean forward, hot breath mixing and hitting your faces. That was until San looses his patience just a few seconds later and presses his lips onto yours. And it wasn’t like anything you have ever felt before.

The two of you move in sync for what feels like ages, his tongue entering your mouth and taking the lead as he continues to grip your waist and butt to draw a few whimpers out of you. Your fingers found their place in his nape and gripped his hair as you busied your mouth with his. He breaks the kiss and moves down towards your neck and starts to suck on your skin, making marks blossom in shades of red and purple.

“If you want this to be a secret, you should make sure to cover up your marks later, because I’m not letting you go without adding my mark to your beautiful, beautiful body.”

Eyes blown out in lust, and you died in anticipation. He sucked more and more hickeys until he was satisfied with the finished product. He lifted his head up again and you wanted to kiss him again.

But then, you heard something hit the door from the outside, followed by a thud and a load groan. “San-ah! Let me in, I need to -“

—

[omegalomania]

I think tumblr ate my ask or it just didn't sent but what are your favorite Bastille songs / what are some songs you recommend?

i did NOT get this ask im very sorry anon.

it's genuinely hard for me to narrow down cause bastille is pretty up there in terms of favorite artists. i love all their shit, but a special mention goes out to their second studio album wild world since it's the one that made me a Fan

uh so here's a primer i guess i spent too much time on this lmao.

if you wanna listen to their big hits:

flaws - their first single in the uk. if you ever listened to ship playlists on 8tracks in like 2013-2015 then you've probably heard this song or a variant on it at some point.

pompeii - this is the song that really put them on the map and you definitely know it. it dominated the charts all over the place.

happier - the marshmello song that you've definitely heard before too. i think bastille wrote this for justin bieber or some shit but then decided they liked it too much to give it to him? lmao. anyway if you're not digging the version you hear on the radio all the time i recommend trying the stripped down version

good grief - their big hit off their second album. big in the uk, didn't really make as many waves elsewhere, but it's a really solid song anyway. one of those "upbeat tunes that's actually really fucking sad" ones

things we lost in the fire - another one off their first album. if you live in a wildfire area this might not be one to turn to. or maybe you'll find it cathartic idk i certainly do!!

quarter past midnight - a song about escapism, as was fitting when it was released in 2018 and equally fitting now. running away for a night of fucking around with friends, craving any kind of brief departure from the chaos of the modern world

skulls - this one was not a hit or a single and is technically a bonus track but i'm including it because once again if you ever clicked on a ship playlist on 8tracks in like 2013-2015 you've heard this one. and you know what that was justified this one is also good

if you wanna feel existentially depressed:

their whole discography. i mean i kid but i also don't. that's just kind of how bastille does it. BUT IN ALL SERIOUSNESS ones that hit me in particular would beeee

two evils - kind of a grim, haunting one introspecting about morality of the self.

oblivion - musing about the afterlife, love, and how time changes all of us.

those nights - contemplating what it is we seek when we plunge into reckless escapism, and the inherent loneliness of it; how even when surrounded by people there's still the pressure of the world outside, continuously coming to pieces

the draw - this one was written about the pull of pursuing a career in music vs. staying home with family and friends. in a broader sense, it can apply to a lot of things. i always felt it resonated with feelings of paranoia and displacement

winter of our youth - discusses childhood, nostalgia, and regret. if it feels like everything's slipping away, is it easier to relive the past, especially if the past is tinted rose?

sleepsong - loneliness, desperation, and the cyclical, abyss-like nature of all it encapsulates

if you want discussion of serious topics:

final hour - a bonus track off their second album that also became a bonus track off their third album? anyway this song talks about climate change and gun control. happy stuff

doom days - this one talks about, uh, everything! doomscrolling, political divides, escalating national tensions, climate change again, etc.

the currents - a song centered on political rhetoric and the power that figureheads have over the masses, the way they can orchestrate hate. basically it's not so subtly aimed at donald trump lmao, dan's literally sung it as much in a few live settings

WHAT YOU GONNA DO??? - social media addiction and the way capitalism and corporate interests have annexed our online experiences, fighting desperately for our attention as they seek to monetize every available aspect of our lives

four walls (the ballad of perry smith) - well this one is about uh. perry smith. who was charged with the death penalty for killing 4 people in the late 50's. but it's less directly about him and more a discussion of the morality of the death penalty and capital punishment

snakes - burgeoning anxieties and the impulse to turn to easy outs, like ignorance or alcoholism, to escape the world's global problems

if you want some pop culture sprinkled on top:

icarus - greek mythology. i like this one because it addresses something that i feel isn't addressed enough in discussions of this myth, which is that icarus is a very young lad. less about the pride of the fall, and more about the inherent tragedy of that.

laura palmer - the whole song is a david lynch shoutout. i've never seen twin peaks myself but the song still slaps.

daniel in the den - christian mythology. discusses the biblical tale of daniel in the lion's den and links that up to themes of betrayal and family.

poet - this one's a double feature, referencing both william shakespeare's sonnet 18 and edmund spencer's sonnet 75. also one of my favorites.

send them off! - this is another one of my favorites of theirs. it's also been described by dan as "othello meets the exorcist" and it very much delivers there

if you want something uplifting:

joy - while bastille (understandably) has a bit of reputation as a band that makes sad music about sad things, they've definitely got some happier songs in their catalogue. pun intended cha ching. this one's one of their more straightforwardly happy tunes

survivin' - this was a song they wrote while they were touring and then felt weird about releasing once the panini hit because it felt a bit on the nose. they ended up releasing it anyway and i am so glad they did cause it's a mood

act of kindness - the "happy" part here is debatable but i'm gonna include it anyway. it’s when someone does something nice for you and that impulse Changes you way down deep you know???

warmth - one of those "the world's going to shit but at least we have each other" kinds of tunes

the anchor - one of those "the world's going to shit but you're the one fucking thing that's still keeping me here" kinds of tunes

give me the future - their latest single as of this writing and one of the more optimistic tracks in their catalogue imo! it's yearning, but it's also with a genuine hope for the future.

and LASTLY. because im going to take every chance i can to plug this band. im going to throw some collabs and covers at you because there's one thing this band does SUPER well and it's collabs and covers.

of the night - this is the big one. it mashes up rhythm of the night by corona and rhythm is a dancer by SNAP! and it's so good they still do this one live and it goes off every time.

no angels - a mashup of "no scrubs" by TLC and "angels" by the xx, poured into a strangely mournful tune with clips from the hitchcock movie psycho. doesn't sound like it should work but it does. kinda really does.

torn apart - with GRADES and lizzo no less!!! it's got two parts but they're both excellent listen to them both

weapon - collab with angel haze, dan priddy, and F*U*G*Z and one of my absolute favorites

remains - remix of their song "skulls" but featuring rag'n'bone man and skunk anansie that adds an entire new dimension to the song, really fucking excellent

old town road mashup - lil nas x's old town road meets lizzo's good as hell meets radiohead's talk show host meets talking heads' road to nowhere meets the osmond's crazy horse. "what the fuck that shouldn't work" i KNOW and yet here it is!! BLATANTLY BANGING!!!

we can't stop - one of the few times dan smith subtly changes the lyrics of the song he's covering (most of the time he opts to keep the original pronouns and the like, which is very nice to see). anyway this one mixes miley cyrus's we can't stop with eminem's lose yourself and billy ray cyrus's achy breaky heart. and also the lion king's i just can't wait to be king is there. yes i know it sounds batshit especially because the whole thing is surprisingly melodic and heartfelt and you know what it works.

anyone but me x nightmares - mashing up joy crookes' anyone but me with easy life's nightmares and absolutely one of my favorites.

bad guy mashup - how many songs can they include with the word "bad" in the title? we've got bad guy (billie eilish), bad decisions (bastille), bad romance (lady gaga), and bad blood (taylor swift). bastille even has a song called bad blood and they didnt use it. they used taylor swift's version. also the distinctive guitar riff from dick dale's misirlou is there.

somebody mashup - how many songs can they include with the word "some" in the title? someone like you (adele), somebody told me (the killers), somebody to love (queen), use somebody (kings of leon), and someone you loved (lewis capaldi). seriously these guys take mashups to a new level.

final song - this is a cover of MØ's final song. it also adds in craig david's 7 days and, impossibly enough, europe's final countdown. how does it work. how.

ALL RIGHT. THATS ALL IVE GOT IN ME. HOPE THIS HELPED ANON AND IM SORRY IF THIS IS TOO MUCH