#but because we're refusing to use common sense

[hel7l7]

Are you anti self-dx entirely?

To be honest... I don't know. There's so much nuance to make on the entire subject...

And everything I say about this feels wrong. I just hope everyone is careful with it all.

( Edit: half of the tags on this got deleted bcs apparently there's a max tags you can add... anyway enjoy the ramble if there are any more questions please ask them bcs I do not want misunderstandings or anything ;))

[bijoumikhawal]

got reminded of the "saying Arabs conquered and colonized North Africa is Zionist because obviously no one saying that coulx possibly draw a distinction between North African Arabs and Palestinian Arabs, and even drawing a distinction between Arabs and Imazighen is colonizer shit" school of thought

[mako-island-moon-pool]

Why am I flipping tf out over my roommate going into my room when I wasn't home and leaving a package on my bed it's literally not a big deal and they were trying to be helpful but I am shaking right now I should be happy I got my new favorite shirt but I'm so angry

[quasi-normalcy]

I know that this is the "Turning social problems into matters of individual virtue" website, but here's one change that you can make to yourself as an individual that I honestly think will have beneficial collective effects:

Stop Thinking You're Better Than Other People.

Do I mean that you should go through life thinking that you're the lowliest and most wretched scum who's ever lived? No. I mean that there exists no meaningful criterion by which one human being can be said to be absolutely 'better' than another. And even if there was, you don't know enough about other people's circumstances and interior thoughts to meaningfully judge them in these absolute terms. So don't even try! It's a futile endeavour.

"But what about fascists? Surely I'm better than them!"

Okay, so let me preface this by saying that fascists are dangerous, they're misguided, their acts and intentions are evil, and they need to be stopped, including through physical violence. But you're not better than them. I know that this is a difficult pill to swallow; I myself used to pat myself used to pat myself on the back because, well, at least I wouldn't have been a Nazi. But you know what? If the circumstances were right, I could have been. We all could have been, just as we all could have joined a cult at some point.

Looking at myself, for example: there was never any serious possibility that I could have been swept up into the alt-right movement. Why? Because I'm transgender, and I was raised to be a socialist. How easy it is to *not* become a fascist when you're one of their scapegoats! How much harder it would be to avoid if you're one of the people they flatter and groom, if you're raised by people who are sympathetic to fascist ideals, if you grow up in a community where such ideals are common! The fact that fascist movements can seemingly emerge amongst every nation and people--including those who have historically been victims of fascism--confirms this. What if I had lived a hundred years later, at a time when transgenderism was a complete non-issue, and they'd moved on to some new scapegoat? What if they had approached me on my absolute worst day and told me that all of my problems were caused by moochers and parasites, and that I could fight back and claim my birth right by joining them? Can I really say that I wouldn't? Can anyone?

But even beyond that, what is a fascist but the ultimate example of someone who needs to feel superior to others? What is scapegoating but the act of selecting an entire group of people and declaring them to be inferior to you? And if you just refuse to believe these things; if you refuse to accept the premise that some people are better than others, and call it out whenever it comes up; then you're cutting these movements off at knees! The ideological force of fascism comes from imagining humanity as a strict hierarchy, with the master race on top and the degenerates on the bottom. Simply refuse to believe in such a hierarchy! Refuse to even entertain it!

"But then how can I feel self-esteem? How can I feel that I matter and have value?"

You have value just by existing as a person! But if that's not enough for you, then try this: instead of trying to increase your sense of self-worth by finding people to feel superior to, increase it by being of value to others. Help them! Make their lives better! Contribute to society! Not even in a way that you can (necessarily) put a dollar value on, but in any way you can! Create art! Plant a pollinator garden! Tell a joke! Make someone happy! If nothing else, you can at least give someone love, and I guarantee you that that will be of value to them. The universe is so vast and we're all so small that any value we can ever have will only ever be to each other. And surely it beats spending your life trying to be king of the microbes.

[queersatanic]

Hello !!! 💖 I'm a young satanist trying to figure out how to properly worship and live the lifestyle, but with all the Nazism and such that satanism is infected with, I'm a bit lost as to where to turn for good information that's not gonna accidentally get me on board with ideas that have nasty shit hidden in the shadows of them. Are there any good books/organizations I can look into or just some general tips? <3

We have a certain perspective on this, so bear that in mind.

What is attractive about Satanism as a concept is not really the "might is right" ideology of Anton LaVey and its worship of social stratification, and it's not The Satanic Temple's pyramid-shaped classical liberalism / Gen X trolling.

Rather, it's taking the idea that even if the story of Christian mythology were true, Satan is still the hero for looking at an omnipotent tyrant and that tyrant's proposed immutable hierarchy for the universe but choosing to rebel and grant people agency over their own lives.

And it's the idea that if the Christians say we are demonic or of the devil's party for being queer or seeking the common good of all people, well, then we're with the devil and down to party.

For that reason, anarchism is more central to Satanism than wearing black or lighting candles, even though the aesthetics are what distinguish it from other strains.

From that, Errico Malatesta is a good place to start because he wrote for a long time and focused on pamphlet-style works that could make sense to a typical person, rather than academics.

Malatesta is easy to read, and still relevant in lots of ways because he lived through so much and lived his ideals (famously, for example, refusing to talk to the cops after he was shot by a fellow anarchist over an ideological dispute).

"The ABCs of Anarchism" by Alexander Berkman is also a good introductory work for establishing fundamental values and why.

You also can listen to that one as an audio book over at Audible Anarchist.

Note that both of those are straight white men, and the "mainstream" of anarchism has often had a problem of failing to recognize or live by principles of opposing all hierarchies, including white supremacy and cishetero-patriarchy. The fact that anarchist Becky Edelsohn "dated" Berkman when she was 16 and he 36 (and that this was supported by Berkman's previous partner Emma Goldman) is one example of this. Mikhail Bakunin gave us one of the best quotes of all time regarding anarcho-satanism ("But here steps in Satan, the eternal rebel, the first freethinker and the emancipator of worlds"); Bakunin was also a racist.

Other people can give better advice and examples, but Indigenous Anarchism, Black Anarchism, Anarkata, Queer Anarchism, and Anarcha-Feminism are all areas that a person needs to put work into in order to undo the kyriarchy — the whole structure of interconnected systems of oppression we're indoctrinated into and subjected to.

"But what does that have to do with Satanism?" Mainly it's to help you spot when something you come across is engaging in the sort of hierarchical, fascistic, or even neo-Nazi ideas that LaVeyan Satanism and its offshoots have always had connected with them. They're not always obvious, and having good principles established is the best immunization and antidote to being exposed to new ideas with euphemisms and shibboleths you can't be expected to be prepared for.

You also can come up with your own rituals and ideas. For example, the Satanic Flame Ritual we have is not due to access to some secret knowledge but it helps externalize and objectivize an internal, subjective, emotional process. Things like candles and flames or altars are best seen in that light.

Anyway, hopefully that helps. It's not that you should never read something like The Satanic Bible or other esoteric works to get ideas. It is that Satanism is the exact opposite of place to look for good ideology or consistency, so you want to start somewhere else for that (we say anarchism) and then look to Satanism and other Satanists for aesthetics and inspiration for rituals that you can modify and integrate into your life in ways that best serve you.

[bonefall]

You mentioned that each Clan's dogwhistles sound and look a little different-- would you be willing to elaborate/give some examples?

WindClan

NEVER talks openly about their beliefs and is the best example of Thistle Law doublespeak. Tigerstar and Brokenstar are unpopular for obvious reasons, and the Clan as a whole leans towards Soft Traditionalism. On one side of their mouth, they'll talk about how they won Heatherstar's Campaign and how they rightfully conquered that land, but then turn around and frame the turn of the war as ShadowClan's underhanded snakery (in Clanmew it's literally "adderness").

"Fear" is a lot more common in their rhetoric. Fear of outsiders diluting their Clan, fear of wasting time and prey, fear of having things taken and stolen. The WindClan Massacre is invoked a LOT, because it's useful for making cats too emotional to think straight.

Here, we'll walk through BB!Mudclaw as an example. I'm going to mark every weasel word with an asterisk, let's see if you can figure out what's weird with it before the end.

Mudclaw speaks to Tallstar, claiming that the trading with BloodClan is opening up WindClan to being betrayed. "Scourge turned* on Tigerstar in the end, how can he be trusted now*? There was bounty for a while, but leafbare is coming* and we already* have so many mouths to feed. Snapper and Leo* arrived and now we're having troubles with the humans*. I'm just worried, I never want to lose so many Clanmates ever again*."

Scourge was acting in self defense

The trading is part of filling the deal that Tigerstar did not intend to honor

Starvation rhetoric

Sudden pivot to exclusionary language, Us vs Them

Refusal to use new names

Implying it's their fault

Massacre allusion

ShadowClan

Much more openly violent. A LOT of talk of glory, you could use these guys as a social case study. Crusades, winning the war with WindClan, the beauty of TigerClan, re-framing Ripplestar not as someone who wanted to help SkyClan but as a simple conqueror. They have lots of moments to invoke from their Great History.

The cost of that violence is downplayed. Like the Snowtuft example, they won't bring up the mother and children he slaughtered, just boast about their glorious ancestors fighting in the Crusades. They won't mention how they ripped kittens out of their nests, just how they bolstered ShadowClan's numbers. They'll frame the WindClan massacre as a final battle they triumphed over, leaving out how they ambushed and poisoned elders and apprentices.

RiverClan

"Glory talk" is downplayed in RiverClan, probably because they didn't actually take part in the Crusades. Instead, they focus on negative traits of mixed-blood cats (which they made up), accuse other Clans of being underhanded, and demand to be "heard."

And what THAT means is that they want to be able to derail any conversation they want. Interruptions of clanwide discussions, dismissing critique of Tigerstar and co, intentionally saying things that are divisive to cause fighting. They will prevent ANYTHING from being done unless it's the thing THEY want to happen.

I actually write Thistle Law supporters in RiverClan to be like... incredibly annoying. They don't say what they mean, they bring the Clan to a screeching halt, they literally dismiss the lesson of TigerClan. You cannot pin them down, they never admit to anything, you will only waste your time talking to them.

They also act on their bigotry in ways that are 'deniable'. Reedwhisker fell into the water? Must have been his thick ThunderClan blood pooling in his paws. A RiverClan cat should be able to pull themselves out. Of course you're listened to, Mistyfoot, you're deputy after all, what more do you want? Gaslighting. Making you doubt your own senses towards your unfair treatment.

ThunderClan

A sort of 'mix' of ShadowClan and WindClan tactics. ThunderClan is THE Fire Alone Clan, you could count the Thistle Law supporters and the Hard Traditionalists on one hand, but has a battle-centric history they tend to tap into.

Listen for "glory," talk about 'avoiding humiliation,' starvation rhetoric. ThunderClan has an absolute bounty with their forested territory, that last one is almost always code for wanting to exclude or eliminate people like Daisy and Purdy.

When Thornclaw became deputy under Bramblestar, he was very, very careful about his escalations, and mostly focused on manipulating Bramble himself. He was VERY aware that the Clan wouldn't take another Mixed Clan Meeting like the stunt he pulled in TNP.

Even the impostor in TBC overplayed his hand, the rebellion was born out of ThunderClan itself.

[royisrandom]

Just a Misunderstanding

Davy Jones x Reader

Short Summary:

Davy Jones notices how you have started to ignore him for the past couple of days. Curious as to why, he attempts to question you and figure out what's made you so grim.

-------------------------------------------------------

These past couple of days, Davy Jones had been watching you with high amounts of confusion. He noticed the only person he spent a lot of time with on the Flying Dutchman had grown increasingly distant. He didn't consider you a friend, but you were definitely getting there. It wasn't common for Davy Jones to know anyone that he considered anything more than an enemy.

You havn't said a word to him in days and you had been avoiding him like the plague; even avoiding his gaze and refusing to give him a passing glance. Something was off and he knew it, but he couldn't quite put his finger on what it was.

He watched as your posture became more slouched, and your work became more sluggish. You always seemed to be 'out of it'; almost like no emotion has touched your features in decades.

After debating on whether or not to try to talk to you, Jones finally decided that he needed some answers.

As you were heading to the sleeping quarters, you were immediately called out by your captain, Davy Jones. Out of the corner of your eye you saw him standing at the stairway leading up to the helm. You didn't even have to look him in the eyes to know that his eyes were focused on your every move.

"What's going on here? Why are you avoiding me?" He slowly walks up to your shaking form. There's a hint of confusion in his eyes, right behind the infamous look of determination.

You continued to look away, trying not to make eye contact with him. Your shoulders were slumped slightly and you spoke in a soft voice.

"I thought you were mad at me..." Your voice trembled, revealing just how much this situation had been weighing on you.

Davy Jones let out a small chuckle and took a step closer to you. You were taken aback by his laugh, thinking that you have just made the worst decision of your life by saying you thought he was mad. You wanted to move, but your body was frozen, like time stopped around you. A shiver went down your spine as you awaited for what he was about to do...

"No," he said firmly, shaking his head slightly for emphasis, "I'm not mad at you y/n."

You were slightly shocked by this response. Was he actually telling the truth? You hadn't expected such an open and honest answer from someone as cruel as Davy Jones.

"But... I dropped the main sheet cable. I messed everyone else up... they..." You felt tears prick the sides of your eyes, remembering that horrid day. You felt horrible for what you did. Everyone's job was interrupted because you couldn't hold onto a rope...

Seeing you like this didn't resonate well with Davy Jones. He's used to seeing your charismatic and joyful attitude, which ultimately surprised him given you were on the Dutchman. This ship wasn't a place for the kind-hearted, but you found the little good that it had left.

"Aye, you did cause an inconvenience for the rest of the crew... But you did not mean it, did you?"

You look up at Davy Jones, shaking your head 'no'. You really didn't mean to be a burden. Almost like he knew what you were thinking, sensing your guilt, he continued to speak to try to ease the tension in the air.

"You are fine, y/n. It was an accident, is all. Just make sure you don't let your mind wander next time. "

You could sense a form of demand as he said those last words. Not enough to frighten you, but enough to keep you in line.

You looked up at Davy with an expression that was both relieved and confused. You were relieved that Davy wasn't mad, but it was unlike him to act this way. Even with the confusion, you didn't complain. You we're getting the better side of Davy, one that most people never see.

Davy Jones gave you an understanding look and stepped closer. He noticed how you started to slowly inch backwards with every step he took.

"It's all right," Davy said as nicely as he could. "You don't have to be scared of me y/n."

'He really is good at reading people, isn't he?' You thought.

You nodded slowly in acknowledgement. Feeling more relaxed than you had before, you take in a breath that you didn't know you were holding.

You looked up into Davy's eyes then smiled sheepishly; realizing how silly your worries were.

Davy gave a small smile back, then placed one arm around your shoulder, pulling you into a side embrace; not one of those awkward ones, but one filled with comfort and understanding.

You two stayed in the embrace for a few moments longer until finally letting each other go again. It felt nice to know that everything was alright between you two.

All you can think about now is how your life would have been if he never brought up this situation, but you're glad you had this talk. Turns out big ol' Davy Jones he has a soft spot for you after all, even if he may deny it.

[ravencromwell]

Current Shades Of Magic question haunting me: was Maxim Maresh working a deal with the Danes to make something comparable to an Inheritor for Rhy? (And by "working", I mean: he thought he was being real savvy while the Danes lied through their teeth for years and kept the credulous arnesian king on a fish-hook while they figured out how to rip a hole through time and space.)We know Tieren flatly refused to help him make one, and that Makt is highly skilled in binding magic. And Maxim's entire White London dynamic, especially in Darker Shade, never made a bit of fucking sense to me. Take, as exhibit 1: "Holland delivered a letter yesterday," explained the king. "But couldn't stay to collect the response. I told him I would send it back with you. Kell frowned. "All is well, I hope," he said carefully. He rarely knew the contents of the royal messages he carried, but he could usually glean the tone—the correspondences with Grey London had devolved to mere formality, the cities having little in common, while the dialogue with White was constant and involved and left a furrow in the king's brow." In scrupulous fairness, Schwab does give us an explanation for the involved nature of the letters, saying that the Red Crown was haunted by its decision to seal the doors between Red and White; that they wanted to provide magical advice as a kind of recompense and reparations. But we're also provided a very plausible explanation for how Vitari helps Lila move through the worlds, which gets very undermined by Lila as Antari. And living in the midst of the most nakedly imperial power of our modern age, I'm incredulous at best and scoffingly dubious at worst. With some very! rare exceptions, large, prosperous countries give small struggling ones shit either to look good, or because they want something out of the exchange.

Was it being _haunted that made Maxim Maresh send twelve-year-old Kell into the middle of a very violent country? Or was it _knowing by that time that Rhy most likely wouldn't be manifesting any magic. Kell says to Vortalis that this will be the beginning of "re-opening relations". Which makes sense, seeing as Antari are a dying breed, and Arnes hasn't had one for a while and Makt for even longer. It's not Maxim's bad parenting in sending Kell to White so young that has my antennae raising, but the bad diplomacy. Maxim's Kell flaw, after all, is that he sees him more as a political and propaganda tool than a person. And he's letting him go to Makt at twelve? When Kell could die, and a large reason Faro and Vesk are in line right then is because they believe Kell is integral to Arnes strength. I don't believe Maxim Maresh, who had the political cool to immediately think of how Faro and Vesk would react and demand secrecy about Rhy's near-death in Conjuring while everyone else is in knots of grief and he must be pushing down his own feelings with herculean effort decided to resume communications to salve his conscience. It just doesn't fit with the rest of who he is as king.

But, as several people wonder when Tieren chastises Maxim over the Inheritor: what wouldn't a father do for his son? Put his other son in jeopardy, if he thought he could make an attractive enough offer to get a (probably) ruthless king of a ruthless people to make him something? It would certainly line up with what he does throughout the series.

Finally: Maxim is adamant that "The Danes will pay" before he learns they're dead. Except seriously? How, Maxim? You planning to send the Antari who they already used as a pawn back as a one man army? Because no one else is going through.

Maxim Maresh, for all his faults, is too good a soldier to send Kell into that battle. So, either he's just blowing off steam and the threat has no teeth, or the threat has vicious teeth. Because the Crown has been sending the Danes advice: maybe instructions on relatively—to Arnesian thinking—small elemental magics like minor water redirection that have become integral to Makt's irrigation under the Danes, or something else entirely. There are a million little ways the Crown could've been helping; the question is _why. Why, in Darker, did Maxim, a a busy man, concoct a thick response within a day and send his best weapon into a violent place _after _dark when it could have waited till morning. Feels to me like a man hurriedly running after something the Danes are always "close to finishing" and that he wants, very, very much.

[motherofplatypus]

In case you didn't know, Tomato Astrocat made another thread on his twitter (credits to @immaturityofthomasastruc for providing those who dont have twitter some news). And boy, this guy is a pathetic narcissist that could go toe to toe with Donald Trump.

TL;DR, basically he's not happy that people love the movie more than the show because the movie gave what the audience have been waiting for for 8 YEARS. And he goes on to basically saying "You're not in the industry! You dont know how it feels! You have no right to criticize!" and blabbity blablabla, yknow how it goes.

Look, we don't need to be in your shoes to understand that it sucks to be compared to someone else. We don't need to be in the industry to know that it's hard. We don't need to be told that it sucks to be criticized.

But you also need to know that fans can only be patient for so long. 8 years of nothing but status quo and devolving plot, and how you treat the fans and expect us to still praise you? Get a grip on reality, good lord.

And here's to quote one of his tweets that you can read from the link above: "The movie gave you what you 'want'. The show gave you what you 'need'."

And what exactly do we need from the show at this point, if not something that we've been wanting for 8 years? The quote made a good point if we're still in Season 3, but we're pass patience limit.

Look, tom, It's one thing to have several bad episodes, and it's okay. Fans will make fun of it and it'll be the meme of the fandom, and that's okay. You can have some plot holes or cringe moments, and that's okay. We will not drop a show for some mistakes, because we can still understand that you're trying to do your best for us, for the show you created.

But when you see your show as perfection and refuse to admit the mistakes it has, even to the point of attacking your own audience, you're killing your own show. When you had to say a girl is more irredeemable than a terrorist, you're killing your own show. When you're being on the offense towards anyone who have different opinion than you, you're killing your own show. When you attack your own audience for liking the movie because it did us justice in one and a half hours than your show ever did in 8 years, you're killing your own show.

You don't realize this, thomas, but you hate your audience more than you love your own show. I hoped for the characters to have common sense, but I hoped for you to be humble before getting humbled down.

[bbygirl-aemond]

what do you think of the theory that aemond is the biological father of helaena's children?

eep i don't want to alienate anyone who ships helaemond bc i'm not the type to hate on specific ships, but i think this theory relies on completely incorrect assumptions about aemond's character. aemond would have been far too young to father jaehaera and jaehaerys, and for him to father maelor would go against all of his demonstrated principles towards family, duty, and morality. let's get into more detail! csa cw going forward because all of these characters have sex for the first time when they are way too young for it to be okay, even in-universe.

okay so jaehaera and jaehaerys are six years old around the time of viserys's death. at this point in the books, aemond is nineteen; in the show, he's meant to be even younger, around eighteen. remember that a pregnancy lasts for nine months, and people don't usually conceive on the first try. so aemond would have had to conceive the twins when he was barely thirteen at most, and possibly as young as eleven or twelve. that's just so monumentally messed up. like he might not have even been capable of having children, that's how incredibly young we're talking.

additionally, aemond isn't shown to have the healthiest or most open relationship with sex. in the show, he mentions that aegon took him to a brothel when he was around thirteen (interesting that this would've occurred around when aegon had to conceive with helaena and as i've discussed here was probably going through a lot of shit internally). aemond seems upset to remember this, and doesn't speak of it fondly. so i don't think he would have exactly been jumping at the chance to have sex with helaena right around when he was molested. and again, even if he did, it would be assault because of how young and undeveloped his baby brain was.

lastly, and this applies for maelor too since i know y'all will point out that aemond was older by the time he was born, aemond would never interfere with aegon and helaena's marriage. i think a ton of people have really misconstrued his words to aegon about helaena when they were both children. let's look specifically at what he says in episode seven:

aegon: we have nothing in common. aemond: she's our sister. aegon: you marry her, then. aemond: i would do my duty, if mother had only betrothed us.

i know that little "only" in the last line made a lot of people think he has the hots for helaena. but i think it's important to put it in context of his relationship with aegon and what's come before that line. this isn't aemond professing love for helaena; it's aemond trying to comfort aegon, who is reluctant to do his "duty." as a side note, i've talked here about aegon's relationship with helaena and why he didn't want to marry her in greater detail. he's trying to make aegon feel better (compare this to how later, even eyeless, he tries to make alicent feel better), but is also trying to tell aegon that it's important they as family stick together and do their duties as is demanded of them. i think aemond saying "only" here is less "god i want to sleep with my sister so bad" and more "i wish i could take this burden from you, since i know you dread it."

i've talked about this before here, but aegon and aemond show that they're quite aware of the irony of their birth orders. aemond thrives under the attention and constraints that aegon hates, and aegon thrives under the freedom and obscurity that aemond resents. each is better suited to the other's duties. but very importantly, aemond never tries to change this. he never does so politically, and it wouldn't make sense for him to do personally.

in fire and blood, aegon is indisposed for the better part of a year. while he's down for the count, aemond effectively rules in his stead. but he refuses to call himself a king, and instead styles himself "prince regent." for all that he and aegon talk about aemond being better suited to the crown, when it comes down to it, even with no one there to make him do so, aemond refuses to infringe upon his brother's titles.

if aemond refused to so much as undermine aegon's title in a situation where no one (including aegon) would have blamed him to do so, why on earth would he suddenly abandon his principles and undermine his marriage with helaena (even if aegon and helaena were both willing)? so far as we've seen in the show, aemond has strong values of things like "decency" and "propriety;" he's very much parroted back everything his mother's taught him. and he would never trespass upon his brother's marriage, just as he never trespassed on his brother's title, regardless of his personal feelings.

oh also: i know people use blood and cheese to justify that the kids must have been aemond's. but this ignores that daemon was very much mad at aegon, too: aegon threw a whole party to celebrate lucerys's death. besides, what is up with this idea that the twins need to be aemond's to make blood and cheese awful? it's already literally as awful as possible, on purpose.

tldr: for aemond to be the father of any of helaena's children, you have to completely ignore his character from both the show and the book as it pertains to duty, family, and principle. for him to be the father of jaehaera and jaehaerys in particular, you are hoping that a thirteen year old boy was raped by his sister right around the time he was already being raped by a sex worker.

for my helaemond shippers, i love you and you did nothing wrong. if you want to believe they came to love each other once they were older, then by all means go ahead. i personally believe that a relationship can be meaningful while being platonic, but you do you. just please stop trying to tell me aemond is the kids' father, poor thing has been through enough trauma and is already misunderstood enough

[mysticdragon3md3]

Maybe this was in the online digital Nimona artbook before it went offline, but I didn't pay attention to the costume design rules for all the people in the Kingdom, until this video "Visual Storytelling: The Production Design of 'Nimona'" by Gnomon (from which I screencapped all these pics).

It's interesting to consider how these clothing design rules symbolized Ballister's and Ambrosius's positions in society, but also might have reflected bits of their personalities.

"So we first approached it by a very anthropological approach, where we sat down and said, "if this world was to actually evolve in a closed setting, behind these walls, from the medieval, in this kind of fear-based world, how would society evolve from the medieval rules? And how would that work?" So we researched the medieval rules and found that there was the distinction between, you know, nobility and citizenry, and then non-citizens. And so that was a good place to start for us, to say of "How do we organize this massive pool and system of crowd characters? but in a---in a getable way, that also relates to our story and expresses this world that we're doing?""

The Institute:

Nobility:

"So we broke we broke it down into contemporary, um, a contemporary ideology, where our main---our nobility was much more based on, um you know, haute couture rules, where we were---they were simple. They were bold. They were evolution of the kind of royal colors and sumptuary laws that the medieval had, but in a modern, in a modern take."

Citizens:

"Same with the citizens, where we leaned more into broader scope, where we needed to have the ability to have business wear, and athleisure, and, um you know, the color palettes that would be associated. …The range of body types that you would need, and…the range of races and ethnicities."

The Magicals:

Interesting thing about The Magicals, is this note "NO blue or neutral grey (due to the Institute's persecution, magicals have refused to wear Institute colors)."

Ballister's regular clothes seem to be the same color palette as The Magicals. Given the order of these slides, The Magicals seem to be the lowest rank in the Kingdom's society. Previous concept art showed that the Nimona 2023 movie originally would have portrayed a secret society of people with magical powers like Nimona. I assume these costume design rules were for them, though they got cut from the final movie. It seems appropriate that though Ballister has no magical powers, he is dressed in the colors of the Kingdom's lowest societal rank. But as anyone who has drawn him has noticed, the pendant on his shirt is blue. The one color which The Magicals do not wear, because it is the color of The Institute. Ballister is a commoner trying to become a Knight of the Institute, so it makes sense for him. And though Ballister's clothes could maybe be considered shades of gray (as per The Institute), they have the same dark values of The Magicals and are actually more of the "earthy" tones, noted in The Magicals' palettes. Ballister does not wear the light, almost silver, grays of The Institute. But he does wear a blue pendant. And though his pants have a thin golden stripe running down the sides, which is another color emblematic of The Institute, on second look, it is less gold, and more of a light tan, another earthy color. Almost makes me think that after the end of the movie, maybe he should change his blue pendant to purple, since these design instructions for The Magicals also note "One subtle purple item on each magical as a symbol of resistance and solidarity". (It explains the shade of purple in Nimona's skirt.)

Interesting to look at Ambrosius's outfit, while considering these design instructions. Ambrosius does not wear the "bold" colors or high amount of patterns prescribed for Nobility. Instead, he wears white and a dark shade of blue, with mostly solid, non-patterned clothes, as prescribed for The Institute. He is their symbol, through and through. Except for one point: his hoodie's secondary color of tan. Not only is tan an earthy tone, like The Magicals, the lowest societal rank in the Kingdom, but is takes up a noticeable amount of space in his outfit. It is almost like his one little piece of rebellion against his birth position and the expectations of society for him to represent The Institute and Nobility. It may be his one expression of who he is as a person, rather than the expectations placed onto him. It's kind of interesting that they let him get away with that. Maybe he had to fight for it. Maybe it makes him feel closer to Bal. Maybe he likes the distance it puts between him and the Institute. Maybe he didn't get brave enough to start wearing such colors until after he met Bal. (Now I'm getting into headcanon territory.)

Medievals:

This was explained as the costume design instructions for the flashback characters from 1,000 years ago.

[wtftarot]

PAC Reading: Death

Don’t freak out, this isn't a reading about your actual eventual death. The Death card is all about metamorphosis, transformation, rebirth, and of course death (figuratively). Death is the end of a cycle, and they ask us what we learned from that cycle. Death tells us to take stock of our lives, and strip it to the bare bones. They bring to our attention what in our lives is already dead and rotten but in our refusal to let go we're turning it into something distorted (i.e pet semetery or Mary Shelly's Frankenstein). The Death card is an omen of great, inevitable change. What is about to change in your life? What things are already gone that you're holding onto? (Even if it's just those old as fuck leftovers in the fridge your putting off dealing with). What did you learn from a passing cycle? What needs to be stripped from your life? Let's fuck around and find out!

as always this reading is for entertainment purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice in any capacity. remember use common sense and don't be a dumbass.

Pick the Flag w/ a Rose, the Dead King, or the White Horse, and head to your reading.

Had to redo this one cause tumblr keeps fucking eating my readings but it's FINE.

This looks to be a change that y'all are actively pursuing or choosing to make. You've seen how things the way they are isn't working and you've started making adjustments. This group is my group of super fucking nice people who are just fucking done. Don't get me wrong there's nothing wrong with being nice but y'all have been nice to the point where it has ended up hurting you. It could be that you're the friend everyone goes to when they need something and you don't have time for yourself or that people think that they can walk all over you because you're nice. Whatever your situation is, I think maybe you didn't realize the full extent of how much of yourself you were compromising but that there has been a moment or will be one where it hits you how much you've given up of yourself for others. And how much they take that for granted and you get PISSED at them and yourself. This is you choosing yourself and holy fuck is that long overdue, sweetheart. Y'all are learning to embrace your anger in a positive way. You learning that choosing yourself isn't selfish. That not constantly giving isn't being greedy. That anger isn't inherently bad. That going along to get along is bullshit sometimes. This is you making time and space for yourself. Claiming your life as you're own and nobody else's. Maybe this got so bad that you were starting to feel lost within yourself. I think Death is coming in to cheer you on in this change, especially with you choosing the flag group. It's like Death is welcoming you back to yourself. Welcome home, it's been a while.

This looks to be a change that y'all are actively pursuing or choosing to make. You've seen how things the way they are isn't working and you've started making adjustments. This group is my group of super fucking nice people who are just fucking done. Don't get me wrong there's nothing wrong with being nice but y'all have been nice to the point where it has ended up hurting you. It could be that you're the friend everyone goes to when they need something and you don't have time for yourself or that people think that they can walk all over you because you're nice. Whatever your situation is, I think maybe you didn't realize the full extent of how much of yourself you were compromising but that there has been a moment or will be one where it hits you how much you've given up of yourself for others. And how much they take that for granted and you get PISSED at them and yourself. This is you choosing yourself and holy fuck is that long overdue, sweetheart. Y'all are learning to embrace your anger in a positive way. You learning that choosing yourself isn't selfish. That not constantly giving isn't being greedy. That anger isn't inherently bad. That going along to get along is bullshit sometimes. This is you making time and space for yourself. Claiming your life as you're own and nobody else's. Maybe this got so bad that you were starting to feel lost within yourself. I think Death is coming in to cheer you on in this change, especially with you choosing the flag group. It's like Death is welcoming you back to yourself. Welcome home, it's been a while.

mushrooms, the devil card, sleeping beauty, snakes, the dark side of the moon, owls, theater, legos, fire, red, boxing, scuba diving, 44, Capricorn, Taurus, matches, Sagittarius, libra, poetry, bananas, shoes, 555, eat the rich,

if you liked this reading and would like to support my broke ass, you can tip me with the lil tip button at the bottom of this post. thanks.

if you liked this reading and would like to support my broke ass, you can tip me with the lil tip button at the bottom of this post. thanks.

The Dead King

This one was very hard to get a clear message out of, which can mean you're trying to avoid the message but not always. There's this decision you're making or will be placed in front of you to reevaluate how you view something. The way it's being shown is you rebuilding you're worldviews from the ground up. Not gonna lie, this is kinda intense and there's a lot of Tower energy here but in an awesome way, not a scary one. You seem to be actively looking at things you went along with before and are saying 'actually no, this isn't okay' and changing it. You're no longer giving power to people or social expectations you don't value. You're learning to embrace your softer side. I'm getting a lot of punk vibes from this group, so y'all may be getting into that. I fucking love this energy, honestly. Y'all are looking at some bullshit and saying fuck that and I love it. I keep hearing 'performative cruelty' so maybe that's something a lot of y'all are saying fuck no to. The idea that being nice means you're a doormat, or if you don't go along with something that makes you uncomfortable you're a wet blanket. This group has the energy of learning to say No and not back down from it. You can be nice and kick ass when it's necessary. You can say no or call people out when they're being a dick and hold your ground. You're learning to respect yourself enough to walk away from things that make you uncomfortable. That's what this is, you're learning to respect yourself and holy fuck is that awesome. Walking away from shit you don't deserve. Owning your strength. (TW: uncomfortable sexual situations, if that is something you don't want to read about skip the smaller text. I'm seeing that some of you may have been persuaded to do things you're not comfortable with during sex because you didn't want to seem vanilla or you were worried the other person would lose interest. Fuck that. Never feel like you have to do something you don't feel comfortable or safe doing to keep someone else happy especially when it comes to sex. Your pleasure and comfort are just as important as theirs and if they're only with you because you're doing something that makes you feel unsafe that's a major red flag. This is a sex-positive blog but compromising your boundaries for others is never good, trust me) You're really taking your power back and wielding it. The reason this message is coming with the Death card is that this is going to transform your life in ways you will not believe. You're cutting out shit that never should've been in your life in the first place. You're actively choosing what you believe and what you value. That's fucking beautiful, sweetheart.

Random ass vibes: lightning, haunted houses, already ready for Halloween (me too, babe), wings, red dresses, heretic?, deer, art, brick buildings, tattoo of a heart,

if you liked this reading and would like to support my broke ass, you can tip me with the lil tip button at the bottom of this post. thanks.

White Horse

I've been doing my pacs one group each day, instead of trying to do all the readings straight through because that works better with my schedule. The night before this one, I had a dream that I was running away from a white horse. The horse didn't seem to be bad or trying to attack me, I was just trying to avoid it. That could mean this reading is talking about things that you're trying to avoid or maybe this message is just meant for me too.

Y'all got actually got Death right at the heart of your reading. I'm also getting a lot of like dirt imagery? Like digging something up or going down into the earth like a hole or a cave? Maybe y'all like to garden or explore caves or something. Bring it to the surface is what I'm hearing. There's a decision you've been debating for some time that will have a great impact on your life, but it looks like deep down you've already decided. You're just convincing yourself you don't know because once you decide you have to act on it and that can be fucking scary, so you're kinda running from it. (That dream makes sense now, haha) You seem to be very intuitive and instinctively knew what to do but have been trying to talk yourself out of it. I think this decision is really about following your heart and gut. For some of you, I'm seeing that this path you're wanting to walk is kinda out there for your area and you're really feeling the pressure to conform. This is really about embracing your core instincts. I think you're holding yourself back. This is something that deep down your soul has been craving, you've just been trying to keep it buried for so damn long. Sweetheart, hate to break it to you but you can't outrun your soul. You're just gonna exhaust yourself trying. That thing that burns deep in your chest? That burns for a reason and it ain't going anywhere. Have y'all ever heard of the town Centralia, Pennsylvania? It was a mining town in the 60s, where some of the abandoned coal mines caught fire, and the fire spread underground. Because of the coal seams running through the ground, they couldn't put it out. It's burned for over 50 years and as far as I know, it's still burning. Now it's pretty much a ghost town. I think I was reminded of it because this calling you feel deep down isn't going anywhere. Trying to live a life where you can shove it down isn't going to work, your heart won't be in it. That fire in you is just going to burn hotter and hotter until you can't ignore it. If you keep trying you may end up feeling like you've abandoned yourself. The Death card coming in this way isn't a shock to you, is it? You've probably been getting messages like this for a while. It's still your choice, you don't have to listen.

random ass vibes: follow the white rabbit, 'raise hell kid', angels, moon phases, 13, grapes, meerkats, firetrucks, podcasts, aquariums, plants, feathers.

if you liked this reading and would like to support my broke ass, you can tip me with the lil tip button at the bottom of this post. thanks.

[transforming]

Life Update + Commissions!

Hey y'all! So here's a life update because right now, it's fucking hell on earth:

I'm going through major financial instability in my life, and as a college student, it's really hitting hard. Parents are out of a job, and my college just implemented a salary earnings cap for student jobs, which honestly I think is stupid and cruel to low-income students like me. On top of that, where I live, students can't work part time jobs outside of university, which would make it even more (and already) extremely difficult for me to cover my living expenses, let alone tuition fees.

After talking to some of my friends in this community about what I could do to keep myself afloat (and try to keep paying for my studies), and after getting some advice on how to proceed, I have decided to open up writing commissions.

To start, here is how it's gonna work with me:

Firstly, send me a message. You could do it over here on Tumblr, that's fine, but I'd much prefer it if you could message me on Discord, since I'm more reachable there. This makes things a lot easier for us to talk through your ideas and delve deeper into them, really flesh them out, and figure things out before I start writing.

Do NOT send me commission requests through asks.

Second, make sure to properly read through my rules below. Pricing details are set out below (rule 4), so make sure to keep that in mind when you're sending a request and when we're in discussion.

The number of commissions I will take on at at time will depend on a number of factors:

balancing my writing with college assignments & priorities

my level of interest

my writing mood / mental health

I'll make sure to provide updates on when I'm open to them or not.

Okay, now that those are out of the way, here are the very important rules that need to be taken in consideration.

The Transforming Commission Rules:

1. I reserve the right to refuse writing commissions.

Beside the above-mentioned reasons for the number of commissions I'm willing to take; or regardless of the reason; or for no given reason, no means no. Flat out.

I may not like the idea. Maybe I'm busy with classes, life or other commissions. Or perhaps my mental health's taken a downwards spin and/or I'm just not in the mood to write at the moment.

Make no mistake, if you pester me and ask if I've reconsidered your idea, I will simply just block you, no questions asked. If you want to politely ask again if my classes/time/mood were the issue for my saying no, I'd be more than happy to talk things out.

Also, please keep in mind that besides writing stories and my college classes, I have a life too. If you message me about a commission and I don't respond immediately, I'm either just busy or asleep.

I'll make sure to reply to those that inquire, it might just take me a sec.

2. Be as creative as possible, but also use your common sense.

As a creative writing student, I'm gonna be hard on this: one-sentence commission requests that just say "Make me into a twink!" or "Turn me into a frat bro!" will more than likely get refused. That said, try to make your request a little more compelling for me.

Come up with a plot summary, throw some more tf's in there, maybe add a delicious plot twist that would subvert a part of your idea, . I can only write so many of one type of tf story - they're fun, but don't make me bored sick of writing any more of them.

Also, be conscientious and realistic about the length you want. I'm no literary god with unlimited time, and I definitely can't fit a heavily descriptive tf AND a good plot in just 1,000 words.

If you're feeling insane super generous, or more supportive to help me out, and want to commission longer pieces (more than 3,000 words), we can talk more about it when you make the request.

3. I have limits. Push them and our deal's off.

Some of these are without question:

Underage characters / tf's (you will immediately get blocked if you make such a request).

Feet

Violence / pain / rape / non-consensual acts

Homophobic tf's (refer to my repost of @idesofrevolution's post - they've explained it better than I ever could)

Chastity

Unrealistic sizes

Animal tf's

Celebrity tf's (more details below)

I'm primarily a male tf writer, so gender tf is fine, but a heavily female focused story is a nope from me.

Don't even think to ask, I simply will not write them.

As much as I used to include them in my previous stories (especially with TF College), I won't generally do celebrity tf's anymore (i.e. stuff like "Turn me into Henry Cavill!") There may be a lot of very sexy celebrities around, and as hot as it may be to become them, I've had my fair share of writing those stories to the point where I'm done with them. Writing up original characters are more my thing these days - I'm a creative writing major, after all.

There is, of course, some flexibility with this, so if you have an idea but aren't completely sure, you can always ask me. If the idea is compelling enough -- and the guy hot enough -- maybe I'll make an exception. That's much better than getting rejected.

4. Payment & Delivery.

See, as much as I'm struggling right now, I'm not inconsiderate either - I know I'm not the only writer going through shit. I also know people aren't gonna dish out money to completely cover my life and instantly get me out of this hellish rut.

That said, I charge $0.04/word (for my British friends, £0.03/word). That's $40 (£30) per 1,000 words, or $20 (£15) for 500 words.

Payment is via PayPal. In full, up front. I will not begin writing until I've been paid.

When it comes to format of delivery, I will send you a pdf of the final story, provided you give me an email to send the pdf to (unless you' message me on Discord, for which I can just send the pdf to you directly).

5. Use of Images & Posting on Public.

The final say on any images included in these commissions are up to you. You're completely welcome to bring your own images to for me to write around, but if you don't have any, I'm happy to try and find some I feel fit the particular story if you'd like me to.

Then again, I can't make any promises. If I can't find image(s) that fit, or you don't like the ones I provide, I won't climb every mountain or cross every stream to find something. These are writing commissions in the end, so keep that in mind.

I'll also give you the final word on posting these commissions here on Tumblr. If you specifically don't want me to post yours, please say so during the process. If you say nothing, I may end up posting some of them after they've been delivered.

If you're okay for me to post the commission, but would like to remain anonymous (as in not get tagged on the post), make sure to let me know that too. This is an easy one to forget, so I'll be reaching out to you on posting after I've delivered it.

- Drew the Transformer

P.S. Don't forget, you can also tip me over on ko-fi, if you can't or don't want to commission! Seriously, any support during this very difficult time is always welcome, but I'll also understand if you can't.

[olderthannetfic]

The whole bookmarks conversation reminds me of the authors of massive crossover fic With Pearl And Ruby Glowing, who have been known to lash out at anyone and everyone who criticize them, even if you did it in a private server where it was never intended to get back to them, even if you only mildly disliked one chapter, even if you were a massive fan but wished they'd used intersexism instead of going "what's the word for this? interphobia?" and then deleting all comments stating "it's intersexism". Mention them on a locked Dreamwidth entry that duckduckgo search results will show them part of? They're going to contact you and they're going to be furious.

Sometimes, not everyone is going to love your work. You cannot try to ban them from expressing that opinion in private to others. Yes, even if you're "famous" author who has a whole TV Tropes page for your work. You are within your rights to not want to be insulted to your face outright in vitriolic ways unrelated to your work, such as people who slam them for being queer writers. But not wanting that being a relatable, reasonable thing to feel does not mean that everyone has to say your work is good even in private, that people who comment on the fact that there's been more blonde black people than Arab people in your work even though you say you care about representation are haters who shouldn't be allowed to speak, or that if you ask what a word is and get told what the word is then that's hate that needs to be deleted and just for that we're going to screen all comments you meanies.

I've gotten some really nasty intersexist, antisemitic and outright violent comments on my work in the past. I delete the garbage and report the comments that threaten physical violence against me. The result is that people who like my work feel like they can approach me and say hi and chat in my comments or to others. Meanwhile, despite having a ton of hits, almost no one comments on With Pearl and Ruby Glowing and hardly any discussion of it off of AO3 because no one is in the mood to be yelled at for answering a question the author asked or for saying you didn't think a particular chapter was as well done as the others. When even "I loved the first 150 chapters except for number 44, I didn't get that completely" can be met with backlash, the readers start going, "I'll just not say anything and hopefully they won't get mad at me", a fandom dynamic that has resulted in less and less hits and less and less engagement as the story has gone along.

The best thing to do about angry bookmarks is to ignore it. People hate being treated as if they don't matter, thus it is your best possible revenge, because long after you've forgotten their annoying bookmark, you live rent-free in their head. Snapping back at even the lightest of criticism does not make for a fun experience for the reader. It makes me glad I didn't recommend the fic to anyone or comment and it likely to make me stop reading.

One of my fandoms is stubbornly refusing to move to AO3 and is still posting on FFN, for reasons I don't know and cannot explain. The result is that hate comments are still common. The standard response is to just ignore it. I feel much better about talking to those authors because I don't have to walk on eggshells around them in order to make sure I don't make them mad at me. As a result, I am much more likely to recommend their fic to others, because I don't have to worry I'm putting someone in the line of fire by doing so.

TL;DR can we all please learn some sense of proportion and that negative comments aren't worth burning the world to the ground over? Because in the process of burning things to the ground, you burn a good chunk of your audience in the process.

--

[lewis42]

It’s been a long day (and all I’ve gotta say is make it strong)

Astarion x f!Tav. Ao3 link

Even after being allowed to drink from Tav, Astarion doesn’t feel safe in camp. When a battle goes badly, he braces for the worst.

Rating: Mature for topics discussed. No smut

Tags/TW: discussion of child death, aftermath of violence, Astarion needs a hug, Tav needs a drink, pre-relationship

Word count: 3.5k.

Chapter 1/1

A/N: I accidentally killed the goblin kids while freeing Halsin and I had Feelings about it.

——————-!

Astarion was packing

He didn’t want to be packing, he wanted to be having a nice, quiet little panic attack. In the fight to free the druid, one of the goblins had not only summoned a giant spider, but had cast blindness on Astarion. For ten agonizing minutes he’d been in a blackness no darkvison could penetrate. It had sent him right back to that year Cazador had locked him away, the hunger and the darkness and the maddening, maddening silence. Even now thinking about it made his hands shake.

He’d rather have been eaten by the spider.

All other things being equal, he should be curled up on his bedroll right now drinking sour wine and trying to forget. But things were never equal for him, because life couldn’t give him a godsdamned break. And if he was to be run out of camp, he’d take as much as he could with him.

“Astarion,” a voice sounded from outside his tent, the last voice he wanted to hear, and the only one he’d been expecting. “May I come in?”

Astarion shoved his pack into the corner with one foot and tried to look as indifferent as possible. “if you must.”

Tav pushed her way into the tent. She had taken her chest armor off, but still wore the light shirt and leg guards. There was blood in her pulled-back hair. “So eager to see me that you couldn’t stop to bathe?” Astarion asked, wrinkling his nose. “Or is it a religious requirement that clerics of Kelemvor smell like the dead?”

Tav just raised her eyebrows at him. As usual, any attempt at disdain rolled right off of her. “I’m checking on everyone before I get cleaned up and turn in for the night. That was a brutal fight.”

“Well, don’t worry about me darling,” Astarion said. “I enjoyed the carnage.”

“Did you?” Tav said, tilting her head. Astarion braced himself. Here it comes.

“Because I saw your face when that blindness spell hit you,” Tav went on. and gods that was her cleric voice, the one she surely used at funerals, a gentle, nonjudgmental tone meant to comfort the grieving and sooth the dying. “I wanted to be sure you were all right.”

Astarion refused to be soothed or comforted. How dare she pretend to care about him, especially now?

“Feel free to tell me to mind my business,” Tav said, “I just know you said you were a slave to Cazador, and I’ve met more than one slave with a justified fear of the dark.”

Astarion hated her in that moment with the power of a thousand suns. “You should mind your business,” he snapped viciously “I didn’t survive 200 years of torture to be pitied by an idealistic chit with no common sense and…and a snub nose!”

Tav froze, eyes wide as a fawn’s. More at his tone probably than his words, those hadn’t been his best insults. But the anger was real and he could see she knew it.

“Forgive me,” Tav said at last, “I will be more mindful of your privacy in the future.” Then she turned to leave the tent.

“Is that it?” Astarion said, incredulous. “You’re really going to make me wait for the hammer to drop? I knew you were pathetic, but I didn’t think you were cruel.”

“What?” Tav took a deep breath and rubbed her forehead. “Okay let’s start over, because I feel like we're having two different conversations. Why do you think I came in here?” She sounded so patient, and it flamed the deep rage in Astarion’s chest.

“Don’t play dumb with me,” he snarled. “We both know you came here to tell me to get out of camp, so drop the games and fucking do it already!”

“Why the fuck would I ask you to leave camp?” Tav said, clearly bewildered. Astarion wanted to shake her.

“Because I killed two kids today!”

The words hung in the air. Tav’s face crumpled, and it made something deep within Astarion hurt. But he couldn’t stop.

“I killed those goblin kids. And I know that you know it was me because I saw you praying over them before we left. I know how you feel about kids. All of us know how you feel about kids. ‘Children are what adults make them Astarion’ ‘We don’t charge for children Astarion.’ I still have their blood under my fingernails and between my teeth, so don’t stand there and tell me that you don’t care!”

There was a moment of silence.

“I do care,” Tav said at last. She rubbed her hand over her face. “Gods I’m tired. Can I sit down?”

“Ugh, fine,” Astarion gestured to the bedroll. He wanted to strike out again, make her get on with it, but Tav looked…broken. Broken in a way he hadn’t seen before. It was unsettling.

Tav sat down cross-legged on his bedroll and indicated one of the bottles nearby. “Is that blood or wine?”

“Wine,” Astarion said. “It’s terrible.”

“That’s fine, I don’t want it for the taste. May I?” He nodded and Tav reached for the bottle, giving it a healthy swig. “Ack, this one is nasty.” She took another drink. “And I know you took those kids down. I saw you do it.”

“Can’t keep your eyes off me, even in battle?” Astarion purred. “I’m flattered.”

“I was watching the kids,” Tav said, ignoring him. “They were running for help, and I was trying to figure out how to stop them. But you did it for me.”

Astarion said nothing.

Tav took another drink, then carefully set the bottle aside. “The truth is, it’s my fault. I thought I could bluff my way through like I always do, but things escalated and I lost control of the situation. I should have planned better, put Shadowheart near the exit maybe. And when I realized there were children involved, I should have backed off until I figured out how to knock them out or get them out of the way safely. But I didn’t do any of that, and now they’re dead. That’s on me, not you.”

Astarion hadn’t even considered using non-lethal options. The first kid had been pure adrenaline. He’d registered someone running for help and run to take care of the problem. The second one…. The second one had been instinct. He’d been blind and terrified and full of remembered hunger, and then something small and warm-blooded had run past him. Like a rat but larger. He hadn’t even fully realized what he’d done until the blindness spell wore off.

“Look, I promised you I’d never bite an innocent,” Astarion said, letting some of his anger drain away. “I broke that promise. You can take responsibility if you like, the gods know I don’t want it. But that doesn’t change the fact that I basically ate a child.”

Tav rubbed her forehead with two fingers. “No, no it doesn’t.” She looked up. “Was it good?”

Astarion frowned. “Was what good?”

“The goblin kid you drained. Was it tasty? Satisfying?”

“Are you seriously asking me this?”

“Yes,” Tav said, still calm, still watching him. “Was it good?”

“Well…” Astarion felt oddly lost. This conversation was so far from what he expected. “I guess? The blood wasn’t as robust as an adult’s and the flow wasn’t as strong, so I only got a couple swallows.”

“So if you had a choice, you’d pick an adult to bite? Or an animal?”

“I mean, animal blood is rather nasty,” Astarion said. “But no, on the whole it wouldn’t be worth the effort. Not if there was better prey available.” He pulled himself back to reality. “What the hells does it matter anyway? Even if you’re willing to let it go, it’s not like the others will. They already think I’m a bloodthirsty killer.”

“There’s more than one of those in camp,” Tav pointed out. “Although you’re more literally blood thirsty, and Lae’zel is more in line with the traditional sense. Besides the others don’t know.”

Astarion stared at her. “What do you mean they don’t know?”

“Just what I said.” Tav shrugged. “Halsin was dealing with the worgs, Karlach was fighting a giant spider, Shadowheart was trying to get across the grease that other goblin threw at us. I’m pretty sure no one saw you but me.” She eyed the wine bottle again. “And I did a little clothing adjustment when I said a prayer over them to cover the bite. As far as everyone else is concerned, you took down both those kids in your usual way. Considering it kept us from being overrun with goblins, I doubt anyone will hold it against you.”

“You covered for me?” Astarion couldn’t wrap his head around it.

“Yeah.” Tav shrugged. “Look, no one else was anywhere near that door. If you hadn’t stopped them from sounding the alarm, we’d probably be dead. And the tieflings and their children would be dead. And who the fuck knows what this Absolute cult would do to Faerun. I don’t like doing that calculation, and I don’t like that I screwed up. But the truth is, you saved us.”

“And you trust me not to do it again?” Astarion said. “Just like that?”

“Just like that.” Tav took back the bottle and took a swig.

“I can’t decide if you are suicidal or just a fool.” Astarion couldn’t keep the bitter bite out of his words. There were few things he despised more than naive heroism. The world was a desert of blood and power and whatever rivers of goodness or kindness there might be would never change that, never reach the people who needed them the most.

He should know, after all.

But Tav’s next words shocked him into silence.

"You mean for trusting you?” Tav said. “I don’t, really. Or I suppose you could say I trust you just as much as I trust most of the people in this camp, which is very little.” She waved the bottle. “What I trust is your sense of self preservation. You’re far too smart to risk being staked or run out for a bite-sized snack that you’ve admitted doesn’t even taste that good.”

It was certainly nothing compared to yours, Astarion thought, then refocused on Tav’s words. “You don’t trust anyone in camp? But you’re so.. so… nice.”

“Thank you!” Tav said brightly. “But kindness and wariness can co-exist you know. I trust Withers because we’re…well, we’re colleagues of a sort. And I trust Karlach for the most part. But not the rest of you. Not yet.” She peered at him, her eyes slightly unfocused. “Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed that we’re basically one devil or deity’s command from being murdered in our beds.”

Astarion had not noticed that, and now that she’d pointed it out, he was miffed at himself. He’d only considered his companions in light of the direct threats they posed: Gale’s orb exploding, Lae’zel putting a stake through his heart, etc. He’d been more worried about being abandoned then being killed. But apparently there were other risks too, ones he’d missed.

Honestly the idea was rather fascinating.

Astarion plopped down on the ground, all his anger forgotten. “Walk me through it,” he said. “Lae’zel would absolutely stab us if that gith queen of hers told her to, that’s true. And Shadowheart’s a little too zealous for her dark goddess. But Gale? Wyll?”

“Gale’s a man who had love and power and doesn’t have it any more.” Tav said. “Plenty of people have done terrible things for less reason. And while I don’t doubt Wyll’s honor, I am a little wary of how easily Mizora was able to lie to him. He might be wiser now. Time will tell.”

“But you trust Karlach?”

“Karlach spent ten years doing nothing but killing on the orders of someone else. I’m sure she has a lever, because everyone does, but she’s the least likely to betray us in that way. She’d refuse on principle.”

“That’s probably true,” Astarion said. “As for me, we both know I’d sell the whole camp to Raphael for a ham sandwich.”

“You would not,” Tav said, and hells, she sounded almost affectionate. “But if you were offered freedom from the tadpole and Cazador, I don’t think you’d hesitate. Especially if you could keep the sun.”

“Well, you’re not wrong,” Astarion admitted. There wasn’t much he wouldn’t do for such an offer. “I like to think I’d hesitate a little though.”

“Awwww, that’s sweet. Maybe we’re all further along than I thought.” Tav sighed. “The point is, I trust all of you to have priorities and loyalties of your own, and I don’t trust a mere five days acquaintance to have much sway against those priorities. Hopefully we’ll get into actually trusting and valuing each other as we go, but I don’t think we’re there yet.”

“That’s…. incredibly astute. I didn’t think you had it in you.”

“It’s the face,” Tav said. “I have permanent nice face. And a snub nose. It makes people underestimate you.” And then the chit actually winked at him.

Cheeky pup.

“So what’s your lever?” Astarion asked, trying to regain the upper hand in the conversation. “Especially regarding my good self. After all, Kelemvor condemns all undead, or so I’ve been told.”

Kelemvor was one of the only gods Astarion hadn’t bothered to pray to in his two hundred years of torment. He’d considered more than once begging the God of Death for a quick extinction, but in the end he’d been too stubborn--or too cowardly--to do it.

“Eh. It’s complicated. As long as you aren’t making more undead or actively preying on innocents, most clerics are happy to leave you alone and focus on the real problems.” Tav grew thoughtful. “Would I be willing to protect everyone if I had to kill another cleric of Kelemvor to do it? I honestly don’t know. Fortunately, that’s unlikely. Especially when you consider that Withers is helping us.”

“You know what he is?” Astarion said, leaning forward. “Do tell.”

Tav tapped him lightly on the nose. “Sorry, trade secrets,” she said with a grin. Then she sighed, putting down the bottle. “That’s more than enough for me, I’m afraid. It would be hard to lead with a massive hangover, and we still have three goblin leaders to kill. I’ll be out of your hair as soon as I’ve mustered the will to stand up.”

For the first time since she’d entered his tent, Astarion actually looked at Tav. The tired slump of her shoulders, the lines around her eyes. There was a loneliness and a sadness to her that he’d not seen before. He wondered if it had always been there, hidden under her cheerful care.

“You can sleep here if you like,” Astarion said impulsively. “If you trust me not to drain you dry and run for the hills.”

“Please,” Tav scoffed. “Without the artifact, you wouldn’t make it a day before the Absolute got to you, and you value your freedom too much to let that happen.”

Now that he knew more of her mind, Astarion could read between the lines. I know you never want to be a slave again. He was grateful to her for not saying it out loud.

He could try and steal the artifact, but it might not allow itself to be stolen. Besides Shadowheart would hunt him down and Karlach and Wyll would help her just to avenge Tav.

Astarion would bet a full meal of bear’s blood that Tav knew all that already. That she’d known it when she offered him her neck on the day she discovered his secret. Tav didn’t trust him to be good, she trusted him to be smart enough and selfish enough to work with the group for his own--and everyone else’s--benefit.

She trusted him to be exactly who he was.

Being seen so clearly was uncomfortable. It made something coil in Astarion’s gut, a feeling that was something like fear and something like hunger. Instinctively he took refuge in the tools he’d always used.

“There are other dangers you know,” he said, moving closer to Tav and tracing the tip of one finger over her soft chin. “I could take advantage of you… carnally.”

Tav’s eyes were wide and open in the dim light, and her lips and cheeks were flushed with wine. He could smell the sweetness of her blood pumping as her heart rate picked up. Her chest rose and fell under the thin linen shirt, the plush breasts teasing him. Astarion had a sudden vision of his fingers digging into Tav’s hips, of burying himself inside all that soft, carefully guarded warmth. The wave of lust made him dizzy.

“I’m afraid I wouldn’t enjoy it,” Tav said. “Not tonight. Too many thoughts and too much wine.”

Not enjoy it? The nerve. Astarion cradled Tav’s jaw, tilting her head up. “Darling, you wound me. I could drive every thought out of that pretty little head and make sure you sleep better than you’ve ever slept in your life.” His lips were close enough to Tav’s for their breath to mingle. He could hear her heart pounding.

“Astarion,” she breathed.

“Yes, sweet one?”

“I don’t want to have sex while I smell like the dead.” She pulled back, a smile playing around her soft mouth.

Astarion chuckled, he couldn’t help it. The woman kept surprising him. “Touché, my dear.” He released her and sat back. “Genuinely though, you’re welcome to stay. I’m not planning on closing my eyes tonight, and we can’t have our fearless leader stumbling across camp. You might fall into the fire. Besides,” He reached out and tapped her nose in turn. “I don’t think you want to be alone tonight.”

Tav inclined her head, acknowledging the hit. “You sure you don’t mind?”

“Just don’t make it a habit,” Astarion said. “I don’t like dirty girls in my bed.”

Now it was Tav’s turn to laugh, but sadly she didn’t rise to the bait. “Goodnight Astarion.”

“Goodnight.” Astarion watched her snuggle in under his blanket, feeling oddly pleased. It was probably just relief. Tav wasn’t kicking him out and she wasn’t angry. He was safe for another day.

As quietly as he could, Astarion started to unpack his things, enjoying the richer silence that comes from having two people in a room instead of one. Then a noise caught his ear. The tiniest of choked sobs.

Tav was turned away from him, but he could hear her faintly ragged breaths, and smell the saltiness of tears. She was so quiet that Astarion doubted anyone without the senses of an elf or a vampire would have noticed. But he did, and he recognized it: the silent crying of someone long practiced in hiding their grief. Someone who couldn’t risk drawing attention.

Astarion had given up on the comfort of tears a hundred years ago or more, but he still remembered.

He didn’t stir, barely breathed until Tav’s own breath smoothed out and she sank into sleep. Then he crept over to look closer. There were tear marks on her face and on his pillowcase, and Tav herself had curled up so tightly it was like she was trying to make herself disappear.

Astarion remembered doing that too.

“What secrets are you hiding, darling?’ he whispered, lightly brushing some wayward hair from her forehead. Tav didn’t answer but he thought she relaxed a little under his touch. Astarion sat back, thinking hard.

He’d assumed--they’d all assumed--that Tav was a simple cleric: a decent fighter with a flair for creative strategy and an open heart. But she was so much more than that. Under that sweet, unruffled demeanor was the practical mind of a master tactician. In five days Tav had found everyone’s deepest emotional levers, and used that knowledge, not for manipulation or judgement, but for planning. For threat assessment.

She hid her hurt on instinct, she froze when she felt threatened, she was keenly aware of everyone around her. Astarion had been a predator for a long, long time and he recognized the signs. Sometime in the past, Tav had been prey.

And still…she was kind.

Astarion looked at the cleric sleeping peacefully in his bedroll and knew two things for absolute certain. One: in her own way, Tav was the most dangerous person in camp. And two: Astarion needed to become a priority to her, fast.

He needed a plan

[basilone]

hey i hope you’re well! i was interested in hearing your thoughts about this, people new to the fandom have been posting gifs for bob but you can tell the gifs are not theirs. they don’t credit the gif makers or tell people they have permission to repost gifs, or any of that and those who credit, only credit pinterest. you can tell it’s not their gifs by the coloring and how each gif is extremely different from the other, like the gifs are from different sources/gif makers. how do you feel about that?

Hi anon! I'm doing well, thank you, and I hope you are too. 😊

I gotta level with you first and say that I hope your ask isn't meant to shit-stir or cause any trouble in the fandom for the person(s) who're doing this sort of thing. If you truly want them to realize the errors of their ways, please consider sending them a private message to explain why this isn't a nice thing to do in fandom. (And, of course, do not reblog a post that is full of reposted gifs. It hurts my heart every time those posts get any type of engagement!)

That said, I have thoughts on this. I have a lot of thoughts on this, because the reality is that I'm tired.

I always operate on the basis of good faith in fandom. People who are new to fandom might not be aware of some things that are common sense to us who've been in fandom longer. People might not be aware that what they're doing isn't good. People might have seen other people do these things before, and they might not know that they're not supposed to do them.

For those people, let me say this: Pinterest, Twitter, WeHeartIt, Google, etc. are not sources for gifs. If you do not know a gif's origin, do not use it in your posts. If you don't know who made it, do not use it. I don't care if it's the best gif you've ever seen, I don't care if it fits whatever fanfic you're publishing, I don't care if it's perfect for your roleplaying. That gif isn't yours. That gif belongs to a gifmaker like myself, who has often spent hours creating that gif and has published that gif in a set on their own blog.

If you want to use that gif in any way in your own post, the bare minimum you should do is credit its original creator. They've worked hard on it and they deserve to be credited for that! Simply @-ing our username or using Tumblr's gif search will suffice, as we always get a notification of that. Also consider asking the gifmaker directly if you can use their gif in a particular post/fic: they will often say yes, but please also respect a 'no'.

And the reality here for me as a gifmaker is also this: I'm tired of asking people to credit me. I'm tired of having to message people and request that they credit my work in their posts. The HBO War fandom is pretty mild in how often this sort of thing occurs, but I have been part of another fandom where my work gets reposted on a regular basis. So regular, in fact, that I have utterly soured on the roleplaying community (the worst offenders when it comes to gif reposts!) and have taken to blocking people instead of asking them time and again to credit me. I'm so tired of it that I actually do not message anyone about it anymore, because my temper in regards to this has frayed over the years and I don't want to be a massive bitch to someone who might not even know that what they're doing is wrong.

I hope that this answer will create more awareness in our fandom and will make people credit the lovely gifmakers in our community for their work. Please don't use my words as an excuse to dogpile the user(s) who repost gifs, as they might not have realized they're committing a fandom faux-pas. Consider letting them know in private! (And if they refuse/ignore it or don't think it's that big a deal, you'll know they don't see gifmakers and other creative contributors to the fandom as people. We're just content machines to them, and in that case you can feel absolutely free to block and ignore that user from there on out.)