#but damn this hits home holy moly

[sunofpandora]

Virago: Chapter 3

Neteyam x fem na’vi!omaticaya!reader

Characters:

Ka’lik- (like you would pronounce “Malik”) Y/n’s father, deceased, a warrior and hunter of the 

omaticaya clan. A teacher to young warriors undergoing iknimaya.

Zensira-deceased, Y/n’s mother, spider's adoptive mother, a strong hunter and the best singer in the omaticaya clan, and a teacher to young hunters.

Kailo-(Y/n’s ikran. Your ikran is a male)

Popiti-(tuk’s best friend according to the visual dictionary)

(Also idk how many of you know this but Jake’s ikran’s name is canonically ‘Bob’.)

(WARNINGS!

Sharing a sleeping hammock with the opposite gender (non-romantically)-

Neytiri hating on spider/ mentions of insecurities, heartbreak, war,/ fluff/ angst/ mentions of hunting, killing animals, mentions of therapy, military, ptsd, romance, pining, use of military terms/codewords/  fluff ending!

Let me know if I missed anything.

Chapter desc:

Kiri convinced y/n to unload some of her lingering feelings for Neteyam. Y/n reveals that the incident all those years ago that took her parents scarred her deeper than she could have ever anticipated. Is this a battle the mighty archer can’t win? Neteyam has a confrontation with a pathetically simpering Kyuna. 

Authors note:

Here we go! Chapter 3!! It feels insane to be posting the actual third  chapter of this. But holy moly, building up romance is much harder than I thought. This chapter is a long one so grab your favorite snack, find a comfy spot and buckle up. 

I have a small request for my lovely virago readers, please comment on your favorite line, moment, quote, or dynamic from this chapter. This is so I can know what kind of stuff you guys incline towards so I can throw more of it in as the story continues.

IMPORTANT:

hi guys. So I’ve decided to change spiders age from 20 to 19 for plot purposes. Jake and Neytiri are the same age. Tuk is still 7. Kiri is 19, neteyam is 19, Lo’ak and Y/n are 18.

This chapter is split into 3 parts due to tumblers dumbass word limit. This is part 1.

                                                                   V I R A G O         

Chapter 3;

Cupid Wears A Blindfold.

Y/n’s pov-

Word count: 28k (split)

Lo’ak snores. He snores a lot.

This was no epiphany to you, of course. Lo’ak had always been a snorer, much like Jake.

Ever since the sully’s welcomed you into their home when moving to high camp, sleeping arrangements were always abit of a puzzle.

Tuk often slept in all sorts of weird positions. Often rustling and twitching in her sleep. Some nights she nestles her way in between Jake and Neytiri, the poor couple waking up to an elbow jabbing into their skin.

Kiri was your second best option. She didn’t toss or turn, she didn’t kick or jab or roll. Your only deterrent? Kiri mumbled. Oftentimes talking in her sleep to some soft sung spirit she felt within her own solace, her own safety, her own world.

This never found itself to be a disturbance for you. You didn’t mind the mumbling. Kiri however, claimed ‘she loved you too much to keep you up at night’, and wouldn’t hear a word of it when you tried to convince her that it didn’t bother you.

But it wasn't completely in favor of your sleep schedule. Kiri liked her privacy. And you knew that. Better than most, actually. But that’s what was special about your bond with Kiri. You didn’t need words to understand her. And she loved you for it.

I don’t think I need to explain why sharing a hammock with Jake and Neytiri seemed out of the question.

And though most nights it seemed tempting, sleeping with Neteyam was a no-go.

And here you laid. Staring at the ceiling of the Sully family’s tented Marui home, while everyone slept, you damned yourself restless. 

Lo’ak kept snoring in your ear, his breath hitting your neck.

His arm lazily thrown above both your heads, his leg sprawled across your shins. You huffed, attempting to turn the opposite way. The uneven weight caused the tent to dip unanticipatedly, causing you to gasp. Your hand reaches towards the wall to steady the motion, and to prevent you and lo’ak from falling.

You squeezed your eyes shut, taking a breath before shifting yourself evenly again, and Lo’ak continued to snore, his tail now poking your hip. 

Your ears perked up at the sound of a soft rustling, and a gentle yawn.

“Y/n?”

You turn your head, seeing a sleepy Kiri blink at you slowly, her bright golden eyes adjusting to the light.

“What’re you doing up?”

She rested on her elbows, elevating herself a bit to see you more clearly.

You sighed, glancing back at Lo’ak.

“Oh. You know. Just doing a little late night praying. Praying that eywa will take me before his snoring does.”

Your blank tone made Kiri giggle, stifling her laughs with her palm.

“Oh trust me. I've shared a tent with him longer than you have.”

Silence draws between you both as your quiet chuckles slowly start to simmer away under the dark tent top.

Kiri sits up slightly, gesturing with one hand for you to come closer.

You shake your head, hesitantly treading her offer. You knew how kiri liked her distance.

“I don’t want to be a bother.”

“You? A bother? Y/n, you’re probably the person in this entire tent that bothers me the least.”

You crack a smile, huffing out a small sigh of defeat.

You slip out of your hammock, slithering your way over small objects that became obstacles on the floor with stealthy yet lethargic motions. of the family’s home before successfully snuggling under the blanket of kiri’s larger hammock. Now comfortable without the cramped positioning.

She chuckled, rubbing your back. 

“Comfy?”

You nod, smiling at her.

“You're a lifesaver, Kiri. My hero.”

She ruffles your braids, winking.

“Nah. If anything, you are my hero.”

Kiri and you have always been close, ever since you were children. Your mother and Neytiri were practically attached at the hip, and since you, spider, and lo’ak were always a package deal, you and kiri had grown up playing together.

Kiri was softer spoken as a child, and you were loud and energetic. Your mother always said you were an ocean, and kiri was a lake. You, a soul syncing with the vigorous symphonies of azur-string reprised tidelines and honey-hidden siren songs. The ocean forgives, but it never forgets. Its strength is unmeasured. It waits for nothing.

Kiri was a lake. Lush green ripened grass sits along yellowed-tinted sun hazed stems of oddly-shaped wildflowers and imperfect patterns imprinted on petals. She was calm in the still moving water. You were the strength of the sea. 

You always felt protective over Kiri. 

A part of you couldn't help it. The day you and Kiri grew closer was the same day Jake had to meet with the Olo’eyktan of the Tawkami clan. The day the Chief’s children were teasing Kiri about her fingers. You and Kiri were about 8 at the time, and she really only saw you play around the village or carrying spider on your back as you trailed behind your mother and her daily chores. Or when your mom walked Lo’ak back to his family’s hut the morning after a sleepover with you and spider.

The day the Tawkami Chief’s children that accompanied him were picking and poking at Kiri’s fingers.

And where were you? Right there beside her. Threatening to feed the children to your mother’s ikran and telling them that your human brother would come and give them his demon blood “diseases” if they didn’t leave her alone.

They stopped picking on her, and she stuck by you from then on. Cause no one knew how to better handle bitchy 9 year olds than you did.

Kiri yawns, gently rolling on her side.

“Get some sleep, Y/n.”

You mumbled an ‘mhm’ before letting your eyes drift shut.

Its been about 15 minutes and sleep still evades you. The comforting vibrations of kiri’s warmth doesn’t seem to lull you like you assumed it would.

“Are you awake?”

Kiri whispered, and it startled you a bit. You assumed she was asleep.

You turned to face her and nodded. Her yellow eyes glowing evergreen tints in the darkness.

“Yes. But don’t let me keep you from sleeping, Kiri.”

She shrugs.

“I can’t sleep either.”

You both stay quiet for a moment, letting the silence settle.

 “So, Makeyo spoke with you today?”

The same uneasy feeling returns once again, you blink at Kiri.

You shook your head, your voice quiet as if not to disturb the air around you two.

“We were just talking.”

“About?”

Her whisper courses against the flicker of change in the wind.

You stay quiet once again. Not because its awkward, or uncomfortable.

Sometimes, you felt like there was a shackle chained to your wrist.

The memory of your parents still haunts you.

It shaded you in its prison of night, torturing you to watch the sunlight, but never touch it.

You didn’t love anyone.

And yet, whenever someone offered you their hand, it felt like a trap.

A mockery of betrayal climbs your conscience. It's a hue of warm yellow, drenched in crimson and an agonizing black.

Jake told you that back on earth, he fought with other humans in a war that seemed like it would never end.

Sometimes people come out of bloody experiences constantly trying to wash their body because the smell of blood never leaves their nose.

Jake said it haunts you. Like a ghost. Some of the men he met would wake up screaming in the middle of the night. They wouldn’t laugh as much. Smile as much. What once was a comfort was now a cold, daunting piece of lost memories.

It's everywhere. And it hurts. What hurts most is that you  can't protect yourself from it. Your arrows cannot pierce it. your hands cannot fight it away. 

It’s real in some uncanny sense of a nauseating nostalgia. The type of memory that makes you thin your eyes because it's too bright.

An invisible devotion, it holds you above its disposal.

It keeps you away from falling in love. From holding someone's hand. From laughing at another’s jokes. 

Sometimes you hate what you are. What  you’re made out of. Because your soul constantly fights to build yourself out of ripped pieces of the past.

Because all you ever hear is whispers about where that happy little girl went. The girl who chased sun-dripped river banks with the symphony of children’s laughter.

This pain follows you. 

When you wake from your nightmare’s it’ll sit in the corner. Watching you.

When someone flirts with you, touches your shoulder, brushes a strand of hair out of your face, it’ll be there.

What was the use of falling in love? As a child, you fantasized about having a love like your parents. So pure, so deep, so unexplainably perfect.

Only for them to die because of something you couldn't protect them from.

It’s not that you feared death. You feared the instantaneousness of it.

The unforeseen figment of a shape only for it to reveal itself to be a scythe.

They didn’t know it would happen, and neither did you.

And you weren’t fucking there. And now they are gone.

Never getting to watch you or spider grow to be full adults.  

Leaving their children without so much as a goodbye.

Your only true goal was to die honorably on the battlefield. If you couldn’t find peace, maybe your ghost could.

Love was a weakness.

And when you fall in love, the shell of that pain will disguise itself under their soul.

You  shrugged, your eyes averting away from Kiri. There's disconnected fatigue in your tone.

“He was nice.”

“Just nice?”

Kiri raises her eyebrow, scooting a bit closer to you.

You  sighed, unsure of how to carry on this conversation. So you’re grateful when she does it for you.

“He’s a good guy. I've seen him help you teach the younger kids. They love him, always trying to climb on his back and asking him to carry them around.”

You nod.

“He’s a good teacher..”

you trail off, fidgeting with one of 

Your  bracelets. The one tuk made you, the one with mismatched bead sizes and colors. Juvenile plotted patterns in the small vibrant hues.

Kiri snickers.

“He might have to get in line with all your other eager suitors.”

you roll your eyes, poking her with your tail.

It wasn't unusual that Kiri teased you about getting attention. 

Lo’ak’s friends sometimes whisper, quietly laughing and shoving each other as you walk by. It becomes hard not to notice as it becomes a frequent pattern.

Sometimes the guys in the hunting party Neteyam was often in, gently tapped each other on the shoulder, more subtly gesturing as you walked around camp or left for a ride, or even just helped with daily chores.

Their attempts usually deem themself futureless when Spider and Lo’ak glare at them, shoo them away the same way you would a pestering flock of birds.

Its a normality. Though spider was only a year older than you, he policed your love life just the same as any older sibling would. He didn't care that you were taller, stronger, bigger than him.

You scoffed.

“They’ll have to get through dumb and dumber first.”

Kiri huffed, annoyed with the two idiots in question.

“Don’t trust their judgment. They share one singular brain cell and it malfunctions half the time.” 

The both of you laugh, trying to keep quiet. You bury your face in Kiris shoulder as the hammock shakes with your giggles.

You both sigh after a moment, still smiling.

“I can’t blame them.  You’re perfect.”

She whispered.

There's a withering sense of somber behind her voice. It lacked bitterness, but it simmered on a ember, an ephemeral flicker of blue. The sounds of sloshed ash-blue sunsets and burnt-orange auras.

“I am not.”

You mumbled.

Kiri looked up at the top of the tented-hut. The small sparks of comforting vibrations from your bodies nuzzled under the woven blanket that allows only the softest of shivers to seize past the fabric.

“You remind me of my mother. The stories of her in her youth. The perfect woman. Strong, admired, sought out by many, envied by most..”

She trailed off.

If only kiri knew you didn’t feel like that at all.

“You’re my idea of perfection, Kiri.”

She scoffs and rolls her eyes.

Kiri was pretty. You had to remind her of that sometimes. The way her golden eyes shined under a sheet of jaded-glowing evergreen, that of a hued green in a canvassed jungle canopy. Her uneven, choppy, imperfectly, perfectly shaped bangs that fell over her forehead, gentle wisps of dark feathered thick strands.

Kiri’s hair was slightly lighter than most na’vi women. You loved that about her, the almost dark auburn shades of brown that hollowed in chalked streaks of a honeyed glow, proving herself her biological mother’s daughter.

But the one thing you adored most about Kiri?

Her love for Eywa.

You could only envy it.

After the death of your mother, your once undying devotion for the great mother started to rot. You felt like she had failed you. Taken away the most precious piece of your soul and damned her name for tearing you apart and leaving you to pick up the pieces. 

You were angry those first few months, and you think differently now. But your breath still shallows at the thought.

Your smiles fade, and the air around you feels hollow for a moment.

“I wish i could see through your eyes, kiri.”

Kiri squeezed your hand, gently holding it to her chest.

“I know you’ve been hurt, Y/n. I know this pain is great..But the great mother has a plan for you. I believe it above all else.You are strong. Stronger than any spirit she has seen…You bring the wailing ash and fire of the demon ships to pity with just your arrowhead. We will heal together, y/n. I will teach you to find your faith again.”

You let your eyes flutter closed.

Your beautiful, sweet Kiri. This wasn’t romance. This was sisterly love in its purest form.

“..Do you ever think about him?”

The question stills you, you looked up at her and blink.

“Who?”

“My brother.”

The comforting warmth suddenly becomes a sweltering heave of heat. You swallow thickly, looking down.

“No.”

Kiri shakes her head.

“Please. Don’t lie to me, Y/n.”

There it is again, the hole in your heart.

“Yes. I think of him sometimes.”

Silence settles again.

“Is it wrong?”

You whisper.

Kiri shakes her head.

“No. its just that he doesn't deserve to live in your mind.”

Kiri loves her older brother. She truly does. But she was right beside you when he drifted away. Even ignoring him because she was angry with how he had treated you.

You squeezed your eyes shut for a moment, cupping her hand in yours.

“I hate it.”

“Hate what?”

“How i feel like a piece of me is missing.”

Kiri’s eyes soften.

“Oh y/n…”

“No.”

Your voice breaks only slightly.

“No. because im better now.

I hated him. I hated his hands. I hated his voice. I hated his back. I hated his arms. I hated his neck. I hated his nose. I hated his ears. I hated when he promised to protect me, I hated when he left me crying in the rain. I hated that I waited for him. I hated that he promised all the stars in the sky were mine. I hated him.

I don’t hate him anymore. I hate the delusions of himself he put inside my head.

I hate how he weakened me.”

Kiri gently brushed some of your braids behind your shoulder

“Heartbreak doesn’t make you weak. If anything, it shows we had something inside of us so beautiful and rare it was worth mourning.”

You blinked back the fresh sting in your eyes. Taking a shaky breath.

“Oh my dear.”

Kiri whispered, hugging you close.

“Get some rest. You don’t need to think about anything right now, I promise.”

You nodded.

“Yeah. yeah okay.”

“You know what? In the morning let’s go bother norm for a bit. Would that make you feel better?”

You chuckled, hugging her back before you both settled in respective places in her hammock.

“It always does,”

Sleep soon found you, taking you in its arms and soothing the sweet darkness.

Across the tent, Neteyam laid awake, his hands clutching a blanket of his own, his body still tensed after what he had just heard.

☾𖤓✮⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾𖤓 ⋆⁺₊⋆☾𖤓✮⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾𖤓 ⋆⁺₊⋆☾𖤓✮⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾𖤓 ⋆⁺₊⋆☾𖤓✮⋆⁺₊⋆ 

The next day.

You liked hunting with Jake.

It was high on your list of some of the chores you enjoyed contributing with your new found life in high camp living with the sullies.

Spending time with jake was a bonus. Jake and your family went way back. Your mother was one of the only navi that welcomed him upon his unexpected arrival. She was the one who lended him an older loincloth for him to wear that first night he was captured and the omaticaya took away his RDA uniform, and while he had his first ever meal with the clan at high camp. 

Your mother also played a huge role in his journey to become a man of the omaticaya people.

Teaching him things like weaving, beading, and some of the language along with Neytiri.

Your mother was the one who constantly pestered neytiri about her growing feelings for the dreamwalker, helping her unbraid her hair for the nights he spent with jake, letting her cry, laugh, scream, like any good sister would.

Your mother and Neytiri mourned sylwanin together. And your mother grew closer with Mo’at and eytukan as mentors as well, despite neytiri and your mother not being sisters by blood, they loved each other just the same.

Jake and you had a good relationship. Jake often helped train the younger warriors, neteyam, you and lo’ak included.

You were always the fastest, the strongest out of the group, since you were 15.

Jake remembers when you were small. Carrying spider around and chasing lo’ak, bringing gifts to baby tuk, playing in the flower patches with neteyam and making him wear the bracelets and crowns you would braid out the stemmed petals.

Jake was there with you when your parents died, and he ws there when you moved into highcamp with the sully family.

He was there when you had nightmares and woke up in the middle of the night screaming,

You remember those nights, when the images of your mothers body would rip you from your sleep and you’d almost shake poor lo’ak out of the shared hammock with your sobbing and pleading.

You remember jake rushing to you, gently holding you by your shoulders, gently utting your head to his chest.

‘Sweetheart hey- hey i’m here. Mawey, Mawey..easy- easy…there we go. Deep breaths..’

The hoarse tiredness in his voice as oddly comforting.

You remember shaking your head, settling yur breathing as the tears began to flow.

“I-i’m sorry..it was just another bad dream.”

“Hey. never apologize for having a nightmare. You’re okay. You’re safe here. Okay? C’mon. Let's take a walk-that’ll calm you down.”

You trusted jake. You always have. Even today, in the present. So of course you liked hunting with him.

But most of all? You loved flying.

Your ikran was your spirit brother, sometimes even following your commands without tsaheylu. 

The bond you had was strong, stronger than most ikran’s are capable of.

And the best part? He had a temper just like you did. The first time you almost met death was your iknimiya. 

Your ikran threw you off the cliff, and then flew down to attack you further.

Jake and Neytiri had to hold Neteyam back from swooping into save you.

But you did it. You completed your rite and claimed Kailo as your own.

And you soared with him now, above the clouds, barely containing the smile etched on your face as the wind whips through your braids.

You loved heights. You loved how infinitely endless the sky seemed, burning with blasts of azure or an early morning blaze of fire-hued sunrises, or the cold warmth of the rain that refused to fall within the stars.

Revered by the scattered songs of synodic vespers and requiems of rainstorms. The sky cannot be caged. It cannot be concealed or hidden, it is your sanctuary, enraptured by effortless divinity and strength.

Your ikran let out a shrill and you pet its neck.

“Easy, Kailo..”

You hummed, looking over to jake, who sat atop his own companion, Bob. His dreads caught in the wind behind him as he waved for your attention.

“y/n!”

The wind carried his volume.

“I think we should take a break. In an hour or two the yerik herds will come to the river bank. Let’s law low in the woods.”

“Yes sir.”

You gently kicked Kailos' side, tilting the reins to descend after Jake into the forest, weaving around trees and foliage.

You laugh as a gust of wind trails you and Kailo, almost throwing Jake off his line of flight. Kailo was one of the fastest ikran your clan had ever seen. At least, that’s what the elders of the clan had told you.

Lo’ak was often jealous of spider because spider always got free rides on Kailo. You land before Jake, hopping off Kailo’s back and petting his neck.

“Mawey, tsmukan”

(calm, brother.)

Jake landed after you, the sound of ikran wings announcing his arrival. He climbed down right after you, patting the neck of his own Ikran, bob.

Jake spotted some Yovo fruit trees up ahead, cutting you both down a few as you both sat down on some rocks for  snack break.

Jake leaned back, handing you a half of his own fruit as you muttered a small thank you.

His eyes wandered, as he glanced up at the trees, as if his gaze had become conscious of every shape and sound that surrounded him.

“I remember this place.”

Jake uttered in a soft hum in the air, his line of sight tracing around the figment of  nostalgic fixation in the air.

You raised an eyebrow, munching on your fruit.

“Here? At this spot?”

Jake nods, nudging your shoulder with his knuckles. Pointing to the source of the sound of trickling water.

“The pond. Back when I was training for iknimaya. Way before your time.”

He smirked, as if it was something to brag about.

You rolled your eyes,

“Oh goody. Another one of grandpa's war stories.” 

Jake chucked a Yovo fruit at your head but you caught it effortlessly, not even glancing.

“I’m not that old.” he huffs, clearly impressed at your  heightened reflexes.

You chuckled, flipping your knife in your hand to withdraw it from its place in the sheath on your hip to cut open the fruit.

“Can’t move it like you used to, huh pops?”

“You know, I could have you banished.”

“Than who would save Lo’ak next time he wants to play tag with a thanator?”

Jake ruffled your braids in response to your surmise, clearly holding back a smile.

“Where would I be without ya, kid?”

You shrugged, handing him another half of the freshly cut fruit.

“Probably in one of those healing homes back on earth.”

“You mean nursing homes.”

“Same thing.”

Jake shook his head, letting out a sigh, knowing it was probably spider who taught you such a term.

He glanced around again, brushing in the scenery.

A silence commences between you both, the soft shrills and distant flap of wings within the deep jungle is the only sound that demands attention.

Jake speaks softly, breaking the silence with fragile, yet scrambled steps.

“She never fails to take my breath away.”

You look up at him, watching as he leaned back against the tree, letting his eyes flutter closed.

“Who?” you whisper.

“Pandora.”

He hums in response.

you often forgot Jake wasn’t from this planet. That his true home could only be seen as the sirius among scattered stars. What was it like? Seeing your home from below? The only thing worth touching is the implacable incarnation of your memories.

To hide what was left of yourself, a mere ghost that lingered in the wrinkled corners of your mind.

“What was it like..your home?”

You whispered.

Jake’s ears perk up, his eyes landing on you as he sat up slightly.

He stayed quiet for a moment. Staring up at the sky, his finger gently tracing one of the stripes on his leg as his gaze remained absent.

“It’s like living on a skeleton.”

When he finally speaks, it's quite literally the last thing you would have guessed he would say.

You raised your eyebrow.

“A skeleton..?”

He nodded.

“Earth is just a shell. Like the carcass of an animal. A corpse, almost.”

“I don’t understand.”

He nodded, scooting a bit closer to you, starting to speak again.

“Earth used to be beautiful. So many colors you couldn’t count them all.” 

You nodded, trying to imagine the formless figment of a world in which you’ve never seen.

He closed his eyes, as if trying to remember.

“There was light, lots of it. The air, the sun, the stars…”

You blinked at him.

“What happened to it?”

Jake paused, something creeping behind the orbs of his irises. It's a sickening dark shade of a color he can’t remember, but its bitter aching bones are enough to weaken the courage of a once strong rhythmic heartbeat.

It’s a shadow of an echo. Gutted inside something hollow and carved out of shivering pulses running to a soured stillness.

“Humans will take until nothing is left. They will gawk at the lights of a stupid billboard instead of noticing the dying grass under their feet.”

What's a billboard? 

You thought, but decided not to ask.

You stayed quiet, staring at the ground.

“That’s why they want this planet. Because they killed their old one.”

Jake nods, sighing almost regretfully.

“They think the na’vi is their greatest enemy, when really, the ones who have killed the most humans are…well, more humans.”

You can’t imagine it. Taking a life without regarding the soul you have soiled. Does the red on their hands not sting their eyes?

And that's when you realized it.

Death hummed shallowly in its own pulsating methods. But even the devil has an advocate.

You killed. You have killed many. And it doesn’t seem to register until that very moment. You never thought to count the number of raids you had accompanied your clan on, Jake appointed you as his main archer when you were only 15.

When rage and grief overshadowed the shallowness of sunlight all you wanted to do was avenge.

An untamed anger was born in you when your parents died. And you swore every arrow you ever shot was in their names.

Zensira.

Kai’lik.

Zensira.

Kai’lik.

How would they look at you now? 

Their little girl. The little girl they loved. Their beautiful, beautiful precious girl who loved to hear her mother sing. Their little girl who loved to carry your big brother spider around, (because your big brother wasn’t so big compared to you.)

Who loved to visit the pond and play with lo’ak. Who liked to make bracelets with kiri and get thrown into the lake by your dad, tossing around your small body when you were 7 as you squealed through the freshwater air.

A killer.

“Y/n? Y/n. Hey, hey, what’s wrong?”

Jake placed a hand on your shoulder, but his touch felt cold.

Jake’s voice sounded like your head was under water. Blurred, distant sounds.

Your breath becomes shallow, but you weren’t hyperventilating. You were just…still.

What if you had failed them? What if they were watching you right now?

Knowing you had killed. Not hunted.

Hunting was for survival. To feed your family, your friends, your clan.

This was killing. This wasn’t a need. It was a want. A want for vengeance.

Were you even a na’vi at all? Killing without respect for life even if they were a human.

Your mother forgave. Your father forgot.

And what were you? A disgrace of everything they stood for.

Your voice came out like a whisper. Every thought and feeling swirling around in your head. Despite your silent panic, the air felt eerily calm, and almost mocking ambience.

“Did I disappoint them?”

Jake stilled for a moment, rubbing your back.

“Who?”

“All of them.”

“All of them?”

You swallowed thickly.

“Y/n..you know you can talk to me, right?”

You nodded, staying quiet for a moment as you stared down at your shaking hands.

“Am I a bad person?”

Jake’s eyes widen a bit for a moment, his hand slowly withdrawals from its place on your shoulder.

“Why would you think that?”

“Because sometimes I like the way pain feels.”

Something clicked for Jake at that moment. 

Where you saw your hand bloodied by a manic anger and bones with regretful splintered scars, Jake saw a shadow. A shadow of a distressed consciousness that he once acquainted himself with.

Jake was no stranger to products of war. Even when those products were souls losing their vibrancy. The colors fading into hardened flesh.

Jake had seen war turn people into hollow shells. Unheard prayer scattered and dissipated under a blood-stained sky.

Jake finally spoke, but his words, slow and somber, treaded a steeper meaning.

“You aren’t a bad person, Y/n. You’ve been hurt. Hurt by people even eywa cannot forgive.”

You shook your head, the threat canvassed along perpetual doubts.

“I don’t know why I’m like this.”

You admitted.

Jake places his hand back on your shoulder again.

“Sometimes people like us, soldiers, we start to like the pain because we think it’s the only thing we'll ever deserve. But we don’t like it at all. Not really.”

You can almost see it. The stars are falling again. The tapestry thread being pulled mercilessly. The colors are falling. The sun is turning cold. 

You had to catch them. You had to chase the colors or else they would abandon you again.

Your reflection seems distorted. Liquid glass in the taunting shape of a little girl.

A little girl who knew no bloodshed. No war. No pain. No anger.

You would never be that little girl again. And its all your fault. You wanted to kill someone after your parents died. You wanted to kill every single human that worked for the RDA or even set foot on their base.

It’s sick.

It’s wrong.

It’s vile.

But its you. This wreckage of scars and bruises, tattered tapestries and broken bird songs, its all you.

That all too familiar sting hit the back of your throat, you could feel your gaze numbing.

“I’m beyond fixing.”

You whispered.

“No one is beyond fixing.”

He promised.

“Can you take some deep breaths with me? Just a few, Y/n.”

You followed his instructions, and the red started to simmer away. The air felt forgiving once again, and your throat started to feel normal once again.

You spoke again finally, after a few moments of silence.

“Maybe I should have my na’vi card revoked.”

You chuckled dryly.

Jake patted your back. “You and me both, kiddo.”

“What you feel is normal.”

He added.

“That anger. That vengeance.”

You glanced up at him. “Na’vi are supposed to solve conflict peacefully first. War is just a last resort.”

Jake scoffed.

“I think we’ve reached the last resort awhile ago, Sweetheart.”

You went to speak, but were quickly cut off.

“y/n you are not some kind of psychopath. You don’t kill for no reason. You kill to protect. You fight because something dear to you is threatened, that's what makes a warrior true to their heart, their clan.”

His words eased your anxiety a bit. But the shadow behind the sun still creeped disguised under the warmth of forgiveness.

“I’m not a bad person. I don’t know why I want them to feel pain.”

You whispered.

Sometimes you wondered if pretending to be made out of stone means you’d still break like glass.

War was the type of calm that tranquilized. Drugged you into delusions of comfort.

Somewhere inside you was that little girl. She hates you. She hates you with all her heart.

Somewhere inside you is that 15 year old that’s waiting for neteyam in the rain you swear is just falling stars. She hates you. She hates you with all  her heart.

Somewhere inside you is your mothers daughter. Wondering who did this to you.

You didn’t like violence But you were prone to it. 

You didn’t like war. But you're afraid of the day it no longer has a use for you.

War ruined you. Because war made you angry. And anger tortured you.

You weren’t deserving of sunlight, maybe that's why you familiarize yourself with the bleakness of dusk.

Maybe that’s why you loved Neteyam.

Maybe that’s why you hated yourself.

Maybe that’s why you’ve trained yourself with blood stains and tear tracks.

Your mother was forgiving. She adopted a human child after watching her family die, and hometree fall.

She devoted herself to eywa, a woman true to the kindness of her heart and the flame of forgiveness.

She had seen fire and escaped it.

You had seen fire and burned with it.

The shackles on your wrist. The burning in your throat.

You were a child forced into a warrior.

And maybe it was time to heal, but why didn’t it allow you?

This shadow oppressed you. And maybe this prolonged insanity was a good sanctuary to be understood, not severed. Your bones were made of seared iron, the fissure of a once porcelain excellence.

War had ruined you. And ruined things didn’t deserve to be loved.

Jake pulled you close to him, wrapping an arm around you, you leaned your head on his shoulder.

“You’re one of the fucking strongest people i know. You know that?”

He whispered, and the simplicity of his touch settled an almost agonizing comfort.

“Can you fix me?”

You whisper.

Jake shook his head.

“Y/n.  You are not something to be fixed. You need to be healed. And I know you can do it. And we’ll be right beside you the whole damn time.”

You let yourself close your eyes.

“You're a soldier, kid. Just like me. A fighter.  It’s all we think we know, all we think we’ll ever deserve. We swear to live and die on that battlefield.”

You nod.

“Sometimes it feels like the battlefield is the closest to home.”

Jake speaks once more,

“Until you find someone who feels a little closer.”

By the way he smiled softly, you knew he was talking about Neytiri.

You leaned further into his shoulder, and he patted your back.

“You know, back on earth, we have a special way of dealing with cases like these. Soidlers who need trauma relief.”

You blinked at him, immediately intrigued.

“You do? How?”

“Therapy.”

You tried the strange human word out on your tongue.

“Ther…ah…pey-

There-a-pay-”

“Therapy.”

Jake corrected gently.

“What’s that?” You asked, as Jake stood up, putting his knife back in his sheath.

“Its where you go to someone who can help you talk things out. Iv’e seen a few back in my days. Military psychologists are what we call em’.”

You raised your eyebrow.

From spending time with max, norm, and spider, you knew that humans had a different way of dealing with their feelings than na’vi did. But this new information peaked your interest.

“How can i find one?”

Jake paused.

That’s a damn good question.

He thought to himself.

He hummed for a moment, petting bobs neck and you put your bow back in its place on your saddle.

“How about this, every few days, you and I can meet.”

Jake proposed.

You raised your eyebrows.

“Where?”

He shrugged. “Anywhere you want. We can go to one of the mountains, or the stream, or the caves, whatever. It can be private. And we can talk like you would to a therapist.”

You considered it for a moment, but after all, maybe this would fix you.

You shook on it and agreed.

“Deal.”

Jake ruffled your braids and smiled.

“Attagirl. Lets get moving. Those yerik are probably at the lake by now. I’ll race you.”

You mounted Kailo, rolling your eyes.

“I don’t abuse the elderly.”

“Oh fuck off i’m not that old.”

You faked a wince as jake mounted Bob.

“Oo, careful grandpa. You shouldn't be moving too much like that.”

Jake flipped you off.

“Kiss the darkest side of my blue as-”

Before he could finish, You and Kailo took to the skies. 

☾𖤓✮⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾𖤓 ⋆⁺₊⋆☾𖤓✮⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾𖤓 ⋆⁺₊⋆☾𖤓✮⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾𖤓 ⋆⁺₊⋆☾𖤓✮⋆⁺₊⋆ 

Back at high camp..

Neteyam’s pov:

Lo’ak groaned as he laid in his hammock.

Today felt like small pieces had been torn out of it. The absence of my father, my mother, Kiri and Y/n all contributed to this unease.

It fascinating how easily little pieces of things leave something so unstructured when certain routines in your life undergoes a sudden cessation. Only fragments of familiarity keep me company today.

Oh, yeah. That and Lo’ak’s bitching.

I’m never one to complain. Not really. But Lo’ak…He was my personal acception.

I’ve been stuck with him since this morning. My father took Y/n out to hunt early before I awoke, and my mother and Kiri have gone to assist my grandmother in the Tsahik tent. Lo’ak lost his flight privileges after that little stunt he pulled during the raid, and I don’t feel like going anywhere alone. I offered to join my father last night on his hunt this morning, but my father insisted he and Y/n go hunting alone.

I offered to help my grandmother, but Kiri beat me to it. My mother asked me to stay home and start preparing for tonights meal. So here i was hunched over chopping up root vegetables while I was stuck in this void we called home. I felt detached today. Like the world just floated around me while I remained rooted like a weathering tree.

My accidental overhearing over my sister and Y/n talking last night is still fresh on my mind.

“Dude..I think you’re done with that one.”

Lo’ak’s voice finally reaches my ears.

I lift my head, and he points down to where i had clearly been so distracted, i had diced the poor vegetable into tiny pieces, too small to be cooked over a fire. They would shrivel away in the smoke.

I threw them to the side, trying to refocus.

“What is up with you today?” Lo’ak interrogates instead of asking. I keep my eyes down, shrugging.

“Nothing. Why?”

He shrugs, mocking my movements, leaning back in his hammock, leaving his leg to dangle, his toes brushing the ground.

“Dunno. You just seem kinda…off?”

I sigh, scraping the new batch of chopped vegetables off the carved board i was cutting them on and into the wooden bowl with my knife.

“Just a bit tired. I didn’t get much sleep last night”

Technically, that wasn’t a lie. Which seems in my favor, if you remember from earlier, I’m a shit liar. 

Memory was a funny thing. It claws at your mind until you grant it consciousness, and then it romances itself with such scandalous notions. Unforgiving us for ever dreaming of forgetting.

It wants to awake something in us that we can only pray stays dead.

I knew I shouldn't have been listening to Y/n’s words. I knew I should have been asleep.

But know that it’s found me, it captures me.

I want to exist in her mind not only as a figment, because there’s one particular part that is beating the shit out of me.

‘I don’t hate him anymore. I hate the delusions of himself he put inside my head.’

I used to think she only hated me. Hated me for my ignorance, my hesitance, my fear.

I hated it too.

But no. She hated me because she thought i lied to her, gave her something so precious, so inexplicably binding only to shatter it infront of her eyes.

My love for her was never a lie. It was never a joke, or a ruse, or a figment in this phantom of longing that looms over me. 

I couldn’t allow this to go on any longer. That I knew for sure.

Unfortunately, getting to Y/n was a wall i couldn’t seem to climb.

When she wasn’t out hunting or strategizing air strikes with my father, she was with spider, and Spider didn’t let me go within 5 feet of Y/n.

I had to admire him for it, despite him becoming a vicissitude in the middle of my current mission, I had to give him some slack as a fellow oldest sibling.

If anyone had hurt kiri, or tuk (when she came of age to engage in such ‘romantic affairs’) ,  if anyone hurt them the way I hurt y/n, I’d probably have to put my mother’s years of archery lessons to use. Granted, My father would probably skin the poor bastard and wear him as a coat before I even got a chance.

I can’t blame him for protecting Y/n. 

I try to think further as i continue chopping, my tail flicking behind me.

I decide Kiri is my best option. I’ll find her when she returns from Tsahik’s tent. Eywa please, just give me one chance. I swear i’ll-

“Where’s Tuk?”

Lo’ak suddenly pipes up, he probably got bored with his own laziness.

I glance up at him as i scarped off my knife.

“Kyuna picked her up this morning to take her to play with popiti for the day.”

Lo’ak raised an eyebrow.

“Kyuna?”

I nodded, not looking up.

“Your new mate?”

I don’t like the way he said ‘new mate’. As if i had one in the first place.

I shake my head, slightly annoyed.

“She’s not my mate. I’m not interested in kyuna.”

“Tuk said-”

“Tuk doesnt know what shes talking about.”

Lo’ak shrugs, leaning back to sit up a bit, looking at me with skeptical eyes.

“What’s really going on with you?”

“I don’t know what you speak of.”

He scoffs. “I’m not stupid, Neteyam. You’re acting off. You have all morning, all day, and even now. Whats the deal?”

I place my knife down, glaring at my brother.

“I don’t owe you an explanation. Okay?”

The tent falls silent, and I continue on with my chores, I hear Lo’ak mutter a small apology under his breath. I cave.

“No, I’m just tired..I shouldn’t have snapped like that.”

Lo’ak nods, fidgeting with his songchord.

“If you don’t want kyuna…You aren’t thinking about Y/n. right?”

Lo’ak was more than displeased when I started courting y/n. And he didn’t try to hide it either.

Lo’ak loves y/n. Not romantically. But he loves her. 

It’s the kind of closeness that isn’t sex or intimately deep.

Lo’ak always felt like the distant star in our family. The one who strays from the perfect rotation of each patterned path.

His hands were stained with hunger. Imperfect painted sun blood stained skies.

Lo’ak’s trust in us was ghostly and transluscent. He didn’t always feel like he fit the shape carved for him.

Lo’ak’s imperfect edges, sharpened and rough, scarred and edged to a point.

He found his place between Spider and Y/n. His bestest friends. Two people he would die for.

Found his own sky.

Dark blue and purple hues and the warmth of pale moonlight, he found his place.

When Lo’ak found something that accepted him, he protected it with his life.

And I can’t blame him. Being in love your brother's best friend is awkward. 

Lo’ak was afraid of me stealing that away from him.

Of me invading his circle.

The reality of a sacrifice is an odd, unevenly constructed abstraction.

People don’t think I was born from my mother, rather I was carved from stone and polished to a pristine hue of gold.

My parents expected me to build myself wings and fly further than anyone had ever tried.

When the line wasn’t perfectly straight, it was erased and made a new slate. Blank. Perfect. Spotless.

And sometimes, I’m not neteyam to my parents.

I’m my mother, just a younger version.

I am my father, worn thin from a war and plagued by my past promises.

I’m just a shell of something that was no more. Something to refill with their own pieces of the past.

My skin and soul is only stitched out of parts of them. But only the unscathed parts.

Anything that dared to be less than that was indescent. Unworthy of the light.

My mother’s anger, my fathers guilt, was a far too discolored shade to be seen in the sky.

My existence was like a kaleidoscope of muted colors. A prism turned prison.

I think I’ve forgotten how to slouch. How to sit with an unwelcome posture. How to fidget and how to fantasize.

My entire life is full of sacrifices.

Sacrificing y/n for my future.

Sacrificing my brothers best friend. My future mate.

But I’ll be damned if I loose her again.

So, I lie for the second time.

“No. I wasn’t thinking about y/n, idiot.”

Lo’ak nods,

Leaning back, closing his eyes. I mentally high five eywa because he doesn’t interrogate me further.

“You know, instead of taking a nap, you could be helping me.”

I huff, and fight the urge to roll my eyes, and he sighs dramatically.

“Neteyam, I’m too pretty for slave labor.”

I throw a vegetable at his head and he hisses in pain.

“Fuck you. That’s sibling abuse.”

He whines.

“I’m about to abuse my responsibilities with this knife if you don’t get up off your lazy ass and do something useful with your existence.”

I point my knife at him and he groans, standing up and leaving the hammock.

“Easy there, big bro. Spider will be here soon.”

I raise my brow, an uneasy feeling settling in my chest.

“Spider? Here?”

He nods.

“Yeah. We have chores to do too, ya know.”

I shake my head, slicing the new vegetable horizontally, watching the colored juices trickle down the roots and stain the cutting board.

“No. Not here. You know how mother feels about spider.”

Spider was my mother’s foil. An old term our father taught us.

My mother owed Zensira her life. And she swore to her a long time ago, that if anything happened to her or ka’lik, she would step up to be a mother to y/n, the same went for my father.

But Zensira didn’t have one child. She had two. Spider was not biologically her child, but he was treated like her son all the same. Living in Y/n’s family’s tent, being cared for, the same way any mother would nurture a child.

My mother made promises for y/n. But she never made any for spider.

I don’t think she ever will.

To her, he was a demon. And alien. The type of animal with no hope of survival, but refuses to die. Remains unyielding even under the unwelcoming atmosphere of pandora.

He was an actor. A pathetic excuse of a performance.  A pale child painted blue.

My mother loves y/n the same way she loves tuk and Kiri. Would go the same lengths for her as she would for any of her children, and the same thing applies to my father.

Spider was allowed everywhere in high camp except our family’s hut.

My grandmothers hut was an exception, because it was a communal place in our clan. 

But my mother refused to have any sky demon’s presence scathe the memories of her home. Her only safe place. Where she raised her children and started her new life.

That’s probably why Lo’ak spent so much time at Y/n’s hut when he was little. It was one of the only places he could be comfortably with both Y/n and Spider at the same time.

“You know how mom feels about spider in the hut.”

Lo’ak’s expression is blanked with disinhibited concern and a genuine lack of guilt.

“Mom isn’t here. She’ll be gone all day. Plus, we’re making y/n some new arrows. She’s on that group hunt tonight.”

I crossed my arms.

“And who allowed you to mess with her supplies?”

Lo’ak scoffed. Placing his hands on his hips with a cocky grin.

“The mighty archer herself. I’ve been appointed by Y/n and tasked with a very important job. Who am I to decline her?”

“Just make sure he isn’t here for long. She can smell him if he’s been in here. You know mom’s senses.”

Lo’ak waves me off, standing to his feet, grabbing the small baskets of purple and red feathers y/n used for the fletching of her arrows, and starts to tie them to the shaft of the arrow.

Spider joined him not long after, the two if them sat in the middle of the tent, crafting arrows and talking.

Spider glanced at me after finishing another arrow.

“So where is everyone today?”

“Father took Y/n hunting. My mother and Kiri are assisting grandmother- and Tuk is with popiti.”

Spider raised an eyebrow at me, his mask fogging up momentarily with each breath.

“Who? Popiti?”

Lo’ak rolled his eyes.

“Kyuna’s little sister.”

Spider nodded in realization, then his expression soured.

Lo’ak snorted. “Neteyam’s new mate.”

“For the 5th time, she’s not my mate.”

Spider chuckles along with him and I swear i’m losing neurons from just breathing the same air as Lo’ak and Spider.

Or really, just Lo’ak.

I stood to my feet as i heard footsteps outside. Tuk must’ve  finished up her activities with Popiti for the day.

Usually, It was An’kora. Popiti’s mother, who walked Tuk home in the afternoons.

But when I opened the flap. I’m faced with a face that isn’t my little sister, her braids slightly disheveled from a day of wild fantasies and games of tag. 

A na’vi girl, with mid length braids and a beaded top smiles at me so sweetly it’s sickening. 

You know those kinds of people that you've known since your childhood, and you always knew in one way or another, they would grow up to be assholes?

Yeah. That's Kyuna.

Kyuna was the girl that never let Spider or Kiri, Or Lo’ak play any of her games because of their ‘sky people germs'. 

Kyuna was the girl that told everyone not to sit next to Y/n in the communal lessons we attend as children, telling everyone that she lived with a human boy who gave her diseases.

She does this thing where she laughs into her hand, and leans on the person closest to her, expecting them to allow her access nto their personal space as if the world had her name written on it.

She bows slightly, her movements unnecessarily exaggerated as she raises her two fingers to her forehead and dips them down.

“Oel ngati kameie, Neteyam.”

I return the gesture, nodding at her.

“Kyuna. It’s good to see you.”

No it’s not.

She bats her eyes at me, and my annoyance only simmers away when a familiar smaller na’vi body slams herself into my leg, pressing her head into my hip.

I chuckle softly, ruffling Tuk’s braids.

“Hey Tuk-Tuk. Did you have a fun time?”

I pat her shoulder as she opens her mouth to speak, her big eyes sparkling before she’s cut off by a shriek-like voice.

“Oh she had tons of fun! Her and Popiti just ran around for hours playing their silly little games.”

When you're an older sibling, you start to catch onto things. You start to memorize your younger siblings' habits, mannerisms, movements, even the slightest twitch of their tail. 

Tuk was a creature of habit. And I could tell by the way she gently tugged on my loincloth, and the way she tucked herself behind my arm, she was uncomfortable.

I reach my hand out, and she takes it within a split second, gently borrowing herself in the space behind me.

I lean down a bit, keeping my hand in it’s place on her shoulder.

“Are you hungry? Why don’t you go on inside, yes? Spider and Lo’ak are already sitting. I’m sure Lo’ak would love to make you some seed-leaf wraps.”

Her tail flicks at the mention of her favorite snack, and she finally cracks a smile, before jogging inside.

“She’s adorable. Isn’t she??”

Kyuna sighs in an almost dreamily manner, I stand up straight again to face her.

“My mother was informed An’kora was taking Tuk home today. Did something come up?”

She waves me off, ridding my concern from the air.

“Mother got tied up on foraging duty. I figured I'd watch the girls and walk Tuk home.”

I nod, slowly. “Ah. Well, thank you for taking her home.”

She smiles, tilting her head like a viperwolf begging for scraps.

“Oh. No need to thank me. She’s precious, that little Tuktirey.”

I never liked the way she talked about my sister. Her tone was almost mocking, as if she was describing a doll or some kind of inanimate object. 

“Well. I should get going. I don’t trust lo’ak alone with the firepit and Tuk is probably hungry-”

“My father wanted me to invite you on his next hunt. Are you free midday tomorrow?”

I wasn’t surprised when she offered. It’s all she talked about the last 4 times I had saw her.

The one time I did agree, all the man would talk about was what kinds of flowers Kyuna liked, and how no one had courted her yet.

My eywa, I wonder why.

There’s an unsteady rhythm that inhabits itself in my chest. The kind that sets off warning signals in your brain.

I scratch the back of my head awkwardly, my knuckle brushing my tswin.

“It’s a kind offer, really. But I’m already expected to join the night hunt tonight. The one led by y/n and my father.”

She stared at me with some notion of unrequited enamour, and I almost feel bad for her.

“I’m sorry. Maybe another time?”

She nods, her tail swishing behind her.”

“Of course. I’d expect nothing less from the future olo’eyktan of our clan.”

The emphasis on my title seems almost slurred, and my body instinctively takes a step back the moment she takes a step forward.

“Yes, well, my training has only been increasing.”

“Such a strong warrior. A man of the people. I’m surprised you don’t have the women of our clan falling at your feet. Oh, wait You do!”

Why was she yelling? I’m literally two feet in front of her.

I shifted uncomfortably on my feet.

“I should get back inside, kyuna.”

“One more thing, Neteyam?”

I don’t turn my body fully towards her, but my eyes focus on her figure nonetheless.

“There’s been rumors.”

Something twists in my stomach the moment she says that. Like a static running blank. Or soundwaves straightening into lines.

“What?”

“People talk. And there’s been word that the future olo’eyktan of our people will never find his tsahik.”

I groan, dragging my palm down my face.

“Don’t bother me with such matters, Kyuna. All this talk of the future that is too far away to be treading towards. My father is too stubborn to give up his place that fast. He will remain olo’eyktan for a long time before I take his place.”

She shrugs, crossing her arms.

“All i’m saying is..”

She takes another step, her chest nearly touching mine.

“You are wanted for more than you think. The women of this clan practically swoon over the thought of being by your side, and you haven’t even blinked at them.”

I click my tongue, averting my eyes.

“My future mate is none of your business. Nor is it the clans. Not now, at least.”

She goes to speak; but before she can utter her next words, Lo’ak came stumbling out of the tent with a less than pleased expression on his face.

“Bro.”

He tugs on my arm, gagging exaggeratingly.

“Tuk threw up- it’s a mess in there. Whatever Kyuna fed her is NOT sitting well.”

I blink at my brother, but it quickly registers that something wasn’t right.

“Are you sure? She seemed fine when she came home-“

“Dude. I know barf when I see it.

She must have ate something bad at Popiti’s.”

Kyuna was stunned, crossing her arms in an offended manner.

“I beg your pardon? Tuk didn’t eat anything at my place today.”

Lo’ak scoffed.

“Uh huh. Sure. You’re probably just trying to poison my sister. Aren’t you? Our father will be hearing about this!”

My main concern at the moment is Tuk.

“Excuse me-“

I muttered to Kyuna as an excuse for a goodbye, shoving past Lo’ak to my family’s tent, expecting to see a poor Tuktirey doubled over, regurgitating what was either late breakfast or early lunch, when instead all that comes into view is Tuk sitting cross-legged next to spider, as he starts methodically picking out some of the different seeds from the assorted bowls we used to prepare our meals. As he sat making leaf wraps for a suspiciously fine looking Tuk.

I crouched down next to her, feeling her forehead and keeping a hand gently on her back.

“Are you okay, Tuk?”

She nodded, blinking up at me.

My eyes flicker up when Lo’ak enters the tent, whistling as if nothing just happened.

“Lo’ak, Tuk seems fine..”

I trail off.

He winks at me.

“Your welcome. Kyuna left us in peace.”

Pain in the ass or not, I have to admit, Lo’ak was smarter than we give him credit for.

when I finally finished peeling the vegetables, I left them in their basket and enjoyed a break with Tuk, Lo’ak, and Spider.

We all sat eating Spider’s very poor excuse of a seed-leaf wrap. But they worked, for some odd reason no one could place.

Spider didn’t eat, because of his mask, so i guess he settled for conversation.

“So, Tuk. How was your playdate?”

Tuk nods eagerly, talking through a mouth full of seed-wrap.

I reach for the extra cloth in my loincloth pocket, letting her wipe her mouth before speaking normally again.

“It was fun. But I don't think I like Kyuna anymore.”

Lo’ak scoffed, high fiving tuk.

 “Put er’ there sis. Neither do I. She’s a bitch.”

“Lo’ak. Language.” I scold, smacking his head lightly.

He rolls his eyes.

“Fine. Shes a B-I-T-C-H. Better?” Spider laughs. Leaning back.

Lo’ak shoves him.

“Oh and what’s so funny? Mr, ‘i’m afraid of women’?”

Spider shakes his head, raising his pointer finger to poke lo’aks chest.

“Correction. I’m afraid of your mother and Y/n.”

“Everyones afraid of Y/n.”

I ignore Lo’ak and Spider’s bickering, turning my attention to Tuk.

“Was Kyuna bothering you?”

She shook her head, taking another bite. Speaking through a mouth full of food

“Nuh-uh. But she kept asking me if you were home, and if you had received any courting gifts yet, or if you wanted to go hunting with her.”

I bit my tongue, smoothing down some of tuk’s stray braids.

“How about this, Next time, I’ll walk you home from Popiti’s.”

She nodded and took another bite of her food.

“I don’t think she should be your mate anymore”

Tuk shakes her head disapprovingly, crossing her arms over her chest.

Spider raises an eyebrow.

“Kyuna and you are a mated pair? Since when?”

Lo’ak snickers and I groan.

“For the last time, she is not my mate.”

Tuk blinks at me before speaking again.

“Can you mate with y/n instead? She’s nicer.”

I shove another leaf wrap into her hands.

“How about we play the quiet game for a bit?”

☾𖤓✮⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾𖤓 ⋆⁺₊⋆☾𖤓✮⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾𖤓 ⋆⁺₊⋆☾𖤓✮⋆⁺���⋆ ☾𖤓 ⋆⁺₊⋆☾𖤓✮⋆⁺₊⋆

Hello my lovely virago readers! So because tumblr didn’t like my original 28k words version of this chapter, iv’e split this into 3 parts. This is part 1 of chapter 3. Part 2 and 3 will be posted straight after. 

Thank you for your patience!

Please don’t forget to comment your favorite quote, dynamic, or moment!

Taglist

@mntx666

@isnt-itstrange

@thebestrouge

@bay7let

@fairuzwhat

@jackiehollanderr

@6423btw

@satesatesate2009

@0stargirl0

@heavenlysstuff

@dayyzlol

@iheartamajiki

[alice-ar-na]

UNDERWORLD SAGA- MY THOUGHTS

My goodness you guys do I have thoughts.

FIRST- the way this is such an ensemble heavy saga the 'all i hear are screams' in the first song WOW. Its because they have the whole crew back. They're singing with everyone, and I hadn't realised how much independent and almost quiet it had gotten during the circe saga, which speaks as a metaphor in itself

SECOND- Polites is back!!! Thank youuuuu actual tears were falling, the way odysseus' voice breaks when he says his name, similarly to his mother (regarding his mum, holy moly [pun intended] he didn't know she was dead- the guilt he must feel 'i took too long' broke me) polities that sweetheart, I can imagine even his ghost is so encouraging to the crew that's left on the journey, they needed that guy for morale big time.

THIRD- aight onto the prophet, anyone who read the odyssey is screaming rn, the foreshadowing is soo good but mysterious and twisted enough that it fits greek prophecies soooo well. Piggybacking off that 'palace in red' when we get to the suitors that shit is going to POP OFF damn it I cannot wait. Mentions of penelope being under pursuit. The WHO?!?!?!? Oh. My. Gods YES THAT WAS BRILLIANT. he's so angry and he loves his wife so much, I will never stop gushing over the two of them. Perfect.

FOURTH- the third song, pretty sure I screamed. The tension. The foreshadowing. The regret. The guilt. IT HAS EVERYTHING. All the references back to previous events, giving perspective from the other characters to stop portraying them like the enemies is so so important for the legacy of greek mythology. Perspective is everything. Onto THE BRIDGE!! HELLO? THIS MAN IS BOTH A GENIUS AND ACTUALLY INSANE. HE IS A MADMAN AND I LOVE IT. Drop another infant from a wall..... I actually have no words that is insanely cool. Odysseus has changed so much. Athena needs to hit him up again, now he'd kill for his people, you can see just how tired he is and how much he wants to go home. He's scared for penelope and telemachus, literally nothing else matters anymore.

Overall. 10/10 and this is only HALF WAY can it even get better than this??

[autoantonyms]

I’m finally home now so I guess it’s time for my Joker Out Utrecht gig report

- I had to wake up at an ungodly hour to catch my trains and the JO traveling curse really chose to fuck me over that day. My original 3 hour train journey turned into a 6 1/2 hour nightmare of delays and unexpected route changes. In the end I made it and I mean it was totally worth it!!

- i was going alone again and I expected to make new friends (like the last time as well) which I did! I met so many amazing people, finally got to know some of my mutuals and I can‘t wait to see (almost) all of you on Sunday again! 🫶🏻

- the queuing situation was a bit chaotic (GA) and before the doors opened I felt like passing out at one point cause we were all just smushed together and the air was so bad you couldn’t really breathe

- Raciks art looked so small on the big stage but it is so beautiful!

- Lorem Ipsum was so good!! I haven’t really checked them out before hand but I was positively surprised. The singer has a really beautiful voice and she was getting a little emotional seeing the reaction from the crowd, which I thought was so cute. Some of their songs already made it into my playlist. I can only recommend checking them out. (Even tho I have to admit they sound *way* better live)

- JC Stewart was also very entertaining. His voice is so good omg.

- seeing the boys on stage again was just as surreal as the last time but I loved every second of it.

- first of all the outfits. Like Bojans Shirt. With the fucking lipstick stain. I’m deceased (Lets all thank Maike for the beautiful Shirt). Kris very very good fitting pants were also a highlight of the night. And Jure wearing eyeliner again 😩 holy moly

- Bojan sounded so sick. It doesn’t really come off like that in the videos but you could really hear it live.

- The setlist was nice, I got all of my favorites so I can’t really complain. But sadly no Demoni scream and no NGVOT :((

- Kris was actively working against me this time. Everytime I’d taken my phone out to take a video of him, he fucking disappeared and everytime I was just enjoying the show he stood right in front of me. (Baby I need visual reminders that I saw you 😭)

- I enjoyed the prolonged version of UM and it was nice seeing Bojan in the crowd but the only thing going through my mind was: „This man is so short“ But I love my short king <3

- Kris trying to place the dutch flag on his microphone stand was so cute. The way he looked at it to make sure it wasn’t falling off 😩

- Hearing Everybody’s waiting live for the first time really made me emotional af. That was something I was expecting but damn. I can relate to that song way too much, so it hit me hard. Also Bojan asking us something along the lines of „do you also have panic attacks?“ and the crowd went screaming „yeahh“ and he was like „yuhu let’s go panic attacks“ idk I thought that was funny

Overall I‘m very happy that I went to that gig and I can’t wait for Cologne and Munich!

[madrone33]

Listened to the Circe Saga last night! (I'm in the superior timezone, 15 hours before the americans lol /j) Absolutely incredible, did not disappoint!

Here's the notes I hastily typed out during and afterwards lol:

Puppeteer:

The plucked guitar in that melody, thinking of Polites fr fr

Eurylochus sounds less autotune than in the snippet. Musta been compression.

Fuck i can't believe i'm actually listnening to it!!!

The time skip is wind I think?

"Inside we heaard a voiiice!" SO GOOD! SO SMOOTH! I LOVE IT!

Those deep strings tho- oof so good!

"What." HAHA add it to the count XD

CIRCE! It's fucking Circe!!!! Her little riff on "Go ahead and rest where-ver you liiiike!"

The party music is really cool

Her voice at "This is the price" is angelic!

Huh. The party music comes back in the Eury and Ody second verse, but it's weirdly off beat.

Second vese is a bit different from the old snippet. Ody is less... soft sounding?

Ok time to write down the overlapping lyrics.

Yeah I still don't really understand Circe's lines rip

Also, Ody's final line is strangely not emphasised a lot? It's easy to miss behind Circe.

Wouldn't You Like:

Hermes giggles are so mischievous lmao

Ody is shocked and awed at seeing his Great-Grandfather while Hermes is just there for the lols

OOOF YES! The fucking amazing bass in the first chorus!!

The rising and descending harp!

"She can TURN you into an a-ni-mal!" I'm smiling so hard rn, it's HERMES

Here in the root of this flower! So smooooth

That high note on "bEING of your cre-A-tion!" Hell yes!

Not how I imagined that Holy Moly part ngl. Thought it'd pause for a beat to let the joke sink in with Ody's "Ah." being very dry, but whatever, it works, I'm sure I'll get used to it!

Also the beat transition to the end chorus reminds me of Micheal Jackson? Or- wait. Did I just get rick rolled??

The end chorus with all the harmonising vocals and the chorus and Ody' high riffs!! It's so damn GROOVEY

Ody sounds so happy and grateful awww

Pffft Hermes that's cold bro. So blase and teasing. Also yeah, lowkey King George vibes lol.

Done For:

The ELECTIC GUITAR!!

Ody is so sassy passive agressive lmao

The LFOs!!

The chimera roar snarl is very cool!

Ody is one cocky snarky mf

Circe is bitching and sassing and sounds so done with Hermes and Ody both lmao

The HARMONIES ON THE LAST CHORUS!!!

The LFOs and electric guitar mixing!

The sound effects of the BOSS BATTLE! The heavy thuds of footsteps and the snarls. Also that's one sharp sounding sword

There Are Other Ways:

The waltzy sounding strings are so pretty!

Que the key change! And more fantastic overlapping hamonising vocals!

The... hand- drum thing? Took me off guard, still not sure if I like it.

The abrupt "I CANT." YOU TELL HER ODY!! Bro I was so tense without know how he was gonna get out of that.

Not the Penelope stringssss!! *adoring sigh* The Penelope strings... It's so fucking cool how you can just immediately tell exactly who he's thinking about.

"She's my everything... My Penelope..." AHHHHH

Just now realising that Ody tells Circe "Back at home my wife awaits for me" and Circe respects that and helps him, while him telling Calypso that Penelope's his wife doesn't deter her in the slightest. Yeah.

"12 long years" Timeline lore? Write that down write that down!

God of Tides is such a cool epithet

The "Circe" and "mercy" rhyme took me off guard in the best of ways.

And then he hits me with the breathy high "let us puppets leeeave" like bro COME ON

Nylon strings my beloved!

CIRCE IS HELPING!!!

The deep piano drop at "Problem is, this prophet is DEAD" lmao

The return of the LFOs lesss goooo!!!!

Ody sounds so baffled and hopeful and excited like SAME BRO

"There are many ways of persuasion" as in, he managed to pursuade her in a way she didn't expect!!

"Maybe showing one act of kindness, leads to kinder souls down the road..." HOLY FUCK! HOLY FUCK! Circe's on the mercy end of the ruthlessness scale?? Also took it to mean if she shows him mercy, maybe he won't turn and become like those strangers that dealt a heavy loss to her nymphs.

"I have been in love once before" 👀 Circe lore??

"Maybe one day the world will need a puppeteer no more..." When I realised where this was going! The END FUCKING RIFF IT'S FROM THAT CLIP! THE HIGH NOTES I LOVE IT!!!!

Odysseus and Circe friendship is real!!

OMFG THE CIRCE SAGA'S OVER WHAT????

I love it! The Circe Saga is out, and it's amazing! Thank you Jorge and Talya and Troy and Armando, and everyone else who worked on this amazing project to show us this incredible music, thank you so so much! You should all be proud!

[nothing-more-than-hot-leaf-juice]

Ok modern zuko would be an expert at breakdancing and sokka would be the guy who just bi-panicks whenever he does

(whoops, my hand slipped and I accidentally wrote a modern au headcanon turned zukka karate au one-shot) 

Okay but consider this instead: Zuko doesn’t know how to dance for shit and has horrible rhythm, but he is a GOD at martial arts. He’s been doing some type of style since he was a kid and is a full black belt by the time he hits high school. Martial arts was always something he excelled at, but it was also something that made him feel more secure. It was something he could work on to help him protect himself from his home life, even if it wasn’t enough most times. He specifically excels in weapons forms (I’m thinking twin sais) and you DO NOT want to spar with him. Because he may be skinny and shorter, but he’s quick and can hit hard at just the right spots. 

When he was younger he was obsessed mainly because he felt that belt rankings and trophies from competitions were a way to prove himself to his dad, but when he moved in with Iroh (who encouraged him to keep it up and was so proud of how talented and passionate he was about it), he basically used it in place of talking about his feelings. He didn’t talk about his home life or the shit Ozai did, instead, he put all his energy into his black belt levels, learning new weapons forms, and eventually into teaching new students as a junior instructor. 

At school, he’s awkward and asocial and just doesn’t have the energy for people. Zuko has little patience for asshole classmates who ask intrusive questions about his scar or spread rumors about where he got it. He eats lunch in his English classroom and would be a complete shut-in if Iroh didn’t get him to work part-time at the Jasmine Dragon. But in the dojo, he’s focused and is able to direct his energy into improving his forms and teaching younger teens. 

One of his newer students transferred from a different dojo after moving from a different state. He’s actually a freshman at Zuko’s high school but it’s not as if Zuko really interacted that much with him. This kid, Aang, is as talented and dedicated as he is, but has a long way to go to learn all the new katas. Zuko’s been dubbed the ‘scary’ trainer at the dojo. He’s the serious one who will yell if someone is goofing off and everyone’s seen that he has no problem using full force in a demonstration (little kids love him and he’s super nice to them, but he teaches the 12-15 age range). Plus there’s that scar, which doesn’t make him the most initially welcoming person. But this new kid Aang just latches onto Zuko immediately. He says hi to Zuko in the halls at school and works on his katas outside of regular practice times. At first Zuko thinks this sickeningly positive kid is annoying as crap, but warms up to him. He likes that Aang cares about martial arts and isn’t nice as a show, he’s just genuinely nice. 

And maybe he sees Aang hanging around school with a sophomore girl and her brother who just might be in Zuko’s calc class and English class. 

And maybe Zuko thinks this guy is insanely attractive and somehow incredibly funny even though most of his humor consists of the worst puns imaginable. 

But obviously, Zuko hasn’t attempted to ever actually talk to this guy. The most that he could classify as ‘talking’ to the cute, funny guy on the robotics club is the one day in English class when he had to respond to someone’s dumbass comment about Macbeth with what ended up being a ten minute spoken essay about obvious motifs and symbolism. To which Mr. Puns and Ponytail was very obviously paying great attention to and even gave Zuko a smile and thumbs up for. 

Zuko knows it’s pointless to engage. After all, he’s a senior and he doesn’t have any friends anyway. There’s no point in making any this year. Crushing on this guy from the comfortable position of the other side of the room is totally good enough for him. Totally. This is fine. He’s fine.  

Besides, he’s got competitions and if he doesn’t secure the regional championships this year he’s never going to get the chance after he goes to college. And he’s got his kids to train. Aang in particular is gearing up for his first debut into this area’s tournament. 

The tournament’s in October and usually, Zuko focuses on his own matches and performances, but Aang really wanted him to watch his set. So on this day, he stands on the sides of Aang’s zone instead of obsessively going through his katas in a corner.He’s not going to be able to watch the whole set because it overlaps with his own weapons portion, but he stands on the side and gives Aang a reassuring look that, ‘don’t worry, you’ll do great, you’re a talented kid,’ when his student looks over to him nervously. 

And wouldn’t you know it? Aang brought some friends to come watch. And one of them is Mr. Zuko’s Big Gay Crush. 

“Oh, hey Zuko,” are the words that come out of this guy's mouth that give Zuko a near-stroke. And damn if this guy’s eyes aren’t blue and pretty and he usually wears his hair in a ponytail at school, but now he’s wearing it down and Zuko wishes he could take screenshots with his brain because holy moly. 

“Hey.” Is the best that Zuko can get out of his dumb mouth. “You’re Sokka.” 

“Aang invited us to come watch,” Sokka nudges his head to indicate the ‘us’ includes his younger sister, who Zuko doesn’t know the name of. “How do you guys not get heatstroke during these things? It’s like a million degrees in here.” 

“Oh the gi’s pretty cold, I mean, it’s got air and stuff.” 

Zuko decided right there that he would be completely fine with being struck by lightning. Of course, that’s what his stupid brain would come up with. Of course, that’d be the thing he’d say in front of one of the smartest guys in his class. 

They watch Aang perform his set for the judges. Zuko recognizes that Aang took his advice when he said that he wasn’t putting enough force into his hits. He’s never seen Aang be as, well, aggressive isn’t the right word, but he’s definitely putting more power into his form. Zuko wouldn’t admit it, though, but only part of his attention was for Aang at the moment. The other part was for Sokka, who was smiling bright and pumping his fists when Aang completed a row of kicks. 

The small part of Zuko’s brain that wasn’t being taken up by watching Aang or trying to act normal around his crush noticed the clock on the wall indicating that the weapons portion would be starting in five minutes.  

“I’ve got to go do a thing so I’ll just, um, go do that now.” 

“Are you competing too?” Sokka asked. 

To this question Zuko just holds up his sais and raises his eyebrow as if to say ‘it’s a tournament, what do you think?’ Because yeah, he knows Sokka’s super smart, he’s seen him churn out calc answers at the speed of light and noticed his name on the robotics club awards update on the school’s website, but he’d also seen Sokka eat 5 packs of fundip at once on a dare and unironically wear a ‘women want me, fish fear me’ t-shirt for most of junior year. Somehow he had managed to fall for the smartest dumbass on earth. 

“Oh yeah, right.” Sokka eyes the sais and then looks right at Zuko’s face, “Aang says you’re really good.” 

Zuko decides that thinking about Aang talking to Sokka about him was something he didn’t need distracting him during his set. That was something he could anxious about later. 

“Hopefully good enough for those five assholes,” Zuko replies, gesturing to the panel of judges in the weapons section of the gymnasium. To his shock, Sokka laughs. It’s a nice laugh, too. And Zuko really hoped he could blame the blush that was one-hundred-percent creeping up his face on the lack of AC. 

“You know, you’re pretty funny man,” Sokka tells him. Zuko has no clue how to take that compliment, but he really does need to go. 

“Right,” he grins nervously and shifts his left foot around to bounce away, “well I have to go do my thing.” 

“Good luck!” 

That’s where Zuko thinks the beginning and end of his interaction with Sokka would be. 

The weapons portion thankfully goes by age. And since Zuko’s one of the youngest competitions, he gets to go first for his sai katas. This is what literal years of training have prepared him for. At regionals last year, the second advanced kata got him placed high enough to qualify for states. This is what he’s good at. He tells himself that a thousand times before starting his set. 

There’s not a thought in his head as Zuko goes through the form. The sais glide through his fingertips with every jab, block, and hook. The imaginary opponent doesn’t stand a chance. He’s cool and competent and graceful. It’s therapeutic in a sense. There’s enough adrenaline to make Zuko feel like he’s worth something, but more importantly, he knows he’s nailing this. Whatever the judges say about it, he knows that he’s perfected this form after practicing it at least a thousand times over three years. 

The judges agree with him. He’s the first competitor of the weapons portion but there isn’t really a doubt in their minds about who’s going to place. 

Zuko zones back in to the gym after bowing to the panel. He walks off, feeling lighter and letting a satisfactory smile take over his face. 

He expects the hug from Uncle and the proud smile from Sensei Piandao, but what he doesn’t expect is to see Sokka, eyes wide as globes, staring at him from the other side of the mat. 

Because what Zuko doesn’t know is that the second he turned his wrists in his first form during his hooks, Sokka’s brain went into Full Bi Panic Mode. 

And Zuko thinks the one conversation where he couldn’t talk like a human and wanted to die for most of it would be the only time Sokka would decide to willingly talk to him. Zuko is dead wrong. Sokka, in fact, has decided that this, this is the guy his Disaster Bi Brain has decided to latch onto. Sokka’s brain and all his squishy feelings have apparently decided to attach to this aloof kid with the scar who reserved his voice for eloquent, impassioned speeches about dramas and was apparently an actual god with weapons. Sokka decides that Zuko could roundhouse kick him in the side and he’d thank him. And right now Zuko’s looking at him with a dumbfounded expression, prompting Sokka to remember how to function so he can go over to congratulate Zuko and maybe ask if his dojo provides a free trial. 

So yeah, that one conversation ends up decisively not being the end of anything. 

[whumpmatsus]

tw // noises , loud noises : osomatsu afraid of an emergency alert system test

I went ahead and made it an actual emergency alert, because rainy days and Mondays and whatnot-

also it's worth noting I did look up Japan's emergency alert system, but I have no idea how J-Alert actually functions, I've just kind of assumed it's similar to the system that's in place where I live XD

Osomatsu, you've got some top-notch little brothers there!!

it's technically Allmatsu but like... big Sokudomatsu vibes tho :D

-

All things considered, a few days of bad weather keeping all the sextuplets cooped up in the house pretty much guarantees that they’re all going to be on edge.

They’re occasionally two seconds away from being at each other’s throats anyway, with all the challenges of being a big family in a small house. When the skies darken and open up with rain, though, it all becomes that much worse.

It means Ichimatsu can’t venture out to feed the stray cats, because being out in the cold rain for so long will probably lead to him getting sick. The comfort and stress relief that Karamatsu finds in playing guitar on the roof is vanished into thin air. Everyone has to keep Jyushimatsu from going outside since he’s half determined to play baseball even when it’s pouring. Choromatsu can’t hit the streets in search of a job or anything; too much chance of getting caught in a torrential downpour far from home. That’s also the reason Totty can’t make any plans with his friends, and counts his blessings that he doesn’t have any work shifts during these days.

All things being equal, Osomatsu is almost certainly the most laidback of their little group. Big brother tries his best to find solutions to keep all of them distracted, such as playing games or helping everyone settle on what TV show they should watch. Even though there are other places he’d rather be right now ― like the races or pachinko or maybe somewhere trying to pick up girls ― he can acknowledge that it’s kind of nice to spend time with his brothers when they can’t go outside.

The rain’s been coming down steadily today, a constant pattering that’s rhythmic and borderline soothing. It’s already put Ichimatsu and Totty to sleep, the two of them curled up under a blanket together. Before they fell asleep, Totty said something about the storm being “free ASMR”, whatever that means, and Ichimatsu mumbled an agreement as they cuddled in against each other.

To be completely honest, the energy in the house in general is pretty low. That might be best for a stormy day. Everyone can chill out and recharge their energy.

For the most part, Osomatsu is playing at being as responsible as he can handle today; gathering snacks, making tea, keeping kerosene in the heater so nobody gets too cold. Now that Totty and Ichimatsu are down for the count, everyone else is starting to get sleepy. Which, of course, means it’s time for a collective nap.

He takes a look around the room as he settles in on the couch himself. There’s Ichimatsu and Totty under their single blanket, seeming to be getting along just fine to share it. Choromatsu and Karamatsu are nuzzled against each other with their legs under the kotatsu, with Choromatsu’s head resting on Karamatsu’s shoulder and Karamatsu’s head resting on top of Choromatsu’s. And Jyushimatsu is… huddled up in a few blankets near the couch. For all intents and purposes, sleep has apparently claimed him, too.

Well, that’s good. Now that he’s made sure all his little brothers are comfortable, Osomatsu can doze off himself.

There’s a leftover blanket folded up at the end of the couch, so he pulls it up around himself and lies down with his head propped against one of the arms of the couch. He’d certainly like to be nestled up with one of the others, but he’s not gonna disturb them for that. They’re all in their own pairs, save for Jyushimatsu, and he’s not going to make the second youngest clamber up onto the couch just because Osomatsu wants some physical contact.

Besides, he can get that later if he wants. It’s going to be chilly and dreary all day, so more snuggles are inevitable. If he gets lucky, everyone will gravitate to one big cuddle puddle after dinner.

So he does his best to relax on the couch. He closes his eyes and tries to slow his breathing down a bit. The rain continues to pound in sheets against the window, and in heavy drops against the roof. There’s the soft rumbling of thunder that’s begun in the background, so low and powerful he can feel it. Somehow, it’s a comfort, something that whispers to him that he can go to sleep now.

Surrounded by his brothers and the lullaby of the storm outside, it’s easy to drift off.

Osomatsu is nearly sunk down into the beginnings of a deep sleep when suddenly, a blaring alarm goes off. And it’s not just one ― it sounds like several firing off in perfect, irritating harmony.

He can’t explain why he has the reaction he does. All he knows is that the abrupt, loud, obnoxious noise cuts through everything else and seems to hit the panic button in his head. A terrified yell rips itself from his throat, and he’s bolt upright. Then he’s on the floor, rolled onto Jyushimatsu and waking his younger brother up.

“HOLY MOLY!” And as soon as Jyushimatsu shouts, it’s enough to wake everyone else up. How anybody could sleep through that siren is beyond Osomatsu, though he’s pretty sure if anyone could, Jyushimatsu could. “Osomatsu-nii-san! You’re on top of me! What the heck is that?! Are we late for school???”

Totty groans as he’s woken up in the rudest way possible. “We’re too old for school, Jyushimatsu-nii-san. We’re adults.” He pulls his phone out, and his other hand reaches to pat Ichimatsu on the head. “Aaahnnmmm… it’s a weather alert.”

“Severe thunderstorm warning,” Choromatsu groans, having turned to glance at the TV. “Looks like it’s only gonna last till like 7 P.M., though.”

Karamatsu yawns and rubs at his eyes. “Should we get supplies together in case the power goes out?”

“The rest of you dumbasses can do that,” Ichimatsu huffs. “I’m not moving. As soon as the alerts stop making that shitty noise, I’m going back to sleep.”

“Well, I guess it falls to the three oldest, then.” Choromatsu stretches, giving a quiet, “Oof” when something in his back pops. “Osomatsu, do you wanna come help us… uh… Osomatsu?”

Strangely enough, the eldest brother is still incapacitated from the unexpected sounds, curled into a ball with his hands pressed over his ears. There might even be tears in his eyes, if one’s looking close enough.

Jyushimatsu runs a gentle hand, (or sleeve, as it were), over his big brother’s head, seeing as he’s the closest one. “I think something’s wrong with Osomatsu-nii-san. He’s all shivery and breathing funny.”

That’s really all it takes for Choromatsu to be over lightning-fast, knelt down next to the eldest. “Osomatsu? Osomatsu-nii-san, are you okay?” He frowns and tentatively tugs one of Osomatsu’s hands away from his ear. “Hey. What’s wrong?”

“Th… the noise…” His hand is trembling in his younger brother’s grip, tears welling up in his eyes. It still feels like his heart is trying to hammer its way out of his chest completely. He can’t really get a good breath in.

Choromatsu’s brow furrows and he looks back toward the TV, which Karamatsu scrambles to turn off in case it’s the prolonged sound causing the problem. “Did you… ahah… it startled you, right? I think it startled all of us…”

Ichimatsu pushes himself up a bit so he can turn his attention to his older brothers. “Looks like it did more than startle him. He’s about to jump out of his skin.”

“Ah…” Choromatsu quickly gathers Osomatsu into his arms, and is surprised with the fervor with which the eldest clings to him. It reminds them both of… being kids. “H-hey, Osomatsu-nii-san… it’s okay, it’s okay. It’s over now. Can you, um, try to follow my pattern of breathing here? That might help you calm down.”

Osomatsu nods and does his best, mirroring the way Choromatsu inhales for four seconds, holds the breath for seven, and exhales for eight. It takes several cycles, a few minutes’ worth of this, before he can feel himself starting to be a little less shaky. His heart is still pounding, but not as fast as it was a moment ago.

Choromatsu holds him carefully, rubbing Osomatsu’s back, until he can feel the tension beginning to fade from his brother’s muscles. That was… weird. It’s not like Osomatsu to get so anxious, especially not to the point that he’s crying. “There… is it better now?”

“Y… yeah…” Osomatsu raises a hand in an attempt to scrub the tears away. Man… how embarrassing. He’s the oldest and he’s over here acting like a baby because of a stupid weather alert. “Sorry… I, uh, don’t know where that came from, haha.”

“It’s okay, don’t worry about it.” Neither of them make any move to get out of the position for a minute, then Choromatsu gradually pulls away once he can’t hear his older brother’s heart beating like a gong. “You… good?”

“Yeah… yeah, I think so.”

Ichimatsu stretches his arms above his head. “Damn. I guess we’re all awake. I hate those alert things… remember that one night when we were kids, and it came on just as we were getting ready for bed?”

Totty laughs, rolling over and propping his face up against one arm. “Yeah, I remember Choromatsu told me they were warning us a big storm was gonna come and wash all the baby brothers out to sea.”

“A-ah…” Choromatsu’s face goes red in an instant. He was such a little bastard as a child. “I’m sorry about that, Totty!”

He waves a hand. “Nah, it’s okay! ‘Cause remember what we did next?”

“Ah… I remember!” Karamatsu grins. “We all said we wouldn’t let the storm get you, and we wrapped you up in blankets and stood guard the whole night.”

“Until we fell asleep,” Jyushimatsu giggles. “I remember panicking when we woke up, but then we all high-fived each other when we saw Totty was still there in the morning!”

“W-we could do that again,” Choromatsu suggests, stealing a peek at their eldest who still appears to be tired. “Except this time…”

Totty’s up in a second. “Ooh, yeah!! Let’s cocoon Osomatsu-nii-san so the big, bad weather alerts can’t hurt him!”

Osomatsu feels like he should be having the hairs on the back of his neck stand up right about now. Instead, he feels sort of warm in a good way when everyone starts to wrap blankets around him. “Geez… you guys don’t need to do all this shit…”

“Well, no, but it’ll be fun.” Choromatsu gives him a smile and nestles in against his older brother’s side. “I’ll take first watch.”

Osomatsu snorts, but lets his head fall on top of Choromatsu’s anyway.

“Man… you guys are lame.”

Thank God for that, though.

[purpleyoonn]

Ok sooo ahhhh after rereading Petrichor and ABMOL from the start to the latest updates all I can say is wow I missed a lot holy moly.

First on ABMOL after catching up to it, it made want to reassure y/n even more and to also maybe hunt down the people that cause her harm. But alsooo on another note I see you Mari hitting us with angst and fluff on chapter 12 then giving us some 😏🥴🥵 hahaha in all honesty I'm glad that before they engaged into something more intimate y/n and yoongi talk about it before and that they encourage her to be vocal since knowing her trauma that could be a trigger gosh even when they're hot and bothered they still think of y/n, people that is the standards right there.

Now onto Petrichor where to I even begin with this one I love the little domestic scenes sprinkled along the chapter makes me feel so ft and warm also the shopping scene that hit home for me I can totally relate to y/n as someone having trouble with my body image going shopping sometimes sucks and that saleslady with her damn comment like dude you're the delusional one so glad the boys stepped up even though y/n got in the bag I think in that scene y/n saw just how serious they are with her and that her insecurities doesn't faze the boys since they love her no matter what.

Oh and also I got second hand embarrassment when Jin and Yoongi walk in on y/n singing and bopping along since that literally happend to me just I few days ago and it brought back that memory haha. Now onto the part that made my blood boil, how can someone have a sister like that I mean gosh I'm not gonna list everything that she and her husband did that made me want to throw rocks at them since its going to be super long and this ask is already long enough but just wow they are the worst it's sad that y/n is so used to that kind of disrespect from a family that's suppose to love you unconditionally. I'm glad the boys intervene and made sure that awful human being got out of y/n's apartment. I don't know how y/n does it if that was me I would immediately throw them out and maybe get a slap or two in there but hey that's just my anger issues talking, salute to y/n she deserves all the love and hugs and kisses in the world

Ok so this ask for veryyy long whoops I'm sorry Mari, I hope I still make sense after you read this haha. Being away from your blog just made me missed it more and I'm so glad I'm finally on break so I can read and see your updates every time I want. Anyways hugs and kisses Mari. I hope you're doing great and having the best time and also taking tons of breaks to not overworked yourself 😍😘💕

more than anything the boys want to give abmol mc freedom, which is surprising. they want her to be able to make her own choices, even if the options might be controlled by them. yoongi talking to the mc about her feelings and about sex might be a little selfish for the man, as he is slowly opening up the option of her having sex with them. but to Yoongi, it is just him trying to give the mc another option of receiving love from them. so yes, while the boys are making sure communication is a huge thing in their relationship, they also have some ulterior motives.

the shopping scene in petrichor definitely gave some insight into the boys and mc. while on the surface, the scene is entirely cute and fitting for the self-healing storyline, there is so much more beneath the surface. the mc truly does not feel beautiful in her skin. confidence and self-love are different things. while mc is confident in herself and her skills, she has had so many things said to her, and about her that she doesn't feel like she is worth anything to anyone. she truly feels as though there is nothing special or beautiful about her. and for the boys to go great lengths to defend her, for Hoseok to leave work to come and check up on her, it shatters some of the ideas in her head about her worth. she starts to believe that maybe there is something special about her.

mc's sister and brother in law showing up is only the beginning of everything. there is so much history hidden in the chapters that I am kind of glad no one has picked up on yet.

but here is a hint, the prologue is the true beginning to the story. and the beginning always has a way of providing some truth to any story.

[suganovakawa]

two anons asked for more introverted and shy! reader .

Omg the headcanon w suga was so good TT I wanted to ask if you could do the same one with kags;-; 💞 like the introverted shy one

Oh my goooddddd the Suga one was so cuteeeee! Can I request the same one w kuroo? ;-; if not it’s totally fine!

and you know what ? i love this headcanon so much so i’m gonna do more of this . i hope you don’t mind i put both in one , it’s easier to post !

𝐒𝐇𝐘 , 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐄 !

karasuno and nekoma boys protect you because of your shyness !

— check out my masterlist !!

you being a shy introvert has never affected these boys’ feelings for you . if anything , they feel more obligated to keep you safe and protected ! these guys will do everything to make sure you’re supported and loved .

a / n : ehehehehe as a somewhat shy person myself i needed this

holy moly this came out so much longer than i originally planned , especially tobio’s — enjoy 😭

anyways ! if you want to be part of my general taglist - just ask ! and be specific if you want to be updated for certain things ( just headcanons , just scenarios , etc ) 🥺

tobio kageyama

both of you are extremely shy but somehow you make your relationship work perfectly

well , tobio isn't shy , per se - he's just extremely awkward

shoyo was literally the one who had to do most of the communication between you and him before you two became a thing

kags became brave enough to ask you out himself after countless weeks of psyching himself up for it

he was beyond thankful when you said yes , his confidence was boosted now that he conquered his fear of confessing to you

kageyama is very understanding of your shyness - he won't ever make you do anything you're uncomfortable with , and will always make sure you feel safe when you two are out together

as more of an introvert himself , he prefers to spend time with you in private , so it's a win-win situation for the two of you in that case

you love to cuddle with tobio when it's just you two - he's become accustomed to you just climbing on top of him whenever and just making yourself at home

hinata was the one who encouraged you to meet the rest of the volleyball team - kags hit him on the head when he mentioned it

" BOKE ! THEY'RE SHY ! BE CONSIDERATE OF THEIR FEELINGS ! "

" no , it's okay tobio !! i'd love to meet your team ! "

he said o-o ??

" really , y/n ? you'll come to practice to meet everyone ? "

" y-yeah ! i'm sure it's not too bad . and maybe i could watch you practice too , if that's allowed ? "

" OMG KAGEYAMA PLEASE LET Y/N WATCH US PRACTICE IT WOULD BE SO COOL TO HAVE THEM THERE WE SHOULD TOTALLY - "

" SHUT UP DUMBASS IT'S THEIR CHOICE IF THEY WANNA WATCH "

yes you wanted to watch , but working your way up to meet them was a terrifying experience

what if they didn't like you ?

you mentioned your fear to tobio after school , who shook his head with a smile

" they're going to love you , y/n . you'd be surprised with how accepting they are . hinata and i told you about our first day , right ? "

" yes , yes you did "

WOAH A BUZZ CUT GUY OPENED THE DOOR

you jumped behind kageyama as the bald guy started yelling at him about who knows what , you were too spooked to listen

shoyo was already at the gym , and noticed you hiding behind your boyfriend

" guys , guys ! that's kageyama's s.o. ! the one hiding behind him ! "

did hinata forget you're shy or something like wtf dude

you peeked out from behind kags , going pale as a whole sea of tall men stared right back at you

" everyone , this is y/n . y/n , this is my volleyball team . " taking you by the hand , tobio kept you close to him as he pulled you to his side

everyone collectively said hi , quietly to not overwhelm you

" damn kageyama , already cuffed as a first year , huh ? " this short dude with a blond tuft in front of his forehead patted him on the shoulder , and you watched as tobio struggled to reply , his cheeks going pink in embarrassment

you stayed away from the third years , as they had this powerful presence around them that intimidated you - especially that guy in the man bun , he's terrifying

you kept your distance from tsukishima , too - he's tall , sassy , and very scary

thankfully kiyoko was soft spoken enough to make you feel comfortable with being left with her - WTF WHO IS THAT INCOMING GROWN MAN HIDE

wait it's just the coach - NEVERMIND FALSE ALARM

you had never seen kageyama play volleyball until now - you heard about his middle school reputation , but he felt self conscious about it . so , you hardly ever brought it up in conversation

watching him in action was like falling for him all over again

the way he handled the ball so easily ; he could probably set in his sleep if he wanted to

and that quick attack - like damn , shoyo and tobio really are the dream team

after practice , WOOO BOY you were all over your him

practically gawking over everything you saw during practice - like DAMN , that setter is your boyfriend

you begged him to let you watch karasuno practice again , you'd end up warming up to the others eventually - you had him and hinata for support

he felt shy with how excited you were to watch him practice , but agreed to let you come to practice with him from now on

" tobio , you're so cool !! i wanna learn how to do the amazing things you do "

" cutie . i'd love to teach you sometime , y/n .

tetsurou kuroo

needless to say , tetsurou is anything but shy

how you managed to snag a catch like kuroo is beyond you

he likes - no , loves - your soft atmosphere , the peace that your presence brings him

he was literally a magnet to you in his quest of wooing you

the moment you even appeared in the same room for a second he’d end up right there with you

even if he was clingy in a sense , he respected your shyness and your boundaries , and would step away if he felt like you were uncomfortable with him

yes we stan gentleman kuroo anyway

eventually his charismatic tendencies and alluring charms got to you and you began to enjoy his company more and more

yes , you agreed to becoming his s.o. , only if he understood that you would be sometimes too shy to go out places with him

he didn’t care , he didn’t care if all you two did was stay at home — this boy was over the moon that you were now officially his

the first thing he did was brag to his team lmao

did i mention that nekoma was betting on him being able to get you ?

kenma and lev owed yamamoto yen for being kuroo’s only supporter BFHSJNFNF

yaku took it a step further and told tetsu to bring you here — to which he internally panicked

he wasn’t planning on introducing you to the others so early , you two were still trying to get in the groove of being in a relationship

but after being pestered by literally everyone else on the team , he finally gave in and agreed to ask you the next time he saw you

he sugar coated it to the max when he saw you the next day

“ y/n , my absolute darling , i know you said you’re a shy little cutie and all , but — ”

“ tetsu , please just tell me what you need from me . ”

LMAOOOO you can read the third year like a book ; he shut up immediately when you shot an eyebrow upwards

“ i wasn’t planning to introduce you this early but , the guys from my volleyball team want to meet you . today , after school , preferably . ”

y/n.exe has stopped working

“ baby , baby ! you don’t have to , i swear ! i’m not gonna push you to do anything you don’t want , they just want to meet you in person once , is all . you never have to go again if you decide to go only one time , i promise . ”

hhhhhhhhh why is tetsurou like this

“ fine , i’ll go today . i have nothing to do after school anyway . but after that , no more . i can only take so much , you know that . ”

he punched his fists in the air before snatching a kiss to your temple

“ thank you , baby ! you won’t regret meeting them , i promise . ”

it took a lot of psyching yourself up to actually go through with this

but kuroo looked so happy when you agreed , you didn’t wanna let him down :(

so you two met up after school — he was already with kenma

you already met kenma in the past , so seeing him didn’t bother you ; he was an introvert too so he understood how you felt

“ hi , y/n . i’m surprised you can keep up with kuroo the way you do . ”

“ it’s strenuous sometimes , but worth it . ”

aww look at you two bonding — even if it was at kuroo’s expense , he looked like he was about to explode in tears of joy

that moment of peace left the moment the gym doors bashed open — WHO THE FGIDKFK WAS STANDING AT THE DOOR

BIG SCARY DUDE WITH WHITE HAIR

“ KENMA KENMA KENMA KENMA CAN YOU PLEAAAAAAASE SET ME SOME BALLS ”

“ not now , lev . ”

oh my god he saw you

no turning back now

the so-called lev widened his eyes , his jaw dropped for a few seconds before running back into the gym

“ GUYS , GUYS ! HE DID IT ! HE BROUGHT Y/N ! ITS HAPPENING ! ”

kuroo appeared like a deer in headlights as you looked at him dumbfoundedly

“ tetsurou . what , and i mean what , is going on ? ”

you watched as someone much much smaller than him — you recognized yaku , he was your classmate — literally kick lev across the back , causing him to fall over

“ they’re a rowdy bunch , y/n . but they won’t lay a hand on you , i assure you . they’ve got much more bark than bite . if they even do have a bite . ”

kenma answered you before kuroo could ; he was blubbering away with incoherent excuses answers you couldn’t even understand

a dude with a mohawk came up to inspect you , and you screamed

tetsurou slapped him away , before wrapping his arms around you protectively

“ don’t go near y/n ! they’re very shy , so please be careful ! ”

this is so embarrassing you might just die

kenma and yaku made sure everyone else yamamoto and lev gave you personal space

once they were all settled down , you actually thought they were a nice bunch — it also helped to know that lev was a first year , it made him appear much less scary

kuroo insisted that you stay for practice , and after some pestering from him and the rest of the team , you agreed

watching them practice was not what you expected

where was tetsurou kuroo and what did they do to him

you didn’t even recognize your boyfriend as he took his rightful role as captain on the court , helping the others and giving pointers wherever needed

the others fell in place , too — watching everyone practice was totally different to how they acted before

you were actually mesmerized , watching them — you didn’t even realize practice was over until kuroo walked over to you and told you that it was over

“ i-it’s over already ? ”

“ yeah , baby . it’s done . did you enjoy it ? ”

“ yeah . . . yeah , i did . i enjoyed it a lot , actually ! ”

“ well , if you’re up for it , the manager spot is very much open . but you don’t have to take it , i know you said this would be the only time you’d come with me . ”

oh no no no you were not gonna miss a chance to be mesmerized like that again

“ y’know what , tetsu ? i want to be the manager . sign me up . ”

cue a screaming yamamoto and long legs lev jumping for joy as tetsurou grinned like crazy at your response

[nerdgenie]

My love for Anthony Bridgerton: A journey

A new Netflix series, lovely! I love the colors! And the setting! And the costumes!

Two brothers and a lot of sisters. Hello, exposed arse. I think I'll like this brother.

Hello your grace

Overprotective brother.

Overprotective bro is an ass but clearly he's getting some development because he's getting way to much screentime

Daphne holding on to Eloise's hand, and Eloise wanting to stay with her sister. Love the sibling energy.

Oh, friends to lovers trope. I like!

They don't know how to turn on the stove. Haha Cute. In a privileged not their fault way.

Is that the same girl he's fucking?

I don't like opera girl.

Ooh, bro is such an ass to opera girl.

"Second sons have all the fun" wait, that's not overprotective bro? Im confused.

Okay, so which brother is smoking with Eloise?

Duel!

Okay, I get it now. I think I can recognize their faces now.

I love how there's no sibling rivalry whatsoever like Anthony's (yes, I finally know his name) like you get everything if I die to Benedict (I know his name AND I CAN FINALLY TELL HIM APART FROM ANTHONY), and Benedict's totally thinking but I don't want it. Amd Colin is just... Colin.

I like how the brothers call Daphne "Daph" and Eloise "El" it's cute.

ABC trying and failing to escape Lady Danbury

ABC trying and failing to escape Mama Bridgerton's matchmaking

ABC shutting the door in Daphne's face and Daphne's ugh is peak sibling dynamics

Two brothers teasing their mama when Eloise asked where babies come from. I got confused between AB again. I know for sure one of them was Colin because Mama B said so.

I have my episodes mixed up I'm sure. I was only invested in Simon amd Daphne at this point.

All that pining and angst! That hand on her back, holy moly! He went home instead of going to opera girl! He kept the painting!

Ooh, he pulled out. That's not good.

Does he plan on pulling out until Daphne hits menopause??? What is the plan here???

Damn, I feel so bad for Daphne. Sex education is important.

That scene. Dafuq daphne.

This is feeling toxic. Kinda done with them but I also want them to be happy please be happy

Mama B snarking Anthony.

Is Benedict gay?

Oh, is he bi?

Ooh, Anthony is back with opera girl. Is this his endgame? Should I like this? I want Anthony to be happy but I'm not convinced with opera girl. Anthony's an ass, but so is she.

Anthony finally giving opera girl what she wants and including her in his world by asking her to the ball. K fine. Should be getting behind this?

She doesn't want him to take her to the ball and change her??? What about that whole speech about love in darkness not during the day or something. Isn't Anthony taking her to the ball loving her "during the day"??? Girl, what do you want???

Poor thing. He brought flowers.

Anthony and speech about love being a waste or something. I feel like season 2 will be about this dude.

I need more Bridgerton. I'll rewatch Pride and Prejudice.

I still need more Bridgerton. Friend: here, I have books 1 and 2. It's a book?????

I'l skip one since I already know Daphne amd Simon's story.

Oh, so it's not swearing off love because he got his heart broken but rather about his dad. I like it. Less bland.

With this expanded backstory told from Anthony's point of view, it's clear opera girl was an escape, a reprieve from all the pressure he puts on himself. Dude clearly needs a therapist.

Anthony and Kate are my precious babies.

Benedict and Colin books.

Anthony and Kate are still my precious babies.

Should I read Eloise? Eh, I'll just skim to all the ABC parts. Anthony talking about and missing and loving Kate.

Gregory book. I swear all the Kathony goodness in this book is too good.

Gregory's POV of Anthony is precious. I just really love Anthony.

[maximoff-pan]

Realizations | Steve Harrington x Henderson!Reader

Summary: The four times you realize you’re in love with Steve Harrington, and the one time you actually tell him...

Character: Steve Harrington x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Fluff (it starts off pretty fluffy and ends that way too....don’t worry y’all, I’m not that cruel), and there’s definitely some good ole angsty angst....because I’m an angsty bitch ;)

Word Count: 4.5 k (Holy moly...I think this is the longest thing I’ve written)

A/n: Okay, so, this wasn’t requested and I’m not sure anyone even wants this, but here we are. I kind of just felt like writing something for Steve again, so I went with the urge...Also, quick side note...but look at this gif. This is kind of (sort of) what I imagine Steve would look like if you told him you were in love with him, just utter shock, but definitely minus the fear...because bby boy doesn’t deserve to be afraid...And then he’d break out into a huge goofy smile, because he loves you back...

i.

It was no secret to anyone that you had a rocky history with Steve Harrington. He was, amongst the teens of Hawkins, the proclaimed ‘King of Hawkins High.’ The King Shit of all King Shits....And you weren’t one to bow down to his monarchy. Truthfully it wasn’t that you hated him, you’re not entirely sure you ever could. Because beneath all the hype, Steve Harrington was just lonely, and slightly broken. Despite the numbers of people that claimed to be his friend, who claimed to dream to be like him, not one of them actually wanted to be with him...the real him anyway. And you could see that better than anyone.

So when all shit broke loose, (quite literally) and you’d been reunited with the Steve Harrington that you’d once been friends with, you accepted him. It was a shock to your system to find your brother asking Steve Harrington of all people for help with the Demogorgons, and even more of a shock when he said yes. But most of all, it surprised you to see how genuinely him he was being with you. No bullshit. No facade. He was just Steve, a guy you happened to go to school with. You will admit, in the beginning he’d been a bit sheepish, apologizing for the way he had treated you in high school, how he’d ditched you for the crown, but then something in him shifted. You saw him smile, watched him laugh. Your little brother was breaking Steve out of his shell, and you were there to help him. And it was entirely breathtaking.

You remember that day clearly, the day you went searching for Dart. Dustin up ahead, bucket of meat in one hand, a walkie talkie in the other, as he curses himself for not paying enough attention to the presumably extra terrestrial creature that had eaten your cat. You lag behind, dragging your feet across the dry dirt floor, littered with leaves, Steve Harrington by your side. It’s a day you’d never forget.

“I know I’ve got a lot of making up to do.” Steve’s voice breaks the silence.

You let out a puff of air in agreement. “Oh?” You implore sarcastically. “What makes you think that?”

“A lot of things.” He replies truthfully, a shame in his tone. “I’ve been-uh...I’ve been an asshole, of royal proportions.” He continues. “And I’m more than ready to give up my crown.”

A laugh bubbles from your throat. Of course he’d refer to his King like status. “Ready to become a mere peasant like the rest of us?”

He nods his head, humming lightly. “I think so.” His voice is quiet...soft. Just like you remember it being.

“You really think you can handle it?” You jest, playfully elbowing him in the arm.

“Oh of course I can.” He replies. “Haven’t you heard? Steve Harrington can handle anything.”

“Anything?” You’re eyes widen jokingly, as a smirk slowly falls upon your features. “I mean, sign me up...This Steve Harrington character sounds hot.”

A laugh breaks through his lips, overtly noticeable. He knows you’re joking, but he can’t help but wish you weren’t. “Anything.” He confirms with a wink.

That had been the first day you’d noticed your affinity for Steve Harrington. It was like a magnet had been placed between the two of you, and even if the attraction on his side, wasn’t entirely there, yours was....and it constantly pulled you towards him, with a smile on your face and a flutter in your stomach. It was at first, very subtle and very slow, but soon, your heart would yearn for him, more than it had yearned for anything or anyone else before.

Nearly everything about Steve seemed to click with you that day. He was just like he once had been...happy. It was something almost unfamiliar to you, something you hadn’t seen in quite some time, but it certainly made you feel things. And that’s something that hadn’t necessarily clicked: those feelings. You didn’t know what they were, or how you should react to them. Because maybe they were nothing, but then again, maybe they weren’t and you were getting yourself into more trouble than you could handle. Maybe they were real...and maybe, just maybe you felt something for Steve Harrington, more than a friend should.

Oh dear, what had you gotten yourself into?

ii.

“Listen up shit heads!” Steve’s stance is so chaotically mom-like it makes you laugh.

Your living room is covered in pillows, blankets, couch cushions, and popcorn. Six young teens loudly shout begrudgingly at Steve, who’s holding the tv remote just out of reach. They’re watching Star Wars: A New Hope, (Mike’s choice), or at least they were before Steve snatched the remote from Dustin’s hand.

“What the fuck Steve?” Dustin snaps at the older teen, and sends him a murderous gaze.

“Language Dusin.” Your voice interrupts Steve’s train of thought.

“As if you fucking care.” Dustin shoots. “You’re just enforcing that rule ‘cause Steve’s here.” He’s right, the little bastard...(and you hate to admit it) but you swear a decent amount yourself, and as long as Dustin isn’t using foul language in school or calling anyone harshly directed names, you don’t particularly enforce the no swearing rule that Steve does.

You shrug your shoulders, shifting your body towards Steve. “He’s got a point.”

“(Y/n).” Steve whines. “You’re supposed to be on my side.”

“And I am.”

“No you’re not.” He swings the remote jovially in the air, a mock pout breaking onto his face.

There’s that flutter again. You can feel it in your chest, your eyes trained on Steve’s face softly. It’s something that you just can’t seem to help, and it’s always sudden. Sometimes it’s not there. You can be around Steve for hours, and you’re cool with it...with him. But then out of nowhere this light headed feeling over takes you. Your heartbeat quickens, and you feel nothing but pure happiness and oddly comfort in his presence.

“I promise.” Your voice doesn’t waver. “I am always on your side.” It’s said as a joke, but you know better than anyone that it’s not.

There’s something behind your tone that Steve picks up on. Whether you intended upon it, it comes through loud and clear. I care about you. I am always going to be here for you. And it makes Steve smile. Whether the kids notice this too, he doesn’t know, nor does he care, but suddenly, and out of nowhere, he feels this pull to you like he’s never felt before.

What is this feeling? What does it mean?

iii.

Right off the bat you knew Steve Harrington would be trouble. Being friends with him again would inevitably hurt you...hurt him too. But you found yourself far too often, pushing that aside because of how much you cared for him. You worked well with each other, but you also knew that when the two of you were together, you were two fires, beautifully glowing together, until someone went too far and got burned.

You knew this, you knew it better than anything...and yet it wasn’t until the day Steve hurt Dustin, that he upset Dustin more than you’d ever seen him before, that you couldn’t unsee it. Dustin was your everything, and you’d be damned if Steve Harrington hurt your little brother.

That afternoon, he’d yelled...oh god had he yelled. Steve had just gotten back from seeing his parents, and he was completely on edge. They’d cursed him out, told him he had no future. Told him that he was a disappointment, a failure. And for the first time in his life, his father had hit him. It was quick, one harsh punch to the face and Steve was out of there faster than he’d ever raced out of his house. It was always a house...never a home, like yours was. You and Dustin had each other, you were each other’s homes, and Steve was alone. (You wouldn’t find out about what happened until much later, but by then, you’d already jumped fiercely to protect your little brother)....

It’s all quiet at the Henderson household until Dustin comes bounding out your front door, seeing Steve’s car parked out in front of your house, and starts asking if he wants to go to Mike’s and play some DnD with the Party. Steve tries to remain calm. He really does.

But Dustin keeps asking and asking, pulling Steve out of his car, and Steve just....snaps. “Dustin, do you ever think maybe I don’t want to hang out with you?”

Dustin’s eyes are wide open now, shock evident in his features. “Steve-” He recoils.

“No seriously Dustin.” Steve gestures, slightly aggressive, posture stiff and clearly frustrated. “Do you ever think that I’m just friends with you,” he moves his fingers, signalling air quotes around the word friends, “because your mother asked me to be? Because your sister wants me to be?”

He doesn’t mean it...more than anything he doesn’t mean it, but he can’t help the words from falling from his lips. It’s as if he needs to find someone to blame for his failures, and that person right now, in this moment, is Dustin Henderson: his best friend. He loves Dustin, it’s a love he’s never felt before, brotherly and wholesome...but Steve Harrington is nothing if not the King of destroying good, solid relationships.

You’re standing at your front door, listening to the exchange, and it’s certainly not what you expected from Steve. Even from a distance, you can see the tears threatening to leave your brother’s eyes as he fights to hold them back. Steve is now another person on the long list of people that have betrayed Dustin, that clearly don’t want him around. He’d already experienced having a father leave him...you don’t know if he could take losing a brother too.

“Dustin.” You storm down your front steps and out towards Steve and your brother. “Go inside.”

“But (Y/n)-” He tries.

“Just go inside.” You point at him gently, showing him that you’re not mad at him. The only person you’re angry with, is Steve. “I’ll be in in a few.”

Dustin nods his head solemnly, agreeing almost silently, before giving you a quiet, “okay.”

“You,” you point at Steve, venom in your tone. “In the car. Now.”

Steve obeys, watching as you open the car door and jump in the passenger seat. “Henderson.” He starts, using your last name. He only does that to tease you, or when he’s uncomfortable, and clearly in this circumstance, it’s the latter.

“Just drive.”

“Where?” He asks timidly.

“Somewhere quiet.” You reply.

And Steve knows exactly where to go. Just off the edge of Hawkins, and a couple minutes of a walk into the woods, there’s a wide clearing that he goes to when he needs to clear his mind. He knows that you’ve been to it many times....you were actually the one to bring Steve there once, and he can’t help the fear that creeps up in his chest.

The car ride is only around fifteen minutes, but it’s the longest fifteen minutes of Steve’s life. You haven’t said anything, and neither has he, not wanting to cause a scene out in public. But when you get there, car parked, having found your way into the clearing, Steve feels the adrenaline rush of fear shoot through him, and he’s sure he can feel the anger radiating off you.

“What the fuck Harrington?” Your eyes shoot daggers at him.

He stutters his way through a response. “I-I do-don’t know.”

This is how it starts: you’re angry and he’s terrified. And you have every right to be angry, but soon enough, Steve’s fear will morph into his own anger, and he doesn’t want that to happen. So he tries to remain afraid...but how long that will last, he doesn’t know.

“What’s gotten into you Steve?” You ask, seething at him.

“I’m sorry.” He replies, feeling his own anger starting to rise.

You wave off his apology with a scoff. “I’m not the one you should be apologizing to. I mean, how could you do that to Dustin?” You ask, genuine curiosity in your voice. “Do you know how much he loves you? And after everything he’s been through...I-I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get him to trust another man like he trusts you.”

“Well it shouldn’t be my responsibility to take care of him.” You’ve struck a nerve he didn’t know you could hit, and now Steve’s tone is ice cold, removed from himself.

“Take care of him?” You shout incredulously. “Holy shit, who do you think you are?”

Steve takes a step toward you menacingly. “Well I’m just his goddamn babysitter aren’t I? Because your mother’s too busy to do it herself.”

That’s a low blow and he knows it, but it doesn’t change the fact that he’s already said it. You can hear his breathing, ragged and rushed, surely it matches your own. And you’re fuming. All you can see is red.

“You haven’t changed at all Harrington.” You snarl darkly. “You’re the same asshat, same arrogant, pompous King of Hawkins that you once were, that you always were. And I hated you then Steve! I hated you!”

You’re saying the one thing that he knows can break him: You haven’t changed. You’re still the same. Your parents are right about you. You��ll never amount to anything. And it feels like you’re giving up on him, just like his parent did. Just like everyone else does.

“And if you haven’t changed now, then I guess I still hate you.”

That’s all it takes for Steve to choke out a sob. He’s fallen to his knees, breathing erratic and panicked.

Fighting with Steve isn’t rational. You know you should’ve figured out why he lashed out at Dustin before you lashed out at him. It’s a vicious cycle of rage that could’ve been avoided, despite your anger being warranted. You’re a firm believer that there’s always a reason for things, and right now you just wished you had have waited to find out that reason, because maybe you wouldn’t be in this position right now.

You’re in a state of shock and denial at the man before you. He looks broken, like a little boy beaten down by his parents (unknowingly, this is exactly how Steve feels...exactly why he’s acting the way he’s acting). Your breathing softens and your gaze lowers to him. Why did you say those things? You didn’t think they could hurt him that much. If you’re being honest, you’ve never seen Steve this distraught, and it’s something you’re sure you never want to see again.

“My parents.” He manages to choke out, as you kneel beside him. “I saw my parents.” He says louder. And you’re now just noticing the deep purple bruise forming around his left eye. How could you not have noticed? Did your anger truly blind you to his pain?

“Steve.” You place you’re hand gently on his shoulder. “Did your father do this to you?”

He nods, wiping away the tears before saying, “He’s never done it before. But he was just so angry. I’ve never seen him like that.”

You notice how he avoids directly confirming that his father had hit him. He doesn’t want to believe it happened, and you can understand why...because admitting it directly, makes it more real. “Oh.” You mumble in response, not quite sure what to say.

“He said I’d never be worth anything. That’d I’d always be the son they never wanted.” He pulls his face into his hands, sucking a long breath in. “And I know it shouldn’t bother me, but it hurts. It just hurts so much.”

“Oh Steve.” You pull him into your touch, embracing him softly. “I’m so sorry.”

“And I didn’t mean to hurt Dustin.” He says, a wave of hurt rushing through him. “That’s the last thing I’d ever want to do. I just, I snapped.”

You bring your fingers to his chin, tilted his head towards your face. “I know.” You whisper. “I’ll tell him that. And you know he’ll always forgive you. He loves you too much to let you go.”

Your heart races as you wrap him in your embrace, trying gently to calm him down, to reassure him of his place in your family. It’s in that moment that you realize just how much you love him. Like the day you’d searched for Dart, it’s sudden and gradual, but now that you’ve truly realized it, things are surely about to change. And hopefully for the better.

Holy fuck...you’re in love with Steve Harrington.

iv.

It’s been nearly a year since your spat with Steve (and since you realized you were in love with Steve, but let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves...) and a lot of shit has happened since. One major addition to your make shift family of misfits and losers (as you like to call it) is Robin Buckley. Oh how Robin had changed your life...

She’d come into it at just the right time. Steve had gotten a summer job at Scoop’s Ahoy, while you had gotten a job at the Gap. It was the only one available, and you weren’t entirely picky as long as the job paid. The bright side of said job though, was using your breaks to come and visit Steve (and vice versa), get some free ice cream (Steve always insisted that you never pay), and most importantly, you got to meet Robin Buckley.

It’s something that must be said: Robin Buckley is no fool. She knows that, you know that, everybody in the entirety of Hawkins knows that. It’s clear as day how in love with each other you and Steve are...and when she continuously tells you that, you never believe her. (She tells Steve the same thing, multiple times a day, and he never seems to believe her either). Since your fight, and specifically since you made up, you and Steve have never been closer. (All the more reason for Robin to pester you about being in love with each other...). You guess you can also blame the whole battle of star court mall shit (included with crazy secret Russians and everything)....it had made you a lot closer. Shared trauma will do that to you...

But now, you, Steve, and Robin work at the video store, and your love for Steve certainly hasn’t gone away. You’re getting pretty terrible at hiding it, or at least you think so, (and Robin does too).

“If you keep staring at him like that, your jaw’s going to fall off.” She grins cheekily at you. You’re watching Steve as he intently listens to Dustin and Mike animatedly talk about some movie they’re desperate to watch.

“Shut up Robin.” You shoot back at her, folding your arms across your chest. “I’m not staring.”

She dismisses you with the wave of her hand. “You know, if you really like him, there’s this thing you could try.” She pauses as you gesture for her to continue. “It’s called asking him out dingus.”

Usually Robin reserves the ‘dingus title’ for Steve only, but today the honour is yours. “I know.” You sigh. “But I can’t do that. It’ll only make things weird.”

“Even if you really want to kiss him?” She asks, placing the emphasis on really.

“Even if I really want to kiss him.” You reply, letting out a wanting sigh.

“Even if he really wants to kiss you?” She pushes with a smirk on her face.

“Even if he.....What?” You squeak in surprise, having not expected her question.

At your exclamation, Steve quickly glances over to you and Robin. He tilts his head with a confused expression on his face, before giving you both a cheery smile. When Robin turns her head after waving him off, and flipping him the bird, he sends you a devilish wink. It sends shivers down your spine, and you try desperately to send him back a semi-composed smile of your own. God, you really do want to kiss him...

It’s officially a fact. You’re in love with Steve Harrington, and there’s no getting out of it.

v.

You and Steve are sitting on the front steps to your house, waiting for Dustin to bike his way home from Mike’s. The sun is setting, it’s quiet and peaceful. Something you haven’t experienced much since Dustin brought Steve back into your life. Despite the lack of normalcy in the past couple of years, you wouldn’t trade it for anything. You’ve gained a best friend, someone you can trust more than anyone in the world (besides your brother of course)....And you’ve fallen in love. Not that Steve knows. But you’re grateful to him all the same, for showing you what falling in love can feel like.

“You ever think about us?” Steve asks suddenly. It’s a question you’re not sure how to interpret.

“Us?” You lift your head from his shoulder curiously.

“Yeah, like-“ He sits up, facing you now, hands gesturing widely. “Like us, us. Together us.” He says. “Like what would’ve happened if you hadn’t forgiven me...if Dustin hadn’t forgiven me. Would we still be close?”

“Oh.” You trail off. That’s what he meant. You, Dustin, and Steve ‘us’. For a second you thought he actually might love you too. “I don’t know.” You admit.

He ponders your response for a second. “I’m glad you forgave me. That you both forgave me.”

You’re glad you forgave him too. After what his parents had said to him, you couldn’t imagine letting him go back to them that night. All alone, and terrified. You’re even more glad that Dustin had taken to forgiving him so quickly. All Steve had to do was apologize, briefly explaining that he wasn’t in the right mind set, and Dustin ran straight to Steve, engulfing him in the largest hug. Dustin had told Steve that he loved him that day. Steve had said it back. Something you’re not sure you’ll ever have the courage to do. But it warmed your heart to see Dustin open his heart to someone else.

“You’re a good person.” You state.

You say it with so much meaning, but it’s a sentence Steve doubts about himself everyday. He loves Dustin, he loves you, (he’s in love with you really), and he’d do anything for the two of, but he doesn’t feel like a good person. More or less, he’s often afraid that he’ll turn back into who he used to be, the Steve that had all the girls, and all the friends in the world, but still felt lonelier than he’d ever felt.

“I don’t-” He starts. “What if I’m not? I mean, what if what you said a year ago is true?” You can hear the insecurity, the anxiety in his tone. “What if I haven’t changed?”

“You have.” You reassure him. “You,” You point to him seriously, trying desperately to convince him, as you bring your hand gently to his cheek, “You are a good person Steve Harrington.”

Steve’s eyes flicker down to your lips. He wants to kiss you....more than anything in the world he wants to kiss you, but is that what you want too?

“I meant it when I asked if you ever thought about us.” He says as you remove your hand from his cheek. “I think about it all the time.” He reveals. “What it would be like if you loved me like I love you. If you loved me the way I love you.”

Your eyebrows raise at his words. “I have.” You state, before realizing the tense you’re speaking in. Have means past tense...you’ve certainly been thinking about it in the present. “I do.” You clarify.

“And.” Steve implores hopefully.

“I guess I was just scared to say anything because if you didn’t feel the same way...” you trail off. “I just couldn’t risk it.”

Steve’s voice is soft, like silk and honey. “But I do feel the same way.”

Your eyes search his for any sign of doubt. When you don’t find any, a beaming smile breaks out onto your face. “You do?”

“I always have.” He confirms, placing a hand on your cheek. “Can I kiss you?”

It’s a question you never thought Steve would ask you, one you dreamed about so often, wishing that maybe he could feel the same way. That familiar flutter that you’d become so accustomed to when you’re around Steve is back. And this time, it’s much stronger. Because it’s filled with hope, knowing that this is actually going to happen. He does feel the same way.

You nod your head in response before Steve leans down to meet your lips. His kiss is sweet and gentle, and while you’re not sure if it’s perfect to him, it is perfect to you. You’re putting all your love into this kiss, hoping that he understands just what you’re trying to say through it.

You take a quick breath before his lips are back on yours, this time more comfortably. Steve is confident about his actions, a hand resting on your waist, and the other still gracing your cheek. He can feel you smiling into the kiss as you begin to pull away once again, a joyful laugh bubbling in your throat.

“I love you (Y/n) Henderson.” He breathes. And you know it’s true. You can see it in the way he looks at you, so much so that you’re sure he can see just how much you love him through your gaze as well. “I’m in love with you.”

“I love you.” You respond, heart full of freedom and joy. “And just so you know...” you trail off, remembering the words you said to him nearly two years ago, “this Steve Harrington character, he really is hot....and a pretty damn good kisser.”

You let out a sigh, resting your head back on Steve’s shoulder. You’re both very content, breathing steady and calm. And it’s honestly quite fitting, the way your relationship is to begin, sitting on the front steps to your house, waiting for Dustin. Dustin had reintroduced you to each other, after all those years, bringing your friendship back to a blossom. He’s the reason you allowed yourself to fall for Steve in the first place, so it’s entirely convenient that you’ll spend your first moments as a couple in love, waiting to reintroduce your relationship to Dustin. He had made it possible after all....

And if there’s one thing you and Steve both know for sure, it’s that Dustin will approve. He’s been waiting for this for two years, watching you dance around each other and fall in love, (you also know that Robin will be overjoyed too...). And the most important thing of all: Steve had found a true home, and that home was with you and Dustin.

Steve Harrington will always be a Henderson (if not by birth or blood, then certainly by love), no matter what. And you’d always love him for it.

////////////////////

General Taglist:

@voidnarnia @galaxy-mindsxx @lookalivesunshine-x @lanatheawesome @mileven-reddie @my-remical-chomance

[yanderecandystore]

TW/Tags: :) // eldritch horror not faithfully interpreted // illusions // identity thief // first eldritch fanfic on this blog :3

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

A bad dream [Yandere Eldritch - short fanfic]

You were running through the streets, with your husband pulling your arm and running with you.

Taking you somewhere away from home.

The streets are all messed up, the sky looks so terrifying. It all looks as if a terrible storm just passed through here, and it looks like It's going to start a new one again.

The sky looks red, your lovely town is destroyed, and you can only hear screaming and the man in front of you yelling at you to be faster.

You don't know what is happening, you're afraid, this was not supposed to be happening. Wait.

Why can't you remember anything? Anything that happened before this.

This feels so weird and wrong, you remember that your city was perfectly fine 5 seconds ago, but it feels as if it took more than that to be in this state.

It's like you were teleported to an action horror movie in those 5 seconds. Oh my Lord, your leg hurts so much!!

Wait, why is your leg suddenly this painful?

"- Come on, [Y/N]!" Says your husband.

Wait, why are you running?

"- Their coming. We don't have much time-"

He was cut off by an loud deep growl, it sounds so animalistic in a way.

But the way it shakes the entire ground isn't normal. The way it vibrates in your head, isn't normal.

Buildings shake with the sound. You almost got hit by a gigantic piece of concrete right there and then, if it wasn't for the man next to you being a goddamn life savior!!

Holy shit, what is happening??!!

"- Heh, no thanks in return for saving your life twice, love?" Says the man with brown eyes, and a smug little grin on his face.

Oh, uhhhnn sorry, twice? Well, thank you so much- What the fuck is happening ??!!!

"- . . . [Y/N]?"

What?

"- You, you really don't remember?"

Should you?

"- . . . I-"

Oh my, he looks so sad. What is it that you don't remember??

He was going to tell you, when another, but way closer growl stopped him in his tracks as he just hugs you to protect you from the shaking.

But, although the sound is enough to knock some of the buildings. It feels like there is something else destroying them.

Something in the sky . . .

"- Nonono- don't- Don't look up!"

He tells you while stopping your head from looking at the sky.

Was something wrong?

"- Please, don't look at it!!"

Is he crying? Why is he crying? You don't understand anything that is happening.

It, it hurts you, for some reason.

What the hell is happening?

Oh, there you are. Have you always been down there? I was looking for you everywhere.

Being this high, is really easy to lose track of-

You don't look up, you can hear it, you don't know what it says.

But you can so fucking hear it.

You're prettified, it's speaks in a different language, if it is an language to beginning with. You feel it, staring at you two. It growls like a animal, you may not be able to see it's face, but you can see claws digging the building in front of you.

You hear it, crawling. Crawling down the building. You can hear it's claws digging the concrete. You can see the claws, digging the concrete.

The people around you run and scream, all seem to go away from you two, or, you three.

And, as expected, this one is again close to you.

Why is this one so close to you? So attached to you?

It annoys me. Please go away.

This is an nightmare right?? This is not fucking happening for real, is it??

"- [Y/N]. . . Please, don't leave me-"

There we go now, that's better.

You were lifted up by an giant hand, you scream in fear but you still don't want to look at it. With eyes still closed, you can hear the man that was close to you screaming too.

But you can tell his screaming from beneath you.

Greetings.

It said something, you can't understand what it said.

Are you scared? . . . Weird, you weren't scared before. When the sky of your simple little world parted, you didn't looked scared of me.

Can someone wake you up from this nightmare now??? This is a nightmare right? This can't be real. There is no such thing as giant monsters.

You looked, curious, from what I could tell.

Don't you worry, I'm not mad, I got a little curious about you too. In fact, that's why I came here looking for you.

I wanted to take an closer look at you.

You can tell is staring right at your core. It's terrifying and also a bit uncomfortable.

You can't resist anymore.

You open your eyes, but to your surprise, you couldn't see the monster holding you yet. He was looking at your back.

For some seconds you could see that, from the red clouds in the sky, all types of different gigantic beasts came from the sky, although they seemed to be far away from you.

All types of nightmarish beasts. Yep, it's a dream. It's a fucking dream.

You could see your husband, he looked so desperate to try to get you back but he knew he couldn't do anything.

The being holding you, turns you, making you meet it's face.

Oh shit, you weren't ready-

. . . When you meet it's face, it's-

It's . . . A bit goofy. Big nose, holes for eyes. It looks like an mask to be honest.

It has an lot of eyes, cool eyes, pretty eyes.

And four arms. . .

Cool.

You, don't feel threatened anymore. Heh, it looks to be smiling. Kinda cute.

Heyya big fella!

"- Nonono not again- please [Y/N], don't look at it!!! It will-"

You hear what sounds like your husband screaming, but, yeah, you aren't really paying attention anymore.

It almost sounds as if his voice is being muffled in your brain.

Geez, actually you feel a little bit relaxed now, it's calming up here. Damn, you could see your house from this far.

. . . Are you drugged? Maybe you were hypnotized ? . . ?

Yeah, your brain is turning to mush. And although you know that, you can't tell anything apart anymore.

It's just you, and a giant beast who you can't understand. Who is also, speaking to you right now.

Small, a bit frail. Possibly feeling lost, by the way you got scared when I grabbed you. But now you're relaxed, and looking at me with less fear.

It's because of me that you feel relaxed? I don't frighten you? I, somehow calmed you down. . .

Do you like to be with me? In my presence?

That's interesting, in that case, I could honestly say you calm me down too.

But that one down there is inconvenient. And it seems to be constantly bothering you as well. It keeps making so much noise.

They said something like [Y/N], is that your name? I used to have so many names, but never one that was simple and pretty like yours. It's, cute.

But not coming from that mortal.

Are they important to you, mortal?

Are they your ma-

. . .

Well, it suddenly stopped talking. It looks like is thinking about something. You don't understand anything that is going on, but sure, whatever.

It started to do something, you can tell what it is, but it's pretty. You look at all the eyes on it's body, they're all so pretty.

Blue. A pretty blue.

You feel as if you were being called to them, you feel as if you were drowning in them.

You don't mind. It's pretty.

You can hear screaming and sobbing.

But it's okay, everything feels okay.

So everything must be okay.

Yeah.

Everything is okay now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You wake up in panic, feeling like you weren't breathing.

You look around, is your room.

You're on your bed.

Your husband is on your side. Sleeping peacefully. Awwn.

Everything looks the same.

Holy moly, that was an ride! Why did you had such an weird dream?

God that was terrible, everything looked so much like an horror movie.

Geez, you're glad you didn't wake your husband up with that jump you made.

"- Is everything okay, [Y/N]?"

Oh, nevermind, you waked him up.

"- Ah, don't worry, crazy dream, heh!"

"- Was it, really bad?"

"- Well, it was about-" you were stopped from a moment.

When you met your husband face.

"- Is there something wrong?" He asked you.

Did it have something wrong? You, you couldn't tell.

"- Oh nothing, I'm just trying to remember the whole dream, it was, pretty bad."

You said that, trying to reassure your lovely husband, it was nothing worth worrying about.

The blue eyed male gives you an little smile in response. He is so happy to know you're okay.

(Little sketch about this that I simply don't know where the fuck this idea came from)

(Edited some misspellings)

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

[annabethisterrified]

Book Review: THE TYRANT’S TOMB by Rick Riordan (The Trials of Apollo #4)

“Today, one way or another, the fate of New Rome would be decided.”

THERE ARE NO SPOILERS UNTIL YOU GO BELOW THE CUT!

Reeling from the loss of Jason Grace and the mounting danger of his mission to stop the evil emperors ascendance, Apollo (aka Lester) and Meg arrive disheveled and devastated in New Rome...with a coffin in tow. Getting into Camp Jupiter is tricky enough, and once Apollo and Meg get caught up to speed on the chaos that’s been wreaked in the Bay Area, they realize that the impending battle will be the culmination of everything they’ve been fighting for. Reyna, Frank, and Hazel’s leadership roles put them to the ultimate test as they scramble to prepare for their final stand against Caligula and Commodus. Together, Apollo, Meg, and the inhabitants of New Rome must mourn who they’ve already lost while simultaneously gearing up for the inevitable confrontation that will seal the fate of their home once and for all. 

The penultimate installment of The Trials of Apollo picks up on the heels of The Burning Maze’s tragic conclusion. Through Apollo’s perspective, the reality of what went down in the third book continues to weigh heavily upon the whole cast, but most of their focus is forced forward to an incredibly dangerous confrontation slated for the Blood Moon. Loose ends from the Heroes of Olympus series are tied neatly yet surprisingly, and the continued evolution of Apollo and Meg’s bond shines as the book’s true, gleaming heart. Apollo’s own recognition of his past failings, his father’s abusiveness, and the reality of what his humanity has taught him all come to a head, setting up what’s sure to be an impactful fifth and final book-- not just for Apollo’s journey, but as a capstone for what the whole saga’s implications about what it means to be a hero, and to be a human. 

The Tyrant’s Tomb is consistently entertaining and heartfelt, but the final third of the story proves to be the most deftly-crafted and meaningful. Though not as heavy as its previous installment, this fourth book gives plenty of focus on some lovely development from our main protagonist, priming the series for its finale next fall.

If you click below, there will be spoilers. 

Hello? Okay. You promise you’re good for spoilers...?

All right, just because of who I am as a person I guess, I’ve broken this down into like ten sections. Ooof. Generally, I will say that I was super pleased with how this story went. My only disappointment was that I’d hoped for more of a prolonged or “on-screen” unpacking of the effects of Jason’s death on the Camp Jupiter kids, specifically Reyna. However, I get that that’s kind of hard to do through Apollo’s perspective. I wasn’t totally sold on the idea that he sang a song haha, but I’m glad that Jason’s loss wasn’t just addressed at the beginning and then “moved on” from. It was threaded throughout, showing that grief is not something that you can check off a list. This is something that will always stay with these characters, and alter how they live and feel about things. It ebbs and flows. In addition, I think there could’ve been just a bit more action in the first half of the story, but it was never boring or aimless. And the concluding battle was expertly written and soooooo amazing omfg. Still reeling.

Anyway, let’s go.

FRANKLY, I HAVE NOTHING BUT LOVE

I’m so happy we got the chance to see Frank leading Camp Jupiter as praetor! He did such a good job, but also acknowledged that this is still a new role he’s transitioning into. I was so pleasantly surprised at how he managed to be both authoritative and gentle, and it was gut-wrenching to know that he intended to take Caligula down with him. When I imagined the fallout of Jason’s death, I always pictured Reyna being the one to tear down the emperors in revenge, which was why I was so affected by Frank’s commitment to honoring his friend. Not only did he order Jason’s designs to be built in like thirty hours, but he was so ready to avenge Jason that he was fully prepared to die. 

What. An. Arc. I LOVE HIM. I’m glad he’s finally free of his burden, and that he gets to keep doing an epic job as praetor (though hopefully during more future peaceful times). Camp Jupiter’s lucky to have him. 

SHINE ON HAZEL

Words can’t express how infatuated I was with Hazel in this book. She’s always been one of my favorites, but she really shone in this story. She was already so strong and developed at the end of Heroes of Olympus, but this book still brought her out better and smarter than she was before. She cannot be stopped. Hazel’s determination and grit make her formidable, and she definitely proved to be Rome’s greatest asset throughout the entire story. 

I think it’s great that she gets to step up and take on Jason and Reyna’s former role of praetor...alongside Frank, too! I didn’t expect her to react with anger towards Jason once she found out about his death, but it hit me hard. She initially took Jason’s death to be a reflection of the Seven’s failings as a team. Hazel loved how powerful the bond between them all was, and when Jason took on the burden of TBM’s prophecy alone without confiding in anyone, I can totally see why she felt like that was a betrayal. UGH hit me hard.

REYNA REYNA REYNA!

Reyna is just objectively an amazing character. I’m so so so glad we got to revisit her in this story, and loved where she ended up going. Starting this book, I had literally no idea how she would be handled. She’s always been the quintessential strong leader, which is awesome, but I’m glad we got to unpack the implications behind her very...layered...existence. Leaving Puerto Rico in a traumatic situation, going straight to Circe’s Island, escaping as a pirate, carving out her path in New Rome, getting roped into the Titan then Giant War? Damn. She’s been through a lot, and none of it of her own free will.

Like I mentioned earlier, I wish we’d learned more of how she dealt with Jason’s death. They were obviously really close growing up, and though it was clear she was devastated and things were referenced “off-screen”, I still kind of wish we’d gotten a bit more. Regardless, I liked that the focus of her presence in this book was about HERSELF and nobody else. 

And hello!!!!! She has a red truck!!!! and goes out hiking with her greyhounds??? makes me so glad. 

And yeah-- that ending, huh? I know it got mixed reactions. Personally, it felt pretty natural to me. I’m so glad she stayed in touch with Thalia after the events of HoO, and knowing that they’ll be on eternal adventures with a bunch of other wonderful girls....happy sigh. Reyna’s right-- this is kind of a much-needed vacation by joining Artemis’s team. No matter how long or short she stays with them, it’s important that she’s able to reclaim her destiny and figure out what and who she’d like to be. 

APOLLO & MEG

These two!!!!!!!!!!!! Holy shit. Their bond was so well handled and I loved seeing how it developed in this installment. They can communicate on an instinctual level-- they can call each other out, and recognize the abusive patterns both of their fathers have over them. They have so much in common, but also have so much to teach one another. I loved that they were both able to tell each other “I love you” and ughhhh yes the sibling dynamic is so epic. (Also, the whole Reyna and Meg ganging up on Apollo about Koronis bit was hysterical.) (And the “I thought you loved me?” “I’m multitasking.”) 

WHERE TO NEXT?

Just because I haven’t said this yet, but HOLY MOLY I adored Lavinia. Oh my god. She was amazing-- hilarious, presumptuous, go-getter, kind...what a star!!! What a joy to read!

Anyway, now it’s onto the fifth and final installment...THE TOWER OF NERO. I’m so happy that we’re going back to where this story started (in both Hidden Oracle and The Lightning Thief)....New York! And it sounds like also a potential field trip to Delphi, Greece? I’m down!

I’m assuming we’ll be able to tag up with Annabeth, since she’s the only main-player we haven’t yet revisited in ToA. And probably also Percy, Nico, Will, Austin, Kayla, etc. at Camp Half Blood. 

There’s a lot of ways this could all go down, but I think this book set up a heart-wrenching conclusion. I’m looking forward to Apollo and especially Meg standing up to their fathers and claiming their own lives. I’m not even sure if Apollo will want to be returned to godhood by the time his trials are up. We delved into some really interesting threads in this book-- he mentioned several times that he’d only ever felt comfortable and “at home” when he was human. What will that mean for his final trial? 

In either case, this book was fabulous and I’m so glad we got a chance to learn more about Camp Jupiter and New Rome...and I feel like a lot got resolved, so it felt like a satisfying way to say goodbye to the California crew. I doubt they’ll be in the last book, so it was bittersweet but fitting to leave them as we did!

Now, we wait. One last time! Thanks for reading this if you made it all the way down, haha!

[amwritingmeta]

21 Supernatural Questions

I was tagged by @deletingpoint - thanks for the kind words, girl!! Made my day! You rock the block! And yes don’t mind if I do join in, this looks fun. :P

1. When did you start watching Supernatural?

I’d seen stray episodes before - I’ve absolutely no clue which ones - but then I binged S1-6 in 2013 while being ill with the flu and I was hooked before it came up, because I loved S1-3 and the brother dynamic and thought it was a really awesomely well-written piece of television, but when they introduced the will-they-won’t-they-make-this-uber-masculine-guy-be-into-guys-and-specifically-the-guy-with-wings I was pretty much gone for. So I caught up on the show and watched it until a few episodes into S9 (don’t judge me, I was surface watching and couldn’t get with the program at the time because why wasn’t Dean gay already??) and then I quit watching for a few years because I couldn’t stand the grey area and the uncertainty. I also wasn’t invested enough to stand it, tbh, and felt, naw, I’ll get back to this if it ever seems like they’re actually gonna do anything with this thing they’re hinting so strongly at. Picked it back up while S12 was airing and here we now are.

2. Who is your favorite in TFW?

But the other two might get jealous!

(okay, it’s Cas)

3. Who is your least favorite in TFW?

They’re the holy trinity and none of their character progression works without all of them taking up their allotted space in the narrative and how can you not love them all what is wrong with this question why am I hyperventilating why aren’t they beloved equally gaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh

(but Cas is my favourite)

4. Tag your top 5 Supernatural blogs!

I sincerely can’t, but I can tag a few people whom I very much appreciate and whose answers to this questionnaire I would be intrigued to see: @godshipsit​ @charlie-minion​ @mad-as-a-box-of-frogs​ @waywardliliana​ @natmoose​ @purgatory-jar​ @myed89​ @inacatastrophicmind​ @rustling-pages​ @angelneedshunter​ @nerdylittleshit​ @obsessionisaperfume​ @assbuttboyfriends​ @misskittyspuffy​ @starsinursa​ @postmodernmulticoloredcloak​ @casismybestfriend​ @mittensmorgul​ @elizabethrobertajones​  - you’re all like bursts of colour and glitter glue and I’m happy you’re around! :) (btw I always find it awkward to tag specific peeps because there are so many of you lovelies that I would honestly tag so just know that this most likely includes you) (yeah that’s right) (YOU) <3

5. Who is your favorite character (not including TFW)?

Jack

6. Who is your favorite woman in Supernatural?

Rowena

7. John or Mary?

Mary

8. What were your first opinions of Sam, Dean, Cas, and Jack?

Sam: my first impression of him was very coloured by my impression of Jared as Dean on Gilmore Girls, so to hear someone call Jared Sam and then this Sam call someone else Dean was a bit jarring while watching the pilot. My earliest opinion of Sam was that he was kind, good with people, skilled, independent and, yes, haunted by past choices.

Dean: Immediate impression was oh, he’s one of those guys, and then almost straight away that first impression was blown to bits and everyone knows that he’s very, very easy to fall in love with quickly, so my love for him grew strong within a few episodes, for sure. First opinion formed holds until this day: someone who’s lost and who’s searching for a way home. In every sense of that sentence. 

Cas: Holy shitballs, who’s this now?? was pretty much my first reaction to Cas’ entrance. It blew me away. It was an absolute game changer. It made me sit up. It made my brain go... are they... are they going to make Dean Winchester... is Dean Winchester into men?? And because on my first watch I’d not seen the little hints of this that now are so damn glaringly obvious, the chemistry between Dean and Cas literally made a lot of shit click into place for me regarding what I was potentially actually watching, and raised my emotional investment sky high considering the possible social commentary baked into the overall message of family and identity, and yeah, that still holds true to this day.

Jack: I was ready to fight tooth and nail for him after 12x19. That episode is still one of the best 42 or so minutes of television I’ve ever seen. The plant of Jack as a needed push for Cas’ progression hit me in the heart, and once it clicked that Jack represented the holy trinity of Heaven, Hell, Humanity, and how he might narratively prove a knitting point for TFW, something for them all to rally around, well, I was pretty much done for.

9. What’s your favorite season?

This is a really hard question because watching a season from start to finish means taking all of it in, and all of them - when start-to-finished - I feel are rather outstanding, but twist my arm and I’ll say: S1 or S4 or S5 or S8 or S9 or S11 or S13 (I can’t narrow it down to just one season alright?) and S14 and looking at what we have so far with this unfinished season I’d name S15, definitively.

10. What’s your least favorite season?

Oh, man. Make a girl sweat. So, here’s the thing, I genuinely see each season as adding something valuable to the whole, you know? I suppose S6 drags a bit, but I really like the tone and the noir sensibility of it, so I wouldn’t really call it my least favourite, but if I were to choose one season to binge over a weekend, S6 wouldn’t necessarily be first pick.  

11. Opinions on Destiel?

Ah, yes, the obligatory essay question. Please see attachment. *points to blog*

12. Do you believe Supernatural queerbaits?

Look, to my mind, the reason Dean and Cas aren’t together yet is character related. They need to get their fucking ducks in a row. (and then those ducks will hopefully be fucking all over the place) (okay that’s graphic bird sex but you know what I mean) (not literally Dean and Cas dressed up as ducks and fucking) (but like... good stuff for the eyes will be happening that isn’t necessarily fucking feather related) (wait) (oh ffs brain!!) (you HAD to go there didn’t you??) (moving on) (or rather answering the question) --> I don’t believe they queerbait, no. 

13. Seasons 1-7 or 8-14?

8-15x03

14. Favorite villain (plot wise)?

*chills are multiplying* 

I love Chuck as the Big Bad, sincerely, but oh mannnn Michael.

15. Do you think they should end the Lucifer plot line?

Yeah, this questionnaire has been in drafts for a while now so um... I mean, the Lucifer plot line as it pertains to SAM should reach a satisfactory conclusion, but as it pertains to Lucifer’s play for Jack and breaking God’s toys etc. yeah, no, done.

16. Who do you think has gone through more trauma (Sam, Dean, or Cas)?

That’s too relative to their highly linked, and yet wholly individual relationship with their past and lingering sense of trauma. I think @deletingpoints reply was something along the lines of: Can you measure trauma? And I agree. They’ve all been deeply traumatised at different stages of their life and they’ve all dealt with their individual trauma in different ways. 

17. What’s your favorite Supernatural episode?

I’m sorry, what? I thought you just asked me to pick one favourite episode out of 3678916236363487236783 times infinity. This is mathematically impossible and since I’m sadly not fluent in math and have absolutely no access to any type of calculator or abacus or, I don’t know, a neighbour who happens to make amazing fucking latte and dresses in knits and is attractive in a non-conventional way and also happens to be a math genius, I must reject the question outright and plead the 105th. (i.e. I cannot possibly)

18. Do you like case episodes?

Where’s that gif of Dean going Dude Yes?

^^^

19. Who do you relate most to in TFW?

Darling Cas. Socially awkward and lost but growing into his own skin Castiel. My God, I love him so dearly. There are not words for how much I relate to him, or for what he’s done for my personal self-reflection, or how much I’m now re-relating to his need to push himself out of his comfort zone and dare. I owe him. *hugs into oblivion*

20. Why do you like Supernatural?

Ohhhhh, goody, one of those multi-choice questions. Is it:

a) because of the absolutely stunning character journeys 

b) because of the absolutely smashing world and all its mythology 

c) because of the underlying social commentary and the intricate use of subtext to effectively, though subtly, bring ideas linked to the conscious/unconscious sides to us into not only the use of already mentioned mythology, influencing the world building, but also wholly guiding, impacting and giving momentum to the already mentioned stunning character journeys

d) all of the above

e) all of the above, and a little bit more that would take an actual book to relay

E. It’s E. All the way the answer is E. 

21. If you could bring back one character and kill off another who would they be?

I’d bring back Eileen and holy moly Shoshanna is coming our way. And I don’t have a character to kill off tbh. Let them live, I say. :)

I genuinely tag EVERYONE. Go on, everyone, you know you wanna!  :) xx

[secretagentspydetectiveninja]

hey so remember like last year when i was re-reading misadventures and fixing typos? (well, i say that, but it was just an excuse to re-read it and write some absolutely absurd commentary on it...) i found old notes in my phone from january with even more so guess i may as well post it because people seemed to find it funny at the time, it’s basically just The Misadventures of Aish Realizing Things though

[yeah so here’s the original notes i’m not even gonna change anything even though lots of Lore has happened in the show and we Know things now, you just get to see what january aish typed]

ok well let’s go then chapters 31-35 oh god

oh yeah the ML Blackout! I remember that

hm it’s occurring to me maaaaaybe I should post a bit of a warning on this chapter. like “yes this starts off stupid and cracky and fluffy but takes a complete 180 in the middle and you will end up sobbing.”

or maybe I should put that as a disclaimer on the whole fic cause it’s one hell of a ride

THE AROACE SCIENCE JOURNAL YESSSSSSS THAT COMES BACK LATER

yeah the reason why the early parts of this chapter are very lighthearted is honestly because the fic was getting a bit too bleak, I needed something cheerful, so paper planes and arm wrestles it was

wait... isn’t this just that scene from Anansi??? where like Nora challenges Nino to an arm wrestle but then he wins because Someone Else Nearby Did A Thing

also this is Peak characterization, damn Aish, you rly outdone yourself, congration

any time I drop the word “inkling” into a fic it is always 100% a splatoon reference

MAX WOW TONE DOWN THE GAY

heh... BI-ceps...

oh my godddd Max trying to play off his ogling as “ah yes I am scientifically studying Kim’s arm muscles ofc, it’s science I swear” is SO frickin funny I’m already losing it

Alix: “scientifically speaking I’m hot therefore you have to lose this arm wrestle” hshdhdghshskkjkdhshs

^literally the kind of nonsense every single teen I know spouts irl

including me when I was a teen, I just said things

(I still just say things)

you can’t bring up the sports bra thing goddammit, I agree it’s cheating because it has the power to one-hit kill anyone in the vicinity

I love how Max thinks his crush on Kim is “under control” while like. visibly swooning over him

OH MY GOD THE PILLOWS SHHDJDHDHDHSKHS

OKAY SO LIKE I was supposed to put the thing about Kim snogging a pillow in chapter 20 but I forgot or something and then I just had to get it in somehow, oh it kills me dead just thinking about it, I’m dying, I’m dead

and the fact that he admits to it as well, holy moly

KIM

K I M

THAT’S GAY

OH WOW

this is the moment when Alix’s Kimax shipper heart was suddenly feeling validated like “omg wait Kim DOES like Max??? like for real??????”

awwwww Kim, Max doesn’t have those kind of superpowers, you just have a crush on him that’s all <3

THE SKATEBOARDING SNEK!!!!!!!!!!!!

“What the heck is that?” “My snake.” DYINGGGG

Kim trying to figure out if the snake is sitting or standing is a whole mood

ohhhhhhhh my gosh poor Alix trying so damn hard to subtly ask Kim if he likes Max and Kim’s just. so DUMB he doesn’t even get it no matter how obvious she is

she’s even trying to pull out those stupid amatonormative “so is he MORE than a friend???” questions just to get this idiot to figure it out because she knows allo-romos are Like That and he still doesn’t get it,,

[future aish says: the word is alloro, past aish. it’s alloro]

AND SO NOW SHE ASSUMES THEY’RE NOT INTO EACH OTHER BECAUSE SHE THINKS EVEN KIM CAN’T BE THAT STUPID

YOU UNDERESTIMATE HIS STUPIDITY

oh no... oh NO.... the letter.... here we go....

btw yes Gabriel had Kim’s grandad assassinated, it was indeed his doing

...isn’t this lowkey the plot of The Lion King?

or Long Live The Queen

hmmm let’s just say in the sequel poor Kim really will have to deal with the stresses of ruling a country >:D

NO MY POOR SON HAVING A BREAKDOWN, I WANT TO HUG HIM

(also can I just say like... this chapter is actually well-written for the most part? I’m actually kinda impressed)

unfortunately I know the feeling of wanting, needing to return home, but it fills you with dread... *hugs Kim forever*

Kim crying all over Max both hurts me and sort of heals me because Max is so sweet and comforting about it ohhh my heeeaaart

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

THIS IS LOWKEY A LOVE CONFESSION I SWEAR, IT’S SO CUTE

chapter 32 being called “Un chat noir” is kinda dumb af but also it just so happened that I accidentally had the chapter called “Coccinelle” be chapter 64, aka exactly double of 32, so that was kinda neat

Plagggggg!!!!!!!!!!

and Wayhem lol, I think I’ve already mentioned how originally this noble was just some random irrelevant unnamed OC until I decided way later it’s gay stalker fanboy

oh yeah that’s how the nobility recognize the royalty, I forgot lol

(also nobles from countries with widespread newspress or tv will recognize them from news reports and stuff I guess)

the fact that Plagg just hates Wayhem is funny to me for some reason

MISADVENTURES

HOLY SHIT I ACTUALLY THREW IN THE ACTUAL WORD

except it was in reference to Adrien... let’s just say that The Misadventures of Imperial Prince Adrien may or may not make an appearance in the sequel >:D

...the Adrienette is literally just in this fic so that people would read it, ngl

hhhhhhhhhhhh okay it’s true Alix is an aro idiot who doesn’t know anything about romance but for once she’s RIGHT, Kim IS in love with Max, but she assumes she’s wrong hshgshdjhdnsnsh

oh my god noooo timeline twin go away and stop giving me nightmares

I still love how they hate each other, that’s some top-notch self-hatred right there and I need to get on their level

[future aish note: no past self!! be nice to yourself!! you are a cool bean!! own it!!]

YOU FOOL... EVERY CLASSMATE WOULD TAKE A SWORD TO THE HAND FOR ALIX, WHY WOULDN’T THEY

ỳïķèš,,,

honestly I probably should stop being lazy and actually go back to like idk chapter 8 and put in an actual monopoly game (it had to have been before the oracle sessions in ch10 at least)

fun fact!! I have indeed very nearly had a fist fight over the last dark blue card in a monopoly game!! also I blatantly cheated, and the main opponent locked someone else (an 8 year old btw) in a cupboard... it was Wild(TM)

me and my irl friend actually came up with the butterfly thing when we were at the cinema once, she made up this random angry gardener OC who stepped on a butterfly after being fired or something lol

I mentioned Rose liking unicorns!!!! before Captain Hardrock!!!!!!!

shdhdhkshs Alix is such a moody emo brat in this fic I adore it

“The only real difference between you and me is one dead butterfly.” goddammit that’s the creepiest fucking thing, I’m genuinely shaking

technically it’s a butterfly’s fault for ALL the timelines which means that we’re all one butterfly away from death at any moment

cheerful stuff

no, no, you’re not trying to block it out on purpose... I’M trying to block it out on purpose bc I’m highkey shamelessly projecting

god I wish my timeline twin would manifest in the astral plane and punch me in the arm too

“Count yourself lucky you’re not a pillow, idiot.” in-context this is contender for Most Cursed Line I Have Ever Written In My Life

and yes Alix was about to straight-up swear

Mylène rollerskating is extremely blessed and good

pfffffffff Max you coward, I stand on swivel chairs all the time

*me, chanting at the spider in my room* KIMAX! KIMAX! KIMAX!

Kim literally making every excuse to not put Max down is amazing honestly

Kim and Max’s origins story is sooooooooooo cute wtf

THIS IS SO BLESSED OH MY HEART

HE’S JUST STANDING THERE CUDDLING HIM I’M

DECEASED

I,,,, swear to god,,,,,,,

so like. I know it’s now canon in the show that Kim really is as oblivious to his feelings as I wrote him in this. but MY GOD. IT’S FRIGGIN PAINFUL

KIM YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH MAX, FULL HOMO, THAT’S WHY YOU’RE FEELING LIKE THIS, IT’S NOT THAT COMPLICATED DAMMIT

oh yeah I wrote the kimax bits rly early and my old url was @queenkubdel haha

aight now a no-kimax chapter, but at least it’s a goodun

there’s that catradora-esque weather girls frenemyship again

Kim having a full-on breakdown when he finds out Alix’s hair isn’t really pink is actually really blessed, no lemme explain

so this universe has magic, right?? so he thinks to himself that the reason his friend has pink hair is because she must be some sort of anime protagonist or Really Important and Cool or something, and it never even occurred to him to doubt her

in other words he’s betrayed because he WANTED HIS FRIEND TO BE A COOL SHONEN HERO

which is both hilarious AND very sweet

...oh wait I’ve scrolled down and it turns out I literally explained all that in the fic itself hhdgjdvzjdjhs

and yeah honestly I can’t blame poor Kim for taking it so badly, he’s still reeling from his grandfather’s assassination so it’s natural his emotions are not exactly Regulated atm

actually when are his emotions ever regulated

1703-1899 hm... might change that since the fic takes place in 1957-1960 so even though it’s a commissioned history of the empire it was before Gabriel was even born so like why would he even care lmao

“Great Western Ocean” so pretentious, just say the Atlantic omg

I’ve been playing way too much civ because the first thing that came to mind was that everyone’s denounced Agreste due to the high warmongering penalties of the industrial/modern eras

Chloé and Kim is one hell of a brotp okay I still firmly believe that

also Chloé still loves her rococo fashion, she’s just toned it down enough that she can fit through doors and it’s not quite as “in your face” towards commoners

listen I know in the show Kim still liked Chloé for a while after Dark Cupid but in this he got over her quicker because his crush on her wasn’t as deep in the first place

Kim literally tells Chloé he gave the brooch to Max and yet STILL doesn’t realize he likes him!!! KIM!!!!!!!!!!

Chlodemption arc yesssssssss

also she’s a lesbeean

(ye Pollen will be in the sequel don’t you worry)

god I’m so proud of her <3

it feels believable too, so I’m proud of myself!! (I’m trying to be nice to myself before next chapter where I will no doubt roast myself so badly I’ll never recover)

outdated laws about marriage... jeez was that cursed foreshadowing or what

YES IT’S IVAN, I LOVE THIS BOY, HE’S SO GRUMPY AND ANGRY ALL THE TIME AND HE HATES KIM

...actually wait this is sibling culture

I literally speak like this to my brother and he’s my best friend so in conclusion Ivan thinks of Kim as an annoying brother

Jalil why are you a historian. just go be a psychologist and stop your sister accidentally hecking up the country

omg the Antarctica thing, I’m just imagining Jalil in the freezing cold with a massive coat on and getting chased by penguins

I love how the timeline twin’s plan was “escape school, force Adrien to get a venomous pet, then abandon him immediately in the middle of nowhere” and later on it turns out she skipped step two and just ditched him lmaoooooo

being so ace that your brain goes straight to “death and murder” before anything else is the biggest mood, I speak from experience

Jalil knows... he had that conversation with Kim in chapter 20... he Knows

“a bit unsupportive” um that is an extreme understatement good grief he was more savage than ME

RISE OF THE KIMAX SHIPPERS

oh don’t worry the venom death still haunts me too

chapter I Hate You... “A rather rotten winter party” well it should have been named A RATHER ROTTEN CHAPTER DO YOU KNOW HOW IMPOSSIBLE THIS ONE WAS TO WRITE OMG I HATE WRITING MYSELF INTO CORNERS

you see I had to have a motive for the timeline twin to explain things properly so that I could put in a really really dumb pun later but that meant I had to unfortunately suffer many allergic reactions again

[future aish note: forgot to mention, i also needed a motive for kim to stop eating chocolate forever, so i had to Curse this chapter as a sacrifice in order to save his life later on]

alright, alright, here we go, I’ll stop procrastinating and just get this over with

oh yeah it’s chapters like these that the fic’s rated T lol

the Adrikim friendship is indeed important... for later... like, plot-relevant levels of important... life-saving levels...

“some event” is the Peace Ball actually and I can’t wait because that chapter’s actually a good one

KIM BRAGGING ABOUT KISSING ADRIEN LAST YEAR IS SO FUCKING FUNNY OH MY GOD I’M LOSING MY MIND???

like last year he was LITERALLY LIKE “oh boo hoo I cannot tell anyone about this because Adrien is Ã Bøyê” and now he’s just like “yeah I kissed a hot boy and what about it???”

to be fair he is on an extreme sugar rush from all the chocolate he ate, which will... be a plot point in just a moment...

PILLOW GIRLFRIEND

I’m the amused nobles, they are me

oh my god Kim we get it you want to kiss someone (Max) and you don’t want to outright say it

holy shit do any of these kids ever think before they speak??? not to sound like the timeline twin or anything but alix... you could have avoided this if you’d bothered to use your one (1) brain cell

[future aish note: bold of me to assume that alix has a brain cell]

Kim wants to now fight his PARALLEL SELF oh my god, get on my level Kim, I want to fight my actual self like right now so there

stfu all of you, this is poisoning my liver

Max is the biggest mood and at least mildly sensible thank god, but he really shouldn’t have left those two alone for even a second

I AGREE PLATONIC LOVE IS UNDERRATED

the chair... the fucking c h a i r... I’m already lying down but I need to lie down harder just to process the absurdity of this

(I think I was gonna have Alix fall off the chair just because that’s hilarious but I forgot)

look I can’t take heartrate seriously but if you ever write it then you are legally required to put in kissing contests or you’re doing it wrong

fudgin Adrienette kiss offscreen and irrelevant

DJWIFI!!! AND ACTUAL PROPER DJWIFI!!!! I was sick of seeing it treated as some kind of pair-the-spares beta couple so I flipped the script and had them literally call out that trope while treating Adrienette as irrelevant instead, which is also why the sequel will be extremely djwifi-centric

“super swanky bae” please stop misusing commoner slang I’m begging you

THERE’S THE PLOT POINT I WAS TALKING ABOUT

Theo was right here, he witnessed with his own eyes how much chocolate Kim ate, so he knows for a fact that if you give Kim chocolate he will scarf it down without a second thought... so hypothetically if one sent him poisoned chocolates... dyou see where I’m going with this...

oh and Theo still has like every job btw

Alya!!!! no!!!!! hire him again!!!!!!!! then he won’t send the chocolates!!!!!!!!!! aaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

there goes me hinting how alyadrininette is the ultimate ot4 again

...do I really wanna scroll down and keep going? no I don’t but I guess I gotta, and relive every one of my most embarrassing school sleepovers in the process

full offence to everyone bothering to read this but kissing sounds gross, actually

(for the record it was probably like... 10 seconds or something idk it was Not Long At All)

“probably not more than 5 minutes” omg I just said it was 10 seconds??? hmmm m okay like 20 seconds maaaybe, Kim just has no sense of time perception

neither do I based on my microwaving skills

SHIT THIS IS LITERALLY A SCHOOL SLEEPOVER

INNOCENT DUMBASS AROACE ASKING “what does that mean? what’s this? what’s that? it’s okay you can tell me :-)”

omg I forgot the snake was there ahshdhdkshfs I’m the snake, probably wants to launch itself out of the window so big mood

most of the fic so far had Alix being really aro so I was like damn... gotta make her really ace too

(if I ever bother writing the Kimdine AU then you actually get an aro character who isn’t ace, because we need more of them, but I won’t say who) (okay fine it’s Luka)

I tend not to be too British in my writing so as not to give the Americans heart attacks whenever they see someone referring to their mother as “mum” etc, but like... sometimes you just gotta throw in the word “snogging”

(I’m typing this out on my phone rn and it has exactly 69% battery, I hate this and also hate that I felt the need to mention that)

THE HOCKEY THING MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE BEEN BASED OFF A REAL LIFE THING. *SWEATS NERVOUSLY*

honestly I was soooooo tempted to actually write The Talk bit, it would have been the funniest thing ever, but I was also 99% sure I would have to change the rating to M (despite it not even remotely being smut lol, just a regular biology lesson) and there was no way I was doing that, pretty sure I pushed the T rating at some points as it is

[future aish: god i am still so tempted to write it. man, i’m tempted. it would be the funniest thing. but no... i have sworn not to write anything above a T rating so guess i won’t.]

YEAH THE THROWING UP THING TOO WAS DEFINITELY NOT BASED ON REAL LIFE OR ANYTHING *MORE NERVOUS SWEATING*

(it genuinely wasn’t a flowerpot though. it’s my life’s goal to throw up in a flowerpot and I still haven’t achieved it.)

all of this is an Ace Mood(TM)

also I love how elaborately I’ve worded this, like yeah idiot royal teenagers are too royal and posh to ever bother just saying the word “sex” like a normal person

to any 17 year old aces: you aren’t too young to know, I told myself that aggressively when I was 17 but now I’m 22 and I’m still just as ace as I always was sooooo yeah

I also hope I can wake up tomorrow and forget I read this trash

well tbh... it’s not total trash... it highkey reminds me of my school days, like, maybe that was subconscious or something... god who even knows

jeez if timeline twin slapped me in the face I’d just keel over and die from sheer terror, other than that that’s HILARIOUS

timeline twin: “YOU HAVE ONE (1) BRAIN CELL NOW P L E A S E CONSIDER USING IT”

fuckeninf hell listen,,, so when I was writing this chapter I didn’t know I was aro... I mean, I was kinda questioning it?? but all I knew was I was ace, and that me not knowing that as a teenager almost totally screwed me over because like

to be normal or to feel normal there’s things you do or say that you don’t want, and things you know would happen or whether you want something or not you’ll take it because you think you’re expected to, because otherwise you’ll have to confront yourself with the fact that something is wrong with you and you don’t know what or why or how to fix it

and being aro on top of that is misunderstanding how to navigate close friendships because of this fundamental fear that if you want to be close with someone then friendship can’t suffice, that how much you care about them doesn’t matter

and things I did or almost did, or had the chance to do and only stopped because (awfully enough) crippling anxiety which ironically saved me (let’s just say the dude turned out to be a creep)... yeah basically this is all a callback to that aroace teenager feel where you can’t help not being true to yourself because you don’t want to, because you don’t know what’s wrong or right, only what’s “normal” and the ache of knowing that you’re not, no matter how much you try

and I didn’t know I was aro while writing this but in hindsight it’s easy to see how that played into it too, and writing this definitely played a part in me realizing I’m aro and was somehow trying to work through some very pent-up feelings about friendship and closeness with people, as well as pent-up feelings about being ace and how that tied into everything too

...in short, do not phuck the pharaoh or you will get HOUSE ARRESTED and DIE

(jk jk she’ll just be awkward around you forever lol, and then SHE’LL get house arrested and die, because you’re not commoners so your actions actually have consequences you dumb idiots)

this entire thing is just a whole mood and lowkey my teenage years holy fuck holy fuck I hate that I’m only just realizing how bloody hard I was projecting

I literally read a post the other day about how unrequited love is only ever usually explored from the perspective of the person who’s in love, whereas aros are usually on the receiving end of it and it’s a tragedy in its own right that you might do things that wind up driving you apart because you can’t bring yourself to love them back but you can’t tell them because of the fear that it’ll push them away... and I gotta say, I totally nailed it 💪

...you know what I’ve changed my mind, chapter 34 is good actually, and now I need to make a time machine and go and hug my 17 year old self for living this, and then hug my 20 year old self for writing this, I’m sorry I was mean to this chapter it’s very relatable and I shouldn’t keep beating myself up over it

thinking makes me miserable too!! that’s why it’s optimistic nihilism only lads

impulse control, hmmm... someone who’s good for him, hmmmmmm... it’s almost like someone like that is right there and exists and is already in love with him 😏

so apparently timeline twin’s idea of “fixing her life” is burning all her bridges and then hecking off to the Kazakh wilderness for over a year

did Alix just... ask the snake if it’s aroace too???

I mean it definitely is, but...

UGH SNAKES DON’T BLINK, I’M STILL SO ANGRY ABOUT THIS

chapter 35, thank god, the title “Finally!” is very apt

(because I can finally change the music from Death Valley to something else lol)

oh poor Max, his heart goes on a real rollercoaster these few chapters doesn’t it? it’s okay buddy, in like 10 chapters you’ll get your man...

NO BUT SHE H A S FIGURED IT OUT!!! SORT OF!!!

I just misread “despite” as “despacito”, I’m going to bed and continuing this tomorrow dammit

alright I am now funky refreshed and ready to roll, let’s get this kimax party started

Max is angsting internally like “no one’s realized I like Kim :( well except Juleka but she’s a lesbian so she doesn’t count” ashgdjsghskk that mlm/wlw solidarity is holding out I see

YES ALIX YOU DO NEED TO TALK TO NATH MORE, THAT’S YOUR FREAKING BEST BUD IN THE SHOW MAY I REMIND YOU

this is all so Irony it’s murdering me dead

okay yeah I’m gonna be really honest and salty here for a second, this bit where Max is annoyed that Alix takes Nath more seriously as a contender than him was me being a bit salty over the fact that like... kimnath/tomato ketchup is a great rarepair but got so weirdly popular amongst people who didn’t seem to care about Max as a character at all despite how close he is with Kim in canon, and as a Max Stan it made me sad because he’s already not very appreciated in fandom

[future aish note: HE IS NOW BABEY!]

THERE IT IS

I WANT TO HUG MAX TOO, BLESS HIM

I also want to hug Alix because godddds I’ve been in that situation where if you were allowed to just TELL the idiots that they like each other then all their problems would be solved but noooo, you’re sworn to secrecy... *sigh*

“I’ll make sure that doesn’t change, ever...” me: *thinks about the sequel and cackles evilly while cracking my knuckles* well,,

A R O M A N T I C

listen it was VERY IMPORTANT to me that I actually put in all these actual words in the fic and made them relevant, like gay, lesbian, bisexual, etc (I think the only one I didn’t was trans, oops?? gotta remember that for the sequel, at least Nino IS trans in this even though I never said the word)

[future aish note: i feel like i didn’t say pan either, or nonbinary... more stuff for the sequel folks! i can’t put in everything but i may as well try!]

bc you see all these tv shows where a character is bi but they say they “don’t like labels” or a character with no love interest get suddenly paired up with someone random at the end... like NO I wanted to do the OPPOSITE of that bc people’s identities are IMPORTANT so I wanted to MAKE IT RELEVANT 💪

and even though I didn’t yet know here that I was aro and highkey projecting, there’s already a fair few fics dealing with asexuality but not aromanticism?? so I rly wanted to make the aro side of things important

almost relieved??? Max, you buffoon, she IS relieved, extremely

Malix friendship is good and severely underrated and I still haven’t forgiven myself for not putting more of it in this

“He was never eating chocolate again” HO-HO-HOLY SHIT THAT’S SOME FORESHADOWING RIGHT THERE

Rose is a distinguished bi who doesn’t realize Kim is a disaster bi

Kim oh my god you can’t just out Adrien “just about functional bi” Agreste like that

I love that Rose calls Kim a casanova even though he’s very much not... how many people are even into him over the course of the fic? Max, Adrien, it’s implied Marinette used to be, Lila is ambiguous, same with the lacrosse guy later, oh yeah Ondine highkey lmao along with 90% of the teenage population of Saharan Africa, Kim himself in about 2 chapters time...

Rose giving Kim the gay talk is so blessed omg I need more interaction between these two

“If you swung one way you were gay, if you swung the other way you were straight, more than one way made you bisexual, if you didn’t swing any way at all then you were probably just Alix...” I will literally NEVER be able to outdo this line, this is Peak

hmm I don’t think at any point in the fic Max says to Kim that he’s exclusively into boys... I guess he said it offscreen then lol, point is He’s Gay

OMG KIM, YOU FINALLY REALIZED WHAT THE NOSEBLEED SCENE MEANT, GOD BLESS YOU

this is like in Syren when he realizes the mermaid is Ondine and that she was trying to tell him she likes him... except this is the gay version of that

yeah Rose I really do need to get more sleep, that one was directed at me and I know it was

Kim being all like “fellas is it gay if you take off your shirt and a guy swoons at you 🤔🤔🤔”

no, no... Max is definitely a complete trainwreck at romance, just slightly less than you

god freaking dammit not the sports bra again,,, I s2g later in the fic all Ondine would have had to do is to show up in a sports bra and Kim would immediately go full ot3 mode no questions asked,,,,,,,, (I mean he does see her in a swimsuit but that’s not the same??? sports bras are in a different league okay shush)

psssssst!!! you should read heartbroken!!!! it’s a kimax fic and it’s so good!!!!! this was a lowkey shoutout!!!!!!!!

genuinely tho, even if Kim hadn’t liked Max too here, he’s being so sweet about it?? he’s worried about his poor friend’s emotional state and wishes he could have done better to help!! gahhhh their friendship/relationship is just So Blessèd

hsndhkdhdkshdh I only noticed it after finishing the fic and occasionally skimming back through, but so much of the time whenever Alix shows up Kim’s all like *ungrateful* “oh not you again” like WOW that’s one way to greet your friend?? mood tho

[future aish note: i did the exact opposite in No Romo, funnily enough! kim’s not in it much but whenever he sees alix he’s like “friend!!! friend!!!!!” and she’s just like -_- “oh it’s that guy again”]

he’s not even paying attention to her omg she’s trying to save the timeline here you idiot

POOR ALIX how frustrating,,, and also I’ve literally been there,,, the woes of being a wing-girl indeed

and now Kim wants to fight himself, why am I not surprised

aND YES HERE’S WHERE IT HITS HIM, THE EXACT FUCKING MOMENT

WHERE HE’S SUDDENLY LIKE “OH WAIT MAX’S LOVE FOR ME ISN’T UNREQUITED??? I LIKE HIM TOO HOLY SHIT????”

aaaaaaand he immediately asks the aro for love advice, why is he like this omg

gosh this is sooooo sweeeeeet

I did not let up, did I? just went ahead and made this as cheesy and cutesy and over the top as I could because It’s What Kimax Deserves

(there wasn’t rly much Kimax content yet in the fandom at this point so I had total free reign and went all-out with it)

sfjsgskdhs and there goes Alix getting her wing-efforts sidelined again

“I’m never asking out someone on a whim again. Or, uh, confessing that I like someone on a whim either.” so uh... you know how I said I’m considering making the sequel Kimaxdine? well if I do then uh. hm. this might change. because reasons.

I don’t know why I made nothing Alix ever says make sense but I’m glad I did because she’s so freaking funny

I swear I talk about Max’s eyes being “magnified in his glasses” multiple times in this fic, either that or I’m having serious deja vu

Kim’s so cute dammit!!! now that he knows he likes Max he’s just swooning over every little thing and it’s!!!! adorable!!!!!

(I wonder if this is how it was with Kimdine in the show? it does seem like Kim already liked her but just hadn’t noticed...)

huehuehuehue Kim later on you do indeed recklessly propose to Max on the spot... in like 18 chapters or so

also the fact that Kim thinks things through better when he’s around Max is just the total sweetest and also what Alix was basically trying to aim for

I love Kim showing off that he can pack all his stuff in half an hour like buddy, the porters can literally help you with that, you’re royalty remember

omg I’d forgotten I left a note here later for binge-readers!! being all like “drink water and eat food and go to sleep uwu”

lmao guess I’ll take my own advice then and leave it there for now

[future aish note: same, goodnight]

[tayegi]

Lu new rules is always worth the wait. I love it when the OC stood up to him. And Jungkook being whatever he’s trying to do is leaving us in suspense. But last the scene is perfect. I can picture that scene as if I was watching a drama. Especially when she say “it’ll be easy getting over you” and turn around VERY slowly. Gosh I just want to cry cause it’s beautifully written. JK probably scare that he’s not good enough for her?JEON JUNGKOOK you get on my nerves but I still love him.

jjiritjjiritgirl said:ohmygod the new chapter for new rules is so good ohmygod like i had to pause a lot when oc was calling jungkook out for being a coward. i wasnt the one going off but DAMN that felt good.

luxinfired said:OH SHIT I JUST FOUND OUT ABOUT THE NR UPDATE KXJABGZGQGHS Girl your writing is the best thing in the world! I love OC, she showed us her vulnerable side but then she goes and confronts Jungkook like that! That last scene was amazing, you tell them girl! Also I loved the conversation with Yoongi, I'm glad she was able to empathize with him immediately. I really want Yerin and him to find their own happiness, they deserve it~ Thank you for this wonderful piece of writing 💜

Anonymous said:jungkook a whole ass idiot

Anonymous said:Hi Lu!! U probably ddnt receive my ask from last time as well so Im writing this again! Well I just want to tell you that NR.11 WAS FUCKING AMAZING AND I'M SO SATISFIED WITH IT AND I CRIED! at first I expected OC to just yell at JK for his reaction when she confessed, thn have him tell her his story BUT SHIT SEEM SO DEEP HOLY SHIT! I feel so bad for oc and for the fact that she felt the need to say sorry? Thats kinda fucked up but I believe that's bc she was pretty shocked by his reaction[1–❄️🐰

Anonymous said:Also maybe I'm not the only one hatin' on JK, but damn boi better have a GOOD excuse to why the fuck is he being a pain in the ass, I mean.. I don't wanna judge him for his choices, but thats exactly what I wanna do BYE/ but like im pretty sure that he's been acting like a jerk to 'help OC get rid of her cancerous feelings' cuz I dnt think that he sees HER as a prob-in fact, he actually rly likes her- but he just cnt seem to accept her feelings that's so absurd.. [2—❄️🐰

Anonymous said:Like he was so happy to see her when he was with his team but once he remembered that he was supposed to ignore her he acted like he ddnt want to see her. And I really dnt know which part was he so embarrassed about when she came in calling him out in his own frat; was it bc she exposed his whipped ass in front of his we-dnt-do-feelings™ buddies? Or was it bc of sth else AMMA FUCKING SNAP! [3—❄️🐰

Anonymous said:And I really think that when OC told him that it's gonna be so easy to get over him now that he showed his true colors, like, I really think that it was a slap to his face. Cuz deep down, I dnt think he wants her to get over him and I know that shit will go down from here when the entire frat is mocking OC's speech, JM will know abt it, MJ might hear from him too AND HOPEFULLY SHE CAN KICK THE BULLSHIT OUT OF JK ONCE MORE! gosh Lu thank u so much for this amazing fic💕 u make my days😭[4/4]—❄️🐰

Anonymous said:holy mother of god wOW emphasis on the OW NR11 !!! Lu my god, idk how you've gotten me to love getting stabbed in the heart like this but !!! :,( thank you so much for updating and incorporating toxic masculinity and gaslighting into this chapter, they're such important issues and i just wish OC didn't have to deal with their effects. idk how long you're planning on making NR, all i hope for is that someone will treat OC right by the end *side-eyes JK, whispers "get it together, fool"*

Anonymous said:Thank you so much for yet another amazing chapter of NR!! I love how you write with so much detail about the thoughts of the OC when jk rejects her. For me, it heightens the emotions of the story so much and i love that I can feel what the OC feels - the initial embarrassment, the sadness, the anger. I also loved how the OC confronted JK and didn’t just dismiss her own emotions, acknowledging that they’re just as valid as JKs. Thank!!! You!!! :)

Anonymous said:hi lu! just wanted to day i love nr and that i appreciate the messages that you put in your writing. especially with the latest chapter, i relate so much to what nr yoongi is going through, and seeing that was a wonderful reminder that im not alone in this situation and that when you reach out, people will support you. again, thank you so much for writing and sharing these stories with us and i hope that you yourself have an amazing group of people who support and love you 💚💜

Anonymous said:I feel like waste it on me fits as bg music to the situation JK and OC are in after her confession in NR lol.. but anyways, just finished reading the latest chapter and wow. So many emotions. I'm so glad OC finally confronted JK, i love her fiery personality! Your writing really has me immersed in my own little bubble as I put myself in OC's shoes. Looking forward to the rest when the time comes, i'm curious to find out JK's backstory. Great work, Lu! 💕

Anonymous said:Ahh I just finished the update and its so heart wrenching. The emotions were so raw and realistic. And as hard as it was to read the pain the OC had to go through, I'm excited that either way things are moving in a new direction. She can't keep suppressing her feelings forever. Admitting feelings can be so difficult but afterwards its so freeing knowing that you're not holding anything back and being honest with yourself. I'm looking forward to the growth this will bring all of the characters.

Anonymous said:I just caught up to new rules and wow as someone who experienced a heartbreak that I never want to go through again THAT SHIT HURTED I felt the emotions of the o/c yelling at jungkook out of frustration and anger highkey wish I could’ve confronted the person that I had a relationship with in that manner yk to get it out of the system I think that way the healing is a faster process because you aren’t having an internal dialogue of what you could’ve said etc wow thank you for writing new rules! x

Anonymous said:I love the new NR chapter! It definitely hit home when you described how the OC felt after she got rejected. I love the end in this chapter. I love the OC's confrontation. I wish I could be a woman on a mission like her too. Yoongi's character got me namshooketh btw. I love how you added the lgbtq aspect into this fic. Everything about it is so realistic. And I love the gaslighting part in her confrontation so much! This is such a beautifully written fanfic. 😭❤

bekzzz said:You know what I really appreciate about New Rules. Mijoo and the Readers friendship. I love how they stuck together after everything. I also love how the reader is trying to reclaim her self esteem. I think calling Jungkook out was amazing for her. Also, maybe for him it will help him figure out his own feelings. Love is okay, being romantic is okay. It doesn't diminish masculinity or make someone weak. Thanks for this amazing update! Till next time.

Anonymous said:holy moly, new rules was eventful. i felt so much secondhand embarrassment when she was *rejected* by jk, and really hated nr jk for how he reacted... and then when oc, yerin and mijoo were together, and she felt like she needed to be the strong one. i really fucking felt that. it felt like a punch to the gut. but oc’s comments to jk really got me, and i have so much respect for her, yet pity her at the same time... as well as jk. thank you for the amazing update!! 😘 ly babe

Anonymous said:Dear god my heart was pounding all throughout that chapter lmao. How the heck you gotta get me so involved my body freaks out whenever you update New Rules? For real tho I feel for Yoongi- I know what it's like to have people be ready to ridicule and drop you for something you can't change about yourself, so that got me real good. I do hope that JK and MC are able to work themselves out they are by far one of the most interesting pairings I've read about thus far (praying for a happy ending)

Anonymous said:HOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOD! I WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS! Girl, you threw me for a loop. JK's reaction was pretty close to what I thought it would be, albeit more hostile which makes me so fucking curious like BABY WHO HURT YOU?!?!?! Yoongi turning Yerin down because he's gay just wow. I had zero inclination until the second he said it and the whole conversation was just gorgeous. And that final stomp into the frat house and speech were just glorious. Thank you my love

Anonymous said:first of all i want to thank you for the new chapter, it was such a surprise since you was so busy these past months so thank you for taking some time to write. now about the new chapter... my heart was beating so fucking fast the whole time, it’s amazing how well you’re able to express the feelings of the characters and make us all (well at least me) fell connected to the story. i’ve said this before, but the most amazing thing about nr (beside the plot & characters) is how relatable it is

Anonymous said:🎃(1) OH MY GOD YOU ARE SO CUTE AND AT SOME POINTS I AM not making any sense so be prepared 😥 💜💜 I hope I don't bore you /// Ok, here we go. ( /// means another scene or change of subject and --- means same scene but next line. Also I'll use the 🎃 emoji for Halloween's sake 😊) Damn that's gonna be so long 😥 oh well. /// Akakakakak first of all, great start! It lights up the heavy mood. And tbh who wouldn't get distracted from a half naked jk. 😏 ///

Anonymous said:🎃(2)Akskfhlskfajfkf I'm smiling. My heart is clenched tho. (I'm reading the kiss scene in the beginning) /// Why do I feel him saying I like you too won't be the way our oc means. My heart is confused. --- Fuck. --- Fuuuck... ///Ok, there's no way he would look at her with disgust. Come on giiirl. Don't fall for the lies our brain tells us. ---Ok, scratch that last. WHAT THE FUCK JEON JUNGKOOK. 😬 ----I wanna hug the oc and tell her that he is afraid and stupid for acting that way.

Anonymous said:🎃(3) That she is more than what she thinks. And like wtf he might be a star athlete and a stund but wtf about not being good enough?! Askfkddskkas. fuuck. //// You are not supposed to be fucking anything. Let it ouuut. They love you and it will help.--- Ok I get the point with it not being about you. (Ahahahahaha I'm on a roller coaster, sawrryyy) ---- Oh yaaaasss, I liiive for angry oc! You go guurl! ---- Well, if he is gay that would explain a lot. --

Anonymous said:🎃(4) ---"Trust me when I say that it would be entirely impossible with me" bruh. He is gay. --- Oh shit, he is gay...... 😶 ---- Now I'm sad. Ahahah and now I wanna hug him too . And I love the oc for being a good friend and I love that he reminds me of one of my closest friends being a tsundere.😢 /// Way to go yoongles, woop woop!! that sonofabiish. 🌚🌚---Wow when yoongi relaxed I realised I was holding my breath. Wtf ahahaha

Anonymous said:🎃(5) /// Aish. I'm getting angry at jk and angry at the oc for taking his bullshit and not being angry ahahah. ----- WHAT THE FUCK JEON KUNGKOOK WHY YOU BEING SO "TOUGH" AND "MANLY" YOU FUCKIN FUCKER 👿 (about him smiling at first and then being fake macho) ----- My eyes grew when you wrote she headed to jk frathouse 👀 --- I'm crossing my fingers for a buttkicking session, sth like mijoo did to the oc. Maybe a power point presentation of why he likes her too. Ahahah ---

Anonymous said:Ooo girl I am FIRED UP. You write so well that I can always fell the emotions OC feels. I was sad and hurt, shocked, and really mad. JK is such an asshole for making OC feel like her feelings weren't valid. He really does need to grow up. Good on OC for realizing that. And I don't know why he's putting up such a front when he's been such a good person thus far but BITCH IT BEST BE A GOOD REASON. So I'm assuming yerin has got the bad ending? Bc she doesn't know about yoongi being gay n shes hurt?

Anonymous said:(1/3🧟‍♂️) New Rules is probably my favorite non-published work that I’ve ever read and I really just want to thank you for being willing to share your writing with us! So, I feel like a lot went down in this chapter. I saw another anon say they thought Jk’s issues stemmed from a previous relationship. The girl probably made him feel like relationships in general are toxic, and as a result he’s completely unwilling to put himself in that kind of vulnerable position again? (1/3)

Anonymous said:(2/3🧟‍♂️) Similar to how the oc is feeling about being rejected, like she was stupid to let herself feel something for him, that’s why I think her barging in and calling him out in front of his friends got to him. (2/3)

Anonymous said:(3/3🧟‍♂️) All in all though, this chapter was really well written (like they all are lol) and I just wanted to take a moment to let you know how much I appreciate all the work you put into your writings bc they’ve really inspired me to educate myself on feminism and just a lot of things in general I’d never thought about before. Thanks again, Lu! I hope you have a wonderful week 💜💜 (3/3)

Anonymous said:wow lu, thank you for the newest nr update! my thoughts on my first reading: jungkook's reaction was shocking for the emotional side of me, not the logical side. I still feel for oc tho. yoongi being gay? didnt expect that & now I feel bad for assuming his sexuality, glad he talked to OC abt it bc it must have been hard to hold that secret. oc calling out jungkook? shes much braver than me, & I agree, jk's actions seem off. will reread & send reactions after, again thank you for writing/sharing!

There is literally nothing i love more than reading your thoughts and reactions!!! i have no idea how my writing will affect others, so to hear this is the most rewarding thing ever. thank you so much my lovely, passionate readers. You mean the world to me!!!

[red-wardens]

Late to the party but for the mistletoe kiss... I'd wanna kiss them all. Some platonically (Ronan, Cassian, Blue), some others less so. I'd ask for permission, though. I'd stay away from Kieran, since I am, after all, a human female... XD Das would smooch them all mercilessly (*especially* Kieran). Except for Blue. He'd be very gentle with Blue. Because she may be the most badass warden of the squad, but as far as *he* is concerned, she's made of snowflakes, rose petals and glass.

[And I’m late to the party for answering, it might as well be a New Year’s kiss now xD Jk, thanks for the ask my friend! Here we go. Cassian Cousland is so enthusiastic about platonic affection he’d be absolutely delighted. Blue Surana and Ronan Aeducan would be fine with it and they greatly appreciate being asked first. Good call on Kieran Tabris though. Now for Das… I can’t not write something for this so MERRY BELATED CHRISTMAS]

Mistletoe Kiss ft. Das Davarris + Warden Squad

Words: 1792 (holy moly i got carried away)

The liveliness of the party was felt all throughout Vigil’s Keep, the Satinalia celebration in full swing, unperturbed by midnight’s passing. All the Ferelden Grey Wardens and their friends and family, including the friends and family of the newer recruits, were present and festive. Even a majority of Soldier’s Peak Wardens was there, leaving only a skeleton crew at their castle interchanged by shifts. Warden Davarris, as he often was in any room he entered, was the life of the party.

“Chug another one, Davarris!” “Quit flapping around like a dandy and get yer ass over here!” “It’s your turn for the Satinalia mistletoe game!” came the friendly jeers and shouts that pulled him from his enthusiastic if not eclectic dancing. Not one to turn down a challenge, he marched jauntily over and took up the bottle from one of the new recruits.

“A mistletoe kiss, eh? Maker’s tits you buggers still play this game?” he laughed but twirled the bottle in his hand readily enough. “Alright I’ll have a go at it, Maker knows you blighters need to be shown how to pucker properly. Like you, Mason. Last time you got yer cheeks smooched was probably yer mum, wasn’t it?”

“Up yours, Davarris!” the new recruit answered back, but raised his glass to show it was all in good fun. He took another chug of his ale before shooting back. “Besides, with yer mug this might be the only way you’s getting a kiss.”

“Just spin it already!” called an impatient voice before Das could joke back. A snicker responded to it along with the jibe, “Are you that eager to kiss him, Tabris? Haven’t you two already gone at each other enough?”

“What can I say Nora, maybe I want an audience.”

Grinning, flattered and more than a little buzzed, Das made a show of dramatically placing the bottle in the center of the table and with the hilt of one of his blades, gave it a good spin. The small crowd that had abandoned dancing and drinking and socializing to watch, pressed in curiously. Drawing suspense, the bottle came to a slow stop, pointing not at one person, but at the painting on the nearest wall depicting the Heroes of Ferelden.

There was a brief uproar of laughter and arguing about how the results were to be played out before it was unanimously decided that all the Wardens of the Hero Squad present must be kissed. After making sure none of them were against the idea, Das picked up the sprig of mistletoe on the table. “To work!” he announced, imitating the Commander of the Inquisition’s armies.

Leaping to one side of the crowd, he bent forward to throw an arm around each of his favorite dwarves. Raising the mistletoe between him and Ronan Aeducan, he promptly gave the man a long smooch on the cheek. The warrior made a huff of amusement before running a hand over the side of his slightly ruffled beard. “Too much to drink, Davarris?” he joked.

But Das had already tossed the mistletoe to his other hand and held it up over Nora Brosca. The short woman was already grinning and poking her own cheek expectantly. “Plant ‘er there, Das!” And he did, with enough enthusiasm to send the woman into a fit of laughter before she gave him a surprisingly strong shove toward the tall human gentleman.

“Good evening, Das.” Warden Cousland greeted, ever friendly. The former-inquisitor laughed at his nonchalance before replying “It sure is, Cassian.” and reaching up to take the lanky man’s stubbly face in his hands, still holding the mistletoe in one. To his surprise, Cassian was the one to close the distance. Not one to ever put a damper on party games, he gave Das a short but surprisingly passionate kiss on the lips. Cheers and hollers surrounded them, and one friendly “boooo!” from their favorite elven reaver.

“Maker’s holy balls!” Das cried out, placing a dramatic hand on his chest at the end of the encounter. “You kiss like an Antivan!” he told his friend who laughed, looked both flattered and proud, and assured Das that so did he. They were then interrupted by an indignant yelp as Kieran Tabris picked up the petite woman beside him and carried her over.

“Oi, Davarris! Kiss Mell first, you and I are gonna be a while.” the dark-haired elf suggested, grinning and presenting his mage friend who looked thoroughly embarrassed. He set her down before Das who took her hand and kissed it gently. Alyss Amell’s face was already turning pink but she met Das’ pale eyes and smiled demurely. Her shyness was clearly due to having the eyes of a crowd on her and not their proximity. Das was good at drawing her focus from all of them though, and it was warmly appreciated.

“May I, Princess Amell?” he inquired of her and she suppressed a little laugh before granting him permission. He smiled back brightly, raised the mistletoe and gave her a soft peck on the lips before drawing back to return her personal space. Alyss had turned red- and there were more cheers- but before Das could perceive any of this, a hand had grabbed his and raised it over his head along with the mistletoe. Das couldn’t even laugh at his enthusiasm before Kieran’s mouth was on his, the other gripping the upper part of his arm as he walked him backwards into a pillar.

As his back hit the stone, Das returned the kiss in earnest, free hand traveling up into the other man’s long hair. The whole room was in an uproar now with their hollers and even some applause. Snickering, and not being able to help himself, he tugged at the thin leather cord holding up Kieran’s bun and the cascade of raven-colored hair poured down Kieran’s back nearly to his thighs. Warden Tabris made a grunt of protest but would not break the fierce kiss- until a hand reached out and yanked him back by his robes.

“Quit hogging him, Tabris. It’s my turn.” the beautiful and intimidating Arlessa ordered sharply. With a friendly ‘You bitch, Mahri.’ at her and a wink at Das, Kieran yielded. Das looked surprised but intrigued- Isseya Mahariel hadn’t been in the room when he’d first spun the bottle so he hadn’t imagined she’d be on the proverbial menu.

“My Lady!” he exclaimed. He bowed to her nobly, and was delighted at the brief but clearly amused tug in the corners of her lips. She walked up to him purposefully, in her tall heels she was slightly taller than him and it was oddly thrilling, but paused an inch from his face. The crowd had quieted down slightly but looked more excited than ever. Isseya raised her large goblet of wine by one side of their faces and took his hand to hold the mistletoe up next to the other side. Their lips hidden from prying eyes, she leaned in and pressed her mouth to the corner of his, not truly kissing him, not intending to.

“Guess who returned early from her visit to Orlais?” she whispered, lips brushing against his skin. “She’s in the rookery. Hurry.” She pulled back and raised her goblet, smirking and announcing loudly, “Not bad, Davarris!” to a host of wild cheers. But Das could hardly hear them anymore; the breath had left his lungs and a lost look wavered over his mask of a party-face. She was here?

Excusing himself hastily and ignoring the protests, he escaped the party and made his way up the castle. By the time he’d ascended the final staircase he was terribly out of breath, but threw the door open anyways. A few of the ravens squawked, startled, but the woman sitting on the windowsill only looked up and smiled. Das fidgeted.

“You’re home!” he cheered, smiling then cursing at himself because yes that was very obvious but his damned bloody mouth operated faster than his bloody thoughts. But Warden Commander Blue Surana nodded once, rose to her feet and approached him. She looked into his eyes, the small smile still on her lips, and brushed her gloved hand against one of his. .

“I’m home.” she agreed, staring at him to convey that the idea had little to do with location. Das felt his chest tighten. Maker how did she always do this to him? Before he could muster up another not-well-thought-out reply, she tugged curiously at the plant still in his hand.

“Mistletoe?” she inquired. Das chuckled, the heat rising in his face a bit before he raised up the sprig and carefully explained what had gone on downstairs. She was going to hear it from someone eventually so he figured it might as well be him. She nodded, face unreadable but eyes clearly enjoying the story.

“I see. Did you come up here to kiss me too?” she asked, mildly, as if inquiring about the weather. Das nearly choked on his heart as it sprung up to his mouth. Well, not really, but it bloody well felt like it. He opened his mouth to respond when she continued with. “You may, if you like.”

A few moments of silence, then she shifted slightly and added, “Unless you’d rather not.”

Rather not? Great burning Andraste, of course he wanted... He regained himself, forcing himself to smile despite the nerves. She was looking doubtful now and there was no way he was allowing that. He assured her in enthusiastic and somewhat colorful language that he abso-fucking-lutely did. He raised up the mistletoe one last time, cursing the sudden shakiness of that hand. He’d kissed hundreds of people- maybe, he didn’t really count- but seldom did doing so make him this nervous. Das tried to remind himself she was not in fact made of roses and snowflakes and glass, but when he finally raised his other hand to cup her cheek he certainly held her like she was. He leaned in-

“Should I close my eyes to kiss?” she asked tentatively. He froze, blinked in surprise.

“You can if you like.” he replied chuckling. “Do you not usually?”

There was a long pause before she averted her eyes. Das paled.

“You’ve never..?”

“Nora kissed me once.” Blue answered, meeting his eyes again. “She was drunk and I don’t think she remembers. And Cassian and Kieran… sometimes kiss my cheek when they greet me.”

Das squatted on the floor with his head between his legs and hands on top of said head. Sheer panic washed over him. He was going to be her first real kiss? He didn’t deserve this honor- holy fucking shit he-

“Did you change your mind?” she asked, sounding a bit disappointed.

“Just give me a minute,” he requested hoarsely.