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silver-hwaberry · 2 years

Text

TEN: missing you

Warnings: Handjob, oral (m receiving), suggestive language, swearing, very very mild hair pulling

Word count: 7.1K

Taglist: @kiwibaekie @fudgeflyssworld @kodzukein @elk-1998 @khjcoo

The guys were a week into their promotions. I had barely seen them, as their days started very early and ended late at night. They were doing music shows every day, offline fansigns and online fancalls, interviews. There were a couple of days I went with them to the music shows and got to be there when they got some wins, too. I felt so proud of them watching their names being called out. On the days they had online fancalls I was working to help with any translations, but overall each of them did well speaking to their English-speaking fans.

When they would come home, it was dinner, then bed for them. Yunho was stealing kisses when we had little moments alone, which I was not objecting to. Wooyoung had no issues with PDA in front of the others and I was getting used to it as well. It no longer felt alien to kiss Wooyoung in the kitchen, be taken into the hall by Yunho for a cheeky kiss away from the others and then to have Seonghwa kiss me minutes later. Yeosang was slowly becoming less shy with me as well, and one morning he initiated a back hug as I was waiting for the kettle to boil. Seonghwa had spent a night in my room after he fell asleep on my bed while we were talking. I didn’t have the heart to wake him up, as I could see how exhausted he was.

I hadn’t got to spend any time with the others though because of the heavy schedules. I knew that once promotions were over, I would get to see them more. Maybe it was selfish of me but I was missing them.

The days that I wasn’t with them, I was working on my bedroom and settling into the apartment. Some furniture for my room was delivered and despite the guys telling me they would build them for me, I got stuck in and did them myself. I may not be DIY savvy, but my dad taught me how to build at least a flat pack! ‘No daughter of mine will be unable to build a bookcase with step-by-step instructions!’ he said the day he taught me. It was a fun day though, and I was glad he showed me as I could now easily assemble my furniture and those of my friends for years now.

My bedroom was slowly coming together, and it was feeling like home. Today my new bed had arrived and the guys who delivered it took away the old bed. So I had spent most of the day building it. As I lay out the fresh bedding on top of it, I feel happy. I take a step back to look at it and smile. I slowly turn around to look at the room. Fairy lights hanging from the walls, photos of my family and my friends dotted around the room, my style showing in it.

I go into the laundry room to check the time left on the washing machine. It is nearly finished so I pull out the clothes airers and set them up in the back part of the lounge so they were out of the way. I hang up the damp clothes when the machine finishes, then flop onto the sofa.

I take a deep breath and look around the lounge. I have done my room, cleaned the apartment which to be honest wasn’t even untidy or dirty to begin with because of Seonghwas daily cleaning routine, and washed the guy’s clothes that were in their wash baskets. Admittedly, I had to video call my mom to ask her how to work the washing machine as it was very modern and I was used to the basic ‘put your clothes in, laundry powder, fabric conditioner, close door and press on button’ machines.

I switch on the TV and log into my Netflix profile San had created for me. I spend the rest of the day lying on the sofa watching tv until I hear the door lock chime and the guys coming in. Hongjoong had texted me earlier to say they were bringing home pizzas for dinner so not to cook anything.

“Hey Luna!” San says as he comes into the lounge

“Sannie!!” I smile, jumping off the couch to hug him

“Oh, someone’s in a good mood!” He chuckles, his arms hold on to me tightly

“Hey! I am always in a good mood!” I pout playfully.

“I cannot deny that, my little sunshine.” He replies.

“Are you free tonight?” I ask, looking up at him.

“If it isn’t a schedule, then I am always free!” he grins back at me

“Well, you are usually playing games with the others on your nights off.” I say.

“Is someone jealous?” He teases, leaning down to look at me in the eyes. “Would someone rather I play with them instead?” a lopsided grin appears on his face

“Depends on what you would want to play.” I counter determined to not let his flirting cause me to blush

“With you and only you.” He says as his hands move down to my hips, pulling them subtly into his and my tummy flips.

I know I am fighting a losing battle with him now, especially with that smirk of his and he now knows it too, as I feel heat spread across my cheeks. I cannot out flirt him.

“You are so cute when you get flustered.” He chuckles lightly, his hand touching my warm cheek. “Would you like to spend time together tonight?” his voice is softer and no longer teasing

“Only if you want to. It is cool if you don’t.” I say.

I hate the fact I am sounding and feeling like a little schoolgirl talking to her crush. I am not normally this shy or unsure of things. I already know they like me. They wouldn’t have asked me to move in or be with them if they didn’t. Plus they keep telling me too. However, with certain members, I feel somewhat uncertain about myself. I am incredibly aware that each of them is different and feels comfortable at a different pace. I find I am second guessing myself more than I usually do, as I am trying very hard not to rush any of them or have them feel like I am favouring other members or ignoring them.

“Of course I do Luna.” his hand on my cheek gently tilts my head upwards so I look up at him. “What would you like to do?”

“Well, I was thinking maybe we could watch the 2nd episode of The Sound of Magic?” I say.

“Absolutely! We will do that.” He smiles at me before pulling me back into his body again.

“We could watch it in my room? I have my new TV set up and it will be quieter in there, too.” I say nervously.

Although we had a few cuddle sessions here and there, I wasn’t sure if we were at the cuddling in a bedroom stage yet.

“Sounds good to me, sunshine.” He replies, “Hungry?”

“Yeah! I could eat an entire pizza.” I say as I detach myself from him

“Then an entire pizza you shall have.” He laughs as he takes my hand into his, his thumb affectionately rubs my skin.

He leads me into the kitchen. The guys were already sorting out the pizza boxes on the island counter. It feels comforting having them back home, knowing they were in an environment they could fully relax in. A place with no cameras watching their every move, staff telling them where they need to be, what to do or even what to say. Moreso, a place they are not working. As soon as Wooyoung sees me he drops what he was doing and rushes over to kiss me, pushing past Hongjoong to get to me.

“Rude!” Hongjoong mumbles as Jongho chuckles

“Missed you.” Wooyoung whispers as our lips part

“Missed you too.” I respond with a quick peek at his lips before San pulls me to a seat at the kitchen island

“How was your day Luna?” Seonghwa asks me before kissing my cheek

“Good! I finally got my room all sorted out.” I answer.

“Is there anything left that you need for your bedroom?” Yunho asks

“Just a chair for my desk. I know the type and style I want, but I can’t find one I like.” I reply as Wooyoung sits beside me. I feel his hand squeeze my thigh and smile at me. I smile back and lean over to give him another peck on his pouty lips. I knew he wanted more, but I like to tease him, the same way he teases me.

“Let me know what you want, style, colours, any photos and I will see what I can do.” Hongjoong says.

“That would be great, thank you.” I smile at him as he nods in reply.

“Did you wash clothes?” Yeosang asks. “It smells like laundry day in here.”

“Yeah, I hope you dont mind that I washed some of your clothes. I noticed the washing baskets in the halls were getting full.” I reply. “I will do more tomorrow.”

“You don’t need to wash our clothes. We don’t expect you to do these things, you know.” Seonghwa says.

“I know, but I had an entire day free while you guys have been working all day and night this past week. I already told you I will help around the house.” I say as everyone sits down around the island counter to eat. “I honestly dont mind. It is actually nice having a washing machine at home too and not have to drag a giant bag down to the launderette. Plus, it means you guys can fully relax tomorrow on your day off.”

“Well, thank you for doing the laundry for us. We all appreciate it.” Mingi says from beside me.

“Speaking of tomorrow’s day off, what are your plans for it?” I ask, sliding a slice of cheese pizza onto my plate.

“Sleep!” Wooyoung says instantly

“Play games.” San and Yunho say at the same time.

“I am going to meet up with Maddox in the studio tomorrow.” Hongjoong says.

“I was thinking of going to my studio in the morning.” Mingi hums.

“Gym.” Yeosang simply says

“Do you have any plans?” Seonghwa asks, his hand on my lower back.

“I am meeting up with my Uncle Jihoon in the morning. We are going to walk up to Namsan Tower.” I reply.

“That sounds good. Do you do that often?” Jongho asks.

“We try to. I got little time off in my old job, so it wasn’t a regular thing, but we go to walking trails whenever we can.” I reply. “It is our uncle and niece time.”

I notice Hongjoongs eyes linger on me and he smiles softly before continuing to eat. He knows my uncle helped me during a rough period and got me into exercising. The walking trails were something we did together, just the two of us. It gives us the opportunity to catch up with one another and talk. It is something I enjoy doing with him.

When we are finished eating, we all tidy up. I ignore the pleas for me to go relax and help to clean up. There weren’t many dishes to be done, so it didn’t take long, especially with 9 people. Most of the guys go up to their rooms to get changed and do their own thing for the rest of the night.

“I am going to have a quick shower. I won’t be long.” San says to me

“Take your time. I will be in my room, so just come in when you are ready.” I reply.

“I am looking forward to having you all to myself tonight.” He whispers before he kisses my forehead and leaves as I watch him go out of sight

So am I. I have been wanting to spend time alone with him for a while now. His forehead kisses were sweet, but I wanted proper kisses now.

“So cute!” I hear Seonghwa comment from behind me.

“What is?” I ask, turning around to look at him.

“That look you gave San as he left.” He smirks. “Little stars in your eyes.”

“Shut up! I did not have little stars in my eyes!” I reply, hitting his arm playfully.

“You so did.” He chuckles. “It is cute, though. The way you two are with one another is sweet.” the teasing in his voice is gone. “It is like watching young love bloom in slow motion.”

“Are you still OK with all this?” I ask, mainly to check in with how he is.

“Of course I am, darling. I enjoy seeing you happy, but I also really like seeing the other members be happy with you. Are you still doing ok?” He asks

“I am. I am still getting used to everyone’s different levels of affection and their levels of comfort with me, too. As you know, I am a very cuddly person. I would cuddle 24/7 if I could. I am trying to find a balance of not forcing myself onto someone who isn’t ready, but also making sure no one feels ignored or left out.” I reply.

“None of us feel that way. So don’t worry.” he says.

“Oh, I have been meaning to tell you that my mom told my dad about us. I meant to tell you after our date, but we were rather preoccupied.” A small laugh escapes me as I remember that night.

“Understandable that you forgot, given what we were doing to one another afterwards.” He smirks as his hands grab my hips and pull me into him. “So what did your dad say about me?” his voice falters ever so slightly, his dialect showing a little and I can tell he is nervous

“Just that he wants to meet you next month when they visit, but basically he approves.” I reply, my hands drifting up to his shoulders. “He wants to give you the ‘dad talk’ though.”

“Oh god.” Seonghwa groans

“Don’t worry. He will put on his army face. He will look scary, but trust me when I say that he is not scary. Not one bit. He has never approved of any boyfriend in the past, so you have major plus points already.” I smile, one of my hands cupping his cheek as I go up on my tiptoes to kiss his lips.

“Army face sounds very scary, though.” He replies.

“I won’t lie. It is fucking terrifying when he puts it on.” I laugh lightly. “But that face does not last for long. He is a kind and gentle man. He is just protective of his family. Once he meets you, he will see that you are amazing, sweet, funny, kind and a gentleman, that you take care of me and he will like you. Trust me, Hwa.”

Seonghwa smiles down at me before scooping me into his arms, my legs wrapping around his waist as he places a series of kisses on my face, as I can only laugh.

“I trust you darling.” he says. “Now go get ready to watch your show with San.”

He places me back on the ground, but I keep a hold of him in my arms, resting the side of my head in the crook of his neck. It has been a while since we were this close to one another and I have missed him. I have missed all of them. More than I realised.

Seonghwa smiles down at me before kissing me tenderly and I feel his hands caress my neck. I have missed this closeness with him.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” He whispers

“See you tomorrow.” I reply.

He leaves to go get changed and I am alone in the kitchen now. I get some snacks I had bought earlier hoping San would be up for watching tv with me, including some mint choc chip ice cream that I knew he liked too.

“Oh Mingi, I need to ask you a question!” I say as I see him walk past the kitchen.

“What is it princess?” he smiles

“What do you want for your birthday?” I ask.

“I don’t need anything from you.” He replies.

“If you think I am not buying you a present, then you are very mistaken!” I laugh.

“Well, there is something I would like.” He says.

“Oh, tell me!” I smile at him.

“I would like it if you were to come to The Show.” he says. “Unless you already have plans.” He adds quickly

“I have plans.” I say.

“That is alright.” he smiles but I see it is slightly forced.

“Sorry Mingi.” I say, reaching up to stroke his face.

“Honesty Luna, don’t apologise. It was too short a notice for you, anyway.” He says, placing his hand over mine.

“It is just it’s my boyfriend’s birthday and I plan to spend as much of the day with him as I can. Completely spoiling him.” I smile at him.

“It is ok, you dont need to expl…. huh?” He looks confused before his eyes pop open widely as he realises what I said. “Luna!!” He laughs as I go onto my tiptoes to hug him properly. “You had me for a second.”

“It is my first time getting to celebrate your birthday, so of course I want to spend time with you. I know you will be busy with work, so I won’t bother you too much.” I say as he wraps his arms around my waist.

“You could never bother me. Any time I get to spend in your presence makes me happy, even if you are with the others. I like just being in the same space as you.” He says

“Oh Mingi.” My voice is soft, and I can feel a small lump in my throat at his words. “You don’t feel like I ignore you, do you?”

“What? Of course not. There are so many of us and only one of you. I understand you want to spend time with the other guys.” He says, looking down at me.

“I want to spend time with you too, though.” I hold him tightly.

“I know you do, and we will.” His voice is low and comforting. “When the time is right.”

“I am sorry. I will make more of an effort.” I say.

“Hey, look at me.” He whispers tilting my head up. “Just keep being yourself with us. No apologies and no effort required. Ok?!”

“Ok.” I nod, laughing lightly as he bends his knees so his face is level with my own. “How about dinner tomorrow night? You and I, my treat!”

“You don’t have to...” He begins

“I WANT to, for your birthday.” I say, my hands reaching out to touch his face since it was actually within reaching distance for a change.

“OK. I would love to have dinner with you.” He smiles. “Now give me another hug before I go to the gym. I need some of your Luna energy.” His arms tightly wrapping around my waist.

“Luna energy?” I ask as a loud laugh escapes me, and my arms automatically go around his neck.

“Luna energy!” he laughs too, lifting me off the ground as he straightens up. “You always seem to have a never ending supply of energy, always on the go and moving around. I need to steal some of it tonight to get me through this gym session I have been putting off all week.”

This is the closest we’ve been physically and our first proper hug. We have had no time together since that day in his studio where we held hands and nothing else has progressed since then either. So it feels nice to be hugging him so closely. I am unsure what to do with my legs. Should I hook them around his waist or keep them dangling? As if he reads my mind, I feel his hands move to my thighs, pulling them up and around him.

“It is bad if I think you don’t need the gym?” I say. “You are already pure muscle.”

“How do you think I got this way?” he laughs

“True.” I giggle. “Well, anytime you need any energy, I am here. Luna hugs available 24/7.”

“You may regret saying that.” he says

“Never!” I reply, smiling at him before resting my head on his neck. “I missed you today.” I find myself saying quietly

“I missed you too.” His voice is soft with arms securely around me, making me feel safe in his arms and I can’t help but smile to hear him say he has missed me too.

We stay like this for a few more minutes before mumbling he needs to go to the gym before his motivation disappears. Once I am safely back on the ground, Mingi bids me a good night and leaves the apartment. I go back into the kitchen to get the snacks and head to my bedroom. I give the room a quick spruce up, switch on the fairy lights, put on a wax melt and set up the snacks and drinks on my bed.

“Your room is amazing!” San says as he comes in. “It looks so different from how it did before!”

“What did it look like when Hongjoong was in it?” I ask, curiosity getting the better of me.

“It had these really awful green walls. Like vomit green.” He says with a disgusted face as I laugh.

“I feel bad Hongjoong gave up his bedroom for me.”

“Don’t. He barely even slept in it. He was always either at the studio or he would fall asleep on the sofa if he came home. So it is nice to see someone actually using this room.” He replies. “Is this your sisters?” He picks up a photo frame from my desk and looks at it.

“Yeah. That is Soojin and Hyejin.” I answer, pointing at them

“They are so cute!!” He smiles

“They really are. Very cute, but very cheeky, though.” I reply.

“So basically like Wooyoung then?” he laughs

“Pretty much.” I giggle. “They get away with it too. Like Wooyoung!”

“Who is this little one?” He asks, pointing at another photo.

“Yours truly!” I say, putting my hands up to frame my face and put on my best aegyo face.

“No way!! I thought that was one of your sisters!” He gasps. “It’s like triplets!” he holds both photo frames together to compare

“My mom always says that.” I reply.

“I see your strawberry addiction started from a young age!”

“Ah yes!” I laugh. “There was a point I ate strawberries with every meal and would cry if I couldn’t.”

“And you finally grew out of that stage just last week!” he teases

“Hey!! That is mean!” I pout, pretending to be upset as he laughs, pulling me in for a hug.

“I am sorry, sunshine! You love your strawberries, though, and it is adorable!” His hands moving to my lower back.

“Soojin is obsessed with strawberries, too. My dad said she is a mini-me.” I say.

“You must miss your family.” His voice is soft.

“I do, but we message each other every day, talk as much as we can, and they visit a lot, too. During covid I didn’t see them for 2 years, that was difficult but I was thankful for video calls.” I say.

“My family is only an hour’s flight away, but I miss them like crazy most days.” He says. “You were really young when you moved here as well.”

“Moving is second nature to me. I did struggle at first, being apart from my mom, and the twins weren’t even 2 years old when I moved too. So I missed a lot of their younger years.”

“It seems like you have a good bond, though. I heard you on the phone with them last night.” I must look weird at him as he quickly adds, “Oh, I wasn’t eavesdropping. I was in the lounge and your bedroom door was open. I could hear you all laughing.” His face is flushing slightly.

“It is ok.” I smile gently at him to let him know I am not annoyed. “I think for living thousands of miles apart, we are close. We just talk often and as many video calls as we can, too. They send me messages on their iPads every day. It is nice. I love when I get them.” I say as he replaces the frames where they were.

“It is good you are so close.” he smiles. “Plus, their British accents are so cute!”

“Just wait until you meet them! They are even cuter!” I giggle.

“You would want me to meet them?” He sounds surprised.

“I mean, only if you wanted to. Obviously, you aren’t obligated to meet anyone from my family.” It comes out in a jumble of words, but it doesn’t seem to faze him as he continues to smile at me.

“I would love to meet your family.” He says. My eyes widen a little as this and I can only stare at him. “I know your parents think Seonghwa is your boyfriend so obviously if I were to meet them it wouldn’t be in that capacity and I am ok with that.”

“Would you like to meet them in a boyfriend capacity?” I hear myself ask him. It wasn’t a question that was on my mind before, so it just pops out.

“I mean...” His hand scratches the back of his head as his eyes dart around the room. “I am ok with just being a friend.”

He leans forwards and just as he is about to kiss me, he quickly diverts his lips to my forehead. His words ‘just being a friend’ echo in my head and it makes me suddenly second guess my relationship with him.

“Lets watch the show. I don’t want the ice cream to melt.” I say, trying to change the conversation and get those words out of my head before I start to overthink and doubt myself even more.

“Then we will start with the ice cream.” he says as we sit on my bed

I set up the show as he opens the tub of ice cream and we settled into the pillows behind us that were resting on the headboard. There is a clear gap between us, because I am unsure now. San digs his spoon into the ice cream before putting it to my mouth.

“The cutest person in the room gets the first taste.” He smiles as I swallow it.

“Then shouldn’t you be feeding it to yourself?” I say as he moves closer to me.

“No one is as cute as you.” he replies, his finger taps the tip of my nose

I feel a small flutter inside my stomach at the way he is looking at me right now. How the fairy lights behind us are making his brown eyes sparkle. I force myself to look away and back at the tv as the opening song begins.

“I want to go to that amusement park! It looks amazing all lit up like that!” I say.

“I will take you somewhere like that one day.” San says, feeding me more ice cream.

We continue to watch as we eat the ice cream and all the snacks and by the time the episode has finished, so has all the food and we are sitting even closer to one another. During the episode, I felt his hands move my legs on top of his. His hands hold on to them, delicately moving his hands up and down every so often.

“That was a great episode.” San says, “Do you believe in magic?” he imitates the magician

“Annara sumanara!” I reply as we both laugh.

His hand moves higher up my leg as we look at one another. There is a bit of a silence between us as we smile at one another.

“Well... it is getting late.” he says, looking into my eyes. “I should let you get to sleep. You need a full rest for your walk tomorrow morning.”

“You can stay here tonight. If… if you want to.” I say nervously

I really don’t want our time together to end and I feel 100% comfortable with him being here with me. However, I don’t want to rush him.

“I do.” he replies quickly. “I just need to go brush my teeth.”

“Cool.” I smile, relief flooding me

“I’ll be quick, I promise.” He smiles back at me.

As San leaves my room, I clear off the bed, brush my teeth, switch off most of the fairy lights, only leaving the ones behind my bed as I like to sleep with them on. I pull back the covers and get into bed just as I hear a knock at the door as San slowly comes in. I can feel a small bubble of nerves inside me as he gets into my bed. San pulls the covers over us as we lay side by side, facing one another.

“Your bed is so comfortable.” He chuckles, burrowing down into it.

“It is!” I reply as he pulls me into his arms.

“Is this ok?” he asks

“More than ok.” I smile. “You are very cuddly.”

“So are you, sunshine.” He says as I feel his hands press against my back.

“I like when you call me that.” I sigh happily, nuzzling into his neck. “Why ‘sunshine’ though?”

“Because you are like a ray of sunshine to me. It is cheesy, I know, and I never meant for it to be a nickname for you. The first time it just slipped out and when you didn’t seem weirded out by it the second time I said it, it just became natural to say it to you.” he replies.

“It isn’t cheesy at all. I really like it.” I say. “This is nice.” I add, moving my leg to rest on top of his.

“It is.” he replies, kissing my forehead

“I can switch off the fairy lights if they are bothering you.”

“Don’t. They are nice.” He replies. “It makes you look even more beautiful than you already are.”

“San…” I sigh softly

“I know, I know you don’t like compliments, but I cannot not say what I am thinking. Especially for you.” He replies, his hand stroking my face.

We look at one another for a few moments as his hand moves to my neck. My eyes fall to his lips briefly and back to his eyes. The soft glow of the lights above our heads highlighting his stunning features and his brown eyes.

I gasp lightly as his head moves, his lips pressing against mine for a few seconds. He pulls back to look at me, his eyes searching mine. As if he is looking for any signs of hesitation or rejection from me.

“Was that ok?” He asks softly

“Yes.” I nod and move forward to kiss him again.

The kiss slowly grows into something more. His earlier words disappearing with every movement of his lips against mine. A heat rising between us, I throw caution to the wind and move my hand down his body to his lower stomach. I hesitate for a second until I feel his hips roll and I slip my hand underneath the material of his pyjama bottoms. Unintentionally, it also goes under his boxer shorts too, but I go with it.

I want to gauge his reaction before I touch him, so I move my hand to his hip and squeeze it. His kisses become more needy at this action. His hands grip onto my waist harder, causing my hand to move further down. My fingers brush along the base of his cock, his hips roll against me again.

“You are such a tease.” He moans

“Sorry, I am not trying to be.” I say as he kisses down my jaw.

“We can slow down if you feel we are going too fast.” he says, pulling his lips away from my skin

“I don’t want to slow down San.” I reply, taking my hand out his boxers but keeping it on his waistline so there is still a physical connection between us. “You’ve worked so hard this past week and I’ve seen how exhausted you have been every night. How far you have pushed yourself physically with each performance. I have watched your fancams, and you looked like you were going to pass out at one point. I was so scared watching it.”

“I was fine, don’t worry!” He smiles at me

“I worry about all of you, but especially seeing how you have pushed yourself.” I place a kiss on his lips, resting my forehead against his. “I just want to make you feel good tonight, though. I also don’t want to rush you either, if you aren’t ready for this part.”

“Luna, look at how fucking hard I am. I am more than ready, but only if you are as well.” He says.

I don’t need to look to know, as I can feel it pressed against my thigh. I decide to be honest with him about what I want tonight. “I want it to be about only you tonight, not me.” I slide my hand back into his boxer shorts

“You don’t want me to… touch you?” He asks, his head dropping back into the pillow as my fingers wrap around the base of his cock

“I do San. You have no idea how much I would love for you to touch me.” I giggle, kissing his exposed neck. “But another night, because tonight I want it to be all about you.”

“I’ve never had a woman say that to me before. It is usually the other way around. They want me to make them feel good. It is what I can do for them.” He replies and I can see even from the glow of the fairy lights he is blushing. “I don’t want you to think I am selfish in bed, though, because I am not.” I let my fingers grasp around him slightly firmer, causing his eyes to close and a small hiss to escape him. “Oh, fuck.” He gasps.

“I never would. It is me wanting to do this. Will you let me?” I kiss his neck again, my hand moving to the tip of his cock and rolling over the top. I can already feel some precum leaking, so I swipe my thumb over his head, causing a sharp intake a breath from San.

“I will not say no to that offer...” he grins before moaning once more at my hand movements “…but I also don’t think I will be able to keep my hands off you.”

“I won’t object if you want to feel me up.” I say, pushing him onto his back. “But tonight is about you.”

I position myself over him, my knees on either side of his thighs, as I lean down to kiss him. His hands immediately grab onto my ass. The kiss is heated from the start as his tongue enters my mouth. I take my hand out of his boxers and manoeuvre myself so I can pull at his pyjama bottoms and boxers. San lifts his hips and helps to fully remove them, sliding them down his legs using his feet as my hands pull off his t-shirt. I can’t help but place kisses over his chest as I stroke him, his body reacting instantly.

“That feel good?” I ask him sitting upright, resting on his thighs.

“Y-Yes.” San whines

I set a steady pace with my hand, pumping his cock as he lies underneath me, panting quietly, the odd curse falling from his lips. I focus my eyes on his face, watching every expression he is making as I try to learn what he likes and what he doesn’t. His hands that were gripping onto my thighs moving under my sleep shirt, making their way to my breasts.

I lean down once more, so my lips are ghosting his. He lifts his head to connect them, but I pull back just far enough so they are still close but not touching. His eyebrows furrow and he pouts at me at the lack of contact.

“S-sunshine…. please…” his little whines are beautiful to me

“What does my Sannie want?”

“K-kiss me.”

There is something about hearing him beg me that turns me on and gives me a boost of confidence, too. I have never been this assertive so quickly. I tilt my head to give San what he wants. His kisses are needy and addictive, too. I have to force myself to pull away from him and remind myself what I wanted. “Baby… can I use my mouth on you?”

This question causes his entire body to react, his finger tips dig into my thighs as he nods frantically. Without stopping my strokes, I move off him and settle down on the bed. My mouth is literally watering looking at his cock in my small hand. I collect some of the saliva, letting it drip out of my mouth and over his tip.

“So fucking hot!” San moans, his eyes fixated on me

I give him a wink and a smirk before I lick a strip from the underside of his cock until I am at the tip, putting it in my mouth.

“Oh shit… your mouth.. fuck..” he pants louder as my tongue swirls around his tip.

I already know I can’t take him fully in my mouth as it has been too long since I last did this but I am determined to make him feel good and have him come. What I can’t fit in my mouth, I stroke with my hand.

“Oh fuck.. not going to last long.” He pants as I continue to move my hand on him and suck on his tip. With my free hand I softly play with his balls and it is like flipping a switch.

“Luna, gonna come.”

I take my mouth off him. “Do you want to come in my mouth?”

“Can I?” He asks and I don’t answer. I can tell from his desperate eyes looking at me and whimpers that he does.

I continue my actions, hollowing my cheeks as much as I can, taking a bit more of him inside my mouth and his hand suddenly grasps onto my head, his fingers wrapping around my hair. He isn’t being rough, but it turns me on, especially when his hips thrust towards me. I begin to suck harder and within seconds his body twitches, deep groans coming from him and I feel the hot liquid shoot into my mouth. A little more powerful than I was expecting, causing me to gag slightly as I pull back from him, swallow quickly so I didn’t spit it out as I cough. More cum pours out of his slit, leaking down his cock. Without thinking, I lean down and clean it with my tongue. He tastes amazing.

“Holy shit… that was… fuck!” He lets out a breathy laugh. “Come here.” His hands reach for my face, pulling me up to kiss him. His tongue mixing with mine, his throat making beautiful little moans.

“Was that ok?” I ask. Now that it is over, I am suddenly feeling really self-conscious. Was I too much? Did I go too far? It usually takes a while to get that demanding in bed.

“That was the best head I’ve ever had.” He places little kisses on my lips.

“It wasn’t even a proper blowjob.” Surprised at his response, especially since I couldn’t take him fully into my mouth.

“Well, if that wasn’t a proper one, then you will need to give me a warning before you give a proper one, because that was so fucking hot. I have never come that hard… ever.” He smirks at me. “Were you ok though? You were coughing. I wasn’t too rough, was I?”

“No.” I smile at him. “You weren’t. I just was a little shocked. It went straight to the back of my throat and I gagged a little. More from surprise, though.” My hands stroke his sweaty hair. “It has been a while since I’ve done that with someone and I couldn’t really take you fully in.” I confess. “I will be able to soon, though.”

“You don’t need to force yourself to do something you aren’t ready for” The way he is looking at me right now is different. His eyes are filled with affection. “ You were amazing, honestly.”

“I’ll be back in a second. Stay here.” I kiss him before rolling out of bed and going into my bathroom.

As I wet a washcloth with warm water, I can still taste him on my lips. I’ve never tasted something so nice before. It was hard to describe how he tasted. All I knew was I liked it and that I would want more. I rinse out the excess water from the washcloth, grab a towel and go back into my bedroom to see San hasn’t moved. He is still sprawled on my bed, but his eyes are now heavy. Trying not to disturb him too much, I clean him up as he looks up at me.

“It should be me taking care of you.” His voice is low, I can hear how tired he is.

“Another night you can.” I smile down at him as I lift his discarded bottoms from the floor.

He takes them from my hand before I take things back to the bathroom, rinsing the washcloth and putting it in the laundry basket along with the towel. I rinse my mouth with some mouthwash before leaving the bathroom.

From the glow of the fairy lights, I can see San has put his boxers on, his eyes closed, and arm outstretched on my side of the bed as if he made room for me. I crawl into the space beside him to find he is asleep already. I kiss his cheek, whispering ‘good night’ even though I know he can’t hear me and cuddle into his bare chest. The warmth of his body and his steady breaths lull me into a sound sleep with only the sounds of muffled footsteps upstairs in the background.

#ateez #ateez smut #ateez fluff #ateez angst #ateez ot8 #ateez ot8 x fem!oc #kim hongjoong #park seonghwa #jeong yunho #kang yeosang #choi san #song mingi #jung wooyoung #choi jongho #ateez romance #polyamourous

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panicawa · 1 year

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ADHD+feedback=agony

This is going to be a long and possibly boring text post about art and posting art online, with some self-reflection on top. I don’t usually do these and it’s been ages since I’ve actually written any kind of a longer text, but I really need to put these thoughts onto imaginary digital paper. I’d appreciate if you read it through and if you could give me any form of feedback on this! Your own experiences and etc. I do art because it’s a part of my ADHD-ridden personality, this desire to create always buzzing inside, it’s neither and both work and hobby for me, something I love and hate the most in life, because it tortures me as much as it fills me with joy. So if you ask me ‘hey, what’s your purpose for drawing? What’s your goal, your endgame?’ the answer is really ‘there’s none, it’s more of a curse, it’s just something that makes me alive so I can’t help but continue, cause if I stop it feels like I’d vanish or lose myself completely’. I can’t say I’ve done all other forms of media to express myself, but I’ve tried a lot of things (poetry, photography, music, cosplay, crafting and so on and so forth) and nothing comes close to drawing. And I’m not even sure if ‘expressing myself’ is a right way to put it because it’s not that my art is any kind of deep and meaningful, I just illustrate plots and characters I find appealing in some way or another, for the most part. Now, I don’t consider myself to be a professional, but I also have 20+ years of experience at this point so I might as well be, depending on how you look at it. All self-beating aside, I like to think that my art is at somewhat plausible level at the moment? I am proud of how far I’ve come despite everything and I can still see a lot of progress happening, and god knows I work my ass off to continue improving. The main thing I want to address here is how erratic and incomprehensible my online feedback has been recently and how it makes my brain perform loops of dissociation. I wish I didn’t care for feedback at all, but sadly I do, it’s what gives me the most dopamine. I’ve recently discovered it’s yet-another ADHD thing. Nothing else in life makes me as fulfilled as seeing other people enjoy my pictures, it’s just pure joy without any downsides to it. It’s really not about financial gain from art or fame and popularity, but just creating something new and then seeing people have a positive emotional response to it is what lights up my life and helps to get through all the shit it throws at me. And considering that my family is mostly completely disinterested in what I create (which has been hurting me more than I can describe since I was a little baby), and my paranoia makes it hard to accept compliments from friends and partners, online feedback has been the best medicine for me. I used to tell myself one day I will get good enough to have some following that would be excited about my art and give me constant feedback in return, because that’s what I always saw happen to other artists. I never aimed to be the most popular or to achieve certain numbers of likes, just being ‘good, on average’ was the ideal for me as long as I’ve had a constant crowd behind. I thought, a lot of musicians of the past don’t really make any more new hit songs, but they still can gather a crowd of long-term fans at a concert, right? Once you make it to some level of popularity you never really go into a complete oblivion, as long as you’re still working your craft and putting it out there? And there have been times in my life where I thought that the moment has finally happened and was now my reality, that my art was finally well enough to climb into ‘popular post’ tiers, and that I have gathered enough audience to have a stable interest in my publications, but it never lasted too long. I understand how social media work, how people change hobbies and fandoms, and how the world around us changes altogether, but recently the ride has been too wild for me to comprehend. Although I have a significant number of followers on all my main social media (tumblr, twitter, IG) (and a lot of those followers are fresh newcomers too), the feedback has just been... all over the place. I understand that I’m dipping into different fandoms here and there (then again, the vast majority of them are extremely popular on their own, so you’d think that should help the situation too?) and I’m experimenting with my art styles, but no matter how hard I try there’s just no consistency. I post something that I’m sure will do well and it does. I post something I’m sure will do well again and it completely flops. I post some scribes for fun and it goes super high. I post another funny thing and there’s no response. One post gets 10k likes, the next one gets 30 likes. Then the next one gets 5k. Then 15. I feel like I have no control over it at all, no understanding. It feels like playing a roulette. Just up to chance every time. It’s the same on all social platforms so I don’t think I could attribute it to algorithms only. How can I ever try to invest time and energy into bigger projects if I can’t even estimate if it has a chance of being any sort of likeable? Is my art just extremely non-consistent on its own and I just don’t notice? What’s going on??? I’m entirely grateful for big numbers but I’d really rather have them spread through most things I post? Of course some publications are going to be more popular than others, it’s perfectly fine, but while 300 likes on some posts and 600 likes on other is understandable, the gaps between 10k+ and less-than-30 are just too extreme? Especially when they happen one after the other? I swear I never see this with other people and it just makes my brain intolerable. For all those of you who have reached the bottom of this rant, thank you! If you have any thoughts to share or similar experiences, please do let me know! My main concern here is how to battle this feeling of am-I-going-insane-or-what, and not the numbers of likes. Finding any way out of this would be good because it has really interfered with my art process lately and I hateeee it!

#big text post

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systemrestart · 9 months

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Remi's 2023 favorites!!

I used to do this on twitter but given what's happened to that site, I'm doing it over here this year! This was a brutal year for me MH wise, but at least I was introduced to some good stuff.

List under the cut

Starting off strong with my favorite thing of the whole year......

[FAVORITE VISUAL NOVEL]

Heaven Will Be Mine

Worst Girl Games has done it again. I am so glad I finally read this. Very few pieces of media have ever so perfectly captured what it means to feel 'inhuman', but still trapped by Earth's, humanity's, "gravity". The relationships between the 3 girls, and the circumstances that shaped them, put beautifully to the page feelings I know many other queer people share. There is nothing else like this out there.

[FAVORITE VIDEO GAME]

Mystia's Izakaya

Mystia's Izakaya is truly THE Touhou fangame to play. So many fun characters to get to know and serve food to, really great restaurant simulator with minor rhythm game elements, gorgeous pixel art in both character portraits and environment, so many challenges to try and outfits/music/items to unlock......!! And there's still more DLC coming out.

The love and effort put into this game is astonishing, and I am so glad I gave it a shot despite being nervous about restaurant sims. Highly recommend, even to non-Touhou fans!!!!

[FAVORITE SONG]

Psi

The lyrics seem to be a criticism of the extreme pace of 'content consumption' online nowadays, which I have mixed feelings on, but regardless, the song itself is absolutely killer. Particularly the verses. The effects with the TVs during the second verse are also great, capture the chaotic and mildly ominous energy of the song extremely well. This is definitely the song I listened to the most this year

[FAVORITE MOVIE]

Glass Onion

Watched this at the very beginning of the year. One of the best live-action movies I've seen in a long time, genuinely brilliant. Really hoping for more Knives Out films, they've knocked it out of the park so far. I also think this one and the first Knives Out will be very rewarding to revisit

[FAVORITE ANIME/SHOW]

I didn't watch anything this year. whoops

[FAVORITE MANGA]

Until I Love Myself

Most of the books and manga I read this year were autobiographical/semi-autobiographical, and this was one of my favorites. This is about a nonbinary mangaka dealing with sexual harassment as a editing job, and the subsequent struggles they have with PTSD, navigating life in the wake of the #MeToo Movement, and their difficult feelings on their gender and body, and how those things affect how others treat/see them. Reflected a lot of my own feelings and thoughts on these things, and very insightful. Can be a rough read at time, but I highly, highly recommend it.

[FAVORITE BOOK]

Stone Butch Blues

Absolutely life-changing read. It is extreme heavy, deals in police violence (including sexual violence inflicted upon LGBT people), labour rights and protests, severe discrimination based on gender and presentation, extreme poverty in part due to said discrimination, difficult and multifaceted relationships between queer women and lesbians......... there is a lot here. It is raw, and real, and while there is agonizing hardship here, there is also incredible, deep love, for the community that keeps up afloat, keeps us going. Please, if you can stomach the content, I beg of you all to read Stone Butch Blues if you haven't.

..... aaaand that's it I think!! Happy new year y'all!

#personal post tag

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orioncore · 2 years

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I wanna talk about Hikaru more bc I think she's very neat

he enrolled in yumenosaki during the ! era, and joined the producer course alongside anzu and the other 3 producer ocs my friends made, quickly becoming friends and working together to help out however possible (I'm very unfamiliar with the ! era though so don't expect much content in regards to that haha)

Hikaru is semi-secretly a vocaloid producer under the online name lightcatcher! He wanted to be an idol when he was young but his fears got the best of him whenever he tried to sing in front of an audience and he was barely able to squeeze out a few notes

during his first year he is similar to anzu, being quiet and polite, but he learns to open up and be more outgoing especially with all the other idols beginning to rub off on him

he is a big fan of valkyrie and is heavily inspired by their music and aesthetic (I don't know if they ever find out why nazuna actually left or not, we'll see)

Hikaru is in the handicraft club, and makes outfits for himself on occasion (hiding idol uniform concepts in his sketchbook)

despite being a student at Yumenosaki, she still had quite the interest in the idols of Reimei and Shuuetsu (he has very limited information on the Reimei revolution but is aware of it)

he is a BIG fan of Eden as well (and may or may not have a celebrity crush on a certain viper) (poison strategy awakened something in him /hj)

in !! era, he becomes a lot more outgoing and even snarky to his peers, but overall still reserved

she joins cospro and works there as a producer, not really assigned to a specific unit yet, and then crazy:b happens.

he is assigned to work with the new unit and is. Worried, to say the least

main story stuff happens you get the point eventually Hikaru grows attached to them and gets pretty sad when rinne runs off

oh and as all this happens she also begins to work with the other units of cospro, but more with 2wink rather than Eden and valk (sadly I am not a 2winkP so I can't really go into their potential dynamic). Hikaru begins to be seen as a better producer as time passes, and he gets trusted with harder jobs

idk when this would happen, probs after main story 1, but ibara sends them off to work with Valkyrie for a live and Hikaru freaks the fuck out

he knew mika a little bit during his 1st year but otherwise only has fan knowledge abt the two, and he nearly reverts back to his very quiet and polite persona in the presence of shu (I mean why wouldn't he when all of Valkyrie's production team gets scared off constantly). he does however see this as a chance to prove himself and the live ends up going very well! he gets to live another day under cospro! a similar thing happens with Eden as well, and she gains a lot of confidence, but still

eventually stuff happens and he begins to work with Eden and Valkyrie a lot more often, trying to balance his personal hobbies with work and school (he gets teased by rinne about him having favorites)

wow I wrote a lot I'll end it here for now haha

I hope this is like. comprehensive LMAO

#ori ocs #the r in orion stands for rambles #oc: hikaru takeuchi #i fell asleep after writing this stuff so forgive me if theres any spelling or grammar errors im not proofreading this #i can talk more abt specific character relationships later

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everythingbap · 3 months

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🎤 Kpop Concerts: [INTERVIEW] BANG YONGGUK on His Creative Evolution and Approach to Music

For rapper, singer-songwriter, and producer BANG YONGGUK, his life revolves around music. His journey began after falling in love with hip-hop at a young age. While still in middle school, he joined the underground hip-hop group, Soul Collection, after receiving praise for his self-written rap verses that he shared on an online forum. Under the stage name Jepp Blackman, he honed his skills and expanded his industry network, eventually featuring on his first song “Cherry Flower” with the collective in 2008.

He officially entered the public spotlight with his impressive rap delivery on Song Jieun’s 2011 chart-topping hit, “Going Crazy.” He continued to garner attention with his subsequent release “I Remember” featuring Beast’s Yoseob followed by the rap duet “Never Give Up” with his future bandmate, Zelo, under the sub-unit name, BANG&ZELO. Despite being a trainee until then, BANG YONGGUK was a hot topic, trending on search engines and attracting public interest as a promising new artist in the industry.

In 2012, BANG YONGGUK debuted as the leader and main rapper of the six-member boy group, B.A.P. Starting with their debut single, “Warrior,” he penned several of the group’s powerful and assertive lyrics that tackle themes such as empowerment, rebellion, social issues, and more. BANG YONGGUK pursued his solo career and began releasing more introspective music around mental health, self-reflection, and more as seen on his albums, BANGYONGGUK (2019), 2 (2022), and The Colors of Love(2023).

Shortly after the album’s release, BANG YONGGUK embarked on his ‘III’ THE US TOUR 2024,just months after his successful 2023 summer tour, The Colors of Bang Yongguk.“The biggest goal of going on a tour is sharing my music, indeed, but I also feel like I embark on the tour every year for new challenges,” he shared in a press release. “I learned and felt so many things by meeting my fans during my last tour, and I look forward to learning even more new things during this tour as well.”

The ‘III’ tour kicked off on April 5, spanning across a total of 11 cities and wrapping up in Los Angeles on April 28. The tour was more intimate compared to the previous one. On stage, BANG YONGGUK explained that 3 was filled with things he had long wanted to share but hadn’t had a chance. He wrapped up the tour with the hope that everyone confidently face challenges in their own lives and learn to grow from them. Following the end of the tour, Kpopconcerts.com caught up with BANG YONGGUK to recap his U.S. tour experience, dive deeper into 3, and his creative approach to his music.

KPC: Congratulations on completing your tour! After performing across 11 cities in the U.S., what are your final reflections on the experience?

BANG YONGGUK: It was a precious experience that reminded me of how much love I receive from my fans. The endless warmth and support made me feel like those are the reasons why I am alive.

KPC: What is the best and the hardest part about touring?

BANG YONGGUK: Seeing the fans who enjoy my music gives my life a lot of drive. It gives me strong motivation to create music and a reason to be on stage. However, the tight touring schedule makes it difficult to take care of myself. The emptiness and loneliness that come after a performance are just part of touring. So, I need to stay strong and protect myself physically and mentally.

KPC: What factors did you take into consideration when arranging this tour’s setlist?

BANG YONGGUK: The new album, 3, made up the core of the setlist. I wanted to sing all the songs in the album live. I tried to find tracks that fit the new album well and piece them together like a puzzle to make a more dynamic, exciting performance.

KPC: In a previous interview, you described your creative process as a cycle of destruction, creation, death, and rebirth. With your album, 3, you boldly explored new genres and sounds that you’ve yet to try before. Could you elaborate on what that journey was like for you?

BANG YONGGUK: This album is meaningful in a way that I challenged myself with the genres and tempo that I did not like before. I tried to get out of the existing BANG YONGGUK’s music. By trying things that I didn’t like, I was able to understand the genre characteristics of various music and study to change them to suit my style. I also feel that music has no end to learning.% buffered

00:00

-19:26

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KPC: You released a music video for each of your tracks on your latest album. What was the inspiration behind each video’s concept? Any memorable moments while on set?

BANG YONGGUK: When I am planning out an album and choosing a concept, I start by including image-related elements. For this album, I pulled from various sources, so I decided that I needed visualizers for each song. From the moment I chose France as the location for the shooting, the preparation period was more memorable than the actual schedule when I was there. After scouting the location, I had a long meeting with the staff about how we would move forward with the concept. Sometimes, we shared our thoughts until the sun came up to create a work of art together. Even though it’s tiring, times like that make me feel alive.

KPC: You’re shown dancing throughout the “Movimiento” music video. How did you feel dancing again?

BANG YONGGUK: As the title suggests, the shoot focused more on movement than dance. My goal was to show how I naturally moved to the music without being locked into a specific choreography.

KPC: In “BAD,” you collaborated with YOUHA. How did this collaboration come about and what it was like working with her?

KPC: Reflecting on your 13 years in the industry, what would you say has been the most significant change or evolution in your approach to creating music?

BANG YONGGUK: The diversity. I feel that the genre of music that I can make has grown. In addition to studying, I have to make an effort to accept and absorb it into my own style. It’s also important for me to learn from my experiences. I have produced many albums and have done a variety of performances, and I think these experiences have been very helpful for me.

KPC: How do you balance maintaining authenticity in your music while also evolving as an artist over time?

KPC: You’ve previously stated that one of your current goals is to support new artists who are chasing the same dreams that you once pursued early in your career. What advice would you offer to young artists aspiring to succeed in the music industry?

BANG YONGGUK: You have to keep dreaming and trying. Artists shouldn’t stop creating. I have to fight numerous worries and the urge to create even while lying in bed. And you have to constantly create something. I think that’s the destiny of artists. I dream of supporting their painstaking work and letting more people know about it.

Fan Question #1: What has been the best decision that you’ve ever made?

BANG YONGGUK:B.A.P

Fan Question #2: What artist have you been listening to on repeat?

BANG YONGGUK: Recently DUKE ELLINGTON’s LP gave me the most comfort.

Fan Question #3: Favorite meal from America?

BANG YONGGUK: I like In-N-Out’s strawberry shake the most.

Fan Question #4: Given your appreciation for Pinot Noir, have you discovered any new favorite wines or vineyards lately, and if so, what are they?

BANG YONGGUK: Lately, I’ve been into German and Austrian riesling. With global warming, the variety’s unique flavors and trends are gradually changing so I thought I should experience more riesling before that.

KPC: Thank you for your time. Do you have any words you would like to say to your fans?

BANG YONGGUK: I want to express my love and respect to the fans who have always shown me a lot of love. Please continue to watch me until the end. I will be back. Thank you.

Thank you to BANG YONGGUK and MyMusicTaste for this opportunity and Nahri and Lisa for the translations.

#240619 #yongguk #interview #b.a.p

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theghostpinesmusic · 8 months

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youtube

Seeing as how I haven't done a music-related write-up for a bit and how it's currently 4:30pm and therefore too late in the day to start on another work-related project of actual substance...I'm going to tell you about this version of "Bathtub Gin" that I like!

As I said (threatened?) in my last Goose post, I'm consciously branching out a little between now and whenever the hell the next Goose show will be. In my own personal listening, "branching out" means I've been listening to a lot of stuff I've never heard before, both stuff that's totally new to me and stuff that's been sitting ignored on my "Try this!" list for a long time. In my blog writing, "branching out" apparently means "writing about the band I've listened to the most by an entire order of magnitude for the last twenty-five years."

Hey, if I can't be perfect I'm sure as hell going to stop trying.

I am not going to start this post with a primer on Phish because a) if you're reading this you either already know them or you don't know them and don't care, and b) there are literal books about this out there because these guys have been playing for forty years and every little thing they do is steeped in weird mythology and inside jokes and as much as I love all of it, I don't love it enough to write a hundred thousand words about it.

If you're somehow entirely new to the band and also feel an obsessive need to learn/dive in, my super idiosyncratic recommendation is to listen to their album A Live One a few times, and then buy and read through this very short book by Walter Holland, who in my humble opinion is sort of like the Hunter S. Thompson of writing about Phish jams.

I will henceforth only be writing in the micro- and macro-cosms about this particular version of Phish's "Bathtub Gin" and my reactions to it, despite not being the Hunter S. Thompson of writing about Phish jams.

Biologically speaking, I almost certainly, technically have THC in my bloodstream right now if that somehow makes you feel better.

So, Phish was one of the first places I turned at the beginning of this little Goose hiatus. For a lot of reasons, despite being the band that most immediately jumps to my mind when the phrase "favorite ever" is used in a variety of contexts, I haven't listened to Phish much over the last few years. I wrote a little bit about why in this previous post, and to keep my promise of staying focused and save myself some time typing, I won't say any more for the moment: suffice to say that I overdid it a little bit with The Phish and The Phish's Internet Fandom, which soured me on the band's music and left me sitting on the sidelines for years, wondering if it was the band that had come, over time, to suck ass, or whether it was just me.

Well, I'm relieved to report that it was, in fact, me who was doing the ass-sucking.

I learned this, in large part, by diving into the band's recent New Year's Eve (NYE) run at Madison Square Garden (MSG). I actually started my Goose Interregnum concert-viewing here only because the run had just ended and I'd seen online that the band had played all the way through its storied, elusive, and utterly dorky "Gamehendge" saga on 12/31, for the first time since 1994 (or maybe 1995, kill me in the comments Phish fans, I'm ready to die).

I wanted to see this, even if after the fact and from my couch, because back in my early Phish fan-Hood (see what I did there?) Gamehendge had been a big part of what drew me to the band, and I was excited by the prospect of being a grown-ass, middle-aged man bawling his eyes out on his basement couch because in a video another old man was on a stage singing a song about a bulldog and a cat fighting to the death while a comet crashed into Earth, bringing about the end times.

When you're a straight, white kid growing up in suburbia, you either become an absolute monster or your brain finds really fucking weird things to care a lot about. I like to think I fit into the second category.

Anyway, with a more-than-usual amount of spare time on my hands, I decided to try watching the entire MSG NYE run, starting with 12/28 instead of jumping straight to 12/31. I thought, maybe, I'd have a decently fun time and get a good sense of where Phish was at musically (an important thing to know when all the band members are sixty-ish years in age and you haven't heard or seen them play since 2021). Then I watched 12/28 and it destroyed me. Like, this band of aging dork-rockers literally lit the entire arena on fire with their instruments and it burned down around them while they just kept jamming. I'm not sure how anyone escaped MSG alive, let alone how there were concerts there for the next three nights.

12/29 was just as good, if not better, and 12/30 was an incredible show that only paled in comparison to the previous two. My reaction surprised me, and so that's why I cranked up the ol' typing machine, shoveled some fresh coal into the boiler, and sat down to write about...wait, what was I actually writing about, again?

Oh, yeah. "Bathtub Gin."

I'm not gonna give you a lengthy history of this song, for all the same reasons I cited above for not giving you a long history of Phish as a band. I will tell you it's a "classic" Phish song in that it was played live for the first time in 1989 and has been played three hundred and four more times in the one thousand, seven-hundred and fifty-one shows the band has played since. There also a studio recording of it on Lawn Boy, which I always forget because who the fuck listens to Lawn Boy?! The song is used frequently, but not always, as a jam vehicle, and I tend to enjoy hearing it live due to its quintessentially Phish-y sound: Phish writes and plays songs that sound a lot like many of their influences, but they also have songs that sound only like Phish, and this is one of them. Well, it sounds like Phish and Gerswhin, I suppose. "Bathtub Gin" is also my wife's favorite Phish song, but I'm not entirely sure if that's because she likes it or because she knows that liking "Waste" or "Shade" or "Farmhouse" more would put her firmly in the "Stereotypical Phish Wife" realm.

This 12/28 version of the tune is a great one for jamming, but as usual I'll (mostly) refrain from commenting until the point in the video where the composed portion of the song leaves off and the improvisation begins.

I do want to start by saying I love the retro feel of this year's "Live Phish" intro/logo sequence. Also, yes, Page's opening keyboard banging is supposed to sound like that. It's how he lets you know he's having fun! Gershwin tease at 2:26 if you're keeping track. Otherwise, this is a pretty straightforward reading of the composed part of the song. I absolutely love the sound mix here, as you can hear all four members' contributions to the song more or less equally. It blows the old days of tapes essentially mixed to make Trey's guitar 80% of the band's sound out of the water. It also leads to me basically just listening to Mike Gordon play bass for the entire show because if you can, why wouldn't you?!

It often sounds like the band might be singing actual, English lyrics during the outro portion of the song, but I don't think they ever are.

The jam starts at 4:50, and basically immediately Fishman is playing stuff on the drums that my simple brain can barely comprehend. This is perhaps one significant difference between Phish and the Goose jams I've been covering previously: the rhythm section of Phish is much more directly involved in the direction of the band's improvisation, whereas it often feels like the drums and bass of Goose are just laying a foundation for the melody players to improvise over. One is not inherently better than the other, but I do often feel like there's a lot more to listen to with Phish, despite them having fewer members.

Anyway, this first chunk of the jam feels a lot to me like being lost in a fuzzy, pleasant labyrinth: the tempo is slow and the playing is soft, but there's an undercurrent of tension there. By 5:30, things have started to straighten out a little, though the lights have gotten absolutely weird. Fishman starts playing a more straightforward beat, and the rest of the band falls into a rock-sounding jam that makes me think of what Goose might sound like if their fingers were thirty years older.

Trey starts to sit back a little bit at 6:45, and the jam mellows out in response. It feels a little bit like he can't figure out where he wants to go next here, but Mike and Page take some turns adding ideas to the mix in the meantime. Eventually, Trey joins back in the fun, but still in a restrained way. For awhile here, everyone's just sort of playing together, with no particular standout or soloist, which is great.

Whatever keyboard tone Page switches to at 8:58 is fantastic. He follows it up pretty quickly with some weirder synthesizer stuff, and at 9:40 this pushes the jam in a more sinister direction. At 10:20, Trey switches over to a very Portal To Robot Hell guitar effect, and now we're in full-on latter-day Evil Phish jamming territory. Fishman is, of course, keeping a beat here, but it's odd and off-kilter (not a drummer, sorry to be imprecise) and makes the whole thing feel like it's just barely hanging together in the best way.

This kind of "almost-falling-apart" sound is, paradoxically, when Phish often hits their stride in jamming. I think it's what makes them sort of a love/hate proposition even among people who listen to a lot of improvisatory rock music. It's not particularly fun or comfortable, but I've never come across another group of musicians that can improvise with each other consistently in this way.

Trey's playing finally comes a bit to the fore starting at 13:00, but even here this doesn't feel like a rote jam "peak": instead, the backbeat that Fishman is playing keeps things feeling a little out of sorts and not entirely resolved. Trey and Page playing off of each other at 14:15 is nice. I'm not sure what's going on with the lights at 14:30, but I do know these guys consistently have my favorite light show in show business. There's some almost Allman Bros-sounding playing from Trey at 15:15 as we reaching peak craziness...

...then some initial teasing of the "Bathtub Gin" theme at 16:30 or so, teasing a return to the song proper to wrap things up!

The video fades out on a segue into what would turn out to be an excellent version of "Ghost," for those keeping score at home.

Anyway, thanks for reading my first (at least lately) Phish write-up. I'm going to try to do a few more of these from the run, including (I think) two new songs: "Oblivion" from 12/29 and "Life Saving Gun" from 12/30. Should have those up soon!

#phish #jams #jam bands #music #videos #writing #live music #Youtube

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eyeheartboobiez · 9 months

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-> 𝗃𝖺𝗌𝗈𝗇 𝗍𝗈𝖽𝖽 𝗑 𝗌𝗂𝗇𝗀𝖾𝗋!𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋

-> 𝗌𝗈𝖼𝗂𝖺𝗅 𝗆𝖾𝖽𝗂𝖺 𝖺𝗎!

-> 𝖺/𝗇: 𝗈𝗄𝖺𝗒 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗂𝗌 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖫𝖠𝖲𝖳 𝗍𝗂𝗆𝖾 𝗂𝗆𝗆𝖺 𝗎𝗌𝖾 𝗏𝗂𝗇𝗇𝗂𝖾 𝗁𝖺𝖼𝗄𝖾𝗋 𝖺𝗌 𝖺 𝗃𝖺𝗌𝗈𝗇 𝖿𝖺𝖼𝖾 𝖼𝗅𝖺𝗂𝗆 𝗂 𝗌𝗐𝖾𝖺𝗋😭

Jason Todd and ex girlfriend, Artemis Grace, spotted outside a club together just hours ago! May this old flame be finding its spark again? (8/20/2022 3:14 AM PT)

For months now, people have been buzzing after Gotham elite Jason Todd and singer Y/N Y/LN hinted at being in a relationship. Ever since this past March when they were initially spotted together, fans have done nothing short of obsessing over the two.

Artemis Grace, former girlfriend of Jason, had gotten into some hot water recently when insiders claimed that the singer had something to do with leaking Y/N’s unreleased track, Fantasize.

As mentioned in former articles, TMZ investigators came to the conclusion that Artemis was involved in publishing the song as a way of “getting her lick back”. Time logs show that the dubbed “rival” singer entered the same studio as Y/N not too long after she left for the night.

Many people online have been more than vocal about their love for the song, despite the fact that it was released without the artist’s consent.

While Artemis has yet issue a statement regarding the accusations, she seems to have plenty of time to be out partying with her ex.

Fast forward to last night, when just hours ago, Jason and Artemis were seen leaving a nightclub together and looking very close for comfort. Onlookers were not only shocked, but absolutely gagged when they saw the two hugging each other goodbye.

With their late night rendezvous breaking headlines, some fans are starting to question if Jason may have also played a part in helping Artemis, or if they ever really broke up at all!

The exes, who were romantically involved for almost two years, have a long history of being toxic towards each other. Their on-again-off-again relationship was notorious for its dysfunctionality, making it hard to keep up most of the time.

It wasn't until late last year when both Jason and Artemis officially called it quits by posting an announcement on their respective Instagram accounts (although many were skeptical to believe it).

Despite the initial shock of the situation, it begs the question: Where does Y/N stand in all of this?

Fans of the singer songwriter were quick to come to her support, majority of whom expressing their clear disappointment in Jason.

“I was really betting on these two,” says Twitter user @y/n’scoochiehairs. “I feel like a child of divorce…”. The fan account, while only just a few months old, grew exponentially due to their constant posts about the alleged couple.

Many sentiments like this have been circulating the internet once the pictures from last night began to surface. Y/N is notorious for putting her emotions into her songs, so at least we know she’ll be releasing new music soon, right?

— replies —

user1: oh she really aint playing...

user2: COOK HIM GOOD SIS!!

user3: girl this is a whole bar put this energy into a song or sumn😭

user4: sooo what im hearing is that ur single🤔

⤷ user5: ntm on my wife now..

user6: this next album bouta be BIBLICAL

user7: genuinely hope youre doing okay🥺🫶

user8: ily queen🩷

people you may know!

liked by b_zarro and 613,189 others

@artemisofmighdall: last night was a dream✨

View all 25,846 comments

user1: first you mess with her music then you mess with her man.. if bold was a person…

user2: the hell is she smiling so damn big for?? ain’t shit funny😐

user3: girl you betta PRAY i don’t catch you in these streets…

user4: “last night was a dream” yeah and you in for a rude awakening cuz wth💀

user5: these comments killing me😭

user6: you already going to hell for being a ginger now you just making it worse for yourself🤦‍♀️

— creator has turned off comments—

end notes: is jason involved or is he just being framed👀 lmk what you think!!

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highnoteblog · 10 months

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Ending the Debate: A review of because I liked a boy by Sabrina Carpenter

By Sam Castillo

Despite having released her debut song back in 2014 and finding little to no luck in finding mainstream success, Sabrina Carpenter finally breaks out as she finds her rhythm. The 24-year-old, actress turned singer, released her breakout song entitled “because I liked a boy” alongside her album entitled “emails I can’t send” on July 15, 2022, by Island Records.

The success of the song may be attributed to her recent involvement in a love triangle between rising popstar, Olivia Rodrigo, and her now ex-boyfriend, Joshua Basset. Although the song does not name anyone explicitly, the subject matter is clear. Finally putting the rumors to rest, Sabrina conveys her truth and her side of the story through the lyrics of because I liked a boy.

The song is structured like a typical pop song with it going in the order: verse, chorus, verse, chorus, bridge, and final chorus. Moreover, it uses a 4/4 time signature and is in the key of B Major. The song stands out amongst the rest as it features a haunting yet flowing melody that is pleasant to the ears despite the sad nature of the song.

The song starts mellow, with only a soft-sounding guitar to accompany the singer. The first verse recounts how her and Basset met and the innocent nature of their relationship. She recounts these moments and ending it with the lines “Fell so deeply into it, it was all so innocent.”

Despite starting sweet and mellow, the song’s lyrics and dynamic take a sharp turn as the chorus comes in. “Now I’m a homewrecker, I’m a slut, I got death threats filling up semi-trucks. Tell me who I am, guess I don't have a choice, all because I liked. I’m a hot topic on your tongue. I’m a rebound getting ‘round stealin’ from the young.” These explicit yet raw lyrics show Carpenter recounting all the hate messages she received due to the media painting her out to be what caused Rodrigo and Basset to break up. These lines underscore the absurdity of being labeled and judged based on someone else's actions, emphasizing the unfair burden placed upon women in the public eye.

In an ethereal sounding bridge, Carpenter sounds like she’s falling from the sky as if the drama surrounding her has resulted in her fall from grace. She then adds a cheeky little line to address the situation singing: “Dating boys with exes No, I wouldn't recommend it.”

The last chorus starts out soft with only her vocals occupying the song. However, it starts getting louder as more instruments come in, signifying Carpenter rising up to the situation and finally standing up for herself against the hate. She finally shuts down the haters one last time with the final lyric of the last chorus, and arguably the best lyric in the whole song: “And all of this for what? When everything went down, we'd already broken up.” Alluding to the fact that at the peak of her receiving hate online for being the so-called mistress, her and Basset had already broken up thus her no longer being involved with him yet still getting caught up in the gossip.

The music video for the song further reaffirms this narrative as the video surrounds a well-beloved circus ringleader, Carpenter, who eventually loses the public’s favor as people mistakenly blame her for being the person responsible for the lion’s disappearance. Just like what the song suggests, the video shows the damage done to her reputation by fake news spread by the media and the masses which leads to her being the target of the daggers thrown by the public.

The song perfectly delves into the complexities of young love, public scrutiny, and the unfair labels placed upon women. Carpenter's powerful vocals convey the pain and frustration of being vilified for simply pursuing her feelings. This comes as a reminder to fans that although celebrity drama may be interesting, the center of these controversies are also people with feelings too. Carpenter's vulnerability and honesty resonate with listeners, making the song a relatable anthem for anyone who has ever been unfairly judged or silenced.

#song review #sam

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destroyerarcher · 10 months

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Alien Hominid HD - Return of a Classic

Alien Hominid HD is a rerelease of the game of the same name, primarily using the Xbox 360 version as a base. This means that for people revisiting the game, they will not experience the original space/ending cutscene music from the PS2/GC versions of the game, and other changes from the 360 version will persist in this version of Alien Hominid. Note that there is no online co-op functionality whatsoever, not even for PDA Games which formerly had online co-op support in the 360 version. Co-op will only work if multiple controllers are present, so there cannot be a mix of one keyboard, one controller player in co-op without having a second controller. Unfortunately, despite being a rerelease, not very many changes have happened between the original 360 HD version and this version. While preserving the old spirit of the original is good, I was hoping at least that the non-HD music tracks or adding an option for only one roll keybind instead of two keybinds/buttons would be added. While keybinds can be made playable enough where I earned all achievements with keyboard and mouse, controller still feels overall smoother even after I tried rebinding my controls primarily because of the two separate roll buttons.

In terms of new technical additions, the main differences are that the max framerate can now be up to 480 FPS and up to 4k resolution support. There is also a launcher that appears while starting up the game, which while mostly pointless, also does not significantly impact the experience overall.

Alien Hominid throughout the years has aged fairly well overall, given that it is effectively a Flash game given the content of a full release. While controls are a bit clunky, shooting FBI agents and the like still feels satisfying, and unleashing a charged shot on bosses always feels satisfying. Levels are different enough where you always feel like there is something fresh in each new level, and bosses never feel like they are insurmountable for long. The artstyle, given that this was The Behemoth’s first console release, is very much reminiscent of Adobe Flash, and I really like it even today. That being said, some people may not like that type of artstyle or gameplay, which is understandable. One thing that I am not a huge fan of is how fast the normal attack can be shot, which can feel extremely spammy and is used a lot in speedruns, which is essentially the main replay value of Alien Hominid.

Earning 100% achievements is a fairly fast task. I completed the game in 9 hours, and some of that time was spent messing around with settings or in co-op where I was not actively making progress on achievements. Two achievements of note that differ from the 360 version are Survivalist, which requires 10 minutes instead of the original 20, and Head Chomper, which now requires 10 consecutive head bites instead of 50. These changes make earning all achievements noticeably easier. Some achievements I recommend keeping an eye out for is Hungry Yeti, which I think might actually require the kills be in one game, and Perfect Fight, which requires beating the final boss without a continue and thus, fighting the boss on friendly while doing that achievement is recommended. For some more specific achievements, I personally used level 2-1 for Head Chomper, where I camped the outpost, Urban Challenge for Survivalist by staying in cars and charged shooting enemy cars, and camping on top of the first 3-3 computer for Killing Spree, as it is a safe spot for farming 1,000 kills.

Minigame wise, the offerings are just like that of Alien Hominid 360 HD. Of particular note is PDA Games, which are platforming minigames where the objective is killing all agents and reaching the exit. The content offered in them matches the 360 release with all DLC pre-included, so no additional purchase is required for all the content. There is no level editor for PDA games unlike the PS2/GC releases, and there is no longer online support for it in this version. Some other minigames include guiding a soviet missile and having it travel as far as possible, and a minigame somewhat like volleyball that requires another player and is effectively the only PvP mode included.

Even after 19 years, Alien Hominid still holds up well enough that I can recommend it at full price for people that have not played it before. That being said, if you do not like how the first level feels, you probably will not like the game as a whole.

#game review #alien hominid #side scroller #the behemoth #classic

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fanofbirdsflying · 1 year

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sm entertainment is a bad managment company when it comes to exo.

this company has been relying on exo's fandom to carry ALL the promotion since kokobop (technically monster even).

this company releases albums quickly, gives them less then 7 music show apperances, less than a handful of variety (or radio) show appearances and expects fans to do everything.

in recent years it's become popular to show some of the recording bts of how the title tracks/album were recorded... has exo had that for obsession? or don't find the feeling? (hoping for cream soda...). exo and their producers do some actually interesting things with their songs, but we don't get to see that.

killing voice has become a great promo platform in recent years. exo went on there because fans asked for it.

exo is known for being a pretty group (vocals too)...when was the last time exo's faces were together for a magazine photoshoot?

sm doesn't understand that exo isn't as dead as they WANT them to be. they REFUSE to put exo out there and give them proper promotional cycles. they REFUSE to send them to variety shows to promote their music and the members. they give them 1 MAYBE 2 weeks of music shows to make fans shut up. they refuse to introduce exo to new audiences. there is only so much exo's old fandom can do in terms of streaming and buying albums. exols don't have the habits that other fandoms have of manipulating their own faves' numbers. if you don't make the effort to reach out to new audiences through variety shows, radio shows and online content, with barely any music show apperances, OTHER ppl/ppl who are NOT fans won't know about exo, their new song/album or their talent.

you might think it's stupid of me to want exo on music shows for a significant amount of time put it's not. the more you go on, the longer fans have sth to talk about. and maybe ppl who aren't fans will stumble upon their new performance while they were looking for sth else. (this isn't about the music, but there are instances of idols going viral for good styling (e.g. taeyeon lion heart), so even non musical things like this can do a lot.)

what's the point of of spending time on making an album if you don't go out there and promote it?

sm has the habit of releasing exo album's quickly so that they can go on an (asian) tour.

sm didn't really have much hope for exo in 2016 when they came out with their third album ex'act. sm thought (and made exo believe) their best days were over, despite exo outdoing themselves in terms of their personal best. and continued to do so with every following release.

sm actively holds them back by not properly managing them and planning schedules. i am aware that exo has individual schedules, but that's what the COMPANY is there for, to make it work somehow.

they also hold them back by not printing exo's album(s). sm, like many other companies, opens a preorder to roughly determine how much interest exists for an album, so that they have a rough number of how many copies to print. sm and exols tend to not really inflate exo's numbers. when exo released their obsession album, sm CANCELLED people's orders. to this day it is their lowest selling full album, because of sm not wanting to cater to exo (and exo's fandom). there is a DEMAND. people want to spend money on exo, but sm doesn't want that.

now, in case you haven't heard, sm has done the same with the exist album. they cancelled orders and don't want to meet demands of exo fans who want to buy exo's album and spend money on EXO. exo had over 1mio preorders, and refuses to meet demands, yet thus far (20230716) have no issues with nct dream and their 4mio copies of preorders (which have become a somewhat regular thing for bgs in the past few years, inflated numbers, to media-play with).

and you can't say it's because of sm's internal drama at the beginning of the year, because sm has been treating exo and their promotions like a joke for a long time.

sm does not like exo. sm doesn't want exo to be bigger than sm.

#why would they hold them back like this for so many years?#th

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awfullydxpeched2 · 2 years

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Topics I am researching for a future assignment:

Music and culture

The experience of being a fan of music

Fandom and music

The importance of fans in music

Why music is one of the most important things in my life

Why 1980s music is one of the most innovative decades

Goth isn't dead, it's just underground

A History of Darkwave music

A history of Depeche Mode's enduring passionate fanbase, despite their underground status

2. Something I did this week:

I went to lunch with my dad at Burger Patch in Davis. It's one of my favorite restaurants, especially as a vegan. It was good to see him. I'm very close to my dad, and ever since I moved out last October to Davis it's been difficult not being able to see him as often so it was good to have lunch with him and spend time with him.

Two quotes:

“And while it remains difficult to forecast how technology trends will play out, business leaders can plan ahead better by watching the development of new technologies, anticipating how companies could utilize them, and understanding the factors that impact innovation and adoption.” (Analytics Insight)

“These represent the upcoming shift in application design and development, where consumers will utilise a single app to manage the majority of systems in an enterprise ecosystem. Over 50% of the world’s population will utilise superapps on a daily basis, predicts Gartner.” (Analytics Insight)

This week I am researching the Tubbs fire, for my American Studies Seminar on Natural Disasters. I am writing a paper on the wildfire and the communication methods used in communicating the imminent danger of the wildfire to local communities in 2017. I am using these resources:

Gabbert, Bill. "Kincade Fire burns into two fires from 2017." Wildfire Today. October 29, 2019. https://wildfiretoday.com/tag/tubbs-fire/ Links to an external site. Accessed February 1, 2023.

Barber, Phil. "A Walk in the Ashes of the Tubbs Fire: Five years after Sonoma County's worst disaster." The Press Democrat. October 3, 2022. https://www.pressdemocrat.com/article/news/a-walk-in-the-ashes-of-the-tubbs-fire-five-years-later-in-sonoma-county/ Links to an external site. Accessed February 2, 2023.

5. Links to five or more discovered resources (including articles, podcasts, books, websites)

6. Response to a compelling paragraph from a news story concerning Silicon Valley: Get Ready to Meet the ChatGPT Clones

"Last week, LLaMA, an AI model developed by Meta—and similar to the one at the core of ChatGPT—was leaked online after being shared with some academic researchers. The system could be used as a building block in the creation of a chatbot, and its release sparked worry among those who fear that the AI systems known as large language models, and chatbots built on them like ChatGPT, will be used to generate misinformation or automate cybersecurity breaches. Some experts argue that such risks may be overblown, and others suggest that making the technology more transparent will in fact help others guard against misuses."

This paragraph stood out to me, particularly the part about the fear of it spreading misinformation. I think this is a valid concern; with the AI's ability to generate its own content in response to a user-generated question, a question created with the intent of creating misinformation, I think this could be a problem when it comes to politics.

7. Response to an assigned reading: https://journalism.columbia.edu/best-journalism-advice

I really enjoyed reading the advice given in this article. The one that stood out to me the most was the idea of doing in depth research before, and doing in depth interviews. When I started doing journalism I think that was something I underestimated a little, which is why I struggled with some pieces at first. I think with some time, I realized that doing proper interviews and research will help a story idea appear with ease, and this is now something I apply to all writing, not necessarily just journalism, and have found ideas come much more easier to me now.

8. An anecdote about something you did this week:

I started meeting up with my boyfriend at the Shields Library Reading Room to do study sessions on Monday and Wednesday's from 12:00 to 1:30 before going to journalism. It's been a way to spend time together while doing other things, but has been also a way for me to learn more about him as a student and his interests in relation to his major, and to understand him more intellectually as we've been having conversations about linguistic anthropology and I understand a new subject more, as well as his passions.

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msclaritea · 2 years

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"Enjoy it before it destroys your soul" – why Trent Reznor, Joe Bonamassa and Jack White are withdrawing from social media channels | MusicRadar

Twitter CEO and largest shareholder Musk has since responded to Reznor's move in a reply to a Tweet, admitting he's a fan of his music but branding him a 'crybaby' for quitting the platform.

Best of 2022: While Jack White has recently made it clear that he's leaving Twitter due to Elon Musk's decision to reinstate Donald Trump's account, Trent Reznor is the latest musician to close his account on the platform. Meanwhile, in a now deleted Instagram post Joe Bonamassa stated he will no longer be personally posting on his social media accounts. So what's going on?

Reznor's reasons for leaving Twitter don't just reference the 'billionaire class' to take a swipe at Musk's recent takeover of the social media platform, but what he perceives to be the negative climate of the social media channel in general.

“I’m about to depart," stated Reznor before closing his Twitter account on Sunday (20 November). "We don’t need the arrogance of the billionaire class to feel like they can just come in and solve everything. Even without him involved, I just find that it has become such a toxic environment. For my mental health, I need to tune out. I don’t feel good being there anymore.

Although Reznor used his Twitter account infrequently, despite having 1.6 million followers, he remains an influential voice for musicians and the wider music world alongside White who outlined his own reasons for leaving Twitter in an Instagram post on 20 November.

Twitter CEO and largest shareholder Musk has since responded to Reznor's move in a reply to a Tweet, admitting he's a fan of his music but branding him a 'crybaby' for quitting the platform.

In a follow-up Tweet Musk also suggested the Oscar-winning musician might be better suited to online marketplace Etsy.

White and Reznor are clearly not the only musicians grappling with their places on social media right now. Joe Bonamassa yesterday announced – in a now deleted Instagram post captured and transcribed by Killer Guitar Rigs(opens in new tab) – that he intended to step away from posting personally on social media following negative comments from a small minority of followers on his Instagram – at least one referring to Bonamassa's physical appearance in a playing video the bluesman posted over the weekend. The user later deleted their comment.

"This isn’t what I signed up for eight years ago"

“So, after sleeping on this I have come to a conclusion. Last night I allowed a few clowns [Bonamassa tagged a user he identified as being involved in the post at this point that we're choosing to omit] being one of them to cause me to go onstage angry. That is not fair to you the fans.”

“Also, This isn’t what I signed up for eight years ago," wrote Bonamassa. "Social media has become such a distraction for me. This place feels like it has the maturity of high school and I fear I am gonna be provoked one day into saying something i might regret.

“So I’m leaving this wonderful place to the influencers and good looking. Enjoy it before it destroys your soul. I will see you in real life somewhere down the road and in Riverside tonight.

“Any posts on this page going forward will not be from me. Thanks for the eight years."

Fans were quick to voice their dismay, with many continuing to urge Bonamassa to reconsider his decision. We hope he does too, as he brings plenty of guitar history education to his posts, as well as his playing.."

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astranva · 3 years

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Chris being in love with Y/N for 7 mins video

Word Count: 1.6k

Category: Fluff

Warning: None

Summary: A YouTube video of a compilation of Chris being in love with actress!Y/N.

If you were to get asked about your favorite phrase used to describe you and Chris’s 4-years relationship, it would be “the golden retriever couple of Hollywood.”

You and Chris were an unproblematic couple; always seen having fun, helping out fans in more ways than one, and your fellow co-stars and colleagues swore up and down with your spirit.

“Y/N and Chris threw this barbecue party, right? And Tom was even allowed to come,” Anthony Mackie had said in one interview, “They had juice boxes lined up there for him and everything. Gotta love them, man. Gotta love them.”

“If I can be adopted by a celebrity couple, who would it be?” Tom Holland read a card in one of his interviews before he looked at the camera, “Definitely Chris and Y/N. Chris Evans and Y/N Y/L/N, yeah,” he nodded, “I actually feel like I already am,” he laughed, “They’re just that couple who take everybody in. They just,” he shrugged, “You could really tell that what they have is a home. It’s home to so many people.”

“Evans and Y/N have always been like, the cool parents on set,” Sebastian Stan had said in one online interview when he was asked about the Endgame set, “Even before they got together–before they finally got together,” he rolled his eyes with a scoff, “They’re just cool. You can’t have a boring day with these two.”

Despite the world witnessing how clear it was that the both of you were in love with each other, people were always very vocal about wanting someone who treated them the same way Chris treated you, and it was no surprise that there were countless of fan edits made about the both of you; how you look at each other, your funny moments, your sassy moments, your secretively dirty moments, and how Chris was a gentleman to you.

One 7-minute video had garnered 2.2 million views on YouTube, with the title:

Chris Evans being in love with Y/N Y/L/N for 7 mins straight.

The video began with a text of the title written over lofi music in the background before it cut to the first footage.

It was quite possibly the most famous footage of the both of you.

It was during the 2019’s Oscars, and as you were sat in a powder blue velvet dress that matched the color of Chris’s blazer, and the same moment your name was called as the winner of Best Actress.

The video showed as your eyes were tearful, standing up only to turn to wrap your arms around Chris whose own eyes were tearful. It was a brief, yet expressive hug, and as you pulled away, Chris’s hand was gentle on your cheek as he pressed his lips against yours in a congratulatory kiss.

Applause and cheer could be heard over the music as Chris held out his arm for you to take so he could walk you to the stairs to collect your award before he gracefully gave you away but not before reaching forward to help you with the train of your dress, and standing on the side to look at you.

The video then cut to the two of you sitting next to each other from Buzzfeed’s interview/game of “The Cast Of "Avengers: Endgame" Tries To Survive Thanos's Snap” video.

“Which word would your closest friends use to describe you?” You read, “Caring, loyal, creative, funny, kind, successful,” you read off the options.

“You’re all of them,” Chris said, shaking his head as he looked at your screen before looking back at his.

You pouted, looking at him as you put a hand to your heart, “That’s so cute,” you cooed, “You’re all of them, too.”

The video then cut to a Zoom interview of Chris’s with Jimmy Kimmel.

In a navy blue cap on his head and a beaming face, Chris was smiling as Jimmy talked.

“How was your quarantine? Is there anything special you did?”

“Well,” Chris shrugged before looking up and smiling then looking back at the laptop, “We’ve been taking it slow and learning new recipes. Made pasta from scratch yesterday, just some nice stuff,” he shrugged again.

“Who’s we?”

“You know,” he laughed, leaning back, “Come on, come on,” he shook his head, “Everybody knows who’s we.”

Jimmy laughed, “Say it!”

“Just Y/N and I, man,” Chris laughed, his eyes seemingly twinkling before he glanced up then back at the laptop.

“Is she here right now?”

“Yeah,” Chris answered, “Baby, come say hi to Jimmy,” the pet name flew out of his mouth before he could even think about it, eyes looking at you before your face was finally showed beside him.

“Hi, Jimmy!” You waved, bending down to look at him before Chris gave you an airpod, the smile still on his face as he looked up at you, his arm moving before his hand was on your back, softly rubbing it.

Good 5 seconds were spent only looking at you with a smile on his face before Chris looked back at Jimmy, his hand still shown on your back.

The video then cut to bloopers from the Endgame set.

The green screen was behind you as you and Chris stood in your costumes, the camera recording as you playfully and dramatically got into a fighting posture at him.

“I’m not going to fight you. I’m not,” he shook his head.

“Fight me, you b-” the word was bleeped as you said it, softly punching his shoulder and trying not to burst out laughing.

“Nah,” he shook his head again, “I’d rather dance with you. Come on, dance with me,” and just like that, Chris’s hands were on your waist and yours were on his shoulders, “That’s more like it.”

The video then cut to another footage of the both of you during another Jimmy Kimmel interview with Anthony Mackie, Sebastian Stan, and Paul Rudd.

Chris was sitting in the middle between you and Mackie, his gaze on you with a small smile as you talked.

“And I’m just really excited to explore the character more because it has amazing, amazing depth to it, you know?” You talked, hands moving as you looked at Jimmy.

The footage was then edited to zoom in on Chris’s face, focusing on how absolutely smitten he looked as he listened to you talk, a proud smile on his face that he, himself, wasn’t even aware of at the time.

The video then cut to another footage from that interview during the personal trivia game segment of it.

“What is Y/N’s favorite Disney character?” Jimmy asked.

“Elsa,” Anthony answered, making you give him a thumbs down.

“When have you ever seen me talking about Elsa?” You asked him.

“Why not?” Anthony joked.

With a smug look, Chris glanced at you before looking back at Jimmy, “Gentlemen, please, please,” he held his hands out.

“You know the answer?” Jimmy asked.

“Of course he does,” Sebastian teased, rolling his eyes jokingly.

“What’s my favorite Disney character, Chris?” You playfully squinted your eyes at him, leaning your face a little closer to his.

“Dory,” he answered with a smug smile, raising his eyebrows and giving a shrug when Jimmy said it was correct, crossing one leg above the other before leaning back and resting his arm behind you on the couch, “What can I say?”

“You can’t ask anything about Y/N,” Paul said before pointing at Chris, “He’s got a head start.”

The video then cut to a footage from another online interview of his with Graham Norton, the latter talking about how people went crazy over Chris’s cable knit sweater from Knives Out.

“I’m presuming, you can never wear one again,” Graham said.

“You know, I-I do get a little bit side-eyed when I wear one now. It’s a little bit, like,” he rolled his eyes, mocking as he pointed beside him, “He’s wearing a cable,” he said under his breath jokingly before chuckling, “And my girlfriend–Like, Y/N gets that look now, too, when she wears one.”

Graham laughed, leaning forward with a surprised expression, “Does she?”

“Yeah,” he laughed, “My brother got Y/N, and Dodger, my dog, and I these matching cable knits as a joke,” his hand moved as he talked, “And Y/N was wearing it while running some errands and she comes back and is like,” he frowned a little, “Chris, I think people think I’m cosplaying as Ransom Drysdale,” he said in a low voice before his face broke into laughter, “Everybody was talking! Everybody was talking!” Chris laughed, “She just looks so good in it!”

The video then cut to the last footage, being one of the both of you from your movie’s world premiere as you conversed with an interviewer.

“Chris, what do you think of Y/N’s look tonight?”

“Aw, man,” he closed his eyes with a smile, shaking his head before turning to look at you, his smile going wider at you bashfully smiling. Chris held you at arm’s length, gawking at you as he shook his head in disbelief, “I can’t believe I’m her date,” he said before looking at the camera, his arm going around your waist to inch you closer. “Can you believe she actually agreed to go out with me?” His eyes widened in shock, pointing at himself, “Me! Out of all people, she chose me,” he jokingly shook his head, “Wow.”

The interviewer laughed, clearly basking in all that content, “So we take it as you like the look?”

Sassily, Chris scoffed, “Are you kidding me? I’m in love with her.”

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