#but don't bring that shit to my inbox or my ao3 comments

[buddie-buddie]

Buck drums his fingers anxiously on the steering wheel of his Jeep, his left knee bouncing as he waits out the red light in front of him. His shift ended half an hour ago, but the tension in his shoulders hasn’t budged. He thought the drive across town to Tommy’s would help— windows down, music blaring— but it’s done nothing to quiet the anxiety buzzing beneath his skin.

The light turns green, and Buck presses the gas pedal a little too hard, the Jeep lurching forward. Driving through the quiet, tree-lined streets of Tommy’s neighborhood usually settles him, quiets his mind in the way that only the promise of strong arms and that warm, familiar smile can. But tonight, even the hum of crickets and the soft glow of porch lights can’t soothe the unease twisting in his gut.

He pulls up in front of Tommy’s house and sits for a moment, his hands resting on the wheel. He stares at the front door, watching as a couple of moths flutter around the porch light Tommy always leaves on for him. It’s something so small, yet it hits him right in the chest every time. It makes Buck’s skin flood with warmth, makes those three little words rise in his chest until he can practically taste them on the back of his tongue.

In every other relationship, those words felt like a lifeline— something he had to cling to, something that had to be said and something that had to be heard, just to make sure he wasn’t standing on shaky ground. He found himself constantly waiting for that reassurance, always needing to feel wanted. Even when the words came, they didn’t bring the safe, steady feeling he was so desperate for. Instead, they left him restless, chasing a sense of belonging that slipped through his fingers, no matter how tightly he held on.

It’s different with Tommy.

He doesn’t feel rushed, doesn’t feel pressured. He doesn’t feel like there’s a countdown ticking in the background, waiting for the moment those words will finally fall from his lips or Tommy’s. He’s content to let it be what it is, for as long as it takes.

Because with Tommy, it doesn’t have to be said. He can feel it.

He hears it in the quiet moments that hang between them on slow mornings, when they’re curled up together in bed, limbs tangled beneath the sheets, the world outside forgotten. He feels it when they’re in the car together, when Tommy’s left hand rests on the steering wheel and his right hand settles on Buck’s thigh like it belongs there.

It’s in the small, thoughtful things— like the porch light, glowing softly and guiding him home. It’s in the way Buck’s favorite coffee quietly appeared in Tommy’s cabinets, how his fancy, hard-to-find body wash showed up on the ledge in Tommy’s shower one day.

It’s in the way Tommy leans in close, steadying him when his mind runs too fast, grounding him without a word. How he always remembers the little things— like Buck’s complicated coffee order from the cafe down the street from the loft, or how he always wakes up thirsty in the middle of the night. 

It’s in the glass of water that’s always on the nightstand next to Buck’s side of the bed. It’s in the feel of Tommy’s hand on the small of Buck’s back when they’re out, a touch that says I’m here without needing to say anything at all. How, when Buck has had a hard day, Tommy makes space— quiet, gentle space— for him to just be, without asking for anything in return.

It’s in those little moments, tucked away between heartbeats and breaths, where words aren’t needed. 

Tommy leaves the porch light on. And even if they haven’t said as much yet, it feels like love, all the same. 

Buck leans his head back against the headrest and closes his eyes for a second, exhaling slowly through his nose. The knot of unease in his chest hasn’t disappeared, not entirely, but it’s loosened just enough for him to get a deep breath and turn the engine off. 

He finally gets out of the car, grabbing his bag from the passenger seat. He walks up the path to the front door, the sound of his boots quiet against the brick. The porch light casts a warm glow over everything, and Buck finds himself smiling, just a little.

Before he can dig out the key Tommy gave him a few weeks ago, the door swings open, and there’s Tommy— hair mussed, barefoot, wearing one of his old threadbare t-shirts that’s too soft for its own good. Buck’s heart unclenches just a little. 

“Did they let you out early for good behavior?” Tommy says by way of greeting, his mouth curling into that little lopsided smirk Buck loves so much. He steps to the side, his back against the open door to let Buck through.

“Oh, you have no idea,” Buck mutters, pausing as he steps inside to meet Tommy’s lips in a soft kiss. While Gerrard didn’t technically let him out early, it was the first time in the last few weeks that he didn’t approach Buck in the last twenty minutes of the shift to saddle him with a ridiculously tedious task–– the kind that takes at least an hour–– and tell him he wasn’t to leave until it was finished. Which meant that Buck actually left the station on time for the first time in the better part of a month. 

“Hi, baby,” Tommy murmurs against Buck’s lips.

Buck exhales, the tension in his chest loosening just a bit as he leans into Tommy, chasing the kiss for a moment longer. His hands come to rest lightly on Tommy’s hips, grounding himself in the familiar feel of his steady, solid warmth.

“Hi,” he whispers back, his voice low and tired. He lingers there, forehead pressed gently against Tommy’s, letting the moment stretch between them. 

Tommy pulls back slightly, his thumb brushing along Buck’s jaw in a way that feels like both a comfort and a promise. “Rough shift?”

“Uh,” Buck toes his sneakers off, leaving them beside the door next to Tommy’s boots. “Weird one,” he says, trying and failing to suppress the weariness that pulls at the corners of his voice.

He lets his bag drop to the floor beside his shoes as Tommy turns to close the door with a quiet click. Buck watches as he locks up and flips the porch light off, a quiet confirmation of Buck’s suspicions that Tommy turns it on for him, a 60-watt beacon guiding him here, guiding him home.

The realization settles deep in Buck’s chest, spreading warmth through him like a slow-burning fire. He doesn’t think he’ll ever tire of being cared for like this— so subtly, so consistently, without any sort of fanfare or obligation. It’s not something he had to ask for or fight to get. It’s just here, waiting for him.

Buck swallows hard, the tight knot of exhaustion and frustration from his shift loosening just a little more. Tommy catches the look on Buck’s face, his expression softening as he steps back into Buck’s space.

“C’mon,” Tommy murmurs, his hand finding the small of Buck’s back, the same familiar touch that grounds him every time. 

Buck leans into the touch, letting Tommy steer him toward the couch. He slumps onto it, dropping his head into his hands with a low sigh. Tommy sits beside him, close enough that their knees bump, but doesn’t say anything else. He’s good at that— letting the silence sit until Buck is ready to speak.  

“Gerrard hugged me,” Buck blurts out, his hands tugging at his hair. 

Tommy goes still for a second, and then— “He hugged you?” There’s disbelief in his tone, and when Buck lifts his head to meet Tommy’s eyes, he sees that crooked smirk forming again, fighting to stay serious.

“That’s not even the worst part,” Buck mutters, voice tight with frustration. “He— He told me he’s gonna take me ‘under his wing.’” He tears his hand from his hair long enough to make air quotes around Gerrard’s words.

Tommy blinks. Then snorts.  

“Under his wing?” Tommy echoes. “That’s where all the love and joy of life go to die.”  

Buck huffs out a laugh. He leans back against the couch cushions, his hands falling to his lap. “You’re not helping.”  

“I’m not trying to help yet,” Tommy replies, smirking again. He nudges Buck’s knee with his own. “I’m trying to make you laugh so you don’t spiral. Looks like I’m halfway there.”  

Buck shakes his head, but the small smile pulls at the corner of his mouth anyway.  

“Okay, seriously,” Tommy continues, his voice softening. “What happened?”  

Buck sighs, letting his head fall back against the couch, eyes fixed on the ceiling. “I– I don’t know. He had us line up at the start of shift. Went down the line and was his… usual self to everyone else. And then he got to me and– and…” Buck’s voice trails off, discomfort curling in his gut as he relives the moment. “He– He told me I saved his life and then he hugged me.” He drags his hands down his face. “And now, suddenly, I’m his pet project.”  

Tommy’s brow furrows. “He really hugged you?”

Buck makes a sound somewhere between a groan and a laugh. “Yeah. A hug. Not, like, a friendly slap on the back, but a full-body, completely awkward, get-in-here-son hug. You should’ve seen everyone else’s faces. I thought Eddie was going to keel over.”  

Tommy lets out a low whistle, eyebrows raised. “That’s... something.” He leans back, resting an arm along the top of the couch behind Buck. His fingers slip into Buck’s hair, running through his curls as the silence hangs between them. Buck relaxes into the touch, tipping his head toward Tommy, leaning into the warmth and steadiness of his hand.

“Under his wing,” Buck mutters again, almost to himself. “I don’t even know what that means.”

“It means you’re officially his new favorite. Congratulations, babe. You’ve leveled up.”

“Oh, yeah. Lucky me,” Buck deadpans, dragging his hands down his face. “Just what I’ve always wanted—mentorship from a guy who makes my skin crawl.”

Tommy lets out a soft chuckle, his fingers still threading gently through Buck’s curls. The silence between them stretches, comfortable but charged, like Tommy is waiting, watching, reading Buck the way he always does. The humor fades from his face, replaced by something softer, more careful. “Okay,” Tommy murmurs after a moment, his fingers brushing lightly along the nape of Buck’s neck. “What’s really going on?”

Buck freezes for a second, caught between wanting to say it and wanting to shove it down. Tommy always has this way of coaxing things out of him without even trying. He approaches him with equal parts gentleness and insistence, like peeling back layers until Buck has no choice but to lay it all bare.

“It’s nothing,” Buck tries, voice thin.

“Evan.” Tommy’s voice is low, steady, patient. His thumb sweeps a slow circle against the back of Buck’s neck. “Talk to me.”

Buck blows out a breath, frustrated more with himself than anything. He leans forward, elbows on his knees, running a hand through his hair as if it might shake the thoughts loose.

“I don’t even know that I meant to save him,” Buck admits, his voice tight. “I can’t... I can’t tell if I pushed him because I heard the blade, or if I just— snapped.”

Tommy stays quiet for a beat, letting the weight of Buck’s words settle between them. His hand doesn’t leave the back of Buck’s neck, fingers still working in soothing circles. “Maybe it’s both.”

“Both?” Buck glances at him, brow furrowed. 

“Yeah.” Tommy shrugs, his expression steady but kind, his gaze warm with quiet understanding. “You’re not exactly known for your patience, Evan. But that doesn’t mean your instincts aren’t solid. Maybe you snapped, and maybe you also saved his miserable life at the same time. Those things don’t cancel each other out.”  

Buck lets the words sink in, his jaw tightening as he rolls them over in his mind. He exhales slowly, the tight knot in his chest loosening just a bit. “I– I don’t know. I keep thinking, what if– what if it wasn’t instinct? What if it was just... me losing control?”

Tommy’s thumb strokes a slow path along the back of Buck’s neck, and he leans in even closer, their foreheads almost touching. “You’re human,” Tommy says, his voice gentle. “You get angry. You hit your limit. But you wouldn’t have let him die, even if you wanted to knock his teeth out.”

Buck huffs out a wet laugh, shaky but real. “I definitely wanted to knock his teeth out.”

Tommy grins, brushing a kiss against Buck’s temple. “Rightfully so.”

Buck closes his eyes for a moment, letting himself sink into the warmth of Tommy’s presence, the steadiness of his voice, the way his hand stays firm and reassuring on the back of his neck.

“I just don’t want him anywhere near me,” Buck admits, well aware of how petulant and childish he sounds— and yet, he doesn’t care. Something about Tommy makes it easy for Buck to drop the mask he wears everywhere else, to let the frustration and helplessness spill out without fear of judgment. With Tommy, he doesn’t have to be composed or tough all the time; he can just be— messy, tired, and human. Tommy’s presence is like a safety net, one that will catch him no matter how ridiculous he sounds or how tangled his emotions get.

“I don’t know how I’m going to survive this,” Buck mumbles, scrubbing a hand over his face.

“You will,” Tommy says without hesitation. “Keep your head down, lean on all of us who’ve got your back, and wait him out. He's going to burn out or screw up sooner or later. You’ve just gotta outlast him.”  

Buck huffs a tired, bitter laugh. “I’m not good at keeping my head down.”

“I know,” Tommy murmurs, his lips brushing the top of Buck’s hair in a soft, steadying touch. “But you’re good at the important stuff— like saving people. Even assholes who don’t deserve it.”

Buck closes his eyes, leaning into Tommy, the familiar weight of his hand still resting on the back of Buck’s neck. The knot in his chest loosens just a little more, the tension in his shoulders easing just a bit under the warmth of Tommy’s words. “Yeah, well... maybe I’m getting tired of being good at that.”

Tommy’s arms tighten around him, pulling Buck closer. “That’s okay, too,” Tommy says simply. His voice is barely louder than a whisper, low and steady and full of quiet, unwavering conviction. “You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to carry all of it by yourself.”

Buck closes his eyes, sinking deeper into Tommy’s embrace. This time, when those three little words rest on the tip of his tongue, he doesn’t swallow them down. Even though he knows they won’t ever be enough, he can’t think of anywhere better to start. 

“I love you,” Buck whispers, the words slipping out like an exhale, simple and unforced.

For a moment, Tommy stays perfectly still, as if letting the words settle between them. Then, slowly, a smile curves against Buck’s temple. 

Tommy presses a kiss to the top of Buck’s birthmark, soft and reverent. “I love you, too.” 

And just like that, everything feels lighter. Not perfect. Not fixed. But it’s enough.

It’s quiet between them, the kind of silence Buck used to hate. The kind he used to scramble to fill with words, desperate to bridge the gaps. But here, in Tommy’s arms, the silence feels different. It feels easy. It feels safe. 

It feels like home.

also on ao3

[wolfstarlibrarian]

Re-posting fics: How not to be an asshole

I know, kind of salty for a heading, sorry, but we got some stuff to talk about. (Also, sorry I haven't been around as much but my life has been WONDERFULLY full, so thank you to everyone who's checked in. ❤️)

I've gotten a few asks in my inbox and I don't want to embarrass anyone and I also don't want to inadvertently give any future scoundrels and any tips.

"I love this fic but the author took it down, so I'm going to repost it on AO3, and just mention that I'm not the author"

NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT! *sprays you with water*

You have a copy of the fic. Kudos. But if they author wanted it on AO3 then IT WOULD BE ON AO3. Taking a fic not on A03 and putting it on A03 is a massive "fuck you!" to the author. The ultimate sign of disrespect to someone who put HOURS AND HOURS of work into their. FOR FREE. The LEAST we can do as fans is GIVE RESPECT.

Authors are not corporations. Authors are not sponsored. Authors are not "content creators". They are HOBBYISTS who are sharing their HOBBY with you.

Enjoy the fact that you have the fic.

If the author wanted it shared in ANY WAY they would put it back on A03.

Also I hate that I have to say this, but this same logic goes for Wattpad, Goodreads, Fanfiction.net, PDFs on reddit, and every site ever. Please stop.

"But no one is getting hurt"

Many authors took down work because they don't want their art mined by AI and you're putting it back up for AI.

Many authors took down their work as a rebellion against JKR and you're spitting in their face while they're trying to protest something.

Many authors took down their work because they're trying to pitch it as a book and they can't because agents and publishers search for the phrases and go "Well this exact story is already up for free and it's got gross, X-rated material I didn't see in my draft, so I'm definitely not giving them a book deal now". Congrats, now you'll never get a published and bound copy of your favorite fic.

Many authors took down their work because they are no longer proud of their work and they've grown as an artist and having the work up brings them daily shame, but you put it back up anyway.

Many authors took down their work for reasons that WE WILL NEVER KNOW and it's still our place to respect that.

Look, I support piracy. Corporations don't let us own anything anymore, so pirating isn't even stealing. But fanfic authors are not corporations. And you can't own a fic that isn't yours.

These authors have NOTHING but control over their work and you are stealing that. You are ruining their art, after they made it for you, for free.

If you love something, respect it.

I know you think you're helping fans by reposting a fic but I can't tel you how many authors I know that no longer post their fics BECAUSE THEY KNOW PEOPLE WILL STEAL THEM.

Reposting fanfics is killing fandom.

What do you do as a fan when you see reposted fanfics?

If you can, find and tell the author so they can take legal action.

Bully the author. Respond to every single comment on A03 and tell them exactly why the fic shouldn't be online, and why they shouldn't be supporting the non-author who published the fic without the author's consent

Go to the re-poster's social media and spread the word there. IDC anymore.

Talk about it with your friends and in servers. Every time you see someone asking for "PDFs of a fic" on tiktok go ape shit in the comments and get all your friends to help.

Okay, rant done. And remember, if you feel powerless, you will always have the power fanfic authors. You're part of this community. Your value and actions matter.

[jesterboystrick]

Tagged by @ghost-maya to answer 20 questions for fic writers.

I was honestly tagged in this way too long ago, started answering a few questions, then forgot about it in my drafts forever until Maya just tagged me in ANOTHER fic tag game. So, now I have to post this one so THAT one can waste away in my drafts for a while instead, obviously.

Y'all get ready, I'm about to ramble more than necessary on some of these because I love to talk. May not seem like it from how little I post here, but oh boy I'm a talker.

how many works do you have on ao3?

41, which is too fucking many considering I only started in august 😂

what's your total ao3 word count?

113,710

what are your top five fics by kudos?

1. With Hearts in His Eyes (in progress ZoSan multi-chap) 2. Dressed Down (ZoSan) 3. What Happens in the Timeskip, Stays in the Timeskip (ZoSan) 4. A Different Sensation (ZoSanZo) 5. Incentive (SanZo) What's really interesting to me is that my top by hits look the same, except A Different Sensation is replaced with Melt. Melt being in my top 5 hits has baffled me since it made it up there a while ago. I mean, I love that, but I'm shocked that a rarer pair beat out 14 zsz fics for the 4th spot. Shouts out to the CrocSan enjoyers I guess! Glad y'all enjoy it.

what fandoms do you write for?

One Piece. I write whatever I get ideas for, so I technically have some wips for other things, but I don't intend to post any of those and haven't worked on anything non-One Piece since I started posting... except a oneshot I just started recently... you might see that one day if I finish it, but maybe not. Don't worry about it.

do you respond to comments? why or why not?

Yup! No real "why." Sometimes a handful of them build up in my inbox before I get around to answering them, but I just like saying at least a thank you for every comment.

what's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Was the All Blue Ever Real? probably. I feel like a lot of my other dark or angsty fics have something that brings the angst up a little by the end, like All That's Left and Scum, since they end with a bit of comfort, and ones like Raw Deal DO end decidedly bad for at least one involved party, but I think of those as way more whump than angst, if that distinction matters here. You Stifle Me, I Suffocate might be up there, but it doesn't quite have a real ending. Since all of it is just Sanji remembering something from his childhood, the ending is just "and then One Piece happens". More... sour tasting ending than clear cut angst. So, all that said, quantifying the angstiEST fic ending is a bit weird, but I'll go with Was the All Blue Ever Real? since it's just kinda bleak all the way around, haha. It's also a more... mundane angst, if that makes sense? No one's getting devil fruit tortured or anything, shit just sucks. Is Scum angstier though, despite the bit of comfort at the end? 🤷‍♂️ Idk, you tell me.

what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

😂😂😂 I don't really set out to write happy endings, at least not intentionally. Sometimes they do happen to me, but my plot based stuff usually isn't overwhelmingly happy, so the happiest ending so far is probably by default just something that's more smut focused. I guess... What Happens in the Timeskip, Stays in the Timeskip.

do you get hate on fics?

Not yet! The worst I've gotten is one or two comments that were just... a little hard to decipher. They could be, or could not be, lol 🤷‍♂️. There's one in particular that comes to mind that I genuinely can't tell if it was meant to be positive or negative, so in my mind, it's just neutral. 🤣

do you write smut?

Hahaha. Yeah.

do you write crossovers?

Nope. I'll never say never to just about anything, because who knows what I'll feel like writing in the future, but crossovers have never appealed to me much as a reader or writer. Technically, there's been a few times I've started just a little bit of one, but not seriously, more as just a fun little exercise to entertain myself for a single quick writing session, then immediately forget about.

have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge, and I sure hope not.

have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope.

have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Not yet, but I'm not opposed to it! Never done any cowritting, so I don't know how well I do in that sort of situation, but there's a few fic writer friends I could picture myself trying it out with some day if we ever felt drawn to the right idea for it together.

what's your all time favorite ship?

I really don't know. There is no one favorite ship for me. I could tell you what ships I think about the most at any given time, but that changes so frequently that the answer would be different if you asked me again in a week. Easy cop-out way to answer this: If I check my fic reading spreadsheet that I started at the beginning of January, DofCora is the ship I've read the most of so far this year. Make of that what you will 🤣

what's the wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Considering I have probably around 300 things in my One Piece wip folder (not an exaggeration, I don't have an exact count rn, but it's for sure around there at this point in time), there's plenty of answers to this, but to pick something specific, any of my super long aus. I have several au ideas/wips that are basically "rewriting all of One Piece" type aus, and realistically I'm never posting ANY OF THEM. I know that. I only even let myself delusionally pretend i might ever get around to finishing ONE. A few of my faves are a strawhat role swap au, an au that changes all the strawhat's backstories pretty drastically, and the pro wrestling au. I wish all three of those could be epic length masterworks that retell all of One Piece, because that's how I initially envisioned them, but it's just never going to happen. There's a few of those big fic ideas that I might cut up into the more manageable or best parts and post isolated scenes of some day, but I know none of them will ever get written in their entirety and that's a bummer. The pro wrestling au is the one out of the aus I mentioned that I most want to make work, somehow, some way, some day, but we'll see if it ever shakes out.

what are your writing strengths?

Starting things. I have ideas constantly and I start new wips multiple times a week, sometimes multiple times a day.

what are your writing weaknesses?

Finishing things. I have ideas constantly and I'm always starting new wips. I can't finish them all.

I know these last two questions probably mean more the writing itself, not the process of writing, but I honestly don't really know. It feels a bit lame and too broad to say that I feel like I'm good a dialogue and not as good at anything that comes between, but I don't even know if that's true of my writing on it's own, or just an indication of where my priorities lie and what I'm most focused on and interested in when doing the writing. I've gotten a few comments on how I write characters, saying that they feel in character or very "human," and that certain scenarios or the way characters react to them (particularly on darker fics) are very real or realistic, and I think about those comments a lot. I really appreciate and treasure them. So if you believe those comments, I suppose that might be my strength, which isn't at odds with my feeling that dialogue is something that comes more naturally to me. I imagine they're probably connected.

thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I wouldn't do it. I'm not opposed to the idea of it, but I wouldn't do it myself because I'm only fluent in English and have no way of ensuring that I'd be writing something accurately or comprehensibly on my own. If I ever felt a fic absolutely needed it for some reason, I would ask someone fluent in that language to help or I just wouldn't do it at all.

first fandom you wrote for?

Something related to DC Comics, for sure.

favorite fic you've ever written?

Similarly to my answer on favorite ships, I really don't have just one favorite fic. It changes too often to say, and I tend to have a recency bias for newly posted fics or ones I've reread recently. I'd say that since the start of this year, my fave posted fic of mine has cycled most often between Every Time You Kiss Me, I Could Cry, Scum, and Raw Deal, but a good 1/2 to 2/3rds of my posted fics have been my favorite at one point or another, if only for a few days in some cases.

tagging

As always, I don't really know who to tag, so if you see this and want to do it, consider yourself tagged.

[zettychez]

I need to prove a point ma'am @loquarocoeur

Who is my Favorite Drive?

I feel like I don't have a specific favorite driver. I have a select group of drivers that I cheer for but at the moment the driver that I want to win so much would be between Oscar P Leclerc and Charles Leclerc.

Do you have other favorite drivers?

I started out loving Max Verstappen because he was winning so much in 2023 and Charles Leclerc because of the lore he had with Max. I got attached to Oscar because it was his rookie year and it was my first year watching F1 and who was this child with floppy hair and didn't give two shits. I love old man Fernando because he truly is that uncle who is trying to keep up with times with his TikTok account.

Who is your least Favorite Driver?

I am a hater to the core and can admit I am not the biggest fan of Lando Norris but even I can say that man is getting done dirty by his team to an extent.

Do you pull for drivers or do you like teams as well?

Hmmm nahh I pull for drivers. I can't even say I ride or die for some of these drivers because lets be honest they have said some questionable things and have shook hands with questionable people.*cough* Mclaren.

At the end of the day these teams are corporations that really only care about money no matter how they get it.

If you like teams what teams do you pull for?

I'm gonna be honest redbull rubs me the wrong way.

How long have you been into F1?

I would have to say since Zandervoot 2023 last year.

What got you into F1?

I was flipping through netflix because I was so bored and found DTS. Because I will always go looking to see if there is any good fanfic I went into Ao3. From Ao3 I actually wanted to watch a race because I have never actually been interested in a sport because and wanted to give it a shot. Funnily enough I actually got super into it and would find myself getting up super early to watch the races and actually keep up with the news. I actually never finished DTS after season 4.

Then I found tumblr and here we are.

Do you enjoy fic/rpf?

I don't write it but I love to read it. I really love to read how everyone interprets what they see or feel about a specific situation in a sport.

How do you view new fans?

This is my first season in f1 that I actually started so I still consider myself a new fan. However I do enjoy the enthusiasm new fans and myself bring to the sport. I love discovering new perspective to the sport and even when there are opposing views I love the community F1 brings in a way. I find it distasteful to discourage new fans because some people want to gatekeep F1 which really sucks.

If you could take over as a team principal for any team, who would it be and why?

I would probably want to take over Red Bull because I would want to fire Helmet Marko, that man just gives the creeps and the comments he has made are just flabbergasting to me.

Are your friends and family into F1?

Hmmmm one of my sisters thinks the drivers are very attractive and will listen to me talk just for the sake of it. My dad to this day says that every race is bought and it doesn't matter who I support because as he said it's already bought. I managed to get my 14 year old niece into F1 and she is a carlos sainz supporter. Beggars can't be choosers. I am slowly getting my other 8 month old nieces indoctrinated, I mean get her into liking F1. My fiends actually don't really care about F1 but when I talk about it they will listen because I tend to yap without regard.

Are you open to talking to other fans/making friend?

I am yes, I love talking to other F1 fans and just yapping about the sport or even about certain ships in the sport. At the moment I will always yap about lestappen to other mutuals. I sometimes forget I have messages in my inbox and or I don't exactly know tumblr etiquet like how much yapping is enough or too much? I am still navigating how to make friends on tumblr and still be respectful to their privacy and time and not overwhelm people at time.

I will tag @souvenir116

Darcy you were the first mutual I actually talked to and who I still love yapping with when we have time.

[chershare]

People really don't give a shit anymore, huh

This new app thing that takes Ao3 works without consent? It's basically another AI scraping BS thing and that is so disheartening.

Why should I have to opt out of this? Why should I have to take extra steps to stop someone from potentially stealing my shit, when it's not even an app that we - the writers - asked for? Why do I have to give you access to my personal email to make sure you don't use my things, sans consent, in your app I'm never going to use? That people who respect the efforts of fic writers won't use?

Why must I tell you no, explicitly, or you think that means yes? Rather than it be automatically opted out and you have to opt in?

Consent is sexy, guys. What are we doing here? Why have we forgotten that?

Why is this something you - the general you - think is okay?

If it were like, a text to speech add-on thing for Ao3 that I could opt into that would be different. Another box to click because it was added to the website. Why not make something that can be integrated into the site itself that does tts?

I'm not trying to pile on work to the Ao3 team, they are amazing and I salute them, but if there was something as a part of the site that you could use as a registered user to have tts involved I'd totally partake. Why make it something entirely outside of our scope that we only learn about via word of mouth like this?

If I wanted my shit used by a third party that doesn't care about me and my efforts, I'd put them on a third party site.

Just as I was considering unlocking my fics, too. Nope, locked Forever. Goodbye Guest Comments and Kudos.

If shit like this keeps popping up with such frequency... the esama purge of the old days is starting to look mighty enticing. The lack of appreciation for the writing and art that has been shared, without profit to the creators, is really coming to a head. Like, you know we don't have to do this right? We don't have to share the things we make with you?

It's not a right, it's a privilege.

That's not even bringing into light the disrespect it shows for podficcers, which I am not, of course. But the effort and time these people put into recording fic so that people can listen to it? That's hard shit guys. People have podded my own works sometimes - I have a blanket permission for podfic/translations in my profile as long as it's through Ao3 and appropriately linked - and it always feels so awe inspiring that someone liked my fic enough to decide to put in the effort to pod it.

Podficcers are a different breed, and they are so cool you guys. Also terrifying, but like. Super cool.

I don't want to disappear my works. I like sharing my writing, I like seeing kudos in my inbox, I like discussing my stuff with people in my discord server or in the comments section when I have the spoons. I like the increasingly rare but desperately appreciated comments in my inbox that come in.

I just updated something and now I'm worried about how this will effect my future desire to do so, my anxiety hitting the roof. Should I keep posting? Should I just say "fuck it" and yank everything now so I know it might not be stolen in the future because the internet is a fucking cesspit of thievery and entitlement now?

Probably got kind of ranty, but like, come on guys. Why? Why do people think this is okay?

I'm sure more will come to light later, but for now I just wanted to get this off my chest.

[theharrowing]

My favorite fic of yours - Collateral

My favorite chapter in my favorite fic of yours - Yoongi, Namjoon, and mc from Collateral lol

The best character you've written for - your Yoongi and your Namjoon have honestly spoilt other Yoongi and Namjoon for me. in all your fics but HELLO Collateral.

The best ship you've written for - NAMGI NAMGI NAMGI *foaming at the mouth kicking screaming dying* NAMGI. and also yoonmin.

A fic I haven't read yet from you, but I want to - i have not caught up on the Halloween fics or the Carnival story but i will soon i promise you.

Something I remember vividly from reading one of your fics - i actually screamed when Yoongi from Collateral whipped out cocaine and snorted it. never have i ever seen a character do cocaine and i was like wow this bitch is serious about mafic shit ok ok ok i see i see.

What made me the most emotional after reading - THE FUCKING PARIS CHAPTER OF COLLATERAL. but also One Day At A Time had me like eating my pillowcase while sobbing.

What I like the most about your writing - uhhh do you have all day? because i don't even know how to sum it up but. i love your descriptions and your plot twists so much. your characters are so 100,000 dimensional and your fascination with smell is so interesting. like what is it like to live inside your nose?

A fic i'm excited for you updating/posting - C O L L A T E R A L

A character/ship I didn't enjoy/think about as much before you wrote about them - i have always loved them all but i am obsessed with your namgi and to be honest i think you've ruined them for me like other authors just don't do it justice (no offense other authors)

Something I wish/hope you write - whatever you want to.

A fic of yours that i've re-read - i have re-read Collateral chapters an insane number of times and i do not intend to ever slow down.

If i've ever shared/talked about your fic to someone else - i have one of my coworkers reading Collateral and she is also in love with you and might be screaming in your ao3 inbox.

A fic I didn't expect to like so much - i expect only the best from my quing (queen/king)

A question I have about one of your fics - so you have posted many times in the past about how fics always get a mind of their own and the directions always change. what is 1 or 3 things about Collateral that you had planned but over time it changed?

this is a lot and i am not sorry because you are amazing and i want you to know how much i love you and your work. (also today i had some ice cream and i thought about the chapter of Collateral because that is how deep the worms have burrowed into my brain.)

ANON OH MY GOSH HELLO!!!!!!!!!!! wow wow!!!

thank you so much for loving Collateral so much. and namgi. i also love namgi and i also foam at the mouth. they bring the woof woof bark bark bark out in me like no other. also i fucking snort laughed at "and also yoonmin" LMAOOO.

someone else commented on how they were shocked Collateral characters did hard drugs like cocaine. and then i was shocked, because i just assumed that was what mafia dudes do??? (to be fair, i also don't really watch/read mafia media hahaha including fanfics.)

Collateral chapter 16 and One Day at a Time both also had me feeling quite emotional (for many different reasons.) 💔💜💜

i'm honored that you enjoy my descriptions and my 100,000D characters!!! 🥰 that's so kind. and yeah, i'm so fucking smell-sensitive, it is honestly a curse. but it is a sense that i think about a lot. i have allergies too, so living in my nose would not be fun!!!

yay to the coworker reading Collateral!!! how exciting!!!!!!!!! i hope they are having a blast, and they are definitely welcome to scream at me!!! thank you so much for turning someone irl onto the fic! 😍😍😍

MY QUING 💀💀💀 i love it lmaoooo!!! 👑

okay WOOF, i am going to answer the things that have changed over the course of Collateral question under the cut, in case of spoilers. but before i do...

👉 talk to me, anons! 💌

ok, step into my office for more Collateral Chat™...

ok ok, so the main thing is that Namjoon was not supposed to get all squishy and fall in love and all that shit. idk how it devolved so quickly, but he was only supposed to be around for a quick fuck sometimes. instead, i made him so emotionally intelligent and soft.............haha i still kick myself about it sometimes.

he actually has a code name The Dragon in my outline that was going to be actually utilized after the ice cream museum shakedown date, and i completely forgot about it. we were going to see the lethal side of him. we still may in the sequel, because i really liked the idea of him also being a bit of a monster (as we have seen glimpses of.)

i was going to have a scene where mc walks over to Namjoon's house and watches him exit his home holding a woman's hand, and then kiss her goodbye before she gets into her car. mc was gonna be like wtf?! and he was gonna be like "what? we just fuck; it's not a big deal." (and that person was gonna be soyoon bc smoke sprite came out and i am a useless bisexual lmaooooo.) but then they fell in love so much that by the time that chapter (20!) came around, it didn't fit anymore (so i had Namjoon just go be emo at home instead.)

i wasn't planning on Jungkook x mc getting involved but readers seemed to really be gunning for it, so i decided to include it. that gave us a much softer side of Taehyung that i was not planning on letting mc see. and because of these relationships and mc's proximity to Paradise has changed a lot, which will change some plans i had for the sequel (including new characters i wasn't sure about adding.) but that's all i can say about that. 🤐🤐🤐

hehehe THANK YOU SO MUCH for such a thorough response (to every question!!!!!) i appreciate it so, so much. you really have no idea how much it means to me. 💜💜💜 your love of Collateral and my namgi makes me feel so thrilled and honored and privileged to write for you!!!

[mocacheezy]

Wanted to make a seperate post for this, because this stuff will go under a readmore. (damn it got long)

Added my two cents on this post, but here is what I do when I do have the energy leave comments on fics (and some extra thoughts on my kudoses):

Comments

There is such delight when I find a fic that I have to write my thoughts down while reading, because I love to scream my joy @ the author in the comment once I am done with the chapter/fic itself.

And hopefully by the time I reach the end of the chapter I can calm down enough to actually write something coherent aside from screaming and keysmashing.

Some fics get me that excited!

Some fics I had to put down while reading, so I could pace around the room, because the possibilities for where the situation could go are ENDLESS!

Some fics I've put down and picked up MONTHS later, because a chapter was just so good and made me feel SO MUCH, I was unable to read further!

There are fics I forgot about and returned to years later and was DELIGHTED to see them finished or still going (there was this one back on fanfiction.net that I adored with all my heart, and I plan on checking out what happened to it. The author went on a break around the time another fandom took my attention, but the fic was so good I still remember it from time to time. It made my life more than just bearable, it made me laugh to tears at some points. )

When a fic gets me that excited, I noticed I tend to either comment short excited comments before nyooming to the next chapter, or read all of it over a course of a couple of days, gather my thoughts and leave an almost essay long comment, because the whole fic was just so good and I want to say it all in one place!

There were a couple of fics that I actually WANTED to write essays on, because I appreciate the authors writting style so so so much! For some I still do, because holy hell, the writing and characterization is great, while ALSO gives us things canon/source material didn't explore. But, if I do that, I wanna do it good because KUDOS TO THE WRITERS!

There are also fics that have me grinning and commenting on what's happening outloud, but there isn't really that many questions popping up for me.

It's the delighted gasp and a "Bitch, you said WHAT? 8D".

It's the "Ohohohooooo this is going to h u r t".

It's the grimace or a snort of "You fucking bastard, I knew he was planning something."

With fics like that, I can sit still or do something that isn't too demanding attention wise.

It's relaxing. It's nice, it let's my usually very active and overwhelmed brain rest, WHILE ALSO giving me serotonin and the excitement/feels, but on a smaller scale.

With fics like this (especially one shots), I tend to leave shorter comments, because if I want to comment, but don' t have much to say, I'll still comment and tell what the fic made me feel.

"I liked/loved/really enjoyed this fic, it had me experience x"

Because I do like it! And so far almost every fic I read gets atleast one kudos because this stuff is so good and the authors are amazing.

I just don't have much to say at that moment. Or what I want to comment is missing something and feels too flat to me.

If I know I'll want to reread a fic, I usually bookmark it and write down some highlights/what I liked about it/make a comment of its own in the bookmark! Because looking at older bookmarks/bookmarks from a fandom you are no longer involved with can bring back quite the laughter... AND get you back into the fandom even!

Reading fics is supposed to be a thing you enjoy. If you are starting to dread it because you feel obligated to say something, hey.

Take a step back for a while. This kind of fear happened to me at some point when I was younger, especially when I started interacting with active content creators. They appreciate comments and those comments help so much when an obstacle presents itself and it seems like abandoning a story will be it. Comments and encouragment bring back the fire and joy of writing.

There is a comment I have yet to reply to, that's been sitting in my Ao3 inbox for 160 days (ALMOST 6 MONTHS, MOCA, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND REPLY ALREADY!).

It's from an author who really wasn't feeling motivated and the comment brought them such joy and excitement!

Why is it taking me so long to reply?

I never expect/wait for a reply from authors. ESPECIALLY not if it's a fic that's older (there are some amazing fics that were posted in 2013!!! Who knows if the author is still active in the fandom!*), or if it's an ongoing one that gets alot of comments. In the second case, it's because the author is already writing the fic, editing said fic and uploading it, could also be working on a bunch of different fics (because writting inspiration strikes at the weirdest of moments and as someone who has around 4fic ideas happening simultaniously, people who ACTUALLY WRITE THEM? Kudos. You are amazing.), not to mention most fic authors do this in their free time. So there's also their jobs, social circle outside the internet, on the internet and the amount of energy they have for social interaction with strangers online. Who am I to expect a reply to that behemot of a comment I left on their fic? If it made them happy, great! If it made them go "woah, that's alot of words" *shrugs*, eh. I am a rambler, it's what I do, if they like it they like it, if they don't they don't. Not much i can do about that, though I did leave a note on my ao3 profile that they can contact me if long comments/ramblings annoy them, so I can stay off their comment section and scream about my love for their works somewhere else. Noone has asked me to stop as of yet, but I like to offer just in case.

Most of my comments are actually posted as if I was at cafe or a restaurant, and was offered the Book of Complaints, Suggestions and Compliments/Thanks.

Complaints? I don't have complaints to leave, because it's my decision on what content I consume, and if I don't like it, I can always search for something else.

And if I didn't read the tags? Well, that's on me. That's like ordering a new dish when you have a food allergy, not reading the provided and highlighted allergen notes and warning, and then screaming at the staff when your food arrives. It's not THEIR job to know what kind of allergies their customers have. It's the customers.

Suggestions? Is the author asking for those? If not, no suggestions from me! If they do ask, and I don't have an answer I usually take some time to see if I have anything to offer.

Compliments/Thanks. That is the thing I love and what I click the comment box for. If a fic made me FEEL something, I will let the author know.

Do you know how amazing it is to read a fic and sit staring off into space after you finish it because "woah... that. That made me feel so much at once that I can't even name it." ?

When you read a crackfic, and keep snickering and chuckling, before you finally burst out in laughter or wheezing or snorting with tears in the corners of your eyes because "OH THIS GOLD, I haven't laughed like this in a while!" ?

When you read angst that tugs at your heartstrings and causes actual tears to run down your face and feel the anguish the characters feel?

When you read angst, but the story has a happy ending? Any you get to see the characters claw their way towards it, and actually reach it?

When you read hurt/comfort and there is that gentle care and love and safety that makes your heart melt?

When you read a fic that feels like sitting by a window with a cup of warm coffee while relaxing music plays? (this last one is becoming my favourite of them all and is actually the one I struggle to comment on the most.)

There is such a variety of works out there! So many talented and amazing writers, with their AUs and a billion different ways of writing!

3. I am a very forgetful person, who has to check her inbox more often. Plain and simple. Nothing more to it.

4. Some of these authors write back such lovely comments that make me smile everytime I open my inbox. I think I might make a scrapbook of some sort, to keep track of them, because getting the feedback of "HEY YOUR COMMENT MADE ME HAPPY/EXCITED!" or "I really appreciated this comment, thank you." makes me smile. ^u^

Seriously fic authors are amazing, and this is why "Kudos to them." has become a thing I say irl as well, and in any conversation where someone creating a thing is brought up. I may not know or have a strong opinion on the stuff someone enjoys creating, or have nothing to really say, so "Woah, Kudos to them." is my way of saying "I admire their work (but don't have anything else to say about it)."

Learning it means Glory? Hell yes, those works are worthy of praise,and the authors really are glorious.

So here's where that lovely button comes in.

Kudos

I use the kudos button both when I have a comment to write and when I don't. I spam that button when I like something so much words fail me, and I click it when a fic reads like I have just finished a cup of coffee.

If I use the cafe/restaurant thing I talked about before as an example, leaving a kudos, to me, is like giving a smile or replying to the waiter with "It was great." when they asked if you enjoyed it.

I enjoyed it, but I don't have anything else to say.

Maybe it was just an interesting read, even if not to my usual tastes. It might get a kudos.

And if I read something that I thought I would like but it turned out I didn't like it or I felt meh abput it?

Well, *shrugs* well.

I don't have anything nice to say, and I probably won't read stuff from that author. There are others who will and others who will leave a kudos.

I don't think much about it because I read fics for fun.

I ramble about them because I am having fun and finally know I can share my experience with others.

You guys have probably seen the "Holy shit two cakes!" comic, which was originally about how artists/writers feel bad when creating something with a concept that many other more skilled creators used.

I remember that comic at some point also being used to explain that "It really sucks when you bake a cake, but noone wants to eat it."

I can't speak as a writer, because I don't post the fics I daydream about (yet! I don't post them yet!), but here's a little thing my daydreamer self likes to think.

I baked my cake, and I can eat it too, but I hope the cafe I frequent has something similar too.

Translated?

I wanted to read a fic like this, I made a fic with the idea I wanted, I enjoyed the process and the result, but I sure do hope someone else also makes a similar fic in the future.

I do however mostly daydream my fic ideas. So again. These are just my thoughts on the whole thing that is Comment > Kudos/Like > Reading > Not Reading