#but for me. that may be the reason why i’d eat them

[chevelleneech]

Are You Sure? - Ep8

Here are my thoughts now that I finally watched the episode (I was at work all day, anon, lol).

I honestly don’t have too too many, because my main takeaway was that they seemed to have truly needed these trips together. They knew by Jeju they’d be enlisting together, so I feel like any thoughts I had about the trips being a sort of last hurrah before potentially being separated go out the window.

They knew they’d be together, so barring them being romantically involved in some way… I kind of don’t get the point of the series.

Had this been a special involving other members, then it being work related would make sense. Had this been more like the Jeju episodes where they weren’t as laid back, I’d get it, but it wasn’t. Five out of eight episodes focused on them not doing much else other than simply spending time together. Sight seeing and going out to eat, with a sprinkle of activities. We saw them shopping for food and driving more than anything else, but for some reason they both still say the whole experience and filming of the series was the best thing they’ve gotten to do.

That to me, and I say this with full honesty, does not make sense to me, if they’re strictly platonic. I don’t know, episode eight sees them putting a certain level of importance on these trips that many antis wanted to rip away, and surely they knew that. They know what people think about them in their own fandom, both for the better and the worse, and they didn’t care. Which, good for them.

Moving away from my confusion in an attempt to find another explanation, I also think their joint melancholy about having to leave triggered the dropping of their guards a little bit. Add that to them drinking some, and their whole reaction moment felt almost intrusive to see, lol. They kept gravitating toward each other the entire time, only for the editors to skip to them sitting back up with more space between them. Nevermind the footsie and Jimin walking by the room they were shown going to bed in, when he said he was going to wake JK up.

So unless Jungkook was already up and in the shower or something, which they conveniently didn’t mention despite doing it every other time… they either didn’t sleep in the room with the camera or JK moved rooms. But again, given they gave us updates about every other sleeping arrangement or change, why would their last night be different if nothing happened? (By “nothing” I genuinely mean I think they moved to a different room without a camera, likely to talk or simply be closer. Not necessarily sex, because again, I don’t see them going there with a house full of staff.)

Pure speculation of course, lol, but yeah. Those moments made me feel a little like, okay, they did this with the intent of making memories. They may have wanted to cement who they are to each other in this moment, because no matter how optimistic they were that things wouldn’t change and their friendship would be solid, no one can predict the future.

Couple that with them both starting Ep1 saying they hadn’t seen each other and Jimin not being sure (no pun intended) the trip was a good idea in the first place, to them ending Ep8 saying they didn’t want it to be over and spent the last few days happy… it’s a big deal, I think. Especially with how many times they spent their last day in Sapporo taking about how romantic and pretty everything was.

Per the words from their own mouths, they created a small, romantic, nice, and happy bubble they didn’t want to leave, and I love that for them. They got to be happy and cared for by one another, and want to spend many more years to come doing the same thing. I hope they get that.

Oh and final thought… I want that house! Their final Sapporo house was beautiful, as was the town. It felt like a holiday special!

[thedevilspearl]

asking them stupid questions — all brothers

a/n: having a hard time writing smut atm so here’s some silly headcanons with the brothers. i was really tired when i proofread this so there may be some mistakes.

tags: 2k words, no gender specified, reader x lucifer, mammon, leviathan, satan, asmodeus, beelzebub + belphegor. (belphie’s is a little suggestive).

𝐋𝐔𝐂𝐈𝐅𝐄𝐑

lucifer has had enough.

it’s been a long day and he wished for a quiet night in his office to relax with some tea while overlooking the bills his brothers have riled up.

but he’s quite distracted tonight.

peace and quiet is not an option. especially with you loitering, floating around his office and touching all the trinkets and décor. you’ve never shown interest in them before, but tonight, all of a sudden lucifer’s office is the most inviting place in the world.

“mc?”

“yes, honey?”

“is something the matter.”

there is a painstakingly long silence before you answer. “….no.”

letting out a little sigh, he asks, “are you quite sure?”

you hum with a subtle nod, barely looking him in the eye and he is now certain something is wrong.

“mc, please. if you aren’t feeling well, you can tell me about it. you don’t need to make this difficu—”

“would you still love me if i was a worm?”

“what?” lucifer’s voice croaks.

“it’s just that i felt sad thinking about how you might not love me anymore if one day i turned into a worm and couldn’t turn back into me.”

“mc, in what world would you ever turn into a worm?”

“most likely this one. remember that time mammon accidentally turned me into a sheep in spells class? i was cute as a sheep, so it was okay. but as a worm, i’d be small and slimy and gross. i’d be unloveable.”

“that is enough,” he rises from his chair, speaking with command but still gentle enough to not upset you further. “you shouldn’t think of such things. it is so silly of you to think i would ever stop loving you.”

“luci….”

“if i must spell it out for you, then yes. i would still love you if you were a worm and i would carry you everywhere with me to ensure you’re never lost or hurt. i would need something small and protective to carry you in, but yes. i will always love you.”

𝐌𝐀𝐌𝐌𝐎𝐍

“if there was a zombie apocalypse and i was bitten, what would you do?”

“hah?!” mammon’s face contorts at your random question. “what are ya talking about?”

“i’ve been thinking about that movie we watched….the zombie one. and just wondered what it would be like.”

“gave up on surviving already, did ya?” he chuckles, collapsing onto his bed beside you, his hand resting on your waist.

“no, but i wanna know! what would you do if i turned into a zombie?”

“well….what are the options?” his smirk earns him a playful smack on the chest. “hey! i’m serious. i’ll be so sad that i won’t be able to think straight, so ya need to give me some options.”

“fine,” you pout, scratching your brain for solutions. “i suppose the most humane thing to do would be to kill me. you know, to make sure i’m not forced to live as a mindless zombie eating other humans.”

“okay….”

“or you could tie me up, maybe chain me, and keep me alive by feeding me living people.”

“why would i keep ya around if you’re gonna stink like a rotting corpse?”

while mammon laughs, your brows furrow with annoyance, mostly feigned but there’s a small sense of hurt in there when you think about mammon not wanting to keep you after you turn into a zombie, despite it being completely logical and reasonable.

“hey,” his voice is soft as he leans over and kisses your cheek, “don’t worry. i’d handcuff us together and let you bite me. then we can be zombies together and never be separated.”

𝐋𝐄𝐕𝐈𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐍

movie night always means one thing, and that’s you and levi curling up with tangled limbs and a hoard of cushions and blankets. a joint blanket burrito with little space between you but that’s a good thing.

the closeness makes it cosier.

tonight, you opted for a more emotional movie. a romance, but romances are always emotional for both of you. that’s why you try your best to stay away from the romantic movies and stick to action packed fantasies or sci-fi’s that are the furthest thing from romance.

but there was a new and popular movie making the headlines and levi couldn’t wait to watch it. you knew watching it was a lost hope, and now you’re sobbing in levi’s arms watching the struggles the love interests are going through to get to each other.

“i’m so glad it wasn’t that difficult for us to be together,” you sniffle, feeling a wave of gratitude take over. “i love you, levi.”

“i love you, too,” his voice trembles and he quietly wipes his own tears.

“hey, levi?”

“what is it?”

“can i wipe my nose on you?”

“what? no!”

too late. you buried your head into his chest, wiping your face clean and covering his favourite shirt in snot.

“gross!”

“i’m sorry. i wanted to get a tissue but they’re too far away. i didn’t want to leave the burrito.”

“it’s fine,” he grumbles, begrudgingly patting you on the head to tell you it’s okay despite ruining his shirt. “let’s finish the movie.”

𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐀𝐍

“would you still love me if i told you the truth?”

satan tries to hide his piqued interest, like he usually does. he likes to come off as the too–cool–to–show–i–care kind of guy but the truth is, he is more invested in this truth than anything else.

he nonchalantly turns the page of his book and with a swipe of his tongue over his lips, he asks, “what truth?”

“that i’m really a lizard.”

well, he wasn’t expecting that.

he watches you intently over the pages of his book. you stop pacing around the library and make your way to him, showing no expression on your face. usually, he would be quite good at reading your face but in all honesty, he can’t tell if you’re serious or not.”

“a lizard?”

you nod. “a lizard.”

“you don’t look like a lizard.”

“that’s because i’m a lizard pretending to be a human.”

“a what now?” he shuts his book, sitting upright from his laid position. he tried his hardest not to give in to your silly but mysterious notion but he is far more interested in your explanation.

“you know about the lizard people, right?”

“i do not.”

“so i just exposed myself for nothing?”

“what in the devildom are you talking about?”

“it doesn’t matter. forget i said anything. if anyone finds out i told you, i could get killed.”

“please tell me that isn’t true.”

silence.

you refuse to even look him in the eye. surely, you are joking. there’s no way you’re really a lizard, let alone it be possible for lizards to be secretly living inside of humans. what kind of conspiracy would that be?

it’s unimaginable, even for demons. but whether the lizard thing is true or he’s falling for a joke, you still need an answer to your question.

“yes,” he pulls you into his side. “i would still love you if you were really a lizard.”

𝐀𝐒𝐌����𝐃𝐄𝐔𝐒

“asmo,” you sing the demon of lust’s name, catching the attention that he would devote to you at any given moment. “can i ask you something?”

“go ahead, my dearest. fire away.”

he winks, hoping it would be something on the more flirtatious side, but instead you fill his mind with a grotesque image.

“what would you do if you could never touch me again?”

he immediately smothers you with a hug. “what are you talking about?! of course, that would never happen!”

“but what if?” you snuggle into him further. “what if you could never touch me?”

he hums, thinking of any solution to be able to touch you again.

“i’d cry,” he says simply. “i’d cry a lot.”

“aww,” you pout. “i don’t want you to cry.”

“and i don’t want to imagine a world where i can’t hold you like this,” he kisses your lips, “where i can’t kiss you like this,” he lifts up your hand and intertwines your fingers with his, “where i can’t hold your hand like this.”

“asmo….”

“i don’t know what would ever cause me to never be able to touch you again, but it would be the end of my world if it came true. i don’t know if i’d be able to live.”

“you’d still be able to see me and speak to me.”

“but not being able to touch you when i see you and hear you is the most painful torture imaginable. but you know what that means, right?”

“what does it mean?” you squeal and his hands tickle your sides.

“it means i need to do all the touching i can now to make up for it!”

𝐁𝐄𝐄𝐋𝐙𝐄𝐁𝐔𝐁

“hey, beel?”

“yeah?”

your quiet voices fill the dark path home from rad. beel always walks you home; be it in comfortable silence or deep conversations, you don’t imagine walking home any other way.

and the quiet air of the evening provides the perfect chance to ask him a question you’ve been waiting to ask all day.

“can i ask you something?”

“sure.”

“if i had five million cheeseburgers and you could only eat them if you slapped me in the face, what wou—”

“i’d slap you in the face.”

“i didn’t even finish my question.” you yelp, brows furrowing in frustration.

“you don’t need to finish it. i’d do anything to eat that many cheeseburgers.”

your feet plant in the ground and beel doesn’t stop walking until your hand which holds his pulls him back.

“are you serious?”

“uhmm….i think so?”

you’re grateful for the fact that he’s rethinking his answer but it was a shock to hear him say he’d slap you so firmly in the beginning. it was a stupid question to ask in the first place, but you never imagined beel ever wanting to hurt you.

he tugs on your hand and you continue walking with him, picking up the pace to get home.

“mc….” he asks. “did i say something wrong?”

his obliviousness to his own words is a harder slap in the face than the slap he promised those five million burgers.

“you said you’d slap me, beel, and it makes me sad.”

“hm….we can go halfsies on the burgers?”

“huh?”

“i’ll slap you and then we can share the burgers.” he promises. “you’d feel bad because i slapped you. and i’d feel bad because i slapped you. so to make it better for both of us, we can split the cheeseburgers.”

you look at him, astounded because you don’t know if his explanation makes his answer better or worse.

𝐁𝐄𝐋𝐏𝐇𝐄𝐆𝐎𝐑

a cuddling session in the attic with belphegor is exactly what you needed after a long, draining day. you naturally made your way up to him as soon as you had some free time, desperate for his warmth.

but belphie had a different warmth in mind with all the kisses he litters up and down your neck.

“belphie, i’m tired.” you whine, but still urge him on to kiss you harder.

“then close your eyes. i’ll kiss you until you fall asleep.”

your heart swarms with the thrill of his words, the promise of being here and showering you with affection even on your worst days.

“is something wrong?” he asks.

“no. why?”

“you’re not falling asleep.”

“that’s because you’re kisses are keeping me awake.”

“they’re meant to help you fall asleep.”

“i hate to break it to you belphie, but they’re having the opposite effect.” you tease.

“is that so?” he nibbles you ear. “what about this?”

you arch into his body, sensitive from his kisses and now the more urgent movements of his lips ignite a fire in your belly. his lips graze you, teeth nip you and tongue swipe over your skin. he sucks hard enough to leave bruises, and kisses softly on every mark he leaves.

“belphie….” the soft whisper of his name catches his attention. “how many ghosts do you think are watching us right now?”

he ceases for a moment, then lifts his head from the crook of your neck. “what?”

“what if there’s ghosts watching us right now? and what if they keep watching us while we….you know….?”

“i never thought of that before.”

“it’s weird, right?”

“definitely. let’s never have sex again.”

[sweet1delusi0ns]

Haikyuu Boys calling you ma’am ──☆*:・ﾟ

Team ! Nekoma

Characters: Kuroo, Kenma, Lev, Yaku, fukunaga, inuoka!

KUROO*

He a freak (jk). He teases, he is also respectful tho! Normally calls you ma’am just to be respectful, rarely does he call you ‘ma’am’ to tease. He is kind of a task rabbit so if you ask him to do something he won’t hesitate to say “yes ma’am!”

“Hey, could you possibly make me some food?” “Yes ma’am, what would you like?” But if for someeee reason he decides to be sassy it basically goes: “your being kinda mean don’t you think?” “No I’m just being honest” “it’s not nice. Be nicer.” “UGHHHH yes ma’am. Whatever you say ma’am.” “Dude.” And then he just laughs at you.

KENMA*

He really wants to make you happy so if he thinks your mad or upset at him he breaks. He is seriously threatened by you when your angry but also just wants to calm you down

“I can’t believe this?!” “W-what?” “Look at this MESS? Did you do this?!” “N-no ma’am” “Then who did.” “Uhm…it was me…just don’t be mad…” “just…clean it up…” “yes maam.”

LEV*

He was just raised right, kinda… he really does try to be nice, he takes what you say seriously and always wants to respect you. It could be as simple as you teaching him a technique in volleyball that’s ‘easy’

“If you think your going to miss the ball you can just lean to whichever side you need too it’s just a falling risk, you didn’t know that…it’s common sense…” “no ma’am I did NOT know that. But I’d rather miss the ball then fall on my face…”

YAKU*

He is normally the one scolding people but when you came along he finally has someone to scold him, he naturally takes it seriously

“Yaku you can’t be so mean to lev, like I get tough love but if I was him I wouldn’t feel to good about the things you say.” “He need to learn that he actually needs to try!” “And you need to learn that he is trying his best!” “But I-…yes ma’am.” He grumbles reluctantly

FUKUNAGA*

He may be quiet but he’s not scared of everything like talking to people and such, but he Is scared of you when your even the slightest bit irritated. He can read emotions well so he can tell when your upset, he tries his best to comfort

“Why…why are you upset?” “Don’t speak” you say angrily “yes ma’am…” he comes back with your favorite food and feeds them to you. After you calm down you speak “you can talk…I was just mad” “I know I’d rather keep quiet when your upset, your kinda scary haha!” he jokes

INUOKA*

He’s hype asf, literally just like Hinata. He would call you ma’am because he thinks your wise (his logic is a little backwards)

“I don’t know if I want oranges or apples with my lunch” “have both?” “You are SO wise!” “You say that everytime i say something you didn’t think of-” “yes ma’am I do!”

What’s good y’all! I’m done dying! Anywaysss eat this up while I write more haikyuu, I’m in a haikyuu mood yall I gotta write as much as I can

[fatkish]

hello!!!

I was wondering if you could do a dadzawa x student! Reader who starves themselves and says they’re not hungry because they don’t really feel hungry at all if you get what I mean(s3 ep42)

So basically they js head off to bed once they get to the camp instead of eating and stuff and he’s concerned for their well being and yeahh. Sorry I’m not a really good explainer but I’d really appreciate it if you do this request it would mean a lot to me considering I am a person who sometimes unintentionally starves themselves

Anyways I hope you have a good rest of your day/night, and thank you once again!!

I totally get this. Due to my middle school experience, I went from having breakfast at around 7:00-7:30 am with lunch at around 11:00 am to breakfast at 6:30 am an lunch at 1:00 pm. This was horrible for me because I would sit in class with my stomach growling before lunch. It made me develop horrible eating habits, so I get it. Anyways, onto the story.

Aizawa x Student Reader (Platonic): Eating Habits

You and your class had just walked out of the forest after having spent hours making your way to the campsite, dodging and fighting Pixie-Bob’s earth monsters

Despite all this, you still weren’t hungry, you didn’t plan on eating and were planning to just take a bath and go to sleep

When Aizawa told you guys to grab your bags off the bus and put them away before heading to dinner, you grabbed your bag with everyone else and headed inside

You went into your shared room and set your bag down in your spot. You began to unpack, rolling out your bedding, getting it all made up

As everyone left to go eat, you decided to clean up and take a shower to get rid of the dirt from the day

Aizawa has always been observant, so he definitely had noticed how you rarely went to lunch to eat, you’d either nap, play games, or do your own thing in the classroom

There had been times he’d seen you eating your homemade lunch in the classroom away from others, so he assumed that you had an issue with eating around other people

When he didn’t see you eating among his other students, he assumed you were too shy to get food or perhaps too tired

So he went to find you and make sure you got food in you

When he found you and told you where the cafeteria was and to go eat, he was surprised and concerned to hear that you didn’t plan on eating and planned instead to take a bath and go to bed

Aizawa wasn’t so keen on this plan of yours

He asked you why, to which you replied that you weren’t hungry. He told you that that’s not good enough of a reason

He then gave you a lecture about how the body needs food especially with the training you’re going to be doing

He thinks that there may be more to this and hopes that the reader doesn’t have some kind of eating disorder

He decides to go get the reader a small plate of food and bring it to them

Once he does, he tells them that he wants to see them eat what’s on the plate and then he’ll let them sleep after that

Aizawa isn’t one to budge from this so you eat the food. Upon seeing you slightly struggle he decides to sit down and try to talk to you

As you talk to him, he asks if there’s a reason why you have a hard time eating

You tell him you’re just not hungry

He asks if you’re bulimic or anorexic or have some kind of underlying issue that has caused this

Seeing where his thoughts were going you quickly and throughly reassured him that you just have a hard time eating when you aren’t hungry

Throughout the camp, Aizawa makes sure to keep an eye on you and lets you take a break to eat whenever you do get hungry

He may be strict, but his number one priority is to make sure his students are taken care of

[indigovigilance]

A Nightingale Sang in 1941

This is my inaugural meta (yay!) Eventually I will learn how to add gifs and whatnot to make this more interesting but today, I give you a wall of text.

I need to give credit where credit is due to three existing metas that I’m drawing upon heavily here:

A speculative continuation of the 1941 story, which includes an almost-kiss while “A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square” plays on the gramophone,

A behavioral analysis of Aziraphale during the S2E6 finale (will find ref later if possible)

A meta-analysis of the way in which “coffee” is used as a symbolic equivalent for liberty and freedom of choice, a running theme of this show (will find ref later if possible)

I’m going to expand upon meta #2 and #3 and explain why I think there is are very compelling reasons to believe that #1 will be canonized.

At the end of S1E6, an instrumental version of “A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square” plays diegetically, but the lyrical version plays non-diegetically over the credits (we hear it but the protagonists don’t). So we the audience could plausibly say “that’s their song,” but as of the close of S1, we have no reason to believe that they know that it’s their song. Even Aziraphale’s S1E3 (1967) suggestion that they dine at the Ritz could be a reference that only he gets, or just a fancy restaurant suggestion.

So when I was watching S2E6 and Crowley said “no nightingales,” I was jarred. What does that even mean? We know it has something to do with dining at the Ritz, but what does it mean to them? The reference only works if they know it’s their song. But we’ve only ever seen them hear it together after the averted apocalypse; if this is the direct reference that Crowley is making, it leaves our 1967 reference contextless and twisting in the wind.

If we assume that there was a romantic story beat in 1941, wherein “A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square” (which, incidentally, was written in 1939 and saw the height of its popularity at the end of 1940, so timeline-wise it’s spot-on) became their song, then a lot of events get renewed interpretations through this lens, in a way that makes this story much more cohesive and the “no nightingales” comment even more soul-shattering than it already was.

Let’s presume that immediately after this became their song and just as they were discovering their romantic potential, they were forced back into hiding. Forever after, references to the song serve as a macro for “I’d like to pick up where we left off that night.”

The 1967 suggestion of “dining at the Ritz” now becomes a directly romantic suggestion. It also gives better context for “you go too fast for me.”

Actually going to the Ritz in 2019 is not simply a celebration or even a callback to 1967, it’s a callback to their almost-romance of 1941.

When Crowley says “no nightingales” in 2023, this isn’t to say “we’re not going to eat together at the Ritz anymore.” It’s saying that the romance that began that night, the precious, fragile romance, is over.

I’ll give you a moment to dry your eyes before we move on to metas #2 and #3.

In light that this is what has been going on - they know they want a romantic relationship but have gotten so used to hiding and denying it that they are more comfortable keeping the status quo static and quo-y then trying to achieve their ideal - a lot of S2 behavior can get a fresh view.

Crowley’s reaction to Nina isn’t a realization that he’s in love - he knew that already. You can only ask someone to run away with you so many times before you are forced to admit some things to yourself. No, he’s realizing that trying to hide it (which was justified by survival), hasn’t been working, but despite failing at being stealth nothing bad has happened. He’s realizing that it may finally be safe to show it.

Crowley’s confession, then, is not a revelation. It’s making the subtext text. He’s not telling Aziraphale anything he didn’t already know. He’s saying it now because he thinks he’s safe to do so. Pin in that.

Lots of people have lots of theories about Aziraphale’s motivations in the S2 finale, which can more or less be divided into 4 camps: the genuinely held belief, the coffee theory, the lie theory, and the mutual trick theory (some version of the body-switching at the end of S1). Let me start by saying that I love all the fans and all their theories and I find their analyses to be insightful. The genuinely held belief theory, while I believe it to be erroneous, has been incredibly conducive to so many wonderful conversations and I love being in a community that has those conversations. But I’m going to explain why I think the lie theory finds the most support in canon.

Re-watch the finale (when you feel like you can) from 35:18 to 36:19 and then from 40:45 to the end, paying very close attention to Aziraphale’s words and his eyes. Michael Sheen is telling us a LOT with his eyes, and in the back half of the finale scene, with pacing.

For 60 seconds of footage, this setup is doing a lot of work. If Neil Gaiman wasn’t doing enough to beat us over the head with how evil the Metatron is, that glare at Crowley at the end with the non-diegetic ominous horns should convey the message. But again, focusing on Aziraphale. He initially refuses to talk to the Metatron; he’s made his position quite clear. There is no hint of regret or wavering; this is not someone who’s aching to return to the fold. The Metatron ignores his refusal and functionally forces him to accept a “cup of coffee.” The coffee isn’t spiked, but it is a metaphor. It is symbolic of choice. The Metatron is going to force Aziraphale to make a choice. Meta #3 does a great job of exploring the idea that a choice between anything and death is never really a choice. Hang onto that thought.

Notice I had you start up again 3 seconds before “The Conversation.” That’s because it’s important to note where the Metatron is right now. He is across the street, staring straight in through those giant windows to where our protagonists are about to have The Conversation. He is watching.

When Aziraphale returns, Crowley begins his “let me talk” riff. Aziraphale ought to be interested in what Crowley has to say, since the preamble is pretty compelling. You’ll notice that Aziraphale quickly turns to the window and back, through which he (but not we) can see the Metatron standing there, watching them. Aziraphale is then doing his best to get Crowley to STFU without raising the suspicion of the Metatron, eventually having to cut him off.

Because unfortunately, Crowley’s entire impetus for speaking up now is that it’s safe to do so. Only Aziraphale knows that they are in very real danger (or at least, Crowley is, but I’ll come back to that).

You might take something from the fact that he’s shaking his head while talking about “incredibly good news,” and seems to self-censor his criticism of Metatron (or more specifically, he takes ownership of any criticism of the Metatron, censoring out Crowley’s role in that, with the emphasis on I in “I might have misjudged him”).

Notice in the flashback that he begins the conversation reasonably relaxed. The Metatron also says a series of things about him that not only are false, but everyone, including the Metatron and Crowley, know are false: Aziraphale is not a leader, he’s a defector; he’s not honest, he lies all the time, in fact this entire season revolved around his one huge lie of hiding Gabriel. Not only does the justification not make sense coming from Metatron, but it shouldn’t make sense that Aziraphale would accept these reasons and it shouldn’t make sense to Crowley either. So is Aziraphale including these details in his recounting to Crowley so that he will get suspicious and figure out the jig? Maybe. Let’s continue.

Immediately upon being offered the job of Supreme Archangel, Aziraphale says “but I don’t want to go back to Heaven.” This is direct evidence against the genuinely held belief theory. If returning to Heaven and making a difference was a genuine motivation, we would have gotten a different response at this moment. But then we get something more.

“Where would I get my coffee?”

This is a beautiful response for a number of reasons; coffee should be trivial compared to the opportunity to be a Supreme Archangel, so it serves to highlight just how little interest Aziraphale has in returning. Taken at face value, it’s the Aziraphale equivalent of “not even at gunpoint.” But remember that coffee is a metaphor for liberty in this universe and this season. So what Aziraphale just said, in the language of Neil Gaiman metaphors, is:

I don’t want to go back to Heaven, I would rather have free will.

What does the Metatron do next?

He brings up Crowley.

Watch Aziraphale’s eyes before and after the mention of Crowley. He goes from confused to eye-flicking panic in the space of two syllables. Aziraphale already understands that his “no” is not being accepted, and that bringing Crowley into it can only possibly serve as a threat.

So the coffee, the choice, is a false choice. No one ever orders death. The Metatron has forced Aziraphale into a situation that looks an awful lot like a choice (it comes in a blue cup, after all) but it isn’t.

We definitely have some reliable narrator problems here. I’m going to presume for purposes of analysis that these cut-outs are accurate but incomplete, and that a more explicit threat about what would happen to Crowley if Aziraphale did not return to Heaven was made.

If we assume that Aziraphale has been made aware of a threat and is trying to hide that from Crowley, the rest of this scene reads very differently. Aziraphale cannot say, “you are in danger but you will be safe if you swear your allegiance to Heaven” or “I have to go, no matter what, and the only way we can be together is if you come with me,” but nonetheless he now has to convince Crowley to do the one thing he ought to know Crowley definitely doesn’t want to do all through subtext. Which we’ve spent an entire season establishing that they can’t communicate well when they are allowed to use their words. Disastrously, this is not a magic trick that Aziraphale can make work when it counts. Their failure to practice good communication means that, right now, when it counts most, they are not going to pull it off.

We see that Aziraphale is very hopeful that Crowley will pick up on his cues and play along. Obviously, he doesn’t.

If the whole riff about Hell being bad guys and Heaven being the side of truth and light is taken as genuine, it discards a massive amount of character development that we’ve witnessed in Job, Edinburgh, etc. (again, to all the genuine belief subscribers, I think it’s a compelling argument but it simply doesn’t account for the evidence). So if it’s not genuine, why say it? Again, to alert Crowley that something is Off, because Crowley should know that Aziraphale doesn’t actually believe that. They saved humanity from Heaven and Hell. They hid Gabriel from Heaven and Hell. Crowley knows that Aziraphale knows that Heaven and Hell are just two sides of the same coin. Notice again that Aziraphale glances out the window while he’s talking up Heaven; he knows the Metatron is watching, he can’t not defend the position of Heaven. I think it’s also worth noting that Aziraphale forcefully glances and gestures off to Crowley’s left (away from the window) when talking about Hell, and then turns his head to Crowley’s right (towards the window) to try to get him to realize that a representative of Heaven is literally standing right over there, just look out the window please dumbass!

When Crowley is asking Aziraphale if he said no, and we see the back of Aziraphale’s head, again we can see him turn his head to glance out the window. This is also when he changes strategies, and admits that Heaven could use a little reform. Because now there’s a problem almost as big as getting caught, which is that he won’t be able to get Crowley to go with him.

Which unfortunately makes the next part of this so much more heartbreaking. Because when Crowley begins his speech about being a team, Aziraphale wants to hear it. He can’t bring himself to shut down Crowley again, even though it could get them both in massive trouble. Notice that he glances out the window again during this, and the look of panic on his face. He begins to shake his head when Crowley mentions that Heaven and Hell are toxic; this can be taken a lot of ways but I’ll argue for the interpretation that he’s trying to get Crowley to STFU and stop saying shit that could get him destroyed.

After Crowley puts on his sunglasses we are in the “back half” and Sheen is doing a lot with phrasing here, specifically pregnant pauses.

“Come with me… to Heaven!”

“We can be together… as angels!”

Based on the pacing decision I am thoroughly convinced that the first half of each of these statements is intended to be the message to Crowley and the second half is always a qualifying statement to satisfy the Metatron.

Unfortunately, these pregnant pauses are completely backfiring in their effect on Crowley. The sentiment gives him hope and the qualifying statement crushes it again immediately. He is being taken on a horrible emotional rollercoaster with these declarations which are only further amping up his instinct to run away.

The only truly genuine, unaldulterated statement I think we get from Aziraphale is

“I need you!”

When it becomes clear to Aziraphale that there’s been an irreparable breakdown of communication between them and the subtext is not getting across, he says:

“I don’t think you understand what I’m offering you.”

He means this literally. Crowley has not understood that Aziraphale is offering him protection from whatever threat the Metatron has made.

Which makes this part extra-devastating and also absolutely in keeping with a major running theme of this season.

“I understand. I think I understand a whole lot better than you do.”

Your understanding and my understanding are different understandings.

Crowley views the offer to return to Heaven through the lens of his trauma. He understands what life in Heaven would be like. But he doesn’t understand that Aziraphale is offering him protection.

But Aziraphale just heard Crowley say that he understood everything, and he’s still going to leave. There might be a little suspense of disbelief here to believe that Aziraphale really interpreted the statement this way, but we know that Aziraphale isn’t always the brightest battery-operated candle in the drawer. So under the assumption that Crowley did understand him and is still rejecting the offer, rejecting him—

“Well, then there’s nothing more to say.”

Please pay very close attention to Aziraphale’s body language for the next part. He’s active, agitated, turning side to side, arms swinging. This is a very fidgety angel.

“No nightingales.”

Aziraphale is now completely still. He’s feeling that feeling. You know it. The one where your entire body is getting sucked into the pit of your stomach. The aching paralysis.

This is their song, the one that began their romance in 1941, the secret code for all other attempts at flirtation. Crowley has walked out on him before, Aziraphale has been stubborn and obstinate before. But they always came back together, sometimes with an apology dance or other rituals that belonged solely to them.

But now the song is over.

By saying this, Crowley has broken up with Aziraphale. We can see in Aziraphale’s sudden transition from fidgety to paralysis that he has understood it this way.

Then he turns away from the window so that the Metatron won’t see him cry.

The kiss was heart-wrenching already. But we’re not done with this analysis.

During the kiss, Aziraphale has a choice to make between two very compelling bad choices. This is the Job dilemma. But worse.

If he doesn’t kiss Crowley back, he will let Crowley think that he doesn’t love him. He will have missed out on this (maybe/probably their first kiss?) and regret it forever.

If he does kiss Crowley back, in full view of the Metatron, they are in deep trouble.

He seems to do his best to split the difference. I would even go so far to say that the awkward arm waving is Aziraphale acting for the Metatron’s benefit, to try to portray that he doesn’t want this even though he absolutely does (just not like this). The anguish when they break the kiss is absolutely real, and the first thing he does is glance out the window. Through all this he has remained painfully aware of their spectator.

He wants to say I love you. He mouths it. He breathes it.

But the Metatron is watching.

He can’t tell Crowley I love you. So he has to say the only other thing that has always unequivocally meant “I love you” when he said it to Crowley. He has to hope that Crowley understands him now, even though he never has before.

Spoiler alert: Crowley doesn’t.

My forgiveness and your forgiveness are not the same forgiveness.

One more point against the genuine belief fans (I love you): if the offer to let Crowley back in is what changed his mind, then Crowley declining removes that incentive. Aziraphale should/would have consequently retreated to his last stated position of “I don’t want to go back to Heaven, where would I get my Crowley—I mean, coffee?” [post-publication nod to @theonevoice for a great little meta] It simply doesn’t hold up to scrutiny.

I think a lot of fans were already making these assumptions about the use of the nightingale song so this meta may not feel revelatory, however, it isn’t canon (yet), and I’m sure I’ll find company that agree that canonization of this connection would strengthen a lot of these story points, as evidenced by how it is already assumed by many fans.

If you made it to the end - omg thank you! Please leave a note and tell me your thoughts!

Bonus: somebody already made the song connection here

~~~

if you liked this, you may also like:

Book of Life and what it means for Crowley

The Erasure of Human!Metatron

Baraqiel and Azazel

~~~

Recommended related (lie theory) metas by other people:

making the subtext text by @theonevoice

Aziraphale's Decision Matrix by @yowlthinks

Nothing Lasts Forever: META by @phoen1xr0se

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

Charlie: “-so we have TONS of angel-killing weapons now, thanks to Vaggie! Who had a lovely… Errrr. Fight?”

Vaggie: “It was pretty one sided. Call it a training match.”

Charlie: “She had a lovely training match with Carmilla Carmine! Who repeatedly kneed and kicked her in the face, which I’m not allowed to get upset about, because Vaggie isn’t upset about it!”

Sir Pentious: “Oh that sssounds… Pleasssant?”

Angel Dust: “Of course the one time Saint Sapphic isn’t pissed is when someone actually beats the crap outta her.”

Husk: “Wha’d I say? She’s got issues.”

Niffty: “Kneed in the face by Carmilla Carmine!?” (wistful sigh) “Lucky…”

Husk: “And you’ve got even worse issues, somehow.”

Vaggie: “Meanwhile, Charlie was off singing herself up a whole army in Cannibal Town.”

Charlie: “I wouldn’t call them a whole army-”

Vaggie: “They barely fit inside the hotel, babe.”

Charlie: “-and I wouldn’t really call it mine. Alastor and Rosie helped!”

Vaggie: “Did they give you the cannibal army?”

Charlie: “Nnnnoooo… I mean they did introduce me, but I had to do the convincing part myself.”

Vaggie: “Then it’s your army.”

Charlie: “Huh.”

Charlie: “…..hm.”

Vaggie: “Feels kinda nice, doesn’t it?”

Charlie: (giggling) “Maaaybe a little~”

Angel Dust: “If yous two LBs start kissin’ about the literal man eating army now under ya sway, I’m gonna be sick.”

Vaggie: “Aren’t you supposed to have zero gag reflex?”

Angel Dust: “That’s for sex stuff, Vaggitales. This is sappy and sincere.”

Husk: “A word that’s barely in your fucking vocabulary.”

Charlie: “Now Husk, you know that’s not true-”

Angel Dust: “Oh it’s true baby! But I’d be sucha a gooood little school boy if ya wanted to try teachin’ me, Purrrrfessor~”

Husk: “Can we feed him to the cannibals.”

Charlie: “No!”

Vaggie: “If they get sick before the big fight then we’re all dead.”

Angel Dust: “Hey!”

Sir Pentious: (SNIFFLING)

Charlie: “Oh oh Pen! Don’t be scared- no one’s feeding anyone to any cannibals!”

Vaggie: “Well. We’re not feeding anyone from the hotel to them…”

Charlie: “You hush, beautiful. Now there there Pentious, what wrong?”

Sir Pentious: “Nothing issss now! But EVERYTHING wasss, while you and missss Vaggie were fighting!”

Vaggie: “We weren’t-”

Charlie: “That was just me being-”

Vaggie & Charlie: “...”

Vaggie: “Sorry, you go-”

Charlie: “No no after you!”

Vaggie & Charlie: “..…..”

Hotel Crew: “….”

Vaggie: “Charlie had good reasons for being angry-”

Charlie: “I wasn’t angry! Or, not the way I THOUGHT I was? It’s complicated-”

Vaggie: “Valid. Reasonable. Way more forgiving than called for.”

Charlie: “If I’d just TALKED with you like you’d WANTED-”

Vaggie: “You didn’t want to. That’s fair.”

Charlie: “I guess, but. It wasn’t fun.”

Sir Pentious: “No it wasss not!” (crying) “It sssseemed as though you were ssssplitting up! L-leaving ussss! It wasss! DREADFUL!!”

Charlie: “Ohhhhh nooooo we would never-!”

Vaggie: “The hotel thing is kinda bigger than one relationship, Pentious. We’re not giving up on you guys.”

Charlie: “-and that’s also why we’d never break up.”

Vaggie: “Never’s a long time sweetie… and three years was a long time too.”

Charlie: “Not with you it wasn’t. And forever won’t be either.”

Vaggie: “…”

Angel Dust: “If you cry, I really will throw up.”

Vaggie: “Shut up.”

Charlie: (hugs vaggie) “See, Pen? You don’t have to worry about us, okay?”

Sir Pentious: “Okay. Y-essss.”

Charlie: “Shh sshh, please don’t cry…”

Sir Pentious: (wailing) “I can’t help it!!!”

Vaggie: “Hey, how come HIS tears aren’t vomit worthy but MINE are??”

Angel Dust: “Cuz he’s a sad snake boy in a top hat that cuddles with eggs, and you’re supposed to be tough as nails and impossible to fucking break, Vagina. Seein’ ya as being anything other than gay or pissed? Stomach turning. Yuck” 

Husk: “You’ve got issues too, dumbass.”

Angel Dust: “I know.” (preens) “But they look GOOD on me~”

Sir Pentious: (snuffles) “It’sss jussst so good, sssssseeing you two the way you sssshould be! Ugh.” (dripping) “May I borrow a, a tisssssue, Niffty?”

Niffty: “SURE-”

Husk: “You don’t fucking want that or to know where the fuck it’s been. Here. Napkin.”

Sir Pentious: “Thankssss!”

Sir Pentious:  (LOUD NOSE BLOWING HONK)

Charlie: “Better?”

Sir Pentious: “Much, yessss. But how did you manage it?”

Charlie: “Manage what?”

Sir Pentious: “Fixssssing thingsss between you! After it wasss so bad!”

Husk: “Without any alcohol, even.”

Sir Pentious: "Or exssssplossions!"

Angel Dust: “Yeah toots, three years of not sayin’ she was an angel is a pretty big shit pile to have dropped on ya, even in hell.”

Niffty: “YEAH VAGGIE! HOW MANY SOULS HAVE YOU KILLED?!”

Vaggie: “Thousands.”

Husk: “FUCK.”

Niffty: “OoooOOoohhhhh~”

Angel Dust: “Now that’s a body count. Like, not a good one but. Wow.”

Sir Pentious: “Sssee? And now Charlie isss hugging you! How iss that possssible?”

Vaggie: “… I don’t… I, gave her space….”

Charlie: “She’s Vaggie. I already knew who she was.”

Husk: “Exorcist.”

Angel Dust: “Liar?”

Niffty: “Mass MURDERER heheheh…”

Charlie: “My partner.”

Sir Pentious: “I don’t underssstand! Did ssshe sssay ssssorry?”

Vaggie: “Sorry really wouldn’t cut it.”

Charlie: (laughing) “She helped me start the hotel- and run it- and get my dad’s help talking to heaven, and- more things than I can count, honestly! Doesn’t that say enough?”

Sir Pentious: “Oh… ssso wordsss are not… what mattersss?”

Charlie: “They can matter, but it’s what we DO that makes them mean anything.”   

Sir Pentious: "...what we... do?"

Angel Dust: “Like how heaven and it’s angels say it’s all full of great people up there but then they go an' leave us all to rot and die, yeah?”

Charlie: “Vaggie didn’t."

Angel Dust: "Score! Hell's got ONE angry lesbian on it's side!"

Charlie: "And I won’t either.”

Hotel Crew: “…”

Husk: “Are we done. I need a drink.”

Vaggie: “Y-eah.” (hoarse) (clears throat) “That’s where we’re at now. Any questions?”

Angel Dust: (raises hands) “Husk has one!”

Husk: “Fuck you no I don’t-”

Angel Dust: “Sure ya do babypaws. What the FUCK-”

Angel Dust: (points at Vaggie’s wings)

Angel Dust: “-are THOOOOOOSE???”

Vaggie: “…Those are my wings. Asshole.”

Angel Dust: “Bitch~”

Husk: “Motherfucking dumbasses.”

Charlie: “Angel please, it’s rude to point like that! And to um. Say the other part also- but that’s okay I know you mean it in a nice way!”

Angel Dust: “An’ what about Saint Vagatha huh? She called me shit too! Was that her bein’ nice?”

Charlie: “She-”

Vaggie: “I’m nicely not stabbing you.”

Charlie: “-she’s trying her best.”

Angel Dust: “By not stabbing me?”

Husk: “Now that’s impressive as hell.”

Vaggie: “Thanks.”

Angel Dust: “Hmph. Lucky a guy can take pride in people wantin' to stick stuff in him...”

Sir Pentious: “Vaggie? Pleasse pardon the quesstion, however I ssssseem to recall you sssaying you didn’t HAVE any, ah, wingssss?”

Niffty: “Or tits!”

Vaggie: “They grew back.”

Niffty: “Did your t-”

Vaggie: “Niffty-” (groans) “Look, there’s a cockroach over there. Go hunt, kill- whatever.”

Niffty: "KILL KILL KILL-!"

Charlie: “Aren’t her wings AMAZING! LOOK AT THEM!!! You guys have no idea how soft-! wait they what? Grew back?”

Angel Dust: (grinning) “What about your-”

Vaggie: “Ask about my tits twice in one day and die.”

Charlie: “They were gone? You weren’t just hiding them- Twice?”

Niffty: (on vaggie’s shoulder) (checking down her shirt) “Nope! Tits still missing. Nice pecs though!”

Vaggie: “………”

Angel Dust: “She said it, not me!!”

Vaggie: (SIGH) “These are the people I’m about to risk my life for.”

Charlie: “I feel like I’ve missed something important..?”

Husk: “No you fucking haven’t.”

Angel Dust: “So oh heavenly cunt, what the fuck did ya do with Carmine to get the feather dusters reinstated?”

Vaggie: “No idea. Uh- Thought gay thoughts about Charlie? I guess?”

Charlie: “Awww~!”

Sir Pentious: “Aww!!”

Vaggie: “And mostly non-violent thoughts about the rest of you.”

Niffty: “Booo…”

Vaggie: “Anyway, since Lute didn’t use heavenly steel while tearing them off my back, I guess they just needed time to heal up or whatever.”

Charlie: “I’m SO gonna send a thank-you note to Carmilla for helping you with… tha….”

Charlie: “….tEARING? She, Lute-”

Vaggie: “Not now. Tell you later, babe.”

Charlie: “BUt- I’ve met her TWICE and you didn’t say-!”                   

Vaggie: “Let’s focus on finishing debriefing the troo- the friends for now. ‘kay?”

Charlie: “I…”

Angel Dust: “I TOLD YA IDIOTS IT MIGHT BE A SENSITIVE FUCKING TOPIC!”

Husk: “Then why the fuck did you bring it up!?”

Angel Dust: “My mouth likes to be open and stupid shit comes out of it sometimes- I dunno!”

Vaggie: “Yeah well I’m so not about to start spilling the gory details in the hotel lobby. The cannibals are already starting to look hungry. If we’re up to date on the mission statement and current crew resource management situation, then-”

Niffty: “Hey Vaggie, Vaggieee.”

Vaggie: “What.”

Niffty: (giggles) “Did Lute steal your tits too?”

Vaggie: “….”

Angel Dust: “…what? Don’t glare at ME about ya blindly obvious shortfall in that depar-Tit-ment-”

Husk: “Shut up before she fucking tests some of her new shiny weapons on you.”

Vaggie: “Don’t give me ideas.”

Charlie: “Why is everyone talking about my girlfriend’s breasts. She got her wings ripped off and suddenly has them back, and we’re all just, talking about bra size???”

Angel Dust: “Toots, if she wears bras, it’s gotta be just so’s she looks good for you.”

Vaggie: “I’ll take that compliment.”

Angel Dust: “I wasn’t sayin’ it as one-”

Vaggie: “Change your mind or lose your hair.”

Angel Dust: “-you’re a very loving lesbian and ya make Sappho the OG herself proud.”

Vaggie: “Better.”

Sir Pentious: “E-excusssse me!? Thisss, sssssadistic Lute person iss, ssssssomeone we will be fighting against..?”

Vaggie: “Yeah but I’ll handle her, don’t worry.”

Charlie: “wHAT!?”

Vaggie: “I said, I’m the one who knows how she fights anyway, so I’ll-”

Charlie: “YOU. WILL. NOT-”

Demon Charlie: “-NIFFTY DON’T YOU DARE STUFF THAT DEAD COCKROACH DOWN MY GIRLFRIEND’S SHIRT!!!”

Vaggie: “AUGH?!”

Niffty: “Aww.”

Angel Dust: “Oh that’s nasty.”

Husk: "Hreaugh." (hairball noise) “Whatever’s wrong with you, Niffty, never EVER fucking tell me what it is.”

Niffty: (waving cockroach) “It’s just for padding~ You know what they say! Every little bit helps! Right?”

Charlie & Vaggie: “NO!”

Niffty: (CACKLING)

Sir Pentious: “…..thisss isss, sssssso beautiful….”

Husk: “The fucking cockroach?”

Sir Pentious: “No. Them.” (wipes tear) “They’re ssstill, hugging.”

Angel Dust: “Yeah... It’s almost sweet enough to make a guy puke.”

Husk: “Almost?”

Angel Dust: “Well I’m not gonna ruin the mood for them by actually puking!”

Husk: (smiles) “Uh-huh.”

Angel Dust: “Plus, think of my boots! What if they got splashed on and shit?”

Husk: “Right.”

Angel Dust: “And Niffty’s doin’ good work breakin’ the tension and grossin’ them out anyway…”

Husk: “Mm-hmm.”

Angel Dust: “….And. It’s nice to see ‘em bein’ cute again.”

Husk: “…..”

Angel Dust: “….because it was weird when they weren’t and maybe, MAYBE, I was worried.”

Husk: “There we fucking go. Good boy.”

Angel Dust: “!!!”

Sir Pentious: “Oh that sseems to have cheered him up immenssely..”

Husk: "Fuck."

Angel Dust: “Oooh~ Nauseous to horny in less than a second? Damn, Purrrfessor. That’s a new record even for me~”

Husk: “Fuck no.” (fleeing)

Husk: “Alright, I’m opening the fucking bar! Come get your complimentary we might all be dying together soon drinks- and nobody fucking DARE ask me to use body parts in them. This isn’t fucking Cannibal Town. My drinks are good enough without fingers or eyeballs floating in them or whatever.”

Cannibal crowd: (grumbles but politely ques up for drinks)

Charlie: “I think maybe we’ll pass? Vaggie? Our room, us, alone, maybe?”

Vaggie: “Are we gonna talk about stuff?”

Charlie: “I would VERY MUCH like to talk about all things now yes please.”

Vaggie: “Then I’m gonna need a drink. Husk-”

Husk: “Take the fucking bottle.”

Angel Dust: “Here, and this bottle too!”

Charlie: “Oh thank you Angel D- is this LUBE!? Already OPENED lube!??!?”

Angel Dust: “Happy make-up sex~”

Charlie: “I- Vaggie no, not the spear- thanks, Angel Dust, but I think- Vaggie I said not the spear- I think we can do without borrowing your, uh, personal bottle of- okay that’s it, up over the shoulder you go. Hup!”

Vaggie: “I’m gonna kill him! I’m gonna save him from the extermination by killing him RIGHT NOW!”

Charlie: “-and you told me to ignore you when you talk like that. Anyway, everyone else have good night with the drinks and cannibals!”

Angel Dust: "Will do, toots! You gays enjoy eatin' each other out!"

Vaggie: “Babe please just let me strangle him a little bit-”

Charlie: “Nope! We’re gonna go explore some past trauma!”

Angel Dust: “An’ each other’s bodies!!!”

Charlie: (carrying vaggie upstairs) “Not helping!”

Vaggie: (still struggling) “I don't NEED to talk about my trauma- i need to get my hands on that asshole twink!"

Angel Dust: "GET IN LINE BEHIND HALF OF HELL, VAG-GAY!"

Charlie: "Hold my hand instead?"

Vaggie: "...."

Vaggie: (melting) (holds hand) "...fiiiiine."

[canthelpit0]

Skinny

Pairing: bf!Chris sturniolo x Reader

Wordcount: 700

Summary: you talk to your boyfriend about the internet (literally just the song skinny, by Billie Eilish)

Warnings: really short, angst(?), body image, the internet, hurt/comfort (?), direct quotes, idfk

(Litterally wrote this during a 1h car trip, so it’s rlly short. I was listening to the song while writing this. Hope you guys like it tho <3)

I recently met the triplets in LA. We quickly became friends, but I always felt drawn to Chris the most.

Sure they’re all considerably hot, but there was just something about Chris that made me feel something..

Turns out I wasn’t the only one that felt it, and soon enough Chris confessed to me. Wich meant a lot, considering he has commitment issues, but he was willing to commit… for me?

We dated for a while until I realized,

I fell in love for the first time.

I may only be 20, but those 20 years felt so eternally long. Chris was everything I’d been waiting for all my life, being the hopeless romantic.

I started to go to the gym more often, and eat healthier. Not for any other reason then, I was happy.

I also started to notice that Chris’ Pepsi habits got better, and he started to eat healthier as well.

We were talking one day, both of us sitting on opposite sides of Chris’ bed.

“People say I look happy, just because I got skinny.” I sigh.

The only reason why I look happier is because I have a working healthy relationship, because I’m in love. Not because my body changed.

Chris tilts his head to the side his eyes slightly furrowed as if asking me if I’m serious.

But the ‘old’ me was still me. Maybe even the real me, my actual personality when I’m on my own, And I think she is pretty.

I never really had body image issues. I never struggled with eating.

I got famous pretty young, like 17 or so. And back then I was a kid, of corse I liked to eat. I wasn’t even that big really. I was just a kid, I didn’t care about it too much.

I’m not magically happier than I was before. I still cry.

“People say I’m acting my age now.” I sigh. “Am I already on the way out, am I ‘falling off’?”

Chris tilts his head not saying anything just trying to process my words. As if my words are outlandish to him.

“I feel like a bird in a cage, you know. With all these expectations and rumors.” I sigh softly. All these things have been bugging me for a while.

“I’m sorry.” He looks at me with not pitty but understanding. “You were my secret,” when we started dating we hadn’t told the internet. “- and I didn’t get to keep it”

But like couples do we would go out on dates. With both of us being touchy people, PDA was big. But a random fan took a picture of us kissing and it spread like wildfire.

I sigh heavily at the memories. How betrayed I had felt by those so called fans looking into my business.

“The internet is hungry for the meanest kind of funny, and somebody’s gotta feed it.” I purse my lips closing my eyes briefly.

“I suppose that’s true” Chris breaths out his eyes locked on mine.

“People really think suddenly all my problems are gone and I’m all happy, not because I’m in a healthy and stable relationship but because i got skinny.” I huff working myself up, and getting angrier and angrier at something that seems like nothing.

“Do you still cry?” I ask rhetorically, my previous breathy and small voice now loud and clear. “I mean I do.” I reply to my own question.

I look at my boyfriend and the way he looks back at me with such understanding.

We look at each other in silence. “I love you. And I’ve loved you for so long. And that’s not going to change.”

Chris says firmly a small gentle smile forming on his lips. Chris opens his arms waiting for me to come to him.

I’m not upset per se, it’s just annoying seeing people comment on my body and happiness and whatnot. It’s none of their business.

I’m a content creator. I didn’t ask for them to criticize me.

I sit up shuffling over to Chris. I let myself fall into his embrace.

But in Chris’, the love of my life’s arms, like this, it doesn’t matter anyway.

Masterlist

A/N: hope you guys like this style of writing. If h goys want to be on the taglist comment. Asks & requests are open 💕

‼️please don’t copy my work/idea‼️

Taglist: @muwapsturniolo , @sturnad , @iluvm4ttsturni0l0 , @evie-sturns , @me09love , @fratbrochrisgf , @spideylovin , @chrissgirlsstuff , @stunza , @whicked-hazlatwhore , @sturniooolos , @ecliphttlunar , @orangeypepsi , @klaus223492 , @char112244 , @sst7niolo , @slut4chriss , @mattsturniololoverr , @th3-3d3n-g4rd3n , @st7rnioioss , @t1llysblogs , @nonat-111 , @blahbel668 , @rockstarchr1s , @sturnsintrouble , @nayveetbhh , @tillies33ssss , @sturncakez , @strnilo , @somegirlfromasgard , @mattslovelygf , @sturnsmaeve , @sturnstvr , @lucianastrun , @jnkvivi , @jamiesturniolo , @chr1sgirl4life , @h3arts4harry , @whosthislyssbitch , @jamiesturniolo , @sturniololover-09 , @zayyluvz , @sturnzsblog

[rabbitbandit05]

Head-canon: Mizu/Reader while on their Period

First official post for BES fandom, thats exciting!

I have recieved a few requests and have started working on them, so those will be posted very very soon! Reminder that if you have a request to please either comment or to submit an ask on my page (anonymous is on if that matters).

Ok, now getting into the actual post: Im not sure why I wrote this, could be because I was on my own period and it seemed like a fun topic to cover since it isn’t always talked about. These are all my own personal head-canons and may differ from what others think, so take all of this with a grain of salt.

I feel like Im also not sure weather to use You when refering to you, the reader, or to use Y/N, so for my first post I kept it very general (I use reader in this post isntead of 'you' or 'Y/N'. please give me feedback on this and weather you would prefer me to use something different.)

Warnings: Mentions of Blood (duh), Mensuration, and NSFW

🚫Minors DNI!🚫

Mizu on her period: 

Her periods are irregular, mainly due to her inconsistent diet and stress she is usually under

But when they do come, she can usually handle them pretty well. She doesn’t mind the blood and the pain isn’t terrible either (considering the pain she has felt before)

It does bother her though that she is slightly limited in movement and has to wrap herself either 1.) very very well so that she doesn’t bleed through or 2.) rewrap herself every other hour, which is annoying and costly of time

She also hates that it’s an indicator of her gender and one wrong move could expose her

During the worse days of it, might just stay at an inn for the night rather than staying outside (if that’s an option)

Reader is particularly attentive during this time for Mizu and is doing anything to comfort her (even if on the outside she doesn’t show that she is in pain, reader still knows she must be) 

Reader heats up water, messages her tense shoulders, ect. Really anything to ease the pain (reader usually does this, but does it more so while Mizu is on her cycle)

Reader also helps to clean her wraps, since it would look suspicious if Mizu did it herself and wasn't injured. 

Reader on Their period:

Not gonna write too much for this section since everyone's periods are different and don't wanna generalize

When reader is on their period, Mizu is more attentive for sure, and more affectionate since she understands reader is struggling a bit

Might make sure to take longer breaks while traveling, so that reader has more time to gather and situate themselves 

Mizu gives lots of hugs and cuddles while reader is on their period, especially at night when everyone else is asleep

NSFW: 

depending on weather reader is inclined to sex while on their period or not is up to readers interpretation 

If yes, then Mizu doesn’t mind fingering her partner while they are on their cycle

In fact, I think she rather likes it, considering the only other time there is blood on her hands is when someone has been killed or injured, or it’s her own blood- 

She finds it almost ironic that the same hands that have shed so much blood can also be covered in readers blood (for a good reason)-

I don’t think she would mind eating out reader either, not finding it disgusting at all

When Mizu is on her period, she doesn't mind being touched, but also doesn’t exactly initiate it 

She still views it as something to be ashamed of 

And just generally wants to ride it out before being sexual/ sexually involved with reader again (at least on her part) 

But I’d reader initiates it, then Mizu is happy to go along with it, though it’s still limited and mainly just cuddles 

Suggestions and feedback is appreciated! Thank you for reading!

-Rabbittea🐰

[saey707]

OMG A LEAGUE WRITING BLOG.. Honestly you’ve partially inspired me to make one!!! I love your works so far :)

But! In the meantime, the S/H comfort you wrote for Kayn was so beautiful! So I wanted something similar with Aphelios with a touch that’s a little more personal to me! if possible i’d like to request heartsteel Aphelios with his s/o (who May or May not be chubby, depending on your preference) struggling with an eating disorder? thank you in advance!

✿ Prompt: Aphelios worships you ✿

♡ champion focus: aphelios ♡ tw: reader w/ low self esteem + ed ♡ Gender-neutral reader

Author's Note: Hi, anon! ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ This was a bit of a difficult subject for me to write, but I still wanted to get something small out nonetheless! I didn't touch too much into the ed, because it is a bit of a touchy subject to me. But I still hope you like what I have in store! ପ(๑•ᴗ•๑)ଓ ♡

Aphelios knows how to read people like the back of his hand. It's one of his own personal superpowers... Or, more so a catalyst of being unable to speak.

Because of this, he is able to effortlessly observe those around him and know exactly how someone is feeling. He knows how to manipulate people to get what he wants. And worst of all, he knows when someone is lying to him or not. Including you.

That was one of the things you grew to hate about Aphelios. You hated that you could never lie to him.

It took a couple of weeks for Aphelios to realize something was wrong. It was just a matter of figuring out what it was...

You were always so confident and bright. You never cared about how anyone felt about you and never did anything to appease anyone. You did what you wanted when you wanted, which was something that Aphelios loved about you!

Aphelios couldn't help but wonder: Was it him? Did he do something wrong? He thought the two of you had a good relationship, you never had any problems before... It can't possibly be him... Maybe it's the fans? You both did recently come out as a couple! Maybe they were just jealous? Aphelios couldn't see a reason why anyone wouldn't like you right off the bat! But... Could that be the reason??

He had to investigate...

"Did you eat today?" Aphelios typed hastily before holding his phone up. You hummed in response. But he knew you were lying.

"Do you want the other half of my mooncake?" "I'm not hungry right now, Phel. but thank you!" He knew you were lying.

"We're all going to grab dinner, I'll bring you something back!" "You really don't have to! I'll find something here!" Still, he would always bring you something back.

While he was out, Aphelios took the opportunity to turn to his friends for help, which was extremely unlike him. Aphelios usually kept to himself, so it came as a surprise to everyone in the group when he asked for them to look around and see if they could find anything.

And when they did, Aphelios couldn't help but feel a wave of regret wash over him. He felt like it was his fault. He felt responsible for the way you felt. Aphelios pushed for you to have a more public relationship with him after all... In a way, he felt like was responsible for destroying your self-confidence.

But that feeling was quick to fade with Yone's reassurance. Instead, Aphelios felt angry. Not at you or himself... But at the entire world for expecting you to change.

You didn't need to change a single thing about yourself. You were nothing short of perfection to Aphelios. And he intended to remind you of it every day from there on out.

As soon as Aphelios got home, he burst through the doors, carrying 5 bags of food and a half-eaten box of chocolates he somehow swiped from the back of Ezreal's car.

"Phel..?" You were caught off guard by your boyfriend unexpectedly engulfing you in a big hug. His shoulders were shaking, giving you the surefire indicator that he was only beginning to cry.

You tried to pull away from him, but he only held on tighter.

Tears poked at the corners of your eyes. You knew.

Aphelios didn't need to speak to convey his love for you. His actions alone did that. That was one of the things you grew to love about Aphelios. You loved how he always knew the precise way to show you how much he loved you.

And you didn't realize how much you needed for him to see the issue at hand until now.

[bluebeary-jay]

CONGRATS!!! 1000 FOLLOWERS IS SO AWESOME AND I'M HAPPY FOR YOU!!🥰🩷

For the celebration I'm thinking Joel has lived in Jackson for months and has a bad reputation so people mostly avoid him and he always keeps to himself. BUT reader is the exception, always with a big smile and really polite to him (and he has a terrible crush on her). She always sees him alone at the bar looking around and seeming dislocated and decides to ask him "may I have this dance" cause she likes him too, but he panic and refuses. Later he realizes he's missing his chance with her and tries to fix it. Just some nice fluff (with age gap please🙏)

HIIIII SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT NONNIE

(okay so I'm back-ish, I apologize to everyone for disappearing but i had a rough couple of weeks and had to deal with a lot of stuff. i actually finished this fic some time ago but didn't have strength to post it but i'm more ready now so here you go <3 i hope you'll like it, i had a lot of fun writing it!! and thank you for requesting!! love you 🥰)

Joel Miller was a recluse. Everyone knew that, though not many were aware that he didn’t exactly choose this kind of life for himself.

He really hoped that things would get better after he settled down in Jackson with Ellie, but the residents of the town made it very clear that they didn’t want his company. It stung a little, especially since Joel didn’t think he gave them any reason to be wary of him, but he hid his hurt well. With time he got used to nasty whispers, people giving him a wide berth and basically everyone but Tommy and Ellie avoiding him. It was unpleasant, sure, but he learned to just deal with it.

Well, there was also you.

Joel had no clue what your deal was. Why you weren’t shying away from him like your fellow peers and why you went out of your way to always catch him into a conversation or smile at him whenever you saw him.

“I think she’s crushin’ on ya,” Tommy told him once during a dinner at his house. Ellie and Maria weren’t present, the latter showing the teen some clothes she might want – and thank fuck for that. Joel would murder his little brother if he said such nonsense in their presence.

“The hell you’re talkin’ about?” he spluttered, his eyebrows furrowed when Tommy sent him a smug, knowing grin. The question was completely unnecessary, of course, since they were already talking about you, but still Joel hoped he somehow misinterpreted his brother’s words.

“Don’t play dumb with me, Joel.” He sprawled out on the chair, still with that stupid smirk. “I really think she’s into you. I’d ask her out if I were you.”

“There’s no… I assure you she isn’t.”

“But if she was–”

“She’s not. Now can I eat my meal in peace?” Joel placed his hands on the table, but Tommy shook his head.

“But you like her, right? She’s nice.”

Joel sighed. “Yeah, she is.”

“And pretty.”

That Joel didn’t fall for. He glared at his brother.

“Jesus, Tommy, let me have it. I’m lucky she even wants to talk to me, with all her friends tellin’ her I’m bad news and me being half her age older.”

His eyes became solemn and voice took a lower, quieter tone, which told Tommy the matter was hitting Joel harder than he let on. He sat up straight, getting rid of the teasing smile.

“Alrigh’. Sorry for bringin’ it up.” Joel sighed and nodded, signifying that everything was okay. “I just want you to be happy, y’know. Maybe you should give yourself a chance.”

The older Miller didn’t answer and took a big swig of whiskey out of his glass.

The problem was, he didn’t need Tommy to tell him all that. Joel would have to be blind and stupid not to notice how breathtakingly beautiful you are, and this, combined with your intelligence, passion and sense of humor, was his ultimate undoing. Every time he talked with you, it was all he could do to hide the redness in his cheeks and the weakness in his knees.

But he did. ‘Cause, let’s be real – even though Joel recognized he had a terrible crush on you (though it took him weeks to make peace with this fact) he knew there was no way in hell you’d find him even a fraction as attractive as he found you. He was almost twice your age,  for heaven’s sake, and such a young, gorgeous woman as you would never agree to throw her life away to be with an old man.

But God knew that with each day you broke down his walls, the desire to kiss you was becoming more and more agonizing. Every smile you sent his way worked only to feed his imagination of how soft your lips would surely be if he could only brush his thumb across it, not to mention touch them with his own. He wondered how your hands, so much smaller than his calloused ones, would feel on his stomach or shoulders. How it would be to embrace you with his arms, skin to skin and without any layers in-between.

Those were not the thoughts he should be having, especially in public – yet here he was, several days after his conversation with Tommy, imagining impossible while he watched you laughing on the dance floor with your friend. You looked so carefree, so happy and full of life, your energy only reminding Joel sourly of his own old age.

He noticed you glancing his way several times throughout the evening but he knew it didn’t mean anything, it would never mean anything other than your innocent friendliness. So he just quickly looked away lest you realize he was staring.

Joel took a swing from his glass and looked around the bar, trying to take his mind off you – fruitlessly. His eyes still darted back to you every few seconds, involuntarily roaming over your exposed skin visible under the nice outfit you picked for tonight. It was driving Joel insane with longing and need, and all he could think of was the mental image of how kissing and touching you gently would feel like.

Bet you’d feel so perfect under his palms.

He closed his eyes and propped up his forehead on his fist, trying to tune out the music and all the distracting background noises.

Keep it together. 

He had to remember that he was way too old to be this enamored with a young, pretty girl like you. You would surely be repulsed if you had any clue about what was going on in his head, and some of the thoughts he had–

Then, Joel felt a light touch on his shoulder and lo and behold – there you were, standing right in front of him with a bright smile, as if summoned by his thoughts.

“Hi,” you said, tilting your head in that endearing way that made his insides tighten. “What are you doing here alone, cowboy?”

Joel prayed that he wasn’t blushing, though his hope diminished increasingly when your eyes wandered curiously across his features. Your eyebrows rose slightly and he cursed internally.

Fuck, you were so beautiful.

“M’not…” He cleared his throat and started again. “M’waitin’ for Tommy. He had to sort somethin’ out with… uh, someone.” He drummed his fingers against the table but stopped immediately, not wanting to give you an impression that the conversation with you was boring him. “You don’t have to do it, darlin’.”

You gave him a puzzled look, and he explained. “Y’know. Hang out with me. The people like to talk nasty things and I don’t wanna expose you to that.”

“It doesn’t bother me.” You shrugged with a sweet smile which Joel could kill for just to see it one more time. “And I… enjoy spending time with you.“

It didn’t mean anythin’. You were just bein’ friendly.

But even though he kept repeating it to himself like a mantra, Joel could not take his eyes off you. You were a vision – your profile bathed in the soft lights of the bar, your bottom lip between your teeth as you looked over your shoulder, deep in thought, at the stereo tower. The current song’s notes died down and a new one, much slower and romantic, started to play. You took a deep breath and let out a nervous laugh. “Actually I wanted to ask you something. If you don’t mind.”

“Ask away, darlin’.” He offered you a small smile, hoping to put you at ease, and you wetted your lips – which nearly gave him a heart attack and caused him to almost miss your next words.

“May I have this dance?”

Joel’s world stopped for a moment. He was in the middle of lifting the glass of whiskey to his lips but his muscles stiffened and the tumbler slipped out of his cold fingers. It didn’t shatter, but the rich liquid spilled all over the table. Your eyes flickered to the overturned glass, but Joel didn’t pay it any mind, too stunned to look at anything else but you.

“C-come again?” he stuttered, his voice strained and small. In the corner of his eye he noticed people at the next table glancing their way, alarmed by the noise, but he forced his attention back to you.

“This is my favorite song,” you explained shyly, an adorable blush spreading across your cheeks and neck. “So… may I have this dance, Joel?”

Now the people sitting around them definitely heard that, because they started smirking and whispering, and one person went to another group standing nearby on the dance floor. Joel felt his own face growing hot as he watched them pointing not-so-discreetly in his direction.

It was like the most wonderful dream and the most horrible nightmare come true at the same time.

He couldn’t do it. There was no way, not in front of all the people of Jackson who hated and despised him. He didn’t want to give them a show to gossip about or worse, subject you to their disdain.

But you still stood in front of his chair with an innocent, hopeful smile, though you started to shuffle the longer Joel was silent. The song – your favorite, supposedly – was passing in the background but you kept waiting patiently for an answer to your question.

He had to come up with something. Or just explain to you that he doesn’t dance – the sweet little thing you were, you’d probably understand and not pressure him into doing it. At least he hoped so.

C’mon, say somethin’.

“No.”

Your face fell instantly and Joel’s eyes widened at the mortifying realization of what just came out of his mouth.

Anythin’ but THAT.

You stared at him for a couple of seconds in the silence of the bar before your eyes started to glisten and you averted your gaze. Someone to Joel’s left snickered derisively and in the next second whispers erupted all around you two. You seemed to shrink in yourself, embarrassment and regret marking your beautiful face, and Joel’s heart almost broke when a tear slipped from your eye, and then another one fell down your other cheek.

“Okay,” you murmured, wiping the treacherous tears quickly and keeping your gaze trained on the floor. “Sorry. Sorry.”

You turned on your heel and went to exit the establishment, your step gradually turning into a run when the giggles and whispers around you became louder. The door swung open on the winter wind and just like that, you were gone.

Then all eyes turned to Joel – and the shame Joel felt increased at least tenfold.

He saw Tommy standing up and walking toward him from the other side of the room with worry written all over his face, but Joel didn’t stick around to hear what he had to say. He stood up and left through the same door you did, glaring threateningly at anyone stupid enough to still snicker at the situation they witnessed.

Ten minutes later Joel was standing in front of your door, trying to keep his knocking below the ‘desperate’ level.

He realized that he had to tell you. He intended to keep the feelings he harbored for you bottled up for the rest of his life but you needed to know the reason why he turned you down. You needed to hear from him that he cared about you, that it wasn’t some malicious act toward you but sheer cowardice stemming from the problem that he was madly in love with you.

“Hello? It’s… it’s Joel,” he choked out through his tight throat as he knocked again, a little louder this time. “Darlin’, can I talk to you?”

No response came, though he saw the lights in your house were on, and Joel had to take a deeper breath to calm his nerves. He prayed that he hadn’t completely screwed it up, but for now all the evidence spoke against him.

You wanted to dance with him. You gathered your courage just to ask him for a dance and he said no.

Joel knew he lost his chance. He lost you. You were his only friend in town and he somehow managed to fuck everything up with just one word.

He was so lost in his wallowing in despair that he almost missed the door opening slightly. In the gap of the doorway he caught a glimpse of your iris – and though it was only for a split second, Joel could clearly see that your eye was red. A pang of guilt pierced his chest but once you saw it was him, you shut the door again.

“No, darlin’, please. Please, just let me explain.” A wave of desperation and fear threatened to drown him and Joel’s heart clenched in his chest. “I’m so sorry, I acted like an asshole but I never wanted to hurt you, I just… I-I panicked.”

He was babbling, not even knowing if you were still there on the other side of the door, but the desperate and remorseful words were spilling out of him like a waterfall.

“I’m so sorry. Sweetheart…” Joel sighed, putting his hand on the cold wood of the door and listening for a couple of seconds, but there was no sound coming from inside. “Please. I’m beggin’ you, open the door.”

Then he heard something – a sound like blowing one’s nose. Joel froze for one, two… three seconds, and nearly collapsed in relief when you unlocked the door.

“You can come in,” you said, but didn’t meet his eyes. “You’re probably freezing, no?”

Joel nodded, feeling his throat going dry at the sorrowful sight of you. He crossed the threshold, closing the front door quietly behind him and looked you over. You hadn’t changed out of that pretty outfit of yours yet, although it was now covered by a long cardigan that you draped over your shoulders. In your hand you held a crumpled tissue but quickly pocketed it when Joel’s eyes fell on it.

He opened his mouth with a sharp inhale but before he could apologize, you beat him to it.

“I’m sorry for that,” you blurted out and glanced up at him but quickly looked down at the floor again. “I shouldn’t have asked you to dance in front of all those people and I overreacted because then everyone was looking at me… Look, it wasn’t even that big of a deal so don’t read into it. Everything is fine.”

“No, it’s not,” he said softly and you pressed your lips into a thin line. “You have nothin’ to apologize for. I’m sorry for embarrassin’ you. I panicked ‘cause I–”

“It’s fine,” you muttered again. “Just forget it.”

“I can’t. Listen, sweetheart, I panicked ‘cause I wish I could let myself read into it.”

Your head snapped up and Joel swallowed heavily, realizing how stupid that sounded.

“What I mean–” Fuck, he really was shit at talking so openly about these stuff. “I… I have feelings for ya. Had ‘em for a long time now but I never planned on actin’ on ‘em ‘cause I know I’m too old and you’d never…”

“You’re… really?” you asked with wide eyes, but he tuned your words out, fearing that you were going to kick him out at any second.

“I’m only tellin’ you all this ‘cause I need you to know I care about ya and I didn’t say ‘no’ outta malice or… or ‘cause I don’t like you. I do. Too much, I’m afraid.”

You were staring at him, mouth agape and silent. Joel didn’t move, awaiting your reaction – whether you tell him to get out or scream how disgusting he was, he was going to take it. And then, if you never want to see him again, he’ll accept it. One day. But he doubted his heart would ever recover.

“Let me fix it,” he begged, his voice just above a whisper when you didn’t give any reaction to his confession. “Please, darlin’.”

Your eyes skimmed over his face as you hummed to yourself, almost irritably calm. Joel swallowed, the weight of guilt and anticipation pulling him down – and he was ready to fall to his knees before you when finally you lifted your hand to brush his lower lip with your fingertips, so delicately he could barely feel it. He froze and tried not to breathe, not wanting to cause you to pull away.

“I noticed something when you were rambling,” you said with a hint of reflection. Joel had no idea what was happening or why were you acting that way, but he daren’t move. He briefly entertained a thought that he was dreaming, but then his attention got caught by the sight of the corner of your lips twitching slightly, as if you were keeping yourself from laughing.

His chest expanded with hope so strong, it was almost unbearably painful.

“What is it?” he forced himself to speak, the nerves making his voice weak and raspy.

“Your accent gets heavier when you’re nervous,” you mused, as though to yourself, now trailing your fingertips down his stubbly cheek. “It’s cute.”

His heart lurched at your words. You gazed up at him and absently bit your lip, which Joel found downright sinful.

“Do you have any idea how long it took me to gather the courage to make the first move?” Your words were bitter, but there was a trace of relief in your voice. Joel let your fingers wander across the lines of his jaw and cheekbones, wishing he had enough boldness to touch you like that, too, but suddenly, your hand stilled and your eyes met his again. “Did you mean it? The things you said?”

“Yes,” he answered without hesitation, his own fingers twitching as he restrained himself from reaching for you. His head was spinning, trying to comprehend the meaning of your actions and words. “But do you–”

You touched his lips lightly again, silencing his question, and your features slowly were overtaken by a large, bright smile, which seemed to lift all the heavy weight of worry from Joel’s shoulders.

“You wanted to fix it, right?” you asked in a teasing whisper. He nodded. “Then just ask me.”

You weren’t angry. You weren’t pulling away.

You wanted to dance with him and you gathered the courage to do so, and now Joel had to do the same. He couldn’t waste this second chance you gave him.

The corner of his lips quirked upwards and he exhaled shakily.

“May I have this dance?”

You pursed your lips to hide your joy and side-eyed him, but your eyes were sparkling with playfulness. “You know, I think I should respond the same way you did. Just to be fair.”

“Sweetheart, don’t play with this old man’s heart,” he whispered and smiled shyly when you giggled at the exasperation but also uncertainty in his voice. Joel still felt kind of out of it, too stunned to trust his mind that this was really happening – but the sound of your laughter brought him right back to Earth, to the place he wanted to be more than anywhere else.

“You’re lucky I’m feeling generous tonight, Miller.” You took his hand and brought it to your hip, making Joel’s breath hitch in his throat and cheeks grow warm. His reaction didn’t get past you, and you smiled at him so radiantly that his world started to spin. Then your arms wrapped around his neck and you pressed your body against his. “But you’ll have some atoning to do.”

His throat was dry, but Joel returned your shy smile, stepping to the side and guiding you carefully to the thumping rhythm of his heart.

And a couple of minutes later, after more hushed apologies and assurances during your slow-dancing, Joel placed his hand on your cheek, almost letting out a relieved whimper when you nuzzled your face into his palm.

And after another few minutes went by, when he leaned in and you didn’t stop his lips from meeting yours, he knew he was a goner.

He couldn’t get rid of the big smile on his face – perhaps the first real one since arriving in Jackson all those months ago.

[kamianya-ttv]

You’re not lazy, you’re neurodivergent:

A post on executive dysfunction, ADHD inattentiveness and hyperfocus, and whatever else occurred to me as related as I originally wrote this for twitter.

If you’re like me, you’ve probably been called lazy by people in your life. But the thing is, there’s almost no-one (if anyone) who’s actually lazy. And I promise you, if you’ve felt guilty because there are things you should be doing and can’t get them done? You are NOT lazy.

I'll get to executive dysfunction, the main focus of this thread in a moment. Because I want to start by talking about ADHD and hyperfocus.

Is it hard for you to pay attention to things you don't enjoy, but can focus for hours on things you do?

Does the world ever disappear to the point you forget to eat/drink while you're working? Can you suddenly get days worth of work done in a short amount of time, but only once it's the last minute, or when you get into the zone? But you don't necessarily have control over getting into that mode?

Hyperfocus

The reason this is related to this thread is that often this is the "proof" that you're lazy. Look, if you're interested you get things done! Look at how much you can do when you "just make yourself" or "just focus"! Clearly you just don't want to do the thing.

I can't tell you how many days I've sat there trying to get into a zone that's eluding me, losing sleep and feeling guilty, just to finally hyperfocus in the final day and pull out a miracle.

But I have ZERO ability to force it (I have tricks! but it's not the same).

Hyperfocus often gets brought up as a "you can't have ADHD, look how focus on the things you enjoy! Look what happens when you do focus!"

But actually, it's a major aspect of inattentive ADHD!

So, that's why hyperfocus matters in this convo.

Now onto Executive Dysfunction.

To start with, a quick note: Executive dysfucntion is not just an ADHD thing. It's an aspect of a lot of different neurodivergencies.

Also, this is primarily from my perspective as a person with ADHD, I'd love to hear your versions of these experiences!)

I like to describe executive dysfunction as "the start button isn't there."

Also, this isn't just for chores or boring things.

Have you ever sat there going "I want to game" but it just never happens?

I sure have!

When you have executive dysfunction, this means that starting tasks can be near impossible. You just can't get yourself to start it. Often, you may sit there staring at the document with the blinking cursor, or looking at the stove, or glancing at the full laundry basket, etc

But again, there's no start button. You just can't do the thing. Which makes it really hard when people tell you to just focus, or that you could do it if you just cared, or that you're just lazy.

Because we want to do the thing! We do!

(I mean, okay, want may be a strong word sometimes, I never WANT to do chores, but it's still not an intentional putting it off. It's more an "I need to do this thing, I know I need to, I want it to be done, but I can't get myself to do it")

Now for me, and many with ADHD, once someone points out you haven't done the thing, or when the deadline comes close, suddenly the start button appears

Which again, people use as proof you totally could have done the thing the whole time.

So clearly you were just lazy & are only doing it cause you got yelled at/prodded/nagged.

But this isn't true, there was no start button!

@adhd-alien has a PERFECT comic on this: https://twitter.com/ADHD_Alien/status/1138475368191598594

Now, we learn tricks to deal with this. Or meds may help.

For me, I find ways to enforce outside deadlines, or I'm more likely to have. a start button for something I'm doing with/for other people.

But ultimately, our brains just don't work the same.

So for someone where the start buttons are always there, who assumes everyone is the same as them, it looks like we're actively making the choice not to hit start.

So they call us lazy, unable to see us desperately trying to hit a button that's just. Not. There.

Now, add on to this all the other comorbidities that come with neurodivergency, we almost never have just one thing. Add on physical disabilities or chronic/invisible illnesses or chronic pain or fatigue.

All of these make it so much harder.

There are SO many things that affect our abilities to get things done.

For example, I had a doctor appointment four days in a row (OT, neurologist, OT, infusion). I also helped schedule an event, and did a stream.

Before MS and chronic pain that would be nothing.

I could have done SO much more, filled my days with getting things done.

Now? I'm spending today on the couch, recovering before my stream tonight.

And I have to fight so much guilt, because I feel like I should be doing more. But my body just CAN'T.

So.

Do you feel guilty, but you just can't start the thing?

Is there no start button?

Are you exhausted and your body is insisting you rest?

There are so many things that affect our ability to do things.

Brains, bodies, the world we live in.

But you're not lazy.

[cruyuu]

Oh my god thank you SO much for your last analysis in response to my ask jfkfbwksk

How do you ALWAYS deliver on the feels??

And I have to say, your analyses really shine a new light on Yuuji’s character (and the SukuIta dynamic) in a way that makes Yuuji even MORE tragic to me??

Because quite literally, Yuuji really has NO equal in the story when it comes to selflessness and mindset. In fact, considering just how overwhelmingly SELFISH the world of JJK is, I’d argue that it’s YUUJI who may be the loneliest in the entire series because it is HIS mindset/morality that would be the most alien to virtually everyone else in the series

In the JJK world, where everyone is apathetic to the common good and prioritizes themselves and the people they happen to care about over the rest of the world, and where doing so is legitimately seen as MORAL, Yuuji’s selflessness is the one who seems the most incomprehensible to everyone else. I think this is best seen in how everyone aside from Yuuji views civilian deaths

For instance, when Geto started murdering civilians en masse, characters like Gojo, Nanami, etc were like “ok, he has to be stopped because he’s a tad bit extreme, but he’s still bbg who did nothing wrong and who was very likely correct uwu and he’s actually maybe a tragic heroic figure??” and weren’t upset at him at all for planning to kill so many human beings. Heck, Yuta only got upset with Geto the moment he started threatening Maki, someone he happened to care about

Likewise, even with freak characters like Kenjaku, he’s still understood by people like Yuki and Geto, who share his morality/views/etc

Also, when it comes to Sukuna, even though he’s a literal sadistic cannibal who loves to torture, kill, and eat humans for fun, the cast doesn’t really seem to be all that upset over it and even admire him, feel sympathy/sorrow for him and solidarity with him, seek his approval, and want to reach him with love. The only reason why they even take a stand against him is not because of the threat he poses to humanity, but the threat he poses to jujutsu sorcerers. Yuuji is the ONLY one who is morally bothered by the fact that Sukuna is, you know, EVIL and seeks to subject humanity to his sadistic whims

And during the Shibuya Incident, everyone aside from Yuuji is very nonchalant about civilian death. Gojo, Mei Mei, etc are very blasé about seeing civilians getting brutally murdered or threatened right before their very eyes. Megumi canonically doesn’t care about the masses and only cares for a very select group of people. Heck, him summoning Mahoraga was basically him knowingly screwing over the entire civilian population of Shibuya. Yes, the other characters grieved, but they only grieved for the losses of the people they happened to care about. Yuuji was the ONLY ONE who was devastated over the losses of not only his friends, but over the deaths of the thousands of civilians as well. Heck, the idea that Yuuji could possibly be also upset over the loss of thousands of innocent civilians probably never even crossed their minds since the kind of morality needed to care about civilians is just THAT foreign to them. And ironically enough, the only person who seems to realize that Yuuji would be upset over civilian deaths is SUKUNA, who specifically switched with Yuuji at the last second to see the crater because he knew it would devastate Yuuji to witness the deaths of so many people. Yuuji’s closest companions in the series don’t understand him, but Sukuna does

I mean, in the same way that Gojo, Kashimo, etc tried and failed to reach Sukuna, Mahito (the only one who attempted to do so with Yuuji) tried and failed to reach Yuuji with all of his “we are the same” talk as well. Because although there may be very superficial similarities between them, in the same way that Gojo, Kashimo, etc share superficial similarities with Sukuna while still ultimately not being alike at all where it truly matters, Mahito and Yuuji are ultimately DIFFERENT in the sense that Mahito acts out of his own selfish desires while Yuuji is entirely driven by selflessness. They are not the same at all, and Yuuji is, once again, entirely alone

While Yuuji’s companions (Megumi, Gojo, Choso, etc) don’t understand him, Sukuna, the man who ruined his life, DOES, and that’s something that Yuuji quite possibly has to viciously deny to himself lest it tears him apart inside

Fjskjdks

Hello again anon!

I'm happy to hear that you like my analyses! I am always more than willing to provide for us Yuuji fans. My acc is heavily oriented towards sukuita and Yuuji and Sukuna individually even if I do like all characters.

Now, to properly answer your ask.

Yes, Yuuji is a very tragic character. In fact, the way he views the world is really too idealistic and the way he adapts to it is really fascinating to me because you would think that this guy would start becoming more selfish as time passes (after all, it is logical for him to do so) but instead he just continues fading away and accepts his role as a "side character", still blaming himself for everything. Yes, the fight against Mahito changes him, but not too abruptly. His naivety and cheerfulness are gone from his face, but they are still there from time to time.

For a story such as jjk, this is perfect, however. It suits him to be someone who is in the back lines. The truth is that Yuuji is considered "weak", someone who wasn't from the three great clans nor someone who could ever grasp cursed energy. Someone who wasn't born special. Someone who wasn't born a jujutsu sorcerer. It is logical for him to be treated by the story as such. Even when it's revealed that he's one of Kenjaku's creations, he's still dismissed by them and called "a thing". He's just a pawn for a greater scheme— for bringing back Sukuna. He remains an underdog even after a great ancestry reveal that usually brings main characters in shonen great importance and skyrockets them to the heights of the main villains. Makes them terribly powerful. And don't even get me started how the narrative casually brushes over this fact and how we were robbed of Kenjaku interacting with Yuuji (😭). It really is painful to be a Yuuji fan tbh

Yuuji still remains quietly ignored which I can't help but admire because if Gege did pull that move and made him so terribly important and capable of spamming Blood Manipulation out of nowhere and could easily knock down Sukuna, I would be very ready to leave jjk behind.

Still, even if I call Yuuji weak (kinda like the story itself does), I do not consider him weak at all. His physical prowess as well as speed makes him already leagues above your average human. People who really do consider Yuuji weak do so for very stupid reasons. Because Yuuji doesn't have a domain, nor a cool, science-defying, earth shattering lowkey OP signature CT. Instead, he gets Sukuna's copy which is ridiculed to hell and back by Sukuna (and some fans of jjk). He's not cool by shonen standards at all. This just makes me love him more because usually, in shonen, what would happen to the protagonists is that their power would begin to overshadow their progress as characters. It'll no longer matter if they stay boringly same with the same old "I'll beat you, kill you" whatever, because just look at how strong they are! I am deeply against basic and bland characterization because it's really so unsatisfying and doesn't make you dwell much nor remember the character. They become shallow and stale because power isn't everything, there has to be something else there as well. I could find it cool for a while before it'll start to get on my nerves because what is there to like outside these abilities? What else is there about the character?

Part of Yuuji's charm is how human he is. Amongst the big cool jujutsu sorcerers who all have these amazing, flashy cursed techniques and can tear down mountains, Yuuji fights with his fists and with the simplest technique there is which is just channeling cursed energy into his punches. Even if he gets Blood Manipulation, he's still slowly adapting to it and isn't an outright expert on it. I really adore how hard working he is, really. I love how hard work pays off for him because it is way more satisfying than seeing something unnatural– like Yuuji suddenly being capable of channeling cursed energy into a punch which tears apart enemies completely and crashes several buildings consequently OR he starts throwing meteorites or something lol. Even if jjk is highly unrealistic, I admire the realism of Yuuji.

Still, funnily enough, as much as he's dismissed and constantly suffers through the story, he still isn't completely out of the picture.

He's not really erased. He's just quietly there, going with the motions. And how strange it is— like, a boy wearing the same face as one of the main antagonists, born from the secondary antagonist, yet dragging himself behind all the side characters placing his trust into them because he views them as strong and more powerful. Isn't it contradictory? I lament the fact Yuuji isn't liked by the fandom and more noticed but instead it is the total opposite. Still, seeing how most butcher even the simplest character's characterization (for example Gojo), I am happy he isn't that popular. I lowkey really hope it stays that way tbh. I would hate to wake up to nonsensical power scaling arguments or awful theories that don't suit Yuuji's character.

Most do tend to say jjk is a story that spans over many character's lives but I disagree. In each and every work there is always a main character— the one who you're introduced to right at the start of the story. The one who sets off the events that will follow. That is Yuuji, not anyone else.

How do you ALWAYS deliver on the feels?? And I have to say, your analyses really shine a new light on Yuuji’s character (and the SukuIta dynamic) in a way that makes Yuuji even MORE tragic to me??

Thank you, anon! It pains me that the majority don't like the sukuita dynamic, how it's overlooked by everyone and dismissed as meaningless or less worthy in a way because these two really have it all. I am here to prove those haters wrong and prove that reducing these two to just "shipping incest/liking problematic content" is the most horrible take to ever come out of this fandom. I am here to offer a fresh perspective and say exactly why they're so well liked and shipped in the first place. Not because of the problematic age gap or the fact that they're kinda related (which they aren't really but I do accept that as real at times for jokes tbh), but because both of them have been given a lot of narrative importance and singled out as characters who do not have an equal yet funnily do have an equal in a form of each other.

This fifteen year old boy who can't do anything can do everything because of this old curse who's supposed to be the epitome of evil, meanwhile this epitome of evil gets to experience life all over again because of this weakling who's better off dead (who despite being weak and made for the purpose of being a vessel can still actively suppress him lmfao). It's so bizarre and funny yet so sad when you think about it because both are perfect punishment and wish fulfillment for each other.

They're downright perfectly made for each other, yet realistically won't ever, ever acknowledge each other. It's so, so tragic. Believe me these two never fail to bring me to tears considering that everything they've ever wanted lies in each other.

It's so painful that Yuuji could find more solace, common ground and understanding in the very same thing that hurt him over and over again, yet someone like Sukuna can only find an equal in someone he finds pathetic and irrelevant. They could never see eye to eye because even if they compliment each other, the very thing that makes them who they are as characters forbids them for acknowledging each other and that's something which is sad on a whole another level.

I feel like they're terrified of acknowledging it because that would really be the death of them— that someone who you hate from the bottom of your heart is the one who checks all boxes to what you're looking for.

Yuuji really has NO equal in the story when it comes to selflessness and mindset. In fact, considering just how overwhelmingly SELFISH the world of JJK is, I’d argue that it’s YUUJI who may be the loneliest in the entire series because it is HIS mindset/morality that would be the most alien to virtually everyone else in the series In the JJK world, where everyone is apathetic to the common good and prioritizes themselves and the people they happen to care about over the rest of the world, and where doing so is legitimately seen as MORAL, Yuuji’s selflessness is the one who seems the most incomprehensible to everyone else. I think this is best seen in how everyone aside from Yuuji views civilian deaths.

Yep! Yuuji is actually the loneliest in the entire series because every character in this manga is a total opposite to who he is. Even another kind character that seems to be a mirror to Yuuji still can't act as a mirror because he seems terribly selfish when compared to Yuuji.

Yuuji is really the one who pays attention to every living thing, not just the people he knows. He really is terribly, and some would say unrealistically, selfless. Hell, Yuuji had a mental breakdown after seeing the carnage he didn't cause and blamed himself (undeservingly) for something which Sukuna actually caused. He even admits this to Higuruma and it really stuns him because Yuuji's viewpoint is plainly absurd because everyone knows that death brought by other's hand isn't your own. Yuuji doesn't believe in that. He made Sukuna his responsibility, and hence whenever he gets out, Yuuji blames himself. For not being strong enough to suppress him, for being weak. He blames himself instead of blaming this evil curse that dwells in him.

Yuuji isn't faking his kindness, nor is he doing this to gain sympathy and be spared, he's just himself. This combined with the fact that yes, nearly all of the cast of jjk are actually selfish, already make him stand out. Already make him special. But Yuuji, again, isn't doing this for any ulterior motives, he just wishes to help.

For instance, when Geto started murdering civilians en masse, characters like Gojo, Nanami, etc were like “ok, he has to be stopped because he’s a tad bit extreme, but he’s still bbg who did nothing wrong and who was very likely correct uwu and he’s actually maybe a tragic heroic figure??” and weren’t upset at him at all for planning to kill so many human beings. Heck, Yuta only got upset with Geto the moment he started threatening Maki, someone he happened to care about Likewise, even with freak characters like Kenjaku, he’s still understood by people like Yuki and Geto, who share his morality/views/etc

Not only the narrative, anon, but do not forget that the fandom itself also behaves that way. They tend to forget that characters like Geto are not really good and actually pretty vile but— like most of Geto's ex-friends— shrug it off as not really that important. It actually gets on my nerves because the amount of times I've seen Geto being characterized, him being an extremist hell-bent on wiping out humans isn't acknowledged. I can understand liking a character but if you like them then you have to acknowledge their wrongdoings and who they really are. Like I love Sukuna but do I try to wipe his characterization and headcanon him into someone who's good? No. He's bad, he kills people and eats them as a hobby. He's a vile monster. It's not that hard to admit lol. Let villains be villains please!

Not only does Yuta get upset over Geto not because of him being a danger to society, but he goes against Kenjaku personally all because "Gojo shouldn't kill his best friend again :(". First off, that is Kenjaku who's in that body, not Gojo's best friend. Geto had been dead for a long, long while and yet Kenjaku- just because they're a brain who jumps into corpses- always gets dismissed by everyone (which really makes you think... about their coupling with Jin...).

Also, it's funny to me really how the kind Yuta doesn't acknowledge that the best friend in question killed and wanted to annihilate all normal humans. If he's kind wouldn't he dwell more deeply on it and consider it good that he's dead at the end of the day because his ideology means the death of humans? I mean Yuta used to be a regular human before he was shipped off to Jujutsu High so I find it funny how that's completely glossed over by him.

Also, when it comes to Sukuna, even though he’s a literal sadistic cannibal who loves to torture, kill, and eat humans for fun, the cast doesn’t really seem to be all that upset over it and even admire him, feel sympathy/sorrow for him and solidarity with him, seek his approval, and want to reach him with love. The only reason why they even take a stand against him is not because of the threat he poses to humanity, but the threat he poses to jujutsu sorcerers. Yuuji is the ONLY one who is morally bothered by the fact that Sukuna is, you know, EVIL and seeks to subject humanity to his sadistic whims

Yes, you're right! Even I, as a Sukuna fan myself, am kinda baffled how Sukuna being evil isn't an issue to most characters. To them, his strength is all that matters. He's considered as this "strongest jujutsu sorcerer" and not someone who poses an active threat not only to jujutsu sorcerers but humanity at large. Again, Yuuji is the only one who calls him evil, who asks him why he (and curses in general) cannot live without causing suffering. Not only to jujutsu sorcerers, but all people in general.

And during the Shibuya Incident, everyone aside from Yuuji is very nonchalant about civilian death. Gojo, Mei Mei, etc are very blasé about seeing civilians getting brutally murdered or threatened right before their very eyes. Megumi canonically doesn’t care about the masses and only cares for a very select group of people. Heck, him summoning Mahoraga was basically him knowingly screwing over the entire civilian population of Shibuya. Yes, the other characters grieved, but they only grieved for the losses of the people they happened to care about. Yuuji was the ONLY ONE who was devastated over the losses of not only his friends, but over the deaths of the thousands of civilians as well. Heck, the idea that Yuuji could possibly be also upset over the loss of thousands of innocent civilians probably never even crossed their minds since the kind of morality needed to care about civilians is just THAT foreign to them. And ironically enough, the only person who seems to realize that Yuuji would be upset over civilian deaths is SUKUNA, who specifically switched with Yuuji at the last second to see the crater because he knew it would devastate Yuuji to witness the deaths of so many people. Yuuji’s closest companions in the series don’t understand him, but Sukuna does

And again, I completely agree with you anon!

The only one who strangely acknowledges the devastation he caused is Sukuna and he switches with Yuuji so he could "enjoy the view" all so he could chuckle over Yuuji as he collapses to his knees and has a mental breakdown. It's funny how someone like Sukuna, who enjoys carnage and revels in battles, is satisfied enough to stop right there in front of the view of a decimated Shibuya when he is supposed to be this evil bastard that usually won't notice nor would care do that. Oh but Yuuji is special. He knows that it'll hurt him, that it'll devastate him because he's a kind soul who cares for everyone, not just jujutsu sorcerers.

I mean, in the same way that Gojo, Kashimo, etc tried and failed to reach Sukuna, Mahito (the only one who attempted to do so with Yuuji) tried and failed to reach Yuuji with all of his “we are the same” talk as well. Because although there may be very superficial similarities between them, in the same way that Gojo, Kashimo, etc share superficial similarities with Sukuna while still ultimately not being alike at all where it truly matters, Mahito and Yuuji are ultimately DIFFERENT in the sense that Mahito acts out of his own selfish desires while Yuuji is entirely driven by selflessness. They are not the same at all, and Yuuji is, once again, entirely alone

In the fight against Mahito, Yuuji already stated why they aren't the same even if stating they are. It's all right there in the panels— the glaring difference is all up in your nose if you know how to look:

The reason Mahito gets downright terrified of Yuuji here is because he senses pure killing intent. As if Yuuji really isn't human but a true curse. It's funny that a cursed spirit could fear a human, because curses are supposed to be guided by everything bad and therefore you would think that Mahito would match Yuuji's energy, think that this is exciting. But nope.

For someone who is as kind as Yuuji, seeing him embracing the anger and all negative emotions, is actually terrifying to Mahito for simple reasons. First, Yuuji is completely selfless and often looks to save people (even curses), but for the first time, he wishes to kill for no reason at all which is exactly like how a curse would think. Second, most curses (unlike Sukuna), are guided by human reasons (see Jogo) and are therefore leagues below Sukuna who takes pleasure in everything not because of other people, but because of himself.

The Yuuji vs. Mahito fight is directly tied to Sukuna vs. Jogo fight. Let me explain:

Humans fear death. Yet Yuuji is someone who doesn't fear death. He could easily embrace it if it means it is for a good cause. You could argue that Yuuji is selfish purely for that fact alone— that he's dead set on dying because of his selflessness. It sounds so contradictory but it makes sense lol. It separates him from other humans, as well as other curses, and puts him somewhere between a curse and a human.

Sukuna also spells out something interesting which directly ties into the reason why Yuuji wins in the Mahito fight:

What Yuuji did in the fight against Mahito is exactly what Sukuna was telling Jogo he lacked. Yuuji's wish is to kill curses only so he could end all misery they leave behind (which is like curses in a way– he has to kill to get the result and not really save or talk them down). Still, the one who softly nudges him into that realization is Sukuna himself, who is far worse than all curses combined. This is hinted at and not outright acknowledged because these two would never actively acknowledge each other, even if the narrative brings them together.

The misery that Yuuji feels after that sight pushes him to a breaking point, makes him detest himself but also makes him angry. Angry that he couldn't stop unnecessary death. All of that anger comes out against the fight with Mahito, because he considers him a curse, and he wishes to see them exterminated and wishes to see them dead. He grabs a hold of that desire and decimates Mahito's newly transfigured form, proving himself as someone even worse than Mahito because he has that selfish wish which is guided by his selflessness. He embraces evil for the sake of good, not for the sake of evil. Crying and blaming himself will not end curses, after all, and that's what he realized.

That's why Yuuji says they are the same, but they're still different. When Yuuji kills, he kills out of his inability to do anything else. Killing isn't the first thing on his mind. See how he usually talks down his opponents (hell, even Sukuna when he's in Megumi) and then settles on fighting? Only when he realizes there is no way, that is when he pushes himself to go all out.

Mahito cannot be the same as Yuuji, just as Sukuna cannot be the same as Jogo. Again, both Yuuji and Sukuna are singled out and funnily their fights end the complete opposite way to who they are. A human against a cursed spirit proves to be worse than a curse who doesn't care nor want to see his viewpoint but instead just wants him dead. Yuuji comes out as selfish. A curse against the cursed spirit proves to be really human by thinking of someone else and not himself and tries to see his viewpoint. Sukuna comes out as selfless.

It's fascinating, really.

You could argue that the real reason Sukuna actually showed him the sight of decimated Shibuya wasn't only to torture him, but to actively push him to a breaking point– strike him where it hurts the most– and cause unintended (to him) character development. After all, who else cares about other normal people unlike him? Who else sees Sukuna as evil and only evil? Who else is selfless? He proves that he knows who Yuuji is here and what would give him the motivation to fight. Not only his friends dying, the people he cares about, but regular people. He shows him what curses are all about, really, which is what opens his eyes and the hatred to see them gone (because of the damage they do) is enough to send a mirror of death to humans running away like a coward lmfao.

So yes, Yuuji is alone because, again, nobody in this story does stuff like he does it. Even if Mahito barks how same they are, Yuuji sends him running in fear, effectively proving him wrong even if he does say they are the same. It's the actions, not the words. Yuuji's soul remains unknown and not acknowledged. Again, just like someone else's 🤭

While Yuuji’s companions (Megumi, Gojo, Choso, etc) don’t understand him, Sukuna, the man who ruined his life, DOES, and that’s something that Yuuji quite possibly has to viciously deny to himself lest it tears him apart inside

Yep. People who care for Yuuji can't even make sense of him yet the selfish, vile, cannibal and murderer curse can. How illogical, huh. How sad and horrible.

The only way these two can acknowledge each other is if they actively learned about each other, which they kind of are. Sukuna's becoming way more selfless and Yuuji is growing more selfish. After all, they are learning through each other of something they think is impossible and they have to embrace that otherwise, like Kenjaku said, nothing will be solved and history will repeat. The conflict between them is proved to be quite, quite important to the entire story.

On that note tho, Kenjaku really is a perfect villain because they understood the assignment and that's why they created Yuuji lmfao. Even if people love to say they didn't care for their creation, and even if Kenjaku calls Yuuji a thing, they still go to Sasaki (one of Yuuji's high school friend) and thank her for being there for their son (yep! son!) while actively ignoring all other creations of theirs (Choso did say that Kenjaku ignored them for 150 years which... ouch). So, does Kenjaku really not care? I don't think so!

I'm afraid Yuuji's power is unrivaled. No matter how much people fight against him and reject him, they end up falling in love with him. No matter how much the story itself is against him, he's the only one who can bring an ending to it <3

[crazylittlejester]

I’m gonna go on a crazy ass rant because I’m upset and also very tired

A huge reason as to why I characterize Warriors the way that I do, regarding his fear of being poisoned and his food anxiety, is a way to explain myself and my own anxieties caused by my allergies, because when I say to someone I don’t think I can eat the food at the party/function/their house EVEN IF it was specifically made to be free of my allergens, they just don’t understand why I can’t eat it. They just don’t understand that just because it’s ‘safe’ doesn’t mean I feel safe enough to eat it, because there’s always that lingering ‘What if’ in my mind that food made outside of my vision is contaminated somehow.

It is so HARD to explain to people the genuine fear that you are going to die because a food created an odd texture in your mouth and you gave yourself a panic attack over nothing. It breaks my heart every time I go to my friends house and her mom offers to make me food because I’ve been at her house for thirteen hours and haven’t eaten a meal with them, because even though she cleans everything and offers to let me watch her make it, there’s still this loud screaming voice in my mind saying that that food is not safe to eat. And it just NEVER goes away. I feel awful because her mom is so sweet and willing to help me, and I just can’t ever accept because I manage to convince myself it’s contaminated every time

I have been dealing with this for my entire life and never not once have I been able to get someone to understand what this feels like or seen it shown in a media form anywhere. I’ve had family and therapists both just tell me to get over myself, because I’m being ‘ridiculous’ and the craziest thing to me EVER is that for the first time in nineteen years, I have had an outlet to throw this frustration into. Warriors and the food issues I have given him are so important to me because for the first time in my life I can explain this fear through a character and even if people may not relate or really, truly get what it’s like, they understand. They understand and they recognize it as a valid fear, and it’s because of a fanfiction about a traumatized war hero. (which is INSANE to me that this is what it took for people to understand, but you know what, I’ll take it)

This rant was inspired because I opened a sealed container of ice cream and the allergen labels were incorrect and now I can’t eat it and I’ve wasted money and I’m so upset and it’s been a really long week, but also because I never saw anyone talking about this when I was a kid, and if I’d had someone there to represent me like this, or just be there for me to connect with, I would’ve felt a lot better. Understanding allergies and food restrictions is so important for so many reasons, the most important being that if you know how to help someone, you can save their LIFE. And for other people who feel the same way I do, it’s so GOOD to know you’re not alone and that there’s someone out there who gets what you’re dealing with

If I can make people understand what it’s like to live life this way, then that is so important to me. If I can explain to people what to do in an emergency situation because their friend is having a allergic reaction, I will, because not enough people understand how allergies work, and I’m sick and tired of hearing stories about kids with allergies who were peer pressured into eating when they didn’t feel comfortable and then suffering the consequences, and I am TIRED of seeing companies mislabel their fucking food.

Also do NOT be afraid to ask any friends or classmates or coworkers with allergies how to use an epi pen because You Could Save Their Life. If anyone is curious, I’LL tell you, or look up a youtube video I’m sure there are some on there

Anyways, this is why I give Warriors the food issues I do in my fics, for anyone else out there with allergies who’s ever felt invalidated by people telling them their anxieties were stupid, and so people who have no idea what it’s like to fear your food will kill you can try to understand that this is the irritating reality for some of your peers. (not that everyone with allergies has this exact experience, I have a friend with allergies who just eats whatever and prays it wont kill them, but I know now that there are plenty of people out there with allergies who DO have this experience)

Sorry for kinda ranting, (I’m just a little guy 🥺), but this is something that is so hugely important to me, and sorry Warriors but you had too similar of a problem so now you get my exact issues 🫶

[write-like-you-mean-it]

Sinfully Planned

NanamixReader

Warning: Smut, Vouyerism, hairpulling, eating out woman, oral, cumming inside, more dominate Nanami, cheating too

I hope you all like this one! I know I've been gone for awhile. I'd hope to come back soon but I can't promise anything. Hope you have a good day and happy reading!

I almost never forget anything. I never lose my car keys or my purse. Except for one time. It so happened that I left my keys at Nanami’s apartment. I’d gotten all the way to mine before I even realized my mistake. A simple text was sent, and I made my way back. I told him to keep the door open for me so I can slip in and out. I thought I knew where I had left them. It was on the table by the couch. The couch where I slept last night due to a fight with my boyfriend. I was expecting them to be there. 

I, however, did not expect to hear something from the bedroom: a call of my name. It was small and almost non-existent. I needed to know why he’d called me though. If it was a fluke, I’d just leave. 

A quick peek through the door frame was enough to quench my thirst for knowledge of what was happening inside. I could feel my heart jump to my throat while watching. My eyes were transfixed on Nanami’s hand holding an already dripping dick. He thrusted his hand up and down to accentuate each muscle in his arm. The other gripping the covers as if trying to get a hold on this pleasure. 

The intimate moment felt even more hot because of how vile it was to keep watching. Although, I couldn’t take a moment away from the beauty in front of me. Nanami’s body was sculpted from years of putting in extra work into his craft. It was sinful, yet beautiful. His abs flexed with the pulse of his hand. Nanami kept a close rhythm as if he was already chasing this high. Sweat littered his forehead while he was biting his lip. Sinful grunts escaped beyond his control. It was the original reason I came to his door. 

I could feel myself holding my own breath as if I did anything would cause this beauty to stop, and the show would end. I should stop watching. I should go back and  pretend I didn’t see anything. All of these “shoulds” may even stop me from doing anything. My mind raced before deciding to take a single step back. One step and I’d be free to pretend my crush never existed. That was until the creek from the floorboards gave away my position. 

I cursed the wooden floorboards we had installed years ago. Maybe he didn’t hear. Maybe I can talk my way out of it. All the maybes in the world wouldn’t prepare me for Nanami standing at the door frame in only a towel. “What are you doing?”

 “Nothing,” I stumbled out while trying to walk away. “I was coming to tell you about where we’d be having dinner tonight.” I was making eye contact but slipped to the towel that barely held up against his waist. It was a simple mistake but it made me feel vulnerable. His gaze was glaring and almost predatory. 

“Do you really think I’d buy that excuse?” Nanami says while stretching to drape an arm on the frame. Sweat still gleaned from his brow and chest. His hair was mildly wet with the same sweat. 

I hadn’t realized how much he towered over me. “No,” I muttered. His build was glorious. A god who found his way on earth. His eyes full of a mystery that he refused to tell anyone else. I couldn’t tell who leaned in first. However, our lips met in a passionate frenzy. It was an angry frenzy of passion. 

Nanami lips felt like sweet syrup. They were a bit chapped but easily fixed with some shared saliva. He pressed my body against his so I could feel every bit of him. The towel slipped so easily off. Same with my shirt. His lust mirrored my own as we broke for a second of time. Nanami’s hand reached around and popped off my bra before dragging me to bed. 

“Fuck,” I mutter as the bed squeaked under my weight. He cut off my curse with another chaste kiss. Each one left me breathless. Nanami’s size was massive over me. I meant that in both possible ways. 

“That’s exactly what I’m going to do to you,” he grunts while tugging at my pants. A quick pull, and they fall off with the rest of my clothes that are all lost to the void. His exclamation made my legs cross in excitement for them to be caught by his thigh. “Don’t close them already. I haven’t even done anything yet.”

Nanami’s voice felt commanding yet kind. He cared but steadied himself. A finger ran down my pussy. While gathering the juice, he put it to his lips like a drink. He was tasting before his meal. “Already so wet for me, sweetheart?” 

A blush crossed my face and before I could respond, Nanami dipped his head to lick my clit. A simple swipe but enough to create friction all over. He found his peace making me squirm and moan for him. My hands dug into the perfectly placed hair on his head as I pulled him closer. I wanted every bit of myself to be covering his face. 

It took a bit but he finally found what would drive me over the wall soon enough. His tongue lapped up like a starved man. He was worshiping me. He worshiped each second of eating me out. 

I made sure to praise his efforts as he slowly built me up. Finally, I felt the rubber band snap. Nanami took this joy to watch his handwork. He used his thumb to keep my orgasm rolling through my body. His eyes desperately carve his name into my skin. Once I gain composure, I look up to see he is pumping his cock once again. 

“Was that good sweetheart?” he asks. 

I nod my head still trying to catch my breath. My chest was rising and falling at the same rate as he was jerking himself off. My eyes catch a glimpse of my keys. They were sitting on the nightstand. 

“Did you plan this?” I was confused. Nanami took this to turn me around with my ass in the air. I didn’t get an answer to my question, only his dick pushed against my entrance as if asking if he could. How could I deny a simple request? “Who cares. I want you to fuck me.”

“How can I not oblige?” he grunts before pushing into me. Nanami fills me to the brim. “Fuck,” he grunts while bottoming out. My head buries into the mattress. Possessiveness took over his body. He grips my hair and pulls it back. It was an aggressive but commanding tug. 

“Why do you think I left my room door open too?” he growled while forcing him to look at me. His eyes full of lust as he used me as a counterbalance for his thrusts. Our lips crashed aggressively. For as calculated as he seemed to pace himself, his lips betray him. They were moist and hurried to capture any chaste kiss given. My body leaned deeply into his while feeling a beautiful pain. His hand tugged harder into my hair while the other was leaving indents in my skin. 

His pace was demanding. Filling me up with each thrust. It demanded attention beyond what I was used to giving. It caused me to groan against Nanami’s lips. “Fuck Nanami.” My voice felt small.  He took this as a challenge to make me groan louder. His pace slowed enough to get the burn but not enough to feel the high. I repeated my praise to him.

“You’ll have to be louder than that.” His hand dug into my hair where I let out a cry of pleasure. 

“Fuck, Nanami,” I groaned louder. A resounding smack reverberated around the room. I repeated the curse only to be rewarded with another slap on my ass; however, he let go of my hair. My face fell into the mattress as if it had always been its resting place. One more praise of his name which felt more like I scream made his pace finally speed up. His unaccompanied hand went in between my legs to find my clit. His coarse fingers paced the rhythm. The pace was all too much. It was building to the end. I, also, could feel Nanami’s pace suffer as he was getting closer to his edge. 

“Where?” he grunted.

“Huh?” I asked. To be honest, I wasn’t thinking straight. My eyes were closed while feeling the pace. 

“Where do you want me to paint you?” His voice was becoming more off kilter as if he was trying to race his own high. I was so close. Almost too close. My hands gripped the bedsheets like Nanami did only minutes before. I was focusing on my own high to talk. Drool fell from my mouth as I tried to say words. Finally, I felt the all consuming nature of my orgasm again. Nanami took this to mean inside. His orgasm was hot as he pumped a few loads into me. He groaned my name before finally collapsing to the side. 

The room was filled with the sound of our breath catching up with us. The bedsheets were soiled and in desperate need of a wash. I catch a glimpse of the keys once more. 

“So you did plan this?”

“I wouldn’t say planned. More like it happened.”

Suddenly, a phone’s ringer went off. I knew it was mine, and I knew how deep shit I was in. It was the only person who would put such an obnoxious ringtone on my phone: my boyfriend, Gojo.

[chipmunkfanno1love]

Cliva Theories

I thought I’d write my personal thoughts on the Cliva ship and how I imagine it playing out if it possibly does head down the romantic path. I also want to give my comparison if they stick to the platonic route. 

-

Thoughts on the ship generally:

When I learned that Viva was related to Poppy and later found out that she's actually her long-lost older sister, the thought of her falling in love with one of Branch's brothers sounded like such an adorable idea to me. Considering that she and Clay rule over the Putt Putt Trolls together, the pair already have an established relationship in the platonic and professional sense. The two seem to have a lot of respect for each other (which I'm sure Clay appreciates as he wasn't taken seriously by his brothers during his teen years) and seem to be the best of friends.  

Viva appears to look up to Clay as her rock and confidant when it comes to her strongest fears and insecurities (something she struggled to open up with even Poppy). The fact that she’s been so open with him and trusts him with the responsibility of being her right hand man shows that Clay has proven himself as trustworthy and that he’s very important to Viva. She was obviously devastated by his betrayal in the movie, but doesn’t appear to hold a grudge due to her focus on freeing Clay from his diamond prison while Branch and Poppy were working on freeing Floyd. Obviously Clay is very important to her, not just as a right-hand man but also as a friend. 

Despite trying too hard to be serious, Clay isn’t afraid to have fun and be silly around Viva, which shows he feels comfortable around her and she helps him embrace the fun side of himself while also acknowledging his desire to be taken seriously. Clay may also lean on Viva when it comes to handling his insecurities and frustrations (specifically regarding his issues with his brothers). I’m sure he appreciates someone as fun-loving and energetic as her taking over the responsibility of being “the fun one” and I’m sure he actually has fun with Viva due to not feeling the pressure of living up to his past boy band image. These two truly seem to empathise and understand each other as trolls. 

I definitely believe that Clay and Viva have a shared love of dancing. Clay was obviously in charge of choreography for Brozone back in their youth, plus he’s famous for his Rusty Robot and later the Well-Oiled Robot dance moves. Viva is obviously a talented and enthusiastic dancer herself with lots of energy for crazy moves like flips and cartwheels. I personally would love to see more of these two dancing together, whether it be as two friends dancing together or possibly as a romantic dance fast and/or slow. 

I think it's only natural that possible romantic sparks could grow between them as they re-adjust back into the lives of their long-lost family members and also accept that Bergans are no longer out to eat them. They obviously have a strong and special connection which they already built up even before they learned that their respective younger siblings are dating, so the possibility of them falling in love themselves does not seem that strange. 

I have heard some people say that it's wrong and even incestuous for Branch's older brother and Poppy's older sister to start a romantic relationship because when Broppy gets married it will make them in-laws. While I do acknowledge for some people it may be weird for one romantic partner's brother to date and/or marry their romantic partner's sister I will say in the ship's defence that it is neither morally wrong nor incestuous for a husband/boyfriend's brother to date and/or marry his wife/girlfriend's sister. They are not related by blood or legal siblings themselves, so there are no reasons why they can't date or marry (with Poppy, Branch's and King Peppy's blessing). It's not that unusual for a couple's siblings to fall in love and eventually marry in real life and fiction (e.g. The Chipmunks and their Chipette counterparts in the Alvin and the Chipmunks franchise are some examples). Either way, let's try to respect each other's thoughts and opinions without judgement or harsh criticism. 

I’m certainly open to this ship from a compatibility standpoint, but from a chemistry standpoint I think I’ll need a little more convincing as their limited interactions seemed more platonic in nature than romantic. I personally felt that Clay calling Viva “girl” sounded more like how a male would greet his female friend than how he would a potential lover. Although I have heard from some people’s translation of some non-English dubs of Trolls Band Together that Clay calls Viva “babe” which sounds slightly promising on the romantic side. Still you could easily say that was simply how the international production people personally translated the dub rather than it being the original writer's intention. Still, I’m certainly open-minded with this interpretation. 

I definitely think like Branch, Viva will need some time to reconnect with her family and readjust to the outside world again, including learning to overcome her fear of the Bergans and coping with her trauma and abandonment issues. While well-meaning in her desire to protect her sister and fellow Putt Putt Trolls, I found her holding Poppy and to an extent the other Trolls hostage in order to “keep them safe” to be quite frightening and unhealthy. I only hope that to some extent Clay stayed with Viva out of genuine loyalty and care for her and not because he was basically held hostage by her. It would not be healthy for them to build any type of relationship out of fear and possessiveness. 

Just like Poppy and Viva are adjusting to their newfound sisterly relationship, I think both Clay and Viva would also need to make some adjustments in their relationship as it changes with them being back with their families and learning to trust the Bergans. I’m curious how they’ll lead the Putt Putt Trolls now, whether they return to Pop Trolls Village or continue to run the Putt Putt Village together as they always have, but this time make it more welcoming and friendly to Bergans and give themselves and the Putt Putt Trolls more freedom to explore outside their home. I believe it will not only be good for Viva’s mental health, but will also help their own relationship to grow as Viva learns to be less codependent and becomes a little more interdependent with Clay. Plus, I trust that Viva doesn’t hold any hard feelings against Clay for his betrayal, knowing that he was only trying to save his brother. I’m sure she can empathise and understand him on that over knowing the pain of losing and parting ways with family.

-

Here are two plausible directions I could see the ship taking:

Romance option 

Perhaps over time, Clay and Viva begin to notice that their relationship has grown and changed as they've settled back with their families. They start to realise that their feelings for each other may be more than platonic and their partnership may be based on more than a purely professional connection. I imagine that they both may struggle to open up about their feelings for each other at first. Clay's brothers (namely John Dory) may tease him over his crush on Viva but are overall supportive of the relationship. 

Clay’s brother’s teasing him over having feelings for Viva (new lower quality video). I imagine  Chandler as Clay, Rachel as Bruce, Phoebe as Branch, Ross as Floyd, Monica as John Dory and maybe Gunther as King Peppy: 

Branch in particular empathises with Clay's struggle with getting out of the friend zone and being in love with an overly energetic royal. He and Bruce may offer Clay courting and dating advice as they are currently the only two brothers to be in happily committed romantic relationships. 

Poppy is incredibly supportive of Clay and Viva becoming a couple and even offers to help them get together. She gets excited at the possibility of the pair going on double dates with her and Branch. Despite some hurdles along the way, the two eventually get the courage to confess their feelings for each other and eventually become a couple.

Before that happens, I could see a little ship teasing happening between them in this form. Perhaps Poppy and Branch have just gotten engaged or maybe it’s their wedding day and the two can’t help but get into a touching yet very awkward discussion similar to that of Ross and Rachel from Friends as they watch the happy young couple.

Viva and Clay ship tease example (0:05 to 0:34) (*Warning*: Sexually suggestive adult content)

I could see the conversation playing out like this:

Viva: “Look at them, they make such a Fantastamazing couple, don’t they!” 

Clay: “My baby brother and your little sister are in love and getting married. I never would have believed it.”

Viva: “Yeah, kind of ironic…what with you being my right-hand man and all. I guess it shows they were really meant to be.”

Clay: (chuckles a little) “Yeah, it is a pretty big coincidence, huh?”

After a few moments of silence, Viva finally speaks up again.

Viva: “Hey, Clay?” 

Clay: “Yeah, Veevs?” 

Viva: “Do you ever think…we’ll have what they have?”

Clay: (becomes noticeably nervous but yet also hopeful) “Uh, we, as in…”you, me, us: together”

Viva: “Oh nonono, not us (gesturing between the two of them) together (laughs nervously). I mean like, you with someone and me with someone. 

Clay: “Oh, whew. (fakes wiping his brow) You kinda scared me there.” 

Viva: “No probs, Clay. Just shake it off!” 

Clay: “Right, shake it off.” (Clay shakes himself rapidly like a dog and Viva lets out a little laugh to which Clay follows after her)

Viva: “You make me laugh.”

Clay: “Hey, I’m the former Fun Guy of Brozone and your current right-hand man. It’s what I do.”

Viva: (chuckles, though she’s still smiling it looks somewhat strained) “Yeah…i-it would make things kinda weird if we became a couple wouldn’t it?” 

Clay: (smiling but his eyes look visibly saddened) “Y-yeah, real weird.” 

The two share a heartfelt but very awkward moment, hinting that maybe the idea of them being a couple isn’t so weird to them. They may even be visibly disappointed at the thought of the other thinking it’s weird. 

-

In terms of romance comparison to other fictional characters' relationships I would imagine a romantic relationship developing in a similar fashion to these character’s relationships:

Melman and Gloria:

Perhaps like Melman, maybe either Clay or Viva have had feelings for their friend for a long time but have always been too shy to admit their feelings, while like Gloria the other expresses interest in dating, completely oblivious that their friend is in love with them. Maybe it’s only when one of them starts dating someone else who later turns out to be wrong for them (not that they have to be a bad person) do they start to realise the strong extent of their feelings and they get the boldness to finally confess. Overall, in the end the oblivious friend soon realises that their best friend is actually the one for them and the two eventually become a couple.

Melman and Gloria moments:

Melma and Gloria love confession: 

Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable:

Viva and Clay share a lot of similarities to Kim and Ron in that they aren’t just best friends (Kim and Ron have been friends since Pre-K, while we’ve yet to learn what age Viva and Clay were when they first met) but are also professional partners, e.g. Ron Stoppable is Kim Possible’s crime-fighting sidekick while Clay is Viva’s right-hand man in the leadership of the Putt Putt Trolls. 

Kim and Ron as a couple:

Unlike Melman and Gloria in which one was simply too shy to confess their feelings and the other is oblivious to their friends feelings for them, it’s hinted a lot throughout the Kim Possible series that Kim and Ron share mutual feelings for each other but neither of them confess out of fear ruining their friendship. It was certainly confirmed to be the case from Ron’s side of things, while it’s merely hinted at from Kim’s side.

Proof that Kim and Ron had feelings for each other:

I could see either Clay or Viva being reluctant to admit their feelings for each other out of fear of their friendship being ruined as a result of their feelings being unrequited or their relationship doesn’t work out and they break up. I could see this storyline working well as their excuse in future Trolls shorts and/or films. 

There’s a possibility that they may have even not confessed their feelings due to it interrupting their professional relationship, e.g. Clay was too focused on being taken seriously in his job as Viva’s right-hand man while Viva let her fear of the Bergans returning stop her from considering a romantic relationship with Clay, possibly out of fear of losing him too or she was too focused on her job as leader to consider what her feelings for Clay truly were. 

With time for them both to reconnect with their families and time to readjust to the real world again, perhaps they both consider the possibility of romance in their lives, which possibly opens them up to dating other trolls but realising that they don’t have the same connection with their dates as they have with each other, leading to them realising that their feelings for each other may be more than platonic. 

Chandler and Monica:

Perhaps they may go down a similar route as Chandler and Monica from Friends where perhaps they begin a relationship off-screen and try their best to hide it from their siblings, either because they don’t feel ready to tell their family and/or they’re worried about how they will react to them being a couple. Though when they finally do confess their relationship, I’m sure their whole family is very supportive of the two as a couple.  

Monica and Chandler Love Story (*Warning* - Contains sexually suggestive adult content and possibly triggering fat jokes)

One thing all these couples have in common is that they were all friends first before eventually becoming a couple. The female character is generally depicted as a bold and beautiful woman (seemingly out of the guy’s league) who while she’s generally strong and independent does occasionally struggle with insecurities (with maybe the exception of Gloria perhaps), while the male character is generally depicted as more comical and goofy but overall very supportive of their female friend and vise-versa. Perhaps they date other trolls or other creatures, but ultimately realise that they’re each other’s true love. 

As we all picked up, they are quite similar to Branch and Poppy’s dynamic as well, only their roles are reversed somewhat with Viva being the more emotionally traumatised one and Clay being the more stable one who is there to emotionally support his friend/lover. Though Viva still has Poppy’s energy and enthusiasm while Clay is a little more cynical and organised like Branch.

If they do become a couple like Poppy and Branch I could see it happening in a slow burn manner with little romantic hints here and there. Though hopefully there are enough differences in their pairing that they don’t play out exactly like their younger siblings do and therefore their own relationship is still its own. 

Platonic option 

Of course, there's also the possibility that these two may just remain really good friends and later close in-laws when Branch and Poppy eventually get married. They may even support the other in their romantic relationships with other trolls/creatures. 

In terms of other fictional friendships and professional partnerships I can definitely see similarities between Princess Fiona and Brogan’s shared leadership of the Ogre Resistance in Shrek Forever After to Viva and Clay’s shared leadership of the Putt Putt Trolls. 

They may also have similarities in their relationship to General Amaya and Commander Gren from The Dragon Prince series who have a very close friendship as well as a professional partnership much like Viva and Clay themselves. I feel if either one or both of them eventually fall in love with someone else I could see either of them supporting their friend’s romance as Gren supports Amaya’s relationship with Queen Jenai. Perhaps if Clay is one to fall in love with someone else (such as perhaps a girl from his Sad Book Club) maybe Viva would feel a little jealous at the thought of losing her best friend and confidant, but only when Clay reassures her that he’ll always be there for her as a friend does she eventually accept his new relationship and gives the couple her blessing. 

Whichever direction Cliva goes, whether it remains platonic or heads in a more romantic direction, I am keen to see more of these two interacting with each other and seeing how they met and became partners in leadership. I hope their relationship grows with the changes to their situation and environment and continues to flourish. 

I'm just glad that Broppy has become canon as their romantic chemistry was so obvious and I'm just grateful that the ship has sailed nicely. Whatever happens with their older siblings is up for debate. 

[chemblrish]

Subatomic particles from a chemist's point of view - part II: the proton

[part I: the electron]

Proton

In my subjective opinion, the runner-up in this informal ranking of subatomic particles that are important in chemistry. Protons may not form chemical bonds like electrons do, but they still play an important role in many chemical reactions, especially in organic chemistry. But their most meaningful task that places them right below the electron on my list is this: they quite literally define the elements.

Atomic number

Let’s put our Mendeleev hats on and have a look at the periodic table. Here, I’ll upload it for you so you don’t have to google it:

It doesn’t take a genius to realize the elements are compiled in an orderly fashion rather than a random one. What is the property that generates this order? You could say mass – that the elements are arranged by their increasing mass – but that’s not quite true.  Sure, most of the time it is true, but there’s a handful of oddballs that refuse to fit this scheme. Argon and potassium, for example: argon has a mass of 39,948 u (units) while potassium has a slightly lower mass of 39,098 u. The difference isn’t big, but nevertheless if we want to arrange our elements by mass, we have to place potassium underneath neon and argon underneath sodium.

Obviously, we can’t do that. The cool thing about the periodic table is that there are several trends encoded in it, one of them being that the elements of any given group are usually fairly similar to each other. Group 18, where argon normally resides, is reserved for noble gases that are extremely chill and not eager to react (they might’ve taught you in school that noble gases never ever react with anything ever; THAT’S A LIE! But it is true that their chemistry is scant and their reactions rare). Potassium could never fit in with them. Fucker explodes in water the same way sodium does – which is yet another proof it belongs in the same group! Also, COOL EXPLOSION HERE!

This isn’t the only such strange pair in the periodic table: cobalt and nickel are like that too, and so are tellurium and iodine. It isn’t much – but it’s enough that we have to look for some other physical property to define the order of the elements. For some time, chemists and physicists had to accept this discrepancy (not that they were happy about it; I imagine they’d wake up at night drenched in sweat, screaming, “GODFORSAKEN ARGON!”). The atomic number, this sort of ordinal number that put every element in its place, was actually random, as in, not based on any known physical property. Yeah, potassium has an atomic number of 19, but why?

ENTER HENRY MOSELEY!

Henry Moseley conducted a series of experiments in which he zapped various elements with X-rays (I’m so jealous), then analyzed the resulting emission spectra. It turned out that the atomic number is proportional to the square root of the emitted radiation, which in turn depends on the proton count in the nucleus. This is what defines any given element: the number of protons it has. This is THE definition, the one you learn very early in your chemistry journey. The number of neutrons may vary among the atoms of the same element (because isotopes) and atoms can gain or lose electrons by becoming ions, but that doesn’t turn them into different elements. Only the number of protons is always constant for one and the same chemical element.

Organic chemists love protons too

And for more than one reason at that – because hoo boy, does a proton stir some shit in ochem!

My ochem lab instructor pointed to the mechanism I’d written on my lab report once and asked, “What does the acid do in this reaction?”. Very plainly I said, “It’s a source of protons which act as a catalyst,” to which he gave me his standard shit-eating grin and said, “They all are.”

And he wasn’t wrong! If you analyze a bunch of organic reaction mechanisms then you’ll see they very often begin with a proton (so H+) attaching itself to the substrate (or a lone electron pair on the substrate to be precise, because Coulomb force, right?) and thus initiating a chain reaction of sorts that leads, frequently through many infuriating steps, to the product. Take a look at the synthesis of aspirin, for example:

[via wikipedia]

You don’t need to understand everything that happens here. What matters is this first step I circled: a proton attaches itself to one of the substrates and starts the whole reaction.

The second reason I have in mind for why organic chemists love protons is NMR: nuclear magnetic resonance. NMR is a method of instrumental analysis and it’s cool as all fucks actually (as long as you don’t have to analyze the spectra because what the heck are those spikes), but this post is about protons, not NMR, so here’s the gist: you put your organic sample in the NMR spectrometer. The spectrometer drenches your sample in a magnetic field (which is probably why small dogs with metallic collars aren’t advised in an NMR lab). The spins of the protons in your sample (yes, protons have spin too!) go wooo! and align themselves in a specific manner. The computer connected to the spectrometer spits out a spectrum that tells you what your sample looks like.

Properties of the proton

Charge: positive one elementary electric charge, the exact opposite of an electron (how convenient!): +1.602×10^(−19) C

Mass: 1.673 × 10^(-27) kg – which is roughly 1837 times the mass of an electron. I want you to say, "Whoa, that's a lot!" right now because shit, it really is! And that's a great thing, because it gives us cool stuff like the Born-Oppenheimer approximation.

Radius: 0.841 fm (femtometers), but make no mistake: just like electrons, protons abide by the wave-particle duality, because they hate us all. I just remembered when my quantum chem professor told us during a lecture that even buckminsterfullerenes exhibit wave-particle duality. These are molecules made up of 60 carbon atoms. Sixty carbon atoms!! I almost cried, but I was sitting in the front, so I had to compose myself.