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liukangmybeloved · 3 years

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everyone else is fighting for second {Mortal Kombat (2021)}

SPOILERS FOR MORTAL KOMBAT (2021)

Summary: Canon Divergent AU. Crack & Fluff. The team develops into something of a found family, which happens to include Cole's actual family. They take a day off from fighting to go to the fair, where the biggest question is 'who is Cole's daughter's favourite in the team?' Besides her dad, of course. Kano is very competitive about this question.

A/N: 1968 words. I will take a meat-tenderizer and FIX the canon and make it SOFT. i love cole young and mk 2021, if you don't like that, you've been warned. everybody lives/nobody dies AU & kano isn't a traitor. also imagine there's just like.... more time before the tournament. enough to become a found family. like i said, fluff & crack. warnings for swearing.

If Cole had it his way, Emily and Kano would have never met. He would be perfectly happy letting everyone else on the team meet her, but he's yet to hear a single sentence leave Kano's mouth that didn't include some colourful variation of 'fuck', 'shit', 'wanker', or 'cunt'. So unsurprisingly, he wasn't exactly eager to let his teenager daughter near the man who Sonya had literally called 'scum of the Earth', but alas.

"I'll be on my best behaviour, pinky-swear!" Kano's grin was all teeth as he'd held his pinky finger up to Cole's glowering face, wiggling it a little when Cole made no move to finish the pinky-swear.

"If you say - cunt -" and the word sounds so uncomfortable coming from Cole, he damn well looks uncomfortable just saying it, "within a hundred feet of her, I'll get Kung Lao to cut you in half." And he gesutres over to where Kung Lao and the rest of their ragtag bunch of misfits; the man in question had forgone his usual weapon for a more modern, soft-brimmed sunhat, but his jaunty wave to Kano at the sound of his name still managed to be menacing. The Australian shuddered in horror at the mere thought; at least he took the threat seriously.

"You don't have to be jealous, man," the threat seemed to only have dampened Kano's jovial attitude momentarily, as he's got a spring in his step as he follows Cole to the rest of the gathered champions, "Uncle Kano's gonna set a fuckin' - flippin' -" he corrects himself as Cole shoots him a warning look, "great example." Sonya barks a loud, derisive laugh as Cole sees fit to remind him that he's not Uncle Kano.

"Emily's a good kid," Liu Kang assures, kind and sincere.

"Yeah, she never even believes me when I tell her Kano's a dirty, little rat," Kung Lao smirks in the face of Kano's sudden outrage, and Cole is pretty sure that, despite it being Emily and Alison's idea, to give the team a day of levity and to bond, this might be the worst plan he's ever agreed to.

"This is a day of bonding, not of infighting," Raiden's voice joins them, followed by the God himself only moments later, which is enough to unite all the champions in confusion at his choice of wardrobe for the day. While still sporting a majority of his usual attire, somehow he'd managed to procure a t-shirt with a meme of all things on it, a personalised meme!

"I designed it myself, I think it turned out pretty okay; whaddya think?" Kano sounded far too proud of himself, looking at the cartoon drawing of what could only be Raiden himself pointing awkwardly at Thor as depicted in Marvel Comics, who was pointing back.

"We are both Gods of Thunder," Raiden explained, pointing to his own shirt; Sonya had gone wide-eyed, unsure of how to react, while Jaxx was doing his utmost not to burst out laughing.

"I... didn't know you knew what a meme was," Cole admits, though honestly, once the shock had worn off of, it was rather charming.

"I didn't know you knew what a meme was," Kano fired back, equally confused.

"I have a thirteen-year-old, of course I know what a meme is -" but then it seems to hit him just as it hits Sonya and Jax, and the three of them turn to the pair of confused, cave-dwelling, internet-free champions. None of them knew where to begin trying to explain the whole situation, but thankfully, Raiden chose that moment to open a lightning portal, and they all headed through quickly.

----

The night that Cole and his family had gone home after everything had gone down, the fighting, Sub-Zero, and the man he's pretty sure is the ghost of his ancestor, Emily had looked him dead in the eye and called him a super hero.

And then told him that his friends were really cool.

This was a sentiment that his new friends seemed to share about his family.

Cole quickly comes to realise that family isn't something a lot of the rest of the team have nowadays; they have each other, but for a lot of them, that's mostly it. He sits on an invite to dinner that he'd already ran past Alison several days ago, before inviting Liu Kang and Kung Lao over, if nothing else, to repay the hospitality they'd shown him so early on.

Alison's rule was that there was to be peace on their property; no training, no fighting, but the team was welcome as long as they didn't bring trouble to the door.

So then it was Sonya and Jaxx, who brought dessert when they came over.

Emily once asked what Thunder Gods ate. Did they eat? Cole wasn't sure. He extends an invite to Raiden anyways, but it's politely declined. The next time, however, he took up Cole's invite, mostly for the company, and to thank Alison and Emily for their patience; having Cole away so often wasn't easy, he'd be the first to acknowledge that. Alison appreciated the sentiment, as did Emily, though she was also just bursting with questions for the God, and he did his best to answer what he could.

Then finally - finally - after so long spent with the team, of most of them coming to find comfort and serenity in his home on the occasions that they need it, Kano is invited to Sunday lunch too.

----

"I know us champions and our super powers are pretty cool," Kano says to Emily, the moment they step through the lightning portal and emerge into the sunshine and the noise of the fair, "but I'm your favourite, right? Besides your old man, of course," and he rolls his eyes a little at that, as does Cole, for very different reasons, while Alison shoots Cole a questioning look. Thankfully she still does not trust Kano as far as she could throw him.

For her part, Emily answers incredibly diplomatically, sounding much older than her thirteen years, and quite a bit like her mother;

"Kano, you're a grown man, my approval shouldn't matter to you," she sounds sincere, which is completely undercut by Kung Lao sliding into step beside Kano.

"Which means you're not her favourite," he teases, and Kano practically growls back, embarrassed, while Emily calls out to Raiden that she likes his shirt. He practically beams.

"Not a lot of people will really get it, though," she points out, and Raiden muses on that for a moment.

"But I get it, and it's mine."

"Fair point," Emily nods at that, as their strange group steps up to buy tickets.

---

Emily spends more of the fair of people's shoulders than she does actually walking, which delights her endlessly. Mostly she's up on Jax's shoulders, and charges her cotton candy for the ride, ripping a small chunk from the one Cole had bought for her.

"It's weird seeing you all look so normal," she says to Sonya, the two of them in line for the Dodge 'Em Cars alongside Liu Kang and Kung Lao. Sonya grins, knows exactly what she means, gaze turning to the two members of the Shaolin Order of Light, not that anyone would know simply from looking at them now. Where Liu Kang had found a pair of trendy, ripped jeans was beyond Sonya's imagination.

"You look cool, though," Emily amended quickly, "I didn't realise you all would come to the fair, but I'm glad you did," she's smiling brightly as they get closer to the front of the line.

"Who did you expect to come along today?" Liu asks, eyes wide and curious. It wasn't that he was as competitive as Kung Lao or Kano, but he still found the child's interpretation of their group to be interesting. She knows, in some capacity, what they're capable off; she'd watched her father slice, dice, and kill Goro after all. The fact that she could think so highly of them speaks a lot to her capacity for kindness, or perhaps her childish naivety, but Liu preferred to think it was the former.

Emily, however, goes quiet, seems to be a little embarrassed. She mutters something, avoiding eye contact with any of them, and Liu goes to ask her to repeat herself, but she interrupts him while doing so;

"I wanted Dad to have a day off," she admitted, before adding, "and... and Lord Raiden; I don't think he's had a day off this millennium."

"It's good of you to look out for them," Sonya tells her fondly, "our team can be pretty single-minded, but we needed this day off, I think." And she gives Emily a pet on the shoulder, and lets her steer the tandem Car when they finally get a turn.

----

"It's me, right? I'm your favourite," Jax asks Emily over lunch, not because he genuinely believes it, but because it riles up Kano, and to a lesser extent, the competitive Liu Kang.

"Jax is one bad day away from pledging his allegiance to Skynet, he can't be your favourite -" Kano grumbles.

"Dad's my favourite," Emily reminds them sternly, and Cole has to hide his proud little smile, before she adds, "and mom's my favourite too, the rest of you, well of course you're all badass as hell -"

"Is it Liu? 'Cos he's pretty and you're, yanno, a teenage girl," Kano scowls at the warrior who'd been attempting to just quietly enjoy his basket of fries. Both Cole and Alison are wearing similarly murderous expressions, and Kano raised his hands in mock surrender, dropping his gaze.

"Actually," Emily said pointedly, despite the embarrassed flush on her cheeks, though she was mirroring her parents intensity, "my favourite is Raiden because he's literally a God that shoots lightning out of his hands, and you're now my least favourite because you're a rat bastard."

"I taught her that," Kung Lao was grinning from ear to ear, and when he and Emily look to each other, they share a definitive nod.

"How come he's allowed to teach her words like bastard?!" Kano demanded to know.

"Because you're a bastard," Sonya interjects.

Kano is thankfully quiet for the remainder of lunch, sulking at his end of the table as chatter returns to normal, returns to talk of how everyone else had been enjoying the day.

----

At the end of the day, Kano shoves a large, stuffed kangaroo at Emily that he'd won at the booth where you had to knock over bottles.

"Didn't even use me eye or anything; lost an hour of my life and fifty fuckin' dollars," he was grumbling, while Emily was examining the prize.

"You won this?" She seemed endeared by it, endeared by the thought that he'd put the time into winning it for her.

"'course I won it, can I stop being your least favourite now?" He asked, and Emily tucked the kangaroo beneath her arm, giving him an appraising look.

"You can't buy my loyalty -"

"Wouldn't want it if it could be bought, I know that shit from experience," Kano interjected, crossing his arms defensively, ignoring where Cole was glowering at him every time he swore.

"But you put time in, and effort, so you're back to third with everyone else."

"As long as none of those bastards is beating me, I'm okay with that."

As they headed to the exit, to where Raiden had created a lightning portal for them all to go home through, Emily reached out and punched Kano lightly in the shoulder.

"Thanks, Kano, it's pretty sweet that you care so much."

"Don't tell the others," he grumbled back.

"We've been with you all day," Jax calls out, "we already know."

#mortal kombat #liu kang #mortal kombat 2021 #kano #kung lao #cole young #raiden #jax briggs #emily young #alison young #sonya blade #mortal kombat fluff #mortal kombat fanfiction #lkmb

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ma-lark-ey · 3 years

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Lark headcanons to piggyback off my Grant headcanons B) I don’t have as many for Lark which is weird considering I took his name.

- He’s the younger twin

- mans SUCKS in a fight, he thinks he doesn’t

- He’s that one kind in your grade who no one really talks to or is friends with, but no one dislikes.

- always keeps stimtoys on him, always always always

- severely ADHD

- deffo has panic attacks (like his dad B) )

- He can’t handle much weight on top of him from the trauma of the pyramid.

- He has some pretty noticeable scars on his arm, neck and legs from the incident, when people ask he quickly changes the subject.

- He owns a chinchilla! her name is Snail. Sparrow has one named Slug!

- He likes to write!! He writes a lot of short stories, and will churn out stories of Sparrow’s characters.

- to go with that, Sparrow will draw scenes from the stories he writes. They’re a little duo.

- They want to make comics when they’re older. Lark being the writer and Sparrow being the artist.

- Lark is really good at calming people down and mellowing out bad situations, it’s a skill he had to learn from how often Grant and Nick would have panic attacks after Faerun, and he wanted to help them.

- He likes stirring the pot in politics classes.

- he has a LOT of pent up anxiety, but doesn’t admit it.

- If he’s not with Sparrow, he’s probably hiding out at a skatepark or a junkyard.

- He’s trans masc because fUCK you. Self projection.

- He expresses his affection through gifts!! He likes making all his cool friends gifts to give them

- He’s super socially awkward and doesn’t have many friends, even though he’s super charismatic.

- If he can’t do comics as an adult, he wants to be a special ed teacher.

- Lark will never admit it, but he is EXACTLY like his dad.

- Lark and his partner (Finch, obviously. If you don’t know who Finch is.... Boy do I have a piece of fandom to introduce you to) adopt a kid at like, early thirties. You would never think Lark would make a nice parent, but he’s a more strict version fo Henry. Takes good care of his little guy.

- The kid’s name is Dove

- Lark’s comfort food are those shitty muffins you get in little tiny packs of four and ate as a kid instead of a real breakfast.

- His favorite drink is... Whatever the fuck you put in front of him.

- One time when he was little he brought Henry a glass of water that was left outside for days ( you know the kind I’m talking about ) and told him to drink it. Henry couldn’t say no.

- Lark thinks a lot about what would’ve happened if he took over Oakvale after Faerun. He wonders how different life would’ve been.

- He doesn’t get along super well with Autumn, but he makes a point to keep in contact with her.

- Some nights, he’ll have a really bad panic attack and dissociate for a long time. Whenever he calms back down, he’s always protectively held in his dad’s lap in the living room floor with some kids cartoon on the TV, and usually Henry is mumbling to him about something.

- Lark used to only drink with plastic straws (he likes to chew on them and his hands shake too much for him to use a glass), but he started using rubber straws in eighth grade cause he liked the taste of rubber more.

- on that, his hands are always shaking like a mother fucker. The only thing he’s found that steadies his hands is cross-stitch.

- He listens to folk punk (oh no)

- If you get in the car with Lark, Hayloft by Mother Motehr WILL play, and he WILL go absolutely FERAL

- He plays the drums!!

- Whenever he gets drained in social situations, he’ll crouch. He’ll just *crouches down* and sit there. He’ll keep interacting with you normally and whatnot, but he likes being close to ground.

- He sleeps to the side of his bed instead of in the middle so in case Sparrow has a nightmare and wants to climb in next to him he can :((

- Lark listens to Welcome to Nightvale and The Penumbra Podcast

- His favorite color is green!

- His favorite video game is Forager

- Lark LOVES My Hero Academia, also watches a lot of short underground anime. He rarely gets into the big names, but MHA grabbed him by the throat and said “You’re gonna have the duality of relating to Izuku AND Katsuki, deal with it” and he said “Yes, Mr. ADHD and Depression, sir!”

- Lark listens Its Okay (To Punch Nazis) - Cheap Perfume on repeat because it scratches a good brain itch, also yeah, he’d clock a nazi without flinching.

- He has a playlist on Spotify titled “feral baby man” and it’s just a bunch of songs he legally has to scream along with

- Similarly, he’s that one friend with way too many Spotify playlists and all of them have hyper specific purposes.

- A collection of them are Stimmy Stimmy, Oh No Emotions, UWU Vibey Shit, Whoever Put Crack In These Songs, Thank You For Your Service, HOIST UP THE THIIIIIING, and more.

- He says a bunch of Australian and Irish slang and NO ONE knows where he got it from. (His favorite thing is to drop a new one and watch the confusion. The best one yet is Grant’s reaction to ridgey-didge of just “Literally what the fUCK did you just say??????”)

- He likes sewing

- Surprisingly, he likes soft music as much as he does really attention grabbing stuff. One of his favorite bands is Sleeping At Last

- He likes to have jam sessions with Nick :((

- He has a little sister! She was bro when he was around thirteen, and her name is Piper

- he’s the bEST big brother. Okay? He sits with his little sister in his lap in his highschool years as he does Homework and teaches her about math and English to help him study it better.

- He also reads her bedtime stories

- HE KEEPS HIS HAIR REALLY LONG CAUSE HE LIKES TO BRAID IT WHEN HE GETS ANSY AND DOESN’T HAVE ANY STIM TOYS ON HIM SEND TWEET.

This is all I have to give you on Lark at the moment.

#dndads #dungeons and daddies #lark oak-garcia

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gaknar · 4 years

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Review: The Claremont Crossovers

Geez, I haven’t written a review for this blog since my Secret Wars review from like 17 years ago. How can that be? Well, I guess I used to work on this blog a lot more often and now I’ve gotten way more into Super Nintendo games and BDSM. Like a lot of people. But now that I finally finished reading Inferno, it is time once again to bookend my experience with an overly wordy wall of text filled with the worst kind of oblivious meninist butt humor jokes and pretentious sounding run-on sentences that are trying to sound smart but are always improperly ended with prepositions of. And lots of ridiculous comic book panels.

These are only the silliest panels from this reading that I could find after looking for about 25 seconds.

Bookeeping. This review covers everything that I have read since X-Factor #1. This includes Uncanny X-Men #204-243, X-Factor #1-39, New Mutants #38-73, along with a smattering of annuals, Daredevil, Power Pack, Fantastic Four, Spider-Man, Excalibur, and X-Terminators comics that were all part of the Mutant Massacre, Fall of the Mutants, and Inferno crossovers. There were a lot of developments over the course of the 4 years these comics were published. Jean Grey was resurrected and the original members of the X-Men reformed under the moniker X-Factor.

Mr. Sinister formed his band of evil mutants, the Marauders, who would become the X-Men’s main antagonists, and their most devious act would include committing mutant genocide against the Morlocks in the New York City sewers while dealing critical wounds to main X-Men team members Kitty Pryde, Nightcrawler, and Colossus during the fight.

Later, the X-Men were seemingly killed in a struggle with the mystical being known as the Adversary, but in reality they went into hiding in their new Australian outback base.

Illyana Rasputin lost control of the hell dimension Limbo which led to a demon invasion of Manhattan.

And finally, perhaps most prominently, Cyclops left his wife Madelyne Pryor and their son to get back together with Jean Grey, an act that led Madelyne to become corrupted with Pheoenix Force power and to turn into the Goblin Queen.

This era of X-Men comics contains the first major crossovers between the main X-Men comic book and its spinoffs. These events would become common as Marvel found ways to use its more strongly published works to carry the weaker ones, and the ploy still works apparently since here I am 30 years later reading 500 page omnibus collections just because there are 4 or 5 absolutely killer X-Men comic books in them. I love the X-Men so much that I’m willing to wade through the unending buildup to get the most out of the climaxes.

Seriously this artwork.

However, I find that this style of editing leads to a peculiar trend in pacing that can be tough to recover from in-between the major storylines. As Mutant Massacre leads into Fall of the Mutants, which then leads into Inferno, the characters are faced with consistently increasing stakes. With each passing story line, casualties grow and become more grave, and the consequences are more lasting. Mutant Massacre starts with the genocide of a mutant community, and several main characters are critically wounded as the X-Men face the worst defeat they’ve ever experienced. Then a year later in Fall of the Mutants, just as the team is starting to recover, the entire team of X-Men is killed during their battle against the Adversary. They would immediately be resurrected as a reward for sacrificing themselves to save the world, but it is still a defeat that claims the lives of every member of the team, if only for a moment. By the time we get to Inferno, the world is literally ending. Demons are raining from the sky and regular people are straight up getting slaughtered in the streets and elevators as the X-Men are more or less helpless to stop the destruction.

Inferno is an amazing storyline, if only for all the scenes of inanimate objects coming to life and straight up eviscerating common folk who are just minding their own business. Look at this shit!!! How did the comics code of conduct ever approve this. A mob of people just packed themselves into a demon FOOD PROCESSOR and every inch of them was liquefied except their bones. Chilling. (And let’s just forget about how the writers retconned all this blood orgy stuff in the Inferno Epilogue).

This all works in a capitalistic sense. Constantly raise the stakes and don’t let up for a second because if you do, the reader will take their eyes off the page and you will lose money. But the problem is, you can’t do this forever. And if you try, eventually you are going to write yourself into a corner where you’ve raised the stakes so many times, and you’ve re-manufactured the drama so often, people will stop caring. I call this the Dragon Ball effect.

How many times have these characters become gods at this point? Like three movies ago, the most recent movie was literally called “Battle of Gods.” I’m not even watching Super. Once your characters get so far away from humanistic stories people can relate to, you are no longer creating art. You’re manufacturing sensationalism. And it gets boring. These guys are starting to look like different flavors of freezie pops.

Maybe this is why the X-Men comics that come after this, the comics that make up the last leg of writer Chris Claremont’s 17 year run on the series, become so weird. Because perhaps there was no way to continue to raise the stakes any higher. After this point, we don’t get any more big crossovers until X-Tinction Agenda, but even that story is small and quaint when compared to what is presented here. Wolverine completely disappears from the series, all our other favorite characters disappear into the Seige Perilous to be transformed into completely different versions of themselves, and we get a lot of surreal stories that don’t have any sort of climax in the way that we’ve been conditioned to expect. The series becomes murky and ambiguous, without a solid narrative arc, and I think that’s why people regard the end of Chris Claremont’s writing on the series to be the weakest part of his run.

I can’t wait to read the X-Men comics that are coming up next. Because I didn’t know what in the FUCK was going on in these comics when I was a kid and I’m hoping they make more sense now.

Anyway, I’ll be the judge of all that, once I get there. (I may even indulge in the Infinity Gauntlet omnibus because, you know, there’s a couple X-Men involved in that). But regardless of what comes after this, I think it’s also true that the crossovers presented in this reading are generally regarded with less respect than Chris Claremont’s earlier work on the series, such as the Dark Phoenix Saga and Days of Future Past. This I don’t agree with. While the stories in this reading do range in quality, with Fall of the Mutants definitely being the weakest of the three big crossovers, and even though the Uncanny X-Men portion of Inferno isn’t even the central story of that crossover (the critical story elements take place in the far inferior issues of New Mutants and <ugh> X-Terminators written by Louise Simonson), Claremont’s writing is still much stronger, more layered, and more elegant than anything else that is presented in these collections. These crossovers may not be as timeless or original as the most famous X-Men stories, but the writing here is still really darn good and engaging (at least in Uncanny X-Men), and in my opinion, does not represent a decline in aptitude on the part of the writer. It’s clear that Claremont’s writing has continued to mature and become more nuanced, so much so that when you compare it to the first issues he wrote for the series, it seems like he’s a completely different writer.

KALIDASCOPICALLY. Again, these were just the silliest panels I could find after looking for about 25 seconds.

Personally, I love this period of X-Men comics. Under Claremont’s executive control, no plot thread gets dropped. No minor detail goes disregarded. Characters continue to grow and develop at such a natural pace, sometimes it feels like my own life is developing right alongside theirs. This adds depth to these readings and I can’t describe how it feels to be a part of them, and I think it’s this element that is missing from so many other comic books written by so many other comic book writers, including nearly every X-Men story written after Chris Claremont left the series.

Case in point, there are so many minor recurring characters that appear in these stories, like Franklin Richards. (I seriously tear up every time I see these panels). This little guy bounces around the Power Pack, the X-Men, and the Fantastic Four like a ping pong ball. He’s a key character in the story line where Kitty Pryde finally recovers from the wounds she suffered during Mutant Massacre. And even though Kitty and Franklin have only met each other a few times, those meetings have meaning and they are remembered and called upon in the telling of the current story. All of the efforts made by the writers and editors to keep the narrative linked make these characters seem like real life people with weight and substance, rather than a thin layer of ink on a piece of paper. And it totally works.

Ugh, this review turned into another circle jerk about the writers of these comics, and especially about Chris Claremont. But what can I say. It’s because of the writers that we are here. Love or hate these comics, and I know Claremont’s wordy scripts are not everyone’s cup of tea, but these are the stories that make the X-Men what they are. It’s tough to be aware of these things when you’re in the middle of reading them, but I’m having the absolute best time writing this blog right now, and it is primarily because these are the comics that resonate with me the most. And when I’m finished with Claremont’s material and I’m slogging through some crap written by Chuck Austen, I bet I’m going to look back on these days with envy.

#x-men #review #madelyne pryor #jean grey #inferno #Mutant Massacre #fall of the mutants

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gross-gal · 4 years

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yo!! i dont know jackshit about Darkstalkers!! What's it about?? What do you like about it?? What do you NOT like about it?? Tell me alll!!!! (@gamer-gremlin-gf-ships)

AAAAAA THANK YOU @gamer-gremlin-gf-ships

SO. I’LL PUT THIS UNDER READ MORE BECAUSE THERE’S A LOT.

Darkstalkers is a fighting game developed by Capcom. The main gimmick is that, most of, the fighters are based off of horror archetypes. So ya got vampires, zombies, frankensteins, fishmen, ghosts, all that shit.

There isn’t really much story wise I can elaborate on since, fighting games don’t usually have that much of a story to begin with. BUT, in Darkstalkers 1 and 2, main story is that this big bad dude named Pyron kinda wants to determine if the Earth is worthy to be ruled under him or if he’ll destroy it. Pyron is a shape shifting alien dude from the planet, Hellstorm and he’s really looking for a good brawl so he goes and fights the most powerful Darkstalker, which is whoever you choose to play as.

Now then, to avoid confusion, Darkstalkers 1 and 2 (or Vampire Hunter/Night Warriors: Darkstalkers’ Revenge) are basically the same game. 2 is more of an updated version of 1, has two new characters, better gameplay, and it also changes some part of the story because Demitri (the vampire dude) actually was the one who originally started the whole tournment thing in determining who was the most powerful and I think? Pyron kinda ends up in the way. In 2, it basically is changed to Pyron is the one that starts the tournament, and that’s the canonical version.

So 2 isn’t really that much of a sequel, while Darkstalkers 3 (or Vampire Savior) is an actual sequel to the series. This introduces the antagonist, Jedah Dohma, whose plot is that he wants to collect all the powerful darkstalker souls and put them into this big demon baby, which then be used as a vessel for him. Jedah’s whole thing is that he’s basically disappointed in what has become of the demon world (makai world) and decides that he’s going to annihilate both the demons and humans. He sees himself as a savior, and while there really isn’t a protag, Jedah kind of is considered to be one in 3.

NOW. WHAT IS A DARKSTALKER? It’s literally just...fucking monster? I guess? There really isn’t a specific definition but just know, everyone, besides B.B. Hood because she’s the only true human in the series, is a Darkstalker.

Just gonna get my problems out of the way. Obviously, the series has some sexual stuff, which is fine but it can get uncomfortable. Demitri is a pretty big example since he literally has an ability that just involves transforming the opponent into a younger, more desirable person so that he can drain their blood? I won’t go to into it since it’s gross but yeah. Then of course there’s Lilith and yeah...REALLY WISH THEY DIDN’T MAKE HER LOOK LIKE THAT BECAUSE SHE’S A PRETTY COOL CHARACTER.

Darkstalkers also doesn’t offer much as far as a story, this is sort of good because it offers a lot of freedom as far as writing, but to be honest? A lot of stuff which tries to elaborate on the Darkstalkers lore or whatever, KIND OF SUCKS. I myself, am not into the Udon comics or the mangas, the OVA also doesn’t offer much of a great story. Which is a shame because Darkstalkers has a lot of potential but so many attempts, just kinda fail because they miss the point in the series. Udon and the Vampire Savior manga in particular because they take the series way too seriously or just characterize really strangely? The OVA probably offers the best in terms of story but it’s not even much because the only actual good and satisfying one, is Donovan’s story. His is the only one that actually has a conclusion. Otherwise, the OVA suffers from poor pacing, lots of exposition, or just OOC moments. LIKE??? REALLY DOESN’T MAKE SENSE AS TO WHY FELICIA GETS ALONG WITH ZABEL OR MORRIGAN ENDING UP WITH DEMITRI?

And then I guess a more minor complaint. Darkstalkers has a very specific style, I really think the series look best in the first two games and in the OVA. I personally am not a big fan of the character art in 3 jdskal

NOW FOR THE POSITIVES.

I CANNOT EMPHASIZE ENOUGH HOW MUCH I ADORE THE ART AND ANIMATION IN THE SERIES????

The main artists for the series are Bengus (Gouda Cheese) and Daigo Ikeno. Bengus really fucking nailed how the series should look. It’s got that perfect balance of the gothic, sensual aesthetic with exaggeration and fuckin weirdness of the series. Darkstalkers is a series that completely embraces it’s wacky side and just how campy it’s influences are. I mostly love Bengus’ earlier works from 1 and 2. Daigo’s stuff is much more casual and less elaborate compared to Bengus’ works but I kinda love that, he’s really great at showing off the characters in more casual situations and showing off their goofier sides. I’ll share some of my favorite pieces at the end.

OH GOD. AND HOW CAN I NOT BRING UP THE ANIMATION???

While I wouldn’t say it’s as fluent as Street Fighter Alpha 3′s sprites, because Darkstalkers is able to be more creative with it’s moves, the results are some super wacky and fun animation. Darkstalkers animators heavily referenced old Looney Tunes and Hanna Barbera cartoons when it came to animating. I really don’t know a whole lot of fighting games, especially from Capcom, that look the way Darkstalkers looks. And a lot of that comes from the fact that Darkstalkers isn’t very limited. Characters can launch missles, fireballs, fucking blood?. Characters can extend or manipulate their body. Or just do weird shit like transform characters into basketballs, make characters perform in a rhythm game?, A CHARACTER STRAIGHT UP USES HIS ASS CHEEKS TO GRAB YOU AND SUMMON LIGHTNING?? Everything is super fucking wild and that’s what makes the series.

A lot of people say Darkstalkers needs to be gorey and sexual but that’s really not what the series is about. Yes, Darkstalkers is def sensual but it also really doesn’t take itself seriously. That’s what so many people miss. And honestly? Even though it was terrible, the American cartoon ends up being the most accurate to the source material because it gives no fucks and so much weird shit just happens.

Another thing I love about Darkstalkers is how much it subverts it’s characters and just how creative they got. You have an Australian zombie rockstar, a catlady that’s also an idol and a nun??, a demon possessed samurai ghost armor guy. The character design is genuinely fucking brillant and not at all what you’d expect to get when given the idea for monster characters. I would talk about the characters but you see how long this post is starting to get.

And I haven’t talked that much about gameplay but Darkstalkers feels fucking great. If you’re curious about which game to get into, absolutely go with 3/Vampire Savior. It feels great, combo inputs are relatively simple, you can straight up beat the game just by button mashing, and no character really feels too similar. It’s also a very fast game too, if you ever watch tournaments, they go by so fast and when you play it, you’re very much engaged. It’s a game that requires a lot of attention and I enjoy that. I also have to mention this but, pretty much every character has their own unfair, bullshit tactic that, if you plan on getting good, will require you to figure out how to avoid depending on what character you use. There’s a sorta popular joke with the game that, it’s balanced if all the characters are broken. I’ll admit, probably not the best game for someone like me that sucks as far as remembering stuff and being able to plan ahead, but I still have lots of fun with the game!

I really didn’t expect to become as engaged in the series as I did but there is a lot to appreciate about Darkstalkers. It’s unfortunate to because, sadly, Darkstalkers likely will never get another game.

While the series is technically popular, it’s still way too niche compared to most fighting games. It just never had the same impact as other fighting games, and ultimately, no matter how good those games feel to play, there’s always shit like Marvel vs Capcom that just is more well known and features more stuff that just is what people prefer going to. I think Capcom will pretty much stick with having Darkstalkers characters appear in crossover games vs actually giving the franchise another game

They tries reviving it with Resurrection, which was a re-release of the games on Xbox and Playstation, but it hardly even sold that many copies. Which is where the phrase “Darkstalkers are not Dead” originated from, a phrase that has become a joke now in the fighting game community. Even if they were to revive the series, it’d be difficult recapturing that same vibe since most of the original crew are working on completely separate projects. There’s also a part of me that does fear the idea of another game because of how it’ll be handled. I’ve heard people mention possibly having the Skullgirls team develop or maybe Arc Systems, I just don’t want a lot of the charm to be lost in a sequel.

Since a fighting game isn’t really possible, I do hope for maybe a show or comic series that explores the characters and story more.

My brain is kinda blanking rn but yeah. I just fucking love this series a lot. I hope maybe someday I can contribute something great to this franchise and I hope you listened to me ramble about it.

#i am so fucking sorry #but thank you djsakljdskalda #Anonymous

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weekendwarriorblog · 3 years

Text

The Weekend Warrior 4/23/21: MORTAL KOMBAT, DEMON SLAYER, TOGETHER TOGETHER, STREET GANG, SISTERS WITH TRANSISTORS

Ugh. Trying to maintain this column as a weekly entity during the final few weeks of the longest Oscar season ever has been really hard, and I’m not sure that will change once the Oscars are over either, because I look at the number of movies being released both theatrically and streaming over the next few weeks, and it makes my head hurt. Sorry for the kvetching, it just is what it is.

There are two big theatrical releases this weekend, Warner Bros’ MORTAL KOMBAT and DEMON SLAYER THE MOVIE: MUGEN TRAIN from FUNImation Entertainment, both which have already been released internationally. I also probably won’t be able to watch or review either before this column gets posted.

Mortal Kombat seems like the easiest sell being that it’s based on the popular Midway Games video game franchise introduced in the early ‘90s that led to a series of films, books, comics and you name it. It was a very popular fighting game that had over a dozen iterations including one in which MK characters fought against DC superheroes.

The very first Mortal Kombat movies opened in 1995, right amidst MK-mania, and it was directed by one Paul W.S. Anderson, his very first movie in a long line of video game-related movies, including a number of Resident Evil and the recent Monster Hunter. There are a lot of people who love those games, and yes, even people who love that and other movies, but to others, who may have been too old to get into the games when they came out, the whole thing about different fighters fighting each other just looks kind of studio. Even though I’m interested to see what producer James Wan brings to this reboot, I just don’t have much interest otherwise.

Unfortunately, and this is pretty daunting, Warner Bros. wasn’t sending out screeners to critics until Wednesday with a review embargo for Thursday night at 7pm, which is never a good sign, and yet, it continues Warner Bros. continuing the trend of being one of the only studios that screeners EVERY movie to film critics rather than just making them pay to see it on Thursday night or Friday. I hope to watch it and maybe add something Thursday night, time-permitting. Not sure you heard but the Oscars are Sunday.

As far as box office, Mortal Kombat opens on Friday but also premieres on HBO Max, and I’m not sure there will be as much urge to see MK on the largest screen possible, as there was with Godzilla vs. Kong. Because of that, I think the cap for this one over the three-day weekend is about $10 million but not much more and probably more frontloaded to Friday than we’ve seen in some time.

Mini-Review: As you can imagine from my statement above, I don’t hold the Mortal Kombat games or other iterations in any particular high esteem, so I’m basically jumping into this movie, directed by Simon McQuoid, just as a movie and not necessarily as a video game movie.

It starts off promising enough like a samurai movie with a flashback where we watch Hiroyuki Sanada’s hero sees his wife and son be killed by Joe Taslim’s character that will later become Sub-Zero. The general principle seems to be that there’s a world where people from other worlds fight each other to gain complete control. The hero is Lewis Tan’s MMA fighter Cole Young, presumably a popular character from the game? He is also soon attacked by Sub-Zero presumably because he’s marked with a dragon tattoo that deems him a champion of these fights, but he needs to find someone named Sonya Blade (Jessica McNamee) to help him get to the “Mortal Kombat.” At the same time, he meets the movie’s most entertaining character, Kane,

played by Australian actor Josh Lawson, mainly because he swears constantly and cracks wise -- he’s a bit like Wolverine, actually, and he’s actually the best part of the movie.

Otherwise, everyone and everything is always so deadly serious that everyone else we meet just doesn’t have much impact, because frankly, none of these names or characters mean jack shit to me. Sure, some of them sound vaguely familiar but I was more interested in the great Asian actors who turn up including Tadanobu Asano’s Lord Raiden, who is gonna claim Earth if its champions lose at Mortal Kombat. And Sub-Zero basically just shows up and tries to kill everyone.

As with far too many action movies, the action itself is great, the writing and acting not so much.

As it goes along, things become more epic and fantasy-driven but that also makes the dialogue seem even worse. Similarly, the fight choreography is pretty great, but the movie still leans way too heavily on visual FX to keep it more interesting for anyone not too interested in MMA… like myself. When all else fails, they can show off Sub-Zero’s cool ice powers every chance possible as well as the other’s powers, but some of them (like Lord Raiden) just made me think of this as a rip-off of the great Big Trouble in Little China.

The thing is I’m not a fan of the video game nor of MMA, so Mortal Kombat really doesn’t have much to offer me. The whole thing just seems very silly, just like almost everything from the ‘90s. (How’s THAT for a bad take?)

That said, I thought the final battle was great, and I enjoyed some of the gorier aspects of the fights, too, and it all leads to my favorite part, which is the three-way fight between Cole, Sub-Zero, and… actually I’m not sure if it’s a spoiler or not, but it’s a pretty cool fight that almost makes up for some of the dumber characters introduced earlier on. (LIke that guy with four arms. I know he’s a character in the games, but I didn’t even care enough to look up his name.)

It’s perfectly fine that they decided to go Rated R with the movie since most of the nostalgia for this movie and franchise will be towards older guys, but at times, the CG blood is so hinky it feels like the decision to go R-rated was made well after it was filmed.

Even though I went in with the lowest of expectations, I still found most of Mortal Kombat kinda trite and boring, maybe something I’d appreciate more as a teenager but not so much as a grown adult. But what do you expect for a movie based on a video game that’s just a bunch of “cool fights”?

Rating: 5.5/10

And yet, Demon Slayer could be the surprise breakout of the weekend, considering the theatrical success FUNimation has had with theatrical releases of the My Hero Academia movies into theaters in 2018 and 2020, and the hugely successful Dragon Ball Super: Brolly, which grossed $31 million domestically after a surprise $20.2 million in its first five days in roughly 1,200 movies. In fact, it made $7 million its opening Wednesday in January 2019, and FUNimation is hoping that Demon Slayer will have a similar success by opening it for a single day (Thursday) in IMAX theaters before Mortal Kombat takes over on Friday.

Demon Slayer has already grossed $383.7 million internationally compared to Mortal Kombat’s $10.7 million, and you cannot ignore the huge popularity that anime has seen over the past few decades. In fact, a bunch of screenings for Demon Slayer in NYC have already sold out, although you have to bear in mind that these are 25% capacity theaters. Even so, I still think this can make $4 to 5 million on Thursday and another $7 to 8 million over the weekend, depending on the number of theaters. Yes, it will be quite frontloaded, and I’m not sure what the cap is on theaters and how that will affect how it does over the weekend, but expect a big Thursday and a more moderate weekend but one that might give both Mortal Kombat and Godzilla vs. Kong a run for the top of the box office.

Also hitting theaters before streaming on Netflix (on April 30) is THE MITCHELLS VS. THE MACHINES, the new animated movie produced by Chris Miller and Philip Lord, following their Oscar win for Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse. It’s a little weird to open a new animated movies, presumably in select theaters, when such a hugely anticipated animated movie like Demon Slayer is opening, but Netflix won’t

The movie itself is directed by Michael Rianda and Jeff Rowe, and it involves a family named the Mitchells, whose eldest daughter Katie (voiced by Abbi Jacobson) is leaving home for college, so her father (voiced by Danny McBride) decides that he’s going to drive her there and use it as the chance for a cross-country family trip. Meanwhile, it’s set up how the world becomes overrun with robots when a tech giant creates a new personal assistant.

I wasn’t sure whether I’d like this even though I’m generally a fan of all of Lord/Miller’s animated movies including both Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs movies. It took me a little time to get into the family and the general premise. In some ways it reminded me of Edgar Wright’s The World’s End where it’s trying to merge these two disparate genres, but when they actually merge, it just doesn’t work as well as it may have seemed on paper. That worry is soon expunged, because Rianda finds ways to integrate the two ideas over time.

On the trip, the Mitchells run into their perfect family neighbors, the Poseys -- voiced by Krissy Teigen, John Legend and Charlyne Yi -- and you’d think they might be a bigger part of the movie then they actually are. I’m not sure I would have liked doing the family-vs.-family thing so soon after last year’s Croods movie, but I did love the dynamics of the Mitchells being a very relatable imperfect family with Danny McBride being particularly great voicing the family patriarch. It even has a really touching Pixar’s Up moment of Katie’s father watching old home movies of them together when she was younger.

In general, the filmmakers have assembled a pretty amazing voice cast that includes Conan O’Brien, Olivia Colman, Fred Armisen and Beck Bennett. Actually the weirdest voice choice is Katie’s younger brother Aaron, voiced by Rianda himself, and it sounds like a strange older man trying to be a kid, so it doesn’t work as well as others.

What I genuinely liked about Mitchells vs. the Machines is that it doesn’t go out of its way to talk down to overly sensitive kiddies or skimp on the action while also including elements that parents will enjoy as well, and to me, that’s the ideal of a family film.

While some might feel that The Mitchells vs. the Machines is fairly standard animated fare, it ends up being a fun cross between National Lampoon’s Vacation (cleaned up for the kiddies) with Will Smith’s I, Robot, actually, and yet, it somehow does work. It’s a shame that it’s really not getting a theatrical release except to be awards-eligible.

Next, we have two really great movies I saw at Sundance this year and really enjoyed immensely…

So as I mentioned, I first saw Nikole Beckwith’s TOGETHER TOGETHER (Bleecker Street), starring Ed Helms and Patti Harrison, at Sundance, and it was one of my favorite movies there with Helms playing a middle-aged single guy named Matt, who hires the much-younger Anna (Harrison) to be his surrogate, because he wants a baby. It’s a tough relationship thrown together due to each of their respective necessities.

Part of what drives the movie is how different Matt and Anna are, him being quite inappropriate with his suggestions and requests but not really having a working knowledge of female anatomy, pregnancy, delivery etc, but being really eager to raise a child and having the money that Anna clearly does not.

While I was familiar with Helms from The Office, The Hangover, etc. I really didn’t know Patti Harrison at all. Apparently, she’s a stand-up comic who hasn’t done a ton of acting, comedic or otherwise. That’s pretty amazing when you watch this movie and see her dry sardonic wit playing well against Helms’ generally lovable doofus. What I also didn’t realize and frankly, I don’t really see this as something even worth mentioning, is that she’s a trans woman playing a clearly CIS part, and she kills it. I certainly wouldn’t have known nor did it really affect my enjoyment of the movie, yet it still seems like such a brave statement on the part of the director and Harrison herself. The thing is that Harrison isn't just a terrific actress in her own right, but she brings out aspects of Helms that I never thought I would ever possibly see. (If it isn't obvious, I'm not the biggest fan of Helms.)

The movie has a great sense of humor, as it gets the most out of this awkward duo and then throws so many great supporting actors into the cast around them that it’s almost impossible not to enjoy the laughs. There’s the testy Sonogram tech, played by Sufe Bradshaw from Veep, who tries to maintain her composure and bite her tongue, but you can tell she’s having none of it. Others who show up, including Tig Notero, Norah Dunn and Fred Melamed. Just when you least expect it, Anna Conkle from Pen15, shows up as one of those delivery gurus that make the two of them feel even more awkward.

What’s nice is that this never turns into the typical meet cute rom-com that some might be expecting, as Beckwith’s film is more about friendship and companionship and being there for another, and the lack of that romantic spark even as chemistry develops between them is what makes this film so enjoyably unique. Beckwith’s sense of humor combined with her dynamic duo stars makes Together Together the best comedy about pregnancy probably since Knocked Up.

Another great Sundance movie and actually one of my two favorite recent documentaries AND one of the best movies I’ve seen this year is… you know what? I haven’t done this for a while so this is this week’s “CHOSEN ONE”!! (Fanfare)

(Photo courtesy: Robert Fuhring/Courtesy Sesame Workshop)

Marilyn (Mad Hot Ballroom) Agrilo’s STREET GANG: HOW WE GOT TO SESAME STREET (Screen Media/HBO Documentaries) is a fantastic doc about the long-running and popular PBS kids show that’s every bit as good as Morgan Neville’s Mr. Rogers doc, Won’t You Be My Neighbor? Which was robbed of an Oscar nomination a few years back.

Let me make something clear on the day I’m writing this, April 21, 2021, that this is my favorite movie of the year, the only one I’ve already given a 10/10, and the end of the year might come around, and I have a feeling it will still be my #1.

You see, I was raised a Sesame Street kid. It’s not like I didn’t read or play outside or not get the attention of my parents or family, but there was so much of my happy, young life that I could attribute to my time watching Sesame Street, and when you watch Marily Agrilo’s amazing doc, it all comes rushing back. There is stuff in this movie that I haven’t seen in maybe 50 years but that I clearly remember laughing at, and there’s stuff that got into the mind of a young Ed that influenced my love of humor and music and just outright insanity. Sure, I loved The Muppet Show, too, but it was a different experience, so to watch a movie about the show with all sorts of stuff I had never seen or knew, that’s what makes Street Gang such a brilliant documentary, and easily one of the best we’ll see this year. Of that I have no doubt.

From the very origins of the show with Joan Cooney developing a show that will be entertaining and educational to the kids being plopped down in front of the TV in the ‘60s and ‘70s, so they can learn something, it’s just 1:46 of straight-up wonderment.

Besides getting to see a lot of the beloved actors/characters from the show and many of the surviving players like Carol Spinney aka Big Bird/Oscar, you can see how this show tried to create something that wasn’t just constantly advertising to young minds.

More than anything, the show is a love letter to the bromance between Jim Henson and Frank Oz, and you get to see so many of their bits and outtakes that make their Muppets like Burt and Ernie and Grover and, of course, Kermit, so beloved by kids that even cynical adults like myself would revert childhood just thinking about them. Then on top of that there’s the wonderful music and songs of Christopher Cerf and Joe Raposo and others, songs that would permeate the mainstream populace and be remembered for decades.

The movie is just a tribute to the joy of childhood and learning to love and sing and dance and just have fun and not worry about the world. I’m not sure if kids these days have anything like that.

It also gets quite sad, and I’m not embarrassed to say that in the sequence that covers the death of Mr. Hooper, I was outright bawling, and a few minutes later, when Jim Henson dies in 1990, I completely lost it. That’s how much this show meant to me and to so many people over the decades, and Brava to Ms. Agrilo for creating just the perfect document to everything that Sesame Street brought to so many people’s lives. This is easily the best documentary this year, and woe be to any Academy that doesn’t remember it at year’s end.

The other fantastic doc out this week, though I actually got to see it last year, is Lisa Rovner’s SISTERS WITH TRANSISTORS (Metrograph Pictures), which will play at the Metrograph, both on demand and part of its Digital Live Screenings (available to join for just $5 a month!). This is an endlessly fascinating doc that looks at the women of electronic music and the early days of synthesizers and synthesis and some of the female pioneers. It’s narrated by Laurie Anderson, which couldn’t be the more perfect combination.

The movie covers the likes of Suzanne Cianni; Forbidden Planet composers Louis and Bebe Barron, who created the first all-electronic score for that movie; the amazing Wendy Carlos, who electronically scored one of my favorite movies of all time, Kubrick’s A Clockwork Orange; Delia Derbyshire, who was also the subject of Caroline Catz’s short, Delia Derbyshire: The Myths and Legendary Tapes, which tragically, I missed when it premiered at the SXSW Film Festival in March. Derbyshire was also famous for creating the iconic theme to “Doctor Who” while working at the BBC Radiophonic Workshop in the '60s. Others who appear in the movie, either via archival footage or more recent interviews are Pauline Oliveros and Laurie Spiegel, who I was less familiar with.

The point is that as someone who was a fantastic for electronic music and synthesizers from a very early age and for someone who feels he’s very familiar with all angles of music, I learned a lot from watching Rovner’s film, and I enjoyed it just as much a second time, because the footage assembled proves what amazing work these women were doing and rarely if ever getting the credit for what they brought to electronic music, something that still resonates with the kids today who love things like EDM.

An endlessly fascinating film with so much great music and footage, Sisters with Transistors can be watched exclusively through the Metrograph’s Live Screening series, so don’t miss it!

Hitting Shudder this week is Chris Baugh’s BOYS FROM COUNTY HELL (Shudder), which I didn’t get a chance to watch before writing this week’s column, but Shudder in general has been knocking it out of the park with the amazing horror movies it’s been releasing on a weekly basis. This one involves a quarelling father and son on a road who must survive the night when they awaken an ancient Irish vampire.

Also hitting theaters and streamers and digital this week:

THE MARIJUANA CONSPIRACY (Samuel Goldwyn Films)

MY WONDERFUL WANDA (Zeitgeist Films)

WET SEASON (Strand Releasing)

CRESTONE (Utopia)

VANQUISH (Lionsgate)

BLOODTHIRSTY (Brainstorm)

SASQUATCH (Hulu)

SHADOW AND BONE (Netflix)

And that wraps up this week. Next week? No idea… I know there’s stuff coming out but I probably won’t think about it until after THE OSCARS!!!! On Sunday.

#movies #mortalkombat #demonslayer #weekendwarrior #reviews #sisters with transistors #togethertogether #mitchellsvsmachines #streaming

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dramaqueeenamby · 5 years

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35. You make me feel safe. Summer x Chris if it’s not too late 😊

A/N: CLEARLY, I do not know how to do these prompts because this thing....is two....thousand....words.

I hate myself.

I really hope you see and like this, anon!

"I think I’m going to be sick."

Summer gripped the counter of the face board in her townhouse, looking over at her manager. "Is it too late to back out?"

Mercedes rolled her hazel eyes. "A little, yeah."

"Shit," Summer cursed, closing her eyes and waving off the woman. "I’ll be fine. Just-give me a few minutes."

"Summer, we’re already-"

"Please."

She sighed and nodded. "Of course."

When Summer realized Mercedes was out of the bedroom and out of hearing distance, she started to do deep breathing.

"You can do this, Summer," she reminded herself. "You made it through Comic-Con. You can do anything. You a boss ass bitch, bitch, bit…..” Her thoughts drifted to the anxiety that accompanied her first Comic-Con appearance. "Shit."

She started to pace back and forth, holding her dress up so that it didn’t brush against the floor.

"And why the hell did I not wear pants?" She groaned with frustration. "Now I have to worry about tripping on my own damn two feet."

She looked over at her phone, grabbing and unlocking it as she read over the last few texts she had with Evans.

"I should have agreed," she murmured, reading the one where he asked for the eighteenth time if she wanted to arrive with him so that she wasn’t alone.

Like an idiot, she’d declined, citing that he couldn’t hold her hand everywhere, and she’d be fine.

Clearly, that was not the case because she was seconds away from ditching the whole thing altogether, contractual obligations be damned.

Tonight was the L.A. Premiere for Age of Ultron, the night where the world would finally see the MCU’s introduction of her character, Storm. Not only was she worried about fandom and critical reactions, but she was experiencing moderate anxiety just thinking about having to walk the red carpet.

They were far from her favorite. She’d started to hyperventilate at the New York premiere of 4AM, and skipped out entirely on the red carpet at the Oscar’s that year.

If not for the alcohol she’d drank during the pre-party, she probably would have hurled or fainted during her acceptance speech that night.

So yeah, Summer didn’t have the best track record when it came to that damn knockoff Aladdin carpet.

She just wished she’d thought more about how stressful this would be for her prior to the premiere.

Even if she wanted to call or text Evans, it was too late. He was already there, probably giving a drunk interview to some poor reporter.

He’d been smart to get drunk a couple hours before so that he wouldn’t be completely buzzed.

"Fuck it," she murmured, gripping her phone and hitting the light switch as she walked out. "Cedes, is it too late to-" Summer stopped in the middle of the hallway and in her sentence.

"Christopher?" He was talking to Mercedes who turned around and stepped to the side, not wanting to get in the way of the two. "What? Did you and Evans decide to do the whole twinning thing?" She joked weakly. His suit was a light gray, sharp, the blue tie a nice contrast to the designer ensemble, and a compliment to his beautiful blue eyes. His hair was short, and he was growing out his facial hair again, something she’d expressed she liked on him. Bottom line, the man looked good.

"Never mind.” She walked over to him, craning her head up and crossing her arms. "What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be on your way?" Again, before he could say anything. "Shit, I guess I should be too. I’m coming. I swear. I just….my brows!" She gestured to them. "They out here looking like second cousins twice removed. The ghetto."

She shook her head. "Something happened to my first outfit, so we had to go with my backup, and I’m not sure how I feel about it. I feel like it doesn’t flatter my shape, and my boobs! Dude, it’s suffocating them. I couldn’t even wear a bra." Her eyes widened. "Shit, can you tell? You can. Can’t you?" She pressed her fingers against her temple and turned away to head back in her room. "That’s it. I have to chan-"

"Summer." He spoke firmly, reaching for her arm and slowly spinning her back around. Summer finally took note of how he was looking at her, like he was in a trance, like he couldn’t take his eyes off of her even if he wanted to.

She frowned, suddenly uncomfortable with his lingering gaze. "What? Why are you looking at me like that? Stop being weird. I’ll call the SWAT team."

He ignored her remark and moved closer, grasping her hands in his. "Summer-"

"I know my name, Christopher." She rolled her eyes. "Tell me something that I don’t know."

"I don’t think I’ve ever been rendered speechless by a woman, but I honestly cannot tell you what the fuck you just said in the last five minutes because I can’t get over how beautiful you look."

Her jaw dropped before she faltered with a quiet reply. "I was just insulting you and…babbling, I suppose."

"So nothing important," he said plainly. She glared and hit him in his chest before he moved his hands to her hips and pulled her into him. "Sweetheart, do you want to go tonight?"

She shrugged and looked away. "I’d like to not get arrested by the Marvel police."

"That’s not what I asked you." There wasn’t an ounce of humor in his voice or face, a rarity. She didn’t really know how to respond to that, which is why she stayed quiet. "If you don’t want to go, we won’t go."

She looked up at him. "We?" Summer sighed. "Are you crazy, Chris? Can you imagine what kind of trouble you’d be in-"

"Don’t worry about me, Summer," he quickly dismissed, moving his hand to cup the back of her neck. "So again, I ask you, what do you want to do? And I want the truth, Summer."

Summer processed his question. A part of her wanted to go. She’d worked so hard for almost two years, and she deserved to see the product of all her hard work. It was just…she may have underestimated what that product would involve.

Comic-Con was very different from the red carpet where she’d been under constant scrutiny, cameras flashing, being bombarded with questions.

"Hey. Look at me." Summer blinked a few times as she realized she was crying and starting to hyperventilate. He pressed his lips to her forehead and wiped her tears. "Focus on me."

"Don’t tell me what to do, Aussie," she murmured as he kissed her temple one last time before pulling away.

"Get undressed," he instructed, starting to loosen his tie. "God that thing was tight."

"Christopher-"

"I’m sorry, why don’t I see clothes dropping?"

"That’s it. I’m calling Chris Hansen."

————

"Does this count as bestiality?"

"Wh-what the hell kind of porn do you watch to even know about that?"

"I’d much rather participate." She quipped a brow. "Okay, that’s not what I meant."

Summer laughed and shook her head, further burying herself in his chest, his arm tightening around her. "And stop talking. It’s about to get good.“

"That’s what you said three episodes ago, and-Jesus, are they about to fuck in the morgue?" Summer’s smile widened as she looked up at his mortified expression. "What kind of sick show is this?"

While almost all of LA was at the premiere where she and Chris should have been, they were lying in bed in her place as she forced him to watch one of her favorite shows, Beauty and the Beast.

At first, she couldn’t take her mind off how much trouble they were going to be in. She was as good as fired, and he was going to be replaced with Liam. That was one of her theories. There were many, all of which Christopher only laughed off, kissing her forehead and rubbing her back as he assured her that he’d take care of everything.

It was….strange. How easily they meshed, how comfortable he made her feel. All of the medications in the world couldn’t do for her anxiety what one smile or warm embrace from the Australian could do.

“You know, most of the guys I’ve dated couldn’t understand why I can’t just “get over” this “anxiety shit.” She admitted with a sad chuckle as Chris bit back a cruel remark, replacing it with one not as harsh but equally appropriate.

“Fucking dumbass.”

“That’s what I said,” she smiled and shrugged. “Among…other…crude… and especially cruel things.”

“They deserved it.”

“Agreed, Mr. Hemsworth.” she laughed before licking her lips and taking a deep breath. "Christopher."

"We can finally watch Game of Thrones?"

"Don’t make me stab you."

"Such violence," he sighed, watching how she kept trying to inch closer to him, her body practically on top of his as she laid her head on his shoulder. "Don’t tell me you’re getting soft on me, July."

"It’s so different with you," she whispered, absentmindedly walking her fingers across his defined chest. "You…you make me feel safe." Summer looked up at him with a crooked smile. "Must be an Australian thing."

She gasped as he flipped them, hovering over her, gently kissing her neck. "Or something else."

She chewed on her bottom lip. "Now who’s getting soft?"

He chuckled. "Is that the American word for it?"

"Punk, sucker, loser, sap, chump, pushover,” She listed, taking a shaky breath as he grabbed her wrists, placing them above her head. "Shall I continue?"

"If you wish," he agreed, his eyes softening. "All of them and more….I’ll gladly be for you. Always." She smiled warmly as he ghosted his lips over hers.

"Always is a long time."

"Not when I’m with you."

She lifted her leg, brushing her thigh against his hip. "I am a bit greedy."

He smiled wryly. "Among other things."

Summer felt her stomach knot as she finally found the courage to stop beating around the bush. "And yet you still love me." Chris’s eyes widened slightly. He wasn’t expecting her to directly address his admission so soon. "You better, Hemsworth. I don��t fall in love so easily, especially with Australians."

"Have you been with any other Aussies?" He dropped his elbow to the bed, going to brush his fingers against her forehead.

She pretended to think, flipping them so that she was on top. "I only have eyes for one." He smirked. "God, he was so good in The Hunger Games."

Chris growled, lifting his hand to the back of her neck. "You know I’ll only take but a few more of these references to my brother."

"Do they bother you?" She teased. "Would you like me to stop?" Summer dropped her mouth to his ear. "Make me."

In a second, they’d switched positions again, but this time, he had her on her stomach before he roughly pulled her onto her knees. Summer braced her hands against the mattress when she felt his hand wrap around her throat and moaned as his hand came down hard on her ass.

She smiled.

"Gladly."

#fic: waves #chris hemsworth x reader #waves drabble #chris hemsworth #Anonymous #dqa ask

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golgoterror · 4 years

Text

Alright, this is ungodly long, but I just wanted to talk about something regarding Jake.

A lot of this fandom -- at least, from what I’ve seen -- label Jake as stupid. Some may even say Jake and smart are antonyms. This could not be further from the truth. It almost irritates me how much the fandom places this mischaracterization on him. Also, I get to talk about The Lad™ for about ten pages worth of words on Google docs, which is always very, very fun for me.

Well, first things first, let’s talk about the child genius and multi-billionaire polymath that is Jake English.

Puzzle Modus.

Let’s begin with something small. Jake’s modus is of puzzlekind! This is described as:

It's quite a handy modus, allowing you to captchalogue objects of any size, as long as you can fit them all in a finite space by maneuvering the cards around like a big game of Tetris. You like it because it keeps you sharp for solving any puzzles you might find when you go out raiding hallowed tombs, which is never. (x)

He likes puzzles! This is a huge headcanon I absolutely adore that has a basis in the comic: He’s a puzzles guy! This is just sort of a neat little fact about him that I adore to the moon and back. Just the idea of Jake fiddling about with a Rubik’s Cube is kind of adorable.

This is how he goes about doing everything every day of his life. I think that’s just amazing! And incredibly smart of him, I might add.

Skaianet.

Jake is shown in the credits to take over Skaianet after the game ended. For those unfamiliar, Skaianet made many things for the game, including but not limited to: the interstellar travel we see, transportalizers, the lab by Rose’s house, all Jake’s fancy-schmancy computers, and Sburb itself. In the beta timeline, Grandpa Harley founded Skaianet. In the alpha timeline, Grandma English did. I know Jake didn’t start it up and trying to pass off his alt-timeline self as him is a bit far-fetched at best, but he had the spoons to take it over. I think that speaks volumes for Jake’s intelligence -- this implies, at the very least, he can understand mathematics and physics at a high level. Remind you of someone we already know?

It is also important to note that Jake does, in fact, build the company back from the ground up, because it went to shit before his grandmother died:

GT: Pretty sure her company made a tidy fortune til it went belly up. At least i still have a few of her knickknacks for keepsakes. (x)

So he built an interstellar company back up -- using what his intelligent grandmother had once used -- to being very useful and practical once again.

As someone with a degree in mathematics and about to finish a degree in physics, I can say this sort of work would for sure require at the very least a decent understanding of quantum mechanics, statistical mechanics, electrodynamics, calculus (vector and differential forms), ordinary and partial differential equations, and perhaps other things like topology. I don’t know about you -- and I’m probably tooting my own horn a bit by saying this -- but I think that’s pretty nifty, if I do say so myself.

Actor.

Once again, I’m reaching into the credits to show that Jake has become a movie star after the game ends. Memorizing all those lines, slipping into characters... Being an actor is no easy feat.

( Side note: This leads into my headcanon that Jake can imitate accents and voices on a whim. No more arguing about whether he has a British, American, or Australian accent -- you’re all right! )

And I would like to add he has two jobs! Skaianet and being a movie star! This guy’s a fucking polymath for Christ’s sake.

Reading People.

Let’s start of simple: Brain Ghost Dirk. I can hear the outcries now of Dirk’s powers being the cause for this. And, yes, I can’t ignore Dirk’s influence in this, but Jake’s hope powers were also needed for the projection to come alive. And the fact he was able to make such a startlingly accurate projecting of Dirk in his own mind is astounding -- even BGD himself thinks so!

TT: You could view me as a projection of the real Dirk within your mind, as expressed through all of your thought patterns about him. TT: So I'm kind of a splinter of his corporeal self who happens to live in your awareness. TT: I'm a startlingly close approximation to the real thing, for all intents and purposes. GT: Just how startlingly close are we talking? TT: I'm not going to give you a bogus percentage like the glasses cause that's not my shtick. TT: But pretty damn close. (x)

A very deep understanding of the other is needed for Jake to do this. That is pretty fucking incredible. He can clearly read people really well -- he had a few times where he was cluing in on Jane and Dirk have feelings for him:

TG: its one of those things jane likes about u so much GT: It is? TG: which TG: errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr im not supposed to talk about 2 u evr so nm GT: Talk about what? TG: nope GT: You mean how um... GT: Well a way in which i suppose... TG: no nope GT: Jane is prone to looking upon me with what i fathom to be more than just friendly affection? (x)

TT: I guess call it an extra birthday present. But instead of a present that's awesome, consider it more like a weird confession that may change the way you feel about me. GT: Whoa uh... GT: Dirk are you... uh... GT: Saying what i think? (x)

He’s not completely clueless on people! In fact, he seems to have a really good understanding of his friends. That’s something a lot of people seem to forget because of the incident that I will be getting to later on.

Fending For Himself.

I’ve already written quite a bit on this, but I’ll sum it up here: Jake is exceptionally good at living in the wild and taking care of himself. Sort of like a wild garden; he doesn’t need to be taken care of. Survival skills, especially around fighting and fending off things, aren’t something everyone has. This, once again, counts in his favour, even if it doesn’t line-up with “book smarts”.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

That’s five things! It’s clear Jake is, in fact, a polymath and incredibly intelligent. So, what’s with the fandom painting him as being dumb? What’s with people actually thinking he’s stupid? I think we can all take several wild guesses as to why that’s the case.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Takes things literally.

This is something that plagues Jake quite a lot. Case in point:

GT: Wow like the epic kevin costner film? TT: Almost exactly. Especially by the same degree of shittiness. GT: Oh man does that mean you have to drink your own pee?????? TT: You get used to the taste. Welcome it, even. TT: That takes about 15 days in a row of hard piss drinking though. GT: Ewwwwwwwwwwww no dude. No ew. :( TT: Relax, I don't drink any goddamn piss, ok? GT: Oh ok. Whew. (x)

But, well, let’s address the elephant in the room. The chat I laughed so hard at when I read it the first time due to pure, unadulterated second-hand embarrassment: Jake asking Jane if she had feelings for him.

Let’s analyze this, shall we? Jake starts off by being vague as all Hell, and I’ll spare those details, until finally...

GT: Just come out and say it. Do you fancy me? GG: No! GT: I see. GT: Very well then. GT: Jeez i mustve really misread that one! I feel like kind of a bone head now. (x / x)

Okay, she says no, and he backs off. That’s fine and dand--

GG: No!!!!!! GG: Oh my God, what am I saying here? GG: Jake, I didn't mean it! I didn't want to make you feel that way! GT: Now jane lets not backpedal here. GT: Youve spoken the truth and i greatly appreciate and respect you for that. GT: But now that i think about it you know what? GG: ... GG: No? :( GT: Please dont take this the wrong way but your answer is actually kind of a relief! (x)

... Oh, right. Yeah. It keeps going. It just keeps--

GT: Actually since youve made your feelings apparent and only see me as a friend that makes it a lot easier! GG: Haha, yes! GG: Friends!!!! GT: Maybe you could help me sort out some stuff that has been weighing on me lately? GG: Well what are friends for Jake!!!!! (x)

Sweet Jesus, Jake.

GG: Me? GG: HOO HOO HOO! GG: I'm just GG: Terrific! GG: I'm feeling so... GG: Friendly!!! GG: I clearly just want to be a good friend and bring all my AMAZING FRIENDLINESS to bear on your problems. GG: Friendlystyle! Ahahahah? GG: Shit I mean GG: Ahahahah! GT: Thats aces. Jane youre a sweetheart. (x)

Alright, alright, enough! You all remember the fucking chat.

Regardless, it’s very apparent Jake takes things at face value. I also will cite him talking to Jane before her birthday, but not list examples, because what happened above will just happen once again.

Okay, so he takes things at face value. What’s wrong with that? He trusts people to not lie to his face -- to not sugarcoat things or beat around any bushes. Perhaps I’m projecting a bit, but I do the same damn thing. I think a lot of people do! I don’t think reading things as fact over text is a good measure of someone’s intellect. All it does is show he has issues with communication. Okay, so he struggles with one thing. Sue me.

Doesn’t catch things right away.

Yeah okay I’m just gonna dump a few examples of this.

GT: Haha wow. Must have been a hell of a guy. TT: So... TT: You're not making any connections there? GT: Where? Huh? TT: Famous comedian, about the age of your grandma, inheriting the family name of the Baroness... TT: Not ringing a bell? GT: What are you talking about! Dirk stop speaking in riddles and keep telling the story i am on tenterhooks here! TT: Ok, well it's not like it's that important. Just a super obvious thing that'll probably occur to you later when you're looking in the fridge you don't have, at which point you'll feel like an idiot. GT: Oh my god you can be one opaque motherfucker just clue me in bro! TT: Nah, it'll be funnier this way. GT: STRIIIIIIDEEEERRRRRRRR!!!!! TT: Moving on. (x)

GT: Whats going on? TT: Took you long enough to figure it out. TT: Pages really are a slow burning class. Damn. GT: Figure what out! TT: You're asleep. (x)

This leads into the point above. His mind doesn’t work that way -- but that doesn’t mean he’s not intelligent. He needs everything laid out in front of him so he can make the connections and understand what’s happening, but there’s no real harm in this, and it certainly doesn’t dictate whether the guy is “intelligent” or not.

There are many, many more examples in canon depicting Jake as having difficulties with communication and you all can open most of his pesterlogs and probably find one. I’m not going to list anymore. But, hold your horses, I swear I’m getting to a point!

Difficulty reading.

A lot of the media Jake consumes is picture-based. Movies, comics, even the puzzles are most likely spacial and probably not riddles. It’s not far to imagine Jake might not be a terribly good reader, considering nobody was really around to make him read. Of course, his grandmother was around when he was little, so he can read -- and he can read just fine. But he probably isn’t very good at it simply from lack of practice. He also has terrible grammar, something Jane picks on him for, so it’s entirely possible that’s a contributing factor. He may just have trouble reading and writing.

Speaking from experience, I have dyslexia. As such, reading and writing are incredibly hard for me. I never read the books in my literature classes -- both in English and French -- but I did get the gist of the books (enough to get a decent mark in the class at least) by watching a movie adaptation of the novel. I don’t think it’s that far-off to think Jake may, indeed, do the same thing.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

NOTE: This next part is a bit hard for me to write, because I don’t want to vilify any of you. It might not have clued in on anyone or maybe you just saw Jake as a sort of comic relief and meant no harm by it. And I hope shining a light on this will make you all think twice about the guy. However, I can’t really avoid this next part, and I may get a bit emotional in it. Just a bit of a warning.

All of the above points are just me trying to say Jake probably has undiagnosed learning disabilities and perhaps autism. I don’t think I need to go into detail about how those don’t make someone “stupid”. If you think that’s the case, fuck you. I can’t argue with ableists, much less do I actually want to.

NOTE: I wrote a thing on his speech impediments. That may be of interest too. I don’t really know, but here it is nonetheless.

My take-away message here is: just because someone struggles with socialization or other things doesn’t mean fucking anything in terms of their intelligence. Jake is very clearly smart and has the ability to read people incredibly well -- to the point of making copies of them! Perhaps it’s just a bit easy to underestimate the guy compared to other characters, though.

There are other things that muddy this up a bit, unfortunately.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Trolling.

Jake is such a fucking troll. Jesus shitting Christ, does he get a kick out of acting stupid just to make the other person look silly. Or perhaps even to make himself laugh in the process. Case in point:

uu: I WILL JUST BE YOUR PATRON DUDE. uu: OR MAYBE. YOUR PATRON MANBRO. GT: Sounds pretty gay. uu: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? GT: Whats what? uu: GAY. WHAT'S GAY YOU IDIOT FUCK. GT: Oh right. GT: Forgive me i forget you arent familiar with all of my earth lingo. GT: Its like... GT: How do i explain. GT: You know. Its a rather old fashioned term for being jolly and festive together. GT: Like "that rollicking time we had scrumming the other eve sure was gay." uu: I SEE. uu: THEN YES. YOU ARE CORRECT. uu: THIS IS GOING TO BE GAY AS HELL. (x)

Look at his goddamn face during this exchange:

That little bastard knows exactly what he’s doing.

And these aren’t stand-alone events! Jake is very, very silly and will use the fact others see him as stupid to have a little fun. May as well, right? And, in the process, he makes others look pretty damn stupid.

But sometimes it’s a bit hard to tell when he’s acting stupid against when he’s genuinely not getting something. I think he even fools himself sometimes! So you have to be a bit careful about fake-outs. I’m sure even the other alphas have trouble deducing when he’s doing this -- which only adds to the myth of him actually being “stupid” when viewed on first-glace.

He probably also does this with crushes, purposefully ignoring the signs because he doesn’t want to deal with it or may not believe anyone could like him that way. After all, if he’s wrong, he may think himself to be conceded and having a big head. So, he ignores the signs, thus convincing himself the feelings aren’t there. Then he gets absolutely fucking bamboozled beyond belief to find out they actually do like him. But that’s just a little side-note.

Thinks he’s stupid.

This one is just a bit... Sad. Very sad. Jake genuinely does think he’s stupid. Quite a lot, really.

GT: I shoulda asked where he fit into the picture if you were raised alone. I can be dumb as a bag of penny candy sometimes. (x)

Just... Man, he’s been called and treated as stupid so many times, he’s at the point where he believes it. If you asked him, he’d say Dirk is a genius, Roxy is always smart and sassy, and Jane is brilliant. (I don’t have a source for that last one but... Come on. She lectures him about grammar. Don’t fuck with me.) But when it comes to himself? He can’t say the same. Of course he then acts that way. He sees himself as a burly adventurer who is also a gentleman and tries to live up to that. No where along those lines does he think he’s intelligent. And that’s just... a little heartbreaking, really, all things considered.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Can’t believe this blog is just me going, “Wanna see how fast I can talk about Jake?”, and a shit-ton of people all nodding before I talk for six hours straight. Anyway, take-home message is: Jake’s smart. Jake’s very, very smart. He’s also a himbo, but he’s incredibly smart. Just because he has learning disabilities doesn’t mean fuck-all.

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk. There are drinks and refreshments in the back. Have a safe trip home. Remember to tip your waiters and waitresses. Jesus fuck can I run this gag any harder into the ground? Giving me language was a mistake. No but, really, if you read this whole damn thing, thank you! I hope this was as fun to read as it was to write.

#ooc.#headcanons.#about.#ableism tw #and i hate to do this but after the speech impediment post i must:#dont steal these headcanons.#(unless youre a jake rper then by all means thats fine!)#yes these arent exclusive to jake but this took a lot of time and effort #id appreciate it if youd all respect that #tia! <3

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tundraroo · 5 years

Text

Rick x Kade

THIS is a rant i’ve wanted to make since i got my tumblr, but i never did it because using tumblr on your phone without the app doesn’t let you make paragraphs and shit, so i’ve been postponing it until i could get on the computer. So anyways yeah it’s fucking rant time. Ok, so, basically, there’s this webcomic called Savestate. It’s a furry comic that’s themed around video games and other sorts of media, created by Tim Weeks. The whole comic is centered around two Australian Shepherd siblings named Kade and Nicole. Kade is, without a doubt, the video game fanatic of the two (although all of the main characters like video games or because that’s what the comic’s theme is). He spends most of his time playing video games, or doing something related. He’s very fun and happy and lovable. Then there’s Nicole, his twin sister who was born a couple minutes before he was. She’s a bit less hyperactive than Kade is, and takes on the “older sibling” kind of role, even though she’s only a couple minutes older. The comic is mostly centered around them, although there are 4 other main characters that join in at different points in the comic. The other 4 main characters (in order of first appearance) are Harvey, Rick, Ness, and Riley. Harvey and Ness are both ghosts. Harvey is a spirit that inhabits SaveState manor, the place that Kade and Nicole live, after having it passed down to them by their Uncle Scooby (yes, Scooby as in Scooby Doo, it’s really just a gag joke). We don’t really know where Harvey came from, but when we first met him he vowed to be the one to destroy the world, but got caught up in Kade’s video game collection (which is massive by the way). Rick, my personal favorite character, and also the one i’m shipping with Kade here (we’ll get to that in a second), is an iguana, and has been good friends with Kade and Nicolie since childhood. We first meet him after Nicole runs out of gas on the road in winter, and Kade calls Rick to help her. He does end up helping her, but, he ends up passing out, because he’s an iguana, therefore cold blooded and not able to handle the cold that well. He was also shipped with Nicole for a period of time, but Tim Weeks shot that down in response to a tumblr ask asking about the ship (i don’t know if he still answers asks anymore though). Anyhow, Rick is a bit more well manned and timid than Kade and Nicole. I cannot stress enough how much i love him. He’s such a good boi. There’s not much to say about Ness. It’s a spirit that inhabits a plush dragon that Nicole received from her dad. Nicole named the plush originally after the Loch Ness Monster, but was shortened to just “Ness” when it was possessed. It’s also a reference to the protagonist of the video game “Mother,” which i think is a very nice touch. The final main character is Riley, who is a female dachshund, and also teased to be Kade’s love interest. She works at a local video game store, and we meet her when Kade and Rick are walking down the street. Kade notices the new game store and immediately walks inside. Riley is a bit shy and soft spoken, and it took her a long time to get used to Harvey and Ness when she first met them.

Ok, now that introductions are out of the way, let’s get on to the actual ship, Rick x Kade. This ship, let me tell you, has basically no fanbase supporting it. I’ve found maybe 2-3 other people who share this ship with me. There’s not many people, which is actually kinda weird because Rick x Kade is amazing. Absolutely spectacular. Like, they’re honestly just two absolute dumbass boyfriends. They’re so cute and it makes no sense why people don’t ship this more because there’s SO MUCH good shit to go along with it. They’re personalities honestly just go so well together. At first i only shipped it because it was gay, but then i actually looked into it a bit more, and discovered that it’s actually a REALLY GOOD ship. First and foremost, i need to talk about the gayest scene in the ENTIRE COMIC. So basically Kade, Nicole, and Rick are babysitting for their neighbors, because they have to go out of town to a new years party they were invited to, and the babysitter they hired had to cancel. So the 3 of them are babysitting Chris and Claire, who are maybe like, 10 years old or something, we don’t know their actual age. So Nicole, Kade, and Rick play some games with them for a couple hours, and by the time Chris and Claire’s parents get back, Rick and Kade have FALLEN ASLEEP. NEXT TO EACH OTHER. ON THE COUCH. We learn from Nicole that at one point Rick was using Kade’s tail as a PILLOW, and that Nicole got a PICTURE OF IT, and that fact ALONE is just like,,,, super good and cute and gay and hnnnnnng my heart cannot take this. But then Tim Weeks, in his BENEVOLENCE, actually ILLUSTRATED the picture that Nicole took!!!!! And when i saw THAT for the first time i just hdjafdjkafhjkgfjkgfjkhfjkajhjahfkjafajhfjdahfjdahfjkdgafdajhfjda died. I died. It’s too cute.They’re so cute together and gay and i love them. Ok ANYWAYS there are a lot more really good scenes than just that. Like, there’s one where Rick is staying over at Kade and Nicole’s house, and he gets the option of either sleeping on the couch, or taking Kade’s bed and having Kade sleep on the couch. So Rick, for SOME REASON, took the couch. He got woken up in the middle of the night, though, to Harvey and Ness playing Mario Kart. Rick asks them to stop playing until morning, but then Harvey ends up scaring him enough to the point of him leaving the couch and sleeping somewher else. That somewhere else, i like to think, is Kade’s bed. It makes SENSE too, because Kade’s bed was the other option Rick was given. I also just really like the thought of them sharing a bed because it’s gay and they’re cute. fdjahfjdafjgdajgfdafjjfhdjafgjkajgaj i love them. Rick and Kade also go to the movies together sometime, and you can’t tell me that those AREN’T dates. Honestly. There are so many good scenes with the two of them. They’re adorable. I love them. Just,,,,, fdahfjdkagfgdajkghjkfgjdkaghjakfjkdghjkagfjahgjkafjkhgjajkdagfkj,,,,,,, so cute, so gay. Honestly my OTP among any show or comic. It’s impossible to stress just how much i love them. No amount of ranting could describe how much i love those two. Such cute, dumbass furry boyfriends. 10/10. That’s the tea sis.

#Roo Rants #Rick x Kade #Savestate #Savestatecomic #Rick #Kade #gay #good ship #gay ship #furry #furries #boyfriends #honestly though i love them

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thecryptidprincess · 5 years

Note

Numbers... ALL OF THEM

Oof anon killing me with all of them but thank you for actually sending something it’s been centuries since I last got an anon ily

PLEASE DON’T LET THIS FLOP AHHHH

1. What is you middle name?

Kwon. It’s my Korean mom’s surname

2. How old are you?

I’m a lil’ baby 20 year old

3. When is your birthday?

May 6th

4. What is your zodiac sign?

Taurus

5. What is your favorite color?

PINK

6. What’s your lucky number?

I don’t actually think I have a lucky number???7. Do you have any pets?

Not at my apartment with me, but I have an adorable little Yorkie/Bishon mix at my parents place!

8. Where are you from?

Northern Maine

9. How tall are you?

5′3″

10. What shoe size are you?

It depends on brand but usually a 6 in women’s

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

Uhhhh...6 I think

12. What was your last dream about?

I was a famous comic book artist at Comic Con (even though I’ve never been there EVER)

13. What talents do you have?

I can draw and somehow keep my shit together and not seem like I’m dying inside lmao

14. Are you psychic in any way?

I swear I am like slightly

15. Favorite song?

I have a few but currently it’s Pray For Me by the Weeknd from the Black Panther movie

16. Favorite movie?

Any Marvel movie hands down!

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

I have a lowkey crush on one of my coworkers rn but just someone who is sweet and sassy and good at communicating and listening idk I’ll take anyone at this point I’ve been single for almost a year now (jk I still have standards but y’know)

18. Do you want children?

I go back and forth on that a lot but really I’m not sure

19. Do you want a church wedding?

Nooooo

20. Are you religious?

Not really

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

I have!

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

Nah I’m too much of a lil’ bitch to do anything to get in trouble like that

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

I wish but no

24. Baths or showers?

Baths god I miss taking baths

25. What color socks are you wearing?

I currently have no socks on

26. Have you ever been famous?

Nah not pretty enough

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

Kinda but not really???

28. What type of music do you like?

It varies I’m very much a “if I like it I like it” kinda person

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

Nopeeeeee

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

Two usually

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

On my sides

32. How big is your house?

Well I live in a shitty little studio apartment so not that big

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

Air lmao no I usually eat like eggs or something

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

Kinda it was during a hunter safety class that shot a laser out because we were like doing target practice and learning how to hold a gun

35. Have you ever tried archery?

Kinda it was fun I sucked at it though

36. Favorite clean word?

Hun

37. Favorite swear word?

FUCK

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

I think like two days

39. Do you have any scars?

I do yes40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

Not to my knowledge

41. Are you a good liar?

Depends on the reason I gotta lie but occasionally I am

42. Are you a good judge of character?

I’d like to think so

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

I do a great Busan accent when I’m talking to my mom sometimes (It’s a place in South Korea with a different dialect it’s kind of the equivalent to our southern accent)

44. Do you have a strong accent?

No I have the least accent voice ever

45. What is your favorite accent?

British/Australian

46. What is your personality type?

No idea and I’m too tired to check

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

Umm....my Captain America tank top I think???? I have no clue I get second hand shit mostly

48. Can you curl your tongue?

Sadly no

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

Innie!

50. Left or right handed?

I think I might be able to use both I just know I write with my right but I do everything else with my left it’s weird as hell

51. Are you scared of spiders?

YEP

52. Favorite food?

Oh god there are so many but Chinese food always wins my heart

53. Favorite foreign food?

Korean food in general specifically made by my mom

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

Pretty clean unless I hit a good ol’ depressive episode

55. Most used phrased?

“Da fuck bruh”

56. Most used word?

Fuck (or just some variation of it)

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

In the morning usually 30 minutes to an hour depending

58. Do you have much of an ego?

I don’t think I do honestly

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

Is it a sin if I do both?

60. Do you talk to yourself?

Constantly

61. Do you sing to yourself?

CONSTANTLY

62. Are you a good singer?

Oh god no

63. Biggest Fear?

Idk, I guess being alone

64. Are you a gossip?

Naaaaaah well a little I’m just the messenger mainly lol

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

Uuuuuh idk can’t think of one rn

66. Do you like long or short hair?

Personally on me I go between the two I’m trying to grow my hair out at the moment though

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

I used to be able to not anymore though

68. Favorite school subject?

Art! And history

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

Both???

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

Nope

71. What makes you nervous?

Well I have general anxiety so like...everything

72. Are you scared of the dark?

Sometimes

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

Only my friends but that’s me just teasing them

74. Are you ticklish?

Yes

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

Nah

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

Kinda?? Idk I’m not the most authoritarian kinda person even if I sometimes think I am

77. Have you ever drank underage?

Yep

78. Have you ever done drugs?

Yes

79. Who was your first real crush?

There’s no place for feelings around here pal

80. How many piercings do you have?

I only have my ears pierced but I really want more

81. Can you roll your Rs?“

If I really get going I can

82. How fast can you type?

Hella fast

83. How fast can you run?

Who runs?

84. What color is your hair?

My natural black

85. What color is your eyes?

Broooown

86. What are you allergic to?

Bullshit and bad people

87. Do you keep a journal?

I try to honestly

88. What do your parents do?

My dad works on a barge and my mom works in a warehouse

89. Do you like your age?

?? I kinda have no choice in that matter

90. What makes you angry?

A lot of shit

91. Do you like your own name?

Not really it’s just a word to me I have no real feelings about it at this point

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

Noooo I only look at baby names when I’m making characters but those are for grown ass adults I’m drawing

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

AH CHILDREN QUESTIONS NO

94. What are you strengths?

I’m loyal and I care a lot about people

95. What are your weaknesses?

I give my 100% into everything I do and that fucks me up later sometimes plus I’m short

96. How did you get your name?

From my mom??

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

I think on my mom’s side back in the day they weren’t royalty but they were important

98. Do you have any scars?

Again yes

99. Color of your bedspread?

Dark blue

100. Color of your room?

A weird off white I think?

THANK YOU ANON I LOVE YOU AND I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT NIGHT YOU LIL’ PUNK

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some-triangles · 6 years

Text

OH RIGHT

I enjoyed a lot of podcasts this year

1. The Bugle

The joy of the Bugle this year was discovering who did and didn’t work in the rotating cohost spot; happily I feel like the best of the new folks are significantly better at the job of managing/coping with a pun-based satirical podcast led by Your Wacky Dad than John Oliver was, and also happily made my podcast feed less straight, white, and male, which is sorely needed at this point. The stories Anuvab Pal brings in from India alone make him a strong MVP candidate. (I think he’s also the best pure comic they have.) In the end though I have to give the nod to Alice Fraser, who does what nobody else can: she’s capable of breaking Zaltzman’s momentum. It’s a thing of beauty that this invulnerably pointless man has met his match in an extremely rude Australian woman who will happily match him pun for pun.

2. Crime In Sports

This is a true crime podcast where two basic white dude comedians you’ve never heard of tell the life stories of professional athletes who end up in jail - stories which inevitably bring up issues of race, class and mental illness - and I will tell you that they do okay with that stuff, not perfect, but okay, and that exceeded my expectations to the point where I ended up listening to enough of it to start to care about these mooks and their in-jokes and their running gags, and again, I seem to have a soft spot for dumb guys who are doing their best, and I probably got more laughs out of this thing than any other podcast I listened to this year. Your mileage will probably vary.

3. Nancy

WNYC’s Gay Podcast, hosted by two Asian urban millennials who in their cohosting rapport demonstrate and embody WLW/MLM solidarity at all times. It’s exactingly correct about things and is what I listen to after Crime in Sports to detox. It’s also pretty good journalism, if you’re a fan of/can stomach the studiedly casual bespectacled “umm”-ing modern NPR vibe which has become de rigeur with this kind of thing. The episode where a younger butch woman finds the older butch woman who gave her her “ring of keys” moment and tells her what she meant to her will make your heart explode.

4. The Adam Buxton Podcast

OK, Zaltzman isn’t really your wacky dad - he’s more your weird uncle. Adam Buxton is absolutely 100% your wacky dad, and he’s trying his best. He’s the middle aged guy who asks dumb questions about race and gender because he genuinely wants to understand - the aging hipster who took being right on for granted and is gamely trying to keep up as the world shifts around him. He’s kind of like Marc Maron in that respect, and in a number of others; the podcast follows the same basic format as WTF, and Buxton is the same kind of insecure overcompensating former cool kid that Maron is, except replace the aggression and Jewish neurosis with the deeply repressed performative childishness of an English public schoolboy. Reading back I have failed entirely to make this seem enticing, so let me highlight the bit of this that works; Buxton starts every podcast with a walk through the countryside with his dog, who he talks to sometimes. Buxton is cozy. If you like the Maron idea but don’t like all the personal abrasiveness, this one may be for you.

5. Killing the Town with Storm and Cyrus

To explain this podcast I am going to have to tell you a story.

The first thing that you have to know is that Calgary is generally considered to be the capital of Canadian professional wrestling, because the Hart family is from there, and Bret Hart is the most famous Canadian wrestler of all time. But: earlier this year a tweet made its way around wrestling social media suggesting that Winnipeg should actually be considered the wrestling heart of Canada, because while Calgary might have given us Bret and Owen and Lance Storm, Winnipeg gave us Chris Jericho, Kenny Omega and Cyrus.

To which even hardcore wrestling fans might reply: who the hell is Cyrus?

It turns out that Don “Cyrus” Callis, AKA the Jackyl, was a) responsible for the tweet and b) a complete nobody who was on TV for a cup of coffee in the late 90s and hadn’t been seen since. The closest he came to mainstream success was as the manager of a justly-forgotten WWF heel faction called the Truth Commission, a group of pro-Apartheid afrikaaner militiamen. (1996 was a very, very bad year for professional wrestling.) He almost became the manager of a group called the Acolytes, who were at least kind of a big deal during the attitude era, but after his first TV appearance with them (in which he got on the mic and shouted “VIOLENCE TURNS ME ON”) he was fired. He bounced around ECW and TNA and that was it.

Cyrus had also just started a podcast with Lance Storm, on which he claimed to the best talker the business had ever seen, among other things. It became clear to listeners that while he may not ever have caught the brass ring, he was a wrestler to his core - i.e., a bullshit artist, a carny and a fraud - and that he had paid his dues working shit matches in the middle of nowhere Canada when he was a kid, and was now happy to spend a seedy retirement bullshitting with his friend Lance and pretending to be a forgotten legend.

Except things kept happening for Cyrus. Piggybacking on that tweet and the imaginary Calgary/Winnipeg feud, he became a public champion of Kenny Omega, the hottest name in pro wresting outside of WWE, and a man who didn’t have a lot of supporters among the old guard. Omega met up with Cyrus because of this (it turns out Cyrus’ old manager the Golden Shiek was Kenny’s uncle!), and put in a good word with his bosses at New Japan - and suddenly Cyrus became one half of NJPW’s English commentary team. (This improved their commentary immensely, to the point where the wrestlers complained when NJPW used Jim Ross for their American special.) Callis then used his position to broker the hottest wrestling angle of the latter half of 2017 - he approached Chris Jericho with the idea of wrestling Omega in Japan, Jericho’s first match outside of WWE in decades - and managed to get himself in the ring when the angle played out, getting laid out by Jericho as he tried to defend Omega, his friend and meal ticket.

It was then announced that Cyrus had been hired to be a new Vice President of TNA/Impact Wrestling (in its umpteenth rebranding and reshuffle of the year.) In this capacity he will be co-booker for the whole promotion. As of this writing he has yet to be forced out.

So: in a way this podcast itself is the wrestling story of the year. It’s also pretty entertaining, albeit absolutely saturated with ads, as one might expect from a pair of born grifters. Lance Storm is a smart dude with mostly good opinions and fun delivery and Cyrus is a lovable scumbag. They do their share of complaining about how young wrestlers these days don’t know how to throw a punch but because Cyrus is obligated to defend Omega at every turn they can’t drop too far into old coot territory, and because Storm trained several of the current new crop of wrestling women he is at pains to put over women’s wrestling whenever he can, even as Cyrus is a poop about it. They get people on to interview who you’ve never heard of but who were allegedly legendary to someone at some point in some territory or other and who all have insane stories, some of which might even be true. It’s a fine time, and if current trends continue Cyrus will be WWE head of developmental by this time next year, so stay tuned.

#long post #besto 2017 #the story of how don callis bullshitted his way back into relevancy

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theabominableblogger · 7 years

Text

My Reaction to “Thor Ragnarok”

Bless. This. Movie.

Oooh, we’re panning up, oooohhh....

Thor, what happened? Seriously, like how did you get into this situation?

The freaking skeleton though...

*starts singing Fresh Prince of Bel-Air*

Whoaaa....

Whaaaattt...

Thor’s hair is so long here. Too bad it won’t last

Oh my gosh, Thor

GUYS, IT’S CLANCY BROWN! DON’T MIND ME YELLING!

Mjolnir!

They freaking included “The Immigrant Song” into the movie! Holy shit!

Totally did not see Surtur as a tall, skinny dude.

Thor movies totally redefining the body shape of bad guys everywhere

Wait, so that’s not Surtur’s eyebrows?!?

KARL URBAN!

KARL URBAN WITH HIS NATURAL AUSTRALIAN ACCENT!

Seriously, Thor, why are you in Muspelheim?

OH MY GOD, THERE’S A DRAGON!

A MOTHERWHINING SHAKEWEIGHT?!? ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?

Hahahahaha... the freaking dragon head...

How come Skurge doesn’t have a personal horse there that he can ride into Asgard instead of actually jogging his heavy ass there?

Goddamn it, Loki...

Wait, is that Liam Hemsworth as Actor!Thor?

OH MY GOD IT’S MATT DAMON!

OH MY GOD THE FREAKING CHOIR!

Wait, please tell me that’s Sam Niell as Actor!Odin

Fake!Odin literally just said “Oh shit”

*ugly, ugly snickering*

So why is Odin’s color scheme now orange?

Thor’s pulling the freaking Jack Bauer Interview Technique on Loki

Aayyyy he [Loki] look good!

How has no one caught onto Fake!Odin?

One epileptic trip through the Bifrost later...

SHADY ACRES CARE HOME?!?

“I’m not a witch.” “Then why did you dress like one?” Oh my God

Thor, you’re too cute when it comes to taking pictures

“Sorry Jane dumped you [Thor].” “It was a mutual dumping.” NO SCREW THAT NOISE

#BringBackJaneFoster2k17

He [Thor] disguised Mjolnir... as an umbrella...

Doctor Strange!

YOOOO IT’S MAH BOI DR. STRANGE!!

Oh now they’re just replaying the end credit scene from “Doctor Strange”

“I [Thor] don’t have a phone.” Then send a raven!

All right, I know it’s comic accurate for Dr. Strange to have yellow gloves but here they look weird

Mjolnir just freaking destroyed the New York Sanctum flying its way to Thor

“I [Loki] have been FALLING FOR 30 MINUTES!!!” *cue ugly snickering*

Well shit, now I gotta go rewatch “Doctor Strange.” Expect a rewatch post before Netflix removes all the Marvel movies.

“Alright, bye bye!” Pffftttt....

This music here is great

Holy crap we haven’t seen Odin in four years. I’m old. I was a sophomore in high school when “Thor: The Dark World” came out. Dang.

Wait, so who’s Hela’s mother? It’s definitely not Frigga, right?

Also wow, way to drop the secret sibling bomb on your son at the last minute, Odin.

Ooohhh there she [Hela] is!

Hela: Kneel

Loki: Bitch, you stole my line.

Hela’s entrance consisted entirely of her trash talking her younger brother. Amazing.

Noooooooooooo!!!!!

Whaaaa that’s awesome!!

Whaaaaaaa!!!

Volstagg!

Aaaahhh it’s the Warriors- NOOOOO!!!

Man, Cate Blanchett looks freaking amazing

The heck?

That’s it. I’m downloading the OST

That ramp is awesome

Valkyrie! I dressed up as her for a Halloween party a few weeks ago!

She [Valkyrie] just freaking toppled off the ship, drunk...

This movie should be subtitled “Thor and the Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Weekend”

Oh hi Sakaar!

Where did Hela get her cape? Did she rip off Volstagg or Fandral’s corpse or something?!?

“My father is dead. As are the princes, you’re welcome.” Pfffttt...

Hogun!

Ooohh I like that shot of Hogun’s mace

Oh shit are Asgardian capes bulletproof? That’s awesome!

Damn Hela

NOOO HOGUN!!

Heimdall?

Is Thor on a Disney ride or something?

OH MY GOD IT’S THE OPENING TITLES FOR WILLY WONKA!

Who is freaking narrating the ride?

Oh, can’t you [Grandmaster] get up and walk the ten feet to Thor?

Valkyrie’s freaking flirting with the Grandmaster after getting paid... that’s totally Han Solo here

Isn’t that the dealer from “Guardians of the Galaxy,” the one Peter tried selling the Orb to?

“OHHH MY GOD!” Thor, I love you.

Loki!

Confirmed: the Grandmaster’s bi

Korg! Taika!

“I tried to start a revolution...” Hahaha!

“It’s a circle... more like a freaky circle.” Hahaha!

Whoa...

WAIT HELA CARRIED MJOLNIR ONCE?!?

FENRIR!

“Faake!” Oh my God!

The Tesseract!

The hell is that?

Wait, so is that Hel? Like Hel, as in Hell, the place?

Whaaa that’s awesome!

Thor’s doing the Viking Prayer. That’s awesome.

Bwahahahaha!

“PISS OFF, GHOST!” Hahahaha!

Wait, there’s vampires in the MCU?

“Oh my God, the hammer pulled you off?” HAHAHAHAHA!

“An elite form of [female] warriors. It’s about time.” Damn right, Thor!

STAN LEE!

Lots of screaming Thor in this movie

Damn Loki, that glass grab was slick

Unpopular Opinion: I think Thor looks better with shorter hair

HUULLLKK!!

“I [Loki] have to get off this planet!” Pffffftttt....

HE’S A FRIEND FROM WORK!

Even Loki’s freaking out for Thor

He’s [Thor] trying the calming down technique Natasha did from “Age of Ultron”

OH MY GOD

OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!!!

Shit.

Whaaa...

So what kind of Asgardian is Skurge?

Umm, doesn’t Gungnir have the same power of Heimdall’s sword though?

YAAY!

Umm, can we talk about how gorgeous Asgard looks?

That’s not awkward at all

Gotta get a shirtless Chris in somewhere in a Marvel movie

We just saw Hulk’s butt onscreen...

Never imagined Thor being picky about interior design.

He’s probably a big fan of “Property Brothers”

Whoaa!

Things I Like: Thor with orange eyes

Hulk is very much the petulant child here

Aaawww Hulk and Valkyrie are buddies!

“NO TEAM, ONLY HULK!” Oh my gosh

Holy crap it’s been two years since we’ve seen the Quinjet

Point Break!

Natasha!

Wait, Bruce doesn’t remember the last two years?

Aaw Tony keeps a stash of clothes on the Quinjet whenever Bruce de-Hulks

Whoa!

Oh my gosh that’s awesome!

Wait, what do they mean “Banner might not come back?”

“I’m sorry, Tony wears his pants super tight around the crotch.” Oh my God, no...

I am totally down for an AU of Bruce and Thor attending Holi and getting covered in colored chalk

“The Re-Revengers” Oh my God I love it!

Holy crap, Loki’s the only one who actually addresses Bruce by his first name

“Wait, whose Anus?” Oh my God no

“I need safe passage through the Anus.” Loki just said that.

Aaww Thor’s favorite animal is a snake... WAIT OH MY GOD NO IT’S A REFERENCE TO THE WORLD SERPENT

“Aah, it’s me!” Hahahaha!

“Loki, I thought the world of you.” Aaawww...

GET HELP!

Goddammit another double

THEY JUST MENTIONED ‘ORGIES’ IN A MARVEL FILM!

Whoaaaa big fluffy boy [Fenris]

Skurge, no

“I [random Asgardian] know where the sword is.” Goddammit

Whoa...

Ohh I like the detail of summoning people to the court with Gungnir

“OK, get up.” Oh my gosh that line delivery was awesome. She’s like an annoyed sibling- which she is- and that’s the sort of tone of voice I’ve used a lot surprisingly

Whoa...

Fenris!

AAAHHH!!!

Man, the Fenris Wolf looks awesome

Let’s go, Heimdall!

Oohhhhh...

Korg!

Wait, that means...

“Your savior is here!” Freaking Loki

They’re pulling some “American Gods” shenanigans with these Odin visions and the colors

OOOHHH LET’S GO!

LET’S GO!

YEAAHHH “THE IMMIGRANT SONG!”

LET’S GO!

C’mon, Skurge...

Nooo- oh thank God

So are none of the Revengers gonna discuss how, oh I don’t know, Thor’s missing an eye?!?

C’mon, Skurge...

Dooon’t.... don’t think about it [the Tesseract], Loki!

God dang it

Yoooo Clancy Brown’s back!

Hulk, no!

Goddamn Hela, that’s awesome!

Please don’t tell me they killed off Hela

So... Asgard’s just.... gone

Liking the new eyepatch

He’s [Loki] actually there now! Yay!

Oh my gosh, Thor’s little wave

Aaand we’re off to Norway

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idealisticrealism · 7 years

Text

Blindspot 2x17 recap

(Aka the one where Jane and Oliver get kidnapped)

Or in short: Oliver proves how not-great he is under pressure; Jane is badass and manages to ensure the survival of not only herself and her bumbling non-boyfriend, but also a couple of innocent kids, because that’s just how awesome she is; Weller utilises every anger-management tactic he’s ever learned and still ends up blowing his gasket bc he doesn’t deal well when his wifey is at risk; Reade reaches new levels of stupidity; Patterson and Tasha are both badass despite being in severe need of a hug; and lil orphaned puppy Roman finally gets to go home with his loving family.

So basically, this was a kickass episode and I have a lot of thoughts about it.

Enjoy.

Okay literally my first thought is 'thank god the clothes stayed on'. The second thought is more of a smug belief-- and that’s that this is the only bed Jane and Oliver will ever share, bc lbr, this thing was 100% doomed before it even began. No relationship can work when one person within it already has a soulmate, especially when they see said soulmate just about every single day, and are still secretly in love with them. (And the soulmate still loves them too). Like seriously, boy, you never stood a chance. But anyhow, I like that Jane's tranq puncture-site is on the right side of her neck, bc I'd feel kinda sad if they stabbed the bird. I really hope we get to find out the bird's significance someday. I vaguely remember Oscar mentioning something about it at some point (something to do with freedom? Or was that in a fic?) but I still just want a clear answer. But anyhow, I'm off track again. Both of them seem like they have a thumping headache rn, though Oliver's seems to be worse (or more likely, Jane's just tougher than he is) and it pleases me to think that he's suffering a little for this. After all, he did get poor innocent Jane pulled into his shit. Tbh I also appreciate him getting zapped by the door, Thanks, writers. You know what’s important to me.

Okay so Reade's interaction with Nicki's kid is possibly the best moment he's had in like six episodes?? "No, but that's a cool fact buddy" lol. Damn that is one cute kid. And woah Nicki is looking so clean-cut and professional rn?? And her apartment is so nice and she seems like a good mom and she tells Reade that the partying is a rare thing for her and that they can't see each other anymore and wow I feel like an ass for the assumptions/judgements I made about her character. I'm realising now that in some ways she might actually be too good for Reade... or at least, how he is in his current state. Although damn look at that height difference, that fact alone kinda makes me want to ship them a little bit haha

As for people that I most definitely do NOT ship, Weller and Nas have met in the conference room at the crack o' dawn, and lol I love his sassy "What the hell am I doing here?" That’s a good question, bud. If you were a little quicker with getting your shit together in regards to Jane (I'll give you a hint: start by telling her how you feel, then KISS HER), you probably would have been snuggled up in bed with her rn and neither of you would be having these problems now. But sigh. We're not there yet. Emphasis on the ‘yet’, bc it’s definitely coming. And then they will be. But anyway lbr if Oliver got kidnapped alone, everyone would be pretty 'meh' about it, and that's not exactly a thrilling episode. But to answer Weller’s original question: Devil Lady has found some files that belonged to the Sandstorm fixer that didn't get destroyed, and wants to show them to him. You know, it's kinda weird. Nas has been actually more tolerable again recently-- it's like she goes through cycles or something. She's like a planet, steadily rotating, light side then dark side then back again. Tbh if I had to pick a planet for her, it'd be Pluto, because it's very small and cold and belongs as far away as possible. But anyhow, apparently she found out that Roman had gone to the Bahamas a few years back to go to a fancy bank and get millions from a trust fund. So if that money went to Sandstorm, maybe they can track it. And basically the only part of this news I care about is the fact that it means Weller and Roman will be interacting more in this ep yaaaaaaaaay

Sigh my little Patterson, hovering anfd fidgeting as she waits for Dr Sun. "I just wanted to talk to you"/"Yes, that's what appointments are for" hehe okay maybe I appreciated that one, Dr Sun, but this doesn't mean I like or trust you. Patterson has apparently decided she's done with therapy now that Borden is dead, and I may not like Dr Sun (and I'm pissed that she told Patterson her headaches were psychosomatic), but she makes a very good point about the bug being another violation into her life and body by Borden/Sandstorm and ugh my poor baby keeps telling everyone she's fine and that she feels nothing but it's all a facade and soon she's gonna crack and ugh I just miss my carefree lil pumpkin who giggled and kissed David in a library and ugh it's just all very upsetting

Lol so Oliver's all panicky and looking to Jane-- who, remember, he still has no idea is a super soldier-- to tell him what's going on and what to do and wow man there's really not much backbone in there at all, is there? Yet another reason why he and Jane would never work; his soft, lily-white hands and her strong, callused ones just don't fit. Hers and Weller's, though... But anyway yes of course I know that strength and ruggedness etc are not really requirements for a good partner, but I think they're a necessity in Jane's case specifically. She spends all her time being a pillar of strength-- she needs someone that she can be on even footing with, someone who will support her and have her back just as she has his. And hmmm, strange, this is actually sounding familiar... who does she have that kind of connection with......? But anyhow, back to the man of the (very, very fleeting) moment. He's doing a lot of face-scrunching as Jane apologises to him for causing this, for having enemies etc. And while she's trying to plan, to work out solutions, he's being ridiculously unhelpful-- until he accidentally reveals that he knows where they are, and ooooh boy, you're seconds away from turning from a figurative dead weight to a literal one. She shoves him into a wall (awww, she and Weller even have the same moves lol) and mmmm yep this is much more the kind of physical contact I prefer to see between them. She looks like she's considering roughing him up a little more (I may or may not have yelled "Kick his ass, Jane!"), when a voice comes over the speakers, referring to him as Oliver Steele (okay literally are we in a comic book right now? Because he's apparently gone from a name that implies coldness and inhumanity to the name 'Kind' and I'm sorry I'm a little dizzy from all my eye-rolling). But anyhow he's ordered to stand in front of the camera and recite the message they've left for him, one Jane grabs and reads while he's still pressed against the wall like he's afraid to move haha. Turns out his father is a big-time thief/embezzler and now he's gotta pay back what he stole in order to save Oliver and Jane's lives. Let's hope he hasn't spent it all haha. Turns out the place they're in used to be Oliver's family's holiday house when he was a kid, but unfortunately he doesn't know the address, which surprises me, bc he's usually always so useful and reliable *snorts*. Also lol they said he grew up in Sydney-- the casting people do know that Australian and New Zealander accents are different, right? He'd never pass for a native Sydney-sider. But aaaaaaanyway. Also wow what a shady jerk, he tries to evade the truth by saying maybe they've asked for the ransom just bc his dad was rich. (Not Rich, bc that'd be weird and also pretty much impossible). Also I never realised Oliver was an accountant?? That's just so... white-collar. And dull, at least when compared with being a super secret agent. Yet more reason why these two would literally never work. "How was your day honey?" "Oh I just stopped a terror attack that would have wiped out half of Manhattan. What about you?" "....I did calculations with a ton of digits in them". Yeah, nah. No-go. Luckily for Mr Panicky, Jane already has a plan underway, because nobody but Weller is allowed to giver her orders and expect them to actually be followed lol

Speaking of Jane's 'supervisor', he's down with Nas and Roman in the cell, showing him the picture of him at the bank-- which is enough to trigger a memory of him signing the paperwork at the bank, withdrawing money from a trust belonging to someone that died. And while he doesn't remember who it was, he knows that he probably killed them for it. And ugh he calls himself a monster, because so many of his memories involve killing, and ugh Weller tells him he's not that person anymore-- and when Roman questions how he could know that, he tells him that he watched Jane go through the exact same thing. There was a brief time where Weller believed Jane was a monster, but he knows the truth now, knows that she is good without a single shadow of doubt in his mind. Whatever she did-- whoever she was-- in her Sandstorm life means nothing, because she isn't that person anymore. She's Jane, his Jane, and he would trust her not only with his life, but the lives of everyone he loves. And he wants to be the same for her; wants her to know that he'd do anything for her. And so he starts by becoming an advocate for Roman, developing a connection with him and supporting him. In the last few days he's sparred with him, taken him out into the field, brought him beers in his cell and just hung out, and now is reassuring him that he sees the good in him. You can see him truly starting to care for Roman, maybe even feel a kinship with him bc of how easily Kurt could have been the one Shepherd took under her wing and brainwashed-- she had access to him at his most vulnerable time, and if her plan had involved recruiting him then, it probably would have worked. So there's all that going on, and plus, I think he also just kinda likes Roman? Genuinely? Which is lucky bc you boys got a lot of shared family holidays ahead of ya, just sayin'

Anyways back in the Cabin In The Woods, where Jane has found a penny to unscrew the camera cage, then smash it in with a lamp, knowing that the captors will have to come get them if they want Oliver to make that demand video. And Oliver is all confused and a little frightened by her badassery (again, he clearly can't handle a strong woman) and she explains that she used to be a criminal, but isn't anymore, and ugh I am so proud of her and the fact that she openly takes responsibility for all the wrong she has done, but also states with such conviction that she's no longer that person. Ugh, Jane knowing and believing that she's a good person... look how far my baby's come. And the fact that Weller helped her to believe it.... ugh. My beautiful supportive soulmate babies. But anyway lol she gives Oliver the lamp (bc lbr he'd be completely useless without a weapon) and then takes on three armed captors by herself while he just stands inthe background. Looks like he's completely useless even WITH a weapon. And then hahahaa the boss guy "guess it was a mistake to take the girl". Yeah, you sure got that right buddy haha

Ooooohh Reade has been called into the principal's office, uh-ohs... and ugh poor Zapata is watching so anxiously from her desk and you just know Reade is going to be pissed about this, even though she gave him very clear and fair warning, and she did it for his own good. And ugh for a start all Weller says is that she told him Reade was going through some stuff, and for a second I thought that maybe she'd just said he was over-stressed and needed to be given some vacation time, but then Weller brings up the drugs and ugh he's trying so hard to protect Reade, to get him help without suspending him or putting anything on his record, and he even comes around and sits on the edge of the desk so there's not that 'separation' between them-- not boss and employee, but friends, brothers-- and ugh he's being so gentle and trying to offer help, and suddenly Reade is throwing it back in his face, exploding up from his chair, and Weller is on his feet so fast bc he's got to be prepared in case this gets physical, and ughhhhh he keeps trying to bridge the gap, reaching out as a friend-- but Reade cuts him off and tells him that they're not friends, or family, just coworkers, and ughhhhhhhhh you can see that that really hurts Weller? He cares about Reade, and to him, they WERE like family. And of course he feels like he's failed as their leader-- he should have seen this storm brewing and helped defuse it before it was anything more than a couple of grey clouds, but he's been so tied up with his own issues (which, to be fair, have been numerous and rather big) that he hasn't been holding his team together like he should. And I'm completely certain that Reade has referred to himself as Weller's friend before, which means that that friendship has been lost, and poor Weller didn't even know it was happening. UGHHHH. And ugh he's still trying to help Reade even though he's starting to get angry at Reade for being so awful, and oh Weller "I'm doing everything in my power not to fire you" ughhh he's STILL trying to protect him and then ugh stupid Reade just quits and storms out and part of me wants to say "So long, asshole!!" because of how he's treated the others, but I know they'll be sad woithout him so I hope he comes back. Tho lbr, we do know that someone dies soon... I mean it's not impossible that they're distancing Reade and making him unlikeable so that it's easier for the viewers to swallow if he does die. But ugh I hope that's not the case. Ugh the team needs Jane's sweet comforting nature more than ever rn tbh

Lol it's fairly telling when someone asks if your father was a good parent and the best you can come up with is 'he was fine' haha. But then ughh noooo this boss guy lost his daughter bc Oliver's dad stole all her money and destroyed her business, and ugh okay I do feel really bad for him. But while I could roll with his kidnapping plan if it was all a bluff, I can't be on his side if he's going to kill innocents as retribution for the actions of others. That's not how justice works, that's not how any of this works! But ugh my clever Jane uses the ploy of comforting a trembling Oliver (lbr this guy was totally a rabbit or something in another life, whereas Jane was clearly a big cat of some kind. A mountain lion, maybe. Weller was a bear, in case anyone was wondering). But ugh anyway she's so smart, ensuring that her very, very distinctive arm is in the shot so that the team would know she was there when they saw it (lbr Weller would have recognised it even without the tatts). Also uh oh, the kidnappers also have someone else captive?? Plot twiiiist

Lol when Patterson shows the video, I love that Zapata instantly recognises Oliver as the guy Jane's been dating (well, I guess she did just look up his background check a couple of days ago lol) and Weller's staring at the screen like he doesn't know how to feel-- on one hand he's not exactly a fan of Oliver, but on the other, he knows Jane cares about the guy and it would hurt her if something happened to him, and also Weller's a protector by nature so he would never want to see an innocent person hurt. But still. And then Jane's hand enters the frame and I feel like Weller's brain goes into a momentary shutdown, like the 'PROTECT JANE' alarm bells are instantly shrieking inside his head and ugh his voice sounds so mechanical when he says that she's there too, like he's got to keep himself locked down super tight or he'll snap and start smashing things. And then they find the video of the kids, and so now they have four people to rescue from two separate locations-- and saving one pair might endanger the other, meaning that to save their teammate and friend (and for one of them, their soulmate) could lead to the death of two kids. But rescuing the kids first could mean losing Jane forever. Prisoner's dilemma, indeed. The mother of the kids has apparently gone off-grid, so Tasha takes responsibility for tracking her down. Nas will decrypt the videos with Patterson, who asks if Reade's in yet-- and Weller just says he's not coming in today. Even though he has already been in, and out. I wonder if Tasha knows that he actually quit? Maybe she just thinks Weller suspended him. Did Weller have time to tell her?

But anyway ugh Weller's first thought (or second, after MUST SAVE JANE) was to go to Roman, to let him know so he wouldn't be in the dark about the threat to his sister. And Roman is like ‘are you telling me bc you want me to do something?’ And Weller just tells him that he had the right to know and ughhhhhhhh no one in the world loves Jane as much as these two men do and tbh I think Weller really needed this moment with Roman? Like even if they didn't mention how much Jane means to them both, it would mean a lot just knowing he was in the room with someone who was suffering like he was, who couldn't bear to lose her either. Roman is so shaken as he thanks Weller and honestly Weller looks like he's nearly in tears. I wonder if he's looking at Roman and wondering if he's going to become the only link Weller has left to the woman he loved and lost? And then ugh he doesn't need to comfort Roman rn, but still he comes and sits down with open body language, putting them on the same level and being open with him, and tells him that everything he did in the past was under Shepherd's orders, and that maybe she was the only one who was the monster. Which Roman can't quite believe just yet but I hope maybe one day he will. And then ugh "Jane's the only family I have left. I don't know what I'd do if I lost her" and UGHHHH you can just see the understanding in Weller's eyes. He doesn't know either, because he's already barely survived losing Jane once-- and that time, at least he had his anger to fuel him, to keep him from facing how he really felt. But this time... this time, he wouldn't survive it. Which is why he tells Roman that they'll find her. He'll find her and get her out alive, or he’ll die trying.

I'm a bit iffy on the whole "I've known those kids since they were in preschool" thing. Hasn't his dad been missing for years? One of those kids only looked like ten, so why would he not know them before his dad left but definitely know them after? But anyhow, he and Jane are now unable to escape without risking the kids' safety. But Jane's always been clever, and able to think outside the box. They were told not to escape, but no one said anything about calling for help... Also ugh the way she calls them "my team". That's right, honey, they ARE your team. Your family. They will come for you, just like you would come for them. And lol when she says FBI, he's like "Who are you??" And it's like, well, she's FBI. She just told you that. Ooooh things are getting kinda rocky between them now that they're realising how little they actually knew each other, and how little of themselves that they trusted the other with. This pairing was doomed from the start, but I think it has just now officially gone up in smoke. And so, appropriately, they're headed up the chimney (honestly I'm surprised that Oliver made it haha) and ugh they'd just reached a phone in the room above when they were busted. Also okay I'm familiar with fireplaces (I grew up in a renovated 120 year old cottage) but I'm not familiar with fireplaces in multiple-storey homes (again, bc of the cottage, and also bc the vast majority of Australian houses are single storey bc we have so much room to spread out). But anyhow surely you can't scale a chimney from one floor to another? I need a fireplace expert haha. And so anyway, the two of them are marched downstairs at gunpoint, with Oliver noticing a house being watched on a videofeed before he's shoved forwards. Oooh, is he going to actually make himself useful for once?

Weller's actually doing a pretty good job keeping cool, tbh. Tho maybe he just smashed a few things before walking into the lab. They've located the grandmother of the kids, who was called by the dad, and who they think is going to pay the ransom so that the mother doesn't get arrested for stealing all that money. Damn, why did they even need to steal it if the grandma was already that loaded? Also how much total was stolen from the firm? Bc if they said 200 total, then obviously each conspirator would only have a portion. And plus they stole the money years ago, I'm sure most of t is gone by now. But anyway, unimportant.

Boss guy's second in command (Aka the Freddie Mercury wannabe) plops Oliver and Jane down on the couch and then conveniently gathers his team around him to be screamed at, giving Oliver the opportunity to tell Jane about the house he saw and where it is. Then Freddie gets grumpy and pokes them with his big gun until they’re quiet lol. But too late, bud. Jane has already hatched her plan, and spoiler alert, it’s not gonna work out well for you...

Okay this lady's glasses are tripping me out. She looks like a human-insect hybrid that's bleeding from its tear ducts. Which I'm assuming is not the look she was going for. But with that aside, the main take away from this moment is that Oliver's father is in Switzerland... and also dead. Well, that is certainly somewhat of a setback. Also ugh I love how quiet Weller is being? Like I feel like he let Zapata take the lead here bc all his energy is focused on not exploding into a mini supernova of worry and fear and rage. So he sits there and keeps the lid on tight, silently simmering, drawing on every ounce of calm and focus that he has. When Patterson confirms Magnus' death and Zapata starts to crack a little (ugh the emotion in her voice as she says 'so we have nothing', someone hold me) he holds strong, reminding them that they've bought a little time by preventing the woman from paying her ransom, and that the baddies don’t know Magnus is dead. All is not lost yet.

Meanwhile Boss guy is shaking his head at Jane and Oliver like a disappointed parent, though tbh I'm kinda more distracted by one of his henchmen who is off to Jane’s right and holding a big gun, bc damn, this guy is fiiiiiiiiiine. I really hope he's not going to die. Anyway Jane smoothly lies that they were looking for a phone, not to call for help, but to call Magnus, bc lbr the dude is a baby boomer or above and so probably doesn't hang on YT watching cat videos in his spare time. (Or videos of engines on vehicles and heavy duty agricultural equipment, like some of the male nurses at my work do. Weird, I know). But her ruse works, and he lets Oliver call his dad's old number-- and he does, looking all like 'uhhhhhhhhhh what do I do nowwww' as he does so. And then Jane yanks it off him and tells Magnus he needs to pay the ransom, while also dropping a whole bunch of Sandstorm keywords into the conversation, knowing that it would be flagged by Nas' technology. And almost like he was drawn to her voice, (okay or more likely he was the first one informed about the call, but whatever) Weller enters the lab with Roman in tow, earning a lot of confused looks and a generous amount of awkward silence before Nas tries to intervene. But Weller ain't having nobody's shit today, and just firmly says that Roman is staying up there with them. And so the whole team-- plus its newest member-- listen in on the message, and realise that the latter part of it sounds kind of odd; it's a message using the first letter of each word-- SAVE KIDS AT WHITESHORE. Roman wants them to wait til they know Jane's location so they can save both teams at once, but Weller trusts his wifey, and she said to go after the kids. So no matter how much it terrifies him to put her at risk, he’ll do what she asked. He and Tasha will go save the kiddos while Patterson and Nas try to find Jane, and Roman goes back to his cell to sit and wait and stew. Sigh, my poor boy, I would hug you if I could

Back in the cabin fever, Jane tells Oliver that he needs to be ready to run when she tells him to, once they know the kids are safe. And ugh I just love how much faith she has in the team. She knows they won’t fail to understand her message or to rescue the kids. Meanwhile Oliver is all 'we can't, it's too dangerous!' and she's just like 'bitch, please' lol. Come on bro, grow a set. You can do it. Meanwhile Weller and Tasha and a whole squad burst into the house where the kids are being kept, killing all the armed captors. Tasha comforts the kids and brings them out (tbh I'd happily be rescued by her anyday) while Weller's iron control finally snaps, and he kicks a guy to the floor and roars at him to tell him where the other hostages are. Clearly the guy upstairs at the cabin watching the monitor notices the commotion, though, because he radios down to the others-- which is all the signal Jane needs. She shouts at Oliver to run, then yanks an old wooden ski off the wall and beats the crap out of their captors with it. Oliver is rabbiting, just as he was ordered-- but he runs into another baddie, and then said baddie ends up running into some very spiky antlers mounted on the wall. If it was his house, I would say that that had a kind of ironic justice to it, with him being killed by an animal that he himself killed (I'm not a fan of hunting unless it's purely for meat, and displaying any sort of animal trophy is something I'm really against, but hey, that’s just a personal preference) but it's not his house, so that's irrelevant. Jane takes her opponent out with a fire poker (I love that the guy she fought went down after one hit but the woman kept fighting) and then she finds Oliver still staring at the impaled guy. They rush for the door, only to come face to face with the boss guy and Freddie and a couple of randoms. Seemingly not the hottie, though, which sucks. Boss guy is about to kill Oliver, but Jane saves him by convincing him that Magnus will never care about a lost child in the way that he does, and that his daughter wouldn’t have wanted him to become a murderer. And ugh it wooorks and the guy decides to let them go-- except then damn Freddie shoots him in the back, and takes over the operation, demanding money or he'll kill Jane. Oliver desperately offers him the money from his charity-- about $50M-- but they have to go to the headquarters to make the transfer because of some failsafe requiring two boardmembers. Jane gives him an approving nod, and quickly scratches the charity's logo into the leather couch with the sharp edge of her ziptie. Pretty damn neat for something drawn behind one's back, but hey, it's Jane, and she can do pretty much anything, so I'll allow it.

Aah Pluto-Nas is being all light-side again which is super confusing. Why is she being so nice to Roman? Is it just bc the writers wanted him to say the "I belong in here" line and Weller couldn't be in this scene so they just went for Nas instead? I literally do not get why she actually looks sad for him though ugh. What is going onnnnnnn she just keeps spinningggggg and I don’t know what she waaaaaantsssss

Oooh Weller and Tasha have reached the cabin, though everyone has gone and the place has been thoroughly cleaned up. Eagle-eye Tasha spots the mark Jane left behind though (yeah, girl!), showing Weller and telling him it's the logo for Oliver's charity. And lol there's a tiny edge to his voice as he asks how she knows that, like she's been going on double dates with Jane and Oliver or something, and it's all like 'Tasha how could u'/'I thought you were on my side' lol and she explains that she ran a background check on him for Jane (lol she says "when they first started dating"-- it was literally like two days ago. Tho lbr they've only been dating for like a week so it still counts haha).

So the team rushes back to Manhattan, which is like at least a 2 hour helicopter ride away. At Oliver’s offices, Jane's cuffed in the back of a van with two guards (ooh, fellas, I don't like your odds of surviving this) while Freddie takes Oliver upstairs at gunpoint to complete the transfer. And then in walks one of his co-boardmembers, who apparently didn't see the huge guy with the gun until she was literally inside the office, despite the walls and door being entirely made of glass. Poor lady, she's probably sleep deprived. I wonder how he chose which boardmember to call, though? Personally I would have chosen a man without kids, if that was an option. Maybe she's the coolest one under pressure? Or maybe she lives close or always works late or something. But anyhow the FBI arrives outside with lights flashing, which is not exactly a terrific move considering the bad guys could very easily have a lookout?? Good thing both of the other dudes are in the van with Jane and can't see outside... Ah but poor Jill is having some difficulties with her password, and Oliver-- in a fit of bravery, about time son-- grabs for the gun and yanks it upwards just in time to prevent her being shot. The sound comes over the radios, which again is just enough distraction for Jane to start kicking the crap out of her guards, then get her cuffed hands in front and steal a knife off one of them, shoving it into his neck and then throwing it into the chest of the second. And holy SHIT that was AMAZING! I love this kinda thing. Also Jane must have rubbed off on Oliver a little bit (thankfully not in any other sense of those words tho) bc he holds his own against Freddie just long enough for Nas to get there and shoot him. So if she’s leading the team, I guess Weller and Tasha are still on their way back from Vermont, then?

Oh we're back at the NYO already? Ugh, okay. Anyway Jane and Patterson come to the conference room to tell Oliver the news about his father's death, and Patterson shows him the donations that his dad made to his charity before tactfully leaving the two of them alone. Jane's sweet, trying to comfort him by telling him that she believed his dad still cared for him and was trying to make up for the wrong he'd done. And then she offers to take him home (to his home, not hers, obviously), knowing that he would have been really shaken by the events of the day and she wants to make sure he has someone to talk to if he needs it. I honestly don't think she was planning for their relationship to go any further than today. He certainly isn’t, and gently breaks things off (they're already broken, bud, it's okay). But aw he tells her that she was incredible today. Yeah, she was. And far too good for you, bucko! The only reason you're the dump-er right now is because you beat her to it. But I'm kinda glad you did, so she doesn't have to feel like any more of the bad guy than she already does.

Wait what?? Both Weller and Nas going to Dr Sun to ask for Roman to be allowed out on house arrest?? Like I totally understand and am unsurprised by Weller wanting this (I feel like he's wanted to do so since working with Roman in the field), but Nas?? What motive does she have?? Does she just want Roman out where he'll trigger more memories and be more effective at bringing them closer to Sandstorm?? Or does she want him somewhere where he's less protected, more easily targeted? Or is she hoping he’ll remember the Zipping and turn on Jane?? What are you doing, you enigmatic ice queen??? Dr Sun's not a fan of the idea, bc she's still on the 'Roman's a damaged monster' train. Which means Weller's taking the request to the top of the food chain. Damn, he's really going in to bat for Roman (*cough* for Jane *cough) and ugh I love him for it.

As usual, Jane is also busy worrying about others-- she goes straight to Zapata the moment Oliver walks away, and asks about Reade, wanting to know if he's okay. Tbh tho I'm bummed that we didn't get to see the moment when the team (okay, yes, particularly Jeller) reunited?? Were there hugs??? Long, lingering touches?? Meaningful and maintained eye contact?? Give me something, writers, c’mon. But anyway Zapata sighs that she honestly doesn’t know, looking sad-- then brightens a bit as she crooks that knowing eyebrow with a "what about you?" haha. Jane immediately says she'll be okay-- because she already is, tbh-- and then says that getting dumped for the first time wasn't a lot of fun. Well, considering that you killed one ex and the other threw you in jail, this is actually kind of the best that any of your breakups has gone? And then she says that there was too much baggage between them, and Zapata tells her that that's a cop out-- and for a second I'm like ‘giiiirl what're you doing?? Are you trying to encourage Jane to try again with Oliver???’ And then she adds that, baggage or no baggage, she and Oliver just weren’t right for each other (oh. Phew.). And so Jane asks how you know when it's right (Come on honey, let's be real here. You already know.) and Zapata tells her that when it's right, you make room for the baggage. And literally on cue, Weller steps out of the elevator and calls Jane's name. Or maybe that was destiny calling?? Lbr they're one and the same for Jane lol. And ughh Jane just stares at him for a moment and tbh I feel so robbed that we didn't get to see the smirk that would have crossed Zapata's face right then, bc lbr we all know it was there. I can totally picture her responding to Jane's 'goodnight' with a wink and a 'go make room!' (before adding 'and then go get one' under her breath hahahaha).

Ugghhhhh I cannot get over this scene. Weller's all serious as he and Jane head down to Roman's cell, and I'm sure she would have asked him what's going on and whether Roman is alright, and he would have told her he's fine but just left it at that because this big dumb softie wants Roman to be able to tell her the news himself. And so Jane is all confused and concerned when they walk in and both Nas and Dr Sun are there-- they've just been briefing Roman on the rules of the deal but she doesn't know that, and ugh I hope that Weller did assure her that everything was all okay before they got to the cell bc otherwise she'd probably be instantly afraid that it meant he was about to be taken back to the CIA or something. Although she does look back at Weller when they come through the door and he just gives a tiny nod so hopefully she knows he's got her back. But ughh then Roman tells her that they're putting him on house arrest and shows her the ankle monitor (which I feel like shouldn’t have a gap in its band but whatevs lol) and smiiiiiles like the adorable puppy he is and Weller tells her that Roman's going to stay at the safehouse with her (the level of TRUST that is being shown here oh my goddddd) and she literally doesn't seem to know what to do with herself rn like she looks at Weller and then back at Roman and her LIP IS TREMBLING and neither of them really listens to Dr Sun as she names her conditions, they're just staring at each other in stunned joy, and Jane's shock turns into a tearful (but glowing) smile as she finally asks "You're getting out????" and ugh I wish she could see the big dumb smile on Weller's face behind her, he's so proud of himself and so happy for them and ugh Roman is allowed to walk out past her and she looks at Weller for a moment before remembering the other two, shooting a grateful glance at them as well, but I stg if it had just been Weller there she would have literally thrown her arms around him without a second of hesitation and he would have squeezed back and she would have whispered thank you in his ear before turning and hurrying away with Roman because she wouldn't have wanted him to see the tears on her face-- but he'd already felt them in the little damp patch on his shoulder and he would have just stood there for a moment looking around the cell with a dumb little smile on his face and then he would have cleared his throat and put on his business face and given the guard a very professional nod as he thanked them and relieved them of their duty and ughhhhhhhhh. I am so sad that this ep had two excellent opportunities for hugs and yet we got none. But anyhow. At least we did get her whispered thanks and that intense eye contact with the "you have no idea what this means to me" and the "I have some idea" bc of course he does, he was the one who brought Jane to her safehouse that first night, the one who no longer had to watch her locked up like an animal, suffering and alone. She would still be those things-- he couldn’t fix that yet-- but at least she was now being treated like a person. And ugh it must have been so hard for him to leave her there that first night, to let her go when she'd hugged him, knowing that he wanted to stay and keep holding her until she stopped trembling against him. So yes, he did know a little something about it.

And so ughhhhh she gets Roman home and nods to their detail and the agents immediately obey her and go (technically Weller is her direct supervisor, which means she probably outranks them. Technically.) and ugh the siblings are left to hang out on their own and joke about what they're going to order and clearly this little freedom experiment is working already bc he just had a memory of collecting that money from earlier-- it was her trust, under the name Alice Kruger, and the form states that she was killed in action. And it seems like he believes it, because he's crying over it. But okay I'm confused about this. Was she still going by Alice (at least officially) at that time? I had assumed that Shepherd changed their identities when they were taken from the orphanage? But I guess maybe they stayed Krugers in the official sense and that’s what all their IDs said, but within Sandstorm they were known exclusively by their new names? Tbh I can't really remember what the go was with Sandstrorm vs Orion; Remi was like Sandstorm's plant in Orion, right? Also damn, as a sidenote this means Jane should technically be a multimillionaire rn. Woah.

Oh, Reade. Oh, you absolute walking disaster. I like the bartender for making sure he wasn't driving; lbr it'd be just the kinda stupid thing he would in his current state of mind. And then he sees the dealers and boooiiiiii don't you go over there. Don’t do it. This is going to be a bad idea... aaand yep, it is. Too bad you're so distinctively handsome, bc you got recognised, and now you've had the crap kicked out of you. I feel bad for you, but tbh bud you kinda deserve it a lil bit. Now go show up at Zapata's door, apologise profusely, and ask to stay on her couch until you pull your life together. Hop to it. .

Oh Paterson honey :( I'm so sorry that this has affected you so much and that you can't escape Borden's impact even now that he's (most likely) dead. For a second when she was staring at the Oregon Trail I thought that maybe he'd actually left a message inside for her somehow, like an apology or a lead on Sandstorm or something. But nope, she was just afraid of another bug. And then she starts tearing everything apart which is such an inefficient way to search tbh. She should have just gone to work and grabbed a scanner thing, but clearly she's not in the right frame of mind for the sensible option.... ugh can we all just hug her forever please

Ngl I'm a little displeased that Weller and Nas are walking somewhere together rn, discussing the call from Jane about the trust (ugh I bet she thanked Weller again and it was like this little intimate moment, but which Nas promptly interrupted of course). Anyway I'm just gonna pretend that he's being a kind person and is walking her to her subway stop or something so she doesn't have to be out alone. Also man Archie is TINY. Wow. But anyway then the guy approaches Weller and Weller immediately has his hand on his gun. Good boy, very sensible. But nope it's not a threat, it's a lawsuit haha. And then one is delivered to each of the team, because they're being investigated for aiding and abetting a terrorist organisation. Well, there was that thing with the HMX, and the fact that two of Sandstorm’s ringleaders are now kinda members of the team.... but ugh I'm so looking forward to the new ep and seeing how they all deal with this (I wonder if Reade will be brought back in, given his involvement??) and tbh I kinda have missed Weitz's snark haha

#Blindspot #Blindspot recap #Jeller #happy Blindspot day!

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