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#but getting audited is way worse
scarlettohairdye · 1 year
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PSA to printed zine makers
As a 37 year old who's been running a sole proprietorship for the last 10+ years, I just want everyone who is planning to run a fandom project that involves accepting money for printing & shipping costs to know that you're actually running a small business and you need to plan for taxes. It doesn't matter if you don't make any profit: that is business income and the IRS will see it as such if you get audited.
If you only take enough money in to cover the cost of printing & shipping then you can write that off as a business expense and probably not pay taxes on it, But in order for that to fly you actually have to do business accounting, especially if you're doing it at scale. Like, you can probably skate by without reporting a $500 project; I absolutely would not fucking risk it with a $5000 project.
Back when I was producing shows there were years when I was where I made $20k in ticket sales only to turn around and immediately pay $18k to my performers. I only made $2k for myself, but I had to report the entire $20k, because it was ALL INCOME. (I only paid taxes on the $2000, because that's how writing off expenses works!)
Yeah this is boring grownup shit and I'm getting my boring grownup fingers all over your fun fandom, but boring grownups doing boring grownup things are the reason fandom spaces exist at all (paying for servers is deeply boring), and I'm way more fun than an audit
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essektheylyss · 1 year
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Guess who's in ✨*jazz hands*✨ hellllll week!
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little-ajax-56793 · 1 year
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Oog I want to commit murder
#didnt get a part in my high schools musical. which okay. sure#im an alto so i had to audition on the guy bracket. for context#so anyway i didnt even get ensemble but this one freshman (i love him hes so fabulous in every way) got a major-ish part#and after our auditions we cried in a corner together bc i didnt do body languge for the song and just shook and he sang at twice the speed#and ended 5 measures before the accomplishment did#so anyway one of those fuck ups is a teeny bit worse than the other /s#so anyway im super happy for him i love him but now im smelling bullshit#so last play i was one of four understudies#2 of us (me and that freshman actually) were understand bc she couldnt pick between 2 kids and chose the seniors for main actors#the others were there bc they were underclassmen boys and she wanted to make sure that they stayed in theatre#because we ALWAYS need more boys#so anyway. im trans and i panickedly came out to her at the audition to explain why im on the male bracket#but i really dont pass as male and im in theatre class already#so anyway other than me there were 14 boys auditioning (she was celebrating that there were actually a lot of guys for once)#and i just checked the cast list.#there were 14 boys cast.#EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON. on the male bracket BUT ME. including people who fucked up the audition really bad.#idk im just.#almost thinking of quitting the theatre class 2nd semester so i can actually get some fucking leverage next year#every single cis guy got cast probably many to make sure wed have guys next year.#im just upset bc SO MANY FRESHMEN got cast#the role i wanted went to a freshman not in theatre#and im a junior so i have 1 goddamn shot left and shes giving roles to 12 year olds over me#literally the only reason i was an understudy last play instead of main cast was because senior overrules junior junior overrules sophomore#etc.#but fuck that principle now i guess!#also every damn person in my theatre class got cast but me so. that class is gonna suck for the rest of the year ig!#mercury mumbles#damn im just. mad.#every single guy and she wont even throw me an ensemble. damn.
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talkorsomething · 1 month
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Too [insert adjective here] for guard ...................
Well, it's only half related.
We "hit a pothole", "had a slipup", whatever you want to call it — sunday. Aka: for the sake of my sanity we are not labeling it a relapse but good god does it feel as though I have invited the demons back in.
I know why, but I don't really know why. Because, I mean... I never have, to begin with. So: when I decided i was doing it sunday, i accepted it. "Let it happen", as someone would probably say to me. It's not...
I've been thinking about it for a while now. It's like anything - it comes and goes, a few times a year, and no matter what, I always ignore it.
Except, maybe there's something I'm not paying attention to? Or, ignoring, is the better word for it?
Of course it would be the one thing I have happening in my life.
November, I was burnt out for unrelated reasons. It was a lot to take in. That made sense. Now? ... why now?
There's not really any pressure on me. Yes, I have to do things, yes, it will be noticed if they're bad, but ...... it's not important. We don't spend time on it. I'm coming back next year, but it might be at the cost of ... all of this. I think it's progress. I haven't touched my guitar in any serious capacity in over a year. I think it's progress.
I don't take compliments well. I can't tell if that's why I don't get them, but I'm not being corrected much either. Only when I drift too far from what the work is supposed to be, only after weeks of it going, I can only assume, unnoticed. I keep getting stuck.
...push it back down.
Telling me I'm doing good isn't telling me what I know I have to be getting wrong. I could take it, at the cost of... all of this. I'm anticipating, and I know it can come. This is not where I was when I started.
It's been said, I haven't been told, that not starting it means you're more of a burden, by making the other person have to do it first. I know that. I do. And still it doesn't help. I'm not drowning. It wasn't an accident, but it wasn't planned, either. I don't know you.
I don't know you.
I'm not a good person. I'm not a nice person. Every week I tell myself this is really it, and every week I come back, and ... what? Forget I ever said anything? Forget we're not friends?
Well, we're not, huh? Nobody is, with me. What you see I swear you misunderstand. You don't ask. If you do, well, I can't answer. We're at an impasse.
It's not even my fault we didn't make it. I shouldn't feel like this over nothing. I don't do anything. You will, correctly, not let me do anything, because potential doesn't matter if you can't back it up. If you won't back it up. I let things happen to me.
I don't even feel better. And, actually, ironically, i think i know what would let me feel better. If I can't be upset with anyone else, at least I can be with myself.
... but, well, not even that. Your heart in my hands, but I mean it diegetically. And metaphorically. I hate putting myself out there, I hate having to actually perform, and yet every time, no matter what, I do it. I'm fine. I only cared at the start, and even then not very.
I don't feel anything. Not a lot, anyways. I don't let it happen. I can't. I don't know what it'll mean if I start being honest with myself.
...
I've pulled myself out of this before. A few times, now. Different circumstances, but I've done it all the same. Seasonal depression notwithstanding.
I'm only here because I did things I was scared to. And still, I'm the same. No progress made. The only way out is to do it again but I feel like I can't. I can't.
Will someone just let me say that?
Will someone just fucking help for once?
#sh tw#(implied - i know i didnt actually say it in the post but yes i did c** myself sunday)#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#im cursed with being a bit too self aware so#i think its compounded by my nepotism hire ... not letting me do my nepotism hire things#(for legal reasons i cannot say)#and then to add to that not letting me do anything I probably COULD actually do given slightly more instruction (at guard)#its just ... im a very angry person actually . except right now thats because im not EATING RIGHT EITHER#BECAUSE ALL OF MY PROBLEMS ARE COMBINING INTO ONE BIG INTERCONNECTED PROBLEM#back to my point.#guard instructors decided that for my first year i will not do anything cool because i'm not able to learn in about 2 seconds flat#[read: get very upset very quickly when i get things wrong and then . cant do them because im trying not to have a breakdown over]#[something REALLY STUPID like NOT BEING ABLE TO DO A SIMPLE TURN WHILE MOVING WITH THE FLAG]#so like okay. i get it okay. i'm not good at this. could you at least TELL ME i suck so i can feel justified about feeling bad about it.#could you just fucking tell me this isn't a guard where you can show up with no experience. could you do me a real solid and tell me that.#i dont know maybe the real sign it wasnt for me was when i was seriously considering not turning up for the second 'audition'#really i just hate how much he yells at us. not even at ME because i do so little there is no room to fuck it up. just at everyone else .#it doesn't motivate me to come back but i NEED 'friends' so bad and i love performing so now i just get anxious enough that i cant eat ..#.. before going to rehearsal. which is stupid. because i've done it a million times before.#......#i'm just.... everyone says he isn't actually that bad. & he used to be worse. so it really is just me.#it's just me being oversensitive. because i've never had any REAL experience in ... just about anything#so; yes. it IS on me how I feel and obviously how I react. and I keep pushing it down because it's stupid; really; to still feel this way.#anyways. our last weekend without a competition is this very weekend#so you'll never guess who's having a REALLY FUCKING HARD TIME trying to practice#i'm like this close to going to bed early and without having done the dance warmup for the third day in a row.#лёва there is no TIME why are you STILL NOT PRACTICING for the love of god get it together#(oh also when i say 'friends' in quotes it is because i desparately want to believe we're friends but they dont even talk to me really)#(and because im not even IN most of the show theres not much to bond over. literally like i have everything down Decent enough (apparently)#so theres not even any 'i will help u with this toss' team bonding. no shared moment of we are all out of breath because i DONT DO ANYTHING
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rex101111 · 8 months
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Things that happen within the first few hours of AC6:
1. You get shot with a huge-ass laser mid-atmosphere entry. You barely survive this, landing several miles away from your intended landing zone.  Welcome to Rubicon 3.
2. You have a mech built with bargain bin parts, barely held together with hope and spite. It has a energy sword though, so that’s nice.
3. Not even two seconds after your, very rough, landing, you get a call from your “Handler”. He is ostensibly in charge of your well-being. This begins and ends with him sending you off on missions he’s fairly certain you’ll survive and charges you for the damage you get to your mech, the bullets you use, and he’s also cut out a piece of your brain to put in augmentations that will make you a slightly better mech pilot. In the top Most Horrible People On This Planet contest, he wouldn’t make it to the top 10.
4. You make your way through a derelict hunk of junk that’s threatening to collapse on top of you. Not even two minutes into this journey, you’re getting shot at with missiles. 
5. You finally reach your intended destination, a burning husk of a city filled with scavengers and low lives who will shoot you on sight. You are here to grave rob.
6. The reason you are grave robbing is connected to the fact you got shot in orbit, you are here illegally, and you need to find a license from any fresh corpse so you can steal the identity on it and be able to do mercenary work.
7. You go through four corpses before you find one with a license that can pass muster.
8. Mid corpse robbing a gunship sent by The Space Police spots you and you have to shot it down so it can’t kill you or, even worse, stop you from stealing the identity you just found. 
9. As soon as you get registered in the Mercenary Rolodex, which takes less then a second of an A.I taking a look and saying “alright checks out”, you have two missions. One of them has you killing a bunch of resistance fighters from the planet’s native population on behalf of a weapons company that really wants to do business here. 10. The next mission has you going to a base owned by that very same company and blowing up everything you can find there. This does not anger that company one bit, if anything it just convinces them you are a very thorough worker. 11. Very shortly after that, you are tasked with destroying a prototype mech by another company before it can get into mass production. That mech is being piloted by what can only be described as an Anime Protag who is in the worst possible franchise for his type of character. You can murder him in less then two minutes if you know what you’re doing. You can hear him desperately fight for his life the entire time. 12. After that, before you even get to clean the blood and oil and broken dreams off your robot, you get a call from a merc group leader saying that he’s seen you murder that guy real good, a guy who was auditioning to join his group, and likes the cut of your jib. He gives you the callsign he was gonna give Anime Protag before you blew him the fuck up. He laughs and tells you to be careful since it’s an unlucky number. This is the least morally repugnant thing you’ll do all game.   
13. A while after that, you go into a power plant and destroy the generator, it promptly blasts you in the face with the red radioactive Super Fuel that toasted this planet a few years back.
14. You survive, somehow, and you get a disembodied voice of some girl in your ear. You tell your handler about this and he just shrugs it off with “oh yeah that’s probably a symptom of the lobotomy, don’t worry about it”. The voice is probably the most moral person on this fire blasted hell scape of a planet.
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steddielations · 15 days
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nonsexual d/s for sub Eddie week with art here by @ent-is-indecisive
“Eddie, will you please open the door?”
“I ruined it, Steve, I messed everything up.”
“You didn’t ruin anything, baby, let me in, c’mon.”
All the music from the party almost drowns out Steve’s voice, but a small pathetic piece of Eddie clings to it like an anchor. He opens the door and Steve’s brows knit sympathetically at the state of distress Eddie's in. It’s all fucked up.
His leather sleeve is wet and sticky, he can’t stop raking his fingers through his hair, ruining the nice waves Steve styled for him earlier because he was too much of a wreck to do it himself. It’s all fucked up.
“I fucked up.”
Shaking his head, Steve comes inside and shuts the door behind him. “It wasn’t that bad. Could’ve been worse, remember when Robin threw up in the middle of an audition.”
“Steve, at this point they’re gonna pay me not to make an album,” Eddie stresses, pacing around the bathroom. “I spilled wine all over the guy. Dale fucking Grazer wants to talk serious paper and shake my hand and I just emptied my stupid little glass all over him!”
“It was just wine, not puke or something,” Steve says lightly, trying to bring Eddie down from his frantic state. It works, his voice is a tether for Eddie to grab onto. “Come here, let me fix you up.” 
Eddie does as Steve says, not trusting himself to make any more decisions when all he’s done today is fuck up. 
Steve guides him over to the sink, wetting a towel and dabbing Eddie’s jacket. He’s so calm, like this isn’t the most important night in Eddie’s life and it’s not already blown and he can still make that hotshot from the record label like him.
Steve’s acting like everything’s fine, which makes Eddie feel stupid and small like he's overreacting, he tries to let Steve’s energy calm him too but it’s hard.
“You’re overthinking, I can see it on your face,” Steve says, being gentle but not in a coddling way that would make Eddie feel even more stupid.
He straightens out Eddie’s sleeve, good as new, then works on Eddie’s hair next. His fingers are soft and skilled and so sure, knowing exactly how to fix it and how to make Eddie melt under his touch.
Eddie squeezes his eyes shut, just trying to let Steve fix everything. He's way better at fancy parties and schmoozing than Eddie is. He always knows how to get Eddie out of his head and that’s what he needs right now. As pathetic as he feels about it, he needs to stop thinking. Let Steve think for him, even.
“Wanna tell me what’s on your mind?” Steve prompts softly and Eddie is helpless but to let it all out.
“I can’t stop saying the wrong shit. Why’d I tell him my dad’s in prison? Or bring up the dropped murder charges, or all that stuff about ket, I just can’t shut up.”
“No, that’s just you, the whole big personality charismatic rockstar thing. Trust me, that guy’s got star eyes for you.”
“This is just like with Paige’s label. I messed that up, and now I’m ruining Jeff’s chance again, and—”
“No you’re not, that guy loves Jeff already, everybody loves Jeff.” 
“You’re right, he’s got this, he doesn’t need me. Let’s just get out of here, make a run for it.”
Eddie barely takes a step before Steve’s hands circle both his wrists, his grip gentle but solid, holding Eddie in place. It flips the same little switch in Eddie as the cuffs they use in the bedroom. It takes away the option to run.
Somewhere in the jumble of his mind, he knows it’s the right choice, trusting that Steve wouldn’t let him make the wrong one.
“We’re not going anywhere, baby, this is your chance too.” Steve rubs up and down Eddie’s arms, guiding him around in front of the mirror. 
It’s hard for Eddie to look at himself right now and see it written all over his face. Steve cleaned the stain and made his hair perfect again but he can’t fix whatever’s making Eddie… Well, Eddie. Whatever it is that made him flunk senior year 3 times, or screw up the first chance he had to make something of himself, or the reason Ronnie won’t pick up his phone calls, or the reason Wayne sleeps with his keys on the bedside table in case he has to come running to Eddie’s rescue like always—
Steve’s fingers lightly cup Eddie’s chin, he’s standing behind Eddie now, his body warmly pressed against him.
“Look here, honey.” Steve gently tips Eddie’s head up to meet his own eyes in the mirror. They’re glistening with unshed tears that almost fall when Steve says soft but sure, “You’re not a fuckup,” and prompts Eddie, “Say it.”
Eddie swallows the lump rising in his throat, “I’m not—” 
He chokes up a little bit and Steve waits patiently. 
“Tell yourself,” Steve whispers, all earnest-eyed in the mirror like all he wants is to make Eddie believe it.
“I’m not a… fuckup,” Eddie gets the words out and a few tears slip free with them.
Steve brushes them away. “You can do this. Say it.”
With a deep breath, Eddie tells himself, “I can do this.”
Steve kisses his temple, gives him a little praise that he admittedly needs so much right now, “You’re gonna be so good.”
Eddie’s mind starts to clear of everything that’s not Steve rocking him slowly in his arms, whispering, “You’re my good boy,” as many times as Eddie needs to hear it. He feels his confidence building back up, getting more comfortable in his skin again with Steve holding him, believing the words Steve made him say in the mirror, believing the words Steve kisses into his neck and loves into his skin. He can do this.
“Aren’t you?”
“Yeah.” 
“Tell me,” Steve prompts and Eddie turns a little, blinking slowly, eyes feeling heavy with the slow dose of bliss Steve gave him.
“I’m your good boy,” Eddie murmurs and he believes it.
When they leave the bathroom later, Steve can’t hold his hand through this, but Eddie still feels him.
He charms the fuck out of those suits from the label. They love Jeff, everybody loves Jeff, and they love Eddie too. The whole band is definitely getting signed, at least that’s what Steve says on the ride home.
Eddie greedily soaks up all the praise and attention, feeling a little spacey with it, Steve's big warm hand on his thigh grounding him. He can't wait for them to get home so he can properly thank Steve.
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drefear · 9 months
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Daddy Issues Part 2
Best Friend’s Dad!Miguel x Reader
TW: a lot of angst, a lot of sad, a little bit of fluff, jealousy, smut p in v, oral (m and f receiving) awkward shit between Gabi and you and Miguel.
AN: ok here it is! Part 2 is here and now I can focus on HTTK so here ya go :)
Part 1
Weeks. You’d been avoiding Miguel for weeks.
Every day, you thought about that night. The way he touched you, spoke to you, held you. You had sex before, sure, but that… that was next level. A different world.
That was intimacy.
You cried almost every day. He had tried calling you a few times, but you never answered. The whole event felt too painful and your heart couldn’t take it.
Gabi came over and you told her a story that you had met some guy and he swept you off your feet, but he was controlling and had a temper. She sympathized and held you as you cried and that made everything so much worse. How could you do this to her? Sleep with her dad and lie to her? You had to be the worst friend in the world.
During this time, you had finally moved out of your and Gabi’s apartment, and spent some time back with your dad while looking for a new apartment and getting some auditions.
As you sat on the couch and shoved popcorn in your mouth, your eyes still watered and burned. Some gross love story was on and it made you sad once more, the lingering heaviness in your body coming to the forefront of your mind.
The doorbell could be heard and you got up to answer it, not giving a damn that you were in baggy sweats and a big sweater. Swinging open the door, your eyes froze.
“M-Miguel?” You sputtered, seeing him stand awkwardly at your door. “What are you-“
“Miguel!” Your dad cheered and hugged his friend, pulling him inside past your shocked frame. “We’re having a family night again. You used to love those, hon!” Your dad continued and Gabi stepped inside with her boyfriend. You nodded and followed.
Wonderful.
You moved close to your best friend and sat on the couch, Gabi rubbing your arm comfortingly as she tried to make you feel better. The second Miguel looked at your small frame, face stained with tears and a bit puffy from crying, he hated it. And it wasn’t like you were enjoying it either. All of your emotions started to come up in your throat like nausea.
The guilt you felt about lying to Gabi, the anger you felt towards him making you feel-
How did he make you feel?
Angry. But also… sad. And amazing.
You couldn’t deny the whole experience was almost otherworldly.
You got up abruptly and mumbled a quick “I’ll go make something,” before hurrying into the kitchen.
Miguel moved to follow you before Gabi caught his arm.
“Don’t. She might snap at you.”
Miguel nodded, “that’s ok, she can if she wants to.” And with that, he continued.
You stood, turning on the oven to put in some cookies. You loved baking cookies. They were soft and warm, like a hug. You could really use a hug.
“Mi cielo…” his voice had that same effect as he spoke while you stared ahead at the tray of dough.
“Go away.” Is all you could say without turning into a sobbing mess. His hand found your shoulder and you spun around fast, stepping out of his vicinity. “I said go away.” You repeated and heaved, the upset building in you wildly.
He clenched his jaw, “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“This is not the time or place to do this, Miguel. My dad and my best friend- your daughter is in the room right next to us. If they hear this, neither of them will forgive us.”
The words coming out of your mouth made your hands tremble and your stomach sick. How could you have let this happen?
You turned your head and moved to check on the cookies. “We need to act like nothing happened.”
“But I-“
“No. Nothing happened.” You repeated and he swallowed the lump in his throat.
“I’d like to talk about this another time, because while you have nothing to say, I do. And I’d like it if you'd hear me out.” His words made your mouth dry as you just sighed and nodded, not able to even answer. Your brain was fried, you felt ambushed. You knew your dad was just trying to cheer you up, but he had made this so much worse for tonight. To sit in a room with two people you lied to and the person your heart aches for the most, yearns to touch and hold and love. But that could never happen. He was best friends dad, he was supposed to be like family.
Once he exited the kitchen, you let a few silent tears fall. The conflict inside of you was roaring like a storm at sea.
You’d finally found an apartment, a place by your dance agency that had a beautiful view of the city. It was absolutely perfect. Cute little kitchen, a master bedroom and a big closet, everything was a dream. You signed those papers and paid everything upfront, having saved a lot from sharing an apartment with Gabi.
Moving in was easy, since you didn’t have a lot of furniture and your dad said he’d help you out. He planned a fun day of helping you move in.
And he invited Miguel and Gabi.
Yay.
As you saw your father standing in your new doorway, your arms swung around his neck. “Thank you, dad.” You couldn’t help but be giddy about it all.
Gabi was behind him, and behind her was… Miguel. You hugged Gabi and gave Miguel a polite smile, mumbling a “hi Mr. O’Hara,” and pulling in Gabi to show her around.
The men started to carry in the big furniture, including the couch your father bought you as a gift and the bedframe you got at an antique shop. You plopped down on the mattress and spread out your arms, staring up at the ceiling. This was the beginning of your true freedom, your independence.
Someone clearing their throat stirred you out of your daze and you leaned up on your elbows to see Miguel. You just huffed. “The boxes are all in the living room.” He said and you nodded, “your dad brought some food and beers, said we should all break in your new place together.”
“Of course he did.” You murmured and bit your lip in frustration, trying not to be so rude. “Fine.”
An hour later and you were still stone cold sober, not having even a sip of a beer and only drinking water. Miguel was still nursing his first beer as Gabi and your dad had already made it to their second.
“So, Miguel!” Your dad smiled, leaning on a knee, “how’s the girlfriend?” Your body stiffened and your eyes stayed trained on the water bottle in your hand.
“Ah, she’s not my girlfriend, it’s not serious.” He went on and you began to drown him out. You didn’t want to hear any of this, you just wanted to be alone in your new apartment.
“Come on, man. Six months and still no title?”
“Six months?” You gapped and everyone turned to you, making you glance around and realize your error. “I-I’m just shocked, is all… that’s a long time to not have some sort of commitment… or loyalty.” Your eyes flickered to his and a slight bit of hurt and anger tinged his features, still trying to play it off as if he was unbothered.
“Like I said, it’s not serious. But it feels nice to be with someone mature…” he leaned back and took a long swig of his beer, eyes never breaking from yours. You tightened the grip on the bottle in your hands and then looked back to your dad.
“Sorry dad, didn’t realize you were the only single person in the room now.” Your smile was normal and sweet to everyone else, as if you were teasing your father, but Miguel saw through it. This was a competition now, a challenge.
“You have a boyfriend?” His voice was meant to sound relaxed, but it was a bit harsh.
“Oh no no, it’s casual. Just hanging out.” You shrugged, “men are really just a distraction right now, ya know? They all just want one thing, and I’m not into the whole ‘multiple women’ vibe. Men who entertain more than one woman at a time are disgusting. Pigs, really.” You went on about this and his mouth found the bottle once more, tipping it back and downing the rest. He immediately moved to pop open another and you smirked.
You, 1. Miguel, 0.
He was quiet the rest of the night, listening to Gabi and your father trade stories as you laughed along and gave snarky comments. When the night was finally over, you wished everyone goodbye and were about to shut the door when a hand stopped you.
“Forgot something.” Miguel’s voice said from the hallway and you found yourself being pushed backwards by him opening the door wider. He closed it behind himself and his eyes glared into yours with fury you recognized once before.
“So, a new guy?” He spit out and you stayed quiet. No words came out and this made him angrier. “What? Nothing else to say? You sure had a hell of a lot to say before, why not now?”
“You’re drunk, Mr. O’Hara-“
“Cut it with the ‘Mr. O’Hara’ bullshit.” He barked and you flinched, “you’re seeing some fuckin twerp now?”
“You have a girlfriend.” You spat back at him and he rolled his eyes.
“She’s not my girlfriend, we’re just-“
“Six months. You’ve been seeing her, taking her to dinner, seducing her for six months. That’s a relationship!” You shouted at him and Miguel’s eyes just fell to the floor. “Just get out, I don’t owe you an explanation. I can see whoever I want, I can fuck around and be a whore if I really wanted to! It’s none of your business!”
“You’re mine, so it’s my business.”
“No I’m not.” You yelled and he grew still. The heavy tension fell on your shoulders and your tears spilled down your cheeks, the breath in your lungs burning from inhaling too hard. The two of you stared at each other for a bit before you whispered, “You and I had sex. That doesn’t mean I’m yours. Not when you were fucking her the whole time.” His eyes dropped to your hands and he just nodded before clicking his tongue.
“You’re right. I’m too drunk for this… congratulations on the new apartment, amorcita.” His tall frame walked to the door and before you could stop him, the door was shut and he was gone.
Days later, and you were still a mopy mess. Everyone noticed your lack of friendly-nature, it was like the sun was gone. A knock on your door made you stir and sit upright. You opened it and saw your father, smiling face and holding a bag of groceries. Your dad stepped in, put everything away, then sat on the couch. You’d been crying before he got there and he saw that, wiping a tear from your cheek.
“You gonna tell me what’s going on?” He asked quietly, like he was trying to soothe a beast. You cried more, surprised that the well still was not dry, and he held your hand. “It was Miguel, wasn’t it?”
Your whole being shuddered and your eyes snapped up to his.
“Yeah, I see how you look at him, how you smile… I might be an old man, but I know my little girl.” He pet your head. “Listen. I’m not going to say I’m happy about this, because I think he’s far too old for you… but you’re a woman, and I know I raised a smart girl. Just always think about if he’s worth possibly losing your friendship with Gabi.” He pecked your forehead as you sniffled, thinking about his words. As he stood up, you grabbed his hand.
“Dad?” Your voice cracks and he looks down to your sad form. “I love you. Thank you.”
You fell back asleep soon after. Sleep was your only safety blanket, your only holy ground. It was the coping mechanism you shouldn’t have, but desperately needed. Sometimes, you’d end up sleeping at your father’s house from not wanting to be so alone.
Time went by so slowly and finally, a phone call woke you out of your deep sleep, answering without noticing the name. “Hello?”
“Can I come over to talk?” Miguel’s voice was full of gentle fear, like he was afraid to scare you away.
“Where are you telling Gabi that you’re going?”
“She’s with her boyfriend. Mi cielo, Please.”
“Fine. I’m at my dad’s tonight. He'll be home in an hour, and I don’t want him here while we talk about this.” You rolled out of bed and moved to the bathroom.
“I’m on my way.” You hung up after he said that and placed your phone face down on the bathroom sink. Staring at your reflection made you realize something…
You looked awful. You got yourself ready as usual, finally washing your face fully and doing some skin care, brushing and flossing your teeth, brushing your hair and pulling it into a ponytail, and finally putting on a summer sun dress.
You looked like yourself again. And it felt good.
The knock at the door was like a calling card for death, it felt like the end and a sinking feeling grew heavy in your stomach. Thank god for waterproof mascara.
Opening the door, you saw him standing there with a single rose in his hands. You stared at the flower before meeting his eyes.
“Why… did you bring that?”
“Because I saw it and it reminded me of you.” His words made your heart flutter, made your head almost dizzy with the happy hormones, but you needed to keep your cool.
“Um. Thank you.” You took the flower carefully and stepped aside so he could come in. “We… need to talk.”
“I know.” He nodded and sat down, spreading his legs a bit and unbeknownst to him, showing off his large size. He watched you sit across from him, crossing your ankles and playing with the flower in your hand as he cleared his voice. “I should apologize.”
“Yes, you should.”
He smiled, your biting and firey personality showing again. There was his girl.
“When your dad called and asked about the shirt, I was surprised. I didn’t think an old man like me could- would ever get that attraction from a young woman again…” he spoke, “you’re everything that a man could love. Everything a man could ever need, but… I’m too old for you, and I don’t want to hurt your friendship with my daughter.”
You nodded along. His eyes followed your movements, as if waiting for a response, but you didn’t give one.
“So?”
“So, if that’s all you had to say, you can leave now.”
“What?” He was shocked. He- he was trying to admit he wanted you but couldn’t have you, and you were just brushing him off?
“You heard me. You might have another date lined up after this, and I wouldn’t want you to keep her waiting.” The rage in your throat was coming out fast, and you might just start yelling at him if he didn’t leave soon. “Spare me the pity party for your age, Miguel. You know that you’re gorgeous, you can get anyone you want. So cut the shit. Who is she?” You barked and he leaned back, surprised.
“What are you talking about?”
“That woman! She made you so hot and bothered on that stupid date that you fucked the first girl you saw afterwards. Is that the woman you’d been seeing? What’s her name?” You bubbled, louder now. His eyes saw something he never thought he would in yours. Jealousy.
“She- she’s a coworker, it was just dinner-“ he mumbled and you laughed. You laughed!
“Just dinner? Do you think I’m stupid? That’s the one you’d been seeing for months, right?”
“Mi corazón, I don’t know what you think happened, but it didn’t-“ and something hit him. He didn’t owe you an explanation about her. But you wanted one.
You shared his feelings.
This was a revelation. You weren't upset because you regretted everything, or were worried about Gabi.
You were upset because you liked him.
Miguel smiled wide and that just stoked the fire inside of you.
“You think this is funny?”
“Hysterical, actually.” He moved forward and grabbed your wrist, yanking you to sit on his lap. “Because she could never be you, amor.” He tilted your chin with his index finger to look up at him. “I’d choose you a thousand times over.”
You were speechless. “You… would?”
“Well, that depends on your relationship with this boy, because if you were single, I’d chose you. I’d ask you on a date.” His words made your face burn with a heavy blush. “So?”
“So that boy… never existed.” You admitted shyly, avoiding his eyes contact as he laughed harder. “Shut up!”
“Go on a date with me.” He repeated and you nodded, then swallowed thickly.
“But… we need to tell Gabi.” You announced and his body stiffened, that familiar fear he felt before creeping in. “She deserves to know what’s going on.” You watched his eyes. “We already crossed a line we can’t erase, she should be aware that we might start seeing each other.” His hand found yours and he sighed, nodding.
The front door opened and your father stepped inside, barely glancing at the two of you as you both froze. As he took his shoes off, he smirked at you two.
“So the talk went well, I see, which means I’m making some rules. Rule number one, no sex in the house.”
“Dad!” You shouted, standing up fast and stepping forward.
“And protection is a must. My little girl isn’t getting pregnant before she can make her dreams come true-“
“Oh my god, stop talking!” You begged and he folded his arms, Miguel standing up behind you.
“He’s right. He’s just doing what any good father would do, mi amor.”
You visibly saw your father cringe. “Rule number two, no lovey-dovey talk in front of me please. That includes pet names.” He smiled, "I'll let you two have a few more minutes, but then I’m watching the game.” He walked to the kitchen, to which you moved to look at Miguel again.
“So. I’ll see you…”
“Tomorrow. We can tell Gabriella tomorrow.” His voice was firm, a man on a mission. Your man on a mission.
You were dressed in her favorite color. Why? Well, since you were about to tell her, essentially, thatyou wanted to fuck her dad, you figured you’d try to score all the points you could get. You’d keep the fact that you did already a secret for now.
As you got to Miguel’s house, your heart pounded in your chest. He wanted you to meet there so her boyfriend didn’t have to be subjected to the innate awkwardness of the situation.
You tugged at your skirt as you stood, finally knocking on the door. It swung open mere seconds after and you came face to face with Miguel. Your heart skipped as he looked at you and smiled.
“You look… wow.” His eyes were so sweet and puppy like, you couldn’t help but laugh. This gargantuan man was so soft for you, and you thrived for every second.
Holding your hand, he spun you to see the back of your outfit too, then pulled your hands to rest on his shoulders and bent down to press a slow kiss to your lips.
Grabbing the backs of your thighs, he lifted you to wrap around his waist and your hands slid into his thick brown hair as you kissed him back. Your back hit the couch and you gasped as his lips connected with your throat.
“Miguel- she’ll be here any minute!” You spoke, trying not to moan as he smirked against your skin, pulling down one strap.
“I’ll make it quick, I promise.” He whispered and moved his hands under your dress skirt, sliding your panties to the side. “Can’t help it, mi cielo, you get me so hard just looking at you in these damn dresses.” His words had you breathless, combined with his fingers prodding your entrance. The unzip of his pants made you practically dizzy, feeling his swollen tip dipping into you a bit. You took in a sharp breath as he groaned, “so wet already,” and pushed into you. The stretch was intense and your body curled into him instinctively from the burn. “Just a few more seconds, I promise.” His forehead leaned against your and you nodded, your hands pulling at his hair and making him want more of you. His mouth began to suck a bruise into the cleavage of your breasts and your head fell backwards as he sunk into you more, finally bottoming out completely. It was surreal, being filled with him, surrounded by his large body, and having all of your senses drowned in him. Your eyes almost crossed from the feeling it brought you and if you’d been more aware, you’d have heard the door open. But you didn’t, and so when he began rocking into you and lifted both your legs over one shoulder, your mouth fell open in blind pleasure. Your name fell from his lips and your nipples were rock hard from the sensation of him brushing his pelvis against your clit.
“Dad?” A feminine voice struck your ears and your eyes snapped open, upside down and staring at Gabriella looking away. Looking up, you realized Miguel was still moving. He didn’t hear her.
“M-Miguel, stop!” You called out and he immediately halted his movements, looking over your face. You pulled your straps onto your shoulders and stared at Gabi’s face, eyes wide with complete shock. Miguel’s eyes followed yours and he finally realized what was happening.
“Mierda…”
An awkward 20 minutes later of Gabriella refusing to come out of her room, she finally let you in and you sat on the bed with her, face still red as a beet and knee bouncing anxiously.
“So. You and my dad.” She said and you looked up with fear and regret.
“Gabi, I’m sorry, it just happened-”
“I figured it might.” She trailed off and your mouth hung open. “You always sucked at hiding your feelings, and he was always way too protective of you.” She stared at her shoes, “I just didn’t think it’d actually happen, ya know? Like I knew it could, but I didn’t think it actually would.” Your eyes filled with tears, scared to lose your best friend.
“Gabi… I’ll stop if you’re uncomfortable, we’ll stop-”
“And make you both miserable? No thanks. If there’s anyone I’d want my dad to be with, it’s you.” She sat next to you finally and put a hand on your shoulder. “And same with you. He’s had a little crush on you since your sophomore year of college, always just kinda staring, ya know? I tried to ignore it, but when we went to dinner and you two were dancing… it was just kind of obvious. And I want him to be happy.” Gabriella held your hand and you immediately started crying.
“Gabi-“
“But I’ll hurt you if you hurt him. And same goes for him. If you two do this, neither of you can fuck it up. I mean it!” She gave you a serious look and you nodded, smiling and wiping your eyes.
“I love you so much, Gabi.” You whispered and hugged her tight. She sighed and hugged you back. “Just… please don’t ever make me see that ever again.”
“I’m so sorry, I won’t!” You pulled away and looked at her face.
“And I’m not calling you mom either, so don’t ask.”
“God no don’t do that. I would hate that.”
“Ok.” She looked away. “So… is this why you were avoiding me?”
“Yeah… I couldn’t really face him.”
“Well, try not to think about that anymore, since this is happening now.” She heard a knock at the door and Miguel’s embarrassed form stood in the doorway, guilt on his features.
“You!” Gabriella stood up and threw a pillow at him, to which he caught reflexively.
“I’m sorry! I thought you were going to come back later.” His hands went up defensively and she glared at him, making you laugh.
“I don’t ever want to see that ever again. I don’t want to hear it, I don’t even want to think about it.” She shivered with disgust and you started laughing. Everything felt right.
That was until Miguel's work event, which was a few weeks later. He’d invited you as his date, and you excitedly agreed. Picking out your dress with Gabriella, you pulled out a long gown with a high slit to the leg.
“At least with that one, he won’t rip it.”
“Gabi!” You flicked her arm and she shrugged.
“Isn’t Danielle gonna be there?”
“Who?”
“Danielle, that woman he was seeing before you two started dating?” Gabriella glanced up at you from her phone as you stopped everything you had been doing.
“Oh.” Is all you could fathom. That’s right, she was a coworker. Your hands trembled a bit and Gabriella rested a hand on your shoulder.
“He never talked about her, and all he ever talks about anymore is you. So don’t worry.” You nodded and stared down at the blue dress. You bought that dress.
It’d been a few weeks of you and Miguel being together, practically inseparable. He had you sleeping at his house every other night, refusing to let you leave because ‘driving home would be too dangerous at that time of night.’
You knew he just wanted to hold you all night, to continue the constant overstimulation he loved to push you through. Whispers of ‘you can do it,’ ‘one more for me,’ ‘such a good girl, mi cielo.’ You’d twitch, tears streaming down your cheeks from the burn of your muscles, legs around his shoulders as his face buried into your cunt. His face was wet from how many times you’d already been pushed too far over the edge, finally kissing up your body as he smirked, pushing into you. No matter how many times you’d orgasmed, it would always be a stretch to fit him, your eyes rolling to the back of your head as he chuckled. He loved watching you come undone all over his cock all night long, leaving bite marks on your chest and shoulders, feeling your nails leave angry, red marks across his back. God forbid anyone ever saw you two naked the next morning, they’d think you both got into a war with stray cats. Your favorite was when he was about to come inside of you, and he’d pull your wrist to his lips, kissing you there while he unloaded in you, then dropping his forehead to yours and smiling.
The night of the event, you were pushing your breasts together in the dress. Tugging the fabric to fit perfectly, you stared at yourself in the mirror. The navy blue velvet was snug against your curves, the neckline plunging down the center and the slit high on your thigh. It was long sleeved, balancing how much skin was showing perfectly, and you paired it with silver strappy heels. Bouncy curls falling down your shoulders and elegant, simple makeup, you were the picture of grace and beauty.
Yet, the knot in your stomach made you want to lie and say you couldn’t go, that you were sick, that something came up, that you couldn’t go- anything to stay home and not have to see her.
But it was too late, and a knock at your door made you hyper aware of the time. Grabbing a clutch you’d picked to match the dress, you hurried and opened the door.
“Mi cielo-” His eyes dragged over your form and then back up at you. “Preciosa, por dios.” His voice dropped an octave and you smiled, feeling him pull your hand into his chest and kissing your wrist once more, your favorite feeling. You blushed as he spun you around with him, kissing right below your ear and moving lower and lower…
“I’d ravish you right here and now if we weren’t going to be late.”
“I think I’d rather have you take this off of me.” You answered and he pulled away a little, checking your expression.
“Por que?”
“I just- I’m nervous.” You avoided his eyes.
“I’ll be by your side the whole time, I promise.” He spoke softly and you nodded, biting the inside of your cheek. That wasn’t the problem.
Arriving, you couldn’t help but stare at the beautiful decor and elegant architecture of the chosen establishment. It felt like something from a movie, and you felt eyes on you. Turning, you saw Miguel staring at you with a wide grin on his lips, just watching you as you gawked at the interior. His hand slipped into yours and you smiled up at him.
“Let’s find our seats, amorcita.” He whispered and kissed your temple, escorting you to the table in the front of the room. You both went to get drinks and he began to mingle, introducing you to many people you couldn’t remember the names of.
A pair of heels clacking from behind you made you turn a bit and there she was.
That woman.
You made eye contact with her and she refused to look away, practically glaring into your soul.
“Y-You must be Danielle.” You reached out to shake her hand, and she obliged, looking you up and down in judgment. Everything about this introduction made you want to crawl under a rock. She hated you and you would too if someone stole Miguel from you. You originally did, actually.
“Yes, and you’re the little brat who stormed out of his house, right? The one his daughter’s age?” She answered and your stomach dropped. Shit. She tilted her head and gave you a condescending smirk. “Not much to look at, are you? But I guess sometimes a man wants someone who can make him feel young and alive again. That’s a phase, and he’ll get over it-”
Miguel’s arm wrapped around your waist as he walked up to you two and he stared down at Danielle, making her suddenly stop talking and start playing nice in front of him. Your body was shaking a bit, thinking about what she’d said.
“Miguel, nice to see you.” She smiled up at him, bright red lips showing off her white teeth, and you immediately felt inferior. This was a grown woman, an adult who’d worked her way to her position, with degrees in science and more. She was on par with Miguel, and you were just a wannabe dancer.
“I wish I could say the same, Danielle.” His somewhat rude answer made you gawk up at him.
“M-Miguel-” You stuttered, and he continued.
“This is my girlfriend, and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t make her uncomfortable just because you and I have a brief history.” This was too much for you. He was protecting your honor, standing up for you, but you felt pain in your chest from the anxiety. You thought you might pass out then and there. Pulling your hand from his, you rushed to find a quiet place alone. Moving to a hallway separate from everything else, you pushed open a door and sat at a chair and table. The lights were out and you heaved in a long, much-needed breath. A presence could be felt behind you near the door and you slumped your shoulders.
“I just needed a minute, I’m sorry if I embarrassed you.” You apologized and his hands on your shoulders made you feel even worse.
“Amorcita, you have nothing to apologize for. She shouldn’t have been so rude.” He whispered, pulling your hand to stand up. “Let me show you that she was wrong.”
His lips trail down your shoulder and he begins to unzip your dress. Your breath stutters and you glance to the door.
“Did you lock the door?” You ask, panting already from how hot his kisses get you.
“It doesn’t lock, so we have to be quiet.” The dress begins to fall from your arms and you gasp as the cold air against your chest, feeling his hands hold your sides and push the fabric to fall to the floor. He trails one of his hands to touch your clit and he smirks. “No panties? Sucia…” Your head falls backwards onto his shoulder as you grab his arm and he kisses into your hair. “Come on, preciosa, just focus on me.” His words send a shiver down your spine, fingers rubbing in circles as you see stars. Sliding down further, his finger enters you and he growls. “Dripping already, perfect for me.”
You moan and his other hand wraps around your mouth. “Quiet, besita.” You nod and writhe against his hand as he continues plunging his finger inside of you. The curl opf his digit makes you see white behind your eyelids and you feel everything inside of you explode, unexpected and fast. He takes his finger out of you and licks it, unzipping his pants and pulling himself out. He tugs his slacks down a bit and bends you over the dining table, hand sliding up your back and tangling into the hair at the base of your neck. Sliding into you, he puts his other hand onto the front of your belly and thrusts hard. The bulge moves into his hand and his head drops a bit, feeling himself through your stomach making him even more wild for you. Your body was perfect for him, the best thing that had happened to him in a long time, and he couldn’t be more grateful. He wanted to show you that gratitude and so he’d pleasure your body until you understood what you meant to him.
Your gasps and quiet begs made him continue to slowly thrust and rut into your heat. It was sensual and rough, without being too fast, and this made you practically melt in his hands. Your coil was tightening within the seconds and the pull you felt against your scalp as he pulled your back into his chest, now fucking up into you from behind harder. The new angle made you snap, making your mouth drop open and heave in a loud, muffled shriek. You couldn’t help it, he was always so good at maneuvering your body. Your entire being trembled and he pulled out of you, which made you push him backward. He stumbled into the wall behind him and you got on your knees, tongue out and immediately sucking around him. His hot length in your lips was absolutely heavenly, and seeing as you two hadn’t done this before, he was watching you with wild, eager eyes. The view of you on your knees between your legs, his cock in your mouth, and you slurping him like a woman possessed made him practically insane. Miguel couldn’t take much more, and when he felt the tip of his dick hit that back of your throat, that was his last straw. He came hard down your throat and you gagged on the thick spurts, but not once did you cough or spit. You drank it up, licking your lips and never breaking eye contact once.
He was frozen, shocked. His precious girl, his angel… his innocent woman was everything he dreamed of and more. He’d been holding back and staying on the more gentle side, but now? Oh, now you’d opened a door that he didn’t ever want to close.
Standing up once more, completely naked, you bat your eyes to him and he pulled you against him, kissing you feverishly. After a moment more of hard, rough kisses, you panted and pulled away.
“We have to go back out there.” You whispered and he huffed.
“What if I don’t want to?”
“You’re giving a speech, Miguel, you have to go back out there.” You insisted. His hands gripped you with no intent of letting go, but you were able to pry him off of you. Picking up your dress, you wiggle it back on and properly placed, but the marks on your body and the makeup on his face was hard to miss. He tucked himself back into his pants and groaned, trying to pull himself together. You both worked to make yourselves presentable in silence and finally turned back to each other.
He watched you smile a bit and reach for his hand, and he knew she was wrong. This wasn’t a phase. He loved you. He would keep you forever and there was no possible way he’d ever think of anyone else ever again.
Going back out to the party, you both stood by the bar and you excused yourself, walking to the ladies room while he waited for your drinks. You stood in the mirror and stared at your reflection. Your hair was a mess now, and your lipstick was smudged, as well as a few black mascara marks from tearing up while gagging on his cock. You couldn’t help but smile at this, until you saw Danielle behind you. Turning to her, a fear struck you but immediately dissipated as you smirked.
“What’s that look for?” She questioned and you couldn’t help but laugh,
“Just thinking about how unsatisfied he must have been if you couldn’t keep him.” You stared directly into her eyes. “I was planning on being the bigger person, but after having sex with him just now, I think I’ll say fuck that and give you my honest opinion. You’re a miserable, boring bitch. Have a great dinner and I hope you find someone as vanilla and mundane as you.” Your words were like knives being thrown and each one landed with precision and grace. You weren’t one to back down and you wouldn’t start now. Walking out of the bathroom, you turned back to say one last thing.
“And you should know, Miguel never even mentioned you.” You winked as her mouth dropped, leaving without another word. Finding your wonderful boyfriend again, he handed you the drink you had ordered and you bit your lip.
“What’s that look for?”
“I may have said a few things to Danielle just now.”
Miguel blinked with surprise and just laughed. “That’s my fiesty girl.” He said and sipped his drink, slipping his hand around your waist again.
The night went by beautifully after that, talking and laughing with his friends and hearing his speech. You two had left with smiles on both of your faces, and that night, Miguel proved over and over how much he cared for you.
And he continued to prove it every day for the rest of your lives.
Epilogue
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hyunniesgirl · 5 months
Text
Another Love | Part 2
Summary: you've been hopelessly in love with Han since you were children. One night you confess your feelings to him.
Words count: 5,302
Warnings: a bit of angst
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6
>> Masterlist <<
A/N: hello!! I'm really happy about the feedback I got on the first part, I got sick and stressed because of work that's why it took me a bit long to post this part, I'll try and be faster for the next ones. Spoiler: things will get more interesting on the next part.
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Han couldn't sleep, couldn't eat or even function properly since the day you left, it was so strange not having you around. He wakes up, gets to work, the boys make him eat something, they practice, then they eat something again because they know he's going home to starve himself in his pit of misery, then he gets home, takes a shower and goes to sleep.
He's always anxious, too afraid of losing you, every time he looks at his phone he's scared that a message from you will come saying you don't want to be near him anymore, saying you are not coming back.
He really wishes he could like you back, why wouldn't he? You're pretty, smart and funny. But he just never thought about you in that way, he's not sure why. You were always just his best friend, the one person that encouraged him to do the crazy things he wanted, the one person that got his back when things didn't work out, the first one he told when he passed the audition to be a trainee.
When he saw you at the party he was happy to see you smiling with other people, he was usually the one making you laugh but it made him relieved to see you were okay even if it was not with him.
It hurt so much when you ran away from him, he was already feeling bad but that made everything worse. So he drank more and more until he wasn't feeling anything anymore.
He saw the guy you were hanging out with, he was with his friends and you were nowhere to be found and even though he knew you didn't want to talk to him he went after you.
He found you outside, seated on the floor probably getting some fresh air or waiting for Hannah.
When you saw him he wished he didn't go after you at all. Everything happened so fast that he almost didn't manage to hold you before you walked past him running away again.
Han just couldn't let you leave like that, he was that desperate. He wanted to make you stay no matter what and he hurt you once more.
Was he even a good friend at this point? How many times can you possibly hurt someone and still be called a friend? He felt like trash waking up in the morning and remembering everything.
Chan insisted on coming home with him, he was feeling too guilty and too tired to protest, so he let his friend crash on the sofa.
Since Chan was there, Jisung should have expected a full breakfast when he got to the kitchen. Eggs, bacon and toast were waiting for him, but he didn't feel like eating.
"I feel awful, do you think I should go there and apologize to her?" Han asks and Chan shakes his head.
"She needs time, that's all you can give her now"
Han sighs, his anxiety going through the ceiling. He's lost, not sure if it's possible for things to go back to the way it was.
He could tell how worried you got when you saw him at the party, he knows too well the face you make when you want to scold him for not taking care of himself. So he spent the next week trying to get back on his feet, he doesn't want you feeling bad, he wants you to think the least about him so you can get over him soon enough.
So much happened during this time you were not with him, they finished their album and were going to Japan in two weeks. He wanted to show you their music, their new concept, the outfits, you always loved to see the clothes they would wear. You probably already know all of this, since you're living with Seungmin but he wanted to be the one showing you so he could see you smile and feel your support.
>><<
The group had gone to Japan, that included Seungmin, so he asked Hannah to stay with you in his apartment while he was away. It's nice spending so much time with her, there is this boy in her communication class she is absolutely sure will match perfectly with you, even though you already told her you don't want to deceive anyone, the thing with Heeseung made you feel bad enough. You know she's insisting on it because she cares about you, but you don't want to start a new relationship already on the wrong foot.
"I'm sure he's great, but I won't be going out with other people until I feel like I'll be able to get over Jisung"
"And when is that?" She asks frustrated, "I know a lifelong crush won't go away in a month but don't you think you have to meet other people and open up?"
You sigh, you just don't want to hurt anyone during your process of healing.
"If I find someone I like, I'll go out with them, alright? But don't set me up with random people"
She huffs, nodding, that's better than nothing.
Since Han is away, you take the opportunity and go to your apartment. You need some books, you have been borrowing Hannah's in an attempt to avoid going there to pick up yours.
There's nothing different in the house, you don't know if you should feel glad or sad about that. Although your life is turned upside down, things are still the same. You are sure you just need a little more time, things will get better soon.
You know that, because it didn't hurt as much as you thought going back to your apartment, you expected it would be much worse. Maybe it's because he's not there? That could be it but you have hope that the overall pain is gone, that it's not going to be so bad when you see him again.
Of course, as Hannah said, a lifelong love won't go away in a month, nor in two or five months, you're not sure even a year is enough but you can't wait until then, he's still your best friend and you miss him like crazy.
You're going to come back home when you're sure you let go of these feelings. Yes, it's going to be hard being with him but it's harder to stay away from your best friend.
So when you feel like you're finally open to meet new people without comparing them to Jisung and not feel like you're tricking them, when you feel like you can like someone else without feeling guilty, that's when you'll know you are starting to get over Han.
You take some clothes out of your wardrobe and put them in the bag with your books. Hannah is coming to pick you up since Seungmin let you use his car while he's away.
"Are you moving, ma'am?" Hannah asks, seeing your huge bag.
"A girl needs to be prepared", you answer and she laughs.
"Do you want some coffee?", you hum in agreement while turning on the radio.
You feel like it's finally peaceful in your head.
>><<
It's been some time since you visited your family, your parents call you every week to check on you and Jisung but when the holidays come you two have to go back home.
That's how you ended up in the car with him, it's not a long trip since you're going just outside of Seoul but it's still awkward.
This is the first time you're seeing each other after the party. The whole trip it seems like Han wants to say something, but he doesn't, he keeps stealing glances at you, opening his mouth and then closing again like he just thought it better to stay in silence.
"For fucks sake, just say what you want to say", you tell him minutes before your arrival at your family’s home.
He flinches, looking at you with puppy eyes.
"I wanted to apologize, about the whole thing at the party", he clears his throat, fidgeting in his seat.
You stare at him for a few seconds. Even though it hurts, the whole situation is less painful then you thought it would be.
When you received the call from your parents telling you to come home with Han on the weekend you couldn't say no, you don't want them to know about all the drama and before you could make up some excuse about Han's schedule they told you he already had agreed to go.
You exchanged messages with him, setting up the time for him to pick you up at Seungmin's place and you dreaded every minute of every day thinking about the moment you would have to face Jisung again.
When you got into his car, you felt uncomfortable. You made some small talk and left at that, hoping he wouldn't keep trying to talk. It's been two months since you confessed, maybe your heart is already accepting the fact that you and your best friend are just that, friends.
Of course it still hurts, you're not sure how you're going to feel seeing him with a girlfriend, but you hope it'll only get easier from now on.
"It's okay", you say. "You were drunk, let's not think too much about it"
"But I hurt you, again", he sighs, looking at you with a frown on his face.
"Yeah, you did", you sigh, "but you're my best friend and you apologized, I'm not going to hold that against you"
He parks the car, but doesn't make any movement to get out. Jisung is staring at his hands, holding the wheel.
"You're too soft on me", he mumbles.
"I know", you smile sadly, "it's just how things are between us", you open your door urging him to get out. You already can imagine your mothers making a fuss about why you stayed so long inside the car instead of going inside.
Your parents come out while you're going through the gate, your mom has a bright smile on her face and is waiting to give you a hug. It's good to be in her embrace again, her warmth makes you feel like everything will be okay.
"You lost so much weight, aren't you taking care of her?" Han's mother scolds him while giving you a hug and feeling you out.
"It's my fault, school is just crazy right now", you tell her, hugging her back.
"Nonetheless, you should eat", she looks back at your mother, "let's double the side dishes we packed for them", and your mom nods, going back inside with her best friend.
You take a deep breath, receiving a sympathetic smile from Han before he goes into the house. It's going to be a long day.
The lunch is somewhat calm, other than the dozens of questions your families ask to you two. About college, about living by yourselves, about Han's trips, how you stay alone and how that's dangerous, they ask about everything like they don't talk to you every week.
"I forgot the ice cream", your father says, slapping the palm of his hand onto his forehead and you can already predict the scolding he's going to receive from your mother. So you jump on your feet, offering to go to the convenience store to buy some.
"Go with her", Han's father says and he nods.
You wish he didn't, it's suffocating being so close to your best friends while still uncertain of your circumstances, but if you say you don't want to, they are going to ask why and having to explain that is going to be worse than spending the day with Jisung.
You walk quietly, looking at the houses on the street. Everything is still the same, other than some renovations made to the old houses there's nothing new. The convenience store is a ten minute walk away from your house. It's good walking a bit after eating so much, the thing you miss the most about living with your parents is your mother's food.
"Which flavor?" Jisung asks while looking into the freezer.
"My mom likes strawberry and yours like chocolate, let's take both", he nods.
"Oh my god, y/n and Jisung?" You hear that damn voice you can't forget even after almost 10 years.
You put on your best smile and turn around slowly.
"Hi, Haneul", you say, poking Han with your elbow, he's still focused on choosing ice cream.
"Oh, hey", he nods at Haneul, closing the freezer.
She eyes you two up and down and smiles.
"Are you finally dating?" She squeals and you can tell she's just being mean.
"No", you answer before Jisung can even open his mouth, he glances at you with a frown.
"I'm sorry, y/n, it seems not every teenage crush works out", she pouts, smiling even more now that she got what she wanted.
You watch as she turns around, walking more deep into the store and you grab the ice creams from Han's hands, going to the cashier to pay for it.
Haneul hated you ever since Jisung dragged you to go on their date in middle school, it's not your fault but you always guessed she blamed you for things not working out with him.
You want to cry, not because you're sad but because you feel humiliated. It's so frustrating knowing that everyone has always known about your feelings for Han, it's even worse to think one day a lot of your school classmates are going to see his wedding pictures with you as the third wheel as always and think of how much of a loser you're.
"How did she know about that?" He asks when you get out of the store.
"I don't think I did a good job at hiding my feelings", you shrug.
Han stops on his tracks, you only realize that after giving a few steps and you look back to see him staring at you with a confused face.
"Was I the only one that didn't know?" He asks and you sigh, you're not really in the mood to have this conversation.
"Our parents probably don't know either", you say and he huffs.
"I'm not joking, y/n! Why didn't you ever tell me?"
"What difference would it make if you knew?" You yell, finally losing it. You can feel the tears brimming in your eyes, but you won't cry, you were finally feeling a bit better and you're not going to waste another tear on this one sided love.
"Things could have been different, I could have been more careful, I could have told you to-"
He stops mid sentence knowing he shouldn't finish the sentence, but it's already too late.
"Would you have told me to move on?" You scoff, looking around to avoid the tears. "It's not that easy Jisung, this is not the same love you felt in your relationships that lasted three months", you know you're just being mean now, but you can't control it, not with all the hurt you're feeling. "I've been in love with you for years, don't you think I was afraid of that? Of you telling me that years of me pining over you were worth nothing?"
You turn around, "tell our parents that I met someone from high school and I'll be back later", you don't give him time to say anything back before you walk away.
After a few minutes, you feel the tears running down your face. At least you avoided crying in front of him.
Why does it have to be so hard? Why can't you just forget about him already? This process is taking too long and too much of your energy.
You sit in the park, wiping your tears and looking at the children playing. Everything was easier when you were at that age, you had no worries other than if it would rain the day you would go play with your friends outside or which present to give your parents on their birthday.
You look at your phone, answering your messages, your mother sent you a text telling you to not stay out too late but you don't think you'll be able to go back and stay in the same room as Han right now.
"Y/n?" You hear a strangely familiar voice, you look up and see a handsome man walking towards you. You're sure you know his face, but you just can't remember who it is.
He sees your frown and laughs.
"Jeongho? From middle school", he tells you and your eyes widen.
"Oh my god, Jeongho! How are you?" You ask and he smiles, he grew up really well. He's much taller now but he's still as handsome.
"I'm doing well, what about you?" He asks, sitting by your side, "are you visiting your family?"
"I'm great", you smile and nod, "yeah, Jisung and I came to visit"
What are the odds of you meeting Haneul and Jeongho of all people right after you confessed to Han? The universe really must be playing with you.
"I heard that you are living in Japan", you continue.
"Yeah, I came here just for the holiday", he explains, "actually, I come by pretty often to Korea", he clears his throat, looking at you. "Are you and Jisung a thing now?" He asks and you smile painfully, why must you answer this question twice in a day?
"No, still just friends", you tell and he smiles.
He nods, mumbling 'ah'.
"And… by any chance are you single?" He asks and you nod, feeling embarrassed. "Well, that's good news for me", he says, receiving a confused look from you while handing you his phone, "mind giving me your number? I'd like to keep in contact with you"
"Oh", you stare at the device for a moment, trying to process what he's saying. Is he interested in you?
"It's okay if you don't want to", he chuckles, "I'm just shooting my shot, knowing you're not with Jisung"
You laugh, releasing the air you didn't even notice you were holding.
"Yeah, sure", you type your number and give it back to him.
He stares at you with a satisfied smile before getting up.
"I have to go now, my family is waiting for me, but I'll text you", he says, flashing a smile and waving goodbye to you.
That was certainly unexpected, you would have never imagined you would meet Jeongho and he would still be interested in you. That lightens up your mood a bit, maybe this time you'll make the right choice and choose the person that likes you back.
You and Han don't share a word on your trip back, you don't want to talk to him and he seems too deep in his thoughts to say anything to you.
You finally can breathe when you get to Seungmin's, he's waiting with Hannah, beer and food, all you needed after this hell of a day.
>><<
You are in a lilac long dress, your friends are all seated in the first row. The church is full of people, some you know, some you're not so sure. You're happy, feeling your heart beat fast and butterflies on your stomach. Jisung is looking directly at you, he smiles with a proud look on his face.
However, before you can step closer to him, a loud piano sound starts playing and after a few seconds you recognize the wedding march. People stand up but they are not looking at you, neither is Han, they are all looking at the church doors where a beautiful woman is entering in a long white dress, a child walks in front of her, throwing roses in her path. The familiar round full cheeks make your stomach sink, why does that child look so much like Han? He doesn't have a younger sibling.
Then, it all sinks in, you're not the bride. Of course not, he's marrying another woman, a beautiful one at that. He's building his life and forming a family and you're just there on the sidelines. The bride steps in front of him and gives you her bouquet, smiling kindly at you.
You open your eyes abruptly, your chest is going up and down at a fast pace and your breathing is heavy, you're soaked in sweat. It was all a dream, a nightmare.
You sit on the sofa, feeling sore, all your muscles are tense. You can't believe you actually dreamt about something like that, your fear of always being there watching your best friend have his own life while still in love with him is taking over, even though you're trying to get over him.
It's two in the morning and you can't go back to sleep. It's better to take a shower and maybe go for a walk to calm your nerves.
The warm bath helps make you relax, but the memories from your dream keeps coming up on your mind again and again.
You text the only person who is probably still awake at this time and your phone buzzes seconds after your message is sent.
“To what do I owe the pleasure of being contacted by my most beautiful friend?” Chan's voice sounds on the other side of the line.
You chuckle.
“I knew you would be awake”, you tell him, fidgeting with your feet while trying to explain what's happening to him without humiliating yourself.
“I had a pretty bad nightmare and wanted to take a walk, maybe eat something? I don't know”, you whisper the last part and Chan sighs, he can tell you're not feeling well.
“Sure, I wanted to take a break anyway”, he says even though he's full of work to do.
You meet at a convenience store nearby, Chan's apartment is not far from Seungmin's since they can't live far away from each other, everyone lives close. You and Jisung did too- cursed man, coming back through your mind even though you're trying to think of anything but him.
“So”, Chan says, taking you out of your thoughts, “Jisungie told me you had a bit of an argument”, he tells you carefully, resting his elbows on the table you two are seated while he holds the beer can.
You sigh, of course he would tell Chan.
“Yeah, we just met someone from middle school during our trip and it ended up like that”, you explain after swallowing a mouthful of the hot spice ramen you have in your hands.
“I know things are not easy right now, for you or for him”, he says carefully, “but you're best friends, you have to communicate and talk things through”
“I guess”, you sigh. It's not easy to talk about Jisung, more so after the dream you had. You thought the worst part was already over, that you were finally getting over him. But it turns out it's not just willingness that makes things happen.
You wake up to your phone buzzing, you look at the time it's almost noon. You look through your messages and can't help but smile, Jeongho has been messaging you everyday since the last time you saw him. It's nice having this kind of attention, he's handsome and nice, maybe it's time for you to open your heart to someone else. The nightmare you had really terrified you, just thinking about it makes your head hurt and your chest ache.
Jeongho: good morning
Jeongho: I'll be in Korea next week, maybe we could have dinner together?
You: morning
You: yeah, that would be great!
You decide to give this a chance, it's not like it is going to kill you and Jeongho is well aware about your longing feelings for Jisung.
You're dressed in a red dress, feeling a bit uncomfortable, formal attire is not your usual outfit choice, but Jeongho set the date in a really fancy restaurant that you're not used to.
Of course you went to fancy restaurants before, the boys took you out often to celebrate their awards and new comebacks but since you always insisted on paying for your meals, they usually went to fancy but still affordable places.
Jisung always offered to pay for your meals, but you never accepted. If he did, you were afraid you would look too much like a couple and your heart might make you even more delusional.
“Good evening, how can I help you?” The receptionist asks and you look around, trying to find your date.
“Hm, hi. I'm here to meet a person, Kang Jeongho?” You eye the list on the counter to try and see if his name is there.
“Yes, mr. Kang is waiting”, he tells you, “may I take your coat?” He asks, gesturing to the long cover you have over you.
“Ah, yes”, you say, taking the piece and giving it to him.
The man gestures for you to follow and you walk behind him to the second floor. Jeongho is waiting at a table close to the window, he's looking at the view that you can see now it's marvelous.
“Mr. Kang”, the receptionist says and Jeongho turns around, giving you a big bright smile while standing up.
“Thank you”, he tells the man who nods at you and walks back to the first floor. “You look beautiful”, he tells you, pulling the chair so you can sit.
“Thank you, I didn't even know there was a second floor in this restaurant”, you say while watching him take his seat.
“Yes, they only open it on special occasions”, he says and you frown, looking around.
“You mean, they opened it so we could eat here?”
He nods, chuckling to your terrified face.
“What are you, the president’s son?” You joke, nervously, suddenly feeling absolutely out of place and underdressed.
“Not at all, you know my father and he's far away from politics”, he jokes back, “I’m friends with the son of the owner, he owed me one so I just asked for a favor”, he shrugs.
You look dumbfounded, who is this guy? Surely not the same teenager that looked absolutely heartbroken when you rejected him in middle school.
“What did you do for him to go to such lengths to pay you back?” You ask, curious.
“I introduced him to his wife”, he smiles, “he's madly in love with her, so this was nothing to how grateful he is to me”
“Oh”, you nod. That must be nice, having someone madly in love with you.
The waiter interrupts your interrogation to ask for your orders, you have no idea what to choose, but Jeongho explains to you each dish, asking if you would like something more spicy, salty or sweet and telling which one he thought you'd like better based on your answers.
“You know, you were my first crush”, Jeongho blurts out after the waiter takes the plates back to the kitchen. You feel your whole face hot, looking at him with wide eyes, “I'm sorry, I just thought you should know”, he smiles and you notice he has some deep dimples in his cheeks.
“I thought you asked me out in middle school because you lost a bet or something”, you put your hands to your cheeks, trying to ease the redness.
“I think you never gave yourself enough credit”, he points out, leaning his face on his hand while watching you. “You were always too focused on Jisung to actually see that I was not the only one looking at you with heart eyes”
You smile sheepishly, you knew your crush on your best friend was going to come up in the conversation at some point, but now that it did you don't know how to talk about it.
“Well, I found out not long ago that I was not as good as I thought at hiding my feelings”, you tell him, “apparently everyone knew that I liked my best friend—except him”
“Am I right to presume that you still have those feelings?” He asks slyly, your heart is beating fast, what if you tell him the truth and he says he doesn't want to see you anymore?
“Actually-”, you sigh, “I'm trying to get over them at the moment”
It's better he knows the truth, so he can enter this aware of your standing.
“Well, that's more than I expected”, he chuckles and you look at him confused, “I thought you were still hang up on him”
“I actually confessed”, you're feeling a bit more confident after his reaction, “and I was rejected, so I don't think there's much for me to hang on anymore”
“So, I'm sorry if I'm being too straightforward- but could I be greedy and believe I have a chance?” He asks and you're sure his eyes are wavering a bit, is he nervous? Did you actually make someone feel that way because of you?
“Yes”, you tell him, biting back a smile and blushing, he smiles at you sighing in relief.
He stands up and reaches his hand out to you.
“Then, shall we take a walk? I have a long way to make you fall for me”, he bites his bottom lip, waiting for you to take his hand.
This is it, the first step for you to get over Han Jisung.
Han sees Lia's lips move but he can't actually hear what she's saying, every word you said the last time, keeps sounding on his mind like a bloody curse.
What would he have done if he had known sooner? Would he have liked you back? Surely not, after all these years he didn't feel anything romantically related towards you, but that may be because he never thought about you in that way. Would he have told you to move on?
"Are you listening?" Jisung hears Lia say and snaps out of his thoughts.
"Yes, of course", he lies, giving her a slight smile and grabbing her hand to squeeze it.
"You're just… acting strange, since you came back from your parent’s house", she frowns.
"It's nothing, I just… had an argument with y/n and now she's mad at me", he tells a half truth.
"I'm sure she's going to forgive you", Lia says, sympathetically, "you're best friends after all"
Han nods, sighing.
He had avoided telling her the whole situation with you, it could make her insecure since you two live together.
There's something different too, he just doesn't feel the same way about her anymore, the burning flame and excitement he felt when they first started going out is slowly dying down and he just doesn't know what to do anymore.
All his previous relationships ended up because he was too busy, or because his personality didn't actually match with the other person, sometimes the girl he was dating just felt uncomfortable about his friendship with you, but he couldn't end years of friendship because he was dating so he ended the relationship.
However, Lia is different. She's great and confident, she doesn't care that he lives with you because she trusts him. She's calm, her personality is nice, she's nice. So why? Why is he feeling like this suddenly? Why is he wavering when it comes to starting this new relationship?
When he gets to practice after a weekend of resting, he is still confused, however, he's trying his best to stay focused on their new album, music is the only thing he is sure of in his life right now.
It's half past the time practice should start and Seungmin is not there yet, after one more song he asks Bangchan about it, he's starting to get worried, what if something happened to you?
“Oh, don't worry about it, he's just interviewing his roommate prospect”, Chan answers.
Han freezes. Then, that means you're going back home?
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A/N: If you like what I write please reblog or let me know in the comments, feedback gives me motivation to keep writing.
Taglist(I won't be tagging people without age in their profile or blank blogs in my content)
@hhwangsmoon @weareapackofstrays @shycreationdreamland @adestayskz @skizmee @ca11me3mily @realviviboss @sofix-hc7 @seungminsapuppy @starsandrqindrops @its-hannjisung @redstayrosie @mae-is-cute98
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allsassnoclass · 2 years
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theabigailthorn · 5 months
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Have you considered moving to america? you know there are a lot of blond americans in america, and most of them would be absolutely enchanted by a tall lady with a fancy-pants british accent
I've thought about it, for career reasons rather than romance!
It's a difficult question. If I were to move to the US, right now L.A. would be the place to go: I have contacts there and I'm developing projects there. It's likely I'd be able to have a better standard of living out there too. There's also the political angle: if the Conservatives win the next British election there's a nonzero chance I'll have to leave the country because if they pass a national bathroom law and I can't use a women's toilet, I can't go to work on a set or in a theatre! I know the US is worse in a lot of places, but at least over there some politicians are standing up for trans people, some politicians are trans, some cities are refusing to comply with discriminatory laws... There seems to be a better line of defence over there, in some places? The sorts of places I would be going to live anyway. It feels like in the US the extremes are more extreme: some states are worse than Britain, but some are actually better. I think the US entertainment industry is in some ways ahead of the UK on trans issues - I've had British people straight up refuse to work with me cause I'm trans even though that's illegal, and string me along for ages cause they think I'll be a diversity checkbox for them. Whereas in my (admittedly limited) experience American producers are more willing to give me a shot and don't see my transness as an obstacle. The producers of [SUPER REDACTED] are American and they gave me that role even though the character is written as cis and cis women auditioned alongside me! I thanked one of them like, "Hey, this sort of thing has never been done and it's not the sort of thing trans people are usually allowed anywhere near!" and she was like, "Bwuh? You nailed the audition, why wouldn't we give it to you?" I said to her at the wrap party, "The idea that a trans woman could be a [PERFORMER OF THIS TYPE] has not yet entered the minds of anyone outside this room, and when it does it's going to be a gamechanger for all of us." See also Nebula! I pitched Dracula's Ex-Girlfriend to them and they greenlit it 15 days later. Contrastingly, I emailed a pitch deck and pilot episode for a trans-led TV series to a bunch of British production companies back in August and a lot of them haven't even read it yet. I like working for Americans because they just seem to get it on a level that a lot of Brits don't, yet.
On the other hand!
The entire US entertainment industry is about to move to Britain! So, maybe the smart career move is to stay. My family are here, my home is here, and despite everything I do love this country. I would be sad to leave. But we'll see. The next few years are likely to be a little... unusual. My plan right now is to have one foot in both countries, and then perhaps at some point the acting industry will make the decision for me.
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nina-ya · 6 months
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Patching up Sanjis Wounds
Zoro Law Sanji Shanks Ace Luffy Sabo Doflamingo Pairing: Sanji x Reader CW: Blood mentions, light wound descriptions, Sanji being a little flirty shit as usual. WC: 756
The chances that the love cook would take a huge hit for you and leave you to be the one to patch him up are high, and unfortunately this exact scenario just unfolded. Sanji is currently sprawled out in front of you after taking a major hit for you, bleeding from every place imaginable. The bleeding from his nose is most likely from the fact that you’re currently compressing some of the cuts on his chest so they can clot and those lovesick eyes he is directing towards you is practically confirming your suspicions. “Why did you do that?! Do you know how reckless that was?!” You practically yell at him as you scramble to help him. “I always help a lady in need, especially you~” he slurs out. You can’t tell if he’s love drunk or has lost too much blood based on the way he’s speaking. You roll your eyes at his response and start unbuttoning his shirt to take a better look at his wounds. He seems to light up at your touch. “Mademoiselle, I didn’t think this would be how our first time would go. I imagined preparing a lovely dinner fir-“ You groan loudly. “Sanji! With all due respect, this is not what you think it is. Get your mind out of the gutter and tell me where it hurts.”
He pouts when you shoot his advances down. “It hurts right here,” he says, guiding your your hand over his heart. Before you scold him again for his flirtation at this inappropriate time, you see the deep red that has enveloped his chest and you gasp softly. Sanji's injury is much worse than you initially thought, and the sight of the deep red seeping from his chest was enough to fill you with concern. You hold back your frustration and focus on the task at hand. "Sanji, where else does it hurt?" He winces and lets out a heavy sigh, his usual confident demeanor momentarily fading as he admits, "Everywhere, honestly." You fight back the pang of frustration and set your focus on treating him. "Alright, let's get you patched up. But seriously, Sanji, no more of your romantic fantasies right now. We need to stop this bleeding." As you work to remove his blood-soaked shirt, Sanji can't help but show his appreciation, although his pain is clear. "You have the gentle touch of an angel, ma belle." You can't help but let out a half-laugh, half-sigh. "Sanji, I'm trying to save your life here, not audition for a romance play." He manages a weak smile amidst his discomfort. "Sorry, it's just hard not to admire your beauty, even in the midst of all this." You smile slightly and focus on cleaning his wounds, and begin to wrap up some of the deeper gashes. Sanji winces and grits his teeth, but he doesn't complain about the pain. He seems to understand the gravity of the situation, and it has sobered him up, for the most part. “You know this was stupid, right?” You mutter softly, your voice filled with care. “Nothing is stupid when it comes to you.” he retorts. You let out a sigh. “Sanji, this was very stupid. If you had gotten more hurt than this, if you had… if you had died, I…” you trail off, suddenly becoming emotional. Your lip quivers as you try to focus on holding back tears so you can help him. Sanji sees your distress and lightly grabs your hand. “I will not die, not any time soon at least. I need to at least get a kiss from you before I can say I have lived a satisfied life.” You sniffle, your emotions still raw, but you manage a small laugh in response. “Yeah, well, I don't think ill be satisfied with just a kiss.” Sanjis' blue eyes sparkle with longing and a grin spreads across his face. “Oh? Do tell what it is you had in mind.” He says cheekily. Your laughter fills the air and affection floods your voice. “Hey, lets get you to Chopper first, okay?” You say, finalizing the wrapping of the wounds. “But for now, I will leave you with this.” Leaning in, you press a kiss to his lips. Its a tender and affectionate kiss, conveying all the emotions you had been suppressing: relief, gratitude, and an undeniable connection between you two. Sanjis' Lips were warm and warm and welcoming, and for that moment, you can forget about the chaos of the world around you two.
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sseastar · 4 months
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✶ small things ; wang yixiang.
info. nicholas x reader. fluff. can be established relationship or friends to lovers. description. nico and his habits towards you in your friendship / relationship. just nico being a cutie and a menace. a cute menace. warnings. play fighting. physical touch. listen to. love 119 by riize
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accidentally tickling you + the need to keep doing it.
you know that clip of nico just touching the exposed skin through fuma’s ripped jeans? and fuma getting ticklish because of it and stopping nicholas’s hands, but nico’s hand keeps gravitating back to it? i feel like nico would do this with you. initially, it’s usually just him gently grazing the skin on your arm or neck or knees with his nails or fingertips. the moment you squirm away, something in nico’s brain tells him that he needs to keep touching that same spot unless you really tell him to stop (you usually don’t). he also squeezes your leg or thigh just to make you jump. and then commences the game of you trying to catch nico’s hands before they can touch you again but still playing along because of course you will. you always have.
playful attacks when you’re teasing him.
there’s a video of nico just like, fake tickle attacking gaku during one of the &audition episodes that i just saw recently and my first thought was just nicholas going for your waist whenever you tease him for something. you tease him a lot whenever you get the chance because he, of course, does the exact same to you. so it’s no surprise to you anymore when you just kind of quickly scoot away after teasing him because you know what’s coming, and sure enough, nico’s hands just shoot quickly towards your waist after you like, talk about an embarrassing moment he had.
it used to just be something he had to decide to do (he knew whatever you were saying was a joke so that was his choice to retaliate) but at some point it just became second nature for him to start wiggling his fingers towards your sides. is it because he’s just gotten used to it? or is it because his hands know his need to hear your laugh? you may never know. nico also finds joy when he just brings his hands relatively near you and your giggles just fall out of your laugh without him even touching you.
feeding you.
with nico looking as if he would be a tsundere, the way he holds out food to the members without looking is so characteristic of that. there’s a couple of clips of him feeding harua by just holding out ice cream or tanghulu to his mouth without even looking. something about that melts my heart because it’s like he wants people not to make a big deal but he’s just too caring for me to ignore.
nico does the same thing to you. just holding his drink up to your lips if he knows you like his drink better than your own. holding up food combinations he wants you to try (like when he fed harua the seaweed) and patiently waiting for your opinion. if you can’t decide which dish you want to order, he would order both and let you pick which one you would like better. and of course, cooking you sausage wherever and whenever you want.
poking your cheek + tapping your chin.
i’ve seen nico do this a lot to euijoo and taki (especially in the scent of you behind). it seems to be his way of teasing but with affection, because he had done it after reviewing their scenes in the mv. i think it’s his way of saying you did well, i’m proud of you, and i think you’re absolutely adorable, but i’m gonna do this little cat scratch thing because i’m too shy to actually tell you (so lino-coded i love this).
nico will just randomly tap underneath your chin or poke your cheek, usually when it comes to times when you’re being complimented or getting flustered. he thinks you’re adorable with the way you suddenly can’t make eye contact and can only let out a stuttering ‘thank you’ and so he just has the sudden urge to make it worse by doing the whole underside of the chin gentle tap with his fingertip or knuckle.
making random sounds to get your attention.
i’m sure we mostly all know about nico’s “ooh sexy joo” clip, and if you don’t, you’ll probably find out soon. but something tells me that the way he hypes up euijoo and the sounds he makes along with it translates to you as well. a lot of times, when he’s bored and you’re not paying attention to him he just starts making those ‘oooooo’ sounds that he was making during their photoshoot behind. it’s kind of difficult to ignore the fake ghost sounds your best friend is making but it’s come to the point that if he isn’t making these sounds when he wants your attention, then something’s wrong and he’s probably jealous of someone grabbing your attention instead of him.
it’s not rare for you to be trying to finish an assignment at your desk with nico just sprawled out on your bed, limbs hanging off the sides of your mattress. when he senses you’re almost done, nico starts to make these sounds or just starts to hum your favorite song unconsciously, reaching over to you to play with your free arm or your hair, hoping that it’ll help speed up your progress on your work. spoiler alert: it doesn’t, but you don’t have the heart to tell him otherwise.
his tired clinginess in the morning.
just blank nico in the morning. tired baby will just go up to wherever you are, cooking, getting ready, brushing your teeth, whatever. he would just go up to you and cling close as he’s waking up, not with arms around you or anything but just standing with his chest pressed to the back of one of your shoulders as he watches what you’re doing, eyes unfocused and head slightly dipped towards you - he might not be a morning person but being around you makes it better.
sometimes you get surprised despite getting used to this habit because one moment, you’re in the kitchen pouring milk into your cereal. when your turn back from the fridge after putting the carton away, nico’s just standing silently behind you, not reacting to the little laugh you let out at your surprise like he usually would (he loves your laugh). instead, you simply take a spoon and drop it into your bowl as nicholas just brings his body close to yours and lightly presses his chest against your back. he watches you eat over your shoulder, simply opening his mouth when you bring up the spoon to it, and nuzzles his head into your neck as he chews, basking in the little pats you give to the side of his head and face.
hiding his face from or behind you.
as intimidating as our lovely boy can look, nico is just a shy baby when it comes to being teased or excessively complimented. you love how he gets when this happens and so sometimes you purposely praise him over and over again just to get him flustered. at these times, nicholas just hides his face from you so that you can only see his eyes (like in the ‘our diary - acrobatic’ video when k said it was his turn to do the last challenge and he hid his face behind the mats). the giggle that leaves your mouth only causes his heart to stir even more, and he tries his best not to giggle back as much as he feels like he needs to. he has a dark image to protect lol.
if someone else makes him shy and you’re near him, he goes immediately to take your arm and hide his face behind it with the cute high pitched nico laugh we love. more often, nico just steps behind you and plants half his face on your shoulder, again only leaving his eyes to be shown. euijoo had once said that nicholas one of the most important people in his life so casually, and the next moment, nicholas had already left your side and had his face hidden behind your shoulder. so cute.
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⌕. author’s note ; did i disappear again? yes i did and i’m so sorry! i did have a lot of motivation to write over break but never had the time because of family plans, but! i am still working on current wips and starting to work on &team works! thank you for waiting!!
as always, please leave feedback and reblog with tags as it’s the most important thing when it comes to motivating writers on here! without feedback, i have less motivation to keep writing so pls pls pls do not just like and empty reblog! it gets very draining and unmotivating to see when that happens!
⌕. taglist ; @enhacolor @soobin-chois @koishua @chrysbibi
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belovedmusings · 30 days
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Take me down slow, control, and abuse me.
Choso Kamo x You x Suguru Geto
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Explicit Themes 18+ (🚫Minors DNI🚫)
Part eight of the 'Two + One' story. Click for story masterlist.
Guitarist! Choso Kamo is your boyfriend, and he just woke you up in the middle of the night after he heard you having a certain dream about his bandmate, Suguru. This is the subsequent conversation.
Relevant tags: sexual tension, thoughts of infidelity, characters with questionable morals, Choso is sweet and loyal, slow burn, no "y/n" for immersion, 2nd POV, reader has no defining characteristics, explicit smut, cowgirl, riding, nipple play (fem receiving), oral sex (male receiving), soft and tender sex, love bites, creampie
Recommended songs to listen to while reading: Use Me (PLAZA), I Wanna Be Yours (Arctic Monkeys), fue mejor (Kali Uchis, SZA)
A/N: Enjoy ;)
Read on Ao3 if you prefer!
Or read below cut:
His eyes are locked on yours. There’s no vindication—just confusion. You can’t lie to him. It hurts too much to even think about telling this precious man you love an untruth. 
“Choso,” You begin, slicing through the tension-thick air. There’s a lump already forming in your throat, and you brace yourself to lose the man you love. “I…I need to be honest with you.”
Worry instantly etches into his features. “…all right.”
“When I said I just thought he was good-looking, that…that wasn’t the entire truth. I…ever since we met him, I-I’ve been attracted to him but I-I…I love you so much, the guilt is eating me alive.”
It all comes out in a rush, the truth of your feelings, and it takes him a moment to catch up with you to process your words.
He digests the initial part first. “Ever…since we met him? You mean, at my audition?”
You nod shamefully. It’s begun–and you decide now is the best time to just get it all out. There’s no way he’s going to accept everything you’ve done, because you know you wouldn’t, but you just can’t keep hiding things from him. This is the man you love, and what is love without honesty?
After you start, it just pours out of you.
Everything that has happened. Initiating sex in the car after you left his house because he’d turned you on, listening to his voice on repeat through the band’s songs, the fantasizing, the stolen moments that happened in Suguru’s kitchen, then backstage at their concert, then three times again that same night, once at the bar, then in the car, then in your living room after Choso had been carried to bed, then two months later when you brought him back to talk after running into him at the grocery store. All of the forbidden touches, the heated words, the almost-kisses–you spill it all. He deserves to know. He’s too good of a person to be with someone as horrible as you.
By the time you finish, the two of you had sat up in bed, a bedside lamp on to illuminate the room. Sleep is lost on you both now. 
For a while, he just sits there in silence, eyes trained on the foot of the bed. It feels stuffy yet cold, and you wonder if you’ve stopped breathing at some point, waiting for his response. You’re not even sure what you expect. How can anyone possibly react to something like what you just told him?
Your heart drops through you at the first sight of a tear sliding down his cheek. He hasn’t said anything, but it’s clear that he’s hurting. 
What have you done? You were given the most precious boyfriend in the world and you’ve screwed it up by being selfish and undisciplined? 
He parts his lips, searching for the words. They only come after another beat of silence. 
“...all of that…” He begins in a gravelly voice, one you know he uses when he’s holding back his emotions, “and…all I can think about is…I’m in the way of you and him, aren’t I?”
You had no idea what you expected, but that reaction is ten-thousand times worse than anything you could’ve conjured up in your head. 
“No,” Your own voice shakes, you’re hurt because you hurt Choso, “You’re not…you’re not in the way, you’re my boyfriend. I love you.”
“But you want him,” He replies, voice strained. His eyes are still averted from you. “And he wants you. Not just a little, either.”
What argument can you make? You just have to speak from the heart. “Choso, I swear to god, I love you and Suguru hasn’t affected the way I feel about you in the slightest.”
“But I’m not your only option,” He says, monotony terribly forced as more tears stream down his cheeks. “And your other option is Suguru. The guy who is everything I am and more.”
You wonder if the crack you just felt in your heart was audible. “What?”
“He can give you the things I can…and the things I can’t.”
You need to fix this now.
“You’re the man I love,” You say, “Choso, what we have is so special, and–”
“I want what’s best for you,” Choso interrupts you, finally meeting your eyes. They’re glassy and weighted. “I just want you to be happy. He can make you happy.”
“No,” You instantly say, “No, loving you is what makes me happy. Being with you makes me happy. I don’t want to leave you, Choso. I don’t.”
“If you’re happy with me, then why…why do you want Suguru that badly?”
The full truth. What has exactly cemented itself within your soul–you need to bear it to him now. 
“Choso,” You begin, taking his hands and locked eyes with him. “I need you to believe me when I say that I have never ever second-guessed my feelings for you. I know that I am in love with you, and every single moment with you is a blessing that I will forever be grateful for. It’s just that…since I met Suguru, I’ve begun imagining what it would be like with him. Also, not instead. I want you in my life, I want you loving me, I want you to be my boyfriend now and forever, and more if that’s what comes with our future. But I…honestly, I want Suguru there too.”
Choso looks perplexed for a moment, eyes flitting between yours as he once again absorbs all of your words. “...you want him…too?”
Your next nod is earnest yet careful. “Yes. I know it’s ridiculous, selfish, and impossible, but I love and cherish you so much…and I want Suguru. I could never be without you, Chos’, and I sure as hell could never ever replace you with him. I don’t even know if Suguru and I are actually compatible and would go anywhere. Please, believe me.”
He draws in a slow breath, eyes never leaving yours. 
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry that you have to deal with this, and with me,” You add, “And I understand if you want me gone, I know even thinking that is horrible, and I am the worst person on Earth for hurting you.”
“I don’t want you gone,” He immediately says, surprising you thoroughly. 
“What? But I’m…I’m pretty sure all of this qualifies me as some sort of heartless…whore.”
He furrows his eyebrows, shaking his head vehemently. “You are not a whore. Do you go out every time I’m gone and sleep with random men you meet? Do you message more online? Do you send them pictures?”
“N-no, of course not.”
“You’re not a whore,” He says again, sighing heavily. “It’s…this is Suguru we’re talking about. Just Suguru. And this has gone on since we met him, for what…the better half of a year now? More than that? You haven’t even kissed him, let alone slept with him. You just…you just have a lot of affection to give.”
You look down at your lap. “It’s probably just physical, anyway…”
“You said you told him you wanted more, though, after he said that’s what he wants,” Choso points out. “Don’t sugarcoat it for me.”
“No, I-I mean, I’ve barely been around him. Who’s to say it isn’t just lust?” You feel like you’re backtracking, but also like maybe you’re telling the truth. You don’t know anymore. “Maybe I was just caught up in it all when he said it. We could end up not liking each other at all if we really got to know each other…”
After you trail off, no words fill the space between you two for another few moments. 
“So,” he exhales, “You want him…too. In what sense?”
“Well,” You begin unsurely. “I…don’t know.”
“Do you think if you slept with him, your curiosity would go away?”
There’s a seriousness that hangs in the air, one that you can’t help but feel is unwelcome.
“What?”
“I just…don’t see another solution to this. Because I love the band, and Suguru made it clear he wants me to stay. That means that at some point, you two are going to have to be around each other. If you…end up alone, it could mean you two just give in, and none of us want that. Suguru doesn’t want to go behind my back, you don’t want to cheat on me, and I don’t want either of you to betray me.”
“But I still don’t see how the correct solution is for me to sleep with him,” You reply rather bluntly, bewildered.
“Because then I’d know about it,” Choso explains. “I mean, listen…I don’t like the idea of the woman I love sleeping with another man, but this isn’t just some guy, it’s Suguru. I know he’s a good man. I know he respects me. So if I…allowed you to…see what he’s all about, then no one would be lying to anyone. There would be no problem.”
Your eyes narrow. Is your boyfriend seriously suggesting you sleep with Suguru?
“But…what about your feelings? I’d still be…getting intimate with another man. Wouldn’t that bother you?” You question him, running a hand through your hair. 
“It’s not bothering me as much as it should,” He admits, “Because…all this time, all those moments, and neither of you said ‘forget about him’ and did it behind my back. Yes, you two have gotten close, but you’ve stopped yourselves. So…I know you both care about me. It sounds so strange coming from me, but…I’d let you do it, love.”
All you can do is draw in a deep breath. What is he even saying? 
He’s seriously giving you the go-ahead? To sleep with Suguru?
“All I ask is…for you to agree to a few things,” Choso adds, “You’d use protection…and…don’t kiss him.”
Don’t kiss him.
A flash of Suguru’s lip rings comes to mind like the shutter of a camera, and you steel yourself. No kissing him. Something you’d fantasized about for the longest time…barred. 
But he’s letting you sleep with Suguru. 
So what if you can’t kiss him?
“Okay,” You nod, then you hear yourself, and you shake your head, “W-wait, no, Choso, I can’t do this to you. You can’t be okay with this!”
“But I am,” He insists, reaching up and touching your face. There is only a gentleness in his eyes, no hint of anger or animosity towards you in them. “I love you, and I want to give you the world. If I can give you this by simply allowing you, I will.”
“But it’s sex,” You argue, “For crying out loud, Choso, how can you be okay with this? I’d never be okay if you wanted to sleep with another woman!”
“That’s okay,” He assures you, “It is sex, and to the two of us it means something different. For me, it’s exclusive. For you, it's an expression. I don’t like sleeping with anyone I’m not in love with, but for you, it’s more about who you find attractive. I trust you. I know you’ll never leave me, you’ve made that clear. If, throughout this entire thing, you’ve fantasized about Suguru yet never resented me or started finding faults in me, wishing I was him…I know you love me.”
“I do,” is what you reply with immediately. “I love you so much, Chos’.”
“See? I trust you,” He repeats. “If you wanted to cheat you’d have done so by now.”
For a while, you just remain silent.
Is he really giving you a pass? To have sex with Suguru? Just like that?
“Will you look at me differently? And him?” You ask, searching his eyes with yours.
“You’re always going to be the woman I love,” Choso shakes his head. “And he’s always going to be Suguru.”
“What about when we’re all together? When you’re in the same room as me and him? Will you be able to take it?”
Choso consider your words for a moment before nodding. “Yes. I will. Things will probably be less tense now that it’s out in the open, don’t you think?”
“…well, possibly, yes.”
There is about a full minute of absolutely no sound in the room. You don’t know what to say. You weren’t expecting a full fight, because you know that’s not what Choso is about, but you sure as hell weren’t expecting this either. How are you supposed to react?
Choso has given you his permission to sleep with Suguru. You can actually do what you’ve been wanting to do–well, mostly–and more than anything, right now you’re just feeling…weird. 
“Chos’, I…I don’t know what to say…”
He shakes his head. “You don’t have to. We’ve talked it over and said everything we need to say.”
Well, he’s right. You’ve asked about his feelings, about his reaction, he knows the dirty details of your thoughts…and this is the end result. The boyfriend you have been in love with since before this entire mess has started still loves you even after everything you’ve considered doing, and everything you’ve done, and what’s more is that he is green-lighting even more that you never thought he’d be okay with.
Your eyes happen upon him, and you really take him in. The way his layered hair falls in messy strands around his face, the soft droop of his chocolate eyes, smeared with his trademark purple eyeliner. You follow the shape of his jaw, the curve of his Adam’s apple down to his neck, further to the collar of his shirt, where you remember he has that tattoo of your name on his heart. More than ever now, you understand that he’d gotten that done with utmost sincerity. So much emotion sweeps over you in a tidal wave–you love your boyfriend so much, and you’re sorry he’s even in this position, whether he’s okay with it or not. 
There isn’t much time between after you’ve had that thought and when you climb into his lap, kissing him in a way that you hope conveys everything you’re feeling for him at the moment. 
Choso responds eagerly, and soon layers come off, the black ink of your name etched into his breast on full display. It’s a lot of touching and grinding–you try to knead your affection into him with your hands and the way you move your hips on his, feeling him getting hard beneath you, your lips reaching any expanse of skin of his that they can reach. 
You kiss down his frame, paying special attention to the delicate part of his neck where it meets his shoulder and leaving a mark there. It’s easy to elicit noises from him, soft and breathy in nature, and you keep going, leaving a path of claims as you devour his body slowly.
Soon, you wind up between his legs, face beside his stiff length, but before you pay it any mind, you give attention to his thighs, a place you know is particularly sensitive. That’s when the sounds leaving his lips become more pronounced, abdomen rising and falling with each new mark you bite into the flesh there.
By the time you take him into your mouth, his cock is maroon-hard and weeping, the bitterness mixing with the flavor of his musk. The both of you moan at the same time, and his hands thread into your hair, gently holding it back as you suck, rising and sinking down on him over and over in the way you know drives him mad. His noises string together, strained groans and soft whimpers mixing to create a beautiful enough symphony that even that itself is music he creates. His thumbs caress your cheeks and you feel his eyes admiring you as you suck him off, a rosy blush spreading over your face.
When he’s good and soaked, and when he’s near his peak, twitching on your tongue with the threat of release, you pull off, looking up at him.
His eyebrows are drawn up, hair messily splayed across his pillow from his writhing, a crimson over the bridge of his nose. He’s panting, chest rising and falling rigidly, deep exhales painting the air.
“You’re so beautiful,” You tell him breathlessly, climbing back up his now mark-ridden body, straddling his hips with your legs. You take him into your hand and guide him towards your heat, allowing it inside as you seat yourself down.
“Oh, fuck,” He grunts, hands finding your waist instinctively. You can feel him throbbing inside of you, having been edged already, and you know it won’t take him long to reach his peak. 
He knows this, and so when you start rolling your hips, keeping him fully inside, he begins roaming his palms over your skin, doing his best to bring you to the edge as well. The two of you move in a way that can only be disguised as a sensual, intimate dance. His hands find your breasts, teasing your nipples with the pads of his thumbs, then running a palm down your front until he finds your clit. He starts rubbing it to the tempo of your movements, and little gasps leave your mouth, spurring on more impassioned grinds from you.
You look down at him, staring up at you with reverent, lidded eyes, and you know that no matter what you do with Suguru, it can never replace what you have with Choso. 
“I love you,” You murmur, leaning down and initiating a hungry kiss. 
He returns it with fervor, speaking into your wet cavern with a reciprocal, “I love you,” before chasing it down with his tongue. He starts meeting your movements with his own, intensity increasing until soon he’s moaning down your throat and cumming deep inside, your own orgasm rippling through you at the same time.
He holds you close and you don’t stop showering him with your love, intent on making sure he knows how much he means to you.
What comes next can wait until tomorrow.
__
a/n: you get to have your cake and eat it too in this universe, mmm hmm, mm hmm. now...what will happen next?
Please don't copy or repost, but feel free to reblog and share!
Taglist (comment here or my masterlist if you want to be added): @jaegerstan222 , @cosmicstarlatte , @dabisdolly , @moonriseoverkyoto , @propheticfire , @bontensbabygirl , @crlyhairedwxtch , @alittlebirdahgaselx , @okkovtsu , @notbellasstuff , @uchihabbynic , @polaroidnana , @childofilluvatar , @shadowfoxy , @jordan-network , @dreamtravelersade , @unmatchxd , @lucyrocks86 , @spineyy , @k3lbade , @xxbuckpoppi , @naughtygobbo , @slammynics , @roseambers , @luvingyouwasreallyhard , @hinachaaan , @redladyrae-blog , @spiteless-xo , @slutforaz , @bellaabee082 , @thedorklingqueen , @delayedrage , @poopwons , @pandisastergod , @username23345 , @sleazymac-n-cheesy , @forest-haven , @midnaamethyste , @bihanspookies , @mysteriouskiller1 , @liyahthings , @makingtimemine , @tr330 , @captainstarnoir , @nana-lover05 , @vvarkiki , @missmuffinr
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yawneneteyam · 10 months
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ALL THINGS CONNECTED | j. flatters chapter two — i know what i want life to be
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summary: growing up on the set of avatar: the way of water was a dream. your friends had become your family, all except for one. jamie was the one person you always found yourself drawn to, in ways more complex than the title of 'best friends' [3.5k].
pairing: fem!reader x jamie flatters
notes: based on jamie flatters documentary: all things connected. co-stars/friends to lovers. inspired by @cacapeepee. thank you to the wonderful anons and users who sent in names for y/n's character, I ended up going with tey'feyra! hope you guys like it, last chapter of establishing- moving onto their relationship more now. mentions of eating habits.
masterlist ⎸ chapter one | chapter three
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2016.
it wasn't like you were waiting for a call. you had other things that you could do with your time. people are only sixteen once, you had people to see and memories to make. so if you were sat by the phone for a month, waiting for a call, people could call you pathetic.
that’s exactly what you were.. pathetic. because you had been waiting by the phone. wherever you went, your phone was on loud speaker, waiting for a call from your agent or from the casting directors. it seemed like you had finally realised how little your phone goes off when you’re waiting for it to ping you with a notification. 
you were beginning to resent people that were calling you, because they weren’t who you wanted to hear from. the anxiety that would erupt in your chest when your phone rang was piercing, but the let down once you saw the caller id was much worse. disappointed doesn’t even begin to describe how you feel. 
your friends tried to comfort you as best they could, but no amount of effort from them changed the way you saw it. you didn’t get the part. 
it had been three weeks and two days when you decided to face the facts. you hadn’t gotten the part and they casted someone else. she was probably gorgeous and didn’t go off script in her audition. you knew you were stupid to start making up your own lines, they probably thought you were unprofessional and weren’t serious. but you were, and if they gave you another chance you would show them.
but they won’t and that’s the reality you had to face. 
you promised yourself that you would accept it now. no more jumping when your phone rang, or texting your agent to see if they had heard anything. you started working harder, sending out self-tapes as quickly as you could- you were determined to throw yourself into other projects to distract yourself. you began to film again, making short projects on your own to remind yourself of the things you enjoy about film- not the heartbreak actors often face. 
you called your agent to see if she had anymore roles you could apply for. the desperation to work again was hitting you harder than it should’ve. sometimes your parents wished they never let you act, that you could just be a regular teenager with no pressures. you wouldn’t need to feel an overwhelming urge to impress everyone. but that was the life you chose for yourself.
“i need another gig,” you sat at the kitchen table, head in your hands with your phone on speaker in front of you. you knew that you couldn't just expect your agent to find you more calls that you fit the criteria for, but you could hope.
“i told you, i’m looking” she laughed, it was the third time in the last five days you had called her about getting more work. she had never met a teenager who wanted to drown in work as much as you did, you were dedicated, she could give you that much. “i cant just pull a role out of my ass for you, you know that” she sighed with a smile.
“well it would be nice if you could every once in a while” you tilted your head, a small disappointed smile made itself present on your face.
“shh, i’m reading”
“reading what?” you asked.
she sighed again, “a casting call i’ve been sent, so shh”.
you rolled your eyes and sat quietly, leaving her to read. you heard your mum pull up in the driveway, meaning you had spent another day not doing much and that she would be reminding you of that as soon as she got inside. she would rather have you working than sitting around moping.
“did i end up telling you that the crew from avatar got back to me?”
“no," you sighed, "but that doesn’t sound good”. you didn't get the part. you rested your chin in both of your hands with your elbows on the table. you had already accepted it anyway, but knowing now that it was real, felt all the more disappointing, “who’d they end up casting?”
"y/n?" you thought she didn't hear you.
"yeah?"
"you got the part"
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2017.
that phone call changed lots of things for you. 
you were now a major character in one of the world's biggest films. with a new role, you had moved your entire life to los angelas for the next two years. your parents were with you, but often had to travel back home for work- leaving you in the hands of your agent, natalie, james cameron, and the other cast members, or their parents. you had been introduced to a whole new type of filming, motion capture. now, you could properly say you will never be able to take yourself seriously again after wearing your suit every day. 
los angelas was different to where you were from, it was much busier, but you had shot other projects here- just none like this. almost everyday you were training your lungs to hold your breath underwater. you worked one-on-one with professional free divers to increase your time period underwater, and sometimes in groups with the other cast members. 
character names had changed, un'su was now lo'ak, sai'ak now te'feyra. character designs changed, sigourney asked to alter the way that kiri looked. character's plots changed entirely, but.. you couldn't disclose that information. 
you and the other cast members were quite young, the next generation of na'vi. zoe and sam adored working with you all, but your favourite scenes to film were with your friends. you all grew quite close, just in your first month on set.
"y/n stop moving," jose, moved your skin back to face the mirror in front of you. he was one of the hair and makeup artists on set, he usually painted the dots on your face for motion capture. he also classified himself as a part-time babysitter.
"filip, stop it" you smacked his foot away from you.
"y/n!" jose yelled.. and this is why.
"he's kicking me!" you argued back, a smile on your face.
"i am not" he did it again, sending his foot over your way. filip chuckled softly, tapping your leg with his foot over and over.. and over.
"i'm literally going to separate you two," jose stood up straight and sighed deeply.
"good! get me away from him," you laughed.
filip leant back in his chair, the one up net to yours. "you're so mean to me and all i do is give you love" he held out his hand, "why do you do this to me?" he asked, a smile on his face.
in the main trailer, there were eight chairs in a row for each younger cast member with a small vanity space for each person. filip and you were often booked in for the same time in makeup everyday. you were just lucky enough to also have the seat next to him, which allowed him to annoy you on the daily. you had never been grateful to be an only child until you met filip, because if this is what having a brother is like- you didn't want it.
"you're still kicking me!" you sat up and yelled. he laughed in your face.
"you're so easy to annoy," filip chuckled.
"okay, that's enough" jose held up his hands, and moved to stand in between you and filip. "i need to put these stupid dots on your face, can you both stop it" jose smiled. you both knew that no matter how frustrating it was to deal with you both, that jose did enjoy you both.
"don't anger the man of the dots" you said, giving filip a pointed look before leaning back in your chair and closing your eyes. jose started painting the last few on your face, before he could let you go to set.
"i don't know why i decided to work with children," he whispered.
"do you get paid enough to deal with us?" trinity asked from next to you, where she was sat in jamie's seat.
you were lucky you got to sit with the boys in the trailer, all of them took good care of you on set. duane, filip, yourself and jamie were a little group who were always around each other. trinity often found her way to you, following you around. she was like your little sister, her sweet smile was welcome to hang out with you.
"trinity, there is not enough money in the world, sweetheart" jose shook his head with a smile. trinity giggled, spinning around in jamie's chair.
"y/n?" a voice spoke up, "is y/n in here?" rita popped her head through the trailer's entrance. rita was the head of hair in performance capture, an older woman who you loved working with. 
"rita!" trinity cheered.
"hi rita!" filip called out.
"i'm here!" you called out, keeping still for jose.
"we need you in around 5, okay lovely? jim wants to go through the leaving scene with you and jamie" she explained, coming up behind you- lightly grabbing your head and beginning to braid your hair so you could leave the trailer quicker.
"well if she sits still, maybe she can go run her scene" jose looked up at rita with a smirk.
"y/n" rita said in a warning tone, pausing her actions.
"it's not even me! it's him!" you tried as best you could to point to filip with your eyes closed.
rita chuckled, continuing braiding. "mhmm" she mumbled.
you giggled as rita laughed at you. you tried to run through the lines for the scene that you would run with jamie as best you could. thinking of the ways jamie might deliver his line, and the ways that you could carry on from that. but jamie was a dedicated actor, he always had more than one way to deliver a line- he liked to keep you on your toes.
"okay, get out of here," jose stood up straight and threw the cotton tip in the trashcan. "filip, you're next" he said.
"thank you," you said, letting rita tie off your braids with an elastic band.
"you're welcome," jose gave you a pointed look, "now, get out of my trailer," 
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you found zoe and sam on a buggie together and quickly climbed on, knowing that they were going to main set. you sat in between them both on the back. 
"what are you shooting today?" zoe asked, fixing one of your braids that had fallen from it's spot pinned in your hair.
"i'm going to run through a scene with jamie and jim, and then we're shooting it at three" you said, holding your head still, making faces at sam as he looked over at you. "i have stunts later too,"
"yeah?" she asked, "one sec, i've almost got it," zoe tried to pin the braid back in securely so it would fit inside your motion-capture suit nicely. "what scene are you doing with jamie?"
"the one where i find out he's leaving" you pushed sam's hand away with a smile as he tried to poke you.
"ya, gonna kiss him?" sam teased, poking you anyway.
"ew, no!" 
"sam!" zoe exclaimed, "they're kids"
"i was kissing girls at your age," he said.
"oh my god," zoe pulled you into her embrace, "don't listen to him, he'll corrupt you". you laughed, as you leant into her hold.
once arriving on main set, you said goodbye to zoe and sam when you saw james with jamie and richard, a producer.
"i have to be honest with you," you said looking up at jim, "i forgot my script," you admitted, smiling.
"good thing too, because you should know your lines," james chuckled, sitting down in his seat.
"pfft, do you have no faith?" you held your hands on your hips, "i know my lines".
"you don't have the greatest track record, do you?" jamie leant his elbow on your shoulder, leaning his weight onto you.
"don't even talk to me," you shoved him off playfully.
"nice dots" he held up his thumbs with a over-dramatised smile.
"alright, can we run through the scene?" james chuckled, interrupting you both.
"yes, i'm ready" you nodded. you and jamie stood next to each other, knowing james was going to want to explain the scene to you both first.
"okay, so when we do it on the day, we're gonna have te'feyra coming down off of a tree branch and onto the ground with neteyam chasing after her," he explained, "so we'll get some levels out so you can actually walk down at the same angles okay?".
"yep" you nodded.
"sounds good" jamie said.
"you want us to just do lines? or mark it too?" you asked, taking a step away from jamie, getting ready to run the scene.
"we'll do lines for now, come back in around.." james looked at his watch for the time, "thirty minutes, then mark it" 
"kay'" 
richard takes a breath and pulls out his copy of the script, "te'feyra is walking away from neteyam and he says.."
"te'feyra wait," jamie's accent had changed entirely since you both met initially for your chemistry read. you and the rest of the kids had been working closely with a dialect coach to really nail the na'vi accent. jamie, sigourney, britain, yourself and trinity had worked closely with zoe too, the omatikaya having a different dialect to the metkayina.
jamie had grown a little since you first met, his voice was deeper. he had started to become more of a man. he shaved his head since you first met, it was only starting to grow back recently.
"you didn't think to mention that your family is leaving?" you asked, panting slightly to give the illusion of you walking away from him.
"it was not finalised until this morning," he argued.
"i find that difficult to believe, neteyam"
"te'feyra, please. te'feyra slow down!" jamie raised his voice, grabbing your hand, "i am sorry, but it is what is best for the clan".
"for once can you stop thinking about everyone else?" you pulled your hand away from his. jamie was a very physical actor, even if you were just running lines, he would find anyway to hold your hand or lightly pull you closer to him. he calls it acting, but james and richard could see right through it. "what about.. what about us?" you asked.
"what do you mean?"
"you are not a moron, neteyam" you whispered.
"no," he sighed, looking at the ground, "i'm not sure. my father wants us to leave as soon as possible, he has already chosen who will take over as olo'eyktan"
you scoffed, "great".
"you will continue tsahik training, you will lead this clan" jamie continued to speak.
"i was supposed to lead it with you," you raised your voice at him. "i don't want to lead, if it isn't with you. that's what our parents agreed on, yes? that we would lead together. i will not lead this clan without you here, netayam" 
te'feyra and neteyam were betrothed to each other from a young age. it was set in stone that they would grow up to be oloekytan and tsahik together. not that their parents agreement mattered, they were destined to be together by eywa's will. neteyam was all te'feyra had ever known, and now he was being taken away from her.
"you have to" jamie told you.
"no, i do not! i refuse." 
"te' please, i need you to do this for me" you heard jamie becoming more emotional in his voice, you only fed off of that. he had a way of getting through to you like that.
"and i need you to stay here," your voice broke. jamie looked up at you, he saw the tears glazing over your eyes. 
"we cannot," he shook his head, "it is dangerous if we do, the sky-people.. they- they are coming for my father, they will not stop"
"we can fight them," you nodded, grasping onto te'feyra's last piece of hope. "we are family here. we are strong" you grabbed onto his arms. see, where james and richard could see jamie's real reason for wanting to be close to you, they found that you had the exact same one.
"we cannot lose anymore people here. we are leaving, te'"
you paused, looking up at him.
"then i will come with you,"
"what?" he exclaimed, "no, you have to stay here"
"i am not staying here without you, neteyam. our parents chose us for each other, we stick together" you squeezed jamie's arms lightly.
"things are different now, it will not be safe if you come with us" jamie shook his head. 
"neteyam," you whispered, "i do not want to be here without you,"
jamie hesitated before whispering back, "i do not want to leave you".
"then don't"
"good," james nodded, standing back up, "good, that was good"
"notes?" you asked. jamie nodded in agreement. james admired the way the two of you always seeked more feedback from him. the two of you were becoming great actors.
"pretty happy, but i have a few things i want to write down and i'll get them to you before we mark the scene, yeah? he explained.
"thanks jim," jamie nodded.
"thank you"
james and richard walked away from you and jamie, leaving you both alone. jamie used one arm to bring you in for a hug, the other fixing the hood of his jumper. "how are you?" he asked. you squeezed him lightly as he held you.
"good. tired, but i'm good" you stayed in his embrace for a second longer, before letting go and looking up at him. "you seem grumpy today," you noted.
a smile appeared on his face, "oh wow, thanks so much" he nodded.
"oh, you're so welcome" you smiled back, he nudged you slightly as you both began to walk out back onto the tarmac outside into the sun.
"i'm so hungry" you said involuntarily, as you felt your stomach constrict.
"did you eat breakfast?" he looked at you whilst walking. you noticed the way his mouth always sat open slightly after speaking, his two front teeth peeking through the gap between his lips. 
"no," you admitted hesitantly.
"and why not?" he stopped walking.
you rolled your eyes with a grumble, "i had to go get my dots done" you whined, arguing with him.
jamie sighed, heading towards where the buggies were parked. "let's go get you breakfast" he said, "we've got half an hour anyway".
you and jamie hopped in the back of one of the buggies, a production assistant already waiting to take people from main set back to the tents and trailers. 
"when are you shooting?" you asked, fiddling with the pin in your braids.
"i don't start till eleven, i'm with britain" jamie grabbed the pin that you were playing with, noticing that you were struggling to get it back into its spot. you mumble a quick 'thanks' before he puts it back in.
"i haven't seen him yet" you tell jamie, as he checks if your hair is secure.
"he's probably in his trailer," jamie said before clearing his throat, pulling his hood off of his head.
"did you eat breakfast?" you asked, raising your eyebrows at him.
"yes, before i came to set," he smiled, "because normal people eat three meals a day-" he gave you a pointed look- "you know, to nourish their bodies?"
you rolled your eyes at him. jamie was always on everyone about taking care of themselves, but in the month you had been on set, you seemed to notice that he tended to look after everyone else, rather than himself sometimes.
"what scene are you filming?" you changed the subject.
jamie coughed into his hand before answering, "uh, we're doing the fight scene, when he goes to see payakan"
"mhm, fun. i might come watch"
"oh, im honoured" he held his hand to his heart.
"i need to find my script though," you noted.
he scrunched his eyebrows together, his teeth peeking through again in his fit of confusion, "i thought you said it was in your trailer?".
"i lied," you sighed, "i've lost it".
"jesus christ" he let a breath out, "you amaze me,".
"if the toast at craft is burnt, i don't want it" you jamie laughed as you changed the subject again.
"oh my god. yes princess, we'll get you some toast that isn't burnt" he nodded, hopping off the buggie now that we were back at the tents, "miss first world problems".
"i just want nice toast," you defended yourself.
"we're going to play basketball tonight at the park across from duane's parent's hotel if you wanna come?" jamie asked, holding open the curtain of the craft tent.
"yeah," you smile, "i'd love to come"
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taglist. @littlexscarletxwitch, @thexplosivegirl, @lagoonabluebabe, @rexorangecouny, @ilovejakesullysdick @rhiannonhippiegirl @leelumenaura @playboykenz @couragemydearheart @whos6claire @m-1234 @coconut-dreamz @graysonshaven @stvpidscvpid @ok-boke @cvsmic-love @sully-stick-together @caniuseurname @fandom-geek17
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greenthena · 5 months
Text
Buck up, Hamlet!
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***Trigger warning: Death and taking your own life in the context of Shakespeare***
Aziraphale likes Hamlet. Likes the play so much, that he bats his eyelashes at Crowley until the demon performs a miracle to make the mopey Prince of Denmark more popular. Well, good job, the both of you, because four hundred and some odd years later, you still can't get through repertory auditions without some bugger hoisting a skull and starting that monologue. Not that I don't appreciate Hamlet from a structural and analytical perspective. And the Prince of Denmark is a character most actors would sacrifice several toes to play. But it's dark. It's not a fun one.
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So why does Aziraphale like it so much? Why's this fluffy little angel so Hell-bent on one of Shakespeare's tragedies? Join me, friendly Good Omens scholars, and let's suss some shit out.
Crowley adamantly dislikes Shakespeare's tragedies. "This isn't one of Shakespeare's gloomy ones, is it? Arghhhh. No wonder no one is here," he complains, wilting like a floppy noodle. Of course, it doesn't take much for Aziraphale to weasel the demon into miracling more people into the audience. But Crowley makes a point to say that he "still prefer(s) the funny ones" as he's leaving The Globe.
Crowley, I would argue, goes to the theatre to escape his real-life situation. He's a bloody demon who, when he's not stationed on Earth, literally goes to Hell. And it's not a nice place. Crowley's everyday life (particularly when he's not around Aziraphale) revolves around pain and suffering--whether its his or someone else's is insignificant. What matters is that regularly sees and experiences tangible, visceral representations of tragedy in his actual existence. Of course he prefers Shakespeare's funny ones! They're a reminder that the world and the human race that he's accidentally become so attached to is full of more than torment and affliction. Crowley doesn't appreciate Shakespeare's tragedies because they're an extension of his own suffering, with which he's already intimately familiar. For Crowley, attending a Shakespearean tragedy is like picking a scab. You already know you've been injured and fussing with the damned thing only makes it worse.
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This is not the case for Azirapahle. As an angel, he's not allowed to have any scabs, much less pick at them. Like Crowley, he sees suffering in the world. He knows that humanity is constantly facing difficult odds, and even the most wonderful of human lives eventually ends in death. But unlike Crowley, Aziraphale works within a system in which there is no gray space--and therefore, no room for an angel, an agent of the side of righteousness, to experience doubt in the Ineffable Plan. The Heavenly model is to deal with problems by pretending they don't exist. Heaven has an image to maintain, after all. Like, the sheer amount of repression we see amongst the Heavenly Host is honestly terrifying. I'm thinking about the way in which The Metatron frames the Fall and damnation of a third of the angels. "For one Prince of Heaven to be cast into the outer darkness makes a good story. For it to happen twice, makes it look like there is some kind of institutional problem." It's so cold and removed because to process something so traumatic would not fit the image of Heaven. So it's neatly boxed up and packed away into a soundbite that better fits Heaven's corporate brand.
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Aziraphale's suffering is certainly no less than Crowley's. The angel's trauma is repressed. It's cloaked in shining bright hallways of pure angelic light. It's hidden behind false words and tight smiles. It's communicated passive-aggressively by abusers who still have the angel caught in their web of control and manipulation. At least Crowley's trauma is visible. When he fell, the demon took on a new appearance that physically demonstrates his suffering. He has access to feelings of anger and frustration and he's allowed to express these things because he's a demon. He doesn't have to be good.
Since Aziraphale is not permitted to own his emotions and his trauma, he outsources them. He enjoys Shakespeare's tragedies because they give him the opportunity to achieve second-hand catharsis. He may not be able to admit that he's suffering, but he can experience Hamlet's pain vicariously.
***Reminding you of that trigger warning, folks!***
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And this is where we get to the question, "To be, or not to be?" This is the moment in S1 E3 when Aziraphale interacts with Richard Burbage, and shouts out, "To be! Not to be! Come on, Hamlet, buck up!" He says this with this coy little smile, obviously trying to get a laugh out of Crowley. But it's indicative of a more serious dilemma that the angel, himself, must parse out. In Shakespeare's play, Hamlet's query is expressed as he wrestles with the choice between life and death. Essentially, it's a contemplation of suicide--a dark part of humanity that Heaven manages by eternally condemning those who would risk it. However there's another way to read this question, not as life and death, but as agency and the lack thereof. We think of "to be" as the choice for life and "not to be" as the option for suicide. But the only way in which Hamlet can express his agency is by taking control of the one thing that truly belongs to him: his own life. So when asking this question of an eternal being, what exactly does it mean, "To be?" What does it mean for Aziraphale to express agency in his immortal existence?
In Western thought, we tend to divide things into binaries: right and wrong, black and white, good and evil...to be or not to be. Back in the Garden if Eden, Crowley first introduced Adam and Eve to the idea that they had a choice. The serpent presented two options, obey or disobey God's authority. Though I think a better way of looking at it would be to say, passively accept your role or have agency in your fate. This is Crowley's method. He never pushes temptations upon you. He just wants to make sure you know all your options.
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Like Hamlet, Aziraphale is presented with the choice of, "To be or not to be?" He can sign on the dotted line and follow Heaven's authority or he can be an angel with agency, an angel that goes along with Heaven as far as he can. And though Aziraphale still struggles with how exactly free will pertains to angels, Crowley shows him time and time again that he has options--he can make his own choices. From the very first interaction between the angel and the demon on the wall of Eden, Crowley (ever the optimist) knows there is hope for some meaningful connection with Aziraphale, because the angel makes a choice for himself: he gives away his sword. And from that moment, Crowley realizes that this angel might be just enough of a bastard to be worth knowing.
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It's no wonder Aziraphale gets attached to the tragedy of Hamlet. It allows him to observe and process the darker and more difficult emotions that he, as an angel, struggles to manage. And perhaps more importantly, the Prince of Denmark's famous soliloquy mirrors of Crowley's method of temptation, wherein the demon simply reminds him that he has a choice and that, even as an angel, he can find ways to express his agency.
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iateyourparents · 24 days
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Not sure if you write for Harry Styles but what if r met h in high school and they were dating but after graduation they parted they ways and yhen few years later she meets him and they start again and she gets to know that some of his songs are abt her?
I love your writing for S&C!!!
Adore you | h.s.
pairing: harry styles x fem!reader
summary: you run into harry after years of not seeing him.
warnings: use of y/n, bad writing and grammar(i’m sorry but english isn’t my first language)
an: so it’s my first time writing for harry but i absolutely adore this man with my whole heart so i gladly wrote this! thank you sm, hope you like it <33
pictures are from pinterest :)
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If someone told you that your ex would end up as a worldwide famous singer, you would believe them in a second.
Harry always had a thing for singing and he was really good at it so when he told you he wanted to audition for xfactor you were all in to support him.
He succeeded, like you knew he would, and was put in a band with four other boys. That was when your ways parted. He started writing songs, making album and had few little gigs to make their band known. And you wanted to focus on school, on your future.
As much as you both wanted to make it and keep your relationship alive, you knew it would be naive to hope for it. He was about to be famous and travel the world and you wanted to study and make a mark with your name in the world of medicine.
So you parted your ways and you haven’t heard of Harry or One Direction for some time, until two years later when they started becoming one of the bigger bands in the music industry.
He achieved it. You always knew he was made to be someone. He deserved to be someone.
He was kind, selfless and practically wore his heart on his sleeve. If someone was a good celebrity material, it was him.
Sometimes, you found yourself following his career, cheering on him and wishing him all the best.
Years were passing, One Direction went on a break that was lasting longer than they promised and all of the boys started to make their own history.
Harry just released his third own album and you couldn’t be happier for him, although you didn’t follow him as much as you used to.
Actually, you practically didn’t follow him at all. All you knew was what you heard on radio on your way from work to home.
You were achieving your goals too. You became a doctor, a good one, known in whole UK. You were young but you already did more than some older doctors.
Your name was well known in medical world and you couldn’t be happier with how your career worked out.
Although, sometimes you wished you chose some other life path.
For example, you wished it right now while looking at two teenagers sitting on a hospital bed. They were glued to themselves and it wouldn’t be a problem if they weren’t glued with an actual glue. To make it worse, it was really old glue and it was causing health problems for both of the teenagers and one was about to pass out from all the coughing.
“Alright, we need to make sure that all their organs are okay, Marcus’ father said he saw them eating that glue.” you grimaced “Run all the tests and draw blood from both of them.” you ordered your interns who quickly went to patients.
Few hours later you were finally able to go home and you couldn’t wait to finally take a warm shower and change scrubs to comfortable pajama.
But first, you had to go grocery shopping. You were thinking about going home first to change but you knew if you get to home you wouldn’t be able to get out of bed again.
So now you were in the grocery store looking at all the cereal searching for your favorite ones. You finally noticed them but they were in completely other place. Usually, they were on a second shelf and now they were all the way up on the highest one. One that was too high for you to reach.
But you tried anyway. And you failed.
You heard a deep chuckle behind you and then a male voice “Need any help?”
You turned around with bright smile “Yes, please.”
Man, who looked weirdly familiar to you, reached a cereal cartoon without any struggle and handed it to you with a smile.
“Here.” you took the cartoon while he was looking at your face “Do I know you? You look familiar.” he stated and you searched his face to see something that would give you a clue who he was.
Then it hit you.
“Harry?” the man nodded “Oh my god, you changed so much.”
Man furrowed his brows and suddenly his eyes widened “Y/n?” you nodded with small smile “Oh god, it’s good to see you.” he hugged you.
“Visiting family?” you asked and he nodded “How’s famous life treating you?”
“Good, I just published my newest album.” he looked proud of himself and it was really adorable.
“I heard.” you nodded with a smile “Congratulations.”
“Thank you. Did you hear any songs?” he asked unsure.
“No, sorry. I don’t really have time for music. My life last few days looked like sleep, work, sleep, work, shopping, sleep and work.” you laughed and he smiled with amusement.
“Sounds like you, always so ambitious.” he looked over you “So how’s being a well known surgeon? I heard amazing things about you.”
“It’s… certainly something.” you nodded slowly “I love my work but some things I see… Damn.” you shrugged and he laughed.
“I’m happy you’re good, I thought of you few days ago.” Harry stated and you raised your brow.
“Mr. Famous thought about me? How flattering.” you teased and he chuckled “I have to go home, my bed is calling but we should meet someday when you will be in town.” you offered and he nodded vigorously with a grin.
“I’m staying for a few weeks at my mum’s, we can arrange something. We definitely should catch up. Here, give me your number.” he handed you his phone and you added your contact.
“Well then, see you around Harry. And thanks for your help.” you flashed him with a smile which he returned and you went to a cash station.
Next day you got a text from an unknown number which turned out to be Harry’s number. He asked when you had time to meet.
Finally, you both decided to meet on a Saturday. To make it funnier, Harry offered to meet at the coffee shop that you often visited while being together.
On a Saturday you felt nervous. You didn’t see him for a long time and you weren’t sure how it would turn out, if you even will be able to maintain an interesing conversation without it being awkward.
But here you were, sitting in front of Harry, drinking tea and eating delicious muffins while talking and laughing about old times.
“I never thought that the audition would turn out this well.” he admitted with small smile.
“I knew it would.” you stated “You’re too good to not be noticed, although your hey sister was terrible.” you snickered and he smiled amused.
“I was nervous!” he huffed “If it wasn’t for you I’m not sure if I would actually get on that stage, you were my lucky charm.”
You looked at him with a touched smile “I was cheering for you even when we weren’t talking anymore.” you admitted “I always knew you would be someone important and look at you, you’re saving teenagers’ lives and make great music.”
You could see faint blush on his cheeks and the bashful smile was just cute.
“Well, I guess I wouldn’t be where I’m if not your cheering.” he chuckled “I only regret that our ways parted. I wish we maintained contact. I missed you.”
“I missed you too Harry.” you said hoping you didn’t blush “But at least we’re here now and it feels good.”
“Yeah it does.” he agreed with a smile that made your heart race. You knew that smile, he was sending it your ways on daily basis when you were together. It was this cute smirk with dreamy eyes and it just made you feel weak in knees.
Apparently some things never change, because it made you feel just the same as years ago.
And you’re not sure how it happened but next morning you woke up with Harry’s bare chest as your pillow.
But you weren’t complaining.
“Seriously?” you laughed while making breakfast with Harry. He was talking about the time when he was in One Direction “I always thought that it was just a song about good song.”
“Well, most of ours song had hidden dirty meaning.” he laughed too.
“What about your songs? Any dirty meanings?” you teased and he blushed.
Your morning together turned to spending whole day together.
“You can stay for the night.” you offered when he said he should get going.
“I don’t want to bother you.” he giggled.
“You’re not bothering, I like having you here.” you admitted and you were praying to not blush when he smirked at you.
“Good to know. I will gladly stay if you’re sure.” he said “But let me know if you will be sick of me.”
“That wouldn’t be possible.” you rolled your eyes hitting his chest with your hand which he catched and squeezed in his bigger one “You’re the sweetest person alive, you would have to kill my dog to make me hate you.”
“Sure.” now he rolled his eyes “You have a dog?”
“No.” you pouted “I wish but I’m rarely home and I wouldn’t want to leave a dog alone.” you explained and he nodded in understanding “What about you? Any pets?”
“Not really, I’m also rarely home when touring.” he shrugged.
And somehow this conversation turned into talking about his songs.
“And which ones do you like?” he looked at you with a small smile. You wouldn’t admit it out loud but in last few days his songs were on repeat so you wouldn’t be in dark when he would be talking about his career.
“Hm, I really like Carolina and little freak.” you stated after a moment of thinking. You noticed how Harry moved weirdly after your words “Is there something wrong?” you asked worriedly.
“No no.” he assured you “What do you like about Carolina?” he tilted his head looking curiously at you while still holding your hand.
“I don’t know, I just like it.” you shrugged “Why are you asking?”
“You didn’t notice, did you?” he laughed.
“Notice what?” you smiled with small confusion.
“Carolina, Adore you, Only Angel, Woman?” he furrowed his eyes.
“What about them?”
“God, woman. They are about you.” he huffed with amusement and your eyes widened.
“What?” you were sure you were a blushing mess at the moment.
“Carolina? It’s literally your description, you moved because your grandmother offered you and your parents to, you always had books with you and liked to compare life to books.” he explained “Oh, and you have cousins in Carolina!”
All he said was true and you actually realized it in fact was actually a song about you.
“Why would you wrote about me?” you asked quietly playing with his fingers.
“I was so in love with you. My first ever song that I writed was about you.” he admitted “Only angel. I changed it a bit before releasing it because I was teenager while I wrote and it was a slight disaster but it turned out great.”
“I’m not sure what to say.” you chuckled “Adore you is about me?”
“Yeah, I would go through hell for you.” he stated and you noticed that he didn’t use past tense.
“So am I so kind of inspiration for you?” you teased but he answered completely seriously.
“Yeah, you are big inspiration. Most of my songs have something about you in them even if they aren’t exactly about you.” he admitted bashfully “I was completely head over heels for you. And I think I still adore you.”
And if you were his inspiration for next lovely album that he made as a gift for you for your first anniversary, that’s just a bonus.
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