I fully support both the strikes and the unions, but there's one thing about them that irks me, it's just that I'm going to have to put up with seeing everyone else's crackpot theories and wild misreadings of the characters for even longer than normal.
As opposed to my theories and readings of the characters, which are objectively correct always.
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No, I can't fix them.
But I can tragically die after being betrayed by them,
Killed by their own hand,
Leaving a wound in their heart that torments them for the rest of eternity and has them scrambling,
Sleepless,
Driven mad,
Rushing to get rid of the pain,
To revive me by any means possible,
To hold me again and win back some form of forgiveness in my arms because they still loved me when they did it,
They STILL LOVE ME AS I HAUNT THEM,
A journey that only compromises more of their rusting, ironclad morals
And ultimately causes them to destroy everything they thought they'd protect,
Becoming a villain that is worse than what they started as.
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Pain is imagining how Atsushi might react when Kunikida gets a little too loud when yelling at Dazai and his words feel a little sharper, even if they're not directed at him, and his chest feels so tight all of a sudden and when he looks up again he's back in that place and it's so dark and the pain comes back and the silhouette he sees of the man yelling at him switches between that man and Kunikida and he can't escape and it's all too much and, and, and....
Darkness and the faint voice of his concerned coworkers lull him to sleep
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an unstoppable force (my moral objection to working in a psychiatric setting because i know the abuse that so often takes place there and i can’t stand the idea of ever participating in or benefiting from something that treats people that way) meets an immovable object (i made the mistake of being a psych major years ago so now those are the most common jobs in my area that i’m actually qualified for and i need money so bad if i want to get out of the hell house i live in anytime soon)
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I tried so hard to fit in as a child, as a teen, as a girl. None of it was ever enough I was bullied, ostracized, hated. I have never fit in anywhere but being queer, being a trans man, has helped me to embrace my otherness.
As a trans man, especially a queer one, I do not fit in with cis men. I do not get access to any privileges because, even if I am not explicitly clocked as trans I am still clocked as "other", as queer as neurodivergent, and if I am open about being trans? You should see the expressions twist, the discomfort in the locker room. I wonder if I was laid off my last job (a temp position) because they simply did not want to deal with my transness, I was made to sign things with my deadname and use the women's restroom despite my appearance. There's no point in pursuing it, I live in a non-trans friendly state.
Why not go stealth, you ask, why not pursue that dream, if you could call it, of attaining cis male privilege. And I ask, why should I be forced to deny something that I love, that is inherent to who I am as a person, for privilege I do not want, for what could it afford me? Why should I be made to deny all that I am, to lock it away before the gates so to speak, and pretend I fit in when I never will?
Why can I not be myself, in the wake of a world that wants me dead, is it because you believe being a man could not possibly be revolutionary? Is it because you believe men are the "other" in the queer community, ousting the people who helped build it in your crusade for moral purity? Are men simply degenerates who can not love in your eyes as you force women into a gilded box of wires and purity. Is this not the community of freaks and others? Where is our freedom from expectations, the ability to love and live and be noone other than ourselves, in all its queer glory?
I do not fit into your boxes, like a weed, a dandelion, I will grow out of the cracks and edges where I don't belong, to find a place I do.
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was talking to my partner earlier about this but i made a good point (not to brag) so im putting it here . anyways :
the whole idea that someone is selfish if they expect their art to get attention is fucking baffling. how did we go from "reblog other people's art, it gives them motivation to keep drawing and make more art for people to enjoy!" to "if you ask for people to reblog your art, it's guilt tripping and emotional manipulation." how did we go from regularly interacting with every artist in a community, in a fandom, to the big artists reblogging posts from smaller artists and encouraging their followers to follow them, to... no one doing that anymore. to people saying it's selfish to want attention and reblogs on art that you hand crafted and spend hours to days to weeks to even months making. to saying that people who want their creations to be seen by people are "attention seeking", and shouldn't "expect anything from anyone".
and then when those artists stop creating due to a lack of motivation to continue, only then do people come out and say "oh i love your art!!!!!! dont leave!!!!!! i love seeing your art!!!!!!!". that is truly baffling to me
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i freaking love riffs on and inversions of well known/loved stories. especially when the writers make them queer. and add so much more dimension and angst to the plot. and sprinkle in found family tropes. one of the best media types for sure
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man i've really gotten to this point of unemployment where i don't want to do what i've been doing for years because i never wanted to do what i was doing. but now i have absolutely no idea what i want to do. at all. and honestly zero motivation to figure it out. which is scary but also i think my depression has just really settled in at this point. yay. i don't know it just really fucking sucks. and i want to use this as an opportunity to move in a completely different direction but like ... how. and with what resources because i'm totally broke.
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I will not quit this stupid ass job no matter how bad it gets before I find something else, I will not quit this stupid ass job no matter how bad it gets before I find something else, I will not quit this stupid ass job no matter how bad it gets before I find something else, I will not quit this stupid ass job no matter how bad it gets before I find something else........
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