#im going to keep applying and looking for better shit but i hate that i might have to do that for any amount of time

[avpdpossum]

an unstoppable force (my moral objection to working in a psychiatric setting because i know the abuse that so often takes place there and i can’t stand the idea of ever participating in or benefiting from something that treats people that way) meets an immovable object (i made the mistake of being a psych major years ago so now those are the most common jobs in my area that i’m actually qualified for and i need money so bad if i want to get out of the hell house i live in anytime soon)

[cairoswrld]

everyone keeps saying "just know it is yours" how do you just KNOW, like you know its not there sooo isnt that just being delusional?

"Faith is self-confidence. Faith is not optimism. Faith is not wishing. Faith is knowing the unspoken secret of the universe. Faith is that assured awareness and knowledge that whatever your fulfilled desires are here, existing within the unseen domain, now you must live as though you are already possessed of them." — Neville Goddard.

one thing about the law of assumption, manifesting all of that, is that you’re always doing it. - you’re always persisting in some sort of belief, you’re always assuming things before they even happen. it’s never delusional when you sit there and think "oh no what if he doesn’t like me" "oh no what if it doesn’t work out" "ugh he hates me" "oh he’s probably going to find someone else" and then two weeks later, he cheats and leaves. but when someone wants to now sit there and think "ykw im going to be a billionaire one day" and everyone around them is like "oh you’re crazy"

you’re right anon, it can feel a little delusional just telling yourself that "for certain this thing will happen, big or small" but a lot of people were delusional and crazy until shit manifested and everyone goes "omg how do they do that ??"

i used to watch a lot of celebrity interviews, and so many of them swear by manifestation, by believing that you can do something, by scripting, by affirming etc etc. - a good example is Marilyn Monroe. - she was overlooked so she manifested beauty, and now to this day we still speak of her as a symbol of beauty.

people have so much faith in it not working in their favour but can’t turn that faith into it working for them. - read success stories. and you’ll notice how beautiful the law is and how simple it really is.

honestly when you start applying the law, it starts to make so much more sense than when you’re reading it. like even for me, when i approached it i was like "ykw imma just try what these people say and see what happens" and it works. there’s so much content for you to learn from, i made a post literally yesterday to navigate the process of trusting your imagination over your physical circumstances, you don’t have to walk far to find an answer to a question if my response isn’t adequate yk? and then just apply and watch what happens in your life.

law of assumption has a lot to do with faith. in yourself, in the universe whatever it is. and the way you build faith is by applying it practices.

if not faith, definitely hope. i don’t think there’s anything wrong with fully hoping for better, for the best case scenario yk?

resources:

hopefully these answer your question neh:

imagination. - i made this yesterday, it basically speaks on how to trust your imagination over your physical world to help with that knowing

3D validation. - short post about using self concept to build up faith within, seek validation that you have it within; so that you can achieve that knowing feeling

negativity. - how to deal with thoughts and beliefs that don’t support your manifestations, talks about dealing with things that "block" you from that knowing feeling

delusion. - how the law will always work, regardless of whether you believe in it or not. the law will always support what you assume and believe.

persisting. - you’re always in a knowing state of something, whether you know it’s not working so it appears that way or that you know it is and it appears that way 🤷‍♀️

wish fulfilled. - how to achieve that knowing feeling.

i hope this answers your question anon, if in doubt after all of this. go search up "how to persist", and whatever they say whether you believe it yet or not, APPLY. just apply it and see what happens.

(persisting is continuing that knowing feeling despite 3D circumstances that’s why i say look that up specifically)

[zeltqz]

niyaaaa do u have any tips for people who wanna get into fic writing? 👀

i don’t really get how the whole posting format for fics works on here tbh 😭 and like your info area it’s so cool

YEAH OFC!! btw dm me your username so i can follow and support you <3

tip 1- the posting format isnt that hard to get used to actually its just you create a tumblr text post and then copy and paste your fic onto it, add the tags and stuff then post it. if you want to add banners, headers and stuff to make it look better then go ahead, just add images to the text post

tip 2- the info area is the same as above, just add pictures of your choice etc to the text post, add your information, name, age, fav things etc and then to link posts to your post, highlight where u want the link to go, then copy the link of the post u want linked then press the hyperlink that looks like two chains linked together when you highlight the text if that makes sense? sounds like a lot but its rlly not i promise haha

tip 3- always type your fics on other apps like word or google docs since they have an auto save feature!! i dont reccomend typing your fics on tumblr since one if the app crashes, it doesn't automatically save your work so everything you wrote will get deleted (some versions of tumblr do have autosave, my laptop has it but my phone and iPad doesn't, so i dont rely on it)

tip 4- idk if you want tips on actual fic writing or just how to get your fics onto tumblr but ill help you with that anyway. with me when i write fics i always imagine it out in my head. theres some of my fics where i just went with the flow and wrote wgatever came to mind and those are the fics i hate the most because they dont rlly make sense to me. theyre always so random and it just seems rushed and bad.

i picture my fics like a scene in my head and whatever i want the character to do, think, say or feel i write that shit down asap. i use other online sources to help get more descriptive like the emotion theasurus <- honestly one of my favourite things to use ever, they have so much body language to use for every emotion in the damn book

dialogue is also something i find difficult. i've improved i personally feel like but its still hard for me especially if im writing a new character. i never want to make the character seem OOC so i do lots of research before hand. i normally use the wiki to read up on a characters personality.

for example i'll use ran for this since he's like 99% of my account lmao. in the wiki, he's described as "naturally whimsical toward others which makes him inscrutable" though ran doesnt have many scenes in the manga (which i hate bc i love him sm) its impossible to actually write him down to a tee so i use that naturally whimsical description to make him playful, charismatic, carefree etc, going off what little information i have with him.

getting a characters personality down is what can make or break a dialogue. for me when im reading a fic of a character and their dialogue is so OOC it puts me off and i dont even wanna read. so i apply my same fic icks to myself and think if I don't like seeing this and that in a fic, why would I incorporate those in my fics and have ppl get put off it if they have the same fic icks as me?

hope that makes sense!!

tip 5- dont rush yourself at all. i used to rush a few of my fics and i just ended up hating it so much after and fought bck the urge to delete them so many times but then i'd see people's comments and realise i was being too harsh on myself. i'd keep them up but i'd just hate seeing them get attention.

rushing only makes you hate your work and the quality of your work will decline if you are not in the right headspace.

thats also why i have the don't rush me thing in my rules because not only is it annoying to see people constantly asking for updates, it also makes me mad because i know i'll just put out a piece of garbage if i did rush.

also another tip don't give yourself deadlines!! if you know your writing consistency can be a little sloppy, don't tell your followers that you're going to upload every so and so day. if something happens and you miss the deadline, you'll feel bad and rush something out and most times out of ten, a rushed fic doesn't do well. so take your time and don't rush.

tip 6- dont listen to what other people say or feel obligated to write something you don't wanna. establish your boundaries!! for example, from day one i started this blog i said im accepting requests but i will not write anything to do with non-con, incest or minors. i made sure that was out there so i wouldn't feel uncomforable writing anything i wasn't comfy with.

there are people on this app that may like your writing and request you to write something for them. you are not obligated to write anything for anyone! don't feel like you have to just because they asked nicely.

if you want to accept requests you can im not saying you shouldn't, im saying don't feel like you have to. you always have a choice. its your blog.

tip 7- remember this isn't a job. you're allowed to take breaks, allowed to have a personal life. don't feel like you need to be updating every day. i used to think i was obligated to be uploading consistently at least every week because i was obsesssed with engagement and seeing peoples comments and was scared if i took a break ppl will unfollow. now i honestly don't care. i'm not active as much as i used to because of school and that's fine! if ppl want to leave, let them. don't feel like you're forced to keep being active in order to keep your follower count stable.

tip 8- this app can get really toxic sometimes. luckily enough i've only had one toxic anon in my inbox and i've been on this app for a year. some people have so many, some ppl get harrassed etc. if that happens to you just be prepared since there's no actual way to find out who's behind anons. you can turn off your anon options which means if ppl want to inbox you something then their account will be showing. some people arent comfortable with that and that's fine! i keep mine on because i want people to feel comfortable on my page.

just remember though if you ever feel like this app is getting overwhelming take breaks! for the sake of your mental health take breaks. i know so many writers on here that took breaks and came back healthier and stronger.

i feel like this tip goes for social media in general. as much as i love social media im aware how unhealthy it is. breaks are so important for you. remember that.

i can't think of anymore tips right now but if i have some more i will edit the post and add it on.

if u have anymore questions about the tumblr posting format dm me and ill help you out :))

[deebott]

I keep ending up in a fucked up cycle with a 'friend' from work I say it that way cos I know this person doesn't value me not cares about me as a person but I care about them so I'm constantly just olive branching and apologizing for mean shit he does and they will gas light me and be like 'you think I'm a bad person ' knowing I've never said that. It's not healthy and I hate it cos I legit just want to be a good friend. I WANT to grow with them. I'm looking for a therapist cos I don't want to do this anymore. I'm also praying I get this new position at my job. I applied but it was near the holiday and im waiting for a call I guess.

But I want to have more control this year better ways to cope cos I'm already anxious to go to work and see them and I shouldn't because I didn't do anything yo deserve it nor did I the other times but I don't want to loop I want off this toxic ass ride.

[thesolotomyhan]

Amado 👀 kink 👀 list 👀 ? -ps I love you so much queen ❤️

a/n: guess whos back on their amado bs ? :)) heh i dont know if i should thank you or hate you for requesting this >:)  but so sorry for the wait te amo <3

warnings: nsfw! a huevo

choking:  

alright lets kick this off,,,,, so when i associate a choking kink and amado,, i imagine this going two ways all the time,, like on one hand heh it would without a doubt come out heavily when you make him jealous because hes already frustrated to the highest point with you and the urge for just claim you while he makes you drunk off of his cock being buried into you and making you sore and just watching the way you would throw your head back chanting his name sets something off in him because as soon as he places his hand on your neck and squeezes just to see the way you would struggle to gasp,, your moans coming out more quicker but you fucking looking back up at him all innocent and placing your own hand on top of his and encouraging him to keep squeezing has him focusing all of his attention on you and wanting to keep seeing you lose your breath quicker everytime he closes his hand around your neck i - wow i just ,,,, but you know the other path? yeah it just happens naturally and spontanelouly with you to be honest because maybe te esta haciendo el amor and not fucking you into tomorrow but his hand would just be coming up across your body while he moves his hips into you,, his face buried in your neck while you scratch down his back and him just placing his hand on your throat,, the coldness from his watch the only thing soothing against your hot skin when it dangles and comes into contact with your skin,,  and him moving your head back just so he can kiss your neck and place small bites onto you as he feels how warm and tight you are around him,, your pretty moans only fueling him on even more ,,  i cant - im trying to say he just has a thing for even the mere sight of his hand around your throat wether just for looks or actually gripping you- thank you for your time

face riding:

ok listen here i originally didnt have this added onto for him but i would be fuvkin lying to your guys if i said this shit does not apply to him, especially after one of you guys reminded me of his pinshe nariz ???? like omg - i cant you know i had to at least talk about it one more time and what better timing am i right? and i ? im not sure how/want to go in a certain direction on how it happens because maybe it kind of just happens ?? maybe you or him ask for it ? or just you simply doing it ? but to be honest im just here to paint the last picture because oh my goddd,,, the way i imagined him having his arms kind of wrapped around your  thighs so he can keep you from pulling away,, him groaning into you and encouraging you to move your hips against him,,, his eyes just focused on you on top,, the feeling of him lightly chuckling into you when he sees you contort your face in pure bliss,, you moving your hand down to tangle into his hair when you feel his nose :) bump up into your sensitive clit :) your other hand coming up to toy with one of your breasts as you continue to move your hips up and down onto him just to feel him bury his face even deeper into your soaking folds, the obscene squelch from your pussy accompanying your moans and you cant help but let your legs shake around his head especially when his nose keeps jerking against your swollen nerves i- wow i am sorrY

hair pulling:

its just something about the thought of him having you on your hands and knees while he fucks you from behind that triggers this for me to be totally honest,, because i can just picture him gripping your hips with both of his hands while you have your face buried into the pillows,ass up,,  your hands gripping onto the sheets beneath you as he thrusts into you, your moans being muffled into the pillows,,, you bringing one of your hands back to rest on top of one of his hands on your hips, lifting your head slightly to let out a moan of his name when he harshly pumps into you :) and him bringing his other hand away from your waist to trail it up your spine :) his hand collecting your hair until he can have a full grip on it just so he can pull your body up with his to be on the same level, his chest to your back,, your moans becoming higher now that youre brought away from the pillows :) him bringing your hand that was holding his earlier down the front of your body towards your wet swollen clit, helping you rub circles :) all the while his other hand is still tangled in your hair so that he can bring your face towards him :) i cant ay no- or get this image too :) you on top of him instead :) hes sitting up as he helps you bounce on top of him, groans leaving his mouth mixing in with the smacking noises of your hips meeting his filling the silent space around you both,,, his face buried in your neck as he leaves hickies on the side of your neck :) one of his hands trailing up your leg and you cant help yourself from the feeling of him everywhere on you that you have one of your hands move away from his shoulder where you placed it to move into his hair :) and tangle your hand in it :) pulling his head back by his hair :) god- you leaning down to kiss him instead and let your moans die out in his mouth,, your bounces becoming more slower by the seconds as you both just focus on the feeling of the others lips on eachother :) him groaning into you since your hand hasnt moved away from his hair as you keep running your hand roughly in it :) and him just moving his arm around you as he lets his hand trail across your back :) :) :))

overstimulation:

ay no i just OK ok- so i have two scenarios that u thought of when i got to this bullet point because :) really it’s the thought of the way this mf would be smiling into you in a cocky way ,,, his hands doing that thing where he traces your closest body part in a feather like way to have you squirming even more and hear your voice go a pitch higher is what he loves about being able to overstimulate you but in so much more ways than one to fully bring it all in together like artwork and make you go delirious and wow but ofc theres the other obvious overstimulation :) where he loves to make you come more than once :) just so he can see you go into a drunken orgasmic state, the way youre body would writhe and just contort as he builds you up over and over again, the way your eyebrows crease gradually at the same time your moans come out more rapidly and higher the way you just want him to help you get to your climax and all of this just leads into his other favotute view of just seeing out post-orgasm :) the way your body would have those small aftershocks that make you shake a bit, your muscles clearly worn out as you lay there helpless, your voice becoming hoarse and ugh :) that buildup to that view in particular is what eggs him on to keep stimulating more and more everytime, the cocky smile on his face when he hears the desperation in your small voice that you cant do another :) but he knows you and he knows your body can still take another and wow-

lingerie/wearing his things:

no surprise here but lingerie and adding this man to it? you just made him the happiest mf here, no further questions required,,, i feel like for him it feels like hes opening a present for himself when he sees you wearing lingerie :) lo complaces and he would die happily everytime he sees you in something and i lay my case down because :) take this as an example i imagine this especially applies to the situations after all the shit he always has to put with all day,,, just the idea of him sitting back and seeing you walk out in some lingerie with his shirt over you has this man all relaxed all of a sudden and his whole attention towards you,, like all of a sudden ya no esta cansado el cabron, hes already spreading his legs further apart just to make space for you, his arms resting on the arm rests,, nothing else would have his focus at all because hes too busy admirandote and all,,, god- you cant tell me he wouldnt have this glint in his eyes as he just sits there todo embobado, his eyes raking over all your curves and him just itching to move his shirt out of the way from hiding everything about you from him :) all while you saunter your way to him, small mischievous fucving smile on your face the whole time, and woW him just grunting out when you come to straddle him,, your :) hands resting on his chest and must rubbing your hands softly on him as you look down at him :) his own hands are already resting on your ass :) one of your hands just slowly making its way to his shoulder when he says something like “se te ve mejor mi camisa cuando te la pones” you gently laughing and just leaning down to kiss him :) :) you pulling away and just asking him “como te fue hoy?” your hand quietly massaging his shoulder :) as he leans his head back, letting out a long sigh while he looks at you like “ fue cabron- ni se por donde empezar” and :)) :) you lightly pecking his lips again :) your hand wandering down to palm him through his pants :) :) giving him a sly smile :) as you get up and sink down to your knees :) your hands starting to unbuckle his pants to let out the tent in his pants :) going “empieza desde el principio” your eyes unwavering from his :) AY WEY NO-

leaving marks/biting:

i think ive said it before but the idea of him leaving marks on you or you on him will always bring him to smugly smile to himself,, and i dont think he would be such a big ass fan to leaving the most noticeable ones i think he would like leaving marks where only the two of you are allowed to see and no one else if you catch my drift,, like i feel as though he would love leaving bruises on your hips ? from how hard he holds them when hes fucking you into the bed,, or leaving small bite marks on your inner thighssss :) and i bring this up because i am in fuvkin love with the thought of his cocky ass smirk he would give you as he hears you gasp out everytime he trails closer to where :) youre throbbing :)) or in the most “riskiest” part he would leave marks on you would be your neck :) but on spots close to your ear :) or the sides of your neck ya know :))) and just to add onto this i just- i feel like he loves the feeling of either your nails dragging down his back when hes on top of you :) and thrusting into you :) because i always picture him having this dreamlike/sappy ass smile on his face when he feels your nails drag down the skin on his back :) while you moan out under him and wrap your legs around his wasit :))) he would like,,, love the feeling of the sting on his back the morning after :) para recordar ya know haaaa-

size kink:

maybe its just me or something else entirely  but ohhH lord please tell me,,, someone- reassure me i am not the only one envisioning this because :)) the thought :) of him :) teasing you :) or just straight up having this normal conversation with you :) and him constantly having this stupid smile on his face because :) he has to look down at you :))) or even just the fucvking thought of him like dancing with you but his whole ass frame clearly towering you as he holds you just gets me lightheaded pls send help asap ay no- and not to be a soft bitxh during a nsfw work here but i just cant help but get absolutely soft to the point of becoming a puddle of a mess at the thought of him leading you around when he dances with you like una pinshe slow nortena/chicano ya know ? like his whole arm wrapped around your back,, maybe his other hand is holding yours or just not at all maybe he has una pinshe cerveza but your head is right next to his chest and all and its so easy for him to slyly lean his head down slightly just to kiss the top of your head ooh fuuuu- im sorry but back to the original topic mmmm i just i love the idea of this mf’s large ass hands gripping your hips,, you shaking and whining out his name when he pushes into you,, the feeling of his cock splitting you open just has you throwing your head back,, your hands not knowing if they want to grip the bedsheets or grab onto some part of him all the while hes just leaning over you,, :)his chain lightly dragging over your hot skin:) :) him  groaning out lowly as he lets his eyes rake over your entire small frame compared to his :)  rocking his hips slowly into you as he moves one of his hands ro rub your clit him smiling when he sees your legs open wider and shift your hips up slightly, your whines coming out more rapidly i- ,, you finding strength and moving your eyes down to see the sight of the two of you connected and thats when you notice it :) its small but noticeable if you keep looking :) and you cant help but let out a loud moan when you bring one of your hands to ghost over your lower abdomen and feel the protrusion of his cock buried inside of you, it makes your walls flutter around him even more and ay no,, him muttering out curses and letting his eyes come back to meet yours when your hand grasps onto his arm looking at him with your doe eyes,, your pants coming out heavier as you move your hips around, the :) tip of his cock :) just barely prodding your walls enough to cause a small bulge :) on your mound as you adjust around him :) - iM SO SORRY GOODbYe

taglist: @coaxium-captain-rex @visintaes @sheeshgivemeabreak @artemiseamoon @wtfisgoingonlol @boomclapxox @carlislecullenisadilf @ashlingiswriting

amado tag: @mylovepedro 

let me know if you want to be added! 

[cartoonrival]

Nrto/Brto for 3 10 & 17?

bro literally the wider naruto fandom sucks so bad idek where to begin

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

i dont have a specific example so instead im gonna give a general gripe about a trend that ive seen in many takes over time

the black and white thinking and refusal to think for half a second about characters other than ur faves Reminds Me Of Something!real ones know. the way people talk about any character with any sort of greyness to their morality kinda makes me crazy and i lowkey think ppl bring up kishimoto TOO MUCH in their discussion of the storys themes bc while obviously like its important to talk abt WHY he wrote it the way he did esp wrt nationalism and all, i think also it sort of dulls ur ability to think anything complex about it if u blame everything u dont like or think was "sloppily done" on kishimoto. judging every character based on kishimoto's morals instead of their own if that makes sense? its not like "the wrong way to do things" i just personally find it really boring when thats the only way youll look at a text. like no wonder you guys are constantly making jokes about how naruto sucks and you'd never recommend it, you wont even allow yourselves to think about the story as its own piece of art beyond just "kishimoto wrote it this way because he sucks" like do you ever think maybe youre killing some of the fun of media analysis... i think its why so many people hate sakura or kakashi or itachi or anyone else. and this always comes out in the way ppl characterize bc theyre like Um I've Fixed Them :) and then its the blandest shit ever because you absolutely refuse to work even slightly WITH the story you claim to love, only fighting tooth and nail against it.

some examples of what i mean w this: basically any conversation about itachi that tries to categorize him as either good or bad. basically any conversation about sakura that tries to do literally anything or nothing with her. people making sns blandly romantic as if the insane and inventive ways they talk about their feelings for each other in canon isnt genuinely part of what makes it so maddeningly fascinating and awesome. anyone who thinks kakashi is a bad teacher. its just this refusal to meet the characters where they are and think of anything in terms of the text itself rather than exclusively in a meta way, ie "this is how it would be if it was good." no its not. you just made it how it would be if it was bland and obvious. dont you literally think the fact that the guy writing it was accidentally writing his characters to be struggling against the same shit that he was struggling against irl and struggling to keep Out of his writing is like. wildly fascinating and part of waht makes the story intersting to pick apart. but ok. this also applies to aspects of boruto primarily sasusaku and naruhina marriages. no one gets it like i doooooo

10. worst part of fanon

everybodys always shipping kakashi with someone and its never even guy. if youre gonna ship kakashi it had better fucking be with guy bc theres gen srs no one else he would be caught dead romancing with and i cant even see how you could read any of his other relationships as romantic. he doesnt even HAVE a relationship with iruka. i get that not every ship has to have canon support but its all either 1) literally not even interesting to think about or 2) what they have actually going on is way more interesting but see my response to question 3. its the same with gaara honestly the more i think about it the more annoyed i get about the ignorance surrounding just-short-of-canon aroace gaara ToT like if u didnt know then ok... but you should learn because its awesome. i just thinking the shipping culture in the fandom is annoying like everyone has to be shipped with someone and that seems to come before their genuinely interesting relationships. and those genuinely interesting relationships are sanded down into something normal. idk this is a gripe that goes w Many Many fandoms but i feel like w naruto its particularly bad largely on account of See Previous Answer. ppl are like "its written this way bc kishimoto is homophobic i will fix this" then they make it suck because shockingly ik kishi actually wrote a good as fuck story if deeply flawed

17. there should be more of this type of fic/art

ill be fr i dont gen seek out fics or art independently to be 100% sure that stuff i'd be looking for isn't out there somewhere. but i think ppl really really should just. think about sakura more. i literally love her sm but ppl won't think abt her beyond either 1) she sucks and i hate her (but this is because of kishimoto's writing and has nothing to do with me! if i rewrote naruto then she wouldn't be there 😌 this is a kindness to her and not because i cant be assed to think about a woman for 5 seconds) or 2) girlboss!!!! like.... is that scene in the land of iron not BIBLICAL to anyone else....??? is her devotion to someone she's lost faith in out of loyalty to someone she loves and is losing her ability to understand not FASCINATING???? TO ANYONE ELSE???? IS THE WAY SHE PICKS UP THE TRAITS OF HER TEACHER THAT HE SPECIFICALLY IS NOT MEANING TO PASS ON TO HER NOT HEARTWRENCHING???????? you people suck. instead you write ooc sns over and over and draw kakashi without his mask kissing fucking obito

[unofficialadamtaurus]

First of all CONGRATS for finishing! It could not have been easy (I say as I remember all the times you were sore, bruised, and/or sick while trying to write a chapter LIKE BRUH), especially when each and every chapter is god tier. Seriously homie, you’re amazing!!

But FOR REAL WTF?? these dudes keep working after having infiltrated a massive fucking whale, stopped a Grimm invasion, got exploded to bits, and fought an immortal milf? Babes pls get some. Idk. SLEEP.

Naw but i really do love to see it. Also especially love to see how much they support each other through it 🥹 honestly the highlight of the chapter for me.

GOD like this moment when all of RWBY hug is HNNNNGSOZHBEHAOXH

Blake and Weiss joined the hug by some unspoken signal. Ruby melted into their embrace like so many petals and Blake's heart melted with her. "I missed you guys."

THEY ARE FAMILY OKAY AND I JUST GXHWIYZBXOYWNJ

Ruby is being particularly adorable too (the carrots line killed me 💀) but also like GURL YOU ARE LITERALLY BLIND RN STAY IN BED??

Yang nodded. "We'll get through it. Speaking of getting through things…can we talk?"

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Yang shuddered at her touch. Their lips brushed when Blake continued: "Let's skip that part this time."

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

THOSE TWO ARE SO *frantic arm gestures* YKNOW??? Im happy they got a happy ending because yeah I doubted it for sec okay 😩

LMAO at the reoccurring Oscar interruption but wait FUCK THE KID IS FUCKING DYING?? UGH god I didn’t expect the Oscar and Ozpin thing to hurt as much as it did. Ozpin deserves good things too dammit whyyy 😭😭

GODDAMN Adam and Blake conversations are always so top tier is2g. There’s something I love so much about this conversation brooo. Blake’s resolve and care towards him just 🥹 UGH. her unwavering stares? Easily expressed gratitude? Instant forgiveness (nothing to really forgive cuz like corruption feels like shit and pretty violating and traumatizing tbh fr but she does it anyway to help him feel better ANDANDAND—)? THE LETTER???

OWHXISOWHXNIWOEUDNCKEIHWKFIW I JUST LOVE IT WHEN SOMEONE CARES ABOUT HIM AND HE FEELS IT OKAY

And FUCK I love this part

He swallowed and looked away, unsure how to respond to that. He didn't want to say "You're welcome," because they weren't, and this was never going to happen again. Even if, in some small corner of his heart, the knowledge that he'd helped to save the world like some kind of fantasy hero radiated a gentle heat that would warm him for a long time to come.

YOU DIDNT HAVE TO GO THAT HARD HOMIE IM ALREADY CRYIN 😭

Also LIVING for Neo and Adam team up. Neo’s expressive mannerisms are genuinely so fun to read UGH it’s PERFECT. And the “Don’t stay too long” for Qrow OAISBXOIENWOWIDN

He clipped Blush to his belt and let the spark flare unhindered.

Homie when I tell that IM FUCKING LIVING FOR THISS

"'Part of starting over is saying goodbye. You were first; now it's my turn. If you want to, you'll see me again.

"'Goodbye, Blake.'"

OWJDNEOWHNDDIJENEIDNXIEUWNDIFUENEIDIXJNWO IM EMOTIONAL

wait omfg I think I forgot to mention to Jaune 💀 I don’t hate him I swear The way his semblance and aura are practically working against each other is a REALLY interesting and nice touch, and i don’t think ive ever seen it applied like this. And I love his “i went from nothing to nothing line” and how he’s just so glad he was able to save somebody. 🥹 it captured that part of his character so well and tbh the same goes for all the others (me @ ruby rn is going “bitch is you BLIND”). It’s a really neat touch to the chapter!!

I can't tell if you've read the epilogue yet, but either way I am injecting every keysmash in this message directly into my veins. Your reviews were one of the things I most looked forward to when writing a new chapter - I was excited to see which lines you'd specifically comment on. You're probably at least 20% of the reason this story got finished at all lol.

Thanks for reading, and thanks for never failing to bring a smile to my face when commenting 😊

[aitavoting]

AITA for asking for a potential ride to my potential job?

So I (23f) and my mother (63f) have been butting heads about this for the last month. I have been looking for jobs since my seasonal position at a certain red and white craft store ended in december with no luck whatsoever. Since I don't have a car or license yet I've been having to limit my search to within 15 minutes of my house at the maximum so that my mother doesn't flip her lid about having to take me to work (which she does anyways but thats mostly because I can't get a job where she wants me to since they have a thing about family members working in the same building). But a couple weeks ago a certain interactive art exhibit company decided to put one of their exhibits at a mall i liked to go on dates, and since they aren't open yet i decided to apply as they were paying a pretty good wage, offered benefits and i would fit right in.

The only problem is that it's a half hour away without traffic. When i told my mother, she in semi-different words which still got the point across said that i was being an abusive, entitled asshole for applying and wanting to ask her and my sister (33f) to drive me to work on their days off and even said that if i want to work there i had better find my own place close enough to it. Except she drives that long to got to work herself and my sister drives almost that long every other day to take my niece to her extra curricular activities.

I tried to explain that she and my sister would only be driving me until i can drive myself but she never lets me get that far before exploding on me (as she does with any argument we have ever) and making baseless accusations about how the only place that has responded to my application out of the almost 100 I've put in, is the one I'm actually interested in and how suspicious it is, as well as implying that im just not trying hard enough to get a job or just don't want to get a job (instead of being screwed over by companies that only say they're hiring to keep up appearances while functioning on a skeleton crew) while i try not to lose my own head (I'll admit we are both a bit hotheaded) and explain to her that while shes been working in the exact same company in the exact same field and almost the exact same job for the last 25 years, the job market everywhere else has changed a lot especially during the recent pandemic and that it would be smarter for me to try to get this job at a place that pays well (almost as good as my sisters job pays), has benefits and is hiring an entire staff as its not open yet, and where i will get to work with a lot of like-minded people despite the half hour commute and the fact that she doesn't think it's "practical" or a "grown-up job" than it would be to not and continue applying to places with a more convenient commute but pay crap in comparison, offer very few to no benefits, has very few like-minded people to myself, are (i guess in her mind) "practical" and "grown up" and haven't even bothered to acknowledge that i have sent in multiple applications.

It got to the point that while she tried to use the multiple jobs she had in the past that she hated to invalidate my feelings about wanting to work somewhere different to my last three jobs because i hated them and got treated like crap by coworkers and customers alike, that i said that i was sorry but I didn't give a single solitary shit about the fact that she made herself miserable working in places she hated because they were convenient and they were paying money but since I haven't gotten a single response from anywhere else that is convenient that it would be a dumbass decision to not try to get this job.

[this story was submitted by @wildfire317]

Feel free to make your opinion be heard in the comments/reblogs but keep it respectful. For detailed information please read the guidelines for commenting. Violations will lead to your comment being deleted and you potentially being blocked.

[wishchthumblr]

time for long and not re read vent post aha

i am genuinely so fucking mad at my mom rn

im crying over twitter because it seems like it’s actually breaking this time, more than last. and i know its “the shit site” and it’s “garbage” and whatever but i dont care because its my home. its the only social media (before now maybe tumblr too) that ive felt good using. insta made me feel so terrible and nothing else really worked before i got twitter.

i’ve always been more of a lurker than poster and twitter made that possible for me, its where ive spent over a year. its the first social media i actually enjoy using. and then that dick head bought it and is just breaking it on purpose at this point.

i went to my mom almost crying because my mental health has been so terrible recently that ive barely been able to bring myself to even use my phone, let alone twitter and the thought of Being Perceived brought me physical pain. and then im finally okay enough to go on it and talk to my friends and see the people i admire and the first thing i see is everyone leaving. and my mental health just goes down again.

im telling her about the new limit shit and how everyone is leaving and that //im scared// and she just. makes some joke about how “im sure that doesn’t apply to the musk supporters🙄” and something about musk’s relationship with chinese government

what. just WHAT

does she not see that im saying this with tears in my eyes? does she not hear that im about to cry in my voice? does she not see that i dont fucking care about the politics of it because im losing my friends and my outlet and the people i look up to and im losing the place i used to go to make myself feel better after dealing with everything in my real life and im losing the good memories.

she keeps doing this again and again and im so tired of it. your daughter is terrified of losing her friends and her safe place and you’re joking about chinese bots and politics? i feel like my mom doesn’t care

im literally crying while writing this and she’s posting on her facebook about some “oh but im sure the pro chinese gov and elon support accounts will still be able to tweet🤔🤔” bullshit

im so tired of her and other people disregarding my feelings and genuine heartbreak over losing my online support system because “oH iTs juSt TwiTtEr LOOLLLL itS alL ShiT anYwAy!!!!”. i hate you. i genuinely hate people who say that. how dare you just throw aside other peoples support systems and livelihoods like that just because its on a website you dont like. how fucking dare you. it doesn’t matter if the website comes back because you directly told me you dont care about my fear.

idk im just so tired of it. idk tumblr etiquette about venting or whatever but i needed to get this out. might delete later if i feel better idk. just. be nicer to people. just because you don’t relate doesn’t mean your dismissal isn’t breaking my heart and my trust in you. this is why i never tell people anything and just hide away whenever i feel terrible

[princess-pill-enjoyer]

life's been okay. nothing special. days just keep on going. ive had a job for bout 2 weeks. ig thats not really an achievement tbh.

before this, that work from home place i was barely working, prolly 5-10 hours a week. and i'd slither out of those where possible anyway. this one week i worked a whopping 2 hours within 2 weeks. I was planning on killing myself and occasionally tried to all throughout having those jobs so i wasn't really worried about the consequences

before that the only other in person job i had was for my ex best friend. she worked there so i applied and got a job o work with her. only for her to quit 2 weeks after i got in whiich lead me to quit prolly a week n a half later cause i finally got fed up with the manager.

so now, even tho it ain't the longest ive held down a place, its the first that i really cared to put in effort to hold a job.

im semi celebrating but im honestly miserable. my feet hurt so fucking bad so it literally doesnt matter how good my hours are i never want to leave my bed. the people up there are so cliquey and on my 2nd day out of training one of my coworkers went off on me for going too slow and "not putting in my part". theyre starting to give me longer and longer shifts. i went from working 3-4 8 hour shifts per week to working 3 doubles just like that. they sooo generously give an hour and a half break in between the 6:30-3 and 4:30-8 shift but.. who in their right mind is even leaving atp? i live too far for that. i'd be home for at most an hour. waste of gas.

and to me what's worse, this whole situation is exactly what i've been avoiding. i knew it'd come down to this someday. but what alternative do i have?

HA. you know as a kid, i never understood addiction. I never thought I'd have to deal with it. By the time I was 8 I knew I'd kill myself someday. if i ever felt bad, that'd be what i'd do. no need to force myself to do something i didnt really wanna do. but now it seems so easy. i don't know what i wanna do from here. i hate my job. i hate my home life. i dont like to talk to my friends anymore. im bored of games. im bored of music. bored of tv.

whisking the days away doing what i have to would be a lot easier if i didnt have to be fully present for all of this. just something to pass the time until i have a better handle on what's the next move. right now, the only thing i can do is save up money. i have shit to pay off if i wanna keep a good credit score and i have things i need to buy. what's me hating every second gonna change?

though i know it's a slippery slope. abusing shit aint gon work out as smooth as I wish it would. I'll get addicted and then I'll get used to feeling that way so it'll take more for me not to get annoyed. then it'll turn back to me immediately running back to it for every minor situation. and honestly with the job i got i'd just have to hope i would be able to push through it without it being noticeable

i'm not happy i stopped. i feel like had i still been on dph i would've known for a fact how to make myself look normal. i could be gone out my mind but long as i get the shit right i could just daze through the days. but ya know. now. i ratted myself out

and now im stuck.

nothing more for me to do. nothing else i could be doing. nothing else i should be worried about other than making money

I never understood why adults always told me i'd miss being a kid since i was always struggling so bad. all they ever said is that my problems then were gonna feel like nothing once i was an adult. but they were wrong. i guess for now. but all i wish now is that i used all that freetime back when nooo one woulda suspected anything if i was away for a lil while. back when i wasnt ful grown and it'd prolly take a whooole lot less to finish the job

but here we are. forced to keep going and doing what i can to suppress what i really wanna do

ah speaking of which... i got pissed the other day and i tossed one of my drawers and broke it. then broke my bottle for my vitamins by throwing it to the ground. then i accidentally knocked over this container of beads and instead of just sweeping it back into the thing and reducing the mess, i just kicked it as hard as i could and tore the container apart. there's still beads everywhere

that is something i can't force myself to contain anymore. everything else i've been dealing with fine but when im pissed im pissed. i gotta get that under control too

[dandeliicnsarchived]

I’m gonna keep it real with y’all like I do - however it may get long, so I’ll stick it under read more and I won’t be formatting it either.

Today was not my best day, and I know y’all aren’t going to pressure me to write ( btw love y’all for sticking with me. ) However, I need to be honest and open and part of this is for myself. 

Today, I had an emotional breakdown because I saw my ex boyfriend on my social media feed as a recommended. He’s living the life that I wanted, married, happy, a child - everything I wanted at one point he is living. That disgusting piece of SHIT doesn’t deserve it, he’s an abuser, he manipulates and he doesn’t care who he burns or hurts. He hurt me in the past and he didn’t care how it was would effect me. 

Reason for not continuing my service in the Army? He’s one of the reasons - for the first half of my contract, we were planning on starting a life together, planning where to get stationed so we could be together - often called and video chatted but i noticed his behavior whenever I didn’t pick up a call. I was assumed to be cheating when he was one that did that. He cheated on me with multiple women state side and threw it in my face. He even had a women message me acting like it was him and trying to break us up.

I should have stopped there, I should have ended things but I didn’t because I was in love. I leave korea (as some people know I was stationed there first), I end up in Texas. I was looking forward to seeing him - reconnecting maybe even starting that life that we planned and dreamed about. He only used me for sex, I was nothing more than a body for him to use for his own pleasure and I didn’t know until I left the base he was stationed at. He married the girl he cheated on me with, cheated on her with me because he lied about his relationship with her. 

He still did actively cheat and many women told that wife about his actions but apparently they’re living their best life. I don’t have any issues with that woman, but I am scared for her. The men I fell in love with used me, manipulated, isolated and abused me for months and almost years because he used my love as a weakness. I have nothing but pure hate for this man and I wish him nothing but the worse but he took things from me that I will never get back. 

I hate living my life with scared, worried and wondering if I even deserve love or to be happy because of how i was treated in the past. I think I’ve purposely gained weight so I wouldn’t be appealing to anyone so there’s never that what if I end up with someone and they hurt me like that man did. it honestly SUCKS having memories pop up, vivid dreams of the guy who did nothing but abuse me for his own enjoyment but on the other side of the god damn fence, he’s living the dream I wanted but gave up on. 

Honestly, I’m just venting - Im angry and sad, I cried, i bounced back but I’m so FUCKING emotional ( I can label it as just anger or just sadness because it’s everything NEGATIVE. )

I know for a fact, my time will come and I will heal if I really apply myself. I know I can and I will but this is just the hardest part. I back home, I’m safe, I have a job and I have my friends who matter. We all shared a meal today and I smiled and laughed but now that I’m alone again, I can’t help but reflect and wonder when do I get to be happy?. It comes at its own time and pace, I know but still - god dammit man. Abusers get live their lives and act as if they did nothing wrong but the victims stay stuck and having to build themselves again, tougher and stronger and just change; the person they were before the abuse is gone - now we have to be better and stronger but I deadass didn’t ask for this shit, the joke of “this is just my character development”  is honestly sad and heartbreaking. 

I’m not gonna curl up and let the depression and anxiety take over; I’m gonna push myself to be better and let myself feel because my emotions are valid but god damn, I need to let this out somewhere. Most likely I’ll make a personal blog just for myself but maybe my words can reach someone so they know that they’re not alone? we CAN and we WILL get through this shit - they throw us to the wolves and we’ll lead the god damn pack. FUCK EVERYONE who has ever hurt us because they WILL regret it. 

[lethal-highway]

rambles about moderation and the role it fills, as someone who moderated while developing a fangame. this is re: matt and his fucking breakdown and how it all looks as someone who knows what it is to moderate a bunch of dumb tumblr teenagers.

unfortunately in order to have a healthy community it HAS to be moderated. fairly heavily in fact

unmoderated communities become this. harassment campaigns, when not stamped out, simply escalate and refine their strategies until they find a method that succeeds and then use it. in this case, it's mass-reporting trans women, but there are other ways to form a harassment campaign. you can also use them to scare people off a site. ruin their reputation across websites (call-out posts are the typical vector of this one.)

we all laugh about this being the death threat/harassment website but that's Not Actually A Good Thing. We should have never had that to begin with.

the unfortunate reality is that 'you can send death threats freely' and 'harassment campaigns (especially hate-motivated ones) don't happen' are mutually exclusive. death threats are tools of harassment.

this was always going to happen.

that's not to say moderating a site/community is easy. Far from it. i would know!!

it's very easy to power-trip while moderating, even without realizing you are, and it's easy for a normally-reasonable moderator to suddenly go apeshit because something went wrong in their life and suddenly they're a power-tripping dick who's not trustworthy anymore and the entire community, including the moderation team, suffers from it.

sometimes someone will apply to a moderation team specifically to abuse the power and behave well for a long time, attempting to slowly grab for power by introducing more seemingly reasonable rules (if you know who i mean, you know)

there are going to be users that push the rules and rebel and break them. you have to learn from them- what's a reasonable rule, what isn't, and how to know when to ban permanently vs temporarily. there are going to be shits who sneak into communities to be hateful and attack.

no community can be perfect, and no moderation team will always get it right, but refusing to moderate at all is still measurably worse.

basically what im saying is that this was inevitable, it has actually been happening for years, and it's not gonna change.

refusal to moderate has been in tumblr's blood for over a decade and remember, this is why the CP rings incident happened that they covered up using the porn ban early. (yes i know FOSTA is the real reason they were creating the ban, but the CP incident is the reason they dropped the ban early. it was DIRECTLY to distract from the incident and pretend they'd be better.)

they're not going to start actually moderating. this is gonna keep happening. they DON'T CARE. they only care when people start coming after staff, and they only care about banning the people that harass staff members, regardless of whether anyone else is subject to a harassment campaign. they don't care about the rules they created- they only really protect staff.

you CANNOT have a site without harassment and also the ability to send death threats (a form of harassment) at the same time. straight up.

with all that said, do i consider what predstrogen said a real threat? not really. it really wasn't worth banning over.

but it wouldn't have been said if staff was moderating in the first place. and that's the real core of the issue

[stardustfoundations]

Idk what the fuck to do. Going on my weekly spiral about my future and just breaking down so hard rn.

It's so hard for me to do/start any kind of animation. I just have zero motivation or will to do it. I get all these ideas then when i comes time to actually start I just feel like shit so i just mindlessly do other things until there is no time for me to work. I just hate this. I probably have ADHD or something, but that requires me to visit a doctor and i need to find one first, so I keep pushing that back more and more. I just end up in this spiral of "i have to do better i have to push this" then just not. I miss college for that motivation aspect and i pushed so hard in school because i knew i would have zero will to work after the fact which burned me out, but I need to put so much work in to have something good to apply for jobs for. And at this point im looking at a 2 year gap of not doing animation work. I had someone say they were going to review my portfolio, but it's been weeks since then. And im just fucking frustrated with myself and where i am in life. I know i cant stay in this holding space im in rn. I love the barn work im doing, if i could work full time with horses i would love to, but my hands also can't really do that cause i have fucked up skin on my fingers that cracks if i dont protect it really well. It also pays shit and it's a low amount of hours, so I'm trapped in that way. Im just so tired and drained and frustrated with myself and where im at and i need help but idk where to find it. I just want to feel like im actually getting somewhere in my life and not just fucking stagnating, but im fucking stuck and idk how to get out. I'm so fucking tired. And i feel like i have zero people i can talk to about this who can help. Cause like the last time i went to my parents while this deep they just threw horse lessons at me with 2 visits to a school councilor/therapist and called it good. I'm so tired and stuck and just frustrated.

[goremet-chef]

godd my sibling is such a dick sometimes

we are two very different people yknow, theyre out applying to jobs in person and im too scared to leave my own house for anything more than a car ride or maybe going out to eat. i have pretty cripping arachnophobia like i would say it controls my day to day life. i have certain routines i go through that i always do when im leaving a room, coming up the stairs etc in terms of like. spider scanning to make sure theres no threat cuz like

in my head it is a threat, but not for the reasons youd think. ive never been afraid a spider was gonna hurt me (unless its like. a widow or something else fucky but i dont see many venomous types). the biggest threat for me and my wellbeing is if it touches me or not. i cannot let them touch me under any circumstance because it makes me want to like. rip my skin off or some shit. i wont be normal for a while if one does (which unfortunately has happened so thats how i know)

this is a pretty big inconvenience for me obviously but apparently its also a huge inconvenience watching me deal with it cuz they complain all the time about how my fear makes no sense and how its not that big of a deal. i know its irrational! its a PHOBIA. i know it doesnt make sense but at the end of the day i still feel it and the fear it brings so maybe stfu!!!

being argued with over my own fear is so. like they start speaking as if they know better than me "the spiders arent going to touch you" yeah not if i can help it! i have really bad luck with spiders tho and i can guarantee they probably will if they could. the way they act around me its like im a magnet bro. if theres one on the ceiling i will never walk under it because it WILL fall on me, thats happened several times. kill them as soon as you can reach on the walls cuz they will fall and crawl on yr bed or floor, etc like. DO NOT try and tell ME what a spider will do, i know what theyll do and im hardly ever wrong. when you spend as much time as i do looking out for them and watching them, you get a good feel for their behavior.

daddy long legs are the worst for me because of their. extendo reach thats more touching capability!!! theyr fucking massive in my eyes because the legs count, comparing their legspan to other spiders its very obvious why theyd be the ones i justcannot deal with. plus they are CLUMSY they fall so much i hate it

and then my sibling was CONFUSED??? as to why i couldnt kill the ones we were seeing myself. was genuinely confused when i said that i have a hard time killing any spiders because i get nervous before i swing and sometimes i fuck up just based on nerves alone. like why is that such a shock how can you barely fathom that if someones nervous theyre gonna hesitate and mess up a bit, its so.

im tired of explaining myself all the time, but i keep doing it over and over cuz they seem to forget that one of my defining characteristics is my fear of spiders like. they all know about it they never fail to complain about it and theyll be like "but thats so inconvenient for you to do this extra shit just to avoid a spider" yeah! it is! i wish i didnt feel this way at all, i wish i could be normal like them, but im not

its one of those things where like. as much as you dont like to hear about it or see me deal with it (for some reason), this is something that will ALWAYS be harder for me to handle than it is for them so theres no reason for them to be complaining. they arent the ones who miss out on things because theres a spider in the way

ik this all sounds silly probably but its very genuine and controlling fear for me, they think its voluntary. what a fucking joke, you think id voluntarily live like this?

[subbybunnyboo]

i am so pissed off by people trying to make me what i am not.

assuming, encouraging me to, or hinting at, or anyhow joking about me dating a man is as shitty to hear as ‘fuck you would look much better with blue eyes’ when mine are brown. this is natural part of me, fuck off, my eyes are brown, i dont want men.

stop trying to make me what i am not. i do not hate men*, i do not love men. if i love male music artist, it does not fucking mean i should be ready to have sex with him. ‘eh haha if you dont then how is it love?’ um, girlie, you love your father/siblings, dont you?

if i feel comfortable with my bondage partner who happened to be male, it does not fucking mean i must fall in love with him, it does not mean i must want him, it does not fucking mean we must have sex at some point. because, fucking surprise if you didnt know, i am a mfucking lesbian.

stop joking you might ‘change the side’ because your potential bondage partner is woman, you dont fucking know what its like, simp for men if you want to, be happy with your boyfriend, stop making a big part of me some goddamn joke. i struggled with this shit for years and hardly accepted myself not for you to tell me i should switch to males - FUCK OFF.

i am not obligated to fuck every person i feel comfortable with - neither woman nor man. its not how it fucking works. if you dated 35yo man when you were around 18-19 it doesnt fucking mean its normal and can be applied to everybody - it does not mean i should date a person 1X years older than me. i wouldnt date a woman much older than me - 30, 25 - i fucking wouldnt because i have my own views and principles and wants. ofc thanks again for ignoring the fact that i dont want to date/have sex with men, appreciated.

and its even worse when here comes another friend of yours and says ‘well, she is kinda right, this age difference is okaaaay if he looks not old’ WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU CONTINUING ASSURING ME IN THIS IF I STATED I DIDNT LIKE HOW THIS CONVERSATION WAS GOING

‘um idgaf what you think but for me sibaru or how its called was always smth sexual, if not a deviation. m, shibari sounds like a category in hardcore porn, just my opinion. i wont be surprised if you decided to go some bdsm meeting lol’ (quote)

when i ask for support a person who i considered as my close friend gives me this piece of shit and much much more pieces of shit that make a huge hill of shit. thanks for (again) erasing me completely. i mean yes you were ignoring my sexuality all years we know each other from time to time to give yourself hope you might have a chance with me, but now - ye, cool, we are gonna talk about that im deviated not only because i like women, but also because im into bdsm stuff, and have been interested in it for almost two years now. much appreciated, bro. and of course thanks for telling me ‘everybody there just wants to fuck each other’, obviously, you know better since its YOU who was there, not me, and YOU know this people, and YOU know what my partner is and how our interactions are going. why the fuck do i disrespect myself so much that i keep talking to you after you have been disrespectful to everything in me except for things we had in common, and when i tell you how much you hurt and offend me, you dare laughing and telling me i make things up and ‘why am i so calm and your butt is burning lol’ - get out. i fucking hate you.

i love ones i can still call my friends no matter if they are men or women, but sometimes being surrounded my straights choke me.

[burnoutblog45]

I’m tired of wanting to make things, having ideas in my head, wanting to execute them and when I pull up a notepad or a bank canvas I don’t even want to touch it. Not only cause I worry it will come out awful but I’ll loose all motivation for my potential idea too and that fucking sucks. It sucks. My mind and heart just want to create so badly and I can’t. I’ve been blocked for years. I have things I want to work on but when I work on them I hate the process. Why do I want to do it then. I want to be an artist and when I try I hate it. I want to create but can’t think or execute what I think. I don’t even want to watch the things I like. I hate seeing something and wanting to make fanart and enjoy it like everyone else but I can’t. Im tired of everyone telling me how great and talented I am because it’s only been my reality for tiny snippets of time and then it’s completely gone. Abilities just gone to shit can’t make anything. My ex always talked about he worked through his problems cause there was no one to help him - I’ve had help and I’ve been alone and I still haven’t gotten anyfucking where. I realized something was fucked about the way I create after college. I had an awesome period where I could basically make whatever the fuck I wanted. Wasn’t perfect but I was willing to try. And it eventually plummeted. And it’s been basically gone since. I’ve tried to reignite it and I’ve been so inspired but I can’t make things on my own. I don’t even want to try my old ways cause I feel like if I do I’m still stuck and going nowhere. I’m 28. Almost 29. I woke up to someone I wanted to stop being friends with saying they didn’t want to be friends anymore. I already felt like a shitty person. I feel like when I look at how I am I’m a villain in other peoples stories. I was gullible and fell for something a previous crush and someone i admired did and felt super shitty about being taken advantage of and how gullible I can be. I don’t have any skills I can apply to help me earn money. People call me brave and I’m more cowardly than I have ever been in my life. Im trying to live by my values and keep fucking them up. Im completely burnt the fuck out, I don’t know how to get help and even when I do get help I don’t even know if that’s going to work or what to do when it does. I don’t even know what I want cause it feels like anything I want and get to the results don’t feel right and aren’t what I expect so why bother wanting things at all. It’s not worth it. My life isn’t going the way I wanted it to and I don’t even want to bother trying to figure it out but I literally cannot handle sitting around being miserable and feeling like well since it’s bad now it’s not going to get better and do nothing because I will fully mentally shut down and go insane.