#but i Can recognize the like. weird ass circumstances to get them in that situation would be fun

[pyrosomatic-metamorphosis]

ratatouille spiderbit au but instead of cooking roier uses cellbit’s hands to Do A Lot Of Killing to get them out of [danger]. this goes well for both of them and they are Mentally Sound about it

[asoulofatlantis]

About the Sidemission Clerith-Date in Costa del sol...

I've read a lot of complains about this Date and how Cloud was so... Cloud and how it wasn't really a treat for the Clerith shippers, but I don't think it was that bad?

I mean, I DO get it, it WAS furstrating as shit that Cloud didn't get it. But it was not like it was all for nothing.

First of all was the fact that those 3 girls recognized our ship, as a couple and Cloud did NOT deny it. He could have easily denied it or questioned that Aerith didn't deny it at least, but he went with it - and that is neither the first or the last time that he is not denying that they are dating/on a date/a couple/have feelings towards each other. Even in the scene were Aerith was bit of a jerk for pushing Tifas buttons with the Arm holding and the "kind of" - Date, Cloud could have told Tifa easily enough that it was in fact not a date and that Aerith is exaggerating or just teasing or anything like that and even this he felt obviously slightly uncomfortable with the situation, even then he did not deny it.

We also have that after finishing the first two minigames the Girls we got the mission from we talking about Clouds and Aeriths way of looking at each other and stuff like that. Pointing it out, that even if Clerith themselves might not have noticed it, that how they feel for each other is showing and clear for others to see.

I also liked how Cloud was like "I wish you wouldn't see it as a date" and when she asked why, he didn't say things like, that he doesn't have feelings for her or doesn't want to go on a dater with her or even saying something like she shouldn't take this to seriously, because its just a job they do for money. What he does say is, that he is not romantic. He knows, he can't give her what she wants and its probably frustrating for him to hear her talk about having a great date when all of this doesn't fit a character like him who is dense, not very romantic at heart and also lacks the experience.

When she asked what his kind of date was and he said "A Walk" I also think that isn't a bad thing at all. You can turn a casual walk into a really romantic thing, just by holding hand while walking. Its not very exiting maybe, but its still a date and it gives you time to talk or just enjoy the silence while enjoying just being next to each other. (Also props to Aerith for bringing up their rooftop "date" because that was the only chapter in Remake that I truly, fully enjoyed, because Cloud was so relaxed there...)

I also found it kind of romantic how practical Cloud was. Yes, it wasn't really romantic of him, but he meant well. I mean, when the girls came to the beach in their Bikinis it was really hot "in the sun", if you get me, so its not like he is immune to cleavage, long bare legs and lots of exposed skin. But instead of saying that he would love to see her in a short Bikini with a V-Neckline and something akin to a string tanga so he can see, her boobs, her belly, her back, her legs and her ass, he talked about something practical that makes it easy to move in. He was not a pervert, that much is for sure and I think one could and should appreciate it a little. Also when Aerith wanted them to ride the chocobo together, yes he found it impractical, but he ended up saying "But I am steering", so he was like a bit of a matcho, yes, but he didn't say he would not do it. He obviously didn't get the romantic implication behind it, but he also obviously didn't mind the body contact that would come with it. (he usually never does, which kind of makes the "sort of" - date reaction a bit weird to me, BUT circumstances were rather complicadet then....) Especially since, if he wanted to sit in the front, she would be behind him, with his arms around his body, clinging to his back... - makes you almost wonder if he would still be that dense if they actually tried that out XD

All in all I also think its important to see this Date, to understand what happens in the Golden Date. Here, too people complained about Cloud being so akward and almost cold. But someone on YouTube really pointed it out: That is the actual Cloud. That is how he is. Despite taking on a lot of things from Zack. When it comes to feelings and flirting, he didn't exactly take after him. I get into that issue after I've reached the part myself but I have seen the scene by now and while I get why some people were disappointed, I do believe it makes a lot of sense and doesn't in any way shape or form make the date less romantic.

Also... the other ship got an "in your face" - shipping - moment for western fans. Clerith got the "symbolism" - shipping moment that needs a bit more understanding to get.

But once again, I am not there yes. This was just about the side-mission date were I really can say that I do not think that it was at all as bad as some people say.

Also... Cloud being dense can be cute, even tho it made Aerith slightly mad at some point XD

[dastardlydandelion]

my thoughts on fear street 1666 now that i finished scrubbing all the toilets, got to go home and watch it

holy shit. that movie. wow. 

it wasn’t as fun as the other two. didn’t employ the same campy tropes. didn’t present itself in a flourish of period typical style. while i enjoyed the first two films paying homage to classic horror tropes and making the most of the stylish side of their respective environments, i am v grateful and relieved that 1666 *wasn’t* as fun as the other two and actually presented the horror of puritan fanaticism and witch accusations more srsly. imo it portrayed that grave, twisting dread that the subject matter calls for. i appreciate that bc i think i would’ve been uncomfortable if they attempted to do smth more campy with the time period given what we already knew abt the circumstances of sarah’s death even before the film. 

more of me blathering on and on abt fear street 1666 under the cut: 

the twist actually worked on me this time. they actually got me on this one, u guys. i rly watched this franchise believing sarah fier was possessing ppl and wreaking her vengeance on the town, but this whole time it was the fuckin’ goodes. nick, i never liked u, i think ur more interesting than i did before before when u were a generic as generic gets asshole, so now ur somewhat more interesting but even bigger of an asshole than i gave u credit for. ur literally the worst asshole of assholes, ur a walking infected hemorrhoidal rectum of a human being. 

don’t get me wrong, i always thought sarah was going to be portrayed sympathetically. i never doubted that. my theory was that sarah was going to be a sympathetic villain. i thought 1666 would’ve revealed why she cursed shadyside. i figured she would’ve cursed her townsfolk for turning their backs on her, maybe, or hurting/killing hannah, or using her for her witchcraft and then getting angry if it backfired on them, or smth like that. i thought we were going to watch a story abt sarah’s descent into darkness and while she’d defo be a tragic villain, she rly would be the person behind the possessions...but it wasn’t even her. she and hannah were just vulnerable to the town’s suspicion and persecution bc they were queer women who didn’t behave the way society wanted them to behave. and they were blamed for evil actually wrought by heterosexual men in power, and when sarah realized there was no way out of it, she took the blame upon herself so hannah was spared and she cursed only the goode family?? 

THAT IS SO MUCH BETTER. FUCK. THAT IS SUCH A BETTER STORY. kudos to this trilogy for being more intelligent than it ever had to be, when it could’ve just skated on the notoriety of the fear street series, the style, and billing notable cast members. 

so yeh, i defo 100% appreciated the goode men from wealthy sunnyvale being revealed as the true villains. i actually got my wish of nick getting killed in the face. i love that sarah possessed deena to do it herself!!! and deena!! oh man, i love deena so much. she was wearing a homebrew vest to protect herself made of fear street novels + duct tape, u gotta love it. ig she wanted to prepare herself since sam stabbed her at the end of 1994. on that note, she’s v active in this film for someone who has a fresh abdominal stab wound and i mean, the situation defo calls for it, but i hope she remembered to properly dress it and take a couple ibuprofen or smth. shit, i’m gettin distracted again. okay!! 

i loved errything that went down in the mall. i adore that josh and adult ziggy got more time to shine. i was so! so! happy at martin’s inclusion on the action. he deserved that after the way nick treated him in 1994. our occupations are also p similar so i defo relate to martin on that front. i loved it all the neon and blacklight stuff at the mall. that part was v stylish, that was p cool. spraying the killers with the blood so they kill each other!! yes! that was perfect!! it was incredibly practical and enjoyable for me, as a gore fan, to watch. 

i liked the sticky note on the wall at the end from deena and josh’s dad, that he had a job interview. i wonder if this is bc the curse of shadyside has been lifted with the end of the goodes?? 

yk, i feel like now knowing what we know abt the actual evil, i gotta wonder how much re-watch value there is to be gleaned from this trilogy. for example, in 1978, nick liked ziggy and didn’t want her to die. he performed cpr on her even tho she’d been stabbed a fuck ton of times and tbvh, the chances of success of resuscitation depending on what exactly it is was ziggy succumbed to seem v slim. at first i attributed this to a suspension of disbelief bc this is fiction (and to be fair crazy do happen sometimes irl, ykw, sometimes reality can surprise u) BUT now i’m sittin here like...was the cpr successful bc nick’s deal with the devil gave him the power to do that?? did his bargaining of others’ souls and offering them up for possession grant him the ability to have some control in that situation somehow? at least more than a normal human being should?? idk. it’s a thought. 

what else, what else? 

i feel like outta the three, 1666 had the most tension overall. i was p gosh darn emo abt the relationships. deena and sam’s relationship i’ve cared abt since the beginning but the contrast of them getting the opportunity to have it and be together, in parallel to the way sarah and hannah’s ended just moves u. or, it moved me at least. sarah tells hannah they’ll go somewhere and kiss in broad daylight before kissing her in almost total darkness, and then the film ends on deena and sam kissing in the sun. i was also glad deena and josh’s sibling relationship got touched on a lil bit more. thought it was cute that she tried to cook for him and produced smth that just dead ass looks inedible. i also thought it was sweet that ziggy reunited with nurse lane. she can do that now, she can leave her house without fearing the return of the curse, and she deserves it. <3

i’m impressed with the trilogy overall. each movie easily could’ve been an r-rated goosebumps episode and imo all were certainly better than that. i feel like each film was better than the previous, but personally enjoyed each one. some things were p predictable but i think much of that is intentional. 1994 and 1978 were clearly paying homage to classic slashers and familiar horror tropes. i personally didn’t find the predictability off-putting bc i recognized what they were trying to do, and felt the quality in the other elements made up for it. i was genuinely shocked by the actual villain reveal, i personally didn’t predict that. again, i always thought sarah was going to be sympathetic and i never liked nick at all, but i didn’t suspect sarah was just. dead ass *not* going to be a villain or that he was going to be the big bad. 

really dug the style of these films. loved that we got an interracial lesbian couple who made it thru the trilogy without either the predatory lesbian trope or the byg trope happening. i liked most of the characters we got to know and the only character who *rly* grated on my nerves was the villain who got stabbed in the eye. 

gosh, i want more fear street movies!! if i had to pick one outta any of the slashers featured, i’d want to see ruby lane’s story. i would like to see this production team milking the most outta the environment in the 50s, the style of the 50s, music, and whatnot. i enjoyed nurse lane even tho she was super bad at murder, so it’d be cool to see her again and who she was before her daughter got possessed and killed 7 ppl. also, ruby sings when she kills?? 

that’s weird and creepy and neat. totally down for it. 

[yanderecandystore]

Reader is alone in their room throwing a rubber ball against the wall which at one point rolls away but is returned to them. Looking up they see a single eye ball, Buddy is slowly making themselves visible again. Buddy is covered in healed scars and wound. A soft whine and a wag of a tail. Black and Red pop in for the daily check up and see whats going on Remeber self care is best care :o - Cold Anon

Thanks for caring for me Cold, but like- You really do be breaking my heart with these beautiful angst concepts ;^;

TW/Tags: Feels (angst lol) // mentions of animal abuse // d r a m a (also a little different from what you originally thought off-) // cursing // plot twist that was pulled straight out of my ass- (I can't blame y'all if this seem boring or uninteresting lol, but it was the only plot twist that I felt like it was fitting).

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

Broken smile [Yandere!Among Us x Reader - Headcanon]:

Can you imagine your shock at seeing the familiar eyes looking at your own with nothing but relief and sorrow? Can you imagine seeing your little warrior walking inside your room slowly and clumsy due to his wounds.

You jump out of bed and go hug your best friend, despite knowing fully well that he hasn't recovered fully from whatever hell he clearly went through. He was anticipating the impact but it still hurts him despite his best efforts to hold it in-

You haven't come off of your bedroom that day, most of the crew was too busy to notice that you weren't doing your tasks, but of course they would notice before everyone else-

"- Babe, have you seen [Y/N] anywhere? I have a feeling we haven't talked much."

"- That's because we didn't. They haven't gotten out of their room ever since this morning-"

"- What?? Black, you should have told me sooner, come on, we need to see if they're okay- Wait!"

"- W-What is it??"

"- Where…. Black, where is M.Red?"

Instead of going straight to checking how you were they decided to search for their child since Mini Red just suddenly disappeared-

They eventually found him, and scolded the young child for giving both of his parents a heart attack, when asked where he was, M.Red said something quite surprising:

"- I was playing doctor with the doggie!"

You heard loud bagging on your door, you didn't really expect anyone to call you so late, they probably noticed you haven't attend to any of the tasks in the spaceship (although let's be honest, you're more surprised it took them 24 hours to notice that instead of realizing your lack of presence sooner-).

You recognized that friendly family that you have grown to appreciate over the past month, Red and Black has been nothing but sweet with you and M.Red is such a energetic kid-

You didn't want to get out of your room, so instead you welcomed them in, and as soon as their eyes looked at the medicines and the space canine laying on top of it all covered in wounds, they understood what happened.

He came back. The stupid dog came back, yet in their hearts there was nothing like hate or anger at the sight of the severely damaged dog.

No, on the contrary, there was pity inside them mixed with somewhat of a relief.

Well, don't get me wrong, they hate your dog still, he is nothing more than an immense rock in their path yet there is something so, well, "heartwarming" about seeing you reunited.

It's so fun to see their loved one so happy even if it's because of… That dog.

You didn't come out of your room at all that day, you just wanted to be with your friend and take care of him, you took first-aid kits on medbay to take care of his untreated wounds. Buddy came back all patched up yet whoever did it clearly didn't do a good job at it in the first place! You were glad someone at least tried to help, yet there was something very worrying about his condition-

If someone tried to fix him up, it was because he was hurt in the first place. Buddy is a smart boy yet he wouldn't be able to properly recover those wounds on his own.

So when you brought the topic to them, you didn't expect a small hand be raised in such a excited way- M.Red was so proud of his work despite the fact he doesn't know anything about treating a wounded space animal, and honestly he didn't care- He saw it all as a fun game, in his eyes finding the dog in such a small and convenient finding place was nothing but a fun game, he not only found a good hiding spot to play hide and seek with Black, but also the dog, which he only saw as a toy.

To put it promptly, Buddy was waiting to die by the hands of the gremlin child, yet he was delightfully surprised to see the child so excited about helping him get his wounds treated, despite the fact they did it for their own twisted little amusement. At least the kid liked him more than his parents did.

Both of his parents were hesitant in letting you know that their kid had found the dog before you did, since it could be considered kinda weird for their kid to be able to find your dog in a isolated tiny spot of the spaceship that was completely off the cameras view and only accessible by the ventilation system- They lied about their child randomly founding the dog walking around instead of actually founding the filthy thing's hiding place.

No one can go in the vents unless they were small or a shapeshifting monster, and their child just happened to be both at the same time-

Either way, after finally being reunited with your dog, everyone expected things to go back to normal, even Buddy seemed tired of this nonsense, yet things never did go back to the way they were.

It was interesting how much of an impact you had on your crew. People didn't give you that much attention, yet whenever you changed your behavior it seemed to take over the entire mood of the ship. You may be thinking I'm exaggerating, yet it's not hard to believe it, is it?

After all, think about it, your dog just came back hurt from something that has done a great deal of damage to him. Something or someone made him hide away from everyone else so he could catch a break.

Buddy was a brave boy yet he was careful enough to see when a fight wasn't worth fighting. Buddy ran away and managed to hide for so long, he must have seen something or someone that was capable of scaring him from even coming back unprepared.

You mentioned that at your meeting and everyone seemed shocked at your claims, and even more surprised by how you sounded so… Angry. You sounded like someone that was calm now, yet was holding enough anger to fight anyone if not everyone in the cafeteria if they gave you the smallest hints of being the one that has hurted your doggie.

Even though he was kinda weirded out by your demeanor, the poor thing thought that he had caused you so much pain that him coming back wasn't the best thing he should have done. You were the same person as when he ran away, yet you sounded so mad…

And you rightfully were. You have been beating yourself up and feeling depressed thinking your sweet boy has died and when he comes back he is wounded to the point of not being able to walk properly. You have every right to want to beat the shit of whoever did this, even if they weren't human to begin with.

You felt like you had every right to judge every single person sitting in front of you, anyone in this room could have hurted Buddy and you knew it. The arguing was so strong that you had to be calmed down by Red, Black and Buddy at the same time.

One person in particular seemed to be pointing you out as "obviously the killer" that has orchestrated this whole charade as a way to throw everyone off, you almost did slap a bitch that day-

Others seem to understand your condition. You literally just lost your dog and he came back all bloodied and wounded. You were hurt and pissed at whoever the culprit was, even if you weren't sure of who it was.

And there was a strong intuition indicating that maybe the culprit that hurted your dog, was also the monster going around killing your crewmates. But sadly, Buddy has also changed after the incident.

Buddy didn't seem to recognize who.was the culprit, and if he could have blamed Red and Black, he knew that it was neither of them that had attacked him. Someone else has taken him by surprise, and was smart enough to cover their scent and human disguise, so he wouldn't recognize them if he managed to get away. Which he is glad he did, yet he is afraid he won't be of any help this time around.

He could blame Red and Black, since clearly they were going around killing everyone, but he somehow knew that they weren't involved with his case. He felt like it would be unfair to put the blame on them for his case in particular, they should still be thrown off of the spaceship but not for him.

But for all the different people they killed along the way.

And also… Maybe he did feel pity for the child, maybe he just felt like he was in debt with the kid for helping him out- Maybe if the circumstances were different he could have been friends with the little rascal (if the child had also decent parents and a therapist-).

You seemed to have noticed how Buddy hasn't openly barked at anyone, how he hasn't pointed anyone out yet, which was a little disheartening since it meant that this would be a lot harder than expected, yet you hadn't given up yet, you were determined to make justice for your dog, for everyone that had died.

Some of your crew were with you, some weren't, yet you didn't care at all- You would make sure to take care of your boy with more love and affection, you won't let this happen to him ever again.

And while you had found some sort of hope from this situation, Red and Black were concerned if not freaked out at the idea that someone else had started a hunting spree, and apparently with you and your dog as their target.

Red had asked their son if he was the one to hurt the canine, yet he said that he found him like that, hurt and bleeding. Black was feeling anxious as he couldn't smell the scent of someone of his kind hiding in between them, I'd they were also disguising themselves, it meant that they were being extra careful by flooding themselves with extra scents to blend in with everyone else.

This was way more than concerning, it meant they were in danger, you were in danger! And the culprit was being one step ahead from everyone else, since they have probably already found out about Black being an alien that has also invaded the ship, and that Red and M.Red were involved with the killings.

There were apparently three imposters among your crewmates.

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

Okay sorry Cold, but now I noticed that although I tried to compile your both asks into one, it feels like I may have not done the best ;-; I'm sorry. I could totally redo it and make the Reader sick and all- If you wish boo

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

[snowflake-of-destruction]

Imagine Roxas’s reaction to seeing Axel shirtless when he started getting buff for the first time

Enjoy the distraction of the evening and Roxas and Sora bonding, and be warned of language and reference to adult situations.

"Can I complain to you about Riku for a second?" Sora asked. It was perhaps not the ideal time to start a new conversation as Roxas was in the process of landing the gummi ship in a clear spot of grass in the courtyard outside the entrance to the keyblade academy at the Land of Departure, but that was how Sora was, keeping things in and then letting them explode forth at times that often seemed odd to others, but were simply the breaking point to him.

"No, I require at least ten minutes of complaining about Riku every week,"Roxas deadpanned, guiding the ship down between two others already parked. "You know the time table. Three minutes without air. Three days without food. Seven days without busting Riku's silver dusted balls."

"Gold," Sora chirped, unbuckling his restraints and going for the door.

"I'm going to regret this," Roxas sighed, half to himself as he followed suit,  "But...what?"

"Gold medal," Sora grinned. "Everything in that area is nothing less than first place." 

"Strongly disagree." Roxas screwed up his face in exaggerated disgust.

"You have no way of..." Sora complained as they started up to the castle.

"Please, can we get to the complaining?" Roxas cut him off.

"It's official even. The council of judges, me and Data Sora judging pictures saved on my gummi phone, awarded him the blue ribbon. I tied it..." 

"I will give you all the munny in my munny bag not to finish that sentence." It was pretty clear to Roxas that Sora was torturing him on purpose for crimes of his past lives. Sometimes he still hated his other.

"Then I suppose you don't want to hear about the ribbon cutting ceremony either? Or, well, it was more of a ribbon untying ceremony. I'm not usually good at tongue tricks like the cherry thing so I was kind of proud of myself that I managed to..."

The pattern of hasty interruption of an oblivious or happily malicious Sora continued. "For the love of sea salt ice cream, Sora, I'm begging you to stop before I hurl."

"What were you talking about before?" Sora blanked and grasped at straws of stray thought. "Tortillas?"

"What? Why would you think that?"

"It was taco night when I came up with the ribbon ceremony."

"You were going to tell me how much Riku was annoying you."

 The enlightened glow of remembrance entered Sora's eyes, but the spark of happiness at conquering his brain only lasted a moment before Sora was collapsing against the doors of the castle academy, playing up the drama of whining, "Riku is driving me crazy!"

"That's more like it! Tell me all about it."  Roxas was perhaps a bit overzealous in his support, judging by the look Sora shot him, so he tried a more nonchalant and less gleeful tone, "You'll feel better."

"He keeps looking at me like I'm going to disappear in front of his eyes. He's woken me up in the middle of the night to make sure I'm still breathing. He keeps tripping me up in battle because he's started diving between me and the Heartless, like all of a sudden I can't take care of myself. I know why it's happening, and I know he means well, but I'm not sure how much longer I can take it. Do you have that problem with Axel?"

Now, he and Axel had to work through some anxiety about being separated again. It had taken a lot of long talks, time, and trust exercises, to work through them, but now Roxas could help Sora with Riku's issues from the point of view of someone who had been there before and gotten out. Or he could just make a joke. "Well, I'm afraid he'll get caught in a strong wind one night and snap in half, but I'm trying to keep myself rational. I mean I can stick unwound hangers in his clothes to try and create a brace from something more substantial than his limbs, and I can put a bell on him so I don't lose track of him when he turns sideways, but after we take all the precautions we can, all I can do is tell him to be careful lifting his keyblade so it doesn't break his arm, and look at the positive. He and Jack Skellington wear the same size jacket and being able to trade clothes with  the King of Halloween is pretty cool."

"What are you talking about?"

Roxas steeled himself to be drawn into a serious talk anyway, taking a spot leaning against the doors alongside Sora and putting a hand on his shoulder, dearly hoping someone didn't open the door from the other side and send them sprawling. "Listen, I picked a ridiculous example, but the same principle applies. Take measures to keep each other safe--simple ones that don't stop you from being able to do your job-- talk about what his fears are, and then just try to find silver linings and agree to live your lives. You guys are going to be okay."

"Oh yeah, I know that,"  Sora dismissed, shaking off his hand. "I was just letting off steam. Riku's actually being really sweet. I just need to make him realize what he's doing before he finds a way to sacrifice himself again to keep me safe. What you said about Axel doesn't make sense though. He's ripped."

"He's a twig," Roxas countered with a scoff. "He's got the muscle mass of the jelly creature from Monstropolis, and looks like it the time it let me suck it into a large straw to make Boo laugh. I love him but he's a scarecrow. My stickman scarecrow, and I love him, but let's be realistic."

The light of dawning realization lit Sora's eyes once more, and Roxas found it a bit unnerving. He was definitely missing something. "...Haven't you visited Axel since he started training with Terra?"

"No, this is my first visit, to see Terra confer the master title on him." Master ceremonies had become a big thing now, a little pomp and circumstance to make it seem more important, Roxas guessed. Riku had missed out. Too bad for him. "He was on a journey of the soul as well as the body...Whatever that means. Terra didn't want me distracting him."

"That's what makes it more fun. When I went to retake my mark of mastery at Yensid's tower...Wait a second, Terra ordered you to do something and you just listened?" Sora's pursed lips and glaring eyes spoke more of tantrum throwing toddler than betrayed friend.

"He's a master," Roxas answered simply, though it wasn't respect for orders of a master that held him back. He could have been a master too, if he wanted, if he felt like he needed the validation of being recognized by the others and wanted to jump through hoops set up by Yensid or Aqua or even worse options. He had been named master of the keyblade by the Organization, that was enough. He and Axel had agreed they would help guard the worlds but they wouldn't play into the ranking game. Axel had changed his mind, and Roxas respected that, but he felt no compulsion to join him.

"You never listen when Riku tells you to do something. He's a master too."

"Master, my ass."

"No, master of my..."

"Why do you have to be like this?" Roxas groaned, sliding to the ground.

"Don't get pissy just because you haven't gotten laid in months."

"I didn't visit because Axel told me not to. We've been doing the long distance thing. We've done it before for stretches, like when he and Isa were working on their first book,"Roxas answered Sora's original question, loudly, to change the subject.

"But you've talked on the gummi phone?"

"Every night."

"With video?"

"Is this going back to a weird place you never leave?"

"I live in the gutter now!" Sora confirmed happily, before going back to neutral. "No, it's a serious question. Have you gotten a good look at Axel recently?"

"Same loveable bozo sleeping in a fuzzy zip up adult onesie that makes him look like a Meow Wow  he's always been. "

"You haven't seen him out of the onesie?" At Roxas's exasperated look, Sora defended himself once more. "Legitimate question."

"Some nights I don't even see him take down the hood. He has a voice for Meowaxel."

"And you were griping about the ribbon ceremony. Your sex story is much weirder."

"We don't have phone sex," Roxas's pining despair outweighed his distaste for discussing this kind of thing with Sora who was a dog that never let go of a bone without making a joke about boning. "We have an agreement. He almost crashed a gummi ship once."

"You...while he was driving?" Sora looked impressed and Roxas felt a rare flash of shame.

"New idea?" He pushed through and said the words as if they were a crack of his own.

"Great idea!" Sora's face split into a wide grin and Roxas apologized to Riku internally, the only way he ever did so. Sora grabbed his former Nobody's arm and dragged him to his feet. "Come on. We're going to spy on Axel sparring with Terra. They have a routine. Terra wouldn't deviate from it even knowing people are arriving for the ceremony tonight."

"I am always down to see my baby light someone on fire," Roxas followed Sora down the hill, pliable and, frankly, excited to see Axel as soon as possible.

"Baby? Blech." Sora pulled a face that lasted maybe half a second and rang false while it did, thrilled and supportive as always to see Roxas showing a soft spot, but attempting to play some of Roxas's own attitude back at him.

"Your pet names for Riku are worse...and you should not prove it by listing them." Roxas tacked on the latter part hastily, leaving no room for Sora to start his reign of terror anew.

" There are several riffs on Dream Eater that would make you wish you were as smart as me," Sora huffed, "But that's not what we're here for." He held Roxas back for a second with a thrown out arm, and glanced around the last bend in the hill. Roxas could hear sounds of exertion. Satisfied with what he saw, Sora withdrew the restraining arm in favor of waving his hands like a cheap magician as he ordered Roxas to, "Feast your eyes!"

Roxas ignored Sora's theatrics and stepped around him, only to stop short when he ended up following the other man's order despite himself. His eyes were feasting and there was an entire buffet in the form of Axel, stripped to the waist and hair up in a messy bun with damp loose tendrils stuck to the back of his neck, twisting away to avoid a strike by Terra (in his weird black spandex shirt like always, showing off for who the hell knew or cared) and using the momentum to whirl the rest of the circle and carry out his own blow, the flex and spring back of newly defined muscles Roxas had missed the development of covered by freckled skin that didn't quite make the definition of tan but had been cultivated into a tone more golden than ghost pale translucent on display. The first dish was broad shoulders that had always  been there, but no longer existed just to make clothes hang smoothly like they did on a clothes hanger now that they were attached to the freshly carved meat station--arms that bulged and Roxas was going to declare illegal to ever hide under bunched neon fleece or a thick black coat again. He'd call Axel's new abs the salad bar because he wanted to charge like a bull and then start grazing, but they could also be the drink station because there was definitely a six pack there much more appealing than the beer Hayner had developed a fondness for, and Roxas was remarkably thirsty looking at them. Axel's waist was still comparatively small (Dorito. Delicious. More buffets should include snack food on the side. Jokes weren't over. The man was a snack.) but then there was perhaps the most shocking addition of all had popped into existence below it.

"Bite the buns and have a popsicles for dessert," Roxas whispered under his breath, awed, unable to even be embarrassed by half consciously daydreaming out loud because his eyes had continued their journey and found out there was now meat on the stork (too long to be chicken) drumsticks Axel walked around on.

"Think he's safe from the wind now?" Sora taunted.

"Time for you to leave." Roxas shook himself out of his daze to return fully to the present.

"What?"

"Run up to the castle," Roxas gave the same order in new phrasing as he walked on ahead and waved to Terra, yelling, "Time to leave."

The scene that ensued was bordering on comical as Terra froze, caught off guard and was smacked full in the face with head turning force by the flat of Axel's keyblade, an act that was accompanied by an apologetic, "Oh shit!" and widened eyes that spoke to Axel trying to cut his actions short but being unable to stop the blow, just lessen it. Terra stumbled and Axel reached out to steady him, but then appeared to change his mind or become irrevocably distracted halfway through as Roxas's presence sank in fully. His keyblade disappeared in a shower of sparks, Terra fell, and the lovers ran to be reunited. 

Roxas found himself lifted off the ground like he weighed nothing and his soul left his body, leaving him not responsible for the happily sighed word that he used to greet Axel, "Arms."

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

Californian Dream (Pt. 04 of 11)

Pairing: Billy Hargrove X Reader

Word count: 3 K

Summary: Being part of one of the richest families of California doesn't mean you're happy. Your life is boring, and you're surrounded by meaningless people and their meaningless talk. Even during Summer, with the break you have from college, there's nothing good going on. Nothing but the new pool guy, Billy, the most handsome man you ever saw. You were successfully avoiding him, not wanting to act like an idiot in front of the guy until Billy accepts to be your date for a fancy gala you're forced to attend. The night was going well, even better when he sneaked you out to go to the beach. But a gang of criminals breaks into the party, kidnapping the heirs to the wealthiest families, which includes you. So, for your safety, your parents want you to stay with Billy, living in his apartment until the criminals are caught. And that could take weeks, maybe even months.

Warnings: Light violence

<- Previous part (03)

Next part (05) ->

{Stranger Things Masterlist}

{Dacre Montgomery Masterlist}

×

Distance

In the morning, you tiptoe to the living room, but everything you find of Billy is a small note left on the kitchen table. He's at work and must be back by 5 or 6 pm. He said you can make something for lunch, and that he'll bring dinner. So, now that you're alone, you can't help but think. The names of those who died to keep playing back, and Gisele's is the one that comes louder. You feel bad for all the times you were mean to her, when you left her talking alone, storming away. But it's useless to feel this way now. It won't bring her back.

You're pacing around the living room, the news channel on, as they repeat the same things over and over. When you put both hands on your head, out of desperation, you feel as Billy's shirt lifts a little, exposing your thighs. And you realize you'll need clothes. And all your personal stuff. “Ame.” You mutter, going to the phone and calling home. As usual, it's Amelia who answers, and she squeals, happy to know you're fine. After telling her everything that happened and where you'll be staying, you start giving the instructions. Well, she's the one to point out what you'll need and how to cover up who you are.

The goal is to remain hidden, but you won't be stuck inside the apartment. So you need to look different, and for that, Amelia advises you to buy new clothes, normal clothes, instead of using the ones you have. And she kindly offers to buy everything you'll need and bring them over later today. She'll also bring all of your personal stuff. And money. Amelia tells you to keep some money with you, in case you need it. You're not sure what for, but you agree.

She gets here after lunch, with three huge pieces of baggage, and she helps you drag them to Billy's bedroom. Then, after you change out of Billy's shirt, she shows off the last part of her plan. Amelia wants to dye your hair and cut off a few inches. You don't think it's necessary, but she's worried about the situation, and for the sake of the woman who raised you, you let her do it. Once she's done, she helps you clean the bathroom before leaving, giving you a tight hug and asking you to keep in touch and be careful.

Then the rest of the day is pretty boring. You do give some trips to the bathroom, just to check the hair. It's nice having your natural color back, but you never thought it would be in these circumstances.

You're watching the news again, seating on the couch, when the door opens. Turning your head, you give Billy a small smile. When his eyes find you, he furrows his eyebrows. It takes a while for you to understand why the confused expression.

“Oh! It was Amelia.” Quickly, you explain, standing on your feet and noticing the pizza he brought. “I called her and she helped me get some stuff done and well...” You gesture at your hair. “I've been bleaching it since Elementary school so I bet nobody will recognize me now. Amelia is probably the only one who remembers my natural color but... This is it.” You're speaking too much, and maybe a little too fast, but you're not sure why. “What do you think?”

He squints his eyes, moving to put the pizza on the table. “I think you're already planning on going out.” Well, obviously. He can't possibly expect you to stay locked up in here.

“I was talking about the hair, but ok.” Shrugging your shoulders, you gesture at the pizza. “Can I eat it?”

“Yeah. I'll take a shower.”

“I'll wait for you then.”

“Alright.” Billy stands there for a few seconds, awkwardly, before walking to the bedroom. “The hair is good, by the way.”

“Thanks.” You mutter, smiling a little.

“(Y/N)!” He calls out suddenly, startling you. “Why is there a bag full of money on my bed?”

“Oh!” Rushing to his bedroom, you find a very confused Billy. You left the dark blue bag on the edge of the bed, and you completely forgot about it. “Amelia said I should have money with me, just in case I need it.” Running a hand through your hair, you sigh. “But, uhm, if you need or want to buy something, you can, I mean... It's fifty-seven thousand dollars.” Reaching out inside that bag, you take one of the many piles. “Every pile has one thousand... So if I fall and break a bone you can use it to pay the hospital.

“Break a bone? Should I worry about that?”

“Just trying to light up the mood.” Giggling, you glance at him. “I won't jump from the window or anything. And those are my things.” You gesture, at the pieces of luggage. “Amelia got me new clothes. Normal clothes, not the expensive ones my mother makes me buy.”

“Amelia has everything figured out.”

“She does... I'll let you do your stuff.” Nodding to yourself, you walk away. You can't help but feel a little weird with all this, and the sensation of being nothing but a bother to Billy is starting to kick in.

You patiently wait for him, watching the news again. And the content of the tape was finally made known. And it's not good. Everyone was expecting a normal rescue. They'd say how much they want, get paid, and let the kids go. But apparently, that's not how it'll be.

“(Y/N).” The mention of your name startles you, your heart skipping a beat, and that's when you notice how focused you were. “Everything alright?”

“No.” You breathe out as Billy turns the TV off. “They have thirteen kids, right? It means they want thirteen parts. They'll let the media know how much, and when they get paid, they'll release one. Whoever they want. It doesn't mean that the Whaylands will get James out if they pay up.”

“These guys know what they're doing.” Billy looks down, thoughtful. “This will create chaos between the families.”

“Yeah... I'm even glad I'm stuck here because I wouldn't want to be anywhere near that mess.” Standing from the couch, you move to the kitchen table. “Can I?”

“Sure.”

Drumming your fingers on the table, you sit down, thinking about everyone they got. Alice, James, Daniel. Melissa, Candace. Michael, Antony, and Ryan. There are more... But you can't remember. Where are they now? Are they hungry? Are they being treated nicely? You doubt it. By the violence those men showed, they're not being nice. It could've been you, who knows where now, maybe starving, terrified... They're not your friends. They're just people you know, but still, you want them all back, alive and well. You want to hug them, to talk to them again, even if it means being part of their superficial conversations. You just want to have the chance to.

“Hey,” Billy calls, and you snap out of your thoughts, noticing you were biting your lip too harshly. “You ok?”

“Yeah.” Muttering, you take a slice of pizza, taking a bite.

“What did you have for lunch?” The question comes in a careful tone. Low and steady. He knows what you're thinking about.

But you can't answer it. It only hits you now that you haven't eaten anything all day, and the pain in your stomach is only surrendering because you're eating now. So you clear your throat, giving Billy a look. “Uhm... I haven't.”

“What?” He puts his slice down, a serious face on. “Couldn't you find anything you like?”

“That's not it I... I was watching the news all day and the police did next to nothing.” Gesturing at the TV, you sigh. “And I just can't understand how those big ass vans just disappeared into the night. It's just... One of the three people who were in the hospital died. Five of those working in the kitchens died in the explosion. They found the bodies today, and I just... I just wasn't hungry...” Maybe you should just say the last part. Billy doesn't need to know how desperate you feel.

“(Y/N), you gotta eat. What would your father say if he knew–”

“Billy, I need you to stop thinking about my father.” Cutting him off, you push some of your hair back, out of your face. He has to stop doing that. You don't want to be a job, you don't want him to see you as someone he has to look after. “What? Do you think I'll give him daily reports on my routine?” Making a pause, you take another bite, now a little annoyed. When you swallow it down, you stare at Billy again. “Day one. I woke up in Billy's bed, wearing one of his shirts. He left a cute note. I spent the whole day watching the news, freaking out a little, crying a little. Them Billy came back and brought me pizza.” You make sure to sound as annoyed as you feel. “Day two...”

“Maybe you should do that.” He says, those blue eyes locked on yours. Why is he staring at you like that, so intensely? Is he doing that thing again, trying to understand you? Because he always succeeds.

“Maybe you're crazy.” Shaking your head, you focus on the pizza again, silently finishing your slice. It might be so weird for him. Billy doesn't bring girls here, and here you are, invading his private life, stealing his bed. “The bed is yours today.”

“Alright.”

“Yeah...” As you take a second slice, you remember the gala. From the moment he picked you up until right before the explosion. It was easy talking to Billy, you didn't have to think before speaking. It was... Good. Effortless. You couldn't stop smiling, and you did wish you could hang out with him more. You felt free from all the rules and regulations, finally able to be someone genuine. Not the fake version you present to people.

But now... It's weird, uncomfortable. You did expect it to change as the days go by, but it didn't.

You started to count, obviously. Day three, day four... And it only got worse, if that's even possible. He always brings something to dinner, and you eat silently on the kitchen table, only to sit on the couch for a while, as far from the other as possible, and watch TV in silence. It's like two strangers sharing a roof, and you slowly give up the idea of this being something good. It isn't. Billy doesn't want you here, that's pretty clear. And it got even more obvious after the weekend. You told him he could go out if he wanted to, but he didn't. And it was just the same. Few words were spoken, a cold distance kept. He's like someone else entirely, not the same Billy from the beach.

And on the eighth day, you had enough. So you wait for Billy to go to bed, since it's his turn, and wait an hour before tiptoeing to the phone. Amelia is the only one you can talk to, whose advice you trust. So you call the private line she keeps in her bedroom, nervously biting your lip as you wait for her to pick up.

“Hello. Who's this?”

“Ame. It's me.” You whisper, giving the hall a look before turning around, leaning against the wall. “I'm sorry to call so late but I needed to talk.”

“Of course, honey. You know you can call me whenever you need.” When you were at the house, you used to bug her even late at night when you needed help, or just to rant about something. She was always there. “What's going on?”

“Uhm... Ame, this... This isn't working. Living with Billy is... Complicated.”

“Why?” You hear something in the back, maybe a glass being put down. “I remember you were getting along just fine since the day he saved you from drowning.” She giggles. “I saw you going around with him, laughing and chatting.”

Sighing, you shake your head a little. It was different back then. You don't know how, but you know it was. “Yeah, but he just... It just...” Damn it. Of all people you know, if you had to pick someone to do this, as crazy and insane as it is, you'd pick Billy. In any other house, those mansions, you'd have to act on your best behavior, participate in those formal rites for every meal, be always polite and kind. Here, you thought it would be better. You thought you'd have fun, as you used to on those days, with funny comments and quick remarks. Now... You don't know. “Billy doesn't want me here.” You burst out, keeping your voice low.

“Why do you think that?”

“He's just... Distant. Cold.” Why does it bother you so much? The Billy you met before was the one treating you as his boss. One of the owners of one of the houses he works on. What did you think? That he'd keep the act? “I'm an inconvenience. He's just doing that because my father will pay him in the end and no, I have no idea why it bothers me so much, but I just... I thought it'd at least be nice, but it isn't so...”

“(Y/N), Billy is a guy. I'm sure he's just making sure you don't feel uncomfortable.” She speaks slow, and you start bouncing your leg nervously.

“Amelia, I don't want him to fall in love with me, ok? I just thought we'd become friends or something like that.” The words come out fast, and you're a little pissed. “Billy doesn't want me here.” You repeat.

“Why does it bother you so much?”

“Because I had a nice time with him.” You burst out, throwing your free hand in the air. “He's so different from the idiots I'm surrounded by. I don't have to fake it, I can just say the stupid things that come to my head and I never had anyone I could be myself with. And God, I was so stupid to think this would be fun, or...” Taking a deep breath, your voice fades as you collect your thoughts. Moving from the wall, you start pacing around. “I'll just look for some apartment to rent, Ame. I don't want to be–” The sentence is cut short when you see a figure standing by the end of the table. Your eyes go wide, a hand on your heart as you recognize Billy, arms crossed, his eyes on you. “Ame, I'll have to go. Talk to you tomorrow?”

“Alright, honey. Try talking to Billy before making any decisions.”

“Ok. Good night.” You mumble before hanging up. Swallowing hard, you step back, leaning against the countertop. “Did you... Hear anything?” That's a stupid question, of course he did. He wouldn't be looking so pissed if he didn't. But it doesn't matter. This gotta be over soon, so you both will feel better.

“From the very beginning.” He says, tilting his head at the phone. “Heard you talking to someone and decided to check.”

“Ok.” Nodding to yourself, you look down at your feet. “I was thinking and I believe it will better if I look for some place I can rent around here. But don't worry, I won't tell my father so you'll still be paid.” As you speak, you make your way back to the couch, but Billy grabs your arm, forcing you to stop.

“So you think I don't want you here,” Billy mutters, his face lit up by the bluish light coming from the TV. He's gorgeous, so gorgeous that it's hard to say something to his face.

“That's crystal clear, Billy.” Giving your arm a pull, he let it go. “You said it yourself, you don't bring girls to your place and you were forced into having me here and I totally get that you don't like it.” Turning your back at him, you sit on the couch, eyes on the TV, but not paying any attention.

“You got it wrong.”

“I don't think so.”

“I just...” He makes a pause, so long it makes you look up at him. “I'm trying to give you some space.”

“Well, you gave me so much space it actually feels like I'm living alone.” Angrily, you move to lie down, fixing the blanket on your legs. “It'll better if I just move out.”

“Listen, I know you don't like this place.” Billy turns the TV off, and if it wasn't for the dim light coming from the street, you'd be in complete darkness. “It's tiny, your bedroom is bigger than this apartment.”

“How could you possibly know that?”

“Remember when the railing of your balcony was broken by a storm? I fixed it.”

You remember it. There was a huge summer storm, and a branch was ripped from a nearby tree, knocking down half of your railing. When you came back home on the next day, it was fixed. But you'd never guess it was Billy. “Thanks.”

“You don't have to thank me for doing my job.”

“Goddamn it, Billy.” Kicking the blankets away, you stand up. “Stop treating me like some rich chick! Stop putting words in my mouth and stop saying I can't thank you for doing something!” You're yelling, despite the late hour. The neighbors won't like it. “You never asked me what I think about your place so you can't possibly know if I like it or not. And yes, thank you for fixing my railing, thank you for keeping my pool clean, for cleaning the leaves, for... Hell, for sheltering me! But it's getting tiring. I thought you'd treat me like a normal girl like you did on the beach, but I get it now that it was just an act so I'll just leave.” That said, you're already in motion, not sure why. But you're unlocking the door and storming out, furious, easily finding the stairs and rushing down.

“(Y/N)!” Ignoring Billy, you don't stop, wiping some tears that escaped when you push the building doors open, the fresh night air making your breath in deeply.

You're overwhelmed. There's nothing new about the kidnappings. The criminals asked two million dollars for the first kid, but that was it. The police can't seem to get any closer to finding them, and the same goes to the many private investigators on the case. And the only good thing that came out of this shit, being with the only person on Earth with who you felt like you could be yourself, backfired. You feel stupid, deceived. Walking down the sidewalk, you roll your eyes when you hear the building doors banging, quickening your pace.

“(Y/N).”

“You wanted to give me space. Then give me some freaking space.” Your voice is cracking, which only makes you feel more like an idiot.

“Alright. I'm sorry, ok?” He raises his voice, and soon enough he's grabbing your arm. But you push him away until he let it go. “I shouldn't assume you would turn out to be like the other girls. You're not like any of the rich kids I met.”

“You don't have to do it now. You made everything very clear.”

“Would you listen?” Billy furrows his eyebrows, stepping back, a hand on his head. “I have this habit of expecting the worse, it always kept me from being caught with the guard down. But I'll admit I was wrong about you.” Avoiding his gaze, you pace around, not sure if you want to believe it. “I had a nice time with you too. That was the worst party I've ever been to, but it was good to know there's someone from their world who isn't completely rotten on the inside.”

You don't know why but the insult makes you giggle. But it's only because he's right. The fact that they're being held hostage doesn't change how some of those people are mean and rude. Their situation doesn't change who they are. And, being born into what Billy called ‘their world’, made you see the worst side of everyone. Money corrupts weak minds, you've seen it. The more they have, the more they want.

“Fine then...” Finally turning to face him, you sigh. “What now?”

Billy reaches out his hand, and you look at it, not moving yet. “First, let's get inside. You're in pajamas in the middle of the sidewalk.”

That makes you laugh, looking down and taking in the leggings and the baggy shirt you're wearing which leaves one of your shoulders exposed. “My mother would literally squeal if she saw me now.”

“She doesn't have to know.” That makes you smile even more, and you feel like you just got a glimpse of the Billy you were with at the beach. So you take his hand, breathing in, and letting him guide you back inside.

×

@multific @dontxfearxthereaper @nope-thanks @nikkixostan @shinydixon @clockworkballerina @infinitelycharmed23

[irenadel]

i wanna talk books so I made a meme

@doorsclosingslowly here’s the answers to your questions :)

6. If you read in more than one language, is there a difference between the experience of reading in your native language(s) and reading in other languages?

Virginia Woolf has a great quote in A Room of One’s Own where she says that women writers need to develop their own “sentence” and that this can only be developed through creating a tradition of female writing. She says that while reading male writers is pleasurable, it isn’t useful for the female writer, that she can’t learn from the way men write. Their “sentence” isn’t suitable for female writing. I’m.... unsure of how much I agree with her on this but I find the theory useful for describing how I approach literature in Spanish vs English.

Especially in terms of language, not so much in regards to narrative or worldbuilding or even themes, I find Spanish to be pleasurable but not useful. I very rarely find myself reading something in Spanish and thinking “ooooh, I wish I could do that! I want to steal that! How did they come up with this?” The “sentence” for writing in Spanish isn’t one I recognize or want to imitate... except maybe for VERY few exceptions like Carlos Fuentes and Borges. Whereas I can spend a lot of time reading English un-selfconsciously and then suddenly be struck by a turn of phrase that I must somehow or other make my own. That almost never happens to me when reading Spanish.

9. Fiction or non-fiction or both? In what ratio? Where do you draw the line between the two?

Oh god, this is embarassing. Erm... fiction to a fault. On 2020 and 2019 I did try to make a concerted effort to read more nonfiction, ESPECIALLY more popular science books. I still kind of childishly consider myself to not be “smart like that” and that science isn’t for me, because I don’t understand it. I used to think science fiction wasn’t for me, for similar reasons. When I do read nonfiction it tends to be history and literary criticism.

I’m finishing my degree on English literature and though I had a period of hating hard on literary criticism, I think it was mostly me rebelling against the French brand of it. I HAVE to admit I love reading new historicism, especially now that I’m working on my dissertation and I had to read a lot on Elizabethan and Jacobean theatre.

Hopefully 2021 will be the year I read a bit more science.

11. The worst book hangover you’ve ever had

Augh... I remember two in recent years. Let me see... in 2017 I finished the last book in the Realm of the Elderlings. I had read the first book in the series around maybe the mid 2000s. I devoured it in a single weekend, still hungry for more of the story. I did not have access to the rest of the trilogy for a couple of years after, but as soon as I got them I read them as fast as I could. I remember reading those books during class, pretending to pay attention to a lecture on Linguistics but actually fully engrossed in Robin Hobb’s world.

It’s a world that was with me for more than 10 years. Characters that I knew intimately from multiple re-readings for more than 10 years. My dissertationg is about the first trilogy for crying out loud! I hadn’t wanted to read the last trilogy and the last book on the trilogy because I didn’t want that connection to end. But finally I gave in...

It was a book hangover because I was reading late at night when I realized, halfway through the book, a character I loved deeply was probably going to die and I just HAD to know, I HAD to be sure. So I read through the night going from disbelief to anger, to grief, to grim acceptance. I wasn’t able to put down the book until 11 am the next day, by which point I was openly sobbing and would have thrown the book across the room except I think I was reading in my computer.

The second book hangover I remember was less because of sprinting through the book and more because of the circumstances. Last December I had decided to finish as many books I could in hopes of reaching my Good Reads goal (which I didn’’t) and I was going through His Dark Materials pretty quickly when on the 25th I got the news that my grandmother died. I wasn’t able to go see her at the hospital or at a funeral, or even go see my dad and uncles because she had died of covid-19 and the situation was still pretty dire in the city.

Then Philip Pullman decided to be an absolute asshole to me and the characters in his book arrived to the Land of the Dead. Being an atheist fantasy series and me having just recently come to terms with the fact that I’m not even agnostic... it was very tough to go through Pullman’s exploration of mortality and the importance of life on Earth. I agreed completely that materiality and the here-and-now far outweigh any contemplations of an afterlife... but my grandmother had died very suddenly.... she had still been a pretty strong old lady before she contracted covid... I had spoken to her a couple of days before and she was still strong enough to bitch about litter getting inside her room...

I finished The Amber Spyglass in a rush as well and somehow it got mixed with my mourning process and my anger at myself for having taken my grandmother’s life for granted... for not having cherished the materiality of her existence when I had the chance... I hadn’t finished writing my dissertation’s first draft yet and there were some heavy issues going on in my household.... I was exhausted from having to survive the year and I think I still am... and it all mixed up with the bittersweet ending of Pullman’s His Dark Materials and the inevitability of loss... all I remember from between the 25th and the 31st of December 2020 was exhaustedly reheating Christmas food, trying to write, and slogging through The Amber Spyglass... it feels like it was a week-long literary hangover...

14. The book that, in hindsight, really should have clued you in to the fact that you’re _________ (queer/in love/doomed to be an academic/etc)

So this is slightly NSFW but I should have known, and stopped being such a snob about it, that I had WAY MORE in common with the furries than I cared to admit given that my first impression of Smaug the Golden when reading The Hobbit at the tender age of 8 was “wow! he’s dreamy!” *facepalm *(also betraying a worrying tendency to crushing on irredeemable assholes and other miscellaneous villains...) I have accepted my status as a weird monsterfucker AND a weird alienfucker. Inhuman anatomy makes me hot, and I should have known it from DAY ONE!

23. The book you expected to hate, didn’t, and then got angry about not hating

The Hunger Games, which I’m STILL salty about and will probably remain salty about for the rest of my life.

I hateread it because a friend told me about how he hated it, given his bitter ex loved it and though I agree with all his criticisms and have a bunch of my own... I still cannot stop finding stupid Katniss profoundly likeable! CURSES! A pox upon your house Suzanne Collins! I still think your dystopia is a cowardly, white-lady-who-has-never-feared-state-violence dystopia, I still think your love triangle was absolutely unnecessary and I still think you tried to cop out of admitting you (and your character) like pretty dresses by making the pretty dresses compulsory. Be brave! Don’t give me this “I’m not like other girls” bullshit! Be brave! Make your violent spectacle reality show as a criticism of the USA’s consumerism and callousness a voluntary thing! Don’t wash your heroine’s hands clean of the sin of wanting fame and fortune and survival at all costs!

But... fuck... I... still like Katniss... I’m glad little girls in 2008 got a heroine who kicked ass, looked good and wasn’t a perfectly strong and powerful person all the time. I’m glad they got competence and vulnerability... Fuck my life...

31. Bonus question: rec me something!

This is hard... since I get the feeling we have very different tastes in reading material but... If you haven’t heard of the Vampire: The Masquerade roleplaying game (or even if you have) take a crack at the Baali Clanbook. Even if you don’t understand the game mechanics I think you’ll enjoy the history portion because it’s about a clan of devil-worshipping vampires who do their devil worshipping through implanting evil insects on people... and I suspect it might be up your alley...

[kusunogatari]

[ ObiRyū October | Day Twenty-Five | Pent Up ] [ @abyssaldespair ] [ Uchiha Obito, Suigin Ryū, Nohara Rin, Hatake Kakashi ] [ Verse: Best Years of Your Life ] [ Vulgarity, blood ]

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Why, why, why is it so hard to keep ahold of his temper…?!

So much more seems to grate at his patience than it used to when he was younger. Sounds, touches, even smells can start chipping at his mood, making him more and more agitated until something has to give. It’s like his brain has turned into a ticking time bomb, randomly exploding when just the right criteria are met.

Needless to say...it’s made most people wary of him. And now that he’s starting his senior year back in the district he once hailed from, he’s especially wary of being labeled dangerous, unstable, a freak.

He’s already embarrassed himself once. The pool party, barbeque, whatever that Rin invited him to ended in disaster when he had one of his seizures. Right in front of everyone...they all just stared in horror as he seized up, plunging into the pool.

But then the girl who lived there had dragged him up, spurring the rest of them into action. The damage, however, had already been done. By now he’s sure everyone already knows about it before he even steps foot into the high school this morning.

...he just has to stay calm.

Finding his locker, he ignores the dubious looks he gets, the whispers that seem to follow him. Even at the reformative school he’d been transferred to after his accident had seen him an odd one out, mostly due to his appearance...but his breakdowns and spasms hadn’t helped, either. By now it’s all just white noise, fiddling with the combination lock on his locker door.

“Hey!”

Half a second late, Obito realizes he recognizes that voice, if only vaguely. A turn shows the girl from yesterday...Ryū? Admittedly he remembers almost nothing about her - only that she used to tag along with Rin when they were younger, and how much harder that made getting the other girl alone.

...of course that doesn’t matter now. Rin’s with Kakashi, for...some reason.

He just blinks at her, watching her approach with her books clutched to her chest.

In turn, she offers a smile. “So, you made it. How are you feeling today?”

The question earns a reflexive tick of annoyance. He gets really sick of people asking him that, but...there’s a genuine concern in her expression most people tend to lack. Usually they’re more exasperated than actually worried. “...I’m fine. Stiff, but it’ll pass.”

“Ah, good...that must have been so scary…”

“I’m used to it. It’s been happening for five years.”

Further sympathy wilts her brows. “...that must be really tough.”

He doesn’t have an answer, simply grunting and opening the door once the lock gives way.

“Well...if you need anything, let me know! Maybe I’ll see you in some classes?”

“I doubt it. Most of mine are pretty low ones compared to a lot of seniors.” And surely she’s not at his held-back level. She seems pretty smart, from what he can tell.

There’s a small awkward pause. “Oh...well, maybe a club…? I’ve been in the theater club since I was a freshman. It’s a lot of fun! But there’s a lot of others too, if you’re looking for something to do.”

Ugh, clubs...aren’t classes bad enough? “I’ll think about it.”

She seems to realize he’s getting annoyed. “Well...okay! I’ll, um...I’ll see you later, Obito. Have a good morning!”

He watches her go. Is she really one of those people that’s constantly peppy and good-natured? Isn’t that...exhausting? Well, whatever. He better get to first period. Last thing he needs is to be late on the first day. People are going to have enough reason to give him crap.

Thankfully he doesn’t have any confrontations on the way there, taking a back row seat and folding arms atop his desk to rest his chin. He’s barely been here ten minutes and he’s already sick of it.

...but he told his grandmother he’d try. She’s so eager to see him graduate from a proper school. All Obito can think is that he hopes she lives that long. She’s not exactly a spring chicken anymore. Out of everyone in his life right now...she’s his rock. The one person he never gets angry with, never gets upset by. Sachiko feels like the only reason he’s been keeping it together.

Even his old friends have clearly changed. Rin, while still friendly, seems a bit more...conscious about talking to him. Especially when Kakashi’s around. And Kakashi’s still quick to butt heads with him over practically nothing. Like yesterday with Rin’s invite to the party. It would have pissed him off...if Rin hadn’t rolled over for him so easily.

...he can’t expect them to be the same, but...he’ll admit, he’s not a fan of these changes. He knows things can’t be the same, but...even Rin no longer feels like a friend.

...maybe this whole ‘coming back’ thing was a mistake.

Morning classes pass in a bit of a fog, Obito in no way motivated to pay much attention. He just wants to check off this day from what will surely be a very long list of days until the year ends. The sooner that gets here, the happier he’ll be.

Come lunch, he’s realizing he’s now going to have to confront a few things. One being the crowds, and the noise. Another being trying to find a seat

Cuz he knows no one’s going to want to sit by -

“Obito!”

Jolting a bit with his tray in hand, he spots Ryū waving at him from a table. Nearby, both Kakashi and Rin seem to hesitate.

That narrows his eyes...but he decides to sit anyway. If they’re going to treat him like a stranger, he’ll just do the same. He doesn’t need them. He doesn’t need anyone. They want to distance themselves from him? Fine.

Instead, he sits next to Ryū.

“How were your classes?”

“Boring. But about what I expected.” He pointedly avoids looking at the other pair, working on getting his food arranged on his tray. “You?”

“I already have homework in two classes, but...hopefully it won’t be too bad.” There’s a mild silence, Ryū seeming to notice the awkward air between the three former friends. “...what about you guys? Any hard classes this morning?”

“I had three AP classes but that’s usual,” Kakashi replies, also obviously ignoring Obito. “Schedule’s pretty full, but it’ll be fine. Need them for my college apps.”

Across from him, Obito scowls at the casual bragging.

“Rin?” Ryū gives a bit of a strained smile.

“Nothing too, uh...bad. Pretty typical. One homework assignment so far. Also not sure what club I want to join...I liked gardening club last year but apparently the damage to the greenhouse from that storm over the Summer means it’s cancelled for this semester at least.” Rin’s mouth falls into a disappointed frown. “So I dunno if I should wait, or...join something else in the meantime. Cuz depending on repairs and stuff, it might not happen at all.”

“Aww! That really sucks...you could join theater!”

At that, Rin gives a short laugh. “I...don’t think so. Not really the acting type, and...it’d be weird being there just one semester or one year. You guys are a pretty close-knit group, right?”

“Well, yeah. But we welcome new freshmen every year!”

“Mm...I’ll think about it.”

“What about you, Obito?” Ryū asks, turning to him. “Want to join any clubs?”

“Or you could play a sport!”

“Not sure a sport is a good idea with my condition,” Obito replies, making Rin balk.

“O-oh...right. Sorry…”

“Well, doing some kind of extracurricular activity is good for your educational resume,” Kakashi offers nonchalantly.

“Not sure my educational resume is really going to impress anybody, given the circumstances,” Obito retorts, looking annoyed.

“Doesn’t mean you should just give up.”

“I’ll do whatever the hell I want.”

“Hey, guys, it’s fine,” Ryū cuts in, a placating hand rising. “Everybody does high school differently. APs or not, clubs or not, it’s whatever.”

“Yeah I only got into one AP this year,” Rin confirms with a nod before shooting Kakashi a look.

All the while, Obito tries to keep a hold on his temper. He can tell Kakashi is just trying to get a rise out of him. And while he already has pent up anger concerning the other boy, he doesn’t want to let it win.

So he instead focuses on deep, even breaths while the girls try to diffuse the situation. Now, if only it weren’t so loud in the cafeteria...it’s grating on his nerves.

“I’m gonna go get ready for class,” Kakashi eventually relents, standing and taking his half-empty tray with him.

“Kakashi -!” Looking a bit flabbergasted, Rin tries to call him back to no avail. “...I dunno what’s gotten into him today!”

“Just his typical asshole self,” Obito mutters. “Has to boss everyone else around, has to make himself look good when no one gives a shit.”

“I think he is worried about what you’re going to do after graduation,” Rin replies, looking a little nervous. “I mean...you’ve got an uphill battle ahead of you, given your...um...setbacks.”

Obito’s expression only sours, temper fraying further. “Well he doesn’t have to be such a shithead about it.”

“...it’s just...going to take some adjusting, y’know? Everyone...being back together. We’ve all changed, right?”

That does it. Appetite ruined, Obito stands without a word and dumps the rest of his food, tossing the tray into the wash pit.

Behind him, the girls both jolt in surprise. But only one gets up to follow him.

“Obito!”

He doesn’t stop, shoulders hunched and hands in his pockets as Ryū jogs to catch up.

“Don’t listen to Kakashi, he’s just -?”

“Just a massive prick and a pain in my ass,” Obito growls. He can feel the embers of his temper starting to flicker with flame.

“I’m sorry...you didn’t have to sit with them. I just figured -?”

“It wasn’t your fault. You -” You’ve been nothing but nice to me. “...Kakashi’s picked fights with me since we were kids. And...I’ve picked fights back. We’re just not meant to be around each other that much. Don’t worry about it.”

Managing to come around to his front, Ryū cuts off his path, expression guilty. “...still. I...should have read the room.”

“I didn’t have to sit there. It was my choice.”

“...well...tomorrow we’ll sit somewhere else, okay? That way it won’t happen again.”

Sighing, he stares at her. “...why are you being so nice to me?”

The question seems to take her aback. “W...why wouldn’t I?”

“Cuz no one else seems to want to.”

“Well everyone else are just a bunch of jerks. I know this is awkward...for everybody. And maybe Rin’s right, maybe things have changed, but…” She sighs. “...you still deserve to be treated kindly, and given a chance to meld back into things here. So I’m, at least, going to try to help you do that.”

It’s his turn to exhale, far more curtly than her. “...just pisses me off. Rin invited me yesterday, and then let Kakashi walk all over her. She just...abandoned me when she was the only reason I showed up! Then today she lets him say all that shit, and only stutters out excuses. She’s letting Kakashi blindside her.”

“...maybe she is. But...she might come around! You guys just...have to get reacquainted. And that’s not going to be easy. For now, I guess all you can do is...just try to be patient. See how things go. Maybe they’ll settle down, and...maybe they won’t. Only way to know is to try. In the meantime. I’m not going anywhere.”

For a moment he scoffs. She’s not going anywhere, is she? The person he knows the least out of this group? But...then again, maybe that’s a good thing. Whereas he has soured memories and expectations for Kakashi and Rin, Ryū is...a blank slate. Known only briefly. Vaguely.

And already making a good impression.

So despite his original intention to blow her off, he sighs. “...guess you’re right.”

“...I think for now, you guys should give each other some space. Kinda...ease into it, you know? I mean...five years apart is a long time. Trying to act like all that time didn’t pass will only make this more difficult. Take a little while for yourself. Get settled in overall, then you can worry about anything else.”

He considers that silently.

...that is until a pack of unruly freshmen make their way down the hall.

Loud, obnoxious, and clearly not yet learning any respect, they push through between the pair. Ryū, slighter in frame, stumbles back and slams into the wall, head knocking with a hollow thunk.

Something in Obito clenches.

“Watch it!” the ringleader taunts, pulling a face. That is, until Obito grabs him by the shirt front. “Whoa whoa whoa!”

“Apologize,” the Uchiha growls, ignoring the sudden attention they’re getting.

“Jesus man, you look like you got into a fight with a weed trimmer and lost! What the fuck is wrong with your face?”

Clutching her head, Ryū looks up with a wince before panicking.

“Funny, I was just going to ask you that. Cuz you look like a little prick that just got decked in the nose.”

“Wha-?”

With a crunch, Obito reels back and...does just that. The freshman falls to the floor hard, clutching at his face.

“What the fuck, man? What the fuck?!”

“You hurt my friend. Seems only fair you get a taste of your own medicine. And I’m really tempted to teach you a second lesson…!” His heartbeat is rushing in his ears, his whole body hot with anger. All he can focus on is the blood on this little asshole’s chin...and how much more he’d like to see.

“Obito, stop!” Ryū pulls at his arm, trying to waylay him.

“You’re gonna regret -!”

“Stop!” Desperate, Ryū instead steps right in his path, latching onto him tightly. Face in his chest, she clings arms around to his back.

He freezes.

“...don’t. It’s not worth it. He’s just some little punk. You’ve done enough!”

Blinking, Obito feels the heat receding. His tensed form slowly goes limp.

And all around him are staring eyes, whispering mouths, pointing fingers. But what tops it all off is seeing both Rin and Kakashi. The former stares in horror. The latter glowers.

A shaking seems to overcome him. It’s too much, he - he can’t -?

Urging Ryū aside, he flees.

Not one to give up so easily, she follows even as the warning bell rings.

Ironically, his hiding place is the storage room for theater club props.

“...Obito?” Navigating her way around the odds and ends, she finds him crouched in a corner of set pieces. “...hey…” Carefully, she takes a knee beside him. “You all right…?”

“N...no…”

She sighs before just...sitting beside him. “...this has been a really shitty first day, huh…? I’m sorry. How about we just...stay in here for a bit? Let things...settle down?”

“I’m gonna get in so much trouble…! First day back and I’ve already fucked it up! I just...I wanted…” To Obito’s frustration, his voice starts breaking and tears sting at his eyes despite rubbing at them with the backs of his hands. “...I wanted...to get through this. F-for my...for my grandma. She wants me to…”

At that, Ryū softens, laying a hand gently on his arm. “...it’s gonna be okay. I’ll tell the staff what happened. Because to be fair...I did get hurt…”

At her sheepish smile, he looks over, sniffling. “...you okay?”

“My head kinda hurts, but...I’ll be fine. Freshmen are just...brats. Punching them might not be the best way to get them to shape up, but...it is a way,” she admits with a hint of a giggle.

“...I got angry. I shouldn’t have done that, but...I’m just so…!” His hands lift, to bury into his hair, pulling at it in frustration. “...I get so mad! I dunno why!”

Wilting again, Ryū leans against him softly. “If...I had to guess, it probably has to do with your condition. Did you...have any cranial trauma?”

“...yeah…”

“That can really mess with your emotions, depending on where it happened. People even develop new addictions or behaviors after they get hurt like that. But...you can get therapy for it. Maybe...that’s something you could look into?”

“We can’t afford it,” Obito counters bitterly. “...it’s just me and my grandma. She can’t…”

The thought trails off, and Ryū hums in response. “...well...maybe something will come along. But it sounds to me like this anger isn’t entirely your fault. A lot of it probably comes from the trauma you went through during your...your accident. But I bet you can overcome it…! It’ll just take time, and the right resources.”

Obito, knowing he can’t really access the latter, just stays quiet.

“...how do you feel now…?”

“...tired. Frustrated. But I’m not angry anymore. Not for now,” he adds with a sigh.

“That’s good, though! Think you can go back to class…?”

Another sigh, arms folded atop his bent knees to rest his chin. “...I dunno.”

“Then we’ll just stay here a little longer.”

“But you need to get to class.”

“This is more important.”

Obito’s brow furrows, watching as she stands up. More important?

“I’m really excited for the plays this year...we’re going to do Beauty and the Beast this Winter, and then Grease in the Spring! I hope I get good parts, since it’s going to be my last year…” Ryū looks over props from past productions, a fond smile on her face. “...it’s been a lot of fun. I’m going to miss it…”

“...can you do it in college?”

“Maybe. I dunno if I’ll have time, but...I’d like to. If all goes well, I’d like to go into nursing, like Rin. But theater and choir have made me really happy, too. They’re just...not really stable careers,” she adds sheepishly.

“...but they make you happy.”

“...they do.”

Breaking his gaze from her, Obito looks over the props around him. “...did you guys...build these?”

“Mhm. Well...I didn’t. We have people who work on props, or the lighting, or music. It’s not just actors, after all. But we all have a lot of fun.” She looks to him thoughtfully. “...I’d still say you’d enjoy joining us, if you want. Gives you a creative outlet, and you can make some friends! You don’t have to be an actor if you don’t want to. Maybe...stop in a few times, see if you like it? You can always quit if you don’t.” Ryū smiles at him. “But...maybe an outlet would be good for you. Something to think about and look forward to. Something...new. And fun!”

He mulls that over, looking unsure.

“...well, just think about it. We don’t have our first meeting until Wednesday - last period is cancelled so people can look at the clubs and pick one. Maybe you’ll find another one you can do instead, too!”

Almost immediately, Obito pushes that notion aside. If he’s going to do a club...it would probably be this one...if only because he’d already know someone in it. “...okay.”

For a while, Ryū finds some memorable pieces in the room, showing them off and recounting memories about them. Obito finds himself enthralled, glad for something else to think about.

...but all good things have to come to an end.

A knock sounds on the door, the pair of them looking up as the school secretary comes in. Her arms fold. “There you are. You’re both quite tardy to your next classes. And you’re to come to the office about a fight that happened during lunch period.”

Ryū tenses. “Obito wasn’t -!”

The woman holds up a hand. “A few witnesses said the freshman started things when he pushed you and injured your head, and that it ended when mister Uchiha punched the assailant. Both he and the freshman will be serving detention after school today. Guardians have already been called.”

Behind Ryū, Obito’s face falls. So...Sachiko already knows.

“Obito has a medical condition the school needs to take into account,” Ryū retorts. “Ignoring that will be grounds for discrimination for his disability!”

“You can discuss that with the principal,” the secretary retorts. “To the office. Both of you.”

To Obito’s surprise, Ryū glowers the whole way down, arguing quite haughtily with staff once they arrive. Jiraiya has already shown up, listening quietly to his daughter’s arguments.

“Obito shouldn’t be punished, he needs help! Punishing him won’t address the real problem and leave the possibility it happens again!”

“The school is not responsible for mister Uchiha’s health or disabilities,” the principal retorts, waving a hand. “If he has issues, they’re to be handled on his own time to ensure he attends school properly without resorting to violence.”

“And if he doesn’t have the means?”

“It’s still not the school’s responsibility. Obito’s job while here at school is to attend his classes and pass them, and refrain from poor behavior. If he can’t do that, we’ll have to remove him.”

Ryū bristles, but pauses as Sachiko is ushered into the room. Worry tightens the old woman’s face.

Obito’s head bows in shame.

Suddenly feeling overwhelmed, Ryū looks pleadingly to her father.

Glancing between everyone present, Jiraiya heaves a heavy sigh. “...the way I see it, we have a student on our hands that lacks the resources to be able to attend school as he is. Which means we need to get those resources squared away, so he can use the school his granny’s tax dollars pay for, and that he should have the right to use.”

The principal perks a brow.

“If we get the kid into therapy and his behavior improves, he can stay, right?”

“...correct.”

Arms folding over his barrel chest, Jiraiya simply replies, “Then that’s what we’ll do.”

Ryū’s expression brightens, Obito’s slack in shock.

“Oh, sir...you don’t have to -?” Sachiko lifts her hands, looking hesitant.

“Nonsense. Any friend of my daughter’s is a friend of mine. Friends help each other. We’ll get this little snag taken care of, and then everything’ll be fine.” He gives a cool, pointed look to Obito. “...right?”

“R...right.”

Looking exasperated, the principal waves them away. “Just...make sure this doesn’t happen again.”

The four of them then leave the office, Jiraiya talking to Sachiko as the teens idle uncertainly.

“...is he serious?”

“Mhm,” Ryū replies, smiling. “Dad helps a lot with stuff at the school - admittedly he’s...made a good amount of money. So he tries to give back. The party yesterday? That’s one of his ideas. He’s been doing it since I started school. He takes a lot of pride in the community, and maintaining it. I think yesterday already made him realize you need some help.”

“...I don’t -?”

She cuts off Obito’s retort with a hand on his arm. “It’s not pity. It’s help. A tool you can use to succeed. Besides, I’m sure he’ll find a way for you to make it up if you want. I know he hates mowing the lawn, so...expect him to wrangle you into something.” Her expression softens. “...it’s gonna be fine.”

Still looking conflicted, Obito just sighs. He’s not...used to this. How is he supposed to react…?

“Well, you two better get back to class,” Jiraiya then offers. “Sachiko and I are gonna hash some things out. You’ve still got your detention Obito, but that should be it. Just try and keep a lid on that temper until we get something figured out.”

“...yes sir.”

“Then off you scoot!” He ushers them down the hall.

“Well...guess I’ll see you later,” Ryū offers. “Think you’ll be okay?”

“...I guess.”

“I can wait after if you -?”

“No,” he cuts in firmly. “You...you’ve done enough.”

“...okay. Well, I’ll see you after class, then.” She gives a little wave, branching off down another hallway.

Obito watches her go.

“...thank you.”

     Oof, this is very late OTL Almost finished it last night but I just...had a really bad day and an even worse night so I call it quits. Came back with a fresher mind and got it done. Still not 100% sure about it, but it’s done kjdfgjkdhfg      I always struggle with modern and this one felt really hard to write, idk why. I’m not very good at writing grumpy characters kjfdjdhfg but I tried :’D      Anyway I’ve got irl stuff to do so idk if I’ll get more done tonight or not, but I’ll try. Thanks for reading~

[jq37]

The Report Card – Fantasy High Sophomore Year Ep 3

 Thanks, I Hate It!

This week, we move forward by first jumping backwards. Last episode, the Bad Kids found that Riz and Fig were missing. Now, we get to see what happened in the meantime. Riz was in his office, trying to put together anything new on the Nightmare King. We’re reminded that his sword--the Sword of Shadows which he got from the arcade and lets him misty step (also, which he used to kill Kalvaxus)--was made by Tabaxi ninjas (seemingly relevant considering the whole Shadowcat thing). He notices that, in his photo, Kalina’s image doesn’t look as time-worn as the rest of it, as if only the part where she appears was protected. He hears a noise and goes to investigate. What he finds, is a creepy-ass nightmare skeleton person in the mirror claiming to be Baron, from the Baronees (the person he on the fly lied--poorly--that he was dating in ep 1). Respecting the fact that Murph never clarified whether Baron was a guy or a girl, Brennan has Baron exclusively refer to themselves as Riz’s R̵̪̹̄o̸̱͝m̸͔͔̂̽a̴͕̾̈́n̵͙̬͒c̸̣̏͠ḙ̸̃̓ ̶̞̇̕P̸̞͚̈́a̸͉͒͝r̴̛͈͈t̷͓͇̋͒n̸̬͛̈́e̴̮̒r̴̝̃̓ in this mega-cursed, fake Swedish(?) accent.

Thanks, I hate it. 

Riz, faced with his lie brought to life, is pretty freaked and tries to shoot it but he’s quickly subdued and dragged into the mirror. Luckily, he’s able to leave the photo for his friends to find. 

Meanwhile, Fig spent the night in a weird fugue state--almost like an enjoyable nightmare. Most of her focus is on this feeling of isolation, fame, and power--but in a good way. In the background, she’s doing some unimportant stuff. You know, packing her stuff, stealing a gem, trapping Gorthalax in it, and going to Bastion City. No big deal. Anyway, that brings us back to the present with the rest of our party.

They make it to Bastion City and, more importantly, the hotel where Fig is supposed to be. On the way, Adaine tries to detect magic on Sandra-Lynn to try and figure out why she can see the photograph but nothing comes up. At the hotel, they unsuccessfully try to get the concierge to tell them where Fig’s room is. Adaine detects that the receptionist has some kind of transmutation on them and her first thought is, “Magic plastic surgery.” She dispels it. Not magic plastic surgery. The concierge is a demon--which is different and worse than devils who are at least lawful and, like, part of the bureaucracy of punishing people who deserve it.

Anyway, fight time! A lot happens during this fight so I’m going to try and highlight the most important parts:

All the employees in the immediate area turn into various demons to fight the party.

Adaine and Kristen catch sight of Fig’s room number (downstairs penthouse) right before the fight starts and, at the top of the initiative, Adaine goes invisible and runs for the elevator. 

Fabian vaults of Gilear’s face--unnecessarily--and rolls a nat 20.

Gilear (who has FIVE hit points) ducks and covers because of course he does. That doesn’t stop him from being completely obliterated by one punch from one of the huge gorilla demons. He freaking DIES. Thanks, I hate it.

Downstairs, Adaine finds a bunch more demons who are with Fig who is clearly being mind controlled. They have Riz strapped to a table and Fig’s about to stab him with a ritualistic knife. Adaine goes for a dispel magic and gets advantage because of Boggy which leads to her rolling *two nat 20s* and snapping her out of it immediately. 

In a very boss move, Fig immediately grabs Riz and dimension doors him out of his restraints and them both to the coat check where she left the ruby with Gorthalax. Before they poof out, Riz sees yellow eyes in the shadows. Familiar tabaxi eyes. Seemed like she was calling shots. 

Riz gets in a very cool kill with the line, “Tell Daybreak I said hi.”

Fig finds out Gilear is dead and grabs his soul. Kristen heals him up.

Fabian vaults off of Gilear a second time and rolls a nat 1, sending him back into death saves. 

Kristen tosses a spare the dying at Gilear and then kisses full wolfed out Tracker because time isn’t of the essence or anything.

Fig grabs the ruby Gorthalax is in and sees that it’s cloudy--cursed somehow to keep them from breaking him out. Not good. She also finds a bunch of other gems which she also grabs.

We meet Kristen’s new spirit guardians which are now hipster Post-Grad philosophy students in a full spectral coffee shop. She finds them insufferable but is also kind of into it. 

They clean up the rest of the demons and then Fabian does donuts on the Hangman. And we are out of combat.

Fig is a little distraught about having almost killed Riz and brought them all into this dangerous situation which literally killed Gilear--even though no one else blames her even a little. Gilear has a bit of a breakdown which is fair. The man died. They try to send him home--Fig wants to give him 10k gold and send him on vacation--but he is determined to stay and experience things and be useful. Also, Fabian has it in his (and Gorgug’s) head that Gilear must be some kind of chosen one since one of the demons in the fight chose to attack Gilear over him. 

Fig looks through the other gems she got and only one--a Celestial Sapphire--is similar to size to Gorthalax’s. When they bring it out, a slot in Gorgug’s van pops open. They slot the Sapphire in and, through the radio, an Angelic voice speaks to them. He sounds like Owen Wilson and he doesn’t remember his name. The Hangman hates him immediately. Fig pretends to be a cop to get info from the cops that arrive on the scene, doesn’t find out anything useful, but does roll a nat 20 on her deception (come on) and briefly turns the game into the sister, cop-drama show set in the same universe as the Grey’s Anatomy sham-life she’s living, kissing another full adult man. Incredible. 

They regroup at a posh restaurant/cafe called The Swan’s Little Parade. Sklonda calls and, after she and Sandra-Lynn do the mom-catch up thing, she has a quick talk with Riz where we find out a few things about Kalina:

She only worked with Pok on missions between Falinel and Solace.

She was great at going invisible and other infiltration things.

(Note: We actually learned this earlier but I wanted to keep this info together)She looks more like a traditional housecat than a big cat like some other tabaxi.

It’s extremely hard to scry on her. 

She didn’t attend Pok’s funeral.

The last time Sklonda heard from her was 12ish years ago.

Riz only encountered her a few times as a kid. 

Last Sklonda remembers, she reached out to Pok it was something to do with the ship the Oracle sank on. 

They pass around the picture to see who can see it and not only does it appear that Ragh can see her (oh, kinda implied this before but Riz can too) he also seemed really bugged out. Tracker says she can use her cleric mojo to put up some wards to (1) keep them from getting mind whammied like Fig did overnight and (2) maybe make Ragh feel safe enough to talk. She also suggests they all sleep in a huge dog pile for safety which I think is great and someone should draw that.

Gorgug gets a text. It’s Zelda. She can’t believe he left without saying goodbye.

Thanks, I hate it. 

Detention

Fabian for Using Gilear as a Launch Pad Two (2) Times

This was a top contender for this spot, even before Fabian did this a second time and screwed up so bad (nat 1!) that Gilear dropped to zero again and had to make death saving throws.    

Honor Roll

Adaine for Freeing Fig 

Listen, I will freely admit that I have a clear bias towards Adaine. You got me. She’s my favorite. HOWEVER, you cannot tell me that going invisible, rushing straight to the elevator, then rolling double nat 20s (a 1/400 chance) to release Fig from domination right before she plunged a knife into Riz’s heart wasn’t the sickest series of events that happened during this ep. What could possibly compete? 

Random Thoughts

I’ve been trying to figure out the rhyme or reason to who can see the full photo but I haven’t figured out a pattern yet. It’s not that only people who have seen her before can see her because Sandra-Lynn can see it and she said she’s never met her--although I guess it’s possible that she has and she didn’t recognize her since she’s a super spy. And it’s not a blanket thing on the Bad Kids specifically because Riz can see her. I was hoping they’d show it to more people so we could get a better idea of the rules. Maybe it’s based entirely on if she wants to be seen by that specific person? But then why wouldn’t it default to the blank image. It seems (from our limited POV) that most people can see her. Maybe for most people a blank space would be more suspicious than a random tabaxi? Idk.  

Riz forcibly installing himself as Fabian’s best friend and it working is low key the funniest relationship development in FH. I’m so glad Murph and Lou ran with that. Also, the fact that he’s basically accepted that Riz is his best friend but the Hangman hasn’t at all is so good. 

Brennan really just shot Zac in the head at point blank range at the end of the episode, huh? He really just did that to our boy. What’s also funny is that, unlike--say--CR where there’s usually at least a good minute of decompression and goodbyes, Brennan just goes for the kill shot and then peaces out immediately. What a power move. 

Also, poor Zelda! She’s already so insecure, this isn’t gonna be good for her self esteem. Arguably, there were extenuating circumstances Gorgug can claim but you know that’s only gonna help so much since he def could have at least called/texted her to let her know he had to leave in a hurry because Fig/Riz were missing. I wonder if there’s a section of the binder on this. 

For reference, the demons they fight in the hotel lobby are a Cambion, and then several barlgura and skeksis.

“He’s just a guy!” He certainly is. Check out his stats. Hilarious but also, I can’t act like my stats would look that much different. 

I truly, truly cannot believe that Emily pulled the exact same hospital stunt again and it resolved in exactly the same way. This is like when I played blackjack with my brother when I was a teenager to teach him that the house always wins and he hit 21 twice in a row. 

Also on the topic of Fig, her coming down from her mind control was my favorite part of this episode, for a couple of reasons. I love how sincerely Emily played the immediate shock and horror at what she almost did (closed book my ass). I love how every other person was so happy to get her back. I love that none of them even entertained the thought that she might be dangerous or untrustworthy now. Relationships at the intersection of constant bullying and ride or die are my favorite. 

While we’re on the topic of emotional scenes, Gilear full breaking down in the van post-fight was very funny but you also genuinely felt for the guy. It’s been a really long day for the guy and he died like one and a half times. His, “I haven’t experienced anything before this moment,” line really hit me hard. And I think it’s very wild that Brennan set the DC for convincing him to go home at 25 (which Fig did not pass with a 21). It’s very interesting that Gilear’s reaction to this series of events was to double down and be like, I *need* to be here. Seems like this could be a set up for some interesting Gilear development. 

The amount of times I have almost typed Balnor is unreal. My brain stores all the middle aged men hanging out with people too young for him to be hanging out with in the same folder.  

I can’t believe Adaine just went for that dispel except that I can because she did the exact thing with Iris’ wig at the NY live show and I couldn’t believe that either! I really did not think (1) that was a good move or (2) gonna lead to combat (except for the kind that gets you banned from a hotel). I completely misread that situation. Like, it’s a world full of magic. It’s not that weird that a random person would have a spell on them. Anyway, this is why she’s the oracle and I’m not. 

The Barlgura needed a 3 or higher to hit Gilear. He got a 19. Yikes.

“I had to ask.”/ “No you didn’t.” (The crew explodes into laughter.)

Riz tells the whole gang about the Baron thing and tells everyone that they need to stop lying in case all their lies are gonna pop out and attack them. Gorgug admits that he’s kissed the Hangman. Kristen confesses to a group of her closest friends and girlfriend that she is gay. Tracker is like, “Babe, what?” Tracker (and the Bad Kids but in a different way) must really love Kristen because she is just so much all the time. 

Fabian: Who are you seeing then?/Riz:...................No one. 

Ally Middle Name Beardsly wtf is a paranoia check? 

The comedic rhythm of Fabian vaulting off of Gilear’s face with a nat 20, him dying, being resurrected, and the Fabian trying to do it again with a nat 1 and knocking him near death is so perfect that it’s wild that it was totally random. This is the kind of thing that makes you get superstitious about dice. 

We’re introduced to Boggy’s second mood this ep which is Boggy’s mood which is a slightly squinted, “Hmm...I don’t know about this.” Thanks, I love it. 

In addition to considering Gilear might be the chosen one (by who? Of what? They don’t know and neither do I) the half of the group entertaining this theory also considers Gilear might be the Nightmare King (”If you are you have to tell me. I’m your daughter.”). I don’t know if the NK does possession but please have the NK possess Gilear at some point. If the theme of this season is carefully filing away random off the cuff gags and making them plot relevant, please let this be one of them. Also, lol at Murph trying to roll high enough so that Riz has the knowledge to stop the shenanigans before it derails the whole campaign.  

The group bestows upon Gilear the positions of Tour Manager, Social Media Manager, and Honorary Bad Kid (listed last of course).

Fig grabbed a lanyard of out Adaine’s jacket and I remembered, oh yeah, she has a very magical jacket that is only ever used for shenanigans, if at all. Imagine being so magic that you have a magic jacket that you’re always wearing that can summon anything (w/i reason) and you just kinda...forget about it most of the time. 

Curious about why Fig specifically was called in to do the sacrifice and why Riz was the one who had to be sacrificed. 

I hope Adaine just continues to loan out Boggy to anyone having a bad day. I love that.

“Maybe this is one of those massages that hurt.”

Really wanted Hilariel to Skype in and ask about Gilear. Her take on everything is always so funny. She is as crazy as everyone else in her family but in such a low key way.  

Lol at the party being like, “Yeah, Tracker healed me just fine without any 69-ing,” which is truly an incomprehensible sentence without context and still mostly incomprehensible with context. 

Don’t wanna overlook the coolness of Fig rolling double 17s (disadvantaged) to command the barlguras. Not magically, just convincing them she was still in charge of them. Very clutch.

Fabian is so much chiller about letting people on his motorbike these days. He let Gilear ride it. He let Riz ride it. He gave a blanket invitation for anyone in the area to hop on before he did donuts. I love Sophomore Fabian. 

Gilear gets a nat 20 for his first roll! Riz and Kristen got two nat 20s. Fig got one, Gorgug got one (he rolled a second one that was lost with disadvantage), and Adaine rolled two but they really only count as one since it was with advantage. Fabian rolled one of each. That’s a lot of 20s for one ep!

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S4 Ep 14 Pt1: Rex and Weevils Ultimate Betrayal No One Gave a Damn About

Just finished watching the Superbowl, which I never ever do, and it was VERY confusing and I thought I remembered this sport but I did not. I don’t know what’s happening. I do not understand how Kansas City got that field goal on San Fransisco when their feet never touched the goal line. So, I’m just gonna...change gears completely and wrap up this long post about a VERY complicated anime that came out before some of y’all were born, instead. Today I just really wanted to feel lost.

Last episode, Yugi (the main character of the show, the one this show is named after) hella died, and Rex and Weevil decided to leave the party very, very quickly.

You’d think that the one event (Yugi’s dead) would have to do with the other event (getting the hellllll away), considering how rude and judgy Yami is, but they actually left for cards. They accidentally did a very wise decision in order to do something incredibly stupid and cancel out any wisdom they showed in pedaling as fast as they could possibly pedal away from the reincarnated ghost who just very suddenly achieved full control of a human body.

They accidentally pedaled away from every Mummy movie super villain and somehow ended up with a much more worse villain.

Like I say that this whole season is about Yugi’s crazy commute, but Rex and Weevil’s commute has just been so much more. They are just clinging to whatever vehicle is near them in order to find these legendary cards sitting somewhere in American Soil. They are so ambivalent to all the very real world terrible problems around them because they’re PRETTY SURE they’re gonna get rich. It’s like the Gold Rush but with helicopters.

Also the 49ers never rode tandem bikes, but you know they would’ve if they could’ve.

And for some, weird reason, Rafeal decides not to pick them up under his arms and toss them directly onto an unsuspecting Joey Wheeler like he just did with Yugi. Rafael and Alister decided...nah...I’ll keep these strange small manchildren.

It seems really off brand for Rafael and Alister but maybe they just got too tired to deal with it right now.

Speaking of tired--this horse.

I mean I’ll do the math eventually--not this post but maybe the next one I just did a lot of math trying to remember why the hell it’s 6 points for a goal in football--but this horse that we estimated would take over 20 days to ride to Death Valley just rode all the way back in the same day. Congratulations horse, the strongest force in all of Yugioh, (second to Yugi’s neck, holding that 70 lb necklace at all hours of the day.)

The girls seem to think that everything is OK initially, mostly because Yugi doesn’t really lose games that often, since the list of ways to beat Yugi in a card game up until now didn’t include “trick Yami into murdering the hell out of Yugi Muto.” Crazy that that actually worked, but Yami isn’t that bright.

PS please admire how chubby this horse appears in this scene.

OK I’m glad we all acknowledged the elephant in the room that was a horse last shot.

Also...maybe he didn’t hug her back because she just shoved a very sharp pyramid necklace straight into his small intestines?

(more under the cut)

I’ll spare you Transatlantacism this time.

Tea is concerned but more surprised than straight up angry. An anger which is more honed by Rebecca because Yami just killed her only friend (other than this horse) and possibly her only future husband that would ever put up with her (other than this horse.)

Like it seems kind of rude in the show out of context that everyone took a moment to lay a big dump on Yami Muto, but can you imagine if you straight up killed your twin (by accident but only by like 75% accident, lets be real) and this was your only punishment?

Like getting punched out is just how Yami treats himself every single day, so I don’t think Joey made too much of a difference in the situation. But you know, it’s Yugioh, so getting punched does is somehow the correct answer.

It was very lucky for Yami that Tea was too busy trying to console Rebecca to punch Yami before Joey got to him first because hot damn that would have sent him straight back to Death Valley.

And then I think this next exchange between Duke and Tristan was somewhat lost in translation. Please admire the censorship here. Safe for kids now.

I say this like a joke but have you seen Equinox? I live in the Bay, so trust me. Equinox is absolutely reviving the Great Leviathan. No doubt in my mind.

Anyway, Rafael and Alister hear Rex and Weevil’s plea to join the evil task force and they’re like...

...yeah, I guess you can apply, why not? No need to interview your or anything before we harass Darts with you.

Like Rafael and Alister were completely bonkers children that were driven to insanity by very extreme circumstances, and then there’s Rex and Weevil. They’re just...kind of middling at cards and that’s it.

But sure, yeah, I’m sure they’ll fit right into the completely maniacal card corporate atmosphere here at DartsCorp. I’m sure Rex and Weevil will jump out of a plane on a motorcycle and then do stunts all the way towards Atlantis Island.

Sure.

(course, now that I think of it, they did introduce themselves to Alister and Rafael by accidentally doing a stunt over a canyon onto a helicopter so...maybe they accidentally think Rex and Weevil are cool?)

Which, in hindsight, makes Mai make a hell of a lot more sense because y’all, they should be SO distracted right now, and shouldn’t let anyone in here who isn’t insane or insanely good at cards. But instead they’re like...I guess you have a duel disk, you’ll work. It’s not like there’s a line of people at the door.

Anyway, because the show has to acknowledge that there might be new viewers, they do their best to try and explain this very lengthy Yugi mechanic as if we’ve never heard it before and honestly, it just sounded like everyone was very frustrated.

Like for reals what is he wearing?

Why are there so few normal ass suits in Yugioh? Why is KAIBA the only person who knows what colors belong on a fitted suit? (And he just wears white, which isn’t a color and is always very safe but youknow it still boggles my mind that the power suit people are so into very friendly soft pastels from Gozaburo, to Pegasus, to Noah, to Darts.)

I would wear this suit to Easter Sunday. Darts just wears it every day.

And so then we get a little insight into what it takes to become an Orichalcos card champion.

While before, Darts just kinda poked Mai in the forehead and she was instantly imbued with Aqua Green Evilness, he decided to do a weird test on Rex and Weevil. Just to make sure they realllllly wanted to be here.

As if they didn’t stow away in a 18 hour flight stuffed into a handbag, hold in their piss for said 18 hours, then get shipped by accident to the Tenderloin, where they were mugged twice, and then get shoved into the trunk of Duke’s car, and then took a broken tandem bike to the hottest desert in America, where they then rode said bike off of a cliff in order to hang onto a flying helicopter.

Like I think this test was unnecessary, I think they want to be here.

But youknow, I think Darts just wanted to torture em for kicks.

And then Rex and Weevil have to grab two of these Oricalchos stones that were farting special effects and were very, very opposed to being owned by Rex and Weevil. But they managed to do it.

And uh congrats--their betrayal has begun!

And I don’t think anyone else on this show even recognized that they freakin left. Like they just kinda disappeared in Death Valley and then Duke was like “eh. They’ll find their way home.”

Kind of incredible that Joey and friends left these two stranded in Death Valley, That alone should have killed Rex and Weevil and like...Wow. Wow is Joey and co such a freakin asshole.

So don’t leave people stranded in Death Valley, they will join a card cult and freakin kill you. If the insane heat doesn’t kill them first.

And then because...I don’t know...I don’t know why, after sending his best and brightest fighters, Darts decided to downgrade and do this:

(based on a true story where a friend of mine worked as an intern in the city, and because they couldn’t pay him a living wage, he lived in a closet at said startup for nearly 2 years. Start-up culture is pretty real, folks, it’s PRETTY REAL. But, on the bright side, at least they had a shower in-house.)

So, I’m gonna go remove my contacts and try to forget how much queso I ate at that Superbowl party.

It was a lot of queso.

and if you just got here, this is a handy link to read these from the start.

PS anyone else pull the Yugioh fest in PAD? Because I have played this game...a lot over the course of 5 years and saved up over 300 free stones for several months in anticipation for this collab and then I pulled Kuriboh about 15 times. Most of you have no idea what that means, but for some of you out there, your heart just broke for me 15 times. (I did get 2 Yugis so I’m fine, but damn it) Then, bro saved up his stones and pulled Seto Kaiba, Marik, and Bakura all in a row. Freakin gotcha games, man. Freakin gotcha games.

[7-wonders]

Naked & Afraid

Summary: You finally (unwillingly, like everything else that’s happened to you since that night in the parking lot) meet your father-in-law in what is arguably some of the weirdest circumstances you’ve ever dealt with.

Word Count: 3734

A/N: What, Claire finally updated Mad Love? Hell must’ve frozen over and pigs are surely flying! Feedback is always appreciated (even the h8ers; bring it on hunny I’m always up for a throwdown), and if you liked this chapter I would love if you would reblog and/or leave me a comment!

Read Mad Love (part one) HERE | Read Totally F***ed (part two) HERE | Read The Isle of Flightless Birds (part three) HERE | Read A Hard Day’s Night (part four) HERE | Read Pour One Out (part five) HERE | Read Where Angels Fear to Tread (part six) HERE

Every single thing about Michael Langdon and the life that he lives is the epitome of luxury, so it comes as no surprise that the en suite bathroom that has been deemed yours is just as opulent as everything else you’ve seen. After an incredibly long week that’s seemed to stretch for months, the large, ornate bathtub is the only thing on your mind. After Michael cut dinner short tonight, an issue with the Cooperative requiring his attention, you found yourself sitting on your bed and trying to figure out what to do with an unexpected free evening. Your head is still spinning after everything that’s happened in the past couple of days, and a long bath is where you tend to do your best thinking and decompressing. Today, especially, there’s a lot to think about.

The sound of rushing water fills the bathroom and echoes off of the large granite walls (who has granite walls?). Sticking your hand under the steady stream, you fiddle with the knob for a few moments before finding your ideal temperature. The bathtub starts to fill quickly, and you pour a generous amount of some fragrant lavender bubble bath into the water. You sit back on the balls of your feet, waiting for the bath to fill to your desired depth before rushing to turn it off. Glancing one last time to make sure you remembered to lock the door, you yank your clothes off of your body before sinking into the bath.

You sigh audibly once the hot water covers your body, the heat immediately going to work at relaxing your muscles. Relaxing against the back of the porcelain tub, you turn your phone on to play some music and stare up at the ceiling. There’s a chandelier, because of course there is. Although the signature black is prevalent throughout the room, you’re pleased to see some accents of purple and silver as well. Your thoughts, which can never just remain on one topic for an extended period of time, quickly shift to what’s happened yesterday and today.

The major thing is, of course, the kiss that you shared with Michael mere hours ago. More specifically, why the hell did you reciprocate the kiss? He certainly didn’t use his magic on you; even if you didn’t know what magic felt like when it was used on you now, the stern warning that you would beat his ass scared him enough to not even consider it. But, it’s not as if you like him. At best, you’re starting to tolerate him. That doesn’t mean you’ve ever thought about kissing him before, no matter how soft his lips actually are.

Maybe it was a lapse in judgement? Or maybe drunk (Y/N) was still lurking in the darkest recesses of your mind, just waiting for a moment to come out and screw everything up. A single kiss does not equal attraction of any kind. Michael’s arrogant, nosy, doesn’t understand boundaries, is the literal Antichrist and, to top it off, kidnapped you to be his unwilling bride. But at the same time, he obviously didn’t have a very loving or normal childhood, and he’s been used as a puppet by so many: Ms. Mead, the Satanists, his father. You don’t empathize with him, or even excuse his actions due to what he’s gone through. You do, however, understand why he acts the way that he does; maybe that makes all the difference.

You don’t remember falling asleep, but it’s obvious that you did. One moment, you’re relaxing in a bathtub and pondering how weird your life has gotten, and then you blink and you’re here. Well, wherever ‘here’ is. Everything’s dark, as if you’re standing outside in an empty field with no sign of stars, the moon, or any lights. Your eyes take a minute to adjust, but even then you’re still unable to see any sign of life. Although you can’t see anything, you can feel that something, or someone, is here with you.

The hair on your arms prickles, goosebumps rising as you feel a pair of piercing eyes watching you. The worst part, though, is that you can’t tell which direction they’re looking at you from. Just when you turn around to try and catch them, the feeling’s from behind you. It’s everywhere: Your back, your arms, your side, your face. At times it feels like you’re nose to nose with this entity, even though there’s nothing there. Your breathing picks up, nervously coming out in visible puffs as you wrap your arms around yourself. Looking down suddenly, you’re grateful that you’re not still naked in this dream (or vision, or premonition). You’re wearing the same clothes that you were wearing earlier today, almost as if you had dressed yourself while asleep.

As far as you can tell, you’re alone. That is, until you’re not. You spin around in a slow circle one last time, shrieking loudly when you come face to face with a man. A small smile has his pink lips upturned, showing his amusement at your fear. He’s tall, tall enough that his neck is bent in order to look at you. His unruly black hair somehow manages to look like he styled it that way, and his hazel eyes seem to flicker and crackle with sparks. You stumble backwards, desperate to put some space between you and this stranger. He closes his eyes and breathes deeply, reminding you of how Michael looks when he smells your fear in the air.

“Who are you?” Your voice, although you attempt to sound strong, comes out shaky and hesitant.

“I am known by many different names, and I possess many different faces.” He quips, taking one long step closer to you. “Mmm, but of course you would not recognize me as I am now, right, sweet (Y/N)?”

“How do you know my name?”

He doesn’t answer. In a split second, he’s changed from the man with the mop of black hair to a tall man with brown hair and brown eyes, a trimmed beard on his face. If it weren’t for the same sparks in his eyes, you would have thought it was a completely different person.

“Does this not work for you, either?” His form changes again, to that of a teenage boy in an ill-fitting sweater and ratty jeans. His blond hair hasn’t been combed in a while, but he has the same brown eyes as that of the man before him.

“Stop doing this!” You snap, half-tempted to smack him.

“Oh, but I think you will quite enjoy this next form.” Suddenly, Michael stands before you. It looks just like the Michael you know, except for those eyes. Michael’s eyes, the real Michael’s eyes, lack that odd flame in them that this person has.

“Change back.” You say through gritted teeth. You’re not sure why the sight of him makes you feel so odd, but it does.

“You are no fun at all.” He sighs, reverting back to the original form that you first saw him in.

“I’m going to ask you this one more time. Who. Are. You?” Your hands are balled into fists at your sides, and you can feel your nails digging into the calloused flesh there.

“‘The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.’” He quips. It sounds familiar, what he’s saying, but you have no clue where you would have heard something like this before. “Why did you react the way that you did when I assumed the image of my son?”

“Your son? Who’s your…” You trail off upon realizing the only person that he could possibly be referring to as his son. He smirks, knowing that you’re hoping with every fiber of your being that he’s not who you think he is.

“Such a smart woman you are, (Y/N).” His voice drips with the same saccharine that tempted Eve when she stood at that lonely tree in the Garden of Eden, listening to the lies of the serpent as he whispered in her ear that the Forbidden Fruit would provide her the same knowledge that God himself possessed. “Surely you have heard some of my names. Beelzebub, Mephistopheles, Lucifer--” he cuts himself off, and the grin that he shoots your way has you shuddering at the mere sight of it, “--Satan.”

“You can’t be, I--how am I here?” There’s so much about this situation that’s wrong, but for some reason your mind latches onto the sheer absurdity of waking up in an actual hellscape.

“My dear, I’m the Devil. A mere parlor trick is all it took to get you into my domain.” He spreads his arms wide, proud of the desolate landscape that stretches ahead for miles and miles.

“I’m not your ‘dear.’” You retort, eyes widening when you realize that you just sassed Satan himself. Instead of stealing your soul and banishing you to the Ninth Circle of Hell, which is what you’re expecting, he stares at you for a moment before laughing loudly.

“See, everytime I think that I chose the wrong mortal to be my son’s companion, you prove to me that I made the correct choice.” He seems proud of himself, standing tall and with his chest out.

“You ruined my life with your ‘choice.’”

Satan’s face falls, and he takes another step closer to you. “I have given you the opportunity to be great!”

“You stole my free will!”

“Thanks to me, you will rule the New World side-by-side with Michael. You are the missing link to bring about our plans for the Apocalypse. My son, as I am sure you have noticed, is all too human. I blame his mother; gentle, impassioned Vivien did not pass many things down to Michael, but she did manage to give the boy an overly caring heart. He needs someone to fulfill his heart’s desires, and who better than the one who was handpicked for him?”

“The Apocalypse,” you scoff, choosing to ignore the last part of his spiel for now as you look the Devil right in the eyes. “Why do you even want to bring about the Apocalypse? Once everyone’s dead, there’s no more new souls for you to torture.”

“Hell is not just made up of the souls of the damned, (Y/N). Legions of demons, swarms of locusts and scorpions, plagues that mankind has long since forgotten. My domain shall no longer be restricted just to Hell. Instead, Hell, and all of her beasts, will wreak havoc upon the Earth.”

“You want to kill billions of people, just so that you and your buddies can get your jollies?”

“Chaos and disorder are what keeps the world running. I am merely trying to make sure that only those who can survive the most chaotic of situations will populate the New World. Which, might I remind you, you shall have a hand in ruling.”

“I don’t want your fucking crown or kingdom.”

You go to whirl around, hoping that there will be some door that you missed when you first woke up here, but you’re faced again with Satan. When you try to back away from him, a ring of flames encircles both of you, effectively trapping you with him. He snatches your wrist, and your eyes widen at the sharp talons digging into your skin.

“Did your mother never teach you that gratitude is a virtue?” His voice comes out as a thunder, shaking the very ground that you stand on.

You really should tone down the sass and backtalk, but you can’t help it when a man as arrogant as any you’ve ever met stands mere inches away. “That’s really rich, coming from the literal Devil.”

“You foolish, insolent little girl. You have no idea what I am capable of.”

Your heart pounds in your chest as he loosens his grip on your wrist, allowing you to snatch your extremity back from him. You rub the skin, visibly marked and bleeding in areas where the talons pierced through, as gently as possible while trying to gain some feeling back into your tingling hand.

“I embody the seven deadly sins,” he continues. “I can become your greatest desire…”

You haven’t been looking at him while attending to your wrist, but your movements stop at the sudden change of voice when he reaches the end of his sentence. Moving your eyes slowly upwards, you let out a harsh breath when you’re greeted with Michael’s smirking face. The Michael doppelgänger slowly walks towards you, lifting a chilly hand up to your face and caressing your cheek.

“Don’t touch me.” You mutter, unable to look away from his cerulean eyes.

“C’mon, (Y/N),” even his mocking tone sounds just like the Michael that you know, “don’t play coy with me. I can see into the deepest parts of your soul. That purity that you try so furiously to embody, tinted black in some areas. You desire me, even though you hate to admit it.”

“I don’t.”

“Liar.” He whispers, breath ghosting across your face while he moves even closer to yours. “The very essence of your being calls out for me, just as I call out for you. We were created for each other. No matter how much you try and fight it, we belong to each other. Soon enough, your mind will give into what your soul already knows.”

“Stop it!” You shout, shoving him away from you.

Satan goes stumbling back, caught off-guard by your sudden attack and nearly topping into the flames. When he rights himself again, he has a devil’s grin plastered across his original face.

“As I was saying, I can become your greatest desire, but I can also transform into your worst nightmare.”

He starts to shift and change, body convulsing as bones grow from out of nowhere. Satan’s no longer a man, although was the title of ‘man’ ever one that could be bestowed upon him? Instead, he’s a horrific, imposing creature with multiple heads that almost looks like some sort of dragon.

“‘And I saw a beast coming out of the sea,’” he bellows, all of the heads combining their voices to form a roar that has you clapping your hands over your ears. “‘It had ten horns and seven heads, with ten crowns on its horns, and on each head a blasphemous name.’”

Vaguely, you realize that the heads are quoting some part of the Book of Revelation, but you don’t have time to wonder about if the Devil has the Bible memorized when the heads of the beast unhinge their jaws, showing off their gaping maws and the dim glow of fire being conjured from deep in their belly. As the heads start to lower towards you, you drop to your knees and let out a blood curdling shriek.

Michael senses your panic before he hears your terrified screams. He springs up from his plush leather chair in his office, abruptly ending the phone call he was just on with a couple of world leaders. Your screams permeate the air, Michael’s heart pounding in terror at what you could possibly be experiencing right now. In his mind, there’s no time to waste. He blasts the bathroom door open the moment that it comes into view, hoping that you’ll forgive him for barging in on you while you’re nude.

Your subconscious, which Satan had pulled into Hell the moment your eyes slipped closed for longer than a second, had jolted back into your body upon sensing your imminent demise. In your panic, you had slipped under the water, inhaling mouthfuls of it as your lungs tried to breathe normally again. Your hands cling to the lip of the tub, almost like you’re worried that something will swim up from the depths of the bath and attempt to drag you back under. Alternating between screaming and coughing up the water that has invaded your lungs, your eyes remain clenched tight.

Michael reaches for you before his mind can start to think about the repercussions of doing so, arms slipping under your body and pulling you out of the water. His suit is soaking wet now, but he doesn’t care. He’s never seen you like this before, so terror-stricken that you can’t even open your eyes, and it shakes him to his core. You thrash against his firm chest, sure that Satan has shifted back and captured you in hell. It’s only when you hear his frantically calm reassurances that your body stops writhing.

“Hey, you’re okay, it’s fine. I’m here, nothing can hurt you.” He soothes you, waiting patiently for your eyes to flutter open.

“Michael? It’s...it’s actually you, right?” Your voice is meek in a way that he’s never heard before.

“Why wouldn’t it be me?” Your eyes fill with tears at the memory, and you shake your head before burying your face in his chest, sobs wracking your body. “What happened to you?”

The only sounds you make are the small whimpers that slip past the barrier of your mouth, floating to Michael’s ears. His fingers go to your back, freezing when he remembers that you’re naked. Hesitantly, he grabs a towel and wraps you in it, though you’re still too shocked to even care. Michael holds you tightly against him, rubbing circles on your back and listening to your heart to make sure it evens out. It takes a while, but it slowly manages to go to a rate that wouldn’t have an Apple Watch alerting its owner of a possible heart attack.

“(Y/N), is it okay if I get you dressed?” If your head wasn’t pressed against his chest, he wouldn’t even be aware that you had nodded in response to his request, the movement was so small.

Michael can tell that the steady metronome of his heart is calming to you, so he remains silent while he runs another towel through your hair. He’s gentle with you, almost like you’re a wisp of smoke he’s managed to capture in his hands; one wrong movement, and you’ll disappear. He helps to tug the black nightdress over your head, looking up at the ceiling while he inches it down past your thighs until you’re modest. A wave of his bejeweled hand makes the bathtub start to drain, the sound of the water level receding helping to fill the silence of the bathroom.

You’re exhausted, although you’re not sure if it’s from the near-drowning that still has your lungs feeling like they’re burning or the fact that Satan literally had you in Hell with him. When Michael picks you up in his arms, you don’t even bother to protest what he’s doing. The covers of your bed have already been turned down, likely the work of a maid slipping in while you were first in the bathroom. Michael sets you down amongst the plush pillows and starts to pull the blankets up around you, but stops when you grab his hand.

“It was Satan.” You mutter, tired eyes gazing up to see his panicked reaction.

“What?”

“Lay down with me.” Patting the spot on the bed next to you, Michael slowly slips his shoes off before sliding in next to you. You smile slightly at how he still respects your space, fingers just barely brushing against yours in an effort to not piss you off. “I must have fallen asleep while I was taking a bath. It felt like I only blinked, and suddenly I was in this pitch black landscape…”

You tell him everything about the confrontation with his father, only leaving out the part where Satan accused Michael of being your greatest desire. He listens intently throughout your entire story, saving all of his comments for after you’re finished.

“Why did he show himself to you?” Michael mutters, almost as if he’s talking to himself.

“Does he normally not do that?”

“I’ve never actually seen him before. My father has an...odd way of communicating with me, and that usually involves some sort of visions or rituals. I don’t understand why you’re--” he cuts himself off, jaw tightening while he lets out a sigh. “--he’s not pleased with either of us.”

“He couldn’t just have a friendly conversation with you instead of dragging me to Hell?”

“This was intended to be a message that would resonate with both of us. Would you have taken me seriously if he had spoken to me during a ritual?”

“You already know I wouldn’t.”

“Then what better way to voice his displeasure than by getting the skeptic, the unwilling second part of this equation, to be the messenger?”

“I don’t understand why he’s not pleased, though. I married you. Isn’t that enough?”

Michael grimaces. “You’re far more headstrong than he thought you would be. I think, when my father was picking a bride for me, he imagined that she would be this demure little thing who faithfully worshipped Satan and had already accrued a body count by her eighteenth birthday. You are almost the exact opposite of that, and it infuriates him. Any wrench in our plans means more time that’s wasted.”

“What you order on Amazon versus what shows up.” You joke, chuckling when Michael stifles a smile. “C’mon, that was funny!”

“It’s time for you to get some rest, (Y/N).” Michael reminds you, stroking your damp hair back from your face. His clothes are no longer wet, and you briefly wonder if he used his magic to dry them before nerves seize your stomach.

“Wait! Please don’t leave me.” You plead, gripping his arm tightly with both of yours. Michael looks concerned, and you sigh. “I’m scared that he’ll get me again if I fall asleep.”

Michael’s arms wrap around you, securing you against his chest. That steady rhythm that makes up his heartbeat starts to calm you again, and you use the sound to ground yourself.

“I won’t let him anywhere near you, I promise.” You can’t be too sure, considering how fast you drift off, but it feels like he lays a kiss to your forehead.

Michael keeps his promise, remaining with you until long after you’re asleep. When his own eyes start to slip closed, he allows himself to fall asleep next to you, protecting you no matter what.

Tag List: @sammythankyou @girlycakepops @ultragibbycentralworld @sebastianshoe @nana15774 @queencocoakimmie @lichellaw @grim-adventures58 @dandycandy75 @trimbooohgodplsnoooo @alexcornerblogthethird @everything-is-awesomesauce @ccodyfern @jimmlangdon @dolceandchalamet @omgsuperstarg @queenie435 @dextergirl12345 @americanhorrorstudies @sloppy-little-witch-bitch26 @coloursunlimited @punkysouls @kahhlo @storminmytwistedmind @1-800-bitchcraft @langdonsdemon @langdonslove @carousallie @cuddletothecake @born-on-stgeorges-day @mega-combusken @michaelsapostle @babyloutattoo89 @divinelangdon @venusxxlangdon @idespac @hexqueensupreme @hecohansen31 @rocketgirl2410 @gold-dragon-slayer 

[darkpoisonouslove]

Griffin/Valtor + hospital AU

I had an AU idea here where Griffin is a nurse so let’s set that there. Here’s what it was about:

I just had this cute AU idea in which Valtor is an assassin for his mothers and he gets badly wounded on a job so he has to go to the nearest hospital. Where’s the cuteness you’re asking? Coming right up! Griffin is the nurse on the night shift and she takes care of him and stitches his wound. He has to lie to her about how he got it but she doesn’t believe him, of course. “Did somebody try to kill you?” Well, yes, but to be fair it was his fault since he tried to kill the woman first (bonus: it was Faragonda and she totally kicked his ass). He can’t tell Griffin that, of course. Not just because he’ll go to jail for attempted murder but also because revealing details about his job will most certainly not help him land a date with the incredibly kind and beautiful woman. And her touch was so warm that he doubts he’ll ever forget it. So he stops by whenever he gets a not-so-minor injury and she stitches him back together. She even jokes that he’s just hurting himself to have excuses to see her… which may not be so far from the truth. After he met her, he’s been so distracted at his job that he’s screwed up more often than he’s ever had before that. He asks her out and she agrees to go on a date with him if he can promise her that what he does will not put him or her in danger. He does so of course, but he’s not a liar. So now he has to find a way to quit his job without getting killed for that.

Now for the headcanons. Let’s see if I can keep this relatively short and fluffy:

TW for drug use and overdose mention.

1. Griffin and Valtor do get in a relationship and she asks him to have dinner with her and her best friend. Valtor nearly has a heart attack when he sees the best friend. It’s Faragonda and she recognizes him from when he tried to kill her because she was getting in his mothers’ way by steering her family company away from the course that had been agreed upon. She doesn’t say anything, though, until Griffin goes to the kitchen to get dinner. Which is when Faragonda hisses at Valtor to get out of Griffin’s life as quietly and quickly as possible before Griffin can get too attached to him and before he can break her heart even more. Valtor does his best to convince her (while Griffin is coming and going with plates of food which I can’t decide if it’s comic relief or only making the atmosphere more tense or is perhaps some weird combo of the two) that he’s not doing that anymore and will make sure no harm will come to Griffin. He says he loves her and that she’s finally given him the push he needed to make the step and separate himself from his mothers. Faragonda is very skeptical of it all but she knows that Griffin’s already fallen in love and it will crush her if she tells her about Valtor’s past. So she settles for keeping a very close eye on both Griffin and Valtor to make sure he’s keeping his promise and that Griffin’s safe.

2. Valtor’s plan for being safe from his mothers is having incriminating evidence against them hidden in a safe and it is set up to be sent straight to the DA’s office (because Marion is the only one he trusts isn’t corrupt and bought by his mothers (she wants to use the evidence but he tells her it’s his only leverage against his mothers and he can’t risk Griffin’s life so she’ll have to find another way to corner them)) if anything happens to him or to Griffin. It’s his insurance that they’ll leave him alone but, of course, he still needs to be on the lookout because his mothers will try everything to destroy the evidence and then either force him to fall back in line or kill both him and Griffin. He also told Faragonda about that both as proof of his intentions and to get further backup. It does make her believe him more but she still makes Griffin go to self-defense courses with her. Not that Faragonda needs them but she wants to make sure Griffin can protect herself if it comes to that.

3. Valtor’s mothers aren’t just going to back down, of course. They find Griffin and they talk to her, telling her all about Valtor’s past, who he’s killed and how, and what came out of that. Griffin is obviously distressed at the information but she tells them that she’s glad Valtor managed to get out of that situation and will not be doing their dirty work for them anymore before she tells them to go to hell and kicks them out. She’s more than upset with Valtor for not being honest with her. She knew he was doing something illegal but she didn’t expect him to be that deep in. And she doesn’t know how to trust him now that he’s a murderer in her mind and a liar. She understands that he didn’t have a choice than to do what he was told when he was a child but he didn’t need to wait to meet her to make the move and get himself out of there. She tells him that she needs time to process everything. She says she’s not even sure if she can trust him not to go back to his mothers if she ultimately decides she can’t be with him but he reassures her that that won’t happen and that he doesn’t want her staying with him just because she’s feeling responsible for his choices. Griffin is also angry at Faragonda for not telling her and it only gets worse when Faragonda tells her that she didn’t want to break her heart because it will break even worse if she has to leave Valtor for good now that she’s completely in love with him. Even if deep down she knows Faragonda was brought in on  the whole affair when it was already too late to save her from falling for him.

4. Valtor needs to find himself a new job now and he starts working as an accountant in Oritel’s company. (Faragonda offered him to work for her but he didn’t want to give Griffin even more reason to be angry with her.) He also starts painting in his free time only to have Griffin knocking on his door one evening and demanding to know why she’s seen a photo of a painting of her on Faragonda’s computer. Valtor offers that he needed a critic and Faragonda was the only one who knows her well enough to tell him if he’d managed to catch her presence well enough. “My presence?” “Yes. That collected but concerned and empathetic look you get in your eyes as you listen to someone’s problems. The tired but satisfied smile you get after a long day at work when you’ve helped so many people. The warmth and comfort you exude even in the most dire of circumstances.” Valtor cups her cheek only to have her lean into the touch for a second before pulling his hand away. “I can’t do this, Valtor. Leave my face alone, will you? It does not belong to you.” “What about your heart?” A pause. “I’ll tell you when I manage to put it back together and know what it’s telling me.” Griffin leaves to take his heart with her and leave an emptiness behind.

5. Griffin isn’t quite pleased to find out Valtor is a volunteer at the hospital she works at. “This is offensive.” “I really want to help, Griffin.” “And you had to pick the hospital I work at to volunteer? Out of all the hospitals in the city?” “It’s closest to my apartment.” “Why don’t you just tell me the truth? We both know you’re here because of me. Even if you really want to help.” “I do want to help, Griffin. It seems like a good way to make up to the universe for all the hurt I’ve released in it. And yes, of course I’m here because of you. You’re the one who made me want to be a better man just by being who you are. You’ll be in my heart forever and I can’t change that even if I wanted to.” “Suit yourself. Just know this doesn’t change our situation in any way.” Valtor didn’t really expect it to but he was still thrilled about getting to see her. And it actually felt good to help people even when it could be hard work. It definitely made him admire her even more. The way she took care of her patients without complaining and always trying to brighten their day. He’d managed to make a few people laugh and totally block when a little boy hugged him but nothing too major. Until he saw one of the patients - a young girl named Darcy who’d just barely escaped death from an overdose - sneaking out of the hospital. And she would’ve managed too if he hadn’t caught her. She told him there was no point in her staying because even if she got clean, she still wouldn’t have a life. She was an orphan that even the system didn’t want and she had no future. Valtor told her he gets that, that he’s felt like that too even if he had never been an addict and also tells her that he’ll be there for her if she wants him to. He tells her he’ll get the documents to adopt her (she’s sixteen and a half and still has a year and a half until she’s a legal adult) if she promises him to get clean. He’ll give her a place to stay and will help her find a job if she really wants to get her life in order. She’s already crying but she manages to nod in agreement. She goes to a detox center and goes through the program while Valtor manages to get the adoption procedure going. He even arranges with Faragonda to get Darcy an internship at her company and makes sure to let his mothers know that there will be consequences for them if they try to touch Darcy as well. She is thrilled to have a home when she gets out of the detox center and two new friends she met there that are also doing better now that they have friends who care for them. She even gets a cat which Valtor could have dealt without but he can’t really do anything about it. “What’s that?” “A cat. Miss Griffin said that I might find it helpful to take care of a pet.” “And you couldn’t get something… else. That didn’t spit out fur balls?” “We’ll all adapt,” Darcy says and she sounds so much like Griffin that he can’t really take it. “By the way Miss Griffin is coming to dinner.” “What?” “I wanted to thank her for the help so I invited her and she said she’d come.” Valtor is about to have a heart attack at this point and he’s not sure if it is from shock or from happiness. And Darcy is definitely happy because her plan is coming together and so will they with a few more carefully planned moves.

(She saw them talking in the hospital and she immediately knew there was something there so she kept pestering Valtor about it until he told her (he didn’t tell her about the ex assassin stuff) and she immediately started scheming how to help them get back together. And they do. Griffin decides that she can trust him, after all, that he does want to be a better man and that his life of crime is now behind him. And they have a girl to look after. Not to mention that Marion manages to catch his mothers and they’re put away for good, which was about the best wedding gift Griffin and Valtor could want.)

Not so successful on either front but still with a happy ending! :D (You may even get a fic some of those days (after I finish the 300 other things I’m working on) ;).)

[ckret2]

What’s your personality headcanon for rodan?

I’ve had this in my inbox like a week because I wanted to wait until my TF big bang rough draft was done to write this, and then i spent several days recovering from the rough draft lmfao. OKAY SO

The tl;dr is “Rodan assumes everything is normal, no matter how weird it is, and that basically informs his entire worldview. Also he wants to be everyone’s friend and fight them at all times.”

First let’s talk about instincts. Because Rodan’s species plops their eggs in volcanoes and flies off, there’s basically nothing in the way of parenting. If an adult Rodan sees a baby Rodan flopping around its volcano like a fool, it might swoop down to check on the kid and show it how to do something it’s struggling with—like, if an adult human saw a five-year-old trying to get on the subway, thought this was a perfectly normal thing for a small child to do, checked to make sure they knew which line they were taking and where their stop was, showed them how to use their card to get through the turnstile, and sent them on their way. Because Rodan eggs take so long to incubate and don’t depend on a parent sitting on the nest to do so, a hatchling might pop out long after its parents are dead, or even—as in this Rodan’s case—when no other members of its species are alive at all.

So because of that, and the way evolution ran to compensate for the fact that these hatchlings might be getting zero adult education, Rodan runs on intuition, moreso than titans who raise their kids. He was born knowing how to fly, hunt, fight, defend his nest, patrol his territory, find and judge potential mates, establish more nests. He was born recognizing many titan species that had been around most prominently during his species’s evolutionary history, and knowing whether they’re likely to be friends, foes, or food. (Mothra is “friend.” Godzilla is “proceed with caution.” Ghidorah was only active for one or two generations of Rodans, not long enough for them to evolve an instinctive reaction to multi-headed yellow fliers, so Ghidorah was a total unknown when he charged his happy flappy ass into Rodan’s territory.)

So Rodan was born with a immense amount of knowledge about the world around him.

Most of it’s wrong.

Since the day Rodan hatched, he’s been faced with nothing but weird shit. So he has no sense of scale for weirdness. Fishing boats are weird. The fact that the sky isn’t thick with giant stony pteranodons is weird. The lack of a land bridge between Alaska and Russia is weird. The Himalayas are weird. The shape of that tree over there is weird. Three-headed two-tailed lightning-spewing siren-singing hurricane-summoning golden dragons from outer space are weird. The size of the Sahara is weird. A bird accidentally flying up Rodan’s nostril is weird. Farms are weird. Bells are weird. All of the above things are equally weird to Rodan.

As a consequence? He’s extremely chill with weird shit. You throw something wild at him and he thinks “I guess this is just what we’re doing now, huh,” and rolls with it. He’s willing to immediately embrace anything as the new normal. He just finds a convenient spot to jam it into his pre-existing conception of the world and rolls with it.

Which is why, when Three-Heads McGee appears, Rodan is like, “… Well, okay, apparently this is just what other members of my species look like and i somehow didn’t know it until right now" and does what he knows he’s supposed to do when he meets one of his kind: see who can win a fight. Ghidorah beats Rodan up, Rodan expects that if they impress each other then the loser promises to follow the winner and they go make nests, so he yields and swears to follow Ghidorah; but instead they fly several hours north to knock over the weird square hives made by tiny apes? Does this mean they’re hanging out first? That’s fine, anyway Rodan swore to follow so he’s gonna keep doing that, destroying cities is now the thing that they are doing. Maybe they were always supposed to be destroying cities and he just didn’t know it. Now they’re fighting Godzilla and Mothra for some reason? Yeah, alright, sure, he’s not sure if this is a turf fight or a grudge match or just for the absolute hell of it, but Ghidorah has clearly got dibs on Godzilla which Rodan is NOT gonna argue with so Rodan’s taking Mothra. He doesn’t know why they’re fighting. He doesn’t know why they’re in Boston at all. He doesn’t know what Boston is. It didn’t exist the last time he was awake. 

And days or weeks after the fight, he still doesn’t know why they were fighting. He’s got no clue Ghidorah was trying to destroy the planet. He didn’t think to ask what they were doing.

So you can throw the weirdest thing in the world at him and he just sort of assumes that it’s perfectly normal, he just hadn’t heard about it yet. Like, someday somebody is going to tell him Ghidorah is an alien, and he’s going to spend about twenty seconds freaked out, and then it will be just a fact, and nothing will ever throw him for a loop again. When everything is weird, nothing is weird.

The good side of this is it makes him very open-minded to new and different things. He’ll accept just about anything and anyone. He’s not resistant to new ideas, and he’s got an advantage over a lot of other titans socially because he’s a lot more able to accept members of other species on their own terms. The bad side is that it makes him very uncritical—he’ll accept anything presented as the norm, often even negative situations that can and should be changed. And, very frequently, he just doesn’t think to ask questions: “when did THIS become a thing??” or “why are we doing this, exactly?” or “why is this the new normal” or even “IS this the new normal??” He’s as curious as any other titan, but he rarely asks questions, because if he doesn’t see anyone else asking questions he sort of assumes that everyone else already knows what’s up and so he should be figuring it out the way they did. So he observes closely and puzzles things out alone.

Also because he assumes Everything Is Normal, he’s oddly spontaneous—in the sense that, if a massive life change is thrown his way, he’ll decide whether or not he wants to roll with it for the next thousand years in about a minute. And then he’ll stick with it. Even if he doesn’t have to, even if circumstances change so that he COULD go back to how things were before, even if it gets a lot more difficult/complicated than he was expecting—he already made his decision, this is The New Normal, his old status quo is dead, he’s sticking with it. After the decision’s been made it’s next to impossible for him to let go of it unless a new decision is offered.

One of the biggest disappointments between what Rodan expected the world to be like and what it’s actually like is that there are a whole lot less people in it. There’s like… seventeen people. (Humans don’t count as people. You can’t talk to humans. Humans are to Rodan as bees are to humans: they make interesting clever geometric homes and they’ve clearly got a very complex organization system in their colony—they can even communicate information to each other, how interesting—but they certainly aren’t people.) And this is a shame because Rodan is a major extrovert. When there are other people around to bug, Rodan is there, bugging them. He’ll just flap around getting into other titans’ business and asking what they’re up to. He’s down for joining it, whatever it is. If they don’t want him joining, he might just find somewhere nearby to perch and watch. Other titans’ opinions of him vary from “he’s very friendly and helpful” to “he’s an obnoxious pain in the ass. And he’s violent, too.”

He’s so violent.

He’s one of the only titans who just, attacks people out of nowhere, for no reason. His species has got a permanent suit of armor on, so fighting doesn’t come at the same cost and risk to them as it does to other creatures, so they’ll skip past the intimidation displays and warnings that most other species use to try to avoid a fight and just charge straight in to battle. Which is why Ghidorah managed to completely KO him and he still thinks that was a courting dance rather than a real battle; his species’s courting dances can get that violent.

But, even beyond courting dances or defending himself and his territory? He’ll still pick fights, with anyone. He’ll pick fights with total strangers. He’ll see a titan, go “Hey there my name is Rodan what’s yours!” and dive for their eyes. He thinks fighting is fun! His life is a sports anime about martial arts whose main plot is a tournament arc and he’s the plucky happy-go-lucky protagonist who’s determined to win every fight and befriend every single opponent he defeats, while everyone else thinks they’re living in a medium-difficulty survival sim. It’s impossible to teach him not to attack strangers. If a new acquaintance tells him they don’t like fighting he will respect that and not do it again, but no matter how many people tell him they don’t want to fight, he will not stop going “maybe the next one will” and trying again.

Mothra, he’s learned, does not like fighting, and he understands how her reincarnations work just enough to know that he can’t attack new Moths the way he would a New Person; but every time Mothra’s reborn he’ll hope the new one likes fighting and ask. She’s always like “it’s still no” and he’s like, “someday. Someday.” He’s not sure why Boston was the exception, but thinks maybe she likes group brawls more than one-on-one fights? Maybe he’ll fight her the next time they’re in a group and see if she’s into that.

His favorite people are the ones willing to throw down, any time, any place. He sometimes mistakes eagerness to fight back as a confirmation of friendship rather than as, like, “I hate you so much I wanna kick your ass every time I see you” or something. Friends that spar together fly far together.

Aquatic titans are the few exceptions. They freak him out. Water is already an inherently terrifying location because you can’t breathe in it, you can’t stand on it and yet can’t fly through it, it washes off your armor—it’s just Bad, it’s a Bad Place. And then there are things in it?? Things living underneath the surface, unseen and unknown, that can crawl out when you’re asleep and try to eat you if you’re not completely under your lava? Gelatinous color-changing things? Long cold things that can wrap around you and crush you? Oh no. No thank you. Rodan doesn’t mess with that stuff. To him Godzilla is no King of the Monsters, he’s Ambassador of the Nightmares. He’s one of those terrifying subterranean guys except he’s got LEGS which somehow simultaneously makes him just barely tolerable but also a bigger threat than the other water things. Godzilla is Cthulhu in a business suit: an eldritch abomination masquerading as a normal person.

And, that’s about what I’ve got worked out so far. Since I’ve spent less time writing inside Rodan’s personality than Ghidorah’s, he’s less developed than they are lol. It’s a continually evolving work in progress

[mittensmorgul]

Welcome to today’s installment of The TNT Loop Is Specifically Attempting to Murder Mittens: an ongoing saga.

In today’s torment, we have 8.05, Blood Brother. I recently wrote something about Dean possibly considering his time in Purgatory during his current Identity Crisis in s15 as something he can feel was truly “pure,” as he’d said back in s8-- as a place where God wouldn’t have controlled their actions and choices, and yet he CHOSE to stay and try to save Cas, but also, Cas CHOSE to stay behind (because that was something Dean REALLY struggled with in early s8, the fact that Cas could just abandon him this way-- not only because Cas’s personal burden of guilt was so heavy he didn’t feel like he deserved to be saved from that place, and because he truly believed that Dean would be better off without him if he returned to Sam... and isn’t THAT all just the reflection of their current issues and suffering?).

But there’s a few specific lines/situations in this episode-- two episodes before Cas will be rescued from Purgatory and used against his will as a sort of brainwashed sleeper agent for Heaven. The horrifying themes of “what is real” and “what of all of this is my CHOICE versus what we are being manipulated into” seem INCREDIBLY relevant to the current canon situation in s15.

I’m incredibly tempted to suggest that everyone try to watch this episode before 15.04 airs this week, or at least take a gander at the transcript and refresh your memories about this particular bit of pain. Recall that 

Sam was also suffering the loss of a woman he’d loved in this part of s8 (and he’s just lost Rowena in s15, when his relationship with Amelia was always hinted at with an element of ~unreality~ and Sam using her to run away from his own reality, while his relationship with Rowena has always been coded with him EMBRACING himself and his reality) 

Kevin was out there doing ~mysterious prophety things~ attempting to decipher the tablet to close the gates of Hell (and in s15 Kevin’s soul is wandering the Earth while they’ve attempted to seal up the rift into Hell... what part will he again play by the end?)

Dean is absolutely CONVINCED of his grip on reality, believing his choices are his own and helps Benny come to terms with that... (despite us knowing that Benny never really does feel that he “fits” back on Earth and will eventually choose to stay in Purgatory by 8.19, and Dean is now on the other end of this conundrum in s15...)

Once Cas does return in 8.07, as he confirms in 8.08, he’s actively running from Heaven, from his own guilt, from his own fears (in 8.08 he will say he’s afraid to see what he’d made of Heaven, afraid he would kill himself if he had to face it... this... was not a happy time for Cas, and he was being ACtIVELY controlled by Heaven on top of all that. Like Dean feels he’s being controlled by Chuck now...)

Okay, with that baseline info, I’d like to point to a few specific things in 8.05 for current canon relevance.

First off, since Benny will figure into a lot of the things I’ll be discussing in this post, I need to establish what Benny tells Dean about what it’s like to be turned into a vampire, and the “loyalty” to one’s maker that is supposed to bring with it. Benny... never quite fit into his nest, which had always frustrated his maker (Benny refers to him as “A jealous god” among other things). Benny wasn’t an obedient son, and actually had the willpower to abandon his nest FOR LOVE. For a HUMAN. A woman who would (after Benny’s death) be claimed by that “jealous god” and turned into a vampire. Andrea didn’t have the will that Benny did, and becoming a vampire had destroyed the humanity that he’d loved her for in the first place. He’d gone to hunt his old nest to avenge Andrea’s murder, only to find her hopeful that Benny would kill their master and free her to become the new “god” of their nest. Meanwhile Benny clung to every shred of his own humanity that he could, in 8.09 even inserting himself into his great granddaughter’s life (family first, right?). By the time Dean calls Benny in 8.19, asking him for the ultimate favor to save Sam from Purgatory, Benny’s lost everything he’d thought he would have. Sure, he destroyed his old nest and all the vampires that had made him, but he’d also accepted that he truly didn’t fit into the world anymore. And that was something he was struggling with even back in 8.05. So with that in mind, let’s explore this episode a little deeper.

This exchange hit me in the face like a mallet:

BENNY: It's weird being back – in the world, I mean. Isn't it? DEAN: Sure as hell is. BENNY: I mean, what do you do with it all? All the – all the everything? Hell, I don't even know if this world is real, if I'm real. DEAN: Hey, listen to me. I’ve seen what happens down that rabbit hole, okay? We're real. Benny, this is real. It's the only way to play this game, you get me?

This is EXACTLY the conversation Dean was attempting to have with Cas in 15.02. Except Dean? He’s constructed his ENTIRE IDENTITY on this belief. This is is, to use his own words to Sam in 7.02, Dean’s “stone number one” that he built his entire identity on. This is his foundation, and in 14.20, Chuck shattered it.

Dean tells Benny he’s seen what happens down that rabbit hole, but Dean had never allowed himself to EXPERIENCE IT. He’s watched SAM go down that rabbit hole, he’d been that “stone one” for Sam. From 7.02:

Dean: I am your flesh-and-blood brother, okay? I'm the only one who can legitimately kick your ass in real time. You got away. We got you out, Sammy. Believe in that. Believe me, okay? You gotta believe me. You've gotta make it stone number one and build on it.

But Dean himself has never had his entire grip on reality shattered to the degree that 14.20 shattered him, and he has ZERO coping skills to apply to himself in this case. HE had always been his own Stone Number One, and Chuck took that from him. Chuck took CAS from him, too, because Chuck had given Cas to him in the first place. NOTHING is real to him right now. Just as nothing felt real to Benny after all his own ties to the world had been cut in s8.

For YEARS, Dean has been everyone else’s stone, but right now he’s a few handfuls of sand on the shore of a vast ocean determined to wash him away to nothingness. He’s failed in every respect, and there’s nothing to hold on to at all.

During the course of 8.05, Benny learns the truth of what happened versus what he’d always believed happened. Andrea hadn’t been killed by his nest, she’d been assimilated by them. His perceptions and understanding had been wrong, and the woman he’d pined for the entire time he’d been in Purgatory had been changed into something he didn’t even recognize anymore.

DEAN (on phone): I'm not alone, damn it. All right? I'm not alone. I've got backup – guy who's been tracking the nest for a while. SAM (on phone): What guy? Garth? DEAN (on phone): What? No. You don't know him. He's a friend. SAM (on phone): A friend? Dean, you don't have any – all your friends are dead. DEAN (on phone): That's not what I called to talk about!

LOL all Dean’s friends are dead... Like Benny, who’s a vampire, so... dead, technically...

BENNY: Andrea, what happened? The old man said he was gonna bleed you dry. ANDREA: I don't know. He changed his mind. I blacked out. When I woke up, I was drinking from his wrist. BENNY: I'm sorry. All this is because of me. I'm sorry. ANDREA: No. It's not your fault. You never hid anything from me, Benny. I chose you. BENNY: But why'd you stay... with them, with him? Why? ANDREA: You remember what it's like at first. First, everything resets. Life is blood. That's all. And whoever gives it to you – BENNY: I know. It's complicated. Every damn thing is complicated. ANDREA takes a large clasp knife from her waistband and holds it out to BENNY. ANDREA: It doesn't have to be. BENNY: Andrea. ANDREA: Benny, I can't kill him... [she tucks the knife into his jacket] ...none of us can. But you – you came back from the grave. You're proof that he's not all-powerful, that he's not God. He's scared of you, Benny – I know it.

What is choice, and what is about control, and circumstances beyond control. What power do we really have to choose for ourselves when circumstances affect us to this degree?

Meanwhile in Dean’s conversation with Sam, there’s so much hidden, so much each doesn’t understand about the other’s current situation partly because they’re both refusing to talk about these issues. Dean is refusing to talk about how painful the loss of Cas in his life is, or why he’s befriended a vampire (because Benny voluntarily saved Cas’s life in Purgatory despite his serious reservations about Dean’s attachment to Cas). Dean can’t talk about ANY of this because it’s just too painful to accept that Cas CHOSE to stay behind, without him).

and Meanwhile Meanwhile, with Sam, he’d spent the entire previous year living with the belief that Dean (and Cas) was already lost to him. Until Dean came back and dragged him out of his escapist fantasy life he’d built with Amelia. But that life had already shattered for Sam when Amelia’s husband was found alive, too. So... Sam knew even before Dean came back that Amelia wasn’t really his, and that Dean’s return wasn’t really the only thing standing between him and that “normal fantasy life.”  But it will take a long time for them both to fully understand and accept the whole entire truth of everything. Just like it’s gonna be a long painful slog through s15 before Dean and Cas are able to face the whole entire truth of what the other’s experience and emotions are.

And another interesting comment from Benny’s “god” figure:

BENNY: Why didn't you let her die? She meant nothing to you. BENNY’S MAKER: But she meant everything to you. If that's all I could salvage from my wayward son – the woman he defied his maker for – I wanted someone to remember you by.

Chuck’s now out for “revenge” against his “wayward sons,” yes? Let’s see how that goes for him.

And in Purgatory, we have the scene that leads up to Benny’s CHOICE to save Cas, against his own better judgment:

BENNY: Look, all I'm saying is I started seeing something in humanity, okay? Something that shouldn't be taken. I drink blood. I don't drink people. DEAN: And why the hell should I believe you? BENNY: What does it matter what you believe? You got your head so far up your ass, Dean, you don't even realize we're already done for. The angel knows it. We are never gonna make it with him next to us glowing like a beacon. DEAN: Do I need to remind you of our deal? Of what you committed to? BENNY: He is gonna get us killed. CASTIEL: We may get to test that theory. DEAN: More monsters? CASTIEL: Leviathan. DEAN: Why don't you blip out of here? CASTIEL: They're too close. I can't. Run.

Dean CHOSE to keep Cas close, WANTED him close, despite the risk to both him and Benny (the one being in this land of abominations who holds the key to Dean’s escape). And Benny started seeing something in Humanity. Which has been Cas’s deal since... forever... right? He saw something worth saving in humanity (and in Dean), and staked his EVERYTHING on it. Like Benny does staking HIS everything on Dean and their agreement.

Which makes Dean’s shattering in s15, after Cas had made his relationship with Dean his PRIMARY FEAR, and also the thing he struggled the hardest to maintain, to secure his place in Dean’s “family.”

(I know who you love, what you fear)

And this is why Dean shattering in s15 has also shattered Cas.

BENNY: You just gonna sit there? BENNY’S MAKER: You're right. I've been here so, so long, Benny, seen all the outcomes, all the patterns a trillion times. It all means so little. This universe is a pyramid of despair, nothing else. BENNY: A little dark. BENNY’S MAKER: I am evil, after all. At least I've had that much to keep me cold at night. You never had that, did you? Everything had to be thought about, considered. BENNY: You know what Socrates said about a life unconsidered. BENNY’S MAKER: Yes. But what we have in us? Benny, that's not life. That's what you still don't get. That's why it's always been so hard for you, my poor Benjamin. [...] BENNY’S MAKER: This is the one last thing I can take from you. BENNY: No. You try, damn it. You try and kill me again. BENNY’S MAKER: This is my story, you gnat. BENNY: Get up! BENNY’S MAKER: It ends the way I choose, not you. [BENNY hauls BENNY’S MAKER to his feet.] BENNY: Well, at least I can finally show you something new, old man. A whole new... [he flips open the large clasp knife ANDREA gave him] ...world.

And Benny kills him. So whose story was this, really? Who was making the choices? What’s even real?

While I was typing this up, 8.06, and now 8.07 have also played in the background. 8.06 entirely about the things left unsaid turning toxic, like a literal specter that festers away and breaks down relationships. I’ll sum up the takeaway from this by first quoting Garth’s line to Dean at the end of the episode. Garth, who was unaffected by the specter who fueled itself on vengeance, who has become a symbol in canon of “letting baggage go” because of this:

Garth:  Stop being a idjit! With Bobby dead, you and Sam are all each other has. And that's not so bad, man.

Yes, Dean thinks, and knows. Yes, it is bad. It wasn’t enough back then, and it’s absolutely not enough now. Which Sam proves to him in their very next non-conversation. Because Sam is so not telling the whole truth, even though he claims the moral high ground over Dean and his friendship with Benny. Sam is just... not affected by Cas’s loss the way Dean was. And is. And will be in the next run of s15. And Sam was not honest yet about his OWN loss of Amelia and everything she represented to him, which I hope will be different in s15 regarding his loss of Rowena. Because she, at least, was REAL to him. And Sam’s current issue isn’t a shattering of his entire sense of self, and his own attachment to reality as a concrete concept the way it is for Dean right now.

I’d continue yammering on about 8.07, and Dean’s reaction to getting Cas back (and his concern that Cas isn’t “all back,” and that something larger is at work here that he doesn’t yet understand), but this post is already way too long... >.>

[amnachil]

The College Society Chapter 3 Part 12

Here’s the next part ! One part left after this one for Chapter 3 !

Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey Monday March 4, in France

"Dude, it's fucking okay. You're out of the water for god sake. Calm down"

They were almost at the hotel. Fuck this cruise. Fuck this trip. Fuck these guys. How the hell the fatty roommate managed to fall in the Seine exactly ? Well, to fall. This moron probably didn't go there all by himself. He looked dumb, but not that dumb. Anyway, the real question was : why he, Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey, decided to bring him back to the hotel once they had pull him out of the water ? Why he, Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey, the god among the hunters, was nice to the baboon's friends ? I hate my life. But I'm also so eager to see my fuckin' boyfriend. Damnit.

"I'm sorry." muttered the fatty roommate (what was is name again ?). "I ruined the day."

"Don't open this stupid mouth of yours to talk nonsense." replied the Dean's grandson. "You fell into the water, you had the fucking right to lose your shit. And these filthy assholes who laughed can go eat dicks in their mother's pussy."

The freshman looked at him with amazement.

"You sure are swearing a lot when Liam isn't around." he noted.

Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey did not answer. It wasn't worth it. To be clear, yes he had spent a good weekend with his baboon's friends. Yes, they were good people. But who cared ? Yeah, this damned Nate had some sense of humor after all. Yes, Colton was a pure good heart built like a gigolo. And yeah, Nick (now he remembered his name) was a freakin' genius. But seriously, the best hunter wasn't here to make friend. Definitely not. They arrived at the hotel at that moment.

"Thank you." says the dark-haired lad. "I'll take a shower and I'll work with Liam on our group project. What are you going to do during this time ?"

"Don't know. Don't care."

He hadn't planned anything. He just went in France for the baboon, and he did not know what to do without him. I can't even believe I thought this. Am I really dependent on him now ? Quite pissed by is own stupidity, Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey just left.

For a while, he just wandered in the streets, at least to calm down. I need to bang someone. He was tore apart between two opposed feelings. A rational part of him only needed sex. Another, stupid and weak, desesperatly wanted Liam. I'm like a fuckin' teenager. I hate it. Finally, he went in a nightclub with the hope to pick up a chick or two. French people knew how to make a good party. It was loud and noisy, but also very sexual. They had their own way to dance, more sensual, more appealing. At first, Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey had great fun. And he found a guy more than eager to please him. They ended up in his apartment for sex. Trust me, you won't wake up after that. They banged in every corner of the flat. The Dean's grandson was so demading. Only he pictured Liam with him, and not this random dude. For god sake. The more he was thinking about the baboon, the hornier he was. He could feel his sweet and wide hands cuddling his body. He could imagine the contact of his strong chest. He wanted to stroke his soft belly. To squeeze his ass.

"Je suis rentré." shouted someone.

It stopped this stupid asshole who obviously wasn't Liam to continue. C'mon. You would not let me so horny, would you ? The idiot who interrupted them arrived in the living room. When he noticed them, he opened his mouth wide, like a big and really dumb carp. I saw him somewhere.

"You... You were with Liam last night." he said.

Now I recall. It was this bloody hell ex-boyfriend. Kevin, Kilian or whatever. Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey understood he wasn't gonna get laid anymore tonight. He put his pants back, annoyed.

"Wait, before you leave... Can you tell me how is Liam ?" asked this blonde guy. "I mean, we didn't have the time to discuss yesterday."

The Dean's grandson scrutinized him. He was very tall, at least 1m90 (6'3"), and rather imposing. Well, I fucked almost the whole football team of my university, and some of them were bigger.

"Look, whatever you want from Liam, just forget it. He doesn't need any extra problem right now."

His bestfriend's situation plus his family, it was enough.

"It was just a question." mumbled the other.

"A stupid question."

Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey didn't wait for an answer. He left this brat and went back to the hotel.

When he arrived, the baboon had already fallen asleep. Same for the fatty roommate. But Nate was waiting in the corridor, looking a bit weird. What more ? I'm done being the fuckin' shrink of everyone for today. But when he came closer, he realised the dwarf wasn't just a bit weird, he was literally crying.

"Bud'. What's wrong ?" he asked with a more gentle tone than he intended to.

"I... Sorry..."

Nate took a moment to calm down. He sniffed loudly.

"You weren't supposed to see me like this." he mumbled.

"Dude. I saw the worst part of you, this is nothing."

Honestly, Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey did not care at all about this short guy. Am I, really ? He was just fooling himself, right ? I hate all these feelings which cross my mind. He never felt the need to help anyone, well maybe except Archie and Zack, and now here he was.

"It's harder than I thought." confessed Nate. "To be normal again I mean. I truly need a talk with Archie right now."

The junior sat down next to his friend (let's call him that way and fuck it) in silent.

"Thank you for having introduced him to me by the way. Archie helps a lot."

"Well he's experienced some rough stuff too." replied Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey. "And you shouldn't try to act normal after what happened. Whatever happened. You seems smart enough to know this wasn't a random accident."

A blank followed. Of course, Nate did not want to remember this dreadful night. Me neither.

"Look midget, I need to ask." grumbled the Dean's grandson. "I already know what we're talking about, but I wonder... Am I fuckin' protecting a criminal who did a truly stupid and horrible mistake ?"

Better that than a sociopath with very good acting skills... Nate remained quiet for a while. His eyes showed all his suffering.

"No." he finally responded miserably. "You're helping a weak, pathetic and unworthy person. An idiot as you say, who can't even protect himself. Who can't even take care of himself."

He started to cry again. Fuck this wicked world. Fuck these assholes who thinks they can do whatever they want without the consent of the others. I hate them so much. Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey hugged the midget. It reawakened bad memories of a miserable Archie.

"You're not unworthy." he whispered. "And I will find all the help you need."

He dialed Archie's number. Thankfully, it was dawn back home and the quaterback replied. The blond lad gave him to Nate, and only when he was sure the boy was okay, he left silently. I'll have to talk with D.R about this one day or another...

Liam Tuesday March 5, in France

In other circumstances, the young lad would have enjoyed this visit of the economics departement. After all, he had a wonderful breakfast before, and he was feeling nice. But he sensed the force of evil everywhere. This morning, Nate wasn't feeling great, and he had stayed at the hotel with Dami. In the meantime, Liam and his group were supposed to work on their project. But it's like the Cold War. Nick was sulking. He still resented Rebecca, but he also seemed to dislike Barbara. The two girls were mean and they often mocked the poor major of their promotion. As for Colton, he tried his best to apease the tension, without any success yet. So Liam did what he did the best. He let his mind ramble. He imagined himself in a paradise. There were living pancakes everywhere. They begged him to eat them. (Liam is a nice guy, you all know that. So he kindly agreed to ate them.) (Ate them ALL). Nick brought him back into reality with a nudge.

"Now, you'll split into your groups." was saying their professor. "Students from the Economic College of Paris will guide you."

Liam followed his roommate towards a group of students, but he froze when he saw them. Tell me it's not happening. Why ? Am I cursed ? Kilian was right here, looking straight at him.

"My god. Kilian is that you ?" asked Barbara. "You have grown so much. My lord, you're so impressive !"

Their old classmate thanked her.

"It's nice to see you again Barb'." he said. "Liam."

Send help. Send help. Send help. (Liam knew his internal screams weren't helping at all.) (But maybe Dami would hear him ? His boyfriend could read minds, right ?).

"Okay, this is weird." intervened Nick. "Can we start the tour ?"

Kilian smiled.

"Of course. Follow me."

It was a true nightmare. An impossible situation. Liam was running right into his death. (Maybe not, but he always loved a bit of drama). What should I say ? What can I say ? He knew Kilian had left the United States after the... incident to go back to France. But what were the odds they would meet again here, in Paris ? I'm convinced this is an international scheme to destroy me and the unicorns.

"Dude, you're so tensed." murmured Nick. "What's the deal with your ex anyway ?"

Liam did not answer. He was truly panicing. Without Nate or Dami to support him, he was completely lost. And what if his new boyfriend discovered the story ? He'll hate me. He'll realise how unwrothy I am.

"I need to go. Far far far away. Right now."

He didn't wait for an answer. He wanted to avoid a panic attack.

Because he wasn't thinking clearly, Liam finally got lost in the building. A bit relieved to be alone, he sat on a bench and got his breath back. What am I supposed to do ? His mother never prepared him for a moment like that ! (He wasn't blaming her, but she could have anticipated right ?) (Educate your children to face their exes ! It's crucial !).

"Why did you run away ?" asked suddenly a voice he recognized (much for his displeasure).

Kilian looked curiously at him. (How he managed to find him ? Did a witch lead him here ?) His ex-boyfriend smiled softly.

"You know, I'm very surprised to see you here, but it's nice."

"What do you mean, it's nice ?" asked Liam, surprised.

"Well, we never spoke since... the middle of 12th grade. Since what happened. I never had the chance to thank you."

"To thank me."

Right, Kilian had lose his mind. The french food must have turned him crazy.

"I almost killed you with my stupid plan." recalled Liam. "I... I have been selfish, reckless and stupid. How come you want to thank me ?"

"You kiddin' right ? My parents blame you, but I don't. It wasn't your idea, but ours. And it was the first and only time someone wanted to take so much risk for me. I owe you Liam, for real."

It was too much for the chestnut lad. He wasn't able to come to terms with all that stuff.

"I thought..." he mumbled. "I thought you resented me. It's what your parents said."

"They lied to you obvious... Wait... you blamed yourself for what happened ? Oh man I didn't know you were putting so much on yourself. I'm sorry Liam, it must have been hard for you."

Hard for me ? He had been through hell with this story. The freshman couldn't think clearly. Everything he thought about Kilian was... false ?

"The others are here." whispered his ex-boyfriend. "Look, once this tour is over, I think it would be nice to talk. I can't tonight but maybe tomorrow night ?"

Liam only nodded, completely lost. Does that mean... I blamed myself for months for nothing ?

Barbara Tuesday March 5, in France

It was better than everything she had planned so far. Way better. She never expected Kilian to be here, in Paris. But this is a godsend. I will make the most of it. Catch Liam would be hard for her, but for his ex ? All she needed to do was to bring back them together for one night. One night and she would dethrone Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey. Afterwards, it would be chaos, and she would appear as a savior for the university. This is perfect.

"Your smile is so creepy. I kind of like it."

Barbara turned towards Matthew. He was almost living in their bedroom with the two girls. I'm glad they didn't have sex while I was here.

"I just came up with a good plan for my next move." she explained. "Soon enough, you'll be proud to be close with the queen."

He snorted.

"You mean, all of this was to be the queen of the university ? Oh man, that's funny."

"Why ?"

"It's nothing." he mysteriously replied. "Good luck girl."

She left one hour later. The short girl had done some research before. Apparently, Kilian  had moved in France approximately one year ago, in the middle of 12th grade. Well, after this sad incident with Liam. He was living with his uncle, and was studying this year as a freshman at the local university. He had multiple friends, but no boyfriend in sight. Which meant he was avaible. Barbara also managed to find his adress, so she came right at his home. When he openned the door, she felt again surprised by his height. He is so tall now.

"Barbara ? What brings you here ?" he asked.

"Hey Kilian. I wanted to talk, in memory of old times."

And at first, they did. They lengthly shared memories. He was nicer, more talkative than she remembered. Well, his parents were beating the crap out of him, and the whole highschool bullied him. No wonder he feels better now. Eventually, she led the subject towards her main concern.

"It's nice to see you." she laughed. "I mean, I was already surprised when I met Liam at my university."

She glimpsed a shining light in Kilian's eyes. He wanted to talk about him. Nice. Maybe the story she heard from Jessy wasn't completly right.

"Yeah, it was quite a surprise for me too..."

A little blank followed. She sensed he wanted to add something. He was so predictable.

"I never wanted things to end like this." he whispered. "I would love to... come back in time. I missed him, you know ?"

"He missed you too." she revealed. "He told me."

A little lie can't hurt. Kilian didn't know she wasn't her friend anymore. He would trust her.

"Really ? It doesn't seem like that..." he mumbled. "I mean, he looks so paniced everytime I'm around. We barely had a normal conversation. He was so stressed."

You sure have confidence now. He was way more assertive than before, and it was kind of attractive. Liam can fall for that.

"Well, it's... Look, I'm not supposed to say this but... Liam fell into the wrongs hands. There's a guy who uses him for sex."

Kilian frowned. Please, believe it. It was the hardest part of the plan. She needed him to trust this.

"Is this by the aggressive guy ? The one with scary eyes ?"

"Yes. How do you know ?" she wondered, surprised.

"He was here last night." explained Kilian with a bit of rancor. "He was having sex with my cousin all over the place."

Oh man. Damian Nicholas Smith-Carrey was playing against himself. That was so ironic.

"I think... the best way to help Liam would be to reveal what you're feeling." she stated. "You want him right ? As your boyfriend ? I'm sure you two will work together. Just tell him."

Kilian barely hesitated.

"Okay. I'll give it a try. I don't like him being exploited by this bad guy anyway."

And now, this is the fall of the king.

To be continued

Well things are escalating. Kilian’s in the place and it changes everything. What will happen to Liam and Dami now uh ? Will they escape the dangerous plan of Barbara ? We’ll see that soon :)

[luci-cunt]

Warning for a long ranting post written by a writing nerd about cool ways to write the beginnings of your stories using Star Wars and All For the Game as examples:

[TL;DR (I don’t blame you): I think Neil’s status as an active protagonist rather than a reluctant protagonist/ the way his story as a character is presented to us is a really cool and seemingly unique way to open a story, and maybe if I break it down and analyze it so people can understand what’s so cool about it they’ll write more stories like it so I can read them XD]

I just really, really like how AFtG opens up, how it begins, I feel like it’s such a cool and unique example of storytelling. (granted maybe I just haven’t read enough books and y’all can think of five that do the same thing–if you do please rec them to me I need books like these XD)

Anyways, I think first to really explain my thinking we should look at almost any other story, say–idk Star Wars for relatability’s sake.

Luke Skywalker is a regular ass farmboy until circumstances occur and he needs to join up with the rebels and gets tossed ass-over-teacup into a badass adventure with light swords and a magical force literally called the force.

that vs.

Neil Josten is a runaway, he plays exy despite the fact that it’s dangerous, and then joins a bigger team but instead of trying to avoid his fate he just resigns himself to the fact that he’s not making it through the year. 

Already, I can spot a few differences–

1. Neil isn’t a reluctant protagonist 

2. Neil’s inciting incident isn’t shown

But also some similarities?

a. Both worlds are outrageous but still awesome

b. Both worlds are also grounded in reality despite this outrageousness

Now to delve deeper: 

1. When I say Neil isn’t a reluctant protagonist I’m refering to the trope of “protagonist lives a normal life until [insert inciting event (for Luke it’s his Aunt and Uncle being killed)] forces them to don the cape and mask and save the day” personally I love this trope and it works well for world building since you can make your protagonist a fish out of water which makes expositing easier. But– Neil isn’t a reluctant protagonist. 

He actively chooses to join the Foxes not in spite of the dangers but despite them. Unlike Luke, who doesn’t know any of the events that will happen after he joins the rebels (e.g. finding his father/becoming a superstar of the galaxy/being pivotal in the destruction of the Empire/etc.) things just happen to him. 

Again: this isn’t a bad way to write your story, I live for reluctant protagonists and this way also has a lot of comedic potential especially if your reluctant protagonist really just doesn’t want to be there. 

But I digress– Neil actively causes the entire plot, he basically spoils the whole book for us actually. I mean, he says at the beginning that by joining the Foxes Riko or Kevin will probably recognize him (which happens) which will lead to Riko fucking with him (check) and then his father will probably end up finding him (check check) which will end badly (yup). Neil, just automatically resigns himself to the fact that all this will happen and he won’t live through the year. By him joining the Foxes, he’s creating the entire plotline, which makes him an active protagonist rather than a reluctant one. 

2. Neil’s inciting incident in the books (just like most books) I think is kind of debatable, is it when Andrew, Kevin and Wymack come to recruit him? Is it when Riko first recognizes him at the Kathy Ferdinand show? Personally, and for the sake of this long ass think piece, I’m saying it’s Mary’s death. This launches him into the hopeless state we see at the start of the books that leads him to decide to throw his (admittedly bad) life away to play the sport that will kill him. But, interestingly enough–we don’t see it. 

With Luke we get a slice of his normal life, how he’s restless but likes life and has a good family, then when they’re killed we all understand why he’s joining the rebels. 

But with Neil, we don’t see Mary die, we just get vaguely alluded to it. He smokes because it reminds him of his mother, and how it sounded like velcro when he tried to pull her body out of the car. 

This is interesting because it gives the reader the impression that Neil’s life has been rough, so rough that his mother’s death is just another thing to live through for Neil. We can gather that Mary was important to him, but at the end of the day she’s gone and Neil’s still here and he’s just surviving. 

THIS IS SO INTERESTING!!!!!!

I mean, talk about show don’t tell, I think this opening for a book is just fucking AMAZING.

(though I will admit the actual opening chapter for AFtG is a bit confusing and lowkey a lot to read though because at least the first book is really heavy on exposition. But again, this is mainly because Neil is an active protagonist and therefore is very knowledgeable about his situation. I think the way she (Nora Sakovic) presents this exposition as a character trait in that Neil analyzes every situation he’s in, is super creative and cool, but it doesn’t mean reading through alllllll that exposition, while necessary, is any fun. lmao)

sorry for another digression XD

a/b. Both Star Wars and All for the Game are outrageously awesome stories rooted in reality. For Star Wars it’s pretty blatant: there is magic, fantasical creatures, space, but it’s all supposed to follow specific rules/ laws and there’s a very familiar fascist-esque force ruling the galaxy.

For AFtG there’s mafia and a fictional sport and weird drugs and on and on, but it’s all grounded in real laws and rules and consequences we (as readers) are familiar with. 

I mean, just take the character of Andrew Minyard for an example of crazy rooted in reality (albiet a very gritty reality)–

An unmarried mother had twins, she couldn’t keep them both so he got sent to foster care, where he was abused and treated like shit from an early age. So far that’s pretty realistic right? Then things get a bit of a Nora specialty twist on them because Andrew rediscovers his twin brother later in life, and then, in order to protect Aaron from Andrew’s current abuser, he gets himself locked in jail. Getting a little less relatable right? (I just mean like, this doesn’t happen every day) THEN, he gets out and goes to live with his biological mother, who–due to the stress of being a single mother (and possibly past events) she’s turned to drugs, raising her son into the addiction and ostracizing herself from her other family. Andrew, because of the way he grew up, has grown to understand that giving people chances = pain. So, when he makes the deal with Aaron, and even gives Tilda a chance just for Aaron, the only option in his mind is to permanently get rid of her.

Crazy, rooted in reality, it makes for a super intriguing balance that is so much fun to play with. Other examples of this are like the show Archer, which is more comedic and also a cartoon but it uses the cartoon world to make things funny but grounded in realism. For example, the main characters worst fears are aneurysms and alligators, those are real fears despite his outlandish, cartoony personality. 

I don’t know how to conclude things, but I guess what I tried writing out in a short paragraph that turned into a whole fucking essay, is that–active protagonists are just as fun to read as reluctant ones, and I feel like I see so many reluctant protagonists that it’s refreshing to get this new perspective. 

(Also I think it contributes to why I personally feel more interested in writing/ reading fanfics, since before AFtG I’d never written/read any because it seemed odd to continue a story that had ended, especially if the characters where reluctant protagonists since most fanfics change to active protagonists. NOT that fanfic’s on other stories are bad, that’s not what I’m saying at all, I LOVE fanfic I just think–for me at least–AFtG fanfic seems more interesting because it almost makes sense? If that makes any sense?)

Idk, I’m tired and rambling now and idk if anyone will actually read through all of this but I had to write it all out, thanks for reading if you did!!!