#but i also love jump/grief/alright/sorry

[tony-andonuts]

I wish i could hack into every device on earth and make everyone listen to bulldog eyes they are sooOOoooo slept on

[axelsagewrites]

Hey, how are you? Do you accept request for Otto Hightower?

I wanted something for "marrying Otto Hightower and being the younger sister of the late Queen Aemma Targaryen." Aemma's sister came to court her lost, however, things go wrong and Aemma ends up passing away and her baby also dies hours later. Otto Hightower, widower, hand of the King, with no heir (here, Otto and his first wife had no children, so Alicent was not born yet) and with the stain of his wife's terrible reputation hanging over him, Otto needs a second wife. What happens when he finds himself attracted to the late queen's sister?

Come on, it's supposed to be something light, where Otto doesn't have all that sick ambition to see his blood burning on the throne and having true friendship and loyalty towards Viserys and, of course, having sincere devotion and love for his dear wife. I hope this request reaches you well ❤️ (If I made you uncomfortable, let me know, i'm sorry)

Otto Hightower*My Honour

Pairing: otto x targ!f!reader

Word count: 1628

Warnings: mentions Aemma and her sons death, grief, praying to cope, angst

A/n: alicent doesnt exist in this one

Often times you wondered if staying in kings landing was worth it. it was here you lost your sister and nephew not to mention all the previous children she had to mourn and never hold. You had come a week prior to her labour and eventual death to help but after you felt useless. Perhaps if Rhanerya had not begged you to stay you would have left these haunted halls. After all she was only eight when her mother died.

It was hard to even walk through the halls most days. Every stone, every path, every flower a reminder of her. the sting only grew deeper when Baelon died. A son, an heir, all for what?

You could see the grief etched into Viserys’ face but that did little to comfort you. It was hard to even look at the man you previously considered like a brother. most days the only one you spoke to was Rhanerya.

If people said hello in the halls, you bowed your head and smiled and walked on. When they approached with sympathies during dinners you did the same. Very few words escaped your lips especially since each greeting was met with a sorry look from the lords and ladies who didn’t even truly know your sister enough to mourn her. You weren’t the only one to have suffered a loss recently, however.

On your near daily trips to the sept to pray for your sister, nephew, and niece, you would see Otto Hightower deep in thought. He’d come to Kings Landing with his wife a few years ago to serve Viserys however she had died only weeks earlier.

You’d met her only once and while she was kind enough, she was not the typical wife of a lord.  She tended to walk a fine line of what was acceptable at court and if the rumours and what daemon himself had told you see it was rare that her husband was the one to share her bed.

The marriage had been arranged, like they all are. You understood his position. You had tried to love your first husband though you did not cry when he fell out the moon door during a joust. Still, you mourned like Otto did. Now even more so.

This morning was like all others. You ate with Rhanerya, helped ready her for her lessons, then walked to the sept. however, as you walked something different happened. “Good morning my lady,” Otto greeted as he caught up behind you.

You jumped a little having not heard his soft footsteps. “My lord, sorry I did not see you,”

“It is quite alright. The fault is mine,” he gave a tight-lipped smile you’d seen a few times from him. “Good day my lady,”

Otto went to increase his pace, assuming your silence was a want for absence, but you found yourself no longer able to be quiet, “My lord,” you called. Otto paused, turning to listen, “Would you care to walk to the sept with me this morning?”

A small smile quirked on his lips, “It would be a joy my lady,”

Each morning from then he would join you on your way to and from the sept. at first no words were spoken. Then only a few. Never about death though. It was refreshing as selfish as it sounded. A time when you didn’t have to think of those you lost. Soon it was hard to end the conversation.

“You must ride on the back of her one time. You’ll get to see all the fun,” you laughed after recounting a story of your dragon’s adventures.

Otto laughed but you could see a little green in his skin, “No I think my feet shall remain firmly on the ground, but your offer is very kind my lady,”

As you arrived the sept a small smile found its way on your lips, “You don’t have to call me that. I have a name you know?”

“Really?” he teased, “I must’ve forgotten it,” you rolled your eyes, feigning shock and ignorance as you told him your name like it was a scandal, “What a beautiful name. much better than a name like Otto,”

“You’re so right. Only a cruel person would name their son Otto,” you teased before quickly hiding your smiles when the septas walked out.

As you were both leaving the sept Otto was inspired by your previous affection to return the same, “It may not be as exciting as a dragon but perhaps you would like to join me one night for dinner?”

You stayed silent for a moment as you walked and Otto could feel the sweat gathering on his forehead, “Would this be one of your dinners with the king and other lords or a private affair?”

“Which ever you preferred,” he said, swallowing hard.

A small smile on your lips put him at ease, “I’m free tonight,”

Soon you were laughing in the halls again. Stopping to talk to people again. Having conversations again. Viserys took joy in this, glad to finally see you back to your previous state. Though he could not help being sceptical of Otto.

He trusted him with his life, but he did not know if he could trust him with yours, “Have you seen much of my wife’s sister of late?” he asked one night after all the other lords had left the high council meeting.

Otto swallowed the lump in his throat, “No more than usual. Why my king?”

“No reason. Her condition seems much improved as of late,” he mused, watching his friend’s reaction carefully.

“Grief is a wild beast,” Otto said, revealing as little as he could.

Viserys however needed to know more, “My wife made me swear when we married. ‘if we become family then mine becomes yours and yours becomes mine’. Ever since I’ve seen her as a sister figure of sorts.”

“You’re very kind to her your grace,” Otto shifted in his chair.

Viserys sat back in his, “I’ve had a few lords ask me about her hand since her fathers and husbands passing you know?” Otto went stiff, “all arrogant, obnoxious lords, Aemma didn’t even like when she was alive,”

“She was always a good judge of character,”

“I like to think I am as well,” Otto went to speak but Viserys didn’t stop talking, “I imagine the offers will stop when the rumours spread further,”

“What rumours- “

“Please Otto I am not blind!” Viserys almost barked making Otto go still, “if your attentions are anything but pure, if you think you can use her as something to breed-“ Viserys tirade went on though if anyone else was in the room you’d see his guilt was wrapped in the speech, “then you have lost your mind. She is not something for me to sell, I wont do it, I wont let history repeat. So Otto I swear to whatever gods may exist don’t think I will not replace you,”

The room went eerily silent and was only broken after Otto painfully cleared his throat, “I would like an heir yes however,” he spoke up quickly when he saw Viserys face harden, “However it is not my main desire. I wish to marry, marry someone I care deeply for, someone who I picked and who picked me in return, and to have a child, a child as beautiful as your own daughter who I could bond with like you have. I wish for a family Viserys but only with her. and if she does not want me then I shall leave her be. I don’t wish to cause more harm,”

The hardness washed off the kings face, “If she does not want you? Have you not been courting her?”

“Not officially your grace. The topic it hasn’t came up,”

“What do you even do?”

“We talk,”

“Talk?”

“Yes. Talk,” he said, shuffling forward to gossip like they did when they were younger, “about anything and everything. About the flowers in the gardens and historical figures. Or the moon the night before or the sunrise that morning. We talk and talk and the conversation never dries up. She is charming and witty and more brilliant than any man- any person I’ve ever met,”

Viserys sat silently for a few moments, “You love her?” his words made Otto pause.

“I do. Even if she does not love me,”

“Then I think its about time you find out if she does,”

The walk around the castle gardens was only made better by Otto’s company. He listened as you told him about Rhanerya’s improvement in needle work and what you’d seen on your recent flights. However, his mind seemed to be wondering with each word. “Are you alright my lord?”

Your words snapped him from his thoughts and his mouth had never felt dryer, “May I ask you a question my lady?”

“You just did,” you teased, something he’d usually roll his eyes at, “but I will allow another,”

You expected a joust back but instead he took a deep breath making you pause in your tracks, “I was wondering if you’d attend the king’s birthday celebration with me?”

“I already told you I was going?” you said, head tilted to the side in confusion.

Otto took another deep breath. There was no going back, “I’m not asking if you are going. I’m asking if when we both attend, we attend together. As a couple if you will,” he stayed silent waiting for your response.

The blank look on your face made him panic but a small smirk slowly crept on your face, “Are you asking to court me lord Otto Hightower?”

“I suppose I am,” the smile returned to his lips.

“Then it would be my honour,”

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[nathanbatemanfucker]

In Plain Sight: Tiana

summary: nathan does his best to support you.

pairing: nathan bateman x f!reader, f!reader’s mother (Tiana)

contents: this entire series is 18+, sick parent, parent death, grief, panic attacks, existential crisis, support!nathan

wc: 1,360

an: this one is a bit heavy so do heed the warnings. we also jump around in the timeline so it is important to have read previous parts or it won’t make much sense. be gentle with yourselves on this one

in plain sight masterlist | TIONB | planted | little hamlet

3 Weeks before To Atomize*

The day you told your mother about Nathan was one of her last good days. Many, many bad days came after. Celia— her nurse— sent you the usual report before you left to go home. It said that your mother had slept most of the day and gotten a burst of energy.

When you got home that day, she was propped up, watching some soap opera with mild interest. Seeing her genuine smile when you walked through the door had made your heart flutter.

You made her favorite tea, and brought a book to read though you really had wanted to talk to her, not at her. With working, taking care of your sisters, and her health you found that you didn’t get to do that much anymore. Talk with your mother, hearing her thoughts and opinions, her praises and suggestions. Feeling her intentional love. You crave it.

“Have you told your sisters?”

“No— I will. I wanted to tell you first.”

Her brows raise and teasingly she murmurs, “You’re serious about him.”

“I am,” You say through a laugh.

Her smile is so warm, like the sun, the corners of her eyes crinkling, “You love him.”

“I’m not sure yet.”

“But you could?”

“I could.”

“Don’t be afraid to.”

“That’s easier said than done, mama.”

She sighs patiently, shifting more on her side so that she can look directly at you, “Does he love you?”

You grow warm under her serious gaze. You don’t particularly like thinking about Nathan feeling more deeply for you. He’s assured you that he’s in this for the long haul— that he’s ‘spoken for’ but words and actions are very different things. He hasn’t done anything to show he words aren’t true…yet. “I think so. He acts like it.”

“Then let him.”

“Mama—“

“When you find a man that treats you the way you’re meant to be treated, you can’t be scared, darling.”

“But it’s scary.”

“You’ve done so many scary things in your life. You’ve watched my health fluctuate with a brave face. You’ve raised those girls out there. And now you’re on the cusp of falling in love. A beautiful girl with a beautiful heart. Everything will work out how it’s meant to.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“I’m not. Isn’t that more reason to grasp it while you can?”

“I don’t know mama, this is all so existential.”

“Promise me something.”

“Anything, mama.”

“Promise me you won’t waste the time. If you want him, if you love him, then don’t waste any time. When the time comes, let yourself as openly and honestly as you possible can. Promise me?”

“I promise.”

—

Present Day (5 months after Family Dinner)

“Honey?”

Nathan’s voice pulls you out of the haze that you seem to always be slipping into now that your mother is gone. It’s hard, not wanting to escape into memories so that it feels like she’s here.

You give him a wane smile, “Hey.”

“I’ve been calling you,” He says softly, sliding onto the couch beside you.

You sigh, shaking your head a little as if that’ll clear the fog, a task that you imagine will take years. “Sorry, I’m just…”

“I know, sweetheart. It’s alright,” He assures you, draping an arm behind you on the couch. His brows are pinched with worry— an emotion you’re still trying to get used to seeing on his face.

You sit up on the edge of the couch abruptly, looking around. Where’s your phone? Your laptop? “Wait, what time is it?”

“Almost 4.”

“I wasted my entire day here?”

“You didn’t waste it. You said you wanted some space, I gave it to you.”

“But this is the only day of the week that I stay this long anymore. You didn’t have to give me that much space.”

“There’s next week and the week after that…and the week after that. I could keep going but I hope you’re understanding our situation here,” He teases gently, running his hand over your back.

You lean out of his comforting touch, feeling guilty. “It’s not, I should be cherishing my time with you. Who knows when—“

He cuts you off immediately. He’s had this conversation with you multiple times since your mother’s passing. He doesn’t want you to focus on him— but on yourself and your sisters, on getting you all through this. “Hey, uh uh, don’t do that. Don’t go there.”

You’re already there. You’ve been there for weeks now. All you can think about is life slipping out of your grasp. Of not having the words or the feelings to make the time dwindling in front of you feel like it's enough. Your chest feels tight, and you scoot further away from him trying to keep yourself centered. Its futile attempt, everything’s all out of whack, you can’t find your balance, your emotions sway and crash around you unpredictably like the waves of a seastorm.

“But, it’s true. I could lose you today or tomorrow. I could lose you right now, you could have some fucked up brain vessel or something. You could choke o-or fall o-or– and Philippa, Emma–”

He cups your hands in his chest, brown eyes soft and desperate as he tries to calm you down. “Honey. I need you to take it down a notch and breathe, you’re gonna give yourself a panic attack.”

“I don’t— I can’t—“ You gulp frantically, feeling your breath grow shallow.

“She was sick,” He whispers, pulling you flush to his chest. “She was sick, sweetheart, there was nothing to be done. I’m healthy, I’m here— so are your sisters. We can get them check ups every month, get them checked out by oncologists as much as you want. Whatever you need to make you feel alright.”

“I feel like I’m going insane. How can having less to do and worry about make me insane?” You say through tears.

Nathan hates seeing you like this. He’s never hated anything more than seeing you in pain. He wishes he could take it away— he would do anything, pay any amount of money, invent any program if it meant that you could have some reprieve.

“Stop. You’re not insane, you’re grieving. Studies say there’s no right way— trust me I’ve looked high and fucking low for a methodology— but you’ve gotta take it as it comes, sweetheart. I’ll be here, right beside you the whole time.”

You’re quiet for a long time, letting Nathan hold you. He rocks you side to side, brushing soft, tickling kisses across your temple and forehead. You focus on the rise and fall of his chest, allowing your breathing to mimic his own. He’s warm and solid against you. He’s right here. Living and breathing and talking right beside you. He’s right here.

Finally you say, “I don’t want to take it as it comes. I want to feel okay again.”

“If I could make it so baby, I would,” He whispers, squeezing you a little tighter.

“I know. I’m sorry. Thank you Nathan.”

He cups your face, guiding your gaze to his own– its unyielding and firm. No nonsense. “You don’t apologize to me, alright? Ever.

He’s been more like that since your mom’s passing. More directive and firm, guiding and caring for you in ways that were necessary before. It’s exactly what you need right now. And sometimes, it has those butterflies settling in your stomach and heat simmering in your veins.

You refocus on him where your gaze had gone a little blurry. “Not even if I accidentally knee you in the nuts?”

Nathan pretends to consider your ridiculous question. “I shouldn’t have had my nuts where your knees are.”

“You may be the closest specimen to a perfect man.”

“I mean it honey, don’t apologize to me for this. I won’t accept it and I’ll yell you every single time.”

You raise a brow at him, “Yell?”

“Yell.”

“You’ve never yelled at me, not even when you were just my boss.”

“Maybe I’m exaggerating,” He allows, grinning at you mischievously.

“You are.”

“Maybe I’m not.”

“Trying to keep me guessing?”

He presses a chaste kiss to your mouth, and then another and another, addicted. “Always, baby.”

nathan taglist: @missdictatorme, @hon3yboy, @runa-falls, @campingwiththecharmings, @toracainz, @steven-grants-world, @clemdango04, @jdbxws, @crispysublimecupcake, @sub-aro, @faretheeoscar, @cupidysm, @whentheskyispinkandabitblue, @nova-ivy541, @sparkypantelones, @veritable-trash, @mangoslushcrush, @thhriller, @tenderhornynihilist, @queerponcho, @redcake333

[runawrites-blog]

Until The Break Of Dawn Ch. 7 (Josh Washington x Reader)

Summary: You plan on making your escape with your friends but it's not easy. (Female Reader) Warnings: Talk of Mental Health. Grief. Reader has to let go of the last gift her father gave her. Fire. Wendigos. Specific warnings will be posted in the notes of each chapter. No Y/N, Petnames (Honey) Author's Note: You can find the previous chapter here. Crossposted on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/49644949/chapters/125305714#workskin

“It’s not much further.”

Josh kept his hand securely around yours, nodding along to your words and still trying to warm you up as he mumbled reassurances to you, though you wondered whether or not he was saying these things to also encourage himself. The wind was still howling around the mountain as you made your way down a rather steep slope that would lead you into a small ravine and then up onto a trail once you’d exited that ravine on the other side. He’d proclaimed that it was much quicker than going all the way around the ravine.

You were freezing, despite Josh’s best efforts to keep you warm by periodically wrapping his arm around your shoulders to rub them, in pain from the deep scratches on your arm and flinching at every noise you heard. But you had to keep going. There was no time to be scared when your life and the lives of your loved ones were on the line -- you’d learned that the hard way years ago. And though you tried your hardest to keep strong Josh seemed to notice something was off, his eyes flicking to your face every once and again to check on you. He had been mumbling to himself about the mines for a while now but once he’d seen your state, he’d quieted down, now looking more concerned than anything.

“You look scared.”

“I’m fine, Josh.” You assured him as you watched him go down the last bit of the slope before helping you down after him. “How are you?”

“Terrified and horrified.” He nodded and pulled you closer again once you’d gotten to the bottom of the ravine. “I just-- Being with someone else, especially you, is helping a lot and-- and I know we’ll be back to safety soon.”

“That’s good to hear.” You whispered back as you kept walking. “Josh, what happened to your sisters down there was not your fault, you know that, right?”

“Logically, I know that the prank played on them and-- and what happened in those mines wasn’t my fault but-- but it’s still hard to remind myself of that sometimes.” He explained as you passed through a thicket of trees. “Thank you for always being there for me.”

“Right back at you, Sweetheart.”

“Are you sure you’re fine? You must be scared.”

“We need to keep going.”

Before Josh could answer there were noises coming your way and you both backed away in fear. Josh tried to shove you behind himself to protect you but you wanted to keep him safe so you grabbed a nearby branch and readied yourself to fight. But your fear turned to absolute joy when Matt and Jess emerged from the treeline. Immediately, you ran to embrace Jessica, hugging her tightly as she wrapped her arms around you.

“You’re alive! You can’t imagine how worried I was.” You squeezed her a little tighter as you spoke. “I’m so fucking sorry I left you.”

“No, no, it’s alright. You-- You lured it away from me and probably saved me. I’m just so-- I’m so glad that you are alright.”

“I’m so glad that you are alright, Jess.” You said and pulled back to look at Matt. “Are you alright? Emily said the radio tower fell and you jumped to get to safety. Did you get hurt?”

Matt nodded his head, a guilty expression on his face. “Is she angry that I left?”

“She seemed upset but I’m sure after everything that happened she’ll just be relieved to see that you’re alive.”

Josh grabbed onto your arm and made you look at him. “We have to get to the cable car, Honey. Let’s go.”

“Can you two walk?” You asked Matt and Jess, smiling in relief when they nodded. “Then let’s get going.”

Jess gave Matt a worried expression to which he simply extended his arm to her. She quickly grabbed it and clung to it tightly as you all set out. Josh’s hand found its way to your back as he guided you along the ravine and toward the ascend you’d have to get up to get onto one of the main trails.

You had just begun ascending the small hill when you heard a screeching sound from behind you. Fear immediately gripped ahold of you and you felt your eyes tear up at the realization that those creatures had once more ventured out of the mines, that you weren’t even safe outside that horrid place. Jess's fearful whimpers and Josh’s hand grabbing yours stopped you from spiraling into those helpless thoughts. You could still outrun these creatures and help your friends. Matt looked around to see where the creature was coming from, bringing an arm up to shield Jess. It was Josh who saw where the Wendigo was and when he did he grabbed your arm, pulling you up the ascend after him. Matt and Jess quickly followed as the creature took chase.

“The guest cabin is just up ahead! We can hide in there!”

Josh didn’t give you time to question his suggestion and simply shoved you inside, waiting for Matt and Jess to follow before he slammed the door shut. However, the window on the door was broken and the Wendigo quickly took the opportunity to try and get inside. Jess screamed in fear as she grabbed Matt by the arm to pull him toward the bathroom and you followed her quickly, Josh right behind you. Once in the bathroom, you slammed the door shut. The Wendigo was not deterred by the closed door and kept trying to break it down, scratching at it and rattling it. Jess was covering her ears and Matt was crowding her away from the door, staring at it in horror. You grabbed for Josh’s arm, fear overtaking you as he realized that now you couldn’t even run away anymore, that you were trapped. Josh felt your nails digging into his biceps and eyed you in worry, still keeping his head turned toward the door.

“Are you alright, Honey?”

But you didn’t answer as the true hopelessness of the situation sank into you. You were trapped, locked in a small cabin out on the mountain with a Wendigo trying to break down the door. There was nowhere to run and no way to make it to the people who depended on you to get them the key. The hopelessness brought with it panic and you heard your breath hitch before you even realized you were crying, tears running down your cheeks. Josh called out your name once more but the only reply he got was your broken sobs, all the fear you’d been feeling pouring out of you in the form of tears.

Josh reacted immediately and pulled you into his arms, a hand coming up to cradle the back of your head and allow you to bury your face at his shoulder. You quickly embraced him back, fingers digging into his back as you held onto him.

“I’m so scared, Josh.” You got out between your sobs, voice shaking with emotion. “We’re trapped and I’m so fucking scared. I’ve been so terrified all-- all night and I just-- I can’t keep it together, I’m so sorry. I should be there for you and-- and get us off this mountain but I am just so scared.”

“There is nothing to apologize for.” He soothed, leaning his cheek against your head as he kept his eyes fixed on the door. “It’s absolutely normal to be scared in a fucked up situation like this. You’re allowed to feel scared and you can still be there for me.”

“I’m scared, too.” Jess spoke up from where she was half-hidden behind Matt. “But we’re all in the same boat, so we will keep each other safe. I promise that-- that we won’t leave you behind.”

“No one gets left behind.” Matt said, keeping his eyes locked on the door as the Wendigo clawed at it. “We’re all smart people and we’ll figure something out.”

“How will I get us to safety when I’m this scared?”

“You won’t have to do anything alone. We’ll get off this mountain together.” Josh promised, keeping an eye on the door and frowning when you winced at the Wendigo’s attempts to get inside. “You don’t have to do everything alone. I will keep you safe.”

You took a shuddering breath at his words and slowly pulled back to look at him, watching as pain crossed his features at seeing how scared you looked. But he just reached up to cradle your face in his hands.

“We will get off this mountain, I promise.”

“Thank you, Josh.” You whispered, reaching up to wipe your tears away, feeling a lot better though your fingers still shook and you still felt heavy with fear. “Thank you, Jess and Matt.”

Matt looked back at you. “We will figure something out.”

“But how do we get out of here?”

“There’s windows in there.” Jess commented, pointing her thumb at the broken window behind her. “But it’s too narrow for us to fit.”

Matt nodded, concern clear on his face. “But we can’t go through the door, either.”

“When Mike and I went through the Sanatorium, he used fire to chase the Wendigos away.” You recollected and reached into your pocket to once more pull out your lighter. “But I doubt a small lighter could scare it off.”

“Not on its own but we can combine it with this.”

You all turned to Josh to find him holding a can of deodorant he’d taken out from the cabinet under the sink. His relieved smile gave you hope that you might actually make it to the cable car and get off this mountain. He held out his hand and you tossed him the lighter, watching as he readied himself to use it and the spray can as a makeshift flame thrower.

“So what’s the plan here?”

Jess turned to Matt. “We use the deodorant and lighter to scare it off, so we can make a run for it.”

“Then I say we ready ourselves to run once Josh has scared it off.”

Josh nodded and lit the lighter, readying the spray can and placing a finger on its button. Matt stepped forward and grabbed the handle to the door, taking a deep breath before he gently shoved Jess to the side, out of the way of the action. Then he gave Josh an inquisitive glance, silently asking whether or not he was ready. Josh took a step to the side, situating himself between you and the door, making sure that you were covered. Then he gave Matt a small nod.

As soon as Matt opened the door the Wendigo tried to get inside but Josh was faster, pressing the button on the spray can and sending a gust of fire straight at the creature. The Wendigo retreated at the fire and Josh stepped after it, keeping up his assault on the creature until it was in the hallway. The rest of you followed him and then he turned, crowding the Wendigo back into the bathroom before slamming the door shut. You, Matt, and Jess quickly took the initiative to move the dresser that stood in the hallway in front of the door and Josh handed the lighter back to you.

“Will it get back out?” Jess asked in uncertainty, grabbing for Matt’s arm as the Wendigo tried to get out through the door. “Can it fit through the window?”

“It might take a while for it to get back out.” Matt said and grabbed Jess by the wrist, gently pulling her after him. “We better get going.”

“We can’t just leave it in there.” You looked at the blocked door. “We need to do something to make sure it won’t follow us.”

Josh gestured around himself. “This whole thing is made out of wood. We could light it up and make a run for it.”

“You want to light your family’s guest cabin up?”

“We rarely stayed here and I doubt I’ll ever want to come back up here, anyway.”

Jess looked at you with a hopeful smile. “There’s a bottle of chimney lighter next to the fireplace. Maybe we can use that to help start the fire. We can use your lighter.”

“What are we waiting for?” Matt nodded in agreement. “I’ll get the chimney lighter.”

You took out the lighter while Matt ran, holding it in your hand and looking at it for a second. For years you had carried the lighter around, the last gift your father had ever had the chance to give you, the present he had hoped to use together with you. If you threw it into the cabin, into the chimney lighter, you wouldn’t be able to get it back. Slowly, you stroked a thumb over the silver surface, running it across where your name was carved into it.

“I’m back.” Matt proclaimed, opening the bottle and dozing the floor in front of the bathroom door in the fluid. “Get ready.”

Squeezing the lighter in your hands you took a deep breath, mentally reminding yourself that doing this was important for your survival. But the thought of parting from a sentimental item your late father had gifted you made your eyes tear up. Josh gave you a worried glance as he saw you clench the lighter and placed a hand on your closed fist.

“Honey, I know letting go of the lighter is hard and I understand that it’s painful.” Josh whispered, getting closer to you. “So if you want me to do it for you, I will.”

“No, I’ll be fine.”

Jess looked at you in confusion. “What’s so special about it?”

“Her father gave it to her before he disappeared. It was meant for family camping trips and teaching her how to light a campfire.” Josh explained, squeezing your hand. “It has sentimental value.”

“It’s ridiculous, I know.”

“It’s not.” Matt shook his head, frowning sadly. “I really get that it’s hard but it’s the only thing that will stop this creature from following us.”

“I know.” You took a shaky breath, looking at Josh with a thankful smile. “Thank you for the offer but I think I want to be the one to toss it into the fluid.”

Josh nodded and took your free hand. “You will always have your memories of him.”

You nodded at his words, knowing that he was right about that. Amongst your memories, you had photographs of him, other sentimental items, past gifts and so much more to remember your father by. So after waiting for Jess and Matt to move away from the door you uncurled your fist and took a deep breath. You brought the lighter to your lips, pressing a small kiss to it and thanking your father.

“Thank you, Dad, for once again saving me. I love you.”

Then you lit it and tossed it into the fluid, watching as the fire quickly prickled along the door. Knowing that the cabin would burn and the Wendigo wouldn’t be able to follow you, you all quickly fled the building. The three of you wasted no time heading for the cable car, running down the trails as fast as you could without slipping. Screeches echoed around you but you kept going, Josh keeping your hand firmly in his and pulling you along while Matt ushered Jess down the trail. When the cable car came into view you all rejoiced but your joy was short-lived before suddenly there was movement in the bushes ahead of you. Jess quietly urged you all to stay still, proclaiming that based on her observations in the mines the Wendigos would not see you if you didn’t move, and you grabbed Josh’s shoulder to steady him. With bated breath, you listened to the noise coming closer, hopeful that standing still would be enough to get whatever was in the undergrowth off your trail.

“You’re alive!”

You almost screamed in shock when Mike came out of the bush, looking at the three of you before pulling Jess into his arms, and holding her tight. She clung to him, breathing a shaky sigh of relief. And Mike wasn’t alone. Your other friends were with him, coming out of the bushes, stepping from a little beaten path onto the main trail. You felt tears of relief sting your eyes as you saw that were all alive. They were battered, bruised, and scared but they were alive. But there was no time for reunions because Sam quickly started ushering all of you down the path again.

“We need to get moving and get off this mountain!”

Now reunited, you all made your way to the cable car station, quickly getting inside and slamming the door shut behind you. Josh immediately put in the key, turning it and setting the cables into motion. The mechanical whirring was loud in the quiet night and you worried that one of the creatures would hear it. Josh saw how scared you looked and quickly pulled you close to him in the hopes of comforting you. Chris watched the two of you before he sighed softly.

“Josh, I’m sorry for leaving you in the barn. We should have never tied you up in there, let alone leave you alone.”

“It’s fine. I kind of-- I mean, I deserve it after what I did.”

“No, what you did was really fucked up but we-- we were supposed to be your friends, I was supposed to be your best friend, and you-- you needed us and we weren’t there for you.”

Josh shook his head again. “I really fucked up and I’m sorry. I just-- Fuck, you all came just to be there for me and I fucked everything up. We almost died because of me!”

Ashley piped up, giving him a soft smile. “Josh, this whole Wendigo situation is not your fault. You played a fucked up prank and-- and it will take some time for me to really-- to just trust you again. But the mines, the Wendigos, all of that, it was not your fault.”

“She’s right.” Mike said, making Josh turn to him in surprise. “Your girlfriend and I had a long talk on our way to the mines and it made me-- it made me come to the same conclusion as Ash. Your prank was fucked up but everything else that happened was really not your fault.”

“You weren’t the one that dragged me out of the cabin and into the mines.” Jess reasoned, sighing a little. “The practical pranks and all that stuff to scare us were stupid but you’re not the one that hurt me.”

“I’m not?”

“You’re the one that saved me back in the cabin.”

“Em and I were terrified when we thought there was a killer on the mountain.” Matt mumbled, leaning back against the console. “But it was nothing compared to what I felt when-- when these creatures followed us and-- and hunted me.”

Emily nodded and crossed her arms. “I mean without your dumb prank we wouldn’t have gone to the radio tower but it falling into the mines was not on you. I just-- It might take a bit for us to forgive you but we don’t blame you for all that happened.”

“Everyone will forgive you eventually. Some of us might just need a bit more time than others.” Chris promised, placing a hand on Josh’s shoulder. “But until then, we’ll still be there for you if you need us.”

“If you need anything, I will-- You just have to ask me if there’s anything I can do to help you. And not because I want to-- to urge you into forgiving me but because-- because I am so fucking sorry.”

“You could pay for the therapy we will no doubt need after this.” Emily said in sarcasm, making everyone go quiet. “What? You think we won’t need professional help after nearly being killed multiple times that night?”

Sam gave a dry chuckle, turning to Josh. “As long as the therapist we see isn’t Doctor Hill because I think he has not been helping you.”

“I think I should go somewhere else to, you know, get a second opinion or something.”

Before anyone could answer a loud metallic clang startled everyone as the cable car stopped inside the station. Mike quickly opened the door before turning back to Josh with a questioning look.

“It looks pretty small. We can probably all cram inside but can it carry all of us?”

“Yes, it can totally carry all of us down the mountain.”

Mike looked back at Matt in question. “You’re the most athletic one in the group. Do you think you’ll manage to turn the key to get the cable car moving and then jump inside? Chris and I will catch you.”

“Of course.” Matt nodded and turned to Emily who was watching him in worry. “You get inside and I’ll be right behind you.”

“Not that I doubt your abilities but do you think you won’t get hurt?”

“There’s no other thing to do, really. Someone has to turn the key.”

Emily was quiet for a few seconds, worrying her bottom lip as she looked up at her boyfriend before nodding. “Be careful, please.”

“I will. Now everyone get inside.”

Mike helped Jess inside and sat down with her while Ashley and Chris climbed in after them. The former sat down next to Jess and took Chris’ hand as soon as he was in the seat beside her. Sam ushered Emily inside who was still reluctant about the whole idea of Matt jumping into the cable car after turning the key. After they were inside, you helped Josh into the car, his movements apprehensive and uncertain. You guided him onto the bench and sat down next to him.

As you squeezed Josh’s hand Mike and Chris got to the door to catch Matt. He gave them a thumbs up and went to turn the key before sprinting for the cable car and jumping, just about making it before the car was too far from the ledge to get inside. Chris and Mike caught him by the arms before slamming the door shut. Emily was up in an instant to embrace Matt.

The car started to descend the mountain, leaving the cover of the station and everyone seemed to finally relax. Ashley let her head fall onto Chris’ shoulder, closing her eyes and he breathed a long sigh of relief. Next to them, Jess began to cry quietly and Mike rushed to her side to embrace her. Matt and Emily had not parted from their embrace but their shoulders relaxed visibly while Sam took a deep breath, letting her head fall against the door of the cable car as she gave you a small smile. You smiled back at her before turning to look at Josh.

But he wasn’t looking at you or anyone else. He was staring out the window of the cable car, mouth agape in horror and tears brimming at his eyes. You turned on the bench to face him, quickly inquiring what was wrong and his voice shook when he answered, tight with unushered tears.

“The lodge is on fire.”

Your head turned the second Josh spoke those words and you watched the immense fire on top of the mountain in shock. Everyone else had gone quiet and when you looked back at Josh you found him staring at the fire in despair, tears running down his cheeks.

“It’s all gone. All the memories of-- of Hannah and Beth, of our childhood are all gone.”

Gently, you placed a hand on Josh’s cheek but he wasn’t looking at you. He was averting his eyes onto anything other than you and that was a telltale sign that he was not doing good. You really couldn’t blame him but that didn’t stop your concern for his wellbeing. It was the tears running down his cheeks that made you draw him into your arms and he sobbed brokenly as you held him and let him cry.

To your surprise Ashley moved from her seat and over to the two of you to also wrap her arms around Josh and after her Chris quickly spurred into motion, coming out of his shock at seeing his friend break down to also embrace him. You gave them a thankful smile, tears in your eyes at how painful it was to watch Josh like this but touched by his friends’ care. Emily, Matt, and Mike kept their distance, not saying anything as they watched Josh cry while Jess placed a comforting hand on his forearm, the only place she could reach with how tightly he was being held. Sam did her best to place a grounding hand on Josh’s shoulder though it was hard to even reach him in between everyone else.

“We had no choice, Josh. I’m really sorry.” Sam whispered apologetically. “There were so many Wendigos in the lodge and we-- we had to make sure they weren’t coming after us.”

“Josh, I am so sorry.” You whispered, holding him impossibly tight. “The lodge may be gone but your memories aren’t. You still remember them and your childhood with them, don’t you?”

Josh nodded, drawing in a shaky breath as he tried to stifle his tears. “I do. I just can’t believe that-- that the lodge is gone. It’s the last place I ever saw them .”

“Josh, we’re so sorry.” Mike said mournfully, voice tight with emotion. “But your girlfriend is right. The lodge is just-- just a material memory but you have so many more memories of-- of the twins to think back on.”

Chris leaned closer, making sure his friend was listening to him as he spoke. “They loved you a lot, Josh.”

He nodded once again at those words and slowly pulled back, his eyes still teary but now focusing on yours again as he took a deep breath. “Thank you for being there for me after everything I’ve done -- all of you.”

“We will always be there for you.”

Loud mechanical whirring made you all look up and to your great relief, you realized that you were almost at the cable car station at the bottom of the mountain. Your friends all looked just as relieved as you did and readied themselves to get out of the cable car. Slowly, you reached for Josh’s hand and he squeezed yours. When you looked at him he was giving you a small relieved smile and you couldn’t help but return that smile, knowing that against your worst fears, you had all gotten a happy ending and escaped.

“We are finally safe.”

[drjohndisco]

Emotional Overload

Pairing: Wesley/Yarrow

Warnings: mentions of death, swearing, sexual references, misogynistic language.

Word Count: 700+

Summary: Yarrow has to come to terms with Lilah's death, but other feelings find their way to the surface.

[A/N] I like to think that Yarrow's dynamic with Faith was initially strained at the beginning of her tenure as a slayer, but is now more careless/open. (Also, since Yarrow's darker than the others' + is close to Faith's age (ish) there's less strictness there.)

Yarrow snapped out of their daze and looked down to their hands, coated with Lilah’s blood. They were slumped against a wall, and Angelus was standing in front of them, holding Lilah’s dead body in his arms. Wesley and Gunn were stationary in front of them -- shocked.

‘Oh jeez, fellas. This isn’t what it looks like.’ Angelus teased. Gunn threw his axe towards him, but he ducked and it buried itself in the wall next to Yarrow’s head.

‘A little to tart for me, know what I mean, Wes?’ He then dropped Lilah to the floor, callously. Gunn pulled out a small cross from his pocket, only for Angelus to turn and jump out from the window. Gunn ran after him, but stopped when he saw how high up the hotel they actually were.

Wesley lowered his stake, still looking desperately at Lilah’s body. Yarrow could feel his desperation through their bond, so (unable to bear it) they muttered the words from a spell and faded from his view. Yarrow could only hope he’d deal with her body accordingly.

[ Later ]

When Wesley found Yarrow they were sprawled on the couch in a vampire den, next to a sleeping demon. Wesley was with Faith, who he had (apparently) released from jail.

'May I?' Wesley asked.

'Sure, whatever.' Yarrow replied, swinging their legs around and sitting up.

So, he sat down next to them, and motioned for Faith to leave them alone. After a beat she did so, beaded curtains swinging behind her.

‘What did you do with Lilah?’ Yarrow whispered once they could hear that Faith was indeed gone, afraid to hear the answer. 

‘I..’ Wesley said, but paused before continuing.

Noticing this fear flooded through Yarrow.

'I had to behead her.’ He finished.

‘Oh.’ Yarrow's response was measured.

(Almost to calm. But Wesley knew better.)

‘It’s quite alright,’ Wesley cautioned, watching as Yarrow began to cry silently (not quite looking him in the eyes.) ‘Yarrow, I don’t blame you. You were only part of the problem. It’s Angelus’ fault.’

‘I-I know that.’ Yarrow choked out. ‘But I can still feel her flesh in my mouth. I’m sure there’s still blood on me -- no matter how hard I’ve scrubbed! You can’t go back; we can’t erase this! You must hate me!’

‘I don’t hate you, in fact, I think it’s the opposite of that.’ He said, before sighing. The demon to Yarrow’s left shuffled slightly, but didn’t wake. ‘I think that may in fact be harder.’

‘No!’ Yarrow bit out, hands beginning to glow green with magic fuelled by anger. ‘You can’t! I’m an evil thing! How could you care for me? How could you love me? I'm a murderer!'

'Yarrow, so am I. We've both done things we're not proud of.' Wesley said (thinking of Justine and the rift it had caused between them.) Then he turned towards Yarrow, reaching out and tenderly cradling their face. 'But you are so much more than that. You have proven that time and time again. To strangers, to your friends, but most importantly to m--'

'Shit!' Wesley cursed under his breath, cutting his sentence off. He was now having to place everything he had into not passing out as the force of Yarrow's anger rocketed through him (mingling with his own grief.)

‘I’m not worthy!’ Yarrow said, making the lights in the building flick out, causing their glow to be the only source of light in the room. 'I can’t be!’

Then (in the middle of all this - as expected) the demon sat up, annoyed.

‘Damn.’ It complained. ‘Go and have a domestic somewhere else. Some of us are trying to sleep here, y'know?'

'Sorry.’ Wesley apologised, watching as the demon teleported itself away.

Somehow this tiny interaction snapped Yarrow back to him.

So, the lights came back on and Yarrow's glow subsided - as their emotional levels receded. He could feel like himself again, mostly (despite the wave of exhaustion that had just hit him.)

When Wesley’s eyes readjusted to the environment he could see that Yarrow had a small smile on their face.

‘You are worthy, Yarrow.’ Wesley replied earnestly, wiping away their tears with his thumb. ‘I know you don’t believe it currently, but that will pass.'

‘Yeah, I suspect you're right.' Yarrow mumbled. ‘I hope that didn’t hurt you too much.’

'Not particularly, my dear.'

'Good.'

The curtains then rattled, as Faith came back through into the room. Wesley removed his hands from Yarrow’s face, taking their right hand instead.

Subsequently Yarrow stood up from where they’d been seated, still keeping a tight grip on Wesley - who remained on the couch.

‘I could hear you from the bar.' Faith stated, looking them both up and down. ‘If this is what you’re like when you’re emotionally unstable, I don’t even want to think about what it’s like when you fuck.’

‘Worse, probably.’ Yarrow joked, at the same time Wesley said ‘Faith, that's none of your business.'

Faith simply sardonically flipped him off, causing Yarrow to hide their grin with their free hand.

'Come on, let’s get out of here.' Wesley groaned, moving so that he was standing next to Yarrow.

There'd be no wrangling of either of them today it seemed.

(Although there never was, really.)

[house-of-kolchek]

Hello, I was wondering if I could request a Jason Kolchek x female reader who, during an ambush against the vampires, ended up losing an eye and is learning to cope and adapt to it. As well as maybe being insecure about it. If not that's okay, thank you!

HELLO! I hope this lives up to expectations! I loved this idea and it was really fun to write!!

Insecurities

Jason Kolchek x Reader

please forgive me I did not edit this one bit

Word Count: 2k

MASTERLIST

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Camp Slayer didn’t feel the same after what happened. 

It was in the way you looked at your comrades, some missing, some having displayed sides of themselves you never would have imagined. Whenever your gaze fell on Eric, that angry bubble flared in your chest. The fact that he ignored Nick’s pleas for help in that godforsaken temple, even when you heard it clear as day, threw him straight to the top of your “eat shit and go fuck yourself” list. Based on similar reactions from your teammates, he’d ended up topping their lists too. 

But it was also in the way you felt trapped. Forced to look at white plastic walls, and speak to mounds of rubber and gas masks instead of faces. You could practically taste the distrust and hostility from the operatives as they moved in for a swift and silent clean up. In fact, there was a small little voice in the back of your head that felt threatened, as if these people wouldn’t hesitate to throw you under the bus, or take any extreme measures to ensure your story didn’t get out. If the NDA was any indication at least. 

But after all that. It was in the way you suddenly lacked any sense of depth perception.

“Fuck!” You grunted, reaching down to cradle your now throbbing toe. “I could have sworn that doorway was further than that.”

And then something touched your shoulder.

“FUCK!” Your voice grew louder and higher in pitch, startled by the sudden presence rounding your left side. Nick jumped at the same time, raising a hand out in front of him. The both of you let out mirrored sighs as you processed that yes, it was an actual human standing in front of you - not one of those horrific alien-monster things.

“You alright?” He asked first, his voice calm and laced with what you knew was pity. You wanted to be angry. To scream don’t fucking pity me! But in all honesty, you were too tired, and Nick was too good of a person for you to really tap in to that hostility. 

“Yeah, ‘m fine,” you sighed. “You just startled me. If you can help it, try not to come up on that side.”

Nick’s gaze flickered between your eyes, looking more pained as he took in the mounds of bandages still wrapped around your face, leading from your hairline, down to your left cheekbone. 

“Shit, I didn’t even think,” he cursed, shuffling over to your right side. “Sorry.”

“It’s alright, Nick. I’m not even used to it yet.” You couldn’t force your voice to carry any sense of optimism. You were too tired, too angry, and too buried up in your own grief.

This time, you saw his hand coming as it rested on your shoulder again, a silent sign of comfort. For a moment, you gave in to the warmth, allowing yourself to share those dark thoughts with your grieving friend. It always struck you in those moments that you weren’t the only one who’d endured trauma. Everyone had been down in those caves, had one of those experiences, and left a part of themselves down below the surface.

Yours had just been a physical part.

Nick was silent as he walked you to a common area set up for you and the other survivors. Your pride wouldn’t allow you to say it, but you were grateful when he tapped your arm, pointing out any objects that were maybe, slightly, closer than you initially thought.

He must have caught your grumble, because he reached to squeeze your shoulder again. 

“You’ll get used to it. It just takes time.” 

He chuckled as you shot him a sarcastic glare. 

“Yeah yeah, I know. Worst, most generic advice ever,” he prattled. “Shut up.”

And this time, for the first time in days, you both cracked a grin as you parted to sit at separate benches across the room. You stumbled slightly, huffing to yourself at the new bruises that would certainly arise across your shins before finally finding a seat.

You barely saw the new figure approaching, startling slightly as they took a seat next to you

Jason’s lips had just parted before you were speaking again.

“Jesus, you marines and your insistence on light footing,” you hissed, and you knew he noticed the way you refused to meet his gaze. 

It didn’t seem to bother him, as he let out a breathy chuckle. You could just make out his clasped hands from the corner of your eye as he rested them across the table.

“Still not used to it, hm?” He asked, and you turned your head a fraction towards him, shaking your head. You didn’t need to see his expression fall, hearing a low exhale from his nose.

You hated the tense, awkward air between the two of you now. What had happened to the pair you used to be? When you shared countless inside jokes, challenging each other not to laugh during briefings. Down in those caves, it felt like something had changed between you two. 

And not just the obvious. 

During that ambush - when you’d pushed him aside, taking the hit that ended up losing you your eye - that’s when something had really changed. You weren’t sure if it was some strange twist on survivor’s guilt. Or maybe the gory sight of you, clutching your shredded face with both hands while you screamed. But after that moment, Jason had truly seemed afraid in your presence. He’d watched you like a hawk, his brows tight and his eyes wide the entire time. 

“You don’t have to make anything up to me, Jason.” you sighed, breaking the awkwardness in the air.

Or at least, you thought it would break it. 

“What do you mean?”

Cringe.

Things were racing too fast in your head, the same sentence you wanted to say wording itself in fifteen different ways. How were you supposed to choose? How could you tell him that you missed what you were, you hated this new distance between you, wanted that bright smile of his back.

You sighed. 

“Nothing. Nevermind.”

Pressing the heel of your palm into your good eye, you willed your growing headache away. Jason simply rested a palm across your upper back. You stiffened slightly, questioning how to react until he began to rub small circles into your back. Finally letting your walls fall, your shoulders sagged, and you found yourself relaxing in his comfort. 

“‘m sorry,” you muttered, drawing a breath of a chuckle from the man.

“Ah, it’s alright. I got used to your outbursts ages ago,” he chuckled. And as you peeked over to him, catching that teasing grin of his, you felt a spark of normalcy return. 

Enjoying that familiar warmth, you stayed quiet, trying to prolong it as long as possible. It felt easier with your eyes closed. It was just dark then, much harder to notice the vast difference in your sight. Especially with Jason’s hand against your back acting as an extra distraction. 

“(Last Name)!”

You jumped at the unfamiliar voice, raising your head and blinking away the dizziness from your abrupt movement. Turning to face the voice, you saw another figure in a hazmat suit, standing stiff at the doorway with a clipboard in hand. 

“Right,” you sighed, and Jason’s hand fell back to the table. “Checkup on the eye. I should be getting a patch now.”

As you rose to your feet, Jason followed you, offering an arm for you to lean on.

“Lemme help you get there,” he uttered, low and soft.

Who were you to say no.

—

“It looks fucking terrible.”

“No, it doesn’t.”

“It totally does,” you grumbled, keeping your head turned towards the wall. Jason’s hand was still against your arm, gently tugging you out of the way as you approached a collapsed pillar. 

He was quiet again, contemplative. Hesitating, you let your arm slip from his grasp, stopping to sit against the cracked stone. 

“What is it?” You took note of the twinge in his voice. A slight pitch that indicated some sort of nervous energy he was trying to withhold. 

You felt like you were walking on eggshells. And you were over it.

“What happened to us?” you demanded, catching the marine off guard. 

“What-”

“Ever since those caves - we haven’t been the same. I feel like we’re just skirting around each other. Like I’m gonna break- or I’m already broken- I don’t even know.” You paused for a breath, barely glancing at Jason’s dumbstruck expression. His jaw was near slack as you ranted, his brows furrowing as your voice raised in pitch.

“Is it because I look like this?” 

“What?! No I-”

“Well then what is it!?” you shrieked, and Jason let out a frustrated groan, throwing two hands up to the sky.

“Shit- I dunno!” he huffed, running his hands down the sides of his face. If you were to hazard a guess, it looked like he was fighting some sort of internal battle, in the way his hands flexed and his brows twitched. In an instant, that flare of anger washed away, replaced with a new concern. You shuffled forward a few steps, suddenly scared to touch him.

“Jason?”

“I forgot that you’re not invincible,” he blurted suddenly. “And it scared me.” 

“Why would that scare you?” you asked, earning an incredulous look from under the brim of his cap. 

“Cause the idea of you bein’ gone scares me even more.” He stepped forward, his gaze growing soft. It was so unlike him. He chewed the corner of his lip, reaching to brush a thumb across your cheekbone. Resting his curled fingers under your jaw, you blinked, swallowing down the rush of butterflies that ravaged your stomach. 

You gently turned your head to the side, reaching up to curl your fingers between his. In an instant, he gripped your hand tighter. Seeming to ground himself through your touch, Jason sucked in a heavy breath, whispering your name.

“I don’t really care what you look like - you’re always beautiful and fuck whoever or whatever made you think differently.” He paused for a heavy breath, gently tugging you closer. Close enough that his shirt brushed against the skin of your arm. “Bein’ around you makes me feel great, and all I wanna do is make you laugh and sappy shit like that. Fuck. I dunno how to say this shit.”

You couldn’t help but chuckle, offering a distraction from the tears that threatened to fall at his admission. Leaning your forehead against his chest, you wrapped your arms around his waist, noticing his quiet gasp as he returned the embrace.

“I think I get what you’re trying to say,” you whispered, a ghost of a smile on your lips. “And I feel that way too. Even though I look like a pirate.”

“Hey now, I think the eyepatch looks pretty cool. I’d even dare to say sexy on you,” he rebuffed without hesitation. Curling his fingers under your chin again, he gently lifted your head to meet his gaze, his expression warming at the blush dancing across your cheeks.

“You find pirates sexy?” You asked, raising your brow. The challenge in the air grew thick, and Jason only smiled, reaching up to brush his thumb across the skin just below the patch covering your eye.

“Aye.”

Your snort was cut short as he dropped his head, pressing a kiss against your forehead. And another against your cheekbone. And another against the edge of your eyepatch, your nose, and the corner of your lips. That sharp spark of warmth spread from your cheeks, turning into a frustrated heat in your chest as he placed another kiss against your jaw.

“Aren’t you supposed to have good aim?” You huffed, before placing a hand on the back of his neck and directing his lips to meet yours.

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Tags!

@yellowroses-world @buttermykolchek @kawaiiwitch224 @kassiekolchek22 @yeslieutenant @lorebite @tangytastyflatboard @meadows-of-light @boristhepineapple @thedreamingfish99 @shinydixon @crazymissy22

[bluestar22x]

Second Chance Meeting

Second Chances (Part 2): Second Chance Meeting

Summary: Marcus meets Elena again in an unexpected place and Missy has a talk with him after - Marcus POV

Pairing: Marcus Moreno x OFC!Elena

Rating: 18+ series, 13+ rated chapter

Warnings: Brief mentions of grief and terminal illness

Word Count: 2,253

Author’s Note: I love that scene where Marcus hugs Missy sooo much. Also, tiny shift from canon - all the kids in the city go to the same schools, powered or non-powered.

xxx

Series Masterlist

xxx

Marcus Moreno was always proud of his daughter, but there were times when he was especially proud of her, and this was one of those days.

Her seventh grade English class had just acted out an abridged version of Macbeth in front of all their parents and at the end when they all returned to the stage to bow he was the first on his feet to clap for them. To clap for her. Her lively brown eyes, so much like his own, found him in the audience and she grinned at him when he gave her two thumbs up. She waved at the crowd enthusiastically and followed her fellow classmates off the stage to join their parents.

Marcus was waiting for her with open arms and she all but jumped into them. “I did it Dad! I remembered all my lines!”

“I knew you would,” he claimed, smiling, remembering all the nights he’d spent recently helping her practice because Shakespeare’s fancy words had her tripping up. “You’ve always had a way with words that I’ve never had.”

“Don’t sell yourself short,” Missy scolded him, pulling away to place her hands on her hips and give him a stern look.

He chuckled, reminded of all the times her mother had done similar. “Alright. Alright. You ready to go home Lady Macduff?”

“When you are,” she declared, looping an arm around the bent elbow he offered her.

He led her out of the gymnasium the event had been set in and headed for the school’s main entrance, looking forward to a quiet Friday night watching her favorite Halloween movies (Hocus Pocus and The Haunted Mansion) before the weekend Halloween celebrations she had planned with all her friends – both powered and non-powered – kicked in.

They were passing in front of the main office when a woman bolted out the doorway into their path, bumping shoulders with him and nearly losing her grip on the pile of papers in her hands. Readjusting herself to prevent them from slipping away from her, she glanced up at Marcus and visibly paled.

For his part, Marcus felt his jaw drop slightly in surprise at the familiar bold dark eyes staring back at him. Her dark, wavy middle back length hair was pulled into a bun. Her delicate nose twitched and her thin lips were stretched into an o shape. She was wearing thin rimmed hazel colored glasses and a flowery blue dress instead of the jeans and blouse he had last seen her in, but there was no mistaking her. She was the same woman he had saved exactly a week ago.

“Oh my god.” She blushed. “Marcus. Hi. Sorry about that. I kind of have a bad habit of not paying attention to where I’m going. I mean, you’d know.”

He gave her a reassuring smile. “It’s okay, Elena.”

“You remembered my name,” she said, blinking up at him, clearly not having expected that.

He shrugged. “I’m good with names. And it’s hard to forget someone you nearly saw get hit by an SUV.”

“I…thank you for that, by the way,” Elena mumbled. “I wanted to thank you that night but then the paramedics came and you were…gone.”

“You’re welcome,” he said kindly. “It’s all in a day’s work for me. And sorry about just disappearing like that. I figured it was best just to get out of the paramedics’ way, and I was in a rush to get home to this one.” He gestured to Missy, who had been unusually quiet up until that point.

Elena’s eyes sparked with recognition when she noticed his daughter at his side. “Missy! How’d the play go?”

Missy beamed up at her, chest puffed out. “Fantastically.”

“I bet,” Elena said, grinning back at her.

Marcus glanced between them, confused. “You two know each other?”

“I’m the school librarian,” Elena explained. “Missy’s been in a few times to study and check out books.”

“Miss Elena helped me do research for that project I had for history last month,” Missy chipped in.

Small world, Marcus mused. It seemed he had saved one of Missy’s favorite adults.

“I’d best get back to the library and close up,” Elena eventually said. “But it was nice to see you both again. Keep rockin’ Missy.”

“I will!” his daughter called after her as she strolled away without looking back. Unlike Elena, Marcus did, throwing his head over his shoulder to glimpse her unlocking a door to a room a few yards down the hall. He couldn’t help himself. She’d been notably pretty, even when he’d waited with her for the ambulance in the pouring rain, soaked loose hair plastered to her skin.

“We going Dad?” Missy inquired impatiently, cocking an eyebrow at him when his eyes wandered back over to hers.

He nodded quickly. “I am. Let’s go get comfy.”

She walked ahead of him the rest of the way to his Toyota car and hopped into the front seat, only buckling in once he was also inside the vehicle.

She was silent for a few minutes while he drove and listened to the radio, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel to the beat. He didn’t catch that she was observing him the whole time.

“You like her,” she stated plainly, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Was he that easy to read? (Must be getting rusty with age.) “I do,” he admitted, but in a tone that hid the feelings he had behind it.

Missy rolled her eyes. “I don’t mean like. I mean like-like. You have a crush on her.”

“I do not,” he protested, sounding a little too outraged by her suggestion.

“You’re a terrible liar, Dad,” she informed him, folding her arms. “So, what are you going to do about it?”

He glanced away from the road to look at her for a moment. “I’m not going to do anything.”

“I could tell she likes you too, by the way,” Missy added. “She was downright flustered when she saw you.”

Sometimes Missy was a little too insightful for his liking. (And since when did she know the word flustered?) “Even if she was, I’m not interested in that. You know I don’t need anyone but you and your grandma in my life.”

Missy shook her head at him and the expression on her face reminded him of his mother. Disapproval.

“Don’t make this about me,” she said. “I just want to make sure you’re happy.”

“Who’s making it about themselves now?” Marcus teased.

She huffed and he raised a brow at her. “Where is this coming from anyway?” he asked.

She lifted her shoulders slightly. “I don’t know. Slo-mo’s dad started dating someone he met at the supermarket a few months ago and Slo-mo said it’s been fun. She’s powered, but has no intention of joining the Heroics, and yet she’s helped him work on his abilities. He’s also just glad for his dad because she helps him out so he doesn’t have to do everything alone.”

“You help me out all the time,” Marcus argued.

“I do,” she said proudly. “But…” she trailed off and sighed. “I don’t know. Just…all I’m saying is if you would want to date Miss Elena it wouldn’t be the worst. I like her.”

Marcus pulled up in the driveway to their house and parked the car before twisting in his seat to face her. “When did you get to be so mature?”

“Probably around the time I saved you,” she boasted.

“I wasn’t in danger,” he maintained. “None of us were.”

“That doesn’t take away from the fact we had to rescue you all,” she declared.

“No, it doesn’t,” he agreed. He wished she hadn’t needed to, but the aliens had made their point.

“Just think about it,” Missy ordered. “It was one of Mom’s wishes, after all.”

At that, Marcus startled. “What do you mean?”

“I overheard Mom talking with you one night,” she told him. “You both thought I’d gone to bed, but I snuck back out to eavesdrop on the stairs, listened to you in the living room. She was…near the end, and you were talking about a lot of things I didn’t want to hear, but I couldn’t help myself.”

Marcus felt a lump forming in his throat. He was pretty sure he knew which conversation she had listened in on. It was the night after Reina’s doctor had informed them that there was nothing else they could do for her anymore. That her cancer had won. His eyes flicked to the wedding band still wrapped around the fourth digit of his left hand.

“She said she wanted you to move on someday,” Missy reminded him. “Whatever that means.”

“I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready for that,” he disclosed, feeling trapped.

She sighed. “Just think about it.” And with that, Missy left him alone in the car to watch her head into the house, using the spare key to let herself in.

Marcus’ gaze fell back on his ring and he used his right hand to play with it, twisting the sliver around as he mulled over Missy’s words and the fuzzy memory he had of Reina’s discussion with him, the one he’d have given anything not to have had at the time. The one he hadn’t wanted to entertain.

But now? He knew he could never get back what he had with Reina, and the last thing he wanted to do was replace her, but the more years that had passed since her death, the more he did wonder if it would be nice to have that kind of relationship again - with the right person. And what if Elena was the right person? He wouldn’t know if he didn’t take a chance with her and he wondered what he would regret more. Asking her out or continuing to hang onto the past?

He had the approval of his girl, so what did he really have to lose?

X

That Monday, the second day of November, Marcus dropped Missy off at school slightly early and followed her into the building. Her eyebrows had furrowed when she noticed he had joined her on the stairs to the front door, but thankfully she didn’t ask any questions, instead choosing to just give him one last wave and join her friends at the far side of the building.

Recalling the door Elena had slipped through before they’d left Friday night, Marcus strolled over to it and twisted the handle. It was unlocked, and when he pushed against the door it opened into a dusty but quaint little library filled with as many books and computers and desks as safety regulations allowed. There were only two windows, and they were covered, but the sunlight still managed to light the room up decently through the white shades.

Elena was there, sitting at the messy desk at the front of the room, an aged book open in front of her and a special glue bottle made for books in her left hand. She was fixing the binding, the pages having completely come apart from the book cover.

Marcus tugged self-consciously on his plain maroon v-neck and knocked softly on the door in attempt to let her know he was there without startling her. It didn’t work, but she recovered quickly.

“Oh, hi, Marcus,” she greeted him cheerfully. “How’d you get past the office?”

Non-employees weren’t typically allowed in the school unless there was an event or they had special permission from the staff in the principal’s office. Marcus wasn’t typical though.

“Heroics get a free pass,” he explained.

She nodded. “Of course. Silly me.” She freed her hands and pushed her chair away from the desk. “So, what are you doing here?”

He chewed his lip. It was now or never. “I was thinking over the weekend. If you don’t have any plans, I was wondering…”

She raised her eyebrows when he paused for several seconds to get himself together. (So awkward.) It had been too long since he’d last asked someone out on a date.

“Would you like to eat at a restaurant with me on Saturday night?” he finally inquired, hand shooting to the back of his head to rub his neck like that would relieve the awkwardness he felt.

She grinned and placed a hand under her chin. “Do you have one in mind?”

“Tyler’s.” It was the first restaurant that popped into his head.

She laughed. “The pizza place two blocks from here?”

He shifted subconsciously. Was she making fun of him? “Do you have a better idea?”

“No, I love it,” she told him. “Yes.”

Marcus straightened his stance, hopeful. “Yes?”

“Yes, I’ll go out with you,” she confirmed. “Would six o’ clock be good?”

“It would,” he replied.

Elena reached for a sticky note pad at the corner of her desk and the black ink ballpen alongside it, jotting something down onto the top sheet before lifting it up and reaching out to pass it to him. Marcus accepted the offer and swallowed when he recognized the written numbers on it as a phone number.

“Call me if anything comes up,” she said.

He met her eyes and flashed her a charming smile. “Will do.”

She smiled back at him. “Good. Now get out of here before you’re late for work.”

He chuckled. “Will do. Have a good day, Elena.”

“You too, Marcus,” she murmured.

And with that he left, grasp tight on her note.

[acacia-may]

yo there acacia! I hope you're doing well these days and will have a pleasant weekend! I'd like to ask your spoiler-less opinion on omori because I've been planning to give the game a try for a while and is interested to read people's thoughts on it! 😁

Hi there, friend! Thank you so much for the well wishes. I hope you're doing fantastic! I was so excited when I saw your ask, oh my goodness--thank you so much! 🥰 (I also owe you a story & some other answered asks. I'm so sorry it has taken me so long to get back with you. 🙈 I'm looking forward to the day I have the energy & health to write as much as I'd like again. Thank you so much for being patient in the meantime 💕). For now, I would be thrilled to share my spoiler-free opinion of Omori with you. I have put it below the cut since it's really long (sorry in advance for all the rambling 😅).

(Warnings: This game does deal with some very heavy topics and thematic elements such as serious trauma, grief, depression, suicidal ideation/suicide, and other mental health issues, and therefore, may not be a good fit for everyone).

A few prefaces before I jump right in, I am not a big gamer so I won't pretend that I can adequately speak to the game mechanics or anything like that. My opinion is mainly based on the story and characters (ect.). Secondly as this is a game with multiple routes and endings, I feel I need to say that I got a good route and good ending when I played, and I have not played the other routes myself (though I did watch YouTube videos of all of the other endings), so my opinion is heavily biased by the route and ending I got on my first playthrough (which it is my understanding is the "true" route and ending). Third, I played the Nintendo Switch version of this game. My sister says there is extra content in the Switch version, but none of it was in the route I got in my playthrough so I can't really speak to that. I can speak to the fact that the Switch version has adorable backgrounds in full screen mode that I do find myself missing when I've been replaying the PC version I bought for myself, but as I understand it, most of the gameplay is the same. Finally, I feel I need to give a warning that this game does deal with some very heavy topics and thematic elements such as serious trauma, grief, depression, suicidal ideation/suicide, and other mental health issues, and therefore, may not be a good fit for everyone. The game begins with a thorough content warning, and as such, I would highly recommend being a good place mentally when playing this game as it can get very dark when it dives into some of these heavy themes.

Alright so my opinions... I absolutely loved this game! I honestly wasn't expecting to get as invested in it as I did. In the beginning, I was really playing it as favor to my sister who is a pretty big gamer and has been wanting me to play this game for a long time since (and this is a direct quote from her) it's "the greatest game of all time." Last year we made a deal with each other that I would play a video game with her if she would read the manga series Karneval (A/N: To my sister, if you're reading this, you still owe me! 😁). She initially wanted to play Omori but compromised to Danganronpa: Ultra Despair Girls since I was wary of some of the heavier themes and mental health topics. UDG also deals with heavy themes and mental health issues such a death, childhood trauma and abuse, but these are elements of subplots not a main theme or a struggle for the main/POV/player character in that game whereas these are much more integral elements in Omori as one of the main themes of the game (at least in the true/good route) is confronting and healing from trauma. After I played UDG and a couple more games (Your Turn To Die and Danganronpa V3 which were also pretty dark), I was looking for another game and thought I should finally give Omori a try. My sister had some of the official game art as her laptop background and screensaver, and the bright and cutesy art style really caught my eye. Since it really fit my aesthetic and personal taste in art, I was super intrigued by the game and wanted to try it out.

[This was her screensaver & one of the first pieces of the Omori art style I saw. This is official art from the game. Gif from the wiki]

I had also heard really good things about the soundtrack and being a hobbyist musician and a lifelong music lover and piano enthusiast, I was really intrigued by the music as well. After my sister (who isn't as much of a fan of the piano) finished the game, I found her trying to pick out one of the themes on the piano herself, and I had a little bit of fun playing with her sheet music but naturally I was thinking, "What is this game?!" I'll fully admit that after I finshed the game, I bought some sheet music and am practicing one of themes myself now so I totally get it. The soundtrack is absolutely gorgeous and at times incredibly haunting. It adds so much to the story, so I really wanted to give a proper shout out to it specifically.

Given the overall aesthetic of the game, I'll admit that I was anticipating a sweet little romp through colorful adventures filled with bouncy piano music and childlike wonder and imagination. There was plenty of that (don't get me wrong), but this game was so much more than what it appeared at first glance and dug deeply into some serious philosophical questions and heavy themes. In that way, it is almost deceptively cutesy and simple, but somehow that manages to fit together perfectly with the underlying, deeper narrative to create something incredibly poignant, moving, and so compelling that it had me not only practically begging my sister to play it for hours at a time but also blinking back tears by a certain point.

I didn't know I could care so much about a game that (on the surface at least) is just the story of a little boy and his childhood adventures with his friends. But that's the wonder of Omori. There's more to it than meets the eye. It has layers upon layers of masterful storytelling told in engaging and entertaining segments that are sometimes whimsical and wacky, sometimes silly, sometimes sweet, and sometimes heartbreaking. This game will make you laugh, and it'll make you cry. Sometimes it might even make you confused on how everything all fits together, but Omori manages to tie even the smallest things together in the most beautiful and satisfying way in the end. It is filled with incredibly complex but ultimately endearing characters who you just can't help but love and root for and who are each given their own distinct personalities, motivations, deep emotions, and compelling arcs. It's a story of deep friendship, of love, of loss, and of finding healing and hope after unbelievable sorrow and tragedy.

I'll be honest that there are moments in this game that are absolutely heart-wrenching, but (at least in the true/good route/ending) this isn't a story about hopelessness and despair. It's about finding healing after traumatic experiences and being able to move forward into a brighter future--the idea that the painful things in our pasts don't have to define us. There can be healing and can be hope after loss, trauma, tragedy, and suffering. No matter how terrible something is, it doesn't have to be the end for us. With hope and with the support of the people we care about most, we can find the strength and the resilience to keep living, and life itself is worth living, even after the darkest of times. Tragedy is not the end, and that's what Omori is all about.

I'd also give a shout out to all of the incredible characters and friendships that take center stage of this story. I absolutely love platonic friendships, and it is so rare that I've had the pleasure of getting to experience a story that makes them so integral, so deep, and so interesting. Usually platonic relationships have to take the backseat to romantic ones and are treated as somehow "less than" in fictional stories, but not in the world Omori. Friendship and family really got their time to shine here, and it was glorious. (A/N: As much I have been crying over some pairings recently, the story was really not about that. There was a (canon?) romantic relationship, but it was in a subplot and not treated as any "better" than any of the friendships and/or used to diminish those. In fact, something I loved about this story was that it outright addressed that yes, this character loved this other character romantically, but there were other characters who loved this character too, just in platonic sense. Those friendships were treated as a deep and beautiful love--it was just a different kind of love. Needless to say, Omori scored thousands of kudos from me for that! 💕)

I know I have rambled a lot here, but I think I will cut myself off before I accidentally spoil something (A/N: I really, really hope I haven't accidentally spoiled anything in my ramblings. If I have, I sincerely apologize). To wrap up, I will say that if you love strong, dynamic, three-dimensional characters who get to have compelling story arcs, deep and beautiful platonic friendships, and themes of finding hope and healing after tragedy and trauma, I could not possibly recommend Omori enough to you. It is probably the best game I've ever played and definitely ranks as one of the most compelling and poignant stories I have ever had the pleasure to experience.

Please play Omori. All it costs is your love, and I promise you, it is definitely worth it. 💖

[justicerikai]

Charisma House - The Seven Charisma‘s “Otsukarisma! Year-end party“ lyrics translation (english)

The charismatic year-end party is beginning!

English lyrics translation for “Otsukarisma! Year-end party“. Japanese lyrics can be found on uta-net.

TL notes:

Otsukarisma is a pun on otsukare (nice work, good job, etc.) and charisma.

Terra’s “bea-bea-bea-bea-beam” is written with the kanji for beauty 美, like  “美・美・美　美ーーーム！”. It’s a pun on how beam is written in Japanese.

The following are references in the video noted by シカベロス in the Youtube comments. Thought it was pretty cool to take note of.

Sarukawa -> “Denpa shounen” (reality TV show)

Iori -> “Doraemon” (kids cartoon) 

Amahiko -> “Tamori Club“ and “Soramimi hour” (variety shows)

Fumiya -> The others are surely recognizable but there’s also Japanese social network sites 2ch/2chan and mixi in there, which people might be unfamiliar with.

Disclaimer that these lyrics merely serve as a translation and do not follow up on rhythm, rhyme and the like.

Rikai: Otsukarisma for another year! The Charismatic year-end party is beginning!

Rikai: Now then everyone let us properly reminisce on the past year!

A year spent maintaining discipline in a proper manner

Do not corrupt the sharehouse’s morals but correct them

The ones that disobey shall be punished at once~♪

Rikai: Terra-san, please go on ahead.

Another year where life is beautifully me

The universe shines with me

The world’s tears equals rain The world’s sighs equals wind

Terra-kun’s beauty will SAVE THE EARTH!

The self-love is unstoppable!

Aah geez… bea-bea-bea-bea-beam!!

Sarukawa: That don’t make any sense! I’ll take care of it!

I ain’t lookin’ back  No is NO!

Right’s left! Left’s right!

“Nicely done, you must be tired” you say? I ain’t tired at all!

My wishes for next year? Ain’t telling you!

Terra: (Well then you don’t have to tell me)

Don’t fuck with me I’ll tell ya   Ya see my wishes always

fall on deaf ears-….… I blurted it out!

Shit  I can’t keep going on like this!!

Another year for a steady charisma charge (hey!)

Your charisma break’s also around the corner

Fine charisma  Gathered at a temporary residence

Everyone otsukarisma for another year! (Cheers!)

Rikai: The order is getting quite disrupted here

Rikai: Iori-san, please go on ahead with a proper second turn!

Iori: Yes gladly!

Everyone’s dog all year round  That’s me Iori Woo-woof (shake shake sit!)

Cooking  laundry  leaning  human sacrifice

Come on hurry up! Can you stamp it here?

Sign the contract as soon as possibleee-

And please do renew our contract next year!

Amahiko: Amahiko is c*ming up next!

Spring is bloomingly sexy

Summer is sweatingly sexy

Fall is gloomily sexy

Winter is yearning bodily warmth

This year was sexy too

Dance amigo Sing amore

It’ll be another year of m*rriage!

Amahiko: Now Ohse-kun  You’re up next

I’m sorry for still staying alive this year

I’m the picture perfect of shitty garbage   A sore loser

An age where you can choose out of different ways to die

Hanging  Jumping off  Pick and choose

Haah, haah, haah, haah

Which is why a worthless human being like me

will surely die next year…

Terra, Amahiko, Rikai, Iori: You caaaan’t!

Rikai: Alright! Pull yourself together and let’s sing!

Another year for a steady charisma charge (hey!)

Your charisma break’s also around the corner

Fine charisma  Gathered at a temporary residence

Everyone otsukarisma for another year! (Cheers!)

Amahiko: The year-end party’s also sexy, isn’t it

Sarukawa: I am still who I am next year

Terra: Terra-kun’s truly beautiful

Ohse: I want to die already…

Iori: Next year’s also self-sacrifice! Contribution! Free service!

Rikai: (Pipipiiiii) Good grief! The year-end party has turned into a mess!

Rikai: Fumiya-san, I beg of you to say something!

Fumiya: Hm? Aah…

365 days in a year   It’s just a convenience to end it there

Within one’s consciousness irrelevant mere tales continue to drift

Memories that won’t fade even if you try to forget

Whether you live or die it’s an everlasting record that continues

Hold onto what’s good?  Erase what’s bad?

It’s dangerous monism   Now get ready

All of it is part of us

And we’re part of the world

Don’t want to deal with too much trouble

A journey seeking where one fits in Good job everyone

Rikai: I somewhat don’t get it but he wrapped it up!

Another year for a steady charisma charge (hey!)

Your charisma break’s also around the corner

Fine charisma  Gathered at a temporary residence

Everyone otsukarisma for another year!

We wish you a charismatic new year! (Cheers!)

[tomhardyspinkyfinger]

The Good Girl and the Gangster: 7

Summary: The wedding will still take place, or will it?

A/N: HA! I WIN YOU STUPID CHAPTER! I WROTE YOU!!! I did it everyone. I wrote the chapter. I also think it'll probably be the last chapter in the series! If y'all want a more close ended finish, I might write an epilogue if y'all want. I didn't really edit it but I will in the next day or so! I really hope you guys enjoy. As always please reblog and give me feedback! I live for feedback

TW: language, violence, death, gore, blood, grief, angsty angsty

Tags: @woofgocows @buttercup32sstuff @rikki-b-lake @severewobblerlightdragon @siriuslyblackonbacknback

Masterlist Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

"Mother, my monthly is late."

My mothers hands slowly left my face and she let out a sigh.

"I didn't mean for this, I-"

"Enough. I will talk with Jacobs mother and move up the wedding. You will consummate and the baby will belong to a young, happy, married couple." My mother explained.

I went silent.

What?

"What? I don't understand mother, is this not enough? I know it is shameful, but I refuse to lie to Alfie and Jacob-"

"Stop. Just listen. Your father made me swear to keep this away from you." Her hand grabbed mine and she looked at me, tears forming. In almost all my years, I hardly ever saw my mother cry. She was a woman who always kept up appearances, even with her children.

"After.. we lost your brothers, your father struggled as we all did. He fell into the bottle, we kept it from you. You were still so young and focusing on school, when he was at temple he was drinking. We worked together with the church to get him to stop and it worked. A few months ago he went into the shed for the first time since Caleb died a found a letter. Caleb had written us his goodbyes. Your father began drinking again.."

I was now in tears, Caleb spent his time in the shed sculpting. When he came home from the war he never got a chance to sculpt again before he died.

"Your father fell in with bad people, he gambled, but the horse races was where we encountered an issue. Your father is a smart man, too smart when he drinks. He stole from the Peaky Blinders. They want their money back and we don't have enough alone. Even selling the property wouldn't cover it. Your marriage with Jacob and his families business is enough to help us. They agreed to help us if the marriage goes on. I'm sorry we didn't tell you." My mother concluded, both of us in tears.

"My loves? The party is awaiting the bride to be!" My fathers voice called from the other side of the door as his fist gently rasped against the wood.

"We will be down momentarily darling, just a bit of women's troubles." My mother covered, straightening her voice from the tears and wiping her face with her free hand.

"Alright, I'll keep entertaining with Jacob and his family." My father agreed before we heard his footsteps going down the stairs.

"But, what about Alfie? He has worked with the Peaky Blinders, he can help!" I protested.

"We tried to get his help already, he agreed to work with the Italians and take down the Blinders to help us, but.. it just isn't working. Alfie tried to stop the Blinders, but now the both them and the Italians are weary of him, which is why.. I told him to stay away." My mother confessed. I jumped off the bed and stood in front of her in shock.

"What? How long have you known? Has he been lying to me?" I snapped.

"No no, your father and I had him come to temple that day you met, we conversed briefly about your safety and the money we owe. We asked him to keep an eye on you in case the blinders got involved. I didn't know any of this would happen until I found your drawings." I was in shock at my mothers confessions. Everyone in my life had been lying to me for god knows how long.

I stared at my mother briefly before pushing back my tears and shedding my pajamas, getting dressed for the party as quick as I could. My mother waited patiently, both of us quiet and pulling ourselves together.

We both entered the party together, my tears dry but my eyes puffy, my mother completely unphased. I suffered through my own engagement party, Jacob gripping my waist and making my stomach turn and twist more than it already has been.

After everyone had left the miserable event, Jacob and I sat in the den while our parents conversed in the study.

"Art is a beautiful hobby, don't get me wrong! I just don't feel that it is a career, I will encourage our children to be creative, but they will be raised as real workers." Jacob drowned on and on, the mention of children causing bile to rise in my throat. I pushed it down with my water and nodded along until our parents emmersed.

"The wedding will be next Friday. We were able to organize the food and locations to our liking." My mother spoke, announcing herself in the room. I forced a smile and nodded, too tired and betrayed to fight anymore. We said our goodbyes, and got around to Jacob. Our parents gave us a bit of privacy at the door to say goodbye.

"Until our wedding, my love. I'm quite looking forward to the night." He spoke, kissing the corner of my mouth. I pushed back vomit for the unknownth time tonight and smiled without grimacing this time.

"Me as well, Jacob." I forced out, bidding him goodnight and shutting the door before locking it.

The following week was torture, my mother told me I was better off not going to the doctors and that I needed to just relax for my big day. I stayed bottled up in my room for the week, only leaving to eat and use the restroom. My father was worried, but my mother dismissed it as nerves. She didn't want him knowing I knew.

Too quickly for my liking, the wedding day had arrived. I felt sick to my stomach from the moment I woke up to the drive to the temple. I hadn’t eaten all day and I was green in the face with anxiety.

"You look so beautiful. I am sorry things happened this way. I love you for being so brave." My mother spoke, holding my arms from behind as we both looked in the mirror, my eyes began to tear as I looked at my wedding gown. It was beautiful and simple, something I always envisioned myself in, but everything was wrong. I nodded to my mother and she did the finishing touches to my makeup before my mother ushered me to the entrance where my father was waiting.

He kissed my cheeks and laced our arms.

"You look gorgeous, my baby." He complimented. I thanked him quietly and the doors to the temple opened, the music playing as my father began to walk us down the aisle, practically dragging me with him. I forced a smile as I avoided eye contact with the guests who had stood and turned to watch me, their joyful gazes making me sick.

At the end of the aisle, Jacob thanked my father and grabbed my hand, leading me to the alter where the Rabbi stood. As the Rabbi began speaking, I found my eyes traveling out into the small audience, hoping to see him, hoping he would be my knight in shining armor. Before too long, the Rabbi was initiating the exchange of the rings. For the first time since I had gotten to the alter, Jacob released his tight grip on my fingers to place my wedding band on. I did the same with him, my fingers shaking.

The Rabbi announced our betrothal and Jacob placed both hands on my cheeks, pulling me in and kissing me, his tongue entering my mouth. I submit to the kiss and leaned backwards, my hands awkwardly grabbing at his blazer lapels. I pulled away with much difficulty and Jacob ushered us down the aisle and to the doors, our guests clapping and cheering.

We arrived at the ceremony and sat at our designated table in the front of the room, in front of all our guests. We spent the first two hours mingling with guests as they drank, me avoiding alcohol.

Before the food was set to be placed at the tables, Jacob announced a speech. We stood in the middle of the ballroom floor, our guests seated at tables around us.

"I have been waiting for this marriage and am overjoyed to finally call this woman my wife!" He raised his sixth or seventh glass of whiskey to the audience who cheered. He kissed me vulgarly again before pulling away and continuing his speech, his arm wrapped tightly around my waist.

"I love this woman! She will be the one I come home to every single night, she will tend to our home and provide me with love and beautiful children." He announced. I started to waver back and forth, seeing stars from being so overwhelmed.

"I know neither of us can wait for our first night together, I'm sure our first child can't be far away!" He shouted, the audience laughing and clapping. I tried to focus on just one spot in the room to keep myself conscious. That spot happened to be the doors, that had swung open and let in Alfie, sweating and disheveled.

Black surrounded my vision very quickly, and I was in a heap on the ballroom floor.

I awoke to a voice and a soft hand stroking my face. I rubbed my eyes gently and saw my mother. I looked around the room, empty besides us, and began breathing heavily. I was on a small futon in the back room of the ceremony hall. The room was quaint, a few windows illuminating the room in the moonlight.

"We sent everyone home sweetheart, you just are a bit overwhelmed-"

"Mother, what happened? Something is wrong. Call the doctor please, my baby, mother." I rushed out, frantic and beginning to cry. The door opened suddenly.

"The baby?" Jacobs voice rang out. Jacob had been on the other side of the door, accompanied by my father and Alfie, all three mean having different faces of shock.

"Jacob." I sighed out, sitting up slowly.

"Are you pregnant?" He questioned. It was quiet in the room, my mother looking down and The three men now entering the room. I looked at Alfie briefly, Jacob noticing. "Is it his?"

"Jacob listen-"

"No! Your fucking parents trapped me with a whore! I was already helping your alcoholic disgrace of a father, and now this? You dirty little fucking-" Jacob was cut off by Alfie slamming him against the closest wall, his pistol being pushed into the skin of Jacob's throat so forcefully that he was gagging.

"The fuck did you call her? Say it again mate. Go on. Go ahead, call her a fucking whore again." Alfie instructed, cocking the gun. I stood from the futon and gently placed my hand on Alfie's arm.

"Alfie, let him go." I whispered, tears forming from the mess of a wedding. I never wanted Jacob to get hurt, nor my parents or Alfie.

Alfie hesitantly released Jacob, who slid to the floor holding his throat. He quickly scrambled to his feet and rushed out of the room.

"You're pregnant?" My fathers voice spoke, cracking a bit. I turned and saw him with tears in his eyes. I took a breath and glanced at Alfie, who was not looking at me, I had yet to find out why he even showed up.

"I believe so father. I haven't been-"

"I am so disappointed in you." My father spoke, a single tear rolling down his face. I sniffled, more tears falling as I scoffed.

"You're disappointed in me? That's fucking rich! This entire sham of a wedding was to save your ass! I fell in love with an incredible man and I would be more than honored to mother his children. You will not be in their lives if you even try to put a sliver of blame onto me!" I was screaming, getting closer to my father and sticking my finger in his face. He continued to cry, looking down at me wordlessly.

"You're right. I-I'm so ashamed-" My father began.

He was cut off by the deafening sound of gun shots. I felt a large body yank me to the carpeted ground. Alfie had covered my body with his own, his arms covering my head. The shots continuing to ring throughout the room, glass shattering all around us. My mother was screaming as I kept silent, gripping my aching stomach.

It felt like ages, but the room was eventually silent besides my mothers weeping.

"Don't move." Alfie instructed, hoisting himself off of me gently. He scanned the windows with his pistol as I watched, still in shock. I turned to see my mother curled up next to the couch, unharmed but in distress. When I looked to my father my stomach dropped.

"F-father?" I called out. No response. I crawled towards him and gasped, sobbing at the sight. My father lay with a gushing bullet hole in his neck, his eyes closed as he laid lifeless. I could hardly see with the low lighting and my tears flowing, but I gathered up the bottom of my dress and attempted to hold it to his neck to stop the bleeding.

I heard my mother screech and scramble next to me, gripping my fathers motionless arm.

"Darling? William? Please my love, open your eyes." My mother pleaded, sobs wracking her body. I continued applying pressure, my hands and dress now soaked in blood.

"Alfie! Call someone please, get help!" I yelled, looking back to see Alfie looking sorrowful. I looked back down at fathers body and saw two more shots in his chest, one in his heart. I let out another sob and fell backwards, my hands clutching my chest.

"Why did you stop? I-Is help here?" My mother questioned, looking at me and then Alfie. I shook my head and she clenched her eyes shut, laying her head on my fathers stomach.

Alfie stayed with us until an ambulance and the police showed up. The removed my fathers body and had a second ambulance take my mother and I to the hospital.

The nurses cleaned and changed me, giving me a white bed in an all white room. I laid motionless, thinking about the events of the night when the doctor came in.

"Hello my dear, how are we feeling?" He questioned, looking at the clipboard in his hands, then to my tear stricken face.

"My baby. Is my baby okay?" I questioned. He laid me on my back and began to perform a few tests. I closed my eyes and cried silently, still in shock and grief.

"There is no baby, it seems." The doctor spoke. I opened my eyes and looked at him, confusion lacing my features.

"I don't understand? My monthly never came after I-"

"I can assure you, you are not pregnant. Sometimes in stress induced situations, a woman's cycle can be thrown off course. Nothing to worry, just a bit of rest and a better sleep schedule before you can start trying again." The doctor smiled, patting my shoulder and leaving me alone with my thoughts.

I tried to stop the tears, but they had been flowing since the wedding. The door opened and shut after about an hour, but I was facing away, hoping whoever it was would just leave.

"Y/N?" Alfie's voice called out into the silence. I didn't respond.

"You ain't gotta talk to me. Please tell me if the babe is alright?" He spoke.

"There isn't a baby, Alfie. Doctor said I was never pregnant. Leave me alone." I bit out, still facing away. I felt the bed creak as he sat at the end, rubbing my leg above the blanket. I pulled away from him and finally faced him, guilt etching his features.

"You knew. You knew it was going to happen didn't you? That's why you showed up to the wedding?" I questioned.

"The blinders found out about me an' the wops. I was too late. M'sorry dove." Alife confessed.

"You lied to me about everything. About my parents, Jacob, the wedding. For what? That I still don't understand." I spoke, throat coarse from crying and yelling. He didn't say anything.

"You're done here now. My fathers debt was collected and you failed to help him. All you did was fuck up my life, Alfie. Go home. Or don't, just get away from me." I bit out, laying back down on the pillow and closing my eyes, tears pooling once again. I waited until I heard him leave, the sound of the door shutting triggering full body sobs.

After a day in the hospital, my mother and I were back in our home. It was quiet and cold, missing my fathers presence. My mother was kept in the hospital for shock, and they released her to me once I was cleared, but she was yet to recover. I held her arm in mine and lead her to bed, tucking her in. She was just a shell, silent and pale.

"I'm going to make us some lunch, just shout if you need me." I spoke, brushing her hair out of her face. She ignored me and I sighed.

After a few months of me caring for my mother, she had improved greatly. She could care for herself now, but had only left the house twice, once to witness my annulment to Jacob and once more for fathers funeral. She was quiet, thin, and cried often, but she was talking and smiling more frequently. I hadn't seen Alfie since I told him to leave me be, and it has been hard. I spent all my time caring for mother and the house to distract myself, but he always found his way back to the front of my mind.

I left my mother in the garden reading a novel with Biscuit on her lap to go to the shops and get our groceries. Biscuit had been a great comfort to her, she always claimed to hate him until now, he kept fathers side of the bed warm.

I walked into town and began shopping at the markets, gathering some meat and eggs. A bouncing head of red hair caught my attention.

"Elise?" I questioned. She stopped and turned, her jaw dropping.

"Y/N! Darling!" She exclaimed, wrapping her arms around me. I hadn't seen her since the first night I met her at her party Alfie took me to. She pulled away and examined me.

"How have you been then?" She questioned. I smiled.

"I've been better." I confessed. She nodded and brought me over to a bench, sitting us both down, the now breezy autumn air surrounding us.

"No need to beat around the bush. I know everything, and I'm sorry. for your father, Alfie, everything." She spoke, holding my hands in hers, the basket of goods placed between us.

"It's alright Elise, really. I've started to heal." I smiled, pushing back tears and the mention of my father.

"Darling, I didn't know what Alfie did, but I do know he needs you about as much as you need him." She spoke, sympathy lacing her beautiful features.

"He doesn't need me, Elise. He betrayed me." I spoke, looking down. She released my hand and tilted my chin to have me face her.

"He thought he was protecting you. Doesn't make it right, but it makes it understandable, and more importantly, forgivable." She spoke. I sighed and looked away.

"He's bad, love. Goes to work, locks himself in his office, then straight to his house. I've checked in, he isn't eating or sleeping. You know how he can be. You don't have to forgive him or take him back, but please talk to him. For me." Elise pleaded. I nodded and we went our separate ways.

A week later, after heavy internal debating, I found myself on Alfie's doorstep. I knocked hesitantly. I got no response for a while, until the door swung open and revealed Alfie. He looked tired, his skin scratchy and untreated. He seemed shocked to see me.

"Can I come in?" I questioned. He moved to the side and let me in, shutting the door after me. I entered the den, greeting Cyril who laid in front of the roaring fire place. He lazily rolled over for me to pat his belly, and I did so with a smile. I sat on the couch, placing my coat down on the arm of the couch. He was staring at me, waiting for me to speak. I moved closer to him and placed my hands on his cheeks, his coarse beard tickling my fingers. He closed his eyes and let out a breath.

"I'm sorry, Alfie." I muttered, pressing my lips to his. He wrapped his arms around me instantly, pulling me onto his lap. He deepened the kiss, his big hands spread across my back. He pulled away and brushed my hair out of my face, looking deep into my eyes.

"What're you sorry for?" He questioned. I smiled and smoothed his hair back with my fingers, then smoothing out his worry lines on his forehead. Ingraining every inch of his face into memory.

"I was mad. I didn't mean what I said. I thought you had moved on but when I ran into Elise she told me you were struggling. I spent the last week thinking of ways to apologize. Do you forgive me?" I questioned.

"Nah, gonna hate you for the rest of time treacle." He spoke, smirking. I rolled my eyes.

"What do I have to do to get you to forgive me?" I questioned, stroking his face.

"Marry me?"

[sassy-ahsoka-tano]

I Got You Babe

Character/Fandom: Steve Binder - Elvis (2022)

Requested: yes - anon

Prompt: You witnessed the assassination of Bobby Kennedy. The first person you can think of to call is an old flame, Steve Binder. When he picks you up and brings you to NBC Studios where Elvis is filming a tv special, you remember just how much Steve means to you.

TW: Mentions of death, depression, a little trauma

Rating: Pg-13   ||     Word Count: 3016

A/N: i'm in love with this fic and also with dacre thank u

🦋 mila

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You sit down, gripping the arm of the chair with white knuckles. Your heart is still pounding in your ears, sending painful shocks through your head. After heaving a few shaky breaths, you reach over for the telephone and lift it to your ear. You dial in the number you’ve memorized by heart and twist the phone chord around in your fingers as you beg, pray, and plead for an answer. After a few rings, the other line clicks on and static fills the space between you.

“This is Steve Binder with NCB Studios," the familiar voice crackles through the phone speaker and you sigh in relief.

“Steve, it’s Y/N. I-I didn’t know who else to call,” you say as you try to gulp the tears away.

“Y/N, it’s good to hear your voice,” Steve replies. “Are you…alright? Is something wrong? How can I help?”

You smile weakly at Steve’s willingness to just jump right in. He’s always been like that, for as long as you’ve known him. And it's one of the things that made you fall in love with him so many years ago.

“I…I assume you’ve heard the news?”

“About Bobby Kennedy? Of course. I’m not sure what to do with myself, honestly. I…working feels so wrong when our country is bleeding out like this.”

You nod vigorously even though you know Steve can’t see you. You grip the phone with both hands, closing your eyes and giving in to your brain as it replays the scenes over and over again.

You were there when it happened. You were just walking across the street, just passing like it was any other old day. The gunshot ricocheted through your body as if you were the one who’d been hit. Your eyes immediately flashed to follow the people along the street, sprinting and screaming. You hadn’t been able to see much, thanks to the crowd which had gathered around. But when two people shifted with the most unfortunate timing, you’d seen enough. There was no question as to who had been assassinated. Everyone was shouting and repeating that “Bobby Kennedy’s been shot!” You didn’t know what to do, so you stood, frozen, and watched as they loaded his body into an ambulance and sped off toward the hospital.

The bang, the blood, the screams…all of those terrible images continue to flash in front of your eyes. They're all so vivid, as if you're watching them happen in front of you again.

You don’t want to worry Steve, but you truly hadn't known who else to call. He was the first person you found yourself wanting to speak to as you stumbled back into your house and crashed onto all fours on the floor of your living room. You scrunch your nose as your face screws up with grief, tears threatening to spill from your eyes. You grip the phone and take a shaky breath.

“I was there, Steve,” you say.

But you've said it so quietly that you aren’t sure whether Steve has heard you, especially after several moments of silence follow.

“I was there,” you repeat, a bit louder this time.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry,” he finally replies before sighing loudly.

You know that sigh. You envision him leaning over his desk, elbow propped on his knee, fingers stretched across his forehead. It's a position you’d seen many times when you were together. It always came out during stressful evenings at the studio.

“It’s not your fault, Steve. There’s nothing you could have done. I just…” you glance up at the ceiling as the images roll through your brain again. This time, you aren’t strong enough to stop the tears which begin to stream down your face all at once. Your breath shakes so loudly that he can probably hear it on the other side. “I just didn’t want to be alone.”

“You won’t be. I’m coming to pick you up.”

“Steve, that’s like an hour drive from you. You-”

“End of discussion. I’m leaving now. I hate to ask this of you, but would you mind if we came back to the studio? I have a really important guest star that I sort of need to be with. If that’s too much, I’m more than happy to take off early and stay at home with you.”

“No, no. The studio is fine. Maybe I can help. It’ll get my mind off of…what happened.”

“One hour, I’ll be there.”

He doesn’t even wait for you to respond before clicking the phone back onto the receiver. You slowly place your own line back into its position on the side table and curl up on the couch. You don’t want to wait an hour, but the thought of running into Steve’s strong arms is enough to keep you satisfied for the moment. You reach for the remote to turn on the television but stop when you realize that all of the coverage will be showing the very images you're trying to escape. Instead, you lie down on the couch and close your eyes.

The shrill sound of the doorbell is what awakens you. Shocked and disoriented, you stumble off the couch and rush toward the door. You unlock the latches and swing it open to reveal Steve, dressed in a beautiful blue velvet suit. Your eyes quickly trace down his figure which is familiar in some places but strange in others. He’s bigger, stronger than the last time you’d seen him. His hair is much longer, falling in chestnut waves across his forehead and neck. He wears a blue ascot tied expertly around his throat which leads your eye perfectly down onto the exposed skin between two flaps of fabric on his chest. You gulp and allow your eyes to connect with his.

As soon as they do, you can see the concern in his expression. His eyes are bloodshot, red with what you assume were his tears after watching Bobby Kennedy die on national television. His eyebrows are pulled upward and his lips look red and swollen. His hair is disheveled and his face drawn. He looks like he hasn't slept in five days.

“Hi,” he says quietly.

“Hi,” you respond in a voice barely above a whisper.

You both stand still, staring at each other for a moment while you each wait for the other to make a move. Finally, Steve holds out his arms, stepping into your house. His small gesture is all it takes to break you. You fall into his arms, gripping onto the soft fabric of his jacket. He gently maneuvers you onto the ground, pulling your body into his lap. He wraps one arm around your shoulders and the other rests on the top of your head, stroking your hair. He doesn’t say anything but his presence is enough.

Your shoulders wrack as the tears flood out of your eyes and onto his clothes. His fingers methodically tense and relax on your head. This is something Steve has always done. You can’t explain why, but it’s oddly comforting. Maybe because it reminds you of what you two used to be, the good times you had together. Once you’ve finally gotten ahold of yourself, you pull back and wipe your eyes with a sniff.

“Sorry, I just need to change really quickly, if you don’t mind. And then I’ll be ready to go.”

You move to stand, but he grabs onto your fingers.

“Don’t be sorry. And take your time. I have a surprise at the studio which I think you might like,” Steve replies, offering a weak smile. You return it, your mind dancing around the word surprise.

You quickly change into a more comfortable outfit and rake your fingers through your hair to make yourself as presentable as possible before returning to the living room. Steve’s back is turned to you as he examines some of the framed photos you have propped up on a bookshelf in the corner.

“I’m ready,” you say and he jerks around to face you.

“Sure, uh…” he awkwardly hovers for a minute before striding forward to open the door for you.

You thank him and walk through, shutting and locking it behind you both. He’s parked right out front, so it only takes a few minutes to get in and take off toward NBC Studios in Burbank. You curl up against the window with your back facing Steve and close your eyes again, trying to get some rest. He turns the radio on low but the broadcast keeps getting interrupted with news reports and updates. You block them out the best you can over the next hour and are thankful when you finally pull up to the studio. As you wake yourself up, Steve rushes around to open the door for you. You thank him and he offers you his hand, which you accept.

He leads you inside, holding every door for you and smiling each time you glide past him. As shitty as you still feel, his intense need to be a gentleman is making you feel a bit better already. Before you enter the last set of doors, Steve pauses.

“Remember how I told you that I had a surprise for you?” he asks and you nod. “Well, we’re doing this special and the star of the show is Elvis Presley. He should be in here working on a new song.”

“Elvis? Wow…” you reply breathlessly. “That must be cool.”

A smile, a genuine one, breaks across Steve’s features for the first time since you’ve been together. You can’t help but return it, tilting your head to take in every angle of his charming face. The additional few years of age look good on him. He’s even more handsome than you remember.

He, once again, opens the door for you to step through. You do and freeze in the doorway when you see that the Elvis Presley is, in fact, there. He’s laying back on some pillows on the ground, holding a sheet of paper up to his eyes. You tense as you feel Steve’s hand sliding around your back to support you.

“Hey everybody, this is Y/N. This is Bones Howe, who you’ve met before, and Elvis Presley,” Steve says, gesturing with his arm as he introduces everyone. “Y/N…is gonna be helping us out today since Margaret went home hours ago.”

You sheepishly wave at them both as Steve gently pushes you toward a couch across from the piano. You assume Margaret is probably the secretary and, although you have no secretarial experience, you’re happy to help.

“Nice to meet ya,” Elvis murmurs with a small smile.

As you sit, you feel heat creeping into your face. He is incredibly handsome in person, even more than he is on tv. But when Steve begins talking to direct the session, your eyes stick onto him and stay there. You watch his eyes light up when Elvis begins to sing. You watch his mouth as he takes a drag from his cigarette, his plump lips expertly holding the stick between his teeth. You watch his hands as they shuffle through papers and drag across his chin and lips. You miss him. You feel a longing for him, even though he’s right here in the room with you.

Even though you’re supposed to be the secretary for the night, you aren’t asked to do a single thing other than hold a sheet of paper for Elvis for a few minutes. You feel incredibly lucky, just getting to be an observer of the magic that’s currently happening in such a small room in NBC Studios. Every so often, you and Steve make eye contact across the room. Each time, you both share a small smile. A few times, Steve winks and you bite your lip.

There comes a time during the morning when all that can be done is Elvis replaying and practicing the lyrics until he has them down. At that point, Steve makes his way over to you and sits down on the couch with a sigh. You glance over at the clock to see the hands gesturing to 4:15. The realization draws a yawn out of you, and you press your fingers to your lips. You’re curled up, your knees pulled tightly into your chest.

You glance over at Steve to find his eyes already on you. He offers a small smile and reaches out to place his palm on your cheek. You don’t mean to but your body leans into his touch, and you close your eyes. His hand is warm on your skin and you want to jump out of your place on the couch to wrap your arms around him and kiss his beautiful pink lips. But you banish the thought, just happy to be in his presence.

“How are you feeling?” he asks quietly so as not to disturb Elvis. His hand slides from your cheek and you sigh.

“Better. Much better, thank you. This is amazing. What you’re doing here.”

“Thank you,” Steve smiles, averting your eyes. You think you see a little bit of a blush settling on his cheeks.

“No need to thank me. I’m just telling the truth. You know, I always knew that you’d do something great. You were always so driven, so dedicated. So good at what you do. That was part of the reason I…”

You trail off, unable to finish your thought. The reason I love you, was what you mean to say. But, despite the fact that you had dated for a few months several years ago, neither of you had ever gotten the courage to say those three little words.

“The reason what?” Steve presses. When you glance up into his beautiful blue eyes, they’re sparkling. They flick between both of your eyes as he searches for your answer.

“The reason I called you. Because I knew that you’d understand. And I think I made the right choice.”

“Alright, folks, well I think we should wrap it up for now,” Bones’ voice interrupted your conversation. “EP, you’re sounding great but get some rest so you’re not completely exhausted tomorrow.”

Elvis nods, thanking Bones and Billy Goldenburg, the piano player. As he, Bones, and Billy are leaving, Elvis turns toward you and Steve. He speaks so that only the two of you can hear him.

“Try and get some rest in, lovebirds,” he winks with a mischievous smile as he leaves the room.

Your eyes widen but you say nothing, glancing down at your knees with a nervous gulp. A few moments of silence pass before Steve turns to you.

“So what did you think of the song?” he asks awkwardly and you chuckle.

“I love it. I think it’s really powerful. It’s sort of a song that only Elvis could sing.”

“I agree.”

A few more awkward silent moments pass.

“Um, do you,” Steve’s head drops as he chukles, “do you remember when, um, we were at that bar and they were picking people out of the crowd to sing in front of everyone? And they picked us, of all people. They wanted us to sing ‘I Got You Babe’ by Sonny and Cher?”

Your eyebrows furrow as you try to remember what he’s talking about. Suddenly at the mention of Sonny and Cher, all of the memories come flooding back to you. You slap your hand against your mouth and laugh out loud.

“Yes, of course I remember! Oh, that was a disaster,” you reply and Steve laughs. “You were horrible!"

“Me? What about you? You forgot half of the lyrics!”

“Okay but at least I could hold a note, Steve!”

You've both rotated now, turning to face each other. You've also leaned in, so your knees are touching and faces are only a few inches apart. Steve has absentmindedly taken your hands in his, intertwining his fingers with yours.

“You’re beautiful…” Steve’s exrpression flattens as he realizies what he’s said. Your smile also fades, leaving your lips hanging open in surprise. Silence settles, although neither of you break the intense eye contact you’re sharing.

“Y/N…”

“Yes, Steve,” you whisper, leaning forward ever so slightly.

Your eyes flick down to his lips and then to his chest. The ascot has been discarded and his jacket removed. His blue silk dress shirt is mostly unbuttoned now, and you long to run your fingers down his smooth chest, to grab onto his skin, to feel it against yours. He reaches out, placing one hand on each side of your face. His eyes dart around you, drinking you in.

“I love you. I should have said it a long time ago, but I just was scared. I loved you so much that the thought of you not loving me back physically hurt. I was afraid that you wouldn’t want me, and I just-”

“Steve, Steve, Steve,” you whisper, bringing your hands up to cup his face. You smush his cheeks a little to get him to stop speaking. His eyes recenter on yours and he gazes into you. “I love you, too. I always have. Why do you think you were the first person I called? The first one I thought of? Because you’re the one I want to be there when I need someone. You’re the one I want.”

He jolts forward, pressing his lips onto yours. You yelp with surprise but quickly kiss him back, winding your hands around his neck and threading your fingers into his soft chesnut hair. His hands slide around your waist, pulling you closer to him. His lips are perfectly soft, tasting like cigarette smoke in your mouth. When you pull back, you press your foreheads together and giggle.

“I love you so much,” he says. “Sorry to keep saying it but I just wanna say it all the time now. Every second of every day.”

“No complaints from me,” you respond and chuckle.

He smiles and presses his lips to yours again, leaning back onto the couch and pulling you down with him. Yeah, you definitely made the right call.

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[keanureevesisbae]

Captain Syverson x Ivy Sullivan (an oblivious one shot)

Summary: Ivy is expecting, however it comes with a few ups and downs.

Wordcount: 1.4k

Warnings: None

masterlist // oblivious masterlist

‘Mom!’ 

Gosh, Erin has a loud shrieking voice, especially when she’s in distress. The hairs in my neck are standing straight up and internally I’m screaming.

‘If this is about an outfit,’ Sy mumbles, ‘she’s your daughter.’ 

‘Shut up,’ I sigh, curling up next to his warm side. ‘If it’s anything other than outfit related, the girl is all yours.’

‘Sure.’

The door opens and I crack an eye open. ‘It’s Sunday, Erin,’ I say, ‘meaning it’s my only day off and I like to sleep in.’

‘Likewise,’ Sy mumbles.

‘It’s an emergency.’

It alerts Sy instantly. ‘What’s wrong?’ he asks, sounding a lot more awake. ‘Everything alright?’

‘I’ve got this text from Teddy and I really need to know how to answer this.’

Sy groans. ‘This one’s yours,’ he says.

‘Outfit troubles were mine,’ I mutter, pushing myself up and rubbing my face. ‘What is the problem, darling?’

Erin walks over to us and plops on the bed. It’s been two years since I officially became their cool aunt, though recently, the girls have been calling me ‘mom’ and Sy ‘dad’. It’s darling and it means they are happy with us. 

‘Thought you were happily dating for almost two years,’ I note. ‘Good grief, what could shake you?’

‘I think he is going to break up with me,’ she says, showing me her phone. ‘Look at the last text he send me.’

CAN’T HANG OUT TODAY. BASEBALL PRACTICE. TOMORROW?

‘Honey, honey,’ I say, ‘he just told you he has baseball practice and he wants to hang out tomorrow. Allow me to remind you it’s Sunday morning.’ I drop back on the mattress. ‘It’s a good thing I love you loads, because otherwise I would’ve kicked your ass.’

She sighs. ‘I’m sorry. It’s our two year anniversary soon. I was just worrying.’ Erin lays down next to me and places her hand on my stomach. ‘How are you feeling today?’ she asks.

‘Well, I am not puking my insides out, so I’m doing alright.’

The door opens and Aurora and Clover want to jump on the bed, however Sy is quick to say: ‘Careful! We’ve got precious cargo on the bed.’

‘We would never hurt the baby,’ Aurora says, crawling on the bed, just like Clover gets in with us too and adds: ‘Duh.’

Getting pregnant wasn’t the plan. I wanted to call it an accident, but Sy told me calling it a surprise might be better and a little less crude. Either way, I am now seventeen weeks pregnant. The bump is not much yet, but I am not even halfway, so plenty of time to develop stretch marks and what not. 

The girls are ecstatic about it, just like Sy is. It was a bit hard for me to accept . I never thought of having a kid, let alone cooking one. Sure, I’m happy about the little one, but there is also this deep fear living inside of me.

‘Come on,’ Sy says, ‘since we’re all up, how about some pancakes as breakfast?’

‘Yes, I’ll help out,’ Erin says, before she presses a kiss on my stomach and the rest of the girls follow suit. The three of them walk out of the bedroom, stumble downstairs (which comes paired with the necessary screams and squeals) and Sy pushes himself up as well. 

‘You okay, babe?’

‘I’m alright.’

He turns to the side. ‘Bad day?’

‘Kinda.’ I sit up straight as well and lean against the headboard. ‘Sometimes I want to walk away from everything,’ I admit. ‘What if I’m a terrible mother?’

‘You’re gonna be a fantastic mom,’ Sy says, ‘because you already are. Come on, the girls love you immensely. I love you immensely. This baby, our baby, will love you to pieces.’

‘What if I get major postpartum depression?’ I ask. ‘What if I walk away?’

‘You’re not,’ he tells me, ‘gonna walk away. If you develop postpartum depression, we’ll get the right help.’ He grabs my hand and gives my fingers a kiss. ‘I love you and I promise I will take good care of you, the girls and the baby.’

‘I love you too,’ I mutter. ‘Can you do me a favor?’

‘Sure.’

‘Take the girls today. I kinda need to be alone.’

☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎

Alone means driving my purple car to a place far away. It means being by myself in the park a little outside Lubbock. If someone congratulates me once more on my pregnancy whose face I recognize, I’m gonna scream. 

I sit down on a park bench and stare over the little playground, where a few kids are playing, together with their parents. It’s always sweet to reminisce here, I think to myself. I remember taking Clover here when she was a little one. It’s always nice here, very chilled and laid back. Despite wanting to put my mind somewhere other than kids, I still end up here, which probably says enough.

It’s not that I am not happy with the little one growing inside my stomach, but it’s just so scary. I am so afraid to screw up. Taking care of kids that are already here is easy. Taking care of a kid I baked, that is scary.

A woman sits down next to me and when I look to the side, I see she’s on the older side, like she’s a grandmother already or something.  ‘First child?’ the woman asks.

I shrug, placing my hand on my slight protruding stomach. ‘Sorta. It’s a long story, really. First pregnancy though.’

‘I remember when I was pregnant with my first daughter,’ the woman says, a nostalgic smile appearing on her face. ‘I was scared to death.’

‘I can imagine that,’ I say. 

‘It wasn’t planned?’ 

I’m getting real personal real quick here, but this woman resembles a friendly grandma, so I don’t mind. ‘Not really. Kind of scared to screw up.’

‘Oh honey, I remember that feeling,’ she says, letting out a chuckle afterwards. ‘But remember: baby’s are built for parents who have no idea what they are doing.’

‘It’s not particularly that I’m afraid of,’ I say. ‘It’s more the whole idea of not walking away from them.’

She does not seem to understand.

‘I… I myself was put for adoption many many times. I have no idea who my real parents were and ended up in foster care. Now… That won’t happen to this one, but… What if I resemble my parents?’

‘You never know that,’ she says and I must say I appreciate her honesty. ‘You got yourself a good fella?’

‘A very good one,’ I say, the mere idea of Sy causing me to smile widely. 

‘Talk to him. Let him know about what you’re going through. As ugly as it can be, show him.’

‘Why?’

‘Because if he’s a real good fella, he’ll help you through it.

☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎

I thought a lot about what the woman said to me. I have let Sy in, but not the deep stuff. The stuff I’m embarrassed about. I park the car on the driveway and make my way to the porch, when Sy walks out of the front door. He sees my flushed cheeks, as I cried all the way from the playground till I drove back into Lubbock again. ‘Babe, you okay?’ he asks, walking down the stairs of the porch. ‘Talk to me, darling.’

Tears fill up my eyes once again. ‘I’m scared, Sy.’

‘I know,’ he says. ‘I understand.’ He stops in front of me, placing his hands on my shoulders. 

‘And I’m really happy at the same time. I love this baby so so much, but I keep thinking I’m going to take after my own parents.’

He doesn’t say anything. Instead, he simply nods, giving me a reassuring squeeze. 

‘I know you’ll be here for me, I know you’re going to take good care of me, but… I can’t help but wonder… What is going to happen to me?’

‘Nothing bad on my watch,’ he says without even thinking about it for a second. ‘Babe, I love you so much and I will take such good care of you.’ One hand travels to my belly and he whispers: ‘You’re not alone and never will be, okay?’

‘I know that,’ I whisper. ’Sy… I love you a lot. Even if you annoy me around ninety percent of the time and you’re quite disgusting from time to time.’

Sy chuckles. ‘I love you more, even though you kick me every night a few times.’ He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me to his chest. ‘I’m going to be here for you, okay?’

I close my eyes, as I tightly snake my arms around his neck. ‘Okay.’

☁︎ ☁︎ ☁︎

Oblivious taglist: @diegos-butt // @oddsnendsfanfics // @crazybutconfidentaf // @thelastsock // @angelcavill66 // @eldarwen333 // @abschaffer2 // @shewritesinthethirdperson // @thereisa8ella // @funfickgirl22 // @offtheclockcilantro // @liecastillo // @heather-c-m // @its--fandom--darling // @coldmuffinbanditshoe // @lyrarodriguez // @islacharlotte // @joaniepencil // @gearhead66 // @sofiebstar // @summersong69 // @kebabgirl67 //

[rrickgrrimes8]

hi! i was thinking if you could write an imagine of reader being rick and lori's daughter and sister to carl, rj and judith. i don't have a specific idea in mind, but just her before and after the time jump, struggling with being there when lori and carl died, and looking for rick with daryl, her relationship with her siblings and michonne, maybe maggie and hershel too (i was thinking since carl was 10 when it all started, she was 7 so now she's 17) thank you so much, and btw i loved your imagines i've read so far 💞

Being a Grimes ~ Rick Grimes x Grimes!reader

thank you so much for requesting i really enjoyed making this one. i also have a series kinda like this about Jacey Grimes which i’m currently making a book two for.

warnings: alluding to sexual assault or rape, suicide, death, gore (lemme know if i’ve missed anything off here)

sorry if there is any mistakes please tell if there is and give me feedback i’d love to here back from yall

masterlist

request guidelines

request are open

It was strange for y/n. This world would be strange for anyone really. But she was different. At only a mere 7 years old when the world went to shit she struggled as did many others. With the recent loss of her father - one she didn't entirely understand - still protruding through her heart, it was hard - so hard. 

When it happened she was at daycare. The teaching assistant tried and successfully ate the teacher in front of her. She was next and was so close to being eaten until Shane rushed in. He kicked Ms Twune and grabbed y/n. Her mom sobbed at the sight of her, covered in blood and the tears smothering her daughters face. Carl was shocked too. He wanted nothing more than to protect his little sister. His dad always used to tell him that that was his duty - his job. And he hated how he had failed in this moment. 

They made it to the quarry soon after. Y/n thought the group was nice - well mostly. The Dixon brothers scared her was what she told her brother or any of the children she had befriended. But she was lying. Yes, she was scared but only of Merle. He was creepy and mean to anyone he saw. Daryl was somewhat the same but he always found himself being nicer to the young child. And often kept her company when Lori and Shane went for a ‘walk’ in the woods. Glenn was another she found herself drawn to. He unlike Daryl happily invited her company. Glenn was sweet and funny. He never failed at making her laugh till she felt like she was going to pee. They were good friends which came to a fault when he had to go on runs. She’d scream and cry and refuse to let go of him because she was afraid that what happened to her father would happen to him. 

That’s what happened earlier that morning. Glenn and a few others were going into Atlanta, despite her dismay. Glenn assured her he’d be fine, which she didn't believe and continued her tantrum. 

“Can yer’ shut that damn baby up?” Merle spat covering his ears. 

Shane shot him a threatening glare while Glenn stayed preoccupied with the distraught girl. “Hey, it's okay. I’m coming back,” He insisted holding her tightly at his hip, “I promise you, sweet girl.” 

“No, b-b-but dada promise too a-a-and h-he,” She stopped herself, sobs erupting from her small body. 

“I know sweet girl, I know. But I’ll be back I know I will.” Glenn placed her on the back of the RV, “I tell you what I’ll bring you back some of your favourite sweeties, huh? Would you like that?” 

Giddily she nodded at his proposition, “Yes! Yes!” 

“Alright, then I’ll bring back some for you, okay?” She nodded smiling cheerfully, “I love you, kid.” 

“I luv you too, dumbass,” y/n giggled. 

Glenn looked around cautiously hoping no one heard that “Hey sweet girl you can't say that.” 

“W-what? Why?” the child began to cry again, “Y-y-you say it.” 

“I know b-but its adult words okay? Not y/n words. When you're older, alright?” She nodded her head again kissing his cheeks softly and hugging him. “Thank you, sweet girl. I’ll see you soon,” He kissed the top of her head and started towards the car smiling as she shouted, “With sweeties!”

The group returned hours later bearing a new man instead of Merle. Y/n waited patiently for Glenn and the aforementioned sweets. "Gen!" She screamed happily still unable to say his name fully. The man sprinted over to her, pulling her into a much-needed cuddle after the day he had. 

"It's Glenn, sweetheart," He chuckled while correcting. 

"Oh sorry Gen," She wrapped her dainty arms around his neck. 

"That's okay, sweet girl. I missed you." 

"I missed you too," She whispered before letting out a longwinded 'ew', "You stinky, Gen." 

The man smelt his shirt and nodded as the potent smell of walkers reached his nose. "I know yucky right?" 

"Yucky!" Y/n buried her face in Glenn's shirt ignoring the stench and just enjoying his company. She always became clingy like this after coming home from a run. He loved it. On runs, if he ever encountered a life-threatening situation - like the one today - he always finds himself realising how much she means to him. Glenn saw her as a little sister - one almost replacing the ones that were cruely ripped from him when this began. 

"How was it?" She inquired. 

"Not fun, sweet girl. But I got your sweeties and a nice man helped us out. Saved us," She beamed. 

"I like the good man. I'll give him two kisses when I see him. Maybe even one of my sweeties," Glenn chuckled. 

"Why two kisses, y/n?" 

"One for saving you. Two for bringing you hom," Glenn grinned contently and kissed her forehead. 

"Its home bubs with an e on the end." 

"Oh," She mumbled burying herself again. 

"Oh my God," Someone muttered as they exited the van. 

"Dad! Dad!" Carl screamed causing Glenn to snap his head in their direction. Carl came running towards the man, Rick, who had saved them in Atlanta. Y/n hadn't moved yet as she feared it was only a dream. That her dada wasn't really here. 

"Sweet girl," He pulled her out of his neck, "Look it's your dad." The child gazed over to where her brother had run to. Sure enough, it was her dad. He held Carl as he cried, looking to Y/n wanting to hold her too. 

"Dada!" She screamed jumping out of Glenn's arms dangerously. The girl scraped her knee on the way down but continued throwing herself into the hug. 

"Oh, Carl! Y/n!" She kissed all over his face childishly, "I luv you, dada." 

"I love you too, baby girl."

~

The years hadn't been kind to Y/n. She lost so much. Too much in fact that it had driven her to the depts of insanity and made her do things to herself, to others that she more than resented. The first loss was her mothers. She wasn't there like Carl was but the grief burned through her still. Y/n was too young to understand it really. Just how she was when Rick supposedly died. Y/n couldn't understand where her mom had gone she just knew she had a little sister now. One she swore to protect. 

She thought she had failed that when the prison fell. The young child was on her own. Injured and lost. She wandered through the woods for days until she stumbled across a group. The group were mean and despite her resistance wouldn't let her go. They hurt her in ways she didn't and wouldn't speak of it even now. But that all changed when Daryl showed up. He protected her - stopped them from hurting her. And eventually led her back to her family. Where for the first time she began to fear her father. 

Terminus was next. The people there snatched her from her family. She was forced to watch from afar as they were guided into the crate. Rick fought against them, Carl too but it was to no use. They had sectioned her off in a playroom. Every once in a while an older woman came in to fed and played with her. She hated it. Being in this world for more than a year now she knew that people like them didn't just want to play even if she did. She learnt that from the Claimers. 

Carol found her. Although having never have been all that close to the older woman - the only relation being the closeness between y/n and Sophia - seeing her after so long made her cry out of joy. Carol was happy too as she rushed out of that place to take her to safety. The pair ended up in the woods. Carol had stopped a moment ago to clean the dirt from her face, "lemme help." 

The girl sat up from where she was put down and cupped some water splashing it on Carol's face. Carol flinched as the water hit her, "Uh thank you." 

"Welcome," She looked away getting distracted by the nearing sound of footsteps. 

"Get behind me, y/n," Carol ordered to which she shook her head. 

"No it dada," She ran away from the woman and towards the group. 

"Y/n come back here!" Y/n continued ignoring Carols pleas and crashed herself into the back of Rick's legs. 

The father shot around and began to cry as he saw the child he thought he lost at his feet. "Oh, baby!" He collected the girl in his arms. Carl rushed to them too happy to see her alive after Gareth claimed he killed her. "Oh y/n, never leave me again, okay?" He looked directly into her matching blue eyes, "Promise me." 

"I promise, dada." 

Later Carol led them to Judith. Y/n was over the moon and refused to let her out of her sight, which was exactly what Rick was doing too. They found the church a while after. There they had some semblance of peace. She was glad to have Glenn back - Maggie too. Along with the new people although Eugene was a bit weird. 

At the church was also when the questions started. Daryl had told Rick about the group they were with and regretfully had to inform the father how she was there before him. Rick asked y/n - begged her - to tell her what happened. But she refused. She couldn't say what happened. What they did, which just made Rick fear more. Eventually, she spoke a little about it. She was vague and could barely string two words together without crying. He hated it. He hated how this was a reality for his daughter. He saw the bruises they left. And he couldn't understand how someone could touch his child. Or how he could be so powerless to stop it. 

Bob died. She didn't really know the man but it still upset her. Beth too. Although she was a lot closer to her. Beth was one of her only friends and was someone who would look after her when her father couldn't. They bonded and now she was gone. 

After Beth's demise, they spent lots of time on the road. They suffered, almost died countless times but they prevailed. They got stronger - she got stronger. And they eventually found Alexandria. There everything was good again like how it was at the prison or even before this hell. She liked it there and didn't understand why the others were so sceptical. 

Though that didn't last for long. Y/n began to hate the place when Carl got shot. Alexandria almost stole her brother from her. So she despised it. She refused to leave her brother's side as he adjusted to his injury. Yes, he found it annoying how she wouldn't leave him be and he often snapped at her. But she was there when he needed her. Despite the age difference and the many years of memories they had lost to this fight, she understood his pain. When he saw himself as ugly, a monster even, she made him think otherwise. She kept him afloat, which he was eternally thankful for. 

Glenn was next. 

She didn't believe it even after she was forced to see it with her own two eyes. She was next to Glenn in the lineup. She had to watch up close. Y/n had to be mocked by that man. She had to stay the whole night with her best friends brains on her face. After that night she blamed herself. She told herself that if Negan was just one person off she would be dead and he would live. He would get to see his child born and grow old with Maggie like they had spoken about. She wholeheartedly believed he deserved to live over her. 

The war with Negan shook her to the core. At the time his face filled her nightmares. He just looked so normal. He looked nice even. Yet he hurt and he hurt and he hurt. 

He killed her Glenn. And then Carl. It wasn't Negans fault although she did blame him. Carl had gotten bit. Y/n held his hand as he died in that tunnel as the home they had built above them fell. She got a letter too - even though she would rather have preferred to have her brother back. In the letter, Carl told her how proud he was of her - how thankful he was to have her as a sister. He told her to protect Judith, their dad and Michonne, who she had recently begun to call momma. 

After Carl's death, y/n shut herself from the world well everyone except her father. For days she would cry until she couldn't anymore. She would scream and scream until her voice was gone. She just didn't understand why it had to be Carl? Why mom? Why Glenn? Why Beth? Why was it never her? The following weeks she found herself wishing it would be her next. She could never bring herself to say it out loud but with any battle, any fight, anything, she wished it would be her. 

So when she lost her father her whole world fell apart. He was her consistent so why did he leave her? She was at the bridge that day. Daryl held her crying frame as Rick set off that final shot blowing him and the walkers off the bridge. Y/n Grimes' father was dead. 

She stayed in Alexandria for a while afterwards. For the sole reason to protect her siblings. Yes, siblings - plural. Somehow through all the bad some good came from it. She just wished her father and Carl could've seen it. RJ Grimes came into this world 9 months later. And he was perfect. For months she would assist in taking care of him as Michonne wasn't doing the greatest without the love of her life. Truth be told neither was y/n she was just better at hiding it. 

Until one night it all became too much. Y/n didn't know how it happened but she found herself balancing on the edge of her window. She wanted to jump - to end it. But she just couldn't will herself to do it. And when Daryl showed up she knew she couldn't. "Hey step away from ta window, alrigh'," The man ordered as he saw her shaking frame rocking back and forth. 

"I-i can't," She sobbed. 

"Ye' ya can. Jus' step back I'll catch ya," Daryl moved closer but paused when she shouted to stop. 

"I can't, Daryl. They're all gone. They're all dead," The tears clouded her eyes. She shut them tightly picturing her families faces wanting so badly to join them. 

"Please jus' step back, y/n. Yer' not alone. I'm here," He croaked the tears floating down his cheeks, "Don't jump." 

"I love you, Daryl." 

"I love ya too, okay? So step away from the window," He watched as she turned her head slightly catching his eyes. 

"I love you but I can't. Tell mom, RJ and Judy I love them as well." 

Suddenly she went to fall forward but Daryl reacted quicker. He gripped her waist pulling her into the room unwilling to release his grasp. "Yer' not leaving me," He told her as she cried into his shoulder, "Yer' cant leave me." Overhearing the chaos, Michonne entered her daughter's room to see the window wide open and the two of them crying. Daryl looked at her. The look telling her all she needed to know. Michonne began to cry herself and joined them on the ground. 

"Y/n?" A small voice called from the door frame. 

"Judith go back to bed, okay?" Michonne told her but Judith continued towards her sister. The girl said nothing as she wiped her sister's tears and held her hand.

It was 5 years later now. After her attempt, she left Alexandria with Daryl in search of her father. She didn't believe he was alive despite everything inside her wanting to. But Daryl did and after what happened they became a lot closer. He was happy she joined him. Even though the act of being out there was gruelling at times he was glad he could look after her. And if something would've happened to her while he was gone he could never have forgiven himself. Understandably Michonne was angry that y/n decided to leave. Y/n was her daughter and Michone her mother. They needed each other but she was willing to let Y/n leave to figure that out. It brought her peace looking for her father. 

The silence was her favourite and as Daryl wasn't much of a talker she got lots of it. They got a dog too, which Daryl cleverly named Dog. Everything was a messed up version of okay but it was still good. Being out there made her find her purpose. She went home a lot more than Daryl did, which pleased her siblings and mother. It was always for a few days never longer as she feared she'd stay forever and she couldn't. As much as Alexandria is good it also drives y/n to a dark place. One she was in that night. She lost so much there. And staring at those four walls drove her insane. It didn't help how Negan was imprisoned there. Just thinking how close he was made her skin crawl. She knew how Rick visited him when he was alive that he believed Carl was right about the killing. That it had to stop. Y/n knew he was right too but she could never bring herself to one admit or two face Negan. 

It felt like a story she read as a child when the Whisperers showed up. Like Negan, they scared her. So when she was told about his escape she only assumed the worst. The Whisperers took so many from them. Like Enid for example. Her story was cut short because of them. The two never really spoke but she understood how she and Carl felt for each other at a time. So ultimately it felt like she lost her final piece of Carl when she died. Y/n wished she had spoken to her when she could've. She wished she could've heard the untold stories they shared. She needed to know about Carl's final years with her. But now she's gone too along with those memories. 

The war with the Whisperers took everything from them. The Kingdom. Hilltop. Alexandria. Along with the lives they lost in the process. With the group separated she found herself protecting Judy and RJ. Michonne had gone. Where she had gone to, y/n had no idea. For a messed up reason, she began to prepare herself for her mother's death before it was even announced. That was until she got the call. She was okay and... apparently so was Rick. 

Disbelief was what hit her first. She couldn't hear his voice nor see his face so how could she know it was true. Michonne didn't know either she couldn't if he was really there, still alive. That night of the call she left. Without hesitation, she kissed RJ and Judith's heads, told them she loved them and told them to tell everyone else that and left. She left in the direction Michonne had told her. 

She left to find her father. And she knew she wouldn't return until she did. "I'm coming, dad."

[heyiwrotesomethings]

It’s Been Too Long

Shinobu Kochou x She/Her Reader

A/N: Alright Shinobu Community, take a fuckin’ sip babes. It’s kind of a long one. My brain was like, friends to enemies to friends to lovers? To which I replied, this is going to be simultaneously too long and too short. I love me some slow burn but also I can’t justify putting that much time into something like this lol. While writing this I learned that one becomes a Hashira by killing a demon moon OR killing at least fifty demons. I didn't know that before, but I was in too deep to fix things. Y’all are a Kinoe rank that probably should be a Hashira given how much slaying you’ve done, sorry! As far as warnings go, I think we’re good. Unless fighting and misunderstandings aren’t your thing. It’ll all be better in the end though!  Word Count: 15,088 

The estate was dark and bleak. It had rained for nearly a week straight, the patter of water against the solid structure of the tiled roof was a near constant companion to the blank static of despair that clouded everyone’s minds.

Kochou Kanae had died of lethal injuries bequeathed to her by a high ranking demon who had left her to bleed out as the sun made its appearance. Perhaps if it had risen even just a few minutes prior, she could have evaded such a cruel fate.

Shinobu had found her of course, the world is just that cruel, or perhaps kind in giving her sister that closure, to be able to see her one last time before she took her last gurgling breath.

It was appropriate, the rain. After the funeral it was a temporary reminder of the warmth that had been reaped from the estate, never to be felt again in this lifetime. Not that (Y/n), Kanao, Aoi, or the youngest residents of the estate needed a reminder. Shinobu certainly didn’t either.

“Shinobu, you didn’t come to dinner. Please try to eat something.” (Y/n) coaxed, sliding the door open. The only light came from a small lantern inside the swirling gloom of the room, highlighting Shinobu hunched over her desk with her head in her hands. “Shinobu?”

“It’s only been a week.” (Y/n) strained to hear the taut whisper of the girl who had grown to be her closest friend. The girl who had given her a second chance at life when she had nowhere else to go. It hurt to hear her sound so broken. “It feels like time is standing still and going too fast at the same time.”

(Y/n) set the light meal in front of Shinobu and leaned against the desk, the wood creaked slightly as she did so. “I know what you mean. I feel the same.”

It wasn’t the first time they’ve talked like this. To be survivors of such unthinkable atrocities, one could go crazy keeping it all locked inside. The guilt, fear, helplessness... sometimes the memories played on loop night after night, waking up to the screams in their minds making sick harmonies with their own.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.” Shinobu spoke tentatively after a moment of drizzling static tapping against the roof. She raised herself just enough to wrestle a paper out from under her arms and slid it to (Y/n). “Oyakata-sama has sent me a summons to meet with him and the Hashira. He intends for me to take,” Shinobu’s voice grew tighter and she could not bring herself to finish, instead a painful sounding intake of air was all that was audible.

(Y/n) took the paper, holding it close to her face as she squinted, the dull light of the lantern made the letter a bit difficult to read, but the message was clear.

“He wants you to take her place.” (Y/n) frowned, a pained gleam pricked at the corners of her eyes.

“It’s been too long, but yet, not long enough,” Shinobu’s fists tightened, “I know the world hasn’t stopped spinning, demons haven’t stopped killing, but why do they want to replace her so quickly? Why are they willing to toss her aside? I don’t...”

“Shinobu,”

Shinobu finally looked up at (Y/n), angry and mournful tears tracked down her face, “I’m not my sister, I’m not Hashira material. I can’t fill the hole she left, (Y/n)!”

(Y/n) abandoned her perch on the desk to crouch beside Shinobu, enveloping her in her arms. Shinobu tightly grasped her back, watery gasps and sharp inhales fell from her lips as she tried to gain control of her breathing once more.

“Oyakata-sama knows you aren’t Kanae. You’re strong in your own right, Shinobu. He wouldn’t breach the subject if he didn’t think you could succeed by your own merits.”

“I have to keep the estate in order, the infirmary, the girls... I can’t take all this responsibility—“

“You don’t have to,” (Y/n) cut her off, the words came a bit sharper than she meant them too, “you’re not alone Shinobu. We can all have our own parts to play. You don’t have to shoulder this all by yourself.”

“Thank you.” Shinobu’s voice cracked.

They had stayed up well into the night. They hardly talked, the two young girls sat huddled together, holding each other tightly. No matter how much they’ve been hurt, time continues moving forward. Just because a boat has been shredded against a reef, that doesn’t mean the waves will grant reprieve from their assault. No, one is expected to keep swimming or to swallow the salty brine and drown. The Butterfly Estate’s allotted time for grief had passed. Now they were being given the not so subtle command that it was time to get back to work.

***

“I wish you could come with me.” Shinobu said the next morning as she sat on the engawa to put on her shoes. “Even if they made you wait outside I would feel a bit better.”

“You’ll be okay, we’ll be thinking about you all day and waiting for you to come back home.” (Y/n) assured, resting her hand on Shinobu’s back. She was almost afraid to touch the haori Shinobu now adorned, as if her hand would pass right through the material.

(Y/n) was surprised when she saw Shinobu wearing it instead of her usual short white haori, though she supposed there was comfort in holding this piece of her sister close. Perhaps the butterfly patterned haori could comfort Shinobu where (Y/n) and the others could not.

(Y/n) must have been staring too long because Shinobu leaned away from her hand, catching it with her own before (Y/n) could withdraw it completely. Shinobu squeezed the hand a moment, (Y/n) swore her heart froze upon seeing the ghostly smile painted over Shinobu’s lips.

“You’re right. No point in fretting over it, is there?”

“...Right,” (Y/n) blinked, “yeah. You’re going to do great.” (Y/n) managed a smile in return but she could feel the corner of her lips tremble at the effort. She wasn’t sure why, but this smile Shinobu was sporting sent chills down her spine.

“I’ll be off then,” Shinobu stood, releasing (Y/n)’s hand as she stepped away from the engawa, “Do make sure to keep everything in order while I’m away.”

“Of course!” (Y/n) winced at her own volume and Shinobu exhaled a quiet chuckle before turning away to make her way down the path. (Y/n) watched until the haunting haori could no longer be seen between the wisteria trees.

***

It was rather late when Shinobu returned. (Y/n) had just helped the youngest girls of the estate get ready for bed and was heading to the kitchens to prepare some tea to help her sleep. She had jumped in her skin when she saw the back of the butterfly patterned haori in the dim lantern light. Shinobu turned at the sound and sent a small, tired smile (Y/n)’s way.

“I thought I’d catch you here before you turned in for the night.” Shinobu spoke. “You almost always take a cup of tea to bed. I hope you don’t mind having some of what I’ve already prepared.”

It wasn’t the first time Shinobu caught her going to the kitchen to make tea. Though usually it was much later in the dead of night when nightmares and grief kept sleep at bay. (Y/n) wasn’t sure what kind of leaves or brewing Shinobu did, but her tea always managed to knock (Y/n) out cold into deep, dreamless bliss. Something about the way Shinobu was speaking was rubbing (Y/n) the wrong way however. There was none of the familiar attitude. The bashful bitterness that came with the sweetness of the tea. (Y/n) decided to shake it off and returned Shinobu’s tired smile. It would take time for things to seem normal again.

“You know me too well. Thank you.” (Y/n) graciously took the cup, relishing in the cup’s warmth and the relaxing scent that wafted off of the steam. “How did today go?”

“It was... fine.” Shinobu’s smile faltered and she quickly disguised it by sipping her own tea. “I’m officially a Hashira. Insect Pillar Kochou Shinobu.”

“It has a nice ring to it.” (Y/n) put in after a moment’s consideration hidden behind the guise of her clearing her throat. She didn’t know if a ‘congratulations’ would be what Shinobu would want to hear give the circumstances that led up to her new title.

“And how was holding down the fort?” Shinobu asked. It seemed she wanted to shift the topic of conversation away from herself. Not that (Y/n) could blame her.

“Everything went smoothly. Well, Aoi did get a bit aggravated with Kanao about one of her coin decisions but we worked it out. Sumi, Kiyo and Naho are picking up the recovery training lessons quickly and are doing very well. The Kakushi have been taking great care of the infirmary. All patients were still stable last I checked in.” (Y/n) reported.

“Thank you for keeping up with all of that.”

“I have to pull my weight around here somehow.” (Y/n) replied, hiding a yawn behind one hand.

“It’s getting late. You should get to bed before the tea kicks in any further.” Shinobu said, putting her own cup down.

“Aren’t you getting tired too?”

“I made myself a different brew, actually. I’ve got more work to do.” Shinobu allowed herself a little sly smile at the tiny frown (Y/n) wore as she looked into her own empty cup as if it had betrayed her somehow.

“Well, don’t forget you need to sleep too. Don’t overwork yourself.”

“Goodnight, (Y/n).” Shinobu called over her shoulder. She was already walking out of the kitchen.

“I mean it Shinobu. Promise me you’ll sleep tonight.” (Y/n) gently demanded, slipping into the hall to fall in step beside Shinobu.

“I’ll promise to try. Is that acceptable?” Shinobu asked, a bit of familiar snark came through and it made (Y/n) relax a bit and nod.

“Alright. Goodnight, Shinobu.”

At the end of the hall they broke off in different directions. Shinobu to the lab and (Y/n) to her room.

***

(Y/n) went through most of her morning routine before going out of her way to find the newly appointed Hashira. She hadn’t seen her since they parted last night. (Y/n) groaned inwardly, already assuming she’d find the young scientist still balancing equations and mixing beakers.

(Y/n) adjusted her butterfly hairpin before knocking her knuckles against the door, waiting for a reply.

“Shinobu?” (Y/n) had called out after another knock led to no reply. (Y/n) frowned and slid the door open of her own volition, closing it behind her once she was inside. It didn’t take long for her to find the exhausted girl hunched over an array of papers, dead asleep.

“When I told you to go to sleep last night, I had your own bed in mind, not a desk.” (Y/n) sighed quietly.

(Y/n) startled at another knock at the door.

“Who is it?” She asked, keeping her voice soft as to not disturb Shinobu.

“It’s Hayato, miss.” The muffled voice called. Ah, one of the Kakushi. “Kochou-sama has guests to attend to.”

“Set them up in the garden with tea, please. Kochou-sama will meet them just as soon as she finishes these papers.” (Y/n) said. It would not do to have news of the young master of the estate sleeping so late in the morning, and at her desk no less.

The Kakushi dismissed himself to carry out his orders and (Y/n)’ shoulders relaxed as his footprints faded down the hall. (Y/n) didn’t want to wake Shinobu, but if her presence was required, then the meeting must be important.

“Hey, Shinobu,” (Y/n) called softly, gently shaking Shinobu’s shoulders, “you have guests that need to see you.”

Shinobu managed to curl further into herself, mumbling a few curses under her breath that (Y/n) couldn’t help but giggle at.

“Maybe you’d feel better if you had actually gone to bed instead of passing out like this.”

“Who is it, what do they need?” Shinobu grumped, sitting up to stretch her abused spine.

“I’m not sure. A Kakushi came by to tell you about them. I asked him to set them up in the garden with tea.”

“Thank you for taking care of that,” Shinobu rubbed her eyes and stood, her chair scratching against the floor, “I should get going then.”

“Let me fix your hair quick at least.” (Y/n) said, already freeing Shinobu of her own butterfly clip. “Hold still.”

“It’s a little hard when you keep tugging your fingers through my hair.” Shinobu winced.

“Sorry, just a second.” (Y/n) spoke around the butterfly wing that she held between her lips as her fingers worked to gather Shinobu’s hair. Once Shinobu’s hair was neatly clipped back into place, (Y/n) circled her and smoothed out the wrinkles in Shinobu’s clothes the best she could before finally backing away with a satisfied nod.

“Are you done yet?” Shinobu asked, a faint dusting of blush powdered her cheeks.

“Yeah, you still look tired, but at least you look a little more presentable.” (Y/n) said, opening the lab door and ushering Shinobu through it.

“Presentable.” Shinobu scoffed. “Come with me to the garden?”

“I don’t know if that would be appropriate. I’m not sure who is visiting.”

“Just make yourself busy in the blooms. You live here, you can go where you please.”

“Okay, I’ll come.”

The young girls made their way outside, it was warm and sunny, a bit humid as well after all the rain the week before. The sweet smell of the flowers invited deeper breaths to swallow up the scent into every bronchiole of their lungs.

(Y/n) broke off from Shinobu with a little wave, giving a respectful acknowledgment to the people waiting with their tea before busying herself with the flora. Checking on the quality of the plants as Kanae had taught her. The memories spent with the older girl who had taught her so much made (Y/n) shiver despite the warmth of the sun beating down.

(Y/n) would on occasion, discreetly observe the progression of the meeting. The smile Shinobu wore as she spoke to the visitors unnerved her. Even just the way Shinobu was holding herself now, prim and proper, (Y/n) wondered what they could possibly be talking about.

Then the familiar cawing of a crow circling over her head broke (Y/n) from her thoughts. She released her gentle grip over the flower she had stopped to smell and craned her neck to see her crow calling out to her. A mission, her heartbeat picked up in pace. She hadn’t been on one since a few days before Kanae’s death. How out of practice could she be?

“Pardon the noise,” (Y/n) bowed. The meeting had paused in their hushed conversation to observe the bird as well. (Y/n) hardly gave Shinobu a glance as she past. Her fingers trembling slightly as she made her way back inside to retrieve her nichirin blade from her room. (Y/n)’s mind buzzed and her crow’s caws sounded muted and muffled, far away. She kept walking, willing her breaths to remain controlled. Her concentration broke as a hand reached out from behind her and tugged her back.

(Y/n) turned to meet Shinobu’s eyes. Though more subdued, the concern she saw there was genuine.

“(Y/n), I kept telling you to stop. Are you listening to me?”

“I’m sorry, I guess I was just focusing on the mission ahead.”

Shinobu breathed deeply releasing the air in a shaky exhale before gripping (Y/n)’s face in one hand, surprising her.

“No you weren’t.” Shinobu’s grip was firm, “You need to concentrate on your surroundings. I was almost yelling at you just now. I need to know you are going to be able to keep your head about you out there.”

(Y/n) tried to nod her head but Shinobu’s hand kept her head in place.

“I need to hear you say it.” Shinobu said.

“I can keep my head. I will.” (Y/n) swallowed uncomfortably.

Shinobu searched (Y/n)’s face, slowly releasing her grip from (Y/n)‘s jaw and instead grabbed at the neck of (Y/n)’s uniform pulling her so close their noses bumped.

“You better,” She spoke softly.

“I will,” (Y/n) repeated.

Shinobu untensed, her fingers released (Y/n)’s uniform and she wrapped her arms around her in a tight hug that (Y/n) quickly reciprocated.

“Your meeting,” (Y/n) recalled after a moment.

“I asked to be excused. I’m the master of the estate, I can get away with escaping for for a few minutes.”

“I wouldn’t make a habit out of it if I were you.” (Y/n) attempted to joke.

“Only when it matters.” Shinobu nodded seriously, causing (Y/n)’s heart to leap.

(Y/n)’s crow cawed impatiently and the girls parted. (Y/n) left to retrieve her blade and Shinobu watched her back as she left, her hands clenched into tight fists beneath the sleeves of her sister’s haori.

***

Night after night, the missions kept coming. (Y/n) had begun to wonder if she’d ever get to go home again as days became weeks. Scattered letters between waves of demon slaying were the best she could manage to make sure everyone back home knew she was alright.

Another night, a new moon. A few more nights and it would be a full month since she’d last seen everyone. She was glad she took the time to say goodbye before she left. She never imagined she’d be asked to work for so long without reprieve.

Another well timed flower breathing technique beheads another demon and (Y/n) falls against the trunk of a tree breathing hard. She is uninjured but greatly fatigued. The thought to sit and rest hardly enters her mind before her crow commands her eastward to eliminate another threat before dawn.

Breath after breath, technique after technique, night after night (Y/n) fought until everything ached and beyond. When she saw the the sun peak out over the horizon it was almost enough to bring (Y/n) to tears, but she never faltered. She had to stay strong. This was the life she chose to pursue. To save people from the same fate that befallen so many people she had cared about.

It was during an exceptionally hot day when the sun was at its highest point that (Y/n) flinched awake at the shrill squawks she had grown to loathe.

“What?” She hissed between her teeth, her fingers knotting in the grass that had served as her bed for the day.

“Return home to the Butterfly Estate! Return home to recover and rest! Await further instruction!”

(Y/n) lifted herself to rest on her elbows to stare wide-eyed at the bird sitting in the tree branch overhead. For the first time in that very long month, she allowed the tears to finally fall.

***

(Y/n) felt nervous coming back after so long. She opted to return from the rear entrance in an attempt to not garner too much attention. She allowed herself a tentative smile as the gardens came into view. Her fingers skimmed across the colorful blooms as she walked, freezing up only when she saw Shinobu collecting herbs in the distance. Her foot snapped a twig, alerting Shinobu to glance behind her.

“Hi, stranger.” Shinobu simpered, getting to her feet. “Oh!”

(Y/n) forgot all her previous worries and jogged up to Shinobu, picking her up with the added strength that she had built up in her month long absence and twirled her around with abandon.

“(Y/n)?” Shinobu chuckled with surprise, bracing her arms around (Y/n)‘s shoulders as she was flung around.

“I missed you!” (Y/n) sniffled, finally putting the girl down but still holding her tightly.

“I missed you too.” Shinobu said, rubbing (Y/n)’s back. “What took so long getting back, hm?”

“Mission after mission after mission.” came (Y/n)’s bitter reply. “I actually cried when my crow told me I could come home... I don’t know why I told you that. That’s embarrassing.”

Shinobu laughed, pulling back from (Y/n) to get a good look at her. “My, (Y/n), I can tell your time away had made you stronger. Even if you are still a bit of a crybaby.”

“Hey!” (Y/n) pouted.

“(Y/n) is back!”

“Woah!”

(Y/n) was sent stumbling backward a few steps by three blurs of white. Naho, Sumi and Kiyo spoke a mile a minute filling in (Y/n) on all the goings on of the estate. Aoi and Kanao came by soon after and gave (Y/n) their own greetings, expressing their happiness over the slayer’s return in their own ways.

It was good to be home, it was. But after a few days, (Y/n) really got a chance to see how different Shinobu had become.

The tone of her voice carried like a soft breeze and a polite smile could always be seen on her lips. Aoi reminded (Y/n) more of the Shinobu she remembered than the current Shinobu before her. It unnerved her. The way Shinobu would tilt her head just so and giggle daintily into her hand... it was like staring at a ghost.

(Y/n) thought she could get over the change, but she simply couldn’t. Not when staring into those dark, purple eyes. Oh, how they swirled with anger and despair. If Shinobu couldn’t fully believe in the persona she had crafted for herself, then (Y/n) wouldn’t either. Late one night while helping Shinobu in the lab, (Y/n) finally decided to confront her.

“Why do you keep smiling like that?” (Y/n) frowned, worrying the page of the textbook before her between her fingers.

“Hm? I’m afraid I don’t quite know what you mean.” Shinobu replied casually, smile still firmly in place as she crushed some herbs under her pestle.

“You do too know what I mean,” (Y/n) eyebrows furrowed slightly in aggravation, “why do you keep smiling like you’re okay when you’re clearly not?”

“What have I said or done that makes you think I’m not okay? I’m perfectly fine, (Y/n),” she chuckled, “you worry for nothing.”

“That mask might have everyone else fooled... or maybe they’re just complacent, but I’m tired of pretending nothing is wrong. Talk to me, Shinobu.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Shinobu shook her head, “there is nothing to discuss. Perhaps I’ve kept you up too late.”

“You shouldn’t have to hide what you’re truly feeling,” (Y/n) persisted, “not from me at least. I thought we were friends.”

“We are.” Shinobu’s tone was nearly clipped as she crushed the herbs a bit more vigorously.

“Then stop acting so, so fake!” (Y/n) spat, wincing almost immediately as fast has the words came out. There was probably a better way she could have said that. Before she could apologize and try again, Shinobu put the pestle on the table with a harsh clink and stalked over to where (Y/n) was sitting. Fighting to keep her tone in check, she stared (Y/n) down with that plastic smile and spoke in a low, hushed tone that filled (Y/n)’s veins with ice.

“So I’m fake, is that right? People change, (Y/n). You were gone for a month, you can’t expect everyone to wait for you, to not change or grow in your absence.”

“People change, yes,” (Y/n) swallowed tightly at the proximity, “but whatever this is Shinobu, I really don’t think it’s healthy. I can tell you’re bottling something up. Kanae—”

“Leave.”

“...what?”

“Leave,” Shinobu closes the textbook in front of (Y/n) and although she does so with care, the sound is deafening in (Y/n)’s ears, “I don’t care where you go, just get out of my lab. I’ve had my fill of this mindless chatter.”

“Are you being serious right now?” (Y/n) clenched her fists and stood from her chair, the legs slid roughly against the wood below.

“Yes, I don’t have time for immature children right now I’m afraid.” Came Shinobu’s airy reply.

“Immature— stop acting like you know better than me, we’re both kids, we’re fourteen!“ (Y/n) seethes, “I’m worried about you! I care about you! Don’t you get it?”

“Your worry is unfounded. It’s late and you are being of no help to me like this so I’ll ask you once more, leave.”

(Y/n) felt heat pricking the corners of her eyes. “I feel like I don’t know who you are anymore.” She breathed. “But fine, I’ll leave if that’s what you want.”

“At this moment in time, I couldn’t ask for anything better.” Shinobu replied, turning her back to (Y/n) to continue what she had previously been working on.

Once (Y/n) shut the door with finality and her quick footsteps became softer as she ran down the hall, Shinobu exhaled harshly, gripping the pestle tightly in her hand as she mercilessly pounded the dried herbs into dust.

“Only immature people don’t control their emotions... only immature people...”

As Shinobu repeated her mantra, (Y/n) burst into her room and looked around her. With trembling hands she changed into a fresh uniform and packed a small bag of belongings and slinging it over her shoulder. She grabbed her haori and attached her nichirin blade to her hip.

She looked around the room once more and caught her reflection in the little hand mirror on her desk, catching the bright colors of a wing that secured her hair in place. She reached back, freeing her hair from the clip and stared at it. She ran her thumb over the decorative clip before setting it on the desk. She reached for a plain hair band and tied her hair back with that instead.

(Y/n) left her room, sparing one last hurt glance at the butterfly clip before exiting the estate grounds. Before long, her crow circled overhead and (Y/n) held her arm out for the bird to take perch. The crow cawed at her expectantly, questioning her.

“If she wants me to leave, then what else is there to do?” (Y/n) shuddered in the wind. She turned away from the estate, willing herself not to turn back.

“Where will you go?” The crow asked.

“...I don’t know.”

With every step leaving the warmth of the estate farther behind, (Y/n)’s heart grew heavier in her chest.

***

“Have any of you seen (Y/n) today?” Shinobu asked the girls once they had come back in after hanging the laundry out to dry.

A chorus of negatives and head shakes met her and she sighed inwardly. “Very well then. Thank you.”

Shinobu traveled through the maze of hallways that made up her home, easily finding herself in front of (Y/n)’s door, knocking politely. With no reply, Shinobu forced herself not to roll her eyes and opened the door.

“(Y/n), if this is about last night...” Shinobu blinked at the empty room. Futon made, clean floors, not a thing out of place, but no (Y/n).

“Perhaps she’s out training.” Shinobu said to herself. She was about to close the door and head off into the gardens when a glint from the desk caught her eye and she approached. A soft gasp left her lips as she picked up the hairpin. Cradling it in her hands, Shinobu forced her breaths to remain controlled. (Y/n) had never gone a day without wearing the pin since the Kochou sisters gifted it to her.

In the safety of the empty room, Shinobu allowed herself to slump over the desk. She held the discarded hairpin close to her chest, immediately understanding what this small symbol meant. Yes, she knew what it meant, she just wished to know why. She fought against the waves, against the feeling that she was drowning again.

***

Four years was a long time, and if you asked (Y/n), the demon slayer would say that was especially true with her line of work. The demons were never the same, but the routine in between was lonely and dull. Kill a demon, settle down at an inn or in the trees for the day, move to the next village and repeat. Sometimes the stays were longer, but that was the gist of it.

(Y/n) kept to herself most of the time. There wasn’t really a point in making anything more than loose acquaintances with the constant traveling and dangers her work presented. Even on the few missions she had been paired up with other slayers in the area, she focused on the job at hand before quickly making her way to her next assignment. That started to change after she met Kamado Tanjirou and his demon sister Nezuko.

They did not get off on the right foot to say the least.

(Y/n) had been sent to the same location as the young slayer for a mission and knew something was off about him right away. Something off with that box he carried around anyway. (Y/n) opted to let him be for the time being, focusing on the mission ahead. Skip forward to the heat of battle, and (Y/n) could hardly believe her eyes when a demon burst from the boy’s box to attack another demon that had snuck around Tanjirou’s back.

(Y/n) had no time to watch and focus on this new development at the moment, she had her own demons to take care of. Her flower breathing techniques weaved through her enemies and heads went flying. Before long, the mission was completed and (Y/n) turned to the boy breathing heavily in the dirt with the demon from the box hovering over him looking at (Y/n) with curious eyes.

“You’re really skilled, (Y/n)-san!” Tanjirou praised, somehow unaware of the danger his sister was in, “You don’t even look like you’re out of breath.”

“I’ve been doing this for years. I know a lot. For instance,” (Y/n) spoke, her face stern as stone as she readied her blade, startling Tanjirou, “every demon must be destroyed.” She went in with a quick slash aimed at the demon’s neck  only to pause at the last second when the foolish younger boy leapt to his feet to shield the demon from the blow.

“What are you doing?” (Y/n) asked sternly.

“Wait, she’s my sister! She’s a good demon!”

“I shouldn’t have to tell you that what you are doing is against corps rules. I can sympathize with wanting to hold onto your loved ones, but there is no such thing as a good demon. Step aside.”

“No, Nezuko has never eaten a human and she never will!” Tanjirou held his ground while his sister growled at (Y/n) from behind him.

(Y/n) rolled her eyes. “Alright then,” she said with a sarcastic sweetness, “prove it.”

“What?” Tanjirou blinked.

“Prove it, take off the muzzle. Let’s see if she has as much control as you claim she does.”

“But—“

“It shouldn’t be a problem, right? If she’s as docile as you claim what’s the issue?”

Tanjirou grit his teeth and gently pulled the muzzle to rest around his sister’s neck. (Y/n) stepped forward, her face inches away from the demon. She wasn’t worried, if the demon lunged for her she was confident she could slice its head the moment the air changed.

“Well demon?” (Y/n) sighed, surprising Tanjirou by slicing the pad of her thumb on her sharp blade, “hungry?”

To Nezuko’s credit, she hardly flinched. However, her eyes followed the path of the blood and a small trickle of drool slid past her lips. (Y/n) taunted her a bit further, waving the bloodied hand in front of her nose, still Nezuko held strong and even went as far as turning away.

“...I must say, I’m rather impressed,” (Y/n) finally spoke, stepping back from the demon and licking at her own wound, “marechi blood such as my own usually makes the demons go crazy,” she turns back to Tanjirou, “still, you must know that keeping a demon alive like this, especially as a slayer, is dangerous for both of you.”

“I know,” Tanjirou bowed his head.

“Well,” (Y/n) stretched and sighed, “as long as you know I guess it’s your own problem.”

“Huh?”

“Yeah, just don’t call me out if a Hashira finds you out. I don’t feel like dying a disgrace.” (Y/n) waved him off. “You’re going to have to work even harder and be more discreet. That’s my advice to you.” And (Y/n) was going to leave it at that and walk away, but then her crow chanted in tandem with Tanjirou’s, calling them to continue forward together. (Y/n)′s eye twiched at the grating sounds.

“It looks like we’ll still be working together for some time, (Y/n)-san!” Tanjirou smiled, catching the older girl off guard by the sincerity behind it. You’d think he’d be more put off considering (Y/n) was planning to kill his sister not five minutes ago.

“I suppose we are.”

“Say, (Y/n)-san, you’re strong. You can help me get stronger too, right?”

“Mm!”

“Hey, get her off of me!” (Y/n) momentarily panicked as the demon wrapped her arms around her waist.

“Nezuko, manners!”

(Y/n) wasn’t sure what she had done to get saddled with the strange siblings, but she could tell her job just went above her pay grade.

***

As it turns out, the Kamado siblings weren’t so bad. In fact, (Y/n) was starting to get really attached to the two. It was when Inosuke and Zenitsu were pulled into their little group, that was when (Y/n) realized she didn’t know what true pain was.

“(Y/n)-san, marry me!”

“Flower Girl, fight me!”

All damn day and night.

(Y/n) thought she’d finally have reprieve once Tanjirou had healed up at the Wisteria House, but of course the two boisterous boys were being sent with them to their next mission, Natagumo Mountain.

Zenitsu cowered at the forest edge and (Y/n) felt no remorse in leaving him behind as she sprinted ahead of Inosuke and Tanjirou, freeing the puppeted Mizunoto slayers.

Eventually they had been split off from each other to fight their own battles. (Y/n) was tired but otherwise unharmed, surprised when a small Nezuko came barreling into her.

“Nezu—?” (Y/n) gasped as the air shifted above her and she dodged the quick swipe aimed at the tiny body that clung to her. She quickly pivoted, blade in hand, and crossed swords with the assailant her eyes blowing wide at the placid face in front of her.

“Kanao?!” (Y/n) yelled out, the nostalgia and adrenaline coursing through her body was an odd, slightly terrifying combination.

Kanao tilted her head, her lips parted ever so slightly as recognition gleamed in her eyes. Despite this, Kanao did have a mission to complete and (Y/n) was keeping her from completing her orders. She continued swiping at the older girl she used to know, trying to behead the demon she could not fathom why she was protecting.

(Y/n) parried and blocked best she could, taking a defensive approach while she tried to talk Kanao down. She didn’t want to hurt Kanao, but she didn’t want Nezuko to be killed either.

Finally a saving grace, a crow swooping by with a message that saved Nezuko’s neck. (Y/n) sighed in relief as Kanao pulled back. Still looking at (Y/n) she pointed to the small demon that had wrapped herself tightly over (Y/n)’s back.

“Is this Nezuko?” She asked looking for a positive ID on the demon in question.

“Yes.” (Y/n) easily replied.

“Come with me then.” Kanao said, already corralling (Y/n) and her demon backpack in the direction of the forest edge.

(Y/n) walked alongside her a bit begrudgingly. If she made a break for it, she could have probably gotten away, but it was very likely Tanjirou and the others were already in custody. The best chance they had now was to do as they were told and hope Nezuko’s resolve would stand firm.

So (Y/n) hid Nezuko in her haori as the sun began to peak over the hills and followed Kanao to the clearing of bustling Kakushi. On the way, she began preparing her story for the trial she was sure her little team was bound to endure.

She was immediately broken from her thoughts at the ethereal sight of the Insect Pillar emerging from another point of the woods with the Water Pillar and a badly beaten Tanjirou on his back.

(Y/n)’s breath caught in her throat as those deep, dark eyes found hers at it was like time was at a stand still. At least it would have been if not for Shinobu steadily making her way towards her, her expression painfully impassive beyond the small upturn of her lips. Shinobu kept coming until she was directly in front of (Y/n).

Nezuko stirred in her sleep, clutching at (Y/n)’s back as if she could sense anxiety in the slayer’s heart. The demon was the only thing grounding her at this point as Shinobu tilted her head, an almost sinister look in her eye as she observed the small demon bundle protected by (Y/n)’s haori. All too soon, her cold eyes found their way back to (Y/n)’s and she spoke.

“I’m not going to have to tie you up, am I?”

(Y/n) closed her eyes briefly and tried to take a calming breath. With a short, almost imperceivable shake of her head, she hoarsely replied.

“No.”

“Let’s try to keep it that way then.”

Shinobu and Kanao had let (Y/n) help Nezuko into her box, but then they immediately separated the two, having a Kakushi carry the box with a wary look in her eyes. (Y/n) did her best not to look behind her where Kanao and Shinobu walked, no doubt watching her for any sign of flight.

She gulped, eyes nervously shifting to the Water Pillar walking beside her, and the Kakushi who was now carrying Tanjirou in his stead. The Water Pillar spared her an emotionless glance as he forged ahead.

“Is he going to be alright?” She asked in a hushed tone.

Enough time had passed after her question that (Y/n) had figured the man wasn’t in the mood to talk, understandably so, but (Y/n) was worried about the state Tanjirou was in. She nearly jumped out of her skin when he actually answered her minutes later.

“That will all depend on how the trial goes.”

(Y/n) felt dread pool in her stomach as they continued to march down the mountain.

***

The garden of the Master’s estate would have been lovely on any other occasion, but (Y/n) could only bring herself to stare at the pebbles below her knees and Tanjirou passed out at her side. They had taken Nezuko somewhere else in the meantime, she could only hope they would let the demon be, let her prove herself in front of them instead of killing her on principle.

(Y/n) could feel that Shinobu was standing just behind her but she dared not engage. Four years of silence between the two and a trial for treason in the highest regard had brought them together again. (Y/n) wanted to scream.

Finally Tanjirou began to stir and (Y/n) allowed herself to push away her turmoil to rouse the younger boy gently. The last thing they needed was for him to be all up in arms before the trial even officially began.

“(Y/n)-san,” Tanjirou winced, “where are we? Where is Nezuko?”

“We’re at the Demon Slayer Headquarters,” (Y/n) replied, her voice was hardly above a whisper as she felt the pressure of all the Hashira’s eyes boring into them, “I don’t know where they’re keeping Nezuko, but right now you need to focus on the trial ahead.”

“The trial?”

“For harboring a demon, Tanjirou.”

“I wouldn’t bother trying to justify it! A crime as heinous as yours only ends one way!” Rengoku Kyojirou loudly proclaimed, rallying a range of replies from his fellow pillars.

“Now that he’s finally awake to witness his punishment, let’s behead these traitors and the demon and get on with our lives.” Uzui Tengen added.

“Please,” (Y/n) forced her voice not to waiver, “allow him to explain the situation at least—“

“You’re in no position to be asking for favors, girl.” Obanai Iguro cut her off, glaring down at her from where he lounged on a tree branch. “You had best hold your tongue. A slayer at your rank should be ashamed. I’m surprised you haven’t already sliced yourself open for the embarrassment you’ve brought to the corps.”

“Iguro-san!” Kanroji gasped at the harsh words.

“Who are these people, (Y/n)-san?” Tanjirou groaned, noticing for the first time that his hands were tied tightly behind his back.

“Tanjirou, are you serious?” (Y/n)’s tone was hushed and urgent, “they’re the Hashira! You know, best of the demon slayers?”

“I don’t know, umph!” (Y/n) hastily covered his mouth, a nervous sweat gathered at her brow.

“Just try to be respectful, will you? You already broke the thin ice you’ve been traveling on, let’s try not to drown as well!”

“This isn’t right, (Y/n)-san! Where is Nezuko? Zenitsu? Inosuke? Murata?” Tanjirou spoke out, his voice heavy with emotion as he fought his way up to his knees.

“What I want to know is why we haven’t tied Tomioka or the Kinoe ranked slayer.” Obanai sneered from his tree, ignoring Tanjirou’s desperate tone. “They are both part of the boy’s schemes and should be punished as such. How are we going to teach them a lesson?”

“Oh they’ll be fine,” (Y/n) shivered hearing Shinobu speak above her from where she knelt in the pebbles, “we’ll come up with a penalty later.”

(Y/n) froze, her eyes refused to look up beyond the feet that stood before Tanjirou and herself.

“What I’m interested right now, is hearing this boy’s story.” Shinobu said. “He’s been traveling with a demon all this time, and I wish to hear why. It must be quite the tale to have Tomioka-san break ranks,” the feet take a step closer and Shinobu’s voice dropped in volume, “and you as well, (Y/n).”

(Y/n) tightened her grip over her pant leg, still refusing to look up. She could imagine an array of expressions her old friend could be wearing right now that could cut her deeper than any blade. Pity, anger, disgust, smugness, apathy, that blank smile... no, (Y/n) couldn’t bear to look up.

“So why, Kamado Tanjirou?” Shinobu asked.

“Who cares?” Uzui scoffed from a few yards away, yet he waited for the boy to explain himself.

“She’s my—“ he broke into a fit of coughs and (Y/n) tried to soothe his back, telling him to breathe.

Shinobu stooped down, a gourd of water in hand, offering the water to Tanjirou and finally catching (Y/n)’s eyes as the boy drank the medicated water. When Shinobu’s eyes returned to Tanjirou, (Y/n) remembered how to breathe.

“She’s my little sister!” Tanjirou proclaimed. “She’s never hurt anyone and she never will!”

A few of the Hashira began casting their doubt, but Tanjirou powered through.

“I became a slayer to find a cure for her! In two whole years since she became a demon, she’s never eaten a single person! Let her continue to fight by my side!”

“Well, well, looks like the fun’s already starting.”

(Y/n) turned her head and her breathing hitched. Of course the Wind Pillar of all people would get his hands on Nezuko’s box.

“Is this the boy who has been traveling with a demon? Just what the hell do you think you’re doing?” Shinazugawa asked with a sinister grin.

“Please put down the box Shinazugawa-sama!” The Kakushi (Y/n) recalled to have prior possession of the box pleaded.

“Shinazugawa, please do not act out of line.” Shinobu warned.

“Nah, run that by me again, kid?” Sanemi jeered, holding the box precariously in one hand, “fighting alongside a demon? Impossible, you idiot!”

Tanjirou and (Y/n) called out in horror as the Hashira rammed his blade clean through the box, skewering Nezuko.

Tanjirou scrambled to his feet and lunged at Sanemi, (Y/n) was about to get to her feet as well, but Shinobu held her firmly in place, clutching (Y/n)’s arm tightly while shooting her a warning glance.

(Y/n) could only watch, mouth agape, as Tanjirou head butted Shinazugawa to the ground.

Mitsuri attempted to stifle a snort, covering her face in her hands.

“If you can’t tell the difference between good demons and bad ones, then you don’t deserve to be a Hashira!” Tanjirou yelled.

“We’re doomed.” (Y/n) whispered weakly. She felt as if all her blood was sinking to her knees, sinking as fast as their chance of forgiveness down the drain.

Before Sanemi could retaliate, a couple of Oyakata-sama’s children announced the Master’s arrival. (Y/n) was quick to follow Shinobu in a bow, wincing when she heard what could only be Sanemi pounding Tanjirou into the rocks, forcing him to bow.

“Hello everyone,” Oyakata-sama addressed the garden, his voice carried in the warm breeze, “how good it feels to have you all here.”

Sanemi greeted the Master, formally asking for an explanation. If not for the seriousness of the moment, (Y/n) would have rolled her eyes.

“The Kamado siblings have been sanctioned, you see. I request you all respect that.” Oyakata stated simply.

An array of mostly negative objections arose at this ending with Sanemi calling for punishments for Tanjirou, (Y/n), and Giyuu.

The Master stood silently for a moment before asking one of his children to read a letter aloud. A letter from a previous Hashira, detailing Nezuko’s history. The letter also revealing that should Nezuko fail; Urokodaki, Tanjirou, and Giyuu would atone through seppuku.

A few of the Hashira were still willing to speak against such a plan, swearing that it was not a risk worth taking. Once there was a lull in their heated remarks,  Ubuyashiki saw fit to address (Y/n).

“(Y/n), my child.”

(Y/n)’s head jutted up at the sudden call of attention to her presence. “Ye— yes, Master?”

“Why do you think that of the squad that has been built around you, only you are here?” Oyakata-sama asked with an warm smile.

“I would suppose it would be because I should know better than a ragtag group of Mizunoto, Master.” came (Y/n)’s subdued reply.

“I would hope so.” The Master chuckled, causing heat to bloom across (Y/n)’s cheeks. “Why didn’t you kill the demon?”

“I was going to, but she proved herself to me,” (Y/n) began speaking more evenly as she recalled the moment, “I presented her with my blood, my rare blood, and she turned away. I have traveled with the Kamado siblings for weeks and not once had Nezuko hurt anyone. She protects people, she sleeps to replenish energy. Based on everything I have observed, I believe in Nezuko. I believe in Tanjirou.”

“Would you stake your life on this along with the others listed here today?” Oyakata-sama asked.

(Y/n) breathed in, firmly nodding her head. Her eyes meeting Ubuyashiki’s milky blank one’s despite his lack of vision.

“Yes, I would.”

Shinobu’s hold on (Y/n)’s bicep curled. (Y/n) hadn’t realized she had still been holding her down.

“And here we have three, now four, people willing to take responsibility for this demon. What say you, my children?” The Master asked the Hashira warmly.

“Forgive me Master, but this is not a matter of numbers!” Sanemi yelled, “Demons are sick creatures that need to be put down and I’ll prove it to you now!”

Sanemi sliced his arm, much more blood than (Y/n) had conjured with the small cut to her thumb that she had presented to Nezuko. She and Tanjirou watched as the blood dripped to the box, staining the lacquered wood.

“No good doing this in the light.” Obanai said, “it won’t come out unless it’s dark.”

Sanemi dashed to the shaded engawa, enticing Nezuko to come out with another stab at the box.

“No!” Tanjirou yelled, he made to scramble to the engawa, but was quickly subdued by Obanai.

“Stop!” (Y/n) echoed Tanjirou’s sentiments, pulling against Shinobu’s hold. “Why are you being so needlessly cruel?”

Sanemi ignored them, a wicked grin on his face as he watched Nezuko emerge from the box, growling lowly.

“Well then, demon?” He sneered, holding out his arm.

(Y/n) could tell Nezuko was straining against the pull of the marechi blood. With all of the injuries she had sustained working against her as well, it couldn’t be easy for the demon to hold back.

“Nezuko!” Tanjirou wheezed as Obanai was pincering his lung painfully with his elbow.

“Kamado-kun,” Shinobu addressed, “don’t struggle too much while in that hold, your lung might burst.”

Tanjirou only struggled harder, surprising everyone when he broke through his rope restraints and stumbled towards the engawa. Tomioka stopped Obanai from pinning him again.

“Nezuko!” Tanjirou called again.

His voice seemed to finally break through to Nezuko and after a few tense moments, she turned away from Sanemi in disgust.

(Y/n) couldn’t help the relieved smile that overtook her lips.

Once the scene was relayed to the Master, he seemed pleased with the report. He told Tanjirou that although Nezuko had done well to prove herself, they would need to grow even stronger before they could be fully accepted by the others. With that wisdom, he said they were free to go.

(Y/n) startled as Shinobu finally let her go, raising her arm to speak. “If all is well then Oyakata-sama, allow me to provide lodging for them.”

Both (Y/n) and Tanjirou seemed a bit wary of this sudden hospitality, (Y/n) even more so, but if Shinobu noticed or cared she didn’t show it, signaling the Kakushi who had been standing by to gather the injured boy and the demon.

The Kakushi tasked with carrying Nezuko seemed a bit frightened of the little demon kneeling in her box, so naturally (Y/n) rose to carry her instead.

“I’ve got her.” She smiled kindly and reached for the box and secured it shut, but not before giving the demon girl a few well earned head pats that rose Nezuko’s mood greatly.

Another Kakushi picked up Tanjirou then (Y/n) and the two Kakushi quickly made their retreat. That is, until Tanjirou bursted back into the garden asking to headbutt Sanemi.

“Please excuse us!” (Y/n) and the two Kakushi bowed deeply once they got him back under control and sped off twice as fast. (Y/n) and the Kakushi running beside her berated Tanjirou from where he sat on the other Kakushi’s back for such a disrespectful display after being allowed the impossible. 

When they reached the Butterfly Estate, (Y/n)’s heart squeezed in her chest. The grounds looked to be near the same as the night she had left. No one was there to greet them at the door, so they went around the gardens and found Kanao standing amongst the butterflies.

“Hi, Kanao.” (Y/n) greeted the younger girl bashfully. Now that they weren’t battling over keeping Nezuko’s head, (Y/n) finally took in how much she had grown in four years.

Kanao stayed silent, a serene smile on her lips as she merely observed the group that had approached her.

“What are you all here for?” A sharp voice called from behind them, causing the Kakushi to jump and spin to quickly explain they were here to put Tanjirou in the infirmary.

“Well then come with me...” Aoi’s words trailed off a bit once her eyes found (Y/n)’s face.

“Hi Aoi,” (Y/n) gave a nervous half wave, “you’ve gotten a bit taller.”

Aoi marched straight up to (Y/n) and berated her with a barrage of small fists pounding painlessly against her chest. “What would you expect after being gone so long!” She sniffed, “Four years without a single letter or visit? We thought you were dead, idiot!”

“(Y/n)-san? Do you know these people?” Tanjirou asked from Gotou’s back.

“Yeah, I uh, sorta used to live here.” (Y/n) replied, allowing Aoi to continue hitting her to her heart’s content.

“‘Sorta used to live here’, you’re family! You have always had a place here! Now come on, I’m sure Kiyo, Sumi, and Naho will have a bone to pick with you as well. And Shinobu-sama!” Aoi’s fist struck especially hard at the thought, “Shinobu-sama is going to have some choice words for you when she gets back I just know it!”

Aoi led them all inside, occasionally throwing a few more jabs into (Y/n)’s side to make sure she was really there. She didn’t admit that was what they were for of course, she played it off more as a punishment for disappearing for so long.

There was screaming coming from the infirmary and (Y/n) would have been worried if she hadn’t recognized the sound almost immediately.

“Zenitsu!” Tanjirou called excitedly.

While Tanjirou and poor Gotou were dealing with the sobbing, snotty boy, Aoi had dragged (Y/n) over to Kiyo who had been tending to Zenitsu only moments before.

“Look who finally decided to come home.” Aoi told the younger girl who looked up, tilting her head. (Y/n) almost thought Kiyo hadn’t recognized her. Being as young as she was, she wouldn’t have blamed her, but then she burst forward and hugged (Y/n) tightly around her waist.

“What’s going on in here? Hm, Aoi-san, Kiyo?”

Naho and Sumi had made their way into the infirmary with a basket of fresh linens and paused at the entryway for a moment before they realized who their friend was hugging and ran over to join her with tears in their eyes.

“(Y/n)-san, where have you been all this time?” Naho whimpered.

“Why didn’t you say anything before you left?” Sumi cried.

“I’m sorry,” (Y/n) knelt down to better hug them all, “I know it’s not enough to make up for anything, but I’m sorry for leaving like that. It wasn’t fair,” she looked up to meet Aoi’s stern blue eyes, “to any of you.”

“Well, make it up to us by sticking around from now on.” Aoi said, crossing her arms. “No more running away.”

“But...” (Y/n) was conflicted. Had Shinobu not told the girls why she had left? (Y/n) mustered up the best smile she could and nodded feebly. “All right.”

“(Y/n)-san, your box is... humming?” Sumi pointed at the wooden box.

“Oh, um, you see... in this box is my friend, Nezuko,” (Y/n) treaded carefully, not wishing to startle the girls too badly if she could help it.

“You have someone in a box?” Aoi barked, “well let them out for goodness sake!”

“It’s a little bright in here...” (Y/n) shifted her vision to where Tanjirou and Zenitsu were talking, catching sight of Inosuke as well. Poor boar boy looked like he’d seen better days. “And I’m not sure that Shinobu-” should she still speak of her so informally? “-would be pleased if I let her out without her blessing.”

“Why wouldn’t Shinobu-sama allow you to let someone out of a box?” Aoi rolled her eyes.

“It’s complicated. I’m sure she’ll want to talk to you all about it once she comes back. Until then, Nezuko will be fine in here.”

The girls, though incredulous, let the subject drop for now. Although, they couldn’t help but eye the box with suspicion. Once Tanjirou was settled in the infirmary, the butterfly girls dragged (Y/n) away to talk about the goings on of the last four years which soon devolved into hounding (Y/n) for her own stories to share, even Kanao had come by to sit and listen.

“...And that’s how I helped the fishing village take care of the demon that was lurking in the sea.”

“Tell us another one, (Y/n)-san!” The youngest girls pleaded, kicking their feet in the air behind them. They had migrated to lay flat on their stomachs as the stories progressed and watched (Y/n) recount her adventures with their heads propped up on their arms with rapt attention.

“I’m afraid that will have to wait for another time, it’s quite late you know.”

Everyone turned to the door to find Shinobu staring down at them. The youngest girls pouted a bit, trying to get a bit more time to stick around, but Shinobu held firm and directed them to their rooms.

“You’ll still be here tomorrow, right? (Y/n)-san?” Sumi asked from the doorway.

“I...” (Y/n) pulled at the sleeve of her uniform and subtly pursed her lips while trying to figure out how to proceed, to her surprise, Shinobu spoke up on her behalf.

“I promise you’ll see her in the morning. Now of to bed. (Y/n) and I have much to discuss.”

The thought of having a prolonged conversation with Shinobu sent shivers through (Y/n)’s spine. Once all the girls were well out of sight, Shinobu redirected her attention to (Y/n).

“Let’s drop off your cargo first,” Shinobu said, motioning to the box sitting beside (Y/n), “I’ve arranged a room and Kamado-kun has been wondering where his... sister, has been.”

“Of course.” (Y/n) stood, shouldering the box.

Apparently the room was rather far. (Y/n) felt as if the silence between them was slowly eating at her until she finally decided to speak. For better or for worse.

“You’ve taken all of this extraordinarily well,” (Y/n) commented, testing the waters.

“Mm, I’d like to hold off on any conversation until we drop off the demon. Use this time to gather any thoughts, if you have them that is.”

(Y/n)’s brow furrowed slightly, eyes narrowed. She was sure that was some kind of dig at her intelligence, but she held her tongue.

They dropped off Nezuko, (Y/n) and Tanjirou bid each other good night, and then (Y/n) was led to an all too familiar space, the lab.

Shinobu motioned for (Y/n) to sit at one of the less cluttered tables while she closed the door firmly behind them. (Y/n) would have been lying if she said she wasn’t even just a tad bit concerned by the setting of this ‘talk’ that was about to unfold. Finally, Shinobu took the stool across from her on the other side of the table. She laced her fingers together, using them to prop up her chin as her endlessly amethyst eyes bore into (Y/n)’s. That ghostly smile seemingly perfected after four years of separation, had (Y/n)’s hands clench into fists under the table.

“So,” Shinobu began, her voice deceptively sweet, “when exactly do you think it was when you completely lost your mind?”

“Excuse me?” (Y/n)’s eye twitched.

“Defending a demon, offering up your own life for a demon to live... how insanely idiotic. I thought you were smarter than that. I suppose it had been.. four years, was it? Four years since you ran off. And I thought that was the most careless thing you could ever do. You really have outdone yourself!”

“Stop,” (Y/n) had heard enough of these little jabs and she new well enough Shinobu could go all day as long as she hadn’t changed too drastically in their time apart. However, Shinobu powered through.

“Everyone was devastated when you left you know. We were a family and you just up and left in the middle of the night without a word so soon after—“ After Kanae, “Now you’re putting everything on the line for some demon? You’re a coward. A selfish coward.”

(Y/n) was really angry now. She stood up so fast her stool clattered to the ground behind her. She slammed her hands against the table and stared furiously into Shinobu’s placid expression, though she could detect a hint of a heated spark in those deep purple eyes.

“Don’t act like you’re so innocent in all of this! You told me to leave! You want to judge me for trusting Nezuko with my life, fine! But I only did what you commanded of me when I left. You don’t get to say I just fucked off because you think I didn’t care enough!”

Shinobu had the nerve to chuckle, though no trace of humor was there, as she slowly rose to her own feet and assumed a similar stance over the table as (Y/n).

“Did you really think when I said that, when I told you to leave the lab, I meant I wanted you to walk out of my life?” Shinobu asked seriously.

“I didn’t know what you wanted! You weren’t the same person anymore! Don’t try telling me that it wasn’t what you wanted either, you never came looking for me. You never sent your crow. Tell me you weren’t ecstatic when you woke up that morning and didn’t have to deal with me anymore!”

Shinobu slapped her own hand against the table, a vein pulsed painfully under the skin of her forehead. She opened her mouth to retort, poisoned words ready to lash out with a flick of her tongue, but as luck would have it, a Kakushi nervously called from the other side of the door.

“Kochou-sama, the treatments for the, uh, despiderfication of the slayers from Natagumo Mountain are ready to be carried out with your supervision.”

Shinobu closed her eyes, breathing in deeply before opening them again and looking significantly more drained.

“I see. Please inform the others that I’ll be there in a few moments.”

“Right away, Kochou-sama.”

As the footsteps pattered away, (Y/n) fixed her stool upright before heading in the direction of the door, assuming she and Shinobu were done talking, or screaming rather. (Y/n) was surprised to feel Shinobu grasp her hand as she tried to pass by.

“You remember where your room is, right?” Shinobu asked, the undertones of her voice still taut with anger.

(Y/n) too tired to fight on, responded simply with a mute nod.

“I had the Kakushi clean it earlier today. Everything should still be as you left it.”

Shinobu let go of (Y/n)’s hand and it immediately felt cold. The Hashira opened the lab door and stepped out into the hallway, her back to (Y/n) as she made her last parting statement.

“If you know what is good for you, you won’t step a foot outside of estate grounds without speaking to me first.”

“And if I don’t?” (Y/n) asked just to be obstinate.

“Then I guess I’ll have to hunt you down for sport.” Shinobu quickly replied, turning to face (Y/n) just to show her how serious she was.

(Y/n) couldn’t help the weak guffaw that left her lips. To hear such a threat delivered by such a soothing tone was practically oxymoronic.

Shinobu lingered for a moment longer before gliding off to see to her patients while (Y/n) turned down the opposite end of the hallway and traveled down a few more to find herself standing outside of her old room. She opened the door, the space was clean as Shinobu promised. She closed the door softly behind her, blocking off the light from the hall. There would be time to be sentimental in the morning. Right now, between the Mountain, the trial and the emotional battle with the Insect Hashira herself, (Y/n) was exhausted. She scooted her way into the freshly made futon and fell asleep with the nostalgic smell of wisteria petals drifting through her airways.

***

(Y/n) awoke around mid-morning to the sun shining through her window. She stretched and got dressed, her fingers pausing over the last few buttons of her uniform as she glanced over the desk.

The butterfly hair clip she had once worn with pride sat in front of her. It appeared to be left untouched by time. Not even a speck of dust adorned the colorful wings. She reached out to it, but her fingers curled just before she touched it. She pulled her hand back as a knock sounded on the door.

“Yes?”

“It’s Aoi.” A voice called from the other side.

(Y/n) quickly took the last few steps needed to reach the door and slid it open to greet Aoi but before she could, the stern girl stepped inside and pulled the door shut again.

“Were you and Shinobu-sama fighting last night?” She asked hurriedly.

“Where did you hear that?” (Y/n) answered the question with one of her own.

“The Kakushi are partial to gossip. Now what did you do!” Aoi huffed, jabbing (Y/n)’s shoulder.

“Why does it have to be me? Shinobu was the one who started it!” (Y/n) backed up, rubbing her shoulder.

“You two better make up soon. It will hurt Naho, Sumi and Kiyo if they find out you’re still mad at each other,” Aoi crossed her arms over her chest.

“It’s not that easy, Aoi. It’s been four years. It’s not all going to go away overnight.”

“Do I have to do everything around here?” Aoi grumbled to herself, passing a hand over her face. “I’ll help you, but you better try to be civil.”

“Aoi, I don’t need help. I’m sorry that fight got back to you. If Shinobu and I talk again, I promise I’ll try harder to keep my temper in check, okay?”

Aoi sighed and shook her head, “Fine. That wasn’t what I had come to talk to you about anyway.”

“Oh,” (Y/n) tilted her head, “then what is it?”

“Your friends,” Aoi pinched the bridge of her nose, “they’re driving me crazy. I need you to get the blonde and the boar to participate in recovery training.”

“I’ll see what I can do.” (Y/n) answered with slight reluctance. She knew just how difficult those two could be.

Aoi and (Y/n) arrived at the room that was being used for the boys’ recovery training. Tanjirou was already working hard, trying to catch Kanao in a game of tag, while Zenitsu and Inosuke watched from the corner with bitter disinterest.

“Hey,” (Y/n) addressed the younger teens, “what’s the problem? Don’t you guys want to get better? Stronger?”

“It’s pointless.” Inosuke weakly answered.

“(Y/n)-san, this training is too difficult!” Zenitsu cried.

(Y/n) dodged the weepy blonde’s attempts at hugging her and bonked him on the head with the side of her fist.

“I feel no sympathy for you. Aoi and the others are working really hard to get you back in fighting shape, the least you could do is put a little bit of effort in!” (Y/n) crossed her arms, “before you know it, Tanjirou will leave you both in the dust. Do you really want that?”

Zenitsu and Inosuke grunted, still refusing to budge. (Y/n) motioned for Naho to hand her a cup of medicated water and promptly splashed its contents all over the boys.

“What was that for?” Zenitsu screeched.

“Want revenge? Come take me on.” (Y/n) motioned to the table of cups.

Naho, Sumi and Kiyo made small sounds of excitement, trying to encourage the boys, but they just grumbled and walked back to the infirmary.

“You guys are going to regret walking away!” (Y/n) called after them. “Let me know when you are done moping and want to get back to work!”

“Oh my.” Shinobu giggled as she walked in, watching Zenitsu and Inosuke sulk past her.

Shinobu turned to observe the room, pausing at (Y/n). Her eyes flickered down at (Y/n)’s chest and stayed there long enough for the other slayer to notice.

“What?” (Y/n) had grumbled mostly to herself as she followed Shinobu’s gaze downward. Heat shot to her face immediately as she realized she had forgotten to finish buttoning her uniform after Aoi distracted her. It wasn’t showing a lot, just her collar bones and a bit of her chest, but it was still jarring. With a strangled chirp, she quickly buttoned her uniform the rest of the way.

“Oh please, no need to cover up on my account.” Shinobu easily teased, though she felt a bit embarrassed to have been caught staring. She wasn’t entirely sure why her vision gravitated there to begin with.

After a few false starts, (Y/n) finally choked out, “what do you want?”

“I need Kanao and Aoi to help me gather more herbs for spider demon antidotes, not that it’s any of your business.”

“Kochou-sama,” Aoi interjected before (Y/n) could retaliate, “Kanao and I are helping Tanjirou complete his recovery training for the day. I’ve asked (Y/n)-san to fill in for us and she has readily agreed to take our place.”

(Y/n) gave Aoi a look, prompting the younger girl to pinch at (Y/n)’s side discreetly. A message to keep her mouth shut. Kanao simply blinked, twisting on the ball of her foot to dodge another one of Tanjirou’s lunges.

“Very well then, keep up (Y/n). I hope you still remember a thing or two about plants in that thick skull of yours,” Shinobu glided past (Y/n) to step out onto the engawa, “though I wouldn’t be too surprised if all of that knowledge fell out of your head along with your common sense.”

(Y/n) opened her mouth before shutting it firmly closed. Remembering that the younger girls were there and what Aoi had asked of her, she pursed her lips and silently fell into step beside the Hashira, walking with her to the nearby forest where the herbs they needed flourished.

“You recall what Aralia Cordata looks like, correct?” Shinobu asked once they were well within the trees.

“Yeah, kind of hard to miss that shrub if you know what you’re looking for.” (Y/n) groused.

“Fine, fine. Don’t come crying to me if you touch something poisonous.”

“I won’t. Won’t touch anything poisonous I mean. Because I know what I’m doing.”

“Are you telling me that or are you just trying to reassure yourself?”

(Y/n) chose not to reply, instead she split off from Shinobu to one of the shrubs in question and began harvesting a few leafy tendrils from it. Before long, her basket was filled and she turned just in time to see Shinobu turn back to her own bush, pretending to examine one of the tendrils she had cut.

“You know,” (Y/n) sighed as she stood back to her full height, “Aoi only made me come here in her stead because that fight we had last night got back to her. She expects us to make up.”

“Mm, I figured it was something like that,” Shinobu hummed, “I do believe that for once, she is too optimistic in that regard.”

“Well, you never did like admitting when you were wrong,” (Y/n) shrugged, “or saying you’re sorry. It’s comforting to know you haven’t completely destroyed your old personality.”

“And what exactly have I been wrong about, (Y/n)?” Shinobu’s forehead pulsed, “what exactly have I done that requires an apology?”

“You lie to everyone Shinobu. You hide behind plastic smiles pretending to be someone you’re not to fill a void. Saying your fine and shrugging everyone off while holding them at arm's length. When I tried to talk to you, you pushed me away and told me to leave. You were dismissive, cold.”

(Y/n) wrapped her arms around herself as if a chilling wind overcame her. Continuing on, she spoke lowly before Shinobu could speak her denial.

“Not to say that I don’t have my own fault in all of this. Even if I thought you really wanted me gone that night, I should have fought harder for you. I knew you were hurting, but I gave up and left anyway. That is something I’ve thought about a lot in our time apart and I regret it every day because you were worth fighting for.”

(Y/n) blew out a harsh breath of air, running a hand over her scalp she made her closing statement.

“If there was one thing you were right about last night, it’s that I’m a coward and I’m sorry that I didn’t try harder.”

(Y/n) chanced a look at Shinobu’s face. The Hashira’s eyes rounded and her mouth was ever so slightly agape. The silence hung in the air until a sweet wisteria breeze swept through the trees and (Y/n) cleared her throat and looked away.

“So if we could at least pretend to get along for the sake of the girls, I think Aoi would appreciate it.” (Y/n) added before reaching down to collect her basket. A sudden noise, like air being rapidly released through one’s nose, came from behind (Y/n) and she paused in her movements to glance back at Shinobu who was looking down at the leaf she was worrying between her fingers.

“I... apologize, for pushing you away in such a way that made you think you had to exile yourself. It was also cruel of me to say you didn’t care about us when I knew that you thought of this place as your home. I was trying to hurt you back and that was wrong of me. I’m sorry.” Shinobu solemnly said.

Now it was (Y/n)’s turn to stare. Soon, Shinobu leveled a cocky smile and stood with her basket of leaves and a few other miscellaneous plants she gathered.

“Looks like you were wrong about my ability to apologize, hm?” She said.

“Shut up. Don’t ruin the moment.” (Y/n) smiled, reaching for her own basket.

The atmosphere surrounding the girls leaving the forest felt a lot more relaxed than it had upon entering.

***

Days turned into weeks and everything seemed so much better after. It was still awkward at times, but (Y/n) and Shinobu were finding their rhythm again. There was still a little hostility at times, but rather than avoid each other, they talked it out. It was almost frightening how in sync they were when they were working well together.

(Y/n) split her time between helping Shinobu with the slayers turned spiders and helping the younger girls train Tanjirou. She was elated by the boy’s progress as he finally managed to catch Kanao. She had noticed Zenitsu and Inosuke lurking nearby and gestured to the room. Now that they knew recovery training was possible and Tanjirou was leaving them in the dust, the rambunctious boys finally felt the need to catch up with their comrade’s progress.

Before long, the boys were well enough to continue the training on their own and (Y/n) found herself spending more and more time with Shinobu. They would spend hours talking or saying nothing at all, just enjoying each other’s company while they worked away on medicines and poisons.

It didn’t take long for (Y/n) to notice the difference. How Shinobu took up more than her fair share of space in (Y/n)’s thoughts. Even just catching sight of her across the garden was starting to make (Y/n)’s heart leap. On the occasion Shinobu would spot her she’d smile and wave, making (Y/n)’s heart stop all together before kicking into overdrive. The lingering touches and whispered words Shinobu would share with her as they worked in the lab certainly didn’t help either. Just when (Y/n) had thought they finally found their dynamic... Why was it changing again already?

(Y/n) was telling Naho, Sumi and Kiyo the story of how she met Tanjirou and Nezuko while she patted the demon’s head. Ever since Nezuko had woken up, the younger girls, though skittish at first, had grown to be fascinated and even enamored with her. As (Y/n) retold the tale, Nezuko humming happily at her side, Shinobu happened upon the group.

“I’m afraid we’ll have to cut this session short. Tanjirou and the others are ready to get back out on the road now. Something about joining Rengoku-san on his next mission.”

“How did I not here about this plan sooner?” (Y/n) frowned.

“That’s a question best suited for Tanjirou to answer I suppose.” Shinobu replied rather emotionlessly, concerning (Y/n).

So while everyone else was getting ready to leave, (Y/n) pulled Tanjirou aside and asked him what was going on.

“I didn’t tell you we were leaving because I hope you’ll stay and continue to rebuild the relationships you have here, (Y/n)-san. I appreciate everything you’ve done for Nezuko and I, and now I hope to return the favor.” Tanjirou smiled brightly.

“And how do you figure you’re doing that?” (Y/n) crossed her arms.

“Because the longer you get to stay here, the more time you get to spend with Shinobu-san! I can smell that you two want to be together more now than ever.”

“You and your nose I swear,” heat radiated off of (Y/n)’s cheeks, “I think you have intuition and that sense mixed up.”

Tanjirou merely laughed in response.

“So, you guys think you’ll really be okay without me? You’ll stay out of trouble?”

“Don’t worry, (Y/n)-san! We’ll see each other again soon!” Tanjirou beamed.

(Y/n) smiled in return and they rejoined the send off.

“Where did Shinobu-san go?” Tanjirou wondered.

(Y/n) looked around and sure enough, the Pillar was nowhere to be seen.

“She must have had something urgent to attend to,” she answered, making a note to search for her later.

(Y/n) stood out in the garden until the loud group disappeared into the trees and their shouts could no longer be heard over the rustling of the leaves. She took a moment to stare out into the clear blue sky before returning inside.

(Y/n) was going to go look for Shinobu, but she wanted to go to her room to change her uniform first since Zenitsu had snotted all over it in his tearful goodbye.

She opened the door and was surprised to find Shinobu already inside. Shinobu’s back was turned to her as she quickly ran a sleeve over her face. She cleared her throat before facing back with a weak smile.

“(Y/n), forget something?”

“Huh?” (Y/n) blinked, still trying to process why Shinobu might have just been tearing up in her room of all places.

“The others must be ready to leave now. You better pick up what you needed so they don't have to wait too long.”

“They already left, Shinobu.” (Y/n) explained. “I hadn’t planned on going with them.”

“Oh.” Shinobu turned to look outside the window of (Y/n)’s room, hoping the blood that buzzed in her cheeks hadn’t burned its way to her ears as well.

“Shinobu, is something wrong?” (Y/n) tested.

“I just feel a bit silly now I suppose.” Shinobu admitted, bringing a slight smile to (Y/n)’s face with her honesty. “I thought you were gone again.”

“Well, I wouldn’t leave without a proper goodbye, not again.” (Y/n) came up beside Shinobu, intending to give her hand a comforting squeeze when she felt something other than skin instead. Looking down she saw her old butterfly clip in Shinobu’s hand, a quick look at the empty spot at her desk confirmed it.

Shinobu noticed that (Y/n) had noticed and rose the hairclip up between them with a subdued exhale.

“You know, every morning I wonder if it will be the morning you feel comfortable enough to wear this again.” Shinobu said, twirling the insect in her fingers. “When I thought you were gone and I saw this still sitting on your desk, it brought me back to places I’d rather not think about.”

“I’m sorry,” (Y/n) rested her hand over the back of Shinobu’s haori, “I just haven’t felt... I don’t know, worthy of it? I didn’t intend to make you feel bad.”

A small puff of air left Shinobu’s nose at the words. “It isn’t a matter of worth, it’s about whether or not you feel like you belong here again. Whether or not you’re comfortable here.”

“Agree to disagree.” (Y/n) joked. “But if it makes you feel better, I’m glad I get to spend more time here. I’ve been happier in these last few weeks than in the last few years.”

“I’m glad.” Shinobu watched a couple of butterflies flutter against the window before turning back to the garden. “And if you insist on it being a matter of worth, you are more than worthy. It’s not even a question to me.”

“Thank you.” (Y/n) simpered. Her breathing hitched slightly when Shinobu reached up to run her fingers through a loose lock of (Y/n)’s hair.

“Would you let me do your hair?” Shinobu asked softly.

“I’d like that.” (Y/n) whispered.

Shinobu guided (Y/n) back to the desk and sat her down on the chair. She freed (Y/n)’s hair from its plain hair band and quietly ran a brush through her locks with such softness that (Y/n) felt like she might fall asleep. Shinobu gathered the hair in her hands and styled it as she wished, clipping it together with the butterfly hair clip. Shinobu checked over her work, her hands resting on (Y/n)’s shoulders.

“You look perfect.” (Y/n) shivered. She hadn’t expected Shinobu’s lips to be so close to her ear. Neither had she expected the lips to ghost over her cheek in a light kiss.

“I just remembered I have a meeting I need to attend. You’ll help the girls with the infirmary won’t you?”

(Y/n) had almost forgotten how to speak but managed to pull it together. “Of course! I’ll, um, see you when you get back?”

“Perhaps,” Shinobu removed her hands from (Y/n)’s shoulders, “I won’t be back until late though.”

“Okay.”

A shy hug (in slightly awkward positioning due to the gross state of the Kinoe’s uniform, courtesy of Zenitsu) and Shinobu parted ways with (Y/n). (Y/n) met up with the girls in the infirmary and was almost immediately met with a chorus of cheers from Naho, Kiyo and Sumi when they noticed her hair. Aoi and Kanao smiled at the sight as well. A full day of caring for the infirmary made (Y/n) excited to finally get into bed for the night.

She awoke with a scream caught in her throat. Old demons had visited her in her sleep. As she worked to calm her heart, she noticed the light of the full moon streaming through her window. With a few more deep breaths she sat up from her futon and wrapped her haori around her shoulders.

Quietly exiting her room, she padded through the halls until she found her way to the kitchen, a smile pulled at her lips when she found Shinobu already there boiling water.

“Rough night?” Shinobu asked. She was also in her bed wear, her hair hanging loose from its usual style.

“Yes,” (Y/n) moved to stand beside her, “it’s been awhile since the last one I had.”

“How did you deal with that when you were on the road?”

“I would buy little sacks of tea leaves as I went. On bad nights or whenever sleep eluded me I’d boil up some water and try a new blend. Yours was always the best though.”

“I was already going to make you a cup, no need for flattery.”

“No flattery here. Just the truth.” (Y/n) swore, making Shinobu’s smile just a tad fuller.

Shinobu finished preparing the cups and as (Y/n) took hers about ready to leave, the Hashira asked her to wait.

“It’s a full moon tonight. Want to watch the stars for a moment?” Shinobu asked.

“I’d love to.” (Y/n) nodded.

The pair walked outside along the engawa until they had a pleasant view of the full brightness of the moon. They sat along the engawa’s edge, letting their legs dangle as they sipped their tea in the drowning noise of cicada and cricket songs.

(Y/n) chanced a glance at Shinobu in her periphery and marveled at how the moonlight highlighted her skin to the point where she almost appeared to be glowing. The way it reflected off of her eyes was absolutely enchanting. (Y/n) forced her attention back on the sky. Though beautiful it seemed to pale in comparison to the girl next to her.

As her eyes traced over the larger craters of the moon, she thought back on an old saying she had read at one of the inns she had frequented. An old, battered collection of pages that she read through when sleep didn’t come. She had read that particular work quite a few times.

She wondered if perhaps Shinobu had read it too. Though more likely the girl had her face buried in medical texts than anything else. (Y/n) then wondered, if perhaps she could get away with saying it. A confession without consequence, but on the off change that Shinobu was knowledgeable on the old text it could damage the progress they had made in healing their relationship. Perhaps it would be better to just enjoy the moment. (Y/n) took another sip of tea.

“The moon is beautiful, isn’t it?”

(Y/n) nearly choked on her tea, spluttering and coughing as she tried in vein to stop herself. Finally she managed to calm down only to notice how intently Shinobu was staring at her.

Had she meant that literally? Shinobu was looking at (Y/n) so expectantly, but it could easily just be because she had nearly blacked out from inhaling her tea!

“...It is.” (Y/n) finally answered hiding her face in her cup, looking at neither Shinobu nor the moon.

Another long silence filled by the chirps of insects enjoying the humid night air. (Y/n) had finished her tea and set her cup to her right, her free hand that had been resting between Shinobu and herself was soon covered by a cool and calloused touch.

(Y/n) shyly turned her head to meet the Pillar’s gaze and jumped a bit when her nose unexpectedly brushed against Shinobu’s.

“The moon is beautiful tonight, isn’t it?” Shinobu repeated barely above a whisper. She was not pulling away.

(Y/n) felt her throat dry and she wished she had just one more swallow of tea left. With a slight quiver in her lips, she responded. Doing her best to stay focused on the purple irises before her.

“Yes,” she answered with a slight nod, careful not to bump head with Shinobu, “it is.”

“(Y/n)?” Shinobu called to her, cupping her face gently with the hand that wasn’t already resting on top of (Y/n)’s.

“Y.. yes?”

“Would you kiss me if I asked?” Shinobu murmured, filling (Y/n)’s senses with a dizzying wisteria scent. The slayer didn’t even try to talk herself out of answering such a query as the thumb of Shinobu’s hand swiped the corner of her lips.

“Yes.” She replied, nearly breathless already and her pupils blown wide.

“(Y/n), please kiss me.”

It was all too easy to lean in when they were already sitting so closely. The hand Shinobu had been using to cup her cheek weaved through the hair at the back of (Y/n)’s head, pulling her closer yet as their lips met a bit clumsily in buzzing, mind numbing bliss. (Y/n)’s free hand, the one not currently being clutched in a near death grip over the wooden floor, found home at the back of Shinobu’s neck, lightly massaging the skin there.

They broke apart a few times but the breaths they took were quick and few. Eventually they rested against each other while their abused lungs burned with a hunger for oxygen.

“I have wanted to do that for longer than I’d like to admit.” Shinobu quietly confessed, twisting a lock of (Y/n)’s hair though her fingers.

“Even when we were fighting?” (Y/n) joked, rubbing the back of Shinobu’s neck with her thumb.

“Strangely enough, yes. There were times when I thought about doing it just to shut you up. Though I didn’t dare allow myself to entertain the thought for long.”

(Y/n) chuckled and leaned in to steal another kiss, much less heated then the last few and much quicker as a chorus of surprised gasps made them pull apart and turn around.

“They kissed! They’re kissing!” Sumi cheered while Aoi tried to quiet her and push her back into the mansion.

Sumi and Kiyo emerged from the doorway that Shinobu had left open when she and (Y/n) first came out into the moonlight and were immediately hounding them for confirmation.

“We missed it! Do it again!” Kiyo pleaded.

“It’s like a fairy tale!” Naho cheered.

“You three!” Aoi grumbled with embarrassment. “Kanao, help me out here!”

Kanao looked between Aoi, the rowdy girls, then her sister and senpai, before settling on a nice golf clap of congratulations. This made Aoi lightly smack herself in the face and completely give up on trying to rein in the younger children.

“My, what are you all doing up I wonder?” Shinobu smiled.

“We wanted to watch the moon too Shinobu-sama! Aoi-san even made tea!” Naho clapped.

“But it’s clear you’re, busy, with something and we should go back inside.” Aoi rushed.

“Nonsense, it’s a lovely night. These things are best experienced with those you care about, don’t you all agree?”

“Yes!” Three excited voices readily agreed before wiggling in between the older girls with light blankets and their tea.

Aoi grumbled a half hearted reminder to be careful with the tea before sitting down beside (Y/n) with her own cup. Kanao took a seat beside Shinobu, lightly kicking her feet over the engawa as she started up silently at the moon.

They stayed up for hours, naming constellations, spotting shooting stars, and listening for the occasional loud croak of a far off frog in the thick of the cicadas and crickets.

Dawn wasn’t too far off when Naho, Sumi and Kiyo fell asleep. (Y/n), Shinobu and Kanao each picked one up and returned them to their rooms. Aoi gathered the discarded cups and helped with the doors before bidding the older girls goodnight, Kanao trailing behind her.

“What a lively night. I’m afraid chores will suffer tomorrow.” Shinobu mused as she walked (Y/n) back to her room.

“We’ll figure it out.” (Y/n) said, shyly brushing her hand against Shinobu’s and smiling when Shinobu laced their fingers together.

Once at (Y/n)’s room Shinobu raised (Y/n)’s hand to her lips with a smirk, planting a kiss on battle worn knuckles.

“This is where I leave you. I’ll see you in a few hours.”

“Why does that feel too long?” (Y/n) laughed quietly.

“I’m not sure, you’d think after four years of bitter silence a couple of hours would be a walk in the park.” Shinobu chuckled in return.

“I guess we just have a lot of time to make up for, huh?”

“Mm, that is a plausible line of reasoning,” Shinobu hummed, a spark growing in her eyes, “might I trouble you for one more kiss before I retire to my room?”

“I was hoping you’d ask.”

(Y/n) hardly got the words out before Shinobu was on her. Four kisses later and they pulled away with matching grins.

“I’ll see you in my dreams.” Shinobu added one last peck before pulling away.

“As will I.”

***

Well into the next morning (Y/n) awoke energized and ready to fight the world. She changed into a fresh uniform and pinned her hair with care, straightening the butterfly pin before rushing out of her room to begin her day with the young woman who had gifted it to her.

[emilysshortstories]

Paul Lahote Part One

trigger warnings: ??? Nothing yet but not promises that will keep in later parts

words: 1543

It’s in those moments of deep desperation that you find hope. Or it seems to find you. When I left home to live with my uncle, miles away from my home, desperation was the only thing on my mind. Desperately running away, I didn’t want to face that part of my life that I already felt as though I was behind. I wanted to start fresh. I still do, so why does the reason I came here matter? My uncle, Charlie, agreed that he wouldn’t tell a soul about the events that lead me to his home, not even his own daughter. Who never really dropped the subject of course, but knew it wasn’t any of her business. I wasn’t naive enough to actually believe that I wouldn’t have to face problems here, but I think that’s what drew me here. Different problems, and that’s what I got. 

When I first moved here my cousin, Bella, had a boyfriend who she spent most of her time with. She still introduced me to everyone and showed me around, but when he moved things shifted. Bella completely shut down, she was always quiet and reserved, but this was different. She was numb. It took her a really long time to talk to anyone, and when she did, it was only me, Charlie, and her friend Jacob. They were always working on these two motorcycles together, sometimes I would join them. Jacob was nice, clearly had a massive crush on Bella even though she always denied it. 

One day when I tagged along I met Quil and Embry, they also seemed nice but I didn’t talk to them much. I didn’t talk to anyone that lived on the reservation actually, not until I had to stop Bella from doing something stupid. Feels like I’ve been doing that a lot lately. 

She was pissed. I’ve never seen her this angry before. I was a little scared to get in the car with her, but the fear of what she was going to do with this anger overpowered me. I stayed in the car when she stormed into Jacob’s house, but practically leaped out as I saw her approaching “Sam’s cult”. I was too far behind her and couldn’t reach her until she had already slapped one of the boys. “ALRIGHT” I yelled at Bella, getting in between them and seeing the boy start to shake in anger. “What you’re NOT gonna do is pick a fight with Mr. Mc steroids over here.” I continued while looking the boy up and down. We made eye contact. I didn’t want to but I froze and felt something turn in my gut while he immediately stopped shaking. I quickly shook it off and turned back to my crazy cousin. “Lets leave. Get in the fucking car John Cena”, pointing to her truck. I heard a bit of laughter as we walked away, but didn’t turn around. I didn’t even dare look in the rear view mirror as I drove off.

After Bella calmed down she admitted that slapping a 7 foot Greek sculpture wasn’t the smartest move. “They did something to him, I know it. Jacob’s too scared to tell me what’s going on but I’m gonna figure it out.” Bella said with gritted teeth. “Listen, you know Jacob better than I do so it’s your call, but maybe consider the idea that it’s none of your business? You and him have been friends since preschool. I feel like if it was necessary for you to know, he would have told you”. By the time I finished my speech Bella had already shut down. Just like she was before. Broke my heart seeing her like this. Maybe I should talk to Jacob or the “cult”, just be civil about it. 

So that’s what I did. The next day I drove to Jacob’s house, but Billy said he wasn’t home and to try Sam’s place. Well, he said Jacob wasn’t home and I begged him to tell me where he might be. For some reason he caved and told me where to find him and not Bella. I tried not to think about it too much or let my anxiety get the best of me while driving. 

When I knocked on the door, I didn’t expect a small, sweet woman with a huge scar across her face to answer the door. “Hi, can I help you?”

“Yes, I was looking for Jacob?”

“Are you Bella?”

“No, I’m Y/N, Bella’s cousin.”

“Oh. OH!” She seemed really surprised to find out this information. “Jacob it out with Paul right now. Working. They will be back soon though if you would like to come in, the rest of the crowd is here. I’m Emily, Sam’s fiance.”

“Oh I can come back another time, I don’t want to intrude.”

“Don’t be silly, we are all friendly and we are dying to get to know you.”

What does that mean? I walked in and saw everyone I saw yesterday but Jacob and the boy Bella slapped. Paul. “Hey Embry, how have you been?” I asked, seeming he was the only person I recognized. “Good, You?”

“I’m ok, just worried about Bella. Wanted to give Jacob a bit of grief for leaving her high and dry. She’s taking it a bit hard, but I also wanted to apologize for how she acted yesterday. Slapping who I assume is Paul wasn’t cool at all. I’m sure she feels really awful about it.”

“It’s not Jacob’s fault for leaving Bella. You don’t have to apologize for Bella, I think we have all wanted to slap Paul at some point in time.” Sam said.

“Got it, but is there anything I can do to get Jacob to talk to Bella again?”

“Jump in line, we all want him to talk about it so we don’t have to hear him monologuing all the time about it.” Embry said, before the third and last boy elbowed him really hard. 

“So none of this is your doing?” I asked all the boys.

“Not exactly, no.” Said Sam. 

“Ok. That’s some clarity at least.” I said with a smile.

“Why don’t you sit down, muffin, before the beasts attack them?” Emily offered a bowl full of muffins the size of Ohio to me.

“Thank you, that’s really sweet of you.” I said while taking a muffin and sitting next to Embry. Emily was right that the boys would attack the food, holy shit. “So why don’t you tell us about yourself?” Emily said, seeming excited and sitting across from me. “What do you want to know? I’m pretty much an open book.” 

“What brings you to Forks?” The ONE question I hate.

“Running away from my problems, if i’m being honest. I’ve always loved the rain, needed a change, and my uncle, Charlie, offered me a room. So I took it.”

“I like that, where are you from?”

“Austin.”

“Texas?” said the only boy who I didn’t know.

“No, actually it’s a small secret base on Mars. I’m an alien.” This made everyone laugh, especially the strange boy. “Sorry, I never caught your name?”

“Jared, you always that sarcastic?”

“Yes, humor is my only likable personality trait.”

“I hear that” said Jared while raising his muffin. “What do you like to do for fun?”

“I write, read, and love watching movies and TV shows. I'm a big music lover but I think that’s just a side effect of being born and raised in Austin. Since moving here I’ve really taken up hiking though, it’s so beautiful here. Not just flat desert like in Texas.”

“The only TV show I watch is New Girl, nobody here seems to watch it.” Said Jared and before I even thought it through my favorite Schmit quote fell out of my mouth.

“You would have been my nightmare. We were on very strict instructions from Rabbi Schmolli not to say anything until the very last christian kid found out about Santa Claus. Ruining Christmas? Very bad for our brand.”

Everyone seemed to like me after that and conversation flowed freely. I really liked spending time with everyone and lost track of time until I saw that the sun was going down. “Oh shit, I gotta get going, I’m not used to driving on ice yet and don’t want to drive on these roads when it's dark. Thank you so much for being so nice to me Emily, it was really nice talking to everyone.”

“Oh but Paul isn’t back yet” Emily said quickly. “And Jacob.”

“I can give Jacob shit anytime and I’m sure Paul isn’t my biggest fan after what Bella did so I think it’s a good idea to head out now. Thanks again though.” I said and started making my way to the door. 

“Of course! No problem, please come by again. I liked talking to you too and I’d love you to properly meet Paul.” 

We walked out just as Jacob and Paul emerged from the trees, but as soon as Paul made eye contact with me, that same flip happened in my gut again before he took off running back into the woods. Guess that answers my question on if he’s mad at me. 

[writingsfromhome]

Crystal Clear

A/N: Here’s some fluff, friends to lovers I’ve had going on while I work on something bigger :))

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“Y/N,” a strange man calls my name. I look him up and down but I don’t think I know him.

“Who’s asking?”

“Y/N, it’s me? Harry.”

“Oh,” I laugh and greet him how I would have if I’d recognized him under all those layers, in a great big hug. “Your disguise is brilliant!”

“It’s not a disguise,” he says into his coat. “It’s bloody cold here.”

“Coldest day so far,” I accept the hot chocolate from the vendor and ask him for another, Harry could use one, poor thing. His plans this week were changed last minute, and since he was in New York City where his best childhood friend lived, he decided to actually hang out with me. Ever since he got famous, it was hard to catch time with him.

“Did the cold freeze all the English out of you? You’re not even wearing mittens,” Harry accepts his own cup from the vendor.

“I’m got them in my pocket,” I point to the bulge on the side of my coat as we step aside and make our way deeper into the winter festival that was at Bryant Park. “Don’t insult me, I can still make a better cup of tea than you ever could.”

“There she is,” I hear the smile in Harry’s voice more than I see it. It truly was ridiculous--not only was he wearing the thickest parka I’d ever seen, he also had on a beanie and a scarf, as well as knit gloves that held tightly to his hot chocolate.

“I’m always here, you’re just too busy to see me.”

“Not this again,” he groans. I was always giving him grief every time he touched down to NYC but didn’t pop by for a visit. I knew he had a hectic schedule, and even though I wasn’t that bothered I still liked to tease him.

“It’s true, you come to the city so often but I see you once a year. And maybe again when I’m in London if I get lucky.”

“I’m busy Y/N, I talk to you all the time!”

“I know,” I elbow him. “I just like to rile you up.”

“Well now that you’ve got that out of your system,” he tugs my hat over my eyes. “Where are we going next?”

I push it back up, “I thought we could just wander the shops, then get on the skating rink if you’re not frozen to death.”

“Alright I’ve got to pick some gifts up anyway let’s see what’s here.”

We make a good team as we visit stands selling ornaments and kitschy decor, handmade gifts, and hot cider. We sift through exactly what we might want, or what the other’s looking for. And with the light dusting of snow coming down, and the bright lights strung around the Park, it was like walking in a Christmas movie.

“Look at this,” I point ahead. We’d nearly visited all the stands and holiday shops but a festive psychic advertises their services in a small glass booth. “Should we?”

“It’s a waste of money,” Harry scoffs. “She’s just going to read your body language.”

“She might be the real deal-”

“You can’t be serious-”

“C’mon!” I tug his gloves hand and it takes a few but he stumbles towards me. It’s slightly warmer inside and I notice the space heater running in the corner. “At least it’s warm” I whisper to Harry.

“You really want to do this?” He asks one last time.

“It’s just $10-”

“$20 for the two,” the woman almost shifts out of the wall and I hide my jump with a laugh. There’s a curtain behind her, I realize, she must have stepped out.

“It’s just me,” I clarify.

She eyes Harry and Harry eyes her back. “You look familiar.”

“Just have that face,” he shrugs, burrowing into his scarf. “I’m just here to watch.”

She stares at him a moment longer before settling at the small table. I flash Harry a smile before sitting down myself, setting my bags onto the floor.

“Palm reading, cards, what will it be dear?” The psychic asks. I remember the sign out front said cards would be more than having my palm read so I opt for the cheaper option.

“Hm,” she says thoughtfully as she traces the lines on my palm. I wriggle my eyebrows at Harry and he rolls his eyes, but he stays watching her like a hawk. It was cute how overprotective he got sometimes. The psychic glances up to catch him watching her, she then glances at me and tilts her head.

“I see longevity, in life and love, a few bumps but you’re a strong persistent woman.”

Harry grumbles behind me and I resist the urge to say something to him.

“I see success after hard, hard work. But a big success that will change the course of your career.”

“Wow, how soon?” I ask.

“Mmm, after a big milestone. Turning 30?” she continues to examine my hand. “I see a second life later in life, with kids...just one no maybe two children.”

“How about her love life?” Harry asks. “Her last love s’not too nice.”

“Seriously Harry?” I turn to glare this time. He’s grinning with flushed cheeks, knowing it was a sore spot he liked to say i told you so to. It was true, he had told me so about my 3 year relationship but I’d ignored him.

“Your love life,’ the woman speaks up. “Shows me two great loves. One cuts short, the other is as long as your life line.”

“Ooh,” I lean in, interested. “I think I know about the one that was cut short. Tell me about the second!”

“This second...” she traces my palm and I feel a tingle. “This second love is very close, a bit rocky but it will last.”

“A bit rocky?”

“Hm,” she chews her bottom lip. “Time, distance...it will make it rocky. But it lasts.”

“So how close is close?” I ask eagerly.

“Close,” she says with a smile that tells me I wasn’t getting anything else out of her.

“That’s a bit vague isn’t it?” Harry pipes up from the back.

“The future isn’t always crystal clear,” she says without looking up at him.

“Lay off,” I scold him.

“It’s okay, I get nonbelievers all the time.” She laughs. “That will be $10 dear.” When I hand her the bill she stops me as she takes it. “A little free advice?”

“Sure.” I pick up the bags I placed on the floor earlier.

"Don’t be so focused on the life you want that you don’t see the life you have around you.”

“I’ve actually told her that before,” Harry decides we want more of his unsolicited opinions. “Maybe there is something true to all of this.”

“Thanks,” I pocket her words for later. Harry was right, he’d said something along those lines to me before, especially when it came to giving up control and going with the flow on trips and events with him. I always declined his offers, we lived a modest life growing up and accepting these gifts from him always felt so excessive. I wanted to make my own way in the world, but Harry always had something to say. “And sorry for his attitude, he’s not always this rude.”

“Yeah,” Harry shifts forward. “I didn’t mean anything by it, I’m a lot nicer usually.”

“I know,” she smiles.

“She’s psychic,” I remind him.

“I’m also online,” she laughs. “Can I get a picture?”

Harry eyes me, before going in for a selfie with her. I know he usually didn’t mind getting asked in smaller settings but he’d admitted it was something he was still getting used to. It had been a couple years since he became so famous, in such a short amount of time I went from being able to go down to a local pub with my best friend to schedules and security details and a whole other list of complications. Sometimes I hated it, mostly I was happy for him.

“Another day, another fan.” I tell Harry after we walk away from the psychic and he flips me off. “Should we get something to eat and get out of the cold?”

“God yes,” Harry shivers. “Can we just go to yours?”

“Let’s go,” I loop my arm through Harry’s.

Harry wants instant warmth so he hails a cab and we pick up takeout once we reach my neighbourhood. Harry had been here a few times, my roommate had gotten used to the fact that I was best friends with him, and sometimes he preferred to stay here when he wanted to be anonymous. Paparazzi sometimes crowded outside his hotel when word leaked he was there.

We eat ourselves into a food coma and Harry decides to stay the night, not wanting to face the cold again. Since our living room couch sprained his neck the only time he’d slept there, he usually crashed in my bed. His head barely hits the pillow before he’s snoring, I guess the jet lag finally caught up.

***

I jerk out of sleep, a crashing noise followed by swearing catches my attention.

“I think your roommate dropped something,” I hear from beside me. I turn my face to get a facefull of Harry’s thigh tattoos.

“Y’think?” I croak and shift backwards to see his face. He’s sitting up in bed and scrolling through his phone.

“Guess which psychic is officially internet-famous?” Harry asks dryly.

“Hm?” I’m still calming my heart from waking up so suddenly so it takes a moment to register Harry’s words. “What?”

He shoves his phone in my face, the selfie he took with the psychic yesterday is posted on social media with over half a million likes. He swipes away and a lot of his tag is filled with news outlets and fan accounts spamming the picture. He pulls it back to read a heading: “Harry Styles visits Psychic for ideas on his next album. There’s also Harry Styles rumored to be connected to the Occult...I don’t know what that means. Psychic tells all on Harry Styles reading.”

“How did that picture circulate?” I rub my eyes and sit up beside him. “And where is all of this coming from?”

“She has a Twitter, and she posted the picture.” He shows me, it’s there with the caption A handsome face showed up to my booth at the Bryant Park Market tonight. Get your future told, 5pm to 9pm 7 days a week.

I can’t help but laugh, she was a business woman and she really took the opportunity to sell her service.

“It’s not funny Y/N,” Harry looks furious so I cover my mouth and squint at his screen as he scrolls. A ton of people are responding asking about his future or what he came there for. Amongst them, she responds to only one person: His love life was involved.

My jaw drops, “That’s such a lie! She read me my love life, and life lines!”

“I told you she was a fraud,” Harry jerks the phone back to him.

“She lied for sales, but doesn’t mean she didn’t tell the truth yesterday.”

“If she lied about this she lied about it all and you wasted $10. She only talked about your love life, not mine...”

I remember her words, my second love was very close...could she have meant...

I glance at Harry and he seemed to have followed the same train of thought because we lock eyes, his probably just as wide as mine.

“D’you think?” he says just as I say “Was she...?”

We immediately burst out laughing as the tension comes to a head and bubbles over in a safe trickle.

“Is that what she was trying to say?” I say when I’ve finally caught my breath, my stomach hurt from laughing this hard.

“I guess when she said close she meant close,” Harry’s flat on his back from laughing. “Quite literal.”

“And you were calling her out on being so vague.”

“I’ve got to give it to her,” he shuts his phone off and throws it onto the covers between us, releasing the annoyance. “She’s a good businesswoman.”

“I was thinking the same thing but I thought you might kill me if I said that,” I admit.

We lay on the rumpled covers in silence, I think about everything else she said. The potential of it all is tarnished by the idea of Harry being my second love, for life. It was so ridiculous, unless by love she meant the way I love him now. As my best friend. Our lives were so different, there was no way it could ever work. Not to mention...he was my best friend since forever.

“Have you ever thought about it?” Harry asks out of the blue.

“Thought about what?” I prop myself on my elbow.

“Us, like...the way she predicted?”

“Together together?” I can’t help but laugh. “No never, you’re my best friend!” I recognize the flash of hurt so I backtrack a little. “No offense Harry, I love you but could you imagine?”

“I have,” he says it so quietly as I lay back down. “What?” I ask. He shrugs, “I’m surprised you haven’t. We’ve been friends since...we were 7. You’re saying you never thought about it?”

“No,” I shake my head. “Actually I haven’t. When...what did you think about?”

“I dunno,” he fiddles with his rings. “Like for school dances, when I didn’t have a date I thought about asking you as more than a friend...thought about where that could lead. Or every time you had your heart broke. I wanted to take the pain away and just show you what you deserved.”

“Harry I...” it was sweet, what he was saying. But he never gave a single clue about it the entire time we grew up. He was always chasing girls who looked nothing like me, so I always thought that’s what his type was. Never did I think about anything more with him.

“Not-not recently though,” he forces a laugh. “Just when we were kids.”

“That’s sweet Harry. I had no idea.”

He shrugs, and sits up.

“No seriously I...that’s so sweet. But just so you know, you have shown me what a good man can be. Just by being the best friend ever.”

“Aw,” he swipes my cheek as he gets up. “That’s cute. I don’t know if I’ve done such a good job when you’ve only dated knobs.”

I could recognize his defense mechanism--turning it into a big joke. But he leaves the room before I can call him out and I’m left sitting in the mess of what he’d just told me. It’s not that it was awkward or a bad thing, but suddenly it felt tense and the tension triggered an anxious feeling in my chest.

I decide to get out of my room and find my roommate cleaning up the remains of her broken mug. I offer to clean the spill as she dresses to go out for her run. Helping her distracts me, and when I hear Harry leave the bathroom I lock myself in, and try some breathing exercises to clear the anxiety creeping up. When I realize I was trying to avoid Harry, I scold myself. This was ridiculous and funny! Harry wanted to ask me out when we were kids, it was cute, and that was it. The psychic was a fake anyway, nothing she said meant anything.

I head back to my room where Harry’s made the bed. I change into trousers and my favourite fisherman sweater, and find him having coffee at our small kitchen table with his phone on speaker as he talks to someone. His legs barely fit underneath, so they’re sprawled to the side. He’s still shirtless, and my attention snags on his torso.

I shake myself out of my thoughts as I bump into the kitchen island, and glance up to see that although he was talking to the person on the phone, his eyes had been on me...while my eyes were on his abs. Oh god, I cringe. I try to act casual, mouthing if he wanted breakfast but he shakes his head and points to the call he’s having.

I make myself a toast and try to ignore what just happened but it only adds to the tension from this morning. When he gets off his call he brings his cup up to the sink.

“I think I need another cup.”

“Be my guest,” I move aside. “You sure you don’t want breakfast?”

“Are you going to feed me avocado flax seed quinoa toast?” he teases.

“There’s no quinoa.” I correct, crossing my arms. “But...yes.”

“I’ll take this banana,” he holds the lone banana on the counter. “I’ve got to be in East Harlem by noon, that’s what the call was about.”

“Aw,” I hated saying goodbye. “Are you busy the rest of your stay?”

“I can make it back here,” he says.

“Do whatever you need to do,” I say. “I’m used to being discarded after you hang out with me in the city.”

“I don’t do that!” he reaches behind me to slot his cup in and set the machine to grind his beans. I can smell my shampoo on him, he must’ve showered. “If you want me back, you can just say that.”

The morning sunlight streaming through the kitchen window leaves no room for shadows; the shift in the mood is clear as the daylight streaming in. Or maybe I was reading too much into his words.

“I always want you back,” I look up to his height now that he’s standing so close, and the kitchen tightens further.

We’re stuck in a tableau; with my back against the fridge looking up at him as he gazes down with a curious expression. My mind grows blank the longer I stare. No one says a word, the sound of beans grinding the only noise in the kitchen.

My best friend in the whole world looks torn standing in front of me like this, and as my senses slowly rush back I realize that even if my expression doesn’t show it...I was torn. Because out of nowhere, all I can think about are all the questions I ever shoved away in the dark: what would it feel like if I kissed him right now? And what would have happened to us if he had asked me out to our school dance? Would we still be best friends? Would we have cut each other out? How many universes were we still good together like this? How many universes were we good together as more than this?

An urge to touch his face, make sure this was real, takes over me. But as soon as my fingers brush his cheek he snaps out of his trance and stumbles back like I’d burned him.

He forces a laugh. “I really do need that coffee.”

“Right,” I turn to the machine to put the grinds into their slot but I yank too hard and the freshly ground coffee flies out towards me. “Shit!”

“What happ-” Harry takes one look at what’s happened and turns away, his shoulders shaking.

“I can see you right in front of me laughing!” I shout. “Help me!”

“It’s all over you Y/N,” he turns around, tears in his eyes. “Give me this, I’ll put it far away from you.” He takes the remaining grinds and sets it down. I brush away what’s closest to my eyes so I can see and try to shake it off my sweater but they stick to the fibers of the knit.

“Great,” I grumble. “This is dry clean only.”

“It’s in your hair,” he runs his fingers through the strands that hang over my shoulder. I shake my head to dislodge the grinds; his fingers brush my neck away and tucks my hair behind my ear. “Uhm, that should be most of it.”

“It’s not out of this sweater,” I pout. “Screw dry clean, why did I think I could buy dry cleaning clothes?”

“I can drop it off on the way out today?” he offers.

“That means you’re coming back to drop it off to me?!” I ask hopefully.

His expression softens, “Y/N I’m coming back to your flat. I promise.”

“He promises!” I shout. Even though things were a bit awkward this morning, I got to spend more time with my hard-to-catch best friend and for that I was over the moon.

“We could also try to vacuum the sweater?” Harry suggests.

“So you don’t have to come back with dry clean?” I tease. “I’m not letting you get out of your promise, let me give it to you before you change your mind.” I tug my top off and ball it up, shoving it in his hands. It falls to the floor when he doesn’t hold it.

“Hello?” I look up and he’s a deer in the headlights. “Harry...”

“I can’t do this right now,” he takes a step back. I get the sweater from the ground and hold it out to him again.

“Do you want to wipe the kitchen floor with the sweater too? Take it!” I sigh. “Harry are you really acting so chaste about seeing a girl in her bra?”

“It’s-” he decides to stop mid-word. “You’re not just any girl Y/N, I’ve already made it clear.”

Now it’s my turn to stare--he hadn’t made it clear. “You said you only felt something when you were younger...”

“And you believed me?”

I realize I didn’t, but I wanted to believe him so I hadn’t questioned it. “Well it’s not the first time you’ve seen me in a bra. Can you take the damn sweater?” 

“Yeah I can I’m just...” he seems to calm down a bit, enough to step towards me and take it. “I didn’t have to face this conflicted feeling in me if I didn’t see you often. I can just be the best friend. But now, with the whole psychic thing and you in--like this in your kitchen and I--I’m remembering how much I just want to...”

“Kiss me,” I say.

“Yeah...” he looks away.

“No, I’m telling you to kiss me.” I clarify. His expression would’ve made me laugh if my heart wasn’t beating so fast. I couldn’t believe I was being this impulsive.

“Really? You’re not just saying that cuz of this morning?”

“Fine,” I step out of his reach and cross my arms to hide my shaking hands. “If you don’t want to kiss me-”

He pulls me back too quickly and I bump into his chest. “I never said that.” He says in a tone I’d never heard from him before, it’s serious and sexy and it sends tingles through my body. I press myself up against him and he finally, finally, kisses me. Every bit of tension and anxiety the day had built up releases in the single moment his lips cover mine.

How had I waited this long?

The kiss is gentle, delicate like he’s still not entirely sure I want the same thing he does. I show him I do by using my tongue to open his mouth slowly and the hesitation disappears immediately. We’re a fighter jet taking off from there; I don’t know where I end and where he begins as he walks me to the kitchen island and lifts me onto it, our limbs tangling together, His hands roam down the side of my body, but he stays in the safe zones until I unclasp my bra.

“Oh hell no,” my roommate’s voice interrupts us from behind. I hold my bra close and turn. She stands at the entryway, shaking her head. “Not here. Not on our kitchen island. You two have a room literally 10 feet away...”

“Oops,” I say quietly which seems to set Harry off. My roommate is still shaking her head but I see the smile on her face. I’d caught her hooking up on multiple occasions so it wasn’t anything new. But I didn’t do this often. I jump down, apologizing to her. “Harry’s going to clean the coffee off the floor...I-I’ll find a shirt.”

“Mhm,” she closes her bedroom door and I look over at Harry who’s crouching on the floor in tears.

“This is all your fault!” I whisper but he tugs me down to where he is and holds my face as he kisses me.

“I know you two aren’t behind the island,” my roommate’s voice comes out again. I stay there as her footsteps move to the bathroom and the door closes behind her.

“I hate you,” I skirt out of his reach, and rush to my room yelling another sorry as I head back and find a top. Harry appears in my room as I put it on.

“I guess that was a good time for her to walk in on before it got too far?” he still has a stupid grin on his face.

“I don’t even want to think about it,” my cheeks were burning and even more so that Harry was elated.

“I’ve actually got to head out now.”

I pout but he kisses my pout instead. He promises he’ll be back in the evening and I let him go with one more kiss, my mind catching up with everything that just happened.

Oh my god.

***

It’s nearly 8 by the time I’m done running all my errands--taking holidays off for work was usually a good decision for me. I had a big family and picking up all the holiday bits before I flew back home was always a big job. I take an Uber home, I couldn’t handle a 40 minutes trip back home carrying everything home on the subway.

I call out to my roommate when I get in but she doesn’t respond. I check her door and it’s open and dark, the bathroom is also empty. She must have evening plans.

I open my door to a surprise. Harry is sprawled on my bed. He jerks awake when I settle my bags down.

“Y/N?” he squints as I turn the light on.

“How did you get in here?” I shrug my coat off.

“Y’roommate let me in before she left,” he rubs his eyes. “Didn’t mean to fall asleep...I had a whole thing planned.”

I’d gone over the whole morning during my errands, surprised and excited and nervous about this new step for us. But I continued to think about what the psychic said, our love lines extended alongside my life line. Even though there wasn’t much comfort or trust in a psychic who used a photo opp as a marketing opp, what she said had come true. And I put my faith in that, calming my nerves about this new step potentially ruining our friendship forever.

“Was that okay?” Harry sits up. “She didn’t think you’d mind.”

“Oh no that’s fine,” I unwrap my scarf and stand at the foot of my bed. “I really wasn’t sure if you were coming back.”

“Of course I would,” he reaches for my hand. “I wouldn’t leave you after this morning, I’m not that flighty.”

“Well we never really got to talk about it,” I say as I sit down. I’d texted him during the day but it never showed he read it, I wasn’t sure how to read into that; finding him passed out on my room meant he was probably on the go all day.

“Are you okay with this?” he says with such concern, I nearly tear up. This was making me way too emotional.

“I am,” I smile at my best friend in the whole world. “I just don’t want to go too fast.”

“We won’t,” he promises as he holds his arms out. I lean in towards his solid chest and he wraps his arms around me. I feel his breath on my cheek, then his lips in my hair. “I’m yours for eternity Y/N, we can take it as slow or fast as you want.”

It was a good thing to say, and I believe him entirely.

We eventually untangle ourselves to get food in us, and even though things are different, they’re also not. We still pick out the same parts of our food to give the other person, we still talk the same shit and laugh at the same jokes. But his hands grasps mine and his thumb brushes over my knuckles absentmindedly. His eyes stay steady on me as I talk like I’m someone new he’s exploring. We kiss after dinner, but we also load the dishwasher and laugh about the one time I’d managed to burn soup from a can. Eventually we end in my bedroom, where we lay together, our conversation growing quieter by the minute, the space between us growing smaller.

And even though we’d slept like this a hundred times before, it’s different now. I can feel it in every atom of my being, I was his and he was mine. And I don’t know how long it’s been like this for it to feel so easy, but accepting it was a no brainer, like accepting the sky was blue or the sun was hot. I remember the advice the psychic gave, I was following it: living the life I had around me even though it wasn’t the life I thought I would have.

There were a million things Harry and I had to figure out to make this work--I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. But I did know that it was right, it was true, and it was going to be forever.

The future may not be crystal clear, but my future with this man was.